#anyway. this book is so extremely fucked up 👍

[eosofspades]

i finally got back around to reading the rest of zebulon finch and the people garden is truly the least disturbing part of this whole thing why is this what everyone focuses on

[unionizedwizard]

don't. mind me 👍

i guess it's just. well. i feel a lot better these days, i only have to make sure to (ffxiv momence) look to the future and let go of the past, which is fun because i can literally not think about anything that happened between 1998 and, like, 2022 without Experiencing Extreme, Localized Endsinger-sponsored Despair and Pain. And also, technically 2018-2022 is not that bad of a period compared to the previous decades, but it's got its own specific flavor of Unsettling, because 1) I Forgor. like i literally forgot 90% of this time period. 2) every time i talk to my friends (who knew me back then) they mention something i said/did during these years and it feels. So wildly out of character. Like "he would not fucking say that" except that i apparently did, and i have no recollection of anything but i'll have to take their word for it, and it's. hm. terrifying! It's like my body was piloted by another consciousness for, like, 4 years straight, i forgot all the books i've read, all the new people i've met, most of the conversations i've had, pretty much all i remember (sort of) clearly is my cats, and even then the timeline is extremely blurry. I know it's a widespread and rather normal phenomenon to look back on your past self and feel like they're a stranger, lost to you now, but i cannot stress enough how literal this is for me. I really feel like i've been replaced by a doppelganger for four years. My blog (main) is, i think, more recent than that because i remember deactivating at some point so ive lost a lot of archives, but even then, when i scroll back several years, i mostly have no idea what 80% of my posts are about and have no memory of anything

But on the other hand, ive felt basically as if i was my 20yo self again since 2022. Extremely weird. I had this.... weird.... merging.... memory.... moment on august 1st 2022 and when i woke up i *was* the person who lay down To Die For Real in april 2018. it was. so confusing for so very long. i knew where i was because i was living in the same place and woke up in the same bed i'd been lying in back then, but everything else was ????. it even took time to adapt to my CATS, i only remembered catgar for a bit since he was there in 2018

and the weirdest thing was that suddenly, memories i couldnt access for four years (2018-2022), and specifically knowledge i couldnt recall during this time period... suddenly came back. clear as day. for four years i'd been trying to remember pretty much everything i'd read and learned in my philosophy classes in uni, and it didnt work, even trying to read the books themselves didnt work because everything felt blurry and nonsensical and illegible. this was one of the reasons i had to give up on my philosophy major when i went back to uni in september 2018. and then suddenly, after "i" (this self who had been to university as a philosophy major) woke up in august 2022, i could remember everything i'd studied from 2015-2018, with astonishing clarity. i didnt even need to make an effort, words and ideas came back to me spontaneously and everything made sense again! but on the other hand, pretty everything i had read and studied in uni (as a comparative literature major) from 2018-2022 was Lost. blurry and nonsensical and flat-out Forgotten to this day. and i still hold (some) memories from this time too, so it's really strange to try and make everything make sense. truly like two badly mixed set of memories/selves having to cohabit, on a daily basis

anyway that's not what i meant to say in the first place. but something that's becoming... more and more pressing, and real, these days (more of a long, months-long process) is that. well. i remember so much of my childhood and teen years, with such perfect clarity, and i've only told a tiny fraction of these memories to friends (and usually expunged from actual emotional weight. comedic deflection is my middle name). and i know i need to stop talking about these awful, terrible, sordid stories at all because it doesn't... do anything good. it hurts people who hear them, usually they can't stand it too (understandably so), and it is true that it makes me feel worse, but. and that's the problem. then why. what was it all for. will it all simply be ignored, denied, and then forgotten after i die with no one to remember about it? not only did i not get the most basic nurturing most people get (as infants!), which is actively ruining my life to this day, and which effects can only be somewhat lessened over time (if *i* put in the effort, which is. exhausting AND unfair to boot), not only did i lack these basic foundations... but i have to hollow myself out of whatever *is* there, too, for both my sake and others'? what then will remain of me? a ghost of a ghost, emptied out of all the filth and pain and poison at best, like i was simply born as a 25 years old? i never felt like an actual human person to begin with! the alienation is as old as i am!

