#anyways tbh i think she told everyone to wait x amount of time so it woildnt be AS scruitinizes

[idsb]

What’s crazy is Ashley didn’t unfollow after the original dinner with Taylor; I wanna say it’s something to do with that girl but I don’t want to give her the clout she’s chasing…

wait the girl who posted the pics of Joe on a scooter??????? Related to the article abt him shading her by riding one???? Bestie pls be serious 😭😭😭😭

[mego42]

OK but!!! Come over here and randomly sink the 8 ball???? Can we talk about this???? Does rio not understand how the game of pool works??? Was he just hanging out playing against himself prior to this??? Is it a metaphor??? Is 8 the only number he knows???? THOUGHTS????

the fact that we open the scene with a center shot of beth, all bambi-eyes and openly???? letting him see???? her vulnerable????????

the fact that she still sees him as a lifeline and turns to him for help in spite of him being demonstrably useless literally every time she’s asked

the fact that he’s open to it and asks what she needs

aaaaaand then shuts her down when she says it’s for dean

but also is still giving her some p solid, if, you know, a touch sociopathic advice

and then the fact that said advice more or less amounts to please let your ~technical husband rot in jail crime wife

and yes, the fact that he is, apparently just hanging out! in his own bar! after hours! alone! playing pool with himself!

which sounds like it should be a euphemism tbh but no! it is entirely literal!

everyone involved in this show is a lunatic including all of us!

i love it!

literally wtf are you doing rio

i would like to point out he is losing to himself which is fucking hysterical

and also extremely apt, tbh

he climbs up the pool cue when he stands. why. to what purpose.

he told her to be smart before he murdered her co-worker and beth’s like, not even phased at all by that reference

i am teLlinG y’alL murder is their foreplay, the hitman thing’s gonna be fine

if anything he’s gonna be hurt she outsourced it

which, valid!!!!!!

why are his fingers so long why why WHY

every time he lines up and takes a shot i make this sort of garbled hairpin in a vacuum cleaner noise

i didn’t ask to be like this

and when he sees that the please let him rot please please please pitch is not helping beth’s stress level he pivots and like, actually tries to be comforting????????

but is also incredibly bad at it

remember when beth was like my husband took my children and rio was like that sucks, here’s an open tab byyyyyyeeeeee

he is not the best shoulder, is what i’m saying

and yet!! she keeps going to him anyway!!!!

he’s like SIVER LINING MAYBE YOU’LL WANT TO FUCK YOUR HUSBAND AGAIN AND BETH JUST STEAMROLLS RIGHT PAST THAT

it like doesn’t even register

fuck that guy? don’t be absurd crime husband

also like

who exactly might want to hit what again hmmmmmmm HMMMMMMMMMMM

i am just saying it feels like there are some layErs here

he is so satisfied when she points out nothing sticks to him i want to slap him i want to slap myself i want to slap everyone

i gOt lucK oN my siDe / mayBe yoU do tOo

smells like foreshadowing in here

also jumping back the way his smile s o f t e n s when he says maybe you do too

the urge to slap remains strong but now with a side of leave mE here tO diE

(bringing back @pynkhues​ tag meanderings bc it lives in my head now, is this rio’s way of saying he can protect her class please discuss)

and now we arrive at sink the eight ball

i know it’s ridiculous i know but i can’t help it they’re standing there with a the pool cue and the pool table and it’s all weird tangled intimacy that’s about to flip over into intense sexual tension and i am not coping well with this at all

i’m not okay

THE WAY HE PULLS THE CUE AWAY

AND THE WAY SHE’S LIKE THIS MOTHERFUCKER I STG

let beth boland unhinge her jaw and devour the world 2k21 she deserves it

idk what to tell you beth you like it

like let’s pause for a sec and examine the situation shall we? this ep provides some really interesting contrast between beth’s extremely different relationships with the men in her life.

1. we have dean who is, i would argue, shown throughout the ep to be a complete albatross of guilt and long expired, turned toxic gratitude dangling from a rapidly fraying thread called parenting. he’s furious with beth to the point of not wanting to see her while in prison, choosing to stay in prison to avoid coping with how thoroughly their house of cards is tumbling down and the reality of who beth is and who they are to each other that collapse is exposing. 2. we have fitzpatrick who repeatedly tramples her boundaries in a tunnel vision pursuit of the person he thinks she is and his fantasy of the relationship he could have with this person who doesn’t actually exist and we’ve seen how uncomfortable it makes beth to the point that she finally blows up at him, reasserting who she is and it, idk if i would say scares him, but it definitely turns him off. 3. and then we have rio who she is locked in a nightmare game of cat and mouse with, who she has convinced herself is the source of all of her problems and yet when push comes to shove is still the person that she turns to for guidance and support, who she has no objection to sharing physical space with (i hear rumors the pool scene reads wildly divide and yeah i can see how but i am firmly camp they are both experiencing some stupidly complicated emotional upheaval and that’s what that face is, y’all take it how you will), who is also the only person this ep to witness the single, genuine, uncomplicatedly happy glimpse of one elizabeth boland née marks (who can’t help but grin in response to her joy and honestly who wouldn’t she is so gd cUte before he rips the rug out from underneath her)

i got worked up and forgot where i was going with this

something about contrast

but also the like, comfort and familiarity and ease even when Extremely Annoyed

idk i just think it’s neat

let’s see what else happens

oh right they play """"""""""pool"""""""""""

wait no, we’re not there yet

first rio’s gotta do that big-eyed disney princess look he shoots beth’s way from time to time, 209 being the notable example that comes to mind

h E Lp

so now we’re at sinking the eight ball

yeah, no, he does not know how pool works

i’d say it’s embarrassing but what isn’t with them

SPEAKING OF EMBARRASSING

or maybe i mean inexplicable

i tried to be v hardcore on not letting myself speculate about the pool scene and how it would come to be so sexy bc speculation has only ever led to either disappointment or me getting really, really over the top competitive about it to the point where it isn’t even fun for me anymore (which is saying something) but i couldn’t help spinning out potential scenarios bc like why???? how????? the man is draped over her like a blanket and smELliNg heR haiR surely that doesn’t just happen??????

WHAT A FOOL I WAS

LITERALLY FOR NO REASON AT ALL RIO’S LIKE FUCK YOUR PERSONAL SPACE CRIME WIFE IT’S OUR PERSONAL SPACE

AND BETH’S JUST LIKE YEAH SURE CRIME HUSBAND THIS IS FINE AND NORMAL I HAVE NO FURTHER COMMENTARY

LIKE?????????????????????????????????????????

h An dS

hAn D S

H a nD s

anD theN hE smelLs heR hAir like a fuckiN lunAtic

i just

TO WHAT PURPOSE

SCIENCE P L E A S E E X P L A I N

i know we all like to argue until the cows come home over what specific flavor of sloppy the show is and then we argue with the cows but like

this didn’t happen out of nowhere

they’re setting something up

(they fuckin’)

(do not argue with me or my cows)

thE shoUldeR roLl

no thoughts just that

AND THEN SHE MAKES IT

(and everything b o u n c e s)

AND SHE’S SO CUTE????? MY WIFE???????? I LOVE HER????????????

no but literally when was the last time beth was that happy

it’s so pure

and it makes him lauGh toO

s Of t

and then rio’s like no but seriously fuck your husband let him rot in jail and beth’s facce falls and my heart breaks and everyone remembers everything is terrible bc they are absolutely inFURIATING nigHTMARE PEOPLE who caNNOT USE THEIR WORDs

what was the actual question here i don’t even remember

oh right why the eight ball

probs bc it color coordinated with both his and beth’s outfits bc he is A Heaux Like That

[shotgun--rider]

Love Your Neighbor - One

A Dean x Reader Series

PART ONE

Y/N just wants her neighbor to find some sense of decency and shut the hell up. Her so-called brilliant plan gets messy, though, when it turns out that Dean Winchester is actually kind of perfect, and maybe taking her friends’ advice wasn’t the best move after all.

Word Count: 2900

Warnings: Allusions to sex, Dean Winchester is a fanboy

Dean Winchester isn’t a bad guy. As far as you can tell, actually, he seems to be a perfectly normal, average, unassuming guy. You’ve shared a few elevators and gotten your mail at the same time, waved politely on your way to take out the trash, and your beater car lives next door to his pristine ‘67 Impala in the underground parking ramp. Considering that the neighbors in your last apartment almost blew up the building making meth, living next to a harmless, pie-eating contractor sounded like heaven when you signed the lease. 

There’s just one little problem. And, strictly speaking, it’s none of your business if Dean Winchester also likes banging everything with legs in a twenty mile radius. More power to him, really. It’s just that the walls are cripplingly thin in this building, and while you’re happy your neighbor has a thriving sex life, you’d rather not be forced to listen to it every single night. 

Laying flat out on your bed, clad in the least amount of clothing you can pull off while still being decent, you grit your teeth. It’s a scorching night in July and the A/C in your unit has given up the ghost, leaving you to sprawl out sweating, hoping in vain for a cool breeze from the fire escape. And somehow, in spite of the fact that moving two feet has you wanting to pant like a dog with heat stroke, Dean Winchester has found the motivation to work up a whole other kind of sweat on the other side of your wall. Loudly. 

The apartment you’re renting is a pretty cheap one, and you knew what you’d signed up for when you signed the lease. It works for your purposes, and it’s not like you have loads of spare cash lying around anyway. The issue with the tiny one-bedroom is that it only accommodates your stuff in one possible layout, and yes, that does in fact mean that your bed is directly on the wall you share with Dean. In fact, you’re pretty sure your apartments are mirror images of one another, which is only an issue when he’s railing Lisa two feet from your head and banging the headboard on your shared wall. 

‘Lisa’ has been around for almost a month now, which as far as you’re aware is a new record for Dean, and she moans like a porn star that’s trying too hard. It can’t possibly be natural, you’ve decided, because sure, sex is good, but nobody in real life is having sex that’s that good. And sure, you’ll concede that Dean is an incredibly attractive guy, from what you’ve seen of him, but you’ve learned the hard way many times that that doesn’t automatically make them good in bed. Which means Lisa is just being obnoxiously dramatic. 

You thump your head in frustration against your pillow, contemplating pulling it over your ears as a new round of moaning starts up. God, how does anyone have sex for that long, anyway? 

“Yes, Dean, harder...right there… oh, fuck, yeah, yes, yes, yes!” She subsides into unintelligible screaming, punctuated with the occasional lower-pitched groan and the shuffle-shuffle-bang of the bed frame against the wall. 

“Oh my god, yeah, I’m gonna come, please make me come,” 

Cursing under your breath, you sit up, adjusting the spaghetti straps of your tank top as they try to slide down your shoulder. “Nobody says that shit,” you grumble aloud, shuffling in defeat off of your bed and out to sit on the fire escape. 

It’s not any cooler out here, and you can still vaguely hear Dean and Lisa getting it on, but at least your bed is no longer vibrating. Leaning forward on the iron railing, you pull out your phone and send a vomiting emoji to your best friend. There’s no context needed; she’s heard you complain enough times to know exactly what’s usually happening between the hours of ten p.m. and midnight in your building. 

Kinda impressed with this dude tbh, Meg replies back instantly. I wish I got off that much. 

You answer her with an eye roll. The point is I don’t want to hear it

Just tell him to shut the fuck up. Or kill him. You know like a bazillion ways

Once, when you’d only been living there for a handful of weeks, you’d thrown a shoe at the wall between you in a fit of ill-handled rage. You’d followed that up with taking off your other shoe and repeatedly thumping the wall with the heel, just in case they thought the original noise had been an accident. 

The resulting blissful silence had only lasted for about a minute, after which it was followed by a bout of laughter, and then more enthusiastic sex. No, Dean Winchester was evidently not the type of person to back down after being told to shut the fuck up, and you’d never quite managed to get the courage to just attack him about his sex life in front of the downstairs mailboxes. 

That doesn’t mean, however, that you haven’t been thinking up subtler ways to deal with the issue.  And now, because living on the fire escape until October doesn't actually sound like a pleasant experience, you might just have the perfect excuse. 

The ‘67 Chevy that lives in the parking space next to yours gets periodically replaced with a slightly rusty old pickup, the words Winchester Contracting emblazoned on the doors. And it’s not like you haven’t seen Dean sporting paint-stained jeans and a bag of tools before. He’s clearly the obvious, convenient choice to ask about the A/C. And if you happen to interrupt his bang-fest while complaining about the heat, well, that’s just two birds with one stone. 

You don’t bother with shoes for the short walk down the thinly-carpeted hall, only realizing once you’re standing in front of his door that you’re not really dressed for this. That could only work in your favor, though, right? Maybe a barely-clothed girl showing up would send Lisa into a jealous rage and she would leave on the spot, rendering Dean mercifully single and silent. And maybe you just need to solve this so you can get some god damned sleep, you thought wryly.

Before you can change your mind, you knock sharply on the door of apartment 914, rocking back on your heels as you wait, straining your ears for any noise from within. For a moment, there’s silence, and then a tell-tale, high pitched squeal. Nope, they’re definitely still shamelessly boinking, as your old roommate Donna would have announced cheerfully. 

At this point, it’s just getting a little ridiculous. Clenching your jaw in anger, you raise your fist to pound on the door again, harder this time. You have a book deadline in two weeks, no A/C, and you just want some fucking peace and quiet. Clearly, the universe has just chosen to laugh at you instead. 

Resisting the urge to hiss aloud in irritation, you pound on the door once more, this time hearing soft voices from inside. There’s shuffling, a muffled yelp, some slightly uneven footsteps, and then the door swings open to reveal Dean Winchester, irritated, half dressed, and making no attempt to hide what he’s been up to. 

“What?” he snaps out, all green eyes and sex hair and bare chest, which somehow manages to short-circuit your very angry brain, leaving you stuttering in his doorway. Seriously, though, knowing you have an attractive neighbor and seeing him in nothing but a pair of sweats are two different things.

“Uh,” you mentally shake yourself. You didn’t come here to drool over him, you’re here to solve a problem. “Listen, I’m really sorry to bother you,” you start. You’re not really all that sorry, but you need the time to try to organize your thoughts. 

“Oh, are you?” Dean returns grumpily, crossing his arms over his chest and Jesus but that’s a lot of tanned skin and biceps right in front of your face. 

“Yeah,” you falter, “I just was wondering if you could maybe help me?” You were laying it on a bit thick now, but who could really blame you? “The A/C quit on me and I know you have that construction business…”

“Dean? Who is it?” That would be Lisa, evidently, coming to the doorway in a bathrobe and, unsurprisingly, looking stunningly beautiful. She blinks at you over his shoulder, pushing dark hair out of her face and giving you an uncertain smile as she looks over your tank top and skimpy sleep shorts.  

“Oh I’m sorry,” you somehow manage to keep the sarcasm out of your voice. “I didn’t mean to interrupt anything,”

“You’re not,” Dean says, and, behind him, Lisa raises affronted eyebrows. Maybe there is trouble in paradise. Filing that information away for later, you shift on your feet, pushing some of your still-slightly-sweaty hair off of your forehead. Dean seems to jolt at the motion, glancing back into his apartment and opening the door wider. “Right, yeah,” he runs a hand through his hair, doing nothing to quiet the wild spikes. “You said A/C? Lemme just…” 

Dean disappears behind the half open door, one bare foot still holding it in place, and you can hear him moving something around, saying something in a low voice to Lisa, who audibly huffs back like she’s annoyed. When the rest of his body reappears, he’s got a black Metallica shirt most of the way on (a shame, really), and he’s carrying a slim black canvas bag of tools. 

“--probably not gonna take long,” he’s saying to Lisa over his shoulder, and it occurs to you suddenly that this plan requires you to bring Dean inside your apartment. Which makes sense, obviously, given that you actually do need the air conditioning fixed, and as long as he’s doing that he’s not banging his girlfriend, but you’re kind of awkward at the best of times and this is probably going to require conversation. Picture everyone naked, Donna would say, but somehow, having seen him shirtless really, really doesn’t help. 

Resigned to your fate, you shuffle back to your own apartment with Dean following, and you wince at the blast of hot air greeting you as soon as you swing open the door. Compared to the hallway, it’s like stepping into a particularly miserable sauna, and Dean huffs a surprised noise behind you. “Damn, you weren’t kidding, were you?”

You show him over to the sad little A/C unit wordlessly, hopping up on your kitchen table and crossing your arms as you watch him squint at it. “Thank you,” falls from your lips belatedly, and you have to remember that for all your irritation with him, Dean Winchester is still, fundamentally, the kind of man who apparently lets his neighbors interrupt sex so he can fix their broken appliances in the middle of the night. “I know it’s really late…”

“S’fine,” Dean shrugs, neatly pulling off the cover to the air conditioning and going after something inside with a tool you couldn’t have named if your life depended on it. “This way you won’t have to sleep on the fire escape.” He smiles at you over his shoulder, those green eyes bright, and your retort about sleeping on the fire escape anyway because of him gets lost somewhere in transit. Not for the first time, you wonder if this is really the brightest idea you’ve had. 

“Still,” you say instead, “you probably don’t want to come home from work and do more work,”

“It’s really not a big deal, Y/N,” Dean glances back at you. “It’s Y/N, right?”

“Yeah,” you confirm with a little shake of your head. “What’d you do, read my mail?”

“No,” Dean says quickly, followed by a slightly sheepish, “Maybe. Look, the mailroom’s tiny,”

He’s not wrong, and since you initially collected his name from the moans through your bedroom wall, you’re not sure you’re in a position to talk. When you look back at him, Dean’s wearing a slightly hesitant, definitely-not-adorable look on his face, and you laugh softly, watching him break out into a relieved smile in return. And damn it, he wasn’t supposed to be funny. It’s far easier to vilify someone who’s only kindness has been holding the elevator doors a few times, because plenty of colossal douchebags still have surface-level manners. 

But now your A/C is humming contentedly, working overtime to compensate for its lapse, and you have your loud-ass neighbor to thank for it. Your funny, smiling, half-dressed-at-midnight neighbor who’s currently giving you a great view of his ass in sweatpants as he bends over to grab his tools. Fuck. 

“Thank you,” you get out when your brain gets back online, and you hope it was a brief enough lapse that he didn’t notice. “I might actually make my deadline now that I’m not dying,”

Dean raises an eyebrow at you, shifting to lean back on the wall. “Deadline for what?”

“I’m a writer,” you explain, shaking your head ruefully. “Which is why I live in a crackerbox apartment with shitty air in the first place,”

Dean’s green eyes perk up in interest, and that was hardly the reaction you were expecting. “Oh yeah? What d’you write?”

You uncross your arms and slide off the kitchen table, crossing the living room to pull a black-and-red hardcover out of your hanging bookshelf. “Murder books,” you deadpan, watching for a reaction as you flash him the cover, featuring a man’s limp hand lying in a pool of blood. There’s kind of a small part of you that’s hoping you’ll scare him out of your apartment, because now you’re not really sure how to get rid of him. 

Surprising you as usual, Dean’s mouth drops open shamelessly instead. He gapes at you like a very handsome fish for a few moments before his tongue darts out to wet his lip and then he’s tripping over himself, talking almost too rapidly for you to follow. “No freakin’ way! I didn’t...I mean, you’re Y/F/I L/N. You never have a picture on the jacket--” Dean trails off, a flush rising in his cheeks as he collects himself, only serving to make the freckles dashed across his face more obvious. It’s kind of, maybe, just a little bit cute. “I’ve read them all,” he blurts out, stuck somewhere between shy and kind of proud. “They’re...this is awesome,”

You can’t help but laugh a little, surprised but pleased with the reaction. Your books do fairly well, garnering a moderate amount of attention and the occasional creepy fan message, but Dean’s enthusiasm is...pure. He’s standing in your living room with wide eyes and an embarrassed blush creeping its way down under the collar of his t-shirt, and damn it you were supposed to be mad at him. 

“I’ll sign copies for you as a thank you for the A/C,” comes out of your traitorous mouth instead. “If you want,” 

Dean lights up like a little kid at Christmas, warmth spreading in your chest at his reaction. “That would be awesome. I mean, yeah. Yes, please. Thanks,” He says roughly. Dean swings the compact tool bag awkwardly, rocking back on his heels for a moment, and then he looks hastily back at your little air conditioner. “Well, that’s done, so…”

“Right,” you return quickly, suddenly painfully aware that it’s past midnight as you turn in the direction of the door. “I really do appreciate it, Dean. Bring me whatever you want me to sign sometime, okay?”

He’s still got that terribly endearing, vaguely-stunned expression on his face when you lock the door behind him. 

The air’s had a chance to start working while you were talking with Dean, and you end up spread like a starfish on your bed after he leaves, reveling in the cooling air and the blessed silence. It’s the best sleep you’ve had in months. 

Of course, because the universe and everything in it hates you with a mad passion, the reprieve only lasts two days. You’re sitting cross legged on your floor, scowling at your laptop and your misbehaving chapter, still cringing at the latest biting deadline reminder from your agent, when a soft whimper catches your attention. 

For a moment, you’re prepared to dismiss it, hoping for the first and only time in your life that your apartment has rats. Kinky rats. “Fuck yeah, oh my god, want your cock so bad!”

You flop on your back on the floor helplessly, pressing the heels of your palms into your eyes like that’s somehow going to make a difference. There’s a large part of you that just wants to shout through the wall that nobody in real life says shit like that when they’re having sex, but it probably wouldn’t do any good. “You have got to be kidding me,” you whisper aloud. 

Then again, you weren’t sure what you were expecting. Getting Dean to fix your air conditioning hadn’t actually involved addressing his stupidly loud sexcapades. Because, of course, the thought of bringing that up to him made you want to crawl in a hole and die of embarrassment. 

Defeated, you grabbed for your phone and pulled up your text conversation with Meg.

I need your help. 

[thethoughtsfromthreeam]

Sunshine

Pairing: Maxwell Lord x OC (Evelyn “Evie” Blaker)

Warnings: None

A/N: I’m not really sure where this story came from (and tbh, not sure how it’s going to end!), but I had the desire to write a Maxwell Lord fic.  I don’t know if I’ll follow the same posting pattern as I have with others simply because I have less written before posting the first chapter.  Anyway.  Enjoy!

Reminder:  I ain’t ever seen Pedro Pascal in FUCK ALL, I’m just coming up with this as I go along, using imdb.com, wiki, and 84,000 tabs I got open to plan out this shit.  I also write soft versions of his characters so if you’re craving asshole vibes, I ain’t got any but my own to offer.

Tags:  @zeldasayer , @romanticgumchewer, @beskars​ , @coolmaybelateruniverse , @the-feckless-wonder, @lavenderl3mons , @pascalisthepunkest , @mandoandyodito​ , @randomness501 , @fioccodineveautunnale  

Part 1 

Start with the Appetizer

Sunshine.

She was the human embodiment of sunshine, he thought.  Her laughter, her smile, her personality, the way she looked – it was like sunshine washing over him.  He could not be exactly sure when he realized that he lacked that kind of warmth in his world, but once she shined on him, he craved it. The need to be in her presence consumed him and for a moment in time, he thought he could cage the sun.  But like Icarus, he learned that to treat the sun as a folly would burn him.  To pay it reverence meant to live in harmony.  Once that lesson is learned, life can continue.

She was his sun and he was certain that he would worship at her altar for eternity.

---***---

Evelyn Blaker stood in the doorway to Donovan Bercholder’s office, watching the large man scramble around in a panic-induced pattern.  As she stood waiting for his blustery nature to die down, she leaned back to slightly to keep an eye on the conference room down the hall.  Chimetech representatives were already in the room, waiting for them.  She had noted a tall, blond man walking with them and something in her stomach began to tap its toes.

“Where are the damn reports I asked for, Evie?”  The man’s naturally loud voice seemed twice as loud as usual and she knew it carried down the hall.  The tapping got worse as she racked her brain to remember who was coming.  Clark Gibson oversaw their medical division, but he was a short man, with coke-bottle glasses that made him look owlish, nor was he blond.

“Donovan, will you keep it down?  The Chimtech folks just arrived.  And the reports are in the conference room where I had Helen put them half an hour ago.”  Donovon stopped to look at her.  In the year he had been at Bercholder Medics, he had come to know Evie as a sprightly and jovial person and he often called her a little ball of sunshine.  He had never met a person so warm and welcoming and nice and being the new guy in town?  That went a long way to helping him gain the trust of his very wary workforce.

But the tone she threw at him was hard and her face was stony.  Nearly five-hundred people would lose their jobs if this plan failed and she wasn’t going to lose her work family because Grant Bercholder had been a thieving bastard.  She had put in too many late nights for the last year trying to save this company for Donovan’s hysterics to suddenly derail everything.  On a large markerboard in her office, she had written a quotation from Knute Rockne when this whole Hail Mary pass idea began,

Build up your weaknesses until they become your strong points.

