#anyways thats where i get that from think ive got a handle on that now minus if u come at me with that i’ll come back at u with it too
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rearranging-deck-chairs · 6 months ago
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if 9&10 were "dont wander off", and 11&12 were "the doctor lies", 13s rule #1 is "dont question me"
"have we not had a good time together" shes pointing yaz to the rule that yaz very well knows is there: we can travel if you dont ask me any difficult questions. yaz knows this is the rule - "because you ask too many questions", "this team structure isnt flat" - but she also was the one to invite the doctor into her home so im pretty sure she also knows shes not gonna kicked out that easily. she has some leeway. which she has been using between revolution and flux, which is why the doctor reminds her of the rules
i dont think she'd kick her out though. she wouldnt. i think it's just that the more you break the rule, the more unpleasant she becomes to be around, and eventually youre gonna walk out on your own. she doesnt want you to, she'd rather you stay and dont ask questions. but if youre gonna try to ask questions anyway, i think thats whats gonna happen
and yaz must think so too. because she does back off. because she doesnt want that to happen either. and it does anyway
#dont question me/dont challenge me. questions are the sore spot but the challenge is one she says explicitly once#because you see this in how she is with other people too. dont try her patience. dont act like shes smaller. dont challenge her or Die#based on the giggle - 'i thought i was clever' 'what do i say?! because im always sooo certain' - i dont think 14 is like this#also based on the expressions of affection#hes not that......reactive. to this. specific thing#so i wonder if it runs over to 15#he seems chill. i think? he seems fairly chill. but also i think we've so far only seen him mostly in control of things#faced with the maestro temporarily not entirely in control hes Notably Less Chill#but still bigger picture. hes mostly in control of things right now i think#or uhhhh based on how eager he seems to get out of the role of doctor#hmmmmm#13 didnt want it but like. was stuck with it i think#didnt want it but nobody else was gonna do it. thats why 12 regenerated#15 comes out 14 Literally Quitting#he doesnt want it and hes decided hes not stuck with it. maybe#none of this is true btw im just saying words recreationally#like those 13 moments are super cherrypicked and i havent rewatched in forever so#dont believe me gfkjghgjh#this is based more on how i write them than what ive seen basically#anyway in terms of 14/yaz i think it takes yaz a while to figure out how to deal with 14 Not being like this#bc she got soooo practiced at handling 13. most of which was abt like not tripping this rule too much#she'd keep it up with 14 and he'd just do stuff that like breaks the rule from his side and yaz wouldnt have any idea how to deal with it#he'd show her hes chilled out a bit. about this. over and over and it'd still take her moooooonthssssssss to start relaxing#just muscle memory at this point. doesnt help that shes also like this#i wonder if 14 - in a sort of compelte reversal - wants to be told what to do and how to do and#seeks out situations where someone else knows more than him so he can sit down and say 'teach me'#i think thats what he does. about all the human stuff. hes like teach me. all of it. show me how to do this
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ratatatastic · 3 days ago
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do you write fic on ao3?
unfortunately for everyone involved i do!
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#ask#and if youre wondering about my handle i write on anon so its doesnt particularly matter (shrugs)#and also i think its pretty easy to figure out which fics ive written because i want to makeout mad sloppy style with an em dash#anyways (waves offhandely) it doesnt really matter much because i have like posted an ss on here before so you know#its not like im trying to hide it like eh#but also because of my disposition that would put a tranced rabbit to shame i dont exactly yell it from the hilltops either#the moral of the story is if you ask me what im working on ill yap about it maybe like post an excerpt#and months later youll find something posted on anon and youll be like oh! so they finally posted it!#so to spare you all (lies on my tummy like we're at a sleepover and giggles) you wanna hear what im working on#haha of course you do youre a prisoner in my yap box#and i want an excuse to talk about it hidden in the tags so people skim over it and not read it <3#SO the earliest wip is from like early october about a magical realism au because i rewatched lwa as i usually do and well theres this one#ep about a magical animal if you will... and you can kinda guess what it is from that lol its sashaforsyekky#because the dreaded @/tungpin infected me with the brainworms about this trio specifically#and it really is ekky going 🥺 at whatever sashaforsy have (persumably) got going on woe is him its at 5k rn but uh ive stalled progress#because puppyekky has consumed my every thought which leads me to my second wip that ive been labouring over since the start of october#that also just broke 5k and not even remotely done lol whoops but its puppy ekky in a team environment with a heavy emphasis on the euros#rn there are scenes scrabbled out with sasha (multiple) mikksy luosty lundy and forsy. i know i have an idea for bobby.#and really lets see where the muse takes us i have vague ideas that are mmmhmm but we'll see when we get there!#the third one isnt the most likely to get finished but uh it is sashamaffhew global series stuff because it stemmed from#“it really is funny that sasha is treating the finland trip like he knocked up a girl#and is trying to make her meet his parents so it doesnt feel like a shotgun wedding when he you know marries her to take responsibility“#and i just think a maffhew pov with that thought in mind because of the whole touchy at e11even thing is funny to me like think mundane#slice of life oh i feel like im being wined and dined i hope i dont fuck it up jfc i think im fucking it up oh god this feels romantic#anyways it feels remotely ooc to me and it really was more of like a writing break from the wips stated above so (shrugs)#might not see the light of day but its 2k as of now so i do feel its a shame if i dont /try/ to finish it you know? its just low priority#anyways thats my writing check in and i am a prisoner to my own mind i will go insane haha these wont be published anytime soon#because i am slow and get distracted soooo easily so you know <3
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theygender · 6 months ago
