#anyways i need to have those asks answered bc i did not last night

[violetsareblue-selfships]

good morning!! :3

[halcyone-of-the-sea]

Hi, I just found your blog, and I love your Simon's fics! I was wondering if i could please request something where Reader and Simon had broken up bc he thought he put her in danger. After a few months, he comes to her after a mission and they spend the night but he leaves before she wakes up thinking hes doing whats best (and all that angsty jazz 🥲🤭) . A few weeks after she finds out shes pregnant and decides to take on her own, as reader thinks simon wouldnt care. But maybe one of the guys see her heavy preggo and tell simon, and hes fuming and super protective mode is on.

Sorry if it is too specific and for the terrible english. I just have this idea, and i dont think i can picture it right. Anyway, thanks for reading this and for your good work on your fics 💗 hope you have a lovely day

—Digging Gaze

⇢ ˗ˏˋ 5k Drabble Masterlist ࿐ྂ

╰┈➤ ❝ [You indulge in a one-night-stand after you'd both called it quits, only, it leads to more problems. When he sees you again, how will he react to the swelling of your stomach?] ❞

You knew it was the effects of a less-than-gentle breakup, but you should have at least cursed him out before you let him have his way with you on the living room couch. You’d woken up back in bed, alone, and had gotten dropped back to where you had been weeks earlier—stuck in the throws of confusion and hurt. 

Simon had left you, and he never gave you a reason. 

A part of you was heated; pissed off and feeling betrayed by the insult, yet, the rest of you knew that Simon needed to have his reasons—he always did. Even if you didn’t agree with them, and you knew he tended to look at life with a glass-half-empty type of glance. 

So that left you here. 

You were pregnant. 

You’d found out two weeks after you’d slept together for that last time, your cheeks still hot from the memory and your fingers clutching the plastic of a test. 

Pregnant.

It had been a shock, a deep panic. The both of you had been reckless. Stupid. And while you had stared at those two pink lines, you felt a sinking in your gut akin to a drowning ship. Should you tell him? It would be proper, of course. 

But you don’t think you can face him again after you’d awaken to an empty bed—as if your entire relationship had only been about sex and not the deep nights of confessions and soft brushes of skin. You knew Simon Riley better than he probably knew himself.

And you wouldn’t put this on him.

At seven months, you couldn’t walk as much as you could before—and you would huff for breath as you went up the stairs to change the sheets—but who else could do it but you? Shopping also fell to you, and so, you pushed a large cart around and packed the metal basket with cravings and necessities. That was when you fell to a familiar face. 

“Johnny?” You ask, blinking. 

The Scot pauses, turning. His brows furrowed for a moment before a kind smile peeled his lips back.

“Hen!” He comes closer, laughing. “Well, I haven’t seen you in a good minute, then. What have you been up to in all—” 

The man freezes at the sight of your stomach, jaw going slack as you fight an internal war with yourself to say pleasantries and leave. 

“Hell,” Johnny clears his throat. “I guess you’ve been doin’ a great deal.” 

You sigh, shaking your head softly. “Thanks, Johnny.”

“I’m just joking, Little Lady.” The man laughs and waves a hand. “Who’s the lucky man then? I’ll have to meet him one of these days.”

Your face blanks and your lips snap shut in an instant. 

Blue eyes wait for an answer as the silence laps over itself. Slowly but surely, the realization dawns on his face in a tight pull of horror.

“You can’t tell him,” you interrupt his tight gasp. “Not a peep, MacTavish, you hear?”

“What the fuck,” he breathes at you, hand coming up to his mouth as he glances down at your swelling bump. “Holy hell.”

“Johnny,” you snap, his eyes jerk back to you. 

“It’s bloody Ghost’s—”

“You can’t,” you growl, coming closer, “tell him.”

“What do you mean I can’t tell him,” Johnny hisses under his breath, looking at the people passing by and lowering his tone. “You’re pregnant and he doesn’t know!”

“That’s the point,” you ease out, exasperated and feeling drained already. Jesus, you needed to go lay down—your back was killing you. “Johnny,” you breathe, growing softer as you reach out a hand and put it to his arm. He grips it and holds on, looking incredibly concerned. “He doesn’t need to know, okay? That’s a lot of stress on him, and you know what he does for work. Even worrying about me was hard on him, what do you think a child would do?”

“You can’t think like that,” the Scot mutters. “He can help—what, you mean to tell me you plan to do this by yourself?” It isn’t malicious how he says it; Johnny’s worried about you. Incredibly. “Hen, no,” he shakes his head. “No, you can’t.”

“I can, Johnny,” you frown, dread filling your heart. “And I will.”

In the future, you really had to take into account Johnny’s flapping lips when under the spell of alcohol. Maybe you had enough faith in him to watch himself for the last little while of your pregnancy as he had into the latter half of the eighth month.

And then three firm knocks were at your door, and when you opened it, you were face to face with a painted balaclava and frazzled brown eyes.

Those eyes immediately snap down, and not even a word is uttered to your face until then.

The both of you are stone-still. Frozen. Dead to all else. 

You swear it was hours of this—standing in the doorway with Simon’s fingers stiff in his pockets and his chest not even moving in a pulse or flare of his lungs. He doesn’t even blink. 

“How far along?” His voice is monotone. A low drone in the ringing of your ears.

Damn that Scot.

“Eight and a half,” you say quietly. 

Brown eyes shift up to yours. Simon stares, and you see his jaw clench under his balaclava, his shoulders moving. Again a long pause. 

“When’s the next appointment—”

“It’s a girl.” You see his eyelids peel back and halt there, watching you. “In case you care to stick around and see her.”

Cruel perhaps, but it was nothing short of how he acted while leaving you. 

Simon’s hidden face is slack, stuttering silently for a moment as the light fades outside.

“Didn’t…didn’t know,” he grunts out, blinking quickly.

“I know you didn’t,” you utter. “That was the point, Simon.”

“Johnny told me ‘bout it, didn’t believe him.” His brown eyes swirl, breaking. “Thought you’d mention it if you were.” 

“You left,” you breathe. “Why would I reach out to someone that did that to me.”

“M’sorry, I-I don’t…” Simon clears his throat, looking away. His eyes are glossy, fingers moving out of his pockets so his twitching hands can splay out. “Could have explained, but I didn’t know how, Love. I’m not…this isn’t…”

Words fail him just like his ability to explain his emotions. Part of him was angry—angry that you’d gone all this time without reaching out when he could have helped.

A daughter. 

But he was afraid, as well. Terrified. You were in the right and he knew it. Simon didn’t know the first thing about being a father…but then again, you didn’t know how to be a mother, either. 

This was new territory.

“Marry me,” Simon pushes out with a quick force of breath. 

“Wh—,” you choke on air. “What?”

“Let me make it up to you, yeah?” Gloved hands move at his sides, eyes honest but still shiny. “Wasn’t thinking—my fault and I can’t go on if I don’t know you’re safe.” He licks at the corner of his mouth. “...Both of you. Thought leaving would make the best sense, but I was…fucking hell. M’sorry.”

“Simon, there are many more ways other than marriage.” Your anger wasn’t something that could be washed away that easily, even if your heart fluttered at the idea and his apology.

You had more self-respect than that.

“Let me fix this,” he whispers, leaning closer. 

Your hand rests over your stomach, staying there as the minutes draw. Simon waits, nervous and his fingers tap on his thigh. You know he’s afraid. You know he’s nervous about what he could bring home from work, even if those are only his paranoia talking in his ear like a demon. 

You frown. 

You huff.

And you open the door wider.

“The sheets need changing in my room. Get on it.”

The man says nothing before he enters the house and slips off his boots; disappearing into the linen closet.

[meepwrites]

The marauders being idiots part 2.

Or, the marauders and that time they opened the chamber of secrets.

Because I am afraid that I am convinced there is like a good 70% chance that they did manage to get it open and I have funny thoughts about the what ifs :

They absolutely learnt abt the serpentine tap from Regulus - when they officially set off to build the marauders map Sirius was BIG on uncovering every and any secret, they chased after several false rumours in the hope that they missed nothing.

they were going to be THE coolest.

So of course Regulus eventually got asked if he’s heard or seen anything that could hold mysteries,

after a minute of sheer deadpan silence he eventually answered with the third floor girls bathroom that he remembers back from when he’d still used it, he told them all about the embezzled tap and the slytherin rumours surrounding it, followed with an ominous

“Nobody dares open it, but girls giggle over it nonetheless.”

If there is any reason they got it open it was for 2 reasons :

1) Sirius’s sheer fucking stubbornness

2) Him remembering that Regulus had told him once that if (This idea is stolen from a pinterest post bcs I loved it) Slytherins ever forgot the password to their common room, they could, if they dared, attempt to hiss parseltongue at the door, it always answered to parseltongue.

Regulus with his rather good sense of languages had been one of the few who mastered the intenation of the hissing and though it sounded terrifying and dumb he had attempted to teach it to Sirius ‘Incase of an emergency.’

Sirius eventually after 5 nights had an epiphany staring at the tap and started attempting hissings and snarls because “Look, if that isn’t Slytherin Salazars mark I don’t know what is ! it looks like a terrible quivering little snake and the rumours say-“ “But those are rumours pads-“ “and if they are true then-“ “Ay ay don’t worry Pete, and James come on it’s worth a try !”

Eventually the chamber opened and they were all stunned,

James basically immediately jumped up and towards it. Excited finally for his days of boredom were at last gone and called after pads to join him who was basically jumping up and down in excitement.

Remus nonchalant and a little horrified albeit curious, fiddled his prefect badge between his thumb and his index finger and told them matter of fact that he will stay to keep watch, he didn’t reply to Sirius’s ‘We’re the only ones out of bed !’

Peter, terrified little Peter chose to stay with Remus despite Sirius pushing for him to come and not be a worry stick like ‘that one over there.’, he simply backed behind Remus who was still reading a book albeit glancing towards the opening every now and then and said “No no no, you and James can go but I am not keen on jumping into holes we know nothing about or how deep it even goes !” Pads scoffed at him, made a she said joke and muttered ‘You’d think his rat instincts would be keen to go through tunnels’ remus wittily answered, and made peter laugh, with ‘Well maybe that’s why you’re so keen to go down them, pads dogs dig tunnels and all.”

Anyway it didn’t take long for mayhem to break down below their feet and for echoes of James’s and Sirius’s voice to come up at Peter and Remus who immediately jumped on the alert.

Sirius and James went clambering up and out of the hole as quick as they could shouting things like

“STUN IT STUN IT.”

and

“CLOSE IT CLOSE IT.”

“DON’T ASK HIM TO CLOSE IT BEFORE YOU’RE OUT.”

“YOUR EYES ARE WHAT YOU SHOULD BE CLOSING YOU MORON.”

“WE STILL NEED TO CLOSE THE HOLE.”

“GO-“

Remus stood there in panic wondering if he was going to have to attempt to say ‘close’ in parseltongue or if the entrance would seal itself or if it was worth booking it to the slytherin dungeons in hopes that Regulus knew how to say close in parseltongue and that he could even make it there and back in time.

Eventually Sirius and James made it out and Remus waved his wand, the sink returned to its original placement in a jiffy and Remus and Peter looked confused upon panting, pale and sweating friends who exclaimed different iterations of

“HOLY BASILISK-“

“PETER’S INSTINCTD WERE RIGHT.”

“We almost died-“

Sirius eventually stopped heaving with his hands against his knees and piped up wiping his fringe from his sweaty forehead

“Do we solemnly swear (yes this is their slogan) not to fucking tell anyone.”

he looked at James for agreement who immediately raised his hand, ‘Ay Ay.’

So anyway.

the only reason nobody knew that the chamber was opened and promptly closed one night in the 1970’s was because the two who went down it absolutely agreed that if they told any teacher that they nearly died because they were snooping around the consequences would be worse than the fact that they nearly died.

Solemnly swore not to fucking breath a word to anyone but Regulus.

Regulus gets the story and he’s glaring at Sirius like “That is NOT why I was teaching you Parseltongue ! That is quite frankly the exact opposite.”

This also means that in the future when Harry recounts his adventures with the chamber and the Basilisk, Sirius exclaims :

“YOU FACED THAT BLOODY THING !?”

and Harry, a little impassive goes

“It was just a Basilisk-“

and Sirius horror struck is like

“Just a- REMUS ARE YOU HEARING THIS ! HAH, just a Basilisk NOT EVEN YOU DARED TO FACE A BASILISK.”

and Remus amused is like

“I would have been mad if I had !”

and Sirius is like

“WELL HE WAS MAD, he killed the bloody thing !”

