#anyway... i'm really grateful for my current close friendships for not being this

[pianocat939]

Yandere Chrollo Hcs/Mini-Story

I couldn't conceal the thoughts anymore- they were eating me up so bad. I RAMBLED. LIke this feels more like an informative thing than an actual narrative style so I'm sorry lmao. It's so unorganized too.

(The entire story is based on the fic I'm working on, but with more detail on characteristics and what not.)

Tw: brief mentions of kidnapping, implied controlling behaviour, Chrollo's character is altered but is in correlation to the past I've thought of.

MC is from Meteor City, and was Chrollo's best friend. But- They end up being kidnapped, and having retreograde amnesia. (I'm not going to go into further detail just because I don't want to spoil to anyone who is currently reading my fic) Meanwhile, Chrollo is absolutely obsessed with MC. He trusted them more than anyone, and all of the sudden they disappeared.

Chrollo, who slowly grows cold-hearted without MC, starts to resent whatever happened to them. He's desperate to know what happened to them. As he first builds the troupe (As an actual gang of thieves), his personal mission is to find MC.

Some of the troupe members know this goal he has. Especially if they were friends with MC before they were kidnapped. So they try to help him in anyway possible.

A few years of searching, the troupe manages to locate MC. But when Chrollo goes to meet them, everything just falls apart. They don't remember him at all. To him, this is devastating since he had practically devoted over half of his life to them. He becomes more unstable with his internal conflicts.

Since there's no photos or records of their memories, Chrollo repeats his fondest moments with them. He is desperate to get them to remember their friendship.

The most prominent memory he will say is the time he found a near-brand new toy and gave it to them. To which MC was grateful of his search back then. This memory is also the start of his obsession (which explains why this event in particular is the most important).

Slowly, MC manages to remember their memories with him. It takes a while, honestly. Maybe a few months. But MC is incredibly happy to see him alive and well. Only for one thing to be a downfall...

MC doesn't view him romantically at all.

Well, since MC is just barely recovering their moments they really only focus on what happened. Since they were children at that point, MC holds nothing but platonic affection for him.

Chrollo, however, is down bad for MC. He would and honestly will devote himself to their life. He doesn't care for much in his life. But he does care for the one thing that made him feel any joy. Over the years they were apart, Chrollo develops an almost glorified view of MC. He thinks they can do no wrong, and anything against them is his enemy too.

Now, Chrollo will kidnap them. No questions. Of course MC is freaking out, but once they see more old friends they know they're screwed.

Moving on to more about what Chrollo will be like with MC during captivity:

In front of the troupe members, he acts very nonchalant. He won't do any more than keep their side pressed to his or have them sit on his lap.

Alone? He's fucking insane. He'll do a lot for MC. He'll do most requests for them in a way to prove his "worthiness" to stay by their side. He wants them to rely on him so he can keep them obedient to his affections. The reason I even mention this as a worshipping characteristic of him is because back when they were children, Chrollo had friends. MC, however, was like his true best friend. The one he could trust wholeheartedly no matter what. Which I think is still left behind in his mind.

Also, while he's alone: definitely more affectionate. He tends to give lots of pecks on their face or hold them close. In his most vulnerable moments, he likes to do a few nuzzles. It's like he reverts back to being the clingy friend he was all those years ago.

In a way he's possessive. My idea of him is weird. So one side, he wants to prove his worth to MC so they'll acknowledge him as they did before. But on the other side, he wants a feeling of superiority and reliability.

He talks about fate often, mostly about the connection between the two. He'll repeat at least multiple times a week that fate has led them together just as they were before. He also loves to mention that they're his and he's theirs.

...

(OK. I'm done. I rambled so much help- it's really unorganized. Nonetheless, this is the most I've written in one go in a while. So that was fun.)

(I know I altered his character quite a bit, but that's because I altered his past as well. So it kinda goes hand in hand.)

- Celina

[words-with-wren]

@chrumblr-whumblr Day Four: Watching while a loved one is hurt

Fandom: Endeavour. Post 4x04 Harvest. I watched the episode like a week ago and Forgot Details and haven't rewatched it to fact check anything so if something doesn't line up with canon oh well ignore that. I just love Morse and Miss Frazil's friendship SO MUCH i wanted to explore it a little. (May cannibalism this scene if i ever get around to writing my 'joan says yes' au)

word count: 1,563

___

Dorothea wasn’t sure when it had happened, exactly, but somewhere through the years her acquaintance with Morse had shifted from a respectful professional relationship to genuine friendship. It was a development that hadn’t been entirely intentional, but there was something about the young man that made her think he hadn’t had much friendship in his life. There was a hungriness about him, a desperate desire to be loved that she was sure he didn’t admit even to himself. 

She found him almost on accident, the day after everything at the Bramford power plant had been wrapped up. He was sitting at the bar of the pub, nursing a pint and staring morosely at an untouched crossword in front of him. Dorothea took him in for a long moment, seeing the bags under his eyes, the exhaustion in the way he sat, leaned over the bar. He was staring at nothing, eyes dull and half glazed over, clearly lost in thought. 

He looked positively worn out, and Dorothea felt her heart clench at the sight of him. He was so brilliant, so young and full of energy. Had a brain so fast and wonderful, but life had beaten him down so quickly. He didn't share much, but Dorothea had years of investigative journalism behind her--she could read between the lines, could pick out a story in the shapes left behind by absence. Not for the first time she thought he was a man too used to caring and not used to being cared for. 

To break the ice, she cleared her throat and sat down at the stool beside him. He started, torn out of his thoughts and the lost expression on his face shifted into a small smile. 

“Miss Frazil,” he greeted, shifting his newspaper aside to give her room. She smiled back at him, placing her handbag on the bar. “Can I get you a drink?” 

“I'm alright, thank you Morse,” Dorothea answered. She eyed the mostly empty glass in his hands, wondering how many he'd finished before she had arrived. Best not to bring more alcohol into the equation--heaven knows he could drink enough without encouragement. 

She started with work, knowing he would close himself off immediately if she pushed too hard too quickly. 

“You were at the plant, were you not?” she asked. A wary expression crossed Morse's face, but he seemed to relax a little nonetheless. She thought back to their last conversation, when she had dropped him off by an empty field. He'd opened up then, just a little. Bared himself just enough to show his hurt, but not quite enough for her to do anything about it. “Anything you can tell me?” 

The request pulled a small smile from him, something Dorothea was grateful to see. He rolled his pint between his hands and shook his head, turning to look at her. There was a cut along his hairline she noted--that hadn't been there last she saw him. 

“I'm afraid not,” he said. He still seemed distant, mind on other things. Not fully engaging in their usual dance as they tried to tease information out of the other. 

“The official story is a fire,” she said. His hand drifted to the cut. He nodded. 

“Best to leave it at that,” he said. She waited, long years of experience telling her the best way to get information out of someone was to wait. Let him tell her in his own time. 

Though it wasn't really what had happened at the plant she wanted to know. Not right now, at least. Like as not, it wasn't going to be anything she could publish anyway. 

What she really wanted to know was what was bothering him. It was more than this current case, more even than his flat being burgled earlier in the week. She knew him well enough to see it in the way he sat, the line of his shoulders, the shadows in his eyes. 

“Off the record, sabotage,” he said finally. This time he did press his hand to the cut on his forehead. “Some plot by Bagley, planning to leak radiation into the nearby area to prove just how dangerous nuclear energy is.”

Now that would be a juicy story. The part of Dorothea that was pure journalist wanted to dig deeper into it, chase the story, share it with the world. But from the way Morse was hunched, from the sensitivity of the situation, she knew that this would be another story by the wayside. Another time societal requirements won over the truth. 

