#anyways. what a way end an outstanding show

[khunvegas]

tinn might have waited for 2 years and then some to kiss gun but you best believe my little man fourth was cheering for finally getting his kiss. the crowd cheered.

[psqqa]

truly ted lasso gave us the best gift a show could ever give a fandom: complete lack of confirmation or denial either way

[asahicore]

real me, real you - psh

pairing. sunghoon x fem!reader (ft. jay... sorry)

synopsis. You’re your school’s popular pretty smart girl, but with a twist - you lead a completely different life at home, where you are messy, lazy and foul-mouthed. Only your family and best friend Sumin know about this, until Park Sunghoon, of all people, finds out. The resident cold and arrogant heartbreaker of your school decides to blackmail you into doing his biddings - but you can’t say no, not even when he asks you to be his fake girlfriend, otherwise he’ll ruin your reputation. But as you and Sunghoon get closer, you realize that maybe he’s not so bad after all, and you may be more similar than you'd originally though - all while your old childhood friend Jay watches from the sidelines.

genre. fake dating, high school au, very slight love triangle action, fluff and angst

warnings. this is the first thing i ever wrote so there may be slightly cringe and awkward things but i didn't wanna change anything lol, hoon is a meanie at some point and everything is dramatic and very fanfic-y, mild childhood trauma for both of them <3

word count. 22.9k

author's note. @end-hyphen genie this one is for you... i hope you still like this fic after all this time lol ! as i said in the warnings i only changed a few typos and punctuation from the original but i decided to not make any major changes bc i think it's nice to see what my writing was like when i had just started out!! hopefully i've improved lol, also this was not inspired by true beauty!! i've never seen the show nor read the webtoon. i was inspired by two mangas called switch girl and kare kano (or his and her circumstances) which have this plot of a girl being two different people at school and at home. anyways hope u guys enjoy this and if u do pls lmk <333

Nobody was supposed to find out.

You were the most popular girl in school, known for your looks, good grades, and kind personality. You had a nice group of friends and the whole school at your feet, students and staff alike. As the student representative, you had an image to keep up and needed everyone to think you were perfect; and they did. So you always wore a smile on your face, kept your head up and made sure your uniform was creaseless, all while maintaining the highest scores in your year. Always being friendly to your peers and helping them out prevented anyone from thinking you were a stuck-up goody-two-shoes. You made high school look like a breeze.

But such a life didn’t exist. Who was happy waking up at 6 a.m. every day and dedicating all of their time to schoolwork and student life? You certainly weren’t. What you thrived off of was having everyone think you were. Hearing whispers in the corridor of, “She’s so pulled together!” or “I wish I had her life”, now, those skyrocketed you to heaven. The cherry on top was a nod of approval from a teacher or an “outstanding job again, Y/N” as they handed you back your graded paper. Your favorite color had become the red of the pens your teachers used to write A+ at the top of the page. 

You’d always been academically gifted, but as you heard those words more and more, you’d started craving them and doing everything to hear them again until they started controlling you instead of the other way around. Everything you did needed to be perfect. And that was how you had created this persona of the perfect girl who had it all together at the ripe age of 17. But that’s exactly what it was; a persona. 

As soon as you stepped off the bus and waved goodbye to your friends, you became another person. Or more accurately, you reverted back to your natural self. You weren’t an evil person by any means; it wasn’t your intention to actively deceive everyone at school, it was more of a side effect of keeping up appearances. Only your family and your closest friend Sumin knew what you were truly like: greedy, messy, short-tempered, self-centered, and sometimes downright insufferable. Your younger siblings, Sunoo and Yeeun, liked to joke that you had a button you switched on and off whenever you left the house. When on, you were the sweetest girl ever, but when off, all your vices crept up and let themselves known to the world, or rather to your family. You didn’t mean to make them suffer, but after a long day of being perfect, you needed to blow off some steam; if they had to be your metaphorical punching bag, so be it. 

When Sunoo entered high school, you made him swear he wouldn’t say a thing to anyone. You trusted him and knew he wouldn’t let your secret out - it was too entertaining for him to see you act perfect at school and reveal your true self at home. There was no risk of anyone finding out - you were so intent on keeping the act up that nothing ever slipped you. It had been that way since middle school, and your senior year of high school was going to be no different.

Nobody was supposed to find out, so what was Park Sunghoon doing right in front of you in the frozen aisle of the corner convenience store, just when you happened to be bare-faced, with thick glasses on and a pimple bright red from just having been popped, in your comfiest pajamas, and a tub of Ben & Jerry’s in hand?

“Kim Y/N? Y/N, is that you?”

You froze in place, not knowing how to react. There was no way this, your worst nightmare, was actually happening.

When you regained your senses, flight seemed the best way out of this. You avoided Sunghoon’s curious gaze and curtly replied, “No, sorry, I don’t know who that is,” before walking away, iron grip on the ice cream.

But the boy was quicker than you and grabbed you by the wrist, forcing you to turn around. “It is you! Come on, Y/N, aren’t we friends? Do you not recognize me or something?”

If it wasn’t for the panic coursing through your veins at that moment, you might’ve laughed at his question. How could you not recognize the Park Sunghoon? Along with Park Jongseong and Sim Jaeyun, or Jay and Jake as they liked to be called, he was only the most popular guy in your year - hell, in the whole school. The three of them had gained attention from freshman year as the three handsome soccer players. Jake and Sunghoon had been attached at the hip since kindergarten, Jay joining them sometime in middle school when he came back from his year abroad in Seattle. 

Your parents and Jay’s had been college best friends and you two had therefore grown up together, and even used to be quite close. You’d grown apart when he joined Jake and Sunghoon’s friend group, and although you still got on well, there was always a bit of an awkward atmosphere when you caught up with each other.

The three friends had quite different personalities but their complicity and shared history made them stick together. Jake was known for his academic achievements, rivaling yours, and his friendly personality; Jay, for his surprisingly funny antics once you got past the somewhat menacing appearance (which he blames on his resting bitch face). Sunghoon, on the other hand, was as cold as ice, so much that he’d earned the nickname of ice prince, but girls continued to swoon over him due to his incredibly handsome features. When turning down girls, Jake and Jay always tried to let them down gently, but Sunghoon wasn’t one to hold back: he’d laugh in their face or straight up say no, staring them right in the eyes. Most confessions ended in tears (not his, obviously), but girls kept on testing their luck, thinking they might be the one to melt the ice prince’s cold, dead heart.

Clearly, you weren’t Sunghoon’s biggest fan.

His behavior had always made you wonder why Jay and Jake were friends with a person like him. They went back a long time, but how did Sunghoon not become a nice and approachable person like his two best friends? They both seemed so genuine, but he looked like he was hiding something. This was what had made you weary of him; you knew all too well how easily an image that was the opposite of reality could be created. So on one hand, you sort of felt for him, thinking he might be in a similar situation as you. But on the other hand, you couldn’t help but feel some kind of jealousy: if you acted the way he did, you wouldn’t receive half the admiration you did. Hell, you’d probably be hated for it - no one likes a girl that’s both successful and bitchy about it. 

One thing was sure, though, and that was that you wouldn’t call the two of you friends, as he just had.

“Y/N? You okay?”

The pure panic in your eyes must’ve made Sunghoon realize something was wrong. He released you and looked you up and down, trying to take your appearance in. The Y/N he was seeing right then was worlds away from the one he was accustomed to at school. 

You realized there was no ignoring him, so you collected yourself and faced Sunghoon. “Uh, yeah, hi, Sunghoon. Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting to see anyone I knew here.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, no wonder. You look quite… different from what you usually do,” he said, voice laced with sarcasm.

This whole situation got you dumbfounded. You usually knew exactly what to retort when somebody messed with you, your friend or a classmate, but this time, you were completely speechless. You just wanted to escape.

“Well, it was nice seeing you Sunghoon, but I need to get home.” You pivoted on your heels and started walking again, but Sunghoon had other plans.

“Aw, come on, so quickly? We barely got to chat!” He followed you through the aisles as you picked up the remaining ingredients on the list your mother had given you as quickly as you could.

“I didn’t know you needed glasses. Do you wear lenses at school?”

“Yes. I need them to see.”

“I figured.” You could hear the smirk in his voice, and your shock was slowly morphing into anger. Were teenage girls so blind that they’d have a crush on someone with such an abominable personality, no matter how angelic his face was? 

“I really like your outfit, by the way. Looks super comfy.” And as if your embarrassment couldn’t grow any bigger, he added: “Too bad you got a stain on the shirt.”

You looked down at yourself and noticed a huge grease stain on the collar of your shirt. Admittedly, you didn’t always have the best table manners. 

You swore under your breath. It was quiet for a couple minutes as you arrived at the register and paid for your items, Sunghoon still on your tail. He had apparently given up his purchases to focus solely on tormenting you. When you walked out of the store, you thought he might finally be done. But of course, he wasn’t.

“You know, my sister has this really effective pimple cream she uses. Do you want me to ask her what brand it is?”

That was it. You sighed deeply. “Alright, Park. What do you want?”

When you turned to face him fully, arms crossing over your chest and an obviously tired expression on your face, the mischievous glint in his eyes made you realize something. That idiot was enjoying this. 

Indeed, he beamed down at you. You had probably never seen him smiling so widely. “Wow, Y/N, didn’t know you could have such an attitude.”

You stayed silent and continued staring at him, waiting for an answer. He mirrored your pose, out of instinct or to irritate you, you weren’t sure.

“You know, when I moved to this neighborhood before the start of school, I was definitely not expecting to see Perfect Miss Y/N out in her pajamas buying ice cream. I thought you were more into, I don’t know, rescuing puppies from fires or something. That sounds like something you’d do in your free time.”

“Well, is there anything wrong with what I’m doing?”

“Oh, absolutely not! Just a surprising sight. Makes me wonder what the rest of the school would say…” He looked intently at you, clearly waiting for a reaction. You weren’t about to give him one, though.

You chuckled and rolled your eyes, shifting your weight on your right foot. “Yeah, like anyone would believe you if you said you saw me looking anything else other than perfect.” It might’ve sounded arrogant, but that was the image people had of you. Even your friends asked you how you did it - if only they knew the truth.

At that, his smile got even brighter. “Don’t worry about that, I won’t need to tell anyone. I’ll just show them!” He pulled out his phone, showing you a picture of you in your god-awful pajamas searching for your favorite flavor of ice cream.

He watched as your face fell, taking your silence as an opportunity to go on. “You were so engrossed in the tubs of ice cream that you didn’t notice a dashingly handsome and tall young man very obviously taking pictures of you.”

This put you into panic mode again. It might have seemed foolish, but you hadn’t worked for years to create a perfect version of yourself only for a stupid boy to destroy it all with one picture. 

You sighed and lowered your head, taking a moment to think. You didn’t know Sunghoon that well, but you didn’t put it past him to send that picture to everyone and ruin your image in the process. You opted for honesty instead of bluff. You took your glasses off and looked back up at him; even if you couldn’t see him as well without them, maybe he’d see the despair in your eyes better.

“Park. I mean, Sunghoon. You can’t show that picture to anyone, okay? You have no idea how bad I need to keep up appearances. It’s really important to me, so just delete the picture and let’s never talk about this again, yeah?”

You tried smiling at him, but his expression infuriated you. You could tell he had something else up his sleeve. “Now, Y/N, why would I do that? If I’m gonna do something for you, you should do something for me.”

You weren’t sure if you wanted to hear the rest of his thoughts, but you needed to know. Eyeing him suspiciously, you told him to go on.

“Well, I can’t think of anything right now, but I’ll let you know when I do, okay? I’ll see you around, Y/N.” He flashed another one of his smiles, patted your head, and walked away, just like that, leaving you standing outside the convenience store on your own, a melting tub of ice cream in your plastic bag. At least for now, you were safe.

Right?

—

“You saw Park Sunghoon? As in, the Park Sunghoon?” your little sister Yeeun asked, looking at you with huge eyes. You two and Sunoo were sitting on your bed, sharing the ice cream by eating it directly from the tub.

“Yes, that’s literally what I’ve been saying this whole time. How do you know him anyway? You’re still in middle school…”

“Are you crazy? He’s famous in our whole school district! I wish we had cute boys in my school as well,” she sulked, pouting.

“That’s not the point, Yeeun,” Sunoo chimed in, then turned to you. “Well, this is either bad news or the start of a beautiful romance.”

“Sunoo! Take this seriously! I’m in a huge dilemma right now.”

Your siblings shared a knowing glance and snickered.

“Hey! I’m right here. I’m not overreacting, you know. If he does send those pictures around, I’m done for.”

“Oh, come on, Y/N, you’d be so much better off if you could be yourself at school. I see you there almost everyday, and the way you laugh always sounds so fake. Nobody would care if you forgot to put makeup on one day or had a crease in your shirt. If anything, it’d make you look more human.”

You could see where Sunoo was coming from, but you chose to ignore it. You sighed deeply. “You guys just don’t get it. They all see me as this perfect, put-together girl. If I showed them even a glimpse of the truth, everything would shatter. It’s too late to go back now.” You ignored their pitying looks and took another big spoonful of ice cream.

It was their turn to sigh. As always, it was impossible to reason with you. Deep in your thoughts, you added: “You know, there was something really off about him today. I’d never seen him act that way before.”

Your siblings looked at you questioningly. “He’s always so cold and distant towards everyone. I’ve only seen him smile when he’s laughing with Jake and Jay or when he makes fun of someone. But just now, he kept smiling at me like he was having fun. He even patted my head when he left.”

At that, Yeeun swooned dramatically, hands over her heart. You looked over at her and said, “I’d be swooning too if it was any other guy than Park Sunghoon. I’m more confused than anything right now, he was a completely different person from when I see him at school.”

They exchanged another look. “You guys stop doing that!”

“Well, it’s just that that sounds an awful lot like someone I know,” Sunoo replied. Realization hit you and you scoffed, mildly offended. At least you were nice to others at school and didn’t act like an asshole with a superiority complex.

“Anyway,” he continued, “what will you do about Sunghoon?”

“I’m not too sure. I guess all I can do is wait and see whatever it is he could want from me.”

“Yeah, do that, and then date him, please. If I can’t have him as my boyfriend, then I’ll have him as my brother-in-law,” Yeeun joked. You didn’t have it in you to retort anything back and started laughing along with her. 

If everything did shatter, at least you’d have your siblings to make you laugh.

— 

The next day, you made your way to the bus stop after your daily morning routine: jogging, showering, eating a filling breakfast, choosing the perfect accessories for your school uniform, applying just the right amount of makeup and going over your subjects and tasks of the day. As always, efficiency is the key. You had become so used to this routine that your body did it on its own, which let your mind wander wherever it pleased. Usually, you’d use this time to prepare yourself for the day ahead, but today, the only thing on your mind was Park Sunghoon. What was that boy up to? Was he up to anything, or did you completely imagine his mischievousness yesterday? In any case, you hoped it would all be over soon. 

You got on the bus and sat down next to Sumin. Your close friend group at school consisted of her, Park Sieun, Lee Heeseung and Choi Jiung, but she was the only one who knew about your secret. You had been friends for so long that you hadn’t even been able to hide it: she’d seen you from all angles, both before, during and after your transformation to who you were now. It was nice having someone else than your siblings to rely on and tell everything to. 

“Minie, you’ll never guess what happened yesterday. I ran into Park Sunghoon at the convenience store next to our apartment unit.”

She raised her eyebrows in surprise, but her reaction wasn’t as big as you thought it’d be. She smiled and said, “Huh! I knew he’d moved to our neighborhood, but I wouldn’t have thought he’d live so close to you that you’d even shop at the same place.”

She registered your confused expression and continued. “Didn’t you hear? He moved out of his parents’ house at the end of summer. Something about a huge fight with them that made him move out. But there are always so many rumors about him and his group that I don’t know what to believe.”

“Oh,” you mumbled, unsure what to say. Now that you thought about it, Sunghoon had mentioned moving in your conversation yesterday, but you were so preoccupied with him seeing you in your wild state that you hadn’t paid much attention to his comment.

“Wait, did he do something? Your face is telling me he did something.”

You got closer to her face and gestured for her to do the same. With lowered heads and in hushed tones, you said, “He saw me on off-mode.”

She gasped and jolted back in surprise, eyes wide and eyebrows shooting straight up. “What?”

You shushed her and pulled her in by her shoulders. “He even took pictures.” Your grip tight, you held her from jumping again. “That’s not even it. You know how he's always really cold and distant?”

“You mean how he’s always being a douchebag?” She scoffed. “Yeah, I know.”

You remembered that Sumin had been one of the first of many girls who shot their shot with Park Sunghoon, only to get rejected. You both grimaced at the memory that always left a bad taste in your mouth.

“He was completely different yesterday. Kept following me around the store and, I’m not sure, teasing me? Like trying to get a reaction out of me? In a weird half-friendly half-bully way.”

“Hm, you’re right, that doesn’t sound like him,” she mused. “It does sound like a stupid teenage boy though, which I guess he is, no matter how hard he tries to pretend he’s not.”

This is what you loved about Sumin. She could see right through people, and never hesitated to say what she thought of them, especially when they acted the way Sunghoon did. Sure, there were some personal feelings attached there, but she had quickly gotten over them when she realized how much of a douche he was towards everyone else.

When the bus stopped to pick up some more students, Heeseung hopped on. You quickly told Sumin to keep it a secret, at which she smiled and made a motion as if zipping her lips and throwing the key. If you told your friends about Sunghoon, you’d have to tell them the truth about how he had dirt on you, but you wanted to keep your friendship clean. You chatted the rest of the bus ride away and tried not to worry over Park Sunghoon too much.

When you finally got to school, you, Heeseung, and Sumin made your way to your classroom to join Jiung and Sieun. Before you could get there, however, Jungwon, an underclassman you had talked to a couple times for student council meetings, called out your name. You told your friends to go on without you and turned to the younger boy.

“Jungwon! Hi, what’s up?”

He seemed flattered that you had remembered his name but quickly got on with his business. “Um, I’m not sure why, but Sunghoon told me to come and get you? I’ve never talked to him, I think he just picked me randomly and assigned me a task…”

You sighed. Park Sunghoon truly was something. “Thanks for telling me, Jungwon. I’ll make sure he gets an earful for this, he has no right to boss students around like that.”

Jungwon’s eyes doubled in size as he frantically waved his hands in dismissal. “No! No need to do that, I don’t want to get in trouble with him. I’m just here to relay the message.” At that, he scurried off, and you headed towards Sunghoon’s homeroom. 

When you walked in, a few people were in the room, some girls gossiping with each other, a couple students doing some last-minute revision for a test. You found Sunghoon sitting at his desk, snickering with Jay and Jake and hoped that the subject of their laughter wasn’t you. They noticed you approaching and the two decent boys greeted you; the other one eyed you, that mischievous glint back in his eyes. What could he possibly have in mind?

“Hi, guys.” You smiled at Jay and Jake and reflexively stood closer to Jay. “Sunghoon, Jungwon said you wanted to see me?” you asked, trying to keep your impatience at bay.

“Oh, was that his name? Well, thank heavens for him, ‘cause I forgot my lunch at home. Would you be a sweetheart and go buy me something at the cafeteria? You know how everything runs out as soon as lunch period starts, and I get really cranky when I’m hungry.”

You stared at him, wide-eyed. His two friends’ reaction wasn’t very different from yours. Go buy him lunch? That’s what he wanted you to do?

“What? You don’t want to? That’s too bad, cause there’s a picture I think everybo-”

You cut him off before he could finish. “No! Of course I’ll do it! Can’t have our star player go hungry, now can we?” You cringed at your own words and Jay eyed you suspiciously. Sunghoon beamed, and Jake’s eyes darted back and forth between the two of you in pure confusion. “Um, any preferences?”

His smile got wider. “A tuna mayo would be amazing. Thanks, Y/N! You’re the best!”

“Sure…” you mumbled and quickly walked away, more bemused than ever. You checked your watch. You had 10 minutes before the first bell rang, and you could not be late for class, which meant you needed to hurry. 

You got back to Sunghoon’s classroom just a minute before the first bell. To your dismay, the class was almost full, and girls had gathered around him, trying to get his attention, but he seemed unbothered by their presence. You braced yourself and walked towards him. As your presence rarely went by unnoticed, most eyes were on you and Sunghoon. Not only were you two some of the most popular kids in school, you also happened to be handing him his lunch, a never-seen-before sight between the two of you. 

“I also got you banana milk, for good measure…” 

What had seemed like a great idea a few minutes ago, something to appease the devil in him, now felt like the biggest mistake of your life. The girls around him started whispering left and right and you weren’t sure whether they felt bad for you, sensing an incoming rejection, or wanted to tear you to shreds for even trying. 

The whispers grew even louder when Sunghoon took the sandwich and milk from your hands, thanking you with a smile. You’d be lying if you said your heart hadn’t done a small jump in your chest at that moment. As much as you hated to admit it, if looks were the sole factor for popularity, then you could definitely understand why Park Sunghoon was so loved. His face looked like it had been carved by the gods themselves. When his eyebrows weren’t turned in a frown, his eyes looked almost sweet, especially when he laughed. His two moles gave him so much charm, the curve of his nose was so delicate and his pink lips looked so, so soft… 

You cleared your throat and smiled back at him before turning around to walk to your own classroom.

“Wait, Y/N!”

You turned back around, all eyes on you. You could feel Jay’s eyes burning holes into you. Sunghoon was still smiling. You thought you’d seen him smile more in the past two days than you had in all the years you’d known him.

“I’ll see you later.”

—

And indeed see him later you did. You always hung back a bit after classes ended to get homework done or work out student council issues. Being in an empty classroom brought you some peace and quiet, very different from the busyness and noise of your home. You couldn’t even focus in your own room, your siblings or parents always barging in to disturb you. The after-school janitors now knew you by name and saved cleaning the classroom you were sitting in for last. 

You had been barely sitting there for 5 minutes, nose buried in a math problem, when Park Sunghoon graciously strode in, swung the chair in front of you around and sat on it, arms crossed over its back as he peered at you. You didn’t even bother to look up at him as you spoke. “What, Park?”

“Oh no, back to last name basis already?” he joked. You didn’t laugh. He cleared his throat awkwardly. “Wow, tough crowd. Anyways, thanks for the sandwich today.”

This made you look at him. Or rather, shoot daggers at him. “Yeah, what the hell was that all about? Did you have to pull that little stunt in front of everybody? You know what our school is like! Rumors are gonna start spreading like wildfire.”

“I already told you,” he said with a defensive tone. “Forgot my lunch, everything was gonna run out, didn’t want to get hungry later,” he said as he shrugged, completely ignoring the latter part of your complaint.

“And you couldn’t have gone and gotten it yourself?”

He beamed. If it wasn’t so damn beautiful, you probably would have started getting tired of his stupid smile already. “Why would I do that when I could get you to do it?”

You sighed. “I knew you weren’t the nicest guy, but I didn’t know you could be such an asshole, Park.”

If you hadn’t been staring him down so intently, you might not have noticed the falter in his smile, so quick it was.

“Oh, come on, Y/N. If anything, I’m doing you a favor by not sending out to everyone that picture you so desperately want to keep secret. Thing is, doing that wouldn’t benefit me in any way, except for getting the satisfaction of seeing everybody realize you’re not as perfect as they think you are. Whereas holding it over your head allows me to do basically anything I want with you. And that, that is just so much fun,” he beams, lowering his voice into a whisper for the last sentence.

What a psycho, you thought. You just sighed once more and returned to your textbook, too weirded out to say anything back. You hoped the silence would make Sunghoon realize how creepy what he had just said was. 

It was quiet in the room, only the sound of your pencil scratching your notebook could be heard. Sunghoon sat in the same position and watched you working. He often saw you like this, focused and benched over a desk, in the library or walking past your classroom. But it was always in passing, and looking at you so closely made all the world’s difference. He could see how you scrunched your nose when the problem got particularly difficult, or how your smirk as you solved another one made your left dimple appear. He also liked the annoyed looks you gave him every once in a while, as if his presence was disturbing your focus. He wasn’t sure what it was, but there was something about seeing someone who always went about their way with such purpose sitting in such silence.

He decided to break that silence. “You know, Jay was asking about you earlier.”

You kept your eyes trained on your notebook but abruptly stopped writing, your pencil leaving a small scratch on the paper. This didn’t go unnoticed by Sunghoon. “Did he?” you said, trying to sound as uninterested as possible, although you couldn’t help but be curious. Ever since Jay and you had grown apart, there was always a part of you wondering what he was up to, how he was doing, if he thought of you once in a while or reminisced about the good old times as you sometimes did. 

“Yeah. I mean, everyone did, but I didn’t really care,” he answers simply, and even though you’re itching to push him to say more, you stay quiet. “You’re right, by the way, I do know the people in our school. The rumors have already started spreading. Up to you whether you wanna deny them or not, though,” he said with a smirk.

“Don’t even think about it, Park. There’s not a chance in hell I’ll let them think we have a thing going on. I have a reputation to uphold, you know.”

He chuckled. “Trust me, I know. Anyway, he wanted to know why you did that for me. Guess he was jealous you didn’t do it for him, too.”

“Why would he be?” you asked, trying to make the question sound as innocent as possible. 

“Well, you two go a long way back, right?” he asked tentatively, as if testing the waters.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Then it was probably weird for him to see his childhood best friend and his best bro interacting out of nowhere, even though we’ve both seen each other around a lot and nothing has ever come out of that. Don’t you think?”

A beat passed as you thought about it. “Yeah, I guess that’d look weird to him,” you replied, trying to keep the disappointment out of your voice.

You quickly wrote down your last answer, packed up your things, and stood up. “Well, I’m off now. I’ll see you around, unfortunately.”

Sunghoon, surprised at your quick departure, scrambled to get off his chair and chased after you. “Do you want me to drop you off? I’ve got a car, you know. Much more glamorous than the bus.”

You turned around and looked at him. “I’d rather get hit by said bus than get in your car, Park.”

He stood there, watching you walk away with a smirk on his face as your ponytail swayed from side to side. This was going to be a challenge. You were going to be a challenge. 

Thing is, he loved a good challenge.

—

Back home, you flopped down on your bed and buried your face in your pillow. You laid there for a few minutes, taking some time to gather your thoughts and try to understand Sunghoon’s actions. It was of no use; you weren’t a mind-reader, and he seemed impossible to figure out. He could make you do basically whatever he wanted to, and he decided to make you get him lunch, creating rumors along the way? What could he possibly get out of that?

Your reflexions were quickly interrupted, however, by a flurry of incoming messages on your phone. Someone had posted a photo of you handing his banana milk to Sunghoon on your school’s Instagram account - because apparently, your school was so obsessed with gossip that they had created an Instagram page just for it. The photo had blown up among your peers and it made you wonder if people really were that bored with their lives.

People you barely knew but that felt entitled to knowing your relationship status were DMing you, asking about today’s events. You quickly got tired of it, so you texted your worried and confused friends that you didn’t feel like talking tonight and would catch up with them tomorrow. You opened your textbook, deciding that studying would be the best and most efficient distraction.

When your parents called you and your siblings for dinner, you still weren’t feeling great. Your family quickly registered your annoyed expression and could only hope for the best. You already weren’t the easiest to live with, but when you were tired, you just got a hundred times worse.

“So, how was everyone’s day?” your mom asked cheerily.

Yeeun’s eyes lit up instantly. “Mine was great! I met a really cute boy. His name is Nishimura Riki and he just transferred from Japan.”

“Oh, that’s nice!”

“You’re too young to be thinking about boys, Yeeun.”

Your mom and dad had replied at the same time, then gave each other a stern look.

“I’m not thinking about him, Dad, just looking,” your sister replied, earning a chuckle from your concerned father. 

“Mine was alright. I guess the start-of-a-new-year excitement has already worn off. After a week,” Sunoo said with a sigh. 

Your mom turned to you. “What about you, Y/N?”

“It was fine.”

The sharpness of your tone changed the atmosphere in the room at once. You ignored the looks your family exchanged and continued eating your food, eyes not leaving your plate.

For some reason, Sunoo thought it’d be a great idea to chime in. “She’s not happy because she had to buy Park Sunghoon his lunch and everybody went crazy over it.”

“Sunoo!” you protested. Your parents didn’t need to know about this sort of stuff.

“Park Sunghoon? Is that someone we’re supposed to know?” your dad questioned.

Yeeun scoffed. “Uh, he’s only the most popular and handsome guy at Y/N and Sunoo’s school, dad. Duh.”

