#anyways here they are. the stuff i've been threatening to make since may

[thedevotionaltour]

hello rubberist hero truthers

[vicmillen]

Where's the Justice League?

So I been thinking about an AU with a merged setting. You know, where DP happened inside of DC multiverse.

Specifically, I've been thinking about the JL and the other capes, what's Danny's opinion on them and what would keep them out from the Amity clusterfuck.

Here's some thoughts:

At first it just didn't cross the trio's minds that they could or should call the JL.

Sure there's a literal portal to the afterlife in Fenton's basement, and sure there's dangerous beings coming out of it that endangered people's lives. But hey they're handling it! The whole thing is kinda sort of their fault anyways, and the three of them are gonna try their best to hide it and deal with it on their own.

They are teenagers after all.

Then comes the GIW, and Vald. Both of them makes a solid attempt at locking up the ghosty news within Amity. For different purposes, sure, but the results marks the foundation of a solid media blackout.

Fine by the trio, actually, they really don't need more attention being put on Phantom. The less people knows about Phantom, the safer Danny is. Since he's still hiding from his parents and they really don't want to find out if those threats are real or not.

As the danger level ratchets higher and higher though, it's inevitable that the JL would cross their minds. They are teenagers, after all. This world threatening bullshit is starting to get out of their depths, and they do know it. They may make questionable decisions sometimes but they're not complete morons.

Except, they also knows how dangerous it could get if the supers got involved. For all they are teenagers struggling with highschool, they do know what they're doing, mostly. Team Phantom knows how their enemies function, what powers are to be expected, and what equipments is needed to counter those. They knows what to look out for, and what to do when stuff goes wrong. Most of the time anyways.

They don't have the same confidence in the Justice League.

Which sounds like a ridiculous thing to say, but hey. It's a matter of specialization, not absolute power. Besides, with the power and influence the JL have, they really can't risk any of them getting overshadowed.

They've all seen the aftermath of a mind controlled superman.

There is unfortunately, also the uncertainty of if the JL would even be on their side. Sure, the JL sounds reasonable and accepting enough to see through the GIW's bullshit, but that's just another thing that they can't afford to lose the gamble. The Fenton parents and the GIW is already hot on their heels, they can't afford the Justice League hunting Phantom for sports too.

All in all, it took a depressingly short amount of time for Team Phantom to start actively keeping themselves under JL's radar. The firewall around all things Amity gets reinforced, several times, and even the other locals learned to keep the ghosts to themselves.

What happens in Amity, stays in Amity.

So for almost three years Team Phantom deals with their own problems. Without outside help, but also without outside interference.

P.S.

For the sake of this setting, JLD has formed but isn't public knowledge yet, at least not until after the DP related plot concluded. So Team Phantom wouldn't have known to ask for them at that point. Also the whole timeline is completely made up and stretched out as I see fit. Canon is but the sandbox we play in, and it's mashups anyway so.

There are more of this au that I'm contemplating. We'll see if this gets a part two. Maybe about what caused team Phantom to leave Amity.

[thenewrises]

aw man another brain ramble (part 3) (18+ MDNI)

14DWY DAY 4 DROPPED!!!! YIPPEEE!!!!

so i spent some time replaying the game to find some info and went through my old posts because some stuff is new! i also have guess ren’s name and idk whether i got it right or not HOWEVER if i do get it right nobody will know… i’ll take it to the grave.

anyways some fun things in day 4, i feel like we’re finally getting into the LORE. which is exciting because one of the reasons i became so invested was the lore we would get on the blog.

ren likes to draw in his free time, that’s a fun tidbit. mysterious ink and mysterious black smoke? interesting… angel having flashbacks about their childhood the more time they spend with ren? LOVE IT.

parts 1 and 2 are here!

anyways with new content i have new observations! i am going down the "let's make him better not worse" route so keep that in mind in this post. i’ve gone through the blog again and hopefully haven’t missed too much, so let’s goooooooo

14 Days With You belongs to @14dayswithyou and @cutiesigh!

1. The Black Smoke

i have to admit i’ve gotten the bad ending without meaning to, because usually aren’t we supposed to want to move in with ren? he wants us to stay right?

not today!

this obviously has something to do with the main factor as the black smoke. what is the black smoke? it’s not a hallucination, and ren seemed EXTREMELY invested in it. and, not only that, he seems perplexed by it. what is the black smoke?

nobody is supposed to live on that floor with him, and even he has no idea about it. he becomes almost extremely fixated on it, and even distracted enough that if you tell them you want to stay at his house he barely pays attention.

it almost seems as if someone is incinerating something in there, but what?

something to point out is a lot of ren's scars are from burns, as fire has something to do with his past. i think i've talked about it before but in case i haven't, i have a belief that ren may have burnt down his childhood home in the past.

could the black smoke be an omen? we can see it as well, so it's not a hallucination of his mind. but this brings me to my next idea of what the black smoke could be.

2. His Computer

if while looking around you decide to peak into his computer, you get a conversation. i think their laptop is connected to their phone, because we can see a one way conversation as if ren had sent something to someone and then answered.

i believe this is river! as there is literally no one else ren would willingly talk to and even that is a rarity. however, confiding in someone with this kind of information seems like something he would say to river.

o - olivia

we know that river knows olivia from this relationship chart, and we've already run into her a few times. however, if she is involved in their past one way or another, she may have some of her own secrets. for one, she refers to ren in quotations, as if not believing their name, and river has been having issues of her following him around. could olivia be the killer? could olivia have something to do with their line of business?

"didn't we... u know?"

olivia isn't dead, so did they threaten her? blackmail her? hurt her?

it seems from my perspective that olivia may have rented out that apartment space and that smoke could be her doing.

we don't get a whole lot of information after that, since river or ren accessed and shut off the messaging app. but it seems olivia plays a bigger part than we thought.

3. What Is "It"?

this is the one that gets me thinking, because in the chat messages we hear about something river refers to as "that thing" and "it".

my first thought was olivia, but that made no sense because they had been properly referring to her and ren probably has no need to stay connected with her.

would this maybe be what's connected to the black smoke?

i haven't seen anything supernatural or non-human in this game, but the first thought i had was that it's some kind of entity. but, if there is nothing non-human in this game then what is ren in contact with? who? what happens when ren makes the thing mad?

it could be connected to his job, or something from his past entirely. one thought was maybe taylor, but why would he be in contact with his father? last time we heard, he has little to nothing to do with his family anymore.

What Is It?

4. The Drawings

something i learned is ren can draw! seems he likes to in his spare time. although angel seemed a bit concerned, as his drawings are not as light and romantic like the web comics they read, but... darker.

ren obviously connects with this gloomy character, who seems to be the main love interest in "always with you". my guess is he depicts gloomy and the MC as those characters, but gloomy specifically connected with them.

ren's inner turmoil is much more extreme then i considered, it feels as if he thinks he is always being watched. he purposefully isolates himself, but we know from childhood they were severely neglected by his father. maybe his father is those eyes, continuously tormenting them due to him not wanting to turn out like taylor.

some final thoughts

i may do another post when i get the time to look through more stuff and try connecting the dots, but this is what i have for now! i hope these coming days are more lore involved because it's been so fun to try and decode stuff.

another thing i didn't mention was the locked box, but there wasn't anything significant there. a ring is the key, so maybe we can get our ring from childhood back soon.

this may have been my favorite day thus far, and i'm excited for more in the future! i think i've been with this game fore around two years now, so i probably will stick around til the end.

[pikahlua]

OK, I'm someone who's been gunning for the "Katsuki's villain foil is All For One" probably longer than anyone, been theorising this for over a year, and I have dozens of drafts abt it (I just turned on anon, my MHA account isn't my main anyway so...) and I never posted because it was getting too long. I think I had these since Bakugo died? If I had posted them with me saying "Bakugo will fight AFO at the end of this!", y'all would've called me crazy. Y'all could've called me a madlad, but noooo, it happened LOL

I think a few people have already noticed parallels, as there are some parallels in Yoichi and AFO's interactions Bakudeku in Ch 193. I noticed them too, and there were a few posts going around abt it, never realising the implications (since it would mean that AFO is the villain foil as he's the only one who had such similarities to Bakugo).

I mean chapter kept putting Yoichi and Midoriya together, obviously connecting the two. But where does that put AFO?

Bakudeku can be considered "siblings" since they knew each other for as long as they can remember. One was gifted and strong, while the other was quirkless. The gifted one telling the other that since they're quirkless, they can't achieve their dreams (Compare Ch 1 Bakugo to AFO's statement about Yoichi).

Yes, people are saying that AFO is terrible and Bakugo shouldn't be compared. But I think that's exactly what makes them foils. Horikoshi described Bakugo as the "light that would never surrenders to the dark", and AFO is the complete opposite, someone I would describe as "the darkness that never comes to the light".

They're the ultimate representation of "good vs evil", and that's why Horikoshi had pitted them against each other.

And AFO being Bakugo's foil makes sense as it goes in line with something Best Jeanist has said in the past. "What makes the difference between Heroes and Villains?" The villain foil theme actually started with Bakugo.

What makes AFO and Bakugo mirror each other? Look at how AFO looks down on the weak, calling them all "extras", the way he called Bakugo a "pebble in his path" the same way Bakugo did.

Rather than motivations and origins, it's through their behaviour especially towards others. AFO is more extreme, but he calls and views others that are "weaker" as "extras", he looked down on the person "closest" to him for his weakness. He once believed that "might makes right" and acts upon it. He view himself as "God". (Remember how Bakugo's hero name has "God" in it??? Hehe..)

And I feel that there would be more parallels between them once we get to see more of how AFO views Kudou, because he seems to be angered or even "threatened" by him in a similar sense to how Bakugo was to Midoriya. He is the extreme representation of Bakugo's past.

Katsuki means "victory over the self". Of course, the best way to finish your character arc is to beat up a character that represents your past LMAO

All through his arc, he had to see his weakness, and even through foils like Endeavor to face his mistakes. All For One is the final step.

Of course, for Bakugo to fight unwaveringly, he had to get his "rising" moment and also apologize to Midoriya. So that he can truly become the light that opposes the dark. To truly distinguish himself from the villain, like what Best Jeanist told him.

(Sorry if I got anything wrong, I was inactive around MHA for a while, so I could be misremembering, but hell yeahhh, this is what I've been waiting for lets gooooo!!!!)

I think you've got a lot of good stuff here, and yet... My apologies, anon, normally I wouldn't lead with this point I'm about to address, but I must address it first or else no one will read past this point and instead run to dogpile me in my askbox.

While I understand where you're coming from, it's just not tenable to argue the relationship between Izuku and Katsuki is akin to that of siblings.

Some people would make this argument from what may seem like a shipping standpoint, but I'm going to make it from a cultural one. At no point in the manga are Izuku and Katsuki ever referred to as nor behave as nor speak like they're family. There are important hierarchical and social expectations present in Japan for siblings that are different from what's expected of friends (note that even twins are still distinguished as the older and younger brother). Izuku and Katsuki treat each other as peers, social equals, NOT as a big brother-little brother dynamic. Their dynamic is best described as that of childhood friends. Childhood friends is an important trope in Japan, and one can't just gloss over it and pretend like siblings and childhood friends are equivalent or that they work the same as with western story dynamics. They're not and they don't.

And the social distance between Izuku and Katsuki is VITAL to the way their characters and relationship work. Izuku has to be unrelated to Katsuki--a "pebble in his path," some random extra--for Izuku's heart to shake Katsuki so badly, for the "meddling where you don't need to" theme to apply to Izuku rescuing Katsuki, for Izuku reaching out to be so offensive to Katsuki. So for reference, you can accurately describe this relationship parallel with Yoichi and AFO as "they knew each other since childhood," "they don't remember ever not knowing each other," "they have always been a part of each other's lives," etc. But I must stress the trope you're invoking here is childhood friends. It's okay, you don't NEED BakuDeku to be "like siblings" to make these parallels work. They grew up together, and that's sufficient.

Sorry to nitpick on that.

Anyways, I do think that there is something intentional on Horikoshi's part about Katsuki "Self-Victory" Bakugou facing off against All For One as if AFO is implied to be one of Katsuki's "selves" for him to defeat, particularly his old self he's already basically defeated in every sense except somehow fighting it out physically.

Can I tell you a secret though?

I'm not convinced MHA ends after Katsuki vs AFO and Izuku vs Tomura.

No, I don't mean like a falling action epilogue. I just mean...

Heroes Rising didn't end when Izuku and Katsuki sucker-punched Nine. It didn't end when Nine had been bested in fair combat. It ended after Nine employed a desperate gambit to win no matter the cost and became a giant purple butterfly rage monster.

What I'm saying is...I kinda think AFO will successfully transplant his quirk into Tomura or something.

[neuroticreno]

Big fan of your hc about Myron being a vault city citizen, do you wanna share more on it? No biggie if you don't wanna!

you have no idea the beast you have unleashed, anon.

ALRIGHT FAIR WARNING HERE it is. an extremely lengthy explanation and i've been meaning to share it here anyhow :] take this doodle of him as well for a little extra

As a preface, this headcanon is entirely for funsies (and autism). Some bits may seem like a stretch of the imagination, but it's fun to give him some kind of backstory, so take it all as you will.

I use dialogue from Myron's talking head segments, as well as the floating dialogue seen when Myron is in active combat (how canonical the combat dialogue is may be up for debate, but for the sake of this…essay? we'll say it's true).

To start, let us briefly examine Myron's character. Notably, the parts that relate most to this essay.

Myron is intelligent. To give him credit where credit is due, he is smart and thoroughly understands the subjects that he talks about. The people around him know this as well, and remark on it too (mostly at how wasted his potential is). He cares little for the well-being of others, especially slaves, whom he views as objects, and mutants are worth even less to him. He also has a very high opinion of himself, often referring to himself in the third person and boasting about his intellectual capabilities (calling himself a genius, a God, etc. etc).

So, we know he has not lived in New Reno for his entire life, only being there roughly a year or so. As he puts it, he came across the Mordino's way back when, so where was he before that? Just wandering the wastes? Or perhaps coming from another settlement?

Myron, compared to any other companion in the game, mentions Vault City quite a bit. Even more than John Cassidy, who has been tending to a bar outside the Vault City walls for a presumably long time. Though he shares the same distaste that many others do for the city, he also possesses what feels like insider's knowledge that the average wastelander would not have.

A lot of this knowledge presents itself when Myron's intelligence is threatened. If the Chosen One is smart enough, they can engage in a dialogue with Myron and demonstrate to him just how much they know about Jet and its chemical compounds. He will snip at the Chosen One for asking too many questions and interrogate them, asking where they learned all of this stuff anyway. Their understanding of pharmaceuticals is on a similar level to his own, which he may take as them learning it from the same place. Makes sense, considering during combat, Myron will mention he has not been in a fight since the fifth grade. Nowhere else in the game beyond a stray tombstone in Golgotha is any school mentioned or found. One can assume that Vault City would be the only settlement nearby with an established education system, thus reinforcing his belief.

Should the Chosen One pry him about a cure for Jet and suggest endorphin blockers, when asked where they could find such a thing, Myron will suggest Vault City first. He explains they have a 'pretty good' medical warehouse, and laughs when they want to try it as an option, saying they would have more luck getting a radscorpion to part with its tail than getting Vault City to give up anything. The city is widely known for its medical advancements, but Myron could have more of an idea of just how extensive their medical know-how is, having experienced it firsthand. Myron also proclaims that he is a 'natural', 'self-taught', and possesses 'none of that bullshit Vault City 'purer-than-thou' 'tude', which is funny since he spouts off his own 'purer-than-thou' 'tude every time he opens his mouth. Of course, he may have some level of natural intellect, but the rest of it likely stems from an education.

He also remarks that the citizens are a 'Buncha "genetically pure" humans. They got their noses so high in the air they'll drown when it rains'. Again, pretty humorous regarding his own high-and-mighty sense of self.

We can look at his propensity to look down upon slaves/servants. In Vault City, slaves are integrated enough into society to call for a Servant Allocation Center. Where citizens regard them with little to no respect, Myron, having grown up in Vault City, likely followed that ideology, too. The city's negative view of mutants could also explain his own distaste for them.