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I've got too many games I want to play and not enough free time 😭 I still need to finish my BG3 playthrough but since Endless Ocean: Luminous came out I've been playing a lot of that instead. Also just got back into Wizard101 last night. Started playing House Flipper again last weekend. Still need to finish BOTW so I can start a TOTK playthrough and finish Pokemon Shield so I can start on Pokemon Violet. I've been fighting off the urge to start up a new Skyrim playthrough for weeks. My brother just told me that Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door is getting ported to the Switch. And now I'm suddenly feeling inspired to replay DAI... And throughout all of this I'm also playing the hell out of DragonVale on my phone. Someone just pay me to play video games all day please
#and before anyone suggests it: no i cant try to get into streaming#the way i play video games is extremely frustrating for other people to watch ahdjsksl#no one is going to give me money for producing a video where i spend two hours checking every barrel in the map while juggling my inventory#and then immediately give up on a puzzle and just sit in silence for 30 minutes while i look up a walkthrough instead#i need a situation that pays me $200 a day just to be autistic at the screen alone in the comfort of my own home#rambling#a few years ago i made it a mission to play all of the dragon age games and dlcs in order and i did not complete it#i got all the way to inquisition before i quit#i had already played it on ps3 but i wanted to replay on my new gaming laptop and unfortunately my computer decided it was too complicated#and also i just wanted to play as an elf again and i was resisting that urge bc i played as an elf the first time and wanted something new#so i didnt connect to my character as much#BUT ive learned a lot about optimizing my games from getting bg3 to run on my computer#so i think i could get it to handle dai now. especially if i upgrade to ssd like ive been wanting#and i just saw a dai post on my dash that made me daydream about possible characters and i was struck with inspiration#when i first played through on ps3 i didnt know anything about da lore. it was my first dragon age game#i was just doing whatever i thought seemed coolest#so i basically modeled my inquisitor after my dnd oc and then just picked a vallaslin i thought was pretty#and then when it came time to pick a specialization i was just like 'i mean my hand has rift magic right? seems obvious enough'#but now i know the LORE. and the dalish really interest me. and i want to make an inquisitor thats their own character#i didnt want to replay another elf mage bc i thought it would be too similar#but at the same time i wanted to re-experience dai (and experience trespasser for the first time) now that i knew more about the dalish#(with mods that fix the annoying bits where your character seems to not know about their own religion of course lol...)#i was thinking about that and i just got hit with some inspiration#instead of 'my dnd character but with a cool tattoo and rift magic and they kinda roll with the inquisitor stuff bc idk whats going on'#what if i made a more intentional character with a much different personality and their own backstory#theyre still the first of their clan but i know what that means now so theyre not really into the herald of andraste stuff#theyre a devotee of falon'din with his vallaslin and fittingly choose necromancy specialization (tho theyre annoyed by all the maker talk)#they can look cool and goth and maybe they even make some different choices about the well of sorrows 👀#i could keep rambling but im running out of tags gah#anyways ive got lots of ideas now and i think the playthrough would be unique enough to be worth it
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medicaltechnician · 11 months ago
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terrible that i fell sleep this morning instead of completing my all nighter. we are now allowed only estential power usage. i’m gonna be up till 5am 😭 also, heater might go out we’ll see
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mikerooksi · 10 months ago
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phighting oc - info + wip art
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will edit once i finished art + if anything new happens to him
i might js make another blog for js my phighting stuff, if ur interested or sumn... yeah. i probably will
made one,, @just-another-phighter
so ive got. some.. uh things. btw lemme know if any of this dont make sense im still sorta new his name is mace guys. guess what his gear is !!!
i feel like hes originally from blackrock - he was supposed to give off that kind've vibe. but i feel like he fled to thieves den. no reason for that.. aha.. (totally not bc shuriken idk wym.) anyways heres his attacks n stuff. idc how goofy i explained them !!! it makes sense to me so ..!
primary attack - close attack w mace (since its primary attack, deals more damage than 2nd because technically hes supposed to be better at this since its his 1st opt) secondary attack - ranged attack, chain extends for him to hit (deals less damage than primary, but still a good amount) phinisher - spins around and throws mace in the air, falls back down as a bigger mace. jumps up onto the handle tip and laughs before jumping down to the ball/spike part and being able to lead it to hit in certain directions. swings about 5 times before the mace turns back into a normal size. (teehee,, deals a lot of damage!!)
ability 1 - smoke bombs that the smoke is the color of what team he is/regular outfit skin color. doesnt deal damage, duh. i cant rlly think of a 'sprint' opt so he has this and whenever he throws them down he js sorta runs off.. so thats his like 'sprinting' thing. ability 2 - hits mace against the ground like one of those cartoons where the person is hitting down a hammer. the ground cracks a little and anyone in said area (area is lit with said color of team/regular skin outfit color as a warning before dealing damage) gets hurt. the crack isnt too big and depending on how close/far you are from where he's hitting it could be a lot of damage or a little. most of the time its an easy attack to dodge, though.
he/they pronouns, trans (i totally like dont make most of my ocs trans bc i am haha.. aha.. hah.)
he carves his horns - sometimes he forgets to so they might look a little phunky some days.
tight bandages to help with wrists. when hes not out phighting he wears some of those like wrist wrap things so his wrists dont move around a lot - sometimes they be hurting because of how he swings around his mace n stuff.
i kinda be shipping him w shuri but technically hes single so like. yeah.
sharp teeth. because i said so.
his personality is sorta all over the place. sometimes hes nice, sometimes hes an asshole. hes learn to let loose a little bc of shuri. he likes hanging out at the cafe sometimes - if hes not though hes either training (somewhere..) or being emo.
