#anyways i'm ranting about myself bc i'm annoying myself

[sga-owns-my-soul]

me to myself when i'm in a bad mood: do u fucking mind?????? some of us are tryna vibe and this energy Ain't Fuckin It bro. might i suggest you chill out mayhaps?

[tumblezwei]

the "why do demographics even matter" discourse started up in shoujo twitter again because someone asked for shoujo recs and kept getting Apothecary Diaries, Witch Hat Atelier, and Skip and Loafer.

And it's so frustrating sometimes to see people brush off others getting mad bc "those are great series anyways so why does it matter if they're not actually shoujo"

Because that's not what they asked for, maybe??? Like even if demographics didn't matter, if the only qualifiers for shoujo were "has female lead, written by woman, no fanservice" why can you (average twitter weeb recommending something) only think of like, 5 series? And it's always the same fucking 5 series!!! Isn't that interesting? Isn't that weird?? That out of all of the manga in the whole wide world, the only ones that you can muster up for female-led and penned are the same shounen and seinen series that everyone already knows about??

And that's not me being all snobbish bc you don't know about some random niche shoujo manga from the 80s that I think deserves more attention or whatever the fuck, it's me saying THAT'S WHY DEMOS STILL MATTER!!! Because shoujo is not fucking popular in the west. it is not widespread enough for laymen to just come across new series in the wild as often as they will other demos.

There is a gigantic and diverse pool of stories that exists in the shoujo demographic. There are so many great fucking series from years ago and today that nobody knows about because you have to know to look for them. You just aren't going to be recommended shoujosei heavy hitters that are widely beloved by it's community like you are shounen or seinen. Like, if you ask for stuff to look out for in the coming seasons, you're going to get a lot more Kaiju No. 8 and Dandadan then you are Nina and the Starry Eyed Bride or Honey Lemon Soda. Odds are, out of those four, most people reading this probably only heard of the former.

And again that's not me trying to flex some weird superiority over knowing more "niche" series or whatever. I'm just trying to stress the point that it matters when people ask for shoujo. Because so often unless they go to it, so many of these incredible series will simply never get a good foothold in western audiences.

It matters because a twitter user asking for shoujo recs will absolutely come across twenty other people begging them to read Skip and Loafer. You do not need to be the lone soldier hoisting Skip and Loafer onto your shoulders on a post where OP did not ask. If you want to recommend a series but don't know if it's shoujo, it's very easy to just google it. If you don't have any to rec, then just leave it to others who do.

And maybe also take that as a sign that you can start looking too! Along with the most gentle reminder that demos are not genres. If you don't want romance stories, ask for something else. And just like someone will like one shounen (i.e. FMA) but not another (i.e. Rent-a-Girlfriend), you will come across shoujo series that you like and those that you don't.

[thelambthatkilledthewolf]

Sometimes being autistic makes being in fandom so annoying because I cannot stand people who don't interact with content the same way I do

Like yes, I do believe that everything is open to interpretation. I do believe that everyone should be allowed to ship whatever they want, because it's all made up and you should do what makes you happy

However

My interpretation is correct. My ships are correct. All other ships are disgusting. My headcanons are correct and if you don't agree with them or you have a headcanon that clashes with mine, I wish bug infestations in your house

I know these thoughts are wrong, and I'm being stupid. I know everyone is correct because there is no incorrect answer. But stupid autism dictates that it's MY hyperfixation, so I am automatically correct about it and everyone has to agree with me

I do not like the ship JonElias. I find it very icky. I think that people should be allowed to ship that, if that's what they're into. If I see it or hear about it though, I have to take several minutes away from the Internet and maybe scream a little because it makes me feel so icky. If you ship JonElias, it doesn't matter if you're a cool person or not, it doesn't matter if I have the tag blocked so I don't see it anyways, I literally cannot like you. It's so stupid. I could block a really really cool person just for liking a ship that I don't. It's ridiculous

I'm just. So damn annoyed. I feel bad for the mean thoughts I get about people who have different opinions than me, but I literally can't stop them. It's so frustrating

[tchotchkez]

😮‍💨

[sorry for the hardcore tag rants, y'all]

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

so the language of the additions on this post was very consciously influenced by my experiences living in countries with laws and cultures dominated by Islam and Buddhism, respectively.

Yes I grew up in an oppressively Christian culture, but Western Christianity is not solely or even necessarily singularly oppressive, and is certainly not the only religious structure that leverages shame in a dangerous way. And we do the world at large a disservice by acting like other major global religious institutions are harmless simply because they aren't Christian. Religious trauma comes in many forms, foreign and familiar.

not to be anti-religious but i do wonder if teaching children that they are innately flawed and sinful is, perhaps, not a healthy worldvi

[dumb-duxky]

Anger

Here is raph, not really what I envisioned when I started drawing but I like how it came out anyways ^^

Haven't really been drawing him bc I didn't really know how without doing him dirty...I'm not a fan of what I did for raphs day during tmaynt 🪦

Tried a new way to color, or new brushes to use, and I kinda like how it turned out 😋

[rant about anger under the cut lmao] [beware its a whole lot of (personal) yapping 😖/let me know if i should delete the yapping here]

__

I really like the kind of red waterpaint on raph, I feel like it really kind of adds onto how I personally feel when I get angry. It's just a feeling that creeps up on you. Sometimes it's sudden, other times it kind of builds up. But the feeling of anger makes you feel dirty and guilty in the end anyways, so it always is the same, yet so easy to fall back to.

Anger is actually a huge problem for me, and I usually explode on my siblings. It's not fair for me or them, and it always makes me feel terrible and dirty after. It's most likely a passed down thing, since my mom was always like that, then me, and now it's appearing in my younger brother. The only difference is that mine is very common and even they seem weary to not trigger me at times, which is such a huge L for me honestly ☠️

What I'm trying to say is that I really do understand Raph when he just gets angry for everything, its very relatable. Mostly 2012 raph. I relate to that Mikey too, honestly just the both of them. The anger is just so simple and complex, yet very annoying 💀

I do want to say that it's not as bad as before, as I used to get a little violent, and say more hurtful things, but now while i still get anger, I'm very careful not to seriously hurt anyone, mentally. I would never forgive myself if I got physical again. Unlike before, I am now an older teen, and I refuse to have my anger control me and have more permanent consequences. Also it kills me with guilt.

