#anyways can't think of anything else

[lostgracestories]

Hi! I saw that you write for MHM/MBM and this fandom fr needs more fanfics, so heres my request :) I was wondering if you could do an Arata Usuba or Kazushi Tatsuishi x reader? Could be anything of your choice ofc

OMG So I love that you requested this because I have been wanting to write something for this for forever!!! I really love arranged marriage/forbidden love pairings <3 personally, I feel like giving Arata somebody to love because he seemed so upset at the end of the anime's first season :,( Thank you so much for being my first request!

I also totally did not proof read this LOL ALSO ARATA WITHOUT HIS GLASSES OMG <3 <3 <3

Purpose - Arata Usuba x Reader wc: 2k (I GOT EXCITED) tw: maybe a little angst if you squint, reader gets pretty sick, arranged marriage, female reader

Arata was no stranger to searching for a way to fulfill his purpose. He is a driven man, and most people knew that. However, he struggles to believe he will ever fulfill his purpose. Although a man of dignity, respect, and loyalty, he hides worry, concern, and shame. Well… that was until he met you.

It was an unusual turn of events when it was suddenly stated to him that he was to be married. He already had so much on his plate. Not to mention, the marriage came seemingly out of nowhere. It wasn’t unlikely for other people, but for him to be arranged in a marriage? Something had to be going on. Well he found out the answer to his curiosities the moment he met you.

Each of you had powerful families and you yourself did not possess spirit sight. This marriage was a means to gain security and leverage and in return, you would keep your head low and be a trophy wife. Despite your lack of spirit sight, however, you had to be the most beautiful woman that Arata had ever laid his eyes on.

You sat in the living room of the Usuba house, glancing around at the decorations and accessories adorning the home. You had been instructing by your parents not to speak unless instructed, as was the usual of your expectations when you left the house. You weren’t upset about it though. Your parents were very kind people and they had raised you to nurture your other talents since you lacked spirit sight. You understood the situation because you knew you could not do much to protect anybody against grotesqueries. Your parents had assured you that they picked the perfect match for you, a man who would take care of you like it was his job. You finally looked across to the other couch at the man in question, watching him speak with your parents.

“I will devote my life to protecting your daughter mister and misses L/n. You have my word”

Arata stands briefly to bow. He had a purpose finally. One to devote himself to you. Arata turned to look at you with such a determined expression on his face like he was pursuing a prize.

“Miss y/n, may I show you to your living quarters now?”

You responded with a silent nod and slowly and carefully stood up. You followed quietly behind Arata as he led you to the room where you would be staying. It was so luxurious and big. Sure your family was powerful, but your family was also humble and you were used to your fairly small traditional home. The room is not very decorated which confuses you. The rest of the house is so beautifully and delicately decorated but your room was practically bare. You supposed that they didn’t want you to steal or break anything.

“I know it’s not the most exciting room but I figured you would like to decorate it yourself to make yourself feel more at home”

Arata clears his throat after speaking. He was very subtly embarrassed. You may not see grotesqueries but you could see through people’s emotions like a window. You merely nod at his comment and look around at all the places you could decorate. The bed was huge and elegant, definitely different than your average sized bed at your home, well, old home now.

“What do you think of the room?”

Arata asks. Insecurity, you take note in your head.

“It’s beautiful. It’s just…”

You debate whether or not to mention your concern about the drastic difference from your home

“Just what, miss y/n?”

“It’s just… so big… I feel like all this space is such a waste for me… I’m used to a small bedroom…” Arata seems to knit his brows together at your concerned comment and nods in acknowledgment.

“I’ll see to it that the issue is resolved. How big would you like it?”

You look at Arata like he’s crazy for a moment then offer him a gentle smile, a soft chuckle following it.

“Don’t be so hasty. I’ll get used to it. I’m sure I can fill up the empty space”

You look at Arata’s face an he has his lips pursed

“Is something bothering you?”

You question, internally pinching yourself for intruding on his personal issues without being given permission to become involved.