[mybrainproblems]

hello, i'm finales georg...

i don't want to further clutter up the notes on this post while responding to the tags below but the persistence of the "finale is short/scenes are missing/extra ad break” conspiracies drives me absolutely bananas when i've watched the finale ten times and have posted about this A LOT trying to clear things up. (disclaimer that yes, i'm a goddamn destiel shipper but i care about Facts above all.)

ok but this is weird because i'd swear the episode was shorter (11 missing scenes!) but okay. maybe we all mandela effected ourselves into #beleving that. because it felt shorter. but i will die on the hill that it had another ad break. i understand this person has the thing #recorded with ads so i am thinking maybe different ad breaks in different idk time zones??? #because the finale did air an hour earlier in canada so maybe idk i am reaching here but maybe different states or whatever had different #ad breaks??? as for the last minute changes - wasn't the cover band asked for permission to use their version of carry on like a week before #the thing aired??? so even if the episode was 42 minutes and had no additional ad break - which i am side eying but lets say all was normal #i will always say they were changing thing until the absolute last minute (carry on my wayward son X 2 #the crew on the bridge which is not only giant 4th wall breaking but also wow they really got all those people in one place in times of #covid???) #anyway. tinfoil hat stays on sorry guys :/ (via @officialmisha)

short and snarky: there are plenty of real and sourced examples of network homophobia and scripted/directed destiel scenes being cut to point to. we don’t need to make this stuff up just bc the finale wasn’t what we wanted. so it’s not the mandela effect — it’s ppl repeating a conspiracy/rumor bc it supports their narrative and it’s easier and more fun to repeat something that supports a narrative they already believe (misha or something destiel was cut) vs the boring act of fact checking.

longer circumspect answer with links bc like many ppl i am in my debunking era and i rewatched "roblox_oof" last night.

like i said. i've watched the finale ten times. i’ve gone over the episode with a fine toothed comb and posted a detailed breakdown of timing marks on my blog. it’s actually extremely obvious where the ad breaks are once you know roughly where to look for them (they have a longer fade to black instead of a quick cut scene change). there’s no room for extra ad breaks and i think this conspiracy/rumor persists in part bc the episode feels so sparse in terms of cast and the fact that the episode’s momentum hits a barn post (and rebar) less than 20min into an hour-long programming block.

also i’m begging ppl to actually look at that timing mark post. it’s very straightforward and i spent a lot of time on it. i don’t care if ppl plagiarize it at this point if it means this conspiracy stops. i've got almost every second accounted for.

the "eleven missing scenes" that you're thinking of are probably from the finale script of questionable authenticity that @spnscripthunt acquired back in 2021 which can be found here. it's dated as the “final draft” from 11 sep 2020 and filming on 15x20 wrapped on 10 sep 2020. as noted at the bottom of this superwiki page "[the] script came from someone claiming to have been the person who did the closed captions for the show in Russia. There are some indications that it possibly may not be authentic, but this has not been confirmed."

if we go with the possibility that this was a transcript meant for subtitles, the "omitted" scenes were probably written but never filmed since it's the "final draft" and not a color revision (blue, green, yellow, etc). unfortunately, i’ve lost track of where i read it and a preliminary duckduckgo search isn’t bringing it up bc there's a program for script writing called final draft, but iirc the “final draft” version of a script is a transcript of what was filmed (e.g. there are parts of that 15x20 script that ended up being deleted scenes on the DVD). spnscripthunt also has an example of a confirmed final draft for 09x02 (funnily enough, also a dabb-penned ep). if anyone can confirm with a source that i have the purpose of the “final draft” version designation wrong, please let me know! i love being proven wrong with Facts.

i do want to acknowledge that the two “final drafts” do look different from each other and the 15x20 one doesn't look like a “real” final draft script since it lacks the revision/versioning dates that a script would normally have on the cover page. it could be that it was intended for subtitles; there's the chance it's been re-typed to anonymize it if there was anything indicating who the "owner" was, tho that seems a wee bit cloak and dagger to me. and again: it's considered of questionable authenticity. there are some things that don't quite line up but oh dear god i don't want to get even further out into the weeds than i already am.

i won't disagree that it's weird as hell that neoni only got asked about using their cover seven days prior to the episode airing (tiktok here). my personal theory is that they were hoping to get a more expensive song (maybe a zepp song, idk) and didn't manage to secure the rights in the end. again: this is pure conjecture on my part! but i could absolutely see someone working on the show hearing neoni’s cover and liking it and then maybe they were using it as a placeholder until it got down to the wire and they had to make a call/send the ep to networks. because yes, it is baffling they played a song and then a cover of it with only a 40 second break between. (i do actually really like the neoni cover! the placement is just weird and i think it could have worked if they had the kansas version at the beginning and closed with neoni's full cover.)

as to the 4th wall break COVID stuff: robert singer talked with variety magazine about filming the last two episodes and the logistics of filming during a pandemic. whether they should have been filming during a pandemic is a separate discussion but their use of office vs set pods, strict quarantining and daily testing meant that they had zero positive tests in the month they were filming (18 aug to 10 sep). so given all that, i personally don’t think it’s totally out of pocket to have everyone standing outdoors on a bridge for maybe an hour to get a drone shot of them together. (i won’t get into incubation periods and viral load, but if everyone tested negative that day and every day for a month prior, it was a fairly low risk scene to film outdoors and for all we know everyone was masked until the last possible second. there were plenty of outdoor masked protests in 2020 that weren't superspreader events.)

and before anyone brings up “but misha was in vancouver!” i know someone who looked into it and they said no dice, nothing matched up between the backgrounds in those pics and places in vancouver. his statements about “us” going back to set over the summer were pretty generic in hindsight and “we”/"us" could be him or the spn crew generally. unfortunately i’m not able to find those tweets but the use of “we” was likely so as not to give away he wouldn’t be returning to set. (bc we were absolutely casbaited!) and bc it comes up a lot: the "onion field pic" was from when they were filming 15x17 and was not taken while filming 15x19 and 15x20.

besides, it would be ridiculous to go through the financial and logistical headaches of bringing someone into the country to film during a pandemic, only to cut their scenes in the end! honestly, the script is pretty tight when the scenes are given so much breathing room! the only thing i could see being further cut down is The Monologue and even then, i don’t think there was any intent to cut it down given it was filmed in fairly long takes.

i’ve said it many times before, but i believe the finale was fucked long before they returned to set. walker got the green light in sep 2019 and it was being marketed heavily as a “follow on” show to spn given jared’s involvement. the demo they were courting for walker has little to no overlap with the demo for destiel fans — why would they want a finale that catered to a demo they weren't interested in courting? we just went through a historic double strike that exposed so much of the rot of business interests overriding creative vision. this isn't completely unfounded conjecture.

i will not apologize for the length of this bc i wanted to be thorough, but i do want to give context that i think the reason these conspiracies and rumors grind my gears so much is because anyone can fact check all of this. the truth is out there and absolutely none of it is that hard to find. the most time consuming/difficult part of this was finding someone who had a DVR’d copy of the finale from when it aired live and they actually found me themselves after i’d been low key asking around for a year!

and like. i get it. conspiracies are fun. but there are so many sourced instances of network homophobia and destiel being cut that it's like. why is this something folks are hanging onto? the cw is notorious for having upper level meddling with finales bc there's a follow-on show they want to shuffle fans along to and spn is no exception.

[mamawasatesttube]

So i was just rotating your "Jack drake lives au" in my mind and at the same time remembered those panels of superman shaking hands with Some Fucking Guy (i think he was being a bitch to Lois or smth) and he makes direct unflinching eye contact with the tight lipped smile and his grip is a little too tight to be friendly

Anyways im not saying he hates Jack but i do think Kon off-handedly mentioned the "joke" about his nail polish and Clark went "oh really now?" And didnt forget

So rip Jack at that family dinner night bc not only is Lois waiting for an excuse to obliterate him but Clark is right there with her and if jack thinks that Good Ol Country folk Ma and Pa will back him up then hes in for a surprise lol

oh yeah absolutely!!!! the thing is. literally Nobody likes jack in this au ksjdhfkd like kon and dick absolutely have texted each other to bitch about him, ma openly shakes her head when she hears about how he treats tim (and she WILL speak her mind if he ever tries to shut that sweet boy down in front of her!), cass literally won't speak to him bc he failed the vibe check so bad, etc...

and like. no one is telling tim this. they Know it'll make him feel like he has to defend his dad bc he loves him! but sometimes tim mentions oh he can't join for games this friday night, he and his dad are going on an early morning fishing trip. and cass just meets kon's eyes across the room behind tim's back and rolls her eyes so hard.

but yeah. clark will mostly let lois handle the obliteration with ma's backup as needed bc he knows she's got this. his form of expressing his severe disapproval of jack, his views, and his parenting? supporting tim. thanking him for doing the dishes after dinner, praising his work ethic, ruffling his hair and telling him he did a great job with that case he wrapped up last week, etc. it makes tim go "!!! :D!!!" like that pic of the cat getting patted. tim has always craved approval and affirmation and affection from people around him and he gets it in spades from the kents. and jack sees his son light up and open up around these people way more than he does with him. it's not a good feeling.

it's just tough bc like, tim doesn't want anyone getting mad at jack. but the idea of anyone getting mad at jack on his behalf is also just such a shock to him. he's not used to that. he feels like he has to manage jack and be responsible for him in a lot of ways (if jack says something shitty in front of lois, tim cringes because now jack is gonna get his ass handed to him and feel humiliated, and that's his dad and he was trying to help, and also he feels like it's on him that his dad is being like that. why? oh you know.) (its the unnamed emotional abuse, thats why.)

but also clark and kon watch lois ask tim how his degree is going now that he's in engineering school, and lightly rib him and ask if she can't poach him into investigative journalism instead, because she doesn't usually take interns but she'd make an exception! and tim cocks his head like a dog and says well, maaaybe he'd be down to consider an internship if she's serious? it does sound cool. what are the details? and jack, who barely gets more than one-word answers when he talks to tim about his future, is just kinda seething. heart rate goin up bc hes mad. and kon and clark just exchange extremely amused glances across the kitchen and sip their hot chocolates.

like the tim and jack dynamic is complicated; it'd be a lot easier if the love wasn't so real but it is present. its just that jack is soooo emotionally immature and grounded in Classic American Manhood and ideas of fatherhood. and the fact that tim is growing beyond that and not fitting in the mold he's "supposed" to eats at him. its a tragedy but also we are all pointing and laughing at jack every time superfam make him grind his teeth.

[strawb3rryshake]

dps memes as headcanons pt. 3:

when you ask to copy their homework

(as usual, i find these posts off pinterest!)

meeks:

- he probably never lets people copy his work (unless it’s an absolute emergency)

- not because he’s petty, but because he knows you’re not gonna learn unless you understand the material

- dw i feel like he’s such a nice teacher, and he’s used to tutoring the other poets, so he can offer several different strategies depending on how you learn best

neil:

- he understands getting caught up in life, so if you have an off day and can’t add homework to the stress, he’s got you

- his handwriting/work is really neat too so it’s easy to copy and translate into your own words (bc those teachers would KNOW if there was cheating)

- he’d probably even double check your paper to make sure it sounds original

knox:

- he’d give anyone the work if they asked tbh, he’s helpful but he probably wouldn’t be the best at trying to explain what he wrote

- idk why but i feel like his handwriting is a little bit messy? still legible but you have to read a little more carefully than neil’s

charlie:

- charlie definitely crams homework last minute, so he’s dead serious and probably forgot about it until now

- even if he did do the homework, he’d tease you about not having it done and then move on without remembering that you still need help

- “meeksie go help them with their homework”

pitts:

- whether he got help on his homework or not, he’s not gonna give it to you

- he doesn’t trust that the answers are right anyway, and he’s not gonna drag you down with him if they’re wrong

- (but he’d think it was kinda funny if you started complaining about how mean he was for leaving you hanging)

todd:

- he definitely forgot about it and you better hope it’s not too late at night because now you both have to finish the work

- the two of you go crying to meeks for help and end up having an impromptu study session

- after this you probably don’t ask him for the homework again, you guys just try to help remind each other

cameron:

- the work is done, but he doesn’t care to give it to you. especially if it’s late at night, this kid 100% has a strict bed time (besides when there are dps meetings and such)

- 9:00 PM or later? reads the notification, turns back over, and goes to sleep.

- he doesn’t let people copy his work anyway because that’s cheating😤

- he might help if you ask politely enough (or berate him enough, both strategies work), but he’s a really impatient teacher and probably scoffs at you a lot for not knowing how to do things

[mywritingonlyfans]

Suck it and See /// Alex Turner X Reader! Smut.

context (prompt): the idea runs that Alex is in a honeymoon phase of dating someone who is not in his league. The fic takes place with them at university, I had Alex in mind during Humbug, he is dating a girl who is life of the party and a cheerleader, the two are goody and are very foolishly in love. You'll see a description of their moments together and realize how much they love each other, from him going to a famous college sports game just to watch you dance, car trips together, and you meeting the boys and going to a small concert at the band for the first time. I hope you like it!

Words: 8,5K.

warnings (and I'm describing the smut for those who just read it bc of that don't waste time): it's smut! from the middle to the end there's a description of him fingering you after you've had a brief anxiety attack and need to sleep, we have oral (male receiving), riding, also there's like a mild bulge and cockwarming kink.

You tiptoed your way through the bleachers, scanning the crowd for him. Although you hadn't explicitly asked him to come, dropping hints here and there had been your way of hoping he'd show up. Even though you would understand if he didn't make it, the thought of him not being there made you feel sad.

Anyway, he would pick you up there in a few seconds after the end of the game, since you had agreed to spend the weekend with some of his band friends (and friends' girlfriends). You knew them from looks in the hallway and a few gigs you went to see, but you never had a proper interaction with any of them.

