#anyways turning in to the Glass Onion while i do work

[ozzgin]

Yandere! Yakuza x Reader (V)

In a rather unlucky turn of events, you find yourself kidnapped for being in the wrong place during a gang war. Worry not, your yakuza boyfriend is at your service. Yet another bloody reason not to mess with him.

Content: female reader, organized crime, violence, gore, obsessive behavior

[Part 4] | [Yakuza Masterlist]

"Damn it!"

The scarred man throws another tile into the pile, clicking his tongue.

"I gotta say, you're pretty good for a foreigner." A second man with an eyepatch remarks, carefully inspecting his set before retrieving a tile of his own. "Pung."

You take another greedy sip of the cheap sake and slam the little cup back on the table.

"Kind of inevitable to learn mahjong when your only friends in this country are yakuza." You look up towards your captor with a frown. "You guys ever heard of board games or something?"

"Try to explain new rules to this dumbass!" A third man angrily pours himself another glass, pointing towards the first. "Fuck, I could iron clothes on that smooth brain of yours!"

"Fuck off, you're not any better." The scarred man continues his turn with furrowed brows. 

"If I were you I'd keep quiet about being pals with the yakuza. They'll question you, too, after the office guy. Don't make it worse." The man wearing an eyepatch mentions in a lowered voice. The table suddenly goes quiet.

"When is he coming out?" You ask hesitantly, bile pooling in your mouth. You already suspect the answer.

"He's not. Bodies are discarded through the back entrance." He pats the ash off and takes another drag off his cigarette. 

You swallow. 

Being involved with the Triad was not part of your new year resolutions, yet here you are about to be interrogated by the local Chinese syndicate. At least the lackeys have taken pity on you, a poor civilian caught in the middle of their rivalry. Hence the fake sense of normalcy as you chitchat at the mahjong table with a cup of sake to ease your wrecked nerves. 

"I'm guessing they won't be as friendly back there." You nod towards the door, where they took your work superior several hours ago. 

"No." 

That's all you get and you can only smile bitterly. Huh. You wonder if this is how Daitou's victims feel, helplessly waiting for whatever is brought upon them. Having to watch him unwrap his tool belt, stuffed with rusty old tools littered in blotches of dried up blood. Pondering his questions while he eyes the row delectably, hovering his hand over the potential ways to loosen up the tongue.

Would they torture you, too? Hopefully not. It should be rather obvious you're just a mere civilian. Then again, if your work superior mentioned anything about you being Daitou's girlfriend...He's never told you anything downright incriminating, but it'll be hard to convince these fellows that you truly are clueless.

Maybe they'll let you go if you offer your finger as a token of peace. Your forehead wrinkles at the thought. Isn't it more of a Japanese custom anyways? And if they say yes, then what? Do they provide you with the required utensils or are you expected to improvise on the spot?

You remember one of Daitou's seniors describing the process in great detail during the Christmas party. You had asked him about it, purely out of curiosity, and he certainly delivered almost more than your stomach was able to handle (Daitou scolded him later for telling you too much). You take the tatami mat and preferably wrap it in cloth, to soak up the blood. Any sharp blade will do, but traditionally you'd be offered a proper tantō that can easily slice through the bone. Obviously you want to cut as little as possible, so you still have some functionality remaining. Right above the joint. You must put all of your body weight into the thrust, otherwise the cut won't be clean and it turns into a mess. 

Hell. You wipe the cold beads of sweat that have formed on your face. You can barely chop an onion. Maybe one of the gangsters has enough experience and goodwill to offer to do it for you. Then you only have to clench your teeth and prepare for the blow. It can't be that bad. Surely the shock will be too great, and your brain won't even register it. Before you know it, they'll dip your hand in ice and rush you to someone fit to perform the aftercare. Yeah. That should to the trick. 

"Hey, foreigner. It's your turn."

"Leave her be, can't you see she's pale?"

You glance up and notice the men looking at you expectantly. They've already showed you plenty of kindness from the moment they shoved you in that black van with the rest of the office workers. Perhaps you can rely on them one final time. You suddenly bow, head pressing against the table. They're somewhat startled by your gesture. 

"I'm deeply sorry to ask, but might any of you be knowledgeable in blades?"

"H-huh? What for?"

You ceremoniously slam your hand onto the table, rattling the mahjong tiles. You struggle to let the words out, but try to maintain a straight face, picturing Shozo Hirono's cool attitude when he performed the deed himself in Battles without Honor and Humanity. 

"Would your Boss be satisfied with a yubitsume? I cannot offer anything else of use."

You feel a harsh hand smack against the back of your neck and you cough, taken out of your focus.

"Dumbass! What the hell are you talking about? Why would our Boss need the finger of a civilian, and a woman on top of that? 笨人!" The man with an eyepatch is red and flustered as he scolds you. The other two are holding back their snickers, amused by the scene.

"Let her! I have a knife on me right now." The scarred man comments with a grin. "Whaddaya say, kid? Or have you changed your mind already?"

"A man never goes back on his word." You bark and straighten your back, crossing your arms imposingly. 

The eyepatch man smacks you again and the other two begin clapping, terribly entertained by your tomfoolery. 

The spectacle doesn't last long. Within seconds, you jump out of your seat at the sound of rapid gunshots and scattered, erratic shouts.

Daitou bows before his Seniors and mumbles a polite, monotonous greeting. It's highly unusual to have the Lieutenants gathered at the office like this. Kazuya is fidgeting in his seat, Boss is away on a trip. What else could require everyone's immediate attendance? He makes his way to the blonde man and drops himself on the sofa, awaiting the details. 

"Wakasugi has been taken."

A chaotic murmur ensues. 

"He's been making offers for a building in a neutral area. That's where the Chinese sell their drugs and they claim it to be their turf. I hear some of our newbies got caught dealing that shit as well. Boss has been on their throats for some time now and this is their way to say fuck you."

Ah. More gang rivalry drama. Daitou presses his lips together, trying his best to hold back a yawn threatening to escape his mouth. Hopefully they'll leave him out of it, he has a date planned with you and he'd rather not show up reeking of rotten flesh. 

If you get kidnapped, think of yourself as already dead. The Yakuza doesn't negotiate. They just get their revenge tenfold. Unless it's someone important, like the Boss himself, the honorable way is to die without betraying your Family. 

"Just put a few bullets in them. Should teach them a lesson." He says while stretching. 

"Yeah, we're sending Oota and his men to deal with it. Just be on the lookout." One of the Seniors responds. 

"Still, the fucking guts on them. To show up at the office, right before our eyes-" Another man cries out, frustration in his voice.

"What did you say?" 

Kazuya flinches. He knows where this is going and he glares at the outraged yakuza, trying to silence him. Sadly he doesn't take the hint.

"Right? They just waltzed in, shot some of our guys and took Wakasugi and whoever was nearby. Heh, what are they gonna do with a bunch of office assistants? Extra weight to carry to the dump."

"Enough!" Kazuya's exasperated yell causes everyone to quiet down.

There are several confused looks being exchanged before everyone's eyes eventually rest on Daitou, now staring ahead motionless. Didn't his girlfriend work at that office? The Senior giving out the initial order has realized the mistake. He quickly clears his throat and is about to speak, but Daitou abruptly stands up and heads for the door.

"Oi! I said we're leaving it to Oota. This isn't your job." 

He tries to repeat his words with confidence, but his voice falters towards the end when faced with Daitou's massive frame. Particularly the barrel that's now pressing into his forehead.

"Mind your fucking business or I'll kill you right here." Daitou threatens.

"D-don't think Boss will help you out of this one, brat. If you go, you're disobeying your Senior."

The tall yakuza smirks mockingly. 

"See if you can run for Boss with your skull split open, bitch."

Kazuya slaps the gun aside and steps between the men.

"Just let him go. I'll take responsibility." He pleads, his friend already slamming the door behind him. 

Once the aggressor has left, everyone exhales discreetly in relief.

"He'll get us in trouble with the cops." The Senior retorts to the blonde in a berating tone.

"What else do you suggest? You know there's no way around it if he's pissed."

No one replies to what seems to be an universally agreed upon truth.

He blows out the smoke and crushes the cigarette under his foot. Fuck. He needs to calm down. They most likely haven't killed you, but if they laid a single hand on you...He's blacking out again. Whatever blinding rage possessed him back in his youth, when his Boss got wounded, would now pale in comparison. His ears are ringing and his vision is foggy. He can't even recall how he made it to their building. Or how he got past the guards. Although that one's easy to figure out, judging from their twisted throats. 

He checks his rounds one final time and kicks the heavy metal door open. Only about a dozen of them, but no sign of you yet. Should take a minute. It is time for him to pay his respects. 

"What the fuck was that?" the scarred man swiftly takes out his weapon and knocks the stool over with his foot.

If it is who you think it is...Your face twists in fear.

"Listen, you've been nice to me so I don't want to see you dead. Could you...could you leave, please? It might be someone I know and I promise you there's no point in fighting back."

The noticeable quiver in your speech might lead one to believe you're awaiting your executioner, not your savior and boyfriend. But you've seen Daitou angry and the ordeal flooded the very marrow of your bones with terror. Naturally he could never be upset at his darling for any reason, ever. Whoever poses a threat to you, however, can't say the same thing. You remember trying to pull him back from a random drunk that had groped you during an outing, and he tightly gripped your jaw with a bloodied hand and nearly ordered you in a ragged growl: "Hey. I said I'll be done in a moment. Be a good girl and close your eyes." 

Thus, from experience, you know he'd never listen to your pleas. Maybe if he was lucid enough, but not in this manic state. The man wearing an eyepatch scans your expression attentively. Your worry is genuine and the other room is gradually becoming quieter, but not in a way that'd inspire him confidence. He certainly doesn't feel like dying today and there's nothing honorable about throwing yourself into a senseless battle. He nods at the other two men and he asks you one last time if you'll be fine by yourself, to which you shake your head vehemently. Please go away already. 

The final obstacle crumbles under Daitou's weight and you fiddle with your glass, alone, at the mahjong table. He seems to be taken aback, and once he confirms you're not in any pain or discomfort, his demeanor switches within an instant. 

"Where's everyone?"

"They ran away."

"Just like that? And left you here?" He stares at you, baffled.

"Maybe there's some still in the back. These ones left because I asked them to."

He approaches you, still bewildered and confused. He looks like a lost dog.

"What? They were nice to me and I didn't want you to kill them. You never listen when I tell you to stop." You huff, pouting and folding your arms.

"Sorry. I got a little bit anxious." He kneels before you and extends a hand apologetically. "Friends again?"

"Wash your hands at least, I don't want to know what organ remains you have stuck through your fingers."

He chuckles and wipes the palm against his shirt. You follow his movements and notice the bullet wounds near the ribcage. This madman. You speedily bend to his level and remove his jacket to inspect the injuries.

"Christ. Take off your shirt and let's at least stop the bleeding before we leave. How the hell can you still stand with all these holes in you?"

Daitou unbuttons his shirt obediently and you try to wrap it around his abdomen. You notice the thick, wide scar crossing his stomach, presently smeared with blood. Either his or someone else's. 

"Now that I think about it, how did you get this scar? From a gang fight as well?"

"Oh no, I got this in prison. I was supposed to serve many more years, but one of the Seniors rang and said Boss needs me for something. They were in talks with the police chief to maybe bribe my way out. 

But I felt terrible knowing that Boss would be wasting money on my mistakes. At the time the place was overcrowded, so I figured they'd let me out for medical emergencies. So I cut my stomach open and they counted it as a suicide attempt." He responds with a proud grin. 

You grimace a little at the mental image. 

The cloth has been tightly, albeit clumsily secured around his gashes and you both get up. It occurs to you that throughout this mess you haven't feared for your life once. It feels like Daitou is always there to get you out of trouble. Despite his unorthodox methods.

You gaze up at him and notice the prosthetic eye has rolled inwards, so you adjust it slightly with your finger. He follows your romantic gesture with a quick peck on the lips. 

"You'll get yourself killed one day." You whine, tired.

"And leave you alone? Never. You're stuck with me for life."

He flashes you a wide smile and pats your head.

"Can we still go on that date?" The yakuza suddenly remembers, guiding you as you zigzag your way among fresh corpses.

So he hasn't forgotten. A faint blush dusts your cheeks.

"Sure, but I'd like to have a bath first."

"Then let's have one together." He suggests cheerfully, completely unbothered by whatever just happened.  

Tags: @yandere-city2 @lokiofasgard12 @zeniiis @lucienbarkbark @channelinglament @your-next-daydream @bath1lda @murder-hobo @zanzie

[nyxindustries]

Lock Down | Tony Stark

Fandom: Marvel Cinematic Universe

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader Insert, T.S x Fem! Reader x Older x Younger Characters, Tony Stark x Y/n! Reader

Word Count: 2,000+

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, SMUT, Dom! Tony Stark,Sub! reader, Rough Sexual Intercourse, Explicit Language, brief smacking, ‘Daddy’ Name calling, semi-Slow burn (not really), Kinky Sex, Hair pulling, Scratching, Explicit Sexual read, Unprotected sex (Wrap it before you tap it!)

| Masterlist |

Overriding the passcode to the lab since your lovely boyfriend Tony Stark officially locked himself in the lab because of stress with a new Iron Man suit.

The doors open to the lab as you step into the cold lab you see in the one single spotlight on above a hunched-over man on the table mumbling to himself as it looks like he’s trying to assemble part of a new Arc Reactor into the Iron Man suit with holograms all around him to help his work.

Setting down the tray of Tony’s favorite food on his desk that’s filled with little gadgets that you assume are new because you’ve never seen them before.

Quietly walking up to him as much as your heels allow as you stand behind him watching him build and solder a piece of metal together. It’s fascinating to you that Tony can get so lost in his work and look so beautiful while doing it, so laser-focused in his eyes with his eyebrows scrunched inward because he’s trying to make sense or putting together pieces of information in his mind, the wrinkles that appear on his forehead as his face goes relaxed.

Clearing your mind as you watch Tony's hand move to an object and your hand quickly covers the object as your free left hand snakes up his shoulder.

"Mhmm" Tony hums as he slowly looks at you and he places his hand on top of yours making you smile at him.

"Hi, how are you doing?" You ask gently and Tony gives you a look as his glasses tilt slightly.

"This Arc Reactor is not responding to the suit and I have no idea why…" Tony says quietly to you as you just nod knowing nothing about how all of this works. You're a SHIELD agent, you fight and try to save the world from aliens if possible.

"Anyways, it’s not your problem. What are you doing here?" Tony asks as he turns to you and you hand them the tray of food, which is two cheeseburgers and fries and onion rings.

"To Bring you your favorite food, thought you might need it. Put on a tray to be fancy" You joke with a weird mimic of an upper-class voice in the word ‘fancy’ making Tony smile but he doesn't laugh and he always laughs at your silliness or jokes. That's when you know he’s stressed as you watch him grab a cheeseburger and take a few quick bites as he shoves some of the fries in his mouth before turning around to the piece of the suit.

"…Tony…" you say but he goes back to soldering making you frown as you look around finding the plus as you quickly pull it out of the outlet making Tony instantly look up.

"What was that for?" Tony asks quickly as he reaches for the plug.

"Take a break! Eat something! Stop locking yourself in the lab!" You say him as you throw the plus across the room causing the soldering pen to fly across the table and fall off so Tony won’t touch it.

Tony giving you a wide-eyed look like he always does when he is stressed and when you decide to give him a break.

"Y/n-….Urghhhh" Tony groans out in frustration as he goes to get the tool but you quickly stop getting in between him and the table.

"No. Take a break." You say to him

"Make me! I need to finish this!" Tony says to you but you push him back.

"No, you’re not. Not today." You say and Tony stares at you.

"And who is going to stop me?" Tony asks and you smirk at him.

"I am, So take a break…" you say and Tony stares into your eyes as you stare back and your hands go to him.

"It will be good for you to clear your, Tone…" you say quietly as your hands slowly go underneath his shirt as he looks down at your hands.

"…y/n….I-I… I don’t have the time…I’m on a deadline." Tony says very quietly and you just chuckle.

"A deadline that’s next week…you have time and enough time to take out your frustrations too." You say as your hands skilled in what they do back off and come out of Tony's shirt as they pull your buttoned-up blouse out of pencil pencil-tight skirt, and start unbuttoning the buttons.