Myron also makes a lot of Dungeons and Dragons references, which is really just a funny haha 90s pop culture thing at the end of it, but it is fun to imagine that, at some point, he might have had his own little group when he was younger. This bit is just speculation for the sake of entertainment.

All of this raises more questions though; why did he leave? How did he leave? And how did he make it to New Reno without dying on the way there?

As for why he left, we know that Myron does not appreciate being hindered or being told what to do. Working for the Mordino's, he will complain that they only want him to focus on Jet when he wants to make new drugs instead. He complains as well about the lack of respect, so he could have left Vault City for similar reasons. Perhaps his talents were recognized, and he was allowed to experiment more in the field of chemistry. However, Myron could have found Vault City's restrictions less than ideal, giving him the incentive to leave and find somewhere with more creative freedom (he can leave New Reno for the same reasons, anyhow).

How he left and how he got to New Reno is difficult to explain. Myron has virtually no survival skills, and it is a considerable distance from Vault City to New Reno. Hitched a ride with a caravan, maybe? Him managing to escape a settlement covered in laser turrets and guards is also unlikely, but perhaps there was some kind of weakness he was smart enough to exploit and slip through.

Any additional thoughts on this bit would be appreciated :]

[rum-and-shattered-dreams]

Writing and life updates (October 1, 2024)

Gahhhh why? Here I thought I was done writing stuff for Engaging Encounter but now I have a need to add more chronic pain/illness Ford content…

Guess it’s not actually done until it’s all posted and even then nothing says my questionable inhibitions can stop me from adding more random one shots or something. XD

This won’t change the schedule for it. It’ll just make the word count higher because apparently I have no self-restraint.

(I seriously wish I was better at art-ing because I have some ideas for companion art for this that just... Won't come out >_<).

Also still working on The Man Downstairs. I'm just trying to sort out something in the next chapter but it's getting there.

Personal/life blather under the cut:

Regarding the hurricane, firstly, I'm sorry if I come off as callous about them sometimes. I've just lived with them for so long that I'm tired. Yeah it's important to prepare for them and be cautious about them and I am but after going through so many times of packing things up, evacuating, putting up the shutters, thinking everything may not be there anymore in a few days, etc, it's hard to not just be tired when another one threatens your area.

For this one, my family and I are incredibly lucky to be okay. Just got a bit of easily fixable wind damage (so easy that it's already fixed). But ten minutes down the road, the storm surge destroyed the homes of friends and businesses that have been part of the community for decades. And I mean the little shops where you knew the owner and they'd been around seemingly forever, building character over the decades. One shop had been there since the 50's accumulating writing on its walls from customers since then. One shopping center of mostly small businesses had been there for so long that it looked like it had been built out of things that washed ashore over decades of collecting it and piecing it together. Another had a collection of decades worth of frog collectibles brought in by regular customers. And those are just a few examples. Heck, my old middle school from nearly 30 years ago with a mural I helped paint on one of its walls was under water.

Yeah it can be rebuilt but that is so much character and history just gone. Some places may not rebuild or reopen because the owners see it as a sign to retire.

So anyway, while I do feel incredibly fortunate to not be in a circumstance like the woman I just talked to who lost the lease on her house because "an act of god" nullified it with two feet of water, I feel horrible for everyone who was affected and definitely feel the loss of community spaces that have been part of people's lives here for as long as they can remember.

[theneighborhoodwatch]

an update

apologies for any erratic or otherwise concerning behavior on my part that you may have noticed, neighbors! i won't get into the gritty details, but as it turns out, i May have been experiencing a nervous breakdown over these past few weeks. not because of welcome home, mind you. it was a number of things in my personal life, and i've been feeling much better since i've been finally able to address it - but it has made me Reevaluate a few things wrt how i've been going about things here, so i'll be going over those in a quick little numbered list under the cut:

i am no longer running or even in the discord server. one of the moderators, @/doctorcottonghost, offered to take it off my hands, and i accepted. ergo, i will no longer be able to answer any questions about whether or not invites or open.

in a similar vein, i've removed the "community areas" section on my links page. i do not think it was doing me any favors to be Constantly Aware of these large swathes of people. if you came from r/WelcomeHomeNeighbor, however, you are still free to peruse my observation document and send in questions/findings/etc. once my inbox opens back up (and do see if they need more mods over there!)

i do not plan on abandoning the observation document! i will still update it to the best of my ability as each update comes. i love archiving/cataloguing/etc., so it's a source of great joy in my life (and i really need to move the backup links section to its own page, anyway. it's been hard to find time for it since my computer broke.)

more of a reminder than an update, and i'm aware that i have no Actual control over people's actions, but i'll restate this in no uncertain terms for anyone who cares (at the risk of looking like a bit of a kiss-ass): please do keep clown's boundaries in mind - TL;DR: no public nsfw, no merch. both of these are subject to change in the future. that's it. do not exaggerate, do not try to find loopholes, and for the love of god, do not threaten people into following these boundaries or spread misinformation just to make it seem like you have a point. if you see someone continue to ignore these boundaries while they are still up - or even your own personal ones! - after being informed of them, be a goddamn adult, use the goddamn block button, and don't give them any more of your time or attention. (and probably report them, if we're talking about merch.)

i may need more time before i open my inbox back up. i haven't been in quite the right State of Mind for deep speculation, so i want to get through the more lighthearted stuff first before working my way up to those. once i've cleared everything out, i'll probably open my inbox back up - but anon may stay off for some time.

and i think that's everything! now i am going to have a nice big dinner and then i'll come back and Attempt to answer some asks. i've also taken down my more mopey posts from the past 2 days, so i don't clog this blog. have a nice evenin'.

[gremzoff]

have you ever stopped whining to think that maybe,, just maybe, the hate you receive is true? Without whining and crying about it? That maybe, just maybe you're just not…good enough? Or as good as everyone else? People care about the 'basic' ocs because theyre just? Entertaining? Or maybe the artstyle is good? Have you thought about that? Obviously people will idolize who they think is cool. Also, you're 18? You're an adult now. And youre acting like this? Crying and getting your snot everywhere because you arent getting as much attention as the bigger blogs/creators? Or because your oc isnt that loved? Because the fandom got bigger and so the creators with actually good content are getting more notes? Is this your first fandom experience? I thought you were -12 y/o before seeing the bright "18" (shocked). Every fandom has its flaws, you said it yourself. The bigger the fandom, the bigger the flaws. Hat tipped to you for wanting to keep your peace and no longer interacting with the fandom.

Maybe before going in anon and sending these kinds of threatening/insulting asks calling others immature, you should look in the mirror. Attacking people for their personal decisions and opinions, calling them "12 yo" and immature, this is the real immature act. Why are you doing this, you need to make yourself feel tough? Anyway.

I'm not the only one complaining. If you really cared, you would look around and see I'm far from the only one nor the first complaining about these issues.

This is far from my first fandom experience, I've been in much worse places. I consider that I've grown enough since then to see and point out what's wrong in a community. I see so many new members making posts saying how this fandom feels like a "big family"- but all it takes is actually getting deeper into it to see how rotten the situation is. Idolizing isn't ok. Kissing people's toes isn't ok- and the hypocrisy of some of these people, saying, oh we should support small artists, but then they don't even take time to even look at our stuff- and again, I am not talking only about myself, we are a handful feeling this exact same way, and it's exhausting.

This feeling of anger, sadness, jealousy even maybe, us, small creators can feel towards others is normal. We are human, and we have feelings too, and we shouldn't oppress them. Maybe this is what you fail to realise, the world doesn't revolve around you, others can, too, express feelings. We are allowed to have these feelings and opinions, and real maturity is when you'll accept this fact and scroll past posts that upset you, instead of sending hate.

This has been an exhausting journey. I'm not going to say this fandom has been the worst I've ever joined, like I said, I've been in much darker places. But this is definitely the first time I witnessed such behaviour with my own eyes- sometimes, it almost felt like a cult. And I am not saying this to play around with words and exaggerate my feelings as a shock value, it just takes basic understanding of human behaviour to see what's wrong. This fandom may seem friendly for some, but it isn't the case for everyone, especially if you have experience, and you've been here for a while.

Even if I'm grateful towards this community for some things -like my ocs, my friends, but also the fact I've improved my skills a lot during this journey- , I definitely feel bitter for all the negativity I felt. Between people bashing me for my creations, self doubt and anxiety for not being "good enough", not being able to keep up with posting everyday on my askblogs, or just this uncomfortable feeling of constantly getting thrown under the bus by people who are "more popular". Seriously, nobody would want to meet people who are somewhat known in the community, all that to realise that even in "small" fandoms, people will think they are better than you, and won't hesitate to step on you and almost erase you, but then their fragile ego gets shattered as soon as you dare to speak out about these issues, or worse, express your opinion about not liking their stuff.

I have so many things to say. I hope you get off of your chair and go take a bowl of fresh air outside, because you definitely need it, and probably on the way, look at yourself and reflect on your own behaviour.

[lunais-liam]

I just Imagined some awesome shit but I draw horrendous so I NEED someone to draw this and make a comic or an extended version because it's just so much

Peridot POV.

Some time living at the barn together, Lapis always seems to look weird at me, her eyes are always staring and when we talk, she always mentions our old ways. I know she's traumatized but come on, we've been okay for months by now, she needs to move on!

Sometimes I hear her whispering, but I don't really understand what she's saying, tho, she's probably talking about how Jasper and I used her at the ship and all of that stuff. I'm really getting tired of that, it must've been hard but come on!

Sometimes I wonder if I could change the way we're living now, it makes me really uncomfortable to be honest, but, what if I ask her what's really going on? Maybe I'm wrong, maybe she just wants me to leave and she was lying this whole time she's been living here with me..

Lapis POV.

I've been living with Peridot since steven brought me to the barn, she tries so hard to be with me but things just feel different, Peridot was tall, threatening, cool.. but now she's just.. her.

A lot of things have changed, but I didn't expect her to do so, I really felt something for her but now, she has just changed her whole personality just because she doesn't have her limb enhancers, I miss the old her but I don't want to say It, she may take it wrong.. What am I going to tell her if she asks? "Oh no, I just hate you now and want you to be rude and with fucking limb things to make you look less stupid." That would literally break her, and that doesn't really feel good to say.. I guess I'll just live with it.

Peridot POV.

Okay, I think I'm ready to ask her, I have it all planned now, I'll just go there and sit with her, then I'll talk to her, then I'll wait for her to say something about, you know, that, and If she doesn't I'll just bring it up! Easy, right?

Conversation.

Peridot approaches Lapis as she waves. - Heyy Lapis! How are you today?

Lapis looks at Peridot sitting next to her. - Are you okay? You look we-

Peridot interrupts Lapis. - Good! I'm very glad, what are you doing?

Lapis looks directly at peridot staring right onto her eyes. - You didn't let me finish, you look weirder today.

Peridot starts sweating a little bit because of Lapis staring at her. - I.. um.. Wait, weirder?

Lapis covers her mouth with her hands quickly. - Sorry! I didn't mean that, really.

Lapis sights and moves a little away from Peridot. - Look.. it's really hard, okay? Everything is different now.. You are different, and it just feels different.. I liked you Peridot.

Peridot looks sad to lapis until she hears the last sentence, her face went slightly red but still sad, even more than before.

Lapis - Sorry!! I shouldn't have said that, I'm really really sorry peridot, you're not the problem, really.

Peridot slowly stood up and after looking at Lapis one last time she ran away out of the barn.

Peridot POV.

I knew it was something like that, I didn't know she liked me but I know what I have to do now.. If she doesn't want me like this, then, I'll just never come back like this.

I'm at Steven's house now, I told him everything and Amethyst overhead, such a sneaky clod. Anyway, Steven told me I just need to be myself, but Lapis doesn't want me to be myself, and I want to be with Lapis.. I love her.

Amethyst said she'll help me but I don't trust her acts, really. I just hope this works..

Lapis POV.

I completely messed up, why am I like this? I fucked everything up, I'm a complete jerk.. What was I thinking? I knew it would hurt her but still I did it, I told her.. Now she's anywhere on earth and I can't do anything.. I should tell Steven, maybe he can help me!

I think writing a lot is not good in just one entry, so I will probably continue later, remember kids, do not change yourself for others benefits!

Also, you can ask questions about this thing! :))

[gamesception]

let's read rgu chapter 20

Sorry for the late, late update, got a bit distracted today. I'd just push it back to tomorrow, but this liveblog turned into a sort of accidental pride month project, and I don't want to miss the last day of June.

I don't think I've mentioned it yet, but somewhere along the way, probably the same time the scans went to all two-page-spreads, we went from a fan translation to what seems to be the official English localization, and, as much as I respect the hard work and dedication of fan translators, the professional translation work is greatly appreciated.

Anyway, last time Utena won her rematch with Touga. New Hallmate? wait, have they moved into Akio's building, like in the manga's 3rd arc?

Psh, oh yeah. I guess Touga lives here now.

This is ridiculous, and I love it.

Oh, yeah, why don't you be useful for once and dump some exposition?

Did we skip over the exposition, or?

You know what, I don't care, this whole development is hilarious. The entire student council defeated, now following Utena around like imprinted ducklings. And Utena, embarassed, just stomping forward, her fists clenched at her side, just trying to ignore them. God, these nerds. This is great. Manga redeemed.

At least this domesticated Touga has the courtesy to ask Anthy to leave the room first instead of just talking about her like she isn't there.

Anyway, now we get the exposition. I guess Touga just wanted a full audience first. Key points of the exposition:

The duels are over. Utena won.

The point of the duels was to gain the power of the Sword of Dios

Because the Sword of Dios somehow grants access to the castle/Dios itself

Dios may or may not be a real person, but regardless has power over the movement of the stars, and can therefore change fate/destiny and thus 'revolutionize the world'.

World's End organized the duels to gain this power for himself, and Touga believes he will take action to manipulate or control Utena.

We also get a much more overt warning to Utena not to trust Anthy. Something Touga tried to say in the anime, but with far less explanation and far less reason to listen to him since it was only after his final defeat in the duels and thus easy to dismiss as sour grapes.

Touga's clearly still trying to get access to the power of Dios himself by getting close to Utena, he basically says as much, so still hard to take the warning seriously.

Despite being sent out of the room, Anthy heard everything, and she urges Utena not to team up with Touga against World's End, and Utena, in an uncharacteristic show of interpersonal insight, picks out that Anthy has been betraying this mysterious organizer of the duels rather than the duel champion the entire time.

Anthy is showing quite a bit of fear towards her brother here, something we didn't really see earlier. I guess it's more fear for what he might do to Utena, which I guess makes sense.

The next day Anthy's warnings start coming true, as Akio's first warning shot comes in the form of a fire at Wakaba's dorm.

Fuck you, Akio. Wakaba is a saint, if anything happens to her.

Wakaba's trapped inside and Utena rushes in to save her, but the doors are jammed and both girls are trapped by the fire and smoke.

Akio rescues Utena, of course, and she starts to suspect he's her prince. Rightly this time, unlike with Touga, but Akio is just there to exploit it all the same.

Most important panels of the chapter: Wakaba is OK.

The chapter ends with a confirmation that yes, Akio set the fire. Oh, and he's World's End, just in case anybody missed that. Threatening Wakaba does draw some heat, if you'll pardon the pun, but honestly I half expected that he would have made Anthy set the fire. Doing his own dirty work seems a bit beneath the Akio I know from the anime.

But still, we have a proper villain now, since the manga really never wanted Touga to fill that roll. We're still seeing new stuff happen, so I'm excited to see where the manga goes next.

[zarla-s]

Bot update: a few people reported seeing bots a day or two ago! I've been checking in myself every now and then and I haven't personally seen any, but that doesn't mean they aren't out there. One of the bot hosters apparently was livestreaming himself on youtube cheating and getting bots in to back him up saying that "Valve would never stop him", and he was unsurprisingly banned rather quickly. Some people are like "don't give them attention, that's what they want" but not paying attention to bots is exactly how this crisis started in the first place!! You have to report them!! People need to know!! Other bot hosters have threatened that the minute that Valve stops paying attention, they'll unleash a bot flood on TF2 the likes of which it's never seen. I'd say this is just posturing but they basically did this before already, so I don't doubt they'll do it again if they get the chance. All we can really hope for is that Valve keeps doing its job taking care of the game...