Although you were aware of your acquired view in that environment, and didn't care much, you hadn't dated many people from the classes, in fact you had never related (or had sex) to anyone from there but Alex, and even though you have mean comments to be heard, it was clear that nobody cared about it, at most the students found it curious.

“How was last night?” Your best girl asked, which by your happy face, she was already sure of the positive answer.

“It was great,” the butterflies in your stomach were still present, as well as your sweaty hands from having been experiencing it in your mind ever since, and your hot face wasn't able to hide it.

“Was sex with Alex that good?” There was judgment in her voice, you couldn't read whether it was irony or not, yet you elbowed her. “Did he do anything? Or was all the work left for you?”

Then, hiding your face in your hands, you understood that she just wanted a reason to embarrass you. Asking her to keep her voice down, she agreed with a laugh, waiting for more information from you, which was expected. It was your first time with Alex, and you had been nervous, something that was unusual from her perspective, so she wanted to know how it went, like each detail of it.

You decide to withhold yourself from a lot of the particulars, knowing she would understand, just sharing something like, "He's shy, but in a good way, uh, y'know, he's observant and he made good use of it." You bit your lip, unable to contain a smile. Your head swelling again with the way he held you, made you sigh loudly and let out so cute muffled moans as you marked him. You didn't know how, but it had been intimate and at the same time so sexy, the kind that both ends with tears about to escape your eyes. You couldn't wait to have him again.

She nodded, taken by her expression of pure bliss, concluding with a small, “It’s nice that you have him, I'm glad for you, he seems you are a great guy.”

And although happy, with those words, you also felt intrigued, Alex was your complete opposite most of the time, and as much as you had no doubts that he liked you, you were afraid of him realizing that he could get someone better without much effort.

As you were lost in your own mind, your friend grabbed your shoulders before you could sink into your sadness. She turned you to the side and smiled, noticing the joy on your face as you saw him there. "Wow, you really got Turner to come to a school game."

You didn't have time to respond as you eagerly waved at the curly-haired mess figure in your field of vision. Alex seemed serious, almost as if he didn't want to be there. Your heart sank into your chest for a few seconds until he found you among the girls. His hands were in the pockets of his jacket, and if it weren't for his smile and bright eyes at you, you'd think he was regretting coming. You jumped up excitedly, waving your arms even more, and he reciprocated with elated waves.

The smile was shy as he brushed his hair back, looking motionless in a secluded corner, he blew you a kiss, making a few people notice him, bringing color to his cheeks, but honestly nothing mattered, your Alex was there. You throw him a peck as well before returning to your position on the back court, and without hesitation, he pretended to catch it, putting it in his pocket. Amazed with how happy you were to have him there, like he could forget all the negativity he had faced upon entering the place.

You did your best at the dances and pirouettes, feeling a little self-conscious knowing he was watching. Even though you knew he wouldn't judge you, you couldn't shake off the thought that this wasn't his ideal scenario. But still, he was there, and you knew he liked you. That was what mattered.

The game ended, and you and the girls announced it. You thanked people for watching, but you walked up to Alex without even looking directly at whoever was talking to you. He kept the smile on his face, opening his arms for you. Without even realizing it, you impulsively threw yourself on his neck. He wrapped you in a tight hug, lifting you up a little, and politely, he pulled your skirt down, leaving his hand there to prevent it from going up (you had learned that it became his habit, you thought it was cute and one day, maybe, you would tell him that you were wearing shorts underneath). You stuck your nose in his hair, letting his curls nestle you as he buried his face in your neck, taking in your scent for comfort.

As soon as your feet hit the floor, you both looked at each other affectionately, in a deep silence as if there was no one around screaming their lungs out of their chest. You took a step towards him, and you kissed him. One of those messed up ones you can talk about the taste of the last gum that the other chewed in yearning for such a moment to arrive. His tongue was soft and his hands roamed over your body in light squeezes, it was like being wrapped by calm. Your lips were cold, but his warmth enveloped you. It was quick, but special, for both of you. You had never kissed in public like this, and you could feel the eyes on you. His hands stayed on your waist, keeping you close to himself, and your eyes stayed fixed on his lips, unable to meet his puppy's brown eyes. He kissed your cheek, then forehead, distributing several pecks there. He always did it, and you loved it every time.

"Sorry for being late, Matt needed the car," he explained, taking off his jacket and giving it to you right away, placing it around your shoulder before kissing your head. "Keep it, you look cold." He realized he was right as soon as his fingers touched yours, not that he wasn’t sure of it when your lips met his. His eyes barely met you there and you could tell how nervous he was.

You hugged the jacket close, feeling the warmth and comfort of his scent. "I don't mind, I'm just glad you're here," you said, simply as you were squeezing his hand into yours, mixing both sweats. "I know this isn't your favorite place, so it means a lot to me that you came tonight."

Alex actually found the people there with little perspective of experience, as if they were there to please something or someone. However, while that was his thought of you in the beginning, well before he started to obsess about being observant over you and fill your closet with not-so-usual friendly letters, he knew you were there for your hobbies and resumes, he could tell you genuinely liked to dance, consequently of being there with your friends, he did not misjudge. He actually enjoyed seeing you in the colorful, confetti-covered skirt, smiling as you were being embraced by the music.

He rubbed his thumb into your palm, blushing like a schoolboy. "I'll be here as many times as necessary," he said. "I like to see you happy."

He placed his hand on your lower back, leading you out to the car, you still had a goofy smile on your face, just like he had his ears flushed, you couldn't wait to have him there waiting for you more often.

…

He sifted through his belongings, handpicking a few tapes and placing them onto your lap. "Take your pick," he said, anticipation in his voice.

You examined the options before you, eyeing a familiar purple cover photo. "Oh my god, it's Kate Bush!" you exclaimed, grinning from ear to ear. Even as he focused on the road ahead, you could feel his presence beside you.

It was dark, the borrowed car was small, but it still couldn't be more special.

"Matt mentioned that you were a fan," he said.

"And you went and got it for me?" you asked eagerly, pressing play right away.

He nodded, watching as your smile grew with every note.

Before he could say anything, You squealed excitedly, pausing to kiss his cheek quickly, trying to avoid any possible accidents. Feeling comfortable with him, you mimicked Kate's vocals, loud in your exaggerated facial expressions to copy your muse. He couldn't help but chuckle, grateful to Matt for giving him the tape.

"I'm glad you're enjoying it, lil’ one," he whispered, his enthusiasm matched by your excitement for the lyrics. He clearly couldn't see himself in any other state than happy to see you well and with him.

He didn't know the lyrics, nor the instrumentation but he didn't fail to encourage you to continue, like a proper number 1 fan.

"Did you know that David Gilmour kind of discovered Kate Bush?" you asked, pausing for breath.

"I've heard that somewhere," he replied, prompting you to elaborate.

"It's like we're all interconnected, isn't it?" you said, solemnly glancing his way before turning back to the road, tapping out the remaining melody with your fingers. "I kind of like the thought of it."

"Yeah, it's a nice thought," he agreed, feeling his heart warming at each second. Not wanting to let the matter drop, he continued. "So, have you been checking out any of the bands I like?"

And suddenly, things seemed slower, like everything was in the right place, you noticed Alex's relaxed face, in a soft smile as you were realizing that he only had that look when he was with you, in any other situation, in classes, cafeteria or gigs, he remained unbothered, which you found charming, but you must admit, you preferred what you had now.

As he placed his large hand on your thigh, you couldn't help but smile. He didn't move up or down, but the warmth and comfort he brought you was all you needed. You placed your palm over his, running your fingers through his long ones. The feeling of his skin touching yours, for as short as it is, filled you with a sense of enjoyment.

"I have," you said, feeling a bit bashful. "I wanted to hear what you liked, and I actually found one that I really enjoyed."

His eyes widened, and for a moment, you thought he might crash the car, but Alex was deep down to earth, so you would be fine. "No way! You liked Leonardo Cohen?" He concluded the obvious. Last night, after spending hours with you, he'd done a dissertation on the composer, he'd come home and beat himself up for making you listen to him, never imagining you'd actually hear it for yourself.

"I did," you confirmed, knowing he was overreacting in his Alex-like manner, which means he was giving you his unbothered face in a failure to hide a huge smile, like you wouldn't notice. "Dance me to your beauty with a burning violin," you sang, turning your imaginary microphone towards your hand. He looked genuinely thrilled, as if he had won the lottery.

"Dance through the panic 'til I'm gathered safely in," he continued, belting out the lyrics with love. Cohen's words about being in love sounds the same way about how he had feelings for you, it seems far-fetched, but Alex was never one to spare feelings, which was also why he had made you hear so much about his favorite singer.

You pretended to play the guitar, creating the sounds with your mouth, and suddenly, the small space was alive with music. You were both so happy at that moment.

And so it continued on every small and long trip you took together, with your favorite artists and his. Little did you know that nights like these would be repeated many more times.

…

You stopped in a dark place, sweat had broken out on your hand and Alex could tell you were nervous being out in the middle of nowhere.

"Al, I don't want to be alone." You said in a sleepy yet shaky voice.

He didn't question it, just as he didn't even consider doing this to you, he himself didn't think about tackling a ramshackle gas station alone so he could take a piss.

He nodded to calm you down, the discomfort was clear on your face, you were pessimistic in terms of worries, Alex had already realized that, he couldn't even imagine the scenarios in your head, but he still needs to get rid of it.

"Look, I'm going to go outside, close the door and use the tree outside," he said quickly, feeling the color rush into his face. "Just don't look at me, y'know, it'd be awkward. I won't drop out of sight or leave you alone, I promise."

You nodded, unable to look at him. Your hands went to the radio, turning the music up a little more (you wanted to avoid having to listen to him pissing, it was too intimate for such a short amount of time), and then you conceded that it sounded like a good idea.

It took a short time, soon he had already returned, used gel alcohol that he had stuck in his backpack and claimed that he felt better before apologizing for which you said was not necessary. You appreciated that he listened to you, it was something simple, but that you didn't feel so used to.

"I need to change, can you close your eyes?" He just chuckled, putting his hands to his eyes, hearing you laugh too. He felt that this was the right place at the right time, you were together and none of that feeling weird made him happy to be yours.

You, who already have the dress in your hands, took off your T-shirt and tiny skirt, as well as the small shorts, which were part of the uniform and replaced them with a light and flowery dress, without forgetting, Alex's jacket returned to your shoulders. The car windows were tinted and you trusted that no one would see you, and even Alex, who you thought would try to outwit you, didn't even dare to move.

"All right, you can look now,"

Alex let his eyes hover over you, deciding to like the dress and how it hugs your body, the knee socks became more present, making your thighs properly show, Alex felt the air go out of him a bit and before you could flinch in embarrassment he interrupted you. "You look beautiful, I like the dress and the combination it makes with my jacket."

You smiled excitedly, making relief clear. You just wanted to get more comfortable, you still had hours of driving to do, and even though you felt your tired eyes taking over you, you wanted to keep Alex company.

Alex saw that you were tired, he hadn't said anything, but he knew how to read you. You had trained from an early hour for the game finals, in addition to having been looking forward to it, not to mention that in the midst of all that, you still had your classes, you deserved a proper nap.

With eyes on the road and steering wheel, he said you could sleep if you wanted, that he didn't mind.

"I don't want to leave you alone," you both knew that was a lie, you were never good at trying to let tiredness not overcome you. Still, Alex thought it was the cutest thing.

"You will not, you'll be right 'ere by my side, puppet."

Your soft chuckle filled the car, he helped you lay down the seat so you could lie down as far as you could (he suggested you get in the back seat, but you really wouldn't leave him alone), he turned the music down and then your eyes went to the window for a few seconds, admiring the stars but soon turning your attention to Alex.

"Do your friends know about me?" You asked solemnly, curious but without sounding indiscreet, you genuinely needed to know.

"I mean, they do, y'know," he said it like it was obvious, but not invalidating your lines, just encouraging you to build on it.

"I know they know me by sight, but you don't know who I am, they just know that I'm with you." And it was true, you exchanged hellos and waves in the hallway and that was all, you rarely interacted with them when Alex was with you, because of class schedule anyway. "Like, what do they think of me? I can be a bitch in their minds, a bore or a petty girl that will ruin your weekend,"

He chuckled at seeing through his nose and continued, "Wouldn't let them think that of you," he didn't sound hurt, he wasn't stupid for not understanding that you're an abyss out of his league, even more so in social terms. "Actually, it's like they don't believe I'm dating you."

You closed your eyes tightly, embarrassed and denied, "That's not true, Al."

"Oh, you'll see," it was obvious, that after having you around, the boys wouldn't shut up about it.

He had a goofy, comfortable smile on his face, you could see him in the dim lighting, hair set in lovely curves and shirt rolled up to his elbows, you wanted to scream that you loved him but it seemed too soon.

Silence filled the void, just the noise of the car speeding filling the room. He thought you had fallen asleep until another sleepy question from you surfaced, he liked that you were comfortable with him, whether in presence or in speaking whatever comes to your mind.

As Alex drove down the long and winding road, you felt yourself starting to drift off to sleep. But as your head lulled to the side, you couldn't help but feel an overwhelming sense of care for him. You opened your eyes and looked over at him, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips.