“Right. Duh,” your dad said, imitating your sister’s tone.

“And why did you have to buy his lunch, Y/N?” your mom asked.

“Because he saw what she looks like when she’s not at school,” Sunoo said, not even giving you the chance to reply yourself.

“Sunoo!” you scolded again.

“And now I guess he’s using that against her to get her to do what he wants? Right, Y/N?”

You glared at your brother and let a beat pass. “Right,” you reluctantly admitted.

“Lucky…” your sister mused, expression like she was daydreaming about being Sunghoon’s personal assistant.

Your dad ignored your sister and looked straight at you. “That’s inadmissible, Y/N. You can’t let him do that.”

“Your father’s right, sweetie. It’s not right,” your mom added when you stayed silent.

With everybody’s eyes on you, you felt obligated to reply. “It’s fine. It’s not like he asked me to do anything crazy. I’m sure he’ll stop soon enough.”

“You know, boys that age, they’ll do anything to get a girl’s attention,” your dad warned. “Just ignore him and he’ll go away.”

“If she ignores him, he’ll tell everyone what she’s really like,” your brother explained.

“And what’s so bad about that? I’m sure it’d be easier if you stopped lying to everyone.”

Everyone suddenly stopped in their motions, wondering why your mom would say something so true yet so controversial. You looked up at her. “What’s so bad about that? What’s so bad? I don’t know, maybe the fact that I’ve worked so hard all these years for everybody to like me and look up to me only for a stupid picture taken by a stupid boy to ruin everything,” you said all in one breath, voice coming out harsh. You were tired of having to explain the same thing over and over again - your parents just didn’t understand why you did what you did.

Your mom opened and closed her mouth again, knowing it was useless trying to talk sense into you. It never ended well when you had this conversation.

“Who put mushrooms in this anyway? You know I hate mushrooms,” you said before filling up your bowl and taking it to eat in your room, making sure you’d slammed your door behind you.

—

On the bus the next day, you tried to explain the events of the previous day to your friends.

“There’s nothing really to it. He just asked me to get him lunch so I did, and when I handed it to him, his whole class was there and saw everything.”

“I get that, but I just don’t understand why he made you do it in the first place, or why you agreed,” Heeseung said, “it’s so unlike the both of you to do something like that.”

You hadn’t even thought to come up with an excuse for your and Sunghoon’s yesterday - your friends were definitely super confused, but you didn’t want to tell them the truth, so you had to quickly find something to say that was somewhat believable, and change the subject.

“I have no idea why he did what he did, but I didn’t want to cause a scene so I just agreed. I don’t really care, to be honest, I just wish it didn’t have such consequences. People seem to think we’re characters on a stupid Netflix coming-of-age series or something, when we literally just go to their school.”

As soon as you’d turned your phone back on this morning, it started pinging with all the messages that had flown in since last night. People were talking about it everywhere: Kim Y/N, highly sought-after bachelorette, had offered Park Sunghoon, notorious rejecter of girls and breaker of hearts, a sandwich and a banana milk, and he had taken them. What’s more, he had been seen at lunch heartily eating them. This was serious.

You didn’t think things could get any worse until you got to school. You were used to random people coming up to you in the hallways or in class for help, except today they weren’t asking for help at all - they were asking what was up between you and Sunghoon, as though handing him a tuna mayo was like asking for his hand in marriage. Most of them were just curious, but some, especially his fanclub members, had an aggressive tone to their voice, which you weren’t used to. If people started liking you less because of Sunghoon, you were going to kill him.

But you had to hold onto that thought, because an all too familiar voice had suddenly called out to you on your way to class. You took a deep breath and turned around, watching him take long strides towards you. You immediately became aware of the amount of people in the hallway and realized you couldn’t talk to him like you had the previous day in front of everybody. You mustered the fakest smile you could and greeted him.

“Hi, Sunghoon. What can I help you with today?”

He smiled, obviously enjoying the fact that you had to be nice to him. “I’ve got my sports bag because of practice later tonight. Mind holding onto that for me for the day?”

Your fake smile turned a bit crazy as your eyes widened in disbelief. "Don’t you have a locker for that, Sunghoon?”

“Yeah, but it’s so much more fun if you’re the one to hold it.” And with that, he threw the bag in your direction, leaving approximately 0.5 seconds to catch it. “I’ll need that later today. Meet me in front of the locker rooms after school, yeah?”

He didn’t bother to wait for your answer and walked away, Jake and Jay following closely behind. Jay sent you a questioning look, to which you could only reply with a shrug. If it wasn’t for all the students in the hallway, you would’ve been yelling Sunghoon’s ear off at that point. Unfortunately, that wasn’t a possibility, so you just smiled to your friends who were looking more confused than ever.

“Let’s just go to class, guys.”

—

Throughout the whole day, you could feel people staring at you, then at the bag you were holding, then starting to whisper among themselves. You tried your best to concentrate in class so you could momentarily stop pondering over what Sunghoon’s evil master plan might be, but everyone seemed bent on making that usually simple feat impossible. When 3:30 p.m. finally came around, you bid your friends goodbye and headed to the boys’ locker room. Every boy walking in eyed you suspiciously, unsure as to what you could be doing there. Of course, Sunghoon had to take his sweet time to get there. 

Staring at the opposite wall and planning Sunghoon’s murder in your head, you hadn’t noticed Jay and Jake arriving. Jay signaled for his friend to go inside the locker room and told him he’d join him in a minute. He waved his hand in front of you to get your attention, a smile on his face. You sighed in relief at the familiar sight of your friend.

“Hey, Jay. Sorry I didn’t see you.”

“You okay, Y/N? You look like you’re about to murder someone,” he said, slightly amused.

“If only you knew,” you mumbled.

He noticed the bag in your hand. “You waiting for Sunghoon?”

“Yeah. If only he could hurry up a little bit. I’ve got stuff to do.”

There was something about Jay that made it impossible to lie to him. Maybe it was the fact that you had known each other for so long, way before you’d turned into what you were now, that made you feel as though showing a side of you that gets annoyed and impatient and doesn’t smile all the time was okay.

Jay looked at his feet before looking back up at you. You were still staring at the wall but your murderous thoughts had somewhat calmed. “Mind telling me what this whole thing with Sunghoon is about?”

You turned to him and were about to fumble for an answer when someone interrupted you. “What whole thing with me?”

Whew. Saved by Sunghoon. You didn’t like that it was thanks to him that you could get out of answering Jay, but at least you didn’t have to come up with yet another stupid excuse.

Jay turned his attention to his friend and stood up straighter. “You know, making her get you lunch or hold your bag all day. There’s dozens of girls who’d be more than happy to do that for you, so why Y/N? She doesn’t have time for this stuff.”

You looked at Jay with surprise. Sure, you were friends, but you hadn’t thought he’d defend you like that in front of Sunghoon.

“Well, Y/N’s just such a nice, reliable person. No one better to ask to do those things.” What a reason, you thought. He turned to you and took the bag from your hands. “Thanks, Y/N. I’ll see you outside in a couple minutes.”

“Huh? What do you mean? I’m leaving,” you said, body already headed towards the other direction.

“What? You can’t leave before practice has even started. Go to the benches outside, we’ll be out in a few.”

You were about to open your mouth to protest, but he cut you off. “You don’t want to?” He started pulling out his phone. “That’s funny, because there’s a pict-”

“I’ll be on the benches! See you soon!” you quickly said, pushing the two boys inside the locker room, Sunghoon smirking, Jay looking at you in utter confusion.

Girls sat in a few different groups in the bleachers. You recognized the girls in one of those groups, so you decided to sit with them. As you approached, they quickly looked at each other and then back at you, expressions half-friendly, half-what-the-hell-are-you-doing-here. 

“Hi guys! Mind if I join?”

“Hi Y/N! No, of course not, come sit,” Jake’s girlfriend, Yujin, said. 

“Are you guys here to watch practice?”

“Yeah! I’m here on girlfriend duties for Jake. These two are just here for the eye candy and to keep me company,” Yujin explained.

“Yeah, but mostly for the eye candy,” added her friend Wonyoung. 

“What about you, Y/N? I’ve never seen you here,” asked the last girl, Gaeul.

“Oh, um, Sunghoon asked me to come, actually.” You regretted your words as soon as you’d let them out. They all ooh-ed at your response, making you blush, which just egged them on. This was nothing to blush about, Y/N. You’d just made the rumors get a hundred times worse with one sentence.

“The whole school’s been talking about you two, you know. Anything you wanna share? Don’t worry, we can keep a secret,” said Wonyoung with a wink. You chuckled awkwardly.

“Oh my gosh, yes, tell us!”

“Guys, don’t make her uncomfortable,” Yujin chimed in, smiling at you. You returned her smile, grateful, once again, that you didn’t have to explain your new link to Sunghoon. “Look, practice is starting.”

You turned your head towards the field as the soccer players started doing laps as per the coach’s instructions. Your eyes immediately drifted towards Sunghoon without you even realizing it. His lean figure hypnotized you. The last time you had had PE with him was in freshman year, and puberty had hit him like a fine, fine truck. You couldn’t take your eyes off of him as he lightly jogged next to his friends, chatting like it was nothing. You weren’t being very subtle with your stare and he eventually noticed you, sending a wink your way. This made you snap out of your reverie and you scowled at him, as if he could make out your annoyed expression from such a distance. You turned back to the girls, who were giggling at you.

“Wow, those were some serious heart eyes you were giving him, Y/N,” Gaeul giggled.

You opened your mouth in mild shock. “Was not!”

“Sure, whatever you say,” she replied knowingly. “Well, look all you want. Warm-up is the best part. It gets boring when they actually start playing.”

“No way! Watching them play is my favorite part,” Yujin disagreed.

“Yeah, that’s cause you’ve got someone to root for,” retorted Wonyoung. She looked at you slyly. “Well, I guess Y/N does, too.”

You scoffed. “Believe me, I will not be rooting for him.”

You started staring at him again, this time with a glare in your eyes. From their silence, you deduced the girls must’ve judged it a better idea to not question you too much. After the boys were done with running exercises and stretching (which you had enjoyed watching a bit too much, if you spoke truthfully), they started playing. The coach split the boys into two teams, Jay leading one and Sunghoon the other. It was a very close game. You could never tell who was leading, although that might have been due to your extensive lack of knowledge in the sport. All you knew was that you desperately wanted to see Sunghoon lose; that might put him down a peg. What you told yourself, however, was that you wanted Jay to win. So when he scored a goal, you surprised the girls next to you, the boys on the field and yourself as you jumped up and down, cheering for him. Realizing what you were doing, you quickly sat down and sent him an awkward thumbs up.

Jay tried to hide it, but he was blushing. Hard. Truth be told, he had noticed your little eye contact moment with Sunghoon during warm-up and hadn’t particularly enjoyed it. So seeing you cheer for him like that made him swell with pride, which only grew when Sunghoon scored and you barely reacted. 

When the game was over, you thought you might be able to finally go home and start studying. But Sunghoon had other plans for you, as always these past couple days. Heading towards the showers, he motioned for you to come down from the benches. As you did, Jay walked past, and you smiled at each other.

“Good game.”

“Thanks, Y/N.” He continued walking as Sunghoon reached you.

“What about me? I scored a goal, too.”

“Oh, did you? Didn’t even notice," you said, looking at your nails. The polish was starting to chip - you’d need to reapply a layer tonight.

“Whatever. Wait for me, yeah?”

“What? No! I gotta go home!” But your protests were in vain, as he completely ignored you. 

You waited outside the school with Yujin, Wonyoung and Gaeul. After a little while, Jake, Jay and Sunghoon joined you guys, having successfully showered and not smelling of sweat and dirt, thank God. Yujin was dropping her boyfriend and her friends off, so they bid their goodbyes and headed towards her car. Sunghoon and Jay also started to walk towards the parking lot, leaving you standing alone, not sure what to do. Sunghoon turned around and looked at you with a frown.

“What are you doing?”

“I don’t know, what are you doing?”

“I’m dropping you and Jay off.”

“Oh,” you mumbled, taken aback. “Didn’t know I was just supposed to guess that.”

As soon as Sunghoon started to drive, you noticed the awkward air between the three of you. Luckily, after years of being a people-pleaser, you had become somewhat of an expert in making small talk, which helped prevent a silent ride. You don’t think you could’ve gone through that without a mental breakdown.

Because you and Sunghoon lived closer to each other (and we all know the consequences of that), Jay was dropped off before you. “I’ll see you guys tomorrow at school,” he said before giving you a last glance.

“Bye, Jay.”

“See you, bro.”

Thankfully, you only lived a couple minutes by car from Jay’s and hoped the rest of the car ride would be peaceful. Which was really stupid of you to hope for, because you were in the car with Park Sunghoon.

“So, Park Jongseong, huh?” he said, eyes trained on the road in front of him. Even though he was trying to keep his tone light, you thought you detected a slight harshness to his gaze.

“What about him?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

“There’s nothing to say. We’ve just been friends for a long time.”

It was silent for about five seconds. “You really feasted your eyes during warm-up, huh?”

“Shut up, Park.”

“No, it’s alright, I get it. I’d do the same.” He laughed at his own joke that wasn’t really a joke. Why was he laughing, anyway? 

You looked at him. His face was so different from all those times you’d seen it at school. His eyes, rid of the harshness you’d seen earlier, crinkled at the edges and had an amused glint in them. His smile dug pretty dimples into his cheeks and you let your gaze linger long enough to notice he had sharp, vampire-like canines, which were surprisingly cute. You didn’t know why he was showing you a side of him he never showed anyone, except for his close friends, you assumed. You weren’t sure what overcame you, but you chuckled with him. 

“So, do you already know what task you’re gonna give me tomorrow?” you asked, genuinely curious.

“Hmm, haven’t really thought about it yet. I’d rather keep it a surprise, anyway. Keep you on your toes.”

“Pfft. What a great surprise.” He laughed again, and you couldn’t help but join him. He was unusually giddy that day, but you didn’t want to complain. This was a thousand times better than the arrogant Sunghoon with his I’m-better-than-all-of-you facade. What you didn’t know was that he, too, liked your snarky, no-nonsense side infinitely more than the model student, pretty girl persona you had created for yourself.

Finally at your house, you got out of the car and headed to your house after waving goodbye to Sunghoon. He rolled his window down and leaned out of it.

“Y/N?”

You turned around. “Yeah?”

“About your task tomorrow…”

“…Yeah?”

“I’m sure you’ll love it.” He gave you an umpteenth wink, rolled his window back up and drove off.

You weren’t so awful to your parents and siblings that evening.

—

The next day at school, you were wondering why Sunghoon had said you would love your task. Because you were, in fact, quite loathing it. He had found you studying during your free period after lunch and dragged you to the part of the library where it was okay to talk a bit over whisper level. You were currently going over a scene in The Tempest which you had seen in AP English Lit last year and clearly had no time for. But obviously, that wasn’t a problem to Sunghoon, who just wanted to get a passing grade on his English essay without putting in too much effort. 

After twenty minutes of going over the same five lines, you were about to give up. “Look, Sunghoon, I don’t mind helping you. I’ve tutored dozens of students before so I’m used to it. But you’re not making any effort! If you want to get it, you need to at least try.”

“But it’s so boring,” he whined, not unlike a child. “How am I supposed to find any meaning in this? It’s just stupid people doing stupid stuff on a stupid island.” You cringed at his words and hoped Shakespeare wasn’t listening in on this conversation. 

“It’s not stupid. It’s about power, and being punished for chasing it, and it’s a metaphor fo-”

“Ugh!” he groaned loudly. “You know what, I don’t care enough about this. Just write the essay for me, okay?” He got up and left, again not waiting for your answer. You wanted to protest, but you know what would happen if you said no to any of his requests, so you just quickly got to work.

Everyday over the next couple of weeks, Sunghoon would find something for you to do. Most days, he’d just get you to buy him lunch (although he thankfully had started paying you back) or carry his stuff around like the first two times. He didn’t ask you again to tutor him, however, so you had gotten used to sitting in an empty class together after class, you doing his homework for him and attempting (and failing) to explain it to him, and him alternating between playing on his phone and looking at you. Although it’d flustered you at first, not used to having someone stare at you while you were trying to concentrate, you’d grown somewhat okay with it - all of your complaints were ignored anyway. One time, he even got you to work on his science project with him, a weirdly-shaped volcano he needed to paint and decorate before actually putting the chemicals in. You’d be lying if you said it hadn’t been fun painting it together, occasionally ‘accidentally’ getting paint on the other’s hand or cheek instead of the volcano. 

You went to see him at practice two to three times a week, although you weren’t sure what use that had for him. If anything, you were probably the one who enjoyed yourself more. Perhaps, after being forced to spend so much time with him, you had started to soften up to him. And, perhaps, that made you appreciate his good looks even more. You couldn’t deny the effect his damp hair, stuck to his forehead with sweat, had on you. 

The rumors hadn’t died down, but people had started getting used to seeing the two of you together around, so they didn’t ogle their eyes at you everytime you and Sunghoon had some kind of interaction. Not liking that you couldn’t control people’s opinion of you anymore, you were still a bit bothered by them, but Sunghoon’s little posse of fangirls didn’t seem to be. They’d been the one to question you the most, and you got a few nasty looks in the hallway, but the gossip around school hadn’t stopped them from keeping on following him around, harassing him from morning to afternoon by going to his homeroom at breaks, sitting at a table near him at lunch, and going to see him at practice. Their group had dwindled down, though; most likely, some of them thought you two might be dating and had finally realized they didn’t stand a chance with the one and only Park Sunghoon. Thank God you had your friends and now sometimes Yujin, Wonyoung and Gaeul around you during those times, otherwise, you’d probably have been jumped. Spending so much time with him had kept you a couple times from your friends, which they’d complained about, but sensing that they couldn’t do much about it, they let you be, even though they hadn’t gotten a satisfactory explanation yet.

One person who didn’t want to, or rather couldn’t let it go, though, was Jay. He still couldn’t figure out why you’d started spending so much time with Sunghoon, seemingly overnight, and it created an unpleasant, sour pit in his stomach. Out of all the people you could’ve decided to form a new friendship with, why’d it have to be his best friend, meaning he saw you more often now than before, but not because he was the one you had come to see? Why did you never get him banana milk for lunch, and why’d you only start coming to soccer practice because Sunghoon had asked you to? He’d tried to ask both of you about it, but you always gave him half-assed excuses that didn’t make much sense. 

He realized what he was feeling was jealousy the day you came into their homeroom before the first bell rang and asked Sunghoon how his science project had gone. You’d never asked him how his science project, or any of his projects or tests, for that matter, had gone. He recognized it as the same feeling he had harbored when he had come back from the US in middle school and saw you dating Choi Soobin, or when Lee Heeseung had joined your tight-knit group of friends in freshman year. You and Soobin had only dated for three weeks and a half because you had a relationship-terminating argument over mint chocolate ice cream, and you and Heeseung had never become more than friends, nor had the intention to. But Jay didn’t care about that; all he saw was that there were boys around you that weren’t him. He had never acted upon those feelings, dismissing them as over-protectiveness for someone he had known since forever, but seeing Sunghoon and you laughing together hit too close to home. He couldn’t ignore how he felt because he was reminded of it everyday, but he didn’t know what to do with these newfound emotions.

And what’s the best thing to do whenever you don’t know what to do? Talk to your friends. Or well, in this case, your friend. He didn’t wanna talk about you to Sunghoon. He was a firm believer of bro code, but he didn’t wanna bottle up his feelings like he had all these years. So he went to Jake and told him everything, from your childhood friendship to Soobin, Heeseung and now Sunghoon.

“I know it’s stupid. It’s this whole cliché of, you only realize what you have when you lose it.”

“Well, you haven’t really lost Y/N, you know. It’s not like Sunghoon and her are dating.”

“I guess not, but he clearly likes her. It’d be a dick move to go after her now that they’ve got something going on.”

Jake hesitated for a second, debating whether he should say what he was thinking, but ultimately deciding it might be better to do it. “You know, I’m not sure that he does. You know what Sunghoon’s like. He’s never very honest about his intentions. I don’t wanna bring the subject up with him, cause I don’t wanna cause any drama, but it’s so suspicious to me that he’s suddenly spending time with Y/N when he’s never mentioned her all those years and when he rejects all these girls all the time.”

“I think it’s weird, too,” agreed Jay. “I just can’t seem to figure it out. And I’m a bit scared for Y/N, to be honest. Remember that girl in freshman year? They’d gotten along really well when he suddenly dropped her. I still remember his cold-ass stare when he turned her down. It even chilled me, man.”

“God, yeah, I always forget about that. He may be a jackass to all those girls, but when you know what he’s really like like we do, it seems so unlikely that he’d do something like that.”

Jay sighed and looked out into the distance. “I just hope he doesn’t hurt Y/N.”

Jake looked at his friend, thinking how to phrase his next sentence. “Like I said, I don’t wanna cause any drama… but, man, if you don’t want him to hurt Y/N, just don’t let him. If you make a move on her, you might get to her before he does. Better to do that now than to have to pick up the pieces, don’t you think?”

Jay mentally thanked the heavens for gifting him with a friend like Sim Jaeyun. “Yes, that is much, much better.”

He was going to stop sitting on his feelings and finally let them see the light.

—

But before that, Sunghoon had another one of his requests for you. You were sitting together in an empty classroom after school as you often did these past weeks. For you, today was an ordinary day, but the boy in front of you had something else in mind. He wasn’t saying anything but you could feel his nervousness and it was starting to make you feel anxious as well.

You lifted your head from your notes and looked at Sunghoon who seemed lost in his thoughts. “What is it, Sunghoon?”

This made him snap out of his reverie. “Um, nothing.”

“Well, seeing how you’ve been tapping your foot at the speed of lightning ever since we got here, it doesn’t seem like nothing.” You crossed your arms over the table and looked at him more intently, eyes asking him to tell you what was on his mind.

He sighed, giving in. “I was just thinking… there’s something I wanna tell you.”

“Go on. “

“I need you to date me.”

Your breath caught in your throat. Park Sunghoon… needed you… to date him? Was he asking you out? The way he’d worded it was a bit odd, but you didn’t put it past him.

Taking in your silence and wide eyes, he quickly added: “Not in that way! I, um, need you to be my fake girlfriend.”

Oh.

So he wasn’t asking you out. You weren’t sure why that made you so upset, but you tried to keep the disappointment out of your eyes and voice.

“Right,” you said, tone a bit harsher than you’d meant it to, “and why would I do that?”

Sunghoon smirked lightly. “Well, first of all, you don’t have much of a choice.” You rolled your eyes at that. It’d been a few days since the reason why you had started hanging out in the first place had come up, and you didn’t like to be reminded of that god-forsaken picture. 

“And second of all… I guess I should be completely honest with you.” This piqued your interest, and you leaned back on your chair to listen to him. 

“When I saw you at the store and took pictures of you, I wasn’t really thinking of doing anything. Maybe just get a laugh or two and tease you about it. I even told you outside the store that I didn’t know what I was gonna do. To be honest, I didn’t really think there was anything you could do for me that I’d need to force you to do. So I thought about it all night. And I asked myself, what’s the thing that pisses me off the most at school that you could change?” he looked at you expectantly, as if you could figure it out. You just shrugged.

“It’s those girls that keep following me around. All these years, I’ve acted like a giant asshole with them and still they think they have a crush on me or whatever. And I’ve never liked any of them, they’re all so superficial and ask me out without having ever talked to me before. So I thought, hey, maybe if I have a girlfriend, they’ll leave me alone. Which is why I made you do all those things for me.”

“So that they’d think we were dating?” you asked, trying to take all this information in. You’d sort of known it this entire time, but Sunghoon blatantly admitting he’d been using you hurt nonetheless.

“Yeah. But obviously, you always denied the rumors, so it hasn’t worked as well as I thought it would. It still did a bit though. So I think, if we take it the next step, and actually pretend we’re dating, it should really work. But I need your full cooperation on this, okay?” He looked at you, hopeful eyes and hands in prayer.

You sighed. As he said, it wasn’t like you had much of a choice.

“Please, Y/N? I really want them off my back.”

“Fine, Park, I’ll do it. But this better be the last thing you make me do.” You couldn’t help but sound cold. This made you rethink these past few weeks’ events. Were you the only one actually enjoying spending time together?

“Thanks, Y/N. And yeah, of course. You won’t have to carry my bag or get my lunch anymore if you want. Maybe it’ll be more believable if I do that for you.”

You had focused your attention back to your homework, wanting this conversation to be over as soon as possible.

“I’ll also pick you up in the morning, so you don’t need to take the bus.”

You hummed in response.

“Um, and I’ll also drop you off after school and after practice…” Sunghoon trailed, troubled by your silence. You hadn’t been so cold since the first couple times you two had talked, and he hated the idea that that might be because of what he had just said. So he took a chance.

“You know, Y/N, this doesn’t change anything. I wouldn’t have made you do all those things if I didn’t like spending time with you. You’re really nice to be around,” he admitted shyly.

You were far too flustered to lift your head and let him see your face. You just grinned and murmured, “Whatever, Park.”

—

Sunghoon kept his promise and picked you up in the morning. He called you at exactly 7:55 a.m., saying he was waiting outside and you rushed out of your house, piece of toast still in your mouth. In the car, you two went over what being in a fake relationship would involve.

“We just need to be seen around together, right?” you proposed, hoping your lack of experience wasn’t showing.

Thankfully, Sunghoon had no idea what being in a relationship, fake or not, entailed either. “Yeah, I think. And maybe…” he hesitated. 

“Maybe?” you prodded, hoping he wouldn’t (or actually would, but you’d never admit it) say what you thought he was about to say.

“I don’t know, like, hold hands, and… kiss.” The last part had barely been audible, but you’d still heard it.

“Kiss?” you echoed, voice almost a shriek. “I don’t think we need to go that far, Sunghoon.” A little voice in your head was saying that you’d really like to go that far but you made it shut up.

He was blushing profusely but didn’t want to drop the subject there. “At least on the cheek, or something. We do have to make it believable.”

And there it was. The little sentence, reminding you none of this was real. Seemed like that was a pattern in your life.

You looked out the window. Sunghoon glanced over at you, cursing himself for always saying the wrong thing. He was trying so hard to drown his blooming feelings for you that he kept on hurting you in the process. This whole fake-dating plan was the perfect excuse for him to spend more time with you without having to come to terms with his feelings. 

“C’mon, Y/N, it’ll be fun. Promise.” He nudged your arm playfully, making you look at him. His smile was contagious; you could never help yourself but start grinning when you saw his face light up like that. Maybe he’s right, you thought. Maybe this won’t be so bad after all.

When you arrived at school, Sunghoon told you to wait for a second. He got out of the car and quickly walked around to your side, opening the door for you. You hated how your heart fluttered at the sweet gesture, reminding yourself it was just for show. The important part was that it fooled everyone else, and it did - as you took Sunghoon’s hand, letting him help you out of the car, and walked with him hand in hand towards the school gates, you could feel all eyes on you. You could hear whispers of see, I told you they were dating! and defeated no ways. 

You realized you didn’t care about what anybody might be seeing, which was a first for you. You’d always made sure everybody saw you exactly the way you wanted to see them. As he was the most popular guy in school, dating Park Sunghoon at once helped your reputation and put you on many girls’ bad side. But holding his hand, you felt as though there was some kind of barrier protecting you. You’d never felt so exposed and so safe at the same time.

You noticed Jay standing next to the gates, looking particularly antsy. He’d texted you that morning, saying there was something he wanted to tell you. Usually, you’d have stayed up, overthinking what that could be, but what with today being the day you’d announce yourself to the world (your school) as Park Sunghoon’s (fake) girlfriend, you had had other things to worry about. You gestured at Sunghoon towards Jay. Your friend only saw you when you were calling his name, standing right in front of him.

“Oh, hi, Y/N! I-” 

He immediately cut himself off when he saw yours and Sunghoon’s interlaced fingers. Embarrassed, you took your hand out of your fake boyfriend’s, opting for holding onto his pinky instead, not realizing that it was a much cuter action that made one boy’s heart flutter and the other’s fill up with sadness.

“There was something you wanted to tell me?” you asked with a small smile.

“Uh- yeah, but it’s not important, actually. We can talk about it later.”

“Oh, you sure?”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.” He returned your smile, hoping to make the situation less awkward. It was very obvious he didn’t want to say whatever it was he needed to tell you in front of Sunghoon, which you had both understood.