“Yes actually…”

Arata’s response shocks you and you keep your eyes locked on him, your face radiates kindness and patience to him, wanting to hear what he has to say. Arata noticed your interest and shook his head.

“It is nothing that should concern you. Now, I have some matters to attend to so please make yourself at home and get some rest”

And that was that. Arata closed the bedroom door and you stared at it for a little bit. You told yourself it was none of your business but the conversation lingers in your mind even as you’re laying down to fall asleep.

The days of living in the Usuba house began to bleed together. Your routine was the same everyday and you always took care to be quiet and not bothersome to anyone. Weeks went by and eventually a couple months. This was nothing like those fairytail arranged marriages you had heard about. Neither of you really spoke to each other. You were simply just living there for your family’s benefit.

You had always been so cheery and hopeful. You had been so excited to be married but this was so lackluster. You didn’t feel loved. You wanted to be loved. You werent even sure if you loved Arata. I mean, how would you know if you were in love with him? You barely spoke. No matter. The day was coming to an end once again and you were preparing for bed. You carefully slipped into the covers and listened to the chirping of bugs outside as you drifted to sleep. 

You didn’t sleep long though. A sudden rattle from outside of your bedroom startled you awake. You snapped your head toward the door to see if someone was coming in. When nobody came in you noticed that you had begun to sweat profusely when you had been sleeping. It took a few moments but eventually you realized how hot you felt and how your head ached strongly. You pulled down the sheets to cool off and laid back in bed, trying to sleep. Your effort was useless as the feelings only seemed to worsen as the night passed by and morning came.

Just like every morning, Arata came to knock on your door and tell you that breakfast was ready and that he was going out to run errands.

“Miss y/n, breakfast is ready and waiting downstairs and I’m going to go and run my errands. Are you awake?”

No response.

Arata knit his brows together in concern. He had figured out that you always woke up at 6 am every morning and you always answered him with a cheerful response. So he tried again. When he still received no response he made the choice to go into your room to check on you.

“Y/n I’m coming in!”

Arata carefully pushed the door open and laid eyes on your figured, strewn uncomfortably across the bed. He noticed your skin shining with sweat and hurried over. You must be sick. Arata placed the back of his hand to your forehead, your skin burning hot against his hand. You needed a doctor, quickly.

“Y’n, I’m going to call for a doctor… please don’t attempt to get out of bed, you seem very sick…”

With that, Arata rushed out of the room to get a doctor.

In the meantime, you shivered despite your body heat, your lower jaw trembling. You had never felt this horrible, you just wanted it all to be over. Your mind wandered to how worried Arata had sounded when he found you lying sickly in your bed and it nearly made your heart skip a beat. You replayed his tone of voice in your mind to keep yourself sane while he was gone.

When Arata returned, he had a doctor at his side. The doctor introduced himself but you were too dazed to care, and at this point, all of your reason was out the window. As the doctor examined you, you whimpered out Arata’s name. You wanted, no, needed comfort.

Arata stiffened slightly at the tone you used while saying his name. It was so desperate and filled with pain. It tugged at his heart and he swore he felt his heart drop into his stomach. Without thinking about it, he reached out and held your hand. He didn’t stop to think that you may have something that could pass to him, he just did it.

“I’m here…”

He assured you. His voice made your currently overstimulated self cry. Arata immediately worried he had done something wrong. The doctor pulled his tools away from you and put them away in his bag, ready to give a diagnosis.

“This is likely a strain of influenza.”

The doctor ripped a paper out of his small notepad and used a pen from his pocket to scribble down an address and a prescription medication.

“When you have time, go down to the pharmacy and get her that medication. It will bring down the fever. Make sure to keep a close eye on her.”

Arata nodded firmly, his eyes stuck on you after taking the paper. Without another word, the doctor left and Arata stayed by your side.

“Y’n… I’m going to go and get you this medicine… it will help you to feel better. I promise to be fast…”

In response, he was met with a whine and once again without thinking, he leaned over you, planting a kiss to your forehead. This action shocked him. He noticed the lack of thought he had given to holding your hand and now this. It worried him. He didn’t know why he was acting this way.

