#anyways. thats just what ive been thinking abt
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rip luke patterson you would have loved boygenius 😔🙏🕊
alex | reggie | julie | the whole gang | stickers! | prints! | keychains!
#luke is a julien stan btw he told me#however do NOT think abt him hearing emily im sorry for the first time do NOT THINK ABT IT#i think of julie introducing the boys to modern music often.....#she sits them down one day and plays the brooklyn steel video#and they have to keep pausing it bc someone needs to go lie face down on the ground outside#alex @ do you hate what you see like i do reggie @ phoebe belting luke @ juliens guitar solo#(alex and julie are both lucy stans reggies a phoebe stan luke is a julien stan)#(u KNOW alex is crying to night shift like. daily)#anyways. thats just what ive been thinking abt#julie and the phantoms#art#luke patterson#jatp#luke jatp#sunset curve#this is gonna be a series btw alex is next i think!!!!!
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they are best friends and siblings and i love them both so dearly. featuring piercings bc i stand strong in my belief that they would
#leo valdez#piper mclean#rachiebee art#heroes of olympus#leo valdez fanart#piper mclean fanart#annabeth chase#jason grace#percy jackson#nico di angelo#will solace#they're all on the photowall btw i didnt just add those tags for fun#might reblog w/out the overlays later#anyway its upsetting to me in toa when reyna becomes leo's “big sister” and he only gets one on screen scene with piper#what do you MEAN he has a line abt a sister and its not piper#i'm of the devout belief that the only reason leo ended up actually considering people his family after everything was BECAUSE of piper#and jason too damn word limit#reyna and leo is cute i love them as ace buddies but i wish he got like#more time to reunite w piper. idk. and i know its from apollos pov but still#anyway thats a mini rant in the tags sorry ive been thinking about it more and more
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#a doodley#i had to make this blue so tumblr would stop hiding it from the dash#anyway no caption this happened 2 hrs ago#im happy abt my surgery but it and other things this year keep beinging conversations like these up#and i cant handle it at all.#everything my dad tells me just makes me feel worse and not bc its anything bad but bc I Feel Bad#like the conversation then continued to him being like no dont cry im just saying i wpuld have wanted to#quit my job decades ago and set aside money so I wouldnt be struggling as much now but that didnt happen#and i just dont want that to happen to you guys :)#so we have to support u so that your life is what u want it to be#and i cried even more bc what do u mean. thats so sad. ur a person and u were a child and baby once and ur gonna die#and you always almost cry when u talk about your mom who passed away decades ago#and your brothers that passed away#recently and im going to be your age and still sobbing bc i miss my dad. just like i have been prematurely crying about since i was 7#the other day my dad asked my mom if i cried a lot when i was a baby/kid and my mom said no and then my dad#said that when i Did cry it was so severe he thought i would ''drown in my own tears''#bc i could never stop. like. thats still true today. ive been crying on and off since then#i think i mentioned he's just been telling me stories about his life lately and it further fuels this. i get so sad. im sorry your life was#like this. i dont want to die i dont want you to die im sad im sorry im sorry#im scared. im never going to see you again. how horrible. how horrible#i cant enjoy my day today bc every day is a day closer and i get sad
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ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally
(+ cropped versions !)
