#anyways stupid rant post over goodnight
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batboopp · 3 months ago
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i hate tiktok batman fans because like. “he should kill people!!!!1! he should just kill joker!!!!!” graaagag no. i don’t care if a criminal bombs an entire city batman shouldn’t (and he honestly wouldn’t) kill at all.
and also its just like. he wanted to quit being batman at the THOUGHT of truly killing someone. he starts shaking profusely when he points guns at people (even if they deserve it.) he has ptsd attacks upon seeing corpses, no matter how often he sees and interacts with them
its that batman won’t kill, and also he just CAN’T. its not how he’s wired. the core of batmans beliefs is that he strongly supports the idea of rehabilitation. it’s the reason he still even bothers saving gotham, a city that is literally cursed from the outside in and can never really be fully helped. it’s why he still bothers with many of his rouges (Harvey Dent/Two-Face, Harley Quinn, Killer Croc, some versions of Grundy, and some versions of Riddler are the first ones that come to mind.)
if batman killed, it just throws out one of the reasons for batman existing out the window. he believes in vengeance AND justice, and It’s crucial to use BOTH of those personality traits together if you want an accurate and likable portrayal of batman.
vengeance for the innocents his rouges have harmed, and justice and empathy for his rouges as well, co-existing.
anyways if you want a character like batman except that they kill people then be a red hood fan idfk
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kin-the-muffin · 10 months ago
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haha soooo many things happening rn and i feel like i have so much time to do nothing like i used to but when i take a step back sure i have less but i still have a lot but then i remember that theres homework im already ignoring in my classes and new friends to know and be known by and old friends to either dump cuz theyre toxic and i never realized or try in vain to keep ahold of a slipping relationship and im in my senior year now hahahaaaaa
vent below
i auditioned for my school’s musical and i finally got a speaking part and im also technically a lead and that rly cool but it also means im going to have to stay at school for twelve hours almost every day until the second week of march when the play ends
im in my school’s honor choir and its a zero hour so i have to wake up at unheavenly times to get there and sing for two and a half hours
i get to be in a rly big state choir too and thats coming up in february and i havent looked at the music yet and i cant get the remind to work and all the emails are so long-winded and badly-formatted and confusing
and my english class is nearly full of students so thats fun and my school has zero, count em, Z E R O good senior english teachers but im pretty sure i have the better of two devils and i had her last semester so i know her and she knows me but i also know the kinda bs shes gonna throw at us and i just have to hope that she wasnt lying when she said that this semester would be easier because we’re not working on senior papers this time (mine was about mental health in schools not that anyone asked lolll)
i also have the same government teacher as last semester which is both a blessing and a curse because i know what to expect but like none of it is good and he makes us do these stupid unnecessary tiny group projects and why tf cant i just work alone i only know one person in the class and his lectures are so pointless and please just let me take all the tests and be done with this heaven-forsaken class already
then im in studio art which is basically the highest level art class at my school and you have to get permission from an art teacher to be in one of their hours then you work on one huge independent project the whole semester and my art teacher knows i draw on my ipad and said i could make a comic so now i have to figure out what its about then i can hopefully start the ball rolling from there but i have too many ideas and not enough at the same time and none of them are developed enough to make a 22-page, fully edited-and-colored comic
and my choir director is so incredibly passive aggressive but not really on purpose, he just knows he has a rbf and so he overcompensates to make himself more friendly but then when his patience runs thin he yells and i wanna cry and die and quit high school and cry some more
and im trying so hard not to stress over college because i know im gonna take a gap year so i can think about it then but two of my sisters have offered their homes to me and i love them both so much and ive been thinking about just getting an apartment and a roommate but i have to tell them that because one of them is going to renovate their basement with my potential living there in mind and then i end up stressing about college anyways like what major and what minor and what school and what even is my endgoal???? i dont know?!?!??!?!! i dont know what i want to do with my life, not specifically! my biggest dream rn is to be an mc streamer and thats just cuz im back in my mcyt phase and the old pipe dream from my childhood has returned but i know it cant actually work out btu the dreamer in me says it can but i know it realistically has like a .000002% chance of actually happening
and thats all i have the energy to say rn
sorry for the rant
sorry for not posting
ty and goodnight
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mmmlonely · 6 months ago
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Alright post not cancelled actually bc I still kinda need to rant. Won't be finishing the original post tho.
Wanting to feel loved is girly and not allowed 🤗 and especially not while on bloodweek goddamn !! I am a Manly Male Man Guy Bro and I will Not let this stupid little cycle god put on me control my feelings. But I am a man so wtf are feelings I don't even have those 😎 No I don't feel like crying my eyes out because I forgot to say goodnight and I love you to my girlfriend last night and No I the fact that she hasn't texted me at all today is Not affecting me at all I'm so cool and definitely not constantly overthinking about it. I don't need human connection I definitely haven't cried multiple times because I haven't gotten to hug her recently and if she just so happened to hug me there's absolutely No chance I would burst into tears on the spot buddy. I am so masculine and not being dramatic at all over the fact that she hasn't said I love you back in a while and why would she anyway bc I always text her really late at night when she's already asleep anyway <3 I am such a real man for posting on tumblr about how manly I am instead of openly telling my girlfriend I miss her in a normal human way
I Am A Man I Swear To God [said
POST CANCELLED ABOUT BEING SAD GIRLFRIEND FINALLY SAW MY MESSAGES
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sathina · 2 years ago
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Paper rings pt.2
Pairing - Jack Harlow x reader
Summary - you thought you had moved on, thought that you have forgotten Jack. Atleast that's what your brain told you, but your heart, it knew better.
Warnings - angst, arguing, talk about panic attack
Pt.1
" Oh, c'mon. You have to come. It's gonna basically be like highschool reunion." Your best friend's voice blared out of the phone as you cleaned. Wiping down the counters you clutched the small device to your ear tighter.
" Yeah…"
" Sweetie." A silenced pause ringed through before they continued. " I'm sure he's not gonna be there. Probably too busy with his fame shit anyway." There was a sharpness to their words.
When you told them what happened that day, they lost it. Going as far as ranting about the million ways Jack is going to suffer, in either physical or mental pain.
" Has he texted you again since then?"
" Luckily no. But he has been liking everything I post on social media, I mean I wanted to block him, but I think that's what he wants. Just a stupid reaction." You weren't lying, you just weren't telling the whole truth. Indeed you didn't want to block him. Quite frankly, you loved the attention, you loved how he constantly texted you. Saying good morning, goodnight, how was your day, did you sleep well? He begged for even the smallest ounce of recognition, but all he got was a simple 'read'. Sometimes you felt like an asshole. You thought about the way he might be feeling. After all you were ghosting him, acting like he didn't even exist, but then the pain and sorrow came through. All those memories of sleepless nights came flooding back, and you remembered why you decided to be this way. It was protection, you were keeping your heart safe.
" Yeah, and he better keep it this way, 'cause if not, I'm throwing hands." Your best friend's voice pulled you out of the train of thoughts. " But you should come. I will be lonely if you don't."
" I'll think about it."
" Okay. I have to go now. Bye." There was rustling heard on the other end, and then the beep of a hung up call rang through.
At this point you didn't know what to do. There was only a slim chance that Jack wouldn't be at the party. This was Louisville. If someone heard that he was back in town, everyone would try to get his attention. He was your highschool popstar after all.
<3
A red solo cup sat in your hand while you stood by the bar table.
People were swarming the place all over, some kissing, others dancing, more arguing. The noize and buzz was too much, but you couldn't leave now. Your best friend was already wasted, grinding on a random stranger.
Someone suddenly bumped into your shoulder. You lost your balance for a second or two, before looking up.
" I'm so sorry." It took Jack a moment to realize it was you. You looked so much better in person, the pictures only doing mere justice for your beauty. " Y/n!"
Your brain freezed, not one nerve moved in your body, it felt like you couldn't breathe. And just like muscle memory, you ran.
Discarding the cup somewhere half way through, you tried every door. Finally one you got open led to a bedroom.
It's been years at this point. So why were you acting like this? Acting like you couldn't move on just like he did. Why were you having a panic attack just now? Truth was you didn't know. The heart was a complicated thing. How could it beat so much for a person you hated? Your heart knew Jack broke you, but something about him pulled you closer.
A loud knock echoed through the room. " Y/n? You in there?"
You looked up in a slightly dazed expression, your ex standing in front of you, with the door wide open.
Both of you were like two deers caught in headlights. No one was making a sound or moving, just staring at each other.
" Hi."
You didn't reply though, you couldn't. It felt like your mouth was sewn shut and you couldn't rip it.
" Can we talk?" Jack had that innocent look in his eyes, a slight shine to them that only you could see. But yet again you didn't say anything. He nodded and went to close the door, taking your silence as an answer. " How have you been doing?"
" Could be better."
" Oh-okay." It looked like he was uncomfortable. His hands were slightly shaking and twitching, his Kentucky accent coming out stronger and richer. " Uhm, if you want to leave, you can. Not forcing you to stay here."
" Okay." Your short answers were starting to piss him off, but he knew if he truly wanted to talk it out he would need to shut up about it.
" Look, I'm gonna get to the point. I'm sorry, I really am. And-and I missed you. You don't even know-"
" Oh, I don't know? Jack, are you even hearing yourself right now? You left saying you were going to get bored, not me. I spent countless nights crying because of you. You don't get to play the 'I missed you' card here!" There were tears in your eyes, some already teasing you on their way down your cheeks, others blinding your vision with the salty liquid.
" I know, but-"
" Jack, just stop it. You made it clear that day, I don't want to hear it again." And just like the day you read his message, it was starting to get hard to breathe. Your face was flushed, leg bouncing as you tried to take deep breaths.
He noticed right away, pulling you closer to his chest, making you lay there. Your shoulders were shaking, loud sobs escaping your lips.
" Shhh. Remember that ring I made for you back in highschool? What did it say?"
" Forever and always, you and me."
" Exactly-"
" But you didn't keep that promise."
" I know. I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere." His words sounded encouraging. But your broken heart pieces still lingered. One thing you knew for sure is that you couldn't trust Jack, at least not now.
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warmtoastedbread · 2 years ago
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╔═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╗
In which someone has something to say about your abstract painting.
•Obey me dateables HC x artist! MC
•You pronouns used
•Fluffy
•Platonic Luke
I'm at chapter 16 so no spoilers please🙃🙃
• Master list
╚═══*.·:·.☽✧    ✦    ✧☾.·:·.*═══╝
A/N: Lmao I struggled with Solomon. I wonder if yo yo can tell who my faves are. Requests and suggestions are open rn.
Lucifer
• He comes into your room on a weekend to check up on you, he saw your lights still on.
• He notices your desk lamp isn't on.
• He scolds you saying that you'll ruin your eyes painting in the dark.
• He'll then lean over you from behind to watch you paint, mesmerized by the confidence in your brush strokes.
• He's seen your art before and you don't usually paint abstract. Guess he'll have to add it to the folder he has of all your art.
• He still likes it and offers small bits of praise in the comfortable silence.
•When you finally finish and take a look at what you've created he'll kiss you on your head and leave with a quiet "Goodnight, don't stay up too late."
•He shows off your artwork whenever Diavolo asks him how you're doing.
Bonus:
•He keeps your doodles in the margins of paperwork.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Mammon
• You were waiting on Mammon in his room because you two were supposed to build a model together for a assignment.
• You brought paint, cardboard box cutters and the plans to build it you two (mostly you tbh) had designed.
• It's been half an hour since you got into his room and you got bored. So you took out your sketchbook and painted randomly.
•When Mammon nearly kicks off the door from its hinges in a panic, he sees what you were painting.
•He's trying to make sense of the painting and is teasing you that it looks bad.
• He actually wants to hang it on his wall, to show everyone how close you two are.
• He'll sit down next to you and help you mix paints.
•He doesn't know what he's mixing or if you even what those colours but you end up using it anyways.
• Rants to you about starting an NFT collection. Just imagine all the Grimm you'll bring in!!!
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Levi
• You two were chilling in the planetarium doing your own things.
• Together alone time. He was watching a live action Netflix remake of Ruri Hano and you were restless.
• You tried painting a character but it completely flopped. So it became abstract.
• Levi paused the movie and turned over in frustration. The completely butchered Ruri!!
• He rants to you about all the stupid changes they've made and halfway through he notices you pondering what to add to your painting.
• He hands you his cup and keeps talking.
• He looks at you with adoration because he loves how hard you work on your art.
•He's a tiny bit envious at how even your doodles look good.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Asmo
• You were trying to paint Asmo sprawled out on his bed, only draped in a silky robe but art block stabbed you in the back again.
• Colours wouldn't come out right and the anatomy was worse.
• Although he couldn't see what you were painting he kept reassuring you even though you were getting frustrated.
• Asmo insisted on taking a snuggle break and in your irritation you stopped caring and let your frustration out on the canvas.
• This led to a mostly abstract Asmo except his face.
• He LOVED it. He had it professionally printed and framed so it can sit on his bedroom wall.
• He likes to tease you about it and when you offer to make another one ,because you think the old one's bad, he just adds it to his wall.
•Refuses to take any of them down and posts photos of it to Devilgram
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Beel
• Beel was going downstairs for a midnight snack and saw you working at the dining table.
• He gently approaches you and asks what your doing.
• Belphie likes to paint too so he does what he usually does. Grabs a snack and watches.
•He accidentally confuses his juice for the paint water and accidentally takes a big gulp.
• He'll point to random shapes or colours and tell you what food it reminds him of. He goes into detail as you paint.
• He'll offer to change the water when he gets up to throw his garbage away.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Belphi
• You two were in his room doing the swap every 10 minute challenge
• What you had given to Belphie was the start of a ladybug on a leaf. He gave you a washing machine scene.
• 3 swaps in and your ladybug was hallucinating while Belphie's washing machine was chasing children.
• You two were laughing all night to the point that Lucifer came into the room to yell at you two.
• The painting was hung up amongst the other pictures in his room and yours was made into his DDD lockscreen.
• Days later you still couldn't keep a straight face while looking at eachother.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Satan
• You were sketching outside on the tea table Satan sat at to read. It was a lovely day after all.
• Satan put a pile of books down on the table and asked what you were doing.
• Feeling his curiosity, you gestured him to sit down and showed him through it, methodically skipping some pages.
• You had gotten to the page you painted earlier and the way his eyes lit up when he saw the graffiti style cat thing you made earlier.
• He asks so many questions about your thought process and techniques.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Diavolo
• He practically begs you to show him your sketchbook after he caught a glimpse of the colourful blobs on the page.
• When you give in he'll be incredibly happy and pull you into a tight hug.
• He'll snuggle up to you as you show him what you painted.
•He loves pointing to something he likes and then you talk about it a little more.
• Absolutely spoils you with art supplies. He'll see the black paper that you scratch to reveal a rainbow backing on akuzon and suddenly his credit card is in his hand.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Barbatos
• Incredibly gentle and encouraging when you show him your work.
• He'll take you places in Devildom so you can paint some architecture.
• His DDD lockscreen is just a slide show of pretty buildings you've drawn.
• He's sort of surprised when he enters your room to see a weird angel in monotone blobs. He walks closer to get a better look and the picture changes.
• He loves it.
• He absolutely encourages you to enter in competitions or art galleries. He'll attend every one of them.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Luke
• He wanted to have a tea party with you. He brought cake.
• He gets super excited to see you paint
• Asks if he can add something to your painting and if you agree he'll leave a fingerprint in white paint.
• Will 100% ask you to draw him
• As you paint he'll clean up around you and organise your desk.
• He'll wait by your side for you to finish but he'll get impatient and pull up a chair to sit next to you.
• He'll wait for you to finish to eat the cake he brought.
• He'll give you a ton of stickers to put on your books
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Simeon
• Will offer to buy you a new sketchbook if he notices you need a new one.
• The painting you did on the first page was supposed to be him but you wanted to try something new with the colours
• It kept getting weirder, not that Simeon minded.
• He liked your creativity in what you made and draws small doodles saying he loves your art style.
• He'll print it out (with Luke's help) to put on his notebook cover.
⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽༓☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅
Solomon
• Not a big fan of abstract but still complements you on your technique.
• He'll doodle stickmen doing rituals on an entire page.
• He shares deviltube videos analysing paintings after that.
• He'll playfully debate you on why abstract and surrealism is trash.
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triptuckers · 3 years ago
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Looking at the wrong one - Jesper Fahey
Request: yes! “Firstly, I just want to say I really love your writing! I’ve had this idea for a while and wanting to find someone to write it because I love it so much. So basically reader has feelings for Kaz but he’s obviously in love with Inej so she confides in Jesper who comforts her and she eventually realizes that he’s been the one for her the whole time. I hope you can write it but if you can’t that’s totally fine too!!” Pairing:  Jesper Fahey x reader Summary:  Jesper is the first person you go to when you need advice about something - or rather, someone. It takes you a while to realise you’ve been sneaking glances at the wrong person. Warnings: none Word count:  2.7K A/N: I loved this request sm!! been busy busy busy lately so sorry if your request is taking a while for me to write, finish and post! enjoy reading :)
You glance over at Kaz while he’s explaining the blueprints laid out in front of everyone. You’re trying to pay attention to what he’s saying, you really are, but it’s hard. It’s hard to focus on what he’s saying when Kaz is the one who’s talking. 
There’s no denying it, Kaz looks good. For weeks you tried to push your feelings away, but soon what started as a little crush developed into something more. And now you can barely keep your eyes off of him. 
There’s just something about his mysterious aura. The dark hair, sharp jaw, how he never seems to smile - though you did catch him smile once when he thought no one was looking. There’s so much you don’t know about him, and you’re dying to find out. 
Apparently, you’ve been staring at Kaz for a little too long, because you feel someone nudging your shoulder, and turn to face them.
‘You know.’ mutters Jesper to you from the corner of his mouth. ‘If you want to talk about it, or just need to rant and have someone listen to you, I’m always here. I’ve heard I’m excellent company.’
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’ you say. ‘Do you think we can pull this job of?’ 
You hoped Jesper wouldn’t ask about Kaz again, and he senses your need to change the subject.
‘We better.’ he says. ‘We can score big with this one.’
Jesper starts talking about what he’s going to do once the job is done, but your eyes are already shifting back to Kaz. You can’t help but to feel a knot in your chest as you see him looking at Inej.
While you’re always looking at Kaz, you catch him looking at Inej. 
Inej is one of your closest friends, and you would die for her. Hell, you almost did die for her a couple of months ago. Still, you couldn’t help but to feel jealous of her. Of the way Kaz looked at her.
Whenever Kaz was looking at Inej and you caught him, it didn’t take long for you to fall down a rabbit hole of insecure and jealous thoughts.
You’d think of everything Inej can do that you cannot do. She has a gifts for knives, you know your way around guns, not knives. When she’s sneaking around, she almost becomes one with the shadows, you couldn’t soundlessly sneak up to someone even if you tried. 
You always concluded Inej was better than you on more than one aspect. You figured she would be a better match for Kaz than you could ever be. You were ashamed of being so jealous of your friend when all Kaz did was look at her. But no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get rid of the jealousy. 
After Kaz has rolled up the blueprints and everyone went over the plan one last time, you say your goodnights and all head back to your own rooms. You’re barely aware of your movements as your legs carry you to your room. When you move to open the door to your room, a familiar whistle makes you look up.
‘The offer for some company still stands.’ says Jesper, and he winks at you before entering his own room, next to yours in the hallway.
While Jesper didn’t have Kaz’ gift for coming up with plans, he wasn’t stupid. He had caught you looking at Kaz a couple of times, then decided to speak up. As soon as the opportunity presented himself, he’d taken you apart from the others and confronted you about your staring. 
