#anyways i didnt take many breaks from it bc i would feel bad if i ditched it to go back to the story so i just wanted to

[waywardsalt]

I finally finished Bidoof’s Wish. Only took a few hours

[taeiris]

okay guys here’s my crazy unsupported st5 theory that is mostly just me projecting my need for madwheeler bonding and drama and angst also byler duh

disclaimers: i never make theories so this is extremely messy probably, i know jack dookie abt writing shows i think of this as my own little version of what i would think would be very cool to happen, if this has loop holes dont ask me anything bc idk either

OKAY LETS GET ON IT

so first things first here is what i am taking into consideration for the theory to happen:

• mike pov, self reflection and introspection (he is gay and in love with will byers okay)

• madwheeler bonding, theyre both complex n misunderstood

• the upside down isnt just one dimension, i came up with this bc of how different the ud looks now

compared to when henry arrived.

to me theres like an umbrella dimension (yellow one) and others under it (blue one/hawkins ud, the void, etc)

this is also lowkey supported by the silly boobie diagram the writers posted abt

OKAY PREPARE FOR THE WORD VOMIT

in this silly theory of mine, a new dimension variant of the ud will be revealed in season 5, serving as a parallel to the void. this is where max is

OKAY another thing is this is also heavily based on those “leaks” that were going around twitter (for me at least) earlier when the strike first started. i remember a few of them claiming that we would get a deeper insight into mike and his own things, so this is my interpretation

this would serve as another vanishing, not really bc its shorter, but this time mike will be getting stuck in this other dimension, eventually finding max BOOM madwheeler serve

i mean look at them. the potential is insane

ANYWAYS

this dimension is like a combo of all the other ones, picture it like the hawkins ud, with the void’s wet floor maybe

lets go back to the fact max is here, this is her coma nightmare, its like this purgatory dimension vecna put her soul in

in this dimension inhabit your ghosts

this overwhelming, haunting, tormenting realm in your mind where you are constantly confronting all your bad memories, maybe this is kind of how vecna keeps max under his grasp, no happy memories allowed

okay so, mike gets there. how? when? i dont fucking know this is honestly just word vomit fanfiction to me

at first hes confused, scared but mostly confused, picture him screaming for wills name (the parallels) at first it’s empty and eerily quiet, but as he accepts it, the ghosts start coming in.

he gets BOMBARDED with these bad memories, some of them he cant even remember because come on, bro is always neglecting his internalized feelings/monologue in fear of what they say about him

this is where we get his pov on the whole will and eleven situation, amongst other things (like the way he’s constantly stressed thinking about the safety of the people he loves)

for a moment we see him break, bc these ghosts are LOUD and MANY

but it stops

max is here, she’s like “MIKE?”

“MAX?”

shes been here for a fat minute, she knows how to handle these ghosts in fact shes been going thru them one by one ever since, because shes done hiding. and she suspects that the only way to get out is by confronting them.

max saves mike from his ghosts, explains that this place is seemingly a purgatory with levels of memories and ghosts to overcome

this is how we get our madwheeler bonding we so graciously need, as they are part of eachother ghosts since theyre so similar it makes the other mad

this is how our complex misunderstood characters are broken down, explained to the audience, while also discovering the mystery that is this new dimension where at the finish line they might just figure out how to defeat vecna.

because they will

after overcoming the ghosts they find the place that vecna didnt think they would reach as he was so sure they would break and collapse on their own madness

think of it as how el found the source in season 3

or how max found vecnas lair after running away in dear billy

except this place is vecnas actual mind, they can see hear and feel what vecna is thinking, his plans and everything

mike wonders how will feels being able to feel this all the time

will feels this all the time

will is always connected to this piece of vecnas mind, to this source

he can always hear vecna

until he suddenly hears max… and mike and theyre calling for help

theyve figured out key clues on how to defeat vecna, and they have an idea on how to get out. this is how will’s connection comes in handy

mind walkie-talkie

maybe thats what this theory should be called, idk

-

so thats how we get our byler confirmation, madwheeler bonding like never before, mike focus, and the key to defeat vecna

at least in my head

i know this was messy and all over the place but it was very fun to explain and drop all my thoughts ive been vomiting on the gc for months now

let me know what you think, what you would add, if theres anything you think will support this theory?

its all just a theory, for fun! pls keep that in mind

thank you if you’ve read this far🫶

[eddiegettingshot]

Unless there is some huge shift in the way their story is told on screen in s8 I would be shocked if tommy isnt bones by midseason. My personal hope is they have some sort of job related disagreement during the season opening disaster and we get it done quick ana style but part of me thinks its more likely they’ll have some sort of arc leading to a break up because I think theyve established tommy and bucktommy just enough that off screen bones wont really work but also they have not developed bucktommy enough for them to have an actual reason to break up like we can read the subtext but buck is not thinking “he didnt come in costume to my costume party… we have to break up” bc no real person would think that 😭

yeah like ok we can only have this discussion so many times so i don't want to totally open up the can of worms BUT like. to an extent if you want to wave off the complete lack of development and screen time as "they're taking it slow and getting to know each other" (which is like... something you can actually SHOW. on screen! taking it slow doesn't mean we never see them interacting 😭) that's... fine. but the way i see it, buck is a main, his sexuality arc is major, and his romantic life has been at the forefront of his character from day one. if we're talking about an endgame for him, that endgame should not have shown up in 7x03 and remained virtually insignificant by 7x10. at this point you could stick another guy in tommy's place and pretty much nothing would change; his presence as a character has very little bearing on the plot after the cruise arc, or on buck specifically (buck could be kissing literally any guy and nothing would be different, but it's not like the same could be said had he been kissing someone other than taylor).

so when i say it feels like he's getting one step above the marisol treatment, i really mean it. like, all the way up until 7x07 people were willing to believe she and eddie would stay together, even though with each passing episode we were waiting for her to show any kind of independent motivation or development and got nothing. waiting 8 episodes post-introduction and for a new season to start really developing a relationship would be absolutely INSANE and like next-level bad writing, and as much as i hate what tim did in s7 i do think he gives more of a shit about buck than that lol. anyway point is that i think the options are (1) they break up and it's just a blip like tommy gets a job somewhere and buck's like oh damn that sucks. this was fun (2) they break up and it's about eddie (3) they break up and it's about the job/gerrard (4) they break up because one of them fucks up. i also suspect that the breakup arc will be the only arc they get and much like with eddisol their relationship will just kind of exist in the background until it comes time for it to be over lol (unless tommy needs to be a mouthpiece for something).

but also i could be wrong and they could elope i guess 🤷🏾‍♀️ i just kinda think tim is better than this lol and i also think he IS telling the story he wants to tell judging by the amount of screen time buck had with Some Other Guy in s7. so i don't think anyone needs to be worried lol

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HIII THABK U FOR THE TRIVIA AND ASHE SONG before i take forever 2 answer those or forget here is a blank ticket to please please talk about prime defenders and their AWFUL emotional literacy and processing skills i would literally love to read that essay so much ive also been thinking about it incessantly. big eyes staring up at u.png. ok ok peace out GOODNIGHT !!!! <33

i lied actually im not going to bed im judt thinking about this ans listening to St. John on a loop now. hello catkiss.gif i forgot how youve filled me with so much joy. that cat is so fuckign cute

anyway. hi :) prime defenders huh. this is gonna be less of an essay and more of a sleepy ramble but ohhh i have so many thoughts. they all process things so differently and none of them are good at it they all need therapy so bad. ms.g where is the hero therapy why didnt you build that into w.a.t.c.h ma'am

vyncent is probably the best at actually processing things out of all of them, he just internalizes everything to the point where he wont talk about it unless hes pushed past the breaking point. vyncent is actually very.. emotionally intelligent? i want to say mature but that feels like im singling him out because hes the oldest. i just feel like because he grew up on Fauna and had to be in basically survival mode in a world full of monsters trying to kill you.. that makes a person grow up quicker than they should. i think vyncent had a good childhood and for the most part his parents took good care of him but just.. living in that world doesnt seem like it leaves room for a whole lot of expressing emotions. vyncent is good at quick analysis of a situation, but unless a problem directly interferes with the current goal he doesnt externalize it to everyone else. but bottling up his feelings and emotions just builds up pressure over time until something like the lich makes him blow up and let it all out at once, usually in a dramatic monologue format bc condi is really good at those god damn it. also they played off the fact that vyncent said all of that to the lich and then missed his attack as a funny thing but i like to think of it as. he got too overwhelmed w his emotions and lashed out too soon it made his fighting messy. vyncent is so angry and honestly after what hes been through he deserves to be !!!!

