#anyways I'm stuck in bed because my body hates me have this <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[fastcardotmp3]

cw: substance abuse, addiction, stobin drugging-related PTSD I'm home sick and found this fully written in my drafts? from march?? apparently?

Steve and Robin, who make jokes about that time we did LSD like it's a funny anecdote to the point where no one knows the actual context of the situation.

(Dustin and Erica would know, if Steve and Robin weren't still self aware enough to decidedly not make jokes about it where those two can hear)

(But still.)

Steve and Robin, who only trust a drink if it comes from the other, who trade off sober duties even if someone else is already designated driver because it's not the same as making sure one of them always has their wits about them.

Steve and Robin who, in the very immediate aftermath of Starcourt, develop two drastically different relationships with substances-- Robin who is detrimentally afraid of the glass of wine her parents sometimes offer her on special occasions versus Steve who can and will try everything available to him just to prove again and again that it was never going to kill him even if he felt like he was dying at the time.

They self destruct in equal but opposite ways for the rest of that first summer before the looking out for each other starts, before the coping via humor starts, before the decision to just call it LSD Steve because if I have to try and process that it was something that I can't read and learn about on top of everything else--

It's not like it ever leaves them though, this way that this specific trauma has fucked them up.

(It's not like Dustin and Erica don't notice, no matter how hard their friends try to hide it.)

It's not like there's anything they can do about it when Steve relapses and goes on a bender that has him losing a whole day of time and waking up to Robin checking his heart rate or when Robin thinks she's in a good enough headspace to do shots with their friends and ends up on the floor of another dirty bathroom with Steve holding her hair back, less from the booze and more from all the hyperventilating, the tears that won't stop until long after she's sober.

(It's not like people don't notice when Robin's jokes about their little LSD trip get pointed on nights Steve's had a bit too much, or how Steve cuts her off from making those jokes at all on nights her hands can't steady around a plastic cup; it's not like they could hide anything from people like this, who hunt monsters and solve mysteries and swallow horrors like the smoothest of whiskeys.)

(It's not like Dustin hasn't gone to Eddie when he gets worried, even if he never spills the whole story. It's not like Erica hasn't asked Nancy unsubtle questions about how to help people with dependency issues. It's not like Eddie and Nancy haven't spoken their own concerns into the quiet dark of night over crackling phone lines where no one else can hear.)

There are nights like this and they happen like clockwork, nights in the little house in Indy for which only two of them are technically on the lease but four and then six and sometimes a whole gaggle of high schoolers still pass through like transients every weekend.

There are nights like this, when the youngest of their ranks aren't around and the booze flows freely and they're out on the porch watching the sun set late with the lift and pull of summertime, when a conversation goes sour with a comment that betrays something that has yet to be spoken aloud.

Steve and Robin.

Steve and Robin who have clearly been through something the rest of them aren't privy to; Steve and Robin who mention it offhandedly without any proper details; Steve and Robin who are hurting right there in front of them and how are they supposed to help how are any of them supposed to--

"Okay, that's it--"

"Nance..."

It's Eddie's warning tone but it's also Jonathan giving her that look from where he's perched on the porch rail and it's also the sudden tension in Robin's brow and confusion in Argyle's and something painfully close to resignation in Steve's.

But this is Nancy Wheeler. It's a miracle she's let them go on like this for as long as she already has.

"No, I'm over the secrets," she shakes her head once, definitive, and levels her gaze on those twin hearts curled together on the porch swing. "You two are going to tell us what happened to you-- who hurt you-- and we're going to fucking fix it."

Steve and Robin, who lean impossibly closer into each other's space.

Steve and Robin, looking ready to bolt.

Steve and Robin, who don't look hopeful for any sort of fixing.

But it's not like it was going to stay unspoken forever.

[uitzinnigmp3]

,

[pboogerswbb]

TOO LOST IN YOU - pt II

Paige Bueckers x bartender!oc

Warnings: toxic!paige, language, some sexual thoughts but no smut in this one (sorry guys), paige is an asshole fr

Wordcount: 4.9k (sorry)

A/N: i got so much love and so many people asking for more after the first part <3 ty all i'm so grateful! this will likely be around 7 parts so please buckle up lol. ALSO I'M SORRY FOR NO SMUT but let me cook guys it'll get good. the point of this part is to get inside paige's head and understand why she is the way she is, things will speed up in the next part i swear. OK GO READ ILYSM MWAH

-

It’s hard being Paige Bueckers. Not every 23-year-old had to deal with the kind of pressure I did. Most of the time it felt like the whole world was watching me, waiting for me to fail. It used to bother the shit out of me but after all the injuries, everything I’ve been through, I thrived on it. I knew I would prove them wrong - prove that I’m great, that I’m me. Just like my dad would tell me, over and over again. I knew I was great, so greatness was expected. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t come with a great deal of pressure. I always said pressure is a privilege. But sometimes when I lay in bed alone after a game, even a win, the pressure consumed me. I didn’t like to be alone. So I went around different girls’ beds, like they meant nothing. Because they didn’t - they were just a distraction from my own mind. Like I said, it’s hard being Paige Bueckers - hard being me.

“You okay babe?”

I’m shaken out of my thoughts, returning back to earth, back to the small bed I was lying in. The brunette next to me nuzzles her nose into my arm, watching me with that look I knew too well. Like she wanted something from me. I hated when girls looked at me like that.

I clear my throat, trying not to flinch as she wraps her arm around me. “Yeah Zoe, ‘m fine,” I murmur, letting her press herself to my side, her body sticky from our prior activities. Zoe was a cuddler, so she was usually last on my roster. It’s hard to plan your escape when a girl clings to you like a koala and worst of all, wants to sleep like that all night. I never got that, cuddling while sleeping. It gets hot, sweaty and cramped, I find it hard to believe anyone actually enjoys it. People just think they do because they’re in love or something. And I can’t afford to be in love. I had a natty to win.

Zoe’s slender finger brushes through my blonde hair and I can feel that claustrophobic, uncomfortable tightness inside me. Like I had to get out. Her dorm was dim and the air was heavy and slightly humid from the second round I had insisted on. The sheets stuck to my skin uncomfortably and her bed made this annoying sound everytime I moved or even breathed.

I turn my gaze to Zoe who’s looking at me, all googly eyed. Oh God. She smiles wide and presses a kiss to my cheek. The scent of her shampoo lingers in the air, the smell of banana and some kind of citrus. I had never liked banana scented things.

“Uh, anyway that was fun,” I mumble, and sit up on the bed, forcing her off me as gently as I could. “But I got practice early,” I add, reaching for my t-shirt and throwing it on.

I don’t notice the offended look on Zoe’s face. I grab my phone from the floor, checking my texts urgently.

Yo you tryna do a lil sum tonight?

I know ur not workin sooo we could have a lil fun like we did the other day

Valerie?

I sigh, feeling the knot in my stomach tighten as I stare at the read receipt underneath the texts. I tap on the back of my phone case impatiently, wondering if sending a fourth text would make me pathetic. Maybe I should just call her? Nah, I must be trippin.

Since I met her at Ted’s, Valerie was the first I called when being in my bed alone was tearing up my mind. But it didn’t mean anything, she was good in bed, good at making me forget who I was when I needed to. Also, I liked how she smelled, like coconut. And when she tangled her legs with mine I didn’t shutter or pull away. Sometimes I even wrapped my arm around her, pulling her into me. Not because I needed her. But because her body felt good against mine.

“Aw baby really?” Zoe whines in an overtly soft voice, wrapping the blanket around her as she scoots up on the bed. Her plump bottom lip, swollen from the rough kissing earlier turns into a pout. I quickly avoid her gaze, my eyes landing right onto the floor looking for my pants. “I wanted to cuddle.” Figures.

“I know baby, me too,” a lie, she would never know that though. “Can’t keep my hands off you if I stay tho and I need some sleep.” I lie more, never looking at her. She buys it though, like she does every time. It’s not like I liked to lie, but I also didn’t like disappointing people. Especially girls that looked at me like that. It would kill her to know I texted three girls after Valerie didn’t answer, and the only reason I was here was because Zoe was the fastest to reply..

I leave Zoe like that, naked in bed, pleading with her eyes. Sometimes I felt bad, because I could tell she really liked me. But then I remembered how hard it is to be Paige Bueckers, and I didn’t feel so bad. My job was to be great on the court. Everything else was just background noise.

-

I sit by the court, my chest heaving, throwing my head back to down some water. The squeaking of sneakers echo all around me, blending in with the sound of Geno’s voice screaming at some of the girls working on plays. Coach had been killing us today, not happy with how the last game had went. We had still won, but that was merely a reason to celebrate in his eyes. 

All day I’d been missing shots that should’ve been child’s play for me. I couldn’t help but beat myself up. I was distracted, unfocused. I had been killing myself on the court, hoping it would bring me to my senses. Geno had been the one to tap me on the shoulder and force me to take a break I wipe the sweat off my face into the inside of my shirt, and grab my phone.

Bro are u alive?

I’m gettin worried lowkey

i’m fine paige

Five days. For five days Valerie hadn’t texted me back anything but that. I clench my jaw in frustration, shaking my head to myself. It made no sense to me - yeah we had a falling out but that’s what we did. We bickered and then we kissed and made up, and that’s what we had been doing for months so why was she acting like this now? Well… maybe calling her a psycho bitch last week hadn’t been the best move on my part.

