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worldsokayestdragon · 6 months ago

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The Transitive Property

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Ed couldn't sleep the first night after Greed joined his little crew-sorry, after they joined Greed.

The voice of reason in his head (sounding annoyingly like his little brother) pointed out that this was probably because he wasn't trying to sleep, but that wasn't the point.

The point was he found himself sitting awake by the dying fire-long after Darius and Heinkel had turned in for the night and started snoring loud enough to alert all of Amestris to their location-staring at Greed while trying not to let the homunculus catch him looking.

And it was stupid! Why should he have to hide what he was doing? It wasn't like he even really cared about Greed. He was looking for any signs of Ling. His boyfriend had been possessed right in front of him (willingly, on purpose, like the stubborn asshole he could be when he felt like it) and then disappeared for months only to show back up long enough to freeload all of Ed's food-again-and have a five minute conversation before getting reabsorbed into the monster possessing him. Quite frankly, Ed thought he was more than justified in staring. He had every right to interrogate, to poke and prod, to demand to speak to Ling.

The voice that sounded too much like Al reminded him that pissing Greed off and potentially driving him away wouldn't help him get Ling back, that just because something was justified didn't mean it was smart, and that eventually he'd have to stop flying off the handle all the time and learn to be more strategic.

So Ed restrained himself to observing. It didn't make him feel better. It was Ling's face in front of him, except that it wasn't. Familiar features of a person he cared about forming expressions that were all wrong, his boyfriend's body with someone else's posture. Greed hadn't spoken for a while, but Ed knew that his voice would be too low, too rough, the Amestrian accent grating on Ed's nerves when it came out of Ling's mouth.

But there were glimmers of hope. As they sat in silence, Greed's expression changed every so often. The shifts were tiny, subtle, but Ed knew Ling's face well enough to spot them even if he couldn't be sure what they meant on Greed. The corners of his lips twitched as if fighting a smile, his eyebrows furrowed in the barest start of a frown. occasionally he tilted his head as if listening to someone or formed his mouth around words without vocalization. There was no one else around, and he wasn't talking to Ed, so all signs pointed to Greed and Ling having some sort of internal conversation. Really the fact that he was sitting quietly supported that hypothesis; the Greed they'd met in Dublith had never shut up, and this version had seemed just as chatty back in Central.

If Ling was aware and strong enough to keep a running commentary to Greed, he might be able to seize another opportunity to take back control of his body. If nothing else, maybe the dumbass could annoy the homunculus into trading a few minutes conversation for some peace and quiet.

Or maybe he'd annoy Greed too much and get his consciousness completely destroyed, pushed so deep into the philosopher's stone it would never resurface. Greed may have turned on the other homunculi, but that didn't mean he was a good person now. For all Ed knew he might hold no more value for human life than the rest of his wacko little "family".

Ling could be in very real danger, could already be suffering, and there was nothing Ed could do about it, he couldn't even know for sure, and what kind of useless boyfriend-

Greed broke the silence with a low growl, effectively interrupting the spiral of doom Ed's thought had been trapped in. He was glaring at Ed now, apparently having caught on to all the staring and not appreciating it. The growl sounded more frustrated than aggressive, but still. Ed shifted, getting ready to jump to his feet and run or fight if necessary.

"Alright short stack, if you're gonna sit there angsting at me all night you could at least tell me what your deal is."

Ed shot to his feet, hands balled into fists as he shouted down at Greed, "Who are you calling short?! I'll kick your ass right now!" So much for not flying off the handle, but a man had to have standards.

Greed didn't rise to meet him. He looked calmly up at him from his seated position, apparently completely unconcerned with Ed's rage. He looked more amused than anything, which did nothing to improve Ed's mood.

"Yeah, sure you will," Greed agreed, too easily to be anything but patronizing. "But seriously, would you tell me what your problem with me is? As your new leader, I can't have this kind of hostility from my henchmen."

Ed bristled at the henchman comment, but bit back any retort to it. He had agreed to following Greed after all, and it really wouldn't bother him if he wasn't already so pissed.