But now I've learned how to be a silly lil fellow, and that helps a lot more than what you would think ☠️

I will say that these days i have a very righteous anger, where I want everything to be orderly and fair. I get angry when my siblings act irrationally or get hurt, I do get protective, and it makes me feel like a dog 💀 I have been able to sniff out bad people long before they are revealed to be bad, such is the case in some of my sister friends (I'm right 100% of the time ☠️)

OK I'm going to shut up now I'm actually making myself angry for yapping tf ⚰️

(Might delete this rant here later tbh)

[jebewonmorelike]

Pay You Back

wc: 1.3k (failed my own 1.1k challenge but close enough) pronouns: none used; n/a warnings: fluff, some themes of social anxiety/embarrassment in public but nothing descriptive, asking about financial troubles, hao being both your mom and boyfriend, he's in zb1 in this summary: idolboyfriend!hao has to come rescue reader when their card declines at the grocery store and he is not prepared to find out the reason it's maxed out. ~masterlist~ ♡ ~kofi (no pressure at all)~ so i wrote this to see if i could force myself to limit to under 1.1k words... i have a tendency to get carried away and not as many people like longer fics so. i failed bc i went 200 words over but it was a pretty close. anyway if i write shorter works, i can write more so i want to get back in the habit of it. better for my stress levels too lmao. just finished my second "semester" back at school i'm so happy!! third semester stars 7/3 tho so that's annoying but. i have one whole week to do nothing (except work but). ANYWAY hope you enjoy :)

“(Y/N)?” You hear your boyfriend’s voice as he enters the grocery shop. Even though Zhang Hao is quite reserved, he’s more than willing to make a small scene if you’re in trouble. “(Y/N)!?”

The store owner, who is also manning the checkout counter, lifts his arm high enough for Hao to see it over the aisles, pointing at you exaggeratedly— more than unamused.

Hao rushes over to where you stand in the checkout lane; your groceries half-bagged, half sitting askew on the conveyor belt. A couple people are beginning to line up behind you. He frowns, trying to decipher what about this scene could’ve possibly made you text him: 

🚨 EMERGENCY AT MARKET!! PLEASE COME HELP!! 🚨

“Honey, what’s wrong?” He asks, brows furrowed in confusion. “You said there was an emergency!”

“Is not being able to pay for your large grocery order after someone has already gone through the trouble to scan and bag most of it an emergency?” The owner asks, resentful eyes still locked on your embarrassed ones. 

Hao starts to open his mouth to respond, but the owner cuts him off. “I’ll answer for you. It is an emergency... if the owner forgot to pay his utilities bill and the electricity went out while his wife was curling her hair for work this morning.”

Your boyfriend glances at you then back at the store owner. “Right…”

“I tried to just leave, but he kept this exact same rant going for ten minutes,” you whisper to him as the owner continues to moan and groan about how his wife chased him around the house with a slipper. “I’m really sorry to bother you. I know how busy you are.”

Hao shakes his head definitively. “It doesn’t matter how busy I am— I’ll always have time to help you out,” he says with an affectionate smile, raising his hand to squeeze your right shoulder comfortingly. “As long as you continue to conveniently call when I’m already on lunch break.”

You sigh, looking back down at your shoes in embarrassment.

“Did you forget your credit card? Is that the issue?” Hao asks, taking his wallet out of his back pocket before you even answer.

The store owner laughs. “Worse. It declined.”

Hao looks at you concernedly. Maxing out your credit card was not like you at all. Despite the occasional shopping splurge, you were usually quite practical with money. The look of worry on Hao’s face is valid. 

Still, he hands his own credit card to the store owner and begins throwing some of your grocery items into bags himself. As the owner hands Hao his receipt and credit card back, you pick up a few of the bags and head toward the sliding doors. Hao grabs the last bag and follows quickly behind you.

When you’re outside, you breathe a deep sigh of relief; even a couple of people’s annoyed stares had caused your heart to speed up and your body temperature to rise. Hao falls into step beside you, but it takes you a few moments to relax enough to remember he’s there.

When you finally look over at him, he smiles reassuringly. The token introvert had set aside his nature (and sacrificed his coveted lunch break) to rescue you. And he’d also paid for your groceries.

“I’ll pay you back,” you promise softly, cheeks turning rosy once more.

Hao purposely bumps into your side as you walk, trying to get you to smile and break your tension. It works. You scrunch your nose up at him in a smile and he glues himself to your side, hooking a finger in your back pocket to keep you as close as possible as you make your way down the quiet street.

After another few moments of comfortable silence, Hao clears his throat. “So,” he starts, trying his best to sound nonchalant. “Are you behind on credit card payments? There’s no shame in it; it happens.”

“No,” you answer simply, shaking your head as you steal a glance at your boyfriend. You watch as his brow furrows in confusion.

“Oh,” he replies, lips forming a small pout. “Well, you know you could tell me if you were, right? I'd do my best to help you if that’s what you needed.”

“I know,” you say with a smile, watching again as he blinks curiously-- trying to figure out what the problem could be. “I’d tell you if I was having financial problems. I'd refuse your help, but I would tell you.”

“Right,” he affirms, nodding as if to convince himself that he could end his interrogation there. He fails, of course, and an unstoppable flurry of questions begins to fall from his lips. “So... So what happened? Did the card expire or something? Why didn’t you use your debit card? There’s money on your debit card, right? And I know you despise cash, but--.”