I already forgot and was alienated from my 20 to 24 years old self, and i should also... simply ignore and repress and keep quiet everything else that i've experienced my whole life? This feels so unfair! My memories are the only thing testifying to this injustice, everyone else simply is rewriting the truth to make it convenient and comfortable (mother's side), or flatly ignoring everything out of a sense of unease (guilt?) (father's side). Should one simply erase this child from the world at all? From reality? From collective memory? It's not the child's fault their very presence brings suffering and discomfort to anyone who even glimpses them. And why should we keep ignoring them? And yet it *is* the best option. So really, what was it all for? There's no possible closure or understanding or justice or retribution or forgiveness or revenge, should i simply pretend none of this ever existed? There is no justice in this world, and i don't even know what form a possible justice could take in an ideal world, and i don't believe in heaven or anything like that, and i'm tired of looking to the future without having any kind of secure network and having to rely on myself only for everything and trust in my own resilience, but also this can never be remedied and i know it (don't "found family" me please) and it's just like.

how do you live with the knowledge that nobody ever came to your help, nobody rescued you or even tried to, you had to do it all yourself, and this can never be changed or helped, and if you look to the past it will only burden and destroy you further as well as harm the people who now care about you and are in your life, and you can't fix anything and the only way is forward, and erasing your entire childhood self, your memories (the good mixed with the bad) is the only way to keep on living? should i have to erase myself to have the faintest hope to live? i'm a hollowed-out mind in the best days, when this can be construed as lightness. is this fair? is this fair? is this fair?

[quarks-pussy]

Oh.

I... I was writing a post about (the nonexistence of) mirror Jake and was thus pondering many aspects of the mirrorverse and I... I think I cracked it. And it's fucking me up. I think I know what the difference between prime and mirror is and it provides more questions than answers.

There is one glaring constant throughout (almost! we'll get to that) all official media (canon or not) that so much as goes near the mirror universe and it's actually the absence of a, well, ...species? that you don't even notice being absent at first but once you do, it's blatant and you can't unsee it.

There are no Q in the mirrorverse. When looking into possible explanations, I actually stumbled upon a highly intriguing fan theory that postulates that the mirrorverse is a control group created by the continuum (which would explain the consistent family lines and stuff SO well!) to see how humanity would fare without their intervention. This is an awesome theory (that also mashes with stuff said in Pic about how there's only one continuum across the multiverse) and I love it but I do actually have another one I'd like to propose.

The one singular reference to a mention of any Q in the mirrorverse that I could find is this short memory beta page on a Q from the mirrorverse (presumably the mirror version of our(/JLP's) Q) having been banished by Terrans "to a prison outside the known dimensions" which, not to speculate, could be interpreted as the prime universe?? (which would mean the mirrorverse is the actual "prime" universe and the Q (or at least our Q) are only in the prime universe as a means of punishment by the Terrans which would also explain why they don't seem to mess with Kelvin timeline (at least not in alpha canon) or anything else outside prime despite Pic saying they could) but regardless has very "god is dead and we have killed him" vibes that I dig. The singular source for this is the 2005 RPG source book Through a Glass, Darkly (belonging to the Decipher iteration of the Star Trek Roleplaying Game) which is specifically set in the mirror universe and, ngl, I kinda wanna play now.

So even tho Pic either states or implies (afaik it's technically said in reference to the Kelvin timeline or something (but you couldn't fucking pay me to watch enough Pic to check) but not specifically about the mirrorverse) that the Q exist in all realities and can jump between them as they wish, and even tho Through a Glass, Darkly is not even remotely canon, especially in comparison to Pic, I want to believe. The mirrorverse is Like That because the humans banished god.

