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interact-if · 3 years

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Taking the spotlight for Day 6... Lucirene!

Lucirene, author of An Angel’s Song

Latino Heritage Month Featured Author

In the forest of Bres an otherworldly sickness corrodes the soil and changes the creatures within. “A parting gift from the fallen angels” say the citizens of the Hyaku Region and the mark on your hand confirms it.

Though the scent travelling in the air is sweet and enticing everyone knows better than to get closer. But the mark, it pulses, it burns, the pain spreading as fast as the corruption of the forest does.

Your masters are calling, and it seems like this time you cannot escape them.

An Angel’s Song Demo | Author’s Ko-fi | Author’s Patreon | Read more [here]

Tags: dark fantasy, romance

(INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT UNDER THE CUT!)

Q1: So, tell us a little bit about the projects you’re working on!

I have so many, but the only one public is An Angel’s Song. It’s, more than anything, a story about grief, loneliness and overcoming it all while navigating a hostile environment and discovering long lost secrets about the Divine and about the MC’s country. That one is very cathartic for me to make because of the themes, I feel like I’m working through a lot of feelings I didn’t even realize I had by writing it.

The next one is also an IF and it focuses on comedy, adventure and character interaction. It’s supposed to be more lighthearted, more fun, but knowing me… I don’t know if it’ll stay that way. Basically, it goes: A Captain’s boat falls prey to the storms and the strange creatures living under the sea, and they and their crew end up washing ashore an icy, snowy country. I already have the main cast written down and they have so much synergy, it’s amazing.

And the last one I’ll talk about (a traditional novel) actually happens in the same setting as my second IF, but many, many years before, when their local deity/guardian was born. It’s more of a romance-fantasy than anything, a love story between a Goddess and a half-dragon, however it also showcases many of the situations the people had to navigate and face before their country could become the place you’ll see in my second IF.

Q2: What excites you most about using interactive fiction? What are some of the biggest challenges?

What I like most definitely is how much freedom we have as authors. Of course, one is constrained by one’s ability to code but I think, for the most part, we can do so many things, reach an entirely new level of immersion that would not be possible with a regular novel. It’s amazing how sometimes I’m reading something and get so into it, feel so connected to the MC I feel dread when they do, panic when they have to make a choice that will clearly impact a lot of people in their world. With IF you can really feel like you’re part of the story.

Another thing I like is being able to explore other paths with my writing. Like for example, what if the MC had done this instead of that? How would that have affected their relationships, their world state? Writing branches is a lot of work, especially because they could change so many things, but it feels oddly satisfying when you do decide to include them.

Challenges… Coding, mainly. I feel like a lot of new aspiring IF authors are a bit afraid of coding and I can understand that, especially since, had it not been for the help of the community, I would have taken way longer to actually start using Twine. Hopefully with time for resources come up and it becomes less daunting.

I don’t know if any other author feels the same way but, though I think branching is a blessing, it is also a curse. I can only write the same conversation so many times, I mean I know I’m writing it in different tones and sometimes with different results but it gets frustrating after a while because it feels like you’re stuck, like you’re not progressing at all.

Another one would definitely be finding a balance between reader interaction and just following your vision. Since it’s IF at times I feel like I have to meet a quota of branches or ways in which you can react, sometimes I also find it difficult to make the MC feel like a real person instead of a reader-insert. I’m working on that.

Q3: What has been something in your project you’ve had to do a weird amount of research for?

That’s a difficult one… I don’t know if I would consider it weird but I do tend to investigate a lot about fashion, especially when designing the main outfits of the characters. I spend hours trying to find out what colors were used back then, what they meant, who was allowed to use them. I have this little image with some palettes for kimonos depending on the season.

I also spend too much time coming up with names, especially for places. Like I look up names of places that already exist, what they mean, I try to investigate if the words that I want to use make sense, then I panic because I can’t find anything, but I think that’s usual for writers. I also spent more time than necessary researching for the name of a tree that you will see way later in the book, which no one will probably notice what the name of the tree means or what it symbolizes but it makes me happy.

Honestly, I feel like the amount of research I have had to do has not been particularly weird? If anything at times I think I should research more, even if some aspects of Japanese culture will not apply to Kyou.

Q4: Which of your characters is most like you? How?

The initial version of the MC from An Angel’s Song, which I miss dearly since they had more personality. They were autistic coded too, and I hope some traces of that still remain. Apart from that I feel like all of the characters from the main cast share something with me, even if their experiences are, of course, more dramatic than my own.

A lot of them have issues with a paternal figure or an absent mother, which also resonates with me. Some of Saori’s traits draw inspiration from ways in which I talked or acted before I became a little better at masking, before I became more self-aware. Hazuki being emotional and caring, K being a bit clingy but devoted, Masa having a temper yet loyal, Miwa being friendly but reluctant to open up beyond surface level information. I think those things describe me.

There’s also Rei but I don’t think I’m writing her book anytime soon. She’s someone that’s very family oriented, she’s a bit temperamental but she means well and she’s not afraid to speak her mind. Now that I think about it, maybe Rei is more the person I want to become.

Q5: Does your heritage influence your characters as you create them? (How? Why or why not?)

I’ve been living in Venezuela my whole life so I think so, even if most of the time I don’t even notice it. I believe that this happens especially in regards to relationships because people in Venezuela are very family oriented and also, from what I’ve experienced, they form strong bonds with their neighbors, which creates this strong sense of community —sometimes it goes well, sometimes it doesn’t, but my mom and her friends always make at least some friends in their neighborhoods and they gossip with some coffee about the happenings of the rest—. So when it comes to writing a character it is very important to me to make an emphasis on family relationships because those are a strong part of my culture, of my identity.

In An Angel’s Song you have the main cast having issues or conflicting emotions about one or multiple members of their family, which influence their behavior and their outlook on life, but for the most part they are (or will be) able to form similar relationships with people that are not related to them, or to work towards restoring that relationship, transforming it into something healthier.

In my other books family dynamics are also immensely important. For example, I’m going to mention Rei again because I love her. So, Rei has a sister named Rin, and they are both very close, even if they haven’t spent much time together. Their bond and trust in each other helps them overcome a lot of obstacles and they rely on each other when they need support or encouragement. Rei also has other people that she thinks of as siblings, and restoring that relationship with them is one of her main goals. There’s also this recurring guilt she feels at leaving her birth family and her home to explore, because to her, families are supposed to stay together.

Another aspect that I think influences my writing is religion, even if I wasn’t raised in a particularly religious household nor do I belong to any religion. Religion is a big deal in this country, we have so many events and holidays relating to religious figures. I remember when I was very young I loved going to one of the churches here because the Virgin of that town had a building filled with pretty clothes to dress her with.

So, in that vein, I try to think about the character’s relationship with religion, do they believe in the Gods? Do they trust them? Do they follow local deities or prefer the main pantheon? How does this religion shape the way people interact with each other and the world? In regards to characters that are Venezuelan or Venezuelan-coded… I do have a few that are Venezuelan, but I don’t think I’m going to be releasing their stories soon, so I’ll keep it quiet for now.

Q6: What is something you love to see in interactive fiction?

People being passionate about their work! This isn’t something exclusive to IF, but it is something that I love seeing. I also like seeing the different ways people innovate within the genre. I feel like sometimes, especially with newer writers, there is this idea that an IF has to subscribe to a specific format and that’s simply not true. If you don’t want to use a stat system you don’t have to, if you want to add combat then go ahead, if you would prefer to write an MC that’s already pretty pre-established (which is something that I personally want to try) then there’s nothing stopping you and I encourage you to give it a go. IF is very versatile and it’s wrong to try and fit authors into a box, especially if they want to bring something new into our little corner of the internet.

Q7: Any advice to give?

In general, I advise people to have fun writing, to not worry so much about how good it is, about if people will like it. Writing, at the end of the day, ends up being a pretty solitary activity and having those thoughts in your head too long will make you spiral. Be kind to yourself, be open to feedback when it comes (and learn to distinguish constructive feedback from destructive feedback) and enjoy the exploration of your world and characters.

You are not alone in all of this. If you can, join a group of writers you can talk with, exchange ideas, get feedback from or just exchange memes (the ultimate bonding experience). Don’t be afraid, you’re not alone.

#if: events #latino heritage month #latino authors #interactive fiction #cyoa #choose your own adventure #choose your story

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cienie-isengardu · 3 years

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There is one thing that you mention a lot and it is Bi-Han's lack of social skills and well I do not agree at all, that is, Bi-Han as with Sektor is quite introverted but I do believe that the Lin kuei taught them social skills to be able to infiltrate them among the people during missions. Bi-Han I think he has manners and social skills but he doesn't hide when he doesn't like someone. He was sarcastic with Quan chi but at no time did he insult him or refuse to do his job

I do not have any doubt that Bi-Han’s speech patterns depend on whom he is interacting (x) but as much as honesty and straightforwardness are in itself valuable traits, frankness is not always an acceptable choice to rely on. Having social skills helps to navigate how to behave and talk to different people to not overstep or break generally accepted norms and in result, to build a healthy relationship, or in case of living in a strict warrior society, to not get in trouble. Bi-Han for me lacks in this department, especially in mentioned interaction with Quan Chi, because he was not on equal ground with the sorcerer yet had this borderline challenging attitude. And most likely yes, some of the rudeness came from not liking nor respecting the suspicious guy that already proved to be some insidious bastard for hiring another man for the same job. But the thing is, he wasn’t there to question a lucrative customer that was personally approved by the Grandmaster and he should keep his accusations and rude remarks to himself, not throw it into the sorcerer's face just like that.

I mean, as much as dark and evil Lin Kuei are, customer service is a vital part of the earning money process. Bi-Han wasn’t there as equal to Grandmaster (the superior whom he swore to obey) nor Quan Chi (approved client). Between these three characters, Sub-Zero was just a tool to finish an already made transaction, no one was interested in what he thought or felt at that moment. As much as the accusation to some degree may be forgiven, since Quan Chi openly antagonized Sub-Zero by calling Lin Kuei the ninja (an intended insult) and admitted to hiring Shiray Ryu (the enemy of Lin Kuei), he shouldn’t be so aggressive nor so open. It toned down once Grandmaster stopped their argument. Even then, Bi-Han could - should - ask about the mission in a more polite or at least neutral way, instead of “If it's so precious, why don't you get it yourself?”, since his superior made it clear Sub-Zero is gonna do another job for the client (“Now you will use the map on your next mission. Quan Chi has once again retained your services”).

The whole situation feel to me like Grandmaster promised Quan Chi the best man for the job but said man had this “fuck you” attitude from the start. Sub-Zero represented Lin Kuei but instead of the professional and obedient subordinate of Grandmaster there was an abrasive warrior who called Quan Chi on his lies and backed down only because his boss had enough of his attitude and the pointless argument. Not the best social awareness if you ask me.

Bi-Han wasn’t any more polite to Raiden (“That's it? Not even a thank you?”) and either deliberately provoked Scorpion during the Tournament or he was simply brutally honest about not caring about Shirai Ryu’s fate. Which, considering what he knew about the massacre, Scorpion’s obsession about him and just heard Hanzo’s promise to not kill him, he was stubbornly arrogant or really lacked empathy or good understanding of emotional impact his words may have on his sworn enemy. Considering how Bi-Han is described as “the most cunning” above all, we know he is pretty intelligent. But his harsh, abrasive, often confrontational behaviour makes me think he is good with cold logic, not exactly with empathy and because of that, he is not always reading the situation well and may “forget his place” when dealing with people he does not respect or care about or outright provoke them in the worst way. The whole argument with Quan Chi in the first place shouldn’t even happen because really, it wouldn’t be the first time an outsider (client) didn't care about the assassin's life and saw him as just a tool. Grandmaster himself wasn’t bothered nor surprised by Quan Chi’s deal with Shirai Ryu and so Bi-Han’s outburst is even more out of place in my opinion.

How much of this is Bi-Han’s intention to be a rude bastard and how much came from limited social skills (and maybe from introverted nature?) is of course up to debate. But to be fair, all cryomancers have this cheeky and passive-aggressive attitude in common (Frost for example seems like being constantly angry at everyone and doesn’t hold her sharp tongue, younger Kuai Liang literally disturbed Mortal Kombat last Tournament and told Shao Kahn to give him murderer of brother, Conquest!Sub-Zero was no less stubborn and asocial). I do see cryomancers in general as the asocial, aromantic & asexual (maybe even autistic to some degree?) people whose natural coldness may have handicapped sense of social norms and the fact that they are trained killers (thus have empathy dulled even more) don’t help at all.