I don’t know why the things she did bothered me so much. When she didn’t laugh at my joke, when she didn’t answer my texts. I don’t know why I felt a constant nervousness swirl inside me when she was mad at me, I had no reason to care. I guess the pussy was just that good, it was tricking me into thinking I did.

“Va-le-r- oh that’s the girl from Ted’s!” KK slams her hands on my shoulders, coming up from behind me, peeping at my phone screen. In a panic, I lock my phone, hiding it from her view.

“Bro, you heard of privacy?” I complain, shoving her playfully as she sits next to me on the ground. KK snickers, her nose scrunching a little as she does. 

“Not since you started peeing with the door open,” the shorter girl next to me argues and I scoff loudly, my mouth wide open.

“One time! And I was drunk!!” I groan, my voice rising a little and eyes going wide. CD quickly turns around and shushes us, shaking her head. Me and KK quickly shut our mouths, my cheeks turning a little red from the scolding.

KK looks at me with raised brows, and then at the phone, and then at me again. Most of the team knew how I kept myself busy when I wasn’t training, but KK was the one who had joined me those countless times at Ted’s and sat with me at the corner table as I watched her. Valerie. There was something so intriguing about her I just had to keep coming back. I always thought once I’d get her to my bed and have my way with her, I’d be done with her, which is how it usually goes. Before I realised that one time turned into five, which turned into me being in her bed getting her right, not even caring about my own most of the time. Getting her off got me off. Just thinking about the way she looked when she came, the way her back arched, her perfect mouth fell open - I really had to stop thinking about her. Why was it so goddamn hard?

It won’t be hard to find another Valerie if she’s gonna keep this difficult act up.

“Girl trouble?” KK asks, her tone more genuine and I roll my eyes, looking at her sideways.

“Yea right,” I chuckle sarcastically, leaning my elbows to my knees. “Just need to find a new one is all.”

KK lets out a small laugh, sipping her water bottle. “The five you got not enough?” She jokes.

I smirk a little glancing at her. “Four,” I correct, as if that made it better somehow. “Just need someone… new,” I mumble, knowing it was the best bet to get my mind off Valerie. I’m sure eventually I’d find someone who was just as hot. Someone who also smelled like coconut.

“Then what do I say to Zoe.”

“Wh- Zoe?” 

KK nods and grins at me. “She texted me asking about your shoe size or sum, wanted to get a gift for you.”

“She- she what?” My voice is full of shock and I can feel the claustrophobic tightness quickly grow inside me. I had never given her KK’s number. She was doing too much. KK just nods, clearly finding the situation amusing.

“Bro…” I groan quietly, as to not piss off CD again, and lean my head forward, resting my forehead against my arms. Zoe clearly hadn’t understood what “just fucking around” meant. Sometimes shit slipped out of my mouth, sure, but I never let her think I liked her. I had to be careful with her.

KK kisses the her teeth and is still nodding. “Yeah… probably time to let her go huh?”

“That bitch is crazy I swear,” I murmur and KK laughs out loud again. I punch her arm, reminding her to keep quiet - an impossible task for KK. Before I can stop myself, the words just slip from my mouth.

“Ted’s tonight?” 

KK looks at me pointedly. “Valerie workin’?” she teases but I shake my head sternly.

“No man, fuck Valerie.” The words tasted bitter in my mouth. “Just need to find a new one, k?”

“You sure you’re not just gon’ ogle at her all ni-”

“KK.” I say sternly

KK nods. “Ok,” she repeats but I can tell from her tone she doesn’t buy it. She shuts up though knowing she could tease me about anything but anything about Valerie got under my skin. Truth was Valerie was working today. I just needed to see her just for a second. Just to know if I was overthinking it, or if she was really icing me out.

-

The Friday night had brought many other students to Ted’s as well, the bar pretty packed and the chatter loud over the music. KK had convinced Ice to join us so the three of us made our way in. The best thing about crowds was it made it easy to blend in, even for us. We push our way through to the bar, my eyes immediately searching for a glimpse of Valerie’s golden brown hair or her wide eyes. All I needed was to see her, I told myself. Even for a second. Then the twist in my stomach would straighten out.

“What can I get you?” The perky voice of the redhead asks over the buzzing crowd. I think her name was Natalie or something. Ice looks over the flyers on the bar, advertising a range of new drinks.

“Let’s try some of these,” Ice suggests and I grab the flyer from her hand. I didn’t really come here to drink so I couldn’t have cared less what we ordered. Especially now I realised Valerie wasn’t even here.

“Uhh yea can we get three Aperol Negronis,”

“You won’t like it,” a stern, but sweet voice interrupts the conversation. I’d recognise that voice anywhere.

Valerie steps out from the back, pinning her hair away from her face and for a moment our gazes meet. Her dark, wide eyes make me let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. For a moment I want to jump over the bar and touch her, to make sure she was really there and not just a mirage of my desires.

“W-why not?” I ask, my voice uncharacteristically shaky. Only with her I got like that. Suddenly my throat felt dry and the nervous twist in my stomach was turning into something you could only call butterflies. Of course I knew it couldn’t be butterflies, because that would mean I cared. I couldn’t afford to care. I didn’t have the time for distractions. I had a national championship to win.

Valerie scoffs looking away from me, ignoring me as I chase her gaze. “Because I know you won’t,” she says. The way she thought she knew me that well irked me. Still, I’d be lying if I said a part of me wasn’t beaming at the fact that I had her attention after a week of trying to chase her down.

I can’t help the pout that forms in defiance. She’s still ignoring me, pouring drinks for a group of boys clearly ogling at her - which only irked me more.

“Well… I want three of them,” I say matter of factly, trying to prove a point.

“Whoa Paige, maybe we should just get a shirl-” Ice chuckles but I shake my head.

“Three Aperol Negronis,” I dictate. Valerie’s stern eyes finally look at me. She looks almost a little scary, not pleased with my tone. “... please.” I add urgently, not wanting to get on her bad side. I guess some would say I already had.

Wordlessly, Valerie rolls her wide eyes and gets to mixing the drinks. I allow my eyes to wander for a moment, noticing how the white shirt of the work uniform hugged her body, the curve of her breasts making my mouth water. Just seeing her was enough to ignite the fire deep in my abdomen. The things I would do to leave with her tonight and take her to my bed, like I had so many times before. I would even settle for just some kissing. Just wanted to let my hands wander down her body, squeeze and feel where I wanted, with no urgency. I needed to feel all of her, wanted to drown in her.

“By card orrr…?” Valerie asks, clearly waiting for the payment. My eyes had gone glassy, and my lower lip had a small dent from the way I’d been biting down on it. I blink stupidly at her, struggling to calm myself down.

“I got it,” KK murmurs and slides her card to Valerie. I grab my drink, and the smell is enough to make my face scrunch up in disgust. I swear it smells like battery acid, and as I take a sip I notice - it also tastes like battery acid. I swallow the orange liquor, it burns on its way down making me cough a little. Valerie was watching me amused. I hated when she was right.

“People actually drink this and like it??” Ice asks, her voice hoarse from coughing as well. KK nods agreeing but I’m too stubborn to admit defeat.

“I actually like it,” I lie with a straight face, my fingers twitching around the glass as I try to get over the bitter aftertaste in my mouth.

“Oh right,” Valerie says, flicking her hair over her shoulder as she turns to another group of customers. I can’t help reach over the bar, my hand grabbing her arm. She turns back to face me, icier than I had ever seen. It shocks me enough that I let go of her, taken aback.

“What?” she asks, her voice filled with annoyance.

“You seen my texts?” is all I ask, and it comes out a little too desperate for my liking.

“Yes,” Valerie says matter of factly. I wait for her to continue but she doesn’t.

“Uh… well thought we’d link up or something,” I add, shifting on my feet as I do.

Valerie sighs in frustration and takes a deep breath to compose herself.

“I’m good,” is all she says and flashes me an ice cold smile. I feel a strange pang in my heart. She had iced me out before, but not like this. Usually seeing her face to face was enough for her to forget our petty little arguments, enough to get her on me again. “I have work,” she adds before finally returning to serve the other customers.

I stand there for a moment, astonished. An uncomfortable ache that had been wavering in my chest was growing too intense for me to ignore anymore. Maybe it was all my fault after all. I had told her I wouldn’t sleep with anyone else and in the moment I had meant it. But then I remembered the stakes. Last year to win a national championship, last year to prove my greatness. I wasn’t going to mess it up just because of some girl. A relationship would be nothing more than a distraction, an unnecessary responsibility. I had enough on my plate. Valerie was selfish for wanting me all to herself. She didn’t understand what she was asking for. Maybe calling her a psycho bitch wasn’t so far off.

I feel someone bump into my back and turn around to find a girl, cheeks blushed and apologetic. I see her eyes widen in recognition - it was always that moment when I knew I could have this girl if I wanted. 

“Oh fuck, I’m so sorry, I’m a little drunk,” the girl giggles and I offer her an easy smile. I consider taking this girl home, imagining the way I’d lure her into my bed, just a little bit of sweet talk and a smirk would be enough, a hand on her waist, thumb rubbing her skin and soon she’d get this look on her face like she had to have me. It would be so easy, and I wouldn’t have to think about Valerie at all.

But the pain in my chest doesn’t go away, even when I let my mind wander further, how this girl would look underneath me, whimpering while I fuck her. It did nothing to make the pain go away.