william wisp. my boy. god hes just like me fr so much so that it physically hurts sometimes. anyway. i always think back to the scene where theyre all in the cabin talking about themselves/sharing backstories and william keeps desperately trying not to talk about himself. the fact that hes so ashamed of his powers he hides wisp form every time. two of his powers are LITERALLY a) turning invisible and b) turning intangible, usually as an excuse to leave whatever situation hes in ("accidentally" falling through the floor at opportune moments in season 1) . theres. a thing that happens at the end of episode 13/beginning of epidode 14 that youre really close to and i wont spoil yet but god it has to do with this so extremely much please come back to my inbox when you get there. youll know what it is trust me. um. yeah. so anyway. i think a lot of this comes from a place of. he doesnt want anyone to be scared of him. williams not stupid hes incredibly smart and insightful he knows his powers are objectively SCARY. hes scared of himself constantly, he doesnt want anyone else to feel that way about him, so he shifts focus whenever those aspects of himself are brought up because if someone were to think about it for any amount of time theyd realize the truth that hes scary and dangerous to be around (<< william logic. hey remember how one of the reasons he originally left deadwood was because the monsters there were attracted to the wisps and therefore Him so he left to keep his friends/family out of danger)

i think a lot about williams death and the immediate aftermath, i dont know how much you actually know and how much of this comes later but . how does he go home after waking up from that. his parents know about his powers, so they MUST know what happened. what do you think he told them when he god home muddy and dirty and broken and probably bloody after being missing for. god knows how long. how does he look his mother in the eyes and tell her her little boy is dead. but hes also not because hes standing right in front of her. how the fuck do you think he felt the first time he went into wisp form and saw his body laying there !!! of course he wouldnt want to talk about that!!!! youre gonna have to pry william wisps emotions from his cold dead hands !!!!!!!

dakota's response to the ashe situation was to run away in the woods and do nothing but train for 10 months. he didnt think about it for 10 months. i dont even have a whole lot to say about dakota other than like. stunned silence whenever his inability to process trauma is brought up because grizzly does such an incredible job at being like "you ask dakota how hes doing and his face is just blank" << paraphrased actual quote from an episode i cannot remember which one. either 11 or 12 ?

also because im thinking about him im including ashe in this. we didnt get to see a whole lot of his canon reactions to extreme emotional situations so a lot of this is just coming from My Mind but ashe seems like hed be the type to repress a lot of his emotions too. being alone in your house/in your room for extended periods of time will do that to a guy. i think he feels a lot of things and will probably very openly cry/scream/get angry when hes alone but as soon as he knows another person is there he can immediately flip the switch to turn it all off like nothing happened. very much a deadpan "im fine." if someone asks how hes doing, even if hes got like. the remainder of tear tracks down his face. cannot physically express his emotions in the presence of someone else

[qwizzers]

so i just found your youtube channel like a few minutes ago and I really enjoyed your video talking about different types of social media and your own personal experience/opinions on them because ive been bouncing back and forth between social medias. I personally miss the old twitter and instagram format but ever since instagram has been turned into a reel-obsessed platform it is very difficult to get reach there so i think twitter has been my most safest/casual posting experience for me. i felt like on instagram i had so much pressure to post reels and i never gave in but it was just super frustrating, sometimes really wanting to just completely leave it entirely, but for now i guess im trying to just post more. im not a tumblr user really but i had this tumblr acc ages ago so i decided to log back in just to message here, but i wanted to ask, if theres any way we can talk further abt this privately i would love to go more in depth ! i dont check tumblr often so im not even sure if you will ever answer this haha, or how i would know if you did or not, but i guess a question that also comes to mind is, how do you post without overthinking? i have so much art i make so many doodles and unfinished wips, and people post wips all the time ! and its like, i cannot bring myself to do that either... im scared of someone either tracing over my art/stealing my art /ocs and just im not sure i guess posting wips makes me not want to finish the art, but when i dont post often i often feel pressure to post fully rendered stuff and sometimes ! i just wanna post a cute furry oc with thigh socks is that so much to ask !!!!!!! XD,,, i kind of scare myself out of posting, but how do i make myself more comfortable with posting without worrying? i scare myself from doing anything haha, i WANT to be more active ! and i want to post more oc stuff and even fanart, but i always make excuses like "nah ill do that when i get better, or ill do it when the drawing is finished" and sometimes i dont even post finished sketches or art !!!!!! i will take any suggestions or anything, but im desperate to break this bad habit,,,, and also ! another question is, how do people code their toyhouse? i saw you explain it in the video a bit, and i recently just got my toyhouse to post oc stuff, but im not sure how people code their card.co, and toyhouse so if theres any sort of website or program or anything i can use to do this please let me know ! i really want to decorate my stuff more :3,,, anyways im not sure if you publically post these.... but if i can somehow post my discord somewhere so we can talk further please let me know !

okay, this ask was super sweet and i want to just say thank u bc it was a fun read :3 hopefully if you do see this response - i have a discord if you want to add me and talk, its qwizzers! i have a website (https://qwizz.carrd.co) and you can see all the sites that i use there so if you use any as well you can contact me there!

so my input on avoiding overthinking b4 you post is to start sharing your work in smaller places to build up your confidence! if you're worried about tracing/stealing, i don't want to say that's not a legitimate concern, bc it IS, however i will say it really doesn't happen too often! ive been around for years and i dont think ive...ever had anyone trace me, the most i've seen is heavy referencing and usually if you bring it to their attention, they instantly stop - when this happens i say it's 70% of the time just young kids that don't realize what theyre doing is wrong or didnt realize youd find out. you can also watermark your work! theres nothing wrong with watermarks, even if its just on a sketch! while it cant necessarily guard against tracers, it can guard against blatant theft. you dont necessarily have to post your work in progresses if doing so demotivates you; but you dont have to exclusively post fully rendered art, either. try to get into a habit of making doodles n more simple art in between your big pieces, and get into the swing of posting those! if you feel like you havent posted in a while, just make a quick doodle or something along those lines and share that! you can build up your confidence with posting online in general by starting small - you could start by sharing your art in discord servers or with your friends so you get more confident about sharing your work regularly. "ill do this when i'm good enough" is a SUPER detrimental train of thought...bc there will never be a point where you'll admit to yourself that you feel like you're ready. that's just a part of the artistic progression :') if you have that mindset, you'll ALWAYS have that mindset, and you'll never actually do the projects that you want to! if you think its outside your ability, it probably isnt really, and you should give it a go anyways! even if it doesnt look perfect or turn out exactly how you wanted it to, you'll probably still be happy in the end bc u gave it your best effort :]

heres my bit on toyhouse:

if you know how to code w html, all you have to do is press "edit profile" on a character and you can code directly into the big box field! if you're not seeing that, it has to do with your settings (which i can explain more in depth if need be) if you ARENT familiar w html, thats fine too! you can find a TON of free to use toyhouse code templates, and a lot of them even explain exactly how to use them! basically you can copy and paste their code for free into your character profile, and just change the text so it fits your character :3 i have a favorite folder for all the neat free to use codes i see, here's a link: https://toyhou.se/Qwizz/favorites/79962 *my toyhouse is kind of eyestrainy btw!) carrd is a seperate website: https://carrd.co you can make a carrd for free and its much more straightforward, you basically just drag text boxes/images in and customize the site how youd like :3

[thegeminisage]

im FINALLY playing zelda again and exploring gerudo town a bit...

YOOOO I CAN DRINK A NOBLE PURSUIT...LINK IS FINALLY 21...............

damn i didnt have to get my own ice or anything lol

tbh. i kind of liked it better when u could crossdress. pretty much EVERY npc has to go out of their way to make it weird that link is here? which i guess it is so it should be? but if we're talking about making him androgynous so anyone of any gender can enjoy playing him...this space reminds you constantly that you are a man. idk. is this less transphobic??? i'm not a trans woman so i can't like Speak On It but to me it feels like it's just a different flavor of bad. a better solution might be to let us cross dress if we wanted to but also still have access if we weren't. then there's no Evil Invasion of Women's Spaces By Predator stereotype but also u can be a girl as a treat if you like

but i have problems with this "girls-only" race of people having their entire culture and identity revolve around men anyway. whereas gorons are all boys and they don't think about gender at all. I Wonder Why That Is. nintendo wrote themselves into a problematic corner here and they're not going to get out of it by being cowards!!!

ANYWAY.

holy shit lol apparently gerudo sleep SUPER deeply and it contributes to them all being so tall and muscley <3 that explanation is such bullshit i fucking love it. and then they need less and less sleep as they get older...

man i wish that was me.

weird, it's still all purple and misty in the secret shop

oh my god SAND BOOT GUY IS STILL HERE???? he's hiding over the secret shop lmao

i think i've got redead ptsd. i saw a couple of voltrfruit cacti out in the distance and froze like a prey animal

anyway it's great the town is back on track and i wanna do ALLLL the sidequests here but...i need my low stakes exploration rn. i think i should unlock the last great fairy now that i don't need to worry about avoiding any part of the map

wait first i see zelda. time to shoot my gf :(

so i warped to the skyview tower and pikango is here?? what even is his purpose in this game...

huh. a light dragon's talon can HEAL when attached to a weapon?? wtf...

lol do i beat bokoblins with it and they get better

omg wait you can just pluck spine shards from her back...no arrows needed...this is nuts

eugh i see an ice gleeok from here. no thank you

its so fun that she goes clockwise around the map. time, time, time

you can see so much cool stuff from up here. i'm really glad totk added that you could ride them bc i feel like if i had more patience i could get such a lovely tour of hyrule from on zelda's back specifically, since she makes the whole circuit...like this game is genuinely beautiful and this is such a wonderful way to enjoy that beauty. and spend time with my gf.

i just wish i could like browse my menu or check my map or something WHILE MOVING...in other cases i would be livid if the game kept going while i was "paused" but i hate that fooling around makes the game's clock stop so if you're say waiting ten minutes for the dragojn to glow again you really do just have to wait

also. i never noticed glowing or lackthereof when the dragons were ready again. i may be unobservant lol

SO many shrines spotted from here btw. foolproof shrine finding method

ok, she DEFINITELY looks like she's glowing (her spines anyway) but nothing happens when i shoot her horns...is light dragon horn not a thing??

google says it's a thing.

oh no wait THERE it is. ok. now that i've seen it yeah thats a huge difference

luckily i'm quite close to that last great fairy now. thanks for the ride babygirl :(

briefly tempted by the fountain from one of link's memories below, near satori mountain...ultimately decided not to go bc theres not gonna be anything but a korok seed. just a little totk gripe

dark link armor to night sprint! i miss people getting jumpscared by it though :(

oh wait they ARE getting scared...weh thats so nice

ok, i have to take a break to do stuff :/ i wanna dot he stable quest!!!!! soon..............

