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heyitsyn · 4 years ago

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Nekoma!Manager!Male!Reader

a/n: never written male reader before but this was a funny request and i really do see the irony in this

anon request:

absolutely LOVED your seijoh hcs! you said you wanted to do the other schools so i thought, how about nekoma but with a MALE manager bc it would be so ironic to have a male god as their manager rather than a goddess that they always talked about!! thank youuuuuuu!!!!!!!

yall the nekoma fanchant is literally stuck in my head

hehe uwu lets step on the pedal

ong jesus take the wheel pls

so basically,,,

being the nekoma manager is a MESS

lets say youre a second year and was only the manager bc you were begged into taking the job

like wouldnt leave you alone and pestered you 25/8, screaming about needing their own god manager

also just because, you are fairly popular and you have your own fanclub of girls in nekoma and they thought it would give them more exposure and more chances w girls :’)

tora was actually the first who came up to you and begged you to be their manager during class one day bc they are in need of one but they arent allowed to have a girl manager so he turned to having a handsome male

‘I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IT HAS TO BE A BOY’

‘so you wont be all over him abd be distracted w showing off’

‘WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION MY SE-’

‘tora, please’

initially, you refused bc you just couldnt be bothered to be part of a club where you basically babysit a bunch of overgrown children

but kenma, your childhood friend, was the team’s last attempt to get you in since kuroo mentioned that he was the only one you listened to

‘kenma, babie, i love you, but i am your friend, not your nanny. so unless i am paid, i will not waste my time taking care of of all of you. especially that chicken head’

‘y/n, yaku is on his last leg here. we really need a manager and we need it fast’

‘you went for years without one so why do you need it?’

‘we’re scared that nekomata would just drop dead any minute now’

‘yanno? im surprised hes even still alive with yall’

‘....... ill show your fangirls that picture of you when we were 5 when-’

‘okay, kenma. rude about the blackmail but okay. dont expect me to be the maid or anything’

nope, you were actually the maid

and the cook

and the nanny

and the laundry person

the everything

it baffles you that kuroo is about to graduate next year yet he still doesnt know the difference between fabric softener and detergent

the amount of times you sent him to pick up more and only to send him back when he ended up buying 2 softeners or 2 detergents

‘they all look the same!’

‘kuroo tetsuro cAN yOu NoT rEAd?!’

ngl i still mix them up sometimes

during matches, youre basically their mother, their nanny, and nekomata’s notetaker, and their personal cheerleader

naoi, the other coach guy, and coach nekomata has adopted you as a son bc of how hard you work and the less the burden is on them

like your notes about their playing percentages really works and helps them and added with the chores you do for the team?

godsend

also, lets put your popularity in here

you dress with a white shirt and zip up your red nekoma jacket with your red sweatpants so you look like one of the players, right?

but how come every time they have practice, youre the only one with the fangirls in the bleachers?

youre literally wearing the same thing as them yet youre the only one who gets looked at?!

even kuroo, who was quite good looking, doesnt have that many girls pining after him yet you, resident anti-tryhard, seems to get the female population to fall for you just by doing the simplest things like breathing

youd be doing normal things like using your whistle as you hold a clipboard and girls would be screeching at you

‘omg m/n is so hot!’

‘hes just !!!! uuggghhhh’

‘siri how to be a whistle?’

i am uncomfortable with the energy we have created in the gym today

tora complains about it all the time bc first, they cant have a beautiful manager, two, they have a pretty boy who’s taking the attention away

‘SO NOT FAIR! M/N, TURN UGLY!’

you bonk him on the head in anger and threaten to quit all the time

‘say that again and you’ll be filling your own water bottles tomorrow’

but in truth though, the guys really do appreciate you and everything you do

they know that you balance them with your personal life and classes and still make time to do their laundry and make them food

so they have started easing off the burden and weight off of your shoulders

at first, you were very suspicious when they told you that they already filled their water bottles

‘huh? i didnt think you even knew where the water fountain was’

‘wym weve been doing this for years’

-kuroo

then, you heard kuroo tell the others to put their sweaty jerseys in the basket in the corner of the room and for the last person to carry it to the laundromat

‘um, sir, we dont want to have another pink jersey disaster again’

you stopped inuoka from lugging the basket but he shook his head and gave you a wide grin

‘nope, m/n-senpai! i’ll carry it for you! i’m strong, see?’

he flexed his right arm muscle while holding the basket with one hand but it was too heavy so it fell to the ground, spilling out all the practice jerseys

you sighed before bending down to pick them up and babie inuoka’s eyes watered, thinking you were mad at him

‘gomen, senpai’

he whispered but you looked up at him from your position

his watery eyes made you frantically stand up and wipe his tears with the pads of your thumbs

‘inu-kun, why are you crying? you said you were strong right? dont cry over silly things, okay?’

he nodded and you were still confused as to why he was so emotional but you patted his fluffy hair

‘now cmon, lets go take these to the shop’

unbeknownst to you, the team was actually seething from behind the wall

naturally, as a,,, manager,, you became their,,, energy??

like the slightest affections from you made their health bar increase tenfold and they didnt necessarily have any intentions towards you

you were like,,, their own,,,, happy drug?? like a human seratonin??

just the fact that they had someone like you to fall back on and give them love when they lost or something

it was comforting

usually it was just the team’s responsibility to throw away their own sadness and comfort each other

but with you,,,

they could easily cry with no fear and you would comfort them until they didnt need to be comforted anymore

eventually, they ended up straight out competing against each other on who would get the most affection

clearly, inuoka used his first year card and everyone knew you were soft for your kouhais

like you would just grab them and hug them because of how cute they were

uwu especially lev?!

he may be a giant but hes just a really REALLY REALLY BIG CAT

;)

LEV LIVES TO HUG YOU

like the mans is beanstalk level of height and despite the age difference, he just picks you up and cuddles you and youre just like ‘okay, let it out babie’

DKSFJSLD ANYWAYS

you are always a hot topic w all the students in nekoma and even some in other schools

like during training camp, bro you making everyone question their sexuality

omg akaashi and you are probably the prettiest people there and can i just say how everyone cant focus on a practice match bc youd be laughing together or something and they havent heard anything so beautiful??

and the kitties get really defensive over you and hiss at anyone who even tries to approach you

hiss hiss

DKJFSLKDFJDWHAT IF EVERYONE IN THE TEAM IS BI

OMG WHAT

like the little touches from you make them so red and confident gays like kuroo and bokuto call you out on them and tease you

while the quiet ones like akaashi and kenma are just blushing and stutter and you tease them instead?

*inhale* BOI *exhale*

the uke and seme dynamic is real on this one

however, there are times when the turned tables

there was that one day that you were seriously questioning if bokuto wore leggings or just really high knee pads and you cornered him after baths to just figure it out

like our poor confident boi turned to a shy babie and shrunk against the wall, covering his red face

‘y-y/n-kun’

‘bo-san, i just want to know’

DKFSJLKDFJFJSDKIM DYING OVER HERE LIKE PLEASE I DONT OWN Y/N

after seeing the smidge of skin at the top of the kneepad, you nodded and brushed your fingertips over the flesh

‘hmm~ so i was right~’

FROM THEN ON POOR BABIE OWL COULDNT LOOK AT YOU THE SAME!!!!!!

it worried everyone so much when bokuto would glance at you in the sidelines and he would competely miss akaashi’s set bc his eyes would focus on you rather than the ball

like he absolutely couldnt take his eyes off of you and when you do turn to meet his eyes, he shrinks back and looks away, completely missing your amused smirk

now, your kitties werent happy about that

theyre very protective of you and they felt that this owl could snatch you right up and fly away

and kuroo, being the captain and the head of the familia, took it upon himself and dragged you to the back of the gym while the others were practicing

kurat pushed you against the wall and basically kabedonned you

KUROO IS LIKE 6′2 OR 190 CM I CANT

‘you seem close with bokuto, l/n. almost, too,, close’

an amused smirk etched itself on your lips and you pressed a hand on his chest

‘oya~? captain-san, am i being punished?’

SFDKLFSJKLDFJL SIR Y/N IS SUPPOSED TO RADIATE SEME ENERGY BUT HE ISNT AND I CANNOT-

ofc he was taken aback by your flirty attitude but he smirked and softly brushed away your bangs that slightly covered your eyes

‘hmm~~ depends, y/n-kun. are you going to be a good kitty and stay with the clowder? or are you going to stay with those pesky chickens~?’

DKFLSJDKFJSL BRO DID YOU KNOW A GROUP OF CATS IS CALLED A CLOWDER?! I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT BUT I HAVE A FEELING KUROO WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT BC HE BIG BRAIN

you chuckled and gently wrapped your arms around his shoulders

but your hand grabbed the hair at the back of his head and harshly pulled him to be closer to you

your eyes blinked innocently but your sharp teeth were shown from your malicious grin

‘ive always been a bad kitty, captain. so i dont care what you say because you cant tell me what to do~’

👀👀👀👀

imagine what happens next bc i cant write something unholy

anyways

so you learned that tetsu CAN in fact tell you what to do and you avoided everyone else which caused them to wonder but one look at your neck

well,,,,,

you got attacked by a cat

a cat named tetsu

SKDFLJSDKFJSLKUROO IS THE ONLY SEME YOU CLASH WITH

THE OTHERS ARE ALL UKE

EVEN BEEFY BUFF CAKE BOI BO

but you toned it down to not be attacked again

ngl the whole team was all jealous and they even whined to kuroo about it

‘thats not fair!!!!’

‘stop abusing your role as captain!!!!’

they hated the fact that kuroo got you first so they all rally over to keep you away from him

like baby kenma would nudge you over and bring him to sit next to you, saying he needs you to help him with a certain level

‘kenny, im not sure how to play this game’

‘hmm,,,, youre a quick learner, y/n, and youre really quick with your fingers so you could pass to the next level’

*insert lenny face*

‘oya? and you would know how, kenny?’

and baby kenny would fluster a little before glomping to your side and burying his face into your shoulder to hide away

the first years would absolutely use their kouhai priviledges and bring you over to help them with ‘homework’

‘you guys realize i passed because kuroo would beat me into studying right?’

‘but senpai! you mustve learned a thing or two in your classes!’

‘bold of you to assume i was even awake in my classes’

but they still make you spend hours trying to help them which turn into just messing around

KSDLFJSDKFJD MOVIE NIGHTS YOU GUYS THATS IT!!

there isnt really a single calm moment in your guys’ practice

poor you have already started seeing lot of gray hairs

you literally decline every single confession just because youre too busy for a date and you cant handle having to take care of another person

its like youre dating the whole team!!

soon the entire school have just accepted the fact that you are just simply not in the market anymore just because you joined the club

not because youre actually taken by a girlfriend but youre taken by a bunch of teenage males

imagine how that works out

anyways

youre not really the best volleyball player out there but you know a thing or two

well,,, its more like your stamina doesnt allow you to play long bc a single lap literally destroys your lungs

but you still know when yaku complains about having a shaky receive

‘oh, momo-senpai, youre bending your knees too low so gravity is pushing down on your-’

ugh chemistry i hate it

despite your lack of athletic or physical skills, they still appreciate you for your keen eyes, your caring nature, and your overall looks that give them motivation to play harder to impress you personality :)

all the boys love you

and tbh

you love your boys too

even though it was a blackmail caused event,

you still would’ve joined otherwise

this is kinda short but its going to be longer if i find some plots or somebody asks for a plotline that i can write about for a long time

anyways

byeeeee :)))))

a/n: this isnt exactly the best manager one ive written but ill probably find a good prompt for this or again as stated ^^ someone sends in an ask for it and ill write a story for our favorite male manager :’D

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what-breaks-my-heart · 4 years ago

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DanHwa Couple: Happy Ending versus Sad Ending

Note: I did plan to publish this post in conjunction with the last day of Run On Week when I came up with the idea for this post but I never thought this post would eventually be this long so I’m not going to ruin it for everyone 😂🙈

Previously, I’ve touched on the main theme of DanHwa’s storyline - goals & dreams.

Before I continue, I wish to extend my heartiest gratitude to @belsmultifandommess for taking my gif requests specifically so I could include them in this post ❤❤❤ You can click on “GIF by belsmultifandommess” to view the full sets from which the gifs I’ve included in this post were sourced. If you haven’t already, give some love to those beautiful gifsets.

This is going to be one hell of a long post so hydrate yourselves, get some snacks, prepare a box of tissues if you are a softie like me, and buckle up.

Previously in my series of write up on DanHwa storyline...

About Seo Dan Ah

Seo Dan Ah, Her Little Brother Seo Tae Woong, and A Planned Coup in Seomyung Group

Goals & Dreams - The Main Premise in the Live of Seo “Rapunzel” Dan Ah

Goals & Dreams - I Need You to Cooperate with Me

I have to be honest. The finale left me with so much feelings that made me struggle to understand how DanHwa’s storyline was concluded. There have been various takes on the conclusion of their storyline and I cannot totally disregard each of them because they do make sense in a way.

After seeing the preview for the finale, I did pose a question whether Young Hwa would agree to cooperate with Dan Ah’s potential goal to stop seeing each other, while still holding on to his dream of not breaking up with her.

As I was starting the finale, I saw the episode description on Netflix and giggled at how the storyline of DanHwa was described.

Mi-joo’s work gets a director noticed overseas. Yeong-hwa and Dan-ah achieve their own goals. Seon-gyeom officially becomes a sports agent.

Earlier, I did a write up about how Dan Ah was plotting a coup in Seomyung Group. Later in the finale, it was revealed that all along, she had been waiting for her father to pass away so she could take back what’s rightfully hers. I stand corrected. Dan Ah sweetie, I should have thought better than slandering you 🥺

True enough, she needed Tae Woong’s support in the coup, but she didn’t say the situation might call for him to turn against her because she wanted him to come clean about his paternity, but she said it because she knew how the bastard ‘older’ brother would blackmail Tae Woong into voting for him for the position of the successor in Seomyung Group by abusing his power and influence in Seomyung Group. I bet he was the one who started the rumour about Tae Woong’s paternity in order to control Tae Woong.

However, Dan Ah needed Tae Woong’s support as one of the major shareholders so that she could obtain enough support to be in a position of power in Seomyung Group. And thanks to his support, Dan Ah was promoted as the youngest Vice President of Seomyung Group. Yes, she was not yet wielding the power as the Chairwoman of Seomyung Group, but being a Vice President of Seomyung Group was itself a shorter-term goal, or a milestone towards achieving her dream of taking back what’s hers - her title as the rightful heiress of Seomyung Group.

Just like what Young Hwa - bless his young, optimistic yet immature self - told Dan Ah when she first came to his college after he kept crossing the line; if a dream seemed impossible to be achieved, focus instead on shorter-term goals while working towards chasing that dream.

By the way when I think of it, it was never made clear if the ‘older’ bastard son was appointed as President of Seomyung Group. Imagine if he was, because it wouldn’t be surprising, but he could never have things done his way because Dan Ah would keep having his ass handed to him by convincing the board room just how stupid his ways were.

Anyways, the way the story of DanHwa was concluded could be open to various interpretation, and I now believe it was intentionally done so. Why?

Exhibit 1

Young Hwa telling Dan Ah that his new goal was to watch her from a distance neither too far that he could not see her, nor too close that his field of vision would be blocked, so that he could always see her wherever he was.

He did so by asking her to just stay where she was. Of course the moment he said it, my alarms were buzzing because of how the story had compared her to Rapunzel living in a castle.

It was when Young Hwa looked “Seo Dan Ah” up on the internet when he later realised that he had forgotten how Dan Ah had been living in a castle that a peasant like him could never even dream of entering, since she was Rapunzel.

Exhibit 2

When Young Hwa and Dan Ah finally met again in front of his painting at the gallery, Dan Ah said that she was going to make that day to be her real birthday, before Young Hwa was finally able to wish her happy birthday.

These lines did seem rather out of place, but when I think more about it, it was Dan Ah cooperating with Young Hwa’s goal for both of them to celebrate her real birthday together.

This was in contrast to when she said her birthday was far away. This to me, seemed like both a literal and figurative remark.

In the literal sense, she was not sure at that point in time if they could still see each other when the day would eventually come.

Whereas in the figurative sense, celebrating her real birthday would symbolise a celebration of her successfully claiming her rightful title as the heiress of Seomyung Group - which seemed like a stretch to her at that time because she didn’t know about her father’s health condition.

But when they finally met again, she realised that there was someone who cherished her and kept her inside his radiant heart. And this person wanted to celebrate her real birthday with her because her being born was a miracle (just as other birth), because she was healthy, and because she was seeing him.

And he wanted to celebrate her real birthday with her as a way of expressing his gratitude to the heaven for all of these.

But ultimately, Young Hwa wanted to celebrate Dan Ah’s real birthday with her to get her heart in return.

And when Dan Ah decided to make the day they finally met again as her real birthday, it was symbolic that instead of obsessing over her dream of getting back her rightful title as the heiress of Seomyung Group which might require her staying in her castle, she finally gave her heart to Young Hwa, even though she was desperate to keep her heart intact due to her health condition. Maybe it’s just me but I think it’s poetic in a way.

And when she made the decision, it was symbolic to her accepting living with a fake birthday as long as someone truly cherishes her, because it may be fake, but her feeling was otherwise as real as it gets.

Exhibit 3

When the four besties met up and discussed about endings, Young Hwa told the group that his happy ending would be living well, giving birth to children like a rabbit with the person he loved (no joke that’s exactly what he said in Korean, hence the look of disgust on Dan Ah’s face).

And when he asked Dan Ah about what she wanted as her happy ending, he also asked if they could share the same happy ending, claiming their love would last forever (ah, the pure innocence of first loves).

Dan Ah then argued that she even faked a coming out to her family specifically because she did not want to get married, so sharing the same happy ending with Young Hwa like what he imagined would totally be out of the question.

Exhibit 4

DanHwa official Before poster

I’m sure many of us didn’t see this poster before the drama started airing. To be completely honest, I was not anticipating for this drama to air. There I was, minding my own business, when I saw gifs and screencaps from this drama’s first 2 episodes suddenly showing up on my dash. And then I read the usual caption spam by @dangermousie for those episodes and those caption spam actually piqued my interest.

You could see a sense of giddiness in this poster, as if they were playing a game of cat and mouse with each other. For those of you who don’t read hangul, the lines highlighted in this poster read as below:

“Don’t keep crossing the line.”

“But you came to see me because I crossed the line.”

DanHwa official After poster

And on the day the finale aired, JTBC released this official After poster. In this poster, both of them were portrayed to be lost in their own thoughts, no longer giddy and teasing each other.

Again, for those of you who don’t read hangul, there was only one line highlighted in this poster which reads:

“Don’t get sick, my first love.”

Special shoutout to @its-chelisey-stuff for highlighting the differences in these two posters in a post of its own.

Exhibit 5

After everything was said and done, the two of them kept hanging out together and seeing each other. They even went as each other’s plus one to the premier of Yook Ji Woo’s movie, Killing Day. And it was a public setting where people could gossip about them going together too, so it was clear she was not bothered by the possibility of people gossiping about it.

So with these 5 exhibits, it was clear that the drama was intentionally sending us viewers mixed signals about the conclusion of the story of DanHwa. But what exactly should we take from this intention?

Now, let’s talk about Young Hwa. Our precious little crybaby goof ball. We’ve seen lots of movies (or Young Hwa (영화), geddit??) with happy endings. Some gave us sad endings, but those sad endings were not unrealistic.

Throughout the drama, we could see the growth of both Dan Ah and Young Hwa since they first met each other.

In the beginning, Young Hwa told Dan Ah that he was too busy with what was in front of him (life of a college student coming from a small town in the rural area) that he never got to have a dream. When he finally had one, i.e., to not break up with Dan Ah, he gave her the assurance that he would make that dream comes true. He even tried delaying their breakup as soon as he realised that she would be breaking up with him. Not breaking up with Dan Ah was Young Hwa’s first dream ever, but he eventually learnt how hard it was to chase his dream.

But going back to the episode description, why did Netflix say that both Young Hwa and Dan Ah achieved their own goals? I’ve argued earlier in this post how Dan Ah’s appointment as the youngest Vice President of Seomyung Group could fit in this narrative. Young Hwa’s goal to keep watching Dan Ah from a distance neither too far nor too close could arguably fit in this narrative too.

I know, I know, the irony of me spending so much time thinking and talking about the ending is clear to me. But to me, the whole story of DanHwa was cleverly concluded. If we go back to episode 7, Dan Ah expressed her regret that she let go of her dream to play professional soccer (I much prefer the word ‘football’ but Koreans use the word ‘soccer’ so I’m sticking to it for consistency purpose) so easily and that she was still looking forward to having chances to kick the ball every now and then.

Later on, Dan Ah disclosed to Young Hwa how desperate she was to make time for her to go running to him despite time being of utmost importance to her, and how she desperately wanted to grab onto the little time she managed to make to be with him.

We also saw how despite being so desperate, she had initially tried to resist her urges to just run to him. Because to her, she could not afford to be distracted from running towards her dream. But she eventually ran towards him and gave in to her feeling nonetheless, albeit timing herself so she wouldn’t forget about her dream altogether.