You were shocked, asking him how he could have possible figured it out. Jesper merely raised his eyebrows and told you you’re always looking at Kaz. You hadn’t realised you looked at Kaz so many times. Ever since, Jesper has offered a listening ear. And though you appreciated it, you weren’t ready to talk about your feelings just yet. 
As you’re taking your boots off, your mind wanders to Kaz again. And the way he looked at Inej. He didn’t show his feelings that often, but you couldn’t help but notice how soft his eyes were when he looked at Inej. It drove you crazy, and you didn’t like that it did. You felt like you were going to explode if you kept pushing these feelings down any longer. Maybe having someone listen to you didn’t seem like such a bad idea after all.
Not bothering to put your boots back on, you get up and leave your room. You take a few steps to get in front of Jesper’s door. Though it’s not that late and he’s probably still awake, you hesitate. What if he just wanted to be a good friend, but wasn’t actually interested in your thoughts on Kaz?
You sigh and shake your head, clearing your mind. You then raise your hand and knock on the door. After a few seconds it opens, revealing Jesper. He’s taken off his coat and boots, leaving him in just a shirt and a pair of trousers. He smiles when he sees you.
‘I see you do want my company?’ he says. ‘Only if you don’t mind.’ you say. ‘Of course not.’ he says, stepping aside so you can enter his room.
You take a seat in the only chair in the room as Jesper closes the door. He walks over to his bed and sits down as you tuck your feet under your legs, getting comfortable.
‘So.’ says Jesper. ‘Am I problem solving or listening?’
You frown at his words. ‘What does that mean?’ you ask him.
‘Well, it’s the easiest way to prevent a fight.’ explains Jesper. ‘If I’m problem solving, I’ll give you advice and come up with solutions. If I’m listening, I’m just going to shut up and, well, listen. So, am I problem solving or listening?’
‘Listening, I guess.’ you say.
‘Alright.’ says Jesper, leaning back against the wall and stretching his legs in front of him. He gestures with his hand to you. ‘Let it all out then, love.’
You don’t know where to begin. Jesper is patient as you’re searching for the words. Without realising, you start to play with your fingers, a habit of yours which you do when you’re thinking or anxious.
‘It starts... Well, when I became a member of the Dregs, I guess. I was young, but Kaz was around my age. We became close friends. That is, as far as being close friends with Kaz goes. I trusted him, he trusted me. We spent months working our way up to the top and along the way you tagged along, and Inej, Nina, Matthias and Wylan. I care about all of you, but there’s just something  different about Kaz.’ you tell him.
Jesper looks at you but doesn’t say anything. He’s just listening, exactly like he said he would.
‘It started off as an innocent crush. Saints, I sound like some school girl. Anyway, somewhere along the way that little crush developed into something more. And now I can’t stop looking at him or thinking about him. And now that I’ve said this out loud, I realise you are the first person I’ve talked to about this.’ 
You’re silent for a while as you look at Jesper. You were afraid he’d laugh at you, but he’s just sitting on his bed, looking at you. 
‘I can tell there’s still something else on your mind.’ he simply says. You let out a sigh and nod, and start talking again.
‘He’s always looking at Inej. Whenever I look at him, he’s looking at Inej. I know I shouldn’t feel the way I do, but I cannot pretend it doesn't make me a little jealous. The first time I saw him looking at Inej, I wished he looked at me like that. I know this sounds stupid, but I really can’t help it. And once I catch him looking at her, I start to think about how I’m not worth it.’ you say.
Now Jesper frowns. ‘But you’re worth it.’ he says. You chuckle softly and shake your head.
‘She’s everything I’m not. She’s pretty, she’s very skilled with her knives, she can sneak up to anyone without being seen or heard. She knows the secrets of everyone in the Barrel. She could take down the Merchant council all on her own if she wanted to. I can’t do that.’ you say. 
‘I know I said I was listening, but can I just offer you one piece of advice?’ asks Jesper. You nod. ‘You say you notice the way Kaz looks at Inej, I have noticed that as well. He looks at her the way you look at him. Don’t you think you should try to admit to yourself that he’s only going to be looking at her, and not you?’
‘Deep down I know that.’ you say softly. ‘But I can’t fully wrap my head around that. Not just yet, at least.’
‘Alright.’ says Jesper. ‘Maybe not now, but if you give it time, maybe it’ll hurt less.’
You look at him and smile as you get up. ‘Thank you Jesper.’ you say. ‘This is nice. Having someone listen to you.’
Jesper gets up as well as you walk toward the door. ‘The door’s always open to you.’ says Jesper as he opens the door for you. ‘You can always swing by.’
‘Thanks.’ you say as you step out onto the hallway. ‘Goodnight, Jes.’  ‘Night, Y/N.’ he says as you walk the few steps to the door of your room.
After that conversation, your nightly visits to Jesper’s room increase. Sometimes he’s problem solving, sometimes he’s listening, and sometimes you just sit in silence when all you want is some company.
There’s even one night in which you actually fell asleep when you were sitting on his bed, and when you woke up the next morning, you found Jesper sleeping on the floor while using his coat as a blanket. Your heart melted a little, but you decided not to speak up as you snuck out of his room.
Weeks pass, and slowly your visits turn from seeking advice about Kaz to enjoying a conversation with Jesper. He makes you laugh as he tells you stories about how he used to drive his parents crazy doing god knows what at their farm. In return, you tell him about the life you lived before you came to Ketterdam.
Another couple of visits later, and you’ve almost completely forgotten that you originally started visiting Jesper to talk about Kaz. You notice you’ve stopped sneaking glances at Kaz. You’re not even jealous when you catch him looking at Inej again. 
Instead, your attention is on Jesper. More than once, he caught your eye and sent a wink you way, making you smile and turn away.
Your nightly visits increase even more, and you can be found in Jesper’s room almost every night, laughing at his jokes.  
After a particularly long night that involved keeping tabs on the security of one of the banks for hours, you find yourself in front of Jesper’s room again. Kaz had sent you out on the job, and you had hoped Jesper would be in his room when you got back.
But after knocking three times, he still hasn’t opened the door. You whistle a familiar tune, hoping he’d answer the door. When he doesn’t, you kick over a tiny tin can that sits on the floor next to the door.
‘So predictable.’ you murmur as you bend down to pick up the key that was underneath it. Knowing Jesper probably wouldn’t mind, you let yourself in and walk over to the only chair in the room.
You let yourself settle in and reach out to take the deck of cards Jesper always keeps on his nightstand. 
You’re fooling around with the cards, if only to keep yourself busy as you wait for Jesper. You’re shuffling the cards, moving them smoothly in your hands.
‘Can you teach me that?’ 
At the sudden voice, you drop half of the cards. You hadn’t seen or heard him coming. Jesper chuckles as he walks over and stands behind you, looking out over the city beneath you.
‘This is my favourite view.’ he says, looking out the window.
‘Mine too.’ you say, while you look at the reflection of his face in the window. You then fully realise you haven’t talked about Kaz in weeks, that you just come to Jesper’s room for a conversation and some company, and you remember the night he slept on the floor.
‘Jes?’ you ask him. ‘Yea love?’ he says. ‘The other night when I was here-’ ‘Care to specify which night?’ 
‘I fell asleep, and when I woke up you were sleeping on the floor.’ ‘Oh, that night.’ he says. ‘Well, would you rather I had pushed you off the bed?’ ‘No.’ you laugh.
Jesper laughs too and you look at each other in silence afterward. It’s a comfortable silence, and he’s the first one to speak up.
‘You haven’t talked about Kaz in a while.’ he says. ‘Finally realised his heart belongs to someone else?’
‘Yes, well, I realised that so does mine.’ you say. This makes Jesper frown. 
‘Already moving on?’ he says. ‘Thought your feelings for him were more serious.’
‘They were.’ you say. ‘But I've found someone who listens to me, who sees me, who makes me laugh.’ you cock your head to the side a little and look at him. ‘Nice to look at, as well.’
Jesper raises one eyebrow.
‘Who is this mystery person?’ he says. ‘And am I problem solving or listening?’ ‘Well I hope you’re gonna do something else.’ you say. Jesper frowns again, making you playfully roll your eyes.
‘Not the smartest tonight, are we?’ you say. ‘Let me repeat it: I've found someone who listens to me, sees me, and makes me laugh. and not bad to look at.’ 
He’s still frowning. ‘Another hint?’ he says. ‘This is why Kaz does the planning and has the brains.’ you say, laughing.‘Rude.’ says Jesper.
‘It’s a he, and he’s caring and sweet, sometimes struggles to sit still, loves a good gunfight, he’s an excellent shot.’ you say.
Jesper smirks at you and then fakes a look of confusion on his face. ‘Still not getting it.’ he says. ‘Tell me more about him.’
You laugh and get up, standing close to him. ‘He’s not just an excellent shot, he’s the best damn sharpshooter in Ketterdam. Saved my ass a couple times as well. Owns a pair of stunningly hand made revolvers. He’s Zemini, taller than me, and..’ your voice drifts off.
‘And?’ says Jesper, stepping closer to you. ‘And I've been wondering if he’s a good kisser.’ you say softly. 
‘Well, let’s find out, shall we?’ says Jesper and he cups your face with both of his hands and presses his lips against yours. They’re soft, and you can taste a hint of his last drink on them. He kisses you gently but passionate, and takes a  breath when he pulls away.
‘Hmm.’ you say, pretending to think. ‘Yea, pretty good.’
‘Pretty good?’ says Jesper. ‘I've heard I'm more than a pretty good kisser.’
‘Prove it then.’ you say.
Jesper smirks and pulls you in for a kiss once more. This one is different, it’s more demanding, and leaves you breathless as you struggle to keep your knees from buckling. 
He pulls away and rests his forehead against yours. ‘How about that?’ he says softly.
You smile and press a quick kiss to his lips. ‘You live up to your reputation, Fahey.’ you say. ‘You’re an excellent kisser.’
‘Just like I thought.’ says Jesper. ‘Do you want to stay here tonight?’
‘I would love to.’ you say.
You spend the rest of the night talking with Jesper until eventually, you feel yourself falling asleep. You feel how Jesper moves next to you, to take his spot on the floor again. You lay a hand on his arm to stop him, silently telling him it’s okay and that he doesn’t have to sleep on the floor.
Kaz wasn’t the right match for you, Inej is. But Jesper certainly is your match.
A/N: If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist. Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading! Much love, Marit
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gummygowon · 4 years ago
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cute relationship things with ateez!
genre: fluff (a lot)
warnings: none :)
established relationship!
a/n: i meant to post this like two weeks ago but i never finished it so consider this an early valentine’s day gift <3 ;) 
seonghwa:
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for some reason, i feel like seonghwa likes to read books
with that being said, on lazy days where you guys didn’t want to get up and do anything
you guys would read books !!!
before you guys would read some were recommendations from each other on your own
and then maybe rant to each other over little details about the book like how the main character went back to their toxic ex or how the ending of a book was so bad
“seonghwa, how did you even read this?!? the stupid ass main character keeps going back to that one jerk! like does she not realize she deserves more than his ugly ass???!!!?”
“y/n, just keep reading.” 
“but hwa-”
turns out the main character got with the other woman yayyyyy!!! fuck shitty men
i don’t know how it happened but you guys started your own little book club with each other
so you guys could finally talk rant together at the same time about the book
so since you guys started to read the same book and if you guys found down time together you would read together
like, imagine it’s a peaceful friday night
seonghwa is back from work and so are you
you guys already showered and ate dinner
you’re just reading and then seonghwa just scoops you up and then puts you in between his legs with your back against his chest
and you’re like “wtf bro?”
and he’s just like, “what? i wanna read too???”
“didn’t you like read ahead tho??”
“yeah, but i wanna read it again.”
that was a fatass lie
he just wanted to be close to you 
hongjoong:
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ok so, we all know that this man is hella busy all the time
mans is the leader, song writer, producer, dancer, rapper (which is why he is good at all positions)
but you were patient with him and whenever he goes days without seeing you due to his busy ass schedule he would make it up to you yk what i mean
but on the more chill days when you saw hongjoong or even the days where he was cooped in his studio (you would visit him there because sometimes you just had to see him)
you guys would just lay on the couch, just enjoying each other’s presence and not feel like you have to make up for lost time
you would be on the bottom on your phone or reading a magazine/book
then hongjoong would be at the top with his head on your stomach as he would be writing down lyrics that came to mind
killing two birds with one stone you feel me
sometimes you would show him a funny meme that you found or quote something that you just read to him 
“hongjoong, look at the way he fell!” you would be dying of laughter
and then he wouldn’t notice because he was really roped into making lyrics 
but you also didn’t see him focusing so much because you were of course laughing at the kid that accidentally got bitchslapped off the couch because of their sibling
“joongie look!!!”
“what is it?”
you would then show him what happened and then he would look at with that “you really interrupted me for this??” type of look
“i just lost my train of thought for this song because you wanted to show me this kid falling off of a couch???” 
“yes?” 
he would just bring a hand to his face and think what tf? why tf? and then slowly start laughing because of what just happened
“see, wasn’t it funny?”
“a child getting hurt isn’t funny, y/n” he would laugh while scolding you
yunho:
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yunho powers im sorry for this one
alright so, it’s night time 
you guys are about to go to bed after a long day or work/school whatever
your eyes are fluttering closed because the day got you beat beat
but then yunho just kisses your face
and then you open your eyes slowly again to see yunho look like he just got caught doing something he wasn’t supposed to do
like imagine a kid that just got caught drawing on the walls
that’s what his face would look like
he’s just laying there like “i thought you were asleep...”
“i was just about to...”
yunho feels lowkey guilty now because you’re awake now and he knows you had a long day
he just couldn’t resist kissing you 
you just looked so pretty and peaceful sleeping 
mans was reminded by the universe themself about how lucky he was being able to date you
like, godamn what did he do in his past life to deserve you?
ok, back to this reaction idea thing-
yunho would apologize for waking you up with his cheeks a nice rosy color
you just look at him with tired eyes 
“i’ll forgive you, if you give me more kisses.”
and yunho’s smile just lights up the whole damn room and he’s like oh? say less
so he goes to kissing your face
like all over
your nose
your cheeks
forehead
basically anywhere ok?
and you end up laughing because it tickles 
but you just want him to kiss your lips which he does 
... eventually lmao
but when he does your still laughing which causes him to laugh
he tells you “i love you, did you know that?”
and you get all flustered and shit but you still keep that playful energy around 
“i love you too, but you aren’t forgiven just yet”
which leads to more kisses :))))
yeosang:
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ok so you’re now the busy one
yeosang has so much respect for you because holy shit how do you balance that busy ass schedule of yours
your homework loads were no jokes 
then to add to that you have a job which was even more stressful
it was amazing how you can manage all that and still keep a smile on your face
you also had major respect for yeosang as an idol
the industry was not a place to fuck around 
you couldn’t be happier that your boyfriend was lucky enough to have a group who actually cared and supported each other
speaking of ateez, yeosang isn’t the most touchy person in the world
you didn’t mind of course, you’re the same way
however, when he did give you cuddles and kisses you would be a blushing mess
a sort of rare sight that yeosang loved to see
anyways, one night you were busy writing those argumentative essays that you were sure that your fingers would fall off by the time you were finished
you were working on it ever since you got home from school (with the occasional food and bathroom breaks )to the time when yeosang came back from practice
you moved to your shared bed by the time the sweaty boy came home and he was surprised that you were working on one subject for so long
the stupid piece was almost finished by the time yeosang was out of the shower
however, you didn’t even notice
you were too immersed in your writing to notice
yeosang took this as an opportunity to sit behind you and wrap his arms around your waist and watch over your shoulder as you worked
and of course, he would kiss your cheek occasionally
this was super sweet gesture but yeosang but you didn’t the notice that he wrapped his arms around you
“ai yah! what the hell?” you yelled and turned around to see your boyfriend clutching his chest
“oh it’s just you.”
yeosang would give you a deadpanned look and be like, “yeah, who else tf???”
you would apologize and kissing his cheek before returning to back to work 
which yeosang would return to hugging your waist and keep his head on your shoulder
and give you occasional kisses on your cheek or neck
after that night, it became a weekly occurrence
which you loved of course, who wouldn’t love their bf cuddling them while they chased their bag
san:
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i am very excited for this one
ok so, san loves playing with your hair
it’s just so much fun 
running his fingers through it or just attempting to braid it or put it into a tiny ponytail
he loved it
he would probably always play with your while you were watching tv together, sitting together in the car, or even before you guys fall asleep
then one day after san came home early from work 
you guys were chilling on the bed watching the latest k-drama that came out since san made you wait so you guys could watch it together
san was in between your legs with his back leaning against your chest 
and that’s when you decided to run your fingers through his soft, fluffy hair
that’s also when san asked you to braid his hair
“sure, what type of braid though?”
“there’s different kinds????” 
“yes, san. now pick one.” you gave him your phone that was pulled up to different types braids.
“i want the french ones. they sound fancy.”
you roll your eyes and start sectioning his hair into two sections and start braiding his hair and lightly pull on the pink strands because you know san likes his hair pulled
so you doing his hair right 
and you begin rambling about your day/week
talking about whatever interesting happened to you because you know that san likes hearing you talk no matter what it’s about
however, you were knee deep into talking about the latest drama at work that you didn’t even realize that san stopped talking
“san?”
he didn’t answer and his head would be dipping down so low you were surprised you didn’t fall over
“baby?”
san still wouldn’t respond to you 
but this time he just flipped over so his head would be on your stomach as he wrapped your arms around your stomach
“mmmmmmm?”
