#anyways. this has been a wip for one million years. dusted it off and did just a tiny bit to finish it. sorry fumiya

[funuya]

i don't know what's wrong anymore

[kattramen]

BEFORE READING, KNOW THIS IS FIC IS DISCONTINUED.

I started working on this WIP for valentines day, but, if you hadn't seen- valentines day was almost a month ago. I might pick this back up next year, but I dunno yet. It's a little messy, but it would just rot away with the rest of my wips if i didn't post this. Anyway, please enjoy what I do have! :^>

Thank you @here-2suffer for giving me the inspiration to write as much as I did. Sorry I didn't end up finishing before writers block swallowed me whole.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

February is that weird transitional month between the harsh winter weather and the wet and warm spring. Not quite cold enough to warrant your heavy winter coat but not warm enough to ditch the hoodie. The chilly morning air fills your lungs with a new vitality, a new day, a new week. Let's hope this one is more promising than the last, working in the pizzaplex is beginning to weigh heavily on your shoulders. So many faces to remember, so many noises, so many messes… 

You sigh, punching your employee ID number into a kiosk to clock on.. glancing over the schedule plastered on the corkboard nearby you search endlessly through the list of faceless employees that keep the glorified mall running like clockwork. One of the downsides of being a float in the Plex is you never quite know where you're going to end up for the week. 

"Let's see, Betsy, Romello, Sara, Leo, Pete, Macky, Jillian, Robert, Mike, Vlad, Ah! Y/N, there we go." You trace your finger down the paper, stopping when you reach your name.

"Now where did they stick me- Oh!" A soft smile creeps across your face, "Daycare huh? It looks like it's gonna be a good week after all." You walk towards your locker, taking a simple black hairband from your wrist you tie your formally loose hair up into a pony, taking the time to slip your fazco branded cap into place. Brushing off the invisible dust on your uniform you look towards a mirror to straighten yourself out, taking the time to readjust your fringe and checking the cleanliness of your teeth. You could probably use a mint.. maybe some gum.. a quick pat of your pockets serves as a gentle reminder that you haven't been to the convenience store yet this week. Oh well, gum has been banned from the daycare ever since the bubble-blowing incident anyway. It took months before Sun stopped smelling like Hubba bubba. 

You chuckle fondly at the memory, shaking your head as you recall how long it took the daycare attendant to pick the rubbery pink substance from each crater in his faceplate. Sparing a quick glance at the clock you decide you've spent far too long stalling in the locker room. You turn, heading off through the endless underground tunnels toward the daycare. 

As the mechanical door rises and you step out onto the ground level, the heavy bustle of service bots zipping around the building and settling everything into its rightful place reaches your ears. You can also hear the faint chiming of the arcade on the floor above you, more than grateful you wouldn't be on ticket desk duty this week. Some of those kids are ruthless, and the adults aren't much better.. sure Mr. Hippo isn't the most popular animatronic from the franchise, but that surely doesn't warrant hurling those heavy-ass magnets at poor unsuspecting service workers' heads. 

As you approach the large wooden double doors, something becomes blatantly obvious... Neatly cut pink paper heart chains are hung carefully above the door. A peek at the exterior of the rest of the daycare reveals these aren't the only ones... Suddenly the reason for your 'peaceful' work week becomes all too clear. It's Valentine's week....fantastic. You contemplate turning back and locking yourself in one of the charging booths, but decide against it to save yourself from possible radiation poisoning.

Holidays in the daycare are always unbelievably hectic. Not only are the kids bouncing off the walls, but there's also a million and one things Sun likes to jam-pack into the week. The history of the holiday, crafts, sweets, face painting, themed games, stories, movies, and a dozen other activities he somehow manages to come up with. You're not sure if you wanna know just how long he plans these things out. But he's always so excited to enact said plans, and watching him find genuine enjoyment in his craft makes the next few weeks of pocket glitter worth the trouble. 

You grab hold of the door, trying to prepare yourself for the mess of red, pink, and white covering every inch of the daycare. The door opens with an agonizingly slow creak, you make a mental note to tell maintenance that the hinges need to be greased. What lies beyond the doorway exceeds your expectations, they outdid themselves this year.. paper hearts of several varieties and baby angels are strung up all around the daycare, chains similar to those on the exterior also stretch along the interior walls, bunches of paper bouquets adorn the crafting tables along with what seems to be all the materials to make cards, the security desk has been covered in pink paper and decorated with a billion tiny hand drawn hearts, and heart balloons of varying colors are scattered about the floor. 

In the center of it all, dressed in bright red overalls, a frilly white button-up, pair of angel wings, a halo, and what seems to be a bow and arrows. Is a rather ecstatic-looking Sun, he aims at you, sending an arrow hurtling at your head. It makes contact before you can even react. Too stunned to speak, you glance up at your forehead at what looks to be the aforementioned arrow suctioned in place. 

"Haha!! I got you Sunbeam!! You've been shot by cupid! Looks like sooooomeone's fated to find love today!" Sun cheers as he jogs over, plucking the arrow from your forehead and tossing it back into his sling.

You stare blankly at him, still trying to process what just occurred. "I'm gonna what?" 

"Find love! them's the rules after all!" He shakes an arrow at you, grinning cheekily as he taps his chin in thought. "Noooow, just who to set you up with.. hm… can't be any of the kids.. can't be second staff.. They have a boyfriend don't you know!" He strikes his palm, raising a finger up when the answer comes to him. "Ah-ha! That just leaves two eligible bachelors!!" 

You quirk a brow, “And just who might those gentlemen be?” Your voice holds a certain level of perspicacity, an incredulous look plastered across your features. Sun’s grin only seems to widen, he leans against the security desk, arms folded.

“Well I can tell you now, they’re swell guys! Very sweet, charming, some might even call them handsome.” He nods as he speaks, “Very crafty too, you wouldn’t believe what they can do with some scrap paper and a glue stick! Being resourceful is an extremely desirable trait, especially in this day and age! That recession is quickly approaching after all!” He turns, beginning to pace in a circle as he babbles, hands animating each sentence. “There is a bit of a catch.. It’s a two-in-one package, can’t have one without the other, buuuut that just means double the hugs, and you simply can’t beat a deal like that!” he quits his pacing, stopping to gauge your expression, despite the friendly face his anxiety seeps through the cracks of his carefully crafted confidence. Fidgeting with his clothes, thrumming his fingers, refusing to look at you longer than a few seconds at a time, the intensified whirring of fans attempting to regulate internal temperatures. He’s nervous, thats apparent. 

“Oh really? They sound like really great guys, but I sorta already had a valentine or two in mind. So you’ll have to let them down gently for me Sunny, I really didn’t take you for the matchmaker type. Do you set employees up regularly?” If he was going to be roundabout in asking, you were 100% going to play into it, and tease him a bit. It’s only fair, they take every opportunity to mess with you, might as well give them a taste of their own trickster ways. 

Sun visibly deflates, rays despite their inflexibility almost seem to sag. You can’t help but compare him to a withering flower, his grin twitches ever so slightly. “I.. I see.. Seems like you get out more than we thought Starlight! We didn’t even think you left the house for anything other than work, never would have imagined our little Star would be so.. Popular! Popular! Popular! Ha..” He slips effortlessly back into his role, pushing away any lingering anxiety and melancholy, sweeping the emotions under the rug to be addressed at a much later time, until eventually the pressure causes a fuse to go out, or a gasket to be blown. Even so, his voice holds a certain tightness, and his movements come across as choppier and tenser than normal. “We don't normally take too much interest in coworkers' love lives! But seeing as it’s the season, and how bright and special our Star is to us, we thought you might need a little help celebrating this year! That's all!” he lets out a small disconcerting laugh before growing quiet and stagnant, you’ve come to realize that in these moments of silence is when he and Moon converse freely. 

Which makes him an easy target. 

You wave a hand in front of his face, testing his awareness, when you’re still met with clouded eyes and a dazed expression you turn to the desk. Grabbing a washable marker and popping the cap off, you once again approach Sun weapon in hand. You only have a few more seconds to work, so you simply choose to write an 8-letter word across the expanse of what would be considered his forehead “Gullible”. Snickering, you step back from the bot, admiring your work. The idea is to drop as many hints as humanly possible, after all, you would be asking them to be your valentines before your shift ends, might as well have a bit of fun with the build-up. 

When Sun fronts he straightens, a new emotion hidden behind half-lidded eyes, envy. Whatever he and Moon discussed, you can already tell it's gonna get you into trouble. “So,” He starts, “Sunshine.” His voice is laced with an undertone of apathy, “Moon and I  have discussed it, why don’t you bring your date here? We could make it a night to remember.” The sharpness in his voice definitely promises a memorable evening, just not in a way that would get you a second date, hell, probably not even a full first one. A thin smile is taut against his face as he speaks again, “What are their names? How long have you known them? Do you think it’s love? Are they your friends? Did they ask you first? How did they do it? Did they get you flowers? Are you dating? Do you want to date them? Do they have a stable income? Do they make you smile? Have they made you cry?” Sun’s eyes almost feel as if they’re burning holes into yours, pelting you with an onslaught of questions, questions you didn’t have answers to. It doesn’t help that as he continues to speak his words almost become covetous and condescending towards your imaginary dates.

You hold up a hand, prompting Sun to stop speaking. He quiets with a small huff, breaking eye contact to fiddle with the ribbons around his wrists while he waits for answers to questions he doesn’t really want to be answered. After all, the more he knows, the more this situation becomes real, and the more he has to accept that you really are as unobtainable as he and Moon originally believed you to be. You probably shouldn't find this amusing, but their blatant interrogation is oddly endearing. With a deep inhale, you stuff down the urge to poke fun, choosing instead to pull an answer or thirteen out your ass. 

You chuckle, awkwardly scratching your cheek "Gonna be honest Sunny, I missed about half of those questions.." you make a face, scrunching it up as if you're trying to recall while you stall for a bit more time. "Their names are… Ray… and.. Mani.." You say less than smoothly, like you totally didn't just look at Sun's rays and pull some obscure name that means Moon out of no where. "I've known them.. funnily enough just about as long as I've been working here. I run into them on shift sometimes." Sun's eye twitches at that last bit, an invader, a thief, in his own home, how devastating. 

You continue, "I'd say we're really close, they're probably both some of my best friends. They haven't asked yet.. but I can tell they want to, I'm actually gonna ask them today." Sun's expression is beginning to morph into a Glower as he readjusts his skirt frills for the umpteenth time. "We're not dating, but, I wouldn't mind having them as partners.. they.. both have jobs.. but they don't get paid.." you hesitate a bit, goosebumps ghosting over your arms as you feel the iciness of the animatronic's utter disapproval. 

Oh boy, that was definitely not something Sun wanted to hear. How are they going to support you? How dare they make you the main breadwinner, you already work yourself too hard as it is. There's no way these two incompetent fools could ever treat you right.

"What kinda names are Ray and Mani anyway, they sound like losers." Moon's voice echoes through the headspace. 

"EXACTLY! Losers, bet they wouldn't even remember Dewdrop's favorite color." Sun claps back.

"The nerve" the lunar AI grunts.

"We absolutely have to do something, it's our right." Says Sun.

"As their best friends" Moon responds.

"AS THEIR BEST FRIENDS." They agree. 

And so, Operation: Prove that Ray and Mani are complete trash and get Starlight to fall madly in love with us. Was formed. How would they do so? Obviously they need to first convince you to take your dates here for valentines day, after a bit of passive-aggressive button pushing they'll get them to crack and show their true colors. Then, when they break your sweet, sweet, heart they'll be there to console you, effectively sweeping you off your feet and BANISHING the two from ever stepping foot in the daycare. It's the perfect plan, nothing, aside from the 62.81% chance of failure, could go wrong. But, Sun was never one for statistics, he preferred to believe that when something is meant to be, things will just work out swimmingly. So he wasn't worried. Moon on the other hand, was worried. Not enough to ditch the idea, but he could acknowledge that this isn't their brightest light bulb moment, and the odds aren't exactly in their favor. 

Regardless they both cross their fingers, and hope somehow this all works out.  

"Sun?" 

I mean, how hard could it be to convince you? It's clear they would be a far better valentines day date than these.. these..

"Sun!" 

Dirty stinkin' Starlight snatchers!! 

"SUN!!"

The animatronic jumps, startled back into reality, he leans forward head tilted towards you. 

"You good Sunshine?? Normally you respond quicker than that, you and Moon must be really getting into it in there. You're clutching the desk so hard the paper is ripping-" sure enough when Sun looks down at his hands the pink paper beneath his fingertips has been contorted. 

"Ha… how.. Did that happen? Must've been a bug.. Moon will have to take a look later..." He smooths the bunches out, opening a small compartment in his shoulder to dispense several strips of tape to fix his mistake. "Anyway, Starlight, I think I may have gotten distracted with Moon for a moment or two." He finishes the repair, closing the compartment with a whack of his fist. "Now. Where were we? Ah yes, your dates. Please. Continue." His words come out with a taste of venom, whether it was intentionally placed or not. You pause for a moment, unsure if continuing this joke is a good idea. But you've come this far, there's no turning back, you have to double down. 

