#anyways. experiencing joy as I lay here

[millenniumringg]

Been having strange moods lately but one I am absolutely enjoying right now as I lay in bed is joy for writing!!!!

I LOVE WRITING!!!!!!! I love it so much I cannot explain why but I’m so happy that I still do it and I hope I do it forever and ever and ever I just like creating and putting it all together and making it A Thing!!!!!!!! A THING!!!!!!!!

And THEN I get to SHARE THE THING????? And OTHER PEOPLE can ENJOY IT ALSO???!??!!

Literally insane. Literally amazing. Shoutout to fiction and writing and reading and all that stuff. Awesome.

[justporo]

my queen. ur sfw alphabet for astarion....it was so good. so amazingly good. grrrrrRUFF!!! GRAAAAFPBRRRR!!!!!! anyways.....would you....be able.......to make......an nsfw alphabet 👀

Oh my sweet Anon, how could I say no? And you're not alone in wanting the NSFW version so here you go, hope you enjoy! And thank you so so much <3. You know flattery will most likely get you your way with me. Surely a thing Astarion and me share... This is Fem!Tav/Astarion btw.

I used this wonderful template (although I changed C slightly), thanks again to @the-coldest-goodbye.

Smutty headcanons about Astarion and Tav (in alphabetical order)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Astarion is very cuddly and comforting – especially if it was a little rougher. He’s always making sure you’re okay, holding you, kissing you gently, laying around naked afterwards just talking and relaxing. Especially since he’s learnt being comfortable with non-sexual intimacy he also just enjoys being close to you with skin-on-skin contact, feeling your warmth.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

“Just one, love? Don’t make me choose a favourite?” Let’s face it, he knows he has the body and face of a fallen god. He takes pleasure in looking and being beautiful (rightfully so), he likes that he has a body that’s well built and incredible to look that. But not even in that kind of hollow way but it’s just aesthetically pleasing and that’s a source of joy for him (also he loves his hair a lot). That also goes for you: he’s constantly reminded of every single little beautiful detail about you. The way your neck curves in an elegant line, the way your lips open into a smile, the small lines in your irises that are only visible when he’s like an inch away from you, the little dimple above your butt? Ugh – he could get lost in all those little aspects for they’re all infinite spaces of beauty.

C = Coming (switched that one because I liked this more)

Astarion takes an incredible amount of pleasure in keeping you on edge sometimes. The way it’s so very much in his hands to let you fall or not and the way you’re willingly giving yourself to him in that way. He’d never truly make you suffer though – he only does what makes it more exciting for the both of you.

Sometimes it might even be a little bit of teasing who might be able to push the other beyond the point of no return. (Punishable by law and the other will pay!)

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

It turns Astarion on way too much when you wear his clothing. The way your ass looks when you’re wearing only his shirt, when it’s visible just beyond the hemline. The way your hardened nipples peak through the fabric and the outline of your breasts shows through it – he can never get over that image. Certain way to get him to push you against a wall in three seconds or less.(And it will stay on during the sex, so he can smell you and what the two of you did later on.)

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Do we even need to answer this? He knows every damn trick in the book and he’s very creative and eager to show off and teach you.

But: Doing all this with someone he really loves? With someone he desires so deeply it threatens to melt him from the inside? That’s a whole new plane of existence he never even though existed.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

“Again, darling, you can’t possibly make me pick just one. Because when you’re under me I can see your face when I’m deep inside you. I can watch your eyes roll back and how your lips soundlessly form my name and your legs wrapped around my hips can slowly drive me insane. But when you’re on top of me I feel like you’re a goddess gracing me with your blessing. And when you’re on all fours and I’m above you, I can feel the tension in your whole body, how you desperately use every inch of space to get more friction and look at your pretty little back arch while I grip onto your thighs.”

Enough said, isn’t it?

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

He’s probably way too used to putting up the perfect performance in the beginning. But he slowly learns that being intimate means so much more: that it means being so deeply comfortable with each other, each other’s body and mentally, emotionally, that’s not about perfection at all. And that it can be so joyful if someone cracks a joke in the middle of the act because somehow the moan Tav let out sounded like a dying squirrel. Or because Astarion butchered his cheesy line because you’re driving way beyond mad with the way your hips roll.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Elves have little to no body hair so there’s not much to take care of. The little hair that might exist just stays and is neatly groomed just like the whole man.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Astarion opening up in these moments is one of the most beautiful things. Because he slowly learns to experience real intimacy. He’s slowly fully there with you: it’s not an act anymore. His hands linger now on your soft, warm skin, his kisses become more passionate and never ending, his eyes burn with desire but mostly with love. And he makes sure to tell you: tells you how much he loves you, praises every inch of your body. His heart is so wide open when he gets there, he’s so ready to be loved and to give love – being amplified by the fact that he’d never even dared to believe he’d be allowed to feel something like this.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He doesn’t really – because why when he has you at his fingertips. Although if you had to be away for a little while he might find he’s craving you way more than anything else. And when he’s sitting soaking in the tub and he’s reminded of how you look getting out of the tub, streams of water glistening on your body – he finds himself pleasuring himself thinking about how it will be once you’re back with him.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Hmm yes, the thing with blood. Drinking from you while being in the middle of the act – yeah, you kinda both enjoy that quite a bit.

But also it’s such a massive turn on for him if you give yourself to him completely. The fact that you’re trusting him this much is driving him almost insane.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Oh, it could happen anywhere at any time.

Your enormous bed is your favourite place by far though. After all this safe space of coziness is just where you can completely intimate with each other in any kind of way. But Astarion for sure has to test every surface in the house with you – at least once. Okay, maybe twice for good measure.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Just you literally doing anything. Once he realises he’s in love with you, he’s fallen and can’t get up. You’re angry at him – woah, the look you throw him takes his breath away. The way you bite your lip when you’re concentrating on something – he wants to put his lips on yours immediately.

And let’s not even talk about when you try to deliberately turn him on. You wearing something naughty just for him? You very purposefully letting your hands wander and linger just a little too much for it to be innocent?

“Love, either you keep these naughty little hands to yourself or you’ll put them right there right now and finish the godsdamned job”, Astarion whispers huskily and grabs one of your hands, deliberately placing it on the growing bulge between his legs.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

If he ever felt used in that way again he’s been put through for way too long – he will NEVER do that again.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Astarion very much enjoys giving head, because the way your thighs press around his head while he can feel you shiver and the way the pitch of your moans rise – hmm, delicious.

He hasn’t been receiving quite that often so he’s not particularly fond of it, until – it’s you and he realises how wonderful you look with your lips wrapped around him.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It really depends on the mood. There’s certainly not just the one way with Astarion. He can be so incredibly sweet and tender, touches like feathers. But another time it might be he has you up against a wall and it’s all about carnal lust – making it rough and quick. But he certainly always makes sure it’s pleasant for the both of you.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

As much as Astarion enjoys spending whole nights (or days) with you under his hands (or the other way around), he wouldn’t say no to just quickly bending you over the kitchen table to give you a sweet little reminder why it is that you can’t get enough of him – ever.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Experimenting, yes? He likes to show you new things, but he’d never put you in any danger and making sure you’re one hundred percent comfortable with what’s happening is always his top priority.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

No matter what you can’t possibly keep up with him. And he teases you about it (affectionately): “Aww love, I was just getting started. We didn’t even get to the real fun parts.” You just glared him, being too out of breath to put anything you wanted to verbally hurl at him into words.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

The only things he needs really is you and himself. Although something like tying you up against the bed sometimes? Covering your eyes? But for the most part he enjoys completely uninterrupted body contact the most – and that by far doesn’t have too mean it’s always sweet and soft. Those long and elegant fingers have much expertise with sleight of hand and they don’t call it silver tongue for nothing.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Oh, an awful lot. Astarion is the definition of a tease. But in his defence: he also takes delight in being teased back. It’s no fun if you don’t claw back. And bickering and teasing a lot is definitely your specific kind of foreplay.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Astarion’s quite verbal – especially since he’s discovering new heights of pleasure with his loved one. Groaning and moaning – especially your name or praises for you. Also he does not care if he’s loud – he’ll proudly let the whole world now how much he desires you (much to the displeasure of you and your party members, oops).

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

It’s Astarion absolute specialty to make you flustered in public. Once he’s found you get these delightful full body blushes he makes it his goals to tease you at the most inappropriate times. You hate him and you love him for it – this smug bastard. He just knows how to push your buttons way too well.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

He’s hot alright. He most definitely has those muscles for vanity reasons and thankfully vampirism made sure he’s keeping those abs no matter how much of a domestic softie he’s gotten with you.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

High – especially in the beginning. Once he’s free to enjoy his own desires at his own pace there will most definitely be this high-demand honeymoon phase. You’re both not quite sure it will always really end (and you surely hope not).

But: it’s also important for Astarion that he’s getting more confident to maybe just not be in the mood every single time. Just like you aren’t always, too. And that’s completely fine, you assure him time and time again that you’ll never want him to indulge you just because he feels an obligation.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

You can sleep when you’re dead. There’s way too much stuff to be done after: maybe another round (or more), cuddle, talk, goof around, down a bottle of wine.

Although slowly drifting into sleep after being fully satisfied and full of love and warmth: that’s definitely the best way to end a night.

[jtl07]

Oh wow, the ideas kept spinning! So much fun! Now I got a new idea 😅 What if Bea’s band need a new drummer, and Ava shows up (late of course) to the audition. The other band-mates, especially Mary, is ready to just say thank you, next. She is late, she is too bubly for their style and she wears a pink shirt with frogs on?!? Nope, next! But Beatrice can see (and feel) that there’s something there. Something they need! She fights for her. To give her a chance! Something Ava has never experienced before 😭

lolol anon you've started a whole thing what have you doneeeeee

first off, pink shirt with frogs is fantastic love it to bits and of course Mary's like, "no, hell no, fuck no," but they've been holding auditions all week and Beatrice hasn't been impressed with any of the drummers they've seen so far and she's hella stressed because they have an important gig coming up and the fact that this girl is smiling at Beatrice so hopefully is absolutely not a factor in why Beatrice quietly tells Mary to let her play. "it's only fair," is what she says and Mary grumbles but allows it.

and maybe Beatrice notices that she doesn't have any sheet music so she offers Ava a copy but Ava's like, "nope, no need, I've got it all memorized" - which makes both Beatrice and Mary pause because no. their stuff is complicated, proudly so, and for this kid to waltz in here late and wearing a toddler t-shirt - Beatrice lays a hand on Mary's forearm to quiet her muttering.