I personally believe that their relationship would keep on going the same way it had been going - them chasing after their own individual goals, them cooperating with each other to make sure their individual goals would be achieved, Young Hwa keeping Dan Ah deep inside his heart with more subtlety just like how his painting evolved from a big drawing of Dan Ah to the silhouette of Dan Ah hiding in his painting which was displayed in Seomyung Art Gallery, while Dan Ah grabbing onto what little opportunity she would have to spend her time with Young Hwa, even if it was only for a short, sweet moment.

They might live the rest of their lives together, or they might not. But what Run On managed to tell me is we should not be too obsessed with our endings which may or may not be far away from us. Instead, we should focus on what’s right in front of us.

Instead of obsessing over our dreams and happy endings which may demotivate us if we keep stumbling onto boulders while chasing our dreams and happy endings, we should focus on shorter-term goals. Because who knows what great opportunities and sweet moments are standing right in front of us, waiting to be grabbed, if only we allow ourselves to cherish them and in return, being cherished ourselves.

And that to me, is the biggest takeaway from the story of DanHwa.

#jtbc run on #run on #kdrama #kdrama opinion #long post #kang tae oh #sooyoung #well when I said this is going to be a long post I really meant it

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yakumtsaki · 5 years ago

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Well guys, it’s that time of year again. To recap, Jojo is still not a werewolf, Wyatt has shattered every record of incompetence and still not reached the top of his career, noogiesexual Shajar got dumped by Sophie Miguel and befriended a vampire, Cyneswith continues to date black-lipstick-broken-face-template flop Don Oates, Wulf grew up in the most iconic outfit of all time, and we got a new cat named Alcibiades for D’vorah to mate with since she refused to have kittens with poor Sweets. So let’s pick up right where we left off, which is of course the endless battle of getting D’vorah to procreate..

-Come on sweetie, we got a new boy toy just for you, get on with it, you’re almost an elder!

-NEVER! I’m a direct descendant of Zoroaster’s cat herself, I’ll never sully my bloodline with the genetic material of some pound mutt! You find me an appropriate mate before I go full Henry VIII!

STOP MIXING HISTORICAL REFERENCES AND FUCK ALCIBIADES ALREADY. His name undercuts my point but still.

-Do we have any custom blue fur paint for my balls?

ALCIBIADES SHUT UP. You assholes are by far the worst generation of pets yet, the two cat losers are bad enough but then add fucking Maxx to the mix-

-AND FORGET ABOUT IT. Look who’s getting along all of a sudden!

-Yes, now that it’s become clear that this cat legacy shitshow is crumbling, I’ve stopped beating up the cats because I will look like a bully kicking them while they’re down. It’s part of my image revamp to get the audience behind a dog legacy! 🐶

Maxx, nothing personal, but I hate you more than you can possibly imagine. Let’s check in with the humans, I’m sure they will be totally normal, likable and stable as always-

-I can see your beating heart with my x-ray vision. I want to eat it.

-Yay, let my sister eat your heart! 💗

-Stop patronizing me, you little bitch, I can get my own hearts to eat.

-I just get excited when we do things together! 💗

-GAWD GTFO CYNESWITH, you’re ruining my Aztec sacrifice!!!

-Ah, to be middle aged and in love, with your terrible children about to fuck off to college at any minute.. Looking at you, Wulf. Literally looking at you.

Somehow that is already enough checking in with the humans for one update?

-HAHA I GOT YOU! GIMME IT!! YOU DON’T EVEN NEED IT

-LEAVE MY HEART ALONE, SHAJAR, I KEEP TELLING YOU IT’S A VITAL ORGAN

-No it’s not, the paper that got my father kicked out of the mad scientist association said so!

They hated Jojo because he told them the truth.

These two are actually getting along great and I get my hopes up that Shajar will stop being a literal incel! Let’s all join together in prayer-

-Did someone say ‘prayer’?

GODDAMMIT SOPHIE YOU HAVEN’T SHOWED UP AT ALL AND YOU CHOOSE THIS MOMENT TO MAKE YOUR GHOST DEBUT?? FUCK OFF

-HAHA I was waiting for a situation where my appearance would hinder the biggest amount of sin!!!!

UGH you’ve gotten even more religious in death?!

-Of course I have, what do you think heaven does to your faith?

How the fuck are you both in heaven and wandering the earth as an apparition?

-My spirit takes earth vacations to cockblock!

Well at least you’re dying how you lived: pissing me off.

And of course Maxx goes in for the kill with his ‘good doggie’ routine, terminally distracting Blueshirt Whatshername from Shajar’s heart-eating charms. As always, big thanks to our pets, both alive and dead.

End of the road, Shajar! Enjoy this dancing scholarship that you hilariously earned during all the outings I forced you into to get rid of your incelitude.

As Shajar leaves for college a kissless noogiesexual, I decide to try and solve at least one of my problems, and that problem is called Don fucking Oates. So we call Lakshmi back, hoping she has forgiven me for our last tense interactions-

-I have not.

Wow ok well now you’re just being petty, you saddled me with Don Oates, don’t be a sour winner. Now is there anyone out there that can potentially beat Cyneswith and Don’s natural 3 bolts???

-Nop.

LAKSHMI COME ON, YOU’RE NOT LOOKING HARD ENOUGH

-I’m telling you, there isn’t anyone else, they’re a perfect match!

Well I refuse to accept that reality, so hit us with your best shot.

-Whatever, it’s your money.

I mean technically it’s Jojo’s and maybe I shouldn’t be spending it so freely..

-Daddy wouldn’t have a problem with it! 💗

Yea he sure wouldn’t, Cyn, since he’s literally this post.

IS THAT ANOTHER TRICOU LOVECHILD AND THE LAMEST ONE TO BOOT???

-Yup.

HARD PASS.

-Je suis back et je non get prόmόted agàin! :D

Another hugely successful day for Wyatt as usual. Honestly as long as you don’t get fired or demoted for a third time, whatever.

-Sό je can go to sleepé?? :D

Yea sure, it’s not like there’s anything for you to do around here now that the kids have grown up. Not that you ever did anything to begin with-

-Oui oui, all tres fascinàting, bonne nuit now!

Oh actually wait, I do need you to do something before you go to sleep for 16 hours.

-Quoi???

-Ohh, le pόrtait de le morté!

Le portrait de le morte indeed. Jojo is predictably super into his death portrait being painted, as one is. Seriously what are you doing.

-Composing a tragic opera about myself, what else.

On a casio??

-I could afford a concert piano but it wouldn’t fit into this pathetically tiny house you built, would it?

Ok I get where you’re coming from, but in my defense, given your youthful days, who the fuck could had anticipated you evolving into a financially successful and mentally stable adult instead of a bankrupt lunatic that eats his own feces?

-Oui, that’s what Shajàr est going to be! Huhu!

-HAHAHAHA oh Wyatt, you’re so attractive when you’re insulting our two terrible children. Where is that little goblin anyway?

Omfg you assholes, she went off to college yesterday.

-She did??? About time! One down, one to go. If only Cyneswith could stay here forever :(

-Oui :(

-________-

Speaking of, let’s try this one more time. Lakshmi please, for the love of god, give us something I can work with.

-Alright fine, you wore me down. Ask..

-..and you shall receive.

OMG YAS RICKY CORMIER, I LOVE HIM AND HIS FACE TEMPLATE. What the fuck are you wearing, Rick? Don’t dress up on our account.

-I was teleported here right from work, where the fuck am I???

That’s a great question Rick, you’re in our front yard on a date with our resident 10 nice points freakshow, Cyneswith. And I see that you have 7 nice points to Don’s 4, so you crazy kids just go ahead and hit it right off now!

-Not if I have anything to do with it!

VICTOR NOW IS NOT THE TIME FOR GHOST BINGO, FUCK OFF

-It’s always the time for ghost bingo.

I try my best to make this date go well but Ricky isn’t into Cyneswith AT ALL. It’s honestly pretty offensive and I hate him now.

‘I’ve had better dates’, you’re like 15, Casanova, calm down. What a twerp.

With that last doomed attempt to break her and Don up, the time has come for Cyneswith to fuck off to college as well, and yes, Don is coming with us to be endlessly cheated on by Miss 20 Simultaneous Lovers/Grey Hair turn on. Fuck both mine and Don’s lives.

As if my failure to perform a Donectomy wasn’t bad enough, what does Wyatt get the day he’s finally guaranteed to be promoted, BUT ANOTHER FUCKING CHANCE CARD, WITH WHICH HE HAS A 2 OUT OF 2 FLOPPING SCORE. One of them got him demoted, the other got him fired, it took us forever to get him the 9 fucking friends he needed, so this is just terrific. Istg I could go to a police academy in real life, graduate, join the force, rise up through the ranks and become a superhero in less time than it has taken Wyatt to do it. Here goes nothing but Wyatt’s hopes and dreams..

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FINALLY

F I N A L L Y.

OMFG.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS SHIT WAS LEGIT HARDER THAN KOMEI’S 6 PETS CAREER ONE, FUCKING HELL WYATT.

What a sight for sore eyes. 2 days before elderhood, but we did it, mon bebe! I’m so proud of us, but mainly me, for not giving up and making you a househusband which I know realize I should had done, because you’re so gonna destroy this city.

-Je will savé la city! First ordér of enterprisé, àpprehending le killér seriàl knόwn as Dr. Gingér Violetté! ⭐

Oh boy. Good luck with that!

#gen 2 #ts2

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hottestthingalive · 5 years ago

Text

Bluebells (1)

Chapter 1: Seeds

AO3 Link here.

Chapter 2 here, finally!

Notes: So, to those of you who saw this post about my WIPs which mentioned this having background Roceit and Intruality in later chapters of this story?

...I accidentally became way too invested in the idea of Virgil making fun of Patton’s new boyfriend being called Prince. So you get that now.

The name of the chapters comes from an interesting fact I learned about bluebell flowers while researching this story: they take at least five years to grow from a seed into a bulb, which they have to be before they flower. The first chapter takes place six or seven years before the events of the main story, so I found it very appropriate. This story should only be three or four chapters long, but who knows -- I have lots of ideas for these boys.

Plot: Logan encounters a strange boy in the woods. His name is Anxiety, and he's hiding in the flowers.

Relationships: budding romance analogical, hinted dukeceit, royality in later chapters, remile in later chapters, platonic DRLAMP

Tw: Cursing, faeries, mention of death, mention of kidnapping, dead parents. (If I missed anything, let me know!)

---

He didn’t understand, and it bothered him to no end.

Logan first saw the human in May, when the sun stayed long and the moon appeared less. The flowers had started to bloom, the trees green and vibrant, with alternating days of hot sun or torrents of rain.

The faerie quite liked May. He preferred winter, of course, being Unseelie, but some nights in the spring he could look up at the sky and see every single star, and stars fascinated him to no end. Besides, there was no one telling him to do his job in the warm months (for there was no snow or cold, blustery winds in the time of the Seelie), and without the pestering to summon winter he could be alone. Logan enjoyed his solitude.

That is, he had, until the human child had stumbled into a flowered field in the small section of the forest the Unseelie had managed to mark off for himself.

The boy (or at least Logan guessed he was a boy; he had never been good with human age or gender. Fey just were, and though Logan had known he was male early on, many didn’t care about such things. It was such a human concept, after all) was carrying a black book in one hand, a knapsack slung over one shoulder. He sat down in the field, and suddenly he was gone, hidden in the bluebells.

The fey squinted, trying to see the strange mortal in the flowers, but the boy had achieved almost perfect camouflage.

Logan had never seen him before, not in the forest. Humans rarely dared tread in the woods, for fear of its elven inhabitants. This one was an anomaly, and it was positively fascinating. Especially one so young -- he appeared to be less than Logan’s own age, making him maybe seven or eight.

This went on for some time. The strange male would appear in the field, plop down among the bluebells, and stay there for some time, while Logan watched from the branches of the trees. When he finally left, Logan would check the place where he sat, searching for a sign as to how this mortal could hide so thoroughly.

It was on the seventh appearance of the sun that he found something strange: a piece of white parchment, with a sketch of the forest. The detail was quite good for the hand of a child, Logan had to admit, but it wasn’t the quality of the drawing that bothered him. It was the face in one of the trees, undoubtedly his own, with a line of scribbled human glyphs scrawled beside it. They took but a second to translate.

Just come say hi.

How had the mortal seen him? It was undoubtedly dangerous, Logan’s instincts told him. Best to abandon the area, warn his court, and allow the Seelie to deal with the small human intruding in the fey woods. Nevermind that the spring and summer fey were notoriously thoughtless, and might kidnap the child. Nevermind that they would likely forget that humans did not live as long as fey, despite (in their early years, at least) growing at the same rate. Nevermind that, eventually, after often forgetting to provide food or care for their pet human, they would throw him out for aging, or keep him till he died.

No, Logan was to disregard all of that.

The next day, Logan found himself creeping through the field, inching his way towards the bluebell patch. The faerie found his pride in his magic: he was quite good at it, and so he expertly used the flora to mask his presence. There was no possible way he could be noticed.

“Hi,” the boy said, looking up and straight into Logan’s eyes. The human’s own irises were green, a deeper green than he would normally expect from a mortal, the color of grass and oak leaves. “Finally! I thought you would never talk to me.”

Well. That wasn’t right.

“How did you spot me?” he demanded, dumbfounded. He found himself adjusting his black shirt subconsciously, in a state of mild shock.

“It’s a secret,” the child grinned. “What’s your name?”

How rude, Logan thought.

I shall never speak to him again, the rational part of his brain decided. He probably has magic, and is a danger to me and all others of my kind.

But he’s fascinating, said the uncontrollable, irrational, annoying part of his brain that was always championing silly matters like friendship and personal interests over actually doing his duty, which would logically be to report this at once. And I do occasionally get lonely…

“You may call me Logic,” he heard, realizing a second late that the words had come from his own mouth. “Which is an alias, of course, but it is the only name you shall get.” Logan had gone by the name for years, choosing it just as every other child did, in this world where true names had power.

“I figured,” the mortal smiled, with his green eyes crinkled and the absence of one of his front teeth distinct. “I’m Anxiety.”

“Why choose ‘Anxiety’?” Logan asks, years later. He receives that same smile, although the adult tooth has long since grown in.

“Why’d you choose Logic?” the male in front of him asks in turn, and Logan responds by blinking.

“I don’t believe I know,” he replies.

“Exactly,” his compatriot shrugs. “It just felt right.”

“Are you a witch?” he queried weeks later, sitting cross-legged besides Anxiety and holding a book in his hands.

“A witch?” Anxiety repeated, looking up from his sketchbook.

“Bluebells are sometimes called harebells, especially in Scotland,” he said, “because witches are supposed to turn into rabbits to hide in the flowers. It is almost impossible to spot you without knowing if you are here; maybe you’re a witch.”

“Last I checked, I can’t turn into a rabbit,” the boy laughed. “Maybe I summoned you, though, by ringing the bluebells.”

“They are not literal bells, Anxiety.”

“My dad used to tell me that if you rang bluebells, faeries would come,” he shrugged. “But if a human hears a bluebell ring, that means someone dear to them will die.”

“You humans have such morbid myths,” he told his mortal companion, looking at the flowers. “A bluebell cannot make a sound, anyways, so if one hears something it would be purely coincidental.”

“It’s fun to think about though,” said the human beside him, and Logan looked over at Anxiety, who was sprawled on the grass, staring at the clouds in the blue sky. “Hey, that one looks like a cat eating pasta out of a bucket.”

He looked at the cloud in question, and had to admit it did appear so, as odd the image was. “Why do you humans engage in these flights of fantasy?” Logan asked, despite himself.

“Coping mechanism, probably,” he replied, with the air of a child that, despite their age, knows enough about the world to call themself Anxiety. “Don’t you?”

“The Seelie, perhaps,” Logan sniffed, “but my court is far more realistic in our views than those sparkly fools.”

“Fair enough,” laughed the mortal.

Logan soon found himself spending the spring and summer with the boy called Anxiety, sitting in the field. Anxiety brought him books written by humans when Logan got bored of fey texts, and in turn, the faerie deigned to ‘show off’ a bit, demonstrating his magic one day by summoning shadows and a storm. He couldn’t deny the fact that he had been quite happy to see Anxiety wasn’t scared at all, instead laughing as the rain fell around them and Logan scrambled to save their things because “We must save the books, Anxiety!” Once everything was stashed in a hollow tree, however, he managed to get a good look at the boy he had started to think of as a friend, and a laugh was shocked out of him. Anxiety’s bangs were plastered to his face, covering his eyes.

“You look as though a mop has adhered itself to your skull,” Logan informed him, unable to hide his smile.

“What’s that weird thing you’re doing with your face? Are you okay?” Anxiety asked, sarcasm negated by his own grin. Logan rolled his eyes. He knew he did not smile often, but still -- those levels of cheek were unwarranted.

He learned Anxiety was ten, older than he would have guessed, and only a month younger than Logan himself. That he loved poetry and sewing and art but didn’t think he was really good at any of them, and would be mocked for these interests. That his parents had died when he was quite young, and he now lived with his elderly grandmother, who let him run off anywhere as long as he was in his bed the next morning. She had homeschooled him for his early years, and would only send him to an official establishment next fall, which told Logan why Anxiety wasn’t with his fellow human children in their brick school during the spring. It also explained why he’d been allowed to enter the fey woods at all, what with the healthy fear the locals had developed of the place.

In turn, ‘Logic’ had revealed his love for the stars, (which led to Anxiety sneaking out one night to stargaze with him in the bluebell field), how he’d kept a lizard as a pet one summer, but released it at the end because a cold-blooded creature likely wouldn’t survive the winter months, and how he reported directly to the Unseelie ruler, because all fey had a job, young or old. “It’s just the way it is,” he explained. “I have responsibilities to my court, as do all fey children.”

“Bit like child labour, though,” Anxiety pointed out.

“For humans, maybe,” he conceded, “but we mentally develop much faster.”

“But you live longer, so shouldn’t you get to embrace your childhood before your infinite adulthood?” reasoned the other, watching the ladybug that was clinging to his sleeve.

“Not infinite,” Logan replied, and Anxiety raised his head in interest. “We live a very long time, to be sure, but all fey die eventually. When we run out of magic, we age and perish.”

His friend considered that -- and Logan considered the human boy his friend, now. That notion had snuck up on him, it seemed, surreptitiously changing his label of ‘acquaintance’ to one of friendship.

He didn’t really mind.

Fall came in colored leaves and bursts of chilly wind, of flowers wilting and apples ripening in the trees. Logan attended the passing of the seasons, or the transfer of control, from the Seelie Court to that of the Unseelie at the equinox. It was in the deepest part of the forest, the part that joined the realm of the fey to the human world.

Logan wasn’t entirely happy about their regained dominion. He should have been, he knew: logic dictated it! With winter, his powers increased, and he gained structure and work he loved. Why would he not be glad?

Well, remarked the treacherous little voice in his head, we can’t spend time with Anxiety in the winter, now can we?

It was true, he mused as the crown of the fey on the podium shed its vibrant flowers and its green leaves turned red, orange, yellow, and brown. He’d be very busy, for one. Talyn, leader of the Unseelie, had promised him greater responsibility this year. And besides…

The woods were dangerous enough when the Seelie ruled. But Logan’s court had a tendency to be vicious, and they did not attempt to hide their darkness like their flowery counterparts.

Were Anxiety to be discovered in faerie woods in winter…

He didn’t want to think about it.

“Logic!” called a familiar voice, and he turned to see two identical faces waving to him.

“Prince, Duke,” he nodded. “I trust you are well?”

“Oh, Lolo, don’t be so formal with us,” Prince grinned, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. “We’re friends, after all!”

“Or are we making you nervous?” smirked Duke. “No, something else is! You’ve got a secret, don’tcha?”

Logan’s lips thinned. He’d forgotten how alarmingly perceptive the Unseelie half of the brothers could be.

Prince and Duke were oddities among the fey, the children of parents from both courts. Prince was Seelie, Duke Unseelie, but they had remained close even when the courts did their best to seperate them. Now, they had achieved a sort of notoriety. Joan, leader of the Seelie court, was said to be molding Prince for his own role, and Talyn had already offered for the Duke to study under them. He had rejected the offer, saying that he didn’t want the vulnerability of fey leadership, and a faerie called Deceit had been selected instead.

Secretly, Logan suspected Duke’s reservations had less to do with every faerie in both courts knowing his true name (which was a requirement for Talyn and Joan, just as it had been for all fey leaders before them) and more to do with the restrictions being trained by Talyn would put on him. He loved his chaos, after all.

“I don’t see what my personal affairs have to do with you,” he said, rather coldly. “No offense meant, of course.”

“Oh, Logic, you break our hearts!” Prince cried dramatically, clutching his chest. “How could you say such things to your bestest and oldest friends?”

“Advice’s by far the best of my friends.”

“Oldest friends!” Duke countered.

“I have known Deceit for far longer than either of you.”

Duke colored at the name (could he be any more obvious with his little crush?) and Prince exclaimed, “Friends!”