Tony watches you as you help you with buttons there and then until your breasts in a beautiful red lace bra are revealed.

"Take a break…it won’t be too bad." You say in the quietness that filled the air.

Tony's hands go to your waist as he lifts you to the lab table quickly. He takes one hand and clears the table with his arm by throwing everything off in one swoop with his arm, not caring about his work.

"You’re right, a break is what I need…Hey, Jarvis…Shut down the lab with soundproof…no one enters." Tony demands from his A. I just chime as the windows, doors, and glass all go dark and black with security screens from within the glass that Tony somehow installed and shut with security locks.

Staring at you as you feel his fingers crawl up your bare stomach now as his fingers hook underneath your bra and chase around to the hooks on the back that he undoes his one shot your bra falling as Tony yanks your shirt and bra off now, throwing them across the giant lab.

Tony's other hand, slides up your thigh underneath your skirt as he feels no underwear causing him to smirk, you planned this. The older man fingers gently caress your pussy causing you to shudder in pleasure for a moment as you hold your lips close so nothing can escape from them.

Seeing that smirk made your breath hitch in the quiet lab as Tony's eyes carefully trailed you up.

"Oh, no underwear…mhm that’s bad, baby girl…what if someone else saw what’s mine?" Tony questions and you just chuckle.

"Trust me, no one did…took them off right before I came in here…" you say with a smirk on your face as Tony grabs your chin tightly almost making your lips pucker as he forces you to look at him.

"You’re a brat…planning this so I can just fuck all my frustrations out on you," Tony says and you just stare at him.

"Yes." You choke out.

"How badly do you want?" He asks

"I want it hard, daddy." You choke out and Tony smirks at you as he lets go of your chin. It's bright red from his fingers.

"What else do you want?" He asks as he sees your hands slip into his pants you can see the growing tension in his pants.

"To please you daddy…" you say confidently as you push Tony back from you as you slip off the lab table completely undoing his pant button and zipper as his pants fall exposing his underwear and underneath with his hard and his growing cock.

Grabbing Tony's shoulder as you turn him around, pushing him against the table as he stares at you going down to your knees as your fingers hook the hem of his boxers and pull them down as a red throbbing big cock leaking precum springs out in front of your face making you smile. Hands grasping his cock firmly at the base as you start pumping him fast and hard making him groan out Tony's hands go to the side of the table to grip onto them as he looks down watching you as you lick your lips.

Sticking your tongue out as you lick one long strip onto his cock as Tony groans more at that sensation of your tongue as your wrap your whole mouth around him as you slowly started bobbing your head up and down on his cock causing Tony to groan out more audible moans.

Hearing his moans encouraged you even more by each one as you started sucking wildly causing Tony's hand to grab a fistful of your hair as your hands went down to hold onto his thighs tightly.

"OH FUCK! How did you get so good at this, baby? God" Tony moans out loudly as you feel him jerk himself inside your mouth making you look up at him. Bobbing your head wildly faster again as you feel Tony thrust his hips into your mouth causing his cock to hit the back of your throat you immediately felt tears well into the back of your eyes but you couldn’t care less about those tears as you for gag as Tony pushes your head into his cock making you gag even more as your mouth made his cock disappear making groan out.

Tony held your head there as your tongue swirled all around his cock and the tip like a lollipop before Tony removed your head and your mouth with a loud pop coming from the suction you had.

"I want you to take all this cum in you…You’re gonna take it, baby." Tony growls as he lifts you by your hair causing you to smile.

"U-…Y-Yesssss, Tonyyy." You slightly moan out as you suddenly feel yourself against the table staring out into the lab as Tony rips your pencil skirt off of you. Tony smacks your ass roughly a couple of times causing you to yelp as he flips you around making you look at him.

Your hands go to Tony's shoulders as he slides right into he lifts into the table causing you to moan out as your free right-hand goes up to his hair and slides through it as you gently pull his hair in pleasure as your left hand and arm go underneath Tony arm and land on his back as your nails meet his back fairly quickly with his second push into you without warning.

Feeling tight hands on your hips as Tony pushes you into his cock as he starts thrusting, pushing your tightly sealed mouth to moan out and your nails dig into his back a bit more.

The thrusts started to pick up even more causing you to moan even more as you closed your eyes still gently tugging on Tony's hair and your nails dragging against his back because you didn’t know what to do with your hairs.

Clenching around Tony tightly causes him to groan as he starts losing himself he puts a hand on your breasts massaging them as he continues to thrust and thrust wildly into you making you a moaning mess, making you get so so so much closer.

“Oh god…I’m almost there..” you moan out, and as you let go of Tony's hair he pulls you up kissing you passionately as you kiss back.

“Fuck….me too…” Tony moans out as she continues to thrusts as they get sloppier, more drawn out as he starts slamming into you harder as his cock starts to twitch in you. Tony slams into you in more time as you start cumming all along his cock he begincumming inside of you quickly causing him to groan out.

Staring at Tony as you smile at him he very slowly pulls out of you making you whimper at the emptiness. Sitting up from the table as you sit on the edge and feel Tony's cum ooze out of you as he watches with a smirk and as he leans in kisses you again as holds you close to him.

“Was that a nice break?” You ask and Tony nods.

“Oh baby, it was perfect.” Tony says as you chuckle softly hopping down from the lab table.

“Wanna take more of a break in the shower?” You ask and Tony smirks softly

“Deadline isn’t until next week…I can make some room..” Tony says with a smirk as you grab clothes and quickly go to the private back way of the lab that leads straight to your bedroom with Tony he laughs while following you.

[springgirlshowers]

hiii i hope you're doing well!! i saw that your requests are open so i wanted to ask you if you could write male reader taking care of clingy!joost while he's sick?

anyway thanks in advance <3

Sick Daze

Pairing: Joost x GN!Reader (no pronouns used!)

WC: 797

AN: i hope you don’t mind that this ended up being GN!reader, since reader is never called by any specific pronouns :p hope you enjoy!!!

What originally both Joost and you thought what was just him being jet lagged, really ended up with him catching a cold.

Once you took his temperature and realized 101° is not being jet lagged. You ushered him off the couch and into your comfortable shared bed.

He had been knocked out there for the past few hours. When you came to check in on him, sitting on the edge of the bed next to him, it took a minute for him to fully wake up.

“Hey, how’re you feeling?” You asked, rubbing his legs over the blanket.

“Mmm. Cold.” He mumbled, pulling the blanket up higher. You frowned at his messy state, hair sticking out all over the place and glasses crooked on his face.

“Here, take those off, it’ll be more comfortable.” You removed his glasses from his face, setting them down nicely on the nightstand. Finally being able to see his soft blue eyes.

“I know what else I could take off to be more comfortable.” He smirked at you, you rolled your eyes playfully.

“Oh my god, you’re sick.” You laughed at his suggestive tone.

“I am! I really am.” He pouted, putting your focus back to helping him feel better.

“What do you want me to do? Do you want me to cut-“

“Don’t.” He stopped you, pointing at you with a weak hand, “Do not make the onion joke. For the love of God, please do not.”

“Okay! Okay! I won’t!” You threw your hands up in defense. “How bout some tea instead? Chamomile?”

“Please. And can you put the honey in it like you always do?”

“Of course, liefje.” You smiled, pushing some hair out his face and then getting up.

“Hey! I’m supposed to be the one calling you that!” He giggled. You just grinned and left the room.

You put all your effort into making his tea the exact way he liked. Pulling the kettle out from the cabinets and waiting for the water to heat up.

Usually joost would just end up making his in the microwave, but he was sick, and you felt bad. And personally, you thought it always tasted better when it was made from the kettle on the stove.

Returning back to the bedroom, carefully holding one of his favorite mugs, which was shaped like the snorlax pokémon.

You held it with two hands, even though the conduction of heat was burning your finger tips.

Joost sat up and smiled, his eyes closing a bit. Gently taking the mug from you.

“My favorite.” He whispered, taking a sip from it and letting out a breath of satisfaction.

You weren’t happy Joost was sick, but you were glad he was finally getting some rest.

He was always taking care of you. Always working so hard. You were worried he was gonna work himself to exhaustion, or that he was pushing himself a bit too much. Joost assured you he was fine and happy doing what he did.

But, if he was happy that’s all that mattered.

He set the cup down on the nightstand next to you, as you began to stand up, Joost wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you back down and onto his chest.

“Heyyyy come on, stay with me.” He whined.

“I was gonna get you-“

“Stop worrying about me so much. I’m okay.” He nuzzled his nose into the side of your head, it tickled, and you let out a breathy laugh.

“I can’t help it. I don’t like seeing you unwell.”

“I feel perfectly well with you here.” If this was anyone else’s words, you’d roll your eyes and scoff. But this was your boyfriend, so you were allowed to love the cheesiness.

You turned your face to his, lips nearly grazing each other, but Joost moved his head back a bit, you frowned.

“I’m not gonna kiss you, only because I don’t want you to get sick.” You didn’t care, you were most likely already gonna get sick from being around him anyways.

“Then we’ll be sick together, and it’ll be your turn to take care of me.” You smiled, giving him a sweet peck on the lips.

Joost just let out a small hum, swaying you side to side with him.

“You want to lay down?” He asked you, head against yours.

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” You said softly, moving away to tuck yourself under the blankets with him.

Joost shifted farther down, laying his head on your stomach and moving his hands comfortably under your back, letting out a pleased sigh.

You scratched his head, surely the both of you would fall asleep in the next ten minutes like this.

And you did, both felling perfectly well, and smiles on your faces.

[luluia]

New Years With One Piece Men

Includes-Monster Trio and Ace

Warnings-Make outs, Kissing, and suggestive towards the end

A/n-Second work. PLEASE IM RUSHING THIS

Luffy

It was New Years Eve and every was getting ready. Whether it was Sanji preparing the food, Brook practicing his music for tonight, or Usopp and Franky touching up an extra special surprise for midnight. You and Robin happened to be in charge of all the decorations since Usopp was busy.

“We did it!” You said as all the New Years lights you and Robin set up turned on as you high fived Sanji brought you girls some drinks before delivering one to Nami

“I’m not really in the mood for a beverage right now,” You said yawning “Don’t fall… asleep…” You heard Chopper say to himself barely able to keep his eyes open you were glad you weren’t the only one.

Eventually once it was around 10 pm you guys started to have fun as Zoro was drinking, Franky and Usopp were doing a dance as Chopper joined in, Brook was playing music, Robin and Nami were talking, Jimbei was eating having the time of his life as he gave his thanks to Sanji for the food, And Luffy? He was shoving his mouth full

You decided to step out for some fresh air as you leaned against the balcony staring into the ocean. “Y/n. Why are you out here?” You heard a familiar voice say as you turned around to see your beloved Captain

“Just needed some fresh air. Shouldn’t you be inside having fun with everyone Pirate King?” You asked he wrapped his arms around you “It isn’t fun without you” He said as you felt your cheeks get red you immediately looked away

“I-I’ll go back inside in a few minutes so you should go-“ You said until you felt his head shake back and forth he didn’t seem to want to leave you

“Wanna hangout and talk for a bit?” You asked he nodded as you both sat down on the deck, Luffy’s head resting in the crook of your neck you smiled as he was falling asleep

“Love you. Happy New Year” You kissed his head

“Love you too, Y/n. Happy New…” He snored as you smiled

Zoro

It was New Year’s Eve as you and the other Straw Hats were at a small island celebrating the new year.

“Mind pouring me some?” You said talking to your best friend on board the notorious Roronoa Zoro he didn’t say anything and just poured some do his drink into your cup with a tiny growl

It seemed pretty clear you had a thing for the marimo but you knew he wasn’t one for romance so you never tried anything.

“You didn’t have to if you didn’t want too” You said he rolled his eyes as it was 10 minutes to midnight as some people starting clinking their glasses

“To a new beginning!” You heard some people say as it was now 5 minutes to midnight some people started making out you gagged a bit

“I don’t get the point of a New Years kiss” You heard Roronoa say

“Maybe I could show you” You flirted he scoffed as the clock struck 12 you both clinked your glasses and took a shot and right as you were about to swallow you felt a pair of lips on yours as the wine swished around between both of your mouths

You were shocked before slowly easing into it your arms making it’s way around his neck as his rested on your waist before you both pulled away to catch your breath

“You did show me the point” He said tucking your hair behind your ear as you both continued

Sanji

It was New Years Eve and as tradition you and Sanji always prepared the food together. Much to Sanji’s dismay every year.

You guys have been inseparable ever since you met on the Baratie. Whether it’d be you serving tables or making some food you guys always seemed to be together it was kind of a known thing.

“Hey pass me the onions!” You said as he handed you some you started chopping them into mini squares

“Of course Y/n my sweet!” He said helping you in anyway he can while he prepared his own dishes you two were working hard for the feast later tonight as Sanji also made drinks for Nami, Robin, and of course you

“Sanji can you test the Pasta I can’t tell if it needs more sauce” You said as he took one and bit it

“This is amazing sweetheart!” He said you smiled he had given you that nickname a while back when you two were still at the Baratie.

“I think besides the pastries in the oven we’re good to go” You said washing some plates and Sanji dried them he nodded with a cigarette lit in his mouth you took it and put it in yours

“Been needing a quick smoke” You said finishing washing the dishes but not before the cook’s nose was bleeding like a fountain as he passed out “Chopper! I accidentally did it again!” You yelled as Chopper came running in

Ace

It was New Year’s on Whitebeards crew as everyone celebrated Ace had other plans on how to celebrate…

“Happy New Year Marco!” You said he bowed his head slightly “Happy New Years to you too N/n” He said as everyone was giving hugs so did you until Ace was your last hug of the night

You two hugged “I wanted to be your first but everyone held me back” He whispered into your ear as you blushed a bit he smiled before leaning in to kiss you.

As both your lips connected like a puzzle piece everyone seemed to be celebrating the moment but you could barely hear them. You could sense anything it seemed as if you two were the only ones on Earth at that very moment.

As you both pulled away for air Whitebeard raised his cup “To a new year. And a new couple!” He said as everyone yelled celebrating congratulating you two

“I hate you sometimes” You weren’t too fond of parties so he smiled nuzzling into your neck tired and hung over you sighed before he started kissing your neck sucking on it

“A-Ace. We’re in public-“ You said as he stopped taking your hand and leading you to his room as you both sat on the bed

“I don’t know whether I hate or love you for doing that” You said as he wrapped around your waist “Mmh I’m fine with that if it means getting to have you to myself for the rest of New Year’s” He said you shrugged agreeing as he slowly undid your blouse

[twisted-wonderland-shenanigans]

Hello! I've never sent an ask to anyone before, so I don't know if I'm doing this correctly! But I seriously love your aus, so I just had to try <3

For your monster!au, do you think that there is a difference in the kinds of food they eat between monsters and humans? The kinds of food, seasoning, preparation, how it's cooked, even the degree to which something is cooked. Especially with how you mention in another post about how some species can't eat certain foods.

Like, does Yuu (female pronouns please! Or gender neutral if you prefer) come to their world and have to figure out how to cook with ingredients she's never seen before, or does Yuu just start to cook things in ways the monster bois have never seen or thought of before? Would the boys enjoy it? Would it be safe for them?

Or do you think there wouldn't be much of a difference?

Also, out of curiosity, which species would you say has the most diverse diet?

I seriously love your page! Keep up the amazing work! Stay safe and stay healthy!💙💚😃

Thank you for sending in an ask! You did it correctly, don’t worry c: And thank you so much! I’m glad you love the AUs so much to send something in! ;;v;;

To a degree, the food being cooked in the Monster!AU would be different depending on the species. I know I’ve pretty much beaten the grape incident into grape juice already, but while some may be okay with eating it, other students can’t due to it being toxic (I looked it up, and cranberry wine is a thing. That means Crewel can still enjoy a glass of wine, and it’s possible that the monsters/ghost chefs would use it in cooking instead of grape-based wines!). The same could be said for certain herbs and spices that we take for granted being something that can make them sick or can be just as toxic as grapes, like onions or garlic. Chocolate can still be a thing for some species, but carob is the main alternative that’s available—which means Yuu will still have access to it at least!

There’s also an extra sensitivity to citrus based scents. Using citrus juice to cook something like ceviche for example would be difficult, as not many can even get past the smell even if the taste itself is amazing. Funny enough, there’s actually this one manga I came across called “His Majesty the Demon King’s Housekeeper” that actually touches up on this fact as citric acid is one of the few ways to clean certain stains off surfaces, but most of the cleaning staff in the mansion couldn’t stand the smell of the orange peels until it was turned into a powder form by the demon king. It’s such a cute manga, and has lots of helpful tips too, so it’s a win-win!