#naddpod#ba2mia#ba2umia#solum bufo#swag daniels#calliope petrichor#calder kilde#alexandrite#posts by me dot com#okay..... SECRET TAGS RAMBLE!#so basically this superstition is like ... i think a chinese/buddhist/taoist superstition?#ive taken some creative liberties with it... but its mostly accurate to how its been told to me?#but of course theres lots of variations! some more abt bad luck; some say to tie it on the doorknob#etc etc ... lots a variations#i was also rlly interested in the .... weird illogic? of the thing?#like the red attracts and repels spirits at the same time#so thats something i was thinking about with too. red is assocuated with both swag and alexandrite. which to me was kinda reflecting like#i think what murph said . swags place in the wild is in a way. an extension of what he learned from the network#mothership s inextractivle from sol and swags lives. they will always be held doen by it. thats the spirit that will follow them forever#that they choose to hold on too! as much pain as it brought ... some of the experience was worth it#and anyway. theres somethingwrong w me that the minute someone brought up this superstition my brain went#'ohhh just like sol!' < needs to touch grass moment#but i CANT BELIEVE. CALDWELL DID THE RED STRING. AND ITS LITERALLY A MOURNING RITUAL#caldwell keeps accodentally makig that frog ASIAN. to MEEEE!!!!!!#but. anyway. idk. ive always hced sol kept the piece of yarn and it makes me kinda .... what if y let the malicious spirits follow you.#and haunt you. what if its the closest you can get to keeping the person still around#and sol and swag obviously have so much about homes .... so!#(ok. weve reached the pt where maybe nobodys reading? so confession is this is sort of a well. ive just been doodling this comic everyday#after a wake. and it was sort of inspired after realising i was even a bit sad about it maybe. so. idk its about sol but also?#i guess the projection doesnt end at him being asian. hehe. is what i mean. LOL. okay secret tags over . buried lore. dont look here folks)
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ive been thinking about this but. i think shuro understands laios' character pretty well, but he doesn't value his strengths or interests (monster knowledge). in the DVD extra where laios imagines what would have happened if they'd been on better terms, shuro STILL leaves because he thinks his chances are better with a trained crew (which....... is likely to be true but. look at how he ended up anyway lmao). meanwhile kabru recognises that while the party isnt particularly strong, the reason they get so far in the first place is BECAUSE of what laios knows about monsters. shuro seems aware that laios knows about monsters or has an interest in them, but views this as frivolous and a waste of time and doesn't seem to realise how much this knowledge carried them in the first place
#his prevailing impression of laios appears to be that hes too carefree 💀#i think thats more the case of whatever he observes laios' priorities to be#he thinks its unimportant....#anyway thats just my onion. ive seen people say that shuro doesnt Get laios#and i dont think thats true. i just think he dismisses some of it 💀#its his understanding of his character that. spoiler alert i just realised.#makes him back laios up to the point of defying the elves#this is just what i think is possible. because i realise also#that kabru makes this theory once hes actually talked to laios abt monsters iirc#and like. i dont think laios was as openly fanatical about monsters until after falin got killed LMAO#its entirely possible that actually shuro DIDNT observe this (knowledgeable) about laios#or at least didnt recognise the extent of the knowledge pulling them thru..#but again also. i realise shuro wasnt actually wrong for thinking his chances were better#with his retainers LMAO... senshi made a huge difference in their party and theres no way#shuro could have known hed appear. without senshi they very may have well#not made it that far......#this is all to say that i want a scenario where shuro thinks about this and realises#how integral to their survival laios' knowledge has been so far#and how his knowledge has come about as a result of study and hard work and dedication#<- secret laishuro agenda LMAO
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Genuinely so curious who Mike thinks is gonna be buying The Cage or the new DCTL GN bc with the way he tweets as far as he's concerned, it's not gonna be:
The queer people he has actively admitted he will never show any representation of in the games.

2. The POC he has actively fought against representing in his franchise. [Who he also mocked for thinking they would be represented in his franchise]
3. The Bendy fandom which has always been concerned with topics of diversity esp in the sense of queer people since its creation. Who he has responded to really poorly esp in regards to the GN.
4. The fans who critique him. [He blocked me for doing so lol]
5. His fans in general who he tweets about like this currently. [He's being vague about why people were mad at him or sent him 'nasty messages' because if you actually looked into why you'd see he was in the wrong. Either way, a very hateful way to speak abt ur own fanbase.]
Reminder while Mike is trash talking his fans he has always treated them rather poorly. The fans who won the fanart contest for Chapter 5 never got their posters actually in game due to it being rushed. Not only was chapter 5 a big slap to the face story wise, but it was literally so rushed he couldn't be bothered to add in the art his fans gave him for his game FOR FREE. [Meatly blames this on a crazy timeline, reminder him and Mike are the literal ceos of this company. The proposal of future updates here is also pretty cruel considering Mike nowadays happily admits he corrupted Chapter 5's source code and therefore literally can't update it At All currently. Because he is a moron]
At least they got to be in Boris and the dark survival, and by that I mean that was the Only game they got to be in so far, isn't that just treating your fans like you love them? Shoving their hard work into a spin off game almost nobody has played or addresses much. [Hell, who knows if with the Lone Wolf rebrand they'll even stay there. In which case they'll be in None of the games, only in the credits of BATIM]
6. The Bendy fans who just generally disagree with him on stuff. Like the new ink demon design where there is literally a public poll showing people generally prefer the old one.
