#anyways. seeing what the Big Time reviewers (or even just reviewers who have the ~clout~ of being attached to any newspaper) put out as | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kotosnoozy · 2 years ago

Text

「witness me, old man」

chp 2 - café vesperia

2nd in a series of yuraven oneshots for my favourite aus, and first thing for my modern au, tales of the seaside!. ao3 link in the replies.

1. tales of asteria | recollections of eden 2. modern/coffee shop au 3. tales of the rays | 'it's new years! brave vesperia' event 4. schwann brigade yuri au 5. zestiria setting au 6. modern/band au. ao3 link in the replies.

“THE FUCKIN’ CHEEK OF THAT GUY!!”

There’s a clattering in the café as he flings open the office door to clomp downstairs. He’s met with the sight of Karol and Estelle scrambling to rescue a bundle of coats and bags from a pile on the floor, no doubt startled by his shouting (he’ll apologise to them later, when he’s not so monstrously pissed off). Even Judy seems distressed at the sight of him - his expression must be even more thunderous than the last time Flynn had helped to prepare their stock and absolutely tanked their income for the week as a result.

“Christ , Yuri, calm the fuck down, will you?” Rita scolds him. He merely growls in response, throwing himself into the seat opposite her and tossing her his phone.

“Not a chance in ‘ell. Not when I’ve just seen that.” he says. Rita slides her Gunnars off her head to sit on her nose, scanning the phone screen rapidly. The others watch on curiously as her brows furrow more and more with each word she reads. She’s speechless for a moment, as she finishes, simply staring blankly at the screen.

“...Fucking huh!?” she finally decides on.

“Right!?” Yuri responds, throwing his arms out wildly.

“What, what is it?” Karol says, abandoning the coats in lieu of trying to read over Rita’s shoulder. Estelle looks conflicted for a second, before she carefully re-hangs Judy’s bag and comes to join their impromptu staff meeting.

“Some absolute circus clown only gave us 4 stars on TripAdvisor!” she fumes, holding it back over her shoulder for Karol to read better. She doesn’t let go as he goes to take it from her, so he simply stands there clutching both it and her hand.

“Wait a sec…” he says, reading the review carefully, muttering the keywords out loud for the girls’ benefit. “Accessible… perfect beachfront location… vibrant but homely décor… great selection of food, even if you don’t have a sweet tooth… great value for high quality hand-made products… food 5/5, atmosphere 5/5, value 5/5… service only a 4!?”

“Oh my.” Judy exclaims.

“The hell does that even mean!? He didn’t even put a reason!!” Rita crows, snatching the phone back from Karol, scrolling angrily up the screen once more. “Who the hell does this… ‘Raven of Altosk’ guy think he is!?”

“Oh!” Estelle gasps. “Of Altosk , you said? Aren’t they that big online publication with review specialists that tour each county?”

“Yes, that’s right. They have a lot of clout when it comes to the service industry.” Judy muses aloud. “I’d been trying to keep up with our county’s reviewer to make sure we had our best face on when they got here, but… I guess they swapped guys around.”

“Oh no!” Estelle exclaims. “That’s a shame…”

"It is what it is." She shrugs. "It's not all bad, anyway - a 4/5 from an Altosk reviewer is still extremely high praise."

“Whaddya mean, our ‘best face’?” Yuri barks belatedly, face lemon-sour as he swings forward to grab his phone back from Rita. “We’re the best there is around ‘ere and you know it, Judy, we deserve way more than a 4. Ain’t any one of us that wouldn’t be worth a 5 for service - she might be prickly but even Rita knows better than to ruin a sale.”

“Hey.”

From the corner of his eye, as he ignores Rita’s indignation, he sees Estelle start to fidget. He turns to her, horrified to see her slowly begin to resemble a deer in headlights as she meets his eyes.

“...Estelle?”

She shrinks in on herself, gaze quickly averting.

“Estelle.”

“ Um!” she squeaks, even more mouselike than average. “Well, the thing is-”

Ding-ding-ding!

“G’mornin’, ladies n gents!” coos the sudden arrival triumphantly over the ring of the doorbell, startling all of them this time.

In the doorway stands a man who’s familiar to Yuri - he’s always found it hard to forget a handsome face, and this one is more so than most. If he’s remembering correctly, he’s a customer from a few days prior. He’d ordered a salmon bagel and a double shot of his guaranteed-to-raise-the-dead Blast Heart espresso, which he’d drained in a matter of seconds, before ordering another with a wink (Yuri knows he shouldn’t have found that hot, but he’s self-admittedly a man of strange taste).

He’s traded his previous low v-neck grape shirt (which had displayed an intricate spiralling tattoo buried beneath a veritable explosion of fluffy chest hair that Yuri had really wanted to get his hands into) for a too-big yellow raincoat. He looks less like a hot older bear, and more like Paddington Bear on a rainy day - though somehow it’s still kind of working for him?

His cocky lopsided grin somehow twinkles ( ‘Is that a gold tooth?’ Yuri thinks, throat suddenly dry) as he scans the staff of Café Vesperia.

“Bad time?” he drawls, seemingly already knowing the answer.

“Wait a--” there’s a screech of metal against wood as Rita jumps to her feet. “YOU!!”

The man blinks, smile innocent but the crease to his eyes anything but.

“Me?”

She whips to look at Yuri so quickly he’s half surprised her glasses don’t go flying across the room.

“Yuri, it’s the fuckin’ Altosk guy!!”

It’s his turn to blink confusedly.

“...huh?”

She glares at him in disbelief.

“Look at the guy’s profile picture, you idiot.”

He glances down to his phone. She’s right - the same catlike grin that just walked through the door stares up at him from his screen too.

In an instant, all idle daydreams of shoving the man up against the nearest wall and ravishing him are gone. Now the only thing he wants to do to him is kill him.

His chair goes tumbling even faster than Rita’s, clattering to the floor so loudly that Estelle lets out another involuntary squeak. He’s across the room in a matter of steps, grabbing the man by his stupid yellow coat with a snarl and pulling him so close that he can practically taste his breath.

“What’s the big idea, shitlord!?” he shouts, tone absolutely venomous. “You know for a fuckin’ fact that we’re the best food place on the beachfront, so why the fuck did you give us a worse review than the Van Eltia!?”

‘Raven’ continues to smirk at him, entirely unaffected by his anger. Behind him, Judy huffs a weary sigh, muttering something exasperatedly about ‘boys’ as she goes to set up the register for the day.

Karol makes a small noise of surprise.

“Wait. Is… is this all just about your stupid cockfight with Eizen…?!”

Raven snickers. Yuri shakes him firmly. It does nothing to stop him.

“Shut up Karol, that isn’t important right now.” he spits over his shoulder. “What is is that I’m gonna murder this guy, how the fuck are you saying the Van Eltia has better service than us when they have Magilou and Rokurou!?”

The older man sends him a withering, pitying look. It takes every bit of strength in his body to suppress the urge to bite him.

“Well, fer one thing, dear Magillanica’s never tried t’kill me.”

“I find that really hard to believe.”

Raven barks a laugh.

“S’cause o’ this sort o’ treatment, sweetcheeks.”

“Huh?” Yuri says intelligently, caught off guard. “ What sort of treatment?”

“Yer customer service is a shambles, love.”

He blinks at him. The other man’s still smiling, but it doesn’t seem mocking like before. He’s entirely serious.

He finds himself at a loss for words.

“You… are a little unprofessional sometimes, Yuri.” Estelle pipes up bashfully. “In a… not-so- endearing way.”

“Exactly!” crows Raven, with a snap and point of his finger in Estelle’s direction. “The young lady gets it!”

He meets Yuri’s eyes, dropping the timbre of his voice lower as he speaks just for his captor’s ears.

“Don’t get me wrong though, darlin’, I love a bit o’ verbal abuse fr'm a pretty face.” he says, with a waggle of his eyebrows that leaves Yuri red and spluttering. “But I know that int fer everyone.”

He’s so taken off guard that his grip slackens - the older man takes the opportunity to slip out of his grasp, putting a little distance between them with a wink. He scowls in response.

“I couldn’t get this place out my mind though - ‘s nice! Real spiffy.”

“Spiffy? ” Rita parrots, “What year are you from, 1943?”

He ignores her.

“In all honesty, ‘s a real shame I had to rate you below Van Eltia. Person’lly , I prefer Vesperia , but ol’ Aifread runs a real tight ship. Only way you’ll get that perfect score is by perfectin’ yer pleasantries, Mr Lowell. ‘N that means no swearin’ in awe when yer customers can drink way more of yer fancy coffee than y’expected.”

“Really , Yuri?” Karol mutters exasperatedly. His ears burn in mortification - Karol feeling justified judging him for being messy with how bad he is whenever Nan or Jude show up is a new personal low.

“And how the fu --” his teeth grit painfully as he clamps his jaw shut, catching himself before the curse can leave his lips. Raven seems impressed, lazy gaze widening as his seemingly-omnipresent playful smile splits into a toothy grin. It almost makes the blood he’s drawn nicking the inside of his cheek worth it.

He exhales deeply, trying again.

“How on earth do you expect me to do that on short notice?” he drawls tiredly.

“Well wi’ ‘ow quick you were to correct yerself jus’ now, I’d say yer on the right track already lad!” Raven crows, digging his hands deep into the pockets of his raincoat. “An’ wi’ a bit o’ gentle coaxin’ from ol’ Raven here, ye’ll be right as rain in two shakes of a lamb’s tail!”

The confusion in the room is palpable. Yuri doesn’t have to turn around to know the brows of every member of his team are furrowed. Raven, looking around at them all, somehow has the gall to look confused .

“What?”

“Whaddyou mean, what?” Rita throws right back at him.

“If you’ll forgive my saying so, Mr Raven,” Estelle starts, doing her best to calm Rita with a hand to her shoulder “it is an awfully strange proposal.”

“‘Ow come?” he chirps, eyebrow quirked. “Seems like an ‘I scratch your back, you scratch mine’ sort o’ situation t’ me.”

“How , exactly?” Judy asks, leaning over the counter with an air of menace, as always on the lookout for those who’d seek to do them harm. There’s a wave of pride that accompanies any flares of protectiveness Judy has for their business, and this time is no different - Yuri can’t help the tiny huff of amusement that escapes him, though it seems that it doesn’t go unnoticed by Raven either.

“Don’t worry yer pretty little ‘ead, darlin’,” he says, tone sincere and gaze steady. “I ain’t out to do any damage - no under’anded business from me, cross me heart.”

He pulls a hand back out of his coat, and it goes up to scratch at the underside of his chin as he averts his gaze - somehow he seems almost bashful.

“Ye ain’t been ‘ere long in the grand scheme o’ things, but… I dunno. Vesperia’s cozy . Got a right nice vibe to it. And ye all seem like decent folk. A little nuts, but not in an ‘armful way like certain locals I could name.”

(His first and only visit to the local chippy (in which he’d witnessed one member of staff doing her utmost to dunk another’s head into the chip fryer while they swore up a storm) instantly comes to mind - he’s pretty sure he knows what the older man means by ‘harmful’ and he can’t say he’s not glad that they don’t fall into that category)

“I’m not expectin’ to put any dosh in m’pocket, mind.” he continues, meeting Yuri’s steely gaze confidently. “But I’d be lyin’ if I said that there weren’t… other benefits to you lot stickin’ around.”

It shouldn’t surprise him to find, as he pettily refuses to break eye contact, that Raven’s eyes are as handsome as the rest of him. They’re piercing and warm and intense despite resembling chipped ice, and he finds himself only growing warmer as they slowly begin to rake down his body - breathless as the older man chews at his lip, easy to mistake for an idle habit but feeling to Yuri in that moment like anything but.

He barely knows this man. Despite his pretty, comforting words, his goals are strange and his motivations unclear, and Yuri has more trust issues than pairs of socks; should know not to blindly place faith in strangers.

And yet.

Maybe it’s his imagination - no doubt aided by thoughts from places further south than his brain - but it’s like there’s something in the air between them, crackling like electricity, something more than the simple chemistry he’s felt with other hot people he’s met in this town. The tension is addictive and there’s a weight in his chest, fluttering, that tells him to chase it, hold it and never let go, lose himself to it completely and see where it leads.

It feels, a tiny voice in the back of his mind chirps, as Raven’s eyes settle on his once more, like it could be home.

“And what ‘benefits’ are we talking here?” asks Rita, far from impressed, from his periphery.

Raven’s mouth slowly lifts into a gentle smile, dazzling, as he continues to stare straight at Yuri, and he feels his heart lurch with a frankly disgusting amount of hope in response.

Then he smirks.

“Why, more o’ Mister Lowell’s fancy coffee o’course!” he chirps, grin shit-eating.

And then he shuffles away, over to the counter, paying absolutely no mind to Yuri even as he proceeds to choke violently on his own spit.

“A double shot ‘o Blast Heart, please, Judy darlin’!” he hears the older man coo, distantly, as Karol rushes over to him to slap him on the back, Estelle chittering worriedly.

When, spine bruised and throat raw, he finally manages to breathe normally again, he casts a sour glance Raven’s way. He finds him lounging against the counter like he belongs there, smug gaze trained on Yuri even as Judy slides his espresso his way. He takes it without looking, offering her a silent wave of his fingers in thanks. Then with a wink at Yuri, he necks it cleanly, exactly as he had a few days prior, before turning to order a second.

Raven of Altosk, Yuri muses, is absolutely going to be a pain in the arse from here on out, whether I want him to or not. And it’d be an outright lie if I said I wasn’t at least a little bit looking forward to it.

5 notes · View notes

muwur · 4 years ago

Text

snapchat headcanons

✧ hc’s ✧ for using snapchat w ur boi toi ft. the pretty setter squad

❧ gn reader

✎ 3.1k words

a/n: kinda a combo of how they use sc and the kinds of snaps they send you! along w wat u send them, and uh... dating stuf n shenanigans? texting/snapping habits? my fantasies? IDEK ANYMORE EOFHEFJ

this was born from the recesses of my mind , which desired nothing mor than snapchats from suga , us sending cute selfies , others bein dumb n chaotic , no context videos , n him snapping me photos of some mangoes on sale he said he’ll buy for me DXX it’s too late for me now

doing research on hq bois and surfing thru sc features (im just now realizing theres quite a bit?? im hoping i address most of them at some point lolol) instead of real life tings aHHhhhHAHA

requests: open! will be working on a suga one i got, dw, requester!

sugawara

✧ sends good morning and good night snaps

✧ so he’s rlly good at keeping streaks, probs has the longest ones (one of them being y’alls streak)

✧ posts tidbits of volleyball practice on his story every once in a while

✧ snaps you pics of his sleeping teammates when they’re coming back to school after a long day of matches , adding a single ‘❤️’ as a caption

✧ he will also create colorful masterpieces on all of them

✧ gives daichi a santa beard, tanaka a squiggly stache (i imagine it to look like spongebob n patrick’s seaweed ones now that were mEN), n kageyama sum angry brows,,, wait he already has them lolol u good der kags

✧ posts a picture of you when you’re hanging out, captioning it: “🥰“

✧ has conversations with you purely via snaps

✧ ranges from casual chats and checking up on u to crackwhoring ( ** indicates the photo, while the “” quotes indicate the caption, all snaps are italicized, otherwise its regular dialogue)

✧ suga: *peace sign* “hey sweetheart, how r u?”

✧ you: *pics of homework* “ahh, drowning in school ;-; i cant wait for this week to be over fghjkl”

✧ suga: *close up with :o on his face* “let’s study together tmrw!”

✧ or

✧ suga: *complete darkness* “its 3 am n i cant sleep”

✧ you: *the top half of your head, laying on a pillow* “ ;( aw babe. do u want me to send something to help u sleep?”

✧ suga: *still in darkness* “y u still up?? go sleep. n 🥺 yes pls”

✧ you: *snaps pics of feet* “that’ll be 50 bucks, pay up”

✧ suga: *darkness remains* “can we make a trade instead? i promise to make it worth ;)”

✧ ok now u BOTH cant sleep (im sry my crackheading be acting up around 2am eeryday, i stan a mischievous suga--)

✧ video chats (in the darkness lol) instead until you both pass out (im not in luv u r 😭)

✧ super down to take filtered selfies w you

✧ does all the silly ones with you (things like ’angry face’ or the frog one)

✧ but also rlly digs lookin cute with you using some heart crowns, y’all an aesthetic (n crakhead) duo fosho

✧ def subscribes to life hacks and tries them out himself, has a 50% success rate

kageyama

✧ doesn’t rlly use snapchat too much

✧ but when he does

✧ will either send you a picture to indicate he’s at volleyball practice (wow wat a sexi lookin gym floor)

✧ or some random picture of whatever he’s doing at the moment (*drinking milk*)

✧ this is mostly in order to save streaks

✧ he’s so bad at streaks

✧ “why does it matter?? what’s the point of sending just black screens or whatever’s in front of you at the moment??”

✧ can’t keep a consistent streak for more than 3 days and also doesn’t care (until hinata challenges him to see who can have the longer one)

✧ when you send him videos of him playing, he really focuses on them to try to improve his technique. asks you to send those vids to him (assuming u saved them, which u did)

✧ but when you look over his shoulder when he’s watching a video and give him some compliment (“i recorded at the perfect moment! that was a really good set, kageyama!”), he gets a bit flustered

✧ gets even more flustered but pretty happy whenever you post videos on your story showing karasuno winning some points with captions like:

✧ “footage of the legendary quick >.>” or “karasuno crows flyin high!” or “these bois make my heart 😭 im so proud”

✧ you WILL catch him off guard in photos, using filters that surrounds his head w/ emojis like 🥺💖🥰💘

✧ you also put these on your story (to his dismay)

✧ ppl comment on these mor than anything else (n for those who dont rlly kno kageyama, theyre kinda surprised to him like this)

✧ hinata snickers “hey kageyama you look pretty good here--”

✧ takes some selfies with you, mostly cuz you want them

✧ saves them after u send them over (n secretly cherishes them)

✧ occasionally watches his subscriptions, they’ll usually involve sports, mostly volleyball (who woulda guessed)

✧ you use his bitmoji to test out random facial expressions you would never see him wear

✧ you: “can you smile and wink like this? act like you’re the obnoxious charming guy in a shojo.”

✧ will actually attempt, but it looks so bad that you die inside and he never wants to try again cuz of ur laughing outburst (you: “😭😭 bb im sorry i couldnt help it”)

oikawa

✧ literally sends you anything and everything

✧ morning bathroom selfie to show off how good his hair came out that day, saying:

✧ “he has risen”

✧ or “i woke up like this”

✧ and my favorite, “you’re lucky you get this content for frEE”

✧ selfies with iwa, who just looks annoyed and exasperated at the camera

✧ sends you pics of his lunch and snacks (“bet u wish u had milk bread too”)

✧ always packs extra milk bread so he could convince you to stay at his practice after school--

✧ FILTERSS

✧ I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENUF

✧ will either use the filters that make him kayooottt (cute)

✧ loves the ones named ‘hearts,’ ‘soft,’ ‘peach,’ ‘butterfly cheeks,’ vsco filters LOL, etc

✧ uses ‘big mouth’ when he feelin a bit sASSY; also loves to use this one when he rants, it channels his inner valley girl

✧ sometimes he’ll be snacking or drinking something while he does so (“hey guys today im gonna eat these milk buns from my favorite bakery and this bomb orange juice and complain about this little kid who talked smack to me earlier and almost made me cry--”)

✧ takes cute selfies with you, is an aesthetic selfie king, puts them on his story to show off he’s hangin with you

✧ but on your story you only post the ones he looks bad in LOL

✧ has separate stories for his every need, some r private (and lucky you, ur included in all of them)

✧ titles them ‘mean things iwa said to me today,’ ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ ‘a day in the life of oikawa,’ ‘volleyball 🏐,’ ‘unpopular opinions,’ etc.

✧ fitting room photoshoots lol

✧ “y/n, what do you think of this??” “and this?” “oOH WHAT ABOUT THIS??”

✧ ends up calling you through video chat so you can live critique his choices

✧ “oikawa, please no, i can’t be seen with you in public if you wear those--”

✧ also changes his bitmoji’s outfits from time to time, hopes you’ll notice, but you don’t LOL (oikawa: ;((((((( )

kenma

✧ uses sc usually just to reply to messages ppl send him

✧ indifferent about streaks, but keeps a few with ppl he’s closer to

✧ mindlessly plays the snapchat games with you, finds some of them kinda cute

✧ you both made his bitmoji for him, dressing his up in the orange cat suit

✧ you also helped make kuroo’s and put his in the black cat suit to match--

✧ snaps you every time he gets a new game, starts playing it, and once he finishes

✧ started to post some gameplays and reviews on his sc story (might as well add them to sc since he was already on other social platforms), and ended up amassing a large following

✧ follows the tech and gaming stories on sc

✧ as well as the ones with cute animals--

✧ open to selfies with you, usually wears a calm expression and holds up a peace sign

✧ even occasionally sticks his tongue out

✧ his story is occasionally heavily bombarded with candids of him w/ pretty sc filters, all taken by you

✧ but of all the filters, you love using the clout glasses on him

✧ especially when he’s just minding his own business

✧ “kenma, in his tru habitat” when hes cocooned in a blanket

✧ “kenma, on his way to steal yo manz” while on his way to the bathroom

✧ “kenma, next iron chef. watch out gordon” as he’s cooking instant ramen

✧ “kenma” n das it

✧ but he thinks it meme-y so he lets you do whatever you want, kinda digs it

✧ you end up dedicating your snap story to memes of kenma and the nekoma volleyball team. ppl are in it for the shits n giggles n hot bois

✧ you later discover someone else did the same thing with their volleyball team filled with hot bois from shiratorizawa, and you befriend tendou and share funni internet tings

akaashi

✧ 99% of his photos include either you or bokuto or both

✧ bokuto spams akaashi’s story and contact list with selfies and videos of himself using weird filters, often gets you to join him

✧ has several streaks, but will send something with more substance than a black screen or his bedroom window

✧ will usually involve smthng that just happened to him or smthing he saw, like:

✧ “a kind older lady offered me some apples in return for helping her”

-or:

✧ “how do i break the news to bokuto that the yaikniku place he’s been wanting to go to for the past week ,,, is closed today”

✧ o n let’s not leave out:

✧ “is it possible to conjure a ghost using a wooden spatula, ketchup, and a chalk drawn hexagram? bokuto’s been paranoid ever since he tried last night and i dont know what to tell him. seriously, help”

✧ looks through stories occasionally, comments whenever bokuto makes questionable decisions

✧ also comments on whatever you’ve posted. his words range from “you’re cute” to “why,” depending on the content

✧ ppl know when y’all are hanging out cuz he’ll post smthing to indicate he’s with you, usually it’s some candid and you’re not paying attention

✧ appreciation posts for you as well! esp if you got him something, like onigiri or his fav, Nanohana no Karashiae , for lunch! (akaashi: *snaps a pic of his food* “thank you y/n for feeding me”)

✧ prefers video calling over texting/snapping whenever possible tho

✧ occasionally reminisces thru his sc memories

✧ enjoys the flashback feature and will send them to you and bokuto (cuz they’re about y’all anyway lolol)

✧ also has secretly saved a bunch of selfies of himself, consists of him trying out a lot of the filters (he feelin himself)

✧ you, one day, looking thru his phone and discovering them: “akaashi, you’re so pretty wtf”

✧ akaashi: “...”

koganegawa

✧ sends you selfies of him before practice

✧ during breaks

✧ and after practice, usually makes a comment about how it went for him that day like:

✧ “i hit a decent toss today and futakuchi actually complimented me!”