At the same time, I strongly believe that not every warrior was constantly or even often working undercover and Lin Kuei used its members adequately to their skills. Some are better at spying (thus are better at interacting with people to get the needed information), some are better killers (whose interaction with people doesn't matter as long as the job is finished). There is not enough source material to say for sure what was Bi-Han’s specialization but Mythologies: Sub-Zero strongly suggest is was actually assassination and theft, as we were told by Grandmaster (“Once again, our most cunning assassin and thief is successful.”). The known jobs he did involved breaking into heavily guarded places (Shaolin Temple, Temple of Elements) to steal artifacts and killing people on the way. There was no need for Bi-Han to have any social skills nor during the Mortal Kombat Tournament, when he was hired exactly to eliminate (kill) Earthrealm’s Champions. Of course, this is barely the tip of the iceberg, more or less the last year of Bi-Han’s life, but if he truly was one of the clan's best, sending him on long-term undercover missions could be a waste of an opportunity for profitable earnings. I mean, stealing and killing are usually short-termed jobs, the “go in and get out” as fast as possible to not leave any trace behind. Those jobs of course also take time for proper preparation but because of its specific nature, a warrior can be sent from one place to another almost immediately, especially if the lucrative customer (like Shang Tsung or Quan Chi) needs to solve an urgent problems quickly. The game and movies are separated sources, but Mortal Kombat (2021) seems too put Bi-Han mainly on the assassination jobs or staying at Shang Tsung’s side than anything truly involding good understanding of social ettiquete; beside the sorcerer, Bi-Han did not interact much with other people, even with his own allies. Then there is the possibility that Bi-Han could work ultimately more in lawless, wild Outworld than modern Earthrealm which also would affect his behaviour and sense of social norms.

I believe Bi-Han took some undercover missions, but I see him more like operating in the city to do some quick dirty jobs and moving to another target than staying in one place for months while playing “normal” human being. That way he was more useful to clan by earning good money in short period of time and maybe correcting faults of other warriors (supervising them) or killing Shirai Ruy / enemy’s agents along the way. He probably could fit into society for a specified period of time if that was absolutely necessary but I don’t think it happened often. And even then, he most likely kept to himself because Bi-Han is introverted by nature.

At the end of day, the coldness and social detachment was a useful trait for a killer and murdering was most likely Sub-Zero’s expertise so forcing him to spend months on anything else seems to me like wasting both his potential and good job offers. So the Grandmaster (Lin Kuei) could tolerate Sub-Zero’s natural frankness because his social skills weren’t ever the priority.

Bi-Han’s abrasive ways to communicate with others, lack of empathy, the visible isolating himself leads me to think he lacks social skills (and maybe even could fit somewhere on autistic spectrum). At this point of time, I think cryomancers in general are dense when it comes to social norms and interacting with people and I don’t mean it as they are stupid or unable to learn. They just have different (mental?) mindset about such things than other people, even other Lin Kuei warriors. Of course, it is just my take on the matter so anyone can disagree : )

(Ironically, I have the impression that Sektor would do better in long-term undercover work than Bi-Han but he is hardly better at pretending to be a normal human being. The difference is that he is the quiet type easy to overlook while anyone not familiar with Bi-Han's specific behaviour will see him as the rude bastard.)

#mortal kombat #my replies #bi han #sub zero #sektor #lin kuei #cryomancers #are in my mind the asocial aromantic asexual group that has zero social skills #which is why they seems to be the angry rude bastards with no will to change in that matter #you can rip this headcanon #from my cold dead hands #also lately more and more i wonder if Bi-Han (and Sektor for that matter) is not autistic to some degree #with the visible isolating himself and bad communication skills #ramblings #anyway i think there is not enough sources to tell for sure if bi han is just a rude bastard or just bad at talking to other people

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spencer-reids-adventures · 3 years

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Hi (you don’t have to answer this if you don’t want to). For some time now I have been thinking a lot about myself and I think i’m autistic. I’ve done a lot of research in different websites and I want to talk to my mom about it to get rightfully diagnosed but i don’t know how to approach it, do you have any tips?

Hi! To be honest, I'm not sure how helpful I'll be... I had very little support from my parents growing up in terms of mental health care, and I received my autism diagnosis from my psychiatrist and therapist as an adult, although technically I don't have a "formal" diagnosis because the evaluation costs $2000 and I just don't have that kind of money.

However, that said, I think it's really good that you want to pursue diagnosis! If you feel comfortable discussing it with your mom I think it could be worth it to kind of start out with the symptoms (I don't really like that word, but I can't think of a better one right now) that you experience, and then bring up the possibility that it could be autism.

If you're already seeing a psychiatrist or therapist I would definitely recommend bringing it up to them, and if you aren't seeing someone yet, it would probably be worth it to find one that you can build a relationship with and discuss those issues with them.

What actually got me talking about autism with my therapist in the first place was I sent him a long email about all the ways I'd been struggling, and how long that had been going on - social issues, sensory issues, meltdowns, everything I could think of. It was... a very long email, lol. I didn't actually mention autism in the email, he was the one who brought it up at my next appointment, and then we kind of went from there.

I mention that last part because I know parents and doctors can sometimes accuse you of like... reading too much stuff online and then diagnosing yourself with things and looking for validation (which honestly I don't particularly see the problem with, especially considering the cost of healthcare in some places), but focusing on the symptoms rather than starting out by saying "I think this is autism" can sometimes be helpful.

I don't know how much of that made sense or was relevant... I was diagnosed with ADHD about 10 years before I was diagnosed with autism so a lot of those symptoms overlapped and led to it being maybe a more complicated and drawn-out process than it needed to be, and the lack of family support also didn't help. But if you're able to get support from your mom, and have the ability to meet with a therapist or psychiatrist, those are definitely the best first steps!

And advocating for yourself is so important - don't get discouraged if things don't move as quickly as you'd like, or if you have to try a few different therapists or doctors before finding one who will listen and work with you. It can be a slow process, but it's usually worth it in the end.

Finally, even if it does take a long time to get diagnosed, or it ends up being a difficult process, just remember that you are allowed to use all the resources out there for people with autism, even if you don't have the diagnosis! You can still stim and use sensory tools and calming techniques and whatever you need to feel better, regardless of whether you have a doctor or a piece of paper saying you "should." I am of the opinion that self-diagnosis is totally valid if it helps you to find ways to cope.

(Okay, I feel like I just used a lot of words and maybe didn't say much that was very helpful? And if so, I'm very sorry. But I do wish you the best and if I can be of any other help my ask box is always open!)

#maya's meta #autism

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theflannelwizard · 4 years

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Miss Simian teaches the Special Accommodations class

First off, I would like to say that I am neurodivergent, and most of these headcanons are based off my own experiences. If I do accidentally phrase something in a way that offends you, please let me know so I can fix it! Thanks to @onceuponymous to chatting with me about this before I posted it! I will also say that TAWOG is my current hyper fixation, so this might end up being a rather long post! I’ll try to use bold and italics so my fellow neurodivergent fans have an easier time reading it if they want to :)

I think Miss Simian’s class is full of the neurodivergent kids in Elmore Jr. High. This would explain why Darwin and Gumball are in the same class, despite being two years apart in age, and why they are so blind to the rest of the school. They have their routine and their class, and they are purposefully on a separate schedule than the other students. This would also explain why Gumball and Darwin are so frequently sent to the guidance counselor for their outbursts instead of to the principal.

Almost all if not all of the students in her class exhibit common symptoms of neurodivergence, including (but not limited to) having trouble communicating, hyper fixating or having special interests, masking or feeling like the world won't like, understand, or accept them if they don’t put on a persona, fidgeting or stimming, having trouble with focus, expressing emotion intensely or in unique ways, and either adhering to a strict schedule or behaving impulsively.

Let’s start with trouble communicating. This is an obvious and easy one- almost none of Gumball’s classmates communicate in a neurotypical fashion. Juke and William have extreme trouble communicating verbally, and although Juke realizes this, he keeps trying but is unable to “switch” himself to an easily understood language. William doesn’t even realize he is unheard until Gumball declares he is silent. Banana Joe, Bobert, Sussie, and Jamie all speak in special dialects or patterns that are understandable but set them apart from what would be considered “normal.” Jamie’s is the least obvious, but I would argue that her reliance on threats, often delivered using the same formula, is a unique speech pattern that could have developed in part due to her parentage/home life and in part due to trouble communicating. Gumball has no problem with speaking in an understandable way, but he does have trouble expressing his emotions- he either locks them down or goes over the top with grand declarations and gestures. Likewise, Darwin is able to express himself rather clearly, but he canonically has trouble “learning facial expressions” and is often blind to sarcasm and manipulation, as are many of his classmates. Some students are on the end of the spectrum where they may not have trouble speaking, but they do have trouble reading social cues. For example, Molly is eager to talk to her friends, but can’t always tell whether they are engaged with her stories and doesn’t know when to stop talking. Sarah doesn’t have a clear understanding of boundaries, and neither do Tobias, Sussie, Banana Joe, Teri, Tina, Clayton, Ocho, Gumball, or Alan (despite having good intentions, he often fails to set boundaries for himself, and that’s just as important to notice as those who intrude or don’t understand boundaries for others). In fact, I would argue the entire class has, at some point, shown that they have trouble setting or anticipating healthy boundaries. Once boundaries have been clearly set, they usually are able and willing to respect them, but they can’t always tell on their own what another person is okay with.

Now for hyper fixations and special interests. I would say Teri is one of the most obvious here, with her extensive knowledge of germs and cleanliness. She’s more than just a germaphobe, she has studied hygiene and is obsessive to a point of rarely talking about anything else. Alan could likely be fixated on activism or the general concept of goodness, working overtime to make himself into the most helpful and positive person he can be. Sarah’s fangirl persona goes hand in hand with a fixation on comics, anime, and/or manga. I would even say Carrie’s intense dedication to goth/emo culture could be considered a special interest, and Leslie has a similar relationship to fashion, beauty, and the (heavily coded) LGBT community. Tobias’ obsession with video games has canonically gotten so intense that he neglected basic needs such as sleep- a classic example of hyper fixation.

As far as masking and persona goes, many of the points I’m about to make could be seen as simple stereotyping to make the characters distinct. I choose to interpret it differently. Gumball, Penny, Tobias, Carrie, Masami, Tina, Clayton, and Ocho have all had arcs or significant moments where they were either revealed to have interests or personality traits that were in direct contrast with their outward persona or revealed to think people wouldn’t like “the real them” as much as the act they put on. For example, Penny was terrified to come out of her shell, Tina doesn’t intend to be a bully but comes off as one due to her menacing mask (for self protection, perhaps, so she doesn’t get bullied herself?), and Ocho admits he has trust issues due to being used for his uncles and not respected unless he puts on an intense and aggressive front. Other students build their identities around a single aspect of themself, either something that they find important or something that they expect will be liked or respected. Tobias, Leslie, Carrie, Alan, Jamie, Tina, Idaho, Sarah, Bobert, Banana Joe, and Masami fall easily into stereotypes and seem to be glad to do so. Clayton goes so far as to commit identity theft simply so no one will see his true self and dislike him. Clayton’s compulsive lying is also a symptom of ADHD.

I’m not going to write a whole paragraph on fidgeting/stimming and focus, because I don’t think there’s too much to analyze or dissect there, but if you go back and watch any episode, you’ll likely notice that many of the characters are easily distracted and/or have unique body movements, postures, or phrases that they tend to repeat. I also think impulsivity and routine is so important to the plot that it doesn’t need to be discussed, but was worth a brief mention.

Let’s talk about emotions! Gumball has the classic neurodivergent experience of either bottling up his emotions with no idea how to express them or going over the top with grand declarations and gestures. He feels things very intensely, as shown by his often dramatic reactions, but isn’t always sure how to process or express them. Darwin is always on one extreme of that scale, with no filter as to how he expresses and feels things. He is unafraid to cry in public, declare that something makes him feel good or bad, or say very bluntly what needs to be done to make him feel better (eg declaring he responds well to positive reinforcement- that sounds like therapist or guidance counselor language to me! Good job, Darwin! I wish I was as clear as you!). Likewise, Penny is prone to meltdowns after she breaks out of her shell, and she is so intensely emotional that she messes up her (likely well-rehearsed) cheer tryout due to being rejected by Gumball, and her physical form changes based on emotion. Banana Joe, Carrie, Masami, Sarah, arguably Anton, Carmen, Teri, Tina, Hector, and Sussie also express their intense emotions in big and obvious ways. Some examples include Masami’s meltdown in The Storm, Teri’s tendency to faint or cry, Carmen’s outburst (possibly a meltdown or breakdown) at her old school, and Tina’s tendency to use violence and anger as a first response when upset, even in “small” ways. (Note- I put small in quotes because something like being told it’s a waste of time to get piano lessons might not feel small to her, and could indeed warrant chasing and attacking Gumball.) On the other side of the scale, we have characters like Alan, Idaho, Bobert, Molly, Leslie, and Hector (again, as he behaves differently with or without his music box), who are capable of being dramatic or expressing emotion, but won’t acknowledge their feelings directly and might even be perceived as not having (many) emotions. For instance, Bobert is often referred to as not having emotions or not being a real person, a harmful stereotype against autistic folks, which is increased by the fact that he is a robot, which autistic folks are sometimes unfairly compared to. Alan is seemingly incapable of feeling negative emotions, to the point where his loss of hope wrecks Elmore, implying that he has a mental or emotional block from feeling and expressing these emotions. Molly references her “special dark place,” implying that she does get emotionally or sensorially overwhelmed, but has no way to express her needs (or lacks the confidence to do so) and would rather remove herself from a situation. Leslie is the most dramatic of the characters with emotional blocks or low emotional expression, but I would argue that since he never openly owns or discusses his emotions, (verbally or otherwise,) and instead turns to petty drama or denial, he also belongs in this category.