Ava takes her time adjusting her seat - "geez last guy must have been a giant" she jokes, while Mary grumbles "isn't everyone compared to you?" and Beatrice lets out a quiet sigh - but finally she settles in. "which one should I start with?" Ava asks and Mary scoffs at the assumption that they're gonna listen to her play more than a few measures, much less a whole song.

but Beatrice answers, "in this life." it makes Mary grin because it's one of their more technical songs, one that most of the auditioners have avoided -and those who'd attempted it had been stopped after only a few bars- and to Beatrice's surprise, it makes Ava grin as well.

"nice," Ava says, wiggling in her seat. "that one's my favorite," as if she knows their music - she knows their music? Beatrice wonders as Ava takes up her drumsticks.

and then Ava starts to play.

to call it playing is inaccurate - or rather, an incomplete description of what Ava does. it's playing in the sense that it's playful - there's a joy that Ava exudes, even here, now, with this most complicated of songs; but there's also something raw, something fierce in the way she throws her whole self into the music - like her life depends on it, like death is at her heels, taunting, haunting, and this is Ava fighting back - do not go gentle into that good light, Beatrice thinks, prays; something inside her rises and rages along with Ava, driving the drumbeat of her heart.

Ava finishes the song, looks over at them breathlessly, a wide grin on her face. it wasn't perfect. even in the haze that had consumed Beatrice, she had been aware of that - the momentary stutters, a flourish where one wasn't written - but it was the most enthralling performance Beatrice had seen that day, had seen in her life, if she was being honest.

"well, Ava, thank you for -" "you're in."

both Ava and Mary gape at Beatrice. Mary's eyes narrow, "Beatrice -"

"she's the best shot we have," Beatrice argues, voice low but still fierce, still riding off of the high that was Ava's performance.

Mary shakes her head. "there's still a couple people we can call, she made too many mistakes, Bea."

"let me practice with her. give me two days." the words are out of Beatrice's mouth before she can fully register what she's saying, but she continues anyway. "two days, and if she's not up to par, we'll do it your way. please, Mary."

Mary looks hard at Beatrice, glances at Ava, who's sitting nervously behind the kit, then back at Beatrice. sighs. "two days," she finally acquiesces, grumbling already about how she's going to regret everything. but Beatrice has already tuned Mary out and tuned herself to Ava's frequency.

two days. Beatrice smiles up at Ava; knows she'll get it in one.

[vxiphoid]

⟢ PASTRY EMPORIUM ━☆ {002.}

✑ twst boys with an s/o who enjoys cooking and what dishes they’d make! theres definitely some favoritism in here… ft. savanaclaw

PREVIOUS NEXT

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR

your dish is…

COFFEE CAKE !!

♫ APHRODITE - RINI

- you’ve served leona this once bc he was having a bad day and now he demands to make it again with him present. him? oh no, he’s not helping. he’ll watch you. ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ - leona has no cooking experience whatsoever, never touched a pot or pan in his life but you insist he helps you just a little bit for your aesthetics. he’s staring, hard, in confusion when you hand him a whisk and tell him to combine the eggs, oil, vanilla, and milk together. after a few seconds of staring at each other, you had to stifle a laugh, he looked so awkward…

- you would stand between him and the counter, guiding his hands to mix the ingredients. he was strangely enjoying this, it was domestic, romantic. mushy. but you looked so happy and your eyes sparkled with joy :(<3. also refuses to put the cake in the oven if you don’t agree to at least lay down with him while he naps. you can do whatever you want to do as long as you’re laying down. will never get over the first time you gave him coffee cake and he was weirdly energetic, was it the amount of sugar? you’ll never know.

- the one time he decides to send a letter home is to talk about the absolutely free cooking lessons he’s getting from a little herb’ he managed to rub off on. not that you’re dating him or anything, your just a lil’ herb that gives him kisses. sleeping in the same bed? banish the thought. actually, he’s made an extra coffee cake every time he makes them with you, extra sugar. when you ask, leona claims its nothing, simply made too much batter. he’s actually giving them to cheka, saying that its from you, no hesitation in giving his s/o credit in their amazing cooking.

- once leona improves in making his favorite dessert with you, his tail has a little content sway as he whisks everything together. will never let you mix anything now, he takes it before you can even try. the kitchen is always trashed while you both cook because it somehow turns into a war. both of you covered head to toe in flour and brown sugar. he’s definitely gotten more confident and languid in his cooking skills in such a short time period, you’re so proud :’)

“herbivore, you forgot the vanilla.”

“did you memorize the recipe, leo?”

“no. don’t forget the salt ‘nd i already set out the half cup of milk for you.”

JACK HOWL

your dish is…

BROWNED BUTTER PEAR CRISP !!

♫ BLOSSOM - T. SHAN

- jack has, many times, had to cook for his energetic little siblings so he’s pretty experienced in the kitchen. once he saw you happily feeding his siblings and he almost fainted, baby fever was through the roof. now he frequently cooks with you, with his siblings around most of the time. that day he got to see you in such a different light he needed to see it again even if that means hearing childish ewie’s in the background when he kisses you. ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ - he was already head over heels when you started bring him sliced pears while he works out so why not try cooking with you and seeing how you do certain things compared to him. jack most likely takes inspiration from making this snack with you.

- literally loves how you would see if his siblings approve of the dish before actually giving it to him like he wasn’t gonna love it anyway.

- he’s such a gentleman in the kitchen, taking over when you get tired, making sure you don’t burn or injure yourself, down to cleaning your hands when you get oatmeal on them :(. sometimes he would have trouble on the measurements of certain ingredients so you have to help him with that. his favorite part is topping his plate with the ice cream, may not be very healthy but manne who cares? he’s spending time with you <3

“hey, baby? how much brown sugar do i add to this?”

“a cup, jackie”

“i knew that then, i just hesitated…”

RUGGIE BUCCHI

your dish is…

S’MORE DONUT SANDWICH !!

♫ THAT I MISS YOU - VANSIRE

- ruggie is completely obvious when it comes to cooking. watched his grandma cook, like, once. willingly lets you teach him though, long as you get to hold his hands, you must thoroughly help him. ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ ⠀ - genuinely surprised when you came up to him with a glorious plate of donuts. what are these for? free food? why? his birthday’s in april, its may🤨. you can literally see the cogs in his brain turning as his gaze flickers between you and the donuts. INSISTS you feed him a bite, and UGHH KISS THE CHEF. the most delicious thing he’s had in the past four months besides rlly good dandelion seeds, dare he say your donuts are slightly better than his gammy-gam’s😧😧.

- sly little bastard most definitely flirts with you n gets you all embarrassed so he can dip his finger in the bowl of the melted chocolate. he’s so patient though! you literally just stare at him focusing, does the little thing where his tongue sticks out from his mouth in concentration <3 the recipe doesnt call for whipped cream, but he loves whipped cream. please make little hearts on top of his donuts with whipped cream :(

- the type to absolutely become the most feral in the kitchen, energy, life, laughter, the fun never stops. he has the biggest potty mouth (twin) does not hold back. even when hes pouring the chocolate on the donut and the tiniest drop gets on the counter, its just “shit >:[“ he does stupid things and also learns new things from you everyday.

- this one time, you showed him that if you warm up a jumbo marshmallow, you could eat about three times more than the original size and he was like :O!! never eats marshmallows the same anymore. ruggie puts like four on a plate, they grow so big it sticks to the top of the microwave. still eats it though, tops it like it was a big gourmet meal, a win is a win‼️ fiwb!!!!😭😭

“no fuckin’ shot marshmallows grow in the microwave, they ain’t plants.”

“uh-huh! look at it!”

“HUUUH???”

[mschimdt]

what some avatar characters would do if you were on your period

i need help sprrading my work and i would appreciate if you reblogged my post

i dont know if naavis have periods but for the sake of this post lets just say they do

600 words

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jake sully

you were laying in both you and jakes bed, we'll atleast thats what you considered it because you had no idea what the naavi call it, you were having severe cramps, worst than you had ever experienced, jake was on his ikran, bob, looking for food

he came back about 2 hours later and you were still suffering from period pains, just much worse, now your lower back hurt aswell as your abdomen

jake had a concerned look on his face when he saw you in a fetal position shivering, "hey y/n you okay?" he said while rubbing your shoulder in attempt to comfort you, since you were both living as naavis, it meant you had no technonoly to solve this pain or any medicine

the only thing jake could do was lay by your side while rubbing your lower abdomen in attempt to sooth your pain, it worked for the least and you fell asleep in eachothers arms

-----------------------------------------------------

colonel miles quaritch

you were laying in your shared bedroom back in bridge head, quaritch was on a mission and should be back in a few hours, you just started your period and you werent having any of it, so you skipped a day of work inorder not to approach annoying colleagus that were just going to make you worse, you were in pain anyways, its a valid excuse to stay in your room for thr day

you were looking forward to seeing quaritch, hes the only person that doesnt annoy you, its gotten to the point where even lyle makes u mad when he spits out a single word (not saying hes not annoying)

the door to your shared bedroom clicked amd quaritch walked inside, your face lit up in joy and you spoke " someones back early " quaritch smiled whike locking the door

suddenly your happy expression turned into one of pain, quaritch gave you a concerned look "you okay, sweetheart?"

"y-yea just a cramp" you said while it looked like you were fighting for your life, quaritch walked over and said "you're on your period?" with a little smirk

"oh i know something that'll help with your cramps" you knew exactly what he was talking about, theres a study that shows that sex while on your period relieves cramps and pain, you hesitated at first but you decided to agree

------------------------------------------------------

recom Lopez

you and lopez were out eating in the cafeteria, he knew you were on your period and he didnt want to bother yoy because he didnt want to be the reason your mood switches

you were both having a conversation about how you think lyle and quaritch have something between them, it was late so no one could hear you

this topic was pretty funny to you and lopez, but theres no doubt that its true

suddenly you stoo talking and you gain a angry look on your face

ofcourse lopez decided you guys have been down here for enough "we've been here long enough, we should probably get ourselves some sleep, we really need it" "yea lets go" you replied

you made your way up the stairs and threw yourself onto the bed, you started crying, you didnt know why

lopez heard your sniffles and layed down next to you, carrying you into his lap "whats wrong baby?" then he started blabbing cute spanish names, you didnt reply you just cried, he held you in his arms for what seemed like hours till the sobs finally stopped and you were sound asleep on his chest

----------------------------------------------------

ill make a part two soon, itll include

lyle,mansk, ja ,prager

but for now youre stuck with this

would anyone like to see human jake sully x human reader?? idk i just find human jake attractive ash ngl

[c4fin4t3d-f1sh]

Limelight Basics

It's finally finished! I would love to see if anyone makes art of it or wants to make our bots friends- Idk, I want to be more prominent in this community, PLEASE... I promise I will draw more,,,

ANYWAYS, HERE, TAKE IT.