✧ that, or:

✧ “i got yelled at 17 times today 😢😩”

✧ has quite a few streaks, his longest ones being with you and hinata

✧ def uses filters

✧ tries out every funny one he finds and sends you videos

✧ “look y/n im an aaaaAALlliiEEENnnNNN oo oo hoo hhhooOOh”

✧ “now im a chicky nuggy!!” (chicken nugget)

✧ also enjoys the doodle feature

✧ but he uses the filter with the clout glasses unironically--

✧ usually when smth good happens to him and he feels happy and/or cool about it

✧ “just beat the boss in this game on my 69th try B)”

✧ “kogane, that’s--”

✧ plays sc games with you and thinks bitmojis r cool

✧ kinda sad he cant find a hair option that matches him tho lolol rip

✧ you: “you hair’s just,,, unique,,,”

✧ subscribed to anything sports and fitness, as well as pop culture so he can stay in the loop

✧ also watches everyone else’s stories, pointing out whenever he sees smthing cool and/or interesting

✧ “woahh, karasuno’s at nationals right now! i wish we could’ve won, but next year for sure!!”

✧ you encourage him at all his games, hyping him up irl and online

✧ “koganegawa: best setter 😍!!”

✧ luckily you didnt record the parts he completely messed up LOL

semi

✧ before going out with you, snaps you a pic of his casual outfit like:

✧ semi: “does this look ok”

✧ you: “babe you look great, tendou was just messing with you”

✧ will make unwanted appearances on tendou’s snap and complains to you about them

✧ “i didnt consent to being part of his meme page” and

✧ “okay, but he didn’t only have to share all the moments i messed up--”

✧ also indifferent about streaks but will do them

✧ sometimes sends snaps/streaks indicating he’s practicing his music

✧ when you see these you usually ask him to send you vids or if you can come over n watch

✧ initially is a bit shy about it but he loves what he does and you and knows you’re genuinely interested and supportive so he agrees

✧ secretly rlly enjoys having you as his personal audience

✧ lowkey into asmr, like the soap cutting shit as well as chewing crunchy things

✧ also watches food porn and clips of mukbangs, then can’t resist going on youtube and watching the whole thing

✧ “y/n, can we try this, it looks so good--”

✧ will also often watch oikawa’s stories, especially his ‘ranting hotbox + mukbangs,’ and makes comments about him being an idiot

✧ “this kid he’s talking about is a savage”

✧ but admits they’re quite entertaining

✧ just looks serious in all the selfies you take with him

✧ you: “can you look like you’re enjoying yourself?”

✧ semi: “i look cooler like this tho”

✧ sc memories filled with shenanigans from you and the volleyball team, doodles, and mirror selfies with him experimenting diff looks (you: “tendou, you got him way too concerned about this”)

✧ also enjoys showing off he’s with you, taking a short video of you when you hang out

✧ you: “semi, i look bad right now”

✧ semi: “but you can never look bad”

✧ you: “🥺 bb”

✧ viewers: “aw”

✧ shiratorizawa: “can he be this nice with us LOL”

shirabu

✧ his main mode of communication with you is mostly through the regular messaging app, so he doesn’t use sc too much

✧ also doesn’t care for streaks and is bad at keeping them

✧ will answer to you or his senpais rather soon tho

✧ but lets all his other notifications pile up a bit before finally going thru them

✧ goes through the snaps he receives really fast, spending like 2 seconds each to look at them cuz aint nobody got time for dat

✧ doesn’t even rlly open goshiki’s LOL

✧ you have fun using filters on him and taking videos while he’s just doing his own thing peacefully like studying

✧ it takes him a second to notice and when he finally looks up, he just gives you an exasperated look

✧ cue you cracking up with laughter bc the filter finally shows up on his face

✧ his eyes and mouth are now on mike wazowski

✧ that, or his face becomes so disturbingly moRPhed like an alien

✧ caption: “ken-chan, my future medical man 😍”

✧ “y/n, please, this is like the 7th time in the last 20 minutes--”

✧ finally convinced him to take a study break and hang out with you

✧ which usually consists of snacking and light banter while you lay your head on his lap

✧ and scrolling through snapchat stories and showing him what everyone else is up to and cool things you’re subscribed to

✧ “loooook, dr. miami’s doing another butt job! is this the line of work you’re studying so hard for?”

✧ “no, it’s really not”

✧ is actually very soft with you and likes having the photos and vids for memories

atsumu

✧ sends you snaps where his brother looks bad, captioning it:

✧ “this is evidence that im the hotter twin”

✧ likewise, osamu sends you snaps where atsumu looks even worse

✧ like, the mans passed out, looking rekt and open mouthed, drool seeping into his pillow

✧ osamu: “u still have time to break up with him”

✧ also lucky for you, atsumu also loves to take unflattering photos of you and send them to you randomly at like 2 am

✧ you: “nani tf when did you even take this??”

✧ usually posts a snap while he’s out somewhere like at a match, the gym, outside on a run, a party, or just hanging out with you or his frens

✧ however, makes sure you look good if you show up on his story cuz he wants to show you off

✧ doesn’t really care for streaks, but has a lott

✧ but also has a tON of unopened snaps

✧ is the type to send just a black screen n call it a day, or maybe spice it up by sending a pic of the sexi gym floor (a comeback) w his shoe in the corner

✧ will, however, consistently respond to you and kinda looks forward to ur snaps (secretly hopes you show ur face)

✧ but when you dont:

*in class*

✧ atsumu: *a smirk on his face* “your content’s kinda dry today”

✧ you: *your sexi desk* “my nudez ain’t free, i demand compensation”

✧ atsumu: *grasped his chin in thought, but angled the cam up bc he needa hide his phone in class lolol* “what if i... take you out on a romantic excursion”

✧ you: * your face but with ‘sausage’ filter* “🥵🥵🥵🥵 yessir, what u want”

✧ rlly only wants to have pics of your face wat a closeted sOFTIE

✧ likes to have content on his flashbacks

✧ usually has other social media sources to keep up to date with things

✧ actually rlly digs using sc filters, mostly ones that’ll make him look like a queen

✧ captions a selfie of you two like: “me >>>>>>> y/n”

✧ but nearly everyone who comments on it is like: “i think you flipped the sign, bro 🤥”

✧ judges ppl who are into soap cutting asmr (you will never hear the end of it if you also like it)

a/n: sc kinda dying for me, my use went from suga to an atsumu to like nearly nonexistent LOL

also o gawd i already have ideas here n there for a pt 2 so stay tuned fjxnwfesd hope it takes me less long cuz this one took me fkin foreva LOL

idk y i made semi like mukbangs but i feel like he’d be rlly into them--

#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu reader insert #sugawara x reader #kageyama x reader #oikawa x reader #kenma x reader #akaashi x reader #koganegawa x reader #semi x reader #shirabu x reader #atsumu x reader #haikyuu headcanons

430 notes · View notes

forgiveness-in-the-misery · 3 years ago

Text

I just read a couple of reviews on the new TCM which always includes most the review being a step by step play of the film and both of them state that the old lady is actually Leatherface’s birth mom.

Like anybody know that’s true?

I’m still confused becsuse the photos on the wall made it appear he grew up in the orphanage which makes no sense if this is a sequel to the first film unless he’s like a baby brother and that’s the plot twist that he isn’t Bubba, he’s like Bubba’s baby brother we never knew about or some shit.

If she’s his birth mom she looked currently as old as Drayton should have been by the 80s sequel so how the fuck….? Then again Leatherface just seems in this movie like he’s not that old? I know he’s old but he kinda just at what we see of him like a big scary middle aged man (but like in that weirdly hot way, I’m still a slasher fucker cmon) like this new lore doesn’t make sense

The movie ending with him returning to the Sawyer home is doubly confusing since…why? We heard the orphanage was his home but also the farm was his home so now what? Will this get so much backlash we never get a sequel just like Death Note which is what I’m praying for, or will we get a sequel to this sequel muddling even more of the 1974 film’s very easy to follow lore.

Which is another thing I don’t like about this film other than it’s snobbish preachy bull shit.

The movie tries so fucking hard to improve upon the lore. This movie wanted to be Halloween so bad with its insinuated lore that Michael is actually a demonic presence who apparently just wanted to stand in his dead sister’s room and stare out a window and never gave a fuck about Laurie or anybody else this whole time.

Leatherface gets that same treatment. He’s got a mom now apparently, he returns to the farm as if it’s all he wanted despite living with his mom for like 50? Years. So that’s confusing. Do his brothers we saw in the ‘74 film even exist anymore or were they retconned? Is he an unkillable demon? The original film and the ‘84 sequel were great because they constantly drove home the fact that he is literally just some guy.

He could be easily physically hurt but because of his size, his strength, his long range weapons like the chainsaw, and the fact he usually surprised his victims is what made him seem unstoppable but anytime he got hit or cut or shot he reacted by howling in pain.

In this movie he takes bullets like he’s fucking Jason Vorhees and just keeps on walking….so are we saying he’s a demon? Is he literally a monster now?

Because that sucks. Slasher films of the 70s to 90s could be fun because many of them the killer was literally just a person which is what was terrifying seeing what one human could do to another human. But now with the reboots of Halloween and TCM that’s being retconned to allude to the idea these men are actually mystical creatures that have never been human at all. Which sucks considering movies about monsters and demons are most of what get released anymore and even Scream after the second film started feeling like it’s some kind of virus that possesses people to make them act like a killer clout hungry douchebag.

So anyway I don’t like I watched a movie and came away still not knowing what it’s about other than trust fund sjw hipsters are actually the worst thing ever which I already knew. I didn’t need a movie to tell me that though the movie didn’t seem to even want to tell me that.

#Texas chainsaw massacre

4 notes · View notes

absolutepx · 4 years ago

Text

So I've been playing Death Stranding lately. Wait, that's not what this post is about. Well, it kind of is. Hang on. What is Death Stranding about?

A: Norman Reedus getting bare ass naked B. Sneaking around ghosts with the help of your sidekick, an actual baby C: Carrying 50 Amazon packages up a hill while trying to not topple over D: Waking up in the morning and drinking 5 Monster Energy™ for breakfast

For those following along at home, the answer is actually none of the above. Despite the set dressing being bizarre to the point of near absurdity, what the game is actually about, like thematically, is actually really simple.

See, the development of Death Stranding was actually quite a trip. Hideo Kojima is the video game world's equivalent of an auteur director. He has a very recognizable personal style. It's thoroughly horny – he caught a bunch of shit for the design of Quiet in MGSV, but like, a lot of Kojima characters are just -like that-, including the dudes. Also, this is going to possibly be important later.

Anyway, so Kojima was going to do a rebootmakequel of Silent Hill, and the demo actually made it to the PS store and I could actually write a whole side essay about why P.T. (it was called P.T. for some reason btw) was brilliant game design for how it used the same hallway over and over and it was somehow beneficial to the overall feeling of horror. So Konami it turns out kinda sucks nowadays and they like, fired Kojima (they were huge dicks about it behind closed doors, too) and scrapped the project and kicked him out on the street and kept the Metal Gear series which was his baby (literally the baby in the sink in P.T., he snuck a bunch of messaging about the Konami situation into the demo like a breakup album) and Kojima would go on to form his own studio and poach some of the people who worked with him to boot. So the thing about Kojima is this: he's got a reputation for already putting some wild shit in his games, like a ladder that takes like 10 real time minutes to climb in MGS3 for dramatic effect, and a boss in MGS3 that summons the ghosts of all the people you were too lazy to stealth past and killed, or a sniper battle with a really old guy that he wanted to have last two weeks or some shit until he died of old age but he was "told that "this was impossible and not recommended." That is a real quote I just looked up. So he's coming off the heels of making this hugely successful game with MGSV and the hype of the P.T. Demo and he fucking, he like took all the people that were going to be working on P.T. Along like Guillermo Del Toro was going to co-write it and Norman Reedus was going to star in it, and he's like, I'm going to make this game called Death Stranding. And the first trailer comes out for it and it's completely nuts. Norman Reedus wakes up naked on a beach crying with a baby and there are floating people in the sky? So we're all like hooooooly shit, there's no one to tell him "this is impossible and not recommended" anymore. What's he going to make now!?

So the whole time the game is in development I keep seeing these tweets where it'll be like, Kojima and one of his homies smiling with some saccharine message about being spiritual warriors and changing the world. And not just Del Toro and Reedus, there was Mads Mikkelsen (another guy Kojima puts in the game just because he apparently loves him), and the band Chvches, and also like, Keanu Reeves at one point? You know how everyone has just kind of accepted that Keanu is a being of light? Here he was endorsing Kojima. The hype was pretty confused and frantic.

The game eventually comes out. A lot of game journos hate it because I think there was this expectation it was going to be, you know, less weird and have more of the conventional structure of a video game. That's not to say the average gamer wasn't also dismissive of it, but I think on the ground level there was more of an understanding that like, yeah, Kojima just be like that sometimes.

Because the game was a timed console exclusive and your homie don't play like that, I spent the first year or so cautiously viewing Death Stranding from a distance. I wasn't sure I was going to like it – except for being really impressed with P.T., I wasn't actually a big fan of Kojima's games as games – but I -was- sure that I was going to buy it, because of the way Konami fucked him over, just out of support. And the shit I was hearing was really out there. The primary mode of gameplay is just delivery packages. You collect Norman Reedus' bathwater and pee and use it as grenades. You get a motorcycle that looks like the one from AMC's The Ride with Norman Reedus, and when you sit on it, his character in the game says "Wow, this thing is like the one from AMC's The Ride with Norman Reedus!"

youtube

But I didn't really want to know that much about it. Something has that much fucking crazy person energy, you want to go in mostly blind, right? So maybe people just weren't talking about this, or maybe I wasn't seeing it, but then I watched Girlfriend Reviews' video about it and they came right out and said it (link provided if you want to hear Shelby say it more articulately than me):

youtube

Death Stranding is basically about the exact opposite of Twitter. It's about remembering how to be kind to each other, how to reconnect in a world where people are so often hostile to each other by default. Prophetically, it's about a world where people are afraid to go outside or touch other people and how damaging that is. It's not a game about carrying packages, it's a game about helping people by being brave enough to walk through a wasteland carrying their burdens because they can't. It's about rebuilding the lost connections between people, about restoring roads and giving people hope. I bet, for Kojima and the people close to him, it's about how to answer hostility with compassion. You can't kill people in Death Stranding. You can and are absolutely encouraged to fucking throw hands with people sometimes, but all the tools and weapons are nonlethal. So I think Kojima took all the Twitter heat he got over the Quiet nontroversy, and all the feelings of isolation he had from Konami separating him from his team during the end of the development of MGSV, and all the support and encouragement he got from his bros Del Toro and Mads and the rest, and decided to channel that into making a game that was a statement about all of it. And sure, it's a little heavy handed, and sure, it's a little saccharine, and sure, the gameplay sometimes borders on miserable in service of creating emotional payoffs. For me, especially in 2020, this message is a huge success. Social media should be an opportunity for all of us to feel more connected to each other, yet primarily it feels like one of the main forces driving people apart. Why is that? Why is the internet of today such a hostile place? I'm old enough to remember web 1.0: I can haz cheezburger memes; YTMND; the early wild west days of Youtube... What happened to us? I've thrown the blame at Twitter in the past, and I think the architecture of the user experience on Twitter is absolutely a big piece of the puzzle, because it fosters negative interactions. But in terms of the behavior, people have observed that 2018 Twitter was actually almost exactly like 2014 Tumblr. (For the record, Tumblr is now one of the chillest places left on the internet, because so few fucks are left to give.)

I think part of it is the anonymity. The dehumanizing disconnection of the separation of screens and miles. Louis CK, before he was cancelled, had a great point about cyberbullying, and why it's so much more savage than kids are IRL. When you pick on someone in person and you are confronted with seeing the pain you caused them, for most sane people it causes negative feedback and you become disgusted with your actions and eventually learn to stop being a shithead. Online, at best you can "break the wrist, walk away".

youtube

At worst, you can become addicted to "clout chasing" and the psychological thrill of being cheered on by your social ingroup. It's even worse if you feel like it's not bullying and your actions are justified because whoever you've targeted is a bad person so you don't have to feel bad about what you do to them. This is where reductive, unhelpful catchphrases like "punch a nazi" come in. For every argument, one or both sides have convinced themselves that the other side is subhuman because their beliefs are so disgusting. And sometimes it's even true! A lot of times, especially these days, people really are acting like animals or worse online. Entire disinformation engines are roaring day and night, churning out garbage and cluttering the social consciousness. (Kojima talked about this bit, too, way back in MGS2. As if I wasn't already in danger of losing my thread through this.)

youtube

The human brain was not built to live like this. You can't wake up every morning, roll over and open your phone, and be immediately faced with a tidal wave of anger and indignity. It wasn't built to be aware of fully how horrible the world is at any moment ALL AT ONCE, ALL THE TIME. And you will be. Because of another way that our brain works – the way we are more likely to share negative opinions. And because of the cottage industry built on farming outrage clicks, and because of constant performative activism.

It's not that I don't agree that being informed is important.

It's not that I don't agree that the causes people get riled up about are important.

They are. They absolutely are.

But we can't keep living like this. The constant, unending flood of tragedy, arguments, and hot takes. How much of the negativity we associate with online culture is the product of this feedback loop? What if the rise of doomer culture has been, if not entirely created by, has been nourished and exacerbated by our hostile attitudes toward each other? Incels and TERFs, white supremacists, radfems, tankies and Trumpers – it seems like on every side of every issue, there are people simultaneously getting it wrong in multiple directions at once and there are more being radicalized every day. They are the toxic waste left behind by the state of discourse. And any hill is a hill worth dying on.

So what am I actually advocating? I don't know. There are a lot of fights going on right now that are important and we can't just climb into bunkers and ignore our problems hoping that Norman Reedus and his fine ass are going to leave the shit we need on our doorsteps. We need to find the strength to carry those hypothetical packages for ourselves sometimes - and hopefully, for others as well. Humans are social creatures. We need interaction and enrichment.

We need love.

So just try to remember the connections between humanity. Try to put more good stuff into the world when you can. Share more shitposts and memes. Tell your friends and family that you love them. Share good news when you hear it. Go on a weird fucking tangent about Death Stranding. Find a way to "be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes."

youtube

#death stranding #hideo kojima #video games #cancel culture #essay #oc

54 notes · View notes

mcnuggyy · 4 years ago

Text

macho (2016) is a big cult classic for literally just me and my one friend who watched it w me one time, and every once in a while I’m like wow... they really did that.... and I know all the reviews say it’s a bad movie and it honestly is but fuck it I love it, I LOVE how bad and shitty and ridiculous it is

I’ve watched it like 5 times at this point and even did a storyboard project w it once because I’ve just grown very attached to it for some reason (as w all the very esoteric media I somehow find fjfjf )

Anyways here’s a quick summary if anyone is interested in knowing just in case I ever bring it up again (which I probably will fjfjf)

Okay so Evo is a fashion designer who has always loved designing and sterotypically feminine things and so people always just assumed he was a gay man. He isn’t. But he just went along with what society said and played the part, and is super famous because of it. He’s not a great person, he’s like shitty and mean and petty, which I kind of love LMAO, like he is clearly not meant to be a good person. Anyways he’s extra shitty because he basically sleeps with all the models he works with, but especially is super into this very famous model (Viví) he messes around with a lot, but she has a boyfriend. (Vivis boyfriend is also like a mafia member or something???) So basically they get away with their relationship because the public thinks he’s gay, but he’s like sleeping w girls in secret.

SO. Another gay fashion designer thinks Evo is very suspicious and basically calls him out and says “HET!!!!” So Evo is basically put in a position to prove he isn’t straight. (He isn’t.) So him and his assistant decide to have him date the new intern (Sandro) So fake dating 😤💕 and throughout this whole thing Evo is struggling because he KNOWS he is straight, right?? He’s always been straight?? and dating a man is NOT him. He is very uncomfortable and doesn’t know how to feel about the whole thing, meanwhile Sandro is a literal sweetheart and being super chill about the whole thing.

Anyways we really see how much of a shitty person Evo is from being an asshole to Sandro to not being honest w Vivi and there’s a whole plot point about Vivis boyfriend trying to kill Evo because he finds out they’re seeing each other behind his back DJDJJD. Anyways Evo is super shitty to Sandro and Sandro IS DONE w it by this point, and calls him out on his internalized biphobia and shit. And explains how sexuality is fluid and that he’s a huge asshole (he is). And at the same time Vivi is also sick and tired of Evo’s shit and breaks it off with him.

(Sandro and Vivi hook up at this point which was the first big shock to me like HELLO??) (This becomes important later) (they also decide to do the fashion show without Evo which is very epic and cool )

Anyways Evo’s shitty behavior catches up with him and everyone finds out he’s “straight” and has been lying to everyone for clout and so he goes into hiding w his mommy <3 he slowly starts realizing he may be bisexual because ofc he starts feeling things for Sandro... and decides he needs to apologize to both him and Vivi for what he did to them.

So on the big day of the fashion show (cause ofc) he decides to go to apologize and there Sandro does this crazy thing where he basically releases their sex tape??? Because they had sex at some point and Evo didn’t realize because they were both drunk??? And so Sandro and Viví were basically trying to help him clear his name despite how shitty he’s been and did this whole weird artsy film about bisexuality or something idk it’s so wild it’s like impossible to explain LMAO. (Sandro is such a dramatic graphic designer/film student I love him)

Anyways, they forgive him and then this is where I lost my goddam mind because the movie ends on a wedding??? And who do you think Evo marries??? Sandro?? Vivi??? WELL ITS BOTH. HE MARRIES BOTH OF THEM. The three of them get married and it’s fucking... the best ending to a movie I have ever seen. I’m still in shock years from now...

Anyways I love this wack movie about a man dealing w internalized biphobia who falls in love w his intern all while a gang member tries to kill him for sleeping with his model girlfriend AND he has to come up with a whole fashion line in time for the big fashion show smhhhh.... god 😔✌️

(from my project lmaooo (2018))

#I KNOW ITS BAD BUT I UNIRONICALLY LOVE IT OKAY #ITS SO BAD ITS GOOD #it’s funny and dumb and <3 yeah #callate guero #if you read this i'm sorry

23 notes · View notes

pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles · 4 years ago

Text

Wicked Game (Part 3)

Word Count: 25K total The first part is about 5K, part 2 is 7K

Rating: 18+ Slash fic Strong language, alcohol and drug use, and a misogynistic and racist comment. Sexual scenes including masturbation, toys, voyeurism, oral, and anal sex.

Summary: Ashton is ready to move on with his life after his painful divorce from Luke and the demise of the restaurant they’d built together. With the help of his protegee and sous chef Hima Singh, Ashton is ready to take on opening weekend of his new restaurant Anne-Marie’s. Calum is a reporter filling in on an assignment and is surprised when his past comes back to haunt him. Hima arranges an interview that takes an unexpected turn between the two men.

Part 1

Part 2

Ashton jumped at the sound of the buzzer. Calum sent him a text telling Ash he was on his way so he knew he was coming, but he was so jittery it startled him anyway. He checked the time, 5:15 pm. 35 minutes to get here? That's good he doesn't live too far. Ashton held a bottle of cologne up and away from him, released three quick spritz into the air before walking through the cloud of fragrance. He made his way out of the bedroom, pausing for one final glance in the mirror. He brushed the soft brown curls off his forehead, his eyes reflexively checking his hairline. He silently thanked Hima for convincing him to get treatment. You could barely see the previously thin spots. Don't keep him waiting. You're ready for this.

Ashton opened the door and barely caught himself from gasping out loud. Hot Damn. His chest fluttered in a rush as his throat constricted. He didn't know where to look. Calum was holding a gift basket with three flavors of Ashton's favorite hot sauce but that wasn't what had his mouth watering. His eyes landed on Calum's hands holding the gift before trailing up to where his bronzed biceps disappeared into a crisp, red short-sleeve button up with one of those black tank tops he favored. His gaze lingered on the small gold necklace nestled against Calum's throat before dragging his eyes up to find the other man watching him with a shy smile.

"Hima said this was your favorite," Calum blurted out, pushing the basket into Ashton's chest.

"It is, thank you so much. Please come in," Ashton blushed hot pink as he gestured for Calum to follow him into the apartment.

Calum got a whiff of Ashton's scent as he turned away from him, causing his spine to tingle at the memory of the missed opportunity that night in the club. His eyes followed Ashton's broad back, unable to resist a quick glance at his tight little butt. Hima mentioned her boss's daily yoga routine, and the black jeans he had on left very little to Cal's imagination. Pay attention Hood. You're here for an interview, not to get laid, he reminded himself. Por qué no los dos? a tiny voice asked that definitely wasn't from his brain.