"Well.. they make me smile.. even when they're not around, they're silly, clever, charismatic, understanding, loving.. I don't think I've ever been as happy as I am when they're near.. Mani has the most beautiful singing voice, and Ray is probably the most talented dancer I've ever had the pleasure of dancing with. They're both, just.. wow.. You should see them with kids, it's like a superpower, really." The fondness in your voice causes Sun to shiver, your face is so soft, eyes full of complete admiration.. He has to wonder, what it'd be like if you looked at him the same way.. With those pink cheeks and that shimmering gaze.. he watches as you bite your lip, pursing.  He reaches out unconsciously, cupping your cheek like it were made of porcelain, stroking it gently with his thumb. "S-sun..?" You call, a bit redder than you were seconds ago. 

"Oh!" He retracts his hand like your skin was hot to the touch, grasping it with his other as if he didn't entirely trust himself not to do it again. "I apologize Star.. I'm not sure where I went just now. I didn't hurt you did I?" Concern and what seems to be guilt is etched into his faceplate. 

You frantically shake your head "No no! Not at all. I'm perfect, just peachy, see, all smiles.." to make a point you exaggerate a smile doing your best to convince. Sun simply nods, clenching his hand experimentally. "Are you sure you're alright Sun..? Did you forget to charge last night? Maybe you should go upstairs and rest before the daycare opens.." You do your best not to sound too concerned, was this your fault..? Did you upset them? Ugh, of course you'd manage to over complicate something that was supposed to be straightforward. The weight of Sun's hand against your shoulder is enough to pull you from your less than kind thoughts. 

He smiles giving your shoulder a pat, "I'm alright Sunbeam, just a bit lost in thought. You'll have to forgive me for being so spacey this morning. Hehe~" Sun wiggles his brows, pleased with his crafty wordplay. 

"You did not." You stare blankly back at the animatronic in question. 

"Oh ho ho~ but I did." Sun grins smugly, there's an unspoken challenge behind that smirk. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Annnnnd thats all I have down. If you read this far, thank you! I really appreciate it! ^w^

[bedlamsbard]

Writing tag game -- tagged by @lessattitudemorealtitude

how many works do you have on Ao3?

Discounting podfic on which I’m listed as a co-author, 24.  My concept writing doesn’t go to AO3 and the vast majority of my Narnia fic was never cross-posted there.  (Or reposted there, actually, I think most of it pre-dates the AO3.)

what’s your total Ao3 word count?

1,050,810.  oh, huh, I didn’t actually realize I’d passed the one million word mark (probably with Crown).

what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all of these ended up being Star Wars, which is not a huge surprise.  Morning will probably reach Dirt in the next couple of updates, I’d guess.

Immutable, or, Five Times Obi-Wan Kenobi Compromised His Jedi Ethics for Anakin Skywalker -- this is not the oldest Star Wars fic on there, but I think it’s the second oldest. people just really like 5 times fic.

Wake the Storm - did you know that when I started Wake I assumed it was a very niche trope in what was, at the time, a pretty dead fandom? the kudos count on Wake actually outnumbers Gambit by more than 1600 kudos, so the number of people who go from Wake to Gambit is a lot lower than you might think.

Queen's Gambit - a significantly lower kudos count than Wake or Immutable.  Gambit’s such a weirdo of a story, tbh, I can’t be surprised by anything about Gambit anymore.

On the Edge of the Devil's Backbone - about 600 kudos less than Gambit, so less difference between Gambit and Backbone than between Wake and Gambit.

Dirt in the Machine - another older fic.  I’d rewrite this one if I cared enough to do so, because it’s not at my current standards (Immutable isn’t either, for that matter) and I kind of wince every time I get comments on it.  this is the first one of the top five to have below 1K kudos.

do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I’ll usually respond to direct questions, but I very, very seldom respond to comments in general.  This is an old standing policy of mine that’s now more than a decade old -- it used to be I’d wait twenty-four hours before responding, then I’d respond right before the next chapter went up, and for a while I’d only respond to comments on the first few chapters of a story.  Now I just mostly do not.  The reasons for this are: (1) many, many years ago, I lost my temper pretty badly at a comment on a fic of mine (this was pre-AO3, this was back in my LJ days), and after that I moved to the “wait twenty-four hours” response so I didn’t say anything without thinking about it, (2) I do go back and reread comments but I hate rereading my own responses, (3) I prefer to know the comments numbers on my fic are all from actual comments and not from me saying “thanks for reading!”, (4) I can’t take that kind of responsibility for answering every single comment, man.

what’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Of stuff I’ve written in the past ten years? (I can’t really remember before that.)  Maybe Backbone, because it ends on that pretty upbeat “yay team we’re going to be rebels now!” note.  or Devil’s in the Details (other side part 1), though I don’t really want to consider it a finished fic even though it’s technically finished; it has another “yay team we’re back together (minus Ezra)” ending.  I tend to end on complicated and reasonably open endings, not like...happy endings.

what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

probably Gambit for the “everything is super fucked up” factor and also the fact that I never wrote the sequel. plus it ended with the entire Wake trio split up in a whole new universe, plus back in the Gambitverse Amidala not able to go back to Naboo, Ahsoka shunned, Palpatine’s new empire, Rex trapped in the Gambitverse, etc.

do you write crossovers?

I did in my Narnia days. I don’t anymore. Working in widespread fandoms like Star Wars or the MCU is basically like writing crossover fic within the same universe, anyway.

have you ever received hate on a fic?

*hysterical laughter*

...yes. yes I have. it’s the reason every time I get a comment notification on Gambit or Wake I freeze in absolute terror. people HATE Wake and Gambit.  I hate to say never, but I will probably never write those characters or in that series again.

do you write smut? if so, what kind?

not really?  I’ve done relatively non-explicit sex but it’s not something I’m super comfortable writing, especially in recent years. I’m much more likely to do a fade to black.

have you ever had a fic stolen?

I think Gambit got scraped once when it was still in progress and my response was something along the lines of “good luck, bro,” given the whole “still in progress” thing.

have you ever had a fic translated?

I’ve gotten a couple of translation requests but I can’t recall if anything’s ever been translated.  (Or if I responded to them...I know a few I forgot to respond.)

have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, back in my Narnia days.  Some SW concept writing and that ended so badly that I’ll never co-write again.

what’s your all-time favourite ship?

Kanan/Hera, of course!

what’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

gods, Dust in the Air, my Narnia Last Battle AU.  Back when I started it in 2008 or so I didn’t have the self-control or discipline I do now, even if I had a lot of the worldbuilding ability and the ability to conceive of if not execute long plot arcs, and I broke off more than I could chew.  If I ever went back to it I’d probably have to do a complete rewrite and it has the unique problem among my WIPs of being the last major fic I wrote in present tense -- I now write exclusively in past tense.  The bones of the story are good, I’d just have to go back to the bones and not just pick up where I left off.

what are your writing strengths?

Plot, worldbuilding/environment, action.  I also do genuinely think I’m very good at characterization too, but I think they’re all inter-related.  (Except the action, that’s me alone.  I love writing action and I generally get a lot of compliments on my action scenes.)  look, I know it’s conceited, but I’m good and I know I’m good, and I’m good in a pretty well-rounded way for the genre I write.

what are your writing weaknesses?

brevity. can’t do it.

honestly, there are others, but I don’t write stories where they’d come up.  I think I have a tendency to get to bogged down in dialogue in a way that I’ve never quite solved.  I also let my emotions take over too much and not in the good fannish way, in the “I’m having a fucked up relationship with canon or fandom and it’s affecting my ability to work” way.

what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

please stop having your Asgardians speak Latin for magic, man, that’s my feeling on it.

okay, my feelings on it for me -- I’ve sprinkled bits and pieces of Huttese, Twi’leki, and tee-tiny bits of other stuff here and there in fic.  I’d not be comfortable doing more than that because the only other language that I really feel comfortable doing anything significant in is Latin, and even then I’d hesitate. also, like, Latin! not a language that comes up in the fandoms I write in.  even then, like -- any extended dialogue should be intelligible to the audience, and I don’t expect my audience to be able read anything other than English; I’d rather just say “they switched to Twi’leki to say” or something similar.

what was the first fandom you wrote for?

like, online? Harry Potter. for things that I didn’t post online because I didn’t know what fic was yet? probably either The 10th Kingdom or The Mummy.

what’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

On the Edge of the Devil’s Backbone.  I think it’s the best thing I’ve ever written, I think it’s the most tightly plotted, I think it’s got the best worldbuilding, I think it’s remarkably consistent thematically, and it was, at the time, a fic that I was very devoted to finishing or dying trying, because I was going through it at the time and some of it was connected to the fic.

I don’t tag people, but please go for if you want!

[stilesssolo]

baby I’ll come back to you: coming soon

Well folks, since my current wip, where the wild things are, is winding down (there’s only one chapter left WHAT) and I’m taking off March/ early April from posting anything to focus on finishing up my remix fic(s) on time, I wanted to share a sneak peek of my next wip (mostly just so I could show off @dragonanddirewolf​‘s BEAUTIFUL beautiful art.) So here it is: the long-awaited Jonas Brothers au (sorta), which I hope to start posting in late April. I am really excited to start working on this fic, and even more excited to share it with everyone! Hopefully this little preview intrigues you and gets you as excited to read it as I am to write it! And tides you over while y’all wait for my next update, since I am incapable of really working on more than one project at a time. WHOOPS. Anyways, here it is, so enjoy!!

It feels like it’s been a bloody age since he’s actually seen both Robb and Theon in the same room. 

He spots them the moment he steps into the coffee shop, even though they’re tucked away in a back corner, away from prying eyes. Jon keeps his head down as he maneuvers through the crowded café, sunglasses still on even inside, just in case people are looking his way. It’s an old habit he has yet to break— out of the three of them, he certainly gets recognized the least nowadays, which is probably why all the tabloids claim he’s fallen off the face of the planet. Theon’s been doing movies, Robb was in a new band and is married to probably the most famous woman in the world, and Jon— well. He’s been living, best he can. Getting better, all of that bullshit. But truly, he hasn’t done anything like his brothers have in the past five years, so people don’t recognize him as much. Enough to squint at him in an I-know-you’re-famous way, but not enough to rush him like they do Robb whenever he steps foot outside his house. He outgrew his nineteen-year-old baby face and started tying his hair back, and all of a sudden it’s like he’s wearing a mask. 

Jon’s not sure how much longer that will last, though, because he has a feeling he knows why Robb’s asked them to meet him here today. 

“Jon,” he hears that familiar voice call, and he nods towards the two men at the back table, head still down. The last thing they need is the paps recognizing them, starting to spread rumors about the three of them all together again. 

“Hi,” Jon says, slipping into the booth, finally taking off his sunglasses. Light from outside streams in through the large windows, the busy sprawl of King’s Landing right before them. Theon slaps him on the arm in greeting; Robb smiles at him in that way he does now. That way that looks like everything’s fine, but where the light doesn’t quite meet his eyes. 

Gods, he can’t remember the last time his brother actually looked truly happy to see him. Probably before their last tour. 

He knows why, of course. Robb would never say it, but Jon knows that he blames him for the breakup. For everything. 

“Bloody hells, Jon, it’s been an age,” Theon says, grinning at him. “Where’ve you been?” 

“I’ve been here,” he responds, crossing his arms. “You’re the one who was off filming that movie for three months.” 

“Aye, how did that go?” Robb asks, gaze turning to Theon, that guarded look disappearing. “I haven’t seen you since you got back. You missed Rose’s birthday party, you know.” 

“I know,” Theon grumbles. “I’ll make it up to her, I promise. I have to maintain my favorite uncle status.” 

They chat for a while— mundane things, catching up. Theon tells them about the movie he’d just wrapped on. Robb shows them both a million new photos of his children. Jon keeps quiet, just listening. It’s… nice, to be back with both of them, the warm sunlight spilling in through the window, making Robb’s eyes shine like they used to when he was younger. It makes him forget, for a moment. Wish for those days back, when the three of them would spend every moment of their time writing music, pouring their hearts and souls into their careers. It was something so fleeting and magical, he’s not really sure he’ll ever find anything like that again. 

Jon realizes he’s lost track of the conversation when Theon clears his throat, looking at the two of them almost nervously, in a decidedly un-Theon-like way. “I’m glad we did this,” he says to them, “because I wanted to tell you both.” He pauses, looking at Robb, as if trying to gauge his best friend’s reaction before he even says anything. “I’m going to ask Sansa to marry me.” 

Robb’s eyes get comically wide, so much that Jon chuckles, ducking his head. But it only takes his brother a moment to recover, before he’s grinning widely, eyes sparkling in a way Jon hasn’t seen them in a long time. 

Or maybe that’s just because Jon seldom sees Robb anymore. 

“Wow,” Robb says, almost speechless. “That’s— that’s brilliant, Theon. Congratulations!” 

“Well, I haven’t asked her yet,” Theon says, giving Robb a look. “Don’t go cursing me or something now. She’ll go on and say no.” 

“You think she would?” Jon asks. Theon shrugs. 

“I don’t really, but— hells, I don’t know.” He gives Robb a look. “How did you know it was right when you asked Margaery?” 

Robb huffs in laughter. “Oh gods, don’t take advice from me on that,” he says, raising his hands in surrender. 

“What do you mean?” Theon demands. “You’re the only one of us who’s bloody married!” 

Jon looks down as the sudden feeling of coldness creeps in, like an icy dagger to the heart. Memories flash before his eyes, and he’s trapped back in the past, glimpses of hair like moonlight and teasing smiles dragging him down, drowning him. 

