#anywayyyyy lmk what you think ! ^-^

[takami-takami]

I'm really proud of this passage in the slowburn priest keigo fic. It's like... Devoid of context it still hits I think but like ! Anyways here it is. ^-^

Tw religious trauma and deep repression. Undertones of conversion. Mention of suicide.

Chapter description: "For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live… Blows that wound cleanse away evil; strokes make clean the innermost parts." 

(Note: this should be after the near kiss scene, where you subtly reject him by turning your head in shame. Have him staring in bed at the ceiling. Subtle call back to the j/o scene.)

A few thoughts crossed Keigo’s mind that night. 

He observed the sickness that brewed in the cavity of his chest in a manner not unlike the steaming tea you prepared to pour into his empty cup that morning; only this viscous fluid was far less saccharine, less sweetened to taste with sugar. Your sweet tea kept itself neatly within the barricade of his ceramic cup— contained, if not seconds from boiling. The sickness, bless its beating heart, had already begun to leak through its ephemeral cracks.

These thoughts burned Keigo’s esophagus rather than his tongue.

These thoughts were dirty.

These thoughts were as follows:

It settles like bile spit into your stomach, and your body rejects it. Cognitively, you know you should listen to them; your bishops, your people. Your holy, unsoiled text.

They are the authority. You must be sick.

God loves you when you don't love yourself. That's true, isn't it? You love your God so dearly, you would amputate your own limb to continue to shephard in his good graces. You would gnaw it severed using your bare teeth if you must, shredded like a starved canine’s cuspids into sacrificial meat, allowing the pearly off-white to become drenched with red— the same shade of red that stains the same, damned shade of pearly off-white on Sundays; and Fridays and Tuesdays and Thursdays and Mondays and Wednesdays and Saturdays, the tirade of a Catholic parade.

It is self-love to prune your dead ends. The tips of your leaves are rather necrotic, blistering in putrid, desaturated green. They fray at the seams, and ever-diligent, you take the task upon yourself to play both gardener and executioner. You clip the infected tips, the stems, the buds; and at desperate times, you cut the petioles.

It is self-love to prune your dead ends. 

So why does it feel like suicide, instead? 

And is that offering good enough for Him? Does the mortification of the flesh— blistered knees, empty stomachs, self-scarred backs, and the dirtying of some carpenter’s hands— pave the road to salvation? 

Is this truly what it takes to save them?

It isn’t until you get out that you look down at your amputated parts and begin to weep.

The last wasn’t a thought he had at that very moment, of course. Thoughts such as those only blossom in the aftermath of a great drought, with seeds tentatively sprouting through curious tendrils that reach like babies’ hands into newly quenched soil, the fear of being struck still etched into their epigenetics. But there will come a time when Keigo, too, sprouts like trees. Not in the way that his congregation plucks the fruit of his branches for, but in a way his inner child could. 

Not sturdy as in weathered, but sturdy as in whole.

Neither savior nor saved, neither corrupted nor uncorrupted. They were never truly opposites from the start, and neither were the two of you.

Keigo loved you. It was dirty, but he loved you.

And it was good.

[columbiastapshoes]

hello twin peaks fandom. i just finished the og 2 seasons and for the later half of season 2 i put live reactions in my notes app. here are the highlights <3 (lmk if u want the full version it’s so much longer)

‼️spoiler warning‼️ ALSO if you read me saying ‘evil cooper’ i am talking about windom earle. i did not know there would be a literal evil cooper. at the end of the reactions ‘evil cooper #2’ is referring to cooper’s doppelgänger <3 also also!! the double return means it’s a new collection of notes that i wrote down in the same moment if that makes sense? i wanted to do screenshots instead of the actual text but alas i can only upload ten </3

- "psychological evaluation" he already has an autism diagnosis leave bro alone

- ok hang on. if josie dies and harry couldn't protect her. then. parallels with caroline dying and cooper couldn't protect her. Hm :3 (update! david lynch the man that you are.)

- "what is the greatest gift one human being can give to another?" and bobby and i make the same 🤨 face

- weasel. right. yes. i am following this conversation

- sksksksksk save the weasels

- sorry

- im really sorry

- this is the worst possible person to be helping rn. unfortunately he is incredibly smart.

- earle is dale if he used his autism for evil

- i certainly hate you james fwiw!!

- you guys have started over again like 30473938 times stop it

- "please come home with me" "actually you should go" GUYS

- done with y'all where are the queers

- cooper appears from a bush and goes "you never loved her anywayyyyy"

- christ this is rough where are my boys

- MY BOYS??? oh no it's you :/

- haha you're not gonna tell him right

- ohhhh dear :3

- im going to kms :3

- hello bri ish man would you like a bo'ol of wo'uh

- chess? great! sheriff to fbi agent. they kiss. they both win

- "have someone keep an eye on him" CUDDLE WIFH HIM COWARD HE CLEARLY NEEDS YOU. YOU ARE THE FIRST AND ONLY PERSON TO CALM HIM DOWN AND ALLOW HIM TO CRY INSTEAD OF YELL. WHAT THENFUCK DALE COOPER DO U REALIZE HOW MUCH HE LOVES U. sigh

- I DONT CARE ABOUT THE FUCKING WEASELS THIS IS SO FUCKING. RGH

- no way they have roblox dress to impress in twin peaks

- OH NO HE EVIL WHITTLES HES LIFERALLY RVIL COOPER

- i wanna kiss this sad sad man very desperately

- break it with a hammer ??? dumdum

- WOWEEBOB !! !!