"Hey, Al," you said softly. "Do ya ever talk ‘bout me to your mum?" You imitate his accent, making his nose wrinkle funny.

Alex glanced over at you, a small smile on his face. "Of course I do," he said, as if that was not something of great importance to you. "She knows how much I care ‘bout you, I didn't deprive her of many details, I think, I'm quite talkative when it comes to her" And you knew it, you had never witnessed the experience with someone who had a good relationship with their parents.

You felt a warmth spread through your chest at his words. "So, she knows what I'm like?" you asked, curiosity getting the best of you.

Alex chuckled. "Yes, she knows you," he said. "And I’m sure she would love to finally meet you, you know." He was being honest, he had imagined a few times what this would be like, he could tell you would get along.

You smiled at the thought of meeting Alex's mom. "I'd love to meet her too," you said. "She raised an amazing son."

Alex smiled back at you, his eyes never leaving the road. "Thanks," he said. "I'm glad you think so."

You fell into a comfortable silence for a few moments, the only sound being the soft hum of the car's engine. But then you spoke up again, your voice shaky with emotion.

"Al, do you see me in your future?" you asked, looking over at him with wide eyes.

Alex didn't hesitate for a moment. "Absolutely," he said, his voice firm and sure. You were surprised, although you would have answered the same immediately. "Even though we're both in college and we don't know where life will take us, I know that I want you in my life for such a long time, if you let me, y’know. I’m sure we'll find a way to make it work."

Your heart swelled in bliss, and you couldn't resist leaning over to give him a soft kiss on the cheek. "I like that I’m with you," you said, your voice filled with tiredness and affection.

"Me too, more than anything," he replied, his hand reaching over to grasp yours, squeezing it tightly. It was a small gesture, but it spoke volumes. "And I can't wait to see what the future holds for us, I can't imagine my future without you in it.”

…

You were sound asleep, your hand was resting on Alex's arm as he drove down the empty highway. He glanced over at you, a small smile on his face as he watched you sleep peacefully.

Suddenly, as if he was waiting for that, you jolted awake, gasping for air and clutching at your chest. Your body was in spasms as you struggled to catch your breath.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Alex said, his voice soothing as he reached over and rubbed your back. "Just take deep breaths with me, huh?"

You nodded, your eyes wide with fear. "I'm sorry," you whispered, feeling guilty for disturbing Alex's driving.

"Don't be sorry," Alex said firmly. "You're not bothering me. I just want to make sure you're fine, babe."

You leaned your head back against the seat, still breathing heavily. "It's just...a nightmare. I have these anxiety attacks sometimes, and they're always so hard to shake off."

"I know," Alex said softly. "I've been there with you before with you, remember?” He smiled sweetly, squeezing your hand in his. “We'll get through this, okay."

He pulled the car over to the side of the road and opened the windows and door to let in some fresh air. You watched as the sky began to lighten, the first rays of dawn peeking over the horizon.

"It's so beautiful," you murmured, feeling a sense of peace wash over you.

Alex nodded. "Yeah, it is. You know what else is beautiful?” He added, soon regretting it when he realized that it could sound different from what he meant. “You, when you're at peace like this."

You blushed, making Alex less worried about what he had said, feeling grateful for his kind words. "Thank you."

He covered you with a comforter he had brought along, tucking you in and making sure you were warm and comfortable.

He stopped solemnly, watching you restless covered by the duvet, only your eyes stayed on him, your breathing was already steady and it just looked like you couldn't sleep anymore.

"Do you want me to stay still until you sleep?" He felt awkward with your attention focused on him, but he still asked, referring to the car. He wanted to be more than sure that you were feeling alright.

"No," you took a short break, your mind not being able to behave and take you elsewhere as you watched his hands on the steering wheel and lips reddened from nervous biting. And subtly, you grew softly panting again. "Actually, we could stay here for a while." You declared, loosening the duvet from your body, you were warm and it didn't seem like a passing thing, however much you still felt like you needed to sleep; maybe you were stressed about it, but you couldn't tell.

He arched his eyebrows, turning to you worriedly, only to realize that the lighting was awful and he barely even noticed things and just felt your eyes on him. "'kay, but you feel good, right?"

"Yeah, just can't sleep," you continued, bringing your hand up to him, wandering over his shoulder until your fingers were at the back of his neck, brooding in his warmth. "Come closer, I want to feel you." You pulled him to you.

His nose brushed your cheek, his lips brushed yours, soft and smooth in contrast to your sudden urgency. He leaned further into the seat, and as he kissed you deeper, you placed his hand on your waist. He pulled back a little, pressing his forehead to yours, and even though you couldn't see him properly through the dark, you could imagine how red his cheeks were. From his breath, he wanted to say something, but he was thinking, not being able to form words because he felt nervous knowing that you might be expecting more from him.

"I like how you taste," you whispered, pulling him by his hair and holding him tight. Feeling his breath on your face, you held his chin, licking his open mouth to the way up, stopping with a kiss on the nose. You laughed, noticing him more agitated, you liked the effect you had on him, and you sure had found yourself thinking over and over how you should use this more to your advantage.

Before he could kiss you again, you proceeded in a low voice, "I need a favor, if you don't mind me."

He nodded, still not speaking, you held him close, as much as you could, you had in mind that he was hardly comfortable in that position. Placing your mouth close to his ear, you ran the tip of your tongue there, feeling him shiver and continued, "I just thought you might help me sleep," you wished he could see your restless, pleading eyes. "I'm thinking about how your fingers made me feel last night, I don't want to just have to think about that." Not knowing how you felt so confident with him, there are things that aren't so easy to explain, you rested his hand that was squeezing your waist and guided it to your bare thigh. You'd be dumb if you didn't love seeing him goofy and lost when you talked to him like that, it was like you could see his breath failing and his face about to explode.

He sighed a small yes, almost unavoidable above a whisper. Without ado, heeding your calls—something you learned he would do as you said—he moved his warm hand up under your dress, squeezing the flesh of your hips before slipping his hand inside your panties. You couldn't hold back a moan, feeling comfortable and soon his lips were on yours again. He was hot, biting your bottom lip every now and then as you sighed, such a mesmerizing rhythm. His kisses were wet and filled the car in hesitant noises that made you soaked. Alex wished he could see you more than you wish you could see him yourself. His fingers were light on your clit, following a linear pattern that felt right as you spread more and more for him.

"Fuck, I can hear how wet I am." you breathed loudly, with difficulty.

Alex kissed you once more, trying to stifle your whimpers, he didn't want anyone to see, just as he didn't want anyone to disturb anything.

As soon as the tingling in your lower belly became present, you held Alex's wrist tightly, kind of not knowing what to do, your eyes closed and more moans came, Alex then pressed his thumb harder to your clit and let the fingers slide easily inside you. Your legs shook while you still held him, Alex was agile, skilled in a way that you had never imagined when you met him, he hadn't accelerated like most people did, he just followed your body's commands and kept it slow, building you up to get there deliciously, yet calmly, so you could enjoy every minute of it.

"You're so fookin' gourgeous." He let out, seeing your mouth parted, eyes closed and sweaty hair plastered to your forehead as you squirmed beautifully before him.

You opened your eyes, feeling exasperated, noticing that you were holding his shirt collar tightly, kneading it, then you realized that it was actually morning, now you could see his red and sweaty face perfectly.

With you nothing but breathless, Alex contemplated your beauty in silence, rubbing between your legs on the sensitive skin until you recovered. You had the liveliest face, lips more swollen and warm legs around his wrist while you still held him, but now more light. He felt like a sinner for thinking about how he wanted to fuck you in that car, little did he know that you would love the idea.

Soon, he took his hand away, letting you settle better on the seat and between the blanket, you looked calmly at him and he just smiled lightly, he felt good about that, he felt good about making you feel good.

Even though he felt awkward doing so, he fed his own thoughts this time, brought his joined fingers to his mouth, closed his eyes, and sucked them in, feeling you on his tongue. Hearing you moan at that, he felt even more uncomfortable in his pants, and then he did the same with the next finger.

You unashamedly pulled him to your mouth, kissing him hard and he felt surprised before he reciprocated you too. You pulled away with light little pecks, then you held his wrists to you, sucking them in with his eyes on you, you were acting as if that comforted you and Alex found himself enjoying that. He pushed his fingers harder into you, not quite controlling himself and apologized, but even in the face of choking a bit, you laughed in amusement.

When you stopped, he wiped your chin with his sleeves and kissed you with a goofy smile, still as red as a tomato. Without saying anything, just in the warmth and embrace of the moment, he drove off again and soon you would be asleep and safe beside him.

…

Alex and you arrived at his house, and he parked the car, gently waking you up with kisses on your face and neck. "Hey, sleepyhead, we're here," you opened your eyes slowly, still feeling snuggled.

You felt nervous, knowing that you were about to meet some of his important people. "Are you sure they'll like me?" you asked, feeling anxious.

"Of course they will," Alex said reassuringly, taking your hand in his. "And even if they don't, it doesn't matter. You're here with me, and that's all that matters."

Alex held your hand tightly, reassuring you as he led you to the door. As soon as you stepped inside, he introduced you to his friends. They were a lively group, and they welcomed you warmly. One of his friends teased Alex about being too ugly for you, and you felt a surge of anger rise within you, but Alex just laughed it off, making you feel more at ease.

The afternoon passed quickly and pleasantly. The boys' girlfriends were nice, but they seemed a bit distant from you. They had known each other for a long time, and you were the new addition to the group. But they played cards with you all and were patient as Alex taught you how to play.

"You're doing great," he whispered in your ear. "I knew you'd pick it up quickly." He patted your thigh as if to say good girl and your heart was about to explode.

After a while, you overheard one of the girls say to Alex, "I don't think anyone in the world would have the patience to learn something from you, Alex. You’re made for each other."

You blushed at the compliment and felt a surge of warmth in your chest. Alex smiled at you and squeezed your hand. "See, I told you they'd love you," he said.

You spent the rest of the evening talking and playing games, and you felt happy to be a part of Alex’s world. You leaned your head on Alex's shoulder and closed your eyes, feeling content and loved. You couldn't be happier.

…

You were lying on the bed, scrolling through your phone, when you heard the door creak open. You sat up, setting your phone down on the nightstand, as Alex walked in.

You were feeling exhausted, so you ended up leaving the room early. You had commented on this before leaving, telling Alex you were feeling a bit off, kissing him on the cheek with your hands on his shoulder. He nodded that he would go upstairs too, even though you said he didn't need to, you gave good night everyone and went to the room that would be yours and Alex's.

"Hey," he said, closing the door behind him. "Everything okay?" He looked just as tired, although you had other ideas.

You smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'm just tired. Had a long day, y'know." He laughed.

Alex nodded in understanding, making his way over to the bed. He sat down beside you, watching as you shifted onto your side, facing him.

"I brought you some water," he said, holding up a glass.

"Thanks," you said, taking the glass and taking a sip. The silence was comfortable, but there was already a tension as if he could already read you well.

Alex leaned in, kissing you softly. "You look so beautiful in my shirt," he murmured against your lips. He tasted like the previous soda and mint, like good boys.

You giggled, feeling yourself confident at his words, no in a mean way. "Well, it's comfy." You adjusted the white shirt, almost see-through, on your body, making a point of unbuttoning one of the buttons. Alex's attention, of course, was all yours.

Alex smiled, running a hand through your hair. "You're always beautiful, no matter what you wear."

You leaned in, kissing him again, more passionately this time. His hands found their way to your hips, pulling you closer to him. You wrapped your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

As you broke apart, Alex rested his forehead against yours. "What are you hiding in your mind, puppet?" he said softly.

"You, I want to thank you for earlier, for making me feel good no matter what." you replied, running your fingers through his soft curls, putting his bangs in place.

Alex nodded before your captivating eyes, kissing you again, the passion between you growing. "Just want you to know that you don't have to, like ever." He assured you and you had no doubts about it.

"It's just a treat, don't get so excited kid." You joked, getting out of bed, kneeling on the edge as Alex followed you, already clearly tense, with his gaze.

"I'll try to," he gulped, making you laugh, he had already failed in that regard.

Following them with your eyes, you watched him obey your orders for him to take off his clothes, which he did, making your mouth water at how easy it was to get him excited. He wasn't solid, but he was swollen and vibrant red, you wished you'd slept with him more times than just one.

As expected, he had a flushed face and every now and then his eyes were distant, you couldn't say why, not least because he didn't seem to be insecure in terms of appearance. You wanted to make him feel comfortable, you didn't know if you did that well yet but it also seemed too soon to ask.

"Is it okay if I touch you?" You asked in a soft voice, looking away from his body and towards his eyes. He seemed to enjoy the sight of you on your knees for him, his lit face cheered you up.

"Of course, babe," he sounded husky in anticipation, encouraging you to run your thumb over his length, his lower belly contracted with the touch, and soon you had lubricated his tip with saliva so you could work your fingers there.

He growled hoarsely and before it could get any louder you signaled him to be quiet, it wasn't your plan to make his friends overhear but you didn't mind all that much either.

You didn't want to drag it out, not right then, you just wanted to make him feel genuinely good, he deserved it. You pressed your hand around him, squeezing lightly before moving your hand up and down and making him give you some cute spasms. To avoid discomfort, you kept your eyes on him, who had his mouth slightly open in a bliss of not believing what was happening, and moistened your mouth with saliva, spreading wet kisses over your boy so that he was properly lubricated, it didn't take long and he was fully hard for you.