“‘S fine,” i murmur and decide to ignore the way she was blinking at me, biting her bottom lip. I grab my drink from the bar, and push past her, finding KK and Ice sitting at our usual table. They both look at me, but don’t ask where I’d been. They both knew better. I sip my drink, cursing to myself in my head about ordering it. With sheer stubbornness I finish it quickly, finding that easier than taking small sips. 

“You’re never picking what we drink again,” KK scoffs, copying me, her face scrunching involuntarily when she finishes her drink. But I barely register her words, as I lean back in the chair, head tilting back to watch Valerie.

She’s giggling with Natalie, throwing her head back in amusement. The chatter in the bar is deafening, but I swear I could hear her laugh in my head vividly. Like my brain had memorised each tone of her voice. There was something different about Valerie, she always shined the brightest in every room she was in. Even the dingy bar was lit up by her. She wasn’t even necessarily extremely lively. It was her mere presence that just made everything better. 

I noticed it the first time I ever saw her, early september. All she did was walk past me on campus, talking lively into her phone. It was her voice I had heard before even seeing what she looked like. Her voice had been enough to make me have to see her. Of course she hadn’t even looked my way, not even a glance. That was the moment I knew I had to have her.

“You enjoy it?” Valerie asks KK and Ice, fully ignoring me as she walks to our table to clean up. I watch the golden bracelet she always wore dangling on her wrist as she grabs the empty glasses. I lean back and tilt my head to look up at her, needy for her attention. Licking my lips I look her up and down, that usually worked enough to get her naked. But now, she didn’t even glance at me. Annoyance grew within me as she chatted with KK, laughing at her jokes.

It was then when my eyes moved from her lips to her neck that I saw it - a dark bruise underneath her ear, right on the spot where she liked to be kissed. I knew, because I had left many bruises there and gotten scolded for it. But this wasn’t mine. This was someone else’s.

“Okay well see ya around,” Valerie smiles and turns to take the glasses to the back. I feel the pang in my chest quickly flip, turning into anger. I was furious. Who did she think she was? Sleeping around with someone else, not answering my texts, letting someone else mark her like that. I felt my body turn hot, and without a word to KK and Ice I get up from my seat, nearly knocking it over as I take quick strides to reach Valerie, following her into the back, ignoring the STAFF ONLY sign on the door.

My steps are heavy and loud as I reach her, standing by the sink, handling the dirty glasses. I was shaking my head to myself, trying to control my anger. But it was getting the best of me.

“Staff only plea-” Valerie starts and turns to me, unable to miss the redness of my face, the clenched jaw and the way I was biting on the insides of my cheeks. “Paige?” she asks, furrowing her brows, confused.

The pounding in my head grows and I let out a scoff, not feeling in control of myself. My brain was moving faster than I could follow, I felt lightheaded. I felt furious. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I ask, my voice loud. I didn’t really care about being overheard.

“Huh?” Valerie asks, clearly bewildered, but already getting defensive in response to how I was acting.

“What, you don’t text me, call me or nothing? Because you’ve been too busy fucking some other bitch?” I yell, my hand pointing to her neck. Valerie’s eyes widen in realisation but quickly turn angry too. 

“I- WHAT?” She yells back and takes a step towards me.

“Don’t play dumb. So who is it?” I say sternly, grinning bitterly at her, my eyes looking down at her.

She scoffs and rolls her eyes shaking her head which only infuriates me more.

“I said. Who. Is. It?” I repeat, grabbing her arm. She pushes my hand off her, anger growing on her face as her brows furrowed further.

“How is it any of your business who I sleep with Paige?” She argues.

She had a point. We weren’t exclusive. Matter of fact it was pretty hypocritical of me to be so angry when I had a roster of girls on my phone, ready to answer my calls at any time of day. My anger had taken over though, and the little sense I had when it came to Valerie, was completely gone.

I throw my head back and chuckle bitterly, provoking her further. “See I knew you’re a lotta things but didn’t know you were a slut too,” I hiss, the words slipping out without much thought. I couldn’t think of anything but how furious I felt.

Valerie laughs loud, but it’s not the sweet laugh I was used to. It was a bitter, angry laugh.

“Me?! You’ve slept with every girl that swings your way on campus and even some that don’t! You’re the slut Paige!” she screams, her wide eyes burning with anger, her finger coming up to point at my face. It pissed me off, the way it was assigning blame, like all of this was my fault. Like it wasn’t she who slept with someone.

“I don’t owe you anything!” she declares, her voice revealing a hint of hurt, the way it cracked slightly. “I’m done with you. I’m serious Paige. Done,” she adds, her voice calmer, but more authoritative. “Now get out of my bar.”

My face was hot and red, my chest was heaving and my head spun. The hurt in her voice made me waver, made my chest ache more. I blink at her stupidly as she turns back to the dishes, already missing having her attention. I was fine with the yelling, the fighting, as long as it meant she was looking at me, or talking to me. But now she’s done with me? Fine, so was I. Wouldn’t take me longer than a day to find a new Valerie.

“Pshh whatever,” I murmur and storm out of the back, heading fast towards the exit. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my chest felt tight and I could taste the bitter Aperol on my tongue still. It made me nauseous,

I’m gasping for air once I feel the chilly breeze of february hitting my skin. The silence outside was overwhelming, forcing me to realise the rapid pace of my own thoughts. My mind was swirling with flashing images of Valerie, on top of someone, looking down at her like she did at me, the idea of her moaning someone else’s name made me sick.

“Fuck!” I shout, unable to control myself. A group of girls near me turn to look at me but return to their conversation when I sit myself down on the curb. What a standard I was setting for student athletes everywhere right now.

My eyes burn and before I notice, a tear rolls down my cheek. I bury my face into my hands and rub my jaw, my anger easing with each exhale. I didn’t know why I was crying, I didn’t understand any of this. I couldn’t believe the things I had said, the way I had acted. I was supposed to be disciplined, in control, but I felt so out of control when it came to Valerie.

“Paigey…” KK murmurs and suddenly I realise her and Ice are standing in front of me, looking down at me sympathetically. Embarrassed, I wipe the tears away and try to steady my breathing.

“Uhh sorry just gimme a sec guys,” I sigh looking at the ground. They sit on either side of me, wrapping their arms around me. I lean into Ice’s shoulder and I’m grateful how they don’t pry, or talk. We just sit there in silence for a while.

I take a deep sigh and lift my head back up, chewing on my bottom lip. I glance at both of the girls sitting next to me, grateful for the friends I had. At least I got one thing right.

“I dunno what just happened,” I sigh, shaking my head thinking back to my behaviour. The shame I felt made my cheeks turn a shade of red.

KK chuckles softly and ruffles my hair affectionately. “I do,” she mumbles.

I furrow my brows and turn to look at her. She looks back at me like whatever was about to come out of her mouth was obvious. KK and Ice glance at each other before KK opens her mouth to speak.

“Bro you have feelings for her.”

Oh?

Oh.

My mouth parts in realisation as I move my gaze from KK to the pavement. It’s just us now, sitting in silence, the sounds of passing cars and the muted sounds of the bar the only noise in the chilly evening.

“C’mon P boogers, let’s go home,” Ice says, standing up and reaching a hand down to lift me up. 

KK hops up and nods. “You need some Tru Fru,” she adds.

With a nod, I let them pull me up, following them to the car. I had feelings for Valerie. Shit. I'd just have to find a way to get over it - I couldn’t afford all this. Not right now. Not with the world watching, waiting for me to fail. Not with a national championship on the line.

-

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NEXT ONE WILL BE HOTTER I PROMISE

[callistocalavarni]

shifting to the 60s

hii I havent posted in a while, I've been trying re group from multiple shifts while getting my life back in order but I think I'm back.. Anyway I have a bunch of stories from so many places I'd like to share and im currently working on how I want to post them. But I don't see a lot of storytimes so I think it would be fun to share some. So i'm gonna rant about some shorter ones here.

shifting with sleep paralysis

I wanted to talk about this shift because it stuck out to me and I can't stop thinking about it.. I had shifted about 2 times in the span of 30 seconds. For a whole week back in October I was waking up at 3-5 am in the morning without being able to go back to sleep. So as you can guess I woke up at around 4 am and was restless. At around 6 am I got tired again so I started my method and I know people say that symptoms don't exist but in the time that I have shifted all I can say is that I disagree.. Anyway, one moment I was saying affimations and then the next I woke up all tingly and in a weird sleep state I've never been in before. I didn't even say to myself I wanted to shift I just did. It was like my mind was on autopilot. Didn't say affimations, didn't go through my script in my head, didn't even try to use the 5 senses. I just started seeing myself in 1st person and what I would be doing in my dr without any forethought and shifted. The first shift, I was on a track running with a couple of men and we all were wearing 60s running wear. I had an orange and red tank top with matching orange shorts. It had felt like there was an orange filter in this reality.. if that makes sense. I was on the track about to run and I just recall looking around laughing.