Anyway, since some newer players may not have seen many bots before (sweet summer children, I envy you), here are some things to watch out for. If you see anyone suspicious, report them! Better safe than sorry after everything that's happened.

Similar names, usually with a number after it (Hexatronic [1], Hexatronic [2], Hexatronic [3]). Sometimes a group of real players will just be doing a bit (had a game with a bunch of people with variants on the name "Feral Engineer" who all went Engie) but if you see a lot of the same name, be suspicious.

Names with youtube or discord links in them

No profile pictures or the same profile picture

Usually in groups of 3-6, they don't join a game alone

Almost always picks Sniper (although they do seem to be branching out lately). If your team has more than three Snipers, be suspicious! Watch them and see how they behave, and if the enemy has a lot of Snipers, go Spy and watch them for a while.

Looking straight up and spinning. This is such a classic tell for bots that you'll see it in all kinds of fanart and SFM stuff and such. Number one sign. They're so well known for doing this that Spies imitated them sometimes to sneak past enemy lines.

Erratic, jerky movement. Not like normal lag or bad ping, but weird sharp jerks of the head or spins too fast for a human to make, constantly.

Spams voice commands, usually the "Nice shot!" one. They also like spamming noisemakers like the Birthday one or Winter one.

Never misses a headshot, headshots through walls or shoots invisible Spies. Usually at the top of the scoreboard if they're sticking around. Sometimes has permanent crits on their melee.

Spamming textchat advertising their discord or "bot immunity" services

Spamming voicechat with a lot of awful noise (now that TF2 is healthy again, natural micspam is coming back though, so if someone is playing music or weird sound clips they might not be a bot, just someone being weird or silly. Check for other signs)

No cosmetics, or the achievement based ones like the Pyro goggles, Gibus, or skull hat

Bots are pretty obvious most of the time, so they shouldn't be too hard to spot. Just keep an eye out! A few bots isn't the end of the world, they're inevitable, but we must stay vigilant!

Valve went through and banned a whole bunch of bots yesterday and when I last checked a couple hours ago, the Casual servers are still 99% actual people! If you want to try out TF2 DO IT NOW while you have the chance! Believe me when I say that having matches this clear of bots is RARE. They'll be back in force inevitably in probably a couple days so the window of opportunity here is small. Take the chance to play a normal round of TF2 Casual while you can!

[s-brant]

The Endless Summer (2/?)

(gif: @beccs) (PART ONE) (SERIES MASTERLIST)

Summary: A day out on the water goes awry and puts JJ, John B, and Y/N in danger. With tensions rising and the stakes higher than ever, JJ finds it difficult to control his feelings.

Word Count: 9.1k

Warnings: Angst, implied sexual content, strong language, graphic violence, and JJ being an emotionally confused asshat.

A/N: Welcome back! Thanks for the love on this series, I’m so glad you guys like it and I hope this part is just as good. Things get a little heated in this chapter, so buckle up. Let me know if you enjoyed this. Have fun!

JJ isn't sure why she did it.

He wasn't sure then and he isn't sure now, but he knows one thing for certain: there isn't any going back to how things once were now that the barrier between them came crashing down.

Sweat drips off of his skin from the relentless heat of the Caribbean that has made their recent lives hell with the painful tinge of sunburn atop their tans and heat exhaustion they must be careful to avoid at all costs. They were educated on both topics by Pope, their godsend of a survival encyclopedia in human form, who advised them to spend most of their day outside of necessary tasks like fishing and constructing stable shelter under the shady cover of the treetops.

The sole reason he and John B aren't hiding in the safety of the shade is that it's their day to fish, but he's not thinking about the sun. In fact, neither of them is. They're both wondering where their third fishing buddy is.

It took roughly ten minutes of spearfishing with him in comfortable silence for JJ to finally break and spill his guts about what happened last night. Though there was an unspoken agreement to never tell anyone that their hatred has turned into desire, he couldn't help it. He was going mad trying to unravel it in his head.

After all, he already had a conversation with JB about the recent shift in their behavior with each other by the ocean last night, so it seems fitting to pick up where they left off with the calm and clear blue water in front of them again.

He walks on the jagged outcropping of rock that serves as their perch to observe the fish without disturbing the pattern of the current they swim through with John B closely behind.

"One second she's pissed at me, the next she's all over me. It makes no sense. Then, she didn’t say anything to me after it happened," JJ says with his face hardened into a look of concentration at the fish he squints against the sun to aim at, "Not even "Fuck you, Maybank" or one of her weirdly creative threats. She just sat there all night and talked to everyone but me."

His gaze slips away from the water as his chosen fish disappears from sight before he can bother to throw the spear, eyeing up his friend's reaction to the news.

John B doesn't seem that surprised by it, because who else, aside from everyone else in Kildare who knows of their "hatred" for one another, could've seen it coming as much as he did? He considers it for a second, then props his arm up on the handle side of the spear he digs into the rock to lean against.

"I'm pretty sure that means she likes you."

JJ retorts, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard you say."

Why would anyone ignore a person they like? It makes no sense to him. Every time he wanted a person, he'd simply walk over and make it happen. It's never been difficult for him to pursue the people he finds himself attracted to...Well, except for her. For a guy that also ignored her for the rest of the night and pretended their moment in the woods didn't happen, he has some balls of steel to be chastising her for the same things he did.

John B shrugs and says, "I'm being serious, dude. Sarah wouldn't even acknowledge my existence when I worked on the Druthers, and I thought it was some stuck-up rich person thing but it wasn't."

They shouldn't be talking at all right now as to not scare away the fish, but they do it anyway. They both know he won't let it go until it's out of his system for good. He wouldn't allow himself to forget it if he wanted to, so its better to talk it out than turn stir crazy from ruminating over it 24/7.

Though it's, as he worded it yesterday, hot as balls out, being by the sea lessens the feeling of it by a landslide.

The breeze they crave whenever they work on their huts or forage through the forest for wild berries, coconuts, or potential building supplies blows on them without pause for the time they spend here, which almost makes it more dangerous. They stand under the direct harm of the UV rays frying them without truly feeling it burn yet, and he dreads the next few days in anticipation of the returning sunburn he just peeled off of his shoulders the other day.

JJ walks down the side to get a better view of the water, balancing precariously on the sharpened edge with the spear clenched tightly in one hand. The breeze is strong enough to threaten his balance, but he holds firm and digs his toes into the sedimentary rock for traction. His body sways in the midday sun with the struggle for stability, or, at least he suspects its midday.

Since being stranded here, time is a foreign concept to them. With no phones, clocks, or any guide to go off of other that the position of the sun above to display the hours that pass, they've lost complete track of what day it is, let alone how long minutes or hours truly are in comparison to the endless summer they live within. They suspect it's been a month since they were left here, but, in all honesty, it could be two. None of them had the sense to mark the days in a tally until it was too late.

He says, lifting his arm to throw the spear, "Well, she is a stuck up rich person, so maybe it's just—"

"You know I'm right here, don't you?"

The sound of her voice from a few feet behind them startles JJ into turning around to look at her right when he lets go of the spear.

Unfortunately for him, the jerking movement throws off his carefully distributed weight and skews his balance, making the feet placed on the edge slip from underneath him and send him slipping down into the water. His calf is the first body part to hit the rocks, and the groan of pain he lets out at the feeling of the jagged rock slicing through his skin could make her heart stop mid-beat. But what truly scares her is seeing the back of his head hit the ground too.

Before he can slide the rest of the way into the water, two pairs of hands are grabbing onto his arms and heaving him up with all of their strength. She and John B grit their teeth with the effort it takes to pull him back up, their muscles burning from the strain, and once his feet are over the ledge, he pushes off the rock to help them the rest of the way. Drops of his blood disperse into the water off the edge from where he cut himself, dripping until there's hardly any left.

Once he's safely laid back down a few feet from where he slipped, Y/N is kneeling in front of him in a matter of seconds. The rock beneath her knees opens small cuts into her skin, but she doesn't pay it any heed. She sits on her heels to lessen the minor pain and lean forward to inspect the damage he took with nothing on her mind other than worry.

Soon enough, John B joins her to kneel at his feet as he sits up and watches them eye up his injury as though it’s some sort of ghastly, life threatening thing instead of a gash that won't need stitches. He watches them against the glittering ocean, waves washing up on the rocks around them to sting his wound with saltwater.

"It's a scratch, not an amputation," JJ says.

She ignores him with a frown lining her pretty features and twists his leg by the ankle to get a better view of the wound in the sunlight. It extends up the entire length of his calf, almost from ankle to knee, and dribbles fresh blood onto her hands as well as the ground beneath them. From what he can tell, it doesn't look all too severe. No muscle or bone can be seen, so it's a simple, superficial scratch.

When he doesn't get a response from either her or John B while they're too busy checking out his leg, he says again, "Guys, I'm serious, it's fine."

This time, she doesn't hesitate to answer.

"Yeah, well you may not need stitches but you still have infection to worry about. This wilderness isn't exactly the cleanliest place," she says retorts with as much snark as usual, and he quietly rejoices in the fact that she's finally acting normal after what happened last night, "Not to mention, you hit your head pretty hard. There's no need to act all tough."

He shrugs.

"It's not an act, it really doesn't hurt that bad."

John B stands and smears the blood on his hands off on the front of his shorts.

"I'll be right back, guys, I'm gonna go get stuff to patch him up."

Just like that, they are left plunging into silence as he is running away down the peninsula back to the beach they've claimed as their own.

Silence has always been her least favorite thing to share with JJ. She'd rather anything over it—screaming, fighting, joking, friendly conversation, or even what they did together yesterday night. Anything is preferable over the tense and insufferable feeling of silence when they're alone together with none of their friends, or their playful hatred, between them as a barrier between them.

Instead of seeing the same pestering jerk she always used to when she looks at him, she sees the memory of how he looked at her in the woods. He didn't look at her like she was the worst person to ever walk the planet, or like she was his least favorite Kook "Princess", he looked at her like she meant something to him.

They sit together in uncomfortable silence in the time it takes John B to rush to the beach and back, careful not to slip on the rocks the way JJ did, with the supplies from the dinghy in his arms. It isn't much to work with, but at least it's something to keep the nasty wound on his leg protected from dirt and germs. She's sure he'd leave it uncovered and up to fate if he had it his way.

Before he can set them down on the wet rocks, thus ruining the gauze and bandages in craters filled with ocean water, she gestures at JJ with a stern command, "Take off your shirt."

His brows raise.

"Shit, Princess, take me out to dinner first."

She groans in frustration, "Can you be quiet for a second and actually listen to me for once?"

He catches John B's gaze with wide eyes, but complies nonetheless, reaching down to tug the tank off of his torso by the frayed hem until it's balled up in his closed fist to hand off to her. Her eyes only linger on his body for a quick second on accident before snatching it from him.

Her bloodstained palms lay the shirt out on the flattest stretch of rock she can find to act as a barrier from the small puddles of water to protect the supplies. One nod at John B has him setting them down atop the navy fabric as she glances up at JJ with a smug smile.

"Believe it or not," she taunts, unscrewing the cap to the disinfectant, "I didn't ask for it so you could sit there and look pretty."

The words throw him back in time to their conversation on the beach while they thatched the roof to their hut, and he wonders how long she's been waiting to throw that back in his face since he first said it.

He grins at her as he asks, "You think I'm pretty?" but before he can say more, she's pouring a generous amount of the hydrogen peroxide along the length of his cut without a warning for him to prepare himself. His leg jerks away on instinct to save himself from the burning sensation, but she grips his ankle tightly enough to force him to stay still.

His nose scrunches up with the urge to groan in pain, and he does a little. Through grinding teeth, he winces in response to the peroxide slipping into every cell of open skin and bubbling up like the white water of the waves as it kills the bacteria lingering in the gash.

"Does it hurt now?" Y/N asks.

She's looking up at him through her lashes with her lips curled into a smirk as she packs gauze onto the wound until it's covered to her satisfaction. And it should be the last thing he's thinking about right now after cutting up his leg and hitting his head hard enough to worry her about concussions, but he can't help it. Looking down at her like this, it's impossible for him to not think about the unfinished business they have.

Everything is the same as it was yesterday—the tattered white top, the red panties in place of a bikini, sunburnt cheeks, and a taunting look that he'll never get tired of seeing. But that's precisely why he's reminded of it. She's wearing the same clothes and looking at him the way she did on the beach before any of last night's antics occurred, and he can't keep himself from wondering if it'll happen again.

"Yeah," he finally responds.

Her smirk grows for a second before she gets back to work.

"Good."

JJ subtly eyes her up from where she shifts on her knees to set the open gauze wrappers under the peroxide bottle in exchange for the bandage wrap, but he isn't as subtle as he thinks. She can feel his stare no matter how sneaky he attempts to be. He may be able to evade John B's attention, since he dove into the ocean to retrieve the wooden spear that began to float out in the tide, but she never misses a thing. Not when it comes to him.

When he looks at her, he finds memories.

Her legs folded up beneath her bring him back to how smooth they felt on his palms when he lifted them up around his hips. Her rosy lips pressing into a line in concentration bring him back to the coconut flavor he tasted on them. Her nipples poking against the fabric of her shirt bring him back to when he lifted it up over her breasts to suck at the sensitive skin until he got a moan from her—There isn't a place he can stare without going back to last night.

Part of him hates that.

He can't stand that a girl who he spent the last five years hating has found a way into his daydreams. Why couldn't it have been anyone else? Why did she have to lure him into her trap? He supposes there's nothing he can do about it now, though. After hours of stewing over it, he's reached the conclusion that it was likely a one-time thing, a mistake made in the heat of the moment that she won't make again, and he should get the idea of it out of his head.

When she has to adjust her grip to hold the gauze in place while she wraps the bandage around his leg, he sucks in a sharp breath through his teeth and jerks away again. She glances up at him with her best, "Are you kidding me?" face. Didn't he say he was tough?

"I'm starting to think you're a sadist, 'cause it's like you're trying to make it hurt," he says.

She gasps, feigning offense.

"Me? Enjoying this? It's not like we've hated each other for years or anything."

And though he may not realize it, this is her way of distracting him from the pain of having her apply added pressure to his cut while she wraps the bandage into place. It has to be tight enough to keep water and sand out, but not so tight that it cuts off circulation, and while it may have been tolerable without her touching it, the contact is enough to make it worse for him.

He asks, "Uh, speaking of, why are you the one doing this? Isn't it some kind of HIPAA thing to treat patients you've threatened to violate with tree branches before?"

The sound of her laughter makes his stomach flutter with butterflies, and he wonders what the hell is wrong with him.

"That's not what HIPAA is, genius"—her eyes crinkle at the sides with her wide smile while she wraps his leg—"and I'm the one doing this because I know way more medical shit than the rest of you."

Even Pope.

"Ohhh right, I forgot. Your dad is this hotshot surgeon and that makes you think you know everything," he taunts.

The casual mention of her father makes her chest ache with something not many of the Pogues, excluding Pope, have felt since being stranded on this island. With their parents either disowning them, absent, abusive, or dead, they have no reason to resist the allure of living here for the months or years it may take to be rescued, but she does.

She misses him.

For the longest time since her mom died, it was her and her dad versus the world. In everything they did, they did it together, and before she met Sarah, he was the closest she had to a best friend. Since they had no other family to help watch her as a child, she grew up in the hospital with him, drawing with crayons on his office’s printer paper with her babysitter and picking up small things along the way from watching him for so long.

He could've chosen to leave her at home, sure, but he didn't want to miss out on seeing her more than he already did, so she spent the majority of her childhood in offices, waiting rooms, and the indoor playground of the PEDs wing.

She takes a deep breath to steady herself after the sucker punch of being reminded of her dad and says, "Well, I know enough and, thankfully for you, I'm the one doing this instead of John B."