Seconds had passed and you felt his hips going towards your hand, too bad you had barely started, and it wouldn't be that easy. You stopped your movements, laughing at the sound of disapproval he made, he had his hand over his mouth to prevent noise, it was adorable, even his ears had color. Licking your lips, you allowed yourself to run your tongue over the tip, closing your eyes as you enjoyed the taste of him on you. Worse than him, without being able to think further, you slipped him into your mouth, reaching as far as you could and pressing what you didn't have access to. If no one had heard Alex this time it was because they were deaf. Your legs spread on the floor and you felt your knees hurt, you felt sexy like that, and Alex agreed just as much.

His eyes were closed, you dipped him in saliva and it felt so good. Alex took a deep breath, trying to control himself with every descent your head made, it was as if he was almost unconscious. He dropped his back onto the bed, not having the strength to keep looking at you, which he wanted to do, his hands went to your hair and he pulled you close, lucky for him you let him guide you and do that easy to get for him, it was a short time together but he was used to you being the teasing type. You moaned around him, making the vibrations too good to ignore, and it wasn't until he realized you were touching yourself through it, the thought alone was capable of making him shiver.

Not taking the idea of ​​you providing him the pleasure he wasn't giving you, he pulled your head back, making a loud popping noise as you had your lips disconnected from hin, you were confused, saliva running down your chin and eyes full of tears, you had a lazy smile and you looked beautiful, but he didn't say that, he imagined that you were already tired of hearing him say that every minute.

"Was it that bad?" by the tone of your joke he knew you had a deep hurt.

He looked at you for a few more moments, as in need of it as you were, he was aching. Formulating the words in his mind, he laid you on his lap, picking up a shirt on his side to dry your face. Your eyes were calm on him, watchful and he felt bad that he couldn't tell if that had affected you or not. Still, he took care so that you could feel more comfortable, kissing away the tears and drying your chin and cheeks before a make-out session.

Then, as you squeezed his shoulders and fit perfectly into his lap, making him as hard as possible, he sighed, "You're God, but I want to finish inside you, fill you up like the night before." His voice was calm, you wanted to smack him for making it sound like something romantic to say. "Can we do that?" He was a lot redder than before.

You nodded, "Yeah, sure." This time, it was your throat that was dry.

He pulled down your panties, you kept the shirt on, and leaned into him better, wrapping your arms around his neck. Alex was sweaty, with messy curls, you thought he was stunning, even though he was clumsy, it was his plus charm. You put your forehead on his and with the help of his hand, you relaxed little by little in his lap, feeling him fill you with ease, everything was slow and comfortable, until he was immersed in you, Alex caressed your waist and kissed you now and then, you stopped and let your breathing return to normal a little, it was nice to have him inside you.

"You can move if you want." He asked more with the intention of distracting you after having opened more buttons on your shirt and noticed you flinch reflexively.

He moves your hands gently and kisses the middle between your breasts, working his way down to your stomach and then reaching to your waist. You laughed and that made him feel relieved, he wanted to make you understand that you could feel confident next to him, without worrying about things like that, even if it wasn't so easy.

"I'm getting used to you, Al. You're quite big, y'know." It wasn't a lie but verbalizing it made your cheeks feel hot and Alex turned the color of a bell pepper once again. "I'm sorry."

"No complaints, I feel comfortable having you like this, it's another level of closeness." You agreed with him.

It lasted a good few minutes, then you had Alex moving your hips up and down as you were stuck with nails at his shoulders as riding him good. The movements were rhythmic, and you didn't skimp on calm this time, the bed creaked and the body bumping was just as hot. Alex held onto your rib cage, admiring how your breasts bounced along with you in his lap in the opened shirt, he was mesmerized. Until then, you thought you were doing a good job of keeping the noise down.

You made him lie on his back, leaning on his chest, the view was great, he was a mess, biting his lip hard to keep from making noise. You continued working on it, already feeling your legs weak and body trembling, the feeling was so good that your head was empty just thinking about it, drool was present in the corner of your mouth, it was surreal that you could feel this good with someone. Alex was no different, his muscles twitching in anticipation, you found him noisier, just as you thought you would be like, then you let yourself down on top of him, covering his mouth with your hand and burying your face in his shoulder, biting down on the flesh to avoid any damage.

You clamped your hand over his mouth, actually seeing that that was accurate. You kept riding him until you felt your body nothing but weak and actually fell on Alex's chest, then you felt him filling you up completely, making you hot, you couldn't help but moan louder into his shoulder as he squeezed you closer for comfort. Your muscles were sore, and Alex could barely move, you laughed in satisfaction, looking at Alex who held your wrist while your hand covered his mouth, his eyes were all puppy and his face all babydoll like. Taking it away, the mark of your hand on his face was clear and you liked that. "Good boy," you joked, just before taking in the silence while enjoying Alex still being inside you, keeping his cum deep inside you.

"I need a shower," you pleaded, after a while.

Alex was patting your back, happy to have you lazily humming at his touch. He didn't feel any different, he needed water and soap driving through his body.

You got up slyly, still connected to his hip and sat on him while Alex was still lying down. He ran his finger down your stomach, a shy smile on his face, and then you realized he was feeling him inside you. You looked down, confirming to yourself that you could see his cock deep into you, you bit your lip enjoying it.

Nobody said anything else, he just sat up and slowly put you next to him, on his chest as you felt him slide down your thigh, you liked the feeling. You clung to him, he had his eyes on you. His faces were close and his fingers played with your face and hair affectionately, sometimes he kissed your hand or nose. His eyes sparkled before yours, you felt lucky.

When he mentioned the shower once again, you agreed, you would take one together, you just needed a few more minutes for that. But before, he took the shirt and cleaned you up, affectionately and without making it something weird, he really wanted to see you well. He threw the fabric in a corner and you actually felt better without being sticky, he then went to the bathroom and said he would fix the shower, something usual from that house he was already familiar with, while waiting you pulled a napkin from the nightstand (comical how men thought to leave a napkin inside the nightstand) and described your feelings in moderate words (you wish you could write like Alex, but yet you tried your best), leaving them under his backpack and hoping that one day he would get to read it because you weren't brave enough give it to him in or speak how you felt.

Oh, and the boys didn't shut up about that day ever before.

…

Alex and you stepped into the shower together, the warm water cascading down our bodies. He looked at me with a soft smile, and you felt your heart skip a beat.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered, taking the bottle of soap and lathering it in his hands.

you blushed and looked down, you were completely exposed and that was weird, you felt a little self-conscious. But Alex wasn't having any of it. He lifted your chin and looked into your eyes, his gaze filled with love and admiration.

"Don't hide from me," he said gently. "I love every inch of you."

I couldn't help but smile, feeling the nerves slowly melt away as he began to soap your back. It felt so intimate, having him wash your body like this, and you knew that you could trust him completely.

As he moved to your hair, you closed your eyes and let out a contented sigh. His fingers were gentle as he massaged the shampoo into your scalp, and you felt like you were floating on a cloud.

When it was my turn to wash his hair, you took your time, loving the way the suds felt against your fingers. Alex leaned his head back and closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation. You were on tiptoe and decided to say anything.

As the water continued to pour over both of you, you just stood there, holding each other as you were resting your head on his chest, hugging his middle tight, enjoying the closeness. Alex was being his usual goofy self, making silly faces and tickling you under the water.

"Stop lookin’ at me like that," you said, trying to sound stern but failing to keep the smile off my face.

"Like what?" he replied, grinning.

"Like I'm the most precious thing in the world."

"Oh, but you are," he said, his eyes softening. "You're everything to me."

…

You and Alex had been dating for a few months, and you were thrilled when he invited you to one of his gigs. You had heard him play before, but only in the privacy of his apartment, where he would strum his guitar and sing his heart out to you.

But this was different. This was a real concert, with a small but enthusiastic crowd gathered around a makeshift stage in the back of a dimly lit bar. You stood with Alex's friends and their girlfriends, swaying to the music and singing along to every word.

As you watched Alex perform, you were struck by how alive he looked, how in his element he was. His bangs were curled across his forehead, and his white t-shirt was clinging to him, damp with sweat. But he didn't seem to notice or care; he was lost in the music, lost in the moment.

You felt a sense of connection with his friends' girlfriends, like you were all part of something special, something that time had sorted out. You were grateful for their company, for the way they made you feel like you belonged there with them.

When the gig ended, you couldn't help but run up to Alex, jumping into his arms despite his protests about his sweating state. He hugged you tight, and you praised him for his performance, telling him how much you loved seeing him live and how much you admired his songwriting. Being extra and mentioning that just like Leonard Cohen. It wasn't a lie, you would never get tired of comparing the good taste of the two.

He blushed, taking a piece of napkin out of his pocket and handing it to you. It was damp with sweat, but you didn't care. You started to read it in front of him, tears springing to your eyes as you realized it was his response to the love letter you had left under his pillow that night.

You looked up at him, surprised and touched, and he just grinned and shrugged. "I couldn't let you be the only one who poured their heart out in writing," he said, close to your ear before kissing the spot, like it was just for you and yours. "I wrote you a love song, my girl." He pulled you by the waist, wrapping you to him as he kissed away your tears, then his eyes filled too.

As he strummed his guitar and sang the words he had written just for you, you knew in that moment that actions really did speak louder than words. Your Alex was living proof of that. And you felt grateful and lucky to have Alex in your life, to have his music and his love.

[idontplaytrack]

✧ Off Night

AJ Campos x chronically ill fem! reader

Warnings: fluff, angst, coarse language, chronic illness/pain(costochondritis is painful asf— has not went away for me since 2019😖) flare up descriptions

In which reader has something they’d call an ‘off night’.

Writing this bc I need it rn🤐 I’m a self-indulgent writer at my core😄

(Pictures used above are from Pinterest & Tumblr)

With each breath you took, the wider the pain spread across and around your ribcage causing you to wince. An unintentional groan left your lips as you laid in bed uncomfortably, on your side. AJ walks into the room to check on you, informing you that dinner would be ready soon.

“I don’t feel like eating.”

She sits down beside you, gently running her hand up and down your back. Very gently. And yet it still made you flinch. “I’m sorry.” AJ apologises for hurting you more and for how you were feeling.

“Is there anything I can get you?” She asks softly, her eyes studying you worriedly.

“Unless I can get a new body, no.” You answered bluntly.

She presses a kiss to your forehead and stroked your cheek before pulling the blanket higher up past your shoulders. After that, she quietly exits the room. AJ wishes that there was more she could do, but she knew she’s done the best she could, and so do you. The pain just made you so incredibly irritable. Every single time you inhaled or exhaled made you feel closer and closer to crying. Just wanting to burst into tears…but you knew all too well that it would just make your pain worse. So you swallowed those tears like your life depended on it— quite literally.

You tried shutting your eyes in hopes of drifting off to sleep, but it did not work and you were growing impatient. And angry. At whatever the hell it was. AJ returns after awhile, thinking that you’d be asleep but clearly, you weren’t. “I’m not asleep.” You huffed.

“How about I run you a bath, babe?”

“I dunno.” You mumbled.

“We’ll try, okay?”

You just let her. What could you do, say no? She’d just go ahead anyway. When she walked out of the ensuite bathroom, she glances at you before picking out a new set of clothes for you. You knew she was worried and you felt terrible about it, but you were also aware of the fact that you needed her to help you right now. If you were alone, you’d definitely just curl up in bed and do nothing. She helped you get out of bed, out of your clothes and into the bathtub. “Easy, easy.” AJ says, “Okay, sit— yeah. You okay?”

You nodded, letting out a little grunt when you strained yourself while trying to sit down. One of the few things that have helped was soaking in warm water. And you wish you could’ve been in here all day, but that’s just…not possible. The sun had just completely set, leaving you and AJ in darkness for a brief moment before she turned the lights on. “Would you want them off instead?”

“It’s fine.”

She sits down on the floor by the tub to keep you company. “Go eat dinner.”

“I will, in a minute.” She assured, “Does the water help?”

“A lot.” You admit, “The relief won’t last long though.” AJ held onto your hand, stroking her thumb over your knuckles as you leaned back and shut your eyes. This tiny gesture gave you a bit more comfort, which you appreciated and gave her a smile in response. “Do you maybe want to eat dinner, here?”

You shook your head, telling her that you’ve got no appetite. “Maybe later.”

“Alright.” She stroked your hair, “I’ll go get you some water, okay? You’ve got to stay hydrated, love.”

“Okay.” You murmured.

She leaves, and comes back with a plastic cup filled with water, and a straw dipped in the cup. “Here you go, honey.” She holds the straw to your lips and you took a tentative sip. “Thanks, honey- please go have your dinner. Just leave the cup on the stool. I’ll just be right here.”

“Are you sure?”

You nodded in confirmation, “Yeah. Go.”

“Okay, but if you need anything- call for me.”

You watch her leave, then you hear sounds from further away, in the kitchen. She was having her dinner. You dozed off for the duration of her dinner, and woke up when she walked back in. “Looks like you got some rest.”

“Luckily I didn’t fall back or I would’ve drowned.”

