#anyways. these are all super messy and not great but!!! u know what i love vanitas a lot

[niningtori]

for the hope of it all | part one

part two

pairing(s): choi beomgyu x you, choi soobin x you

summary: you've been in love with beomgyu since the first time you saw him, but he sees you as nothing more than a good friend and faithful wingwoman. when he asks you to help him catch another girl, who just so happens to be one of your closest friends, things get complicated.

genre: ANGST, melodrama, romance, smut (mdni)

warnings: super rushed to meet a deadline, not proofread, smut (mdni), beomgyu is a fucking asshole, manipulative!gyu, unprotected sex, creampie, fingering (vaginal), dirty talk, praise, if i missed anything lmk!

word count: 7.2k

notes: whew... i couldn't just post a fic based on a song called AUGUST after august ends (even tho there's only a few minutes left where i am idccc) anyway this isn't the best thing in the world but i still ask that u all don't be mean to me <3 feedback is appreciated n loved as well :)

beomgyu really likes her — like, really— and who can blame him? you certainly can’t. chaewon is a lovely, lovely girl, so it should come as no surprise when beomgyu asks you to, in his words, help him bag her. you’re not one with a particularly strong character at the best of times, so when he practically begs you to convince one of your closest friends that he’s actually not the heartbreaking manwhore he definitely is, you can’t find it in yourself to say no.

it doesn't help that he has enough charisma to charm even the most indifferent target he sets his eyes on, it doesn't help that he's so handsome it makes everyone either want him or want to be him, and it most certainly doesn't help that you've been in love with the boy for the entire time that you've known him. him asking absolutely anything of you would result in you relenting, so when he asks for something as seemingly inconsequential as setting him up with a mutual friend, accepting it is a matter of course. does it hurt your heart to see him pining after someone else when you basically consider him as your soulmate? of course. but his happiness means more to you than your own. if she makes him happy, then so be it.

that's what you tell yourself, at least.

-

beomgyu doesn’t know that you love him — he can’t possibly know — or else he’d treat you differently, right? you don’t want that. you don’t want anything to change, at least not in the disastrous way you anticipate confessing your love to him would go, so you’ve kept your feelings close to your chest to keep him from suspecting anything. you think you’ve gotten pretty good at concealing your feelings. for example, you laugh when he tells you about his sexual escapades, and you don’t hesitate to give him advice on how to woo the girls who are wary of his lasciviousness. you only want to show him the good parts of you, carefully tucking any ugly seeds of jealousy or sadness away from his prying eyes.

the thing is, though, beomgyu is not stupid; and to your never-ending misery, you are not the greatest actress. he can see the crestfallen look on your face for the split second before you can contort your features into a smile. he can hear the tremble in your voice as you force out a laugh. with his godforsaken intuition, he can sense the hesitation in your movement when you playfully push him aside as he over-dramatically recounts his latest raunchy fuck. 

all of this has no discernible consequence, though. if anything, your feelings have been his faithful friend and ally when it comes to conspiring with you to land whatever girl piques his interest at the moment. you may not be a prospective partner, but you are a great wingwoman, he’ll give you that much. and that’s exactly what he needs when dealing with chaewon, who has proven to be a particularly tough nut to crack. he doesn’t usually go for people he would consider friends, if only because he doesn’t like dealing with the messy aftermath, but her refusal to look his way is just too entertaining. he has no earthly idea why this cat and mouse game intrigues him the way it does, but he’s hooked like none other, especially because her reasons for pulling away when she’s definitely as attracted to him as he is to her are unclear. maybe she just doesn’t want to seem easy? whatever it is, he likes it. he likes her.

-

“so what's the plan?” soobin asks. 

“what do you mean?” you blink as you turn towards him, effectively taken out of your daze. you've been staring at a new instagram picture of beomgyu for at least ten minutes now. there's not much going on in it — it's just a candid taehyun took of him — but you can't stop the yearning you feel in your heart as you wish you had been the one to take it, instead.

“i mean, what's your big plan to ‘help’ him this time?” there’s a trace of resentment in his tone as he puts air quotes around “help”. you know he thinks you're just wasting your time on a boy who will never feel the same way you do, but what can you do? you still love him.

“i’m… i’m just going to talk him up to chae, no big deal,” you say rather unconvincingly, because it is a big deal. it’s the biggest deal in the world to you.

“and what are you gonna say? ‘hey, i know you know beomgyu is garbage, but deep down, he’s actually not garbage even though, even deeper down, he really is?’” his words are sarcastic and, for lack of a better term, downright hateful. 

“he’s not garbage, binnie,” you chastise. “he’s actually really sweet once you get to know him.”

“sweet? sweet how, exactly?” he sneers. you just sigh and shake your head. beomgyu is a frequent point of contention in your friendship with soobin, but you don’t know how to overcome it. mostly, arguments surrounding him devolve into conversations like the one you’re having right now. 

“he puts on a tough act, but he’s not really like that on the inside,” you insist. “you just don’t know him like i do.”

“and thank god for that,” he snorts, and you frown. you can tell he feels guilty by the way his expression immediately softens. 

“hey, i’m sorry,” he says, tucking your hair behind your ear. “i just don’t like to see you hurting.”

“i’m not hurting,” you lie. “i’m totally fine. it’s just… i just want to see him happy.” you actually do mean that last part. beomgyu, though seemingly carefree, is actually a lot more insecure and sensitive than one might think. you know this because he’s shown you that side of him many, many times, which must mean that he trusts you like no one else. you are honored to be the one he feels comfortable with, and even if it never amounts to anything more than that, you’re thankful you get to see how he really is. 

“and you think being with a new girl every week will make him happy?” he softly asks, no edge to his voice, but his words hurt even more than they did before.

“it's different this time, binnie. i'm serious. i've never seen him like this before. i think he really likes her.” and the words almost kill you to say, but you mean them, anyway. 

“okay,” he relents. “just do what you want to do. i’ll be there for you no matter what.” 

“thank you,” you reply with a small smile, before putting your nose back into your phone and staring at beomgyu’s pictures again. you don’t catch it, but soobin sighs as he watches you. 

-

you’ve been trying really, really hard. usually, all you have to do is talk about good points about beomgyu, and women fall for it hook, line, and sinker. chaewon is not most women, though, and she makes that abundantly clear with the polite smiles and airy laughs she gives you when you try to bring up beomgyu. 

you don't get it. if you had beomgyu’s attention, you’d never let it go, so it makes no sense to you how someone could have it without taking the opportunity to seize it. if it were you, you’d seize it. if it were you, you'd tell him you’ve loved him since the first time you saw him. if it were you — well, it doesn't really matter, does it? because it isn't you. still, you can’t help but dream.

the sentiment that it will never be you becomes clearer and clearer as you watch beomgyu try to initiate conversation with chaewon at his very own house party you are currently attending. you watch from the sidelines as they sit uncomfortably close together, legs flush against one another, as beomgyu wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her in to whisper in her ear. you like to think you’re content with him being with her even if it means you’ll be without him, but it’s difficult to feel that way when you actually see it playing out before you. your heart feels like stone weighing heavily in your chest as she giggles at whatever he says, and you think that things might start looking up for him before her smile suddenly melts into a little frown. 

without warning, she pries his arm off of her and gives him a perfunctory smile before standing up and smoothing out her skirt. then, she grabs her drink from the coffee table and he's left alone. his previously delighted expression is now filled with irritation and disappointment. you're still staring at him, just trying to get a read on the situation as you're left reeling, and before you know it, he's looking up at you. you're a little embarrassed at being caught, but you realize you can play your intrigue off as objectively analyzing the situation in order to help him better. surely he’ll fall for that, right? every time you say something similar, he buys it with no further questions.

he makes eye contact with you then nods towards his room as a silent plea to talk to him in private. if someone were to ask you how you’re able to deduce all of that from one look alone, you’d probably say it’s because you know beomgyu like the back of your hand — and maybe you do, but it’s like a subconsciously trained reaction more than anything. just as you know what beomgyu will do next, he knows you’ll understand his seemingly innocuous gestures. 

you head up the stairs and beomgyu shuts his bedroom door behind you. you prepare to launch into your readymade explanation as to why you were rubbernecking earlier, but he speaks before you can say anything at all.

“why isn’t it working?” he huffs. “did you talk to her like i asked you to?”

“yes, of course i did!” you eagerly insist. you would never lie to beomgyu — well, not about this, at least. your secret feelings are another story. 

“then why does she keep rejecting me?” he huffs. you wish you could answer him. truly, you do. you scramble for the right words, but you sincerely can't wrap your head around her logic, or lack thereof. 

he’s still waiting for an answer, though, so you think back to the recent conversations you’ve had with soobin, and you realize there’s only one plausible conclusion. 

“she just doesn’t know you enough, beoms. if she knew how you really are and how much you like her, she wouldn't act this way; but honestly, she probably thinks you’re just messing with her,” you explain, and you hope beyond hope that he doesn’t take it the wrong way. you don’t want to hurt his feelings by suggesting that his (newly) former playboy ways could be ruining his chances with her.

beomgyu’s feelings, of course, are not hurt. in fact, he just feels more annoyed than anything else. it’s really fucking irritating how he can’t seem to get a read on her or her intentions. she likes him, he can definitely tell, so what’s the problem with him having a messy past? it’s clear that it doesn’t bother you. well, it does, but in a different way. you’d forgive his previous transgressions in a heartbeat if it meant that he’d look your way, so why can’t she be the same? but then, he supposes that comparing someone as lovesick as you are to a normal girl is a bit unfair. 

but why are you so lovesick? it’s obvious that he’s handsome and funny, so falling for him is only natural, but your devotion is on another level. not only that, but you’re devoted in spite of the fact that he clearly wants nothing to do with you. in all honesty, it’s almost like you love him even more when you see him chasing after somebody else... then suddenly, the solution is clear. he has to make her think he doesn’t want her; and the easiest way to do that is to pretend he’s interested in someone else. in the same vein, who better else to pretend with than one of chaewon’s closest friends? you’re absolutely perfect for the job.

beomgyu’s demeanor goes from irritated to self-satisfied, and it puzzles you to no end. maybe he figured out a way to show his true feelings for her? but then why is he looking at you with such intensity? he’s never looked at you this way in the many years that you’ve known him. wait, did he realize something?  please, god, don’t let that be the case. you really don’t think you can —

and your train of thought is stopped when beomgyu strides over to you and locks the door behind you. you look up at him with confusion in your eyes before you finally register what that intense gaze of his really is: predatory.

suddenly, his lips are on yours and you’re holding back a squeal. your eyes widen as he cups his big hands around your cheeks and pulls you in even closer. he tastes like alcohol, which is to be expected, but there's a certain uniqueness to his taste that you can't really put into words; and you’re able to taste it even more as his tongue enters your mouth. you groan at the action, and surprisingly, he does, too. 

you always assumed kissing beomgyu would make you feel like everything was finally right in the world, and it does — it really, sincerely does — but there’s also a certain spark you were not anticipating. something a lot more fiery, and it shoots straight to your core as your tongues tangle together lasciviously. beomgyu seems to know this, and he smirks into the kiss before trailing his warm mouth down your neck. you gasp at the sensation, which just makes him laugh. 

his hands have traveled from your cheeks to your chest, one staying there to grab at your tits while the other one carelessly finds its way up your skirt. 

“so wet,” he whispers in awe when he rubs his fingers against your soaked panties. “is this all because of me?” you feel your cheeks warm and you’re stammering out your next words.

“w-well, i —” 

“is this all because of me?” he repeats, and you give him a feeble nod before covering your face in shame.

“cute,” he snickers, and your previously warm cheeks are now scorching to the touch. 

he moves your panties to the side and rubs against your sensitive clit, which sends pulsations through your entire body, but that’s nothing in comparison to how you feel when he presses a finger into your dripping hole. 

