#anywayssss feeling things etc. etc.

[feeisamarshmallow]

having thoughts n feelings about being aroace tonight folks

[fqiryspit]

tysmmm ☝🏽 angst is my only therapy 💀 anywayssss smut 29 77 and 5 ??? 😭 if you dont mind, love 🤞🏽

ofccc i dont mind babes! thank you so much for requesting and angst 4 life 💔😭 thank you for requesting again!!! <333

29 77 and 5 =“Do you want my fingers?” “Touch me there. Right there.” + calling you late at night to come over |fqiryspits 3k event|

eren x fem!reader. cw: fwb, pussy kisses♡, fingering, reader touches herself, stomach bulge, etc.

you rolled over, soft purple from your led lights falling over your exposed skin from only wearing shorts and a tank top

you read the message over and over, feeling giddier and giddier each time

can u come over?

this motherfucker.

you grinned as you typed back "ofc" before throwing your phone on your bed and looking for your shoes and keys.

once you're there and slamming your fist into his door, he opens and immediately kisses you

sliding you into his apartment he closes the door without breaking the kiss, he cups your face as he detaches and smiles, strawberry lipgloss smeared on his lips messily

"missed you"

"seemed like it"

he shut you up with another kiss, and you forgot out good it felt to be kissed by him. like you're the only thing that matters, it's needy but slow like he's trying to show you how much he wants you

you walked while kissing over to his bedroom, he gave a couple taps on your thigh and you hopped right onto him

as he laid your back on his fresh white sheets and tugged at your crop top n shorts you suddenly found yourself naked and him just starting to work at his pants while shirtless

you rolled your eyes and moved over, stripping him of his pants and briefs before he could even blink

"you can't rip my clothes off then neatly take off yours" you giggled into a kiss, laying you back down while your teeth knocked from smiling

"so bossy" he cooed

"gonna fuck it right out of you" he tossed you onto your stomach and pulled your knees towards him spreading your cheeks out to see the strings of wetness on your pussy

"fuck, there she is" he moves his fingers over your slit as you whine and move toward him

"erreen"

"what do you want?" he revokes his hand completely and you huff, slipping your hand on your stomach and all the way to your cunt

"here. I want you to touch me right there" you say while tapping your finger on your hole

after you start to remove your hand just to feel a warm one halt your movements

"keep it there" he moves your hand toward your clit

"rub yourself while I do my shit" you feel yourself squeeze and start rubbing your clit while he moves closer to your cunt

"now,"

"do you want my fingers? is that what you're asking for?"

"mhmm"

you hear a pop and two wet fingers circling your pussy, he slips them in and you moan into the pillow, free hand gripping the sheets next to you

"did you get tighter, baby?" he babbles to himself, watching his fingers slide in and out of your wet hole

your wetness runs down his hands as he's knuckle deep in you, veins bursting out as he pumps you again and again. you press your clit harder and start rubbing yourself faster as he expertly fucks you with his digits

"c'mon, work yourself up for me" he whispers, moaning into his pillow as your cream spreads around his fingers

"did so good" he removes his joints and kisses your pussy as a reward

he rubs his soaked fingers around his cock and jerks it a couple times before rubbing it on your cunt

"ready?"

"mhm" and with that, he slides in, you can feel how he threw his head back and groans like he always does, man bun bobbing as his chest heavys

"fuck, I think you did get tighter" he lets out an airy laugh as you adjust to him

"that's what happens when you go off for weeks!" you match his laugh as he leans down on your arched back, kisses up your neck as you practically cum from that alone

"waited for me, baby?" he grins against your ear, and kisses it softly as he begins to move

"of course I did!" you slur, already going dizzy with how his cock slips in and out of your wet pussy

"good. I did to" him smiles and moves back down to your neck and begins to nibble at it

his hand rubs over your stomach, fingers moving up to map out where he is when he feels his bulge

he smacks his hips against you harder as he whispers "fuck, I'm deep baby...u'feel that?"

and with how you wail into the pillow he knows you fucking can, you feel every inch of him, he just wants to hear it from your lips

"yes! yesss!" he wraps his arms around you as your legs start to slip and slide from the force of him fucking you

he reaches up until he finds your tits and starts to grip on one for dear life, pulling and rubbing the nipple while you mewl like a cat in heat

his dick feels so deep, heavy balls smacking against your clit as you feel yourself unwinding

"e-eren...'gonna cumm" you whine as you feel your hair getting pulled back slightly, you already know how he loves to kiss you when you both cum so you turn your head to the side right when your orgasm hits he smashes his lips on yours and you both cum

both of you whine and moan into the kiss as you cum around his cock and he shoots his cum straight into your womb. after a moment of silence he pulls out and walks over to his bathroom, you heard his shower turn on and he walks over to you and kisses you, scooping you up and taking you to the bathroom where he'd wash you ❤︎

an: oooo i looooooooved writing this! thank you so much for the request babes! i love youuuu <333 btw I've never written reader getting it from behind in my life of fanfics (I'm pretty sure of it) sooo first time for everything <333

[khalixvitae]

vil is so "no talking stage. mutual obsession and you see god in my eyes or die a painful death." and rook is "all day talking stage about how obsessed i am with my most specialest girlfriend now cheer for her or ill blow this whole building up" and it's like yea man. shit. i see god in vil's eyes too. he haunts me. hate it when gnc men make me homosexual.

This is so accurate actually??? I’m working on smth for Vil rn and I’m trying to find a balance so I can convey that kind of 0 to 100 commitment. I keep going back to that line of his in book 5 about how he has no interest in strong arming people into bowing to him and how he prefers it when people do so on their own accord. Vil wants unwavering loyalty, but he also wants to be treated like a person rather than a two dimensional character. He just wants you to see him as the most perfect person to ever walk the earth- and that’s where seeing god in his eyes comes in. He needs to know he can trust you, not just because you’ve got some flighty crush on him- so does everyone else, get in line- but because you’re enamored with his whole being. This means being honest and upfront with him when he does something you disagree with, as well as refusing to shy away from hard truths he has to hear. He doesn’t want you to kiss his ass- honesty like that is a good measure of loyalty, and a foundation for any sort of relationship when he has millions of people obsessing over him. He needs to know you really mean it. It’s complicated, I guess. To me it seems like Vil would want you to level the playing field and treat him like any other person, but then choose him over everyone else in the world because you find him to be so perfect (all his baggage included). But I feel like the mutual connection and respect would be a start for the inevitable mutual pining. Vil is observant by nature and brutally honest to a point- if you reciprocate that without any sort of prompting, he’s going to take to you once he’s sure you’re not trying to get something out of him (just as he took to Rook). You’ll have to know him well to see that he’s in love with you. His affection comes in ways like hard truths big and small, inviting you to do extraordinarily mundane things with him (working out, a quick brunch, etc.), and cosmetics he’s formulated just for you. It’s exceedingly normal for the longest time- he has to know you won’t get bored of him, that you aren’t just interested in his public persona. If you know him that well and still fall head over heels, if you still find god in his eyes? Then he floors it. Or rather it‘s difficult to floor it when the two of you have already so deeply entangled your day to day lives. When did you two get this close? When did you learn so much about him without him telling you outright and Vice versa? Nonetheless it just escalates from there, because then Vil really wants to pick your brain- that mutual understanding gets far deeper far faster once the safety brake is disengaged.

ANYWAYSSSS LMAO I DIDNT. MEAN TO SAY ALL THQT ???? I JUST WOKE UP HAHA ??? THANK YOU FOR YOUR WORDS ANON HEHE HOO !!! YOURE INSIPIRING ME!!!

I am also so very homosexual for gnc men!!!!

[spaceratprodigy]

Let's hear about that Pride & Prejudice AU bestie 💖🧡

Anyone that's known me for a long time knows that no matter what, I will find a way to make a Pride & Prejudice AU with OCs 😤

This particular iteration is my favorite tho! This time around we have crafted a P&P AU focused on Faith and Rhea ( @captastra ) meeting and falling in love with Max and Felix 👀

I have admittedly been very slow getting around to it, but it has genuinely been one of the biggest things I have been wanting to work on for months. But, you know how it is, not having the time to dedicate to this project was a big factor and it's probably gonna be even longer until I get to it now that I'm moving out and have to get a new desk and set up my workspace.