[magnoliamyrrh]

Don't you have a psychotic father? Didn't you fear that acid might trigger psychosis in you too?

He did. Its unclear what has caused my fathers psychosis however. His mother holds that when he was young he overdosed on some medication and had a long series of epileptic-like seizures, and that this may be the source; doesnt seem too far fetched bc there have been cases of this happening, and of epileptic seizures causing religious-focused psychosis, and feelings of "heaven" and "hell." Noone else in that line of my family, or on any side of my familty, has had any kind of psychosis-inducing mental illness however, noone recently at least or noone that anyone knows of

I used to worry about it at the beggining, yes, every once in awhile I still do. I mean, before i even did psychadelics weed could have technically caused psychosis - ive met ppl in psych wards who had weed-induced psychosis who had no family history of it even; one girl who it hit after the first time she smoked, and didnt even smoke much. However, no matter how much and how frequently ive smoked, ive never come close to feeling like it was causing that - the most ive had is weed-induced paranoia and other shit, but nothing once I came down. To smoke weed was a risk in the first place, which i took, and so far its been years and nothing has hit me

When i first tried psychadelics, and acid was the first one, I knew it was a risk, one i took because I know I could handle high doses of weed without losing it, and because I was...... well. I was fucked up. anorexia bulimia suicidality a bunch of other shit, i wasnt far away from a second suicide attempt at all, and I couldnt rly see many ways out of the shitshow i was in - i figured if I didnt kill myself the anorexia or bulimia would kill me anyway...... and so, i decided to take the risk, that everything good ive heard might be worth it. And im very glad I did, bc theres a high chance id be...... either dead or much worse off today

By now ive tripped idk well over 50/60 times and have yet to feel like my brain has been pushed twoards psychosis. The most I can say is that, and this applies only to acid which I dont rly do anymore, when I did later on take probably too high doses and had rly bad trips,,,,, yea, in the middle of the bad trip i was afraid of that possibility (or more accurately afraid the trip would never end) - frankly, I think the fact that I had the strength to keep myself together and pull myself out of it got me through it; i dont know if someone else going through that experience without prior experience and the ability to try to keep it together would have had a psychotic break, idk, maybe so maybe not - maybe it wouldnt have been chemical but it would have been so traumatic that theyd have been lost in the sauce. Or maybe not........ the most i can say is that I learned my lesson w strong doses of acid, and that it did happen that I felt its effects for days or weeks after the trip - not psychosis or delusions - hard to explain, but its like the trip lingers; in good cases this is called psychadelic "afterglow," after bad or exhausting trips its not particularly pleasant

Sooo, idk. Yea, i guess it could happen, fuck it, it could happen with weed too. Its a risk I take. I don't smoke as commonly as I used to anyway, and I dont do psychadelics as often (tho frankly the times when I would do shrooms around once or twice a month were the most productive, stable, sane, happy periods of my life). I hope to God it wont, but it could, even being careful and respectful with it

....... overall though? psychadelics, and especially shrooms, have made me feel exponentially, exponentially more "sane" than I ever was before I took them..... and even particularly crazy trips managed to teach me, my brains a lot more put together and stronger than I thought it was

[gurugirl]

I’ve been going through this for almost a year now and idk if i’m just being dramatic or something I should report to HR or the police. Here’s goes:

I’ve been working at my job for almost 2 years now and 1yr ago we had a new hire. I talked with him the first day and he kinda just felt off? Like I had a weird vibe about him but I didn’t know him so I didnt wanna judge him so quickly. Our first interaction was mostly him asking me where I’m from and trying to get to know me. Anyways I kept my distance from him but he became close friends with my work crush.. who I also was best friends with

It became kinda awkward because anytime I was around that guy he made me feel uncomfortable so I started being distant from my work crush as well. My work crush liked me too and we were kinda in a friends with benefits relationship which is where this all gets bad.

The guy ends up finding out because my work crush would usually drive me home and one day I had company over so we did our #business🫡 in the car. And he was following behind us in his car and saw

Then we had a break from work, about 2 weeks for Christmas/New Years and that’s when I found out that he’s been stalking me. He’ll sit in his car outside my house for about 5 mins during the day and then around 2-3am he’ll come back and stay there for an hour. I noticed because he has a really loud car engine so I started looking into ring cameras. Then when I came back from the break he randomly told me how my brother is really tall? which confused me because my brother only visited me during the holidays and i haven’t seen him all year which confirmed that was his car watching me. So I got ring cameras and I still see his car everyday around 2-3am watching me.

Then my work crush left to finish college. So I started taking the bus again. And He would wait in the parking lot after work to try and get me in his car even after I repeatedly told him no. When I come into work he’ll try forcing himself on me for hugs or trying to hold my hand and when I tell him to stop he’ll get mad and start calling me names. Or shove/push me, trip me, etc. 

But one day I was stuck and it was raining and he “just happened to be in my area” and offered me a ride which I felt like I shouldn’t but did anyway.. He explained to me how he liked me since the first day we met and how he stays awake at night thinking of me. How i’m so important to him that he’ll drop/leave anyone to spend time with me. How many times he’ll count the times he sees my name in one day.. and then talks about how he loves how “innocent” I look. Which made me uncomfortable I’m 21 but I do look and sound really young that people always think i’m around 15-16 and he’s older than me.

Anyways throughout that car ride he talked about the weapons he has in his house and how he thought about using them on my work crush. asking what I see in him and if we’re dating. Then he told me about how many times he thought about kidnapping me.. and then when I finally got to my house and he kept stalling to let me leave the car and i panicked because the door wasn’t opening he just laughed and said how “todays not the day don’t worry” and I went home and cried. Then I realized that I never even had to tell him my address which shows he does stalk me.

idk if i’m being dramatic because after every weird encounter he’ll brush it off and tell me “i’m just kidding, you have to relax” I even talked with my work crush about how he makes me uncomfortable since they’re friends and he said that he knows he likes me and he’ll talk to him about giving me space. then once i told my work crush about how he’s being more mean. Like this once time he grabbed on me and bruised my arm bc I wasn’t talking to him and my work crush just said to “try and be patient bc he wasn’t having a good day” I started not like him after that because idk how to take the fact that he could be friends with someone like that and make excuses for him.

I did talk with my supervisor about it but not in depth and she said that she’ll make sure we’re in separate spaces but he still always follows me like I physically feel like i can’t breathe because every time i’m going somewhere he’s there or right behind me always trying to talk with me. And i try to be friendly bc if i don’t he starts getting aggressive. And he’ll tell me how talking with me and seeing me is the only thing that makes him happy. So I started ignoring him more and I don’t care about being nice to him anymore and now he’s playing victim and saying how he feels like end!ng his life because i’m ignoring him..

there’s a lot more but sorry for the long rant. It’s been ongoing and idk what to do because he’s friends with my friends and if I do something about it then everyone’s going to blame me and think I was overreacting. I’ve talked with multiple people but no one thinks it’s that serious. So now idk what to think.

First of all I just need to say I’m surprised no one is taking your account of this seriously. If you have a ring camera you can like record with that right? So you’d have proof to anyone doubting you that the man is crazy enough to be sitting outside of your house at 2 am just to look at your house. Also his words “today’s not the day don’t worry” are creepy af and I’m terrified for you.

He’s also trying to gaslight you by telling you he’s joking to make you feel like you’re being silly or something but he’s proven he’s not joking already. This man is dangerous.

Is the job one you need to keep or do you think you can quit and go somewhere else? But then there’s the fact that he knows where you live. Do you live with your parents or roommates? Tell whoever you live with about this man and tell them in detail how he’s threatened you and make it clear that you’re scared of him.

I do think you should go to HR but your boss’s response is concerning but maybe tell them again with more details and proof if you have it. Please get as much proof as you can bc, even in 2024 women are brushed off as being dramatic and attention seeking which is why men get away with horrific things (it’s happened to me even and I’m not going into detail here but let’s just say the guy barely got a slap on the wrist while I still have the occasional nightmare almost a decade later).

HR could be helpful but it depends on your work environment. Would you trust them? Once I went to hr about our company’s IT guy (this was some years ago) and showed them emails he sent me - super inappropriate and clearly making lewd comments about me that escalated to him texting me on the weekends and I lost my job two weeks later for “over staffing” while that IT guy works at that company still to this day. He never did the kinds of things that you’re describing tho so I never heard from him again once I was fired.

I’m not saying that to scare you, just to inform you that you may need to look elsewhere for support. Maybe even the police would be helpful in this situation but they’ll want proof.

Babe… I’m worried about this situation and it’s bringing up all kinds of scary feelings in my gut and you’re going to be your best advocate. Buy pepper spray or something, anything to defend yourself. Take self defense classes and learn how to fight back. Tell everyone you can about this guy and tell them his name anything you can about him (if you have his address, what kind of car he drives, etc).