“Tsk.” AJ chuckles, “Come on, let’s get you outta there.”

You let out a groan, having to sit up straight and then stand up. “Okay, alright- you good?” She squints, grabbing your towel off the sink countertop. “Mm.” You mumbled incoherently but nodded. “Okay.” AJ rubs your towel-covered back just ever so gently. She guides you back into the room and onto bed. After helping you get changed, she freezes in her tracks in front of you. “I’d feel better if we get you to eat a little bit while you’re feeling some relief right now.”

“I’ll try.” You stood up on your own, sending her into a moment of panic, “I wanna— go outside.”

“I figured.” She says, walking beside you. Once you two got to the dining room, she pulls a chair out for you and you sat down in it while she got you a bowl of mac and cheese.

————

She sat with you while you ate, checking her phone for any missed texts or calls. Then she went around the apartment to tidy it up some. AJ then somehow persuaded you to go to bed, and you managed to fall asleep. Also, she’s thought of putting a cushion under your back so the surface you were lying on was way softer. Maybe that was what helped, because you barely felt the pain that way. “Mm, no.” You mumbled half asleep, “Stay with me.”

“I’m not going anywhere, lovebug. I’m right here.” She shushed, “Sleep now, okay?” At first, she was sitting beside you on her side of the bed, but then she decided to lay down and go to bed early too. Letting go of your hand gently, she turned to be on her side so she could watch you sleep. Peacefully.

Slowly, she succumbed to sleep as well and was only awoken by you a few hours later. You were pressed up against her, an arm wrapped around her as well. AJ could feel that you were cold, and that your face was pressed up against her back. AJ was stuck— she didn’t know whether to stay put or move. You couldn’t possibly be comfortable like that, baby. She thought.

Rolling over slowly, you detaches from you. Your arm falls onto the mattress as she feels your forehead. Shit. Were you suddenly having a fever?

You whined in your sleep at the loss of contact. So AJ hurries up to get closer to you again, holding you in her arms— face to face with you. She anxiously feels your forehead again, “Maybe my hand’s just cold?” She mouths to herself. She could go grab the thermometer but if she tried to get away from you again, you would definitely wake up. She knew that she couldn’t know for certain until you were fully awake so she gave in and just dozed off again.

The sleep was very broken up. Because an hour later you were awake. “What’s wrong?” She looked at you, you’d just stepped out of the bathroom.

“I don’t— uh, it kinda stings when I go to the bathroom.”

“Does your stomach hurt?”

You nodded sadly, “I’m sorry.”

You’re sorry? She felt like shit right now for not noticing that you hadn’t been drinking enough water for the past few days — which probably was what lead to this. “I’m gonna take you to the doctor.”

“No. No, no, no, no,” You declined, profusely, “I’ve had enough of antibiotics.”

“Okay, so what do you need then?”

She couldn’t lie, she was a little bit worried about the infection spreading if it was indeed a UTI, but you knew your body best. And it wasn’t your first time having this happen— it also certainly won’t be the last.

You chugged a glass of cranberry juice then crawled back into bed to sleep. “I’m giving you two days, alright? If you don’t feel better and if the fever and pain gets worse, you gotta see a doctor.” AJ tried to reason with you.

“Okay.” You mumbled, “Cuddles, please?”

She happily obliged but was cautious since you were still in pain, “I’m sorry you’re in pain right now, my love.”

“I know. It sucks.” You muttered, “I just want it to go away. I didn’t meant to not drink enough water or however the fuck this happened.”

“Just let me know whatever you need and I’ll give it to you, okay? Just wake me up and I’ll help you, please. If you can’t get up, please let me help you. I don’t want and you doubled over and struggling on your own.” AJ says, rubbing soothing circles on your back. You simply gave her a nod and laid your head in her chest, making yourself comfortable.

After being sick for a few years, and with AJ being with you through it all since the very beginning, she’s had to learnt a lot in a short period of time. About the conditions, about your habits, how they’ve changed, how to help you manage symptoms, what medications helped and which ones didn’t, the side effects. Everything that came with being chronically ill and dealing with chronic pain. AJ had to learn, and remember them. It was tough as shit and she didn’t have to help you with any of it, but she never once complained. She’s never made you feel bad for needing her help. You may have felt bad on your own, but she has never made you feel bad and just showered you with love and care. Because she was the sweetest person you’ve ever met in your life and she just understood. No one chooses to be sick, but being the usually healthier person meant that she was able to do more than you could. You’ve had to learn to be vulnerable and honest with her and yourself if you wanted to feel better sooner. It was an equally painful experience to go through over time. But you were very glad to be past that stage…so when off nights happen, that’s all they were. You don’t let them linger for longer than needed and affect your mood too much— you let it run its course and did what you knew that could help.

AJ looked at you, heart swelling with pride as much as it ached a little bit, ‘You are so strong, my girl.’

[shesinshambles]

Ghost bc Whump Month Day Two: Collapse

Little late with these but better than never I guess!

TW for a character forgetting / neglecting to eat

You never minded working hard, and it wasn’t that you were trying to grind yourself to the bone. It was just, easy to forget about everything else on tour. There was always something. Last minute costume fixes, scheduling issues, keeping the bus clean. And the ghouls. The ghouls. Swiss and Dew making a mess after one of their shenanigans, Swiss and Dew at one another’s throats, trying to get Mountain up for rehearsals— The point was that there was always something to do!

And today was one of those days. Everything that could go wrong, was kind of going wrong. First, you were up early to get coffees and breakfast for everyone because a particularly plucky fire ghoul fried the outlets last night and no one had had time to repair them yet. Thankfully, Aether was up early too and offered to come with and help you bring it all back so you got some mercy there. Then you broke up a squabble about who took the last cinnamon roll and went about making calls to reschedule interviews, make sure the venues were prepared, let the hotel know you would be late to check in because of course, the bus was having problems.

You’d been busy. And breakfast was far gone. But you still had work to. So, you ignored the neglected rumblings of your stomach and your shaky hands and pushed through the best you could. It was your turn to clean the bus anyway, and you were nearly done, only the kitchenette left. You’d eat as soon as you were done. You’d bent down to pick up a fork you’d dropped while doing the dishes when footsteps resounded behind you, coming to a casual stop.

“Hey sister, do you know if we have any crackers left?” Dewdrop asked, yawning. Probably just got up from a nap.

“Um.” You frown, standing up. Blood rushes from your head and you steady yourself with a hand on the counter, little black spots slowly creeping their way into your vision. “Check the cabinets,” you sigh. “Can’t remember.” Every second that goes by the black spots creep further and further in. You shake your head, gripping the counter. Just push through. Almost done. You take a glass from the sink, fumbling for the dish rag.

“Hey, you good?”

“Hmm?” You turn around, leaning back on the counter. Dew’s voice is coming from somewhere, but right now you can’t possibly pinpoint exactly where that somewhere might be.

“You didn’t answer my question.” His voice is hollow, and why is everything spinning? The glass slides from your hand, shattering on the floor with a loud crash. “Shit!”

“Oopsie Daisy,” you mumble. You hear a distant “Fuck!” as the world goes black.

“She just went down.” A cold sweat sweeps over you, and as you crack your eyes open, you’re vaguely aware of two shadowy heads looming over you.

“Did she hit her head?” There’s cotton in your ears, fuzzy, muddled.

“Nah, caught her before she fell.”

“What happened?” You groan, trying to sit up.

“Hey, hey, hey, easy.” Aether’s guides you up to sit slowly with firm, gentle hands on your shoulders, and you blink in confusion.

“You passed out on me,” Dew says softly. Then there’s a glass of water thrust into your hand. You take a small sip, and then another. The cold water soothing your befuddled mind, lifting that heavy fog.

“We should get you to your bunk. You need to rest right now,” Aether murmurs. All you can do is nod weakly, letting the Aether ghoul help you up from the floor and walk you to your bunk. He settles you in with a cold facecloth on your forehead, saying he’ll come check on you in a bit.

You’re alone for a few minutes, finishing off your glass of water when there’s a knock on the outside of your bunk. You pull back the curtains to find Dew holding a plate with some crackers, cheese, and a few candies on it

“Feelin’ good enough to eat something?” You offer him a small smile and scoot over on the smell bed, patting the empty space next to you in offering. The fire ghoul huffs, but takes your offer, handing you the plate before settling in, tucking a hand behind his head.

“Thanks,” you murmur, gingerly taking a bite out of a cracker. When it doesn’t upset your stomach, you wolf it down, putting a slice of cheese on the next one.

“Figured you hadn’t eaten,” he chuckles, and you nod.

“Got busy.”

“I know. You’ve been going non-stop all day.” He frowns at you, a very unfamiliar crease forming between his brows. He’s worried.

“Sorry,” you murmur sheepishly around another cracker, and Dew shakes his head.

“No, no you don’t have to apologize. It’s just—you scared me is all.” He grumbles it out, a hand scratching at his brow. And your heart melts a little bit at that. You snuggle closer to the fire ghoul, and though you’re fully expecting him to pull away, he doesn’t. “C’mere,” he mutters under his breath, sliding an arm under your head, pulling you into his side. You rest your head on his chest, feeling Dew tuck you under his chin, his warmth calming you.

“Thanks.”

“For what?” You shrug.

“Worrying about me.” A puff of soft laughter tickles your hair.

“Someone’s got to.” You merely hum, finishing off your snack and popping a candy into your mouth. Dew places the plate on the floor, and for awhile, the two of you lie together in total silence; him, petting your hair and gently purring, you with a small smile on your face.

“Can’t believe you said oopsie daisy before passing out,” Dew snickers, and you squeeze your eyes shut in embarrassment.

“Shut up!” you groan, but you’re laughing along with him.

“It was cute.”

“Yeah?” You crane your neck up, and he looks down at you, grinning in amusement.

“Yeah.”

The exhaustion of the day is getting to you, and Dew’s warmth and the sway of the bus are certainly not helping. You fight to keep your eyes open.

“Hey,” Dew murmurs, noticing as you try to rub the sleep from your eyes. “Just sleep, you got nowhere you need to be.” And as though he’s pulling the thoughts straight out of your mind, Dew adds: “I’ll be right here when you wake up.” You smile into the fire ghoul’s chest, and with the feeling of his cheek resting atop your head, you drift off into much needed slumber.

[crescentpaws]

btw sorry if I’m sending in too many, feel free to leave some out

for the otp ask game: 1, 3, 12, 13, 22, 25, 27, 29, 34, 36, 48, 51, 58

thanks

replacing the ones i’ve already answered with the number next to it 👍 bc i need to get the brainrot out there

(all under cut bc it’s long & i don’t want to annoy people)

1. Who would end a heated argument by defending their actions with 'because I love you!' ?

depends on what era they’re in i think…. if it’s pre-pyrokinesis ban i think it’d be bronte yelling that, but present day/neverseen era it’d more likely be fintan

(3) 2. What would they do if the other woke in a manic state after a nightmare?

i imagine fintan as being someone who has nightmares often. which is part of the reason he has trouble sleeping. he’s always had awful dreams about the everblaze accident that led to the pyrokinesis ban, but at least those got slightly less intense over time. i think now he would have additional nightmares about his memory break though. and he’s just kinda unstable in general so who knows what kind of fucked up scenarios his unconscious mind can produce. sometimes he’ll just wake up with a start, realize it was just a dream, and compose himself fairly quickly, but other times he’ll end up rocking back and forth hugging his knees and hyperventilating (he probably also occasionally hears the voices of people he’s killed. which, i mean. karma.). i think physical comfort is most important here though, because his mind might be too panicked to focus on actual words being said. i think the two of them are better at showing affection this way anyway. words can be awkward & frustrating. i imagine bronte in this scenario just holding fintan tightly until he calms down a bit, rubbing his back & gently running his fingers through his hair. maybe a forehead kiss. he might mumble some words of comfort once the hyperventilating dies down. though sometimes fintan’s panic/breakdown will be so great that the only way to snap him out of it is to lightly inflict on him 💀 he is a bit fucked up in the head i think sophie might need to come heal him again.

but then there’s also the very likely scenario that fintan will wake up flinging sparks & flames everywhere, so sometimes bronte has to quickly scramble out of the bed to avoid being burned. & he cannot touch him if that happens. in that scenario he has to hope that the words of comfort will snap fintan out of it quickly. & hope that he doesn’t catch anything on fire because fintan we just bought this blanket please don’t end up burning it like you did with the previous one last week.

& bronte has nightmares less often but fintan has learned to comfort him in similar ways (at least he isn’t a pyrokinetic)

(12) 11. Do either try to hide their emotions if upset? Can the other still tell?

yes and yes. they know each other too well to be able to hide their emotions from one another. doesn’t mean they won’t try though.

13. Who's the bigger tease?

fintan for SURE

(22) 23. Who's more likely to convince the other to stay in bed come morning?

probably fintan? i imagine bronte as someone who wakes up early in the morning (even if he doesn’t have work to do. but he usually does because he’s kind of a workaholic i think.) and fintan as someone who stays up the whole night, so fintan would probably still be tired in bed wanting the warmth of another person beside him (he does wake up early if he has important neverseen stuff to do though). & if you’re sleeping in a bed with a pyrokinetic it’s all too easy to let them convince you to lay down for a few more minutes because mmmm warm cozy.