Arata made a point to hurry and acquire the medicine. As soon as he got home, he never left your side. He stayed there for weeks to bring you back to health from this nasty case of influenza. You were just now finally coming out of it, able to sit up in bed and speak at last. No chills or shakes anymore, just a minor fever that would surely be gone by morning. Yet here Arata was, still worried about you, insistent on hand feeding you your lunch. You had tried to protest at first but it had been no use, so you let him.

“Arata…”

You begin speaking in between bites and he pauses feeding you to listen to you.

“Yes?”

He gives you a look of questioning.

“Thank you for taking such good care of me… and for that kiss…”

Arata’s cheeks flushed and he seemed to swallow hard at the memory. He had almost forgotten about it.

“Yes… well… it would be a shame if you had not made it through… I admit we have barely spoken with each other since you arrived here.”

You nod and smile, admiring his embarrassment.

“I would love to spend more time with you… but I understand you must be a busy man”

Arata shifts uncomfortably in his chair that he had seated next to your bed.

“I admit… I am not actually overwhelmingly busy. I have been avoiding you because this was simply a marriage of opportunity, I didn’t want to force anything to happen between us”

You laugh at his words and quickly stop yourself, apologizing.

“Sorry- I just think it’s funny because I would prefer if you treated me more like a wife than assuming that I want nothing to do with you… You know where I think a good place to start would be?”

Arata looks at you intently, waiting for you to continue.

“This…”

You move your hand to his cheek gently, pushing a couple stray hairs out of the way and pressing your lips to his forehead. His cheeks suddenly burn bright red and he almost seems like he’s glowing.

“That’s a thank you… for the one that you gave me…”

Arata sat, star-struck by your boldness. He looked at you with such a curious and tender expression this time. You know what? He could live with this whole arranged marriage situation… You were more than just his purpose now, you were his reason.

[pa-pa-plasma]

love fics where Danny ends up in the DC universe & every alarm goes off at once & the magic users are like "yeah that's the most powerful being in the universe & also possibly super evil we are FUCKED fucked" & the Justice League is freaking tf out trying to find this thing that casually tore a hole in reality & it just cuts to Danny (Fenton) standing in the background blissfully unaware & like "man my life sucks but at least i have this candy bar—" *drops it in a puddle*

[warpedpuppeteer]

It's interesting how Buck's love interests are all written in a way that ends because of the reason they meet/happen in the first place and then of course, we have Eddie.

Abby, who changes Buck's view of a healthy relationship but then turns around and ghosts him, making him wait for months on end and letting him realize she's not coming back on his own.

Ali, who meets Buck during a dangerous situation in his line of work and then leaves him for how dangerous his work is.

Taylor, who lashes out at Buck for using her as a fake date and saying she thought she could trust Buck to be a friend who then ends up using him for her career and chose to put his friends in danger.

Natalia, who's there to help him embrace and deal with his temporary death but it leads to their break up because of the constant talk surrounding death when Buck's not comfortable with it.

We can't confirm for Tommy till it ends but it's important to note how he offers to get Buck into his interests like flying and muay thai yet doesn't show effort with Buck's interests like dressing up according to the bachelor party theme despite Buck being stressed about it. And we also have the fact that the entire reason they got together was due to Buck's jealousy for Eddie which he then claims to be was for Tommy. Makes me think they are either going to end because of differing interests OR because of the jealousy issue popping up again.

Funnily enough, every scene above has an Eddie parallel:

Eddie co-parents with Buck and not only does this not stop after a dangerous event but Eddie also has Buck down as a legal guardian (healthy relationship - Abby).

Eddie is in the same dangerous line of work and they have each other's backs. This happens right off the bat too.(dangerous job - Ali).

The Lawsuit era and The Dispatch era - both where they "betray" each other but manage to work through it (betrayal/lie - Taylor).