From far away, twenty or so feet offshore where their friend is paddling through the water with the lost spear held in one hand, they hear John B shouting an offended, "I heard that!" back at her. It draws a soft chuckle from them both, and she silently thanks him for distracting JJ one last time as she finishes and secures the bandage so it won't unravel.

She wipes her hands off on her water-soaked thighs one more time to get as much of his blood off of her fingers as possible before she reaches out with both arms extended to offer him help to stand. He takes them with a murmured, "Thanks," as they both try not to show how affected they are by the casual touch.

It makes them feel pathetic that something as small as holding each other's hands makes them remember what they did and desperately wish to continue it. Her throat bobs with how she must swallow the lump in her throat at their close proximity, barely breathing now that he's standing close to her with less than a few inches between them.

For a second, they don't move away. They stay face to face, and all she can think of is how badly she wants to kiss him again. But she can't do anything yet, not when she hears someone screaming from the water.

"There's a shark!" John B screams as he paddles back faster than he's ever swam in his life, already close enough to the peninsula that they can see the terror in his eyes when they turn to look.

Surely enough, there a tip of a fin too pointed to pass off as a dolphin cutting through the surface of the water to alert them of the fish's presence, but if that weren't enough, the water is clear enough for them to see its outline.

Thankfully for him, it isn't huge. It looks about as long as he is tall, but that doesn't change the degree of danger. Just because it isn't as big as other sharks doesn't make a bite any less lethal, especially when their only form of medical attention rests on her knowledgeable yet inexperienced shoulders.

For once in his life, JJ is frozen with no clue of what to do.

He's always the man with the plan, the one who jumps into action when others choke up and sit on the sidelines, but this makes him falter. What can he do to help other than stand here and pray John B can out-swim a shark? He's helpless, and now that he's faced with the prospect of losing his best friend for a second time, he doesn't know what to do.

It was his blood in the water that must have attracted the shark, and he was so caught up in his own drama with her and the pain of his cut that he didn't consider the danger of John B jumping in to retrieve the spear he dropped. It's his fault. His best friend is about to be eaten by a shark and it's his fault—

The blurred image of her rushing past in his peripheral vision rips him from his stormy thoughts, and right when he thought it couldn't get worse, it does. Water splashes up around her body and swallows her under the surface after she leaps off the edge of the rock with the aluminum spear from the dinghy raised in her dominant arm.

"Y/N!"

Before he even realizes what he's doing, JJ is screaming out her name, screaming it like he cares, and damns the consequences to dive in after her.

While he was frozen, she sprung into action without thinking of her own life first. She knew he was close to the rock, but not close enough to swim faster than a predator designed for the conditions of the ocean. It took one glance at the spear resting to the side for her to lean down, scoop it up, and get a running start to jump out as far as humanly possible. Various joints and muscles ached from how she strained to push herself far off the rock, taking flight with nothing but their survival in mind.

She sucks in a heaving breath upon breaking the surface, but she doesn't take a second to pause with John B paddling up to her so soon.

"Go back!"

The only answer she gives him is, "Use your spear!" before she brings hers out of the water in anticipation of the grey figure bolting straight for them.

It's a stupid plan, but it's the only one she has, and if one of them is in danger, they'd all risk everything they have to protect them. After all, they're already trapped here with the threat of death every day. Is there anything more worthy of dying for than your friends?

Neither of them is necessarily trying to kill it yet either, they're trying to keep it at a safe distance or hurt it enough so it swims away from them, but she puts all of her strength into spearing the fish between the eyes anyway. Her legs kick tirelessly to keep her afloat while she and John B stab as accurately as they can, choking down a mouthful of salty ocean water from how her head sinks at the surface without the help of her arms to keep her up.

Blood stains the water with a crimson hue spreading out around their bodies—whether it's theirs or the shark's, she doesn't know—and she must keep her lips clamped shut to prevent it from spilling into her mouth, breathing solely through her nose. She can tell her legs are soon to give out on her, but then a pair of hands latch onto her body. Call her irrational or stupid, but even with the clear distinction of human hands on her waist, her mind reacts in instinctual fear.

The touch makes her jolt mid-stab and sobers her feral mind back to reality for a moment until she realizes it's a human touching her, not the shark.

It's JJ.

His arms wrap around her thighs and hoist her up out of the water as much as he can while still swimming, effectively pushing himself underwater with one last gasp for air.

The sudden shift in view has her gaze shifting around to take in the new sights with a gush of red water rushing off of her onto the splashing surface: a light grey tail whips around in the chaos, the shark's head oozes blood from the multiple puncture wounds that didn't push quite deep enough, and its jaws snap right where John B's arm is before he yanks it back.

After a fraction of a second, it clicks with her that there's no time to waste watching her friend almost get his arm chomped off while she takes in the unbelievable sight. Her slippery grip on the handle remains as firm as possible, and she raises the spear over her head with an improved accuracy she never could've had from where she previously aimed it before. All of their shots landed well enough, but with the height advantage, she won't allow herself to fuck it up this time with her friend's life hanging in the balance.

She hardly recognizes her own frantic voice shouting at him, "Spear it in the gills!"

Her hands bring the razor-sharp tip of the spear down into its head repeatedly, and she isn't sure whether it's the splashing water or tears wetting her face when she buries the weapon down into it for a final time right when John B lodges his wooden spear in its gills.

Whatever she did, it must've hit its brain, because the animal halts its thrashing. Its teeth no longer snap at her friend, nor does its tail whip around in the water as violently as it did a moment ago.

As quickly as it started, it drops off into a sickening calm that leaves the white bubbles dissolving into a puddle of bloody water surrounding the trio and the fish that dies with no small amount of guilt on her part. There was no choice but to kill it. It makes her ache on the inside, but how could she regret it if she knows it saved them? The guilt might ravage her for the upcoming days, but she can't bring herself to regret jumping in after him.

She hardly has the chance to process it before she's being pulled away by both of the boys, her view of the scene shifting drastically once more with the abrupt drop of JJ letting her down in favor of guiding her through the gentle waves. His calloused hand squeezes her arm enough to cut circulation off on their journey back.

Time rushes past her in the next thirty seconds or so it takes them to reach the peninsula again in a paranoid sprint away from where the dead fish floats. One of them, John B she thinks, tosses the aluminum spear he dislodged from the shark's head up onto the rocks and clambers his way back up on his own. The waves closer to land grow rougher than the tender current out where they killed the shark, and she grunts in pain as one sends her and JJ straight into the rocks. His body hits her back with a solid ‘thump’ and forces her to wheeze with the wind getting knocked from her lungs upon impact, nails cracking on the black rock from the desperate grip she uses in an attempt to lift herself.

Meanwhile, JJ can't seem to catch his breath either, nor can he think of anything other than her once he sees that John B isn’t injured.

As soon as he sees his friend is unmarked from the teeth of the shark after he's out of the water, he positions himself behind Y/N to help her out first. He places his hands on her backside to push her up as quickly as he can. Knowing that the carcass in the water will soon attract more sharks in the surrounding area into a feeding frenzy, he'd rather it be him than her. It's a thought that shoots by too fast for him to fully acknowledge the meaning or weight of it at a time like this.

Somehow within his adrenaline-crazed mind, he is careful not to push her onto the jagged edge that sliced his leg open earlier, then climbs after her with little space left between them.

She's coughing up saltwater onto the rocks as he scrambles over to her, eyes wild with the petrifying worry of anything bad happening to her. They scan over her arms, legs, stomach, and back, and he doesn't even realize his hands are reaching out to inspect her as frantically as she had with him when he got hurt.

His hands cup her face, petting over her dripping hair and forcing her to look up so he can see if she somehow got hit in the face. Never has his mind been so void of rational thought, and, knowing him and his impulsive tendencies, that's saying a lot. The confusion of his contradictory feelings for her muddle his mind. Worry and hatred, attraction and anger—they battle it out, but only two manage to reach him externally.

Worry and anger it is. Worry for obvious reasons. Anger because—

"What the fuck were you thinking?"

She has never heard him sound so vicious since the start of whatever odd relationship/friendship/enemy-ship they have. With his worried expression and how he checked her entire body for injury after helping her out of the water, the last thing she would've anticipated from him was anger. Especially not after she saved his best friend's life. Considering what she just did for him, she thinks he should be thanking her, not chastising her.

Behind her back, she can hear a collection of yelling voices and splashing footsteps over the water dripping from them. It can only be the rest of their friends racing up the peninsula to them, but she can't turn around.

She stares at him with utter confusion flooding her at his unexpected outburst. Speechless.

"What was I thinking?" she asks incredulously with her face still cradled between his hands, "I was saving John B's life!"

Their emotional distance and disagreement are made up for in abundance by how physically entangled they've become. It wasn't intentional. It was a result of him needing to get close enough to scour her exposed skin for any bites, but now that they're sitting so near to each other, they forget to back away.

John B is too busy to engage with them.

He's doubled over on the ground with the compulsion to vomit the contents of his stomach into the ocean, but he doesn't dare get close to the edge again after what they went through. Instead, he positions himself away from them and their approaching friends until the half-digested food is forced back through his mouth. The acidic bile scorches his throat and nostrils on the way out.

JJ doesn't have the opportunity to retort back something about her being stupid, because Pope is the first person to reach them and ask, "What the hell happened?"

The rest of the group isn't far behind. It's Kie who asks the next question, then Sarah, then Cleo. They all pop off in rapid succession before either of the three of them can answer.

"Are any of you hurt?"

"Why is he throwing up?"

"Is that a shark?"

The last question draws everyone's attention over to the half-sunken mass of fish bobbing up and down on the breaths of the sea with a wooden spear sticking straight out of its gills. Though it isn't the biggest, most intimidating shark to roam the ocean, its presence doesn't fail to make everyone who looks at it shudder with the realization of what must have happened.

John B wipes his mouth with the back of his hand and points over at her with his trembling arm outstretched.

"She killed it."

The four of them whip their heads in her direction, jaws nearly falling off their faces in disbelief, but she doesn't say anything yet. Because as soon as they feel the eyes of their friends burning into them, she and JJ realize, as though they're returning to reality from the hazy layers of a dreamscape, that they're still holding each other.

She's slumped halfway onto him from when he hauled her body closer to inspect her, so she's essentially sitting on top of him at this point. Her legs, bruised and scratched up from when the waves crested to send them crashing into the rocks, are entangled around his enough that they look back and forth between them and where his hands cup her face in surprise.

JJ doesn't know what came over him.

Now that he snaps out of it at the same time as her, both of them separating and nudging each other away until their bodies are no longer entwined, he feels his cheeks flush in embarrassment.

When he saw her leaping past him to jump into the water, his mind shut off. He wasn't thinking about himself, or the possibility of getting killed, or anything at all. He was only thinking of the danger she put herself in, then he dove in and the rest of his conscious mind faded away into pure survival instinct. Yet, even after he knew the immediate danger was gone, the adrenaline kept him on edge, desperate to get her back to land and pray none of them were hurt.

"It was trying to attack him," she rasps. Her throat is raw from the saltwater she choked on, and every word burns. "But we did it together."

She pushes herself off the ground with an exhausted sigh.

Muscles spent from the struggle in the water, her legs wobble beneath the weight of her upper body as she takes a few steps to help John B up from his position on his hands and knees. From what she heard, he has thrown up all he has left in his stomach and hasn't gagged again in a minute or so, so attempting to stand again shouldn't be too strenuous for him.

His hand is cold in her grasp from the water soaking their bodies, but it holds firmly enough for her to help him into his feet without their palms slipping apart. No patches of blood are visible on his shorts, nor are there any puncture wounds on him from the sharp teeth that snapped at his arm in the quick but vigorous fight.

They were very, very fortunate to have made it out alive, and when he looks down at her face, he feels nothing but gratitude for the girl he previously saw as nothing more than his girlfriend's best friend. They went into the water as casual acquaintances, companions of convenience and the happenstance of being forced onto this island together, but they've come out of it differently. Now, they're friends.

Now, she's a Pogue.

He smiles at her, glancing up at their friends as their questions die down at the sight of his crazy grin, and says, "That was some real Pogue shit right there, Y/N." His eyes come back to meet hers. "I think it's about time we officially make you one of us. What do you think?"

She's opening her mouth to respond when Kiara cuts her off. The rest of them are staring at the trio as if they have ten heads sprouting from their bodies for not immediately surrendering more details of their near-death encounter other than saying she killed it.

"I'm sorry, can we please rewind to the part where you got attacked by a shark first?"

"Ladies and gentlemen, can I get a drumroll please for..."

The campfire is roaring with the abundance of sticks, leaves, and branches thrown onto the pile to fuel it as she feels a strong pair of arms looping around her thighs to lift her into the expansive, star-flecked sky.

In a flash of haunting memory, she relives the moment where JJ dove into the water after her and lifted her body above the surface to give her the high ground over the shark. She relives its thrashing hunger, the water splashing on her, and the cloudy hue of blood around them that she hoped wasn't either of the boys. For a second, as the world grows taller with her new perspective, she is brought back to the sudden shift she felt then and feels her stomach drop in panic, anticipating the danger.

But then the sound of her friends laughing, as well as the surging fire and crashing waves, comes back to her and forces the frightful flashback away. Her hip fits perfectly in the curve of John B's shoulder, and she lets her head fall back in giggling laughter at how he hoists her up in the air as though she's a holy figure of worship for the Pogues to kneel to.

His voice can likely be heard across the entire island when he shouts, "The Shark Conqueror!"

The group erupts into a triumphant mixture of cheers and laughter that fills the beach, everyone celebrating in their narrow escape earlier today...everyone except JJ.

After John B divulged the gory details of what happened, from JJ's fall to her picking up the spear and jumping in to save him from the shark, they made their way back with enough conversation to last the month. They all asked questions and took peeks back at where it happened in morbid curiosity, wondering how on earth they managed to come out of the situation without a scratch.

The rest of the afternoon continued on with the same buzzing energy that can only be created from the thrill of being alive. She's felt it many times since joining Sarah's group of friends that seem to find trouble wherever they go, but she has never felt it as vehemently as she does tonight. It's a mixture of euphoria, shock, and soul-crushing guilt for having to hurt another living creature, even one that was intending to make a meal of her friend.

No matter how much she grows up or discovers more about herself as a person, feelings never stop being as frustrating as they were to her as a child. You can get better at processing and hindering explosive reactions to them, but they never simplify. She doesn't know why she feels so much at once. She doesn't know why she feels simultaneously on top of the world and thrown off the edge of a cliff, but she thinks it has to do with him.

Since they walked back to the beach and talked about what happened until the day withered into night, which led them here to the “official” ceremony of her being named a Pogue for life, JJ hasn't spoken to her once.

Suddenly, the shoe is on the other foot.

Much like how she avoided him all night last night leading into this morning, he doesn't talk to her. He tries not to look at her too from where he sits on the log of driftwood across the fire, but it's somewhat inevitable with the spectacle John B is making of her at the moment.

Painted in the warm tones of the firelight like a goddess in her own right, Y/N is impossible to look away from, and it makes him angrier than he already is. A handwoven circlet crafted from the hibiscus and hippeastrum flowers growing in the forest around their camp sits atop her head. It doesn't fall to the ground with the movement of her throwing her head back in laughter. It stays in its rightful place against the rule of gravity until her face comes back into view for him to quickly look away from.

It dampers her laughter to see him avoiding her gaze so adamantly, taking a swig of water from one of the small cups they carved from wood and turning to talk to Kie to keep himself busy. The distinct sensation of being on top of the world slips away with the feeling of his cold avoidance and John B lowering her back to the ground until her bare feet sink into the soft sand.

Before she can start sulking about it for the foreseeable future, Sarah steps up beside her.

The familiar touch of a hand on her shoulder brings her comfort amidst her confusion and hurt over the way JJ is acting, and when she turns to see a pretty face looking fondly at her, a warm smile finds her lips.

"Pogue for life?" Sarah asks.

The three words bring make her smile grow the same way it had when she was talking to JJ on the peninsula. It crinkles the skin around her eyes with its unrestrained happiness to hear them because, as much as she pretends to let JJ's comments roll off of her, tonight marks one of the first times she's felt at home with them.