When I shifted to this moment its like I felt my consciousness leave my body; Which is the weird part because I've never really experinced this before. It felt like I was being pulled up by something and all I could hear was constant noise. I don't even know what noise I was hearing it was like someone was screaming right in my ear or veryyy loud ringing/static. The noise was SO loud. I was in the middle of sprinting when I shifted back because I thought I was the one making the noise, I thought I was screaming..Thankfully it was not me. But When I came back I was still In that state and I could look around me but my eyes were still closed. It's like I was seeing everything from a different perspective. There was a spider crawling on my wall right next to me when I shifted back so I freaked out and the noise got even louder ! The spider was leaving black spots all over my wall,, I could not figure out what was going on in the moment ( when I was writing this in my journal I figured out it was sleep paralysis ) It felt like I was tripping on a bunch of pain killers when I shifted back. I still couldn't move so I shifted again to the same reality but this time I was in the shower... the noise got even louder. The noise made it feel like a bad trip and I ended up shifting back here to try and stop it. It took my like an hour to get out of sleep paralysis. Unlike the method, this reality was very enyjoyable. It felt like a Nina Brodskyaya song, I lived alone and I was successful. I think I worked at a cigarette company, which is ironic because I hate smoking. But I don't know for sure as I didn't stay long enough to find out.

Lumari is a country I scripted, Forlina being one of its nations.

This reality was late 70's early 80's and one of my favorite drs. I stayed here for about a year. I was in Forlina living in an all girls home. Forlina gives free housing to students so I moved out of my parents house to start collage. About six girls are given a room to share together, don't worry they are pretty big. I loved our room. It had big sliding windows that gave a view of the tropical forest. We each had sunken in beds, some girls who were home sick shared beds for a couple of weeks. It took me a while to get use to the amount of noise in the morning. There was this one girl who would blast music on the radio while getting ready. I only had to worry about this sometimes because I woke up pretty early. Art was one of my classes and the professer would make the class times either 7 am or 9 pm which also took me some time to get use to. idk the guy was kind of weird. I rode my bike everywhere here. I miss being able to ride down a bike trail and see the ocean. I've been thinking about shifting back here for some time. I might post more about this reality in more detail later.

<3

[luckykiwiii101]

Hi Wii!! 💖

It's finally my turn. My own void success story💕💕. ahhh i'm so happy! This is kind of long so sorry for that.

So, just for a back story, I have been terminally ill for a while now. I was always in pain and even after discovering subliminals 5 years ago i was never fully 'able' to get rid of my illness. But then I came across the void state one day on tiktok while looking through shifting methods and instantly knew that it was for me. The thought of it genuinely made me so happy and not in like a 'i'll get all my desires' way but in like a 'ofc i can give myself whatever I want.' way. But i kinda fell down a rabit hole on tumblr and really put the void on a pedestal that i had to 'pass' in order to get anything😔.

But then, a few weeks ago, it really clicked. I did one of those 3-day challenges (i didn't follow anyone elses, just made up my own routine and stuck to it.) and it helped tremendously both with my self concept and void concept. i know these aren't really important but they sure help lol.

Anyway i didn't get in the void in those 3 days but i realised that instead of hating not waking up in the void, my thought process was just ''well, i'm getting closer aren't I?" and i honestly caught myself off guard with that🎀🎀.

But then last night, i got ready for bed and went to sleep. But I kept waking up in the middle of the night because it was kinda hot. Anyway, i had a holiday from school so I was gonna sleep in.

My sister had to go to school tho and we share a room so when she wakes up, i usually do as well just because of all the rustling. She opened the light to our room and i felt a faint light infront of my eyes. I couldn't hear her then for a while but I just assumed that was because she left the room. Then my hearing came back and she was asking me about smth so i opened my eyes but noticed that the 'source' of the light i felt while my eyes were closed was different to which light was open in the room(I really hope that made sense). I then realised that it took awhile for me to properly feel my body again and thats when i realized i was in the void- aware- for once!! 💗💗

I honestly wasn't surprised that I woke up in the void without doing anything because I have full faith in myself but it has really helped me make my belief in the void even stronger. I have a whole list of things i want to get so when i get in the void again tonight, I'm gonna affirm for all my desires!! Wait for my full success story please 💖💖

Also, to all the people out there, i know it's hard but all you genuinely need to do is trust yourself and your power, remember you are The Creator.

Thanks again Wii, you've been great help.

(btw, so sorry for any typos, english is not my first language😔)

Success Story ✨✨✨✨💗💗💗

This is truly amazing!!

IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!! AND EVEN MORE PROUD THAT YOU ACTUALLY TOOK YOUR LIFE INTO YOUR OWN HANDS!!! MORE PEOPLE SHOULD BE LIKE YOU!!!

[swadloom]

Sorry I sent that too early. Why do you think you like Pyrrhon so much? Like what specifically about him draws you to him? I’m curious :3

OK I'M GUESSING YOU'RE WHO SENT THIS AND THATS FUNNY BC I ASSUMED IT WAS INTENTIONAL AND WAS JUST GONNA ANSWER IT ANYWAYS 😭

ANYWAYS UM so I first played Kid Icarus Uprising when I was 11, and what initially drawed me in was that I liked loud, goofy, funny, flamboyant characters. And still do!! I just really liked anything absurd and memeable (I probably made some mlg edits of him in my mind. Shudders.) Some of it might also be I always liked acting goofy but had some growing shyness from growing into preteen-ness, and so very confident characters appealed to me (that's still a big reason I like him I think, with the tempered "goofy" parts now also being shown through neurodivergent headcanoning & such.) That was also around when my biggest obsession was space instead of fish like it is now so the whole arc appealed to me there. But the other thing is that I was also really into stuff like the scarier episodes of Steven Universe and Gravity Falls and Regular Show and the crazy lore and bossfights in Kirby and such. So I was already hooked by that, then take the stuff that happens in chapter 17 with him turning on you then getting possessed and it just opened the adhd flood gates in my brain. I already was obsessed with Magolor from Kirby before that and this was kinda like an ultra enhanced version of that hyperfixation. I would be 12 and just fall asleep imagining what it was like for him being possessed that way, what happened behind the scenes, what kinds of scenarios could happen post-story? Like when you're a kid and find something horror-adjacent compelling you think about it all the time. Also like. Motions vaguely. Body horror. Hypermasculine character. 🏳️‍⚧️ and such.

The massiveness and unendingness of the hyperfixation is partly because I didn't know I had adhd and autism, so when the pandemic hit when I was 13 I was stuck sitting in bed and thinking about him all the time (including weird stuff I didn't particularly mean to and want to think about) and I thought that meant I was stupid and obsessed and couldn't stop, and it frustrated me a lot. Unironically I truly thought God and Jesus hated me because I thought about him too much and would sometimes unwillingly think "HEY YOU TWO LISTEN TO THIS LOOK AT MY THOUGHTS". I was normal and cool. I learned I wasn't evil only after. Places my head in my hands. the invasive thoughts episode of sanders sides. Yeagh. Because trying to push out thoughts on purpose often just works in opposite I came out of that and I legitimately believe there been very few days in my life that have gone by since where I haven't thought about him at least once. All of my neurons were mylenated with his jpegs. So my obsession with him now is at least partly he's just a cog in my brain now, but also when you think about a character so much you pick out a million potential things to like about him yk. Also a million things that make you rip bark off of trees and grow fangs and destroy things with psychic pulses but that's neither here nor there

[astoryofsuchwoe]

Reflections . . .

(ember pov writing WHO CHEERED!!! there's erm. lots of fucked up shit. tw for implied sa, dehumanization/dollification, trans man being feminized, brief mentions of a limb being torn off, murder by choking and blood but we're all alien stage fans/silly dividers by @/cafekitsune!)

(tagging @sotogalmo @tsukacchako <3)

I can't remember the day the segyein brought me to the store.

All I really have memories of is my old name. All I really have memories of is the way that my sisters and I were dressed the same, put up on display as dolls.

We were nothing but dolls to them. That was all they'd ever say. We were forced to pose, to smile, to act like nothing was wrong even when their slimy hands groped and played with us.

Because we were just dolls.

When they pulled too hard, played with me too hard, I had to sit there and take it. Even when they tore my leg straight off. Even when my blood stained my white dress. Even when the pain grew to be too much that I passed out.

Because I was just a doll.

I always wondered what it meant to not be a doll. What it meant, to be free.

I couldn't take it. I was more than a doll. My sisters were more than dolls. We had thoughts and feelings, just like those stupid segyein.

They never cared, though.

All they'd do was push a plastic leg into my nub until it stuck. All they'd do was push me to the back of the store, where all the defects were.

It led to the first time I watched them kill one of my sisters.

She had lashed out at a potential buyer, and the store manager was furious. Choked her out until her body was pale and cold, until the life had left her eyes. We were all forced to stay still as they tossed her out like common trash.

It kept happening, over and over again. My defect sisters were slowly dying one by one, and I knew that even if I sat in silence, even if I did nothing...

I'd be next.

My escape was hard. The leg they had given me was not one that I could move well, and every single step hurt.

But, I still made it. When they had closed the store and left the door unlocked, I never moved as fast as I did that day.

I remembered collapsing out in the street when I finally did escape, not even that far from the store. I remembered being terrified that I would be taken back, that I'd be found by those horrible segyein again.

When I woke up, I was in a place I had never seen before. I was surrounded by humans, people who weren't dressed in white like my sisters and I were. I almost cried when I realized it, that the rumored resistance group some of my sisters heard about was real.

The doctor asked me my name. I was hesitant to give my old one. I told them the first word off the top of my head.

Ember.

It's stuck all this time, and I'm glad for it. Nobody questioned my strange choice. They accepted me the way I was.

As for my savior...I didn't meet Vic until I was cleared to leave the medical wing. I had asked Sytria who saved me, and they pointed me his way, rambling about how "He's a bit cold for a human, but you'll like him!"

He was standoffish when we first met, shrugging off my desperate thanks with a wave of his hand.

"It was nothing," He had said, "Who would leave you out on the street like that?"