Eddie doesn't pressure Buck to talk about his temporary death until Buck's ready and is more focused about him living than in his death (death doula - Natalia).

Eddie who has different interests than Buck (poker, basketball and UFC/MMA) but also manages to show interest and actively takes part in whatever Buck comes up with; he suggests their outfit for the themed party AND ends up staying there for Buck even when others leave (different hobbies & showing interest/taking part - Tommy).

Absolutely fascinating when you start noticing that Buck's relationships keep failing for one reason or another and then we have him and Eddie who face the same sort of situations but they still come out of it stronger together.

It's clear that there's a reason Buck is able to overcome anything when it comes to Eddie (that conversation with Maddie about being there for each other even at their worst 👀) and we've already established that everything Eddie looks for in a partner is already something he has found in Buck. So really, all that's left is for them to realize that hey, the one I'm looking for is right in front of me! 🤷🏽

And yes, it's been said to death (hah) but you don't find it son you make it. And Buck and Eddie have already made it.

[chiropteracupola]

c. 1540 CE: a young man from Chalco, and his dragon.

[dailyloopdeloop]

loop and mirabelle. That's it that's the ask

DAY 84: enrolled in the gossip wars

[peridots-pixiwolf]

[Start ID. A digital drawing of Gabriel and V1 from Ultrakill in super-saturated, pixellated colors. It seemingly takes place during phase two of his second fight, judging by Gabe's bright yellow-cyan wings and the consequent blush shining through his helmet. Gabriel is pictured on the left, facing the left side of the screen with his head turned to V1, preparing to strike them with the bloodied spear in his right hand. Small but frequent splatters of blood dot his armor and outstretched wings, fabrics torn through in places. V1 is on the right, aiming its piercer revolver at his face. Their arms are stacked in pairs on either side, idle Feedbacker and Knuckleblaster on the left and Whiplash tucked atop their default arm on the right. Both parties are stylized to resemble insects, Gabe with beetle wings and a halo in the shape of antennae, and V1 with the four wings, four arms, short antennae and bristles expected of a dragonfly. End ID]

woah.... happy 1 year anniversary to gay people

also a couple alts (background removed, just gabe, and just v1, respectively) in hopes it'll be a little easier to understand what's going on and all!

additionally once again: special thanks to @magnumopos and @muzzleroars , neither of which I have actually spoken to in my life but both of which are credited with partially inspiring this! (dedicated section under the readmore due to the fact I do not generally tag people at all ever and wasn't sure if I should, but thought it was worth mentioning!) The former for giving me the wonderful idea of dragonfly V1, the latter for drawing V1 like a strange little creature + for the feedbacker plate, I enjoy both your works :]

(retroactively, on march 27th of 2024, assigning them a full bingo with credit to deep-space-lines. ehehehehe)

[pommegrantaire]

Tell me, tell me you'll meet me Tell me, tell me you'll keep me

[ghastlyaffairs]

for something as trivial and simple those feelings sure are hard to get rid of

also made a gif a version for fun + alt version with no tears under the cut

the gif is in very low resolution...this is a feature (i could make it bigger but that would require saving each frame individually and than glueing it all together. also i feel like low resolution suits it better. aesthetically and fits the mood)

[skrunksthatwunk]

KUWAMESHI SKETCH DUMP KUWAMESHI SKETCH DUMP in which they are little shits who cannot stop messing with each other

also obv zoom in to see everything bc this shit is CRAMPED. but it's all neat i prommy

[butterflysonnets]

yes i'm rooting for m*leven breakup because byler is neat but mostly? i'm rooting for m*leven breakup for the sake of el and mike.

to me, their romance was always a puppy love born out of a combination of social pressures, naïve curiosity, and a lack of true understanding regarding intimacy and romantic love and what it really is. it was real in that they do truly, deeply care about each other and they are close friends, maybe even shared an attraction, but a maturing romance is so much more than that. they've grown up and out of being boyfriend/girlfriend, and that's okay! i think television/film needs to show more often that most of us don't have definite "soulmates" or first childhood loves that we spend our whole lives with. it doesn't mean these relationships meant nothing and didn't impact us, it just means they've run their course and that something else is in the cards, and this is part of life!

