#anyways thought it made sense with owen ?? being technically dead maybe he could see him ??

[thecptn-arch]

❝ — oh— oh, good lord. you can see me, can't you ?? ❞ the captain fumbled, eyes wide and locked onto the stranger's. a newcomer? a new ghost ?? no, it couldn't be ... no one else had set foot on the estate in 𝚢𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜, let alone died here. swagger stick in hand, pointing accusingly at the other — as if it could do any real damage — the captain stood straight, pushing all the authority he could muster into his voice.

❝ how ?? who are you ?? I demand to know what the bally hell is going on, young man !! ❞

@cardiffsfinest — starter call [ owen ] / living dead meet ... dead dead ??

[maple-bow]

Morgan opened his eyes. He wasn't sure where he was. Most of what he perceived was just a swirl of colors, shapes, and sounds. He closed his eyes again.

When Morgan once again woke up, he found himself in a citadel. The citadel was run by the Wolf Queen. It seemed she ruled it with an iron fist and Morgan was her son. Morgan had trouble remembering being her son at first, but the memories eventually came back. It seemed his name was Owen.

Owen was experiencing an increasing number of headaches. It was as if there was something at the edge of his consciousness trying to break through.

Owen did not know who his father was. He had only ever known his mother. She had very high expectations of him. He was eventually supposed to take the Wolven throne. No matter how hard Owen studied the Art of Rule, as his mother called it, he never seemed to satisfy her expectations.

He was approaching his 21st birthday, which was when he was supposed to be crowned the new Wolf Monarch. But his mother made no outward attempt at preparing a ceremony. So Owen was unsure if it was even going to happen. He suspected that if he asked, she'd cruelly shut him down with a "you're not ready" speech. So he didn't bother asking. He figured whatever would happen would happen and tried not to worry about it.

Except now the headaches had become dizzy spells.

"I need to go to bed. Sorry mum." Owen said at the dinner table.

"That's nice dear." the Wolf Queen replied.

Owen got up and stumbled towards his room.

Owen entered his bed and felt like he was coming out of his body. Owen figured he needed rest and tried to sleep. He was successful.

In the dream, Morgan became aware of himself again. He needed to find his original body but he didn't know where to begin. He found a bakery and went inside.

"Back again?" a young man asked.

"I need to get back to my body... Or maybe I can't... Am I dead?" Morgan asked.

"For now." Cookie replied. "Though your body is alive so you might not stay that way."

"So I can go back?" Morgan asked.

"If you can find your way back, yeah."

"How did I even die?"

"Word of advice. Don't eat godly food if you plan to stay attached to your corporeal form."

"Godly food? Oh you mean those cookies. Sorry about that."

"No need to apologize. There's no rule about eating the food, it's just that godly food is for gods. If you eat it, the universe will assume you're a god too and do you the pleasure of discorporating you. Gods aren't alive after all."

"So I'm a god now?"

"Technically yes but it doesn't sound like you plan to remain one long enough to acquire any actual worshippers. God is the word used for the spirits people pay attention to. You sir are more like a ghost."

"How do I find my way back."

"It might help if you find your other pieces. They've been running all around here getting up to mischief. Why'd you split them off anyway."

"Thought it would be faster if I had duplicates to see different things at the same time as me."

"Fair enough."

"Where did my other pieces go?"

"I've been getting complaints about them from Primeria, Betania, Priorland, the Heath, Dinglorn, Neo, and the Overlands."

"Right. Cass's universe. Okay."

Morgan concentrated on the concept of Primeria, hoping he could still teleport the way he could when he was dreaming. He indeed could and found himself in Primeria.

Morgan conjured a cottage and cauldron and tried to scry the history of place. It appeared to be a former colony of Prior Island.

Morgan exited the cottage and vanished it.

---

Owen woke up. He couldn't make much sense of the dream and in any case it was swiftly escaping his capacity to remember it anyway. He was still anxious about whether or not he'd rule, but his headache had gone down and his mind felt a bit clearer. He wondered what his father would think of all this. He wondered where who father was. He had never known his father.

Owen looked around. It was now dark outside. He figured he'd sleep through the rest of the night.

---

Morgan teleported himself across Cassandra's planet, which his research indicated was called Mattalica, absorbing the different aspects of himself one by one. One had taken a form similar to a species called Kess and was leading a group of them in some sort of rebellion. Another was guarding a shrine to the Purple Man at the Heath, a hybrid sanctuary in Dinglorn. All of them appeared to be freely influencing the societies of Mattalica without much care for those societies' rules. Morgan hoped they hadn't caused too much damage.

Having absorbed all his other aspects into himself, he found himself back at the bakery. He went back inside.

"How do I find my body?" He asked Cookie.

"What? Not even a hello?" Cookie replied.

"Oh sorry." Morgan replied. "Hello. How do I find my body."

Cookie sighed. "You have to make contact with Cassandra's spirit."