LIMELIGHT

Pronouns: He/It/She

Gender: Aboy

Height: 5’ 8”

Body type: Slim, muscular

Job: Dancer/Performer

Where were they born? Performance Robotics, 1892

What were their childhood experiences like? Pressured, made to be perfect, secretive, was constantly being “repaired” which caused it to malfunction more often

What significant events have shaped their life? Performing in 1915 in a collaboration with Walter Robotics at Balboa Park, traveling the carnival with mostly humans, being put in the spotlight an overwhelming amount as he was the first carnival bot, being scolded after failing to do tasks

What does your character want? To spread joy through dance and lead a more lowkey life after over a century of performing

Strengths (Physical, mental, emotional) Dancing, mobility, comfort, staying calm, grace

Weaknesses (Physical, mental, emotional) Physical malfunctions that cause him to tic, can’t handle criticism, gets angered easily, sensory sensitive

Are they introverted or extroverted? Ambivert

Shy or outgoing? Kind or selfish? Outgoing, king

Create a list of traits that describe their character. Kind, creative, silly, persistent, loyal (specifically after WR bought her), flexible

Do they have a specific way of speaking, It speaks normally, a little quiet

A unique fashion style, 20th Century carnival

Or an unusual hobby? Laying on cold floors

What are their relationships like with family, Very strong now that he doesn’t live primarily with humans

Friends, Loyal and kind, he likes messing with people/bots, but is quick to apologize if he hurts them

And enemies? Forgiving through time, mostly spiteful and angry, though

What inner struggles does your character face? The fear he will never be good enough, fear of abandonment, grudges against Performance

How are they around new people?

Hesitant, but tries to be nice and make a good impression

Do they speak in an accent?

American

Have they tried learning a new language?

Never had the time to, might eventually? Probably Russian or Dutch

How many languages do they know?

One, English

What is a song that will always make them cry?

Average - Sushi Soucy, I Bet On Losing Dogs - Mitski

How do they cry? heaving? silently? sobbing?

Silently when angry but heaving and loudly when sad or overwhelmed

What is the first thing they notice about a stranger?

Posture and stance, it likes to mimic confidence

What is their humor like?

She would try to match other’s humor, but it’s usually dry and out of pocket

Who would they quote?

He likes to quote his family, especially The Spine as it is very attached to him as it has experienced similar things as him

What could make them change their mind?

Guilt tripping

Who is the first person they'd call?

The Spine (for reasons above) or maybe Whirligig? (Still trying to decide if Whirli and Lime would date)

How are they around animals?

It LOVES animals! Begged Peter VI to get a dog and grew up with a border collie that worked with Lime at the carnival

What is something they've never told anyone?

His memories of being disassembled (Performance didn’t know she could see it happening)

What are habits they've picked up from other people?

He mimics stances and also quotes shows he likes (∞ autism)

What are their guilty pleasures?

Extremely vulgar and loud music

What is something they're staunchly against?

Victim blaming, gaslighting, animal abuse, discrimination, etc.

Do they speak a certain way?

It expresses some signs of vocal tics, like mimicking ambulances (“weewoo!”) and sometimes small things he’s picked up from shows or games (games with Spine and some of his fanbot friends, has specifically picked up the Talking Ben “no” noise)

Can they fall in love?

Uhhhhmm, maybe Whirli, gay robots kissing yay

What would they rather die than do?

Go back to Performance Robotics

What is their biggest mistake?

Traveling the carnival

CABINET FILING FACTS

Found his abandon prototype in the basement one time after hearing metallic clicking, was so disgusted by the sight he didn’t come up for 3 days

Yeah, uhm, I’ll develop this lore more eventually with the whole Performance shit and stuff eventually.

[rebornofstars]

king of hyrule: a clumsy analysis, ch1.

for @toyouhellohowareyou, @nyastri, and @starwolfie, who asked for a director's commentary on king of hyrule.... i've never done one of these before but i've always wanted to try!! we'll see how it goes. warning: i have given myself permission to ramble. hard tw for descriptions of gore under the cut.

also, my deepest apologies to anyone who thought i knew what i was doing at any point.

first i will give context. this fic was given to @across-violet-skies as an (extremely belated) birthday gift... i'd been trying to find out what sort of ideal gift riv would like without actually asking, and so far had received no hints, because i was a coward who wasn't actually asking. then a perfect opportunity fell in my lap! i said "i've never actually written anything from hyrule's perspective" (we are all gracefully ignoring THE VASE), riv said "i love hyrule. if you write hyrule it will 100% go on my to read list", @a-manicured-lawn went straight for the throat with "Hyrule MEETS THE CHAIN MID SACRIFICE"... and then thunder clashed overhead, sealing my fate forever. chat threw evil possessive fae rulie at me and i caught him with both hands. the first thing i wrote in the document was came back wrong.

i opened a new doc. faced with the spine-tingling prospect of writing from a perspective i was not experienced with, i immediately closed the doc. i backtracked to my headcanons file. in the hyrule section, i found this:

his sisters do not seem to know that he was born so large and wingless, but he thinks that maybe they understand better than he does, for joining them feels like shedding his skin for something truer, and even when he puts it back on he can feel it, these days. he can feel where it rubs against his wings underneath, feels like he is hiding in a shell like the hermit crabs of wind’s beaches, like he is only in disguise as human and is really perhaps something else entirely. fairies are mouthless unless they need to be otherwise, in the case of offered sugar water and fruit. they sing more than speak, and it sounds like chimes, and hyrule knows this, it needs no translation, it sings to the boneless ecstasy of this form, of flight and family and the sweetness of being small…

which i quite enjoyed thinking about. the intersection of fairy joy and horror had potential. the alien qualities of magical creatures. i drew from this feeling to cobble together an opening line:

Mouthless, the fairies sing to him. In his dreams they are made of light.

okay, so, this is a solid start, right? i love it.

He wakes from memories of the cold-sweet greenwoods of Twilight’s era to darkness, and for a moment the sound of his brothers’ laughter seems so far away he wonders whether they were a feverish invention...

i aimed for confusion and befuddlement rather than ignorance. he needed to have some sort of expectations for the situation, so i could fuck with his head more effectively 😈

...a flame deep in the cave, a flickering torch, and by it he sees blood.

here we meet fuckup number 1, in the second paragraph because i exceed even my own expectations! the original draft included monsters - because, logically, who put hyrule on the altar? wouldn't they wish to witness the sacrifice? i ended up getting rid of the monsters to eliminate the need for a fight scene (although, PFFFT, i went back there in chapter 2 anyway), but this lonely torch stuck around. it makes no sense. i don't know why i didn't just remove it. i needed the cave to be very dark anyway, so that the chain would have to light a lamp in order to see the damage hyrule's body sustained...

Hyrule reaches out a finger and scoops it up. It tastes of iron. He can’t afford to leave it, out in the open, where…

blood curse!

...the dark wet pool where he’d been laying. Hyrule reaches out with terrible dawning horror and traces the edge of a divot in the stone, a path for the blood that had leaked out of him while he was unconscious, down and down and down until his hand slips off the edge of the altar and sinks into a bowl of soft ashes —

deeply unhappy with this paragraph. dark wet pool, as a description, gets a mediocre 5/7. the stone altar has carved channels for the blood? okay, but why did i not call them channels??? and thirdly, THE ASHES, ALSO KNOWN AS FUCKUP NUMBER 2. THIS IS LIKE, THE ONLY TIME I MENTION THEM IN THE WHOLE STORY. WHAT THE FUCK, PAST ME.

His dreams of light and greenery are quickly becoming murky.

i quite like this sentence, but—

He lowers his hips off the edge, but he can’t feel the floor. There is not enough light to jump. The altar seems to drop away into an abyss.

WHERE! ARE! THE! ASHES! ARE THEY FLOATING??? HOW DID HE FEEL THEM OFF THE EDGE OF THE ALTAR IF ITS SO TALL??? i was having such conflicting mental images when writing this fic. the altar in my head was like... a normal altar height. but i needed it to be taller to explain why he didn't just run away, since i got rid of all the monsters. so i spent the whole three thousand words trying to edit the altar in my head. mostly unsuccessfully.

The skin on his stomach scrapes against rock as he pulls himself back up.

this sentence was about his hip bone. but i hadn't told you about it yet so i had to switch it out for skin. but it's really about his hip bone in my heart. you understand

...tries to draw his knees into his chest on instinct and the twinge becomes a full body shudder—a spike in his side that reverberates down into his thigh, creaking and bending—

this paragraph was originally about real pain. and then a few minutes later, i was like - wouldn't it be better (worse) if there wasn't any pain? then i can focus on the actual horror part of it rather than the injured part of being injured. if that makes any sense. the imagery is also a bit messy. if i was editing, this is one of the paragraphs i would rewrite. sometimes i actually can't believe i put this stuff on the internet. wtf am i doing

...traces the damp skin where his blood had run all the way back to where it started...

i can't even look this sentence in the eye. i did you so dirty, babygirl. you need a comma. or major surgery. maybe both

edit: i did, in fact, go back and add a comma.

...back to the tender flesh of his hip, where he touches something smooth and hard. He strokes it gently with his fingers, exploring in the dark. He finds wet skin, and hot tense muscle.

okay LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!!

Hyrule shivers. He sits quietly with the ghost of what should be pain. Letting it wash over him. The knowledge festers.

something something the horror of placidity when faced with terrible things. something something hyrule has been running from this exact possibility for years and now that it has happened he doesn't know what to do next. something something life after his inevitable sacrifice has never been a possibility for him

He has been bled like an animal for this sacrifice.

ripping this sentence to shreds with my teeth. in a good way. me when characters dehumanise themselves‼️

If he has already bled into the ashes, if he has already been sacrificed, how is he still awake? How is he still alive?

this is me asking myself this question, by the way. at this point i still didn't really have any idea what was happening beyond "let's fuck em up"

Where is Ganon? Unless—

and then i was like, aha. there is something here that i can work with. you are watching me figure this fic out in real time.

...finds skin; hands reaching up from the ground, fingers just reaching the altar. He grasps them, weak. They are hot. Or maybe it is just that his own pulse is cold and slow? He feels faint.

reaching twice in the same sentence? i'm going to travel back in time and break all my fingers before i can hit post. that wasn't intentional. also, the hands were originally cold, and hyrule felt very hot, because like... fury and anger and evil, u know? temperatures rise with a fever? he's sick from the possession? but then later on i wanted legend to be warm with the triforce, and i realised that it made more sense for hyrule to be cold like a corpse. so i changed it.