And, truthfully, I am very very excited about this one and I really want to take my time and put the love into it!! It is 100% absolutely one of the highest things on my to-do list and it's never stopped rotating in my brain.

ANYWAY ON TO WHAT I HAVE PLANNED

Sooooo, I have 4 small illustrations so far that I really want to make :]

Nothing super massive and extravagant right now, just a set I haven't been able to get out of my mind regarding different interactions!

The more fleshed out concepts I have are for a Faith and Rhea interaction and a Max and Felix interaction. Both separate but meant to mirror each other!

For Faith and Rhea I was thinking about them late at night, soft lighting, maybe they're laying in bed together, but they're very excitedly talking about the lads they met and how dashing they are and what the interactions they had with them were like and whether or not some feelings had been sparked, etc etc.

For Max and Felix, the conversation is the same but about the gals! I have a vague idea of the setting I want to draw them in, but I haven't fully decided yet. I really like the idea of Felix head over heels for Rhea and asking Max for advice on how to approach her again. I feel like he just really doesn't want to mess this one up 🥺 I also like the idea of Felix pestering Max on his thoughts about Faith, and Max being very avoidant, not wanting to answer, but also not being able to hide that people noticed he couldn't take his eyes off of her 😌💅

The other two drawings I want to make are obviously some lil Faith/Max and Rhea/Felix illustrations 💖💕 but I haven't fully decided what I want to go with for those! I have a few ideas, but those I really want to discuss and plan out privately 🤭 definitely super excited to work on those!!

And let's be honest.. I kind of want to make even more with P&P AU, but small steps lmao don't want to overwhelm myself. It's always gonna be there to come back to! No promises that I'll dabble in trying to write out some things more eloquently, it's just so much easier for me to express my ideas through visuals! Plus I just really love drawing romance things 😩

There's so many interactions we can explore! But even more exciting! I want to explore different outfits for them because I mean c'mon they are all going to look SO darling!

I think I said so in private but I'm still bouncing back and forth between wanting a strict period setting or if I wanna be loosey goosey and incorporate some space themes to the designs and environments. Both just sound so very fun to me to get to work with.

Okay maybe I should stop now because I think I will just want to keep rambling about P&P AU things 😭

Anywayssss 💅 go show @captastra some love!! So wonderful, delightful, creative, and an absolutely brilliant writer 💖💕

Thank you for letting me incorporate Rhea and Felix into this AU, you already know how excited I am to bring them to life 🥰

[autisticempathydaemon]

Hello hello! I would love a matchup!

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why? - Playing with Bad Luck by Set it Off ... Its a kinda day/ its a kinda week/ Its a kinda year/ When you cut and paste/ When you're on your knees/ When you're out of tears (damn)/ examine every scar. i'm auditing my karma/ something just ain't adding up/ it's close, but no cigar/ i'm dancing in the dark cause/ every light keeps shutting off/ i'm playing with bad luck

What is your Enneagram type? - I'm an 8w7! also an ISFJ personality type

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.- I created a lot of stories and characters as a kid, most of them were knights or huge creatures

What is your go-to way to fall asleep? - I usually have a cup of tea and sit with my dog. On nights where I can't get my brain to shut up I'll play audiobooks/redacted sleep aid lol

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why? - Okay but something about the comfort/ reverse comfort audios hit a place in my heart I didn't think was in me. Like, I get why I like the healing audio cause the listener is getting doted on, and that's cute. (No matter how many times I listen to Gavin's comfort audios I will sob every time) But when I listen to a reverse comfort, it makes me love a character even more. Like the fact that they trust their listener (i.e., David breaking down, Gavin giving bits and pieces of his past to freelancer/ breaking down in the inversion, Milo injured, etc), makes my heart swell.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.) - Okay, the character is made for the audience to not really like them, but Marcus (Project Meridian) sets a wave of anger in me I could never begin to explain like the manipulation tactics and gaslighting make me want to murder someone, BUT SOMEHOW IM LIKE "Oh I like Vega" which don't get me wrong also hate Vega at times but the way he acts with warden makes me love him

Tell me about that one book/movie/TV show you know all the words to. - does Redacted count "just gotta say ding dong the witch is dead fucking goes off and you better promise to play that at my funeral ALSO unrelated macho man unironically fucking goes off AND YOU KNOW WHAT actually IT IS related because you absolutely need to promise to play that at my funeral too back to back Macho man immediately followed by ding dong the witch is dead what do you say?" .... don't ask BUT IF NOT I also know pirates of the caribbean, the Grinch (live action), Mitchells vs the machines, Monty Python and the holy grail, too name a few

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend? - OH MY GOD CAN VINCENT BE MY BESTIE (obvi also love ash and guy but let me explain) Okay vincent is one of those guys who's sarcasm is top notch like homie could roast anyone without a second to waste. Also I feel like I could literally sit in silence with Vincent and it not feel awkward yknow

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.) okay, I will ramble about history like there is no tomorrow. for example, did you know that Constantine the Great considered himself such a great Christian that he called himself the "13th Apostle" on his tomb (which very few people have been able to see because you have to be closely enough related to him to enter) he didn't write his name on his coffin instead it says 13th apostle also he put the remains of the other apostles in his tomb because "he deserved it" ......anywayssss

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo. - flaming hot Cheetos and a sprite reset my life in a way that makes me want to achieve my dreams

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. - The Balance, its so beautifully made, starting with a close experience to death, to cult antics, to AN UNEXPECTED CROSSOVER. its just made sooooooooooooo well

What’s your guilty pleasure in media, and why? - Okay cringy middle school emo/ animatic music from my past is engrained into my brain

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are! - i'm 5'2 and the youngest of a big family. I'm an artist and currently working on an illustration degree. I love love love voice acting. Thats about it! THANKS

You gave me so much to work with here, and yet it was a challenge. Like, I could have gone in so many directions. I think you could work so well with so many of the boys, but ultimately, it had to be Asher.

Your submission gives me the vibe of someone who’s loyal, unique, and confident, who knows what they’re about and always has something interesting to say even if you’re not particularly extroverted. I like the idea of pairing Asher with you because he would perfectly uplift you, pulling you out of your shell and giving you the stage to shine while also knowing when to take the reins and support you, in your education, social situations, whenever.

Your life would be so genuinely fun together- not just because Asher’s so fun as a dude but because y’all have so much in common. You two would have the same taste in music (that FOB fan boy) and pop culture. You’d be the tea drinker to his Monster Energy vibes, the perfect balance in the house to feed his bubbly nature but also ground him. Also, Asher should totally have a dog he can play with, so it’s even more perfect.

Song:

If you don't swim, you'll drown/ But don't move, honey/ You look so perfect standing there/ In my American Apparel underwear/ And I know now, that I'm so down/ Your lipstick stain is a work of arts I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart/ And I know now, that I'm so down

5SOS seems like just the sort of group y’all and Asher would like now, the group that was pop-punk adjacent and has evolved with its audience. This track in particular is a classic, and I can see Asher totally jamming out to this in the car, air-guitaring at red lights, and demanding applause from you when he’s done (which you’d give because he’s just that cute).

Runner-Ups:

Like I said, there were so many boys that could have been matched with you, so there were also too many options for runner-ups! I settled on Anton because he’d be so cute with a tea-drinking dog lover. He deserves a puppy and a partner who makes them a pot to share. I also like you with Guy because an artist and writer couple is just too cute to pass up.

note: thank you for waiting 🖤

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[an-abyss-of-stars]

✨He Saw Her At Daybreak✨ UPDATE:

SOOOOOOO I'm actually about mid-way ish through this chapter, I've got about 10k words down right now, and there's probably another 10-15k to go 🤣🤣🙌🏽

Honestly this chapter has ALOT OF WORLD-BUILDING in it! I feel like I've mentioned this in a post before, or maybe just in a couple of comments on ao3. But the gist of it is, since this fic has become a fully fledged story by now 🤣 like I know it started a fluffy smut, but at this point the tags might need some altering, because there very much is a PLOT here 😂😂 like I've planned out plot lines just as equally as I'm planning out where to place certain kinks and sex scenes 😂😂

But in either case, since this is a married Rhaemond fic, and I've given them Dragonstone to rule over. I've decided that I wanted to play around with that, let Dragonstone have a functioning court (so there will be nobles from other houses who stay there, Rhaena is going to have 4 ladies-in-waiting so she has some companions when Aemond isn't around...), I've also created two towns that exist on the island and a Valyrian military post. So that way there's things to do here! Things that exist outside of the castle itself. Like now there will be ancestral towns to visit, and temples to frequent for ceremonies and rituals, townspeople to hear from for petitions and hearings...etc. it's like this little functioning slice of a modern Valyria, and I think it's cool!