i've always felt el was at her best and most confident self when broken up with mike, discovering who she was and what she liked alongside another girl her age instead of just relying on mike for mentorship on how to live in the real world. she deserves more of an opportunity to find herself, her autonomy, and her independence, and to love who she is, and she's made it clear she's felt insecure in the relationship with mike because she isn't being loved and understood the way she wants, needs, and deserves from someone who is her partner.

also, it's okay if mike doesn't love her in "the way he should". he is not obligated to love her romantically and stay in a relationship with her just because she's a girl, because she "needed someone", or because he cares about her a lot. he shouldn't be pressured into a romance if it's not truly coming from his heart. he deserves freedom to find out and honour who he is, too, instead of just staying in his non-functional first relationship — one he got into as a child, essentially — and defining himself that way because it's what's expected when a boy and a girl are close. he loves her in some way, yes, but it's okay if he doesn't feel comfortable or secure being her boyfriend anymore, for whatever reason that is. he's felt insecure too, and that's valid and it matters.

they are their own people and are steadily growing and changing every day. they need time to figure out who those people are, and it's become clear (at least in my opinion) that those people aren't meant to be a couple at this stage.

they deserve freedom. they deserve to grow up and be authentic to themselves and not feel like they need to lie for the sake of a relationship. they deserve to move on from this version of their relationship that isn't making them happy and rekindle the best part of their bond: their strong, beautiful friendship. they don't have to be a couple if it doesn't make them stronger and better and happier people.

i think it would be healthy and wonderful for a show, especially one consumed frequently by young adults, to show a relationship starting, progressing, and ending on good terms in this way. sometimes things don't work out, and that is okay.

[rinbylin]

friendships as marital ties (and other notes on relational ties) in mlc

this is sort of a third installment in the series of meta on 'mlc as an exemplar of constructing queer narratives out of chinese ideological frameworks' (1. jianghu as queer space and 2. how it manifests in li xiangyi) - focusing on the nature of relationships in it. (which I've briefly mentioned in the first one and finally actually getting to it!!)

-

I would like to first call attention to chinese ideological frameworks as a premise of queer reading in mlc. the goal of chinese philosophy is to explore the becoming of human, taking two broad paths of the (mainstream) secular vs. escaping the secular. (these two paths are not a strict dichotomy, and rather, are ever in flux and in conversation with each other.) as said by @markiafc too, chineseness is so much about the rigidity of structures, and in equal part, a desire to break out of them. thus, chinese ideological frameworks can very much offer a rich reading of queerness - that mlc, a story very deliberately structured based on chinese ideologies (more accurately, with good reasons for me to believe that it is as such), has managed to materialise.

if the conceptualisation of queerness is premised on a defiance against mainstream norms, then a reliable way to read queerness in chinese ideological frameworks can be to deconstruct it by the mainstream confucian frameworks.

in mlc, this is implicitly set up with its stage of wulin/martial jianghu. then it is further broken down by asking, hey wulin jianghu is still closely related to the hegemonic values and the mainstream structure of authority (historically, 侠 xia being politically involved says a lot about this), so what is the true meaning of jianghu? what does it then really take for jianghu to be a queer space offering comfort and freedom to those who have escaped to it - to be the space that allow the transcendence of rigid roles and labels? mlc took a step further to resist the proxy to mainstream values that wulin jianghu has become.

this is why there can be a very strong buddhism reading of mlc (suggested here, expounded in the A+++ meta by @markiafc here and here, and also what I've seen discussed by cnet as well), given that buddhism is one of the 'extra-secular' ideologies, alongside (philosophical) taoism. I've also touched on a taoist angle in this meta. both schools are articulated in different sets of languages, but ultimately convey a same ideal of what it means to be human and how to live well - that is, to resist the roles and labels defined by the norms.

so, back to confucian frameworks.