"How do I do that?"

"How would I know?" Cookie said. "Despite what everyone seems to think. I'm not a walking information dispenser."

"Oh uh... Sorry about that."

Cookie rolled his eyes and vanished.

There was a sound of throat clearing behind Morgan. Morgan turned around and saw Owen standing before him.

"Were you listening that whole time?" Morgan asked.

"Yes. How about we make a deal."

"Huh?"

"I'll help you find Cassandra if you help me find my father."

"Okay..." Morgan replied. "Where do you think he could be?"

"I was born in Cora, Central Prior so maybe there?"

Morgan snapped his fingers. Owen felt his sense of self gently dissolve as he evaporated. He reformed in the town square of Cora. His physical form seemed fine but he now felt like a soul surrounded by meat.

"What building were you born in?" Morgan asked.

"Cora Midwife Guild Headquarters."

Morgan teleported them there and asked a man at a desk to find Owen's name in their records. The records indicated that a woman named Shell had given birth to him. His father was listed as "His Majesty, the Wolf King".

Huh. Guess I don't have a father. Owen thought.

"Is your question answered?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah it is. Thanks for that."

"Could you have not come here yourself?"

"No. Mum never let me leave the castle grounds."

"Oh..." Morgan replied awkwardly.

"Yeah..."

There was an awkward silence for a few seconds. Then Morgan remembered his side of the bargain.

"How do you plan to help me find Cassandra?" Morgan asked.

"Oh... Crap... I didn't think that far..."

"No?" Morgan replied angrily.

"No sorry. I won't cause you any more trouble..." Owen paused. "I seem to be awake."

"Yes." replied Morgan.

"But didn't I meet you in a dream?"

"Yes you did."

"You teleported my body?"

"I didn't think I did..." Morgan replied confused. "I didn't think I could. I guess I was wrong."

"Can you teleport me home then?" Owen asked.

Morgan snapped his fingers. Nothing happened.

"Apparently not." Morgan murmured. "Maybe I didn't take your body here. Maybe you did that yourself. Maybe you're more powerful than you think. I'll help you get home if you use that power to help me find Cassandra."

"Right... Okay..." Owen muttered. "Where did you last see them?"

"The Night City." Morgan replied.

Owen snapped his fingers. Morgan evaporated. Owen meanwhile, teleported himself back to his own bed.

---

Morgan looked around. He had apparently reformed in the Night City. Standing before him, was the spirit of Cassandra, tending a shrine to the Primerian gods.

"Isn't worshipping Primerian gods forbidden?" Morgan asked.

"It's difficult to police the dead." Cassandra replied.

"I'm really sorry I killed you."

"Did you? I'm living in your body right now."

"I'd like my body back please."

Cassandra simply snapped her fingers. Morgan dissolved into a gas and Cassandra absorbed him. They now were truly one being.

---

Owen finally decided he'd had enough and confronted his mother directly.

"Am I becoming king or not?" He said. He has entered a lounge where the Wolf Queen was sitting with her nose in a book.

"The next destined monarch is not a king. It is an incarnation of the goddess Nightingale. Has she taken over your body yet?"

"...No?" Owen replied. "Is that what's giving me headaches? Her trying to take over my body?"

"It's the fact you won't let her."

"How do I let her?"

"I thought she could overpower you but maybe I was wrong about her level of power. It seems she can't do it on her own so you have to cooperate."

"How do I do that?"

"You must be willing to die. There won't be any of the old you left once she takes over."

"Oh. Okay..."

Owen went back to his room, pensive. He had always wanted to be a girl, but death seemed a bit too high a price to pay. Perhaps death was a better alternative to these headaches, but Owen couldn't just disappear. He couldn't bear the idea and wasn't sure how'd he'd even do it.

He eventually fell asleep and found himself back at the bakery. Sitting at one of the tables was a woman who looked very much like him.

"Are you the one who's supposed to kill me?" Owen asked.

"Kill you? Is that what your mother told you?"

"Yeah? She said I'd disappear and you'd take over."

"That's an exaggeration. I mean... If you really didn't want to exist you might disappear in the process but it doesn't seem like that describes you. The actual goal is to fuse."

"That doesn't sound as bad but does it mean I did as an individual? Do I lose my individuality?"

"Depends how it's done. Some people fuse entirely into a singular identity. Others alternate between who is controlling the body. I was hoping we could have an intermediate arrangement where we do both at different times; become two aspects of the same being."

"Can I say no?"

"Certainly. But if you do I don't expect your mother will let you take the throne. My presence would be required to activate the affininty stone at your coronation."

"I want to let you in but... I don't want to feel like I'm being puppeted."

"You wouldn't necessarily be awake."

"I don't want to lose time either."

"I can give you my memories."

"You can? Oh. Okay. I'll give you mine too then."

The goddess snapped her fingers and Owen felt a lot lighter. His soul gently floated out of his body and the goddess floated up to occupy the same place, merging with him completely.