Plus once all of the babies are old enough to be running around causing chaos, it'll give them places to go and shit to wreck 😂😂😂 the amount of complaints Rhaemond will be receiving once their kids are old enough to sneak out, running amok in town with the commoners.

Anywayssss, so just be prepared for THAT! This upcoming chapter is of course moving forward with Rhaemond now Lording over Dragonstone, but because of that, a lot of new information and characters will be thrown your way/explored. And I hope that's fun!!

[livealittleoc-cb]

𝐒𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐡𝐰𝐚 : how abooout E, N, S & V for my Jay

E ─ Experimenting. Are they willing to experiment new things ?  Is there something they’d like to try with their partner, but haven’t had the chance yet ?  Any experiments gone wrong ?

⭐️: admin will be answering these cause Jay got flustered enough to burn a hole into a table!~

💀: NOT TRUE!

⭐️: Anywayssss~ She definitely open for experimenting, literally anything as long at it’s not weird feet stuff or wasteplay/watersports! Something she’ll like to try is definitely things with ropes and wax play…maybe things with knives if Hwa is open to it… experiments with others? None cause she’s still a virgin! With herself? The rope mishap 🤧

N ─ Nudes. Do they send them to each other ?  Do they save them on their phones ?  Do they keep them to themselves, or do they show them to their friends ?  Have they ever sent one to a wrong number ?  

⭐️: I can see them sending them to each other but when Jay and of course Hwa feel the up most comfortable! I can see Hwa saving them and Jay saving them when she’s in a real mood. Definitely keeping it to themselves and nope cause Jay takes them and instantly deletes them, unless she has a person she’s gonna send them to~ 👀

S ─ Spanking. Is this one of their kinks ?  If yes, who’s the spanker and who’s the spankee ?  Any favourite positions ?  Do they use just the hand or any other spanking implements  ( like the paddle, belt, whip, hairbrush, etc… ) ?

⭐️: She definitely likes spanking and being spanked 🤧 she’s open to doing spanking but only if she’s in the right headspace comfortable. If she’s getting spanked I think she’ll like it more in either missionary or doggy 🤔 definitely any implement is accepted 🤭

V ─ Video call. Have they ever shared a sexy moment with each other during a video call ? What were the circumstances ( long distance, trying to cheer up/tease the other while at work, etc… ) ?  Did they enjoy it ?

⭐️: I can see Hwa and Jay doing video calls a lot actually! Jay tends to have to go down to Hell a lot so they might have certain times they don’t get to see each other but definitely would do it also if the other seems sad or to tease the other! I definitely think they would enjoy it 🤔

[ina-nis]

Sorry to hear about your therapist and also thank you. In the mind of another suffering from similar problems I relate to a lot of why therapy is triggering and somewhat unhelpful at times because you KNOW why your there and have cycled through all the possible realities/possibilities of how you got there and how you continue to stay in certain headspaces etc and now your face-to-face with the so-called end all be all of crying out for help and a chance at sanity. It is all quite dramatic but what avoidant brain deems it isn’t? Anywayssss I wanted to ask if you’ve heard or thought about other types of therapy that aren’t just speaking and talking and trying to “feel” and logically move around your own mental barriers like somatic therapy? Shit that brings you back to the beginning when other feels than worthlessness, emptiness, loneliness, depression, etc settled in that are now quite snug in your psyche yk. I’ve heard it helps for the ~selfaware~.

Yeah, unfortunately I noticed that therapy isn't helping much by itself, and I tried 3 different approaches of talking therapy to try treating AvPD (including group therapy twice) and what I noticed was like... how do I even put this? The symptoms got worse over time???

I first noticed something was very, very wrong with me during group therapy actually! I researched some and found about Avoidant PD.

I'm pretty sure I'm really resistant to any kind of behaviour/cognitive approach because, without external feedback, it makes sense that my brain is just like "whatever, shit's fucked anyway" and I get stuck. The external feedback I get from therapy is not a substitute to relationships outside of a treatment setting so... yeah, sure, therapy will help me get to the point where I'm able to establish these other relationships except it's making things worse for the moment.

I'd love to try different treatments and therapy approaches, I've heard hypnosis can be a good one, same with EMDR too. They might not work for AvPD itself, but at this point anything goes to be honest.

You know that phrase "ignorance is bliss"? That is very much true! The more I became self-aware, the more I researched, the more I tried to look for answers and solutions; the more miserable and desperate I became, the harder it got to get out of my head, to the point where I feel like I really can't escape. I'm sure that also makes treatment much harder and with higher chances of not working for me, but it is what it is.

It's funny that you mention Somatic Therapy because in my life, I already do many things with my body, a lot of my hobbies include physical activities and yes, they work, they're things I'm passionate about and they also help me cope. I wonder how that would go in a therapy setting.

[taegularities]

THE CHAPTER WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AHHDKWKEODO LIKE THOSE 2 R SO IN LOVE IT MAKES ME SICK ANYWAYSSSS I have a theory… maybe… i see a lot of ppl saying they think jungkook is seeing someone else etc etc but idk hes so caring of oc and careful with her that i doubt he is seeing anyone else(cmi jaykay i swear if u are i will be at your door step🤨🤨) BUT I THINK JUNGKOOK IS GONNA TALK ABOUT THE DEAL AGAIN. hmm im gonna reread and try to find more clues🔎🔎 but i do think he’s gonna bring up the fake dating deal and they r gonna have like a semi serious talk about their feelings but i don’t think they r gonna confess next chapter AND i think the thing Jungkook’s brother was talking about is jaykay getting a tattoo of the flowers maybe🧐and that he might show oc his new tattoo (I hope it’s tattoo so bad but his brother did say “she’s gonna kill you” or something along that lines so it’s not looking too good) AND AND AND i think he’s gonna ask oc what color he should do for the flower tattoo HENCE the little quote thingy for the next chapter. or i could have missed the mark completely BUT WHO KNOWS AND TY AGAIN FOR THIS AMAZING CHAPTER WAS DEFINITELY WORTH THE WAIT AND WAS VERY VERY VERY WELL WRITTEN🫶🫶

and i think 🤔 i will be back with more theories i hav so i will call myself detective anon🔎🐻‍❄️

IKRRRRRR, IMAGINE HOW I FELT WRITING IT 😭 sick, truly sick.

ahhh important point right there! jungkook is so caring and careful with oc – he even knows when she's feeling shit and all, so would he really hurt her? but he's just a person, too, so who knows 😔

ABOUT THE DEAL, HUH? damn, that'd be a long ass talk with a lot of cute stuttering and looking down 🤣 and the damn tattoo. THE DAMN FLOWER TATTOO. yeah, his brother said something like "ohh, you're gonna die [when you get to know]" to her. though, her flower is a forget-me-not, so we can assume jk would know the colour! love how y'all share the same braincell LMAOO but ha ha we shall see x2 :D

U'RE VERY RIGHT, WHO KNOWS LOL AND THANK U SO MUCH, i appreciate ur words and the fact that u read it so carefully !! i cannot wait for more of ur theories, i loved this and u're an incredibly smart bean !!!! <333

[twinstarlovers]