Sunghoon spoke up. “Right, well I’ll see you in class, Jay. Y/N, I’ll walk you to yours.” And with that, he started walking, holding his friend’s gaze for a few steps. You turned back to look at Jay for a split second, trying to decipher what had just happened, but Sunghoon grabbed you by the waist, making you look up at him in surprise, and breaking Jay’s heart even further.

—

Once Sunghoon and you got to your class, you felt as though you were in one of those movies where the boy drops the girl off at her house after their first date. Except that this was in a crowded school hallway two minutes before the first bell rang. What you had in common with that girl from the movie, however, was that you were freaking out over what your boy was going to do next. In the car, you’d ended up agreeing to a kiss on the cheek, but you hadn’t realized it would be happening so soon.

As you two hovered around your classroom’s door, you looked at each other and giggled. Damn, you were selling this well. So well that if you could have ascended out of your body and looked at the scene as a third party, you’d probably have barfed all over yourself. 

You were still holding his pinky. You could tell he was too hesitant to do anything now that you had reached the classroom, and so you mustered all of your courage, stood on your tippy toes and softly pressed your lips to his cheeks. (You were pretty sure you’d heard gasps around you.) Your courage went as fast as it came, and as realization hit you, you quickly squeaked “bye, Sunghoon” and practically ran to your seat. The boy stood there for another second or two, hand going to his cheek where you had just kissed him. He walked happily to his own classroom, completely oblivious to the stares he was receiving.

Heeseung, Jiung and Sieun were looking at you in disbelief as you approached them. Sumin, on the other hand, looked like she had paid no attention whatsoever to the scene.

“Y/N,” Sieun teased in a sing-song voice. “Care to explain what just happened?”

“Don’t tell me you’ve actually managed to make the oh-so-great Park Sunghoon fall for you?” Jiung asked jokingly. 

You looked down in an attempt to hide your grin. You usually did that sort of stuff to appear humble when someone complimented you, but this time it was completely genuine. The mere thought of Sunghoon made you all giddy inside. “Um, yeah, he actually asked me to be his girlfriend last night.”

Your three friends gasped dramatically and Sieun pulled you into a hug, as if you’d just received an award of some kind. Heeseung and Jiung patted your shoulders, congratulating you.

“Sumin? Did you know about this?” Sieun enquired, turning to your friend.

“What? Oh, yeah, Y/N called me last night,” she answered, briefly looking at you before turning back to her phone. Sieun looked at you, surprised, not understanding Sumin’s reaction to what seemed like happy news.

You had indeed called Sumin the previous night, and the call had gone similarly to the way she was behaving this morning. Although you usually told her everything, this time, you didn’t want to share the fact that you and Sunghoon were only fake dating. You found yourself actually wanting it to be true - and you thought it’d be easier to believe it yourself if everyone, including your best friend, did too.

“Minie! I’ve got some news,” you’d said as soon as she picked out.

“Ooh! Hit me,” she’d replied with as much excitement in her voice as you.

“So…” you’d started, already giggling. “Sunghoon’s just asked me out. I haven’t told anyone else, I wanted you to be the first to know.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. After a while, you added, “Minie, you still there?”

“Huh? Yeah, um, that’s nice, Y/N, I’m happy for you,” she said, not sounding happy at all. There was no trace of excitement left in her voice.

“Yeah, thanks,” you replied, voice ten times smaller than a minute ago.

“I’m sorry Y/N, but I’ve got to go, my parents are calling me. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She hung up suddenly, giving you no time to say bye in return. You were completely confused. Was Sumin bothered by you and Sunghoon dating? Other than a reminder about his past behavior, she hadn’t said anything when you two were getting closer. So what was wrong? You’d hoped you’d find out the next day at school, but the way she was acting didn’t help at all.

You snapped out of your flashback when Heeseung nudged you, faking a pout. “Not fair! Why did she get to know before we did?”

You forced a smile and said you’d known you’d see them the next day and thought it was better to tell them in person, and that you had just wanted to rant to someone quickly. Your teacher came in as the bell rang and everyone went to their seat. During class, you tried getting her attention so you could ask her if she was okay but she kept her attention on the teacher the whole time. 

After that, as time went by, you kept up your charade of being the perfect student as usual, adding to that of being the perfect girlfriend to Sunghoon. Time with him passed by so quickly: you hadn’t realized you were more than halfway through the semester until you needed to wear a thicker jacket outside and the leaves had started falling, covering school grounds in shades of brown. The plan had worked: he was finally left alone by his admirers. Sumin had stopped being weird after a few days, saying she had had some problems with her parents but hadn’t gone into more detail. Everything was as great as it had ever been: good grades, good friends and a good boyfriend. Well, fake boyfriend, which you needed to remind yourself a bit too often, on the days Sunghoon didn’t do it himself. You felt a pinch in your heart every time he said something like, “there’s my fake girlfriend!” when it was just the two of you, or “great job today, Y/N” after dropping you off.

One day as you arrived home, Yeeun was waiting outside your house, trying to catch you red-handed. She dragged him inside by the arm and you panicked, not wanting him to see how you lived. But your messy room and invasive siblings didn’t scare him off at all; on the contrary, he smiled one of the biggest smiles you’d ever seen on him, canines and dimples on display. Your mom made him stay over for dinner and it was probably the happiest dinner you’d ever had. The idea of bringing someone home and having them see your habits and odd family dynamics had terrified you for the longest time, but you felt so comfortable around Sunghoon that it felt as if he was part of your home as soon as he’d stepped foot inside. You didn’t feel the need to hide anything from him.

After dinner, he helped your parents clear up the table and even washed the dishes, even though they kept insisting he didn’t have to do anything. He had completely won them over. They sat at the table and watched you two laugh together in the kitchen. They looked at each other, knowing they were thinking the exact same thing: their daughter hadn’t looked this happy in a while.

When you were done cleaning up, you two headed to your room under the pretense of needing to study. 

“Alright, but keep the door open!” your mom had yelled after you, making you groan and Sunghoon’s face turn crimson red.

You really had planned on studying - there was a big test coming up and you couldn’t afford to get a bad grade. When you got your physics textbook out, Sunghoon groaned in protest.

“What? You seriously want to study right now?”

You sighed. “I don’t necessarily want to, no, but I need to. And so do you, may I add.”

“We’re not even in the same physics class!”

“Yeah, but we both have Mr. Cho, so I know you’re gonna have a test as well.”

He rolled his eyes and dramatically flung himself on your bed. “Fine.”

When he didn’t move for a few minutes, you guessed what he had meant was that he’d let you study but wasn’t going to do it himself. But after ten minutes, he suddenly got up. “I’m bored to death, Y/N. The test isn’t in another week. Show me what you do for fun,” he said, on the verge of desperation. It had only been ten minutes, but you felt bad having him over and not entertaining him.

“Well, I do have a Switch…” Sunghoon’s eyes widened in awe. “I guess we can play Mario Kart.”

He almost squealed in joy at that. You just chuckled at him, not knowing he was such a fan of car video games. 

“I’m gonna crush you, Kim. Get ready,” he said, already looking victorious.

You smirked, not wanting him to get his hopes up. “Oh, it’s on, Park.”

As expected of a pro player like you (on non-schooldays, you could stay up all night playing this game), you won every single round. Sure, he gave you a run for your money, but you always came on top. He took it surprisingly well, congratulating you each time. After your fourth win in a row, you wiggled your face in front of his with a devilish smile, as you couldn’t help but torment him a little. But he wasn’t smiling. At first, you’d thought he was finally getting mad he kept on losing; but then the proximity between you two hit you. You noticed his eyes flicker momentarily to your lips and had backed off immediately.

“Um, if we go for another round, I’ll go easy on-”

He cut you off by putting his hand on your cheek, making you turn to look at him. You’d daydreamed about this moment before, but you hadn’t imagined your heart beating this fast or the butterflies eating away at your stomach. He was now fully staring at your lips, and you couldn’t look at anything else but his either. Too scared to move an inch, you felt him get closer and closer, so close that his lips were almost on-

“Y/N, mom says it’s late and Sunghoon needs to- AH!”

Sunoo had walked in, eyes riveted on his phone until he looked up and saw you and Sunghoon suspiciously close to each other. Sunghoon practically leaped off of your bed in surprise and you flung a pillow over your face, not believing you had almost kissed Park Sunghoon but that your stupid little brother had ruined everything.

“Sorry! I’m sorry!” the culprit squeaked before running away. You and Sunghoon looked at each other. It was awkward for two seconds, then you both erupted in laughter. 

“Alright, guess I should get going then. Um, thank you so much for tonight. I haven’t had a family dinner in a while, and… Well, it was really nice,” he admitted shyly after you’d calmed down.

“Of course, Sunghoon. I’m sure my parents would love to have you over any time.”

You walked him to your front door, where you exchanged goodbyes and I’ll see you tomorrows. You watched him take a few steps, then turn back and jog towards you. He stood in front of you for a second, then leaned down and placed a kiss on your forehead.

“Bye, Y/N.”

You were too stunned to say it back.

—

After the almost-kiss, it felt as though something had changed between you and Sunghoon. The event had somewhat revealed your feelings: you both knew you wanted to kiss each other. But since those feelings hadn’t been acted upon, the transition from fake-dating to real dating couldn’t happen as smoothly. Well, it could, if you two stopped acting like idiots and told each other how you felt. But the author wanted to get a couple more thousand words in, so it had to wait.

You’d gotten used to Sunghoon’s little requests at school, but you definitely hadn’t anticipated a phone call at past 11pm on a Wednesday night. 

“Sunghoon? Why are you calling me so late?” you asked, groggy voice because of sleep. Since you woke up so early to get ready in the morning, you always went to bed around 9:30 to 10 p.m. Sunghoon was making you lose precious minutes of slumber.

“Late? It’s barely midnight, Y/N.” You groaned. “Whatever, put on some clothes and come outside! I’m waiting for you.”

“You’re what?” you whisper-screamed, suddenly feeling very awake.

“I’m waiting for you! Hurry up!” 

As always, he hung up without waiting for your reply. You couldn’t really turn him down anyway; although you were somewhat obligated, you had stopped seeing it that way and started doing things for him out of your own volition. 

Not wanting to get out of your pajamas, you just threw on a warm sweater, a scarf, some socks, and headed down the hallway on your tiptoes. Your parents weren’t the strictest out there, but you still didn’t wanna get caught sneaking out, and with a boy, at that. After putting on your shoes, you left your house, closing the door behind you as quietly as you could.

The late October night was a bit chilly, but you had wrapped up warm enough. Sunghoon was indeed waiting for you outside, wearing a denim jacket over his gray sweatshirt and matching sweatpants. 

God, he looked good.

“Finally! Took you long enough.”

“Quit it, Sunghoon. Just tell me why you wanted to see me.”

“There’s a place I wanna show you. Come on,” he said, taking you by the hand. You felt tingles in your palm and fingers wherever his hand touched yours. How could something feel so natural yet make your heart race so at the same time?

“Are we walking there?” you asked.

“Yep, it’s not too far. We’ll be there in five minutes.”

Those five minutes felt like five seconds walking with Sunghoon. You chatted and joked around the whole way, not letting go of each other’s hand. You hadn’t even noticed you had reached your destination until he stopped walking.

“Here we are,” he said, facing the building, which made you turn in the direction he was looking.

“The ice rink? What are we doing here?” you asked, confused. It was 11:30 pm; surely, the rink would be closed.

“You’ll see!” he said, heading towards the entrance. To your surprise, he pulled out a key from his pockets and opened the doors.

“What? Sunghoon! How do you have a key to the ice rink?”

“I’m chummy with the janitor. I just need to let him know when I’ll be coming and he doesn’t tell anyone,” he replied, an easy smile on his face, as if this was the most normal thing in the world. He led you first to the shoe rack, helping you find skates your size, and then to the benches next to the rink’s entrance. He knelt in front of you and helped you put on your shoes, doing the laces for you. 

He looked up at you, a glint in his eyes. “I’ve never taken anyone here, Y/N. I know your secret, so I thought I’d show you mine.”

You didn’t know what to say, surprised at the sudden confession, so you just looked at him curiously as he took ice skates from his backpack and laced them up.

He stood up, turned to you and said, “Ready?”

You followed him to the doors leading to the ice. He stepped inside without a trace of hesitation, but you were much more doubtful about your ability to stand on the ice without falling instantly. He turned around and saw you looking helpless. He took your hand in his, helping you step onto the rink. 

“Don’t worry, Y/N. As long as I’ve got you, you won’t fall.”

“Don’t let go of my hand, then,” you said pointedly.

Too focused on not slipping, you didn’t see his smile. “I wasn’t planning to.”

He helped you get your footing, skating backwards in front of you and holding both of your hands. After a few minutes on the ice, you got brave enough to skate on your own, and you miraculously managed to stay on your feet. However, after a while, your bravery turned to hubris, and you dared attempt a spin, resulting in you miserably falling on the ice, butt first. Sunghoon was worried for a second until he saw you laughing uncontrollably. You looked at him, wide-eyed, and said, “This is so much fun, Hoon.” You were so exhilarated that you hadn’t noticed the nickname slipping from your lips but the boy’s cheeks and ears turned redder than the bruise you had surely just earned yourself. Thankfully, if you commented on it, he could just blame it on the cold. 

He helped you up, and you skated on as if nothing had happened. This went on for another thirty minutes, you skating hand in hand and occasionally falling together (but most of the time, just you falling on your own). Sunghoon had been so nervous before bringing you here; he was scared you’d think his hobby was unmanly or lame, as he’d been made to feel. But seeing you have the time of your life, all his worries dissipated. This place was like a second home to him, and bringing someone into your home was always nerve-wracking, but he thought you fit perfectly in it. 

When you told him you were getting tired and wanted to sit for a while, you skated back together to the benches and he gave you some water from his bag. You sat in silence for a while, waiting for your breathing to come back to a normal pace. 

You broke the silence first. “So, why’d you take me here? Not that I’m complaining.”

He hesitated a second before speaking. "I used to come here all the time as a kid.” He didn’t look at you when he answered, keeping his gaze on his hands. “My mom would take me. She left us for another man the summer before middle school started. She left me alone with my asshole father.”

You let out a small gasp, not expecting such a confession. You placed your hand on his back for comfort and said, “I’m sorry, Sunghoon.”

He quickly glanced at you, a half-smile on his face. “Don’t be. Anyways, he had to somewhat start taking care of me now that my mom wasn’t there to do it.” He chuckled darkly. “I guess his idea of taking care of his son was forbidding him from doing the one thing he loved. He thought it was a stupid sport for a boy. He stopped all of my lessons and made me sign up for soccer, even though I hadn’t ever said I wanted to do that. I still came here from time to time, but I didn’t wanna risk getting caught. God knows what he’d have done if he saw me here.”

You weren’t sure what to say. You felt as if no words would be enough to express how his story made you feel. “I- it’s awful, what he did to you. No parent should ever make their child feel as though their passion isn’t worth it. If it’s any comfort, even though you were mostly helping me, I thought you looked ten times better on that rink than scoring any goal. And that’s saying something.”

He finally looked at you and grinned. “Thanks, Y/N.” He seemed to be thinking for a few seconds, and then continued: “I’ve had a lot of time to think about it, and I think that’s why it’s hard for me to open up to people and make lots of friends. I only trust Jake because I’ve known him forever and I can’t really get rid of him now,” he said with a chuckle, “and Jay, well, Jake took to him instantly in middle school so I guess I didn’t have a choice there either, and he’s not so bad anyway. The more people I let in, the more likely I am to get hurt. It’s much easier pretending I don’t wanna have anything to do with anyone than try. 

“I guess it’s also why I talked to you on that day. Sure, I ended up thinking you could help me with all those girls. But at first, when I saw someone like you, who looks like they have it all together, who’s actually the opposite in real life - no offense - it reminded me of myself. And I thought, maybe she’d understand. Which is why it was so easy to be myself around you.”

You took his hand in yours and pressed it slightly. “I’m glad you were.” You didn’t feel the need to say anything else, hoping it was enough.

“Now, your turn. What made you the person you are today?” he asked with a grin, trying to approach lightheartedly this heavy subject, which you appreciated.

“It’s all about making people think you’re someone else, isn’t it? Because, depending on who you are, they’ll treat you differently. I found that out as a kid, because I, too, have a tragic childhood backstory.” He gasped jokingly.

“It’s not as bad as yours, so sorry about that. Back in primary school, I already had this… attitude that I have today. I had quite the ego, and I didn’t want anyone doing better than me at school. I didn’t care about how I looked, if I was the prettiest girl in class or had the cutest shoes. I was the smarty-pants of the class, basically, and a lot of the kids teased me for that. But I also didn’t let myself get trampled over, and fought back, quite aggressively at that, so I was somehow the nerd and the troublemaker at the same time. I didn’t have the best reputation, but I did have a friend. Jay. Or Jongseong, at the time, before he got too cool for his real name,” you joked. “The thing is, I didn’t see him as a friend. Sure, I was only eight or nine, but I really liked him. And the day I was planning on confessing, I saw him hold hands with the prettiest girl in our class. So I never told him, and then he left for the US a few months later.

“During the time he was gone, I had a complete makeover and actually started caring about my appearance, especially when middle school started. So now I had academic validation from teachers, which I had craved since forever, and both female and male validation from all the girls telling me how pretty I was and all the guys liking me. The people who were in my primary school and went to the same middle school told them how I used to be, but nobody believed them, and if they did, they didn’t care, so everybody just gradually forgot about it. And I just got addicted to the validation, which is why I always studied harder and tried to be prettier, even when it turned into a complete lie. I thought that if I could make everyone believe I was perfect, then it didn’t matter what I was like in real life, so at home, I just let myself completely go. And even now that I’m aware of all of this, I still can’t stop.”

Sunghoon looked at you like you had just slapped him. “So, you used to have a crush on Jay?”

You looked at him in exasperation. “Seriously, Hoon? That’s what you get from everything I just told you?”

He smiled shyly. “Sorry. Thank you for telling me.” You sat there in comfortable silence for another few minutes, still hand in hand. Then, Sunghoon got up, grin on his face.

“Wanna see something cool?” You nodded at him, returning his grin. He headed back inside the rink.

You thought he was gonna show off by doing some fancy trick. But he started gliding on the ice, and you couldn’t believe what you were seeing. He took long strides that looked as natural to him as walking. He spinned one, two, three times, and continued skating as though it was nothing. You were completely mesmerized. You already thought he was out-of-this-world beautiful, but his beauty was brought to another level when he skated. His elegant moves rendered you breathless. When he skated back towards you, you were looking at him with only awe and admiration in your eyes. 

After what he’d told you and what he’d just shown you, you couldn't help but get a little emotional. You engulfed him in a hug as soon as he’d stepped out of the rink, your arms around his neck and his naturally coming to your waist. Your hands came up to his cheeks as you leaned back to properly look at him.

“That was- wow. That was amazing, Sunghoon. Thank you for showing me.” You could see the gratefulness in his eyes. There was something else there, and whatever it was, you knew you were looking back at him with as much of it. It was only you two in the building, but it might as well have been the two of you in the whole world. 

All too similarly as in your room, his gaze went from your eyes to your lips, and you couldn’t help but mirror that. This was the perfect moment. You inched your face closer, letting him close the gap between you. Your lips touched and it was as if everything fell into place. The kiss was shy at first, neither of you sure what to do, your mouths moving at a slow but steady pace. But as your hands traveled from his cheeks, to his jaw and down to his neck, and you felt him sigh in the kiss, something unclicked in you, making you want more. You deepened the kiss, and he returned it with just as much force. Your right hand came to grab at the nape of his hair and his hands gripped your waist tighter. After minutes or hours, you broke the kiss in need of some air. Your eyes met again and you smiled at him, relieved it had finally happened. 

You thought he’d have a similar reaction, but he suddenly looked panicked. Realization hit him like a truck. He liked you. Far too much. And even if the kiss and these past weeks told him you might like him back, it scared him. He’d unlocked his heart for you but couldn’t let you keep the key. Otherwise, he’d let you open it more and more and more until there he was completely bare in front of you, and you decided you didn’t like what you’d found and left him. Just like his mom did. Just like everyone eventually does. Just like his dad never even tried.

He took a step back. His panic was rubbing off on you. You called out his name, but he quickly got his bag and said, “Sorry, Y/N, I have to go. I’ll um- I’ll see you.” He took a few steps, turned around, and said, “I think you should take the bus tomorrow morning. Sorry.”

He started walking away. A few steps before he’d be out of your view, he turned back around. He hated the look on your face, how sad, confused and helpless it was all at once. Above all, he hated that he was the reason behind it. But he told himself it was better to leave you now than be left in a few months when you got bored of him, and started walking again without another word.

—

You walked home alone. It was a dark November night, and you were shivering from the cold and from sadness. Try as hard as you might, you couldn’t figure out why Sunghoon had reacted like that. The past month had gone so well, you were only getting closer and more comfortable with each other. The only logical conclusion you could come to was that kissing you had made him realize he didn’t like you. Thankfully, you didn’t live too far from the ice rink and you got home in five minutes. Lost in your thoughts, you couldn’t even be bothered to be quiet closing the front door and walking to your room, and you woke Sunoo up.

At first, he looked like he was about to scold you for making so much noise; but upon seeing your disheveled state, he started worrying. 

“Y/N? What’s wrong, why are you only coming home now? Where were you?”

You couldn’t hold it in any longer. You fell in your brother’s arms and started crying your heart out.

He held you for a little while, but not wanting to wake the others up by staying in the hallway, he said, “Come on, let’s get you in your room. You’re freezing.”

He left for a few minutes and came back with two cups of tea in his hands. He joined you on your bed. You had calmed down a bit and took a sip of the tea, already feeling warmer.

“So, tell me everything.”

And you did. Not just about what had happened at the ice rink, but everything before that: how yours and Sunghoon’s relationship was fake, which you hadn’t even told your siblings, but that it hadn’t kept you from falling for him, and how you really thought he felt the same way. When you got to the part where you told each other about your stories, Sunoo grabbed your arm in surprise, and said, “I can’t believe you told someone about that. Good for you, big sis.”

You sat in silence after a few minutes when you’d finished telling him everything, you, still reflecting on your evening, and him, trying to think of something good to say. He took a deep breath, and started: “You know, this might be completely useless, but I feel like there’s no point trying to figure out why he did that. We’re not mind readers, and assuming things will just go wrong. I think the best thing to do is just ask him tomorrow, or whenever you’re ready to face him, really.”

You looked at your brother fondly. “How can you be so stupid sometimes, yet so wise right now?”

Sunoo and you talked for another minute, but when you yawned for a good seven straight seconds, you both agreed it was time for bed. Before you fell asleep, you told yourself that tomorrow morning, you’d find Sunghoon and make him be clear with you. You at least deserved that.

—

Heeseung and Sumin were clearly surprised to see you the next morning in the bus, but you told them you didn’t want to talk about it and they didn’t push, although it very obviously had something to do with Sunghoon. As you rode the bus and psyched yourself for your conversation with him, you had no idea he was currently in the midst of a heated argument with Jay. The latter pushed him with force, making Sunghoon’s back hit the classroom wall behind him.

“What the fuck did you just say about Y/N?” Jay asked, venom in his voice and fury in his eyes.

Despite the pain, Sunghoon smirked, wanting to rile up his friend even more. “I said, Y/N’s just as stupid as all the other girls. She probably thinks she’s so much better than everybody, but in the end it was so easy making her fall for me. It was almost boring, really, how easy she was.”

Jay pushed him again. “Don’t fucking talk about her like that.”

“Aw, little Jay is getting upset over his little Y/N? You sad that the girl you like actually likes an asshole like me?”

Jay hadn’t had many reasons to get angry in his life. This was making him discover another side of himself; he didn’t know he could get this angry. He didn’t know rage could fill up his veins like that and make him want to destroy absolutely everything around him, but above all, the person in front of him who’d he considered a friend all these years. On the verge of losing control, he reared up his fist, before Sunghoon said:

“You know what’s even sadder? She used to like you, too.”

His arm dropped. “What?”

“Yeah, in primary school. Didn’t you think it was weird how different she was before and after you left? Her little heartbreak made her change everything about herself just so that people would like her. And now all she can do is lie to everyone. I pity her, really. And to think that she thought I liked her. What an idiot.”

That was the last straw. Jay punched Sunghoon square in the nose, making him stumble back a few steps until he hit the wall again. He held onto his bloody, and possibly broken, nose and looked Jay straight in the eyes, still smirking. Thinking his job was done (but not sure what the job was in the first place), he walked away, heading to the nurses’ station. The scene had gathered quite an audience outside. It was less than ten minutes to the first bell, so already quite a few students were there, but no one had dared to venture inside. Jake, arriving too late to prevent any damage, looked wide-eyed back and forth between Sunghoon walking out and Jay standing inside, fists clenched by his side and panting from anger.

Sunghoon barely spared him or anyone a glance as he left the room. What he did notice though, were a crumpled tuna-mayo sandwich and a banana milk on the floor, looking as though someone had dropped them.

What had he done?

—

You had already run back to your friends and were currently crying for the second time in twelve hours in Sumin’s arms. It was the first time ever you cried at school, and probably also in front of your friends, spare Sumin, so it was a curious sight to most; she took you to another room for privacy. 

There, you practically told her everything you had told Sunoo the night before, including the fake dating.

“Wait… so, you and Sunghoon weren’t actually dating?”

You nodded, embarrassed by your lie.

“I- Why didn’t you tell me, Y/N? How could you fool everyone like that?”

You looked up in surprise at your friend’s harsh words. You probably deserved them, but you weren’t used to hearing her speak in such a way, nor to the cold stare she was peering down at you with. 

“I don’t know… I’m really sorry…” you mumbled, ashamed.

She scoffed. “You should be. I just- I just don’t understand how you can already be living such a lie, and still add onto it. It makes me wonder how I’m still friends with you.” The bell rang right at that moment, and she got up, saying, “Let’s go to class. You wouldn’t wanna be late.”

You followed her, but you felt sick to your stomach. Usually, you could always hide your discomfort or sadness, no matter how bad your period cramps were or how serious an argument with your parents had gotten. But this time, it was too much, and fifteen minutes into the class, you asked the teacher to go to the nurse. Not used to you needing to leave class and trusting that it was for a legitimate reason, your teacher let you off and you quickly packed your bag and left. 

When you got to the nurse, you sat down in front of her and said you weren’t feeling well and wanted to go home. For the same reasons as your teacher, she said she’d let you but needed to ask you a few questions before about your general well-being. You answered them quickly, wanting to get this over with as soon as possible and just go home. 

When you finally were able to leave, you only took a few steps out of the nurse’s office before someone grabbed your wrist, making you turn around. Sunghoon, who was resting in the room next door, had heard your voice and gotten up as soon as he’d heard you leave. His nose was covered in bandages and his eye had started swelling and turning blue, and you mentally thanked Jay. You ripped your arm out of his grip and continued to walk away without a word. You were too tired to argue.

“Y/N, please, hear me out.”

This made you stop in your tracks, but you didn’t turn around. “Hear you out? I’ve already heard enough, Sunghoon. No need to explain, you made it very clear what you think of me.”

You started walking again but he doubled you and blocked your path in the narrow hallway. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry, if you’d just give me a minute-”

“I don’t care that you’re sorry, Sunghoon! Sorry doesn’t cut it. I trusted you. Actually trusted you. You out of all people should know how hard it is to do that. Or was that a lie too?” Seeing him in front of you, your sadness retreated to the back of your heart and you were left with only anger. 

“It wasn’t, I prom-”

“That doesn’t mean anything to me anymore.” You pushed past him and walked on. And this time, he let you go, even though the only thing you wanted him to do was make you stay. You so desperately wanted to hear him out and forgive him, but you knew you couldn’t do that. You had too much dignity, and it would only end up hurting you even further. 

So you didn’t shed a tear the whole way home. When you finally got to your bed, you didn’t have the energy to start crying. You fell asleep, tears quietly rolling down your face. 

—

You slept the whole day, waking up to a soft knock on your bedroom door. It was your mom, telling you Jay was here to see you. Everyone had been surprised to see you already at home when they came back from work or school, but they knew better than to wake you up.

“I’m surprised, you know. He’s gotten so handsome.”

You rolled your eyes at her. “Just tell him that I’m not feeling well and he should go home, please.”