a lot can be discussed about mlc with it. but in the context of this meta about relationships in mlc, it's specifically drawing on how confucianism conceptualises social relationships with familial ties as a cornerstone, and how these relational ties are inextricable from the conceptualisation of the 'self'.

as such, one of the things about mlc that has fascinated me is how deliberately it seems to ignore and reject the conventional familial ties (the kind by blood and marital ties). I've joked about how it is a miracle for me to love mlc as much as I do, as a prime dysfunctional family story enjoyer, despite none of its main characters struggling with any complicated feelings about their (biological) parents. but on closer examination, mlc is also making a comment on the model of familial-based relationships that dominates mainstream society - but through the absence of it.

with this, I want to talk about 1) how mlc rejects the conventional ties; and then 2) how it repurposes these ties in its own ways.

-

the five relational ties in confucianism:

father and son 父子有亲 - (natural) affection between father and son

ruler and subject 君臣有义 - righteous relationship between ruler and subject

older and younger brothers 兄弟 (长幼有序) - this is actually about seniority within the family; the order between older vs younger family members

husband and wife 夫妇有别 - differentiation between husband and wife (demarcated by the 内外 spectrum of gendered inner-external spheres)

friends 朋友有信 - trust between friends

logically inferred, all these ties are hierarchical and familial-based except for the last one: friends. ruler-subject is sort of an extension of the natural familial ties, while friendship is the inverse space of 1-4 (ie. you fall back on 5 to define a social relationship outside of the familial sphere that cannot be qualified as 1-4). while all are premised on mutuality, it is only no. 5 that is defined by a sense of choice and equality.

on the surface, 1-4 don't quite exist in mlc in particularly meaningful ways to the narrative or are even outright overlooked, and friendship is the relational tie most valued by mlc. we can tell it's true just by looking at the most meaningful relationships in mlc of difanghua. but at the same time, it is more nuanced. we can take a closer look at how the story plays around with most of the ties as part of a broader queer narrative.

-

1) how mlc rejects the conventional ties

mlc's rejection of mainstream relational ties can be best seen in fdb escaping from marriage. and it was not just any engagement with anybody but an engagement with the imperial family. he struggles with the prospect of being married to princess zhaoling, but generally, it's about the idea of complying to mainstream conventions and expectations that includes compulsory heterosexuality. all these point not only to a defiance against amatonormativity - the resistance of the traditional husband-wife tie, but also an irreverence for the ties of ruler-subject (the engagement being an imperial decree) and father-son (matters of marriage being sole decisions made by parents).

of course this is on top of how fdb's own biological father is a p-o-s, and the narrative gives fdb minimal struggles in this aspect, allowing him to sever this tie without looking back (I love it, yeap). along the same line is how lxy is an orphan, who came to gain important relationships that are built on natural compassion among people rather than innate, blood-based ties - even as llh. the sense of defiance from the narrative is especially stark to me considering that he could have a completely different familial-based life - as a son, brother, and ruler, if his biological family was still around. the narrative also deliberately treats his biological brother as a phantom, replaced with an older brother who he was bonded with neither by blood nor marital ties. on dfs's front, absolutely nothing is to be known about his biological family. his childhood history with the toxic patriarch of his life - who is not even his biological father - was afforded a clean break and closure.

we can keep going on, but that's pretty much the point.

ritualisation is one of the most important things of the confucianism school, especially to the honoring of these social relationships (and the officiating of social roles). the one ceremony/ritual we saw in mlc involving the main characters - or more accurately speaking, came closest to seeing - was the imminent wedding ceremony of dfs and jlq. even in that case, it was premised on non-mutuality with dfs being the unwilling, passive party. (fem-coded dfs? 25 marks.)

and that brings us to the next part.