[hopedyad]

semi-plotted fixit starter for @cracked-kyber-crystal | let me know if you’d like me to change anything.

The galaxy rejoiced around the young jedi. Darkness had receaded and people were happy. Life had won, at least this time. Balance was restored. Across the galaxy people took to the streets, voices raised in happiness and joy. With the death of Palpatine, the darkness had really fallen, and even those who weren’t sensative to the force could feel it.

But there were two people who felt the loss of life that it had taken to get to this point. Upon the young Jedi’s return to the Resistance Base, she’d been greeted by her friends, who had pulled her into a hug and she hadn’t been able to deny the relief that they had survived, but it wasn’t enough. But it hadn’t taken long for a familiar and comforting figure to pull Rey into a hug, and pull her away from the celebrations. Leia had lost everyone at this point. Everyone but Rey, Chewie and the droids, that was. Rey felt her greif, and instinctively tried to hide her own.

Just because she was ripped in half didn’t mean she wasn’t needed. So her loss was shoved aside to help Leia, who was tired, so tired. She could feel it. They had brought peace and balance to the galaxy after fighting for Leia’s entire life, but at a cost. One that Leia seemed to wish she had never had to pay. Rey assured her that Ben had found the light at the end, that he’d found his way home. Whether Leia noticed her voice catch at that was debatable.

But it only took a few days for Leia to seemingly recover. Rey could still feel her sadness, but it was tempered. Rey wondered how she did it, not aware they both were excelent at hiding what they truely felt, if only to protect themselves from the pain of loss. And Leia had dealt with even more than herself.

Still she felt herself growing more isolated. As the Resistance shifted towards rebuilding the Republic (oddly not so much with Leia’s help but distant guidence) Rey felt... too alone to care. This was worse than Jakku, it wasn’t a lonliness that she could pretend would go away when her family returned. He wasn’t coming back. That was the point of dying. And it hurt. She had to focus not to touch the edge of where he’d been. The pain of it was often too much to bare. All she had of him was a sweater with holes in it and memories of things. Not nearly enough.

She found herself needing to leave. The Resistance was moving to a core world, already renaming themselves, The Galactic Republic. Anyone and everyone could join, but there were laws, treaties and the likes. Things that made no sense to a girl from Jakku. She needed to leave, the feeling only growing stronger. She wasn’t... wasn’t what they wanted. Too violent and broken, she would not make a good negotiator for anything.

So she slipped into the Falcon, fingers brushing over well worn walls as she moved to the cockpit, where she found an unexpected ally. Chewbacca sat and eyed her, blue eyes somewhere between amused and annoyed. His growl wasn’t accusatory. <Where?> She didn’t know if Chewie had recognized her restlessness over the last few hours or just... knew, but she felt relief as she slipped into the pilot’s chair.

“Tatooine. His greatgrandmother’s there, I think.” The wookie nodded and flicked at the switches. A very annoyed beeping drew her attention and she looked back at the blue and white droid. “I can’t stay here, Artoo. We won’t stay there, I promise.” The droid said something else and she eyed him. “You are sure?” The droid could have sounded less pissed.

She sighed and turned back to the ship controls. She snagged the old headset and settled it on her head only to hear the squacking of a panicked controller. “Millenium Falcon you don’t have authorization to leave!” Connix was a sweet woman, but she followed rules too often.

“I’ll be back, Kaydel. I promise.” She just needed space. With that the ship spun around, it’s bulk elegant, even in the morning jungle air, and they shot up into the sky. She might not be happy, but there was some delight in piloting. The ship went into hyperspeed as soon as they got out of atmosphere and she leaned back into the chair, arms carefully wrapping around herself. She closed her eyes, trying not to think of anything. Of what ifs and what might have beens. That would only make her cry. Chewie asked her if she wanted food, and she shook her head, but he sighed and got up, going to the kitchen to make something.

At some point before Chewie finished she fished out the sweater she’d been carrying in her back. It was too big for her, but she pulled it on anyway, getting lost in the smell of the last person who’d worn it, the tears finally finding her eyes as she curled up into the chair, falling asleep with her arm wraped around her face, nose burried in the sweater.

---

Chewie found her and carried her to bed, settling her carefully in the captain’s quarters before slipping out of the room. He missed the Cub too. He just didn’t know how to tell her as much. He’d stayed with her even after his life debt was technically discharged with Han’s death. Not that he’d ever stuck around because of the life debt. He liked Han to much to leave. And now he’d found himself another orphan who needed someone to watch over them.

He let her sleep as they entered Tatooine space. He was perfectly capable of landing the ship, and dealing with docking fees. He knew that she’d hardly slept since she’d returned from Exogol. Losing a mate was troublesom for non-force sensatives, but as far as he could tell, it effected those who could use it so much  more. Maybe they felt the loss in a way everyone else couldn’t.