Sometimes she felt a little bitter about that. But she told herself to keep looking forward, finding the next story, uncovering the next truth. 

“And you stopped it,” she said and he nodded, his attention still wandering. “You alright?” 

It was an innocent enough question, one she knew wouldn't shut him down immediately. There were a lot of ways to answer that, and Morse could choose how much he shared. 

“I'll live,” he said. She wasn't surprised by the answer; it was a dismissal, his way of saying he didn't want to talk. Not quite fully a lie, not quite fully vulnerable. 

He infuriated her, sometimes. He was so clearly in need of someone looking out for him, but he was so stubborn he refused to accept help, let alone ask for it. 

Sometimes she wanted to force him to stop, put him up in her small apartment for a week so she could put some meat on his bones and light in his eyes. Drive it into his stubborn skull that people cared and he didn't have to go at life alone. 

“Really?” she asked gently. 

He let out a long breath and emptied the last of his beer. 

“Still don’t feel entirely safe at home,” he admitted. “Feels too empty.” 

She nodded sympathetically. She knew a little about feeling vulnerable in a place that was supposed to be safe--it had been a few months since her kidnapping by Leyton-Asprey, and she still felt uneasy being alone in her office. Coming home to find his space invaded so violently had clearly shaken Morse and she couldn’t find fault in that. 

But he was using it as a shield, holding up the reasonable excuse so she didn’t dig any deeper, uncover the actual source of his hurt. Always hiding himself, was Morse. And Dorothea hated not knowing the truth. 

She let the silence sit for another moment, pondering her next course of action. It was always a delicate balance with Morse, finding the line between getting him to open up to her without shutting down fully. He needed to come at his own pace, but he needed to know she wanted to know. She wanted to share whatever his hurt was, help him in whatever way she could. 

She thought maybe he didn’t have many people he could feel safe opening up to, and she didn’t want to break the trust they had built over the years. 

“There was a girl.” 

His words came as a surprise, and it took Dorothea a second to process them. He spoke them softly, a mix of hurt and bitterness mingling in his voice. 

She thought back to that last conversation in the car on the country road. He’d denied a girl then, a scoffing almost-bitter voice proclaiming he didn’t have anyone. She’d thought it was a laden admission at the time, and now she felt a little vindication. 

It wasn’t sweet vindication. Not seeing how he was hunched into himself, not seeing the heaviness in his eyes. Heartbreak, she realised. Not something new to him, she concluded. 

“Ah,” she said softly. Morse stared into his empty pint glass. 

“She… had some trouble,” he said finally, looking anywhere but at Dorothea. “I couldn’t help her. She didn’t let me help her.” 

‘Sounds familiar,” Dorothea thought, expression soft and understanding as she looked at Morse. 

“I’m sorry,” she said finally, not knowing how else to help. She was glad he had let her in, glad he had shared at least something. Gently, she reached across the bar to squeeze his forearm. 

He started, looking down at her hand and then back up at her, seeming unsure what to do with the unexpected touch. Again, Dorothea couldn’t help but feel he had been so starved of everything a persons should have--love, intimacy, friendship. The knowledge that people care. 

For just a moment, he let her in fully. She saw the despair behind his eyes, the grief and loss. The hurt that informed every part of his life, walls and barriers and scars built up after a childhood starved of love and an adulthood seeing the worst of humanity. 

Then he shifted, pulling his arm away and looked back down at the newspaper in front of him. The moment was over, the walls were back up. Once again, he locked her out and was alone in his hurt. 

Dorothea knew there was nothing she could do for him except just wait until the next time he was brave enough to be vulnerable. For now, maybe that would be enough. 

“I’ll buy you a drink,” she said, sensing the companionship would be of more use than anything else right now. He flickered a small, forced smile in her direction and picked up a pen to start filling out the crossword. 

[taski-guru]

Somewhere over the Reindeer

..Blue birds fly

̶A̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶r̶e̶a̶m̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶O̶h̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶,̶ ̶o̶h̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶I̶.̶.̶ ̶I̶,̶I̶!̶

Alright, I am finishing another YCH, but first quick clumsy silly sketch and news exchange, I think I need to share time by time something with other people, like my psychotherapist advised (she meant that not only talking to friends but being open to other type of communications, quick talk with mutuals / watchers and so on)

I am not used to it, but this year holds for me many new things, heh? Mostly bad ones thou/ For example, what do you think about my sona with short hair? I personally think I look now even more alike my dad, lol. In his early 20s

Also got injured recently or rather, I was hit by a kitchen unit that I didn't hang on the wall properly. I'm not badly hurt, but I have a bruise on my temple and above my eye because of the angle hit. It could have been worse, so I'm not worried. Better me than poor Rendezvous anyway, sadly other acquaintances can't help me due to their daily job. My friends would help me, but they all are aboard now(. Breaks my heart to see they also suffer to see me like this(

It's even funny (if it can be funny) how often I suffer with my eye, a few years ago I had a huge chalazion that tormented me a lot. And a few years ago I had vestibular neuritis, after which my facial muscles remained immobile for a long time and one of my eyes would not open properly. Thanks god I can at least see now after the hit.

I often had health troubles earlier (diabetes related) but now I also lost access to my old insulin and to all decent insulin in general, I tried two types so far and it's obvious that my body refuse to functioning well with it, previous year was bad, but current one scares me, I got surgery and another one is ahead in a year or two (a polyp reduction) I'm afraid there's a connection (with change of insulin type) that my body has started growing tumors, but thank God they're benign ones. Still scary( Hope it won't get worse.

I am tired of hospital visits this year.

Most of these visits were also lonely ones since the only close friend suddenly started treated me in only two mods /snap on me/ being supper irritated or ignoring me like 80% of the time almost whole year. I still don't know what happens, most likely they have their own huge problems they don't want share with me, but idk. Being a jerk is being a jerk regardless your circumstances, as an old close friend I was hoping... not for much really, but at least for a some freedom of rudeness or a few words of support while I am in trouble.

I'll never know what happened, I think

thou I understand there is my fault too, uh( In many things. Only once I called them out for their harsh words and they did not take it well. Thou I don't know what to do, I am tired of tolerating rudeness over and over again this year. Maybe I should have stood up for myself when it's only started but I was scared that they are depressed and a serious talk will only get them angrier / sadder. Did not know what to do really.

They avoiding me now without even clear declaration of ending of relationships that lasted a half of our lives. Feels real bad how cheap our friendship turned out to be then and how many promises they made in the past in which I sadly believed. Can't say more since it's already is oversharing actually. Maybe if their sickly friend is such a trouble that not even worse of waste a few seconds for texting "hang in there" or "do you need help" or something than it's better to put it all at end. I will most likely getting more and more sick over the years if I will not return to my original insulin, so( But I am trying not to get bitter. Will try to hold onto best of our times in the past and be grateful for what we had before this terrible year. Did you have similar situations - what was your friends problems or excuses to act like this?

I believe one of the main reasons is emotional immaturity, when you are avoiding to sort out tensions and problems that sadly can be in any relationship - than it's collecting and grow until it explodes and then such persons play a card that said "I am tired from conflicts, I ignored them all the time before and I can't see connection with the situation we are getting into - can we avoiding sorting out conflicts further, I am already feel bad and you are to blame to make me feel even more bad for making solve this problem I am a part of! I am a victim now because when you said my actions offended you - you offended me, so I will dramatically sulk now"

That does not mean that friend of mine act like that I just described the behavior I saw on other immature people (all 20 and even 25+ thou -_- )

Such persons not only not understanding needs of others, but also they usually don't understand their owns so it's a very huge problem really what is even way beyond just to act childishly time by time, it's almost similar to some personalities disorders.