- "not all men" ur right pete martell would never

- my boys have not been together as much and it's making me STBERE THEY ARE WITH A HOMOSEXUAL ARM AROUND THE SHOULDER

- oh there's a bomb! ok!

- HARRY HAS A GRANDPA SWEATERRRRR I LOVE HIMMM

- they touched hands they wanna make out sooooo bad

- the bomb can wait you guys are in love

- cooper so preeeeetttyyyyyy :333

- andy i love you very dearly

- i love how harry is so gentle and kind and patient with lucy and then he's like ANDY SHUT THE FUCK UP

- girls night (cooper interrogating audrey donna and shelly)

- wow thats comforting if i was told this i would burst into tears or flames

- i love it when cooper is in front of a whiteboard

- "for instance?" i KNEW thats how u would approach dirty talk u fancy motherfucker

- THEY ARE NOT MAKING EYE CONTACT IN AN IMPORTANT CONVERSATION. AUTISM.

- why is bro goth what happened

- evil cooper you need to either do normal foundation or all white WHY ARE HIS TEETH BLAAACK

- bro is NOT siouxsie 😭😭😭

- yeah no shit. is this. news. i knew this before u fbi fuckers did

- URETHRA! ☝️

- you could KISS him? okay evil cooper..

- finished my brownie. crave death

- who is bro talking to

- oh leo hi leo

- it hasn't panned to leo yet i think he's like dead and they'll reveal it in a sec

- oh nom worse than dead ow ow ow ow

- OW OW OW OW OWWWWIEEEEEE

- WHERE DID HE FIND THE TARANTULAS

- dw leo i can take them home. they are my friends

- giggling a lil. about. cooper.

- BY HEAVENS oh my god

- i'm still giggling about cooper but it has turned from "i want him" giggling to "BY HEAVENS!!" giggling

- ok sorry what's the issue i got distracted

- sorry had to rewind two more times BY HEAVENS is taking me out

- i always said this show needed a dance sequence (i never said that)

- jeez u guys suck not u lucy ur eating

- I ALWAYS SAID TWIN PEAKS NEEDED A KICKLINE AND TOP HATS (i never said that)

- closeup on harry's face pls don't i need GRAND THEFT AUTO.

- sorry pete just said grand theft auto.

- can my cats stop beefing i have a show to watch

- WHERE ARE HER DRAPE RUNNERS!!!!

- you don't fucking say things got out of hand Michael.

- most useless side plot i do not care

- CAN MY CATS STOP BEEEEFINGGG

- HOLY SHIT ITS EVIL COOPER TO ME AND EVIL COOPER LITERALLY!!!!!

- how is he not crying and screaming in a fetal position that would be my plan

- why is evil cooper #2 kinda.

- why do i lowkey want evil cooper #2

- TBIS FUCKING KID WITH THE FLASHLIGHT

- bobs camera angle looks like a ring doorbell

thank you!

[bronzetomatoes]

Sorry I would like a second opinion on a personal issue from people who had no involvement in the situation so. Sorta long post ahead

Ermm so there's this girl in my band class. And like at our school that means we've all been in the same class with the same 20-some people for both band and English for 2-3 years now, so we're a pretty close group as far as full high school classes go. But yeah there's this girl I've sorta known in passing the past couple years

When we got to school for the new year in September, this girl (gonna call her Alice, not her real name) had just come out as trans, started growing her hair out, was very skittish and socially awkward. Last year she had a friend group, this year none of them seemed to be talking to her. After chatting with us for a day in October, she asked if she could start hanging out with us at school more often. We all sorta went 👍 ofc you can

We really did not have anything in common, but we could tell she needed friends and like. It's fine, ofc, and our band teacher spoke to us privately about how great it was to see Alice have friends + the impact she could see it having on Alice.

After like a month or two, the early awkwardness and stilted conversations had... not gone away. But like I thought That's okay, being socially awkward isn't a crime, not everyone is good w that shit. We still very much did not have Any common interests, and honestly? We didn't even seem to enjoy each other's company that much, she just sorta hung around us bc she needed friends. We didn't find each other funny either, which sorry if that seems stupid but like thats kind of a big deal for me and my friends

One thing I started to notice was that she seemed... overly familiar? Like she started laying on pretty thick with flirting and sexual jokes in a way that kind of just fell flat. I kinda pinned it as social awkwardness + not taking hints, but my friends and I had known each other for YEARS before we started that shit, not. 3 months. And like it wouldn't have been a problem if Alice would like, stop when we asked her to.

On the one hand, I feel like some of my friends were a little harsh in the way they started icing her out, but on the other hand I had been fighting off a Bad Gut Feeling for months at that point and didn't much feel like going to bat for Alice? But anyway

I missed a lot of lunch hours for extracurriculars, which is when most of this shit goes down, so apparently Alice had kept on full sending it w the heavy flirting and sexual comments. Literally asked one of the more reserved guys if he was circumcised out of fucking no where. Asked one guy out, found out he had a gf, immediately moved onto another guy. Asked someone if his friend was single, guy said "no, but I don't think he's looking for anything rn," Alice replied "lmk if he gets better," kept making weird ass fucking jokes (including an incest joke about her REAL LIFE LITTLE BROTHER) until it was just like. This shit has gotta stop