“Oh, I’ve already tried to, honey. The boy is adamant on seeing you.”

You sighed. “Fine. Can you bring him here, then?”

A few seconds later, you heard another knock, and Jay opened the door just enough to peek his head through, asking if he could come in.

“Well, you’re already here, so might as well.”

You sat up and gestured for him to sit down on your bed.

He looked around, taking in the messiness of his surroundings. “You know, I thought your room would be much more… organized.”

“Didn’t Sunghoon tell you? I’m a big, fat liar who hides the truth from everyone,” you said sarcastically.

“About that… did you hear everything he said?” You hummed in response. “I’m so sorry you had to hear that, Y/N. I don’t know what happened to him. He’d never said anything like that about you, and then, all of a sudden… What an asshole. I can’t believe he was my friend.”

“Was? You shouldn’t end your friendship over me, Jay.”

“Are you kidding me? I can’t be friends with a guy who talks about anyone like that, let alone you.” After a few minutes of silence, he asked, “Did um- did anything happen, for him to say those things?”

You sighed deeply. “I’ve already told this story twice in the past few days, so I’ll give you the short version, but basically, we were fake dating, and I started really liking him, and I thought he did too, until we kissed, and he left me completely stranded, and then the next day I hear him say all those things.”

Silence again. You suddenly remembered something Sunghoon had said that you had completely put to the side: Jay likes you. At least, according to Sunghoon. You didn’t know if it was true, but judging by his disappointed face, it looked like it. Seemed like all of your friendships were going to hell.

“Oh,” he simply said.

“Yeah…” you murmured back. 

“Well,” he turned to you, “that just confirms to me that he’s an asshole. Cause no guy in his right mind would turn you down, Y/N. I know I wouldn’t.”

He looked straight at you as he said that. Yep. Jay liked you. It was a nice feeling, but it was also about ten years too late. 

“Do you- do you know what I’m trying to say, Y/N?” he asked, gulping.

You hesitated for a second before saying, ��I think I do, Jay. I have to say, your timing isn’t great.”

He chuckled a bit lifelessly. “Yeah, I guess right now isn’t the best time to say this.”

“I also meant, you know what Sunghoon said, earlier? That I liked you before you left for the US? That was true.”

He looked at you, mouth agape. “Oh, was it…” His head hung down in defeat. “I can’t believe I’ve been such an idiot. I feel like it’s my fault that Sunghoon hurt you like this. If only I’d been just a bit earlier…”

“None of this is your fault, Jay. Please don’t think that. It’s mine for thinking Sunghoon could actually like me back.”

Jay took a deep breath. “God, as much as it hurts me to say, Y/N, I think he did. Or does, actually.” You furrowed your brows at him. “Sunghoon, he has this thing where he goes into retreat mode as soon as he gets too close, too personal. It’s a stupid defense mechanism, and when he realizes he’s let you in a bit too far, he snaps everything closed and hurts you before you can hurt him. At least, that’s how he sees it, I guess. He’s done it to Jake and me a couple times, and it takes some getting used to, but he stops after a while. When he knows for sure that you won’t hurt him.”

You didn’t know what to do with this information, so you just stayed quiet, which Jay took as a sign to go on.

“I’m not saying forgive him. Believe me, if I could smack him into space and never let him see you again, I would. But I think maybe, just maybe, and you don’t have to if you don’t want to, hear him out.”

You smiled at him. “You’re a good friend, Jay. And I don’t mean just to me but to Sunghoon as well. I hope you know that.”

Jay tried to ignore the pinch in his heart at the word ‘friend’ and smiled back.

“Oh, there’s another thing I needed to show you.” His tone was suddenly much more apprehensive, and he looked both sorry and scared to say whatever he was about to say.

He pulled out his phone and searched the thing in question. Before showing you anything, he warned, “Nobody knows who did this. It was sent out to the whole school on a library computer-”

Expecting the worst, you snatched Jay’s phone from his hands. And there they were. Pictures of you from your primary school years, recent pictures of you in your comfortable clothes, at home or in close proximity to your house. Sent out to the whole school, as Jay had said. You were horror-struck. You could feel all the years you had spent perfecting your image and maintaining it crumbling around you as though they were paper. Charismatic smiles and trendy accessories had been your brick and mortar, but a sledgehammer had hit them, destroying your foundations further with each swing.

And that sledgehammer had a name: Bae Sumin. You’d figured it out in an instant. You’d been friends your whole life, she was the only one apart from your family to know about your true face; only she would have access to such photos. You knew it wasn’t Sunghoon because the pictures he had taken that day weren’t there.

If what had happened with Sunghoon had made a crack in your heart, then this had shattered it into a million pieces. The person who you’d trusted the most, who you’d thought would never do anything to hurt you, had done the worst thing anybody could do to you.

“Y/N- are you okay?” Jay asked tentatively. You had forgotten he was there.

“Um, yeah, yeah- I think I just need to be alone for now, if that’s okay.”

“Are you sure? I don’t mind staying a while.”

“Sorry, Jay, but I’m sure.”

He looked at you for a few seconds. He’d never felt more distance between you two, not even when you had been oceans apart. “Alright. Call me if you need anything. I mean it.”

You smiled a tiny, tiny smile in response and he left your room. On his way out, your mom hugged him, saying it was nice to see him again and that he was welcome anytime, and he thanked her.

As he walked home, he couldn’t help but bitterly laugh to himself. Even when he confessed, he hadn’t been able to say the words he’d wanted to tell you this whole time: I love you.

—

You didn’t go to school for the rest of the week, the only stain on your perfect attendance record. All of your friends had tried to reach you, asking if you were okay, and you replied in a few small messages, telling them you’d be back when you could. Other people had contacted you, asking if those pictures were real. You obsessed over your school’s gossip Instagram account: the past few days, all the posts had been dedicated to your pictures and Sunghoon’s and Jay’s fight. You had ten missed calls from Sunghoon and seventeen from Sumin. You ignored each and everyone of them, only giving Jay, Heeseung, Sieun and Jiung the time of day. 

On Sunday morning you woke up, already dreading going to school the next day. You could already picture the nasty stares and whispers you’d get in the hallways. You thought about facing Sumin and Sunghoon again, and you thought the worst thing possible would be to have to do it at school. So you decided to wait until they called you again, as you knew they would, and finally picked up their call.

Sumin contacted you first, at eleven in the morning. You agreed to have her come over to your house to talk. When she appeared at your front door, you realized you weren’t sad, angry, or disappointed; you were just confused. You didn’t understand why she’d done it. Looking at her face, you couldn’t imagine her sitting down at that computer and sending out those pictures, writing the comment This is what Kim Y/N is like in real life.

You let her in and walked to your room, your siblings’ eyes burning holes into her soul the whole time. You sat down on your bed, sighed, and said, “Go ahead.”

“Thank you for letting me come here and explain myself. I don’t know what took over me, Y/N. Well actually, I guess I do. Jealousy, as stupid as it sounds.” She chuckled at herself. “I’ve always tried to hide it, but I’ve always been a bit jealous of you, Y/N. You’re the prettiest girl, the smartest, the nicest, and I’m just the best friend. That’s all anyone knows me as. Everybody loves you, yet I know it’s all a facade. And I’m not saying that to be mean, because I know you’re an amazing person even without all the glamor. And when I saw you with Sunghoon, I mean, you saw how I was. I didn't fight with my parents. I was so, so jealous. You hadn’t shown interest in any guy since Choi Soobin and all of a sudden you were dating Park freaking Sunghoon, and he knew about your quote-on-quote ‘real’ face, so I couldn’t even comfort myself that he didn’t know who you really were.”

“Wait- why would you be jealous of Sunghoon and me?”

She took a deep breath. “You remember, freshman year, when I confessed to him and he turned me down?”

“Yeah, but I thought that was in the past.”

“Do you also remember that guy I told you about later on, who I’d gotten really close with but completely shut me off when I thought we were about to start dating?”

Something clicked, but you didn’t want to face it. “Yeah…”

“Well, surprise surprise, they were the same person. Ha. I got mad at you for lying to me, but I did the same thing.”

“Sumin… Why did you never tell me?”

“I’m not sure. When we were in that talking stage, I could’ve bragged about it to anyone, you know, that Park Sunghoon was actually being nice to me, but I didn’t. I wanted to keep him my little secret. And then I confessed, and we all know how that ended.” A beat passes as she takes a deep breath, shaking the bad memory away. “I am over it, it was more than three years ago. Maybe there was a nice part of me that thought he had changed, because you seemed happy with him, and I didn’t want to ruin that. But maybe there was another part that hoped he might hurt you like he did me. And that’s such a shitty thing to do, I know. I should’ve told you when I saw you get involved with him. I can’t believe after all these years, he did the exact same thing to you that he did to me. What an asshole.”

You were staring at the wall in front of you, feeling empty. Why did everything have to happen at the same time? You were just drained of any willpower.

“This doesn’t explain the pictures,” you said plainly.

“Right. When you told me you were fake dating, I guess something snapped in me. I couldn’t believe it was another lie, I thought we had gone past the stage where you hid things from me. So that, plus jealousy, I just went a bit crazy, I think. I really wasn’t thinking, Y/N, and I promise you with all my heart that if I could go back and undo everything, I would. I’m so, so, so sorry. I regretted it as soon as I hit post.”

You looked at your friend and knew she was telling the truth. You believed her, and yet you couldn’t quite look past it.

“I know you are, Minie. It’s just… what am I gonna do now at school? Everybody must hate me.”

“I won’t lie, some people haven’t been saying the nicest things, especially Park’s fangirls. But God, Y/N, and please don’t take this the wrong way, but who cares? They’ll talk about it for a week, two at most. Your life at school won’t be the same, but you’ll still have all of us. I’ve talked to Heeseung, Sieun and Jiung, and they’re not the tiniest bit mad at you. They’re just worried to death. A bit confused too, but mostly worried. And you know what? Even Yujin, Wonyoung and Gaeul, who I’ve literally never talked to before, came to ask me how you were. Jay and Sunghoon are barely on talking terms but they always team up when it comes to practically verbally assaulting anyone they overhear talking behind your back. Jake has to hold them back sometimes but he always glares at those people too. You don’t wanna see Jake Sim glare, I promise you. It’s so scary,” she says in a confessional tone, visibly shuddering just at the thought of angel-faced Jake looking angry, and you can’t help the small chuckle that escapes your lips.

Her face softens as she places a warm palm over your hand. “We all love you and care for you so much, so screw literally every single other person in that school. They don’t matter.”

There was something refreshing about Sumin’s words. The idea that you could live your life without worrying about other people had always been in the back of your head, but you always told yourself you were in too deep to go back. Now that you had been forced to, you understood why you felt so empty: the immense weight of having to keep up a persona, had been lifted off your shoulders. You would only have to carry yourself, and not a second person, which made you feel weightless. You’d just have to get used to it and come to enjoy that feeling.

You took your friend’s hands in yours. “I want to forgive you, I promise I do. And I will. I just don’t know if I can do that right away. I’ll need some getting used to this new life.”

“I completely understand, Y/N.”

“But that doesn’t mean I don’t want you around anymore. And you know what, I’m sure one day I’ll look back at this moment and thank you.”

—

Sumin left a few hours later and you were now waiting for Sunghoon to call you. You waited and waited, until your phone rang with a small ding: he wasn’t calling you, but had sent you a message. A very, very long message. You were very tempted to reply with a I ain’t reading all that. I’m happy for u tho. Or sorry that happened, but you thought it might not be the appropriate moment. 

You opened the message, which had come after thirty unread texts, and started reading, slightly appalled by the lack of paragraphing.

Dear Y/N, 

Is this how you start a long text? I would much rather be telling you this than writing it, but someone hasn’t been picking up my calls. Sorry. I probably shouldn’t be giving you much attitude right now. Where do I even start? The ice rink, I guess. Asshole move #1, obviously. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have left you like that. That kiss was really really good and I really really liked it. Because I really really like you. And I think I’ve known that for a while now, but the kiss confirmed it. And I was happy for a second, but then I panicked. There’s no other word for it, I panicked. I’ve never liked someone this much before and I was so scared. I still am. I’m terrified shitless. But I know that my fear is completely irrational, and that you’re literally the best person on Earth, which is why I’m writing this. I know it’s cliché to say my mom left me and now I think everybody will. And my first reaction to that is to hurt someone before they can hurt me, which is what I did. But as much as I wanna fight it, it’s always there at the back of my mind. You can even ask Sumin about it. Should I be saying that? I feel like I might as well. I was an asshole to her, and I’m so angry at myself that I did it again with you. I didn’t mean a single word of what I said about you to Jay. Not a single one. You’re not stupid, you’re the smartest and most amazing girl I know, and I never pretended I liked you, because I never had to. I think I just wanted Jay to punch me, really. I wanted him to run to you and make sure you were okay, because I was too scared to do that myself. But I regret doing that so much. I hope you know that. And bless Jay, he’s a real one. He told me to get my shit together and talk to you. I can tell he’s still mad at me but still wants to make things good between us. I was already trying to call you before he said that, but I probably would’ve said something stupid that would’ve made things worse. And I can’t afford that, Y/N, I really, really can’t. You get me like no one does and being with you is the most liberating thing ever, I’m never myself more than when I’m around you. You just bring out the best in me. Well, except for that thing I did. Which I promise I’ll never do again. I am so extremely sorry, and if you wanna hate me for the rest of your life, I completely get it. But I would also be very happy if you didn’t. I hope I’ll see you tomorrow at school. I really miss you.

Your Hoon

You wiped away the tears that had formed in your eyes and typed back:

You’re such an idiot, Park.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

—

The next day, as you imagined, was mostly hell. You’d decided not to dress up as usual: there was no point trying to look good after this, it would only make you seem more ridiculous. You put less makeup on, not bothering to hide your eye bags, and didn’t bling your outfit up with accessories or fancy shoes, opting for your worn-out Converse you’d had since your feet stopped growing. On the bus, where people usually ignored each other, you could already feel the gossip being told about you. You avoided people’s gaze like the plague and sat down next to Sumin. You laid your head on her shoulder and sighed.

“I already wanna go home.”

She laughed, “I know. We’ll be with you the whole day, so don’t worry.”

You spent the bus ride catching up on what had happened when you were gone (nothing much), and although there was some awkwardness there, it was nice being with your best friend. When Heeseung got on, he practically screamed your name and suffocated you by means of greeting.

“I’m so glad you’re back. You know, I think you look really cute in those pictures. All these people are just jealous they don’t look as good as you even when you don’t dress up.”

Sumin shot daggers with her eyes at him and he cringed, saying, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have mentioned that.”

You reassured him, saying that it was fine since it was all you were going to be hearing the next few days. “Might as well get used to it.”

It was somewhat easy to ignore the stares coming your way when you walked into school with Heeseung and Sumin flanked at your sides like bodyguards. When you reached your classroom, Jiung engulfed you in a hug and Sieun was almost crying. How the hell had you gotten such sweet friends? 

In the hallways, some people tried to get reactions out of you by calling you out, yelling liar! or you can’t fool us anymore. You couldn’t ignore them as they were very much in your face. When at lunch, a table of girls next to you was very clearly talking about you in the nastiest way possible, you took your tray and were ready to get up and leave, but a very familiar voice stopped you in your tracks.

“You think it’s funny talking about someone like that?” Sunghoon was practically screaming at the girls. “You think you’re any better than her? I bet you do the exact same thing but are just glad someone else got called out for it.” You weren’t sure if that made you feel much better, but you appreciated the effort.

“As a matter of fact,” he continued as he pulled out a chair and got up on it, his voice getting louder, “I’ve got something I wanna say to everyone.”

Somebody whooped (probably Jake) and you tried to get Sunghoon to come down from the chair, but he just smiled his radiant smile at you and turned to look at the students in the cafeteria.

“All of you who judge Y/N are hypocrites. You wanna tell me you’re all as perfect at home as you are at school? That you never relax a little bit? Sure, she pushed it a bit far- (hey! you grunted in protest), but nobody shows who they truly are to everyone. We all judge each other in this stupid high school, so Y/N did what she had to do and protected herself. If anything, this should make you respect her even more. And it’s not like she did anything wrong to you. She didn’t use her popularity against anyone, so you better not use this against her.”

From the crowded tables in the cafeteria, somebody yelled “Nobody cares!”

Somebody, whose voice you thought you recognized as Jungwon’s, joined in: “Yeah, what is it about you seniors and thinking the whole school revolves around you? We still like Y/N!”

Sunghoon, taken aback, simply said, “Oh. Alright. Well, you better keep it that way then!” and got off his chair. 

He turned to you, already a pleading look on his face and said “Y/N, I’m so sorry-”

But you cut him off right away. “I know, Sunghoon, I know. I think this proved it.”

“I really wanna make it up to you. So just tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it. Buy you a house, move to another country, you name it. I’ll do it.”

You chuckled at him. “You don’t need to go that far.” You looked down, then back at him. “I think I just want to pretend like nothing happened. Like it was all a huge, awful fever dream. Even if I can’t forgive and forget right away, I don’t think I want you out of my life while I figure it out.”

He let out the biggest sigh you’d ever heard. “My God, you don’t know how happy to hear that, Y/N. Thank you so much.”

“Thank you for defending me just now. That was… definitely something.”

He smiled down at you. "I did my best. Too bad those sophomores ruined everything.”

You could feel eyes burning into your sides, so you turned your head a bit and noticed that your friends and the table of girls that had just been gossiping were staring at you, some of them teary-eyed. When they saw you notice them, they all turned back to each other and pretended that they were having some other conversation. You and Sunghoon chuckled, and you realized how much you had missed him.

Yes, Sunghoon and Sumin had hurt you, but you were a strong believer of second chances. Even if it was hard at first to stop thinking about Sunghoon’s voice when he had said those things or Sumin’s intentions when she posted the pictures, they’d made it up to you in any way they could and you’d reciprocated that by being completely honest. No more trying to look perfect all the time; you were human and were allowed to have low moments. Your grades even dropped by two points, because you’d started spending more time with your friends than with your textbooks. You’d spent whole Saturdays at the ice rink with your now real-boyfriend Sunghoon, and had invited the whole crew. Heeseung was surprisingly good at it. You had even caught your little sister Yeeun on a date with the cute Japanese boy she’d talked about. 

As promised, Jay came once a week or every two weeks to have dinner with your family; Sunghoon always insisted on being present. The tension between them had turned into friendly competition, and you could tell the two friends were glad to have each other back. 

You’d never felt so free. Your relationship with Sunghoon felt like uncharted territory and home at the same time; so daunting and exciting yet so comfortable and relaxing. You kept the PDA at a minimum at school, but when it was just the two of you, your whole body never failed to heat up, even in the cold of the ice rink. He had been nicknamed the ice prince, but he was so, so warm.

In the end, everybody found out. But you had Park Sunghoon by your side, so it was alright.

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[neiptune]

on the outside of the greatest inside joke

cw: 3k wc, female reader, reader goes to therapy, enemies to potential lovers, swearing, pining, you simply can't believe the same tsukki your best friend has told you about ends up being the biggest asshole you've ever met. thank you @tetsuskei for helping me with this one!!!

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Kenma’s pace is slow as he walks next to you, hands buried in the pockets of what is probably a very expensive jacket. He doesn’t seem fazed but you know he’s secretly pleased about the guy who stopped him right after getting off the subway, so pleased you had to gently pull him by the sleeve to remind him that it was getting late. The pout was there: no doubt, he would’ve loved to stay and spend the evening discussing fortnite strategies with a complete stranger who swore he didn’t miss a single one of his streams.

“Why are you coming anyway?”, he shoots you a glance from the corner of his eye, “you could’ve spared yourself this torture”.

“Tetsu insisted. I’m actually curious, I only ever met a few of your high school friends”, you lightly nudge his shoulder with yours. He pulls a face.

“You’d like Shoyo but he couldn’t make it. The amplified version of him will be there, though”.

“The amplified version?”, you chuckle.

“Yeah. You’ll see”.

“Stop pretending to be grumpy, I know you’re happy to see them again”.

His golden eyes find your fond smile and he scoffs. “Tetsu insisted”. 

“Whatever you say, Kenny”.

“Don’t call me that ever again”.

You stick your tongue out and Kenma rolls his eyes, turns his head the other way to hide a small smile. You’re actually happy you managed to form some sort of bond with him, somehow climb over the wall of paralizing shyness that has followed him like a shadow to his current quite popular, very successful days. Tetsu loves him dearly and so do you. Whether he sees you as a friend or as a presence that doesn’t necessarily bug him, isn’t really important. Kenma likes you enough to call to ask if you’d be down to head to the apartment together and gently take the bag containing the bottle of wine you insisted on bringing from your hand. That’s more than enough.

Tetsu’s apartment is in a fancy enough condominium, at walking distance from the Omotosando station. Aoto, the concierge, knows both you and Kenma by now and you bow to each other as soon as you walk through the carriage porch to enter the complex. Sometimes you still can’t believe the little kid with perpetually scraped knees who used to collect his ball from your backyard, toothy grin so big it took over his entire face, now has a house with heated floors and a freaking mist sauna.

A foreign, boisterous laugh echoes through the empty hallway the second you step out of the elevator and Kenma meets your astonished glance with a shrug. “Told you. Amplified”.

The door swings open before you have the chance to knock, your handsome, disheveled friend grinning so hard his dimples are showing. “Finally! Took you long enough!”, Tetsuro pulls you in a hug to tight you groan and a laugh rumbles in his chest at your playful attempts at pushing him back.

“Are you drunk already?”, Kenma gets inside with outstanding nonchalance, skilfully escaping the hand that threatens to ruffle his perfectly styled hair. 

“Of course not, we were waiting for you to get the party started”, you finally manage to escape his ironclad embrace but Kuroo simply refuses to let go and barely gives you the time to kick your shoes off before throwing an arm around your shoulders and quite literally pulling you inside.

There’s a small group of people crammed around the horigotatsu table in the living room. Despite his appetite for fanciness and expensive taste, Tetsu always preserved a sense of tradition that, to this day, brings him comfort. You remember the evenings spent at his grandparents’, all the dinners shared around that very same table.

“Everyone, please pay your respects to my second best friend in the entire world!”, he pushes your head down in a forced bow with a grin and you swat his hand away with a chuckle.

“Oh my god, it’s you! Finally!”, round, golden colored eyes that glimmer with sincere delight are suddenly in your line of vision, along with spiky grey hair and a muscular build that just screams pro-athlete.

“Hello!”, you smile, “I’m—”

“I know! Call me Kotaro!”, he grabs your hand to energetically shake it but you can tell he’s barely containing the urge to suffocate you in a hug. Oh. You chuckle as realization suddenly washes over you. Of course you know who he is, too.

“Hi, Kotaro. You’re the first celebrity I get to meet”.

He dramatically clutches his chest, astonished stare finding a very skeptical Kuroo who is looking at you with a frown.

“A celebrity. Oh, she’s wonderful. Where were you keeping her, Tetsuro? A celebrity. Keiji, did you hear that? She called me a celebrity! Can’t wait to tell Atsumu, he’s gonna hate it”, Bokuto grins so wide you can’t help but mirror his genuine joy, “come sit! Move over Tsukki, she’s sitting next to me”, he locks his arm with yours and you slip out of your best friend’s hold with ease and a giggle. That is until Kotaro frees your sightline and you freeze on the spot as soon as your eyes find those of the last person you’d expect to find there, casually snacking on a bowl of senbei. His hand stills mid air when your gaze meets his stoic one.

“What the hell”, he mutters, voice every bit as annoying as you recall. Somewhere on your forehead, a vein throbs.

“What the hell indeed”, you turn to look at Kuroo with an outraged grimace distorting your features, “you know him? As in he’s your friend?”.

“Who, Tsukki?”, Tetsuro cocks his head, “yeah, of course? I’m sure I mentioned him more than once”.

“That one’s Tsukki? The fun, talented, kind kohai from high school?!”, it’s clear that skepticism is oozing from every syllabe and Kuroo is taken aback, mouth opening and closing like a koi fish. 

“I was never his kohai”, the absolutely indifferent pitch makes your blood boil.

“I wasn’t asking you”.

“Hmm”, the hint of a smile teases his lips, “you’re being kinda rude. Again”.

“Okay, I’m honestly lost here”, Kuroo clears his throat but Bokuto lets out an amused laugh at complete odds with your suddenly sour mood.

“Let’s sit, so you can tell us all about the fascinating sparks that are flying here”, the wink he offers is met with a grimace.

“There are no sparks—”

“You haven’t met Keiji yet! Here, give me your coat, Tetsuro will take care of it”, you’re quite literally dragged to the table and then down on the floor, before you can protest or beg Kenma to sit next to you. For some foreign reason, Bokuto has you uncomfortably squeezing between him and the last person you’d want to sit next to who, for the record, is doing absolutely nothing to make room for you. Which, unfortunately, means that your leg is flush against his and your arm is dangerously close to be grazing the sleeve of his black shirt.

“This is Akaashi”, Kenma, sitting across from you, politely comes to the rescue and nods toward the one stranger you haven’t been introduced to yet.

“I’m sorry”, you duck your head with an apologetic smile, “nice to meet you. I promise I’m usually pleasant to be around”.

The little smile he tosses back supports you immensely in the grim task of ignoring the snort that comes from your left. “You wouldn’t be able to endure Tetsuro if you weren’t”.

“Yes, yes, that’s enough small talk”, Kuroo, hands free from your coat, arms occupied with more snacks and the wine you brought, flops down next to Kenma and narrows his eyes, “tell the story”.

“What story?”.

Tsukishima sighs, patience already running thin. “He’s asking about us. Not really the sharpest tool in the shed, are you?”.

“I see, so you’re just as much of a pain in the ass in your everyday life too. As expected”, you don’t even look at him as you accept the bowl of chips a frowning Tetsuro is offering. If Bokuto’s eyebrows could shoot higher, they’d be hanging on the ceiling by now.

“What happened?”, Kuroo is one snarky comeback away from imploding.

“She’s the reason why I couldn’t get my coffee this morning”, Tsukishima’s bored inflection is what prompts you to finally look at him. For a second, just a split second, you’re startled. By what, exactly? You’re not sure. He’s drinking from a can of beer so the pink on his cheeks was to be expected. What wasn’t expected is the speed at which his eyes dart to you in turn. Those glasses do an awful job at hiding just how big and brown they are. Are those golden specks? You’d have to get closer to find out but that would mean breathing in more of that masculine, woody cologne. Suddenly, you’re all too aware of how hot and sturdy his thigh feels against yours.

“Well, that’s an awfully long pause”, Bokuto snickers from your right and you flinch, pulling back so abruptly your back hits his chest.

Tsukishima offers another one of his enigmatic smirks.

“He’s the reason we’ve been kicked out of the coffee shop”, you grumble. The skin of your face feels on fire when you meet Kenma’s skeptical stare. You know him well enough to grasp that he’s clearly assuming something entirely different than what’s to assume.

“And that’s happened how?”, Akaashi’s gentle voice serves as an anchor you find yourself grabbing onto for dear life.

“I’ll tell you exactly how that happened”.

The place is busy and it’s your first time trying it out. The advice came directly from your therapist: trying something new opens up the possibility to find joy in something new. And that’s precisely why you’ve been staring at the list of hot beverages, cold beverages, drinks, cocktails, mocktails, teas, iced teas and desserts hung right behind the cashier.

“Have you decided?”, the woman is smiling but you can tell her eye is one second away from starting to twitch.

“Uh, not yet? I’m sorry, just a second”, your eyes keep frantically scanning the options over and over again but it’s like your brain is failing to register them, palms sweaty, self-awareness gnawing at your alarmed mind.

“Can you hurry up? Some of us can’t spend the day waiting in line”, the sharp, annoyed voice makes you jump and you turn around to apologize, tears practically teasing the corners of your eyes already, but you find a young man looking back at you with such an infuriating scowl that the apology dies on your tongue.

“Menu is the other way”, he points an annoyingly long finger toward the wall behind you, “just get a cinnamon vanilla latte with soy milk and caramel drizzle or something and let’s get going”.

The condescending, bordering mocking suggestion is what infuriates you the most and suddenly all the humiliation you were feeling leaves room for nothing but rage.

“Why don’t you learn how not to act like a primitive asshole?”.

“You have ten people who’ve been waiting for you to make up your mind for the past hour and I’m the asshole?”.

“I would be done by now if you hadn’t rudely interrupted me!”.

