#ao3 is the glue to this fucking planet

[constellation-of-disasters]

Okay, absolutely random, but my fellow gravity falls nerds, I have found //a song//. It feels EXACTLY like bill’s vibe to me. Tis called Insane by black gryph0n and Baasalisk, and I’m about 75% sure it was part of some trend a while back but it just. FITS. SO WELL.

[mx-time-bunny]

I’ve been writing some Obi-Wan Kenobi/Reader fanfiction recently. I’ve been having a blast writing these fanfics. It’s fun to write new things that I wouldn’t normally write.

[thestarwarslesbian]

First Lines of 10 Fics Game

rules: share the first lines of 10 of your most recent fanfics and then tag 10 people. If you have written less than 10 fics, don’t be shy and share anyways :)

This seems like fun. My AO3

5 times that Jake and Spencer didn’t get caught and one time they did. (On going)

The second Spencer stepped into the storage closet; Jake was on him like glue. “Seeing you like that up there giving that speech, fuck baby, you don't even know how sexy you are in this suit,” Jake said, as Spencer crowed him up against the wall.

“I think, fuck,” Jake groaned as Spencer latched onto his neck with his lips, “I think I have an idea,” Spencer said, as Jake was palming Spencer through his suit pants. “You going to let me take care of you sweetheart,” Spencer cooed, a contrast to the rough way he was shoving Jake’s pants down. “Yes, please, I’ve been half hard all day watching you in your suit,”

2. Betting (Finished)

“Come on Mav, tells us a joke.” Asked Payback, the alcohol clouding his judgment. “Ok” said Maverick. “I like my boys like I like my girls.” The group went silent waiting for the punch line of the joke. “That’s the joke guys. I'm bisexual.”

Jake stood up breaking the silence yelling “you fuckers owe me money!” The daggers dug in their pockets to grab their wallets. “Yeah, but you're my stepson soooo…. Does your bet really count?”

The table burst into noise.

3. To get you out my mind now baby (Ongoing)

He looked straight ahead, right at the dothomirian that sat on the throne. He stood with his brother and prime minister either side of him. Darth Maul lent forward in the throne to look closer at Obi-wan Kenboi, the man who had just tried to save his beloved Duchess and failed. Satine raise her head, from where she was forced to kneel at mauls feet, to look Obi-wan in the eyes.

"Your noble flaw is a weakness shared by you and your Duchess." Maul said as he raised his hand towards the celling. Obi-wan felt the guards hand as he tried to move forward towards Satine as Maul started to chock her with the force. Maul started walking closer towards Obi-wan bringing the Duchess along with him. "You should have chosen the dark side, Master Jedi. Your emotions betray you. Your fear. And. Yes. Your anger."

4. Your dad was the president?! (Ongoing)

Robert “Bob” Floyd also known as Robert Whitmore-Levisons is a weapons system officer in the United States Navy. Bob loved planes ever since he was 4 years old, and his dad took him up in one. He felt free flying around without worry from those around him and the press.

The press was a big part of Bob’s life since he was three and not by his choice. Bob’s dad was elected as President of the United States in 1996 the year the aliens invaded. Lucky Bob was in Wyoming with his grandma so wasn’t affected by the aliens. It wasn’t long after he had learnt that his mum and died and his family had shrunk to him, his dad and older sister. Bob loved his family to bits he always had, and it would never change. Even when his dad started dating his uncle David.

Bob was fine with his dad started dating his uncle, he felt that Constance was not good for David, but he definitely knew one day. It was July 4th, 2001, 5 years since the invasion and Bob was sat in the living room of the White House when his dad walked into the room.

5. Marry me (Ongoing)

Jake was exited. They were also nervous. Why? Today they are marrying the man they loved.

Bradley Bradshaw callsign Rooster.

They meet and started dating 8 years ago when they both started at the academy. At first it was banter that turned into flirting. Jake thought it was a joke until Bradley had asked him out on a date. Jake had said yes straight away. The people around them were thinking they hated each other when they started fighting about who was the better pilot. Really they where just working to get each other to become better. 

6. A galaxy of colour and darkness (ongoing)

Jakku, the sand planet. Maker only knows Poe Dameron's hatred of sand, having grown up on the forest planet of Yavin IV sand always got in his clothes for weeks after. But here he sat in Lor San Tekka house in village of Tuanaul. Lor San Tekka handed Poe a memory drive with the map in it, before BB8 came rolling in. "What is it buddy?" The beeps in return were frantic. "I'm sorry Mr Tekka, the first order are here. I wish I could stay and help you -" "Do what is right young Dameron, but I advise you to take a look at the map first." Said Tekka in understanding.

7. Forget (Completed)

He looks up, The sky pitch black. The Stars have gone out, They left years ago.

He remembers them, Bright, beautiful, forgiving, foreign. Blond, gold and blue, Black against bone white.

‘The stars will go out, Before I forget you, Mark.’

The Stars have gone out, Mark is long dead. Kieran remembers him, How could he forget, The heart of his heart.

8. Wedding Season (completed)

When Jake was born his birth mum didn’t want him. As far as he knew his birth mum took one look at him a decided she didn’t want anything to do with him. He was left in the care of his dad. His dad who was there for everything in Jake’s life. His dad had expected a desk job within the Navy after Jake was born to be able to be closer to his son.

When Jake was 9 when Jake first asked about his birth mother to his dad. The response Jake got was “She didn’t want you. And I don’t understand why as you are the greatest child in the world.” It was in September that year that Jake found out his birth mum had been at work when she died. Jake and his dad weren’t invited to the funeral.

When Jake was 15 he released why his dad had never loved his birth mum and why by at this point didn’t have a wife.

9. The debriefing (completed)

Bradly first noticed the ring during the dogfight football session. He noticed it on Maverick's dog tags as he helped him off the ground. “I’m going to sit out” Yelled Maverick over to where Hondo was stood. Bradly looked over to where Mav was sat when Hangman went over and sat down at his feet. He couldn’t make out what the two were saying but he felt a pang of jealousy when Maverick ruffled Hangman's hair up causing the younger pilot to laugh and swat him away playfully. “Guys did you know Maverick was married?” Asked Pheonix after Payback pointed out the ring on his dog tags. Everyone around them shook their heads except from Coyote and Bob. “Well, I suggest a bet. We all place a beat on who Maverick is married too.

10. After the mission (Completed)

Jake looked upon the scene laying out in front of him. Everyone was crowding around Maverick and Rooster as they hugged, seamlessly forgetting about Jake all together. Just a few seconds before Pheonix had been telling Jake to be happy over having a confirmed kill.

This wasn’t the first time either.

Jake was 25 when he got his first confirmed air to air kill. It had started off as a normal day. Well as normal as it could get being positioned in Afghanistan. Jake had already had is daily phone call with his father and was currently on a normal patrol with his wingman and best friend Javy “Coyote” Machado. It was normal with Coyote a little ahead of him. Jake must have closed his eyes for only a minute. But in that moment an enemy F-17 was slotted in between.

[awkward-swine]

ao3 has ruined me in the best way possible

[constellation-of-disasters]

Yes.

people trying to convince me that society has become illiterate, meanwhile, everyone has a complete mental breakdown over ao3 being out for 3 hours

[phanfictioncatalogue]

Gang AUs Masterlist

Along the way (ao3) - TheDalmatian

Summary: After the nuclear war, the world was left in destruction and anarchy. Without any government left in Great Britain, a multitude of gangs rose that now fight each other for power over the different cities. When Dan gets kidnapped by his rival gang he deems his life to be over. But then fate makes him and his kidnapper Phil spend some alone time together and they find something in each other they didn’t even know they were missing. Maybe even in this doomed world there still is something to live for…

Baby - DansPHlevels

Summary: “You’re soft too,” Dan announced, almost too quietly to hear. “You just pretend like you’re not. But I know the truth.”

Phil snorted. “You know all my secrets, Baby.”

Dan laughed aloud. “Please. You’re in a fucking gang, I don’t think I want to know all your secrets. I don’t have that kind of time.”

Billet-Doux (ao3) - Tarredion

Summary: Dan and Phil, gang leaders and rivals to the highest degree, harbor big secrets they want no one to see

Divine - pastelflours

Summary: Phil Lester is the leader of the mafia on the planet of Moori. After giving another gang guns, he receives no payment for three months. When he goes to confront the gang’s leader, Andrew Hoursin,  he is greeted with no money. In fear of being killed, Andrew gives Phil a slave of high quality, named Dan. What changes will Dan bring to Phil’s life?

glitter glue and pastel hearts (ao3) - moonythejedi395 (orphan_account)

Summary: A boy with a broken heart, who never learned to confess his thoughts to anyone but the moon, meets sunshine in the form of a boy in pastel pink shoes. In dreary England, all light is pale and fleeting, but the sun shines from his smile and his eyes, and the boy's broken heart is mended, put back together with glitter glue. In the end, the one winning in the situation will of course be Mrs. Howell, who shipped it before they even met.

His Unspoken Word (ao3) - ineffabledaniel

Summary: Phil Lester is the leader of a small town gang. He's got a mean attitude and a thing for the pretty new boy. In the middle of a turf war is he willing to work for him?

Poison Paradise (ao3) - PhanAssassin4

Summary: Phan Criminal AU. After a hard day Phil decides to surprise Dan in the best way possible. But will all end well? Read to find out.

Protective Punk (ao3) - WordsAblaze

Summary: Dan and Phil are on the run when Dan’s rival shows up to get revenge, through Phil… A Pastel!Phil and Punk!Dan phan oneshot.

Rough (ao3) - SimplyUndead

Summary: Phil Lester was a ruthless gang leader who would do anything to get his way. He was rough and unloving. But when he stumbled upon a small, sleeping boy, who, in his mind, was the perfect image of what an angel looks like, some of that changed. He wanted nothing more than to protect and take care of Dan Howell, and he would do so in any means necessary, even if that meant going against the wishes of the boy’s older brother.

Soft Spot - mairieuxes

Summary: [ So as per say, Phil may be the toughest cactus on this planet but Dan still had him wrapped around his finger. ]

Something’s Gotta Give - mairieuxes

Summary: It’s just- he’s so annoying. Like, every time Phil shoots a smile to the class and making every girl and gay guy swoon. Not Dan though. Even when he’s as straight as his natural hair, he’s not going to like Phil any time soon.

Sundance (ao3) - lowlights

Summary: Phil Lester and his gang of outlaws are the wildest people in the West. Known for daring train robberies, safe cracking, and cattle stealing, they strike both fear and reverence into people’s hearts. Sure, being the most wanted person in the West has it’s downfalls, but Phil Lester lives for adrenaline kicks.

Dan Howell lives in a run down house with a barely-there family, working for his mother at the saloon even though all he wants to do is get out of town. When he gets caught up in a heist and kidnapped by the gang, the boy quickly becomes a new moneymaking scheme… Until he becomes something more to Phil.

Temptation (ao3) - Dry_The_Rain

Summary: In a world where Alpha's are strong, Omega's are beautiful and Beta's are workers what happens to those who don't fit in? Phil Lester and Dan Howell and two of these people: here are their stories. (Or where Dan and Phil fall in love, even when they know it's impossible.)

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly (wattpad) - ragingsadbi

Summary: Dan Howell is the schools bad boy. He’s never had a real relationship and he doesn’t want a real relationship. That’s until he meets Phil Lester, the popular thespian who everyone wants to be friends with. What happens when The good meets the bad? Will it become Ugly?

The Leaders Princess (ao3) - Analphancones

Summary: Phil missed Dan, and he shows him just how much.

Tomorrow Is Another Day (ao3) - creativityatbest

Summary: Phil is the leader of the Howell’s rival gang and Dan just wants to leave it all behind.

You Gave Me Red Tulips But I Don’t Know What It Means (ao3) - OliveTheHobbit

Summary: Dan spent a good part of his life trying to fit in and went from pursued nerd to hated bully until he decided to get in harmony with himself and embrace more… Soft lifestyle.

Now, moving to a new city, all Dan wanted is to left all that behind, live his ‘pastel persona’ and find his soulmate.

But the group of punks that browbeats his neighborhood doesn’t seem interested in leaving him alone.

Especially one of the leaders, Phil Lester.

You’re My Gangsta Boy - midnightskydan

Summary: In which Phil’s one weakness is revealed: his baby. But the gang that realizes this is in far over their head.

[xhanisai]

Bite off more than you can chew and you’ll choke.

(AO3) (FFN)

Summary -  "But Lila cared more about the middle finger that Adrien shot at her when no one else was looking." To summarise, if you hurt the Ladybug, you can count on the Black Cat to absolutely annihilate you without mercy. A.K.A. A wonderful crackfic where Lila gets karma shoved up her ass by Adrien every time she tries to hurt Marinette.