“...Dubious,” Logan said, turning back towards the proceedings.

“C’mon, Logie, we both know you’re bored out of your mind having to watch this mind-numbing shit,” Duke told him, grinning. He was missing three teeth. Fey aren’t supposed to lose teeth, the tiny part of his mind that hadn’t given up yet pointed out. “Let’s leave, and then you can tell us all about your little secret.”

“I will not be telling you anything,” he sighed.

But he ought to. He knew that. It was why he had been avoiding Advice lately, who had gotten a little too good at reading people after beginning his job as a healer. It was why after the meeting Logan threw himself into his work, so as not to cause any issues, any reasons for his court to keep an eye on him. It was why he began following Anxiety when the human boy left the forest each day, making sure he couldn’t be taken on his way home.

Winter came and Logan began to change, as the power of his people’s season grew within him. His features, already pronounced, became sharper, hair longer (more wild, Anxiety said, as he attempted to braid the dark locks), ears, nails, and teeth more pointed. He changed his clothes for winter, of course, wearing a night-blue cloak lined with rabbit fur over his usual dark attire, and grudgingly trading bare feet for boots. Anxiety laughed at him a fair bit, for that (“What’s your problem with shoes?” he had cackled, as Logan sulked besides him) but after he had to switch his sweatshirts for a heavy black parka, the human joined the fey in petulant anger.

One day, Anxiety asked why fey changed appearances in the winter, gingerly examining Logan’s sharp nails, which bore an uncanny resemblance to claws. Logan replied that they didn’t -- they changed for summer, or Unseelie did at least. His winter form was his true one; the one the human had first encountered was a disguise of sorts, a way to blend in among the Seelie, a defensive relic from when the two breeds of faerie were at war.

He was afraid, then, looking at Anxiety, that he would flee. Unseelie were always the evil fey in human stories, not the playful tricksters but the monsters in the dark, and this human seemed to know every story, reciting them from memory to Logan as they lay in the field, watching clouds in the sky.

But Anxiety simply hummed quietly, looking up into Logan’s eyes. “Those don’t change,” he said, motioning to them. “Must be pretty easy for the Seelie to recognize, huh?”

“Why would my eyes be easy to recognize?” he asked, blinking.

“They’re beautiful,” the human shrugged, far too casual, and returned to his study of Logan’s nails. “Hey, maybe I could paint your nails. My friend Morality’s been teaching me how.”

(And if the tips of the faerie’s pointed ears turned red, his cheeks dusted with a similar colour, Anxiety was kind enough not to mention it.)

He knew it was dangerous, still meeting the human, but Logan still found himself entering the clearing each day, even though the bluebells had all wilted by August and the other flowers followed quickly, even as the grass turned brown. Sometimes, Logan told himself that it was because he wanted to learn from Anxiety, or because he wanted to interact with someone his age, or because he was simply ingrained in his habits. Always a new excuse. Nevermind that the information the human could teach him was nothing compared to his own vast reservoirs of knowledge, that Deceit, Prince, Advice and Duke were all his own age, and two were even of Logan’s court, that he was a faerie, and the fey did not do routines, as creatures of the wild.

The truth was, he found a certain amount of joy in meeting with someone who seemed to understand Logan’s reluctance to conform to the standards of his court, who was kind and laughed easily and shared stories and secrets and songs without any cost. The truth was that he was just a bit selfish.

Logan’s selfishness would come back to bite him.

It was fall on the cusp of winter when it happened, a crisp afternoon in early November, and a Wednesday. This meant that Anxiety could only come later in the day, and carted along a backpack holding papers and books and math. As far as Logan could tell, math was a game with numbers with many nuanced rules, that he rather liked and Anxiety hated.

To make sure that the human managed to reach the clearing safely, Logan had begun to meet him on the path that was Anxiety’s way through the forest, using his magic to mask the two of them from the Unseelie patrolling the woods. Anxiety found it funny (he didn’t seem to quite understand the true danger the forest posed him) but a bit irritating, so Logan grudgingly met him halfway down the path instead of at the line of trees that seperated the forest and the town.

So he sat in the woods, that Wednesday, high up in the branches, and waited, lost in thought. It had been several months since they’d met in the beginning of May, spending time together almost every day. He had expected the human to have run away in fear by now, to have stopped coming into the forest, to have been scared off by the magic or the changing of shapes or simply by the power Logan held. But the aptly named Anxiety (he was scared of so many things, of sharks and snakes and clowns and drowning and dying and blood) wasn’t afraid of Logan at all, it seemed.

It was nice, not being feared -- even among his own people, he was treated with a healthy amount of caution. Faeries did not trust. They found security in favors, in debts, and even family, like Prince and Duke, eyed each other with suspicion. But the human boy believed so easily, never asking for a favor or a name, giving and never asking for anything in return. It did not match with what Logan knew, of humans or of fey.

...Anxiety was late.

He held out for two minutes longer, before he finally stood and darted through the branches, feet finding footholds that should not have held them, moving through the air and ignoring the fact that occasionally he never touched the branches at all. Such was being a faerie.

Later, he would think back on the moment and thank the forest he had been so lucky. If he had waited a minute longer, had decided to run along the ground instead of in the trees, if he had listened to Anxiety when he rolled his eyes the day before and said “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me,” when Logan had told him to be careful…

Logan found his human (sometime in the past months, the human boy had become his. When, he didn’t know, but it had happened so easily, Anxiety sliding into his life with his drawings and poetry and laughter and settling in like he had always belonged. If he believed in things like that, Logan would think it was fate.) standing frozen in the dirt path, eyes glazed and unfocused, books spread around him and backpack lying in the dirt. Unseelie had swarmed him, two of them examining the human in their midst as one -- Deceit, Logan realized in shock -- worked his magic to keep him in a docile trance.

“Why did he come here?” another faerie asked, one Logan vaguely recognized. From his recollection, he was named Raven. The third he had never met, and seemed a fair bit older than the other two and Logan himself -- Deceit, Raven, and Logan were all young fey, Raven the oldest at maybe fourteen and Deceit almost the same age as Logan himself. This faerie, however, despite appearing to be in their early twenties, had an air of age, and he would guess the mystery individual to be in their hundreds.

“It doesn’t matter,” the older Unseelie smiled, a grin appearing on their face. “It’s just a human boy. Kill it or take it.”

“He -- He’s our age, Lady Belladonna,” protested Deceit, his brow furrowing. “A child. Shouldn’t we just send him away?”

“Oh, not he,” the apparently female faerie snarled, reaching out to grip Anxiety’s blank face in dark nails. “Humans… humans are beasts. And they call us creatures of the dark! It has no more rights than an animal, age or not. Maturity has never affected the ways of the fey.”

“But Lady--” Raven protested, looking as disturbed as Deceit, but he never got the chance to finish his sentence. Logan had heard enough.

Lady Belladonna, whoever she was, had been correct. Maturity had very little to do with fey; age meant time, and a faerie scorned time, even physically. So Logan, young as he was at barely eleven winters (Logan had turned eleven just a few days ago -- Anxiety had given him some of the mechanical pencils he had liked, as well as a decorated case. He had said it was a ‘birthday gift’.), had power, power enough to reach out to the minds of the three fey and push them into sleep.

He’d always been good at manipulating the brain -- better than even Deceit or Advice.

The three Unseelie crumpled to the ground, eyes shutting even as they tried to resist, pushing back against his influence. The clearing soon quieted, silent but for the sound of quiet breathing and the wind in the trees.

Logan knew he had succeeded when Anxiety blinked and the haze over his eyes disappeared, Deceit’s control gone. The human gasped, stumbling backwards, and at that moment Logan finally emerged from the branches to pick up the backpack and the books, nodding in greeting.

“Logic?” Anxiety asked, sounding small, staring at the fey slumped around him. “What -- what happened? Are they…”

“Merely sleeping,” he replied, motioning to the rise and fall of Raven’s chest. “They will be alright.” His face hardens. “They deserved worse. What do you remember?”

“All of it, I think. They surprised me, and that one that looks like a snake did something -- I couldn’t move, I couldn’t talk, I couldn’t scream.” He hesitated, staring at the female faerie. “She wanted to kill me?”

“Or take you to our realm,” Logan said, straightening, Anxiety’s backpack in one hand and his books in the other. “Here. I need to make sure they don’t remember this encounter.”

The human took his belongings, watching as Logan crouched by the sleeping fey, touching his fingers to their temples. It took only a few seconds to alter their memories, to make them believe their enchanted sleep to be the result of a backfired spell by the Lady. (He takes special pleasure in placing the blame on her.)

He altered first the memories of Raven, then Belladonna, and then he reached for Deceit.

A yellow-gloved hand reached up to grasp Logan’s wrist.

“Logic!” Anxiety exclaimed, a fearful squeak, rushing forwards, but Deceit spoke before he could aid him.

“Thank you,” the young Unseelie whispered, eyes forcing themselves open.

“What?” Logan asked, unable to keep the shock from his voice. Deceit was one of the few faeries that could lie without repercussions, but the thanks seemed genuine. Whether he had become far better at lying than Logan had thought, or…

“She would have murdered him,” Deceit laughed, a harsh sound. “Probably would have made me do it, a test for Talyn’s protégé. I definitely would have been able to casually murder a kid my age.” Sarcasm practically dripped from his words, before his tone softened. “So, thank you, Logic.”

“You released Anxiety from the spell, didn’t you?” he realized, blinking down at the barely-conscious faerie. “You’re going to get yourself killed, Deceit.”

“Wipe my memories,” he shrugged. “I’ll be fine. But be careful, okay? Belladonna isn’t alone in her views. There’s fey from both courts that are now advocating for violence against humans. Your boyfriend will need to be cautious.”

“He’s not my -- we aren’t -- we are far too young to be courting!” Logan protested, knowing full well his face was as bright as a rose, ears burning. Anxiety was in much the same state, although Deceit simply rolled his eyes.

“Of course you are,” the faerie sighed. “Just… keep an eye out, Logic. This forest has gotten dangerous, as of late.”

His eyes fluttered shut. A few seconds later, his breathing evened. Logan was rather impressed -- Deceit’d held out against the spell for far longer than he would have expected anyone to be able to. Luckily, the strange resistance didn’t carry over when he moved to alter his memories, and soon he stood to face Anxiety.

“It… It would be understandable if you decided to terminate our friendship,” he finally muttered, unable to meet the human’s green eyes. “You have now seen the truth of my people. We are vicious, and killers, and-”

“And you rescued me,” said Anxiety, voice startlingly calm. “And that other faerie -- Deceit, right? -- he didn’t want to hurt me either. I don’t think you’re vicious, or a killer.”

“Anxiety, you’ll be in danger if you continue visiting me. You could lose your life!” Logan exclaimed, motioning to the fallen faeries around him for emphasis, because the stupid human didn’t understand, didn’t get that he might die or worse!

“That was always going to be true, dummy. We’re in a faerie forest. I’m a human,” Anxiety deadpanned. “C’mon.”

They walked through the woods to the clearing in silence, Logan working his magic to render them invisible to prying eyes, Anxiety staring at the dirt under his sneakers. The forest was still, for once.

The two arrived in their typical spot, standing near where they knew the bluebells would grow again in spring, hearing dead grass crinkle underneath their feet. The human set down his belongings, and hesitated, suddenly still.

“Are you alright?” Logan asked, glancing over. Anxiety was staring at the ground again, arms wrapped around himself in a sort of makeshift hug, bangs covering his eyes.

“I… You saved my life, Logic,” the other said, voice choked, and there were glistening tears streaming down his pale cheeks. “I would have died.”

Logan had never been good at feelings. He’d be the first to admit so -- they were Prince or Advice’s department. Still, he found himself moving forwards, pulling Anxiety into a hug, ignoring the tears wetting his cloak as he did his best to replicate what he’d seen Advice do for distressed fey.

“I don’t want to die,” he heard, whispered into his shoulder. “I don’t want to die, L.”

“I won’t let you,” promised Logan, and heard from his own mouth, before he could even think about saying it, “I’ll protect your life with mine, if it comes to that.”

Anxiety let out a laugh at that, his grip tightening. “Well, that’s not very fair. You’re not allowed to die either, okay? I’ll protect you too.”

Logan had a response on the tip of his tongue (“You’re a human, how would you preserve my lifespan in any way?”) but a searing pain through his left eye interrupted him, and nothing more than a gasp of agony escaped the faerie. They seperated, Anxiety clutching the right side of his face.

The feeling disappeared as quickly as it had manifested, and Logan immediately looked up, searching for their attacker, and instead found the human’s previously green eyes.

The right one was a bright, shining purple.

Anxiety’s mouth was open wide. “Logic, your eye--” he began, before reaching into his bag and fumbling for his communicator square. (Phone, he called it. Logan did not quite understand, but avoided touching it anyways -- it appeared to be made of metal, and he would not risk contact with iron.) He turned it on, before switching to a screen that reflected both of their faces.

Logan had only ever looked at his reflection to ensure his presentability. He knew his eyes were different from those of humans, of course; Anxiety’s had circles of green around a black center, set on a white background, but Logan did not have those divisions. Color spread across the whole surface, lacking in whites, pupil, and iris. “Your eyes look like the night sky,” Anxiety had told him once, and he supposed the human was correct -- normally, they were a dark purplish blue color, with pinpricks of pale light across the surface. Still, he hadn’t understood why Anxiety had seemed so fascinated. (“Is it accurate?” the human had questioned. “Is the placement of the stars right?” Logan had eventually flushed red as the other tried to find constellations in his eyes, Anxiety had noticed and retreated, and that had been the end of that. He’d never brought it up again.)

But now his left eye was crossed with a pattern of greenish blue, like the aurora borealis in the Unseelie realm that his parents had taken him to see when he was very small, vibrant against the indigo background.

“What happened?” Anxiety asked, staring at himself on the screen of the phone, reaching up as if to touch the purple ring, ensuring it was truly there. “How -- why -- what happened?”

“I don’t know,” Logan said slowly, staring at his newly heterochromatic eyes.

Perhaps this is the price of befriending and saving a human, he thought to himself, meeting Anxiety’s panicked eyes with his own. Perhaps it is a curse, or a punishment from the gods. A physical marking of my shame, of forgetting to take a name, a favor, a price, as is my nature.

“It’s okay,” Anxiety said, reaching out to take Logan’s hand and squeezing it gently. “It’s okay, L. We’ll figure it out. Besides, it looks cool as heck, right?”

“...That it does,” he nodded after a beat, returning the gesture, a wan smile stretching his lips despite the situation.

“Let’s… Let’s not worry about it for now,” suggested the human. “We’ve got better things to do, right?”

“Definitely. We had best get started on that math homework.”

Anxiety let out a laugh at that. “Ew. How about we just cloudwatch for now?”

They sat in the empty field, where their flowers would grow again come spring, and watched white fluff form in the blue sky through mismatched eyes. He glanced over at Anxiety, who smiled and reached out with his hand. The faerie took it.

If this new coloring is a curse, it’s worth it, decided Logan, flashing a smile at his boy of the bluebells before returning his gaze to the sky.

At first, the change took getting used to. Fey whispered Logan had made a deal with the forest, had become vain and done it cosmetically, had been cursed. Humans said much the same about Anxiety. As time passed, however, and the colors didn’t change, those inside and outside the forest learned to accept the change. No one questioned it anymore, and eventually the two learned to forget the day in the clearing, to pass it off as a spell gone wrong in Logan’s case and an eye injury in Anxiety’s.

Neither of them found an explanation for it either, but it soon became apparent they didn’t need to. They had each other.

That was what mattered.

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fandomn00blr · 5 years ago

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5 Questions for Writers

@serial-chillr tagged me and I’d rather talk about writing than actually do it today, so here! Lots of words about words!

Tagging some folks who I know also enjoy talking about their writing: @funkypoacher, @sarenkascrawls, @paraparadigm, @eranehn, @curiousartemis, @theaiobhan, @houseofaustrich, @dafan7711, @lostinfantasies38, @whatsherfacewrites (you all can feel free to ignore me, of course!)

And if anyone else wants to take any or all of these questions, as always, feel free, and tag me so I can read and appreciate your responses!

1. Do you have a favorite character to write? Who and why?

Oh. I don’t know if I can answer this. Can I just change the question to suit my needs? My favorite thing to think about when I write characters is “What is their sense of humor like? Is it a coping mechanism/defensive? A way to connect with others?”

I’ll focus on DA2 characters because they are my favs. I like writing wise-cracking little shits who occasionally have FEELINGS (so my Hawke and Anders, who actually always has feelings, and Varric and Isabela and...okay, so I write most of my DA2 characters like this to varying degrees). I also like writing the more stoic types with their deadpan zingers (*cough* Fenris...a little bit of Aveline, too, in this one when I get around to writing her). And the very sincere types, too, who would never crack jokes at another’s expense, but are just overall wonderfully warm, with, like, a sneaky sense of humor (Merrill...<333! And Bethany!).

2. Do you have a favorite trope to write? Or one you want to write?

Found families, definitely, hands down, no contest. Give me a group of people who care about each other and have been Through Shit together and I will write you so much banter and hugs and Looking Out for One Another and love and trying to heal together. I will even write them a few years down the road, getting old, and still hanging out, and laughing about the ridiculous things they’ve done together over the years. Maybe taking care of each other’s children or pets. Or mourning together as they begin to age and lose their memories, or each other. And...oh, fuck. :(

3. Share your favorite description you’ve written?

I’m the worrrrrsssstttt when it comes to descriptions. I usually don’t even try with places or settings. But I guess, people have bodies, so I have to describe them sometimes. Like, “His hair looked pretty. Her hands were there. No. There. Yes, right there...”

Here’s an attempt at describing my Amell’s first impression of her future wife in Fifth Blight:

Solona’s first tavern. And first brawl, with other humans, anyway. It was hard to separate out how much of the exhilaration she was feeling right now had come from the freedom to actually test her skills in combat, all the new experiences of life outside the Circle culminating in this, or was it the instant attraction she felt for the “lay sister,” as she referred to herself?

Solona couldn’t resolve the contradictions of this woman…her Chantry robes covered in blood, none of it hers, sprayed from the slicing of her own dagger in quick defense during a tavern brawl.

A pretty face, to be sure, pure and innocent, but then there were those perfectly pouty lips. Everything so well-composed at first glance – the kind of woman Solona had always been suspicious of in the Circle – until she spoke…with an underlying ferocity burning beneath that charming accent and the discerning glare of experience set in the creases that revealed themselves between her eyes.

Leliana is what she'd said her name was, in that false sing-songey voice of hers. A bard's voice. But Solona wasn't sure if that was the name she'd given her sweet Orlesian facade, or if she didn't have some other deeper, darker name. Desire, perhaps, given the way she immediately captivated her imagination and made her want to know what was beneath those robes...both figuratively and literally. Mouse had been Pride, after all. And while Solona was pretty sure she wasn’t in the Fade, why couldn’t this woman also be something more than she seemed?

4. Share your favorite dialogue you’ve written?

I write SO MUCH DIALOGUE...some of it is bound to be halfway-decent, right? I mean, statistically-speaking...lol.

Here’s an older thing I’m a little bit proud of from my Prologue to Lost and Found (yes, I’m aware Justice and Anders don’t ‘talk’ like this in canon...and I don’t care...I like to write them as a bickering couple):

“Hey Anders!” Hawke called to him, loud enough for Fenris to hear. “We haven’t heard about what’s-their-name for a few days. Everything alright?”

“Who?”

“Your new ‘friend’...” Fenris grumbled up ahead. Hawke lit up. He was listening! They were very nearly having an actual conversation!

“Oh, I think they’re more than friends!” Hawke nudged Anders with her bony elbow right in the ribs. It wasn’t the gentlest of affection, but he’d take it. From her.

Fenris sighed and rolled his eyes at Hawke, who barely noticed. For as witty as she thought she was, she could be particularly slow to pick up on his own attempts at humor, dry and sarcastic as they were. Especially when she was distracted by something more sparkly or animated. Or someone. Namely, the mage.

“I honestly don't know what either of you are talking about,” Anders insisted.

“Oh please...you talk about them all the time, right Fenris?”

“Clemence, was it?”

“Yeah! That’s it! You’re always like, ‘Clemence looked so cute today. Clemence came for another visit. I made Clemence dinner last night. I hope Clemence will stay longer next time. Clemence Clemence Clemence!’”

Anders looked at both of them in disbelief for a moment. They were kidding, right? Hawke was, of course, constantly teasing him about all his supposed admirers. But she was usually way more obvious about it. And Fenris...he wasn’t sure Fenris even had a sense of humor. They must have thought -- he suddenly burst out into laughter.

“The Abomination is losing it. Say the word, Hawke, and I will take care of him,” Fenris muttered.

Anders felt Justice stirring.

He’s kidding, Justice. Relax.

“You think that Clemence is a -- “ Anders couldn’t contain his delight as a second fit of laughter overtook him.

Hawke looked at Fenris. Did he know what was so hilarious? He simply shrugged back at her and kept walking. He always seemed so irritated and impatient with the mage. She had really hoped this casual conversation between the three of them might have lasted more than a few minutes, but it seemed Fenris had already lost interest.