“Hey…”, the cashier attempts to chime in but your anxiety and frustration are getting the better of you and this stranger is just being so unnecessarily mean.

“And, for the record, that is so not my usual order!”.

His eyebrows furrow and a tiny crease appears between them, right above the bridge of his infuriatingly petite nose.

“I’m sorry if I came off the wrong way”, he balances the words carefully, with a seemingly sweet inflection “truth is, I couldn’t care less about your usual order. Just order anything before we all grow collectively old here”.

You let out a scoff with an incredulous smile. “You really are the biggest prick I’ve ever met”.

“I’m sorry, I’m gonna have to ask you both to leave”, the cashier interrupts the ridiculous quarrel and the humiliation is back in all its glory, the annoyed stares of all those standing in line suddenly burning through your body.

“I hope you’re not insinuating that any of this is even remotely my fault”, the stranger is visibly experiencing utter disbelief but really, you’re done. A quick bow to the cashier and a barely uttered apology to the strangers still waiting for their turn is all you manage to put together before heading out. Oh, the entire thing is going to become such a fun conversation to have with your therapist.

“Hope you’re happy, I only arrived in Tokyo half an hour ago and I’m already out of the best coffee in Ueno”, the voice, the literal stuff nightmares are made of, follows you outside and once again you are denied a very much needed crying sesh. Jesus, fuck this guy. Seriously, fuck him. So what if you took a little too long? Hasn’t he ever heard of distress? Fatigue? Just how familiar is he with the human emotional spectrum exactly?

“You may as well choke on your next coffee for all I care”, you direct him a saccharine smile and the way his jaw tenses can finally count as a small win.

“How civilized of you”.

“Hope you have a horrible day!”, you wave and turn around to march back to your neighborhood, to your favorite cafe, to the coffee order that hasn’t let you down once in the past ten years. Phone in hand, you’re already calling Tetsuro to tell him all about your horrible, horrible morning. Only to curse under your breath when, against all odds (because who the hell could he even be talking to this early?), you’re met with a busy tone.

“Wait, she’s the crazy coffee shop girl you were telling me about?”, Kuroo stares at his friend in complete shock and Tsukishima’s lips twitch.

“Obviously”.

Bokuto lets out a low whistle. “Wow. What a heated first encounter”.

“I feel like I couldn’t properly convey just how presumptuous he was”, you hope you have found an accomplice at least in Akaashi, who seems the only genuinely sane person in the room and yes, that’s including you firsthand.

“There’s no need, we’ve known him since high school”, he succeeds in drawing a smile and you’re grateful. You wish you were sitting next to him instead of the annoyingly-tall-even-when-seated dude who scoffs once more.

“I feel so welcome, thank god I accepted to take part in this reunion”, Tsukishima finishes his beer with a single, long sip.

“Of course you’re welcome, Kei!”, Bokuto leans over from behind your back to squeeze his friend’s shoulder, “you just need to hone your social skills some more!”.

“She gets nervous”, Kenma’s calm voice cuts through the conversation and, as it usually happens, all eyes turn to him in quiet surprise, “in unfamiliar situations, when she’s doing something different. She gets nervous”, he doesn’t look at you, he isn’t looking at anyone really. The dorayaki tray seems to be the only one deserving his undivided attention.

There’s a pause. Tetsuro’s stare softens when he locks eyes with you.

“Yeah, that’s true. Insecurity can be easily played off as aggressiveness, did you know?”, his signature smirk is back when his eyes shift to Tsukishima. The leg still pressing against yours gets suddenly stiff.

“Enough talking about me”, your chuckle sounds forced and Kenma looks up from the tray “I want to know all about high school and volleyball”, you avoid his gaze and refuse to meet Tetsuro’s, the giant smile tense at the corners directed at Bokuto and Akaashi only.

They indulge you. In fact, they all do, and soon enough your little dispute is forgotten and the atmosphere gets less tense. You decide to be the bigger person and, instead of pretending Tsukishima isn’t even there, you politely look at him when he talks and laugh if any playful banter rises between him and Kuroo. You don’t notice that Tsukki looks and listens too, when you’re deep in conversation with someone else or reply to Bokuto’s dumb never have I ever statements. He finds it odd that you two end up drinking almost the same amount, a list of seemingly stupid shared experiences that grows longer the more the game continues around the circle.

Tsukishima Kei doesn’t feel guilty, he’s just good at admitting to himself when he’s wrong. Not that anyone else needs to know, of course. The habit of being too quick to judge others has followed him ever since high school and it annoys him that, as an adult, he still doesn’t know better. Does he want to make this right because he’s not sure he’ll have the chance to do so again? Is the beer clouding his mind, making his body move on autopilot when he gets up shortly after you disappear into Kuroo’s kitchen? Either way, he’s there when you turn around with a tray of fresh mini sandwiches and you’re not immediately bolting by him and he thinks this would be a wonderful time for his big brain to put a few judicious words together.

But then you awkwardly shift your weight from one foot to the other and clear your throat. “I’m sorry about this morning. And for insinuating that you’re a caveman”, you shrink in yourself a little, head hanging lower.

“And for hoping I choke on my next coffee?”.

You snort out what almost sounds like a laugh. “Yeah, definitely. That was mean. But, honestly, you—”

“I was an asshole”, he calmly interrupts, the actual apology clawing at his throat to come out to no avail, “happens a lot, or so I’m told”.

When you finally look up from what you’re holding in your hands and your lips curl into a smile so sincere, Tsukishima almost smiles back. What the hell.

“Let’s chalk it up to us both having a bad morning. Deal?”.

He stares for a second too long, then gently offers “deal” and you leave the kitchen with a friendly nod, fully missing out on the opportunity to catch an amused twitch of the lips, honeyed gaze turning inexplicably soft.

[nipuni]

Some various lighthearted life updates 🏃‍♀️

It's been a very busy last few months! in a good way mostly. We had a friend visiting us from overseas so we showed him around the city and took him to all our favourite places. We also met new people and were invited to a bunch of events so it's been very fun! We are all out of social battery tho so now we are slowing down a bit and getting back to work. Nicolas is on a short work trip to Berlin and I'm back to painting. We also started running! aaand we are also back to watching a bunch of shows and to me talking about it here to like five people 😌

Under the cut cause it's a lot as usual!

We finished watching S13 of Doctor Who! (we still have the specials to go but after that we are all caught up!) I haven't updated in ages so here are lot of opinions!

We really did not enjoy S11 😞 I was aware it wasn't very popular but we were hoping it was for all the wrong reasons, sadly we found many to be valid. Some of the episodes were baffling, Rosa? Kerblam?! the writing of the whole season in general felt like a rushed school assignment. The first part of Spyfall was a strong start for the next season but that ending in the second part was really not it. We did love Sacha Dhawan's Master tho!! and we really love Jodie too, 13th is adorable and reminded us of Ten at times! Jodie is such a fantastic actress that it makes the quality of the writing and everything else around her even more frustrating 😫 S12 was an improvement in general. In the last few episodes It felt like the writing team suddenly remembered the companions could have a personality and agency lmao. Highlights for us were Spyfall one, Fugitive of the Judoon and Haunting of villa Diodati, tho we did also enjoy most other episodes of the season despite their issues.

The timeless child plot reveal felt a bit underwhelming? The idea on itself has potential but it felt mishandled (and it had a bit of a Moffat flavour to it? and not in a good way). I think it was meant to add more depth to the Doctor's lore but in a way it ends up having the opposite effect. Then the flux was just a complete mess. It read like a Marvel sort of plot, very comic book like which is alright I suppose if that is something you enjoy but it felt out of place. But mostly it was just way too much, it got out of hand. Anyway we still have the specials to watch! and I think the Master is in them so we are looking forward to it 🥰

We also watched Broadchurch!! and we LOVED it. We ended up binging all three seasons. Chibnall's writing on this is surprisingly great and Jodie's acting is spectacular she really shines here. Olivia and David are always brilliant!! honestly everyone's acting was amazing. This series had us both tearing up every five scenes. The direction and the music are outstanding. I could watch Hardy and Miller solve crimes forever I really love their chemistry and dynamic. We went into it expecting the usual detective fiction but it ended up being a whole study on grief with such a focus on family and community and trauma and a ton of touching interconnected character arcs, just really really good!!

Then we also watched Taking over the Asylum!! MAN we were not expecting to have our hearts wrung out like laundry by this!! We thought it was a lighthearted show!! GOD we are still not over it, what the fuck!! It was so good we loved it!! but we were not prepared lmao what do you mean 'the end'?? we'll be thinking of this for months, I was expecting an extra scene after the credits or something. Excellent characters, refreshing depictions of mental illness and trauma and so crushingly realistic. Every character is so loveable I really wish this was longer 😭

And our quest to watch everything with David Tennant on it continues. We watched Decoy Bride on Valentines day too and it was terrible but such a hilarious fever dream kind of bad that it was fun, it has David on it and he never disappoints. I feel so lucky that Nicolas and I are both in love with him, get yourself a man who shares your celebrity crushes lmao it's so fun!! We feel like teens again chatting about him and drawing little hearts next to his pictures haha 🥰 We watched the BAFTAs just for him and speaking of the baftas!! I was not expecting that last drawing of his outfits to get that much attention oh my god 😭 thank you!! you are all insane and I appreciate it so much!! and thank you for all the support in general, about my art and photos and just everything. I feel very lucky and grateful 😭 anyway I'll end this before I get sappy, that is all for now! I hope this week is kind to you all, I'll be sharing some more art soon 😊

[thankshermin]

About the Scene Where Dazai Tells Akutagawa “You got stronger“

...and some rambling about their relationship, featuring a few lines about Kyouka and Mori at some point.

I think about that scene a lot and the fact that it is not talked about is really bugging me off so I need to get some things out of my chest,, let’s gooo 

CW: mentions of abuse

First of all, it is not equal to an apology. It simply is not. There is a high chance that Dazai probably didn’t even say it as an apology. He merely stated the fact that Akutagawa got stronger. What is more important about this scene is not what he said but rather how he said it.  

Dazai has changed and he is still changing for the better. The way he looks at Akutagawa and praises him in that soft tone is not how would Dazai express his thoughts to Akutagawa in the mafia.  

Now, for another matter about this scene; those words obviously meant a lot to Akutagawa but it doesn’t have to mean much, if anything, to him. 

Dazai doesn’t apologize to him. He doesn’t mention anything about his treatment to Akutagawa and doesn’t acknowledge it. We don’t know for sure if he truly doesn’t regret it or if he does feel ashamed about it and decides against saying something.

Why was Dazai even that awful to Akutagawa, anyway?

Well, obviously not because he takes sadistic pleasure from hurting Akutagawa. He believed that if he didn't, Akutagawa couldn't survive in the mafia. Akutagawa turned out to be the mafias one of the strongest attackers, due to this. Was it necessary? Of course not. He was very abusive towards Akutagawa. Is it an explanation? Yes, it is. That is what Dazai thought he was supposed to do, and since he didn't have any direct subordinates he mentored; we can't really compare but there is this conversation he had with Odasaku;

“Ah, Akutagawa is a sword without a scabbard.” Dazai smiles slightly. “It won’t be long before he becomes the mafia’s most powerful ability user. However, someone needs to teach him how to keep his blade.” I am startled. I have never heard Dazai praise his subordinates so unreservedly. “Is he really that outstanding?” “When I first saw him in the slums, I shuddered. His talent is far above that of others. His ability is extremely destructive, and he is fairly stubborn himself. If left ignored, he would be at the mercy of his ability. It wouldn’t be long until he self-destructs.” Dazai has never taken the initiative to take in a subordinate, much less a starving youth in the slums. But Dazai seems to have his own plans.

This makes me sad because Dazai never disliked Akutagawa or thought he was weak. He always thought Akutagawa would be strong. But the thing is, Akutagawa doesn't know that. Dazai never made it clear to him. Kind of a shame he was a shitty teacher most of the time. Makes me wonder why Mori never said anything about it to Dazai. I am curious about lots of things about Mori and Dazai's relationship, to be honest. Dazai was always messed up but Mori messed him to a further point, whether he meant it or not. Dazai was also really mentally unstable when he was still in the mafia and couldn't bother trying to be gentle. Dazai is still not healed but he is doing a lot better in the ADA.

Back to Dazai never saying anything about it, that behavior itself is very weak on Dazai’s end. He desperately tries to change but there are just some things that he still can not work on. One of them is this. He has unfinished businesses with many people and one of them is Akutagawa. Maybe he can’t bring himself to show that vulnerability towards him, maybe he truly doesn’t think what he did was something he should be apologizing for, maybe he thinks apologizing could make it worse instead of fixing it, etc. etc. I can still count.

But there is one thing and it’s that Dazai doesn’t go out of his comfort zone in his relationships. I am not saying that he would return back to his old tendencies in time since that goes against all of his character trying to find his place in a better world but I’m just saying that Dazai probably finds it more convenient to treat Akutagawa the way he always did and even that little “you’ve gotten stronger” was a milestone for him. 

Akutagawa really had the right to say fuck off to Dazai and his half-assed apology, he really did, but I believe that scene was as equally important on Dazai's end as it is on Akutagawa's side. It means something. It isn't supposed to fly over the viewers' heads.

Progress isn't linear and Dazai shows it in a very slow way. A lot of things get in his way. He sometimes struggles, but that's what makes it realistic. you know what they say; one step forward, two steps back.

What the larger part of the fandom refuses to understand is that Dazai is not on the polar end of something. He is very mixed in that part. He is not a pure angel and probably would be one of the worst people you could have ever met if he were a real person. But he is not the devil's respawn on Earth either. Most of y'all forget that he was a lost child who got guided by the worst possible person ever. (I really like Mori's character too but that's a different topic, he is still a terrible person) If he is trying to change and do better, I'm always going to be rooting for him.

There is this saying, you can't teach an old dog new tricks and I really want Dazai to prove this wrong. His words to Akutagawa were not his destination on this journey, it was more like a milestone.

Akutagawa is also showing development too and that is mostly thanks to Atsushi. I kind of doubt this but maybe Akutagawa understands the meaning of Dazai's words since he was also giving Kyouka a half-assed apology type of thing. Their situations are so similar that I don't need to say much about it.

Akutagawa has grown so much and he probably will continue to do that, but it doesn't erase his trauma, not really. Dazai really messed Akutagawa up. Even though it doesn't count as an apology, this shows that Akutagawa has come to terms with Dazai's abuse and his own treatment of Kyouka and he deserves a kudos for that. acknowledging that your mentor messed you up and also acknowledging that you traumatized someone takes an effort.

Akutagawa may have learned most of the cruel things he did from Dazai, but he has grown enough to realize that he is actually his own person.

Ending;

I like most bsd characters because of how real and how grey they are and the abuse circle/web is really well-written. I really do want to explore it better some other time. As I said, not everyone has the guts to come up to terms with the fact that they were abused, let alone that they were shitty to other people. Akutagawa and Dazai are really different characters on their own but their relationship shows that they truly are influenced by an upper power and even though they both individually have a long way to go, this scene of Dazai telling Akutagawa he got stronger does mean a lot than an interaction between them that lasted two seconds.

[legobiwan]

It's 2024 and I've decided to make a Gravity Falls fic rec list. Because I do what I want, even if I'm showing up to the fandom a decade or so late. All fics are Gen unless otherwise noted, warnings can be found at the end of each description.

Birthday Dinner by Fordtato

A post-series short story featuring our two favorite old men out at sea, this work is wildly in-character in terms of their bickering and sometimes-competitive-to-the-point-of-self-sabatoge sibling relationship, but in the best and most hilarious of ways. Warnings for lighthearted discussion of cannibalism.

i know exactly where my blood is by strawberrybiscuit

There are a number of works that delve into Stan's possible suicidal ideation tendencies, both in his drifter years and post-Portal Incident. I find this to be a wholly conceivable notion, given both the absolute shit hand he was dealt in life and the hints we are given throughout the series that his self-esteem was pretty much in the gutter. Of the stories that explore this theme, I find this one to be one of the most grounded - Stan's borderline dissociation/gallows humor is very in-character, as is Ford's genuine horror when he learns the truth of the situation, which is rightfully emotional without delving into melodrama or transforming into a Saturday afternoon special. Warnings for intense talk of self-harm and suicide.

By Any Other Name by Zeragii 

I, like many of us, am fascinated by the tantalizing tidbits we've been fed as to Stan's decade or so existence as a drifter. We know he's failed at somewhat more legitimate attempts at entrepreneurship (the dodginess of the actual products notwithstanding), we know he was living out of his car for a large majority of those years, we know he's been to prison three times in various countries, and we know something happened in Colombia. All this is to say, Stan's probably made a lot of enemies, and that his map of "States I'm Banned In" is more likely a summary of places in which he has outstanding warrants and/or a price on his head.

What happens when that past catches up to you?

While this isn't an uncommon theme in Gravity Falls fics, what I love about this story is the complexity of the interactions between Stan and Ford here, given this is a post-series fic. Yes, they've mended their relationship, but old patterns die hard. Neither twin ends up as the "damsel in distress" (a worrying recurrence in many GF fics), despite the fact they are thrown into multiple dangerous situations and the OCs/Pines family extension are well-crafted and three-dimensional.

The People That We Always Hoped We Would Be by SharoScylla

A Christmas Carol, but make it Gravity Falls. The section of this story that really sold me was Stan's climatic scene in a bedbug-ridden, hovel of a motel room in New Mexico. Guest appearance made by the infamous Jimmy Snakes, who I learned recently was going to be a real character (and essentially this universe's answer to Ghost Rider) until that whole bit about Stan's past biker life was cut (regrettable). Embracing both the humor and darkness present in the original show, this story sees a Research Era!Ford come face-to-face with his own proverbial demons (real demons not included) as he is visited by a familiar cast of future past. Warnings for suicide attempt.

O Brother by Obsessive_Reader

In progress. A timestuck AU with the Mystery Twins 1.0 being catapulted into the 1980s, a young Ford landing with an increasingly desperate adult Stanley as young Stan tries to navigate the thorny, icy adult his brother Stanford has become. Probably one of the most realistic timestuck AUs out there, as fences are not mended immediately between the adult twins nor with their children counterparts. Also, Fiddleford finally has a chance to shine!

Orpheus Descending by Sir_Thopas

Unfinished. Which is a damn, damn shame, as this is probably one of my favorite Gravity Falls fics of all time. Read it anyway. Yes, you'll swear vociferously at where it leaves off. ResearchEra!Ford goes to incredible lengths to bring his brother back from the dead as Stan's demise is not exactly what it seems. What exactly happens with Stan is incredibly realistic, given his circumstances, and the local color written in by this Georgian native just adds to the Gothic feel of the whole tale. To what lengths would you go to bring your family back? At what point do you cross the point of no return in order to survive? Warnings for graphic description of a decayed corpse and prostitution scene.

Journal #4 by Percival_T_Honeybee

To be honest, this story stops being a Gravity Falls fic a couple of chapters in, instead featuring characters we know and love in increasingly out-of-universe (in all ways imaginable) situations. This doesn't matter, though, as the world- and character-building of this swashbuckling, sci-fi epic are superb and will have you on the edge of your seat until the final chapter. When both Stan and Ford go through the portal, their futures become something they never could have imagined.

Turning by BrandyFromTheBottle

I've mulled over this conceit on more than occasion and truly think it's something that begs further exploration. What if Stanley Pines pulled a Saul Goodman and, after the world was saved, turned himself in, willingly going to trial, and eventually, prison as self-inflicted recompense for his past deeds?

And now for something different...

Entanglement by Haley3

Ford/Bill (to be clear, Triangle Bill. Accept no substitutions). I realize Billford is not everyone's cup of tea and I rarely, rarely post shipping stuff, but in full transparency, I find their relationship fascinating and the idea of their having interactions that may have seeped over the boundary of purely (well, not pure. Ford built a damned shrine and became a one-man cult while Bill was manipulating him the entire time) platonic is not out of the question. In other words, I'm not wholly immune to Billford, but I am rather picky about how they are portrayed.

This fic checks all my boxes. Bill remains a triangle throughout. Bill is unredeemable. Ford and Bill have a relationship whose complexity would rival the equations of the dimensional physics they debate. And, of course, Ford is lying to himself and those around him, deeply, deeply in denial as to the nature and profundity of his emotions towards his tormentor. Warnings for explicit sexual scenes, manipulation, emotional abuse. I mean, it's Bill, we all know what that means.

[skylark325]

Omniscient Readers View Point Read Through

Ch 53-73

Beginning: Ch 1-10

They knew the prophets would gather here and decided to use this opportunity to wipe out those who stopped reading early.

>thats… dark

[The constellation 'Abyssal Black Flame Dragon' is looking at the black flame dragon.]

>…dude stop looking at his black flame dragon

"I really thought you were dead!" "But I survived."

> sigh

"In some cases, people need to be killed…" "Don't worry. I'll kill them for you."

>i need a Heewon in my life 😭

The head rolling like a toy was covered with a cloak with '1' on it. It was the 1st Apostle.

>HSY MY LOVE

You have to hold hands with me to defeat Anna Croft and the Zarathustra!"

'I am different! Yoo Joonghyuk, hold hands with me.

>hsy REALLY wants to hold yjh’s hand huh

"He was a mouthy bastard."

>GASP Joonghyuk LANGUAGE

This jerk, he must think he was so cool. …Honestly, he was a bit cool.

>Dokja you fucking simp he just squashed a head like it was grape

"Then try it. Is your sword faster or my tongue faster?"

>kinky

"Writing is so difficult… writers are great…"

>couldn’t agree more

>the way the story distinguishes between characters and ‘real’ people is so interesting. And kind of tragic when you’re the only one who will likely stay aware until the end

The quality was so bad that if it was serialized in Textpia, it would've bombed. But that didn't matter right now.

>lmao this is why y’all need ao3

–I see. I feel an unknown wall with hyung. I can't explain it well but I like the feeling.

>like…the fourth wall or a tsundere wall?

He says that any beautiful or handsome man and woman will become concubines, while any ugly people will be killed or become slaves."

Jung Heewon frowned. "If Dokja-ssi is caught, you will become a slave."

>Lmao i adore their friendship

The character and I needed to be thinking about each other at the same time.

>does that mean yjh was thinking about kdj back when kdj was using the skill to be in his body?

…that sounds wrong

anyways

"Yoo Sangah-ssi. You will be disruptive if you keep acting like this."

>Oof why did that hurt me

>ok see this is what i meant in my post about kdj’s difference when describing the other characters and when describing yjh. he’s literally talking the king of beauty that leaves everyone spellbound and the best he could manage was ‘outstanding beauty but not his type’ and ‘objectively as beautiful as Sangah’? dokja you gay ass

However, the future that Lee Sungkook knew was only near the prologue. The evolution of the current scenario surpassed the information he knew.

>how long was that prologue for this guy to have his memories till CHAPTER 62?

[The character 'Min Jiwon' shows a weak liking towards you.]

…All my thoughts collapsed at this absurd message.

>honestly relatable

[…There is a lingering attachment, please understand.]

"Gyebaek, let's meet in the next world."

>what is this old man yaoi.

"…Won't it happen one day? If I give birth to a child, I will surely tell them what happened today."

>is…is dokja embracing the mpreg

What was this? I looked up and found that my limbs were tied up with magic power. It was a chrysalis-like appearance. Yoo Sangah's face was completely red.

> …right. Not gonna ask what’s currently going through Sangah’s head.

Everyone is the book is either kinky or gay like damn

[The character 'Cha Sangkyung' has discovered that you are a demonic enemy that shouldn't be touched.]

>Damn the foreshadowing

"Oh, I haven't introduced myself yet. I am Han Sooyoung. I am Cha Sangkyung's assistant."

>MY GIRL BOSS IS HERE

"There is someone. Someone is killing the kings!"

>my little murderous bean i missed you

A furious voice rang through the battlefield.

"Kim Dokja…"

I smiled and waved towards him. A large black flag flew behind the person heading towards me.

"You came…"

>adorable

"…Kim Dokja!"

Yoo Joonghyuk was chasing after me at a scary speed.

>YJH: i just had such a cool entry, PAY ATTENTION TO ME

> yjh really loves saying kdj’s name huh going KIM DOKJA! every three sentences

>god the little sister is just as grumpy as her brother

It was because there wasn't any king in Seoul who had more coins than me right now.

>kdj: you may be op but you forgot the power of INVESTMENT MUHAHAHAHA

The flying Yoo Joonghyuk hit a barrier, bounced in the opposite direction and hit another barrier and landed on the ground after repeating this ping-pong action five or six times.

>I…dokja what the fuck 💀

———

Next- Ch 73-92

Prev: Ch 32-52

Beginning: Ch 1-10

[eponastory]

ZUTARA...

Okay, so my thoughts...

Look, I'm an OG fan. I was a teenager when the animated show came out and boy oh boy...

Okay, so yes, I am a Zutara shipper. I have been since the show aired, and the way the show ended with Aang and Katara left an icky taste in my mouth. I'm not anti Kataang either. It just gives me... eew. Especially now that I'm an adult and I know relationships are messy to begin with. I don't agree that the show creators think that Zutara would be toxic... that is not necessarily true as Zuko's character doesn't support such a thing and neither does Katara's. Aang is still a child mentally and he doesn't seem to understand that people are going to do what they are going to do. Case and point, The Southern Raiders. Aang confronts Katara telling her that she should let it go and forgive Yon Rah... the only problem with this is that Katara needs to deal with her own closer. Forgiveness does not mean closure. Take it from me, a person who has difficulty letting go of hurts from the past. Some things I can forgive, while other things I can't because they are still a problem for me today, which is why I'm in therapy. It is not up to Aang to decide what Katara needs to do in that moment. If anything, he is showing his complete misunderstanding of her resolve. She is angry, hurt, and compulsive. She is feeling these things because her past has been thrown in her face by Zuko's presence. Because he is there, all that hurt is like a thousand daggers in her back. Zuko is letting her do. He is letting her feel, and for those who say he is encouraging her to murder someone, that isn't what is going on. He is basically letting her do what she needs to do. When someone is feeling that way, you wither let them feel it and support them or you get out of the way. People are going to do what they want. It's a hard lesson to learn.

Aang has his world view of peace and compassion, which is not a bad thing, but he lacks understanding. Probably because he is still a child and still learning the ways of people. People are cruel and sometimes unforgiving, but we can also be kind, loving, and filled with hope. Aang sees the good in everyone, except Ozai, which I'm pretty sure the only thing good about Ozai is the fact that Mark Hamil is behind his voice. But anyway, I like Aang. He's a good character that transforms everyone he interacts with. That is the best quality about him. The absolute worst of his qualities is that he tends to push his beliefs into the open without taking a moment to think about how others feel. And that isn't even that bad. It's a disregard of those emotions that leave a little bit of bitterness in my mouth. But that is something everyone struggles with at one point. That is just being human.

But yeah, this is just my humble opinion. Relationships are messy and they need work. They arent always going to be perfect, which is why neither ship is going to be better than the other. Does Aang and Katara have a happy marriage? Well, I can't say that they do because there isn't much to go on other than they have children. I'd like to think they have their ups and downs like most relationships do.

Would Zuko and Katara have a good relationship? Going off of their character I'd say they would balance each other out. It won't be toxic because they do fine when they are together in the show. They work well as a team and have each other's backs. So yeah, that is there in the show.

I'd also like to point out that Zuko and Mai don't tick the boxes for outstanding relationship. Those two have been on and off and I honestly don't think they will get back together. Kinda reminds me of the guy I was on and off with for five years... now that was toxic.

But yeah. I've done the shipping thing for so long it doesn't matter if it's Canon or not. Like I seriously shipped Sesshomaru and Kagome for years even though I knew she and Inuyasha were going to be together. Didn't care too much for Sess/Rin because again... eew. You ship who you want and what you feel makes sense. Does this mean people have to berate others about it? No. There should never be any condescension or degrading because we are all fans.

But for real... I think Azula and Sokka should get together. And I'm not on the Taang ship either.

Fight me... I dare you.