You stop walking and Hao’s finger still hooked in the pocket of your jeans pulls him back to face you. “There is an incredibly simple explanation for this,” you explain, placing your grocery bags on the ground for a moment as you pull your credit card out of your phone case. “This card isn’t my usual credit card. It’s a very limited credit account that I opened for a specific purchase. It looks almost identical to my actual credit card I use on a normal basis so I grabbed this one by accident before I left this afternoon. I was in a rush and couldn’t find my debit card, so I took what I thought was my credit card thinking I’d be fine, but... I was obviously not fine.”

“Ohhh,” Hao sighs, nodding in both comprehension and relief. “Well that makes a lot more sense. I was worried about you! I didn’t think you’d suddenly developed some sort of debilitating shopping addiction, but...”

“Rest assured,” you soothe, picking your bags back up and continuing with your boyfriend down the street to the bus stop. “I have plenty of money. I wish I had more, of course. But it’s enough to survive for now.”

“Are you sure you want to take the bus?” Hao asks, running his hand down your back comfortingly. “I can drive you.”

“No, you can’t,” you reply, taking the last grocery bag from his hands and draping it on your arm. You rummage through it for a moment before pulling out a fresh deli sandwich. “Your lunch break is almost over and I've used up all of it already. So, eat this on the way back to Wakeone or I will find you and I will shove it down your throat myself.”

“I can see you’re back to normal,” Hao says with a grin, taking the boxed sandwich in his hand as you reach the bus stop. “I love you.”

“Love you more,” you say, checking to make sure no one is around before kissing his cheek. His eyes closed, he sighs blissfully.

Your bus makes its way around the corner, pulling to a stop in front of you. 

“Oh, I forgot to ask,” Hao says quickly as you walk up the steps. “What was the purchase that you opened that new credit card for?”

You turn around, biting your lip in a smile. “I bought 40 copies of your debut album!”

“YOU DID WHAT!?”

You’re not sure if you’ve ever seen Zhang Hao more shocked than he is right now. You’re lucky the sandwich box didn’t fly out of his hand and onto the sidewalk. 

“It’s okay: I’m pretty sure I made a good investment!” You call back with a wink to your boyfriend, whose jaw is still dropped as the bus door begins to close. “Didn’t I?”

All Hao can do is nod-- a slow, exaggerated nod as he processes what you’ve said.

You wave at him, grinning-- any embarrassment you had felt ten minutes ago entirely washed away. Zhang Hao may have had to buy your groceries for you, but you think you might’ve already paid him back.

As the doors close, you call to a now smiling but awestruck Hao:

“You’re welcome!”

[khaopybara]

Ok I have written and rewritten this trying to get all my thoughts together about affair so l apologize if im all over the place.

I am glad that wan ran away and im actually having second thoughts about wanting them to be together. One part of me understands and accepts that pleng has been slower at realizing her own feeling for wan (it happens) while wan has been all in since they were kids. The other half of me wants to slap pleng and shout at her "WHY DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE ONE FOOT OUT THE DOOR, CANT YOU SEE HOW MUCH WAN LOVES YOU!?!?" THIS WOMAN MARRIED A GUY SHE DIDNT EVEN LOVE TO KEEP HER PROMISE TO PLENG AND HAD HOPED THAT PLENG WOULD SEE THEIR WEDDING ANNOUNCEMENT!!! Admittedly a little extreme but I guess that's love!

During the entirety of pleng reading wans letter I was like "mhm yep" "so right" "exactly!" Wan said it all perfectly imo.

I feel like wan should only accept her back and forgive her if she agrees to go to both individual and couples therapy.

(also that tattoo shop was as busy as deane's 😆)

-🤫

In a similar manner, I've also written and rewritten this lol but I've been having so many feelings about WanPleng and Affair for the past couple of weeks, like seriously. And mind you, I will make no sense in this post. I'll sound like an hypocrite at times, but trust the process.

There was not even one character in Affair that didn't piss me off at some point.

Pleng pushes the protagonist privilege with me the most, and Wan has probably annoyed me the least.

But also, gotta give credit where credit is due (I suppose). The name of the show is Affair, so from the very beginning, I assumed they'd be problematic and not your usual GL sweet protagonists. I did expect it to be a more problematic-together thing, though, as in them actually being part of the affair (I could go on a full rant about Eek, but I'll stop myself), but instead, we got emotionally immature and stagnant former rich kid Pleng running away from every single one of her problems and coming up with solutions (that involve Wan) completely by herself without consulting anyone first. And it's not exactly an insecurity thing she developed for losing both of her parents + her wealth. She has done that since they were kids. It feels like an entitlement she has over Wan's life from day one.

On the other hand, we got overachiever Plengpleasing Wan who has tricked an already emotionally constipated and loveless Eek into dating and marrying her just bc Pleng told her to do it. She has always made her intentions so clear to Pleng, but I also wish she had used her words more, especially after they became adults.

They both need so much therapy and counselling, because if they stay together, it'll only be because they have this wrong notion that they are only able to love each other in this lifetime. And it's an insecure love, because in that letter, you can hear how much resentment she still has for Pleng leaving.

And mind you, I say this with love! They are extremely unhealthy to each other, and Wan's mom is kind of right when she says Pleng clouds Wan's perspective. They love each other unhealthily and at this point, they both deserve each other (and it's not like their options are good with a bunch of dudes who are all pain the asses. I'm not even kidding, not even one of them if a good fit. I didn't even remember who that Frank guy was and then remembered he's the one in the bike who I thought wanted Pleng first and then saw that Wan became a pretty teenager!!! And decided to switch his attentions to her instead.)

Anyway. I love them, and I hope they learn the magic of words and therapy and solve their issues. (Maybe they should get a therapist to every character, too.) Or maybe not. Stay unhealthy girls, but be unhealthy to others and not each other, alright?

[intimesnewhomo]

Still fucking thinking abt this tbh.