Ashton was equally grasping to get his thoughts together, but having Calum in his house made everything much more real.

"Go ahead and have a seat," he motioned for Calum to sit down at the bar while he entered the kitchen. "Would you like something to drink? I have pink lemonade, mango infused sweet tea, and wine."

"Sweet tea sounds good. I'll have that if you don't mind," Calum sat on one of the tall stools facing Ashton in the kitchen.

Ashton garnished the drink with a slice of fresh lime, and Calum grinned as he handed it to him.

"Always the artist," Calum remarked. "Hima was going on about that. She's very observant, and you're lucky she loves her job because she'd make an excellent reporter. I might steal her away yet."

"Good luck getting past her mom," Ashton giggled. "All of them really, she's got a twin brother who's crazy overprotective and more cousins than I can count. My family was just me, mom, and the kids so it's a bit much."

"Where's your family from?" Calum asked.

Ashton leaned against the kitchen island, his eyes fixed just above Calum's head.

"I was born in Sydney, Australia. My dad fucked off when I was a baby, and my mom moved us around a lot. She got remarried when I was ten and had my brother and sister. We moved to the US soon after, and when they moved back I was a junior in high school, I decided to stay here. That's when I got a job in a kitchen doing dishes and grunt work."

"Did you know right away you wanted to be a chef?"

"Hell no," Ashton laughed. "I was miserable and living with three guys in a grimy apartment. I was trying to go to school and worked till close most nights. I got into a really bad fight with one of my roommates. He was a big, ugly bastard, ignorant homophobic piece of shit. He accused me of stealing his weed and attacked me. I was in the hospital getting stitches when my boss showed up and dragged me home with him. They put me up in the basement, bought me a bus pass, and he gave me a raise. Did you ever get to eat at Bordeaux?"

Calum shook his head. "Never had the money or the clout. Didn't they sell it?"

Ashton stepped up to the sink to wash his hands, setting his rings in a crystal tray on the edge of the windowsill. "Yeah, after his heart attack, his wife Brigitte made him give it up. She's a force of nature, that woman. She taught me everything I know about baking and pastries. Baking is when science meets art. Cooking leaves wiggle room; you can improvise. But baking doesn't allow for carelessness or impatience."

He dried his hands before he pulled an object out of the fridge and placed it on the counter, unwrapping the plastic wrap.

"I made mushroom Wellington for dinner, and getting the puff pastry dough right takes time. It's an all-day process because every couple of hours you have to roll it out and fold it so the butter gets folded layer over layer. That's what makes it rich, fluffy, and delicious. There's no way to shortcut that." He placed the pastry in a shallow baking pan and pulled a small bowl out of the fridge. "I'm brushing it with egg wash so it'll get nice and golden brown in the oven." He pulled out a small knife from the block and twirled it between his fingers. He narrowed his eyes, the tip of his tongue peeking out from between his lips as he concentrated, making several small quick shallow cuts. He grabbed a couple of bottles and carefully sprinkled seeds and spices on the surface before looking back up at Calum.

The intensity in the other man's eyes stopped him short. "Am I talking too much?" Ashton asked, feeling his face flush yet again.

"No, not at all. I uh, almost forgot I'm supposed to be interviewing you," Calum stammered a bit, embarrassed to be caught staring. "So tell me, where did you go after you left Bordeaux?"

As soon as the words left his mouth Calum wanted them back. That would be when he met Luke, you dumbass. Of course, his brain was a step behind his mouth. To his relief, Ashton shook his head with a sharp laugh.

"Yeah, that old story. Why don't you tell me a story I don't already know?"

Ashton pulled another pan from the fridge and set it next to the oven. "Both of these have to bake for about thirty minutes. You can tell me a little about yourself while I make the salad. I don't like to talk while I'm using a knife, but I'm a great listener."

"Are those figs? I'm starting to think you're trying to impress me," Calum's eyes crinkled in a smile and Ashton's chest fluttered once again.

"Maybe I am. Is it working?" Ashton spoke before he thought about it. Ooh, look at you flirting.

"Oh it's working alright," Cal's voice took on a husky edge that gave Ashton a victorious little thrill, knowing he wasn't imagining the heat between them. "Do you need me to help with anything?"

Ashton smirked, dirty thoughts racing through his brain. His dick twitched in his pants, eager for Calum's help, but then those dark eyes went wide as he realized what he said. The reporter nervously licked his lips and looked away while Ashton gripped the countertop to keep his knees from buckling.

"I'm good, thanks," Ashton replied, needing to keep Calum at a distance if he wanted to have any concentration to make it through dinner. "Are you trying to get out of talking about yourself?" He cut a thick slice off the largest fig, speared it, and offered it to Calum off the point of his knife.

Calum plucked it from the blade and popped it in his mouth, his eyes rolling back in pleasure as he chewed. Ashton had to cough to suppress a whimper at the sight, his jeans now uncomfortably tight.

"One of the best things about being a reporter is not having to talk about yourself. My mom taught me to choose my words and my friends carefully. However, to be a good journalist, I have to be able to completely open myself up to each experience while not making it about me. I want to be the reader's guide to the story, not the star of my own show. I leave the primadonna bullshit to my coworker Felipe, or someone like Kevin Mackie."

Ashton chuckled, "Did you see his review of Anne-Marie's? Ass-kissing prick, he's banned for life."

"Did you really throw him out of your restaurant? What did he say?,” Calum leaned forward, eager for details. “Hima wouldn't tell me. I wish I could've seen that."

"She doesn’t know it all. I didn’t want to tell her, but he insulted her personally. He even managed to be racist and condescending while doing it. He's a twat. I was willing to grit my teeth and endure it because it's Mackie, and we all have to deal with him, but you’re not going to insult my friends. I can't even think about it without getting angry again" Ashton spat out the words and Calum's eyebrows went up in surprise. Ashton continued, trying to steer the conversation away from having to repeat the vile things he'd said. "You already know he brought up all the past drama and even asked me if I'd gone to the Galway Grill."

"You're kidding," Calum couldn't help but laugh. "Seriously, though, that place looks awful."

"It really does. You can tell they rushed the opening. Those tacky plastic decorations, if you thought Lune Rouge was gaudy," Ashton had to stop working because he couldn't stop giggling, which only got Calum laughing harder.

"Did you see the fucking menu? The Irish puns, it's so bad. The best part is that it's not supposed to be awful," Calum said.

"No, yeah, exactly it's supposed to be clever and fun, but it just comes off like a pretentious dickhead."

A loud alarm caught them off guard, and Ashton quickly silenced his phone and grabbed an oven mitt. He checked the temperature of both dishes before turning them around and putting them back in the oven. Calum had the hiccups and asked for a glass of water between breaths.

Calum hiccuped while trying to take a drink and began to sputter and cough. Ashton grabbed a towel as he came out of the kitchen and around to the other side of the bar. Calum covered his face and tried to catch his breath, but as he did, he became aware of Ashton's hand rubbing his back. His eyes still watering, he glanced over to see nothing but concern in the other man's face. Calum saw up close that Ashton's eyes seemed to shift color depending on how the light hit his face. He noticed the dimple on Ashton's chin and the rough patches of skin bearing faint scars from his teenage acne, the little bit of stubble under his bottom lip he'd missed when he shaved that morning, lips that were almost irresistibly close. Calum remembered he probably looked a hot mess and needed a minute to himself.

"Can I use your bathroom?" He asked from behind the towel.

"Sure, it's the first door down that hall," Ashton stepped back and let him pass.

Calum closed the door behind him and took a quick look in the mirror. His face was still red but it was slowly fading. He took a piss and blew his nose before washing his hands and splashing some water on his face. The towel hanging on the rack was super soft and Calum could tell it was expensive even if he didn't recognize the brand. He took a second to look around, and while the rug looked as soft as the towels, everything else seemed to be made of bamboo. In fact, the only plastic Calum saw was a bottle of mouthwash on the sink. It was rude to look in the medicine cabinet, but he peeked in the shower. He smelled sandalwood and citrus, noticing they not only used the same brand of shampoo bar, but the shower enema attachment was identical to the one in Calum’s shower. He began to worry he was taking too long, so he took another look in the mirror before opening the door.

Ashton was setting Calum's salad up on the bar next to a fresh glass of tea when he sat back down.

"Ooh thank you so much. This looks fantastic, is that feta?" Calum asked, suddenly realizing he was hungry.

"It's actually honey-basted goat cheese. The dressing is a turmeric and honey vinaigrette. I like the extra touch of sweetness. I grew the lettuce in my little balcony garden out back, along with most of my fresh herbs." He stopped talking and watched Calum eat. He'd never seen anyone go through such a range of expressions while eating. He was clearly enjoying himself. Ashton felt like he was being intrusive for staring, nevermind the thrill he got watching the other man's bliss. If he makes these faces while eating, I'm dying to see what he looks like when he's cumming, he thought.

Calum opened his eyes and caught Ashton blatantly staring. He met his gaze as Calum ran his finger along the underside of his bottom lip to catch a tiny drop off dressing from spilling down his chin and slowly licked it clean. He smirked when he saw Ashton blush and look away. Aren't you supposed to be working? A little voice reminded him, but he ignored it. "That was delicious, I can't wait to taste what's next."

Ashton smirked and started to reply when his phone rang. He started to hit ignore until he saw it was his mother.

"Sorry, it's my mom. I have to answer this," Ashton swiped up to answer. "Hey Mom, hold on one second. I'm sorry about this," he said, covering the mouthpiece.

"Thanks, and don't apologize. It's your mom, I get it," Calum told him.

"Yeah Mom, I've got company. Yes the interview, mmm-hmm, yeah. No, I'm home, but he's here. Yes, right now. No Mom it's not like that. I'll call you later. Love you too, bye." Ashton hung up and turned back to Calum. "Sorry about that."

"Please, it's no big deal. I talk to my mom every day, too, and it's not like I didn't know you were a Mama's boy," Calum grinned. "Hima told me, and you did name your restaurant after her."

"Hima talks too much," Ashton rolled his eyes with a laugh. "Yeah, my mom is my lucky star. We've been through a lot together, and she's the only one who's always had my back. I rely quite a bit on the women in my life, honestly. Lauren, my sister, is one of my best friends, along with my cousin Sophie. You've met Hima; Mom calls her my work wife."

"I could see that," Calum teased, "until she opens her own place."

"That's why I gave them a stake in the business. My mom suggested it. Hopefully, they'll want to stick around, maybe take over someday, who knows?" Ashton shrugged.

"Mom knows best right?" Calum smiled, pulling out his wallet. He pulled out an old picture of a woman who could be his twin with a chubby-cheeked toddler on her lap. "This is my mom, Joy. She lives on the east coast now, and every morning my alarm goes off at 5 AM so I can text her good morning as she's having her morning coffee."

"That's so sweet. You must be her favorite child," Ashton had the warm fuzzies watching Calum talk about his mom. The way his entire face lit up when he smiled melted him into a puddle.

"My sister would agree with you, except she has Vanessa now, so she cares fuck all what I do," Calum said unlocking his phone. As soon as he did multiple messages popped up from his editor/best friend/total pain in his ass asking how his date was going.

"Go away Sham," he mumbled, and Ashton looked at him and then his phone

Calum quickly hid the messages. "My editor, Sham. She's my work wife and constantly in my business."

"Didn't Hima tell me she sets you up on dates? Like the pocket-sized lawyer from the club?" Ashton asked, suddenly jealous.

"Hima talks too much," Calum grumbled, and Ashton lost it which set Calum off again.

It took several minutes to regain control until Calum had tears on his face, and Ashton was about to piss himself. He excused himself, and when he returned, Cal showed him a picture of the same woman from the first photo only older in this photo, her dark hair streaked through with silver. Standing next to her was a young girl who was obviously Calum's daughter. They were both dressed in Polynesian-style floral dresses. She had the same dark flashing eyes, broad nose, and strong jawline as her father, but her face had a more heart-shaped appearance.

Calum swiped to the next picture. "My sister, Mali, she's older and my best friend in the world." He pointed to the woman standing next to Vanessa, wearing a similar dress and tying a scarf around the little girl’s cloud of curly hair., The scarf was open a bit at the top, allowing her hair to work free of the silk forming a halo of curls for added effect. Whereas Mali had a bit of a sunburn causing her shoulders and cheeks to look pink against her warm golden tan, the sun had only added an extra glow to Vanessa's deep copper skin tone which was only highlighted by the vibrant blue and yellow pattern of her dress.

"Your family is gorgeous. You definitely take after your mother. Your daughter is a real cutie, were you guys in Hawaii?" Ashton asked, curious about the outfits.

Calum shook his head. "New Zealand, actually. Mom's whole family is from there. We went for a family reunion of sorts and so Vanessa could get to know her Maori heritage. She had a blast. We all did. Nicole came with us, and so did her husband. Well, he was her boyfriend then."

"Sounds like y'all have a good relationship," Ashton could tell Calum put his family above everything just as much as he did.

He swiped to the next picture and Ashton's jaw dropped.

"Wow, that's your daughter's mother?" He looked up at Calum and he nodded. "She's beautiful and that bone structure, my God. The camera loves her, and you can tell she knows her angles too. Damn, you're gorgeous, but you leveled up there," Ashton didn't realize what he'd said until it was too late. He looked back at the picture to avoid looking at Calum. When you put Vanessa next to her mom you could see a strong resemblance there as well.

Calum's ears burned with the compliment, and he was at a complete loss for words when the timer went off again, saving them both from the awkward silence. Ashton pulled the pastry out of the oven, flooding the room with a heavenly aroma that had Calum practically drooling. He grinned when he caught sight of the mushroom design Ashton had crafted out of paprika, coriander and sea salt. The mac and cheese was next, producing an insane cheese stretch from the pan to the plate as Ashton served it up. He finished the plate with a pile of oven-roasted celery and leeks topped with a squeeze of fresh lemon juice and cracked black pepper.

Ashton sat at the edge of the bar, at an angle from Calum so they could easily converse while keeping him steps away from the kitchen. At first, they were quiet, the food demanding their full attention, although Ashton had already decided watching Calum's expressions was his new favorite thing. The obscene amount of pleasure he took from his food had Ashton so distracted that he poked himself in the face with his fork.

Calum was in heaven. He didn't know what cheese blend Ashton concocted, but he'd never had anything like this pasta dish in his life. The vegetables were still firm to the bite, and the fresh citrus was a nice contrast to the creamy, heavy cheese sauce. However, the mushroom Wellington was the real stand out, and Calum had never had anything like it. He opened his eyes and caught Ashton staring again. When he looked away quickly and his ears turned red, Calum was hopelessly smitten. He couldn't remember the last time anyone had cooked for him, and never, ever anything like this. He can cook, and he's handsome as hell, with a big dick and his own money?? He's definitely getting his dick sucked tonight. Calum almost burst out laughing hearing Sham's voice in his head. This time it was Ashton's turn to catch Calum staring, but Cal didn't look away. Instead, he gave the chef a wink and a smile before taking another bite.

When dinner was finished, Ashton shooed Calum out onto the balcony so he could pick up a bit. He offered Calum an after-dinner smoke from his case of pre-rolled Raw cones. Ashton used to smoke weed all day long when he was a teenager before quitting cold turkey. The past couple of months, Rafi got him into a couple of decent blends to help him relax in the evening that didn't get him too wasted.

He made sure Calum was out of sight before quickly brushing his teeth in the kitchen sink. Ashton wanted to be prepared in case he got the chance to make a move. He'd even made a peppermint sorbet for dessert to cleanse the palate. He scooped out two small cups and topped them with freshly grated dark chocolate before heading out onto the balcony.

Calum was sitting with his back towards the door, a small cloud of smoke wafting above his head. Ashton opened the door, and the cloud dissipated in the rush of cold air that followed him outside. Calum glanced back over his shoulder and offered the joint to Ashton as he took the icy treat from him. Ashton inhaled deeply one time before gently stubbing it out in the ashtray as he sat across from Calum. Overcome by nerves Ashton began to point out the various herbs and flowers in his little balcony garden. He could tell he was talking too fast, and his palms were sweaty but watching Calum eat ice cream might was obscene,

The peppermint was stronger than Calum expected but left a lingering cool sweetness accentuated by the bittersweet chocolate. He scraped the cup, and ran his finger along the edge before licking it clean. He shivered, and he wasn't sure if it was the chill from the sorbet or nerves as he tried to plan how to ask Ashton out on a date, a real one.

Ashton abruptly stood up and walked to the far end of the balcony looking out at the city. Calum, sensing something was off, hesitated until he saw Ashton kept glancing at him and then looking away. He pushed himself up out of the chair and made his way over to Ashton and stood next to him looking out into the distance.

"You ok? I can go if you want me to. I don't want you to be uncomfortable," Calum didn't know why he said it, but he suddenly panicked.

Ashton looked up, stunned. "No, no, I'm fine. I'm just," he rubbed the back of his neck and looked up at the sky. "I-uh I got nervous."

"Oh?" Calum asked, his pulse picking up.

"Yeah, I don't know how to do this anymore," Ashton mumbled looking at his shoes. "Kissing you is all I've thought about since the moment we met. And wow I said that out loud. Ok so maybe.." Ashton's sentence ended in a squeak as Calum's fingers brushed along his jaw and tipped his chin upwards to find Calum's face inches from his. He leaned forward as Calum's lips found his. The kiss was soft and slow, Calum's hands cupping his face as they melted into each other. Ashton's hands slid up Calum's chest before snaking around his neck and pulling him closer.

Ashton felt as if he were suspended in mid-air, floating and flying as the heat grew in his chest. He had butterflies in his stomach as he pressed himself closer. He felt Calum's strong arms wrap around him, giving him a cheeky squeeze on his ass. They both giggled and pulled away for a moment to breathe. This time Ashton went in first, he'd been dreaming about this moment, and it was better than he'd imagined. He was relieved Calum wasn't trying to rush. Still, he couldn't resist pulling back to nibble on Calum's jaw before scraping his teeth along the hollow of his throat. The whine that escaped Calum's lips, as a result, was almost enough to make him cum in his pants.

"Let's go inside," Ashton took his hand, and Calum followed him into the living room. Calum sat on the couch and tugged Ashton's belt loop to get him to sit down. Ash started to sit next to him, but Calum shook his head and grabbed his thigh, guiding him down so Ashton was straddling him.

Ashton's head was swimming as Calum's gently bit his earlobe and ran his tongue along the curve of his jaw. He moaned and Calum growled in response, grinding his hips into Ashton's where his bulge strained against the fabric of his tight trousers. He reached up and began to unbutton Ashton's shirt, his fingers brushing against the cool steel of the chain he wore around his neck then dropped down, leaving a trail of fire in the wake of each touch. Ashton's breath caught in his throat as Calum began to ease his shirt off of his shoulders while peppering his skin with kisses.

"I should've shaved," he mumbled.

"No," Calum assured him. "I like the chest hair," he whispered before scraping his teeth across his skin.

Ashton moaned, his head rolling back as he concentrated on Calum's mouth and hands, his own fingers grasping the other man's messy black curls. He pushed Calum back against the couch, finding his mouth again and sucking on his bottom lip, electricity coursing between them. Music started playing out of nowhere and he was puzzled when Calum stopped kissing him and wrapped one arm around his waist to hold him in place while he fished his phone out of his pocket.

Ashton frowned at the interruption and shifted his weight, sliding off his lap as Calum looked at him apologetically. "I'm really sorry, but it's Nicole. I think something's wrong."

Ashton's annoyance was immediately replaced by concern. Calum reached over and squeezed his hand, giving him a smile as he answered the call. It was brief, and Ashton heard every word. Nicole wouldn't give details over the phone but Vanessa's school had called and there was to be a teacher-parent meeting the very next day.

"I need you here. You need to be a part of this," she told him.

"I'm on my way," Calum replied without hesitation. He hung up, and Ashton could tell he was pissed and very worried.

"I hope everything is ok," he stood up and headed for the kitchen.

"She's been having a problem with a girl at school. We thought putting her in private school would make her life easier, but these rich kids are nasty little shits. Where did you go?" Calum stood up and straightened his clothes. When he looked up, he was confused by Ashton's sudden disappearance.

"I wanted to send you home with a doggy bag," Ashton replied, coming out of the kitchen with a paper bag in his hand.

"I thought we ate most of it." Now Calum was really perplexed.

He walked Calum to the door. "We did, but these are smaller versions I made for you to take home and cook yourself. I wrote instructions on a card that's in the bag, and there's a piece of flourless chocolate cake I made for dessert." He had to stop for a second and look away, suddenly shy at the way Calum was smiling at him. He took a breath and kept going. "I hate that you have to go, but it's sweet how much you care about your family. I had a really good time tonight, not just because of," he waved towards the couch, "you know, that. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard. So maybe, I mean if you want to hang out sometime..."

Calum reached out and brushed his thumb across Ashton's bottom lip. "You're so damn cute when you're nervous." Calum leaned down and gave him a soft kiss goodbye. "I want to take you on a date, a real one. I have to go, but I'll text you. Goodnight." Another kiss and he was gone.

********

They were slow for lunch inside the restaurant. Daniel and Gloria were handling takeout, so Rafi and Hima were doing some extra prep for the weekend. She was helping make challah bread for brunch on Sunday when she spotted her boss gliding into work. She burst into laughter at Ashton's goofy grin despite the dark circles and bags under his eyes. Rafi saw him too and whistled and hooted until Ash flipped them both off and disappeared into his office.

Twenty minutes later, Hima set a plate of cookies down on his desk.

"We want you to try these. We're working on expanding catering to boxed lunches," she told him, sitting across from him.

"We've been open less than a month," he told her, trying not to spit cookie crumbs everywhere.

"We're already doing decent business on takeout, so we're just floating ideas for new revenue streams as word of mouth gets going. The reviews have been glowing, and I've been monitoring social media. We've been getting good exposure so far. I've had some offers to trade a free meal for exposure, but nobody has been worth our time."

Ashton nodded, as he'd learned long ago to trust her instincts. The cookies were perfect, absolutely delicious, but he knew that's not why she was in his office.

"How's my new stepfather? I've never seen you look so joyful, it's almost disturbing." Hima teased, but she was thrilled for him. Ashton deserved to be happy, and if she couldn't snuggle up to Calum “tall, dark, and handsome” Hood, having him as an in-law would work. Ashton took another big bite, chewing intently as if deep in thought. However, the blush creeping up his neck, not to mention the little hickey she spotted under his ear.

“So I take it the dinner went well. How was breakfast?" She asked, batting her eyes innocently.

"You're incorrigible, I swear," he laughed and leaned back in his chair. "He didn't stay the night. We kissed, but he got a phone call and had to leave."

"That fucking sucks," Hima pouted.

"Tell me about it. It was just getting good when the phone rang," Ashton felt himself getting hard thinking about it.

"Oh God, your face right now. You're so lost. Were you in the kitchen? All Hallmark-movies-of-the-week style?"

"No, I was straddling him on my couch if you may know," he told her just as she took a drink of water.

She tried not to choke and succeeded in dribbling water down her chin as she sputtered. "The mental image I just got. I hate you, you know that right?" She wiped her face with a towel she pulled from her apron and then threw it at Ashton.

"He's really a great guy," Ashton giggled. "Have you watched him eat though?"

"I know right, the faces," Hima almost yelled, catching herself and taking it down a notch. "I've never seen anything like it. Makes you wonder eh?" She wiggled her eyebrows at him. "Seriously though, I'm really happy it worked out. You guys are gonna make such a cute couple. Now we have to find someone for me."

"Why? Is Dakota not working out?" It was Ashton's turn to look innocent as he watched the comment land.

Hima blinked rapidly before looking him straight in the eye. "I was not expecting that. How did you know?" She asked, but the answer came to her at the same time. "The cameras are on your phone. Am I fired?"

"Are you kidding? No, I'm just teasing, but yeah that caught me by surprise the other night," Ashton felt awful when she burst into tears. "You're not in trouble. Hima, look at me, we're friends. I'm not mad. I'm not going to tell your family." He came around the desk and pulled her out of her chair and into a hug.