Please don’t let your guard down around him. You’re right to be scared. Listen to your gut. Please please be safe and look for any back up you can for rides to and from work if the bus isn’t running. Never get back into that car with him again.

Xoxo

[nineliabilityrisk]

been thinking about my muses even though ive been way too busy to write. todays topic was michael so.

adding a cut bc these rambles are probably gonna end up ridiculously long

my michael uses (SHOULD use. stubborn headass often refused when he was little because he thought people would judge him.) mobility aids. even pre-scooping his repeated injuries from getting into fights / being needlessly reckless only exaggerated certain pre-existing conditions he had (weak / unstable joints + chronic pain making prolonged periods of unsupported standing / walking difficult)

when he was younger, before everything went to shit, he did get brought to the doctor and recommended an orthotic brace for his bad knee and a set of forearm crutches to help take the weight off his lower joints. he used the brace a lot when he was little and his crutches a little less often, but as he grew up and outgrew the sizing for both, there came a certain point where william couldnt be bothered to take him in for fittings or get them replaced (especially after an incident when someone at his school broke one of his crutches — after '83 william never really bothered intervening in any bullying related incidents involving michael and probably rationalized not getting him a new set by telling himself the boy deserved the treatment as punishment for what hed done)

so he stopped using said mobility aids for a good few years, but after he moved out and before the time sl rolled around, he did end up scraping together the money to at least get himself a new pair of crutches because his pain was only getting worse the longer he went without them. sure he didnt hold many jobs where he was made to stand for extended periods of time but after a certain point it ended up making some everyday tasks incredibly difficult for him

anyway um. obviously he could never bring his crutches with him into circus babys. imagine trying to crawl through a vent while dragging those things along i would die. he hated it at the time but he is at least somewhat grateful that he didnt end up losing them when he got scooped because there was no way he would end up being able to afford a replacement pair, especially not with how hard finding jobs was post-ennard

especially after ennard leaves, his Everything Hurts All The Time problems just get worse, and he ends up relying on the crutches far more than he ever did when he was alive — no matter how much (or how little) the remnant heals him, the nerve damage he experienced from his body quite literally rotting away isnt exactly something that just disappears overnight. his crutches help take some of the weight off his legs — he found out after breaking his femur that even his bones had beem affected by the animatronic's prolonged stay, seeming far more brittle than before. he gets pinched nerves / numbness from where the crutch rests just below his elbows sometimes if he puts too much pressure on them, and with a good chunk of his muscle mass rotted away its gotten far more difficult to support his weight on his arms whatsoever, but trying to walk unsupported would just be so much worse.

tl;dr: my michael af.ton is disabled and had been long before ennard happened. i dont bring it up much because i cant often find times where its relevant, but it is a fact about him that i almost always keep in mind.

[ this entire post was written by a disabled individual who uses the exact mobility aids spoken on in this post. mentioning the incidents where michaels access to his mobility aids was limited / removed by others OR younger michael refusing to use them does not mean i am trivializing such experiences or supporting those actions myself. a disabled persons mobility aids are an extension of their body and should be treated as such. taking away his crutches likely did lasting damage to his joints + the rest of his body. if you are someone who needs a mobility aid – no matter if you dont feel like you need it "enough," if you think it will help you and improve your quality of life that means you need it – never feel ashamed to use it or avoidant due to fear of the opinions of others. mobility aids are important medical devices and should be respected as such. ]

[cosmicjellies]

long and disorganised dark shadows update

once again spoilers for this 50 yo show//

first of all i am stupid and got the last episode for the dream curse storyline wrong. i think i wrote down 563 and it is actually 536? and it took me a minute to notice. decided to stop at 560 bc its a good number. the adam storyline is very long which i find daunting, so it's good that there is also that to break it up. i have been watching it fairly slowly but i will still take a medium-sized break before continuing.

i have been thinking about what the best way to watch this show in 2023 is, and how the ways we watch tv have changed over the years. i usually am kind of anti-bingeing but i feel like this weirdly benefits from it? for me at least. maybe because it was daily and not weekly. that said its funny how repetitive it is. was thinking about this especially this time around- they reaallly dragged out that dream and that tape by dr lang, i feel like they repeated each of them about 100 times i could probably recite them. luckily i like repetition but i imagine it would drive some other people (esp modern day viewers who might be bingeing this) crazy.

anyway some scattered thoughts under the break-

i love cursed paintings/art-based horror so i liked that there was a bit of that, but maybe they could have spent more time with it. was very happy to see my good friend rev trask come back as a ghost like i specifically said i wanted him to last time. please come back again! angelique magically forcing tony to be in love with her was very fucked up! again i wish we had spent more time exploring how fucked up it was. elizabeth turning into naomi was obviously great i esp loved when it got kind of incestuous with her mistaking roger for joshua- there was already an uncomfortable subtext there esp after the casting choices for 1795 it makes perfect sense to bring that out. i am not super into nicholas as a character yet- he seems mostly instrumental, to make angelique go from villain to victim, which admittedly is fun.

excited for vampire angelique and it does make sense to go there. excited for non-barnabas vampires in general. speaking of, how do vampires work, actually? barnabas is suddenly worried about the guy she attacked turning into a vampire- but has this been a problem before? barnabas has attacked many people, who just died unceremoniously. when he was feeding off maggie it did seem like she was turning, but then it stopped. and obviously biting people does have an effect on them, but so far it's been used to enslave them/make them familiars, not fully turn them (something i really liked in previous storylines). either an inconsistency or something that needs to be elaborated on.

i dont have any full thoughts on the adam storyline as a frankenstein adaptation, since it hasnt finished yet. obv the way it was tied into curing vampirism was extremely silly and nonsensical but thats great i love that. didnt really care for sam going blind but it was fun when i made the connection to the book, in which frankenstein's creature befriends a blind man. leonardo dicaprio pointing meme. found myself thinking a lot of about adam's language development, and the ways in which it is probably not realistic, and wouldn't it be cool if someone did tell a similar story but had read up on language acquisition and made an effort to model the different stages etc etc. but i realise this is actually not something anyone cares about at all.

obv adams crush on carolyn is extremely uncomfortable, and it has now gotten to the point in frankenstein where the creature kind of turns into an incel. rip. was going insane whenever matthew talked to adam about women- first carolyn and then vicky. all that stuff about "imagine if someone took away caroline wouldnt you feel bad, think about how kidnapping women makes men who love them feel :/" when you could perhaps just explain to him that vicky and carolyn are people and what about how they themselves feel. blah blah this is from the 60s.

anyway stay tuned after my break for more disorganised thoughts! i will be finishing the adam storyline next

[abigail-nicole]

tgcf liveread part 6

moving my liveread of the perfect novel, Heaven Official's Blessing, Tian Guan Ci Fu, by MXTX, from the dying twitter (fuck u elon) to the shitposting haven of tumblr, which hasn't failed us yet. probably just a mtter of time tho. xie lian would understand. anyway, continuing with Book 3, just after the Best Dinner Party in All Of Literature!

originally live tweeted on 3/30/2020:

Xie Lian, baby taizi dianxia, who can now be threatened because he loves someone

HOMOPHOBIC GHOSTS AND THEIR HETERONORMATIVITY

YEAH GET MARRIED!!!! How many times will Hua Cheng have to propose before Xie Lian gets it lol

Yes because when someone normally asks “want to get married” while holding one another in a too-small chair, its a hypothetical

Xie Lian catching feelings

so virtuous so beautiful......makes me plow other people’s fields all day....

Xie Lian, staring at Hua Cheng’s throat as he swallows, deeply upset by the implication that Hua Cheng likes a girl, unable to keep working: Gay Panic

Xie DON’T LOOK AT MY HALF NAKED BOYFRIEND Lian

Hua Cheng, gremlin, delights in teasing him,

OHHHH SHIP SINKING BLACK WATER

now we have a nautical yarn,

Do i spy a Crimson Rain Sought Flower v Ship Sinking Black Water confrontation that will leave our magical girl protagonist scared and aroused

God this scene is so GOOD????????? I’m dying??????? This is the best adventure?????

I cannot WAIT to see this animated oh my god

MAGICAL GIRL XIE LIAN STRIKES AGAIN oh i love him crying emoji

Demon King Hua Cheng oh my god & his magical girl boyfriend

kiiiiiiith

why isn’t I Must Cross The Sea With My Beloved And We Have To Both Lie In A Tiny Coffin, Our Bodies Pressed Together, To Escape The Ship Sinking Black Water more of a trope

What If Our Coffin Boat Breaks, the trope

More like Crimson Rain Sought Flower Crown Martial Prince why did it take me so long to make this joke oh my god

hahaha sexy times in a coffin while floating in the lair of the black water demon ....just hualian things

oh my god these idiots WHY DIDNT YOU BUILD A BIGGER ONE IM SCREAMING

Hua Cheng telling Pei Ming to go kill himself........... legend

this is also gonna blow my mind when it’s animated. Spiritual detective boyfriends! we love to see it!

why haven’t I commented on qingxuan/ming yi romance before this????? Am I an idiot????

an earth god and his genderqueer partner? we also love to see it

oh wait I’m idiot

This plotting is incredible???? (except for the Go Have Sexual Tension In A Coffin which was plot unnecessary but everyone is happy about it anyway)....everything else is so well done?????