Everybody before would have. My perfect sisters, the segyein would have sacrificed me in a heartbeat. But he didn't need to know that.

I grew closer to everyone, after that day. It was scary, to be with people so warm. People who didn't worry about being toys to the segyein. People who were truly and indisputedly free.

I grew closer to Vic, too, as much as he hated it at the start. As I opened up more, becoming the person I'd always wanted to be, I felt more comfortable with him. He would never talk when I was rambling to him, but I don't think he minded. He never said anything about it, anyway.

I can't remember when he started reciprocating my efforts. I remember the first time he arrived in my room with an armful of food, not even saying a word as he dropped it onto my bed and sat down on it. It was a habit I had picked up, and seeing him pick it up too made my heart flutter.

Vic was...is, the light of my life. He's someone that you can't help but look up to. And I thank whatever forces or fate that led him to saving me that day.

What would my life be without him, I wonder? I probably would have been taken back to the shop if he never found me. I probably would have been forced to be a doll again, or killed.

Vic saved me. And I truly don't think he understands how much it means to me.

Ah...I guess I'm getting a bit wistful tonight. It marks the day I ran, after all.

I still think about white clothes splattered in red. I still think about slimy hands on my body.

But now, I think about warm smiles. A meal shared with friends and family.

And now, I truly know that this is what it means to be free.

[bereft-of-frogs]

A collection of slightly manic craft projects I’ve completed since the you-know-what:

1) took what was supposed to be a cat bed insert for the IKEA Kallax that my cat always hated, never used even though I tried all the treats, catnip, everything he's just like nope I would prefer to just sleep on your pillows or in the sink, used a square of fabric I already had cut and a hot glue gun to cover the hole and turn it into a functional bin. I'm using it to store my currently being worked on knitting WIPS because they always ended up on the floor beside the couch and that wasn't cute

2) my mom gave me this tin with all this tea in it, tin super functional for continuing to store teabags (I know some of you might be like 'but you hate tea' I've come around but specifically on green tea, any sort of black tea is still a hard pass) but it had the branding printed right onto the metal, it wasn't a sticker I could remove. But you know what WAS a sticker I could remove? The vinyl sticker from a craft beer can (Battery Steele Brewing's Saint Stephen) that I hung onto for more than a year because the can was too pretty to let go of. Poured hot water into it and let it sit for 15 minutes, sticker came off with most of the adhesive so I didn't even have to do anything else but cut it to size, line it up, and stick it over the ugly brand part of the tin. I actually did clean it up a bit after taking this picture but that involved the x-acto knife and I thought 1AM wasn't the greatest time to be busting out the knives.

also I had already reorganized all of my kitchen cabinets by this point I was tired

3) Next day I finally put up this window film that I also got from my mom, because she bought it to put on her bathroom windows when she still had an apartment in the city but didn't end up liking the pattern. My bedroom faces a pretty busy walkway on one side and I don't terribly mind it but it's nice that people can't see in on that side (other side is covered by trees from the garden next door) and also it makes rainbows with the streetlights.

Disregard the dying spider plant in the shot I don't know why I struggle to keep it alive but I'm in the process of propagating some of its babies so maybe they'll do better.

4) Yesterday on a whim I decided to once again cannibalize a notebook I despise. Well, love the cover. HATE the 160 GSM paper. It's awful. The BuJo influencers are lying to you. Before I accepted how awful it is to actually write on I bought one from Notebook Therapy I already did this to and one from Archer & Olive. The Archer & Olive one doesn't quite fit as well as the NT one but it does provide a nice hardcover surface to use paperback notebooks in. (Paperback notebook inside is Denik, desk mat is from Simka Sol.) If anyone has any ideas what to do with the extra space caused by putting an A5 notebook in an 8x8 lmk, I'm thinking of making a pocket but idk what I'd put in the pocket. I have a functional sewing machine now I can really do anything. (Had to take off the foot and the plate and clean out all the tangled thread and lint that had somehow gotten stuck.)

5) I also fixed my sewing machine (see above) and made a pillowcase with the leftover fabric. Because while I did listen when the person at the store cutting the fabric told me how wide it was, on a much more real level I didn't listen. I think this is maybe supposed to be backing fabric for a quilt. So yeah when I got home and unfolded it I was like um whoa. Had enough leftover for an entire body pillow sized pillowcase.

So anyway, that's what I've been up to. all of these projects involved approximately 30 seconds of thought that's it, I am excited and scared to see what I come up with next. I'm really hoping it's writing because I'd like to finish the first draft of this project by the end of the year.

[medstudentblues]

D-3 of start of clerkship

since my last post I had been following the same routine (daily laundry, light studying, etc), except this week I went to school to distribute our merch, then had pedia endorsement yesterday at 8pm which lasted for 3 hours!! it was overwhelming and nothing stuck (and I'm someone who's familiar with hospital routine/bedside duties because of my pre-med) so I just let it go because there's nothing we can do about it, we'll best learn the routine in pedia department this coming weekend and forward, in the hospital not through a ppt presentation.

but!! today I celebrated with my family my birthday. we kept losing each other, my brother and his family went anyway even though they had 2-6 hrs of sleep because it's their body clock (a sweet, big thing for me!), my father was mostly quiet, and my tito was pleasantly chatty. I gave my cute niece lots and lots of kisses which she hated lol. we were supposed to play billiards after as is our routine when we were kids, but it was closed and I already had a moderate migraine because of the heat and how crowded the mall was because it's a holiday, so I just said we'll play next time. we went to the parking area, my beau took me home, and I had a GOOD nap. glorious. next thing I knew it's 6pm and it's incredibly hot so I got out of bed.

I just made my daily protein drink, looked up the master files for our pedia rotation and since I don't have to print anything yet, I'll shower and maybe do some studying since I have nothing else to do anyway. will turn in around midnight or 1am, hopefully!

--

what I'm feeling: I am already feeling tired lol. even though I rejected all the clerk student council positions yesterday during the election, I am still the prime leader (or "president") of my section or "prime" as we call it. but it's fine, I'm used to the job. I've served as a student leader since forever so I know I won't be too tired compared to our student council exhaustion when I was in third year. there will be meetings, but it won't be as excessive and long as when I was an MSC. I hope everything's lighter and fun this year.

[amrv-5]

14, 19, 23 ! Also hi!!! hope airport time is not too taxing <3

I want out of Denver and into my bed soooooo bad and they keep CHANGING MY GATE I've walked between concourses 3 times now. B. A. B. What next. A? Again? Surprise third option it's another delay. Stuck Inside the Airport with the Denver Blues Again etc. etc. etc. Okay anyway thank you!!!!! for the ask and well wishes LOL they can't keep me here forever I'm pretty sure.

14. Favorite book you read this year?

Okay I'm taking the books I'm currently reading not-yet-finished out of the running though I think they're both excellent so far (Kathryn Harlan's Fruiting Bodies and Beckett's Molloy.) And though I -- post briefly canceled they moved my fucking gate again. You're kidding.

Okay anyway. I found myself revisiting a lot of old favorites earlier this year, and I think I ended up really coming back to Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle in a big way... but there were a whole bunch I'd hate to discount... ahhhh hard question but a good one I'll keep thinking on (thank you!!!)

19. What're you excited about for next year?

Mmghhhh I think I don't think this far ahead typically, and particularly not with excitement... this one was a nice one to think about. On a very local level, watching more movies!!! I'm having a fuckin' blast with movies of all kinds. More broadly I'm starting to feel more comfortable w/new general shape of my time, and I'm really looking forward to being more intentionally social / continuing to get to know some of the really great people I've met this year who are nice enough to be patient with me when I can be a little difficult to get to know (here's looking at you!).

23. If you could send a message to yourself back on the first day of the year, what would it be?

Heh. Uhh things are difficult now, but you are and have always been good at things which are difficult; I don't have solutions for you and it turns out that's because nobody does, which is not fair or fun but might actually be what everything is about, like, sweepingly, so try not to feel too bad or uniquely blood-cursed or whatever about it; uhh things actually do get better, though, as in your circumstances will literally improve and make things notably easier (really! I mean it this time!); uhh there's a difference between spectation and acknowledgement. I guess that's pretty thorough. Yeah??? Yeah.

[yeastymuffin]

List five things that make you happy, then put this in the inbox of the last ten people who reblogged something from you, get to know your mutuals and your followers!

I got this ask twice so @songbirdtana know I'm also answering this for you <3

(You've caught me in an inspirational mood tbh, if you'd asked me this a different time I probably would have answered with popcorn, a warm bed and tv shows)

Walking/hiking. Sounds cliché I know, but I'm on vacation in Finland right now and we hiked yesterday for an hour or so, just to see some lookout tower. I've done much longer hikes on more difficult terrain, but even walking on a simple dirt path and climbing some big boulders en route was so relaxing. Especially the view from the tower!!

Nature. I guess it kind of ties in to my last answer but I just had to mention nature too. I love extensive forests and the buzzing of insects at work. The tiny dew drops on moss. The way the leaves whisper as the wind blows through it. I feel most inspired when I am among vast fields of nature, which is unfortunate because my home country doesn't have that as much. Anyway, after said hike we rested near a river where big rocks stuck out of the water. I climbed over them to the last rock, which was about 10 metres away from the riverbed. I just sat there, wild water splashing around me which made a noise so deafening it felt like it was just me and the river.