“You’re right, I’m sorry.  Let’s go.”   He took a deep breath and gave her a smile.  Evie heaved a sigh of relief and smiled back.  The gauntlet was about to open.

---***---

Maxwell Lord stood at the window of the conference room, looking out at a view of the Hudson River and beyond it the rise of the Catskills Mountains’ foothills. He had to admit it was a beautiful view and he marginally forgave Clark for dragging him out of the city for this meeting rather than having Bercholder’s people come to him as everyone else did.  Everything he had read about the company told him they weren’t worth doing business with, but Clark somehow convinced him to take the chance.

As he continued to look out of the window, he realized it was quieter than it had been moments ago, and he could hear the small talk within the room. A loud voice had been shouting something about reports and he smirked at the panicked tone in said voice.  A man who couldn’t control his emotions had little chance of controlling a company.  Maxwell suspected that this meeting would be short, and he could get back to the city in a reasonable amount of time.  He turned from his perch when he heard two sets of footprints enter the room.

A large burly man – who looked more at home in an Adirondack lumber camp than in a boardroom - and a shorter woman walked into the room.  Maxwell assumed the man was Donovan, but he had no idea who the woman was.  He sized up his counterpart as Donovan walked up with a hand extended in greeting.  Maxwell took the hand and was not surprised to feel strength behind the handshake.  He noted the woman was introducing herself to his people and stopped to chat longer with Clark than the others.

“Maxwell, welcome!  You’ve had a chance to meet everyone here, I hope?”  Donovan’s naturally bombastic, yet cheery nature, was evident in his voice and Maxwell noted that the panic that had been there before was now gone. Intriguing.

“All but the woman that came in with you.”  Came the reply

“Evie!  Come say hello to Maxwell Lord.”  Evie looked away from her conversation with Clark and nodded as she stepped over. The tapping her stomach got worse when she realized that the blond she had seen was the one man who could derail this whole thing.  She tamped it down as she, too, extended her hand to him.  “Maxwell, this is Evelyn Blaker, our head of accounting.  She’s been working with your Clark to broker this deal.”

He was surprised – all the reports he had read recently had been signed off by an E. Blaker.  He didn’t realize E stood for Evelyn rather than an Eric or Edward.  He silently berated himself for his lack of attention to detail on this whole project and he frowned slightly.  This isn’t how he did business and sure as hell not how he became a success.

“Mr. Lord?  It’s great to meet you and Mr. Gibson in person.”  Her face broken into her characteristic grin and Maxwell felt bowled over suddenly.  As they shook hands, fissures of pleasure rippled across his skin, a strange warmth seeping into parts of himself that he thought closed to the outside world.  He held her hand longer than necessary before she pulled away.  He felt struck dumb, but thankfully, no one seemed to notice as Evie gestured to everyone to take their seats.

As he sat, he noted she was a few seats over, giving him a perfect chance to observe without her noticing.  He didn’t understand why he felt changed by her presence and why others didn’t seem to be changed either.  She was pretty enough, he supposed.  Nothing like the socialites he sometimes dated or the models he carried on his arm at events.  And yet here he was, unable to take his eyes off her.

She had blonde hair, too, but hers had a coppery hue that almost seemed like a reflection of firelight.  He could tell it was long given how big her chignon bun at the base of her neck was and he noted how elegant that neck was, her skin almost glowing in the late afternoon sun as it streamed into the room.  She was shorter than him and he noted her slender fingers as she took notes, causing Maxwell to wonder how those hands would feel on his chest or maybe his cock. He shifted slightly at the thought, attempting to maintain the hard, professional aura he always carried.

Donovan’s voice droned in the background and then Clark’s.  He barely paid attention to what they were saying when suddenly, Evie stood up.  He was startled, to say the least, when she took the projector remote and brought up a series of charts.  He was lost when she began to speak with her honeyed voice.

“Gentlemen, as you look at the projections on the wall you will note that our finances have been less than stellar for most of the last six years. However, since Donovan’s arrival this cash flow bleed has all but stopped.  As you can see on this next slide. . .”  Evie felt the best offence was a good defense, so by getting the bad out of the way, she was able to move towards a rosier projection that would better sell the company.

She walked around the room, explaining charts and projections with ease and she smiled to herself thinking she could give this whole talk dead.  No one knew these numbers like her, and she could see subtle changes in Clark’s face as well as a few others as she moved from the worse of it.  Occasionally Donovan broke in to clarify something or to answer a question, but this was all on her, giving Chimtech everything they needed to say yes to this deal. This pass was going to work, dammit.

As Evie talked and walked, Maxwell continued to study her.  She carried herself with confidence that he admired and noted that her walk contained a little hop that he could help but enjoy, especially when he realized it caused her breasts to bounce subtly.  He decided her golden-brown eyes were her most attractive feature as he found them to be expressive and engaging.  And in a strange bit of sentimentality, he thought the color reminded him of dappled sunlight in September.  Suddenly, he realized she had stopped next to him as Clark asked another question.

She leaned over Maxwell’s chair to point out something in the projections book that they had in front of them and then pointed to its counterpart on the screen.  His heart stuttered a bit and then took off when he got a whiff of her shampoo, something soft and warm.  The urge to bury his nose into her neck and breathe deeply nearly overwhelmed him and it took his infamous willpower to tamp down the urge.

What in the hell was going on with him?

“Any questions?”  Evie stood back and rested her hand on the back of Maxwell’s chair.  She smiled at the group with Donovan beaming back at her. She wanted this to work as much as he did, but Chimtech was notorious for being persnickety with their vendors. She watched as Clark nodded to Maxwell and she glanced down at the man sitting next to her.  He looked serious and she noted he didn’t seem to pay attention to anything either her or Donovan said.  She began to feel nervous that they just prostrated themselves in front of this man for nothing.

“Let’s get a contract written up and signed by the end of next week.” Maxwell flashed a dazzling smile to the group, but he refused to look up at Evie, fearing he couldn’t contain his facial expressions under her warm gaze.  As it was, he could feel her heating up with excitement behind him and he craved to feel that again, but just for him.

“Maxwell, I am pleased to hear this!  I’ll have my lawyer work with yours on the language of the contract and as soon as its signed, we can go into production.”  Donovan got up from his chair and walked over to the man, shaking his hand.  “Our lead point on this is Evie, so Chimtech will be working with her directly.”

“Sounds great.”

Sounds great indeed, he thought.

---***---

As Evie stepped out her car, she still wasn’t quite sure if she wanted to be at this get-together or not.  The last year had been rough, the last month had been rougher, and last couple of weeks had been hell.  The work she had done to help save Bercholder Medics was starting to catch up with her and she wanted a quiet evening to herself and maybe a week to catch up on much needed sleep.

As she spent most of last week in the city working with Chimtech’s lawyer and Clark on the final contract, she hardly slept.  It was as if she was waiting for Maxwell Lord to swoop into the room and take away everything that she had fought for.  He had shown up a few times, but never said anything and left before long.  She wasn’t sure what to make of the man, but every time he came in, she found herself strangely drawn to him.

She felt something similar during the presentation meeting, too.  She found his initial demeanor to be harsh and a little cold, almost as if he were detached from the whole thing.  And yet, the times he sat in on the meetings for the contract, the aura he gave off was different.  She wondered if had been because they were on his turf and he was more relaxed. Regardless, he invaded her thoughts and she seemed relieved when the contract was signed, and she was back in Poughkeepsie.

As she walked into the Bercholder house, she realized that Donovan needed to celebrate this win and more importantly, her coworkers needed to have some happiness in their lives after such a rough time at it.  Earlier in the day a large party had been held at the factory for all the workers and everyone was sent home with pay for an early weekend.  Now all the department heads and a few extra guests were treated to a nice evening at Donovan’s home at the foot of the Catskill Mountains.

“Evie!” The voices calling her name sounded cheery and excited and she could feel their joy seeping into her, giving her the energy boost she needed.  She found herself slowing passing through the Bercholder house, hugging people and shaking hands, all grateful thank yous that came from her peers, who wanted to express their gratitude for her role in keeping the company open.  Soon, though she was ready to be alone, despite how pleasant everyone was being.

She finally wandered out into Donovan’s garden, a large sprawling greenspace that was inviting with fragrant blooms waving in the breeze.  Towards the back of the yard was a bower with a swinging bench that had a perfect view of the mountains and at this time of day, the spectacular sunset.  She sat down on the bench with a glass of wine that had been pressed into her hands and just relaxed, letting the late summer evening weave its magic around her.

She stayed in place long after dusk overtook the sky and she was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn’t hear the footsteps coming up behind her. When the person spoke, she jumped a mile, letting out a little shriek and dropped the glass on the ground.  She spun around with a hand on her chest.

“Oh my god, you scared me Maxwell!”  Her voice came out breathy and rushed, her heart beating wildly in her chest. He bowed his head and extended his hands towards her.

“I’m sorry Evie, I thought you heard me call your name as I walked out.” He had been watching her from the house, as mesmerized by her beauty as he had been when they first met.  When he realized she was here; he ignored all attempts at conversation so he could step outside and join her.

“No, I didn’t.”  She shook her head and now that she was calming down, she started to laugh as she bent down to pick up the wine glass that thankfully had not shattered. She set it up right and off to the side before turning towards him. She was surprised to see him here, thinking he wouldn’t have come so far for such a small celebration.  And yet here he was, and she was grateful for the coming twilight – it hid the growing blush on her cheeks.

“May I?”  He gestured to the open space next to her and she smiled at him and scooted over, patting the cushioned seat.  When he sat down, she almost felt dwarfed by him.  She didn’t think she was particularly short at five foot six inches, but for some reason the six inches Maxwell had over her seemed extra pronounced up close.

“Would you like more wine to replace what you lost?”

“No, I wasn’t even drinking it.  Someone handed it to me, and I didn’t have the heart to say no.”  

“Not a wine drinker?”

“Not a drinker at all.”  He nodded and for a moment they lapsed into silence.  It was quite comfortable between the two of them, given how little they knew of each other.  Maxwell moved his legs slightly and the swing began to sway.  They sat enjoying the quiet night, occasionally broken by noises from the party, but both were lost in thought about the other.

“Thank you for the portfolios, our staff thought it was a wonderful gesture.” Evie’s voice was soft but carried easily in the quiet and Maxwell nodded.  The boxes came only a few days after that first meeting, so the company took it as a sign that the company-saving move was secured.  Donovan burst into Evie’s office and pulled her into a giant hug before waltzing her around the room.  She laughed as he left and the thrill that what she had done worked shivered up her spine.

When she opened her box, she found that she too had received a portfolio, but hers was a deep plum – her favorite color – whereas all the rest a classic blue to match the Bercholder logo.  She ran her fingers across the gold embossing of her name before opening it up.  She had received a note like everyone else, but unlike the form letter found in other portfolios, hers was handwritten by Maxwell himself.  As she read the spiky handwriting, she was grateful she was alone in her office.

“You’re welcome.”  His voice was equally soft, and it struck her that in the handful of times that she had talked with Maxwell that soft wasn’t a word that she would have described him. And yet. . .

“Did you mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“Don’t play stupid Maxwell, you know what I’m asking about.”  He smiled and she could see his teeth gleam in the dark.  She thought that maybe she should be scared to see such a smile from a man known to be so ruthless, but it didn’t seem dangerous to her.

“I did.  I want to take you to dinner.”

“Why me?”

“I don’t know, but I do know that I want to see more of you.”  She smiled softly.  She never felt like the kind of woman who would be so attractive to a man that he had to see her.  So, she couldn’t help but preen internally at his comment.  She was quiet for a beat before she spoke again.

“If I do agree to a date of some sort, you must promise me that regardless of what happens, Chimtech keeps Bercholder as a vendor.”

“Of course.”  She placed her hand on his shoulder and turned him towards her.  He was struck that even in the darkness she seemed to shine like the sun, as if her hair stole the light from the stars.  The look on her face was serious and for a moment he paused.  She took his hand into her own and squeezed, hard.

“I mean it Maxwell; you promise me that you won’t let whatever is going on ruin this for Bercholder.  People are relying upon this contract to keep their jobs and I will not do a damn thing to hurt them.”  Her soft voice was now hard, with a harsh undertone that surprised him.  She didn’t seem to glow anymore, instead it was as if she had been eclipsed and something cold left in her place.  He was taken aback by the sudden change.

“Evie, I promise.  Bercholder is Clark’s responsibility, I never had a hand in anything but approving the contract.”  She relaxed and nodded but to his surprise, didn’t let go of his hand.  The hardness left her and the golden aura he had come to crave from her returned.  The moment had passed, and the silence returned, surprisingly as comfortable as before.

Evie would never admit to anyone but herself, but she wanted to accept his proposition the day she got the letter.  She had thought of him often over the last few weeks, with each meeting dragging her further and further into thoughts she shouldn’t be having about the man.  She recognized at the very onset of all this that Maxwell Lord was a powerful man and he oozed that every time they had meet, but she sensed something else was there and whatever it was, it drew her in like a moth to a flame.  When he kept hold of her hand longer than was usual, she felt herself breakout in goosebumps.

During the presentation, she could feel his eyes on her, and she pointedly avoided looking at him in the eyes.  But when she leaned over his chair, she had to grip the seat’s back to keep her hands to herself.  Up close, she could see his golden locks and wondered if they felt like silk since they certainly looked it.  Her palms itched to touch him, and she was confused as to why she was feeling this way about him. Yes, he was handsome, but never had she yearned so much for a single touch as she did in that moment.

When Donovan put her in charge of the contract, she was lost.  Every time he sat in on a meeting, she could feel herself grow warm under his eyes and she willed herself to ignore him lest she get caught up in his gaze.  On the second to last day, he smiled at her and she felt her thighs clench with want. She was never anything but professional around him, but within the confines of her home, too many nights ended with his name on her lips as she came by her own hand.

---***---

She wasn’t sure how long they sat on the swing, holding hands and enjoying the night, but the sudden increase in party sounds caused her to look over her shoulder.  She saw Donovan coming her way and she squeezed Maxwell’s hand once more before removing hers from their embrace.  She almost felt sad to break the connection, but there was no need for Donovan to see the two of them be so chummy.

“Hello you two!  I’d ask if you were enjoying the view, but it’s dark as hell out here and you probably can’t see shit.”  It was a surprise to people that he was the CEO of a mid-size company.  He looked the opposite of Maxwell and yet both carried that same indominable energy of a leader comfortable in their position.  Bercholder’s staff was happy to have him in charge and that’s all that mattered to him.

 “I enjoyed it earlier, Don.  The sunsets are always spectacular here!”  Evie smiled at him.  “And I was just so comfortable I decided to just stay and enjoy the evening.  Maxwell came to say hello and I think the Catskills are wrapping him under their spell.”

Donovan laughed and Maxwell smiled.  All three knew the man was city born, city raise, and it would be a cold day in hell before he’d leave it all for a small place like Stone Ridge.  As it was, Donovan was surprised Maxwell had accepted the invitation to the party, but he was pleased and hoped this was a sign their recently agreed upon contract was safe.

After chatting a little longer, Donovan went back into the house to continue playing host.  The evening quieted down after the boisterous man left and the faint sounds of crickets filled the air again.  When it seemed like they’d no longer be interrupted, Maxwell reached out and grabbed Evie’s hand, resting it on his thigh.  He lightly brushed his thumb over her knuckles, moving to the back of her hand when she didn’t pull away from him.

If Maxwell knew Evie touched herself while thinking about him, he probably would have been pleased and more than a little smug.  But the reoccurring dreams that he had been having about her didn’t give him much leverage.  He woke up many mornings to a cold and empty bed that seemed all the harsher given how warm and light his dreams had been.  He had thought throwing himself into his work would render this little crush meaningless until she arrived for contract negotiations.

It seemed the dreams were worse after those meetings and when he woke in the morning, he was hard as hell.  It didn’t matter if he jerked himself off, his hands never seemed to live up to the softness of her lips and cunt that he experienced in his dreams. He couldn’t ever get over the sensations he experienced while asleep and Maxwell wondered if maybe his brain got addled at some point and that he was imagining that such warmth could exist from a single person.

But as he brushed his thumb over her hand, he could feel it creeping into his chest and spreading to his limbs.  He itched to touch her everywhere, to kiss her, to fuck her, anything to crawl inside of her and stay there.  He didn’t know what it was about her that had him so obsessed, but he was. Maxwell was known for his will power, but he found it slipping away from him whenever he was around her and suddenly, he raised her hand to his lips and gently kiss the palm.

Evie drew in a sharp breath at the sensation, a mix of surprise and arousal. She turned her head and looked at him, only to find him looking back at her.  It was almost as if he was waiting for her to say something, do something. So, she curled her fingers around his chin and squeezed lightly.  They continued to look at each other as he pressed a kiss to her wrist and then a string of them up her arm until he reached her shoulder.

He scooted over until he was pressed against her and leaned down to kiss the juncture between her shoulder and neck.  Her breath hitched and a small moan sounded in her throat, the sparks of pleasure beginning to spread across her body.  He smiled against her skin and continued to kiss up her neck while rubbing her knuckles with his fingers.  When Maxwell reached just under her ear, Evie turned to him and even in the dark, he could see her eyes blazing with lust.  Reaching up with her other hand, she rested her fingertips on his jaw and leaned in to lightly kiss him.

In that moment, the infamous Lord willpower that made or broke companies was abandoned, and he surged forward to meet her lips.  He dragged his tongue along her lower lip, encouraging her to open and submit to him. When she did, he groaned at the sensation of her heat. As they deepened the kiss, he dropped her hand and brought both of his to her waist, pulling her onto his lap. He could feel the soft yield of her breasts against his chest and then her hands as they snaked up his back.

Evie could feel his erection growing against her thigh and she sighed against his lips, wanting to feel that hardness elsewhere.  His hands rubbed circles on her hips and the sparks that began with that kiss on her throat seemed to cover her skin.  It took everything in her to not throw her leg over his and to straddle his lap to feel friction where she needed it the most.  

She broke off the kiss first, leaning her forehead against him, their noses lightly brushing against each other.  Their breaths were heavy, and their eyes were darkened by their mutual desire.  But they both realized they couldn’t very well keep making out in Donovan’s garden like a couple of horny teenagers trying to hide from their parents.  He spoke first.

“Thursday night, in the city.  Dinner with me at seven.  I’ll send my car to pick you up from the train station.”  The roughness of Maxwell’s voice caused a shiver to run down Evie’s spine, but she nodded, not even bothering to push back against his demanding tone.  “I’ll text you with the information that morning.”

He lightly kissed her again before pulling away and sliding Evie back onto the bench.  But he kept her flushed against him, as if he wasn’t ready for reality to intrude in on the moment.  Evie laid her hand on his thigh and her head on his shoulder, marveling at how comfortable she felt around him.  He placed his arm around her shoulder, and he began to rock the swing again.  They sat there for a long time before they knew they had to leave.  As Evie stood up, Maxwell grabbed her hand and looked at her.

“Thursday.”

“Thursday.”

[incorrectquotes-randomthoughts]

(This is so long I’m sorry but I had to rant cause honestly I’m scared )

I literally made a post the other day about how we have to welcome in new fans and treat them equally but truth be told? I’M. NOT. FUCKING. READY

Bitch bitch bitch I mean I’mma have to stand this kids hardcore shipping Luke x Annabeth ???? Or Luke x Thalia ???? SIS they’re SIBLINGS wth Annabeth realized it later on it changed there was an arc.

Like this fandom closed the discussion on Luke’s redemption arc and the way he is and his motives we agree we have opinions but we’re FINE. Are you telling me ma boy is gonna be played by some hot teen (he is older) and 12 y/o’s are gonna be biased and I’m gonna have to yell at them across a screen cause they’re gonna act like Luke is a saint !!!!??

THE SHIPS. FUCKFUCKFUCK. BoTL Percy spent worried about Nico and if it’s done properly we’re gonna have all that worry face first and no one’s gonna be able to ignore it like the AMOUNT OF PEOPLE who are gonna say that’s OTP. I mean SHIT.

I haven’t even been in the [internet] fandom for that long like how I’m I supposed to go against this people who were here before me I mean they LEFT but what arguments do I have !?!?

The amount of people who only read pjo and went BYE like I can’t bring HOO up in discussions wdym????? How I’m I supposed to talk development and change and character arcs and what would they do in certain situations if you’ve never heard of them ????

I’M NOT READY

Y’all wanna know something terrifying? The maze runner fandom. Because there’s so little creators out there who actually love it the way I do and so much of it is obsessed with Thomas Brodie-Sangster and Newt I haven’t been there since I finished the books I couldn’t stand it. And I can’t stand the fact that our Percy actor is gonna be good-looking and I’m TERRIFIED of the amount of people who are gonna be here for what the actors look like you can’t understand this.

I MEAN all them debates are coming back up I can’t do this. This is such a fantastic fandom (and I’m in many, trust me) like we’re all at peace there’s no arguments you can literally come by and just vibe.

OH FUCK ANOTHER THOUGHT. So since we’re getting official characters and stuff I swear if ONE IDIOT hates on viria’s or Livibis’ or Markiehh’s art (they’re the one’s at the top of my head) because it’s “inaccurate” or “far off” from what they look on screen they better watch the fuck out because they have no idea the fandom they’re messing with.

OH AND SHIT I know this has been brought up but the way we treat Nico??? All baby and soft and all that and how our fanon Nico is just so different from the actual canon kick-ass Nico, ya know? But we kinda understand how powerful Nico is but we still love him cause poor kid was 10 and then all of it happened and he was 13/14 (?) during tlo and the PTSD so we’re chill with that BUT. There’s the fact that our son is gay and god the amount of people who are gonna come in (cause there’s obviously gonna be foreshadowing) and be like “ooh gay baby look at him” that’s badly explained but I know you guys understand. And specially if we get to HoO and the horrors getting to ToA would be. Like we already have our fanon Nico but if someone DARES to even IMPLY that Nico can’t kill you with a thought the entire fandom know better and will prove them wrong. But the new fans what would they know.

You know what’s going to be fucking horrible ???? PARENTS. I mean UGHHHHHH. My parents only know I’m reading what I tell them I’m reading (“a book about Greek mythology”). Like I’m terrified of my mom picking up The Burning Maze sitting on my desk or any Cassandra Clare book cause the homophobia in this household is astronomical. (Don’t know how many of you will understand but the PANIC I went through reading the red scrolls of magic? God knows she would check every book I get form the library from the on) Back to the point sorry. But y’all pjo is mostly safe but Rick already talks about how parents complain about adding a Genderfluid character to a Norse mythology book (I mean Ma’am go educate yourself) and how his books “would be more successful without [gay] characters” ???? What if we get Kane Chronicles some asshole is gonna come up about Sadie being polyamorous, Alex and Magnus are gonna be a problem, Will and Nico, House of Hades is gonna make Karens riot because of one scene.

You can see how Disney treats Seblos (hsmtmts) compared to the other couples on the show. You can see how not even half of Andi Mack is actually on Disney+ (after getting brutally canceled) you can see how Diary of a Future President hasn’t been renewed when it’s reviews are 100% for both critics and public. How the Love, Simon series was removed (now on Hulu) because it wasn’t a good mix with “the family-friendly content on Disney+” (underage drinking + s*x are brought up in discussions but the show isn’t out yet and we have no idea). So pardon me for being scared of how this is going to be treated.

Back to the new fans. I’m gonna say the topic that’s the most brought up that causes discussions is Leo (?) Tbh I’m still lost on the Leo x Echo thing that everyone else seems to understand. Plus the hate on Caleo is probably the biggest issue in this fandom. (Which is like saying the biggest problem in a perfectly written essay are some barely noticeable erase-marks, but still). Anyways a fair amount of people dislike Leo for reasons I kinda comprehend. I know a kid and he’s the exact definition of Leo, (I’ll probably talk about this in an individual post) and people don’t like him, I know most of you would avoid him. I know he’s great but people just don’t seem to like him.

(wOw i’M sO gOOd aT sTaYInG oN tOpiC)

I don’t think I’m gonna be able to survive hate on characters that probably WILL come.

Solangelo is called rushed a lot and I would want to see this two fall for each other and Nico let down his walls and talk about his PTSD from Tartarus (which friendly reminder Percy saw for a few minutes the way Nico saw it the whole time and it was the worst part of his entire experience there). But I mean there WERE six months between BoO and ToA, I am pretty sad we didn’t get to see them.

oH JESUS follow-up on Nico earlier; the fetishization, or Apollo, or Will.

Ok... ha, this is fun....