25. Do they have any hobbies they share?

they would both be book nerds i think…. they like reading & discussing literature & stuff. i think they’d also be good at debating. & public speaking too.

sometimes bronte might come out & help fintan with his garden if he’s feeling nice

27. Who is the light weight that needs to be taken care of after a party?

honestly idrk. i don’t think either of them would be lightweights but fintan would probably drink more irresponsibly (especially after the pyrokinesis ban. man was going through it.)

29. Who is more likely to jump in an elevator? Who freaks out?

i think fintan would just to freak bronte out. but idk how many elevators they have in the lost cities. if they ever went to the forbidden cities together though he would definitely do this. ‘stop that, you know how faulty these human contraptions can be.’ ‘if it does fall we can just levitate, it’s fine.’ ‘???’

34. Who's more likely to tell a dirty joke or story to make the other blush?

also fintan. making bronte blush is his favorite pastime (other than arson)

36. Who's more likely to fire up the stove at 2am because the other woke up in the middle of the night hungry?

neither of them tbh. the convo would just be like ‘hmmm. i’m kinda hungry’ ‘go make some food then’ ‘will you make it for me’ ‘no *goes back to sleep*’ i think fintan would be worse at using the stove though. he is too used to using his ability to heat things and doesn’t know how to work it properly

48. Who's the better driver?

well considering they’re both elves i’d assume they’re both pretty bad at driving… but fintan might be slightly better because he’s probably spent more time in the (modern) forbidden cities. but at the same time he might run a few people over on purpose.

51. What's a non verbal way they say I love you?

basically any soft touches, caresses, etc. bronte will sometimes trace his fingers along the burn scars on fintan’s back, which to fintan is like. the most intimate thing ever 💀 & fintan might kiss the tense spot under bronte’s ribs where he keeps his emotions balled up. whatever. they suck and i hate them.

58. Who's more likely to hold a grudge after an argument?

both of them. though i think fintan is more likely to hold his grudges for longer

[captain-mj]

I love you stuff it’s all so good!

Would you be willing to do a graves x price where price finally finds Shepard and graves is there too so Shepard thinks it’s 2v1 with graves on his side but nah bc price treats graves right? Only if you want to! No rush or pressure just an idea.

Have a great New Years and save travels (if ur traveling lol) <3

This happened right after this post because I love continuity. Also happy New Years!

~~~~

Price woke up and felt a weight on him immediately. He relaxed when he saw the soft blond hair, slightly singed on the ends from the fire. 

Graves’s head was on his chest, holding him loosely around his waist. He was a quiet sleeper and luckily didn’t drool on him. When sleeping, he looked angelic. Not at all the little bastard Price knew him to be. 

With a sigh, because fuck he did not want to deal with his team right now, he pulled himself out of Graves’s embrace. Hickeys. Bites. Handprints. It looked like Graves had been in and lost a fight. Every inch of his back and his thighs had some marking on them.

Price couldn’t tell if he felt a bit guilty or proud of that. 

Graves didn’t wake up, so he left quietly. He turned around and...

“Did you guys wait here all night?”

“Ghost has been lying and saying things and we just want you to confirm them.” Gaz stood up tall. “Did you.... yo.... did you...”

“Did you fuck Graves?” Soap looked exhausted. His accent coming out thick. “Ghost is saying with his super hero,” Simon rolled his eyes, “he could hear you guys. I said, based on the screams, it was clear you were torturing him for information.”

“No. We fucked. I feel bad for all of you guy’s partners.” Price brushed past them. “We’re not talking about this right now though, we need to deal with Shepherd.”

Ghost fell into step beside him, forcing everyone else to walk behind him thanks to how narrow the hallways were. Alejandro was cursing a bit, but no one pushed, letting him start the meeting.

“Graves told me where Shepherd is, along with how many men he probably has. Apparently we killed quite a bit more than we thought. The shadows are down half their men.”

“And he told you during pillow talk or something?” Rodolfo crossed his arms. 

“No. You don’t want to know. So anyway, as I was saying.” He moved right on by that, going over everything he knew. 

“Will be heading to the coordinates at 0200. Should be dark which will cover our tracks.”

They all stared at him.

“I will give you five minutes to ask him a couple of questions.”

“Why?”

“He’s hot. Next questions.”

“He’s a bad guy.”

“Not a question, but he had proof Shepherd was keeping things from him. He wasn’t aware of a lot of things going on.”

“Will he be staying?”

“Don’t know. He is a war criminal but we’re all war criminals. Trying to figure that out.”

“Does this make him the team’s stepdad?” Ghost asked, clearly trying not to laugh.

“Yes. Anyway that’s enough questions.” Price answered as seriously as he could, watching everyone start to panic.

He left the room and went straight back to his bedroom. It would be smart to try to sleep some more, but the idea made him restless. Insomnia and sleep deprivation were just part of the job. 

Graves had woken up, still in just Price’s shirt. He only moved when Price came in.

“Wasn’t sure if I should leave the bed.” He looked up at him, eyes soft and lips almost pouting.

“I’m sorry for last night.”

“Oh, its fine I deserved it.” Graves rushed to reassure him, still desperate for forgiveness. His hands were on Price’s chest and he looked so damn soft.

“Not the sex part.” Price laughed a little, patting his face. He saw Graves visibly relax. “I didn’t take care of you afterwards. I’m better than that. Lot of those bites need to be attended to.” 

“It’s fine. Usually fix myself up anyway. Just... couldn’t walk last night to do it.” Graves looked a bit flustered.

Price shook his head and helped him up, noticing how bad the limp was. He helped him to the bathroom and started to disinfect anything that needed it. Graves didn’t have any bruising on his face, but around his throat, it was rather bad. Price could make out each of his own fingers from where he had choked him. He touched it gently.

“It’s fine. Don’t worry. Doesn’t hurt to breath or swallow. Already tested it.” 

Price nodded and helped him get some pants on. Graves almost melted into the contact, pressing against his hands. He was a bit like a cat, needing all the affection he could get. 

“Did I hurt you last night?” Price mumbled, pulling him to his chest. Graves looked surprised.

“Sir, I’ve handled being tortured. I can handle being slapped around during sex.”

“Yes, but did I hurt you?”

Graves frowned, thinking over what he was saying. “I agreed to everything, Ca- John. I... wanted anything from you I could get...” He sounded small, gently fixing Price’s shirt where it had gotten wrinkled. “What do you want from me, sir? I don’t regret any of it. Would go through it again if it meant I could have this morning. I... enjoyed a lot of it. It was a bit more than I usually handle in one night, but the majority of it is stuff I do.”

Price accepted that. 

The majority of the day was spent with Graves telling him anything he thought could be useful. Every habit of every guard he could think of. What he thought the schedules would be. Everything. 

Price thanked him. “You’re obviously staying here.”

“i could help.” 

“Phillip. No one here trusts you.”

Graves stared at him for a moment. “Except you, right? You trust me?” 

Price sighed. “To an extent.” Graves was careful. Didn’t show any outward sign of being upset, even though Price could tell he was.

“Understood.”

~~~~

Yeah, it surprised absolutely no one that Graves found a way to get there. Price cursed himself for not being more careful. Maybe he should’ve tied him up before they left. 

Regardless, he had his gun trained on Shepherd and Shepherds on him. They both looked at Graves and Price felt his stomach sinking. 

He should’ve killed him. 

Shepherd smiled. “Go ahead, John. Put the gun down. You’re outnumbered.”

Graves pulled the hammer back on his gun, but it was aimed at the General. His hands shook slightly, but he stood still.

“You’re a fucking asshole.” He hissed out. “You’re the one that’s outnumbered.”

Price stared at Graves, almost forgetting he was in a standoff. 

“What? Commander, get your head out of your ass.”

“Shut up. Shut. Up.” Graves stiffened. “I’m not a Commander anymore. Thanks to you. Thanks to what you did, I lost half my people.”

“Casualties happen.”

“You don’t set kindling on fire and act surprised when it burns. You sent us all there to die.” Graves was bordering on hysterics, hands shaking harder. Price kept his gun steady for the both of them, waiting. Just waiting for the moment. 

Shepherd went to point his gun at Graves and Price shot straight through him, putting several rounds in his chest. 

Graves backed up a step, watching the General crumble. He let out a soft breath. 

“I wanted to help take him down. Wanted... for my men, ya know?”

Price went straight for him, pulling him close. He hugged him tight, probably too tight. 

“Hey... I’m okay, Captain.” Graves looked up at him. “I’m fine.”

Price nodded, still holding him rather close. “If they ask, you shot him. Okay?”

‘What? Why?”

“Builds trust.”

[scionshtola]

do you have any favorite parts from The AU you want to share? 👀

seeing this ask made me go write more of The AU so i had more things to choose from which is why it has taken so long adsjf but ty for asking beloved 🥰 i do have a few favorite parts to share! I'm putting it under a cut bc i am long winded. and chose 4 parts. also just a warning the last one is nsfw🧍but the first 3 are not!

most of what I have written so far is shtola suffering at Cori and Haurche's engagement party, so here is a little bit of that

When she had escaped the happy couple, Y’shtola strode directly to the table of artfully stacked glasses of champagne. She plucked one by the stem and was deciding whether it would be improper to down the whole thing at once, if no one saw her, when someone beside her said, “They certainly make a picturesque pair, do they not?” How often had she heard that same sentiment throughout the night? If she never heard those words again, ‘twould be too soon. Yet she could not doubt the words either. Though the details were difficult to decipher by aether alone, she could see the flattering cut of Corisande’s dress, the long sleeves trimmed in lace and the floor length skirt that swirled about their legs as they danced. Silver blue, Tataru had informed her with an annoyingly dreamy sigh, to match Haurchefant’s eyes. Y’shtola could picture it all in her mind with an irritating clarity—the icy blue of their dress against their cool brown skin, wine-red hair braided into a crown ribboned with pink, mismatched green eyes alight as they greeted their guests. The man himself cut a dashing figure at their side as they moved through the party together, the two of them effortlessly kind and endearing, and endlessly besotted. Picturesque hardly began to describe it.  “They certainly do,” Y’shtola said, and tipped her glass, swallowing half of the contents at once.

personally I am v amused by the detail Shtola goes into about Cori and then is just like 'Haurche is there too.'

also am fond of this convo with Artoirel where he and Shtola are sort of talking past each other/about different things but she doesn't know what it is he means

Artoirel failed to stifle his scoff. “His favored child caught the heart and the hand of the Champion of Eorzea. Any parent would be pleased with the status that affords them by association, would they not?” “I don’t see any reason their title should matter, aside from as a testament to their character.” Y’shtola did not care for the direction this conversation was taking, nor for the tone he was taking regarding Corisande.  “Haurchefant certainly thinks much of it, as does my father,” Artoirel answers, an edge underlying his words. Y’shtola narrowed her eyes, but before she could press the matter, he continued, in the same dry tone as earlier. “The arrangement is to Corisande’s benefit as well, at least when it comes to their ventures in Ishgard. It is no small thing to marry a Count’s son.” “Corisande and Haurchefant are in love,” Y’shtola said neutrally, though the words hurt her to speak. She could not discern the reason for his obvious disdain of the engagement, but Corisande was the most genuine person she knew, and she would not let him suggest there were any ulterior motives where she knew there to be none. “I can assure you she does not care for any benefits a title may bring.

and a little bit of friendly flirting conversation

Even the words she spoke kindled something warm in Y’shtola’s chest. They were looking for her.  “Did you need something?” “Only the pleasure of your company,” Corisande answered sincerely, and offered Y’shtola her arm. Y’shtola did not hesitate to take it, and Corisande began to guide them through the crowd. “I have hardly seen you all night, though I’d hoped to find you earlier. Pray tell me you don’t feel I’ve made you fend for yourself against the Ishgardian nobility.” Y’shtola leaned against Corisande as they walked—as much as she could, anyway, with the difference in their height. “I do not feel abandoned. Not by you, at any rate. Tataru and Alphinaud, on the other hand, left me behind without a second thought, and shall be hearing from me later.” “Do not tell me you have been completely alone all night,” Corisande said with a laugh. “I fear that shall only make me more keen to make it up to you.” “Worry not, there has been no shortage of people to converse with,” Y’shtola answered, pleased by the teasing tone they had taken, and ignoring the hopeful skip of her heartbeat. What was there to hope for? “Though I shall happily play the part of the woefully abandoned, if only to know how you intended to make it up to me.”

okay LAST ONE!!! and this one is uh. smut. so. stop here if u do not want to read that ladsjf from the first time they sleep together

She breaks away from their mouth and kisses their neck, spurred on by the soft noises each one draws forth. Corisande is pliant beneath her lips and her hands, going easily when she guides them onto their back with a gentle touch. It’s only when she has pressed kisses halfway down their chest that she truly appreciates the deep-V neckline of their nightgown, and something clicks in the back of her mind. Her hand traces the fine lace of their neckline, following it down the valley between their breasts until she meets the small bow tied beneath them. ‘Twas not unusual for Corisande to dress in lace trimmed clothing, nor was it an exaggeration to say half their wardrobe was composed of short skirts and dresses. But the combination of clothing choice and the hour at which she had shown up to Y’shtola’s door made a compelling case for her suspicions. Y’shtola plucks at their gown. “Did you wear this for my sake?” “Yes,” they admit, slightly breathless. “You are aware that the finer visual details are rather lost on me, yes?”  she traces the lace detailing over their chest again, pleased by the shake in their voice when they answer. “I admit when I came here tonight I was rather hoping for a t—“ their breath hitches when Y’shtola cups their breast, savoring the cool silk of their gown under her hand. “A tactile experience.” Y’shtola laughs, though she cannot help but be pleased by the confirmation of what she already knows. Corisande wants her, they made an effort for her.  She slips her hand back under their gown, past the waist of their underwear. “‘Tis fortunate, then, that I am happy to oblige.”