If you can’t tell by now, Slice-of-Life manga and stories are my jam. I love when they touch up on things that we don’t normally think about and put a spin on things! >v<

Anyway, as you can imagine, if (and that’s a major IF) we were strictly to focus on the ingredients we know in our world, recipes would have to be tailored to be suitable to each species to avoid causing issues while ensuring that each student has the right nutrients needed to sustain their bodies. This would have resulted in having to find alternatives that are safe for students to enjoy while still being able to ensure safety to avoid severe allergic or otherwise dangerous reactions to having something they shouldn’t.

That would be one helluva menu to try to cater to when you can’t use certain seasonings to flavor things. Good thing Crowley has those ghost chefs to work with the menu, because I certainly couldn’t fathom the mental gymnastics of creating that kind of menu! @.@

But to put it in perspective, it’s like trying to give chocolate to a cat or dog when we have alternatives such as carob as I mentioned earlier. Or how people who are lactose intolerant have almond or oat milk or even goat milk as an alternative, or how there are gluten-free alternatives for those who can’t have it due to celiac disease. Just to name a few examples anyway, since I know there are people out there who have restrictive diets due to health reasons.

Thankfully, these guys aren’t entirely missing out on flavor since in Twisted Wonderland—much like how they have unique flowers and plants such as mandrakes right around the corner—I’m sure there’s no limit to the types of ingredients that can be used to cook with! In fact, I’m reminded of this manga that I’ve stumbled across that I gotta start from the beginning known as “Delicious in Dungeon”. Basically, it’s where the characters are traveling in a dungeon and they not only find monsters and creatures to hunt and eat (not like there’s a grocery store or market inside a dungeon), but also demonstrate how to prepare and cook using the ingredients found in the dungeon as well as the creatures themselves. It just looks so delicious whenever they show the results and what you can do with the extra stuff you can’t eat!

But I digress. ^v^;

This means that Yuu will have lots of new ingredients to try and explore in various dishes, and this also means new opportunities to learn new recipes! Imagine what you’d be able to learn during the Master Chef event too!

So…what happens when you have a female human who has excellent taste buds and a love of cooking and also loves to cook for others? You’ve got a whirlwind of ingredients flying around and waves of delicious smells wafting through the air leading many drooling students investigating the source (and trying to sneak a bite).

Iron-stomach gourmet Grim is the one who gets to enjoy Yuu’s experimental cooking at first. After all, why shouldn’t he be able to enjoy the spoils of his hench-human cooking for him? He’ll try guiding her with his knowledge of flavors and what tastes good, and she learns which seasonings to use for each dish whenever she talks to Trey or Jamil or even Azul. His bragging of being the first to try true human cuisine wound up drawing in the first years, many curious to see her in action while others hoped to try and sneak in a free meal.

Imagine if she cooked two-three meals a day: mini waffles and giant pancakes that are several inches thick? She’s adding various fruits and berries and pairing it with the perfect syrup! Homemade chicken or beef soup? Simmering with noodles boiled to perfection! Roasted pork and beef stew? Veggie stir-fry? Baked fish? Burgers? Pizza??? Nothing is off the table when Yuu is in the kitchen! And don’t get started on the different desserts she could whip up with Trey!

Soon enough, word would have spread around the school about the human’s delicious cooking and it won’t be long before Yuu has visitors around every meal time.

/////

Yuu:*whisking eggs as the rice cooks* “Breakfast’s almost ready, Grim!”

Grim: “Hooray! Omurice cooked human-style~!”

Knock-knock-knock!

Yuu: “Come in!” *pouring the egg into two skillets before looking up* “Oh, hey guys!”

Ace: “Hey, Yuu! Whatcha making?”

Yuu: “I’m making omurice. I asked the chefs in the cafeteria how to make it and…wait…” *narrows eyes* “Did you guys come here just to get breakfast?”

Deuce: *sheepish* “Sorry, Yuu…we just really like the way you cook.”

Yuu: *sighs and smiles* “It’s okay. Next time, just let me know ahead of time so I can prepare more, okay?”

Grim: “Don’t even think of taking my portion!”

Ace: “Aww, is that any way to treat guests, Yuu?”

Yuu: “Grim, be nice.”

Grim: “What?! That’s not fair!”

Deuce: “I can wait my turn. Is there anything I can do to help?”

Yuu: “Could you chop up some more veggies and measure out the rice? Ace and Grim can have the first two, then we’ll have the next batch.”

Grim: “Stop encouraging them!”

Ace: “Oi! As if you don’t eat the food at the Unbirthday Parties!”

Grim: “Oh yeah?! Well I-mfh!?”

Ace: “Mfhg!?”

Yuu: *dusts hands after shoving two meat buns into their mouths* “There will be no fighting in my kitchen, you hear me?”

Ace and Grim: “Yeth m’m…”

/The Next Day/

Yuu: *standing in the doorway with a bowl of pancake batter* “…are you here to socialize or do you want to try some of my cooking?”

Silver: “Fa-I mean, Lilia…decided to cook breakfast today. He wanted to try and cook some old human recipes, but…”

Sebek: *looking mildly nauseous* “I did what I could to protect Lord Malleus, but…human food should not look like that.”

Yuu: “Ah, okay. Come on in. I’ll get another batch ready, so help yourself to the ones on the table! There’s fresh fruit and whipped cream there too.”

/////

I have a feeling that Yuu would be getting a lot of visitors from Diasomnia on days that Lilia does the cooking, and I’m sure she’ll be more than happy to feed them too! 😌

As for the “food bribes”…well, it’s kinda hard to argue with the results. Especially when they can be very valid trades. Yuu wants a specific utensil to make that special treat or meal? You’ll get first dibs on the finished dish!

Oh no, Yuu needs help with this potionology assignment and made too many cupcakes to eat by herself! If only someone could come and help with both…

As you said, there are many possibilities of how Chef!Yuu could take advantage of their knowledge and skill around the kitchen! And before I forget, if I had to choose which species would have the most diverse diet…I would have to say it’s a tossup between the basilisks and the faun and satyr species. Basilisk can essentially eat nearly anything without much issue as their stomach acid is strong enough to even digest rocks and crystals, whereas faun and satyr can eat most any plant and fruit or vegetable imaginable and can tolerate some forms of meat without issue. Though if you really want to enhance the dietary variety possibilities, Epel and Trey would have this in the bag as these two are hybrids of two different species, making them truly omnivorous like humans!

[demonvampire180writes]

It Was Dinner and a Movie

Pairing: Buck/Tommy

Rating: Teens and Up

Trigger Warnings: Mild homophobic language

Word Count: 3,406

Completion Status: Complete

Ao3 Link: It Was Dinner and a Movie

Like one would expect, the bar was crowded for a Friday night, basically every seat from end to end occupied with folks waiting to be seated.

Buck and Tommy wove their way through bodies, Buck’s pinky linked around his boyfriend’s, searching for an empty table. In the far back corner, Tommy spotted a hightop just being cleaned off and, with their linked hands, gestured to it. Buck nodded and made a beeline for it, just as another couple laid eyes on it. Scooting into it Buck cried, triumphant, “This table is ours!” He whooped and Tommy couldn’t help but chuckle as he slid into the seat across from him. It was only a two top so they, unfortunately, couldn’t sit next to each other but that was fine. Tommy preferred looking at the younger boy's face head on anyway.

He was a vision after all.

Smirking, Tommy kept the comment to himself and settled in, leaning back in the chair with his hands clasped on the table. A few minutes later, a harried looking waitress approached them, a tablet in hand. “Evenin’ boys, what can I get cha?” Her accent was thick, made thicker, he was sure, by the bags under her eyes and the messy blond bun with hair sticking out every which was as though it had been thrown up in a rush and hadn’t been brushed smooth in a long while.

“Can we get a pitcher of whatever IPA you have on tap, and do you want to start with a basket of onion rings?” He glanced at Evan who gave him a nod of approval. “That will be all for now, thanks.”

“Sure thing, hun.” She smiled tiredly at them, laid down two generic beer branded coasters, and turned on her heel to serve another table. Both men watched her go.

When she was out of earshot Evan muttered, “Man do I not miss my customer service days. I loved it, but when days were rough they were rough.”

“Oh, so, you mean like your job now?” Tommy asked wryly, eyebrow quirking. His boyfriend leaned across the table and smacked him in the chest with the back of his hand. He didn’t hit him hard but Tommy rubbed at his chest with a pout anyway.

“You deserved that.” The waitress came back then with a pitcher full of dark beer and two glasses of water that she sat down on the coasters. She then placed two empty glasses down and motioned with the pitcher as if to fill them. Evan held up a hand and said, grinning that grin that made a woman’s panties melt, “We’ve got it, no problem. Thank you.” Her shoulders seemed to sag in relief as she placed the pitcher in the center of the table.

“Onion rings should be out soon.”

Tommy held out a placating hand. “No hurry. We’re not in a rush.” She seemed to relax even further, saying no more as she once again turned and disappeared back into the crowd. “Now, do you mind telling me why you think I deserve your abuse?”

“For being a sass master, obviously.”

“Just when did I sass you?” Tommy asked as he filled first Evan’s glass, and then his own, taking a long dreg of it with a smack of his lips to finish. Whatever the waitress had chosen tasted fantastic, though it was on the hoppier side of what he’d usually drink.

He mumbled something under his breath that sounded vaguely like your entire existence is sassing me but he asked anyway, “What was that?”

“Oh nothing.” He sing songed. “I was just saying that being a firefighter is different. We’re not servicing customers, we’re helping people in need.”

“You could argue that customer service people also help those in need.” Tommy replied, unable to help himself. His grin grew at the pout on Evan’s face that stayed even as he gulped down half his beer.

Snorting in a not so eloquent way, Evan replied, “Helping a person whose coupon doesn’t work is not the same as saving one from say… a capsized cruise ship in the middle of a hurricane while your not-yet-hot-pilot-boyfriend saves the day, even making fake mouth static at the fire chief.”

“Oh? Tell me more about this hot pilot not-yet-boyfriend?” His nose crinkled in that adorable way it did when he was teasing as he winked at Evan.

“That’s what you took away from my complaint about comparing apples to oranges?” Evan reached across the table and took one of Tommy’s large hands in between them and began to play with his long, elegant fingers, seeming to not even care who saw.

At that moment, Tommy really registered how much things had changed, even in the short three months they’d been official. Gone was Evan’s hesitation in showing public affection; they held hands when they went for walks; they kissed when they would meet each other at their stations, despite the guaranteed wolf whistles; there was no hesitation in leaning into Tommy anytime he could, just so he could soak up his warmth. Even now, as they sat there, hands together, Evan seemed to tune out the world. Their first date, Tommy had told him that nobody was looking; that nobody had cared. They just looked like two friends hanging out. While that was true back then, now there were definitely some eyes on them - not all of them friendly - and Evan Buckley couldn’t have given any fewer shits.

It made Tommy’s heart swell with pride, and happiness. It was moments like these where he thanked all his lucky stars that he had allowed himself to give this baby bi a second chance. He had the opportunity to show him off just like any other man. It settled some sort of deep, primal instinct in him. The part of him that felt the need to mark, and claim, what he believed to be his. A shiver ran down his spine at the image that thought created, and he had to shove it away before he got arrested for a public indecency charge. Evan cocked his head to the side with a look of confusion. Tommy just smiled and turned his hand over so they were palm to palm, fingers intertwined.

The rest of dinner went as smoothly as one could hope for a busy Friday night - the food came out a little cold, but still edible - and their conversation flowed when they felt a need to speak, and the silences felt comfortable when they didn’t feel the need to fill it. Two whole pitchers of beer disappeared as they finished up, their waitress appearing like magic. “Will this be together or separate?”

“Together.” Evan replied instantly. She didn’t even bat an eye as she rattled off the total. Before Tommy could protest, Evan had pulled out his card and handed it over, grinning smugly as he signed off on the receipt.

“This was supposed to be my treat, Evan.” He couldn’t hide the slight hurt in his voice. This was their do over and that meant him paying for the baby bi that hadn’t even known he’d liked boys until a few months ago. To his surprise Evan stood and came around the table just to drape his arms over his shoulders, wrapping his hands at the base of his neck and playing with the loose curls there. “Evan?” He asked, looking up into his man's eyes seeing as Evan was the taller one at the moment. Tommy felt compelled to put his hands at Evan’s waist, pulling him between his legs. The noise around them disappeared and he got lost in those baby blues until he felt a less gentle tug at his hair. Giving his head the slightest shake to clear it, he returned to pouting.

“Do you remember me telling you that I owed you a beer, and you said, and I quote ‘and you still owe me that beer’?” Tommy nodded, his fingers sneaking under the hem of Evan’s shirt just for that minute amount more skin contact. “Okay well, do you also remember when we went out on that first date I made a total fool of myself and then you snuck around and paid for the check?” Tommy’s cheeks pinkened but he didn’t back down, pushing his plump bottom lip out even further instead. Evan shocked him with a dive bomb kiss, earning him a little baby ‘hmmm’ of surprise. Pulling away he had that crooked little grin on. “Well you’ve kept spoiling me ever since and haven’t given me the chance to buy you that beer.”

“I like spoiling you.” He replied, maybe sounding a wee bit petulant at the idea that Evan didn’t like being ravished with gifts like a dragon gifting shinies to his pretty.

Evan’s body shook with suppressed laughter, the barest snort escaping between his pursed lips. “And I love to be spoiled.” He booped Tommy on the nose, chuckling at the way he scrunched it in protest. “Well I think I’ve thoroughly repaid that debt. So about that movie. You’re not gonna leave me at the curb after telling me I’m adorable again, are you?”

Tommy couldn’t help himself. He swatted Evan’s ass as he pushed to his feet so that he could stare down into his boyfriend’s eyes. “Only if you promise me to behave, you scoundrel.” Oh the way the man’s eyes actually glinted with mischief. “I don’t even want to know what you could possibly be thinking right now.”

Leaning in close, breaths hot against Tommy’s ear, Evan whispered, tone husky, “And if I don’t behave are you going to spank me, Daddy?” An uncontrolled shiver ran down through the pilot’s toes, a certain part of him starting to rally. He had to quickly shove all those feelings in a box or they really would be skipping out on the movies again.

“Evan.” He half heartedly chastised, pushing him away, putting enough space between them that he could no longer feel the heat rolling off of the younger man. Was it hot in here? Sweat trickled down his neck. He rolled his shoulders and then his head, catching it in the collar of his flannel before it could go any further. “At this rate we’ll never be able to catch a movie together.”

“Right at this point in time, I’m not sure I’d be too disappointed if we didn’t.” Evan bit his lower lip and looked up at Tommy through his lashes. Tommy groaned and pointedly turned away so he couldn’t be swayed by those damn eyes. Behind him, Evan laughed quietly enough it was almost to himself. Shaking his head, Tommy reached back, groping until he caught Evan’s hand, this time being the one to lead them through the crowd.

Once outside, Tommy used his phone to call for an Uber. On the way to the theater, the two of them snuggled close together to browse through the movie listings, debating the pros and cons of each one. Tommy, of course, wanted to see the rom-com playing that starred Ryan Reynolds (Evan totally ribbed him about only wanting to see it because a hot man was playing the lead.) Evan, who was woefully uneducated in the way of cinema, wanted something with more action and less narrative.

Tommy, being the great boyfriend that he was, and also because he loved a good action movie himself, caved in the end. Arriving at the theater, the two hopped in line for tickets, Tommy buying two for the most recent Marvel universe addition. Evan thanked him, cheeks turning the most beautiful shade of pink and Tommy couldn’t help but lean over to peck him on the cheek. His face lit up and he wrapped himself around Tommy’s arm, Tommy’s hands stuffed in his pockets.

Although they’d just eaten dinner, Tommy declared that you couldn’t see a movie in theater without popcorn and a soda. It just wasn’t a thing that happened. So the two of them made their way to the concession line, in que behind about five other people. Once situated, Evan pulled out his phone to start looking up both movie, and Marvel, facts. Smiling, Tommy slipped an arm around his back, snaking his hand into Evans left back pocket. Almost subconsciously the man snuggled deeper into him, allowing Tommy to tuck him in tight. As the line moved, Tommy guided him along, allowing him to geek out. He babbled a hundred miles a minute, coming out with fact after fun fact making Tommy grin.