-

2) how mlc repurposes these ties

that particular wedding ceremony gets hijacked by dfs and lxy/llh, and gets turned into an important milestone in their relationship. they consummate - what is on text - their friendship after a long time being more enemies and rivals than friends. it is a clear establishment of the trust they have for each other. and here it is where I circle back to the subject of this post: friendships as marital ties.

in this article, as a part of a feminist, egalitarian reframing of confucianism, there is a proposal for spousal relationships to be reframed as a friendship tie. (this aligns with the interrelatedness of the five ties eg. the ruler-subject mirrors father-son dynamic, with the confucian belief that rulers have an obligation to their subjects alike parents to their own children.) by doing so, it removes the functional, gendered differentiation assigned to marital ties, and shifts it to something equal, and independent of gender. you exalt the value of trust between spouses, instead of basing marital relationships on gendered roles. as such, spouses become more like friends, and conversely, friends can also become more like spouses. (romance not a prerequisite. it has never been about romance anyway.)

given that mlc has repeatedly applied marital motifs to llh and dfs's characters in their joint narratives, this opens up a reading friendships as a marital tie. seeing marriage as a bridge for strangers to become family, marriage in mlc becomes a metaphor for the chosen commitment and mutual trust put in by strangers/friends (non-familial ties) into the becoming of family. the blurring of lines between marital ties and friendship encourages a genuine space of queer experience that goes beyond any pressure for strict labels - of sexuality, and relationships as romantic, sexual, etc etc.

(note: despite the borrowing of a feminist concept, I strongly hesitate to call mlc a feminist story. it's a whole discussion - or debate - on its own. nevertheless, it is definitely a gender-conscious story that lays foundation for a strong queer and egalitarian reading.)

-

it is to be noted that it is intended - and also beneficial to take the confucian framework of relational ties beyond face value. the framework offers what it believed to be the most fundamental social relationship dynamics, and sees room for extension and matching to other kinds of relationships (all if not, most). a relationship such as teacher-student, which is outside of the five ties stated, can also mirror the affection of father-son ties, albeit not in a literal and identical way.

speaking of which. fdb and lxy/llh.

indeed they're known by others to be good friends. fdb thinks they're good friends too - insists on it, and puts his best efforts in keeping it that way. but does it really go both ways? if it does not, then can it really still be friendship? my humble take is that, ultimately - weighing in with llh's perspective - this is a relationship that is not so much based on trust, and rather, based on an innate affection that is only unique to family. (in this case, not blood/marital-based but one that was chosen and built aka lxy's relationship with sgd.) in other words, less of a friendship, more of a familial one.

it is a lot clearer considering their relationship from llh's point of view: some brat you never wanted in your life came barging in, and whether he was going to bring any positive effect to your life was secondary to the tranquility - which you have carved for yourself in the past decade - that is so integral to your personhood. no way. but the moment you hear that he's family? well, that changes the game completely. even before learning about fdb being sgd's son (then beginning to take initiative in showing greater acceptance), it is apparent in llh that there was an instinctive resonance with fdb as his shixiong's nephew. (eg. he remarked to his shifu's grave about how alike fdb is to himself.) this is unlike with dfs whom he had taken a much longer time to build trust with. you do not apply trust - aka the quality of friendships - to family. family is something deeper, more instinctive than that. if fdb was never family, I find it hard to imagine given llh's personality, that he would have let some brazen, bratty stranger intrude for that long. (boy invited himself to llh's home, sat himself down eating the owner's dinner and nosing in his cooking abilities!!! ily bb but that was uncalled for 😭)

of course there are many more layers in their relationship. there is a substantial degree of their history as (unwitting) teacher-disciple: fdb is still healthy and alive all thanks to the existence of lxy as a spiritual teacher role model in his life, regardless it being one-sided or not. there is also indeed some part of friendship in it, especially from fdb's point of view. he sees llh as a kindred spirit who he could enjoy a life of freedom with for life. but llh never reciprocates. he knew this was short-lived. and so ultimately, the hierarchical layer of their relationship overpowers the equal one, where llh's treatment of fdb as a nephew/小辈 younger family member and a disciple is the one that sealed the fate of their relationship.