“you’re so tight,” he whispers, lust clearly written all over his face at the prospect of being in your pussy relatively soon; but he wants to enjoy this, he wants to enjoy the way your face screws up as he presses his finger so deep, he’s hitting places previously untouched. he slowly pulls it out, grazing your most sensitive spot with ease before adding another digit in, making you almost groan from the stretch. you bite your lip to avoid making such a sound, but beomgyu pays your attempted discretion no mind as he starts to hammer his fingers into you at a brutal pace. 

it doesn’t take long for you to come undone around his skilled fingers, and once you’re done pulsating around him, he takes them out for a taste. 

“so good,” he remarks, and though your breathing is heavy and your eyes are hazy, you still have it in you to feel embarrassed. he takes your smaller hand in his and leads you to his messy bed, carelessly sweeping every loose item — a t-shirt here, an old cd there — off of it in one go. he lays you down and hungrily licks his lips once he strips you down until you’re fully unclothed. 

you’re feeling extremely small in this moment. you know beomgyu has had his pick of the litter when it comes to women, so you can’t help but wonder how you fare in comparison to the literal bombshells he’s been known to take home. mostly, though, you wonder how you compare to chaewon, as awful as that sounds. if you really think about it, there’s no comparison to be made, really. she’s her, and you’re you. what else is there to say, honestly? still, you’re comforted by the thought that you are the one underneath him right now, not her, and he does not seem disappointed in the slightest if the tent in his jeans means anything at all.

before you can think too much about it, he’s practically tearing his shirt off and you can’t help but stare. his torso is lean and a little paler than the rest of him, probably due to the lack of sun. objectively speaking, he’s no greek god or anything similar, but to you, he’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen. if he notices your awed reaction, he doesn’t say anything or really care, because he is simply too busy studying how perfect you seem to look under his dimmed lights. again, he is delighted at the prospect of being inside of you very soon.

he unzips his jeans and slides them, along with his boxers, off of his slim thighs and you can finally see him completely. his cock is a red so deep it’s nearly purple, with evidence of his lust leaking out of its flared tip. you’ve heard a lot about beomgyu’s physique from stories, his and his hookups’ alike, but nothing prepared you for the real thing. you’re not a virgin or anything, but you’re still unsure of how you’re meant to fit him inside of you. and you have no idea how you’re supposed to approach the subject. 

beomgyu does not seem to understand your internal battle, though, because he wastes no time in lining himself up with your entrance. before he pushes in, though, he drags his cock along your soaking wet seam just to coat himself in your slick. when he feels he can’t take any more of his own teasing, he begins to push in.

“j-jesus christ!” he exclaims as he tries to push his tip through your entrance. “are you a virgin or some shit?”

“nngh — n-no! i-i’m not. i’ve — mmh — i’ve had boyfriends before,” you say as best as you can while dealing with the feeling of him literally fucking you open. you’re worried he’s not enjoying himself in light of his outburst and his decidedly strained expression. 

“god, s-so tight,” he drawls. “feels so goddamn good.” he draws his hips back before pushing in again, further this time, and his words of praise seem to comfort you somehow, because he’s able to sheathe himself completely in you. 

he groans when he feels your gummy walls wildly contracting around him — unsure of what to do with the pleasurable intrusion and working tirelessly to simultaneously push him out and pull him in. you, on the other hand, feel nothing but full. you’re so full you ache, so after a few moments of adjusting, your watery eyes are filled with an insatiable sense of pleading. 

“you okay?” he asks, actually somewhat sweetly.

“y-yes — ah — i just feel w-weird,” you say. “feel so — fuck — full.” your seemingly innocent words drive him to the brink of insanity, so with reddened eyes, he grabs your hips so hard, you know he’ll leave marks in his wake, and without warning he begins drilling into you.

his thrusts are not calculated or intentional in any sense — they’re rough and fast and show his desperation. why he’s so desperate, he has no idea. beomgyu is sleazy even on a good day, so women come a dime a dozen, but he feels an unquenchable need he feels will only be satisfied if he continues to fuck you like a man gone mad. so he does.

your breasts bounce with every thrust and while he wants to grab one, his thirst only makes him want to go even deeper in you, so he employs his hands to manhandling you into a mating press. the new position has him going even deeper, and you can feel him hitting your cervix with each nasty snap of his hips. tears at the sheer feeling of being overwhelmed spring in your eyes and you have to clamp your hand over your lips to keep from crying out.

“let me hear you,” he pleads while gently moving your hand from your mouth and not-so-gently fucking you like a breeding whore, and he’s not sure if he’s saying it because he wants to make sure chaewon hears or just because he desperately wants to hear you for himself. 

“fuck!” you exclaim, tears flowing freely down your cheeks. “s-so big!”

“oh, sweetheart,” he rambles, “who were you fucking before? they didn’t deserve this tight little pussy. they didn’t fuck you like you deserve to be fucked — like a good little whore.” 

“‘m n-not a whore,” you tearily insist, somehow convinced that he means his words. you’re not completely inexperienced, but you’re not a whore, right?

but your innocence only makes him wanna ruin you more, claim you completely. 

“you’re taking cock so well, but you wanna tell me you’re not a whore?” he snickers meanly, and you feel so delirious, you find yourself agreeing with what he says. 

the lewd sounds of skin meeting skin and the sharp knocking of the headboard fill the room, and the heat you feel building up inside of you has you seeing stars. beomgyu pulls you in for a sloppy, wet kiss as he finally lets one of your legs down in order to snake his hand against your clit, which he languidly rolls in the midst of his pistoning in and out of you. 

“are you gonna come for me?” he asks as his lips part from yours. “are you gonna come all over my cock?” 

“y-yes, please,” you sob. “wanna come!”

“then do it, baby. let go for me,” and with the way he’s rolling your clit while fucking into you, you can’t help but comply.

he hisses when he feels you contracting around him, tightening up even more than before and pulling him in impossibly deeper. that’s all it takes, really, before he comes undone himself and sprays his thick, hot load into your spasming pussy. 

he collapses on top of you, and both of you take a few moments just to catch your breath before he pulls out of you with a wince. he’s absolutely enthralled by the way the mix of both of you two’s cum leaks out of you as soon as he does so. he’s almost tempted to swirl it back in and plug you up, but his rational side stops him before he can do anything he’ll regret. 

“are you on the pill?” he asks, and you nod.

“good, go ahead and get a plan b, too. just in case,” he says with a quick kiss to your forehead, and you nod with a delirious smile even in spite of his pedantic words. you’re just so happy you got to sleep with him, be closer to him.

“oh, i almost forgot to actually tell you,” he laughs. “i think fucking you will make chaewon jealous. i think we put on a pretty good show tonight, don’t you?” 

and your heart and your hope and your dignity shatter like nothing else. 

“y-yeah,” you try to reply with a laugh, but it sounds more forced than anything else you’ve ever heard in your life. “it was a really good show.”

-

“you slept with him?!” soobin asks, and he seems beyond frustrated. if you had the guts to look him in his eyes, though, you’d notice just how much hurt is in them. 

“y-yeah…” you mumble, face downcast.

“why? why would you do that? you’re just going to be even more hurt!” he exclaims, and you shrink into yourself even more, not out of fear, but out of pure shame. 

“i don’t know! it all just happened so fast, a-and i, i don’t know, i just couldn’t stop myself,” is all you manage to say. soobin groans at your words. 

“you do realize that getting over him is going to be even harder for you now, right?” he asks, and you finally look up at him for a second before looking back down and nodding, and it’s almost like you’re a child who got caught doing something they knew was wrong.

“i know, and i’m sorry,” you mutter, still struggling to make eye contact, but soobin catches your timidity and his gaze is softened as he pulls your face up to look at him. 

“you don’t have to apologize to me,” he sighs. “i’m just worried about you, you know?” 

“i know, i know. but i’m still really sorry.” and you don’t have to elaborate on why that is because you both know that he’ll be the one helping you pick up the pieces when this situation inevitably breaks your heart even more than it’s already broken, if that’s even possible.

“it’s alright,” he says, pulling you in for a hug that’s so warm and kind you almost burst into tears. “you’ll be alright. i’m here.” 

-

this is a bad idea. soobin would yell at you if you told him what you’re up to, but you don’t want to think about that right now. all you want to think about is how much better you’ll feel after you get your secret feelings off of your chest. up until now, the fear of rejection has made you too afraid to tell beomgyu how you really feel, but things can’t get much worse than they are at present, can they? it’s only been a few days since your hookup with beomgyu, but your love is eating you alive and you doubt that you’ll be able to hold it in for much longer.

things will probably go badly, and he’ll probably be completely blindsided, but the thought of continuing to lie to beomgyu’s face hurts more than anything else ever could. even more than the pain you feel every day that he unconsciously hurts your feelings. maybe this will ruin your friendship, but you love beomgyu, and he loves you, even if it’s not in the way that you want. all you can do is hope that your friendship is strong enough to overcome this.

with that mindset, you find yourself at his doorstep on this particularly cool summer night. you know he’s home because you can hear the faint sounds of whatever movie he’s watching emanating from his door. before you can lose your nerve, you begin to rapidly knock. before long, you hear the shuffling of feet nearing you, and you almost bolt then and there, but he’s quick to open the door when he realizes it’s just you.

“what are you doing here?” he asks, agitation apparent. oh god, were you interrupting something? what if he was working? what if he was sleeping? you should've texted before just showing up unannounced. 

“i-i’m sorry, are you busy?” you ask sheepishly.

“... no,” he says after a slight pause, and he opens the door to let you in. you sit yourself on his couch, posture ramrod straight due to how fucking uncomfortable you are, and you try to steady your breathing as you fiddle with your fingers. 

“is this about chaewon?” he asks, breaking the silence, and your heart aches at the trace of hope in his words.

“n-no, nothing like that. i just —”

“is there any update on that?” he cuts in before you can even get your words out.

“oh, um, not really,” you reply before remembering that something has happened, but you’ve been so out of it, it genuinely didn't occur to you to tell him. “wait, actually, she mentioned that you seem different lately, but she, uh, she’s still… well, to be honest, she’s —” 

“what? she’s still what?” and there’s no patience for your rambling to be seen.

“she’s still not interested in dating you,” you mumble, unable to look him in the eyes when you say it. he’s completely silent after your words, and when you do finally gather enough guts to actually look at him, you really, really wish you had just kept your face down. because he’s pissed. 

“are you fucking with me? she really said that?” he asks, and you nod. 

“why didn’t you tell me earlier?!” and you feel so disoriented at the way things are unfolding that you can barely croak out a reply.

“i-i forgot.” 

“you forgot? jesus christ, if it’s not about her, then why are you here?” he seems angrier than you’ve ever seen him, but his words get you to finally remember what you’re here for.

“i just… i needed to talk to you,” you say pleadingly, looking into his eyes as you try your hardest to give yourself the strength to be honest with him.

“about?” 

it takes all of the courage in your poor little heart to choke out your next words. 

“beomgyu, you know, for the longest time, i’ve —”

“i know,” he impatiently snaps. you’re unsure of what he’s referencing, but you do know he has no idea about the feelings you’ve kept hidden for so long. 

“no. no, you don’t know, actually,” you argue, brave face on, but voice shakier than a leaf. “i just need to tell you that i —”

“that you love me? i know, that’s what i just fucking said,” he sighs irritatedly. “why else would you help me? ‘cause you love me so much, right?” he knows it’s wrong to take his frustration out on you, but you’re so pathetic, you make it too damn easy. you’re the perfect outlet for him to unleash all of his anger.

“you… you knew? this entire time?” you ask incredulously. you feel like you’re suffocating in the face of his callousness and disgust, and the room feels smaller than it did before.

“i mean, yeah. it was kind of obvious,” he muses. your cheeks feel so hot you’re sure you’re on the brink of immolation. it was obvious? if it was obvious, then why did he keep you around in the first place? because you’re useful when it comes to helping him get his dick wet?

“so… so why did you…” you trail off, still finding it inconceivable that the beomgyu you know and love could possibly know about your feelings; and not only are they unreciprocated by him, which you could understand and respect, but they’re nothing more than a fucking joke and means to an end. the end in question being burying himself into other women.