People filed in behind them which Tommy didn’t even register until there was a commotion. A loud voice, male as far as he could tell, made a sound of pure disgust before whining, “Man, these fags are everywhere. Can’t even take my girl to the movie without them all up in my space. Hey, homo’s.” Tommy just rolled his eyes and kept shuffling Evan along. Thankfully the man hadn’t seemed to notice being called out. (That, or he wasn’t exactly keeping an ear out for others' disgust because he’d lived a heteronormative life up until Tommy came along.) Unfortunately the guy didn’t let up. “Hey you faggot, I’m talking to you.”

Sighing, Tommy craned his neck around hoping that, if he gave him what he wanted, the guy would just leave him alone. The man making the fuss was a white guy wearing jeans at least two sizes too big - he had them sagged so far down he basically had diaper butt - and an open short sleeve flannel with a white tank-top underneath. He wore a crooked red baseball cap over his close cropped white-blond hair, Dumbo ears keeping it floating over his skull like it had a trick wire attached. Next to him stood a curvy, but petite, Latina girl that was way out of this dudes league with her thick, wavy black hair she’d pulled into a half-up ponytail, the part pulled up done in two French braids that were tied together to make the ponytail down her back, and immaculate make-up. She wore a gorgeous sunflower yellow crop top that sort of had the peplum look around the bra band area and a slim fitting denim skirt that sat just beneath her bellybutton. While not an hourglass shape, her slightly larger hips and narrower chest made her outfit the perfect image. Even Tommy, a gay man, could appreciate her beauty.

To at least her credit she looked embarrassed for her boyfriend. She grabbed his arm and tried, futilely, to hush him. “Brad, shut up. Leave them alone.” She gave a half hearted apologetic smile to Tommy.

“No, you shut up. I’m sick of these freaks being able to run around free like it’s normal. Are you telling me you think it’s fine, babe?”

The woman blushed but didn’t let go. “They’re not doing anything, just let them alone.”

The man, Brad shook her off and took a step closer to them, brandishing a finger that he jabbed at them. Evan had finally noticed what was happening and his entire body stiffened, his lips drooping into a frown. Tommy’s blood began to simmer, this close to its boiling point. “If y’all wanna do that gay shit do it at home and leave us normies out of your freakiness.”

Oh that was it. Tommy had heard enough of this rhetoric since even before he came out and he was done with it. He could handle the heat, he was used to it, but Evan didn’t deserve to hear this shit. Not on date night. Not ever, really, but that was neither here nor there. Leaning in he pressed a kiss to his boyfriend’s temple before turning his attention fully on the brat thinking he was a man. Other patrons around them shifted uncomfortably. Tommy was a big man, he had a large presence even when he wasn’t trying to, and Brad was (attempting to) exude alphaness. He sneered with disgust as his date stepped back, clutching at her bag, biting at her bottom lip. Not that Tommy necessarily needed her to step in, but it was quite clear that she felt like she’d done all she could to tone the situation down.

“Listen here, and listen close.” Tommy growled, taking just one step towards their aggressor. “I have been dealing with men like you longer than you’ve probably been alive. And one thing I’ve learned about all those men? They are nothing but scared little boys under all their bluster. A limp, cold, hot dog has a better chance of keeping their wives and girlfriends happy because all their yapping is to make up for the fact that they can’t get their girl to orgasm. They bark like chihuahua’s because they know that if men like me went after their girls, there’d be no one left to settle for your weak, pale, ass.”

Brad snarled, cheekbones bright ride with his rage, and tried to lunge but Tommy put out his hand and held him back without breaking a sweat. “How the fuck would you know what a girl wants, huh? You’re too busy fucking boy pussy.”

Tommy grinned with a feral edge and he leaned in a little closer to breathe, “At least I know how to bring my partner to an O. Over. And over. And over again. Maybe check yourself before you start spouting bullshit. As a gay man, I guarantee I still know how to pleasure a woman better than you ever will.” With that he shoved Brad back and he went stumbling until he fell flat on his ass, gaping up at the pilot, mouth flopping like a fish with his loss for words. Flaring his nostrils at him, he turned his attention to his date and asked, “You alright, darling? Sorry for all this fuss.”

She blinked her large brown eyes at him and nodded. “N-no, I’m sorry he ruined your date night.” Her eyes flicked from Brad and back. “He doesn’t know when to keep his mouth shut.” Tommy cocked one side of his lips up in a smirk and winked. Her cheeks reddened as a small smile curved her own lips. After a second, she reached down to pull Brad to his feet, who had been screaming and whining the entire time about her not dropping everything to help him immediately like a good woman.

Tommy couldn’t hear what she was saying, she was hissing at him through clenched teeth, but he had no doubt that things were not going to end on a positive note for him. Finally he turned his attention back to the person who mattered and found Evan staring at him with stars in his eyes. He didn’t have time to ask why because it was their turn to order, they’d held up the line with their scuffle, so it would have to wait.

Once they’d procured their treats and were on their way to their auditorium, Evan grabbed Tommy’s arms and stopped them, turning him so he was facing the man. “I’m so sorry about all that, Evan. You shouldn’t have to hear shit like that.”

To his surprise Evan laughed, long and loud before saying, “Tommy, do you even understand how damn hot you are when you go all feral caveman?” Evan leaned in and captured his lips in a breath stealing kiss, even pressing his tongue in to tangle with a deep seated need. The heat from earlier returned and Tommy really began to question whether they actually needed to see this movie tonight. When they broke, Evan remained close, speaking directly into his ear, “You are so lucky we’re in public right now. When we get home, you’d better start praying because I swear I’m going to make you see God. Over. And over. And over.” He grabbed Tommy’s earlobe between his teeth, sucking before biting down.

Tommy groaned deep in his throat. When Evan leaned back, his face was flushed as he linked their hands once more, leaving Tommy’s regret to grow with every passing moment.

Their first day may have been a total flop but Tommy was beginning to think that maybe it had all been worth it after all. Squeezing Evan’s hand, he looked forward to what their future would bring, five minutes from now, five years from now, and beyond.

He’d found his match and no one would ever compare.

[moonlight-sonata99]

Walk the line

Trigger warnings: domestic fights,talk about addiction, suicide mentions. Loss. Alot of cussing.

No.1

Mikey

Carmy Berzatto x reader

A/n: I love carmy bro - but yea, this is uh..a passion project, honestly. I haven't wrote in a hot minute. But..I feel confident. Btw. This story will focus alot on addiction, not the Reader specifically, though. But her dad.

Slow burn/angst/comedy

The sounds of furniture falling and glass breaking behind the door as it Slams open and her face is red and her chest rises up and down quickly as the man behind her on the floor his cheek red from the hit he received from his daughter as his wife stands beside shocked, unable to move the only sound was them getting their stuff and leaving before making their way out the door they looks back and points their finger at the man who's cheeks are red his left a bit bloody

"Dont fucking talk to me unless you've been sober for a year. you hear me?" They breathe out as their mom calls out to them as they turn their back to their parents and rush away. Only leaving the cries of their mother and their father left on the floor as the sound of the ambulance gets closer and closer. 

That was a while ago.

Since then, i think i've done well. Maybe. Got a job at some restaurant,the boss is cool. The coolest boss I might have had Honestly. Micheal Berzatto, AKA… Mikey, I've known him about… maybe a few months now? It's been a while since I've been "away" from home, anyways yea. Been working at this cool joint called the beef. Everyone feels like one big friend group. Yeah, it's really nice. I got a nice apartment, too. Well, " nice" is better than any other house that deadbeat ever got us.

 Anyways, yeah. I hope you've been well ma. I sent you money with this. Don't try to send it back. And don't let that asshole see you with it.

I'm doing good, So don't worry.

With much love. 

"Hey,speaking of assholes, what's the big deal with this brother?" You ask, looking down at the piece of onion you were cutting as mikey cooked behind you. 

"Asshole? Ooh you mean my brother carmy? " He replies, keeping his gaze on the meat. 

"yeah"

"Well there's a lot to say about him " he breathes out but a smile can obviously be detected in his voice 

"Well then tell me about him genius" 

"hes not your type " Tina chimes in as the rest laugh,

"Thats not- Okay, maybe that's why i asked. But if you really say so, " you reply, shrugging and putting the knife down and leaving the onions to grilI as - you turned to look at him. But he kept his back to you as he began to speak.

"no yeah- Carm… little brother Carmen. he's a chef in some fancy restaurant, nice right? " He admitted, watching the knife gliding through the meat smoothly.

"for real?" you gasped out looking at his back,

"for fucking real."

Remembering when that had happened. Mikey had a smile on his face when he spoke about his brother. Later on, you learned the two weren't on speaking terms. A part of you cursed yourself out of even having the gall to ask about a slightly  sensitive topic, but another part of yourself felt...good to know at least he didn't hate his brother, Who'd want to hate their own siblings? 

You knew better than to intervene.

It was february 21st, as you gathered your sweater, in the corner of your eye, you noticed Michael sitting in his office looking at a small white envelope. 

"Hey, mikey," you guy, as you knocked lightly before entering his office, and he looked up his eyes, meeting yours.

" hey- " he coughed  " hey whats up? " he said, rubbing his nose with the tips of his fingers. 

" I should be asking you that '' you reply, putting on your bag.' You okay ? You've been… out of it these past few days. '' You say, tilting your head slightly.

"Im good" he mumbles out his hand over his mouth as he nods. 

" Okay … if you ever need anything, just call me. Okay?" 

" Gotcha," he says as you nod and make your way outside.

"hey uh be careful " he yells out as you heal out the door and the leans against his office door frame as you turn your head back to look at him.

" Yeah you too mikey" 

Hey ma, me again. It's been a hot  minute since I sent you a message. in terms of like… talking. i just wanted to check up on you. Make sure everything is okay, y'know? i'll be honest. I haven't been doing so well. if were being honest…  I lost a friend. a good friend. Mikey, he Uh… Comitted  suicide. and i don't know how to feel. Well,I feel sad. I spent… all week crying. 

Yea i have brothers, but Mikey felt like the brother I never had.

due to moving so much as a kid, i didn't have any friends.

no girlfriends, boyfriends.

i didn't want any if i'm honest.

but Mikey changed that.In terms of friendship I mean.

i remember when i first met him, i was about to blow him off because he was pestering me about his  restaurant. i mean, i was working for Petes sake. But he was loud,

and i gave in.

after that he let me into his family, albeit made of people working in a restaurant.

you know that thing when Companies say their employees are family and it's usually bullshit??

Yea,Mikey always meant that shit. 

 

Ritchie told me his brothers were coming to take over. I'm not sure how to feel about it . The asshole didn't even come his funeral. Anyway, yeah, that what has been up with me. Sorry for suddenly dumping all of this on you.

i lost a good friend. 

A/n: I really like writing for this series, honestly. Please tell me if you guys want more :]

[plscallmeeren]

A M E R I C A N W O M A N

Jennifer Walters x Reader

Request: Yes

Summary: you (fem reader) love to cook and spoil your girlfriend (Jen). This was a short one sorry :/ have been very busy (six weeks traveling India there's a lot to see)

Warnings: Swearing

Word Count: 600+

You hummed along to 'Glass Onion', singing a few words every now and then when you were sure about what they were. The rice boiled over while you were distractedly peeling tomatoes. "Fuck," you murmured, turning that stove off and wiping away some of the water.

I told you 'bout the fool on the hill, Lennon sang - you thought it was him - instantly making overcooked rice seem inconsequential as you joined in again. The song came to a close as you poured the tomatoes into the pot.

Kadhai Paneer was one of Jennifer's favourite curries, one you loved cooking for her whenever you had time. 'Lucifer Sam' by Pink Floyd blasted through your speakers and you whirled around dramatically when the lyrics began.

Keys rattled in the door and you jumped to attention, cursing under your breath. You knew you should have started earlier.

Before you knew it, Jen's steps were dragging through the apartment, tired eyes scanning the kitchen. She was obviously exhausted from a long day at work, but she smiled nonetheless. "You cooked again? What is that, it smells great... wait." She looked at you seriously. "You didn't."

"I did." You grinned, turning the music down a bit and rounding the counter to peck her on the lips. "Kadhai Paneer, dal, chapatis." You kissed her again, this time on her forehead. "You look beautiful. And tired."

"Such a sweet-talking devil," she cooed, laying her arms around your neck. "Can I help somehow?"

"Forget it. Lie down on the couch and rest. You're my hardworking American woman, after all." You smirked, hearing the song switch to 'American Woman' by Muddy Magnolias. "Do I look like, the step all over me type? I'm a whole lotta grown-ass American woman!"

Jen laughed, pressing her face against your shoulder. "Please don't turn the music down. I'll just watch you from the other side of the kitchen like some creep, okay?"

"Wouldn't dream of having it any other way," you said defiantly, leading her groggy form to the couch so she could collapse onto the plush seating. You gently massaged her shoulders just long enough so that she would relax with a great heaving sigh.

She lay splayed in a star shape, eyes on you relentlessly. Every now and then they fell closed by accident, but mostly her smile infected all her expression.

You waltzed back to the kitchen, spooning the rice and dal into separate bowls, head nodding. She chuckled as you put on a bit of a show, twirling and swaying as you set down plates and cutlery.

Next, your playlist treated you with another Pink Floyd, but a slow one. You calmed your movements somewhat, taking strides that matched the melody as you finally turned the last stove off.

Long you live and high you'll fly

Smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry

And all you touch and all you see

Is all your life will ever be

"I don't know this one," Jen breathed, sitting up slowly, "but it's moving."

"Yeah, I think so," you whispered, sitting down and serving both your plates. "Makes you think, anyway."

Jennifer smiled, sat across. "Thank you for doing this. Now, but also in general. I don't know whether I show my gratitude enough."

"Save your good words for work," you laughed. "I love doing things for you. And if food makes you happy, then food it is."

"Food definitely makes me happy."

"Why, marvelous." She actually giggled, and you had to stop yourself from kissing her over the table. "Bon appetit."

"Right back at you. You're a great dancer, by the way."

"I know," you said smugly, but your insides went all warm and fuzzy anyway.

Jen had some spoonfuls before scooping with her chapati hurriedly. "Oh my God, this is good."

"Always the tone of surprise." She stopped, tilted her head with a look that said 'really?' in a board sort of voice. You loved that look.

[sibillascribbles08]

U know I like never give fictional characters birthdays mainly cause it's a hassle to keep up with, but I had to give Jase one for a plot thing in that post movie fic I wrote for him soooo

Hey it's Jason birthday, have a drabble about his first birthday after moving back in with his dad, if you want.

The smell of roasting onions finally broke Jason out of his sleepy haze. He sat up in bed, taking a second to make sure he wasn't imagining it, before tossing away his sheets. Damn it. He told his father more than once that breakfast was his job. And what was he doing up this early? He didn't work today and he always slept in when he didn't. Jason double checked the clock to make sure he wasn’t seeing things. Nope. Not even seven yet. 

He grabbed a shirt and put on his glasses before heading downstairs. He could hear the pan now, hear his father's quiet humming. That was unusual. These days the man would sing his lungs out whenever he cooked. 

Jason stepped into the doorway. "Dad! You didn't ask to cook breakfast."

His father jumped, but not enough to bump into the hot pan. Looked like some kind of omelet. "Ack, Jase, you weren't supposed to be down here yet." He clutched the spatula close to his chest, glancing at his son and then the pan. 

Jason crossed his arms. "I could smell that, Dad. Just what's—" Only now did he look at the table, seeing the box wrapped in colorful paper and topped with a bow. 

Oh. That's right. Today was—

"Morning, Jase." His father gave him a smile before turning his attention back to the pan. "Happy Birthday." 

Jase opened his mouth, but couldn't find the words. 

"I wanted to surprise you with breakfast so uh, surprise? I'm making gilgeori, er, breakfast sandwiches."

"I remember the name." Jason mumbled, though he couldn't remember the last time he had one. Hell, it must have been before the divorce. Did he still like them? Might as well find out.

"Sadly I can't cook eggs as well as you can, but hopefully it'll taste good." His father laughed. 

Jason kept standing there for a while as his dad cooked. He looked again at the gift, then the card next to it, and the still steaming cup of tea placed on its matching saucer. 

