#anyway. maybe still going to the club so wish me luck :) my goal is to kiss someone new and Not have sex w my ex tn

[possum-tooth]

super cute server at bww

[acciowests]

From Lorcan With Love

WORD COUNT: 1707

SUMMARY: A "From Lukov With Love" inspired ice hockey x figure skating AU featuring Lorcan Salvaterre and Elide Lochan from "Throne Of Glass"

Lorcan and Rowan arrive early for training and walk in on a figure skater finishing her session. It isn't until she falls that Lorcan rushes forward, helping up the woman he learns is called Elide and immediately begins to fall for her charms.

"You know, you didn't have to wake me up this early, right?" Rowan drawled as they pulled into the Orynth Rink parking lot. With their first game of the season taking place next Friday, Lorcan Salvaterre - Goalkeeper of the Terrasen High Hawks - had booked out the rink for three whole hours of practice. Along with being Lorcan's best friend, Rowan Whitethorn was also the captain of the Hawks, their school's ice hockey team. Despite having napped for most of their journey, Rowan's brows were furrowed in a tired frown, his lips in a thin line as he stretched in his seat.

The capital's Ice Rink mainly housed ice skating: including singles figure skating, pairs ice dancing, as well as the annual sectional competitions and sometimes the national one also. None of that meant much to Lorcan, he just knew the Orynth Rink also showcased professional Hockey Teams, such as the Orynth Stags; a team he had dreamt of being a part of since he started his ice hockey journey at seven-years-old.

"Stop complaining, old man," Lorcan chuckled, smirking at the silver-haired boy. "Get the bags from the trunk will you?"

Sticking up his middle finger noncommittally, letting it fall into his lap, Rowan climbed out of the car, rounding toward the back of the vehicle. Lorcan switched off the engine and stepped outside. Grabbing the gym bag full of their gear, Rowan hauled it over his shoulder as Lorcan locked the car, the two boys walking through the parking lot and toward the rink.

The changing room was empty, as Lorcan expected, and the two boys changed in comfortable silence. They pulled on their team jerseys: deep green with silver writing that displayed their name and number. Paired with sweatpants and their elbow and shoulder pads, as well as their shin guards, the boys shoved their bags into the lockers, along with their phones, and headed out to the rink. Walking off the ice with skates on had always felt weird, even with the skate guards that protected the blade. Heading down into the stadium, Lorcan's eyes locked onto the lone figure skater within the rink. The clock overhead told him she still had fifteen minutes left, which meant he and Rowan had fifteen minutes of waiting.

Slumping down into a seat, Lorcan set his elbows against his knees, leaning forward and watching the petite, raven-haired girl dance across the ice. Beside him, Rowan drummed his feet lazily, Lorcan ignoring him completely as he listened to the sound of her blade across the ice.

When, and if, he saw figure skaters, they were always wearing glittery costumes in shades of reds, purples and blues. And though he was sure most skaters did dress down for practice, the girl before him looked like she dressed in the dark. Which, if she had booked a three hour practise, she just might have. Ignoring the grey leggings and burgundy sweater showing a Perranth Skating Club logo, she skated as though she was in front of thousands. Each turn was sharp but smooth, each of her jumps or leaps landing perfectly - to Lorcan's untrained eye, anyway.

"I was thinking we could do some new drills. As captain, I reckon we have a good shot this season. I think we could rank high, come out on top," Rowan started, interrupting Lorcan's gaze.

"Right, yeah. If the others even get here," Lorcan sighed, not that he minded. He was much enjoying his time watching the beautiful skater.

"Chill out, Lor. There's still five minutes, they'll be here," Rowan insisted, nudging Lorcan's shoulder.

Shrugging, Lorcan turned to face the rink, just in time to watch the skater turn back into a jump. She took off from the back outside edge of her skate, using her toe pick to help her spin twice, and just as her foot hit the ice, her ankle gave way. An echoing thud rang out around them as she hit the floor, her thigh and butt slamming down onto the ice as she fell.

Before he even realised what he was doing, Lorcan stood, rushing down the rows of seats and towards the rink. Removing his skate guards and tossing them to the side, Lorcan stepped onto the ice, skating over to the girl who was now curled up, a hand against her thigh and stretching a leg out before her.

"Hey, you okay?" Lorcan called, coming to a stop beside her and offering her a hand, "That looked like a pretty nasty fall."