[daryldixonsjizzrag]

An angsty little drabble ab my oc bc I'm feeling depressed as fuck 👍 (send help I'm literally sleeping in my school clothes so that I don't have to get dressed tomorrow morning)

Warnings: prior drug use (heroin), prior self-harm, a whole lotta angst, really crappy writing that's meant to be read slowly, daryl being season 1-3 teenage angst daryl at the start

Pairing: Daryl Dixon and Original female character (my girl Tallulah :) )

❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

"What the fuck is this?" Daryl stormed into Tallulah's room from her bathroom, holding up a needle and bloody bandages. "I was just tryna take a piss and I see these!" He shoved them closer to her, eyeing down the track marks on her forearm. No wonder she's been wearing long sleeves lately.

"It's not your business" She said quietly. She knew he'd find them, not that she intended for him to. She was in a near catatonic state as his voice drowned out into the background, merging with all the other sounds, like the air conditioner whirring for example.

"But it is. Tell me what you did." He pushed, clearly pissed. Breaking out in a sweat, Tallulah turned the air conditioner up. She felt so numb that even crying didn't feel like an option.

"Isn't it obvious? I shot my veins with heroin and took a blade to my arm. It's the usual. You already know I've done it before. Fuck, you've seen the scars and track marks. I don't even know why you're surprised" She ranted, biting her cheek when she finished. "Now just chuck those away. I don't wanna see em"

"When did ya do it?" He asked, a softer side coming on. The question made that pit form in her stomach, the one she felt like she could fall in. The one that made her feel a little too human for comfort.

She bit her lip and huffed her answer. "Last night." She was being blunt, but at least she was honest. A tear threatened to fall. If only she could just push it back into her eye, but that was impossible. She made herself smaller, tucking her legs up to her chest and hugging her knees.

Daryl noticed and tossed the used needle and bandages in the bin. "Why?" He asked gently, gliding his hand by her lower back. He hated touch, but he knew she needed it.

"... because I missed it" She murmured. He never really understood, but he had experience with marijuana. He understood the feeling, in his own way.

The silence afterwards wasn't particularly comfortable nor awkward, but it wasn't very inviting either. All she could do was hope that this didn't change things. Being honest was the best choice, so she spoke up.

"Can you tell Rick? I just... feel like he should know..." She said, her voice hardly even a murmur. She studied and watched her fingers, wondering how they moved and how she could do whatever she wanted with them, feeling detached.

"Yeah, I can. You uhh... need anything?" He asked awkwardly, holding the edge of the bed where the seam of the mattress was as he adjusted himself.

"Just some water. My mouth is dry" She knew why it was dry. Of course, the drugs, but her smoking had gone completely out of control. Only she kept it secretive, not wanting to hurt Carl or Sophia, or anyone else for that matter.

"Sure."

More deathly silence filled when he left with the trash can that contained the needle and bandages. She didn't know what to think. She was, of course, sad, but in a way she felt embarrassed.

Daryls footsteps entered the room, and he had some tap water in a glass. "Sorry it doesn't have any ice" He apologised, though there was no need to.

"Don't worry about it" Tallulah noted, taking the glass of water and spilling a little in the process. She stared at the puddle, processing what happened for a moment before she drank, her head going a little too far back, making water dribble from the corners of her mouth and onto her shirt.

She felt the need to apologise, but didn't anyway. It wasn't needed. She handed him the glass and layed down, sprawled out on the bed. The hangover was horrible. The pounding headache, the sickness, the hot flushes, everything about it made her want to die, in a mostly figurative sense.

"I'll go" Daryl made way for the door, hesitating about a yard away from it. He forced himself to leave, ignoring the pull she had on his heartstrings, not wanting to bother her. He knew he'd come back later, though. That was inevitable.

[toxicanonymity]

Are you still working through requests of are you pretty much caught up on them?

Far, far from caught up. I'm fortunate and very grateful to have such a large, highly-engaged community here. I don't think there's ever going to be a "caught up" state for this blog since each answer begets more asks, which is amazing.  The link below from my header addresses why I don't plan on closing my ask box to catch up.  I appreciate y'all understanding and rolling with how I do things kinda differently.

About requests

Basically I float around in a growing pool of our combined ideas and kinda do what flows. I think that provides the most bang for our buck in terms of effort/time to quality/output. This can look a lot of different ways, examples: 

Lazaretto - The sex pollen ask was from late March and I liked the concept but started to think the moment might never strike until I got inspired by jack white's song a few wks ago. 

Tommy's hard day (MFM) - I had tommy x reader x Joel asks since early April and finally did one last wk based on continued popular demand. 

Aches - I think this ask was just submitted a day or two before I wrote it, same with the original free use and the ask that led to stepdad!Joel. I was in a good headspace for those despite having older ones in my box.

Movie night - I think I wrote movie night like same day bc it went so well with my thots at the time.

grisly details below

When I say far from it, I mean triple digits, bearing in mind some are similar and many are joelkemon-specific (50+ between night walks and raider?). Sometimes those don't fit the current storyline/direction or not yet. For example, stepdad sleeping with your mom (see post mortem below lol), pregnancy scare with stepdad, or night walks being a peeping tom again. But I hang onto those for future consideration (the Tim Rockford murder board is real).

Since there are so many in this bucket I tried answering a couple of them as "hypotheticals" and ended up with like 10-15 asks over the next couple of days reading those as canon lol (affectionate - LOVE the enthusiasm, curiosity, and ideas). This would be easy to roll with if it was a small detail instead of whether they're even on speaking terms, or if I hadn't already started the next parts of the story and could just "skip ahead," but I did that to myself. Anyway funny thing is I would have gotten there (/will get there) just not yet at the time so it kind of reinforces my mindset of not wanting to sacrifice quality/flow to catch up.

I'm really grateful to everyone who shares ideas and asks, y'all really make this blog (I think y'all know that though).

That being said, I am due for an inbox clean-up and may need to pass on certain general ones (not Joelkemon specific). Idk if it would be a faux pas but I could possibly see if other writers want to do certain ones i can't (ex: stuff I'm not familiar with like A/B/O).

[capcollector]

Tell us about the first kiss please? (oh I love the first kisses)

the first kisses…..this got so much longer than i thought it would so i’m putting it under a cut. bunny and deacon have taken over my brain😔

are we talking on the lips or just in general. bc if we’re talking the latter, it happened after deacon confided in her about his past. it was several days before she was gonna be sent to the institute for the first time, and the two of them were scavenging for more parts. it’d been eating away at deacon for awhile atp, so once they’re in a relatively safe and quiet place, he stops her and asks her to listen. they don’t even know if sending her to the institute like this will even work. this could be one of the last moments he has w her. so he bares his soul to her in that moment, the two only illuminated by the light of her pip-boy. it’s a lot to take in, and she’s hesitant to believe parts of his story (imo i think parts were a complete lie but others….had a grain of truth to them), but regardless she lets him know she appreciates him telling her. she can tell the parts of his story about barbara in particular seem to be weighing on him heavily. even though he says he’s not the hugging type, she goes in anyway. he needs it. she gives him a chaste kiss on the cheek and tells him that she truly is sorry. as they pull away he gives her a sad smile and says they should probably get moving.

the first kiss on the lips tho….i think this happened after the institute was destroyed. you can’t tell me there wasn’t at least a lil get-together/party w all the companions and associates afterwards. i did not convert the roof of the red rocket into a patio area w chairs and a bar and a radio for nothing…

but i think during the party, bunny wanders off for a bit. back in the day, pre-war, she was the life of every party, happily chatting and drinking well into the early hours. but this isn’t like those. she’s glad, yes, but there is still this terribly bittersweet edge to it all. only she knows the truth. so she just sits on the edge of the stairs leading back to the ground, looking out at the woods and stars ahead. a familiar pair of footsteps walks over and sits down beside her. deacon jokes like he always does, saying he was wondering where their hero went. the party’s still going strong, after all. she smiles—grimaces, really—she wants to respond w a joke but she’s not sure she has it in her. she tells him that this isn’t what she thought her life would be. obvious, maybe, but how was she supposed to prepare for it being this different? in much the same way he talked to her that night, she speaks to him frankly and genuinely. she tells him that she was a famous model pre-war, and after a whirlwind romance w a man she truthfully didn’t even consider a friend resulted in a sudden marriage and baby, she felt like her life was put on hold. she couldn’t be herself anymore. but then she woke up and got this freedom she thought she’d never have again. and that, when she got to the institute, there was no relief. but it was over now. the commonwealth is safe. she can lead the charge on a brand new day. freedom. for herself, for everyone. did she not get what she wanted? why does it feel this way? it’s the first time deacon has seen her cry. it’s a foreign feeling, to see someone he admires so much be so wholly vulnerable like this.

as they sit on the stairs, he pulls her into an unexpected hug. consider it returning the favor. he doesn’t have all the answers for her, not that she really expected he did. he doesn’t know what really happened in the institute when bunny was in there—and for a brief moment bunny considers telling him then and there, the things she learned, but ultimately decides not to. but regardless, there’s a whole lot of ppl out there right now who need her. he knows she will do the right thing. he tells her that he’ll always be in her corner, that he will always be there, that she’s the first person he’s sincerely come to care about this deeply in a long time. and that’s the truth. she pulls away slightly to look up at him. there’s a pause as they just look at each other for a minute before closing the space between them in a kiss. the sounds of the party fade away as they sit on those steps and hold each other like this. eventually the kiss breaks apart, and after a nervous beat bunny wipes her eyes and says that another drink sounds good. she doesn’t wanna miss more of the party. deacon agrees.

she’s the first to stand up and start walking back up the steps. she stops halfway and turns around. she smiles, and says thank you.

[notveryshrugemoji]

lol, the last 24 hours have been wild and this is exactly the place I want to document it. Love processing my thoughts and feelings here hahaha

Yesterday I was working and started feeling, off. Nothing major, just didn’t feel good. I was clammy, my heart was racing, my chest and upper back between my shoulder blades felt tight. At times I felt like I needed to gasp or take a big breath in to feel like I was filling my lungs? Does that make sense?! So I took my blood pressure 3 times, both arms. Numbers: 145/99, 145/105, 140/95 with my HR 95-105 each reading.

Naturally, I gaslit myself into thinking I was having an asthma attack. So I called my mom and she was like “lol maybe call the nurse hotline about that” so I did and THEY were like “BITCH GO TO THE HOSPITAL” so I left work and went to the hospital lol. (Important to note here: I have had unexplained high BP since I was a teenager that is managed with meds).

ER saw me basically immediately due to the chest pain but they didn’t have a bed for me so I was just kinda sitting in a chair for a while lol. They did blood work, blood cultures, an X-ray of my chest and an ecg. Basically all of it came back clear. I saw a Student Dr first and she listened to my chest and then left pretty abruptly afterword, both drs came back and listened, NODDED TO EACH OTHER and confirmed “yes what you heard is correct”. Like okay, pls say more immediately, thanks! They ask me if I’ve ever been diagnosed with a heart murmur (no), then tell me they hear a murmur and want an ekg done (booked for Monday). And then they SENT ME HOME lol. Chest pain, elevated BP, etc. still happening. They were very thorough, i just kind of feel like I wasn’t given a real plan for the next couple of days? The symptoms are still there, so like do I go back if they get worse? How much worse does it need to get? This is partially my fault for not pushing harder to get those answers but I don’t think they really had anything at that point, realistically.

So I slept a couple of hours last night and woke up early today feeling the same way. I called my GP’s office and booked an appointment for Monday and let them know what happened yesterday. They said he’ll likely call me this evening bc he’s on call at the hospital. I went and got a couple of groceries, exhaustinggggg. I had to sit on my bottom stair when I got home and catch my breath lol. So things are basically the same as yesterday EXCEPT I can’t help but feel like “I don’t feel good” - like I feel like I have a cold. And then I’m thinking, what if it’s COVID? Im assuming my bloodwork didn’t show any red flags and that’s why they didn’t test. I asked my friend to grab me a couple of rapid tests just for shits though. More info is good at this point.

A lot of thoughts, top of the list is that I don’t think I have asthma and neither does the er doctor. I told him I almost didn’t go to the hospital bc I felt like I was overreacting about an asthma attack - because this is what an asthma attack feels like, right? And the answer is nooo, so have I just had an undiagnosed heart murmur for this long? It feels like that’s impossible hahahaha I have so much shit wrong with me surely someone would have heard it by now.

Anyway, I’m playing the new h*gwarts game on switch and gonna sleep as much as possible today. Eat, then sleep.