OH WAIT NEW THOUGHT SJDJDJD On the topic of Luke’s redemption arc... BIANCA,, they better do my girl properly who thought she had stayed months at the Lotus Hotel babysitting her lil’ brother and then was put into a school where they were outcasts and she probably knows as much as Nico about mythomagic from his rants and she thought he was gonna be safe and she wanted freedom and be her own person so she joined the hunters. And as a fandom we’ve talked this out but what about the new fans, they better not try to act like she did anything wrong cause that’s just not-

OH AND no one better hate on Clarisse cause yeah she’s the minor antagonist but she’s a very well-written character who doesn’t change the way she is but is kinda less of an ass towards Percy. And she and Silena are good friends and she and Chris are dating and she is a human being with valid feelings. She was terrified for Chris in BoTL and cared for him and nurse him back to sanity and stayed with him. She throws Percy and Annabeth into the lake which so it’s prove she and Percy are more in the friendly banter I-won’t-admit-how-much-I-care-for-you-if-it-meant-my-life relationship. Then this doesn’t happpen until the last two books (seasons?) so we can’t actually go around saying it? In SoM we learn about how Ares treats her which is SO important so I guess S1 comes out and we sit here telling new fans “You’ll know next season” cause we can’t directly spoil it and then we’re like “You gotta wait for seasons 4 and 5” ugghhhhh this is too much.

Ok I’m done for now I’ll reblog this with any new terrifying thoughts when if they come.

[drawlfoy]

The Sound of...Magic? p.2

pairing: draco x nannyhalfblood!reader

request: yes! thank you :)

warning: draco being kinda angsty and uninterested. mentions of death in the family and also i’m butchering canon because *gasp* i refuse to consume any media about the cursed child....everything jkr has said since the deathly hallows is NONE of my business 

summary: after astoria dies, draco malfoy hires an american halfblood nanny who’s having some difficulty finding herself. he slowly falls for her

a/n: ok i’ll be totally honest, i might end up cutting this story short as it’s the story on my page who has gotten the least amount of feedback and i kind of suck at writing adults and parenting things, but i don’t want to let down the person who requested this fic and i’m hoping i’ll fall back in love with this! also i only have about 30 minutes today to write this particular fic so i apologize if it’s short! i’ll be totally honest, i’m having a lot of trouble writing this one up.

music recs: there really aren’t any that i recommend tbh

word count: 939

Y/N always held a special place in her heart for Britain, and quite honestly, Europe in general. She’d always envied the stories she heard of her professors that attended Hogwarts before being offered a teaching job at Ilvermorny. She’d attempted to take a year abroad and attend any wizarding school in Western Europe, but unfortunately, given her blood status and the fact that there was a full out war raging, her applications were denied and she was stuck on the East Coast of the US once again. 

Her holiday season had, in fact, sucked major ass. Uprisings were beginning around her office to protest one of the laws the Congress and recently passed regarding Magical Object Importation, and one of them turned violent. 

Her mother probably didn’t even have the chance to get up and try to run before her office was enfulged in flames, something that hurt Y/N to think about. 

Her father had left when she was young, and without any siblings, Y/N suddenly found herself completely alone with more inheritance than she knew what to do with. 

So when her supervisor heard her complaining and told her of a wizard requesting a nanny in Britain, she couldn’t resist. Before she knew it, she was organizing the portkeys needed and packing for one year away from everything she knew.

♥♥♥♥

The British countryside never failed to stun her with its beauty. Y/N had visited once with her mother when she was no older than 10, and she always promised herself that she’d return when she was older.

And I did, Mom Y/N thought, smiling sadly as she watched the world race by from her seat on the train. She’d opted to take the train for a bit to get closer to the address she was sent, which was a bit unorthodox and inefficient as she’d end up apparating anyways, but she needed the moments to think and gather her thoughts.

The only information her supervisor had given her was limited and vague. Something about a man just a few years older than her who had a son that was a couple year old. His wife died at birth and he had been getting by with local nannies, but apparently he wasn’t loved in the community and didn’t feel safe leaving his child alone with anyone who knew him, thus explaining why he wanted an American nanny. 

Y/N found that a bit odd, but cast the thoughts aside. Death changed everyone, and it certainly changed her. She could only hope that--she scoured the slip of parchment that gave her the address to find a name--Mr. Malfoy would be kind to her. 

She got off on the next stop, slipping away to a private alcove to apparate to the Malfoy...Manor? She stared at the word Manor. In America, no one had manors...sure, they had mansions, but manor was old money. 

Y/N gulped. Perhaps she was getting in way over her head.

No matter, though. She’d teleported all the way out here, and it wouldn’t be for nothing.

Here goes Y/N steeled herself before apparating.

♥♥♥♥

Her concerns were echoed as she saw the type of lodging she’d be staying in as the architecture of the giant mansion imitated one of a gothic castle. 

Maybe this was a mistake Y/N thought nervously to herself. Her trunk with her rather plain clothes began to feel out of place and she couldn’t help but wonder what kind of woman Mr. Malfoy was accustomed to--a prim and proper and manicured one that ate caviar for breakfast, no doubt. 

But she was alive, and his wife was not, so she decided to bite the bullet and approach the front door. It towered over her, pushing Y/N to the conclusion that this house was not constructed to feel homey and welcoming. It was designed to intimidate, and it was doing its job wonderfully.

She knocked thrice, picking her trunk back up afterwards and nervously waiting for the door to be answered. Y/N began to wonder what the father would look like--would he be classically beautiful? Or would his features resemble those with a family tree that interwove a little too much?

She didn’t have more time to worry as the door began to creak open. Y/N gulped, awaiting to see the man in the flesh, and was shocked when she had to look down to see who had opened the door.

Of course. A house elf. 

Any doubts she had about this household being one of luxury were immediately banished. These people were rich, alright. Richer than she could ever imagine.

The house elf greeted her and led her inside the manor, and she was immediately struck with a draft. It was cold and dark inside, the opposite of the cheery examples of rich lifestyles that had been shoved down her throat in America. 

Everything was spotless, no doubt to the credit of the many house elves bustling about the place. 

“This way, miss.” The house elf that greeted her directed her down a long hall off to the side. “Master is in his office.”

Y/N inwardly cringed at the use of the word “master”. She cringed even harder when she imagined Malfoy instructing her to refer to him as that.

If he does that, I’m giving myself the clear to take the first flight home she promised herself.

Finally, they reached the end of the hallway, which opened up into a giant office with windows stretching luxuriously across the walls and the ceiling. 

“Master, she is here,” the house elf reported.

The large, plush chair in front of the giant mahogany desk spun around.

[pnwswiftie]

Tbh I’m sad that so many of us were quick to complain n judge when learning of the limited lover fest tour dates- specifically, the US dates. It all falls back on the saying of you never know what someone else is going through... there are always multiple sides to a story, sometimes sides we can’t see. This is true for Taylor too. She’s a human, with a family, with her own struggles and humanness and her every day life events are not in anyway the business of the public. Life isn’t just black/white for us all the time, is it? Neither is Taylor’s. Life shifts and changes and circumstances happen and this is LIFE as a human. Do we think she wanted a Ticketmaster mess for us? Absolutely not. But w/her popularity level, and our demand for affordable seats; people from all over the entire WORLD were trying to buy tickets, all at once, for 4 shows. Everyone’s so quick to suggest how they would have done it differently, as if we have any idea what it’s like to be as GLOBALLY popular as Taylor Swift. It really comes down to trusting that she has the best possible intentions for us, the fans, as she ALWAYS always always always ALWAYS has had. Yeah TM can be shady af but tbh they were prob the best equipped for this kind of situation, since they are an established organization and this is literally what they do all day every day 25/7- they sell tickets by the bazillions. But besides getting into that... she’s been talking to us guys. LISTEN. She talks to us how she has always talked to us, and that’s through music. She gave us Soon You’ll Get Better. Do we remember she told us this was a family decision to share this song? Because its damn painful. It holds truth to what she’s going through, what she’s been through, what her family is going through, currently. It’s the one song we joke about skipping because it has the ability to put us in immediate TEARS. But apparently it wasn’t enough for us to be more gentle on her during this era and we seemed to forget the vulnerability she shared with us with this song. We felt like we needed to demand explanation from her all the while were fully aware of what she’s going through with her fam. We somehow quickly forgot & took out pitchforks about how unfair it was that loverfest sold out x fast and we waited x long even tho we had x amount of boosts etc etc etc. Im not gonna lie, it was frustrating af! (I was one of the ones with 2000+ prior boosts who sat in the que for 5 hours before getting in to zero tickets left, so don’t come for me), but can we just stop and listen to her?? I feel like now she’s had to spell it out for us in that interview. Her family is going through intense shit. This is where the rubber meets the road. And she can’t be away from her family. She would give us the world if she could and tour in every city, you know this. So can we give love back to her, with understanding and selflessness?? It wasn’t until just now that I’ve seen more understanding posts and I love yous... next time can we find ways to express frustrations without being so hurtful? Because you know that it hurts her when we’re coming off mad, especially her prob being completely limited on what she’s able to say. (Do u think right now in her life is the time for her to declare war on TM for us??) All this has just has been weighing on me and I think we all can grow and learn from this to be kind and gentle on each other, bc you never truly know what someone’s going through.. even if it means you didn’t get seats or the seats you wanted for lover fest, you aren’t alone, there are others in your same shoes! I just wanna take a min to be grateful for all Taylor has done for us over the last 13 years and make this a place she can come laugh and smile and relate with us and maybe escape the judgement of you know, an entire planet, for a little while. This post is out of the norm for me since I’m usually blogging about my family and Taylor memes and shit posts, but I feel like damnit Taylor needs our patience and understanding and love now more than ever ♥️ ((^all thoughts belong to lil ole me)) xoxo

[killapunk]

the weirdest, NO, evilest, person i have every worked for

no real names are used in this piece. i refer to other weirdos and freaks throughout, sorry its a long read (i didnt intend for this) but its one of those things ya gotta settle into and believe me its a wild ride. this saga covers over three years of drama btw.

tw: mental health mentioned (inc panic attacks), chronic illness mentioned and mild sex references 

i am going to single out jess. shes more evil than a weirdo but weirdo nonetheless. pete is a secondary weirdo in this saga.

i work in retail for a long time. a fashion store to be precise. i started out in one store but transferred when i started studying at uni and remained there for the majority of the retail career. during my time there i had three managers, the longest one, who is also a fucking weirdo was pete. now before i worked with pete, before he transferred to our store. i didnt like pete when i started working with him, he annoyed the fuck outta me. but my life circumstances changed and my mental health issues got very bad AND i was diagnosed with cfs so i had to disclose it w him. turns out… he was fucking mental too, very understanding, super chill. we liked the same shit. great boss. 11/10 every time.

he would be my reference for every job ever…

…but. he started gettin involved w jess. now to jess. the main character in this piece.

jess had started at the company around the same time as me and we were always on the same level until the last year or so. jess was a bit older than the average age of staff at the store (17-20) and was 23 when this drama started. she had a college diploma, went onto do something semi-successful but related to her HND. but blew all her money, moved back into her parents and started working at the store part time and then onto full time. she was like…the perfect retail girl? small, cute, slim, bubbly… always looked cool in her uniform. customers loved the fuck out of her. 

jess had a bf when i first started and pete had a longstanding gf. jess and her bf ended things abt 4 or 5 months before pete and his gf. but i remember they started gettin cushy around about this time. im not sure if its cos im v sympathetic towards pete (a true kind soul who i hold v dearly in my heart) but even tho youd be thinking ‘boss abuses his power’ …jess was and still is fuckin manipulative and he has longstanding mental health issues and i just think she sorta got the ball rollin’. pete and his gf didn’t seem on good terms, i dunno the full story but it seemed like they should have broken a long time before the did.

i think the fortnight before pete and his gf broke up they were spotted hanging out together near where she lived. it was this hush hush thing that everyone giggled abt cos there was at the time talk they were fuckin. when it got out, after his breakup jess said she was ‘just being a friend’ cos he was ‘going through a tough time’. 

jess got promoted to keyholder even though she didnt really (at the time) have the skills or confidence to be a keyholder. and then she started to try and fuckin control the work. back during this time, everyone who worked at the store, minus literally 3 people, had worked for the company for at least a year. the store ran very well, we were always in profit. nothing went wrong. but. she started changing processes because it 'made things easier when she was opening’. like. she made everyone tally the amount of people they served in the fitting room in one box and tally the amount of things people left behind so she could make a sales chart. idk if that’s normal in other stores but like? it was just nuts and impossible to do.we always put deliveries away out the package but not folded in a particular way. she made everyone tag and (where relevant) hang items bc she had to pick everything in the morning. 

she became friends w most of the girls, including one of the supervisors. they ruled the workplace. it was a total gossip mill. she gaslit the fuck outta people. one already less-popular girl at work ended up quitting cos she kept blaming her for fuck ups, she kept getting write ups and it was impating her mental health. she spun people against her. less popular girl spoke up and called her a bully and jess acted all defensive and said she wasn’t a bully bc shed been bullied before? jess continued to fuck up the workplace. next she turned on two people in her own clique. one tbh, i think she was jealous of bc jess had always wanted to be a teacher and this gal was training to be one. the other girl was v like jess, just not a bitch… strongwilled, liked control. anyway, drama got to the point where they had to quit. waay too much drama for this textpost. at this point others started to notice n work became hostile. jess moved her girlgang clique to one of the original clique girls, a different supervisor and the other two full time staff members.

pete obv didn’t listen to people coming to him, as store manager being like… hey… there’s this major clique problem and he’d be like ‘nah everyone is just friends, jess is a bit insecure but yno things are good, people quit, its just retail. fuck it.’ jess accused everyone who didn’t get on w her as being a terrible person. those legit words. like. if someone said it was a shame x, y or z left shed rebut, nah they were shit at their job, they were a shit person. honestly. EVERYONE. was a bad person. even the nicest people in the world were the worst person, the worst at the job. she was a good person, she liked the good people. she HAD BEEN BULLIED AND WOULD NEVER BULLY. she threw the anxiety word around a lot.

once we had a staff night out and i got left alone with jess and pete at the end of the night in this terrible lil bar as i waited for someone to pick me up. this is a good point to mention jess was always weirdly jealous cos i was close to pete. fucking ridic considering he was 14 years older than me and you know my fucking boss??? this night, i was sitting right next to pete, we were both drinking, jess wasn’t (cos she likes to be in control, she even said it), he had his arm around me and was whispering something into my ear that was such a non-thing i don’t even remember. she got her phone out, started texting. he excused himself and when he returned he sat beside her. it was fucking nuts. i couldn’t believe my eyes. we had to basically carry pete out of the bar. jess said to me she was gonna drive him home cos it was on the way to hers (spoiler! it was not!). myself and pete did the open the next day. he came in wearing the same clothes. i mean, he could have just passed out and had to rush to work when he woke up. but. this guy went out a lot. he never repeated an outfit. i think jess took advantage of a very drunk him. similarly, on another night out, jess promised to drive someone home. said person got too drunk and thew up. jess refused to take them home and called them embarrassing, she gave the space in her car to pete.

i had a major bad evening shift at work concerning another staff member, kaylee. a gal who just rubbed me up the wrong way, and who didn’t like me. ill never know why but it was just one of those things where anytime i was on shift w her she would nitpick and bitch about me and just… make me feel not v good. she was possibly the laziest and rudest person i had ever worked with but someone got away with it?

i used her as a way to talk to pete about the general problems in the store (jess). and…it was fuckin surreal. i told him abt kaylee. i told him i thought jess was controlling but kinda laid off a bit like ‘i get she thinks shes doing it for good’ etc. i padded it out w a few other rly petty issues abt the store. i was actually really upset, kinda numb from life to properly let out my emotions. and then. he started cry on me. like this full-on grown man having a panic attack in front of me when i was 19, fucked on diazepam i should have never been prescribed. to this day i visualise it. me and pete were v close at this point, and like, he didn’t mention jess too much – asked me about the other girl and other issues when i came to him. we spoke about personal shit, all but jess. i kinda wonder if he didn’t have the panic attack if i would have told him his under the radar relationship w her was not on?

and then. pete sold me out in the name of jess. idk the full ins and outta everything but he had to confront the drama once and for all cos our figures were so low so he decided to blame it all on kaylee. from my understanding of the situ from a lot of ‘he said she said’ bs, pete had this big meeting w kaylee. was like. 1. do ur job right and 2. stop being rude and unapproachable. the thing is, although kaylee is rude shes one of these ppl who most ppl really liked, not in a jess/regina george theyre scared of you way but…like they thought she was a tv character and she was funny and honest. so i think she confronted some obvious allies, and jess told her, according to another staff member, that i complained about her. after hearing this i obvious went to pete and tbh, acted pretty dramatic (cos if you haven’t fucking learned already THIS STORE WAS FULL OF DRAMA QUEENS). as soon as i heard, i started texting him angrily on his day off. i remember folding something in the fitting rooms and he came up to give me a hug and i was like ‘HOW FUCKING DARE YOU TELL OTHER PEOPLE MY BUSINESS’. i confronted jess, in a lighter tone, cos i obv told pete (half) what i felt about her. jess played the fucking innocent role. like, she said something along the lines of ‘we’re both close to pete n he was so worried that when me, you and kaylee did those shifts together that something would go wrong. so he told me to keep an eye on things and that’s all i told kaylee cos she wasn’t sure why she was being targeted when so many people in this store are treating people badly. i didn’t say you reported her or anything, honestly!!!!’ queue more bs.

after this, jess didn’t bother with me but was never explicit about hating me. if there was a convo going on and i tried to join in she scolded at me for being nosey. if i was unwell (i have cfs) shed moan ‘jokingly’ that i always had to be ill. i think she ripped on me once cos i said i was late for a hand-in at uni.

her next real victim, however, was jack, my best friend in store and our supervisor. jack was getting fucked over in his supervisor role bc pete would schedule jess for anything managerial. jess started a rumour that pete didn’t trust jack bc jack fucked it at a meeting w the other stores (semi true but fucking up a meeting isn’t the end of the world). like. anything jack would be, jess would be on him. by this point 50% of the staff that were around at the start of the story HAD LEFT. jess had driven people out and had the new ones all up her arse.

pete quit. it was sudden.

not long later, facebook popped up with a fuckin ‘pete is in a relationship with jess’ status and pete has never spoken to me again. i left shortly after that, although our new manager was lovely i felt like i was working for jess.

jack ended up GETTING DEMOTED, by petes replacement who had no idea what a shitstorm she was getting herself into. the new manager PROMOTED jess and demoted jack bc she was doing all the supervisor jobs whilst jack was only doing midshifts. he didnt get shafted to the lowest pay and was instead given the title ‘trainer and authorised opener/closer’ whilst still doing the same fucking job. he transferred out, cos that shit is fucking degrading and within, like two months he was put back up his rightful position. yay for my forever work bestie. I

feel like this has been going on for too long now. i think this doesn’t do her justice. like…i cant believe someone who is NOW 26 and who got what she wanted after manipulating a mentally ill man caused so much drama and pain and tension in a fucking clothes store.

fucking horrid. im reading this completely exhausted and so i cant say much but i just feel like these people are always the ones who come out on top, and its so fucked up. im really sorry you had to deal with so many unpleasant people, and your friend as well. 

i swear mediocrity and asskissing is what gets you anywhere in this world, and manipulative cunts like this jess woman take full advantage of that. it’s pretty scary, honestly. amazing how far drama can go, huh. this is why i have trust issues.

i still hope she gets her ass kicked by life, though. there has to be some sort of karmic justice somewhere

i also feel like i should say that there’s always going to be people who won’t like you for some reason. even if you don’t do anything wrong and even though everyone else thinks they’re great. no idea why this happens, but all i can say is there’s really nothing you can do. so FUCK EM (in the most metaphorical sense as they don’t deserve you giving them the time of day)

[softforimjaebum]

죄라 (5)

Im Jaebum x Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Genre: Angst

Summary: The one where Jaebum actually deals with things.

Author’s Note: I can’t believe I actually finished this chapter tbh. Sorry to everyone who was waiting for this chapter while I was getting distracted by other stories. Anyway, thank you for reading!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

Jaebum stood frozen at the sight before him.

He had been waiting for you for nearly an hour, and he hadn’t really expected to see you getting off a car followed by Song Minho. He saw you both making your way to the main gate of your apartment, where you both paused. He saw what looked like a conversation between the two of you, followed by your laughter.

There was a little part of him was suddenly hit by a wave of jealously. He wasn’t supposed to be jealous of this at all, he had no right to be, but he couldn’t help but be. He tried to remember if he ever made you laugh the way he did, but he came up empty handed. Suddenly all the nights he spent with you didn’t seem to fill the void in him, it felt like all the time he spent with you didn’t scale up to what he was witnessing.

What happened next only intensified his feeling.

Minho hugged you, picking you up and swirling you around, and he could see just how giddily happy you looked. He then kissed your cheek before turning around to walk back to his car. His jaw was clenched as he tried to remember if he had ever been the reason for you to be this giddy.

Probably not his mind reminded him. You never wanted to be the reason she was giddy, you only wanted to be the reason she was a begging mess remember?

It was true. He had never made you this giddy and happy, but the problem he realised as he stood witness to everything happening before him was that he wanted to be the one who made you happy, the one who made you smile and giggle and everything else in between.  

But why, when he had never felt that need before, was he feeling it now?

He watched as Minho turned around to get back to his car and how you waved at him until he drove away. And that is when you saw him. He knew you did from the way every ounce of giddiness that was on your face just a second ago disappeared as your eyes met with his.

He could tell you were trying your best to push the anxiety away, he could almost feel your body against his the way he did that night at the club, he could almost feel your body freezing in horror. He saw as you let go of the gate, and how you couldn’t look away until the gate bolted shut.

As he stood there, he knew he had decisions to make. But he couldn’t go through one more night without at least apologising to you. He knew that was the least he should have done but never got the courage to do.

Jaebum made his way across the street, his nerves fighting to get the best of him, and buzzed himself in. You had told him the code to get into your building a long time ago, in fact everyone in GOT7 knew because you and your roommate were always too lazy to buzz people in manually.

He was distracted by his phone buzzing loudly. It was his girlfriend calling him, probably to ask questions to which he didn’t answers for. He stopped walking, looking down at his phone, knowing he did not want to answer it. But at the same time, a part of him felt guilty for how he had treated her. Yes, she was toxic for him but he was probably being the same way for her with how he had been acting especially more recently.

But she could wait, he decided. Putting the ringer of his phone off, he continued his way to your floor. Once there he rang the doorbell and waited, knowing that you would know it was him and would probably panic at the thought.

He was, however, taken by surprise as you yanked the door open much quicker than he had anticipated. It was like you had already prepared yourself, he could almost see the walls you’d build around yourself. And he didn’t blame you. The last time he did something to show you he cared he had ended up fucking everything up.

“Hi” he said, his voice coming out more awkward than he had anticipated. He wasn’t used to this with you. He was always so physical with you that this didn’t seem natural to him, but then again he wanted this; he wanted to be comfortable with you outside of being physical.

“Hi” you replied, unsure of yourself. “What brings you here?”

“Can I come in?” he asked. As uneasy as you were of the prospect of having him inside your home again, talking to him in a lobby where anyone could overhear the two of you or see him was worse. You were his dirty little secret after all.

You stepped away from the door, walking back inside your living room with Jaebum following suit. Once in the middle of the room you turned around to face him once again. You hoped he would just get whatever he was here for done with and leave.

“So...what’s up?” you asked again when Jaebum didn’t start speaking. He just kept looking at the floor, trying to figure out how to go about this conversation.

He acknowledged your question, looking up at you once before looking at the floor once again, silent. You were starting to get irritated. If he thought that he could barge in and out of your life whenever he pleased, with whatever conditions he pleased, he was wrong.

“Jaebum, I don’t have all day. Why are you here?”

He could hear the irritation in your voice, the distrust with the slightest tinge of hatred. He wasn't

used to this either. It seemed like his day was just a cluster of things he wasn’t used to. He could feel your eyes boring a hole into him so he spoke the first thing that came to his mind.

“I didn’t know you knew Minho hyung”

Silence.

To say you beyond annoyed at him was an understatement. How could he know anything about you when he didn’t care for it? And why was that a question to be asked in the current situation?

“You don’t know a lot of things about me, consider this just one of them”

“But I want to get to know those things about you”

You were silent for a while again, mulling over his words. Most of what you were feeling in that moment you couldn't put your finger on, but the one identifiable feeling, the one voice that made sense, was the one screaming at you to push him out your door. This was no way for him to come barging into your life, not after the way you had left things that night at the bar. If he refused to acknowledge that something had happened that night, something that wasn’t the usual between you two, then this was a complete waste of your time. You couldn't be stuck with someone who couldn’t figure those things out without you spelling it out.

“Jaebum, please leave”

He was taken aback by your words, but he should have known better. He should have gotten to the main point before he pushed you to the limit.

“No, wait, I need to talk to you” Jaebum said, his eyes finally meeting yours.