(Also tho, regardless of which (if either) theory is correct, this does imply that not only have the Q not just "observed" humans but their influence on human history has been extremely positive and literally lead to stuff like the Federation even existing?? There are so many implications to the absence of the Q in the mirrorverse, I can't cope with this...)

Anyway, thanks for listening! And if anyone wants to teach me about the Decipher STRPG and/or play Through a Glass, Darkly with me, hit me up 👍

[suffarustuffaru]

im back on my reinhard/julius agenda but hear me out okay.

au where they become friends much sooner. childhood friends au.

julius’s whole world shakes when he goes to the knighting ceremony for children of noble knighting houses and he sees reinhard there—reinhard, whos powerful and Amazing and intimidating and it makes julius realize that hes far behind reinhard. it makes julius realize that he has to work harder to reach reinhards level of skill and power. but hes all starry-eyed, and he manages to catch reinhard after the ceremony and starts excitedly talking reinhards head off because reinhard is just so—awe inspiring—and ten-year-old julius at this point has way less filter and impulse control so why shouldnt he try and get close with reinhard of all people?

meanwhile reinhard is even more depressed after recently being 1. officially knighted and 2. officially given the “van” title and 3. his dad is gradually getting worse and he feels like its his fault, but julius is the first person around his age that actually shows interest in befriending him, so reinhard is just awkwardly going along with it because he doesnt want to chase julius away. hes super SUPER eager to finally have a friend. thats what they are right?? hopefully?? and reinhard is desperately holding onto this because yeah, julius likely wont like him anymore real soon, but itll be good while it lasts right?? he doesnt even mind that julius keeps asking questions about knighthood and training, because everyone does that anyway, so reinhard offers to help train julius and BAM they are now gonna meet regularly 👍

joshua meanwhile is Suffering even more than he already was because not only did julius develop an infatuation with reinhard, joshua also—like in canon yeah—faints during the knighting ceremony because FUCK I CANT LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH JULIUS IF HES GONNA BECOME FIXATED ON REINHARD AND LEAVE ME BEHIND AND ALSO I HATE REINHARD AND JULIUS FOR BEING SO PERFECT, and then joshuas worst nightmare becomes true because reinhard notices this and offers to help joshua and julius home, and julius accepts of course, and joshua wakes up to reinhard and julius being buddy buddy and then reinhard starts visiting the juukulius mansion regularly so joshua is absolutely SEETHING. SEETHING.

anyway reinhards regular visits go great 👍 all he has to do is walk (Travel At Extremely Extremely Fast Speeds) to julius’s house and back 👍👍 and it doesnt take much time for julius to get out his favorite books and info dump excitedly to reinhard because reinhard of course will listen to all of this and feel all warm inside because 1. oh are we friends now? 🥺 and 2. aw julius is so passionate about this 🥰 but then it takes a turn because of course julius has his hero worship with REID ASTREA. theres a tappei qna that confirms that reinhard Knows what reid was like, and if reinhard knows that at this point, he just sits there awkwardly while julius goes on and on about how cool and awesome reid was.

reinhard then has to decide whether to break the news to julius or not, but given how in canon julius didnt know what reid was like until he actually met reid, reinhard probably didnt tell him if reinhard knew at that point. so little eight year old reinhard sits there and goes “aha yeah… reid… what an interesting person…” which then turns the subject to reinhards family, which then leads into some talk about julius’s family too—but while julius is more likely to open up a tiny bit, reinhard is more like “my father is a good person who tries his best 🙂” and julius is like “i hear that hes. kind of not. but ill take your word for it i guess haha i mean IVE never met the guy” (he recognizes reinhard getting Upset about this subject) and reinhard is like “my father is a good person yes 🙂”

meanwhile alviero juukulius is very aware of all those nasty rumors about heinkel astrea and the astreas in general and alviero is Very Aware about his nephew/adopted son’s budding friendship with reinhard, who now regularly shows up to the mansion via Speed Walking, but alviero is like. well reinhard is a very well meaning child, i just hope no drama comes out of this haha.