“why did i act like i didn’t know? because i don't feel the same way,” he answers, and you already knew it and knew it well, but that doesn't make it any more digestible to hear.

“y-yeah, but you — how could you still sleep with me? how could you do that to me?” you ask, lips wobbling and voice cracking. you can't believe this. you won't believe this. you have to be misunderstanding something somewhere. there's just no way this is it.

“because it was easy,” he says with a shrug, and your heart shatters into a million pieces. 

because it was easy. 

easy. what a funny word. you don’t think you even fully comprehend what it means in this context, actually. easy, easy, easy, but what part of this has been easy for you? every day, it’s like you’re killing yourself by trying to twist into what he wants you to be. a friend, a confidant, and now, even a lover. but lover is being too generous, isn't it? because he does not love you, not even as a friend, and this discovery becomes clearer and clearer as you think back to every time he’s shown you just how little he cares.

soobin’s litany of warnings come back to haunt you with a vengeance. 

he’s just using you. 

he’s garbage.

he’s just gonna hurt you.

and though you know soobin will take no pleasure in being correct, you can't help but dread the “i told you so” you know he will never be mean enough to say, but will inevitably think.

“i thought we were friends,” you say incredulously, dread and anxiety pooling in the deepest recesses of your heart. “i thought you cared about me” 

and he doesn’t shrug or anything because he doesn’t really need to, but he might as well seeing as how it clearly makes no difference to him. and this is finally how you come to understand that beomgyu is just as bad as everyone says. maybe even a little worse. and he will continue to act like a sociopath for as long as you let him. 

“i-i love you, i really do. but no fucking way. i won’t sit here and let you treat me like shit,” you declare, tears flowing down your cheeks so quickly and steadily you’d probably be unable to wipe them away even if you tried. luckily or unluckily, you don’t even have the strength to find out. 

“you’re going to regret this,” you whisper, and it’s said with such certainty that for a moment, he almost believes you. almost, but not quite.

either way, you’re booking it out of his door before he can even reply.

-

this is everything beomgyu ever could’ve asked for. chaewon is sitting next to him on his bed, eyes dark with lust as she unceremoniously grabs the end of her top and tugs it off. she's beautiful, no doubt about that, but he feels more and more like something is incredibly wrong. 

she leans in to press her lips onto his, but he flinches, scooting almost imperceptibly further away from her on the bed. she falters for a moment before sighing and crawling on all fours to situate herself between his legs. she begins to unzip his pants and tug on his waistband before he frantically stops her.

“w-what are you doing?” he asks, voice shaking.

“blowing you, what does it look like i’m doing?” she replies with a roll of her eyes. “i just wish i had known you wouldn’t be into kissing or, like, actual foreplay, but whatever.” she continues her movement to pull his pants down before he stops her again. 

“what’s wrong?” she asks curiously, before finally realizing that he is, to what would normally be his eternal shame, completely soft. her mouth drops in shock, and in another universe, beomgyu has enough energy to care. but not in this one. in this one, his eyes are teary as he feels an implacable sense of dread he can’t seem to shake off. 

“oh god,” she says with conviction, pulling herself back up and running one hand through her hair. “i knew this would happen.” 

beomgyu, on his part, looks somewhat out of it, but her words bring him back to earth. 

“knew what would happen?” he asks tentatively, sniffling for reasons unknown to him while he tries not to let his tears run over his waterlines.

“i knew you’d act like this because of her,” she says begrudgingly. 

his eyebrows furrow for a second, not because he doesn’t already know who she’s talking about, but because he doesn’t understand the correlation between you and the situation he presently finds himself in.

“think about it,” she says slowly, condescendingly. “who do you trust, like, actually? and i’m not just talking about with getting girls, but with everything.” beomgyu is silent as he tries to comprehend what she's saying, but he’s nothing if not slow on the uptake in regards to human emotion. 

“oh, beomgyu, come the fuck on,” she sighs in frustration. “i mean, when you were stressed about that presentation for your job, who did you call? yunjin told me all about it. she said you spent hours reciting a 15 minute presentation to the girl you supposedly don’t give a fuck about.” ah. he remembers that night, actually, and he remembers it well. he called you in a panic, so you brought over some dinner because you knew he was stressed, but he was so wound up that you didn’t leave and even insisted that he practice with you in order to give him feedback. he spent the whole night repeating the same speech over and over again, but you sat patiently and encouragingly as he repeated the boring, inconsequential drivel to you. you never complained, not even once, and you didn’t ask him for any compensation in the form of him doing something — anything — similar for you, either. even if you had, he realizes, he wouldn't have given any to you, anyway.

“that’s…” 

“and that’s not even all of it. who’s the first one you look for when you walk into a room? and when something good happens, who do you tell first? not anybody else, and i know for a fact that it’s not me, never will be,” she says bitterly. every new point slashes at his heart and ego.

and suddenly, things start making sense, albeit in the worst possible way. beomgyu loves you. his trust and dependence on you all make an awful sort of sense, but in a way, it’s relieving to finally be able to put a name to this feeling. his eyes still feel hot, but not so much because something feels wrong, but because things finally feel right for the first time in forever. he loves you, has loved you, and will continue to love you.

her words resonate with him so deeply, she can read it all over his face. it doesn’t take a genius to figure out that he finally understands, but he’s still missing an important fact. the most important fact, even. 

“yeah, i guess you finally get it now. you have feelings for her. and the worst thing is: you treat her like shit.” his eyes widen and the tears that were just threatening to escape are completely let loose. how could he only come to this realization after he already effectively stomped on your heart and your pure intentions? after you’ve made it clear that you don’t want anything to do with him anymore? and he has nobody but himself to blame, really; he practically shoved you away over and over and over again. 

“i-i didn’t mean to —” 

“sure, of course you didn’t,” she says with a sarcastic smile. “whatever makes you feel better for fucking over the girl who’s been in love with you for years.”

-

beomgyu may not know much about the inner workings of interpersonal relationships, but he does know he needs to see you, and he’s smart enough to understand that he needs to apologize. 

but beomgyu has never apologized for anything in his life — not unless you count the times his mother made him grit them out as a child when he would objectively do something wrong, but this is another matter entirely. nobody will be holding his hand as he does it, and he’s not even really sure where to start. but he knows he has to try.

surely there’s a better place to try than at the bar where he currently finds himself, but then, there’s no time like the present. not to mention that he has a sneaking suspicion that you're avoiding all of your mutual friends’ get-togethers for the sole purpose of avoiding him. if the blocking of all of his socials wasn’t enough, the blocking of his phone number certainly was.

it’s not necessarily fate’s fault that he finds himself here, either. he heard from a friend (chaewon) that you’d be here tonight. he sees you from across the bar looking lively and chatty, and he prays that the good mood you seem to be in will help soften the upcoming conversation with him. to his luck, you step out of the bar to take a call, so he slides from his seat with an open beer bottle in tow, and follows you outside. 

your back is turned, and he doesn’t quite hear what you’re talking about over the phone, but he does catch a giggle and a name, soobin’s, and it makes his heart ache. when you hang up, you turn to head back into the bar, but you’re met with his figure. 

“h-hey,” he says, and he wants to smack himself for the casual greeting he still managed to fuck up.

your eyes widen for a moment before they go blank, and you’re pushing past him without a response. 

“i need to talk to you,” he says, voice trembling as he grabs the back of your elbow, which you snatch out of his grip like his touch is poison. 

“about?” you ask curtly, barely even deigning to turn your head to look at him. you have never been so hostile towards anyone, let alone him, and it's making him spiral. 

“i’m sorry. i’m just really, really sorry,” he desperately apologizes. you’re silent for a few moments as you turn to completely face him with your arms crossed, and he’s trying his damndest to read your expression, but he can’t quite make it out.

“okay… and?” is all you say in response, and he fumbles over his words at your nonchalance. 

“a-and, um, i —”

“you know what?” you cut in with an impatient sigh and a wave of your hand. “i don’t care anymore. you’ve said enough.”

“but i —” 

“i don’t care, beomgyu.” and his name is said in such disgust that it sounds to him like it’s a chore for you to spit out. you’re about to turn and reenter the bar when his next words come tumbling out. 

“i think — i know —  i love you,” he says urgently, and your previously unreadable gaze turns into one of pure, sheer amusement. you’re so amused, you laugh, even. 

“what the fuck are you talking about?” you say between giggles.

“i-i didn’t realize it before, but i talked to chaewon, and she even said that i’ve probably always felt that way about you. i know i didn’t show it, but i really do love —”

“okay, just stop. stop it right there, beomgyu. i’m only going to say it just this once, so listen carefully, okay?” you ask, and he fervently nods. 

“okay. you don't know the first thing about love.” and he goes to interrupt you, but you don’t let him. “loving somebody means you put their feelings above your own. what the hell would you know about that?” 

“i’m… i know i was wrong, b-but i —” 

“beomgyu,” you say exasperatedly. “i’m so glad you’re finally reaching enlightenment, and i’m so happy i was cannon fodder for you to use to get there. but i just really, really don’t care anymore, okay? do what you want with whoever you want, but don’t bother me about it anymore, alright?” and he’s so stunned he can’t even form words, but you just shake your head and prepare to leave again. unconsciously, he goes to grab you again, which you consequently dodge, and he thinks this is the most rejected he’s ever felt before realizing it’s not over yet. it’s only truly over when you grab his bottle from him and splash its contents across his face before throwing the bottle back into his arms and leaving for good.

notes pt. 2: yeah... idk when part two will be out but stay tuned! also, if you all want a soobin ending let me know and i might... MIGHT do it ;_;

permanent taglist: @my313 @superbbananananana @lonelybutterflytae @cherrycolaberry @midwinterblizzard @everythingvirgoes @sooberryworld @20-cms @inkigayocamman @hyueika @boba-beom @vicurious28 @blossommi @lickingan0rchid @katsukis1wife @binniebakery @notevenheretbh1 @shymexican @milkandoranges @that1sadgrl @archoive @paegesoobin @buttercreamerie @ifwtxt @softesyoongi @serenityism00 @fairfootedflekk @kyanmeai

series taglist: @denleave1088 @calssunflower @wildernessuntothemselves @pluslandminun @enhasrii

join one of my taglists here!