Languages. Not the learning part, I hate learning new languages, at least when doing it in highschool, but I love the existence of languages. How certain languages that neighbour each other borrow words. How you can look at a language that's related to yours and recognise certain parts. Or the complete opposite, how a language can be so different from yours that you cannot relate it to any language you know. And despite being completely unrelated every language has curse words, and idioms, and jargon, and slang. Certain parts of language are so innately human you find them everywhere, and there is no way for me to express the joy i feel in my heart when i think of that.

Music. Again, yeah, cliché, shut up. At the moment I listen to mostly hard rock/pop punk (and Glee covers, who would have thought? not me.) and classical music/soundtracks. It's mainly the soundtracks that fill me with so much emotion and passion that my body wants to explode. The whole HTTYD soundtrack by John Powell? MASTERPIECE! I am listening to 'See You Tomorrow' and it's so goood!!!! All the motifs, the way the music swells and declines, like the tides of the sea. The tiny flutes and 'cautious' violins, the bombastic wind instruments... UGH IT'S SO GOOD!!!!

My rabbit, Caramel. I would have loved to say 'my rabbits' but unfortunately Caramel's best friend of 10 years, Dice, passed away two months ago. They were both such characters, with distinct wants and things they'd dislike. I loved watching them together, basking in the sun or sitting back to back in the middle of the grass. Caramel always comes by to say hi when you open the door and he's just such a sweet little boy.

[babylove007]

Steve got the couple working/volunteering between St.George's Church and the dinner service that was at 218 Concession. The woman looks like Sid from Ice Age with a short grey bob. She kept giving me the spork spoon that was too big for my mouth and made my teeth chatter while she smiled in my face and watched. Anyway, He made me knock on their door, and they came to speak to us at the window on the passenger side of the vehicle. I was in his lap. There was no one in the driver seat and then Whose Line Is It Anyway officer. Same oneS that attended Tt's seizure at 1555 Lambs Rd, Bowmanville. He gave me the monkey pox vaccine in the bath tub in Gananoque AFTER Orville was dead. Bathtub in the motel part, farthest unit to the left.

------------------

Last night my eyebrow became swollen with a mass to the left of the indent. Your left. Not mine. I could use a shiv or a blade to open it, and a sharp pair of pliers to get it out and fill the hole underneath.

Last night I sat in the coffee way parking lot at 478 Division St. I had 3 15mg cherry flavored kids gravol because the pain was making me sick. By the time one of our crusiers pulled into Adelaide parking lot, I went in less than 15 minutes later And the gravol (Im assuming) was coming out of masses in my cheeks.

---------------

Have a K9 dog take the scent of my purple deodourant, And it will come to my face. Pop one of these things or a few, and it will come/bark to it on your gloves. The deodorant stays the same texture and smell and taste in the body. You know what you never ever give a sick cancer kid? A vaccine their body can't process. A blister vaccine so everything comes out because it literally can't fucking process.

------------------- Within 10 minutes of laying down last night, As I felt the masses go to my cheeks, There is a sharp thick pain in my lower pelvis, (your left) And I push on it for pressure, And I remember waking up to Orville sitting level with the bed, sharpening one of my knitting needles. He stuck it through me, and waiting for my best friend to walk in. (This was at Grenfell. Same knitting needle I was using at Ms.Elaine's that Christmas. The thicker ones) Steve got me with that blister vaccine, after Orville was dead, after he kept walking in, knowing god damn well that is exactly what is on my foot.

Some things can never be replaced, The time this has taken from my family The bones and holes that absorb and corrode with every bite of food or flush of water

----------------------------

That is all for now. The gravol went to face my cheeks within 30 minutes. You can push em out on a glove, walk across the lot, And one of your dogs will call it.

--------------- Steve followed that couple into their house. "He'd use his gun but he wouldn't get the satisfaction of prolonging it." thats what she said. Sid the sloth from ice age, with the short grey bob. (She has glasees) YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEVER GIVE A CANCER KID UNLESS YOU FUCKING HATE YOUR OWN

A VACCINE THEY SUFFER AND DIE FROM NO MATTER WHAT

---------------------

Steve "Joiyce" or "joyce" or "joice" the 6ft guy with a badge and a gun Sat at my doctors officer with the KGH security boy (Melissa Bouesma's baby father) and they both pants themselves at my eye level. Shane/Sean was to my left, Steve to my right. -------------------------------------------- Steve, Harmony Rd, Ken from the shelter, and your young blonde bus driver that drives the 16 bus --- they were present when I opened my eyes after I fell off the behemoth. I was ejected from the ride and closed my eyes. I went with Renee Landry.

The rest is history. I'm going to refrain from showing up to our hospitals That know absolutely fuck all/like to take turns prodding and torturing us like Orville and Steve.

I can't remember if Steve gave me the vaccine before or after the explorative surgery in March 2021. But I remember Urbach with his hospital cap sitting in the passenger side of my best friend's vehicle with him in the driver seat after this surgery had taken place. Thank you for asking everyone to leave the room. Thank you for meeting my best friend. Grace's dad.

That is all for now.

--------------

Steve had the audacity to stand before my family doctor and Mark Evans wife and children in Mark's home with the mantel. Gloria was by the mantel. Notice: Joiyce whatever the fuck your name is, if your career isn't over yet, your life surely soon should be. He had my girl from coffee way and one of the regulars in my kitchen hallway, and my eyebrow "hematoma" of gravol and deodorant and corrosion needing cut out. The needle holes at the inner eyebrow, were a case of bad botox/bad dentist with a needle. You can compare it by the gauge. It comes out grey and crusty, sometimes the bottom of the iceberg pushes through it. And last night, with the right ear on my pillow, I could here all the crackling in my left, And my face fractures and fever level imprints on the sheet i put over my pillow - showing you all the unbalanced bone, like the broken sidewalk along concession near memorial centre track. It has spray paint on it. Oh and I was looking around to see if the other smokers breath was in the air last night too..... it was only mine.

[timeoverload]

I'm glad today is over. I haven't been in a very good mood. I woke up this morning at 3:30 after a nightmare. I tried to go back to bed but then I had 2 more in a row. They have been extremely vivid lately. I felt very uncomfortable and disoriented after that. It was hard to get out of bed.

I didn't have any eye cases scheduled this afternoon so I spent a lot of my time wrapping total pans and loading autoclaves. I spent most of my lunch break making phone calls and I didn't have time to get food so that made me feel like shit. I have been eating a lot better recently so that threw me off.

They gave me a 2 hour decontam shift at the end of the day. 6 cases got done while I was back there and most of them were totals so there was a lot to clean. The instruments seemed bloodier than usual and I think the techs were too lazy to wipe things off in the operating room like they are supposed to. I had to pick cement off of impactors which is something that we're not supposed to have to worry about anymore since it's the tech's job to remove it in the room before it hardens. A lot of sets were mixed together so I had to take extra time to sort things out. They were all just trying to go home and someone even left a patella on the dirty cart. It's definitely not the first time that has happened to me but it pisses me off when they don't even try to make our jobs easier. It's not my job to dispose of body parts but I still get stuck doing it sometimes. I didn't expect to have to close decontam either so it ended up being 2 and a half hours instead. It was so hot and I got so sweaty. The dirty water soaked through my gown so I was drenched when I got done. I felt so gross afterward. I just hate being trapped in that room because it's such a miserable place to be. I don't want to do it anymore.

I was glad that I got to leave once I had everything cleaned up. I hobbled out of there as fast as I could. I threw up in the parking lot when I got to my car because I overdid it.

I came home and took a shower immediately and made some food so I feel a little better I guess. I'm sore now though and I lifted too much today. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow because I have 30 eye cases and there are 20 total joint surgeries. There are also a lot of robotic surgeries and other procedures. I don't know how I'm going to make it through the next 2 days but I know I will somehow. I will probably be crabby.

I'm a little disappointed because I can't go fishing with the person that invited me to go with her a couple weeks ago. For some reason she had the impression that I had my own fishing pole and access to a kayak. She never told me I needed to have that stuff initially so I was confused. I also didn't realize that she was expecting me to drive like 3 hours to the lake by myself. It seems like she has been trying to dissuade me from wanting to go like she regrets asking me in the first place. She goes fishing with the autoclave repair man. He's a nice guy but I'm not sure if I want to hang out with him outside of work. I think they have something going on between them so I don't really want to be a third wheel anyway. I guess they text all the time. He has mentioned in the past that he's unhappily married so it makes me uncomfortable. I shouldn't make assumptions like that but I would like to avoid being put in an awkward situation. Their relationship is none of my business so I want to stay out of it. I probably shouldn't try to hang out with people from work anyway. I used to try to do that years ago but it never ended well. It just starts drama. I'm just too boring and weird and don't have much in common with anyone. I guess I will keep being a hermit. I'm really bummed out because summer is already almost over and I didn't get to do anything that I wanted to do.

I've also been stressed about my kitties all day too. All 3 of them are overdue for check-ups. They are behind on vaccinations and licensing. They deserve better and I feel like a bad cat mom. They are just hard for me to transport. Harry is very heavy and Soupy and Salazaar have to go together because they freak out if they get separated. I need to get them new carriers. I hope that I can figure out a way to get them to the vet soon because I've been worried about them. I want to get them a new cat tree and new toys too but I need to get caught up on some more of my bills first. I feel like I haven't been able to give them the attention they need.

