#anyways you ever feel like that? me personally I can’t relate bc I was never a child | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

astermath · 1 year ago

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nemesis; part two.

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary: with carmen reworking the restaurant, you’d think his mind would be far too occupied to even think about anything else. yet he can’t shake the guilt from what he’d put you through a month prior. after some talks in therapy, he decides to take a leap of faith and see if he can talk it out with you. he not only wants to convince you that he can be better, but he's got an offer for you too. one you truly can't refuse.

♡ landing page ♡

word count: 4.9K

tags: carmen being unsure about his feelings but trying to be better episode 3265742, letting reader in a little more, APOLOGIES!!!, cursing ig, carm goes to therapy yippee, syd being the absolute realest, regular font below!

notes: sorry this took literally forever omg, I lost my carmen muse for a bit but we are SO back baby. I missed him so much and so sorry if some things don't follow the canon completely (I've been watching season 2 on and off bc I've been so busy lol BUT my fics never follow the canon completely anyways),, hope u guys enjoy and let me know if you'd like a part three ;))

lmk if you'd like to be added to the tag list for further carmen berzatto related content! comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!

Carmen’s life hadn’t known a moment of mental rest in ages. If you asked him when he last sat down with his thoughts or acknowledged his mental anguish, he probably would have said he couldn’t remember the last time. If ever.

With plans to completely revamp The Beef and everything that came with it, now his feelings should be the last thing on his mind. Renovation plans, unforeseen costs and a completely new menu, sure, he could worry his ass off about those, but feelings? Absolutely not. Good thing he was usually so good at suppressing those anyways.

So why was it that he couldn’t shake the thought of what he did to you?

Why, every time he had a moment to himself, would he be overtaken by this intense feeling of guilt? He didn’t even have to be alone, just a second of quiet and the image of you crying in distress would intrude on his thoughts.

It was getting to a point where he’d told his sister, Natalie, about it. Well, not all of it, he wasn’t even sure if he knew all of it. Just that he knows he hurt you, and that coming to terms with what he projected onto you might be a good first step in understanding himself better.

Or maybe it was something more along the lines of “I gotta talk my shit to some people”. Probably that.

To his surprise, it was actually helping. Besides the group therapy sessions where he’d talk about Mikey, the business and his future, he was talking to other people in his life too. Even told Sydney about you, kind of on accident. The words just seemed to… Flow out. It was probably the exhaustion doing its thing.

“I guess I just felt like,” he kept his eyes on the floor he was sweeping, “she was doing it all to fuck with me. I don’t even know where I got the sick idea that she had some obsession over me, but it— it drove me at the same time. It’s like her being on my heels at every aspect of culinary school just made me want to try even harder.”

“Maybe you painted her in that light because you knew it was a good way to keep pushing yourself.” Sydney spoke almost absentmindedly, sweeping the other side of the room. She listened to everything he said in the meantime, and though what he was telling her was a bit worrying, she was glad they got to have talks like this. Carmen often doesn’t like to bring up his past like that.

“Huh,” he paused sweeping for a moment, “yeah… yeah, maybe. Or maybe it was something else.”

Sydney wasn’t even sure he knew what he was referring to. It sounded like something entirely different, like a crush, but what kind of person treats their crushes like that?

Probably an overworked, pressured, overachieving culinary student with a dangerous need for validation. But she wasn’t about to tell him that.

“So yeah, I visited her restaurant, and… It just felt the exact same as back in New York, you know? Like she was rubbing it in my face again, and— and I know that sounds insane, or conceited, but I just can’t let it go. It’s like the thought of her is stuck to my brain like a stubborn piece of gum.” He wanted to smack himself for that stupid analogy, but what was said was said.

“So how’d you handle it?” Sydney’s head perked up, some of her braids now draping over her shoulders.

“Handle what?” Carmen became more and more uneasy the more he talked about you. Like his chest was tight, it was uncomfortable, but not in the way he was when the health inspection came by, it was different. Weirder. Unfamiliar. He didn’t like it, because he didn’t understand it.

“The talk with her.” She emptied the last bit of dust into the trash bag.

“Oh,” his mind took him back to the parking lot a month ago. The way he could almost taste the tears of your skin from how close he stood, he could hear the shakiness of your breath and the profound desperation in your voice when you apologized to him, when you really had no reason to.

If it was still so clear in his mind, then what must it be like for you?

“Carmen?” Sydney snapped him out of his oncoming train of thought.

“Yeah? Sorry, I— Uh, I don’t know it was…” He runs a hand through his hair, suddenly finding it in his best interest to look anywhere else but her face. “Bad. It was— It was bad.” He looks a bit shameful when he meets her eyes. “I fucked up. I like, went all New York boss on her. And then I just… Left.”

His colleague just stares at him for a moment. She knew what he was like when he snapped like that, but that was with his staff, people he liked. So how badly did he snap on you, a person he’d been resenting for years?

“I’m gonna go take out this trash, and uh… Head home.” She lifts the grey plastic bag she was holding. “But uh, Carm?”

“Yeah?”

“You got issues, man.” She has a bit of an awkward smile on her face, but he knows she means it. He knows she’s right. She usually is.

He nods, silently, letting her words sink in. He did have issues, everyone knew that, but most people didn’t just say it. That’s why he liked Sydney, she was so real, so honest. She was so good for the business, for the kitchen. And maybe her saying that to him was all part of grounding him in the reality of it all. Of his issues, just that they existed.

“Heard.” he says. His voice comes out raspier than he expected, like he’s struggling to say it.

“Goodnight, chef.”

“Night.”

He’d thought about what Sydney said the entire night. He does have issues, he knows that, he’s just mad at himself for letting everything get this far before seeking help. It scares him. Because it reminds him too much of Mikey. Or what he heard about him when things got bad.

He doesn’t want to make the same mistakes his brother did. Lock people out of his life just because it seems easier, because it’s better to minimize the damage than to figure out why you’re doing damage at all. And yes it’s uncomfortable, yes it’s scary, terrifying even. But he keeps being reminded of how it must feel for you.

It’s something he’d never considered before. He always thought he had you all figured out, all fake smiles and backhanded compliments to distract him. It never occurred to him to just… Ask. It was always just easier to assume. It fit his view of you and it kept him going, even if it was at the expense of ever getting to know you at all.

He’s hoping he can change that with a few text messages and a long, probably uncomfortable, talk over coffee. Just hoping, trying, that’s really all he can do. He’s well aware of how bad he is at communicating, but he has to give it a shot. For you, at least.

He stares at his phone screen for far longer than is necessary, continuously rereading the messages he’d typed. His eyes keep flicking to your contact, making sure he sent it to the right person. The only thing you two had texted about before was a time and place for him to try your new restaurant. His heart aches at the exclamation points and emojis you’d sent; you were so excited, and he drove all that excitement straight into the ground.

He closes his eyes and shuts off the phone. His chest hurts, like he’s been holding his breath the entire time. Maybe he has. You could have that effect on him, making it harder to breathe. He always wondered why he had such nervous reactions around you specifically. He always figured it had to do with your one sided rivalry, but it feels… Different. More complex.

Your eyes are finally peeled off your computer screen when numerous phone notifications alarm you. Truth be told, you’ve been trying your best to keep yourself occupied as much as possible. That usually helps when you get waves of emotions like this, keeping busy, distracting your mind from overthinking.

Ever since your last encounter with Carmen, you’ve been so on edge. Always trying to do something, anything, so you wouldn’t have to think about what happened, why he acted like that to you. Because you know if you did, you’d just start blaming yourself again, and you’d be back to square one.

Your eyebrows raise at the name of the contact. You were sure he’d blocked you, or at least deleted your number after last time. He was avoidant like that, and frankly, you weren’t sure if you wanted him to talk to you again after that anyways. Maybe it was just to drive the point home, make you feel even more worthless.

Still, you were curious. Even if it was just to cuss you out even more, at least you knew what to expect, right?

[carmen]: hey, I really want to talk to you about what happened last time.

[carmen]: well

[carmen]: I want to apologise

[carmen]: but I can’t do that like this

[carmen]: I’d much rather do it in person

[carmen]: if you’d let me

[carmen]: meet me at odette’s tomorrow around 10? coffee’s on me, I just want to talk

[carmen]: please

The last message was sent minutes later than the rest, while you were reading them. He was desperate for an answer, and though you wanted to hear him out, to talk to him, something in you felt off about the whole thing. Like he was just doing this to clear off his own guilt, only to then ditch you just like he ditched you after culinary school. Because you’re rivals, apparently. That’s what you do.

But then there’s something else in you too. The part that’s still nostalgic about New York with him. About the glances back and forth when you were timed on preparing certain things, about the way he’d stare at you when you got feedback, the ignorant bliss you lived in. When you still believed he might have liked you just a little.

That part of you takes the upper hand when you reply and take his offer. Your heart is in your throat, nerves overtaking you already and you weren’t even with him yet. He had that effect on you sometimes, making it harder to breathe.

You wondered what that meant.

Carmen sits alone at a booth, all the way at the back of the café he’d chosen. It’s rather quiet, as most Mondays are, yet at the same time, it’s so loud. Loud in the way he hears the clinking of every spoon against porcelain cups, the crinkling of a napkin and the not so subtle ticking of the clock above the entrance. 10:06. You were late.