[somuch-4-stardust]

okay i fear part of the reason im back on tumblr is so i can talk about my characters... so LISTEN UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or dont i will be yapping....

these are ocs but i reject calling them that because i despise the term (jk not really cuz its accurate to what they are... but i believe people do not respect ocs as much as they should like. not mine necessarily but yall have some awesome characters and they should be treated as such. like yknow if u went to jrr tolkien and said omg i love yr OCs from lord of the rings technically yr correct but it would be odd)

anyways. the series is called truth hurts (fun fact: theres a spin off alternate universe called lies kill in which everything just goes REALLY badly) and it follows a group of teen/young adult monsters as theyre losers and awful

the main guys name is max and hes emo and has eating issues. hes egyptian american and his mom is a mummy witch thing (long story. her name is iris ily iris). hes lowkey psychic and all his friends think hes a skeleton (like.... reanimated dead style) which is really funny cuz hes not hes just malnourished. hes 17 btw i think. i dont remember whatever

his best friend is selene and shes a werewolf and she lives in a community of werewolves and their families- werewolfism is a gene that doesnt always activate so not every1 in a family is a werewolf. so selene has 5 siblings and only 1 of them is also a werewolf. ANYWAYS! her family and max's are super close except being a werewolf is SUPER SECRET so she doesnt tell max and thinks he doesnt know. he totally does tho and thinks shes just super shy about it. selene is 19 african american and like if pinkie pie was an asshole sometimes. she loves fashion and is super messy and bright and awesome

the bffs leave to follow around their favorite band (more on that later) and they meet siblings salem and crow. btw yes i know my names are awful. i love them so much. anyways salem is a goth witch and in search of other witch covens (its another long story) and crow is her little brother. hes autistic and nonverbal and really likes dragons and the barbie movies and chocolate. hes 12ish and salem is 21 i think... they're both this african/native american/asian mix thats hard to explain because the witches are almost a complete separate race???? since they came to america from west coast africa and east asia like pre 1500s... ANYWAYS!

my personal favorite because i ahte him and want him dead is caesar. hes also called casper for a while. guess what ... hes a ghost! and he has a psychic connection with max because theyre lowkey highkey soulmates. basically caesar dies at 16 (murdered by his pastor. i really want to talk about this but i wont right now........) and gets sent to purgatory which is just a vast expanse of white. usually the dead who get stuck in purgatory go crazy and kill themselves within a year BUUTTTTTTT psychic max is able to visit caesar when max is asleep, which keeps him sane. two years later max and caesar find a way to bring him back (sort of....) and he joins the crew. also theyre gay. tfw you meet some guy in your dreams and save him from going insane and become his only tie to reality. anyways caesar is sort of 19 when he gets back but also he is still physically 16. hes my white blonde guy because you guys know how i am about blondes

and the forever forgotten (seriously none of my friends care about her) last member is marin. they're a selkie/mermaid/water creature (she calls herself a selkie but theyre not very similar to selkies in typical lore). theyre this wide eyed ginger 14 year old who is sort of a girl but the selkie species doesnt really folloow the same kind of gender so shes a she and a they and she doesnt care. she left her watery home of the great lakes to explore the world of humans and theyre super sweet and wonderful and also a little scary.

anyways. the whole gang basically is following around max's special interest favorite band- the lost boys. they're vampires but the world doesnt know because they think its just a bit cuz theyre an emo-goth band. they have nothing to do with the lost boys movie (or is it a show????) which i accidentally plagiarized despite never seeing or hearing about the movie until it was brought up by my friends. anyways theyre called the lost boys cuz their stage names are peter pan, wendy, slightly and nibs. real names being silas raven damon and archie. silas (lead guitarist) runs a clothing brand called 'truth hurts' and max is insanely obsessed with it(some of you know exactly what was inspo for this.....). silas shares that there will be different and exclusive truth hurts merch at every city on TLB upcoming tour so max takes all his savings out to road trip across america with selene and follow the tour. raven is transwomen with insane vocals (she uses her gorgeous low voice for singing but speaks in a more traditionally feminine higher pitched voice) and shes dating silas. damon is the bass guitarist and the oldest vampire in the band (was turned like 300 years ago). archie is IRISH! and the drummer. hes funny.

also salem and selene hate each other for most of the series but thats only because they absolutely are in love. max and caesar are doomed and in love forever. marin briefly has a crush on a fairy but they dont date. shes sort of aroish. crow will get a wonderful girlfriend a couple years post truth hurts series.

[andxnte]

hi everyone and happy midas opening day!! im super excited to be here and get involved so... let me introduce myself and the boy and hopefully get some connections going asap!!

anyway i'm mars (they/them, 25+, discord available upon request but im usually better in tumblr ims tbh) and this is chu dantae! though Officially it's romanized as "dante" for his celebrity work these days... i won't bore u with the fine details here since they're on his profile and history pages but i will kinda describe where he's at right now and include a few plot and connection ideas below!

ok about dante.....

this is unfortunate but he's actually incredibly asocial, depressed, burned out, and hates everyone and everything at all times. which might make him difficult to plot with but bear with me because i SWEAR there are ideas below to get started with...

tl;dr is that he's been doing this idol thing in some capacity for nearly 15 years and he's suffering from burnout and resents his image and his family who are constantly asking him for money yet he's been doing this since he was a kid so he has no other marketable skills and no idea what else he'd even want to do so. here he is. he's a muse really designed to dive into the nasty side of the industry and the psychological effect fame can have especially on someone young without a good support system!

very close friends only can call him dani behind the scenes. he'll probably change his name once he actually retires.

obviously he has his vices... and can be a little reckless behind the scenes, like he wants to ruin his own image and force his own retirement, but he doesn't want to actually plan it and cause it intentionally, so he's kinda playing mind games with himself and might sleep around, smokes, doesn't know moderation with drinking, goes to clubs (and then immediately goes home bc he's exhausted as it is and that only makes it worse), etc.

enough about him tbh let's get to the plot/connection ideas... it's a little tough since he's so asocial but let's see what we can do anyway!!

ok first of all there's a bunch of possible features up for grabs on his career page if anyone is interested in any of these! force dante to interact with his coworkers challenge. maybe your muse takes his asocial behavior as him being a diva, maybe they're sympathetic to his exhaustion, maybe they saw a little passion still left in him when he's actually doing music. lots open to discussion here!

also on his career page is mentioned that he was in a small company and unsuccessful boy band. i already looped @goldyashes into being another member of the group but it's absolutely open to more members... they just have to be older than dante. alternatively, the company could have had other trainees that overlapped paths w dante back then, maybe a girl group that was also ultimately unsuccessful?? i left things intentionally vague so we can plot around it!

exes, fwbs, hookups, flings, etc.... i feel like dante has/had a messy love life... admittedly he has a bad view of women because of fans so inevitably that's going to potentially shape relationships, possibly gravitates more towards men (he would like to be clear that despite appearances and his public image he is Not a sub bottom. just for the record)

he needs friends... people who put up with his prickliness because they know there's a good heart under there... he's actually so tsundere actually he'll say i hate u leave me alone but then he'll have your favorite drink in his fridge every time u come to see him...

he's great for making enemies/rivals too btw he's not afraid to be mean or to be the bully in someone else's life (if he feels justified in what he's doing/saying ofc... he's not evil for evil's sake)

uhhhh this is all i have for now but i'll add more as i think of things!! but please feel free to like the post or message me and let's plot!!!!!!

[temperamentalaquarius]

any thoughts on batman: black mirror? i really enjoyed it (as a non-batfamily fan) but i'm wondering if there is a difference of opinion with people who are actually acquainted with the context behind black mirror, i guess. which parts did you find the strongest + which parts did you find the weakest?

anyways, im a huge fan of your comics-posting (which is both, in the best way, entertaining and insightful). have a great day!

Ahhh thank u!! I'm glad I'm not the only one having fun 😁!!!

Thank you so much for sending this, I loved the dick!bats era and I liked The Black Mirror!!

I thought it was a decent Dick story, and I loved that it had Babs and Tim as the supporting cast. It was good to see them back(mostly) in their 90s early 2000s element.

I thought that the A plot was better than the serial killer B plot-; it had a lot of personal connection for Dick without being about the Graysons and orcas(which are some of the most vicious and borderline cruel predators that terrify me to my core and it was really cool to see them get some use)- even if I didn't find the ending super satisfying.

I thought James was interesting, and his story was more linear but the addition of the Joker into the situation was kind of just...messy and not entirely necessary? It kind of killed it for me. Idk I might just have Joker fatigue. I did like the coloring and a good portion of the art better in that part of the story, tho. I thought the mood they set was really cool and a little scary.

My high points were all (unsurprisingly) character based:

I loved the way Tim saving Dick from his own shit here

Kinda paralleled this scene in NW 96

But more mature. Watching them go from Dick mentoring Tim to them having a much more balanced relationship where Tim can fully have Dick's back has always been super satisfying and seeing it making a come back after their little fallout was cool

I also like the attention paid to the differences in Bruce and Dick's philosophy (specifically here:

) and the difficulty that Batman presents Dick because of it. Part of the appeal of Dick being Batman is the reluctance and the chunk of flesh it takes out of him and I think this story really got the tone of that right. He's making mistakes that he wouldn't normally, he's not sleeping; you can really tell that everything is getting to him. He feels like the walls are closing in on him with no way out (sometimes literally) and it makes the whole story kind of..weary? It's as much man vs man as it is man vs self. Love that many of the action sequences in the book happen in enclosed places that have an unstoppable deadly force converging on him with no way out and how that emphasizes the theme

OH and my absolute favorite analogy for the mindset that dick operates w/ is in this book

And how that works with his parents rules for survival

There's like... a debate on whether Dick plans or if he acts on instinct and I like the way that this breaks it down to: yes, he's planning from the start and if it seems like he isn't it's because that's what he wants you to think- but he understands that leaving space to bob and weave is a part of that process. Ultimate planner that is liable to start behaving erratically as fuck at any moment is such a fun look

Favorite fight was probably the horror forward snap at the auction, with honorarable mentions going to Dick v.s the compactor, Dick v.s. the orca, and of course Dick v.s. The bends

Worst was by far this one:

There is no way he should've been able to waltz into Babs' hideout without her knowing I'm so sorry it's just not realistic, like, that's Barbara Gordon???

[love-killed-the-superstar]

The Last Ronin 2: Re-Evolution Issue #1 LIVEBLOG

SPOILERS ABOUND. I'M NOT GOING TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS IT'LL PROBABLY GET SUPER LONG

Okay so Casey Marie's muscles are something I'm never going to get over. SHE LOOKS GOOD!!!!! Her getup is feeling a little too reminiscent of a cape-wielding superhero for my tastes to be honest - I really loved the more practical outfits she wore in TLR Lost Years, especially in issue 4 when she was running the training mission for the kids. But ah well, I'm sure this will grow on me. It may not be practical (edna's law of no capes is coming to mind, also PLEASE TIE YOUR HAIR UP WHEN YOU'RE FIGHTING GIRL!!!) but it's very cunty anyway which I appreciate

Straight up thought she killed this guy - what was that sound effect if he's still able to walk??? I fr thought she snapped his neck

IDK if we needed a whole 8 pages of punching and kicking to exposition dump what we kinda already knew from what's been shown in the lost years (esp the lost day special) but IT'S FINE IG... NOW ONTO THE BABIES

SORRY, SORRY. TEENAGERS NOW.

GIGGLING KICKING MY FEET. We're ALREADY getting the leo-v-raph adjacent dynamic with these two and I'm living for it. if one of them drops a stone cold 'fearless leader' jab i will lose my shit

HI? HELLO, EXCUSE ME, MIND-TALKING? PICTURES IN HEAD? ARE WE A FAMILY THAT LUCID DREAMS OR SOMETHING?!?? I DON'T REMEMBER THIS BEING SOMETHING THEY COULD DO?? every new speech bubble here is like a punch to the gut, wdym telepathy wdym secret lair wdym honouring everything master splinter taught you???? (although i'm proud that when this panel dropped on news sites i was immediately like THAT ISN'T THE KITCHEN FROM LOST YEARS. turns out it was a Secret Lair TM)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Seance -- TURTLES COUNT IT OFF!!

not gonna screenshot the whole backstory but they're basically doing a telepathic puppet show explaining the backstory and it's pretty much the mirage origins with a bit of extra tlr flair. as always it HURTS ME seeing the turtles dying so thanks for that tlr2 :'')) icb these kids watch a mind movie of their uncles dying every fucking night. yall are messy

SOBBING AND CRYING,, I WISH YOU'D ALL HAD THE CHANCE TO KNOW HIM TOO!!!!!! I WISH YOU'D GOTTEN TO KNOW ALL OF THEM!!!!! (tlr splinter doesnt count tho because hes a dick)

there was a cool sequence of them rooftop hopping n stuff but i wont cover it bc we already saw it in a bunch of news articles weeks ago

i just did the SHARPEST INHALE. casey marie you and your beautiful muscular arms have aged like the finest wine

YI NO!!!!!

lmaooo moja is JUDGING your taste in women u two

lots of text... blah blah blah jobs, crimerates, blah blah... jiro in pig uniform jumpscare.. casey marie i thought u were going to fix him :(((

YESSSSS KIDS ARE GOING ON A MISSION WITH THEIR MOM, LETS FUCKING GOOOOO

MY BABIES ARE KICKING ASS!!!!!

....,.HUH

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO MY BABY BOY ODIE!!!!!!!!!!! WHO DID THIS TO HIM!!!!!!???? WHAT??!???? HUH/1?!!? EXCUSE ME????