AHHSJDJDJSHAHHHHHHHH OH MY GOD I NEVER SAW THIS COMING I AM IDIOT

i wont post the spoiler bc its all mxtx wanted was to not share that spoiler.... but i reiterates this author note is pure evil

MING YI IS STILL HERE TO PROTECT SQX I STILL SHIP IT. HARDER

A FASTER, BIGGER SHIP. CHAPTER 124 ON MING YI/SHI QINGXUAN

listen I actually love the Ghost Kings being friends. I imagine them hanging out & playing cards together in Ghost City

Ming Yi CARES ABOUT SHI QINGXUAN

listen qingxuan & xie lian are gonna sit around & have dinner with their ghost king boyfriendOH MY GOD THIS ALREADY HAPPENED!!!!!!!! I DIDNT EVEN KNOW WHEN I SAID THAT DINNER WAS A BLESSING!!!!!!

a) I ficking love He Xuan’s backstory

B) excuse me why do I now know more about He Xuan than HUA CHENG, OUR LOVE INTEREST, THE PERPETUALLY MYSTERIOUS CRIMSON RAIN SOUGHT FLOWER, I

The way Ghosts Kings (ghosts?) value Knowing Even When (Especially When) It’s Bad ..... excuse me while I pull up this “TERM PAPER Villains and Dumb Babies: the Fool, The Hero, And Moral Complexity In The Hero’s Journey.doc”

Ghost Kings Say IGNORANCE IS NO EXCUSE!

Did I think there could be an mxtx novel without Brotherly Self Sacrifice? The only thing I know about mxtx is that they’re not an only child lol

so, from another perspective, it makes zero sense that xie lian would even be there to see any of this in the first place, even though limited third person POV dictates that we must see everything through his eyes, but on the other hand,,,,KITH

They now make out all the time but never get any emotional mileage out of it!!!!!

aghahaha i take it back I like general pei “what the heck” god bless this translator i love them

Oh no I was looking up Crimson Rain Sought Flower characters (血雨探花) and spoiled something for myself oh no. Its not like i know even a single character in chinese why did I think “oh I should look at these characters”

wait I wanna stop & talk about Xie Lian doing a crushing kiss and then shouting his ultimate magical girl power move “SOUL SUMMONING SPELL!” as a real MOON PRINCESS HALATION moment

It’s a STARLIGHT HONEYMOON THERAPY KISS! I know way too many of sailor moon’s attacks i should probably feel more ashamed but im just thinking.....meatball head Sailor Flower Crown Martial Prince....neo-dianxia xie lian....his transformation sequence....

I was wrong hes not a himbo he’s purebred Magical Girl. they share characteristics

There’s even a Millenium Silver Crystal.....clearly Hua Cheng’s ring....why did I spoil that for myself like idiot....i am fool.

Okay sorry I’m off my tangent & back to Mistress 9, I mean He Xuan,

He Xuan LOVES Shi Qingxuan and..... I’m just going with that

I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO KNOW, SIR,

lol i almost feel bad for qi rong but also....Bro You Can Just Leave.... except we need you for comic effect to interrupt the makeouts

okay this seems like the end of the black water arc and a good chance to break this archive of a livetweet. returning shortly

[cnderyne]

Your Happy Ending.

Summary: You have your happy ending with Diluc. He was there to mend what Kaeya destroyed. It isnt the ending Kaeya wants.

Part 2 of He Was Supposed To Be Yours.

Part 3: You Were Supposed To Be His

Genre: fluff and a bit of angst.

Pairing: Diluc x Reader (fluff) Kaeya x Reader (angst and very little of the pair)

Warnings: like one swear word and it is kinda long

Word Count: 1,325

A/N: Thank you @reveltica for requesting a part 2 and thank you @imnikki for the idea :D. I... may have went a bit to overboard on the relationship with Diluc so no jealous Kaeya is in this but I promise I will do a part 3 of this v soon. I also changed the title of part 1 to 2nd person bc it really didnt fit. Anyways, thank you for reading <33

You never actually had such a malicious intention to break Kaeya using his brother and you still don't. Even through all the torment and emotionally abusive things Kaeya has done to you, using an innocent person is unfathomable to you. Diluc managed to hurt Kaeya because he wanted to court you. I'll give an overview of how you got to the point of a relationship. 

After you saw what Kaeya did, you avoided him. There was no dramatic fight nor was there any confrontation about what you witnessed. He just… stopped being in your life. Of course you needed to let him know you guys were over so you opted to just send him a letter that you wrote while drinking at Angel's Share. 

Dear Kaeya,

I knew you never wanted me so I will let you go. I hope you are happier with Traveler. 

Y/N xx

Those kisses were meaningless and you hoped he would see the humour in that last sentence. Tears still welled up as you wrote that. Emotions were hard to get rid off after all. Diluc saw this. Everytime you entered the Tavern, his eyes lingered on your graceful figure but always lowered his gaze whenever you would run into Kaeya's arms. Diluc was conflicted at the time. How dare he hold feelings for you while his brother held you. That feeling never left after seeing you hiding from Kaeya whenever you were both in the bar. I mean, you were his brother's ex. Oh but how he wanted to indulge in a relationship with you. 

That all changed one week. Kaeya was out on a mission for a week so you allowed yourself to meander around Mondstadt with finally a genuine smile on your glowing face. The townspeople, who knew of the situation, were affected by your change in mood and soon, the whole town of Mondstadt shared a similar feeling. 

A night alone at your house felt lovely but now you could roam around, so you decided to go to the tavern to waste all your money on alcohol. You seated yourself at the bar so you could get your drinks quicker. This was something you never did and Diluc realised that. He was aware of his brother's absence and was rather grateful because he got to see the gorgeous smile you rarely showed after the break up. It really suited your face and he couldn't help but fall for you again. This time there weren't any problems with his feelings. 

"Hi Diluc! May I have a glass of dandelion wine?" Your energetic voice filled his ears, soothing him like a melody Venti would play. You noticed his… dazed look so you called out to him. His eyes widened a bit and began to process your request.

"Sorry. Let me get that for you." When he turned to prepare your drink, a dust of pink covered his cheeks. Diluc gave you the drink, with a bit of fumbling. You took a sip of the wine and the refreshing taste cleansed your palate. The drink dwindled and but there was still a craving for more. After a lot few glasses, your speech started to slightly slur and you that familiar lightheaded feeling comes that happenes everytime you drink. However, there is warmth surrounding you instead of that empty and icy feeling that always hurts.

"Aaah Diluc, your drinks are always the best. You're just what I need," you looked up at him and was met with an averted gaze on flustered face. You continued to praise him, "Diluc, I am being serious. I really like being around you. It makes me feel so warm and comforting. Are you my panacea or something?"

"I-I think you've drunk a bit too much." Diluc slipped the glass out of your grasp and placed it behind him, while you were frowning and holding his arm to get it back.

"Please let me have one more drink," You begged and gave his arm a little squeeze. This resulted in you stating, "Oh my! How big are your muscles? Sheesh, you're so strong!" An innocently intended question made Diluc jolt his arm back and the colour of his faced matched his hair. Startled by his sudden movements you immediately apologised. You may have been drunk but you still knew when you messed up.

"It's not your fault. I was just... surprised what you said and if you keep drinking, you won't be able to walk back home."

"Then you can walk me home. If that is okay with you that is." He informed you that it will be really late by the time he can walk you home. You responded with, "It's okay. I can wait for you."

And so, you and Diluc got closer than ever. The conversations shared that night flowed with ease.

The walk home was filled with laughter and subtle glances. The night air felt uncomfortable on your skin as goosebumps were raised to keep your body warm despite Diluc feeling like a portable heater next to you. Diluc saw your hands rubbing your bare arms in attempt to gain heat so he plopped his large coat onto you. The smell of alcohol and sweat invaded your senses but it wasn't as bad of a smell as you would think. You nestled into the oversized coat and wished you could stay in it forever.

"My apologies that it doesn't smell good."

"Don't worry about it. It smells homely and your coat is really comfy." He let out a light chuckle and you continued the conversation.

You told him the story of how you once got your ass handed to you by a whopper flower. An embarrassing yet humorous tale. The dim street lights eluminated Diluc's face to bless your eyes with his tender smile, obviously smiling at your ridiculous telling of the story. In return, he told you “one of many” stories he has about things that happened while he was working at the Tavern. As that story came to a close, you were at the doorstep of you house.

"Thank you for walking me home! I had a lovely time with you today. Here is your coat back." Taking it off, your body was exposed to the chilling air, which made you shiver slightly. It was a shame you had to take it off. It was really fun to wear.

"I hope it was able to keep you warm," Diluc took it into his hands and put the coat back on him. "If it is okay with you, can I take you on a date?"

"Only if you give me a hug." You attempted to be playful only resulted in you wanting to die of embarrassment more than when you told that story. However, Diluc immediately embraced you. He didn't want to miss the opportunity to hug you and get a date with you. The hug was unlike any other. You relaxed into his hug absorbing the heat he emitted. His hand was carefully placed your waist and the back of your head. He curled up around you and held you close, as if you were about to leave him for good. You decided that the hug would definitely happen again.

His embrace weakened but was still unwilling to let go. Soon after, he withdrew himself from the hug. "I'll pick you up at 6." With that, he walked away.

Despite how reserved he is, Diluc was very good company that night. He was also very good company for the following days that soon turned into weeks.

You hopelessly and utterly fell for the red head that brought you the company you craved. Unlike how you begged Kaeya for attention, with Diluc, it felt healthy. It felt right. You got your happy ending with Diluc and you are happier than ever with him.