---

Rey woke up suddenly as the warmth of the planet seeped into the walls of the freighter. It was too warm, but she didn’t think of taking off the too large sweater, too focused on trying to figure out why she was on a bed and not in the cockpit. Artoo beeped at her from his self-proclaimed guarding spot. “... Wait we are?” She panicked, standing up, and hurrying out of the room, the sleeves of her largest garment rolled up as she hurried out of the room, snagging her bag as she went. As she moved towards the ramp she could smell the dust and sun. Not so different from Jakku then. Chewie was at the bottom of the ramp, talking to someone, and she moved down it. He growled at the man who scurried off. “You should have woken me.”

<Not sleeping is worse.> He told her. <He will supply a speeder. The droid has the location of the Lars farm.> He roared at her easily and she nodded. He noticed the black sweater. <That’s got a hole in it.> He pointed out and she glanced down eyes going wide and a deep blush finding her.

“Oh... right..” She hurried back inside. It wasn’t long before the speeder was provided and Rey climbed in with the droid. “Aren’t you coming?” She asked Chewie who shook his head, roaring about sand and how it didn’t get along wtih his fur. She sighed, and nodded. Alone then. Well mostly. She glanced at Artoo who was already plugged into the speeder.

The wind felt delightful, and it was fmiliar. Warm, hott, the sand spraying on her face. She suddenly wished she had her goggles and some cloths to wrap around her head. She had forgotten she might need those. Dressed in dark clothing, she knew she might stand out on Tatooine, but it helped a little.

The Lars Farm was... decrepit. She stepped off the speeder with... trepedation. This was a dead place. Long dead. Lost to the sand, almost. She moved around it, looking for something. What she found was a headstone peaking out from the sand and instantly her hand reached out. Wind seemed to leap up from around her, whirling and twisting. Suddenly it swept forward, clearing the sand from the headstones. Four of them. She didn’t know their ages, but the names were there. Owen, Beau, Clieg and Shmi. Though the last one had a longer name than the other three. Skywalker-Lars. She crouched down to look at the small, but beautiful stone, fingers reaching out to touch the sandstone curiously.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered. All that was left of this woman’s line was Leia. It would end there, and it wasn’t fair. “I couldn’t save him, and I’m sorry.” The tears came quickly and she knelt before the grave of a long dead woman who probably didn’t even care what Rey thought. It all hurt too much.

She didn’t know how long she cried, but she jerked to stand when a voice called out to her. “Hello? Who’s there?” The panic in the old feminine voice drew Rey’s attention. Rey turned to see a woman with a Bantha. She was old, weather worn. Rey was reminded of the old woman from Jakku.

“Rey.” Her voice was still full of tears but the name was at least clear.

“Rey who? This place has been desolate for so long, are you going to claim it?” The old woman asked, taking a step towards Rey who instinctively stepped back, almost falling over Shmi’s gravestone. She didn’t know how to answer the woman. There was no last name. Palpatine had lied, she’d known that as soon as he’d tried to taunt her with being her grandfather. She’d always been good at knowing when someone was lying. “Well?”

“Rey...” She paused, thinking. There was a name she’d have liked to have taken... if ther ehad been time to figure out what anything had meant, what being a Dyad had meant. “Solo.” She said after a pause, the woman snorted.

“Dumb name.” The woman glanced at the mostly burried house. “So are you taking it?” Rey glanced at the building, before shaking her head.

“No... just... paying respects.” She said finally and the woman snorted before walking off, obviously annoyed at... whatever Rey had said. She hugged herself, eyes closing as the sun beat down at her neck. The three buns she wore were an attempt at control, but they were loose and one of them a bit to the side. She just felt alone.

outfit: click

[joyandowen]

MPR

Joy learns a bit more about Owen, and it isn’t exactly what he expects.

Summer was hot. Texas was hot. Joy jokingly suggested they go to a waterpark, and Owen realized that the best one, ever in his opinion, was actually only about a seven hour drive from their hotel in Amarillo. Joy thought it was insane to drive that far, when he was sure there were waterparks closer, but Owen assured him that he was wrong. Who was Joy to question it anyways, they were in Owen’s home state, he knew this place better than Joy did, so they headed off on their long journey to the waterpark.

The plan was to stop for the night when they got there, and hit up the park first thing in the morning. When they got to their hotel, around midnight, Joy realized that going to a waterpark would be awfully hard without swimsuits, which neither of them had. This had to be rectified and immediately.

So a midnight trip to Wally-World was in order.

“I’m pretty sure there’s, like, health reasons that people can’t wear jeans in swimming pools,” Joy points out, tilting his head toward Owen as the other rolls his eyes.

“Dude, I know that, but that doesn’t mean I have to put up with buying a bathing suit, at midnight.”