I'M . LIKE WHAT DO I EVEN SAY TO THIS. IT CAME OUT OF NOWHERE??? WHAT IS GOING ON!!!

FINAL THOUGHTS:

dude that first issue was wordy but the kids were ON POINT. they were so fun!! their dialogue is fun and they kick ass.

i loved yi announcing the punishment for casey while the others were like NOO SHE DIDNT MEAN THAT DONT LISTEN TO HER. we're getting more of their personalities and it's great!! it was a nice throwback to issue 2 of lost years when they were cleaning - yi refused to help because of how strictly she was following instructions. im picking up that she might be neurodivergent but i did get that from the lost years too - only doing things within strict instructions, getting frustrated at teaching odyn chess, not because of him playing horseys with the knights but that it was Against The Rules Of Chess - and now not picking up on some social cues. It's nice to see!! I love her very much, but it feels like besides rehashing the origin story she took a bit of a backseat to the other three.

i want to know more about why uno said being a rebel was moja's 'thing', since she didn't seem to be any more rebellious than the other three in this issue. we didn't get any unique interactions between her and casey marie which is what i felt was lacking from lost years but i wonder if this is hinting towards a more turbulent mother-daughter dynamic with them... I REALLY HOPE SO!! her and uno butting heads in a leo-raph way is very fun - i don't mind one or two prior group dynamics leaking into the new turtle siblings because they're all so different from the original 4.

uno seems to be taking on slightly more of a leader role than moja so i think he won the title of fearless leader. which is fine, i think it'll be fun to see and he's definitely less of an asshole now than when he was growing up in lost years. still picking on odyn a bit but seems to snipe at moja just as much. even when he was commenting on yi's storytelling he didn't make fun of her, though - i think she may have inherited the 2k3 don ability of being Completely Unbullyable.

i was really pleased that odyn felt more involved!! i feel like he took the backseat a few times in lost years - it was fun seeing more of his personality shine through! he and yi seem to get on the best, and i giggled at them rolling their eyes at moja and uno's raph-leo schtick. i didn't expect him to TURN TO FUCKING STONE THOUGH, so i'm nervous about that. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? WHO DID THIS TO MY BOY? IS HE GOING TO TURN BACK NEXT CHAPTER OR IS HE OUT OF COMMISSION UNTIL THE END OF THE RUN??? (if it's the latter i'll be a bit annoyed - don't take odyn away from the equation please!!)

I do wonder if by introducing casually that they can PSYCHICALLY CONNECT, the turtles will use that as a technique to reach odyn's mind to make sure he's still in there and piece together what's happened to him. i mean, their casual telepathy has gotta be some sort of chekhov's gun right?

and shit.... april was so fucking mad casey took the babies out so she's going to EXPLODE when she finds out what happened to her baby boy, her beloved favourite, her baby odyn :''(( im giggling rubbing my hands together waiting for the fallout but also if she cries i might cry too. speaking of april, she seems to be working on a new project and i saw nano particles mentioned - are we going to have a roninverse version of nano in this run???? I NEED MY ROBOT SON

as always, casey marie... u have aged like fine wine. u are stunning. disappointed that ur still believing that jiro can do good as a cop when their entire police force and government is corrupt as fuck. just feels very naive of her. i'm excited to see her break down at the concept of losing odyn - in fact i need everyone to mourn this beautiful kid. they tell us so much that shes a super clingy helicopter mom and i am picking up on the strict part, but it would be nice to see more of her just... hugging her kids. holding them. i get why she didnt in this issue but id love more mama casey squishing their cheeks and kissing their foreheads.

i have zero fucking clue what's going on with odyn. im wondering if it's somehow related to nano, or to whatever project April is working on - she says it's to do with clearing the tunnels, but I''m not convinced. who knows, there might be some ulterior motive happening.

Anyway, that's the end of my liveblog!! thanks for reading all the way to the end... go read it wherever you read ur comics!!!

[arthuluart]

Hiii - wanted to say first thing first I love your art style, it's so dynamic and fun and those color palettes? Stunning ^^

And second thing second, just some food for thought if you ever want to get angsty about Jerry and Dean, coffee by Chappell Roan sounds like it was written about their break up specifically and I can't stop thinking abt it dndnden

*Cue me losing my mind*

Hiii- they say flattery gets you everywhere and turns out with me, it gets you animatics- jkjk but I do appreciate the kind comments ^^

I’ll put up the animatic separately and take the opportunity to leave the preamble here to keep the video post neat bc until someone tells me to shut up and just post art- I’m gonna ramble… So here’s the commentary you didn’t ask for along with my favourite panels:

First off- You turned me into a big time Chappell Roan listener which is great bc I need music recs to fix my listening habits before Spotify wrapped drops. My roundup last year was shameful… Red Wine Supernova is my new dish washing song.

Even tho it’s not the song’s vibe I kept the content as silly as I could for my own sanity. I don’t love getting too deep into the serious/sad side of M+L for a few reasons but I do find it all very interesting. Point being this song was too good to pass up doing something a bit bigger for.

Ngl tho- this did have me pulling out hair at multiple points. I never colour animatics, rarely even tone them- but you mentioned colour palettes and I was determined to deliver so pardon the messy colouring but (that was the tradeoff) I did not have it in me to stay in the lines. I’m choosing to be kind to myself and opt to call it an artistic choice and not midway burnout. And nothing was gonna get me to open after effects/premiere not even the janky ass golf ball OML this only makes sense if u watch the video.

There are parts of this I’m SO happy with and others I hate. I think it’s really obvious which sections I started losing steam on but overall I lowkey like the end product. Nothing I make will ever be good/perfect- this was one hell of a practice in accepting that lmao- but I can still be ok with the work problems and all yknow? I very nearly shelved this completely bc I got so worked up about the maybe 5 panels I dislike out of 106 total. Counting them was eye opening to ask myself: you’re gonna let that small a ratio stop you from sharing this after putting in days and days of effort? The insecurity goes deep and TBH getting asks has been a nice way of working through it since I post the art I make for answers no matter what only bc I KNOW someone out there wants to see it. It might not sound it but it’s actually quite positive.

Also, although I feel I’ve done my fair share of reading, I’m no expert. So if anything is really off point- sorry my bad (I won’t fix it tho bc I cannot physically stand to look at this another second lol)

I tried to stick to real things found in articles/books/photos/interviews etc bc outside of obviously fictional AUs I’m not super into making stuff up about them (and who needs to I mean the legit stuff is already insane enough) Sure I framed the events in specific ways to suit the song and some aspects are fictionalized (mainly bc the referenced written accounts lacked detail to draw 100% faithfully from anyhow) but otherwise I got my sources cited.

ANYWAYS… sorry for hijacking this answer I need to learn to chill out. Irl I’m a pretty reserved talker so you can tell I’m in a comfy place when I let loose and blather on endlessly lmao brevity is not a skill I possess.

You were probably expecting illustrations or smth but I hope what I came up with is still somewhat alright AND please don’t let my complaining fool you, I genuinely loved making this.

One FINAL Relevant Note: the line “nowhere else is safe every place leads back to your place” is gut wrenching. You’re so right about this song perfectly describing the break up. They always came back to each other and there’s something so devastating about that kind of haunting human connection.

OkAY I’m done promise- I thought I’d implode if I didn’t get all that out

[elwolfen]

Alfred Molinathon Day 2:

The Steal (1995)

Cliff Williams

His Role: I didn't expect much going in. Hell, I have never heard of this movie till I watched this for the marathon. A sculptor and clean freak roped into a hi-tech robbery with the messiest American woman to exist and it's a romance!? Excuse me? I love it. I was not expecting a romance, I just knew it was a comedy!

He was hilarious to watch in this unraveling series of events. Him playing this Tony Brummel character and Kim, as his fiance? I love her aggressive, fake New York accent and her playing dumb. Every time no one was looking, he'd just quietly snap at her. To which I was mimic but with more aggressive growling because I thought it was funny to me.

Kim being tech savvy and Cliff being a luddite (being opposed to new tech) is interesting. She'll go on about the intricacies of what she can or can't do with her laptop and him just trying to grasp any of the words she's saying. But then the reverse happens when it comes to his building planner expertise, and she gets feel the ame as hedie with her hacking. Very nice touch, simple and effective.

Every time she'd make a mess and he just stare in disbelief of her disrespect, I really felt that (even though I can also be quite messy). Her being like, hey, I made you coffee and he finds the milk and stuff spilled all around the cup of coffee was insane. I swear she had to do that on purpose!

Kidnapping Childwell was certainly a chore for the two, first getting the man in the first place! Cliff putting on a fake beard over his beard was an interesting choice, and it constantly falling off when waiting for Lord Childwell to get ready was making me squirm with anticipation of the fact he might get caught, always trying to fix while quickly switching back to his stoic and stone-faced persona as the driver. I'd probably keep questioning my eyes or sanity if I was the Lord. And the drive while Kim tries to start the gas to knock him out, my God! What was the issue? Have Cliff help you! Instead, it kept spiraling out of control till the point she just shoves the little hose into the man's mouth and held his nose. Goodness, savage. After getting him to Mrs. Fawkes and taking the poodle pictures, Cliff is constantly threatening to cut off his ears and be like: I'm not being serious, calm down, you should have Stockholm by now. And yet he gives him a coat because he's worried he'll be chilly when they drop him in the middle of nowhere... he's giving this man whiplash! Probably Kim too. To be honest, I'd be the same.

I realized when watching this that wet suits? Kind of sexy, at least on those two~

Kim pretending to be French while Childwell shows up to the house and also starts speaking French, what does she do? She just outright drops it and says she's screwing with him. Just so random and hopefully it was believable for the moment. This movie has the calmest and most quaint car chase ever between the two duos (Kim & Cliff/Childwell & Wilmot). Not super tense or funny, it was just weirdly low stakes. But after that's all said and down, the inflatable boat going off in the car and the other duo driving into the water, we get Cliff getting reasonably upset and wanting to back out but BAM! A kiss from Kim! Then straight to the sewer.

The whole sewer scene. If I had a nickle for every time there was a sewer scene on 1995 movie with Alfred Molina in it, I'd have two. Which isn't a lot but- yes I know he wasn't in the sewer in Species. Anyways, it's a great long scene building the tension, and he's so damn impatient, I understand why. Being heard and someone slowly coming down to their little hideaway and the water quickly rising? Add in the fact that it was his fault they heard him, but it was whoever put that thing he accidentally kicked down the later when having a leg cramp. Kim just waiting and waiting, almost like a gambling addict waiting for a big win. Which, oh boy do they. After they finally leave and have to dive and swim underwater, I was actually worried Kim just outright drowned when Cliff couldn't find her, I would've been devastated. But thankfully she doesn't, I needed the two just caressing each other's face in the water, thank you.

The robbery was successful and they live on a beach, a nice call back to the beginning, where she saw Cliff's very interesting sculpture. At first, it looks like a cobblestone walkway (on the wall), but if you slide the two pieces apart, there's a beach underneath. She says that she likes the beach, he explains that it's metaphoric and also he doesn't like the beach. Yet, here they are together at the end. Finally, he can just retire and follow his interests instead of being a planner for the town council, all with Kim. It just ends right after.

Overall, I enjoyed Cliff and Kim's antics and blossoming romance very much. And of course him getting angry or frustrated never get old

~~~

The Rest of the Movie: I went through most of the plot on the above section. But we have Jeremiah, the man who instigates the whole thing. At first I thought from the description it would just be for money, but no, it's to steal from a corrupt bank chairman for cheating the people of Golanda and give it back to them. A more noble act than I expected. But after appearances, he disappears halfway through the movie, which I didn't mind. But the end he tells Childwell and Wilmot what's going on and I didn't exactly know why but it all went well in the end. 28 million was sent to the people of Golanda to help heal the damage that banker cost them.