And THEN. Alice's old friends told us that the reason they all fucking dropped her was bc she a) wouldn't quit it w invasive questions abt their sex lives (non-existent) (we're in high school band get real), b) went to someone's house to hang out and READ THEIR DIARY. And c) wrote. self-insert porn about herself and one of their friends and then showed it to them. ANYWAYYYYY we had had ENOUGHH but I feel really bad bc she really and truly got dropped by like 20 people all at once. And like some of us had a free period together so it was like we had been chatting for an hour a day from October to February and we all kinda just dropped her. But on the other hand what the actual fuck

And the thing is, we did give her a chance to apologize. We explained everything that had been making us uncomfortable and asked her to stop, and rather than, idk, deciding to stop hitting on all our friends, she tried to explain why she should be allowed to do it 😭😭 and like at that point I couldn't keep giving her the benefit of the doubt. It ain't misreading social cues if you're being told directly and you refuse to change your behaviour

This all went down like a couple weeks ago but I had to get it off my chest. Don't blame the band teacher or anything her heart is always in the right place but WOO BOY was it misguided 💀

[rj-s]

Head In The Clouds

Reader x Ryujin

Genre: angst, fluff(?

Words: 661

A/N: heyy it’s been so long and i mean i have to come back for my baby’s bday, right? heh. anyway this is inspired by the song Hayd- Heads In The Clouds and I kinda feel like there should be a pt 2)?👀 lmk (am very sleepy rn  i hope the story is not toooo messy😔

Anywayyyyy happy Ryujin Day and I am so sorry for the angst😶‍🌫️ (it’s like 5am now i should sleep

You were in the pre-debut team in JYPE. Yet you left with Somi, leaving your now ex-lover and friends behind.

Today, Ryujin is spending her birthday without you for the 4th year.

Ryujin received many happy birthdays from fans and friends, but the only happy birthday she wanted to hear was from you.

You decided not to debut and became a producer at Blacklabel. It was such a hard decision, but you enjoyed what you're doing now and are very good at it.

However, the songs you write about are always about her. You miss the days when life was so simple. Training with your friends, wanting to debut together as a team. Life was so good it felt like the glass was always half-full.

Where did that go?

There were times you and Ryujin stayed late to keep training for duet dances.

"Y/N-ah, this is not it."

She taught you step-by-step, holding you close. From practising to slow dancing to cringy love songs. She loved holding you close.

'And every second with you was so special.'

That was a mutual feeling.

She confessed to you on your birthday, and the two of you shared your first kiss on her birthday.

It was sweet, and it felt like that's what the two of you had been craving forever.

'Back when we didn't fear the unknowns'

You were fearless, sneaking together to have late-night dates and going to the park, pretending to run away together.

'But that was long ago.'

Right now, you are in your studio, trying not to think about her and work. But she's always your midnight thoughts. She's always in your head.

You missed her, you wonder if she feels the same.

And she does. But the both of you ended things in a not so mature way.

'Who can say where the path will go?'

She became one of the most famous idols and you write and produce songs for many famous idols.

'Philosophers guess but they just don't know

Maybe that's why it was different than expected. It was no surprise that you produce great songs. You thought you would be like your seniors, Stray Kids. Producing songs for you and your friends. Being together for at least 7 years. Have the best of your lives

Maybe that's why you had your head in the clouds.

Both of you didn't see it coming, even you. Until you waited too long. All of you even joked about walking out of the company together. But your oldest unnie had a deep thought, which you started to feel the same.

Somi looked for companies with you together, she takes care of you a lot as you were the foreigner in the group.

You never thought you would leave your girlfriend's side.

'Thought you had it all figured out.'

"We can still see each other."

You said.

"Let's run away."

Ryujin looked so serious.

'Planning to fly away, to escape everything on the ground'

"And to where, baby?"

Ryujin was trying so hard to hold her tears. She knew your new company suits your style more, and maybe she can move with you.

She just wanted to be with you.

You kept in contact for the first few months, but since the company found out about your production skills, they offered you your own studio and you stayed there for three days straight for the first three days.

It was too overwhelming, you even forgot to tell your girlfriend about it.

'But like a plane up in space. We slowly drifted away.'

Both of you became very busy. You with your production and her getting ready for her debut.

You were still rooting for each other though.

But then the both of you realised.

'And every plan that we made. And dream that we chased. Are just memories now'

Everything has changed. You wish you could go back, but you are happy with where you're now.

'They're just memories now'

[k-tarot]

Hii! My name is Alexia. May I request a reading from admin jk , #2 for exo? Thank you!!

@xia-lia

Hi Alexia, thank you so so much for requesting and for your patients ❤️❤️

As usual, I pulled some cards to tell me a little bit more about you so that I can understand why Exo would see you the way they do.

Goddess: Freya - Radical Acceptance. Wow. Just so much power from this card. You just accept things as they are—no questions asked. You’re ready to work against or with it. You are powerful and head strong. As for the animal spirit cards. They say that you’re also a deep thinker, someone who’s mind is a complete mystery to others. You’re a hard worker and you work really well with others. And even though it’s clear that you are intelligent, you are SO much more than what people actually expect. You weave the scenes from behind and set things to happen without others realizing, but like not in a negative way. More of in a way you do things to help you and your friends. And you may also be a really clean or minimalistic person.

Okay so before I dive into what Exo thinks of you, I’m not sure if you’re an earth sign... but there’s just SO much earth energy in your reading. But is hard because you have a lot of air energy too but I also get water—like earth with a flowing energy that is fluid like wind or water??? (Lmk if im completely off btw haha. Sorry if I am but maybe you have a lot of one of the elements above in your star chart.) Anywayyyyys moving on lol.

What does Exo think of you?