I decided that I'm going to stay home next Wednesday and Thursday because I need a vacation and I have been saving my sick days. I'm planning on getting some things sorted out during that time. I'm going to try to be productive and get more organized. I am lucky that there aren't any eye cases scheduled Tuesday afternoon so I can go to my appointment without it being a hassle and I don't need to find someone to cover for me. I lied to my boss and told her that I had a doctors appointment on Tuesday and I needed to leave a little early and she said that was fine. I had to say I was going to the doctor and not the tattoo shop because I didn't want to get denied. I'm hoping that next week will be better than this one has been so far. I'm looking forward to having some extra time off. I also have my ultrasound next Friday. I'm not excited to do that but at least I am getting it taken care of so I can figure out what's wrong with me.

I'm so tired right now. I don't think I will be able to stay up very late tonight. I hope I can have some good dreams for once. I'm all ready for bed and I'm going to try to relax for a while. I need to mentally prepare myself for tomorrow. I'm trying to stay optimistic that it will be better than I'm expecting it to be. I will try to make it a good day.

[russellsppttemplates]

Surprises (George Russell)

Note: english is not my first language

I really wanted to write something for George for his first pole position and I had this is mind

Feedback is appreciated 🤍 and although I'm not taking requests per se, if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so!

Free Practice at the Hungaroring had been everywhere, FP3 ending with the William's cars in the top 3, "That is something I haven't seen in a while, and I have been here for a long time", one of the older engineers said, the rest of the team agreeing with the surprise laps. And when Qualifying came around, George's pace seemed promising and as they progressed the sessions, George getting his first pole position. The team cheered from the garage until after he got his Pirelli tyre. Many messages of support flooded his phone, either from social media or from his text app, much like yours had ended up there, "Congrats on pole position, my love! I'm so proud of you, call me when you get the chance, I love you!" could be read on his screen. After the team dinner and some discussions about the race tomorrow, George got in his room, discarding his trainers and getting rid of his team raincoat, placing it in one of the hooks. Texting you to see if you were still up, he replied he was going to take a quick shower and then you would videocall after you texted that you were still awake despite being tucked in bed. "Hi handsome, congratulations on your pole position", you said as soon as the connection was settled, George appearing on your screen, his upper body against the headboard of the bed allowing you to appreciate his body as well as his face, hair still damp from the shower as he began to tell you about the day. "I don't think anyone was expecting it but yeah, we did it! Toto even asked everyone on the team to write down in detail every single thing they did since they woke up and what they had for their meals", he chuckled, "That just means everyone's doing a good job, that the car is heading where it is supposed to be. How are you feeling about tomorrow?", you asked, snuggling further into the pillow on George's side of the bed as you pushed the sleeves of his sweater tighter against your fingers, "I feel good about it, I know I have Charles and Carlos right behind me and they'll put up a fight but so will I", he said confidently, "I wish I could be there even more now... And that client isn't as great as they portrayed, the meeting today was just boring stuff and nothing was decided because 'we have tomorrow anyway', ugh", you tried to imitate his voice, "who is that happy to be stuck in a meeting on a Sunday? I love what I do but I also hate it a lot", you exasperated, remembering the client that insisted that the meeting had to be during the weekend, and coinciding with the last race weekend your boyfriend had before break, one where he would be starting on pole. "Wish you were here too, darling. But hopefully you have a good meeting and you can go home and watch the race", he expressed, "realistically, I think the only thing that will come out of that meeting is my brain cells because that man is possibly the slowest thinker I've ever met. But I have already said that I have to be home by midday so I can eat and watch the race, that was non negotiable... and, also, because I'm doing these weekend hours they're giving me two more days of holidays", you beamed. "So two more days where I have to handle you?", George teased, "yeah, a whole 48 hours more of me attached to your hip, I warned you when we got together, you knew what you were getting into, mate", you teased back, "in all seriousness though, I can't wait to spend some time just the two of us, no work to be done quickly and phonecalls all the time. Also, when you get back on Monday, your sister and I thought that we could get together here with everyone, have some dinner", you launched the ideia. Family time was very important to George and you knew that he tried to split his time so he could see them as often as possible, so a nice dinner would be a good way to start summer break, "yeah, that sounds lovely", he replied, talking some more and then bidding you goodbye.

As you suspected the meeting hadn't been all that successful but right now you were just focused on getting home, heating some leftovers from last night and then sit on the sofa to watch your boyfriend race, one of his Mercedes t-shirts wrapping the top half of your body. George lead a good number of laps until he started feeling the pressure from other drivers, and a few battles along the way granted him the third place on the podium. Knowing the team wanted to celebrate the weekend that night, you shared a quick call with him before he headed out to celebrate.

The next morning you left the house early so you could buy some ingredients that were missing for your dinner and desserts, rhe cake you had planned to bake needging a few more and more specific ingredients than the usual ones you kept in the cupboard. When you arrived back home, you put your hair up in a bun and an apron over your comfy clothes, gathering everything and starting with the baking. George would be arriving after lunch so you wanted to get everything ready by then, not wanting to spoil your surprise. Your grandma had made a cake the last time she came to visit you and George, the recipe a classic of hers and George had loved it, wishing it was something he was able to have everyday on his diet, and now that he was taking a break and celebrating his race, you felt like making it for him, along with some other recipes he and his family had showed appreciation for when you had baked them in the past.

Snacking as you went along, you didn't feel hungry enough for lunch, beginning to tidy the mess away as the hour George had told you he'd be arriving approached. You had been sitting down on the sofa for no longer than 30 minutes when you heard the gravel outside along with the engine sound slowing down until it stopped, prompting you to go to the door to greet your boyfriend, "You're back, I missed you, how was the flight?", you said as he entered the door, taking off his shoes while he pressed kisses to anywhere he could reach on your face, "It was good, happy to finally be home, and to be with you. Too lonely out here without me?", he asked, grabbing your hand as he made his way to the kitchen door, "No no no", you grabbed him by his waist, "you can't go in there", you ordered, "Why? Did you blow up our kitchen?", he chuckled, "first of all Mr Russell, I am a very good cook and know how to take care of my kitchen, thank you very much. Second, I have a something in there, that is not burnt," you emphasised, "that I don't want you to see yet", trying your best pouty lip, not wanting him to see the cake you had prepared. "Alright, I won't look, I promise. But can I get a bottle of water, please?", he asked, making his way to the living room as you went to grab it for him from the fridge, "thank you my love", he said as he pressed his lips to your hand.

After enjoying being in eachothers embrace, it was time to get dinner started, turning on the oven as you grabbed everything you needed from the cupboard, setting the table in a simple way and ready for the guests. "I feel like I should help you but I'm afraid of setting foot in the kitchen and seeing whatever it is you don't want me to see", George started as he helped arranging the table, "I can stay in the kitchen and bring the things to the door and you carry them to the table", you suggested, earning a nod from your boyfriend, "you know what this feels like? My mum used to do this to me and my siblings when she had desserts she didn't want us to touch in the kitchen, she would make us stand outside. Did you make a dessert? Oh, I hope it's that really good one from your grandma's recipe", he mused. You had been caught, "my grandma has many recipes", you replied, "all of them are good really, I don't mind which one", he said as you handed him the last plate with some entrées, hearing the knock on the door, "that should be your family, can you get it, love?", you asked as he made his way to the door and you carried on checking the food in the kitchen, happy with how it was coming along.

Cheers and congratulations could be heard from the corridor and living room, your boyfriend greeting everyone that arrived as you wiped your hands on a kitchen towell and headed out to greet them as well. "Y/N, dear, it's so good to see you", his mother, Alison, hugged you as you went around hugging everyone else, asking if they had made a safe trip there, "Auntie Y/N", you heard George's nephew and niece call for you, your legs being immediately hugged by them, "Hi guys, look how grown up you are, you must've gotten taller since I last saw you", you ruffled the hair on their heads before greeting everyone else. You and George lead them to the dining are as they started picking on the food there while you finished it up in the kitchen, "Auntie Y/N, can we come in? Uncle George is not with us", the children asked as you allowed them in, showing them the checkered cake you baked, "this is a surprise for Uncle George", you said with your finger on top of your lips making a 'shh' noise, "because he was the first driver at the start of the race?", one of them hinted, "yeah, and because he was on the podium yesterday too!", you answered and they giggled their way out of the kitchen as you went to call for help, "anyone can help me with the trays from the oven?", getting affirmative answers from George's sister Cara and her husband. Dinner had been lovely, everyone enjoying the food and overall just some wholesome family time, George's hand always close to you under the table as he chatted away.

"Now it's time for your surprise, so if you could close your eyes for me", you asked George as his nephew was quick to get down from his seat, "I'll help too!", the both of you heading to the kitchen to grab the cake and a bottle of a homemade liquor from your parents, handing the little boy the bottle that was lighter than the cake on the stand.

Setting it all on the table, gasps went around the table, George's family recognising the baked good, "It's not fair that you know what it is and I don't", George complained, "You can open your eyes now silly, I hope you like it. Congratulations on your first pole position my love", you said pressing a kiss to the top of his head. Opening his eyes, George was presented with what he said would easily be the best cake recipe he ever had, despite having him mother right in front of him, "I knew it, you were being so secretive about it, I was so sure the checkered cake was coming, it's a shame your grandma isn't here", he said, "Well, I'm sure it's not as good as hers, I swear hers always tastes different, but I did my best", you said as you cut it up and started giving the plates to everyone, "I'm sure it's amazing, thank you darling", George said as he grabbed the hand that was grabbing the plates and kissed the inside of your wrist.