Suddenly he's filled with more regret than he's ever felt before. He's not ready to see you again, only to be reminded of how he made you cry, and of his own tumultuous emotions and shortcomings that lead to this moment. It's surprising how fast the emotions he associates with you changed; he's not angry anymore, he's scared, guilty, nervous. He wants to see you so bad and yet he feels like you'd be better off never talking to him again.

It's too late to make a run for it when you finally walk through the door. Hair a little damp from the rain, just a bit disheveled from what he could only assume to be rushing over to the café. And that same angelic smile you offer to the barista that greets you, the same one you'd offer him every morning, whether he looked at you or not.

He had no choice but to look now.

Your smile falters into something more nervous, a little melancholic, when your eyes meet his across the café. Though you knew he was going to be there, something in you feels surprised to see him again. Maybe it’s because he isn’t yelling at you or throwing insults at your head this time. Or maybe because he’s actually looking you in the eye. Since when did he get so good at that?

You sit down across him, taking off your coat and putting your bag besides you.

“Hey.” You smile again, much more awkward this time.

“Hey.” He returns the same thin lipped smile.

It’s quiet for a few seconds. Carmen swears the whole café has gone silent in that moment, leaving the two of you to listen to the sound of your own breathing and heartrate picking up. You’re not sure where to look, not being used to being in such an intimate setting with him.

“Do you want a coffee?”

“Sorry I was late.”

You both talk over each other, and the urge to chuckle about it overtakes you. Carmen can’t help but smile as well. You seem nervous, and somehow that puts him a little more at ease. Like he’s not the only one who’s in their head about it.

“Sorry, I, uhm, yeah— I would like a coffee.” You scramble over your words. “Please.”

“Sure,” he nods, “and no worries.”

“Hm?”

“That you were late. I haven’t been here that long either.” He lied. He’d been there half an hour early, cursing himself for letting him sit along with his thoughts for that long and psyching himself out into almost leaving.

You both order and another heavy silence sits between you two. You both know why you’re there, what needs to be talked about. Yet neither of you know how to bring it up.

You’ve lived most of your lives believing this version of each other you had in your minds. Because it kept you grounded. Because it was easier. He never let you in and for the longest time, you were at peace with that. You could have a slightly distant view of who he was, your classmate, your rival. And he could do the same. Keep you out, pretend you were there to keep him on his toes, to always try to outdo him.

Those facades of each other don’t work anymore. The real world has forced you to reconcile with each other, whether you liked it or not.

Your coffee gets brought to your table, and both of you feel this urgency to say something, anything, at least.

“The pastries here are good too, if you want to get one.” He finally broke the awkward silence. He can start with talking about food, something he knows. If all else fails, resort back to that.

“I haven’t tried a pastry besides my own in a long time. Maybe I could learn a thing or two here.” You admit. He knows that feeling. He’s not nearly as adventurous with his food choices as he wants to be, but as a busy chef on the brink of a new entrepreneurship, it’s usually beef sandwiches and frozen meals.

“I think yours were better though.” He takes a sip of his coffee.

“Huh?” You look up, realizing you were avoiding eye contact by staring into your cup.

“The danish I tried at your place. It was fire.”

“Oh. Right. Thank you, we make everything from scratch.”

“I could tell.” He takes another sip. “I guess I— I kinda forgot to tell you that. In the heat of it all.” He huffs to himself. “Food was so good it made me upset.”

“Upset?” His word use frustrates you. Upset is when they forget to give you your sauce with your order. What happened back there was not upset. That was rage. Wrath. You raise an eyebrow and he realizes he said something wrong.

“Well, more than upset. Listen, I— We need to talk about what happened.” His blue eyes peer into your own. They’re almost distracting enough to avoid you noticing his fidgeting hands.

“I’m listening.” You lean back slightly in your seat. You’d played nice with Carmen all your life, given him every chance to return it. Now it was his turn to try.

"Right." Of course he has to talk. It's his fault, isn't it? He's the one who snapped-- why did he even imply you'd have to explain yourself? He runs a hand through his hair, and there he goes again, eyes darting across the café to find something to focus on as he sought out the right words. You'd almost find it endearing, how bad he is at this, if it wasn't so important to you.

"You don't do this often, do you?"

"What, like-- meeting up for coffee?"

"Talking about stuff. Your feelings and shit." You hid your slightly amused smile behind your coffee cup before taking a small sip.

"Oh. Yeah, no, I-- I don't. Not until recently." He takes a deep breath. Just like they had told him to. “I’ve been going to this therapy thing my sister recommended. S’not much, but… It’s a start. Talked about the restaurant, my brother—“

“Your brother?” Your eyebrows raise slightly.

“Yeah, my— my brother. Mikey.” He looks a bit surprised. He’s come to the shattering realization that he’s never told you anything about his personal life, ever. You don’t even know about one of the most important people in his life, his main drive. You’ve known each other for so long yet you know so little. “I never told you about him?”

“You never told me anything.” You answer curtly. “We never really… Talked, you know?”

“Yeah— yeah, you’re right. I just thought… Wow.” He smiles, more out of shock than anything. He feels so stupid. How immature is it to be feuding this much with a person who doesn’t know anything about you?

“I guess I really don’t know much about you either.” His fingers rake through his messy curls again. “Makes me feel like even more of an idiot for going off on you like that. Like I had you all figured out.”

“Yeah, that was uh... That was something." The mood shifts a little. His smile fades as soon as he sees the melancholy in your eyes return. Of course it wouldn't be that easy for you to forgive him, to feel better about all this. "You know, I never knew you thought of me like that." A small smile graces your features. Somehow it's sadder than the expression you had before.

"I mean, I knew you didn't like me. I was pretty much at peace with the fact that you were never going to like me, either. But I never thought you hated me that much." You sniffle, trying your hardest to blink away any oncoming tears. "Like your life, your entire career, would have been easier without me there at all."

His heart aches at the sight of you, all teary eyed and trying to be brave. You're much braver than him. Sadness is a much harder thing to express than anger. He's starting to figure that out more and more.

"I don't hate you." He starts. He sees the confusion contort your features, and he knows he's not making any sense. "I mean I did-- I did hate you. Or, maybe not you, just... The fucked up idea I had of you. And-- and that was on me, that was my own fault." He feels an urge to touch you; to rub your back, hold your hand, anything to comfort you. It's tearing him apart to know that he's the cause of all this.

"But why?" A single tear rolls down your cheek, leaving a wet streak on your skin in its wake. "Why did you think that about me? I-- I get that we had a little rivalry going but jesus Carmen, did you really think I spent my whole culinary school career trying to outdo you?"

"To be honest... Yeah." He feels ashamed. So ashamed. He hopes the waitress doesn't walk by and listen to any of this, see you crying, and make you feel even worse. "Cooking was always just... My thing. If I was good for anything, it would be that. So seeing you do so well at something I'd started to base my whole existence around, it made me jealous, so fucking jealous." He meets your eyes, even if it's hard. You have to know he's being sincere.

"And it's-- it's unfair, it's so unfair to you, I know, and I'm really fuckin' sorry. I'm trying to work on myself, on everything, and I hope I can prove that to you." His face has that red tint you recognize whenever he's nervous or stressed. You can tell this is taking a lot from him.

"Is that really all? You were just jealous?" Your voice is quieter, fragile almost.

"I don't know. I wanna think it's that simple but I really don't know. There's a lot I don't understand about me, or you, or us. My mind doesn't know how to react when I see you anymore I think, now that things are different." He takes a deep breath, like saying that took a physical toll on him. "You have this-- this weird effect on me, and I don't know how to cope with it. I think it was just easier to be mad at you than to be anything else."

Anger is easier to express than sadness. The easiest out of all emotions, actually. Sometimes a little too easy.

You look to the side, wiping your cheek with the back of your hand. You huff out something close to a laugh, and though he’s caught off guard by it, he doesn’t mind it. Even if you’re laughing at him, at least that means you’re not crying.

“You’ve got issues Berzatto. You know that?”

“Yeah. I’ve been told.” He smiles, and it’s heartfelt this time. Not nervous, or sad, or awkward. He’s happy to see you a little more at ease.

“It’s just really crazy to me.” You trace your finger over the edge of your coffee cup as you talk. “I spent so much time in culinary school looking up to you. And then I find out you were always just trying to keep up with me.”

Carmen’s eyebrows raise a little at your words. “Looked up to me?”

“Yeah, like… Your drive, your passion, it’s so impressive. Always looking to improve, to do better, it just— it inspired me to do better too. As cheesy as that may sound.” You smiled. “S’why I opened up in Chicago, you know.”

“Really? Huh.” He leaned back in his seat.

“Because I wanted to work with you. Or for you. Either would have been fine with me.” You sigh. “I like owning my own place, but… I don’t know, for some reason I always imagined us working together.” You smiled. “Is that stupid?”

“No,” he replied quickly, “no not at all, I— I totally get that.” He’s quiet for a few seconds, and you can practically hear the gears turning in his head when he stares at you for a moment.

“I mean you’re a remarkable chef, really, like— insanely remarkable, and, well, we’re revamping the restaurant completely right now. We need people— more people, new people, and so, I was wondering— or I’ve been thinking—“ He stops himself from losing his breath from all his rambling, before he freaks you out even more than he already has.

“I want you to come work for us at the Bear.” He puts his hands together, as if he’s about to beg. “Please.”