A/N: I'm having an affair with dumb bitch juice. Shhh. Don't tell angst. ~(x)~ . . . "Heh, looking good~" The Italian teen winked to herself one last time at the mirror and then striked a pose that radiated pure confidence and clearly, a drop dead gorgeous Goddess that has ever descended this miserable planet. Luck was on her side today, lil ol' Rossi could feel it in her bones. 'Today is a wonderful day to knock down Dupain-Cheng a peg or two...' Lila hummed perversely, olive irises twinkling with mischief and sadism. She applied another coating of her favourite orange lip gloss and spritzed her body with some more pumpkin spice flavoured perfume (that was apparently a one of a kind DKNY product that the company themselves have gifted her, that's right Juleka). Digging out one of the hundreds of pictures she has of Adrien Agreste in her drawer, she planted a sloppy kiss on the face (lil hoe thinks she's being seductive smh smh), whispered something absolutely filthy and then made her way out of the house with a green apple in hand. As she walked, numerous plans and ideas were concocted up in her head whilst she happily chewed through the sour, bitter fruit that could compete with her own acidic heart. Certainly, her plans weren't going as smoothly as she'd like, given that not only has Marinette stood strong, Alya and Nino still stuck to the raven haired girl like glue and the model boy actually dared to threaten her to withdraw Mari's expulsion. Of all people, he threatened her! Who the hell did he think he is? He should be nothing but a spineless pretty face, a decoration to her growing fame. Ugh! Shaking her head and refocusing her thoughts, Lila took one last, harsh bite from the fruit and then tossed it away without a second glance, hitting an unsuspecting rat with wings- pigeon, an unsuspecting poor pigeon. Looks like M. Ramier will be akumatised later on if he ever sees the splat of feathers on the pavement. She didn't give a damn. Instead, a sinister, almost feral like smile stretched on the brunette's lips as she spotted her prey up ahead, sitting on the front steps that led to the collège. Quite a few passerbyers and students gave Marinette either a disappointed look or a disgusted grimace. Most pretty much ignored her, leaving the Asian bowing her head down in embarrassment, making herself look as small as possible. 'Like the useless mouse she is.' Lila barely held off the urge to giggle. After making Cheng look like such an evil cretin and even managing to get her expelled, her reputation has almost been tarnished! Marinette went from one of the most popular, prettiest, kindest girl in school to the most conniving, horrible, wench in a matter of a day. She would have been gone forever had it not been for Adrien's stupid- SPLASH!!!!! No way. No. Fucking. Way. Lila gaped like a dead fish, unable to comprehend what had just happened as her once dry, stylish clothes dripped with dirty puddle water and the stench of dirt clung to her hair and skin. The now filthy looking teen snapped out of her stupor and glowered at the offending car that DARED to zoom through the ginormous puddle only to gawk again when she registered the vehicle's familiarity. Lila wasn't able to do more than budge an inch as a certain model stepped out of the car in front of the collège and lifted Marinette to her feet with his hand. He gave the petite girl a warm smile that only sickened the Italian girl to the core even further and when he interlaced his hand with Marinette's, leading her inside the building, Lila couldn't stop the ferocious growl from escaping her throat. This was meant to be HER day today. A fresh splatter on her head from up above proved otherwise. Her hand shot to her head, face twisted in a witch like grimace as slick, gooey slime coated her fingers and hair. Lila mustered up as much venom as she possibly could in her eyes, tilting her head up, only to see the very same pigeon that got hit by the apple, glare back. Neither of the two noticed the wry smile that Adrien let out as he shielded a flustered Marinette inside the building... ~(x)~ Full classroom? Check. Mme. Bustier temporarily out of the room? Check. Dupain-Cheng opening her backpack whilst oblivious? Check. Lila wiggled in her seat like a cat waiting to pounce on the mouse (not like those in cute youtube videos), eyes narrowing at the back of Marinette's head, awaiting for the right moment to act. You see, earlier on, Lila planted one of Chloe's prized earrings (dumb barbie never learnt her lesson when it came to bringing family heirlooms to school) in Marinette's bag, planning on calling her out of stealing it to further crush her reputation into smithereens. Knowing Chloe and her illogical grudge against the girl, the consequences would be so much more worse for Marinette considering she's the mayor's daughter and all- . . . Wait... What? Lila blinked twice, thrice, then rubbed her eyes and blinked again. 'What in the world???' "O-ooooh! Who put this pretty flower in my bag?" Marinette twirled the lavender rose between her fingers in awe, admiring the beautiful plant with a cute blush on her cheeks. She gave the rose a sniff, cheeks glowing further as she hummed pleasantly. "It smells so nice!" Her smile was so disgustingly sweet, Lila could have sworn that the girl was radiating diabetes. Maybe she should pretend to faint and blame it on Marinette somehow? "Looks like you have a secret admirer, girl~ Did you know that lavender roses mean love at first sight?" Alya playfully poked Marinette's cheek, waggling her eyebrows whilst the rest of the girls in the class- sans Chloe, Sabrina and of course Lila herself, gathered around their class president's table. Their coos and questions were deaf on the seething Italian's ears as she was hyper focused on Adrien's face. The way his eyes lowered knowingly and his lips upturned into a secret but smug smile. The way his head tilted towards the side ever so slightly as he watched the French-Asian with so much...love. Lila was close to throwing up in her mouth. 'So that little Prince was the one who replaced Chloe's earrings with that stupid flower...huh...has he caught on...?' Just as that thought passed through Lila's head, the sound of Chloe bragging about her new earrings filled up the room with the addition of Sabrina's praises. The brunette cocked an eyebrow, dissatisfied of her plan failing in ruining Marinette's life further and getting Adrien wrapped around her pinky, where he belongs. With a string of Italian curses muttered, Lila opened her bag and- "CHE CAZZO È!?" Lila launched the provocative bag away with another scream and when it landed on Kim's desk, dozens of spiders pooled out like a tidal wave, causing the athletic Vietnamese to jump up ten feet in the air with a high pitched yowl and that in turn created a mass panic in the classroom. "Ah- đéođéođéo- KEEP THEM AWAY FROM ME!" Kim let out another screech, forcing himself into a baffled Alix's arms as the spiders scattered whilst everyone else stood on their desks to avoid the wonderfully adorable critters. "LILA! WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HAVE THOSE MONSTERS IN YOUR BAG!?" Kim cried out as soon as a shocked Mme. Bustier returned to the classroom. The red headed woman gawked at the floor and then grimaced before sending a stern look towards Lila, hands on her hips. Everyone in the class froze at her stance. "Lila, we know that you've just returned from a campaign to save a species of highly venomous spiders from going extinct but that does not permit you in bringing them to school. You'll be on rubbish duty for the rest of this week and M. Damocles shall discuss with you later on for a more suitable punishment after that. Everyone else, please remain calm and carefully step out of the room." The olive eyed brunette didn't get a chance to defend herself as everyone comically sped outside at a speed that would make even Sonic The Hedgehog jealous. Nino and Ivan were held piggy back style by their respective girlfriends whilst it took Alix, Max, Nathanael and Juleka to tear a petrified Kim off the wall (In turn, Rose held him bridal style as if he didn't weigh more than a feather). When she saw Marinette shyly grasp Adrien's hand to lead him out, Lila saw red and looked away before she did something she would regret. In amidst her internal monologue, she missed Adrien's dangerous smirk as his eyes glinted devilishly. The boy tightened his grip on Marinette's hand, much to the girl's surprise and delight whilst his kwami snickered in his blazer's inner pocket. ~(x)~ "Whoa!" Marinette let out a yelp, numerous files slipping out of her hands as she flailed her arms to regain balance. Unfortunately, she ended up tipping backwards towards the edge of the stairs much to Lila's entertainment. If she couldn't break Marinette's godforsaken will and reputation completely, a few bones or so should satisfy her ruthless heart- "Marinette! Be careful!" With amazing speed, Adrien caught the girl from behind, interlocking his arms around her body in an iron grip without even wincing at the weight of her mass colliding with his chest. A few passerbyers, including Rossi herself observed the scene with incredulous expressions. The latter pissed at the stupid prince charming's bloody timing! She didn't know what annoyed her more. The fact that her plan failed for the umpteenth time or the useless anime like tropes that seemed to play when it came to blonde boy and noir girl. "Ack! Thanks Adrien..."  Marinette expected a simple 'No problem Mari,' from the boy but was taken aback by his malicious glare that was directed at the tanned girl before them. She couldn't help the squeak that escaped her when his grip tightened as he lead them up the stairs, standing a mere feet away from Lila. His hold on Cheng wavered between protective and possessive. Marinette found it kinda hot. "You know, we have bins for a reason Rossi. Be sure to chuck your litter away or else someone could get hurt." His voice was gravelly and alarmingly low, indicating who would really get harmed in the situation. Lila hated the way her blood chilled to ice and the unpleasant shivers that shook her spine before mustering the energy to plaster an innocent smile instead of running away. "Oops. Silly me," She bent down to pick up the can she conveniently dropped earlier on, causing Marinette to trip in the first place. "My arthritis has been acting up all day-" "And I painted the Mona Lisa, yeah, whatever." Marinette and Lila, both only close enough to hear, widened their eyes at Adrien's passive aggressive tone. Without wasting another second, the boy tugged Marinette along, heading away from the scowling Italian. The sickening duo seemed to get closer and closer every second, causing Lila's blood to burn with rage. "He's definitely caught on...that boy is more slippery and sneaky than I thought...as expected of the son of Gabriel Agreste." Lila growled severely, crushing the can in her grip- SPEW! Oh. The can was never empty from the start. Steam figuratively shot out of her ears as the fizzy drink dripped down her hair, face and clothes, smearing her layers upon layers of caked makeup that took her hours to do this morning- after she went back home to shower and changed into fresh clothes when she was soaked by that dirty puddle, courtesy of Adrien's fucking car! 'GAME ON AGRESTE.' ~(x)~ Lila planted that wretched goose- pigeon, that wretched pigeon in Marinette's locker, anticipating a commotion or SOMETHING. However, when the unsuspecting girl, accompanied by her trio of friends, opened said locker, there was no pigeon. Instead, out popped out a ridiculously cute, handmade Chat Noir doll. According to Marinette's and Alya's babbles, it's a doll that the former has made ever since the pathetic heroes of Paris made their debut. "But how did it get here? I don't recall bringing it in with me today," Yes, Lila also wanted to know how the FUCK that cursed plush appeared out of thin air. It certainly wasn't there when she shoved the feathered pterodactyl in. "Maybe you brought it with you by accident?" Nino quipped. "Didn't you have that phase back in école where you'd always bring a teddy that you slept with for company?" "WEDONOTTALKABOUTTHAT." Marinette retorted back with gritted teeth, slamming her locker door for emphasis but the way she hugged the Chat Noir doll protectively afterwards did little to intimidate the bespeckled boy. In fact, much to Lila's disgust, the trio melted at Marinette's obviously fake cuteness. Unbelievable! Where did that pigeon go anyways!? Never peeling her eyes away from the nauseating quad, Lila snatched the door of her locker open, grinding her teeth- "COO!!!" ...only to be attacked by a flurry of feathers and a sharp beak. This time, whilst she, along with a 'helpful' Alya and Nino managed to rip the bedeviled thing off her face, Lila caught a shit-eating grin on Adrien's lips as he watched her suffer without a word. 'That little BASTARD! He did this to me!' Rolling his eyes as if Lila was nothing but a three year old throwing a tantrum, he threw an arm around Marinette's shoulder who looked more confused than anything. "What is Jacques doing here?" Lila almost scoffed at the Asian's question. That failure of a bird has a name? And familiarised with Marinette no less? No wonder he was currently a bitch and half in her ass! No one answered Mari's question regardless. Though surely, that sinister cat of a model held the answer. "I'm more curious of whether you sleep with that little Chat doll or not, Marinette~" He teased, much to Lila's dismay and Marinette's embarrassment. Alya and Nino momentarily forgot about the clearly traumatised Lila, simply to join in with the jesting. "N-N-NO! HAHA- what a silly question Adrien!" Marinette slapped the teen's shoulder with a bit more oomph than the usual friendly slaps, cheeks reddening and eyes flickering to the side. "She can't go to sleep without it~" Alya confessed on her best friend's behalf, glasses twinkling impishly at Mari's cry of "Traitor!". "One time when she was at mine for a sleepover, she forgot to bring Petit Noir along and stayed awake all night without his presence. She's so pure, isn't she?" Marinette was left as a blushy, squealing mess as the rest of her friends chuckled fondly. If it wasn't frowned upon in this country, Rossi would have gladly kicked them all out the window one by one till their sorry necks snapped but even she had some sort of control. "Adorable, absolutely adorable." This time, Lila did throw up in her mouth as Adrien swept Marinette up into a bone crushing hug with the most disgusting look of 'love' tattooed on his face. The hazel eyed brunette stormed out of the locker room with a growl, deaf to Alya's questioning shouts of her name. She was going to TEAR that boy apart from limb to limb! Adrien's grin only grew at her departure, daring the idiotic girl to try and pull another stunt again. ~(x)~ During a photoshoot that Lila was assigned to model at, every time she attempted to inappropriately run her hands down Adrien's torso or shoulders, she ended up getting bitten by god knows what. The more she tried, the harder the bites were and towards the end, the shoot was cancelled as her skin was covered in tiny little bite marks that resembled wasp stings or even a terrible allergic reaction. The horrid girl never noticed the tiny God of Destruction that lingered nearby his chosen who in turn delivered a little fistbump to his precious friend with a smile far too saccharine to be innocent. ~(x)~ Just before their French lesson began, Lila staged a scene by crying out in pain when shoving her hand in her bag and 'finding' multitudes of sewing needles in them. Surely the class would turn their heads towards Dupain-Cheng with animosity as she claimed that Marinette must have sabotaged her bag that day. Instead, much to her surprise, the majority of the class defended her with an alibi. "But M. Dupain and Mme. Cheng hid away all her sewing stuff for the rest of the month so that Marinette could concentrate for the upcoming exams!" Gee thanks Rose. "Marinette was at mine's yesterday night to study and sleepover so there's no way that she did that," Godammit Alya. "I'm pretty sure 'Nette's needles are silver in colour, not bronze." Shut up Lahiffe. "She would panic if she steps on an ant, how could she hurt a person?" Really Alix? Really? "Marinette and I were stuck in the closet all break so there's no way she's managed to sabotage your bag, Lila." Agreste- do you even know what you're implying here? To summarise, the case was neutralised with a theory that one of the textile upperclassmen students must have accidently put a container of needles in her bag, thinking it belonged to the department. But Lila cared more about the middle finger that Adrien shot at her when no one else was looking. ~(x)~ Lila tried tripping Marinette again but this time, she was caught by the Japanese fencer girl who 'politely' thwacked Lila's knees with her foil and told her to get out of her class. That ice queen never left Marinette's side for the rest of the day. When Marinette arrived to the morning classes with a disturbingly gorgeous, sheer white sundress in hand, babbling about how she was going to alter it after the exams to her friends, of course Lila gave into temptation by altering it herself. By altering, she meant smothering the skirt of the dress with non washable red paint. Marinette returned to the afternoon classes wearing the dress but with the red stains magically transformed into a flawless gradient and decorated with faux red rose petals on the edge of the skirt and the tip of the bust. The poor Italian was rewarded with the grand scene of Adrien claiming out loud how 'beautiful' his 'Princess' looked without shame and twirling her around in the air. Next, Lila somehow snuck a snake out from the zoo (getting bitten a million times and even throttled at one point by said creature) and secretly let it loose at the Dupain-Cheng bakery when she was only 'looking around'. The snake ended up getting its own tank and promoted the bakery, increasing the numbers of customers because surprise surprise, it's the year of the snake according to the Lunar calendar and everyone saw that slimy creature as a symbol of good luck! M. Césaire let the family keep the snake. Marinette named him Aspik much to Adrien's ambiguous delight but then changed it to Viperion when the boy accidentally tore apart her favourite ball of yarn. ("Little bug how could you do this to me!?") Lila even tried to start a rumour going where she apparently witnessed Marinette kissing a strange, delinquent after hours in creepy alleyways and got a little frisky with him. Adrien turned that around on her by asking why she was spying on him and Marinette, both wearing scarves that poorly concealed their ravaged necks. The rest of the day was spent with students gossiping about the new developments of 'Project Adrienette' and suddenly the despicable duo were dating. The rest of the students and teachers decided to switch to Lila as a target to send their scrutinising eyes at. It took Lila twenty-four hours of staring at a blank wall to digest the fact that she unintentionally nudged those two together in her pursuit of destroying them both. Twenty four hours of gaping with dead eyes and not moving a muscle whilst her phone buzzed with the latest gossip on Adrien and Marinette. An immediate news report on Ladybug grabbing Chat Noir into a heated kiss after an akuma battle that almost sent them running for their money, confirming their relationship broke Lila out of her daze and left her screaming inside her house. ~(x)~ The classroom door slammed open, revealing a dishevelled, crude looking Lila Rossi, heaving for air like she's just ran around the world in twelve days. Her hair was dirty, greasy and stuck in ways that defied physics. Her clothes were torn, stained and slick with unnamed substances. Her face was covered in stings, scratches and red marks that ruined her usually flawless make up. Clearly, a drop dead gorgeous Goddess that has ever descended this miserable planet. The students paused whatever they were doing, curious and slightly concerned at the state of the Italian's exterior. Lila let out an animalistic growl, pointing a finger at Adrien Agreste who paid no mind to her and carried on reading his book whilst Marinette Dupain-Cheng slumbered away peacefully in his lap. "I don't know how you did it or what dark magic you played on me or what voodoo dolls you have been using, but you'll never get away with humiliating me! Both of you!" Everyone's eyes widened at Lila's desperate and frustrated tone, now facing the boy bearing the brunt of her bite. Much to Rossi's screaming irritation, Adrien only flipped a page of his book with a hum like someone has just asked him whether he'd like some sugar with his tea. "STOP ACTING DUMB AGRESTE! I KNOW IT'S YOU WHO TRIED TO RUIN MY LIFE!" This time, she received eye contact from the boy. Instead of retaliating back, he put a finger on his lips and- ...shushed her. She was going to fucking KILL HIM. "My Marinette has pulled two all nighters in a row for the exam we just had this morning- which you missed by the way. So, she's sleeping right now. If you have some respect, keep it down." His tone was polite, sophisticated and angelic and his face was softened into the most sweetest smile. A front for the devilish cackle and demonic smirk that was threatening to burst out the seams of his fake exterior and Lila was able to sense it with ease. She didn't get a chance to yell back as Chloe suddenly interrupted. "And what has my Adrikins done to you? Other than get brainwashed by that ridiculous rat and start dating her of course," The blonde pursed her pastel lips, ignoring Adrien's comments on 'I'm not your Adrikins,' and 'Stop being mean to my sweet girlfriend,' and whatever nonsense he was spouting. "Oh wow...hahah...where do I start?" The hysteric girl began, blind to everyone else's distressed gaze at her behaviour. "The spiders? The pins? The ghost bites? That damn ugly bird that can't seem to find another place other than my head to SHIT ON!?" The object of her hate only raised a brow in confusion. "YOU'RE BEHIND IT ALL! I KNOW IT'S YOU!" "...Lila, were you bitten by those spiders that you were protecting during your campaign like a week ago? I think you need to see a doctor." Was the reply she got from Adrien before he went back to his book. "Also, this book mentions that being pooped on by a bird is a sign of good luck! Maybe you'll have a good fortune coming your way after you get better, Lila~" The baffled girl stared back grotesquely, jaw dropped and eye twitching, unable to comprehend the Adrien Agreste before her right now. She didn't even protest as Rose and Juleka hauled her flat ass out of the class, to the nurse's room, debating whether or not to call the ambulance for the mad girl. 'What...The...Actual...FUCK!?' ~(x)~ After the classroom door was closed, leaving behind a questioning class, a cat hero fighting the urge to burst out laughing and a bug heroine stirring awake. "Hmm...what happened Chaton?" Marinette hummed out, still half asleep and she nuzzled against the hand that cupped her cheek. Adrien replied with a genuine, soft smile full of love and a bit of his feline mischievousness. "I'll tell you later, Bug. Get some sleep, okay?" He pressed a chaste kiss on her lips, gaining a brilliant smile in return as Marinette settled back to sleep, relishing the way his fingers combed through her bobbleless hair. 'Mission accomplished, Plagg,' Adrien mused to himself, winking at his kwami who peered out of his bag whilst Tikki shook her head at her counterpart; albeit with more love than anger. The boy dived back into his book, tuning out the discussions that the rest of his friends were sharing regarding the impertinent wench that was just gotten rid of. Hopefully, they won't be seeing her for a very long time. Jacques the pigeon would be delighted in making sure of that. After all: If you hurt the Ladybug, you can count on the Black Cat to absolutely annihilate you without mercy... . . . ~(x)~

Dictionary 

'đéo' - Vietnamese for 'fuck no!' 

'che cazzo è' - Italian for 'What the fuck is this?'

[titaniumpsychologist]

Duality of Light - Chapter 4 Deleted Scene

As everyone knows (especially with anything creative), sometimes what you're making just doesn't fit with what you're going for. Or sometimes you doubt your ability to accomplish it. Well, for those interested, and for my posterity, I'm going to post an initial (really rough, really meh, but was also really hard for me to remove) scene that didn't make the "final cut" for Ao3.

Contains spoilers for a "big reveal" for chapter 4 of the DBH fanfic I'm writing. If you know, you know lol. (Fic can be found here on Ao3 https://archiveofourown.org/works/37467820/chapters/93505051)

Rough draft content and my reasoning for removing it found under the break. Contains strong language. SPOILERS FOR CHAPTER 4 AHEAD.

[Gavin POV]

[half-bros be on phone at this point]

"Elijah," Gavin said. Damn, was he crying? Gavin Reed did not cry.

"Gavin?"

On Elijah's end, Gavin could hear things dropping, like tools or metallic materials. His brother was probably in his workshop.

"Sorry, you sound busy," Gavin said. It felt like glue was trying to keep his words from coming out. "I'll hang up."

"No! No, it's okay. I'm not busy, I'm more surprised, actually. Can I help you with anything?"

"Make it make sense, Elijah, because nothing is fucking making sense right now!"

"Gavin, hey, you called me and I answered. So what happened?"

"Elijah, I swear, this better be some kind of fucking joke. You better not have had a hand in any of this even though I fucking know you did something. Tell me that you didn't fucking do this!"

Elijah went silent. Gavin nearly threw his phone across his apartment because that was confirmation enough that Elijah knew. He knew about this the whole fucking time.

"Say something, you piece of shit!" Gavin screamed into his phone.

"You found out. About your... condition."

"No shit! What the fuck is this? I'm getting pieces over here and I don't like the picture they're making. Make it make fucking sense."

"Gavin, you need to promise me that you'll remain calm if I explain myself, okay?"

"I'm fucking bleeding blue when the entire time I thought my blood was red like every other fucking human on the planet. But sure, I'll remain calm."

Elijah huffed a long sigh. "You're an android, Gavin."

"No shit, Sherlock! How long have I been an android? Can you even call me Gavin? Am I one of your fucking experiments? Are you the one that messed with my public records?"

"So you know about those, too."

"I know that they're locked down and I can't think of a single person with enough clearance with the government who'd think to do that shit. There's two files that are like that. Why the fuck is one dated when I had my accident?"

"It's... complicated."

"Then un-complicate it, dipshit!"

"I'll start at the beginning, then."

Gavin closed his eyes and wiped the tears running down his face with his sleeve. He should probably sit down for this.

[Insert Connor POV scene placeholder for what Connor and Hank are doing at around this time, probs at station or library]

[Gavin POV]

It was... a lot.

Gavin stared at the copies of his public records Elijah sent that were stored on a local drive somewhere. One was what he expected: a collection of newspaper articles where his name was mentioned for arrests, a brief article of when he got promoted to detective, a brief biography that listed him as "Reed, Gavin; D.O.B. October 7th, 2002," and one from a more recent time he had to talk to the press to bring awareness to kids about the dangers of Red Ice.

The second file...

Gavin Reed, born on October 7th, 2002 as Gavin Reed-Kamski in the city of Detroit, MI passed away on November 2nd, 2028 at age 26 while on duty working for the Detroit Police Department.

Son of Henry Kamski (passed January 2nd, 2025, aged 59) and Rachel Reed (passed December 18th, 2024, aged 55) he is survived by his half-brother Elijah Kamski. May his memory be honored and we appreciate his service to the community.

Underneath was the formal picture of him in his dress uniform, the same one hanging on a wall with all his other coworkers at the Detroit Police Central Station. There was another picture of his mom and dad with him and Elijah at the front, posing for a group photo for when he finished high school at sixteen, three years after Elijah.

He was looking at his own fucking obituary.

"You're still there?" came Elijah's voice on the other end of the phone call.

"Fuck."

"Are you okay?"

"Fuck, Eli. Just... what the fuck did you do? Am I dead or not?"

"You're dead. But... not."

"How does that make any fucking sense?"

"I can send you more files. Ones that'll give you more context."

"Eli, how the fuck is any of this fucking possible if this is saying I'm dead?"

[REDACTED SECTION BECAUSE LOL I'M USING THIS SEGMENT FOR STUFF]

Gavin scrubbed a hand down his face. Fuck. What did Elijah do?

"Explain," he said. "You better fucking explain. Now."

"Gavin, it's complicated and I'm going to explain the best way I can." Elijah sighed. His next words were shaky, like he was trying to keep himself together. "I was there. For once in my life, I was there for my brother, but it was too... fucking late to realize what I was doing to my family. I lost everyone. And it wasn't fair. My brother was just getting his life started and then it ended so fast. But no, I thought maybe I could get another chance, give him another chance. I thought maybe I could bring my brother back, so I left CyberLife and took the remnants of an RK100 android that I had in my possession and I programmed the most lifelike android I could create. I programmed his memories and his personality based on what I remember of him, of the journals that he used to write in for a majority of his life, specifically created a mind palace that would take all that input and simulate the closest thing to my brother. I did this for an entire month."