“nevermind love, just sleep.” 
he would respond by burying his head further into your stomach and tightened his hold around you
you kissed his head and ran your fingers through his hair which lulled san to sleep even more
“goodnight sannie.”
mingi:
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you have been best friends with song mingi ever since you moved into the tiny neighborhood that you call home
it all started when your parents brought you over to your next door neighbor’s house for breakfast on a cold saturday morning 
you were extremely shy when you were little so the only thing you could remember about your first experience with mingi was hiding behind your mother’s leg for the first hour of being there and watching the young boy play with his toy cars and planes before he finally offered a pirate ship to you
ever since that unforgettable saturday, you pretty much spent the rest of your childhood with mingi
you guys were practically joined at the hip 
even when you were getting endlessly teased by your classmates for the first month of school for having an accent whenever you spoke 
which resulted in you running to the bathroom crying
not even a minute later, you heard someone burst through the girls’ bathrrom
“y/n?”
you peaked your head out of the stall to see your tall neighbor looking out of breath
“mingi, you aren’t supposed to be here!” you said in between sobs
“it’s okay, i don’t care.” he said as he awkwardly wrapped his arms around you. “are you okay?”
you shook your head no looking at him with tears running down your face
the poor boy was internally freaking out since he has no clue on how to comfort people (especially if they’re a girl)
he was like eight at the time give him a little break
so of course, his first reaction was to make you laugh somehow
and he did this by randomly recreating the “boots and cats, boots and cats” rhythm after seeing siri do it in a youtube video and started to bop his head 
surprised by his sudden movements, you laughed out of pure confusion
as soon as mingi saw the corner of your lips flip upwards he began rapping faster to the point where he was gasping for breath leading him into a coughing fit 
“mingi you can breathe, y’know!” you giggled in between words
after the young boy had caught his breath from hacking away at his lungs, he smiled at you 
until- the teacher had came into the bathroom, scolding mingi for going into the girls’ restroom
even though mingi didn’t care at all that he got in trouble, the only thing he cared about was that you were feeling better
ever since then whenever you were sad or having a bad day mingi would whip out his phone and ask siri to rap while he free-styled over the monotone voice 
he literally still does it
even two years into your relationship-
“siri, can you rap for me?” mingi would ask his phone as he pointed his free arm at you
“boots and cats-”
“mingi, please no.” you laughed in between tears, your mood rising with every beat
wooyoung:
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i wholeheartedly believe that wooyoung would kiss you face if you were sad
but the first time this happened, you guys were still fairly new into your relationship
which meant that you weren’t completely ready to be extremely vulnerable around wooyoung 
because in your mind, letting someone see you at your lowest lows of means that you really trust and love someone to let them see you like that
you always wanted to be known as the strong person in the friend group
you were that glue that held everyone together
always listening to others and taking care of others before yourself
which is why wooyoung fell in love with you in the first place
he had never been in a relationship where someone was so caring and thoughtful of others that he was scared that he wouldn’t be enough for you and that you deserved better
of course, he didn’t tell you that right away but he confessed to you about that wayyy later in your relationship which is another story to be told
but one day, life was coming at you so fucking fast
assignments were piling up left and right and deadlines were literally every other day
and then there seemed to be an increase in the amount of angry karens at your work
and your patience was thinning everyday with those people
then to top it all off, all the tests you’ve been studying for, you got mediocre grades, some even worse in other subjects
it just felt like no matter how much work you put into whatever you do, you got half ass results
it was just pushing your mental health further into the ground
you could handle a C every once in awhile but multiple? on back to back tests? no fucking way you just couldn’t
those stupid, dark thoughts would cloud your mind in an instant and on days like this, you would just let them consume you
you were too tired to pick yourself up again and fight back which led to you crying in wooyoung’s arms
usually, you would feel so embarrassed crying over things like this when you know other people have it worse but you couldn’t hold in it anymore 
you ranted about yourself in between your hiccups from crying which would hurt wooyoung’s heart a little bit
because he thought of you as such a strong and kind person- the complete opposite of what you were saying about yourself
so when you were done talking, wooyoung made you look at him and assured you that you were not any of those nasty things that you said about yourself
each insult turned into a thoughtful compliment accompanied by a kiss
“y/n, you are so intelligent-” 
kiss
“caring-”
kiss
“beautiful-”
kiss
“more than everything i ever wanted”
kiss
by the time wooyoung was done, you were a giggling mess
“and this is why i love you.”
he finally kissed you on your lips, smiling into it like the dork he is
it was the first ever time he told you that he loved you
jongho:
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i am also a firm believer that jongho would sing his s/o to sleep
like with that heavenly voice of his, he better put them to sleep 
so on the first night you ever slept with jongho, you were too nervous to go to bed even though your body was screaming at you to close your eyes 
you kept tossing and turning every few minutes or your eyes would shoot open with your heart racing
at this point, you gave up on trying to sleep and got up (carefully to not wake up your sleeping boyfriend) to get a drink
while you were in the kitchen, clutching your chest in an effort to get yourself to calm down, jongho had stirred awake to an empty bed
a flash of panic surged through his body as he momentarily forgot where he was since he wasn’t at his dorm his room never looked this clean 
yawning, the vocalist would wander into the light with his eyes squinted, “y/n?”
“oh my god!” you jumped, water almost spilling out your glass
jongho covered his ears, “what are you doing up?”
“oh,” you felt your cheeks turn red since you felt bad for waking your boyfriend up. “i can’t sleep.”
“why?” he asked, walking towards the couch.
“i don’t know.” you answered as you followed close behind. 
you curled up next to jongho, clutching his shirt “i’m sorry for waking you up.”
jongho smiled tiredly at you before kissing your head, “don’t be. it’s okay. i don’t have work tomorrow anyways.”
you smiled in response before the two of you guys fell into a silence
“do you want me to sing you to sleep?”
“yes, please.” you murmured into his side as jongho placed his other arm around you, successfully trapping you in between his arms
he began singing softly into your ear as he stroked your hair
his warm voice coaxing your eyes to close 
at last, your mind was at peace with itself
your heart beat slowing down
and by the time the song was finished you were fast asleep in arms
jongho kissed your forehead once more 
“i love you.”
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mypoisonedvine · 4 years ago
Text
Seeing Red | bodyguard!Bucky Barnes x actress!reader (part 3)
(part 1) (part 2) 
series summary: bucky used to brag that he didn’t have a celebrity crush, or really care about famous people at all, which is what made him the perfect person to start working for a celebrity like yourself.  except, of course, it’s just his luck that he’d fall for you.  
word count: 3k
chapter warnings: mention of past sexual harassment, very mature karaoke (lol), mention of pornography
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Day 63 and you still hadn’t talked about it.  He’d actually gotten to know you a lot better over the past two months, even almost confessing his feelings for you with that stupid half-asleep storybook thing he’d done way back when, but you still hadn’t talked about the night you saw him looking in the rearview mirror.
Tonight actually reminded him of that night; this time was a premiere, for a movie you hadn’t actually been in but apparently you were supposed to go anyways?  He didn’t get it but he figured he didn’t need to.  As long as you came back alone this time, he’d be happy.
Of course, when he saw you step out to the car to leave for the venue, he was confident that would be impossible— not that you ever looked bad on a red carpet or anything, but wow… this was different.
“It’s not too slutty, is it?” you asked him nervously, spinning around to show him the back.  Don’t look at her ass don’t look at her ass don’t look at her ass—   
“Just slutty enough,” he responded with a gloved thumbs up.
“Perfect,” you smiled, and he opened the door for you to get in the back.  He took a moment to catch his breath before circling around to the driver’s side.
You actually chatted with him on the way, which was a new thing you two had started doing when he drove you.  He looked forward to your talks a lot— especially the ones where you ranted about whatever was on your mind.  You would usually apologize for rambling but he liked it; and, you were cute when you got really worked up about something, even if he thought it was kind of trivial.
As he pulled up to the red carpet, with cameras flashing and the indistinguishable yelling of reporters and fans, you shot him a look as if you didn’t want to go.
“Everything alright?” he asked.
“Oh, yeah,” you shook your head incredulously, “I just… I wish you would’ve come and seen it.”
He recalled a few weeks back when you offered him a ticket to the premiere showing, but he’d insisted on just sticking to what he knew and letting your assistant have the spare ticket.  “I’ll catch it on Netflix,” he dismissed.
“No, I mean, I wish you were coming with me,” you explained.
Was it hot in here, all of a sudden?  Because his cheeks felt warm.  “Uh, you don’t want me in there.  I always fall asleep in theaters anyways.  Just go have fun and I’ll catch you after.”
“Okay,” you nodded with an adorable little smile.
So he waited, wondering if he should’ve taken you up on it all those weeks ago, but decided he probably made the right call.  He would just embarrass you in a place like that, more than likely, and you had enough to deal with already.  He felt more useful waiting in the wings than being in the spotlight, to use a fittingly-timed theater metaphor.
It was a few hours of him killing time in the car, but he got to relax a little more since the event already had pretty good security on its own.  You’d recommended a book called Flowers for Algernon to him, even lending him your copy for the time being, and so he leaned his seat back and picked up where he’d left off from this morning.  Of course, if he had known that you’d be gone long enough for him to finish, and that the ending was going to make him cry, he probably wouldn’t have read it.  WIth his luck, it was inevitable that he’d be all but sobbing when you texted him to pull the car around.
Wiping his tears and hoping his eyes wouldn’t be too red, he tossed the book into the glovebox and started the engine.  You waved cheerily when you saw him from the entrance, and he attempted to navigate through all the other cars pulling up so he could reach you.  Thankfully, you didn’t have a new friend with you this time— or an old friend.  Jealousy crisis averted, for now.
“How was it?” he asked with a smile as you opened the door and slipped in, unable to hide how happy he was to see you.
“The premiere itself was a lot of fun, I got to see some people I hadn’t seen in ages; the movie, though?  Sort of pretentious,” you admitted as you shut the door and he got the car moving again.  “And way too long!  I could watch movies all day, but that doesn’t mean I want to watch a movie all day!”
“Fair enough,” he laughed.
“What did you do?” you asked innocently.
“I finished your book,” he frowned, trying not to think about it so he wouldn’t get emotional again.  
“Ah, I can tell you’re still a little hurt about it,” you smiled mischievously.  “Should’ve warned you about the ending.”
“No, no,” he disagreed, “it’s not a bad ending just because it’s a sad one… it was a good book.”
You’d already been smiling, but your smile undeniably changed as he watched it in the rearview mirror.  Something softer, something more sensitive.  He liked this one better.  “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
Just in time to interrupt the moment, you saw something on the passing street outside that caught your attention.
“Ooh, karaoke!” you piped up, pressing your face against the inside of the window excitedly.  “Pull over!”
He chuckled at how easily distracted you were, but did as you’d asked.  He barely found time to slow down to a stop before you were opening the door and running out, flashing your ID to get inside.
He groaned as he realized how completely unsafe it was for you to be in a bar… especially now, when you were at your most recognizable and literally still wearing what you’d had on at the premiere.  Thankfully, he managed to pull the car around and park in the closest spot he could find, jogging to join you inside the bar and hoping you hadn’t already made too much of a scene.  His hopes were dashed the moment he pushed through the door, however.
“Is she perverted like me?  Would she go down on you in a theater?” you sang along with the grungy backing track of Alanis Morrisette’s You Oughta Know; your lips were curled into a faux snarl as you stood on stage with your heels in one hand and the microphone in the other.
Bucky’s head fell into his hands, looking around to see hundreds of bar patrons, nearly all of them with their phones out filming you.
“Don’t do anything stupid,” Bucky mumbled to himself, hoping you would somehow hear it and take his advice.  Instead, you pantomimed sucking a dick with a cute little wink and everyone cheered.  “Jesus fucking Christ.”
“And I’m here, to remind you,” you continued, jumping around wildly; you looked like you were having the time of your life, honestly.  If he wasn’t so worried about you, he would’ve let himself smile seeing you so happy.
During the bridge, you stole someone’s water off their table and poured a bit on your head, slicking your hair back and shivering from the cold.  There was something about the water dripping down your face, starting to soak your clothes and make your skin glisten...
Bucky glanced around to make sure no one was looking at him before subtly adjusting his jeans.
He watched you sing the entire song, making most of the notes and definitely capturing the anger of the original song— if clearly having a lot more fun with it than most would.  The entire bar cheered when you finished, and you took a moment to take some pictures with people and meet a few fans, which he thought was sweet even if his bodyguard instincts forced him to interrupt after a moment.
“Alright, that’s enough,” he guided you away gently.
“Goodnight!” you waved goodbye to someone who was already buried in her phone and posting the photo you’d taken with her.
“Have a good time?” he asked sarcastically as the two of you began to walk out together.
“Would’ve been better if you hadn’t been glaring at me the whole time,” you smirked.
“I wasn’t glaring, I was just… watching.  You have a good voice, you know.”
You seemed surprised by the compliment.  “Oh.  Thanks.”
“And your stage presence is certainly… energetic,” he grinned.  “I bet your little charade is already trending.”
“I checked, and it is,” you giggled, showing him your phone for a moment where Twitter was open and you were the #7 topic in the United States and climbing.  “And the part where I poured that water on myself is pretty gif-able, don’t you think?”
He raised a brow as he held the back door of the bar open as you slipped back on your heels and walked past him.  “Is that why you did it?  For the reaction?”
“I did it cause it was fun,” you corrected.  “You wouldn’t know anything about that.  And the water thing was just practical, I was getting hot in this dress.”
That didn’t seem to be a problem anymore with the way you shivered in the night air as he walked you through the parking lot.  “Want my jacket?” he offered.
“No,” you frowned, but you eyed the leather with a hungry stare.  He chuckled and took it off, draping it over your shoulders anyways.  “How far is the car?” 
“Uh, a block?  Not much parking this time of night,” he explained.
“Ugh, these heels,” you groaned, “they hurt so bad.  I don’t know if I can make it.”  You began to slip them off but he stopped you.
“You can’t go barefoot out here, god knows what’s on the ground,” he shuddered; what if there was broken glass or something?
“Well, I can’t wear these,” you frowned, “and I probably shouldn’t be walking on asphalt in red bottoms anyway…”
He probably should’ve warned you before he scooped you up into his arms, but it was sort of instinct and he kinda forgot to say anything first.  You squealed a little but then went lax in his grip.
“You’re gonna carry me the whole way?” you asked incredulously.
“It’s only a block,” he shrugged, adjusting you in his arms a bit before starting the walk. 
It got quiet after that, the cool night air rustling the trees and blowing through his hair— frankly, he was a little chilly without his jacket, but it looked better on you anyhow.  The drive home was quiet, too, or at least quieter than usual, but it didn’t feel awkward, necessarily.  It didn’t feel like a lull in the conversation; it felt more like the conversation had just changed from verbal to non-verbal.  You both looked around at the city lights surrounding you on the drive, silent because there was nothing that needed to be said.  It wasn’t nervous, or tense, or anxiety-inducing like most of his interactions with you (or with anyone) could be.
It felt like time spent with an old friend.  He hadn’t known you long enough for that to be accurate, but he was happy to think of you as a new friend.  He just hoped you thought the same.
Arriving at the house, he dropped you off at the front and watched you make a mad dash for the stairs and presumably your bedroom, smiling to himself as he parked the car and came in to follow you.  He saw his jacket tossed onto the couch and your expensive shoes discarded right by the door.  Going upstairs and peeking into your room, he saw your limp form flopped onto the bed, your back exposed from the low cut of the dress.
“You’d better not get comfortable, you’ll kill me if I let you fall asleep with all that makeup on,” he frowned, leaning against the doorway.
"I couldn't fall asleep yet, anyways.  I'm wired."
“Any plans to burn off all that energy?” he pressed.
You groaned a little as you sat up, starting to unclasp all the jewelry on your wrists, around your neck, and on your ears.  “It’ll take me a while to get out of all of this— but not as long as it took me to get into it,” you laughed.  “Then I’m thinking TV and beers.”
“Beers?” he questioned, emphasizing the plural.  “You plannin’ to get toasted right before you go to sleep?”
“No, it’s plural because there’s one beer for me and one beer for you,” you explained with the slightest air of condescension, but he couldn’t really think of it as rude since it was an invitation.
“I don’t want to intrude on your chill evening,” he refuted.
“No, really, you’re not intruding!” you insisted, standing up and setting the jewelry on a nightstand before approaching him and turning to face away from him.  “Will you unzip me please?”
He stammered a little.  “I don’t… see a zipper,” he admitted with a weak voice.
“It’s on the side here, see?” you lifted your arm a bit, and pointed to it.  
Reaching out to touch your zipper was reminiscent of that old boardgame Operation: he needed to touch the zipper and only the zipper, cause if he bumped into anything else nearby, he got the feeling he’d get zapped.
His breath caught a bit as he watched more and more of your skin become exposed, the zipper ending up so low that he could just barely see the top of something lacy around your hips— and he had to stop there because anything more could induce cardiac arrest.  
“Thanks!” you piped up happily, slipping away to your closet to do the rest in private.  “Will you get the beers while I take my makeup off?” you requested through the shut door.
“Sure,’ he replied, turning to leave but realizing he should ask first: “Shiner or Pabst?” 
“Don’t patronize me,” you grumbled, and he laughed because it was a stupid question.  Trodding downstairs, he grabbed the Shiners from the fridge, stopping to check his phone only to see that it had started to automatically send him headlines pertaining to you.
‘Touch of Blood’ star gives impromptu karaoke performance at Queens dive bar!
He laughed at the picture of you onstage, even though he thought it was kind of reductive to describe you by a movie you’d been in so long ago when you had so much great new stuff coming out.  Jumping back up the stairs, beers in hand, he found you makeup-free (aside from some leftover mascara and eyeliner that hadn’t really made it all the way off) and in a robe, laying on the bed as you pointed the remote at your TV.  He thought you looked almost more beautiful like this than you did on the red carpet; of course, objectively, everybody looks better when they’ve been painted to the point of perfection, but he liked the domesticity of this.  When you were casual and relaxed like this, he could almost, almost pretend you were his girlfriend or something.  And not, you know, a global superstar and his employer.
“Beer me,” you requested as he sat down next to you, handing you a bottle and trying to ignore the thorough view of your legs he was getting in that robe.
“Anything good on?” he prompted as he watched you scroll through the channels on the guide.
“Uh, not particularly,” you frowned.  
“They’re showing a game,” he pointed out as you passed the sports channels.
“I’d rather watch this pay-per-view porn,” you rolled your eyes.
He cleared his throat but said nothing because he was confident there was no good response to that.
“Hey, I’m in this!” you beamed, changing the channel quickly.  He nearly had a heart attack until he realized you weren’t scrolling through the porn channels anymore.
He recognized the film instantly as the one of yours that he’d seen the most, for one very embarrassing and slightly sinister reason; looking down to the corner, he saw the HBO logo and realized it wasn’t going to be edited.  His palms got a little clammy but he tried not to worry about it too much.
“Oh, this girl was super nice,” you remembered as you pointed to a character on-screen.  “She had a bigger role but most of it got edited out.”
“That must be a bummer,” he imagined.
“Eh, it happens,” you shrugged.  “Beats getting fired, or recast in the sequel.”
“Have you ever been fired during filming?” he pressed, morbidly curious.
“Once,” you nodded.  “We were only a few days into it so they had no trouble finding somebody new and redoing my scenes.  Just think: I could’ve been a Bond girl if I’d slept with that producer.”
“You— what?!” he squawked.  “You got fired because you wouldn’t have sex with a film exec?”
“I got fired because of ‘creative differences,’” you explained with exaggerated air quotes, “and, unrelatedly, those creative differences surfaced the morning after I refused to get down and dirty with the EP.”
“Jesus,” he shook his head, “that’s… I hope you told someone.”
“Yeah, anonymously.  Somebody will care someday, but not yet.  He’s still too profitable, and not enough people have come forward.”
He glanced over at you, admiring your profile as you kept your eyes on the TV and took a sip of your beer.  When you turned your head and looked back at him, he realized he’d been staring a bit too long.
“What?” you asked, quirking your brow a bit. 
“What?” he repeated.
“You’re staring at me,” you frowned.
“Sorry, I was just… sorry,” he shook his head and looked back ahead.  What he found there wasn’t much less embarrassing, though: he knew all too well that this was the scene right before THE scene.  The scene he’d watched over and over until his arousal overpowered his shame.  The scene that he’d used to try to satisfy his crush on you, but it only made it worse.  The scene that had burrowed into his mind and deepened his obsession even as he fought it with everything he had…
You know, that scene.  And he was about to watch it with you.  
Bucky was completely, entirely, and supremely fucked.
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stormyoceansmain · 3 years ago
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[im very much NOT a writer - i cannot stress this enough - but i truly mean it when i say sambucky is making me go insane. i find no other explanation for ending up writing 3.8k words of sambucky, alpine, and movie night. thank you if you decide to read this, i hope it's not too terrible]
Sam shows up at Bucky’s place for movie night with a case full of beers and ten minutes to spare.
Sarah makes fun of him for this Friday tradition they’ve been carrying out for the past few months, says he should just muster the courage to ask Bucky out on a proper date already. It doesn't matter how many times Sam told her he is just helping Bucky catch up to the 21st century, she always ends up giving him that Look that says she's not believing any words coming out of his mouth, which is kind of unfair, if you ask Sam.