However, Kaeya found out that you and Diluc. Needless to say, he wanted his "doll" back.

[minahoeshi]

you were loved the most of all.

Ushijima Wakatoshi x reader | break-up angst

summary: You should've known that when Ushijima Wakatoshi found it easy to fall in love with you, it might be even easier for him to fall out of it. But who expects the worst when it comes to loving someone as seemingly perfect as him, anyway?

Chapter 1 of 2

Chapter 2 of 2

He said it was easy to fall in love with you. He said he didn’t know when exactly, at which place, nor for what reason. Simply one day, Ushijima Wakatoshi found himself looking at you with the epiphany that maybe there’s something more meant to happen between you and him. There you stood before him that day, the person he could promise love to. (And there he stood before you that moment, the boy whose promises you found yourself believing in no matter what.)

So maybe that’s why it was even easier for him to fall out of love. When he told you he was no longer in love with you, it didn’t matter to you to ask when exactly, at which place, or for what reason. Even the universe itself is meant to fizzle out one day along with the death of the stars. Just one more person drifting away from you like a lone planet with no real orbit shouldn’t leave you broken. You are used to this. You won’t fall apart.

But you break anyway.

It was snowing outside when he decided to tell you to end things now before it hurts both of you even further. Not that the snow has anything to do with the coldness creeping up your chest threatening to spill out of you in endless sobs. You were glad, though. That at the very least, he remained honest with his feelings. He never left you guessing. Every time, he never forgets to tell you what’s on his mind. His honesty is something he thought was necessary.

“I understand, don’t worry. Thank you for telling me right away. I know you’re also considering me–” you tell him and choke up. There are tears running down your face but you’re not worried about that. Wakatoshi never let you mask your emotions around him. For the longest time, he reminded you to feel free to be completely bare with him. All the good and the bad, he said. Don’t be afraid to show them to me. I will always understand.

He steps closer and puts you between his arms. You feel his chin on top of your head as you lean your face into his chest. You’re sobbing now. “I’ll be fine, Toshi. We’ll be fine.”

He kisses the top of your head and lets you stay in his arms for minutes. “I loved you then, and I love you still. It’s just that they’re no longer the same kind. I will stay if you ask me to, okay? Anything you want.”

This only makes you cry harder. He’s always been too good. And even in breaking your heart, he’s too good. You want him to hold on. You want to ask him to stay with you for years and years. Even with a different kind of love, you’ll let him be as long he’s close by. But someone like him who has dreams beyond yourself shouldn’t ever be with someone like you who still lacks certainty toward anything.

“Just for tonight,” you ask, still crying. “Can I stay?”

“of course,” he replies. Anytime you want. Anything you want. It has always been this way.

Because humans are creatures of routines and familiarity, you spend that night the way you usually do when you’re at his place. You cook dinner with him and eat on the dining table, sharing stories and laughter. You keep adding food to his plate and he smiles as you giggle at everything you find funny.

It’s okay, it’s okay. You’ll be okay. You’ll be fine.

You clean the kitchen and stay in the living room. He leans on the couch as you lay down with your head on his lap. You keep talking and laughing. He goes along, sometimes adding things to make you laugh even more, sometimes simply agreeing, sometimes asking questions. You keep it loud and light, afraid of the silence. Inside you, it’s so heavy, your heart might just fall off. This will be the last, you tell yourself. You want to be happy for now. While he’s still here.

"Do me a favor, okay?" You tell him as you're nearing slumber. "Let me leave first tomorrow. Maybe stay in bed, maybe pretend you're asleep. But tomorrow, don't get out of the room until I've left the house." Your voice shakes, feeling yourself wanting to sob.

"I don't want to wake up to another empty bed but I don't want to see your face when I wake up too," you curl into him even further. "I'm sorry for being selfish. I'm sorry I still don't really know what to do. And I know you wake up pretty early and you know, do stuff, but just for tomorrow, please?"

Wakatoshi didn't really understand why. He originally planned on cooking breakfast for you and taking you to the train station. He would watch you board the train and he'd make sure to smile at you as he waves. You always waved back. That's how it works. Even after fights, and even after especially bad nights, you'd still do the same. Watching you leave with a smile was how you both knew you'd still be fine the days after. That nothing much can affect your relationship. For years, this has been the routine.

But tomorrow, he knows he has to give way. He knows what he said hurt you. It would be wrong of him to do what he wants simply because he's used to.

Tomorrow's the last, he realises. And then if you want, he'd never see you again.

--

You wake up pretty early. The sky is a calm shade of blue, the world outside still waking up. You check the time on your phone and find it's 6 AM. Last night, you slept with your back on him. The sight before you is the other end of his bedroom and you notice just how much of yourself you've managed to leave around his place. Pieces of just one other person in his life, scattered in places around his world pretending that’s just where they belong. You didn't mind leaving things behind back then. You never really thought of the day that you might’ve to take back all of them. Just how does one pick up parts of themselves when they thought they’ve finally found a place for them to stay?

But as you stand up, you conclude that when things end, traces shouldn’t be left behind. He didn’t decide to break up only to be reminded of you even after you’re no longer close to him. So you go and pick every little thing that's yours. Even your jacket and sweaters and a few pairs pyjamas in his closet. You'll just take his things from your place too and hand it to Tendou's shop. Coming back here won’t do you any good. Him coming to your place instead wouldn’t either.

Collecting all your things, even the ones you can't use anymore, you leave the bedroom and enter the living room. You don't have many belongings here aside from some DVDs and books. You only take the books and leave the rest for him. You've always preferred reading anyway.

Setting your bag and things aside on the sofa, you go ahead and wash yourself in the bathroom and bring your toothbrush and some other products with you when you're done. You then head to the kitchen to cook him something light to eat for breakfast . You knew you didn't have to. He knows how to cook. It has always been him cooking breakfast for you. When you could, you’d rather stay in bed until the very moment you must start preparing to go to uni or work. But you did anyway. He's probably in his bed, awake. He has never been a heavy sleeper. With all the moving you did around his room, he was bound to wake up if he wasn't already.

You make him a simple omelette and write a small message on top of it with ketchup. "Good luck with practice today!"

You've already cleaned everything you used, preferring to wash and set utensils as soon as you're done with them. That way, when you're sitting down to eat, there won't be any cluster around to distract you.

You put the ketchup down and decide that should be enough. You'll stop here. You should go now.

Ushijima is sitting on his bed. He's been awake since 5 AM when he usually goes on his run. It isn't the first time he chose to stay with you instead of going out, but he can't help but feel heavy this time. He stayed in for you. But as the minutes pass by, it seems that he simply cannot find the courage to sit up and face you.

He wants to sink into his bed.

There's knock on the door followed by sentences uttered softly. "Toshi, I'm going now. There's breakfast on the table. Make sure to eat before you go."

There goes the heavy feeling again. Maybe if this keeps up, he might just actually sink and never get back up.

You've done that a few times. Leaving while he's still in the room. You don't even open the door. You simply knock and tell him you're about to go, always reminding him to eat before he goes too.

But this will be the last, he thinks. If you leave now, will he never see you again?

a/n

chapter 2 will be up soon not rly sure when tho. (it's up now the link is at the top)

also, im not entirely sure but i think i didnt use any pronouns or gendered nouns for this except "girl" in the 1st paragraph which i erased just now? if i'm right, then i hope everyone reading this get to feel as though theyre rly the person in the story. unless ofc u dont want that bc this isnt the happiest ushitoshi x reader fic u can find🥲. but thanks for reading!!!! m so sorry for typos nd other errors as well. i kinda cant read my own writings bc sometimes doing so makes me wanna smack myself in the head and never write again nd i hate that so now im leaving my mistakes to the gods nd hope they love me enough or smth. but yes thank u sm again for reading!!!!

[twopoppies]

Firstly No pressure to read any of the below it’s just a lil rant after I ended up on the wrong side of tumblr!! ( + I have ADHD and i forgot my meds lol so its a bit disoriented and all over the place) and no response necessary unless you want to!

Oh god I accidentally ended up on the wrong side of tumblr....never ever ever ever again, I went back so fastttt lol im laughing at myself rn for how quickly i clicked away from disgust

i ended up on a blog that stalks u and some other larries and says absolutely atrocious things abt louis (I can send u their @ if u'd like so u can block them) and fully bought the stunt bs happening rn and it was horrible obvs but like i just do not understand like it was so creepy gina and im just so disgusted bc why? yk?

like u were not joking abt anti's actually being obsessed with larries - like half this person's blog was talking abt you and amy and i was just so shocked cause why??? like mate come on what the actual f? get a life please?? (im quite new so im like just now realising how insanely weird and obsessed these anti's are)

Also it was just an overall eye opener for multiple things:

Starting with that 1. the way 1DHQ and 1D Management managed to alienate larries actually worked and i like knew but truly doing a proper deep dive and seeing multiple blogs hate on larries and like obsessively stalk us was insane?? Like they truly believe everything they’re being fed???