k thats it for now
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poppinlovemp4 · 6 days ago
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what are your thoughts on each nct member
im crying there are 22 of you here thats fewer people than nct. who's sending me this. anyway im bored so ill answer... really long obviously there are so many guys
i dont have any thoughts on the wish members ive never streamed idk any of their names and i'll keep it that way bless their hearts. or not idk
jisung: idgaffff his dancing is overhyped and he's charmless to me and i hate deepvoice rappers forever
chenle: probably nicest voice in dream but that's a really low bar. dont really have other thoughts. i've heard he cares a lot about basketball which can either be charming or offputting i dont know enough about him to say
yangyang: thats OOMF top 3 in ncity to me <3 i really did not care about him all when i was first entering weishenville sorry for my anti-kpop rapper bias but he's soooo fun to watch onstage. imo the only one other than ten obviously who's got a good handle on #It. and he has the cutest smile ever probably. and i like him :-)
jaemin: idgaf i literally cannot think of a single thing to say here
haechan: seems like an unsavoury bloke from what i've seen of his scandals and i hate his voice so so so badly like when i first listened to 127 on purpose i had to pause and look up a lyric video to see whose voice i hated so much. good performer though
jeno: least fave nct member and i dont like many of them. disband
renjun: hope he's feeling better these days. no further thoughts
hendery: thats OOMF but kind of less than the rest of wayv sorry.. he's like one of the only idols ever i think is genuinely funny the way he speaks and acts is so 😭 i really dont know how he comes up with any of it. was sincerely baffled when i found out he wasnt wasian
xiaojun: he's all right
mark: ive literally never been impressed by any performance ive seen from him idk WHERE people get the all rounder genius idol thing from it's not showing #ToMe!!! the originator of many fave reaction images though so he's okay in my book
jungwoo: idgaf. wait no back when djj was announced people kept comparing him to xiumin in cbx to justify his place there (as in 2 main vocals / guy who isn't a main vocal) and he is not xiumin he could never dream of having my beautiful sister's charisma uniqueness nerve or talent! other than that idgaf
winwin: saw the news today hope he heals all righttt and it's nothing too serious... as an idol he brings nothing to the table except cuteness and that's not very important to me so i hope his career in cn thrives bless
jaehyun: tbh when nct first debuted i hated him so badly for literally no reason like his face just made me so mad. and look at us now <3 he is my entire 127 tag. i liked his debut so i'll continue following his solo career and he's also funny to me but i can't say that without feeling like jaehyun tote bag tweet
ten: thats OOMF another top 3 member <3 he's EVERYTHINGGGG imo the only nct member who's like absolutely a star & built to be a soloist.. i cannot wait for his second albummm i love his vision he is so so so so insanely talented it boggles the mind. and also so cool... i rarely think idols are cool but he is so cool
doyoung: he's a crazy ass hater with an evil spirit but i kind of fuck with it idk if i had to pick a second fave 127 member it would probably be him he's funny to watch. i streamed from little wave a few times also
kun: thats OOMF every time he's mentioned that he was the one who pushed for a certain song/production choice (new ride being in gmt, the strings at the end of omy) it's been one of my favourite parts of whatever the final product is so i really appreciate that. ten's kinda right about him he's so old but it's really charming to me
yuta: idrgaf. i thought his solo debut was interesting ill be giving his future stuff exactly one stream and perhaps more if the execution improves
taeyong: i think it's so funny how everyone buys the cutesy act he started going hard on immediately after his bullying scandal came out😭 loved his work on baby don't stop & call d. hated his work on everything else. every time his verse on rv's cover of be natural comes on i take a moment to curse him out
johnny: from chicago and yet so deeply charmless he gives this beautiful city a bad name. disband
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fictionfixations · 4 months ago
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LMAO ZEN (doesnt it happen for everyones routes though? i havent done like another story yet tho)
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anyway before i get into talking about jumin (as the route im on rn) i wanted to wonder
yknow how certain things happen but only on someones route?
like zen has the echo girl thing, idk what yoosung has i forgor but i think jaehee had that one project??? that got her interested in like coffee stuff? jumin has the arranged marriage?? and seven has like. well. the hacker stuff.
but it never gets mentioned on someone elses route ? i dont think? i feel like itd be more cooler if it was all happening at once as like little references (but either something they can handle or cant handle outside of the route. just like maybe a vague mention of trouble to interest the player in that route, while still making sense from like a timeline standpoint???)
like. people doing things but its not because youre the one pushing it towards that. i like that more. and im curious how chaotic itd be
anyway
JUMIN. (disclaimer: I dont like him)
WARNING i start venting in this post. theres only one mention of a triggering thing (which is warned before the actual vent part but i dont want to put here to bring the mood down more cause in all honesty im over it. im just kind of projecting.)
i think ive said before how i can understand the liking of possessive partners
but. okay maybe its just that i dont like jumin as much as the others but. this is kinda way too much. or maybe its that i value my own independence a whole lot or maybe its because i really dont like the thing with his cat (and i LIKE cats. so giving me a character who likes cats and making me not like them??? ahgeiudhf)
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like 'dont leave or ill go insane and make your face known everywhere so i can find you again' like the fuck no w h y CAN I LEAVE
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I want to leave i dont care if i get the bad ending get me out of here 😭 (actually i think the bad ending mightve been if we encouraged being compared to like his cat and like. was willing to stay forever.)
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e w NO like CHILL
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maybe. im. being too extreme. and im just too on edge. but like. can you not. i am not your property?? i am not an object??
now LISTEN i understand marking. like like yknow biting and so and so as like a claim over your partner. and now that? thats hot and i like that. but thats ONLY for the bedroom there comes a point where too much of a thing is a bad thing
ALSO we've known each other how many days has it been. eight?? WE've known each other EIGHT days dont be horny bonk
g o o d . this is good.
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STOP. dont talk like you know whats best for a person. like its some thing that'll happen, not a what if.
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AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. now if he was being more weird id say go home but hes. OKAY. ish. now. like hes trying. and anyway getting him to not do it takes time. and also this is a game of romance fantasies where creepy shit gets played off as kinky or something. (not a jab towards mysme its just the kind of thing its trying to do which can result in uncomfortable parts if you take off your rose-tinted glasses of wOAH ROmANCE. its expected since ppl think certain things are hot when in reality its kind of very not that great)
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…CAN I GO HOME???? like BRUH im not gonna accept you just cause you do so and so
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why does this feel like a 'nice guy'. maybe this is my bad because this is making me really want to leave buth gdiuhfuih
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trigger warning. i vent. mention of kermit sewer slide but nothing actual.
ive been pushing the 'stay here to help jumin feel more calm' but. i do also need to prioritize my own well being and my well being is not happy here rn 😭 (on a serious note though while its important to be there for your partner, its NOT a good thing to give everything to make sure your partners okay, because y'all are equals and as you help them stand they need to help you stand too or you'll collapse under all that and it really wont be a good time. im telling you its very draining. and why i promote the idea of get your shit together before you get with someone because there comes a point where you can be too dependent on your partner which isnt good for you or for them [and they can feel hesitant to express their feelings because they dont want to hurt you, or hesitant to do anything too stressful because theyre like that support pillar for them, and they dont want to do anything that causes otherwise because they dont want their partner to get hurt. it can also mean they go along with what the other wants even if they dont really want to because they dont want to hurt them. am i projecting? ithink im projecting. cause like. ive been there. and honestly i think it kind of fucked me up cause there was like a power imbalance in that one was significantly more fragile and vulnerable then the other, which made me feel like i should be going along with it because i didnt want them to be hurt when they didnt have anyone else they could rely on but me. [i tried to get them to make more friends cause relying on a single person is very unhealthy but no dice] but that also meant that they didnt respect my boundaries or respect me when i say no and instead just gave off excuses to make me change my mind or made me feel like i had to do what they wanted or theyd deliberately hurt themself. so.. it was a lot. anyway it really fucked me up cause i felt like i was in the wrong for not going along with it. blah blah blah. we split. i genuinely have no idea if it was true or not but they'd started saying things to make me feel bad and just not a fun time at all. they were probably in a really dark time in their life but im gonna be honest. i dont know in what scenario its okay to go 'im gonna kermit sewer slide if you dont [blah blah blah]'. so yknow. and this is not really the same but it still feels the same in walking all over boundaries and lines and is especially why i do not like this character a bit. yay trauma.])