7. The Bendy fans who can see he is actively lying to them. To their fucking faces.
He says this has always been the case, but screenshots and links to tweets regarding the books being canon prove it was not. Does he really think bendy fans are stupid or something? [Unless he's admitting here he lied to Kress when he told her the books were canon which sounds worse!]
8. Anyone who doesn't like the idea of giving money to a guy who laid off tons of employees then afterwards thought it was a great idea to express his anti-union views! Also brag about how good of an employer he was, according to his employees, he was not!
So in summary; Mike is an awful person who has not learned anything from the awful things he did. I will not be purchasing The Cage because, combined with this and his absolute refusal to take any kind of critique or see any differing interpretation of his franchise, I have no reason to think my problems with the franchise will ever be addressed or fixed. I probably will pirate The Cage along with any future Bendy Products [Including the movie] and will do my best to avoid giving it any kind of monetary support. Unless this changes any time soon, I can't see myself making anymore positive Bendy posts soon.
Mike has just managed to make it so hard to speak positively or optimistically of this franchise when he's so willing to broadcast how little he cares about it or its fans. I'm at the point where I refuse to pull any of my punches with my problems with it. What's the point of trying to play nice with my critique when either way the people creating it don't care?
So with this post, I want to invite anyone who feels similarly about the franchise to tell me, make a post or send an ask talking about how all of this makes you feel. It may not change how things are, but genuinely seeing other people share my feelings of anger makes me feel better. It feels nice to see when other people share our same concerns and worries. I'd also love to know if anyone else thinks they'll be avoiding purchasing Bendy products over this.
I'm not forcing anyone to participate in it nor trying to say anyone who doesn't supports mike but genuinely maybe if we can collectively decide to boycott things like the movie, graphic novel and The Cage... It might at least make the bendy devs acknowledge how much they have destroyed their own fandom's faith and trust in them.
The way Mike tweets about his actions like he had no control over why people were mad at him at least proves to me he takes NONE of it back nor regrets it. If you didn't know about his actions and only went off his tweets, you would be led to believe Mike has been needlessly picked apart by fans over things he couldn't control [or in his own words, had his words twisted and taken out of context]. That is not how you speak about your actions if you have actually learned better from them.
anyway, that has been my bendy dev callout post. This is an open invitation to anyone feeling similarly upset about the way the franchise is going to talk about it. It's genuinely nice to see how people feel about this and the more we talk about the more it's likely the bendy devs are forced to address our concerns. I don't think they will but hey, that's why I'm not gonna support them with my money anymore nor am I gonna be nice to them in any content I make critiquing Bendy. I mean I'm also basically making this post just in case anyone asks me Why I feel this way towards to bendy devs/as a way to respond to anyone who thinks I am too harsh in my critique in the future.
As always, it seems the best part of Bendy isn't actually anything about canon but about what the fan's are creating with the ideas Bendy failed to do anything interesting with.
Also the books, the books slap.