Well, fine, maybe Sarah is right. Maybe Sam does want to take Bucky out on an actual date and hold his hand and kiss him goodnight and do all those sickeningly romantic stuff he used to daydream about when he was 16. Turns out former assassins who are incredibly annoying but also surprisingly kind are very much Sam's type. Go figure.
Still, they worked hard to reach the kind of friendship they currently have, and Sam doesn't want to lose that. He's also not blind to the way Bucky flirts with Sarah, and despite her insistence that Bucky does it more to rile Sam up than for any real interest in her, he’s not about to risk it all on a whim.
This resolution almost crumbles into dust a moment later, when Bucky opens the door wearing sweatpants and a blue shirt that matches his eyes. He is barefoot and his hair is getting longer, losing the harsh edges of the cut and curling slightly behind his ears. He is still all chiseled jawline and defined muscles, but he looks softer, more comfortable in his own skin, and the easy way he smiles at Sam makes a heavy warmth pool around Sam’s stomach.
“Hey,” Bucky greets him, sliding his metal arm around Sam's shoulders to pull him into a brief hug.
This, too, is something of a novelty. There's always been a sort of intense physicality about Bucky, both in how he carries himself and in how he is always aware of the bodies moving around him, but the casual affection, the playful abandon with which he touches and lets others touch him these days, feels like a wonder. Sam would have never expected it, and he had come to love and hate it at the same time.
“Hey yourself,” Sam greets back, splaying his free hand across Bucky's back, allowing himself to hold him there and breathe him in for a second, a fresh lemony smell coming off his hair, before giving him a quick pat on the shoulder and putting a respectable amount of space between them.
He buries his hands deep into the pocket of his jacket and follows Bucky inside, trying to resist the urge to slide his fingers under the hem of Bucky's shirt and feel the warm skin underneath it.
It's the first time Sam steps into Bucky’s apartment since Bucky took home the stray kitten he found on the side of the road three weeks ago, and the changes around it are staggering. Sam was used to empty spaces and few, essential furniture, but now the space in front of the window is occupied by a giant cat tower, and lots of smaller scratching posts are scattered all over the living room, along with different kinds of cat beds and toys.
“I see you redecorated,” Sam says with a grin.
Bucky shrugs, opening two of the beer bottles with a quick twist of his metal hand. “Cats need stuff.”
“Don’t get me wrong, I'm glad.” Sam grabs one of the bottle and clinks it against Bucky's. “Pets are great company and the place looks much better like this. I wouldn't have pinned you down as the crazy cat lady type, but it's always better than Robocop.”
Bucky rolls his eyes, takes a sip of his beer. Sam catches the smile he is trying to hide anyway.
Sam knocks their shoulders together, asks, “So where is she?”
“Hiding, probably,” Bucky says, as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. “She doesn't like strangers.”
Sam stops with the beer halfway to his mouth. “Excuse you,” he exclaims, outraged. “I very clearly remember accompanying you to the vet the first time you brought her in. I also sacrificed two of my shirts for her and have scars on my forearms where she scratched me to death. I think I deserve more than being considered a stranger. We basically co-parented that cat for the first few days!”
“That's nice,” Bucky deadpans. “Why don't you go tell her that? I'm sure the speech will convince her to keep the claws to herself.”
Sam glares at him and Bucky pats him on the arm. “Just relax,” he adds, turning to open the fridge and taking foods out for dinner. “If we let her be, Alpine will come out eventually.”
Bucky is right, of course. Sam had a few experiences with strays growing up, cats and dogs alike looking for shelter from Louisiana's storms under their porch, and no amount of treats he and Sarah tried to give them had been able to lure them out from their hiding spot. The best course of action in these cases was to wait, letting them come out when they felt safe enough.
It still weirdly feels like a rejection of some sort, but he tries not to let it show.
Sam takes a swig from his beer and asks, “Alpine?”
Bucky turns on the stove and shrugs again. He remains silent for a moment, a distant look on his face that Sam has learned to associate to memories better buried and forgotten. He is about to start telling Bucky about the science fair at the boys' school to change the subject, when Bucky speaks again, low and careful.
“She reminds me of the snow on the Alps.”
He doesn't elaborate on that, but Sam nods anyway, like he understands. He doesn't, like Bucky will never be able to fully understand what it means for Sam to carry the shield, but it's okay. They have each other, and that's still something.
Sam taps his foot against Bucky's bare one, watches Bucky's entire being exhale and relax. “Couldn't you have named her Snowflakes or something like that?”
Bucky levels him with a stare that tells him he would rather jump off another plane rather than calling his cat ‘Snowflakes’, and Sam laughs.
The far off look in Bucky’s eyes melts away and they fall into an easy rhythm, Sam sitting at the kitchen table and talking about some renovations he and Sarah would like to do to the house, Bucky cutting the vegetables to sauté.
They have moved on to argue about the best way to season chicken breasts – you cannot leave cayenne pepper out of the spice blend – when Sam catches a flash of white out of the corner of his eyes, and interrupts himself mid-rant.
A second later, Alpine jumps on the kitchen counter, sniffing the air.
It's been only three weeks since Sam last saw her, but she's already grown a lot, and looks much better too: her fur is shiny and clean, her eyes bright, and the slight sprain that caused her to limp around seems to be completely healed.
Alpine lets out a soft chirping sound and headbutts Bucky's arm, rubbing her head against him.
The smile Bucky turns to her is blinding, and Sam has to look away before he ends up doing something stupid, like climb over the table and kiss him.
“I know you're here for the chicken,” Bucky tells her, scratching her behind the ears. “But you can't eat this one.”
He scoops her up with a single hand, ignoring the disapproving meow that follows, and deposits her on the table right next to Sam's arm. Sam freezes, unprepared for the sudden proximity and recalling how quickly she can turn around and scratch, but as soon as Bucky's hand retreats, she is moving away, giving Sam a wide berth. She doesn't go back into hiding, though, just settles on the corner farther away from him and stares him down in a way that reminds him so much of Bucky, Sam doesn't know if he wants to laugh or cry.
He is also struck by the sudden need to make Alpine like him.
“Is she gonna maul me if I try to give her a treat?” Sam asks.
Bucky tilts his head, considering, which does very little to reassure Sam about the safety of his fingers.
“I wouldn’t try hand-feeding her,” Bucky answers, fishing out a bag of treats from one of the cupboards. “But she likes to chase them.”
Alpine observes with quiet intensity as Bucky dumps a few treats into Sam's hands, and when Sam tosses one a few feet away she jumps down the table and runs after it, grabs it with a paw.
“Alright,” Sam declares, “that's pretty cute.”
Sam spends the next few minutes throwing treats at Alpine, inching them closer and closer to himself to test how willing she is to get near him with the proper incentive. The last one he places right in front of his feet, then he sits back and waits. Alpine hesitates, eyes flitting between him and the treat as to evaluate if it's safe enough, until finally she starts to move, slowly, slowly. She gets close enough to stretch her paw out, pull the treat towards herself and take it out of reach to eat somewhere else. Sam still takes it as a win.
Bucky clears his throat and announces that dinner is ready, so Sam leaves Alpine alone and helps him set the table.
Dinner is nice. Bucky makes a glazed chicken with honey and garlic that it's to die for, which Sam finds utterly unfair, considering he comes from a time where spices were believed to be a menace to the public.
He still goes back for seconds, and by the time they move to the living room to watch the movie, Sam feels full and content.
He finds Alpine curled up on one end of the couch, and while he believes they made some progress in their relationship, he doesn’t think either of them is ready to bring it to the next level, so he takes the seat on the other side, careful not to disturb her.
Bucky doesn’t say anything about it, just flops down between Sam and the cat with ease, his knee bumping into Sam’s.
This week they are watching the second movie in The Hobbit trilogy, if only for the horrified look in Bucky’s face when Sam told him that not only they made a movie out of the book, but that they actually managed to stretch it into three. Bucky, it turns out, is one of those people who notices every little changes from the original material, disapproves of them on principle, and is very vocal about his displeasure, exactly like the old man he actually is.
Sam had almost fell off the couch laughing during the first movie, and it had taken him a while to convince Bucky to give the other two a chance. Maybe it was a little assholey of him, knowing that it only gets worse, but just because he likes the guy it doesn’t mean Sam doesn’t want to subject him to some bad cinema for his own entertainment. After all, that’s what friends are for.
It doesn't take long for the comments to start up again. Bucky holds up for thirty minutes, rolling his eyes and grumbling under his breath from time to time, but then Legolas and Tauriel show up and Bucky turns his head to look at Sam, face completely blank, says, “Who the fuck are these people.”
Sam bursts out laughing, and it only gets worse when they reach the scene between Kili and Tauriel in the Woodland Realm: Bucky throws his hands up, exclaims, “Oh, come on,” and starts complaining about how they made the dwarf hot just to add a romance. It has Sam in stitches, and he has to grab onto Bucky's shoulder to stay upright and not end up falling into Bucky's lap.
The tirade ends with Bucky sulking and shaking his head, and Sam is glad for the temporary reprieve just so he can catch his breath. He feels flushed and warm, cheeks hurting from smiling, and the quiet is comfortable, familiar.
After a while, his eyes grow heavy, and he realizes he nodded off only when a light weight sets on his shoulder, jerking him awake.
The movie has ended, screen back on the Netflix title page, and Bucky fell asleep as well, head drooping until it had come to rest against Sam’s body.
The metal arm is glinting gold and blue in the light, and Sam stares down at it, then up at the lines of Bucky’s face, the soft waves of his hair. It always surprises him how vulnerable Bucky looks like this, how younger, and it’s so hard to remember there was a time Sam had actually been scared of him, of what he could do. Now, he would trust Bucky with anything. His life, his family, his home. His heart, too, if Bucky ever wanted it.
Sam knows he should wake him up, send him to bed so he can sleep comfortably there while Sam stretches out on the couch, but he also knows that Bucky still has trouble sleeping sometimes, and Sam doesn't have the heart to wake him up if it isn't really necessary. He’s well aware it's also a little bit selfish, because it's nice, having Bucky this close, warm and solid and smelling of lemon.
Sam takes a deep breath and rests his head on top of Bucky's. He thought he could handle this thing he has for Bucky, keep it under control, but he’s starting to realize he might have actually underestimated the size of his own feelings, which could become a serious problem in the future.
For now, though, Sam closes his eyes and lets himself have this.
The next time Sam wakes up, it's to something walking all over him. He blinks against the sudden light and when his vision clears, he finds Alpine sitting on his lap.
Sam stares at her, wondering for a moment if he is still asleep and dreaming all of this up, but his neck is sore, his arm heavy from Bucky resting against it in his sleep; there’s the beginning of a headache pulsing behind is eyes, and a pressure in his bladder telling him he should probably get up.
Alpine sniffs at his shirt and Sam tentatively raises his free hand, strokes a finger between her ears. She leans into the touch, head tilting up and guiding Sam's hand under her chin. Sam tries really hard not to shriek with delight.
“Oh, you're a sweetheart,” he says, a grin spreading out across his face. “Just like your owner. All tough and fierce on the outside, but adorable and charming on the inside.”
Alpine meows back at him, like she agrees with that statement, and Sam tenses up, glances at the steady rise and fall of Bucky's chest.
“We gotta be quiet,” he tells Alpine, petting her down her side. “We don't want to wake him up.”
“I'm already awake,” comes Bucky's voice next to him.
Sam's entire body jerks in surprise, and Alpine leaps off him, startled.
“Man, don't you do that ever again,” Sam says, a hand placed over his chest. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”
Bucky hums, sounding way more amused than he has any right to be, and sits up.
Blood rushes back into Sam's arm, and while Sam is glad to start feeling it again, he's already mourning the loss of contact between them. Except Bucky doesn't go far, just adjusts his position to angle his body towards Sam and rest his head on the back of the couch. It's easier to look at each other, like this, but they are now so close that Bucky's soft breaths are hitting the exposed line of skin above Sam's shirt, the hollow of his neck, making him shiver.
“So,” Bucky says, dragging the word out, lips tilting up at the corner. “I'm adorable and charming?”
Shit.
Of course Bucky would hear that, that's just Sam's luck. God, he is never going to speak again. He will take a vow of silence like in one of those monastic orders and move some place far and secluded where he won't be able to embarrass himself anymore.
He swallows, makes himself let out a laugh. It's meant to be mocking, but it sounds more nervous than anything else. “I think old age is making you hear things,” Sam still tries to deflect, “I clearly said annoying and self-centered.”
Bucky jabs him in the side with a metal finger. “Nice try, Samuel,” Bucky says, grinning widely. “But I've been told I'm a sweetheart.”
Sam's cheeks heat up. “I was talking about Alpine!”
He wonders if maybe T'Challa would let him hide in Wakanda for a while, just long enough for Sam to regain some kind of dignity. He hopes against all hopes that Bucky will have mercy of him and drop the subject, but of course Bucky doesn't. Sam wouldn't either, if their roles were switched.
“You said she is like her owner,” Bucky points pout, eyes bright and so very blue. He pokes Sam in the ribs again. “Which means, you think I’m a sweetheart, too.”
Sam bats his hand away. He may have embarrassed himself and he's lucky if he ends up this night without Bucky realizing Sam has feelings for him, but he is Captain frigging America. If he has to go down, he will go down fighting.
“What you are, it’s a nuisance,” Sam says. “And a creep. Who the hell pretends to be asleep when they are actually awake?”
“I wasn't pretending, you just assumed I was still sleeping.”
“Anyone would assume that, if you don't say anything.”
“I thought you were going to move as soon as you woke up, it's not my fault you didn't.”
“I was trapped between your heavy ass and your cat. What's your excuse for not moving?”
The argument comes to a halt, an awkward silence stretching between them as Bucky lowers his eyes, scratches the back of his neck. He clears his throat, shrugs.
“Your shoulder is nice,” he says in the end.
It's Bucky's turn to blush, a darker pink dusting his cheeks, and Sam feels like he missed something important.
“My shoulder?” Sam repeats.
Bucky doesn't answer him for a moment, then he straightens up on the couch, rolls back his shoulders like he is bracing himself. He looks up at Sam, and all Sam can see are his eyes.
“It’s comfortable,” Bucky whispers. “And I always sleep better when you’re around.”
Sam's mouth is suddenly very dry, and his heart is drumming against his chest in a way he has come to associate with diving down in midair, or dropping from a high place before his wings open up. This, too, feels a little like falling.
“Buck,” Sam says, because he thinks they are on the verge of something here, but he needs to be sure, doesn't want to mess this up and do something he's going to regret just because his head wants so desperately to see what's not actually there. “You gotta tell me if I'm reading this wro--”
Bucky kisses him.
It's a short kiss, just a soft press of Bucky's lips against his own and he's already gone, moving back to look at Sam with wide eyes, face open and vulnerable.
“Okay?” Bucky asks, and if he didn't sound so uncertain, like he's expecting Sam to push him away at any moment, Sam would laugh at how much of an idiot they both are.
Instead, he holds Bucky's chin between his fingers and pulls him back in. The kiss is deeper this time, turns into a wet slide of tongues and a harsh grate of stubble that makes Sam's insides feel tangled and hot. Bucky's arm slides around Sam's waist, and Sam moves his hand from Bucky's chin into his hair, grips it in a way that makes Bucky exhale sharply into his mouth. Sam wants to touch him everywhere, and he moves his free hand to do just that when a long, loud meow interrupts them.
They break apart just in time for Alpine to jump on the couch and sprawl in the space between them.
Bucky huffs out a small laugh, pets her from head to tail. He looks lovely, with his hair sticking up in odd places from Sam's fingers raking through it, his lips red from kissing, and Sam itches to go back for more, to lay him down and map every single part of Bucky's body with his mouth. He has, however, a horrible feeling about this.
“We will never be able to do anything with her around, won't we?” Sam asks, voicing his thoughts out loud.
Bucky sends him an amused smile. “Someone feels confident.”
Sam rolls his eyes, bumps their knees together. “Says the one who was about to climb on top of me.”
He's pretty sure he was the one grabbing and pulling Bucky closer, actually, but it doesn't seem like Bucky is going to call him out on it.
“It was a good kiss,” Bucky says, smile going soft at the edges, turning shyer.
“It really was,” Sam agrees, and because Sarah is always right, even if he'll never admit it in front of her, he adds, “Wanna go out on a proper dinner, see a movie? Maybe do the kissing part again?”
He's not expecting the way Bucky's lips drop down at those words, and Sam's heart sinks. Maybe he did read this wrong, after all. Maybe Bucky wanted to keep things casual, no string attached, and Sam just ruined everything. He tries to tell himself it was better to know that now, before things got too serious on his side, but it gives him very little comfort.
Bucky takes a deep breath, lets it out in a huff. “I don’t know, man,” he says. “If you make me watch another one of these godawful movies I’m afraid I'm gonna have to break up with you before this relationship even starts.”
Sam blinks at him, then bursts out laughing, sudden and loud. “God, you're an asshole,” he declares, but there's no heat behind it, and when he searches for Bucky's hand, Bucky intertwines their fingers together, places a kiss on the back of Sam's hand as an apology.
“I’m lucky you have terrible tastes, then,” Bucky says.
Sam really has questionable tastes, and if you had told him a few years ago that this was how his life was going to turn out, he would have probably laughed, or worse, tried to stop it from happening. But now, sitting there with Bucky grinning at him and Alpine purring between them, he feels lucky too.
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ushiwhore · 4 years ago
Text
Contentment
Tendou x Reader , Oneshot!
Warnings: Fake Dating. Curse Words. Unrequited Love. Angst. 
 Word Count: 3,338
Being best friends with your crush and his best friend has its benefits, but it also has its disadvantages. Especially when feelings are at stake. 
Read the second part: click here
It was lunch and you were sitting in the library with Tendou and Ushijima, talking about how their days were going and the practice that would be held later. Everything was going swell up until now. 
“There’s someone in my class that I really like, and it’s driving me crazy because we’ve been talking but it seems like it’s going nowhere.” Tendou huffed as he shoved more rice into his mouth. 
Ushijima and you shared a look of confusion. How come he hadn't brought this person up sooner? Your mind felt hazy as you tried to remember if perhaps he’d talked about them before and you weren't paying attention. 
Impossible, you always listened to him talk about his days with such adoration. Making sure he knew you were listening and that you cared. Always. 
“Eh? Y/N? Ushi? No response? Help me out here please.” Tendou snapped you out of your thoughts, a small pout on his lips, his cheeks no longer stuffed with rice. 
“Uh- What’s this about a love interest?? How come you hadn’t told us sooner? Ushi and I could’ve been like your very own wingman and wingwoman, y’know?” You let out a small chuckle to follow your statement, wanting to seem as casual as possible. As unbothered - with your crush/ best friend having found someone they like - as humanly possible. 
“Well I didn’t want to say anything until I was sure.. Been talking for a whole month! Now I’m kinda hooked.” He admitted. Ushijima wasn’t necessarily sure what to say, but his eyes were glued to you, noticing that something was off.
Now that you thought of it, Tendou HAD been smiling at his phone more often. He was so cheerful, but that was how he usually was. It made you feel so stupid. This whole time, you thought it had been because of you. He was happier whenever you guys hung out because he’d been talking to whoever it is he liked.
“What are you going to do about it?” Ushijima asked, tilting his head curiously. All you could do was simply sit and stare as Tendou began to discuss his big plan. 
“It’s clear that she thinks I’m gonna wait around for her, so I want to show her that I’m wanted elsewhere, y’know? I wanna show her that if she doesn't get on it, somebody else will.” The whole time, there was a wide smile on his lips, his enthusiasm spilling. You and Ushijima were nodding along as he spoke, and once he was done, he looked at you expectantly. 