Hii. So yeah I start my new job tmr as a behavior techhh! It’s kinda weird you don’t need experience, it’s actually very bad but hey… look at me 😭. I decided I don’t think ima do college because no. So yeah idk I explained but ima be going over a child’s house & be a one on one & give them services for those who has autism. Ima be starting off w one kid tho, I can add another case if I want or whatever. So I got a 4 year old girl & she lives 10 minutes away from me thank goodness, so convenient fr. Ima be working from 3-6 M-F. I will earn a lot more than my daycare for sure but because I’m starting off w one kid for 3 hours it’s only a $100 dollar difference but I’m working an hour less than my old daycare job. Anyways my last day wasn’t too hard. I’m not necessarily in my feminine energy rn so it was a little hard to process I was leaving & feeling emotional about it etc. but I am gonna miss the kids fr. I already do but new beginnings! Spiritually I’m not doing so well for my own reasons. I’m aware of it & im you know feeling all the consequences internally & externally a bit as well but letting go of certain things is very very difficult for me. Especially people (as you know lol). I understand I gotta learn the hard way & won’t let go unless I’m on the verge of losing my mind or dying & im not at that point yet & I know I don’t have to be but idk it’s just how I am. I think once I let go of this one thing, ‘paradise’ is on its way & I feel it but you know it’s just really difficult. I find it kinda cool that this new job is like carving out the path of what I want to really get into. I’ve always been in the mental health/psychology type of careers & i can’t imagine what my next job would be or the one after that yk, what doors can open just from this job. Idk it’s interesting to think about. I hate working tho. I rather be rich & help people for free than work for money for helping people. I mean that makes no sense tbh lol. But yeah I tried to a moon on my face but I fucked up & it ended being a half sun lol but I’ve been thinking about you a little but have been tryna ignore it… for my own reasons, has nothing to do w you. I know it’s not the way to go but idk, I think I’m just reallyyyy in my masculine energy & it’s been burning me out fr. But I’ve also been curious about you as much as I’ve been avoiding you at the same time lol it’s weird. But mmmm I’m seeing mom in June (Jhene Aiko) I’m sooo exciteddddd. Anyways I hope you are doing okay. I’ve been speaking to a ghost for years now it’s kinda funny but I know you see everything from my dreams & because sometimes I have urges to look through this page even tho ik what I be posting but it feels comforting? Idk. Anywayssss I’ll talk to you soon, bye bye 💟

[l-tora-l]

Okay but I totally demand to see this dress now if I'm honest. Eris for witness of the flower dress!!! It's kind of funny because my most extra clothing is a silver brocarde 50s Couture dress I got from this little second hand shop in London. I got it for much less because I was the only one who was able to actually fit in!

I think I do a lot of things every day but I get what you mean. I think something that stands out is that to at least try to get one thing done and go outside. It doesn't have to be on a walk but just sitting outside and drink a coffee. And making my bed is a mew thing I try to do. There are a lots of things I still need to improve tho.

Okay, 4 question: do you go out for a night out and if yes how does this usually looks?

I’ll try to find a way to take a picture of it! I can even tie a bow at the back( aaah I love bows as well it makes things look elegant😭) woahh that dress sounds so pretty omg and it sounds like such a nice story as well!!!

Although I think you’re perfect just the way you are, everyone changes with time and effort and I’m super happy and proud of you and your efforts it’s always difficult to implement new things into routine and that makes it all the more rewarding!<3

As for your question ive practically been Rapunzel my whole life 😭👍can’t go out anywhere without parental supervision even tho I’m old enough *sob sob* but going out at night seems like it’d be so exciting :0 I do remember tho going to someone’s house at night overseas like it’s a distinct memory that I have zero clue on how it stuck, or when I used to go to the mosque- BUT the closest thing that I can do is just go to the shopping centre/mall! I love shopping- I don’t even need to buy anything just going somewhere rlly takes my mind off things and it’s quite refreshing, tho night shopping is a whole different cool feeling! When we went to Malaysia for instance we would sometimes go to the twin towers mall at night and since it’s sooo large there’s always something new! Even in Dubai! I remember going to the malls there and it was always fun! There used to be these large aquarium things much like taiju restaurant and even tho I went when I was five and the fact I’m pretty bad at retaining early memories, I distinctly remembered that place when I went back! Also those indoor amusement parks were the coolest✨It’s a shame in Australia the shops close early tho :(

Help it’s probably a boring answer 😭😭😭but anywayssss

Question 4: what genre of story/ movie/ show etc. is your comfort or go-to?

[loustyles]

what happened with the therapist thing?

hi! harry clarified that his therapist is a woman and the interviewer suggested that it was a bad idea because 1) they would inevitably seduce each other (so wildly inappropriate) or 2) it wouldn’t be effective considering harry is a man and opening up in front of a woman is weak. (lmao)I honestly don’t have the energy to go into how disgusting & disrespectful every line of thought he has is. like! the implication that women as therapists can’t have male clients! is so deep in misogyny I don’t even know where to start! 

[imasimpforshanks]

Hello author! Can I ask for K and L for Sanji/Ace please. (Fluff) thankyou!

Fluff Alphabet - Portgas D. Ace

a/n: hiya!!!! Here is ace’s fluff alphabet! 💗I know you only asked for K & L but I hate only answering a few letters of these at a time LMAO 💀ALSOOOOO I’m going to Sanjis at some point too, because I got a lot more angst asks than fluff so yahhhh! Anywayssss hope you enjoy<3333

A-Activities (what do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?)

Ace absolutely loves to pull pranks on you AND he loves to pull pranks with you. Once a month you actually have an all-out prank war against one another where even the crew fear that they will be caught in the middle of it.

Oh, and true to his character, the two of you spend a lot of time eating food together. It’s very difficult for any normal human being to eat anything close to the amount Ace eats, so more often than not, it’s you staring at him in awe while he scoffs down another plate of food.

B-Beauty (what do they admire about their s/o? what do they think is beautiful about them?)

He finds your smile to be one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen, it’s even more beautiful when the smile is directed at him. The moment you smile at him everything else in the world seems to melt away. Ace does everything in his power to bring a smile to your face, because when you smile everything else seems to fall into place. (SO CLICHÉ I KNOW BUT IT’S TRUE!)

C-Comfort (how would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?)

His go to method of comfort is cuddles. He just wraps his arms around you and gives you lots of forehead kisses. He’ll say all these kind things about you and ask what you need from him. If you’re not sure, or if you don’t feel like talking, he’ll patiently wait until you’re ready to talk.

D-Dreams (how do they picture they future with their s/o?)

In every possible future he envisions, you are there. To Ace, there is no future unless you are with him. It’ll be the two of you living life to the absolute fullest, taking it day-by-day.

He isn’t too keen on having (biological) children as he doesn’t want them to be burdened with the blood of Gol D. Roger.

E-Equal (are they the dominant one in the relationship or rather passive?)

He tends to take the more dominant role in the relationship. It’s just his natural personality that seeps through, it’s truly not intentional. He’s confident and loud so there’s not really any way you can’t not listen to him. However, if you were to voice any opinions or comments, you’ve got all his attention!

F-Fight (would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?)

I talk about his fights with his s/o a little in his angst alphabet. Here it is again!

Fights with Ace, although they don’t happen often, can quickly get out of hand. He’s stubborn and his inability to accept that he’s not always right can cause a minor disagreement to escalate into an all-out fight. On a few occasions you have argued about him never turning his back on an opponent.

Your fights tend to be followed by cooldown time. Things can get quite heated (no pun intended) so you need some alone time and space to breathe. After that though, you comeback together and apologize.

G-Gratitude (how grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?)

Ace felt unloved and unwanted by the world growing up (save for Luffy and Sabo, oh and Dadan), so it was quite the change to experience the unconditional love you provided him. He will forever be grateful for what you have done for him, in fact, he’s so grateful about it that he can never shut up about it! Much like how he gushes about his ‘stupid kid brother’ to the Whitebeard Pirates, Ace will also never shut up about you to anyone he talks to. Your name somehow always makes its way into any conversation he has.

H-Honesty (do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?)

The only secret he kept from you was that he was the son of the Pirate King. He was scared that once you knew, you would view him differently. But over time he was able to see that that would never be the case. So, after telling you that, he never kept anything from you ever again. Ace actually finds sharing secrets with you to be a weight off his shoulders.

I-Inspiration (did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?)

You were another person that was able to show Ace he is worthy of being loved. It’s an insecurity of his that will probably never go away, but that’s okay because you’re more than happy to remind him daily.

J-Jealousy (do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?)

I talked about Ace’s jealousy in his angst alphabet! But I’ll go over it again here!