“Well, you are putting up with it. Actively putting up with it in fact. If you didn't want to put up with it, then you should’ve brought one with you when you decided to drop out of college and go on an exciting cross-country journey where you very well might end up going to a waterpark or something.” Joy snorts, and Owen shrugs. “I’m just saying, you knew you were going on this long trip to see the sights, you should’ve prepared for water. There’s loads of fun places to swim in this country.”

“Well, yeah, but I never had any reason to go swimming until you came along back in Indiana.” He quirks an eyebrow at Joy, “I didn’t need a bathing suit until you came along.”

“You didn’t even go to the pool at any hotels?” Joy asks, honestly a bit surprised, leaning toward Owen a little, “Are you like my sister, do hotel swimming pools give you the heebie jeebies? Because I don’t blame you. I mean think of just how many people have been in and out of that pool, and who the fuck knows how often the water really gets cleaned or changed or whatever.”

Owen pulls into the Walmart parking lot and finds a space while Joy rambles about the dangers of hotel pools. Owen puts the car in park, turns a bit to face Joy and rests his hand over the back of his seat. “Okay, so I wasn’t worried about hotel pools before, but I sure as shit am now. So thanks for that.”

“You’re welcome,” Joy cuts in, smirking a bit and quickly climbing out of the car and heading off toward the doors, leaving Owen behind. He’ll catch up, but it’s funny to see Joy go, a little pep in his step because he's excited to buy bathing suits or whatever.

Owen makes sure the car is locked before following after, and he doesn’t catch up until Joy’s at the rack of various swim trunks, flipping through and humming softly. He's  mumbling to himself as he tries to determined what would be best. Owen leans on the rack and flips through with less enthusiasm. Mostly he’s watching Joy, who eventually grabs one and grins. “Okay I like this one,” he declares, and holds up a pair that are blue stripes. “They have fucking drawstrings on the legs, look,” He tugs on a string. Owen quirks an eyebrow at that.

“Neat. Those’ll be convenient for, uh, y’know,” he gestures vaguely to Joy’s legs, “How are we doing that, by the way? Do I just have to carry you all day and put you in inner tubes and shit?”

“I mean, probably. Technically I could scoots along myself, but it’ll be easier if you help. Maybe they’ll have some kind of wheelchair I can use to get from place to place, and then you only have to worry about inner tubing me.” Joy smiles, this cute thing that makes Owen worry a lot less about whether or not they’ll be okay with him in a waterpark.

He picks out a pair of shorts for himself, some plain black ones. There’s some white details on them but not much. They’re pretty bland, in the grand scheme. “Alright, that works for me. I mean I won’t mind carrying you if they don’t have anything to wheel you around in. We’ll just, y’know, burn that bridge when we get to it.” Joy smiles, nods at him, and looks down to his choice of shorts once more. Owen watches him for a moment before Joy nods again, satisfied with his choice. They head for the register.

They head to the self checkout, which ended up being on the other side of the store from where they parked, but that’s no big deal. They purchase their suits as Owen starts telling Joy all about how awesome the park they’re going to is.

“I mean it’s basically two parks, when you really think about it, because there’s the old park and the new park, right? So you can go from one to the other and they’re like totally different parks. I like the new side, because it’s where the wave pool is, and who doesn’t love a good wave pool, I mean, you’d have to be completely boring to not- Joy? Hey, Joy.” He turns a bit, when he realizes Joy isn’t next to him anymore. He turns around to see him stopped and staring at a wall.

He leans a bit to see what Joy is looking at. He realizes it’s the board they’ve got that’s covered in missing persons posters. “Hey, Joy?” he calls out, but Joy still doesn’t move. Owen heads back to him, “Are you good?”

Joy’s eyes don’t move, he’s really hung up on something, huh? “Your last name is… Peterson, right?”

“Uh, yeah, why does that… Why?” Owen finally turns a bit and scans the posters before landing on the one he’s sure that Joy is staring at. It’s one just like all the others except it’s… Owen.

They both continue to stare at it for a moment. Owen feels a sort of panic in him and he steps up, grabbing the paper and ripping it off the wall. “Come on, let’s go,” he insists, grabbing Joy’s arm and tugging a little. But Joy doesn’t budge, he’s staring at Owen now.

“Owen, what the fuck?”

“Look, it’s- it’s nothing, I’ll explain in the car, can we go, please?”

Joy pulls his hand out of Owen’s and he holds both his hands up, “Fine, fine, but it better be a good explanation, because what the fuck, Owen?” He gestures to the balled up paper in Owen’s hand and Owen rolls his eyes.

He grabs Joy’s arm again and this time he pulls a bit harder, “I know, listen it’ll make sense, just- come on!” Joy finally gives, and Owen drags him out of the store. The silence and tension is building up quickly between them even as they sit in the car. Joy snatches the paper from Owen before he can even think to hold on tight, and Owen watches Joy unfold it, and scrutinize it for a solid five minutes before he tries to speak.

“Joy, I-”

“No, nope, not yet. Owen, you’re on a missing person poster, people don’t just, like… What?”