anyway one day little ten year old julius with his Reduced filter and impulse control (tappei has said that younger julius was a Bit of a troublemaker) goes “reinhard you should sleep over at my house please 🥺 and maybe we should sneak out of my house past curfew and go on an adventure or something lol” and reinhard is like going ??? because of course breaking rules almost never occurs to him and the idea of breaking one makes him anxious. but julius is like “cmooon please 🥺🥺 itll be fun 🥺🥺 we’ll be out and back here so fast, no ones gonna know, itll just be us 🥺🥺” and reinhard of course 1. cant say no and 2. julius would be very happy if he agreed, so he goes along with it. they go have fun they have some kind of adventure and for a moment reinhard forgets all about all the Various Pressures he is under <3

and then they go back to julius’s house and alviero is waiting there casually like “snuck out again julius? *insert exasperated sigh*” and reinhard FREEZES UP hes like “oh sir ahah its not julius’s fault. it was all my idea actually. all mine. i dragged him along with me. you should punish me instead. im really really sorry i broke the rules sir” because he’s afraid julius will REALLY get in trouble. and julius and alviero stare at reinhard like he grew another head because “jesus christ its not that deep, youre not in That much trouble. im just gonna like ground julius for a bit, its not like im gonna. kill him. or anything.” and also “JESUS CHRIST YOU ARE NOT OKAY??”

anyway yeah reinhard is a very welcome visitor to the juukulius mansion (unless youre joshua) but every time he goes home, carol and grimm help make sure reinhard’s visits arent noticed. but. well. one day heinkel will notice. its inevitable, especially when eventually reinhard and julius will officially join the knights together. and heinkel will probably give this nasty little laugh and go “well. have fun while that lasts.”

and it doesnt last.

[roseposts-stuff]

i finished rewatching good omens for the 47366437 time with my mum and dad today and now i'd like to give my thoughts on season 1 finale regarding crowley and aziraphale's body swap, even though it has been 4 years 👍.

i use he/him for both crowley and aziraphale in this for clarity and because i think azi uses he/him in general and crowley uses he/they in present day (and y'all are obviously free to completely disagree with me, just a personal headcanon). also i'm way too lazy to find gifs or figure out how to make them so we're stuck with screenshots, hope you don't mind 👍

anyway. let's start with this:

"aziraphale" enters the bookshop! he's a lot more stiff that what real aziraphale would be after seeing his bookshop is fine. his facial expressions are very stiff and you can barely see any emotions on his face, which is very un-aziraphale-like, considering how much he adores his books.

he's also less comfortable in his shop than the aziraphale we know. despite crowley visiting the bookshop many times, he doesn't live there, which of course means he's not as comfortable in there. it also seems that crowley is trying to walk normally and is focusing on that a lot.

next up:

first of all, "crowley" walks with a lot less swagger and slithering, it could even be described as normal. obviously aziraphale is doing his best to imitate crowley but doesn't quite reach the crowley level of drunk snake-looking walking.

in the second picture, that smile is not a crowley smile. that's an aziraphale smile.

and he takes a taxi instead of driving his own car. crowley would never do that.

and then, the ice cream:

their roles are very obviously switched. if things were normal, aziraphale would be buying ice cream while crowley would be glancing at everything suspiciously and he's a lot more serious. aziraphale is just happy to get ice cream.

"crowley" also smiles at the man selling ice cream. that's not very crowley-like. it's more aziraphale to smile at people. and "aziraphale" doesn't seem very excited about his ice cream, which definitely isn't him.