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i might actually get a bad ending because i. really dont like this.
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buckgettingstruck · 4 months ago
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https://www.tumblr.com/buckgettingstruck/756191320359534592/can-we-talk-about-ryan-using-the-word-hetero-for?source=share
I want to know your thoughts about Ryan using heterosexual male in interviews when talking about the coming out scene. The BTs love using this as Ryan “forcing” 911 or “confirming” that he wants Eddie to remain straight. 🙄 My view on those interviews was how he handled someone close to him coming out and wanting to use that as inspiration for the scene and it had nothing to do with Eddie’s sexuality, the future of the character, and Ryan “confirming” that he doesn't want to play gay.
oh god i didnt even remember that. i agree with you but answer under the cut because i got crazy:
but considering the 7x05 plot for eddie was about him and marisol outside of buck’s coming out stuff then i think what i said before still applies. hes dating a woman in that episode and has only dated women, so hes not really wrong to say it since theyre pushing that plotline 🤷‍♀️
(also i do wanna say dating women doesnt mean hes not queer but that was how he was being portrayed. so far eddie has only dated women. im a queer woman dont even start. btw this disclaimer isnt aimed at you anon 🫶)
also to our knowledge at least ryan is straight so it’d make sense for him to come at the scene from his own experiences of being a straight man who has queer friends. using their experiences is just a technique a lot of actors use. now of course he was given direction in the script and by the director so some of his facial expressions about certain things buck says are… interesting (which ive already expressed my opinions on like literally why did they do all that butni digress) but ULTIMATELY that’s how ryan came at the scene. the main goal was to get across that eddie would always be supportive of buck. ryan was supportive to his friend in his personal life so thats how he approached the scene.
ANYWAY. this horse has been beaten to death and then some at this point but im annoying and need to defend my guy who plays my favorite guy. i do not understand the rhetoric that ryan doesn’t want to play eddie as a queer character. ryan has played a gay character before and ryan has been supportive of buddie for years. like im pretty sure they didnt let him do interviews for a few seasons because he said something about eddie replacing abby in buck’s life and fox didnt want that 😭 he has also said in these interviews where he’s called eddie hetero that if the story were to go the buddie route he’d be down for it. if he wasnt they wouldnt even let the journalists ask the question.
RYAN ALSO SAID. BY THE WAY. THAT THEY WERENT SURE WHO BETWEEN HIM AND OLIVER WOULD GET THE QUEER ARC THIS SEASON. HE SAID THAT IN AN INTERVIEW. WHERE THE JOURNALIST ASKED ABOUT THE EDDIETOMMY STUFF LOU MENTIONED. IF RYAN WASNT OKAY WITH IT THEY WOULDNT ASK.
like ultimately i do think any time ryan has referred to eddie as hetero its just abc telling him to say that in interviews. like he’s a very eloquently spoken guy and in those interviews he’s come off more stilted to me. more rehearsed. but im also not a psychologist so maybe im reading this wrong
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kasaneteto · 9 months ago
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obviously been in my posting era for the past few months & ive been thinking about that and what it means for me so some thoughts on that
posting as much as i have been was sparked by having to end my most recent relationship due to the realization that we were codependent & it was making it hard for us to function effectively. finn was always my guy to ramble at but there would always be times that they didnt have anything to say in response so they would just be like “okay” and i would feel so annoying :( they were never annoyed (well not usually i cant say they were NEVER annoyed by me) but my mind always catastrophizes social interactions that leave me feeling self-conscious to mean “oh they hate you”
anyways. for a while i was kind of worried that my codependency habit has graduated from finn -> posting & while im not sure that ISNT the case… i do think the posting has been good for me. ive been journaling for a couple years now but it doesn’t help me in the same way as posting stuff like this. its harder to process thoughts when im just talking to myself vs writing something out thats meant to be for someone else to read. writing with the intent of it being for someone to see helps me process things so much easier, and that doesn’t really work when im writing it in a place nobody can see it. when i was a kid i would post deviantart journals in the same way. of course back then i was a neglected child who was just looking for validation in any form & where i got it most was the internet.
i think its the fact that ive been doing it ever since i was a kid that made me feel like making posts like these were juvenile in nature and something i should move on from. but since making an effort to be more true to myself & not let embarrassment or the fear of being judged get to me, ive found that i have the strong urge to make posts and that it brings me joy when i do! it really has helped me have a clearer understanding of the way i think/feel. plus tumblr rly does kinda feel like a home website. it helps that it hasn’t changed much and a lot of the userbase i was around in its heyday are still here. it feels like a comfortable place to scream into the void where im not worried about who’s potentially seeing this shit. & thats another thing - it has helped me feel less annoying in general!
im so used to feeling like my presence is inherently bothersome and that any self-assertion is going to make people wish i wasn’t there. this feeling extrnds to posting anywhere. but thats so fucking stupid!!!! if people dont like me or are that annoyed by me they dont have to fuckin look!!!!!! just unfollow me idfc!!!!! i feel good about the level of clarity i have in my life rn and posting long rambling introspective shit like this has been doing wonders in helping me keep myself grounded. so i will continue to do so. i will say though i sometimes wonder who all is reading this shit lmao. watch there be someone out there who’s just obsessed with my ass waiting on baited breath for my next post. if thats the case then get well soon bitch….im probably too unhinged for you to handle 💅
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foxdies · 1 month ago
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What's got your financial situation so shitty?