YOU CANNOT ALLOW THIS MISUNDERSTANDING TO CONTINUE. IT ISN’T RIGHT. AND SURELY A FELINE IS NOT A SUITABLE PARTNER FOR A HUMAN, ANYWAY. HOW WOULD YOU KNOW IF IT HAD GIVEN PROPER CONSENT?

Cats are actually pretty clear when it comes to giving consent, or taking it away. But that’s hardly the most pressing issue in this entirely ridiculous hypothetical situation you’ve suggested…

WHY DO YOU FIND THIS SO AMUSING?

It’s just that...oh, nevermind.

“Oh wow! Okay! Sorry…” He took a deep breath. “Clemence is a cat! A stray I’ve been feeding and trying to convince to hang around the clinic to keep the mice and rats at bay!”

5. Scene you haven’t written, but want to?

I’ve written it, but I haven’t published it yet. Shortly after giving birth to my own daughter, I wrote a birth scene for my Hawke that, in my series, is still a few chapters away. It’s...graphic, I guess? But very real and, in my opinion, kinda beautiful? Complicated? Joyful! Except when it’s terrifying. Someday I will look back over it and maybe even share it (with anyone who WANTS to read such a thing)!

#about me #my writing #dragon age #5 questions for writers #tag!

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sanguinarius-archive · 5 years ago

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im not that familiar with treatsforbeats i watched like. a few videos but other than that i know nothing! but i would be glad to hear you info dump!

there is SO MUCH..... im gonna put a read more below because this turned out to be way longer than i expected. but you asked for me to infodump so here goes

okay so. treatsforbeasts, i dont know what the whole meaning behind the channel is. i cant specifically say what the goal of the channel’s content is because its all in my interpretation. but i do know that there are meanings behind each video as silly as it may seem and im just gonna list them off here (note that not all videos will be included since i may not be able to interpret every one, also this is going from earliest to most recent)

1. men with small hands carry very little treats to give to little girls with the sharpest little teethinterpretation of this video is csa/child sex trafficking. “little treats” refers to pills or some form of drug (small, makes u trip). however the “sharpest little teeth” could represent the little girl fighting back.

2. mom ordered ants for my birthdaychild abuse. mother forces son to watch and/or possibly engage in inappropriate activity with her husband.

3. i love jesusobviously a dark parody of christianity/catholicism. shows how blindly some fanatical christians/catholics will follow their beliefs, to the point where they no longer truly “follow” it as theyve warped the message to fit their own morbid desires (using christianity/the bible to excuse hatred and judgment upon others).

4. i me you love godanother dark parody of christianity/catholicism. i believe it mocks how fanatical christians/catholics focus only on the negative aspects of the bible instead of learning the true messages, as many of the words used are from the bible and are negative words.

5. behdsPROBABLY just a silly video but, i think it represents how people let negativity embed itself into their lives and complain about it even though it’s so easy to just let go of it.

6. jaffreymocking some sitcoms for how dumb and repetitive they can be.

7. kiss papa’s mustachepossibly child abuse, again.

8. storytimereferences/implies child abuse. storytime is also the name of one of treatsforbeasts’ songs on his Sanguinarius - Sin Nomine album.

9. hymns for him (1 + 2)just total parody albums of christian rock. vocals make you feel like youre dying but its actually kinda good to listen to in some parts

10. i screaming inside my headRoii (the character)’s first appearance. also probably symbolizes how depressing some kinds of music are

11. felines have nine livesnot sure but i feel like this is a warrior cats reference, in complete and total honesty (dont watch it if you dont like c/at d/eath though, its fictional but. yeah)

12. beastsreflection of society as a whole

then there’s. the two short films and sin nomine. so i’m gonna delve into that now and be warned, it’s fuckin long

treatsforbeasts is the self-titled short film and the first longest video on the treatsforbeasts channel. basically what i get from this is that treatsforbeasts, the channel itself, symbolizes an actual channel that chauncy (the child character in the short film, who is portrayed as a literal oral fleshlight with a body) watches. he consumes these concepts, such as internalizing misogyny (claw-paw skit), toxic masculinity (can i like balloons skit) and being exposed to a normalization of christianity (heaven and hell skit). there’s also a skit in which a spider binge eats and then proceeds to throw it up, which chauncy actually mimicks when his father brings him food.his father very much disapproves of these messages being shown on tv. he tells chauncy in regards to the claw-paw skit, when chauncy belittles the female character, “that’s not very nice, now is it”, and says “you can like ballons, you can love balloons if you want to”. his father goes on long tangents about how many institutions have normalized and inherited the concepts of christianity, and that it is one of the contributing factors of violence in the world. he references colonization, the holocaust, and in general mentions minorities.we learn that the father actually ended up being a father to chauncy in the first place due to (nsfw tw) masturbating in a sock to a picture of robert smith, and 9 months later chauncy was born. so technically there is no mother. the father talks about the meaning of life, and how everyone on the inside is a little bit of a freak, but there’s only two real ways you can accept that: 1) realize that your freakishness gives you a special lense through with you see the world and aid it in the ways the sane and happy ones probably cant, and 2) realize that real way number 1 is just lying to itself and that youre still a somewhat integral part of the lives of those you care for so deeply. he says that choosing which way to live really reverts back to the meaning of life, that you cannot live day by day believing there’s no reason to. “but whatever reason you give yourself to live, [...] you do it, because it is correct to live.”

sin nomine comes after the first short film, but i’ll delve into that after because really it touches on many many of the points and interpretations here.

the second short film, the beast is dead, was released just this year on valentines day! i think the main focus of the short film ranges from relationships to just once again a mockery of christianity/catholicism. once again it starts off with a father and his son. there is no mother figure present though she’s said to have left, due to the father watching too much “birdies”, a show, which i think is a metaphor for porn addiction. the father is implied to being prone to neglecting the son’s wants and not really caring for him, being disappointed in him, etc. etc..something important about the beast is dead is that it uses masks to portray those who are “followers” and those who are not. the father, interestingly enough, does not wear a mask. he seems to acknowledge what his son is saying when he goes on philosophical rants as well, but disregards them as nonsense and ends up leaving after bonking him with the stupid spike (metaphor for how parents will shut their children up by giving them a phone or toy to play with).the three other characters who don’t use masks in the beast is dead are Roii, Tom, and Doctor Zoughth (pronounced Zoth). Roii makes a comeback, finally! but this time he’s singing a song called “i love the sound of screaming babies”. it symbolizes how men will impregnate women and then run off, whether or not because they fantasize about pregnant women. it could also be a want of seeing a hurt child (hence the line “i know that all of you watching must think i’m insane, for loving when something so innocent is in so much pain”).however another interesting factor is that, the characters who don’t have masks, aside from Tom and the father, have red eyes at some point. this is a metaphor for how they’ve lost their humanity. Roii, at some point in the music video scene, only has one red eye whereas his other is normal. this hints at how part of him has lost his humanity while the other is still in tact.the other character that has red eyes is Dr Zoughth, but instead of him having only one red eye, both his eyes are red. this doesnt show until later though when he’s taken Tom away from the masked characters (followers). Dr Zoughth is very much self-aware. he is not blind, but simply has lost his humanity. Tom tries to reach out to him, to get him to think differently, that maybe resorting to coping with emotional struggles by worshipping something simple like flesh or something more higher than himself and forgetting his own mortality isn’t the healthiest way to live. but Dr Zoughth, having been long gone already, does not accept this and executes Tom.his own personal disciples grow tired of his tyranny and kill him and perform a ritual of some kind, disposing of his body (in the river i think, not sure). this entire ending of the film is basically the title, the beast is dead. but, i believe the beast is not dead, personally, because someone like Zoughth will always live on in other people, other beasts.there’s also a scene called grandma hespar and i think it implies how little people focus on sexual abuse towards men (when it’s from women).

anyways, with that being said, it’s time for sin nomine.

so now that i’ve explained pretty much all of treatsforbeasts to you, and whoever else is reading, it’s clear that the person behind this has issues with christianity (or catholicism), and child abuse. the person behind treatsforbeasts is Jordan Diniz, as he is also the person behind sanguinarius.

sin nomine is a very personal reflection of jordan’s life from what i gather. it depicts his struggles with how he views the world around him, whether that be due to personal experiences or not. at first i interpreted most of sin nomine to be the story of someone who is lgbt, but with jordan himself coming to me and telling me he is straight (POLITELY), it’s clear that is not the case.

so it most likely has to do with trauma. either religious or not, or both. it even says in the song storytime (remember i mentioned it earlier?), “fast hand, white hot trauma, reverberates inside the skull. innocence and intellect raped, reveals a view of a darker world. flesh on flesh, the bonds of affection - confused for the bonds of submission and fear. self-hatred and mistrust repel all beauty that comes near.” i don’t like to say that this solidifies a personal experience, but it’s highly possible.

a lot of sin nomine kind of goes over the same points in different ways, but it makes you think. i definitely feel like something happened to jordan at some point in his life but that is his story and it’s not my place to truly tell, since i don’t know him personally.

there’s also the other channel, adrianturcher. it has videos with seemingly no real purpose except for there being two videos with the same names of two songs on sin nomine, “nex memoria” and “a fetish for psychos”. nex memoria is just a compilation of clips that seem to symbolize the process of death (nex memoria is a latin phrase which very roughly translates to “memory’s death”). a fetish for psychos is a bunch of old clips from parties and shows that possibly jordan himself attended. they’re from 2002 judging by the date in the video. the lyrics in the song “a fetish for psychos” also seem to hint at these events, so it’s possibly that it’s like looking back on happy memories that make you feel sad instead or something. the song also might possibly reference a mother at the beginning.

sanguinarius also has its own channel simply called sanguinarius. there’s the music video for divine comedy (one of the songs on sin nomine) and a cover of because you’re young by david bowie, posted on his birthday a year after his death.

anyway, that’s. pretty much all i have to say. jordan diniz is a fuckin’ mastermind, he’s really good and cool and he’s very kind from my experience talking with him a couple times. he supports the gays as well!

sooooo, treatsforbeasts does have some very creepy/unsettling moments in its content but its EXTREMELY good and i recommend getting into it if you can. 100/10

#asks #tfb #treatsforbeasts #sanguinarius #ok 2 rb #deerlcorn

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pyronado-moved · 5 years ago

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The Warrior Code Needs To Change: A Look Into The Rules

Ever since I got into this series, I’ve believed the warrior code was bad. The idea of rules like this in the first place is odd, but especially when you really look into them and how they’ve affected the series as a whole. While I think boundaries between clans is good for their own safety, these rules seem like too much. They ruin the majesty that should be in the veins of these forest cats and condenses them into almost an Animal Farm level society.

So, I’ve decided to describe where each rule’s issues lay and if it should be either changed or taken out completely. These are powerful and wild cats, they shouldn’t be confined into a democratic monarchy. Also some of these are just down right dumb.

1. Defend your Clan, even with your life. You may have friendships with cats from other Clans, but your loyalty must remain to your Clan, as one day you may meet them in battle. The first half of this rule makes sense. You are of your clan and you should understand why there are territories and boundaries, but the second half is where it becomes apparent this code was made simply to keep clan bloodlines clean. Friendships between clans have consistently proven good within the series. They’ve helped stop plenty of fights and even helped build stronger alliances. While I do think cats should remain loyal to their clan in case a fight does break out, restricting cross-clan friendships into a situation where cats have to be weary of what they say at gatherings pushes down any chance of all four (or five) clans from truly finding peace alongside each other. Keep the first half, remove the second.

2. Do not hunt or trespass on another Clan's territory. On the warriors wiki, there is the code followed by expectations. Many of the expectations describe situations where this rule doesn’t apply. At this point, it’s simply a case-by-case basis on why you should be on another clan’s land. This rule is disregarded and ignored too many times in the series to be taken seriously. It needs to be taken out and become an unspoken understanding that there are multiple clans and multiple boundaries, and crossing territories should be decided on the situation at hand.

3. Elders, queens, and kits must be fed before apprentices and warriors. Unless they have permission, apprentices may not eat until they have hunted to feed the elders. If any warrior or apprentice is sick or injured, they may eat while the elders, queens, and kits are eating. No. This rule is disgusting in the way it’s worded and treated. I understand placing kits and queens first, food is important to growth for these cats. But the places of elders and apprentices has always bothered me. Elders aren’t fragile. They’re older, but they’re not breakable. Unless an elder is completely unable to decide when they’re hungry or they can’t get up to retrieve food they shouldn’t be placed higher than anyone else. Especially apprentices. These are children who have spent nearly all day finding this food (which is known to be even more difficult in leaf-bare) and then they’re shoved aside. Of everyone in camp they will need the most energy to continue to grow into the warriors the clan needs them to be. If there are slim pickings and all the other cats eat first, the hunger they feel will drain their urge and want to continue to participate in clan life. No energy, no food. Apprentices deserve to eat first as well. They’re young and can’t wait days on end for food like older cats who have trained their bodies to do so. Apprentices deserve to eat first as they begin to grow and ween themselves to understand how much to eat and when to eat as a warrior. Instantly removing their right to eat when they become six moons is unhealthy and gross.

4. Prey is killed only to be eaten. Give thanks to StarClan for its life. This is possibly the most useless rule on here. There has never been a punishment for a cat who has broken this rule. In fact, in the books very few cats even do it. Get rid of it. It’s dumb.

5. A kit must be at least six moons old to become an apprentice. Six moons is too young. A cat is full grown between 9 to 12 months old. Many many apprentices have been thrown into battles with minimal training before they’ve fully developed their minds and bodies. While I understand cats needs warriors quickly to defend themselves, forcing cats who are still growing into a world of harsh training and fights can do terrible things to their bodies. Six moons of training has still proven to be fine, especially considering they do continue practicing and training in downtime as warriors. Waiting 3 extra months for a cat to become an apprentice wouldn’t kill or weaken the clans, it would strengthen them. Cats need to be at least nine moons old, when they’ve begun to fully develop their bodies and minds.

6. Newly appointed warriors will keep a silent vigil for one night after receiving their warrior name. Literally I forgot cats even did this for the longest time until I reread this code for this meta. Just get rid of it. No one does it and it serves no purpose.

7. A cat cannot be made deputy without having mentored at least one apprentice I still don’t get this one at all. I read the story of its creation and it felt forced and awkward. Training one other cat doesn’t make you more fit for the responsibility of protecting an entire clan. It needs to be either removed or changed to say every cat must train at least one apprentice before retiring.

8. The deputy will become Clan leader when the leader dies, retires, or is exiled. Why is this rule here. That’s how the ranking system works. Why do they need an extra rule in this code. Get rid of it you have a ranking system for a reason. This is an understood thing.

9. After the death, retirement, promotion (to a leader status), or exile of the deputy, the new deputy must be chosen before moonhigh. I do understand this rule in its own right. A leader picking their helper quickly can insure the clan has a backup if the time comes. But the time is too short. Especially for deputies who deal with a sudden death of a leader. The role of deputy is important. It’s the cat who takes care of the clan to keep it running smoothly and carefully. Rushing a new leader, or even an old one, to choose a deputy is how mistakes are made. Both Tigerclaw and Whitestorm’s times as deputies are proof of this. Bluestar was making a snap decision on her third deputy and couldn’t view past Tigerclaw’s strength to see the deadly ambition that was visible to the readers. Firestar felt rushed since his first choice said no. He picked a cat that was too old for the role, and honestly who wasn’t fit for it. I love Whitestorm but he didn’t have the right skills to control an entire clan. At most, the time limit should be a week to insure the right cat is chosen.

10. A Gathering of all four Clans is held at the full moon during a truce that lasts for the night. There shall be no fighting among Clans at this time. This should really be rule number one. That’s my only issue here. This one makes sense and has an actual affect in the story other than ‘uhh loyalty good.’ Keep the rule, make it number one.

11. Boundaries must be checked and marked daily. Challenge all trespassing cats. Daily is too much for marking. Unless it’s seriously rained or snowed, like every three or four days for marking is fine. Challenging trespassing cats is just plain stupid. Do you want inured warriors? Because that’s how you get injured warriors. Checked daily, marked once in a while, calm down and ask why the cat is on your land in a gentle way before you get someone killed.

12. No warrior can neglect a kit in pain or danger, even if the kit is from a different Clan. What is the difference between a kit and any other rank? Every cat’s life should be considered important if there is no proof otherwise. Imagine being a warrior from ShadowClan and bleeding out from a fox attack with no way to call to your own clanmates. A ThunderClan patrol sees you but moves along because you’re not a kit. They have just agreed your life is worthless because you live on the opposite side of a border. This rule allows innocent cats to die simply based on age and needs to be changed to say helping all cats no matter their clan if it could mean a life or death difference.

13. The word of the Clan leader is the warrior code. Why do you have a warrior code if the leader can just change it. I hate this rule and it’s absolutely confusing. Pick something. Have a code for all the clans or let the leader decide.

14. An honorable warrior does not need to kill other cats to win their battles, unless they are outside the warrior code or if it is necessary for self-defense. Unless they’re trespassing. Or sitting on the sidelines. Or breathing. Cats kill in battle every time and hardly any serious punishment is given. Especially in the newer books. Just get rid of this you don’t follow it anyway.

15. A warrior rejects the soft life of a kittypet. Hmm. The discrimination against any cat, especially kittypets, who doesn’t live in a clan is weird considering the clans rarely welcome in outsiders. This rule is a dumb fear tactic used to imply cats who aren’t in clans are less than worthless and scares kits into loyalty instead of having the clan earn that through proof of the beauty of clan life. It’s a wack fear inducing rule that really doesn’t need to exist.

16. Each Clan has the right to be proud and independent, but in times of trouble they must forget their boundaries and fight side by side to protect the four. Each Clan must help the others so that no Clan will fall. This rule contradicts so many others. Why have borders and multiple clans if you have a rule that says ‘oh yeah but sometimes we need to be one clan because... we just do!’ I hate it, it was added way too late and has been followed and required like twice. Bramblestar is stupid and this rule is stupid. Get rid of it.

Proposed fixed code based on what I’ve said: 1. A Gathering of all four Clans is held at the full moon during a truce that lasts for the night. There shall be no fighting among Clans at this time. 2. Defend your Clan, even with your life. 3. Kits, Queens, and Apprentices must be fed before anyone else. Sick cats and elders unable to get their own food at any time may eat alongside them 4. A kit must be at least nine moons old to become an apprentice. 5. After the death, retirement, promotion (to a leader status), or exile of the deputy, the new deputy must be chosen before seven days have passed. 6. Boundaries should be checked daily. Trespassers should be met with peace before fang.

7. Every cat’s life has worth, and everyone should be protected if they are hurt or in danger far from their own clan. Possible 8. Every cat must train an apprentice before retirement

#FAR OUT!#wc #warrior cats #warrior cat meta #warrior cat code #warrior code #lol rb this im right and the erins are wrong

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swimmingseafish · 5 years ago

Text

Sanderstale Prequel: Jen

So, this is a Sanderstale prequel fic that I wrote in literally one day. It’s somewhat OC-focused, but I’m pretty proud of it, so I’m posting it here too.

tagged: @hideyseek @ironwoman359 @shrimpangie

summary: The journal of the second heir to the human throne, before the human-monster war. Could also be described as the personal accounts of Princen Cal of Medeis, featuring their family and monster friends and one particularly violent Entity.

CW: violence (mentioned at least), several implied deaths, possession, and an almost-drowning (but very vague).

(Please let me know if I need to tag anything else for this fic. I don’t think I’m leaving anything out, but I’m not positive.)

Read it on ao3!

Entry 1

(I have a strange urge to write this like a letter, and no one’s going to read this anyways, so they won’t care if I’m a dork.)

Hi, book of blank lined pages.

Father says I should keep a journal and write an entry once a week. He thinks it’ll help me prepare to help rule the kingdom one day. Or at least, I suppose, to deal with paperwork.

I mean, I guess it isn’t a bad idea. We’ll see how this goes.

It was nice to meet you.

- Cal

Entry 2

Greetings, still-mostly-blank journal.

People write important events down in journals, right? I think that’s how it works.

Well, I had my naming day this week! I’d been SO looking forward to turning eighteen. I finally got to stand in front of the kingdom and introduce myself to the world as Calyx, they/them, second heir to the throne of Medeis. Immy was very proud of her little sibling (me).

Prince Emile of Bellua was there, too, out of royal formality and respect. His naming day was a few months ago. I still don’t know him very well, but he seems nice, and so do his parents, which is good. Eventually, Immy and I will have to negotiate with him on things like borders and taxes, so we better at least kind of get along.

Hey, you know what? Since it’s my naming day and I insist on writing these like letters, I might as well name you, too. How about Jen?

(So, I like alliteration. Sue me.)

See you next week,

Cal

Entry 3

Dear Jen,

Mother and Father have been particularly stressed this week.

We’ve been working with Bellua to build and maintain a reservoir on the Regio, which is the largest river in the area and also happens to be the border between our two kingdoms. But the negotiation of exactly where to put the dam has been an absolute nightmare.