Hima started to laugh, and he could feel her shaking in his arms. "Oh shit, sorry," she wiped away tears, as she eased away from him.. "I don't know why I reacted like that. I felt like my dad caught me lying and there was this rush of blind panic."

"I'm sorry, I was just fucking with you," Ashton didn't know what to say.

"I shouldn’t have done it, but I’m wanting to try things. But if I’m feeling guilty I can’t enjoy it. Can I tell you?" Ashton nodded and she continued. "I met him on FetLife, more on that in a second. He's got a girlfriend, but he wanted to try something new. Maisie won't let me use her place to meet up when her roommate is there. I had fun, but I didn't feel good about it after so it's a one and done. Anyway, I'm pretty sure Calum is on FetLife. He has a pain kink, nipple clamps, and light bondage from what I saw on his profile. I checked this morning and his profile was deleted. I'll send you the screenshot I took the first time. I don't know his tattoos, but you might."

There was a loud knock at the door, and they both jumped. Rafi opened the door before Ashton could answer, and Hima was taken aback by how angry he looked.

"You're not gonna believe this boss," Rafi said, a flush creeping up his neck. "Luke's here, he wants to see you."

Ashton jumped up followed by Hima hot on his heels. Gloria stopped them in the kitchen, blocking Ashton's path as they began to go back and forth arguing in Spanish with Rafi and Daniel cutting into the conversation.

Hima was the only person in the room who hadn't come over from Lune Rouge and wasn't included in the conversation. She took advantage of the distraction to slip past them and out through the prep area to the bar. She was looking towards the hostess podium, not expecting him to be sitting two feet from her looking straight at her as she came through the swinging doors. She'd seen enough pictures to recognize him right away, but he was even better looking in person. His blue eyes were sad, and for a second she thought he’d been crying. He turned on the charm instantly, giving her his best smile and extending his hand.

"I recognize you," he told her. "You're Hima, Ash's girl wonder. I've heard so many good things about you. I went to Johnson and Wales for a bit myself. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Hima instantly saw how Ashton had been so thoroughly bewitched by this man, and it amazed her that Luke had the balls to walk into their restaurant. She opened her mouth to tell him so when Ashton came out of the kitchen on the other side of the bar. Rafi came out and stood next to her behind the bar until Ashton glared at them and they ducked back inside.

"What do you want?" Ashton asked, folding his arms across his chest.

"Listen, I didn't know how else to reach you," Like started.

"There's a reason for that. What do you want?" Ashton repeated the question.

"Can we sit down and talk, somewhere private? It's been so long" Luke whined, the sound grating on Ashton's nerves.

"Nope, I'm busy and I don't want you here. Please leave, don't contact me again," Ashton turned to go.

"Wait its Mom," Luke played his ace card. "She had surgery. I'm worried about her."

Ashton turned back around slowly, looking at Luke, who couldn't quite hide the triumphant smirk knowing he still had leverage over his ex. Ashton’s anger felt hollow now, not the gut-wrenching agonizing pain that once was there every day since he caught Luke cheating. It was gone, all of it. The realization was liberating. Knowing the seething hatred didn't follow him like a storm cloud, and the spell of attraction was irrefutably broken. Ashton knew right then that he didn't love Luke anymore, and he couldn't ever get it back even if he wanted to.

"Luke, your mom had her thyroid removed last Thursday. She's fine, we're having lunch next week. Get the fuck out of my restaurant," Ashton hissed.

Luke looked like he was going to start something, but Ashton stared him down, watching as he left the restaurant, got in his car, and drove away. He then pushed back through the kitchen doors, past everyone without a word, locked himself in his office, sat in his chair, and wept for almost an hour. The adrenaline rush of seeing Luke, the relief of knowing it was done, needed a release. When he was finished, he cleaned up a bit and finished the cookies Hima had left on his desk. There were a couple of text messages on his phone. The first was from Hima

You ok boss?

Never been better, I'll be out in a bit

Under that was Calum

Can't wait to see you again but I have to go out of town tomorrow. There's an event at the observatory for the meteor shower so I'll be up in the mountains. Let me pick you up Monday afternoon if you don't have to work

He did have to work, but Hima was off and she'd switch with him for this.

Sounds good, let me know what time

I can't wait 😉 I wanna pick up where we left off before we were interrupted. I'm almost at school. I have to go to the principal's office, some things never change. Looking forward to Monday

Ashton read the message, not knowing how he was going to stand the anticipation. He got up to find Hima. e could not work Monday. This was too important.

*********

Calum pulled into the parking spot, looking up at Ashton's building. He sent a text letting him know he was outside. As he waited, Calum glanced into the backseat at the picnic basket full of goodies Hima had helped him select. He'd sent her an email on his way out of town headed to where he would have little to no cell service. There was a little park that, if you knew how to wind through a subdivision full of dead-end and one-way streets, was about twenty minutes away from Calum's house. There was a duck pond next to a jacaranda tree that he'd always thought would be perfect for a date. He glanced up at the cloudy sky praying the weather held throughout the day.

Calum wiped his palms on his jeans and took a deep breath. He'd been looking forward to this all weekend, even sitting in the observatory atop Mt Hamilton watching shooting stars streak across the sky. He'd been impatient to get back to Ashton. Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered. The lyrics to a song he hadn't heard in over a decade bubbled up into his brain, taking him back to his grandmother in Scotland cleaning her kitchen and singing along to the FM radio above her sink.

I'm wild again, beguiled again. Gran always told his sister to "find a brawny lad who can make you laugh and works hard." Calum grinned, watching Ashton emerge from his building wearing a green, long-sleeved Henley shirt and black skinny jeans that clung to his physique. Brawny lad indeed.

Calum turned the music down when Ashton opened the car door and climbed in. He was completely caught off guard when the other man handed him a small bundle from behind his back. Calum looked at the small bunch of plants tied together with kitchen twine and a small ribbon.

"You brought me flowers?" He asked, feeling his face get warm. "That's so thoughtful." Calum's throat was tight, and he knew he was blushing crimson. He smiled at Ashton, trying not to get too emotional. He focused on the bouquet which allowed him to take a second to regain his composure. As he did, he realized this was unlike any bouquet he'd seen before. "Are these from your garden?"

"Yeah," Ashton giggled, giddy and nervous. He shifted in his seat. He pointed to the small purple flowers on one. "These are chive blossoms, sage, and thyme." His fingers brushed the delicate white bell shaped blossoms. "Sweet marjoram, and this is borage, both great additions to a salad or stew. I added some daisies and rosemary for color and fragrance. I'm glad you like them." Calum looked up and Ashton looked away, shy again.

"If you're trying to impress me, it's working. I love them, thank you," he said brushing his fingers along the back of Ashton's hand. He reached behind his seat and grabbed a handful of napkins and a cup out of the picnic supplies. He carefully wrapped up the little bundle and placed it in the cup. "We should get going before the weather turns on us."

"Where are we going?" Ashton asked, buckling his seatbelt.

"It's a surprise," Calum winked at him.

"How was the meteor shower?" Ashton asked.

"Out of this world," Calum shot back and they both erupted into laughter.

Ashton leaned back in his seat, watching Calum's face as he concentrated on getting through a construction zone. His eyes landed on a small faint bruise on Calum's neck. He felt his cock twitch in his pants at the memory of leaving the mark, knowing he had every intention of leaving more later tonight.

Calum glanced over, and this time Ashton didn't look away, instead giving him a wink and a sly smile before Calum had to tear his eyes away to focus on the road. He gasped when Ashton reached over and put a hand on his knee. Ashton jerked his hand back at the sound, but Calum caught it. He gave him a squeeze then placed Ashton's hand on his leg again, slightly higher than before.

"Almost there, this place is a maze, but it's a nice quiet park," Calum made a series of turns and Ashton spotted the park up ahead. They passed the first parking lot near a playground where several kids were running around before making another turn and parking in a smaller lot.

Calum got out and walked to the back of the Rover. Ashton came around right as he was opening the hatch.

"What can I carry?" Ashton asked.

Calum frowned and pulled his phone out of his pocket. He had his phone set to only allow for two numbers to ring through.

Ashton's heart sank watching Calum's expression. Please not another family emergency. He felt guilty, but he wanted Calum all to himself today.

"It's my mom, she's probably calling to chat but I have to answer. Give me just a second, I'm so sorry," Calum apologized.

Ashton nodded and smiled, hoping it was nothing serious. "I'm a Mama's boy too," he reminded him. "I'll look around a bit."

Ashton wandered off towards a lovely pond where he spotted a family of ducks swimming together. There was a tree overlooking the pond giving off shade and a little privacy. He heard Calum laugh and say his goodbyes to his mom, and he was relieved to see everything was fine. The ducks quacked out a warning before turning and swimming in the other direction. He started to turn back to go help Calum unload the car when the first raindrop hit his nose. Ashton looked up as it started to sprinkle. As he headed back towards the parking lot the drizzle increased to a soft steady rain. Then a streak of lightning split the sky with a deafening crack causing Ashton to almost jump out of his skin at the incredible noise. Unfortunately, this caused him to lose his footing and slip on the wet grass. He crashed hard into the ground and fell again when he tried to get up. Calum hurried over and reached Ashton just as he struggled to his feet, his left side streaked with mud and grass clippings sticking to his skin and hair.

"Are you ok?" Calum reached out to steady him.

"Yeah let's get out of here," Ashton snapped. "Sorry, I'm not mad at you."

"It's fine, really," Calum opened his door for him before going to his side and getting in. "We'll go to my house, I live ten minutes from here."

Ashton hesitated, not wanting to dirty up Calum's car, getting soaked standing there.

"It's fine," Calum reassured him.

Ashton thought for a second and then pulled his shirt, which got the worst of the mud, off over his head, wrung it out as best he could, tossed it on the rubber floor mat, and got in.

Calum turned the car on and flipped the heat on low so Ashton wouldn't get chilled. He wanted to say something, make small talk, anything as they drove in silence.

"I'm sorry about that," he began.

"Why? Rain is rain, it's not your fault. I might need to borrow your shower though. The grass is starting to itch," Ashton reached over and put his hand on Calum's knee again. Calum pulled it a little higher, and Ashton responded by sliding his hand all the way up Calum's thigh as far as he could go without actually touching his dick. Calum didn't say a word but Ashton smiled as he heard the sharp intake of breath and felt the car accelerate in response.

They pulled up to a small bungalow at the end of a winding road as the rain started to pick up. Calum grabbed the basket and handed Ashton a bag and they both made a dash for the front door. They were greeted by Brutus barking and bouncing on his back legs at the sight of Ashton. Calum was stunned when the little dog launched himself at the newcomer’s ankles, immediately flipping over for a belly rub.

"Somebody's friendly," Ashton cooed, leaning down to pet him.

"Not usually," Calum told him. "I'll get set up in here. Follow me, I'll show you where the shower is." He walked down the hall, Ashton and Brutus trailing behind him. He stopped at a closet and grabbed a couple of towels before opening another door. "This is the bathroom. I've got a couple different kinds of body wash, use whatever you need and I'll find you something dry to change into. You want a t-shirt or button up? Pants or shorts?" Calum asked trying not to gawk at Ashton's bare chest.

Ashton shrugged. "Something that's comfortable and easy to take off sounds good. It won't take long. It's not safe but I've gotta rinse off." The lights flickered and they both looked up.

"You'd better hurry. I'll leave the clothes outside the door," Calum told him before leaning in for a quick kiss.

Ashton frowned when he pulled back but Calum winked and disappeared into his bedroom across the hall. Ashton was tempted to follow but he needed to stop itching first.

*******

Ashton was halfway down the hall when the lights went out. He'd changed into the pajama pants and t-shirt Calum left hanging on the doorknob. He followed a soft glow until he found himself in the living room. Calum had set up some food in a spread on the coffee table, but he was nowhere to be seen. Ashton sat down on the couch and began to nibble on some strawberries when he heard a door slam and Calum came out wearing similar drawstring pants and a black shirt fully unbuttoned so the candlelight reflected off his bare chest making him look like a golden god.

"Oh hey, that was quick. I didn't know how hungry you were so I put the cold stuff in the fridge. I thought you might want to have a drink first. I have wine."

"Sounds good, we can eat later. I'm not really thinking about food right now," Ashton replied, food the furthest thing from his mind.

Calum sat down next to him, handing him a glass of red wine. Ashton took a sip and recognized it as a German ice wine he loved that was not easy to come by.

"How did you know? How did you find it so quickly?" Ashton looked up in disbelief.

"My wife called your wife about the feature and next thing I know I've got a box on my doorstep with this wine and some salami I've never heard of. There was also a caramel brownie cake that looks like it's gonna go straight to my hips. I did my own research for the rest of it. I know this date isn't going exactly how I wanted it to, but I wanted to make things special. At least the food will be good," Calum sighed.

"You didn't have to do all that," Ashton told him.

"Yeah I did," Calum responded. "You really went all out the other day. Everyone I’ve talked to while writing this feature has gone on and on about how kind and generous you are. You’re always put so much effort into other people and you deserve to have someone make that kind of effort for you. You're so warm and caring, and funny too. Anyone who doesn't see how special you are is an idiot," Calum stopped talking, afraid he'd said too much. He took a big gulp of wine only looking up when Ashton reached over to take the glass from his hand. He set both their glasses on the table and turned back to Calum.

Without a word, Calum reached for him pulling him onto his lap, Ashton's knees on either side of his hips. Ashton slid Calum's shirt off his shoulders as their lips met with a heated urgency. Calum nipped Ashton's bottom lip before their tongues tangled. Ashton pulled back and grazed his teeth and tongue down Calum's throat. His long fingers traced around Cal's dark nipples before giving them a sharp tug. Calum grunted and bucked underneath him in response making Ashton try it again. Leaving slow sucking kisses down his neck pinching the stiff rosy buds after each one as Calum began to grind his erection up against Ashton. Breathy cries escaped his lips as he got more aroused, more desperate.

Calum was tugging at the drawstring on Ashton's pants and slipping past the waistband. His hand closed around Ashton's length and he moaned in anticipation. It was bigger than he expected and thicker than anything Calum had imagined outside of porn and his wildest dreams.

"Let me suck you off," Calum begged as Ashton continued to mark up his neck.

Ashton shook his head, his soft curls brushing against Calum's jaw.

"Can't let that happen, sweetheart," Ashton answered, barely lifting his lips from the patchwork of red welts and slight purple bruises. "I'll cum too fast if I let you put those pretty lips around my cock. I've thought about it so many times."

Calum shivered as much from the heat of the other man's breath on his skin as the words he'd said.

"Mmmm I like that," Calum hissed. He arched his back as Ashton's head dipped lower, sucking a trail down his chest and latching onto his nipple. "I've wanted this, need you, Ash."

Ashton pushed hard against Calum's chest and stood up. Calum whined at the sudden lack of contact, his kiss swollen lips pursing into a pout.

"What's wrong?" He asked, looking up at Ashton who was peeling off his shirt revealing his lean physique, chest heaving with a sheen of sweat, tattooed flames peeking out underneath his ribs. Calum started to get up but Ashton stopped him.

"Nothing's wrong, everything is perfect," Ashton told him, bending down for a quick kiss. "I wanted to take my time but hearing you moan my name like that is too much. Slide your pants down, let me taste you." Ashton carefully moved the table back far enough they wouldn't bump anything as things got crazy.

"Oh God," Calum gasped as Ashton kneeled between his thighs, tugging impatiently as he raised his hips and kicked his shorts off.

Ashton licked around the tip of Calum's cock feeling it twitch seeking his mouth. Calum reached for him but Ashton pinned his hands beside him on the couch. "Not yet," Ashton teased, fluttering the tip of his tongue along the ridge.

"Oh fuck Ashton, please," Calum's eyes rolled back and his jaw dropped open as Ashton took him all the way down his throat. He had to concentrate to keep himself from exploding right then. Calum tried to squirm away but there was nowhere to go. Ashton let up instantly.

"Are you ok? Do you want me to stop?" Ashton's hazel eyes were searching Calum's face.

Calum grabbed Ashton's hand and placed it in his inner thigh. "I don't want you to ever stop. I'm just trying not to bust too soon."

Ashton grinned and leaned forward. His mouth hovered just above Calum's shaft, close enough he could reach out with the tip of his tongue, if he wanted to.

"Don't want that to happen do we?" Ashton smirked, grasping the base of Calum's shaft applying pressure just above the balls and pulling it back away from Calum's stomach.

"Keep doing that," Calum moaned, waiting until the pressure turned to slight pain. "Let go, let go," he cried and Ashton released his grip letting his dick spring back, slapping against his stomach. "Fuck babe, do that again," Calum whined, pulling his nipples his dark eyes intensely focused on Ashton.

Ashton flushed under Calum's stare feeling the knot in his stomach twist with desire as Calum moaned with each stroke, each release. They were both sweating now, the dim light giving Calum's broad chest as Ashton pushed up and met Calum's lips for a kiss.

Ashton stood up looking down at Calum seated on the couch. Reaching down he cupped his hand around the massive bulge straining against his pants before pushing his hips towards Calum's face. His dark bushy eyebrows raised in a smirk Calum began to tease Ashton with nips and sucking kisses. Ashton hissed at the feeling of teeth grazing his shaft through the flannel. Calum groaned against him as Ashton impatiently slithered the waistband down past his hips. Calum's mouth was on him in a flash, lips parted and taking him down past the back of his throat resisting the urge to gag around his length. Ashton cried out as his hands tangled in Calum's soft curls leaning his weight against Calum to keep his knees from shaking.

Calum looked up at the man hovering over him, their eyes met and the need intensified. Ashton bent down for a kiss as Calum's hands reached up pulling his hips down once more. In between the flurry of passionate kisses and hands roaming and grasping desperately to feel as much of the other’s skin against their own Calum could barely gasp out the words.

"How do you want me?"

Ashton's head spun at the sound of the words. He'd imagined this so many times, gotten himself off so many times thinking about this moment. Now that it was here he didn't hesitate to answer.

"I wanna ride you until you cum for me," Ashton told him.

Calum looked shocked and Ashton started to explain, "normally I'm a top but with you I thought-"

He couldn't finish the sentence before Calum stopped him with a kiss. "Don't have to explain. I wanna try everything you wanna try. Let me grab something really quickly," Calum helped Ashton shift so he could get up. He grabbed a towel and pulled open the drawer on the coffee table where he'd stashed lube and condoms just in case. Ashton chuckled but his breath caught in his throat as Calum turned back towards him. Fully nude, the candlelight cast a golden glow across Calum's chest and thighs as he walked back towards the couch, sliding the condom on with a stroke and Ashton couldn't remember anything sexier. They settled back on the couch with Ashton straddling Calum his knees on either side of his hips. Calum moved his hand down as Ashton raised his hips as Cal's fingers moved past Ashton's balls to tease his tight hole.

Ashton sighed and relaxed back against Calum feeling himself being spread open as he worked another couple of fingers in. When Ashton had gotten used to the stretch he began to rock his hips impatiently and wanting more. Calum chuckled against Ashton's chest as Ashton took the lube from him and made sure Calum's cock was nice and slick before easing the head of it into his eager entrance. Calum held his breath, clenching his stomach and thighs to hold still while Ashton carefully worked Calum's length inside him. The pain gave way to a throbbing ache as Ashton began to rock his hips. Calum was thick, so he felt the most delicious stretch. Calum's hands roamed everywhere. He ran his nails along Ashton's thighs, stroking over the phoenix tattoo on his ribcage, and grazed through Ashton's chest hair before tugging at his necklace. Ashton's hips moved faster as he leaned back to balance his hands on Calum's thighs. Calum wrapped his hand around Ashton's cock matching thrust in time. There were no words needed as they moved together moans and groans punctuated with the occasional soft little sigh because it just felt so good.

Calum's hips bucked and he knew he couldn't hold back much longer. Not with the way Ashton was bouncing on him now, his thighs pumping as he sought his own climax. Ashton leaned forward whimpering into Calum's neck, nuzzling and nibbling. His tempo increased, his nails dug into Calum's scalp and his long fingers pulled his curls. Calum kept one hand on Ashton's shaft while the other clutched Ashton's hip spurring him on.

A growl ripped from Ashton's chest as his orgasm exploded from his core shooting electricity through every nerve ending in his body. Calum felt him erupt between their bodies spilling through his fingers and onto his chest. Ashton clenched around Calum's cock sending him crashing into ecstasy as Ashton's hips stuttered and jerked, milking every drop from Calum as he thrust up into Ashton, his eyes rolling back in his head. Ashton sat up pulling Calum's head into his chest, Calum's arms wrapped around Ashton's waist as they traded breaths and their heartbeats slowed back down. Ashton eased himself off Calum causing both of them to groan a little at the lack of contact.

Calum got up and staggered into the kitchen to throw the condom away and wash his hands. He came back with a bottle of water for each of them, flipping the spout up before handing it over. Ashton sat up and guzzled the entire bottle as Calum grabbed the towel wiping himself off quickly and tossing it on the couch. Ashton excused himself to clean up and when he came back Calum had moved the table back by the couch and was munching on a cluster of grapes.

"Sorry, but I'm always hungry after sex," Calum looked sheepish and Ashton noticed he hadn't bothered to get dressed yet. Not that I'm complaining. Ashton ran his hand up Calum's thigh as he settled next to him on the couch.

"Don't apologize," Ashton gave him a wink. "You need to get your strength back for round two."

"Oh yeah?" Calum raised his eyebrows and bit into the fruit, letting the juices dribble down his chin.

"Keep looking at me like that and see what happens," Ashton smirked but he was hungry too.

Calum pulled a throw blanket and some cushions on to the floor so they could stretch out. Ashton poured more wine while Calum grabbed the food out of the fridge. Ashton's mouth watered when he saw the espresso baked brie and the spinach croquettes. Calum had done his homework and Ashton was incredibly touched by the effort.

Calum sat down with his back against the couch and Ashton propped himself up at a slight angle to him, close enough to touch, with the food places between them, their legs stretched out and tangled together. They ate in comfortable silence exchanging smiles and glances between bites. They found little ways to touch each other, unable to keep their hands off each other. Calum fed Ashton a bite of chocolate only to find the other man's lips pressed to the inside of his wrist. Ashton wiping crumbs off Calum's bottom lip before finding his thumb captured between Cal's teeth. Calum laughed and started to say something but Ashton had spaced out on him.

"What's on your mind?" Calum cringed when he realized he'd spoken out loud.

"I'm trying not to think about things too much, it's never a good idea," Ashton admitted. He was already in too deep, whether he said it out loud or not.

Calum pulled Ashton in close, folding the other man into his arms so his head was resting just above Calum's heart. Ashton closed his eyes, listened to the rhythm, and the rise and fall of Calum's chest.

"I know what you mean. This is going to sound corny but I feel like I should be nervous, I'm not though. I really like you and I'm not going to try to find something wrong. I'm too excited to see what happens next." Calum finished his thought with a string of kisses along Ashton's hairline before adding," I have to Venmo Hima $100 before I forget."

Ashton pulled back laughing, he grabbed his phone off the table. "I can't say shit, she pulled the same scam on me."

Calum laughed and leaned forward to get his phone as well. Ashton eyed Calum's bare ass noticing the slight tan line just above his hips. Calum saw his expression and wiggled his hips. "Like what you see?" Calum's tone was playful but Ashton could see his dick getting hard again.

"I will take you right here Hood," Ashton growled reaching for a condom.

Calum's phone rang, it was Hima on FaceTime.

"Answer it, I dare you," Ashton pulled Calum onto his back and placed his hands on the back of Calum's thighs.

"Hima, what's up?" As soon as Calum answered the call he felt Ashton's tongue teasing between his cheeks. He fought to keep a straight face as he told Hima about the disaster in the park despite Ashton probing and licking against his hole. Aston buried his tongue and Calum ended the call without saying goodbye and tossed his phone to the side.