"it's tickety-boo" that's an exclusively aziraphale phrase. crowley probably would rather die than say it in any other context than to mock aziraphale.

in hell "crowley" seems surprised to see michael there. i don't think crowley would be very surprised to see heaven and hell collaborating in a situation like this. he's a lot more aware of the similarities between heaven and hell than aziraphale is. i really think aziraphale is genuinely very surprised to see a high-ranking angel helping hell, whereas crowley wouldn't be surprised, knowing how similar they are.

"aziraphale" smiles, but it's very off, he's very stiff. anyone would be in this situation. but the way he smiles, how it's so far from kind and genuine and rather full of anger and resentment is very crowley.

and of course the last picture is so obviously crowley, who is extremely happy to say "fuck you" to heaven.

and lastly there's this. this is definitely the most obvious sign of them switching bodies.

yeppp, that's all:D thank you:D

[mysteriousdoll]

I admit I have been stalking your page for a put 30 minutes AND OMG YOUR WORK IS SO COOL I LOVE IT SO MUCH AND I LOVE ALL YOUR ART AND HEADCANONS OMG-

Anyway, I was reading the HCs you and somebody else came up with and I have one but I'm not 100% sure on it. Like my mind is debating it intensely.

In ishimondo which one can cook?

THIS IS A KIND OF LONG ONE SORRY-

My thought:

. Due to official art they can both cook?

. Or one is teaching the other to cook?

. Mondo seems like the guy who can't cook (just based on appearance tbh) but with his backstory he's had to fend for himself, so can he cook???

. And with Ishimaru, he seems like the person who knows how to cook, and maybe his father is out so often that he's self taught?

. But on the other hand he's spent all his time studying he hasnt taught himself those kind of skills.. sure he can make two minute noodles, or cook an egg or make some toast. But nothing fancy?

. Or maybe breakfast is the most important meal of the day to him?!?!?! Maybe it's in his routine to cook every morning?!?! Maybe he makes food for his father when he comes home from late shifts, or has bacon and egg on Sundays???

. Or he's terrible in the kitchen, and mondo taught him.

Can they both cook? Have you ever thought about this?! Sorry for the long ramble of options but I've thought about this for a week and have no idea.😭

Uhm yeah I'm going to put this on anon in case it's silly or something, but you probably know who I am based on the notes and notifications and stuff👍

Also idk if shadow banning works on tumblr like it does tiktok but if you want me to stop spam liking your posts I will, I just love your content 😭

One: screaming rn I feel so happy I’ve never had my posts stalked /pos (except for my Ben 10 acct which is bad bc I’m making an ishimondo Ben 10 au)

Two: No need to stop!! Idm!! Tbh the thing that makes me happiest is seeing people go wild in the tags, so I’m v honored.

Three: I agree! I think Mondo isn’t the beeest cook, but if it comes to Italian meals (thanks to my own hc’s and my Oowada mom oc), he’s not that bad! Although he has a bad habit of letting things overcook… he’s the type to burn popcorn and insist it’s better that way.

As for Taka, I think he’s actually quite the skilled cook—but only with more basic options. Taka’s very rigid, so if he is able to cook something more extravagant, he’ll follow it by the book, and maybe even ask Teruteru for his input. (Ignoring comments Teruteru makes and Gundham glaring Teruteru down)

The only issue with Taka cooking is… he forgets to eat a lot. (And thanks to his grandad, he sometimes chooses not to eat because he dare take one extra minute of free time) That, and his food is either bland, or so spicy no one but him can eat it. A hot while back I saw @mickules mention in a post that Taka would be a spice fiend, and I. Live for that.