The girl chuckled, rubbing her thigh once more and taking his hand. Her palm was surprisingly soft, cold enough to send a shiver through him as she gripped tightly. Hoisting her up, Lorcan didn't miss the wince that slipped between her lips. Before he could say anything, she shook her head, "It's fine, it's just my ankle."

As she stood before him, Lorcan tried not to smirk at the immense height difference between them. At least a whole foot. Instead, he just nodded, "Well, that jump looked pretty hard. From what I've seen you're a pretty good skater. You shouldn't let one fall get you down."

"Not good enough. I should be able to do that jump in my sleep. There's no way I'm going to win sectionals like this," she sighed, running a hand through her hair. Her left hand, Lorcan realised, was still in his. She hadn't put her ankle back down onto the ice, instead, she rested it against her other foot, off the ground where there was no pressure on it.

"What happened? Is it just a strain?" Lorcan asked, hoping he wasn't being too curious. His eyes were drawn to the flush of her cheeks, bright red against the pale shading of the rest of her face. With her mop of black hair against glowing skin, she looked ethereal.

"I wish," she scoffed, "No, I broke it a few years ago and it never healed properly. I lost my axel completely, had to relearn my entire program and make all the moves easier. I already lost regionals, I can't afford to lose sectionals too," she explained, her chest rising and falling.

"Well, how long until sectionals? Maybe with some assistance, and physiotherapy on your ankle, you might be able to win?" Lorcan suggested, watching the girl's eyebrows slowly furrow as she looked up at him. They were thick and black, arching over her face and defining it fiercely.

"You don't know when sectionals are?" she asked, as though it was the most obvious question in the world.

Lorcan chuckled, shaking his head, "Oh, no. I'm not a skater. I play ice hockey."

The girl blinked, her eyes widening, "Oh... Oh my god, I'm so sorry. You probably have no idea what I was just talking about, do you?"

Lorcan couldn't help but laugh, loving the way the girl's lips curled into a smile as he did so, "No, but it's fine. I can tell you're very dedicated. I'm Lorcan, by the way, Terrasen High Hawks."

"Terrasen High? Wait, Lorcan as in Lorcan Salvaterre?" she asked, brows raising. Lorcan knew he recognised her. He could have sworn she was in the year below him, he would remember her face anywhere.

"The one and only. You're a junior, right?" he replied, helping her skate back across the rink and toward the entrance. She reached for her skate guards as he remained on the ice. Slipping his hand to her elbow, he helped her balance as she stepped back onto the stone ground.

"Right. Elide Lochan, Perranth skating club," she smiled, sticking her hand out. Lorcan shook it happily, loving the warmth that radiated from her like electricity.

"Perranth is lucky to have you represent them," Lorcan smirked, biting down on his bottom lip. There was something about the girl before him, something that made him feel completely giddy inside. If his teammates saw him like this...

Elide rolled her eyes. Chocolate, Lorcan noticed, the perfect shade of swirly hazelnut. "Now you're just being kind!" she laughed, a melodic sound that he wished he could capture forever, "Thanks, by the way, for helping me up. I probably would have just laid there until my session was over."

Lorcan grinned, something he didn't do too often, "Well, you're lucky I was here. Couldn't have you catching a cold, can we?  I heard hypothermia is a killer."

Pressing her lips together, Elide shook her head slowly, "No, I suppose we can't."

With an obnoxious slam, the doors to the rink swung open. The remainder of his team poured out, dressed and ready for their training session. A blur of green and silver, plus the grey, black and navy blue of Adidas sweatpants. Gavriel was at the front, the oldest on the team, his golden hair tied back in a bun and a grin on his face as he reached Rowan.

Rowan stood, patting Gavriel's shoulder and moving down the rows of chairs. "Lorcan," he called, heading toward the equipment cupboard in the corner of the rink, "Help me get the stuff out!"

They always borrowed sticks and pucks from whatever rink they were training at. Lorcan only used his own stick for final games, an object of good luck. They would also have to drag the goals out, setting them up to actually have something to shoot at.

Offering Lorcan a smile, Elide stepped back, rocking on her good foot, "So, I guess I'll see you around then?"

If he had his phone to hand, he would have asked for her number right there and then. But, he didn't. As she turned to walk up the steps toward the changing rooms, Lorcan called, "We have a game next Friday, will you be there?"

Elide stopped, looking over her shoulder and smirking, "Depends, are you inviting me?"