Side Note: Lowkey feeling very lucky to have had the education i have because even before i even joined this fandom i believed partially none of the relationships in the news bc like i knew abt this industry and how it worked yk? i mean its logic? i have so many mates that arent even in the fandom that know i am in the fandom and texted me when the articles started rolling out calling it out for what it was: A PR stunt

Hell someone i know whom i had never even talked abt fandom stuff/stunt stuff fully texted me making a joke out of it!!! like people who aren’t even in our fandom can see it and its just insanely surprising that if they can why cant the antis?? im just a bit shocked rn

both from 1. finding someone who actually believes in this stunt and 2. multiple blogs that fully commit their time to stalking u and other larries and once again i knew but fully seeing it

YK AT FIRST I WAS LIKE IS THIS A JOKE I DIDNT BELIEVE IT GINA I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS PULLING MY LEG OR THIS PERSON WAS IDK BEING SARCASTIC AND HAD A MESSED UP SENSE OF HUMOUR but ye anyway

It made me realise that 1DHQ knew what the fuck they were doing when they were trying to alienate larries from the rest of the fandom, once again i am feeling extraordinarily grateful to have grown up with an education where i was literally taught to never trust anything and to always think things thru using logic - “does it makes sense to you? if not find out why, there usually a reason behind everything” my yr 9 english teacher used to say smth like that all the time and it just never left me bc she was always teaching us to judge everything and to take every piece of news we read entertainment or otherwise with a grain of salt and to always if we’re gonna give someone else our opinion or spread this information do our research (its what i am when i say i feel lucky to have had the education i have had)

Eye Opener 2: Anti’s are fully standing y’all u were 100% correct this is some next level stan behaviour if i’ve ever seen some, you’re famous gina!!

It is while surprisingly to realise that anti’s fully believe these things, more surprising to see how they treat larries bc why on earth would u treat any other human being this way??? like dont get me wrong they’re horrible ppl and i fully felt like sending them a message telling them exactly that but i would never bc i just dont want to make another person feel bad abt themselves even if they are that shitty of a person and it was very tempting

I just would like to understand why they feel the need to do this? like why hate on a whole other person? for what believing smth diff to u? having a difference of opinion? how tf are they gonna make it when they get a job??? like??? do u know how often i run into a person with a different opinion then me? it shouldn’t be that big of a deal! we should still be able to be friends with antis! but we’re not - not for lack of trying btw!! they’re just so mean and rude??? when i was in other fandoms when someone believed different things there was never this much hatred at someone for it!! hell there was barely any bc it was understood that it was normal to have diff opinions abt things and i just am truly fascinated by these ppl i swear they remind how stupid the human race can sometimes be not for what they believe (altho ngl a lil of that too) but for how they treat other ACTUAL human beings with different opinions to them

Eye Opener 2.5: Some people need lives, man like they proper do need lives and something to do maybe a hobby or smth? just like a life they need to get one of those and actual live it

and Eye Opener 3: I already felt this way but like even god damn stronger now you deserve a formal apology from both 1DHQ and the universe

and until we get that u deserve amazing things coming from the boys on your bdays to make up for it

Lastly Gina I hope you didn't read thru all that bc I couldn’t even read it over and thus sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes and I would also like to say that I love your blog and everything about you! you’re an absolute angel and one of the kindest ppl I have ever had the pleasure of well not meeting but stumbling across, you truly make this fandom a much much much better place with your presence (I shudder to think of it without u) that said if you ever need to take breaks or leave Im sure you already know but you should 100%

You first!!! Always! :)

Have a good day Gina, I hope its an absolutely amazing one!

Hi darling. LOL! Reading this was like talking with my kids when they don't take their ADHD meds. Lots of excited thoughts!! I loved it.

And yeah, that blog and their 4 followers are really... not well. But you're very right. 1DHQ made this fandom a breeding ground for people to hate larries and to think it's something Harry and Louis would both approve of. It's gross.

The gaslighting here is powerful, so thank goodness for fans like you who know to question what they're told and to look at things with logic and to do their best to see through their own biases.

Thank you for all the sweet words and your offer to kick butt (in your other message). I really appreciate it!

[pocketramblr]

I've noticed after a while (and many posts) that you include Fuyumi-trying-not-to-resemble-her-mother in many of your tags, and I really want to hear your thoughts on that whole character dynamic. Or how you headcannon Fuyumi in general, I'd just like to know more and I haven't seen a lot of people delve into her character. It's always one of the brothers.

*vibrates at a totally normal speed* I would love to talk about Fuyumi yes

Warning: the following headcanons contain a decent bit of projecting. Is it me being a teacher? An eldest daughter? My complicated relationship with the idea of a "traditional family"? Probably all of it

First, if you don't mind a plug, I wrote a oneshot that has like 90 percent of all my fuyumi headcanons in it, The Walls Are Thin, and so. Obvious my headcanon that she's Touya's younger twin has been disproven but I like it a lot so,,, I don't care

So, there are some things about Fuyumi that didn't make it into the anime- manga!Yumi has blue eyes like Enji and Touya, and her arm was also bandaged in the flashback soccer scene when Shoto is talking about their abusive childhood which is very interesting to me.

Now, as for Fuyumi and Rei- I don't think Fuyumi hates her mother. I don't even think she hates her mother but is ok with full reconciliation like she is with her father. But I do think they have a very complicated relationship. Rei was institutionalized when Fuyumi was eleven, and from that moment on Fuyumi basically had to take over the raising of her brothers. Fuyumi lost her mother at eleven and then had to become one herself, because Rei burned her littlest brother.

Fuyumi was a child- and here's the thing. Rei's breakdown was sudden, but not surprising. She looked bad in the flashback right before it, she was begging her own mother for help. She looked sleep deprived and skittish. So even before Rei was sent away, I don't know how much she was actually mothering Fuyumi. Shoto can't really tell us that, and Fuyumi... Doesn't seem to want to think much on her past or give flashbacks to the two of them. So when Fuyumi is eleven, is ten, is nine- she's seeing this happen to her mother as a process. Rei is fading away, and Fuyumi is right at the age to actually begin to sort of understand it and be scared.

Shoto is aware that the marriage was motivated primarily to get a quirk like his. I see no reason that Fuyumi would be unaware of this ether, even when she was younger.

A lot of mental health problems can be hereditary- I remember my mother talking to me about her health history and her own mom's health history bc there's a looooot of problems there lol but Fuyumi didnt get that. She got to see her mother stuck in a hospital for a decade for a breakdown. She got to learn in school that those kinds of things can be passed down to children just like quirks. I'd bet anything that Fuyumi is terrified of having a breakdown like that. Of being like her mother- someone who cared for children that she couldn't protect from Enji for ten years or so, then being locked away when she finally snapped.

There's also her status as only daughter- besides the fact that all the wifely duties were put on her, there are still more expectations. Touya is dead, Natsuo is so ignored he didn't need to be disowned, Shoto is primed only to be one thing: the number one hero. Fuyumi, who has been mothering since she was eleven, would be looked to first for grandchildren.

This isn't to say that Enji ever expressed a single care about that- I doubt he did. But Fuyumi's grandmother was seen in some early flashbacks. I'm not sure if that was Rei or Enji's mother, but either way... Well, she'd certainly talk about how pretty she was. How sweet. How good to her brothers now that her poor mother is away. How obedient a daughter. And even if this grandmother doesn't talk about a quirk marriage explicitly, Fuyumi knows that she either raised a man who looked for one by the age of twenty, or was wholly complicit in her daughter getting one.

Even if, logically, Fuyumi knows her father wouldn't arrange her one- either because she's more useful at the house, or he doesn't pay enough attention, or he's going through a post Kamino character development- there's the fact that she also knows It's Not Impossible. She knows that if her family is as high up as it is and utterly rotten inside, there could be lots of people like that in their social circles. There could be someone who has that sort of interest in her.

Anyway, all that gives Fuyumi some very, very complicated feelings on motherhood and marriage. I don't think she wants either. Ever. She's a teacher, so she likes to work with kids- but we know a part of that is to make up for not being able to help her little brothers. She's full of guilt. I don't think she'd ever be interested in romance or anything else with a man, after seeing how it turned on and utterly broke Rei. And while I do sometimes have Fuyumi as lesbian, I also really think she might be aroace. This adds fun spice where she asks herself things like "wait is this just my trauma or my actual identity" and haha same I'm sorry I project on her a lot anyway sorry Fuyumi,,, you deserve a happy life. A normal life. But you don't get one ♥️

And the normal life thing- that's because Fuyumi is tired. She's tired of being a mother to her brothers. She's tired of having the responsibility of parenting without any of the power or control. She wants to be treated like a normal daughter and sister. And that can't happen if her brothers, esp Natsuo who she saw even more, keeps fully crediting his raising to her. Even if it's the truth, and even if Natsuo loves their mother and had no problem with her- he certainly wouldn't claim Rei influenced him more than Fuyumi did. That's why she's so desperate specifically for him to reconcile.

And she did see Natsuo more- but I think Fuyumi is also very close to Shoto. Closer than he thinks. Not just because her first two appearances are just her trying to protect Shoto by warning him when Enji is pissed off or when he will be, though that certainly helps- she's rather attuned to that stuff, and at least sorta used to Shoto sometimes listening to her about that kind of advice. But Shoto is being shaped deliberately to basically be Enji 2.0 . He has no choice but to be a hero. He has no choice but to train hard and get strong. He's supposed to beat All Might in a rivalry. All that stuff. Fuyumi, likewise, is shaped to be Rei 2.0. Take care of the children. Be soft. Not cut out for heroics. Not able to stop Enji from doing anything. Support Shoto. Cook. Clean. Take over when the housekeeper leaves, because why hire another one when there's a fourteen, fifteen, sixteen year old who can do it? Don't go to anyone for help, because no one who can help you will believe you or want to help you.

Shoto is supposed to succeed where Endeavor failed against All Might.