TL;DR: Most if not all of Miss Simian’s students exhibit classic symptoms of neurodivergence, be it autism, adhd, or both. Hopefully the many (x character) has (x diagnosis) posts I’ve seen floating around can supplement this theory! And of course, if you don’t buy this interpretation or just don’t like it, you don’t have to agree with me! But I think the idea of TAWOG having a majority neurodivergent cast is comforting, fun, and canon-compliant. :)

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everybodyelsesgirl · 3 years

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trying to process some things. personal stuff below the cut.

tw for emotional abuse; mental illness; eating disorder; suicide.

keep thinking about this post from 5 years ago and how I really, truly believed that things were going to get better. that I'd finally stood up for myself for the first time in my life and not allowed yet another person to take advantage of me and destroy my sense of self. I'd finally said no to being used and manipulated and treated like shit because I couldn't bear the thought of people disliking me—of people thinking I was weird or annoying or pathetic—or of people just not even paying any attention to me at all.

for so long I had been what I can only describe as a living, breathing doormat. almost every 'friend' I ever had would somehow know exactly how to take advantage of me whilst making me feel completely and utterly inadequate and it was only when I came up against the one person whose abuse was just so completely textbook, that I actually realised what I'd been putting myself through all these years. the gaslighting and the lying and the way she would try to get my other friends to turn on me so she could get what she wanted, while using her own mental illness as a weapon to threaten me and my family with when she didn't get her way. and, in the past, it probably would have worked. I would have just let it happen because that was easier than having to face the prospect of being alone once again. I would have been wracked with guilt and self-loathing at the thought of being the reason why my friend had said she was going to stop eating and kill herself and then done everything in my power to appease them and give them what they wanted because, it was me—I was the cause of that, right?

but I had reached the point where I gave enough of a shit about myself that I wasn't going to let someone treat me that way. that I wasn't going to be emotionally abused and manipulated anymore or made to feel like I was broken or abnormal because I didn't act the way they expected me to. realising I was autistic was so liberating because it meant that I finally understood why this had happened to me. that I had been so susceptible, not because I was just so broken that I had somehow brought it on myself, but because an abuser sees vulnerability and exploits that.

but you know what standing up for yourself does? what it means to assert your boundaries and protect yourself and say no? it means you end up alone. at the time I was so relieved to be free of her that it didn't really occur to me that I had no friends left. the friends I had at the time were also hers and I just—cut them all out of my life. that's what people tell you to do right? when you're getting away from an abuser, that is what you're supposed to do, isn't it?? I've had to do it now so many times that I barely even think about it—I just cut people out. and now it's become so normalised for me that I'm not sure if I'll ever be capable of maintaining a relationship with someone ever again. how could I possibly trust anyone when this is all I've ever known? I keep everyone at arms length; if someone wants to message me, meet up, go for coffee, or whatever else friends are supposed to do, I shut it down before it's even started. does this make me a bad person? I don't know, maybe—? but at this point I don't even know how to do any different. it is so hardwired in me not to trust anyone anymore that I have spent the past 5 years without any friends at all.

and, honestly, I'm broken. I'm back at the point where I'm convinced that there must be something that's so fundamentally wrong with me that I cannot even begin to maintain a functioning relationship with another person and it must be—it just has to be—my fault. I am the only constant in this scenario and it feels like everything I am is just fundamentally incompatible with other human beings. the way I'm still so terrified of being rejected or ignored but I almost seek these things out by avoiding and evading and putting up walls because it's the only way I know how to have any semblance of control. and now I am so resigned to this—that this is what my life amounts to—that I see no way out. and just, when I think back on that post I wrote, I just wish I was still that person. sure, I was alone, but at least I had hope. at least I still thought things would get better.

now I'm 5 years down the line and I'm having to quit uni altogether because of an entirely arbitrary time limit on how long you're allowed to complete an undergrad degree before they just decide that you're out. and it's not like I didn't do all the right things; I got accommodations and extensions and they were going to let me have another two years extra so that I could finish third year part-time. but then the pandemic happened and instead of acknowledging that my accommodations had obviously not planned for lockdowns and enforced isolation and a complete loss of any of the mechanisms I'd carefully built to be able to function on even the most basic level, they just decided to say no. and that was that.

so of course, when I think back on the amount of work it took me to even consider going back to uni in the first place after what had happened the first time round—it's just incomprehensible. all that time and effort to attempt to build myself back up and to try and learn how to put myself first and stop bending over backwards to make everyone else happy at the expense of my own physical and mental health and now it all just amounts to nothing. my physical health is the worst it's ever been and mentally I'm so broken that I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to put the pieces back together. because before, at least, those pieces were still recognisable as part of a whole; you could still match up the edges and see where they fit or where the gaps and cracks needed plastering over. but now, it's been broken so many more times that each part becomes smaller and smaller and less and less recognisable to the point where you just don't know what they are anymore. is this really what I've done to myself? has everything I've done really led to this? I just really don't know if I'll ever be able to trust myself not to destroy everything I've worked for yet again and, not being able to ever trust myself again, I think that is honestly the scariest part of all.

#tw suicide #tw emotional abuse #tw mental illness #tw eating disorder #tw trauma #anyway its like after 4am and i have a doctors appointment tomorrow to deal with the fact that i have a trapped nerve in my arm #and cant feel most of my left hand which i am probably going to barely get up in time for so--#yeah i just needed to put this somewhere because everything is so fucked and i have no other outlet for it #please feel free to ignore #personal

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andiphillipsdotcom · 3 years

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Reframing the Mask

Post has been edited for correction and the addition of a link.

It was not my intention to write another autistic blog, but yaknow, sometimes a topic just gets stuck in your head, especially when that topic is hard-wired into your head. So, today, I want to talk about Masking.

Now, in case you don’t know, “masking” in this context refers to a coping strategy in which an autistic person acts in a neurotypical fashion, in order to blend in better into neurotypical society. This can include stimming in more “acceptable” fashions, or suppressing stims altogether, mirroring people in conversation, and many other strategies.

(If this is a topic you would like to learn more about, may I suggest this YouTube video by autistic content creator, Yo Samdy Sam: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9COmZ2HwXY)

While masking can be helpful to survive in a neurotypical world, it is also exhausting, because you have to put in that extra work in order to maintain and keep on the mask. Also, and this goes especially for autistic folx who are diagnosed or who self-discover late in life, masking can become so second-nature and ingrained, that it leads to an identity crisis.

Questions like, “But who am I without the mask,” or “without this mask, would anyone really like me,” can cause havoc on your mental health.

As for me, I was diagnosed very recently. In fact, this month is the one-year anniversary of my diagnosis. And while I, and everyone around me knew something was “different” about me, I spent my whole life not knowing what that was.

And yet, in spite of that, I have a distinct memory tattooed into my soul of writing a poem in middle school called, “The Masks,” and how I felt I had to wear masks in order to just live, and how hard that was for me. (I have no idea where that poem went. I would love to read it again, but alas it is lost to time.) So, way before I was diagnosed, back before I had any kind of meaningful understanding about autism, I understood masking and I hated it.

So, it is a little strange that I am going to be speaking in defense of Masking today.

Now, I want to make it clear, if you are autistic, and you do not mask, or you don’t feel the need to mask, that is entirely valid. Hell, I would love to live in a world in which masking isn’t required. In fact, I think that part of neurodiverse activism should include working to build a world in which everyone can live without feeling the need to mask.

With all that being said, I am not advocating for the use of full on masks, per se. However, I think it is important to remember that “masking” is actually not a practice that is necessarily unique to the autistic community. Now, don’t get me wrong, masking in a neurotypical fashion is unique to us, but consider for a moment the concept of “code switching.”

Code Switching is a practice in which individuals will change their behaviors and demeanors depending on varying situations. For example many people will act very differently depending on if they are interacting with a friend vs. their boss. This is the sort of thing most people - read neurotypical people - do so often and intuitively, that they may not even realize that they are doing it.

Meanwhile, for autistic people, these rules are not hardwired in our brains the way they seem to be for neurotypical people, and so we have to work extra hard, in order to switch codes, often over-compensating, which leads to masking.

But code-switching is still a necessary social tool. I mean you don’t want to act the same way around your boss as you would your friend. Not only could that put your employment at risk, but it could also get pretty awkward.

Plus, as an autistic person you still have to survive in a neurotypical world.

So, what is an autistic person to do?

Well, something that has helped me personally is reframing how I view masking. First, I don’t think of it as “Masking.” Like, who wants to mask? No thank you. I don’t want to be anyone other than myself.

Instead, I think of my version of “Masking” as “Filtering.”

I have a filter for work, a filter for activist spaces, and a filter for the cashier at the grocery store. These filters help me still be myself, but in a way that fits into whatever situation I am in.

Another reason I use the filter method is because I have a tendency of oversharing, which is another autistic trait. Seriously, if left unfiltered I can share some pretty personal stuff without thinking, or possibly hurt someone’s feelings with how blunt I can be. So using filters, basically taking the time to think through what I am going to say, how I am going to say it, or how I am going to act, helps me maintain healthy boundaries and healthy relationships.

And of course, I also make sure to find folx I don’t have to filter around, such as my family, close friends, and other autistics, so I can give the filter a break from time to time. And when I give the filter a break, I can give myself a break.

I hope this reframing aids other autistic folx. Masking can be incredibly stressful and harmful if you feel like you have to do it all the time, and it can also eat away at your self-identity and self-worth. But, unfortunately - at least in my experience - is still necessary to survive in a neurotypical world. But by thinking of your “mask” as a “filter” instead, will hopefully allow you to be more of yourself.

After all, a Mask covers up the real you entirely, while a filter - well, filters - what is already there. With a filter, you are still able to be yourself, even if they are different “filtered” versions of yourself.

Original Post on https://www.andiphillips.com/post/reframing-the-mask

#actually autistic #autistic adult #autistic culture

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narratornavigatorstoryteller · 4 years

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hi this is a mello-centric account but here's my matt analysis

general

smoking

often, people who smoke do so as the result of pressure or as a coping mechanism. he's clearly smart enough to recognize what is and isn't a good idea, so i don't believe he'd start smoking just because someone else said he should. instead, i'd say he smokes as a coping mechanism. i'm not sure what exactly he'd be coping with, however, it wouldn't be unreasonable to assume stress, anxiety, and the environment in which he was raised are all contributing factors.

interest in technology

i take this to be one of a Few things that could point to him possibly having adhd or autism, likely with technology as a hyperfixation. will expand on this farther down.

was smart enough to be in 3rd place

i feel as though he could've ranked higher in the wammy's system, not because he "didn't apply himself," but more because he didn't Care. as someone with interests (and potentially, an ideal career) outside of becoming L's successor, i wouldn't be surprised if matt were on level with or even above mello. maybe it's respect or simple lack of wanting that keeps him in third.

comparable to a dog

for matt, this would be a different meaning than mello. where mello's dog comparison takes on a sharper, more assertive tone, i personally see matt as being much more responsive and analytical. where mello has a set plan in place that can be adjusted accordingly, matt has a much looser set of major goals and prefers to analyze the situation as it progresses.

i also feel like he is a leader, however he lacks the motivation to apply it. instead, going back to the dog comparison, he'll take what he's given within reason. if mello says to answer when he calls, then matt will. if wammy's house says to get ranked as high as possible, he will. at the same time, if he feels something is unnecessary, he won't even consider it. why aim for top two if third is good enough? why genuinely try to become L's successor if he just doesn't want to?

long story short, matt's what i'd like to call a selective follower; he has the qualifications to be a strong and good leader, but is very picky about where and why he applies them. as a selective follower, he'll do what he's told, but only when he actually believes in whoever is trying to instruct him. he is loyal, but might not be above playing traitor if he saw good reason to.

i doubt he was very well liked at wammy's, and was often misread by other students

as number 3, matt prevents number 4, 5, 6, etc. from even having a chance at the top. additionally, he likely presents himself as an awkward loner (with his social skills being 3/10) with a nic addiction and a love of video games. this presentation alongside his obviously high intelligence might cause people to resent and misunderstand him, seeing matt as nothing more than another obstacle between them and a higher position. social awkwardness is now read as conceitedness ("he thinks he's too good for us") and the video games and lack of rank progression are read as refusal to apply himself (which, while true, would now be read more negatively due to the situation)

goggles

i personally like to think he wears them because of light sensitivity, but at the same time i want to see them as a symbol of his constant personality masking. i can't see him as anything other than deeply thoughtful and extremely loyal. in times of stress, he projects confidence and pride, possibly to mask a fear of failure and being seen as weak. i also see a potential fear of vulnerability in him, though whether this is with himself, with others, or just in general is debatable (by obscuring his eyes, it makes it harder for them to be read, building up a wall between him and whoever he's with).

neurodivergence

i have no doubt that he is either autistic or has adhd. To start: boredom. it’s a recurring theme in death note for characters to experience boredom and have strange means of dealing with it (e.g., ryuk, light [debatable], and L). for mail, i’d say that this points even more in the direction of him being neurodivergent coded, as boredom is also a symptom found in various neurodivergencies. next; video games and electronics. hyperfixations are used as a way to relieve stress, or as something that a person simply enjoys and thinks about in ways that go far beyond their control. in chapter 85, while “watching mogi and misa” for mello, matt is shown actually playing video games instead, and states that he found his original task boring. some neurodivergent people may find it hard to complete certain tasks, especially if they don’t find them interesting, and it makes sense that he would turn to his hyperfixation instead. for now i’ll end on his social skills. in the offical stats, matt’s social skills are rated at a 3/10, which, if i’m not mistaken, is second lowest for the human death note characters at least, with near and L tying for absolute lowest at 1/10. while not everyone experiences this, its a common symptom to have “trouble” socialising, or to not be very good at reading social cues. due to his high observation skills, i’d say that a lot of what builds up his social interactions is mirroring; things he picked up from watching others, especially those at wammy’s house. i know i said i’d end with that, but some smaller points that i won’t talk too much on are his goggles (possible light sensitivity/sensory issues, also potentially a comfort item), his gloves (could be a sensory thing, or even a strong aversion to germs, though the latter is less likely due to the next point), and his environment (from what we’re shown, his workspace is very cluttered and disorganized)

relationships

mello

mello’s the only one we ever see any interaction with. They’re officially described as “friends," and stayed together for a bit before takada's kidnapping. they seem to hold mutual respect and trust for each other, with matt being willing to assist in mello's plans and mello calling matt to work with him after the explosion. when matt slipped up while spying on misa, mello was shown to be a bit annoyed, however he didn’t mention it and simply carried on with things the best he could. their relationship overall seems to be a very good one, even after all their years apart.