Why can’t we just put it by Lake Aureus? That makes the most sense. It’s basically a reservoir on its own already—just dam the river and add supporting structures to make the lake deeper. And that lake’s relatively empty of life for some reason, even though the water’s clean, so we wouldn’t be encroaching on protected species or monster homes.

But no one asked me, so.

Actually, hold on a second. I’m going to try something.

***

Back two hours later to say that Immy absolutely loved my idea and will be pitching it to our parents tomorrow morning. Huh. Maybe I should speak up more.

Good night, Jen.

- Cal

Entry 4

Dear Jen,

I’m no longer sure if speaking up was a good idea or not.

It’s managed to convince Immy and my parents that it’s time for me to handle a project on my own. Which should be a good thing! And I’m happy that they consider me responsible enough for that! It’s just that the project in question happens to be this infernal DAM. It’s fascinating, but the paperwork and scheduling and negotiations for workers and who does what when are absolutely EXCRUCIATING.

Also, I’ve spent nearly every day this week with Diana, the royal architect, which, again, SHOULD have been fine, if we hadn’t gotten into an argument five years ago with her daughter that led to us completely cutting off communication. Diana would not stop talking about Daisy.

“Yes, your highness, I agree that we should add more supports on that side. By the way, have you considered asking my daughter to help? She’s becoming quite a skilled architect herself.”

“It’s such a shame that you and Daisy don’t talk anymore, your highness.”

“Daisy actually came up with this particular design. Isn’t she doing such a good job?”

“Did you hear

I was going to keep writing out things that she said, but I got frustrated, so nope.

I like Diana, but I had good reason to stop talking to Daisy. So, also a big nope on talking to her.

I wish just one thing in my life was straightforward. Wait, no, definitely not. Nothing about me is straight.

***

I just laughed for a good five minutes over a pun I’ve made a billion times. I’m definitely exhausted. I need to at least try to get some sleep.

Night, Jen.

- Cal

Entry 5

Dear Jen,

Sorry, I know it’s been a month since I’ve last written, but I’ve gotten so much done!

Diana and I completed the plans for the Vis Dam three weeks ago, and it’s been under construction ever since. I’m due to go and supervise the end of construction in a few days.

I’m, quite frankly, a little nervous. I’ve put so much time and effort into this project, and it actually seems like it’s paying off.

As long as it’s not like the Cat Herding Incident of 1845, I think we’ll be good.

I’ll update this more once I can finally say the project’s complete.

- Cal

Entry 6

Dear Jen,

So! Things have happened. The Vis Dam is finished, thank goodness, but that didn’t quite go as planned.

Let me break this down for you:

I, in my ridiculous ceremonial robes, arrive at the dam. Prince Emile’s there, along with several other monster nobles that I don’t know and a host of human and monster workers.

I make small talk with Emile for the next hour or so until the dam’s officially complete. I learn that he really likes tea and that we both enjoyed this one children’s book series about space gem people. He is incredibly pleased to learn that I’d read it and that I am actually willing to listen to him talk about it. (People need to give this guy a place to nerd out more often, clearly.)

Both Diana and Daisy are there. I say hi to Diana and then proceed to ignore them as politely as possible.

It’s time for me to dedicate the dam, and I make my speech from the second-floor platform, just underneath the area that would vent water. It should be noted, and it cannot be emphasized enough, that this was not my idea. I would have been fine giving my speech from the top of the dam. But Diana decided, along with my parents, that it would be better to give a speech about the two kingdoms getting along if everyone was on the same level, literally. So, she added in a large, retractable platform lower on the structure. Why it was beneath the water vents, I have no idea. It might just be because that was in the center. Regardless, that’s beside the point.

Everyone else stands around me, while I stand with my back to the dam. It should be noted that the water vents were supposed to be OFF.

I finish my dedication of the dam to peace and harmony between humans and monsters, and everyone starts applauding. The vent directly above my head, determined to ruin my day, opens, blasting me and a dozen other assorted monsters and humans off of the dam and into the reservoir below.

This was not a short fall, by the way. It was a good 200 feet down at least. The only reason we didn’t all die was that someone caught us with blue magic just before we hit the water, holding us still for a brief second and then letting us drop 2 feet instead.

I, also, am terrible at swimming. We—Immy and I—had to take classes as children, but we only ever had to get good enough to be able to survive. Immy’s a swimming champion. I can tread water for five minutes. I was not (and am not) equipped to survive in a raging river.

Fortunately, just as I was about to go under for good, I felt my SOUL turn blue again. I was forcibly yanked from the water so hard that I flew over the water and smacked into my very furry rescuer. He felt so guilty that he couldn’t stop apologizing, despite the fact that he’d saved my life and he had no reason to feel sorry (as I promptly told him).

Turns out, his name was Patton, and he’d been practicing his blue magic by working on the dam—moving parts into place alongside the other workers. His specialty is healing magic, but his parents both served in high positions in the Belluan military, so they had insisted he learn more combative magic as well. He’d done great with fire magic, he told me, but the specific SOUL magic types had proven more difficult, hence the practice.

Right then, Emile, who’d apparently escaped being thrown off the platform by the waterfall of death, ran over, asking if I was okay. I quickly assured him that I was and that he didn’t need to worry, though it was appreciated.

And then:

“Oh! Prince Emile Dreemurr, meet Patton Hart. He saved my life.”

“Ah, n-nice to meet you, Patton.” Emile’s cheeks turned bright red as he dipped his head to Patton.

“It’s nice to meet you too, your highness!” Patton said, bowing and then bouncing back up. He glanced at me, still soaking wet, and then at Emile, standing there in pristine royal robes. “I see you’re not a go with the flow kind of prince.”

All three of us immediately burst out laughing, but Emile couldn’t stop staring at Patton the whole time. Prince Emile, who I’d officially decided was my friend now, clearly had a GIANT crush on the boy who saved my life.

I went home after talking to both of them for a little while longer—and after getting a towel. My robes were soaked. I think I’m going to need new ones; I don’t trust that velvet to last after that much exposure to dubious-quality water.

Patton, Emile, and I are planning on meeting up next week. I’m determined to play matchmaker. Also, they both seem like amazing people, and I haven’t had a close friend outside of Immy in years. (Don’t be offended, Jen—I’m counting humans and monsters, not journals).

Wow, this entry got long. I’ll be back sometime soon. It’s after midnight and I have to debrief Mother and Father tomorrow on this whole fiasco.

But overall, a successful day, don’t you think?

Night!

- Cal

Entry 7

Dear Jen,

I love these two.

First of all, there was an absolutely GOLD moment that I have to share.

We all met up at my home, the castle in Medeis, since neither Emile nor Patton regularly made trips to the human kingdom, so I figured it’d be fun for them. Patton got there first, and we were sitting in what is best described as the living room and chatting.

Emile, arriving next, didn’t know that Patton was there already, and for reasons unknown decided to open the door while making what were arguably the strangest noises I have ever heard in my life. It was like he was trying to be an entire orchestra introducing the beginning of a children’s play but could only generate notes via his own voice and using the vowel “da” at various pitches and intensities.

I actually didn’t even know it was him at first, to be honest, until he stopped, popped his head around the door frame, and instantly turned bright red upon seeing both me and Patton.

Does he just enter every room that way? Is that something he reserves for friends? Not the blushing thing, but the singing thing. I didn’t ask because he was already embarrassed, but now I REALLY want to know.

Second, on a more general level, things I learned from this experience:

1. Patton probably has a crush on Emile too, based on the evidence of my own eyes. (No, Jen, I refuse to elaborate. That would take up at LEAST all the rest of your pages.)

2. Patton will make puns endlessly unless he is stopped. (And Emile will definitely not stop him ever.)

3. Emile will reference various fantasy books endlessly and cannot be stopped. (This is not a bad thing. He clearly loves them.)

4. Patton, despite being the only one out of the three of us that isn’t an heir to a throne (and the youngest by a couple weeks), has the best head for leadership and politics.

5. All three of us care too much, apparently, and have been told so several times by our family and friends, especially Emile. He says not to hold it against his parents, though.

6. Patton’s a pacifist and refuses to fight anyone in a real battle, though he is trained for it. Luckily, there aren’t really any real battles he’d need to fight in. We’re lucky enough to live in a remarkably peaceful time.

7. Emile is simultaneously stronger and weaker than you’d think. He’s built, with broad shoulders and muscles clearly built up from years of training. But we practiced fighting together, and he’s the most skilled at magical attacks. His trident is really something else. I’m a skilled martial artist, but I’m not a mage, so I can only beat him about half the time.

8. Emile is trying to grow a beard with only VERY limited success. I asked him why he bothers when he already has more than enough hair, and he bopped me (very lightly!) on the head with his trident.

9. I laugh a whole lot more around Emile and Patton than I normally do.

The only other person I’ve been this close to was Daisy, but she broke my heart at age thirteen and I have no desire to revisit that experience. (Maybe the fact that I’m still stuck on it five years later is an issue. There really should be like…mind doctors or something to help with things like that.)

But anyways, I’m not in love with either of them, for sure. Though Immy would get a kick out of it if I fell in love with Emile—she’d say I managed to arrange my own marriage.

I do love them as friends, though, even though we haven’t spent too much time together. I think I get attached quick.

Hopefully we’ll get to do this again a lot in the future.

I’m not sure how much time I’ll have to write in the next few months. Harvest season’s coming up, and I still have to do maintenance on the dam. But I’m dedicated to this now, even though I think my dad’s forgotten he suggested it. Don’t worry, Jen. I won’t abandon you.

Have a good few months,

Cal

Entry 8

Hey, Jen. It’s been a while, huh?

I had a feeling it was going to be hard to keep this up consistently.

Anyways, I’m nineteen now, so there’s that! And yes, past me, you did get to hang out with Patton and Emile much more, don’t worry—I’m now confident in calling them my best friends. And they’re still dancing around each other like the goofballs they are. (To be fair, they’ve had more pressing concerns recently.) Even Emile’s little sister, Princess Linda, needles him about Patton constantly. That’s a good sister right there, and I say this with the full knowledge that I would hate it if Immy did this to me.

I also got to meet Patton’s friend Camden, a tortoise monster, and Camden’s little brother Gerson, who is the most optimistic child (and potentially person) on the face of the planet. Camden wants to be a professional photographer someday, and his work is excellent. He’s hilarious and laughs at pretty much any badly planned joke, which I’m starting to think is a prerequisite for being Patton’s friend.

And Gerson—I still cannot get over him. He’s seven years old and knows so much about the world and current events, but he never lets it affect him negatively. He always looks at the bright side. A monster kid like that, even if he’s not a boss monster, is going to live for centuries.

Oh yeah, current events. I guess I should put that in here too. God knows I need to talk to someone about it.

Tensions between humans and monsters are on the rise and have been pretty consistently for the past year. I didn’t know until three months ago when a skirmish broke out on the border—right by the Vis Dam, in fact. Three humans were grievously injured, and one was killed, but five monsters in total were turned to dust.

Immy and my parents had been trying to handle it quietly with Emile and his parents, but there have been an increasing number of humans terrified of monsters in recent years.

Someone—a palace worker named Silenda—went through the records from the long-ago battles between humans and monsters. She found out that monsters could absorb human SOULs while humans couldn’t absorb monster ones, and she told her brother, who unfortunately was both unable to keep his mouth shut and worked for a very popular newspaper. The information spread quickly, and there are some in our kingdom who have used it to stir up fear.

I actually was a little hurt that my parents didn’t trust me or Immy with this information. And that once they did let us know, they only told Immy. She had to tell me. But I do understand. She’s the Crown Princess. She’ll be queen one day.

But I’ll be her advisor and strongest supporter. Shouldn’t I know, too?

Ugh. I’m still bitter about this and it’s not remotely the point.

The point is that we’re starting to see skirmishes on the border, and neither ruling party wants that. But both countries have so far been unable to stop the fighting. The small factions are operating independently of the leadership.

We might have to call in the military to calm down the situation if it gets any worse, and I can’t see that going remotely well.

I said at the beginning of this entry that I’ve still been seeing Patton and Emile. And I have. But it’s gotten a lot less frequent over the last three months.

Patton’s been working with the medical corps of the Belluan military and volunteering on the “front lines” of the skirmishes, healing whoever he can. Camden’s out there with him, documenting everything for posterity. Gerson mostly stays home, but Camden’s had to bring him once or twice.

Emile’s doing his best as Crown Prince, but it’s been hard on him. He doesn’t hold much power on his own yet, and he feels like if his parents can’t do anything, what could he possibly do?

I’ve been reaching out diplomatically to the leaders of the small factions as best I can to try to get them to stop. Silenda’s been helping me; she’s a surprisingly fast writer, and incredibly brave and strong and a true believer in justice. She also blames herself for everything that’s been going on.

I’ve told her repeatedly that I, at least, don’t blame her, which is true, I don’t. I blame her brother, a little, and the newspaper some, but mostly I blame the people who decided that the only answer to being scared is to kill.

Why did I have to jinx everything by writing that we live in peaceful times?

I wish I could have a conversation about this with someone besides you, Jen, but everyone’s just so busy and overwhelmed and stressed. All I can do with them is endlessly throw solutions around and have none of them work out. At least I can get my thoughts out this way.

Until next time.

- Cal

[On the next three pages, several entries were started and then scratched out.]

Entry 9

Jen—

I turned twenty, and I think I might be losing my mind.

We tried military intervention. It didn’t work. Our soldiers, instead of holding the monsters back and protecting our own citizens, decided to go rogue and wipe out the entire monster battalion.

Bellua and its rulers were rightfully devastated and furious, and they were about to declare war on us.

My parents, Immy, me, and several other councilors held a meeting in the throne room to determine our best course of action. Eventually, they got around to asking my opinion.

I opened my mouth to suggest literally anything other than war. Reparations, peace talks, giving up territory. My best friends were monsters and I had—and still have—absolutely no desire to fight or kill them or their families.

But then I felt like my body was taken over by a stranger. I couldn’t control my movements or my voice. I watched, a horrified passenger in my body, as my voice made a persuasive argument for declaring war before Bellua could.

And they listened.

My parents. My sister. All the councilors.

They listened.

And they declared war.

What’s wrong with me?

I couldn’t—didn’t—say those things.

I love my friends so much that it feels like I have a star living in my chest.

Sil almost slapped me when she found out what I’d done. Instead, she quietly gathered her things and left, tears running down her face. I love her too, and I’ve never told her.

And I might have just lost all of them.

Who do I go to for help? Who would believe me? Even if they did, what could they do?

What the hell is going on, Jen?

Entry 10

It happens nearly every day now.

The Entity—that’s what I’ve chosen to call it—comes for me in the morning. I go through my routine mechanically, or, at least, my body does. Then the Entity and I join the royal council to make plans and move troops.

I’m a general now. Me. All I thought I would ever do was help Immy and run paperwork. And maybe build more dams.

I fight on the field, too. The Entity favors lightweight javelins and shatters SOUL after SOUL with them.

I think dust is permanently stuck to my boots.

I can’t make it stop.

Entry 11

Immy’s worried about me. But she’s all for the war now. And the Entity exerts control even when it’s not speaking for me. I can’t take its words back, so I can’t tell her what’s wrong.

Patton’s worried about me. He’s tried to send me messages using the little spiders that serve the matriarch of the Spider Clans. The Entity won’t let me write back or even read them, and it hurts every single time. The most I’ve managed to do is protect the spiders. The Entity wanted to squish them.

I don’t know if Emile’s worried about me or if he even cares. I’ve seen him leading charges on the battlefield, too. I don’t know if he’s seen me, but I hope not.

I haven’t heard from Sil. The Entity won’t let me reach out to her, either. But I thought I saw her next to Emile, once. I hope she’s safe, or as safe as anyone can be in this broken world.

Entry 12

I caught my reflection in the mirror today when the Entity was in control. They turn my eyes this weird pale red color. It’s not even pink. They just dull my eyes.

Appropriate, I guess.

I’m twenty-one today, for whatever it’s worth.

Entry 13

The Entity can control time.

Today, I managed to break free of their control for a split second and shatter a bottle of squid ink on a table filled with valuable intelligence. I could sense how angry they were. And, of course, how angry everyone else was. Immy just about took my head off.

But then I felt a warm sensation in my chest, blinked, and somehow it was 7 AM that morning again. I saw a flicker of bright golden light for just a second before the Entity, still irritated, quickly ran through my morning tasks again and headed back to the throne room. They kept me on a tighter leash this time, and I didn’t have another chance to break free.

How did they do that?

More importantly, if they’re controlling MY body, is that something THEY can do or something I can do? Because if I’m the one who can do that…

I need to conduct some research.

Entry 14

I’m exhausted. I’ve been doing most of my research at night. The Entity has far less control at night.

I still try to stay awake all day, though. I need to keep tabs on what they’re doing with my body.

Hence why my brain is dead right now. But I need to catalog what I’ve found.

My SOUL is red. I’ve known this since I was a small child. SOUL colors are logged at age five, as soon as it’s definitely safe enough to enter into the sort of magical connection necessary for a SOUL to appear on someone’s chest.

No one else in my family has a red SOUL. Immy’s is purple, Mother’s is dark blue, and Father’s is green. (Sil, though not my family, has a yellow SOUL.)

I’ve never met anyone else, as far as I know, with a red SOUL. That’s what started me on the track of thinking that SOUL colors might be important.

According to the old texts I found in the library, all the other SOUL colors are thought to be linked to personality traits or convictions. Light blue is patience, orange is bravery, dark blue is integrity, purple is perseverance, green is kindness, and yellow is justice. But red is never labeled, not in any of the texts I looked at.

Finally, at the very back of the library, just as the sun was coming up, I found a book so old and covered in dust that I was worried I wouldn’t be able to read it before it fell apart.

That book said that red SOULs store immense power, but they’re not linked to any specific trait. Red SOULs are said to be blank slates. People used to be afraid of them, apparently, because they feared they could be possessed by demons.

Well, if the Entity isn’t a demon, I don’t know what the fuck it is.

The part I still don’t get is the “immense power” line. The only humans who can use magic are mages. I’m not a mage. I know I’m not a mage. We’re tested for that as kids.

But I’ve never tried to see if I could control time because as far as I knew, that was impossible, and it’s a little late to learn.

And there’s always the chance that this could in fact be the Entity’s power, not mine, and I’m going on a wild goose chase in the middle of a war.

I don’t have much else to do, though, do I, Jen?

[The next pages are filled with tally marks and scribbled notes in various different pencils and markers. There are drawings of SOULs on several of the pages, and spilled candle wax and dried tears adorn a few as well.]

Entry 15

Well, I still can’t make those glowing time-points. But I do actually have a surprising amount of stored magic. It was just sitting in the center of my SOUL. I would never have figured out how to access it if it weren’t for the Entity.

I’ve seen and felt them reset a couple more times since that first day, usually when they say something that they consider less than optimal. They’ll just reset and repeat that moment over and over again until it meets whatever the fuck their standards are.

We’re four years into the war, now. I skipped noting a couple of birthdays in there, somewhere, but I’m twenty-four now. Twenty-four, and there’s still a demon living in my head, forcing me to kill.

Emile’s parents were assassinated last year. Not by me, but the Entity supported it. My parents are still alive, but I’m not sure how long that will last, giving the blood-and-dust nature of the world right now.

I know Sil’s one of Emile’s top tacticians now, thanks to the intelligence the Entity has gathered. I’ve seen Camden’s war photography, including a photo of Gerson, much taller than he used to be but still just a kid, standing out in front of their home with a giant hammer in his arms. Patton’s still working on the front lines, healing as many people as he can. He still refuses to fight. I admire him so much for being able to make that choice and stick to it. I wish my hands were still clean.

Linda’s serving under Emile now, too, but as a soldier. She’s far too young for this.

Maybe we’re all too young for this.

Immy scares me the most. She still supports the war, but more out of fear than anything else. She sounds like those fearmongering men from so long ago.

She makes me wonder if the war is even the Entity’s fault.

Maybe it would have happened anyway.

Entry 16

I found my power.

But I don’t control time—or at least, I don’t know how.

I erase memories.

The Entity stayed down in the dungeons—that’s another thing we never used to have, or at least use, here, really. But anyways, the Entity stayed down in the dungeons for too long, and night fell. So, I had a little bit more control than usual.

I reached out with just a little bit of my magic and tried to make one of those glowing stars that allow the Entity to reset. Instead, one of the prisoners cried out.

“Where am I? What happened?” They looked around wildly. “Wait…WHO am I?!”

That absolutely wasn’t what I meant to do. And I couldn’t figure out how to bring the memories back. It looks like, when I erase memories, they’re gone for good.

But I needed to figure this out. I tested my power on one more prisoner and figured out that I can erase only specific memories if I try hard enough.

Writing this out, I’m shocked at myself. I’m experimenting on people. And I don’t even feel that bad about it.

What’s wrong with me? I’m so numb to suffering at this point. I’m numb to the world.

I miss Patton, Emile, Camden, and Gerson…and Sil. But they’re better off without me.

I don’t know what I can do with this power. I’ll keep fighting the Entity. Maybe I can break free. Maybe that’ll be enough.