He still has that diamond ring somewhere— buried in the back of a drawer, probably, where he won’t stumble upon it. Seeing it is too painful, but getting rid of it— well. That’s painful in an entirely different way. 

“Aye, but Margaery made it easy for me,” Robb says. “She wrote a whole bloody album that basically told me she was waiting for me to ask her.” He laughs, shaking his head. “Y’know I still get asked if I married her with paper rings.” 

At that, Jon snorts, a little of the darkness lifting. He’s seen his goodsister’s engagement ring, and it is certainly not made of paper. 

Jon tunes out as Robb continues on, reassuring Theon. He doesn’t realize he’s being addressed until both men are staring at him expectantly. 

“Sorry, what?” he says, and Robb rolls his eyes amiably. 

“I asked, what have you been doing, Jon?” Theon repeats, and Jon shifts uncomfortably. Nothing, is really the most honest answer. Working out. Walking Ghost. Trying to keep his mind occupied and himself sober. 

It’s probably sad, to look at his life now, compared to what it used to be. When he was nineteen years old he was touring the world, singing for millions of fans, writing songs every single minute of every single day. Music was most of his life. And now he’s just— trying to get by, he supposes. It’s sad, but it’s what he’s become accustomed to. Just… making it through the day, one day at a time. 

“Er, not much,” he admits. “Not like you two, anyways.” 

Robb glances up at him, that guarded look back in his eyes. “Arya told me you’ve been writing again,” he says, quietly. Jon curses mentally— he never should have told her that. 

“Fuckin’ tattletale,” Jon grumbles. But he can tell from Robb’s expression he’s not going to drop it. “Aye, I have been,” he admits, heaving a sigh. “Not anythin’ good. Just… I dunno. I missed it, I guess.” 

“I miss it too,” Theon says, a smile tugging at his lips. “Acting is fine, but music… it’s something different, isn’t it?” 

“Aye, it is,” Robb agrees. “Margaery’s been workin’ on her next album, and it makes me think back to then. When we’d just crowd around the table in Mum and Dad’s living room, and Jon would come up with a lyric, and Theon would just hear how it should sound, and we’d write a song in an afternoon.” He sighs, a little wistfully, looking down. “Watching Margaery at the piano, it just…” 

“Feels like a part of you is missing,” Theon supplies. 

Jon doesn’t answer, but he knows what they mean. Maybe that’s why he began songwriting again. Not because he wants to have a music career anymore— just because it’s so ingrained in him, he doesn't really know what to do with himself if he’s not making music. And if he’s being honest, writing down lyrics, coming up with a melody on the guitar or the piano that mainly just collects dust in his living room… there’s a comforting familiarity to it. Like maybe his sense of self hasn’t been completely destroyed. Maybe some of the old person he used to be is buried down deep. 

“Do you ever think about it?” Theon asks, and Robb’s brow furrows. “Y’know. The possibility of… us. Getting back together.” 

Robb exhales slowly. “More than I should,” he says. “I… it’s really hit me, in the past few years. How much I miss it. And doing things by myself, or with other people, it’s just not the same.” 

“Aye,” Jon agrees, both Theon and Robb looking a little surprised at the fact that he’s participating in this conversation voluntarily. But he knows what Robb means. He did solo things after the breakup, just because he didn’t know how to do anything else. And it had been a lackluster replacement, nothing like he’d felt for the almost seven years he and Robb and Theon were together. 

“What about you, Jon?” Robb asks, and as casual as his brother may be trying to appear, Jon knows him better than that. He can hear the apprehension in his voice. And the hope. 

Jon exhales, trying to sort out his words in his head before he says something he regrets. “I… do miss it,” he says. “And sometimes I think about it. Gettin’ back together. But I always…” He hesitates. “Would it even be the same? Can we have that again, truly? Or was it just some miracle we stumbled upon we can’t get back?” 

“I wonder that too,” Theon admits. “If we got back together— would anyone even care? Would anyone want to listen to our music in the first place?” 

“I know what you mean,” Robb says, and his blue eyes flash with determination, desperation. Like he’s clinging onto this with all his might. “But I miss making music with you two. And I think if we truly did this, we couldn’t worry about the fans, or the people. We’d have to do it just for us.” 

Just for us, Jon thinks, trying not to roll his eyes. That’s a novel thought in Hollywood. All he seemed to do when they were a band was give and give and give himself away. Nothing here was ever just for him. 

Well… there was her. But now that’s gone as well. 

“I would do it,” Theon says, with a conviction that surprises Jon. “It would be hard, and who bloody knows what would even come of it, but I would. If this is you asking, Robb, then I say yes.” 

Robb blinks, a little taken aback, but then Theon’s words really seem to hit him, and he smiles. A laugh falls from his lips, eyes shining in a way that Jon rarely sees anymore. 

“What about you, Jon?” Theon asks, and that’s when Robb’s eyes dim. 

Jon sighs. “I dunno,” he says. “That’s… a big decision. I’d like to just say yes, but…” 

“I know,” Robb says. “And I don’t want you to say yes unless you really mean it, Jon. If you just… do this for us, nothing will end well.” 

His eyes drop down to the coffee table, heart heavy. Yes, he knows that’s true. Because isn’t that how it all blew up the first time? Jon couldn’t do it anymore, and instead of telling anyone, he soldiered on for Robb and Theon. For his brothers. And it all ended in fucking disaster. 

“I’ll think about it,” he promises, and the sincerity in his voice takes him by surprise as much as it does Robb and Theon. “Truly, I will.” 

Maybe it’s not a bad idea. He loved making music with Robb and Theon. It was his entire life for so long— some crazy dream they somehow made come true. The most surreal, incredible thing in the world, right there before them. And he does miss it. He misses having a purpose, an outlet, an… anything. He misses the time when his life wasn’t an endless void, a monotonous parade of going through the motions day-to-day, trying to learn to move on from something he never really thinks he’ll be over. 

Robb’s smile is warm when it meets his, and Theon claps him on the shoulder, looking uncharacteristically hopeful. And for a moment, Jon’s heart feels light, not like it’s made of iron, still heavy in his chest after nearly seven years. 

But then Robb’s expression shifts, and his stomach sinks once again. 

“There’s somethin’ else,” his brother admits. “Sansa just told me. And I figured you’d rather hear it from us, than see it plastered across all the tabloids in King’s Landing.” 

“What is it?” Jon asks, dread filling his stomach. He just knows, somehow, that this is it. This fragile peace he’s tried to build these past years is about to shatter, the rug pulled out from under him. 

Robb exhales, like he has to physically force the words out, and Jon prepares himself for the fallout.

“Dany’s back in town.” 

And with that, the world stops spinning.

[tlbodine]

So I Tried Feeding Some Horror to an AI, and it Didn’t Like It

A friend sent me this link to play with: https://app.inferkit.com/demo

You can feed this bot a short passage of text, and it’ll try to complete it. I figured I’d start with a couple lines from my current WIP: 

By the time Silas had finished with his morning stroll — blessedly solitary this time, with no more surprises on the shore — and emerged fully dressed and freshly shaved from the bathroom, Moira was up and decent. She had changed into proper clothes and done her hair, although she’d been lazy with the makeup. She was now happily wearing a long blue dress with three-quarter sleeves and a deep V-neck. The choice of clothing was a change from the casual cardigans and jeans she’d been wearing for the past week, but it was still not what she’d considered to be appropriate for what she had in mind. 

 “You’re thinking the same as me,” he announced, arching his eyebrows. 

 “I know what you’re thinking, but I can’t imagine why.”

 “Good. I don’t want to be overwhelmed by all the cliches.”

The bold text is what I submitted, the rest was provided by the AI. It seems this AI has romance on the brain. I do enjoy that self-awareness about cliches. But okay, fine, it’s confused about the wider context, that’s not playing fair. Let’s give it something horrifying to look at: 

If I hadn't had so many photographs in front of me to compare, I might not have recognized him. His flesh was sallow and waxy, pulled tight over his skull. His sunken eyes were dark and empty, his lips peeled back from yellow teeth. Most of his nose was missing; in its place was an ugly gash, twin jagged holes like something had gnawed off the skin and plucked out its cartilage. 

 Gambier's first victim, on 9 July 2011. An autopsy revealed scars on his legs suggesting that he'd had an amputation at some point. | Center for Investigative Reporting 

Gambier had pulled up a corner of the sheet, exposing his chest, where he had a tiny, smoldering ember of a cigarette between his index and middle finger, or perhaps between his middle and ring fingers. It was the same sort of cigarette that he'd been lighting when the paramedics had arrived, but

Interesting. I give it a zombie, it gives me back a coroner’s report. I’m also very amused by the fixation on Gambier’s cigarette, here. I wouldn’t recommend smoking under a sheet, buddy. And which fingers were you holding it between exactly? And if you’re killing people why are you still smoking at the crime scene after? I have many questions. 

But, fine. Let’s try something else? How about a bit from The Hound? 

Having eaten his fill, the dog turned away from the corpse. He turned, moving easier now, his body as loose and languid as smoke. In two easy strides, the dog passed Nat and into the yard beyond. He smelled of sulfur and the sick-sweet scent of decay. 

It was a smell that made even the boy shiver. The dog stretched, then followed the path out of the yard, taking its time over his leaving. 

 *** 

 Charlie closed the door and looked around the kitchen. Something about it reminded him of his time in the hospital with his mom, but it wasn't just that. There was something in that kitchen, some life, that lent it a weird familiarity. Something more than the same old one wall, same old floor, same old counters. Something that wasn't quite the same,

Now, this is interesting. The AI seems to have picked up that there should be something weird/uncanny/creepy, but it can’t figure out what to do with the dog or any of the other set pieces in play so it just strong-armed it into a new narrative instead. 

What if I make it witness a murder? 

Her mouth hung open, pulled into a slack "o" of surprise, and her eyes went wide. Confusion flared, then her gaze hardened, went glassy and distant. Dark blood gurgled out from between her lips, and her knees went weak, collapsing out from under her. But she did not fall. Instead, she stayed in place, weightless now, suspended like a fish on the ebb and flow of the tide. 

 I sat up. "How... how long have I been out?" 

 Tamsin's voice was a mere rasp, a barely audible whisper. She still looked about a million years old, though. Her brown hair was knotted into knots at her nape and shoulders, and her skin had taken on an ashen grey tinge. "Um...," I said. 

 "It has been five minutes since I last gave you medical treatment," said the old woman. "Five minutes, since you last ate or drank, five minutes, since you last laid down on a

There’s a lot going on here. The AI’s just going to skip right over the part at the beginning, and I have a lot of questions about the paragraph it offered me. Intrigued by this Tamsin figure with her knotty-knotted hair and ashy skin; more intrigued by the narrator’s apparent short-term-memory loss. If you can’t remember eating five minutes ago your head trauma is probably pretty bad, homeboy. 

But fine, fine, maybe the murder wasn’t explicit enough...

From the ground, it was easy to see how the trap had been laid. A deadfall rigged to the door. When the door opened, swinging outward, it triggered the pendulum free-fall of the weighted axe, the sharpened blade of which was now buried deep in the back of Abby's skull. The shadow slowly vanished back into the room behind them. One last scream cut through the air, wavering in and out of existence like a confused cloud before it finally came to an end.

 All of the sounds were now drowned out by a sort of loud and low rumbling that sounded like an earthquake. The floor and walls of the room started moving, the dust in the air raising up slowly as it became apparent to Red that they were no longer trapped. All that they could do now was watch.

 The Shadow

Well, hey, that’s progress. The AI figured out we’re writing a scary thing! I think. I do love “wavering in and out of existence like a confused cloud.” I also enjoy that they are no longer trapped, yet all they can do is watch. I feel like if I discovered that I was no longer trapped, I would want to run, but that’s just me. 

Anyway. I don’t think this AI very much likes my murders :( 

Give it a try to see if you fare any better. Reblog with your best AI-completed passage, if you want!

[sasskarian]

Fanfic Masterpost ... sort of

In honor of Fanfic Appreciation, I put together a list of my fics for anyone who’d like to look 

Under the cut, because length

Dragon Age:

After the Glitter Fades (Glitterverse):  Hawke x Fenris, modern AU. (Long fic, WIP) Hawke and Fenris are movie stars in a torrid love affair. Fenris has a mysterious past. Also Cassandra is investigating a murder mystery? Varric, as ever, is a delight. (*this is borrowed from @nug-juggler‘s excellent and shorter summary!)

Memorable quote:   Fenris observed candidly was something sacred. For a moment, Hawke fiercely wished she were an artist. The scene in front of her was too… every word she could think of— beautiful, elegant, breathtaking— was trite, a pale description of perfection. 

In the Heart of the Woods: Lavellan x Fairbanks rarepair. (WIP) Inquisitor Lavellan’s heart is broken by a certain Commander, Fairbanks has an appreciation for her, and a love story blooms like elfroot in the Emerald Graves.

Memorable quote:   This kiss, she thinks, two mouths moving in perfect unison, is a spell of its own. Not quite love, not yet, but close enough she can pretend it is. Hope wells up, a solid thrum beating in counterpoint to her heart, and for one perfect moment, the world just bows down and… stands still. All that exists, all that ever has existed or ever will exist is wrapped up right here, right now, in Fairbanks’ lips on hers. Motes of dust turn golden in the sunbeams splashing through the roof, and a touch— his thumb, her cheek— says a million more words than words ever could.