Pushing down the chuckle that tickled his throat, Lorcan nodded, "I am, and maybe we could hang out afterwards... Just the two of us?"

"Sure, sounds fun. See you Friday, then," Elide confirmed, turning almost immediately and rushing up the stairs.

Lorcan watched until she completely disappeared from view. He could smell the cinnamon and elderberries scent that lingered in her wake. Elide Lochan. Friday couldn't come sooner.

* * *

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[iraacundus]

make a wish

resonance series one:

investmentbanker!xiaojun x reader

genre: fluff, smut, tiny weeny angst words: 5.4k warnings: swearing, explicit sexual content, mentions of drug use

investment banking was a high stakes game, even for the interns. you and him were in constant competition, living the high life, stressed out of your minds, unwilling to let the other know that. “i could do this all day”.

******************

He looked so smug as your supervisor named him intern of the week for the fourth week running. Once again you were just a few thousand won behind him. You could have beaten him… you just suffered an unlucky loss seconds before closing.

You typed furiously into your computer, nonsensical words appearing one by one in your spreadsheet. If you looked like you were working, you figured he would be less like to disturb you with his gloating.

Yet your bad luck seemed to be continuing as you were so focused on your angry typing, you didn’t notice Xiaojun standing behind you causing you to jump slightly when you heard his voice whisper in your ear,

“It must be hard always losing to me, but if it makes you feel better, no one ever does beat me, at anything,” he boasted.

You swivelled your chair round to face his grin. You wanted to strangle him with that stupid striped tie he wore. You stared into his eyes refusing to drop his gaze, that would be admitting some sort of strange defeat and you couldn’t face to losses in one day.

Xiaojun backed down first by deciding to wink at you, a glimmer of chaos in his eyes.

“Do you get off on being a dick?” you asked him, hastily closing the nonsensical spreadsheet even though you were very sure he had already seen it.

“It’s just friendly competition,” he said with a grin and you rolled your eyes at him. The competition was anything but friendly, it was far too much like bloodthirsty roman gladiatorial games to be considered as such. Every person for themselves.

That’s why you always pushed back your attraction to Xiaojun and replaced it with shallow hate. The only time you would sleep with Xiaojun would be to use it against him, to win. Yet that standpoint was so hard to keep when the breath of his whispered fanned your neck.

“Better luck next time babe.”

You didn’t want to kiss him, you reminded yourself, you wanted to throw him down a flight of stairs.

“Fuck you,” you replied, turning back to your computer, ignoring how you missed the warmth of him standing by you as he walked away, ignoring the irony of your statement.

He had totally interrupted your focus, you wanted to get back to work but instead, you couldn’t help but keep glancing over to look at him. He had aimed to throw you off and he had achieved that goal.

What would be anywhere else be seen as casual flirtation, in this world was a dangerous game.

You pinched yourself slightly under the table, forcing yourself to focus on the stock market and not Xiaojun’s stupid face.

You had so much work to finish before the drinks party that evening, especially now you had come second place again. You had spreadsheets to prepare, articles to read and a plan to set out for the following week. All you wanted to do after completing that was sleep but schmoozing with the higher ups, the investors, the CEOs, it was all part of the job.

You loved your job to a certain extent, the thrill, the high stakes, the money to be made. You hated your job to a certain extent because it made you stressed out of your mind.

One wrong move and you could lose the company ten million dollars in ten seconds. That kind of mistake would put a mark on your name forever and all you had worked would be for nothing.

So, when Xiaojun was winning, his face may have been good looking, but all you wanted to do was smack it.

That evening was the fourth party in as many days and you were tired, you weren’t sure that even the expensive layers of concealer you were wearing could cover that fact.

The lights of the club were bright through the darkness as you smiled at older men, damning sexism that this was the easiest way for you to gain favour. You drank one cocktail after the next, hoping it would dull the sensations of the world, just for a few hours, just so the stress of the job would go away and only the thrills would remain.

You shook the hands of some executives in the VIP section, conversing perfectly about market changes and ideas despite the fact you could barely stand. If investment banking didn’t work out, you were pretty sure you could become a professional actor.

It was half-past midnight when you noticed Xiaojun staring at you. He was sitting alone on a sofa in the VIP section, arm draped lazily over the back of it as he sipped some expensive liquor. His eyes were dilated, and you couldn’t tell whether he was attracted to you or had just taken far too many drugs.