ill answer this publicly just in case anyone also sees my Cry Posts and wonders why i make them so often:
im disabled and cant work, but the process to get on disability takes for fucking ever. my dad is on ssdi and gets a little over 1200 a month to live off. 700 of that goes to rent, the rest to bills. we don't even have cable tv or anything like that cause we simply cannot afford it. it used to not be so bad when i was 18 and under because the state gave me 500 a month but im 27, its not been like that for a long time now, and they dont give me anything. nothing for foodshare. i'm on a thing called FA but they pay me 180 dollars every two weeks. thats 360 a month which is fucking nothing.
i have a disorder called POTS, its one of my biggest physical problems (along with GERD, RLS, and neuropathic pain in my shoulders, legs, and hips; i think i have sciatica. i think i probably also have IBS or some kind of internal stomach and digestive issue), and its very difficult to treat. afaik there are no surgeries or medication you can really do to treat it. its something that can happen to anyone and usually "triggers" from another illness, in my case i got an ear infection after my dad got an ear infection. i was 16 and then my life completely changed lmao.
you would think having this somewhat rare autoimmune disorder would make it easier to get on disability but nope. for years they would not let me apply online (i dont know why) and we have no vehicle so i couldnt get down to the office to apply. finally this year it let me apply online, but that was in june and i still havent heard anything back. now that they have my info on record it wont be as hard to re-apply but its still going to take a while bc only recently did a specialist who handles POTS move to my area. before the nearest specialist was 3 hours away and im not joking
but anyway. its the cost of living paired with our extremely low income. we get 200 dollars a month for two people for food, so 100 for me and 100 for my dad, which is not enough in the current climate to survive in.
ive contacted food pantries and sought out opportunities that could help both me and my dad but most places require transportation of some sort and we don't have a car. it broke down where fixing it would cost too much so we had no choice but to get rid of it.
so basically what i usually end up needing help with is food. groceries cost so much money and we still dont have enough to eat by the end of the month. the price of groceries has gone up dramatically where the amount of income my dad and i get hasnt gone up at all
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thatbitchsimone · 11 months ago
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re gypsy rose: being center of attention is all she knows. i can't blame her for being attention seeking, because that's her whole damn life. she has always gotten attention from doctors, from people, from news, ever since she was a child. first she was the sick child and now she is the woman who was forced to fake being sick child who killed her mother, she lost the opportunity to normal life and normal behavior long, long ago. i can't blame her for going to the news or talking about herself, how can she know anything else?
thats also a really good point and theres probably at least some truth to that but idk if i agree that shes attention seeking in that way. like i dont personally think she craves fame or whatever i just think shes like… a normal girl i guess. like yeah she got onto social media right away, but tbh she would most likely do that even if she was completely unknown bc most women her age use social media and ofc she would want to participate and post cute instagram photos with her husband and pretty selfies etc bc why not? its what everyone does and shes finally free to take part in normal life.
and the reason shes even doing these press tours is to promote her docuseries which is where she for once gets to speak out fully and tell her story in her own words and be truly heard. she knows her story has been told by others, she knows about The act and the documentaries and how viral her story went while she was away, and now she wants to take her story back and tell it herself which is only fair and id probably do the same if i was her
and yeah she wants to meet taylor swift. well duh what taylor swift fan would not want to meet taylor swift? shes just sharing her dreams. shes always been a dreamer like that, and honestly if she gets the chance to actually meet her fave singer ofc she will take it. anyone would lol.
but anyway, she is used to having the spotlight on her just like u said but i guess rn thats almost a blessing in disguise in a way since that means she kinda knows how to handle it better than most. like id be overwhelmed as fuck in her situation but thats bc ive always been a private normal person who has never been in the public eye but shes sorta.. accustomed to it which is sad bc as we all know she never should have been bc she should never have been in that horrible situation in the first place but at least now that can be an advantage for her during the media hype. shes being smart with it and she wants to use it to help others and be an advocate which i think she will have lots of success in and do lots of good in the future.
i guess what im trying to say is that in my opinion shes not seeking the attention, the attention is already on her and shes just embracing it and making the best of it in order to do something good and to finally have her voice heard for the first time in her life. when u have gone through abuse and have had to keep quiet about it and keep it inside ur whole life ur gonna have that urge to scream it out and let the whole world know whats been done to u and its healing and freeing and empowering to do so when ur finally safe and ready to. she needs to be heard and seen for once and she deserves it bc everyone deserves that. its very human
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sumbreon · 5 months ago
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ive barely been here recently cause ive been consumed with reading again and im currently being haunted by worms (fictional)
yay i remembered how to do a readmore on mobile! you would think that being consumed by a piece of media would make me constantly blog about it but thats not how i work. i have to sit staring off into the distance just processing things
so my pc died! (and now lives again <3) and inbetween figuring that out i managed to entice myself to read again and finally read said the black horse by sanctus-ingenium (their tumblr handle. i would link to buy the book but their kofi shops down atm) and i devoured that fucking book im not okay about félix spent the past week thinking about this book and about félix. this is a book i wish i could have a physical copy of it cause i so badly want to be flicking back through to things that twig in my brain (the entire conceit of this post is those fucking worms making me go wait! fuck!) (im at work so i keep getting distracted so this probably wont be coherent but i need to get the worms out of my head at least a little) but augh... félix...
anyway theres a second book which im now 70%(?) through and the fucking worms... islin and the worms... woke up this morning and was led there half awake thinking about baby françois in the ruad and laughing about his mixture or formal speech and swearing and then that went to thinking about his being trans and he and félix threatening to go back into the woods in clarion wasnt cool with that and had a wait wheres inslin in this scene again? oh yeah he got worms in his arm
worms in his arm...
here we are in book 2 with a little flashback for islin
'You should try that, the worms call to him. Think of how impressed Félix will be'
the worms were already there... wasnt sure when exactly islin acquired his patron. thought it would be around when that flashback takes place maybe, learning blood magic from maxwell which in a way i suppose he learnt of the possibilities of it. already having the patron perhaps? (know its realistically gonna be moth based from the books being moth viper foal so silk worms maybe? [do all moths do worms or caterpillars or is there a specification for moth larvae? ill look that up if i remember later] theres at least one art i need to go stare at and sear into my brain) was islin picked by his patron long before it started asking things like félix? how long have the worms been whispering to him? how often do they speak?? i need to go back through the first book and find all the little thought italics and think on them... what is the price the worms want? the fuck did islin do to that captain??
something else weirds also going on with islins arms other than all the scars i think? i dont remember right now i need to go back and check that paragraph again... im also just fascinated by islin and the way he is for all his blasphemy still religious howd he end up like that? why is he still loyal to that god?
im also haunted by a lesser degree to félix's nun disguise does he keep choosing the nun disguise because islin called him beautiful dressed like a nun? okay he said it was becoming but thought beautiful. félix is this why you went with the nun disguise again???
if you read that jumble hiii i love you! :] i will continue to think about worms... read these books!