You can almost hear yourself blinking out of confusion. There’s suddenly no more loud silences, no, the café seems dead quiet for once. All you can do is stare at him, wait for a laugh, because clearly this was a joke right? There’s no way Carmen Berzatto, chef supreme, arch nemesis of yours, would want you anywhere near him, let alone work in his own establishment.

“I’m sorry?”

He feels stupid already. You had every reason to say no. He’d been the biggest asshole in the world to you, he’d kept his distance all his life, and now he expects you to be his employee. Or, well, colleague, more so.

“I’m uh— we’re redoing the restaurant entirely. New equipment, new staff, new everything.” He swallows; the thought of everything that needed to be done arises for a moment. “We need people that work hard, who know what they’re doing and who are passionate about it. And I barely know anyone who’s better at what you do than yourself.” He pauses, waiting for you to stop him. But you don’t.

“So I’m asking if you’d work for me. With me. It won’t be anything like old days, if anything I— I need to learn from you.” He scoffs at himself. “Could take a thing or two about how to communicate with my staff.”

You smile, and he genuinely thinks you’re about to start laughing at him. You chuckle, but it’s not mean, it’s honest. Cute.

“You know, you have great timing.” You grin.

“I do?” the smile on his face reflects the hope he feels.

“One of my chefs wants to take over the place for me. Well, has been wanting to. I haven’t had an exact reason to say yes to her yet.” You shrugged. “Guess I do now.”

“…Is that you saying yes?”

“It’s definitely not me saying no.” Your eyes meet his, and there’s something between you both that’s different now. It’s not like there’s a switch that’s been flipped. It‘s more like this conversation was the turning page of a new chapter.

“I’ll think about it. I want to see it first. Maybe talk to some of your staff.” Carmen’s chest strains a little when he thinks about you interacting with Richie. Then he’s reassured when he thinks about you interacting with Sydney or Marcus. You’d fit in well, you have great feeling for people.

“Yeah— yeah, I get that. Totally. I can arrange that. Uhm, we’re renovating right now, actually, it’s all really kinda wild, but if you wanna stop by, chat with Syd, or Nat, or talk about the plans, let me know. I’m sure they’d love to talk to you.” He’s not lying, you seem like you’d get along well with them. Especially Sydney. Your thinking processes are very similar to each other. And to his.

Carmen gets the bill, even though you try to pay for it.

“It’s just a coffee, just let me get this one.”

You let him have this one, simply because you can’t argue with him after the conversation you just had. You’re in too good of a mood after his proposition too.

He walks you to your car, hands in his pockets when you reach it. It’s cold outside, and his breath comes out in visible puffs of air. His nose is a little red, but you think it looks cute.

“Thanks for coming, by the way,” he starts, “I know you didn’t have to. Like— after how I acted to you. But— But I really do appreciate that you’re givin' me a chance here.” He’d always been confused about how positive and faithful you were in people. He never thought he’d be grateful for those exact features too.

“No worries, I… I had a good time. I’m glad we talked.” The keys jingle as you fidget with them. Among them is a keychain in the shape of a cherry, he recognizes it. It reminds him of how little you’ve both changed. And how much.

“Yeah.” He sighs. Relieved, almost. “Me too. But I’ll let you leave, might wanna tell your chef the good news.”

“Good news?” You quirk an eyebrow.

“That you’re selling them the business.”

“I haven’t decided yet, Carm.” You scoff. But he can tell you have, you look too excited about it all to not have your mind made up yet. It excites him too. Scares him a bit as well, but what’s a new chapter without a bit of tension?

“Right. Sorry.” He huffs. “Just text me when you wanna head over to see the place. It’s uh… It’s a work in progress, but it’s getting somewhere.”

“I believe you. I’m looking forward to it.” You lean back against your car a little.

“Yeah. Me too.”

“See y’around?” You unlock it and walk up to the driver’s side.

“Course. Uh, don’t be a stranger.”

You grin, leaning down to get into the vehicle. “Never with you, Berzatto.”

He watches you drive off, standing in the cold for far longer than any sensible person has any business standing there. But he feels good. He feels warm.

He thinks about what you said to him before you left. You were right, you were never a stranger to him. You were always like a constant in his life; whether you were actually present or not. And even if he didn’t know that much about you, which he was insistent on changing, you were never a stranger.

Never with him.

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luffyvace · 1 year ago

Text

STRAW HAT HEADCANONS

YUP YUP

as a thx for being patient for me not posting all day-

you get the whole crew!! :)

(some of these are based off true stories i’ve heard of from my friends 😭🧍‍♀️)

Luffy

never a peaceful day goes by

hes the type of guy that has to make noise if it’s “too silent”

like bro can’t we get some peace and quiet??

thrives in chaos

his eye to hand coordination is on point bc this man doesn’t think before he does ANYTHING

steals things from his crew even

if he sees something he likes he just takes it

he goes into the bathroom, puts boogers on the tissue then leaves

doesn’t even take it off or flush it

the next person who has to use that bathroom is mortified

when nami finds out and holds a whole meeting to find out who did this terrible act of crime

they find out it’s him he just laughs

per usual

stop this madness.

(he doesn’t)

Zoro

also a menace

not as straightforward with it though

its more like if he gets water everywhere when washing his hands

or spills his drink when pouring it

or pee all over the toilet

he’s kinda like oh whoops

(for future reference- my apologies for who ever you simp for here bc these headcanons don’t hold back)

anyway

sometimes he doesn’t shower after he trains

and just walks in the kitchen full body REEKING 😭😭😭

seriously dude take a shower

”i’ll cool off eventually”

THAT AINT GONNA GET RID OF THE STENCH

it makes me doubt he changes his underwear often enough

he leaves empty water bottles everywhere

it’s worse in the crows nest trust

Nami

thankfully this poor victim isn’t nearly as much as a menace

as long as you pay your beli

is genuinely willing to wait as long as it takes to get that money

and if you die she’s taking your life insurance

if your a pirate and have none she probably just takes whatever money and belongings you own

if it’s gems she’ll keep them but otherwise

she sells your clothes and other stuff that’s not worth much

smells like flowers

yes i said it

every time she comes out the shower something chaotic has happened

ah what a refreshing shower..

WHAT DO YOU MEAN LUFFY UPSET ANOTHER GOD 😱

😡✊ 🤣 💥 😓 😑

you can guess what happened

Usopp

his luck heavily fluctuates

sometimes he can get away with stealing. from. nami.

wow.

to other times getting blamed for farting

by luffy

and no one likes that feeling

has a better fashion sense but just chooses to dress how he does

no reason really

he can do hair and paint nails

nail painting he learned from kaya

would love horse back riding if he tried

he would suck at first tho

likes little children but they always end up beating him up for some reason

‘his cooking isn’t that good!’

‘let’s jump him!’

‘yeah!!’

besides the usopp pirates—they just do

Sanji

he could pull if he just stopped simping so hard

opla sanji is proof

his favorite thing to cook is spicy foods

him and chopper bond over spices bc some are good for your health and all

chopper sometimes recommends new herbs to put in foods

and vice versa for medicine

he helps chopper shop for herbs and such

if zoro wasn’t his big brother it was def be sanji

i love this duo it need more screen time

Sanji is a natural with children

which is why i wanna know why he ain’t wifed up yet?!

still hasn’t had his first kiss

prob would’ve genuinely married pudding if she was regular girl or at least not a big mom pirate

Chopper

sweetest person ever

looks up to all the straw hats

so he picks up bad habits from them

and is influenced by them easily

they use him as a tie breaker for stuff

they all bribe him to picking they’re option

usually robin, nami, sanji or zoro wins

robin bc she uses her psychological knowledge

nami bc she offers to buy his doctor stuff (which is rare)

sanji bc they have a close bond and relate to each other

and zoro bc they’re bond too (and bc he scares him sometimes- like that time in water 7)

asks people to help him with his doctor research

everyone was willing until the time usopp had diarrhea

then he could only convince luffy to do it 😭

Robin♥︎

her stare scares the rest of the straw hats

if it’s not a genuine smile and more like a distant stare that is

shes always observing and watching

theres no hiding secrets from her

she’s knows all

she actually reminds me of a friend i had irl and idk how to feel abt it

she wasn’t a bad person

she was just

just like robin 🧍‍♀️

anyway

i wonder if robin would read stephen king?

she would prob big up the book

only for them to find out it’s pretty dark

she prefers tea over coffee any day

its healthier w more health benefits

it just suits her taste pallet more

plus it doesn’t stain your teeth yellow n stuff..

Franky

SO LOUD

the second he gets up-

SUPERRRRRRR

its kinda annoying

he doesn’t care much if you don’t like it

Luffy is louder ok

your fine

wants robin to think he’s cool

if you don’t get something he said he doesn’t feel like repeating himself

either leaves out more details the more he explains it

or stares at you until you get it

constantly requesting american food for dinner

he doesn’t mind noodles and other around the world dishes

but can he get some pizza??

is that too much??

actually such a kind and considerate person

can relate to sanji on his kindness and empathy being his superpower

♡♡BROOK♡♡

needs so much more attention

the only one who still laughs at his skull jokes are luffy and chopper

sometimes usopp if it was a good one

loves to exchange books with robin but..

sometimes they’re a bit scary

(dude your a skeleton…YOUR SCARY-)

robin listens to him well bc he has a wealth of knowledge

he is 90 after all

maybe brook gets his clothes tailored??( bc who makes clothes so skinny a skeleton could fit them?!)

can play instruments no ones ever even HEARD OF before

randomly re-realizes his generation of people is dead

like now he has to accommodate with the youngsters 😭

i mean people in one piece live pretty long

but still they’re not out here kickin it n allike they used to

like rayliegh-

except he’s younger-

way younger-

ok so maybe whitebeard

but he was still jukin-

IDK MAN

one piece people are weird..