He bites his lip. So what if he bleeds? What could it matter now?

hopelessness. lack of urgency. he (and i) are both starting to get an idea of what is happening.

“LIGHT!” Legend shouts. “I FOUND HIM! WE NEED LIGHT—are you hurt?”

legend's so cute when he's stressed out. i say this in a demonic writerly way 🥰

“A darkness looms in this cavern,” Four’s voice says distantly. “Something is shrouding the torches. They’re lit, but… the light is stifled.” “I feel it,” Time agrees. “Evil is here.”

where tf is everyone else? i ask myself. ensemble stories are difficult, because they shift the tone. i need to keep the focus solely on legend and hyrule, so [throws glitter] now you're all wandering around in the dark!!

Sorry, sorry,” he says again, feeling the heat inside him shift and writhe. “It wakes. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m—”

this is the point where i was like, hell yes, he has ganon inside him. also, meet fuckup number 3. i forgot to get rid of the heat motif. he's supposed to be cold now. whoops.

“Sorry for what?” Legend cries. His hands flutter at the edge of the tall altar, empty, searching. 

in which i remind myself that the altar is supposed to be tall.

Hyrule curls his palm over his heart and wishes to wake from a dream. Nothing happens. He traces the familiar scar with the fingers of the opposite hand. It’s cold and light and empty . Why is it cold? Where is the tr—

first reference to the triforce. heavy-handed, but i needed to make sure everyone was on the same page. he doesn't have it anymore. also, i use the rich text box to post to ao3, and it always adds a space after italicised text, which is mildly annoying.

The path that led through the cold-sweet greenwoods, and laughter that quickly turned to shouts of fear and the ring of steel on steel. The ambush. His flaming sword. Legend, turning for a moment to protect Warriors’ back, and the Darknut that launched itself from behind a moblin towards him—

backstory! and a reference to the first paragraph, because i was really enjoying the phrase "cold-sweet greenwoods". an antithesis to everything currently happening (or at least, it was when hyrule still had his heat motif). "his flaming sword" is hyrule's fire spell. i picked a monster at random.

His hand comes away wet from his chest. He can’t feel anything.

i decided he was going to be impaled even before i decided he was going to be possessed 🥰 it wasn't in the brief but sometimes... sometimes you just gotta sheath a sword in someones chest. u know. u kn—

“I’m not Hyrule anymore,” he says.

and then i was like. you know what would make this worse? what if i trick everyone. what if ganon and hyrule's perspectives are hopelessly entwined? what if there's no way of knowing how much is hyrule and how much is ganon? what if this was actually ganon?

and so this is where i started to have lots and lots of fun. and we get into the gore.

His heart. He is touching his own heart. It beats still. That’s not a good sign.

a bit of casualness among the heavy descriptions! a bit of levity for your brain! also, hyrule(?)'s slow, burgeoning panic? i'm chewing on it. if i do say so myself.

Hyrule’s body withdraws his wrist from the inside of his own chest. How deep does the wound go? If there was light, would Legend be able to see the other side of the altar through him?

i was oddly captivated by this idea that legend would be able to see through his chest. this is also our FIRST use of "hyrule's body" replacing "hyrule" as the perspective character! this transition was something a lot of people loved, and i am very glad i went ahead with it. the idea didn't come to me until the night before posting, and i almost discarded it because it made some sentences clunky.

“You know it,” Hyrule’s body says gently. He cups his hand around the veteran’s face, red-stained nails just lightly pressing against skin, wondering what would happen if he dug them into that soft flesh. “You know it, don’t you? You saw that wound. Nothing could survive that.” “You’re not a thing,” Legend objects from under his palm.

once again, me and characters dehumanising themselves. not a huge focus but it complements the ganon/rulie identity issues nicely.

hyrule's always been a "do not go gentle into that good night" sort of character to me - the idea of him so fatalistic? so hopeless? alarm bells are screeching. something is wrong. SOMETHING IS WRONG

the uncomfortable intimacy begins.

“I think I am,” Hyrule’s body says. “I am a corpse.”

this has really got to be one of the most fun lines in the whole thing.

...flinches back, grip tightening on Legend’s face, dragging him forward until he is pressed against the altar.

underestimating the height of the altar, the sequel.

“Finally. We can see,” someone says. “That took forever. Where’s Legend?”

who? is the character omitted because it's not important, or because hyrule's body doesn't immediately know? the legend fixation is rearing its ugly head 🥰

...and Hyrule’s body is saddened but unsurprised to see tears on his face. They glisten like silver stars.

it took me literally twenty minutes to remember what this sentence was supposed to mean, if you're wondering how brain dead i am right now. anyway, it's genuine sadness, not patronising sadness. it's the part of hyrule that still lives and hurts to see a brother grieving. in a way, this is the only moment in the story that hyrule allows himself to properly mourn, and it's through the lens of his relationship with legend.

Their clothes are unstained, faces tense but clean of blood. In this unholy place, from this altar, their wholeness seems hideous.

i like this bit. it widens the gap between them. makes things a bit more real, a bit darker. presenting the chain as alien emphasises rulie's stance as an unreliable narrator. SOMETHING IS WRONG!!

Somehow, he does not care so much anymore about the mess. He is numb. The stone altar almost feels comfortable to his sensationless legs. He moves, and bone scrapes against the stone. 

this paragraph doesn't quite do what i wanted it to do. it's not raw enough. but it has potential.

...drinks the noise in, heart quickening. Another wave of blood paints itself over his chest.

i'm mortal enemies with this last sentence. i scratched it and rewrote it five times. still not happy.

He flashes his eyes into the dark, where the Chain lurk, unwilling to step closer, faced with such a spectre. A corpse. A king, woken.

the eye flash was important to me. i was thinking about how many nocturnal animal eyes reflect light? the inherent creepiness of blank glowy eyes. also subtle dehumanisation. and ganon begins to enter the story consciousness - a king, woken.

“You were too late to save Hyrule. You chose to protect Warriors instead.”

this was a largely unnecessary plot point. i don't know. i think i was just trying to increase the tension between legend and hyrule. highlight how off the gentle intimacy between them was. they weren't codependent before. they weren't a perfectly synced pair. and now...

Hyrule’s body looks at him and thinks with a deep, all-encompassing revulsion, mine. All mine.

had to make sure i was hitting that 'possessive rulie' button! i've never written a possessive character before so it took a bit of wobbling before i committed. "how weird am i acceptably allowed to make this?" i was thinking.

Hyrule’s body smears the blood lovingly over him: letting it trace the ghost of his silver tears over his cheeks and nose. Rubbing it gently into his forehead. He hushes him.

replacing the tears with blood -> replacing the grief with fear -> replacing the love with something more terrible. also, characters doing horrible unspeakable things very calmly and gently makes me shiver.

Legend sobs again and tries to pull away, but a dead man’s grip is stronger than stinging iron, and Legend himself is weak and trembling. Barely more than a rabbit under his fingers. He wonders, detached, what it would feel like to snap that neck. What it would sound like. The crunch of bone.

stinging iron! fae reference. dead man! enforcing that corpse idea. rabbit! we know this one. the intrusive thoughts are not winning yet, but they're getting closer.

He giggles, and squeezes Legend until he squeaks. “I forgot you all were here,” he confides cheerfully.

i had a lot of fun with this. the happy cutesy language!! the most effective kind of horror, for me, has always been when something awful is sort of... not quite in focus. there, but not fully understood. happening in the background, or right under your nose while you're concentrating on something else. very casual. very normal. very scary.

“But he’s mine,” Hyrule’s body says reasonably. The torch flickers as a slight breeze passes through the cavern. He feels it whistle through his chest and twitches. Warriors’ eyes are wide and afraid. Hyrule’s body grins and licks his bitten lips, painting his canines with blood. “What are you?” the captain breathes.

and this is when i was like, fuck ganon/rulie's identity crisis, why didn't i write this from someone else's perspective??? HOW AWFUL WOULD IT HAVE BEEN??? WHAT ARE THE REST OF THE CHAIN THINKING??? WHAT DOES HYRULE LOOK LIKE??? his detachment, while working well to create tone and pacing, really made it hard to convey the horror of his appearance.

to my great joy, all my dreams were later answered in Hero of Hyrule, Knight of Hyrule, and Founder of Hyrule.

“Oh, were you trying to say something?” he asks, with his best manners. “Go on. You can do it.”

the CONDESCENSION. i then realised what i was about to make him do, and ran back to riv, asking how gorey the fic was allowed to be. "i can change it. it's not too late," i said... "i am so curious," riv replied. so i continued.

and here we go:

...lips pressed tightly together against the blood, which coats his mouth and the skin around it. It looks like he’s taken a bite right out of Hyrule’s flesh, he thinks. It suits him...

i am making things WEIRD and i am making things WORSE. i have nothing to say for myself. it's intentionally uncomfortable.

Hyrule’s body pats his tongue. “There we are! That wasn’t so hard.”

this is one of those sentences that was worsened by the switch to "hyrule's body". but i'm on a roll now. the next few paragraphs mostly consist of me grinning evilly to myself.

...waits, fingers clamped across Legend’s nose, until the man swallows, shivering. His eyes are glazed. Drying blood clumped in the lashes. Hyrule’s body coos. This was his big brother, once.

this is really the point in which legend's agency is completely gone from hyrule's perspective. he ceases to become a player - whether that's because of the way hyrule has succeeded in taking all control from him, or because of ganon/rulie's further mental spiral, who knows? and i just threw that brother line in there to hurt you. of course.

“Ru—Rulie would n—never do this,” someone else agrees, voice breaking. Legend whines an agreement.

even though i'm having a great time writing a darker, more horrific hyrule, i retain the belief that the heroes are each fundamentally good people. my main doubt with this fic is that i don't think i'm straddling that line very well. i mean... after all...

“I already told you I wasn’t Hyrule,” Hyrule’s body says. He squeezes Legend again to coax more pained sounds from him. What is he feeling? Does it hurt? He feels the numb bone of his hip grind against the altar as he moves. The cold point of Warriors’ sword presses softly into his chest. The pressure is almost welcome compared to the gaping emptiness of his wound. “You can taste it, right? You can tell?”

the trusty old obsession with legend manifests itself as jealousy, for a brief moment.

here we see my second attempt at describing bone scraping on stone. it's marginally better.

you guessed it baby, it's the impaling thing again!! if he can't feel pain, does he think of it only as an absence? a lack? there is a metaphor here that i'm not touching but it's in the room with us. it's in the room.

blood curse. right. that's where we're going

Legend jerks in his hold. He laughs delightedly.

now we're getting it!