[maxipad032]

Can I please request a fic smut where dom!shuri and reader been dating for a while and the reader is very much a sub so she’s usually very vanilla when it comes to pleasing shuri but one day maybe on their anniversary she decides to go full Dom on Shuri and surprises her she’s all about pleasing her and even uses a strap on shuri in every position and just leaves shuri shocked and speechless afterwards. Sorry if it’s a lot I’m just so tired of the reader alway being a pillow princess in the shuri fics, our bae needs love and attention too❤️❤️😘😘😘

yes just yes, this is what we all need THANK YOUUUU💕

i'm the one in charge tonight (18+)

synopsis: it's you and shuri's second year anniversary in less than 24 hours, and you've completely accepted the fact you're totally a sub during sex while she's mainly the dominate one, but you want a change, you want to show her what you're capable of and what she's been missing out on.

contains: dom! reader x sub!shuri, shuri x black reader, smutty, filth, dirty talk, some fluff, cunnilingus, fingering, strap-on, riding, vibranium!strap, just super unholy content fr.

usana- baby, ivakala imnandi kakhulu- it feels so good

a/n- i fell asleep whilst proofreading this, so don’t mind if there are any mistakes :) enjoy the read sinners x

grab your popcorn, it’s a long one 🙀

"shit, was that good?" shuri asked in a breathless manner, chasing her breath that had been taken away by your vehement scissoring session. you were pinned under her, one leg hoist up on her shoulder whilst the other was settled by her hip.

"yes, so good." you exhaled, chest rising and lowering quickly as your body tried its hardest to overcome the intense orgasm it'd just experienced. shuri laughed quietly at how fucked out you looked and leaned down to give you a kiss. sensing her soft lips on yours, you lifted up your arms to put your palms on either side of shuri’s head and kissed back, fully satisfied with your swift but explosive quickie. shuri broke away from the kiss, gently pecking your forehead as she let your leg down slowly from her shoulder and pulled her soaked heat way from yours. your leg dropped back down on the bed with a faint thud, and you turned around to the side, closing your eyes briefly.

you and shuri had been dating for quite a while now and you’re second anniversary was coming up, tomorrow in fact. you two weren’t the most conventional couple around; you came from a poorer background and your parents were farmers that helped the royal family grow fresh produce. shuri had seen you around one day and found you’re visuals so outstanding, she made conversation with you. since that day, you’d both just fell more and more in love with each other every day physically and emotionally, so you just made it official. she was your ride or die and literally saved you and your family from a life of poverty and enslavement; you couldn’t thank her enough everyday.

on the other hand, sex with shuri was always the same, it was very vanilla and passionate which you loved but it was quite predictable, she touched you, you came; she was never really keen on the idea of you touching her or being in total control and you thoroughly accpeted it as bottoming was more up your ally anyway.

however lately, you’d been craving a change, you needed something to spice up your sex life with shuri and what better way to do that than finally show her your skills. i mean sure, you’d never really topped anyone before as she barely let you, but how hard could it really be. shuri did it to you all the time and you’d picked up on her little tricks, from her pressing down onto your stomach to make you squirt, to her curling her fingers correctly to reach the spot that drove you crazy. little did she know, your pillow princess days were coming to an end and tomorrow was the perfect day for you to show her how dominant you could be.

you opened your eyes again and looked over to the digital clock by the beside table, “8:36am”, it read and you mentally questioned as to why shuri got so horny and pent up this early in the morning. speaking of her, she was already out of bed, dressing up and changing in her lab wear.

“leaving already are we?” you queried with a fake pout, turning around to watch her get ready whilst you tucked yourself back under the warm sheets.

“yes sorry, i just need to finish a project quickly, but love, can you be ready by 1pm later today so we can go shopping for our anniversary date tomorrow?” shuri asked, brightly smiling at you as she dragged her black jumper down across her torso and grabbed her lab keys from the drawer.

you grinned at her, thanking god she remembered and also feeling very excited because you knew she was going to spoil you, “of course baby.” you cooed, wiggling your toes under your covers, “but why does it feel like we just had a one night stand?” you asked in a joking manner, raising your eyebrow at her.

shuri laughed at your comment, “i’m experienced what can i say.” she left the room before the pillow you threw managed to hit her. you scoffed and laid back down onto the bed, staring at the white ceiling that seemed to move in zigzags after you looked for too long. suddenly, an idea flew into your head from nowhere. you had a sly grin slapped on your face, and you’re the type of person where if you’re set on doing something, oh boy, best believe it’s going to get done. you sat up, shaking your head and went to get up out of the bed, but as soon as your legs touched the floor, they seemed to remember what you’d done with shuri more than you did and completely gave out under you in which you cursed as you fell, “damn, she got me good.” you sat down and rubbed your knees that made painful contact with the floor. you finally found the energy to stand and pulled yourself up so you could walk to the semi-large bathroom situated in the corner of your shared bedrooom. you were getting ready to do something- no, make something that would most likely help in your plans tomorrow.

~~~

you walked into your personal lab located in an isolate part of the palace. shuri had commanded the lab team to build it for you five months prior to you moving in because you were super intelligent and quite gifted, but you were not financial stable and so couldn’t afford to finish your education, so shuri had been tutoring you to fill in the gaps in your knowledge and you swear, you’re almost smarter than her. you absorb knowledge like a sponge and shuri admires your talents, knowing you have great potential and will possibly help in wakanda’s evolvement of technology.

you flicked on a light switch and watched how it activated all the systems, seeing all of it whir to life, “welcome y/n.” the voice of your ai, briot, echoed in the room, greeting you nicely as you walked further in, “thank you bri, can i ask if my design from my ipad is available to be printed now?” you asked, switching buttons to download the image of your special design from your phone and upload it so she could sense it.

“yes y/n.” she affirmed.

“print it for me.” you commanded, moving over the place where’d you’d be able to see it print in 3D.

“printing.”

you smiled proudly as you saw it, the printer moving in rapid motions as it drew all of the details you’d wished for, and you couldn’t be happier.

can you guess what it is?

yes, it was a custom made-strap on.

i know, very original. you tapped the intercom and the protective glass shifted to the side. you reached in to grab your design, admiring its perfect length and girth, not to mention how veiny it was and the light tinge of purple from the hint of vibranium you used in it against its jet black exterior. prior to this, you’d sat in the living room on you’re advanced pc and ipad where you made it, touching it up and even measuring you’re thighs and waist so it fit you perfectly. sure, you had many that you and shuri kept but all of them were used for you and you’d rather make an entirely new one that was just catered to shuri’s needs. satisfied, you closed the glass case and turned around to leave, but your heart nearly skipped a beat when you saw shuri walk in face down with a ton of paperwork.

as quickly as you could, you closed the designing tab that displayed the strap design, and hid the physical one behind you as you leaned on the intercom, trying to act like you weren’t just doing something devious.

“oh babe, what are you doing here.” shuri asked as she looked up, slightly confused as you avoided her eye contact.

“it’s my lab ain’t it.” you said smiling freakishly wide as you slowly put the strap-on in your lab coat pocket.

“yeah, but you didn’t mention you’d be here..” shuri replied, tilting her head to the side to see what you were hiding behind your back,

“what’s that.”

you panicked, shoving it fully into your pocket subtly so it wouldn’t be seen, “what? i’m just working on a new version of the kimoyo earrings.” you said, acting clueless as you shifted to the side to show her the project you abandoned over a week ago, lying down on your desk. shuri looked at you with a “are you serious.” facial expression, but she didn’t say it and just turned around, “alrightie, well, i’ll just borrow your spare pens if you don’t mind and don’t forget to be ready in an hour.” she perked up, grabbing a handful of your new pens and waltzing out of the door.

you let out the large breath that had been stuck in your throat and held your chest, “god that was close.” you muttered, “briot, why didn’t you tell me she was coming back.” you asked slightly irritated, stuffing the strap into a bag you were going to hide in your room.

“you commanded me to not let anyone disturb you.” briot replied in her monotonous robot voice. ah yeah, she’s right, you forgot that the last time you were in here, you told her to put the rest of the world on hold whilst you worked.

“oh yeah, sorry you can turn that off now and shut down the lab for me.” you said as you turned away and headed to the door.

“turning off do not disturb mode and shutting down lab, bye y/n.” she replied as the lights went dim and everything went to sleep again. your lab doors shut automatically and you rushed to the bedroom, hoping and praying that you didn’t bump into anyone, especially you’re girlfriend.

~~~

you waited for shuri in the palace lobby as you were ready to go shopping with her. you wore a long grey jumper dress and some black naked wolf boots with your golden purse by your side. your leg was on top of the other, bopping up and down as you looked around for shuri as well as replying to instagram comments. you recently got your natural hair silk pressed as it was winter season, and it was in a messy bun, edges slayed to the gods.

“sorry to keep you waiting dear.” you heard from the side of you as shuri stood by the black chair you were sitting on. you studied her fit, a black lakers jumper with grey jogging bottoms and jordan shoes with her infamous black glasses. she put her hand out towards you and you took it, lifting yourself up from the chair with your help, “you look hot.” you complimented, kissing her cheek as you grabbed your hand and lead her to the door.

the market wasn’t very far and so a car was not needed to get there. shuri told no security to come as it ruined the authenticity of your outing and no one would try and harm her anyway; she went to the market all the time where the wakanda community treated her like any old citizen there and it really made her feel like she belonged. for you, the market was an escape from your shitty reality, and in the past, you went here not only to get food for your family, but to contribute in the local activities that took place occasionally and make friends.

after about ten mins, you reached the market area but shuri led you down a different path that you hadn’t been before. confused, you held her arm, “the local shops are down there.” you pointed to where you thoght you both were going.

“i know.” she replied, flashing you a smirk.

you two kept on walking for what felt like forever until you ended up on a street that looked like it came out of new york magazine cover. there were so many famous designer shops like dior, chanel, yves saint laurent, pandora and so many more. you gasped and started to squeal as you saw them in all their glory, lined up poshly against each other on the two streets. of course you were a big fan of fashion and never knew these franchises existed within the planes of wakanda. you looked at shuri, back at the shops and then shuri again before hugging her tightly, “oh my god! shuri stop, i can’t buy from here.” you watched in awe as rich ass people went from shop to shop with their bags overflowing with expensive bags, clothes, everything.

shuri chuckled and took out a card from her wallet in her joggers pocket, a black card; you knew shuri was rich but this? oh nah.

“shuri no, i can’t take that, i have my own money.” you said taking out your wallet from your golden purse but she stopped you and put a hand on yours, “my treat, consider it an early anniversary present.” she said in such an alluring way, putting your wallet back in your purse and gesturing for you to take the card from her. in shock, you slowly take the card away from her clutch and she then hugged you, “thank you for being such an amazing girlfriend.” she breathed in your lovely perfume and kissed your cheek. people noticed her presence and were staring at the public display of affection; she didn’t care though, your relationship deserved to be shown off.

you nearly cried, what the hell, shuri was so amazing, “oh god, thank you,” you squealed, jumping and prancing around her. it didn’t take long for you rush inside the shops like a child, taking it in all at once. your first stop was givenchi and you just looked at everything, the prices made you hurl though, $2000 wakandan dollars for a piece of awkwardly cut clothing!? shuri was behind you the whole time, even checking out things herself whilst the shop keepers disturbed her about what she was here for.

anyways, you didn’t find anything you liked there so you visited many shops after that until you were at chsirtian dior and was instantly attracted to a piece they displayed:

it wasn’t too much and there was something about it that just screamed confidence and you fucking loved it. shuri caught you looking at it intently, “you would look so motherfucking fine in that.” she confessed, encouraging you to get it as she was undoubtedly tired of endlessly roaming around so many shops.

you agreed, and called an employee to see if they had the grey two piece in stock, and thank bast they did, so you tried it on first to really make sure it was a good fit for you..“is it nice?” you asked shuri as you walked out of the changing room after you put it on, twirling around in the mirror and looking at how it hugged your body nicely. shuri didn’t wanna admit it, but you looked like such top material in that moment like damn, she wouldn’t mind being dicked down by you in that moment; little did she know…

a good $3500 fled from shuri’s pockets after you purchased it, but she thankfully didn’t mind. you walked out, letting the cool air wash over your face as you happily linked arms with shuri, “are you not gonna get anything?” you asked her as you walked happily down the road, “nah, i already have my outfit planned at home, but i might go check out some rolex watches.” she replied as she mainly just came out for you to shop and enjoy yourself.

“mkay.”

the both of you crossed down the busy road and walked into the rolex shop that just smelt of dollar bills i mean, you’d never stepped in here before until now, but it just made you feel poor. the large array of golden and silver watches were on display as shuri walked along the footpath, expecting every single one of them. you admired shuri’s special sense of value and her actions were so calculated, you could trust that whatever she did was for the right reason, and that was one of the many reasons why you loved her so much. she called over a shopping assistant that seemed to fan girl over her as she asked for a specific type of watch. they had it in the shop and brought it out for shuri who smiled, “thank you, i’ll take that one.” the shopping assistant nodded and brought it to the paying counter. you were going to hand shuri’s black card back but she already had another one out and ready to pay; you wondered how much bread this woman had, but she’d never tell you.

she successfully paid for the expensive rolex watch and thanked the lady as she handed the bag over to her. shuri turnt to you and nodded at the door as a signal that you should leave first and you left it open so shuri could walk out, “so…can i see the receipt?” you asked, very curious about the price as you both walked down the stone steps.

shuri chortled, “ ‘course not.” she said in some tacky british accent, and held your hand as you both walked back down the street you came back from, to the wakandan palace. shuri had a habit of switching in and out of accents as she travelled a lot, so she just adapted them, but it was so out of the blue and it made you laugh.

you got some questioning and nosy stares but you both ignored them and fully enjoyed the rest of your day, visiting cafes and arcades to have fun, like a pre-anniversary date.

~~~

you sat on your shared bed, tapping away at your phone. you took a picture of the christian dior bag and sent it to your friend, nora who sent you a long voice note being jealous and threatening to come and steal shuri from you. you laughed and replied in another voice note, “i wish you’d come and try, girl i’d slap the shit out of you.” you sent it, laughing at yourself doing the fake american accent you’d learnt from shuri. nora gave you swearing emojis and you shook your head, liking her messages and then switching your phone off to lay it on the side of the bed. friends was playing on the tv, shuri was watching it before she’d left to take another shower since you’d accidentally sprinkled her in oil as you both cooked some jollof rice for your dinner.

“fuck, haha i’m so sorry baby.” you were cackling so much as you held the oil bottle, and your stomach as you stared at shuri covered in the olive oil, from head to toe. she was play fighting to get it from you and you accidentally threw the contents at her, not realizing the lid wasn’t on properly.

“god y/n.” she wasn’t even mad, she laughed along with you as she wiped it from her face and arms, but she continued to help you cook as she was starving.

you laughed again at the memory but took the remote to change the channel. you switched it to some true crime channel and settled the remote on the bedside table, opening a packet of sour gummies to fulfill your sweet tooth. before long, shuri exited out the steamy bathroom, a tower around her waist and another one around her neck covering her chest. you tried your hardest not to look but bast, it was hard; she looked so good and that towel was slipping dangerously low, showing off her v line and toned stomach as result of her working out as black panther, being the protector and all. you dragged your mind out the gutter and shifted your attention back to the tv.

“like what you see?” she called out, noticing your prying eyes on her as she moved to get the lotion.

“mhm.” you replied shamelessly, not bothering to hide how hard you were staring. shuri laughed at your directness and turned to face the wardrobe as she removed the towel around her neck, revealing her broad and strong back. you liked how it tensed and flexed as she moved around with light scars of nail marks that were definitely your fault. shuri poured the cocoa butter lotion onto her hands and rubbed them into her palms before she worked it into her skin to give it moisture and avoid ashiness.

“do you need help?” you asked, feeling quite bold.

“that would be amazing, i can’t reach my back.” shuri replied, nodding her head and sitting on the edge of the bed with her bare back facing you. excitedly, you crawled your way directly behind her and took the bottle of lotion and squirted some on your hand. you rubbed it until it grew warm in your hands and then you took a careful swipe along shuri’s back. with elegance, you rubbed it into her beautiful melanin skin and made sure it was all spread evenly before you massaged her shoulders. it was quiet, but you could hear the low moans of shuri as the massaging probably felt good and relieved her of muscle aches. her head leaned back into the middle of your chest as you leaned up on your knees to rub the top her chest, getting dangerously close to her boobs, “mm, you sure you wanna go there baby?” she looked at you with a look of lust and you ignored her, pretending like you were just innocently helping her cream her skin. after, you lifted her head off your chest and rubbed her back again but went down the sides of her petite waist, under her arms as you took in her shape. shuri was surprisingly letting you do all of it and her being vulnerable was getting you worked up so you stopped before it progressed into something else.

“why’d you stop?” shuri fake pouted as she got up, finishing off her legs before she slipped on a white tank top on from the closet, not bothering to wear a bra.

“cuz.” is all you said before you were indulging in your gummies again and watching tv. shuri soon joined you and stuck her hands in your gummies, stuffing some in her mouth as she tried to decipher exactly what you were watching.

“is this murder and stuff.” she asked muffledly, as her mouth was full with the sweets she'd just stolen from you.

you giggled at how stupid but cute she sounded and nodded as you both began to properly watch it with your eyes glued to the screen until you were eventually dead asleep, your arm hanging over the bed as shuri hugged your waist and snuggled herself besides your breast; you could definitely get used to this.

~~~

you woke up from your deep slumber in utter panic as your alarm went off besides your head, blaring into your poor ears. annoyed, you angrily slammed it quiet and huffed to yourself as you rubbed the sleep from your aching eyes. the digital clock displayed 9:30am and you sighed, knowing it was definitely shuri that set it at this time to wake you up. you looked around to find her, but she was nowhere to be seen, which wasn’t surprising at all in the least. you managed to raise yourself up, stretching your arms and legs with a drawn out yawn. you lazily scratched the side of your head and adjusted your silk bonnet before you jumped off the bed and made it up again, like you never slept in it. you were making your way to the door when something caught the corner of your eye. when you fully turned to it, you gasped. it was a note on top of a large bouquet of diverse flowers. cheesing already, you picked it up and read the note, “happy second anniversary, my one and only love,” you took a deep inhale of the sweet smelling flowers before you carried on, “i’m so glad to have you in my life, thank you for handling my shit, from your sexy lover, shuri.” you giggled and smiled to yourself like an idiot as you read it like three more times after that. you danced around your room like a child; it was only shuri that was able to make you giddy like that. ready to hug her to death, you unlatched the lock of your bedroom door and looked in the hall left and right before you quietly closed it behind you and tiptoed to shuri’s lab.

however, when you looked inside, it was empty and she was no where to be seen. confused, you wondered where she could possibly be, but the distant sound of soft afrobeats, and the sweet aroma of pancakes gave you your answer. your mouth watered and stomach grumbled as you realized how hungry you were. you made your way over to the kitchen and without a doubt, she was there, over the stove and tossing pancakes like a pro. she was wearing a blue striped apron whilst softly humming to the song, pull up by koffee, her favorite one right now. once she noticed your presence, she smiled sweetly and made her way over to you, inviting you to dance with her. confused at how different she was acting, you gladly complied and bopped along to the beat. she twirled you around and your back was to her, moving side to side and slightly whining on her. one of her hand was on your waist guiding your movements, whilst the other had a spatula in it. getting shy, you clapped whilst laughing and broke away from her as she hurried over to the stove to turn it off before the pancakes got burnt.

“what?” she let out a hearty laugh and flipped the pancake pan onto a large white plate.

“who are you and what have you done with shuri.” you jokingly ask her, as you pulled her into your embrace, arms around her neck, “i’m right here usana.” she replied, softly kissing you and rubbing your sides.

“mmm, i like this shuri, keep her out more.” you said as shuri held your hand and guided you to sit down onto the royal dining table. she’d told everyone not to disturb you today since it was your special day and her demands were met as it was mad quiet and peaceful, no sign of anyone. you looked down at the large plates of breakfast food presented before you and watched as shuri settled the pancakes lastly and sat down, taking off her apron and flinging it somewhere.

“damn, you worked hard.” you admired how nicely it was set out, fruits, your favorite mocha coffee, eggs, sausage, bacon, toast, whipped cream and juice.

“well, you deserve it.” shuri said, slipping a grape into her mouth before cutting herself a slice of pancake to see if it tasted right before you did. she immediately nodded in approval and encouraged you to taste some. you took a knife and cut into the stack of them, using your fork to stab it before placing it in your mouth. it was so beautifully sweet like not too much and not too little, but just enough. the drizzled maple syrup was the cherry on top and you held your thumbs up in approval.

“she can cook!” you said with your hand over your mouth as you chewed it thoroughly, “i always could!” shuri retorted defensively, as she made a sandwhich. you shook your head and she jokingly flipped you off in which you laughed and pushed her chair, nearly causing her to fall down and spill the food everywhere. she looked at you wide eyed and you looked back on the verge of bursting out of laughter.

“fine.” she walked up to you and started to tickle you like crazy in which you screamed and jokingly slapped her off of you; tickling was the bane of your existence and you hated it, which shuri knew so she was doing it on purpose.

“stopp!” you yelled, as she tickled you harder until tears were coming out of your eyes. finally she stopped and looked satisfied with her revenge before she finally ate her little sandwhich. you looked at her menacingly and finished your pancakes, taking a piece of watermelon from the fruit bowl, “this is war.”

“yeah okay.” she said, sticking her tongue out in a childish manner.

this was one of the best mornings you’d ever had and you were so happy to share it with the one you loved.

~~~

you were both riding along the wakandan streets in a long limousine made of pure vibranium that shuri had designed herself, on your way to the most expensive restaurants in all of wakanda owned by kwamaye ramsey, a notorious chef that is seen in a lot of tv shows. there were two body guards seated at the far end of the vehicle so it was awkward, but shuri’s hand was on your thigh and you two were talking about random things to ease the tension.

“okay but she should’ve died in season two.” you argued and shuri interjected, “no! she was my favorite character how dare you.” you sneered at her and she did it back before you both laughed at yourselves. you wore the expensive two piece you had bought the day before with your black hair down and freshly straightened, large golden hoop earrings with heels that were on a mission to make you fall tonight. by your side was shuri in a oversized black blazer with a unique wakandan design and some black suit pants with dark shades on, and her hair braided back:

she looked sexy as always, but those damn grills that glinted when she smiled were telling you to take her right here and now. she looked out the window, “yeah we’re nearly there.” she said to you as the pointed and you looked, seeing the crazy line of people lining up and the bright lights of the place; damn it was famous, she was right.

“oh my, are we going to have to wait?” you asked, as the car swerved into a parking space.

“oh course not.” she said, pulling two vip tickets from your pocket that flashed a lovely gold, “these guarantee a quick way in.” she said as the car came to a final halt. you sighed in relief but wondered how she even got those. i mean she was the fucking princess of wakanda….it made sense.

“thank you boss.” she said as she gave a nod to the driver who gave a nod back and opened the car door. the bodyguards left the vehicle and she got out first before standing to the side and letting you get out. the air was warm, like a bit humid and the environment was just to clean, no pollution, no corruption, just wakanda. the car drove off and you two were immediately greeted with the sharp looks and long stares from ongoing pedestrians and people in line for the restaurant. shuri took your hand in hers and you squeezed it as you two began to walk towards the entrance of the restaurant with the two bodyguards by your side.

you would never get used to the flashing white lights of paparazzi cameras, but it made you feel quite famous to be honest. your relationship was not new news to wakanda, but you’d both never come out to say it, you’d just left the public to think what they want whilst doing what you want. you covered your face slightly and waved at some people as they excitedly waved back. the bodyguards pushed away some crazy paparazzi, but you just stayed close to shuri as she showed the men at the door your vip tickets in which you were swiftly let in. the inside was breathtaking, the whole restaurant wasn’t too busy but clean, and the whole place was covered by dim purple lights with gold shimmers and wakandan designs on the walls. a friendly waiter guided you both to the tables shuri booked and it was upstairs, away from everyone else and in a private dinner room. there were candles set up and it just looked so boules and prestine, it was surreal. you gasped under your breath and you went to sit down with shuri on the opposite side.

“i’ll come to take your orders soon.” the waiter said and bowed, exiting the room. you both nodded and thanked him before taking in the coolness of this place.

“bro, shuri i feel like i’m walking on pure diamond right now.” you say, taking a cheeky sip of wine already on the table. she laughs and also drinks some of her red wine, “i know it’s crazy rich in here.” she replies, like she’s not some billionaire.

“honestly, thank you, this such such an honour my queen.” you bowed in your seat in which she scrunched her face and shook her head, “you don’t call me, you call me…” she thinks, “daddy?” she winked at you but none of this was going to move you tonight, “no, you call me that.” you replied challengingly, raising your eyebrow and mentally laughing at the surprise on her face.

“haha, i like your jokes funny guy.” she said raising her wine glass up again to take another sip whilst you read through the menu.

she was going to be calling you that tonight, she can just wait.

after a short while, the waiter came back and took your order and you ordered wagyu beef with salad and some oysters whilst shuri just ordered the same thing you ordered, just with some medium rare steak on the side. the waiter went to gather your food and you just sat there looking around, avoiding shuri’s longing stare at you.

“y/n..you’re so pretty you know.” she complimented as you felt her foot rub yours from below the table.

“i know.” you replied with full confidence and a hint of dominance, which shuri seemed to notice as she took a small gulp; she was justifiably down bad for you.

you and her played two player mini games on your phone whilst waiting because that’s just how you bonded, “fuck! i had it!” shuri yelled as you stole her cards and came first place. at that point, the waiter came in with one other, holding plates of your food and refilling your wine glasses. shuri looks down awkwardly and puts her phone on the table whilst you chuckle under your breath and thank the waiters for their service. you’re the first to tuck in and the first bite of that meat is heavenly, it literally just melted im your mouth like butter.

“nice?” shuri asked as she poked at her food, putting your needs before her own, “yes! try yours.” you replied as she cut a piece of the meat and ate it to, “oh my god.” she leaned back into the chair and played dead because it tastes so good, whilst chewing thoroughly.

“i know!” soon after, you both devoured your plates and didn’t leave a single speck of food or any sauce left; you’d practically cleaned it up for them again. you leaned back holding your stomach as you were so full. shuri did the same and quietly burped into the palm of her hand before she sipped some whine.

“hey..i have something for you.” you said, shuffling in your handbag to find a surprise for shuri.

“oh?” she asked, wiping her mouth with the cloth and looking at your bag.

“yep.” you pulled it out and it was a small white box with a bow tie on it. you shuffled it closer to her and she looked at it suspiciously, but accepted it anyway. you studied her face to see her reaction to your anniversary gift; you had to provide for her as well because she was treating you way too much. her mouth twisted into a smile and she looked at you, “you didn’t have to.” she said and she was cheesing as she stood up to come and hug you. you’d bought her these 24 karat gold stud earrings that she’d been contemplating on buying for the last year.

“ehh, it’s the least i could do.” you said, feeling very proud of yourself for being able to afford that and treating her back, even though you’d be doing it much more later. tonight will be about her this time, whether she likes it or not.

“fuck, i love you.” she studied them and closed the box again, putting it in her blazer pockets as she blew you kisses.

“come on, let’s go enjoy our night fully, just the two of us.” she said, as you smiled and got up with her, taking the bill so you both could pay at the counter downstairs. once that was done, you went outside where the bodyguards were and the long limousine, you previously arrived, in was stationed outside waiting for you. you both got in with the two bodyguards pushing away crowds and you two comfortably settled in the back whilst they closed the doors. slightly tipsy, you used your hand to pull shuri’s face to meet yours and kissed her, not caring about the right men in front of you. she kissed you back harder until it was getting too intense in which she pulled away and squeezed your thigh, “let’s wait ‘till we get home baby.”

you nodded and leaned on her shoulder, excited for her to see your second surprise.

~~~

it was messy, hungry and needy. your hands were on each other as soon as you got inside, in a state of frenzy as selfishness for the other grew, but you quickly made your way into your shared bedrooom for more privacy. as always, shuri pushed you down onto the soft bed and started to steal kisses all over, starting from your exposed neck down to the top of your breast peaking out from your cropped blazer jacket. you allowed her for now so she didn’t expect anything.

you wrapped your arms around her neck to deepen your passionate kiss further, bucking up your hips to grind against her to give her the notion that she was in control. she held your hips down and swiftly undid your buttons, taking the blazer off to reveal your lacey black bra. she then kissed a trail from the skin of your breast to your neck again and nibbled on the skin, relishing in the sounds of your soft moans.

as if a switch went off, you found strength to completely to push her down and switch your positions so you were now stationed on top of shuri with her wrists held down by your hands. she looked so confused but surprised at where that random surge of strength came from. you licked your plump lips and connected your lips with hers once again in which she eagerly welcomed. you kissed down along her neck in which graceful moans spilled out from her mouth as you bit down gently on the brown skin before you went to work on unbuttoning her large blazer. your hands were no longer pinning shuri’s so she got up, interrupting you and attempting to flip you over again, “y/n-” but you snapped and gripped her chin with your hand, “i’m the one in charge tonight princess, you understand?” you said in such a domineering manner, she simply nodded and accepted her fate. you smiled sweetly, “good girl.” you praised, as you took the blazer off of her small frame, exposing her calvin klein sports bra and broad shoulders. you leaned besides her ear, dragging your hands down her body slowly as she shuddered under your touch.

you were so glad she wasn’t denying you like she used to, and seemed to give you what you wanted.