“If you have something a little more worthwhile then by all means I’m listening, but if not, I am sure you can talk to me during office hours and not in my personal time”

“I’m really sorry about what happened” Jaebum started, pausing to look at you to see if you were okay with him continuing. When you didn't respond he continued, “I know I shouldn’t just be barging in here but I just felt like apologising to you was long overdue”

“Okay, apology accepted”

You weren’t sure why you had said it, because it was far from the truth. Apology not accepted, not at all. You wanted to be so mad at him, but your mind kept questioning whether you had a right to be mad at him at all. You weren’t even sure if you could label the two of you as friends.

“You’re not mad at me?” Jaebum asked, his curiosity getting the best of him. He wasn’t sure if you meant what you said because your voice sure didn’t sound like it.

“Do you want an honest answer to that or a sugar coated one?” you asked him. You wanted to be sure what he wanted this time. If he wanted a sugar-coated version you would tell him no, you weren’t mad at him, everything was just fine between the two of you.

“Honest” Jaebum answered without hesitation. He took great pride in being a straight forward, honest person. He wouldn’t except you to be any less.

“Okay. I am mad, I am livid actually. I thought we were friends, and friends don’t use friends to make their ex-girlfriends jealous. If you had just asked me to help you out, I would’ve never said no. But you tricked me. And now you suddenly show up, barging into my life telling me you want to know things about me. It doesn’t work like that” You said, looking up at him, taking a pause. It was more to compose yourself than to give him time to absorb your words, but he took it the other way around, taking the chance to explain himself.

“I didn’t know she would be there, I really didn’t. I know you don’t believe it but I wouldn’t ever think of doing something like that to you”

“But it helped you get back with her anyway, didn’t it? And I felt used regardless of whether you intended for it or not” you said, taking a deep breath to calm yourself. You didn’t want to cry, didn’t want to seem emotional. You just wanted him to know the truth, and then decide for himself what he wanted after that.

“Moving on, I realise we aren’t friends-”

“But-”

“No, hear me out. I don't know the basic things about you that friends should know about each other. In the amount of time we’ve all known each other, I know so much more about Jackson or Jinyoung, any of the other boys for that matter, than I know about you. I maybe know 5 things about you and one of them is that you love cats. I am mad but I don’t think its my place to be mad”

Jaebum was lost in his own thoughts for a moment. You were right, you didn’t know much about him. Neither did he know things about you. But he still felt something for you, and he couldn’t pin point what it was. Maybe it was just lust, but he wanted to take the time to figure that out.

“Fair enough” he said. “Can we be friends though? I really do want that”

You mulled over that question for a minute. Being friends was a start, right? It meant you didn’t have to spend your life running and hiding from him. It meant the boys didn't have to sneak out to meet you. It made life that much easier.

“Friends sounds good to me”

Jabeum smiled widely, happy with the way things were.

“Okay, friend, do you want to go get some coffee with me?” he asked.

He knew at the back of his mind that this was too quick, that he was probably asking for a bit too much. But he couldn’t stop himself in the haze of the relief he felt in that moment. At least you didn’t despise him. He wanted to spend whatever time he had free with you, wanted to really get to know you.

“First, I just came back from lunch. And second you, Im Jaebum, are a tier 1 friend. I don't hang out with tier 1 friends”

The only constructive way you could imagine letting go of whatever had happened in the past was to give him a hard time now. Besides if he wanted to get to know you, the first thing he would need to know is how picky you were, with friends, with who you hung out with, and so much more in between.

Jaebum smiled, “Waaah…I didn’t realise this was a dictatorship”

You could sense he was teasing you, but you didn’t mind. It was like this weight had been lifted from the universe, and everything felt…right.

“Well, it is now”

“What tier friends get to hang out with you?”

“That is classified information”

Both of you were smiling at this point. The sudden banter between the two of you felt surprisingly normal.

Jaebum took his leave, but only after making you promise that he could get you coffee the next time you came up to the practise room to meet them, and made his way back to the company. He knew there was one other business he needed to take care of, one other person he needed to apologise to, and he was going to do just that.

It was a tough task to break up with a girlfriend who had been through this toxic cycle with him so much so that she didn’t initially want to believe he was really breaking up with her for good. He apologised to her, and while his friends would have would have been less than thrilled at that, he knew all too well that it took two to tango.

He contributed to this toxicity just as much as she did, even if she was constantly the one who left him, broke him, he was the one who never said no. He was always there for the taking, whenever she wanted him. No matter how many times she hurt him, no matter what words she uttered, he was always there when she wanted to come back. In his mind, people were complicated and she made it all seem like the norm.

In hindsight he realised there were traces of her habits in him. He took what he needed from you, barging in and out of your life as he pleased. It was like they said, at last you become what you swore you never would.

Lucky for him, he had a second chance to be better, to not be a reflection of how he was treated.

[jaehyunskitten22]

Daddy!Wonho x Chubby!Reader

Legitimately looks at you like the stars shine in your eyes, no joke 

I honestly believe that all of his relationships would start out by being friends first

so that’s why I always start out with yall as friends, because I don’t think that he could fall in love with/ask someone out unless he extensively knew them

ANYWAY

I see him as someone who can read people very well

he can tell when you’re upset, when you’re hungry, but most important to this list thing, when you’re needy

And when I say needy, i mean needy for anything. Cuddles, back rubs, your hair played with, comfort, not just sex

but he can tell when you need sex too lmao

I don’t think he would be able to necessarily tell what you are into, but he knows what he’s into and the way you act sometimes triggers his Daddy instinct

Sometimes you act really... cuddly and submissive? (A/N I’m the kind of kitten/sub that tends to go into subspace when i’m around someone who makes me feel protected and loved, and everyone knows that wonho can do that and fight me if you think otherwise lol jk dont im sensitive and weak )

And of course wonho is like ‘oH HELL YES’ because his pretty and soft friend? Wanting cuddles and acting like she needs him? Yes please.

And of course he doesn’t try to initiate anything sexual/a scene or anything like that when you’re in subspace, because he knows that you aren’t in the appropriate mindset to make those kinds of decisions

so he takes care of you to the best of his abilities (which is hella good btw) and he loves every single second of it

and you start to develop a relationship

when you guys start dating, he takes a little bit to start a sexual relationship, but he still very much acts like your Daddy

And of course you agree to it. You guys have an understanding of what you expect from one another; you know what rules he wants you to follow, and he knows what you like and what makes you feel the safest and most comfortable

The first time you go into full blown kitten/little space with him he is in literal awe of how cute and sweet you look

he loves your fluffy little ears and tail or your cute little nighty and nothing makes him feel more loved than when you rub your cheek against his leg, hand or chest, or when you beg him to play dolls or color with you

he especially loves when you crawl onto his lap and snuggle into his chest because it’s something that you won’t do when you aren’t in kitten space (due to insecurity for your weight, or if you aren’t insecure about your weight, out of concern for him not liking you on his lap which he totally does its his fave)

he also like sending you flirty little looks and paying very close attention to you because he knows it makes you a little embarrassed

he will also praise every single thing you do

you say that you love him? A cuddle session will commence. You’re honest with him about how you;re feeling? He will talk about it to his other dom friends for weeks. 

The rules he has for you are nothing out of the ordinary, but i’ll go through a few of them

Be healthy. And not like going to the gym everyday for 7 hours and only eating lettuce healthy lol. Just like eating a balanced (ish) diet. He’s not very strict with it though, because he likes when his baby is eating her favorite things and is full. He just wants to make sure that you dont eat 17 powdered donuts and call that “lunch” (which is totes something i do whoops)

the next rule is to tell him when you are upset, whether that be at him or in general. He wants to comfort his special little kitten, but he can’t do that if you don’t tell him you need it you feel? Like he can generally tell, but he still wants you to tell him, to keep the lines of communication and trust open

Another rule is to greet him whenever he comes home, if possible. He likes to know that he was missed, especially because he missed you.

His rules for dressing really are almost nonexistent. Always wear your day collar, if he picks something special out for you (which he doesnt do a lot) you have to wear it and send him pictures. He wants you to wear underwear every time you are out in public, even when you are with him (i know a few doms make their subs do this to humiliate them, which is what makes me say that he wouldn’t do it. He doesn’t want to humiliate you) He also likes when you wear lingerie, but he has no rules around that. Surprise him whenever you want because it will never be unwelcome. He doesn’t even care what kind it is, he knows you’ll look hot in anything

You can touch yourself and he even encourages you to do so, but he wants you to ask him first. Once again it’s to keep the lines of communication and trust open. He will never deny you touching yourself probably, but he might tell you to wait until he can touch himself too so you guys can do it together (he would be into phone sex dont come for me) But i can totes see him telling you to not let yourself cum if he’s going to be home that day. If he has the option to see you fall apart in person, he will make you wait until he is there to see your orgasm

The last rule i can really think of is if he buys you a gift, you are not allowed to complain about the cost. Nothing is ever to expensive for his special little girl.

Now for the Sex

He is such a giving Daddy

he isn’t going to tease you an excessive amount because teasing you is teasing himself

but he still will tease you and make you beg for him because he loves knowing that you want and desire him. He needs to feel needed by you.

he loves to be praised. Compliment his body, how smooth and firm his body feels on top of you (or under you because he would def love you on top too) Tell him that only he can make you feel this way, that he fills you up so good, yank him closer to you (just be vocal about how much you want and need him, it’ll always get you fucked real good)

He would be crazy good at giving oral. he loves squeezing your soft thighs until you’re bruised. He will most definitely try and eat you out until you pass out or use the safeword. He loves making you shake.This might sound gross to people but im putting it in here anyway. He would love to cum inside of you and eat you out right after. He would love the taste of your cum and his mixed together (i think he really likes playing with his cum tbh like when he jerks off i bet he messes with it for a little bit before cleaning himself off. i bet he’s also tasted his cum and he doesn’t mind the taste tbh) 

as for you giving him oral, he will almost always want you on your knees in front of him if its an actual scene. 

He would want you on your knees in front of him for a lot of things tbh. he likes being bigger than you and it always makes you look so small and helpless. He would love to caress at your face and pet you in this position (fun fact the gif at the top inspired this whole thing js) (but yeah exactly like the gif at the top)

alot of the time he won’t let you use your hands. he will only let you rub your cheek against his clothed bulge in order to tease him, or only let you mouth along it and over it, just because he likes the way it feels against your soft cheek and the feel of dominance it makes him have

he would totally want to fuck your throat because the sounds of you gagging on him would be a little hot to him.

he won’t do it to the point of intense pain tho. just a lil bit to satisfy the urge

eye contact is his absolute favorite. He will literally cum so hard from you looking up at him with a wide eyes and innocent expression with your mouth occupied in such a dirty act

He doesn’t really care where he comes or if you swallow. It would be up to you and he would never push you out of your comfort zone

But for me, I would love for him to cum on my face js

Sex won’t be that kinky with him but he will use a crap ton of pet names and dirty talk

“My princess is always so tight around my cock. I bet you can feel every single bump and ridge against your soft little walls. Does it feel good, Kitten? Tell Daddy how good he makes you feel.” 

“How about you come and suck Daddy off? Your mouth always makes me feel so good and I know that you love when Daddy feels good.”

“Can I cum inside of you Angel? Does my special little girl want Daddy to fill her up with cum?” 

things like that (im sweating)

And also keep in mind that he would be holding you as closely and tightly as he can, tucking his head into you neck and panting those things in your ear.

Aftercare with daddy!wonho would be very fluffy and warm

it wouldn’t be very extensive because I don’t see him being crazy adventurous with things like positions or punishments.

he would ask if you wanted a bath and if you wanted one he would run it for you and make sure you got in okay.

he probably wouldn’t get in with you unless it was a large bathtub, because he wanted you to be able to spread out and lay comfortably

he would sit by the side and gently run a wash cloth over your curves and inbetween you legs, lightly giggling at the shudder that went through your body due to your sensitivity.

if you didnt feel up to a bath he would get a warm wash cloth and wipe you down before redressing you so you didn’t get cold in the middle of the night

whether you wanted a bath or not tho, i feel like he would gently try to coax you to use the bathroom (going to the bathroom after sex helps prevent yeast infections js) because he wants his little girl healthy in all parts of her body

He would also get you a glass of water and make you drink it all, just to make sure that you would rehydrate yourself

he probably wouldn’t get that dressed himself tho, like the most he will put on is probably a pair of boxer briefs and then he’ll wrap his arms around you and coo little praises and compliments, telling you that you were such a good girl for Daddy all the time and that you always do so well for him and you always make him feel so good

and you would be the first to fall asleep, but not before you told him that you loved him a lot

to sum up, he’s not a crazy demanding daddy that makes you jump through a lot of hoops or anything like that. He just loves taking care of you and making sure that you are always safe. He’s not a very kinky or harsh lover, he’s quite soft and warm.

the end :)

[imaginebeinghamiltrash]

Not Your Usual Tattoo

***PLEASE NOTE: This is Part Two of a series. You can find Part One linked below.***

Pairing: TattooArtist!Daveed x Reader

Summary: You go to a clipping. concert and get a lot more than you asked for. (This contains smut.)

Warnings: some aspects of d/s, fingering, oral sex, some biting, hickeys, hair pulling, slight dirty talk (i guess), Daveed with tattoos (tbh that’s the real killer in this AU)

Words: 6.5k+ (shit, I am so sorry)

Part One | Part Two

A/N: So this has been in the works for a longgg time and it is FINALLY done! I am so excited to release it! I hope you guys like it! <3 shoutout to @helplesslylins for being the B E S T and sticking with me through this ride! Also first fic on my rebirth account!

Tags: @tempfixeliza @daveeddiggsit @diggs4life @americanrevelation @patron-saintof-sluts @icanneverbesatisfied @merrahonthawall, @hamilbroke, @sharkastic-issues, @videogamedriver, @boredonatuesdaynight @thehamiltonpost , @hamiltonwrotetheother51 @butlinislin, @nadialinett14 , @librarychild , @spidey-boii , @me-hoy-me-trash , @serkewen12 , @daveedish , @linmanuclmiranda , @autistic-alien , @runnerriley, @hamilsquad-writings , @runnerriley

You’d be lying if you said you weren’t overly excited for the concert. The past week you’ve been playing strictly clipping. Clipping. was the only thing that felt right during your commutes around the city. You knew a fair amount of songs by the time the concert rolled around. Doors were at 8 but you decided to be in the area at 7:30, there was a small line but it wasn’t anything crazy. Everyone seemed to be chill and friendly, there was excited chatter about clipping. but most of it was centered around Daveed.

“I’m just saying if he wanted to pull me backstage I would not mind.” A girl to your left spoke to her group of friends.

They all burst into laughter and you quietly agreed in your head as you unlocked your phone.

“Hey Rafael!”

You looked up, a few people in line were calling out to Rafael who was walking past. You two connected eyes for a second and he did a double take before walking to you.

“Hey! You came.” Rafa smiled, tucking his hand into his pockets.

“Of course! Studio versions of songs are amazing but there’s something about live performances, you know?”

“Yeah, I feel that.” Rafa nodded in agreement.

You shifted uncomfortably under the stares of some people in line, was Rafael a big deal around here as well?

“I told him I was down the block and he still isn’t out here waiting for me. Can you believe how I get treated?”

You chuckled, looking at the front door of the venue.

“Maybe he’s busy soundchecking? Or his phone isn’t on him?” You shrugged, watching as Rafael pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“Let’s try this again.” Rafa sighed, clicking call and putting the phone to his ear.

“Oh, so you can answer your phone but not answer a text? Luckily I had Y/N out here to entertain me or I would’ve died of boredom.”

Rafael smiled as you chuckled.

“Mhmmmm.” Rafa dragged out his response, looking you up and down. You raised a brow, tugging at the neckline of your shirt to cover your chest a bit more. You weren’t showing it all but you weren’t the most modest either.

“Yeah, and she expects an amazing show. Also, she thinks you should come get me from outside, I’m out here with food that’s getting cold.”

You glanced down and noted the plastic bag hanging from Rafael’s left hand.

“Finally. Jesus.” Rafa groaned dramatically, taking the phone from his ear and hanging up.

“You are the definition of a drama queen.” You snickered.

“I’ll happily admit that I am.” Rafa winked at you before glancing over at the now open front door. Daveed popped his head out of the doorway, scanning the area for his best friend. Eventually, his eyes landed on you and Rafael. You waved and Daveed waved back before his attention was pulled to some fans in the front of the line who noticed him. You expected Rafa to start walking over to the front door but he looked over at you.

“You know, being on the list means you get early access.”

You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. Rafael rolled his eyes playfully.

“I’m saying, come inside with me.” Rafa clarified, turning around and walking before you could respond.

You were frozen for a second, still processing what was said but once it clicked you followed behind Rafael to the door. The two of you slipped in behind Daveed who was still talking to the fans in line.

“He’s gonna be a while, the fans tend to favor him.” Rafael said, walking to the bar and setting down the bag of food.

“That smells really good, I should’ve gotten a snack before I left.” You sighed, setting your bag on the countertop.

“I got a bagel if you want half of it.” Rafa pulled out the tinfoil wrapped bagel, holding it out to you.

“You sure? I don’t wanna deprive you of food.” You replied, taking the bagel out of his hand and unwrapping it.

“Go for it, they really packed it this time around. Plus I have another plate of food in here for me. I insist.” Rafa flashed you a warm smile.

“Thank you.” You smiled back, taking a half of the bagel and biting into it.

“It’s still kinda warm from the toaster.” You hummed happily, swinging your legs on the bar stool.

Rafa bit into his half, nodding in appreciation.

“This is some good shit right there.” He agreed, opening a bottle of water and taking a sip.

“Would you happen to have another bottle of water in there?”

Rafael rummaged through the bag, pulling out another bottle of water.

“You’re in luck. I do.” He held it out to you. “Can I supply you with anything else?”

You shook your head no, smiling sheepishly.

“Aren’t you supposed to wait for everyone to get their food before you eat?”

You turned around at the sound of Daveed’s voice. He looked good in a shirt that fit him too well, a beanie, black jeans, sneakers and a pair of glasses. The glasses threw you off the most, you never saw them on him before but they made him look even more attractive.

“Weren’t you supposed to be outside waiting for me when I got here?” Rafael retorted, mocking Daveed’s tone.

“Hey!” Rafa yelled out as Daveed snatched the rest of the bagel out of his hand and took a bite.

“You don’t gotta be a jerk.” Rafa mumbled, pulling out a bag of chips.

“You don’t gotta sass me.” Daveed countered, sitting on the other side of you.

“Touché.”

Daveed smirked, running his fingers through his hair.

“That bagel was yours anyway.” Rafa confessed, a smug grin on his face.

Your eyes widened as you looked at the small bit of bagel you still had in your hand. You glanced over at Daveed, who was already looking at you.

“I swear I had no idea, I wouldn’t have eaten it if I had known it was yours.” You rambled, a blush spreading through your cheeks.

“No need to apologize, it’s fine.” Daveed gave you a reassuring smile and took another bite into his bagel.

“Okay good because I wasn’t trying to give this bit of bagel back to you.” You tossed the last piece into your mouth.

Daveed shook his head, continuing to chew instead of responding to you.

“Your tattoo is looking good. Have you been having any issues with it?” Daveed asked, eyes shifting down to your collarbone then continuing a little bit lower to your chest for a split second before returning to your face.

“Nope, it’s been going great. I think it will be fully healed in a few more days.”

Daveed nodded, leaning forward so he could see Rafa.

“Pass me my water please.”

“Yeah…about that…” Rafa’s gaze slowly shifted to the water bottle currently in your hand.

“Why am I friends with you?” Daveed sighed, standing and heading for the back.

“You love me!” Rafa called after him, chuckling.

“I can’t believe you basically gave me Daveed’s food.”

“Oh please, the venue probably gave them a shitload of snacks, he won’t die. He doesn’t like to eat big before a performance anyway.” Rafael tossed his now empty bag of chips into the trash can behind the bar.

“So, did you catch up on your clipping.? Daveed loves it when the crowd knows the words.”

You didn’t like the sly smirk on Rafael’s face, it couldn’t mean anything good.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“No reason! Oh, by the way, Daveed favors stage right. Just so you know.”

Rafael gave you a smile as you narrowed your eyes at him.

“You’re not very subtle.”

“I never said I was.” Rafael responded, shrugging and glancing at the stage.

“Just trying to give you the best experience, trust me you will want a front row view for this concert.” Rafael stood up from the stool, cleaning up the bar, “Doors open soon, go claim your spot.”

With those last words, Rafael disappeared backstage and you heeded his advice, taking a spot in the middle of stage right. The room slowly filled with people but it wasn’t to the point where you were crushed. You could move around with ease and dance in your spot if you wanted to. As the lights dimmed, you realized this was really happening. Even as the opener hyped up the crowd and performed, your mind was elsewhere thinking about what was to come. After 40 minutes the opener finished and exited the stage. Immediately the crew came out and moved speakers before disappearing behind the scenes again. When Bill and Jon took the stage and the crowd went wild, adrenaline coursed through your veins at a dizzying speed. Then Daveed jogged on stage with a wide grin. He approached the mic stand, instantly jumping into ‘Get Up’. You bounced to the beat, screaming along with the crowd as Daveed rapped at an insane speed.

“Y’all ready to turn the fuck up?” Daveed yelled as the song came to an end.

You cupped your hands around your mouth and cheered with the crowd.

“Nah, y’all can do better. I said, are you ready to turn the fuck up?” Daveed repeated, smiling as the crowd yelled back with more enthusiasm.

He took the mic off the stand as the second song started, dancing around the stage until the beat dropped. Song after song, Daveed only increased his energy. By the time he neared the end of the set he was drenched in sweat. Every time he shook his head, sweat flew in every direction. He made eye contact with you a few times, giving you a small smile before moving to the other side of the stage. You sang along to every song as if your life depended on it.

“This song is for all the ladies! And everyone else!” Daveed called out as the beginning of Body & Blood played.

This was your hands-down your favorite song by clipping., so you made sure to go all out. The crowd did the same, feeding off the energy Daveed was giving them. Daveed neared your side of the stage and looked you right in the eyes as he rapped.

“She got a diamond tattoo on her upper thigh. Another fineness walks by and cuts eyes. She let her go, she got a bad little body.” Daveed winked as he finished the lyric before turning away and walking towards the other side of the stage.

You bit your lip, watching Daveed control the crowd with his movements and words. He was even more attractive when he was growling lyrics, the veins in his forearms becoming defined. You definitely weren’t prepared for him to take off his shirt and jump into the crowd. The energy spiked immensely, the crowd jumping with Daveed as he finished the last song.

“It’s Clipping., bitch.” Daveed said, jumping back on the stage and putting the mic on the stand. He walked offstage with Jon and Bill in tow, all of them waving as they exited. The lights turned on and you leaned on the stage, still thrumming with adrenaline. What now? You turned around and walked to the bar to get a cup of water. You chugged it down, refilling the cup before turning back to the crowd that wasn’t getting any smaller despite doors being open again. Then you saw the reason why. Daveed, Jon, and Bill were all talking with fans. Daveed had, sadly, put on another shirt. You found yourself observing from across the room, watching Daveed interact with fans. He was genuinely happy, a smile never leaving his face as he went through the big crowd surrounding him. When you looked away to toss out your empty water cup, you realized you were one of the few people still wandering around. Part of you wanted to approach Daveed but the more shy part of you told you to just slip out.

“Enjoyed the show?”

You jumped and looked to your left to see Rafa taking a seat next to you.

“My throat hurts right now and my legs are sore from dancing so I’m gonna go with hell yes.” You chuckled, spinning around to face him.

“I could tell. You are quite the dancer Y/N.”

“You were watching me?” You raised a brow.

“It was hard to keep my eyes off you when you were moving like that.” He shrugged, leaning on the counter with a sly smirk.

“You’re tipsy, aren’t you?” You asked, if you didn’t know any better you would think he was flirting with you.

“Little bit. Alcoholic gummy bears. So many of them.” Rafa chuckled, adjusting the beanie on his head.

“And you didn’t share? I’m hurt.” You clutched your chest as if he had physically hit you.

Rafa rolled his eyes and pulled a plastic bag out of his pocket and put it on the counter, inside was a bunch of gummy bears.

“Go ahead.” He nodded towards the bag.

You opened it and took out three, tossing them into your mouth and savoring the bitter taste of vodka. You took a handful more and tossed them into your mouth.

“Might wanna slow down there.” Rafa laughed, taking a bear out of the bag and tossing it into the air and catching it in his mouth.

“I can do that too.” You said, taking another gummy bear and tossing it into the air but it fell on your nose instead of into your mouth.

“Ah, so close!”

“Fuck off.” You softly elbowed him before grabbing another and tossing it up, this time it fell in your mouth.

You threw your arms up in victory, smirking at Rafael. He clapped sarcastically and you bowed dramatically.

“Thank you. Thank you. I know. What talent. What grace.”

“And I thought I was dramatic.” Rafa rolled his eyes playfully, handing you another gummy bear.

“What are you two up to over here?”

You turned to see Daveed walking towards you with his jacket on his arm, glasses once again on his face. Your nerves kicked into high gear again as he got closer. The question was for both you and Rafa but he was focused on you.