That's not to say they haven't made her feel welcome in the past, they did, but this isn’t the same. This is closer, this is the type of bond that's forged in situations like these where people have no choice but to rely on each other or let their worlds collectively fall apart, and she thinks, for the first time, that she could live here with them forever if she must.

None of them know how much time has passed since they arrived here, least of all her, but it sure as hell feels like an eternity. At first, she could barely withstand the idea of living here for months with the intention of being rescued as soon as possible, but now...

She brings Sarah into an embrace tight enough to force the air from their lungs.

"Pogue for life," she echoes back with her face buried into the salt-scented tresses of dirty blonde hair cascading over her tan shoulders.

Would it be crazy of her to think that this is where they're meant to be? That they're her family and this place she has fantasized about escaping is now their home?

After all, the lush island provides everything they need to sustain themselves with the rationing, scavenging, and hunting routines they adhere themselves to. Freshwater runs down the land in a stream from a water source uphill, plenty of different edible plants grow in the forest, and there's so much left of the expansive land to explore; it's perfect. Everything here is perfect for them, calling out to them to make it their home, but there's one little problem as of right now, and he's sitting across the fire behind her back.

Sarah's arms squeeze around her shoulders once to bring her in even closer.

"Thank you for saving him," her voice is so hushed, Y/N can hardly hear it with her lips brushing the shell of her ear to whisper into it, "I'm not gonna get all mushy with you right now, but I don't know what I would've done if"—Sarah's breath hitches in her throat, and she shakes her head—"I just wanted to thank you."

When they pull apart, Y/N is looking back at her with a knowing expression, one that says everything she can't in the presence of the others, and Sarah can't help but mirror it.

It isn't long before the blonde-haired beauty is whisked away by her boyfriend to help him cook the crabs they caught closer to shore after their encounter with the shark. Not wanting to swim out or risk slipping off the rocks again with the dead fish promising to lure more predators to their area for the next week or so, they settled for hunting for shellfish and making good use of the fruits they find growing in wild abundance in the forest.

The night ticks away in swiftly passing minutes thanks to the humorous company of the people around her.

She nearly chokes on a mouthful of banana as Cleo tells a story from before she met them, when she used to live in Nassau and work jobs with Terence and Stubbs on ships. For such new additions to the group, they both fit surprisingly well with the lifelong childhood friends that sit around and banter with such ease together.

They talk, laugh, dance, and eat together, and there are moments when she feels happier than ever. There are moments exactly like when John B lifted her up and made her giggle at how their friends cheered on her behalf in indulgence of the silly "ceremony" they did, half out of boredom and half out of gratitude for what she did. But then she is reminded of the man sitting on the outskirts of the group with his features hardened into an expression of contemplation she wishes she could decode.

The night breeze feels heavenly on her perpetually overexposed skin. It blows into the fire and allows it to swell from the oxygen supply, crackling and popping embers out every so often like the spark of the zippo lighter JJ fidgets with in his restless hands. The movement attracts her wandering eyes while they should be focused on Cleo and Kie dancing around the fire with boisterous laughter while Sarah and Pope sing for them.

She keeps herself honed in on the opening and closing of the lighter under the guidance of his ring-clad fingers for the next minute or so.

They may have been pitting themselves against each other since they met, but that doesn't mean she doesn't know him well. If anything, the keen attention that her old hatred for him forced her to keep on him made her memorize everything there is to know. And she surely has picked up on the nervous habit of him playing with the lighter whenever he's thinking, whenever there's something crawling under his skin that he can't piece together.

He sits with his back to her, facing out toward the ocean so all she can see is the hand he uses to flick the lighter open and shut with. With a quick glance at the rest of their friends to see if any of them are watching or wanting to speak with her, she pushes herself up from the log and dusts her sandy palms on her shirt.

The tracks of her footsteps lead around the corner of the driftwood he rests against until her feet appear, sunken into the sand in front of him. It takes a lot of control to not allow himself to follow up the length of her body, panning up along her legs until he sees that infuriatingly tenderhearted set of eyes looking down at him.

However, he doesn't have a choice in looking when her hand outstretches in a silent invitation. His first glimpse of her in the last half-hour shows her jerking her chin in the direction of the beach curving around the bend of the island.

This morning, he probably would've taken her up on the offer. He would've done anything to get a few minutes alone with her, but now he can't see past his anger and doesn't know why. He doesn't know why it hasn't calmed yet, but, in truth, it has more to do with him than it does her idiotic yet brave decision to fight off a shark today. Trust him, it still has a lot to do with the idiotic shark thing, but the rest is lost in translation for him.

"Not in the mood," he dismisses her.

Her brows furrow and form a crease between them as she tries to find something to say but comes up with nothing. At least not until it clicks with her what he thought she was trying to do by inviting him to walk with her.

The last time they went off on their own together, it ended in an explosive encounter they have yet to erase from their minds. It's what greets them whenever they close their eyes for a second too long, existing in their wildest daydreams and fantasies whenever they have a spare moment to themselves. Hell, he can't stop thinking about it even when he's already occupied. It was the reason why he didn't catch any fish this morning before the incident that made him pissed at her in the first place. He couldn't stop thinking of her.

"Oh," she murmurs and starts to kneel down until her knees are sinking into the sand the same way she did when patching up his leg. Her eyes peek over his shoulder to ensure the others didn't hear them—"That wasn't what I meant...I was just wondering if you wanted to talk about today. It must have been a lot to process, since he's your best friend and all, and—"

JJ snaps, unable to tolerate it anymore, and stands up from his spot on the sand to move away from her.

"You don't need act all therapist with me, okay? I'm fine, and I don't need you to fix me if that's what you wanted. Today was fine. Everything's fine, so let it go."

Her mouth opens and closes like a fish with a loss for words. For the second time in the span of a minute, she is grasping blindly for something to say in the wake of him shocking her to silence. He's starting to walk past her but she doesn't let him. Her hand shoots out to stop him and holds onto his arm to turn him back despite his rudeness.

Underneath it all, her concern touches him deeply. It shouldn't trigger a reaction like this in him, so why does it? What about today set him off? He hasn't been this genuinely angry with her since before the hunt for the gold began, before she started to blend into their friend group and establish herself as one of them.

"Woah, woah, woah," she says, "I never said that. I thought that you needed someone to talk to. You know, as a friend."

Their friends start to notice their interaction tensing up now. Before, they didn't pick up on her stepping away for a second to check on him. Now, it's impossible to ignore what unfolds hardly six steps from where they watch as slyly as they can. The two of them haven't had a conversation as cold as this one in months, and what he says next takes it to a place that freezes over the connection they made last night and shatters the warm place it held in her heart.

He scoffs.

"We're not friends. If you think you gotta act different 'cause you threw yourself at me last night, don't bother. You hate me and I hate you. That's how it is."

No nicknames, jokes, or anything to act as a buffer, just cruelty. Rejection.

Though they truly were trying to pretend like they weren't paying attention, every single one of their friends stops and stares. A chorus of hushed reactions sound off from across the fire, and the faint sound of Kie muttering, "Oh shit," is the first thing to reach their ears. It's needless to say that none of them could've expected something so callous to come from him, not after what they saw when they ran up to them on the peninsula this morning.

With the way he was holding her then, doting on her and cradling her face between his hands even in the midst of his anger at what she did, they sooner expected the pair to admit they're dating than have a blowout like this.

In the delayed seconds it takes for her to realize what the fuck he just said to her, he watches her face shift from a look of concern to sadness, to flush-faced embarrassment, then finally to anger. Her teeth grind together, nostrils flaring on her inhale, and in one quick moment, she comes to a conclusion within herself.

She reaches up to rip the handmade crown of vibrant flowers off her head with flames to match the camp fire flaring up in her eyes for him. Before she can do anything, he already knows he crossed a line, if not multiple lines. It's evident in everything he sees, from the hurt look on her face to the force with which she shoves the crown into the center of his chest to send him stumbling back a few steps. Just like yesterday, except it couldn't be any more different.

"Fuck. You." She spits the words as though they're venomous, and he almost shrinks away under the intensity of her stare, “Go find somewhere else to sleep tonight, 'cause it sure as hell isn't gonna be with me."

Petals flutter out upon impact against his solid chest and float peacefully to the sand around his feet as he watches her turn on her heels and storm off toward their hut. Though, after what he did and what she said to him as a goodbye, it isn't really theirs anymore, is it? At least not for tonight, tomorrow, or the next day until he finds a way to make her hear him out for an apology.

He stands there, frozen, the entire time he watches her leave. Nothing can move him from the spot, not even Sarah knocking her shoulder against his with a pointed glare on her way past to follow her into the moonlit darkness.

He doesn't even resist the disappointed looks he gets, or the shoulder check from Sarah. This time, he deserves it. He deserves every ounce of their judgment. All she was trying to do was make sure he was okay and he was too consumed in his unreleased frustration from today to see it. And, in a way, he's still frustrated over it, but it's greatly overshadowed by the guilt seeping through him.

The shadowy shapes of the two girls disappear into the small hut further down the beach, and JJ is left with nothing to do but look down at the flower crown clutched to his chest in regret.

Tag List: @gabiatthedisco, @fangirlvoice, @black-syren, @apparrio, @particularcth, @planetdemon, @idk-ijustworkhere, @krisphann, @astrydis, @k-k0129, @zarahsloves, and @stilesflannels.

[picnokinesis]

hello! I’ve just wanted to say that all the meta you’ve written on mathematique has been pretty illuminating. big thanks for that! also, don’t even know if you’re still following cleanwhiteroom’s updates but fod rewrites has been pretty insane right? in many ways, but specifically in terms of overall triptych. there’s so much to unpack especially when it comes to ancient ‘riley’…..

Ahh hello!! This is so nice ahh, I'm so happy you liked the meta and found it enlightening!! <3 It was so much fun to write hahaha. And yes, I know I've been pretty quiet here cwr-wise, but I have 100% definitely been following the rest of the math and ad noc chapters, and then ALL THE FOD REWRITES?? I have been steadily loosing my mind hahah! There's just! SO much!! I've actually been wanting to do another post about the changes since ad noc chapters 6 and 7 went up, which was like....half a year ago?? Guh. But yeah I've been so busy and just not have the time, energy or motivation to sit down and write out another essay rip (also I'm currently about two chapters behind on fod 2.0, I last read chapter 43, I think? Maybe 44, I don't remember). But man, there is a lot of new stuff to dig into, isn't there? Especially in fod, but just like you said, it's stuff that relates to ALL the verses - like MAN the whole conversation with Ancient!Riley and Young, all the changes there were just fascinating - like the idea of seven arrays (or, I suppose, bundles of adjacent timelines) and then the fact that THREE of them are crucial/threatening to the integrity of the multiverse?? (or something like that - it's late here and I've been on trains for 12 hours across the last two days so forgive me for not going to check the actual chapter) So like, I think it's so obvious that I don't need to say but I'm gonna say it anyway - those three key arrays are our triptych, for SURE. And it makes me all the more curious about math in particular, because if we assume from the little snippets that cwr stuck up on tumblr back in the day for the adnoc verse that cwr is intending for Rush and Volker to end up on Destiny, I can 100% see why Ancient!Riley would be, uh. Let's say concerned to have a very traumatised pyromaniac at the helm of that verse. But then, math? Man, the more I think about it the more it fascinates me, because I'm sure this means that they're all gonna end up on Destiny, somehow, but like Volker is so much more a lynchpin in that verse, right? But then we have Rush going to Atlantis, based on the last few chapters we have of math, and from the changes we have in fod 2.0, we know that Rush's P=NP related skills are a significant reason why he's so good with using Destiny's systems and making work-arounds....so like, I've still got one foot solidly in the 'math!rush will go to Destiny' camp, and I feel like for that verse to end up on Riley's 'list of troublesome verses', Rush has gotta get to Destiny, right?? Like, man, it almost feels wrong to suggest he WOULDN'T because...well, it's Rush and Destiny, yknow!! It would feel kinda unbalanced if he got there in adnoc and fod but not math. Also, unhinged scientists have got to threaten the integrity of the multiverse somehow, and he's certainly not doing it from Atlantis, or the ancients would have done it from Atlantis. And - idk man, Rush has got a serious drive to actually fly into the collision point between d-branes and try to change something (even if he knows that, fundamentally, he can't), and it's that point that Riley seems bothered about. Volker, though? Hm. Idk, in math he seems to have pretty much accepted that he can't go back to his old life. Would he and Telford fly into it for the sake of science? Yeah, I mean they pretty much certainly would lol but my point is that the desperation to do it, compounded together by the AI's desire and Rush's, is a key component to the whole issue, yeah? And I don't get the same vibe from Volker, you get me? BUT. I may be wrong! I have no idea what's gonna happen and it's great.

ANYWAY this ended up long - but yeah!! There's so much more than this to unpack and maaaaybe one day I'll get the brain space again to do a Proper Post about it. We'll see!

[corysmiles]

Sup! I'm back from Barcelona! Hope you're doing well!

Remember that sbi rust prompt you gave me a month or 2 ago? It is done (not readproff tho so there may be some mistakes) anyway enjoy my grand return!

Edit: did you know 250 paragraphs is the limit lenght to an ask? On an unrelated note I will have to cut this into multiple parts so enjoy this first chapter!

-----

"Whaaat the-"

Wilbur took a step back, mouth agape and watched the figure inside of the dome. A human, identical in the looks, if not for the size of it.

When he went to explore the looming monument that rose from near his house, he expected food or scientific papers, perhaps some gas masks and equipment, not a... giant.

Weren't those things a myth?? Just a silly fictional creature to scare children away, not... not real and THERE, sleeping right in front of him??

The thing was curled up on himself, unable to fit in the 30ft wide sphere if going to its full lenght.

Wilbur was trapped in the walls of flesh.

And to his dismay, he was just in time to witness the creature wake up.

Lazily, they opened their eyes, squinting. They looked at their surroundings, the roof, the walls, the floor.

And the man was able to pinpoint the exact moment their eyes landed on him.

They gasped softly, almost mute. Their eyes widened, and they stood here, studying the punny intrudor for a too long moment. Only after, they spoke, barely above a whisper.

"Uhm... hello."

Wilbur expected the giant to speak, seeing how akin to a human he was, but he didn't expect such a young voice to be held by the.... boy?

"Hey." Wilbur waved, hand as shaking and hesitant as his voice.

"... What's your name?" They spoke.

Wilbur gulped, more on instinct. "Uuh, Wilbur. Who are you? What are you doing here?" He pointed.

They nodded in a hum before looking at the floor below, eyes a bit blurry.

"I...my name is Tommy. And uh... this is where I sleep."

The stare the human kept on the boy was intense, full of disbelief and curiosity. It was uncomfortable.

He shifted a bit. And Wilbur's eyes darted towards the small movements. Ah, right. Humans were hyperaware.

"It's been a while since I met someone around here."

"Yeah, I can imagine that... ever since the nuclear incident, it's been quite the task to find someone." Wilbur explained. What did this being knew exactly?

"Oh... I see." He lowered his head, before letting it rest on the floor, and holy shit he was even bigger than he thought.

He swallowed the lump back down his throat, and sat legs crossed.

The giant, which looked like a teenager now that he got to see his face up close, kept looking at him, expression almost bored.

Then, without much a warning, he lifted his hand and moved it towards the human, who instantly scrumbled away as fast as he could.

"wowowwoowowo- what-"

The hand froze, and when he looked at Tommy, the expression was sad, almost hurt.

Silence filled the room for a minute.

"Sorry" the giant apologized. "I must be quite scary, huh?"

Without much thinking, wilbur nodded. "Um, yeah"

"It's okay, I'm not gonna hurt you." He reassured, his voice pathetic. "Can I come closer?"

Wilbur looked at the hand, then at the teen. He took a deep breath before nodding, earning a pleased smile from the blond.

More careful, a hand thrice his size came to him, fingers slowly wrapping themselves around the human. He tensed, unwilling to move an inch despite his mind begging him to get out of here.

He closed his eyes in anticipation, but after a minute of stillness, he felt a rough pressure on his head, ruffling his hairs.

"Wha- what are you doing?" He asked, refusing to open his eyes yet.