You weren’t sure what possessed you to stumble over to where he was sitting, and half sit, half fall down next to him. Talking to Xiaojun presented no value your job, it wasn’t going to get you a promotion or a favour.

“Are you okay?” he asked, he gaze fixed on yours. You rolled your eyes. You were ninety-percent sure he was looking for you to admit any sign of weakness he could use to take you down; you were his strongest competition after all.

“I’m fucking peachy,” you replied, taking another sip of your drink, the world around you just a blurry collection of lights.

In fairness your aggression towards him was unwarranted, it wasn’t his fault you had a bad week, but you were drunk, and he was easy to project your emotions onto.

Xiaojun sat forward slightly, leaning towards you, his face not close enough yet for to discern his intentions due to your drunken state.

“You seem like you could use some water,” he said, pushing a glass towards you. With this action you could just make out his face through the blurring and the lights, it wasn’t as smug as usual, yet you refused to believe he didn’t have an ulterior motive.

You ignored the water, childishly. Instead you sat back, far enough away to frame his face through your fingers,

“Why are you so perfect?” you asked him out of nowhere but perhaps out of jealously and curiosity. Xiaojun stared at you for a second but never answered your question.

“Just drink the water, y/n, you have to work this weekend to catch up with me, I don’t want my greatest rival to be taken out of the race by a hangover.”

You frowned slightly but took the water and sipped, the cool taste pleasant against your dry throat.

“And for the record, I’m far from perfect,” he added.

You did still make it to work the next morning but with a hangover indeed. You felt like you had been runover by ten buses as you teetered into the lift in your high heeled shoes and tailored dress.

Not everyone worked weekends, just interns with something to prove, the stock market wasn’t open on weekends, so you just did grunt work, hoping to please some executive and climb one rung up the ladder to hell.

You sat down at your desk and began to run the numbers, pushing your headache out of mind. You were so focused you didn’t see who had left some extra strength paracetamol on your desk, but took it anyway, grateful to dull the sensation.

This was your reality, no matter how you felt, you still had to give your top level of performance. Your ability to do this was almost the sole reason for your success to that point.

Every so often, when you stopped to drink water or check the time, you noticed Xiaojun glancing at you. It was both flattering and unnerving, you couldn’t decide which.

His eyes were a deep brown, mesmerising – distracting. He was throwing you off and deep down you hoped that throwing you off wasn’t the reason he was staring.

The next week for the first time in a month you won intern of the week. Xiaojun was no longer smug, on the intern ranking he had dropped to seven. You didn’t see him glance at you that week, you didn’t see him smile.

Xiaojun had never been below five up to that point, he had tainted his record far more than you had ever tainted yours with just one really miscalculated risk.

Winning had spurred you on to work late, to continue what you had achieved. You worked after the market closed on until 2am and when you finished Xiaojun was still there, his eyes bloodshot, his fingers typing away.

He was chewing his lip anxiously as he backspaced about fifty-times, beginning to look slightly unhinged.

You had seen Xiaojun like this before, everyone in the company had weeks like this, but for the first time seeing in him this state somewhat upset you.

You didn’t know why it upset you, Xiaojun wasn’t your friend. Maybe, despite everything you hated that he endured the same struggle you did, perhaps because you fully understood how awful the pressure could be. It was the true embodiment of “you wouldn’t wish it on your worst enemy”.

The next night you woke up at your desk at four in the morning after drifting off. The keyboard had imprinted into your face and the lights in the office were off. The only light still illuminating the office was one computer, even the night cleaner was long gone. Yet Xiaojun was still there, typing away.

You chucked your shoes off onto the floor, sighing at the comfort of it, before wandering over to his desk, settling down into the chair next to him and spinning to face him.

“You will make yourself sick, you know,” you told him.

Xiaojun looked up in surprise, he hadn’t noticed you sit down. Despite his somnolence he still managed a witty reply,

“From staying up late or the drugs I take to do it?” he said, making a joke but not joking, dangerously nonchalant about the gravity of his remark. You didn’t know what to say back, there wasn’t a lot you could say.

“I don’t want my greatest rival to be taken out of the race by hospitalisation,” you finally decided on, copying his own words.

Hearing this, Xiaojun’s faced curved slightly into what was almost a smile and he stopped typing.

“I’m afraid we face mutual destruction, neither one of us will stop until we win,” he said, his eyes searching your face, his eyebrows contorting into an expression you couldn’t fully understand.  