“Some fun adult festivities. Think fast!” Rafa launched a gummy bear towards Daveed who caught it in his mouth.

“Gotta be quicker than that.” Daveed said, chewing on the bear and stopping in front of you and Rafael.

“Yeah yeah yeah.” Rafa responded, nudging the bag toward you, “You can have them if you want.”

“Or, we could get a real drink at a nearby bar.” Daveed suggested, once again turning his attention to you.

“Yeah, drinks sound good. You coming, Rafael?” You turned to him but he was already shrugging his jacket on.

“Nah, I’m smashed enough as it is but, you two have fun.” Rafael smirked, walking off and leaving you and Daveed behind.

You smiled shyly at him, getting off the barstool and picking up the bags of gummy bears. Daveed smiled back, walking to the front door and holding it open for you. You stepped out into the cool night, zipping up your jacket as Daveed followed you out.

“This way.” Daveed nodded up the block.

You fell into step with him, hands in your pockets. You felt like you should say something but for some reason your mouth wouldn’t cooperate. So you both walked in silence for about three blocks before he was opening another door for you. You thanked him and walked inside, looking around.

It was a small bar with a few booths, a jukebox, and a pool table.

“Booth or bar?” Daveed asked, staying behind you.

You headed towards one of the empty booths, Daveed took in the view of your ass as your hips swayed. You slid into one side and Daveed set down his jacket.

“What do you want to drink?”

“Hm, a Piña colada please.”

Daveed nodded and walked off to the bartender. You took a moment to send a quick text to your friends so they knew you were alive and well. You locked your phone as Daveed set your drink down in front of you.

“Thank you.” You said, taking a sip.

“Welcome.” Daveed responded, setting down his drink and sitting.

“I gotta say, you really know how to put on a show. My throat hurts a bit from screaming.”

Daveed grinned at that, some of his nerves melting away.

“I’m glad you had fun. You knew a lot more words than I thought you would.” He admitted, swishing the liquor in his glass.

“So you had no faith in me is what you’re saying.”

“I never said all that now. Just didn’t think you’d learned so much in a week.” He put his hands up as if he was surrendering.

You giggled, taking another sip from your drink.

“Well, I listened to your music fairly often. By that I mean when I was doing literally anything.”

“Is that so? So you must enjoy what you hear.”

“Nah, I go to shows because I hate the music I’m hearing.” You replied sarcastically.

“Ha ha. So funny.” He deadpanned, smiling when you started laughing.

“Don’t ask dumb questions and you won’t get dumb answers.”

“Alright, so no more dumb questions.” Daveed nodded, sipping his drink before setting down his glass, “You look amazing.”

You looked down at your glass, chewing on your lip. Daveed found it rather cute how easily you get flustered.

“You do too, even with the lack of a shirt.” You joked, meeting his gaze again.

“Many seem to like the no shirt look.” He shrugged, folding his arms in front of him.

“I can see why.” You said, eyeing the tattoos on his arm.

It wasn’t a new sight but you loved looking at them.

“Does that mean you liked what you saw?” He raised a brow, tilting his head to the side.

You got distracted by how his curls bounced before getting yourself back on track.

“Who wouldn’t? You look good and you know you look good, Daveed.”

“Well, I’m glad you enjoyed watching me as much as I enjoyed watching you.”

“So you were watching me?” You leaned in closer, giving Daveed a flirtatious smile.

Daveed licked his lips, leaning in as well.

“Mostly out of the corner of my eye, I have to be fair with my attention to the crowd but damn you were distracting. Especially when you were dancing and losing yourself in the music.”

“I wouldn’t have been able to tell with the way you performed. The control you had over the crowd, your stage presence, your energy. It was always at one hundred percent.” Your mind drifted back to the image of shirtless Daveed growling his lyrics.

Daveed noticed the distracted look in your eye but chose not to comment on it.

“I’ve been told I’m good with control. In many different settings.” Daveed lowered his voice, an underlying tone in his words made your thighs tense up involuntarily.

“Is that so? Do you like to be in control?” You quirked a brow, sipping from your glass.

“I thrive off of it. Something about being able to direct something, or someone, however you see fit gives me this rush. Wouldn’t you agree?”

You stirred your drink with your straw, willing your hormones to chill the fuck out but Daveed’s stare was intense and strangely, a turn on.

“I would say I like to be controlled.” You admitted, looking down at the table as Daveed bit his bottom lip.

“Then this should work perfectly.”

“What exactly is this?” You asked, meeting Daveed’s gaze again.

“You tell me.” Daveed challenged, pushing his empty glass aside.

You bit the inside of your flushed cheeks, you could blame it on the alcohol but Daveed wasn’t doing anything to help that.

“I’ll think about it over another drink.” You responded, glancing at the bar.

Daveed chuckled, sliding out the booth and walking back to the bar. You took a deep breath, only one drink in and you already felt the buzz. Daveed set down another Piña Colada in front of you as he sat back down. He refilled his glass as well.

“I want another tattoo, when are you free?”

Daveed seemed surprised by your statement, taking a sip of his drink before answering.

“I could do tomorrow if you want it soon.”

“What time?”

“Anytime.” Daveed shrugged, “What do you want this time?”

“You’ll see tomorrow at 10 PM.” You replied, giggling as Daveed rolled his eyes playfully.

“Alright, alright. This better be good.”

“Oh, trust me. It is.”

After a few more drinks and a lot of flirtatious talk, Daveed paid the tab and walked outside with you. You didn’t think Daveed would be a giggly drunk but trying to get an Uber was a mess of sentence fragments and loud laughing between you two. Eventually, Daveed was able to call an Uber. Daveed got in first and you slid in next, leaning against him as the driver pulled off.

“How you feelin’?” Daveed put his arm around you, watching traffic pass out of the window.

Your eyes were closed as you rested your head on his shoulder, the motion of the car soothing your intoxicated mind.

“Really good. I had a lot of fun.”

“Good, because I don’t want you puking on my nice jeans.” Daveed teased, laughing as you hit his leg.

“Fuck off.”

“I’m joking.” He chuckled, rubbing your back.

You traced patterns on his jeans, sitting in comfortable silence as you drove through the city. Soon the car came to a halt and Daveed shook you lightly.

“I think we’re at your place.” He whispered, slowly moving his arm from around you.

You sat up, looking at your apartment building then at Daveed and making an impulse, alcohol-influenced decision.

“You know…you could come in with me.” You purred, moving closer and placing your hand on his thigh.

Daveed looked at your hand, then your face. He leaned in closer to you and you closed your eyes for a kiss. You didn’t expect it to be on your forehead. You opened your eyes and looked at him with furrowed brows.

“As tempting as that is, you’re drunk. Your mind isn’t all the way there and I don’t want to be that guy.”

That was not the response you were expecting. You sat there, replaying the words in your head as Daveed slid your hand off his leg.

“Goodnight Y/N, I’ll see you tomorrow for your tattoo.” Daveed gave you a warm smile as you opened the car door.

“Goodnight Daveed.” You replied, climbing out of the car and grabbing your bag before closing the door.

You made your way to your building, the Uber driving off once Daveed knew you were safely inside. You got into the elevator, clicking the “3” button and leaning on the wall as you ascended. You shouldn’t have been so shocked by what just happened because he was right, you were pretty tipsy though you could still control yourself. You just didn’t expect him to say no. You made your way to your apartment and unlocked the door. You went through the usual routine of tossing down your bag, taking off your shoes and forcing yourself to brush your teeth because if you didn’t you knew you’d hate yourself in the morning for it. You slipped out of your clothes and put threw on your pajamas before collapsing onto your bed. You were asleep within a matter of seconds. 

 “I’m leaving now!” Rafa yelled down the hall, throwing his bag on his back.

“What? We don’t close for another hour.” Daveed pointed out, walking to the front of the shop.

“Well, you said Y/N was coming right?”

“Yeah. Why?” Daveed asked, leaning against the counter.

“I want you to be able to do whatever you want. As long as it’s in your station.” Rafa stressed as Daveed rolled his eyes.

“We aren’t fucking in the parlor Rafa, you’re ridiculous.”

“She basically invited you to smash last night! She wants it, Diggs. I’m just giving you the option to give it to her.” Rafa opened the front door, “Have fun!”

Daveed shook his head as he watched Rafa walk down the block. You turned the corner and saw Rafael coming toward you. He began to smile but then his eyes trailed down your body. He whistled, stopping in front of you.

“Goddamn.”

You blushed, tugging at the end of your dress. You were getting the response you wanted though it wasn’t from your original target.

“You like it?” You spun in a circle slowly, putting a hand on your hip.

“You look really good.” Rafa’s eyes slowly raked over your body again before meeting your eyes.

“Thanks! It’s most convenient outfit for the tattoo I want.”

“And where would this tattoo be?” He said suggestively, raising a brow.

“Not where you think, nasty.” You chuckled and starting walking away towards the parlor.

“I’ll see you later Rafael!”

“Have funnnn!” Rafa chuckled to himself, continuing down the block.

You stopped outside the front door and glanced down at your dress. It was a simple summer dress that stopped a little above your knee but, it fit you in the best way possible. You already made the choice to wear it and now you had to own it. With your head held high you entered the shop, keeping a cool face as Daveed looked over at you. His reaction was almost exactly like Rafa’s, eyes looking everywhere except your face.

“Hey Daveed.” You walked over slowly, confidence increasing with every step toward him.

“Y/N, that dress looks…amazing on you.” Daveed said, his gaze finally meeting yours.

You could tell he wanted to say something else by the way he paused mid-sentence but you’d take what you could get.

“Thank you, I like the tank, it brings attention to your sleeve.” You glanced down at his arms before walking down the hall to his work station.

You could hear Daveed following behind you as you sat down on the chair.

“Alright, let’s hear this amazing tattoo idea.” Daveed sat on his stool, moving closer to you.

“Well, one of my favorite songs by clipping. is Body & Blood. Something about it just makes me feel confident, makes me feel sexy.” You began, crossing your legs which made your dress slide up your thighs a little.

Daveed’s eyes followed the movement before flickering back to you.

“So, what better to do then get a tattoo based on Body and Blood?”

“You want a tattoo based off one of my songs?” Daveed raised a brow.

You nodded.

“Specifically, a diamond tattoo on my upper thigh.” You lifted your hips to pull your dress further up until it was bunched up at your hips, pointing at your right thigh.

Your heart was pounding in your ears, you decided being bold could get you what you wanted. You would either make a huge fool of yourself or you would get what you want. From the look on Daveed’s face, it seems you’d get the latter.

“Wow…Not gonna lie that’s flattering and hot at the same time.” Daveed licked his lips, reaching for some paper.

“How do you want it to look?” He asked, picking up a pencil.

“You’re the artist, what do you think it would look like?”

Daveed thought for a moment before he started drawing. A few minutes passed before he spoke again.

“This is what I had in mind.” Daveed said, holding up the piece of paper.

“Then let’s put it on me.” You leaned back, shifting a bit so you were more comfortable.

Daveed grabbed a disposable razor and ran it over your thigh a few times before wiping your skin clean with an antiseptic wipe. You watched as he made the stencil and transferred it to your skin. Once he finished setting up his equipment, he wheeled himself over and looked up at you.

“You ready?” He asked, tattoo machine roaring to life.

You nodded, not trusting your voice as Daveed’s hand settled onto your thigh. The first line was more of a slight annoyance instead of searing pain because of the adrenaline running through your body. You watched Daveed closely, noticing him trying his best to not stare at your lace panties you intentionally wore for today but you saw his eyes sometimes flicker to them then quickly back to the stencil. You closed your eyes, trying to stop the slight squirm of your hips.

“You’re tensing up, you alright?” Daveed asked, moving to get more ink.

You opened your eyes and looked at him, nodding your head.

“Yeah, sorry, still not used to the feeling I guess.” You laughed weakly.

Daveed seems to buy the excuse because he continued his linework. You took a deep breath in hopes of calming down your hormones but then Daveed’s hand shifted and your thighs involuntarily clenched.

“You sure you’re okay? You’re getting goosebumps.” Daveed looked at you again, an amused look in his eyes.

“Yeah. I-I’m fine. It must be cold or something.” You stammered, heat spreading through your cheek as wetness started settling between your thighs.

Daveed licked his lips, moving away to get more ink.

“Really? Want me to turn up the heat or something?” He offered, starting his work on your thigh again.

“No, it’s fine.”

Daveed nodded, even though his head was mostly down, you swore you could see a smirk on his face.

“You’re handling this a lot better than the first tattoo, not that you were acting horribly during your first tattoo.” Daveed said, wiping the excess ink off your thigh.

“Really?” You looked down at him again.

“Yeah, you were shaking a little last time but this time you’re still. You keep tensing your thighs though, are you ticklish or something?”

You couldn’t tell Daveed that the placement of his hands and his overall existence was making it hard to control your hormones so you went along with it.

“Yep! That’s it. I’m ticklish, sorry I’ll try to relax.”

“Is there any way I can help you relax?” Daveed asked.

Your cheeks flushed as you recognized the suggestive tone he used at the bar last night.

“Uh…” You struggled to come up with a response, his words from last night replaying in your head.

“I’ve been told I’m good with control. In many different settings.”

You swallowed thickly, squirming again under his gaze. His eyes drifted to your chest for a second, a smug look forming on his face before he looked you in the eyes again. Without another word, he went back to doing your tattoo as if nothing ever happened. A few minutes of silence passed and Daveed put down the machine.

“You’re all done, Y/N.” Daveed said as he cleaned up the tattoo and you peeked at it, a wide smile appearing on your face.

“It’s as sexy as I thought it would be.”

“I have to agree with that.” Daveed said, securing the bandage with tape.

“You think it’s sexy?” You sat up, lifting your leg so he could reach under it.

“Of course, it’s my design on a beautiful woman. Who’s in a really sexy dress that I’m assuming isn’t everyday wear.”

As Daveed leaned in closer to you, you leaned back until you were laying on the chair again. You felt cornered but, you liked it. You liked the way he was looking at you with intense eyes, that taunting smirk returning to his features.

“So, I’ll ask again. Is there anything I can do to help you relax?”

Your thighs clenched again, another wave of arousal hitting you from his words.

“I-I can think of a few things.”

“Then, tell me what it is. What do you want, Y/N?”

“You.” You blurted before you started second guessing your decision.

Daveed’s eyes traveled down your body again before he reached behind you and pulled a lever. Slowly the chair flattened until you were parallel to the floor.

“We’re limited due to your tattoo but I know something I can still do.” Daveed walked to the opposite end of the chair, near your legs.

“You sure you’re okay with this?” Daveed asked again, looking at you.

You spread your legs slightly in response and Daveed wasted no time grabbing your hips and pulling you down until you were at the edge of the chair. He started to sink to his knees to he could settle between your legs when he suddenly stood back up.

“Hold on.” Daveed walked out of the room and to the front of the shop. During his absence you carefully slid off your panties, tossing them onto your bag. Daveed made sure the shop was empty before locking the front door and making his way back to his station.

“Eager, are we?” Daveed raised a brow as he walked back into the room, noticing your lack of underwear.

“Should I put them back on?” You teased, watching Daveed sink down to his knees in front of you again.

“I think we both know you don’t want to do that, do you?” He asked, lips ghosting over your inner thigh.

You shook your head no, watching as his hands carefully moved to your hips. He kissed up your thigh slowly, getting closer to where you desperately wanted him but then skipping over to your other thigh instead. You bit your lip, trying to be patient as Daveed sucked a hickey onto your inner thigh. He bit lightly after he was done, once again moving towards your core. You held your breath as he got close but once again he skipped over it, nipping at your thigh and leaving another hickey. You whined softly, feeling him smile against your thigh.

“Tease.” You mumbled, looking down at him.

He sent a wink your way before using one of his thumbs to slowly rub your clit. You let your head fall back onto the chair, sighing in relief.

“So this is why you kept squirming. Couldn’t handle sitting in your own wetness?” Daveed looked up at you, watching your blissed out face.

You didn’t answer, your mind focused on his quickening movements instead of trying to form a response.

“Keep your hips still, or I’ll stop.” Daveed commanded, his grip on one of your thighs tightening.

“S-Sorry.” You stuttered, gasping as tongue replaced his thumb.

Daveed sucked lightly on your clit, flicking it with his tongue before moving down to your folds. You reached down and fisted his hair, pulling whenever he hummed and sent vibrations through your body.

“Fuck.” You mewled, thanking God that Rafael had left the parlor because you weren’t doing anything to quiet your moans.

Daveed’s tongue went back to toying with your clit as he slowly slid a finger into you. He curled it slightly, moving at a pace that was torturous.

“F-faster, please.” You sighed, moaning as he added another finger and pulled his face away from your thighs.

“Who’s in control?” He husked, moving his fingers even slower.

“Y-You are, Daveed.”

“That’s right. I control the pace. I control your pleasure. I control when you get to come. What do you do?” He asked, curling his fingers and moving them faster.

You struggled to answer him as he reached your g-spot.

“Y/N.” He said, his stern tone bringing you back into reality.

“I-I submit to your control.”

“Good girl. Submit.”

“Submit…” You repeated as Daveed’s head returned to its place between your legs.

“Submit…submit…” You repeated between mewls and moans.

Daveed let his thumb replace his tongue as he pulled back to watch your face. Your eyes glazed over, lips slightly parted, repeating his words with a blank expression on your face. He kept watching as his fingers increased in speed, your legs quaking as your orgasm started to build.

“F-Fuck, Daveed I-, fuck!” You cried out, digging your nails into the chair under you as he increased the speed of his fingers again.

He was loving watching you fall apart under him; loved watching as everything you tried to say turned into an expletive, watching you claw at the chair under you, watching as you lost all self-control and your hips started bucking on their own.

“C-Close.” was all you could utter before Daveed’s head was buried between your legs again, lapping at your folds.

“Come.” Daveed growled, the vibrations pushing you over the edge.

You gripped his hair tightly, thighs tensing around his head as you came. Daveed sucked on your clit softly, aiding you through your orgasm. Slowly your thighs relaxed and your legs felt like jello as you let them collapse. Daveed moved back, standing up and licking his lips. Daveed grabbed some paper towels and cleaned you up before wiping his face clean. By the time you caught your breath, he was sitting on his stool holding out your panties and a bottle of water.

“Thanks.” You said, taking your panties and carefully putting them on, “Is the tattoo okay?”

Daveed glanced at your thigh before nodding.

“You’re good, I made sure not to fuck it up.”

You took the bottle of water, taking a small sip before putting it down. You tried to stand up but your legs weren’t quite ready yet.

“Woah! I gotcha.” Daveed caught you, helping you stand up straight.

“Thanks.” You whispered, tugging your dress down over your ass again.

“You’re welcome.” Daveed replied, his arms still around you.

There was silence for a moment before you looked at him, surprised to find that he was already looking at you, his eyes moving to your lips then back to your eyes. You leaned in first, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer. Daveed followed your lead, leaning in until your lips met in a short kiss. He pulled away slightly, searching your face for any discomfort before going in for a longer one. Your fingers found their way into his hair again, your touch gentle this time around. Daveed slid his hands from your waist to your ass, squeezing lightly which made you giggle into the kiss. You pulled back, looking at him with a wide smile.

“I think we did that backward. Typically you kiss before you go down on someone.” You joked, moving your hand out of Daveed’s hair.

“Well, I guess we aren’t typical.” Daveed chuckled, letting you go.

You picked up your bag, grabbing one of the aftercare packets on his station. He walked with you to the front door, unlocking it for you. You kissed his cheek before exiting onto the street.

“Oh, Y/N.” Daveed said, leaning on the doorway.

You turned around to face him.

“Yeah?”

“Call me when that tattoo heals.” He winked, giving you a sly smile.

You smirked, rolling your eyes playfully as you walked off. Of course when the time came around, you would definitely call him.

[parkji-hoons]

I’M A REALLY LUCKY PERSON

KCON AUSTRALIA EXPERIENCE!! Okay I’m home and I finally have time to write this and it’s gonna be suuuuuuupppperrrrr long bc a lot of crazy shit happened to me alksjfsfdhkjsfh also sorry no gifs bc I don’t have time rn but I will later in the week I promise!!! Also if anyone has any questions about the whole thing Im gonna open up asks for a few days so just hmu (I swear though if y'all send hate I’m gonna delete it so)

Day 1

Okay admittedly day 1 was really boring for me since I didnt go to the concert that day and had no artist engagements or anything (also the convention itself was really shite like I lined up almost an hour and a half for a small ass room that I barely stayed 5mins in) also the entire thing was very disorganised and I wasted a lot of my time tbh. But then I went to meet up with some mutuals (shout out to @minhwangs @yoonjsung @jaehwn ily guys) at circular quay and it was so lucky that the moment I stepped out of the train station they were heading my way and we met up real quick. Then they told me that I literally just missed seeing WJSN and like I was ofc sad but I also didnt really stan so I didnt really mind that much. We stayed in that spot just talking when I noticed a group of girls lining up to get ice cream and boiiii these girls were literally GLOWINGGG then Debbie (@jaehwn ) noticed me looking behind her and she was like holy thats WJSN and they all literary just walked past us like the angels they are. THWY WERE LIKE NOT EVEN A METRE AWAY FROM US AND THEYRE LITERALLY SO SO BEAUTIFUL LIKE OHMYGODD THEYRE SO CUTE LGJWJHSJASJ. Also a lot smaller than I expected but GDI wowowowowow and yeah that was basically the start of my lucky streak.

Day 2

OKAY THIS IS WHEN SHIT HAPPENNNNSSSSSS. Honestly I felt so so so unlucky tbh bc my friend and I fell asleep on the train and ended up missing our stop and went to god knows where so we were late and shit but like still relatively early but yeah we got there at around 9ish and I went to go collect my benefits cuz I got p1 but yeah I got red carpet for that night, an up10tion audience, a WJSN audience and a monsta x hi touch. Honestly lowkey disappointed I didnt get any wanna one but like I was grateful for the rest anyway (plus hi I love Monsta X) but my friend got a wanna one audience and she said she would give it to me (bless her). After that we went around trying to find people who wanted to go see WJSN or up10tion bc like even tho I like those groups Im not SUPER into them so I’d rather just give them to really big fans of them you Know? I literally made two peoples day but not asking for money or a trade for them to see their bias groups and literally they were so shocked I didnt ask for anything but like i just wanted it to go to someone who actually REALLY liked the group you know since I didnt really know know them (bc like if someone got wanna one hi touch but didnt like them as much like I’d love for them to give it to me bc theyre my bias group you know?). I also went around trying to trade my MX hi touch for wanna one but it was literally impossible but I also didnt really mind bc I love MX soooooooo. After that I met with Debbie again and she also didnt get wanna one benefits and we tried for so long to swap but no one would but like ehhhhh we both were gonna see MX so. We kinda just went in to the queue for the convention after that but not even to like go see the convention but for the kcon goodie bags that we were supposed to get and holy that took so damn long lrnekabjhwjhw after that I was like checking fb if anyone was wanting a MX hi touch for wanna one and someone posted that they would trade it but also wanted some money but like max I would go would’ve been $50 so I sent an offer and PRAYED to the gods no one else would make a higher one AND THEY ANSWERED MY PRAYWRS MAN SHE AGREED WITH THE TRADE AND I JUST OHMYGOD I WAS GONNA MEET WANNA ONE I WANTED TO CRYYYYYY AND I WAS LIKE DEBBIE THAT MEANS YOU CAN GO TOO BC I STILL HAD THE WANNA ONE AUDIENCE AND WE WERE LITERALLT SO SOSOSOSOOSOSO HAPPY I WAS SO LUCKY OHMYGODDDDDDDD.

Meeting Wanna One

OKAY SO HERE’S WHERE SHIT REALLY WENT DOWN. So while Monsta X was having their m&g ofc all of the people going to the wanna one m&g were like ‘let’s line up’ and at this time it was like 1pm-ish? WE WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO BE QUEUEING UNTIL LIKE 3.45PM AND ENTRY WAS ACTUALLY AT 5PM SO I LITERALLY WAITED IN LINE FOR 5 HOURS IN 35 DEGREE DIRECT HEAT I ALMOST DIED HOLY. But I made quite a few friends in line and we got up to a ton of shit (may or mayn’t have turned one of the security guards into a wannable….his bias may or may not have been daehwi…(bonus: we gave him a banner and at the actual m&g the same security guard was standing by the door where wanna one was gonna come through and he was holding the banner akajflkjshflkj it was really cute). 