Xiumin: okay before I start, I just gotta mention that when I was shuffling, BEFORE I even got half way through shuffling—the 7 of cups flew out and landed face up. I usually keep the cards that fall down facing up lol but I put it back in bc I was like “nahhh can’t be xiumin’s representation card yet bc I haven’t even shuffled properly! So we’ll see if it’s meant to be!” And then I shuffled the deck like 5 times before laying all the cards out and I was SHOOK when I flipped xiumin’s card to see THE 7 OF CUPS. Lmao okay but side story over, Xiumin really likes you. It’s like a mini crush, but more out of admiration tbh. To him, you are just such a hard worker that never stops and metaphorically it’s like you have a huge beautiful garden and you’re just reaping the fruits of all your hard work constantly. Like I just this image of xiumin daydreaming about you and all these flowers around you!

Suho: on the other hand, I think Suho is a bit upset at you LOL sorry for laughing hahaha but not in a bad way! Omg it feels like he’s sulking haha. He thinks you’re a bit too defensive and honestly I think it’s because he might always be hovering over you and you’re kinda just like “excuse me! I can do this on my own!” And he’s just upset that you won’t rely on him more haha. I think he worries about you a lot and is butthurt that you’re kinda stubborn and bratty to him all because you refuse to let him help you whenever you’re struggling.

Lay: wow this is so interesting lol. Because it seems like Lay is close to you in such a nurturing way—he’s the one you go to when ever you’re feeling lost and unsure. Which is so funny because I think that’s why Suho is so sulky and jealous. You’d rely on Lay openly in front of Suho I bet haha. But yes I get a brotherly feel tho, like he really cares about your well being and is always quietly watching out for you.

Baekhyun: I don’t get the vibe that you guys are super close, but I do see that he’s watching you from afar. Kind of in a brotherly way like Lay, but just much more distant. He sees that you’re a hard working and always working on finding new ways to approach things or new ways to create things. Like you just always have a goal and he’ll some time just casually drop a hint or a tip when he sees you struggling—like in such a nonchalant way and it’ll completely blow your mind away and when you’re about to thank him, he’s already gone with a small smile on his face knowing that he was able to help you.

Chen: his vibe is similar to Baekhyun and Lay, but he’s kinda in between. He’s not your go-to like Lay but he’s not as ninja-like like Baekhyun lol. He’s the brother that will always catch you just when you’re about to burn out from all the stress and work you put yourself through. And he’ll like casually be like “hey, I’m about to go grab coffee, wanna join?” Or be like “hey, that’s the millionth time I heard you sighing and it’s annoying so TEA TIME!” He’s the sweet one that will somehow manage to convince you into taking a nap and then waking you up on time to do your work again.

Chanyeol: feels like this kid is a bit full of himself in this spread lol. Like he’s pretty focus on himself and his own work currently in this reading. BUT, he does notice when you’re feeling down. So he doesn’t comfort you and he is really friendly with you! He has a small soft spot for you, but he’s mainly busy so he doesn’t see you too often. He thinks you’re too stressed out too often, so he’ll always slip a joke or two in to get a laugh out of you.

D.O.: oh boyyyy, he is wow—really in love with you. BUT I DONT THINK YOU KNOW! Lol we’ll NOW you know haha but he has a really big one sided crush on you like Holy cow you would not believe. He thinks you’re THE one, his destined one. But it’s like your kinda oblivious haha. But omg he’s so sweet because he’s willing to wait and take his time so that he doesn’t make you feel uncomfortable. He’s really considerate of you. To him, you understand him so deeply and he’s just so so fond of you.

Kai: Ooou, you two are really good friends! Like there’s a lot of chemistry! You two could talk for hourssss. And you two would have a lot of playful banter! Like he might totally roast you and you immediately snap a witty comeback right back at him lol! You two also probably people watch together and sometimes gossip for fun. You’re like his best friend!

Sehun: wow, another mini crush?? I think Sehun is a bit awkward around you LOL mainly because you’re like just so beautiful to him and you’re just shining. And also because you’re really comforting to him!! It’s like you run into him during his lowest of low moments and always manage to cheer him up without even trying to. And he’s definitely feeling like he needs to take a break from you lol. Probably because you somehow always catch him at the times when he feels least cool and he wants you to see the cool side of him haha.

//

This reading made me laugh a lot and was super fun for me!! I hope that it resonates and I hope that you like it! Once again, thank you so much for your patience! Please feel free to lmk what you think!

Much love~

Admin jk

[urwarriorangel]

subconscious mistakes (sweet pea au)

plot: sweet pea’s gone from childhood best friend to stranger. the only times you see him are when you have to patch him up. this session is particularly long and overdue.

w: angsty as fuckkkkk, language, slight fluff, slight smutty mentions but not really (!!!no gifs are mine!!!)

a/n: hi hi hi! i’ve only just met sweet pea (as i’m now catching up on riverdale) but tbh i’m already head over heels for his dumbass. he’s so damn cute. and also everyone who writes for him is so talented like??? wow bitch i’m thirsting and i haven’t gotten to know him that well. anywayyyyy pls enjoy this and lmk what you think!

When you were younger, Sweet Pea would come to you to play. Nowadays, he’d come when he needing patching up. Just that. Your friendship stretched thin, as you were putting yourself through school and Sweet Pea was fighting to keep the Serpents afloat.