When he gets jealous he turns into such a man child. He’s pouting and moping around while mumbling to himself. He develops quite a petty attitude. If you were to ask him “want to go get something to eat?” he’d respond with “why don’t you just go and ask ____ for some food.” But, as soon as you begin commenting on how jealous he’s acting he’s going to deny it to the end of his days.

K-Kisses (are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?)

I feel as though I may give Ace a little too much credit when it comes to this because I want to think that he’d be one of those amazing kissers, like he just has a knack for it. But in reality, that probably wouldn’t be the case.

Ace is more likely to be quite an overexcited kisser. He’s keen and passionate, that’s for sure. But with your first kiss, he’s a little too keen and tries to move way to fast. After some calming down and a little bit of a giggle to one other he’s in the zone.

L-Love confession (how would they confess to their s/o?)

The two of you are just talking and he’s, unsurprisingly, brought up his brother, Luffy. What is surprising however, is when he tells you how badly he wants you guys to meet each other. Your first reaction was “yeah that stands to reason he wants all of us to meet luffy” but before you could say anything Ace is already going on like “yeah, I just can’t wait to have the two people I love most in the world meet. It’d be real cool” (or something along those lines and probably a little less cheesy LMAO). You just stare at him like “heh?” and he stares at you like “uhhhh… yeah I said what I said?”

M-Marriage (do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?)

Heck yeah, this dude wants to get married! Getting to show you off to everyone? Yes please! Getting to tell you in front of everyone he knows just how much he loves you? BIG YES. Oh, AND a big ass party afterwards? THIS DUDE CANNOT WAIT! Being able to marry you is one of his dreams, and he’s actually been thinking about since the first date you guys went on.

But, he’s really struggling with how to propose to you. He’s gone through every cliché in the book. A ring at the bottom of your glass, in your food, a carriage ride etc. They’re all great ideas but he doesn’t think they suit the dynamic of your relationship. So, he’s going to enlist the help of Whitebeard Pirates and create an elaborate prank (that has a 50/50 chance of going wrong but also still working out exactly as he wanted).

N-Nicknames (what do they call their s/o?)

He likes to call you hot stuff or baby. Initially, these nicknames resulted in a lot of teasing from the other whitebeard pirates but neither of you cared.

O-On cloud nine (what are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?)

Whitebeard and a few of the other division commanders are the first to notice. I mean, it’s not that hard… He is constantly bringing you up in every conversation (if you’re not there) and if you are there, they can’t even get his attention for a moment. You have his undivided attention! It isn’t until Marco or someone says “You’re down baddddd, Ace” that he’s like HUH?

P-PDA (are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?)

Ace loves PDA. He is all about kissing you in front of everyone else. So much so that you constantly get told to “get a room!”. Ace loves to show off his relationship with you to the whole wide world. He’s incredibly proud to have found someone that loves him wholeheartedly.

Q-Quirk (some random ability they have that is beneficial in a relationship?)

Well, thanks to his devil fruit, his body temperature tends to run pretty warm, so you have your own personal heater.

R-Romance (how romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?)

Ace is romantic in his own way, that’s for sure. He expresses his love through teasing and jokes, but also through quality time. He’s big on that. Making sure all his attention is on you so you know just how much he loves you.

S-Support (are they helping their s/o achieve their goals do they believe in them?)

He has so much faith in your ability to achieve your goals. He wants to be able to help you in any way he can, so if you come to him and ask for help, he would be absolutely ecstatic! Ace just wants to be a part of your success story (in the best way possible, I know some people only want to because then they get credited but that’s not why ace wants to do it at all! Nothing makes Ace happier than seeing those he loves achieve their goals).

T-Thrill (do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship or do they prefer certain routine?)

Your relationship is already spiced out enough as it is. He’s got an extremely mischievous personality so is constantly getting up to god knows what, and some how always manages to drag you into it. If anything, your relationship could do with a little more routine (but you both are extremely happy with the way it is).

U-Understanding (how good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?)

Ace is an extremely empathetic individual. He understands a lot more than most, just how awful negative emotions can be (whether that’s sadness, insecurity, anger etc.). So he is quick to your aid whenever something seems to wrong.

V-Value (how important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?)

All relationships in Ace’s life are extremely important to him. He even values them more than his own life. Your relationship is no exception. You’ve shown him love, and accepted him for who he truly is, so there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you and he makes that very clear every single day.

W-Wild card (a random fluff headcanon?)

He knows all your food orders off by heart. And when I say all your food orders, I mean ALL of them. He knows your food orders for each of your different moods. He memorised them pretty quickly so that he could surprise you with food regardless of your mood.

X-XOXO (Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?)

He is an extremely affectionate individual. Ace is practically attached to your hip at every possible moment. An arm will always be thrown around your waist or shoulders, and he literally wants to spend all day smothering you in kisses. He’s shameless when it comes to affection.

Y-Yearning (how will they cope when they are missing their partner?)

He copes by talking about you to EVERYONE. He tells the crew stories about you (mind you these are stories not only that they’ve heard multiple times, but they were also there to witness themselves). It gets to the point where even Whitebeard is like “ya know what Ace, you can go visit them.”

Z-Zeal (are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?)

As I said previously, all relationships in Ace’s life are extremely important to him. We saw what lengths he was willing to go to when Thatch was killed by Blackbeard, and you would be no different. In fact, Ace would be willing to do all of that and so much more, if it was for you.

[yesimwriting]

YALL WHAT SHOULD I WRITE FIRST

Okay!! so both of these are coming at some point!! i have some requests i’ve been working on and i’ve also been working on my original novel (that i hope to get published one day) but i really want to start working on one of my fairytale retellings/AUs(technically not more AU than a regular fic lol)/whatever you want to call them. 

But i can’t pick which one to do first!! 

- Beauty and the Beast retelling 

-Darkling/General Kirigan x reader currently,, but i’m willing to listen to arguments for making this more SOC based and Kaz Brekker x reader, but i think the beauty and the beast theme works better for more SAB based story

- currently focuses on the reader agreeing to take someone’s place as General Kirigan’s prisoner/someone that has to work for him

- I think the plot is going to focus on the reader being a powerful grisha which is part of the reason he took her (like a strong heartrender that can manipulate emotions really precisely,, still unsure if i’d rather her be just human) 

- the reader is low key really impressed with the Little Palace bc she grew up in poverty but she’s trying really hard not to be 

- the (slight) AU part is that Kirigan needs someone of ‘pure heart’ to fall for the person beneath the darkness to unlock more power than ever bc of an ancient curse  (and the person of ‘pure heart’ is the reader bc she has no ulterior motive to like him)

- but then he’s like!! i like her--oh no i like her 

- i see Genya as mrs potts lowkey like she knows that Kirigan wants to win the reader’s love and she’s like trying to help lol 

- Alina lowkey hyping up their connection 

- Reader being all sunshiney and a sweetheart who is literally immune to Kirigan’s angst 

- enemies to lovers excellence 

- jealous kirigan,, jealous kirigan,,, jealous kirigan 

- protective boyfriend vibes wayyy before they start dating lmao 

- honestly a lot of acting cute together but still being like ‘i hate u’ 

- Anastasia retelling 

- Kaz Brekker x reader

-  based lowkey more on the musical than the disney movie (the only real difference in the musical is that someone thinks about killing Anastasia for the Russian revolution)

- the plot would focus on the return of annual rumors of a princess that might have survived a massacre at the palace 

- i would create my own country in the grishaverse for the reader to be the princess of so that i can give it the history i need for my story 

- so you know how in Anastasia Dimitri worked at the palace and he saved Anastasia?? my idea for this one is that the Dregs were hired to kill the royal family that the reader is a part of and bc of what he considers a lapse of judgement, Kaz helps the reader escape bc she was the youngest there and they had an interaction that like tugged at him

- anywayssss.... fast forward years later and Kaz is as hardened as he is in the SOC books, he thinks that the princess he helped died anyways bc he saw her run off in the wrong direction

- but!! the princess’s royal grandmother is still looking for her and this year she’s offering more kruge than ever for the return of her missing granddaughter