"Then why the fuck don't I remember it that way?"

[MORE REDACTED SHENANIGANS BC I MIGHT USE THIS LATER]

Well, my reasoning for why I removed this from the final draft was because of my struggles with trying to characterize Kamski for what I needed to fit in later. Also, I wasn't that happy with how to make this whole reveal impactful until the whole literally bringing Gavin to the gravesite idea that I had for another scene just... fit better. Ended up doing the shuffle with my timeline. It solved one of my issues with one of my plotlines (which is a bonus), but it created another problem with a different plotline. UGH. Why writing be difficult?

[roman-writing]

no great revelation (7/8)

Fandom(s): The Haunting of Bly Manor / Star Wars

Pairing: Dani Clayton/Jamie Taylor

Rating: M

Wordcount: 6,244

Summary: Jamie  just wants to enjoy a drink after a hard day’s work on the Telosian  Restoration Project. The last thing she needs is to get herself  caught  up in a mysterious woman with a lightsabre at the local bar.

Aurthor’s notes: Please note the rating change

read it below or read it here on AO3

VII.

—

Jamie swiped up on the tablet to throw the video to the feed at the centre of the table.

"Rebecca, this is everyone," Jamie said. "Everyone, this is Rebecca."

"I thought that maybe you'd been making up your Jedi friends this whole time. Nice to see I was wrong about that." Rebecca gave a little wave. "Hi, Dani. How's the ghost?"

Dani sank down a little in her seat, and her answering smile was more of a grimace. "Hi. Sorry," she mumbled.

"Yeah, about that," said Jamie. “Back on Quint’s ship, you said you knew what was happening at House Thul.”

“Oh? Finally ready to listen to me, are you?”

“Don’t push me,” Jamie growled, jabbing the tip of her finger at Rebecca’s face on the screen. “Remember. Galaxy’s Biggest Favour.”

Rebecca rolled her eyes. She had taken the call with her back to a wall, so it was impossible to glean her surroundings. "The Empire wants a foothold on Alderaan. It's a strategic location in the Core Worlds. They have been working over Lord Wingrave after the death of his brother and sister-in-law, helping him fabricate claims to the House, claims to his niece and nephew, claims to a position in the Republic Senate. You know the drill. Traditional blackmail."

"What else?" Jamie pressed.

For a moment Rebecca glanced over the top of the camera as if looking at something else out of frame, but then her attention returned back to the screen. "The children are Force Sensitives. The Sith have been helping Lord Wingrave keep that under wraps, so that The Order wouldn't take them away to the Temple for training. My sources tell me that the plan was for a Sith Lord to create sleeper agents out of the children through the use of some ancient Sith device containing a ghost."

"Which Sith?" Hannah asked.

"I'm not in the business of keeping tabs on Sith Lords. By the way," Rebecca pointed through the screen at Hannah. "How have you found shaving your head? Because I've been thinking of cutting my hair back, but I’m not sure about going all the way."

Running a hand along her shaved scalp, Hannah said, "There's nothing quite so freeing."

"Good to know. Thanks.” 

"Oi," Jamie snapped her fingers. "Focus. The Sith Lord."

"What else is there to say?" Rebecca replied dryly. "They're a Sith Lord. They're scary. They're dangerous. They're not to be fucked with. Your Jedi friends probably know the drill better than me."

"I hope not," Owen said under his breath as he took a sip of tea.

Hannah sat up a little straighter, hands clasped neatly on the table before her. "Do we know where they are? Where they're going, perhaps? Any information you give us may be vital."

Leaning her back against the wall behind her, Rebecca pursed her lips in thought before answering with a shake of her head. "I know they want the children, and I know they want the holocron. So - Alderaan."

"But the holocron isn't on Alderaan," Dani pointed out.

"They don't know that," said Rebecca. "Peter lied to buy himself time, and told them it was still in the estate of House Thul."

"But -" Dani frowned. "House Thul has its own militia of guardsmen. I know Sith are powerful but the Empire would need to send troops if they wanted to break in and hold ground."

"Then I guess the Sith Lord will be invading with troops as well."

Sighing deeply, Jamie lowered her face to her hands, letting her fingers scrub through her hair. Then she looked up again, hands hooked behind her neck. "Right. Guess we're off to Alderaan, then."

Rebecca laughed. When nobody else joined in, she stopped. "Wait. You're serious? Did you not just hear me say 'Most likely a Sith Lord is going to invade House Thul?' As in — with a shock legion. As in over a thousand soldiers led by a malevolent Force User, who can and would probably kill a room with a snap of their fingers?” 

Lowering her hands, Jamie said, "Yeah, you - uh - you mentioned that. Good thing you'll be right there with us."

"You have got to be joking."

Jamie said nothing. Just gave Rebecca a long look.

"Jamie," said Rebecca, her expression horrified, "You can't be serious. When I said 'favour' I didn't mean 'suicide.'"

"We can’t let them have those kids. Trying to mobilise Republic troops or The Order without enough evidence is a fuckin’ waste of time. We need to get into the estate of House Thul," Jamie gestured around to everyone at the table. "You're a smuggler. So, smuggle us in."

Rebecca pinched the bridge of her nose. "Alderaan is Republic territory. Why do you need me to smuggle you onto the planet, when you can just fly and land there yourself?"

"Because of her." Jamie gestured towards Dani, who looked both startled at being mentioned and guilty. "I don't want Pasha and his Troopers linking Dani to this in any way. They can't know she returned to House Thul. She has to come out of this squeaky clean."

Groaning, Rebecca said, "Fine. When do you want to go?"

"As soon as possible," said Owen.

"I'm -" Rebecca looked over the top of the camera again, craning her neck slightly. "Thirty two hours from Alderaan through hyperspace. Meet me in orbit around the planet. How's the ship I gave you?"

"Rude," Jamie said blandly. "It keeps insulting me."

A smile tugged at the corner of Rebecca's mouth and she began tapping at the buttons below her screen. "That sounds like Jane."

Jamie's face screwed up. "Jane? It has a name?"

"It's a JN class droid uploaded into the ship’s mainframe. It likes being called Jane. Didn't you ask it?"

"No?"

"Well, no wonder it's rude to you. By the way, I’ve just dropped you those pictures of my godson that you asked for last time. They should be appearing on your device now.” Rebecca waved with a little flutter of her fingers. “See you in thirty two hours.”

The video feed winked out. 

"I rather like that young woman," Hannah said.

“Get in line,” Jamie grumbled. 

The video had been replaced by a file icon. Jamie clicked it and brought up the first photo of Rebecca carrying a blue-skinned Twi’lek child on her back, both wearing big beaming smiles. 

“Oh, they’re adorable,” Owen sighed. 

Fuming, Jamie flicked to the next photo, which was equally adorable. “Fuck. Okay. Yeah. They are.”

—

After cleaning up in the dining room and kitchen, Hannah gently nudged Jamie's arm and indicated she should follow her. Jamie glanced over at Dani, but she was engaged in a lively conversation with Owen while they dried dishes together. Dani's smile had lost its tentative edge the longer Owen spoke to her, but there was still a tenseness to the way she held her shoulders, the same tenseness that had been present back in Ho'kyn's bar on Telos IV, as though she were afraid someone would batter down the door at any moment.

Jamie followed Hannah, who led her up a set of stairs to a mezzanine floor where the walls were floor to ceiling scrolls and books and objects of cultural curiosity.

"Find anything new?" Jamie asked. She leaned back against the railing of the mezzanine which overlooked the lounge below.

Hannah plucked a tome from its shelf, dusted it off, and opened it to a page that had already been marked with a length of ribbon. "Yes and no. Nothing helpful, anyway."

She came to stand beside Jamie so that she might also look at the book. Jamie peered at it from the corner of her eye, not recognising the script around the drawing of a grey-skinned woman in dark red robes with a deep cowl.

"That a Sith?" Jamie asked.

Hannah hummed a curious note. "A Witch of Dathomir. Dark-aligned, for the most part, but not Imperial. They're the only practitioners of possession I've been able to find record of at all. I believe The Lady might have been an early precursor. Or perhaps they developed similar techniques independently."

Jamie stood straighter, hands tightening around the railing. "Wait, so - you can reverse it?"

Hannah snapped the book shut. "No. Though a visit to Dathomir might be in order, should we survive. However, if you chose to go, I won't be accompanying you. They dislike Jedi as much as they dislike Sith."

"Good thing I'm not a Jedi."

"I doubt they'll see the difference," Hannah said, and she tucked the book beneath one arm. "Failing that, the only other people who might know anything about this ghost are the Sith themselves."

Jamie scoffed, smiling. "Right. I'll just sail into their capital on Dromund Kaas and ask for help, then. Great advice."

A flick of the Force against Jamie's ear made her wince.

"Don't be cheeky," said Hannah.

Rubbing at her ear, Jamie opened her mouth to retort but stopped. Beneath them Dani and Owen walked into the lounge, still talking. Dani moved her hands when she spoke, and Owen watched her with a fond if guarded smile.

"I am afraid for her," Hannah murmured so that they would not be overheard.

Jamie nodded. "Yeah."

"For someone like our lovely Miss Clayton, the Dark Side is not a lure so much as it is a glue trap," Hannah mused aloud. "It has a gravity of its own, the darkness. And once there, it becomes more and more difficult to claw your way free. Even if you want to. Even if you know you should, but can’t bring yourself to try. Fear is her failing. And fear is the relinquishment of logic."

Jamie glanced at Hannah. "Can you teach her when this is all over? You're the best of the best in The Order when it comes to balance in the Force."

Without looking at Jamie, Hannah lightly smacked her arm, just a dismissive tap with the back of one hand. "Don't try your flattery on me. I've known you too long for that nonsense."

"That nonsense," said Jamie, "has gotten me out of more sticky situations than you know."

"But it won't get Miss Clayton out of this one."

Muttering a curse under her breath, Jamie sank down a bit, gripping the railing as she did so until she stood bent over and leaning against it. "Don't you start, too. I had Owen in my ear last night about it."

"Good man," Hannah murmured appreciatively.

"Bloody hypocrites. The both of you."

"You can't solve everything with your curmudgeonly charm," said Hannah.

"I fuckin' can."

"Sometimes," Hannah turned, leaning her back against the railing, arms crossed over the book gripped loosely to her chest, "a helping hand can only do so much. A person needs to want to help themself."

Jamie scowled. "So, what? If we can't help her we just ship her off to the Empire? 'Here, have a new Sith apprentice?' You haven't even given her a chance, and you two are already lecturing me on how I need to let go." She shook her head with a bitter chuckle. "Unbelievable."

And of course Hannah remained infuriatingly unflappable, her voice calm when she replied, "I will do everything I can, as I know Owen will, too. But — even should we survive this ordeal — our time with her will be limited. She will not be safe on Tython, where some overzealous Knight will surely sense her presence and jump to conclusions."

Jamie's mouth went dry. She swallowed. "Then where am I supposed to take her for training?"

Hannah smiled and placed a warm hand on Jamie's forearm. "Wherever you want, dear. So long as you're there."

Face screwing up in confusion, Jamie straightened. "But you just - You were just telling me how I needed to keep my distance and all that shite."

"Was I?" Hannah murmured, and she let go of Jamie's arm to instead toy at a gold earring. "I don't recall saying that at all."

And with that she crossed back over to place the book on its shelf.

"What do you mean? Hannah?" said Jamie, turning around.

Humming to herself as if she hadn't heard, Hannah drifted off down the stairs.

"Hannah," Jamie repeated, louder this time.

"We really must pack, Owen," said Hannah, ignoring Jamie completely.

Hitting her fist against the railing, Jamie turned back around to glower down at Hannah, who appeared on the floor below. Hannah urged Owen down a hallway with instructions to pack for the trip, leaving Dani standing in the middle of the lounge, alone. Dani looked up, and Jamie's fist loosened.

The last time Jamie had seen her from this angle, Dani had been in the full thrall of The Lady back on the luxury cruiser, her red-gold gaze piercing through a camera in the ceiling. Now, Dani blinked up at her with none of that cold malice to be found. She opened her mouth to say something, but then Hannah's voice called down the hallway.

"Miss Clayton, what's the weather like at House Thul?"

Dani turned and began walking towards the sound, already answering Hannah's question, and leaving Jamie staring after her from the mezzanine floor, lost.

—

The gangway automatically lowered to the ground when Jamie got within a certain distance from the luxury cruiser still docked where they had left it.

"Good afternoon, Bollocks," said the cultured male baritone of the ship's computer. "You've brought guests."

Beside her, Owen mouthed the word 'bollocks?' at Hannah, who looked like she was trying very hard not to laugh.

Jamie rolled her eyes and shooed the two of them up the gangway, trailed by Dani. "I have, yeah. Anything interesting happen while we were away, Jane?"

There followed a pause that was slightly too long for a droid of this calibre, and then the ship's computer replied, "Nothing of note. I did not tell you to call me that."

"Oh? Don't like it? Should I call you bawbag instead?"

Another pause, this one affronted. "Jane," said the ship's computer, "is perfectly serviceable."

"Glad to hear it, mate," Jamie drawled and stepped into the ship proper.

As Dani stepped up behind her, the ship's computer said, "And a good day to you, too, Miss Clayton. You're looking very alive today."

"Uh -" said Dani, and she ducked her head sheepishly. "Thanks."

The gangway lifted and sealed behind them once everyone had entered the main atrium, where the ship’s computer had already sent out a small service droid on trundlers bearing glasses of some kind of pale carbonated alcohol. 

“Don’t mind if I do,” Owen murmured, picking up a glass and taking a sip. He made an appreciative noise. 

“Where would we like to go?” the ship’s computer asked.

Jamie waved the service droid away when it tried to press an insistent drink into her hand. “No, thanks. Jane, calculate a route to Alderaan. We need to meet someone in orbit around the planet in thirty two hours.”

“Route calculated,” the ship’s computer replied almost immediately. “The journey is only expected to take twenty one hours through hyperspace. I will chart a circuitous route so that we arrive on time. If it would please you, you may make your way to the dining lounge. I have prepared a light lunch before we depart.” 

Frowning, Jamie looked up at the ceiling. “How the hell did you even know we were coming?”

“I have access to the station’s security cameras and systems.”

That gave everyone pause. Owen froze in the act of draining his glass, while Hannah and Dani shared looks. 

“You hacked the station’s security system?” Jamie said.

“Negative, Bollocks,” said the ship’s computer. “I asked the mainframe for access very nicely.” 

“Are you lying?” Jamie turned to Hannah and Dani. “Can droids lie?”

The ship’s computer did not answer. Which wasn’t concerning. Not at all. Owen suddenly looked a bit queasy, and he gingerly lowered his near empty glass back onto the tray held out by the service droid. 

“You need not fear for the condition of food and drink aboard this vessel,” said the ship’s computer. “I am programmed to care for and protect any legitimate member of this crew as designated by the Captain and owner.” 

Jamie pointed jokingly at Owen and said, “Better watch yourself, then.”

Placing a hand over his chest, Owen pretended to look insulted, then followed Jamie further into the ship towards the dining lounge. 

“May I ask,” started the ship’s computer, “what are we going to be doing on Alderaan?’

Jamie dragged her hand along one of the polished white walls as she walked. “Getting in over our heads.”

“Please clarify.”

“We’re going to have a fight. Why?” Jamie asked dryly. “Do you also happen to have ion cannons strapped to your shiny exterior?”

“Negative. But I do come equipped with some accessories the crew might find useful in the event of a boarding attempt.”

One of the panels beneath Jamie’s hand pressed inwards, and a whole section of the wall peeled back to reveal racks upon racks of blaster pistols, blaster rifles, grenades, vibroweapons with wickedly curved blades some small enough to strap to the leg, others long enough to be wielded with two hands. Everything that would make a Republic Trooper get all hot and bothered.   

All four of them stopped in their tracks and stared. 

“Definitely an ex-Czerka ship,” Hannah muttered under her breath.

Hand on the hilt of the lightsabre at her hip, Dani said, “I think I’ll stick with this. I’d be more likely to shoot my own foot.”

“Likewise,” said Owen. 

Meanwhile Jamie reached out and hefted a blaster pistol. She turned it over in her hands for closer inspection, careful not to graze anyone with the barrel, but all defining marks or serial numbers had been either scrubbed off or hadn’t made it far enough in manufacturing to be stamped in the first place. With a shrug, she took one of the holsters and belted it around her waist. 

Owen gave her a look. “Really?” 

“What?” Jamie holstered the blaster pistol and waved at the other three. “You all have lightsabres, and we’re going up against who only knows what. Am I supposed to just hide behind a pillar while you lot do all the fun stuff?” 

Before they could answer, the ship’s computer chimed and said from its hidden speakers in the ceiling. “Not to interrupt,” said Jane, “but the tea is getting cold.”

Immediately Owen’s eyes brightened. “Oh, tea?” 

It was in fact high tea. Three tiered platters. Fine bone china. Petit fours. The whole lot. They amused themselves in the various lounges and quarters of the ship for hours before departure, at which point the ship’s computer insisted upon harnesses being secured. The jump to hyperspace left Jamie feeling on edge, as though she had left her stomach behind on Tython. And she couldn’t have been the only one. Their talk had been too forced, their laughter too loud, Owen and Jamie swapping stories to the delight of Dani and Hannah, who would chime in every now and then. And when Jane rolled out a more formal dinner, it felt like some kind of last meal before execution at dawn by firing squad. 

Jamie couldn’t find it in herself to enjoy the meal. Every bite tasted like ash. The ship’s computer on the other hand seemed thrilled that its crew was finally taking part in its carefully scheduled meals and activities. More than once Jamie thought she heard a low-pitched contented hum from the belly of the ship. Or perhaps that was simply the engine room. 

Eventually, Jamie made her excuses and left the others to their own devices. Jamie walked into the same bedroom she had taken during the initial trip on this vessel. First one on the left from the main lounge. There were at least four other rooms of generally equal size and accommodation on the ship; Jamie had simply picked this one because it was closest to the helm, easy to access and nothing more. 

Jamie sighed and stopped in the middle of the room. She unslung the holster and pistol, dropping it to the ground, then began to unbutton the crisp white shirt she had stolen from the medbay. Back on Tython, Hannah had offered her a spare set of robes, which she’d declined. Jamie hadn’t worn robes since she was a padawan, and after years of boilersuits and undershirts, she wasn’t about to start again any time soon, thanks. Even if it meant dumb slacks and collared shirts made of some anti-wrinkle fabric that cost more than her apartment back on Telos IV. 

She just needed to make it one more day. Just one more day. The last few weeks had shaved off a good few years from her life. Probably. And by this time tomorrow this whole ordeal would be over, alive or dead. Probably. 

There was a knock at the door. With a frown, Jamie turned, hands paused in the act of unbuttoning the shirt halfway down her stomach. “Yeah?” 

The door hissed open and shut again behind Dani as she stepped into the room. “Hi.”

Jamie blinked. “Hey.” 

For a long moment Dani did and said nothing. Her mismatched gaze flicked down to the narrow v of skin and the dogtags revealed by the open shirt, only to dart quickly away again, studying the bedside table with a fixed intensity it did not deserve. 