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unlimitedtrees · 1 year ago
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thinkin about 'Evil Mode' from 'Among the Others' , my last rom hack
so, after beating sylvie lime yesterday ,it got me thinkin about silly precision platformers and kaizo stuff ... U see , despite me being a Sonic CD-loving freak , i do like to play trial and error crazy platformers , such as N++ and celeste some other games im too lazy to think about right now . i just. like a fun and silly challenge sometimes. However , as i established in me last post , i am a Picky Bitch when it comes to platformers and i tend to prefer the controls and movement of the classic sonic games compared to every other platformer out there . i just Love the unique movement and interactions u have with environment in stuff like Sonic CD ... its something that no other game feels like and is something ive always wanted to see be experimented with in something like a kaizo sort of game .. but it hasnt really been done much before aside from a kaizo sonic rom hack that i thought handled the level design Very Poorly ..
there is also a rom hack named Sonic VR which i Really Really like ... but im probably gonna save that for its own post , teehee !!
Anyways. along with Sonic VR being a Huge Inspiration for me , and also seeing all those crazy kaizo mario hacks over the years , its something i wanted to try making myself for a Long, Long time . and well ... i finally got the chance in 2018, with my rom hack named 'Among the Others'.
so. Among the Others was a rom hack of Sonic 1 that i made. there is a Lot of history behind it that i wont get into for this post , but basically it was supposed to be my final, ambitious rom hack that eventually got cancelled and then i put a wall of text at the very end complaining about the rom hacking community. i then released it to the sonic hacking contest and then left the community .. but a few months before the contest begun, i still had a bunch of free time and the main game was already complete, so i decided to just add a bunch of random extra stuff just because .. and in the end there ended up being a Lot More content for a game that Was Technically unfinished...
one of the thing i added into the game was the secret 'Evil Mode' , something which not many people have played and is what im gonna get into in this post ... click da Read More thingy if u Dare !!!
So , in the level select (which u can just access by using the normal Sonic 1 level select code) , there are 3 evil mode levels in the game. these are basically extra levels based off the normal levels in the game, except these are completely redesigned to be Very Difficult and Evil. i wanted to make a sort of kaizo like thing ,where u have to get past all sorts of Deranged challenges that take advantage of the unique controls and movement of this game (which, btw, in case u dont know, this game has special abilities unique to it that make the movement Very Crazy , Lol !!).
There Is One Big Problem However... and it has to deal with the limitations of Making A Sonic ROM Hack When You Are Just A Dumb Little Creature Who Does Not Understand Assembly Programming.
You See, designing kaizo levels for a sonic rom hack is way more difficult than you may think. there comes a lot of Limitations to making sonic rom hacks that, combined with my limited skill, made making these levels very Annoying and Difficult to Create.
First Off, the game can only handle so many objects on screen. Which, well, i Suppose is fine. after all, im sure that's the case with mario world rom hacks. But In The Case Of A Sonic ROM Hack ... Well . Not only are you limited by having few sprites on screen, but you Also are limited by how many Types of objects can be in a level. You See.. all of the artwork for the objects are loaded in by 'pattern load cues'. each zone in the game has their own table which lists all the artwork thats loaded in ,including the level art and all the art for all the objects . not only was i limited by how Much art could be loaded in a single zone .. but Also i was limited by My Ability To Program. i could Not understand how the pattern load cues worked At All. getting objects from One Zone to work in Another Zone was Nearly Impossible for me ... idont know how to describe this fully. Basically , Most of the time , i could Not bring over another object from another zone Unless it used the same amount of tiles as an object from the current zone .. if that makes sense. idont know. All I Know Is ... I Was Greatly Limited by What objects i could use , and that's on Top of worrying about having too many objects on screen .
But That's Not The End Of It. you also have to worry about objects just. Disappearing in the game. sometimes , an object will just Not Load In and i have No Idea Why. i dont understand how any of it works .. all i know is that i was Unable to fully rely on building the level out of objects ,as id constantly have to worry if an important object would Unload , making progressing in the levels difficult.
because of all this , i was Severely Limited by how i could design the levels and what hazards i could even make . i couldnt even have too many spikes anywhere like a kaizo mario level ... it was very Limiting . and thats not even getting into the Level Chunks . you see, the levels themselves are also built out of Chunks of 128x128 pixels ,which have all the level art and collision. but i was also limited by How Many Chunks a zone could have , and these zones already were using the chunks from the normal levels which already used most of the chunks .... so i couldnt design much unique areas for these levels ...
despite it all , i tried my best to make levels that would be an interesting challenge ... and u know what. i am Kind Of proud of what i managed to accomplish , especially considering all the limitations i had to deal with. there's Definitely a ton of stuff i wish i couldve done with these levels, and theres stuff i probably couldve done better ,but Damn. playing through these dickish levels is kind of fun sometimes. Lol. i tried my best to make these levels use the physics and unique abilities to their fullest potential ... i just wish i coulda done More with em.
something i am pretty proud of that i think No One has done is playing the evil levels in Encore Mode. you see, in the game there is a secret encore mode that can be accessed by entering '81, 82, 80, 80' in the sound test ... and aside from letting you play as Pepsiman it also gives every level entirely different object layouts, along with new palettes and music. The Evil Mode levels in particular were fun to make Even More Evil , with The Core Zone specifically being made to be Actually Deranged , with its palette being Pitch Black and the evil mode level being Longer than the original one . and ,while i was also a bit limited with making these encore versions as i could only edit the object layouts , they were still fun to make and i am pretty proud of Encore Mode as a whole .
anyways. if you want something insane to go through, try the Evil Mode in Among the Others if you wish. you can download the game and its source code on github, if you wish.
anywayz thats all. there is so much about Among the Others ive ought to talk about .,,,, so much about this game that people dont even know about . maybe someday i can share more about it with you all ....