#death note #mail jeevas #matt death note #character analysis #matt

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ambarto · 4 years

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Finwean Ladies Week Day One: Miriel

I really wanted to participate in @finweanladiesweek, but for a variety of events I haven’t really had time to write as much as I wanted and I only have one fic ready which will be for the last day of the week. As it is, I’ve instead decided of essentially writing down some of my headcanons about a lady for each day.

For day one the prompt was Miriel and Indis, and as such I’ve decided to talk about Miriel, given that I have a lot of headcanons about her that I’ve never talked about, so below the cut a list of all my favorite hc’s about her, which hopefully someone else will like too.

Miriel was born in Cuivienen, and as long as she remembered she had always been fascinated by the faint light one could see on the horizon on particularly clear days. When Orome came telling the Elves of Valinor, Miriel was one of those who thought he had to be speaking the truth about this wonderful land. She was even more convinced when Finwe came back and told them of Valinor and of all the things the Valar had made. Her parents, however, two of the first awakened Elves, were two of the people who decided to stay behind, not trusting Orome. It was hard for Miriel to leave behind not just the land she was born into, but her family as well. However, Miriel was through all her life (and death as well) a stubborn woman and her mind could rarely be changed after it was made. Even if the choice came with many hardships for her, she decided to go to Valinor, and refused to change her mind about it.

She became close to Finwe during the journey. They had already known each other before, but only as acquaintances. He admired the strength she showed in standing by her choices even if they hurt her, and tried to be close to her. He fell in love with her somewhere around what would later be called the Misty Mountains. Miriel, for her part, took a fairly long time to realize her feelings for Finwe were romantic in nature: only after she’d already liked him for a long time she understood her interest wasn’t purely platonic. Finwe didn’t have a lot of time to think about romance once they reached Valinor, as he had to coordinate the construction of Tirion, but the two of them married soon after the Noldor started to build the city.

Miriel didn’t have a lot of friends, but Indis was one of them. Indis was a little younger than Miriel, and the two of them got along very well ever since Cuivienen. Their relationship soured a little after Miriel got engaged to Finwe, although but they didn’t argue. Indis simply started spending more time with the other Vanyar and less with the Noldor, and Miriel didn’t realize it was because it hurt Indis to see her friend engaged to the one Indis loved, because out of respect for Miriel and Finwe’s decision Indis did not speak of her own feelings to her friend. Miriel and Indis however did care much for each other for all of Miriel’s life, and Indis mourned Miriel for a long time when she died.

Even if Finwe and Indis hadn’t later married, Miriel would have probably not been reborn for many, many centuries. She was strong, and it was twice the shock to those who knew her to find out how consumed her spirit had been through her pregnancy with Feanor. There had been instances before of mothers needing a long rest after their children were born, but never so bad. Miriel, well, she had always been an all or nothing kind of woman. She had pushed all of her strength and all of her fea to Feanor while she carried him, to the point that after his birth and before her death she barely had enough left to get out of bed, or speak. In Mandos, she did nothing but exist for the first few years, not just dead but asleep while being dead. It took her time to gather herself, let alone grow strong again, and for a long time coming back to life was something she dared not even think about.

She was actually happy when Finwe and Indis married. She loved them both, and found it rather comforting to know her husband had someone else by his side, as before she had felt guilty of having left him alone with their son. It pained her to see how much Feanor resented Indis, and wished her son would understand Miriel was not offended at all. She also wished Feanor would get along better with his half-siblings, as from what Miriel heard of them they all seemed fairly nice people.

While she came back after Finwe died, she still preferred to keep to herself the majority of the time, and remained in what parts of Mandos the living were allowed to be in. Indis came to visit her, at times, and their meetings were tense at first, but they eventually managed to rekindle their friendship. Miriel also met many of her extended family, many of them curious about meeting the woman who had given birth to Feanor, but for all her second life she preferred to stay in Mandos than to go back to live with other Elves.

Before she became known for her needlework, Miriel was talented at making rope. Sewing was still very rudimentary work in Cuivienen and Elves didn’t overly suffer the cold, and back then they didn’t mind simply dressing in furs or even walking around naked. Rope, on the other hand, was something that was often needed, and Miriel enjoyed the work, never having been able to sit around with her hands still. She did sew, if necessary, but it was only after coming to Valinor that she took up weaving and embroidering and they became her true passions.

Miriel was autistic. People often considered her somewhat awkward in conversation, as she disliked eye contact and often struggled to figure out what the appropriate facial expression was for a situation. She rarely understood what other people were feeling, unless she was given very clear signals about it. She had the tendency of getting lost in her work, and at times had to be reminded to put down the needle and get some food, or water, or sleep. Loud noises and crowds were the bane of her existence, but on the other hand she enjoyed strong flavors and scents and her favorite foods all had as many spices as possible. She talked a lot, to the point of at times being hyperverbal, and enjoyed vocal stims, like singing, humming, or even just repeating certain words under her breath over and over.

She was usually gentle and caring, but she could be more stubborn than any mule. She was hard to anger, but if someone did manage to piss her off then they would meet an ire that was perhaps only second to the one Feanor later could develop. While not overly involved with politics, she was always willing to help Finwe with decisions if needed.

Finwe and many of those who knew Miriel often found themselves thinking that she and Feanor would have gotten along wonderfully, as Feanor grew. While Feanor never really picked up sewing, he admired crafts of all kind, and had his mother been alive to teach him maybe he would have become a renowned weaver in addition to all his other achievements. Not to mention, Miriel used to have fairly strong opinions on language - specifically, about pronunciation, and on how certain words should sound. Sometimes, Finwe would find Feanor working on his linguistic treaties and muttering a word under his breath over and over, trying to gauge the sound of it and the way the accents fell and what pronunciation would be considered the best for it, and was always struck with the thought of how wonderful it would have been to see Miriel sitting next to Feanor and giving him her thoughts and advice.

#finweanladiesweek #miriel #my headcanons

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onthevirgeofdestruction · 4 years

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35 Q’s for Fanfic Writers

From this post

I’m having a shitty, rude alter-y, crap night so I’m just going to answer all of these to distract myself and focus and to not bother anybody just making my own post and putting it under the cut btw, notice to anyone not aware: since I’m moving I won’t likely be updating anything until I’m done doing so.

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!) 3/5? Could use more editing and description and can be weirdly paced.

2. Why do you write fanfiction? Because it’s better than focusing on pain 24/7.

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works? I don’t seem to have a specific narrative voice that people recognize but I’m pretty proud of mostly organic dialogue.

4. Are there any writers that inspire you? as a rule i never look up to anybody for inspiration but there’s some stuff in my ao3 bookmarks I fawn over.

5. What’s the fic you’re most proud of? Right now, none of them. It changes normally, anyway. If get too proud then I’d get my ass kicked by RSD if someone didn’t like it so it’s safer this way

6. What element of writing do you find comes easily? Dialogue.

7. What element of writing do you struggle with most? Organic description, poetic language kind of stuff. I can paint a scene but I’m not so great with bring out out a feeling with description alone.

8. Which character(s) do you find easiest to write? Janus and Virgil are probably tied. They both have things I struggle with but I don’t have to go back and do much adjusting of language and tone with them. Though admittedly my Virgil is signifigantly more foul-mouthed than canon and I tend to prefer pre-AA feral asshole Virgil.

9. Which character(s) do you find most difficult to write? Patton. I write him the least, so people can probably tell. I love Patton, I really do, but it’s so hard to keep away from fanon Patton.

10. What’s your favorite genre to write for? Angst w/ H/C obviously. Or if you’re talking about regular book genres, Fantasy. I fucking love fantasy world building.

11. Who or what do you find yourself writing about most? Trauma. I blame Daeram. As if Ayri isn’t a giant Angst Demon.

12. Tell us about a WIP you’re excited about. Slopes. I’m really into it. I’ve got three one shots running right now. Patrons can read the first part of the unnamed cat remus one, there’s also a coffeeshop au tropey nonsense one like eglantine & lycoris, but Slopes is addiction angst. Mmmmm. Virgil is addicted to coke and alcohol and will listening to his friends even be in time? Who knows, especially not me, but there’s already over 30k.

13. First fandom you ever wrote for? InuYasha. Or was it Harry Potter? Or shit, The Blue Sword? Fuck, I’ve been writing for a long time, I really have no idea.

14. What’s your favorite fandom to write for? Sanders Sides. The characters are the perfect dynamic for writing since they exist in balance of each other and the popular, easy to project on archetypes featured are incredibly fun to do basically any scenario with.

15. What’s the weirdest fandom you’ve ever written for? Weird storywise? Kingdom Hearts? I can’t even follow the plot anymore. Weird Fandomwise? Sanders Sides. Its simultainiously the fluffiest and angstiest nonsense at the same time.

16. Any guilty pleasure trope(s)? Vampires. Gay ones. Gay Vampires. I also love calm tol and angy smol.

17. A trope you’ll never, ever write for. Any tropes that normalize incredibly toxic behaviour or tropes that are inherantly ableist, but I can’t think of any.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written? Incorrigible continues to be complete nonsense.

19. Do you prefer canon-compliant, AUs, or something in-between? AUs. I mean closest I even have is canon-divergence other than a single short.

20. Gen fic or shippy stuff? I like it when there is gay nonsense along with a plot that is treated as more important than the relationship the most. But I like both. There’s more shippy stuff in tss so i read more shipping action by default.

21. Favorite pairing to write for? (platonic or romantic!) Anxceit/Sleepxiety, but in general, give me darksides or give me death/j

22. Do you listen to anything while you write? Almost everything I write has a special playlist I listen to to help me write it, but otherwise I listen to my Nyan playlist, an alter is picking the tunes, or a voidfam playlist. I never have music off. When my internet is down I just listen to the songs I own or Anxiety’s theme on loop.

23. Do you prefer prompts and challenges, or completely independent ideas? I’m fine with all of them. I love working with prompts but I tend to deviate. And I’ve never done a challenge since I can’t do deadlines and bad things happen bingo never sent me a card and I applied three times.

24. One-shots or multi-chaptered works? I am generally multi-chaptered stuff, but I’ve been working on a few one-shots lately that are much longer than most one shots.

25. Have you ever daydreamed about side adventures/spin-offs from your fic? Tell us about them! I was originally thinking of doing some little 13-year-old Dreaming!Roman (y’know, the one with a job) shorts but it turns out I just had an alter of that little bastard and that’s why I inexplicably know more about him then I ever even considered. I still might do them after Dreaming is done. But that’s paced so slowly who knows when that might happen. Otherwise I put stuff in my notes and just do shorts of it if I’m like “oh you know what’s cool???” but since I can’t daydream maybe this question doesn’t apply to me.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try? I want to do more autism stuff, and I’ve had it demanded a few times, but I’m scared of being that explict about it for some reason. Possibly because I might be, possibly because I’m scared of doing it wrong even though I’ve accidentally coded multiple characters autistic. I’m scared of explictly tagging them as such, too.

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received? That I can remember off the top of my head? I’m going with one from @a-genz-with-trauma-and-kins. It really helped me out and was just so kind and literally the best christmas gift I got in 2020.

28. How well do you handle criticism when it comes to your writing? I can handle it alright but Daeram is a little fucking pissbaby about it. Constructive criticism helps people get better, so I appreciate it. I can’t handle critism that is incomplete, though. “i just don’t get it” or “I don’t know I don’t like it” kind of things. If I can’t understand the why to fix it then things get out of control. And then I spiral and RSD for like four days minimum. If it came from an anon or a troll, too, It might not bother me for as long. Things that are just like “this is shit and you should feel bad” just make me laugh. Couldn’t even bother to read it long enough to insult me proper? I don’t care.

29. Have you ever gone outside of your comfort zone for a fic? How did it turn out? I have a few times. Mostly in shorts and prompts, I think. I think they turned out okay. They’re not particularly inspired or anything.

30. Tooth-rotting fluff or merciless angst? Depends on my mood. Am I triggered? give me the fluff. Am I vibin? Angst.

31. Do you have any OCs? Tell us about them! Fuck, fam, no, I can’t, I have so many. I have multiple original stories and some of them have very large casts and like holy fuck. Or do you mean in Sanders Sides fandom? Um, Morgan and Thorn in PD. The lesbian and her himbo dynamic. I love them. They’re dorks. Morgan is strong person with sharp tongue and soft romantic heart and Thorn is just so kind and so dumb and so exciteable he’s like a puppy. They were just filler characters and I got attached to them. Felton even gets redemption for being an ass later in PD, like oof i never intended to include so much OC content, especially for names I just picked randomly.