“Yes, brave one,” he croons, “that’s what the ashes were for. Except I didn’t have enough of a body left to really inhabit , so I borrowed this one. Oh, he bled so nicely for me. It was beautiful.”

those FUCKING ASHES!!! WHY DID I NEGLECT THEM!!! also watch me stickytape an explanation for the possession together in real time

“Didn’t even have to tie him down,” he says gleefully. “He only woke up once during the whole thing, and I guess he figured you’d left him for dead, because he just laid back down. Placid as a lamb, that one, in the end. So easy , when he realised he couldn’t do anything to stop what had already been started…”

is hyrule's body lying? who am i to say (yes yes i know, but). whatever the truth of that dark moment was, i really love this little speech. the idea of him mock-comforting legend with a sugar-sweet description of his own death does something to me. the way he presents himself as helpless. the way he presents himself as unheroic. as giving up. is this hyrule or ganon talking? does it matter?

“STOP IT!” someone screeches. “STOP IT! DON’T SAY THAT!”

i had to keep stopping and going back to add in bits where the chain could talk. whatever fucked-up thing was happening between legend and hyrule had even me constantly forgetting that everyone was right there witnessing it. and when i did remember i had to stop and shriek and wonder whether i'd ever have the guts to post this on the internet.

“BECAUSE I HAVE WOKEN. I HAVE BEEN REBORN. I AM GANON, KING OF HYRULE!”

title drop. every time i read this sentence i get jumpscared by the first bit of my username. the speech pattern is also very clunky. 2/7.

Silence falls for a moment. The torch sputters. 

that fucking torch!!! i'm going to commit a murder.

...and, unwilling to let go of Legend for some inexplicable reason, Hyrule’s body instead lets himself sink down onto the sword. His ribs crunch. The blade enters at an angle but then slots neatly into the hole already there—he slides down the steel, still laughing, until the crossguard presses across his chest.

this paragraph and the start of the next had some good ideas and poor execution. i'm playing around with the 'wound as an absence, a loss' thing again. filled by the sword, by violence. that other metaphor is still hanging around. i'm pointedly not touching it. and ganon/rulie places legend above himself. or is it that he places his control of legend above the physical condition of a body he enjoys injuring, to watch the chain squirm? that's the question, isn't it? is this an act of cruelty or protection?

...scrapes against the walls of his heart, tears his lungs ragged. Fresh blood bubbles into the wound and runs, dripping, off the end of the blade. Legend is crying.

blood & tears.

He can’t stop laughing in this dead boy’s voice. He is back. He is finally free. No longer trapped in blood—no longer suppressed by that triforce— his broken knees sag as he hunts them through the dark—

i just wrote him jumping down like a normal person (underestimating the height of the altar, the sequel's sequel), and then my fingers produced "his broken knees sag as he hunts them through the dark" in response to a personal inquiry as to what ganon/rulie's movement would look like and i was like, FUCK, okay, well, this has to be in it. so i broke his knees.

“Which of you has it?” he says suddenly, snapping his head around as he tracks their movement. His neck crunches. The sword in his chest slows him down. He isn’t bothered to remove it. Behind him, Legend retches, curled into himself on the floor.

how will this end? i asked myself. aha: a wish on the triforce. not too much of a deus ex machina, right? it's literally canon. so this is the point when i went back and added in that earlier stuff about the triforce. there's also a half-hearted broken neck in this paragraph. if i had the change to go back, i'd either elaborate on that or cut it entirely. i was too caught up at the time in wondering how to wrap the story up to pay attention to the details. my bad, guys.

The group exchanges glances, unwilling. He pounces on the nearest and shakes him against the ground, climbing atop the man and snarling in his face like a creature. “WHERE IS IT?”

does ganon/rulie know who this is? does he care?

As he leans over, Warriors’ sword begins to ooze back out of his chest. It slips down until the pommel touches the hero’s sternum. Like an axle it balances between them. He is a sheath for the blade. He is the meat on the skewer. He touches his forehead, leaving bloody splotches behind. Where are these thoughts coming from? He is not—he is more—he is GANON, RIGHTFUL KING OF HYRULE.

an interesting visual here, and not one that i'm convinced i pulled off. but i have been informed that the internal conflict was very good, which is comforting.

“Kill him, then,” says Warriors suddenly. There is an outcry from the others.

i wrote this without really thinking about where it would go, but i'm VERY happy i did. everything clicked into place. there could be a sort of standoff - ganon/rulie's dissonance would be exposed - then something and something else and then the end. i was getting close.

“You said he was yours,” Warriors says. “Why would Ganon say that?” He pauses. Hyrule looks back at Legend. He gets off the floor. 

this, wars my beloved, is a VERY GOOD POINT. he's the only person with a single useful thought in his head.

The blood and puke squelches under his bare feet as he walks back across the room to Legend.

i was pretty happy with this sentence for no good reason. it feels like a child to me. a disgusting, vomit-y child. maybe i'm just proud i managed to remember that legend threw up. keeping track of details is one of my most important goals in writing.

The wet tip of the blade touches the side of his neck. Simple and so—tantalising. Hyrule’s body can picture it. He can picture—

the internal conflict gets a change to shine. also i just love the contrast in the way ganon/rulie touches and thinks about legend. neither entirely separate. thoughts and actions bleeding into each other emotionally but not physically - he's holding back. he's been holding back this entire time.

But wouldn’t it be better if he—he has been so careful not to break Legend. So gentle. He has let him taste. Helped him understand what was happening—explained, kindly—let himself sink down with a squelch onto the sword—only thought about peeling back the skin from Legend’s face with his fingernails. Left the grinning muscle and bone safe in its flesh wrappings and protected— He stops.

i really love this bit. it was a joy to write. gentle horrors, once again. well-meaning destruction.

“See?” says Warriors. He sounds quietly smug. Hyrule’s body snarls. He wants to rip his arms off. Chew through muscle and tendon and nerve with his teeth—snap him bone by bone—he wants to haul him up onto the altar and keep him still and quiet and safe while his minions take over the world—he grips his forehead—what is happening to him—

my love for the em dash cannot be contained. i'm working on it, i promise, but it's easy and so tasty

Hyrule’s body looks. He finds himself with one hand cupped around Legend’s cheek, Legend pressing into the touch despite himself.

yeahh........ i fucked them up.

“I don’t—” he starts. “I SHOULD KILL YOU.” “But you won’t,” Legend rasps.

i'm not sure where i fall on the capitalised dialogue issue. (YES, i KNOW, it was ME who wrote it.) it goes a long way in emphasising power, magnitude, other-ness of the possession... but sometimes i squint at it and it seems a little camp. i guess that's not my problem anymore, though, unless i decide to write another ch—

“There you are,” Legend says. His mouth flickers into a smile. 

his agency is taken back. the culmination of something (of 20 days of bashing my head into a keyboard)

He pushes up to his feet, half-dried blood soggy on his face and matted in his hair—he stretches up to his full height, scabbed knees and dirty tunic and— His hand is so hot on Hyrule’s own that it burns. Legend blinks. Suddenly his irises are gold.

yes, i thought. yes, yes, yes, home run—wait, fuck, i don't know how the fucking triforce actually works—

“I wish to seal away Ganon once more,” Legend says. “So that Link, Hero of Hyrule, will be safe from harm.”

seven google searches and one plea to discord later, i say fuck it we ball. he's going to wish like a disney princess. it's part of the charm of the franchise, these cute fairytale elements, i say, as i frantically mop the blood off the floor

The torch roars higher. He sees a single tear on Legend’s face amongst the blood, shining like a silver star in the firelight. Darkness overtakes him—pain, suddenly, finally, spikes—

TORCH. 🪦

For a moment the sounds of the cavern seem so far away he wonders whether he is being tortured by a feverish invention. An echo. A might-have-been.  Then everything fades.

how do you write a proper conclusion to your essay? just rephrase the introduction/thesis. easy. what? that doesn't work with fic? surely you're mistaken. behold.

so here we are! this post has been a journey and a half. if you have genuinely read this entire thing, my life is yours. i had so much fun writing this fic, and i hope from the bottom of my heart you have at least mildly enjoyed me rambling about the creation of it. this story could never have existed without the wonderful egging-on of my friends 🥰🥰🥰 thank you for coming to my tedtalk

[truedarkhunter]

Hannah Annafellows - secretly the main character of Black Butler Season 2?

Here we go again. I've been digging around in my notes and looking at Hannah Annafellows, one of the least liked characters in Black Butler. What is there to like? She is one of the few female characters and all she does is get degraded and it felt uncomfortable to watch. However, we have another bored demon who comes across a child who is trembling with fear, but cheerfully greets her anyway. What does he want? To ask her help not for himself, not for riches, fame, power, or anything people normally ask for. No, he wants the happiness of someone else. Having never encountered such selflessness, she is intrigued and agrees to make his wish come true. Luca thinks that will happen by destroying the town that grieves him and his brother so much. Easily done. She and the triplets cause a fire and kill everyone who acted against the brothers...save a few poor boys who were in a similar situation or took pity on them. Hannah says it is done and Luca THANKS HER. In all the years she had done contracts with humans not one thanked her. Why would they? She would be their ultimate end. Fear, anger, resignation, those would be common, but gratitude? Not for their demise, the oblivion that Ciel appears to be seeking to escape what happened to him and his brother, but for being so kind as to help them. This changes her. It affects her strongly and deeply. The Kuroshitsuji Fandom site says she cried as she devoured Luca. She could not break the deal either, but instead of 'digesting' Luca, she kept his soul stored inside her. She went to see the happiness of his brother, to insure her side of the bargain had been well kept...only to see him in distress over the loss of Luca. He had his wish, bought by another, yet wasn't happy? This probably threw her for a loop. For her part, she would have been given a great gift-something new that in thousands of years she hadn't experienced, yet would not have felt she had executed her part in kind. So she contemplated how to achieve happiness for this mortal for whom nothing seemed to bring joy. He gained wealth, power, even some fame as an Earl, but it did not fill him. He wanted his brother which she could not give. He would not join Luca in "heaven" so she needed to get him to make a pact with her. That was a tricky business since he also contracted with Claude. We saw that Sebastian was unable to complete his contract when he didn't have both the soul and the body. So she took Alois/Jim's physical eye which would look like a mere repayment of the indignity visited upon her to Claude. Thus their whispered pact as he lay dying could take hold. Why was it possible? Claude abandoned his pact with Alois. He mislead his master about the truth of who started the fire and then got bored with taking revenge upon Sebastian. Even with Sebastian, he broke that pact as well, because Ciel is just so darn tasty!