What else can I erase?

[There’s an interval of at least twenty blank, crisp pages.]

Entry 17

It’s almost over. After five years, it’s almost over.

I managed to free myself from the Entity for now. I won’t say how because I don’t have time, but they’re not happy.

Medeis won, if you can call it that. Sil, as the monster ambassador, and I managed to get Immy to agree to seal the monsters underground rather than exterminate them. The war’s done a number on us all.

Sil still hates me. She doesn’t understand. She can’t. She never will. Neither will any of them. They’ll all hate me forever.

Sil has teamed up with a group of other mages to create the Barrier. With me, that makes seven.

The Entity doesn’t like this. They want to kill all the monsters.

I won’t let that happen.

Camden’s dead. Linda’s dead. My parents are dead. Immy, Gerson, Patton, and Emile are still alive, and so are thousands of others. You don’t get to take them too, do you hear me, you absolute sack of shit?

You think this is a game.

You think that what you do doesn’t matter.

It matters to me. It matters to Immy, and Sil, and everyone else in my world.

After we seal the monsters underground, I’m going to erase you from this world. I’ll erase you, and I’ll erase the memory of monsters and magic ever existing from the minds of every human on this planet.

I’ll almost certainly die in the process, but I don’t care. They’ll have a future, and the monsters will be safe from you and the humans like you.

There’s no future for me anymore.

You’ll have no host and no memory of your purpose or identity. You’ll be gone for good.

They’ll be safe. They’ll be safe. They’ll be safe.

I love you. All of you. More than words could ever say.

Goodbye.

- Princen Calyx of Medeis

#sanderstale #my writing #sanderstale prequel

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kecharacosplay · 4 years ago

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Can’t Sleep...

And I need somewhere to vent that won’t be seen by my family...

I’m feeling incredibly frustrated, angry, trapped, guilty, and selfish right now. To start, let me explain the current situation.

My sister and brother-in-law are both teachers. They have a 2-year-old daughter. Their school was smart enough to decide that reopening was a bad idea, BUT they still want the teachers to return to a full-time schedule. They told all the teachers with young children to ‘just put them in daycare’. Because THAT idea was even dumber than the first, my sister has asked me to come down and be their live-in babysitter for the foreseeable future instead. I made the mistake of agreeing.

And now every alarm bell is blaring in my head, because I really don’t want to do it. They live five hours away from me, which means I will have to abandon everything and essentially live out of a suitcase for the next several months, if not the whole school year. I cannot bring my pets(B-I-L is allergic to my cat, and my dog HATES their dog). They have offered to let me set up my sewing business in their house, which is already crammed full of all their own stuff, and I cannot even begin to explain how much stuff I would even need to bring in the first place(ie: most of it wouldn’t even fit in my car anyway).

The bright side? I live with my parents, who can take care of my pets for me, my sewing business is pretty much dead right now anyway thanks to current circumstances, and they offered to pay me(a little). But all I’m doing to my parents is the same thing as my sister is doing to me, and the school is doing to my sister. Dumping the problem on someone else and telling them to just 'figure it out'.

I’m angry at my sister for putting me in this position, because it tells me that she thinks NOTHING of my life and my obligations(I’m literally the ONLY person she even asked, probably because I’m the only one that doesn’t have a ‘real job/responsibilities’). Even worse, my BIL’s father LITERALLY LIVES DOWN THE STREET FROM THEM, but they can’t ask him because 1) he’s “disabled”(lazy), 2) he wanted to charge them $200-300 a week, 3) he literally walked out/quit and gave them til the very next day to find a replacement the last time he agreed to babysit(that's a whole different bag of worms, but let's just say the reason they live down there at all is because of his “promises”)

I'm also incredibly angry at the school/gov't and their whole bullshit idea of not only the schooling itself, but also the previous problem of paying their teachers such shitty wagers, that they both need to work full-time AND have a roommate just to cover their mortgage/bills. One could nitpick and argue that they should have picked a smaller house, or waited longer before having children, or any other number of stupid details, but all that does is take the blame away from the real problem, the one that everyone seems to ignore and just get mad at each other about instead of the people who are actually ruining everything.

Our whole society seems to be designed around protecting the billionaires and their lifestyle. We all KNOW they're greedy and selfish and backstabbing, and yet if one even SUGGESTS that they redistribute their wealth back to the masses they stole it from(because you LITERALLY do NOT become a billionaire by playing fair, taking care of your employees and following all the rules that are SUPPOSED to prevent that sort of exploitation but DON'T), everyone immediately comes to their defense, claiming it's their “right” to keep “their” money, they “earned it”, or other such various nonsense.

So now I'm trapped between the rock of abandoning my life and my chosen occupation/business, or the hard place of abandoning my sister and my niece to an uncaring and indifferent system. All because some billionaire decided the school system was “fine”, that the mindless BULLSHIT that we all learn in school(and subsequently forget five minutes after we graduate anyway) is more important that taking care of the people, and also deciding it was more important that they and their rich buddies can buy another bently, or summer home, or bank, or whatever CRAP those entitled miscreants waste their money on(most likely just hoarding it for the bragging rights) rather than giving it to the people who need it the most, which btw would VASTLY IMPROVE THE WHOLE FUCKING ECONOMIC SYSTEM.

But worst of all for me personally...is knowing there's not a damn thing I can do. I can make a thousand of these rants, make all the suggestions in the world, but because I don't already have money...it all means absolutely nothing. My choices are live out of a suitcase and under the thumb of my sister(and dump the responsibility of my pets on my parents)...or live with the guilt of letting my sister and her husband freak out every single day because they either have to wrangle their toddler whilst simultaneously teaching a class(which could possibly get them fired), find another baby-sitter who undoubtedly would demand WAY more money than what they offered me, or give in to the stupid school's stupid idea of sending her to daycare, where children spread germs like glitter in a craft room.

I know going down there is the right thing to do, and that's probably exactly why I agreed to it without thinking it through, but that doesn't mean I have to like it or think that it's still a horrible and stupid and unnecessary complication that shouldn't even be considered during a FUCKING PANDEMIC.

#personal #rant #frustration

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fallingin-like · 5 years ago

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november 2

andriel into the future (series) by @dustbottle

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

these are some wonderfully written post-canon fics that make you feel warm and safe. we get to see neil and andrew’s relationship grow and strengthen. there’s neil’s year at psu without andrew, a minyard-josten rivalry fic, just some good times, coming out, and cats! there are 5 fics in this series.

missing you (is all i am)

i feel like this whole series is so iconic, and i understand why. it’s really well written and is just such soft content. as much as it’s fun to read the many au’s that are out there, it’s nice to come back and have some comforting post-canon that wraps you up like a blanket because you know andrew and neil are just out there living their life together.

parts i really liked:

”tension scraping at the back of his throat and humming distractingly under his skin. the quiet of his empty apartment… is pressing in on him from all sides, treacherous and thickly oppressive.” i really like the description that you use so well. i can imagine how this feels, you’ve put to words something that i have only ever experienced before

that the exy highlight is literally just neil. andrew is so far gone ahhh

”in neil’s absence, andrew feels strangely untethered, smaller and emptier and less somehow than he has in years.” i just really like the words you used, it is so right

that when andrew finally sees neil looking bad and immediately looks for an injury or something, it reminds me that andrew doesn’t realise how much neil missed andrew. during the novels we saw everything from neil’s perspective and it can seem like andrew is just an anchor, so it’s nice to understand that andrew, like everyone, is uncertain and unsure and new to this whole relationship thing too. i find it’s easy to forget because andrew always seems so decisive and confident, that he’s never done anything like this, let himself be so vulnerable, given parts of himself away to other people like this.

”he bleeds raw emotion all over the place even as he fights to keep it contained.” i love the imagery here

“neil says, and smiles; a dismantled gun; a knife wrapped in lace.” yes!

”’because it’s the truth,’ neil tells, trusting and honest and harsh, and just like that, the resistance breaks apart.” this feels so fitting, because truth is such a huge part of the foundation of this relationship.

minyard-josten: a rivalry for the ages

i think like most people in the fandom, rivalry!au’s are so so fun to read. there’s something fun about being in on a secret, especially since in these fics, it’s not necessarily a secret, people just are oblivious.

parts/things i especially enjoyed:

West! not going to lie, he actually kind of reminds me of someone i know (named Wes) who fits this character. the guy i know is really nice and chill, but has serious muscle, a bunch of tattoos, and always looks super cool which is how i picture Wes. and i like when this type of character feels awkward, it endears me to them a little bit more

great to hear of the bonding between neil and his new teammates! i imagine it must have been tough for him at first, he has to adjust because the foxes were his first team, but also his first family and that’s something you can’t just move on from.

”…[matt] keeps an impressively straight face, commenting that andrew and neil have always had a ‘unique relationship’…” i LOVE when the foxes play up the rivalry with increasingly ambiguous and wild comments. i mean they’re not wrong?? they’re just purposely misleading the public and i am here for it!

”kevin catgeorically refuses to talk about anything not strictly exy-related; when pressed, he stiffly remarks that their teamwork had never been a problem.” of course kevin tries to stay out of it. he must be preparing such a long lecture for the next time he sees andrew and neil.

the bit where neil scores on andrew and andrew grabs his helmet. they’re sO cute!! i can only imagine that it must be so rewarding for neil to be able to read andrew so well because it shows him that 1. how he is affecting andrew and making him feel things and 2. allowing himself to have a strong enough relationship with someone to recognize all these small quirks, etc.

”as he watches the other team celebrate their win, with andrew a speck of calm indifference in their midst” something about the imagery of andrew being this calm in the chaos. i think that’s such a big part of their relationship. neil knows that no matter what, andrew will be there for him, his rock, something stable when everything else is crazy.

you did a really great job transitioning between all these scenes in such a short amount of time. going from the intensity of the game to the quiet of the changeroom, moving from having their teams and the crowd around them to being alone. there’s this distance between them when they’re on court, but when they’re alone? they’re free to be themselves and it’s so interesting to see how different and similar it is to how they normally act. andrew shows his affection in all the little gestures and neil is able to catch all of them where other people just see the blank mask still.

the self i am

the parts i really enjoyed:

something you don’t quite emphasize, but the fact that they’re driving home. it’s clear that since they’ve been driving for such a long time, it would make more sense to fly, but it’s cute that they don’t. first, it shows just another way that neil takes andrew’s preference into consideration. second, it gives them time to spend together! even though they’re about to have a few days alone in the columbia house, there’s definitely something different and intimate about being in a car with someone for hours. there’s nowhere else to go and no way to reduce the time that you’re together (because i’m sure that andrew was speeding anyway)

andrew not smoking around daisy. although i do think that neil has softened some of andrew’s edges, i do think that andrew would be more considerate towards children than adults/teens. he knows too well how vulnerable they are and even if he doesn’t enjoy spending time with them, i believe he would do the small things like not smoke around them, or share his candy with them.

”progress is slow and not always linear, but it is there” sometimes this can be easy to forget, but that doesn’t make it less true.

all the ways that andriel should have been obvious to the public but they were too oblivious to know (perfect format of a 5+1 if people still did that HAH you know what maybe there is one like that out there and i just can’t recall it at this moment)

”’i’ll think about it,’ he says, and it would have been a dismissal from anyone else, but from andrew it’s a promise.” i like this because it shows that andrew won’t commit to doing something if he’s still unsure about it. he still takes his word very seriously and doesn’t want to give neil false hope.

oh double fudge ice cream sounds GOOD

”winter sunlight bathes andrew in watery gold, lending his pale hair an almost ethereal glow, and neil feels, with a fierceness that surprises even himself.” i love the imagery you use in this. watery gold? yeS.

th e kiss!!! yeahhh

”kevin is staring stoically ahead, either resigned to his fate or possibly sleeping with his eyes open” I LOVE KEVIN DAY (and also the way you wrote this. so funny)

woohoo! acknowledgement that even though neil is mostly soft, he is also a knife boy and could cut you if he wanted *insert knife emoji*

i can imagine the headlines MINYARD-DAY RIVALRY?

bless the foxes and their reactions. they’re exactly what i would expect.

neil asking if andrew wants him to sleep on the couch!! so considerate! these boys!!

i wanted to say that i like that this fic didn’t just end with the kiss, in fact that’s the middle of the fic. the fall-out/reaction of the public is definitely some of the more interesting parts, and the scenes where andrew and neil are likely dealing with the most stress

a battle, a war, a growing up

things i really liked:

hearing about andrew’s childhood! i think the idea of andrew reading harry potter is pretty fitting too, i imagine that it would be something easy to come across and that he would be the type to try and spend time at the library, either a public one or with school

acknowledgement of andrew missing neil, it must be hard for him, after trying to pretend he is independent for so long

”andrew’s mind is flat with the kind of bone-deep exhaustion that comes from beating himself bloody against the constraints of his own spiralling thoughts.” i feel this.

that andrew is still in contact with bee! and he still comes and talks to her about the big decisions he is making in his life. i think that it’s great to see how much he trusts her and wants to share himself with her, she’s probably the second adult he has been able to do so with (first being wymack).

”you have been taking care of people for years, andrew… this is not so different when you think about it.” YES THIS IS GOOD

i like the idea of andrew picking out two cats at once, of the cats being brothers and keeping them together

the first time that king sits in andrew’s lap is so soft

”there are no more sharp edges to the way he feels about neil; there is only trust, hard-won but utterly true” ugH this is so good! their relationship started as only sharp edges and things that they could cut with, it’s so great to see how time has worn them softer and allowed them to grow and live and want and love

sir! allowing! pets! bless this moment forever

YES NEIL. YOU ROAST THAT REPORTER!!!

oh dang, i forgot that andrew being sick would likely be so similar to withdrawal that it would trigger him. i think i read a fic that explored this but i cannot for the life of me remember what it was called.

”bee picks up on the first ring, just like she always does, and andrew finally exhales.” i just really like the wording that you used, it feels so right

neil and his bandana strikes again, stealing andrew’s heart (and mine)

so nice to see aaron and andrew getting along!! i do believe that post-canon they work things out like this. they’re still rough around the edges, i think that’s how most siblings are, but they have come to an understanding that they won’t always understand each other but that doesn’t mean they won’t always support each other.

also? i just relate to this fic because i really really want a cat. this just made me want a cat more. they’re such a perfect addition to the life that andrew and neil have.

i think this whole series was lovely. the writing is really easy to read and i love seeing the progression of neil and andrew’s relationship, both with each other and the rest of the world. you have great characterization and i like the direction you took with all of these fics. it was really nice to see glimpses of their life in this last fic and it’s so nice to hear everything from andrew’s thoughts. he’s a character that keeps so much on the inside that it’s great to be able to explore what’s really going on inside of his head and see how he reacts to everything inwardly and his process filtering these reactions. this was so nice to read again, and i’d love to read any more additions to this series!!

#andriel into the future #aftg fic review #raelle writes

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echoes-of-realities · 6 years ago

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be my fire in the cold (and I'll be waiting by the mistletoe) - 2/25

* * *

[Fanfiction] // [ao3]

[Previous Chapter] // [Next Chapter]

Chapter Summary: Rachel still doesn’t quite understand what an understudy is despite the fact that she is one; Brittany gets caught blushing far more often than she’s used to.

Chapter 2: there were sweeties and chocolates and toys and lights

The matinee goes far more smoothly than most people thought it would, but it’s not that it went well that surprises Brittany, it’s that people thought it wouldn’t. She doesn’t really make it a habit to listen when the company gossips, partly because there’s always a lot of mean gossip surrounding her and Mike and Tina since they’re all principals and Brittany just prefers to ignore it all, and partly because Mercedes always keeps her well informed anyways, usually when she’s changing Brittany into her costume or helping with her hair and makeup and Brittany has no choice but to listen. She when she hears people marvelling at how well Santana’s handled the show, despite the fact that she was literally only hired two days ago, she’s more than a little surprised that people are surprised.

She’s comfortably close with Quinn and Artie, not enough that they seek each other’s company outside of the show, but enough that she doesn’t mind having lunch with them between shows. And it’s because she doesn’t mind having lunch with them that she knows Santana Lopez is more than qualified to run the show, maybe too qualified if the copy of her resume Artie snuck them was anything to go by; and beyond that, she knows that Tina and Mike trust her completely, so she was never too worried about the change in production stage manager. Based on the complete and utter surprise of most people as they file into one of the larger rehearsal room for a quick meeting, Brittany realizes that she’s in a minority.

She spots Mercedes and Sam giggling together and blushing, so she heads over to them and collapses onto the floor beside them. None of the children are at the meeting, they’re all getting lunch with their parents and friends before the show at five, and though the meeting isn’t mandatory for the teenagers, there’s a couple of them gossiping in a corner. The entire rest of the company and all of the department heads, along with most of their departments too, are squished into the room. The mirrors lining the walls make it look like there are even more people than there actually are, and Brittany knows how nerve-racking it can be to stand in front of so many people with the mirrors multiplying them tenfold, but Santana looks calm and collected as her and Quinn break away from the small team of stage managers and stagehands in the corner to address the room.

It’s a typical meeting, and they go over some minor changes that Santana’s suggested to make backstage less congested during a couple scene changes, and despite the slight grumbling throughout the company, who like their routines perhaps too much, Brittany finds herself nodding along. They’re all changes that Brittany can easily see making the flow backstage so much smoother, and she briefly wonders why they haven’t always been doing it, but then she remembers their old production stage manager and how absentminded Holly can sometimes be and she’s not all that surprised. Their old production stage manager was a little all over the place, to say the least, and while Holly is an amazing director, but she doesn’t quite have the focused, meticulous, mechanical brain needed for stage managing. It’s refreshing to have a production stage manager that, despite having stepped foot in the theatre for the very first time about forty-eight hours ago, obviously seems to know what she’s doing.

The topic changes as Santana and Quinn address some of the dance corps, and Brittany finds herself tuning out of the conversation in favour of staring at Santana. She should probably be paying attention, but Santana does this cute little furrowed brow thing when someone interrupts her and Brittany kind of wants to smooth it out. She also talks with her hands a lot, and Brittany finds her eyes drawn to the movement of her arms as she gestures around or fiddles with her notebook. She’s completely lost to admiring Santana’s quiet grace in her movements when dark eyes catch on hers suddenly and something jolts up her spine, starting near her tailbone and tingling up towards the base of her skull as she sits up a little taller. She thinks maybe Santana’s just scanning the crowd and Brittany happened to see her when she glanced in Brittany’s general direction, but Santana’s eyes linger unmistakably on hers and it makes heat crawl, hot and prickling, under her skin until she’s pretty sure she’s blushing all the way down to her bellybutton. It’s been a very long time since Brittany got caught staring at a pretty girl, and she desperately pretends that her complexion doesn’t allow everyone to see exactly how fiercely she’s blushing.

Mercedes nudges her with her arm, smirking deeply as she glances between Santana and her, and Brittany curses herself for getting caught staring not just by Santana, but by her best friend as well. She’s pretty sure that she hasn’t felt this embarrassed to be caught staring at a girl since she was only questioning her sexuality in high school, and it doesn’t help that she knows that Mercedes is going to give her the third degree and relentlessly tease her as soon as they’re alone in her dressing room before the evening show. Mercedes continues to smirk at her even as Brittany resolutely refuses to acknowledge her; the worst thing about this is that she won’t even be able to escape from her best friend’s teasing after she leaves the theatre considering that Mercedes’ bedroom is about fifteen feet from her own.

She refocuses on the conversation as soon as she feels like she’s not about to burst into flames and Santana is asking if there’s any questions. Quinn winces beside her, as does half the company, while the only person who ever has ‘questions’ shoots her hand into the air, almost before Santana finishes talking. A wave of stifled groans goes through the company as Santana points at Rachel, whose arm is ramrod straight; Brittany’s been in ballet for almost as long as she’s been walking, and even her posture isn’t as straight as Rachel’s arm when she has a question.

“Yes, I was wondering if you have given any thought to changing the cast lineups to include more of the under-appreciated talent in this room. I would be willing to offer—”

“I’m sorry,” Santana interrupts, looking politely annoyed, “You are?”

Rachel draws herself up with an affronted air, and this time the company doesn’t try even hide their collective groan. “Rachel Berry, Marie’s understudy. I’m sure you’ve heard of me already.”

Santana glances at Quinn in barely concealed confusion, but Quinn just widens her eyes and subtly shakes her head.

“My talents, and I am sure you must be well aware of them, are wasted unless I am on stage in the spotlight,” Rachel continues without prompting. “My star shines too bright and it is a misuse of my talents to keep them hidden away in a lowly understudy roll—”

“Do you— Do you know what an understudy is?” Santana asks, her bewildered tone completely betraying her polite expression.

“Of course I know what an understudy is,” Rachel says haughtily, “As I’m sure everyone here knows, I was on Broadway in the prestigious revival of Funny Girl.”

“Yeah, for like a second,” Brittany mutters. Beside her, Mercedes and Sam snort and choke back their laughter.