He’d come to you every few nights, cuts and bruises adorning his arms, legs, face, all along him. Every time you’d try to talk to him about it, he’d shut you out. Last time he was here, he all but yelled at you. You cried after he left: for him, for yourself, for your lost friendship. Unbeknownst to you, he heard you. He heard your insecurities, your sobs, your worries. He hated himself for speaking to you the way he did, for coming to you with no answers and still expecting your help. He told himself he’d stop coming by, he couldn’t hurt you again. So why is he standing at your door nearly three weeks later, worse than before and more desperate than ever to see you, to feel your nimble fingers work over his wounds.

You’re getting ready to head out, unable to lock yourself up any longer and kill yourself with worry. You just want to grab a bottle of wine so you can come back and drink by yourself, but even the few minutes to the grocery store will calm your mind. What you don’t expect to see when you open your door is Sweet Pea, barely standing upright on the other side. Your eyes widen and words get caught in your throat.

“Sweet Pea?” You whisper, fighting to keep your breath slow so as not to overwhelm him. He looks horrible. He’s got cuts and bruises on every bit of open skin and the clothed sections have blood seeping through fabric.

“Y/N?” Sweet croaks out, eyes barely open as he leans against your doorway. “I’m sorry. I told myself I wouldn’t come back here.”

“Wh-what? Why would you say that?” You whisper, biting your lip as you move forward to grab ahold of Sweet Pea.

“N-no,” he shakes his head and coughs, blood drips out of his mouth all along your doorframe. “I don’t deserve you.”

“Sweetie, please,” you reach over and wrap one of his arms over your shoulder, ignoring his disapproval. You pull him inside, quickly locking the door before walking him to your bathroom.

“I don’t deserve you. I’m serious,” he’s now even more out of it, his head foggy and eyes barely taking in your blurry figure. “I’m sorry I’ve been an ass to you. I don’t want you to think I hate you.”

“I don’t think you--”

“I heard you,” his voice takes on a painful tone, tears gathering in his eyes as he feels himself beginning to pass out. “I-I heard you last week. Crying,” he grunts, fighting to keep himself awake for one more sentence. “I just want to say sorry. If anything-if I don’t wake up,” he whispers, and you shake your head, willing him to shut up. “No, I need to say this… pl-please,” you look up at him, terrified and unable to keep your emotions at bay. “You’re one of the most important people in my life, angel. I’m so-I’m so sorry I didn’t show you,” he places his bloody lips over your forehead, going limp seconds after.

“Sweet! Not on my fucking watch! No!” You shake your head, quickly sitting him down in the tub and checking his pulse.

“Okay, so you’re alive, and…” you stick a finger under his nose and sigh. “And you’re breathing. Thank god,” you wipe the tears you didn’t realize made their way down your face and make quick work of cutting off his clothes. You soak a towel in cold water and gently rub his face with it, doing your best to wake him up. That doesn’t quite work, so you fill a bucket with cold water and bring it next to you.

“Sweets, come on,” you wipe your wet nose on the sleeve of your sweater, focusing solely on waking up your former best friend. “Please wake up. Please please please,” you splash his face with the icy water one, twice, three times. “Sweet Pea, PLEASE!” Fourth time’s the charm.

Sweet Pea sits up, gasping. He grabs your arm tightly, not aware of where he is for a few seconds. He breathes loudly, grunting in pain and eyes wide as it slowly hits him where he is.

“Sweets, it’s me. It’s me. You’re okay, you’re-oh my god, you’re okay,” you laugh softly, tears somehow once again making their way down your face as you manage to ignore the throbbing pain in your arm from Sweet Pea’s death grip.

“Y/N?” He looks at you, eyes blinking slowly and you’re scared he’s going to pass out again.

“It’s me. Can you do me two favours, Sweet Pea? Hm?” You smile at him and he just watches you, still unsure of his surroundings.  

“It’s Y/N. I’m going to need you to first let go of my arm. I’m going to need both hands to help you out, okay?” He nods and immediately lets go of your arm. You can’t quite feel your arm for a few seconds after and it scares you, but you try not to show it.

“Can you also stay awake for me? I’m going to fix you up a bit, but you have to stay awake for that part, alright?” You shake your arm around a bit, slowly regaining feeling in it as you try to get an answer from a very worn out Sweet Pea. You turn around and grab some medical tools and supplies, gathering everything you need to fix him up. “Darling you have a concussion and I need you to stay awake. Okay?”

“Where did my clothes go?” Sweet lets out a low cough, hoping to hide his pain.

“I cut them off because I need to stitch you up. I just need you to stay up for now, okay? You’re going to be okay, but please stay awake for a bit. I can’t give you any pain medication for the time being, but I’ll give you something to bite down on, okay?” You don’t hear any sort of response so you finally turn around, only to find Sweet Pea glaring at you. “What-what’s wrong?”

“Leave me, look after yourself,” he scoffs, shaking his head and looking straight ahead.

“What are you talking about?” You furrow your brows, setting everything on the floor and sitting on the ledge next to the grumpy.

“You have blood on your forehead, princess. What the hell happened to you?”

“What?” You think for a second and remember that the blood is there from Sweet Pea kissing you. But if he doesn’t remember, then maybe you won’t tell him. “Oh, it’s not mine. I’ll worry about it after I’m done with you.”

Sweet Pea rolls his eyes, anger flooding his system at the fact that even in a slightly unconscious state, his mind brought him here.  

“You can be mad at whatever you want, I don’t care. Just bite down on this and stay awake,” you whisper and hand him a folded piece of fabric, enough for him to bite down on and then some.