Not pretending being emotionally mature myself, but.. well.

Well sorry if this too much I actually just wanted to talk I think - if you want to share something as well, don't be shy Thank you for reading this. I am not used of sharing so many things with watchers but.. well let's see how it will work

I am also planing to share how my process of PTSD healing is going, will draw comics even then

Также можете рассказать как вы решаете проблему с инсулином 👀

[earlysunshines]

ramble about everything, na author!!! i really love when you just talk about the things you like :))

remember when we talked about love? when you wrote a lot! i was happy to read everything and re-read!

and your spanish is good, author!! i think even better than mine, i never studied spanish i just do some improvisation with my portuguese lmao

#latinas!!

now... a theme to ramble about... maybe, friendship? im having some thinking about my close friends... bc one of them changed her view on things and she's more... idk living on the edge? she said something that it's on my mind for a long time and i feel kinda uncomfortable, but it's my fault too, i didn't open up to her about what im really feeling and i don't think she knows anyway...

i just avoid conflict to be honest and I think this time ill have to speak my mind, but i feel kinda pressure to do so

man... im overthinking!

hahaha my love ramble was just a whole brain dump LMAO

i had to dig for the spanish in my memories i swear, i forgot so much.

anyways let me ramble ab the thing you sent!

friendship hmmm i've also been thinking ab my close friends. if she said something that made you uncomfortable i think it's best that you talk it out with her, make sure both sides are heard and always know that communcation is very important!! with that being said, make sure you convey your ideas and actually process them, not just spit them out and create a false resolution. i avoid conflict too, but it's really important to communicate if this friend is very close to you.

a couple of years ago i was stuck with friends that didn't really fit with me; my old friends were too judgy and i didn't like being around people like that and couldn't really be myself. i distanced myself from them and ended up branching out, because of them i hadn't really done that much, and branching out led me to such amazing friendships. i think a lot of my current, stronger friendships are thriving bc i can express myself freely and not feel judged, and if i have a problem it's not hard to express--but also there aren't many problems bc my friends and i are pretty tight and connected.

i think friendships are really important becasue they can lead you to your platonic soulmates, twin flames, etc. i have a couple friends at the moment that I love so much, and i'm very grateful for them. little ramble: i think the purpose of life is to build great relationships--but with that being said it doesn't have to be romantic. I think platonic friendships are so so sos so important and it's very important to work out difficulties for people that are worth doing it for if ykwim.

friends are so important and imo, many people you build relationships can be much mroe valuable than family/blood ties.

[shittybabypostsfordays]

do u know what’s rlly kinda fucked up?? i so often fall into the trap of getting close to people specifically because i’m trying to help them. and like. it’s happened enough that i can see it’s a Pattern and it makes me kinda angry!!!!

just like... i ended up exchanging phone numbers with a specific person because of a suicide scare. i ended up in a weird borderline codependent friendship with someone because of a suicide scare.

like, sometimes i wonder if it’s not broken people who are drawn to me, but if i’m drawn to broken people because that’s what i know. i was trained to be a caretaker and a support system of one. that is my familiar. that is my normal.

[saberstars]

I'm Here

Pairing: Gender Neutral Y/N & Loki

Fluff, angst, implied smut

Warnings: Mentions of depression/mental illness, epilepsy/seizures, mentions of sex, as always if I missed anything feel free to let me know

Summary: Loki & You have a pre-existing friendship with benefits & one night you have a seizure after some spiciness. He cares for you helping you afterwards & makes sure you rest easy & safe. Reader is portrayed to have seizures more so during changes in sleep phases, not awake. The wake seizures or more of a medium ish absence/ focal aware seizure that only occur on occasion & can be “fought” through.

Word Count: 1796

Notes: This was intended to be a gender neutral reader. I think I removed all he/she pronouns.

Additionally, I know that not everyone experiences seizures the same way, and that epilepsy can affect people differently. This is all written from my experiences with it, so I ask that you do not tell me I portrayed something wrong. I can and will accept constructive criticism, But I will not accept someone telling me blatantly that I am wrong with my experiences. Therefore please keep that in mind when reading. I genuinely hope this fic brings others comfort if you suffer from epilepsy or any disorder that causes seizures. Thank You <3

It’s been three years since you found out you suffered from epilepsy. A diagnosis that came late in your life to be fair. As a young child up until you reached adulthood, you suffered from eye shakes that would eventually turn into stuttering spells that made it difficult to breath or not breath properly at all. You never passed out though, you got close a few times, but you managed to stay awake and “fight it off.” You started to notice over time that you’d also get a strange taste in your mouth, almost like metal or as if you were sucking on a battery and it had that zing flavor. You knew that was a precursor and would panic on cue rightfully so. You hated when you had your mini stutter fests because all you could do was hope it didn’t happen.

Of course you complained to your parents as a child but they didn’t think it was anything. They said it was just a panic attack. So you took their word for it. That was until you started having grand mals in your sleep. At first you thought they were just a part of some strange dream, that wasn't real to you, not yet anyway. You would wake up exhausted, sore, sometimes unable to move properly, walk, open and close a fist, and you just overall couldn't stay conscious sometimes. Again you complained to your parents about it, but they said it was nothing. You probably had night terrors or some form of minor sleep paralysis. So you dumbly believed them.

When you moved out, You sought answers, and eventually got them. You were grateful. The medication they prescribed helped tremendously though, it did make you tired but it was worth not having your episodes. Thankfully your case wasn’t as severe as others and it was manageable so long as you took care of yourself and took your medications. Though you were warned, breakthroughs were common, and missing your dose can and would cause a seizure.

Despite having such a diagnosis, you kept it to yourself. You never really told anyone. It wasn’t until you started sleeping with a friend, that you finally divulged your secret too in the event that it ever happened whilst they were with you.

It was someone you randomly slept with on and off with. A friend with benefits, his name was Loki. You had met the god shortly after his father had passed and his home, destroyed. You found comfort with each other despite it being more of a sexual comfort. You both used sex as a way to fight your own demons, a distraction, a quick grab at serotonin. Despite the sex you both developed a very deep friendship. You’d read together on occasion, have very interesting debates on current events, history, as well as other nuances, and a lot of other things. You even met his brother and the avengers at one point.

You both slept soundly after spicy events had taken place 2 hours prior, Loki had come over desperate for attention of any kind. He didn’t say why, but you knew it was a rather serious topic he wished not to discuss and rather lessen the pain with ecstasy. Little did you know, on this day a few years ago he indirectly murdered his mother. He blamed himself dearly, he knew if he would have kept his mouth shut for once in his life she may be here today. So he needed a genuine distraction. One of any kind. Preferable you. Due to the spicy events that took place you missed your dose, due to falling asleep promptly after, which cost you dearly. Missing doses always caused this to happen no matter what.

You gasped for air like usual, your body contorting outwards first with a thrust. You were awake, conscious, and terrified for the few seconds you normally were given before blacking out. You began to stutter violently all the air leaving your lungs as it happened. Until no sounds were made and it was just you chattering. Loki woke immediately, with a completely calm exterior despite a raging mixture of emotions internally. He knew you never called an ambulance for these things because you were normally alone & unaware until you became conscious again. She made him promise to never call 911 unless it was over a certain time length, to save her medical expenses, or unless she stopped breathing for good.

Loki dare not touch you though as you shook and curled up. The last thing he wanted was his godly strength to crush you somehow or cause you more pain. Instead he watched and hovered until you finally stopped. It was a short 50 second one, which was under your time limit, but he still debated calling. It’s not like You would’ve known he lied.

His breathing hitched as he went to check your pulse and airway, ever so delicately, which were both clear and strong.