Yesterdays: Surana x Zevran, mild Surana x Alistair pining. Post Origins, complete. A Warden’s sacrifice means something only as long as someone remembers it. A king looks back, balancing regrets with happiness.

Memorable quote:   With a half-sob, he realizes he’s forgotten the sound of her voice. Oh, he remembers how it made him feel, all those years ago, all the glorious, shining moments where happiness dwells still. But what she truly sounded like, what sounds she made as she buried herself in books, the snap of her magic, the low buzz of her and Zevran whispering in their tent, all of that is gone. He knows it happened, but the memory is lit dimly in his mind, a torch burned too low to be flame but not low enough for embers yet.

If You Ever Did Believe (for my sake):  Lavellan x Cullen. (On temporary hiatus) A wary Commander. A lost Dalish mage. Two hearts beating alone and exhausted on a battlefield, their only rest coming from each other.

Memorable quote:   “Does your Maker hate us so much?” Isera asked bitterly, and for a moment, Cullen felt as though years had rippled, bringing his past self— still clanking through the halls of Kinloch Hold in Templar plate— and his current together. He’d asked Ser Greagoir the same question once, after a Harrowing went wrong and the body of a former apprentice lay at their feet. So much potential wasted, so much fear in the mages’ eyes after that. For once, Greagoir had shown a hint of emotion, clapping Cullen’s shoulder briefly before walking away, but hadn’t answered.

Voiceverse:  Lavellan x Solas/Dread Wolf. (WIP) Building off of the great works of @khirsahle and @athreehundredthirtythree. All mages are born with a soulmate--a voice they hear in the darkness of the Fade all their lives. The lucky ones find their soulmates and forge a bond strong enough to threaten the very foundations of the Chantry. At least, that's what they claim. So what happens when a Dalish mage hears the voice of their most reviled and feared god shaping her dreams? 

Memorable quote:   Accompanying the thundering voice, great fissures ruptured around her hiding spot, green light streaking upward as they gathered into a roiling cloud. A wave of raw sound— howls, cries, pleas— rolled over her, forcing her to her knees. Iveani clapped her hands over her ears, losing her own scream among the agony thundering through the Fade. All caution, all her hard-won lessons about walking the Fade, vanished into the back of her mind under the need to simply ride out the explosion and survive.

Mass Effect:

Home is Where You Are: Ryder x Jaal (WIP). Ryder didn’t cross two galaxies and 600 years in search of love. But damn if she didn’t find it anyway.

Memorable quote:   “I should take a shower,” he mumbled, as the same time as Sara said, “Would you like to stay?” Both of them broke off, staring at the other, and she laughed nervously. That feeling was back, the one from the tech lab, fragility and strength and affection turned fierce and bright tumbling over and over one other.

A Song of Sea and Stars: Garrus x Shepard x Thane (WIP). Our favorite turian badboy sees right through the mask the galaxy’s most famous Commander projects. Neither of them expected to fall in love on a host of impossible missions. And both are taken by surprise by a pious Drell who steals both their hearts.

Memorable quote:   (He opens his eyes, shocked how it feels to look into her face, intimate and hungry. He hazily notices that up close, her eyes are thulium-gray. There's a hot, tight knot in his chest and she's pressed so close, he thinks he could count each faint freckle on her face.) (They look like tiny stars.) (…there are twenty-eight on her right cheek. Thirty on her left. And fourteen, right across the bridge of her nose.) (Those are his favorite. They remind him of his own markings.)

the sound of shattering glass: Generic Shepard, post-Tuchanka, pre-Citadel II. The Shroud explodes, taking a beloved friend with it. Shepard only has herself to blame.

Memorable quote:   “Damn Reapers,” he said, striving for nonchalance. “Always throwing us around.” “Banged us up pretty good,” she agreed, and he knew she wasn’t talking about their bumps and bruises. “So what do we do about them?” “Get back on our feet. Keep fighting.” Garrus hummed as she shifted closer, pressed her forehead against his neck. “Maybe find a way to use some really big canons I spend half my time adjusting.”

Star Wars:

He Might Like That: Mandalorian x Cara Dune pining. So they argue. So they took down Gideon, and have a magic green frog baby older than both of them. That doesn’t make them a thing. Does it?

Memorable quote:   He tunes back into the not-so-friendly argument in time to hear Greef splutter. “You trash talked while holding hands! If that’s not flirting, I’m a kowakian monkey lizard.” “It was arm wrestling, not holding hands,” Din points out mildly. 

Star by Star:  Post TRoS. Ben x Rey pining, Finn x Rey x Poe. Can three hopeless idiots in love fill a wound as deep as the death of a dyad? Maybe not, but they’re out to try anyway.

Memorable quote:   “You know,” Poe whispers, a glint of mischief in his eyes, “if we ever did tell him we loved him, he’d probably sleep right through it.” Rey touches her fingers to his lips, tracing the shape of his questioning smile. It’s an invitation to play, that smile. A careful offer of love, of comfort. And though she’s not sure if he can really understand when even she doesn’t, she’s finally ready to try a little. 

Counting The Days (Since Exegol): Finn x Rey x Poe, Ben x Rey. Its been 42 days since Palpatine’s death. 42 long days since she felt the surge of light in Ben Solo. And in her dreams, something whispers on the edge of the Force. But she’s shut it down too tightly to hear it. 

Memorable quote:   True to form, Poe can’t resist the urge to kiss away Finn’s troubles whenever possible, and Rey looks away to give them a moment. Some love stories work out, yes, and she loves Finn and Poe more than almost anything else. But that doesn’t stop the way bitterness floods her mouth as the memory of Ben surfaces, and it isn’t until Poe gently squeezes her knee (and she throttles back the near-instinctive urge to break his fingers from a lifetime of fending off handsy scavengers on Jakku) that she comes back to the moment. His brow furrows and she reaches for him, smoothing out the lines of his frown with her thumb. “I’m okay,” she says, answering his unspoken question. It’s mostly a lie, but she has to say it. Most days, she’s okay enough.

A Language Made for Lovers: SWTOR (NSFW). Torian Cadera x Bounty Hunter, gender neutral. Reflections on love and marriage under the glow of hyperspace.

Memorable quote:   He murmurs in your ear, words that should sound harsh in that still-new tongue scalding your mouth, molding you from aruetii to mandalorian. But the love in his voice softens them, steeps them in warmth and adoration. Still the language of a hunter, of those brave souls willing to be reforged, but with a gentle side, a language reserved for lovers. Words like cyare and riduur, words that mean I love you and forever and home.

Malicious Compliance: SWTOR (NSFW). Malavai Quinn x Sith Warrior, gender neutral. Far away, in an apartment no one knows about, a Sith Lord plays dire games of control... and trust.

Memorable quote:   It takes a man with the courage of an entire fleet of Mandalorians to love a Sith, and oh, how he loves you. Like you hung the moons and the stars and all the spaces between. Like you are his other half, like loving you is his sole purpose in life, does Malavai Quinn love you. Your old masters spoke nothing of this, of this enraging hunger gnawing at your bones and curling into the hollows of your rib cage. ... Is it really even love if you don’t want to devour him just a little?

Misc:

Tumblr Prompts: Grab bag of every fandom and series listed above. Prompts filled originally here on tumblr.

Visual Files: Collections of art and commissions from talented friends and artists here on tumblr.

Every Beautiful Thing: Crimson Peak. Thomas x Edith, Edith x Alan. Edith learned, in the dark halls of Allerdale, not to take ghosts lightly. But still she waits, every year, for a chance to see Thomas again. Until the night their son tells her he can see him too.

Memorable quote:   Snow heralds nothing but pain in Edith’s world: first her mother’s funeral, smothered in fat white flakes wet on her lashes like tears, then her father’s. Smaller ones, then, rain slowly freezing and scattering on the ground; the ones that night at Allerdale were the smallest yet, more ice pellet than snow. Jagged, hateful things scraping at her with a cold that burned through skin and encased bone.…God, how she has come to hate the snow.

Where I Can’t Follow: Co-authored by @suspendnodisbelief. show!Witcher, mild Geralt x Jaskier. (Temporary hiatus) Drawing from a variety of inspiration, including greek mythos. Geralt takes a blow meant for Jaskier, finally granted the death by battle he expects Witchers to end by. And Jaskier is not having it, at all. It’s his turn to save Geralt, even if he has to walk the entire bloody underworld to do it.

Memorable quote: “Geralt, get up. Come on, open your eyes. You’re going to upset Roach if you keep this up, and she’ll bite me. You know you aren’t allowed to be dead, because Yennefer didn’t give you permission, and neither did the Princess, and I’m pretty sure they both outrank you.”  

[callunavulgari]

“Listen to the sound of my heart beat slow Yeah, my heart's like yours, my heart's like yours Listen to the sound, oh it feels like home When our hearts beat slow together.”

Heather’s Top 50 Songs of 2019!

dark night — philip sheppard // curse of the i-5 corridor — neko case // way down we go — kaleo // almost — hozier // dancing in a room — ezi // epic (pt ii) — anais mitchell & justin vernon // spanish sahara — foals // obstacles — syd matters // tom thumb — bitter ruin // wolves of the revolution — the arcadian wild // epic (pt iii) — anais mitchell, justin vernon // the spine — darren korb & ashley barrett // don’t think twice — hikaru utada // face my fears — hikaru utada // waves — chloe moriondo // ashes — bear mccreary // wake up, moving on — kevin penkin // paper boats — darren korb & ashley barrett // call off your ghost — dessa // power over me — dermot kennedy // a future for the krogan — christopher lennertz // mine — bazzi // bite — charlie cunningham // wait for me — andre de shields // birds — imagine dragons & elisa // crazy — patsy cline //  bury a friend — billie eilish // the seed — aurora // eleventh dimension — julian casablancas // sunflower — post malone // what’s up danger — blackway, black caviar // bad guy — billie eilish // elevate — dj khalil // must’ve been — chromeo // dark matter — les friction // lark of my heart — eliza rickman // dancing on my own — robyn //  hungover in the city of dust — autoheart // season of the witch — lana del rey // bird song — juniper vale // paradise valley — honey & the sting // my hallelujah — autoheart // furthest star — dirt poor robins // play dirty — kevin mcallister // it’s quiet uptown — kelly clarkson // pas de deux — michael abels // i got 5 on it — michael abels, luniz, mi // one day more — les mis cast // into the unknown — idina menzel, aurora // show yourself — idina menzel & evan rachel wood

short version | long version | youtube | spotify unwrapped

long version will lead you to the 165 song, 10 hour and 34 minute playlist which i’ve been slowly adding to since january. short version will lead you to what you see here. youtube will lead you to the playlist you see here but... wait for it... on youtube. mostly because i know not everyone has spotify. spotify unwrapped will lead you to a mixture of the long and the short version, which is pretty bloated with austin wintory songs because those are what i listen to when i write or read usually.

the long version is much improved in length from last year, which was 261 songs and 17 hours, but that’s mostly because august through december i was pretty bad at keeping track of the music that caught my attention. whoops.

and under the cut is me ranting about music, like usual. enjoy!

i. dark night || philip sheppard *instrumental*

This was my absolute favorite from the Detroit: Become Human soundtrack. I tended to prefer Kara’s songs most because they were gorgeous and haunting and just plain fantastic. Connor’s songs were mostly listened to while writing for the fandom, but Kara’s songs were what I kept coming back to. ii. curse of the i-5 corridor || neko case So I left home and faked my ID I fucked every man that I wanted to be

Sometime in January, I fell in love with eighteen wheels on an uphill climb, which was a 91k hank/connor wip by blackeyedblonde. Hank’s a trucker. Connor occasionally dabbles in sex work to keep himself alive and moving. But like, it’s so much more than that? Anyway, at some point the author linked to this song. I think it may have been on tumblr, but I fell in love with it and neko case.

iii. way down we go || kaleo Oh, 'cause they will run you down, down 'til the dark Yes and they will run you down, down 'til you fall And they will run you down, down 'til you go Yeah, so you can't crawl no more

Speaking of Detroit: Become Human (sensing a theme?), this fanvideo is one of my favorite things in the world. I had it and a couple other fantastic videos like it playing in the background while writing for the fandom. This video, in fact, is what finally made me go in search of the game. iv. almost (sweet music) || hozier The same kind of music haunts her bedroom I'm almost me again, she's almost you Wasteland, Baby was a thing that happened to me. Which would have already been enough to get it on this list, but I also listened to it on repeat while writing my first DBH fic. v. dancing in a room || ezi I know you notice, notice me I might be broken but it's not showing It's how I'm copin', copin' I don’t actually remember where this one came from. I know that sometime when March is still a bit cold, I listened to a playlist on spotify that I can’t find for the life of me. It had a lot of the songs that are about to come up on it, and before I started exclusively listening to audiobooks while I got ready for work in the morning, I listened to random fantastic playlists. vi. epic (pt ii) || anais mitchell & justin vernon And suddenly Hades was only a man with a taste of nectar upon his lips

Hadestown was also a thing that happened to me. This song makes me fucking weak. All of the lyrics are great, the whole song is gorgeous and haunting and so perfect it hurts, but those lyrics above are just *chefs kiss* vii. spanish sahara || foals Forget the horror here Leave it all down here It's future rust and it's future dust

Sometime during the spring, I played Life Is Strange and had a million and one feelings. I played both options for the ending and each one was gut wrenching in its own way. I think I still prefer the one where Chloe lives, but this song has literally haunted me ever since.