Just. Genuinely fucking blown away by how utterly dogshit that crowd was. We were at the rail and for the most part the people in our immediate vicinity (besides the girls Right next to me and the guy on the other side of them) were absolutely wild and rowdy. I had a group of guys just behind me and to the left a little who were EXUBERANT and jumped at least half the show to the point of security telling them to calm down and one guy almost overheating lol and were rly rly crashing into me during Song for the Dead. The people immediately behind me and Harris were fucking rowdy too. The ladies we talked to a little and were on the other side of Harris were wildin out. So seeing people say that the crowd sucked? That the rail was lame? (From the ppl behind us no less, which was a wee bit insulting lol) I was like wtf are you guys talking about?

But then. Oh boy but then!

Harris looked up some show videos to see if we could see what the crowd looked like from farther back and holy shit. The way the crowd was fucking DEAD during Go With The Flow????? GO WITH THE FLOW????? You'd never fucking know you were @ a Queens show with Go with the fucking Flow playing Jesus Christ!!!!! You'd think you were watching an opener, not the headliner playing one of The™ songs.We were both shocked at how fucking just. Bad it was!!!!! It's genuinely no wonder Josh seemed kinda fucking Pissed all night and just fucking rushed off stage I feel so fucking bad for them and fucking embarrassed about being in that fucking crowd.

So I'm firebombing Nas.hville off the face of the earth actually!!!!!!

[tea-and-secrets]

Okay this one is sorta NSFW but it's not detailed. Anyway I made a tumblr blog about a deeply taboo subject that I am into (it is not illegal or immoral just heavily looked down upon) and since this thing is so taboo and shameful I don't tag my posts with it. I don't want to get harassment or banned yk. Anyway I found some sort of a community and one of them had a confession blog. I submitted an ask related to the content and mentioned a fic I really liked and they deleted my ask and made a post saying not to make asks personal related. Like it was fandom related it wasn't personal??? (The blog was about fandoms so) the community is so tiny and im kind of forced to interact if I want some content tbh. I'm also autistic and a freak so that does not make social matters any better. I just want to talk to more people about my *ahem* interest without getting canceled or shunned is that too much to ask :( anyway I also found a really cool person on Twitter who writes amazing fanfics I like. I feel bad for them because they're going through some mental stuff but they cater to my niche perfectly. I'm going through some mental stuff myself and I think thats what sparked me making the blog in the first place tbh. I've barely slept since making it and feel extremely anxious. Also further rant very off topic. The other day I sent an anon ask to a person that involved me oversharing about my mental illness. It was completely unasked for but said disorder was related to a post they made that upset me. I don't really feel bad abt it because they upset me and made a pretty rude post about a sensitive subject. I have more tea still. I infiltrated this community of insufferable people who had an anon ask blog much like this. People were so mean on there like I was just trying to share my thoughts like this and they kept bullying me :( it's so annoying bc my mental illness is irrational and people just don't Get It. These days I sometimes just pop into random peoples ask boxes and talk about this stuff. I just think way too much and my friends and people irl would think I am literally insane. I kind of am but thats beside the point. Here's to the ramblings of a mental person. Anyway diagnose me im waiting

.

[charles-leclerc-official]

I was talking to my psych teacher about biases in experiments and the importance of planning procedures around them when I started telling them about what I'd noticed in journalism and stuff and I finally put words to the thoughts I'd been having:

Biases are inherent to people, like people will be biased it's not something we can change, people can make efforts to be objective but I feel that some amount of bias will always seep through, which is fine! But what I find really really annoying is when people claim to be unbiased and then VERY CLEARLY have biases, which again is pretty common if not annoying, but the thing that pisses me off is when these people expect their audiences to believe that their very biased opinions are fact instead of what they actually are

Like I know its a lot to expect from people nowadays to be able to critically process things without letting their personal feelings cloud any information but it's still irritating

Like I myself am biased towards things but I don't pretend my opinions are anything but opinions unless there's factual data to prove my point

I really appreciate your blog because even when your analysis is pretty fucking filled with actual solid data to back you up your still pretty clear that you have preferences, and that's something I rlly respect

I used to have problems bc I used to take everything too seriously and if I saw even one negative thing someone said I'd start spiralling and internalising shit, like the f1 fandom doom posting would have honest to god actually affected my mental health, but I worked and am still working on it and I regret getting into sports a little but I've loved it soo much for so long I'm like ill just cope fuck it

Blogs like yours and brakeboosted and umm ackshually on twt are super lovely and I really appreciate all you guys so much

Anyways sorry for ranting I just have a lot of feelings about this stuff

Hi, yes I completely agree. One of the reasons for the name of this blog is to hold myself accountable for bias, and also to advertise to anyone who comes upon it exactly where my bias lands. My frustration with the clear bias under the guise of objective reporting in F1 is one of the reasons for this blog to begin with. Got very tired of the way Ferrari and Charles were being reported on. But also just to have a source where is bias is clear and people can choose to take it or leave it. If that makes sense.

I can't get rid of bias, it's a sport we all have favorites. What I can do is try to be aware of it as much as possible and be open about that fact. I do go to a lot of trouble to make sure I am being fair, I always look at what the other perspective is, what the other driver and their fans are saying, how they are interpreting things(naturally through their own bias as well)

I like the facts and data because I can't really lie. Especially with the raw data. I can't make Charles look faster if he wasn't faster etc. It helps ground my own opinions as well to see if what I think I saw is actually reflected in data.

Biases are normal to have, and I think it's important and healthy to reflect on them, try to be aware of the ones we have and take it into account when presenting information and sharing perspectives and opinions. I am naturally always going to be inclined to give Charles the benefit of the doubt. I try to see if that is warranted and see what the other side is saying and if they have a point.

And this issue goes beyond F1. Journalists for other areas often have clear bias but try to present themselves as neutral. It's frustrating and isn't helpful. I'm just doing what I want journalists to do, just come out and admit your bias and we can go from there. It's healthier and more informative that way. It's not possible to have a fully objective opinion with no preferences one way or another. So to combat that I try to make my stance clear. Sometimes I think I could do better, so it's an area I am always working on.