“Oh thank you.” he whispered

A few hours had slid by with still no response from you. Loki sat next to you, staring down at you, to the point where he would fight the urge to blink, waiting for a stir of some kind from you. He did give the courtesy of redressing you though, in a nightgown from a drawer after an hour slid past. He even went as far as ensuring that you were adequately covered by the blankets to avoid being chilled. It has been 3 ½ hours now, with no stir of any kind from you. He knew it would be awhile before you showed any signs of movement possibly but this worry tore him to his core. In the midst of waiting he refused to just idly go back to sleep next to you, he was determined to stay awake until you were conscious again, so that you knew, he stayed there waiting for you. Loki didn’t know when he found himself talking to you as if you were awake, but all he knew was that it made him feel a bit better, and he hoped that when you woke it would make you feel better too.

“You know, I’ve been reading this really dumb gothic romance novel. I think you’d like it because of how naive the girl is. I know you like to criticize and pick on how they make decisions.” he spoke with a chuckle in his voice thinking back to how you’d flail your arms and drop your book to scream about how dumb some main protagnist could be.

“I'll have to buy you a copy or give you mine when I’m done.” Loki shifted his weight from his right to his left brushing your bangs out of your eyes.

“I don’t know why you keep those so long, all they do is get in the way of your gorgeous eyes.”

It was in that moment you rustled, you shifted your neck ever so slightly, Your eyelids twitch. Loki leaned forward parting his lips as he watched with a heart of hope completely overwhelmed with joy when he saw the color of your iris’s. He exhaled a shaky breath cupping your cheeks which caused you to flinch sending a wave of shocks through your body. It was at that moment you knew. You knew what he saw, what he had gone through. Your heart sank and you immediately berated yourself internally despite your exhausted state.

“It’s ok you don’t have to say or do anything. I’ll stay, I’ll take care of you for as long as you need.” Loki assured you, wanting you to know that you didn’t have to go through this alone. You never really had anyone stay, let alone worry about you. Your eyes began to water as tears rolled down your face.

“I’ll go grab you some water, you’re probably parched. I’ll also grab you a banana. I read that potassium can help with the cramping.” Loki said leaving to yourself for a moment. He also grabbed tissues for your eyes and nose just in case. Upon returning her placed everything at your side offering help to sit up. “Do you need to use the bathroom or help sitting up?” He asked with a gentle tone.

You nodded trying to take a good deep breath so you could speak a bit. “I’m so sorry you had to see that… but thank you. Thank you for staying, for helping. I do need the bathroom and I would appreciate help. My legs are still...” you mustered out with all your might but after a point your tongue refused to work with you.

“Of course, I may be a monster but I’m not entirely cruel. If it helps… you can just think to yourself and I can listen that way. So that you're not struggling too much.” Loki admitted with a tone of self depreciation.

“You're not a monster just because you're different & have made mistakes.” you thought as Loki picked you up bridal style walking you to the bathroom. Of course he placed you down on the toilet and waited outside for you to do what you needed. Since he had only added a nightgown to your previously naked body it made things easier. It was exhausting to just sit up and do everything but you pushed through. You even pushed yourself up and limped to the sink best you could to wash your hands. Upon hearing the faucet though Loki came back in standing behind you offering support if needed.

“Catch me~” you thought before falling back into his arms with a snort.

“You're lucky I have godlike reflexes you minx.” He replied with a hint of flirtation. You had used more than you had in you to wash your hand. Loki caught you obviously and carried you back to the room placing you back on the bed. “No, more like I knew you were ready to catch me.” you slowly thought as exhaustion tugged at your consciousness again. Loki noticed the pill bottle on your dresser before prompting you to take it. Instinctively opening it and sliding one into his hand.

“You should probably take this before you fall asleep.” You took it mentally saying thanks drinking the glass of water with it.

“Yeah that would probably help avoid some added breakdancing.” You joked trying to use humor to lighten the situation. Loki stared plain faced trying not to entertain your joke though, despite finding it secretly witty. Maybe he’d laugh at it when you felt a bit better. Soon after you began to dance between awake and sleep. Loki took note based on how your thoughts jumbled around between multiple things, laughing to himself a bit before minor intrusive fears began picking at you. Loki immediately jumped into action in an attempt to squash them soothing you a bit.

“You can sleep soundly, please get some rest. You don’t have to force yourself to stay awake out of fear or guilt.” Loki spoke in the most caring and sweet tone he could muster up. Trying to convince you that it was going to be ok & it worked. Somehow you knew he was right & that you could trust him completely. You drifted back to sleep peacefully thinking about how for the first time in your life, you didn’t fear sleeping in your bed. You didn’t have intrusive thoughts about whether or not you’d wake up in the morning or not. Which honestly brought tears bubbling their way up and out of Loki's eyes. The amount of trust you had in him in your thoughts, at that moment completely took his breath away. And that was something he wasn’t going to break or ever lose.

[ripperdaddy]

the viktor vector romance path + ending we deserve

Disclaimer: This is definitely something I came up with in my head. There will be a few instances that are solely made up so it can tie in with the “story.” This is purely fictional; something I wished happened if there was a possible Vik romance 🥰 This is based on my general knowledge of the game & Vik’s life. All gifs + images are from my own personal play through, but wouldn’t be possible without the help of the Appearance Menu Mod, found on Nexus Mods by the creators, MaximiliumM and CtrlAltDaz. And the shirtless Vik mod by the lovely samsnak ♡

It would start after completing the Paid In Full quest where you pay Vik back the eddies you owe him.

I feel like realistically, the general player would have to be at least halfway through the story to have collected enough eddies. I would say that a good point in the story where we can begin the romance is that you’ve already established a connection to Alt and have dealt with the VDB’s.

I think it would be a short side quest like River’s. Vik already plays a big part in the story overall on his own, so I don’t think it’s necessary to make his “side quest” too long. His romance would just be an addition to the ending.

And as much as I would love for him to be a bisexual option for both male/female V, if we’re sticking with the game’s standard with limiting partners to only one kind of partner, he would only be romance-able by a female V with a feminine voice.

V: Finally scrounged up enough eddies to pay you back in full.

Vik: Hold on to ‘em just in case - you need ‘em more than me.

V: I’m not taking them all the way to my grave, Vik. Here. And.. thanks again for doing so much work on me ‘thout ever seein’ an enny.

Vik: That’s what friends are for.

Then, there is an additional option for dialogue to trigger the romance path.

V: Friends? I think you’ve been in and out of my body more than anyone else I’ve hooked up with in Night City.

He laughs, with a coy smile. “Well, can’t argue with you there. Why don’t we take some of these eddies and grab a drink. You know, to celebrate. Catch up on old times. Haven’t seen you round here much lately, kid.”

You agree to meet at the El Coyote Cojo tomorrow evening.

You meet around 9 PM and you are welcomed by the sight of Pepe and Vik at the bar.

V: Nice choice of venue.

Vik: Thought you’d like it. Haven't been here since.. well, you know.

V: I miss him, Vik.

Vik: I know, V. Me too.

You immediately take a seat and tinker with a few dialogue options, where you can either have a sweet moment talking about Jackie or some surface questions to ask, like how he’s doing, what kind of drink he likes, etc. But it all winds down to Jackie anyway, where Vik confides in you about his past. Judging by how Vik was so affected by Jackie’s death, and V’s (if you chose the suicide ending), you can tell that he has lost a lot in his life, and keeps his circle very small.

You then achieve an even closer, more personal relationship with him. But, ultimately nothing happens other than the usual, wait 24 hours in game for a text/phone call from Vik to head into the next stage. At least now, you have established the foundation for a future romance.