Anyways, so after 5hours we finally went into the room and holy shit I managed to get front row somehow??? rip though bc I was on the opposite side of where jihoon was but LIKE STILL FRONT FUCKING ROW?!??!?!?! HOW LUCKY AM I WTF.  So after getting inside we had to wait another 30mins until they actually you know, came but during that time they were playing the album so everyone just jammed (except for when always was playing in that case everyone sobbed while singing) but yeah after 30mins WANNA ONE CAME OUT AND JUST HOLY SHIT THEY ARE LITERALLY SO BLOODY GORGEOUS IRL AKJLDFNLKASFJGN I CANT EVEN DESCRIBE BUT I WAS AWESTRUCK I COULDNT FILM IT PROPERLY MY HANDS WERE SHAKING THE ENTIRE TIME BUT THEY ARE LITERALLY STUNNING. 

SO THEY ALL DID THEIR INTROS AND SHIT THEN IT WAS TIME FOR THE HITOUCH AND OHYMGOD I LITERALLY DIDN’T THINK MY LUCK COULD GET ANY FUCKING BETTER BUT APPARENTLY IT COULD?????? 

WHEN IT WAS MY TURN I SUDDENLY GAINED THIS WEIRD AMOUNT OF CONFIDENCE AND ACTUALLY SAID THINGS TO THME LIKE OHMYGOD. FIRST WAS GUANLIN. THIS BOI HOT DAMN IS TALL AF LIKE HOW DID YOU ONLY TURN 16 YOU ARE SO FUCKING TALL NOT TO MENTION REALLY DAMN HANDSOME LIKE BRO. I SAID HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO HIM WHEN I WAS HIGH FIVING HIM AND HE JUST SMILED AND NODDED AND NEXT WAS ONG AND I WAS LIKE HIIIIII AND HE WAS LIKE HIII~~ AND GRINNED AT ME AND JUST ONG MAN HE’S LITERALLY MODEL LIKE GORGEOUS THE DAMN VISUALS WTF. 

OKAY SO NEXT IS THE GREATEST FUCKING MOMENT OF MY LIFE AND NOTHING COULD EVER COMPARE TO THIS MOMENT. EVER. IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO MEET JIHOON (if y’all new and don’t know I have literally been screaming about holding park jihoons hand since pd101 days and my hands are literally shaking at me remembering that I HAVE HELD HIS HAND MISSION FUCKING ACCOMPLISHED I CAN DIE HAPPY). Park Jihoon. Where do I start? he is literally so so so so pretty. I almost melted and I think I stopped breathing when I looked into his eyes I’m not even lying idk how I was able to function BC HE LOOKED STRAIGHT BACK INTO MINE. BY SOME KIND OF MIRACLE I MANGED TO JUST BLURT OUT ‘I LOVE YOU!’ TO HIM AND I ENDED UP KIND OF TAKING A HOLD OF HIS HAND INSTEAD OF JUST HIGH FIVING AND JUST HE SEEMED REALLLLLY SURPRISED AND HIS MOUTH KINDA DROPPED? LIKE HE JUST SEEMED LIKE HE DIDNT EXPECT IT BUT AT THIS POINT I NEEDED TO START MOVING TO DAEHWI OR ELSE THE SEVURITY WAS GOING TO RUSH ME BUT LIKE A SECOND BEFORE MY HAND LEFT HIS JIHOON WAS LIKE ‘ I LOVE YOU~~~’ AND BOI. I. FUCKING. DIED. I COULDNT THINK STRAIGHT LIKE DID HE JUST SAY THAT? DID HE ACTUALLY. JUST TELL ME HE LOVED ME? HONESTLY I STILL DON’T BELIEVE IT HAPPEND AND IM JUST AKFGHJLKAJFHGNEJRFEBH???!?!?!?!??!?! The only thing that actually confirmed he said it was daehwis face bc he like looked at jihoon sorta shocked too like mouth dropped type thing and just ohmygod I could go on and on but I won’t bc theres still 8 members left lisfhiesfjcoiehnf.

alright so next was daehwi. STILL had his mouth opened by the time I fully got to him but he managed to smile at me and I was like ‘ HOW ARE YOU?’ bc he is my son and I need to make sure he’s doing well you know? and he was like ‘I’m good!!’ but I think I took too long bc security sort of pushed me a bit to go quicker (props bc I was still like not moving bc wtf jihoon) but yes jinyoung HIS HEAD REA;;Y IS DAMN SMALL BUT HE IS REALLY HANDSOME LIKE WOWOWOWOWOWOWOW YOU ARE SO CUTE LIKE WTF. 

At this point security actually pushed me to move on but they did it like while I was already starting to say HI to Daniel but since I was pushed it like came out louder than I expected (like a hiIIii) and Daniel was so startled he literally took a step back before just smiling at me and it was so funny bc jisung low-key laughed at him and it was really cute. 

With Jisung I was like ‘THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EVERYTHING’ bc he needs to know he is appreciated like YOON JISUNG WE ALL LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOU BOI PLS ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT but he like did that pouty face thing that he does when he wants to show that he’s grateful/touched idk but like he squints his eyes and pouts and nodded his head at me and SQUEEZED MY HAND LIKE HOT DAMN JAKFJFMERJ. ALSO CAN I JUST SAY THATT THIS BOI IS SO MUCH MORE HANDSOME UP CLOSE LIKE HE LOOKS SO DAMN GOOD ON SHOWS AND FANCAMS AND SHIT BUT HOLY SHIT UP CLOSE IT’S LIKE X1102399014839573827569287 LIKE HE IS GORGEOUS DO NOT BELIEVE ANYONE WHO THINKS OTHERWISE OKAY!

NEXT UP WAS SUNGWOON AND HE’S NOT THAT  SHORT GUYS LIKE COME ON (side note: most of them were actually shorter than I expected but since I expected sungwoon to be like SHORT he was taller than I expected lmao) but by this time security was like HURRY TF UP so I was just like hiiiii and he just smiled at me and I did the same with jaehwan and he smiled and was like ‘HI HI’ and just akljfghlkajfhgimerhfiefm jaehwan wtf. 

up next was the bias wrecker. Park Woojin. ngl I planned on pretending to high five woojin b4 dabbing to prove I don’t swerve but before I could I was like hii!!! and he fucking grinned at me and showed off his snaggletooth and BOIIIIII HE IS SO FUCKIG CHARMING WTF. ALL THOUGHTS OF DABBING LEFT MY MIND AND I ENDED UP GRIPPING HIS HAND BC I WAS LIKE I NEED SUPPORT IM GOING TO MELT OTHERWISE BC PARK WOOJINS SMILE IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL ( I swear I didn’t swerve….maybe for like 0.0005s). last but not least mr. hwang minhyun. HIS. VISUALS. ARE. SO. BEAUTIFUL. HE WAS DRESSED ALL CUTELY AND HE WAS SO PROPER LIKE HE WAS DASHING AND BEAUTIFUL WOWOWOOWOW WHEN I GREETED HIM HE SMILED AT ME AND BOWED AND SAID HI BACK ADN IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT. after that I kinda…..skipped off stage…I was so high man I was on cloud 9 I literally could not believe that all happened in a span of like max 2 mins and I feel like I was going to collapse but hands were still shaking so much alkjhifrbhureih. 

ANYWAYS after my mini break down, I gathered myself and went back to join the crowd and listen to their ending speech thingo (by this time I was at the back rip but still pretty close) We weren’t allowed phones while meeting them so I shoved it in my bag ad wasn’t able to video this but when they were about to do their last greeting all of the fans started singing happy birthday for guanlin and it was literally the cutest thing to watch their reactions bc they were all so shocked!! LIKE GUANLINS EYES WIDENED AND ALL OF THE OTHER MEMBERS SUDDENLY LIKE SNAPPED THEIR HEADS TO THE CROWD THEY WERE SHOOKT AND IT WAS SO CUTE BUT THEN THEY ALL STARTED CLAPPING ALONG AND SMILING REAL BIG WHILE WE ALL SANG AND WHEN IT ENDED THE MC (KEVIN FROM UKISS) WAS LIKE AWWW HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GUANLIN WHEN IS IT? (something along those lines) and guanlin was like lol it’s today but yeah after that heartwarming scene they did their greeting and left and we all started leaving too bc most of us needed to go line up for the red carpet.

(ALSO SOMEONE GOT A PHOTO OF MY SAYING I LOVE YOU TO JIHOON AND ME MEETING DAEHWI, IF YOU WANNA SEE SEND ME AN ASK, I WONT POST IT NOW BC IDK IF PEOPLE WANNA SEE LOL)

Red Carpet

Yo lemme tell y'all the line for the p1 red carpet was sooooo fucking long like holy shit HOW WERE ALL THESE PEOPLE GONNA FIT IN THAT TINY ASS ROOM and since I lined up so late bc the queue started really early and the wanna one m&g ended late I was towards the very back and I couldn’t really see anything (sad) but yeah basically only sf9, up10tion, WJSN and Monsta X went and a lotttt of fans got mad bc wanna one didn’t go akjsfmejfhoisenfu but it wasn’t like we could do anything about it like ??!??!?!! but I get it esp if they didn’t get to attend the m&g but yeah I can’t talk about it much bc I couldn’t see much rip soz it’s pretty like simple tho? they introduce the act, the act gets on stage then stays there for a bit introduces the group then leaves and the next group comes in and etc. what kinda sucked tho was like lining up to get into the concert venue bc of everyone pushing and shit it was so damn annoying.

Concert

CONCERT TIME YO. Okay first off, THOSE OPENING ACTS LIKE SHOUT OUT TO YOU GUYS YOU WERE FUCKIGN AMAZING HOLY SHITLJAHKCFJME ALso I’m really sorry but the SF9, Up10tion and WJSN parts of this are going to be really short mostly bc I wasn’t actually that big of a fan (like I only really knew their titles songs and didn’t even know the members names I’m so sorry!!) of those groups b4 this concert so I don’t know much and can’t talk a lot about them but what I can say is IVE BEEN CONVERTED BC THEIR STAGES WERE FUCKING AMAZING!!! ALSO SHOUT OUT TO THAT DUDE FROM SF9 WHO KEPT WAVING AT ME AND THREW A HEART AT ME BEING A HYPER PERSON IN THE CROWD LIKE BOI IDK YOU BUT YOU MY BIAS. But literally they all performed soooooo damn well and just WJSN is after my heart (esp when they played secret).

The highlight performances for me though were definitely wanna one and monsta x. wanna one mostly bc like hi you my bias group also THEY ARE FUCKING GOOD AT WHAT THEY DO MAN LIKE DAEHWIS LIVE VOICE HOLY SHIT ALSO JAEHWANS VOICE LIKE WE ALL KNOW IT’S GODLIKE BUT HEARING IT LIVE LIKE WTFFFFFFFFF. I LITERALLY COULDNT EVEN RECORD ANYTHING BC MY PHONE DIED AND I WAS REALLY SAD BUT LIKE HOT DAMNNNNNNNNNN THEY WERE AMAZING. ALSO WHEN THEY WERE GETTING INTO POSITIONS FOR BURN IT UP THERE WAS LIKE A SPLIT SECOND OF SILENCE AND I SCREAMED OUT ‘PAARRRRKKKK JIIIIHOOOOONNNNN’ SO LOUD THA T THE GIRL NEXT TO ME MOVED AWAY AND JIHOON LOOJED UP I WAS SHOOK (I apologised so much to the girl and she laughed it off but still moved away rip) also I’m not even gonna talk about piñata time bc there was too much shit going on there and my friend got decent fancams so I’ll gif later but SOMEONE TELL JIHOON TO STOP SOMEONE TELL GUANLIN THE FLOOR IS DIRTY SOMEONE TELL ONG NO AND SOMEONE REMIND JISUNG THAT HE IS THE CUTEST BEAN EVER (also stop park woojins sexy dance 2k17 thanks) but minhyun waved at me during piñata time and I love him for it. We also all sang happy birthday to guanlin again and I will never ever get tired of seeing that boy all happy and smiley I hope he enjoyed his birthday with us!!!

OKAY MONSTA X THO DEFS TOOK STAGE OF THE NIGHT LIKE BOISSSS. THEY BLOODY OWNED THAT STAGE. THEIR STAGE PRESENCE IS NO FUCKING JOKE LIKE HOLY HELL EVERYONE WAS LIKR REALLLLLLYYYY INTO IT (like people were going W I L D but like for wanna one they did to but it was more of like fangirl W I L D. for monsta x it was like jamming head banging move your body W I L D it was literally amazing). THEY PERFORMED EX GIRL WHICH IS LITERALLY ONE OF MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE SONGS EVER AND JUST HOLY SHIT I WAS SOBBING WHILE SINGING IT AND WAVING SOME GOLD STREAMERS AROUND LIKE CRAZY AND KIHYUN NOTICED ME AND LAUGHED AT ME AND IT WAS SO CUTE. ALSO HOW WAS THAT GIRL WHO GOT LUCKY ENOOUGH TO BE PROPOSED TO BY MONSTA X NOT DEAD ON THE FLOOR? I WAS ON THE GROUND THE MOMENT CHANGKYUN SAID ANGEL LIKE HOLY SHIT YOU GOT SERENADED BY KIHYUN AND WONHO LEGIT WENT DOWN TO TAKE A SELFIE WITH YOU AND HUGGED YOU GIRL HOW ARE YOU ALIVE (admittedly she did like have a fan with shownus face on it and he didn’t participate in the proposals rip but still) anyways STAGES WERE FUCKING LIT ALSO WONHO YOU HOE SOMEONE STOP THAT GUY.

okay so after monsta x it was like the part where all of the groups come out again and shit and I ended up front row of the very side and wanna one came and stood there and I was legit right in front of Daniel woojin and jaehwan and the girls around me were trying to get their attention and were screaming their names and shit and I was like hmmmmm what should I do?? so I like made a heart with my arms like hands on head type heart and kinda just started stoically at woojin NOT THINKING HE WOULD NOTICE ME BUT ALKJHLCEKJNFSEJFHGBOSUIB HE FUCKING DID AND IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST AWKWARD AND FUNNIEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE HOLYSHIT IT WAS LIKE WE MADE EYE CONTACT AND HE STARED FOR A BIT LIKE WTF AND I FALTERED AND GAVE AN AWKWARD SMILE AND HE STARTED TO LAUGH A LIL AND I DIDN’T NOTICE BUT DANIEL SAW TOO AND HE TURNED TO WOOJIN AND THEY LAUGHED TOGETHER THEN OUT OF NO WHERE STARTED DOING THIS WEIRD DANCE THEN AFTERWARDS I NOTICED JAEHWAN STARING AT ME WITH COMPLETE JUDGEMENT ON HIS FACE AJMIRENJFOEGHU THE DICK BEFORE I WAS SHOVED AWAY BY A GIRL NEXT TO ME BUT YEAH THAT HAPPENED WOOPS.

basically it was one of the most amazing days of my life I not only got to meet and high five my ult bias group and see various amazing performances by all of the artists, I also was able to make new friends and meet my mutuals here and it was just sososososo amazing Im literally so grateful for everything and everyone and I was just realllly lucky I hope everyone gets to experience this bc I’m so happy rn and I hope everyone will be this happy at least once in their lives too!!!! and just I literally not even two months ago was totally convinced id never meet jihoon and hold his hand but IT HAPPENED so anyone who tells me it won’t happen to them I call bullshit bc I was literally saying that a month ago and it fucking happened to me so it’ll happen to you guys too I’m just saying!!!

also if you read up to here you’re a legend and I love you :D

[sanguinesprout]

Therapy/Counselling Diary #9 (and some silly but blah but good bits)

Weeeeeelp. As usual this session was uhhhh... *blank blank* I literally blank loads while in the actual session and feel like I totally have to wing my responses every single time in a slight panic (probably cause I’m not used to getting up early and am lacking sleep, also because I’m just really slow in general hahaha ugh). I’m still dying of lack of sleep idk if I can write right now so imma write out some real quick notes to go off and help jog my memory later before I forget anymores. Phew, wracked my brains all I can, time to go laze around and zzzzz... Okay slept some and shopped some and slept some more, time to write! Just get the main things down hoo!

About last weeks attempts at helping at front of shop, I kinda just observed instead, at first kinda just sat and shrank down out of view and no one really said anything to me, though I’m sure they noticed me lol. I managed to make a short convo with one customer with some general small talk stuff like the weather, where you work and stuff (yay?!) and then totally blanked so hard and welp, awkward silence (not yay!). I’m glad I tried and even my dad was impressed because usually I try so hard to avoid being seen by any customers and just don’t talk much to anyone. Felt kinda good but I got scared a bit and didn’t try that much afterwards, boo.

On another day I stood around eating fruit and helping set up stuff on my mum’s phone and said hello and bye to some customers which felt much more sort of natural in a way. Like because I was already doing something and not just sitting waiting and doing absolutely nothing else but looking awks as hell and stuff, so the conversation (or greeting in this case) was just the secondary focus. But... maybe people felt less inclined to talk to me properly because they can see I’m slightly occupied, that’s kind of bad sigh... I mean I’m glad I tried more than once, though I know I could’ve tried much much harder but I guess that’s what this week is about *wails and flails*

The counsellor said that it’s fine that conversation fades out, it’s natural and the customer only spends so long in the shop waiting for their order and has to go anyways. Also the more you try, the more you’ll ask and get to know about the customer (especially regulars), the general small talk might become more personal and specific over time and your knowledge base of general conversational content will grow. You could even lighten up things with small playful jokes and compliments. Like with everything, I always forget you have to start somewhere, start out small, baby steps and the like.

When I told her some customers knew me, as they had seen me when I was little (yeah, wow, it was so nice being young and not so afraid of people then or afraid of being recognised I guess *cry*) but I felt awkward as I don’t know them, she said to note that they said it in a positive way and take it as a compliment that they actually remember you and to reply you could just say thank you or even joke it up a little. Wow, it’s easy to miss nice things when you’re all fogged up with worry. Most people don’t remember a lot from when they’re little anyways too so I shouldn’t feel bad about it. I usually just kind of do that little smiley laugh but the powers of awk are always by my side, my faithful sidekick that helps me do my ultimate awk situation special move um, yay. 

I gotta let myself know that it’s okay, not to overthink and such as always. I did alright, I did good and I should use this to motivate me to try even more. Easier said then done huff, as usual I feel time and opportunity is slipping away so quickly. She noted that we only have 2 sessions left (that makes 11 in total haha how strange, I guess the first one kind of didn’t count maybe) so I really need to get stuff done so that when I am done seeing her and am left to my own devices, I’ll actually know what to do and won’t just stop trying and fall into the same slump as before. 

When you try, not a moment is wasted because you are doing and you are learning, but if you don’t try then nothing is learned and then it’s wasteful. Oh! ‘Nothing ventured, nothing gained’ hah! As with all quotes I happen to remember, I hope I’m using it right lol. I’m gonna try commit it to memory some more along with the rest of the stuff I sometime think to motivate myself, my derpy mantras that I also often forget lolol.

I also talked about how I went out shopping even more lately, that I was getting even less conscious of others and the irrational thoughts in that kind of setting. Repeated doing of something it always makes it easier, ‘it begins to feel like second nature’ is the phrase she used. I still feel uncomfortable at times and worry a lot when out but it’s true, if you just go and get on with what you’re doing, your focus is on that and everything else fades into the background where it should be.

She noticed I had a bag of some stuff I wanted to return to a shop and she asked how I was going to go about it. I said I was unsure if I wanted to return it even though it was not right for me, because I felt I hassled the shop keeper a lot, and felt bad about it. But the thing is, the thing isn’t right for me so there is no point in me keeping it, the shopkeeper is fine with me returning it, ‘no obligations’ is even what he said (lol), they’re professional, their feelings wouldn’t be hurt, and that’s why I decided to return it. 

In more hypothetical-ness I kind of said that I would say something like ‘the thing just isn’t for me, maybe I’ll come back another time/look at something else’ or w/e or maybe she asked what I would do in that situation if they wanted to be more salesperson-y and she asked is that really what I wanted and I was like ‘tbh no, I don’t want to look at anymore of their stuff, I want to go elsewhere and look’ and she was telling me to ‘stick to my guns’ and ‘be adamant on your first choice’ kind of thing and she’s right, there’s no point in me lying because I feel bad about it, they have plenty of other customers too and probably lots of them return things, it’s no big deal. There was some talk about customer rights and watching and learning how they handle things being useful to my own retail skill pursuits too.

When I actually actually went and returned the stuff (it’s shoes btw and they were uncomfortable, I keep beating around the bush about specifics again why why why? .__. ugh) the shopkeeper was totally chill, he has been every time I went to the shop and the refund was done super quick, no hurt feelings (lol seriously I don’t even know why I think like this, but even my mum was saying it feels bad with all the hassle, but I’m glad I didn’t let her words sway my decision) and he was still super friendly and reassuring (’oh no no, it’s fine, don’t worry about it’ c:). Tbh I already knew everything was going to be okay, it’s my sucky mind as always (and it’s just that sometimes diff employees were there instead of him and they were much less friendly and helpful, I was glad they weren’t serving that day lol, I hope that doesn’t sound too mean ack ><)

She talked a little about how irrational thoughts are totally normal and that everyone has them, it’s just that different people handle them differently and some people can become trapped in them while others don’t let them have their way so easily or at all. Also she asked about how much progress I think I’ve made and I said something lame I forgot and she said that she thinks I’ve done great and where I am now and how I am now is much different to how I was when she first saw me. She praised me a little more and told me I undermine myself a lot. I do see it too, I have been trying even though at times I felt it didn’t go right or wasn’t enough, but I have learned things and I have changed somewhat. Understanding yourself and your thoughts, it definitely  helps getting past them and challenging them a little easier.

For next week she wants me to write down a recap of everything I’ve learned so far eek..! Writing down stuff irl is so hard for me, all the writing I’ve done irl so far feels really half assed and bleh because feelings and stuff and ahhhh... I need to get over it, just do it! I also have a sheet similar to the thoughts and emotions sheet but a with more detailed columns that I have to fill in (the columns are like: situation, feelings, thoughts, evidence supporting thoughts, evidence against, actual facts and you score how much you felt it was going to be and how much it actually turns out being). I have a chance to redo the small amount of last minute scrawl I did on last week’s one, I’m nervous gdi, maybe I should write this situation as the first thing... not really... or should I? >< I really need to get out of the habit of putting off and leaving things last minute @x@

Also another main main thing I need to do is to help out in the shop for reals this time, like physically doing stuff and getting much more involved with chatting. Imma dieeeee.... no no, I’ll be okay, I gotta do it! I mean, I can do it! The first few steps are always the hardest, just try your best, go for it, yolo! ^^” I hope I’ll have enough to talk about and write about next time, c’mon hoo!

In non therapy related stuff, I spent some time with my sis and her bf. Went to a big shopping centre semi-unplanned, unfortunately on a day where I was super ill (like gut cramping run to the toilet and die there for like half an hour ill) but I got past that and it was pretty good! I felt like a total burden, at times I felt self-conscious as usual, but nowhere near the amount I would have some while before or the amount I thought I would if I didn’t go. Ohh! Damn, maybe I should write this on that sheet lol this is a prime example of proving myself/my thoughts wrong. 

I felt kind of brave that day, going out when usually I would have avoided it, I mean I actually had a reason to, but I didn’t let it or a lot of my bad feelings get in the way and the experience was useful and nice and something I’d really been wanting. I saw some nice things and took photos of some nice things too, I even found some shoes that were comfy but didn’t buy them... but there’s always next time! I’m definitely going again! Shopping is fun! Taking photos is fun! (even though I missed a few opportunities, but next time imma get em!) ^^ If only I wasn’t poor... but that’s what jobs are for and that’s my goal! All the more reason to be motivated about it >:D Somehow this doesn’t sound to good, but uh, whatever works! xD

I also went to my sis’ house and the supermarket some as an unplanned evening trip and did a little crafty stuff. I’m still working on the same project since a while back but like with everything else I’m learning as I go, baby steps some more! ^^ I still have to go to the post office again, I kinda avoided going today but imma do it all on my own again tomorrow. I also emailed some sellers online and asked about some products I was interested in. Sounds lame but I was chickening out on doing so for a long time, it turned out fine, was my silly thoughts and anxieties acting up. Phoned to ask about some post related stuff too (I can’t remember if I wrote this in the last post lol). I was trying to find a way to email to avoid phoning but there was no such thing and I thought, well just stop messing around and just do itttt! It was fine, I mean I awked a lot but at least I got my answer! I did it yay! More examples of doing and disproving my own idiocy! XD

Hmm.. hmmm this post, is it finished? LOL. I only wrote very few notes, but I’m glad I did because it helped me write and recall stuff. I’m a little sad I didn’t use food emojis and a bullet pointy style like last time haha. Ahhh ack! a scary sound just came from the wall wtf wtf wtf?! My heart just leapt out ahhh ;_____; I think I’ll go hide now... x^x No no, need to go do some useful stuff! 