Before he got an answer, the mass, which he recognized as a thumb, moved from playing with the hair to caress his skin as gently as possible.

With much hesitation, the human opened his eyes and met the face of the teen, who beared an expression of pure shock and wonder.

As the thumb rubbed against his cheek, he inhaled, shivered.

"You're so small... so fragile..."

His face was washed with a wave of sadness, while Wilbur drew his hand closer to the gun hidden in his jacket.

"How do you feel, wilbur? Do you feel fragile?" His voice was as sad as unreadable.

And at the moment, Wilbur did feel as powerless as a bug stuck in a web. A tall, wide web. Not that he would tell Tommy.

"... Is that a threat?" He asked instead.

"No, I'm just curious." A sort of melancholy couldn't leave the giant's face. "If I were to threaten someone, it would be because they acted like a bitch. You're not a bitch as far as I know."

The curse took Wilbur off guard, and he found himself giggling at the vocabulary. The blong smiled as well.

Then, the thumb moved from the face and slowly descended to cover his chest (entirely)

And....

It felt... like a hug?

How long has it been since Wilbur has been hugged.

The gesture was confusing.

"... why?" He voiced.

"I don't know. I know people like hugs. Makes them feel safe."

He eyed the fingers around him before focusing, wary, on the face.

"What are you planning to do to me?"

"Huh?!" He raised eyebrow and his hands left Wilbur's surrounding in a too quick motion, gesturing in defense. "Nothing!! I just want you to be comfortable. Been a while since I talked to anyone." Without the giant controling his volume, Wilbur had to cover his ear at the sudden booming sound.

He nodded nontheless, still unsure, and the silence drawn out.

"...why did you want to explore the dome?"

For some reason, the echoing voice was quite soothing to the human's ears, now that it was bearable. He took a few steps and put his hand on the part of the dome not blocked by an enormous mass. His finger carressed the copper walls until he was sat.

"I wanted to explore. I don't live very far, and this structure intrigued me. I expected to find some researches, not.... uh..."

Tommy smiled and understood the man without him having to finish. "Yeah. I'm not really something to be expected."

He nodded. "And you've been here for a while?"

"Not so much." The giant responded, "I usually travel from place to place trying to survive, pretty much like everyone else."

"I see..."

"I can try and look out for any paper or stuff if you want, so next time you come, I can hand them over."

Wilbur paused. The idea of returning to the giant made him frown, but the blond did seem to hold no grudges against him.

".... Maybe." He landed on.

And visibly, the teen was elated at the news, his grin growing to his ear and his hands joining in a clap. (As gentle as he could to not make the small man deaf.)

"Welp." He got up, before he got a sugar overdose from seeing that excitment. "I think I'm gonna head back."

"Do you want me to help you get back home?" The other proposed, enthusiast.

"No."

It was quiet for a moment, silence only disturbed by the giant shifting position. It was... unusual. But the enormous teen didn't seem hostile, and if Wilbur could get himself such an ally, he wouldn't take it down.

And so he returned home.

---

2 days later, he returned.

He was surprised as well, but curiosity guided his steps much more than his fears ever since the giant teen revealed himself a potential ally.

He inhaled deeply before climbing the stairs, his feet landing on the metalic ground.

The smile on the teenager's face when he turned around and met the tiny man was as heartwarming as nervewracking.

"YOU'RE BACK!!!" He cheered, and already the human had to cover his ears, the joyous scream deafening. He realized his mistake pretty soon though as he covered his mouth and mumbled, much quieter "Sorry. Hi Wilbur."

"Hello, Tommy." He replied, cautiously removing his hands from his ear. "How have you been?" He started. Usual politeness shouldn't be too awkward.

It took all the self control of the blond to keep his voice quiet enough when he said "I've been fine, thank you." The energy bubbling from him only made Wilbur chuckle.

"Good, good." Wilbur took a few steps towards the blond (or rather his face, since the teen was kind of all around the room) "You seem happy to see me."

Tommy nodded way too quickly and strongly as he confirmed. "Yep! I-" he pained keeping his voice low "-I wasn't sure if you'd really come back. I'm very very very glad you didn't lie. Especially since I have..... THIS!!"

He didn't even bother whispering as his hand came to view, previously hidden behind his back, and coming towards Wilbur in a fist at a racing pace. The brunette couldn't help but flinch back.

Tommy stopped mid-way, realizing his carelessness once more. He whispered an apology and the hand came, much slower this time. (Almost comically slow, but Wilbur wouldn't really complain)

Then, when only at about 6ft away from the man, the hand opened, revealing several piles of papers.

Wilbur's eyes widened. He looked at the blond, confused.

"You said you wanted to look for researches and stuff, sooo I tried finding some. And you were right! There are papers everywhere in here!"

Wilbur looked at the floor which he now realized was almost white from sheets, as well as the several seemingly blank pages stuck on the giant's body, and nodded, repressing a chuckle.

"Yep. Everywhere."

Tommy held back a laugh as well, and Wilbur tried visualizing how this.... god knows how tall being could try opening drawers with his nails barely thin enough to hold the handler, and reading papers the size of a pins on his hands, all while trying to manœuver his body so he wasn't blocking the rest of the building.

He would lie if he said the thought wasn't amusing.

He went for the paper, and without much thinking hopped onto the hand, since the papers were mostly at the center of his palm.

He grabbed a few and sat down, begining reading when he felt a shaky inhale. He looked up to meet the amused eyes of the blond.

"... Seat's comfortable?" He teased, as playful as baffled.

Wilbur frowned, then looked below him and his eyes widened as he registered. He shot straight up.

"Oh-oh oh I'm so sorry- I- I sincerely apologize I-"

He didn't get to finish his sentence as he covered his ears, a wheezed laugh echoing through the entire thing and sending Wilbur shaking from the vibrations.

He found himself laughing as well, barely able to keep up his balance as he stepped out of the hand, a good chunk of paper held between his chest and arms.

The laughs finally died down, the blond disforming his face with his hand trying hard to muffle the sounds. He looked back at the human with what could only be described as adoration. The hand left his face and he chuckled still as he talked.

"Ahh, don't worry about it. I expected you to just take the papers and go, but this? This was funny. Definitely the first time someone sits on my hand like that."

"I-... is it a bad thing?" Wilbur asked, taking slow steps backward while he kept a smile. The last thing he wanted was to upset a giant he was trapped with. Sure, the kid was nice, even though overwhelming, but a wrong gesture could change that first part pretty quickly.

"Nah, I don't mind. If the floor is too cold for your liking, you can sit here."

Wilbur sighed in relief and gave the blond a smile. "Alright. Thanks."

He still chose to sat on the floor, and started reading again. His intuition was right, there was tons of information in here.

He read in silence, only disturbed every once in a while when Tommy asked what was in the sheets. Wilbur explained as easily as possible and kept the details for himself. Tommy was satisfied with the answer he was given, though, so that wasn't a problem.

He was only a quarter through the first pile of paper when he felt something approaching. He froze when a mass, probably a finger, found itself on top of Wilbur's head.

There was a beat of silence when neither moved, and the finger ruffled ever so slightly his hair.

It was a bit awkward, but it wasn't uncomfortable, so he didn't protest.

A soft voice pierced through the silence.

"If I press on your head too hard or hurt you, warn me. You're small so I don't know how much pressure I can apply on you."

"Alright." Wilbur nodded. "You're doing fine right now, I'll tell you if that changes."

The rest of the reading was done with Tommy gently playing with Wilbur's hair or tapping his back in an attempt at a 'massage' (as Tommy called it). It was distracting, but not uncomfortable. At times, even soothing.

It was almost night when Wilbur read most of the first pile. He got up with the paper he read already and looked for an empty drawer.

Fortunately, since Tommy spent 2 days scrambling to get every possible paper out, it wasn't much of a challenge. Below Tommy's angled leg was a furniture. He went and deposited it.

"That should be good." He said as he closed it. He then turned around to meet the blond. "Well, I think it's time for me to go home. I'll be back soon though, this place is VERY interesting."

He forced himself not to fake a gag at Tommy's smile. Urg. So genuine.

"Yeaaayyy" the giant stage-whispered while clapping his hands as softly and quickly as possible. "It's nice having you around. Can I do anything to help you?"

Wilbur brought a hand to his chin and thought for a moment. "If you find an empty book, you can give it to me next time. I'll bring one myself though so you don't have to tear this place upside down to find one." That made Tommy chuckle.

And so, Wilbur returned home once more.

THIS IS SO GOOD MEL OMG!!!

Pls read this it’s amazing and so well done, I love the rust server and this is so good :D

[enden-agolor]

Okay. So uhh firstly

trigger warning for talk about animal death and physical injury

I would first like to clarify this is not me fishing for sympathy or attention. I also don't want it to come off as me venting. I am simply explaining what the past few months have looked like. I'm sorry to anyone who may get uncomfortable reading this. I've been hesitant to post an update because I don't want to distrupt the art flow, and because idk if I should even talk about it. But people asked so...

ANYWAYS, for those who do not know, back in April our pomeranian Shiro was mauled to death by our neighbors pitbull. It also bit Andy's thumb off when he was trying to save him.

Since it was asked a few times, yes Andy's thumb has recovered really well! His surgeons did a really fantastic job and there's like no visible scarring from where they reattached it. Holy crap though having to wait at the hospital for nearly 30 hours to get done was insane. Longest 30 hours of our lives. I think he got out of his cast finally sometime in June? So his thumb has been working for a while now. Obviously since he's writing and gaming again. Two major surgeries in one year this guy is a champion.

Okay here's bad stuff and then I'll get to more good afterwards.

As for the more legal update about getting justice. I don't have any good news at all. The justice system in the US is awful. The neighbors who did this are the most disgusting people I have ever known in my entire life. And that is really saying something.

They did get evicted though, but it was kind of an 'at what cost' sort of deal because I had to be verbally threatened in person by the dad of the young girl who caused this before things really took a turn against them. I am not joking when I say these people do not feel any empathy or guilt at all. We couldn't even get an apology. The things he called me and said to me were absolutely insane. Insane enough for Andy and I to reach out to the court system to try and get a restraining order which did not happen because again, the justice system here is terrible. You have to provide a LOT to get a restraining order apparently. Sounds ridiculous, I know. Anyways, that was back in May.

This is a reminder to never trust your dog around ANY dog you don't know. And it's also a reminder that truly evil people exist in our world, and you never know who they are. I never want to be the reason someone has a bad day, and those people probably make everyone they come into contact with have a bad day. A local resident told Andy he knew the man who threatened me and said he's just a horrible person all around and most people have a problem with him. Being an awful person must run in the family, clearly.

AAAAANYWAYS... On a positive note:

The FDAU has been such a good distraction from this nightmare. There is not a single day that goes by where we do not think about this, so having this AU to focus on outside of it has really helped with the healing process. It's why it means a lot to us that so many of you actually gave it a chance and are currently enjoying the fic. Also all the art is wonderful, and always makes our days a bit brighter.

As of now, Andy and I are doing okay.  We really are. We've been doing a lot more traveling and stuff. Lots of walks at the places we used to take him, as well as going to completely new places.

Here are some pictures 😁

So yes, we are okay. Thanks a ton for reaching out to those of you who did. It means a lot. Anyways I'm gonna stop talking about this and go back to minecrap story mode posting 🤪

Okay so.

NOT a fun post but to the people who have been asking about y'know. That incident back in April. And wondering how Andy and I are doing? I'll make a post about that later today. I really appreciate that some of you actually remembered and care enough to reach out. And to those who were apologetic, unsure if asking was appropriate, it is. I just haven't been sure how to respond for a while. But I'll be making an update later about it and will just reblog it from this post. I just wanted to post this as kind of a warning for the next post I make which will not be pleasant.

[btssk]

Ms. Dokkaebi - Part One

Series Summary: You are the nanny for J-Hope’s older sister Jung Ji Wo. And while you’re great with her kids, best friends with J-Hope, and considered apart of his family, you seem very rude and stand-offish when it comes to the rest of BTS. There’s a tense relationship between you and the other members but when shit hits the fan, they'll realize just how wrong they were about you. But will it be in time.?

Notes: I’m new ARMY who doesn’t know everything there is to know about BTS as individuals so I may not accurately depict them in my writings, but as a FanFic writer who’s found her new muse, i’m just jumping right into it! This was originally going to be a one shot but then I started having too many ideas and points to touch on so I’m turning it into a series. And heads up, i write longgg posts regardless. I’ll probably comb through this a few times after I post to tweak some things. Also, this is obviously written in english but imagine that they're speaking Korean. This is my first BTS fanfic,

Hope you enjoy!

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Pairing: (Platonic) J-Hope x Reader

Summary: You've come to visit your very own personal ray of sunshine Jung Hoseok while on vacation. Despite his unbridled joy at your arrival, the other members of BTS struggle to understand how such terrifying opposites could be attracted to each other.

Warning: swearing, violence

"Here, place these on the table, Canola flowers are her favorite." Hoseok wipes the remnants of soil off his hands and smiles proudly at his personal efforts. "Their train should be arriving shortly, if you still plan to meet them at the station sir." "Right, i'll leave first then. Thank you ladies." The maids bow as he gives his final nod of approval before rushing to the waiting car. "Step on it Dae-Hyun, we can't be late." "Of course sir." "Dae-Hyun," "Yes sir?" "How do I look?" The driver smiled at the multimillionaire international superstar, sweating and squirming in the backseat. "She's going to be thrilled to see you sir."

…

"Does that mean I don't look good?"

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"We're here! Everyone come welcome our special guests!" Two little kids fly into the house faster than Hoseok could finish announcing their arrival. Next came their frantic mother scrambling to collect them and scold the poor manners they were presenting.

Jin gets up from sitting in the living room with both arms open wide, inviting the kids to jump into them. "It's okay Ji Wo, i've missed my little feathers." "We're not little feathers!" "Of course you are! See, I can do this!" He starts spinning around as fast as he can. Hoseok stands besides his sister smiling at his niece and nephew flying in circles. "Too fast!" "No more Ahjussi!" Jin stops spinning, "Ah-Ahjussi? Ahjussi?! Who are you calling Ahjussi? You think i'm so old that I deserve to hear such things?! Ya! You think you'll be young forever?" Jin begins tickling and shaking the two until they're begging him to stop. "You'll be my age soon and let’s see how you like being called Ahjussi! I'm not even that old!"

Jin's signature 'eldest-rant' calls the rest of the members into the living room. "I don't know Jin, i'm starting to see some grey hairs." Jungkook joins in on Yoongi's joke, "Oh, there on the sides right?" "Mm, yeah." "Stob it!"

By the time you entered the room, everyone had already shared their hello's with Ji Wo. Her kids were outside running around with Taehyung, Jungkook, and Jimin. Jin was still fuming over being called Ahjussi despite Namjoon's best efforts to calm him down, while Yoongi stood by doing his best to turn Jin into a talking tomato.

Busy helping his sister move the luggage to the guest house, Hoseok left your welcome party in the hands of dumb and dumber, plus one. The three kept at their bickering until Namjoon finally noticed you. You dropped two large duffel bags at your feet and wore all black, head to toe. No makeup, hair in a half-assed updo, and shoes still on after entering the home? You weren’t here to impress and currently, were not impressed either.

Namjoon straightened up his appearance before nudging Jin and Yoongi to follow suit. Yoongi hid his smile and offered a very sweet and shy apology. And while Jin was obviously embarrassed to have been caught acting so childish in front of a stranger, this fact presented a dilemma. Why was there a strange woman in his living room? An American woman, with a very unpleasant look of irritation and disapproval on her face? 'Does she not see how handsome I am?' Remembering that he was in his own home and the eldest person present, he chose an informal tone. "Ya. Who are you. How’d you get in here?" No response. The only change being your eyes now solely locked onto Jin. A slight relief to Namjoon and Yoongi. "Did you hear me? Who are you, what do you want?"

"...."

"What you don't speak Korean?"

Silence.

"Aishh," Jin put his hands on his hips, "So, You American came to Korea just to step into a Korean household and not only refuse to address your senior, to state your business, or atone for these things, but can't even speak Korean to begin with? Unbelievable." After another chance to explain yourself, yet remaining silent, Jin rolls his eyes and grabs his phone. "Fine. I'm calling security." Now you looked pleased, almost amused. Did you understand what he had said? Clearly not since you were smiling, but, did you? The three members wait with you in the deafening silence.