JINBEI

idk much about him especially but imma try

he’s so cool

he can prob cook really well

has very good survival and leader skills

plus instincts

wait how old is he??

looked it up he’s 46

so he’s the 2nd oldest

technically would be first if brook wasn’t a moving pile of bones

yohohoho!

my apologies your right this is jinbei.

i feel like he can dance

like he knows traditional dances of all sorts

i mean he could travel under water pretty fast

he should be able to visit different places right?

besides, he was a warlord

of course he did!

i feel he wouldn’t be a simp

as in for boa specifically

like he’s like i got too much going on to simp over some youngster

ik he ain’t real old or anything

but my dude a grown man

bro ain’t got time

he’s too busy being himothy

i feel he’d like poems

jinbei’s was like the most serious one. and that was still all over the place itself-

i take it back probably chopper or robin

this was fun but it took so long. it’s ok u guys enjoy :). i’m off to watch some anime 🏃‍♀️

oh my GOODNESS. so many tags 🤓

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ohmtoff · 9 months ago

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omg ur muslim??? can u write nick x muslim bf fic or hc anything

OMG???? ANON ILY LMFAAOO I LAUGHED SO HARD AT THIS BUT I IMMEDIATELY STARTED THINKING AB IT BC I DID HAVE AN EX WHO’s HINDU. important to note that im indonesian so my muslim experiences are probably gna be kinda different than others but ill try to make it as general as possible

- When you first started talking to him he was so confused on whether you were actually flirting with him or were you just overly friendly. When you mentioned in passing that you’re muslim he was convinced you’re straight bc he thought no way you could be muslim and gay (he’s white american so i’m 80% convinced he actually thinks like this lol)

- You flirt and flirt and flirt but the idiot convinces himself you were just really comfortable with your masculinity that you can compliment him, caress his face, touch his hair, stare at him for hours, and go on little dates with him without being gay💀 He would laugh off all your advances and you would just get so defeated and think damn he’s rlly not into me when actually he would scream and kick his footsies into the air everytime he sees a picture of you.

- You were in the middle of staring into his ocean blue eyes when you can feel both your and his breath hitching in the space between. Nick was blushing and nervously look around the room and you can’t help but think he’s just the prettiest boy ever so you thought “fuck it” and confessed. he was so shocked but so so sooo happy when you confessed, he excitedly said yes he definitely wants to be your boyfriend.

- it was in the middle of watching a series with him when you excused yourself to go pray. atp he was still confused on how does being muslim while queer work but he doesn’t know how to bring it up, he’s scared of being offensive. You also knew he was curious from how he has this thinking face whenever you mention anything islam related so you decide to explain to him that you did struggle a lot with faith crisis when discovering your sexuality.

you explained more on how you did have a phase where you hated religion and how it’s hateful. that was before you learned Islam and read the Qur’an on your own, without the interpretation of hateful people and privileged men who skew the teachings to benefit them. so, you learned that your relationship with God is personal and intimate, never one to be judged by any mortal, and more. now, your relationship with Islam is better than ever. (yes this is a self projection of my own relationship with religion lmao) He understands and from that moment on he would try to get out of his way to learn more about Islam and your culture so that he could understand you better.

- You regularly say “Wallahi” “Inshallah” “Alhamdulillah” everyday and he would adopt it too eventually and you would giggle and think it’s the funniest shit ever bc more often than not he would get the use of the phrase wrong, he would just think it’s like random arabic filler words😭

- Ramadan arrives he’s the most supportive partner you can think of during Ramadhan. He’d try to help you cook and order food for suhoor and iftar, and he’d try to support you by not eating in front of you.

“Babe, it’s okay for you to eat in front of me, that’s literally the point of Ramadhan”

“No, it’s fine, I’m not hungry anyways”

- Nick was, actually, fucking starving.

- The first week of Ramadhan passes and he doesn’t feel as fatigued and hungry anymore. He doesn’t even remember to eat sometimes, basically he fasts with you. Fasting became a routine for him and he quite enjoys it eventually.

“I’m gonna be so skinny at the end of the month”

- He gained weight😭 the huge iftar meals with your parents/ friends or just both of you going to a restaurant did more thickening than slimming his body. If you’re close with your parents, you introduce Nick to your parents during iftar and your mom forces the boy to try and eat all the food. He’s not mad though bc your family’s food is like nothing he’s ever had before and he EATS IT UPPP.

- Whenever you try to be sneaky and break your fast he would scold you😭😭😭 pulling out hadiths and out-muslim you

“Nick, you’re not even muslim!”

“So? That’s not halal! Astaghfirullah”

“What?!”

- The hardest thing for him during the month is not gossiping with you. You know he’s a natural hater at heart so when he sees gossipable activities he is CLENCHING trying not to tell you. When it’s iftar he screamssss and pulls out the whole tea with bulletpoints and a powerpoint slide

a/n: that’s all i got for now hope you enjoy it anon i did enjoy thinking ab this its so funny

#nick sturniolo #nick sturniolo imagine #nick sturniolo x male reader #nick sturniolo x reader

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proxythe · 5 months ago

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can i get your top glee headcanons??

or any glee stuff you just CANNOT stop thinking about

infodump pls king

i yapped so bad omg i’m serious … anyways here you go!!

i don’t have many specific hcs just kind of general stuff but let me get into this…

- bpd quinn fabray and bpd blaine anderson will always be famous to me

- bisexual finn & sam just real as hell… dare i even add bi4bi hudevans…?

- finntana bffs is literally my favorite thing of all time i fear </3 technically not completely hc since they’re actually friends but in my head they r Best Friends… its a need

- fuinn endgame 🙌 yall gotta stay w me on this ship fr hold on wait-!!!

- also technically canon friends but needed more quinncedes bffism ?? i still picture theyre very close. theyre occasionally lovers in my head as well

- i imagine college finn when i draw him but i love teacher finn bc i would die without the unique & finn dynamic in my head. hes her number 2 fan (kurt and mercedes are number 1). she is his favorite student TO ME!!!

- finn actually being protective and a good brother and friend is technically somewhat of an hc to me. they love acting like he’s an awesome friend but i always feel like it was never properly shown (aside from a few times, to my memory). needed him to whoop some ass protecting kurt at least once i fear!

- artana bffs… artie my beloved lowkey! i know him and santanas convos & texts are Crazy as hell… they love to talk shit it’s true it’s true…

- tina staying emo style wise is huge for me… i loved it so much on her… let her queen out idk.

- same w rachel lowk. her early season looks and outfits were soo cute, i always picture a similar style on her even when she’s older 😭 (honestly a lot of the characters s4-on i thought had kinda basic outfits ?? maybe it’s just me but idk. felt like they had more individual&unique styles in s1-3)

- honestly i mostly have so many friendship thoughts with no further elaboration. blaine/finn, britt/rachel, more mike/finn, more kurt/quinn, artie/mercedes, quinn/blaine ?!?!? def more but my mind is blanking…

- anything furt related i inject directly into my head and heart … siblings hit me in my chest like a bullet every time

- a more unserious one but kurt and quinn are literally sues gay son and thot daughter. her favorites i know this to be true

as for stuff i just can’t stop thinking about… oh you already know the first thing i’ll be bringing up…

- “can i show you something?… it’s my girlfriend. i used to have another photo but i like this one better” “why? she looks terrible” “cuz i think it’s the first one where you can really see her” TURN IT UP!!!😭😭😭

- “you’re the most beautiful girl i’ve ever seen in my life” …yall could never make me hate fuinn im sorry like look at the material

- finntana hugs, fuinn s4 hug specifically, furt hugs … its simple… finn hug = cinema

- quinn wanting mercedes there when she delivered her baby. this was serious for me

- “you’re gonna dance it with me dude” + him singing to kurt will forever live in my heart. mhm mhm lemme not forget my furt

- marley jake & unique. just pure bffism. theyre unique defenders 4L & i think thats beautiful as fuck

- “sam just tweeted that i smell good” “i wont stop til its trending” SAMCEDES!!! 😭😭😭

- sam’s “bring it” & finn’s “brung”

- samcedes, fuinn, brittana, klaine … my ultimate beloveds really. + jarley :-)

- and, lastly: “there’s only one person in this world who can tell you what you are” “me” “no, me. sue sylvester.”

#ask #ive only seen this show once btw lieksmjddljd #im lowkey an intruder here but #god needed someone to ship fuinn and it happened to be me

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myobsessionsspace · 7 months ago

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hey recently my friend had sent me a cute taekook edit, she thought I’d like it bc she knows I like BTS yk yadayadaya. anyway in the tiktok it seems like they’re playing a game in run bts and writing things on whiteboards. tae asks “did you come here alone” and apparently jungkook replies “im single” and i do think that that’s a weird reply to the question ‘did u come here alone’. but i was just wondering if it’s real and what’s the context. i had asked another person w a tumblr account but it seems they never got to reply to it and that’s okay. im just really curious because ive never seen this one.

Hi Lovely,

💜I really hope u don’t take this the negatively💜

My blog is for my enjoyment and anyone who enjoys what I do. My blog is public for any and all to see and that comes with pros and cons. Sadly even without sharing anything but BTS, Jimin & Jungkook, jikook love, richonne (twd), lgbtqia+ and other random things of my interest… I still get a lot of nasty unhinged messages.