~~~

Childwell and Wilmot were an unexpected turn into the story, I really liked their shenanigans with trying to figure out what kind of car he was transported in during the kidnapping (a Morris Minor or a Moggie as some call it). He has perfect memory of his surroundings; the feeling, sounds and the not very helpful clues in the pocket of the coat that Cliff gave him. Wilmot thinking it's all political got a chuckle from me.

Wilmot himself is quite interesting, having fall out of favor after some sort of exposure of his "parties" yet many people seeing him and knowing his style of living are quite friendly towards him. I love that everyone keeps asking if this whole search and the fact they keep seeing Childwell in his trousers (helps the process, really) and Wilmot simply says: of sorts~

~~~

The comedy itself is hit or miss, got a real taste in the beginning when Kim was in America. They tried with physical humor and such, but the cuts, pacing and delivery were very hindered. But I do believe it got better later on.

It's a nice quick watch, so if you have the time, I suggest checking it out if you like these type of heist movies.

[onelastchorus]

a jumbled collection of random thoughts i have about the archon quest - spoilers below

mavuika is kind of boring... like i get what they were going for but i don't think they pulled it off which makes me sad bc she is a unique kind of character and i think she had a lot of potential. they want her to be a strong unflinching leader and also super tragic and the balance is just off and it leaves me with no connection to her

HOWEVER. her VA ate. especially in the scenes with Hine, she really pulled through as much as she could, i just don't think the writing did her justice most of the time.

honestly all the VAs in natlan are doing serious heavy lifting. with all the mediocre and/or messy designs, the voice acting often does the most to make me love a character. mualani could've been a cutout of an archetype we've seen time and time again, but the VA brings her to life with so much personality. i've really loved xilonen's VA since she first dropped, they have a unique style, they really make her sound conversational, not just like a character in a video game, but a voice of someone who's thinking as they speak (reminds me of welt from HSR actually lol. both very good performances imo). ororon is a trainwreck of a character, but his voice gives me cuteness aggression. of course he's a grandson, he's adorable. chasca is frustrating to look at, but her VA really pulls through in emotional scenes, literally the perfect voice you could've found for chasca. all the VAs are killing it, even if i haven't mentioned them here.

i think the best part of the quest was actually the domain before the big fight. getting to see everyone from all the tribes, ESPECIALLY NPCS and hearing what they had to say, and including characters from the tribal chronicles and world quests was so satisfying. probably the closest genshin has gotten to making it feel like a real world. i don't know how it worked if you hadn't done those quests but as someone who has, it was so great. everything really came together in a way the devs have tried to do for a long time and just now succeeded.

Speaking of NPCs.. vichama... sad gay man of all time. just one of many ways they brought threads back and made the world feel whole. (shout out to bona too. loved seeing her.)

why can they never get the pacing right. why was the intro w the party and and everything SO LONG.. i got bored and almost quit to come back another day. when will they learn to condense.

although everyone talking about their dreams of dead loved ones and kinich being randomly absent bc he would've had to talk about his dead abusive drunk father is so funny to me. definitely would've brought the mood down

too much traveler pushing? idk why we had to say over and over that they're so great and wonderful. we get it. dial it down Please.

i was also so shocked that their ancient name didn't have to do with their role as a descender. i thought it'd be 'witness' or 'sword' or 'will' or something. hope was a shock.

i wish they'd done a bit more explaining on what we were fighting, why we were hearing former pyro archons ect. left it a little blank? idk i feel like something had to have been removed bc we fight it and then just like don't acknowledge what happened. it's weird.

also did anyone read the description for the ancient name? because wtf??

i think a lot of people will agree with me when i say that i would've enjoyed capitano a lot more if he wasn't 1st of the Fatui Harbingers. they really did so much telling, not showing when it came to his strength and as a harbinger it was really disappointing. he's supposed to rival a god but he just sits in the corner plotting and whining about honor the whole time. i feel like his plot got really pushed to the side.

his story itself i'm still unsure about. it was definitely predictable, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. i love that his frozen corpse is just sitting on the throne and u can go see him. that's so sick. anyway i think i need more time with it. if he was a different character i think i would've been satisfied but he was too built up and i was expecting something more exciting.

ronova is really sexy. like. i am attracted to that eldritch being shade. why is she shaped like a vagina.. anyway. i might be insane.

COLUMBINA TEASE. (or the doctor but i don't want it to be the doctor. please.) SHES COMING, TRUST 🤞

the monument at the end is gorgeous.

anyway this is like.. a 6/10 archon quest for me. definitely doesn't stand up next to sumeru and fontaine imo but they had to lose steam somewhere, right? i think this might end up overshadowed by being sandwiched between fontaine and snezhnaya, and i think i'm okay with that. i still had fun.

[rowans-blues]

fuck it. i ask u ALL the questions from that ask game

øof you my friend are really digging in ain’t you

do you enjoy playing with boys hair? Yes yes yes yes never gotten the chance but I really wanna

whats your favourite eye colour? call me basic but brown it’s so fucking pretty it reminds me of chocolate or like the soil after the storm

whats a cute quirk that your crush/boyfriend has? plead the fifth

have you come out as mlm? if so, when? a couple years back mostly to friends and family

do you prefer to have boys lie on your chest, shoulder or lap? never tried so don’t know

what music genre reminds you of boys? like soft indie think like noah Kahan I guess and heavy metal

do you prefer to play with tidy or messy hair? messy it looks so fucking cute

are you gay or bi? pan

who is your favourite mlm musician? don’t really have one there probably is one i just don’t know their sexuality maybe cavetown

are you more sporty or arty, and do you prefer sporty or arty boys? arty I guess i’m a computer geek and mix of both

eboys or soft boys? soft easy

what scent reminds you of boys? rain oranges lemons coffee chocolate there’s a list honestly

have you ever gotten a crush on one of your friends? once yeah

how long have you know you were mlm? maybe 5 years now

expose who you have a tumblr crush on axel he’s and awesome person and a great friend maybe not crush but super cool dude

talk about the guy that made you realise you like boys a guy named Alex we’re not friends anymore I asked him out as a joke he’s going into engineering I think nice dude wasn’t gay tho

do you tend to like masculine, feminine or androgynous boys more? androgynous I like people who mix and match I guess

what genre of music reminds you of boys? already answered

what makes you feel rejected from the mlm/lgbt community sometimes? Feelings around soulmates Ig i believe love is built one piece at a time nobody fits you have to make room it’s not always easy but you try anyways because you love them I just get more from building and working on a relationship although i’m kinda softening on it tho so take what I say with a grain of salt

who is your favourite fictional mlm? Marin x Kip form emerald seas

[post-office-by-the-bay]

this is your second mate giselle speaking,

HII COVEY!!! how was prom??? and how are you doing??? anyways, omg i have a little love life update (the legacy of aphrodite is coming out) and it’s pretty crazy!!! okay so first of all, i met this amazing guy, let’s call him joe. so i’ve seen joe around in the halls since like september and i’ve always been like woah i love his style he’s so cute and he was so silly like so adorable. and he’s waved to me in the hallway before even though we didn’t even know each others names, and he’s smiled at me, OMG AND ONCE HE TRIED TO THROW SOMETHING INTO THE TRASH CAN AT LUNCH AND HE MISSED AND THIS DUDE FR PUT BOTH HANDS ON TOPD OF HIS HEAD AND GOES “OH NO 😨” IN THE MOST DRAMATIC WAY AND I BURST OUT LAUGHING- anyways, so we made eye contact and i felt really bad and embarrassed because i was laughing with him but he didn’t know that, but we make eye contact and he just smiles at me like- i ascended into heaven. anyways, turns out my friend is besties with him so she was like imma put u on fr fr. so she like talked to some of his friends as well and they were like oh yeah i know giselle blah blah she’s really pretty and i think she’d go great with joe! and like trust me, we would’ve been AMAZING TOGETHER. like, basically he’s a skater boy and i’m like coquette, rory gilmore, academic weapon yk? like he was fr a punk (skater) and i did ballet (figure skating) so it was like perfect because i’m also really academically driven and he def isn’t failing but yk he isn’t like me? like imagine a short (i’m 5’2) girl in a black turtle neck carrying her books that takes things way too seriously and is super uptight with her brunette hair in a bun, and then a guy with super messy curls that’s super tall and really lanky with baggy jeans and sweaters and headphones that is super chill all of the time just balancing her out! literally the lyric “you know how to ball i know aristotle” by taylor swift! and our mutual friends said he would get me to loosen up and he’s super sweet and i’d get him to lock in for once and i’ll being calmness and stuff into his life. it would’ve been opposites attract! so we meet, we hit it off, he says he liked my outfit, (he even stood up to talk to me instead of just sitting down at his lunch table!), asked for my number, and he laughed at all of my jokes, i made him nervous (in the good way), and it was just so amazing. and afterwards i heard him saying like “woah she was so pretty thank you for introducing me to her sm” to my friend. and now we’re texting nonstop and he’s trying to meet me after class and walk me from club meetings (i asked him to pick me up from class and he went “time and place” LIKE OMG!!!) and we have the same music taste and and and one day he leaves me on opened… just completely ghosts. and i ask him if he wants to walk around and he goes “nah i have to lock in for this class” which like yea i get! but combined with the ghosting and becoming dry and bored with me… and he hasn’t responded for six days… and all of our friends are so confused because even his closest friends were like dude he likes you i know him trust me (body language, the way he acted with me, the fact that he gave me his number, and the fact that they know him super closely). i’m just like torn because idk what happened! anyways this is the longest thing i’ve ever written and i hope i wasn’t boring you 😭 but yea my love life will definitely make aphrodite proud!!! at least it’s entertaining… oh and you don’t have to like give me advice or anything if you don’t want to i thought it’d just be fun to update you on my crazy love life! spilling the tea is one of my many passions frfr

this is your second mate giselle signing off,

with love,

dior giselle

my beloved heart, dior, giselle

OH MY GOD WHAT IS BRO DOING???? NOT HIM FUMBLING WHAT IS GOING ON????

the switch up is kinda insane...i wonder if like maybe hes feeling insecure or something??? like maybe he likes you too much and feels like hes not good enough or something??? i dont know boys are so confusing sometimes i wish i didn't like them lmao-

anyways, i hope you reached out to you eventually!! you guys do seem like you'd make a cute couple!!

all my love,

covey 𐙚⊹ ࣪ ˖

[bibibinnie]

ok last ask for now lmaoo

https://www.tumblr.com/valentinerots/717253576422998016

making sure ur sweet bf kai never runs out of titty pics <3 the only kind of nudes he’s really into lmao

he’d prob be too shy to send nudes super often(i don’t feel like he’d be great at taking them 😭) and he’d DEF be too shy to ask u for them. but u know how much he luvs ur titties and you’d never pass up a chance to make him all flustered <3

-🍑

cw. reader and kai takes nudes, masturbation, nsfw link below.

NSFW LINK

omg!! he loves titty pics :( he's so fkn cute i can't handle it!! i love him >.< anyway- UGH just sending him pics every night he's on tour away from ur shared apartment. and he comes back to his lonely hotel room at the end of the day, swipes his phone open to those tit pics u'd sent a few hours ago before ur went to bed w a lil miss u <3 text to accompany it. nd he falls back on the bed, hair messy shut yk i had to mention his hair im obsessed running his hand over his forehead with a sigh. he just misses u so fucking much he can't take it :(

and obviously has to jerk off to the pic in the shower. lil whimpers coming from his pretty mouth, whispering ur name, head falling back as he cums, OOF he's so hot.

when he really really misses u, he calls you (he doesn't care what time it is) to hear ur voice to jerk off to *cough cough shameless plug for are you alone?

and ! i am deFINITELY in the minority here, but i think he takes gorgeous nudes ! i dont gaf what y'all nerds say! i think his nudes are art and he takes them very seriously lmfao. like he's gotta get the lighting just right and the angle just right and oop- i like my smile better in that one, but my shoulders look broader in that one, before grumbling to start over to get the perfect shot for u :( IDK that's my opinion!!!!!!!!!