- Kaz runs into the reader after she tries to pickpocket him and when he realizes that she’s an orphan that looks enough like Anastasia (same hair color, same eye color, etc) with amnesia he’s like ‘it’s perfect’ 

- the reader is like ?? i don’t know any royal traditions or anything about the royal family,, and also im indentured to this guy who is not going to like this

- and Kaz is like don’t worry about that guy 

- the reader is like ?? don’t worry--

- and he’s like yeahh,, i’ll pull some strings (he’s not really pulling strings, he’s paying for her time but he would never tell the reader that bc it makes her seem valuable and no one wants their time ‘purchased’)

- and then princess training starts!! the reader has to study on family history through textbooks but she still has like no formal etiquette skills and Kaz is like ‘i have a merchling that was part of high society, he can teach you table manners’ 

- Wylan is like you have a what now?? and Kaz is like shut up

- the reader agrees obviously bc Kaz is like i could kill you,, you did try to steal from me, but he’s also like ‘if you’re made a princess you can pay off your indenture and the indentures of your friends’ 

- lots of the crows being best friends with the reader in this one 

- the reader is a gifted medic but touching blood makes her feel ill bc of trauma 

- im thinking of making her a tailor to explain why she brought in so much money for the people she worked for (because she could make herself look like anyone’s type) but im thinking that subplot might complicate things but i do want her to be grisha so maybe a squaller?? idk 

- throughout the story im going to have Kaz think about how he lowkey regrets letting the girl go at the beginning bc it’s an unfinished job technically and bc the family was evil and they did bad by their people 

- reader realizes that she’s been romanticizing this family and that theyre actually bad and she’d rather just stay with the crows 

- kaz realizes he wants the reader to stay 

- both being too prideful to say anything until the reader is like ‘screw it’ but before she can tell kaz (the night before her coronation) kaz is like pls tell me you don’t think you’re her and the reader is like i said i wouldn’t lie to you

- and kaz is genuinely considering killing her to like finish what was started and bc he really hates that family (i’ll explain why he hates the family in the fic lol)

- enemies to lovers bc it’s my favorite,,

-  a lot of everyone being confused on how the reader is allowed to get away with half the stuff kaz allows and then whenever anyone is like YALL ARE ACTING LIKE A COUPLE the reader is like ??this is just how i act? and everyones like YEAH BUT KAZ DOESNT LET PEOPLE ACT LIKE THAT 

- and kaz is like i literally dont know what ur talking about i yelled at her this morning,, i promise i did, it’s not my fault u didn’t see it--i totally yelle--

--

yall i lowkey want to write both of these NOW but i need to learn impulse control pls,, help lol

AND I DIDNT EVEN TELL YALL ABOUT MY TANGLED  OR HADES&PERSEPHONE RETELLING IDEAS MUAHAHAHA PLS SOMEONE MAKE ME STOP IM SUCH A SIMP FOR RETELLINGS 

[yomiurinikei]

for system pride day,, u could write nikei being a system hcs,, also happy system pride day!! - from another system who really likes your stuff ^^

WAAA sorry this is so late i kept forgetting but hi i was genuinely so excited to get this i hope ur still following me/will see this if u weren't following to begin with!!!! happy (late) system pride to u too, i'm so glad u enjoy!!! (sorry if these aren't too cohesive, they were written in two big bouts after a big break inbetween, i hope it's not too obvious!)

edit: anywyas i'm working on compiling proof that every sdra character is part of a system /hj

~*~syskei hcs!

•ooooo okay hi. i was thinking abt different alters + their functions and i think i have some stuff? some ideas? to counter linujs inconsistencies with nikeis motivations. yes

•so! the reason we never learn nikeis backstory (in game explanation) is because the main fronter doesn't know anything! he has zero fucking clue what his childhood was,,, he vaguely remembers what utsuro saved him from, but frequently struggles with impostor syndrome

•becauseee unlike the other children of utsuro, he only vaguely remembers some big things, specific incidents when he got hurt, not "the big traumatic event"

•and he only realized he had did when the other children of utsuro worked it out with him, after a alter was triggered to front and had a meltdown.

•when nikei didn't remember it, and revealed that he's not even certain he didn't make up being saved by utsuro, they did some research on what could be happening!

•aaand they've worked out that: there's nikei, main fronter, with the personality we see in chapter 1, and then some control issues + need to feel in power, but a lot of insecurity, and again, imposter syndrome

•then, there's the alter we'd see in chapter 4, a protector who's main form of protecting is to take control over everything, feeling the need to manipulate everyone so that way they know no one will try and hurt them

•and! theresss at least one child alter, but nikei thinks there's a few more from different stages in his life

•he's only really identified the one child alter who split off to hold the traumatic memories of his backstory because. that's the only one the other children of utsuro have really noticed, and was the one mentioned earlier

•speaking of!! his being a system is vv covert. as a child, it was always all about following orders (lack of control) and so the system is used to just "okay. here's what we're gonna do, we're gonna get it done, and not cause issues"

•anywayssss just gonna focus on nikei? but yea! them,,

•feels guilty sometimes because like "what if i'm faking and just trying to find a way out of taking responsibility for my actions" but then three seconds later he's desperately apologizing to someone for a snarky comment while throttling an alter

•every now and then has a "holy shit that's a system thing" moment for a behavior and his world is rocked

•tried to categorize who's in front and stuff by mannerisms to help him when he's blurring and stuff. it didn't go well, he's made 20 iterations of the categories

•for him, the worst thing is decorating. that's when he's hit with tons of conflicting opinions from the others as they all talk about what they want for their room, etc etc

•!! emma heard about a director planning to make a film with DID, nikei was brought on as a consultant to help with how the system was written!

•nikei will forget to do a chore or just. not want to and he'll drag a different alter to front so they'll do it, or will switch with a kid in the system bc no ones willing to get after a kid

•oh speaking of all the CoU are kinda enamored with the kids of his system because 1) they care abt nikei and that extends to the rest of the system 2) i generally see them. while not trusting themselves to care for kids, wanting the best for children they come across and being protective?

•so they've apologized like crazy bc they feel bad abt how they reacted when previously mentioned syskid was pulled to front (a lot of "calm down, don't act so childish") despite nikei making it clear everything's okay ajsjsjsjsj

•in killing game, they're all just. quietly panicking and wondering if it's safer for nikei to talk abt being part of a system or for him to keep it quiet

•nikei is just trying to keep everyone else quiet and keep them from going to squeal over whichever of the participants they're excited to meet. help him

•!!! he likes his hair how it is, and is rlly glad that everyone agreed to keep it like that, but he hates coming to front and it being tied up

•speaking of,  his hat is kinda his signature item? if the others see him with it, it's generally a guarantee nikei is fronting, or was fronting recently

•when uh. we saw him in game without his hat, it's because he panicked so much that a switch happened and so the hat was ditched

[tfw-no-tennis]

ani....morphs.....

ok so picking up after the david trilogy, which hit hard as FUCK, we have book 23, which basically was a semi truck that ran over my corpse, jesus christ, they really followed up the david trilogy w/all that....