You were now lounging on the living room, only Cara and her husband, and their children, were left as the others decided to head back home earlier, "Uncle George, when are we going to have a cousin? Because my friend Max from school is getting a baby cousin next week. Can we have one too? Next week as well?", his niece asked, and everyone giggled, a blush coming on your cheeks, "mummy said that cousins are the babies from uncles and aunties, and you're an uncle and an auntie", they pointed between you. Sharing a look between you and his sister and brother in law, George replied smiling, "Well, you can't just ask for a cousin and have them come right away, it's not how it works", you tried to reason.

"What a shame, I wanted a cousin to play with me on my game", his nephew said, "and I wanted a cousin to go karting with me next month", his niece said, following her brother's sulking expression, making everyone break into full belly laughs, the children not understanding why the adults were laughing about their badly timed wishes.

After everyone left, you and George tidied the downstairs area before locking up and heading to your bedroom, getting ready for bed. "Is it something you want? To have kids, I mean", George started, "Yeah", you smiled. You had briefly talked about it before on those nights where neither of you could fall asleep and you were in the living room musing about the future, "maybe not now, but in a couple of years, I would like that a lot", you said as you snuggled closer to him, pressing a kiss to his naked chest your had missed sleeping on.

[frenxio]

Venti x reader -  𝗢𝗯𝘃𝗶𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝗷𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗼𝘂𝘀𝘆

𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: 𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗳𝗳 𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.1𝗞

A/N: I'm not exactly proud of this one </3

Ever since Venti, or Barbatos you should call, has become the Anemo Archon, you two have been close friends. You follow around the bard, and you figured this out yourself but, he enjoys quiet places. Such like the Whispering Woods or Starsnatch Cliff. He would play his lyre and sing his heart out with poetic lyrics. There was not one piece that belonged to him you despise. Expect one he does that you makes your blood boil to the core.

"Venti!" You slammed the door to Angel share, causing the crowd to zip up their mouths. However Venti stayed loud. Luckily, he was easy to spot amongst humans who dressed unlike him. "You-! Come here! You drank too much already!"

You saw him flirting with women. He delicately touched her naked shoulder and down to her arm to suggest his mature motive. It made you clench your fist even tighter, then pulled him off the girl. "Did you not hear me? I said you're drinking too much!"

"Then let me drink some more!~" he giggled, hiccuping while he held tightly on his beer, struggling to stand up off the floor. "Want to join me?"

You rolled your eyes and groaned, shaking your head and instead of letting him lie dead there until morning, you dragged him out as he whined and cried. Before you left however, you had to apologise to Diluc standing behind the counter. As a response, he just nodded and continued wiping the moist glasses.

Mondstadt was quiet during night time, the only thing breaking the silence was your loud, heavy and angry steps, returning to your abode with the drunk man dragged along the rocky ground. Was he really a God?

"Y/n!~ please, I want to go back!" He wiggled his arms around the air, being unable to walk, and attempted to lightly hit you but, you kept a safe distance incase he had turned violent. "Please? Let me go, please? I beg you!"

You let out an irritated sigh, "then answer this, why do you always drink?"

"Because alcohol tastes good!"

"No, come with me to my house."

"Oh my, my body is not ready yet!" He hugged himself in an attempt to hide his body. As if there was anything to hide. His feelings were clearly out in the open for everybody to see. His body was well covered with clothes but, except for his Archon uniform. He hit different wearing those clothes.

An irk mark appeared on your head, and you only walked faster to go back to your house. Finally, you threw him on the living room couch and prepared a glass of water, hoping to the Archons that he would sober up a little and have an understanding of his inappropriate acts while drunk. "Here, drink up."

He pouts, but ends up drinking the whole thing anyway. Sometimes you'd convince him that he was chugging down vodka, but no, of course not. You knew it was just water. He's too drunk to realise that. He's unaware of your romantic feelings for him as well. Every little flirtatious interaction with other females gets you to feel jealous. You hated that, perhaps he knew that you liked him and he's found an opportunity to end your feelings for him just by being more with other girls.

"It tastes weird... Is it water!? Did you give me water?" He said.

You carried him bridal style and walked to the guest bedroom. Signaling that he was going to sleep there by himself and stuck your tongue out as a response. "It always has been."

He sulked again, crossing his arms as you gently laid him on the bed. For fucks sake, he was heavy as hell despite his size. Do all gods feel heavy? Maybe you could travel around the world just to check their weight. There's no such device as a weight check device, unless Fontaine created one.... Wait! No, back to the topic at hand.

"Ugh, no now I'm tired. Why do you always steal me away from the Tavern?" He asked with pure curiosity. His face was red, he reeks of alcohol.

You slammed a huge bottle of water by his side of the bed, then sat down on a chair that rested next to him. "It's bad for your body if you drink alcohol daily."

You took the blanket and laid it over his body, and gently patting it. Your face was cold the entire time you helped him this night, and he couldn't help but stare at you. He never noticed how much you cared about him until now since he thought you were preventing him from having fun, but now that you answered his question, it sort of tickled his heart.

He wrapped his arms around your waist and hummed with eyes closed. "You care so much about me! Do you like me or something?"

You flinched, diverting your gaze away from the man himself. Your first love. Brushing his arms off you, you left him wondering if you really do have feelings for him while humming in response. Was it? It was neither a yes or no. It wasn't a confession at all.

Your actions snapped him awake. The only thing he could see were your reddened ears. He could only assume...

"Wait, do you actually?"

"Just go to bed."

You closed the door shut behind you before going to your room, when you heard the door slam behind you. You whipped your head around to see Venti, well Barbatos, blushing ear to ear. His eyes were sparkling and his smile was wide. "I like you too! No, I love you!"

He ran to you and hugged you again. Your face was heating up again. Gosh, what should you do? Should you deny it? "Come on, Venti... Let go. You're drunk, just rest."

"No. Do you like me too?"

Unavoidable gaze. He has it, and you couldn't ignore it. You were hesitant, but you returned his hug and nuzzled your face in his neck. "For a long while now." But can he be yours? Although he says that he likes you now, there were still girls who he flirted with.

"Me too. I love you too." He patted your head. "Were you jealous of them?"

You nodded.

He smiled. "We're all friends. They think I'm a girl."

You chuckled, "I can see why they'd think that."

"Maybe I should have a change of appearance?" Venti sighed, sulking. Oh how it feels to be in his shoes. To look like a girl yet can't be identified if truly male.

"No." You pushed yourself away from him and cupped his warm, red cheeks. Staring at him in the eye with a loving look. "You're mine now. I'm the only one you need to impress."

[angstyx]

Dalmatians and Cows

CC!Dream x Reader

Word Count: 500+ words

Summary: Although you were tired, you refused to go to sleep. Unfortunately, your mind wasn't in its best state when you were tired.

TW: slight cursing

None: this is a fic for @thenotsohottopic’s 300 followers event! Congrats again, lovely! [Click here if you want to enter as well] Anyways, enjoy reading :)

Prompts [bolded]:

"Are dalmatians and cows related?"

"What drugs are you on?"

Masterlist // Rules for Requesting

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Saying that you were tired was an understatement, you woke up early today and barely had any coffee. Although you wanted to stay awake, you knew you had to sleep. You could barely even think properly — something that you hated when you were sleepy. Rubbing your sore and tired eyes, you check the time on your phone again, 3:42 AM.

You yawned for the- what? Fifth time today? Tenth time? You couldn’t keep count since the yawns kept adding up. At the sound of your yawn, Clay turned his chair to you and looked at you worryingly. It was pretty late and you should’ve gone to sleep a while ago. "Babe I think you should go to sleep now..."

Shaking your head, you reply back stubbornly. "I’ll be fine, babe! Besides, I want you to go to sleep with me as well! You’ve been working on your video for a while now and I’m getting worried…” Your boyfriend smiles at you adoringly as he turns back to his computer. "Alright then don’t worry, I'll be done soon"

You began humming a quiet song — one that's been stuck in your head for a while now — as you kept scrolling down your phone. Adjusting your position on you and your boyfriend's bed, you yawned again. A strange question popped in your head and because you were so tired, you didn't think how weird it was.

"Are dalmatians and cows related?"

You weren’t directing the question to anyone really, you were just talking to yourself. Your boyfriend, mid drinking his water, spits out his drink as he hears your question. He quickly turns towards you as he furrows his eyebrows.

"What the fuck? What drugs are you on?"

You scoff, "I'm just curious okay!" Thinking that it was late enough already, Clay quickly saved what he edited so far for his video and turned off his computer. He got off his chair and headed towards you.

“Okay that's it, you're going to bed."

Your phone was immediately snatched out of your hands as it got turned off and placed on a bedside table. You groaned, "But I'm not tired!" Your immediate yawn after your claim made your boyfriend laugh as you glare at him.

"What about the video you have to edit?" As you two got into bed, Clay flopped the blanket over you two. "That can wait, our fucked up sleep schedules are more important." You laugh quietly as you and Clay get into a cuddling position. Warmth quickly invaded your body as you felt even more tired.

“Good night, babe”

“Well it’s kinda the morning now but-“ You groaned into your pillow.

“Im too tired to even argue, just shut the fuck up, Clay” You said jokingly.

Clay rolled his eyes at you. “Okay fine! Good night”

It didn't take long before you fell asleep, your boyfriend's arm around your waist, the occasional sounds of trees rustling outside, and the familiar feeling of butterflies flying peacefully in your stomach.

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