32. Summarize a random fic of yours in 10 words or less. nope I’m doing all of them because these are fun plea for my new self: 2 gay vampires, 4 humans, 1 braincell dreaming while I wake: trauma child needs therapy and so do you break: big oof, oh dragons, oh why, go virgil go rebuild: virgil is so not okay there’s more virgil to deal painful death: gay teens drink themselves into a new religion stargazing: whoops we didn’t realize people actually cared whole castle: everyone will throw down for kid!patton, even you incorrigible: found family with a shot of psychological horror and crack dangerous instincts: wholesome crime syndacite action slopes: addict gets mugged and thinks that’s just fine with him conflagration: logan avoids everything ever like a champ cat!remus: bored fae shifts gay pining from one person to another caffeine cyptids: caffinated gay panic goes faster than regular gay panic eglantine & lycoris: more tropes than you can toss a shoe at storytime: overpowered virgil also overreacts literally always

33. Is there anything you wish your audience knew about your writing or writing process? an alter and I write together and I have absolutely no idea what’s going to happen, what I’m writing about, or even what year it is. I often don’t even remember what I wrote. There’s no outline. I have an idea and I pick things at random for it. There’s just notes and an evil gleam in a demon’s eye. The only reason I know more than readers is because I take a long time to edit and some of these stories have fucking alters up in my head who can tell me things. Daeram tells me nothing. The writing demon supposedly has all this knowledge but I have absolutely no clue because he does not talk to me, he just fronts and slams out 9k in a few hours or we cofront to write and I’m like “oh no she didn’t” while typing

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of. i’m fond of the entire painful death series and I tried to find something I really liked without spoilers in stargazing and I couldn’t so here’s a random thing from incorrigble: “So, what do you do with your friends?” Patton continued on with a megawatt smile. “Grand larceny,” Virgil deadpanned and glared at Patton, who was taken aback. Remy and Andy just broke out laughing while Virgil tentatively sipped his still-too-hot-cocoa.

35. Ramble about any fic-related thing you want! slopes my dudes slopes i have learned so much about cocaine! like wow! I thought for a minute it was going to end with MCD around 30k but it swtiched from whump to hurt/comfort and I still don’t know if it’s going to be MCD but look at that funky little coke/alcohol addict go, it’s a medical wonder he’s alive! It’s not like there’s what seems to be a little talked about interaction between alcohol and cocaine that causes a toxic chemical to build up in the liver which can result in liver failure and sudden death at basically any moment! Which is part of why it may result in MCD but this time no ghosts! maybe it’ll be h/c with whump elements or maybe it’ll be whump with h/c elements we can’t know for sure

#ayri writes #tw drug mention

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normal-thoughts-official · 4 years

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Raphael and madzie!! please I will sell you my firstborn for some Raphael and madzie content. Like him babysitting and sleepovers and playing dress up and watching Disney movies together. Raphael wearing this tiara and him and madzie playing together. Baking and singing together, going on trips to the park together and Raphael just being so happy.-

-Like if you think about it they are technically cousins🤔 with the whole found family thing, Catarina and Magnus are siblings Raphael is Magnus’ son ergo madzie and Raphael are cousins but they still think of each other as siblings. Raphael is her big brother! Please🥺

ok anon i hope you know that you are literally my new favorite person in the whole wide world and this ask is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i will literally never shut the fuck up about raphael and madzie i will make this brotp a thing if it KILLS me just you watch

idk if id say they are technically cousins because i don’t know if catarina and magnus consider themselves siblings - definitely family for sure, but i get the feeling it’s more of a “generic” family feeling rather than a Specific Dynamic you know? but either way this is found family so it’s not like family tree/architecture is actually that stiff and matters that much, RAPHAEL IS MADZIE’S BIG BRO idc

and it’s literally canon that raphael is the best, most thoughtful, caring and dedicated older brother so like!!! honestly it’s what madzie deserves. she has a wonderful mom (two if you subscribe to dotarina raising madzie together <3) and underful uncles and a wonderful brother who is always on her side and would do anything for her, and that! is! fantastic!

especially because like madzie is implied to be used to big families, since iris was going around making an army of warlocks basically lmao and like of course that was an abusive family dynamic but the point is that she was used to having siblings. but she was also implied to be the eldest and now she is the youngest! and she gets to have a nice big bro who takes care of her and plays with her and has her as a priority and i just 🥺🥺🥺

and god not to be a slut for raphael and rosa but i picture raphael just telling madzie all that he could about rosa?? you know??? he’s all like “you have an older sister too, you know? it’s a shame you never got to meet” and madzie kind of tilts her head and asks him to tell her about it. so raphael does. he sits down with her and shows her pictures of the both of them together from their childhood up until her death, and he tells her all the stories he possibly can. he says, “she would have loved you just as much as me. she always wanted to be someone’s older sister. said she wanted to take care of them like i take care of her” and madzie is all like “she sounds sweet. i wanted to know her, too” and raphael tears up slightly and he’s like “yeah. yeah. me too, cariño” and she hugs him

and like not to slut over this but i like to think that raphael teaches madzie about the monarch butterflies and día de los muertos and one day they are playing outside and a monarch lands on madzie?? and madzie calls it “rosa” and the butterfly is just flying over her head, alternating between her and raphael, for the whole afternoon? and raphael chokes up. fuck it all the legends are true, i love this alright

just like.... obviously raphael’s relationship with madzie is not some kind of substitute for his relationship with rosa, because madzie deserves better than that and no one can be rosa but rosa. raphael loves madzie for madzie, because she is sweet but fierce, extremely intelligent and with a playful/slightly mischievous (in a good way) side that is slowly blooming as time goes by and she heals from her abuse more and more. she is also good, endlessly caring, kind, compassionate, imaginative, affectionate. madzie is madzie and that’s all she needs to be. but the idea that raphael has someone to share rosa with, even if madzie obviously doesn’t feel about her the same way raphael did as they never met, but to bring her into this new family in a way... and let madzie knows that she also has another sibling looking out for her, even if from another plane... that’s nice and good food okay. and i think madzie would want to know about her, just like she tells raphael about her other siblings from when she lived with iris, even if they never got to be too close (cuz i doubt iris would risk letting them become very close and eventually realize her abuse and possibly rebel against her)

maybe it’s madzie herself who brings it up, she asks raphael about the pictures in his home or about his “ave rosa” plaque 🥺 and he tells her about it and makes sure that she knows that he doesn’t love rosa more or less than he does madzie, just differently. they are both his little sisters no matter what

anyway! onto more rapha&madzie focused headcanons. first of all you are so correct about playing dress up and shit, raphael is a SIMP and a sucker for his lil sis so he absolutely will wear a tiara if she asks no questions asked. simon sees it one time and he doesn’t even consider making fun of him because raphael shoots him a glare that absolutely reads as “i double dare you, motherfucker”. not because uwu girly stuff just because he has this whole serious vibe and there he is with a tiara and tiny braids. we stan

also look i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again, raphael absolutely learns how to handle black/kinky hair for madzie. he was used to doing rosa’s hair but that was very likely straight or just wavy hair. madzie’s hair texture is different and raphael makes it a point to learn everything he can about how to take care of it and make hairstyles that she might like and won’t hurt her, okay? and yes i know that madzie straightens her hair but i like to think that over time she stops. i kinda headcanon that one of the reasons she did it was to look closer to iris, plus just the fact that as a white abuser i doubt she exactly planted it on madzie to love her natural hair. but over time living with catarina and being closer to a mostly-poc family and seeing maia and other beautiful black women with their natural hair and/or afro hairstyles, she stops straightening it, and everyone encourages her, raphael included. he even uses that, like, “i’ve been learning how to do these hairstyles for you, you know” and he shows her some and she gets so excited about trying them and it’s great

(initially he has catarina’s supervision, because again black hair is important and even if raphael is a moc he’s still nonblack. but catarina trusts him and he’s always so careful and makes sure to always listen to what she says, asks questions and all but takes notes lmao, so it works)

and baking!!! i mean look madzie is gonna be naturally prone to liking to bake, as a warlock and shit. and if regular kids already play with making potions, warlock kids are definitely even worse, especially because she does see catarina, dot, and magnus doing that all the time so it’s one of the things that she likes to mimick. and baking is basically potion making but edible and solid lmao. but like she loves it, mixing the batter, adding sprinkles, seeing as the textures change and the taste builds and stuff like that, you know? she’s definitely fascinated by it especially because she does it without magic and it’s just, wow, so cool to her?? and raphael as the cook that he is is more than happy to teach her, bake with her, and see her enthusiasm. raphael with oven mitts taking a batch of cookies out of the oven yall. i need a second

and like i absolutely subscribe to genius madzie because LOOK that girl is endlessly fucking smart and so intelligent especially for her age, not to mention powerful and observant and just, she’s brilliant. and with both catarina and magnus, huge nerd extraordinaires, and possibly maia because i like to pepper in the fact that maia and raphael are dating, she gets all the incentive she could possibly want to want to learn about both mundane science and magical theory

but in short like! raphael getting her those chemistry sets for kids, you know? where you have some recipes and you can mix up ingredients and they change color or otherwise change and shit? my friend had one of those when we were kids and my god i loved it so much, i was just fascinated. i think madzie definitely would love it, and raphael knows that she will, so he takes a whole day off for when he brings her this gift because he knows they will be playing all afternoon. and they do! she’s super excited about it and raphael as usual is all careful and teaching her how to do it properly without spilling and taking the measures appropriately and stuff. and it’s super sweet

initially they follow the recipes and raphael’s autistic ass is just delighted to do that, but madzie quickly starts doing some #improv, and again, because she is a genius, she quickly starts to figure out what each substance does. so she’s texting theories, trying out experimenting, seeing if she’s right, trying to asses her work? you know? basically literally a mini scientist using the scientific method and stuff and raphael is so proud of her and in awe of how smart she is and he tells her that she’s the smartest kid he’s ever met and kisses her forehead and she giggles and is just super excited??

also sometimes she asks raphael what he thinks and he’s just like “uhhh” because he has no idea lmao he’s just happy to see her do her thing and help her with the practical parts. and she giggles at him and she’s lowkey outraged but again, she’s just sweet and he loves her

i also 100% think it was madzie who figured out a potion to make raphael able to eat (oh look what is this fic that mentions that doing here) because FUCK mundane raphael all my homies hate mundane raphael, the heavenly fire made him a daylighter. and she could see how sad raphael was that he didn’t get to eat at all, especially because he clearly loved food and he always had this sort of longing when they were cooking together, you know? it also made her sad that he couldn’t try her cooking, and he was always telling her that to cook, you need to always taste what you’re making, and once she says “but you can’t do that” and he looked so sad she immediately felt bad about it, even if obviously it isn’t her fault

anyway my point is she knows how much this means for raphael and she wants him to be able to eat human food again, both for him and for herself. so she spends a long time studying vampire anatomy/digestive system, food properties, and magic, and she eventually figures out a potion that he can take before a meal that makes him able to eat. it goes slowly, initially he can only drink, but eventually she does figure out a way to make him eat anything and he just cries like a baby tbh. she is worried for a second but then he takes her in his arms and hugs her fiercely and peppers kisses on her face and says that this is one of the best things anyone’s ever done for him and that he’ll “forever be in her debt” or something that makes her laugh because raphael doesn’t owe her anything, he’s her brother. and he tears up all over again

of course that takes some years but they’re immortal so who cares. and catarina is SO proud of her little genius for that, too. raphael and maia include the potion as courtesy for any vampire who orders food at taki’s and share the recipe and it’s just a small revolution in the vampire world and madzie is already making history like hot damn. GENIUS MADZIE OKAY

but of course first and foremost she is a kid and deserves to be a kid, i just love her being naturally curious and interesting in researching and learning and stuff. but of course they also play a lot, and keep trying to out-cheat each other as she has magic and he has super abilities and the game becomes more seeing who can cheat the most and get away with it than anything else lol. and it’s its own brand of fun

also, raphael keeps trying to get madzie to eat healthy but the second he averts his eyes she’s like “abrakadabra this is now ice cream” and he’s SO frustrated. absolutely nothing can stop her from doing it. “if you eat these carrots i’ll buy you ice cream later”. guess what she can just turn it into ice cream now. your tactics are meaningless

also madzie playing dressing up! and she wants to be Stylish like her mom and her big bro and her uncle magnus but of course she’s a kid so her sense of style is essentially book magnus lmao but raphael 100% indulges her in all her endeavours and helps her make her outrageous outfits and shit. she likes colorful stuff as we’ve seen and he paints her nails and stuff. sometimes she makes herself mini suits mimicking or straight up matching raphael’s and raphael thinks it’s the cutest thing. especially when she like, imitates his blazer but keeps wearing a boa as well or something. aioudjsauihda i love kids and fashion can you tell

and she sometimes picks out clothes for him and guess what? raphael 100% wears them because it’s madzie and he is s o f t for her

and singing!!! and DANCING!!! there is no way raphael can’t dance no matter how hard he tries to pretend otherwise, and between him, dot, and magnus, madzie just loves to dance and becomes a great dancer in no time. raphael loves twirling her around. also him teaching her the jarabe tapatío you can’t tell me that she wouldn’t be all over that shit. the playing with the dress, the bright colors, dancing around the sombrero.... bitch she would love it. and they have so much fun doing their little improvised version of that and she claps and he has his hands behind his back and has the greatest smile on his face and she’s having so much fun

also raphael loves reading for her!!!! and eventually when they move away from reading books with pictures she starts creating her own “holograms” to illustrate the stories with magic, and raphael is so proud of her!! she’s just immensively creative and makes such beautiful illustrations for the stories and as raphael reads she changes around the setting she’s creating and it’s so fun and they both like it so much?? and she eventually falls asleep on his lap and he tucks her in and kisses her forehead and 🥺🥺

she also likes to paint and idk why but i have a feeling that raphael fucking sucks at painting, so that’s funny and he smiles and says that she has so much more talent than him...

and every time they are together raphael has the hugest smile on, it just doesn’t leave his face for a second. especially when they are playing outside in the sun and he just so fucking happy and basking in the warmth and playing with her, you know? and as madzie grows older, talking and just chilling together as well? you know? he just loves her so much and his cheeks almost hurt by the end and just aaaaaaaaa they are the sibling dynamic we DESERVE and DEMAND

#raphael santiago #madzie loss #shadowhunters #sh #brotp: a bright new sky #ask #anonymous #long post #like really long i got excited but i don't regret anything #rosa santiago #brotp: they're the same stars in mexico #maiaphael #real quick mention but there #catarina loss

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teeforhee · 4 years

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Fuck, I'm not sure I'll ever get over how much CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health service, it's the under-18s mental health service in Scotland) let me down as a kid.