Anyway, so Hannah had the body in the form of Alois’ eye.  Claude had the soul in the ring, but cared not to eat it, rather trying to alchemically merge (another version of the merging theme) the two souls so he could claim the tastier one of Ciel.  Alois wanted Claude’s regard, so Hannah pointed out that Claude DID acknowledge Alois/Jim before dying. That allowed Alois to gain his happiness and Hannah was then able to allow herself and them to die to reach Nirvana where there would be no sense of self, and eternal happiness.  Her trials were those of the demon who followed the monk to learn how to rise up spiritually.  She quested not for herself, but for both of the boys and even tried to redeem Claude. Over the course of the show, the only one that actually grew and changed their nature was Hannah. So it is odd to discover that the story was actually hers. There are legends of demons in Japan following monks and Buddhism to reach enlightenment. I suspect that is similarly what was in play here. She suffered not only for Alois/Jim's pleasure, but to redeem her actions so she could reach that place of Nirvana for them all in the end. That's why she suffers silently, does not meet anger and pain with more of the same. She sought to end the cycle. I still don't like her character, but changing the lens certainly allows a better perspective to understand her and write her with agency. Her agency was the choice not to act, but to show humility and kindness. I think the tale told from her perspective, with more of her mental thoughts available to the audience would make an interesting one. Oh, and we know that the demon's names mean something. The other spelling of her name was Hannah Annafeloz. I tried looking up "feloz demon" and got a correction for "feliz demon", clicked on it and what did I get? Mephistopheles. Reading the Wikipedia page on it, that name is a Greek compound of "love" and a negation term. So Hannah's arc goes from "no love" to "loving". Her pact is the actual Faustian pact but turning the tale completely around from destruction to enlightenment. Interesting stuff, no? https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mephistopheles

[beeeinyourbonnet]

Fic asks: 17, 41, 57 :)

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

I'm gonna talk about this for like, probably longer than necessary, but some backstory xD As some people might know, I was a super prolific rumbelle/anyelle writer Back in the Day and I looked back recently and I was writing/posting like...thousands of words a day. Which I didn't even realize how much it was. I had the Feelings I guess and writing was full of joy and delight! And then I experienced a Major Life Upheaval and I stopped having the time to write and then the ideas dried up and then the creativity dried up and I have been in a funk for most of that time since. So my goal has basically always been "get back into writing and have ideas again" and the main thing that got me out of my major funk was playing DND xD Getting to exercise the same creative muscle in a different way was SUPER helpful. I also like. Went on to get my masters degree and become a professional editor and get back into reading and stuff, but DND was the answer xD

For more not-existential situations, like I can't figure out where a story is going, I usually just set it down and let it Marinate. I rely heavily on my own internal story clock and vibe checks to write (which is like. not something I recommend? xD but here we are) so I just kind of wait and vibe and mull until the Feelings are right. This is an unhelpful answer but it's the one I've got xD

41. Do you tend to reread fics or are you a one-and-done kind of person?

I absolutely reread fics xD I reread fics all the time. Also long covid borked my memory so now I have to reread my own fics 4029748 times if I want to remember all the details.

57. Do you prefer editing as you write, or waiting until it’s finished?

I...have a lot of opinions on this xD Due to being an editor by day, I try to live by the philosophy that I give clients, which is "only edit as much as does not keep you from writing." So I will go over what I've written and tinker a bit but I don't make any major edits while writing, CAVEAT unless it's a major change like adding/removing a character where I can't bring myself to write until it's fixed, and then I will fix it x] I will say this mostly applies to original fiction, bc with fanfiction, I don't like making major structural edits and will usually just try to incorporate any plot I lay down xDDD And I used to just finish and post immediately but now I like to have at least a day to go over what I've written and tinker/edit, but I REALLY prefer to have a long backlog so that I can make larger adjustments if necessary. ANYWAY the main goal is not to get stuck in editing purgatory xD

[honorary-knight-of-favonius]

Hi There 👋

I wanted to request for a genshin smut, where yae miko x fem reader fingering and teasing the reader and a mention of yae using electro element while fingering her, idk why but i just imagined this in my head and it looks like a cool idea😅 i really can't wait to see someone write about this

All the love ❤️❤️

Best Birthday Ever

Summary: It's Miko's first birthday that isn't spent working, or doing house chores after ending her relationship with the unbothered Ei. She now is being celebrated for being alive and spoiled by her new girlfriend and she decides to pain her back in pleasure.

Tags: Female!Reader, Undefined roles, Lesbian Sex, electricity play, Cunninglings, Fingering, Scissoring, spoiled Miko, slight aftercare.

I sighed, it had been several hours that I had spent in this bookstore as my darling, pink and prettied girlfriend browsed the numerous shelves she would occasionally come back to me and hand me books she wished to get before hurrying back to hunt down the best ones. I currently had a stack of seven books by me as she returned from her fourth search. 

“I found more!” she beamed happily, I smiled, Miko was oftentimes a temptress that aroused me beyond belief but here, on her birthday where I decided to take her out to dinner and a bookstore along with a movie she never lost her child-like smile as she danced happily at her finds. 

“What are they about?” I ask

“Well some of them are the basic romance stories or classical hero stuff but this one, I’m most excited for this one!” Miko said, showing me a cover from the book on top of her three. I smiled and took it from her. 

“What’s got you excited about this one?” I ask

Miko quickly sat next to me with her other two books on her lap, “It’s a book set in old japanese times that discusses the love that blossoms between a knight and the queen. Apparently the king is always with his concubines that the king forgets about his wife, the queen ends up falling in love with her guardian knight that- happens to be a woman disguised as a man.” Miko explained. 

“I pretty sure I’m thinking of Chinese women, but weren’t Japenese women able to learn how to fight?” I ask

“It was china that had female warriors. But anyways, the book has suspense, love, and from reviews it also explains how both women experienced pleasure from each other’s body,” She whispered the last part to me, “ And don’t even get me started on the murder arc!” Miko squealed, I chuckled and pet her before having her lay her head against me. 

“I hate to cut your hunt short but we do have a movie to catch.” I say, she giggled softly before nuzzling her face into my neck. 

“I was wondering when you’d ask me to stop.” Miko said.

“Shall we go check out?” She hummed and gathered some of her books as did I. We quickly checked out and the moment we were out of the store she bounced so happily that her tail revealed itself from the pure joy she was feeling. When we got in the car she hugged the bags still having the biggest smile. When we got to the movies Miko hugged my arm and though I don’t believe it was unconscious she did wrap her fluffy tail around me. I got our tickets and concession snacks before I was dragged into the movie and to my shared seat. The movie was about some Oni story that I didn’t entirely get but Miko was excited about it so I didn’t mind the confusion. When the movie ended Miko was cuddling up to me and she was increasingly clingy. 

“Sleepy vixen?” I ask

“No~ I’m happy.” She corrected, “Y’know out of all my birthdays I had spent with. . .Ei. She never did anything like this for me. If I’m being honest my birthday hasn’t been something I celebrated with her, I-I mean she didn’t really do anything with me. I-If I’m being honest I was surprised you asked me to get dressed up, I didn’t expect anything today.” I sighed and hugged Miko. 

“Princess, you are not Ei’s Girlfriend anymore. You are my girlfriend, I will always spoil you so never expect anything less. Alright princess?” I say

“Y-yes,” I planted a kiss on her forehead before taking her hand and leading her back to the car. Miko was quiet to a concerning point but instead whenever I looked back her tail was swaying happily and she’d make small yips of happiness that she tried to conceal by using a hand on her mouth. When we got to the car I was about to start the car to head to dinner but Miko quickly pounced and planted her lips on mine.

Her kiss wasn’t like the many others she had started, in fact she was reckless, she was being clumsy and so messy but neither the less she was passionate and rough. She pulled away out of breath, she panted slightly before looking at me, “C-can we skip dinner and go home?” Miko asked

“Aren’t you hungry?” I ask

“I am. . .but not for food.” I flushed at the realization and nodded, she smiled and I drove us home. The moment we got inside our shared apartment Miko had me pushed up to a wall and her lips were back on mine as her hands were on my hips pulling me in closer. 

Though sex with Miko before has felt good, it never felt this good and she was only kissing me. When we pulled away Miko’s pink tongue was out as she panted along with her sharp teeth I loved the sight of. When she finally caught her breath. 

“W-wanna see a magic trick?” She asked, I nodded slowly and Miko quickly dragged me to the couch and got on her knees. She quickly took off my pants and panties before she held my thighs open. Before she started she looked up at me. 

“If I hurt you tell me.” I nodded petting her before she dove into my cunt the was soaked, though it felt the same as it did when she ate me out previously only mere seconds after that thought I felt a spark, though it wasn’t painful, more kept happening all these sparks were concentrated on my clit and I don’t remember a time I had ever orgasmed that fast. When Miko pulled away I saw what looked like electrical sparks coming from her tongue. 

“Are you ok?” Miko quickly asked. 

“Are you?” I ask

“Huh? I-I’m ok. . .More than ok, despite changing my techniques this made you cum faster and harder than ever.” she smiled, before tilting her head, “Why wouldn’t I be ok?” She asked

“T-the sparks from your tongue.” I say

“Oh! Hehehe, that’s my magic trick. Here.” Miko opened her mouth and showed me how the lighting was in her mouth before it went to her tongue and was focused on it. 

“T-that doesn’t hurt?” I ask

“I’ve been able to do this since I was little all I’ve ever felt from it is a little ticklish.” I sighed and pet her, “do you mind if we keep going?” I shook my head and was forced to lay down on the couch as Miko positioned her fingers to tease my clit. I went to reach out and cup hers but she took my hand and pinned it down before stimulating my clit until I was ready to take her fingers, when I did those sparks were stronger, more enjoyable, and she was in fact making me even more wet to the point I was ruining the couch, but I felt a pressure in my stomach. Miko smirked as I gushed out, completely ruining our couch with my giant squirt. 

“F-fuck Miko. You made me destroy our couch.” I sighed. 

“Hehe, I’ll clean my mess. But I still want to get you to cum one more time, think you can?” Miko asked

“Yeah, anymore than that I might pass out.” Miko giggled before she got rid of her panties and tangled our lower halves together. Miko began grinding her cunt into mine slowly but passionately. 

“F-fuck Miko, shit you feel. . .” Miko laughed and sped up to a mind numbing point, in fact as her moans echoed through the apartment I listened intently as she sang a beautiful tune that only helped me get off even more. Miko was breaking my mind and it was hard to make sense of anything until I untied that final knot just as Miko did, having our bodies convulse which only overstimulated us more until Miko finally moved to lay her head on my chest. 

“Best birthday ever.” Miko hummed as her tail swished before her stomach growled. She looked sheepishly at me before asking, “can we order pizza?” I hummed and Miko smiled, sneakily taking my phone and ordering pizza before snuggling into me. 