I like to focus on the members and jikook in particular for their unique bond. I don’t mind delving into other duos, trios etc but from a place of positivity about their friendships.

If it was to discuss Tae & Jungkook’s friendship from any point over the years in a positive manner I’d have no issue.

Sadly I don’t feel comfortable answering anything in relation to tkk romantic theories by taekookers etc.

I’m not interested in taekookers and they don’t need to be interested in me. I don’t have the kind of content they need and don’t want to provide them with the kinda content they expect from jikookers.

I didn’t want you to think you were being ignored or feel like you can’t ever ask me anything.

BUT

I want nothing to do with tkk romantic theories, nor the subsection that create them, just not my interest.

Please don’t be discouraged from talking to me in the DMs or sending me any future asks though!

💜

#It’s a no for me dawg on tkk ship/tkkrs #said with all the love allowed from one person to another online #Jikook #Anonymous Asks

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mimikoolover · 4 months ago

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I think we should stop trying to make sense of Jikook and confront it to what they say or what they sing at this point lol I feel like there’s too many things we can’t know anyway, and some parts of the puzzle are missing and will be for a long time anyway because I highly doubt they will talk about their private life anyway soon. To me, with everything we’ve witness with these two for all those years I’m still thinking they’re actually together and have been for years but honestly I know I could be wrong. I follow the Occam’s Razor theory. But we have to admit that some pieces of the puzzle don’t fit or haven’t find their right place yet and we have to be at peace with that. Personally as a 30 yo I just think I’ve never ever seen two people behaving like they do and being as close as they are without being a couple. Their song lyrics are just a detail in the grand scheme of it but it’s jus my opinion. I know they could be just two exceptionally close friends, the exception to the rule. Trying to over analyze everything they do and say can be fun at times but it feels almost boring after all this time for me because we always go in circles. In a few weeks they’ll be confusing the hell out of us again lol

I was thinking exactly this actually...like if jikook are dating each other realistically we'll never know about it. have they done stuff in the past that's sus sure but there have been sus things with them with other people as well...so writing all of that off in relation to them with each other seems strange but I want to believe and listen to what they say so when jimin talks about muse I want to believe that. we also have to remember that they are just celebrities and let's be real we'll never truly know them for who they are as people so...caring less seems to be the way to go and just enjoy the music and whatever they put out without reading too much into it. but that's kinda difficult since artists realised they want die hard stans bc those are the people who make them money so the music industry and every player in it as a whole encourages us to be die hard stans (people within the fandom do this too). frankly jungkook is the only musician I've ever heard say that he should be less important to us and we ourselves should be the most important to ourselves. I think just the way with how fandoms are people talk about stuff a lot, tbh I was exhausted yesterday after talking about muse and jikook all day long...but that's how overanalysing happens. you can take things face value but then there's people in the fandom who talk like they know more and then that kinda makes me wonder 'do I know these people when I take things face value or would I know them better/more accurately if I kept up with them the way stans do'. me leaving twitter for example, I'm sure I missed loads of shit but at this point I don't even care anymore.

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eneiryu · 6 months ago

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so you know how in one of the scenes about the doctors, deaton is looking around their abandoned lab for something (i forget which episode lol) and he sees these sample jars with what looks like preserved fetuses (horrible) - have you ever considered a scenario where they may have used theo's chimeric DNA to clone or create a child? for the ultimate kind of vessel for the Beast, by growing one themselves? it's an awful thought but it really makes me wonder how theo would relate to that child - they would kind of be his own daughter/son due to sharing DNA. how would he have coped with that kind of situation? i think in my head he would have tried everything he could to get the kid away from the doctors and send them somewhere safe - maybe he would've faked their death or something similar, and made sure the doctors couldn't find them. this really comes into play post-canon i think because there's always that feeling of 'should he go get them to raise as his own' but also knowing that he's in no place to be a pseudo-father and that it would probably be better to leave the kid where they are. it's really interesting to me and i think the pack would react in a really fascinating way because this is such a complicated layer added to their perception of him: someone more self-sacrificing than maybe they originally presume, someone who would go to any lengths for the person they love.

and i think also it would really drive home the point of how young theo was when the doctors first took him - now that the pack have an example of another child raised by the doctors, how does that inform their perception of theo as a kid? bc i feel like scott and derek and liam's gut reaction would be that no child should ever be put in that kind of environment, and that kind of instinct would change how they view the fact that theo - despite everything he later came to do - was literally just a kid when this all started.

i'd love to hear your thoughts on this! i've really appreciated the way you handle topics like this (like in your fics where hayden or malia have a child and how Theo interacts with them and what it means to him) :))

I will admit I had never thought of this kind of scenario, though I’ve come at Theo’s DNA and how the Doctors may have used it from multiple angles. In this particular kind of case, though—I have to admit I struggle with it. 😬 The idea caught my attention enough that I ended up talking to another fandom friend about it, sort of working through the “what if.” And unfortunately I just can’t see it. I’m of the mindset that pre-skinwalker prison, there wasn’t a whole lot of mercy or grace in Theo. Had the Doctors used his DNA to create some kind of clone—which is a fascinating idea in and of itself; why wouldn’t they have tried to grow themselves a vessel?—I really don’t think he would have…cared. It would have been someone else to take the torment rather than him, and why not? No one had protected him, so why should he protect anyone else?

Post-canon is a possibility, Theo “rediscovering” the clone or whatever, but I could see that being interesting, mostly because I think Theo would panic, thinking either that the clone would reveal more of his past—which he’s ashamed of—to the pack, or worrying that the clone would replace him somehow. The pack had already taken in one version of him, why not another? And why not one who was less of a failure than he was?

Anyway! Now I’m rambling. Apologies that I couldn’t see my way to the core of your idea, but it’s an interesting headcanon, and I’d encourage you or anyone else to take it and run with it. 😊

#eneiryu ask

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kjhmyg · 4 months ago

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not re related but i’ve been having a rough time… this happened almost a year ago but last year in august, it was senior year (i still remember the exact date and time it happened) but two of my best friends cut me off cuz they said i had a lot of problems.. and no joke cried until 3 in the morning. it was so hard seeing them everywhere at school, i literally cried every week bc my heart hurt so bad just from seeing them. even though our friendship lasted 6 months (6 months with one of them, the other 2 years) we talked every day, literally every day, hung out almost every week and had a sleepover every month, so when they cut me off, i felt like a piece of my heart fucking tore in half.

then during the 2nd semester of senior year, i became classmates (not even friends) with the person i knew for 2 years and i admit i was REALLY happy. but a part of me thought she was doing it out of pity, keep in mind i still cried every week because of how bad it hurt. and then on our last day of school, i finally did the thing that hurt me the most and blocked their instas and delete all of our gcs and messages, and all of our photos. 700 photos of them. and i cried for hours on end. it hurt so bad.

and at graduation i saw one of them, and we talked for a bit. but it still hurt so bad. i thought i wouldn’t be so hung up over them but i still am it hurts.. and like the thing is, i thought we’d be a friend group throughout our senior year and maybe even college but it still hurts… and like i want to forget them but i genuinely can’t. :(

ALSO IM SORRY FOR RANTING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST CUZ MY MOM’S NO HELP AT ALL- like my little cousin asked me what happened between them and i started crying and so she got my mom AND MY MOM TOLD ME TO STOP CRYING, SAYING IT HAPPENED A WHILE AGO. i was just like 😀😀

hi my love! first of all, no need to apologise, we all need a good rant once in a while. i'm so sorry this happened to you :( no one deserves to be abandoned like that! did they ever elaborate on what they meant by problems? because unless those problems were affecting them, it's terrible that they just cut you off like that! especially since you knew one of them for 2 years, and spoke with them everyday.

i think it's the fact that you never got closure that's got you hung up over the whole thing. but now that you've blocked them on ig and deleted the gc, it means you're ready to move on! right?

i had a similar situation with a close friend of mine. we stopped talking (my fault, not hers), but i was hung up over it for YEARS. but because i knew i was in the wrong and i missed her. i did apologise but things didn't go back to the way it was - which is fine, because again, it was my fault.

we were still in each other's close friends list on ig and because i was seeing her every day on ig, it made it difficult for me to move on. like i kept wishing she would reply to my stories or wish me happy birthday. which never happened. so...i muted her. and the less i saw of her, the busier i got with other stuff like work etc, the easier it was to forget! to move on!

out of sight, out of mind.

so if you're ready to let the past go and move on, then im telling you from first hand experience that it will get better! let yourself feel what you feel, grieve your friendship (release all of what could've been), but know that you will feel better one day!