Rachel continues to ramble, and Santana continues to look adorably baffled before she finally blinks out of her daze. “Look,” she interrupts loudly, waiting until Rachel awkwardly trails off, “I didn’t do the casting, I have no clue how well you dance, but I trust that Holly casted the correct people for the job, and I’m more than certain Tina’s earned her spot. And besides that, I have nothing to do with Tina’s ability to perform on any given day, and unless she calls in sick or injured, you will not be going on as Marie. As is standard of any understudy.”

“Yes, but—” Rachel starts. Brittany meets Tina’s eyes across the heads of people, and the pure, unfiltered annoyance in them as she rolls them at Brittany makes her bite down, almost painfully, on her lip so she doesn’t giggle too loud.

“No buts,” Santana says, her voice slowly growing more curt and clipped, “this is how shows are run. You are the understudy, you only go on if the principal cannot. Shows have done this for like, literally, a century. And I don’t know why you don’t know this, or why you seem to think I don’t understand how theatre works and will just put you on whenever you feel like it. But I have a feeling you aren’t going on unless Tina comes down with the bubonic plague.”

Rachel continues to argue, starting to criticize Santana’s running of the show and her experience, and as Rachel starts to move on to Santana’s personal character, Brittany can tell Santana is starting to lose the calm, collected exterior she’s had all meeting. Brittany leans back in her chair and surveys the room, sensing the rest of the company starting to shift around and glance at each other, and waiting for her opening. Sure, she hates Rachel as much as the next sane person, and she’s usually really good at just zoning her out, but she forces herself to pay attention to whatever is coming out of Rachel’s mouth because Santana’s far too cute to lose her temper in front of the entire company on just her second day.

The next time Rachel takes a breath to continue her rambling, Brittany tilts her head and dons her practiced look of confusion. “Does anyone else hear that? It sound like a cat getting its temperature taken,” she calls, just loud enough to be heard by the company, “All I can hear is screaming.”

There’s a small wave of chuckles that go throughout the room, and a small wave of oh it’s just Brittany being Brittany eye rolls too, but it shocks Rachel enough that she stops talking, her mouth freezing half open. Quinn takes the moment to quickly clap her hands together and dismiss everyone, and Rachel’s complaints are lost to a crowd of people quickly standing and trying to escape the room.

Brittany barely notices, because Santana’s amused and relieved dark eyes have landed on hers, and Brittany’s stomach flips over as Santana offers her a small smile, mouthing thank you across the room.

Santana has dimples and her nose scrunches up when she smiles, and Brittany’s pretty sure she’s already a goner.

The evening show goes even better than the matinee, and though there’s some slight confusion at the top of the first act, by the time intermission rolls around the backstage traffic is far less congested than usual thanks to Santana’s suggestions. Brittany can’t help the touch of smugness that colours her smile as she heads back to her dressing room while she listens to the gossip, which has changed from how surprised everyone is with Santana not completely failing to how impressed they are with her improvements. Sure, it’s not like the changes were Brittany’s own ideas or anything, but she feels like one of the only people who never doubted Santana for a second, and she’s proud that Santana’s proved them all wrong in less than twelve hours.

As soon as she reaches her dressing room, Mercedes is already there waiting for her. She helps Brittany out of her costume and tiara, before carefully unpinning her hair even though she doesn’t have to, while Brittany fights to peel her bodysuit and tights off, tossing them in the general direction of her tiny closet before carelessly peeling off the tape around her toes and dunking her feet in the bucket of ice by her couch. She hisses at the instant relief, and Mercedes just laughs and shakes her head.

“I gotta drop Sam off at his apartment a little early today,” Mercedes says, “Do you want me to swing around and pick you up after?” Brittany nods quickly; she ices her feet after almost every show, but the cold never fails to shock her body and steal her ability to speak. Mercedes tosses her the sweater she wore to the theatre, and Brittany quickly pulls it over her head, shivering as the cold seems to creep along her veins. Mercedes starts to head for the door, but suddenly stops and glances back at Brittany with a wicked smile. “Don’t think you’re getting out of talking about what happened at the meeting today, Britt-Britt,” she teases. Brittany groans and, despite the cold, she feels heat crawl under her skin again. Mercedes chuckles at her and waves her goodbyes as leaves, leaving the door cracked open. As soon as she’s gone, Brittany leans forward for her phone, quickly lighting it up to check her messages. There’s a couple promotional emails and a notification from instagram, but nothing from her mom, and she has to remind herself that no news is good news.

Movement from the hallway catches her eye and Brittany glances at the door, only spotting a flash of black as someone walks past. She briefly hopes it’s Santana, partially because she wants to talk to her and congratulate on the shows today, and partially because she wants to feel that same bright lifting feeling she did last night when she showed up in her dressing room doorway, but mostly because she has something to give her.

As soon as her teeth start chattering she realizes that the ache of cold has been replaced by the numb feeling that means she probably left her feet in the ice too long, and she quickly draws them out to dry them and pull on her warmest pair of socks. She takes her time wiping her makeup off and slipping into her comfiest and most worn pair of sweats just as she hears a knock at the door. She calls her invitation and hears the door creak open as she turns to greet her visitor, fighting down the flash of hope that curls beneath her sternum, which proves fruitless when she sees that it is Santana standing there just like she hoped. She’s wearing a cute leather jacket, a red scarf looped loosely around her neck, looking ready to head home for the evening, but what really catches Brittany’s attention is the small smiling playing on Santana’s lips.

“No banging shoes tonight?” Santana asks in lieu of greeting.

Brittany grins. “Wasn’t on the schedule,” she replies with a teasing shrug, “I didn’t work them too hard tonight.” Santana grins and hovers in the doorway, and it’s only then that Brittany notices the notebook in her hands. “You doing notes tonight?” she asks.

Santana starts a little and blinks away her surprise, seeming a little surprised by the notebook in her hands for a moment before she recovers. “Oh, god no, I just came down to see Tina quickly,” she laughs, “I barely had time to breathe during the show, let alone focus on doing any notes.” She holds up the notebook with a small smile. “Tina just gave me this in celebration of my first official show. It’s kind of a tradition.”

Brittany grins. “That’s cute,” she says. “It must be nice having people at the theatre you already know.”

Santana nods and her smile turns fond and a little nostalgic. “Tina and I were roommates all throughout college,” she explains, “And then she started dating Mike in our third year, and they’ve been nauseating adorable and loved up ever since.”

“They’ve been dating for that long?”

Santana laughs, leaning against the doorframe. “Oh yeah. If you think they’re bad now, you should have seen them when they just had crushes on each other through our second year. Adorable? Absolutely. Annoying oblivious? Definitely.” Brittany giggles. Tina and Mike are the most stable couple she knows, inside the company and out, but now she kind of wishes she could have known them before they got together. “They’ve been my best friends ever since,” Santana says, and though she rolls her eyes a little Brittany can see the fondness crinkling her eyes and tugging at her lips.

“That’s sweet,” Brittany says.

Santana shrugs a little and brushes it off with an embarrassed, “Yeah, well,” before straightening up a little. “Are you heading out soon?” Brittany barely has time to blink before Santana gets this bright, breathless, wide-eyed look and she starts talking again. “I mean— Because I’m on my way and Tina’s already gone so. I figured I’d check with you and— You know, see if you needed company,” she finishes lamely.

Brittany’s not quite sure if there’s a more adorable person on the planet, and she quickly assures Santana that, yes, she was just leaving too. She gathers her coat and shrugs it on, tugging a hat over her ears and sliding into her sneakers before heading to the door, collecting her wallet and phone from the coffee table on her way. Santana takes a step backwards down the hall to let Brittany out and she dig her keys out of her jacket pocket so she can lock the door.

She’s just about to turn the key when she remembers the whole reason she was hoping Santana would stop by in the first place. “Wait!” she says suddenly, shoving the door back open with a little more enthusiasm than strictly necessary, the sound of the doorjamb protesting the harsh movement echoing throughout the dressing room. “I have something for you!”

Santana watches her curiously from the doorway as she rummages around on the vanity in the dark until her fingers close around what she was looking for. She quickly crosses the room again, and Santana steps out into the light of the hallway while Brittany hides her tiny gift behind her back. “I, uh, saw this today and I got it so, um, so you have something to remember your first official show by,” she rambles, quickly biting onto her lip so more words don’t escape her as she hands the gift to Santana. It’s a tiny plastic figurine she saw through a toy shop window that morning on her way to the theatre, a flat circle of painted snow with the Sugar Plum Fairy dancing in the middle, surrounded by Marie in her white nightgown and the Prince in his soldier uniform. She’s pretty sure it’s supposed to be an ornament, but she cut the ribbon off so now it’s just a simple figurine.

Santana takes it carefully from Brittany, as if it’s made of fragile glass and not toylike plastic. Her fingers trace delicately over the dancing fairy and Brittany suddenly feels heat crawl and creep under her skin. Usually she’s not this prone to blushing, if anything she prides herself on making others blush, but Santana must have some innate connection to the blood vessels in her cheeks because they always seem to be super aware of her presence.

“I know it’s— Kind of dumb or childish or whatever,” she mumbles. She’s always been told by that too many people that, even if she is a principal dancer with one of the most prestigious dance companies in North America, but she understands how important it is to rediscover how to have fun; life’s far too hard and messy and cruel to take yourself too seriously, and Brittany’s found that sometimes the only thing you can do is have fun and laugh. But people have made her feel insecure about it for so long, all the way back in middle school when having sleepovers and playing pretend with her little sister suddenly wasn’t cool anymore, that it makes her nervous to drop her caution around people other than her sister or Mercedes or Sam because they almost always disappoint her.

“No,” Santana says quickly, shaking her head sharply, and when she glances up at Brittany her eyes are shining and bright with something Brittany can’t name. “It’s perfect,” she whispers, “Thank you.”

The heat in Brittany’s cheeks continues to prickle her skin, but as she kicks one foot behind her other she already knows it has less to do with nervous embarrassment now and more to do with how bashful-giddy she feels when Santana directs that smile at her. “You’re welcome,” she murmurs, “You deserve to remember today. You did amazing.”

Santana’s eyes never leave hers even as her smile widens and she whispers her thanks again. Brittany feels too much all at once and fumbles with her keys before quickly turning to lock her door, finding Santana’s eyes still on her when she turns back around. “Shall we?” Brittany asks, gesturing down the hallway.

Santana nods quickly, finally glancing away to look at the figurine in her hand before tucking it carefully in her jacket pocket.

Brittany finds it really easy to talk to Santana as they head out of the theatre, and the earlier heat creeping under her skin starts to fade as they navigate the halls. Santana can make Brittany laugh really easily and Brittany kind of really, really likes that, but Brittany quickly finds that what she likes even more is making Santana smile, because Brittany’s never felt more accomplished than when her deadpan makes Santana’s dimples crease her cheeks, and even better than that is saying something that makes Santana toss her head back as bright carefree giggles spill forth from her.

The make it to the front lobby far sooner than Brittany wants to, and as soon as they step out into the chilly air, her phone buzzes with a text from Mercedes telling her that she’s here just as a dark SUV pulls up. “That’s my ride,” Brittany says. They both pause, still smiling at each other, until Brittany shakes herself out of her daze and whispers a quick bye as she heads for Mercedes’ SUV.

“Hey,” Santana calls just as Brittany’s hand lands on the handle of the passenger door, “Thanks, for today. You know, at the meeting.”

Brittany feels something warm and bright and fond curl in her stomach. The feeling isn’t something she’s ever really felt before, but it reminds her of camping with her parents to celebrate the first time she ever won gold a competition, when she would huddle closer to the fire until it would feel like its warmth was blooming from within her cheeks and and chest instead of from the fire itself. “You’re welcome,” she murmurs, and despite the rush of the city around them Brittany feels a little bit like it’s just them on the sidewalk for a moment. “Goodnight, Santana,” she says softly.

Those dimples crease Santana’s cheeks and makes Brittany’s breath hitch just a little. “Goodnight, Brittany.”

#brittana #brittany pierce #santana lopez #glee #brittana fanfiction #glee fanfiction #my writing #story: be my fire in the cold (and I'll be waiting by the mistletoe)#for anyone who's been following me you Know that this understudy thing gets me Heated lol

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philcphobic · 6 years ago

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[ TWO / THREE ] hello, KRIS again & this is my son CHOI TAEWOO ! he is the younger brother of @rnicohq & he Does Not belong here ... but here he is anyway ! he’s a memeber of WAIKIKIS and he’s the gang’s somewhat imcompetent thief. if you’d like to plot smash that heart & let’s create something beautiful !

[ TRIGGER WARNINGS ; ANXIETY, DEPRESSION ]

LIFE BEFORE GANG ACTIVITY !

he was born to a wealthy man and a beautiful, beautiful woman whom of which his father did not deserve … at all ! looking back on it now, taewoo doesn’t really understand how his mother could’ve fell in love with a man like him but she always told him that them meeting resulted in the best things in her life ( aka her children uwu ) and she wouldn’t trade that for the world !!!

he’s the youngest of three children, but some things aren’t meant to be. it just b like that sometimes. you see, taewoo was really young when their parents divorced, like it literally happened maybe a year or two after he was born !! unfortunately ... both of his siblings went with daddie dearest ...

so, now that he and his mother were on their own with little money to their names ( with absolutely no help from his father obviously ), they struggled financially. they stayed with his grandmother, and he began seeing less of his mom because she started working two jobs to be able to provide for the three of them.

as he grew up, taewoo always wondered why their father didn’t want to see him even part time, but that’s none of his business. he doesn’t really know why their parents just agreed to never see the children the other had, so he lowkey thought it was just always something about him specifically.

to ease his worrying, his mother always told him that their father was a bad man, and that his siblings ... wanted nothing to do with him ! they all apparently HATED him !! it made him feel ... really alone, because he would’ve liked to grow up with his siblings ... someone to teach him how to do this or that, or to hear experiences from so he knows what to do / doesn’t make the same mistakes ...

he would’ve liked to have someone to depend on other than his mom & grandma since he didn’t want to burden them.

he had heard nothing about his siblings; his mom was adamant on not telling him anything other than the fact she was mad at them ... ( this is important for later ).

on nights he wasn’t able to see his mom his grandmother always reminded him to do the best that he could in school so one day he could support his mom when she was too tired to continue working two jobs at night.

the most logical thing to do was not ask for help from anyone and let he and his mother suffer for a couple years … in turn, he worked his ass off in school to become one of the top students every year !!! however, this caused him to lack a social life since he always wanted to study, study, study ... he needed to do well, you know?

he thought if he wasn’t successful in school and didn’t eventually have a good job one day he’d be a disappoint to his mother who worked so hard for him day and night.

he also grew up resenting his father ( as he should ) & siblings since they seemed to have all the money in the world, right? he doesn’t understand why they couldn’t share !!! or try contacting him ! truth was ... grandma and mom probably blocked them out hardcore if they tried but ... taewoo wouldn’t know that; how would he?

they believed he would be better off without them. perhaps they were afraid that taewoo would get into trouble, just like his siblings did. they didn’t tell the young boy that nico disappeared from their father’s watchful eye when nico was in middle school ( taewoo was 6-8 years old !!!!! ) and that his sister also disappeared just a couple years after until several years later ...

his mother finally told him during his second year of high school, which is almost a decade after nico even went off to join his first gang ... you cannot imagine how upset he was because like ... how could she just choose to NOT tell him anything? those are his siblings ...

all taewoo had to go off of were photos all these years ... so when he saw & met nico after all this time ... instead of expressing his worry he ... let out his anger instead? he knows his brother means well now, but he is also blinded by LIES his mother told + he doesn’t really want to listen to his brother’s side either so ... taewoo is just being difficult.

it does not help that their sister is missing probably because of nico’s enemies ...

taewoo also knows it isn’t nico’s fault deep down, but he blames him anyway out of pent up confusion on his own feelings towards his brother being in his life a little more

( ANXIETY, DEPRESSION ) in all seriousness, taewoo ... struggles like ... a lot. he’s put so much on his shoulders and his heart is too soft to request for any help from anyone. it’s a lot of stress on someone young, and the worry that he’ll someday fail or that he’s doing this and that wrong constantly plague bis mind ... he underestimates himself a lot, and he overthinks everything to the point where it’s unbearable. he’s trying his best but he’s sinking faster than he’s climbing.

ENTERING GANG LIFE !

anyways, taewoo thinks he wants to be closer to his brother, and he thinks the only way to do so is by joining ... u guessed it ! a gang !!! however, taewoo also wants friends ... and since he’s never really had any before, he’s desperate ... so why tf not, right?

however ... taewoo is stupid, and met someone who wasn’t apart of rose golden and joined the WAIKIKIS instead !!! but it’s fine, because in the end he does get friendships out of it all, you know? he also hoped he could learn to be a lil more … independent? be more care free as opposed to scared of everything?

he lived his entire life in a bubble, protected from both the dangers and the wonders of the world because his goal was so straightforward. he was to do well in school, get a job that paid well so he would be able to pay his mom back for ( still, to this day ! ) working so hard to provide for the both of them; he’s never considered the option of stepping out of line in fear he’ll jeopardize his grades or something … like the nerd he is.

so he probably joined sometime after he turned 18? thank you jeno @guiltheavy for introducing him to waikikis ... even though rose golden was the goal, in hindsight, he doubts they’d accept him since he is not even close to being as wealthy as he could be to join them anyways ! plus the waikikis ... are just ... more his style ...

he really doesn’t like being in gang bc … you know … gangs do dangerous things but he’s glad that waikikis are like … super chill and not that … terrible per se. even though he’s been involved for a year you’re going to find him a scaredy cat ! super scared of doing anything dangerous — probably definitely squeaks when a gun is fired within 25 feet of him SFHJDSFND

he doesn’t belong in a gang and he knows it !!! but he’s still determined to … become one of them … even though he technically is one of them … he’s been assigned as a thief for the gang, but because of taewoo’s morals to be a good person, he’s somewhat incompetent. he’s successful in stealing, definitely, but he feels so bad he tries to return the things he’s required to steal half the time ... he believes the longer he’s in waikikis, the tougher he’ll become ...

uhhhhhhhhhh he’s a babie pls protect him ,

TAEWOO AS A PERSON !

although he doesn’t seem like it, being naive and pristine, he’s really intelligent. he lives with his nose stuck in a book, and he’s filled with so many facts that he could write his own encyclopedia. his knowledge allows him to have many different skills, despite not immediately displaying them to people ... ever. he’s got medical knowledge and he knows how to repair a range of things ... he’s not completely useless !

the thing about taewoo is that he likes knowing everything, so he learns as many things as his brain is willing to handle. first aid is something he was interested in for a long time, as he wants to one day become a doctor.

he is a university freshman studying biomedical science, and he takes school seriously. he puts school before his gang duties and no matter what, his education will ALWAYS come first. he would do anything for his mother, and he wants to succeed for her. he needs to do well in school or else he would just ... he’d be really sad ok.

in summary of taewoo, he’s 98% book smart and 2% street smart. he’s very much inexperienced and so, so naive ... but he’s trying to do better. he constantly says he’s willing to do dangerous things but he’s really scared if he actually has to do these said dangerous things … yes he’s an absolute mess.

pure to the point that it’s just sad. like i said before, he’s lived in this bubble his entire life with one goal in mind, and that did not include having even a tiny bit of a social life outside of one or two friends. like ... he’s never held anyone’s hand, never went on a date, never kissed anyone ( someone please kiss him !!!!!!!!! ), never got real hugs except from his family ( someone PLEASE hug him !!!!!!!!!!! ), never had a significant other …

don’t say any sexual innuendos around him, he will not get it !!!!!!

he’s trying his best,,, that’s what counts,,,

#pabintro #⟨ 𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐂. ╱ out of character ⟩ * 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐃𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒.#this is a MESS but idc anymore !!!!!

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tikien · 6 years ago

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#OpenLetter

An Open Letter to one of the Immeasurable Secret Mistresses of my begone Big Love:

Feel like Spread the word? Please do.

Share your thoughts? Oh yeah.

But above all, do what you, Yourself want to do with it.

Nothing is as it seems...

Xx Caroline

Hello Milly,

I am a woman of truth, I always favour truth, purity, however cold or cruel or hard the truth will be for me. It means I can then move on without wasting my time of being fooled by lies intended to preserve my feelings.

I do not have any control over your behaviour and I absolutely have no desire to carry that burden.

But I refuse, I will not tolerate, not indulge your disrespect for my children and me, ánd indirectly for all of my dearest ones who I love. (Not to mention your children, your parents, your 'loved' ones, the world where we live in.)

Your rudeness Milly, your dishonour, your inpurity, indelicacy. Your betrayal for all those years, it is dísgusting to me Caroline, a woman you don't know 'Kak' about. But what you dó know, is that you were cocksucking my husband and screwing around with him for years!

You were my backyard neighbour. You lived and sneaked around behind my back, literally backbiting. Twisted story this, but don't worry bearded darnel, to me, you, is only a small piece of my total reality.

The day my husband started cheating on me, by having disgraceful frustrated sex with a forever unenlightened number of women and with you, he started to take home theirs and your sick negative energy. Into my life! Into my home! Affecting my everyone! And affecting my everything.