“Maybe we shouldn’t be so competitive,” you joked, but your face wasn’t smiling. Your face was tired and grey, yet Xiaojun still looked beautiful, his eyes shining in the computer light, even if they were fucked up and red, “sometimes I’m not sure what we are competing for,” you told him.

“We both love the competition though, you can’t deny that, if there was nothing to compete for, we wouldn’t work as hard. We compete for the thrill and the money; we both know that.”

“Maybe you could finish work before the early hours if you stopped staring at me all day,” you pointed out, changing the subject slightly. Xiaojun grinned but his face tinged slightly red.

“So, you caught that? I have to have some bright points in my day, the rush of success and looking at you.”

You laughed softly, pushing him and his chair away slightly and taking control of his computer. You saved his document and logged off.

“Go home Xiaojun, I would prefer if you survived, and for that you need sleep. I can’t win if your dead.” This time it was your turn to joke and yet not be joking.

You stood up together to leave the building, Xiaojun muttering something about this being a tactic for you to be the weeks winner. He didn’t notice that when you were walking along the empty street with him in the cold air, you, for one short moment, really didn’t care if he beat you or not.

That when you got to the subway station that ran all night and parted to get on trains in opposite directions, it took everything in your body not to kiss him.

Xiaojun won that following week and you wanted to throw him out a tenth-floor window. But when you saw his smug smile and his eyes a normal colour, you didn’t quite hate him as much. You would settle for throwing him out a third-floor window.

It wasn’t all bad either, not just because Xiaojun had moved away from the knife edge but because you made a record trade. You through your arms in the air and shrieked with happiness.

Everyone in the office looked at you, some clapped, others glared. Xiaojun settled for a soft smile and a text of congratulations – you never knew he had your number.

Both of you were celebrating at the office ‘party’ that night. Schmoozing CEO’s was off your mind for one night only. You thought you had made enough of an impression that week.

You did more shots than you could remember and hit the dance floor. Numerous guys tried to hit on you, but you weren’t interested. Only one man played on your mind and you wanted him out of there.

You drank more to forget him, but you couldn’t ignore him when he was standing in front of you, face flushed red with alcohol and a stupid grin on his face.

“I don’t know what is sexier, your intelligence or your ass,” he said, coming to dance next to you.

You hit his shoulder lightly,

“Oh, you’re such a gentleman, Xiaojun,” you replied sarcastically.

“I stopped taking drugs these last few weeks,” he continued, slipping his arms around your waist as he continued to dance, “you’ve become my natural high.”

You thought he was making a joke, some vague attempt at a pickup line. Yet even though he was smiling, you saw a sense of earnest in his eyes.

“I hope that’s true,” you said, “about the drugs at least.”

“I think I would do about anything to make you happy at this point… except losing to you,” he whispered back, his lips dangerously close you yours.

“As they say in our business, how about you put your money where your mouth is?”

His hand pushed your hair behind your ear gently,

“And just what do you mean by that?” he enquired. Yet before you could reply his arms released from around your waist and he grabbed your hand, leading you off the dance floor and towards the bar.

“A cosmopolitan for the lovely lady and a whiskey for me please,” you heard Xiaojun ask the bartender.

Xiaojun pulled out a barstool for you and sat down on the one next to it.

“We always sit in private rooms, how about a change, mix with everyone else for once,” he said smiling.

“At least there are no creepy CEO’s here,” you conceded, “how did you know my favourite drink?”

“I know you better than you think… and I’m accustomed to taking calculated risks, I seem cooler if I guess right than if I have to ask you, but if I guess wrong, I just wasted some money. Yet I figured money spent on you couldn’t be a waste.”

You decided that he was definitely hitting on you and while you hadn’t expected it, you equally weren’t surprised. You and Xiaojun were close by investment banking competitor standards.

“Why have you decided to start flirting with me?” you asked in a drunk moment of directness.

“Liquid confidence mixed with the fact you’re very beautiful.”

The bartender placed the drink down in front of you and you took a sip as Xiaojun handed him a 50,000 won note,

“Keep the change,” he added, nodding at the waiter before picking up his drink and turning back to face you.

He said something but the music in the club was so loud you couldn’t hear him.

You leaned in and talked somewhat loudly,

“It’s loud in here, I didn’t hear what you said sorry,” you told him.

“I really wish I didn’t have to compete against you,” he said, leaning in to close the distance, his whisky touched breath fanning your face.

“Because you think you’re going to lose?” you joked. Xiaojun shook his head, placing his whisky back down on the bar.