if (blood-based) familial ties are irrelevant in jianghu, then the closest proxy to a father-son relationship in the martial world would be a teacher-disciple relationship. lxy and his shifu are a clear, indisputable example. for fdb and llh, their teacher-disciple tie is murkier and not consistently applied. they were also never ritualised as teacher-disciple, and thus are not teacher-disciple in any official capacity as far as confucian ideas are concerned. yet in crucial moments, it is invoked by llh as a card of authority over fdb to get out of sticky situations with fdb. and there was their final scene together: in a moment of sincerity, llh gives the approval to fdb as his disciple - then entrusting fdb with the secret manual of his techniques, up until his final letter in which fdb was recommended to dfs as a successor to his martial abilities.

in an imperial setting, this would have been the relationship of an emperor and his crown prince that straddles both ruler-subject and father-son ties aka a tag-team of disaster. the teacher has an obligation to nurture his disciple as a successor to himself, and love him like a son too. on the flipside, he holds the final power in their relationship - withholding knowledge and feelings from the younger one. they are only equals in a way a parent-child can be. they are only equals as much as the parent allows. and this is how fdb got left behind in the dust of llh's departure. he was the child treating his parent like a friend, supporting him emotionally and begging to be loved back the same way he loves his parent - but the parent had a lifetime way ahead of him and stayed out of his reach, physically and emotionally.

llh and fdb operate with the trapping of a friendship but have always been family in the core. llh had known that way before fdb did, just like everything else he had known and put out of fdb's reach. because. fdb did not have to know. fdb is different and will forge his own path. and that's a kind of love llh has for him that nobody understands (in fact not even fdb himself) - one that is on a different plane from friendships.

by repurposing the framework of relational ties, mlc showed that the essence of familial relationships aka its intimacy and closeness can be independent from biology and formalised rituals. and it is important to myself for stories to say that people can build close ties and deeply meaningful relationships even without being born or ritualised into any.

-

then back to how these relational ties are inextricable from the conceptualisation of the 'self' in confucian worldview: the roles you play in these relationships are intended to define you. there is no 'self' independent from it. while the concept of a social, relational self is fully rooted in reality, being locked into social roles can be a painful way to live - a way that llh has experienced as lxy the sigu sect leader. so, in order for lxy/llh to realise a sense of self that exists outside the norms, it inevitably points to another way that requires a cut from these relationships. that is then the buddhist (or taoist) answer of looking past attachments to the world such as the confucian idea of relationships defining your being. only with a dissolution of a sense of 'self', can there be true liberation.

[gummi-ships]

Kingdom Hearts Birth by Sleep - The Land of Departure

[keinkaku]

no idea if this will reach the target... people... but does anyone have that one bagginshield (bagginsshield??) fic where they carve their kid out of stone...???? or well. not really? but the kid was (incompletely) made by thrain (it was stone) and bilbo completed it with wood i think... what i remember most about it was that kili was born through like a misshapen stone cause dis lost him and fili has a scar on his hand because of it.... NO IDEA IF PEOPLE STILL GO THERE IT'S 2024 AND THE LAST HOBBIT MOVIE WAS IN 2014 IF I REMEMBER RIGHT (late to the party on account of being 9 at the time) so like. yeah. if anyone over there sees this and knows the fic. please. i'm begging. i've been looking the past few days and i cannot find it for some reason i'm losing sleep over this please help

[nostalgia-tblr]

"are people not into that?" i ask, after posting my weird niche shit to the internet, despite knowing it to be weird niche shit.

[starflungwaddledee]

this is a long shot and i'm sorry to ask, but if you don't mind, can mutuals (or contacts or regulars... just... this community) of mine who aren't jumping ship like... let me know? will any of us still be here? is it over? i'm trying to know if this really is it or what's... even happening. i hate to reassurance seek but i'm feeling pretty miserable and confused.

edit: felt like i was being really pitiful and fragile making this but everybody is being so nice to me and responding so patiently with all your thoughts and i'm in tears of gratitude thank you thank you thank you 💖

[singingcicadas]

"I hugged everyone in the room so that I could hug you."