“Sorry,” said Dani. “I just - It's been a few days since we’d really spoken, and I wanted to check in.”

Jamie nodded. “Ah - yeah. I’m good. Are you -?”

“Yeah. I’m okay.” 

Another lengthy pause.

Dani gestured to the door behind her. “Hannah and Owen are very nice.” 

“They are, yeah. Good people. Trust ‘em with my life, and I don’t say that lightly.” Jamie tried to smile, to make light, but Dani had turned that wide-eyed fixed intensity upon her now. It was difficult not to squirm in place when Dani looked at her like that.

Dani took an abortive step forward, only to stop herself before she could venture too close. “Are we okay? It’s just - on Tython you seemed to want your own space, and I thought -” She paused to clear her throat, glancing briefly down at her feet. “Did I mess this up or -? I mean - I know I’m not the best option for anyone, and you deserve someone nice, someone who’s not completely messed up or possessed by an ancient Sith ghost or something. But I -” she paused to close her eyes and draw in a deep breath. “I really like you. And if you don’t want anything to do with me after this is all over, I would completely understand, but I -”

Jamie tried. She really did. But the next thing she knew, she had taken a step forward and pulled Dani in for a kiss. Dani made a small noise of surprise in the back of her throat that Jamie chased after, feeling her respond in kind, feeling the Force welling up beneath Dani’s skin like a hand reaching out in offering. 

“Do you think -” Jamie said, pulling away just enough to speak, “- that I did all this because I don’t like you?”

Dani gave a breathless little laugh, her hands cupping Jamie’s jaw then sliding to cradle the back of her head. “I thought you did it because you’re good and noble and you’re drawn to a lost cause.”

“Can be lots of things, can’t I?”

They were close enough that Jamie could feel the pull of Dani’s smile against her own lips, their noses brushing. 

“I know you like your life to be boring. So, I was thinking," said Dani, "how nice Corsin must be at this time of year. Just a getaway planet in the middle of nowhere. No Sith. No Jedi. That could be boring, couldn't it?"

Jamie swayed forward, eyes half lidded, and murmured, "Could be awfully boring."

Hannah and Owen be damned. The little voice in the back of her head telling her this was a bad idea be damned. Dani was kissing her again and every thought flew right out of her head until there was nothing but this. Nothing but today, this moment, the call of blood in her veins, life as it was and nothing else. 

There was not push towards the bed, no drive to action beyond this. Still Jamie paused, one hand remaining anchored at Dani’s waist.

“You can still go alone,” Jamie said, “if you want. Doesn’t have to be with me.”

Even as she said it, Jamie dreaded the answer. Knowing Dani’s predilection towards shrinking away from things that were too difficult to face alone. Knowing her own history of always being the odd one out, passed from place to place, from Corps to Corps, unfettered, unwanted. 

Dani’s hand tightened in her hair, holding her close. “Want it to be with you.”

Want this, Jamie thought as Dani kissed her again. Want this, too.

Removing Dani’s cloak and tossing it onto the floor beside the blaster pistol had never felt so easy. Kissing her, unhooking the lightsabre and setting it onto the table had never felt so easy. Unzipping Dani’s vest while Dani finished unbuttoning what Jamie had started had never felt so easy. Being with someone else had never felt so easy. 

Jamie’s shirt was discarded onto the ground beside the bed just as Jamie sank to her knees there. Dani’s hair was mussed, her mouth parted, her eyes fixed and unblinking as Jamie began to slowly drag down the zipper of her trousers. She toyed with the chain of Jamie’s dogtags, winding it around her fingers at the back of Jamie’s neck. 

When Jamie began to tug down the material, Dani sat on the edge of the mattress so her pants could be peeled off and placed aside. Jamie leaned forward and stroked her tongue along the soft skin of Dani’s inner thigh, feeling a hand grip her hair when she bit down gently, and making a low dark sound in the back of her throat. 

Already Dani was moving her hips in small motions and Jamie hadn’t even started yet. Jamie laughed softly.

“What?” Dani breathed.

Jamie shook her head, but the movement was restricted somewhat by the tight grip Dani had on her hair. “Nothing,” she murmured and bowed forward to place her open mouth against slick wet and wanting heat.

Wanting nothing but this. The spread of Dani’s legs on either side of Jamie’s head. The taste of her when Jamie swiped her tongue in long slow strokes. The sound of her name gasped in Dani’s voice. The ache between her own legs as Dani rocked her hips to the rhythm Jamie set with a barely restrained urgency. 

Where last time had been fast and hard, Jamie did the opposite now. She traced Dani with the tip of her tongue as if trying to map her to memory, finding the best reactions and storing them away for later, for a time again with her that may never come. One of Dani’s heels came up to press into the small of Jamie’s back, and Jamie could feel the way the muscle of Dani’s inner thigh trembled against the side of her face. The same way her fingers trembled as they combed back Jamie’s hair. 

Want this, Jamie thought as Dani’s groan ended on a broken noise, as Dani’s hips arched up to press more firmly against her mouth while Jamie offered only a gentle suction. Want her. Want us. 

Dani hauled Jamie up by the chain around her neck to kiss her deeply. The kiss was slick and messy and tasted of her, and when they parted Dani was panting. 

“Did I mention,” Dani said breathlessly, “that I really like you?”

Jamie laughed and allowed herself to be pulled up onto the bed. Smiling broadly, Dani kissed her and rolled her over to start unbuttoning Jamie’s dark-washed slacks. Before she could do more than flick open the first of two buttons, Jamie placed her hands and Dani’s hips and encouraged her to rock against her thigh.

“That’s -” Dani swallowed back a reckless sound, her eyes squeezing shut. “I’m going to ruin your nice slacks.”

“Fuck ‘em.”

Dani’s answering laugh was breathless. “Do you mean that literally, or -?”

The question died on her tongue when Jamie pressed her knee up and wedged a hand between them just enough that she could brush her thumb just so. She watched as Dani’s face screwed up, as her mouth dropped open and her hips bucked out of time until she came again — smaller this time, but no less gratifying.

Dani slowed to a halt, trying to catch her breath. “All right,” she said. “It’s definitely your turn.”

When they’d finished, Jamie sank bonelessly back onto the mattress. Their clothes were strewn all about the room, and the ship’s computer had set the lights to dim automatically to match a normalised sleep cycle, so that the ceiling was a map of constellations. Dani was stark naked and wiping her hands clean on a shirt with a self-satisfied expression before she crawled back up the bed and snuggled into Jamie’s side.

Jamie rolled onto her side and draped an arm across Dani’s waist to hold her loosely there. She needed to take a shower, but couldn’t find the energy within herself to get up. Not when recent sex had turned her bones to jelly, and not when Dani started to trace the curving lines of Jamie’s monochromatic tattoo. 

Exhaling slowly, Jamie sank further into the mattress. Her eyes slipped shut and she allowed herself this moment of brief respite. 

“Do you ever think,” Dani asked softly, “this was supposed to happen?” 

Blearily, Jamie opened her eyes, lulled half asleep by the way Dani was touching her. “What d’you mean?”

Dani shook her head, admiring the way her fingertips drifted across the pattern of ink on Jamie’s bare shoulder. “I don’t know. I just - When I chose the ship to Telos IV, it wasn’t the fastest or the cheapest or even the one leaving the soonest. I was still in shock, I think. From what had happened on Vurdon Ka. There was another transport leaving three hours earlier, heading towards the Outer Rim, but when the droid asked me what ticket I wanted I bought the one to Telos instead.” Her words slowed to a mumble, and her caress stopped. Dani stared at the flowers on Jamie’s skin as if in wonder. “I don’t know why I did that.”

“Coincidence?” Jamie offered, watching the flicker of Dani’s brow in response.

Dani seemed to be trying to remember something intently. “Maybe, but it was so strange. I had this - this feeling. And when I landed on Telos, you know, I -” She broke off with a small incredulous laugh. “I walked straight to that bar. Just - straight there. Didn’t even ask for directions.”

Jamie blinked, more awake now. That hum of energy had returned, threading between them like an arc. Dani’s presence was stalwart, nothing wavering or questioning about it. 

“I don’t know anything about the Force,” Dani continued, “but I’m glad to have met you.” 

A smile tugged at the corner of Jamie’s mouth. It was brief but the warmth pooling in her chest was verdant and budding. “Yeah. Me too.”

—

Rebecca’s ship dropped out of hyperspace only three kilometers from the luxury cruiser, so that the two vessels drifted in orbit around Alderaan side by side. The planet below was a vast curved horizon of blues and greens, struck through with white cloud. Sitting in the pilot’s seat, Jamie noticed how Dani’s gaze kept drifting towards the broad windows of the left wing, staring out at the planet below with her shoulders tense and her hands clasped behind her back. 

The moment Rebecca’s ship came into view, Owen leaned over Jamie’s shoulder and hit the comm button, requesting a transmission, which was immediately picked up.

“Hello again,” Owen greeted jovially down the line. “We see you’ve just arrived in orbit. And might I say - your ship is exactly what I expected from a smuggler.”

“Aww, thanks,” said Rebecca, her video feed flickering into view. “I worked hard to get it just right.”

Rebecca’s ship was a single bladed shape of stark grey material, like a shark’s fin parting the surface of water. Jamie knew from experience that its small size could mislead larger ships into underestimating its speed and firepower. She also knew from experience that the sleeping cots were cramped and uncomfortable, and that more often than not Rebecca slept in a hammock strung up in the cockpit itself. 

Jamie elbowed Owen in the gut so she could have more room. “Status report?”

Rebecca rolled her eyes. “What are you? Fleet Commander Taylor?”

“Just tell me how we’re getting down to the surface without being noticed,” Jamie said.

“Funny you should ask that,” Rebecca replied, trailing off.

Owen made a face. “Oh, no. Is it bad?” 

“Well…”

“Get it over with,” groaned Jamie. She could hear Hannah and Dani walking closer to join the conversation. “Put me out of my misery.”

Rebecca hit a few buttons to switch over the feed, and the screen suddenly displayed a scene much nearer to the surface. She must have hacked into a few security cameras, because the view turned slowly alongside her tapping away in the background. A towering estate in slate greys with parapets like speartips jutting into the sky dominated the screen, flanked by snowy mountains. A broad bridge led to the front entrance, and a hundred or so guardsmen had set up allacrete bollards behind which they were taking cover to avoid incoming fire, peeking over to return volleys before crouching down again.

“That’s,” Dani said slowly, pointing towards a crest-emblazoned purple and red banner hanging from the manor walls on the screen, “House Thul.” 

Jamie squeezed her eyes shut and tipped her head back towards the ceiling. “Don’t tell me.”

“They’re being besieged by the Sith Lord,” said Rebecca.

“I said don’t tell me.”

Hannah peered over Jamie’s shoulder to get a look at the screen. “Can you get us to the surface?” she asked.

“Yeah,” said Rebecca. “But after that, I’m all out of ideas. I told you: I’m not a Core World girl. I don’t know Alderaan from a bottle of spotchka.” 

“I do.” 

Jamie opened her eyes and lowered her head. Beside her Dani had lifted her hand slightly as though waiting to be called on in class. “There’s a side entrance used primarily by servants and staff.”

“What? A side entrance dug all the way through the mountains?” Owen pointed to the snowy peaks pressed in tight on either side of the estate. 

“No, it’s here.” Dani tapped her finger against the screen just off to the side of where the camera was currently showing. “It’s where the guards sleep. You go through a security checkpoint and then down a tunnel which leads into a room off the great hall.” 

“Don’t think the security checkpoint won’t be a problem this time,” said Jamie.

“Yeah,” said Rebecca slowly as a guardsman on screen was shot dead and slumped to the ground, only to be pulled back over the bollard by one of his comrades. “They look a little occupied right now.” 

Chatter fizzed from another speaker on the dashboard. Frowning, Rebecca sat in the pilot’s seat and turned a dial until the frequency better matched. They could hear a staticky voice shouting frantic orders over the comm.

“That’s a Pub frequency,” Rebecca said. 

“The Empire has revealed its hand,” Owen said. “The Republic will be arriving with reinforcements soon.”

“Yeah, but not soon enough,” Jamie muttered darkly. 

Hannah hummed in agreement. “Unfortunately, yes. A fully fledged Sith Lord? They can tear this estate apart and be out with what they want before Republic troops make it into orbit.” 

“Yeah, well, hopefully we can do the same.” 

From the sidelines, Dani suddenly spoke, “Can we talk about the children for a sec?” When she had everyone’s attention, she took a deep breath and continued, “What’s going to happen to them now that we know they’re Force Sensitive?” 

She looked towards Jamie, who raised both hands and shook her head, pointing towards Owen and Hannah. Hannah was looking at Owen, who shrugged and made a gesture, which Hannah reacted to with an emphatic tilt of her head, the two of them engaged in the kind of silent conversation only two people who had been together for so long knew. 

“Are you going to share with the class?” Jamie drawled. “Or are you two lovebirds just going to keep having your weird psychic talk that nobody else can hear?”

Hannah gave Jamie an arch, brook-no-nonsense glare, while Owen stuck out his tongue at her. 

“I think it best if we take them back to Tython,” said Hannah to Dani. “There they can be trained in the Force properly.”

Some of the tension held in Dani’s jaw slackened, and she breathed a sigh of relief. “Okay. Yeah. Thanks. I needed to hear that.” 

“Anything else we need to discuss before we leap into the fray?” Rebecca asked from the pilot’s seat. 

Silence. 

“Right,” said Jamie, hand on the holster of her blaster pistol. “Let’s get this over with, then.”

[blueluneacy]

Worthy of his Grace

Hey yall, this is a commission fic for the lovely @diobrandoatemykids! They’re super great!

Also on AO3!

Word Count: 5k words

Warnings: love bites, possessive behavior, fingering, self doubt, lovey sex, cute pet names

You sighed as you looked away from the mirror in your shared room. Part of you wanted to slam your fist into the damn thing, to smash it until you couldn’t even see your reflection in the shards. But no, that would cause worries and bleeding hands. The glass would cling to your hands and you would receive cuts you wouldn’t be able to hide from your lover, making it impossible for you to not let him know what was going on. While you doubted that Kars would ever say such a thing to you, you were certain that he deserved better. In a world where humans were slowly dwindling and Kars had become an almighty being incapable of death, it just shocked you to believe that he would even lay eyes on you. And yet, here you were, taken in by this god like being, to be loved and adored by him. You wondered if one day, he would become sick of you and discard you. You weren’t sure if you feared that, or felt as though you deserved it.

So, you did your best to sit up straight as Kars opened the door into your shared quarters, smiling as you saw him look at you lovingly, even though a pang in your chest told you that you didn’t deserve it. Fuck that pang.

“You’re back early. Did everything go alright?” You asked, looking over at your Lord and just basking in his presence. He was certainly nice to look at, you’ll give him that much. 

“Of course it did. Just a few straggling hamon users. Nothing I’m unable to handle now.” Kars replied, and god, there was just a hint of smugness in his words that made you quiver. Kars was extremely proud of his triumph, and he had made such clear at all times. You had heard that after his victory, he went on a rampage against his enemies, tearing each of them apart. But you weren’t sure if you could ever believe that though. After all, he was soft with you, so loving and gentle in a way that made you just swoon. And when Kars opened up his arms to you, you couldn’t help but jump up and let yourself be embraced by them, Kars’ skin cool but pleasant to the touch. You felt the way Kars relaxed once your skin was against him, feeling just the bit proud of yourself that you could at least offer such an ethereal being the slightest bit of comfort. Kars just smiled as he lifted you up into his arms and brought you to the bed you were once resting on, keen on relaxing with his darling. 

“And now, I get the joy of being right beside you. Soon, all these leftover fleas will be dealt with, and I’ll never be forced to leave your side…” Kars hummed before leaning in and pressing soft kisses against your neck. And you knew that you should be happy to hear that, that you should be grateful and honored that Kars would even consider spending that much time with you. That you should be honored that you’re considered his, loved and taken care of by him. And yet, you couldn’t help but feel that pang in your stomach, your body tensing up just the slightest bit before you forced yourself to relax. But, of course, Kars notices everything. He raised an eyebrow, pulling you just a bit closer. He knew that he had his temper to work on, certainly, so he took a deep breath to attempt to stop himself from losing his cool.

“Does that idea not please you, little one?” He asked, and you could tell he was doing his best to keep a growl from pouring forth. You gulped and quickly moved into fixing mode. You would never want your own self worth issues to ever be a reason you rejected Kars, of course not!

“Of course not, Kars! You know I love you, I want to be with you…” You replied, looking down at yourself and sighing. You told yourself you wouldn’t get Kars involved in your own issues, you really did. He didn’t deserve to be wrapped up in your own nonsense, and yet here you were. However, your words were enough to soften the almighty being, a hand moving to gently pet your hair. You gasped a bit as you felt his large hand, giggling a bit. Kars was just so large, it almost felt comical. As you laughed, Kars drank in the sound of your happiness. He could listen to that sweet melody over and over, taking in the sounds of your joy and feeling pride in knowing that he was the one who caused them. 

“Then what is it, my love? Have I been doing something wrong? Are you in need of something?” He asked, and there was just the slightest bit of disappointment in his voice that just made you feel so bad. You didn’t mean to hurt Kars, not in the slightest! God, it really did feel like everything was going wrong.

“No, it’s not you, really. You’re perfect, Kars, you already know that. I’m the one who’s… Not.” You admitted, refusing to look at your lover and instead letting your eyes glue themselves to the bedsheets. You sighed as you looked at the soft fabric, and vaguely wished that you could cocoon yourself into them and simply disappear from the world. However, Kars probably wouldn’t let you, not to mention you were sure it wasn’t possible. Probably.

“What do you mean, little one? You’re wonderful.” Kars told you, and you really just wanted to shrink away, to hide from his kind words, because in your mind you believed you didn’t deserve them. But Kars just held you tight, starting to get an inkling of what was going on in that pretty little head of yours. At least someone was aware.

“I… Are you sure? Are you sure that you wouldn’t prefer someone… Better?” You felt your eyes start to well up, and you just gulped, leaning your head back to try and blink the foul things back, to not show this side of you to someone so perfect like Kars. “I’m not particularly pretty, and it’s not like I’m offering you anything that’s unique… There’s plenty of people out there who deserve to be with you much more than I do, I just-” You felt the words begin to pour out of your mouth almost uncontrollably, barely even noticing how you could no longer contain the tears falling from your eyes until Kars finally cut you off.

“That’s enough.” Kars let go of you to look at you more clearly, but it honestly just made you feel like he was upset with you. Maybe you deserved it, you shouldn’t have saddled Kars with all of your personal emotional baggage, venting to him about things that really weren’t important to someone as powerful as him. He deserved better, needed better-

But still, Kars reached forward and gently cupped your cheek, watching as you still leaned into the touch.