"My problem with you?" Ed scoffed. "Well, putting aside what happened in Dublith-"

Ed cut himself off sharply when pain flashed across Greed's face, different from how Ling would wear it but still unmistakable. It occurred to him that everyone Greed had known in Dublith had ended up dead, and that Ling had been pretty vague about what had caused Greed to freak out and let him gain control.

Maybe poking that particular sore spot wasn't the best idea. Ed might not have a reputation as the nice Elric brother, but he didn't try to be outright cruel.

Before Ed could beat himself up too much about putting such a sad look on Ling's face, even by proxy, it disappeared behind Greed's usual smug expression.

"What happened in Dublith, huh?" he asked. "I thought I remembered seeing you there. Honestly though, that whole scene's a little fuzzy, so I still don't know why you're looking at me like you wanna kill me."

"You kidnapped my brother and beat the shit out of me!" Feeling bad about how things turned out didn't give Greed a pass for starting the whole mess.

Greed tilted his head. "Huh? Doesn't everyone do shit like that to you, though? I mean, you said those chimera guys were trying to kill you when you met."

"That's..." Ed faltered. Technically it wasn't an incorrect assessment. Lots of people attacked him when meeting him for the first time, and he didn't usually hold a grudge over it. Hell, Ling had ordered his personal guards to beat some answers out of Ed and Al, and then Ed had agreed to go on a date with him a few hours later. Lan Fan hadn't pulled her punches either.

But just because their fight in Dublith hadn't been too out of the ordinary (god his life was weird) didn't mean Ed didn't still have plenty of reason to hate Greed.

"Fine then, maybe I'm pissed because you're possessing Ling! You stole his body and now you're walking around wearing his face, doing who knows what to him in there, and you won't fucking let him go!"

"Whoa whoa whoa." Greed held up his hands as if trying to hold back Ed's anger. He didn't look exactly apologetic, but he'd dropped the smirk and seemed to be taking the conversation seriously for the first time. "Couple of problems with all that. One, it wasn't my idea to possess the guy. I can't exactly control what dear old dad does with my stone when I don't have a body, and it's not like I can just leave once I'm in here. Two, I didn't steal shit. He agreed to give me his body. We had a whole conversation about it. This is my body now, and you not liking it doesn't change the fact that it was Ling's choice. And three, I'm not doing anything to him. If anything it's what he's doing to me, damn princely brat's been talking my ear off since I got this body, it's seriously annoying.”

Ed really wished he could believe that.

“So you're not torturing him to prove you're better than humans or punish him for defying you or whatever? Because I talked to Envy about how you homunculi feel about humans, and it doesn't seem like you'd be cool with sharing a body just like that.”

Greed gasped and put a hand to his chest like he'd been shot. “Did you just compare me to Envy? Envy's a fucking asshole! Their whole ‘humans are garbage I'm so much better’ thing is their own personal problem, I don't give a shit about any of that. Humans, chimera, any of the other homunculi that don't end up dead, it doesn't matter. They'll all belong to me once I take over the world!”

Ed should maybe be concerned about his new ally casually bringing up world domination, but he couldn't really bring himself to care.

“You're serious? Ling's really okay?”

Greed rolled his eyes. “Yeah, he's fine. I keep saying I don’t lie, but no ever listens. Look, he agreed to let me have his body-which makes him my possession-and I take good care of my things. He's got nothing to complain about!” Greed paused, tilting his head slightly, then pinched the bridge of his nose. “Actually, he's great at finding things to complain about, but since I don't need to eat and I also can't control the amount of screaming from people who are grumpy they got turned into a rock, none of his complaints are my problem.”

Ed’s right knee went weak with relief. The left stayed strong, Winry's handy work as sturdy as ever, but he sat down heavily anyway, finally giving up his position standing over Greed.

He'd been trying not to think about it-and there'd been one crisis after the other to distract him-but it had been eating at Ed, not knowing if Ling was okay. And after sending his best friend and baby brother off with a literal serial killer and hoping for the best, the accumulated weight of uncertainty about the fates of his loved ones had been almost too much to bear. Now hearing that Ling hadn't been suffering horribly, that he wasn't in any danger (or at least not from the being controlling his body) had Ed feeling so much lighter he almost didn't know what to do with himself.