viii. obstacles || syd matters Someday we will foresee obstacles Through the blizzard, through the blizzard And this is the song that plays if you make the other choice. Again, SUPER TRAGIC, but also you know. You get to keep your girlfriend. ix. tom thumb || bitter ruin And I know I'll be burnt, but I can stand a flame or two to catch you

This was one of the songs that I discovered on the mysterious spotify playlist! Something I’d forgotten: I discovered Hadestown off of that playlist. Thanks, mystery playlist. You gave me all the ear worms. x. wolves of the revolution || the arcadian wild You're trapped inside of your own heart It's a spectators sport, just play your part You guessed it - from the mystery playlist. They’re all very reminiscent of the Hadestown soundtrack. Vaguely eerie, kind of haunting, a lot beautiful. Makes you feel like you’re a forest creature living on the edge of the swamp. You know: the aesthetic. xi. epic (pt iii) || anais mitchell & justin vernon Where is the treasure inside your chest? Where is your pleasure? Where is your youth? Where is the man with his hat in his hands? Who stands in the garden with nothing to lose I thought about only including this one instead of including part 2, but in the end I loved both too much to choose. Hadestown, man. I hope it comes to Ohio at some point in the near future. xii.  the spine || darren korb & ashley barrett Fingers tied themselves in knots around the heart It beats in time I see the spine of the world

I have never actually played Transistor, which is fucking tragic because I listened to basically the entire soundtrack over and over again for the entire year. There’s at least one more song from the game on this list, but it is really wonderful. Haunting vocals, perfect for writing or reading or driving.  xiii. don’t think twice || hikaru utada I'm only crying 'cause I never dreamed It'd take this long, it'd take this long Hi, I played Kingdom Hearts 3 this year. And I cried so fucking much. I had some issues with the game, namely how the ending was such a clusterfuck of boss fight after boss fight and emotional character arc resolutions so it all felt kind of rushed? But the gameplay was superb, the selfie thing was ingenious, and I did cry at least six different times while I was stressing my way through fighting boss fights with blurry eyes. xiv. face my fears || hikaru utada Oh, let me face, let me face, let me face my fears Won't be long, won't be long, I'm almost here Watch me cry all my tears

So like, if you care at all you’ve probably already seen it, but the opening cutscene of KH3 was to Face My Fears, and I’m gonna be real honest here - I didn’t like it at first. I moaned and groaned about Skrillex and how it was nothing like Simple and Clean or Passion/Sanctuary. But it grew on me to the point that it was actually my most listened to song this year. Watch me cry all my tears, indeed. xv. waves || chloe moriondo Make me into more than a goner Perhaps a little bit stronger Thicker skin, less needy, And maybe to not bruise so damn easily, but you can't

I don’t remember where I found this song either? Maybe mystery playlist but probably not. Either way, it’s pretty and uh, I too want to slow the world down. xvi. ashes || bear mccreary -instrumental- Man, oh man, let’s talk about how good of a game God of War was. It was so good, guys. The game play was excellent, the world was gorgeous, and the storyline was interesting. And the music went so, so hard. Between Horizon Zero Dawn and the new God of War, I have basically been ruined for all other games. Also, dad protagonists, am I right? xvii. wake up, moving on || kevin penkin -instrumental-

Did not actually realize this was part of a soundtrack to a game? But it’s very lilty. Has that French quirky romcom vibe to it and I listened to the crap out of it in early summer. xviii. paper boats || darren korb & ashley barrett The river always finds the sea So helplessly Like you find me

Another Transistor song. I really love Ashley Barrett’s voice. I should probably at some point play the game. xix. call off your ghost || dessa I hope she makes you happy It's just a lot to ask to watch your future walking past me

This song played during one of the weather segments of Welcome to Night Vale and made me remember how much I absolutely adore Dessa. Her voice is fantastic and I love the way that her songs flow. Also, this song gives me personal feels. xx. power over me || dermot kennedy I wanna be king in your story I wanna know who you are I want your heart to beat for me I have absolutely no idea where I heard this one. It might have been playing on the radio while I was driving somewhere? I played it a lot during the summer.  xxi. a future for the krogan || christopher lennertz -instrumental- It’s been a while since I played Mass Effect, but this song came up on a writing playlist and I have been listening to it ever since.

xxii. mine || bazzi Running circles 'round my mind Even when it's rainy all you ever do is shine

Shrug emoji. 

xxiii. bite || charlie cunningham Stone cold faces let you keep you poisoning your blood Cut you open then you'll see poison in your blood

Also shrug emoji? Most of the time when I’m doing these there’s fandom connatations to half the songs, but these year I wasn’t heavily invested in a whole lot of fandoms so these are mostly just songs I listened to while I was a) driving, b) in the shower, or c) while reading.

xxiv. wait for me || andre de shields Ain't no compass, brother, there ain't no map Just a telephone wire and the railroad track Keep on walking and you don't look back

And here’s the last Hadestown song on the list. It’s just... really good, okay. Really, really good. xxv. birds || imagine dragons & elisa Seasons, they will change Life will make you grow Dreams will make you cry, cry, cry

I think there’s been an Imagine Dragons song on here every year since they came out with Radioactive. This is the only song of theirs I heard this year, but pairing their voice with Elisa’s was fucking genius because this song makes me feel the chorus in my soul. xxvi. crazy || patsy cline You'd love me as long as you wanted And then some day You'd leave me for somebody new I was at a bar, and my friend has just announced that he was getting married to his girlfriend of ten years in Vegas, on a ferris wheel, by an Elvis impersonator. We started listening to Elvis songs to figure out what he’d play, and then we got distracted listening to a bunch of old love songs. This one is more heartbreak than love, but I’ve always loved Patsy’s voice. xxvii. bury a friend || billie eilish Bury a friend, try to wake up

I was really slow to the Billie Eilish train. One of my friends recommended her music and it’s just so chaotic and fantastic that I can’t believe I didn’t fall for it earlier. This song in particular was a Billy Hargrove song for a while.

xxviii. the seed || aurora Feed me sunlight, feed me air In a place where nothing matters Feed me truth and feed me prayer Aurora’s got one of those truly lovely voices. Also I like songs about how the earth should eat humanity.

xxix.  eleventh dimension || julian casablancas 'Cause no one really cares or wonders why anymore Oh, I got music, coming out of my hands and feet and kisses

Back in 2011, when I was still watching Doctor Who, someone made this video which blew my little heart away. I rediscovered this song while we were driving back to Ohio from our annual beach trip and managed to get everyone in the car hooked on it for weeks afterwards.

xxx. sunflower || post malone You're a sunflower I think your love would be too much

Into the Spiderverse! Was so! Good! 

xxxi. what’s up danger || blackway, black caviar I like it all on the edge just like you, ayy I like tall buildings so I can leap off of 'em

So like, that scene, right? The one that had everyone losing their collective shit? I saw gifs before I watched the movie, and goddamn, it lived up to every single expectation I ever had. I made Nick watch it with me, and he groaned a lot because honestly he is not the biggest fan of super hero movies, but even he admitted that it was the best damn Spiderman movie we’d ever seen. It was powerful and clever and heartwarming and funny and the music and animation were both fan-freaking-tastic.

xxxii. bad guy || billie eilish I'm the bad guy, duh Can you believe that I actually didn’t know about this video until @nijuukoo did art? I mean, I’d definitely heard it and liked it before hand, but the fucking video, man. That pic of Vanitas showering Ven in hearts is still the background of my desktop.(It would have been the one of him sitting on Ansem while he’s doing push ups, but it didn’t work with my screen)

xxxiii. elevate || dj khalil I jump off this building to save these civilians My strength and my honor is trusted by children I'm ready and willing to fight all these villains No chaos or killings, my style is so brilliant I really, really liked the music to Into the Spiderverse.

xxxiv. must’ve been || chromeo I must've been high when I met you Out of my mind when I decided to love you

There was a Harringrove fic that I read during the summer that made the connection between this song and modern AU Billy and Steve. I thought it was @lymricks but maybe not. Either way - I listened to this for like three weeks straight while reading about Billy and Steve flirting at the pool. Ha! Found it - you, through half-shut eyes by @brawlite.

xxxv. dark matter || les friction Bring me your soul, bring me your hate In my name you will create Bring me your fear, bring me your pain You will destroy in my name

There was an Outsider fanvid. I tripped over it.

xxxvi. lark of my heart || eliza rickman Lark of my heart - dance in the dark and say you love me Lark of my heart - right from the start and say you love me

This one was another that I found on a random playlist while I was reading and I just love the rhythm of the song. I sat right up and favorited that sucker before I lost it.

xxxvii. dancing on my own — robyn I'm just gonna dance all night I'm all messed up, I'm so outta line Stilettos on broken bottles I'm spinning around in circles Okay. Okay, okay, okay. So there was that tumblr post that went around a while back where a bunch of subway riders who just got back from a Robyn concert started singing while waiting for the train and I just. It makes me so fucking happy. Like, I remember the night I clicked on that video. I’d never heard the song before, but I didn’t need to because the level of fucking joy and unity in that video literally brought tears to my eyes. Sometimes, humans are fucking beautiful.

xxxviii. hungover in the city of dust || autoheart We’re hungover in the city of dust So let our minds run round in circles While we figure it all out

I really adore autoheart. They did Sailor Song, which was on my Top Songs post last year and honestly, according to the plays on spotify, probably should have still been on my list this year, but alas - this is the abridged version. Every song I’ve heard from them I’ve loved. The entire bridge makes me shiver, it’s just so wonderfully executed.

xxxix. season of the witch || lana del rey You've got to pick up every stitch, The rabbits running in the ditch, Oh no, must be the season of the witch In October I watched Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark and it was super spooky and really great and probably one of the best movies I saw this year? But like, also this cover by Lana del Rey was the best damn thing about it. Someone made a witchy video that was great too but I can’t find it now. xl. bird song || juniper vale Listen to the sound of my heart beat slow Yeah, my heart's like yours, my heart's like yours Listen to the sound, oh it feels like home When our hearts beat slow together

I really like Juniper Vale. I found them last year when I stumbled across their cover of Singing In The Rain, and they churn out some really quality music.

xli. paradise valley || honey & the sting So you'll have to hold me down Could you just hold me down build the levees higher This song was always going to make it to 2019′s list too. It’s just too damn good. Thank you, Wolf 359. You’ve given me a gift that is still giving three years later.

xlii. my hallelujah || autoheart Thought I found a new religion In you who was I kidding There's nowhere to go Except for under quarantine

More Autoheart! Just listen to that melody! That flow! 

xliii. furthest star || dirt poor robins We'll find our hiding place Clear across the Milky Way Beyond the galaxy On the furthest star that we see

This song reminds me a lot of Muse back in their early days. I was half-napping on the couch listening to, you guessed it, a random playlist on spotify, and I liked this song enough to surface from the edges of slumber to favorite it so I could find it again.

xliv. play dirty || kevin mcallister Would you get the Devil this dance? Would you be a part of his plans? Now you got some blood on your hands

There was a fanvid. It was good and basically caught me up on Preacher. The song is also really catchy.

xlv. it’s quiet uptown || kelly clarkson Look at where we are Look at where we started Last year, this was on my list because of an EOS 10 playlist. This year it’s on my list because I still fucking love it. Also I saw Hamilton this year and it was really phenomenal. I cannot get over how good it was.

xlvi. pas de deux || michael abels -instrumental- I watched Us in late October/early November and this entire sequence was really lovely and eerie and just all around fantastic. I loved the mirroring throughout the movie, and it all came together in this stunning confrontation.

xlvii. i got 5 on it || michael abels, luniz, mi I got five on it

Us had a really good soundtrack.

xlviii. one day more || les mis cast One more dawn One more day One day more!

About a month ago I got to see Les Mis in theater and I cried like six or seven times. That is not an exaggeration I was a fucking mess. As much as I’ve adored every musical I have seen up until this point, I have never had a musical affect me the way this one did. It was incredibly powerful and the experience was worth every damn cent.

xlix. into the unknown || idina menzel, aurora Everyone I've ever loved is here within these walls I'm sorry, secret siren, but I'm blocking out your calls

Like, I know it’s cool to hate on Frozen because it got so popular, but Idina Menzel is a queen with the voice of an angel and I’m sorry, but the movies were good. Also, Elsa is very, very pretty and this shit was very, very gay. 

l. show yourself || idina menzel & evan rachel wood Come to me now Open your door Don't make me wait One moment more

Sorry, I don’t make the rules. Elsa gets all the best numbers. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, folks. Happy listening.

[ladililn]

Fic in Review 2018

I was tagged by @schweetheart​! This is a bit late because I didn’t think I necessarily had (or have ever had) enough fic published in one year to be able to fill this out in a remotely satisfying way, but you know what? Who cares!

Total Number of Completed Stories: Um...it depends? The three fics I wrote in the endgame ‘verse are all technically completed, but they’re really part of a whole that is not yet completed. Except they are also standalone. It’s very important that they are both at once. They are my Schrödinger’s Fics.

SO I guess the correct answer is two, for the bitty ficlets I wrote for @arthur-of-the-pendragons​‘s Kiss Fest, except even that is a bit of a cheat, because one of those ficlets I wrote in 2017 and just sort of dusted off and slapped on a fresh coat of paint.

Total Word Count: 57,681! Fun fact: I wrote 0 published words of fanfiction between January 1 and September 16 of 2018. What an amazing fiscal literary quarter to go out on.