Halfway through the 24 hour period, you get a text from Vik thanking you for the lovely evening. No reply needed, as he calls you once the 24 hour mark hits and invites you out for another date.

You meet at Tom’s Diner for coffee in the afternoon. It starts off with him apologizing for being emotional the previous night and asks if you’re open to hanging out again and going down to Pacifica to watch a fight with him.

Vik: Hey, V. I just wanted to apologize about last night. I didn’t mean to be such a downer.

V: It’s okay, Vik. We share the same grief.

Vik: I was going to head down to Pacifica and catch a real good match later on today. I was wondering if you’d like to come along, think it’d be great for the both of us, you know, as a distraction.

pssst even Johnny’s rooting for y’all ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Johnny: Hmm, interesting.

V: What?

Johnny: Never thought you'd be going out with this guy.

V: Vik's amazing. And I mean--we basically owe it to him since he practically saved our life.

Johnny: Don't tell me you're going out with him out of pity.

V: I'm not.

Johnny: I know, I can feel you get all mushy-gushy. It's almost repulsive. Just wanted to hear you admit it.

V: Eat a dick, Johnny.

You arrive before the GIM and blend into the crowd.

V: Nothin’ like watching guys beat the shit out of each other to get your blood pumpin’, huh?

Vik: This is a real good matchup, V. This kid’s fresh, young talent.

V: You miss it, don’t you?

Before the fight begins, Vik shares a story about his time in the ring and coming in second in the Watson Boxing Grand Prix.

There’s some extra fun options in the dialogue, you can bet some eddies on who’s gonna win, or side with him. The fight ends, and you two head outside.

Since you’re already out in Pacifica, you head over to the boardwalk (where you would ride the roller coaster with Johnny) and he starts telling you about the last days of his boxing career and how he transitioned from the sport to being a ripperdoc.

You both share a sweet moment with each other, reminiscing about old times and talking about V’s future with the relic. This is where I would see Vik confessing how he feels about you, mentioning how grateful he is for Jackie introducing you to him.

The evening ends and Vik asks you to give him some time to try and dig up some footage from his storage and have you come over to watch. You can kiss him then wait another 24 in game hours before the last quest. Halfway through, he texts you and asks you what you’d like for dinner. You can opt for pizza or chinese.

I haven’t seen or read anything about how or where Vik lives. If I overlooked something, please let me know! But for the sake of the story, let’s say he does actually have his own place that’s now introduced in the game. Personally, I think he has a typical bachelor pad, like a really nice apartment. Not too far from his clinic either. He looks like he would just walk to work. Vik definitely has a lot of money, but he’s so humble I doubt he would choose to live lavishly. As mentioned in the beginning, he typically just “sleeps nights” ever since he was over “being a legend” so I’m guessing his lifestyle is very routine. He goes to work, goes home, sleep. Seems unlikely he has a place like the Peralez’s. It would probably be just the same as V’s but decorated to his taste.

The evening comes and you are over at his place. He’s dressed in just a white undershirt, no exo-glove. You get to know more about his family, how he grew up — scanning things around his place. Then he plays some footage of one of his fights for you, while you two have a conversation and share a beer. As you two sit on the couch, you get close, then have an opportunity to kiss him.

then this is where da sex happen hihihi (ノ・ω・)ノ

The next morning you wake up and you two have a heartfelt conversation about where this is going. He already knows your situation, so I would assume he is very accepting and supportive. And with Vik, he seems like the kind of guy who would still want to be in your life and keep the friendship the same way despite no longer being together romantically. So it’s official. He’s your man 🥵 !!11!1!

Like how River gives you the “fuck the police” tank top after sleeping with him, I think Vik would give you his Night City Devils t-shirt that provides you with a significant amount of armor or some kind of cyberware upgrade that makes you invulnerable for a brief moment while using your hands to fight enemies.

Note: I was thinking of Vik giving V his boxing glove necklace, but because it's part of his character's appearance in the game, I don't think we would be able to essentially "take it" from him - unless he gives you a replica as a keepsake. Which I think would also work.

If you successfully romance, during the rooftop scene near the end of Nocturne OP55N1 (despite Vik’s disposition of him telling you to take matters in your own hands and being a little closed off), you still have an option to reach out to him when Johnny advises you to call a loved one.

V: Hey, Vik. I just wanted to say, thanks for hanging with me, until the end.

Vik: Quit talking like it is, V. Just do what you need to do.

V: I mean, think of it. It’s like I’m heading into the last round of this whole thing.

Vik: Well, in that case.. remember—keep your hands up, guarded at all times. It ain’t over just yet.

V: Heh.. I can feel it, just a few more punches.

Vik: Now look at you - the new welterweight champ of Night City.

V: Thanks, coach.

Vik: Last piece of advice from the coach's corner. Just.. be careful, kid. Remember, I’m with you.

Okayyyy, soooo I’m not the biggest fan of how CDPR gave us two of the same endings (Path of Glory). The only difference is that Rogue’s life is spared. I would have assumed that not only would we get to keep Rogue around, things should have played a bit more differently for V if we took the route of going solo against the corpos. So let’s tweak it.

This specific ending; it should be after getting through Don’t Fear The Reaper where you single-handedly manage to rip through Arasaka by yourself. Johnny goes back to Alt & Rogue is still alive. Yes nobody dies!!!

(honestly this ending can apply to any love interest you choose)

Vik and V are now living together in a lavish penthouse, entertaining an upcoming merc to do their work for them (which is now the current POV of the player.) You were recruited by Rogue at the Afterlife, who told you to visit this couple for a real, preem job.

They give you some vague details about the gig and go on for a brief moment about what you will be doing and what you should expect. Vik emphasizes to you that it’s important you get what they need because it’s for his wife, V, as her life depends on it.

As Never Gonna Fade Away is playing in the background, they tell you to break into Arasaka HQ.

Then the game officially ends.

[vespertineart]

'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'*ੈ✩‧₊˚'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'*ੈ✩‧₊˚'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'𝓫𝓪𝓭 𝔀𝓮𝓪𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓻 𝓲𝓼 𝔀𝓸𝓻𝓽𝓱 𝓲𝓽'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'*ੈ✩‧₊˚'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'*ੈ✩‧₊˚'*•.¸♡ ♡¸.•*'*ੈ✩‧₊˚

"𝔾𝕠𝕠𝕕 𝕘𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕗."

Jotaro kujo x Fem! reader

━━━━━━━☆☆━━━━━━━…‥・

★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・★・・・・・・

｡☆✼★━━━━━━━━━━━━★✼☆｡

Life moves so fast. Too fast, for your liking. Maybe it's because your childhood wasn't the nicest, so you have wallowed in the sadness it brought you too much that you weren't aware of time, or the fact that you were so wrapped up in one future, you thought your life depended on nothing but academic purpose. At least then. Or maybe it's because you never realized how much you've wanted to do in your life until three years ago. You're still young, though a young adult, and you shouldn't be worried about the consequences of things you never did. Though, maybe they would affect you later on.

It's always been overwhelmingly depressing when you realize you can't relate to that flurrery feeling every one of your classmates told you about when bungee jumping or simply touching a manta ray. Never have you had the chance to visit a very famous amusement park because of how expensive it was. All of that would make you the odd one out in any friend group, which is why you never bothered to start a close friendship with someone.

However, this year was different. Let aside the fact that you missed out on all your school year's material, you experienced something far more exciting than anyone's ever had. Your mind still finds itself boggled by the sudden event. One second you're with your classmate who you knew nothing about at the time, and the next he's in jail, and you're with his grandfather trying nag get him out.