Thank you anon, this is a good topic to bring up and a good thing for people to think about when reading reports and the like.

[halucynator]

Hellllooo,

Omg I really needed more swiftie mutuals <3

Please rant about all things you like, i love rants, gosh we seem to have so many close interests, I am not a writer tho, but I do read, effectively making me a reader which doesn't sound as cool, now that I think about it.

My fav Taylor song at the moment is "Slut!". I cannot get that out of my head. I mean "got lovesick all over my bed", I die a little everytime I hear that.

Fav Olivia song at the moment is logical (kinda like you username aah). I still CANNOT get over "can't take a joke, can't get you off". Like please kill me already.

Fav Sabrina song at the moment is probably "because i liked a boy". (damn who hurt me?)

And fav conan song at the moment, "Lookalike"

Tell me yours?

Nyc.

xx

hiiii

omg thank you thank you thank youuuu <33

okay so i love a lot of things some of them are pretty questionable but I'm questionable literally ask anyone on the discord server so its fine. anywhoo, i love taylor, maisie, gracie, phoebe, alix page, lucy (dacus not myself I'm not THAT narcissistic), olivia hardy (from wasia project) julien, conan, liv, sab (and @loserdiaz but that's a known fact) and so many other people to the point that even i cant keep track. oh and i love laufey, mitski and lyn lapid just bc.

my current fav by wasia project is petals on the moon but ur so pretty especially live from the studio is so gooddd

anywayss, reading is really cool thats how i got into writing (which is the best thing ever ik /hj) i also really really like reading bc it makes me smart and it's super fun

which is your favourite book series?? mine is lockwood and co as if you couldn't already tell by the amount of times I've mentioned it i also really love agggtm series bc why wouldn't it its so good. I'm sure i love so many more book series but my memory sucks (it does not but I'm lazy so I'll use that as an excuse)

anywhooo, i love scream which is weird bc i watched the first one when i was 10 (i know, who let me do that???) and i... liked it? (I'm very questionable i know) but i also tend to rant about it as if its real life (like WHY DID THEY KILL OF *insert name of dead character* IM SO MAD) and not a movie so I'm a bit annoying sometimes but pls don't tell me that otherwise I'll start crying /j

hmm my favourite taylor song atm would be "is it over now?" or "now that we don't talk" bc at the moment i resonate so well with those songs (ikr my life sounds like a nightmare: it is but it isn't really? idk) at yes i totally agree with the "got lovesick all over my bed statement but" also "love thorns all over this rose" and omg "you're not saying you're in love with me, BUT !! YOURE !! GONNA !! DO !!" like who gave taylor the right to be such a mastermind (funny, right? no? okay.) like the entire song, heck the entire album is so GOOD. HER ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY IS SO GOOD. (this is totally normal fan behaviour btw)

favourite liv song atm is probably lacy but i love all of the songs all the album (and yes logical is soooo good i mean i have to love it otherwise my url is meaningless) but my favourite lyric from the entire album is probably "we both drew blood but man THOSE CUTS were NEVER EQUAL!!" from the grudge (also one of my top 3) bc that hits DEEP. (bc the cuts were deep, i know I'm so funny /j)

favourite sab song atm is prolly cindy lou who / opposite (been there) / a nonsense christmas. i cheated but i simply cant choose one shes too good. also super funny bc cindy lou who and opposite are like sad vibes and then a nonsense christmas i want you to [redacted] and [redacted] me on the couch while we [redacted] presents (sorry i just think I'm so funny when I'm not but dont tell me that i wanna be a stand up comedian no I'm just kidding I'm not a failure. IM JOKING) (also regarding bc i liked a boy, I agree. who hurt you???)

anyways, my favourite conan song atm is prolly the best known option "heather" BUT i also like "the cut that always bleeds" the entire of kid krow tbh

okay i wrote a lot asdxcasdcvafd sorry

alsooo, you didnt ask this but my favourite gracie abrams song atm is "where do we go now?" and "cedar" (you arent mine) bc its such a heartbreaking song especially when you can relate to it. ooh and i also love camden, painkillers, rockland and long sleeves but they're all pretty depressing so if you don't like sad songs they're prolly not for you.

and THANK YOU for this ask this was so fun send me more sometimes <333

[surrexi]

so about five months ago, my evil ayn rand-loving boss left the company because the previous vice president in charge of our sector of the company retired and her replacement looked at my boss' extremely unhealthy work habits (he regularly worked like... 16+ hour days) and complete disregard for budgets or the actual scope of our project's contract or the policies of our company regarding billable/unbillable hours and how an employee's time should be designated across projects and immediately was like "no, this has to change." and evil ayn rand-loving boss arranged for both himself and his favorite employee to get job offers at a different company. which was a godsend to me because i literally had my family, friends, and therapist all asking me if i was in a position where i could leave my job because of how just-shy-of-actionably awful said evil boss was to me.

(i don't have anything in particular to work on today and i'm annoyed a couple of my coworkers over a meeting this morning so i'm gonna rant about it here to avoid being tempted to rant at someone who actually works at my company, lol)

one of the things evil boss did that he shouldn't have been allowed to do was create a little group of tech-savvy employees that he gave their own cheesy acronym name that were 50% designated for the actual project he was the director of and 50% designated for... well, nothing officially, because his cheesy acronym group isn't an actual billable project or corporate operations unit. i don't want to type "cheesy acronym group" every time i mention it so i'm gonna tell y'all the actual name - "Virtual Innovation in Communication & Engagement," or the VICE Squad, because in addition to being evil he also thinks he's funnier than he is. (true story: the name might be changed bc people in the company have expressed that they think it's inappropriate/that it doesn't do a good job of expressing why we could be helpful to them.)