A couple minutes and guards storm into the room scanning for the intruder. Jin immediately starts yelling and pointing for them to take you away. Yet you don't move an inch as the guards surround you. Instead, you smile sweetly in return for their low bows. The member's are stunned as the head of security addresses you and you only. "Our apologizes for this mishap Ms. Y/n, it won't happen again." You nod, accepting his notion, and Jin couldn’t take it anymore, "What! what is this?! Who is she that she can enter my home uninvited with more authority than me?!" The guard's explanation is interrupted by Hoseok's return. "Oh good, you've met y/n!" He smiles at his friends indifferent towards the scene he interrupted. "Y/n hand me your bag i'll carry it," he gives you his other arm to escort you outside, "Ji Wo and the kids are already unpacked. I'll help you with your stuff. I made sure your room had those pillows and comforter set you really liked from last time-oh! And I have a surprise for you! I went and picked them myself, your favorite! Then we can talk about what you want for dinner tonight..." The three ‘men’, who were correctly feeling as less than such, watched you step into the guest house as if you owned that too.

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"Explain."

"Oh good, I needed a second opinion! I like the yellow shirt but it's a bit much for dinner at home right? Then there's the blue but it doesn't compliment my eyes very well. Maybe the white one then? You can't go wrong-"

Jin slaps the shirts out of Hoseok's hands.

"No! Explain the woman who just walked into my home with zero etiquette, highjacked my home, security team, and is now downstairs with her bare feet on my coffee table!"

"So you're thinking the blue one."

"Hobi!"

"Jin can you keep it down, i'm trying to take my pre-dinner evening nap," Yoongi throws himself on the bed, "But to his point; Who is she?"

Hoseok picks up the blue shirt and pulls it on. "Uh, well that's a loaded question. I know that she can be very, well, i'm sure you've noticed,"

"Yes, continue."

"But, I guess, she's my best friend." Every remaining member bursts through the door, silently threatening him to say it again. Even Yoongi twisted his head, "The hell did this bitch say." Jin takes the lead scolding Hoseok's blasphemous comment, with the others suddenly becoming faithful followers of their beloved Ahjussi. Once finished fiddling with his shirt, Hoseok addressed the room full of crybabies. "Maybe 'best friend' wasn't the most appropriate label, but she IS someone very special to me. So please, all of you go get dressed and be ready to eat dinner in an hour. I need this to be perfect. It's important, please." He hurries out of the room to find you, leaving his very much so established and unquestionably best friends unsatisfied with his explanation.

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"Tell me to hurry up...look nice...feet on my table!...she's the mean one...I don't even like spicy food...Will you come help me already you see me struggling!" Namjoon was certain his hands were going to fuse with his face if he listened to this for another second. He gladly stood up to help Jin with his tie, "If it'll end your ranting about y/n-"

"Stupid name"

"You met her once for five minutes; you don't even know her." "Ah, five minutes was ten minutes too long." "That still doesn't make any sense," Namjoon grumbles for the billionth time since meeting his friend, "There, done."

"And why are we wearing ties anyways? We're at home! Ji Wo's family! I'm expected to look Grammy's ready for that…that Dokkaebi!?" Yoongi sits up from Jin's bed laughing, "That what?" "When did you get there?" "Did you just call y/n a Dokkaebi? I haven't heard name calling like that since primary school." Jin charges at Yoongi shaking his finger, "You know it! You were there, both of you! You saw her smiling at us; like a blind person winking. Just, empty." A chill runs up Jin's spine that Namjoon and Yoongi have to admit they also felt. "Hear me, that goblin will only cause us problems." "You're overreacting-"

"Her.bare.feet! On.my.coffee table!"

"Look she's special to Hobi, that means she can't actually be that bad right? And again, we only met her for five minutes-" "That was ten minutes-" "DO NOT say it again it makes NO sense! We didn't make a very good first impression either, so let's consider dinner a fresh start." Namjoon and Yoongi guide a still disgruntled Jin down to dinner. They can hear the kitchen is already crowded with conversation, children laughing, and food on the stove. Namjoon takes a deep breath, "Fresh start boys. Be nice." They round the corner to see your eyes already baring deep into their souls. Jin leans into his friend’s tiger grips on him and whispers, "See, see! Some of her goblin tricks already. Evil little mi-chin nyeon-" "You sure you want to finish that sentence." Your comment draws Hoseok’s attention to his friends, "Hey guys! Come have a beer, we're almost done cooking." The trembling mice men find a safe distance from you on the other side of the island and Hoseok hands them each a drink. But Jin’s eyes never leave yours, except to make sure that the knife in your hand is still chopping vegetables and not plunging into his chest. "So, you can speak Korean." "Of course, what kind of American would I be to come all the way to Korea, enter a Korean household, and not be able to address my senior. The honor is mine, Ahjussi." You throw in a lopsided bow at the end but Jin is far from impressed. Namjoon grabs another beer, "Here we go..." Before he has the chance, Jin's attention is on his legs. "Do the funny walk!" "Yeah, the funny walk!" "Oh, I think i'm too old, now that i'm 'Ahjussi Jin'." The twins plead with him until they're disappearing down the hallway, holding on for dear life as he flails his legs as much as possible. You finish cutting the vegetables and hand them to Ji Wo at the stove. Before you have a chance, Hoseok takes the dishes from your hands, "I can clean these too y/n, you go grab a drink and hang out while Ji Wo and I finish up. Your seat is right there next to mine!" If he could walk for you he would, even if he didn't have legs himself. Annoying and embarrassing at times, like now, but at the end of the day you loved that about him; so unashamedly sweet to you like no one else would dare to be.

You go slip into your Hoseok-assigned seat at the table next to Yoongi and count how long it’ll take him to grow a pair and say what's on his mind.

"So y/n,"

27 seconds,

"how do you know Hobi?" "I work for Ji Wo." "Oh, like a secretary?" 'The fuck?,' "Or not. Then, some security guard? No! Not that i'm saying you’re manly or anything, you're very attractive-not that i'm attracted to you-NOT that there's a reason I shouldn't be!" Yoongi chokes on his words long enough for you to respond. "I'm her nanny." You see the first unpetrified emotion cross Yoongi's face since meeting, "Really? You…like, kids?" "Of course. They're adorable." He'd have an easier time believing you if you didn't look like you were recounting the hells of war. Lost on how to continue the conversation, Yoongi tries a new approach.

He moves a tray of assorted fruit towards you, "Here. Do you like fruit? We bought all of this fresh from the local market." "I already had some." "Oh. Okay, good.. Um, I love the tangerines. I bought a whole bundle...where'd they go?” Yoongi notices that his dozen of tiny orange babies are the only fruits missing from the tray. Once again your eyes were waiting for his to catch up. "Did you-" Without breaking eye contact, possibly without breathing since Yoongi’s doubting you even have a heart right now, you peel the last tangerine. You do it slow enough that if you listened closely, you could hear it crying for 'papa Yoongi' to save it. "My...you ate...all of them." The poor boy looked like he went bankrupt with a wife and kids to feed back home. Ironic maybe? He tried his best to swallow his emotions, "That's okay. You're our guest; I'm happy to share anything with-" You pop Yoongi's last little baby into your mouth and he snaps, "That's it. Who hurt you. I demand to know." A slightly sweaty Jin joins the stand-off over his friend’s shoulder with the same scowl on his face, "See...Dokkaebi." Yoongi swears his loyalty with a single word. "Dokkaebi.."

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"Y/n i'm going to the restroom, can you-" "Got it." "Thanks!" Ji Wo runs around the corner leaving you in charge of the children. All, of the children.

Most are taking their seats, Hoseok is practically in your lap talking your ear off, and Jin is trying to shake off the two urchins still stuck to his legs. "Please!? Where is your mother it's been hours, days even!" The twins laugh at his joke and Namjoon again tries to convince Jin that he doesn't make any sense.

"No, more more!"

"Yeah more!"

"More!"

"More! MORE!"

Hoseok eventually nudges you, "Come on y/n, enough fun, the foods going to get cold." 'We never do what I want.' You snap your fingers and point to the chairs across from you. The two tumble over each other trying to see who could be the fastest. So competitive. You were proud. "Whoa, could you train Yeontan to be that obedient?" "You calling my kids dogs." There's a slight breeze behind you that could only be from Hoseok's frantic motions for Taehyung to stop talking. "I, no...nevermind."

Ji Wo comes back and sits next to her son, "Okay, let's eat!" Everyone starts to fill their plates and converse amongst themselves. Hoseok is making your plate while you're busy making the kids'. Sitting on the other side of the twins is Jungkook. He gives himself a pep-talk until he's confident that he's about to do the right thing. Yet, across from him, Yoongi and Namjoon shoot him every desperate facial expression that they know. Whatever Jungkook is about to do, they're sure it's a bad idea. 'What are they mouthing? "Dok...Dokkaebi?" What? That doesn't make any sense.' He gives them a curt 'I got this' smile so the two give up.

'Poor bastard.'

'It's always the innocent.'

Jungkook grabs the bowl in front of him and holds it out towards you. "Y/n, I made this dish specially for you. It takes a few hours to prep and another two for cooking, but Hoseok spoke so fondly of you I knew it was worth the time." You feel the pride radiating from Hoseok when he places his hand over yours. The whole thing's silly, but you let your little sunshine have his moment. "The sauce is my grandmother's secret recipe and I made the noodles from scratch. It's always a crowd favorite when I make it. I'd love it if you had some! Let me put some on your plate." "No thanks." Jungkook stops mid-reach across the table and his doe-eyed smile falters. "I, uh, promise you'll love it. It's the best dish on the table! Please, just try it-" "You trying to kill me (?) I said no" "But-" "And I won't say it again."

A pained silence falls over the group, but nothing compares to the hurt on Jungkook's face. Defeated and humiliated, he slides back down into his chair too embarrassed to lift his head. Then, "I want some!" the little girl next to him slaps a smile back on his face. "Of course sweetie, here!" This time Hoseok and Ji Wo are the ones quick to speak up in a panic. "No hun, you can't." "Jungkook don't-"

*CLINK!*

Your eyes snap to the spoon still spilling pasta on the plate. The sound rings out and fades away without a single interference. Jungkook's frozen in fear, everyone is, as they should be. You can feel Hoseok desperately squeezing your hand, silently begging you not to cut off his friends'. Ji Wo's face is pleading the same case. You listen to Jungkook's heart beat out of his chest for a few more seconds, watch his life flash before his eyes to truly remember this moment by. Removing your hand from Hoseok's, then placing it over his, is reassurance that he and Ji Wo can stop shaking. As for everyone else, they're nothing more than deer caught in headlights. "There's shrimp in that. She, and I, are both allergic to shellfish. If you feed her that, she'll die in minutes, and then you would die in seconds. Am.I.clear." There was another silence while Jungkook struggled to keep his soul from leaving his body. He couldn't believe what he had almost done and begged forgiveness from Ji Wo, "I-I'm so sorry! I had no idea, honest I wouldn't have-" "It's okay Kook, I know that you didn't know. It was an accident," her eyes drift towards you, "right y/n."

She's weary. She can tell that you haven't calmed down, not enough at least. You take your job very seriously; you love her kids as if they were your own. And if you ever did have kids of your own, then god save us all. You really were like a second parent to the twins. The kids once asked if the two of you were going to get married some day. You and Ji Wo were both laughing your asses off until you realized that Eun had fallen out of her chair. Her face was turning purple and her throat had nearly swollen shut. She laid motionless on the floor with her eyes digging into y/n's, begging for help. But no one saw what happened and didn't know what to do. Y/n took a gamble since it was their first time having lobster and gave her her epi-pen. As relieved as Ji Wo was to hear her daughter start breathing again, it would be a few weeks for her, and you, to completely move past what happened. That was the first and only time Ji Wo had seen you so unnerved; truly afraid. And right now she saw that same memory flash over your eyes in a blinding loop. She tries again, "Y/n, it was an accident…It's okay now."

"Y/n," Hoseok's gripping your fist with both of his hands, "She didn't eat any, she's okay. Jungkook knows now, they all do. Right." Every head at the table shook furiously, but you saw none of it. Your eyes locked onto Jungkook and debated which fingers to break first.

Then you felt Hoseok's grip on you change. It loosened, and his fingers gently ran over the back of your hand, something that always forced you to relax. "Angel," One of your biggest weaknesses, "please, for me." was hearing him beg. 'And that dang pet name.' You let out all of your pent-up energy into one labored sigh, finally releasing the dinner guests as hostages. Yoongi jumps from his chair as you abruptly stand. "What did you learn Jungkook." "She's-you both!-are allergic to shellfish," poor thing had been on the brink of crying this entire time, "I swear that I will never forget it-" "No. You don't question me. Ever again."

While you're turned to grab a clean plate for Eun, "Chin-hae don't stand on your chair-!" you hear the sweetest voice back you up. "Yeah! You don't ask y/n questions!" He's all but using his sister's head as a prop while sticking his sticky finger in Jungkook's face, “giving him the business” about not asking anymore questions or trying to kill his sister again. You motion for him to sit down once you're back and shoot a wink. 'That's my boy.'

——————————————————————

"Again, Ji Wo, I am so sorry for earlier at dinner. I still feel absolutely awful about it."

"It's okay Jungkook, honestly. Y/n always carries an epi-pen for both of them. Even if Eun had eaten some, she would've been okay."

"So then, that whole "she'll die in minutes, you'll die in seconds" thing was y/n just messing with me, right?"

"Of course, no chance she'd let Eun get even close to dying."

Jungkook relaxes just enough sipping his coffee to choke on it when Ji Wo continued, “But she might still kill you, that wasn't a joke." Jimin smacks his friend's back until he settles.

After dinner, you took the twins to the guest house to get ready for bed. Everyone else stayed behind and congregated towards the living room to properly catch up with Ji Wo. Before getting married, the boys saw her around all the time. Since then, they only see her on the rarest occasions. It sucks, but that's the way it has to be.

"Anyways, thank you all for letting us stay here. I know it's not everyday you guys get the chance to go on vacation."

All of you were staying at BTS's vacation home out on Daecheong Island. Technically it was Jin's vacation home, but since he always said yes when the member's wanted to use it, no one bothered listening to his empty protests anymore.

The island is located in northern South Korea; just west of Seoul. The home was well secluded, on the coastline with plenty of space and privacy, about an hour or so from the nearest town. It was a favorite place for the boys to get away since they had true privacy while there, but could still feel like they were at home. And rarely if ever would they draw attention while in town. The locals knew who they were but lived their own lives on the island and didn't care to bother them.

Namjoon pats Ji Wo's back, "Don't worry about it. We're happy to have you." "Yeah. No filming, practices, recording schedules," Jin stretches back in his chair, "no responsibilities what so ever. Plus now, you and the little ones are here? Talk about a good time." He turns towards Ji Wo though, momentarily becoming serious, "And no one knows where we are. Promise." The rest of the group offers reassurance to Ji Wo.

Hoseok leans in close to his sister, "You didn't tell anyone where you were going right? Didn't have any issues?" She shakes her head no. Anyone else would think that the boys were worried about people finding out where they were. But Ji Wo knew the truth. They wanted to make sure no one knew where she was. Especially her children.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Flashback

You remembered the first and only time that you had met Ji Wo's ex-husband. It was the twins' third birthday party and the first of many without their father. Ji Wo pulled out all the stops to try and make it as special as possible. There ended up being just enough commotion for him to sneak in through the side gate.

You'd heard plenty about how he lost custody of the twins due to his alcoholism, and how more than once it led him to put his hands on the them. Not to mention the few screws he had loose in the head. He'd never do anything less than swear he loved his children more than anything and just wanted to be a family. But after putting Ji Wo and the twins in the hospital, twice, he didn't stand a chance in court. At the final hearing he reeked of alcohol and rambled on about making Ji Wo pay for stealing his children from him. He was detained for disorderly conduct and Ji Wo won sole custody.