“take this off for me.” you demanded, tapping her bra in which she complied and gripped the underband of it, raising it up and over her head. you did the same and removed your lacey bra, discarding it to the side of the bedroom so you both were topless. shuri leaned down so her back was against the bed below and watched as you climbed over her, you’re silver necklace hung down into her face, so she dragged it and pulled you down to kiss her some more and as her hands were free, she roamed down to grip your ass in which you grunted disapprovingly and slapped them away, “you don’t touch me.” you ordered, taking her wrists and pinning them back above her head once again. she bit her lip and gave a sort of whining sound that made your core throb in anticipation.

“you better not move, stay in that fucking position.” you demanded with a deeper tone in your voice. shuri mentally gasped at your sudden change in demeanor but fuck, it turned her on so much more then she imagined. you let go of her hands and went lower, unbuttoning her pant buttons and pulling them down to remove it completely from her, tossing it across the room like the other articles of clothing. shuri didn’t know how to feel right now, you’d never gone full dom like this and she was unsure on how to act but for once, she was going to entertain it and let you do what you want because that’s what you deserve. you enticingly kissed your way down shuri’s body, tracing her shape as you stopped at her boxers. you looked at her for approval to take it off and she nodded, biting her bottom lip as you slid them off of her. she used her foot to discard them r to the side but by the time she could process what was happening, you were already roughly pushing her thighs apart and lifting them up so they were beside your head.

in the two eventful years you both were together, you’d only ate her out..once? maybe twice? but that was way too low compared to the amount of times she was in-between your legs, at least twice a week, and that’s if she’s busy.

you spread her thighs out more and shuri shifted herself down so you were closer; she’d missed receiving head as she was so focused on you, she forgot about herself but tonight, she was going to feel every fucking thing you gave her. the room was dimly lit, but you could clearly see what you were working with. shuri’s pussy was slim and tidy, her lips tucked in and her clit peaking out from the hood like a pearl from its shell. you appreciated the neatly trimmed curly hair but you couldn’t care less about it. your kissing from before had undoubtedly got her wet as her entrance glistened with slick, begging for you to taste it.

without wasting any more time, you dove straight in, tongue up in every crevice you could reach as you greedily tasted every single bit of her, holding her thighs tightly. shuri’s petite frame flinched and her backed arch, lifting off the bed as her arms slammed down onto the bed, “oh my fucking god y/n, yes!” her moan was so erotic, it sounded like it came right out of a porn video. you used that as fuel to keep on going, using your tongue to glide in and out of her, licking up and down her slit and grazing her clit a bit. this caused her to buck her hips up instinctively and grab at your straight hair, “shit shit! ivakala imnandi kakhulu.” she cried out, spewing out expletives like they were rap lyrics.

“mmm.” you couldn’t help but smile at how good you were making her feel. you hummed against her clit on purpose and continued to pry and lick at it to get her closer. shuri’s knuckles were started to whiten at how hard she was gripping your hair but you didn’t care, you couldn’t feel that shit, all you could feel was shuri’s wet pussy slapping against your tongue and cheeks.

“fuck yes!” shuri was up in heaven right now, her head was swung back against the pillows as her hips moved on her own, grinding up into your mouth as you stuck your tongue out, “mm i bet you like this, rubbing your cunt on my tongue like a whore.” you said as her jaw clenched after your wards and eyes rolled back into her sockets, just stuck in her own little world of pleasure. feeling satisfied, you turned your head to the side as you licked to watch her reaction; you swear she started to vibrate underneath you as her visible abs flexed with every breath and her now-sweaty legs tensed with every thrust of her hips upwards. feeling so turned on, you felt yourself underneath your tights and panties, rubbing up on your own pussy, aching due to the absence of it’s usual attention as your nipple grazed against the coolness of the sheets; you could honestly cum right now but no, shuri came first.

you stopped touching yourself and reached up shuri’s toned torso with the other hand, grabbing her tits on the way and lightly squeezing as you continued to make out with her heat. you reached her mouth and stuck your index and middle finger into it in which she willingly sucked, getting it all ready and coated with her saliva.

“so fucking good for me, aren’t you.” you said, bobbing your head up and down as you sucked on her clit, “baby, i’m gonna cum..” she breathlessly moaned as her tongue still swirled around and in between your fingers whilst still moving her hips with the pace of your tongue, “you better not.” you warned, feeling further into her throat warm, nearly making her gag.

soon after, shuri was definitely close and you didn’t want her to cum just yet so you lifted your head up briefly and took your fingers out from her pretty little mouth. shuri gulped and looked at you with such a needy expression, you wanted to make her finish for hours on end. you stuck the fingers in your own mouth because you were just so dirty like that and went back down to her mound, feeling up and down her pussy with the pads of your fingers. you don’t think you’d ever fingered shuri, but she’d done it to you countless of times, you could pick it up. you went back to licking her pretty pussy, but your fingers joined this time and with the help of them being wet from shuri and her self lubricated entrance, they slid right in as you pushed inside and shuri’s body tensed, hissing at the weird sensation. you realise she probably didn’t penetrate herself often, so you slowed it down a bit to allow her to adjust.

“move.” she directed, her dark gaze landing upon you and you could see finally see her gorgeous brown eyes, pupils blown out. not needing for her to tell you twice, you used both of your fingers to move in and out, curling them slightly like she always does. your tongue is also at work and plays with her clit in circle motions. shuri was so high on you right now, her teeth gritted and toes curled as her body calmly convulses, trying to cope with too much at once, “god, fuck yes y/n ugh-”

you slapped her harshly thigh, “i want you to call me daddy.” you smirked while saying it and shuri didn’t look at you but she went quieter which is a sign that she was contemplating on doing it. you moved your fingers at an ungodly speed to force some sound out of her and your wish was granted, “mmm, ah fucking hell…y-yes daddy.” she said the last bit quietly but it made you happy

“ha, you’re so good for me shuri.” you praise approvingly and disconnected your mouth from her throbbing core. you lean yourself up and shuffled to shuri, putting an arm around the top of her head. she hurriedly grabbed your face and pulled you down to kiss you sloppily so she can taste herself, your fingers stil buried deep inside of her as she greedily took them, rocking her hips back and forth. you slowed because of your aching wrists, but you sped up again and she abruptly stopped kissing you, struggling to find your lips again as your fingers drilled the absolute shit out of her.

“yea, just like that.” shuri’s grabbed onto your neck like you were the last person on earth and you let her, enjoying her submissive side that she’d kept hidden for so long. your palm slapped down on her clit and she jerked, “bast, i’m gonna cum all your fingers.”

“yeah? i bet you want to do that shit? fucking hungry for it aren’t you?” you replied fiercely, taking shuri’s hands off of you and leaning back down again as you missed her earthy taste. she whined as you went back down to eat her out again; she was so stimulated, she wanted to cry and you weren’t helping. she played with your hair, putting it in a ponytail and lifting it up and down to guide your head further down into her core. once again, shuri was really close and her body was drenched in sweat at this point, and she wanted nothing more than sweet release, which you weren’t going to adhere to just yet. as you saw she was on the edge, you stopped your actions once again and she then tried to use her own hand to finish herself off, but you weren’t having it and you pulled them away forcefully, “no touching yourself either.”

shuri’s face scrunched in annoyance as her body writhed like a worm under you, but she obeyed nonetheless and kept her mouth shut, rubbing her legs together. you got up from the bed and her eyes shot open from its original squinted state, wondering why you were leaving you like that, “fuck..y/n where are you-”

“that’s not my name.” you said as you removed your skirt and opaque tights, stepping out of it and putting it in the mess of your other clothes. you shuffled around your closet for the bag you’d put the strap in earlier and once you finally found it, you pulled it out and showed shuri your creation proudly.

shuri stared at you then at the strap and then at you again in disbelief, “you’re not thinking of using that on me are you?” she studied the details of the veins and unique design, noticing it wasn’t one of hers.

“duh, why else would i bring it out.” you replied, beginning to put it on yourself and adjust the straps. shuri shifted back in her position and stared at it; something about you wearing made fireworks go off in her lower half, and somehow she ended up splayed out on the bed, legs spread wide open while you were in between her. she used to be so against you using it on her and even went far as to hiding them from you, but you made your own this time and there was no escaping from your grasp.

“don’t worry, you’ll be fine.” you reassured shuri who looked evidently nervous for the large toy dangling in between your legs. you stroked her face and kissed her cheeks, pecking her collarbones and rubbing her thighs soothingly. this helped her relax and she slowly sighed, grabbing your waist and pulling you closer. happy as fuck, you took the base of the black strap on and rubbed the tip against her entrance, that was still wet from your saliva and her slick. she looked away and shut her eyes, ready for it and you thought she looked so flipping cute.

quite impatiently, you started to guide it slowly inside her in which her legs immediately tensed up and she pulled back away from you, causing it to fall out. realizing this will probably take a while, you tried again, rubbing the sides of her waist to calm her down. if worked this time and it went in further before she tensed up again but she held your waist tighter, “it’s okay, just put it all in.” she blurted out, not wanting to wait anymore. you wanted to ask if she was very sure but you couldn’t help yourself and before you knew it, you were slamming into her at full force. she jolted and her hands left your waist, touching your abdomen instead and slowly looking up at you with her mouth in an ‘o’ shape as she let out a silent scream, and you grinning cockingly at her. the stretch from its girth was slightly painful, but nothing she couldn’t take. once she was okay with that, you pulled out again and slammed back in, enjoying her body language as her hands scrambled for something to hold on to, eventually covering her face as you began to mercilessly fuck her, “mhm, take.every.last.bit.of.this.” you thrusted into her after each word and noisy lewd moans spewed out from her like a broken record. her eyes were squeezed shut as her body jerked with your sharp and calculated thrusts, making her whole body shake from the shooting pleasure that skyrocketed from her toes to her fingers as you easily found her g-spot, “fucking hell…daddy ah, ah, ah.” she hesitated but she said it and that’s all that mattered.

the stimulating sound of skin slapping and moaning filled the room, the air thick with hotness and the smell of sex wafting from your bodies. you leaned down to kiss down her neck as your hips relentlessly rammed the strap on into her, hitting places shuri didn’t even know existed within her. shuri watched as your tits moved in a hypnotizing manner, and fought the urge to take them in her mouth.

“oh fuck, you’re so deep.” shuri admitted as she firmly gripped your hips, head turned to the side as all she could do was take it and moan as her body shook uncontrollably, not used to this burning sensation unfolding from within her. she couldn’t even think straight at this point, and the pounding between her legs was the only thing she could feel. suddenly, you pulled out and wiped a bead of sweat from your forehead, “on your knees for me baby girl.”

shuri obeyed and found the little energy she had to turn herself over onto her knees and lie down like that. you gripped her hips and pulled her ass up more before you leaned over her and put the strap on at her entrance again. you kissed along her shoulder blade and sculpted, smooth back that was beautifully arched for you. it was already coated with shuri’s wetness so it slipped right in again and you began to ram into her, “fuck fuck!” is all shuri could say as she felt you grab her shoulders to make her lean up. your boobs were flat against her back as you fucked her, and the skin to skin connection between you two felt so good; the strap-on slightly touching your clit was close to pushing you over the edge in fact. fucking into her was so addicted, no wonder she struggled to stop when she was strapping you down. you saw shuri was touching herself as you were moved inside her her but it was okay, you just didn’t approve of her cumming without your permission. you let go of her shoulders and watched as she fell back down, limp, like she had no control over herself. you chuckled in a sadistic manner and pushed her head down into the pillow, drilling into her little hole, just begging to take all of your dick.

after her moans got higher pitched and her body threatened to give in, you pulled out again and leaned down onto your knees, catching your breath before moving to the next position. shuri was so fucked out from the constant stimulation, and the hadn’t even cum yet; you were purposefully edging her and she didn’t know how much longer she could deal with it, it was starting to become more painful to hold back.

you sat down in bed next to her and tapped your thigh, “can you ride me lastly?” you asked in a polite manner, very different from your strict attitude earlier. shuri barely made eye contact with you but she moved herself, climbing over your frame and positioning herself on top of the strap. you’re so excited, it’s not even funny.

“go easy, please.” she croaked weakly as she looped her arms around your neck and leaned her head onto your shoulder. you nodded knowing damn well you weren’t going to do that. she was already sliding down onto the strap and bouncing her hips up down, kissing you fervently as she held onto you for support. you loved how she was getting into it but nah, you wanted to make sure she felt it all so you did what you had to do. you grabbed her hips and slammed them down unexpectedly, using your own hips to thrust back up. shuri yelped and held your chest, “shit! ngh!” you did it again and continued until she accepted it and rode you at a similar pace.

“you can touch yourself now baby.” you finally say, watching at how she excitedly reached down her body to rub on her engorged clit. her eyes flutter shut and her head swung back again, as you gripped her her ass and to guide her movements. mesmerized but how sexy she looked like this, you leaned forward and took one of her deliciously brown nipples into your mouth, sucking and licking the small nub skillfully. her moans got more strained as you did this, all three sensations she was feeling clouding her senses as the time went by. you didn’t stop and wanted her to cum so fucking hard, she’d feel it for the next few weeks.

“mhm yeah, cum for your daddy, all over my fucking dick.” you sensually whispered into her ear. you didn’t know where all this language was coming from but you’d probably heard shuri say it enough times to you so it was just automatic.

your goal was soon coming as shuri’s whole body tensed, breathing short and ragged as she spasmed repeatedly as a result of her orgasm washing over her in crests of mini waves all hitting her at the same time. “fuuuuuuuck.” her moan dragged out as she gripped your shoulders, her fingernails digging into your shoulder blades. you winced slightly, but enjoying the painful feeling. shuri pulled you away from her boob with a wet pop, pulling you into hungry kiss as she rode out her high that never seemed to end. it felt 100x more intense as she’d been chasing it for the past hour or so due to your cruel edging game.

“ahh, shit y/n, that felt amazing.” her head was heavy on your shoulder and you just smiled to yourself, feeling tired but so horny at the same time. you kissed her forehead and wiped a tear that had found it’s way down her cheek. she was cockwarming the strap until now and slowly but surely, she got off of it to lay down beside you, absolutely blissed out.

you sat at the edge of the bed to slip the strap off your waist and thighs, nodding your head in agreement, “you were amazing, i didn’t know you were capable of that.” shuri said with a genuine surprised look on her face as she clapped for you, still in the process of catching her breath.

“me too to be honest.” you said, laughing and covering your face in embarrassment from the reality of what you’d just done as you lay back down next to her.

“that was another awesome anniversary gift.” shuri whispered to you, coming closer and peppering your cheeks with kisses as she ran her hands along your body.

“yeah…” you looked at her deeply, licking your lips as you she used a finger to wipe away some hair that was stuck to your face, “don’t you want to get off though?” shuri asked with a smirk, her dominant self already coming back after you thought you’d fucked it out of her.

you looked at her blankly, “nah, let’s sleep.” you turned around swiftly, giving her a taste of her own medicine but honestly wanting it so bad.

“sleep? come on, let’s go shower, i’m so sweaty.” she said, pulling your shoulder back to face her before she stood up in which she quickly held the bed for support as her legs felt like pure jello. you hurriedly stood up to hold her before she fell, “oh my, don’t die.” you both laughed as you put her arm along the back of her neck and walked to the bathroom, entering the hot shower together after all that long lovemaking. did it initiate a round two? i guess we’ll never know.

sheeshh, that was a long one.

tag list: @rxcently @ventingfanfics @blackhottie25 @szalipcombo @vai27 @vlkyriesverse @letitias-fav @nil-eena @gay4shuri @zestgodtj

ty you guysss x

[animehouse-moe]

Chainsaw Man Chapter 127: Save The Asa

This if Fujimoto in his element, mixing parts and characters and approaches to create something that only he could. Lifting characters up with fancy words and emotional sentiments, only to have it come crashing down in the most hilarious and apt ways possible. Hardly a big chapter, but within the context of what's around it, certainly one that will be remembered.

⚠️Warning: Spoilers Ahead⚠️

A lot of the chapter focuses on Asa's attachment to life, as you'd expect. She circles the drain, remember her fears, her worst moments. She remembers just how much her life has sucked, how she's only kept alive to be used as a tool by a devil. It's all very outstanding, and is like an accelerated version of Denji's story because Asa is more aware of herself. It doesn't take the terrible moments for reality to break her, because she was never anywhere near the same rock bottom as Denji.

And that's what I love the most about it, Fujimoto's aware. Fujimoto's aware how terrible Denji's life has been, how brutal an existence he's been given, and rather than leveraging that against Asa, he uses it to subvert expectations and assert just what kind of person Denji is. An insane hybrid devil that is driven only by dreams. The kind of guy that can save Asa.

It's equally as ridiculous, because on the surface you hardly get what's really going on (cue the "Fujimoto fan making something out of nothing"). It's just crazy how Fujimoto is throwing out the dumbest stuff possible, but ends up cobbling together a far more realistic and approachable sentiment to suicidal thoughts. Who cares about the "big things" in life? Why would that matter to someone ready to end it all? It's the smaller pieces of life that they'll miss. Reading their favorite manga weekly, or not being able to pet another cat or dog.

And it just keeps going. It doesn't say "oh there's good stuff to life", or "I moved past it", because the last thing someone wants to hear is "it gets better". Because no shit, thinking it'll get better doesn't make it get better.

Instead, Denji steals the show with his idiocy, and proudly proclaims his dream. No longer is it something as childish, or lowbrow as "touching boobs". Nay, it's something more noble, something more lofty. Something that a young man would truly dream of.

And what gets me here is Asa's disgust, as if she didn't allude to the same thought earlier. Also, cute little symbolism of the pair of birds together. Simple piece about freedom and Asa finding someone, as the two birds join up with one another.

Anyways, it's hard to really give this chapter its flowers when you read weekly. But when you put it into the context of the world ending, of Asa slipping deeper and deeper into depression, of her being driven to suicide, of absolutely nothing going her way, I'd honestly say it's the pinnacle of the arc. Purely because it comes in to mock it. It basically laughs in the face of a nuanced conversation on depression and suicide and says, "yeah it's sucks ass, but don't you want to have sex or pet dogs & cats or have ice cream whenever you feel like it?". It's a beautiful aspect of Fujimoto, and I'd honestly liken it to the finale of Fire Punch (though as a lesser form). His grasp of how people tick is incredible, and being able to stretch that understanding to fit the insanity that he loves chasing is amazing.

[velidewrites]

Lucien has long given up on his crush on Elain Archeron — until she drops by his flower shop to return a bouquet from her now ex-boyfriend.

OR

Elucien Flower Shop AU except that Lucien is the florist.

Notes: This is my contribution for Day 5: Nature of @elucienweekofficial!

Warnings: Graysen, Lucien's slutty apron

Read on AO3

Lucien looked at the clock and sighed. He’d have to close the shop in about ten minutes—something he was actually supposed to do fifteen minutes ago—a sign, if nothing else, that the time for stalling had long passed.

She obviously wasn’t coming, and it had been foolish of Lucien to hold out hope. Catching himself glimpsing at the open glass door every few minutes had become somewhat embarrassing—especially since he was pretty sure the woman in question didn’t even know his name.

Lucien knew hers, though. Elain Archeron. He liked the way it lilted on his tongue the first time he tried it, a sound so sweet it could very well have been a melody. He hadn’t tried since—hadn’t really dared to, fearing she might hear it somehow, even from her bakery a block away.

She dropped by almost every day, though, as if fate was intent on testing Lucien’s will until he cracked. He called her “miss” instead, which—of course—ended up being worse than actually saying her name. This nickname of sorts made Elain’s face light up every time, a small smile curling up the corner of her full, rosy lips, as though being addressed as such by someone so close to her own age amused her. Lucien, frankly, didn’t care if she found it silly—he was simply content to watch that pretty smile of hers and know he was the reason behind it.

Besides her beauty, so breathtaking he still was not entirely sure she wasn’t some kind of hallucination from all the colourful scents surrounding him, Lucien knew a grand total of two things about Elain Archeron. One: she enjoyed baking, which resulted in her hands almost always being stained in some kind of flour or spice, and two: she had a particular affinity for flowers, which was just as well, because it always led her right to him.

To be fair, there weren’t any other flower shops in the area that she could choose from, but Lucien conveniently chose to omit the fact. It was easy to forget anyway, when she would show up in the doorframe nearly every day, her silhouette lit up by the golden sunlight. She looked like a spirit sent down to Earth to bless him with her beauty—or haunt him, perhaps, given that there was no way Lucien could ever do anything more than stare.

It was a very cruel punishment, really, and lately Lucien began to wonder what, exactly, he had done to deserve it. He’d always been a hardworking man—finished college with outstanding scores, opened his small business and he liked to think he was kind—better than his wretched family, at least, which, truth be told, was not exactly a difficult thing to achieve. Perhaps fate was punishing him simply for being born into it, and to be completely honest—Lucien wasn’t sure he could blame it.

Punishment or not, Lucien wasn’t sure he could live without it, anyway. He’d grown used to the frequent visits from the beautiful baker, always looking for fresh flowers to liven up her place whenever she made her way back from work. She went for tulips nearly every time—of different colours and crowns, yes, but they still seemed to be her preference, and ever since it had become obvious, Lucien began ordering new variations every week. It was an effort Elain had definitely noticed, sometimes playfully teasing him about his indecisiveness, though she’d always chosen the newest option instead of going for the standard pink. To Lucien, it was rewarding enough.

She’d gone home with a pretty purple bouquet yesterday, and Lucien told himself it was the only reason she hadn’t come today—the flowers were of good enough quality to last her more than the usual few days, giving her no reason to drop by again today.

Still, he’d kept the shop open. Just in case.

It was almost 6pm, though, and Lucien did need to get home eventually. He sighed again, throwing his white apron over his shoulder and eyeing the old green stain he was pretty sure was never coming off no matter how many times he washed it.

Today was a busy day—maybe it was a good thing Elain hadn’t come. Lucien would go straight home and—

The little bell tied to the doorway rang, and Lucien’s head snapped toward the sound.

She came.

“Oh! I’m too late, aren’t I?” Elain’s honey-brown eyes flickered to Lucien’s apron. “Oh. I’m ah, sorry, I—”

“No!” Lucien cleared his throat. “No, I mean—you’re good. I wasn’t going to close for another ten minutes or so.

It was definitely wishful thinking, but Lucien could have sworn her gaze dipped lower, right where he’d rolled up his sleeves earlier to avoid the thorns cutting through his linen shirt. He flexed his arms as if on instinct, feeling immediately stupid afterwards and awkwardly shifting on his feet.

Still fixed on his half-bare arms, Elain said, “I thought you closed at 5:30?”

“There was a late delivery,” Lucien lied, wondering if she could tell. He summoned the usual joke to help cover it up. “Anything I can help you with, miss?”

There it was. That damned smile, more beautiful than any blooming flower he’d ever sold. Elain’s lips parted slightly, revealing a perfect set of pearl-white teeth—Lucien could not believe he was lucky enough to be on the receiving end of Elain’s grin.

“Well—yes, actually. There is.” Her smile faltered slightly as she spoke, and Lucien frowned.

“Don’t tell me the Rembrandts wilted already?” The Rembrandt tulips, if handled by the right hands, could last well over a week.

“Oh, no—they are perfect,” she assured him. “I’m…well, I’m actually here to return these.”

It was only then that Lucien realised Elain was actually holding something—a bouquet so familiar it couldn’t have been made by anyone other than himself. A bouquet he’d sold just this morning—to Elain Archeron’s boyfriend.

She and Graysen Nolan—Lucien had finally learned his name after he’d placed the order—had been dating ever since he could remember. Graysen’s card stated he was an accountant for a well-known corporation downtown, which explained the insane price he paid for the gift. Lucien, of course, did not dare to suggest his girlfriend might have preferred something less ostentatious—from what he’d gathered, Elain was not the type to revel in thirty long-stemmed red roses, their leaves adorned with a thin layer of real gold, all finished off by a silk ribbon and heavy perfume. Lucien had simply assembled the bouquet and charged him the price, almost as ridiculous as the bouquet himself.

Special occasion? he’d asked Graysen then, unable to help himself. He’d recognised him the minute he walked into Lucien’s shop—he’d seen him pick Elain up from work too many times to count. For some reason, though, she’d never brought Graysen to buy flowers with her.

The man merely shrugged. Something like that, he chuckled, then added, as if he and Lucien were old friends, Women. You know how they are—gotta give them something pretty whenever they get too mad.

Lucien tried not to take too much hope in that—still, he couldn’t help but sneak a sly smile. So the two of them were fighting—and he doubted this monstrosity of a bouquet would be any help at all.

It seemed that he was right.

“There’s nothing wrong with them,” Elain added quickly. “I just…” she took a levelling breath. “Some people just can’t seem to let go.”

“Oh.”

Oh? Seriously?

“I’m sorry,” Lucien continued a shade pathetically. “It must be…hard.”

Elain hummed. “Not as hard as I thought it would be.”

He studied her beautiful face as she spoke, wondering if there was any chance she knew about the singular, white streak of flour staining her cheek. Wondering if she'd toss his hand away if he dared to swipe his thumb across it, marvelling at the softness of her skin. She probably would.

She definitely would, Lucien corrected himself silently—he couldn’t possibly ask her out if she’d just gotten out of a relationship. Elain had always been so close, yet completely out of his reach—life liked to be cruel this way, it seemed.

Lucien had only tried to get over her once—the first time he saw her plant a kiss on Graysen’s cheek, just outside of Lucien’s shop. He’d decided it was time to stop lusting after someone so obviously unattainable, and move on with his life. Dating apps were surprisingly easy to figure out—Lucien had gotten himself a date not even two days later. Jesminda, from what he could see on her profile picture, was a pretty girl about to graduate from the local college and looking for some fun now that her finals were finally over. She was exactly what Lucien needed—distraction and fun. He’d promised to take her to the bowling alley a few minutes away from campus which Jesminda somehow had no idea existed—it had been Lucien and his friends’ favourite spot after his own exams last year, and he’d been excited to revisit.

Until, of course, Elain had shown up at the shop the morning before his date, golden-brown hair unbound and framing her face in soft waves. She was wearing her apron, a pale shade of yellow with the logo of her bakery, which meant she’d come straight from there—if the small paper bag in her hand wasn’t already enough of an indication.

Sorry to bother you so early, she’d said, as if she could ever. I made a few extra cinnamon rolls and thought you might like to try some.

Lucien had only gaped, which, in turn, had made her cheeks flush a lovely shade of pink. I hope you’re not allergic? Elain had asked.

No, he’d finally told her. No, it’s just…I forgot my breakfast this morning. Wound up in all the planning, he’d forgotten to pack the sandwich he’d made earlier, figuring he’d have to wait a few hours until he could finally appease his growling stomach at the date.

Oh, Elain had smiled at his words. Looks like it was meant to be, then.

Lucien had cancelled on Jesminda the minute Elain left. He had felt bad, of course, but there was no point in even trying to get over Elain—not after she’d beamed at him so bright even the morning sun dimmed in comparison.

Meant to be.

“Would it be alright, then?” Elain’s voice snapped him back to reality as she approached the counter. “To return it, I mean? It’s very beautiful—it’s just…”

“Not for you,” Lucien finished for her, earning a small nod and a shy smile. “Yeah, it’s no problem at all—thank you, actually. You could have just thrown it out.”

Elain looked as though the very idea appalled her. “I would never do that,” she said with a vehemence that made Lucien chuckle.

“Glad to hear it,” he said, freeing the bouquet from her hands. It still smelled strongly enough to make his nose wrinkle. Elain giggled at the sight, as if she knew exactly what Lucien had just been thinking.

The thought caused a surge of bravery to rise through him, so before he could really think it through, Lucien told her, “I didn’t think you’d like them, you know.”