#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#ramblez#bendy and the silent city#bendy the cage#for the record another reason Im making this post is bc some of the only good resources to learn abt why the bendy devs suck are some old#very longer videos and this is a very long post but I thought it was important to document the recent shit theyve been doing alongside some#of the worst past things theyve done bc Mike has been trying to misinform people on what happened but those videos are still great resource#if you want more info n such#long post#mike D#for anyone who doesnt wanna hear abt him since he doesnt go by mood anymore#sorry if this is rambley or emotional Im just so sick of these guys fr dskjhgskdfjghskdjhgkjhsd#I miss when I didnt spend my days stressed about the awful shit mike is gonna say next and how I would have to disprove it in a post later#or explain why its bad to have a cast of nothing but cishet white guys n constantly fight back against any push for diversity in said cast#genuinely its just tiring esp when u see other bendy fans give ignorant or very silly defenses/takes on those things#n then u lose a lot of respect for them bc they are speaking on stuff they dont know much abt so confidently and therefore misinforming#people or even encouraging very bad views on stuff like diversity n its importance#Im not saying people like that are bad people but it is stressful n upsetting when u see someone u thought knew better do that sort of thin#it makes it hard to trust them again on other issues bc u now dont trust they know what they r talking abt!!#like please think twice before telling young artists making norman white was a tough and complicated decision it was fucking not the bendy#devs just think all their humans are white by default and dont wanna change that its been proven time n time again thats all it is#and defending them just bc u like a franchise they made is very very bad!! They are not ur friends!! they suck and we seriously need to#stop pretending they dont!! toxic positivity is only gonna make the fandom an absolute nightmare its not gonna make ANYTHING better#it just means people will be forced to PRETEND they never have negative thoughts abt the franchise n therefore make them burned out#just look at other similar fandoms please lets not make those same mistakes!!#sorry can u tell Ive been having just. A time recently#anyways back to making my queer ass bendy fan game full of so much diversity mike will prolly shit when he sees it DKFJGHKSDJHGKJHSD
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okay yeah this bitch plural
#this bitch being me#or us i guess; thats gonna take some gettin used to though i dunno which kinda self-referring would be better#i still have not worked out the specifics but. with a lil help from funnier-as-a-system in dms i have made contact with a headmate#so theres at least one more critter in me noggin for sure i think#i also think shes hella tired out cuz we did quite a bit (trying to design a sona for her in heroforge among other things)#and at some point just completely crashed and only got lil remarks from her since so#yeag. not exactly up for makin a bit announcement abt it or anything aside from this but. there ya go ig#still a lot of uncertainty on who/what she is or is like but from what ive gleaned#for now her names citra; pronouns it/she; and is. very clumsy x3 but it hasnt fronted much i dont think so that makes sense#anyway thats what ive been doin tonight other than browsing tumblr
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ive been staring at the naqtube channel page just doing analysis thoughts in my head for like 15 minutes and ive just been hit with the realization that Damn this is not normal. normal people dont do this. either the mental illness or the mild sickness is doing something to me right now.
#[cosmic heroes of dubious alignment]#IM NOT EVEN WRITING ANYTHING DOWN. IM JUST BRUTEFORCING THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD.#uhmmmmmm anyways. im trying to think of potential themes naq might have#and its like wow i am not good at recognizing themes bc im dense as bricks sometimes but i swear theres a repeating pattern of .. roles?#the expectation and breaking of stereotypical roles to be more specific#like listen to me here. obviously theres the line ive pointed out b4 with the 'theyre fighting evil/theyre [..] evil' line;#the lines in the unused takes video that paint n&q as less than morally good in /some/ sort of way;#queen buzzbeamer's whole deal as ive said ad nauseam; a more recent example i feel like would be part of the binary translated from hazard:#'this is who i am and who i will ever be'. accepting your role.#but also on a more meta sort of way with the games themselves. the female mcs getting more focus than the male mcs-#-in a time period where most video game mcs were male and the female characters were one-note is something noteworthy to me.#the fact that nebula is CONSISTENTLY framed bigger/more prominently in almost every piece of official art we see.#her name is first in the title. naq was conceptualized as a concept with her only first. shes always also featured in ads alongside quasar.#the only ad that features quasar prominently is the jumparound ad which alludes to it possibly being a request from sony#-and thus would want to play it more 'mainstream'.#by itself this doesnt stand out bc it could always be just the creators wanting some hashtag women in their unfiction series#which i would be fine with if that was the case. we love women. HOWEVER#its the fact that naq2 (from what we know so far) ACTIVELY TRIES TO BACKPEDAL ON THIS. which makes me think its INTENTIONAL.#both nova and nebula have seemingly been sidelined in naq2 with their screentimes reduced. nova reduced to a 'supporting character' and -#nebula into a possibly offscreen kidnappee. QUASAR takes their spotlights in naq2.#...maybe a way of 'making back lost sales' from naq1? pivoting too hard into the stereotypical from the unusual...#because obviously thats whats scaring away your customers. not the white room scandal. totally not.#'..ok is this leading up to anything mara. whats your conclusion statement' idunno man.#i just think its an interesting tidbit that keeps popping up. i am not a coherent theory guy#i am a pointing out things and throwing them at the wall to see what sticks guy.#there is also the very real chance that im completely wrong abt naq2 bc we still dont know a lot about it sooo. shrug.