“... Satori? Don’t look at me like that-” 
“Y/N Pleaseeeee?? Just for a few days, a week, maybe?” 
“What exactly do you want me to do??” 
“Just the usual. Let’s hang out but instead I’ll post about you and we can be flirty whenever she’s around. I just want her to see what could’ve been. Or maybe make her see what she’s missing out. AKA me~” 
Ushijima was looking at you, giving you a look that screamed “This is not a good idea. You’re going to regret this so much.” 
Why? Because he knew about your feelings. You had even ranted to him about Tendou whenever your crush on your best friend got to be too frustrating. As perceptive as everyone knew Tendou to be, it all went to hell when it came to you. He thought he had you all figured out, so your blushing states and the flirty banter just went over his head. You were friend zoned before you even had your chance to confess or anything. Not that you would ever- it wasn't your style. Plus, you didn't want to ruin a perfectly good friendship. 
Despite the look he was giving you, and your common sense screaming at you to not be the biggest fucking idiot on this planet, you agreed to help him out. 
He let out a laugh, clapping his hands happily before wrapping an arm around you. “Well, lover of mine.. how about a date tomorrow?” He raised an eyebrow as he looked at you curiously. 
It was so hard to contain the blush that creeped onto your cheeks, you were burning up just with his gaze and arm on you. A small sigh could be heard escaping from Ushi’s lips. He knew there was tons of texts and calls coming from you in the next couple of days.
°•°•°•°•°
A few days later, it was lunch time again. Tendou was sitting beside you with his arm wrapped around your waist as you both ate. Ushijima had to stay back in a class to retake a quiz the teacher thought he could’ve done better on.
“They’re staring y’know?” he hummed softly as he offered you some of his food. You gladly ate it, a small blush on your cheeks again. “Are they now?”
“Mhm. She’s staring too.” 
Fuck. There it was. It’s not like you’d forgotten that this was all to make the girl jealous, but it had been nice to push it to the back of your mind and just enjoy his arms around you. “Ah. That’s good then.” you replied, trying to stop the lump in your throat from forming by focusing on your food.
He leaned in and placed a few kisses on your cheek and jaw. And it brought you flashbacks of last night when he had walked you to your dorm. 
“So, lover of mine, what am I allowed to do and what’s crossing the line?” 
You two had your fingers intertwined as he swung your hands back and forth gently. You were biting at your lip, eyebrows furrowed slightly in concentration. 
“Hugs. Cheek kisses are fine.. hand holding. The basics, I guess? Or what else do couples do?”
“Kiss on the lips.”
“Right- Would.. would that be necessary?” 
“Mmm I don't think so. You’re already doing so much for me, Y/N. I really do appreciate you, our friendship, and everything you’ve done for me.” 
He stopped walking, you were both standing outside your dorm now. Hearing him say all of this would typically make your heart flutter and your stomach do flips. But now.. now it made you feel like shit. Friendship was all you’d ever have with him. He appreciated you as a friend. You looked down at your shoes, them seeming much more interesting than the tall man who stood before you with the softest smile on his lips. 
You felt a small kiss against your cheek before he softly pat your head. “Love ya tons, Y/N. I’ll come pick you up in the morning so we can walk to classes together, yeah?” 
The heat easily returned to your cheeks after the small kiss was placed on your cheek. All you could do was nod, unlocking your front door. Once it was opened, you stepped inside and turned to look at him. 
“Goodnight, Satori.” 
“Goodnight, Y/N.” 
“Well, you two got cozy fast..” 
The deep voice brought you back into reality. You had been snuggling into Tendou’s side as he continued to eat, not really bothered by the silence that had taken over the table as you thought about the night before. 
“Not like we didn’t do this before.” Tendou pointed out. 
“I guess you’ve got a point. But well, I aced my quiz.” 
“Look at you, ace of Shiratorizawa’s Volleyball Club and ace of the math tests.” you smiled at him, reaching out to give him a small pat on his shoulder, slipping out of Tendou’s embrace.
Ushijima smiled softly at that, “Thanks Y/N. Apparently I missed some of the points since my work was right but I bubbled in the wrong ones.” 
“Too focused on volleyball, as always Ushi.” You hummed, offering him one of the snacks you’d bought earlier. 
“Not always. But what were you guys doing anyway?” He asked as he took the snack, throwing another small smile your way to show he appreciated it. 
“We were roleplaying as boyfriend and girlfriend and everybody was staring. Even y’know who.” Tendou said with a smile. 
You playfully cringed at that, “I’m going to break up with you if you say it like that again.” 
“Not yet, Y/N! Wait until the end of the week please.” He hummed before picking up his phone and getting distracted by a notification. 
There it was. The sinking feeling at the pit of your stomach. Wait until the end of the week. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Your gaze met Ushijima’s and he gave you that same look from yesterday.
“She texted me!” he cheered happily. 
I’ve made a mistake. That’s what your eyes screamed as you kept eye contact with Ushijima. 
I know you did, is what his eyes said back. 
°•°•°•°•°
You were sitting beside Tendou on a field, enjoying an ice cream cone. He'd already had his photoshoot moment with you. He’d taken pictures of you shyly covering your face with the ice cream cone and uploaded it with captions you two would usually make fun of. You were all over his story too. Photos and videos he had taken of you while you did stupid shit. He’d even saved some onto his memories. 
“We’ve gotten a lot of support.” He said, breaking the silence.
You two had laughed so much it made your tummy hurt. It was like whenever you hung out with him prior to the heartbreaking revelation. But now it was bittersweet since the reason behind these hangouts were to get someone else to like him. 
“Has she hit you up?” You asked, unable to hide the bitter tone that slipped along with your words. He raised an eyebrow at your tone, but nodded. “Yeah. She was pretty straight forward.. asked me if you and I were dating. I told her I might just cuff you.”  
“That’s good then, right? She's clearly interested in a relationship now.” You said, the smile on your lips not reaching your eyes. “Tendou.. is it okay if I head home? I’m feeling a bit tired. It’s been a long week.” 
He had a concerned look on his face but he nodded. “Of course. You should’ve said something earlier, Y/N.” He scolded, helping you stand up and starting to walk with you. 
“Ah, actually, is it okay if I walk back on my own? I have something to do real quick before I head to bed.”
Lie. It was a lie. You just didn't want him around right now. It hurt too much.
“Oh- Sure. I’ll see you at school then? Thanks for tonight. I had fun.”
“Me too. Goodnight Tendou.” You smiled and waved before walking off to your dorm, leaving a confused Tendou standing at the field. 
°•°•°•°•°
"You should've never agreed to it.." Ushijima said as he softly rubbed his hand up and down your back. Your hands were clutching onto his sweater, face buried into his chest as you cried your eyes out.
"I-I know.. but I can't ever say no to him.. I'm such a fucking idiot."
"You're not. You're just a very kind person, and sometimes people take advantage of that."
"I'm an idiot, Ushi.. fuck- Why did I agree to it?"
It'd been a whole two weeks since you had started that whole fake dating thing to get Tendou's crush to like him back, and it had taken a huge toll on you.
He could have his arms wrapped around you and be feeding you some snacks, when suddenly he'd pull away and say that she was gone, and there was no need for it anymore.
He'd take you out on dates and walk you home, making sure to notify you that she had texted him some flirty things, or had complimented how he looked on the pictures he had posted.
He would kiss your cheek and make you laugh, before bursting out into giggles with a "You should've seen the look on her face! She so wants me now."
She definitely did want him. She wanted him enough to reach out and ask how serious things were between you two. And if they weren't serious, how would lunch on Saturday sound? Perfect, it's a date.
He'd reached out to you over text, thanking you and praising you for even helping him through this unorthodox procedure, but that it wasn't necessary anymore. They would go on that date, and he'd planned on making it official then.
You sent a simple "Congrats, Satori! Have fun and be safe." And hid your phone away, heading to where you knew you'd be safe.
And that's how you ended up in Ushijima's arms, bawling your eyes out.
"I-I really thought Ushi.. I mean- I knew that we were doing it for horrible reasons.. but I thought maybe he'd see just how good WE would be together. Am I delusional, Ushi?"
"Not at all. I think you would've made a wonderful partner for Satori, or anyone, really."
You let out a small, bitter laugh at that. Clearly your best friend didn't see it like that. You pulled away from the embrace, wiping all the tears away and frowning at the sight of Ushijima's drenched sweatshirt.
"I'm so sorry.." you looked at his sweatshirt, "but thank you.. thank you so much for letting me in. I know it's late. Thanks for dealing with my bullshit."
"Of course, Y/N. You're just as important to me as Tendou, and I hate seeing you upset. I'm sorry he doesn't return your feelings."
You solemnly nodded, feeling sorry for yourself as well. The pain in your chest didn't seem to go away.
"What can we do, Toshi? It just wasn't meant to be. Plus. It's my fault. I knew it was strictly platonic fake dating. I let myself believe I had a chance. But it was clear I didn't."
Ushijima no longer knew how to respond, so he just gave you as much comfort as he could. With back rubs, hugs, and gently playing with your hair. All these actions allowed you to believe you'd be okay.
Even if Tendou Satori did not feel the same.
°•°•°•°•°
The date had apparently gone well, seeing as your lunch table was now occupied by Tendou, Ushijima, and the one and only. The one who had stolen your best friend's heart.
You stopped in your step as you saw her seated at the table. It seemed they were doing introductions. You knew you couldn't handle such thing right now, so you turned right around and walked to the library.
This did not go unseen by Ushijima, who excused himself by claiming that he had to print out some assignments for later.
"Have you seen Y/N? Did she come today?" Satori asked before letting the male part ways.
"Yes, she came. But she might be stuck in class or something. Enjoy the rest of your lunch." He politely excused himself before walking to the library where he knew you'd be.
Without a doubt, you were seated towards the back, face buried in your arms. He pulled a chair out and sat beside you. "Y/N."
You looked up, the pout evident on your lips. "Hey Toshi.. you didn't have to come, y'know?"
He nods, "I wanted to." You simply nod, looking down at the table before speaking again.
"She seems nice. She's really pretty. I can see why he was so set on making her his girlfriend."
"She's lovely. Very kind and charming." He admitted, much to your dismay. Of course she'd be perfect. That made it hurt even more. It made it obvious why he'd prefer someone like her over you.
"But you're also pretty, and very nice. He's missing out."
You looked up in shock at his words.
"You really mean that, Wakatoshi?"
The use of his name rather than the nicknames you usually called him was a pleasant and welcome surprise.
"Of course. There's no reason for you to be upset. You're strong, and I know you can get over this."
You couldn't help but notice how unusually talkative Ushijima had been recently. His comfort was on another level. He was saying all the right things. It was healing you, even if you didn't know it just yet.
"I-I'll get over it.." you said with little confidence, before taking a small breath. "I'll get over it."
The second time around there was definitely more faith in your words. You would be okay.
°•°•°•°•°
The next day, it wasn’t a surprise to see her at the lunch table again, yet it still caused you to freeze on the spot. As much as you wanted to turn around and run out of there, you couldn’t move. 
He was gently caressing her cheek, giving her a bunch of small, shy kisses while he held her hand. It made your stomach twist and turn, and you were sure you could taste blood. 
Blood. Red. Red hair. Waving. 
Fuck. He’d seen you, and was now ecstatically waving for you to come sit at the table. The girl had turned to see what he was making a fuss over, giving you a curious look. 
You knew you probably looked like shit. Even with Wakatoshi’s kind and supportive words, you’d still bawled your eyes out the entire day. A small sigh escaped your lips as you made your way over to the table. 
“Y/N! I want you to meet someone- or well, my girlfriend, to be more specific.”
Satori’s words had her blushing, but she still bowed politely. 
“Pleasure meeting you. I know we didn't get the chance to meet yesterday, but I’ve heard a lot about you.” 
Did you hear that your boyfriend was using me to get you to date him? Did you hear that I’ve had a crush on your boyfriend for years? 
There was so much anger and pettiness in you, but you tried not to show any of it. “Good things, I hope.” 
She quickly agreed, starting to talk about something they’d done together last night. A date, you gathered, though you kept zoning out as she talked, talked, talked, and talked. She was perfect, really. But right now you wanted nothing more than to just scream for her to Please Shut The Fuck Up. 
Halfway through lunch, you excused yourself, saying you had some things to do, but that you hoped the 3 of them had fun. 
You weren't healing just yet, you were grieving what could’ve been. You were doing and thinking stupid shit. 
As soon as you walked into the bathroom, you turned the sink water on and splashed the cold water onto your face. The fresh feeling allowed you to calm down and truly think this through. 
Anger wouldn’t solve anything. You didn’t have the right to be angry at your best friend because: 1) He didn’t even know about your feelings. 2) He had openly told you that he liked someone else. 3) You willingly put yourself in the situation you’re in now. 
A small sob escaped your lips at the new realizations. You were past denial and anger, you were now in the stage of acceptance. 
Tendou Satori, your best friend and crush, did not love you. You loved him though, no matter what. Your feelings would not interfere with the wonderful friendship you had built with him for so many years.
If you truly loved him, you would support him, and his happiness would be enough, even if you were not the provider of said happiness. You’d be content with just watching from the sidelines and cheering him on. 
You took in a small gasp for air as the bell rang, signaling that lunch was over and it was time to head to class. You rubbed at your eyes, a new feeling settling in your chest as you walked out of the bathroom.
Contentment. 
°•°•°•°•°
Avoiding gazes, friendships dwindling, it all leads to contentment. 
Sometimes, you have to sacrifice certain things in order for you to achieve your best state. To reach yours, it took avoidance and time, but now you’re beaming.
The state of contentment has finally been reached. 
A/N: Hello! I’m not sure if anyone will read this, but if anybody does: I hope you enjoyed it!! This isn’t too long, or maybe it’s something people scrolled past because holy FUCK it was too long for their preference. Anyway, I love me some Tendou content (: Even if it was quite clearly not fluff. I should write some fluff after this.. Thanks for reading!! 
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peaceoutofthepieces · 4 years ago
Text
Tracing Time
This discusses the hate crime in s3 (and the homophobia plotline in sos).
Thursday, 02:26
Song: IAMX - Insomnia; Crywolf ft. EDEN - Stomach It
He’s going to break that clock.
It’s usually not something that bothers him. Sometimes he even finds it soothing, counts the ticks to help him sleep. Now it’s too loud, occupies too much space, and taunts him with how late it is and how much he’s going to regret this tomorrow. Even though it’s out of his control.
He stuffs his face further into his pillow and makes himself take a deep breath. When that doesn’t work, he takes another. Then one more. And another.
He gets up, climbs so that he’s standing on top of his bed, and takes the clock off the wall. He pulls out the batteries from the back, careful not to let them drop and roll away, and there. Peaceful, beautiful, blissful silence. This time his deep breath works, sending a wave of relaxation all the way through him before he climbs down again.
When he crawls back into bed, he’s got his phone in one hand and his key to Robbe’s in the other.
He doesn’t really do anything with either, just sets his phone next to him and lets his hand rest on it and rubs his thumb over the key in the habit he’s picked up. It’s most soothing, even as he feels apprehension and doubt swirl in his chest. Robbe had gone to sleep before Sander even went to bed, messaging him while Sander was still working on his assignment, trying to finish off just that one paragraph. He’d told himself that was enough to be satisfied with, that it would be more beneficial to sleep when he still has two days to work on it. He’d had to take his pills, anyway, and he’d hoped they’d pretty much knock him out, but he hardly even feels as sleepy as he usually does.
Now he just feels like he’s wasting his time. He’s not working or sleeping, and his brain has nowhere to go so it spins in circles.
He's thinking about his assignment, still. Worrying. He’s pretty sure he’ll get it done, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be a load of crap. He’s also thinking about Agathe, telling him he’s doing well. He’s thinking about the woman with the death stare from the cafe. He’s thinking about that talk with Jens, and moving on and doing better.
He rubs over the key too quickly and lets out a hiss as he scratches his thumb. Instead of putting it down, however, he holds it tight in his hand and picks up his phone.
He navigates to Robbe’s contact, first. He looks at their messages from earlier, the usual banter, the sweet goodnight, and he settles a little, allows it to warm him. He could text Robbe, but chances are that the boy is definitely asleep and Sander will wake him up. Robbe’s insomnia had returned with a weak sort of vengeance after the holidays as he stressed about his final ever semester, but he seems to have gotten it under control now. Sander will not disturb him.
He could go through and look at videos or photos or listen to voice notes, bring the remnants of Robbe close enough to feel his comfort. Or it might just strengthen the twinge in his heart.
He finds himself opening Instagram instead, maybe to bore him to sleep, and finds Lucas’s story waiting for him. He’s only shared a song, nothing unusual, but it was also only posted two minutes ago.
Sander’s calling him without even taking time to think about it, but Lucas picks up on the first ring.
“Hi,” he says, voice low and sleepy but curious, the concern thinly veiled. “Can’t sleep either?”
“No,” Sander whispers. “Hi.”
Lucas is silent for a moment, probably waiting for Sander to speak. Eventually, he gives up. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” Sander pauses. “No? I don’t know.”
“Okay,” Lucas says. “I’ll wait.”
Well.
It’s not Robbe, but it’s the next best thing, maybe. It’s the perfect thing to say, to do. Because Lucas won’t push, but he won’t leave. He’ll breathe in Sander’s ear and wait. Sander takes the time, because he knows, is sure, that it really is allowed, and without the incessant ticking it doesn’t feel as long, anyway. Even when he’s silent for what must be a few minutes, Lucas stays silent, too. Keeps waiting.
“Are you scared of Jens’s house?” Sander finally asks.
The silence on the other end becomes total, and Sander checks to make sure Lucas hasn’t hung up. But no; it’s just his breaths that have stopped. Sander worries for a brief moment before a sigh emits. “I know you spoke to him.”
Sander takes it for the non-answer it is and points it out as one. “That wasn’t my question.”
“I know.” Their breaths pass to each other silently again. Then Lucas just says, “Yes.”
“Yes?”
“Yeah, I’m afraid. Even now. It doesn’t matter that I know it’s stupid. It doesn’t matter when he’s not there.” He takes a louder breath. “I think I’m just always a little afraid, anyway, though.”
Sander absorbs this. After a while, he just says, softly, “Yeah.”
It’s not that he hadn’t been, even before. Merely meeting Robbe was scary for a multitude of reasons, and kissing him for the first time had his heart pounding, but it was worth it, so worth it. Then he’d had Robbe turn him down, had seen Robbe so hurt and upset by what he’d done, and he’d felt the fear and the horror and the disgust at himself before he realised it was all the same things that had made Robbe so harsh in the first place. It hadn’t mattered, when Robbe came back to him, because Sander had him then and that was all he wanted and he had always understood. Even if he had never struggled with himself quite the way Robbe had, it was still part of his understanding. He’d never really needed Robbe to explain himself to him.
Then Sander had taken Robbe on what he thought would be a perfect first date, and his understanding grew to a whole new level.
And with it comes the fear.
Even though he knows, he knows, that Robbe has only been strengthened, has only grown braver, because of their relationship. Even though he never wishes or feels the need to hide Robbe, never, no matter where and when they might be. It’s still there.
It’s a valid fear, and that understanding fills Sander with such a burning fury that of course he has to fight back against it.
He’s already spent too much of his life fearing too much about himself. He will not fear this, not when it is what allows him his biggest source of happiness.
“Is this about the bar?” Lucas asks quietly. “I know you talked to Jens.”
Sander huffs.
“I’m sorry, if you didn’t want him to pass anything on to me, but he needed to tell me you were the one knocking sense into him. I’ve been meaning to say thanks.”