“Do you really believe those things about yourself?” He asked gently. You looked away, refusing to look your lover in the eye, but still nodded. You could never lie to Kars, not that you ever wanted to. He just sighed, pulling you back into his embrace and holding you tightly. You were shocked to find how he actually buried his own face in your shoulder. You were tickled by the way his locks fell over you, leaving you to sniffle. “I’m so sorry, little one. I should’ve been there for you. Do not worry, I’ll make sure to show you how worthy you truly are.” He cooed, leaving you to gasp as he pulled up his face from your shoulder. You were about to argue, to tell him not to trouble himself, that you would be fine on your own, that he didn’t need to bother, but you didn’t have the time. Kars pressed his plush lips against yours, pressing you into a gentle kiss as he held you close, and god, you just melted into it. Kars was sweet, so gentle with you, it was truly wonderful to feel him up against you like this, for him to press his lips against yours as he lightly prodded you to open up your mouth for his tongue, bringing you with him into the throes of passion.

And Kars relished in your presence, in your radiance. To him, you were like the sun, ever present and now attainable, now his to adore and bask in its presence. You were his sanctuary, his place to relax and to enjoy, and in return, he wanted to give you everything he could, to have you beside him eternally. And if you couldn’t love yourself, well… Kars was going to make sure he loved you enough for the both of you, to make sure you knew exactly how precious you were to him. 

So he let his hands travel to your hips, moving to place you on your back on the lush bed, leaving you to gasp as you felt yourself sink just the slightest bit. Kars loved how you reacted to the slightest of things, how you seemed to find interest in what he never noticed. You brought new perspective, new wonder to what was once mundane. Even kissing you was something unique now, the way your skin against his lips as he pressed feather light kisses against your neck, the way he saw your chest rise and fall as he began to slip his fingers under your light clothing to run his fingertips against you. You were artistic, beautiful, passionate. You were alive in a way Kars never was, that he knew he would truly never be. In a way, he slightly envied you for that, even if his power was far greater, with his pros definitely outweighing any sort of con at this point. You had a vibrancy to you that just made Kars adore you, his love for you igniting his heart in a way that made him feel like a child. You were his, all his, and you were wonderful.

And yet, you tried to sit up. You didn’t want to let Kars do all the work, it simply felt unfair. After all, you were the one who had been here, sitting and waiting for him, while Kars went out and made the world safe for you. Kars had told you that he wished to bring you everywhere, for the two of you to explore the planet together once it was safe, but that his enemies still lurked near, all too eager to find a way to destroy him. Only fools search for what is impossible, but they still could be irksome. Especially when someone as fragile as you might get entangled into it. So you were kept away, safe and hidden while Kars worked away at making this planet a paradise for the both of you. It felt only fair that you at least let Kars relax when he wasn’t toiling for you, but when you tried to sit up, he simply pressed you down, hushing you.

“Please, dear, let me show you how much I love you. Relax just for tonight for me, won’t you? If I want you to do anything, I promise to let you know.” He told you. Tentatively, you relaxed, leaning your head against the feather pillows below you as Kars smiled, letting his hands slowly pull off your top as he drank in the view, humming as he let a hand run along your stomach before pressing a kiss on your collar. He slowly moved downward, making sure to lavish each part of you with love via gentle kisses, looking up occasionally to take in your cute face. You were just so embarrassed from all the love that Kars was showing you, you couldn’t help it! While his body was muscular and pulled taut, his lips were soft, letting you take in the wonders of them as he travelled ever lower. You felt the way his fingers hooked around your underwear and you gasped, causing Kars to lift up his head.

“May I?” He asked, and god, if looks could kill. While his voice sounded innocent, you could see the slightest hint of a smirk. Kars knew damn well what he was doing to you, and oh how he loved it. You were already putty in his hands, willing to jump and serve him, to do anything to make him happy. But right now, the thing that would make him most happy is him having the honor of pleasuring you, to take you in as you were and make you his. 

“Y-Yeah, I-I guess so…” Your response was shaky, your eyes darting away as to not meet his sinful eyes, knowing that the flames of lust had ignited in them. You didn’t want to admit it, but you too could feel heat start to coil in your belly from the way Kars was treating you, the way he was admiring you. He smiled with your response, pulling down your underwear and tossing it to the side without a care in the world, leaving you just to roll your eyes. Such showmanship. Still, you weren’t given much time to chuckle at the way Kars carried himself with the way his hands gently grasped your thighs pulling them apart. You just gawked at him with wide eyes, almost expecting him to pull some sort of trick. But he just smiled, seeing the fruits of his labors already coming to bloom.

“Eager, aren’t we?... You’re such a cute thing, already getting ready for me like this…” Kars teased, leaving you to look away and pout, your face starting to flush.

“I-It’s not my fault… Your face is too pretty. I’m banning it.” You replied a bit jokingly, hoping your humor would be enough to curb some of your own embarrassment. It only half worked. 

“Hmm… Well then, please do look at me through every moment of this, won’t you?” Kars replied. You were about to ask what he meant before a clawed finger began to prod at your entrance, leaving you to gasp. You immediately tried to squeeze your eyes shut, only for Kars to tut just a bit. You really were just so cute like that.

“Already, little one? Come now, I want you to see who exactly is making you feel so good.” He tutted, and you apprehensively tore open your eyes to see Kars’ red ones meet your own, smiling as he slipped a finger inside of you. 

“Theeere we go, my dear. That’s exactly it.” He chuckled, leaving you to turn red as he began to play with you, no doubtedly opening you up to take his cock. You watched as he opened you up, moving to press kisses along your stomach, humming as he took in the sounds of your soft moans. You did your best to try and relax, hoping to not jump the gun on this whole affair. You were Kars wasn’t very patient with these things, and you didn’t want any uh… Mishaps when he entered you. 

“K-Kars…” You mumbled out, your hand inching down to run your fingers through his hair. It was always a surprise how soft his hair was, the silky quality rivaling most fine fabrics, in your humblest opinion. You were, however, just the slightest bit biased. You smiled just a bit as you heard Kars let out a slight purr as your nails scratched lightly against his scalp. Kars loved to feel as though he was above such things as feeling good from something so simple, but you enjoyed bringing him back down to earth, just a little. You gasped when you felt just the slightest bit of teeth on your stomach, staring at your lover entirely doe-eyed. He just smirked, drinking in your surprised expression.

“What is it? Did you think you were immune to my teeth, to my harsher touches?” Kars teased, leaving you just to look away as you slowly massaged his scalp.

“I don’t want anything bitter tonight. Please, just be tender with me…” You mumbled. Kars eyes widened as you spoke out those words, and before you could even realize it, he had pressed another finger inside of you, moving up to leave kisses against your neck.

“Alright, little one, I’ll accept that. But can’t I at least leave my mark on you? I want everyone to know who you belong to…” Kars growled. You whimpered and tilted your neck just a slightest bit, hoping to give the Pillarman eager access. It was a strange exhilaration, to have Kars nip and bruise a place as delicate as your neck. To know that his fangs could easily tear you apart if he so wished, perhaps, made you feel more alive, the sensations going through you even more amplified, even though you were certain he would never do such a thing. 

“Alright, but just a little… I mean, everyone already knows I’m yours anyway…” You felt a bit of your own zest come back to you, your own teasing and cooing words able to be spoken despite your precarious position. While Kars was always on top, with very few exceptions, he enjoyed being with someone who could bite back just a little, offering up a witty word or two, while still remaining loyal and submissive to him. Kars just hummed, letting his kisses become harsher as he so pleased, his teeth scraping against your tender skin and worrying it red. At one point, you felt embarrassed about the marks Kars loved to leave on you, even attempting to cover them up. But those actions made Kars only resolve to leave more all over you, to make them harder to cover, until you eventually just gave up on the whole affair. After all, it wasn’t like anyone dared to judge you for it. Everyone knew what was going on.

So you let Kars have his way with your body, the pleasure going through you simply from his fingers enough to make your toes curl. When the pads of his fingers pressed up against your sweet spot, you moaned, throwing your head back as you bucked your hips against Kars to try and gain more of that feeling. There was a time where you might have been much more embarrassed by the way you reacted, but there wasn’t enough time for that now. You hear Kars growl into your ear, his fingers slowing down to carefully find the spot he had just touched. When he heard you whimper as he brushed against it, he just hummed, pausing for a moment before beginning to attack the spot incessantly. You couldn’t help but groan in pleasure, throwing your arms over your lover’s shoulders to try and find some sort of grounding. 

“Listen to the cute sounds you’re making, little one… I can feel the way you’re squeezing on my fingers, the way you’re pulling me in. You really are precious…” His voice was light in your ear as you felt his hair brush over your chest, leaving you to just gasp as you felt yourself starting to near your finish.

“K-Kars, please, fuck, need you, I’m so close, feels good, fuck, please!” You couldn’t help but just babble out your own begging words, your body anxious for release as Kars brought you closer and closer to bliss. You let your nails dig into his perfect skin, knowing that it wouldn’t matter anyway, and that you couldn’t leave any marks on Kars by the time you were done. The way his body healed left you unable to mark him up in the same way Kars often marked you. It pissed you off just a little bit, but you were able to get over it. 

“Are you now? Do you want to cum on my fingers, love?” His words were just slightly teasing in a way that made you ache all the more for him, so you couldn’t help but nod, trying to pull Kars impossibly closer. He did his best to curb the rumble he wanted to let out as he felt your hands on him, instead nipping at your neck and lapping at the small amount of blood that came from his efforts. He always did relish in your blood, finding the quality of it to be so refined, so much better than anything he could ever have imagined. You were so perfect, and yet you weren’t even trying. You didn’t know about your perfection, and even if you did, you were humbled by it. You were a counter to Kars’ own pride, his own hubris, and yet you were still able to entice him so. 

“Then cum for me, little one. We need to see that you’re nice and prepared to take me.” He told you, and Kars’ words broke down the dam that was holding you together, leaving you to let out a loud moan as you let yourself grab onto Kars freely, holding onto him as your body shuddered with waves of pleasure washing over you. Kars easily worked you through your orgasm, watching with delight as your expression became just a bit dazed, your chest quickly rising and falling with your short breath, your body still squeezing around his fingers as if to pull him in ever closer. When he finally pulled out his fingers, you whined just the slightest bit, letting your head rest on the pillows. You had to regain yourself just a bit, rest for a moment before you got back at it. Kars just hummed as he looked at you, and you could tell by the smug grin on his face that he was damn pleased with himself at the mess he made of you. You saw the way his cock was straining in his loincloth and you couldn’t help but reach forward, trying to help pull it off.

“Already back at it, aren’t we?” Kars teased, leaving you to blush as you clumsily pulled at the cloth.

“You’ve already helped me so much… I don’t want to just sit back and do nothing…” You mumbled, only for Kars to move his hands over your own and help you pull off the cloth, finally revealing himself to you. Although you had seen it many times before, Kar’s cock was still a magnificent sight to behold. It was larger than anything you had ever seen, with just the right curve. You had always taken into account the veins on the thing, gulping at the sight. While that sort of thing wasn’t necessarily pretty, it did look good on Kars. 

“Admiring the view, little one?” He teased, leaving you just to pout as you tore your eyes away from him. 

“Maybe. I don’t think that you mind too much though.” You replied, leaning forward to crawl on top of your lover, only for him to press his hand against your chest, just pushing you gently back down into the soft bed below you.

“Don’t worry, my dear. Let me take care of you. I want to show you how much I adore you, I want to show how much you belong to me…” You could hear his voice lower at the end of that sentence, causing you just to shudder. God, Kars really did know how to keep you submissive. Even though you wanted to argue, to tell Kars that he had worked hard enough for you and it was your turn to repay him, you spread your legs wider, looking up at him lovingly. Kars hummed as he grabbed your hips, angling them up before grabbing one of the many pillows that adorned your shared bed, moving it under your hips to hold you up. He smiled as you like out a whine once his cock rubbed up against your entrance, happy to hear you needed him so badly.

“Now now, you know you need to tell me what you want, little one. I can’t just read your mind.” Kars purred. You just gulped before opening up your mouth. Usually, you would draw out this little sequence more, but you already just wanted him so badly, wanted to feel Kars and make him feel as good as he just made you.

“K-Kars… Please, fuck me… I want you so badly…” You told him, and that was all he needed to start slowly pressing into you, letting out the slightest of groans as he listened to the music of your own mewling. He could already feel you squeezing down on him, your body trying to bring him ever closer as you did your best to just and adjust to Kars’ size. No matter how well prepared you were, there was always a slight sting when he entered you, just proving how massive he really was.

“So tight, little one… I can feel your body squeezing down on me so needily… Do you really want me that badly? Want me to show you who you belong to, who loves you more than anything?” Kars growled, and you could tell by the tone of his voice that he wasn’t going to be able to hold back much longer. His claw-like nails were starting to dig into your hips, leaving you just to gasp and moan, nodding eagerly. You were more than ready for whatever Kars had in store.

“Y-Yes, please, Kars, I love you too, love you so much!” Your voice was quite reedy at this point, but it was still one of the best things Kars had ever heard. He pulled back slowly, pulling his cock out of you until just the tip remained inside, before pushing back in slowly, taking a slow but passionate pace with you. You moaned as Kars cock dragged against the best spots inside of you, pressing up inside of you so deeply that when you looked down, you could see your stomach bulging. You slowly moved your hand down to feel over the bump, moaning a bit as Kars just licked his lips at the sight, relishing in the sight of you so in awe of his obvious prowess. Of course you should be in awe of him. It was only natural.

“You’re so pretty like this, little one. Does it feel good? Heavens, you fit me like a glove…” Kars words in your ear seemed to float in your brain for a moment before truly settling. It was like you could barely put together a real thought as you felt Kars gently fuck into you, any sense or reason you had completely gone. 

“Y-Yessss… Feels so good, Kars, please…” You mewled out, letting yourself pull Kars closer as he moved back to pressing kisses on your face and neck. He tried to be gentle, but occasionally he couldn’t help himself and nipped, secretly relishing in the surprised yelp you always let out when he did.

“I love you, you know. I love you more than anything.” Kars told you, and you could feel his thrusts start to speed up just the tiniest bit. You grabbed onto your lover, adjusting slightly so that you could wrap your legs around him and bring Kars ever closer. The look Kars gave you could only be described as utter adoration, complete worship of your self not only as a person, but an entity, something he could cherish for eternity, even when the eventual loss of everything happened at the end of the universe. You were real, you were you, and you were beautiful.

“Love you too, Kars. I love you so much, I want to be with you forever…” You mumbled out. While it was hard for you to put together a real thought at this point, the words that you did give were genuine. You truly couldn’t imagine a life without Kars, nor could he ever go back to one without you. You were interlinked through your love. Perhaps this is what people meant when they described the concept of soulmates. You supposed you would never truly know. 

Still, the two of you felt yourselves nearing orgasm. Though no words were said, you could easily tell Kars was through his rougher, less steady thrusts and the way his nails were digging into your hips enough to draw blood.

“God, want to fill you up, little one. Want you to be all mine, want to, want you…” Kars growled, leaving you just to rapidly nod as you leaned in, attempting to clumsily press your own kisses against your lover.

“Y-Yes, please, Kars, all yours, already yours, please, I love you, I love you so much!” You whined, Kars eventually catching your lips and pulling you into an intense kiss as he bottomed out inside of you, brushing harshly against your sweet spot to finally bring you over the edge. You moaned as your body clamped down on Kars, your squeezing enough to bring Kars over the edge, swallowing up his sounds as your tongue interlocked with his. You felt the warm heat inside of you, moaning as you realized that Kars was easily cumming enough to cause your stomach to distend. Kars just held inside you, relishing in the kiss as his cock began to soften inside, before finally pulling out. You almost immediately let yourself collapse on the bed, Kars happily falling down with you and greedily pulling you into his arms. 

“Love… You…” You mumbled, already letting yourself bury your face into your lover’s chest. You felt rapidly cooling cum begin to spill out of you, and god did you cringe. That was going to be a bitch to clean. Problems for the future you. For now, you let Kars just pull you into his embrace, to hold you tight as he let a hand run through his hair.

“I love you too, little one. Know that I will always protect you. That you will always be worthy of being in my embrace like this..” He told you, watching as you began to drift off in his arms. He smiled at the knowledge that you were his, that you really were here, and that nothing could take you away. There was nothing left to stand in his way to build a paradise with his darling, in a world that he could finally control.

And he closed his eyes, Kars basked in both the heat of the sunrise peering through the curtains, and of the person he cared about most resting in his arms.

[clumsyclifford]

hi i have some continued thoughts about the gif set i made earlier but i’m just thinking about like baby boys writing nothing personal and jack just like feeling really down on himself one day bc he doesn’t know what he’s contributing and alex tells him he named this song for him bc he is so important i don’t know there are so many THOUGHTS TO BE HAD why are they like this

hi paige i don’t know if this was supposed to be a prompt but i took it as one because i’m me hope that’s okay <3 (also here is the gifset in question, warning for max damage)

read it here on ao3

-

“Hey, where’d Jack go?”

Flyzik looks up from his laptop and glances around the control room. “I dunno,” he says. “I thought he was here.”

“I leave for two minutes,” Alex says, sighing exasperatedly. “We need to put a bell on that kid.”

“Believe me, if I could, I would,” says Flyzik, returning to the all-important task of probably talking shit on Twitter or whatever he does when he’s taking up studio space. 

Squire, whose playing had been arrested upon Alex’s re-entry, starts the guitar line from the top. The unfinished track fills the small room. Alex considers handcuffing him just so he’ll stop playing that one fucking guitar part.

At this rate, he’ll be sick of the song before it’s even released.

“I’m going to find Jack,” he announces, not that anyone cares. In a halfway attempt at defiance, or being annoying, or whatever, he snatches Flyzik’s coffee mug off the table.

“Hey,” Flyzik says half-heartedly without looking up. “Give that back.”

“You’re fired,” Alex informs him.

“Joke’s on you, I quit this morning,” says Flyzik.

Alex rolls his eyes and leaves the control room.

There’s really only one place Jack is likely to be (okay, two places, but Alex has just come from the bathroom and he’d been the only one in there). Alex heads for the lounge. The TV is on, playing a commercial for mattresses. Occupying the entire length of the couch:

“Jack,” Alex says. “Where’d you go, man, I thought we were working on the song.”

Jack makes no indication that he's heard Alex at all.

“Dude,” Alex says, coming into the room and facing Jack. The way Jack is slumped into the cushions, it looks like he’s been lying here all day, not for two minutes. “Were you just waiting for me to go to the bathroom so you could bail?”

Jack shoots him a glare, but again says nothing. Alex frowns.

“Are you good?” he asks, sinking to the floor with his legs crossed. He sets Flyzik’s coffee on the table at his side. “Is something wrong?”

Jack groans. “Can you leave me alone?”

“Hey,” Alex says, hurt. “What —” He breaks off. Obviously Jack doesn’t want company — or at least not Alex’s company, which stings — and if Alex doesn’t want to be a dick, he should leave. 

Except Jack is already kind of being a dick. So.

“Dude,” Alex says again. Jack keeps his eyes on the TV over Alex’s head. “Can you at least look at me?”

“I’m just taking a break, what’s the big deal?” Jack mutters.

“The big deal is you were fine five minutes ago when we were tracking the guitar,” Alex says irritably. “I leave for two seconds and when I come back you’re gone? ‘Taking a break’?”

“Yes, Alex, I came to jerk off in peace,” Jack snaps. “So can you piss off?”

Alex huffs. “Stop being an asshole when I’m just trying to understand what’s wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong, dude!” Jack finally looks at him, though it’s clear he would rather not be. “You don’t need me to finish the song, okay? You have Squire to do the guitar, and if he can’t do it then you will, so I’m just gonna sit this one out, alright?”