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what if hyper light drifter? what then?
#rising from the fucking dead to complain AGAIN#not abt hld dont worry i love this game#but everyone on instagram is moving to cara and i made an account and all the stuff over there is like? professional level stuff#like painted fully rendered pieces and shit and like? im not gonna post my silly fanart bullshit over there?? like its so? idk#i dont wanna say unwelcoming because thats not what im trying to say but it like#i dont feel comfortable posting over there cause my stuff is so different than the stuff thats being posted and its scary??? idk#it's a very “”“adult artist”“” like “ive been perfecting my painting style for 20 years” feeling idk man#anyway i have a bunch of stuff that i just havent had the energy to post so get ready for that#o and happy pride lmao ok#rhqnk u for coming to mt tedbtakk#wasting time tryina think of a fanart tag#hyper light drifter
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You know they've been stabbin' 🤗
been thinking a lot lately about Zea n how they're perceived vs how they Are. And how their upbringing would affect all that. Especially Noel being one of their parental figures............maybe one day ill make a more eloquent post about it. but for now have. this (yes the boxes arent centered i know i know please ignore that, it would be too hard to fix now)
Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundraiser List
E-sims donation
#kunst huli#zea dao oc#dragon age#datv#datv rook#dragon age veilguard#rook thorne#dragon age rook#datv spoilers#juuust in casies#if you see that i only bothered to render their face/hair a little bit n the rest is just flat colors n gradients. no you didnt#but fr tho i need to stop putting a lot of effort into silly things and so i only focused on what i wanted to 👍#fond flashbacks to me drawing ocs with nosebleeds back in like 2010 in my sketchbook...........some things never change i guess DKFGLD:FKG#anyway gnawing my arm off about them#theyre like. theyre all sunshine n rainbows n belief in the best in people. n thats not fake#but it is also just the surface <3#the fur cape thing is Lora's btw...such a mom move to make sure her kid wont catch a cold#anyway. have half a mind to maybe draw the moment ive been thinking of where zea would blow up abt someone treating them as fragile#post-prison#its in a context i usually never draw but grrrr i think its good. i think its interesting#idk. something about being sick of being treated as fragile/childish just because they believe that the world can be better. or something.#im so tired im not making sense im gona go back to gnawing my arm off thank u for ur attention good bye
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despite how cold i feel abt veilguard now the dust has settled the only exception (other than solas who transcends the franchise entirely) is taash. literal butterflies in the tummy every time i see them in a gifset like i wish i was kidding
#/ datv critical#i do not care how bad their dialogue gets. the whole game is bad as if its their fault#and im going to be incredibly real with you i think the cringe makes them hotter and more likeable#like yknow how everybody makes fun of the tiktok butch fuckboy trope ???#well if i saw a butch tiktok fuckboy in the wild and they flirted with me im afraid it would work instantaneously.#and taash is no different. like taash for me feels like... if you take the stereotypical Stoic Introspective Brooding RO archetype#and show us what they were like in their origin story when they were TRYING to be stoic but just came across as really odd#NFNSNGIDNGJKDGN#AND I JUST. I JUST LOVE IT. I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ABT TAASH. i didnt even enjoy their romance in game but like#i do see the vision ultimately and i think all of the romamces are bad so whatever. cant rly blame them for that.#anyway ive been thinking abt my canon ROs this morning.. locking alistair/anders/solas/taash is a room together and throwing away the key#its. well. its making me feel a certain type of way and thats all i have to say on the matter !