Also also—regarding system Taka bc I’m always gonna mention system Taka /j, Akira (aka Ishida) is actually an extremely talented baker! They aren’t super big on sweet food ironically, but they can make really good baked goods even with limited ingredients… though they prefer crunchier foods)

Additionally; Mondo can’t fucking make ramen. He just takes someone else’s. Taka can also make insanely good omurice. Proof for Taka bc I can’t find the anthology comic with Mondo:

[mosasadogs]

i’ve been reading murder in mesopotamia. i’m fifty pages in. quite complicated feelings about it so far. you’re confronted with the typical white english bigotry of the story’s watson, nurse leatheran, immediately. we are looking at a fairly diverse group of people (all suspected of murder) through the eyes of a middle class english racist. the self awareness is staggering, maybe, or possibly christie is just deeply classist and ironically unaware of her own racism. the character has much in common with christie herself, who volunteered as a nurse during wwi.

the setting also reflects her fascination with graverobbing/archaeology. it’s the royal cemetery at ur dig site, in iraq. so before anyone even fucking dies or the main character has a racist thought i was like Damn. Put it back. with all this present in the text i don’t blame myself for assuming nurse leatheran’s constant racist thoughts about mrs. mercado were a reflection of christie’s racism as well, but i actually now believe it to be more the case of christie attempting to write from her middle class nurse-sona’s pov, likely a composite sketch of all the nurses she mixed with during wartime. she does this quite well but remains completely blind to her own posh, low ranked member of the peerage upper class racism, i.e nurse leatheran’s racist misogynistic remarks about mrs. mercado’s jealousy over the upper class white woman (who just got murdered) vs her other characters’ remarks about interracial marriage. christie’s choice of a pov character dares you to sort acceptable 1930s racism from unacceptable 1930s racism! fun!

so far my favorite character is the victim, louis leidner, because she started death flagging before she even made an appearance. so great was her reputation for death flagging that when nurse leatheran’s getting a ride to the setting during the first chapter and asks about the woman she’s been hired to care for, everyone in the motor carriage just shuts the fuck up until one of them is like “Yeah. Really, really glad they hired you.” and she’s like Oh. she’s extremely endearing once she’s actually introduced as well. once nurse leatheran arrives louise immediately forces her to become her friend, nakedly desperate. i thought this was really cute, and sad! louise is extremely resentful that she is going to die, and all of the other characters won’t stop being misogynistic to her (ONE OF THEM KILLED HER.) it actually made me feel sad when she died, so i hope she’s actually the culprit, even though that would be stupid.

anyway, i got to the part where poirot shows up. he just happened to be in iraq. chilling. like 50 miles away. it’s actually not safe to be within a day’s drive of a detective, jesus christ.

i like da book so far 👍

[sleeperagentclone]

@figsandphiltatos Tagged me!

shuffle your on repeat playlist (on spotify) and list the first 10 songs and then tag 10 people

1. Roses are Falling by Orville Peck

OOOOH BOY. So like I have a very vivid imagination and a very good minds eye and for years I have been plagued with visions when listening to this song. *Exterior, wild west, sunset* A cowboy stands smoking a cigarette and watching the sunset, back to his companion who is rummaging through a saddle bag "I guess they say nobodies perfect" The second cowboy turns "But they've never" aims his revolver at the first cowboy "Met a devil" cocks the gun "like you" a single gunshot rings out across the prairie. Anyway I can't fucking draw so now I'm writing a book about outlaw lesbians in the wild west who have a totally normal and fun time and nothing bad happens to either of them, I promise

2. Miss Chatelaine - Iron Hoof Remix by k. d. land and Orville Peck

Imma be real with you, never heard this song before in my life, I have been shuffling Orville Pecks entire discography recently while working on aforementioned book and I've definitely fallen asleep to it, so I guess it played than. It's good, I like it

3. Brick By Boring Brick by Paramore

I am too shy to tag people in this but I will tag @ribbittrobbit because I've been listening to their Crisis of Faeth playlist and I doubt this will be the only song from it making an appearance. Absolute banger of a playlist, absolute banger of a song

4. Seven Nation Army By The White Stripes

What did I fucking say, another Crisis of Faeth song! Fucking love The White Stripes and this is undoubtedly a classic. Fun fact I was at the thrift store a couple of weeks ago and found a White Stripes funko pop set for probably at least half as much as it would be new