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lunarain0918 · 1 year ago
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Falling hard for people you've never met
Specifically made this account for my over thinking lol. Okay so 3 years I met two amazing people. To say that they changed my life is kinda an understatement, which does sound stupid. So first lets start with boy 1. boy 1 and boy 2 where bestfriends. I dont rallly remember how they met its whatevs. so me and boy 1 got really close and we texted eachother for about a year every single day. I mean there was not one second we werent talking. I never really got close to boy 2 which i knew he had some weird atraction towards me. I was also really young and naive and would let every remark that they said towards me slide. Like bro i was so blinded at it, when i first turned 19 i forgot about them somehwhat. i would still think about them from time to time. But when i first got to college i made the smartest decision to delete both of them days after they contacted me first. Now a couplde months later, i get a notification that boy 2 added me. my dumbass added him back then i think we talked for like 1 day and went back to no contact. After i turned 20 i noticed him starting to watch all my socials all the time and i wanted to text him to catch up but it was NOT worth it, so i didnt. Couple months later, i am back in college and i made the stupid decision to add boy 1 on social, which again was stupid but i did. This was like the day before spring break and me and my friend decided to be stupid that night and like stalk literally everyone and their baby mommas swear. We honestly could be like secret spys or something my god. Anyways the day of springbreak i unadded him because he didnt accept it. BLAH BLAH BLAh. anyways again one night with me and said friend i decided to text boy 2 and of course they are bestfriends so he texted boy 1 so he added me back. Also sorry if i sound incompetent in some sentences i am very gone. Anyways me and boy 2 text eveyday ish, then it started getting slower and slower and i remember getting mad at myself because i am letting this happen AGAIN sam situation different friend. Let me also explain me and boy 1 relationship was so confusing towards me because we didnt act like friends but less than a relationship typa deal. There are so many things i just now learned, three years later about boy 2 and it scared me and i told myself not to do the same shit again but i did lmao, no surprise and i hate myself for that. I tried excusing their behavor at certain time towards me, but there is only a certain limit your body can handle. It was weird that my body knew what was going to happen before i actually knew until that moment. In life your always going to meet people, and you really dont know if they are considered a lesson to teach you something, ot if they are going to be in your life completely. Which sucks because im impatiant and i always end up getting hurt. I finally started standing up for myself and not scared to speak up for myself. Thats new for me, people cant walk all over me anymore and ive never felt so alone. Let me expalin that. When you start actually saying something and people finally realize that youll sya something back is when they leave. They no longer have that power over you and they know that. I feel alone not lonely, better to not deal with people actions and not allow yourself to feel like that again. I devoted 3 years of my life towards them and im never allowing myself to be in an relationship or friendship, or whatever the fuck that was that constitely leaves me confused after every conversation. Im a new adult and i never want to go through that again, but once again i ahve a whole life ahead of me that its really inevetable, which sucks but character developemtn i guess. I do want to say that for both of them this is an apology for not meeting yall later on and not when i was so young. I think thats what kinda ruined in but i cant change anything about that. I dont regret that we met im actually glad i expirienced that with the both of them, but i think its time to move on. I say that but i know if they both texted me right now i would respond in an instant.
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iconic--trash · 2 years ago
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i can't sleep so im gonna gush about the warehouse i work at bc im also working on not masking anymore and letting myself just gush about things i love and god do i think warehouses are cool. not as cool as the assembly line i used to work at, but the management at that place was super corrupt
(im dyslexic and my autocorrect is off, forgive any typos bc i just dont care to fix them)
anyway. my warehouse is a Direct to Consumer (D2C) warehouse. we do a whole lot of stuff and i have experience in most of the departments by now. essentially if someone orders from our store (huge major retailer) there is a high likelyhood the package will be from the warehouse i work at.
we receive tons of merchandise from the ppl who make it, as well as customer returns both from the physical stores and returns mailed in by the customer. ive worked in both returns departments and boy do i got stories of nasty stuff people thought was okay to mail in to us.
and of course we send out packages to customers. my least favorite department so far was Pack, its so competitive over there as far as production numbers. the way packaging customer orders worked over there was like this: many rows of conveyer belts that orders would come down on. on either side of the belts were our stations, a desk in front of you and a shelf of boxes behind you. then under the first conveyer belt is another one going the other way that you put packages on. that one would take the packages over to Shipping, ive never worked over ther cause im kindof a little guy and heavy lifting not so much for me.
the competitive part of Pack is that people who take the stations further up the belt where the orders come from get first pick. my store sells both clothes and larger home goods that are stored in our Home department. the Home goods take longer to pack while clothes are pretty quick. so people at the head of the line would always cherry-pick the quick orders while shy people like me at the very end always got stuck with huge comforter sets and stuff like that. i never had good numbers over there lol. but ive only ever worked in Pack during our holiday season rush when we have tons of seasonal workers, so it may not be so competitive in the off-season.
another of our departments is called Active, i think because thats where most active merchandise is. mostly just clothes bundled in plastic but ive seen more toys and random stuff this season since toys r us closed. we have three floors in this dept. over here we put product away as well take product out, called Picking. which is what i normally do this season. a Picker takes a big metal cart and a few of these big boxes we call totes, they're like hard plastic with cutout handles and no top. using a scanner, that right now just looks like a cell phone with a good case, we walk through the isles of merchandise and pick stuff from cardboard boxes on shelves. when the tote is full enough we'll end it on the scanner and put it on a conveyer belt. the totes arent like, one customer order per tote, more like a random assortment of things that need shipped that day.
the people who decide what gets picked and in what order are Wave Planners over in Wave. i have no idea what they do except that its complicated and the rest of us depend on them for our work.
we have a few other departments where merch is stored too. in the center of our building is Beauty, where all the makeup, perfume, and idk beauty related items are. they have their own shelves and their own packing stations and a sorting area where orders are put together. its pretty neat. ive helped out in Beauty a couple times, with sorting, called MSL, and with Picking. ive heard certain parts of it stink of mixed perfume from damaged products.