(but if you still want closure, it's a whole different thing so lmk. i got closure in my own way.)

anyway, you're allowed to feel sad about it doesn't matter what people think.

because i do get it, wanting to have a friend group to go through an important part of your life with. with people you have many memories with. unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky :( (me included, i never had that!).

but you'll have more chances in the future! (but also, it's okay even if you don't have that!) (it's okay to be alone) (but i dont want you to feel lonely) (life is complicated).

disclaimer that i'm not a licensed to give advice just a deeply flawed person that cares about you, and i hope that you can find your smile again one day <3

#long post #anon #i hope you feel better soon #u deserve better #replies

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jewishbarbies · 4 months ago

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https://www.tumblr.com/jewishbarbies/756558301352902656?source=share

this is so relatable lol. But my parents were could be considered abusive by western standards so it might not be that relatable but yeah. Worst part was my parents would go through all my books, diaries, everything. I used to love writing when I was a kid and I used to want to write books back then. But my mother would do “random checks” in which unexpectedly when I was in the shower or not in my room, she’d take my school bag and all the books in my room, empty it and scatter the books, and go through each and every one of them with the hopes of finding… idk what. Already made fun of me and laughed and yelled at me for whatever she would find though. It wasn’t like I was writing anything bad or inappropriate at the time, but the more she did that, the less I wrote because writing was something I considered very personal at the time and it felt like my privacy was stripped from me lol. This started around the age of 7-8 and by the time I was 13, I never wrote another story again and threw away all my journals. She would do this with my phone as well, reading all of my texts and going through my apps because she didn’t trust me (her words). The last time I remember her doing this was when I was 16, but I suspect she still does it now. I journal now occasionally, but I have to either write my stuff in French or a made up language because she can’t understand French or the language I made up now lol. Unfortunately I still live with her. But yeah, she did this with all of my interests. And I hated when she would come to any of my school or sports events because she was always disappointed as fuck whenever I didn’t come first, and had cultivated an immense fear of failure in me ever since I was a kid, one that I’m still trying to rid myself off lol. It was so bad that there’s so many things I refuse to do because I’m terrified of failing lol.

Anyways, this was a random ass dump of information you didn’t ask for lol. Feel free to delete this.

my parents were the “don’t make me take the door off the hinges and throw all your stuff in a dumpster” every time i pissed them off kind of parents so i feel ya with this.

they were assholes about privacy. they rarely knocked coming into mine and my siblings’ rooms so they walked in on us all changing more than once and just kept doing it, refusing to knock bc it was “their house”. they were very militant about computers and phones, not necessarily always to catch us doing something bad but bc they just needed to know everything all the time. I once created a Skype account to join a text only group chat of teens back when i was a swiftie and my dad said i “broke his heart”, almost actually shedding a tear, by not asking them first so they “had to take computer privileges away” and laid the disappointment on as thick as they could, doing a homeschooled version of grounding.

when they found out i was writing a fic they didn’t like bc they were “suspicious” of me (with no proof of any wrongdoing just vibes apparently) and went looking, they made me delete the whole account and scrub the computer of anything related to it. I never had a diary bc i knew they would read it. as an adult with a bedroom door that actually locks, i still can’t put headphones on and play computer games bc of the deep fear of them walking in and getting me in trouble, even with innocent things. the doorknob can be unlocked from the outside with a penny or sturdy fingernail for safety reasons but i know for a fact my parents would open my door if they felt they needed to even without an emergency. there’s no trust there. my mom has been convinced there’s something “evil” (in her words) about me since i was 4yrs old which is ironically around the time my first memories of their abuse take place.

they were abusive in many other ways, some physically, but I doubt I’ll ever shake that feeling like I’m always doing something wrong no matter what it is and that people will get mad at me for it. that shit sticks with you the longest.

#Asks #anonymoose #abuse tw #tw abuse

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evansbby · 6 months ago

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Hey, okay so I’ve rewatched Vanderpump rules by myself a couple times but I’m rewatching it with my mom and it’s kinda cool to see someone else’s perspective watching and their opinions without knowing what’s going to happen and that’s kinda how I feel with you right now LOL like I’m checking your blog ever day for VPR updates 🤭

Anyway, I like Ariana a lot now but I didn’t like her in the beginning. I’m not going to spoil anything but I will say that I don’t think Ariana personality type was made for reality tv unlike Stassi and I think that Ariana revels a lot about herself later on that might make certain things she done more understandable if that makes sense? I relate to Ariana in terms of being more introverted however I agree with you that she kind of let Sandoval go crazy to women and scream at them and just kind of turned a blind eye which is never okay but the blame for that behaviour should be more on Sandoval. I do think Ariana grows on more people as the series continues but your opinions on her in the earlier season are so valid and honestly, even if you never like her that’s okay too she not for everyone

I also am curious about your opinions on Lala?

-🫧

I knew from the get go that Ariana’s personality just isn’t made for reality tv like she’s literally just so blah. Which is why it’s annoying that she’s on my screen five seasons in and she will continue being there. And I’m not saying it’s her fault that she doesn’t contain her misogynistic boyfriend’s behaviour, my point is that she turned a blind eye to it which says A LOT about her. So i just don’t find it in me to sympathise with her. She just wants to be seen as the “cool, chill girlfriend” so she’s 1000% given him a pass for cheating with Miami Girl. So then why am I supposed to suddenly feel sorry for her when he cheats on her in the future with Raquel? Like I couldn’t give a single fuck lol.

Girls like Scheana and Ariana can never be trusted. Honestly I’d trust Lala over them two. So far, I think Lala really really admires Stassi and wants to be like her, but she just isn’t as clever or sharp. I think Lala in season 5 just wants to fit in and she lashes out and gets mean when she doesn’t fit in. As for the other two, I’ve seen girls like Scheana and Ariana in real life.

Scheana has such a deep rooted insecurity that she wants to be liked by everyone, so she does all that neutral bullshit. But you can tell she wants you to be best friends with the trio of Stassi, Katie and Kristen — she just doesn’t want the heat that comes with it. So she’d rather throw those three under the bus and watch them get crucified by everyone, and claim she’s neutral and “scared of them.” Which is such bullshit. Like in private she bitches with the trio about Lala and agrees with what they say, but when it’s time to answer to it, she lets the trio burn in flames all like “omg I was forced to agree with you” like shut the fuck up Scheana. And to think I felt sorry for her in the beginning of season 5, bc I genuinely thought the trio was being mean to her. But the trio are such fierce girl’s girls and it’s so clear the way Bravo edits stuff to make them out to be villains, you can’t even trust it. You could tell Scheana was getting the heroic edit and she just doesn’t deserve it. She’s fake and cannot hold down deep friendships with anyone, it’s all surface level friendships. And this stems from her own insecurity.

As for Ariana, I know her type too. She’s the type who thinks she’s better than all the other girls, and looks down on them for being “bitchy” and “emotional” but like… what she doesn’t realise is that when the going gets tough… all these men she claims are her besties will not be there for her. But the girls will. Instead of understanding the girls and not villainising them, Ariana very rudely just thinks she’s above them. And for someone who calls herself such a huge feminist, it’s sad to see her not only hating on strong, opinionated women on the show, but also turning a blind eye to her own misogynistic, sexist, woman-hating boyfriend. Who ends up cheating on her anyways about five years into the future lol. Ariana is a woman if she was written by a man — aka a woman who acts all “chill” and doesn’t call men out on their bullshit, isn’t “overly emotional” and always sides with the men’s opinions. That’s why she’s palatable to men and they want her around them. The loser men on this show just don’t want to be called out on their bullshit, which is why they gas up Ariana so much and try to discredit the trio so much.

And speaking of Sandoval, I hate him so much. He always sticks his nose where it doesn’t belong. I used to find him so cute in the early seasons but now it’s just painful and irritating to watch him go after Katie/Stassi/Kristen every single reunion. He has some deep-seated hatred for women that needs to be studied. Like genuinely he needs to be studied. He rides so hard for his boy Schwartz that all logic and reasoning goes out the window for him. I genuinely feel like he has some sort of feelings for Schwartz that he needs to navigate through. Also every time Sandoval cries it looks so fucking fake. Like I hate this man. I despise this man and nothing he could do is genuine. I feel like Ariana would blossom without him.

#anon #🫧 anon #vanderpump rules

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ropebunnykant · 1 year ago

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Hello!!!

I saw this post https://www.tumblr.com/victorialovesstiles/731872422364577792/ray-and-his-need-to-be-actively-chosen-another about Ray’s need to be chosen by Sand and OH MY GOD have I been waiting for someone to talk about this!!! (or part of it bc this is only a part of the bigger issue, which I haven’t seen a full post about yet) and I want to know what you think.

So I am someone who… relates a little too much to Ray. I pretty much fit him to a T in terms of the problems he deals with (except drug and alcohol addiction, I pursued other unhealthy ways of coping). The week between episodes 10 and 11 was truly agonizing because it was almost like going through what Ray was going through bc I know exactly what that’s like. But, anyways, I can understand Ray on a deeper level than I can other characters (I share a lot of issues with Sand as well, but that’s a topic for another time) and we need to dissect Ray’s abandonment issues straight to the core.

Ray has abandonment issues up the wazoo, and while I’ve seen posts talk about his issues with his dad and why he depends on alcohol in the first place, I have yet to see one take a deep dive into just what all of that means (it very well might exist, I just haven’t seen one).

Ray feels abandoned. By his mother, his father, and everyone in his life. He is no one’s first choice. He is constantly being told how much of a burden he is. It’s hard to explain what that does to a person unless you’ve lived through it. It makes you feel unloved, worthless, dead weight. You distrust people and don’t let them in bc who knows when (when, not if, bc this is something ingrained in your mind after a while) they’ll abandon you.

So how do you live with it? You find outlets. A lot of the time abandonment issues start when you are very young and have no idea how to cope with anything, so a lot of times these outlets can be harmful. What’s worse, is you often develop a dependency on these things. For Ray, that’s alcohol. Until Sand came along, you could pry alcohol from his cold dead hands (much like me and my TV shows).