Elain cocked her head to the side. “Am I that predictable?”

Lucien winked. “Only to me.”

Her cheeks heated, that pretty blush he’d been waiting for gracing her stunning features, and Lucien couldn’t help but feel as if he’d just won the lottery.

“You just don’t strike me as a roses kind of girl,” he added, and it made Elain’s brow arch.

“Oh? And what kind of girl do I seem like?”

Lucien placed the bouquet in a glass vase, considering before he turned to her again. “Roses like these have to be bred—carefully crossed, time and time again, until they achieve perfection—until they reach the desired shade of red or the curve of its petals. You…” he hesitated, meeting her gaze. “You need a flower that’s wild—a flower that grows tall and—and free, and…” Elain’s eyes shimmered, and Lucien was no longer sure he was still talking about flowers. He swallowed something tight in his throat. “And brighter than the very sun.”

Silence wrapped itself around the room, and for a moment, there was nothing but them and the light buzzing of the street outside. Elain simply looked at him, an incredulous expression on her face, as if this was the first time she was truly seeing him.

Unsure if he’d gone too far—if he’d taken her smile for a lot more than it actually had been—Lucien quickly cleared his throat. “Anyway—thank you again. I really appreciate you bringing these back.”

Elain blinked. “Oh—right. It’s no problem at all,” she said, and, unable to hold her gaze any longer, Lucien grabbed a nearby cloth and began polishing the already-shining counter. Yes, he’d definitely gone too far—she had just broken up with someone, and there he was, spewing some kind of nonsense about…about her wildness.

He could only pray Elain would leave before she noticed the furious blush beginning to stain his cheeks.

“Lucien?” she asked, and, his hand sweating over the cloth, Lucien looked up. She stood at the doorway, gleaming in the fading sunlight, watching him with such softness it knocked Lucien’s next breath from his lungs.

“Yeah?” he asked weakly.

Her smile widened. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

The world spun and locked back into place. “Yeah,” Lucien repeated, and found himself smiling back. “Yeah, Elain. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

A few minutes after she left, Lucien found himself scrolling through his order log until the rose bouquet from this morning finally appeared. He stared at the screen for a few seconds, his mouse hovering over the “Home Delivery” button like a beacon calling out his name. Hoping Elain wouldn’t kill him for this, he clicked on the details Graysen had provided until he found her address at last.

Tomorrow morning, Elain would wake up to a small bundle waiting at her doorstep—six sunflowers, tied together by a single, golden thread. Deep down, something told him she would like them.

Elucien Week Taglist (let me know if you'd like to be added!): @melting-houses-of-gold @areyoudreaminof @fieldofdaisiies @kingofsummer93 @witchlingsandwyverns @gracie-rosee @stickyelectrons @selesera @sv0430 @vulpes-fennec @captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship @screaming-opossum @autumndreaming7 @sunshinebingo @spell-cleavers @starfall-spirit @lectoradefics @this-is-rochelle @goldenmagnolias @bookeater34 @capbuckyfalcon @betterthaneveryword @tasha2627 @tenaciousdiplomatloverprune

[carmenpeach]

think im frustrated with idk a lot of things obviously but one thing is that i feel my final ceramic pieces from college are (except for a few) just kinda mediocre. like theyre fine in their own right and im happy with the results i guess but i have a few like outstanding sculptures and the rest were "oh fuck i need to finish this asap fuck" and how i didnt get to finish my last projects cause of the pandemic closing down the campus :( just a kinda unsatisfying end to my college art time in a great studio. granted not that i got to focus on my art cause the professor uhg what a cunt we were supposed to like have free reign over our i think 3 or 4 sculptures for our body of work cause it was the advanced class. but the guy was like "wah put your shit on hold and make fucking teapots for my teapot show to make me look good! do them before your other projects that are also due!" so all i made really were the teapots -_- one came out good it was more abstracted and the other just looked like shit i think i just broke it to pieces. man other than that i made my -_- personal self portrait about schizophrenia and got hardcore shunned idk why i thought ppl would actually be chill. not really mad over that anymore but it still just sucked. i ended up finishing the painting on that like 3ish years ago but never posted it anywhere. might relay that anecdote later of my odd journey lugging that thang around but perhaps another day. anyways as i was saying sucks how my final pieces for college were just "something kinda mediocre and way below my standards cause i need to hurry up and make something" oh well

[ashipiko]

NOW INTRODUCING...

—ASHI TAMADAI! ☆

Ashi Tamadai, part of the reborn Terugumi troupe! Often known as the youngest and most excitable member, the 14 year old always comes in with a splash!

TABLE OF CONTENTS—

1. Basic Info

2. Backstory/Introduction Writing

3. Trivia

4. Relationships (More may be added in future!)

5. Gallery

MORE UNDER CUT!

BASIC INFO:

Ashi Tamadai (アシ たまだい)

Troupe: Terugumi

Age: 14 (as of year 1 of Terugumi, year 2 of MANKAI)

Height: 157cm

Birthday: June 5

Blood Type: AB

Occupation: 3rd Year at Kazunari’s Junior High (1st Year at Ouka High in Act 3)

Motif rock: Floral Agate

Color: Salmon #FF9175

Hobbies: Drawing, rapping, doing whatever she feels like

Favorite Food: Spam Masubi

Least favorite food: Beans of any kind

Family: Father, Mother, Older Sister (11 Years Older), Older Brother (8 Years Older)

Strengths: Energetic, multitalented, charismatic

Weaknesses: Stubborn, worries too much on if she’s being annoying

CV: Sato Hinata

BACKSTORY:

Ashi’s always been the younger sister. Always at least 8 years younger than her immediate family, babied by all her cousins, and often treated as the youngest in school friend groups. Due to her age, of course. A birthday like June 5th didn’t help, finally catching up to other kids at the end of the school year. Everyone around her was older, and that always set her in the role of the youngest.

It was like tradition. Something you’re unable to break— “Would you mind babysitting Ashi while I’m gone?”, “Are you sure you can stay home by yourself?”, “Here, let me get this for you.”— An unbreakable curse. No matter what she did, how she tried to prove herself, it would just result in her being seen as stupid or incompetent, and she’d be back in the high chair.

It gets old at some point.

One day, she visited her cousin Kazunari Miyoshi, and heard of his debut in the new MANKAI company. Ashi wanted to show all her support to her favorite cousin, of course, so she bought a ticket as soon as she could. She sat in her seat, within in the sea of observers, and didn’t expect much except an outstanding performance. But that play— seeing Kazunari as Aladdin, alongside Tenma Sumeragi as Alibaba— it opened her eyes.

Seeing the star actor, known for his cool roles, acting in a comedy was such a breath of fresh air. Seeing her cousin, who she knew was more that what met the eye, say his thanks to the audience in such a genuine tone...

It helped her realize that acting was a way to escape from your usual persona and try something new. To branch out to different aspects. To be someone other than yourself. A chance to prove that you were more than what met the eye.

Ashi wanted that. More than anything.

Once she left the theater, she immediately started on her new journey. To find people who accepted her for who she truly is, and to see past what she seems to be. To find people who want to know her, to find a group where she feels she really belongs.

She found that auditioning for troupes around her area was the best way to go about it. If Kazunari can do it, why can’t she? So every week she visited a new troupe, giving her best, most dynamic audition to the directors. Sometimes she’d make the cut, but it didn’t matter anyways. Because again and again, she was merely casted as the background comedy character. The one you kill off, laugh over, and don’t bother to think about.

But MANKAI’s Summer Troupe plays helped her through all the failures, and every play and character she admired grew her passion for acting more and more. Seeing every actor’s happy face as they bowed and said heartfelt thanks for their standing ovation only made her dreams more powerful.

One day, she wishes she can become the shining star who blows everyone away.

One day, she wishes she can be something other than just a kid.

One day, she wishes she can prove herself to the world.

“Excuse me, I’d like to audition!”

TRIVIA:

—Ashi’s cousins to Kazunari! She’s the second youngest within her two families, with Futaba trailing behind just a little.

—She’s bilingual, knowing both Japanese and English (due to English being her first, she writes her name in English for her signature, left of her name on the introduction page).

—Ashi was born and raised in North America. However, her mom’s side of the family lived in Japan, so they would visit Japan every Summer for a long period, allowing her keep in touch with both areas. At age 12, she decided to stay in Japan permanently with her brother, who decided to stay for business reasons. She wanted to stay so that she could seek out more theater troupes along Veludo Way. In the story, her family is often mentioned as being overseas, so her older brother acts as her guardian. When she moves into the troupe, he enlists Kazunari to keep an eye on her when he can’t.

—Ashi’s two catchphrases are “Super Hype!/Hypesies!” and “Tehepero!” (referenced to in her doodle, top right of the introduction page).

—Ashi’s a part of a troupe called “Terugumi”, a reborn troupe (much like MANKAI) that’s one of the many acting troupes along Veludo. When the Terugumi story begins, it takes place after Act 2, before Act 3.

—She genuinely can’t stay awake past 12. Ashi becomes a completely different version of herself and loses all her energy, always having to hold onto someone. Kazunari brings up the memory of when they were younger, when Ashi survived off a churro at a theme park, confident she was going to make it till closing, before she passed out an hour before the park closed.

—She’s often the “little sister” with everyone she hangs out with. Ashi mainly hangs out with Kazunari, Tenma, Banri, and Azami. They all see a part of themselves in her, which leads to them getting attached easily.

—In Year 1 of MANKAI, Azami actually saved Ashi from getting jumped when she ended up lost, going the wrong way. Ever since he saved her and simply gave her his name, she always has an eye open for her “knight in shining armor”, asking around for a guy who she calls “Azami, the dark haired cutie”. She eventually gives up once she can’t find him at her junior high, but has a small sliver of hope.

—When she finds Azami again, she immediately wants to befriend him and get to know him, causing them to become fast friends and besties.

—She’s a hopeless romantic (runs in the family!)

—She raps often with Homare and Azami. They have a group chat that they barely use, and every once in a while she pops in to ask for a rhyme.

—Ashi is hilariously bad at freestyle, and runs out of rhymes quickly, but when given a solid set of lyrics she sings them super smooth.

—Ashi uses Kazunari’s nicknames for almost all of the members. The only weird exception is Juza, who she refers to as “Hyodo”. No one knows why, but it’s assumed by most that it’s due to Banri’s influence. She switches between nicknames and not-nicknames for Kazu, Tenten and Azamin. Banri’s the only one who she calls fully by name.

—She’s terrified of Chikage.

—Being called a “kid” is the biggest insult and middle finger you can give her. In her mind, being called a kid is like being called stupid, incompetent, pathetic, and everything in between. She thinks this because it was often used as a derogatory term when growing up.

—Despite being straight, she happens to attract a LOT of girls. She has a fan club a short while after she starts attending Terugumi (which is mostly girls), and girls at school have tried to pursue her at school as well. She dreads having to let them down, and feels like her charisma can be a curse at times. (“Ehh... Sometimes I wish the chocolates I get on V-Day were given by a bunch of guys instead...”)

RELATIONSHIPS (WITH MANKAI):

KAZUNARI

“Ashi, your latest inste post was super adorbs! ♪”

“Thanks Kazu! Learnt all my tricks from the expert~”

From a first glance, the cousin relationship seems more like a twin one, as they’re both excitable inste obsessed artists who can’t stop talking. But overtime, it becomes apparent that Kazunari watches over Ashi with a careful eye— They’re awfully close. It’s due to the fact that Kazunari sees a part of him in his little cousin, when they draw together in his dorm room, or when they have late night talks over the phone. His older brother instincts can’t help but kick in when he interacts with her.

He enjoys watching her grow and experience new things, especially since he can see her so much more now due to them being in local troupes. Kazunari can’t help but get a little overprotective at times, though. She’s his favorite little cuz, after all!

“Kazu! Mind hanging out with me at the mall today?”

“Bet, let’s do it! Hey, it’ll really help with my charming older bro image, don’tcha think?!”

TENMA

“Tenma… Would you mind buying this kpop album for me…? I’ll promise I’ll pay you back!”

“Sigh, what else should I expect from you at this point…”

The relationship between the two cocky O-High kids doesn’t really bloom (get it) until Kazunari mentions a resemblance between the two. At first, Tenma’s insanely confused. How could you compare him, a worldwide actor, to some 14 year old?! It takes a little clearing up to make him nod his head and quietly agree.

Kazunari notes that both of them are people who put up a strong and tough front, but in reality are just a couple of scaredy cat sheltered kids without a good idea of fun. After a couple indirect conversations, Kazunari decides to get them to start hanging out. Tenma at first is absolutely bewildered at her hyperness (more than Natsugumi, somehow) and finds it hard to talk to “kids these days”, and Ashi freaks over hanging with a celeb, but Tenma loosens up after she shares her admiration for the actor.

At some point, Tenma has to agree and say that he does see a little bit of himself in her too. He doesn’t know when— but the initial annoying feeling she gives turns into something sweet. Watching horror movies with her becomes comforting, and hiding in the blankets doesn’t feel so lonely anymore.

”O-Oi, Ashi, who turned off the lights?!”

“I-I dunno! But I’m totally fighting whoever it is! For more banger movies from Tenma Sumeragi to come! COME AT ME!”

BANRI

”Hey Ashi, you think you’re finally old enough to fist fight me?”

“Oh-Ho! You are ON!”

At first meet, Banri calls Ashi a little kid. It ends up in a fistfight in the MANKAI lounge, which has to be broken up by both Natsugumi and Akigumi. A great way to start a friendship, isn’t it?

It’s through riling up Ashi that Banri finds out she’s also a thrill seeker who’s looking for something new. Not to mention, multi-talented, just like him. It’s rare that you ever find a kid like that, and even rarer that you find a kid as fun as Ashi. Through this little banter relationship, Banri starts taking Ashi out to do different activities— Wood carving, arcades, shooting arrows— Anything new in attempts to give them a thrill. It’s through all the challenges that the yells of “YOU SUCK!” turn into laughs, even if insults still trail behind.

It’s refreshing to meet someone with the same struggles who’s willing to solve them with you. Banri doesn’t know when, but at some point it feels like he has two sisters instead of one. And Ashi can’t help but feel like she’s gained another older brother. NEO finally has a secret weapon to rival Taruchi.

“...Ashi, did you notice that Itaru’s streams have been mentioning someone named ‘Lil NEO’?”

“NOOOO! Don’t tell me I have to be associated with you on social media now...!”

AZAMI

“Hey Azamin, I found this unused eyeshadow palette at my house! You think you can use it?”

“Pfft. Is this your way of trying to get me to do your makeup again?”

Azami and Ashi are both the youngest members within their companies, and it’s definitely something they bond over often. They both have issues and hate being referred to as a kid, so during their makeup sessions, where Azami, the pro makeup artist, happily does makeup for Ashi, the pretty one who doesn’t know anything outside of skin care, they often rant and talk about annoyances within their troupes. Ashi finds it comforting that someone’s willing to listen to her seriously, and Azami finds it comforting that there’s someone else who feels the same way as him. Due to this, Ashi often comes by for Azami to test out new makeup products, since she always trusts in him and his magical skills.

Especially when they reconnect a year or two after Azami saves Ashi, Ashi can’t help but admire and fawn over Azami. “You’re so cool, Azamin! You can fight, do makeup, AND slay in every way?! You’re amazing!”, are things she says often. Azami gets a little flustered at how touchy and affectionate she is, but he can’t help but soften up after a while. Hugs are okay. Hugs are good. It feels nice gaining one from someone who looks up to you so much.

Despite their different aesthetics, the two really aren’t that different. As they hang out more and more, walking home from school, hanging out at the dorms, going to cafes, they quickly become best friends and always enjoy each others company. Ah, well, maybe they enjoy each others company a little more than they’d like to admit.

“Azami, your skills are for REAL magic! Like, you’re insane when you’re holding a brush like that...!”

“...Magic, huh? Heh. Thanks, Ashi.”

GALLERY:

[crying-fantasies]

Rodimus wasn't ready to be a creator P10

Masterlist

Part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10: Sparkling pictures

Little pedes struggle a bit to move around without using his wheels, bit his servos stay strong while gripping your hands, both moving slowly to reach what you want to show at the end of the way, the protoform is still an infant in it's processor and physical appearance, practically a baby boy of short age while he is already way too big to carry around like before at least for you, too heavy to even try and lift him in your arms, sometimes he cries about it, something that protoforms don't really do as regular as him, but yet again your bundle of you is more human in that aspect, even the time he needs to learn how to walk properly and the help that you can offer with more ease than your poor husband trying to reach you baby's hand with his big body almost folded, he tried several times but Rodimus would feel his back killing him later every single one, so your baby has you, holding to his tiny hands to guide him while he looks up to you with a smile.

It's a sweet memory, one of the few that he has a sense of recollection when looking at this place, which is familiar, from a very long time ago.

"To see you here in this exact time, well, that's what I call a surprise"

Blacksun hears a loud voice behind, authority dripping from it in every word, there is a femme, big and strong, even more than him, in every aspect, blue and white, with way too soft facial features that don't exactly look cybertronian, few were the individuals that shared a genetic bond with a human and showed this kind of physical traits.

"Individuals" was how they were called by others, "playmates" by their creators.

"Code~" without a real necessity to drag along her name while opening his arms he does it anyway, gaining such sweet giggles from the femme before been embraced in a warm hug after finally throwing away the big and scary bot charade.

"Sunset, it's been so long" as large as she is and with outstanding force is natural the little effort it takes her to put him a few meters away from the surface of the planet, "I haven't heard from you since ages, what brings a traveler to Cybertron?"

"Well, you now, to see old friends and give presents" while he talks his servos display numerous packages full of colors, on looks more flashy than the last, "that is, if madam Eminen wants one" he almost wants to laugh, bright blue optics look at him, well, the candies, with adoration, "The pop tarts are quite good to be honest"

"I shouldn't..." There is hesitance, dentae in her lower lip, before finally giving up and reaching for one, opening it with her dentae before eating it in one take, "human food, it's so good, energon can't be compared" he just laughs, as big and strong she may look now, Eminence Prime, previously Codexia Pax, is still the same food lovin' protoform from old times.

His laugh dies slowly while looking at the main reason why he is here, remembering being as little as his mother at that time, her hand gently guiding him to see the hot spot in Automica, the place where he emerged as a spark, much to his father's grimace.

That very same hot spot is still producing, and there are many other bots in there, waiting for their opportunity to raise a protoform even if it just for a few cycles, a whole rotation at best, seeing with interest the only bot and human pair that gets near the hot spot and, together, they bring a piece of sentio metallico to the surface with the help of many other humans that come with special gloves to prevent any DNA mixture.

That's how he came to be, that's how Eminence came to existence, all 37 of them, plus this one too, a new one to add to the list to call during Christmas and tell Sari about when he returns to earth.

His forging was... unexpected, as his father said, after an hour and multiple heart failures due to pain, his mother gave him a form and he scanned them.

"There are more humans than before"

"They make a great help for our blacksmith", she has opened another package, eating with abandon, they can't get bigger or better and the little fuel they get from organic food is almost a bad joke, but they don't have the necessity to excrete or gain weight, they only do it because it tastes good, quite the reason business is blooming with other things apart from energon that comes from earth.

Apparently, in the time Rodimus (and by sub product, he as his spawn) and all his crew were away searching for some kind of new lost cybertronian colony or whatever (they only found death corpses by the way), more humans appeared in Cybertron, living in there! Walking along some human sized corridors and using exo packs to breath, even Iacon had an artificial atmosphere to provide what's necessary for its new fleshy habitants that live around and work in little shops, commerce is new after billions of years of war, ironically humans are good to guide others in many ways.

But now this was another thing.

"A human blacksmith" he looks at the man, at least it looks like one, he was never good at differentiating, he only recognized his mother, it's moving the sentio metallico around, it's like a game for him, little hands and fingers mean a more versatile way to put it together, and that one human looks like he knows what he is doing, "color me surprised"

"The council is more open this days, after what happened with Eukaris, humans are seen in a better way"

He doesn't say anything, just looking around, he knows what happened then, he meet a human that died there, and he looks here, where life is formed again by this cybertronian and human, seeing the tiny human with open arms accepting a little bundle of birth metal just forged by the human blacksmith, a blanket ready in their arms to embrace the little bitlet, he is focused on it but he can feel Eminence looking at him, searching for something.

"Where is your memento?"

Oh, right, Eminence doesn't know, in reality, not even Blacksun himself knows at the moment where that thing is, maybe it shows, because Emi stops eating for a moment and looks at him worried.

"What happened?"

"I've it in a security place, don't worry about it" He tries to put little importance to it, as little as possible, the light optics of his friend show him otherwise.

"Hum, I would love to do so, it's just..." looks like she is ready to tear up, cry like humans call it, "I couldn't let it go..."

"No no, nothing like that!" He stops her from more tears of coolant falling from her optics, tries to, it's so obvious that he can't reach her face plate with facility.

"Then what?" She searchers at her side where a compartment opens and she takes a little pendant, it's golden in color and the fiber of the cord around it is organic, Eminence hold it delicately to the point one may think the little trinket will fade away if too much pressure is put into it, her way too expressive optics showing such sadness that he tries to look away "our mementos are all, it's literally all we have of them apart from our given names" she puts it practically in his face plate, showing him every detail, every impressed information in it, "Sari told us since we were protoforms to keep this close and never ever lose it, never!" She is on crying again, a lot, those drops aren't coolant anymore, those are water and salt drops dissolved with many chemicals that present the variance of the emotion, real organic tears.

"I know" Blacksun does what he can, hearing her hiccuping, really, Codexia hasn't changed, she is still the overly sensitive and emotional protoform that cried for her mother to carry her if something was scary, but now she is Eminence, a promise of brighter future and expansion, a hard exterior to such a soft, sweet young femme.

"How are you strong enough to leave it?" Emi finally asks, servos gently holding the golden disk with adoration, "I can't leave it, what if a lose it by some silly mistake?"

Lose it by mistake, yeah, Blacksun still had those moments, when he was given the golden disk for the first time he didn't want it, throwing it away in middle of a tantrum while crying for his mother and calling his father a lier, Rodimus quickly going to check if the disk wasn't broken and ex-venting with relief at seen that it was indeed whole, holding it near to his chassis.

When he returns to the Lost Light after Eminence stops her crying and he left her with her father (he really feels so little when seeing the great Optimus), he searchers in a secret pocket just between the space in his ark replicas (those were here before him, he didn't had the spark to eliminate them so those are his now) and takes out the golden disk.

It would take time, but Rodimus finally let Blacksun have the disk back, the disk of his mother, which he puts carefully in the receptor to see another film on it.

"Entry number 1" there she is, his mother, you, looking well, rested, the area around you looks new, many people, humans, are moving around with little things used to give more comfort.

The very first time that humans boarded a cybertronian spaceship, in an official way at least.

How did you ended up there, in space, walking among big aliens, is something that he wished to ask you if you were still there, his father only says that it was destiny, Ultra Magnus says it was because earth would change drastically soon and humanity was in ways of mass extinction, it still is, the Lost Light wasn't transporting energon from earth that day, it was transporting humans.

"We are transporting something like energon, I guess, I don't know why I'm here really, but I can try to help, try to do my best as I can" it's like you are talking to yourself, most likely because this was supposed to be just your entries, totally personal.

You look healthy, nervous, your hands don't have the same burn scars that you gained when you had him.

"I'll miss the earth" you smile, sadly, looking around to the other humans, "I'll miss the sunset view in my parents house"

This time he does hear the sounds of his father's pedes and the door opening but he doesn't bulge even when he takes a seat next to him, holding him near to his side when tears started to fall.

"Many bots are gentle, sometimes they like to poke around but they know boundaries too" you laugh and Rodimus does the same, remembering how he couldn't keep his servos from picking you up and even running a digit over your head when he was feeling that everything was just so much.

"Everything is going to be alright" Rodimus is hugging his son when the entry ends and then continues to the next, all recordings of your voice and things that you took photos of, all your life reduced to a disk, so little in comparison to the normal sized ones.

You, his dear conjunx, who didn't have a spark, only what you called a heart and maybe a soul, not knowing what would happen when you died, only knowing for a fact that you would die before him, Rodimus even joked that he might get blasted before that and you gave him the angriest look that he ever saw on you while he promised that he'll be careful and never be too overconfident, at least for you.

His devastation when he lost you by the doings of others almost made him want to follow you, something that apparently was common when a bot lost a conjunx, but he couldn't, he wouldn't.

The pictures show right at that moment are proof, first there is only pictures of places, things, those change to photos of your friends, the ones that you made and come with you from earth, the ones you make in space, Rodimus and you, you with a little bottle with energon on it and Rodimus holding a bracelet, the most likely thing that you found that could represent the rings that humans always gave in wedding ceremonies, finally settling to many pictures of a little white and blue body, forming a face, limbs, a whole body and smile back at you with optics that have a color way too similar to yours.

Your voice can still be heard, every detail and every curiosity that you found, every sound of your voice brought them real comfort when you called them by their names, one that you learned to love and one that you created with that same love Rodimus showed you, one that he can't still let go of, maybe he will never be able to.

Rodimus didn't know if you could be there for him when his spark finally gave up but he wanted to believe so, that you would welcome him in the allspark, let him hold you again and, as cheesy as it may be, get to hug you and kiss you.

"Dad"

"Yeah, Sunny?"

"I think- I want to take my name back, the one mom gave me"

And that was enough.

[jerzwriter]

So, why is self-love day the hardest day of all? Every year, I see dozens of posts for all the other days - and then it slows rapidly for self-love. Meanwhile, here I am telling people, "Get to it! I want to see your self-love posts," and I'm like, "Oh, shit, that means I should do one!" lol

I'm proudest of venturing into writing for Wake the Dead and Crimes of Passion. I can't wait to write more for both of them in the future.

Wake the Dead is the pleasure of "writing for me" because, while I have a few readers who really enjoyed those works, it's not a popular story/pairing, but I love it. The Eli prequel fics are among my favorites, but I love his story with Zoe, too. I plan to expand on their HC in the near future. One of my favorite Eli x Zoe fics is Comfort & Joy. A bittersweet story that honors all they've been through, while showing what they've brought into each other's lives.

With Crimes of Passion, I have had so much fun getting to know Trytan and Carolina better, and I can't wait to explore their story more. I have loved the angsty/fluffy stories about them in my HC; some favorites are Better This Way, Breathe Again, and "...and you have me." I also enjoyed writing an angsty AU based on what would happen if they didn't stay together in Book 2 called A Moment in Time. The final part of that series will be up in the next couple of weeks.

Back in Open Heart, I'm happy I've written more about my MC Casey's past, particularly her relationship with her ex-girlfriend, Jessica.

But, of all my pairings, Tobias & Casey still have my heart. They really are the OTP for me. I haven't done enough with them recently, and plan on remedying that. I have some angstier outstanding AUs that I want to work on: What's Forever For?, an AU where the divorce (though neither really wanted to) and now they have to figure out how to move forward, By Chance, which is a messy AU where they met and fell hard... but they were too young and god will they screw things up in this messy AU, and I am like a year late at finishing up Where it Goes From Here, god, I suck (wait, that's not self-love! lol)

In my HC for the pair, I'm going to finally show you HOW they got together, and that's my immediate goal. Then I'll explore their future because, honestly, how much longer will we have an OH fandom :(.

Another thing I've loved this year is how much fun they've had with friends! With @lilyoffandoms Ethan and Merida and @storyofmychoices Bryce and Olivia - I need to create a masterlist for this crew! I will, and I will come back and tag it!

Then they went and became besties with @mydemonsdrivealimo's Jensen and Bryce, and I ended up dropping these two nutty, amazing men right into my HC. They need a list too. Shit, I have work to do. lol

They even got to play with @trappedinfanfiction's Ethan x Celia. Tobias & Casey get AROUND, and that's fitting for my babies! lol

In Ethan and Kaycee's land I will be wrapping up A Different Fate, which is my favorite thing that I've done for them in the past year. I got a $40 donation for Anera through Write for Gaza Project, and the donor (who wishes to remain anonymous) asked me to finish this series. I can't think of a better reason to do so!

Also had some fun with some uber-fluff for these two in As Planned, , and I do. Me too.

I introduced Ethan's LI in my T/C wold, Dr. Eva Mendoza, and I will be exploring her more in 2024.

That's all I've got kids - and that's way too much anyway - so we're all good! Now - I want to see yours! :)

@choicesfandomappreciation