You can't even bring yourself to comprehend how you even got a grip on the whole situation, how you managed to have yourself thrown into the formula, from going to Egypt and saving Miss Holly, to fighting Dio and even almost dying with Kakyoin and Avdol who are currently in different hospitals. It all still feels so surreal.

Unconsciously, as you reminisce, your fingers brush the large scar that lays unveiled on the surface of your forearm, reaching from your wrist to your cheek, a few scabs still blanketing random edges on it. Soon, your hands found themselves reaching your currently broken and cast ankle. Your crutches lay limp on your leg. Your skin is cold, and so is the wind hitting it. For May, this is probably the longest it has taken to become warm.

"Oi, yn." You're snapped out of your daze when a certain deep voice calls out to you, a coherent tinge of worry trailing at the end of the person's greeting.

The all-familiar, stinging scent of cologne immediately assures you of who this person is. You let out a sigh, dipping your head down, eyes closed, a delightful sense of relief washing over you.

"Hey, Jojo. Thanks," you greet as you take a weak hold of the beer can your companion bought you. After a while of shuffling, both of you got your backs comfortable on the strong walls of the school's roof, taking in the cool wind as it brushes through your hair. The sun is set, but there is still a bit of sunlight left, it mixes beautifully with the soft white streetlights and spots of yellow, red and blue in the far distance which homes and billboards emit. If you focus enough, you can see a light silhouette of hills.

Jojo. Jotaro kujo. You recite that name on your tongue every night, sometimes in fear you might forget it. Some of his admirers despise you for it. For having the advantage of calling out to him whenever you want and he'd answer you, and only you. Your classmates say you're extremely lucky, like you've won a million-dollar bet for being his first and closest female friend. He's never down to open up, but from your experience, he's desperate for any type of companionship. However, the so-called advantages were never what this was all about for you. If it was, you'd know barely anything about each other, and you're glad you could become more than just classmates after the whole Egypt thing. To you, his friendship depended and revolved more around trust and means of comfort than just mainly using him for safety and assumed attention. The fact that he's truly a hard to crack shell of a man—that you somehow managed to turn into ash the moment you told him to 'get the fuck out of the jail room, you look ridiculous' —never mattered to you more than how closer you wish to get to him. Focusing in front of you again you watch the colors of the clouds merge with the dark purple of the sky. The stars are already out, and a beautiful half-moon is shining brighter than ever. You pout, disappointed of the incoming inability to see it in full display due to the sky's current cloudy state.

"Old man called me yesterday." You turned your head to Jotaro, eyes immediately locking with his. Just the simple fact that both of you go out of your ways to fully focus on each other makes your relationship all the more mutual. Jotaro, especially, he's never felt as easy with anyone as he has with you, and kakyoin, too, but he'd never say it directly to any of you . At night, when he's lost in his thought, he finds himself thinking of you. How kind you are and how you never seem to see the bad in anything despite having a bad past. He'd never admit it let alone say it with his tongue but he tries to take advantage of that kindness, in a way to make sure nothing will happen to you. He can't afford to lose anyone else. He also doesn't know if the fact that he thinks of you is more embarrassing, or the fact that he secretly wants to let his walls down in front of you one day. The thought comforts him, but, as usual, he's too meek about it, since there were many times his 'kindness' would be misunderstood as romantic intent. Well, he's doubting that, anyways, specifically with you.

"hm?" you reply, taking a sip of the refreshing drink in your hand. Your fingers wrap around each other, holding the can in a tight and secure grip. You're prone to dropping your drinks now and then, so you found this to be the most practical way of 'protecting them'. Yes, you look stupid when you end up dropping them either way. You two always get a good laugh from it, so at least there isn't any embarrassment happening.

"He was wondering if you wanted to stay with us for a couple more weeks. Mom misses you already." Jotaro exhales, smoke filling the air around you and mixing with his musky cologne to create an unbearable scent you never wanted to forget. The mention of Mr. Joestar for the third time this month makes your eyes widen. It was all for the same reason too. You lived alone for a long time now, and you've gotten very used to the lonely and eerie feeling of your dark home at night. However, of course, after meeting the Joestars, Joseph couldn't possibly leave you without pampering you so much, especially after helping with saving his precious daughter. You were grateful. You always are for what he does for you, but just enough for him to make you basically live with him is something you can't quite afford. Not money-wise, it's just that you don't have anything to give them in return, and offering your life also meant living with them. The cycle goes on.

With a grunt, you twist your form to face Jotaro, your hands pushing hard on the floor to support your frail physique.

"Jojo...I really appreciate it, but I have things to do at my house. I need to clean it, take care of the food that's been in the fridge for almost a month now. Maybe another time, but I really don't want to trouble you guys like this. You've done way too much for me already," you excuse, trying your best to scoot closer to your friend. As a final task for the day, you set yourself up on your knees and wrap your arms around the much larger man, patting him on the back a couple of times before planting a heavy peck on his forehead. "And you can stop worrying about me so much now, Joot. I'm really fine, thanks to you." A warm smile graces your lips as you speak your soft words to Jotaro, seeing his panicked eyes slowly close as he scoffs, pushing you away and hiding his rose-tinted face with the shadow of his hat.

"I'm still walking you home."