A lot of the time, abandonment issues come with massive trust issues. Ray doesn’t seem to have these at first glance, but then he almost immediately falls into “self-fulfilling prophecy” after SandRay becomes indisputably real. Everything is “too good” with Sand, therefore it must be destroyed before it hurts Ray. This is a big thing with abandonment issues people. If we destroy something first, we haven’t been abandoned, it was us who left, not the other way around. Say you’re living in a flat with a roommate whose name is on the lease. They tell you you have 2 weeks to pack your things and leave, but you are gone in 1 week. You tell yourself that it was your decision bc you decided to move out the first week, therefore you weren’t kicked out.

This is essentially what Ray is doing. He’s confronted with this information about Sand and instead of talking it through or doing quite literally anything else, he blows up in Sand’s face. He feels betrayed and is facing the possibility that everything between him and Sand has been a lie. “You slept with me” is so real for him bc he let someone in and he can’t face the possibility of being abandoned. So he self-destructs all over Sand (he tells himself he wanted to end the relationship, not that the relationship was never real) and this completes the self-fulfilling prophecy and everything he’s ever told himself and why he hates himself is “proven” again: that he is just a burden, his only worth is his money, no one cares about him. He knows deep down that this isn’t true, but it’s easier to fulfill the prophecy than counter it bc countering it means facing his greatest fear: the possibility of being abandoned.

It was so comforting to see him face that fear and go back to Sand in episode 11 🥹 his love for Sand was more powerful and he just couldn’t bear to lose him. His abandonment issues certainly aren’t resolved (probably why he keeps suggesting threesomes as a way to force Sand to choose him and/or providing the opportunity to fulfill his abandonment prophecy) and I’m guessing it will continue to crop up in his relationship with Sand after this whole Boeing thing gets (hopefully) resolved until he finally is able to truly feel safe. (That’s another thing for abandonment issues people, we rarely feel “safe”, oftentimes security comes from knowing you’ll be abandoned bc that is the only constant). The only upside to Ray never letting himself believe he is actually worth something his whole life is that he hasn’t let himself trust people and then be abandoned all over again so there are less hurdles to jump over. Sand is a very patient and understanding person (sometimes to his detriment) so I think with even basic communication, they should be able to work through this together fairly quickly.

Wow, that was a lot of thoughts 😅 if you read this, thank you 😊

-MA

saw this in my inbox this morning and was like “oh i so cannot read that before going to class, i’ll lose it” and here i am, having lost it. and you’re so so right with everything you said.

it’s kind of funny, though, that you bring up relating heavily to ray and somewhat to sand cause i’m the opposite sjdkekd i relate a LOT to sand and can still see myself in small bits in ray. they’re both incredibly real and well written characters and its very clear what their motivations are and why they make certain choices, even if logically we know they should do other things. really i feel that way about all the characters in this show, which is why it’s so frustrating to me when people cherry pick who to be mad at and can’t be understanding of their motivations at all. this week it was sand and while i get people are protective of ray, it’s not sand’s fault that ray feels this way. yes, sand needs to be firm with boeing, but not because it’s hurting ray but because it’s hurting sand. its not sand’s responsibility to make sure ray never gets scared that sand’s gonna leave because there’s no way to prevent that because like you said, ray has abandonment issues and those are gonna keep sneaking in no matter what sand does or doesn’t do. and that’s why it’s good he’s in therapy and also why sand should probably join him because my baby needs to learn to value himself

#only friends #sandray #ray pakorn #asks #ma 🎈

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thevirgodoll · 2 years ago

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Hi Virgodoll,

Honestly idk how to feel. I’m 24 and I’ve never dated ever. Like total virgin, barely had my first kiss. I know that I have my own goals and ambitions outside of a relationship, I got my degree, worked incredible jobs and am currently transitioning into my dream job/career. However, I can’t help but feel lonely and I do want to date. It’s just tough bc of how men can be and how the dating scene is currently. Do you have any advice for late bloomers? I want to start dating but I don’t wanna just pick anyone or be “casual” sexually. Thanks xoxo

Honestly, take this from me that you want to take your time having your experiences. We are way too young to be rushing to the end result and that "goals" garbage is something you have to get out your head. If you pay attention to the aesthetics of relationships, instead of the reality, you will feel even lonelier because it's image based... like a lot of these people aren't even happy. Therefore, you need to be intentional.

I have never done the whole casual sex thing. Never... all of my college career so I guess that makes me a late bloomer as well. It really is true that you want your core experiences to be with someone you know well and are comfortable with. It's not something to play with, or to rush. With you being so ambitious, determined, and goal oriented, you need to approach dating the same way... strategic. You are inviting energy into your life that is uncertain, so treat this like a interview. They need to qualify to be in YOUR life! Take this seriously.

Don't approach it from a state of lack, but from an appreciation of experiencing another person. Make sure you see these dudes as their own individual, not for their potential. That's a huge mistake these girls make, and that's why I take pride in having very few relationships and enjoying my solitude. I do think you should date around to figure out your likes and dislikes...believe it or not this can be done without sexual relations.

More than anything, these things are a distraction so I wouldn't think too deep into it. In my opinion, it will happen organically if you start affirming it and position yourself in the right situations. With you having so many opportunities in your career, you are bound to garner interest from a business oriented man soon anyway. Make a list of what that guy looks like, and don't settle, as you have sought excellence in every facet of your life and a new relationship can literally ruin you if you compromise! Maintain your independence above it ALL.

#im not answering questions on here anymore im moving to patreon but i dont mind giving yall a few more #advice

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luffyvace · 11 months ago

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Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....Thanks...

No I don’t mind at all!! I’ve never been asked this question before and it’s really interesting so of course I’ll answer! <3

Btw this is anime only bc I only watch anime/read manga :)

1: Feitan

I love Feitan honestly bc he’s cool, hot, strong and just generally awesome. I love his personality and how fearless he is. He’s number one even though they’re were many before him because I’m crazy about him and he’s just generally my all time fav. He isn’t a “phase” I love him all the time think about him all the time..FOR YEARS.

2: Aizawa

I found out about him way before Feitan and was the original number one..BUT I don’t love him any less. He’s honestly just so cool and I thought he was as soon as I saw him. He has such a calm yet self assured and strong demeanor to him. I admire him in a sense, he has morals and sticks to them. He’s also once again, strong. He cares for his loved ones and manages to be cool and a green flag- not something all anime guys can do.

3: Izuku

Izuku is under Aizawa bc I literally started loving him directly after lol. I love him with all my heart. He’s just so determined and realistic/relatable in a sense. He strives for his goals and doesn’t give up. It’s admirable. He has such a kind heart and is a green flag. Tsu should honestly be up here bc she’s the first ever anime character I found out a about but I love izuku more- osusndkjnsjd-

4: Luffy

If I knew him for longer he would be higher. I got into one piece just recently but I still love him very much. He’s such a cool and silly guy he does no harm and is selfishly selfless. What an odd balance of getting what you want and bringing happiness. Essentially what he wants is for people (specifically his loved ones) to be happy and will stop at nothing to bring that to them. Truly only has good intent. Also who doesn’t like freedom and liberation?? This guy literally stands for that!! He stand for those who don’t have a voice and that’s so cool to me! I’m so proud of him in that sense. I also love his silly goofy vibe despite the worlds cruel ways. It’s refreshing and makes one piece a less depressing place since in a sense we’re pretty much seeing one piece from his prospective. If we saw things how zoro or law sees it, it may be a lot more realistic, a bit more drab and plain in sight. That’s my take on it anyway.

5: Katsuki

katsuki’s character development is top tier. (Spoiler) I’m not talking about him dying. I’m talking about how he went from telling Izuku to ky$ and mistreating him and others to viewing people as equals/something more than competition, apologizing and atoning for his mistakes. He did something even most grown men/women can’t do these days..smh. He even did it better than endeavor. 😂 I also like how strong he is and how much he believes in himself. It’s only a problem because of the way he expresses that but if he was simply confident I feel he’d have less haters.

6: Fyodor

honestly he just freakin cool dude! Like he’s a genius, he’s attractive and he’s got a cool/mysterious power. I like when anime characters are a different race in Japan, it just makes things more fun. I love him for his imperfections too. I saw someone talk about how (spoiler) Fyodor wouldn’t have died if he just trusted his friends/allies more. I like that about him too. It makes space for character development and realization if he lives.

7: Atsushi

I first started watch bsd a long time ago. I remember loving the first ep so much. I really like how atsushi met dazai- lol. It was all really unique and there was no overused troupes. New, fresh, stuff you wouldn’t expect. I mean unless it’s mc hating on themselves..but I didn’t dislike atsushi for it or anything. Idk why I just didn’t, I’ve loved him since he first appeared on screen. I’ve always thought he deserved better. He’s such a kind hearted character and his mental and physical strength developed well. He doesn’t have any love interests either! It makes me happy when it’s straight plot and no canon romance in anime. Honestly I just love how sincere and genuine Atsushi is.

8: Nikolai

At first I both liked and disliked him at the same time. But then again I kinda simped for him so I did research (fandom, and when he got animated) and now i love em. I really love silly characters with inner problems that they project onto different things (emotions; for Niko). It gives they’re character deeper meaning than just being a silly guy. Yeah that’s fun but it gives you more to think about this way. I think his design is very cute and fun! At first I did expect to have a higher pitched voice but as time went on I realized two things. One: his voice actually fit him and I only didn’t like it at first because it didn’t meet my imaginary standard. Two: he’s a grown man, and while it’s possible, especially with anime logic, it’s more realistic this way and I’m glad his voice isn’t high pitched now.