It's like this. You're 11 and you're traumatised but you're scared of using that word, you don't know if you're allowed it, but you are traumatised. And you're so anxious you can't breathe most of the time, you can't sit down and speak to any of your friends, you can do your school work but you keep falling apart and everything feels like it's getting worse all the time. You don't fit in, you're weird and awkward but your schoolwork is good so you aren't worrying about your grades, you're not even sure why you feel this way (it's unprocessed trauma, but again, you don't feel like you're allowed that word). You're s/hing and struggling with suicidal ideation, and you're lucky enough to still trust authority figures, so you do what everyone says you should. You trust an adult. And she calls your GP, who is another adult you choose to trust, who you bare your heart to with all of these symptoms that make your feel sick to even acknowledge, and then they make you an appointment with CAMHS. You came in asking for treatment. They referred you to CAMHS. They did not explain what CAMHS was other than what the letters stood for. That's okay - it's treatment, right? They're gonna help. You can talk this through and they'll help- just gotta be careful you don't get institutionalised. You don't want that, yet.

You talk to a CAMHS worker. She's a psychologist. She says it's very likely you have autism to your mother after your first session. Your mother broaches the topic gently. You are overjoyed: there's an answer! oh fuck, this explains so much! but it's not treatment. It's a word. The psychologist puts you on a waiting list and you have 22 sessions of CBT with her, trying to unpack your trauma and trying to build up coping skills. So many of them feel like just denying the truth, so many of them feed into your magical thinking ("the one thing you can control is your thoughts, you must always control your thoughts, good things will happen when you control your thoughts and stop thinking the bad thoughts"), but it's treatment, mostly. You stop seeing her twice- once because you are trying to develop an eating disorder and having a mental health professional who wants to hear how you're doing is totally cramping your style (I wasn't actually trying to develop an ED really, I was trying to cope in ways other than s/h, in ways that felt honest to the situation and real and gave me a sense of control that "controling my thoughts" just wasn't doing). You come back for recovery. You tell her you want an eating plan. By the time she even considers an appointment with a nutritionist, you've moved past that stage in your recovery on your own. You stop seeing her again because you get into an abusive relationship who doesn't really like you having contact with people who aren't him, and he super super doesn't like you not being able to talk to him for a whole hour every week. That part isn't their fault: no one could be gotten me out of that until I decided to; believe me, everyone around me tried, and it didn't work until I wanted I to, the third time.

But I left, again, I was without support for 6 months, and when I came back it was after my father (the earliest source of my trauma) had died. They take 4 sessions compiling evidence as to what treatment i needed going forward, without telling me that was what they were doing (I was trying to build trust with an adult again after 6 months of constant reinforcing that I couldn't trust anyone but my abuser), and then an appointment with a psychiatrist and your mother and a new psychologist. They dismiss and justify the symptoms that most worry me, they have at this point turned down my request to be institutionalised multiple times (including after an aborted suicide attempt, I presume they thought that was fine because made it clear that I did want to live), and they say at the end of the meeting that they are going to give me an official diagnosis of autism and that after that CAMHS has nothing more to offer me.

They say that if after 22 sessions with a psychologist I am still struggling so much (bear in mind that probably close to half of those sessions I was concealing factors that were actively making my mental health worse and which were traumatising me) I clearly can't gain anything more from their service, and anyway, autism isn't a mental illness and CAMHS as a service can only help while waiting for/trying to get a diagnosis, or if you have a diagnosis or a disorder for which they could provide specialist treatment. My very obvious PTSD? nah, no big-T Traumas, and c-ptsd is way too hard to diagnose. I receive a hilarious letter detailing all of the evidence (I mean genuinely insightful but also fucking hilarious and I do want to note down funniest bits and post them hear at some point, stuff like "unusual speech was noted, (exclamations of 'wacky!' while describing his symptoms)") and then they refer me to a charity which, at time of writing, I have had 1 assessment phone call with, and am waiting for a call back for my next and first proper appointment.

They did not inform me when I was first referred that CAMHS is a diagnostic and specialist treatment service and if they did (this was well over two years ago now, I don't remember word-for-word what my GP told me), they did not tell me that meant that they would kick me out to a charity once they figured they couldn't label me with anything requiring specialist treatment. During our last sessions they were unyeildingly focussed on the trauma of my father dying and of the "shock" of my diagnosis (that I had been waiting for for 2 years. yes, very shocking/s) when those were not my biggest problems. My relationship with my father is complex and I won't get into it here, but suffice it to say that his death was the last step on a very, very long journey, and honestly one of the least traumatising.

I let them keep the focus there because I desperately hate talking about the actual, recent, debilitating trauma of being in lockdown with an abusive partner for 6 months. That shit hurts, I can't even say his name, but that is the thing that I need to unpack if I'm ever going to be able to go outside in the sun again.

Repeatedly ignoring the requests I made for specific treatment until past the point where I needed it anymore, not informing me how the service I was going to be working with for 2 years even worked in something so basic as "what is this for? what will happen to me if I get a diagnosis they can't give me specialised care for?", telling an 11 year old child that suicidal ideation is "not that serious", a fundamental misunderstanding of what I needed and wanted to hear ('normal' is not a helpful word. 'normal' tells me 'suck it up, everyone experiences this and they're all fine, you're normal, just think better' why are they all so adamant that I am normal? Not even considering my mental health I am an autistic bisexual gnc trans guy, we went past whatever 'normal' means a long time ago, fucking listen to me), at every single step of the way this system has left me in the same state I was before, the only improvement being through support from my friends, fucking Childline (gd fucking bless Childline volunteers, but still, I shouldn't have been getting so little support that that felt like my only option), mental health masterposts on Tumblr, chats with my (luckily) very nice guidance counselor (they're called pastoral teachers here but I know most folks reading this are American or are most familiar with the American school system) and what amounts to gritting my teeth and getting through it.

It was worth it, of course my life was worth it, of course I say the same thing every person who's attempted suicide says, I'm more grateful than words could possibly express that I survived, that I get to go home in a few minutes and feed my kitten and write and message my friends, but for fucks sake it didn't need to be this hard. And it doesn't need to be this hard. I'm not out of the woods yet, I'm still waiting on that second appointment with this charity, I'm still 3+ months behind at school, and I'm one of the lucky ones. My boyfriend has been hurt worse by CAMHS, left even more isolated than I was, even more traumatised by the way he was treated, and every single person I know who's been in this system agrees that it's deeply, deeply flawed.

I don't want people to have competitions over who's medical experiences are worse, who's country has the worst mental health system, who's been the most traumatised by their psychiatrists or lack thereof, please. Please don't make this the suffering Olympics. I'm just making this post cause I know, I know that other people have had similar experiences, whether with CAMHS or whatever their equivalent is. Mental health services need serious reform that puts patients first, listens to their needs and requests, that is well funded and well staffed by people who care about their patients wellbeing more than they care about controling other people's lives.

Austerity in the UK is a huge reason why this happened the way it did- my first psychologist left the service to go work somewhere that pays better, leaving just one newly-graduated psychologist that clearly had no idea what she was doing and didn't care to sympathise or show compassion for me.

This shit needs to change, because kids need help, and this is not good enough.

#mine #newt writes #oh boy ask to tag #tw s/h mention #tw school #suicidal ideation #tw eating stuff #tw food #tw eating #ed mention #tw suicide mention #ok to rb

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doof-doofblog · 4 years

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"I Think You're My Dad!"

Monday 5th October 2020

Good evening everyone! I hope you've all had an enjoyable weekend! I'm so happy to be back posting about a fresh new week on the Square. I'm not going to waste any of your time, let's just get right to it shall we? The episode starts this evening with Linda, obviously reeling from the events the night before. But what is she more guilty about, kissing Max or having a gulp of alcohol?! Mick and Tina join her in the living room, Tina also appears to reeling from the night before. I love the way she comes in complaining about how Frankie has been giving her the eyes all week, end up rejecting her as soon as she makes a move - and of course while Tina is talking about this, the only thing Linda has to say is "Just because you enjoy someone's company doesn't mean you need to stick your tongue down their throat!" - she's obviously speaking about herself and Max there! I love that, how it links with both Linda's situation and Tina's situation, it's brilliant! As Linda leaves the room, she suggests cooking a meal for both her a Mick that night. The next section, Tina is trying to understand why Frankie would give her the cold shoulder, as she's discussing it to Mick, he is - as nicely as possible, trying to persuade Tina to stay away, but Tina takes the conversation completely the wrong way and thinks that Mick is suggesting that Frankie is just shy, Tina then comes to the conclusion that Frankie absolutely fancies her! Is this still going to end in heartbreak for Tina?

At the Atkins household, Mac is trying to wake his Father up. We can see from the state of the room that Gray has been looking through some paper work, is it about Chantelle or could it in fact be revolving around Whitney's upcoming trial? The boy is trying to wake his Dad up, as he is absolutely flat out on the bedroom floor! Something tells me that Gray isn't coping, isn't coping under the pressure of trying to hide the fact that he murdered his wife? The fact the he has Whitney's trail coming up soon? Or is he just simply still grieving for his wife as regretting his huge mistake? As his son shouts at him to wake him, his phone begins to ring ... from what I can make out, the paperwork spread out on the bed, definitely has something to do with Whitney's trial!

At the Panesar's, Suki and Ash are discussing both Kheerat and Vinny. As Suki enters the room she is carrying a basket of dirty laundry. She asks her daughter whether she has seen her brother, Ash informs her that he didn't come back to the house until the early hours of the morning. Kheerat is still devastated about Chantelle, he's still grieving for the woman he grew to love. As Suki is saying that Kheerat needs to move on, (of course she's such a disheartening woman) - she finds Jag's jeans with a blood stain on the bottom, Martin's blood. You can she is absolutely livid, she frets that what if the police had searched the flat and found his stained jeans, the family could've been in huge trouble. Ash tells her not to worry, but I think deep down, Suki is thinking about teaching her son a lesson. As this is happening, Jags is at the restaurant with Habiba, she is praising him of how proud she is of him finally standing up to his Mum, as she is complimenting her boyfriend, Iqra sees them from a distance, it's clear to her that they have been dating, she's glad to see her sister looking happy, she suggests to them to finally come out and make their relationship public, much to Jag's surprise, Habiba agrees and sets a time to tell Jags' family.

At the Mitchell household, it looks as if Phil is running past Callum some things he wants him to check out at the police station, does he want to know how much the police have on him? No matter how small it may be! As Callum agrees, Ben enters the room, to which Phil responds to leaving the room. Ben knows that his Dad his boyfriend to do something. Callum reveals that actually he wants him to check all the files of Raymond's adoptive family, clearly this is going to be Phil's way of getting all the information that he needs to set up a case for maybe fighting for custody? Ben's concern is Callum could lose his job if he keeps helping his Dad, but he reassures his boyfriend that everything will be under control.

Meanwhile, at the Prince Albert, Tina is finally catching up with Frankie. She informs her of how great and successful her Drag Bingo night was! At first the conversation between them both seems friendly, they're both smiling and laughing. It's only when Tina turns to conversation around and mentions her advances the night before, Frankie starts to go cold, Tina tries to reassure her that it's okay to be shy, she in fact finds it really cute. Frankie stands her ground and insists that she's not shy, something is possibly telling me that Frankie isn't really gay? Or maybe she is but yet knows she can't get too close to Tina? I'm unsure. As soon as Tina mentions the photos that Frankie has taken of her and her family, Tina plays - thinking it's because she has a crush on her and reaches for the camera on the side of the bar. As she does so, Frankie lunges towards it at the same time and the camera ends up falling off the bar counter and smashes. Frankie is left devastated as Tina is more than apologetic.