Alex stares at him. “The fuck do you mean, we don’t need you to finish the song? You need to learn it. And Squire’s just doing the demo track anyway. Meaning technically he doesn’t need me for it, either.”

“Alex, you wrote the fucking song.” Jack crosses his arms. “It wouldn’t exist without you. Unlike me.”

“You…would exist without me?”

Jack glares at him, again. “No, the song would still exist without me. And it would have a guitar part, without me. I know my role in the band, Alex, I’m not getting any ideas, okay? I’m the one who makes inappropriate jokes on Twitter and collects bras during shows. I don’t contribute in the studio.”

The gears in Alex’s brain grind loudly to a halt. “You don’t — what? What?”

Jack draws his knees up to his chest and looks back up at the TV. “Am I wrong?”

“Uh, yes?!” Alex says emphatically. “Extremely wrong, what the fuck? Since when is this a thing? You really feel this way?”

“Oh my God, it’s not a big deal,” Jack grumbles. 

“It’s a big deal to me,” Alex retorts. “You think you don’t contribute when we’re in the studio? You’re, like, the reason most of these songs get made. If you weren’t here we’d still be on our first record.”

“You don’t need to therapy me,” Jack says dully. “I’m fine with it.” 

Which is obviously not true. Jack’s shuttered expression and bitchy attitude don’t exactly communicate ‘fine.’

“I’m not trying to ‘therapy’ you,” Alex says, making air quotes. “Whatever the fuck that means. I’m trying to tell you something you should already know.”

Jack sighs wearily. Somehow he seems to sink deeper into the couch, like whatever’s weighing him down is only getting heavier. “Alex, it’s fine.”

“Stop saying it’s fine,” Alex says sharply. “It’s not fine. Did someone say something when I left? Is that why the mood whiplash?” There’s no way. Squire would never, and Flyzik hadn’t even been on the same planet. Not that Flyzik ever would, either, but then again, they make a lot of fucking jokes around here. Sometimes the kind of joke that hits a little too close to home. Call it an occupational hazard of living and working with a bunch of guys in their early twenties; none of them really know when to stop.

It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt. 

Jack’s gaze flits between Alex and the TV, which has really been playing commercials for far too long. He seems to realize he’s not going to escape this conversation, and with an almighty sigh grabs the remote and hits mute.

“No one said anything, okay?” There’s a pause. Alex waits patiently while Jack gathers his thoughts. “It was just that, like, you were there, and we were joking around, and then you left, and like…Squire kept playing the part, Flyzik was still on fucking MySpace or whatever, and, like, I don’t know. It just felt like if I left it wouldn’t matter, so I did.” He barks a humorless laugh. “And I was right. It didn’t matter.”

“It mattered to me,” Alex says. “I came back and you had abandoned me with Squire and Flyzik. You think I want to be stuck with them?” 

One corner of Jack’s mouth pulls up, barely, then drops down again. “I’m fine,” he says a third time. “You can go back and finish tracking the lead. Just call me when you need me for something.”

Alex considers this. “You know, I could use a break, while I’m here.” He takes a sip of Flyzik’s coffee, which is absolutely disgusting and also room temperature at this point. Jack frowns at him.

“You’re in the middle of demo-ing a song,” he says flatly. “‘Best Friend Knows,’ right?”

“Well, as you so eloquently pointed out, Squire can track the guitar,” Alex says. “And in fact is tracking the guitar. And has been for half an hour. He doesn’t need me for it, either.”

“But that’s not the fucking same and you know it. You wrote the song.”

“Yeah, so what? It’s not that great of a song. Anyone could have written it. I bet Andrew has fifty better songs in his back pocket.”

“But Andrew isn’t in the band,” Jack says. “The whole point is they’re your lyrics that you write for your band.”

“And you play the guitar,” Alex counters, raising his eyebrows at Jack. “Yeah, there are a billion songwriters and guitarists in the world. Anyone can play guitar, but there’s only one All Time Low guitarist, and it’s you. You’re our guy, Jack. You brought the band together, you keep it together, and you keep us moving forward. So what if you’re not writing lyrics? There’s way more to being in a band than writing the fucking lyrics. I promise you, man, without you we’d still be playing the fucking Dulaney Talent Show. We’d be fucking nowhere. We definitely wouldn’t be in L.A. recording our second full-length studio album.”

Silence falls as Alex’s words hang in the air. They’re both quiet for a moment. The Red Bull fridge buzzes in the background, and even more faintly comes the sound of Squire relentlessly playing the same lead part for what has to be the millionth time. 

“If you say so,” Jack finally says, although he doesn’t really seem to believe it. 

“I do,” Alex says firmly. Jack is the heart of the band more than anyone else, the beating pulse that keeps them alive no matter what shit gets thrown their way. When they were traveling from venue to venue in a shitty van, Jack was the one who kept spirits high. In their earliest days, Jack had held them together like glue, as if he could tell that something really special would happen as long as he didn’t let them go.

And he’d been right. There’s no All Time Low without Jack. That’s always been obvious to Alex.

“I think it’s an awesome song,” Jack quietly adds, as an afterthought. “No one else could’ve written it, so take that shit back.”

“Mediocre at best,” Alex says. “But there’s still time to make it better.”

“I like it,” Jack insists. “It’s cool. You’re a good songwriter.”

Alex waves a hand. “All the good lines are from Squire.”

“Well, I don’t know any of the words,” Jack says, a hint of his usual dry humor making a comeback. “But I bet that’s not true. All the best lines always come from you.”

“They’re meh. There’s not even a good line for a title. ‘What Your Best Friend Knows’ is just the most repeated line, but like, I don’t know. It’s boring.”

“So just call it something else,” Jack says. “The title doesn’t have to come from the song. You might have heard of a little album called From Under The Cork Tree? It’s by this super underground band, I’m not sure if you’ve heard of them.”

Alex laughs a little. “Yeah, okay. I guess.”

Another pause fills the room. Finally Jack says, “If you want to hang out, you can, but stop trying to therapy me.”

“I’m not trying to therapy you! It’s called being your friend, you dumbass.”

“Well, cut it out,” Jack deadpans. There’s the Jack Alex knows. 

Alex smiles at him, even though he knows it makes him look very sincere, more sincere than Jack probably wants from him. “You made your band bed,” he says. “Now you have to lie in it.” He half-stands and clambers onto the couch, and Jack stretches his legs over Alex’s lap. “What are we watching?”

“I don’t know,” Jack says, reaching for the remote. “It’s been commercials since I got here.”

“Jesus Christ, don’t these people have anything better to do than advertise all day every day?” Jack unmutes the TV. An episode of a show neither of them know is playing. Alex rolls his eyes. “Which channel is playing Lost reruns, do you think?”

“Only one way to find out,” Jack says, raising the remote like a wand. “Hope you brought a board ‘cause it’s time for some channel surfing.”

“Oh my God, you’re so lame.”

Jack snickers. “Maybe there’ll be a line you can use for the song title. Like a ‘Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner’-type thing.”

“In Lost?” Alex says skeptically. 

“Maybe, you don’t know.”

Alex highly doubts Lost will have any cool one-liners that could double as song titles, but it’s not a bad idea, pulling an iconic movie quote the way Fall Out Boy did on Cork Tree. The gimmick isn’t really the All Time Low style, but there’s a first time for everything.

Besides, Alex thinks, glancing over at Jack, whose attention is trained on the TV, I think I know the perfect movie.

—

“What?”

They’re back in the studio the following day. After yesterday’s minor emotional hurdle, Jack seems to be doing much better. Right now his eyes are wide in surprise as he stares at Alex.

“‘Keep The Change’ —”

“I know the quote,” Jack interrupts, a smile stretching over his face. “That’s the name? Of the song?”

Alex grins. “Has a cool ring to it, don’t you think?”

“Are you fucking kidding me? This is the best day of my life,” Jack enthuses, beaming. 

Alex shrugs. “Well, someone gave me the great idea to use a movie quote for a title. This felt fair.”

“Alex, I literally love you so much, you don’t even know,” Jack says. “Just for this, I’m giving you my firstborn.”

“If you ever have children, God save us all,” Flyzik says dryly from the far side of the room. He’s not wrong, but Jack doesn’t even act offended, still caught up in the excitement of the song title. 

“Hey,” Alex says in a low voice, kicking lightly at Jack’s leg. “For the record, I’d never in a million years have thought to use a movie quote title.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Jack says.

Alex gives him a meaningful look. “That’s my point, man. Next time you think you’re not contributing, just remember this, alright?”

The shadow of realization passes over Jack’s face, and he shakes his head incredulously. “You are such a piece of shit,” he says, although he doesn’t seem upset. “This was just to make a point?”

“I didn’t do it to make a point,” Alex says. “I did it because it was a good idea. But it does make a point, because you thought you weren’t contributing in the studio, and this is proof that you are.”

Jack sighs. “Point taken.” A little bit of humility colors his expression. “Thanks.”

Alex gives him a cheeky smile. “You are welcome,” he says airily, and throws an arm over Jack’s shoulders. “And now I think we both have some guitar parts to learn, am I right?”

“Yup,” says Squire, as if he’d just been waiting for his cue. “Jack, you wanna track this?”

Jack glances over at Alex, who grins. “Yeah,” he says, stepping forward and taking the guitar out of Squire’s hands. “I’d love to.”

[kinetic-elaboration]

A Documentary History of the U.S.S.S. Arkadia

A Ravenbell New Year Year Fanfiction Exchange Gift ( @ravenbell-exchange​) for @justbecauseyoubelievesomething​

Bellamy/Raven, ~1.6k words, Rated T

[image description: 3x3 moodboard showing Raven, a closeup of a spaceship, and Bellamy on the top row; closeups of round white objects that look like planets, a neon Epcot scene, and a desert on the second row; and a desert, a closeup of a roundish robot, and a variety of neon planets on a black background on the third row.]

Prompt: sci-fi/space au where Bellamy and Raven are (fr)enemies-to-lovers serving on the same ship, with bonus for time travel/time loop adventures.

Fic below or READ ON AO3.

***

Recently declassified Earth Space Probe Agency file for the United States Star Ship Arkadia:

Originally commissioned: 2570

Decommissioned: 2580

Recommissioned: 2588

Crew (2588):

           Captain Nathan Miller

           First Officer Anya Woods

           Chief Engineer Raven Reyes

           Pilot Octavia Blake

           Ship’s Doctor Clarke Griffin

           Chief Anthropologist Bellamy Blake

           Computer system and A.I. unit engineered by Monty Green

           Additional crew: see page 18

Mission parameters: To conduct further research on 6 planets recently identified as showing signs of habitability. To conduct scientific research with the goal of proving or disproving the existence of previous alien life. If warranted, to conduct further anthropological research with the ultimate goal of reconstructing said alien societies.

Mission duration: 3 years

*

Excerpts from Signs of Life: A Documentary Exploration of the Strange Second Life of the U.S.S.S. Arkadia (dir. Madi Griffin, 2608):

Monty Green (A.I. Specialist, U.S.S.S. Arkadia): Oh, we were always breaking down. That ship was dug out of the junk pile for that mission—which shows you just how important anyone, even ESPA, thought it was at the time. The only thing we really had going for us was the A.I., and I’m not just saying that because I designed it. At least it was new. Raven was holding the physical ship together with duct tape and glue, and we were lucky if we could sustain warp speed, more often than not. I don’t think there was a single member of the crew who didn’t think, at least once, ‘we’re going to get stranded on one of these God-forsaken planets someday.’

Most of us were basically done by the end of the first six months. I mean, we were tired. We felt like we’d been pulled out of the junk pile too, in a way. If ESPA really valued us, wouldn’t we have been doing anything else? But I will say, Bellamy was devoted from start to finish. He really believed.

And I’m not sure she would have admitted it, but I think Raven really did, too.

John Murphy (Prisoner #4862, Polis Federal Penitentiary, Maryland):

[long silence]

What do you want me to say? I was a pirate? Damn right I was. Looking for f---ing treasure in the last great unknown.

I was also a hero.

Who do you think sold them that key?

*

Chief Engineer Reyes’s Log (found on Planet Alpha 3, 6/15/2589) (heavily distorted): Six—eighteen—twenty-five-eighty-nine. Have traveled down the mountain, still dealing with treacherous pathways following that freak rainstorm. Still maybe one day’s travel from the shuttle drop off point. I already know it won’t be there. Attempts to contact the ship remain futile. It’s not that they’re not answering, it’s that [inaudible]. Even Bellamy agrees with me by now. That stubborn [inaudible]. We’re alone. Stranded. And, excuse the language, whoever finds this—fucked.

*

Partial Inventory of Photographs from the Air and Space Museum Exhibition on the U.S.S.S. Arkadia:

Senior officers photographed on the day before launch. From left to right, back row: B. Blake, Reyes, Miller, Woods. From left to right, front row: Griffin, O. Blake.

Christmas Party, 2588, candids captured by ship’s computer: First Officer Griffin making disgusted face at lopsided gingerbread cake from ship’s food processors; Officers B. Blake and Reyes, caught beneath mistletoe, kissing awkwardly; Captain Miller and Officer O. Blake laughing raucously; Officer B. Blake, scowling, looking off camera, while Officer Green talks.

Officer Blake’s official photographs of Planet Alpha 3: red granite mountains against a crystalline blue sky; a torrential rainstorm, as seen from the mouth of a cave; close-ups of paved streets, recently uncovered, still strewn with dirt; close-ups of a variety of artifacts, seemingly electronic in nature; several shots of a red granite stone with a shallow square cut out of its center, and deep markings cut in the back.

Senior officers photographed on the day of the Arkadia’s return. From left to right: Griffin, Miller, Woods, Green, O. Blake.

*

Personal log of Chief Anthropologist Bellamy Blake: Twelve-one-twenty-five-eighty-eight. Journey to next planet delayed. Again. I have plenty to do, just sorting and organizing all of the artifacts we photographed and data we collected at Alpha Two, but, I admit, I am irritated. Even Miller seems fine with our snail’s pace. Griffin seems most concerned we won’t make it home at all. And the other anthropologists treat this whole assignment like they’re doing time in a penal colony. Am I a fool for thinking this is the most amazing and important work I’ve ever done?

Reyes thinks the whole thing is depressing. She calls the artifacts from Alpha Two ‘proof of dead aliens.’ Of course this is the same woman who treats the Arkadia as if it were alive. She’s certifiable.

At least she’s passionate, though.

*

Octavia Blake (Pilot, U.S.S.S. Arkadia, interviewed for Signs of Life, 2608): Yeah, they hated each other. Used to fight about just about everything. Really annoying. We used to joke—used to joke—it’s actually kind of funny—because they were so—[mimics explosion]—together, but if they actually agreed on anything, not even Miller could override them—we used to joke they were the most fearsome duo in our corner of the universe.

They hated that. Being called a duo.

But actually, you know. I knew my brother really well. I think he… you know, he respected her. He had respect for her. So I think it was probably all right that they… got stranded out there together. Or whatever happened to them.

*

ARKADIAForum Post; May 1, 2600

RE: ***That*** Pic

Yes, I know. It’s been talked about to death. But since Santiago’s article came out attempting to debunk the whole thing, I just had to look at it again.

First, I agree that it’s been doctored. But in my opinion, it’s been blurred. There’s no reason those two figures in the back should be so much harder to identify than anyone else. I mean it’s a big group shot! But we still know who everyone is, we can identify the President, ALL the Senators, ALL the Congressmen, ALL the other random people, but not these two???

Not to go over the same ground we ALL know but look again at the photo from the day before the Arkadia’s launch, and the photo from the bill signing event. You can see the shape of their faces is exactly the same, and you can almost see Blake’s freckles in the second photo, too.

Also want to give a shoutout to mechastation88 for digging up these two official portraits of Blake and Reyes from their early ESPA days. The similarities are, I think, pretty undeniable.

*

Nathan Miller (Captain, U.S.S.S. Arkadia, interviewed for Signs of Life, 2608): Oh, sure, there are conspiracy theories out there. There are always going to be conspiracy theories. I get out a kick out of them, honestly.

(Interviewer, off-screen: Have you seen the infamous photograph?)

Miller: The one of President Clinton signing the bill that created ESPA? Of course I have.

(Interviewer: And do you have any comment on that?)

Miller: …Come on, Madi. You know I can’t answer that.

*

John Murphy (interviewed for Signs of Life, 2608):

(Interviewer, off-screen: So you believe—)

Murphy: That we’re in space at all because of them? Yes.

(Interviewer: You seem awfully confident—)

Murphy: That’s because I am. Never been more sure of anything in my life. You’d be too, if you saw that freaky rock and met those two—explorers, sons of b-----, whatever you want to call them.

*

From the personal files of Senator Marcus Kane (1945 – 2029) (to be donated to the University of Connecticut 50 years after his death):

Memo 8/5/1995: Coming up on the 5-year anniversary of the dismantling of NASA, and the dream of a replacement agency appears already dead. Post-Cold-War society will be a more dull, less informed, less curious—perhaps more dangerous?—place.

Some minor excitement: agenda disrupted due to unexpected interruption from two protestors, who made their way into Congressional offices after sneaking in with an authorized tour. Meeting with Wallace rescheduled for next Wednesday.

Meeting with protestors (or whoever they actually are) scheduled for Tuesday.

*

Classified ESPA File #6268Z:

High-resolution photograph of the signing of S198, the bill officially authorizing the creation of ESPA, into law on September 1, 1995.

Attached: official photographs of Lt. Cmdr. Bellamy Blake and Lt. Cmdr. Raven Reyes, 2588.

*

Encyclopedia Entry on Bellamy Blake: B. 2553. Disappeared 2589. Married to Gina Martin from 2579-2582. PhD in Anthropology, Columbia University, 2581. Joined the Earth Space Probe Agency in 2583; highest rank attained: Lieutenant Commander. Member of the U.S.S.S. Arkadia’s mission to investigate potential alien life on 6 unnamed planets (known as Alpha 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6) from 2588 until his disappearance in 2589.

Encyclopedia Entry on Raven Reyes: B. 2555. Disappeared 2589. PhD in Engineering, Massachusetts Institute of Technology, 2582. Joined the Earth Space Probe Agency in 2582; highest rank attained: Lieutenant Commander. Member of the U.S.S.S. Arkadia’s mission to investigate potential alien life on 6 unnamed planets (known as Alpha 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6) from 2588 until her disappearance in 2589.

*

Excerpt from the obituary column, Alexandria Times, August 2, 2049:

Bradley Blake, 90, of Alexandria, passed away on Thursday, July 9, in his home, after a short illness. Bellamy worked at the National Air and Space Museum in Washington, D.C., from 1995 until his retirement in 2029. He is survived by his wife of 53 years, Ramona Reyes. Funeral services will be held on Saturday, August 7.

*

Clarke Griffin (Chief Medical Officer, U.S.S.S. Arkadia, interviewed for Signs of Life, 2608): No, I don’t know. I’m not going to speculate about what happened. I’ll tell you this: I knew them both, better than almost anyone. And they’re survivors.

They’re survivors. They survived.

[mx-time-bunny]

A Christmas themed modern AU featuring Obi-Wan Kenobi (The Phantom Menace Obi-Wan). I wrote this as a gift fic for an online friend. But I thought I’d share here for others to enjoy. I had fun with this one. It’s just ridiculous smut and not to be taken seriously.