I am so sorry it took so long for me to finally get around and write this, life is hectic right now and I've been in a slump but nonetheless I hope you all enjoyed this!

[chosetherose]

maybe i'm just a clueless millennial who avoids most social media, but i don't understand why showing travis in a tiktok is making people freak out? we've been seeing them together, holding hands and kissing ("kissing") for months and they talk about each other in interviews... why does flashing a second of him on her tiktok account make it more "official" or whatever? i'm not trying to be insensitive to the people who are upset by this thing, i'm just trying to understand the significance of this.

I think it’s notable because Taylor usually only posts on social media for business reasons. Even when she’s sharing a photo that seems personal, she’s most likely sharing it for promo. Her bearding antics are typically left off social media. For context, Swifties were so thirsty for Toe content they would practically weep with joy when she posted a photo of herself from was in the same place he had already posted a photo from or vice versa. That was the extent of it, crumbs here and there to keep people hooked on a years long “private relationship” where Taylor didn’t have to physically be seen near him very often.

Now, Tayvis has been laying it on thick at all these games…going so completely overboard that it’s become a running joke with mainstream American who didn’t pay much attention to her before. She sailed past overexposed a while ago. Reminiscent of the Calvin Harris and Tom Huddleston days (which admittedly I wasn’t here for but rather experienced as a mainstream fan).

Anyway, she hadn’t put 🚜 on her social media before the Super Bowl afterparty. The question is why do it? Like you said she’s been at these games cringe smooching him for all the cameras to see. Why add a TikTok? The only reason I can think of, and I haven’t thought much about it, is to change the narrative from her cringing at his ridiculous Viva Las Vegas speech to her making a joke with him being goofy at the afterparty. Who knows. But it strays from the norm and there is a reason for it.

[bohemian-rhapsody-in-blue]

Beboptober Day 31: Pumpkinhead

Thanks, as ever, to @thestarlightsymphony for the prompt list…of what may as well be called Bebop-une at this point! I want to FINALLY finish all the Beboptober prompts—as out-of-season as this one may be!—so I can turn my energy to the lovely @bebopcrew’s 30-Day Writing Challenge for the month of July.

Fittingly enough, this fic is inspired by the work of @aldreantreuperi, one of the lovely admins of the Bebop Crew server—specifically, by THEIR final fanfic for Beboptober, taking place during Cowboy Bebop: The Movie—Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door and detailing how Jet carved Ed’s pumpkin mask and watched Ed construct her Halloween costume. I wanted to write some of that same scene from Ed’s point of view! Their fic, in turn, was inspired by @jetspikepub sharing the pictures from the brochure that came with the movie!

Also, tomorrow I’ll probably publish my collected Beboptober fics on AO3 and publish a link to them! (Update: Here’s the link!)

And with this, and after far too many months, I bid a fond farewell to Beboptober…

Ed strode into the Bebop’s storage bay decisively, Ein following closely beside her. They took a look around the area, piled high with sealed boxes, baskets, and crates, then immediately began searching through whatever was readily accessible. The two of them were on the hunt for anything that would make Ed the perfect Halloween costume—paired, of course, with the jack-o’-lantern that Jet, back in the kitchen, was carving out of the great big pumpkin he’d procured and that she’d already resolved to wear over her head. What was Halloween without a mask, after all?

She had carefully sketched out the design she wanted for the jack-o’-lantern’s face, and as Jet carved it, he’d sent her off to find other supplies for a costume. She was exultant with joy, already imagining running out into the streets of Alba City to trick-or-treat, snack on deliciously sweet candy, and see the big parade that filled the streets with big balloons and costumed revelers—a Halloween celebration the likes of which Ed had never before experienced.

But before she did all of that, she’d need a proper costume.

The first thing she gravitated towards was a huge sombrero with a wide brim. Ed liked the colorful pattern around the inside, but when she plopped it down onto her head, it promptly slipped right over her eyes. It took a bit of blind groping for her to get the thing off. No way would that work with the jack-o’-lantern mask she was planning. Farther into the storage bay, she discovered a pair of ruby-red stilettos that had probably belonged to Faye at one point. The heel of one of the shoes had broken off, and now the pair lay broken and discarded. But this didn’t stop Ed from slipping her bare feet into the shoes anyway and taking a few tentative steps, wobbly and uneven. However, it didn’t take long for her to kick the shoes off her feet, sending them sailing back into the oblivion of the storage bay. They probably wouldn’t have been much fun to trick-or-treat in, anyway.

She rifled through a few more boxes, some of which produced interesting finds—including a tie that looked like one of Spike’s, ballpoint pens that still had a bit of ink in them, some wires and cords that she’d have to remember to plug into Tomato to see if they fit, and the old holographic chessboard (she thought they’d lost it after her week-long chess game with the old chessmaster, Hex!)—but none of which were promising as supplies to use for her costume. She was about to give up and look elsewhere on the ship when Ein began sniffing at an old cardboard box, then barking at what he found. Ed bounded over and pulled out the object at the top of the box, and her face immediately lit up. “Great find, Ein!” she said, and the dog barked in appreciation.

Ein had uncovered an old piece of cloth, possibly some scrap material from an old blanket or jacket. Ed knew immediately what she could use it for: a cape! It was a dark turquoise color and would reach down to just past her bottom when worn on her back, and it was the perfect article to pair with her jack-o’-lantern mask to make practically any kind of costume she could imagine. And as a bonus, if she slung it across her back, it worked well for carrying the pumpkin when she wasn’t wearing it! She wasted no time in tying it around her neck and imagining its endless costume possibilities. Her imagination ran wild.

First, she drew the cape closely around her, grabbed one of the pens, and pointed it off in a random direction, shouting “Abraaaaa-cadabraaaa!” and “Alakazam!” in her most mysterious, commanding voice. She was Edward the Great, Edward the Mysterious and Powerful, master of the arcane magical arts, commander of the universe, bending the world to her whims….

But she quickly abandoned this idea, tossing the pen aside. The cape wasn’t quite long or dark or imposing enough to belong to a proper wizard or warlock; she was pretty sure real magicians wouldn’t have their skinny legs poking out from the bottom of it. Besides, while having magical powers would be fun, she wasn’t really sure she wanted to bend the whole wide universe to her whims. That would get pretty boring after a while. It was more interesting to see what life would bring her, where it would take her next. (Although having a bit of magic certainly wouldn’t hurt!)

Next, she adjusted the cape to flow behind her, clambered up to the top of one of the stacks of crates, and perched precariously on the edge, her fist poised high above her in a triumphant gesture. She was Super-Ed, defender of justice, savior of…uh, people who needed saving. There had to be a lot of those out there, right? And she could be the superhero they needed. “Up, up, and away!” she yelled out at the top of her lungs as she leapt off the top, feeling for a moment like she really could fly, like she had powers flowing through her veins.

Luckily, she was able to break her fall without hitting anything else in the storage bay or knocking over any of the crates. From there, she ran around the storage area as fast as she could, her cape flapping and fluttering behind her as Ein—her loyal superhero sidekick?—followed as fast as his stubby corgi legs would take him. In her imagination, she was flying across a bustling city, rescuing civilians, fighting bad guys—kind of like what Spike, Jet, and Faye did, but flashier. Not to mention more fun. “Shazam!” she shrieked as she leapt over boxes of random odds and ends. “To infinity…and beyond!”

At one point, she had the bright idea to grab the tie she’d found earlier and secure it over her eyes, just like the mask a real superhero would wear. She shut her eyes tight as she tied the knot in the back of her head; then, giggling madly, she set off in another run—and immediately crashed into one of the stacks.

Right. Real superhero masks had eyeholes.

After rubbing her lightly bruised shin and doing away with the makeshift superhero mask (it wouldn’t have worked with her pumpkin mask anyway), Ed pulled off the cape and sat for a bit in thought, going through her mental catalog of other suitable costumes—until, finally, she had it. She once again tied the cape securely around her neck, pulling the knot closed with a decisive, confident tug, and let it flutter behind her on her back. “Spooky, spooky vampire! A-ha-ha-ha-ha!” she said under her breath.

Then, she loomed over Ein—her face menacing, her hands with claw-like fingers poised on either side of her head, and pretending her teeth were long, pointy fangs. “I vant to suck your blooood!” she said in her best, slightly warbling, Dracula voice. Ein drew back and whimpered a little, his ears low on his head. Ed quickly snapped out of character, then gently pet his head to let him know she hadn’t really meant to frighten him.

The costume was perfect—perfectly spooky, for Halloween—and would fit right in with the masses of people trick-or-treating on Alba City. It was bound to bring in tons of candy, too. With this cape, she was fully equipped for what was sure to be the best Halloween celebration in the whole Solar System—or, at least, the best one she’d ever had.

“C’mon, Ein!” she exclaimed, and together the two of them ran back to Jet in the kitchen, crashing into things as was their wont. Ed was laughing, brimming with holiday excitement, ready to take this costume to the streets of Alba City. She couldn’t wait to find out what happened next.

Since she’d joined the Bebop crew, since she’d made these new friends that she loved with all her heart, she’d had so many adventures that she felt like they would never end. The world, in her eyes, was brimming with possibility and promise. Anything could happen.

Anything was possible.

[rocketsagan-blog]

The Boy and The Heron - A Movie Review

Maybe more like discourse, and someone else has probably had the same freaking thought, but I wanna write about it anyways.

(There will be like, one minor spoiler in this 'review' - but if you have seen the main teaser trailer, this is in the first 5 seconds of the trailer, so if you have even existed on YouTube you have probably seen it.)

Like most beings on Earth, I lost someone during the pandemic. This is not by any means unusual, and I do not ask for comfort or pause, as we all probably lost someone, either directly or indirectly from Covid, so I merely state this as a sort of... small wail into our collective suffering? (Do people say words like that? I dunno.)

We have all suffered. We all have grief. But. I have my grief, and dammit it, it has been tough. The dreams especially. Seeing him over and over. Thinking he is alive, experiencing joy, just to wake the fuck up to a world where he is now, quite literally dust?? Yeah. So. I had a feeling just from the trailer that "The Boy and The Heron" was going to get in my feels.

But. Having thought about death. A lot. I saw something in the film. An island surrounded by an endless sea, covered in Cyprus trees with some stone monolith in the middle. I saw what looked like one of my favorite paintings of all time - Isle of the Dead.

here's the wiki link for those not in the know, its got alotta links so should be pretty good

The painter and the painting are not super blatant about meaning, but like... the vibes. They're very tranquil but also very heavy. Every time I see this painting, I see the whole of it, but like a spiral I'm drawn towards the center of the land, to the Dolman.

once again, wiki link, have fun

All I can think is... is this an entrance? Where we all will one day pass? Where every thing we have loved and lost has gone? Is it good? It is malicious? Is it just nothing at all? Whatever it is, the place itself invites thought and traps it, focus is diverted to the big what, one of the biggest whats.