Owen fidgets a bit, shifting down in his seat and hugging himself a little, “It’s not a big deal, okay, jesus, I just. I didn’t… Tell anyone I left. It’s not like I got kidnapped or anything, I don’t even know who reported me missing, I didn’t think anyone would bother to report me missing, I don’t know why there’s a poster of me, no one should have cared I was gone, so can we just ignore it? I know where I am, that’s all that matters, right?”

“No, Owen! That’s not all that matters! We’ve been driving around for, what, like three months? And you started a month before you met me, Owen, someone out there, someone who cares that you disappeared made this report, and they’ve been sitting at home waiting for a phone call telling them you’re okay, this is a big deal! It’s been four months, what if they think you’re dead or something?”

Owen shakes his head, hard, and he sits up again, putting on his seat belt and starting the car, “It was probably just the school police or something! I didn’t show up to class and they couldn’t find me in my dorm so they just reported me missing because no one knew where I was, it’s not- jesus, Joy, no one’s sitting at home worrying about me, no one cares about me that much.”

“I care about you that much, but I’m not the one who-”

“That’s not what I meant, Joy, fuck, just drop it, okay?” Joy’s mouth snaps shut. He stares at Owen as he backs out of the parking space and peels out of the parking lot. Joy settles into his seat, puts on his seat belt, and holds onto the poster as they head back to the hotel.

The ride is tense and quiet. Owen can’t get himself to turn on the radio, worried it will break this tension and Joy will start yelling at him or something.

They get to the hotel finally. Owen grabs their bags and he watches as Joy leaves him behind to head into their room. The door slams, and Owen follows behind, letting himself in and gently closing the door behind him. It seems Joy has already locked himself in the bathroom. Owen just sighs, drops their things, changes into pajamas and goes to bed. Joy can’t exactly stay in the bathroom forever, and Owen pushing him to talk about this would definitely be the wrong move. Not that Owen is particularly eager to broach the subject, either, but if he could have convinced Joy to not treat it like it’s a big deal, that would have been great.

Instead, Owen lays down to try and go to sleep, and he stays like that for a while before he feels Joy climb into bed with him. He presses up against his back and asks softly if he’s awake.

“Yeah,” Owen answers softly, “unfortunately. I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine. I know why you wouldn’t wanna tell me,” Joy says softly, pressing a gentle kiss to his shoulder blade. “I… I made a phone call.”

Owen shakes his head. He pushes himself to sit up, “Shit, seriously?”

“Yeah. She was a girl from one of your classes. I told her the whole story, even sent her pictures so she’d believe me.” Owen can feel Joy’s frown in the dark. “She said that last she’d heard you were in the hospital, and then you just… Up and vanished. She said no one else was worried about you. Or at least didn’t seem to be.”

“I don’t blame them, I wouldn’t have been worried about me either.”

Joy’s frown doesn’t budge. He sits up to give Owen’s shoulder another kiss, “Can you please tell me what happened? Why were you in the hospital.”

Owen shakes his head a little, he turns over and he grabs Joy’s shoulders, pulling him into an intense kiss. “I’ll… Jesus, I’ll tell you, but i just. I need you to… Wait. Until I’m done to, like, say anything, y’know? It’s a long story.”

“I promise, no judgement. I’ll listen. I just… I need to know, Owen. I need to know what to expect, I need to know about this if we’re gonna keep doing this.”

“I know. I will, just… Fuck, okay so… I guess I’ll start when I was a kid, this story needs a lot of fucking context.”

[fromtheringapron]

Coliseum Critique: WWF Rampage ‘91

It’s so easy to write off the WWF Coliseum Home Video releases of the ‘80s and ‘90s as merely products of their time because, well, they are. And truthfully, it’s tough explaining their appeal to anyone who wasn’t fortunate enough to have them on the shelves of their local video store back in the day. But thanks to the WWE Network finally caving to years of demand, they’ve been uploaded for critical reappraisal. That they’ve been so requested by fans suggests they’re were more than just a fad, and I’ll be exploring why with the Coliseum Critique.  

I chose to start with WWF Rampage ’91 because, um, The Rockers teaming up with The Big Bossman? Count me the fuck in. In all seriousness though, I feel like this tape is pretty exemplary of the Coliseum Home Video library. There are a bunch of random matches strewn together, with some silly segments sprinkled in between. That may not seem like much in a time where big matches are given away for free on Raw every week, but matches between two name talents didn’t happen all the time on TV back in ’91 so something like Road Warrior Animal vs. Paul Roma is made to feel all the more special and important. It’s almost like not showing all of your roster on TV every week to the point of overexposure can actually work in getting everyone over. Hmmm.