[braincoins]

Last they knew, Shiro and Allura were fighting the Galra. Suddenly they're on a strange ship with strange aliens who have... a very strange request for them. They're both stubborn enough not to give in... aren't they?

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender

Rating: Explicit

Ships: Shallura Tags: Aliens Made Them Do It, (sort of), Graphic Violence only in nightmares, Non-con in nightmares, Major Character Death in nightmares, nothing's THAT bad in the reality of the fic I promise!!, but I didn't really pull punches with the nightmares so..., in happier news:, Mutual Pining, Banter, Technically there's only one bed..., getting off in the shower, Fantasizing, Fellatio, Cunnilingus, Riding, (not the horse kind; sorry), Alien Biology, safe sex, Language, All kinds of languages really

Author’s Notes: This was supposed to be short. Thank you to mckinlily (and to @lyxanislive (& their partner)) for beta-reading assistance! (Y'all are the best (like no one ever was)!)

As with pretty much everything I write anymore, FUCK CANON. This is kind of an AU of an AU, in that it takes bits from my V:LotD verse pretty much willy-nilly. I'm not sure it fits the V:LotD timeline at all. Oh well. Important bits:

Shiro has a new arm. As in Components, it was made for him by the Paladins and Allura. It needed quintessence to work, and Allura tried to fill it with hers but collapsed before she could finish, so Keith added his to top it off.

Allura's tiara is intact; that is, the gem from her tiara wasn't used to make Shiro's new arm.

I'm incorporating some headcanons from my fics Kindling, Feeling, and the Connection-verse at large. Even a couple from the Starlight/Paladin universe! xD

And, of course, explicitly bi Shiro. There’s mention of Allura having had some “flings” back before she took her 10,000 year beauty nap, but no sexes/genders are mentioned - feel free to headcanon them as you wish. As usual, I think of our glorious princess as pansexual.

Also, I really want to stress this: only in Shiro's night terrors and Allura's nightmares do any of the Big Warnings occur (the Graphic Violence, the Rape/Non-Con, the Major Character Death). NONE OF THAT HAPPENS IN THE REALITY OF THE FIC. But I really didn't pull any punches with these dreams - they're meant to be horrible and disturbing, they're meant to terrify their dreamers (and, in at least one case, make them emotionally vulnerable afterwards).

All of that being said, these things are still in the fic and I would be remiss in not tagging for them. But I just wanted to clarify how they're being used in this case.

(42,199 words - on Ao3) 

SFW Teaser below cut:

           Allura had almost forgotten that they were captives of an as-yet unidentified alien race who had dark, unknowable plans for them, so caught up was she in her banter with Shiro. Do you do it deliberately? she wondered to herself. Do you do this just to keep me from getting either too angry or too scared? Not that she would ever have admitted to being frightened.

           And, for the most part, she wasn’t, when it was just her. Death was an inevitable part of life, and she felt she had only a small part in the drama going on around her. She worked to make it bigger, to leave a legacy she – and her father – could be proud of, but that was the best she could do. She was insignificant compared to Voltron, the defender of legend.

           Voltron being more important than she was necessarily meant Shiro was more important than she was. He was the Black Paladin, the leader, the glue who held the team together. Sure, they had been coming together on their own more and more – Shiro’s near constant abductions, disappearances, and near-deaths ensured that – but Shiro was still the one the entire team turned to, in heart, mind, body, and soul.

           The idea that she would be even tangentially responsible for the loss of Shiro and/or Voltron terrified her. Because without them, everything was lost. The whole universe. Even if Zarkon never got his hands on the Black Lion again, there would be no one to stop him, no one to rise up and oppose his bloodthirsty desire for conquest and power.

           She knew loss deeply, intimately, like an old fling she couldn’t avoid no matter how badly she wanted to. She could deal with it, when it was her own. But the idea that Shiro might die and she’d be unable to stop it chilled her to her bones. She couldn’t face the idea, and if it happened, she’d never be able to face anyone – not even herself – ever again.

           So to tease each other, place silly bets – though she was adamant that she was right and she did aim to prove it, as soon as they were free – chat as if they weren’t prisoners… It soothed her. And when he called the Castle of Lions home, she had to hold in happy tears.

           You still have a planet to call home. You still have blue skies and white clouds and green fields overrun with sprays of juniberry sporesSTOPSTOP. Thoughts of Altea would weaken her when she could least afford it. You have a home, a place of origin that still exists in the universe, that you can return to. Yet still you call the Castle home?

           She wanted to press him on it, to ask him – gently, maybe hide it behind some teasing – why he considered the Castle home when he still had Earth? But before she could do more than open her mouth, her ears twitched again.

           They could see now – the light wasn’t too bright, nor too dim – and Shiro blinked. He must have caught the motion, and of course he knew by now what it would signify. He said nothing but looked back to the door, surely as anxious as she was to get a good glimpse of who it was, exactly, who held them.

[afterspark-podcast]

G1 Episode 12: Transcript

Episode Show Notes

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Stinger]

S: It's really dark and it's ominous and he's standing in moonlight, and he's examining a body.

[Intro Music]

O: Hello, and welcome to the Afterspark Podcast, an episode by episode recap the Generation 1 Transformers cartoon. I’m Owls!

S: And I'm Specs!

O: And today we're gonna be talking about episode number 12: The Ultimate Doom, Part 2. Let's talk about giant robots today, shall we?

S: Yesssss. Last time on the Transformers, Sparkplug turned into a shitty parent via mind control (well, when the Decepticons are involved it happens)-

O: [Laughter]

S: Optimus hit his head and made extremely questionable decisions and then Megatron has, uh, transported Cybertron into Earth's orbit.

O: As you do. And as we open today catastrophes threatened to rip the planet Earth to pieces.

S: And Cybertron? It just looks like a bad moon rising on the horizon.

O: [Laughter]

S: Oh god, I didn't realize that rhymed the time.

[Laughter]

O: Spike tries to talk some sense into his dad but Sparkplug just tries to get him to join the bad guys instead.

S: Oh I swear Spike really looks like he's staring into the camera like it's The Office. He looks so done.

O: He really, really does.

S: This poor kid.

O: And if you remember last time, it was Optimus Prime, himself, that allowed Cybertron to be space-bridged near Earth. Optimus is regretting his actions at the moment and Ironhide tells him, “he did what he needed to do.” Why? No- I call bullshit on this, there was no good reason why this needed to happen beyond Megatron saying that Cybertron would be destroyed otherwise, but I don't really think it would have been. There was no reason to think this because I call bullshit.

S: Optimus, you could have literally taken a step back to think about this. You didn't need to press the stupid button right that minute.

O: He could've decked Megatron. Knocked him out, thought about it, then pressed the button. I still would have thought you made the wrong decision but whatever.

S: You could have had Ratchet look at your head first. I mean-

O: Yeah, seriously I convinced he had a head injury.

S: Yeah. So Megatron's already decided that they've won the war-

O: Of course.

S: As you know, giant mechanical despots are prone to do. I mean, he does this multiple times.

O: Of course, Spike attempts to shoot Megatron with this, like, laser beam that might be a satellite from the previous episode. We’re not sure.

S: I'm pretty sure it is, it basically looks exactly like what they used to space-bridge-

O: Yeah, but it doesn't have the Giant dish on it, that's why I was confused.

S: Maybe they took it off? I don’t know-

O: I don't know. Anyway, it's this thing he hops into and tries to shoot Megatron but, uh, Megs is warned by Sparkplug and gets out of the way.

S: Bad dad.

O: This generates some rocks that almost hit Starscream and Starscream is incredibly angry about getting rocks thrown at him.

S: And he totally looked like Thundercracker the shot prior, like, he was totally Thundercracker blue and then next shot we see him reacting and, nope, that is Starscream. He's probably super pissed about the color change, too.

O: I would imagine. Starscream insults Spike by calling him a “flesh creature” and says, “We’re invincible!”

S:  Oh, my god we should maybe have a tally of that.

O: I- We should. Just have, I-I think it would literally explode with all the-

S: Maybe how many episodes since Starscream said “We're invincible!” or “I'm invincible!” or some variation.

O: [Laughter] It’s been 0 days since the last incident.

S: [Laughter] That seems simpler. I don’t know. So Starscream leads the other Decepticons into an attack

O: And during this attack, Bumblebee gets hit and this hit, for some reason, makes this sound straight out of a bowling alley instead of it actually sounding like metal is being hitn

S: Yeah, like, it doesn't sound like a strike but it sounds like they got like one or two pins with a bowling ball and it's honestly kind of weirdly, um, auditorily disappointing

O: [Laughter]

S: It's weird.

O: It doesn't quite have the impact maybe you were expecting.

S: Yeah, and meanwhile Optimus acquires cat-scratch fever as Ravage jumps on his back, then a branch falls on a power line overhead. Which...I don't think we saw this power line before now but, yeah, the branch falling on the power line causes the power line to fall down and shock Ravage, who then runs the fuck away.

O: I- I just have to ask it, what was the point of anything that's happened in this episode? I don't think it really has an impact of anything that happens after this. It's just things are sort of happening at this point, I think.

S: They needed something to fill up space because they didn't have enough plot for three frickin episodes.

O: Yeah, this should have been like maybe two.

S: I don't think they’d quite gotten two parters down at this point.

O: Eh, probably not.

S: Because I think we've only got individual episodes and then three-parters and then the five-parters.

O: Oh God, I'm not looking forward to those. I’m convinced- I am convinced the multi-partners are the weakest ones in the series.

S: Yeah. So, the Seekers take to the air and Starscream orders Thundercracker to shoot. Thundercracker is, you know, totally rightfully worried about the wind and Starscream is like, “Shoot anyway!” and then lo and behold the fire from Thundercracker’s flamethrowers totally blow back onto them. They don't have a good time.

O: They do not but, naturally, in the middle of a life-or-death fight this sight causes Jazz and Trailbreaker to drop everything and toss a few fire puns at each other.

S: Hot nose. Hot nose.

O: They weren't even good fire puns.

S: Yeah.

O: Rumble gets a taste of his own medicine as seismic activity causes a crevice to open under his feet and swallow him up.

S: He's getting his just desserts, I guess. I don't know. And Soundwave’s been just standing in the back watching all this chaos. Like, he just he looks like he's disassociated.

O: [Laughter] Eh..um…boy am i tired.

S: But, yeah, so he's just standing back watching all this chaos unfurl around him and then Megatron orders him to use an audio disruptor wave.

O: Which he has now, apparently, and Soundwave being one of the few bots able to take an order in this goddamn army does what he's told.

S: The resulting audio wave causes the Autobots to flee and for the majority of the humans a seemingly snap out of their weird mind controlling, except Sparkplug. I guess this thing, like, just. I don't know it seems like it makes the Autobots fall down and humans just snap out of things.

O: But of course Sparkplug isn’t snapped out of this.

S: It's plot relevant.

O: Of course.

S: Then we literally see Prime's trailer sort of shimmer into existence here as they flee, which was a nice effect.

O: It was actually a nice effect but I'm still, like, is the trailer a hologram? Does it, like, come out of subspace? How does the trailer work? And I'm never gonna get an answer to this. [Laughter]

S: I think we just say subspace, but…

O: Probably... which, so many questions. Ah, Spike and Bumblebee flee as Spike watches his dad escape into Skywarp and why do you think Skywarp was picked to be the Sparkplug ferry?

S: I don't know. Um, maybe he was just cooler with having squish- well, humans near him or as he'd say ‘squishies?’ I don't know, he seems like he's maybe chiller than the others.

O: Oh, Starscream would not even remotely consider the idea whatsoever.

S: Well, he does with Dr. Arkeville.

O: Yeah, but that's on his own choice.

S: Yeah.

O: I don't think he’d be very happy if Megatron was like, “You are in charge of this tiny human, Starscream.”

S: True, and I feel like Thundercracker would just be like, “Nope-”

O: Nope, nope. Thundercracker out!

S: Yeah. Though watching Dr. Arkeville makes the connection that his mind control has been broken by the audio disruption and-

O: Psst! This will be relevant later!

S: Oh, very relevant.

O: Starscream, in the middle of all this, starts yelling at Megatron about letting the Autobots escape. Megatron rewards this outburst by backhanding Starscream across the face.

S: As he does. I mean, he seems like he does that, like, once every two episodes.

O: Something like that.

S: They have a very weird relationship. Megatron tells Starscream that this is the only warning he's intending to give and Starscream makes a super fucking weird face.

O: Is he turned on by this? I mean...is he turned on by this? That’s. That’s what that smirk looks like. Okay! Back in the Decepticon base Rumble watches with mild interest as Dr. [Ark]eville shoots Sparkplug with a laser.

S: Whyyyy does Dr. Arkeville shoot him with a device that's, like, three feet away and hanging from the ceiling instead of, I don't know, a handheld device that would be, you know, a lot more easy to control?

O: Obviously it's to make the new hypno-chip stick. Who needs glue when you have lasers!

S: I feel like glue would be the easier and cheaper method.

O: He's a mad scientist, Specs, he's a mad scientist. Lasers are clearly the way he has to go.

S: ...But it's not efficient.

O: Mad scientists’ don’t care about efficiency!

S: I feel like he should but-

O: Well, he's a kind of shitty character, to be honest.

S: He is, unfortunately. Well, I don't think we ever see any other iterations of him which I guess I'm glad about.

O: He actually is in Shattered Glass, ironically, but he's a good guy.

S: That's good!

O: I like him! I like him in Shattered Glass, actually.

S: I was, like, I was gonna ask if he was a good person.

O: He's actually really cool. He’s still got like some cybernetic augmentations that nobody's really sure where it came from but, no, he's actually pretty cool.

S: That’s good! I’ll have to read those. I mean you’re-

O: They’re all on your new computer now!

S:Well, you're enabling the hell out of me, thank you.

O: [Laughter] Well, I mean I feel I can only return the favor.

S: So, Laserbeak is apparently kid- off- well, off kidnapping more human test subjects elsewhere.

O: He kidnaps two people at a time here. You’d think he'd go to a school or factory or something and get a bunch of people all in one go?

S: Well, he's also one relatively small bird robot.

O: TRUE. You’d think they would send multiple bots and do this.

S: True, true. I guess the animators just didn't want to deal with animating a whole crowd of people which, um, fair. I wouldn't want to, either.

O: Yeah, Laserbeak returns with the kidnapped men and Rumble takes one of them off to be enslaved via hypno chip but not before Shockwave calls to inform Megatron that the energy level of Cybertron is at a critically low level.

S: Cybertron is just always on the verge of fuckin starving. Oh god.

O: Shockwave. Shockwave, you've gotta ask for a transfer, man.

S: Yeah, or just, you know, actually shipping goddamn Energon which I guess the Decepticons do try, but the Autobots keep, you know-

O: Fucking shit up?

S: Yeah, I've forgotten the word that I want. Fending off their efforts? Something, whatever.

O: Sabotaging?

S: They're not sabotaging, they're just completely locking things down, preventing them from [clap] from doing it. I feel like the word starts with an F but it's not important. Let’s get this back to this! Um. Back with the Autobots, Optimus and Ironhide are having trouble navigating the “severe weather” quotation marks there. So many quotation marks around “severe.”

O: [Laughter] It just looks like a heavy drizzle but okay guys. Jazz is ergonomically handling this situation by magnetizing himself the Ironhide's bumper.

S: Jazz, you just make everything better. You’re- you’re awesome, dude.

O: Definitely!

S: Even if I am kind of annoyed by your really bad puns, earlier.

O: He’s the Pun Master.

S: Pun Meister.

O: Yeeeeeeaaaaaaah!

S: [Laughter] Oh god. In Bumblebee’s cab, Spike just he looks so fucking done. He really looks like he's disassociated.

O: Oh yeah, he's super out of it. So much so, that when Bumblebee blows out a tire and needs help he's gotta, like, physically shake Spike out of his cab to get his attention.

S: Oh god, no one's having a good day, especially with all the rain. And Megatron would like to have some updates on his human slaves, oh, thank you very much.

O: I'm not sure who wrote this damn episode but I strongly suspect it may have been a drunk monkey because we literally keep cutting to people for less than 30 seconds and then cutting away again. All of these scenes feel sooo pointless! And so we go back, yet again, with Spike and Bumblebee after swapping to Megatron for like 10 seconds. Um, a big, random crack opens up under Bumblebee. Bee ends up hanging off the edge of the side of the cliff, clutching Spike to his chest.

S: And, okay, it's it wasn't intended to look like this but between Spike’s expression here and the way he's clinging to Bumblebee, it really just looks like he's completely and utterly disgusted with someone critiquing their relationship.

O: [Laughter]

S: That's- I know he's clinging to Bumblebee for dear life because, god, there’s-

O: Canyon!

S: Fuckin, yeah. Hundred foot canyon? We don't know how deep it is. But that expression. He just looks so disgusted. He looks so unhappy.

O: Laserbeak shows up out of nowhere and takes off with Spike.

S: This is apparently what giant robot birds do. That’s just his life.

O: I want to know why this cassettes got conscripted into helping the mad scientist, exactly? They actually know how to take fucking orders that's the reason.

S: And they’re vaguely close to scale to him.

O: Yeah they are a lot smaller.

S: Yeah, and then Bumblebee loses his grip by apparently forgetting that he was, you know, needing to hang off to the edge with that particular hand.

O: [Laughter]

S: He presumably falls to his death as we go to the commercial break.

O: And just sort of quote the Jem Jam, “Buy the toys, kids, or Bumblebee might die!”

S: Aaaah, that's a lot of the motivational factor behind these episodes isn’t it.

O: Uh-huh, uh-huh.

S: Oh god, Spike is rescued by Bluestreak, Hound, and Windcharger, when Bluestreak shoots Spike out of Laserbeak's grasp bringing Bluestreak’s sniper skills into this.

O: Of course, and Hound transforms and catches Spike in his seat. It's very strange because he, like, jumps up at the air so they're sort of falling at the same time and it seems like he's actually slowly Spike’s momentum down or trying to.

S: Yeah, like this entire production is really weird because, like, they're down below and then Hound transforms, drives, like, off and around- off a cliff- to catch-

O: To catch him.

S: Spike.

O: Yeah.

S: And that, that seems like such a goddamn production just to try and catch this kid.

O: I mean-

S: Well, they don’t want him to die.

O: Well, like. I-I feel like since the last episode, obviously, Ratchet has given them a good talking-to on, “Hey! Humans can't survive long falls or something.”

S: “They're squishy. The terminal velocity will splatter their internal organs, even if the exterior does not splatter. Don't let them drop.”

O: [Laughter]

S: “You answer to me,”

O: They would.

S: Yeah. then Bluestreak calls Laserbeak a turkey.

O: Shut up, Bluestreak.

S: He might have called. I don't forget- if it was just a turkey or something else attached to turkey.

O: I don't care, it involved a turkey and I was like shut up Bluestreak.

S: And then Spike leads the others over to the crevice that swallowed Bumblebee because you gotta get the Bee?

O: Uh, yeah, then Hound pulls out a scanner that he holds in front of his crotch and swipes it from side to side.

S: It looks really awkward. It looks so bad, where did he even pull it from?

O: Who knows?  But Hound does eventually pick up Bumblebee’s signal with his penis- I mean his scanner.