You wait for him to bite down before cleaning him up. Once you start, however, Pea is in an even worse mood than before. He curses and yells and slams his fist against the wall. Each stitch was a mission, each alcohol pad just as annoying for you as it was painful to him. When you’re finally done, Pea is a sweaty mess. He’s got bandages everywhere and as much as you want him to bathe, you figure it’s best that he wait.

“Stand up, please,” you wipe your forehead with the back of your hand, slightly smearing the blood from earlier.

“Seriously, what the hell happened to your forehead?” Sweet Pea grunts out and slowly stands, wanting to get this over with as fast as possible.

“You kissed my forehead earlier. You thought you were going to die,” you wet another towel and hold it up between you and Sweets, not wanting to get into it right now. “I’m going to give you a towel bath really quickly. You can take an actual shower sometime within the next couple of days.”

“What-I can. I can do it myself, that’s okay,” he holds his hand out and you roll your eyes, growing tired of his act.

“Listen to me. I don’t care what you think you can or can’t do. I don’t care that you secretly don’t hate me or whatever. All I care about right now is fixing you up. Okay? You can argue with me or yell at me or whatever afterwards. Got it?” You raise a brow and Sweet Pea visibly gulps.

“Yes ma’am.”

“Good,” you gently run the towel across his front before wetting another one and cleaning his back. You know that he’s hurt, that he’s angry, but holy fuck is Sweet Pea an incredibly beautiful man: those broad shoulders, those pouty lips, the absolute size of him. It’s so hard to maintain your composure in his presence. So you hold off on cleaning his lower half for as long as you can.

“Would you like to sit down now or do you want to remain standing?” You look up at Sweet Pea, a soft look in his eyes as he watches you clean him up.

“I’ll sit down,” he clears his throat, eyes quickly going back to stone cold.

You nod, letting him get situated as you spend more time than necessary grabbing a new towel. You take a deep breath and turn around, slowly leaning over to run a towel over Sweet’s massive thighs. You’re careful not to cross any lines, keeping your touch light and respectful. Little do you know, that’s killing Sweet Pea more than he’d ever admit. He’s watching you just barely touch him, just barely out of reach.

“I think that’s enough,” Sweet growls out and you nod, eyes wide as you stand up and take a step away.

“Here. Finish up. I’ll be back in no more than five minutes with a change of clothes for you. I’m keeping you awake for another hour and then you can sleep. Okay?”

He nods, fighting to keep his emotions, his lust at bay. You give him a nod in return before cleaning up your supplies and heading out the door.

“Y/N, wait,” you turn around, quickly checking to see if he was okay.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah,” he wets his hand a bit and reaches it towards your forehead, wiping the blood off with a swipe of his large hand. “You just missed a bit of my blood.”

“Thanks, Pea,” you smile softly and turn around, heading to your bedroom. You change as fast as you can, leaving behind your booger sweater in exchange for a pair of shorts and a large t-shirt.

Sweet Pea would always come to you with dirty, ripped clothes, so you figured you’d buy a few extra sets of men’s pajamas and shirts (asides from your own collection) just in case he ever needed some. And here you are. You grab him a pair of pajama pants and a t-shirt you hoped would fit him and make your way to the bathroom.

“Ready or not, here I come,” you walk into the bathroom and are met with a relaxed, naked Sweet Pea. “Sweet!” Your eyes go wide and you hold the clothes in front him as you fight to keep your eyes on his face, his massive dick obviously distracting the fuck out of you. God damn. You try to catch your breath before speaking out again. “What is-why are you naked, Sweet Pea?”

“I cleaned myself up and my briefs were dirty,” he shrugs casually, remaining unaffected.

“Alright, well. I have some extra clothes but no extra briefs or boxers, but here,” you hand him the clothes and turn around, facing away from him. “Hurry up and change.”

You and Sweet were inseparable all throughout childhood, everyone (including you) thought you two would end up together. But as you got older, that fantasy faded away and while everyone was upset about it, no one quite new how you felt about it. He’d always have your heart, through the pain, the anger, the--

“Changed,” you hear a grunt and turn around, holy hell is Sweet Pea a sight for sore eyes. Bruised, cut, bloodied, and still looking incredibly scrumptious. “Yeah, I’m not much of a shirt guy, and besides, I can’t quite get it over my head.”

“It’s, it’s okay,” you shake your head and look down, unable to meet Sweet’s eyes.

He watches you, unable to look away. You walk over to him and wrap one of his arms over your shoulder, still avoiding his piercing gaze.

“Come on, big guy. You need some sleep,” you walk him over to your bedroom and tuck him into your bed. “I’m going to grab a bottle of water and some Tylenol for you, okay? I’ll be right back.”

Sweet Pea lays down, fighting off sleep as he waits for you.

“Here,” you sit at the edge of your bed and hand him a couple pills and a bottle of water. “Take this.”

He does as you ask, wincing as he swallows it all down.

“What happened? Is there something in your throat?” You sit up, pushing his hair out of his face as you look at him worriedly.

“No,” he smiles softly at your reaction. “My throat just hurts a bit.”

“You’ve been stabbed, punched, and sliced, and you’re here wincing over a sore throat?” You give him a smile and sigh softly, your fingers still resting against his forehead. “Well, um, now that you’ve taken your medicine, it’s time to rest. You can sleep, but I’ll be waking you up every few hours just to y’know, make sure you’re still alive and all.”

“Thanks, won’t you, uh, won’t you be sleeping?” He gives you a worried look and you shrug, avoiding Sweet Pea.

“I’ll sleep later. You need to get some rest for now. I’ll be right,” you get off the bed and pull a chair, placing it on the bedside. “Right here.”