When I started this post I kept thinking of it as a chore and kind if wanted to skip out on it, but I did it yay! (Per usual lol) I collected up all that useful and motivational stuff and now I’m pumped! Man I’m so nauseous and I think my writing came out real ditsy again and feel like I wanna edit it to hell but at the same time I cba and want to do other stuff like artsy things that I’ve also been putting off like hell, I seriously have the energy and motivation of a rock most of the time. W/e there’s no need to fuss over the post, it’s fine (I hope lol) and it’s okay to have some down time when needed. There’s no time like the present! Time to go do stuff!

Have a noice evening! Go go! ^^

[billy-batson]

Here

prompts: i ran away from home and knocked on the wrong door but you want to take me in anyway au (from this list of prompts) AND 7. The characters are forced to share a bed. (from this list of prompts)

pairing: jughead jones x reader

rating: t

word count: 4.7k

warnings: running away, bad family situation, parents issues, fluff, bed sharing

a/n: kinda deviating from the prompt tbh…also! this is my first time writing him and im probably gonna be writing him a lot tbh…this fic is ….i felt the need to have something to Relate To so if u know me u will probably understand what i mean…anyhow!! feedback is my life, please tell me if you enjoyed it !!

tagging: @harringtonmaximoff @abigailzwalker @emmcfrxst @archieandrewws @forsythe–jones @karazorelsgf @rinzlxr @jubillee @icepeters-book-trash @whoaheather @jugheadjones-iii

The night air was brisk as your feet hit the ground, your legs already hustling you away from the only home that you had ever known.

Your peers had always maintained healthy relationships with their parents, and you never understood how. You never understood how one’s mother could be so kind and sweet all the time. You never understood how one’s father could actually love you in a way that a father should. You never understood how people could enjoy having their parents around, to enjoy their company. You never understood how someone could even handle staying in the same room as their parents; that’s how bad it was. You never understood any of it, and you knew that you never would.

You had probably always been planning for this exact moment – when you would finally, finally leave. You had hoped to just stick it out; to wait until you were eighteen, and move in with a friend or something. You had hoped that you would last that long.

But now that you were sixteen, still two years off from that fated day of emancipation, you knew that you couldn’t stay any longer. It had gotten to be too much, all of it. You couldn’t stay there for one more minute, otherwise you just knew, in your heart of hearts, that you would self destruct.

“I have to leave,” you had told yourself earlier that week. You knew that you had to. You had done your research, and you could become an emancipated minor, away from them, and living on your own.

You hadn’t packed much. Most of the items you had in your backpack was food you’d snuck over the past few days – sandwiches, mostly – and bottles of water you’d surreptitiously gathered from the pantry over the course of the week. If you’d taken too many at once, they would be suspicious, and that would only mean one thing: plan busted.

And so, you had been patient. You’d waited, you’d endured – all week long. You had been patient, as you’ve always been for the past sixteen years of your life.

When the time finally came to leave, you didn’t miss a beat. You clambered through your bedroom window, pulling yourself to the other side first, and then grabbing your backpack, and you were on your way.

It wasn’t like he was looking for you; the two of you just had a Chem lab to do together, and you had half of the notes that was needed to actually finish the lab. He usually just…noticed your presence, that was all. He was always aware of when you were there and when you were not, and for the first time since you’d been at Riverdale High, he noticed that you weren’t there, thereby breaking the perfect attendance you undoubtedly had.

After the first day of class of you being absent, when the lab was due, Jughead had approached your teacher, asking, “Is it okay if y/n and I get an extra day to do it? Since she’s absent and all.”

“Of course,” the teacher replied, a tight lipped smile on her face. “All absent students get an equal amount of absent days to turn in work they fell behind on.”

He was about to leave it at that, but a part of him just had to ask – “Do you know where she is?” The teacher just raised an eyebrow to his query, and he shook his head. “I mean, do you know why she’s absent?”

She shook her head, “Nope, can’t say that I do. That’s private information, probably, at the least.”

“Yeah,” he said, his voice quieter this time as he shoved his hands into his pocket. “Yeah,” he repeated, “Thanks.”

You didn’t live in Riverdale, even though you went to Riverdale High. Your parents had wanted you to go there because of its apparent “high academics” and “athletically focused peers” – which you had never been, anyway – despite living ten miles away.

You hadn’t known whether you should go to school or not, that first day, and ultimately, you’d decided against it. There was too much of a risk of your parents looking for you there; too much of a risk at this point. If you went back home now, who knew what would happen to you?

And so you spent most of the day at Pop’s, knowing full well that the diner was the last place your family would think to look for you. They had never been fond of Pop’s for some reason (probably some deeply buried affair had occurred there that neither of them wanted to dredge up again, but, who was to really know? Most certainly not you), and that meant that you could stay there and be undetected by essentially everyone. Few frequented Pop’s often, and the diner was often empty, save for the occasional couple here and there, and old men reading the newspaper while nursing a cup of coffee for hours. There were few regulars, and most of those regulars were the types of folks people never paid attention to anyway – the ones who stuck to themselves and kept their noses down in a newspaper or, in the case of one particular regular, down in his laptop.

As you saw him approaching the front door of the restaurant, you immediately remembered the chemistry lab that you’d been absent for. The lab that he had been counting on you to help him with, because the two of you were partnered together.

You couldn’t face him, not now. There was nothing you could do to explain why you were here, but you hadn’t been at school. (Playing Hooky? No, he would never believe that you would ditch school for any reason. Sick? Hell, you’d been sick countless of times before, and you still endured going to school everyday.) There was no explanation that you could think of in that moment, no lie that you could tell, and so you ultimately decided against it all.

You moved to sit at the booth facing away from the front door, waiting until he had walked past you to get up, moving to the door that he had come out of, and exited the vicinity.

It had been nearly a week. By now, everyone at Riverdale High knew your name; y/n y/l/n was the one who was missing, and had been missing since last Sunday. Your parents had alerted the authorities, the school, hell, even random people on the street. They painted themselves as the distraught parents who just wanted to find their child again; the parents who had no idea where their child was and what had happened to cause for this supposed “disappearance”. Was it a murder? Was it like what had happened to Jason Blossom? Had you been kidnapped? Who knew! They didn’t, and they made that awfully clear as they spoke through strained sobs and quivering lips.

Jughead knew that it was all bullshit, especially since he could always tell by your body language – and the fact that you tensed up whenever someone mentioned their parents in general – that you hadn’t been close with your parents. He’d inferred, long ago, actually, that you didn’t quite have the best relationship with your parents, but really, who did?

Of course, that was before. Now, though? Now, he recognized your disappearance for what it was: you’d run away. Who knew where you were at the moment? It had been almost a week, you could’ve been miles away by now. There was nothing keeping you here, anyway. Nothing of importance.

He wasn’t sure if that bothered him or not.

It seemed like it took hours just to make your way back to Riverdale; after you had left the small town, you’d gone upward north to a town that you’d never heard of, find yourself spending $200 on a motel room to stay in for the week. The town had a McDonald’s across the street from your motel, so you spent your leftover $100 on McDouble’s and fries over the course of the week, spending most of your time staring at the Value Menu and asking for cups of water instead of paying the dollar for a cup of soda.

You were living on your own now, you couldn’t spend as often as you liked – not that your family had always had the most money, and not that you had come from a family of comfort, but still.

It was all you, now. All you.

Or, at least, it had been, until your savings account money had gotten depleted and you were left with no one to turn to, and no money to fall back on.

You weren’t going back home, you knew that much. You weren’t.

Rather, though, you trekked – on foot, of course (bus fees costed money; money that you didn’t have), the several miles to get back to Riverdale.

You hadn’t known what you were doing, your body moving on what seemed like autopilot as you walked down the darkened, streetlight illuminated streets, until you stood in front of his house.

You hadn’t known why you’d gone there. You hadn’t known why you’d decided that, since you had no one else to turn to, you should go to him. You hadn’t known why you were standing there, walking up to his front door, your hand trembling ever so faintly as you rapped on the door: once, twice, three times, your breath coming out shaky and uneven with anxiety as you waited for something to happen.

You didn’t know what. You didn’t know what to expect; and that was the tragedy of it all, wasn’t it? The pure fact that you didn’t know what was going to happen. You didn’t know what was to become of your life from that moment onward. You didn’t know what was to happen to you. Would you be sent back to life with your parents? Would you be forced to wander around on the streets, unable to create a life for yourself? Would you, would you, would you?

By the time he had opened the door, his gentle blue eyes dazed with sleep, his voice croaky as he asked a befuddled, “Y/N?”, tears were already formed in your eyes, piercing, hurting. It was all you could do to nod, your head bobbing up and down as a nonverbal, affirmative yes, it’s me, I’m not dead.

Before you even knew what was happening, he had his arms around you closely, engulfing you in a warm embrace that you hadn’t realized you’d been yearning for from someone all your life. Anyone. Someone.

You hadn’t known you’d craved a loving embrace until the moment he had wrapped his arms around you. Maybe it wasn’t in a way that he had meant, but it made all the more difference to you.

“What are you doing here? Everyone at school, they—” he began, but you just glanced up at him wordlessly.

“I’m the basket case, am I right?” you shrugged, “All sorts of wild theories of what happened to me?” He said nothing, only nodded his head. “Figures.”

“Your parents —” he began, but you stopped him, letting out a sigh.

“I don’t know why I came here,” you said, beginning to turn on your heels to leave.

“Wait, Y/N,” he said, grabbing a hold of your wrist. “I know what you’re doing. You’re running.” His words had piqued your interest – he always had a way of reading people, especially you, and now was no exception. “I may not know why, but I know that much.”

You turned back to face him, letting out a breath filled with nerves. “I just…I can’t…I can’t do it, not anymore. Not with them. I have to get away from them, and running away…it was all I could do.”

“You’ve been missing for a week, Y/N,” Jughead commented, pointing out the obvious. “Where were you in all that time? Why would you come back now?”

“I don’t know…I don’t,” you groaned, rubbing a hand over your face. “I just…I was thinking of someone. Someone who would understand. Someone who would be there, and it just…brought me here. I don’t know why, especially since we barely know each other–” You let out a sigh, once again. “I have…nowhere else to go. Ran out of money. Don’t have a working permit, because then I would have to go back to school, and school means parents. So I’m just all around screwed, and I don’t know what to do.” You felt large, fat blobs of tears drop down your cheeks, rolling down your chin and onto your neck. You wiped away at them as best you could, but you found that the movement of the tears just made you irritated.

Jughead looked you over, his mind already racing with solutions to help you however he could. “It’s really late right now,” he commented.

You looked around the neighborhood for a moment, before deciding that, yes, it was, indeed, late. “I’m sorry, I’ll go–”

“You’re gonna stay with me for a while, okay?” he asked, however his voice sounded more as though it were a command, a mere fact. “I already have a couple ideas of what we can do, but I gotta think about that later, when it’s not the middle of the night and you’re not crying on my doorstep.” He pushed the door open wider, making room for you to squeeze on by, and he said, “Come in.”

You stepped in through the door, immediately noticing the roomy, cozy sort of feel that his house had. It was different from your parents’ home, where the air was always cold and it seemed as though every single one of you were walking on eggshells around another.

It was different in a good way.

In the faint darkness of the house, you could see photographs adorned and lined up along the walls like decor; photos of scenery, people, inspirational quotes. It was wonderfully different in the best way possible.

“C'mon,” Jughead said, guiding you down the hall to what you assumed was his room. His room wasn’t like what you had expected, although you weren’t entirely sure as to what you expected from him.

It was neat and tidy – that, you hadn’t expected – with a cleared desk for homework on one side, and a video game console on the other, with a TV in front of it.

“Am I supposed to stay in here?” you asked, your voice still shaky from the tears that had managed to slip out.

“Uh, yeah,” he said. “There isn’t a spare room or anything, and…you look like you could use some company. That’s all.”

It was strange, how kind and sweet he was being. You had never even talked to him that often; outside of chemistry, you rarely even saw him, unless you were at Pop’s when he was.

And yet.

You glanced to the bed, and nodded your head slowly. “Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

You didn’t have a problem with sleeping alongside him, although you did think that you probably should have. There was something about him, though – how easily he was willing to take you in, maybe? – that just made him seem more than trustworthy.

You slid into his bed first, his boyish scent engulfing you as you slipped underneath the covers, your eyes on him as he shrugged lightly, sliding in alongside you, his face right in front of yours.

“Why are you doing this for me?” you asked him, the confusion evident in your voice. “You don’t have to –”

“Go to sleep, Y/N,” was all he said, his body heat so much warmer, so much more comforting than yours. He grabbed a hold of your freezing fingers, taking your hands into his, and held them, woven together as though you were holding hands.

Slowly, with your eyes drifting closed as you counted the light marked freckles that dotted his face, you fell asleep; peace and quietness coming to your brain and surrounding you completely, telling you that you were no longer as alone as you had been before.

“Goodnight, Y/N,” he echoed amidst the clutches sleep already had on you. His voice sounded foggy, like you were being submerged in water and he was on dry land. Miles away, and yet right in front of you.

He was here.

The next day, you had found yourself waking up at four pm.

That can’t be right, you told yourself as you glanced to your phone. As the screen lit up, it became very clear that, yes, it really was that late.

You’d been asleep for around sixteen hours.

Sliding out of his bed, you realized that it was to be expected; this past week you’d been sleeping for around five hours every night, constantly on edge and thriving on mainly burnt, bitter tasting coffee from the McCafé.

You glanced out his window, finding that there weren’t any cars in the driveway, leading you to assume that his parents weren’t home at the moment.

Turning to his drawers, you rummaged around his clothing, looking for something, anything, to put on, just so you could change out of the same two shirts and pair of jeans that you’d been wearing constantly for a week. You settled on choosing a light grey shirt and a pair of baggy black sweats from the bottom drawer, immediately stripping of your current clothing and into his.

Once you had his clothing on, you moved to the door, opening it ever so cautiously, peeking outside of it, at first, before walking out and down the hall to the kitchen that you’d seen as you ventured into his home the night before.

To say you were hungry was an understatement. It had been a while since you had last eaten, and you were feeling quite famished. The hankering for something, anything, was great, but not unbearably so.

As you opened the refrigerator, you immediately understood why Jughead went to Pop’s so often, and for hours on end. There wasn’t too much food to be found in the fridge, nor the freezer. A couple of Yoplait yogurts. Several oranges. Grapes. A plate of left over mac and cheese. A quart of cranberry ice cream. A hunk of cheese.

That was essentially it. Not even you could make something from nothing, and so you decided that it would be best to just know wait for Jughead to return, hopefully with food, and hopefully with answers.

He had debated over whether he should tell someone about you. You didn’t really have any friends to tell anyway, to tell that you’re okay and safe, but he didn’t know if someone should know that you were alright or not. It was a tricky thing, harboring someone in his house like this.

He still didn’t know why he did it. He wasn’t entirely sure, not at all. There was just some part of him that wanted you to be safe, a part of him that wanted you to be okay. He wanted to take you from the bad situation you were in at home, and so, he did.

That’s what he’d done. That’s what had happened.

But why did he do that? As you’d pointed out last night, he barely even knew you. The two of you only ever really saw each other during class, and that was all.

And yet?

“I’m gonna need this to go, Pops,” he told the owner of the diner, and Pops raised an eyebrow.

“You’re not staying the long night today?” he asked, and Jughead shook his head.

“Can’t. Not today,” he said, fishing out a twenty dollar bill. “I’ve got a prior engagement.”

Pops snorted, “A date? Is that it?”

Jughead narrowed his eyes, saying, “Its not – it’s not a date, okay?”

“What is it, then?” Pops questioned, “You got a publisher lined up for that novel thing you’re always writing?”

“It’s not finished yet,” Jughead mumbled, passing the money over as Pops beamed.

“Well, whatever it is, It must be pretty damn important to get you out of here for the night,” Pops said, passing him the bag of hamburgers and fries over to him.

“Yeah, it is,” he said automatically, not realizing a single thing that he had just subconsciously admitted to. Taking one last look at Pops, who had the most knowing smile of all, he turned curtly on his heels and walked out of the diner, and into the dusk.

You were going through the vinyl records that he had all in one giant stack in the corner of his room, observing the various artists and songs that were on each one. You hadn’t been there all too long, but you could already tell that his way of living was significantly different from the way yours had been with your family. You would’ve never dreamed of owning as many vinyls as he had, let alone listening to the type of music that he did.

It was still intriguing, though.

You were about to pull out the next vinyl in sight, when the bedroom door creaked open, and in came the raven haired boy who had rapidly become your only hope in anything.

“What are you doing?” he asked you curiously, and you froze on the spot.

“Nothing,” you said as you slid the vinyl back in its place. “What are you doing?”

He looked at your for a bit longer before shrugging, exhaling a laugh as he shook his head. “I got us dinner,” he said, raising the bag from Pop’s triumphantly, a smile immediately making its way to your face.

“Thank you,” you beamed, the emotion from his kindness lodging itself into your throats again. “Really,” you said, your voice cracking, “Thank you.”

Jughead let out a breath and said a simple, “You don’t have to thank me, okay?”

“But you’re going out of your way to do…all this,” you sniffed, “for me. And you don’t have to.”

“Y/N,” he said your name, but you shook your head.

“I don’t know what I was thinking, running away. I should just,” you sucked in a deep breath, “go back home.”

“No,” he said, his voice suddenly strong and hard with conviction.

“No?” you questioned, the quiver in your voice not going unnoticed by him.

“I’m not gonna let you go back there,” he said. “Y/N, you left for a reason. I might not know what that reason is, but I know that you felt like you had to leave, and that’s all that matters. So, no, you’re not going back there. I won’t let you have to go through whatever it is you went through, all over again.”

“But…but why? You don’t have to do any of this for me, you shouldn’t have to—”

“Y/N, listen to me. For now, you’re in my hands. We’ll figure all that other stuff out later,” he said, the blues of his eyes staring directly into your own eyes. “You don’t have to worry,” he reminded you, wiping a strand tear from your cheek, “Just leave it to me for now, alright?”

All you could do was nod.

Days went on like that, each folding into another as the two of you researched all that you could on the topic of becoming an emancipated minor. During the day, while he was at school, you read up on all that you could, and once he came home, the two of you ate together, sharing information after having eaten. After that point, his parents usually came home from work, so you were left to hide out in his room quietly for a suspended amount of time until they went off to bed at ten thirty pm every night. Jughead would do his homework then, if he had any, and you would spend your time reading the books that he had hidden in his bookshelves.

It had gotten to the point where the two of you became comfortable sleeping alongside one another; a week into doing so, and it was just commonplace. It was as though it was something that was so small, but so meaningful.

He had been right, that first day. You had always yearned for loving human contact, one that you never received from your time with your parents, and one you didn’t know that you’d been withheld from until he had his arms wrapped around you at night, or his hands were intertwined with yours, his lips pressed against them as though they were a prized possession.

Two weeks into it all, and you were having yet another sleepless night filled with nightmares. The dream was one that had made your more distressed than anything, causing you to feel sympathy for your parents in spite of all the things that they had put you through in the past. In your dream, they had died, and that made you feel as though you would be sad without them. Worse yet; that you were sad without them.

But you weren’t. You weren’t sad without them, not when you were enjoying the strange sort of “life” that you had with Jughead, now.

But should you have felt bad? Should you have gone back home long ago?

“What is it?” he said quietly in the dead of night, his eyes still closed in a way that made you realize that you thought he was asleep. One eye popped open at a time until he was asking you again, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” you said softly, confused and perplexed on what to say. “I just…what if what I’m doing…what if I shouldn’t be doing it? What if I should just go back home and suck it up?”

“Y/N…” he began, and you were quick to follow up with,

“I know, it’s dumb, I shouldn’t be thinking like that. I don’t want to be thinking like that, but it’s just…” you sighed once more. “I’m happy here. I’m happy with you. But I don’t know what I should be doing, or thinking, or whatever. I’m just…so confused.”

“You don’t have to be,” Jughead said, and you let out a faux chuckle.

“I know. I know that I can, I just,” you shrugged, “I don’t know.” You raised an eyebrow at him and asked, “Do you ever just, not know?”

He nodded his head, his blue eyes looking as bright as ever in the faint lighting. “Of course.”

“What do you do then? What are you supposed to do then?” you wondered.

“I just…do whatever I think is right,” he said, his voice sounding firm in his conviction.

“And what do you think is ‘right’?” you asked him, your eyes not leaving his for a moment. “Right now. What do you think is right?”

He looked at you for a second before saying, “This.” The moment he said that, he leaned in, ever so gently pressing his soft lips against your own, causing for every single one of your nerves to stand on end as you were able to grasp the simplest of concepts known to man: he was kissing you! He was kissing you, and you weren’t stoping him. Why would you stop him, though? Why would you put a stop to something that you had subconsciously been craving for the longest time? Why would you stop this boy, this boy who clearly and obviously cared so much about you, from kissing you like you wanted him to?

You wouldn’t, and so you didn’t. Instead, you found yourself missing back, your lips moving against his as you placed a hand behind his neck, deepening the kiss before it could end.

You never wanted it to end.

a/n: aaaand that’s it !! this was like the first thing ive written that’s over 1k long in a while lmao. i hope you enjoyed lovelies !!

[eternaltchotchke]

Aight and here's all the shit I got plus all the badges I could find for the years I've been to Sabo. 

I'll put a read more about like. Everything because I admittedly wanna talk about it, like Sabo as a whole because like I said in my last post, I think that's gonna be the last Saboten I'm going to...at least unless I do a booth. But that's besides the point. So yeah read more if you wanna read all my nostalgia shit. Stop here if you're good, lol. I’m warning you, it’s fucking long AF.

2009: My second ever convention. I actually got to go because a friend of mine got tickets for her birthday and she invited me to go with her. I was, like, the kind of person I think her parents wanted her to be like? ‘Cause at the time I was a nerd, but I was introverted and I think they were under the impression that I was a good christian straight girl(™) and well. Lol, neither of us were. This was way before I ever tried doing cosplay, and well, technically I did a really shitty Misty at PCC that same year, but like. OMG. It was terrible. I think this was the year I did a ‘lolita?’ outfit? But really it was just me trying to be edgy. It was kind of cute, but man, I would never wear it today.

2010: So this was senior year of high school and the con was actually at the Hilton just down the street from my school. It was my third convention and I got tickets for my friend and I invited my cousin, but he got food poisoning on one of the days he was going to go, so I ended up soloing it for the rest of the weekend. I went as Miki from Shugo Chara and...it was...bad, lol. I tried making the hat, and well, it was a craftfoam hat and everything else I just kind of found around the house. I don’t remember much else from this con to be honest, just that...I went as Miki for at least one day.

2011: This was the year that I got a lot more into Hetalia. I had just graduated from high school and was still kind of...figuring myself out. I dragged an, at the time, friend there with me to a Hetalia cafe and that was fun. I think that was the first time I’d had a con squish? Crush??? The America was mega cool and ooh, I know that was also the year I went to the Eyeshine concert! I was really into Johnny Yong Bosch’s voice ‘cause I was watching Code Geass and Bleach at the time, and well. I like voice actors a whole bunch? And the concert was really cool and I still have the video I saved from it...and yeah. Good times. Actually, p great times, heh.

2012: This was the year I finally went with con friends! God, it was such a good time because for once I had people to hang out with the whole weekend. I’d met a good majority of them at the last PCC and one of the main people I remember is Maddi who’s still one of my best of best friends. There’s also Sabby and again, one of the best friends a person can ever have. We weren’t close at the time, but I do have a pic with her in it? So. She was there. And I think one of the people in it is Hanna who is an awesome person and I love her so much. She’s great like, the coolest person and dang it all, I love my friends?

And then there are a lot of people that I hung out with at the time that...admittedly, I want to forget. One of them, I hate so very very much. Because they were a toxic person and terrible to my best friends and fuck, I wish I had actually stood up for my friends when I was younger and called out some of the shit they pulled because I should have. But. Well. Hindsight...and then the other? Well, I don’t hate but...I guess thinking back on things? It’s awkward and I was awkward and man, that was a...time. I see ‘em sometimes and it’s like, sweet bajeebus you haven’t changed at all.

There was a lot of shit that happened on the last day and like, one of it was there was a panel that didn’t go well and then the other was someone was kinda mega rude to a friend? And while yeah I understand their stance on things, they said things in a rude way that just...could’ve been said a lot better or at least in a kinder way.

But as a sidenote, that was the year I got Laboon! And I still have him, and I still love him. He’s a good whale.

2013: ...this was...the year of kind of an end to some things. But, the beginning of some really REALLY great things. This was the year I became really good friends with Jed, who is like, one of the best of best friends a person could have. He’s such a cool dude, and nerd, but also cool and I might not say it often enough but I’m really lucky to have become his friend. I gotta say that for all my friends, especially Sabby, Maddi, and Jed. I love y’all so much and really, I can’t imagine what my life would be like without y’all?

Anyway, this was the most stressful con I had ever been to. Admittedly? The first day was p good, I went as Cecil (here we go, Cecil version 1 lol) and Jed was Carlos and we had a good time all around. Theeeen Twitter ‘cause at the time, there was a lot of like...sonas for the websites and I was like, I have all that, I’ll be twitter! ...but I ended up having to wait a….long time for my friends to arrive and god, there was just...nothing but drama that day. It was not good.