S: And then Windcharger uses his magic arms to pull Bee out of the crevice with his..laser magnetic tractor beam.

O: Well, it may get Bumblebee back and I love that Bumblebee says that he's out of gas so he just climbs that Hounds’ back seat for a ride back to base.

S: This is not the only time we see giant robots riding in or on other giant robots.

O: He’s just so good natured about it, I think, is what cracks me up?

S: Um-hmm. The Decepticons load up Skywarp with Energon and send Sparkplug to Cybertron with him. Finally!

O: Finally they’re getting some Energon.

S: Yeah.

O: Dr. Evil's pissed that Megatron is sending away one of his slaves but Megatron informs him that Decepticons have duplicated at his tech and now can control his slaves, too.

S: Doc, Doc. You're evil and you didn't file a patent and also you're working with giant evil robots so do you really expect the giant evil robots to respect your creator’s rights here?

O: Yeah.

S: Did you seriously expect that? Did you expect them to have some sort of- I forget the word.

O: Copyright? Uh, patents?

S: I don't know, honor among thieves?

O: Ah! Yeah, no.

S: I don't know.

O: We are talking about Megatron.

S: Yeah.

O: Back with the Autobots, they send out the Dinobots to help with disaster relief as Earth continues to be affected by various natural disasters.

S: Grimlock makes his apathy about Earth's fate known and then Wheeljack asks him, “With you on it?” and Grimlock considers this for a moment is like, “Hadn’t thought of that.”

O: Don’t worry bud, you’ll get to the right conclusion eventually.

S: You'll learn some enlightened self-interest, Grims. Grimsey, you will in time. And the Decepticons are also having some issues with these various natural disasters. They, uh, they set off as their, uh, base is damaged with- from rock slides and tsunamis.

O: Naturally, Starscream comments on this with his normal level of charm.

S: That is loudly and with lots of screeching.

O: Yes!

S: Spike continues to deal with his dad's absence. He's not a happy camper. He really isn't. When another earthquake rocks the Ark, this time due to Mount St. Hillary exhibiting volcanic activity.

O: All the Autobots evacuate the Ark and we get some excellent visual shitposting as-

S: Ah, well, not all the Autobots. Not quite all the Autobots..  

O: Ah, sorry. The Autobots are evacuating the Ark and then we get some excellent visual shitposting as-

S: Once outside, Ironhide turns toward. He turns toward the volcano and then transforms and wordlessly points with an open mouth.

O: And then, not a second later, the volcano erupts and Ratchet, Huffer, and Windcharger come blasting out the top of the volcano.

S: This totally is not Ratchet’s idea of a party but maybe Huffer’s having a good time?

O: It's Huffer. You know he isn't.

S: And then they're saved by Skyfire.

O: Hi buddy! So, Optimus, after all this happened says that they need to turn off the volcano.

S: That's really not how volcanoes work but okay, buddy.

O: Ironhide goes inside the volcano and blasts a bunch of rocks to plug it up.

S: And he says, “When you're good, you're good.” Or something to that effect.

O: It’s something to that effect and that should not work. But aargh!

S:  But they should- they could really use Beachcomber here cuz he's- he's, you know, he's a he's a geologist.

O: And maybe get a professional next time. Anyway, this works for no reason.

S: [sigh] …Why? And then we see the Dinobots doing various things that are supposedly helping with the natural disasters but I don’t know.

O: At least that's what the cartoon wants us to think.

S: They're doing something- they're doing some blockades and some, um, canals.

O: To help with the tsunami.

S: I guess it's like the thing where Ironhide was, like, shooting, like-

O: Oh god.

S: Canals? Or whatever?

O: Ugh.

S: During, I think, the first three parter?

O: Something like that.

S: In the Ark - which is apparently, totally, just fine now - Optimus is talking about Spike. With Spike just standing right there. Like, that's awkward.

O: You gotta get better at keeping track of your little dudes near your feet, man.

S: And Spike is informed that Sparkplug has been taken to Cybertron. How did the Autobots know this? I don't remember.

O: I don't remember, I don't know if they got a call or if Optimus is just telling this to Skyfire, or what.

S: Or maybe Optimus Prime's magic pecs picked it up.

O: [Laughter] Of course! Regardless- Wheeljack, Bumblebee, and Skyfire all volunteer to go with Spike to Cybertron to rescue his dad.

S: Aaaah Skyfire is so freaking nice.

O: Get that ‘bot a hug.

S: And this is Spike’s first time on Cybertron!!! Except that Chip and Sparkplug totally got to go there before him-

O: [Laughter]

S: Soooo all the fun uniqueness is maybe taken away.

O: Skyfire is apparently excellent at flying as he's dodging the hell out of everything that the Decepticons are throwing at them right now.

S: And then Brawn is apparently here, too. I mean, I guess we need- I guess we need pugnacious short dude that can punch through things, but all right.

O: And clearly Skyfire hates him as much as I do because Skyfire trips Brawn when he's exiting Skyfire’s cargo bay.

S: By transforming. Skyfire was apparently just in a super big ass hurry. And Spike does not have any situational awareness whatsoever because he just totally bumbles right into a laser beam, triggering a trap that he then falls into and Bumblebee and Brawn proceed to jump in after him.

O: Mostly because they're small but good job, Spike. You split up the party, you should never split up the damn party!

S: Yeaaaaah.

O: Naturally, they escape through a nearby ventilation shaft until they fall through that, too.

S: I think the, say, Decepticons use the Cybertronian equivalent of tin foil, or something, for this?

O: Yeah, it like, it just falls to pieces. They fall through it.

S: Yeah, whatever contractor got hired for this? Whoever hired them sho- should really try and get, you know, compensation.

O: Pretty much.

S: Yeah.

O: Our three idiots land right in front of the helpfully labeled hypno chip control computer

S: It's so convenient and Brawn proceeds to call Wheeljack on his handy-dandy cellphone to explain the whole mind-control chip thing to him.

O: And the--everybody hides because they hear somebody coming, but Spike lures his dad nearby by leaving out Sparkplugs’ favorite wrench.

S: I don't think we ever see him bring the wrench but, apparently, he just-

O: Apparently, he brought it. [Laughter]

S: Yeah and then Sparkplug sees Spike and alerts the Decepticons because Spike’s just like, “I love you, dad, I can't hide from you!” and the episode cuts us Spike yells, “Nooooooo!!!”  And there are tears glimmering in his eyes.

O: Of course, it's very anime. Join us next time for the “thrilling?” conclusion to our three parter The Ultimate Doom part 3.

S: And that's thrilling with a question mark behind it, because...how thrilling is this stuff, really?

O: [Laughter] You decide.

S: I don’t think it’s very thrilling.

O: Alright, Specs, what's our fanfic for today?

S: Alright, so our recommendations for today are- our fanfiction recommendations for today, there's only two of them so I'm trying to keep this minimal, are “Tanked” by Cyberwulf which is in the G1 cartoon continuity. It's rated T because Optimus Prime accidentally gets drunk.

O: [Laughter]

S: And it's rated Gen, more or less, uhhhh, it mentions Optimus/Elita-1 which, uuuuuuhhhh, has some, uh. Basically involves Optimus sort of musing on his relationship with her and being like, “I didn't know she was my sister, I didn’t know!!!”

O: Oh, dear god!

S: “For like four million years, our creator was a jerk!”

O: Oh god, that’s so wrong!

S: It is! It is! Sorry, um. So, yeah, I guess that's a thing. I guess that's a note for you, alright. Uh, our characters here are Optimus Prime, Sparkplug Witwicky, Spike Witwicky, and Ironhide. And, in summary, “Prime needs help only, Sparkplug can give it.” And I basically just wanted something Sparkplug-centric for this and it's a one shot and basically both of these are actually Sparkplug-centric.

S: Alright, our second one is The Human Element by Im_The_Doctor and then Bofur1 [Im_The_Doctor (Bofu1)] in, uh...

O: Parentheses.

S: Parentheses, thank you. It's G1 cartoon continuity, it's rated G, it’s Gen- there aren't any pairings, and our characters here are: Ratchet, Wheeljack, Sparkplug, Jazz, Bumblebee, Brawn, Gears, Huffer, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, Bluestreak, Prowl, Hoist, and Blaster, more or less in order of-

O: Of importance? Or appearance?

S: Probably appearance, yeah. In summary, “ “…and stay out! I don’t want to see another human for the rest of this tricursed orn!” Ratchet is being even more uptight than usual, especially about humans, so a few of his friends decide to intercede in the ways that they know best.” And, okay, I said it was something Sparkplug-centric, it's also kind of Ratchet-centric, too, because they're trying to convince Ratchet that humans are okay.

O: [Chuckle]

S: And it's, um, technically I think it might be part of a series cuz this particular author has actually a really, really long series that seems to focus on the minibots that I've been meaning to read but I haven't yet.

O: Gotcha.

S: But this was--it was fun and entertaining and Ratchet’s like, “You need to convince me-”

O: [Laughter] This convincing had better involve booze.

S: Kind of. It's a party.

O: It’s Ratchet, I'm not surprised.

S: Yeah, so those are our two of fanfiction recommendations, thank you.

S: Alright and that just about wraps it up for us today remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes or links we may have mentioned. You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter at Aftersparkpod (all one word) and various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast such as AO3, Archive Of Our Own, itunes, Google Podcasts, Stitcher, and Youtube, just to name a few. Till next time, I'm Specs.

O: And I’m Owls!

S: Toodles!

[Outro Music]

[lollercakesff]

the hole we’re in

Fandom: Stranger Things

Characters: Joyce Byers x Jim Hopper

Warnings: Reference to past non-con.

Word Count: 2,348

AO3

This is a parallel to ‘the breathing triangle’. Though they don’t share content, it’s the same idea from the other perspective. I wanted to incorporate the other side but wasn’t quite sure how, so I broke it into two.

This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out.

A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, 'Hey you. Can you help me out?' The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.

Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, 'Father, I'm down in this hole can you help me out?' The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on

Then a friend walks by, ‘Hey, Joe, it's me can you help me out?' And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, 'Are you stupid? Now we're both down here.' The friend says, 'Yeah, but I've been down here before and I know the way out.'

He loves her, he loves her, he loves her.

“Are you sure these are the right notes?” He asks again, just to be sure that his homework is flawless. He needs this, badly, to not flunk out of his last English class ever.

“Hopper, would I ever give you substandard notes?” Joyce responds before turning back to her locker.

“I could kiss you right now,” he adds lowly as he sneaks a glance at her. Truer words. Never spoken. All that jazz.

“Just make sure your car starts tonight so we can actually get to Meredith’s party, okay?”

He’d rather they ditched the party. He’d rather she look at him and actually see him this time. But he keeps those damn thoughts to himself.

She isn’t his Joyce. Not today. Hasn’t been for over a month. He tries not to think about it. Maybe she really is sick, the splatters on his shoes would confirm it. But this was more than that - there was a light out in her eyes, the small one that twinkled when she finished a good book or made the perfect dick joke. It was gone and he didn’t know why.

At first he thought it was because she was pissed about him missing Meredith’s party, getting stuck at home with his tyrannical father. But it had gone on too long and didn’t feel like her grudges - those were tense and focused - this felt cold and empty.

He needed to know what was going on but he wouldn’t push it - that wasn’t his place. If he knew anything, he knew that forcing Joyce into a corner would only result in them both getting burned, his cheek still searing from the last time they argued and she outright slapped him. They’d both recognized it then, the heat that spiked like sparks between them, and it had scared them both into submission, apologies and silent oaths left unsaid.

But he had to figure out what was going on. Whatever it was it was eating away at her, radiating off of her like smoke, and he couldn’t help but worry that it would drag her under and away from him, somewhere she wouldn’t come back from. Somewhere he couldn’t go. Somewhere without him and her, together.

“Joyce, come back to the car,” he barked as she stumbled onto the shoulder of the road from the passenger seat.

He’d never seen her like this, disjointed and torn apart. It was freaking him the fuck out.

The weeks had started to blur into one another as Joyce pulled further and further away from her friends, segregating herself from their lunch conversations, hiding out at the back of class and giving up the secret smoke breaks that they used to share. He’d been determined not to give up on her though, remaining steadfast at her side as best he could even when she pushed back at him.

But now she was crying and he couldn’t let her walk away, not like this, that wasn’t the friendship they had.

“Joyce, hey, talk to me,” he added as he came around the side of the car, his own tears burning up inside of him as he pulled her against his chest, her tears soaking into his shirt.

This had gone on long enough. It wasn’t right. Something wasn’t right.

“You have to tell me what’s going on. I’ll help you. Whatever it is, we’ll fix it,” he promised, arms holding her too tightly. He could feel her shudder, her body forcing space between them. He remembered shouting:

“Don’t leave it like this.”

“Don’t leave me like this.”

And he knew it was too much then. A weight that would crush her. The thing that was wedged between them that was forcing her to quicken her pace into the treeline leaving him rejected, shattered, as she disappeared from view and the love he so badly wanted her to return.

Vietnam. Fuck Vietnam.

Look at where he was now, married, cutest kid on the planet and a mind that only assaulted him with memories when he had one too many beers to drink. Those were the nights that a country and a person dug into his skin and pulled at him until he couldn’t close his eyes.

He didn’t do that anymore, Diane hated it, so he gave it up and threw himself into his new life as a city beat cop and a family man.

It was what he wanted to get lost in. What he’d wanted all those years ago before Joyce up and left him to figure out his shit on his own. No word of goodbye, no explanation. He’d tried so hard not to be bitter and Vietnam had wiped it clean leaving him only with imaginings of what could have been.

But he was happy now. Or he was. The jury was still out.

Sara was sick again.

He was one drink away from that awful edge.

Everything collapsed in a big, bright, beautiful explosion. It dragged him under, drowned him and ran a crack through all he held dear.

Sara was gone. That was true.

Diane was gone. That was also true.

Hawkins had welcomed him back with a cold beer and easy prescriptions, the kind he found himself getting lost in as he started as the Chief of Police. He had to hide it - or at least pretend to hide the resemblance that he was a wreck - in order to stay employed but nights like these were too much and he couldn’t stop the way he tried to drown himself on solid land with round after round that the bartender didn’t question.

Sometime over the course of the night Joyce had appeared, all bad memories and sadness, her small frame still a shadow of his as she sat beside him and downed her drinks in time with him.

When they made it back to his trailer he’d pulled her to him, all instinct and messy history clouding into the press of his lips to her neck. But then she was standing and his joke was falling flat and she just stared at him. Mouth agape and torture scraped into her features.

And then she was talking. And he was hearing her. And everything raked over him like hot coals.

“I don’t remember how I got there. I don’t remember who I slept with. I don’t remember saying yes. I certainly didn’t want to get pregnant with a child I couldn’t look after. It was stolen from me, Hop. Someone stole my life from me. Stole… This.”

His training told him to say something, anything, to give her something to hold onto. He’d heard these situations before. They were fuzzy, but he’d heard them.

But a part of him - the shitty part where he stuffed down the thoughts of the soldiers’ crimes - didn’t want to believe was she was saying. Refused to put the pieces together and believe her. She would have told him then. She would have come to him. He’d been there for her.

So he sat there frozen as she wrapped her arms protectively around herself, watched her let herself out as the realization of what she’d said, what she might have experienced, flooded into him and ended with his fist embedded in his wall.

The vanishing of Will Byers was the catalyst to the careful life he’d built after returning to Hawkins. The one where he stayed away from Joyce Byers. The one where he couldn’t face her in the daylight for fear of his failures as her friend. As a man. As a cop.

He’d let her down and he couldn’t deal with it. So instead he added it to the laundry list of shit that gave him reason to drink every time he didn’t have to work. Put it down next to the reasons he checked with his one-night-stands before he took them home.

The vanishing of Will Byers forced him back into the land of the living and made him work and work and work until the body floated to the surface of the quarry.

Loss. It had pushed into him until there was no space left for him to breathe, no room to move or run or escape. Will Byers was dead and now he was the doctor telling this boy’s mother that there was nothing they could do. That there was nothing that they could do to save his daughter.

It choked him.

The look on Joyce’s face when he informed her. The look that tore every shred of small hope that he had pieced together with tape a glue over the last year. It destroyed him.

“He spoke to me Hopper, in the lights,” she insisted after a brief shake of her head. The look had disappeared and she was steadfast, determined, strong.

“Try to get some rest, Joyce,” he bid as he closed the door on her. Returning to his truck he stared at the small house that he’d worked so hard to avoid. The place that was home to one of his biggest regrets.

She was still his Joyce. Somewhere in there. The smart girl who’d been victimized three times by men - the hidden one, the ex one, and him. Maybe he needed to believe her this time. Maybe he’d spent too much time not believing her and that’s why they were here, estranged and in a constant state of conflict.

He decided to look then. To really look and see what she was seeing, through her eyes. Suspending his disbelief he followed the loose threads that pricked at the back of his mind until he was sliding his swiss army knife into rubber, his fingers pulling out stuffing instead of organs.

When he kneeled over the real body of Will Byers and forced his hands to compress his chest over and over again until the coughing brought him back to life - the same act that hadn’t saved his Sara - he knew then as Joyce clutched her boy that there was hope, even in all this shit they were wading through.

He made a deal with the devil then to give her back her son, to try to repay some of the unspoken debts he believed he owed to her. Disappearing into the agency he relived the worst moments of his missions in Vietnam until one day they let him go, gave him a free pass to keep the town under control and closed their active unit.

That’s when El finally came out of the woods - the girl having been a fighter who had seen too much, felt too much, suffered too much. He saw the parallels between them and refused to let her fall through the cracks like he’d done since coming back to Hawkins.

So he got himself clean. Started accompanying Joyce and Will to the doctor’s, even as he stood by and watched her fall for Bob Newby. Hid El away. Found himself in the process and when the monster’s came back he was strong enough to face them. Strong enough to be there for those who needed him.

Strong enough to feel human again.

She’s laying here, next to him, her dark eyes focused on his.

It hadn’t been what he expected when he dropped El off at the Snow Ball, not by a long shot. But somehow Joyce and him had found their way back to each other, even if just for this moment.

After their kiss - the one that had breathed new life into him as she forgave his trespasses - he’d offered up a warmer locale in the form of his trailer. She’d followed him in her own car, assured that she could leave whenever she’d wanted.

But she hadn’t yet. The dance would be ending soon and they would both have to go, but neither of them seemed willing to break the truce they’d forged in these stolen hours.

No. He just wanted to keep laying here. Watching her watching him. He could get lost in this.

“We can’t go back to when we were teenagers. But we can start again,” she whispered as he ran his hand across her cheek, letting it drift to the swoop of her t-shirt where it caught in his finger.

He didn’t want to say the wrong thing so he said nothing, scooting his knees until they pressed into hers. She mimicked the movements of his hand, tracing across his beard until her palm grazed the curve of his neck, exploring, trailing flames.

They’d never had this. Not ever. And it felt like they’d been robbed all these years - of this feeling and of each other. He had to seize it now. Had to believe that this time it would stick.

Time slows and rebuilds the bridges they’d shattered. It heals and grows the space between them and he feels like he’s climbed out of the hole, like his friend has finally shown him the way.

The pills didn’t save him. Jesus didn’t save him. But his friend, the one who’d been down a rabbit hole of her own and had somehow found her way out, was tugging him back into the world, one touch at a time, and goddammit he was going to follow her this time.