“I didn’t do anything,” he mumbles.
Lucas hums. “You did. You understood.”
“So I was right?”
“Of course you were,” Lucas laughs, derisively. “You knew you were. I mean, you’re also shockingly wrong, but that’s a whole different point.”
Sander frowns, furrowing his brows, even though Lucas can’t see him. “What does that mean?”
There’s silence for a moment, and then Lucas sighs. “You know it’s not the same. With you guys...it’s not just about Robbe.” He pauses for a moment. “It’s not your fault.”
“It’s not yours either,” Sander says forcefully.
“That’s not what I meant. I know it’s not. I know enough about the guy to know he’s just a dick, and no matter what I did, that wouldn’t be any different. I don’t think you do.”
Sander has a denial ready, but it dies in his throat. He doesn’t have the energy to protest and argue, not with his medication finally feeling like it’s kicking in, and not when Lucas will just see right through him. “I know,” is all he manages to say, hoarsely.
“Do you?”
“I do. But don’t you also think...I don’t know. Maybe if I was thinking more clearly, I would have gotten us out of there sooner, or I could have fought them off—“
“But Robbe couldn’t?”
Sander swallows. This is precisely why he didn’t want to argue, because he knew Lucas would go for all his sense and logic and pick Sander’s points apart at the seams. Sander doesn’t have any retorts prepared.
“Sander, I get how you feel, but you know he wants to protect you too, right?” Lucas asks softly. He gets even quieter as he continues. “You know you were hurt, too.”
“This woman gave me a weird look today, when I was at the cafe with Robbe,” Sander tells him. “And I was just so relieved she didn’t actually say anything and he didn’t see.”
Lucas lets out another breath, and there’s a rustling of sheets. “I wouldn’t tell him, either.”
Sander lowers his voice to a whisper. “Why doesn’t it matter how long it’s been? Robbe and I go back to the bar all the time now, and it’s fine, it doesn’t bother us.”
“But you don’t have to be there to think about it, so it bothers you anyway, at the most random times.”
Sander closes his eyes.
“It’s okay, Sander,” Lucas murmurs.
“I told Robbe not to go to the police. That they’d never catch the guys, that shit just happens. Like it was nothing, like we just have to get over it.”
“I’m sure he knows that isn’t what you meant.”
“No, but he doesn’t know what I did mean. He doesn’t know that I didn’t want my dad to be taking our statement and know about another way that I fucked up. I didn’t want to have made another mistake, I didn’t want it to be my fault for finding trouble, I—“
“Sander, stop,” Lucas says sternly. “I can hear your voice cracking. You need to breathe, okay? Take a minute. It’s fine.”
Sander struggles to obey, abandoning his rant to take another deep breath, like he’d always been taught. Lucas doesn’t say anything, but his own breaths seem to get louder. The steady rhythm filters into Sander’s ears and eases its way towards his lungs. He closes his eyes, but his mind is still conjuring too many unpleasant images, so he opens them again and looks for something to focus on in the dim, moonlit room. He settles on the photographs framed on his nightstand. One from when he was a child, both his parents next to him, and the other much more recent. That first afternoon he’d spent in Robbe’s room, the two of them locked away in their bubble, talking about universes and films and thoughts. Well over a year ago, now, and he still remembers it so clearly. Robbe’s arms draped around his shoulders, kissing the top of Sander’s head while Sander pulls a stupid face. Robbe so caring, so indulgent, even then.
“That’s better,” Lucas speaks up again.
Sander lets out a shaky sigh. “Sorry.”
“You never talk to anyone about how much it affected you, do you? Aside from the first time you told me about it, you don’t let yourself be upset.”
“It’s Robbe,” Sander says, somewhat hopelessly, unsure that he’s making any sense at this point. “How could I not love him? What’s so bad about it?”
“Nothing,” Lucas says, sure and steady. “Nothing at all, Sander.”
A tear Sander hadn’t even noticed was building slips down his cheek, and he lets it, waits until it seeps into the pillow before wiping the dampness from his skin. They both stay quiet, but the simple presence of his friend is enough to be calming. He’s somewhat glad he hadn’t called Robbe, though he longs for nothing more than to go to him, and the key still tucked in his fist is enough permission. But he doesn’t want to talk to Robbe about this, not anymore, not again. Not when it could do harm rather than good, could bring sadness without any relief.
It’s a relief, to tell Lucas, who understands but won’t be hurt by it in the same way. Who knows Sander almost as well and has been in a similar position and who won’t cry just because he does.
“You never told your parents about it, did you?” Lucas asks. It’s not judgmental, but it’s clear he knows the answer already.
“Would you have, if you didn’t have to for Jens?”
He hears Lucas’s soft huff. “Probably not. But that doesn’t mean I’m not glad that they know.”
“It’s not the same, though. You didn’t lie to them about why you came home beat up. You didn’t have to.”
“No. I was lucky, I know that. But that could just mean I’m a lot more to blame for what happened to us than you are for such a random, hateful attack. I lied to my dad, too. He didn’t know Jens and I were together, and if I hadn’t been at his house, his dad would never have found out. Or at least, it might not have been as shockingly bad.”
“No,” Sander argues, again, but it’s difficult with Lucas using his own logic against him.
Lucas sighs; Sander can picture him shaking his head. “Maybe if I’d told dad earlier, Jens wouldn’t have had to run off, and I wouldn’t have felt so shitty. But I know even if I’d never brought it up, it would still feel like a relief to tell him today.”
Sander purses his lips, and doesn’t say anything.
“You can be upset, or angry, or hurt, or whatever you want. And you can talk about it. That’s how you move on, Sander.”
“Robbe and I have already talked about it so many times,” Sander sighs. Then he admits, “But never like this.”
Lucas hums. “He’ll understand, better than me. And he can handle it just as well. You know that. But thank you, for telling me. You always can.”
“I know,” Sander mumbles. Somewhere in the past couple of minutes, his eyelids have started drooping. “Thank you.”
“Did it help? At all?”
Sander presses into his pillow and lets out a breath. “Yeah. I actually think it did.” It hasn’t really changed anything, he knows, and it’ll come up again eventually no matter how much he tells himself it’s in the past and he’s moved on. The weight of the memory isn’t gone, but it feels lighter, somehow. Like admitting it’s not okay is starting to make it so.
“Good.” He can hear the smile in Lucas’s voice. “Are you falling asleep now?”
Sander can’t do much more than hum.
Lucas laughs quietly. “Okay. Get some rest, dumbass.”
“Are you okay?” Sander thinks to ask. “You were up, that’s why I called.”
“I’m going to sleep now, too,” Lucas promises. “I think you helped me as well.”
“Okay,” Sander sighs. “Night, Luc.”
“Bye, Sander.”
Sander waits a moment even after he hears the call run out, then lets his hand slip away from his ear slowly. He sets the phone aside, stretching his arm out to the nightstand, but keeps a hold of the key. He brings it closer to his chest and sucks a breath in, then lets it out, and finally relaxes. He doesn’t have to go to Robbe, he convinces himself. But he can—he really can, any time he wants to, and that’s more than enough.
He’s asleep in seconds.
~^~
previous/next
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cinnonym · 4 years ago
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I was feeling anxious about the election and thus decided to polish up an older, previously unposted fluff fic of mine. There’s a second, angstier part to it, which I’ll post later, but for now, I hope that the fluff can help calm some of your anxiety the way it helped calm mine. I call this piece falling (from cloud nine and back). Happy reading!
It all started out so innocently.
Emma had just moved in. It was Regina's idea to rent out one of the many rooms in her mansion to the saviour, so Henry could have a stable home environment. Emma agreed pretty quickly, tired of the tiny loft Snow lived in. She insisted upon paying rent, although Regina had made clear several times that she didn't need the money anyway.
"You aren't so snobby that you decline cash when it's offered to you, just take it."
They sat at the breakfast table one morning, Emma trying desperately to keep her eyes open as she shoved spoons of cereal into her mouth, Regina herself already on the verge of leaving for work, shouting for Henry to hurry with his packing.
"I don't understand how you can be so awake when it's barely... what time?" Emma mumbled, her mouth full of cheerios (Regina had no idea where they came from, Emma must have somehow managed to sneak them in), and when one of her long blonde strands of hair fell out of the sloppy bun on the top of her head, Regina moved forward to stroke it back behind her ear.
The action was automatic, her mind probably so focused on Henry that it was maternal instinct.
However, the second her finger touched Emma's cheek, the saviour drew a sharp breath and looked at Regina, suddenly wide awake.
The expression in those green eyes unreadable, Regina recoiled immediately, fearing to have crossed a line. She cursed herself for acting unconsciously, and with Emma of all people – Emma who'd been wary of physical contact ever since Regina had known her. Before she could rush to apologize however, a smile spread on Emma's face, warm and bright and making the words get stuck in Regina's throat. Feeling inexplicably uncertain, she returned the smile and then rushed to work.
That evening, she came home late, and Emma had already gone to sleep. In the fridge she found leftover takeaway from Granny's though, and a note: "Hope you enjoy the kale salad and goodnight. X, Emma".
It all started out so innocently.
Things only escalated later.
The coming weeks were busy ones, Regina spending the large part of her days at the office, Emma only dropping by at lunch time to make sure she took a break. They made light conversation while eating, Emma occasionally reaching over to cover Regina's hand with her own, a simple gesture that made the brunette feel calmer instantly. She didn't read anything into the touches; Emma and she were growing closer as friends and co-parents, nothing strange with that.
Sometimes, she would find herself wanting to comfort Emma in return, so whenever the blonde ranted about the latest petty crime that left her with loads of paperwork and nothing gained, she reached out to pat the her shoulder or arm, as if saying "I understand you. People are stupid sometimes."
She started cupping Emma's cheek in the mornings, gently stroking her thumb over her cheekbones, instead of just saying goodbye. Emma would lean into the caresses, a content smile on her face rather than the frown she’d used to reserve for early rises before.
Then came the hugs.
One evening, when Regina returned from a particularly exhausting day at work, Emma embraced her the second she had stepped through the door. "You work too hard," she whispered and Regina allowed herself to get lost in the warm strong arms of the saviour for a while, before Henry interrupted them to ask what's for dinner.
Later that night, Emma pulled Regina closer on the couch while watching TV and gave her a massage. Luckily Henry was in his room to catch up on some homework because the moans Emma drew from Regina would have been rated mature for sure.
It took some time for them to take the next step after that. The cuddle sessions became more frequent and Regina more often than not found herself sitting in her office and counting down the hours till she could embrace Emma Swan again. Lunch visits had long since become a daily occurrence and they would spend it sitting on opposite sides of Regina's desk, their knees bumping together constantly. Then the afternoon would be dedicated to waiting for the evening, and the evening would consist of cuddle sessions on the couch.
Henry had gotten used to his affectionate mums, though he would sometimes shoot them pondering looks when Regina once again couldn't keep her hands from stroking through Emma's hair.
"Ma," he asked Emma one morning, not knowing that Regina was within earshot, ready to say goodbye and leave for work, "Don't you think it's unusual for you and Mum not to date?"
"Henry!" Emma exclaimed, then immediately hushed herself, and Regina had to move closer in order to make out her next words, "Your mum and I, we aren't together!"
"Except you kind of are," Henry mumbled almost inaudibly, "I mean, you live together, you spend your day together, you cuddle a lot..."
"Of course we do," Emma answered, "We're friends and share custody of you. We're close. See, your mum, she is a very strong woman, and I admire that. But she is also human and needs rest. I just want to make sure she gets that rest. She is always the one who takes care of everything, and I want to take care of her in return. She deserves that."
Regina decided to intervene then, stepping into the kitchen to find Henry and his mother clearing the table. Her heart swelled with affection for them both, and when Emma leaned in for a hug after she had kissed Henry goodbye, Regina, without further ado, pressed her lips against the blonde's cheek as well. Emma's skin was soft and warm, and she found it difficult to pull back after a second. Emma smiled blindingly at her, and Henry rolled his eyes in a manner he had picked up from both of his mums.
The next stage was introduced only days after that first kiss. It was a Friday night, and Henry was over at a friend’s, leaving Emma and Regina all by themselves to binge Disney films. (Emma loved the stuff and Regina was content with hearing her giggle hysterically whenever a character they knew in real life showed up.) They watched Snow White on Regina's request ("Just because you enjoy seeing my mum being hopelessly idiotic" – "I do not have to watch the film for that. It suffices to pay the loft a visit"), then Beauty and the Beast ("I can’t believe this is supposed to be Gold"), and barely finished Mulan, because Emma had dozed off and needed to rewind.
"We should go to bed," Regina said when the credits finally rolled, at the same time snuggling deeper into Emma's arms.
"But I don't want to let you go. You're so warm and comfy..." Emma pressed a kiss to Regina's hair and Regina, too, had to admit that she didn't really want Emma to let go of her.
"It is really late though," she tried to be The Responsible One, only to have Emma respond with an immature "I don't care," which was interrupted by a yawn.
"Emma," Regina sighed, "We cannot stay on the couch all night."
"Yes, we can. It's more comfortable than my bed anyway."
"Nothing compared to my bed though," Regina smirked and sure enough Emma perked up.
"Really? Let's sleep there then."
"Did you just invite yourself into my bed?" Regina failed to suppress a smile, and Emma grinned back: "And what if I have?"
House-intern sleepovers occurred more often than not after that, and Regina found that waking up next to Emma was something she could get used to. Although Henry eyed them suspiciously, Regina didn't think twice about the developments: How sleeping next to Emma became sleeping entwined with Emma, how kissing Emma's cheek became giving Emma pecks on her lips, how wanting Emma's touch became craving Emma's touch.
She didn't think about any of those things and it took that evening when a kiss turned into a full-grown make-out session for her to realize that something deeper than just friendship was going on between Emma and her.
---
Regina came home early that evening. Work had been less busy than usual and so, when she received the message from Emma that she had prepared a surprise for her, she managed to shut down fairly quickly.
The second she stepped through the front door, Emma ran up to her, one of Regina's aprons tied around her waist, flour in her hair.
"Regina!" she said, smiling one of the dazzling smiles that always made Regina want to kiss her. Fortunately, Emma had the same idea, quickly pulling the mayor in to press their lips together in a kiss that, as usual, lasted too short and left Regina wanting more.
"Today is Regina-feel-good day," Emma said cheerily, her hand still resting on Regina's waist, "You go take a bath, I prepare dinner."
"Today is what?" Regina asked, though she had understood the blonde very well and already felt her body go warm with affection.
"Regina-feel-good day," Emma repeated and grinned, "I figured you work so much, you should have a day where everyone appreciates what you do. Kind of like mother's day, except you're not my mother."
"That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard," Regina rolled her eyes but couldn't hold back a smile. And then she leaned in for just one more kiss, before she finally took off coat and boots.
Emma watched her with a taunting smile, "And here I thought you'd be glad."
"I am glad over dinner, as long as it is not burnt..." Regina teased, loving the way Emma's eyes went wide and she sprinted back to the kitchen.
"Bath, upstairs," she called back over her shoulder and Regina shook her head, smiling, then made her way upstairs.
Emma had bought a new bubble bath, and Regina sighed contently as she let herself sink into the hot water that smelled deliciously of apples. She hadn't even realized how long it had been since she'd had a bath and now that she was in the tub, she felt she didn't want to leave it ever again. It was only when a new smell reached her nose, and Emma called for dinner, that she reluctantly pulled the plug.
She walked down the stairs in sweatpants and a loose shirt (wellness day was wellness day, after all), and was delighted to see the dinner table set professionally with several plates, sets of cutlery, and wine glasses for the three of them, even though Henry’s was filled with water.
"Voilà," Emma said, leading her to her chair. She too had changed into comfortable clothes, and there was still flour in her hair, which Regina couldn't resist reaching up to gently brush it out.
As soon as she was sat, Henry appeared with the first course - a giant salad bowl.
"I wanted to make soup first, but we kind of have stew for the main course, so I figured salad would do," Emma explained quickly, but Regina was already smiling, and she reached for Emma's hand to squeeze it slightly.
"It's perfect, thank you," she whispered and Henry and Emma exchanged a victorious grin.
The main course was indeed stew. Emma had actually got around to chop loads of vegetables, even though she had always claimed she hated chopping.
"I tried to do Ratatouille, but it ended up being more of a vegetable stew than anything," she smiled sheepishly, and Regina just had to kiss her, in front of Henry and everything.
"Not dating, huh?" the boy murmured, and still it didn't register with Regina.
No, it took until after dessert (cinnamon rolls, because Emma admitted that she would never dare make something apple-related for Regina), until after the massage Emma gave Regina while they were watching a political documentary, until after Henry had gone to bed around eleven, wishing them a good night with a wink; it took until they were in bed, Emma spooning Regina from behind like usual.
"Emma?" Regina whispered, unsure whether the blonde was still awake. She had, after all, had a long day full of kitchen work that she wasn't used to doing.
"Hmm?" came the answer though, and the sound vibrated through Regina's body like encouragement.
"Thank you for today. That was the nicest thing anyone has ever done to me," she murmured, nevertheless grateful for the darkness providing a cover that allowed her to open up.
"No problem," Emma said and pulled her closer into the embrace, "I enjoyed cosseting you, actually."
Regina wriggled a bit to turn around, now facing Emma. The saviour's face was slightly illuminated by the moonlight pouring in through the shades, and she could make out the delicate shape of her lips, her cheekbones, her forehead.
And then, before she could think twice about it, Regina closed the space between them and kissed Emma. First her collarbones, because they were closest, then up her neck to her ear, and then she covered her face in light short kisses.
Emma's eyes opened after a while, and she chuckled: "If that's how you thank me, I might turn every day into a Regina-feel-good day."
Regina barely found the time to respond "Do that" between her kisses, and suddenly the desire took over and the instincts she had held back ever since she’d first cupped Emma’s cheek kicked in. In the darkness, she found her way to Emma's mouth, the mouth she could never get enough of, the mouth she’d been seeing in her dreams. Her lips moving fervently against Emma's equally hungry ones, she finally realized that this attraction she felt to the blonde was something different than friendship entirely. The deep craving she had for Emma's touch, for her presence, the urge she felt every time she was near her, the urge to touch her, the urge to hug her and never let go, it could all have only one explanation.
She is totally and irrevocably in love with Emma Swan.
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fangirlovestuff · 4 years ago
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A Very Colin Christmas - Colin Shea x reader
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Ch. 2 - The Proposal
a/n - hey lovely people!! here goes chapter 2, and this is where things really start to get interesting... enjoy;)
read ch.1
Summary: You help Colin with some Christmas decorations, but it turns out he does have one more thing to ask you...
Word Count: 1.6k
Warnings: curse words, innuendos
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After Colin left to try and get a tree, you went back to your apartment to tidy up a little and write cards to give out. You wrote all the big ones first, for your family and close friends, and then wrote the ones for coworkers and other people for whom a simple "Merry Christmas" would suffice. It was a little extra to write cards for all the presents you gave out, but it wasn't too much of a bother.
You were just putting the cards in place when you heard a knock on your door. "Just a second!" you yelled out and finished with the cards.
You opened the door to reveal Colin, smiling. "Let's go," you said, locking the door behind you and going with him to his apartment across the hall.
When you entered you were greeted by the sight of a little tree in the living room, but more importantly with the delicious smell of takeout. You were painfully reminded you hadn't had dinner yet when your mouth watered at the smell.
"I got some takeout on my way as well," said Colin and made his way to the kitchen. "You want some?" he yelled.
"Yeah, I'd love some," you said, grateful. You started to look at the pile of decorations on the couch, wondering where it would be best to put each one.