Day 3 was 1000% better because me and Jed went back to Cecil and Carlos and all around that was just a dang good time. I think someone had actually told me that I was their headcanon Cecil? Which like. Literally made everything that weekend so much better because I was using my real hair (which at the time was sort of long) and I played up my brown skin. There were quite a few other Cecils, but from what I could remember, most of them were the blond white ones and that kind of helped me stand out.

Oh, and that was the first year we attempted flower crowns! Well, I tried, I literally got two garlands of roses and wrapped them around each other. We lost them on the first day, but another Carlos and Cecil found them, which was hilarious to me and I was really glad that happened actually, hah.

2014: HELL.

2015: --god no do you really wanna know about 2014? Okay one sec.

2014: So. I didn’t wanna pay for a ticket. I REALLY didn’t wanna pay for a ticket because also I was flat broke and honestly cons were so far out my price range at the time I shouldn’t have done it.

I did it anyway.

So 2014 was the year of volunteering and doing panels. It was also the first year we did a photo shoot, which was really fun and Maddi’s and Sabby’s were great. I still do love the ones we did for me and Jed, but there was something really nice and bright about the X-Ray and Vav stuff. To be completely honest? I don’t remember much like, for specifics of the con, just that we did panels and that I met a p cool Garrus cosplayer (who still cosplayed the same Garrus at PCC this year, and from the looks of it, it didn’t seem he made it at all more comfortable and I was like, DUDE. MAKE IT SO YOU CAN FREAKING SIT HOLY FUCK).

I’ve admittedly been going back through all my social media accounts to see if anything could jog my memory, and the only thing I remember clearly was that someone thought I was master chef in my Geoff cosplay and that was funny to me.

...I was also apparently America for a day. Which was p alright because I was admittedly a dang great America. Funny story, the only reason I know I was America was because someone from my past recognized us and snapped a pic. I’m like, looking at it and it’s just so funny to me that it turned out as good as it was for like, a really quick throw together thing.

2015: SHIT I HAD TO GO BACK TO MY OLD SHIT TO SEE WHAT THE HELL I WAS AND I FORGOT I THREW TOGETHER A CASUAL!DORIAN FOR THAT. Good fucking god, that’s hilarious, I was always somehow left tiddy commitee...even though it was a v casual Dorian, I guess I just had the right amount of hair for it, lol.

Also, it was the year that we did a panel for the Ladies of Hetalia and then we also did a Youtuber Let’s Players panel with prizes and I only remember spending the night before making those prizes, but the one that everyone really loved was the Geoff picture, which also was a fucking pain in the ass to make because would you be surprised that that picture was really hard to find a good enough quality one to print out? The best thing was though, that I kept running into the people who won the picture and I think some sort of cult formed around it. I’m not sure. I worry for that picture frame sometimes…

I think that was also the last time I cosplayed Cecil. Sabby was my Dana, which I mega appreciate her for, and I took a lot of liberties on my outfit...and based it much more heavily on the weirdness of Cec rather than the button up and tie version that was really popular. It was more fun just to do a Cecil cosplay TBH, and I actually can’t tell if Jed was there or not? I’m also not sure if Maddi was either...uhhh, most of the stuff I can find are selfies of me and Sabby which...I’m not sure of a lot of details actually.

2016: Man, that was the year of Undertale, Dragon Age, and Hamsteak. Er. Homestook. HOMESTUCK. Also the year I got a really nice camera to take pictures with. It was really fun because I got some great pics of our God Tier outfits and I’m still p happy with my Dave cape. Special thanks to Jed for making 99% of that hood. I still owe him a fuck ton.

This was also the year that me and Sabby went to a really fun quiz panel with an awesome Mettaton who is still p dang cool. I wasn’t sure if there was another this year? I don’t think I was able to make it to it, and I know that there was just so much work put into it, I was super blown away.

I also brought back Fen one last time, and that was fun. I dabbed for a dude and that made him super happy, then I just fucked around for the rest of the con. Ooh, also there was Naruto running. Late at night because also, sometimes you just gotta be a fucking loser with your friends. We...kind of started a whole thing? And I feel a little bad looking back on it? But it was at least, at first, just me and Hanna that Naruto ran down the empty hallway to Haruka Kanata and that was just. Such a fun time.

We did another photoshoot that year too, got some legit pics for hamsteak cosplays which was awesome. Then I had a lot of fun editing them. I’d say there’s more to say for this con, but...not really. Oh, but we did spend a lot of time in the activity lounge? Which I love the activity lounge ‘cause they have crayons and hang up your drawings on the walls and I did a ‘great’ drawing of Dave and Karkat that someone took home.

2017: So here we are, eight years later. To be honest? I was actually sort of dreading this con. There was so much just...not happening and I was feeling kind of eh...and I should’ve definitely gotten more done on Gabe but I didn’t. So instead I did Boxerwatch which was still fun, and my armor actually held up really fucking well. Which I was mega happy abound.

Saturday was kind of...a time. Like, I wanted to have fun, and I know I looked cool AF? But it was so hot and humid and I was in like, three layers of clothes and craftfoam and I didn’t bring a change of clothes. Which was stupid on my part. But! Jenny lent me her hot dog costume? Which literally made my day and it turned the whole thing from an /eh day to a THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER sort of time. I’m not gonna lie, I love wearing those mascot sort of costumes because the shenanigans you can have while wearing them. It’s just so good.

Sunday was awesome because I got to hang out with Clyde, Sam, Ray, and I met Keyboard who is p dang cool. Also, I met my hello new person quota of one, so, double accomplishment. On top of that? My armor held up ridiculously well that day and so did my shitty painted on beard and I was literally. So fucking comfortable. I know I was missing a fuck ton of things for Gabe but it worked out alright since I went with a mega casual version. I’m definitely gonna make sure I can wear that jacket anywhere I go though because I love it a bunch? And it was mega comfy. Plus I’m thinking of making the shoulder pads something permanent to the jacket so I could have my own Gabriel Reyes jacket to just. Wear and feel cool in. Well, not cool. More like fucking sweltering because also I live in AZ.

Monday was just a casual day. I think I’m coming down with something and I wasn’t gonna kill myself by wearing Hanzo so, I edged it up. I was kind of really bummed because the Eyeshine concert was cancelled and it was sort of the main thing I was looking forward to all weekend? But I think Sabo might have messed it up p badly because on the website they set it for Sunday at night, which would’ve been perfect ‘cause then all three of us could’ve gone. But the schedule moved it to Monday and I was sad ‘cause it was their farewell tour...and I kind of felt like it’d be just...one of the perfect ways to end my time going to Sabo.

And so yeah, that’s kind of it? Like, I definitely did have fun over the years, there was stress AF during some parts, but then there were some really really great times. I’ve sort of...lost a lot of interest in anime since I started going, and while I will admit, I do still enjoy watching it, I’m so choosy about what I like and what I’ll watch that a lot of the main things available at Sabo don’t interest me nearly as much. There’s one more anime cosplay I wanna do, and admittedly it’d be really freaking easy to pull off...just gotta get the stuff. But other than that single cosplay, I just...I would like to focus on different things. Plus, it’s just so hard to get stuff together because of the timing of it all. Working as a teaching assistant means that I have very little time during those weeks leading up to the con to do anything. The week before was kind of hell, as I had to stay on campus until at least 5:30 most days and god, I couldn’t work on really anything. That and I didn’t have the mental capacity to work on Gabe over the summer, plus I’d planned to have Cyberninja!Hanzo at least started but that just couldn’t happen.

But anyway, that’s it really! This turned out a lot longer than I meant for it to be and I’m probably going to cross post this onto my DeviantArt. So thank you Saboten-Con, it’s been one helluva ride. There were some ups, downs, turns, and spins and while some of those times really really sucked...there were many others that were just so great and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

[opepin]

july: week one

03: i was so tired waking up. lol my back was sore af from the massage yesterday. x_x; i hopped on my laptop and then had some breakfast and did some work. my plan for the day was to record the rest of the videos today except for one that i don’t know much about... no one on my team was working today apparently. meh. kevin went to work for a meeting and ended up working a full day basically. i recorded a good amount of videos and found some that i need to record later too. i spent the rest of the day watching ff-x cutscenes on youtube. there is a full video of them that is 11 hours long. i want to get through it haha. kevin gamed when he got back. we also ate a very yummy mango when he got back. mmmm. it’s summer time~ i did some errands and then i exercised for 45 minutes and kevin eventually cooked at like 9 pm. we were excited for another “weekend” day tomorrow. after eating, we showered and then i gamed and did my pt stretches. i think i iced my feet as well when kevin came to the couch to play hollow knight. i got real tired and got a headache. staying up and getting up late in the day has not been good for my health :/ i told kevin this while he was gaming and i was half asleep, lol. i stayed awake for the rest of his gaming and then we brushed up and i went to sleep at like 1 am. i think kevin stayed up gaming with friends until 3:30 am...

04: ho hummm. i think we got up at like 12 pm haha. i still wanted chipotle so i called to see if the closest one to us was open, and they were! then we got up and drove over to the mall and found the chipotle. i got a chicken fajita bowl and kevin got a steak burrito. they didn’t fill my bowl up at all and didn’t wrap kevin’s burrito properly... womp womppp. it was below average for chipotle but still delicious because it’s chipotle. we stopped by clark’s to see their sale but i didn’t want anything so then we just drove back home and ate. we didn’t have plans today except to chill and bum. so kevin gamed for the majority of the day and so did i. kevin played a good amount of hollow knight so i was able to game next to him. i got into completing the beastiary, compounding abilities, and all the weapons and etc. i still have one more genome to get after i defeat the game though. i also gave up on waiting to buy dr. bronner’s lip balm and found out about hurraw lip balms and bought those instead on iherb for a very good discount and free shipping! yay! i got the night time chamomile, spf 15 sun, pitta one, and the earl grey one. i’m excited~ then we went outside to grill burgers for dinner. so we did something related to the 4th haha. i wanted ice cream for dessert so we drove over to kam man and we got mango and black sesame mochi ice cream as well as more canned fruits and coconut milk to make che thai.

i think i added too many chia seeds and palm seeds in it because it was super heavy... :( kevin confirmed after we chilled it and tried it out. next time, i’m only using half of that palm seed can and about half of the chia seeds lol. we ate the mochi ice cream right when we got back and found out one of the brands packaged the mochi individually...and was also packaged in the insulated bags inside of the cardboard box...that’s intense. kevin played more hollow knight and then when he went to play pubg, i picked myself up and did cardio kickboxing for an hour. i was so tired after 30 minutes... man, my cardio has gone down! then i cooled off, did my pt stretches, showered, and iced my feet while defeating the first boss of the end game in bravely default. it was around 12 am so i brushed and went to sleep at like 12:30 am. zzzz. it was hard to go to sleep that early tbh so i rolled around a bit before managing to calm myself and sleep.

05: i set my alarm for 8:30 am but i got up at 9 am, which i was still happy about. then i got myself to do some cardio even though i felt so sore from yesterday’s workout. lol kevin made rice last night and forgot to put away the rice and our food for lunch tomorrow. he also left the ‘keep warm’ feature on the rice cooker...derp. he went to sleep at 3 am again...tsk tsk tsk. i showered, he brushed his teeth, and we ate breakfast together. then he left for work and i figured out one of the videos i could record (yay me). then i started editing my videos and ate lunch and then continued on to make one pagers. it was a very quiet morning of work. i also got my book of the month in the mail along with my mom’s birthday gift (: i found a mint condition wan wan the dog crystal for her to complete the family collection ;D ! the rest of the day was super productive. i watched some ff-x cutscenes after work and then worked out my obliques while watching more haha. then i did my pt stretches and prepped the veggies for dinner.

kevin got back, we showered, and then started cooking dinner. i continued watching cutscenes and then we ate while watching some pokemon showdown streams. he played a bit of hollow knight after dinner and then washed dishes. i iced my feet and watched some youtube videos. then i brushed up and hopped into bed and read a bit of my new book of the month. i went to sleep before 12 am. zzzzz. it’s been hard sleeping because it gets so hot in the room -__-’ we have the a/c on but it doesn’t seem to keep the apartment completely cool all the time....

06: i woke up at 8 am but then went back to sleep to continue my dream?! i dreamed of a woman who loved hurting people with acid...O_O and then i did some shopping in that dream and got sick??? LOL. uhh... anyway, i got up at 8:50 am and then did a low impact workout because my feet aren’t completely healed. i’ve gained some fat :( and it’s definitely because of my eating habits right now. i don’t think we’ve been eating healthily even though we still cook most of the meals at home... then i showered and woke up kevin and started work! it was another productive day at work from home. i got to record three videos before i had to leave for physical therapy. my session today was fun and relaxing. bryan put heat packs on my feet and then massaged them. then i did my daily exercises and did a new one. then i got to scrunch up a towel with my toes and pick up marbles with my toes. then i got iced and made another appointment before i go to stockholm and copenhagen!

i did some editing work after i got home. kevin came back home from work and we spent the evening playing hollow knight. well, he gamed and i watched. we ate leftovers for dinner and then i did leg exercises before showering and getting ready for bed. i hope i get back on track soon. i just feel like kind of a mess but it’s possible for me to get out of it quickly. i spent some time packing during the evening as well. well, i spent like 2 hours trying to figure out what to wear to the club for nancy/ryan’s outing saturday night and i got it with the help of frandzzz, but mostly mindy because i spammed her haha. we packed and then went to sleep zzz. well, i went to sleep at like 12 am.

07: i was supposed to wake up early to exercise but my body felt weird so i slept in. kevin went to work and then i went straight into work so i could finish what i needed before leaving for the airport. i got a lot done, actually. i managed to fit in some exercise before leaving too. our flight got delayed by an hour so i got to do more work :P i washed the dishes and then put them away. then i made sure we had everything packed and turned off the a/c. i picked up my hurraw lip balms from the mail room :3 and took one for the trip, woot. when it was time to leave, i got drenched by a passing bus LOL. i also stepped in a deep puddle of water so my shoes were wet. oh well. i met kevin at the silver line stop and he got us mcdonald’s. we tried the lobster roll from there and it was alright. i think it made my stomach hurt though....eh heh heh. the airport was kind of full, but we made it through tsa with some time to spare. i got a pink drink, as usual. our flight was full of babies. we experienced the flight where one baby cries, then the next one, and then the next one. kevin and i just wore our earbuds for the entire flight.

i tried watching some movies that were playing but then i rq’d and played bravely default. omg, i beat the game on the flight! eff yeah! my mom was there to pick us up and then we got home where i ate my mom’s home cooking for dinner. kevin rested for a bit and then left to go to yeowoosai to see brittany and mike. i stayed the night at home and talked with my mom until 12 am or so. then my mom went to sleep, i showered, and watched some youtube videos while icing my feet with frozen bags of veggies. i stayed up until 1:45 am and then tried going to sleep but i couldn’t because i had to open the door for kevin; he doesn’t know how to open my front door with the keys. i ended up waking up at 2:45 am and waiting 10-15 minutes for him to get back because he was on his way home already from soundbar, lulz. when he got home and went to shower, i instantly knocked out. i think it was about 3:30 am or something when i went to sleep.

08: i woke up at like 8:30 am and figured that kevin was too tired to drive me to see hen. so i asked my mom and she drove me to logan square’s la farina. hen got there and i was so excited. i got a slice of raspberry lemon cake and a breakfast toast with scrambled eggs and side salad. i didn’t finish all of the food, but ate a good portion of it. we caught up, talked about adulting, and etc. then hen took me to her new apartment and i got to meet her boyfriend. :) then i left at around 11 am and realized the walk to the chicago diner from here was about 20 minutes, and i was meeting daniel at 12 pm. so i took my time walking there. i stopped by a thrift store and a game stop before getting there 10 minutes before 12 pm. daniel was stuck in some traffic but i put my name down before the rush of lunchtime people came in. daniel came in at a good time because they sat us immediately. we went ham on ordering because it was a vegetarian / vegan place and i was curious. daniel was cautious in his choice of meal haha. we split a cooke dough peanut butter shake, i got the white truffle mushroom lentil loaf, and daniel got the steak and eggs (safest choice). i also got this ginger ale made with cane sugar called, ‘blue sky.’ it was very light.

the shake was delicious and it didn’t kill my stomach so, it was 100% dairy free. i recommend getting their shakes. daniel’s seitan steak tasted like nothing with spices... it literally tasted like nothing. i felt empty eating it. we also didn’t know if his eggs were real or not but they were pretty true to the real thing if they weren’t. lol my loaf was interesting... it was seasoned perfectly but the texture of the loaf was goopy and thick... i felt healthy and fibrous when eating it though, haha. i only got it because it had a side of roasted potatoes and green beans... obviously, they were DELICIOUS. i took mine to-go after a while because i was so full. daniel and i caught up in between bites and it was nice chilling with this one. i’m glad he asked if i was free and that we should get lunch. i think i under-planned in a sense but it all worked out! daniel drove me back home and coincidentally, kevin just finished parking. i thanked daniel and said goodbye to him. then kevin and i went home and he showered.

we went to a nearby chase only to find out that they needed 1-3 days to get the currency to the bank to do an exchange :( the lady there was super nice though. i guess we’ll kind of wing it then? but now we know. this is the downside of living in massachusetts -- no chase banks. kevin drove me to my eye exam and i found out that my eyes got worse. i am now around -8.00... so there’s that. my exam was quick and then we drove back home. my mom took me to a last minute hair appointment when we got back. apparently, they were booked until 5 pm but then my mom made me call when i got back to check and they said they were closing at 4 pm?! i was so confused. they’re my mom’s friends so we rushed over there (i left kevin to nap or rest or whatever at home) and then i got my hair cut. my mom was supposed to cut my hair but i think she didn’t want to mess it up and she was tired. so i got an angled bob more than an a lob and i can look like an asian mom if my hair is a certain way. LOL. well, when we got back home, kevin was ko’d and i guess we were eating dinner at home.

i lazed around the house kinda tired but not really sleepy while kevin snoozed away. he took a 3 hour nap... we ate dinner when he woke up and then lazed on the sofa while watching tv with a bad signal. then we went upstairs and got ready for tonight. i decided to wear the sports bra and skirt outfit that mindy liked but i also brought my packable parka by clipping it on to my purse. hehe. kevin called an uber and we headed to arbella to meet up with brittany, her date, linda, and mike. this place was pretty fancy. kevin and i got here first and mike got there last. we ordered some tapas and i got the airmail drink, which was super yummy. linda got cognac ice cream, which was really delicious. oh, it was my first time meeting everyone in that group (except mike) in person. it was nice meeting all of them. then i bounced at 9:50 pm to get to the hotel for ryan’s birthday thing that nancy invited me to. i walked there kind of tipsy but i was ok. i met up with mindy and garrick outside then we went in together. i said hi to gbf in the hallway and when we got into the hotel room, we were bombarded with shots of vodka. i think i took three 1 1/2 shots in total there and i basically was drunk after that, but not puking drunk. it was nice to gauge my tolerance again without all the mixing of drinks and stuff. i also remembered that vodka burns like crap.

we took pictures, met everyone, said happy birthday to ryan, who was already gone in a sense, and then walked out to mercer. omg, i kept dropping the magnetic part of my wallet because i didn’t realize that the magnet was on the other side. thankfully, someone in the group picked it up and i am forever grateful. the two that picked it up kept asking me if i had my wallet the rest of the night when they saw me >_<” heh. when we got to the club, we met up with eileen and ada! then i just remember scurrying around to find mindy and hillary. oh, lol i gushed to rowan about how i admire him for what he’s doing -- i think i’m really in a rut about what i want to do with my career :/ so it’s really special for me to see people like rowan continuing to do what they want to do without the huge focus on money. yeah... i mean that’s what i’ve been feeling on the inside so i guess it came out when i saw rowan. but i was also just super excited to go out with gbf and rowan because i haven’t ever before!

anyway, mercer wasn’t playing any music that i remember... hilllary took care of mindy with garrick and i was there hoping to dance with them but mindy left early with garrick and by that time, hillary and i were too sober for this club LOL. gbf dragged me to the dance floor where i tried to dance but then i rq’d and asked hillary if she wanted to go home. so we said bye to everyone and we got an uber to got to the apartment in lincoln park. hillary and i talked before i got dropped off and then she took the uber home. kevin met me outside and we went into the sticky af floored club... the music was better here but not perfect... the dj played some interesting rock and rap selections... i got hyped because mike dancing is so fun to watch, ahah. we left at around 2:30 am. we showered and brushed before sleeping and then then ktfo. we also drank water because we were whoozy.

09: i somehow woke up at 9 am and then got ready to meet up with julie, juan, and jia at longman and eagle. i had a bit of a headache and was a little woozy but i felt fine. kevin was kind of dead so he told me to go without me and he’ll just sleep. my mom drove me to logan square yet again and i saw juan sitting outside and then jia came from a weird direction. LOL. julie decided to sleep in (haha no judgement there!) we got the last table for 3-4 people and then the breakfast / brunch rush came in. woo! i got the pork belly benedict, and it was delicious. i also got earl grey tea because i’m on a earl grey and chamomile roll. juan got the chicken and waffles but he also wanted the pbr breakfast. jia got the duck confit hash -- it was smaller than our plates but she said it was quite filling. i couldn’t finish my benedict so these two savages finished for me, haha <3 i had a really great time hanging out with these two :))) i’m so happy i got to hang out with them this weekend.

we walked to a nearby coffee shop after and just chatted about random things. we also took some pictures and then jia had to leave for lunch (she pushed back her lunch planz for us -- thank you!) and then juan and i walked over to the fullerton bus stop and just talked about life. i was gonna take an uber back but meh, mind as well save like $10 and take the bus to red line. plus, kevin was still ko’d. we waited for the bus for a while but our conversation was never dull. when we finally got to the red line, i realized i was a noob at ventra T_T i put in the wrong zipcode and juan just laughed at me and a person had to help me; she thought i was putting my credit card in incorrectly...haha. i said goodbye to da chubscrub and got off argyle. i always have a great time with juan and jia and julie whenever we hang. i know i can always leave our hangouts feeling a bit more understood and grounded. kevin was ubering to me so i went into pho 888 and ordered for us. we had to wait longer for our food because there was a large family dinner going on. then we ubered to ryan and terence’s apartment and ate our lunch there.

kevin rq’d his egg noodles and just ate toasted bread at the apartment. i managed to eat most of the che and my vermicelli noodles. sarah was deboning a chicken when we got there while ryan and terence were helping out. nluu was late, haha, but he got there eventually. we just chilled and then terence dropped off sarah at her apartment so she could get ready for her potluck and when he came back, we started playing with legos. we tried playing chromecast games but the connection was terrible. we also tried spyfall but the spy was clearly kevin ahahha. so instead, we wrote things on slips of paper for us to recreate with legos, mixed them up, and then picked from there. one person had to recreate it while the others guessed. lol tell me why i got trump, basketball player, and idk, kinda hard ones?! haha. ryan cried when i made the basketball player...”we don’t see color here.” LOL. 

when it was about 5 pm, we left and said goodbye to everyone. yeah, this visit was better than the last one... i hung out with almost everyone without stressing about seeing people. kevin and i dozed off in our uber back to my house. then we packed and i was grumpy because my family was kind of hovering about when to leave and kevin was feeling worse than before and he was kind of helping but not. sigh. packing to go back to boston is always stressful. well, we did it and stopped by my grandma and uncle’s house and he gave me my very late high school graduation gift LOL. i was grumpy because i napped in the car and had to wake up. my parents dropped us off, i said goodbye to them, and then kevin and i got in line for tsa. i told kevin that i was disappointed in his food choices (they were pretty terrible: sushi (my mom bought it), seafood egg noodle, and multigrain bread (i didn’t realize this until we got to the airport)) he could have eaten the congee in the fridge or zong zi... well, he told me not to be mad at him until tomorrow and i told him i was just worried.

our flight was delayed by like 20 minutes but when we got there, they started boarding everyone early? so i got to pee and then rushed back over. kevin got us mini water bottles before the flight so we could stay hydrated. i watched dateline, the cartoon channel, and shark tank on the flight. kevin slept and felt better after. we didn’t skimp out on the free snacks either. we got a total of like 5 bags of terra chips, 1 bag of pretzels, and 1 bag of skeeter’s chocolate chip cookies. i also got more water and ginger ale. i felt really tired prior to landing. i also needed to pee. we forgot food on the plane so we waited for people to get off and got it back, rushed to pee, and then took the bus and train home. i think it was 11 pm or 12 am when we got back. we unpacked and also ate a good amount of zong zi before sleeping at like 2 or 3 am? i’m not sure. i was so tired though. the two nights of 4 hours of sleep hit me right then.