Ashton made Calum beg to be fucked before he finally relented and replaced his tongue with the head of his dick. Ashton kept Calum's knees to his chest as he took his time easing his cock into Calum's ass, adding lube as he went. Calum had never been with anyone this big and he pulled his own nipples as Ashton stretched him as far as he could go. The thrill of the pain was unlike anything Calum had experienced and Ashton made him beg before he pushed further. Calum gasped as Ashton bottomed out, seeing his arms flex as he held himself in place, the light reflecting off the red blood moon tattoos and bold black star. Ashton moved his hips, barely pulling out and rocking against his ass to hit a spot deep inside him that Calum never knew existed. The surprised moan that filled the room spurred Ashton to maintain that control, giving long slow deep strokes, and hitting that spot each time.

Calum's hand closed around his dick, trying to keep from cumming before he was ready. Ashton switched positions, biceps curling around Calum's thick thighs as they moved together, chasing their climax together.

Calum arched his back, his spine contracting and releasing slamming his hips against the floor. Ashton rutted his hips, pushing deeper into Calum. His vision blurred as Calum's name fell from his lips. Calum cried out underneath him and Ashton watched Calum's release spattering his chest and stomach with white streaks. Ashton collapsed on top of him shaking uncontrollably as he came undone.

"Oh my God Ashton, that was incredible," Calum whispered when he found his voice again. They untangled from each other, both sticky and sleepy, overheated from exertion.

Calum made sure the candles were blown up and there was nothing left out that could hurt Brutus before he led Ashton into the bathroom where they fumbled around in the shadows taking turns rinsing each other off and exchanging clumsy kisses. Calum took them into his bedroom, pulling the covers down on the bed as the electric came back on. The AC started with a whoosh turning the room chilly very quickly. They scrambled under the covers quickly, fighting for the covers and giggling like little kids. There was a bit of awkward positioning before they ended up laying face to face unable to stop staring at each other, chatting for what seemed like hours, hands, and legs intertwined before they finally dozed off.

**********

When Ashton woke up he was alone in a strange bed. The smell of Calum tickled his senses and the bed was still warm. There was a light shining from the hallway. He listened and heard tiny scraping sounds coming towards him before a small dog burst into the room and launched himself on the bed. Brutus attacked Ashton with doggy kisses as Calum followed him into the room.

"Brutus, get down," Calum scolded him. "Sorry about that. He needed to go out and I was trying not to wake you."

"What time is it?" Ashton looked around for his phone.

"It's a little after midnight, I can drive you home if you need to go," Calum offered, unable to hide his sudden disappointment.

"There's nowhere else I want to be, come back to bed," Ashton yawned and stretched out.

Calum slid under the covers, cuddling into Ashton's body heat, Brutus curled up on the duvet between them. Calum rested his head against his shoulder and Ashton's fingers aimlessly snaked through Calum's soft dark curls. The rain began again as they drifted off to dream together.

@sublimehood @tea4sykes @be-ready-when-i-say-go @scribblesos @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @wildmichaelflower @castaway-cashton @damselindistressanu @notinthesameguey @cashtonasfuck @irwinkitten @mermaidcashton @malumsmermaid

#calum hood #ashton irwin #cashton #cashton smut #calum hood smut #ashton irwin smut #5sos writing collab #5sos #calum 5sos #ashton 5sos

57 notes · View notes

darealpatyu · 4 years ago

Text

The Kingmaker Review: A Story of How One Family Screws the Philippines

Without a doubt, The Kingmaker is one of the best documentary films that I’ve seen in a while. I don’t know if that’s because it’s about a social issue that continues to haunt the Filipino people, or because the Marcoses are such a rare display of narcissism and greed that you can’t help but be astounded by the sheer incredulity of it all. The Marcoses are like the Filipino Kardashians, and it was both a treat and a pain to watch the whole circus of their lives unfold.

Could a Filipino filmmaker have made a documentary like this?

I would say that a Filipino couldn’t have created a documentary with this level of bluntness and sarcasm. Filipinos are more than capable of being sarcastic and artistic at the same time, but as a citizen living in this country, you can’t release a film as critical of current politicians as The Kingmaker was and not suffer consequences. You’d probably wake up dead if you did. Also, I think that the Marcoses wouldn’t have allowed a Filipino team to interview them and ask them about their regime because they already know that they have a band of haters in the country, and only haters want to find out more about that period in life. The Marcoses don’t openly acknowledge the haters, so I highly doubt they would’ve agreed to a personal interview like that. A foreigner conducting the interview, on the other hand, is a different story. The Marcoses love attention. If there’s anything they love more than money, it’s international acclaim. Interestingly enough, studies show that a telling sign of psychopathic tendency is their propensity to crave attention. I’m not directly saying that the Marcoses are psychopaths, but I’m sure you can piece two and two together. Anyways, Lauren Greenfield is an internationally recognized filmmaker, so you can imagine Imelda’s excitement when she found that she was to be her next subject. In the film, one of Imelda’s first lines is literally, “I miss the clout of being the first lady.” She misses the clout, everyone! Who even says that? Getting back to the point, I’m certain that the Marcoses and other prominent people agreed to be interviewed because they thought that they would be having a beautiful historical film about them – which is exactly what they got, in all fairness. Not only was this interview done for the clout, but it was probably also done because they knew that this documentary wouldn’t harm them in any way. They’ve already successfully revised history in the Philippines – they have a steadfast Marcos loyalist base that is only getting bigger. They literally have nothing to lose by taking part in this documentary. Think like Imelda – “I lose nothing, AND become relevant in the international sphere once again; I’ve gotta do it!!”

How were Imelda Marcos’ answers as the film progressed?

As the film progressed, Imelda was trying to portray herself as the victim of everything that had happened. She was trying to turn the experiences of all those innocent people who had suffered into her experience of suffering. I really lost my cool when she talked about how she was the mother of the Philippines and how she had been wrongly stripped away from her child. She would constantly try to victimize herself, probably because she realized that the interviewer’s questions were meant to attack her character, and not to give her the positive clout that she was expecting. When Imelda’s words of care for the country is contrasted with the reality of what happened in Calauit Island, it’s clear that she’s delusional. The historical information presented in the film was meant to be an antithesis to every word that came out of Imelda’s mouth because that’s the best way to expose a liar. You hear her saying she brought the beauty of exotic animals to the Filipino people, and then you see that she displaced over 200 families. You hear her feeling sad about the impoverished state of the country, and then you see her boasting extremely expensive paintings and giving out thousand-peso bills from plundered wealth. You hear her pride about the peace that Martial Law brought, and then you see the blatant disregard for human rights that occurred as accounted for by the Martial Law victims themselves. This presentation of historical truths, presented side-by-side with the proud lies of Imelda, was flawlessly executed. I could clearly deduce how far from the truth Imelda’s words were, and I’m certain that everyone who watched it experienced the same.

Thoughts on Sandro Marcos?

Talking about Sandro Marcos and his future role in Philippine politics, I do think that he has intentions to have a career in politics. I saw this 2017 article writing that Sandro had earned a Master’s degree in Development Studies from the London School of Economics. Given that his family has a solid reputation for lying about their academic credentials, I don’t think it would come as a surprise if he were lying too. Because the Marcoses heavily publicize Sandro’s achievements, I really think that they’re planning to make him continue the Marcos legacy of screwing our country as well. In the film, there was this part where in front of a crowd, Bongbong was telling Sandro that he’s ready to become a politician already – even though Sandro was only 21 years old at the time. This kind of mental conditioning – that you’re entitled to a successful political career even though you’ve achieved absolutely nothing and don’t have the passion for service – is the kind of conditioning that creates dictators at worst, and at best, corrupt political dynasties. When you have parents that constantly push you into thinking that your destiny is to dominate Philippine politics, you end up thinking that you’re entitled to it – willing to do anything to get what you want to make your parents and yourself proud. As a young adult, your entire self-worth becomes grounded on whether you become a successful politician or not. I assume Sandro’s conditioning to become a politician is the type of parenting that Bongbong was raised with, and look at how great he turned out, right?

My Three Takeaways on Leadership and Diplomatic Relations

The three takeaways about leadership and diplomatic relations that I got from the film are: 1) you need to be open to honest feedback to be a good leader, 2) just because you personally think a certain plan of action is going to be good for the group doesn’t mean that it’s good for the group, and 3) be critical of yourself and listen to your own words before and after speaking. My first learning was inspired by Imelda Marcos and her inability to acknowledge her haters. She seems like the kind of woman who listens to no one but herself. She hasn’t had any character development after all these years, and in the film, when she showed the picture frame of her acquittal from thousands of crimes, she had the audacity to say “the truth always wins” or something to that effect. She’s not open to feedback at all. My second learning was inspired by when Imelda brought all those animals to Calauit Island. She thought it would bring beauty to the Philippines when it actually had the opposite effect. My third takeaway is inspired by the fact that Imelda thinks she solved the Cold War. Leaders really need to listen to their own words and analyze their statements to understand if what they’re saying is factual and makes sense. If I were to compound all my takeaways into one unified idea, my one great learning would be: A great leader does not do anything that a Marcos would do.

What historical facts did I uncover through the film?

During the film, there were a lot of significant historical facts that I didn’t know about; these facts should really be taught in school. The historical facts that I was not aware of were: 1) exotic animals were brought to Calauit Island, 2) Ferdinand Marcos had affairs with other women, and 3) the reason why Imelda was the chosen diplomat was that the Marcoses were anticipating a coup d’etat. Also, I don’t know if this historical fact is verified but it shocked me when Imelda said that she checked into a psychiatric hospital before her husband became president. Is that true? I’m sure you can understand why I’m a bit wary of Imelda’s stories.

The Big Conclusion

To conclude this lengthy blog entry, I think that the greatest lesson to be learned from this film is that leaders are here to serve us, and not the other way around. They are not gods – they are fallible and must be held accountable for their mistakes. If we fear our leaders, follow them blindly, and make excuses for their incompetence, we encourage a culture of fascism, fanaticism, and corruption. Sadly, a parallel reality of the Marcos regime is happening today. If a dictator will not take advantage of the current political climate now, one will eventually find a way soon. That’s why this film should be making waves and reaching the masses. If only more of us knew about what is happening in the political landscape, we’d take the problematic status quo seriously. This documentary deserves to be acknowledged as educational material for the sole reason that history is being rewritten as we speak, and it is the duty of those who know the truth to let everybody know as well. There are so many material facts that remain unknown and hidden from the public, and it’s ridiculous that people don’t know about them. People need to know because we might just make the same mistake again, and that’s sad.

In conclusion, MARCOS IS NOT A HERO. THE FACT THAT THERE’S A MARCOS LOYALIST BASE IMPARTS A SENSE OF URGENCY TO THOSE WHO KNOW THE TRUTH. HISTORY MIGHT REPEAT ITSELF.

We really don’t want to see what happens if it does. #NeverAgain

#cobibmo imeldamarcos sandromarcos ferdinandmarcos NeverAgain

5 notes · View notes

antis-delete-your-blogs-pls-thx · 5 years ago

Text

Mouse’s Reclist (#1/?)

Okay, it is time. Time to get working on the incredibly frustrating (but rewarding) task of putting together a fic reclist (the EDM one is next). No, none of my own are going to be on here, I literally know antis would accuse me of doing that for clout. If you want my own fics, DM me :). They probably suck, most of them are really self-indulgent, and I have an update schedule that embodies the slow feeling of trying to download free porn from a dial-up connection in 1997. And your mother is picking up the phone when you’re at the last megabyte and makes you start over. Or something.

I’m going to put a hotlink on the title and probably the author, if that’ll work super easy in a format transfer. Then I’ll post the fandom, pairing, and fic summary in italics, and uh, possibly a small review with some warnings. Keep in mind I can’t be as thorough as the authors themselves, if they’ve chosen to tag at all, because while I do reread these often, I can’t remember every exact trigger. Some of these are fluffy, and some of these are FUCKED UP. Capital F, capital U. Let’s get started. Not organised by fandom or by alphabetical order or by length because my ADHD just says “ONTO THE NEXT LINK GOGOGOGOGOGO” every five seconds. Google docs,,,, stop yelling at my grammar and let me do this thing. There should be about 30 or so under the cut. (Maybe I’ll do more?)

Obviously the first is Three Missing Girls in Madison, Wisconsin by lapsi. This is the Mindhunter Bill/Holden rec that I posted, like, four days ago, and what inspired me to post my own little oneshot drabble. You can check for that in my recs tag for a more detailed description. Let’s just say it’s fucking gorgeous. Everything by lapsi is gorgeous.

Revalations by Anonymous - MCU/Starker/WIP - “I still don’t get it,” Ned says. “How you just... keep being ordinary in spite of all the craziness you’ve lived through. You were in space. You helped Iron Man save the universe. And nobody knows it was you.” His tone softens, becomes almost sad. As though he realizes that what he’s saying is so completely alien to him that he will never be able to understand this part of Peter’s life. “Peter, don’t you want people to know you for who you are?”//An AU where they get the Gauntlet off of Thanos that first time, on Titan. - This is a sort of supremely fucked up but also absolutely beautiful Starker fic with aged up!Peter. By, like, three years, and he’s still essentially Tony’s sugar baby, but whatever. It’s literally an absolute amazing ride.

the spaces between the stars by indigostohelit - Generation Kill/Bradnate - Lieutenant Nathaniel Fick of the USS Devil Dog is returning to Earth with the weight of the world on his shoulders: his captain is incompetent, his crew is half in mutiny, and the mission to a distant star may have been more of a failure than anyone could have comprehended. But on the journey back, something in the ship goes terribly wrong—and Nate may have to bear far more than the weight of the world if he's going to keep his men safe. - Okay, what fandom ancients still remember Generation Kill? Warnings in and of itself for just the general nature of camaraderie on that show. I’m usually a Bradray sucker (remind me to get to those next time), but this was fucking fantastic. Sci-fi mystery AU is my absolute FAVOURITE genre, hands down, all time, ever. And indigo has written a veritable basketload of my fav fics besides, so I can always trust in them.

All of Astolat’s MegOp fic - Transformers/MegOp - ‘Nuff said. She’s the founder of the goddamn site. You’re damn straight I’m going to fawn over her fic. Also it’s fucking good, founding the site aside. I cried. I cried so fucking much. I dripped tears like a sponge.

The White Road by perverse_idyll - Harry Potter/Snarry - One day, comfortably set up in the afterlife, Lily Evans Potter switches on the telly and gets hooked on the Harry Potter show. - Okay, first, this is the only time I’ve literally ever seen one-sided Snily where Lily was the one pining. Anyway, the summary explains the premise, but doesn’t do it justice. Lily watches down on the many possible universes that contain her son’s future from a comfy spot in the afterlife. The relationship between literally everyone in the fic and Severus is… exquisitely-detailed and heart-wrenchingly painful. I’d die for this fic, so I could read a million versions of it in the afterlife.

Rapture by mia_ugly - Harry Potter/Snarry - Snape sees the man, for the first time, on his twenty-fifth birthday. - I fucking bawled my eyes out the first time I read this. And the second. And the third. Dumbledore gives Harry a time-travelling watch for his birthday. A watch that travels to a young Severus, who Harry gets to know. On a pretense, of course. And then he falls in love with him. They both do. It’s absolutely agonising angst, but it has a happy ending. It will fucking pack a punch though, so get the tissues ready. This one is perhaps my favourite Snarry fic of all time. Period. Please don’t pass it up. The writing is so fucking amazingly-crafted. I would sell my soul to write like this.

Shell Game by forthegreatergood - DCU/Superbat - Batman wants Superman. Superman wants Batman. Eventually they'll get it sorted out. - An absolutely spot-on identity porn fic. As cheesy as the summary sounds, this fic hits hard. And it has sex pollen. Who can resist sex pollen? Pun intended, maybe.

Every Superbat fic by Susiecarter. - DCU/Superbat - Susie is a friend of mine (fucking,,, don’t know how I managed that one, apparently I write good enough fic for them to read,,, astonishing), and one of Superbat fandom’s greatest contributors. One of DCEU fandom’s greatest contributors, in fact. Everything they’ve written is a masterpiece. But the ultimate fav? as to which may be the true. Hands down. IDENTITY PORN GALORE.

The Long Hangover by CoffioCake - DCU/Superbat - Clark knows he should take a break: His powers are on the fritz, he feels like shit, and Batman’s treating him like a liability. But Gotham's villains seem to have it in for Metropolis' Big Blue Boy Scout and Clark won't just wait around for answers. Batman might be the world’s greatest detective, but Clark Kent is one of the Daily Planet’s most tenacious reporters.//This is definitely a job for Superman. - Okay, I can’t promise another Superbat won’t show up on this list. I’m a sucker for it. I’m also a sucker for case fic. Which is this. It’s so good. So good.

No Glory (and everything else in the HP fandom) by ObsidianPen - Harry Potter/Tomarry/WIP - The Dark Lord divines what Harry Potter is in the Forbidden Forest, and revelations lead to incomprehensible consequences. Lord Voldemort has won... and the dystopia is damning.//A tale of a fallen hero, dark desires, and a Dark Lord's obsession with something he has lost and finds himself unwillingly lusting after: a soul. - This is a Voldemort wins!AU. A fucking delicious one. If only my own Tomarry could aspire, by god. The imagery in this is so vivid I could swear it was painted on my eyelids. The concept of soul magic and interpretations on Horcruxes is unique and perfectly-executed. Honestly, everything Obsidian has ever written for HP is perfectly-executed. I would probably consider this the definitive Tomarry/Harrymort fic. Seriously.

It Cages a Demon by TripleX_Tyrant - Rick & Morty/C137cest/WIP - When Rick captures a powerful being from a demonic dimension - a demon with the ability to devour thoughts - Morty's consciousness is pulled into the demon's cage. Rick must go in after him before Morty's consciousness is completely consumed. But this isn't what the inside of the cage should look like. And if Rick wants to save Morty, he'll have to survive in a place where paths are unclear and monsters manifest.//Rick knew his own mind was complex. But he wasn't ready for this. - A goddamn Silent Hill-style horror mystery AU??????? FOR RICKMORTY? Yep, you heard me. And every second of it is liquid gold. It’s also gory as all fuck and pants-shittingly terrifying at times, so read at your own risk. But if you can risk it, please do. It’s honestly the best execution of C137cest I’ve seen outside of Harmon’s own damn writing lmao.

The Book of Secrets by Are - Downton Abbey/Thommy - With a war of words and wills, Jimmy Kent and Thomas Barrow embark on a strange romance. Set Post Christmas Special. - Thommy is another rare-ish (now, post-2016) pairing that I would die for. And everything Are has ever written for the pairing could kill me and I would thank it. But TBS is the best. Jimmy finds Thomas’ diary (and poetry book), which was also the diary (and sketchbook) of Courtenay before his passing, and learns more about his past and his innermost thoughts. It’s the most haunting, heartbreaking, poignant fic in the pairing. It ends well, but the journey you’ll take from the first chapter is one I would pay money to experience for the first time again. I literally couldn’t even breathe for a while after this. Lapsi’s fic has the same effect, so if you’ve worked through that one by now, be prepared.

Mad Man by griseldajane - MCU/Thorki - In all the years they spent together, it never occurred to Loki that there might be a time when Thor would not be available to him. The god of mischief conceals himself, coming and going as he pleases, doing what he wants.//That Thor might one day do the same never crossed his mind. - All the mindfuckery a Convinced-You-Were-in-an-Insane-Asylum-the-Whole-Time!fic entails and more. If you have issues with dissociating from reality, this is probably a bit much, because it absolutely nails everything about derealisation, delusional thinking, and paranoia. GOD, if you’re willing to let your mind take that battering, though, it’s a damn work of art.

Switch by Ceres_Libera - Star Trek/McKirk - The life and times of Leonard H. McCoy MD/PhD … If Leonard McCoy's life could get any fucking weirder, it would be … Jesus, he didn't even want to think what that could possibly mean, because it's already been too fucking weird to make any kind of rational sense.//A Starfleet Academy story, set in the ST:XI universe. - The ultimate McKirk fic imho. We’ll get to my ultimate Spirk fic in a second. Please do read this. It’s everything you could want out of an Academy!fic. Especially a roommates/UST!fic.

Black Mirror by DarthNickels - Star Wars/Gen - The Ghost crew returns to the Lothal when they hear the Empire is investigating the Jedi Temple there. They learn Vader is alone and decide to take him out-- but what they find could change the course of Galactic history. - What, you think I don’t read Gen? I read Gen!!!! Look at all this Gen I read. Put simply, Dad!Vader redemption arc set in the Rebels era. FUCKING,,, what more could I ask for,,, literally. What more?????????? Sci-fi mystery??? ASKING FOR MORE WHOMMMMMST’VE????

The Lotus Eaters by aldora89 - Star Trek/Spirk - Stranded on the planet Sigma Nox while searching for a missing away team, Spock and Kirk find themselves pitted against a disturbing native life form. With the captain out of commission on a regular basis and Spock struggling to preserve his stoicism, staying alive is difficult enough – but when a slim chance for escape surfaces, their resolve is truly put to the test. Together they must fight for survival in the heart of an alien jungle, and in the process, uncover the mystery of the planet’s past. Slow build K/S. - Here’s that aforementioned ultimate Spirk fic. Okay, what, it’s sci-fi mystery again. Give me a break. You just heard how much I would absolutely die for it. Seriously, there is no Spirk fic I adore more than this. I mean, I adore an absolute shittonne of Spirk fics, but this one is my raison d’etre.

In Good Company by weialala - Naruto/Sasunaru - This will sound a little ridiculous, no matter how Sasuke phrases it. I see dead people is embarrassingly tacky, and I'm half-spirit seems like something Sakura might say when she's stoned sky high. So he settles for a shrug. - Sasuke sees dead people. Sasuke bonds with the goddamn fae. Kuchiyose no Jutsu taken to the fucking max. An epic that does what The Last pretty much couldn’t. Shippuden who???

The Boy Who Died A Lot by starcrossedgirl - Harry Potter/Snarry - Harry’s always been known as The Boy Who Lived. Only Severus knows that this is a lie. (Or: a portrait of Severus Snape, in seven acts.) - Oh, there’s Snarry again. Bite me. This is my second (third? Tied with the White Road?) favourite Snarry fic. Time travel, almost Groundhog Day style. Severus has to go back and fix every mistake Harry makes that leads to his untimely death throughout the seven books. I honestly could believe this is what really happened, and we just don’t know otherwise because Rowling hasn’t deigned to make this shit up and put a woke spin on it yet.

Kisses Cursed by The_Fictionist - Harry Potter/Tomarry - Fairytale AU. Loosely inspired by Beauty and the Beast.//Some said he was once a man, cursed, and some that he sold his soul to demons and became one in turn. Others said that such evil as he could never have been human. That he was instead a nightmare, left lingering upon the earth a very long time ago.//Harry just knew it wasn't safe to walk near the Riddle House after dark. - Not just a fairytale AU, but a MYSTERY(!!!!) fairytale!AU. Okay, who’s gotten that I love mystery by now? This one is amazing, no matter how many puzzle pieces have slotted into place. The ride is a wild one and a great one. My second favourite Tomarry fic. I’d rank more of The_Fictionist’s higher, but they’ve deleted a lot of their old stuff, despite me absolutely adoring it.

United States v. Barnes, 617 F. Supp. 2d 143 (D.D.C. 2015) by fallingvoices & radialarch - MCU/Stucky - The Associated Press @AP//Winter Soldier set to stand trial for Washington D.C. massacre and treason apne.ws/1og6SWE - Both an epistolary/media fic and a case fic? Sign me tf up. Came out mere seconds (I exaggerate a little) after TWS, which I instantly fell in love with in theatres (still my fav MCU movie, folks). Details what a trial would be like for James Buchanan Barnes, should the MCU function more like real life, all in newspaper/tweet/blog form. Best way I’ve seen epistolary!fic formatted, tbh. Only on the AO3, huh?