As much as you want to, you can't complain with a broken ankle. Who knows what might happen if you're too slow with walking? Over his dead body will Jotaro Kujo let anyone lay a finger on you...

~~~~~~~~~

The slow crunching of pebble and dust under heavy boots and the repetitive melody of crickets in the grass is enough to get you woozy in the freezing weather of tonight. The wind started picking up a long while ago, and you fear it might get worse before you reach your home. Clouds are grey and dull as they sway in a quick pace in the blue-black sky. The vigorous rustling of trees makes your ears tingle. Your pores are open with sweat, the droplets slowly trickling down your face and quickly drying out. Your arms over your crutches, your stomach hurting from excessive contraction, your breath becomes heavy, and your chest begins to hurt. It's been well over 20 minutes since you guys have been walking, and you're starting to hate yourself for letting Jotaro deal with your snail-paced struggle on a day like this.

Without a word, you sigh, then slowly crouch down to reach the floor. However, from how your ankle is positioned, the momentum you pushed yourself down with was faster than you anticipated, and you gasp. Bracing yourself for impact, you let go of your crutches hastily, spreading your arms in front of you to prepare support. Your eyes close tightly and you clench your stomach, a second away from hitting the concrete before feeling a soft barrier holding you up. Slowly, you open your eyes again, to find none other than Jotaro, encasing you in his large, jacket-cushioned arms. Without a chance to react, you feel yourself getting pulled up, hoisted up a millimeter high and huddled in your friend's arms again only this time in a better position for him to be able to swing your legs over to the side.

"Good grief, woman. What the hell were you doing?!" At this position, you can clearly hear the growl in Jotaro's voice. Heck, his breath is right in your ear. Inevitably, you shiver, letting out a huff of air. You feel yourself blush out of embarrassment when he gives you a side eye and you prepare to find a good answer to his question.

"Sorry, I wanted to sit down a bit...I uh..wasnt expecting to...fall-"

"Whatever, just stop talking or you'll die. And you're freezing ," Jotaro interrupts, leaning down to grab your crutches, still holding onto you. His head rests on your shoulder as he bends down, his fingers curling with ease around the handles.

Still shocked from the sudden ordeal, you start shuffling in Jotaro's arms, earning a grunt from him.

"Stay still, yn, for fuck's sake!"

"I-I can still walk on my own, JoJo!"

Annoyingly, or rather, smugly, Jotaro ignores your comment, only dragging his disagreement further by hoisting you up further so your figure is tucked snuggly between his arms. This proves his previous comment of how cold you actually are, seeing as you immediately melt into his arms, eyes almost instantly closing as you sigh, taking in the comfortable warmth of the thick fabric of his clothes.

when you look back at him, you decide not to complain any more when he raises an eyebrow at you and lets out chuckle. You just stare at the fading stars, keeping the image of his rare smile in your head along your little journey.

As you space out, your eyes having no place to stay still as the clouds move endlessly, you shake your head, feeling the pain in the back of your head from how dizzy you've become. This world is too big for even eyes to bear. you let out a mall sigh, the incoming comfort quickly cut off as you gasp. A wet droplet found its way on your nose uninvited. You look at Jotaro, expecting to see his face dotted with a bit if sweat, but that wasn't the case. Another droplet, and a third, and soon you see one slip off from Jotaro's hat. Oh... Ooooh...

Oh shit.

You gasp once more, suddenly sitting up and causing Jotaro to retract his head with a grunt.

"What the hell?!"

"Jojo it's raining!"

"And..?! Jeez you overreact."

With a pout, you hit the top of your friend's head, earning a stutter from him.

"C-can you walk a bit faster..? I can't have you getting sick, " you complain, clutching onto the chain dangling from JoJo's collar as a way to nudge him into agreeing to your order.

"That's not happening, y/n just sit back down-" As if to mock him, the clouds let out a loud clap of thunder, The rain quickly picking up with the wind. As fast as this happened, you and Jotaro are now almost drenched in water. You cross your arms, looking up at Mcedgy with a smug expression on your face.

He sighs heavily, tugging the brim of his hat and letting out his famous

"Good grief..." before wrapping his jacket around you like a stolen package and trudging quickly. A few moments pass before he starts to run.

Surprisingly, your house isn't that far away anymore. You'd expect that from someone twice your height running. Currently, your friend is huffing, occasionally spitting excess water away from his mouth.

"We're here."

He stops running, just jogging his way around a building before setting you down on the floor, waiting until you regained balance to give you your crutches back. You hiss at how cold the air is, your body quickly shivering.

You quickly find your keys from your pocket before limping to your front door and opening it with a satisfying click, taking your single wet shoe off and stepping into your house, again, cringing because of how cold the floor has gotten. As you manage to trudge to pull a shawl you found hanging on a chair, you turn back to the door, facing Jotaro again.

"Thanks for walking me here JoJo. It was definitely a pain, I'm sorry," you apologize, a wide smile on your face, rubbing the back of your neck.

"It's fine," says Jojo, already lighting his third cigarette of the day and placing it between his lips.

There's a long silence between the two of you, the heavy sound of rain and occasional thunder being the only thing breaking it. Your breaths are heavy because of the weather, and you do nothing but stare at each other. It seems none of you want to turn away for some reason. both of you are worried for each other. It takes another while before any of you finally move, Jotaro shuffling off of the steps in front of your door and turning around with a small farewell.

You, knocked out of your trance, call out to him again, making him stop. Now in your garden, completely soaked, Jotaro turns his head to you. His cigarette is barely lit anymore.

"Umm...I just realized your house is too far away," you start, catching your friend's attention. He slowly walks back to you, shoving his hands in his pockets. He only hums in response.

"Uh...I just...don't want you walking all that way again, and further so why-"

"I'm not coming inside your house," Jotaro cuts you off, causing you to stutter and blink a couple of times. However, you've already made up your mind and there's no way you're turning back now.

"No, JoJo, you are, and I'm serious right now!," you protest, trying your best to sound strict as you walk to take a hold of Jotaro's arm with your free one and pulling him under the dry safety of your door. When he realized he stepped in with his shoes, he quickly retreats, pulling on his hat and looking away.

"JoJo...!"

Jeez, you're so naïve. Little do you know, Jotaro is only concerned about causing you any harm. He'd rather shrivel up and die from hypothermia than have you affected by him. But...refusing is never an option with you at this point. If anything, he doubts you won't end up following him until he's already at his own house, still trying to nag him further. He grunts, shaking his head then looking back to you.

"Jesus, fine."

Your face quickly lights up with a smile, and you drag Jotaro inside your house —with a limp—and make him take his jacket off. As much as he somewhat doesn't want to be here, Jotaro sighs in relief, shuddering at the warmth of your home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

{2901 words}

This is just something to start writing here. I'm not sure how to feel about it but I hope you like it lol, you can imagine what happens next. this seems very random and messy, which it is but I promise I'll come back with better content lmfao.

--Poppie

[sloppdaddy]

Chapter two

10 years later…

Aang's Perspective: I have aged 10 years and so have my kids. It is just me on the island. The kids occasionally, Tenzin being the most often, visit me. My youngest boy currently dating Toph’s older daughter is something that I will have to get used to, although it does get Toph to visit the island more. Other than the occasional visitors it will remain just me until Katara returns.

Several years ago we learned that the new avatar is a young water tribe girl from the south named Korra. Katara left to train her in water bending, our daughter Kya alongside her. My eldest son, Bumi, left to join the Fire Nation army. Being a non-bender he says, “I have to give myself a purpose.” I am very proud of him, while he doesn’t always know that. I stayed here to look after the city that we’ve built from the ground up. Recently, there have been smaller issues within our new society that Toph’s Police Force has gracefully handled.

I am extremely grateful for the friendships I made during my youth, for their worth and company has lasted a lifetime. Zuko and Mai are left in the fire nation continuing the repairs of the past. Last I heard from Mai, their daughter Izumi left to travel the world to learn the history of the other nations so she could become a well-cultured firelord. Her son and husband went along with her, teaching Iroh II how to become a leader and master firebender as well. Sokka sends me letters once in a while telling me about what he has accomplished. Sokka, while he is one of Republic City’s most prized ambassadors, returned to the southern water tribe as chief. I miss all my friends dearly, and especially miss my wife Katara. I wonder a lot about how she's doing.

Unlike Sokka, she sends letters once a week, updating me on Korra’s training and on the weekly events. Hearing of Sokka’s success as the chief brings me happiness. I am proud to know that the sarcastic, meathead boy grew into the man that we always knew he would be. Accessing his leadership in the tribe was amazing to hear, his good ideas and funny jokes are sure to help lead the southern water tribe into success. Sokka’s leadership will also help the water tribe become a force to be reckoned with. While I sit in my living room, in my pose, I can’t help but stare at our photo wall. The pictures of my family many years ago, next to the photo of my dear friends, accesses a sudden wave of sadness that covers my body.

I previously had wanted to meditate, but now all I can think of is how lonely I am here. I decide to take Appa to the mainland to visit Toph. Maybe her and I can chat about the city, something to get my mind off of this sadness.