Fandoms Written In: All Merlin this year!

Looking back did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expect: I don’t know that I ever really have particular expectations, because my fic output has varied wildly throughout lo these many years I’ve been in fandom. I guess more, if we’re just going to judge by that last quarter of the year.

What’s your own favourite story of the year?: Gosh oh golly, I don’t know! Is it cheating if I just say endgame ‘verse? I’m just really pleased to be exploring the whole AU of the AU thing, which is really a creative response to how I feel about the multiplicity and plurality of Merlin and Arthur’s story as I’ve experienced it, i.e. as much (if not more) through fic (and other fannish transformations) as through the show. Plus, this ‘verse, these versions of Arthur and Merlin and their particular history and dynamic, has existed in some form (many forms!) in my brain since maybe 2011, shifting and rearranging like a kaleidoscope, and I’m just really very fond of them.

Did you take any writing risks this year?: I think “writing and publishing fanfic of my own fanfic” is a risk. Allowing myself to publish things that don’t feel significant or weighty enough, or aren’t polished as shinily as I’d like them, is a personal risk I’m very glad to have taken. Writing more porn! Or I guess publishing more porn, really.

Do you have any fanfic goals for the New Year?: Finish/continue working on various shameful WIPs.

Best story of the year: I don’t know?? This seems mightily unfair to ask when I’ve already had to answer favorite.

Most popular story of the year: down came the lightning on me, which I’ve rewarded by making everyone wait months and months for the Grand Finale to resolve the awful Dire Straits and Misunderstandings we left our characters in. For the record: the last chapter is actively in the works.

Story of mine most underappreciated by the universe, in my opinion: I wouldn’t really say any of them, but let’s go with (beard) burn me up, just because it’s one of those rare times I’ve ever written something (relatively) short and it’s actually felt, to me, whole unto itself.

Most fun story to write: Probably also (beard) burn me up, although I did particularly enjoy writing the first morning after scene in an indentation in the shape of you. That one had been in my head for a while. (Oh heck: they’re all fun! I mean, sometimes they’re very challenging, but still.)

Story with the sexiest moment: Given that this is the year I gave unto the people DICK PUPPET, I don’t think I have the right to call anything I wrote actually sexy. I did also give people Arthur with a beard, though, so hopefully that goes some way toward repentance.

Sweetest story: The British Male in Its Natural Habitat makes absolutely no pretense to being anything but straight treacle.

“Holy crap that’s wrong even for you!” story: Nothing I actually wrote and published this year qualifies, I’d say. There’s some stuff brewing, but even that’s more...~edgy~ than wrong, per se. Maybe. WE’LL SEE. (hint: Emrys Enchanted)

Hardest story to write: Honestly, I really struggled through most of looking through your timeline. I don’t know if it’s the addition of the whole telephone angle that made it feel like the biggest departure from the other fics in the series, or if it’s just a case of diminishing returns where each fic has felt harder to write than the last, but it felt like wading through mud at times.

Biggest disappointment: Hmm. I don’t know. I guess it’s always something of a disappointment when I find myself slipping into my Kudos-Devouring Validation Monster form, which certainly still happens, though I try not to let it.

Biggest surprise: The response to endgame ‘verse! I really didn’t know how people would feel about the very premise of it, but I guess it shouldn’t have been surprising, in retrospect, because that same very premise is predicated on recreating the experience of how we read fic—a million different AUs, no One Canon Version, a million different Getting Together and Magic Revealed fics all existing simultaneously and non-exclusively in our brains, and endgame ‘verse is just a microcosm of that. I was also touched by some of the responses to British Male, because it’s such a trifle that I never intended to publish it because my Brain has Anxiety about posting stories that don’t Mean Anything. (My Anxiety Brain is a hypocrite, natch, because I love reading stories that don’t Mean Anything. I just can’t write them.) So just hearing that it made people smile, or that they found meaning in it anyway even though my Anxiety Brain wanted to insist it didn’t have enough, really meant a lot to me.

Is it too late or too cruel of me to tag @black-eyed-suzannah-q? ;)

[amidst-the-storm]

(This is going to be a very long post under the cut since I’ll be copying and pasting portions of Leashed Emotions.

Warnings: burns, torture mention, possession, split personalities, permanent scarring, Tempest’s past, semi-graphic descriptions of three deaths. And: There’s a fluff portion near the end so bear with me.)

YOU ACTUALLY DECIDED TO READ THIS?.... Okay well thank you. This is all crap that I’ve written, and it’s stuff canon to Tempest’s past on this blog. If you want to give her story a look-see, please use the above link to Leashed Emotions. Book Two, Drowned Out, is currently a WIP and thus anything beyond book one’s timeline (so most of this blog’s persona) is subject to change as the ‘past’ gets written into existence.

Anyway TIME FOR SOME TORTURE N’ FLUFF HAVE FUN AND IN WE GO!

Time frame: Timeline two, Sonic 06, forest, Tempest is 19 years old (+12 extra hours thanks to time travel).

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       "....-t.... T-em...-pes-t?..." The broken words reached her ear like a whisper. Tempest stopped instantly, Sonic's next words falling on nothing. Her head turned to a large area of dirt, breathing in shallow breaths.        "..... Tempest.....?" Her father's question was so low, so lost.... The two adults were huddled together in the middle of the clearing. Tempest didn't even think. She ran to them, dropping to her knees the moment she was close enough and hugging them. That lump came back to her throat as she clutched her parents tight. She wouldn't let them slip through her fingers. Not ever again.        "Mom! Dad!" She whimpered. Something inside her fell away, a wall she had long ago created. Her parents hugged her back, weakened by whatever had happened to them. ".... Where'd you-... Go...?" Tempest's question was met with a quiet and sharp gasp. She raised her head, eyes dilating as she fell back.        Her butt hit the ground as she stared in horror. Her father tried to speak, but blood bubbled forth from his mouth. Both of her parents choked on their own lives. A single piercing round of crystal had ripped through the chest of her father, into her mother, and then arced into the ground. It pulsed and glowed with an ominous purple aura.        Sunbeams ripped into her skin, oceans drowning her breath out. Someone was talking to her, but she heard nothing. A sort of liquid- was that-.... A 'tear'?.... Formed in her eyes, blinked back. A cut deeper than any knife or metal could create plunged into her chest. Lava bubbled and phantoms screeched.        It took a few seconds for Tempest to notice that the screeching was her own. Her head had tilted skyward, no longer focused on the image her parents' bodies offered. The agony- it was awful. Someone was plunging a knife full of venom into her heart, twisting until the organ was soup in her chest.        Something sliced open her cheek. Tempest barely noticed the pain, until more slices appeared. Purple smoke obscured her vision as the pain exploded from every location. Nothing existed except loss. All that was felt was pain. They were in so much agony. They were in so much pain.... They were so.... So....        ..... Hungry......

[/|\]

       Sonic's jaw dropped. He had tried to scream, run to Tempest and pull her back.- But something stopped him. A wave of fire burst out from her, slamming him into the tree he'd been leaning against. He grunted from the hit, cracking his eyes open by the smallest fraction. If there was any chance of helping her, of saving her parents-        What he saw wrecked every line of thought.        A purple and white hedgehog was being absorbed by her. She was lifting into the air, surrounded by a tornado of flames. The hedgehog's crystalline structure melted away like ice cream in the sun. Tempest herself was still screeching, but it was changing. She was growing exponentially in size, skin altering color as something grew on top of it. Her back warped and twisted, before bone-like wings burst in an explosion of blood from her.        Light burned into his retinas. Sonic shut his eyes tight, turning his head sideways as the intensity broke through his flimsy eyelids. Everything fell away, replaced by the searing pain. He tried to squirm, but found his body was pressed up against something. The light began to fade, leaving the hedgehog temporarily blinded from it. Sonic wriggled a little longer, before noticing the cut of small pebbles into his skin. He opened his eyes.        The world was absolutely wrong.- Chunks of it floated above, biomes ripped from the ground up. The sky was an endless cascade of dark purple webbing, energy coursing through it. Everything smelled like nothing. Sonic breathed in, jumping upright. He had been laying on the cobbles of the New City district.        "Sonic!" Tails rushed over, his hands fidgeting in worry. "What happened???"        "A bright light happened... And a headache." Knuckles groused, stomping over from a fountain. He shook his head in annoyance, before realizing what was above. He stared, mouth opening slightly in shock. ".... Wait, what?!"        "..... Where are we?..." Amy stumbled out from behind a building, appearing better for wear than Knuckles. At least she wasn't clutching her head and tapping a foot in annoyance. ".... What's going on...?"        "The Chaos Emerald has disappeared...." Silver whispered, looking between his hands.        "It's all because of Solaris." Rouge stepped into the group, that normally sassy tone of hers gone. Shadow nodded beside her, while E-123 Omega simply... Stood... Silently... Behind them both.... Not creepy at all.        "It seems we were all caught by the spatial distortion." Dr. Eggman noted from nearby, sighing as he did. "..... I figure that this land will soon collapse into nothing... And that will be the end of it."        "Not if I can help it." Sonic smirked, throwing out a thumbs-up. "Any ideas-" A loud growl shook the world. It echoed in every bone, shot through every vein, and distracted every thought. "..... What....?" He looked up. That bright light was centered above them, burning a hole into the protective shield. Sonic lowered his head once more.        "..... Mephiles played us all for fools, in order to break Iblis' Seal..." Eggman chuckled. ".... If we weren't in mortal danger, I would congratulate him... He caused that girl to be so consumed with despair that she cried... Breaking the Seal." Eggman clapped his hands together. "And now that Solaris is alive, it will inevitably destroy what remains of this world in its desires to eat."        "Then we need to stop it." Shadow grunted. "So how to do we do that?" Eggman waved his finger.        "No, no. Defeating Solaris here- now- would do absolutely nothing. Solaris is a creature that exists in the past, present, and future all at once."        "I don't care! If that's what it takes- past, present, and future- I'll destroy them all at once!" Silver clutched his fist. He planted one foot forward, glaring Dr. Eggman down. "Solaris will be stopped, today." The man huffed, crossing his arms.        "I suppose, if all three of you were to attack Solaris at once- your combined energy of the past, present, and future would be able to stop it.... But..... It would require a massive amount of power..... Such as the Chaos Emeralds, which are far too scattered to be collected in time."        "Pfff- really, Egghead? C'mon, you know me better than that by now." Sonic danced from one foot to another. "We'll have those Emeralds in a sonic-second!" Eggman glared over his bushy mustache.        "..... Fine.... But if you die in the attempt, then we are doomed."        "Whatever, Eggman.... Just point me in the right direction, wouldja?"        "...... Its all of our necks, hedgehog-"        "Just give us the directions already." Shadow interrupted. Eggman glared at the ebony hedgehog, before sighing.        "...... That way." He raised a finger. Sonic was gone in a flash of an instant, leaving Eggman with several would-be helpers... It didn't take long for him to relinquish the other gems' locations.

[/|\]

       Sonic flashed away from one of the growing tears in reality. It had taken a few minutes to grow used to the dim neon-colored landscape, but once he did, it became recognizable. What had been a discolored and glowing metropolis now vaguely resembled one of the off-shoot merchant wharves Sonic had seen a few days ago.        He did his best to avoid the green and glowing water. What had once been a peaceful land was now being torn apart into nonexistence. An invisible force slid him towards another crack in reality. He sped up, jumping away from certain death. If he could just find a Chaos Emerald, get back to the others...        ... Tempest was probably in that thing, somewhere..... But it was destroying Mobius.... And he had to stop it, even if one of his friends was the monster.        He was going to save Mobius.....        He had to.

[/|\]

   It all combined. A million realities convulsed and writhed in an endless screaming expanse. Their mind stretched into the infinite. The past, present, and future all exploded in a whirling firework of insanity. Solaris’ memories flared like solar winds, ripping away the veil of time itself.     For one brief moment of eternity, they all understood. Mephiles’ ambition cut through the moment, erasing that beautiful second of clarity. Everything plunged into death. The dust of enemies long past filled their senses. The iron stench of spilled blood permeated their collective nonexistence. The uncontrollable desire to rule poisoned their mind.     Tempest’s life flowed over the poison like a river. A million milliseconds of life flashed and sparked with locked feelings. In a torrential wave of emotion, it burst forth. The power of the Iblis Flame scorched them all. They fell into a soup of memory and thought.        Everything was nothing. The endless expanse of reality was before them, unveiled like a finely printed map. They reached out a hand, scratching a million souls out of existence. They swallowed them all, breathing in deeply. A low roar echoed from their vocals, burning into the universe. There was so much possible energy here. A swipe was made at some of it, greedily devouring the freely offered energy.        She was so hungry, so starving.... She would eat until she could feast no longer.... Not like this world would offer him enough food, anyway.... They drank with gusto from the wine of time, cracking open a million planets like they were fortune cookies. The energy of every star was siphoned into their gullet, burning as it went down.        He would never stop eating.... But he had to... He missed his parents... But she would not stop. She would eat. She had manipulated him, after all. Yet he had destroyed him.- They were unsure, but that meant nothing. So what if they could no longer determine whose memories were whose? They had a massive supply of food.        Nothing would stop them from eating until they were full.