The Mirror by cloudyjenn - Supernatural/Destiel - When Dean touches a strange mirror, he's whisked away to one alternate reality after another and it doesn't take him long to realize the universe is trying to tell him something. - I love dimension hopping. And it’s for my first ever hardcore fandom (besides Pokemon), too! I usually see dimension hopping more in sci-fi and superhero fandoms, so it was nice to see it in fantasy, too. A million alternate dimensions where Dean and Cas are in love. It’s definitely a message. :eyes emoji:

Stay With Me (home is where your mind is.) by sara_holmes - Marvel/Stony - Where Steve doesn’t quite die, ends up stranded in the multiverse and would quite like to know how the hell so many versions of himself ended up sleeping with Tony Stark. Well, that’s going to make things a tad awkward when he gets home. - Speaking of dimension hopping in superhero fandoms. This is honestly the most interesting way I’ve seen dimension hopping played out. Or rather, dimension consolidating. Steve ends up in a purgatory-style void populated only by other versions of himself from throughout the Multiverse. Like the Mirror, there’s definitely a message being sent here about how many versions of him are doing the do with a certain genius playboy billionaire philanthropist.

Thicker than Water by StarkatHeart - Marvel/Stony/Superfamily - Neither of them would admit it, but blood does count for something.//When Peter Parker discovers his biological father is actually none other than Tony Stark, it's not exactly news that's well received. By either party. But they're Avengers. They're teammates. They'll just have to work through it. ...Or maybe just ignore it. - On a completely different note from Starker, or not-so-different, depending on how depraved you like your fic to be flavoured, Peter as Tony’s biological son. This is pure Superfamily, not a hint of fucked up incest to be found. Though if anyone has any fucked up incest recs, I’m down to get my dirty paws on them.

the undiscovered country by indigostohelit - Shakespeare/Hamratio - It's 1959, and the mayor of Chicago is dead. - Remember how I said indigo had written some of my fav fics before? Yeah, 1950’s Americana!AU Hamlet, with added Hamratio. It is as good as it sounds.

All of astolat’s GoT and Thor works TBH. But please don’t pass up her Thorki, especially not Chaos War and Revelations.

Reaching as I Fall by apokteino - Supernatural/Destiel - “Service to God was the meaning of existence; service to Michael is nothing but slavery.” Castiel is part of an underground network helping angels fall, in resistance to heaven. At the same time that a fallen angel by the name of Dean Winchester turns up, some of those in the network are murdered by Michael’s forces – there’s a spy. What does Dean have to do with it? Who is Dean? And why are they hunting him so fiercely?//A story about love, family, and choice. - Let me introduce you to my favourite AU concept from all of SPN fandom. No, I won’t spoil it. Needless to say, I’ve tried to write it myself a thousand times, and only succeeded in a thousand false starts. Maybe one day I’ll get around to it. Plus, I always disagree with these authors, anyway. Dean is totally a bottom. ;P

I Got a Soul but I’m Not a Soldier by starandrea - Supernatural/Destiel - AU: Castiel is on the road (saving people, helping things) when he meets Dean and realizes that his soul is different - and not just because he's the pastor's son. - Here it is again, my favourite trope (well, I’d call it a trope, if there were more than a dozen or so fics for it). If you haven’t read RAIF, I’m wondering if you’ve caught on yet. ;P.

Chosen Man by Sineala - The Eagle/Marcus x Esca - The son of the man who lost the Eagle of the Ninth would never be allowed a first command of his very own fort, would he?//Marcus is posted not to Isca Dumnoniorum, but to a wretched and run-down garrison north of the Wall. There he finds that he is the new centurion of a group of scouts and spies, all of them British. He has few supplies and no experience. His men distrust him. His superiors despise him. His second-in-command is an incompetent drunkard. And the local tribes are determined to kill all of them.//But the worst thing of all is one of Marcus' soldiers. He is an enigmatic, dangerous, and insubordinate man by the name of Esca, who makes Marcus yearn for terrifying things he has never before wanted and can never, ever let himself have… - Sine pretty much engineered the Eagle fandom.

I followed them from the Eagle and into all their other ventures, too, and when they started writing for Stony I practically screamed in excitement. PLEASE read their Stony, if it’s the only Stony you ever read.

The Leonardo Effect by Phoenike - Assassin’s Creed/EzioLeo - To Ezio’s best knowledge, Leonardo's idea of debauchery was staying up until morning with a bottle of wine and too many sketching supplies. But why would the gondolier have lied? It was a heavy accusation. In both Firenze and Venezia, mere allegations of unnatural conduct had condemned men to be pilloried or hanged. - My favourite EzioLeo fic of all time. Everything Phoe has ever written is a gem, but this one takes the cake. Have I said that already? A lot of cake is being taken. Please read. It’s the epitome of what makes EzioLeo good.

Naked to Mine Enemies by mundungus42 - Pirates of the Caribbean/Sparrington - The Pirate Code doesn't expressly command its adherents to repay debts that bridge life and death, but the Code is more of a set of guidelines, anyway. Sparrow/Norrington, set after At World's End, ignores all films released thereafter. - A classic fic for a classic ship. My ship pun both is and isn’t intended. I’d read this one over and over. Okay, I already do. Whenever I go back to Sparrington, I go back to this.

The Persistence of Iron by Sylvia - Marvel/X-Men Cinematic Universe/Cherik - Waking up in a lab with no memories and a blue-eyed stranger calling him by someone else's name is only the beginning of Erik's problems.- Sci-fi mystery. You don’t need to ask me to clarify at this point, do you? Cloning tech? CLONING TECH? DE-AGING CLONING TECH? So many favourite tropes.

Take the Heat Out of Me by quipquipquip - DCU/Jaydick - Lost Days!Jason trolls Officer Grayson!Dick in Blüdhaven. Dick counter-trolls with the power of love. (It's super effective.) - A classic Jaydick fic. I think it was quip’s last foray into fic. Under that name, at least. What a bang to go out with.

Don’t Quote Me by TKodami - DCU/Superbat/WIP - Bruce Wayne has weathered scandal before, and Wayne Enterprises can handle another publicity crisis. What Bruce can’t handle is one crashing up against his plans to infiltrate Lex’s estate. Set during Batman v. Superman. - There’s that more Superbat. I’m sure… one day… the author will finish it. It’s a goddamn sex tape scandal!fic. Glorious.

Speaking of, every Superbat fic by Liodain.

In This White Wave I Am Sinking by queeniegalore - Generation Kill/Bradray - He felt like he wasn’t really living, like he was in an in-between state, something that came between war and real life, something like purgatory. - The atmosphere for this is consistently beautiful and bittersweet.

Okay, that’s about it for now. Save for an honourable mention to one of the fics that I started off with in the SPN fandom. I’d honour some more, but most everything’s been purged at this point. Come on, 2012!fandom, stop hiding behind how “cringe” you think shit was. I want my fic back.

Pull Me Under by AwesomeDistractions -- a Destiel handprint!kink WIP.

And finally, the most honourable mention, the first slash fic I ever read, from the Pokemon fandom, of all places. Originalshipping horror/mystery!AU. Wow, my tastes have always been, well, my tastes. Believe it or not, best place I can find it is a Waybackmachine archive of a creepypasta uploading site that went defunct a while back. I never found out the original author. But here it is, Missing, the first ever slash fic I stumbled across.

If you guys want more, I can definitely provide more. I have thousands of bookmarks. These are just my very, very favourites. What ones are still remaining on AO3, anyway. This is why I save most in PDFs. Though there are a few completely lost to time, and I’m pretty sure the OTW says fuck you to Waybackmachine, which. Uhghgh. Please. I want my nostalgia rush back.

#long post #pro shipping #pro ship #anti anti #anti anti shipping #fic recs #fic rec #reclist #recs #enjoy!!!!!#this took me all night sjkfsokldjlk

39 notes · View notes

tes-trash-blog · 5 years ago

Text

Mycosis, Or A Slightly More Scientific Take On How The Falmer Came To Be

(Alt title: I’m Never Eating Mushrooms Again)

Yep. This is happening.

Preface: This essay/rant/overanalysis is focusing only on the theoretical physical and biological aspects Falmer devolution. Expect a shorter rant on the spiritual aspect on a later date, thanks to oyarsas.

Part 1. Just Who Were The Falmer Anyway? A Brief Primer

According to the one surviving Snow Elf in Skyrim, the ancient Falmer were a wealthy and advanced race of Elves that occupied a portion of Skyrim during the Merethic Era. A few shenanigans, some unspeakable war crimes, and a genocide later, the remnants of this race fled underground into the waiting arms of the Dwemer. They laid it down in simple terms:

“Many of your people had perished under the roaring, snow-throated kings of Mora, and your wills were broken, and we heard you, and sent our machines against your enemies, to thereby take you under. Only by the grace of the Dwemer did your culture survive, and only by the fifteen-and-one tones did your new lives begin.”

(Fun fact: If you translate the Stone using Ayleid words, it’s actually a lot more sinister!)

This wasn’t out of the goodness of their hearts, as the Dwarves were, in objective terms, dicks. While they didn’t want tearful songs of gratitude or boot-licking, they weren’t about to let a bunch of homeless and traumatized Elves, y’know, recover. No, they wanted something.

“We only request you partake of the symbol of our bond, the fruit of the stones around us. And as your vision clouds, as the darkness sets in, fear not.”

That something was their sight, and their obedience. Given what very little we know about Snow Elven culture, this looked to have been a bit of a big deal. After all, all the Prelates at Auri-El’s wayshrines implement light and sight in their blessings, much of the surviving iconography depicts the sun and its radiance, and what few surviving accounts remain mention the “dread of night” and “blessed sun”.

This wasn’t a decision made lightly, is what I’m getting at. The fact they agreed at all surely meant the Dwarves could do what they wished. Seeing some of the more elaborate torture chambers and traps, we can safely assume they did.

The Blinding happened in the Late Merethic Era, some hundreds of years before the Dragon War and the beginning of the First Era. Now comes the fun part.

And by fun part, I mean gross part.

Part 2. Can’t We Just Wrap This Up And Blame The Dwarves?

It wouldn’t be an overanalysis if I did, now would it?

There are theories abound as to how the Dwarves corrupted them, or they were part of a failed experiment (Underkiing, Lord_Hoot). This essay is going to ignore these theories, and focus on the more biological aspects of the Falmer transformation. Starting with a quote from the last surviving Snow Elf:

“The blinding of my race was supposedly accomplished with a toxin. Certainly not enough to devolve them into the sad and twisted beings they've become.”

This is further supported with the poem The Betrayed:

“Thrown into the pitch black dread of night.

Living in fear as their minds become lost.

As their eyes began dimming the light.”

This lost book also points to the slow creeping of insanity among the Snow Elves, no doubt from the unspeakable horrors seen above ground and the fancy word that made me write this whole damn essay in the first place: Mycotoxin!

Mycotoxins are a broad name for the various types of poisons produced by the Fungi kingdom, specifically those that affect animals, humans, and in this case, Elves. From NCBI’s extensive article on Mycotoxins:

“The majority of mycotoxicoses, on the other hand, result from eating contaminated foods. Skin contact with mold-infested substrates and inhalation of spore-borne toxins are also important sources of exposure. Except for supportive therapy (e.g., diet, hydration), there are almost no treatments for mycotoxin exposure”

“[...] Acute toxicity generally has a rapid onset and an obvious toxic response, while chronic toxicity is characterized by low-dose exposure over a long time period, resulting in cancers and other generally irreversible effects.”

That sounds… bad.

So, there are few if any treatments for mycotoxin exposure, and the Dwarves were not ones to use magic, so the only feasible treatment for the mass-poisoning would have been a good diet and hydration, but something tells me the Dwarves were not keen on giving their slaves either of those. From the Diary of Faire Agarwen, we can reasonably deduce that conditions were cramped, dark, and damp even among those who had political clout:

“Seventh Marking, Tenth Kulniir

[...] Often the surroundings make it impossible to dwell on any happiness. We have been locked together in such close quarters for so long.”

Keep in mind here that a kulniir was a notched basin that functioned as a simple time keeper, using drops of water. The diary also mentions there’s no real natural light, so we see the combination of dark, damp, and cramped. This was from a woman who held some social capital. We can assume that conditions for your average Joe and Sally were much worse.

Even among the best of conditions, the Snow Elves were kept in were prime real estate for molds and fungi to thrive. There is (thankfully) no evidence to support my next claim, but it’s also not exactly a stretch of the imagination.

The Falmer: A Study makes clear that the blinding was a multi-generational effort. Within perhaps two or three generations, the Snow Elves were eternally blind. Adding to the permanent blindness, there very well could have been the more unpleasant, unwanted, and unplanned changes.

I’m talking about mutagens.

To pull a real life example, Fumonisin B1 can cause neural tube defects in utero, which means that the toxin affects the development of the brain and spinal cord, as well as the central nervous system. In extreme, chronic cases of fumonisin poisoning, it can keep the brain from forming into a viable state, causing stillbirths. In a universe where dragons fly around and singing plants can make poisons, it’s not too much of a stretch to say that there is something equally terrifying growing in Blackreach. Already blinded, chronically ill, and hopeless, the next generation of Snow Elves were doomed to an ever lower standard of living without even the knowledge that things could be better. Combine that with whatever mold infected whatever flora that grew underground, similar to how say, fumonisin blights grains and how black mold is generally Really Bad For You.. Well, we can assume that there was a more subtle force that guided them to their ferality than whatever the Dwarves did to them.

In the same way the lead pipes of Rome contributed to developmental problems among their populace, I can imagine the toxic spores creating more violent, more feral Falmer, until finally their very sentience was taken from them. Seeing as all of this culminated into a war that spanned decades, something tells me the Dwarves didn’t see that coming.

Part 3: So… CAN They Be Cured?

The short answer is no. From the words of the Knight Paladin himself:

“I'm afraid that they're well beyond a cure at this point. The twisted forms you've seen didn't occur overnight. It isn't a plague or a disease that ravaged our species. The dwarves may have stolen their sight, but it took many generations for them to become what they are today.”

And as found earlier, there are no effective cures for mycotoxin exposure, and I imagine even less for chronic, multi-generational poisonings like what happened to the Snow Elves of old. I’m assuming, but I really don’t want to ever see that tested in the field.

But not all is lost. Gelebor also notes that the modern Falmer have started to re-develop their intellect. This grabbed me, as the Forgotten Vale is vastly different than the caves and ruins you normally find Falmer in. There’s fresh air and cool breezes, and open spaces for those sad little gremlins to lurk about. In short, they’re away from the poisonous influences of those dark caves and toxic spores.

It’s entirely possible that the Falmer of the Vale are developing, and it’s in part because they’re no longer confined to the dark and damp that was their prison. It’s entirely possible that with enough time, and enough patience, the Falmer could slowly undo the effects of their chronic poisoning. Not enough to become the Snow Elves of legend, those days are long since past, but perhaps enough to break their chains, and finally put a voice to thousands of years of suffering.

Sources, inspirations, and tangentially related articles:

Mycotoxins, from the National Center for Biotechnology Information. A recommended primer on the nature of mycotoxins and their effects on more complex organisms.

Toxic effects of mycotoxins in humans, from the World Health Organization, another excellent starting point if you like reading about poisonous fungi.

Repeating Mistakes of the Past: Another Mycoherbicide Research Bill, a condemnation of using mycotoxins in of all things, drug control. This article also calls the use of mycotoxins against humans for what it is: Biowarfare. An interesting, insightful, and very depressing read.

A review of the toxic effects and mechanisms of action of fumonisin B1, from the journal Human and Experimental Toxicology. Behind a paywall, but the abstract sums it all up quite nicely.

A Wikipedia article on the Mexican Tetra, because I think they’re cute.

UESP, without which I would be even more of a babbling trash gremlin.

#lore overanalysis #with a bit of science and biology #nature is scary #The Elder Scrolls #falmer #snow elf #as you know #i'm always on my snow elf bullshit #the dwarves were not as smart as they thought they were #they're very much STEM school fuckboys #i'm not a biologist soooo #and mycology is SURPRISINGLY INTERESTING!#there's a lot more that i didn't include because i thought 1500 words was enough for a tumblr essay

41 notes · View notes

karenpage · 6 years ago

Note

1!!!!!!! For the prompt!

1. “We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.

It’s cold in January, wet cold, the kind cold that has Karen Page clutching her coffee like a lifeline to her numb fingertips. Anything to thaw out as she stands with snow melting into puddles at her feet, in the hallway outside of Ellison’s office. She’s started staking him out every day - in between meetings, editorial reviews, and even at his favorite hot dog stand. You’re stalking me, he pointed out a handful of times, only to be met by Karen listing the practicalities of giving her her job back (and she has not nor will she ever take ‘no’ for an answer).

They settle someplace in the middle. Compromise, it’s called, where Karen will be a freelance journalist and provide the Bulletin with pieces that come from her and are run as an advocate for the independent New Yorker’s voice.

But, he’d lifted his finger up to tone down her giddy, delighted outburst, you have to run a piece on Frank Castle, an honest one.

There’s no shortage of suspicion, edged under the rim of his glasses or how he sees Karen, really and truly sees her - until she’s forced to reluctantly concede.

So that’s where she is now, sitting cross-legged at the foot of her bed with only the title of ‘He’s not who they say he is’ and a long, blank page beneath it mocking her.

How does she begin to quantify her relationship with Frank? Does she start from the beginning? How and where she knew she could trust the man every media outlet painted as a monster?

Karen’s fears are rooted in selfishness; what will people think of her, if they knew. If they knew that she smiled at him, bruised and bloody. If they knew that he’d used his body as a shield from bullets, and she’d held on just a little bit longer than necessary. If they knew she cried when the roses started to wilt or when setting them on her window sill became a melancholic habit, knowing he wouldn’t call.

She slams her laptop shut, the glow of the screen had been the only source of light in her room, leaving Karen staring into the abyss like it might provide inspiration. Pretending that even now, her broken heart doesn’t cast a shadow in the dark.

This is her chance to get back into Ellison’s good graces and she’s not going to martyr herself over it. It’s just an article. She’s written a thousand of them about a thousand different people and it didn’t matter then, so why does it now?

Frank’s the one who is gone. She doesn’t owe him her silence after a year of his.

Karen grabs a beer from her fridge, brings her laptop into the living room, and gets to typing. It doesn’t have to be an extensive expose, the nitty-gritty details can be glossed over. The public wouldn’t care if she tweaked some things, painted Frank as a friend she needed, not necessarily as one she chose.

It’s a lie. A column’s worth of it. But by the time six A.M rolls around, Karen’s done. She stares at what she’s just written, neatly packaged as an attachment in the email sent to the Bulletin’s newest editor, and feels nothing like the thrill she’d had, bringing down scandals, exposing criminals, doing right by the downtrodden and exacting justice onto the cruel. It’s the least excited she’s ever been to see her byline and knows that Ellison won’t believe a word of it anyway.

But it’s her shot to reintroduce normalcy into her life and at this point, Karen is desperate to have a routine.

She’s mad at Frank, Karen realized the moment she pressed send. And somehow, admitting that to herself in the cold, dim light of dawn, is the straw that breaks the camel’s back. She’s sobbing on her couch, big and ugly, gasps ripped out of her throat and tears so thick she can’t see, can’t blink them away. They’re like tar. Keeping all the hurt inside has rotted her, and she’d done it for so long. For everything. For everyone.

Locked away Ben, Daniel, Kevin, even James Wesley. There’s so much she should have written about. So much she should have said.

Maybe tell the world that Frank Castle had kissed her cheek, that he’d pleaded with her with a broken voice, haunted by all he’d already lost, that he couldn’t lose her too. She’d called him a friend, and what’s worse, she’d written like it was … an anecdote. Not something, or someone, who’d kept her going through the worst of it. When the world had been the cold steel of a bomb at her back, and Frank had come for her.

It’s pulling venom from a wound, too long left neglected.

Karen cries and cries until it’s noon and the only thing she has to show for a morning well spent is red, puffy eyes and a raging migraine. Two painkillers washed down the remainder of last night’s beer, and she opens her laptop right back up, squinting until she fumbles to turn the brightness down.

She’d write something real, this time. It wouldn’t be for the public, it isn’t something constructed for accolades or clout. It’s … a diary, maybe. An autobiographical apology to everyone she’s let down and hoping that letting out this ache, venting it, might keep her from falling to pieces entirely.

Karen spends the next twelve hours writing nonstop. The blur of her fingers over the keys fades into the backdrop, she doesn’t stop to eat or drink, she doesn’t even edit grammatical mistakes that sit there, underlined in red.

It starts with Kevin. And it ends with Frank.

She falls asleep holding the still-warm computer to her chest. No concept of what time it is, or what she’d even written, only the satisfaction in knowing she’d actually said something she meant, regardless of whether or not anyone ever saw a word of it.

Karen wakes up to wind rushing across her living room, bringing with it the bone-chill of winter in Hell’s Kitchen - she’s frazzled, disoriented - she could swear up and down that she’d closed that window last night long before she’d drifted off.

When she stands to close it, however, there’s a shadow standing in the hall, and Karen freezes until the headlights of a passing car illuminate him.

Frank.

“Jesus,” her hand falls to her chest, heart pounding underneath it. “I have a front door, you know. With a doorbell. It works and everything.” Karen’s go-to defense mechanism; dry humor. Pretending that the sight of him doesn’t spring tears to her eyes (when she’d made the mistake of thinking she’d cried them all away). She’s already turned towards the kitchen - it’s still dark out, so grabbing another beer can hardly hurt.

He’s got something in his hand, it’s – a newspaper? His fingers are fisted around it, knuckles white and he’s breathing like he’d just run a marathon to get here, eyes wild, unfocused, far away.

“What’s that –?” trailing off, she points to the paper with her beer before twisting the cap off and padding her way back to the couch on socked feet.

Her phone is dead, fantastic, and she’s immediately distracted by the hunt for her charger cable, plugging it into her laptop with a victorious sound. Frank hasn’t moved, and she’s doing just about everything she can to ignore him. Out of spite, fear, or guilt, Karen hasn’t decided.

When her phone powers on, Karen frowns at the screen - it’s not tomorrow, it’s tomorrow’s tomorrow. Evidently, her writing catharsis had been more like a coma and she’d slept for twenty-six hours. No wonder she’s in a fog.

“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it.”

“—what?”

“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it,” Frank says, slower, through his teeth. Like he’s… Like he’s mad at her for not understanding the first time around. She blinks owlishly at him, surprised by the sudden display of rage.

He throws the newspaper at her, opened up to page four and wrinkled to hell but - she makes out the article Ellison had run. She smiles sleepily at her byline – it’d been a wild forty-eight hours – and then her brows furrow as comprehension settles in and then it’s a punch to the get when she realizes what he said.

“Frank I–”

He’s pacing. Hands shoved into the shallow pockets of his windbreaker and jaw tight (the muscle in it jumps, flexing every time he rotates to pace the other way).

“That what you think of me, Karen? Just… some schmuck who came into your life an’ sure, maybe I saved it a couple’a times but it’s just par for the fuckin’ course for our friendship?” The last word catches on his teeth, broken, and it breaks Karen just a little bit too.

She stumbles up, hand on the edge of her couch while her feet slide against the hardwood floor. It might be a comical sight, under any other set of circumstances, but as it stands, it just makes Karen look every inch of the fool she felt then, “You know - you know that’s not what I think about you, Frank. You should know me better than that.” It’s hollow, and Frank barks a humorless laugh.

That just makes Karen angry.

“You left.” Interjected, stiff upper lip and all, “-you – you left without a word, Frank. Gone. I had to reach out to Agent Madani just to hear that you’d been granted some leeway by the CIA and homeland … I was … I thought you were dead.” Her resolve is wavering, the words tremble at the end, betraying the false front of her composure.

Frank’s fingers twitch at his side, but he doesn’t reach out to her. Doesn’t speak. He hangs his head a bit, tilted towards her so she knows he’s still listening.

Her eyes glance, briefly (and treacherously) towards the roses, half-dead on the ledge of her window and she hopes he didn’t notice. But he does. Of course, he does. He’s Frank, and he draws in a staggered breath before speaking.

“Karen… the dust settled an’ I was.. I needed time, alright? You’re right I shoulda… shoulda called, maybe yeah.. And I sure as shit didn’t expect you to wait for me, some Jane Doe with her man out to war but.. This?” his voice is that low, steady thunder that makes her toes curl and her heart stop, but Karen can only continue to let the tears fall down her cheeks in silence. He picks up the article, crumples it in his fist, “I have killed for you. Nearly died for you. I’m not just your fuckin’ friend,” Frank means it to sound stalwart, but in the context, it just comes across like: please.