Colin came back with two very delicious smelling plates, one of them you accepted before sitting down on the couch beside him. You ate and chatted a bit. He asked you a little about your job and you ranted about your shitty boss for a bit.
"Well, lucky for me I'm the boss of me. And I gotta say, I'm a pretty great one," Colin replied, smirking.
"Oh yeah, how's that going for you?" you asked. A week ago, you had seen him in the park with some kid and he tried to hide from you. "The babysitting business must be thriving with you in it," you grinned.
"Ha ha," he replied dryly. "For your information, that was my nephew, and I definitely did not get paid for that," he grimaced slightly. "But my actual work, which is music, is going great, thanks for asking."
"I'm glad," you chuckled.
When you finished your dinner, it was time for decorating. At first you were hesitant, asking Colin if the place was okay for every single ornament you hung, but you quickly realized he didn't really care, and started getting more and more confident. Eventually, you were telling Colin where he should put the stuff he was hanging.
At some point Colin started to put on some music from his phone, blasting a cheesy Christmas playlist. You started mindlessly humming along, and so did Colin. Gradually, you both started swaying to the beat, until eventually you were both just dancing around, singing at the top of your lungs. You grabbed a candy cane and started using it as a mic, offering it to Colin every other line, and he gladly sang into it, laughter dancing in his eyes.
When the song ended you both collapsed on the couch, side by side, each breathless to some extent. You looked at him and started laughing, and soon he joined you, your laughter booming through the apartment. Another song was playing now, but he lowered the volume so you could speak comfortably.
"Wow, you really are musically talented," you said once your laughter had died down, "I'm impressed."
"Thank you, thank you!" he got up and bowed with a flourish, waving at an invisible crowd. "You're not too bad yourself," he said once he sat back down.
"Thank you!" you said, your hand on your heart, feigning deep gratitude. "It means so much when an expert like you says that," you rolled your eyes.
"You sound like my mom," he raised his eyebrow and reached for his beer on the table, taking a large gulp.
"I can't tell if that's good or bad," you chuckled.
"Definitely bad. She's still waiting for me to give it up, and so is my entire family. They seem to forget I've been doing this for years now. My mom is very adamant that it's a phase. She is, of course, forgetting my expertise, as you framed so nicely," he said with a bitter smile.
"Sounds like a lovely lady," you smiled.
"Yeah. I love them but loving them from afar is easier. Soon they're gonna be here, so don't be surprised if you hear some shouting," he smiled.
"Why would you shout? It's the holidays!"
"Exactly. It's gonna be all 'Colin, why don't you have a job?' and 'Colin, when are you gonna settle down with a nice girl?' like I'm a fucking baby," he took another swig of his beer. "And because I do have a job, and I tell them that, that's when the shouting begins," he said with a shrug.
"What about the nice girl?" you smirked, and Colin just looked at you with a puzzled expression. "I mean, you just told me your answer for the first question, but why don't you settle down with a nice girl?" you raised your eyebrow at him.
"Well, it's simple," he leaned closer, putting his hand on the couch beside you, "I like 'em naughty," he murmured and smirked.
"Okay," you rolled your eyes and pushed him away playfully. "I hope that's not what you're gonna tell your mom."
"No," he sighed in defeat, "but it's sure as hell what I'm gonna tell Andy," he smirked, "that jerk doesn't know what fun is. He was like that even before he got married. Pity," he shrugged.
"Andy?"
"My perfect big brother. Perfect idiot if you ask me."
"You don't actually hate him that much," you said, convinced you were right.
"Not really," he admitted. "But he's a lawyer with a wife and a kid. You can do the math as to what expectations that sets for me."
"So you're jealous of him."
"God no, I wouldn't be a lawyer if you paid me in gold," Colin chuckled. "It looks so fucking boring."
"But you're jealous that he's getting your parents' approval," you remarked.
He stayed silent for a moment. "Maybe," he shrugged. "Whatever. It's not like that's going to change anytime soon."
"What, like you want it to? Colin, you've come to hide out in my apartment three times in the last week. I know enough to say you're not really looking for a girlfriend," you chuckled.
"I know, I know," he said, "but I kinda wish I'd have like, a girlfriend for the weekend, you know? Like a fake girlfriend to prove my family wrong, and then I'd go back to normal," he shrugged.
"Why not post an ad? People will do anything for money."
"I'm not buying a girlfriend!" he scrunched up his nose, "even I don't stoop that low. That's really fucking pathetic."
"Okay then," you chuckled, "how about ask one of your hookups?"
"Something tells me they wouldn't be up for it," he grimaced, taking another sip from his beer.
"Really? What about Stella from a couple of days ago? Two days isn't that long to ghost a girl," you shrugged.
"Oh, is that what I said her name was?" he furrowed his brows.
"Okay, I see your point," you rolled your eyes.
"Well, I do have an idea… but you have to promise not to hit me if I tell you," he grinned. You contemplated it with a smile before motioning for him to go ahead. "Maybe… you could pretend to be my girlfriend for the weekend?"
You reached out to swat him but he dodged your blow quickly, "You said you wouldn't hit me!" he pouted.
"That's before I knew you were going to say something stupid! Besides, I didn't actually say anything," you objected, but crossed your hands on your chest nonetheless.
"C'mon, it'll be fun!" he smiled hesitantly. "What are your plans anyway?"
"Sit in my apartment and watch Christmas movies," you grumbled. "My family usually meets after Christmas, because 'roads are always jammed on the holidays', so I stay in."
"See? Your family's weird, so you can help me get my annoying one off my back!"
"Hey! Only I can call my family weird," you bumped your elbow into his side. "But I guess I don't have anything that much better to do," you said after a few seconds.
"Yes!" he pumped his fist in celebration, "I promise you won't regret it, baby," he leaned in and you rolled your eyes and pushed him away.
"Okay, Casanova," you chuckled, "but I do have some ground rules. First of all, PDA to a minimum, okay? No kisses," you raised your eyebrows at him and he pouted in response.
"Cheek kisses?" he asked.
"Maybe," you sighed. "Rule number two – no funny business," you gestured vaguely.
"What does that mean?" he chuckled.
"I don't know," you said, "just… be normal?"
"I thought the entire point of this was that I didn't seem like my normal self," he scratched his chin as if in deep thought.
"Well, I meant be a normal person in normal people standards."
"You got it," he grinned.
When you got back to your apartment, he escorted you to your door.
"See you, Colin. Goodnight," you smiled.
"Goodnight. And… thank you," he smiled back, "for saving my ass. Today and hopefully over the weekend."
"Don't thank me yet," you smirked, prompting him to chuckle. "Bye," you said as you closed your door behind you.
So… looks like you're going to have a very interesting weekend.
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tell me your thoughts!! honestly i have mixed feelings about some of the dialogue in this one, because i really like it but at the same time idk... anyways i hope that you enjoyed and have a wonderful rest of your day<3
Taglist:  @horny-nd-bored​ @shannon124 @perfectlyharolds​ @wintersoldierslut​ @iceebabies​  @sleepingpapermouse @steverogerswasalwaysworthy @holtzkinnon @angelicl-y @stydia-4-ever @thatoneperson5000 @fangirlfree​ @kaitcordx25 @bequeening​ @steve-barry-damon-logan​ @itscrazycherryblossomcollection​ @hollandxmarvel​ @stargazingfangirl18 @readsreblogsfics @onetwo3000 @beritmetal @harrystylesholland @jazbot2000 @anobscurename @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @peggycarter-steverogers @evansphnx12
A Very Colin Christmas Taglist: @janaygrant
if you wanna join / be removed from a taglist, comment/message me! much love <3
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fandom-puff · 4 years ago
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Alfie Solomons on Social Media
Big thank you to @cheekypeakyblinders @peak-a-blinder and @champagneholland !! So much love and support with this lil social media themed project we’re doing! Go read their writing (linked at the bottom!) also can I just say I’m super proud of the moodboards I made for these :)
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Alfie is NOT tech savvy. He’s not a complete technophobe, but he’s definitely not down with the latest trends, he doesn’t have a clue what half the pre-installed apps on his phone are for and he’s only just figured out that you can have a contacts list and that you don’t need to manually type in a whole phone number if it’s already saved on his phone.
He often forgets how to turn off caps lock, so his texts can often be misinterpreted as very angry or very excited
He also uses LOTS of abbreviations- like the normal ones (lol, wtf, ffs, cba) but then he also makes his own up which just confused everybody
Example:
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It’s okay though bc the younger ones actually teach him stuff (*cough* unlike tommy abd arthur who just take the piss)
‘No right Finn mate I don’t want to fuckin download Tik tok I’ve got a fuckin watch and a little clock on the screen fucks sake’
Alfie’s in a fair few group chats- there’s the main GC that has the Shelby/gray clan (he’s there for banter and because Polly is an admin and she knows it pisses tommy off
Every morning without fail at like... 5-6 o’clock, he’ll send a bright and cheerful good morning text that’s normally not very well received. But he does it anyway bc him and Pol are the only ones awake :)
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Alfie on snapchat is a different story. Literally every day there’s a picture of Cyril with a caption like ‘love of my life’ ‘best mate’ ‘don’t know what I’d do without you’
He also posts all his baked goodies onto his story too, and the random women who add him via quick add end up swooning over his floury tattooed arms bc he has a dog and he can COOK
He hasn’t got a CLUE what a private story is so every day, at least 100+ people are subjected to ‘tommy fucking Shelby has a stick up his arse pass it on’ which gets screenshotted and sent to the group chat
He doesn’t get the whole ‘streaks’ thing either
‘No I don’t wanna fucking streak with you isaiah what the fuck??? I thought your dad was a man of god and all that???’
Cue three days later on his story: “there’s fires next to some of your names right and if you die yeah, blame isaiah because he asked me to streak with him and I don’t think Jeremiah likesd that tbh and probs prayed to god to smite yous down lol’
‘Alfie it just means we’ve snapped eachother for three consecutive days mate’
His story that day: ‘sorry you’re not getting smited you lot just like sending me pictures of your ceilings ??’
Snapchat filters took him by surprise too but imagine this man’s JOY when he found out Cyril could wear funny glasses AND have a round face 🥺🥺🥺
Let’s talk YouTube. Despite not knowing how to turn caps lock off, and thinking Finn is having a stroke every time he throws it back, Alfie is quite the vlogger.
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What’s starts off as mostly baking videos and rants (he likes to get things off his chest while kneading the SHIT out of some dough) quickly turns into a full on THING
He makes all sorts of videos- at least one weekly vlog with Cyril and him going on an adventure
Honestly those ones are basically asmr bc Alfie will be recording cyril with one hand and petting him and scratching behind his ears with the other and just murmuring ‘what’ve you got there mate? A rock? Tha’s fuckin brilliant that is my mate. My good boy aren’t you? Yeah... good lad... you gonna put the rock down or... no we’re fuckin... taking the fuckin rock home with us... whatever you say mate...’
Like it’s not much of a vlog like ‘hey guys it’s Alfie aka the Wandering Jew and today me and my pal are going to the park’ it’s more of a ‘watch this great big bear of a man talk very gently to a great big dog for fifteen minutes’ type of vlog
He also does the baking vids obvs, but in more of a tutorial format rather than bitching about his mate ‘Timmy’ as he develops the gluten with his sleeves rolled upto his elbows.
‘Well Jamie Oliver will tell you to do it like this’
*like 10 seconds of silence as he stares at the camera*
‘FUCK Jamie Oliver the stupid twat THIS is the right way to do it
There are normally some VERY thirsty comments about his arms.
He does a reaction video to the thirsty comments once
John read them out to him and his audience was DELIGHTED by his blush as he muttered ‘that right, is fuckin inappropriate innit? Fucking filth like that when I’m trying to teach you how to bake my nan’s bread? Terrible.’
Alfie’s new found YouTube success brings some unwanted attention too...
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He doesn’t really know what to do about it so he just leaves it...
A week later, however...
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Finally, lets talk messaging his significant other
Admittedly his long winded, meandering rants don’t really translate very well into text, so he much prefers to FaceTime or simply ring you
His texts are sweet though
He tries, bless him
If you don’t live together, you get a good morning and a goodnight text every night, regardless of any business.
You quickly learn to mute your phone as soon as you wake up bc he is an early bird lol
You hear the rants he doesn’t put on his story 🥺🥺
He doesn’t really use emojis but he uses them a LOT more when he texts you- mainly the heart ones
Likes your instagram posts literally as soon as they’re posted and always comments on them
‘You’re fucking beautiful you. I love you’
He does it on your snapchat story as well, sensing you your picture with a cute (or flirty) comment
SMUTTY TALK BELOW
You love texting him little flirty messages??? Just subtle ones with a cheeky double entendre.
Maybe you’re thinking about him. Maybe the sausages you had with breakfast really were juicy who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️
Either way it gets him GOING
You use snapchat to your biggest advantage, sending him cheeky little peeks at your body, but never quite ENOUGH
He clicks off the image really quickly so you normally get a ‘Alfie💖 has replayed your snap’ notification
‘Fuck me love’
‘Later. In a meeting gtg xx’
He doesn’t really take dirty pics himself. He does, however, tell you to grab your headphones ;)
Thank you for reading! Below are the other works in this collab! Make sure to check them out 💖💖
John Shelby by @cheekypeakyblinders
Michael Gray by @champagneholland
Finn Shelby by @cheekypeakyblinders
Tommy Shelby by @peak-a-blinder
Grace burgess by @champagneholland
Arthur Shelby by @peak-a-blinder
Tag list: @the-makingsofgreatness @peakyswritings @haphazardhufflepuff @diksy1112 @zodiyack @soleil-dor @hiddensapphic @fckingpeakyblinders @snugleo @alittlebirds @satanxklaus @glamsaturn @thegirlwithoutaname87 @queenofmankind @awkwardretro @captivatedbycillianmurphy @xshinytrashcanx @hanster1998 @cheekypeakyblinders @champagneholland
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sugas-sweetheart · 4 years ago
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Cuddling w/ Kirishima
(Lmao why was I scared to post something not haikyuu related, but then I was like I write stuff bc I enjoy escaping to a fantasy world with fictional ppl and maybe others would like to read it. it’s weird to think people are reading my writing. This ones kinda short but cute. Anyway, the love I have for this boy is astronomical-)
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Cuddling with kirishima. That’s it. That’s the headcanon.
I just love him s o much like Oh my-
I need a Kiri to cuddle in my life yk
n e ways
He would love to cuddle though. He wants to be manly and whats manlier than holding his s/o as close as possible as a sense of safety and comfort wash over both of you.
Comfort cuddles. While Kiri may be a bit of a himbo, he’s fairly good at reading emotions, especially, yours. He’d notice any and all differences with you from the way you’re holding yourself to how you’re speaking. Even if it takes him a bit of time to figure out the cause, he is ready to tackle you onto a bed s o f t l y and cuddle you and talk to you about whatever’s happening.
He will be the big spoon most of the time becuase he likes to know that he’s protecting you and can fit you in his arms and it’s m a n l y
Will also be the small spoon sometimes because it’s comfy and we know his backstory and not everyone is perfectly happy 100% of the time, and that’s okay because life throws stuff at us, and he likes the comfort and feeling of your arms securing him, as well as you whispering reassurances and giving him light kisses. Although, just generally being in your presence makes him feel better.
Do everything in your cuddling power to make him feel better.
“Come on, babe, we’ve gotta meet the others soon” “No, Kiri, I’m not letting go until you feel better again”
While I mostly see him as the big spoon type of guy, I could see him in basically any cuddling position imaginable. It’s confusing
I feel like sometimes he’ll wanna face you, hold you, and pepper kisses across your face as you stare into each other’s eyes, talking nonsense until one of you falls asleep (and the other is mid rant about something dumb like all the problems with the original sonic design for the movie. Something stupid that doesn’t require a long rant but it’s late at night so it happens)
As soon as he notices your asleep midway through a complaint about how someone wasn’t being manly, he tightens his grip on you lightly, whispering a small “goodnight” before placing a light kiss on you forehead, or the tip of your nose.
And then some days you might lie on his chest as he runs his hand along your back in a slow manner to help you fall asleep
o r, late nights with his hair down and he rests his head on your chest or in your lap and your hands just run through his soft red hair and he’ll wrap his arms around your waist and snuggle into you and I love him sm
Things not mentioned in writing much are the moments like “Kiri, i love you.  But, my leg’s kinda gone dead. Can you move for a minute?” 
He’d mumble something along the lines of “No, your lap’s comfortable. Stop moving” 
But hes a sweetheart and would move like a minute later. 
He likes to hold you. You like to hold him. There would simply be nothing better than cuddling this manly, soft, rock man.
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s3ungyoun · 5 years ago
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❝my eyes want you more than a melody❞ [single dad!seungwoo x reader]
genre: smut, fluff (?)
warnings: explicit language + content, age gap, unprotected sex, it’s kinda soft ngl 
word count: 4.4k
a/n (please read 😭): sorry for being so inactive!! exams + personal issues have been killing me lately. i’ve been sitting on this au idea for a couple months and i finally finished it so i wanted to post!! comments and feedback are greatly appreciated. i feel like this has a lot of unnecessary build-up until the smut which i usually don’t do, so pls let me know if u like it this way or not <3 ty pls enjoy
Seungwoo was untouchable.
Disregarding the fact that he was sinfully attractive and unbearably kind (aka, way out of your league) — he also just happened to be the dad of the child you babysat most weeknights. Harboring a crush on an actual father was not exactly ideal, yet you somehow managed it anyways. 
It was the little things, really, such as the way he would ask you to stay for dinner in his honey-like voice, or how his long, slender fingers looked as he ran them through his hair, rousing it in the process. Or maybe even the way he would always give his son a goodnight kiss, melting your heart as you wished he would give you one too.
“What are your plans for tonight?” your friend Yohan asked, snapping you out of your reverie. 
“Hmm? Oh, I’m watching Dongpyo.”
At that Yohan let out a slight chuckle, leaning back in his chair and mockingly raising his brow at you. Your crush on Seungwoo was painstakingly obvious to everyone except for him and Dongpyo (which you constantly thanked god for, seeing as the child couldn’t go a day without running his mouth). Seungwoo and Yohan were close family friends, and Yohan had actually assisted you in getting the job — unable to watch Dongpyo himself due to his busy schedule. Being a broke college student, the job was practically magical; the pay good and hours more flexible than other jobs available to those your age. Which was exactly why Seungwoo was so untouchable. You needed this job, and the thought of ruining it over a simple crush haunted you through every interaction. 
“The fact that Seungwoo-hyung hasn’t noticed obsession with him yet still amazes me.”
“Shut up,” you groan, glaring at him. “I’m not that obvious.”
“You look at him like you want to get railed.”
“And? I do.”
Yohan scrunches his nose up in disgust. “I’m gonna pretend you didn’t say that.” 
-- 
Picking up Dongpyo from school was something you enjoyed immensely. The walk home was spent with the 7-year-old ranting about his day, whether good or bad, and you nodding your head as if you totally agreed that his classmate, Minhee, was selfish for stealing his crackers during snack time — or whatever petty drama elementary students dealt with. 
Today, Dongpyo had gotten in trouble for talking back to his teacher, and you couldn’t help but coo at his pouty expression, reaching out to pat his head in sympathy. 
“Just follow her orders next time. Then you won’t get put in time out.”
“You don’t understand!” he whined, shaking his little fists. “She was wrong, I just wanted to correct her! She’s so mean to me.”