Whilst this is happening, Max finds Linda in the laundrette, you can sense the awkwardness between them. Linda is clearly not wanting to be anywhere near Max right now, as Mick mentioned earlier in the soap, she was meant to be meeting up with Max and children so they could have a little play-date. As Max questions where she had been, Linda shrugs it off and uses the excuse of taking Ollie to school instead. This seems like a reasonable explanation, Max tries to apologise, insisting that what happened between them last night, he doesn't want to affect the children's friendship and play-dates. Linda assures him that the children will still have their time to play together, as he goes to leave the building, a tiny little voice emerges from the back, calling for his Mummy, we see the tiny silhouette of little Ollie. Max turns gets the message instantly as he looks at Linda, with that, he leaves.

Then at the Minute Mart, Suki and Vinny are discussing a message that Jags has sent them all, meeting at the Vic to show them something and begging them to not be angry. Vinny tries to assure his Mother that it'll be an apology for the way he behaved the night before. Suddenly, a Detective enters the shop, as they both clap eyes on him, Suki signals for Vinny to leave the room as she speaks with the Detective. It appears that due to no one coming forward or them not being able to find any form of finger-prints or DNA as to who attacked Martin Fowler and who broke into the shop, they will be closing the case and moving on to other things. Of course this is the news Suki has been waiting for! This must surely mean that Vinny is in the clear?! She puts on a front to the Detective and as she plays victim, but truthfully she'll be as pleased as punch!

The next scene, we're at Ruby's club where Gray is meeting his colleague, Laura. We learn from this meeting two things. One - Whitney's day in court is coming up, and two Chantelle's funeral is tomorrow! Gray is insistent that he is wanting to come to court to fight for Whitney, I guess you could say that he begs his colleague to let him take on Whitney's case. It's true that he's been doing everything he can to win Whitney's case and to stop her going to prison, he has been working so so hard, but Laura worries that he might not be in the right frame of mind, considering he's just lost his wife. But Gray is adamant, he makes the point that he has the rest of his life to grieve for Chantelle, if she'll just let him do this for Whitney. What do you think? I'm not sure what to think of this one, I could be completely wrong, but I think with all the stress and pressure that Gray is under right now, plus I guess you could say he is grieving to - I think he could potentially ruin Whitney's case and balls it all up! That's just my guess, but who knows what's going to happen? Will he be able to pull it off and help Whitney?!

Back at the Prince Albert, Tina is informing Mick about her encounter with Frankie. She tells him everything, on how she's feeling guilty and embarrassed for making a move on the poor girl, to then accidently causing her to smash her camera. Mick tells his sister again that it might be best if she was to stay away, but Tina goes on to mention to Mick the similarities between Frankie and the Carter family. Mainly Ollie, she mentions to him that Frankie supposedly had a younger brother who was Ollie's age, who was also autistic, as Mick is taking in all this information, I think he's come to realise there is something more dodgy about Frankie than he first realised. What is she playing at? What is her game and what does she want with the Carter family? As Mick is bringing together his thoughts about Frankie, Linda calls him, asking him to come an pick his son up. Little do we know that as she hangs up the phone, Frankie has appeared at the laundrette. Ollie is wanting to go to the park, so Frankie offers to take him, much to Linda's surprise. As a precaution, Linda asks her son if he feels comfortable going to the park with her, the little boy nods and Linda agrees to let Frankie take him. Is she making a big mistake? What is Mick going to think when he finds out? As this storyline goes on, I'm really intrigued to see what happens - I can't wait for Frankie's big reveal!

At the Vic, Habiba can be seen looking pretty nervous for what is about to happen. Vinny, Ash and Suki are waiting for Jags to turn up, they're speculating what Jag's news could be. As Suki makes herself comfortable, Jags enters the bar and approaches his family, he announces "I'd like to introduce my girlfriend!" he looks over and Habiba approaches them from the other end of the bar. Ash and Vinny are clearly in shock, Vinny - more disbelief! Ash's response is that her girlfriend, Habiba's sister, Iqra never mentioned anything to her. Habiba is shy and polite as she greets Suki with a cupcake. Suki looks at her up and down, asks the question whether they are serious about each other and that's when Jags and Habiba admit that they do in fact love each other. Everyone is visibly happy for the couple, all except Suki! We can see the glare in her eyes, but once again, she puts on a front and welcomes Habiba to the family. She insists that all that matters to her is her children's happiness, but as she leaves the Vic, we can see that she is less than impressed and chucks her cupcake in the bin!

Back at the Prince Albert, Mick sees Linda approaching, he notices that Ollie isn't with her. He asks whether Max has taken him to the park, but Linda then reveals that he's actually with Frankie. Mick's face drops! Of course, Linda can't understand why Mick is so concerned, she tells him that Frankie is good and she knows about autistic children, but that doesn't stop Mick in his tracks as he dashed off to collect his son. Meanwhile, Callum is shining Lexi's tap shoes all ready for her dance grading. Ben is surprised to his boyfriend at home, asking whether he should be working. Callum assures him that he wouldn't miss Lexi's dance for the world, he'll go to the police station tomorrow instead. He then goes on to explain to his boyfriend that, just because he's helping Phil out now and again, it doesn't mean that things have to change between them. He reveals that the only reason he's helping Phil out, is for Ben alone. As Ben goes to help his daughter find her dress, Callum gets a phone call - from what we can make out, the police station. It looks as if he's needed at the station promptly, he tries his best to explain that he can't do what they're asking him right now, but as he hears more he realises he has to leave. Could this mean he's going to miss Lexi's dance? Will there be more disappointment ahead for Ballum?

Back with Suki, we can see she's in cafe! At first I'm watching this feeling very confused, it looks like she's talking to herself? Is she trying to find the right words to say to Jags about his relationship with Habiba?! We hear her saying things such as looking after her children and not wanting them to make the wrong choices in life ... OH MY GOD! My jaw has just dropped!!! She's only gone and stitched her own son up for the attack on Martin!!! She's sat with the Detective and in a plain see-through bag, we can see Jag's blood-stained jeans. I don't know about you guys, but I think Suki has become one of the most nastiest females on the soap that we've seen for a long time! I don't think there's been an evil female since Janine, perhaps? Is Suki up there with Janine? Do you hate her as much as I do! I'd love to know your thoughts on Suki!

At the park, Mick has finally found Frankie with Ollie. Mick demands to know where Ollie is, Frankie points and we can see the young boy playing happily in the park. Frankie apologises for worrying him and assures him that Ollie is fine. But Mick is having none of her politeness, he knows something about her isn't quite right. He tries to be sympathetic with her, saying that how she losing a young brother must've been hard for her, but he needs to know what's going on. He decides to ask her all the important questions there and then, why is she so interested in their family? Why has she been leading Tina on? Frankie apologises for leading his sister on, she tries to simply say that she just wanted to be her friend, wanted to be Linda and Mick's friend also. But something doesn't fit right with Mick, why did she take the photos? Frankie realises that this conversation is beginning to escalate, she tells him to forget about it, but he simply can't. What does she want with his family? It's then that Frankie drops the huge bombshell - she believes that Mick could in actual fact be her Dad!

Now, as big as that reveal is! My first question is, who could is Frankie's mother? As far as I know, Mick as only ever been with Linda, as far as they've made out, they've been together since school? Mick and Linda are childhood sweethearts, right? So who the hell could be Frankie's mother? Did Mick perhaps cheat on Linda years back? Was it a one-off? Is Frankie the result of a one night stand? I know these are so many questions, but this is what's running through my mind at the moment! We know there's going to be a new character arriving in the Square, and they also have something to do with the Carter family, the name of the new character has not yet been revealed, all we know is that it's a female. Could she be Frankie's Mum?! It might make perfect sense, Frankie appears to be on her own at the moment, we don't know where she has come from or who her family are. Is EastEnders going to be working on a full story for Frankie, is she going to become a more regular part of the soap and have her own Mother move to the Square, just to make life hell for Mick and the Carter's? I think it makes perfect sense! I am so convinced that that is what is going to happen. I could be completely wrong, but I am so looking forward to seeing how Frankie's story progresses, I really like her character and I hope she'll be a part of the soap for the foreseeable future.

Please feel free to leave me message, I'd love to know your thoughts on tonight's episode. I'll be back tomorrow following Tuesday's episode. Goodnight and sweet dreams everyone! xXx

#eastenders #mickcarter #frankielewis #lindacarter #tinacarter #benmitchell #philmitchell #callumhighway #ballum #suki panesar #jags panesar #vinnypanesar #ashpanesar #habibaahmed #iqraahmed #maxbranning #martinfowler

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velkynkarma · 5 years

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Why Brandon Sanderson Is an Amazing Writer (and Why You Should Read His Novels)

Last week I was recommending some novels to @bosstoaster and was really struggling to not fan squeal all over the place about just how incredible Sanderson’s novels are. Usually, when this happens, I try to pick 1-2 things I like about his writing to talk about, so I don’t talk a person’s ear off...but that usually means so much gets left out.

But I’ve been thinking about it since, so you know what? I can do whatever I want on my blog. So here’s my full, unadulterated breakdown of all the things that are so damned incredible (and consistent) about Brandon Sanderson’s novels (as well as his writing methodology).

Does contain minor spoilers, but not for anything huge, and I tried to keep even the minor spoilers vague.

PLOT

Incredible world-building—that isn’t generic medieval fantasy-land

I love fantasy as much as the next person, and I enjoy most generic medieval fantasy stories if the plot or characters are great. But Sanderson’s always exploring different kinds of worlds, and entering them is always engaging. Magical cowboy western? A world continually buffeted by enormous hurricanes on a regular basis, so everything evolved to survive them, including the flora and fauna? A world where ash constantly falls? A world that is literally the embodiment of thought and concept? There’s always something exciting to discover.

Incredible magic systems

Like the generic medieval fantasy world-building, I’m used to the D&D style magic systems with energies and fireballs. Sanderson doesn’t touch these kinds of magic systems, though, and I’m continually stunned at just how creative the ones he does use are. Ingest metal, and use it to activate a latent power of yours? Bonding with the literal living embodiment of a concept in order to gain abilities? Re-writing the history of an item so it believes it can be different, and it changes? Using color as payment for a system based entirely around souls and soul coding? The list is long and always entertaining. He’s even written a whole article about how to design magic systems, which is also worth a read.

Really good at the ‘good’ kind of plot twists that leave you genuinely satisfied

I know we’ve all been frustrated by the recent trend that media seems to have these days: viewers or readers guess the direction the plot is heading in, and creators, in a panic, throw in a completely unrelated plot twist (changing the whodunnit, killing off a character, adding a resolution that makes no sense). Those suck. Let’s be real.

Sanderson does the opposite. He leaves the clues in his stories—they’re always there, and you can figure it out with the context clues, if you’re clever. If you’re not, he’s real good at throwing in twists that are hinted at, but still feel incredibly impactful and really satisfying. The end of The Emperor’s Soul still gives me chills, and I still love the twists regarding the big bads in Mistborn and The Stormlight Archive.

Also? He genuinely will catch you by surprise, sometimes. I consider myself to be a pretty experienced reader, and a decent writer. I can usually tell where plots are going for most stories. That’s satisfying, of course. But Sanderson has a way of still managing to sucker-punch me with a plot twist or reveal that feels shocking in a good way. I don’t see a lot of these coming, but the result isn’t disappointment, it’s a “holy crap—wow, how cool!” followed by an intense desire to reread half the story to pick out the clues that were sitting in front of me the whole time, now that I know what they’re actually for.

Really interesting meta-level stories

Depending on how invested you want to get, there’s a meta-level of interconnected story with the Cosmere. All of Sanderson’s stories are enjoyable on their own, and you’re never required to go deeper. But if you want to, you can, and suddenly there’s a whole second layer of information and characters in the background that you never really noticed, because most of his stories are actually connected to each other too. You don’t have to know who Hoid is or how he contributes to each separate story, you don’t have to be able to find the crossover characters that have literally crossed over from other books, and you don’t have to understand the whole Shards angle, and you can still enjoy all those books on an individual basis. But when you do know how to spot them in the narratives, it’s really fun, and you feel like you’re in on a great secret.

CHARACTER

Only male author I’ve ever read that actually writes GOOD female characters

Brandon Sanderson seems to have hit on the not-so-secret secret that most male authors—who dominate the fantasy genre—haven’t seemed to figure out yet: women are people too.

Consequently, Sanderson writes incredible varieties of female characters, each with their own personalities and quirks, who don’t necessarily fall into the “damsel in distress” or “masculine-coded action lady” stereotypes. See the politically savvy Sarene, the scholarly Shallan, the clever and artistic Shai, rebellious and somewhat childish Siri, the formal and analytical Steris. (These are literally just the ladies with names that start with S).

But it gets better. Because even with action-hero ladies, they still have characterizations outside of ‘being a lady that beats people up like a man and strives to be as unlady-like as possible to prove she can beat people up like a man.’ Vin might be an action heroine, but she’s also a young woman who’s learning how to have a family, who’s scared of opening up to people, and who’s insecure about her place in the world. Marasi wants to be part of law enforcement, but admits to another character that she also likes the make-up and dresses and looking pretty—and she hates that people expect her to be a masculine action-lady that wears pants and starts fights, because she feels like she won’t even be seen in her field if she doesn’t, and like she has to represent all women.