“Gonna watch me sleep, huh?” He raises a brow at you, a small smirk on his face as your cheeks grow red.

“Don’t flatter yourself, Sweetie. I’ve got better things to do,” you wink at him and pull out a book, letting the bit of light streaming through the open door help you out.

“Your glasses are crooked,” Pea smiles at you, growing more sleepy by the second. He watches you straighten out your round glasses, balancing them perfectly on your nose. He watches the way the light hits you at just the right angle, creating a halo around you as though you’re the most beautiful angel sent down just for him. He watches the way you cross your legs over one another, bottom lip between your teeth while your eyes skim across the pages of your book. There’s so many things he wants to say, but he settles on the following: “You look like a sexy librarian. I’d hit it.”

“Sweet Pea, what--?” You look up to respond to him properly, only for him to be passed out. You shake your head, begging your heart to calm down. He’s out of it, that all. He’s not actually into you.

Throughout the night, you check up on him. You wake up a very grumpy Sweet Pea every three hours, making sure he’s alive. About an hour before the third time, you realize there’s no way you can stay awake without some caffeine. So you leave Sweet’s bedside to make yourself an extra strong pot of coffee.

You rub your eyes, yawning as you enter the kitchen. All your senses are off, so you don’t hear Sweet Pea waking up seconds after you leave him. You don’t hear him following you into the kitchen.

So when you start brewing the coffee and you feel someone standing behind you, you’re caught off guard. You grab the closest weapon you can find (a knife) and turn around to fight off a potential attacker.

“Whoa, it’s just me,” Sweet Pea’s tired eyes widen a bit as he notices the knife you’ve got so close to his throat. “It’s me.”

“Shit, Sweets,” you shake your head, setting the knife down on the counter next to you. “You scared the crap out of me.”

“Clearly,” he chuckles softly, his voice husky as he rubs his eyes, adjusting to the bit of light seeping through the windows.

“I was just tired, I didn’t think I’d make it for another few hours, so I’m making coffee. How are you feeling?” You lift a hand and press it against his forehead, Sweet’s heart warms at the action and his defenses flare up.

“I’m feeling a lot better, thanks to you. I’ll be out of your hair now,” he takes a step back and you grab his arm, stopping any further moment.

“Oh Sweets you’ve got another thing coming for you if you think I’m letting you out of my sight for another 36 hours,” he raises a brow at you and you mirror his actions. “Do you want me to list off all the things wrong with you at the moment?”

“Do you want me to list all the things wrong with you? Was last time not enough for you?” He smirks, face hardening as his self-hatred comes out yet again.

“Give me your worst. You’re getting out of this house over my dead body,” you glare at him, your eyes hardening as he thinks of his next move. “So unless you kill me, you’re stuck here.”

“Y/N,” he grits out, a hand quickly moving up and tightening around your throat. “Don’t tempt me.”

“Sweets,” you give him a smirk, the grip around your throat doing nothing but arousing you. “Don’t start something you can’t finish.”

His eyes darken as he realizes the effect he has on you, grip tightening around your neck and your eyes soon matching his, half-lidded and angry.

“You’re hurt, try again when it’s a fair fight,” you whisper gruffly, smirk still on your lips as Sweet Pea can’t get his eyes off of you. “Now if you’re not going to actually go through and kill me, I’d suggest removing your hand from around my throat. You’ve already given me one bruise.”

“What?” His hand immediately moves, eyes widening at your stone cold gaze.

“Here,” you raise your right arm, one clear purple handprint along your forearm.

“When the hell did that happen?” Sweet’s brows are furrowed fingers in fists as he looks at you. “After you woke up in my bathtub. You didn’t know what was happening.”

“Fucking hell,” he looks like the bruise is eating at his insides, so you just shrug and do your best to downplay it.

“It looks worse than it is, don’t worry.”

An alarm goes off behind you and you let out a breath of relief.

“Coffee’s ready, which means I will be, too,” you turn your back to Sweet Pea, expecting him to keep arguing but you hear nothing. “Sweets?” You turn around and see him with a sullen look on your face. “What is it now?”

“I hurt you. I physically hurt you,” he shakes his head, moving to punch the wall, but you stand in front of him, catching his fist in both your hands. “What the hell are you thinking?”

“Making my job easier. One less piece of you to bandage,” you give him a playful smile and hold his fist as he looks at you incredulously.

“I could have hurt you. Again.”

“Don’t beat yourself up over this,” you shrug a bit and look at him. “It doesn’t hurt that bad.”

“Really?” He grabs your bruised arm with his free hand and you hold your breath, not willing to give him the satisfaction.

“It’s fine.”

“How bad does it hurt? I’m barely holding it,” now he’s really worried.

“It doesn’t hurt too bad. You just, you just have a strong grip,” you gulp as he tightens his hold on you just a tad, not enough to squeeze you just enough to study your arm.

“Your arm is swollen. You might need to go to the doctor, Y/N.”

“Not happening, Sweets,” you shake your head, eyes wide as soon as the suggestion leaves his mouth. “I’ll take care of it myself.”

“Fuck, I did this,” he whispers to himself, twisting your arm a bit before you let out a quiet scream. “What? What is it?”

“I lied. It hurts.”

His eyes widen as he notices the unshed tears in yours. You don’t notice them until he curses under his breath and tries to take a step back, but you’ve still got a hold on his fist.

“You’re not leaving, we’ve gone over this.”