another place is Case Reserve where basically stuff is put for longer than in Active. the shelves there go directly to ceiling, all three stories worth of space, so those are some tall shelves. they use big warehouse vehicles to get to high up merchandise when needed. i dont what the vehicles are called except MHE. i was almost trained to drive them once but i got covid and had to stop working before they could. now im glad though because i definitely did not realize what i would have been getting into lol.
a similar place is Home. like mentioned before, thats where our home goods are. ive never worked in Home directly but the gift wrap stations for Pack are back there and i used to do some gift wrapping sometimes. they have a big sorting area over and additional packing stations there too that ive helped out in. i don't much else about it other than that.
upstairs is Prep, they get stuff from Receiving and prepare it for getting put away on shelves, on the conveyers the boxes go, over to my department to get put away. they tried to train me in Prep once during the pandemic when there was nothing to do, but i was so confused lol. i have maybe a fourth of a day of experience in Prep cause they needed help in Beauty more.
the first department i worked in at this warehouse was ICQA, Inventory Control and Quality Assessment. basically trying to make sure that things are where theyre supposed to be and assessing what items are actually in a location vs what the computer thinks is there. icqa does a whole lot more than i can really describe here and a lot of it is complicated. icqa basically has sub-departments. my experience with icqa is walking around Active with a scanner and counting the items in whichever location the scanner tells me next. this called a Second Count or Seconds. its when the systems see an inconsistency in what a person said is there vs what is supposed to be there, and i go check to see what the truth is, so accuracy is the most important aspect of working in icqa.
There's other departments. as well as offices upstairs that ive never even seen. but those are the ones i have most experience in.
the whole place fascinates me. its intriguing knowing how every single department is working with each other, its one big flow. but also so super complicated. i love walking through the warehouse and just gazing up at conveyer belts that are two stories above my head. watching totes zip along complicated conveyer lines. the Active department has no walls separating it from Wave so i get to see it from the second floor, sometimes even the third floor, and its just so cool. we seriously have so many conveyer belts just all over the places going in and out of walls, going up and down at steep angles, taking all sorts of things all over the place.
the warehouse i work at supposedly has 2 million square feet of walkable surface and i believe it when im walking around at work. ive heard that people who do my usual job, Picking, can walk up to ten miles in a day just working.
i guess im done gushing lol. sorry for the long post, i just really like my line of work :D if anyone happens to read this and has any kind of warehouse questions please feel free to ask
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gayspock · 2 years ago
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hmmm
obvioously ive got no idea whats about to happen. but sorry. im on tom zareks side in so much of this. kind of rolling my eyes a bit at the show itself in some senses. bc again. idk what happens. sigh. but its obvious that zareks being pitched, by the show, as someone to be "against" - not to be so reductive about it, but yeah.
bc frankly like... everything hes saying? no offence. i completely fucking agree with. am i being insane. am i. someone else soundboard me here. bc, like please- a terrorist, sure, they keep overstating that but... also one from saggitaron, an extremely exploited colony, and thats what he was fighting for in the first place
and not to mention that everything he's advocated for, thus far... i agree with. the prisoners being used, like slaves- dont "its a hard choice, but one we have to make" me, bc its still wrong to have to fucking earn your freedom, jesus christ. even if, yes, humanity is on the god damn line.
AND we never see the actual civillians in the damn show-and thats sth thats actually frustrated me, thus far. but hes ALSO right about them. is now maybe the best time for total change? arguable. but like- also sorry but im onboard with dismantling whatever fucking system is in-place, if that system is presumabaly analogous to our own. hes right. i mean im kind of fuckin confused, bc again theyre not showing us much- but theres no money?? and some people are still living "as wealthy" whilst some are still labouring? sorry??? but yeah- fuckin yeah that needs to be addressed
like it would ANYWAY. the inequality would ANYWAY ofc. but like if theyre seriously having to build a new livelihood here then fuckin... GOD i dont know i dont think its mad or irrational to be pushing for that
AND no matter the results... whilst i do kind of yield, and recognise in a time of crisis a strong leader is kind of important, and shes made good decisions, its STILL not crazy to want fucking elections. i dont know. call me crazy lol im in the uk and we havent had the chance to choose a damn leader for a hot second. but like laura wasnt... anywhere near qualified to be the president. she wasnt elected by anyone, for anything, and calling for a damn vote isnt some extremist madness.
and i guess you can say this is all naive- that hes only advocating for this, to be in power himself- but... so is laura? like shes holding onto her position so she can do what she thinks is right; so she can exercise power. fucking SHRUG. whats the damn difference there? and shes the one with the upperhand right now. and dont get me wrong- i like laura and the decisions shes made genereally speaking but again... a) not crazy to want an elected leader and b) not crazy to question how shes handling civilian side of things bc we barely see that at all
and i think thats where i am eyerolling HARD at this show bc again idk. i EXPECTED this. but again. being reductive, but also its hard not to be because like- zareks being depicted as the antagonistic force here, and laura as the rational one, as one of our protags and its like... i dont MIND a difference of opinion playing out in front of me, you know, nor do i need my own political inclinations to align wholly with a show BUT... my point is its kinda exhausting the way they do kind of act like what zarek is saying is crazy and the show itself isnt challenging laura herself on THESE issues in particular when its justified. like they do with other hard decisions shes made but with some of this really not so much
and another thing was like similarly... they narratively justified it, by having that guy get apprehended as an assassin in the end, but also like... lee was making me suck my teeth this episode and groan. like seriously. stepping in and strongarming civillians in full on cop mode. i dont fucking like it dude. like when those two ppl were having a disagreement, and he sided against one guy despite the fact they had exhibited the same level of aggression with each other, bc that guy aligned with his own beliefs, and then exercised his power to threaten the other guy- yeah sorry again to be that guy but like... be for realll lee. and again i wouldnt be MAD that hed do that, in terms of a character decision, but again its like- obviously its in framing, yeah?
and this whole thing yes- WELL IT IS ALL VERY SILLY OF ME TO GET TOO IRRITATED, I MEAN PLEASE. THEYRE THE FUCKING MILITARY. THE ENTIRE MAIN CAST IS THE MILITARY. im not going into this expecting my own opinions to always be resonant here - and i wouldnt wiht any show. thats as equally braindead to expect that. but nonetheless man. its still one of those things im gonna bitch and moan about when it grates me in a particularly annoying way LOL bc like again. shru
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