23 was so so good and also painful. its the culmination of a lot of tobias’s characterization in the series thus far and also we finally get the reveal we’ve been waiting for about elfangor....ooooh man 

and there was a lot of painful stuff in this book but the worst imo was tobias wondering if it were possible that somebody wanted him and would take care of him, only to have it all come crashing down in the worst way when it turned out aria was visser three in morph, ouch. 

that was so brutal augh. and when he figured it out and just crash landed and kept thinking about how he wanted to die and how he was stupid to think he could have a home...bro get these kids some THERAPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

so yeah that book was absolutely brutal but also so good...and it further fleshed out the animorphs working as a near-flawless team, w/the whole setup of tobias meeting w/the lawyer being so airtight and well-planned 

also more free hork bajir!! its cool that there's stuff happening w/them offscreen, I like that 

I literally had to take a break from reading the books bc the david triology + 23 was like so much, and also bc the olympics were on and all my time got dedicated to watching those, but then I opened 24, not sure what to expect, and BAM it was the helmacrons lmaoooo

I don't even remember the helmacrons but ig a lot of people hate them? lmao so that whole reputation preceded the book and I was like oh wow time for a change in tone

which wasn't wrong but also I liked that book?? I was never bored, even tho the whole thing was patently ridiculous and also had very little bearing on the overarching story

but I think it would be a standout if it were a TV episode w/a good budget - the visuals were amazing even in text, and I can imagine all the cool shrinking/growing/cellular stuff would be WICKED cool visually (ideally 2d animation but an ant man-esque live action adaptation wouldn't be terrible if they had the budget for it)

whatever let me dream. so yeah I didn't hate the helmacron book even tho the helmacrons themselves were...sure something. lmao I think they come back? that should be interesting

next book is the arctic one, we have yet another alien of the week style adventure - I liked this one too, it felt like more plot-y stuff happened since they destroyed the base, and marco’s POV is always fun 

I do find it funny/interesting how sometimes when the animorphs do something - like in this book, destroying that base in the arctic - it doesn't really seem to impact the yeerks much/it doesn't get brought up much after that. and then other things like them destroying the ground-based kandrona get mentioned a lot (that example is understandable tho bc that WAS a big deal). its just hilarious to me how blowing up entire building complexes has become so routine that it isn’t even worth mentioning at this point

Also I adore when they meet other random people/kids and are chill w/them, like w/that kid they met in the rain forest earlier on w/the time travel 

the descriptions of the brutally cold weather were great. I hate the cold so I was like oof this is a nightmare lmao

also ig that was the first ghostwritten book and I did kinda notice it was slightly different than usual? maybe? I could be imagining it tho 

okay but book 26 tho...BOOK 26. bruh 

that was SO good and I really didn’t know what to expect - but when we finally revisited Jake’s dream w/crayak I knew it was gonna be good (but I didn’t expect it to be a chess game war epic..!)

basically I loved it. SUCH a good Jake book - I really appreciate his character now as opposed to when I was 10 and often overlooked him (sorry jake).

similarly, when I was a kid and read these I sympathized a lot w/the chee and felt bad for them towards the end of the series when they had to get more involved in the war (genuinely don’t remember what they even do but ik I felt bad) 

but now I've basically 180′d and I'm like damn those chee sure are hypocrites huh. 

like they could solve So many of the animorphs problems but their stringent adherence to nonviolence leads to them actively getting in the animorphs way sometimes? and obviously pacifism is a complicated topic, but in this case it also intersect w/the whole ‘child soldier’ thing, and as beings who are insanely old and wise, the chee probably shouldn't just leave all the dirty work to a bunch of literal middle schoolers

aaaaanyways. there’s so much I love about this book. the iskoort! they were sure something. and the ‘plot twist’ that they are actually 2 beings, the Isk and the Yoort - and the Yoort are essentially Yeerks - that slapped. the symbiosis of it all! 

I loved the part where they all realize what this means, that this is why Crayak wants the iskoort destoryed - because someday the yeerks might come across them and realize parasitism is not the only way. I love it! 

alas I don’t recall the iskoort returning in the story (but also my memory is terrible so who knows?) but still that would be cool

basically I feel like this is the book where Jake Truly comes into his own as a leader, in every sense. he outmaneuvers Crayak, and even the ellimist, who’s yanking them around in his own way

the scene where jake shoves the howler off the cliff and jumps off and morphs and acquires the howler...that was fantastic and tense. 

also the murder is definitely becoming more overt. I mean, it has been for a while, but it isn’t really pointed out as much anymore. oof

more on the chee - as Jake points out in this book, and other characters point out in other books - the chee could have saved the pemalites, but instead just stood by while their creators were slaughtered. on the other hand, jake says, what do the chee do AFTER they’ve killed the howlers - where to point them next? when is the end of their violence? 

buuuuut also standing by while atrocities occur is pretty damning, as is frequently mentioned in this series - from the very beginning, when marco initially doesn’t want to get involved in the war at all, and the other animorphs basically tell him that turning his back on the war and acting like he doesn’t even know it’s happening would be immoral and cowardly (which imo this reaction helps to push marco in the direction he ends up going, but I digress) - this topic comes up again in 19 when cassie quits the team and rachel is upset bc she sees it as cassie elevating her own feelings above the greater good (as in, as long as cassie feels good about how she acts, it doesn’t matter how much preventable evil the yeerks are committing while she turns away). etc etc. but that’s essentially what’s happening w/the chee - even tho they help w/intel, the lack of any sort of Action on their part means that they’re essentially allowing awful things to happen when they could prevent them. this is rambly but basically...animorphs deals so much in grey areas, and the chee are noticeably black and white in their actions, despite falling, in a meta sense, in an extremely grey area. its such good, thought provoking writing!

anywayssss I keep talking about the chee lmao what else was there. oh YEAH jake and cassie kissed for the first time awww that was super cute 

and ofc immediately marco teases them as asks jake if he’s gonna kiss him next, and all I can say is...marco is a bicon 

also I love the background worldbuilding w/the iskoort, how they have all these groups and guilds and stuff - its not dwelled on much, which actually works really well to give the world/species a sense of lived-in realness 

okay oh man and the reveal at the end that the howlers were just like...children who thought the whole thing was a game...AUGHH man that’s sooo fucked 

like, when jake morphs the howler and has rachel ready to knock him down in grizzly morph if he gets out of control due to the howler’s murderous instincts, and he morphs to find that the howler is...playful, like a dolphin morph. SUCH a good fucked up sense of dawning horror there 

and the fact that as far as I can tell the chee KNEW this, but wanted revenge anyways, so they let the animorphs assume that the howlers were Evil On Purpose

also I love smaller moments, like jake seeing that ax is ashamed for briefly running away during one battle w/the howlers, and then entrusts him w/an important task bc he knows that ax will see that as redemption - and when everyone thought jake was dead and were so happy when he wasn't (they all love each other so much im gonna cry about these child soldiers augh)

basically that book was so good

man one thing I absolutely love is that the longer the series goes on the more obvious it is that andalites, despite inventing morphing technology, barely use it themselves 

like, most of the andalite characters we see barely morph. its kind of a last resort to them, as they’re already plenty dangerous in their regular forms 

meanwhile for the animorphs, that’s all they have to fight with. that’s their only weapons against the yeerks, and its so fun to see them use the power in so many varied ways, and so creatively, while the andalites have barely scratched the surface of their own technology

its also interesting to contrast against the yeerks who start out w/absolutely no technology, and the andalites share some but not all of their technology w/them...its too bad that morphing technology was just starting out cause that would’ve been interesting

like imo a lot of the conflict w/the yeerks could’ve been avoided if they could just nothlit into better forms - of course, there’d still be plenty of yeerks who want to go start wars or w/e, just like pretty much any species in the series, but a lot of yeerks would probably be like ‘yeah I'm good’ and just chill out as nothlits

also people online love to talk about how humans are alienfuckers and would definitely have sex w/sentient aliens and whatnot, and while I'm not saying that's untrue, its just funny bc in animorphs the truest alienfuckers are definitely the andalites

as of the hork-bajir chronicles, we now have a second instance of an andalite morphing another species to be in an inter-species alien romance (and eventually have kids) 

speaking of, I don’t think I’ve talked abt the hork bajir chronicles yet??? even tho I read it a while ago lmao 

HBC was great...I honestly haven’t really run into an animorphs book I’ve actually disliked at this point, I’m sure it’ll come w/all the ghostwriting and whatnot, but I’ve liked at least some aspects of every book

anyways HBC was great, and it’s funny bc I remember that I read this book as a kid, and yet rereading it now I didn’t remember a single bit of it lmaooo

I really liked the framing device of the free hork bajir telling this story to tobias. I also liked how we know from the beginning that this story wont have a happy ending - we know all the hork bajir end up enslaved by the yeerks, but it’s still somehow hopeful at the end? I think this is largely due to the framing device tbh. 

also I love toby, and I love that the First free hork bajir named their kid after tobias ;_; 

and oooh mannn I LOVED the different POVs from this book. all the characters were so interesting! aldrea was fascinating - I really like the increasingly negative view of the andalites that the readers are getting, all while maintaining the sense that they aren’t like, actively evil, just that they have their issues - like aldrea’s arrogance, and the general andalite arrogance which lead to the loss of the hork bajir. also, who knew andalites had their own brand of sexism? Ls

I did like getting a female andalite tho, that was cool. and dak was really cool, he was such a good, compassionate character who was able to maintain his morals in an interesting way throughout the story

and VISSER THREE...or should I say esplin 9466, because he’s not visser 3 yet...getting his ‘origin story’ was excellent - I really like how we’re learning about visser 3 backwards - we start off the series w/him as the main villain, and he’s campy and menacing, and then we see him in the andalite chronicles as a power-hungry sub-visser trying to climb the ranks and eventually getting alloran as a host, and then back even further here, w/the start of his focus on the andalites and the beginning of his ambition. its been very cool and interesting to see

plus, the beginning of the yeerks as we know them! seerow! alloran! it’s a party and nobody is having a good time, except for some of the yeerks. 