And then very little, if anything, can be given back. There's a place for our remains, for all remains, and all that is left is dreams and our own hopes.

And the love. There's the love we had and will have for what's gone. Never forget the love.

I haven't seen the other side of healing yet for who I lost in 2022. I'm carrying on. Little things just keep popping up unexpectedly, and sometimes I don't know what to do with them. I still lay in bed after waking if One Of Those Dreams happens. I do have a strong network of friends and family who love me, but the aching remains. And in those times I think of this painting, and now too I will think of The Boy and The Heron. Though if I had to choose memento mori independently, I don't think I could choose any better.

[thetravellingvagrant]

Day 13: In Which I Get Sunburned In December

Today was the only full day in Alicante that my schedule would afford me and, it being the last real location of the trip and a bit shit to boot, I decided to make it a nice, easy one. I was to have a bit of a bibble around a nice beach, then get a souvenir or two and a bit of food, then go home to enjoy my prison cell for the night

Pictured: El Porridge

I was excited to not be grinding myself into a thin paste by walking loads and loads and loads, to be honest, and so I set off into the city with a spring in my step. Metaphorically, not literally, I had neither the requisite energy, nor joy to skip.

As I left the hostel, it struck me that it was really fucking hot, today. Mid-20s hot. And bright. It's a good thing I managed to forget my shades but remember my incredibly heavy winter jacket. Absolutely nailed it.

Regardless, I pressed on with my day, blind and sweating and realized as I traversed Alicante by day that it wasn't *that* bad, here. Yes, it had a sort of…stupid vibe to it, as places often do when populated exclusively by English ex-pats named Sharon, but away from the more jubilant touristy areas, in the (frankly blinding) light of day and without even an inkling to visit a burger king, in which it looked like a dirty bomb has been detonated, the city was alright! Not brilliant or anything; there was still irritations like the absolute blight of leather faced old men, dresses like off duty sailors, walking around narrow, crowded streets at .3 miles an hour, clasping both hands in one another behind their backs

Hurry. UPPPPP.

But a far cry from the place I had experienced last night where I genuinely worried I was going to get robbed, headbutted or coerced into going to a nightclub in the ten minutes I was outside my accommodation.

I made my way through the…slightly unremarkable city and eventually managed to locate one of it's many beaches. It was busy. Perhaps not as busy as, say, a shit aquarium, but definitely enough to make me curl my lip and be slightly surprised, given that it was December. 

Scowling, however, I angrily removed my shoes and had an absolutely furious walk across the warm sand which I seathingly enjoyed very, very much.

I then found a nice tree which I say under for ages and ages, listening to a good podcast and nonchalantly burying both my feet in the sand 

...Two weeks 'til Christmas!

And then having a bit of a paddle 

You're welcome.

As I have no doubt you can tell, I was thoroughly revelling in my easy day, enjoying, more than most things I have experienced and likely will ever experience, the opportunity to have a stress free sit down and a splash. I was having an easy day and no one - not you, not god, not my mum, was going to stop me.

Anyway, then I saw this big cunt and had to climb it immediately

...Well, shit.

Excited to just enough of a degree for it to be a reasonable replacement for actual energy, I began my ascent up the big boi hill, the route up which varied wildly and seemingly at will between tarmacked road, cobbled path and incredibly dangerous crumbling cliff edge, having an excellent time trying - and failing - to attract the routes manky, scabby cats to have a good old rub around my legs or sit on my lap.

This was as close as they let me get.

Eventually, after - it must be said - a *lot* of trial and error, I found myself on the main road up to the top of the hill and the castle which lay upon it. It was then a car pulled up along side me. A man leaned out his window, which is usually always a preamble to a genuinely dreadful thing happening.

“Ello mate, can I take my car up there?”

I took my headphones out of my ears. 

“Oh, I have no idea.”

“Ohh, you speak English yeh?”

I told him I did

“Are you from the UK, yeh?” He asked, in a thick Mancunian roadman drawl

“Yeah.”

“You from Manchester, too?”

I told him I was from Glasgow

“Yeh? You don't speak Scottish tho, innit.”

I chuckled, out of awkwardness more than amusement

“...so can I take my car up there, yeh?”

I told him again that I had no idea. I did note that there was a car park right next to where he had stopped which seemed to point to him not being able to. He surveyed the hill.

“...fuck man, that's a lot of walking tho, innit.”

It wasn't. We were very near the top of the hill. Five minutes to the castle, tops. I told him the view would probably be worth it 

“Hmm…” he pondered. “Nah, I'll leave it” and with that turned his car around and sped back down the hill, his beats blaring into the distance, leaving me absolutely bewildered to my very core at the whole experience.

Anyway *I* made the effort to walk at a comparatively shallow incline for five minutes and was duly rewarded with some absolutely stonking views for my exertion.

...To be fair, it *was* a lot of walking

I wandered around the pleasingly sparse hilltop - most likely due to there needing to be the slightest bit of effort made to actually reach the place - taking pictures and fighting off the intrusive thoughts demanding to know if I'd survive if I jumped off the ramparts 

...Probably not.

But before long had exhausted my interest in being up really high like an eagle or a lost kite and descended down the opposing side of the mound.

The descent was almost as good as the ascent, despite the creeping presence of touristy shit edging in more and more, the further down I went, and offered comparably lovely vistas to enjoy

And soon deposited me back in the city, proper where I limped first to a souvenir shop and then to a big supermarket where I bought some kind of microwavable potato and onion omelette which I actually really enjoyed despite it looking like a fried sick patty and having the texture of a flu sneeze. 

Finally, I managed to get back to my apartment - my easy day having turned into a close-to six hour excursion which turned my pedometer red, again - where I ate my sicky dinner and enjoyed the customary nap and nibble before turning in, on preparation for the last day of the trip on which I wasn't just going to be eating nice pizza and tolerating okay friendship in a smelly room with all it's blinds pulled down.

[stonerpsii]

Hello Stoner Psi! I am L (not my real initial) and my friend M (also not real initial) told me that they had talked a little bit about our impromptu party yesterday on this blog and that it is a place where people can share their experiences with intoxication for fun and without being judged. It is well past noon here and I am still in bed so I thought that I could check you out and write to you on my own. M may have shared something but I wished to come forward as well. As a person formerly from a highly restrictive household, I felt like I missed various teen partying milestones, so when M reached out to me with an offer to try smoking and drinking I decided to take them up on it, since I happen to have some vacation days right now. We met at my flat to watch Disney movies like we used to at school together, and before M arrived, I had gotten us both a bottle of white wine each. I was feeling a little nervous and excited, so I had a couple of glasses beforehand. I did not really enjoy the taste and it did not seem to affect me too much either, so I got anxious that if it does not get me drunk, it would definitely not be enough for M, who has a much higher tolerance than me. So I UberEats-ed some port, which had a higher alcohol content. M arrived with a vape that they showed me how to use (I am a bit foggy on the legality of it all where we live, but I trusted them to know what they were doing). That is where things started getting interesting! My memories of the events may be quite jumbled, but I have a distinct impression that I teleported to the TV because one moment, I was fumbling with M's vape and the next, I was standing in front of the screen, trying to run my fingers through Rapunzel's CGI golden hair. I found it incredibly hilarious and laughed so much my throat felt dry and I tried to drink the port! The more I drank, the less shitty the taste appeared. My face was burning and my reactions to the cartoon people on TV were much more enthusiastic than I could have expected at my age. I wanted to be there with them and repeat what they did, but my limbs felt like each of them had been placed in a long plastic sleeve filled with jelly. That made me laugh even more, and overall I felt an incredible joy and lightness. M was there too, drinking and snacking on some cheetos on my couch, and I reached my hand in and grabbed some. They had vaped much more than me and were not really coherent, but they did shake their head and poke their finger at the little cannabis symbol on the pack, but I did not really mind that at that point. I also recall the entire room shifting and spinning away from me, but I don't remember if it scared or excited me. M also showed a video on their phone where I lay on the floor like a star fish, moving my legs and arms and yelling 'Snow angels!!!'. And we fed each other water out of bottles, which I also poured onto my face and head because I felt so hot. All of this was quite an undertaking and I can't imagine doing it as often as M does, but I now experienced that sense of letting your body melt and just existing out of it like a spark of utter delight. Or maybe like one of those lanterns from Tangled.

hi L! it sounds like you and M got pretty blasted and had a lot of fun! cannabis cheetoes sound... interesting? but i don't care for cheetoes so i think i'll stick to cannabis pretzels for that kind of light snack. anyway, i love that feeling of your mind and body melting that you describe here! i'm glad you had a good time :D

[girldigital]

scrambled eggs

I literally do not know what the fuck I’m doing. Am I happy? Have I made it? Things are good but are they great? What am I striving for? What am I starving for too while we’re at it… Part of me wants to write about Big because he’s my favourite topic, but the novelty has worn off a bit. He’s been so responsive, something I never would’ve seen coming in a million years, yet I am more jaded than ever. Unfortunately for a Gemini Venus, when you lose that thirst for attention, boredom starts settling. Of course, I’d be devastated if he stopped answering, but also maybe that’s what I need. I’m unable to date because he’s got a prime rent-controlled apartment upstairs. Hell, I was thinking about my response to him while laying in bed next to another man I didn’t feel a sliver of emotion for.

I’m supposed to be relishing in my freedom here – to be meeting people day in and day out and experiencing what life has to offer to a pretty girl in her mid-twenties, much of which I was robbed of due to my previous circumstances. Yet, my love life is eerily similar to what it was, and I find myself counting down the days until I go back to my prison. At least now I know he will be there, hopefully also waiting for me. But then what? I come back here to daydream about the sex we had and spit on anybody else who dares look my way with lust?

As much as I am happy that we are still communicating and that he seemingly likes me more than I initially thought, why is he keeping me at arm’s reach if he doesn’t plan of ever holding on. He wears his Mr. Big nickname well I suppose, but all of this for a once-a-year fucking? I don’t even think that can count as a situationship. Though I will say, the sex, when we do have it, feels like no other and the memories stay alive for way longer than they should, probably for both of our mental health’s sake.

Anyway, that’s on my love update. I must let go but I can’t and most likely won’t until he does so first. And even then…it’s not like that worked the first time.

On another note, I’ve finally landed at the stage of acceptance regarding #That job interview, but it does still fill me with a lot of sorrow to think about the joy I felt when I thought I had a chance.