because my company is a research company that does contract work, employees are supposed to have 100% of their time officially designated for a particular project or corporate operations task. so like, 50% project a, 30% project b, 10% project c, 10% project d. or if you work for like, HR or as an office manager or in the corporate graphics or document services unit etc., then you might work like 15% on some project that needed your direct expertise and the other 85% might get charged to corporate operations but that's because you were specifically designated to do that work. in terms of the actual hours you work it's expected you'll occasionally use the corporate "unit ops" time codes when you're doing generic tasks, working on business development, doing HR trainings, attending corporate meetings, etc. but if you were hired for a full-time job in a non-corporate-support role, then in theory every week some combination of billable projects should have a claim on all 40 hours of your work time.

so anyway, when boss hired me and a couple of my coworkers, he designated our time as 50% the actual project he was director of (we administer a grant and provide training for grantees providing afterschool programming in texas), and 50% "VICE." the problem with that is that the vice squad is not a billable project or an official corporate entity, so he shouldn't have been allowed to do that. but the prior sector vp just let him do whatever he wanted. including completely ignoring the actual budget of the project. so like. one of my coworkers was charging half her time to the project and half her time to corporate unit ops even though she was doing 100% of her work on the project. which she shouldn't have been doing. and then myself and the other coworker were actually doing some work on other billable projects, but whenever it didn't take up a full 50% of our time, we just worked on the main project and charged all our time there, which was also bad because there was nowhere near enough money in the project budget for that. the only vice squad team member whose time is actually assigned (i assume) roughly correctly is someone who saw the work someone from the team did on a project and was like "hey, i have some time i can free up for this, let me be on the vice squad and give me projects." so like, he already had a bunch of projects he was assigned and just carved out whatever percentage for whatever projects he picked up through vice.

anyway, boss just didn't want to have to go through the corporate graphics team or document prep team etc., so he just hired some people who could do graphic design/desktop publishing/video editing/etc. and then basically just used the vice squad ~branding~ to get some of our time taken off the main project balance sheet by finding other projects within our sector who needed people to host/record/edit zoom meetings, hybrid conferences, podcasts, etc.

once evil boss left, the new project director (J), the associate VP whose business line the project was moved into (K), and the new sector VP (D) had to sort out all of this by talking to US, because evil boss did not leave them any explanations or anything. and i swear every time i told anyone else about how the whole thing was set up they were like ".................... that should not have been allowed." and i would be like *shrug emoji* "it did seem strange."

when evil boss left i also got a new "personnel supervisor" (or PSUP), which is the person who does things like career mentoring/your annual employee evaluation/etc. since lots of people work on multiple projects your PSUP isn't automatically the project director of a project you work on, although evil boss had kept almost everyone who worked on the project under his thumb (which other people in the company ALSO THINK WAS WEIRD). my new psup (A) is working in coordination with J and K to sort out my time allotment and even got special permission from D for me to charge any time over 20 hrs/week that isn't already for billable non-main-project projects to the corporate unit ops timecode while they find me other projects to work on. throughout this process i've been learning a lot about how things at my company are supposed to run administratively speaking and also seeing that a lot of the stuff that initially appealed to me about the company that i was disappointed not to see reflected in evil boss are actually reflected in most of the other people in the company i've worked with. it's been so rewarding to find that after evil boss did his best to make me miserable and also screw me over in terms of job security with him gone, the women who took over from him were like "no, you're clearly an asset to this company and you've been through hell, we're going to fight for you."

perhaps because i clearly had an opinion of evil boss that could sink no lower no matter what anyone told me about the administrative mess he left, J and K have been a tad bit more open with me than they might have been otherwise about said mess. and as a result of that, i have ended up with a more concrete understanding of the myriad ways evil boss was flouting rules/norms/budgets than anyone else who isn't involved in the actual leadership/project management side of the project.

which brings me to this morning's ~vice squad~ meeting. the vice squad as it stands now includes me, coworker L who doesn't do graphic design/video editing/etc but got lumped in with vice because she was also officially only 50% on main project (she manages the san antonio office and does a lot of admin/logistics stuff for the project, plus she handles posting to the facebook/insta accounts we have for a conference we put on as part of the project), coworker Z who is also 50% main project/50% vice but managed to hold on to enough "vice" projects that he probably actually has his 50% non-main-project time filled with billable hours anyway, and coworker R who is the one who already had his own projects when he "joined" the vice squad. R has worked for our company for like 15 years, and joined the vice squad on his limited basis a few years ago. Z worked for one of the afterschool programs that receives the grant our project administers and i gather evil boss recruited him to join our company a year and a half ago or so. L has been with the company only a few months longer than me, and I joined at the end of January of this year.

before evil boss left, he made a bunch of pronouncements about who would "lead" which project tasks after he left, even though he didn't really have the authority to do that. (i genuinely believe he was trying to sow as much chaos as possible to make the transition as difficult as he could for D, K, and J.) one of these pronouncements was that Z was going to "lead" the vice squad. one problem with that is that there is no actual vice squad task as far as the company is concerned. but another is that D and K looked at how the vice squad was arranged wrt time allotment etc and were both like "well this has to change" plus there's the name issue and like... i don't know what they told Z about his authority level but no one has told me that he has any particular authority over me or the vice squad. he just... arranged bi-weekly meetings and "leads" them. (these meetings could absolutely be an email btw.) anyway regardless of what Z has been told about his authority level, he definitely seems to have taken evil boss' pronouncement that Z is "in charge" of the vice squad to heart.

initially the person in the org chart who was responsible for coordinating the administrative aspects of the vice squad was J. a month or so ago K officially took managing/supervising the vice squad off J's plate, because she had way too much on it just trying to get main project to run smoothly according to the scope of the contract and within the budget. K scheduled a meeting with me to talk about the scope of the vice squad and what the vice team members hopes were for it going forward as well as what D is thinking we might be able to do with it. i assume she at least met with Z as well at that time, and she meets with L regularly because she's L's psup. i don't know if she's talked with R. five months ago when we were in the most chaotic part of the post-evil boss transition, i worked up a document based on (a) extant docs evil boss/his fave employee had created before the rest of us joined the team and (b) my own experience in seeing what things the vice squad did for the projects we worked on. i've shown that at least to J and K and i thought i had shared it with the rest of the team but i might not have.