[/|\]

       Sonic stood in the circle of Chaos Emeralds, facing both Shadow and Silver. His eyes were set on the two, mouth a firm line.        "Let's do this." He raised his hands, one facing Shadow and one facing Silver. The other two hedgehogs copied his movements, before the Chaos Energy began to flow into them all. Sonic didn't even flinch as the familiar power washed over him. Silver on the other hand stumbled, surprised by the pure ability that flowed into his veins. Shadow barely blinked.        All three were encompassed in a blinding light, their fur brightening and turning gold as their eyes sharpened. All senses went up, powered by the universe itself. Three sets of ruby-red orbs shot open. The three leaped into the air. They soared towards their goal. Sonic narrowed his eyes, trying to focus on the goal. Save Mobius.        Save Mobius.        Save Mobius.        ..... Save Mobius...        .... And try to save Tempest.        The three broke through the light that had previously burned. Now, it was a dim flash of luminescence that barely phased them. Silver and Shadow vanished from Sonic's physical line of sight, but in a way, he could still 'see' them. Shadow now fell to the past, already prepping a surge of a Chaos Blast. Silver echoed down from the future, telekinesis a light in the dim reality.        Sonic surged forth, trying not to look at what he was fighting. He spun away from a surge of blue fire. The monster before him roared in ancient anger. Its eyes were purely white, black hair floating up above as if caught in an endless wind. Six bone pieces flapped behind it like wings, crystalline skin reflecting the flames that burned eternally on all the wing fragments, connecting them. The thing had no clothing, but it was so smooth that its gender was unknowable. The only hint that Tempest was in there was the black coloration of the hair.        "Temps-!" He shot right. Six funnels of crystal turned to follow him, flames igniting in his wake. One hand outstretched to snag him. Sonic flashed between the fingers, slashing upwards as he did so. Chaos Energy ripped into the skin, spurting blood momentarily. Sonic shot up into the stars, his red eyes staring down at his friend.        But this thing wasn't his friend.        This was Solaris.        His friend was gone.        .... But she couldn't be.        Sonic plummeted. One foot kicked down, both hands lowered. The world lent him its energy, coalescing into the point he wanted.        "Hƨiɿɘq llɒʜƨ llɒ!" Sonic was smacked left by a backhand. Solaris laughed. It was creepy- filtered with a million voices, a million words. All of time itself was in that voice, all voices ever made echoing in its timber. Sonic yelled out, covering his ears.

[/|\]

       "Hƨiɿɘq llɒʜƨ llɒ!" The universe rolled and rocked. Insanity flitted through every word, every memory snapped and torn. They were in so much agony. They were never made for this. They didn't have enough. They reached out to the galaxies, wiping out civilizations as old as time in favor of food. Nothing would stop their conquest.... They would feed.... Until it was all stripped bare.        "Tempest!!!!" That voice. He recognized it. She hated it. She missed it. He reached out, blind and fumbling. He pulled her back. The three struggled, burning a hole through three planets in their annoyance. How dare they be disrespected? They were a god- goddess- whatever it was!- Solaris roared. Their hand struck out, smashing into the golden nuisance. At the same time, they deflected a bolt of energy. A third destroyed rocks as they sailed towards them.        "ƎM ƎЯOᆿƎઘ ⅃⅃Aᆿ ⅃⅃IW UOY!!!" Flames shot forth, atoms ripped asunder beneath their onslaught. Millions of them combined into the main three, screeching. Their hands shot out, flames bursting forth, feet kicking. They refused to be met with defeat. Each of them fought with the same burning velocity, one of them succeeding in breaking a fragile hedgehog bone. Silver grunted, but continued fighting.        Shadow's bolts shot into their eyes. They screeched, backing up with a deafening scream. Shadow didn't pause. He aimed straight for the heart, breaking through the skin. That Solaris vanished, its remaining energy bursting into its two remaining forms. They redoubled their efforts, slamming everything they had into Silver and Sonic. The golden hedgehogs dodged each attack, Silver firing projectiles of rock back while Sonic just kept dodging.        They were so angry.- Everything had culminated into this. They were going to win. They refused defeat. Teeth grit beneath the skin, power siphoning from all the stars in the universe. Fire flowed to their hands, burning away sanity as it sharpened. Smaller. Sharper. More dangerous. They slashed their fire-sword out. A rock projectile crashed into their windpipe. Solaris gasped.        Solaris cut apart atoms. Nuclear explosions encompassed their body. Blue flames burst into a cage of death, shooting out. Silver crushed their windpipe. That Solaris vanished, energy collapsing into the final form. Beneath it all, she was screaming. It hurt so much. He wanted it to end. He would never give up fighting. She had to give up. But she couldn't give up.        She had come this far, found all the answers- he had done so much.... They engulfed a galaxy, breaking it apart beyond the base level. A golden streak made it by their line of sight.        Something cracked against their skull. It drilled deep into their brain, beyond the crystal and fire. No blood came from the wound- the energy was so powerful, that it cauterized the injury on contact. Solaris released a mute gasp.        "..... I've got you......" He didn't want to die- she didn't want to die- why had they not foreseen this- why- why- y- the final Solaris form screeched to a halt, staring into nothingness. Deep within, Sonic gathered all the power he could find. Flames scorched his nerves as he breathed in deeply, curling into a ball....        "KshhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHOOOOOOOM!!!!!!" Everything went up in a blast of unbridled, unrestricted power.

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       Agony. That was all she could think to call it. Something was tearing into her ear drums, while lava destroyed her back. It burned and seared, breaking down the skin. She could feel it going into the nerves. She couldn't scream. Her lips were frozen shut, freezing from nothing. Mephiles' laugh echoed in her broken ear. It was healed, before fresh pain ripped into the shell. Tempest struggled, trying to get away. His laughter never stopped. It was everywhere in the nothingness.        "GET AWAY FROM US!" Mephiles roared. Acid spewed into her veins, racing into her every nerve. Tempest whimpered quietly through her unopened mouth, wanting it all to end. She felt tears slip from her eyes unbidden, falling into the void. A soft golden light slowly materialized before her. The pain ebbed, her ears recollecting themselves and becoming whole once more. Something went wrong with her back. Tempest screeched, ripping open her mouth. Those wounds healed in milliseconds, but her back- oh heavens above-        "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!!" She convulsed. Something settled on her back. The pain grew even worse. Tempest screamed even louder. She was pulled up slowly, carefully, as she continued to writhe from the damage. Her eyes now refused to open. She saw only red, with faint traces of gold.        ".... It'll be alright....." Something cool flowed over her back. Tempest came down from the pain high one bit at a time, screams transforming to gentle whimpers. She was in so much pain.... Her body ached... Her back burned like wildfire.... Her veins felt acidic.... But she couldn't prevent anything. She was helpless. "..... I'll find you...."        "..... Hel....p....."        "..... I'll find you...."

[/|\]

       "Tempest, you'll be late for school dear!" She opened her eyes. The ceiling was above her, but... It was far too high. She went to move her body, only to silently reel back from what she received. Something on her back was aching.... And her nerves... They felt... Too short.... Tempest sat up and clambered out of bed. She dropped from the side with a quiet 'thump!', hitting the ground. In her haste to meet her mother, she barely noticed.        "Mom??" She jumped upright and bolted from her room, down the hall, beyond her parents' room. The girl ran into the kitchen, spotting her mother making breakfast. Eggs and pancakes.        "Yes dear. Now go get ready- unless you want to be late for your first day of kindergarten." The woman winked. Tempest blinked back in shock.        "Kindergarten-? But- mom, I'm nineteen." She spoke calmly, those accursed phantoms already beginning a slight swirl around her head. She bit into one of her fingernails, looking at the floor. It was really close- and her feet were-... Really... Chubby....        "Of course you are, but you still need to get ready." Her mother's feet appeared in her vision, before a hand rubbed her hair. Tempest shook her head, ridding herself of the offending appendage.        ".... Bu-...." She looked up, only to be met with a slightly stern glare. Tempest silenced herself. She turned and slowly trekked to the bathroom. The counter was above her. Tempest glanced to the toilet, before lowering the lid and clambering atop it. Then she hopped onto the counter, and finally looked herself over.        ..... She was a kid. And not just any kid- she was a small kid. Herself, maybe... Four years old? She blinked at her bare chest, feeling her heart stop. Two gray streaks- indents of sorts- ran down either arm, all the way from somewhere behind her to her elbows. They were.... Weird. She tapped one, feeling a normal touch sensation in her brain. It was as if her arm had just- sunken in at the indents. It reminded her of-.....        Mephiles.        Tempest gulped silently and quickly turned. She stopped when her back was to the mirror.        Two burn scars- one at either shoulder blade- rested on her back. They were filled with gnarled and light yellow flesh. She experimentally tapped one, feeling limited sensation from the area.        "..... You can not escape what you are..." Tempest jumped off the counter.        "Are you getting ready?" Her mother's voice echoed from the kitchen. Tempest did not dare look at her reflection again. She covered her left eye as she left the bathroom, darting to her room. She quickly found a shirt and pulled it on, careful not to catch it on the edge of the indents in her arms.        "Yes mom!"        '..... What is this....'

[/|\]

       Twelve years, come and gone. Tempest picked up the book from the University's library. She knew she was stealing it- she was destined to steal it. Nothing in any world would ever stop her- any where she existed, anyway.... Too many years had drifted by with no word from the others... Tempest had never doubted that it had happened.        The scars on her back and the indents in her arms were evidence enough of its occurrence.... It didn't help that she had nineteen years worth of memories... Of a time that never happened.        But when that purple ray filled the sky, and the planet shook.... Tempest knew for certain it had been real. Keeping it to herself for so many years had been hard- she had always failed to act her age, and.... Well, that was apparently just as much a reason to ignore a kid as them being emotionless. Still.        Tempest sped over to the hatch that she vaguely recalled, a silent smile crossing her face as she climbed up the bookcase with ease. A second chance at reality had taught her a lot... And hurt her a lot... But that was best not to focus on at the moment. Tempest heard voices as she pushed open the hidden hatch. She jumped up and raced to the edge of the University's roof, heart racing. She could barely breathe. Her burn scars ached just as much now as they had every second, of every day, of every year... For a long time.        The moon glowed from above, dropping sweeping swaths of glowing light upon the city. Spagonia hummed lowly, old cobbles stretched and worn thin from many years of use. Buildings stretched lazily to meet the sky. Streetlamps waved to the stars, a wind of dust and pine trees drifting through each and every alley. It felt like home... A very old, very familiar home.        "Hey!" A deep, gruff, and slightly smoked voice called out. It wasn't threatening like last time, though. Tempest looked up at the moon without turning around. The fateful book was held tight in her grasp- 'Evidence of a Gaia', by one Professor Pickle. It felt different, yet the same. The summer winds rippled around her dark gray hoodie, hiding what had happened from reality. ".... Temps?...." The question was broken and quiet. Tempest turned slowly, feeling tears prick at her eyes.        A smile that could put the sun to shame fixed itself on her face. She ran full-tilt into the werehog, hugging him tight. More drops of salty water fell from her eyes as Tempest breathed into his fur.        ".... I-it's been a w-while...." She laughed breathlessly, feeling like her heart would break out of her chest at any moment. ".... I-I've mi-issed you..." Two very fluffy and furry arms slowly wrapped around her. They pushed gently against her hoodie, before getting tighter. Sonic released a quiet laugh. Tempest could feel the sunbeams radiating off of him as the two shared that moment.        ".... I missed ya, Temps..." Sonic and Tempest separated at a snails' pace, neither wanting to forget the other.        "... What am I missing here?" Chip's voice was like a stone at glass. Tempest's eyes slowly turned to face the small god, staring at him. More tears filled her eyes. Was this what it was like to cry?.... It felt so nice.... She waved, trying to keep her voice in tact.        ".... I-I'm an old friend of Sonic-c's." She laughed. "C-Chi-ip, I missed you s-so much..."        "..... What?" Sonic smiled, patting Chip on the back with a furry hand.        "I'll explain in a few days." He grinned mischeviously. "Don't worry." The hedgehog turned his face back to Tempest, a very, very familiar smirk on his face. He stretched out one hand to her. ".... Wanna join us?"        She didn't hesitate.

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ANYONE WANT TO CRY ‘CAUSE I JUST RE-READ THESE PORTIONS AND I’M READY TO CRY-

Gosh above I forgot how much I loved writing this... This is why I can’t. Re-read. My own. WORKS. WHY’D I DO THIS TO MYSELF-

[vrenaewrites]

Quarter 3 Goals and Q2 Recap.

Happy fucking birthday, America. You’re a hot mess.

Literally.

When I first began doing blogs and youtube, I used to share my monthly goals. But no one liked when I did that, so I took a hint from successful bloggers and Youtubers and decided I’d go to quarterly goals instead.

If you don’t know, we technically just left the second quarter of the year, which like...WHAT. How has 2019 vanished into thin air? I feel like it was just January? Anyways. From April-June of 2019, my goals were:

- Read 6 books (2/month)

- Finish draft 1 of BLOOD FROM A STONE, my Magical Realism WIP

- Launch my BROKE INDIE AUTHOR services

- Collect all beta notes for ACCIDENTAL EVILS

- Hire an editor for ACCIDENTAL EVILS

- Film and write blogs for July and have ideas for August ready

Some other personal goals like consistent gym time and meal prep, wearing my night guard so I don’t grind my teeth into dust, spending time with my family during the season of 10 million birthdays, etc.

How’d we do?