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forest fire by ajj is SUCH a loveball fresh song to me bro

#NO ENERGY TO GO INTO DETAIL RN I MIGHT LATER IF ANYBODYS INTERESTED BUT!!! ITS A SHORT SONG#^ THIS WAS A LIE HELLO NEW FOLLOWERS FROM GARFIELD IM HERE TO RANT ABT AN EIGHT YEAR OLD PARTIALLY LOST ROLEPLAY VERY FEW PPL EVEN REMEMBER#YEARS IVE BEEN INSANE ABT FRESH- EIGHT AND COUNTIN#LOVEBALL FRESH U ARE SO TRAGIC TO ME FOREVER. thinks abt fresh tryin so so hard not to dwell on pacifrisk even when hes#universes and universes away#sometimes i think abt fresh 2.0 too dude he ties so much of his existence to bein BETTER than fresh. stronger better n in control#but man. he doesnt know bc he was never tested. he hadnt been around for anywhere near as long as fresh how long until he finds his own#version of pacifrisk#knowin if he slips up theres gonna be a fresh 3.0.. and he doesnt care bc he CANT care but fresh was made to be emotionless too#SOOO sooo many thoughts on both their emotionlessness affectin how they both see the world too#freshposting#chat#loveball#like bro imagine for literally all of ur life up to this point the only way u could feel even a shell of what other ppl call happiness is by#doin what u were made for. ur one reason for existin and ur only way for survival which is causin pain and possessing and hurtin people who#ur convinced and know would do the same to u in a heartbeat bc why wouldnt they? thats just how ppl work if theyre smart#and if they dont? if they like u? if they think they can know u or understand u? they think the world can be kind? then theyre stupid#or lyin to try and kill u bc why wouldnt they? theyre all strikes against u when ur every move is bein watched waitin for a tiny slip up so#u can be erased ETC LIKE .. MAN . fesh sands -> 👾🛹#AND ILL ALWAYS BE THE NUMBER 1 PROPONENT THAT HE CAN GET BETTER!!! HE CAN!!! HE CAN HEAL N MAKE FRIENDS N ACTUALLY . LIVE HE JUST DOESNT#*WANT* TO and also with the situation hes currently in makin it a billion times harder#the one loveball line abt him sayin hes not even ‘LUCKY’ enough to be a human or monster and have the lives they do makes me into the joker#INCOHERENT BUT IM SENDIN IT ANYWAYS BRO HIT POST!!!!! fresh u will always be famous and so so so tragic to me#he doesnt believe that he deserves a chance and sees that as objective truth LIKE OUH. in hindsight this could have been a post but
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laying here spinning in my head 1/adaine's new gf meets riz for the first time fic or 2/riz and baron fake dating for event thing fic maybe I just wanna think abt future stuff for my guy. just pure thinkin bout him chillin kickin ass
#not art#just realized Ive been typing on this document for an hour already lmao#adaines new gf is a warforged archival worker btw. she just appeared in my brain unprompted#I just think itd be funny for adaine's gf to have met and hung out with everyone in the party Except for riz#and riz seems normal and boring from what shes seen of him but every story she hears abt him is like#fully insane. and then she meets him and hes solidly both#I just think. a fic abt how every bad kid partner also immediately becomes a honorary proxy bad kid would be#good for riz's nerves eventually he realizes that like oh when my friends date that just means more friends for me#baron Is in riz's office throughout this fic however. thats my vision#the riz baron fake dating fic is fully it just idea rn but I think itd be fun to see#riz accepting his fear and then immediately weaponizing it#goes to an event where the people there supposedly hate his guts no matter how hard he conforms#and then slowly unleashing baron upon them#a bit too high concept for my brain atm but perhaps. eventually. itll get written#the first one is like 1k+ in already lmao. sometimes I do a little writing#eh. its for fun anyways I get at this when I want to. we'll see! for now. beautiful vision in my mind
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its wild just realizing how much people have done and experienced and how prepared they are for what's to come when i am . very much not . lmao
#having my daily ''oh my god i need to change my program'' crisis#its just idk . i feel like im woefully underprepared for doing any of this kinda stuff when everyone around me already knows#what theyre doing and what they wanna get out of it. idk.#and i have a slightly better idea of what i want to do but i havent figured out how im gonna get there.#and idk.#we were talking about what we want to do with this line of study after graduating and the only thing i could think of#was that i didnt choose this specific field because of what it had to offer#i chose it because it was the easiest way to get out of the situation i was in for a LOT of fucking reasons#and now that im out i guess i can start thinking abt what i really wanna get out of all this. idk.#probably gonna need to wait till next semester anyway but thats fine. ive been waiting for this for 20 years i can wait a little longer#but idk i guess its just a little frustrating feeling so Behind everyone else.#but i guess this is what happens when u pack ur whole life into 2 suitcases to escape a high control cult. who knew!!!#its time for dinner and i crave my daily portion of chow mien. and then i will watch show 3 inches from my computer screen so i can see.#winter speaks#overall i am vibing. a little frustrated with myself but it cant be helped. i am vibing :]#personal