But I think the biggest example of this comes from his short story Shadows for Silence in the Forests of Hell, which (despite its edge-tastic title), is about a mother trying to protect her daughter. Sanderson wrote it as a part of the anthology Dangerous Women, and in his post-script on the story in Arcanum Unbounded, he writes:

“I thought for a long time about the nature of an anthology called Dangerous Women. I worried that the stories submitted to it might fall into the trope of making women dangerous all in the same way....I didn’t want to write just another cliched story about a femme fatale, or a woman soldier who was basically a man with breasts.

What other ways could someone be dangerous? I knew early on that I wanted my protagonist to be a middle-aged mother.”

In short, Sanderson actually understands how women work and writes actual, believable, likable female characters, who are just people and not sexual objects or prizes for men to receive at the end of the novel. It’s something we need, and it’s refreshing to see.

But on that note—he’s not afraid to let his male characters be softer either

In the same way that most female characters in fantasy are forced to be masculine-like action ladies, most male characters are also forced into the same role. There’s this misunderstanding that male characters have to all be sword-swinging barbarians who can’t have emotions.

Sanderson punts this misunderstanding out the window and will have none of it.

There are so many good male characters in this series too that don’t immediately make you want to cringe. Look at Elend, who’s an intellectual doing his best but genuinely screws up a lot, and is all but useless for the first half of the series as a combatant. Look at Wayne, and his heartbreaking moment at the end of Bands of Mourning, who grieves for a person who’d been family to him and isn’t afraid to show how much he cares. Look at Adolin, who seems like the quintessential sword-swinging action-oriented jock, but then completely subverts all expectations by patiently and carefully helping characters with mental illnesses deal with them on their bad days, and being unhesitatingly supportive of his autistic brother. Look at Gaotona, who spends the whole book trying to educate someone on how they’re wrong—only to learn from them instead, and realize he was wrong, and to admit to it.

Men have their soft moments, written by a male author who’s not afraid to put those moments into his works. And that’s really good, too.

In general, just really good characterization

Sanderson’s characters feel like people. They have oddball quirks, realistic-sounding conversations, and occasionally do things that make no sense. Just like friends, family, coworkers, etc that you and I all no doubt know. Hammond’s philosophical rambling (and Breeze’s frustrated bickering over it), Lift making it her life goal to steal dinners, Wayne’s justification for his kleptomania since he ‘trades’ items instead, David’s weird speech patterns and idioms—these characters are just fun to read, and have extra layers that just make them feel more real.

His books have a strong non-romantic relationship focus

Media in general is inundated with romantic and sexual relationships, and doubly so for fantasy novels—especially when fantasy novels often have a ‘prize’ romance at the end of the epic journey. Save the girl, get the girl. It can be frustrating, especially for people who aren’t interested in romance as a genre (there is a reason a lot of us are reading fantasy novels, and not romance ones).

Sanderson loves focusing on all kinds of relationships though, not just romantic ones. Found family, real family, strong platonic friendships, mentorships, interesting rivals, bonds out of duty—they’re all in here, and Sanderson’s not shy about making it clear. Look at Kelsier openly telling Vin he wishes he and his wife had a daughter like her and admitting he sees her as one, or the way the rest of the team turns her into their little sister that they all teach and protect. Look at Wax taking in Wayne, a scared kid who’d gotten in over his head and didn’t know what to do. Look at Kaladin looking at an entire band of slaves and going, ‘yeah, you’re all mine now and I protect you all,’ and how he forms a whole family out of Bridge Four that ultimately turns around and takes care of him, too (and of course, a lot of Kaladin’s story is driven by his own relationship with his actual family, specifically his younger brother). Look at Shallan doing all that she does at the start of the series to protect her brothers. Look at Prof struggling so hard to protect his little band of Reckoners even as he struggles to protect them from himself. Look at Shai and Gaotona, how they’re set up as prisoner and jailer, and yet they grow to ultimately respect each other.

I could go on and on, but the point is, these non-romantic relationships are everywhere, and they are considered to be just as important as—and sometimes more important than—romantic relationships.

But on the flip-side, his romantic relationships are very well handled

Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a big fan of romance or shipping. It generally doesn’t hold my interest. In most books, I skim or skip the romance parts, because I’m just not invested in those relationships. They feel flimsy.

I don’t do that with Sanderson’s works. They’re the only books I’ve ever read where I genuinely feel invested in the characters’ romantic relationships.

Because here’s the thing: all of these characters that are romantically involved, are also good friends, and that’s the basis of their entire relationship to begin with. And that means these relationships are accessible to everyone, regardless of romantic inclinations or interests.

Adolin and Shallan just joking around and bantering, with him teaching her how to use swords, with her rattling off witty repartee to defend him in verbal spars? When they just genuinely enjoy each others’ company, without having to constantly make out or have sex to indicate why they like being around each other? That’s genuinely fun. It’s some lovely character interaction. Maybe I don’t “get” the parts where they want to do more romantically inclined things, but I can enjoy that they legitimately enjoy being around each other, that they’re good friends as well as romantic partners, and that they trust each other. And that means I can still be engaged in their relationship instead of yawning and skipping ahead a few pages.

Which brings me to:

He also takes common romantic tropes...and throws them in the garbage bin

Sanderson has other ways of handling romantic relationships that I (as a person who doesn’t like romance) finds so impressive it deserves its own section. Because he takes common romantic tropes, and subverts them, and makes the characters all the more healthy for it.

On at least two occasions (in Stormlight Archive, and in the sequel Mistborn series), Sanderson has set up a classic love triangle...and then immediately broken it. In one novel, one of the male love interests graciously offers to back out if it will mean the female love interest is happy, because he really just wants her to be happy even if that means he’s not around, and she chooses him anyway...whereupon he makes it clear he’ll definitely help her with her mental health and he wants to be supportive of her. Holy shit, what a wild notion, an actual supportive character in a love triangle. In the second series, the love triangle gets set up, but ultimately broken when the man ultimately chooses the arranged marriage over the ‘true love’ angle, and then realizes he actually, legitimately enjoys the company of the lady in the arranged marriage, and the ‘true love’ love interest realizes that actually, that would have been a terrible idea and she wants to pursue her career. Again, a refreshing and ultimately all-around healthy take for all the characters on something that normally has some nasty fallout.

In Mistborn, my first introduction to one of Sanderson’s series, I remember being genuinely floored and in awe of Elend’s and Vin’s relationship...because Vin is still really nervous about opening up to people and not comfortable with intimacy, and Elend is completely okay with that. He takes it slow with her, lets her set the pace, and doesn’t force her to do anything before she’s ready. Vin is most comfortable just being around/near him without doing anything inherently romantic, just being in his presence, and he is completely cool with that. And that’s such a healthy thing to see in a romantic story, because it’s really important for readers to see that yes, it’s totally OK to not rush into things, and yes, it’s totally OK for people to take it slower or easier for an uneasy partner.

I could go on and on, but basically, romantic relationships in Sanderson’s novels are also engaging because a lot of the time? They’re healthy, and friendly, and toss most dramatic romantic subplots out on their ass.

While on that note?

He doesn’t do sex scenes

This one might be a loss for some, but it’s a win for me. Depending on how I feel on a given day, I’m either ‘irritated by’ to ‘really uncomfortable by’ sex scenes in novels...and unfortunately they’re prevalent, especially in fantasy novels. I usually end up uncomfortably flipping through these pages, trying to figure out where the scene ends so I can get back to the actual story.

I honestly can’t think of a sex scene in any of his novels though. In fantasy, it’s stunningly refreshing, and I feel super safe and comfortable reading his novels because I don’t have to worry about uncomfortable surprises. Plus, circling back to the above points, it’s kind of nice to see characters having established relationships without it having to be solely reliant on them having a good or bad sex life.

Has LGBT+ relationships

Yup, they’re there, and edge past ‘strongly implied’ to ‘blatantly stated’ in some cases too. Offhand, I can think of a pair of men in the Stormlight Archive who are noted to be in a relationship with each other, and a lesbian gunsmith in the second Mistborn series.

What I find important is not just the inclusion of these blatant relationships, but also how it’s treated as completely normal and not taboo in the context of these worlds, too. Non-straight relationships aren’t treated like a scourge or a difficulty these characters have to deal with; it’s just normal in these realities.

Additionally, what I really like about them is the way other characters will get called out about it if they do cross a line (usually accidentally). In the above cases, Kaladin makes an ignorant off-hand remark about his gay Bridge Four soldier and is immediately called out about it by the rest of the Bridge Four gang, whereupon he realizes he’d crossed a line and apologizes right away. In the Mistborn series, Wayne repeatedly makes passes at lesbian gunsmith Ranette, who spurns his advances. But when he realizes she’s actually into girls, he backs off and respects that, rather than insisting on her dating him. These are some nice little lessons on how straight people actually should react regarding their non-straight friends and family, and normalizes non-straight people existing in society.

Sanderson has also been openly responsive to and cool about people interpreting his characters in non-straight relationships or reading “implied” relationships/romantic subtext, even if he hadn’t originally intended to put them there. Offhand, I can think of one situation where a reader told him he probably didn’t realize “just how bi” he’d written Shallan in regards to her interactions with Jasnah, to which Sanderson’s response was basically, “Well that wasn’t on purpose, but alright, cool, cool.”

Also very good about inclusivity for mental illnesses and disabilities

While we’re on the topic of inclusivity, let’s talk mental illnesses and disabilities as well, because Sanderson is great about including these too. In Stormlight Archive alone, we have:

Renarin, who in addition to having some physically disabilities (specifically, seizures and being physically weak), is confirmed by Word of God to be on the autistic spectrum. And he’s treated with respect and support by his family members and friends. His father shows up to meetings or events he wants to go to, just so he can feel comfortable going to them to show interest in things men typically aren’t supposed to. His brother protects him fiercely in combat but also does his best to give him space to grow, and understands that his brother is incredibly intelligent but sometimes just needs a little time to organize his thoughts or figure out how to communicate. Kaladin understands his physical disabilities immediately and is able to give advice on how to deal with them. The entirety of Bridge Four adopts him as another brother. Jasnah finds another way. I could go on, but basically, Renarin is great

Kaladin has clinical depression, and possibly some form of PTSD, even if they don’t have the technical words for this in-universe. He really struggles with this a lot in the series. Despite that, other characters look out for him a lot, and this creates some genuinely tender moments.

Shallan rapidly developing some identity disorders. Actually breaks down and admits this to another character. The other character is fiercely supportive of her despite that and doesn’t give up on her so easily

Lopen doesn’t have an arm, but despite being physically disabled, Kaladin still immediately values him and he finds a place on the team. He’s also just...legitimately chill about being an amputee, makes missing arm jokes all the time, and doesn’t seem terribly bothered by it. I believe Sanderson even stated that there’s no real tragic story behind the missing arm...it’s just Lopen. That’s it.

Teft struggles with substance abuse and insecurity, but the entirety of Bridge Four is super supportive in helping him break it

There’s a character who ends up paralyzed from the waist down over the course of the series. She thinks she’s done for and her life is over, but her mentor keeps encouraging her to try things anyway.

Honestly, this series is enormous—there’s probably a ton more I’m not even remembering off-hand.

All of this is usually handled pretty tactfully and often brings in some really heartwarming character interactions when characters struggle with issues and other characters help them overcome them. Do you like hurt/comfort and whump in fanfiction? Sanderson does this in actual fiction. It’s great.

WRITING METHODOLOGY

He actually takes the time to write good stories

Sometimes a long-awaited book in a series coughDeathlyHallowscough comes out and you just know it was rushed. You can see it in the way the plot threads are resolved, in the way some threads are just never resolved and end up hanging there open-ended, in the way the epilogues are short and empty.

Sanderson doesn’t do this. He’s pretty transparent about it on his Twitter, where he’ll post updates on his writing progress percentages. Sometimes he apologizes for a delay on a book, because he wants to make sure it’s done right or he works out a plot point just so, or he needs to go back and re-read some old material to make sure there’s no hanging plot points.

This is good. This is great. This means he genuinely cares about his work, and he wants to produce good content. I will happily wait an extra couple months if it means the book that’s going to sit on my shelf for years to come has a satisfactory start, middle and end.

He’s always ready to give advice to up-and-coming writers, and he’s great about fandoms

Sanderson has a whole segment on his blog devoted to answering questions about writing. He also has a whole series of lectures available for free online. I’ve even heard him in podcasts and blogs in other things. He’s not shy about giving advice and encouraging up and coming writers, and he’s always so encouraging about it too. He’s also totally cool with fanfiction, unlike some big name authors out there who get very elitist about fandoms and the comparative “worthlessness” of fanfiction.

Some of his novels are available for free, right now, on his website

A bunch of his novels and novellas are available totally for free on his website, which means additional accessibility for people who don’t have the cash for books, ebooks, or audio books, and don’t have time to get to a library.

Many of them are also available as audiobooks, which means you can probably snag them through your local library’s audio book checkout system as well.

In conclusion

Brandon Sanderson rocks, his stories rock, and everyone who likes fantasy should really give them a shot, for all of the above reasons.

#Brandon Sanderson #honestly this writer's work is what I aspire to one day achieve #and I will unapologetically spend two hours writing up this hugeass post about all the good points of his works #because they are so good #give them a shot guys for real

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