Maybe he was crazy for taking Greed's word for it, but he sounded so sincere. Really there was no reason for him to lie, it wasn't like Ed could do anything about it if he had been hurting Ling. If anything he'd probably want to gloat if he was anything like Envy (and it seemed like maybe he wasn’t).

Looking back, Ling hadn't seemed that bad off at the cabin. Sure he'd collapsed, but he just kind of did that sometimes. He'd bounced right back after eating, just like he had back in Rush Valley, and Central, and Gluttony's stomach. Greed kept complaining about Ling being annoying, but now that Ed was a few more steps away from panic he realized there had been a hint of fondness in his voice as he did so. And, well. Ed could understand finding Ling extremely irritating in an endearing sort of way.

“What’s your guys’ deal anyway?” Greed interrupted Ed's thoughts.

“Our–What?”

Greed waved a hand impatiently. “You know, you’re obsessed with each other. First Ling was all ‘Stop fighting Ed, you might hurt him. No I can’t tell you where Lan Fan is, you have to find Ed and give him the message. I wonder where Ed is. I hope Ed’s okay. Hey, we should totally join Ed’s stupid little group and wander through the woods together!’ And now you won’t stop creepy staring at my face and you’re having some kinda breakdown over the idea that he might possibly be unhappy. It’s weird.”

“Ling didn’t tell you?” Ed tried not to let himself feel too hurt by that. There could be lots of reasons for Ling to keep their relationship to himself. Even if he was apparently talking to Greed all the time, there must be a good reason he never brought up Ed in the months they'd been apart.

“No! He won’t shut up about anything else. Yapping on and on about Xing, and his clan, and Lan Fan and Fu, and he mentions you constantly, but every time I ask about you he says it’s none of my business. Can you believe that? He’s my possession, his business is my business! Not to mention he’s thinking about it inside my brain, which makes it double my business.”

That made a certain kind of sense. It was probably hard having any privacy while sharing your body with another person, so of course Ling might want to keep something to himself. And, Ed remembered, Greed's stupid speech about wanting everything rather pointedly included women. He maybe wouldn't appreciate the fact that his new body’s owner was dating a man when he himself was aggressively straight.

“If Ling says it's none of your business then it's none of your business.” Even if Ed didn't love being kept a secret, he wouldn't betray Ling by giving out information he wanted to keep private.

“Ugh, come on!” Greed whined, flopping back dramatically to lay on the ground. “I'm the one in charge here and still no one tells me anything. You even looked all sad about me not knowing, and yet you're not gonna–”

Greed cut himself off mid sentence and sat back up to look at Ed.

“Your boyfriend?”

Somehow Ed got the idea the question wasn't for him even though Greed was staring right at him.

A grin grew slowly across Greed's face.

“Our boyfriend.”

The hell did that mean?!

SMACK

Before Ed could react, almost faster than his eyes could follow, Greed raised his right hand and slapped himself across the face.

“Ow! What the hell, Ling?” Greed pushed his right hand down by the wrist before reaching up with his left to rub his cheek. “That fucking hurt, you asshole! Why–you know I can't understand the Xingese when you talk that fast. Stop yelling at me!”

“What did you mean by–”

“Give us a minute,” Greed said, holding up a finger in Ed's direction.

“No I will not give you a minute!” Ed yelled. “You can't just say some crap like that then ignore me! Explain what you're talking about right now or I swear I'm gonna…”

Greed was no longer looking at Ed. He was staring off into the distance, eyes unfocused. If Ed had to guess, he'd say the homunculus was so tuned in to whatever argument he was having with Ling he wasn't even hearing Ed anymore. No amount of yelling would help with that, and despite popular belief to the contrary, Ed could recognize a losing battle when he saw one. He just usually chose to fight them anyway.

Ed picked up a twig from the ground and threw it at Greed's face. It bounced off his nose and he blinked, eyes focusing back on Ed with a startled look.

“If you're going to talk about me in front of me, at least have your half of the conversation out loud, would you?”