For a moment, his skin tingled, and he wondered if he was dreaming. Suddenly he felt seven years old again, or maybe even younger, because his father used to always do this on his birthday. Treating him to breakfast and leaving a present where he could easily find it, even on a school day. Sometimes he swore the man got more excited about it than Jase did. 

Then the divorce happened, and a lot of the celebrating stopped. Not that his father hadn’t offered, but Jason would turn it down out of worthless spite. His dad still sent a card though, always a card, and for the longest time a present too, up until those last two years. 

For a while Jason came to hate his birthday anyway. His mother kept pulling the bare minimum and acting like a treat or a nice dinner was supposed to cover everything. Kendra just made his life worse on the day of. Jeremy sometimes helped, during highschool, with a small gift. Parties were a thing of the past. Some years he would silently wish he could just skip the day all together. 

And here his dad was, trying to celebrate just like he used to and why was he always so excited about it? It’s not like it was his birthday. 

Still, the moment his father pulled the pan off the burner and turned away from the stove, Jason stepped over to hug him. Tears sat at the corners of his eyes, but thankfully didn't get any farther than that. 

His father hugged him back, letting out a happy hum, then let go. "I need to finish cooking. Sit down for a bit, maybe open your present if you want.”

"Dare I ask what it is."

"Open it and find out, dummy." His dad gave him a grin that practically put stars to shame. Then he spun around, likely to finish the sandwiches.

Jason did sit down, though he took a moment to inhale the aroma of the tea and test the heat with his lips. Nope, still too hot. 

He went for the box before the card, mostly because he bet his father wrote something sappy in it and that might actually make him start crying. 

As he peeled back the paper, nostalgia slammed into his brain a second time. He found himself shredding through the rest of it to confirm his suspicions.

“Hang on,” he practically shouted. “Isn’t this the first gundum model you ever bought me?”

Jae-won laughed as he came over and put the plates on the table. “Yup.”

“How the hell did you get this?” 

“Told the gang to be on the lookout. Didn’t have to be this one specifically but an oldie. We were peeking through estate sales and storage auctions and all sorts. Brian finally stumbled across it during a massive garage sale, never even taken out of the box. Talk about lucky, huh?” 

Jason’s heart constricted to the point he almost dug his fingers into the box. He’d kept his model after the divorce, but it’d been one of the many victims in Kendra’s attempts to punish him and at the time he was certain he’d never find a replacement. 

Tears returned to his eyes and he hadn’t even gotten to the card, damn it. 

His father didn’t say anything. He just wrapped an arm around Jase’s head and gently held it against his chest. 

Jason let himself cry for the time being, still clinging to the box. He wanted to say thanks but he didn’t know how. Two words didn’t feel like nearly enough. 

His father kissed his head and let go. “Come on, you should eat it before it gets cold.” He let go and walked around the table to sit down. “Anything you wanna do today? Afraid to say I didn’t plan much beyond this because I wasn’t sure what you’d want to do.” 

Jason sniffed and rubbed his eyes with his sleeve. He gently set the box on the table and picked up his tea, which was finally cool enough. “I dunno. Museum trip? Maybe?” He took a sip. “And um… maybe tonight we could do a game night or something, with some of your friends.”

His father raised a brow. “My friends?”

Jason felt his cheeks burning. “Well… not like I have anyone to invite over right now.”

He sighed. “Right, we still have to work on making you socialize. But hey, if you’re alright with it I can see who’s free.”

“Yeah, I’m fine with it.” He put the cup down. “They’re cool. Just try and minimize the making out, would you?”

His father stuck out his tongue and then picked up his sandwich.

So Jason did too. It really didn’t look like much, but biting into it reminded him of exactly why he always begged his father to make these and he found himself tearing through the rest of it.

His father laughed. “I must still make it pretty well, huh?” 

“Shut up.” Jason mumbled and sipped on more tea. He glanced at the card, wanting to the see the inside, but he’d wait to open it in his room. “And thanks… for all of this.” It still didn’t sound like enough, but it’s all he could manage.

His dad gave him a gentle smile and then suddenly sat up. “Oh, wait. Can I show you something? I don’t think I ever have.” 

Jason didn’t even get to say yes or no before the man sprung up and went out into the hall. The faint jangle of keys rang in the air and then he returned, wallet in hand.

His dad opened it up and then flipped it toward him.

Jason stared at the picture in the center, carefully placed inside a plastic holder. For a second he didn’t even know what to make of it, then he realized that was his father standing there in a button up shirt and staring at the baby in his arms.

Jason squinted. “Is that me?”

“No, it’s my other son.” His dad snickered. 

He rolled his eyes. “Okay but, why are you showing me this? And why do you have it in your wallet?”

“Because it was taken the day you were born. Look at how small you are.” He kept grinning as he pointed. 

Jason was aware of how he pretty much fit in his father’s one arm, but what he was more focused on was his dad’s expression. Smiling and utterly transfixed on the infant rather than anything else in the room. 

Suddenly the wallet snapped shut.

“Glad you’re here so we can both celebrate your birthday, kiddo.” His dad ruffled his hair. “My favorite day of the year.”

Jason’s cheeks burned again. He almost wanted to protest that, but he knew better. His dad had that picture in his wallet. He had Jase’s birthday as the password to his tablet. A whole second of his wall of photographs were dedicated to ones of Jase blowing out the candles on a cake. 

He wondered if he should apologize for cutting his father off from all of that after the divorce, but no, the man probably wouldn’t accept it. 

He’d find some other way to pay him back. 

His father sat back down. “Come on, let’s finish breakfast and figure out what museum you wanna go to.”

Jason smiled and grabbed his teacup. “Okay.”

[anothercrisis]

it was way too long without Nikolai thoughts so come with me to this journe- /coughs/

Food.

I, for fucking sure, know that Nik hates most of his national food. Its just not that good to him. There are some good dishes that he will make in the middle in the end if he curves it. Like Oliv'ye. Its a salad made with potatoes, carrots, any type of meat (or not, I've seen it without meat), eggs, canned peas, mayonnaise and toppings (onions, pickles or cucumbers, ive heard of people adding corn but i strongly believe its a sin). Basically you boil everything, chop it up, add salt, mayo and its done! Easy and tasty.

I'm ready to swear on my mask and glasses, Price almost killed him when it happened the first time. Like imagine waking up to noise in your kitchen and your lover is gone and you hear a loud bang and “Syka! (Bitch but usually used as fuck)” from said kitchen. He was this close 🤏 to strangling Nik but was lucky to be spared. Turned out he grabbed hot pot with my brothers vegetables and spilled some boiling water on himself.

I heavily headcanon that you can- /coughs a little/ you can give Nikolai products and a recipe and it'll be done almost always perfectly.

About Price... well... beans on toast. Thats it. That's all you will be getting. Even if his life would depend on it he won't, never fucking ever, make anything. Not trusted even by Soap to cook anything. Gaz once tried his cooking and got food poisoning and a visit to the hospital. Ow.

I think you are absolutely right. Nik is definitely the one between him and Price who knows how to cook.

And I wonder if it’s because, like with languages, Nik just had to learn the skill to ensure his own survival and to enrich himself since no one else had the time or cared enough about him to teach him.

I feel like when he had free time on his hands, once life obligations like school and work were aside, that he would like to spend it doing something worthwhile, like reading or eating. And maybe it’s like a ritual of his. I’ve heard someone say before (in my own words) that they like to put energy into their cooking because it translates into energy for their body and mind. So I wonder if Nik does the same. If he intentionally takes the time to cook whenever he can to get that settling feeling of care and comfort.

And Price. At the end of the day, he is still a white man and who will only season his food with salt and pepper on most occasions. He doesn’t have the time with all of his duties to adopt a cooking ritual like Nik has, and we all know he wouldn’t be any good at it anyway.

So yeah, when Nik joins the 141 and when Price welcomes him into his little family, Nik takes to cooking for all of them whenever he can. It’s a love language as much as any other.

After a long mission where the team is barely standing, after Nik has brought them all safely back to base, after they’ve all been to medical, they will all gather around the common areas and sit together in comfortable silence while they wait for Nik to cook them something warm and comforting and hearty.

The entire team counts on Nik as much as they do Price. The two of them are the foundation the team stands on and there’s no telling what they would be without them.

[thecyberrecord]

I'm dealing with vaccination aftermath, which is much worse this time than any of the others that I can remember, so I figured I'd use Werewolf for some catharsis and relating, as I'm wont to do, and something to distract myself with. Also I guess I should finally learn how to use Tumblr. The body aches along with what I'd normally describe as the sensation of brain zaps, but in my entire body, the aching joints, the lung aches, the crackles of nerves, the ceaseless headache, gnawing fatigue, the oversensitivity to touch where even light contact feels like foil on teeth. I'm used to most of this because of my chronic health issues, but it's all turned up in intensity beyond my usual threshold right now. It's not as intense as the Bite, but It reminds me of it all the same.

It reminds me of when I was writing up a character I played too-briefly. They were the first Bitten character I'd played, and it was partly to challenge my initial frostiness to the concept of the Bite and the Bitten. I don't exactly remember why I started off with a low approval rating for it, it might have just been "a new thing? a CHANGE to my perfectly ordered schema??? [Weaver intensifies]" or a feeling like things were just being tossed in arbitrarily. There were a number of changes to the status quo in White Wolf's Mind's Eye Theater Werewolf: The Apocalypse, and I had a kneejerk wariness to all of that. (The book is so massive (759 pages cover to cover!) that the physical copy that I lent to my ST use for the LARP tore itself from its spine under its own weight, even while being carried around in a laptop bag thing to better support it, in the first week or two of use.)

But after some adjustment time and getting to play the system, it ended up being my favorite edition of Werewolf. Aside of a few things here and there (like the spirits), it felt like a much improved system, the in-world social changes and new factional arrangement I hadn't entirely agreed with the decisions of, but I found it stimulating to explore anyway (when are things ever neatly, perfectly decided, anyway? World of Darkness isn't exactly about playing in an already-ideal world) and I like how it breathed fresh life and bonds and conflicts into the political tapestry of the Garou Nation.

I especially like how the Bitten gave me a new avenue of Otherness to identify with and explore in the setting. Being Othered even within Othered communities is something I relate to, and I enjoy digging into that within the framework of the game. I did so with Aidan Abbett, Dead Drop.

Glyphname for Dead Drop, Homid (Bitten) Ragabash Glass Walker, in road paint. (It's in yellow because Dead Drop is a loading zone only, they have places to be.) Composed of 'Hidden/Conceal', 'New Moon/Trickery', 'Help', and the 'Creator' emphatics that are often used to denote a personal name. Hidden help and the discreet exchange of it. Dead Drop is the name they earned from their Fostern challenge, and this glyphname also works for their word-play Cliath name, which also serves as their general human-world name, Aidan Abbett.

Image background and manipulated elements are from a photo by Possessed Photography and used in accordance with this license.

The exploration of the trauma of the Bite relating to my own personal experiences with health and breakdown, while still having that sort of "traditional" Homid-born Garou experience of being transformed from a relative fragile creature into something wildly resilient, and that juxtaposition of being taken apart and broken over the course of a month to emerge as something nigh indestructible yet also left viscerally damaged and off-putting to the "real Garou"... all of that gave me an appreciation of the additional story tools that the Bitten afforded to Werewolf. Dead Drop was a lot of fun and had a lot of onion layers that I didn't have the time to really cut into too deeply with them because the game came to an end, with staff desperately needing a break, so this character will definitely have a reprise at some point.

[helenaheissner]

Love During Robot Fighting Time: Chapter 21

Faith

“Okay, so, how is this gonna work?” Kate asked, swirling her straw inside her tall glass of skim milk. 

The three of us sat in a booth inside a twenty-four hour diner in West Hollywood, atop brown leather seats jammed into the back corner of the main dining room. Overhead lights buzzed above us, casting their hot glow downwards on our intrepid trio. The blues stylings of Blind Blake hummed from the speaker, while the aromas of potatoes frying and meat grilling and pastries baking all filled the air. We all split a plate of onion rings while we waited for our entrees to arrive, taking turns dipping them in a small bowl of ketchup. I sipped my orange juice and Zeke skimmed his finger over the rim on his glass of sprite. “How do you mean?” I asked after swallowing a mouthful of OJ. 

“I mean… Well, I guess I just mean I’ve never been in a real relationship before, let alone one where there’s three people total. Zeke and I have only been a couple for a short while so far and now we’re adding you and I guess I just don’t really know what all this entails.”

“She raises a good point,” Zeke said. He sat next to her while I faced the two of them, putting his arm around her. I tried to ignore the green sparks shooting through my chest, tried to make sure they didn’t ignite a verdant blaze of hideous jealousy. I had no reason to be jealous- I’d literally kissed both of them less than a half hour ago. 

“Yeah, she does,” I said. “Still, does it have to be that different from how things are right now? Zeke, you and I have been best friends for a while anyway, and a couple is basically just a pair of best friends who have a romantic and/or sexual component to that dynamic.”

“That’s true,” Zeke said, idly scratching at the beard stubble sprouting on his chin. 

“And she does have the most relationship experience between the three of us,” Kate said. 

“That’s a scary prospect,” I said. 

“That doesn’t fill us with confidence, babe,” Zeke said. 

Babe. 

He called me… 

He called me babe.

HE CALLED ME BABE!!!!!!!

I squirmed in my seat, putting my hands under my chin as I wiggled back and forth and smiled. “Heeheehee,” I giggled. 

“I think she likes that, babe,” Kate said.

“I’m inclined to agree, babe,” Zeke said. 

“This is getting a little confusing though, babe,” Kate said, smirking. “It’s kinda what I’m talking about- if all three of us are occupying the same space and we’re all calling each other babe, which babe is the babe to whom we’re referring.”

“That could get a little confusing, yeah,” I said. Then I winked at her. “Babe.”

Those big blue doe eyes went wide as she blushed and smiled. “I mean… That certainly helps.”

Zeke snort-laughed. “Okay, back on topic: I can kinda see a broader issue happening here with one of us feeling like a third-wheel if two of us spend more time one-on-one then with all three of us. And since Faith and I live together, that feels like it will probably happen at some point.”

“The last thing I want is for Kate to feel neglected,” I said. 

“I mean hey, that’s not something I want either,” Kate said wryly before chomping down on another onion ring.

The waiter, a short and stocky black man with braids tied back into a man-bun and a nametag that read ‘Jerome’, came over with our meals: a stack of banana chocolate chip pancakes with a side of ham and cooked golden apples for Kate, a pastrami reuben on rye with a side of potato salad for Zeke, and an avocado melt on whole wheat with a side of coleslaw for me. “Here y’all are. Anything else I can get for you?”

“We’re good for now, though we might want some milkshakes by the end of the night,” Zeke said. 

“Or just one, with three straws,” Kate said, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

I cocked (heh) a smile. “I like the way you think, Katie.”

“Hmmm. I like it when you call me that,” she replied. 

Jerome left us to our food, and we all got so busy chowing down we let the conversation go silent for a few minutes. After we’d sated our initial hunger and let ourselves slow down, however, I said what was really on my mind: “it does raise the question, though: we’re gonna have to find ways for all three of us to be together a lot if we want to avoid any of us feeling jealous or neglected. Like, I’m not gonna lie, I wish I was sitting on that side of the booth with one of you instead of being here on my own.”

“Then come over and sit with us,” Kate shrugged. 

“Kate, she’s not gonna fit,” Zeke said. 

“Exactly, and I’m worried about that becoming a metaphor for this throuple-”

“Oh God, that is what we are, aren’t we?” Kate said. 

“I prefer ‘polycule’ personally,” Zeke said. “If we’re serious about this.”

“I am if y’all are,” Kate said. 

I nodded in agreement. “We should set up some ground rules: for every one-on-one date that a permutation of the three of us goes on, we have to go on a three-person date.”

“I like that,” Kate said, cutting up her ham and mixing it in with the syrupy pancakes before taking a large bite. 

“I do too, but what exactly constitutes a date?” Zeke said. “Again, Faith and I live together and we hang out watching TV basically every night unless I’m going on a date with Kate. Does that count?”

“I don’t really think so, no,” I said. 

“Okay, but Kate, be honest, would you get jealous about that? Me and Faith watching movies without you?”

Kate shook her head while chewing her food. She swallowed, then said, “No, that’s just hanging at home.”

“Okay, but what if Faith and I started banging?” Zeke said. 