At first you two met at your secret meeting point, the fishing spot. And while others around you were having real fish pleasure (and getting free performance) you were fishing rotten fish, in my pole.

Not to speak of your pathetic text messages when approaching my husband. Like the code-sign which you two agreed.

Luckily you do not have a partner to hide for.

The secret-code-sign was to use the . (the point), when the initiative was yours. My husband then would always have an excuse like: "Oh that's someone workrelated, it was probably unintentionally."

(Note: I've read my husband named you 'Trackreceipt'-and then mentioned-'the name of a big workrelated company' in his phonecontacts. He also identified you as 'AaaaaFucker', 'Overaged cocksucking whore', 'Assfucker', 'Suckwhore' and so on. Most recent your label was only 'Whore'. Sorry for the awful accurate words, I just read history.)

Well, the pointless points . .

You texted a lot of unintentional ones . .

Childish cleverness.

But it must feel exciting right? To have that bond? Oeehhh a little secret-code-sign between just the two of you, between you and my husband?

Later on you got more confident (misplaced). Texted him things like "Fishing game?" and "You have my heart". Or did you mean "My hell is yours"?

You felt secure enough then to get your knees dirty and fooling around with him at your own place.

Just a couple of meters distanced from you, literally behind your back, I was there, at home, waiting my husband to come home late from work. Oftentimes proudly yearning for my 'hardworking dedicated' husband.

If I had only watched my back I could have smelled, heard and seen you two fuck buddies. A perfect Satire!

Eventually you had no dignity at all anymore. You felt entitled to enter and to fuck up My Home!

Do wrong to no one Milly!

And let me be very clear again: Never Ever enter my property, or even put one foot in my garden and in my house ever again!

You watched and spied on my husband our kids and me. For so many times.

I saw you once, watching us getting into our car. Openly spying at us. (secretly eyeballing). Hanging on your balcony while smoking a cigarette and patting your cat. With that smile on your face full of misplaced courage and selfishness and your imprudent bodylanguage. Now it all makes sense to me. It was too risky for him to look back, hein? Ánd you knew, it made you feel excited, powerful, what a sick mind games.

Did it make you feel great to 'have' that power?Did it make you feel happy? Didn't you think of our emotional wellbeing at all? That was totally not in your interest, right?

What do you feel every morning when you wake up? Are you capable of taking a real look into your own eyes in the mirror? To look at your soul, who you are for real? That includes your darkside.

Well, do you love yourself? As a human being? As a mother? Maybe a grandmother? As a daughter? Do you love yourself as a friend? As a secret mistress? Do you?

And do your loved ones know about the pure Milly? How you live your life for real? Or is it all fake what's in your life?

Do they know that your ego, your self-interest is your foundation of morality?

If they don't, they cannot help you and you will always continue to live your life feeling empty and lonely. Loveless loneliness causes addiction and if you can't bond with other people you'll bond with the source of your addiction.

As you know already I unexpectedly caught you in flagrante delicto recently.

Seeing you skilled sneakin' through the bushes, entering my house by the backyard. And flee out of my frontdoor, like a trapped thieve, after I entered my own house by the back, out of the blue.

What the Heck you think you were doing?!

The minute I left my Home with my children, out of necessity, you thought you had a Chinese bucket to enter my property more freely? And enjoy my house more and more?Which still should be the save and peacefull home of my child!

You really thought you had a free ticket to infect the love in my house which was put in by my loved ones and by me?

Enjoying your stolen time and drinking the liquors which I brought into my home? Malibu mixed with orangejuice is what you drink, isn't it.

The sexual slackness you had with my husband has little to do with being conscious, and no love at all.

Sexual intercourse, being intimate with someone should balance each other, sharing tenderness, gentleness, sensitivity, pure vulnerability, trust, acceptance, respect. Grounding an inner connection, strengthening a boundless soul bond, and creating more unrestrained pure extased love energy.

Sex divorced from love is the thief of personal dignity.

Did you really think you had my permission to befilth and pollute my house with your unhealthy body and your unhealthy soul?

You knew better all along, referring to your way of entering my house, pourly dressed and experienced-bush-worming.

Respect other people's feelings Milly, even if it doesn't mean anything to you, it could mean the world to them.

And maybe, maybe you have to speak it out loud. Look at yourself in front of the mirror and say it:

"I am Milly, I am 50+ and I sneak through bushes. I am a practicing christian and I secretly enter and pollute a place where I do not belong at all. I know I hurt others because of my desire for sins, but I do it anyway just to meet up my fuckboy. I am proud to be a secret mistress!"

How does that feel? To be honest with yourself? That's what it is.

You two had real great times hanky-panky in my house, hein! Suck facing, roughhousing, having tear-jerking-fairy-tale-junkfood-dinners-for-2, under my cosy sheltered porch.Drinking some vanish-all-boundaries-booze by heavenly candlelight. Did you take a good look at the light? Did you stare into the flame? And at the picture? The picture shining next to this always burning candle?

The picture of my deceased father, me and your secret fuckboy? How shameless romantic, getting off by that. Disgraceful sickening.

You have serious problems Milly. You're not healthy, and by saying that I mean you have mental issues (and therefore also physical inconveniences). You have no self-respect, no self-esteem, no self-love and no dignity at all.

What about your infantile loveletter you put so brutally in the car of my husband?

Your words, and a red heart with a stethoscope on it, printed on paper.

That's a good advice for you Milly: To listen closely to your heart and maybe you should use the stethoscope. It is often used to listen to heart sounds.

Within the letter you put a golden key with a red ribbon on it.

And your words to him:

"The key is to use to the entrance of my heart, might you ever need it don't hasitate. For a fishing-game on the familiar place. You will always be here, if you'll ever come or not. Think of you. Your secret mistress."

So, it's necessary to use a golden key with a red ribbon, to open your heart? Wow! Amazing!!! My heart Milly, is freely accessible for love, no key needed.

The familiar place? The fishing-you-and-cocksucking-my-husband-in-a car-spot is a well known (read: save and happy) place for you? For a woman of your age, are you happy by that circumstances? Seriously?

Your secret mistress? Uou must be very proud of yourself, hein? Nicknaming yourself his secret mistress to him. Is that what you admire? Or desire? Betrayal and secrecy. Superb Milly, really magnificent. Noteworthy!

You sneaked around my home, putting your hopeless non-attractive-begging-for-the-wrong-attention-love-letter into his car, while we probably were asleep next to each other, only a couple of meters distanced from you. Inglorious humiliating.

How does it feel to walk willingly into a dark path? It seems so unsophisticated to me and without any shame. Rotten and greedy.

What did you feel when you heard of our divorce? You felt delighted? Finally, after all those years? Whoohooeewww. The party is on. And when you noticed our home went for sale? Ohhh yeah!

Does it make you feel blessed?

Knowing that you are partly responsable too, by inflicting your pain on others? Are you happy with the havoc you created? And don't you care about the people whose lives you have shattered?

No guilt? And now? While you read this, does is still make you feel delighted? Satisfied by your desires?

Always be honest with yourself Milly, so you can learn to respect yourself, to love yourself and to have some self-worth, Amour Propre.

For real, you must feel miserable being a fossil fuckgirl. It makes you lose your values, your character, reality and it isn't love at all. You gained lies, deceit and stolen affections which didn't ever belong to you.

Right after the moment I caught you red-handed, skulduggery in my house, I waylaid you at the back. Waiting for you to pass by on your pussyfooting way back home.

And there, after a couple of minutes, I saw you in distance. Walking towards me like a waddling duck and shiffling forward slowly. An insecure piece of human full of guilt, head pointed down and slumbed hunched shoulders of poor confidence, untruthfullness and pain.

'Flawless Miss Piggy on her too highly raised heels off the ground' and ‘Nellie hippo squeezed in 2 floating rings to keep her from drowning', were crossing my mind for a moment. Poor you. I felt your sadness and shame so deeply it overwhelmed me. The extreme sad anger, the negative energy you exposed almost made me puke.

When I stared into your eyes I saw they're coloured rarely and extremely beautiful, but not like a turquoise sea, which could be. There is no peace in your eyes Milly, your eyes didn't look pretty at all. What your eyes exposed to me made me feel godforsaken miserable.

I told you that very moment never to put one step, one foot, ever again in my garden or in my house again. Ever again!

I was very clear to you Milly: I forbid you to ever enter my property again.

You said you understood. Yeah, sure you understood. Shameless you. Leave your own shit in your own shithole and don't drop it in my place.

You do not have any respect for me or others. You dishonour my being because of your own selfish desires. It's embarrassing you're that desperate.

Let me stir up this textmessage, a message from you to my then husband: "Ready soon to fish I hope, I'm waiting my parents to leave".

This is the respect you have for your parents?Being busy with your fuckboy while they're in your presence? And hoping them to leave soon because of your desire for fish? Unbelievable. You actually should have to enjoy the precious moments of reality and be thankfull they're still in your life, for such a long time.

Did they harm you in anyway? Didn't they show you good moral behaviour? That, if you're about to do something and you want to know if it's a bad idea, you should project it on yourself first?

Do the right thing Milly, even when no one is watching, it is called integrity.

The relationship you set with yourself sets the tone for every other relationship in your life, you have with anyone. So, see every problem in your life as a lesson for you to make yourself stronger, more loveable, happier. Thén you'll never have to play the roll of the victim.

That's where you good at right, playing the victim? Hoping that it's giving you the attention you desire for? It's not ever gonna make you happy.

Desire, Lies and Secrets are like a cancer to the soul. It eats away what's good and leaves only destruction behind.

Have you ever really questioned yourself? What you were doing? And what the concequences could be? Also for other people, who don't want to be involved? Which you knew all along, but you left them no choice. My children? Your children? My parents? Your parents? My siblings and their families? Yours? My sincere friends? Your friends? All of my dear ones who are in my heart? Me myself?!

You inflamed love, kindness, temperance, humility, wisdom, respect, diligence, patience, justice, trust, self-temperance, innocence, acceptence, courage, believes, hopes, grace, caritas and so on an on.

People like you Milly are a pain in the arse, a plague, by protecting the purity of children. Children must not be cursed by emotional immature harmful and abusive 'adults' like you. By you poisonned beings. You bedevilled their purity. You sparked off a piece of their childhood. Giving them the inescapable burden of seeing their parents' grieve which they cannot understand at all.

Do you think children have the ability to see the light in the fact that there are people in this world who harm innocent people who they don't know because of their own ego? That these people can even be your own neighbours or your loved ones? Do you think they can cope shit like this?

Sounds really logical hein? Who wouldn't understand?

Lots of 'grown-ups' do not even have the awareness of understanding the poisoning conduct of people like you, people who suffer from mental disorder.

How did you guide your children good moral in life without them seeing any?

Do you realize how much strength it costs? Strugling every day to stay pure, strong, loveable and unconditional? As a mama? As a sister? As a friend? As a daughter? As a human being? To be a happy person? Who loves life? Pulling yourself out of a poisonous situation with someone you loved so deeply? Do you have any idea?

I think you do know the feeling, the feeling of being deeply betrayed yourself. That has happened to you in the past right?

But you never were strong enough to face yourself and no courage to search in your own past, finding out what causes your pain.

Instead of getting better you got bitter. You started to inflict your pain on others, in your selfish pursuit of your own satisfaction of ignorance.

It is a working-your-ass-off-duty, an almost-unbearable-mind-growing-battle, a very-lonely-bewildered-struggle-not-being-able-to-verbalize-properly.

I can tell you that for sure Milly, as an 'experience-expert'.

So, don't ruin other people's happiness just because you can't find your own. And before hurting others, ask yourself what is really hurting you.

I have viewed your social media to see if I could learn. You remember this post you shared with the whole world?

"You can't change the world but you can make a difference."

Is this the difference you want make Milly Making this world a little more rotten?

Practice what you preach or change your speech.

This world would be a better place to live in, if we learn not to play with heads and hearts of others. If we stop hurting peoples' feelings. If we all make ourselfs strong enough never to lie, no matter what the situation is. If only we all would learn to be true.

I read you are a daughter of god, a practicing christian, a pearl in God's hand? “You know that the Father knows you? You know that you are of value? You know that you're a pearl? A pearl in God's hand!"

Do you know the deeper meaning behind this Milly? Read about it. Is that the base of your morality?

Your profilepic and some other recognizable selfies made me wonder.

Why do you share your selfies on social media after sending this exact selfies first to my then husband? With your sweet tooth texts. I mean the ones you made with my husband in your thoughts or in your presence, you know? To show the world how happy you 'seem' just seconds after you went down on him? And to receive compliments (read: get false validation) of how beautiful you 'look' in that state.

Nothing is as it seems right?

Black can appear white when the light is blinding but white loses all luster at the faintest sign of darkness....I know.

And what about all the other things you carry, which cannot bear the daylight and are still hidden in the dark? Waiting to be found by you or to be taken into your grave someday? Your secrets, that are no big deal to anyone but to yourself.

You as a christian should benefit the precious advantage you have versus heathen. The ten commandments: very simple but very valuable fundamental guidelines, to live your life meaningful based on ethics and worship. And the seven Holy virtues, they cure the seven Capital sins, didn't you know?

You should take benefit from it and use this to leg-up properly. Mortal sin, I guess, is a refusal of God's offer to live and love. It's a sign of emotional immaturity, abusive and it should never be excused or tolerated. You are a pathatic lost woman who really needs help.

Everybody makes mistakes, through all of our lifes. And we all do some things sometimes we are ashamed of and regretting afterwards. But mistakes Milly, mistakes are meant for learning not for repeating.

There are going to be very painful moments in your life that will change your entire world in a matter of minutes. These moments will change you. Let these moments change you a stronger, smarter, kinder woman. Not a selfdestructing one who tears herself and others down.

Feel offended Milly? Insulted? Ashamed? Hurt? Humiliated? If so, realize it's your warning indicator showing you where to look within yourself for unresolved issues.

All of this is my perception, my opinion, the truth is whatever you think is true, I can only make you think.

But for you Milly I hope, just for your own sake, that you'll once be brave enough, strong enough and pure enough to change your heart of stone for a heart of flesh.

Love comes in miracles every day, like weakening the strong, challenging the weak, making fools of the wise, and wise ones of fools, favouring passions and obsessions, destroying reason, and in other words Love is turning tables every day.....

My sarcastic mirror of your own rudeness. Provoked to go love yourself. It is my gift to you Milly. A taste of your own medicine.

Wholeheartedly,

Caroline

What’s The point⚫️

#Soul #Food

#Typography

#Vintage #Romantic #FairyTale #Past

#Pure # Life #Humble #Grateful #LOL

#Heart #Art #DIY #Fashion

#Love #All #Initsway

#Truth #Strengthen #Nourish #Reinforce

#Paradox #You #Choose

#Bitter #Better #Lovable

#OneLove #BobMarley

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thenightling · 7 years ago

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My favorite Neil Gaiman fiction based headcanons and Conspiracy theories

(I am not good at photoshop or I would add a little Morpheus to that UFO or in place of the UFO.)

Disclaimer: Some of these are not to be taken too seriously. It’s all in fun. I’ve put them in a semi-order of favorite conspiracies and headcanons. Some are serious, some not so serious. It should be easy to tell them apart.

20. While Morpheus was recovering at The House of Mystery in Issue 2 of Sandman, Cain and Abel felt the need to update him on all that he had missed in the last century. For them this mostly entailed the plots and casting of Hammer Horror movies.

19. This one is kind of wishful thinking. The deal Morpheus made with Johanna Constantine to find and rescue his head-son had not only entailed protecting her from her nightmares but also saved her soul from any bad bargains she might have made. She is now a resident of The Dreaming.

18. (This one was contributed by Megan Loughlin). The Hempstock family name being used in both The Graveyard Book and The Ocean at the End of the Lane might be a family connection transcending books. The family name is also in Stardust.

17. Are the Hempstocks an aspect of The Triple Goddess? The Three-in-One. Hecate / Kindly Ones, ect... Lettie: Maiden. Ginnie: Mother. Old Mrs. Hempstock: Crone. (This one was also contributed by Megan Loughlin).

16. There are two possible reasons Morpheus (Sandman) won’t dance. 1. A very traumatic event that we will one day become privy to or 2. He’s just really, really awkward and embarrassed by it. Either way I suspect Desire knows the truth.

15. A certain red ruby dreamstone has found it’s way into other stories...

14. Death (Sandman) is trying to be optimistic about Mary Poppins Returns and really hopes it’s good.

13. The Beldam of Coraline is a rogue nightmare (ala Sandman) who has created her own dream dimension or pocket dimension to fulfill her evil schemes with mortal children.

12. The villain in The Sleeper and The Spindle is directly related to the villain in Stardust, possibly a sister. The evil stepmother Snow White suffered was one as well.

11. The rule that if an Endless falls in love with a mortal it means doom for the mortal is actually very easily circumvented if you’re clever enough and determined enough. Where there’s a will there’s a way and there are loopholes everywhere. This is true with magical bargains as well.

10. Death talked Morpheus into watching certain movies with her in the early 90s. Morpheus really liked Nightmare before Christmas a lot but pretended to be indifferent to it. (He also probably watched it again when he was alone).

9. I did not come up with this particular one but I’m starting to believe it. All of Neil Gaiman’s fiction writing actually is set in the same multiverse if not universe.

8. The cat in Coraline is actually Morpheus (Sandman). This is why he only talks to Coraline when she’s dreaming. (See Number 13).

7. Islington (Neverwhere) is of the same continuity where Lucifer quit ruling Hell, hence his statement “Lucifer was an idiot. He wound up lord and master of nothing at all.” It was not just about Lucifer’s failed plan to take over Heaven. If it was about Lucifer’s plan to take on the forces of Heaven then “Lord and master of nothing all” would not be valid if Lucifer is still ruling Hell, right? That means it has to be the continuity where Lucifer quit ruling Hell.

6. Lucifer has a potentially unhealthy crush on Morpheus and secretly misses him. This is why he flashes back to him so often in his own solo comics.

5. (Sleeper and the Spindle related) Due to Snow White’s fondness for wolves she has since formed a meaningful relationship with the version of Little Red Riding Hood from Angela Carter’s The Company of Wolves.

4. The person in Crazy hair is secretly Morpheus.

3. This was a fun one I wrote as a joke but someone here on Tumblr ruined it for me by taking it too seriously and sent me messages accusing me of being mentally ill. Anyway: Morpheus is not dead but actually retired to Earth and is living as a mortal author.

2. Hope is alive. Read Sandman Overture very carefully. There are portions told by Hope in a sort of journal to her deceased father. This might mean nothing at all but look carefully at the scene on the “Dream Ship.” She’s keeping her journal even there. At what point did little ghost Hope have time to jot down what was to happen in her journal? The only explanation is she wrote it after the fact and is likely recorporealized instead of not existing in the current timeline as Morpheus thought. Morpheus (tragically) thinks his universe is devoid of Hope (which really explains his outlook). But she’s there. He just doesn’t realize it.

1. And my number one favorite Neil Gaiman conspiracy theory is... Morpheus is alive. (Sandman). Saying this might be controversial but I love this theory and I’m not letting it go, damn it! And part of me hopes one day it’s proven to be canon.

I’m putting on my tinfoil hat for this one.

I have many reasons to think Morpheus isn’t dead- all based on in-canon circumstances but my biggest piece of evidence is Robert AKA Hob’s dream. After Morpheus’ death Hob dreams of him. Now, it’s perfectly normal to dream of a dead loved one but how did this come to pass?

Did Daniel create a dream incarnation of Morpheus and if so does that mean that creation IS Morpheus? Or did Morpheus fake his death all together? He deceived the Aesir with an illusion for Loki’s sake once. If he died and was brought back via Daniel that means the Kindly Ones carried out their vengeance AND Morpheus is free of having to be Dream of The Endless... for now.

Take note of one extraordinary detail about the dream. Morpheus is with Destruction in the dream. Now Destruction’s ambition has been to become a force of creation or of change so let’s assume he’s more or less achieved this. Morpheus walking with him is not Morpheus walking with Destruction so much as literally embracing change. If the options were “Change or die” here is proof he chose change.

Now this detail of Destruction’s presence is extraordinary for one other reason. Hob did not know about Destruction’s connection with Morpheus. He recognized him as a street painter he saw once. That is all. That means this cannot just be a dream. (”It’s never just a dream.”) Why is this crucial and key moment taken for granted?

0. Daniel and Morpheus are two sides of the same coin, equal but opposite halves. Soulmates. They need each other to exist. One simply cannot be without the other. The two must (and secretly do) coexist. Daniel’s not Morpheus’ replacement facet. He’s his reflection. And that is the greatest conspiracy of them all. Daniel needs Morpheus. Morpheus needs Daniel. The Dreaming will only function properly when both rule, together.

#Sandman #The Sandman #Neil Gaiman #Neil Gaiman's Sandman #Neil Gaiman's The Sandman #Lucifer #Lucifer Morningstar #Coraline #Neverwhere #Morpheus #Dream #Dream of The Endless #Daniel #Daniel Hall #Sandman Universe #The Sandman Universe #The Sleeper and The Spindle #Sleeper and The Spindle

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