Um...I’ll be real. I read two books. DUMPLIN’ (⅘) and THE SEVEN HUSBANDS OF EVELYN HUGO. (5/5). I am finishing EVERLASTING ROSE at the time of this blog. I’m embarrassed tbh. I think the heat makes me too lazy to write.

UM...well. By the skin of my teeth, I finished the rough draft of BLOOD FROM A STONE. But I’ll tell you what, I talked about this in my impostor syndrome series - I shelved this book for a hot minute, and then in June, I decided I wanted to rewrite it somehow? I wrote 15,000 words of a new draft when I literally had 3 chapters (about 15k words) left of the original draft. Aka I wasted so so SO much time. The best thing I did for this draft was take some time away while I was struggling with my perception and vision for the story - all of May was spent not writing this WIP. But. Getting back into it was tough.

This, I did! On June 1, my Broke Indie Author services launched on my website (vrenae.com/services) bitches! Promotional graphics, chapter critiques, YouTube editing, ghostwriting, book reviews - with more services to come. This was a huge exciting step for me and I can’t wait to expand the BIA line to give all those in the indie author community everything they need to succeed.

We got our notes in, and we hired a kickass editor for an amazing rate. Every day that she has that book in her hot little hands is another day I’m filled with excitement at the possibilities of what we can do with this book together.

I’m writing this in June, so I guess this is a win as well. I needed to get ahead of my self on content because I’ll be off the grid for over a week in July for my boyfriend’s 30th birthday. I have some interesting stuff coming up in August for sure. Mostly staying inside because if you’ve never been to Florida in August - don’t. Just don’t. It’s mind-melting.

We all know I didn’t go to the gym at all in May. But what I have started doing is running every morning and wow I forgot how much I loved it. If I get out there by 6:30am, that is. I tried 8:30am once and it was BRUTALLY hot. Yes, already. Florida sucks. Meal prep has been going well, mostly because I’m too broke to eat out with my coworkers that often. I spent lots of time with my family, watched a lot of TV and YouTube, and recharged my creative batteries in a huge way.

So, what’s next for me? What am I up to July - September?

MY QUARTER THREE GOALS:

Read 6 books. (2/month):

Clearly this has become a struggle, whereas in January I read like ten or twelve books? Wack.

Line edits for ACCIDENTAL EVILS:

By the end of July, my editor should be all done with AE, which is when the fun really begins.

Proofreads for ACCIDENTAL EVILS:

That’s right, fam. I’ll be recruiting proofreaders and sending them advanced copies of AE in Septemberish. Get fuckin’ ready.

Begin draft 2 of BLOOD FROM A STONE:

August is a busy lil month for this girl. I need all the excuses I can get to stay the fuck inside during the devil’s month.

Adjust SOMETHING WICKED based on ACCIDENTAL EVILS edits:

This’ll be a September project as well, but post beta notes, a lot changed that affects the finale of the Thistlewolf Trilogy. I’m sure more will come up as I get the editor notes back.

Begin my TIPSY IPSY series on my YouTube channel:

I announced on my Instagram last month that I’d subscribed to Ipsy, and a lot of you expressed interest in seeing unboxings of the monthly delivery of stuff. This won’t replace one of my videos but will be a bonus video each month. I know it’s not a writerly thing, but it’s something I’m excited about. So watch it or don’t.

What are y’all getting up to during these dog ass days of summer?

[flauntpage]

On Philadelphia and Video Gaming: A Conversation with Fusion Chief Business Officer Joe Marsh

The Philadelphia Fusion lost last night, but it happens.

They went down to the New York Excelsior, which is a dumb team name. I hate losing to New York, but losing to the “Excelsior” is even worse.

I checked out the Twitter replies last night and people didn’t seem too happy with the performance of “Sado,” who I think is our main tank. Some fans were calling for “Fragi” to play instead, so it seems like we’ve got a bit of a controversy brewing. I might even call up Sports Radio 94 WIP to share my feelings.

Anyway, I stopped by the viewing party at Xfinity Live last night before the match started. I didn’t have time to stay for the actual thing, since I had to roll back to the Wells Fargo Center for the Sixers game, though it looked like a nice crowd was there for the event.

I did have a candid and interesting conversation with Joe Marsh, who is the Fusion’s Chief Business Officer. We talked about the popularity of esports and the growth of a nascent Fusion fan base, and even though I load my Fusion articles with satire and humor, I tried to keep it pretty straight with Joe while learning some things about gaming along the way.

Here’s the full discussion:

Crossing Broad: I gotta be honest; the last time you guys did this, for the season opener, I looked at the crowd photos and was kind of shocked. This place was packed. I assume you were not shocked.

Joe Marsh: Not anymore. But if you would have asked me that in January of last year, I think our first watch party had something like 300 people at Wahoo’s. As the season progressed we started building the fan base. This was all from scratch, you know? We were a hockey team with no esports experience, so we had no fans. Then we had to shoot content and shoot video for a team that was playing on the west coast, so it’s kind of hard to attract a fan base when your talent is across the country. But once we reached the playoffs it kind of spiked from there with the underdog video. We brought the guys to (Philadelphia) and did a thousand people twice. The first watch party had 800 people pre-register before they even walked in the door. Consistently drawing a thousand people each time is pretty good.

Moe after the jump:

Crossing Broad: When I come to one of these events and I’m looking at the crowd here, who am I seeing? Am I seeing young? Old? Men? Women? What is the demographic of the Fusion fan base?

Marsh: You’re definitely seeing young. But you’re seeing a lot more women, even as far as merchandise sales it’s 60/40 women, which is surprising, because most games you’ll see the stats and it’s 88% male fans vs. 12% female. But at live events, purchasing merchandise, it’s primarily female. Even in Korea, when we go there, a lot of the fans are women. The fans here are female, but it’s not because they like one player, it’s because they like and play the game. A lot of young fans, too, the average age is probably 14 to 25. We do see older fans because it’s parents bringing their kids down here. I always like to chat up the fans that are sitting there and they say, ‘I have no idea what’s going on, but my kid likes it, so I take them down here,’ and I’m thinking ‘cool, that’s awesome.’

Crossing Broad: Do you see a cross-section of… I guess I should ask it this way – What is the cross-section of Philadelphia Fusion fans that are also interested in the Sixers, Eagles, Flyers, and Phillies –

Marsh: Four for four.

Crossing Broad: Yeah, the old cliche we hammer into dust is this “four for four” thing. Do you see the Fusion fan base interfacing with those other sports?

Marsh: I think the biggest benefit that we have as a team is the fact that we’re a Philadelphia-based team. Because you have that built-in (idea of) ‘you’re from Dallas and I’m from Philadelphia, so we hate you.’ Overwatch is the only geo-based game right now, so we have a market, we have a home base to go to. We have that built-in kind of grounding, but the difference is our fans, a lot of them could never relate to traditional sports, that four for four idea. But when video games like Overwatch came out, now they can relate to that (mentality). Now you’re seeing the same passion you’d see with a Sixers or Flyers game watching one of our matches. When we went to the grand finals in Brooklyn (last summer), that was primarily Philly fans. We bused them up there and they were the loudest people in the building. That same fighting spirit, the cheering, the never give up attitude, it’s carrying over. It’s what we do in Philadelphia. It’s kind of ingrained in you.

Crossing Broad: Older people who might not be familiar with esports, they always get hung up on this idea of, ‘why am I going to sit around and watch somebody else play video games?‘ I’m sure you guys have heard it a million times now and tried to combat that narrative a million times now. What’s your answer to that?

Marsh: It’s the same question asked right back to them. Why do you want to watch a basketball game when you’re never going to be able to dunk? You might be the size of Muggsy Bogues, but you’re not Muggsy Bogues. Why would you want to watch the Eagles play? Because you’re never going to be able to throw a 50-yard touchdown. It’s the same concept. You just enjoy watching someone who is the best at something ply their trade. It’s the same thing in video games. I can play a video game, then I play against one of our guys and I suck. If I played pickup basketball with LeBron, I’d lose 10-0. I’d lose 10-9 if he spotted me nine points. You just like to watch the best in the world do what they do, and that’s the reply to that.

Philadelphia Fusion/Comcast-Spectacor

Crossing Broad: One of the things I find intriguing about esports is that when I was a kid, I hated sitting around watching other people play. I’m a thirty-something year old kid from the suburbs –

Marsh: Me too (laughs).

Crossing Broad: So you can relate. We would sit around, and if someone else had the Nintendo 64 controller, I got bored. Now you’ve got kids growing up, a generation that experts say are addicted to their phones, they can’t sit still, everybody has A.D.D. or whatever, yet here we are in 2019 and they’re watching other people play games. I guess the question is, what changed? Is it the advent of the internet? Twitch? Accessibility? Why is it different now?

Marsh: I think it’s the internet and it’s also the sites you can go to. If you go on Twitch, you can look at any kind of content. It’s like going down a rabbit hole on Youtube and you start looking at Kimbo Slice fights.

Crossing Broad: I wanna watch Soundgarden videos.

Marsh. Yeah, exactly. Twitch brings you some of the best gameplay in the world. In the NBA, we don’t get to see those guys practice. We just see them playing the game. Gaming fans are allowed to see that. They stream. Our players go stream, and you watch them have fun and goof off and talk to them, interact with them on their streams and donate money and support them.

Croossing Broad: People do the same thing with Youtube stars and influencers, they’ll just sit there and consume their content for hours at a time. It’s really not that much different.

Marsh: No, it’s not. I think it’s more – with Youtube you can’t interact with those people in real time. You can type comments. On Twitch, I could make a donation and you can respond and say, ‘hey Joe, that was awesome, thank you.‘ For that person, it’s a big deal to them. You can interact with them. It’s the connectivity. I think it’s a lot of that, and having the accessibility on your phone. A lot of our fans, you’ll see them in there double screening and they’re looking at the phone, they’re interacting on Twitter, they’re watching their tweets on the big board. It’s the ability to multitask and do more than one thing and I think that’s what separates the young vs the old crowd. And I’m like you, I grew up playing Goldeneye in the basement, no Oddjob.

Crossing Broad: Yeah, no Oddjob, remote mines in the facility.

Marsh: In college we’d play Call of Duty with the door open and talk trash.

Crossing Broad: Halo was big, too.

Marsh: Yeah, so we’d do the same exact thing, but now it’s online. Before it was just in person, and now it’s gone global. You can be in your house with your headset on and people say it’s anti-social, when you might be talking to someone in Israel.

Crossing Broad: Right, you could argue that it’s the total opposite of being anti-social.

Marsh: For sure.

On the big screen, esports. On the small screen, Sixers pregame live.

Crossing Broad: So tell me about the new arena.

Marsh: Been working on that for a year. Originally when we looked at it, we were trying to go to University City, where the critical mass of college students is located. Timing wasn’t going to work out. So when they offered us the plot of land next to Xfinity Live, which – this was always in the master plan, to build an arena or an amphitheater here –

Crossing Broad: Yeah, and I remember the original blueprints for this place, and it was supposed to be bigger.

Marsh: Yes. This was supposed to be bigger and there was supposed to be an arena there. When they offered us the land we jumped at it. We interviewed architects and found Populous. Since the fall we’d been designing and trying to find the right fit, and what you saw a few weeks ago is what we’ve got. It’s 3,500 seats with traditional arena amenities, so our training center will be in there. It’s got full-on production space and a media room. Then you look at premium seating. You have club seats, you have box seats with TVs that show you the perspective of a player on the stage. You have traditional suites and a VIP back bar. Everything you’d find in a traditional arena is there. It just happens to house an esports team, but it’s also fit for concerts and comedy shows and all that other stuff.

Crossing Broad: Last one for you, and this is kind of an open-ended question. If I was sitting in the Fusion board meeting and y’all were talking about strategies to move this thing forward, what would I be hearing? What are some of the immediate goals to grow this thing and get more people interested?

Marsh: I think getting more colleges in the amateur scene involved. The NCAA is never going to regulate gaming. Players get paid right now, so you’d run into the same argument traditional sports is having right now – getting paid vs. scholarship. These colleges are now giving out scholarships for gaming, but they’re able to collect prize money.

CB: So if I was on the League of Legends team at Penn State or whatever, I could get paid for that?

Marsh: Yeah. When you enter tournaments, you get prize money. Certain schools, like Harrisburg University, which is one of our sponsors, they actually give you a scholarship to play there, AND you get your prize money. So you’re kind of double dipping anyway, which then gets you into the age-old argument with the NCAA and paying athletes in traditional sports. I think servicing that scene, getting more colleges involved, getting more high schools involved (is important). The City of Philadelphia was kicking around starting a league this spring. Programming our venue with those types of events – because we only have 14 nights a year with the Fusion – it makes you think about what you want to do with the rest. It’s amateur events, getting those collegiate events, then also getting major events in Europe and the west coast to come here. And there’s always going to be the next new game, so like now it’s Apex Legends, being first to those things is what’s going to drive a new market. Games are going to fade. League of Legends has been around for a decade-plus, but then you have games like Fortnite, which has been around for two years-plus. That could fade away. Call of Duty popped, then didn’t really go anywhere. Sea of Thieves was hot for like three minutes. You’re always going to have the next fly-by-night game, it’s about capitalizing on that fan base. There’s a lot of crossover in hosting events. The live event experience is what makes gaming that much better than watching online. It’s like hockey. Watching hockey is much more exciting in person than on TV. Watching playoff hockey is even that much better.

….

Thanks for reading.

Let’s go Fusion.

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