I had the misfortune of swallowing a bite of my own sandwich when he said that, and nearly started choking before forcing the food down. “Getting a little ahead of ourselves, aren’t we, Underhill?”

He rubbed the back of his head. “... Fair enough, but like… It’s been on my mind. And I know you well enough to know that it’s been on yours as well. Kate and I have already talked about how we’re not quite ready for that yet-”

Kate put her palm flat across Zeke’s face. “Babe. Babe, we’re in public.”

“... Right, sorry. Forgot that.”

“Thank God this place is almost empty,” I said with a nervous chuckle, looking around to make sure none of the three old couples scattered throughout the diner were gawking at us degenerate youngins. Blind Blake gave way to Dolly Parton, ironically begging Jolene not to steal her man. Heh, I was pretty sure I’d figured out the work around to that particular conundrum. “But, uh, yeah, I’ll admit, there is that aspect to this particular equation. You and I have known each other a while, and I’ve been on HRT long enough that I’ve gotten a lot more comfortable with my body. And since we live together, we certainly have ease of access-”

“Yeah you do,” Kate said, brows raised and grin downright shit-eating. 

I started laughing in spite of myself. “Damn, Katie, you’re BAD.”

“You’re surprised?” Zeke deadpanned. 

“I really shouldn’t be,” I admitted. 

“Indeed.”

“Okay, seriously tho- you two are further along in all this stuff then I am,” Kate said.

“Are we? You and Zeke have been together longer,” I said.

“You and Zeke have known each other longer,” Kate retorted. 

“And you two have been the most desperate to bang each other the longest,” Zeke said. 

“What?!” Kate and I said in tandem. 

“Oh, c’mon, don’t deny it,” Zeke said. “We’re already here, in a polycule, don’t act like this is new or anything.”

“It is new,” Kate said. She looked at me. “Right?”

“I…,” I began, quickly trailing off. Then I thought back, to all the times Calloway had annoyed me over the past year, and wondered if there was anything more to that than poor social skills. “Actually, he might be onto something.”

“I don’t understand you sometimes,” Kate said. 

“It’s okay, we can work on that,” I said, squeezing her hand.

She blushed. “Sounds good. Also, for what it’s worth, I don’t mind if you two want to start getting intimate with each other. I’m not ready for it yet, but I hopefully will be soon. And there’s no reason for me not to let you two get a head start.”

So many images clouded my mind at that moment. SOOOO MANY. “I… Okay. Zeke, what do you think?”

“I think… I’m open to it. But, circling back a little, how about this,” Zeke said. “A date counts as such if it involves two or more of us going out and doing something together. This can include going to hang out with Katie at her place, and her at our place, but not us two at our own place. Does that sound good?”

“I’m cool with it,” Kate said. 

“Me too,” I nodded. 

“And we’re agreed that for every two-person date there needs to be a three-of-us date that week?” I asked, finishing off my sandwich. 

“Absolutely,” Zeke said, inhaling his last bite of potato salad. 

“We should also have a group chat,” Kate said, swallowing a large quantity of pancake. 

“Oh, good idea,” I said, whipping out my phone and cobbling one together. I dubbed it ‘Faith’s favorite people.’

“Awww,” Kate said. 

“Very cute,” Zeke said. “Relatedly: one last question.”

“Yes?” Kate and I both asked. 

“Does this count as one of our ‘all three of us’ dates?” Zeke asked. 

“I think so,” I said with a wide smile. 

“So do I,” Kate said. 

“In that case, a toast,” Zeke said, raising his glass. “To us. And to new beginnings.”

“Cheers!” I said, clinking my glass.

“Cheers!” Kate said. 

Jerome came back, with a chocolate malt and three straws on a tray. He set it on our table. “Figured this was where the evening was headed. Did I assume correctly?”

“You did indeed, my good man, you did indeed,” I said. 

I reached over to the center and sucked on the straw, the two faces of the people I cared about more than anything came very, very close to me while they did the same thing. We all drank together, not stopping until all three of us were wincing from brain freeze and laughing together through the pain. Kate’s laughter came in time with the final notes of ‘Jolene’, and Zeke held both of our hands as we reveled in each other’s company. 

I could get used to this. 

***

Later that night, after we’d dropped Kate off at home, Zeke and I made our way back to our place and walked up to our apartment, hand in hand. He smelled so damn good, musky and virile, and his massive hands felt amazing wrapped around my small, calloused ones. He was so much bigger than me, and I’d always been short, but around him, I felt… Delicate. Around him, I felt like me, and I wanted to savor that feeling as much as possible. I wanted to make each second I spent with him count, to make up for the wasted years I’d spent trying to avoid taking responsibility for my feelings. I wanted that with Kate, too, but I’d wanted it with Zeke for longer, and I wanted him to know how much I cared about him. 

Besides, I wasn’t tired yet- locking down a relationship with two hotties tends to give you an adrenaline rush, as it turns out. 

“Nightcap?” I asked him as he closed and locked the door. 

“I… Think I meant it, when I said I don’t wanna drink anymore,” Zeke said with a nervous laugh. “My mom is… Very clearly an alcoholic, and I don’t wanna go down that road.”

“Zeke, hey, you’re nothing like her,” I said, my heart sawing itself in half at his words and his downcast expression. He couldn’t possibly still think he was like his parents. He had to know how amazing he was. 

“I know, I just… The risk seems high to me, still,” he said. “I wanna be better than her. And him. Both for myself… And for you and Kate.”

The smile crept onto my face in spite of the sorrow behind the situation. I went to him, cupped his cheeks in my hands. His stubble had already grown thicker- by morning, the beginnings of a beard would already be manifesting. He was so rough and hairy and hard; I was used to girls, soft and smooth and elegant. This was different: this was a man, built differently than me, wired differently than me. It had taken me a few months to really accept that I liked the differences, liked the way he towered over me, liked the way he leapt to my aid without hesitation, liked the way he wanted to be my knight in shining armor. But now that I had, and I knew that I could have it both ways… It was as if I’d unlocked some hidden part of myself, long neglected and shoved into a corner in the back of my mind. I was a woman, yes; but moreover, at that moment, I knew I was one of HIS women. And I loved being that. 

Guess it was up to me to show him how much I loved it. Challenge accepted. 

“Hey,” I said, standing up on my tip-toes, leaning against his chest, stroking his cheek. “You’re already more than enough for both of us. So don’t ever compare yourself to your idiot parents, yeah?”

“You really mean that?” he said, his nose touching mine, our foreheads pressing together, his heartbeat thundering as I leaned on him. 

“I really, really do,” I said, my mouth getting closer to his. 

Our lips met, and it was different from our first kiss- that had been exploratory, tentative, nervous. We’d both been shaking when it happened, terrified of the idea that the aftermath might not be as good as the anticipation. 

Now we knew we didn’t have that problem. His stubble tickled my face, making me giggle as my tongue entered his mouth and explored the inside. My hands dug into his hair and rubbed his scalp as he pushed forward and pinned me against the wall, hands running down my shoulders and settling on my hips. My knee popped and I pushed back, kissing his neck and his cheek, my hands running over his hard, muscular chest. 

He gripped my hips tightly and lifted me up, and I settled into his arms as my forehead pressed against his and my tongue once again found its way down his throat. “Bedroom?” I said in a hungry whisper. 

“Are you sure?” he said, kissing me up and down my arm. 

“Only if you are,” I purred. 

“That… That would be a nightcap more up my alley,” he said. “We’ll have to tell Katie about this, though.”

“That’s fine with me,” I said, pulling off his shirt and witnessing the glory of his six pack abs and toned pectorals, digging my hands into his modest garden of dark chest hair, nibbling his shoulder lightly. Arousal burned like a wildfire through every inch of me, desperate to consume everything. “And she said she was fine with it.”

“Okay,” he said, a downright wicked smile on his face, mischief in his eyes. He bridal-carried me into his room.

“Throw me onto the bed,” I pleaded. I was small and delicate, and I was in his massive hands and strong arms. I wanted to be reminded of just how much he could do to me. 

“Throw you?!” he said, aghast. 

I giggled. Oh, Zeke. Ever the gentleman. “Okay, toss me lightly. Is that better?”

He laughed, and carefully tossed me onto his mattress. Then he jumped on as well, kicking off his shoes and pinning me down by my wrists. He loomed above me, a massive tower of masculine desire and intention. “I’ve dreamt of this moment. Literally dreamt of it.”

“Honestly, same,” I said, looking up into him, desperate to relinquish all control and give myself over to him, mind and body- ESPECIALLY body. “Guess dreams really do come true.”

“Evidently, yes,” he said, tugging the dress down from my shoulders and carefully folding it before placing it on the floor. It was honestly the sweetest little thing he could have done, and it very definitely DID SOMETHING for me. “Now then: shall we begin, oh captain my captain?”

“Yes please,” I said as I unzipped his jeans and pulled them down. 

A very long, very involved, very sweaty night proceeded from there.

***

Hello, lovelies! Hope y'all are doing well :)

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[cursed-elo-images]

INCORRECT ELO QUOTES PART 5

Kelly: It's alright, we have salt packets.

Richard: Not the ones that snap in half, but sure.

Bev: What’s wrong?

Melvyn: I have to write a whole paragraph for school.

Bev: That’s not so bad; I write entire books.

Melvyn: Yeah, but this has to be good.

Melvyn: Last night, I had a dream about sandwich pizza.

Bev: What?

Melvyn: It was pizza with bread on the top and the bottom.

Bev: So a calzone?

Melvyn: You can’t just name things I dream up.

Bev: I know how this must look but I can assure you we have a perfectly logical explanation.

Melvyn: Yeah! We’re cowards!

Melvyn: Bev told me to stop being immature, so I told him to get out of my fort.

Hugh: Bev likes to say ‘you can be part of the problem or part of the solution,’ but I happen to believe you can be both.

Bev: You disgust me.

Melvyn: *eating a kitkat sideways* I realize this and don’t care.

Melvyn: The universe is cold and unfeeling. The only constant is chaos.

Bev: Was that place out of chocolate-chip pancakes again?

Melvyn: What are you eating?

Bev: You wouldn't like it, it's really salty.

Melvyn: I like you, don't I?

Melvyn, holding in his laughter: Hey, how do you ask a glass of water what it’s doing?

Bev: A glass of water is an inanimate object. Therefore, it's incapable of having a thought process or understanding basic human language.

Melvyn:

Melvyn: Water you doing?

Bev, playing a video game: This game is so frustrating! I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

Melvyn: Ok, I think it’s time to turn off the game for a little while.

Bev: But I’m having fun!

Bev: I know this isn’t going to end well and I don’t care. So don’t you try and stop me, Melvyn!

Melvyn: I wasn’t stopping you. I was asking if you had a spare camera so I can record this.

Melvyn: Hey guys, I’m making french toast sticks in the oven. I’m gonna take a quick nap, so wake me up in 5 minutes to flip them over.

*5 minutes later*

Bev: Melvyn it’s been 5 minutes, time to flip your sticks.

Melvyn: snnnzzzz...

Bev: MELVYN YOUR STICKS!

Bev: Do you even know what an amulet is?

Melvyn: Of course I do! I eat amulets sometimes. I like the ones with cheese and onions!

Bev: Melvyn, those are omelettes.

Melvyn: Oh. Then I’ve got nothing.

Melvyn: Here you go, Bev, a nice hot cup of coffee!

Bev: It's cold.

Melvyn: A nice cup of coffee.

Bev: It's horrible!

Melvyn: Cup of coffee.

Bev: I'm not sure if this even IS coffee.

Melvyn: C U P.

Bev: Hey Melvyn, can I get some icecream?

Melvyn: Only a spoonful!

Bev: *Proceeds to pull out a comically large spoon.*

Melvyn: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're impressed.

Bev: But you do know better.

Melvyn: You know what I’ve realized?

Bev: Some thoughts are better left unsaid?

Melvyn: Nice try, anyways-

Bev: You know, there’s only one person in this world who can tell you what you are.

Melvyn: Me.

Bev: No.

Bev: Me.

Kelly: You know, on second thought, Gum would be perfection.

Bev: *Gives him a strange look and hands him a piece of gum*

Kelly: *Thinking* Gum would be perfection. Gum would be perfection. I could have said gum would be nice, could have said I'll have a stick. But no no no no no, for me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

Kelly to Bev: Turn that frown upside-down!

*a little while later*

Kelly: What are you doing?

Bev, trying to do a handstand: You told me to “turn that frown upside-down” but it’s not working .

Bev: Thought I was meowing back at my cat for the past hour, but it was just me and Kelly meowing at each other from different rooms in the house.

Bev: You made enough pasta that you could take it to lunch tomorrow. Put it in a container.

Kelly: Shovel the pasta into your face. Do it. Put it in your face. The future is meaningless but the pasta is now.

Kelly: I’m so excited!

Bev: We’re gonna have the best costumes, get the most candy...

Kelly: And have the biggest stomach aches ever!

Bev: Yeah!

Bev: As a responsible adult-

Kelly: *chuckles*

Bev: … As a responsible adult—

Bev: Can you be serious for five minutes?

Kelly: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Bev: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?

Mik, whispering: Why are there little handprints all over the walls?

Kelly, whispering: Because I have little hands.

Mik: Because he has little hands.

Mik: Bev! Kelly got that thing on the control panel working!

Bev: Wow! That looks pretty impressive.

Mik: Yeah!

Bev: Any idea what it does?

Mik: Not a clue.

Mik: What would Bev think?

Kelly: Ok, that’s an interesting thought, but hear me out: what if… we ran an experiment where we spent the rest of our lives finding out what happened if we never told him?

Bev: I don’t know the first thing about clothes. Pretty much all I can do is look at something and tell you if it’s clothes or not. This chair? Not clothes.

Bev on Monday: *glues a dime to the sidewalk* Heh heh heh.

Bev on Wednesday: *walking down the street* Ooh hey! A dime!

Bev: We got a free day now. What do you wanna do? Eat? Sleep? Nap? Snack?

Hugh, after getting a library card: Now I know what true power feels like.

Bev: I have passed the transitional stage of internet geekhood.

Bev: I was cashiering at work today, and was punching in the code for plums, which is 4040, and the 0 key doesn't work this well, so I punched it in wrong. And the machine flashed up "Item Not Found: 404".

Bev: And I actually laughed out loud.

Bev: ATTENTION: I HAVE BREACHED CONTAINMENT.

Bev: DO NOT PANIC, I AM SIMPLY GETTING A SNACK.

Bev: I scare people a lot because I walk very softly and they don't hear me enter rooms. So when they turn around, I'm just kind of there and their fear fuels me.

Bev: Theater kids are just choir kids who joined forces with the band and strings kids.

Richard: Raisins. It's nature's candy

Bev: We always used to do the Wordle rather than take notes in class.

Bev: To stop us the teacher would always threaten to tell us the answer if we didn’t pay attention.

Bev: My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

Mik: Please could you go to the shop and get a carton of milk, if they have avacodos get six.

Bev, coming back from the store with six cartons of milk: They had avacados!

Mik: Bev, you’ve tried 37 times and you’ve failed every time. Give it a break.

Bev: DO I HEAR “FIRST TRY PART 38?”

Mik: I did it! I memorized everything in the book! I'm gonna ace this test!

Bev: Ok, Mik, I'll give you one more question before you go. What ended in 1918?

Mik: 1917.

Bev: ...You're ready.

Bev: Aww, what's your dog's name?

Jeff: Spartacus.

Bev, yelling to Mik: TRY SPARTACUS!

Mik, on the computer: DIDN'T WORK!

Jeff:

Bev: What's your favorite number?

Mik, to Jeff: If Bev doesn't say "I'm King of the world" within an hour on that boat, I will give you my next pay check.

Bev, within 5 minutes of getting on the boat: I'M KING OF THE WORLD!!!

Jeff, pointing to Hugh’s empty room: YOU LET HIM ESCAPE?!?

Mik: I WAS ON BREAK.

Mik: What’s your greatest weakness?

Melvyn: Interpreting the semantics of a question, but ignoring the pragmatics.

Mik: Could you give an example?

Melvyn: Yes, I could.

Bev: I hate to disagree with you, but-

Hugh: Please, you love to disagree with me. Its your favorite thing to do.

Bev: I don’t mean to be rude—

Kelly: Yet, sadly, accidental rudeness occurs alarmingly often.

Kelly: We'll talk about this later.