Chuckling, you turn to grab the child’s hand as you both cross the street, soon arriving to his and Seungwoo’s apartment building. Dongpyo switched the subject as you rode up the elevator, now telling you about Hyeongjun’s epic birthday party. This was the best part of your day — bonding with Dongpyo. While Yohan and Hangyul assumed you only liked the job for the perk of talking to Seungwoo, you did genuinely enjoy his son’s company. Not only was he adorable, but funny and warm-hearted as well, all traits you assumed he inherited from his father. 
The apartment itself was clean and sleek. While you had initially been surprised at the size of it, you quickly learned that Seungwoo’s job, whatever it was, paid quite well. 
Despite the apartment’s organization, Dongpyo’s toys still occasionally littered the floor, and you were careful not to accidentally step on a lego or break one of his precious toy cars. On days he felt especially active he would ask you to play with him, but for the most part he studied and stared at his iPad.
You were grateful for his low maintenance. Even though Seungwoo was gracious enough to work with your class schedule, you still arrived home late, leaving you barely any time to complete your assignments. Sometimes you wished the job was a little more demanding, Seungwoo a little harsher — because maybe then you wouldn’t feel the way you do.
--
Seungwoo arrived home a couple minutes earlier than usual that day, and you perked your head up at the sound of keys jingling in the lock, Dongpyo excitedly jumping up from his place on the couch to run towards the door. 
“Daddy!” he yelled, bouncing up and down while waving his arms as a signal for Seungwoo to pick him up. The father complied, his previously weary eyes sparkling in delight as Dongpyo nuzzled his face into his chest. 
“Was he good today?” Seungwoo asked.
“Well...” you began, glancing at Dongpyo. Noticing the pleading look on his face, you quickly changed your expression. “He was great! As always.”
Even if Dongpyo had decided to act up, you never quite felt like telling Seungwoo — seeing the smile come off his face as he solemnly disciplined his child broke your heart more than you wanted to admit. That, mixed with Dongpyo’s unresistable pout, usually kept him out of trouble. 
Seungwoo smiled. “Of course he was, I’m sure you keep him in check anyways. You don’t want to bother our precious babysitter, do you Dongpyo?”
Your face flushed, color lighting up your cheeks as Dongpyo giggled in agreement. “Y/N is the best!”
“Mm, she is, isn’t she?”
Letting out a slight chuckle, you pick up your things, simultaneously wanting to go yet dreading having to leave. Seungwoo puts Dongpyo down and turns towards you.
“Do you want to stay for dinner?” he asks, and you feel your heart leap a little. Dinners with Seungwoo weren’t extremely common, yet he did invite you to stay every once in a while It was rare that you took up on his offer, however, too worried you might embarrass yourself in some way that would haunt you for the remainder of your life. Besides, you were busy as well. 
“Ah,” you looked down. “I actually have a lot to do. Thank you, though!”
A flicker of disappointment flashed upon Seungwoo’s face, but he was quick to mask his dismay, nodding and wishing you farewell as you walked out the door. 
There were few sensations in the world that made you feel breathless, as if you were peacefully falling; a moment of tranquility yet exhilaration. Seungwoo smiling was one of them.
--
“Why don’t you just talk to him?” Hangyul suggested, thumb scrolling through his twitter feed as he laid haphazardly across your couch.
“Yeah, Seungwoo-hyung is nice. He’s not going to fire you for having a crush on him.” Yohan agreed.
Whining, you scowled at them. “How do I even approach that? ‘Hey, father of the child I’m currently making sure doesn’t die, I think you’re hot.’ No, that’s stupid. I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.”
“That’s kinda good actually. Brief, but gets the message across. Maybe don’t reiterate the fact that you babysit his kid, though.”
“Wait,” Hangyul interjects. “I have an even better idea.”
“Which is?” you prompt.
“I’ll make a shirt that says ‘Please Fuck Me.” You can wear it next time you go over.”
“Ooh,” Yohan exclaims. “Subtle. I like it.”
You throw a pillow at them. 
--
It was Monday, and Dongpyo seemed to be even more talkative than usual on the walk home. You zoned out slightly, occasionally nodding and mumbling one-word responses as Dongpyo continuously blabbered. In a way, you felt bad, but you had too much on your mind to listen to the seven-year-old complain about his teacher — no matter how adorable he was.
Dongpyo, however, sensed your wavering attention, tugging on your jeans while pouting slightly.
“Y/N,” he whined.
“Yes?” you asked, finally looking at him.
“Do you have a boyfriend?”
Eyes widening comically, you laughed while crouching down to his level. “No, I don’t. But why would you ask that?”
His pout turned into a smirk. To be frank, you were quite scared of Dongpyo at times — despite his innocent face, he always seemed to be planning something. “Well, Daddy said you were pretty, and Uncle Wooseok told me that when you think someone’s pretty, it’s because you like them.”
“I don’t think your dad said that, Dongpyo.”
“It’s true!” He yelled defensively. “Daddy thinks you’re pretty!”
Standing up, you reach to press the elevator button, ready for the conversation to be over as you head up to Seungwoo’s place. “Whatever you say.”
The walk into Seungwoo’s apartment is met with cries of indignation from Dongpyo, the younger still upset by the fact that you don’t believe him. Rolling your eyes, you shush him, hands coming up to rub at your temples. Your head had started to hurt due to the loudness of Dongpyo’s yells, each hour passing by slowly as you attempted to finish a paper due the next day despite Dongpyo’s words still ringing in your mind. Lying was not something he partook in. While the child did have a big mouth, everything he said was true to a certain extent.
Soon enough, Seungwoo is unlocking the door, Dongpyo jumping up and repeating the same scene that had occurred only days ago. It was heartwarming, really, how much the two loved each other. Basking in the affection in front of you, you completely forgot about Dongpyo’s words from earlier — until he decided to blurt it out.
“Daddy, you said Y/N was pretty, right?” 
“I—,” Seungwoo blinked, startled. “Where is this coming from?”
Blushing again, you were quick to stammer out a response, internally thinking of ways to escape the situation. “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer him, he was just saying nonsense earlier—”
“She doesn’t believe me! I told her you said it, and she doesn’t believe me! Tell her I’m not lying, please.”
“Dongpyo,” Seungwoo sighed. “Why don’t you go to your room and play with the new toy I bought you, hmm?”
“But daddy—”
“Go.” He said sternly, watching as Dongpyo stomped down the hallway, lightly slamming his door in protest. 
Stuttering, you motion towards the door, slowly getting up. “Um, I think— I think I should go now, see you tomorrow?”
He focused his gaze on you, smiling faintly when he noticed the blush on your face. “I’m sorry about Dongpyo, he really has no filter sometimes.”
“Oh,” you said. “Don’t worry about it. Kids just have a good imagination.” 
“He wasn’t lying.”
This — this was where the lines truly blurred. Sure, Seungwoo had always been overwhelmingly kind, and at times a bit touchy, but he had never been so blatant before. There were moments of uncertainty, moments in which you wondered whether or not he felt the same way. Of course, you still weren’t sure, but you were at least aware of the fact that he thought you were pretty. And that simple statement was enough to keep locked in both your heart and mind for days or weeks on end, only opening the vault when you felt like further exploring your supposedly delusional fantasies.
You’re quick to leave after that, using the excuse of your paper as you practically run out the door. Once in the elevator, you let out a breath you didn’t even know you were holding.
--
Maybe, just maybe you were a bit more delusional after what had happened. But when Seungwoo invited you to stay over for dinner that Friday, you didn’t deny him. 
The dinner itself was good, and Dongpyo talked throughout the whole ordeal, excitedly chattering about the field trip his school had taken that day. You couldn’t exactly pay attention to the food or Dongpyo, however, too flustered by Seungwoo’s constant stare. At first, you were worried that you had accidentally gotten something on your face, but after a quick trip to the bathroom, you determined that he was simply staring for no reason — staring at you.
As the night calmed down and Dongpyo went to bed, you were almost scared of what Seungwoo was going to do. Clearly, he had something to say — or he wouldn’t have stared at you like that. But what exactly was it? Had he found out about your crush? Were you going to be fired? Your stomach churned anxiously at the last question, fingers toying with the rips in your jeans as you sat on the couch, waiting for Seungwoo to return from Dongpyo’s bedroom. 
“Sorry about the wait,” he said as he sat down next to you. “Dongpyo wanted me to read him a bedtime story.”
You internally cooed, your mind immediately picturing the scene: a tired Dongpyo, desperately clinging onto his father as Seungwoo’s eyes filled with adoration, laying him down and—
Snap out of it, you reminded yourself, instead attempting to focus on what new jobs you could apply for when you got home. Maybe a barista?
“So,” Seungwoo started. “I wanted to talk about Monday, but I haven’t gotten the chance without you running out the door.” At that sentence he chuckled nervously, seeming almost as apprehensive as you. 
You gulped.
“I’m sorry if my comment made you uncomfortable. It wasn’t my intention, and I’m fully aware that it’s not my place to say things of that nature to someone who—well, someone who watches my kid.”
“It didn’t,” you stammered, “It didn’t make me feel uncomfortable or anything. I was just, surprised? I guess. I don’t really expect someone like you to think someone like me is pretty.”
He glanced into your eyes, fingers reaching out to brush a strand of hair out of your face. They finally settle on your cheek, and as his thumb strokes your chin, it feels like the air is being sucked out of your lungs, your chest constricting with each movement. “Y/N, you’re very pretty. You’re beautiful. If you weren’t so young and Dongpyo’s babysitter, I would—,” he stops. “Well, that’s not important.”
“You would what?” you implore, subconsciously scooting closer.
His eyes lazily drop down to your lips, and you’re certain that he can hear how fast your heart’s beating. Uncertainty lingers slightly in the air, clouding the mood and making you briefly wonder if this was a good idea — if this was going to ruin everything. You have hardly any time to be nervous, however, as Seungwoo is quick to close the gap between the two of you, molding your lips together. 
It wasn’t rushed nor heated, quick nor sloppy. It seemed to be a perfect meld of everything that is Seungwoo. From the way his fingertips gently combed through your hair, the way his other hand had settled protectively at your hip, or the faint aroma you caught of his cologne — everything somehow pieced itself together to portray his want, to portray the ache he had felt after pining for you all these months. 
You’re the first to pull away, breathing slightly laboured as you both stare at one another, each waiting for someone to speak. You’re not sure why, but every doubt you’ve ever had, every single moment of regret you’ve faced, has somehow been released into your mind. As if a dam had burst, you’re quick to jump up from your spot on the couch, refusing to look Seungwoo in the eye as you hastily took your leave.
You had fucked up.
--
“So, just to make sure,” Yohan said. “He said you were pretty, kissed you, and then you left?”
“Yeah, sounds about right.” 
“Are you fucking stupid?”
You let out an indistinguishable groan, words muffled by your pillow. “Clearly.” 
“I don’t understand your thought process. The man you haven’t shut up about for the past year basically tells you he likes you back, so your first thought is to ghost him?” 
“It’s not that simple!” You yell defensively, strangely resembling Dongpyo in the way you whine.
Yohan sighs in annoyance. “Explain then! What’s not simple about it?”
“First of all, he has a whole child. He’s also a lot older. 
“He’s not even 30.”
“Still! I’m probably too immature for him.”
“Doesn’t he get to make that decision though?” Yohan asks. “If he thought you were too immature for him, he probably wouldn’t like you in the first place.”
Grumbling, you turn to face him, face adorned with a scowl. “Can you stop being annoyingly right for one second? God, it’s suffocating.”
Yohan shakes his head. “If him being a single father bothers you, don’t do anything. But I know you. You love Dongpyo, and you obviously like Seungwoo-hyung too. If the only thing holding you back from pursuing this is the fear that he won’t like you, then, well, you’re even dumber than I thought.”
“I know,” you sigh. “But I kinda already messed everything up, don’t you think?”
“Seungwoo-hyung’s more forgiving than you think. He’s probably just as confused and anxious as you, wondering what he did wrong.”
The gears are slowly turning in your head as you calculate when you can talk to Seungwoo next. It was a long weekend, meaning Dongpyo had gone off to see his mother, and you were off work until Tuesday. While you weren’t quite sure of Seungwoo’s work schedule on the weekend, you still mustered up the courage to go and visit his apartment anyways, Yohan’s words lingering in the back of your mind. 
Tension radiates off your body as the elevator slowly climbs to Seungwoo’s floor. A small voice in the back of your head tells you that this is a bad idea, that it will only result in heartbreak and tears and having to find a new job. But there’s a bigger part of you, a part that is simultaneously fueled by your heart and whatever words of encouragement Yohan managed to give you — and that part leads you to Seungwoo’s door, it leads you to raise your fist and knock on it, and it leads you to step inside. There’s no turning back now, no excuses or hasty exits. Instead, it is you and Seungwoo, finally alone.
He’s the first to break the silence, offering you a drink as you tells you to sit down. You politely decline, making yourself comfortable on his couch, mind reeling back to the events that took place on it a mere two days ago. 
“I shouldn’t have kissed you, it was wrong of me to do so. If you no longer want to work here I understand, and I’m sorry for overstepping any boundaries. I just— I guess I just read the moment wrong, and I’m sorry for that.”
“Seungwoo,” you said softly. “You don’t have to apologize, I kissed you back. I guess I was just a bit overwhelmed with...everything. I like you, I really do. And I’m sorry if you don’t feel that way, if you just felt like kissing me for no reason and you don’t want me to work for you anymore. But—”
He cuts you off. “Y/N, I do want you to stop working for me.”
“Oh.”
“B-but not because I’m mad or uncomfortable or anything,” he laughs nervously, scratching at the back of his head. “I like you too. But that’s kinda hard when you’re, well, my employee.” 
“Are you firing me?” you ask teasingly.
“Do you want to be fired?”
“I want you to keep liking me.”
“Well then, yes, you’re fired.”
Giggling, you bat your eyelashes at him, “Can I at least get a goodbye kiss, then?” 
The kiss is heated this time, Seungwoo’s lips fervently pressing against yours as both of his hands trace your hip bones, moving slightly up and down your lower body. Yours are quick to mold themselves into his hair, gripping softly while his tongue coaxes your mouth open. Urgency is replaced by passion, and any hesitation is swallowed with every movement Seungwoo makes. Slowly, he lays you back against the couch, hovering over your flushed body as he continues his ministrations.
You’re the first to push things further, legs spreading out in order for Seungwoo to situate himself between them, the older man practically enveloping your entirety. As if they have a mind of their own, your hips bucked up to meet Seungwoo’s, a strained moan leaving his mouth at the contact. He’s quick to reciprocate, grinding down into you like a touch-starved highschooler. It’s almost sweet, the notion that you can turn Seungwoo into a groaning mess. But you suppose he has the same effect on you. 
Pulling back, he begins to leave soft kisses on your neck, biting softly when you let out a sigh of encouragement. There’s no doubt you’ll have marks the next morning, but at that moment, you can’t find it in yourself to care. 
Soft kisses and nips soon trail further down until he reaches your chest, Seungwoo immediately looking up at you for consent to continue. You nod, but he seems dissatisfied by this, shaking his head while letting out a hum of disapproval.
“Use your words, princess,” he orders.
“Please, Seungwoo. I want you to touch me.”
“Where do you want me to touch you, sweetheart?”
“Anywhere,” you whine. “Just please.”
He smirks at this, fingers tugging at the edge of your shirt as he lifts it off, unbuckling your bra as well. You’re a bit embarrassed — being so exposed — but the anxiety is quickly washed away by his awestruck gaze, Seungwoo leaning back up to resume kissing you as his hand gropes your breast, relishing in your gasps of pleasure when he lightly pinches your perked nipple. His other hand focuses on undoing your pants, making quick work of the buttons and zipper. 
The two of you briefly break apart in order for Seungwoo to take off your jeans as you almost rip away his shirt. If you were to look in on the both of you, it would seem as if you were starved — two lovers reunited after a painstaking absence. Instead, you were simply hollow, desperately clawing at the other for a sense of love and passion.
And indeed, you both found what you were looking for.
Both of you were stripped down to your underwear, yet no hasty movements were made. It was that moment again — that moment of tranquility yet exhilaration. The moment that was only ignited by Seungwoo’s smile, by Seungwoo’s voice, by Seungwoo. And right now, it was being ignited by the feeling of his fingers delicately tracing your core, your panties practically soaked with each circular motion. Slowly, he pulls your underwear down, tossing them across the room somewhere. Digits circling your hole, Seungwoo pushes one finger in, taking delight in the wanton moan that escapes your lips. 
“More,” you beg, hips moving to meet the thrust of his hand.
Seungwoo complies, pushing in another finger and attempting to scissor your open. The movement of your hips becomes more desperate when he adds a third, and you’re quick to warn him of your impending orgasm.
“S-stop,” you tell him shakily.
He pulls his fingers out, worriedly glancing up at you to make sure you’re not in pain. “Are you okay?” he asks. “Did I hurt you?”
Shaking your head, you point to his hard length pressed against your thigh, practically throbbing with need. “No, just wanna come with you inside me.”
At your statement he smirks, thumbs hooking around the waistband of his underwear and pulling them off. Your eyes widen slightly at his size, which doesn’t go unnoticed by Seungwoo, who leans down and kisses you ardently again, hands taking hold of your thighs in order to spread your legs apart and position himself between them.
Gripping the base of his cock, Seungwoo rubs the head against your folds, collecting your wetness while effectively teasing you. 
“Oh my god,” you whine. “Just fuck me already.” 
With that, he thrusted into you. The stretch was slightly painful at first, but Seungwoo had accommodated for it accordingly, giving you a second to adjust before he pulled almost all the way out, plunging his hips into yours again. Your breasts bounced with each snap of his hips, hands reaching out in hopes of finding something to grab onto you. Seungwoo notices this, intertwining his hands with yours with a look of both adoration and lust. 
“You feel so good wrapped around me, princess.”
You could only moan in acknowledgment, your brain foggy and disoriented from the pleasure. Releasing one of your hands, Seungwoo reached down to rub your clit, causing you to clench around him.
“Shit,” he mumbled. “You’re so tight.”
“Seungwoo, faster,” you whimpered, close to reaching your high.
His hips seemed to move at double the speed, drilling into you while you babbled incoherently, letting out small praises and loud gasps. Everything was overwhelming in a good way, each one of your senses being overcome by Seungwoo’s movements. His brow furrowed in concentration, and you could tell that he was close too, leading you to purposely clench around him. 
“Don’t, ‘m gonna come.”
“Me too,” you said, clenching again. His thrusts became sloppy, fingers lazily circling your clit as you both rode out your highs. The sound of labored breathing and racing pulses filled the room as the two of you basked in the afterglow, only breaking apart once Seungwoo pulled out and a light squeal of sensitivity was heard from you. He stood up, leaving to grab a warm washcloth and returning with fresh clothes. 
Sighing, he looks down, “We probably shouldn’t have done this on the couch.”
You let out a giggle, smiling warmly at him as he cleaned you up and dressed you, ensuring that you were fully comfortable before laying down again, positioning you to lay on top of his chest.
“You don’t regret anything, right?” he implores, anxiously gnawing at his bottom lip.
“No,” you affirm. “I told you I liked you, didn’t I?”
“Mmm, you’re right. It’s settled then, right?”
You look up at him curiously. “What exactly is being settled?” 
“That we like each other. That you no longer work for me. That— that I want you to be mine.”
“Yeah,” you smiled at him. “It’s settled.”
Letting out a sigh of content, he visibly relaxes. “Good.”
“But, who’s going to babysit Dongpyo now?”
“Hmm,” he mumbled, kissing the top of your head. “You should do it for free as my girlfriend, don’t you think?”
You could probably get used to that.
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