I normally think funko pops of just full on real people of a little odd but I had to fucking do it

Other fun fact, to me Gorgug is very Meg White coded, widely considered one of the greatest drummers of a generation but steps out of the limelight because performing just isn't for them

5. I Don't Care - single version by Fallout Boy

Say it with me now, Crisis of Faeth! Listen to it! I like never on purpose listen to Fallout Boy but I was a teenager in the 2010's so I do love Fallout Boy

6. Dead of Night by Orville Peck

I love Orville Peck, I have a pinterest board that's just outfit inspiration for if I ever get to go to one of his shows

7. Dancing on My Own by The Regrettes

Besides being another Crisis of Faeth song, all of The Regrettes song are so fucking Fig Faeth coded to me, like nearly a 4th of my Figayda playlist is The Regrettes because they just sound exactly like something Fig would write about Ayda

8. Satanist by boygenuis

Crisis of Faeth also finally forced me to listen to boygenuis, and I can almost listen to them without having an existential about Lucy Dacus now so 👍👍👍

9. Summertime by Orville Peck

It's extremely unfair that none of the other Orville Peck songs that remind me of my outlaw lesbians come up, like it's a great song, but, come on man

10*. Fences by Paramore

Fucking love Paramore dude, Haley Williams is truly one of the greatest vocalists of a fucking generation and they put on an incredible fucking show (The only thing that could ever get me to go to a music festival is Paramore, I would love to see them live but I know they tend to do some like flashing effects so a dark venue would not be ideal for my epileptic ass) (This is also a Crisis of Faeth song)

*I cheated on this one because the real 10th one was a song Orville Peck featured on that I just don't like very much so I skipped it

[certifiedunicornhater]

ima ramble about dulces lore + his relationship with flor because this is my blog and i get to be insane, as a treat

putting it under cut due to triggering topics such as: religion, religious trauma + trauma overall & abuse 👍 dulces had a fucked up childhood basically

there’s a reason as to why he’s so absorbed in his religious fantasy, this didn’t come out of nowhere

dulces was raised by his grandparents. his parents were never in the picture, they basically abandoned him. his grandfather passed away when he was young, which left him completely in the care of his grandmother. his grandmother was a horrible woman, she was extremely strict and came from an abusive religious past herself that she was never able to heal from, she ended up pushing these same things onto dulces

he was forced to read the holy book daily and the rules were heavily pressed onto him, if they broke the rules in any shape they’d be punished by their grandmother in the form of beatings, she’d also not allow him to eat at times as well. dulces was told that he wasn’t worthy of going to paradise and he had to make up for it by following the holy book word for word and by being the perfect follower of the faith

he was stuck under his house hold for his entire childhood and since it was just him, he was subject to all her rage. he didn’t go to other family members out of fear, he figured that he deserved this & that it was all he was worthy of, all of this made him act "strange" compared to other children so he wasn’t very close to any cousins nor did he really have friends that lasted long (they’d get sick of his religious nonsense)

all of this stuck with him his entire life, hell, he can probably read the entire holy book from memory due to it. he holds on tightly to the beliefs, though a part of him doesn’t believe it. it’s all out of pure fear and trauma

this kept going on up until dulces joined the army, in fact, they joined as a way to escape the house, he didn’t want to actually be there but he didn’t see any other exit nearby

his grandmother ended up passing away shortly after he joined, but he didn’t leave, instead, he stuck around

of course the military wasn’t a grand place either and even there he was constantly bullied, right when he was beginning to lose faith in life ever getting better, he met flor.

flor changed everything, becoming friends with him was one of the best things that ever happened to dulces. he helped show him not everything was bad, that things actually do get better. for once in his life, he had someone protecting them and being nice to them instead of beating him down. from there, dulces began getting better !! his unhealthy attachment to religion always remained, but flor was beginning to help him let it go and heal :]

they both end up dying in the war anyways but whatever LOL