I like how it’s pretty obvious that the andalites are well-meaning with their interactions w/the yeerks, but go about it the wrong way - they give them enough technology that the yeerks realize there’s a whole world out there to experience, and then they blockade the yeerks on their planet and tell them they can’t leave. nnnnot the best approach imo

again, as I said above, I’m interested in how things could’ve gone if the andalites had given the yeerks morphing technology early on - could a lot of the conflict have been avoided, or would it have been worse? the yeerks seem pretty evil in this book, immediately jumping to enslave anyone they can. otoh we hear from esplin that not all yeerks like having host bodies, and find it overwhelming, preferring to swim around in the yeerk pool as a slug - I assume as host bodies became more available this type of thinking was probably stamped out in yeerk society or w/e, but there are a lot of interesting what-ifs in the situation 

I loved the scene where esplin first experiences having a host, and immediately knows he can’t go back. there are a bunch of great sensory descriptions, and it’s a nice scene to pinpoint as a foundational moment for the visser three in the current story, who spent a lot of time and energy getting what he sees as the best possible host body, an andalite

I find it interesting how much visser three clearly respects the andalites, even while constantly deriding them. and you can see the origins of that here as he immediately focuses in on the andalites, working to become an expert on them in order to make himself useful enough to move thru the ranks

another thing I like is how esplin seems a lot more crafty and ambitious than the visser three from modern times - I would guess that reaching his goal (andalite host body) and being given all that power was detrimental, playing on his weaknesses instead of his strengths. basically, I don’t think it’s ooc or anything, I can see how HBC-esplin became animorphs-esplin, especially w/TAC in between

as for seerow...poor dude. you really do have to feel for him, because you get the sense he really did just want to be kind to the yeerks, but it was borne from a place of pity, and he (and the other andalites) consistently held too much power over the yeerks for the species relations to ever be truly equal and functional 

AUGH I have so many thoughts about alien space politics. omg. I need to talk about the actual story lmao

so yeah I also feel for aldrea, she had a rough time, watching her entire family die and being thrown into a hopeless war

and then the andalite council or w/e not listening to her bc she's a girl AND seerow’s daughter...oof

also, I really really liked the running theme of the andalites - specifically aldrea - looking down on the hork bajir as ‘simple’ and constantly underestimating them, especially dak

and I like how this is portrayed as a bad attitude for aldrea to have, and she still remains and interesting and sympathetic character even while having obvious flaws. it’s about being 3-dimensional baby!

and oh man I love that dak realizes that aldrea looks down on him, and his entire species, but he can see that that’s how the andalites are, and it all connects back to the beginning of the story w/the yeerks, bc the andalites looked down on the yeerks and treated them with pity and kept them pinned under their proverbial thumb ‘for their own good’ and look how that turned out 

but dak is wise and kind enough to not hate aldrea for this, even acknowledging when she’s using him, but not pushing her away because he recognizes good in her too - and she ends up changing, partially because of his faith in her

and I feel like it can all be compared to that scenario of like - a hypothetical creature that lives in a 2D world suddenly being thrust into a 3D world, and comprehending what its seeing, and understanding that there’s so much more out there outside of the flat lines of its world - and then its dropped back into 2D-land with the knowledge of all the stuff its missing out on, and no way to get back to it or explain it to anybody else

I loooove that ‘trope’ or w/e you wanna call it, and it’s done beautifully here w/the yeerks - whos the say they wouldn't have been fine in their pool swimming around; as esplin said, a lot of the yeerks were terrified of having a host, it was only from the andalites’ perspective that their lives were sad and pitiful, and the andalites showed them what the world could be like, and then said ‘no, you can’t travel the stars like we do, you have to stay here on your planet and do what we say.’

and then again, w/the hork bajir - dak talks about how, even though he drinks up the knowledge that aldrea gives him, in the end it might have been better to just have lived peacefully, not knowing what was in the sky or the Deep - as aldrea says: “It was too late for Dak: he knew that the stars were not flowers.” 

plus the hork bajir having to go from a completely peaceful species who don’t even understand the concept of violence, to a bunch of soldiers fighting a war...oof 

basically everyone in this story uses the hork bajir. the yeerks use them as hosts, the andalites use their planet as a convenient place to dump seerow and then take their sweet time coming to help, and the arn created them as means to stabilize the planet, but block them off from their society and refuse to help when the yeerks come

like, the arn modifying themselves to be un-infestable by the yeerks and then being enslaved for physical labor instead? oof guys. if they had teamed up w/the hork bajir resistance things might have gone better, but probably not 

more on aldrea - throughout the story I was always thinking ‘how am I supposed to see her? as a good person, or as a bad person?’ 

as a POV character, especially a ‘good guy’ andalite, you just start off automatically thinking of her as a good person, but as the story goes on, she starts getting lost in revenge and begins using dak and the hork bajir, and you’re left wondering if this is a story about her slide into darkness, and then towards the end of the story her character development culminates in her making the decision to stay w/the hork bajir, and the be with dak, and that’s about when I went ‘ohhh right this is animorphs so every character is pretty much gonna be grey’

I feel like that moral grey-ness was on full display w/aldrea, and I really enjoyed that. I love so much when characters who are good do bad things, for good or bad reasons, especially in media like animorphs that’s aimed at kids. it’s so compelling. 

oof, and the ending when aldrea convinces dak to mobilize the hork bajir and teach them violence...and dak asks her if she’s ever killed another andalite, and she’s horrified, and says of course she hasn’t, and he says that that’s what she’s asking him, and all the hork bajir, to do - to kill their own people, even if they are being controlled by the yeerks. biiiig oof. I love that dak can keep up w/aldrea and her andalite supremacy attitude - it seems that the non-andalite characters who get along best w/the andalites are the ones who wont take their bs 

what else happened....oh my god how could I forget about alloran, and his quantum virus. oooof. I like how we find out about alloran in parallel to visser three, in the same backwards way - in animorphs he’s the tragic host of visser three, in TAC he’s the disgraced but still semi-respected war-prince who becomes the first ever andalite controller, and here he’s the guy who decides to commit some war crimes because, hey, we haven’t tried that yet 

but yeah that was fucked up, I love it. I’ve said it before I think but I like that alloran isn’t some perfect martyr tragically taken by the yeerks - it’s a lot more compelling that he’s a very flawed person who was taken as a controller partially due to his own bloodthirstiness. 

but yeah, the part where aldrea morphs alloran and ‘sneaks’ into that room was great. aldrea’s dedication to disposing of the virus is a great indicator of her character development - it really feels like the straw that broke the camels back w/re: to the andalites not being what she thought they were, w/their tardiness coming to help the hork bajir planet and the way her father was treated being the precursors to this realization. it all culminates nicely in aldrea saying ‘fuck this actually’ and nothlit-ing into a hork bajir.

and it’s really tragic but realistic that even though aldrea and dak end up seeing eye to eye at the end and getting together, the virus ends up being released anyways (and fails in its objective to stop the yeerks from using the hork bajir - the whole thing was p much a lose-lose situation oof), and aldrea and dak still die fighting a hopeless war 

but then we have the free hork bajir on earth, including toby, who, like tobias, has andalite ancestry, but no DNA to show for it - I like that they have that connection as well as tobias being her namesake

so yeah I enjoyed that one and its many-layered themes

WOW this got long uuuuuhhh ok I think i’ll leave this one off here. at the time I’m actually finishing the writing and editing, I’m on book 35 lol so I have some backlogging to do. never fear, I have a lot to say....