Bev: Fine, I won’t be listening.

Kelly: :)

Bev: >:(

Kelly: Turn that frown upside down!

Bev: ):<

Kelly: Not sure what I was expecting…

Jeff: We wouldn’t last two minutes without Hugh.

Jeff:

Jeff: Don’t tell him I said that.

Jeff: You know, I really wish you’d just admit you made a mistake sometimes.

Melvyn, stirring his coffee: I prefer it with salt.

Bev: Can I go to the pool?

Kelly: Sure, we’ll go as soon as I’m free.

Bev: No, can I go by myself?

Kelly: You don’t want to go with me?

Bev: You just go around challenging random people to cannonball contests.

Kelly: It’s the only way to establish dominance.

Melvyn: I’m sorry for being annoying.

Melvyn: It will happen again.

Bev: So jellyshish-

Kelly, laughing: JELLYSHISH!?

Bev: You know what I meant!

Kelly: Why don't humans have a specific noise that means "there are bees here, let's leave immediately." Why are elephants more advanced than us.

Bev: We do have a specific noise for it. It sounds like this:

Bev: "There are bees here, let's leave immediately."

Kelly: Someone care to explain why we have 6 dogs in our apartment?

Bev: They're golden retrievers, dude. They retrieve gold. I did this for us.

Kelly: It's not our fault!

Bev: Yeah, but... Come on, the least we can do is talk to them.

Kelly: No, the least we could do is nothing!

Bev: "I lost a bet."

Bev: The second-most ominous phrase in existence.

Kelly: What's the first?

Bev: "Let's make a bet.

Kelly: Have you heard of Murphy’s law? The one where if something can go wrong, it will go wrong?

Richard: Yeah, I have.

Kelly: Have you heard of Cole’s law?

Richard: Is this a joke about coleslaw?

Kelly: …maybe.

Richard: How petty can you get?

Kelly: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about.

Richard: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes?

Kelly: For the dogs.

Richard: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Kelly: They don't know how.

Richard: What do we say when life disappoints us?

Kelly: Called it!

Richard: No.

Richard: Are you going to sleep?

Kelly: I can't. This is important.

Richard: What?

Kelly: Someone is wrong on the internet.

Kelly: Might I make a suggestion you possibly won’t like?

Richard: Do you make any other kind?

Kelly: This was almost a great idea.

Richard: You just described 90% of our stuff.

Kelly, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day?

Richard: …

Richard: What’s in the box?

Kelly: What woul-

Richard: Kelly, what’s in the box?

Kelly: I think you know.

Kelly: You... you said I could trust you!!

Kelly: You said you were a GAMER!!!

Richard: Kelly... I only play mobile games.

Kelly: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Kelly: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.

Richard: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT EVERY TIME YOU BEAT ME AT CONNECT FOUR!

Richard: What's two plus two?

Kelly: Math.

Richard: ...I will accept that answer.

Richard: Who's in charge here?

Kelly, shrugging: Usually whoever yells the loudest.

Kelly: I wish I could help you, but I shorn’t.

Richard: Kelly, please!

Kelly: What part of shorn’t don’t you understand?

Richard: I need life advice.

Kelly, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the right person.

[sheepisreading]

Books I finished in Febuary 2023

The first three I grabbed at the same time at the boostore because I was bored and needed cheering up!

Naked, David Sedaris, 1997

This is an essay collection! I’d previously read Calypso by the same author and loved it. It’s a fun read, not hard to read or get into and doesn’t require too much concentration to read while still being very entertaining. I chose it as my next book for that reason, because I’ve been pretty fucking stressed recently and thought I could read it without spiralling. It worked! I loved it, it was funny and earnest, recounting amusing anecdotes and real learning moments. I love these kinds of essay collections heartfelt but self aware and comedic.

(Also, because I’ll probably never review it since I read it like six years ago: in the same vein I can only recommend Watsky’s essay collection “How to ruin everything”, probably even more than Naked! It’s I think less emotional or about emotions but I honestly loved it, it made me very happy, Watsky is awesome.)

Assembly, Natasha Brown, 2020

Fully picked this one up in the bookshop because the cover is pretty but after reading the blurb I immediately bought it. It’s fiction but clearly inspired by the authors life. The main character muses on her life so far and the decisions she’s made. It says clearly some shit that’s obvious but for some reason still an issue! The author clearly writes about the differences in class and upbringing between rich old money white people (her colleages) and hardworking new money black people (her). It’s about stuff we take for granted and casual racism. Very good ! It packs a punch in only a hundred pages.

Bluets, Maggie Nelson, 2009

Maggie Nelson writes “propositions” meaning short prose-poetry rambling-things about blue. I’m very into blue and gave a school presentation two years ago on the history of blue in art inspired by the vsauce video about it (which is amazing by the way, I rewatch it often), so I’ve been wanting to read it for a while. It’s good! Maggie Nelson writes beautifully about artists who have used the colour in the past (which is good inspiration) and her own relationship with blue, as well as with two people she cares about at the moment of writing. Her writing is absolutely beautiful! There is a lot of mention of romantic and physical longing which I cannot relate to, but that’s an issue I run into often and her way of discussing it remains interesting. It’s a beautiful book and its atmosphere stays with you.

The Nice House on the Lake vol. 1, James Tynion IV, 2021

Okay apparently the author is well known but I’ve never heard of him as I don’t really read comics and read like one graphic novel a year. As I understand it what I read (volume 1) spans the first six issues of the comic (out of 12). I grabbed it while browsing and loved the colours and was intrigued by the premise (having watched and thoroughly enjoyed Glass Onion not long before, I kinda thought it was a hardcore version of that, turns out: way more sci-fi shit in Nice House). I got home after my first day of internship, spent an hour doing jack shit and then picked this book up and read the whole thing straight. It’s amazing, there are fleshed out characters (some of them are queer yay), suspense, tension, emotion, it’s just really good! I will warn for like apocalypse, discussions of suicide and body horror though if that’s a thing you can’t go near! But if you can and are into weird sci-fi horror I recommend it! (I actually kind of like Walter I have to say, he just loves his friends !)

Steppenwolf, Hermann Hesse, 1927

!!! My mum is a big Hermann Hesse fan and always advocated for me reading one of his books. I happened upon this one at the used book market and immediately bought it because I noticed someone had anotated parts of it which. Yeah. Anyways, a bit of a slow start with the introduction written from an outside perspective from the narrator of the remainder of the book but absolutely hang in there! It's absolutely amazing; reflections on selfhood and the way we choose to live or not live our lives, connections with others, finding joy and excitement. It really did exceed my expectations. I thought there would be too much romance talk for my taste but it's so beautifully written that it's not an issue at all. It left a mark on me, that's for sure, it's a really powerful book.

[alinalioness]

Alina and friends Chapter 3:Under the water.

The heroes were still going in search of black animals and decided to stop near the Sea of Okhotsk.

Heroes:Wow!

Bokko:I think this is the Sea of Okhotsk.

Alina:Let's all get some rest and hit the road.

Krash:I'm going swimming! Go ahead! (With Bokko and Daisy swimming)

The others just sat down and watched the sea while the three were swimming.

Alina:I love going to the sea and swimming. But I can't right now.

Lula:We know you're in casual clothes.

Sanya:But we'll watch.

Later when the trio were sprayed with each other, Chiko dropped my glasses.

Krash:Oh, I'll lift your glasses. (He took a deep breath and dived. When he took the glasses, he noticed that he could breathe underwater and came out of the water) Can you imagine? When I dived, I could breathe.

Chiko:It's not impossible. We're not fish.

Daisy:Come on. (She dived and then turned out of the water) Really...

Alina:What are you guys doing there?

Krash:When I plunged into the water, I could breathe like I was immortal.

Bokko:It's impossible. All of us except the axolotl like Sanya can't breathe underwater.

Chiko:But we just checked it out.

Daisy:If you don't believe us, then here. (She dived into the water)

The heroes surprisingly waited for 1 minute before Daisy got out of the water.

Lula:One minute has passed and... the truth.

Alina:So we can cross the Pacific Ocean without a boat, even though there are predators there.

Katya:But we will try to be careful.

Alina:Forward.

The heroes dived into the water without any problems and continued on their way. They always tried to stay away from predators. They were still sailing in the Pacific Ocean.

Rosa:I've never seen this beauty in the ocean in my life.

Alina:So do I, and so do some. Because we don't know how many people have seen it.

Suddenly Sanya noticed that colorful clouds similar to flowers were floating in the water.

Sanya:Guys, there's something wrong with the water (The others noticed the clouds).

Julia: It's strange, they didn't say anything about the Pacific Ocean.

Alina:Guys, this is where Bikini Bottom lives.

Katya:Oh no, that's not enough yet.

Alina:You can cover your ears.

Katya:Thank you. (She covered her ears)

Krash:And what doesn't she like?

Alina:It's just that SpongeBob squarepants lives in this city. This is my favorite childhood animated series, it's really stupid. But I liked it anyway.

Daisy:So he can help us.

Alina:But if they agree. They don't really trust those who eat fish. I don't eat except in rolls.

Sanya:But to be honest, I'm worried that Katya will be nervous.

Katya:Yes... but I can't get away.

Chiko:Maybe you won't look at them, in case it works?

Katya:Well, I'll try.

Alina:Then go ahead.

The heroes immediately went to Bikini Bottom. They saw a sign with the inscription of the city and sent it there. But surprisingly there was no one, as if abandoned.

Alina:It strange, did we come to the wrong place?

Carlin:No, I'm going here. But clearly not there.

Julia: (I noticed something) I'm not a fan, but I think they'd all run here.

Julia pointed to the Krusty Krab restaurant, which looked like a crab bait.

Alina: Krusty Krab, a restaurant where they cook burgers.

Krash:So SpongeBob is here. (Jumping) Come on.

The heroes approached the restaurant and stopped at the door. They were right when they saw the sea creatures sitting at the table.

Alina:That's right, in the restaurant.

In the kitchen.

The cutlets were fried on the stove while the spatula was turning them. Later, someone's yellow hands open a blue cupboard and take out a jar of pickles. Then they cut tomatoes, cheese, salads and onions. Then they put all the ingredients in rolls and make burgers. It was only when he opened the door that SpongeBob himself appeared.

Spongebob:(Happily) Who needs burgers?

Visitors:To me!

SpongeBob distributes burgers to all visitors. He walked over to the table where his best friend Patrick Star was sitting.

Spongebob:Hi Patrick.

Patrick:Hello SpongeBob.

Spongebob:(Puts 20 burgers on the table) Your favorites.

Patrick:Thank you very much. (There are burgers)

Later, SpongeBob walked past Squidward the octopus, who was standing on the cash register boat.

Spongebob:How are things going Squidward?

Squidward:(Displeased) I have no idea.

Then SpongeBob puts a burger on the table for her friend Sandy Squirrel.

Spongebob:Bon appetit Sandy.

Sandy:Thanks SpongeBob.

The old man is a fish:(I noticed that there are no cucumbers in the burger) Sorry, but there are no cucumbers in the burger. (SpongeBob put cucumbers in the burger) That's another matter.

Spongebob:I love my job.

Later, Mr. Krabs, the crab, comes out of the office.

Mr. Krabs:Oh, what a beautiful day when the restaurant has all the residents of Bikini Bottom. (To SpongeBob and Squidward) I'll come out all right.

Spongebob:That's right, Captain.

Alina:I can't believe there are any.

Daisy:Yeah, SpongeBob is a funny dude.

Suddenly, when the door opened, the heroes fell. And all the inhabitants of the sea saw and gasped, that this caused Mr. Krabs to approach them with displeasure.

Mr. Krabs:(Displeased) I didn't get it, who are you?(The heroes stood up)

Alina:I'm sorry, Mr. Krabs, we didn't mean to disturb you.

Mr. Krabs:(Displeased) And me-how- do you know my name?

Alina:I watched the animated series SpongeBob SquarePants.

SpongeBob: Huh? About me?

Alina:Yes, about all of you.

Patrick:It can't be, we're stars! Then why don't they give an Oscar?

Alina:It's an accident to be honest, but it's true.

Spongebob:(He approached the heroes) And what brings you here And how do you breathe in the water?

Alina:So we are surprised ourselves.

Sandy:And it happened a long time ago when I was experimenting and when the device collapsed, everyone from the surface began to breathe. We even hid from people.

Alina:If anything, we know because of the hunt.

Mr. Krabs:Yes, and you're not even human. But why did you come anyway?

Alina:We are looking for the Honey Badger and his black beasts.

Sandy:Hey, I've heard the news about them. They went all over the world and took everything away.

Heroes:What?

Alina:And where are they going now?

Sandy:They're heading to North America.

Krash:Now we know where he went.

Alina:And we are not just going, we are even looking for friends to become stronger.

Spongebob:Not happening... And you're offering this to us?

Alina:No, what are you? You can stay. And we were kicked out by the way.

Katya:*She sighed happily* thank God.

Spongebob:What are you? I'm ready.

Katya: What?

Spongebob:Even though I'm weak, someone definitely needs help.

Patrick:If so? (Politely stood up) I'm ready.

Sandy:(She went up to the heroes) I'll go with you too. You're lucky that I'm good at karate.

Squidward:(He crossed his arms to his chest) And I'm not going.

Mr. Krabs:Squidward, I'm going to fire you for this.

Squidward:(Displeased) Okay, I'll go.

Mr. Krabs:So am I.

Alina:Well, if that's the case, then-

Spongebob:Brothers!

Mrs. Puff:Like I had.

Spongebob:Before we leave, I'll tell everyone you'll have to put up with no burgers. Meanwhile, Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs and Sandy will go with new friends to the terrible enemy. Wish us all good luck.

Visitors:Have a nice trip!

Alina:Then go ahead.

Squidward:What's the matter with her? (Everyone looked at Katya)

Alina:She just doesn't like the animated series about you, he only talks to her.

Spongebob:Okay.

The heroes left the restaurant and hit the road. They found themselves in a jellyfish field.

Christina:And how long will it take.

Sandy:Oh, only today is the last day of this phenomenon. And 2 years have passed.

Sanya:Wow! How long did you stand it?

Sandy:It just happened.

Alina:Okay guys, let's take a break.

The heroes sat down on the rocks.

Spongebob:And tell me what you have on land. We've only been to the USA.

Krash:Well, we live in Russia, in Omsk. And Alina and her friends are in Novorossiysk. We are not like you.

While the characters were talking, Patrick saw the hook and joyfully approached it.

Patrick:Now you can have fun. (Swinging on the hook)

On the surface of the water.

The fishing rod twitched on the boat until a brown hand with scales took it, and a brush with charcoal.

In the water.

Katya, looking at the characters, decided to ask Aline.

Katya:Look, of course I don't like the series and SpongeBob himself... You're not mad, are you?

Alina:No, I haven't been mad at this for a long time. You just don't talk to them.

Katya:Thank you.

Alina:Okay. (She stood up) We have to go to- where's Patrick?

Patrick:And I'm here! (The heroes got scared) I'm riding here.

Spongebob:(Scared)Patrick, this is a trap! (They came up with the others and jumped on the hook)

On the surface.

Because of the load, the spoon began to shake.

???(Female):Oh my God, did I catch a shark?

In the water.

Patrick:Oh, do you guys want to swing too?

Alina:No, we want to save you. Because you're on the fisherman's hook.

Spongebob:Or else we all... (Looked down and clicked off with the rest)

Alina:Guys? What's the problem... (Looked down and got scared) MA!

Suddenly, when they were taken out, the heroes took off. Alina looked at the sky with admiration.

Alina: Wow... I... fly like a bird... or- (Falls) BA!

The heroes fell onto the boat, causing it to shake. Later, the heroes noticed a creature with a head like a volcano.

Patrick:Ah! The monster!

Monster:Wow... What kind of phenomenon is this?

Alina:This is Kayna from the singing Monsters game.

Kayna:How do you know that?

Alina:I played it and liked it. By the way, my name is Alina. And these are my friends.

Kayna:Yeah, I definitely won't eat.

Spongebob:So you were fishing?

Squidward:So where are you from?

Kayna:I'm from the world of singing monsters. And how I got there, I decided to investigate.

Alina:I see, but we're going to the Honey Badger.

Barry:This black bear took everything from the whole world except from you.

Patrick:He's so scary and ferocious.

Kayna:I saw it when I was swimming. Fortunately, they didn't notice me. But I'll make you happy, I'm going there too.