“Damn it, Y/N you’ve got this hero complex and I’m tired of you fulfilling it with me. You’ve got this odd fascination with fixing me and using that to boost your damn ego,” Sweet Pea pulls his hand out of your touch, words filled with venom and eyes filled with pain and you’ve had enough of it.

“Look, dumbass. I’m tired of you using me as your punching bag,” you grit out, walking forward and pushing him back. “I’m tired of you yelling at me every time I try to take care of you, every time I ask for a small inkling of whatever friendship we used to have. You used to be my best fucking friend. You meant everything to me. Everything, Sweet Pea. And then one day you just stopped coming in. You stopped smiling. You stopped checking in to see if I was okay. You didn’t come to my parents’ funeral. You didn’t come to see me after the Ghoulies jumped me. It’s like I was dead to you,” you glare at him, full on sobbing at this point. “You didn’t care about me until I could be of use to you. You didn’t care about me until you thought you were dying. You scare the crap out of me every time you’re here. I’m scared I’m gonna lose the person that once meant everything to me. I’m scared I’m going to lose you. Even now, I’m scared of losing you. I know you hate me. I get it. But I’m not letting you fucking go. So go ahead. Say any horrible thing about me you can think of. Tell me you wish I was dead, whatever. Torture the fuck out of me. I don’t care. You’re not fucking leaving.”

You wipe your tears with the backs of your hands, growing tired and out of breath.

“Just… you can leave in 36 hours. I’m keeping an eye on you until your concussion hours are over and then it’s up to you what you want to do.

And so 36 hours pass without a word between the two of you, each too tired and too hurt to find the words. Once his time is up, Sweet Pea is ready to walk out that door. He swears he is. He swears he’s never coming back. But he’s tired of the mistakes. He’s tired of the pain. He’s tired of his own lies. So he shuts the door just as quickly as he opens it and runs to your room, panting as he stops a few feet away from you.

“What is it?” You sniffle, thinking this might be the last time you get to see him.

“Y/N, I,” Sweet Pea whispers, taking in your tired face and soft voice, hating himself for putting you through this and not helping you through this. He shakes his head a bit, slow tears gathering in his eyes as he tries to get some words out. He bites his lip, kneeling on the floor right in front of you with his head down and shoulders shaking. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. So so sorry.”

[intriga-hounds]

Hello! I wanted to pop in and ask you some technical questions. How did you go about finding your breeder for Sivi? And, if you don't mind me asking, how much was he? What was the paper work like to get him? Thanks so much! Hope you're having a great day! Give Sivi some scratches for me!

Hi!!!!!! I’m going to have to start off by saying that I don’t think my breeder was the typical silken breeder LOL………within a few minutes of talking to me, she decided I could have a puppy and even that I could choose him myself. Which is not really typical. A lot of breeders have a questionnaire for you to fill out, or have to know you, and most of them will choose your puppy FOR you, which tbh is what I expected and what I wanted. Some of it had to do with my breeder’s personality–she’s just extremely laid-back–but a lot, I think, had to do with her current circumstances. After Sivi’s mom got pregnant, my breeder had to deal with a wave of tragedy. She lost her brother, for one thing, shortly after the puppies were born. She was also taking care of her father. She already had suffered the recent loss of her mother and was taking care of her husband, who had a brain aneurysm some time ago. Then while still looking for homes for puppies, she dislocated her shoulder. She also discovered one puppy had a problem with one of his eyes. So tbh I don’t think her situation was at all typical. Also, I found her quite by chance. She posted on the Silken Windhound Puppies page on FB that she was about to have a litter of ten. Pretty much no one knew about it bc her presence in the silken world is pretty quiet. This was her first, and probably only, litter. 

But the mama (Morgandell Sunrise Surprise) was a puppy from two dogs I really liked and had stared at longingly on the internet haha…….it did feel a little meant to be, considering her location, timing, and my current living situation. I messaged Leslie about the litter, I visited 4-5 times while the puppies were growing up, and I chose Sivi because he was one of only two pups that really seemed to want to engage with me on a consistent basis. The other pup who always wanted my attention was a little Too Much and Leslie assured me that he was going to be a handful, so I went with Sivi, who was more toned down, while still maintaining that confidence and sociability I liked. They were, of course, all really sweet dogs and it was hard to make a decision, especially since I had over half the litter to choose from! 

Anyway, I think what you can typically expect is to message/email a few different breeders, fill out questionnaires, talk a lot with the breeders you like best, and wait a at least a few months for the right puppy. Sivi was $1500 and that is pretty typical. Some go for less, some go for more, some even go for free, but I usually see it around $1500. Sivi does have a brother who would go for much less, though, since he’s partially blind in one eye. Anywayyyyy that’s enough rambling. Best thing to do would be to join all the silken pages on FB and scope out breeders and owners in your area. If you post asking to meet silkens, people are usually very excited to meet you and let you see their dogs. Another good person to ask on Tumblr would be @silkenagentsofcsbeck, who is a silken breeder in PA. He is who @bandizoi got Obie from!!! You can also talk to @crawshayi about her experience; she has one of Sivi’s sisters, but had her shipped up to Washington state! If you wanna chat off anon and lmk where you’re located, I can also let you know if I’m aware of any breeders near you. 

Overall, I’m very green when it comes to silkens, and even owning dogs in general, so go out there and start talking to lots of people!!!

EDIT: I’m gonna add @the-pasta-pack who has a puppy from Clayborn and @inautumndays who has two from Satsuma and @ofcarnivora I just realized I don’t know where Pod is from, but those are some other people off the top of my head who own silkens! Lots more around here too. :)