anyway- lil goofy additional thought, BUT i also think every once in a while, he'd send a silly reaction photo like this

lmaoooo

[dykevanny]

OKAY WOO

so basically yeah vanessas plural. like she doesnt Know but she is. she just thinks shes super forgetful (amnesia from when her headmate fronts) and her days are pretty routine so shes not alarmed when she cant pick out what exactly she did and just thinks today was extra boring.

VANESSAS HEADMATE okay i dont have a name for them yet but theyre more naive than and younger than vanessa. definitely closer to gregorys age, maybe a little older? havent decided lol. and theyre a little bunny with brown markings (<-yeah they based the initial mask off their own appearance. arent they adorable im love them..) and theyre the one who glitchtrap latched onto since he could take advantage of that disconnect between the two, and he manipulated them (they were really lonely since they couldnt really have friends of their own and couldnt talk to vanessa. its kinda like a one-way mirror for them - they can see in and hear vanessa, but she cant see out of the front to where they are, and if shes not fronting, she just doesnt remember anything.)

glitchtrap cant front (he doesnt have anywhere near that level of control) so he uses the headmate and guides them and talks to/manipulates them. cause they can front just fine!

i havent decided if he lets them remember killing or keeps the memories from them, but glitchtraps removal DOES snap them out of the brainwashing/manipulation sorta, and they feel really lost afterwards, and if they didnt remember before, then glitchtrap left them with the memories as a kinda fuck you to them. either way, super traumatized after the fact.

theres also kinda two paths i take with them towards the end, one is far more “supernatural” (but still sort of believable with fnaf) and the other definitely sticks to the realm of normalcy lol. the normal-er one has the headmate stay in post-3 star, and it basically involves freddy and gregory trying to figure out just why vanessa acts odd some days and then never remembers it (the headmate isnt so great at pretending to be vanessa. superficially its fine, coworkers and strangers didnt question it, but gregory and freddy? nah. they catch on quick). things are uncertain for a while but ultimately theyre all okay!! everyone gets along!!

the more supernatural one is specifically for my au that i have, its cassie-centric, and in this one, instead of leaving behind the headmate, he basically drags them down with him and they get trapped in the ar world, ironically keeping it safely out of glitchtraps reach cause that mf got absolutely obliterated while they basically got set onto the ground gently with a blanket and pillow.

i do intend to draw them eventually so if ur interested i could tag u! /gen

anyways, this is SO messy lol. i hope it makes Any Sense At All i love plural vanessa

ohhhhhh i really like this concept,,,,, the headmate being around Greg’s age esp… glitchtrap loves to manipulate children huh. (Looks at ggy) i like them staying around w 3star…. That’s fun:) also them being the bunnay -> the design for the mask is a really fun touch

[captnkeeta]

1: Still very much figuring myself out :3 2: Romance: Always somewhat of a performance, but one I enjoy doing so my partner knows I care about them. I think I felt romantic love once??? maybe??? but that was like 4 years ago so idek. I still care/cared abt all my other partners immensely but just in a different way idk Touching: With permission totally fine! I'm naturally very physically affectionate but I don't show it much. Hugging: My preferred method of physical affection Kissing: Also fun! but I'll only kiss certain ppl, not just anyone, it's more "charged" than hugging if ykwim Sex: A fun way to spend an afternoon with someone but not something I actively desire, more just a fun thing you can do. On top of that it's risky and complicated, once you fuck someone u cant unfuck them and it can make stuff rly messy. Love: Great! I love a lot of people! Idk who I'd be if I didn't love people the way I do :333 Queer Platonic Relationship: Still not 100% on how these work but from what I've heard they sound like kind of the ideal for me, insofar as it's a connection deeper than friends but without the rigid expectations of a traditional relationship. Would be interested in trying it out. A significant Other: I'd have one kinda by process of elimination more than anything else. I don't rly vibe w the way most ppl date but sometimes you meet someone and have some fun while you can idk. Not rly my preferred way of doing things, feels very final. One Night Stands: Awesome in theory but kind of a waste of time in practice. Most of the fun of intimacy is kinda dead in the water if it's a total stranger you don't intend on seeing again imo Porn(Video): Industry is so rife with abuse I can't consume in good conscious. Also libido is super low so not much use for it anyways Smut(Written): Low libido again lmao Dates/Dating: Very fun in theory but most of the time leads to expectations being placed on me/assumptions on how I feel being made and I rly don't like that, I imagine if I find someone who is understanding of my particular style/wants/needs it'd be amazing but I'm not holding my breath lmao

3: I am very open about the kinds of connection I want. I hate to be a bitch but when I say I don't rly feel romantic attraction I mean it, if i'm having sex with you that means I probably care about you a whole lot but I just do not rly do the whole "dating, meet the parents, his&hers" thing, doesn't mean I don't care about you I just find those dynamics rly trapping. If you cannot accept that then just don't get with me because last thing I'd wanna do is hurt anyone's feelings.

4: I don't know if I've encountered any specific aphobia, most of it could fall under either sexual harassment or poor understanding of my wants/needs, first one is just garden variety disgusting and second is down to poor communication/circumstances most of the time.

5: Not much I wanna add outside of saying that despite me being pretty dour throughout this post, figuring myself out has been a rly beautiful journey and while i'm nowhere near finished (is anyone ever rly?) it's been such a weight off my shoulders to be able to like, put a name to this stuff. :3333333

The Aspec Questionaire

Aspec is such a vast category and one some folks (especially allo folks) tend to treat like a monolith. So I thought it’d be good to do a little questionnaire to demonstrate.

(Skip anything you don’t want to answer.)

1. How do you identify?

2. How do you feel about the following, one word answers are fine if you want:

- - Romance

- - Touching

- - Hugging

- - Kissing

- - Sex

- - Love

- - Queer Platonic Relationships

- - A Significant Other

- - One Night Stands

- - Porn (Video)

- - Smut (Written)

- - Dates/Dating

3. What is the thing you think most people misunderstand about your identity?

4. Have you encountered aphobia in your life?

5. Anything else you’d like to add on the topic?

[jothriku]

various doodles/sketches of my favorite rabies boy done over the past few days, ft. his siblings & his bf. please forgive me for the low image quality of that fourth one ;___;

click for higher res+captions!!

[lovetorn]

dream’s birthday bash [roommate!dream au]

Roommate!Dream x Reader

summary: it’s dream’s birthdayyyy!!!

warnings: alcohol, swearing

w/c: 2.9k+

a/n: happy birthday dream!! i’m in love w this. i hope u are too. also, there is a few references to past roommate!dream blurbs & one-shots, so i recommend reading those before you start this one or you may be a little confused at some things the characters say. thanks!! <3

roommate!dream masterlist

—

Dream’s birthday is something you haven't experienced yet since you moved in together in September last year.

Dream had promised the football team that his birthday party was going to be the biggest of the year, so you, being the party planner, had vowed to make it the best because Dream can’t organise—he disagreed and said that he only made you the party planner because he knows you’re good at it?? You gave him a confused look; you’ve never planned a party before.

Anyway, the 12th was approaching quicker than you anticipated and the only things you’d organised so far is the alcohol (thanks to George) and decorations. You had little notes on your phone with multiple checklists and you had yet to tick every last box off.

Organising food was probably the hardest thing. You knew that there were going to be around 100+ people squeezing into your apartment, drinking, so food is essential. You asked Dream what types of food he wanted, his reply?

“Chicken wings, not spicy.”

You rolled your lips between your teeth and nodded. Great. “Anything else? There’s gonna be a lot of people, Dream.”

He brought his fingers to rest on his lips as he thought about it. You knew when he got an idea because then he clicked his fingers and pointed at you. “Sandwiches. You know, like the little ones?”

Squinting at him, you sighed. “You think that’s going to be enough for more than 100 people?”

Dream nods. “Easy.”

You shake your head in disbelief and add sandwiches, along with other finger foods, to the list. “Thanks.”

Next to organise was Dream’s present. You spent days racking your brain, trying to figure out what he would want, eventually coming up with nothing.

So, you asked Sapnap, who was no help. “Fuck if I know, the man buys anything he wants himself these days.”

You rolled your eyes and took a trip to Target. Whilst there, you decided on an excess of small gag gifts: a Ron Swanson dishwasher magnet (so you and Dream can stop arguing over who put dirty dishes in with the clean ones), an engraved bottle opener, a ‘do not disturb sign for his bedroom door (chosen based on one too many run-ins), a Minecraft ice cube tray, a toothbrush holder (so both of your toothbrushes stop touching in the cup), and a pack of Minecraft socks.

You put the small presents into a gift bag, covering them with tissue paper, and then put in the final piece that wasn’t a joke gift—a mixtape of your and Dream’s favourite songs for his car. You brushed your thumb over the plastic case and let out a breathy laugh at the photo on the front—a selfie of the two of you in Dream's car, energy drinks in your hands and toothy grins with the text, ‘Dream & Y/n’s Gr8est Hits’ written in bright pink marker. You're excited to give it to him, but you're nervous and embarrassed, too—is it lame?

You shook your head and placed the bag in your closet.

George delivered the alcohol earlier in the day: 18 cases of beer and the same in White Claw, and a few bottles of vodka and rum for the close friends. You couldn't thank him enough for helping you, even more so after he helped put the covered trays of food in the refrigerator from the delivery truck downstairs.

You had (reluctantly) asked Sapnap to organise music because you had no time in between making sure the food order was correct and getting yourself ready. He agreed immediately and waved off your hesitance and told you he'd make the best playlist to ever exist—you put too much trust in him.

Before the party, you and Dream had taken a few shots together, just to get you to stop stressing over the planning of the party and Dream to stop worrying for you.

"Ready?" Dream smirked, his shot glass hanging loosely from his fingers. You nodded and then, at the same time, tapped the glass on the counter before you threw the shot back. The acetone taste of the vodka slid down your throats and you made disgusted faces at each other before a knock at the door indicated that your first guests were here.

Now, the party is in full swing and it's safe to say, there is definitely enough food.

When you see Sapnap at the food table, aka the kitchen counter, he thanks you for ordering non-spicy wings. You shake your head, laugh, and hug him tightly. "I'm serious," He mumbles with chicken in his mouth. "These are so~ good!"

The living room is cramped, but nobody seems to be complaining. Almost everyone from the apartment block is in your flat right now, with a few from other complexes. You lost sight of Dream a few hours ago, choosing to stay with your own friends while he hangs with his as the two groups don't usually mingle together.

“Niki!” You laugh whilst the girl finishes her second shot and passes the bottle of rum back to you. Shaking your head, you bring the large bottle to your lips, already regretting mixing different alcohols. You’d already had a few White Claws, thanks to Sapnap who kept challenging you to shotguns at the start.

Karl comes up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist before he snatches the bottle out of your hand and takes a swig.

“Karl!” Now, all three of you are laughing together. He slides his hand off of your stomach and stands to his full height, putting his lips to the White Claw can he holds in his other hand. You warn him about mixing alcohol, but he waves you off and assures you that he's fine.

The three of you stand on the dance floor, grooving to the beat of 'Super Freak' by Rick James. You grab Karl's hand to spin him around and then do the same to Niki, laughter filling the small space you have created in the middle of the crowd. You wouldn't admit it to Sapnap, but his playlist is actually good.

"Mi Amor!" The sound of Quackity's voice pulls you from your little group with Niki and Karl and you smile when you see his wide grin as he pushes past a few football players.

"Q! When did you get here? I didn't see you come in," You engulf him in a hug and giggle when he laughs loudly.

"I came in through the window," You pull back slightly to give him an incredulous look and shake your head. God, you are tipsy. "Nahhh, I had an exam, so I just got here."

You nod and feel the rum going straight to your head. Quackity then notices Karl and Niki behind you and gives them hugs too. You watch as your friends greet each other and turn to look at the clock on the wall in the kitchen. 10:33 pm.

“Guys, it's time for cake!” You shout over the music to Niki, Quackity and Karl and they smile and nod, all three of you migrating to the fridge to collect Dream’s cake and get it ready.