anyway today during our bi-weekly this-could-have-been-an-email vice squad check-in meeting, the conversation shifted to the future of the vice squad, with Z and R talking about all this stuff they wanted to do to contact other projects to drum up more work for vice, create documents explaining what we do, etc. and i was like "whoa whoa whoa have you talked to K about this?" and "we should coordinate with K before we spend a lot of time on this" and they were just steamrolling me, and at least some of what they were saying was at odds with things K had told me about how she and D are thinking about rebranding/repackaging the vice squad going forward in order to allow it to continue to exist in a way that is within company policies and more widely useful to our sector of the company.

so i said to myself "i want it documented that i said this" and i put in the chat for the meeting "i strongly suggest coordinating with [K] if you do this." and then because R had said something like "if you don't have time i can do it" when i'd been trying to slow their roll, i added "it's not that i don't have time it's that it's not billable hours."

and R and Z were like "we've done it like this before" and i was like "yeah but that was when [evil boss] was here and [prior VP] let him do whatever he wanted even if it was against company policy" and they were just like "[prior VP] was the best" and ignored anything i said about billable hours, showed that in five months they still haven't learned K's name (i cannot fathom this tbh), and generally weren't listening to me. then i shared in the vice squad teams chat the document i prepared for K and J back in july and Z was like "okay thanks i see that" and was still going "yeah we should make [thing like the doc i just shared with a few additional categories of info]." then R sends a different doc to the chat which was something evil boss made several years ago that FRANKLY doesn't do what my document does nearly as efficiently or effectively given what info project directors we're trying to sell our services to need AND doesn't have the additional info Z was saying my document needed and Z goes "R this is perfect, this is great, we just need to change the logo!" (to the new logo that I MADE BY THE WAY, assuming our name doesn't change).

and i was like SO DONE WITH THESE FUCKING MEN, ugh. they never listen to me, i stg. i am trying to thread the impossible needle and be assertive towards them without them doing the man thing and deciding i'm being rude.

anyway like an hour after the meeting ended, J sends me a message on teams. she is still in the vice squad teams chat and invited to the vice squad bi-weekly meeting even though she doesn't attend and technically isn't even responsible for the vice squad anymore, so she could see the chats. after she asked how i am doing handling my dog dying suddenly and said some nice things about how she's been thinking about me and how grief sucks etc, she's like "in the vice meeting today, what was the topic where you mentioned coordinating with [K]?"

so i told her it was about the future of the vice squad and that i mentioned coordinating with K because she'd taken it over and then i was like "if that's changed i'm sorry for causing any confusion". and J was like "not at all. i really appreciate you drawing the line on unbillable hours."

so. i'm fucking right and these dumb men need to listen to me.

then i was like "i'm trying! it is... sometimes hard to get people to listen to me about it though" and she sends back "change is hard. and previous personnel sometimes operated differently than [company] policy suggests"

so yeah she is still verrrrrry salty about the mess evil boss left her to clean up but hey at least my willingness to jettison things evil boss did and advocate for us to actually follow company policies is endearing me to new boss. and also good job recent-past-me for deciding to at least have my advice to coordinate with K in writing in the meeting chat if nothing else.

[star-girl69]

DUDEEEEEE. She calls me baby youuuuu ate that harrrrrrrd. Like I had to go back in for seconds and thirds and fourths fr fr. Cause are we even surprised or are we just grateful that you give us mortals a second of your time and talent????

Babe you are so incredibly talented. The way you write is sooooooo amazing its like you just know how to manipulate your words into something that will and has had me in tears in like 2 seconds. Don't even get me started on how you write your characters. Like I don't know how I can fully and most genuinely express the astonishment you leave me in all the time.

I believe that you are one of a kind and a treasure to be cherished. I know that doubting is inevitable but I hope that you know that I'm always gonna be in the obsessed with addie corner no matter what. Like I meant it when I said that there won't be a time when you have no fans. Ever. You will forever be my favourite gorgeous goddess❤️❤️❤️.

-❤️

(I'm sorry I've been so absent school has been actually eating me alive)

(I think about you everyday though and it makes life just that much better)

(I hope you don't think I'm exaggerating😭😭😭😭All of this that I've been feeling without releasing had to be sent in a long ask my bad)

(I missed your little bonuses though, I hope you're doing okay)

(I'm always here for anything you may need, even if its literally just to tell you how amazing you are)

(love you ❤️)

#jealousclarissesupremacy

I WAS WONDERING WHERE YOU WERE I WAS SO WORRIED I SMILED SO HARD WHEN I GOT THIS ASK 🤭🤭

I CANT THAT WHOLE SECOND PARAGRAPH LIKE I CANT LIKE WOWWWW YOU THINK THAT???? ABOUT MEEE??!!!!??!?!?!?!!

TREASURE IS INSANE BTW 🤭 anyways omg. i’m so grateful wtf like i’m sorry i cant come up w something more poetic like you i just love these asks so much i get so happy and idk how to express that other than ilysm and i’m just so happy and so so grateful

also gorgeous goddess… i giggled 🤭🤭🤭

(ITS OKAYYYYY IM GLAD YOUR BACK SCHOOL HAS BEEN COOKING ME TOO 💔💔)

(EVERYDAY??!?!?!?! i think about you everyday too tho….. thinking about that one day you were so active and i got like 5 asks from you… BEST DAY OF MY LIFEEE) (also pls don’t take this as me pressuring you TRUST i am grateful for whatever you give me 🙏🙏)

(STOP. I. LOVE. LONG. ASKS. DONT ANNOY ME BY DOUBTING MY LOVE FOR YOU!!!!!!!)