Anyway, let’s get down to it. I’ll be structuring these reviews a bit differently than my regular ones and I’m honestly still figuring out how to do that so bear with me:

Golfing with Sean Mooney, Gene Okerlund, and Bobby Heenan: This is a series of segments shown between each match, but I think it’s best to keep it as one entry because I’m lazy. It’s not a proper Coliseum Home Video release if Sean Mooney isn’t hosting it. It’s hard to describe the appeal of Mooney, but I do think it has something to do with the fact he seems like your average newscaster who just so happens to be thrown into the wacky world of pro wrestling and deals with it accordingly. He’s also not unlike Julie Chen on Big Brother in the sense that his awkward, stilted manner of talking actually enhances his charm.

He’s joined by Okerlund and Heenan at a golf course, which is apparently located in Stamford, CT and is probably just Vince McMahon’s backyard. The segments are mostly just Heenan being incompetent at golf despite Okerlund’s attempts at giving him lessons. That’s another thing about Coliseum Home Video. You’ll get these random segments that have nothing to do with wrestling, but are nonetheless a delight. It’s just a hoot seeing larger-than-life characters try to do everyday stuff.

Intercontinental Championship Match: Mr. Perfect (champion) (with The Coach) defeated The British Bulldog via disqualification: Perfect and Bulldog wrestled each other a lot on the house show circuit in the spring/summer of ’91. Mooney keeps calling Perfect “The Flawless One” on commentary and it annoys me a great deal. Stop trying to make fetch happen, Sean. This match also gives us a rare look at Perfect’s short-lived manager The Coach, who is such a downgrade from Heenan and is super unnecessary. Since they’re setting up Bret Hart as the top contender for the IC title by the time of this match, he shows up in Bulldog’s corner mid-match but winds up causing Bulldog to get disqualified when he attacks Perfect. If I were Bulldog, I’d actually be pissed at Bret for costing me the title. He really couldn’t rise above his tiff with Perfect to help his brother-in-law win the title? I guess Owen was right; Bret is too damn selfish.

The Texas Tornado fought The Warlord to a double count-out: This takes places in Madison Square Garden. The Warlord’s look is amazing, sorry. Seriously one of my favorites. I know some people mock it, but I dig the Phantom of the Opera meets Star Trek vibe of it all. You know who doesn’t look amazing? The Texas Tornado, who is wearing years of drug use on his face by this point. I’d say more but HOLY FUCK JIM NEIDHART IS ANNOYING ON COMMENTARY. I have no idea why they thought his work in 30-second Hart Foundation promos would translate into hours-long television broadcasts, but this match takes place smack in the middle of that experiment. As for the match, both guys get counted out of the ring, but Neidhart’s commentary caused me to nearly blackout so I kinda feel like I missed most of it.

Road Warrior Animal defeated Paul Roma (with Hercules): Different MSG show, same annoying Neidhart commentary. What’s really distracting here though is that the order of the classic red/white/blue ring ropes has been switched up, with blue as the top rope instead. It’s amazing how just swapping the red and blue ropes can suddenly make the WWF look like a knock-off indy fed. Anyway, Roma and Hercules flip a coin before the match to see who will wrestle Animal but since this is Power & Glory post-WrestleMania VII, they’re already losing either way. No idea of Road Warrior Hawk’s whereabouts during this match, but I’m guessing it’s due to an injury, drugs, or the classic wrestling mix of both.

The Big Bossman & The Rockers (Shawn Michaels & Marty Janetty) defeated The Mountie & The Nasty Boys (with Jimmy Hart): One of the coolest things about Coliseum Home Video is that you’d sometimes get these ultra rare team-ups you would never see on television. The Rockers teaming up The Bossman is a prime example, so my enjoyment of this match largely coasted on that basis alone, or maybe it’s just because Shawn wears one of those silly Rockers hats to the ring completely stone-faced. I haven’t had the opportunity to talk it about it before, but The Mountie’s entrance music is incredible. It’s like an aerial shot of the Canadian Rockies put to sound. Just beautiful. On a grim note, it’s taken me forever to realize the Bossman is wearing the Confederate Flag on the sleeve of his shirt. And here I thought he was problematic for killing Al Snow’s dog and ruining the funeral for Big Show’s dad.

The Dragon defeated Demolition Smash: Simply referring to Ricky Steamboat as “The Dragon” does not feel kosher in any way, but that’s what the WWF wants us to roll with. Like, I get they wanted him to appeal to younger viewers, but didn’t he already do a pretty a good job of that in his first run just by being Ricky Steamboat? The funny part is that The Dragon was actually my introduction to Steamboat, as I owned his Hasbro figure growing up. This is from the same MSG show with the messed-up ropes. Again, distracting. Watching Demolition Smash here all by himself makes me deeply sad. He’s stripped of everything that made Demolition the top tag team in all of wrestling just a year prior. No Axe, no Crush, no Rick Derringer entrance music, no S&M masks. Even Mr. Fuji has bailed on him. No wonder why he turned to a life of Long Ranger masks and stealing people’s stuff. The poor guy had nothing.