There wasn't a word from him after that so no one expected him to show up that day.

You didn't know what he looked like, but the new stench of alcohol in the air and screams from Chin-hae was more than enough information. "Oh come on son, I brought you a present...I think?" The drunk stumbled around trying to feel for the nonexistent gift. Every child ran to their parents as you ushered them all inside the house. Ji Wo didn't have security then, and this was the moment to change that.

Chin-hae and Eun clung to Ji Wo's legs, remembering enough of their father to be afraid. "Seo-Jun. What are you doing here." He acted genuinely offended by her comment, "Is it not my children's birthdays? Their father should be here." He staggered closer and Ji Wo struggled not to shake more than she already was. "N-No. You, should leave. The restraining order-" "TO HELL WITH THAT PIECE OF PAPER!" His outburst even made you jump. You needed to hurry and make sure everyone was safe inside before going to help Ji Wo. Only a few more people and then you would be free to kick his pasty ass.

"Seo-Jun please, you're drunk; you're scaring the kids." "Oh, well then," his posture straightens and eyes go dark, "i'm suddenly feeling very sober. No need to be scared now. Come on kids, give your dear old dad a big hug." Only a sour breath away from them and both kids were soaked in their tears. They cried "Mom no! Don't make us!" "We'll be good! PLEASE!!" "MOM!?" Ji Wo clung onto them as hard as she could without hurting them. She took two steps back for every one Seo-Jun made. "Come on guys, you're not being very nice. You can't still be mad about last time right? I said sorry. And hey! I have some new friends for you to meet." Three men entered the backyard with eyes glued to the kids. "Seo-Jun please! Don't do this!?" "Ji Wo. Honey, you know I won't ask again," he holds out his arms, "Hand them over." When the men start advancing Ji Wo drops down to her knees to shield her children as best she could. But she was crying just as hard as they were, just as terrified.

One man had his hand on Eun's flailing leg for less than a second before being drop kicked by you running at full speed. He didn't get up until the ambulance arrived. Without hesitating you go after the next one, throwing hit after hit until he falls and doesn't get up. The third pulls out a knife and you see red. Knives, real knives like these, sent you into an unstoppable rage. You had plenty of reasons to hate them, and even more to hate Seo-Jun. The man took a few swipes at you before taking a misstep and gives you the opening you need. A single move and you get ahold of the knife, toss it, and start breaking as many of his bones as possible. This wasn't just about stopping a kidnapping anymore, it was making sure they suffered as much as time allowed you.

This would be the first time Ji Wo and the kids see you fight; see you turn into a monster, "Y/n?" and Hoseok. The look on your face must have terrified him because he stumbles back before being able to focus on the situation. Hoseok runs to help Ji Wo, taking Chin-hae so the four can make a faster break for the house.

Seeing his plan go to shit, Seo-Jun makes a last ditch effort to grab at least one of the kids. He takes after Ji Wo and Eun but luckily he's a lot slower than you are. You drop the near lifeless body you'd been breaking and sprint after him. He sees you coming and his desperation overtakes logic. Seo-Jun reaches into his jacket, "You're not taking them away again bitch! Let's see how you like it!!"

*CLICK*

"Y/N!!"

*BANG!*

A silent cry forces its way out. You're hands radiating fire from the new hole in the side of it. Your panicked reflex led to sloppy technique in redirecting the barrel of the gun from Eun. you can't let it slow you down. A left hook and solid kick to the side of his knee and Seo-Jun crumbles. Working through the pain, you knock the gun out of his hand and jump on top of him, hitting him with everything you've got; every punch you know with all the strength you have left. You couldn't feel anything from your right hand up to your elbow, 'guess I'll just have to keep going until it comes back.'

-

You don't know how long it's been, could be minutes maybe only seconds, but Seo-Jun had stopped moving. You know that you should probably quit now, but hearing Eun scream for you a moment ago was far too close to home. You knew that sound; you're brother made that sound. And the more you remembered it, the more it seemed this high you were on would never end. You didn't want it to. You hated Seo-Jun for everything he's done and for everything he reminded you of. The life you fought through Hell to escape from. If he lived through this, you swore you'd finish him off for good one day.

Your ears were still ringing from the gunshot but a voice fought it's way through. "y/n...Y/N! You have to stop! It's okay now! You need to calm down! Please!" If Hoseok would be honest with himself, he was too afraid of you to do more than scream from a safe distance, let alone try and touch you. The way you weren't letting up on Seo-Jun's body even for a moment. He looked over at the man you had been beating up when he arrived. His body was crumpled and folded over like a distorted carcass. It was inhumane; indigestible. He knew parts of your past but seeing it manifest in front of him? he didn't imagine being this afraid of you. Would you ever hurt him? How thin was this line you toed? Did he know you at all- "AHH-!"

*BANG!*

Hoseok doesn't move when blood splatters across his face. He can't even will his tears the courage to fall. He had been too lost in thought to realize the second man you attacked had gotten up. How he had only been step or two away from him, gripping his partners knife. He didn't notice how swiftly you turned and shot him with Seo-Jun's gun. Square between the eyes without blinking your own. You killed a man without hesitation, totally relaxed with zero remorse.

The only thing strong enough to pull you out of your rampage was someone you loved being in harms way. No amount of rage could trump the urge to protect them, and only once they were safe would you feel yourself come back to earth. You stood up, back in reality, but Hoseok was still lost in the clouds. Only a few moments ago he was debating the origins of your soul, now he knew you were his guardian angel. If not for you he would be a pile of sliced meat right now, or Ji Wo, or even the twins. They could have been taken like Seo-Jun wanted or worse, also like Seo-Jun wanted. Ji Wo was helpless to stop it and he arrived too late regardless. You knew all of this already, that's why you fought for them. With all of your heart you protected Hoseok's family; his whole world, and now him too. He'd never be able to repay you.

"D.I.P.D.! Drop the gun! Hands up both of you!"

"Backyard is secure."

"Roger that. Civilians are all accounted for and inside of the home is secure."

"We've got four bodies; call for another ambulance." "Yes sir."

"Check for pulses and take those two into custody already!" "Sir!"

The next month was nothing but back to back court hearings, being shuffled to and from your holding cell, and meeting with lawyers before and afterwards. Everyone who was at the birthday party had to testify in court, then they were free to go. But almost every one stayed throughout the entire trial. Your motives weren't lost on them; they knew what a monster Seo-Jun was and it was obvious what he was there to do. Each testimony painted you as the selfless hero who saved the day. Mounted against Seo-Jun was a multitude of eye witness testimonies, means and motive, forensic evidence, the crime scene report, and the irrefutable security camera footage. Seo-Jun's remaining accomplices got 18 months by accepting a plea deal while Seo-Jun himself received 3 years, eligible for early release after 2 on good behavior.

Normally with the amount of evidence against Seo-Jun, this case would have been open and shut in a matter of days. But in private you were being psychologically evaluated and cross examined by both teams and the judge personally, to determine your own fate. Your personal file, although sealed from the public and PI Investigations, had to be taken into consideration. In the end you were cleared of all charges and free to go. If anyone asked, the delay in your release was due to some "administrative issue with the paperwork or whatever" and so you spent that time just sitting in your cell counting sheep.

During your release, "We know who Seo-Jun is y/n. Be careful," the judge leans in close as you walk past her and whispers, "stay close to those kids." That decided your fate, whatever that may come to be. This wasn't over; Seo-Jun would be back, so not a day would go by that you weren't by their sides.

You were prepared for the worst when you saw the Jung's again. You thought they'd call you a monster and tell you to stay away. But tears poured from your eyes when Chin-hae and Eun crashed into your legs and refused to let you leave them again. Ji Wo's hug surprised you most, you two had never hugged before. She immediately hired you as the kids' personal bodyguard but if anyone asked you were their nanny. (A secondary role you fell into). She moved you into one of the spare bedrooms of her new undisclosed address and location home, just down the hall from the kids' rooms. She told you to do what you want with the room; paint it, rearrange it, knock out a wall, you name it. Then gave you a personal black card to use how you like. You told her it was all too much, trying to remain humble and modest, but it just made her cry. She couldn’t comprehend how else she could repay you for what you did for her and the kids, not that she felt this even amounted to enough.

Next you hand picked her new security detail. Each candidate had to fight you in hand-to-hand combat as the final test, and whoever didn't go down in 30 seconds made the cut. One of them managed to land a hit and became head of security, also your fill in whenever you weren't around.

Hoseok hadn't come around the first few days after your release. 'Why would he, he saw what I can really do. What i'm really like.' Ji Wo would tell you not to worry or think too much, that he probably just needed a bit more time to process some things.

You woke up on morning and were instantly suspicious, "What?" Ji Wo just kept smiling ang giggling to herself on the couch, "Oh, nothing. Just a funny book." "You're not reading a book-" "Oh the door! I wonder who that could be." You turn to the guard stationed in the main hallway, "She hasn't been drinking has she?" "No ma'am."

Ji Wo prances back into the room, "It's for you!" then off into the kitchen. "Ji Wo I know you're pretending; you haven't cleaned a single dish in 6 years." "Just go to the door?!" You shuffle down the hall, "I hope your mystery guest doesn't mind me looking like hell!"

"They don't,"

you stop.

"They think you always look pretty great actually."

"Hoseok..."

He stood at the door holding your favorite flowers and dressed to the nines, "What is this, what are you doing?" He stepped through the threshold, "Can I come in? I don't want to end up like the last guy who didn't ask you." His joke was stupid and inappropriate but he laughed like a goofball all the same. You tried to smile but couldn't stop the frown from forming. You look down at your feet suddenly feeling ashamed and embarrassed in front of Hoseok. He closes the door and puts down the flowers. He holds your hands in his, "What's wrong?" "Nothing I," 'I was afraid you hated me,' "I just missed you. You haven't been around since..." The words were stuck in your throat and you were at a loss at how to get them out. "I thought..." He understood, "Hey no, no. I'll admit I did need some time to process what happened but, I could never..." 'I'm not afraid of you,' He cupped your face and lifted it to make sure you heard this next part, "I owe you my life y/n. You saved all of us, and that's not something that a bad person would do. I could never be afraid of you; I love you." You wiped a stray tear and playfully punched Hoseok in the shoulder, "Hobi don't," "What? I don't mean like that!" You both laughed. It was a relief to feel like things were back to normal between the two of you.

"You know what I mean." "Yeah I do. I love you too Hoseok. Now seriously, what is all of this; what's with the get up?" "Oh, well I was worried that you might be feeling a little down so I wanted to treat you to a day out! Starting with breakfast at that fancy restaurant you like." "The one with the giant fish tank? And we get to pick out which fish we want to eat?!" "Yes now hurry up and go get dressed, our reservation's in 45 minutes." Your sprint towards your room looked the exact same as the twins. Passing the kitchen you hear Ji Wo, "He's feeding you isn't he." "YUP! My favorite!" “Bring me back some-" "Absolutely not!"

20 minutes later and you're speeding back down the stairs dressed and ready to go. "There's no need to pull me out the door like this! We have a reservation; we won't have to wait to eat-"

"But all the good fish could already be gone! I want one so fat and juicy it has rolls!"

"Fish don't have rolls-y/n you're drooling on my sleeve-Ew it's on my hand! Let go already!"

You shove his body into the car and jump in after him, "Let's go Dae-Hyun! Get us there in 10 minutes and i'll get you whatever you want to eat." "Deal."

"Don't you mean i'll get him-?"

"Not now Hoseok I have to focus. Momma's going fishing."

Hoseok rolls his eyes at your theatrical evil grin, "For someone with a shellfish allergy you're too excited to eat fish."

"What can I say, I go wherever the spirits lead me."

"You're not spiritual."

"I am when they lead me to fish."

End of Flashback

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Good night honey. Sweet dreams." You had already finished tucking Chin-hae into bed and now it was his sisters turn. "Sweet dreams y/n. You'll be here when I wake up right?" "Always." You kiss her forehead and turn off the lights when you leave. You went down the hall to your room to change into something more comfortable before heading back out to the main house. Security had already been stationed around the guest house, so you felt okay leaving the twins here alone for a while. On your way out, you passed by the kid's room once more, 'Eun must have been really tired. How has her snoring never woken up Chin-hae before.’

You smile thinking about those rascals on your walk back to the main house.

Jung Chin-hae and Jung Eun.

Your favorite people in the whole world. A fact that hurt Hoseok's feelings even though he felt the same way. He never knew if because of his lifestyle, he would ever actually find true love, get married, and have children of his own. So his niece and nephew were the closest that he was going to get, and he loved them with all of his heart.

Ji Wo chose Chin-hae's name because it means 'depth of the ocean.' Going to the beach and being on the water was something that she craved constantly while she was pregnant with them. It was her escape and sense of peace while she faced struggles in her personal life. She had recurring dreams about sailing off with her children, away from their problems, and starting new lives as mermaids living happily in the sea. When they were born Chin-hae came out first, technically making him older, and it's how he acted. He was a textbook caring and protective big brother to his sister. His emotions could sometimes get the better of him (as demonstrated at dinner) but he had the biggest heart and was so thoughtful. Especially when it came to Eun.

Eun's name was chosen without a second thought. As soon as she opened her eyes, she looked up at Ji Wo with shining silver eyes. As beautiful as they were, there was concern. The doctors did some tests and found out that Eun was colorblind. They explained, in laymen's terms, that the parts of the eye that perceived color hadn't developed and therefor lacked pigment. That's why her eyes looked silver, and how Ji Wo chose her name.

When the two got older, Ji Wo tried explaining that Eun was colorblind, but Chin-hae didn't understand and thought that she meant Eun was completely blind. This misunderstanding created many memories that you'll never forget. You laugh to yourself thinking about one of your favorites. Chin-hae was constantly by his sister's side since learning that she was 'blind'. He was always holding her hand, trying to do everything for her, even tried brushing her teeth every now and then. One time you had called them to dinner but heard the two yelling at each other in the other room.

"Careful Eun! You have hold my hand, there's a step, you'll fall!"

"No I won't! I do it myself!"

"You can't! You're blind!"

"Nu uh! I see you!"

"No! You not see anything!"

Eun gasped, "I not see you?"

"No!"

She immediately started bawling her eyes out, "No oppa, I not see you!"

Chin-hae did his best to comfort her and grabbed her hand, "Hush Eun, it's okay. You always just hold me, like this."

He walked her over to the table and sat like nothing had happened but you couldn't wait to relay it all to Ji Wo. It was the sweetest thing watching him make her plate and then try to feed her. Ji Wo had to explain things a few more times before they finally understood what she meant. Even so, he still describes every color that he sees to her whenever she asks. You often daydream that that's how things could have been with you and your brother.

You let the bitter-sweet memory fade away when you enter the living room and take a seat next to Hoseok. ‘Of course he was saving me a seat next to him.’ He nuzzles himself into your side and carries on talking about the upcoming festival on the island. No one listens to a word he says because how could they? Did he just willingly throw himself into the lions den? What were you going to do they thought,

‘is she going to gouge out his eyes?’

‘Stab him for invading her space?’

‘Pull out his hair?’

‘Use his bones to make her bread-? Oh wait no that’s Shrek.’

Your only reaction though is to put your arm around him and listen to his rambling about this festival. You never bored of your ray of sunshine. You could always count on him to lift you up or calm you down. Of everyone you knew, no one was able to explain how the two of you could be so close. With seemingly nothing in common, you were total opposites and not in a cute Christmas romcom type of way. But maybe that was why you loved him so much.

The expectation is that the people who’d like you would look just as scary, be just as off putting, just as much a monster as you knew you really were. Yet it was someone like Hoseok to welcome you into his life. He saw the sliver of a good heart that you still had and spoke life into it.

“You’ll never leave us again.”

“We owe you our lives.”

“You’re not a bad person.”

“I love you y/n.”

Even though you weren’t into holding hands, snuggling on the couch, or going to whatever festival Hoseok was talking about, you’d do it for him. For all of them. So you let him snuggle into your side while you run your fingers through his hair like he liked, and Hoseok plays with your free hand. “-that sound good to you y/n?”

‘God knows what he’s talking about’

“Yeah sounds good Hobi.”