You pull a 3 layered vanilla cake out of the refrigerator. It is slathered in white icing and has rainbow sprinkles on the top with the words, ‘happy birthday dream’, in piped icing. Karl's mouth waters at the sight of the dessert and when he goes to get a dollop of icing from the side, you don’t smack his hand away—you have a plan.

Other guests see you preparing the candles and lighting them and turn off the lights for you. You smile at the 21 lit candles and pick up the cake, being careful not to trip on anything.

The entire room starts singing the ‘Happy Birthday’ anthem, their phones out to film as you spot Dream’s messy blonde hair over the crowd. He scrunches his face up in embarrassment and switches his beer from his right hand to his left to give you a side hug and a peck on the cheek when you approach him. The room sings and all attention is on him, but Dream only has eyes for you as you inch the cake closer so he can blow out his candles.

After he does so, the room erupts into cheers and then you give Dream a mischievous grin. There’s a little fear in his eyes and you launch the cake towards his face. Everybody laughs and hollers when you pull the cake stand away from him to see his face covered in white icing and rainbow sprinkles. Dream stands frozen for a moment, wiping his eyes with his free hand, before he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you close to him, rubbing the icing in your hair and on your cheek.

“Dream!” You cackle, trying to push him off, but failing and eventually succumbing to his hold. The phone torches shine brightly at the two of you as people continue filming. His laughter is music to your ears.

Dream smiles down at you, eyes lazy and cheeks flushed. “Thank you,” He whispers. Your heart flutters in your chest and butterflies swarm your stomach as you nod. Everybody disperses and carries on with their previous antics, leaving you and Dream together.

“I got you a present, I’ll give it to you when everybody’s gone.”

The sentence makes the present seem more sensual than it actually is, and it makes Dream’s heart skip a beat—but he knows it’s not what he’s thinking. You pull away from Dream and wave back at him, knocking into a few people which elicits a laugh from him as he watches.

“Dude, you’re so fucked,” George says, smirking as he follows Dream’s gaze on you. Dream elbows George in the bicep.

“Fuck off.”

“Yeah bro, if you don’t make a move soon, someone else will,” Sapnap comments, coming up to stand on Dream’s other side. The urge to punch the both of them is strong, but instead, the blonde groans and skulls the rest of his beer as he loses sight of you in the crowd.

—

“Bye, guys! Thanks for coming!” Dream tries his best to look composed, but he’s so drunk. As soon as the door closes, he locks it and lets out a huge sigh. You come out of your room with the gift bag in your hands. Dream raises his eyebrows and attempts to give you a surprised look. “Wow, a present?”

You giggle and lead him to the couch. He flops down, throws his feet up and puts his hands behind his head. You sit next to him and shove the bag into his hands. “It’s not much, but you literally have everything already, so this is what I came up with.”

You hold your breath and you watch him pick through the bag. A smile breaks out on his face when he sees the CD. He flips it around to show you as if you haven’t seen it before and opens the case. “A mixtape? How romantic.”

The heat that rises to your cheeks is scolding and you stop yourself from choking. Dream, however, doesn’t look at you as he digs through and comments on every item. When he’s gone through every gift, he picks up the mixtape again and looks you dead in the eyes.

“This is the most thoughtful thing I’ve ever gotten for my birthday. Thank you, Y/n.”

You’re surprised. “The most thoughtful? It’s only a CD.”

Dream’s face contorts into one of confusion. “Only a CD? You made this for me with your own blood, sweat and tears.” You wouldn’t go that far.

“Oh, well, you’re welcome, I guess,” You laugh, reaching down to grasp his large hand. The action causes Dream to tilt his head and shift closer to you.

“Seriously, thank you. You mean so much to me,” He confesses, although you can barely hear it. You feel tears pricking your eyes as you watch him wipe his own. “Fuck, why am I getting emotional? It’s that fucking vodka, that’s why.”

“Don’t make up excuses, D,” You tease, squeezing his hand a few times. He wheezes lightly then sighs. His green eyes are so bright and there’s still a little smudge of icing on the side of his nose from the cake. You reach up and wipe it away, licking your thumb beforehand. Dream closes his eyes as you do so, biting his lip as you pull your hand away. 2:29 am.

“Okay, I think it’s time to get you to bed,” You mumble as you stand up, the moment broken. Dream nods, collecting his presents and chucking them all in the gift bag before he follows you to his room, a little disappointed.

Dream stands in the doorway and watches as you pull back his bed covers and turn on the lamp on his nightstand. “Okay, I’ll leave you to it. Goodnight,” You push past him before you turn. “I’ll have Gatorade and Advil ready for you in the morning, okay?”

Dream gives you a loving smile and nods, still holding the bag in front of him as he stands in the middle of his room. “Goodnight, Y/n, thanks for everything.”

You close the door behind you and when you get back to your room, you kick yourself for not making a move. You peel your clothes off of your body and throw them in the corner of the room, the space becoming too hot for your liking—maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's the fact that it's summer, or maybe it's your utter embarrassment and regret; you don't bother to choose which one.

You flop down on your bed, half-naked, and stare at the ceiling. Why didn't you make a move? It was the perfect opportunity—

Your thoughts are forgotten when there's a soft knock on your bedroom door. You scramble to put some pyjamas on as you call, 'just a second!', and then you're swinging your door open.

Dream stands there in his sweatpants only. You resist the urge to rake your eyes down his torso.

"Can I sleep in your bed tonight?" The question surprises you—of fucking course it surprises you! The only reason he comes to your room at night is to vent; not like this.

"Uh, yeah," You reply, cracking the door open just a tad wider so he can slip through. Once he's inside, you sigh in confusion and close your door quietly. Dream is already sorting out the bed situation behind you, throwing your hundreds of throw pillows onto the floor and lifting up your duvet so he can slip under.

You tilt your head at him when he looks at you expectantly—you assume he's waiting for you to get in bed, which you do.

You rest your head on your pillow and turn your head to look at Dream, who is already staring at you. Your skin is hot and your heart is in your throat when you see how green his eyes are in the warm glow of your lamp.

"What's up?" You whisper although you didn't mean for it to come out so low. Dream's eyes trace your face; your eyes, eyebrows, nose, freckles, lips. "Dream?"

He's silent for a while and you guess it's because he's trying to figure out his drunken thoughts. "I just wanted to be with you, you know," He says, his voice breaking slightly. You suck in a breath, turning onto your side so you face him. "You planned my party all by yourself and I'm so happy you did."

You don't have the heart to tell him that George and Sapnap helped you, he looks so content. "I'm so glad, Dreamy," Your voice is velvety, and you can't help the warm feeling blooming in your chest. Dream's eyes travel from your own to your lips and stay there.

“C’mere," Dream mumbles. You barely nod before you lean closer to him.

You can tell Dream is figuring out what to do by the way his lips part and then close suddenly a few times, so, for the second time this week, you take things into your own hands.

You scoot closer to him, your breaths mixing in the small space between your lips and his nose bumping yours. You were so close. But not close enough.

"Dream, I'm gonna do something crazy, okay? Don't hate me," Here goes nothing.

"I could never hate you, baby," Dream murmurs, adjusting his head on his pillow. The pet name goes straight to your head and throwing out any and all rational thoughts, you lean in and place your lips softly on his.

It takes him a few seconds to react and in those moments, you fear you've made a huge mistake, but when his hands find your hips and pull you impossibly closer, you're glad you kissed him—are kissing him.

This is nothing like wine night a few weeks ago.

Your hands find the back of his head and tug on his hair lightly, earning a throaty groan. The sound makes you clench your fists and pull a little harder. You move your lips across his jaw and towards his ear. "Happy Birthday, birthday boy," You whisper.

Dream lets out a breathy laugh and hugs you closer. His face presses into your neck and you feel him leaving feather-light kisses on your skin. The feeling makes you giddy.

"I'm one lucky birthday boy, aren't I?" He mutters, pecking your neck firmer now. You giggle softly, running your fingers through the hair at the back of his neck.

"You bet your ass you are."

[lesbiannancytruther]

okay so @sorry-i-panicked accidentally reminded me wing aus exist so this one is inspired by them💪

anyways u know i have to make a ronance wing au like they’re practically made for it

switching things up by going with robin first! now: i know what you’re thinking. and NO. im not making her wings robin wings. i’m going with one of the smartest birds in the world- the kea parrot! :) they’re very curious and aren’t afraid of pissing people off lol. they’re also known for solving puzzles! their wings are so pretty and they’re known for their problem solving and though they can’t talk, they communicate effectively :)

LISTEN IK WHAT UR GONNA SAY

yeah yeah gay wings BUT im thinking robin has a pretty impressive wingspan! wider than usual and definitely long. she’s still clumsy in the air, but i like to think that sometimes, when she’s really in the groove, she looks pretty graceful. absolutely the type to wrap nancy up in her wings <3

they also move forward by hopping sideways?😭 insert robin having weird coordination joke here

okay onto nancy! a lot of this is biased by the fact that i want nancy to have pink in her wings so bad😩 so im going with the intelligent galah cockatoo! very intelligent and has a knack for picking up on speech and vocab, like a good journalist. while i don’t usually describe nancy as friendly she definitely CAN be and this is an au where people have wings so im not 1:1 comparison ok </3

also female galah’s have pink eyes u better BET ur ass im applying that to miss wheeler

look at this its so pretty😩

im thinking nancy’s wings are a bit big for her but nothing crazy! i like to think nancy is a talented flier bc she did it so much as a kid, really one of the only ways she felt free. galah’s are fast and known for acrobatics. she takes good care of her wings, making sure her feathers are neat and cared for

im thinking robin actually neglects to care for her own wings pretty often with her feathers always uncomfortably disorganized and messy, which gets her pretty frustrated with her wings. based on rebel robin her parents aren’t abusive they’re just really weird in a not so great way, so i can see her not really knowing how? nancy gets one look at them and is like “if you don’t sit down so i can FIX THESE”

nancy makes it a habit well into their friendship and eventual relationship, teaching robin how to herself but doing it often anyways because it’s relaxing and a bonding moment okay

the first time nancy see’s robin’s wings she’s awestruck bc they’re so pretty, especially when robin takes care of them, she always compliments them

robin also loves nancy’s wings, they’re so her and they’re very soft, especially near the inside by where they attach to her back, which nancy is super hesitant to let robin touch at first but eventually she’s welcome to, because she trusts her and especially because it feels good

firm believer in bird traits affecting them. nancy, following galah traits of nesting in tree hollows, always feels safe completely surrounded, always being fond of those kid princess tents because they surrounded her on all sides and were comfy! she also loves the smell of eucalyptus.

robin feels most comfortable in a nest of pillows and blankets on the floor, usually up against a wall, as following kea nesting habits of setting up nests in between tree roots!

the two of them team up and build the best blanket forts on the floor and they cuddle! it’s something special for the two of them and they try to do it often.

they both love fruit sm😩 for breakfast they eat fruit all the time. nancy cuts the fruit as the one of the two of them that is allowed to handle a knife (learned the hard way w an er trip) and robin arranges them into fun displays that make nancy laugh and kiss her on the cheek. nancy can’t handle meat well/just doesn’t like it as galahs are strictly herbivores so they like to try a ton of new stuff with vegetarian spins

feathers are often exchanged between the two, nancy wears a cluster of robin’s feathers on a necklace (made by robin) and robin keeps nancy’s softest feathers as a sensory thing, they’re really easy to run her her fingers over and keep her grounded, you can usually see pink feathers in her hand or in her pocket.

im thinking their first kiss happens mid air bc they’re going on a flying date that’s definitely not a date but is a date and robin sees nancy do this little spin and just laugh and robin just dives for her, cups her face and kisses her. nancy is only a little surprised before she eagerly returns it, going to wrap her arms around robin’s shoulders before quickly going to her waist to keep robin from falling and she has to remind robin through breathless giggles to “keep flapping birdie i can’t hold both of us” and robin quickly adjusts so that they can continue and

AGH

i love them so bad