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#feeling so silly lawwlll walking in circles#i thnk im feeling a special type of way ..#i know i keep going on ab the samw bs and how crazy gf YEAAH UEAH WE GET IT#but i thnk in doing so im like revisiting parts of myself and writing more and i think im jst being sentimental#sooo sentimental .. so saccharine ..#everyone has been rly nice ab my art LIKE SOOOOO NICE RECENTLY#and imean people always have like im very lucky and grateful 2 be able to feel like i can share my hobby .. ^__^#but i thjnk like . to take smth that is so representational of my like . art goals and wants from a young age#ouuyyyyuuuuuyyfff T__T ooiujjjjjj#I DONT KNWWW i dont know . i dont know what im saying but i feel like i just need 2 talk abd be like hey this is so reaffirming .needs 2#i think like . bc my life turned out soo different than i imagined ive been dealing w like . a lot of hopelessness and feeling soo stuck and#stagnant and idk bad things and in a way i think like . coming back 2 something years later and being able to see progress in such a physica#physical way and to feel like more at ease and more like myself than i ever have is rly crazy and making me think long and hard abt stuff#and its all of these like . reflections im dealing w that r then padded by like some of the nicest comments and tags itslike#head in my hands /pos . grief but like ij a way happy grief#INFEEL SOOO RIDICULOUS its ridiculous it rly is IHAHAHAHAHAHA#i think its bc im turning 25 soon and thats the age i told myself id never live past iykwim which ks like crazy to drop on tmblrdotcom#but there r so many emotions tied 2 that and i think this is just one of the things^ stupid fanart ^ that makes me rly happy idk#do you know what i mean . like i feel so goofy saying it but its genuinely the connection i rly appreciate and means a lot 2 me#i feel like my ‘thank yous/i appreciate it/ means a lot’ grow tired but its soo fr every time i swear#kicking rocks or watever . i wish i cld extend my gratitude but anyways . thanks 4 reading this far if u have#ughg man and i think of the friends ive made thru this blog specifically nd my eyes r burning#sorp.. guys i love u all thank u.
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one thing i've just been noticing abt ivory's videos is just. the idea of proving yourself, despite all of the odds against you. if its fighting a 100 wardens or killing god, there's always something to be proven. it's proving that you are capable of accomplishing anything, and you'll do so in a heartbeat.
and that, of course, builds a reputation, right? everyone knows ivory! and she's built a very intense reputation for herself, and she's pretty much feared on every single smp shes on
but with that reputation...you're pressured to keep it up. you're forced to go onto the next big thing. to prove that you can accomplish anything in a heartbeat.
so you do the same things over and over again, ramping up the stakes without taking a minute to calm down and breathe
but maybe, there's a small part of you that begs you to stop. to slow down, take a moment for yourself, and take a moment to look back at everything. just to rest
but.
you have a reputation to uphold. even as part of you screams at you and forces you to put in the breaks, the only thing on your mind is to keep on going. to prove you can do what you've set your mind to, and what you've worked so hard for.
(but in the end, it barely feels like anything before you turn away and look for the next accomplishment to complete, because you've killed off the part that forces you to step back and question what you're doing.)
#mcyt#ivorycello#having a normal one tonight . (lying)#btw i have 0 idea if this is the original intention of everything so don't take it as that#i support death of the author (when it comes to media analysis) anyways so. this is just what ivorys videos (so far) means To Me#i just find it So So So fascinating that ivory plays very strategically for everything she does#i havent found much fan content that explores that part of her which i think. is a shame bc its so interesting to me !!!#bc (at least to me) she always has a plan (in her videos) . everything she does is to lead up to a goal shes set for herself#and she Anyaylizes the best possible strategy that 1) plays to her strengths and 2) takes advantage or bypasses her weaknesses#and idk! thats just so Fascinating to me#also ive seen a few things abt ivorys latest video and burnout and. well its finals season rn so just been Thinking about that a lot#and i just think about it sometimes. anyways go watch ivorycello#and also if u wanna send me an ask abt this ^_^ feel free 2!!! im sure im forgetting a few things i can add 2 this but....ya#having a normal one tonight (lying)
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