Appa lands on the roof of the police building. I scratch his head and tell him he can return to the island, I still have the bison whistle from many years ago. He grunts and flies away. I descend the stairs to the floor where Toph’s office sits. I see through the glass walls, she’s sitting at her desk, feet up, snoring. This is the Toph I’ve always known. Usually I would knock, but playing a joke on my good friend seems like a better option. I enter silently, closing the door behind me. I send a single gust of air towards her, sending her chair toppling backwards. I hunch over laughing, and her head pops above the desk. It’s the hardest I’ve laughed in a long, long time. She blows her hair with her breath, disappointed. “Twinkletoes, why’d you have to do that?” I still can't stop laughing, some things never change, even that silly nickname.

“Toph, I've said this before, I’m 48 years old. Can’t that nickname be retired?”

“Oh Aang, it will die with me, and that won‘t be for many years. The short answer is no. Too bad.” She laughs. I sigh whilst trying to stop from smiling.

Apparently it shows through, “Twinkletoes, you know you love me.” This time my smile is verbal. I laugh. She walks around the desk to give me her trademark punch on the arm. As she’s leaning back on the edge of her desk to sit she asks, “Why are you here anyway? Usually I'm the one forced to that island off shore.”

My heart rate rises, I don’t want to explain why I’m actually here, but she can tell when I lie. Either way, I bluff. “I just felt like it was my turn to come down to you”. I can tell she saw through me, her face changes.

“Oh c’mon I know you’re lying, why are you really here?”

I can't beat this, it’s Top anyway! She cares enough about me to take this seriously. I know it. “I was feeling down,” I rub my head, “Being alone on that island has been getting to me. I miss my family and my friends. I needed to see you, hoping that we could talk and I could get back to normal.” She stays silent for several moments. I can tell she’s debating on what she wants to say. Then she takes a deep breath and begins.

“Aang, you told me friendships can last more than one lifetime right?”

“Yes? What about it?”

“Well, if it's really possible then you should know that no matter how far our friends go, they’re still close to us.” She lets out a sigh. “Twinkletoes, that was such a struggle, I’m never this supportive.” She giggles and punches me again. I laugh along with her, having her reassurance is something to take advantage of.

Later Toph and I go out for dinner to the best fire nation restaurant in the city. We chat about the future of the police force and about the new avatars' future. By the end I knew my mood had changed. I am, after all, not alone.

[system-of-a-feather]

I've dated before without the knowledge of having DID. I'm honestly scared to date now. How do you deal with dating in your system? -Host

I realized after writing that this was way longer than I remember. Synopsis is that I put a bit of a personal story, and five main points to consider while dating with DID. For a full explanation, click “Keep Reading”. XD I don’t want to fill up everyone’s dash with this long message

Hey sorry to hear about your experience dating with DID. Honestly for us it is a long story. I’ve been in two ‘relationships’ and I put that in quotations since one was kinda a situation of me being groomed by an online friend that was 22 when I was 14 and it was kind of bad and we don’t need to go into that tbh.

As for the one more relevant to the topic of DID, it is just kind of something that we had to figure out as we went. We technically weren’t diagnosed or really knowledgeable on what DID was for the good like first year and a half of our relationship and the first year dating was so incredibly shaky.

When I had started dating my current boyfriend / fiance, it was WELL established that I was mentally ill, depressed, full of anxiety, and had some notable trauma issues as well as issues with expressing my emotions, trusting people, and just the general concept of love / friendship due to some issues with us being friends, him asking us out, and then a bit of a manipulative extended rejection from Aderis, our old persecutor protector / primary protector at the time. We only started talking again over a shared club leadership and because our therapist at the time said that I HAD to make friends.

Anyways, we had major major issues when we started dating him, partially because we had really poor communication and even worse coordination, especially since we weren’t diagnosed and while we generally knew of each other’s existence, the extreme denial was real since Lucille and I wrote it off as a delusion we developed to please a toxic friend and we wanted to have nothing to do with being a system. A lot of my tips with dating with DID came from a lot of trial and error the hard way and a really patient partner with experience having a mother with PTSD and dissociative tendencies.

This pretty much led to my fiance getting thrown a lot of my really bad depression at the time, suicidal from our suicidal alter, emotional disconnect / disinterest from Lucille, and outright attempts to push, scare, and torment him away from Aderis. I 100% consider him crazy for staying as much as I am super grateful.

Anyways, story time aside, if I had to pinpoint the main issues with dating with DID I would say the following.

1) The System is Not All On Board / Okay With Dating.

The most important detail and largest issue I’ve found with dating with DID is the host (or even another alter) starting a relationship out of their own interest without trying to communicate or check in with the rest of the system. This is ESPECIALLY problematic when a persecutor-protector is against the relationship from what I’ve seen. It might suck, but having DID is pretty much like having a democracy over a monarchy and often times that means that decisions have to be made as a team. If one alter starts working too much in their own self interest and disregards the system, chaos is going to start and inner system drama will start.

When it comes to dating with DID, I feel it is important that you are able to get most of the system on board and for those that you can’t, make plans and give your partner a warning about them / apologize ahead of time. This doesn’t mean all the alters have to date that one person, but rather that they aren’t actively against it. 

This was the core issue that I had in the early stages of my dating as Aderis saw him as a place of vulnerability that will get us hurt and cause us to kill ourselves when “he inevitably left us” and as annoying waste of our time. Additionally, Lucille really didn’t see him as a long term relationship and took a while to actually take the relationship seriously which was a minor problem in comparison but still caused issues. It is important that before anything, you make sure the system knows and that there aren’t any major issues.

2) Poor Communication of Rules Within the System Regarding Dating.

Like anything within DID, its important to have rules established within your system on what is okay and what isn’t okay. This is especially true for dating. Maybe one alter would feel cheated on if another alter is dating them. Are your alters allowed to date your partner? What are they allowed to do and say with your partner? Are your alters allowed to explain what you are feeling for you to help solve the issue or better inform them? How should all your alters behave in order to try to respect the relationship? If an alter is uncomfortable with the relationship how should they mention / handle it? The questions vary from system to system and alter to alter so it’s important to see what is important to your system.

This honestly was only something we started to pick up and still are working out since we have poor communication outside of me and Lucille to my knowledge. One important thing, if anything, that I found most useful is figuring out if it is okay for an alter to explain a situation for you as PTSD and depression may make it hard and leave the partner confused or in the dark and such lack of transparency causes relationship issues. This wasn’t discussed in the system at the start, but when Lucille started explaining the situation to my partner and giving him an explanation on what would be best to handle the situation, it really helped make mental health complications easier and smoother. It let my partner understand what I was going through when I otherwise couldn’t mention it and made it easier for him to be patient and supportive rather than confused, stressed, and upset.

3) Poor Understanding of Each Alter’s Boundaries with Partner

This one I have read more about than personally experienced but I do have some details on this too. Not all alters will see the partner in the same way. Some might find them a full on romantic and sexual partner, some might only see them as a sexual partner, some might see them as a close friend and some might just see them as a stranger. The way each alter sees your partner may vary and this can cause issues both within the system and the relationship. 

If one alter dislikes the partner but tolerates it, then the system shouldn’t try to force them to like your partner if they don’t want to interact, and your partner should try to understand that that one alter has yet to warm up to them and not to expect anything, not to treat them the same as one that loves them, and understand that it isn’t anything personally attached to those that are dating them. Also, if one alter sees the partner as a platonic relationship, it is important that the partner doesn’t “make it weird” by treating that alter in a romantic or sexual way.

4) Partner Not Understanding DID Properly

This isn’t something that has to be found immediately into the relationship, but it should be built overtime. It is important that your partner understands how DID works and the myths vs facts about it as it can cause some barriers that may make problems understanding one another. They don’t necessarily have to study up on it, but perhaps just doing a bit of research or you explaining it to them can do some good. If they actually bother to understand it, then it will do a lot to help the relationship be more smooth. This is integral to really get a good number of these details to work.

5) Co-Morbid Mental Health Issues.

I can’t specifically talk too much on this as there is way too many things that might be involved, but it is important to know that DID often comes with a number of co-morbid mental health issues that likely will come into play as well that should be looked into.

Overall, I really have to stress that this is easier said than done and I am lucky to have the guy that I do since I don’t have to deal with the issue of being forward to a new person I am dating that I have this disorder. It is important to keep communication within the system and with your partner strong and the better everyone can communicate with one another, the better the relationship will be able to stand. It isn’t easy but it is possible. 

And this isn’t specific to like, DID and dating, but generally I would recommend trying to get to know your partner on a platonic level before trying to date them romantically. That way you guys can have a stronger foundation to build a relationship on and a level of communication is already set in place that would assist a lot in figuring out all the communication that is needed in a relationship.

-Riku (Host)