9: Portgas D Ace

now I absolutely love Ace and while I he’s my number 2 in one piece, over all anime’s he ranks a little lower but he’s def still up there. Again I’m still in the impel down arc so his backstory n stuff is coming up for me, so when I say he needs more screen time I mean besides that. He’s an attractive man who worked on himself from a young age to be polite and respectful, he’s very friendly as well. I love and respect all that about him. He’s another silly guy but in a different way. Idk I honestly just like him, idk how to explain it this time. He’s just cool!!

10: Saiki k

I didn’t know whether to put brook or tokito here. I would’ve gone with tokito because I’ve been watching kny longer but I feel I like him more? Saiki k is a really interesting anime. It’s a comedy anime in a regular and relatable setting but with a spin; superpowers. This gives the anime more chances for funny moments and comedy. With saiki’s attitude of wanting to be normal as well? Perfect! Saiki is honestly still relatable even with powers and is not a simp. Which I really like about him, He probably wouldn’t be on this list if he got with someone. In fact he avoids what could be love interests and that makes it even more funny. I’m glad he doesn’t give in and give us the traditional wife, babies and sunset ending. 🤦‍♀️

brook isn’t on the list but top 10 is NOT easy to choose..I also wanted to add tokito but again top ten is so limiting </3😔

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dirtbra1n · 9 months ago

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heyo dirtbrain I got two for you for that ship ask game. first is wangxian. second is zhongli & childe bc i know nothing abt genshin impact and also bc the opinions i do have kind of relate to both of these asks which is fun

hello kiri Really tickled by your second selection here. I will try to be brief, (1/137)

literally every single time I think about mdzs I have this constant incessant need to say out loud I DO LIKE WANGXIAN. to my ghost audience. because I really really do. but I’m not Compelled. there are things that compel me and wangxian’s not doing much of any of it. it’s all there already….. which is . where’s the fun in that for me…….. granted though I still haven’t read the properly localized novels yet. started reading the first one the other day but it’s at the bottom of the priority list I guess you could add this one. because there are other more pressing issues at hand. I guess it’s. I’m a terrible marriage (complicated definition) fan and wangxian are so Regular marriage. good for them! but come on guys…..

Also colored in large part probably by the way mdzs fandom was in like 2019/20 and the shredding of lan zhan’s character . different rabbithole different day I hope it’s gotten better in the time I’ve been away . I do still miss my friend wei wuxian though They could never make me hate you king…….

zhongli childe genshin impact though Ha ha. ohhh man.

boring people yaoi is the worlds most egregious crime to me and I’m NOT kidding. I think I’ve mentioned to you kiri my extensive personal genshin mindpalace. and these two are both in there as two of four major players. probably also mentioned the debaucherous tilt this entire mindpalace has happening.

the point I’m not getting at here but am steering towards anyway is that childe knows that zhongli has the power to crush him and the earth he stands on with a lifted pinky and is so into it because he’s a violence freak. and so he’s constantly trying to push zhongli’s buttons, trying to see if he can move the mountain if he just shoves hard enough, shoves in the right way, at the right time. not that there’s not also like. resentment. some complicated feelings bubbling. I wouldn’t care at all if there wasn’t. mindpalace wouldn’t exist if there wasn’t. another rabbithole for another day.

anyway zhongli feels far too old for this. consciously. he feels too old for this consciously I don’t think the boring yaoi people are wrong on principle when they put that old man in Situations. I do so myself. they’re just wrong because they’re not putting enough struggle into it. because I think that zhongli knows what childe’s after and is determined not to give him anything. and yet simultaneously will see him in the right lighting or covered in gore and think I want to eat him. no quicker way to feel your age. he was a martial god, you know. it’s not that he’s averse to violence or the eroticism of it on principle you can’t be a martial god who is Normal about violence. but if you see this twenty-something human being who is trying to rile you up, trying to get you where he wants you, and you let him… you have to be a much kinder, more feeble minded man than zhongli. work harder, gongzi. try harder.

he’s also just not immune to it is the thing. pride be damned the actual thing stopping him is probably the ‘feeling like a cradle robber’ thing

all that said on this topic I’m citing one of my favorite tweets ever

#the bookmark is me #you know who REALLY suffers from the fucking grumpy one/sunshine one curse. wangxian. BIG TIME.#anyway first thing is If you ever wanna know how depraved the mind behind blog dirtbra1n is then ask about the genshin mindpalace #i honestly probably won’t answer. i have my fun though #second thing is If you’re reading this about what terrible marriage is you can ask and immediately trigger epic-length unskippable dialogue #from a dirtbrain whose passion on the topic is something like three and a half years or so years old #i Am going to finish that fic someday. god willing or whatever #askbox #thank you kiri for asking. if i cared less about my public image i could probably keep going on the zhongli childe thing #still don’t call ‘childe’ that though. doesn’t matter i’ll go back to writing or something

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stuckinapril · 2 years ago

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I have kind of a question or need for advice? I don’t mind if followers want to respond either. This is a bit convoluted and like word vomit, but anyway:

So one of my main points of insecurity is that I’ve never had anyone ask me out or take an interest in me before. I’m 24 and never kissed anyone either. All of my sisters are much better looking (my sister was literally accepted into a modeling agency) and have boyfriends, or have had experiences. All are younger. All are on their own or living separate. I still live with my mother. She had a surprise baby when I was 21 and has been a single mom for most of my life. I get paid to watch him and love him a lot. That being said I am also in therapy for a PTSD diagnosis, related to difficult childhood issues, and had a difficult experience last year that put a stop to trying to seek independence. I’ve started another online program, but have routinely failed exams and can’t seem to get through assignments without cheating, and am going to likely fail out of one of these programs. I feel incompetent, like I’m wasting my life and completely directionless and a bit of a loser. I live in my head a lot, and probably have some maladaptive tendencies, it just feels like I can’t function, that I’m not as good as other people, then I also feeling like I’m narcissistic and can’t see things as clear as others.

I don’t know what question I have for you, but if you have any advice or thoughts even if it’s difficult I’d be happy to hear it. I just feel very lost and am alarmed at almost the nonchalance acknowledgement of these feelings.

first of all: take a deep breath & acknowledge you’re human. it sounds to me like you’ve been through some shit in the past, & that has taken your story in a direction you didn’t expect/don’t seem to be satisfied with. that is entirely ok. it also sucks to have younger sisters society would deem as more successful. i could preach how comparison is the thief of joy, but i understand why that’s really fucking hard in your position. i completely & totally get it.

ik women are led to believe they’re like. ancient by 30. but you’re only 24. just let that sink in. 24 is seriously not that long at all. it’s not a big deal you didn’t have a romantic experience by this age; more women than you would probably guess are in the same position. hell, some women literally strive for celibacy. this is not unheard of. & if you truly wanted to, an experience wouldn’t be hard to come by. dating apps have made it, now more than ever, extremely accessible to get male attention.

i’m not telling you this from an angle of “yeah it’s not as hard as u think, go make an account lol” but more so just pointing out that it’s not out of reach, to alleviate your urgency about that (if you feel any). bc you seriously could get that experience whenever you want. but it doesn’t mean you should. & while that decision will always be yours to make, my take (at the threat of sounding presumptuous) is that you shouldn’t right now. not if you want a relationship less for the companionship & more for the external validation. not if you’d use a relationship as a means to run away from yourself. a relationship should add to your happiness, but it should never be the source of your happiness. i would never tell anyone to be perfect before entering a relationship; but they should at least be in a stable-enough mental state not to fall prey to codependency. codependency will fuck you up even more. it’s better to just sort your shit out now & go from there.

it also doesn’t say anything that no man has approached you. like literally nothing about your worth at all. some women know how to present themselves as approachable, while others are more closed off & that wards off interest. it’s usually really tied less to who you as a person & more to whether you present yourself as on the market haha.

i personally don’t think living w a parent is indicative of anything tbh… like someone could live w their parent & still be entirely independent. it’s totally contextual. it seems to me like you & your mom established a symbiotic relationship, which is good. this doesn’t mean total independence isn’t off the table for you. it just seems like what you have rn is working, and that’s no crime.

you’re not a loser. at all. whatsoever. you’ve just been dealt different cards—from your sisters, from your friends, from anyone you could possibly be comparing yourself to right now. if you truly didn’t care, you wouldn’t be thinking about it with the meticulousness i can clearly sense in this ask. acknowledge that. thank yourself for seeming self aware of any potential issues you have, & your willingness to work on them. you’re literally going to therapy. that is so big. many people don’t have it in them to take that step. with time & patience for yourself, you will build the life you want for you. just keep your wants in sight, keep facing issues in therapy, keep trying to do better bit by bit. stop w the self flagellation. replace comparison w gratitude for what you currently have, and acknowledgement of what you’re capable of/what you could be falling short of. don’t settle, but don’t beat yourself up for not being where you’d like to be yet. change can’t happen in a day. as long as you keep trying, that’s literally all that matters, cliche as that may sound.

self-compassion is not laziness—it’s simply acknowledging you’re human, while also striving to improve.

nothing is out of reach. you just need to be more compassionate to yourself, & keep in mind that healing is a process that cannot be rushed. but it’s so worth it. you’re so young. it’s never too late to live the life you truly want

#ask

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