“What – what more do I gotta do to show you, Kar? I” His adams apple bobs, rough as sandpaper but he’s asking her, the honesty of it makes him tremble. He’s afraid of her answer.

“Stay.” and that’s the core of it. He left her. He always left and most of the time it’s alright because she knew he had to but he’d been safe. They could have been, safe, and he’d been gone all the same so she doesn’t have a solution at the ready. She just wants him to – “stay, Frank. Please.”

Frank takes one step forward, hesitating before the next. And after a few more tense moments of this swaying in the space between them, he closes the distance and wraps her up in his arms, only to find out that she too, is shaking.

“You know I can’t,” at her ear, a frantic whisper but in it is a desperation that she has to hear, has to know. “Not all of the time but I will… I’ll stay, an’ when I can’t, when I gotta go I’ll come back to you - if you want me. If you want me here I’ll be here, Karen.” He pulls back because she’s not speaking, there’s doubt cut into the crease of her brow. A sadness in her eyes that he’d put there and is kicking himself for it.

Frank reaches under the collar of his shirt, pulls a silver chain over his head and slips it over Karen’s wordlessly, his thumb sweeping the raised letters on the dog tag that comes to rest just beneath her collarbone. “I’m makin’ a promise to you, Miss Page. I still got things.. Loose ends.. I might need time an’ shit but I will always come back for you.”

#kastle #kastle ff #kastle fanfic #this got way the fuck away from me and i'm cryinkfjnkjfhnfkjgnh #jesus christ #THANKS FOR THE PROMPT I WANNA DIE NOW #long post for ts #Anonymous #*writing #ship: kastle

76 notes · View notes

faboover · 6 years ago

Text

Making Critical and Analytical Content

2 years ago I started making critical content on my YouTube channel for RWBY. Since then, I’ve wanted to take the time to go over how I started, what I have learned and how I have changed my approach to make these types of videos.

(If you choose to read this, know that it is long and the videos I link to accumulate to around 2 hours)

Let’s start with the why. I’ve been wanting to make a series of videos expressing my thoughts and opinions on various topics for a good while before I actually started. I did have some videos talking about Titanfall (before it released) and how I wanted a change of pace with the games I played. But, these videos weren’t fully what I wanted, and were really not all that good. I wanted to officially start my “Thoughts” series by making a video called, “Why am I Here?” I still want to make that video. Then, I wanted to make a video talking about Destiny, which would’ve ended up as a Rant. I think I still have the footage I recorded to make that video. *Checks saved video files* NOPE, it’s gone now… WAIT! I actually do still have the 3 hour video recording. Anyway, I never actually went through with making those videos. Said I would through an Update video, never did.

Then, RWBY Volume 4 happened, and there was heated discussion. This was when I first noticed the RWDE tag. Reading and watching other’s posts and videos about the show, I decided that I would make my own videos talking about RWBY Vol. 4, but it would be in a much different format compared to how I handled videos like this before. No more rambling about a topic just trying to get through my points while on camera! (I would later break that streak) With a new goal set, RWBY Vol. 4 became the first official topic of my new “Thoughts” video series.

I also went out in search of other opinions by reading and watching other people’s videos and posts once more. This is to see what people are talking about and what it is they are saying. I don’t really trust myself, so by going to see what other’s are saying helped me feel more confident about what I would end up writing. That’s not because I was looking for validation in the things I was going to say. It was so I could find new things to bring up that others weren’t, and find things I could either add onto or explain why I don’t agree in an indirect way. This is why I added the “Other reviewers I watched” at the bottom of the description for my videos. These were people I looked into and felt that they made good points and good videos that I either agreed or disagreed with. I don’t think I’m going to be including that going forward. (I’m still going to watch and get informed. I’m just not going to say who I watched anymore)

I then went to write my video with the intent to have it look like I hadn’t seen or read any outside material about RWBY. No commentary, interviews, tweets, etc. Write it so I had just finished watching the Volume and am giving my critique and analysis as though it is based just on that.

The rest of my initial approach to this was, also, SO NAÏVE. I planned to talk about the Volume and all its parts in ONE VIDEO. Oh, how foolish I was. I seriously thought I could do this in 30 to 40 minutes (The Story video ended up being 40 minutes long). Wrote almost the entire script of the video before I actually timed how long it could take (Story, Animation, Design, and parts of Final Thoughts). I then realized my mistake when the Story section, in testing, was around 30 minutes.

With that, I realized that I ABSOLUTELY had to split this video into parts. I also went straight into recording my Story video (https://youtu.be/GHQpfMdGAE0). And dumb me also had to include a live recorded portion of me talking for another 5 minutes after I had finished recording and was in the middle of editing it. Making the video EVEN longer than before!

The lesson I learned after making that video is to CUT. This doesn’t just apply to making a shorter video. This also applies to making a more concise and stronger video. In order to make good, strong arguments, you got to cut the fat. Not only that, but you also have to rework your ideas/points if you really want to keep and present them. This new approach is what I applied to the next video, which would go on to become the most viewed and well liked video that I have put out to this day. If I hadn’t learned that lesson, my “Animation & Editing” video for RWBY Vol. 4 would’ve become the most hated thing I ever put out. I’m not exaggerating. You think my approach to these videos overall was bad at first? Keep reading.

For my Animation video, I planned to make it in the style of Digibro’s “Your Anime Sucks”. I wrote it like I was live-tweeting about it. WHAT A FUCKING STUPID IDEA!!

Here are my problems:

1. I’m not funny (shocker).

2. I don’t have the respect and clout to make this and not get destroyed for it.

3. It was such a change in tone compared to how I did the Story video.

4. I DON’T KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT.

I still have the original script that I wrote for that video. Here are some excerpts from that:

“Thank you, Captain Obvious.”

“More like activate the heavy cannon because it doesn’t need anyone operating or loading it.”

“You seriously need to follow the biggest thing you’ve ever seen with a telescope?”

“Jaune stating something really stupid, because it doesn’t matter if you’re not when he is. At least Ren asks a decent question.”

“I’m shocked that this projectile we can see didn’t curve around Tyrian in order to hit Nora.”

“You guys had to throw in pointless movement, didn’t you?”

“That was easy. How are they going to help Qrow and make it to Mistral now?

Oh, what the fuck?!”

Not really well thought out and put together now are they? Not even on topic!

So, I had every action scene of Volume 4 written out like this. It was already clear I had to cut and rework EVERY. SINGLE. THING. What I ended up doing is take the points I felt strongly about and re-adjust them into a new script, which became the “Animation & Editing” video I put out (https://youtu.be/Dxvu8QaV60g). That video now sits at 2,913 views and 106 likes. Just imagine the reception it would’ve got if I hadn’t changed my approach and stuck with my original plan.

The lesson I learned from making that is to keep cutting and don’t write based off of one’s own memory. I still cut things from the video, even after recording and editing it. I learned that I don’t have to talk about everything. I just need to focus on what I know and what I feel the strongest about. I also had to completely rewrite one section of the video and get a new example. That was the part of the video where I talked about the Line of Action. The original example was Blake and Sun clipping the wings of the Sea Dragon Grimm. What I originally wrote was incorrect for how the scene actually went and was shot, and it ended up as a poor example for what I was talking about.

With this new mindset, I continued to rewrite my script and make my last two videos, “The New Look” and “Final Thoughts”. (The New Look: https://youtu.be/PVNObGIzCSI) The new look video went great, but my Final Thoughts video got really long, so I had to cut that into two more parts, “Miscellaneous” and “Final Thoughts”. (Miscellaneous: https://youtu.be/8do0dT86IWY ) Miscellaneous still went ok, but I made two more mistakes with the Final Thoughts video.

In the Final Thoughts video (https://youtu.be/78UeP6BkRxI), I decided to include some of the stuff I cut from the original Animation and Editing video, among others. I also came to realize that I didn’t actually accomplish my goal of writing the scripts for these videos as though I hadn’t seen or read any outside sources or drama. I responded to one of the people who commented, who felt I was being unfair in my judgment, by admitting that Shane Newville’s Open Letter may have had an influence on me. That was an immediate sign of failure and regret on my part. Going forward, I had to do better.

And do better I did.

I continued on by talking about the RWBY Character Shorts, which I split into two parts. One for the Ruby, Weiss, and Yang Shorts (https://youtu.be/rXjujR6p8Rs), and another for the Blake Short (https://youtu.be/x9TvfssSmxI). The Blake short was the big one because it was the most negative video I had created up to that point. The reason for this is due to the fact that I just didn’t like the Blake Character Short.

After that came RWBY Volume 5. I absolutely had to do better this time; especially, because I was going to say Volume 5 is worse than Volume 4. I had to be sure to write and show how Volume 4 did things better than Volume 5. I did this by showing and detailing specific scenes, stories, and moments of action.

Thoughts - RWBY Vol. 5

Story: https://youtu.be/KTptl7o9hVw

Animation & Editing: https://youtu.be/ndjxOBrBvQU

Design: https://youtu.be/FdSTf2iHHXU

Final Thoughts: https://youtu.be/09Rp88xEovo

I think my Volume 5 videos are the best of the series so far. I continued to apply the lessons I learned. I even added little skits to the videos. I did have a really hard time writing the Final Thoughts video for Volume 5. The big one I spent the most time on was the issues with the last 4 episodes of the Volume. Almost every point I wrote had a caveat.

“So, it’s like this”, I would write.

“Wait, this here goes against that and thus makes my argument weak”, I would think soon after.

It wasn’t going well for me due to also having to deal with school at the same time. I got really behind because of things like that. I ended up settling on just getting the basic fundamentals of the episodes and what I wanted to be sure I brought up as a way of talking about the episodes’ issues in general. I think it turned out fine, but I ended up skipping on the stuff with Blake and the White Fang as a result. I really wish I could’ve included talking about the action and editing for two of those scenes.

With that, I have detailed the journey I have taken in making Critical RWBY content. The thing I think matters the most when creating critical content is to make sure that where you are coming from and what you value is made clear or evident by your criticisms and analysis. This gives your audience a basis to judge whether your arguments and point of view are sound and understandable. I did this with my “Design” video for Volume 5 by making it clear right from the get go that I don’t have a lot of knowledge on the subjects I talk about for the video and that what I say is based on that limited knowledge and understanding.

I think that is why I don’t get much or any negative feedback about my videos. I have had people say my videos are a breath of fresh air compared to other “critics” (Their words not mine). Another was just astounded at how little attention I get. Wondering why my video they watched doesn’t get more views. Not a big deal. I’m recent, small, and don’t upload frequently.

The thing with my “Thoughts” videos is that I don’t want to be definitive. I want to be a jumping off point. A place where there can be further discussion, even off my platform. I was worried at first cause I didn’t know how well my videos would be received and how I would handle any form of negative feedback, both minor and major. I think I have handled things well, but that’s probably cause of how little attention I have gotten so far. Either way, I remain motivated to keep making more videos.

Going forward, I want to talk about more than just RWBY. I still have a lot to say in regards to the series. I just have other things I am passionate about that I want to express my thoughts on. I have already made a video on Avengers Infinity War to get started.

Before I end this, I want to list out my main influences when making these videos.

Mother’s Basement (The one I try to emulate the most)

Kaptainkristian (editing and presentation)

Every Frame a Painting (editing, writing and much more. Seriously, read this: https://medium.com/@tonyszhou/postmortem-1b338537fabc)

Chris Stuckmann (how to construct criticism)

Jeremy Jahns (how to focus and be concise)

Mauler (The amount of detail this guy gets into for what he talks about is insane)

Glass Reflection (Just good, plain, honest criticism)

Digibro (Harsh and unapologetic criticism)

Game Maker’s Toolkit (Design)

Extra Credits (Design and intent)

New Frame Plus (Animation techniques)

The Cartoon Cipher (What they do with music and their editing fascinates and amazes me)

Movies with Mikey (Fun and amazingly presented)

Each of these teaches me how to construct my videos, and what to look for when I analyze and critique media. This is also why I seek out other opinions by other reviewers and people who discuss what I plan on talking about. It’s all about getting that extra perspective that can help build, expand and construct my own.

As I continue to make these videos, I will continue to learn and grow.

#Faboover #youtube #blog #critique #analysis #video essay #RWBY #Infinity War #thoughts #video #CRTQ #crticism #writing

6 notes · View notes

joyofcrime-elinorhigh · 6 years ago

Text

Top 10 Obscure Christmas Specials II:

Guys! Guys! I'll get to the review proper in a second, but remember last year when I talked about A Cranberry Christmas? I said that it was lost media. WELL IT'S BEEN FOUND! HALLELUJAH! [link]

Hell-ho ho ho everybody! My name is JoyofCrimeArt, and it's that time of year again! Christmas time is upon us, and there is no escaping it! The radio is playing the same ten Christmas songs on loop (nine if they've already banned Baby, It's Cold Outside.) The feeling of kindness and generosity shared between you and your fellow man. And best of all, their finally airing all those weird ass Christmas and holiday specials. I love Christmas specials! Even the not very good one's usually have SOMETHING good about them! Whether it be some kind of festive ambiance, a good message, or just being very easy to make fun of. Sure, everybody knows about the classics Christmas specials. Frosty the Snowman, The Grinch, Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, ect. But that's only the tip of the iceberg. But with Christmas being such a massive holiday, There are THOUSANDS of other Christmas and holiday specials out there that mostly go unnoticed every year! And while most of these specials go unnoticed for a reason, some are actually worth a watch, and act as hidden gems. And that'd why I'm here. To count down five more of these weird, bizarre, and unknown Christmas specials, that way you can check them out before the holidays are over. This is 5 Obscure Christmas Specials You Should Watch Part II. Now, I've done this before last year. (Link here if you haven't seen it. Top 5 Obscure Christmas Specials You Should Watch:) As such I'm going to be following the same rules as I did last time. I'll be ranking these specials not by quality, but by how much you should watch them! Because sometimes a bad or cheesy Christmas special can provide more entertainment value than a really good one. But don't take the number ranking to seriously. This is mostly just a showcase of bizarre specials that you might not have heard of, and the actually number rankings aren't really the focus here. But with all that said, let's get this started with... Number 5: Neo Yokio: Pink Christmas (2018) (Oh, the Cringe!) Just like to remind all of you that this is still running while Daredevil is canceled. Anyway, Jaden Smith is back! Just in case six episodes just wasn't synergy for you, now there is a Christmas special. Neo Yokio's Pink Christmas. This sixty-six minute long movie continues the story of Kaz Kaan, Neo Yokio's second most eligible bachelor and top demon hunter. The special opens with him having a cold around the holidays as his robot butler, Charles, tells him an original Christmas tale to make him feel better. Said tale follows Kaz as he has to prepare for the Neo Yokio top bachelor secret Santa contest. He finds out that he has to find a gift for his arch rival, Arcangelo. Being uninteresting in giving his rival a present, he hires a shopkeeper named Herbert Sims to handle the secret Santa contest for him. And while this is all going on he also has to deal with his Aunt Angelique visiting Neo Yokio for the holidays. But when both demonic forces and Arcangelo have plans to ruin Christmas, it's up to Kaz to set things right. If you've seen season one of this show, this special is more of the same. However, It is a bit more refined in it's doing so for the most part. I feel like there is more INTENTIONAL comedy overall compared to the first season. And I do like how this special manages to balance both the demon hunter and the bachelor aspect of Kaz's character. As oppose to the first season, where it felt like the show forgot half way through that it was suppose to be about demon hunting. We even get some more backstory and world building on the history of Neo Yokio and the Great Demon War, which is definitely a welcome addition. And Arcangelo, much like in season one, continues to be one of the highlights. He's like a cross between Phantom Blood's Dio Brando and Jake Paul. I love him. So I like how this special has him in a more major role. I also like some of the themes presented in the "message" of the special. How corporations around the holidays essentially try to monetize anti-materialism for there own benefit. "Sure, we'll air specials like the Grinch and Charlie Brown. Specials that are meant teach you that Christmas isn't about consumerism. Just as long as you sit through all the ads we place in the middle. It's a legit and kinda smart message that I haven't really seen tackled before. But like Neo Yokio season one I don't really know where the show stands on this topic. Is it pro or against capitalism? Maybe it's trying to show that there's no right or wrong answer, but it ends up feeling more confused than anything else. However, what does annoy me about this special is *Spoiler Warning?* the whole thing is, presumably, not cannon. I know that from the beginning we know that it's all a story told by the butler. But I was expecting some kind of twist where everything we heard would have actually happened somehow. Like Kaz would say "Wait, didn't that all happen last week Charles?" or something. Like a joke. Cause you know, this show is supposedly a comedy. But no, it's all just a story. So all the lore and world building that was actually somewhat interesting serves absolutely no point! *Spoiler Warning Over* I can't believe I let Jaden Smith trick me yet again. In conclusion, what you see is what you get here. If you want to see a Jaden Smith anime Christmas special, than Neo Yokio Pink Christmas is the special for you. Check it out for the clout.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLVazo8J9uE

You know what, I change my mind. Screw "There About to Warp!" this is my new favorite Toonami promo. Number 4: Crunchyroll's Christmas Special (2015) and Crunchyroll's Holiday Special (2017) (Oh, the Cringe!) Now this is as bizarre and obscure as it comes. Just in case Neo Yokio wasn't enough for you to get your fill of vaguely anime themed Christmas nonsense, we have not one but TWO different Holiday specials brought to you from the lovely people of Crunchyroll. For a company as big and professional as Crunchyroll, you would think that any kind of special that they would make would have to be at least somewhat well produced, safe, and marketable, right? But that's not what this is at all. What we basically got here is two half hour long "variety show" style specials that were released on both Crunchyroll and Youtube. Both specials are pretty much the same in terms of content. There both just a smorgasbord of random sketches, out of context anime clips, straight up ads for their own service and merch. All themed around the holidays and anime. This special has a real [adult swim] vibe to it, relying on a lot of surreal humor and anti-comedy. In fact, it might of even out [adult swim]'d [adult swim] in it's sheer bizarreness. It's honestly pretty hard to describe without just telling you to see the special for yourself. Both specials are hosted by some guy named Mike Toole. I don't know who this guy is, but he's one of the best things about these special. He's just portrayed as this bumbling goof who's just unfazed by everything but really loves Christmas and anime. He has some really good comedic timing and his dry but cheerful delivery is a consistently funny thought both specials. The specials aren't perfect however. Not all of the skits land and some of them go on for WAY to long. But that's kinda what happens with any sketch show. You gotta take the good with the bad. But do you know what you should do if you want REAL otherworldly experience? Watch the Neo Yokio Christmas special, but pause it at random intervals and watch this special. Treating the sketches like the bumpers you would get in between the ads of a TV show. It's a horrible idea that I'm not willing to try, but I feel doing so could lead somebody to either madness or true enlightenment. And I want someone else to be the guinea pig for that. If you're a fan of both anime and weird surrealist humor then I would actually recommend checking these specials out. There both up online for free, so what do you have to lose?

Number 3: The OTHER Charlie Brown Christmas Specials (1992, 2002, and 2003) So everybody knows about a Charlie Brown Christmas. It's like, one of the most famous Christmas special of all time. Charlie Browns sad. They hold a play. Snoopy kisses Lucy on the mouth without her consent #MeToo. Linus gives a speech about Jesus to an empty auditorium cause adults don't exist in this world. Everybody sings. THE END. Timeless classic, we all know it. But many are not aware of the OTHER Peanuts holiday specials. There are three. 1992's It's Christmas Time Again, Charlie Brown. 2002's Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales. And 2003's I Want a Dog For Christmas Charlie Brown. Like all the Peanuts specials made after Charles Schulz's death, these are all just a collection of random Peanuts comics that were animated. As oppose to the original Charlie Brown Christmas special that had an original story written by Schulz's himself. All three of these specials are just little vignettes based around the Peanuts gang celebrating Christmas. While none of these specials are as ambitious or as heartfelt as the original special we all know and love, I don't think that their trying to be. While the first Charlie Brown Christmas special tries to tell an important message about the true meaning of Christmas, these other specials are pretty much just jokes without much plot or sentiment. But, given that they are just adaptation of Charles Schulz's writing, you know that there going to be funny. I always forget how much of a little shit Sally is, and these specials remind me. However, sometimes the transitioning between scenes can be a bit wonky. They clearly just copied the strips, without putting much thought in how it would work when put together in a sequence. While It's Christmas Time Again, Charlie Brown and Charlie Brown's Christmas Tales are pretty similar. But I Want a Dog For Christmas Charlie Brown takes a bit more of a different approach. It focuses mostly on Linus's little brother Rerun, and has much more of an overall plot. (Though a lot of it is still just mini vignettes.) However, while I do admire the risk, I'd say it's the weakest of the three. Rerun just isn't that interesting of a character compared to the rest of the Peanuts gang. And that one has an hour long run time, which causing the special to drag a bit. But there still are some fun highlights. If you are a fan of the Peanuts comic strips or specials, I would highly recommend these specials. They're light fluff, but They're good light fluff. They might not give you that warm Christmas feeling, but they will make you laugh. And sometimes that's all you need.

Number 2: Olive the Other Reindeer (1999) 1999's Olive the Other Reindeer use to be a holiday tradition for Cartoon Network every year right long side such other TIMELESS and BELOVED holiday classics as Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer and Legend of Frosty the Snowman. But now, it's seem like it's kinda fallen into obscurity. Which sucks, cause this special is actually really good. The special follows Olive, voiced by Drew Barrymore before her magnum opus Freddy Got Fingered. Olive is a dog who isn't very good at doing traditional "dog" stuff. She's so un-dog like that she actually begins to believe that she might in fact not be a dog at all, but a reindeer. And when one of Santa's reindeer's get's injured right before Christmas, Olive believes it's up to her to trek to the North Pole and save Christmas by flying Santa's sleigh. Despite the fact that she isn't a reindeer and can't actually fly. This is just a nice special, and a lot of that comes from Olive herself. Olive is a precious cinnamon bun who I WILL PROTECC! She's just such a kind and lovable lead, and Drew Barrymore's voice talent really helps extenuate this. But it's not just Olive, there are several other fun supporting characters too. Like Martini, a con artist penguin who accompanies Olive on her journey. There's also a evil postman (played by Dan Castellaneta) who acts as the specials main antagonist. His goal is to ruin Christmas because he hates all the extra work he has to do around the holidays. It's an interesting motivation for a villain, but they kind of ruin it in the last act by adding in a cliche "was always on the naughty list" element to his backstory. But regardless he's a fun villain. Between this and Robot Devil from Futurama Dan Castellaneta really knows how to ham it up as a villain who sings. What, you thought he wouldn't have a villain song? How naive of you. While the special is based on a children's book the adaptation was headed by Matt Groening, which I never realized as a kid. Though that does explain why Dan Castellaneta is here. The special is a departure from his usual style, with art based more on the book instead of his usual Simpson style. The special is done in CGI surprisingly, despite the characters looking entirely flat. I don't really get the point of this. Why go through the effort of trying to use CG to make something look 2D, when you could just animate it in 2D to begin with. But whatever the reason, I do appreciate the pop up book look this special provides. The special also carries a bit of that more adult humor, without going to far. Kind of like Murray Saves Christmas, a special that I talked about last year and also featured a lot of recurring staff members from Futurama. However, the world of this is special is weird. Santa is a known person who does radio interviews, but I guess that makes sense if we are assuming a world where Santa really exist. But then there are other oddities, like how Martini mentions how he use to work at the zoo until he got fired. But we also see Monkey's trying to escape the zoo. If being in the zoo is there job, why are they escaping? Aren't they there willingly? And why does Olive have an owner, but also a pet flea? Is this show set in the same universe as The Moxy Show? These are all questions that need to be answered. The special is cheesey and some parts are just there to fill up time. But overall it's still a really nice special featuring some likable characters and some really funny jokes. While no means perfect, I still recommend you give it a watch if you can.