Greed nodded. “Yeah that's fair.” He shifted his gaze slightly, looking near but not directly at Ed as he continued. “I don't see what the problem is. He's your boyfriend, and you're mine, so it makes sense–yes that is how it works, it's science.”

Ed already wasn't crazy about how this conversation was going. “When you say he's yours–”

“What do you mean we're not dating?” Greed sounded genuinely confused now. “You agreed to share your body with me, and you asked me to rule a country with you! How is that not–Oh, so you can have fifty wives, but two boyfriends is too–”

“He's not gonna have fifty wives,” Ed interrupted. “He's getting rid of–”

“Yeah yeah, we're doing away with that custom, I know.” Greed waved a hand in Ed's direction as he spoke, still looking at nothing as he had been for his whole conversation with Ling, as if responding to both of them at the same time.

“Why are you getting so worked up over this anyway?” Ed asked. “Aren't you straight?”

Greed's eyes snapped to Ed's face, expression scandalized. “Aren't I what?” he gasped, as if this was the most offensive thing anyone had ever said to him.

“Straight?” Ed didn't see what the big deal was, it had seemed like a fair assumption. “You had a whole speech about wanting women or whatever.”

“I'm Greed.” He spoke slowly, as if explaining something obvious that he'd been forced to go over many times. “I want everything. Gender isn't even a factor for me. Honestly I don't get why humans are so obsessed with it. People would get weird sometimes if I mentioned wanting men too, so I stopped saying that part to avoid the hassle. Still, I can't believe I’ve been giving off straight vibes.” He looked down and tugged at his coat. “Maybe it's the outfit? I told his highness he should have let me pick out better clothes. There was this great vest and also these awesome sunglasses I wanted to get, but he wouldn't go for it. Kept bitching about how awful they were until I chose something more simple.”

“Oh yeah, you had something like that the first time I met you. That was such a cool look!” Ed had pretty much hated Greed's guts back in Dublith, but he couldn't deny the man had style.

“Thank you!” Greed threw up his hands. “Ya hear that, Ling? He thinks it's cool too…Hey, don't call me and our boyfriend tacky in the same way, asshole! Huh? Oh, good point.”

Greed turned back to Ed, leaning forward and fixing him with a serious look. “Hey, do you want to date me too, instead of just Ling?”

“Uh…” Ed hesitated, debating for a moment whether the personification of greed would respond well to being denied something he wanted. Then again, Ling wouldn't have had him ask Ed if he thought the reaction would be dangerous. And he had asked, rather than just demanding. “No, not really. I don't even know you.”

Greed sat back with a shrug. “Oh, okay. Was worth a shot.”

“Really? You're cool with me just dating Ling?” Ed had been expecting at least a bit of an argument.

“Well, yeah.” Greed said. “People have to want to be mine, or else what's the point? Kind of sucks that Ling will have something I don't, but that's just the way it'll have to be. You're still my henchman after all, so it's not like you don't belong to me anyway. Besides,” Greed smiled at Ed, “there's plenty of time between now and the promised day for you to get to know me.”

An hour ago Ed would have taken that statement as mocking at best, and maybe as a downright threat. But now that he knew that Ling was not only okay but on good terms with the deadly sin inhabiting his body, and after having what was by his standards a perfectly friendly conversation with the guy, Ed was willing to see it a bit more charitably. Greed's smile was genuine, nothing taunting or creepy in the expression at all. In fact, if there was any similarity between how Ling and Greed showed their emotions, he might be trying to hide a bit of nervousness.

Ed smiled back at Greed. “Yeah, I guess maybe there is,” he said, then laughed when Greed's mouth dropped open in shock. “It’s getting late. I'm gonna get some sleep. Goodnight Greed and goodnight Ling.”

The last thing Ed heard before sleep claimed him was Greed talking quietly as he threw more wood onto the campfire.

Ed got up to find a soft patch of ground to sleep on, only half listening to Greed stumble over his words as he wished him a goodnight from himself and Ling. Ed felt himself drifting off as soon as he laid down, more tired than he'd realized.

“Wow, I didn't think I'd get that far. I'm totally going to show him I'd be the best boyfriend ev–Ling, do not slap me again, you pissant, I swear to god!”