Krash:Yes? So let's be friends and join our company.

Daisy:Great, but what do we call it?

Alina:I don't know who to tell the friendship of the whole world.

Lula:And what I like.

Kayna:If so, then go ahead.

The song "Friendship of the whole world"

[Alina]

And there are people and creatures in this world

But for some reason, they all don't want to live together.

And it's all good, it will never end

And that's why we're here... Peace friendship of the world

[Lula, Daisy and Sanya]

When we're all together, it's okay for us

[Kikoriki]

And we are immediately ready to come to the rescue

[SpongeBob and his friends]

Our team consists of a lot of characters

[Alina and Kayna]

And the characters themselves, cartoons and games

Chorus:

[All]

And that's when we always stick together.

And we are not afraid of evil or thunderstorms.

And that's when we always love each other.

And we never quarrel.

Krash:Good song.

SpongeBob: And that's about us.

Patrick:And we will have our own motto.

Daisy:Just which one?

Alina:It's worth thinking about.

To be continued...

[fincalinde]

@thatswhatsushesaid Yeah you timed that ask really well, because I was already in NMJ mode! No promises that any other asks get a 2k word response within 24 hours though.

As for the rest of your tags, it’s so funny you’d raise the topic of WWX because I absolutely knew he had to be in there as an example of NMJ’s hypocrisy. I hunted HIGH AND LOW for direct textual evidence of NMJ disapproving of WWX’s demonic cultivation and I could not find it. If you have anything I will be seriously grateful, because I could have sworn there was at least one line that referenced NMJ’s disapproval in specific. It doesn’t really matter if there’s a direct quote or not since we can easily infer his opinion, but I did feel like the person searching for the glasses that are already on their face.

During my ‘wait, we can infer NMJ disapproves of demonic cultivation but the direct quote seems to have slipped down the back of the sofa’ journey it honestly slipped my mind to dig deeper into the hypocrisy of sabre cultivation vs. demonic cultivation. It is absolutely hypocritical that he disapproves despite doing literally the same thing but with animals, but I think my personal ranking does place his willingness to be on the same side as WWX (while not trying to randomly murder him for bad behaviour—I guess JC’s authority over WWX is more important than the authority JGS has over JGY, despite the fact that JC has so little control over WWX they have to engineer a fake breakup) as higher on the hypocrisy scale than his attitude to demonic cultivation generally.

Firstly, I do see a distinction in principle between cultivating the resentful energy of beasts rather than human beings. It’s not a nice thing to do either way, but if we’re splitting hairs I think we can agree there’s a difference between animals and people. I know it’s much more sad if Mittens has her resentment about never being fed ever in her life cultivated, compared to corpse puppeting Sociopath-gongzi who beats his wife and starves his children. But as a general rule, we do treat animals differently to people and I don’t want to stray into false equivalence. NMJ is a hypocrite about it but there’s still some nuance involved.

(As an aside, the problem of ever-increasing numbers of enraged bloodthirsty entombed sabres is a big one, but I’ve always found it a funny image. Anyway it’s of course hypocritical to have the dangerous byproducts of your cultivation stashed away like that, but it’s also a straightforward example of the consequences of dabbling in resentful energy from any source, so it’s hardly unique on a thematic level. It doesn’t say anything new about NMJ’s hypocrisy; just ties in neatly with my points about the fact that he never for a moment wonders whether he’s doing the right thing. The point is not that he should conclude yes, on balance he’s doing the right thing, or no, on balance he’s doing the wrong thing. The point is just that it never occurs to him to ask the question at all. Speaks volumes.)

Secondly, in light of the above, that’s why I focused on his willingness to work with WWX. This hypocrisy has layers! The first layer is disapproving of demonic cultivation when he engages in similar practices, but the second, deeper layer is being willing to tolerate it when it serves his own ends. As long as he doesn’t have to get his own hands dirty and can pretend he’s therefore not complicit, that is. And that is an attitude he shares with basically the entire jianghu, to be fair—but to be fairer, NMJ positions himself as better than the rest of the jianghu, as a moral authority, so there’s the hypocrisy again.

And the third layer, the heart of this particular onion, is the fact that NMJ is perfectly willing to join the rest of the Jianghu in condemning WWX. It’s hypocritical to turn on someone who’s been such an asset, to be sure, although at this point WWX is the victim of propaganda and his own foolish arrogance. But the real point is this: NMJ doesn’t question himself and his own conduct during the war in light of WWX’s supposed evil and dangerous behaviour. If everything about WWX is true, why isn’t NMJ pondering whether he himself is complicit because he allied with WWX during the war? (The answer is situational ethics, a thing NMJ claims not to believe in.)

This sort of thing is why I give short shrift to NMJ’s moments of empathy (ha). They’re essential to his character and vital to include when writing him, but they’re moments. He momentarily feels bad for JGY, momentarily remembers what he owes JGY. But it never sticks—he always returns to judgement and violence. There’s no self-reflection at all, and therefore no hope of identifying his own hypocrisy, never mind addressing it.

you’ve mentioned a few times in your meta that you view nmj as being hypocritical, and i’m inclined to agree with you! would you share some specific quotes from the text that you feel especially support this reading of his character? 👀

It is one of my favourite words to apply to him, isn’t it! I think that’s because a) it’s true, and b) NMJ’s reputation for righteousness (and his belief in his own righteousness) grant an in-universe illusion of consistency that often bleeds through to external readings of him. So I press the point, because it’s fundamental to his character and I usually see it elided or reduced to all-bark-and-no-bite-grumpy-bear-with-a-heart-of-gold fanon NMJ.

And oh yes, there’s an absolute wealth of quotes supporting this. As always, I use the EXR fan translation because I’m old school.

Christ, this got long. Click for more.

It’s all relative, man

First we need to establish what NMJ’s principles supposedly are.

[Nie Huaisang’s] brother, Nie Mingjue, was extremely resolute when carrying out orders, quite renowned in the cultivation world. […] Nie Mingjue had always taught his younger brother with extreme harshness, particularly caring for his studies. (Chapter 13)

[…] he took over the Nie Sect before he even reached twenty, doing everything in a direct, forceful fashion. (Chapter 21)

When he lived, Nie Mingjue was often exasperated by the fact that his brother didn’t meet expectations, so he disciplined him strictly. (Chapter 21)

In spite of Nie Mingjue being a junior to Jin Guangshan, he conducted himself in a strict manner and refused to tolerate Xue Yang no matter what. (Chapter 30)

Without any hesitation, Nie Mingjue scolded, “Drinking the water he brought you while speaking such spiteful words! Did you join my forces not to kill the Wen-dogs but to make idle talk?!” (Chapter 48)

“A proper man should carry himself with proud righteousness. There’s no need to care for the talk of those idlers.” (Chapter 48)

As we can see, NMJ is all about righteousness, but we don’t get too many details confirming what that righteousness entails. We’re expected to make assumptions based on context: that his values are in line with the ideal values of his society, and that he’s living his life according to those principles (and enforcing said principles on others).

This is worth keeping in mind. We know NMJ is ‘righteous’. We know, in a general sense, what societal standards for morality are in this setting and we see the tension between society’s theoretical standards, its actual standards, and the moral frameworks of characters such as WWX and LXC. And there’s tension between those standards and NMJ’s moral framework, too. But though WWX attempts (and fails) to opt out and LXC attempts (and fails) to find a better way through open conversation and consideration of context, their failures are not due to hypocrisy but instead larger forces at play. In other words, they go up against society and society wins.

NMJ has a problem with society too, but for him the problem is not with its rules and assumptions—it’s with the individuals who make it up. He has no problem with the system. To NMJ, the system is a good thing. If only the people in it would rigidly conform to the rules, everything would be fine. And an outlook like that can only ever lead to hypocrisy, not just because human beings and their actions don’t fit into rigid categories, but because by not attempting to navigate the system (LXC, JGY, JC) or even attempting to opt out (WWX, LWJ, XY), NMJ positions himself above society, as a moral arbiter.

This is why he feels entitled to upbraid JGS, who is a generation above him. It’s why he feels entitled to harass and attempt to murder JGY for not being loyal to NMJ over and above his filial duty to his father. These actions are after he’s reached the point of no return with the sabre spirit, yes, but they didn’t come out of nowhere. It’s just the nadir of a path he’s been on presumably his entire life.

All the information is on the task

NMJ is very good at bending his supposedly rigid principles when it’s convenient for him, while not offering any grace or understanding to others who do the same. And ‘others’, let’s be real, usually equates to JGY. The horror vortex of NMJ’s obsession with controlling JGY really cannot be escaped.

Let’s start with the biggie. JGY is naturally the one who calls NMJ out, because he’s the only one who can see the emperor has no clothes, and by clothes I mean leg to stand on.

“But, Brother, I have always wanted to ask you something—the lives under your hands are in any regard more than those under mine, so why is it that I only killed a few cultivators out of desperation and you keep on bringing it up, even until now?” (Chapter 48)

“Are you saying that all of the people you killed deserved their deaths? […] Then, may I ask, just how do you decide if someone deserves death? Are your standards absolutely correct? If I kill one but save hundreds, would the good outweigh the bad, or would I still deserve death? To do great things, sacrifices must happen.” (Chapter 48)

Chifeng-zun, my man, he has nailed you. The point is not to start drawing equivalences in quite the way JGY is doing—I would certainly argue that if you’re killing undeserving people for the greater good you’d better have one hell of a greater good to be aiming for, even in the crapsack world of MDZS. JGY’s argument is partly a numbers game, but I want to set that aside, because it’s a distraction from his core point, to which numbers are irrelevant: can NMJ truly justify every single murder he has ever committed? Because if he can’t, he’s condemned by his own supposed standards. Note JGY’s use of the word ‘absolute’. NMJ is a moral absolutist! Is he absolutely sure? And if he is sure, does it matter that he’s sure? Why is his certainty more important than anyone else’s?

NMJ never once grapples with these questions. If he did, he might be able to pull the teeth of his own hypocrisy by acknowledging it and engaging with it. But of course he’s not capable of that, certainly not by the time of this scene.

And speaking of NMJ’s hypocrisy re: who does and doesn’t deserve to die…

“Very well! I’ll kill myself after I kill you!” (Chapter 49)

But Roquen, you cry! NMJ says such an utterly mad thing because he’s battered and beaten and not thinking clearly, not to mention past the point of no return with the sabre spirit as he’s been cultivating with resentful energy intensely throughout the war! That’s why he walks it back after LXC intervenes!

To which I say: it is almost as though context matters!

And yes, I’m aware of the context. I’m aware that just before this bit of dialogue the narrative claims JGY pointing out ‘if I hadn’t killed them you’d be dead’ is a subtle way of saying ‘you can’t kill me because you owe me your life’ as though that’s purely manipulative rather than being, you know, true. ‘Even if you refuse to accept I acted for the best, please don’t kill me and I’m going to subtly remind you that you owe me to maximise my chances of getting you to not kill me (after I just risked my life to save yours when it would have been 100x better for me personally if you died)’ is hardly an outrageous position.

It’s interesting, though, isn’t it, that NMJ never again mentions taking his own life as a matter of principle, despite the fact that he subsequently attempts to murder JGY again for the apparently unforgivable crime of … not being able to overrule his abusive father about XY, and then having the temerity to complain to LXC about NMJ’s attempt to murder him.

Obviously the Jin are a huge threat after the war, but these are all pretty feeble reasons for piling on JGY. Sure, maybe JGY would also have tried to protect XY if JGS weren’t around, but the fact is that JGS is around and he’s calling the shots. Besides, once JGS is out of the picture JGY has no issue disposing of XY (with Dr Evil levels of ineptness, apparently), so that’s a fairly decent indicator he’s not ride or die. As for the fact that JGY is making nice to NMJ’s face but complaining behind his back, well. Regardless of any genuine desire to vent to his only friend, I have no doubt he was indeed trying to drive a wedge between NMJ and LXC as a strategic move. But is it wrong of him to do so, considering NMJ is a genuine and present threat to his life and LXC is just not getting it? And does any of the above, including his struggle to maintain his position and all the other work he does for his father mean he deserves death—immediate, extrajudicial and violent death?

Let me put it this way. NMJ is making JGY responsible for his father’s actions and his father’s orders—the question of whether JGY is on board with his father’s instructions is academic, because he has no choice in the matter. JGY cannot opt out of his situation. The only opt out is death, and that is not a meaningful choice because no one else is getting vilified for having the audacity to fight for their place in their world rather than lie down and die. And even if JGY really were a cackling supervillain 100% on board with his father’s diabolical plans, NMJ’s focus on him to the exclusion of JGS is driven by emotion and not by a rational evaluation of the morality and logistics of the situation.

And when he’s insisting that JGY deserves death (and trying to mete it out to him) NMJ never again considers for a moment whether, if JGY really deserves to die, then maybe he does too.

As a third example, to make it a hat trick, we have this:

However, Jin Guangyao wasn’t his subordinate anymore. Only after they became sworn brothers would he have the status and the position to urge Jin Guangyao, like how he disciplined his younger brother, Nie Huaisang. (Chapter 49)

“Brother, it really was my father’s orders. I couldn’t refuse. Now. if you want me to take care of Xue Yang, what would I say to him?” (Chapter 49)

NMJ is perfectly aware that according to the rules of their society and the moral framework he himself subscribes to, JGY’s highest authority is his father. But NMJ can’t accept that. He thinks he should be the ultimate authority over JGY, and though he couches it in moral terms about wanting JGY to follow the correct path, what he really means is what he himself considers to be the correct path. As always, he doesn’t listen to JGY’s perfectly valid points about how it’s not possible for him to do the ‘right’ thing as he just doesn’t have that kind of authority and will only end up making his own life worse. I don’t have a quote demonstrating this, but considering everything we know about NMJ, I think we can infer he would not take kindly to JGY ordering NHS to do something futile and self-destructive in the name of the correct path, purely on the grounds that JGY is now his elder brother.

I’ll acknowledge again that JGY is absolutely an accomplice in his father’s schemes, and the originator of a fair few of them since he’s politically gifted. But it’s just not possible to untangle JGY’s complicity from his need (and his right!) to survive. NMJ is correct to be concerned about JGY as a risk, because he’s a huge asset to JGS. But once again, making JGY a target is not the moral or even the sensible thing to do. We know JGY enjoys aspects of what his father asks him to do. We also know that once his father is out of the picture he gets rid of XY, purges the Jin of corruption and pushes through the watchtower project. When he has agency as a clan leader he doesn’t follow his father’s political agenda to the letter, to say the least! So there is certainly a large dollop of truth in his claims that he has no choice and he’s unhappy and vulnerable.

And then a bonus, something not linked to JGY to demonstrate that NMJ’s hypocrisy extends beyond his personal vendetta.

Nie Mingjue spoke coldly. “If she responded with only silence and not opposition when the Wen Sect was causing mayhem, it’s the same as indifference. She shouldn’t have been so disillusioned as to hope that she could be treated with respect when the Wen Sect was doing evil and be unwilling to suffer the consequences and pay the price when the Wen Sect was wiped out.” (Chapter 73)

Charming. Funny how NMJ says this after spending the war fighting on the same side as the guy who invented demonic cultivation and controls an army of desecrated corpses, violating every possible social and cultural principle they have. But the Sunshot Campaign would have failed without WWX’s contributions, so I suppose NMJ thought that compromise was acceptable. It’s all right for him to stay silent and not oppose WWX, since WWX has been useful to his own agenda. What’s not acceptable is staying silent when the consequence is your own violent death and literally no good whatsoever being achieved thereby.

Aside from being a hypocrite, NMJ is also pathologically incapable of self-reflection.

Finish him!

At the end of the day, NMJ’s principles are inherently contradictory because he’s living in morally relative world where the narrative expects us to take context into account and root for a protagonist who brutally tortures his enemies to death and a romantic lead who find+replaces his ethical framework with ‘Wei Ying’.

It is simply not possible for NMJ to be both righteous and rigid, so when he chooses to be rigid he foregoes being righteous. Even in his moments of flexibility, he continues to apply harsh standards to others that he refuses to apply to himself. That’s what makes him a hypocrite. He isn’t a bastion of absolute morality in a sea of corruption. He’s in denial about the nuanced reality he’s living in, and placing himself on high as a moral authority with no actual mandate. Hypocrisy inevitably results, and the consequences are hugely damaging to everyone around him.