(idk i’m okay i’ve just been really feeling pressured to write stuff bc the fandom is dying down (guys pls come back) and i am now firmly addicted to the praise and number of notifs i get…. lol. the bonuses have always been weird bc sometimes they come so easily to me like the first one i did was so it goes and i didn’t even have to think about it and then someone said they liked it so i went back and did it to my other fics and started doing it and idk yeah basically what i’m saying is sometimes they’re so easy and other times i have to force myself to come up w something which sucks but people like them so i’m happy to do it!!!!)

(tbh i’ll probably go back and add a bonus to she calls me baby bc i have just a little teeny bit of ocd and it will bother me but also i’m trying to let the little things go but idk we’ll see how strong i am 😭😭)

(sorry i will stop ranting now) (shoutout to anyone who actually reads that incoherent ramble)

(i need to be told how amazing i am 24/7 so that will be hard 😔) (BUT I APPRECIATE YOU SAYING THAT)

(LOVE YOU TOOOOO 💋💋💋)

#iagreesobad

[lollytea]

Hi miss lollytea! I'm the glasses anon, (the one who was feeling insecure bc she was getting glasses and came to u for advice)

So I got my glasses yesterday, and when I looked into the mirror, I thought, "Huh... I look like a cutie"

I think it was mainly bc the entire day I was hyping myself up by rationalizing: "Well even if I look like shit I can't do anything about it. I need these for my sight, and if I don't use them, my eyes will get worse. My friends are all super supportive of me, so they wouldn't be mean, and if somebody I dont care for is acting shitty or rude, I can just bite / slap them. Or yell at them.

Anyway, when I looked into the mirror I remembered your advice and maybe it was just me being a little self-absorbed, I thought, "Wait I look cute???" Like, the glasses frame my face well (I was mainly worried about that bc my face is small), but they look great!" And, weirdly (it might have been a trick of the light) but they seemed to bring my dimples out.

So I was pretty happy (especially when I sent a pic to my friends on the group chat and they all called me adorable)

And, the guy I like was super nice and gave me tips, like how the cloth in the case doesn't really help him, and how to avoid to getting them fogged, and when I complained to him it felt kinda weird bc there's now weight on the bridge of my nose, he was like, "ha, yeah, that'll take a few days to get used to."

So, I wanted to tell you: THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! Your advice really helped and lifted my heart, especially bc you listened to my silly little rant. Thank you!! It really quelled my anxiety. (Also, if I may— you also look super cute in your glasses!)

(PS— if this ask seems weird, or annoys u in any way (ik it probably will seem weird, sorry), feel free to delete it haha. Just wanted to say again, tysm!!! You're an awesome person who deserves all the love ever <3. Hope u have a great day / night!)

Aaaaa!!! That's an amazing update I'm so happy for you!!!! <333

Heres cuties

[hannigramislife]

hey there! not actually an ask, just wanted to say that i just found your blog and your posts all make so much sense.

i love dazai's character myself, i can't lie, but i think it's essential to acknowledge everything he's done and STILL does. yes he's a huge bitch. recently I've seen people defend him AND his abuse to Akutagawa with the most braindead and most confident arguments I've ever seen in my life. that made me, yk, mad 😁. like yes i love him, but i also hate him, I'm not blind? and everyone should stop treating him like their Poor Cutie Damaged Pookie! (sorry if this sounded like i was mad at you I'm bad at expressing myself but i hope you understand)

Bc anyways, i also feel like that's a disservice to his character writing yk? Taking a complex, genius, (asshole), manipulative Machiavellian character and turning him into an emo sadboy?? who did nothing wrong? I used to do that at first but that's in the past. It's fine to like a character, but imho at least people should like them for what they actually are. If someone has a made-up version of the char. in their mind, that's completely ok, but they shouldn't force it on others and use it to "prove" that the character is "good" or sumn.

Also the ABUSE CYCLE thing! That was so insightful! As in, the way Dazai's ended up being the worst out of them all.

Also also also! (Sorry for the rant) I mostly agree with your takes on ships (multishipping should be more common yep), especially fukumori (i feel like it's rare to find an opinion like yours, but "Fukuzawa, what about your HUSBAND?" was EXACTLY what i thought when Fukuchi came in, sorry not sorry. I used to feel bad about shipping them but now that you've got me thinking about Dazai, well. If i ship skk, as i do, i can also ship zskk.) And oh. My. God. Your take on Fyolai is SO REAL. That's my absolute favourite ship in all of bsd. You're right, there's some things you don't write (or *ahem* draw) if you don't want people to ship two characters and the Fyolai dynamic is just INSANE. But then again, with a username like yours, i should have known it ;)

there are probably a lot more things that'll come to my mind later but anyways thank you so much for your posts and sorry for this weird af rant! (i hope it didn't sound passive aggressive, just know it was not intended that way)

(and yeah. sadly, dazai is handsome. goddamn face card. that post where you complained about it sent me)

Hello friend!! Sorry it took me so long to answer, and thank you so much for your ask!

I love Dazai fans who can acknowledge his bad sides, just as I acknowledge his good qualities as a certified Dazai hater! Rather refreshing.

I HATE WHEN THEY TURN HIM INTO THIS SAD EMO BOY LIKE HE'S SO MUCH MORE THAN THAT. Can't even victimize the right things about him, smh.

I'm so glad you see my view on the abuse thing!! Like, I don't get how people can view it differently, it really pisses me off?? "You can't compare what they went through," fucking watch me.

OMG FUKUCHI CAME IN OUTTA NOWHEREEE. If Ranpo doesn't approve, I don't approve either. I'm sorry, but I didn't spend 4 seasons waiting for the leaders of these two organizations to renew their vows for you to win me over with the "childhood friends trope." Nope.

Calling out my hannigram past for the fyolai take alsmakdkd guilty as charged 🙈

No worries at all about the ask, I rather enjoyed it!

And yes, Dazai being handsome is literally so annoying and makes my life difficult XD