Ahhh, nothing says Christmas like Santa, Pope John Paul II, Ultraman, and Quasimodo. Number 1: Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas (1999) And to end this countdown, let's end on a Christmas special that just screams wholesome. Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas. Probably the best direct to video product Disney has ever made. (Not that doing so is very hard.) This special is pretty simple. It's three different Christmas specials stitched together to equal an hour long movie, each staring a different Disney character. We got Huey, Dewey and Louie wishing on a shooting star hoping for it to be Christmas everyday. We have Goofy trying to prove to Max that Santa is real in what I guess is a prequel toGoof Troop? And then we have Mickey and Minnie reenacting the Gift of the Magi. All these segments are linked together by a narrator voiced by Kelsey Grammer. His voice is so warm and cozy in this special, and really helps add to the mood. Sure, none of these stories are that original, but that's fine because there well executed. There's just such an earnest sensitivity to this special that it's hard not to not feel all Christmas-y while watching it. The animation, while nothing that fantastic, is good for direct to video. And it manages to do both cartoon-y slapstick and warmer more emotion moments pretty well. The special isn't perfect. Some of the segments can feel a bit longer than they need to be despite the fact that the films so short. They're written like TV episodes but most run close to thirty minutes instead of twenty two. Also the last segment, with Mickey and Minnie, while not bad, is probably my least favorite. So it kinda ends on it's weakest note, though I get why they ended with it. Mickey just isn't my favorite of the Disney cast. I personally prefer the cartoon-y antics of Donald or the kindhearted nature of Goofy more in this special. Goofy is also a precious cinnamon bun who I will protecc. And I ship him with Olive. There was a sequel, Mickey's Twice Upon a Christmas, released in 2004. I haven't seen it in a while, but I remember it not being very good. It's goes for five shorter stories instead of three more focused ones, and I remember there being less of a warm Christmas-y essence to it. It was more jokes and less sentiment. Also, they replace the beautiful 2D animation for CGI. In 2004. With a direct to video budget. I can commend the ambition, but that probably wasn't the best movie. But if you want a nice wholesome Christmas special that the whole family can enjoy, than Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas an underrated pick I highly recommend you check out this holiday season.

And so there we have it. five (or technically eight now that I think about it) obscure Christmas specials that I highly suggest that you look into this holiday season. But again, there are WAY more underrated specials that just these out there. So I may have to revisit this idea again at some point in the future and do a part three. What would you all think of that? And what weird, obscure, underrated Christmas specials do you guys watch every year? I'd love to hear all about em in the comments down bellow! I'm always looking for new specials to watch! Please fav, follow, and comment if you liked the review. And I hope you have a Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah (Even though that ended a week ago) Happy Ramadan (Even though that ended in June) Or whatever holiday you celebrate. Life Day? Regardless, Happy Holidays to you all! May your days be merry and bright! Now if you excuse me, I have to go work on 2018 year in review. Have a great day, and see you then! (I do not own any of the images or videos in this review. All credit goes to there original owners.)

https://www.deviantart.com/joyofcrimeart/journal/Top-5-Obscure-Christmas-Specials-II-776656208 DA Link

#Christmas #Cartoon Review #Olive the Other Reindeer #Crunchyroll #Mike Toole

4 notes · View notes

hypnoticharlequin · 7 years ago

Text

Dr. Dante: From 60s Hypnotist To Modern Criminal

I have quite the story for you all today, involving stage hypnosis, crime, and one very interesting man.

For a little context, I’ve been reading a book on the history of Knotts Berry Farm, the berry stand that slowly morphed into a theme park that today is the 15th most visited in the world.

In this book, there is mention of a performance space that held many different shows over the years. One of these was a hypnotist, going by the name of Dante.

Now the second I heard that name I had to look into the guy, I was hoping I could find a poster of his to add to an upcoming hypnosis posters write up, just because Dante is a great name.

But the story of Dante is one that fully deserves its own post as it is quite the twisted little tale.

But where to start, well normally with such things I would do the basic historian thing of giving you a person’s name and their date of birth. But with Dante, we actually don’t know.

So, Dante’s real name is Ronald Pellar, however, for most of his career, he said his name was Ronald Dante. But he has used over 40 aliases over the years, for reasons that might become apparent later...

Dante also gave differing people totally different accounts of his life, in a 2006 interview with The San Diego Union-Tribune he said he was born in 1920, however, in a Chicago Tribune article from 1985 he is said to be 57 meaning he would have been born in 1927 or 1928.

He told the interviewer in 2006 that he had grown up in Kuala Lumpur, where an attack left him and his brother orphans. They were then sent to an orphanage in Chicago, only for young Dante to leave at age 11 to become a street kid, making money by selling counterfeit goods.

However, his ex-wife, Lana Turner (who we will get onto later) said that Dante had told her that he grew up in Singapour and had a doctorate in psychology from a university in that country. However, reporters who investigated the claim found this to be totally and utterly bogus.

Every part of Dante’s past is honestly debatable with so many alternative histories floating around, from both his own mouth and the mouths of others linked to him.

The story of the Dante starts in the 1960s, where, using the full name Ronald Dante, he was making waves as a hypnotist in nightclubs and bars. His deep voice and piercing eyes made him quite the imposing figure on stage, something that translated into many good reviews for his act.

I was actually lucky to find a full scan of Dante’s press kit from the time, a collection of articles and other things he would send to those who were curious about booking him (however even this isn’t safe from accusations of fakery as I’ll mention later).

Now, this might look weird, but this is how press cuttings were sent in this era, with the banner at the top. This was to show that you had been mentioned in a major publication.

This specific issue is from October 16th, 1962, showing that Dante is playing to decently sized clubs and is apparently getting good reviews, even if those reviews are rather generic for the era.

Something that interests me is the genie’s lamp motif used for his logo. Because it doesn’t really work with the name “Dante” then again, nor does the very “oriental” font they decided to use. Though you could likely see this as an attempt to mix the Arabic and Asian trends that were decently popular in the US during the period.

Also of note is that Dante often used the nickname/tagline “Mr. Hypnotism” during his career. Interestingly you often see him using Mr. Hypnotism as more of a stage name, with it getting top billing over the Dante name.

A big part of the press pack is letters of recommendation from various companies and venus commending Dante on a great show and for selling the venue out.

This is a good example of this, apparently, in 1965 Dante was breaking records at a supper club.

There are also other letters from the period from organizations that hold a lot more clout to the modern observer.

In 1967 and 1968 Dante did shows in front of the US Airforce and US Army, one in Vietnam and one in Bangcock.

These glowing reviews would be great for a performer, as a recommendation from two large government agencies would pretty much guarantee you work in the future.

Of note, I actually have a scan from a review of one of Dante’s Hong Kong shows, very likely from the same series of shows that the airmen attended.

It is quite an interesting review, making a point that locals don’t think that speaking acts ever sell, due to the audience only being fluent in Chinese (and that Chinese acts apparently don’t speak?).

But of interest is the fact that the reviewer volunteered to be one of Dante’s subjects and actually gives a write up of the action from the subject’s perspective.

To summarize:

-The subjects are told to stand with their hands relaxed, heels together.

-The subjects then stand and look up at the ceiling, taking a deep breath

-The subjects close their eyes, start to breathe normally and then count.

-Dante then says when he touches them on the shoulder he wants them to visualize themselves as steel, and himself as a magnet, pulling them towards him.

-If they feel it, the subjects are to fall forward where Dante will catch them.

This does not work on the reporter who is sent back to his chair, he does mention that he considered falling anyway just to keep the show going and notes that during the suggestions, several other people ended up coming back to their chairs meaning they might have had the same idea he did.

Dante even comments to him later that a good subject has “an urge to show off”.

The acts performed during this show included:

-Their arms are made of steel and they are unable to drop them

-Watching a funny film

-Cheering on a racehorse

-Hiding the winnings from said racehorse

-Feeling themselves pricked with a pin so they jump

-Thinking they are naked

-Dancing

Then the subjects are sent back to the chairs, acting like the Road Runner.

Interestingly this set would pretty much work today, which really shows you how little stage hypnosis shows have changed since the mid-60s.

Amusingly the reviewer is actually surprised the Road Runner bit worked, due to the character being “popular 15 years ago” and suggests Dante should try making his subjects James Bond instead! (Which is honestly a good suggestion Goldfinger had been a smash hit in 1964 and Thunderball would make a decent amount at the box office when it came out in 1965 despite being considered the weakest Bond film today).

I would like to quote one of the final paragraphs verbatim:

I don’t pretend to know as much about hypnotism as this highly-rated American performer who has made a half-million people into his slaves on stage. But I was bothered when Dante failed to remove the suggestions he planted.

If hypnotism has the power to break bad habits as Dante suggests, and if his subjects were really hypnotized, then these eight people should jump as though stuck with a pin everytime someone resembling Dante stamps his feet.

This is honestly weirdly switched on for a review from the 60s, it honestly had me surprised.

Dante’s press pack does include a recommendation from the Cafe De Paris in Hong Kong

This poster is pretty interesting as it doesn’t really explain what the act is, minus the fact that two women will be present. In fact, the girls get a much more detailed billing than Dante himself.

Now, this could be the venue working on the idea that “speaking acts don’t sell” or it is proof that Dante already had quite a name for himself in Hong Kong. There is also the third option of bad cropping as the edge of the poster looks very badly cut, as if it was quickly done with scissors so there might have been more to it.

These were not the only international shows Dante did and his press pack contains a poster for a show in Mexico along with a newspaper cutting about it.

This poster has an interesting collage look to it, and once again Dante is advertised with this strange oriental font. For those curious, the text under Dante explains how his voice is insured by Lloyds of London for one million dollars. This is actually pretty common as Lloyds of London does allow performers to take out insurance on their talents. They have insured, amongst other things, Michael Flatley's legs, the hands of the1932 world yo-yo champion Harvey Lowe, the body of Ric Flair, Bruce Springsteen’s vocal chords and Tina Turner’s legs. So Dante having a policy totally makes sense.

Interestingly the cutting says that Dante has been in “five motion pictures” something I can’t find anything about, I’ve checked IMBD and every other film database I know of and can find a single one.

One other cutting from the pack really stands out to me, apparently, Dante played an 80,000 seat venue with the band Cream.

This is advertised as the first time a top rock group had performed with a hypnotist, but weirdly the article only mentions Dante and not Cream themselves.

Dante’s show seems mostly the same as in Hong Kong with a few minor additions of people being attacked by movie monsters, a trip through Disneyland (Disneyland being a weird recurring theme with Dante) and “sleeping in each other's arms”.

The ending of this article is really something, mentioning one “attractively packaged young lady,” being made to think she was a stripper and that she:

had discarded all but her undies before Dr. Dante tragically stopped her. Several sympathetic audience members, undoubtebly disliked by the remaining viewers, ran up to cover her

Now, I’m actually a big fan of Cream and yet I had never heard of this show. And I can’t seem to find any good record of it at all. Now Cream was not together long so we know this happened sometime between 1966 and 1968.

I would further presume it is post-1967 as I don’t think Cream was selling out big venues like this before Disraeli Gears came out. This is also due to them being described as “one of the world’s heaviest rock groups” which fits their post-Disraeli Gears sound.

Now there is a photo of Dante and Cream.

But there are a lot of photos of Dante with people as Dante loved getting his picture taken and often used the celebrities he was “friends” with as a marketing point.

My Eric Clapton based conundrums aside, however, the biggest moment for Dante’s career was in 1969 when Dante married the actress, Lana Turner.

Lana Turner had quite the life and most of it was in the public eye. The famous (and totally fake) legend says that the girl was spotted at the lunch counter of Schwab's Pharmacy in the 1930s. She was deemed so beautiful she was hired on the spot.

By the 1940s Lana was seen as a sex symbol and was a common pin-up for the troops fighting in Europe, and her role in the 1946 film “The Postman Always Rings Twice” cemented her as a powerful dramatic actress.

However, by the late 60s, she was on a downturn, her films were doing less well at the box office and MGM, her home studio, were having money issues due to having to divest from their theatres.

When she met Dante in an LA nightclub, they started a whirlwind romance that ended up in Lana’s 7th marriage.

Now, this is where some element of fakery appears. As part of the press kit, there is this cutting:

Compare this release to the one I showed above (and one I found myself from a newspaper archive). Note how the former focuses totally on Turner and this second one focuses mostly on Dante.

The source I got this from says it is fake and isn’t something the LA Times ever published and while I don’t have the resources to verify this myself, I actually believe them.

While Dante might have been a decently big name, he was not up to the level of Turner, who was a grand star even at this point. Also, this says Dante’s first wife was movie star Brigette Bardot which is totally not true.

Bardot's list of partners via marriage is:

Now, Bardot did say she had over a hundred lovers both men and women and Dante could have maybe been one of them. But they were never legally married, really throwing this cutting into question.

One other cutting from the pack is called into question by the compiler as well:

Basically, it is a review from Variety (another source I, unfortunately, cannot verify for myself) and says that Dante is better than any of the other hypnotists the reviewer has seen over the past 20 years, going as far to say the last time the venue was that full was when Frank Sinatra still owned the place.

Also, something to note is that both of these cuttings referred to him as Dr. Dante, despite him not actually holding the necessary qualifications. While there is a long tradition of hypnotists adding Dr. to their name, this is an interesting deviation from other, legit, cuttings of the time.

However, it does note that Dante hypnotized 27 people and “took them to Disneyland” which sounds like a euphemism but does seem to be a running part of his act.

With a famous marriage, Dante’s fame grew, netting him more and more bookings. However, the marriage only lasted six months. Turner says she wrote Dante a $35,000 check to help with an investment but Dante ran off with the money.

Turner then accused Dante of stealing $100,000 of jewelry from her and ended up suing him. At the trial, Dante produced a document that said he got $200,000 if he and Turner broke up. Turner said she had never seen the document before and the court ruled in her favor, making Dante pay her $25,000 in damages.

It really seemed like the divorce didn’t slow down Dante one bit, he continued to do shows and continued to get good reviews. However, in 1975 things took a sour turn.

Dante was arrested for trying to convince another man to help him in a plan to kill rival hypnotist Dr. Michael Dean. Unluckily for Dante, this man happened to be an undercover cop who arrested him.

Dean and Dante had known each other for 15 years, with Dante even saying that he and Dean had learned hypnosis together. Dean, however, said that Dante had copied his act and that Dante had wanted to move into the San Diego county area where Dean had a long-running show.

Dante’s lawyer argued that Dante had an addiction to prescription barbituates and these impaired his decision making and Dante himself argued it was a set-up and that Dean had paid off the cop. Despite this Dante was found guilty of attempted murder in the second degree and sentenced to 7-20 years in prison. Dante went into Arizona State Penitentiary from February 1976 to June 1978, when he was released on parole.

Apparently being an ex-felon didn’t hurt his bookings, with him quickly getting a two-year stint at Knotts Berry Farm.

In 1985 Dante set up a hypnosis education course and took out massive ads in newspapers in Houston, Portland, Atlanta and Chicago offering the chance to become a hypnotherapist.

He was now calling himself Dr. Dante, saying that he got the qualification from the American Hypnotherapists Association or the AHA. The AHA was actually something Dante had set up himself for the sole purpose of giving himself the fake title.

Luckily, two journalists went to the Chicago presentations, Jeffrey Zaslow of The Wall Street Journal and Eric Zorn of The Chicago Tribune. both of whom give wonderful write-ups of the day.

Those who responded to the adverts in the Chicago Tribune offering “Free” hypnosis seminars would be greeted into the room by music which is described by Zorn as:

``The Official Album of Disneyland and Walt Disney World,`` a pastiche of buoyant Americana and a salute to ripe and immense fantasies, the very things that had drawn the crowd.

Once again Disneyland playing a role. I’m a nerd who actually has a copy of that album and I can only presume the music was from The Main Street Electrical Parade mostly because I presume the music from “The Country Bear Jamboree” was a little too on the nose.

Zorn goes on to describe the advert from the Tribune a little, noting that it features many pictures of Dante with different famous people.

Down the right side of the page, in an attempt, one assumes, to lend credibility to his free seminar, were three snapshots of Dr. Dante, each one showing off a different hairdo of his. One photo was of Dr. Dante in brown, wavy locks ``with wife, movie star Lana Turner.`` Another was of Dr. Dante with short, white hair ``being interviewed by Johnny Carson.`` And the last was of Dr. Dante in short, black ringlets ``with first heart surgeon Dr. Christian (sic) Barnard.``

Zaslow also makes note that these pictures are on the wall of the room the talk is held in, really trying to make Dante seem prestigious.

However, one of these photos would cause an issue. The photo of Johnny Carson actually led to Carson suing Dante for $51 million. Carson’s lawyer saying:

the photo was taken with Carson's permission 'sixteen or seventeen years ago,' but Dante has no right to use it in advertising.

While I can’t be certain, I think this might be the picture in question. It is one of the pictures featured in Dante’s press pack.

To note, while Johnny Carson was the host of The Tonight Show, this picture is not on the set of that show as Dante was never on it. When asked about it by Zorn, Dante said it was when Carson was doing something else, but he couldn’t confirm what exactly that other thing was.

Once people have had time to enjoy the music and to soak in the various images of Dante hobnobbing with the rich and famous, Dante would come onto the stage and pitch the full course to those there, saying such things like:

“An ex-cab driver and a former Western Union deliveryman "with a twitch" each earn $12,000 a week as hypnotherapists”

"hypnotherapists can be in every neighborhood, like 7-Elevens."

Dante also claimed that the Wall Street Journal called Hypnotherapy the boom career of the 1980s, something that the Wall Street Journal kindly denied by suggesting he got them mixed up with “another publication”.

Those who were swung by the pitch were asked to put down $395 dollars to do the full weekend course.

During these seminars, another man called Bob Gold would join Dante to talk about the Mind Science Church, a group that had formed in 1949 and one that Dante was on the board of directors for.

Basically, the Mind Science Chruch was a breakaway group of Christians who disagreed that hypnotism was evil and formed the MSC as a non-denominational sect to promote the practice.

To quote Zorn (who throws a lovely bit of shade):

They professed that hypnosis and prayer were very similar activities and that ministers were analogous to coaches or teachers. They used the biblical passage wherein God puts Adam to sleep as the scriptural cornerstone of their faith. Gold can quote it for you, roughly.

Now, I think the passage they mean would be Genesis 2:21 which in the King James Bible reads:

And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

Their aim was to get as many of their congregation certified in hypnotherapy as possible, saying that:

`We have no priests or ministers,` he says. `Except that everyone who learns hypnotherapy, in our eyes, is a minister of our faith, whether he belongs to another faith or not.`

Which is very interesting as it makes me a minister for them, which is impressive considering I hadn’t heard of them until like a week ago.

Those who went to the full weekend course would be greeted on Saturday morning by Dante in a doctor’s coat and stethoscope who would work to teach them all about hypnosis.

Dante started by explaining that all hypnosis is self-hypnosis and that the basics can be taught in an hour, but the real skill comes with practice. He then went on to give attendees a basic script to use and did a basic Q&A session.

He then handed out spiral disks to use as a fixation object, along with pink and blue cards containing the “hypnotic script” and had attendees practice on one another for a while.

On Sunday evening Dante handed out diplomas and offered to sell those present a $198 kit containing fixation objects and other things to help them be a hypnotherapist, before giving two final pieces of advice.

The first was to decorate your office with books and diplomas and the second was not to try and hypnotize family and friends as they know you too well and wouldn’t take you seriously.

While you might doubt these courses would sell, the ones held in 1986 netted Dante $3 million, putting him in the Guinness World Records book for “highest ever lecture fee”.

It should be noted, while obviously a scam this was before things like hypnosis and hypnotherapy were regulated and thus anyone could declare they had a diploma in hypnotherapy without fear of repercussion or legal trouble.

Dante also set up a permanent make-up college called “Perma-Derm Academy”. This college offered to teach makeup artists how to do permanent make up using tattoos, something Dante insists he was one of the first people to do. However, the school was highly sub-par with several students saying they were taught how to apply the makeup by using ballpoint pens on cantaloupe melons.

This got him into legal trouble as according to the Federal Trade Commission, he misrepresented his school as an accredited institution and misrepresented what the course offered. He was ordered to immediately stop and repay $143,750 of the almost 1.5 million dollars he had made running the school. As part of this settlement, he was made to agree to not run such institutions again.

In the April of 1997, the FTC started “Project Scofflaw” aimed at enforcing FTC court orders and making sure those who had agreed to not run misleading programmes actually followed through. It turned out Dante had not and was still offering the misleading programme.

In fact, he had just renamed his company to “Permanetics Inc” and he had also set up the “American Professional Institute” a paralegal training firm which advertised that its graduates could make lots of money, despite the school holding none of the required accreditations.

Dante was arrested and was sentenced to 67 months in prison for contempt of court. However, before the last day of his trial in the November of 1997 Dante is said to have told his lawyer that they should flee “either north or south”. Dante chose to flee to Mexico and was sentenced in absentia in 1998.

Dante lived on his yacht just outside the Mexican city of Ensenada for two years. However, in 2000 ABC featured him and his scams on their show 20/20. Apparently, Dante gave an interview from the deck of his yacht, this interview was said to be heavily mocking of those who had fallen for his scams, however, I can’t find footage from the show to confirm this.

Soon after Dante was arrested re-entering the US and sent to prison for the crimes he committed in 1998. Dante insists that the Mexican federal police kidnapped him and dragged him back across the border but no record of such actions has ever been found.

In 2003, while serving his 1998 contempt charge, the FBI indited Dante once more for mail fraud. Since 1996 Dante had been running the “Columbia State University“ a correspondence school that alleged to be an accredited university but was, in fact, a diploma mill.

The CSU ran adverts in major publications declaring:

University Degree in 27 Days!

Bachelor's, Master's, Doctorate

Legal, legitimate, and fully accredited. School rings available.

Its pitch was that students could use their work history and partially completed courses to get a degree in record time provided they paid the fee and did the tiniest bit of work (which mostly amounted to filling out a form).

To quote from the official FBI inditement:

According to court documents, Pellar set up Columbia State University in 1996 at a business office in San Clemente. CSU falsely represented itself to be a government-approved university in Louisiana and it falsely claimed to have faculty and accreditation sufficient to confer bachelor's, master's, and doctoral degrees by correspondence in as little as one month. Pellar created promotional materials, including a university catalog, that falsely told prospective students that CSU had an administration composed of Ph.Ds and medical doctors and that it had received full accreditation from legitimate accreditation agencies. The catalog cover featured a photograph of a building that bore no relation to the fictitious CSU or its San Clemente office. The mailing address was in Metairie, Louisiana, but in reality that was only a mail forwarding service that simply resent all correspondence to CSU's addresses in Southern California. The indictment alleges that, in November 1997, Pellar fled the U.S. and continued to direct the activities of CSU from Mexico through subordinates.

The indictment alleges that CSU took in more than $10 million from students around the country in tuition fees during the scheme. The indictment alleges that students around the country were defrauded because CSU gave them the impression that it was a legitimate academic institution, but in reality, it was nothing more than a diploma mill.

The US Senate hearings into CSU had a former employee testify that while the CSU has a gross income of around $20 million it had no educational staff and no facilities and that the ten-person board of directors was nothing more than a list of made up names and titles.

The school had even advertised that Joans Salk, the inventor of the Polio vaccine had an honorary Ph.D. from them. A claim that was only removed when Salk himself complained about the lie.

Dante pleaded guilty to nine counts of mail fraud, he was ordered to pay back $45,835 and forfeit the $1.5 million yacht as well as serving 8 months in prison.

Upon his release, Dante mostly stayed out of the public eye, in 2006 it was said he was living in a trailer park. However, in 2010 he was thrust into the limelight once more as a film about his life, entitled “Mr. Hypnotism” was shown at SXSW.

To end, I would like to quote part of J. Harry Jones’ interview with Dante from his 2006 Chicago Union-Tribune Article:

He proudly produces a copy of “Marquis Who's Who” from 1993, which lists Ronald Pellar as holding a doctorate from Columbia State University and of having been a lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Marine Corps.

Is the Marine Corps reference true?

Dante smiled slightly. “Of course not,” he said.

#hypnosis #hypnotism #hypnotist #hypnoMedia #hypnohistory #scams

74 notes · View notes