The Barbarian (with Bobby Heenan) defeated Jake Roberts via count-out: My mind drifted during this match, admittedly. I will say The Barbarian’s look is also amazing. They really did a good job of making sure both former members of the Powers of Pain look like total badasses. This takes place during that special time where Earthquake murdered Jake Roberts’ pet snake Damien on TV. Quake gets involved in the match here to continue the feud, although when he came to ringside I started thinking what it would’ve been like if he were managed by Heenan instead. Like, I imagine Heenan would’ve quickly picked up a guy whose raison d’etre was once to put Hulk Hogan permanently on the shelf, yes? The downside is that we’d be robbed of those amazing promos where Quake is bouncing around with Jimmy Hart shrieking in the background. Anyway, The Barbarian holds a victory over Jake Roberts. How about that?

Greg Valentine defeated Haku: This is from the other Rampage event, broadcast exclusively in the UK a month after WrestleMania VII. Vince McMahon and Roddy Piper are on commentary for this. I don’t really have much to say about the match, other than Greg Valentine as a face is super weird. It’s such a contrast to his “grumpy bus driver” aesthetic.

Power & Glory (Hercules & Paul Roma) (with Slick) fought The Orient Express (Kato & Tanaka) (with Mr. Fuji) to a double count-out: Okay, this is the random ass shit I want out of a Coliseum Home Video release. You see, kids, a classic Coliseum Home Video match isn’t a showcase of technical expertise or a high-risk spotfest. Rather, it’s the matches that make you stop in your tracks and say, “Um, what?” That’s simply the Coliseum Home Video way, and a generation of fans accepted it.

Heel vs. heel matches are already pretty rare for this time period, but what also makes this match a bit of an odd duck is that both teams were on their way out by the time of this video’s release. The Orient Express never got that huge of a push, but Power & Glory look like a shadow of the fresh-faced tag team they were just a year prior. Hercules in particular looks like he’s aged 10 years, and I could probably write up a separate entry on the dreariness of Herc’s final months in the WWF alone. It’s appropriate that this match ends in a draw considering both teams are going absolutely nowhere. And, wow, two Paul Roma matches on this tape? Coliseum Home Video, you sneaky temptress.

At Home with Paul Bearer: I love skits like this. It’s fluff, yes, but it’s also character development just for the sake of it. This honestly would’ve freaked me out as a kid, especially the part where a human corpse falls out of Bearer’s closet. Bearer shows us his cocktail bar where he makes his favorite drink, a Bloody Mary except we’re supposed to believe it’s actually blood from a dead person named Mary. He can also make a Bloody Jane, Cindy, and Tom. His favorite book is Death of a Salesman which, I mean, cool if you like it, Paul, but I’m personally not an Arthur Miller fan. He’s also apparently inherited the Macho King’s throne after Randy Savage retired from that role. I’m kinda disappointed we didn’t get to see the rest of his home. What’s his bathroom look like?

The Ultimate Warrior defeated The Undertaker (with Paul Bearer) via disqualification: The Warrior/Taker feud is proof that you can go totally out there with a storyline and still have people invested in it. I mean, I’m pretty sure the basis of the feud is that Taker tried to murder the Warrior by locking him in a casket, which in turn triggered Warrior’s claustrophobia (there is a lot of attempted murder in early ‘90s WWF, if you pay close attention). Warrior then sought guidance from Jake Roberts, who trained him by burying him up to his head in a grave and later betrayed him by leading him to a room where he was bit by a fake cobra in a box. Um, okay, not sure how they’re getting from point A to point B there, but whacked-out shit like this is why I watch wrestling.

It also helps that I actually dig the Warrior/Taker pairing because I think the characters compliment each other quite well, with Warrior’s frenetic energy contrasting nicely to Taker’s cold, emotionless demeanor. One thing that surprised me about this match is that Warrior gets his ass kicked for much of it. Taker is really being made to look like a legit threat around this time, which sets him up perfectly for Hogan later in the year. He gets some of Warrior’s face paint on his gloves, which Lord Alfred Hayes on commentary seems to mistake as human skin on commentary. That’s a tasty visual if there ever was one.

And with that, the tape reaches its conclusion!

What I’ve Learned: Coliseum Home Video releases were a great way of developing characters without worrying about putting them near a wrestling ring or wasting any precious television time. In retrospect, they also serve as a nice history lesson as to what the feuds and roster were like at the time of the video’s release, and this particular tape gave me plenty of insight into the state of things in the spring/summer of 1991. Yes, the matches are randomly strewn together, and they wouldn’t be able to pull it off successfully today, but it’s a nice reminder of a time where booking made matches between wrestlers on the lower end of the card still fresh and important. Other things I’ve learned: Bret is too damn selfish, the works of Arthur Miller aren’t interesting, The Bossman isn’t quite as reputable a policeman as everyone thinks, The Barbarian and The Warlord are the fashionistas we’ve always needed, and Jim Neidhart should stay far, far away from the commentary booth.