Fuyumi is supposed to succeed where Rei failed in going against Enji.

And all this, in a house where "like Rei" is an insult that her father shouts- to have her mother's constitution is a terrible thing. It's why her first two brothers were failures. Being "like Rei" means you are weak, and useless, and going to break down, going to be sent away.

And Fuyumi is supposed to be "like Rei", but without any of those bad parts.

Anyway wow this is such a long post.

That's why I think Fuyumi has a complicated relationship with her mother and with her appearance! If Fuyumi had been a boy, there always would have been a housekeeper there. She could have been a big brother- a big brother overly relied on, yes, but not a father. Fuyumi is not a boy. She is "like Rei." She is like Rei, who poured boiling water on a child because he had red hair, and a blue eyes.

So I think Fuyumi looks in the mirror, and sees red lines in her hair, and blue eyes behind glasses that neither of her parents need. And I think she keeps her hair shorter than Rei, and doesn't let it hang long like her mother prefers. And I think Fuyumi looks in the mirror, and sees that she's not just exactly like one or the other of her parents- and I think she says "thank God"

[neoraso]

royal guard!minho

requested | some gender neutral hc for how he starts to wish he was maybe more than just a guard to you 

to put things lightly, minho was the ace of your entire guard

like he was better than anyone …at everything

so originally he was on (your father) the king’s immediate guard

he was nothing but professional and saved the king too many times to count even from like stepping on rocks idk 

when you turned like 17 and had to do more public appearances obv u were in a lot more danger so ur father jumped at having minho reassigned to u as the head of your personal guard “nothing but the best for his child”

the first time you met him… he only nodded or said yes or no to everything u asked him n ur jus like ok not much of a talker that’s not so bad ig haha ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

he was so quiet and “polite” for months despite you constantly trying to get something out of him

ur other guards always tried not to laugh bc if only u knew he had like two friends and was generally a pretty serious guy

but one day there was a festival in your kingdom’s central city so obv you had to make an appearance which u were very excited abt bc you only get to go into town like twice a year and THIS was one of those times

being “of age” and that much closer to taking the throne you might as well have painted a big red target on your head to signal people against the throne

everything was going fine, everyone was having fun and you decided to visit some of the booths and musicians around the square

minho was already suspicious of the situation and tightens the rest of your guard without u evenn rlly noticing but like

just as you turned to show these cute little candies to minho to maybe get a reaction for once -

the second he looks at you, someone moves to grab you but the flash of a knife in his other hand causes minho to jump immediately into action

honestly who knows what rlly happened minho moved so damn fast but the next thing you know, ur in the middle of your whole guard squad

looking through the gaps of their shoulders you see minho pinning down your assailant with a blade against his neck waiting for someone to arrest him even though he rlly wanted to just execute the guy right there 

the festivities were kind of killed for u after that bc you and your family were rushed back home which u might’ve been more sad abt if u werent in so much shock :<

obv minho was the one to escort you back but like all he said was “you’re okay?” and after u dumbly nodded with wide eyes he walked with you but kept a hand around your shoulder

no one really talked after that which wasn’t unusual for him but in his mind he was rlly like 

“?? ok i know its literally my job to protect this family but?? hm whyyyy do i seem to care sm more rnnn??//?” help him sdhskjd

u just looked so shaken up and disappointed and suddenly he was like damn </3 they rlly have no fun in their life and this one time they could was ruined :///

u had to stay inside for weeks after that bc it turns out there was a whole conspiracy to “eliminate” your family line so you waited in safety until the criminals were “taken care of” 

minho had everything triple checked around the castle for your safety and secretly made sure you had extra treats and warm drinks sent to your room sometimes with little notes that he had the cook pretend to have sent because lately he’d heard you had trouble sleeping sometimes he’s shy boy aw

he started to realize how much he had gotten used to your smile and your little jokes and the way you sometimes tripped on the corners of rugs. and he thought maybe it was a good thing you guys didnt have many interactions lately because he was way too attached

you on the other hand, couldnt even rlly complain about having to stay inside so much bc you had everything you needed and- you knew it was for ur safety but- it wassss kind of suffocating at times

u tried sneaking out at first ((just to the garden!!)) which obviously was a bad idea bc it’s impossible to get past minhos fcking hawk eyes lmao

he STILL didnt say anything like he would just follow right behind you

n like u kinda huffed but whatever honestly at least it was just him and not 15 other guards like everyone acted like you needed

plus it was somewhat comforting to have someone so solid around even if he never talked smh

one night you sat near the little pond and tried to calm your mind by watching how the moonlight rippled in the water

you can feel him behind you so u just turn around and look at him ignoring how he was already looking at you

 “would you at least sit with me?”

he kind of hesitates bc …what if someone tried to come up behind you? but with the sad look on your face he cant help but give in and sits on the stone bench at the opposite end of you

it becomes actually somewhat peaceful until you just decide to ask everything you’ve been wondering n u just blurt out-

“would it kill you to talk with me once in a while? i mean, talk like a normal person and not a machine? i dont bite i promise..”

he furrows his brow bc he’s shocked you cared at all and also he doesnt rlly know how to respond without being like “its not really in my job description to make conversation” but he honestly just thought you were being talkative out of niceties.

 before he could even form a sentence you continued,

“i mean- i’m always trying to get your attention. i dont get to meet many people for obvious reasons but my guards are the closest people to me-literally, and i dont want there to be a big gap between us just because of my status..”

he cuts you off before you ramble yourself to death 

“i didn’t know you were this troubled by it… i just take my job very seriously and i dont want to risk anyone’s safety for the sake of conversation”

u almost roll ur eyes but not wanting to be rude ur just like “even at home? i know you’re serious about your duties, believe me, i just… i get lonely.”

smthing inside him literally breakkkssss when you say that like u are such a pure and sweet person that deserves to have all the love and friends and fun in the world so he just gets quiet for a second and looks down

“im sorry.” he said it so softly you almost didnt hear him “i’ll be there for you more- if thats what you need. im essentially in charge of your safety and care and i’ll do anything to fulfill that responsibility.”

ok.

well this was good right? so why did you still feel unsatisfied?

“i dont want to just be a responsibility, cant we just be like friends? or…”

you cut yourself off before talking too much again

you had to admit to yourself you had developed a bit of a liking for minho, not just because he was probably the most handsome person in your kingdom, not even just because he saved your life, but he had really been a pillar of security in your life and you respected his loyalty and ambition.

he was more than admirable and everything you wanted as a standard for your kingdom

sometimes you let your mind wander to him getting on one knee and leading alongside you..

no, now youre getting sidetracked and delusional and he can practically hear the gears turning in your head so he stands up and reaches his hand out for you to grab 

“of course you’re more than a responsibility to me, come on, lets go inside it’s getting cold.’

taking his hand and realizing the conversation was over, you moved to link arms instead  as he walked you all the way to your bedroom door 

u slept a lot better that night 

from that point on you could not get rid of minho 

like everyone was borderline uncomfortable with how jarring his change in attitude was 

like he was constantly behind you looking right over your shoulder or grabbing your arm to stop you from bumping into things

even when he wasnt technically on duty he had taken it upon himself to give you little lessons in archery and even some defensive moves to help you protect yourself in case someone wasnt fast enough to help you 

your tried not to get flustered every time he adjusted your form and the way you could feel his breath behind your ear

or the head pats when he walked you to your room at night

or his hand on your back when you guys would take walks in the garden

honestly it did not take long until one night you were sat next to your pond and after some comfortable small talk you noticed how close his face was to yours

but he noticed you didn’t pull away even as he leaned in closer and finally just kissed you

when he pulled away and saw your eyes still closed and how soft you looked his heart almost exploded

“i didnt mean to make things weird i just,, couldnt help myself, sorry”

his rushed confession pulls you out of your daze and you’re so happy (a little shocked) but you’re quick to reassure him

“it’s ok, i’ve been wanting you to do that for a while …”

he’s jus like “rlly?😳”

obviously this complicates things a lot and you aren’t really sure if you would even be allowed to have a relationship with minho bc of ur position

or if he would get in trouble for breaking the rules of attachment to u

all of this is kind of racing thru both of ur minds as you look at each other but you laugh after u both start talking at the same time

you prod him to go first so he grabs your hands and says like

“look i care about you a lot, and i know we’re not really supposed to be doing this but if i can be by your side … beyond my duties…i would really love to. but if we can’t, i can survive with just being here to protect and serve you in anyway i can”

he’s so honest and genuine and earnest it shocked u a little

even tho you were uncertain abt the situation as well you knew you had grown a little too fond and dependent on minho that you would do anything to make it work

luckily an arranged marriage was not required for you so that wasnt really the issue, but falling in love with someone not at all royal..? it was a daunting thought how the idea would be perceived 

you wouldnt have said anything if you both weren’t completely sure of your feelings;  but you really could not imagine being content or safe spending your life with anyone else so you mustered up the courage to ask the king and queen…

when you brought it up to your parents they looked pretty concerned

minho went on the whole “i’ll do anything to protect them and this kingdom” speech and your father just waved him off and was like

“i know u would …. i’ll allow it because there’s really no one better to represent the kingdom and because i want only the best for my child ;)”

u and minho were literally in shock but just quietly said thank u and left the room

when you had privacy he immediately pulled you in for a kiss (maybe several all over ur face)

you had a lot to figure out and many responsibilities but now you had an amazing person by your side to help you through it :.) <3