“Because I really don’t want to have to take you down to win.”

In that moment you really just wanted him to kiss you… but he never seemed to make the move. Once he had stopped talking, he leaned away again and sipped his whiskey, something which confused you.

You really thought he had been flirting with you but now you had doubts, what if he only had a friendly concern for your welfare.

You drank your cocktail contemplating this, analysing what he did, trying to calculate which side of the equation his brain was on. He was as unpredictable as the stock market, yet unlike with work, here you didn’t know what to guess.

Even if he was flirting there was the chance that he didn’t actually have an interest with you, but instead he was trying to emotionally fuck with you.

You downed your drink and placed it down on the side. Xiaojun looked like he was thinking himself. You couldn’t guess his emotions, but unlike with work you reckoned you could figure it out.

“It’s nice to talk to you for once, outside of the work setting, well… almost,” you said, casually placing your hand on his thigh as you leaned in. That was your plan. Judge his reaction but Xiaojun just smirked. While you decided that probably got rid of the friendly concern option and confirmed his - romantic intent – it didn’t solve the question of how noble his intentions were.

“You could make a wish, y/n, I would give you anything you wanted,” he whispered, this time his lips physically brushing his ear.

“Except winning the internship competition,” you confirmed.

You laughed without humour. It was like a wall between the both of you.

“Not that I would ever ask you to give that up,” you added, “wishes are for genies and birthdays anyway.”

“Well, I’m not a genie but you could always make a birthday wish.”

“My birthday is in five months, so a bit of a wait. Another drink though, that I can make happen now… What do you want?” you asked him.

“I can buy you one,” he protested. You rolled your eyes.

“Gender equality Xiaojun, I can buy a guy a drink.”

“Then I will except anything you give me,” he relented.

“A sex on the beach and a whiskey please,” you said to the bartender. It was slightly dark, but you almost thought you could see Xiaojun blush slightly when you mentioned sex, even just in the context of a drink.

Then again, it could have just been the whiskey.

You only got halfway through that next drink before you realised simple conversation and suggestive gestures wouldn’t be able to discern what you wished to know.

You didn’t know whether to give up or give in.

“I think I should go home,” you said standing up. Xiaojun’s face fell slightly before he managed to put his smile back in place.

“I’ll call you a cab,” he replied standing up next to you, it was lucky he did as the first step you took almost sent you to the ground. Xiaojun managed to get a hold of you and stop you from falling.

“Aha thank you,” said, unable to stop yourself from grinning at him brightly. Xiaojun put his arm around your waist as you both walked along the side of the crowd dancing and out of the club.

The air outside was cold but Xiaojun was warm. He instinctively took off his jacket and placed it around your shoulders.

“You must have good intentions,” you mused, not realising you had thought aloud.

“Why would I not?” Xiaojun asked, looking slightly confused but unfazed.

“I’ve been trying to work out all night if you are genuinely into me or if this is all some part of a masterplan to take me down,” you answered, no idea why you were suddenly being so truthful.”

“This job really does fuck up one’s mentality,” Xiaojun said, looking ever so slightly forlorn.

“Maybe so… but I think you are a good guy Xiaojun, you have fooled me if you’re not. If this a lie, then I lost to you. I want to make my wish now,” you wrapped your arms around your waist.

“And what would your wish be?” he replied, his eyes gazing at yours. But you didn’t tell him your wish, you simply actualised it as you brought your lips to his.

The warm taste of whiskey against the cold was mesmerising. Now you both had your bloodshot eyes closed you almost seemed like you could be a normal couple.

Xiaojun pulled away slightly, his thumb pressed lightly on your lower lip.

“I just want to remember how beautiful you are,” he explained. You were speechless at the sight off him.

The taxi Xiaojun had called pulled up in front of you. Xiaojun let go of you so you could get in the taxi.

“Goodnight,” he said, pressing a kiss to your cheek, opening the door for you to get in.

“You can come too, back to my place I mean, if you want to, that is?” you propositioned, feeling oddly nervous, scared you weren’t quite on the same page. You shuffled over to the opposite side of the taxi so that he had the choice.

When he got in beside you and closed the door, you felt your heart begin to race slightly. Your heart leaping – literally. “322 Sinsa-Dong, Gangnam,” you said to the driver and the car started to move. Xiaojun moved his hand so his pinkie was touching yours across the seat between you and you couldn’t help but chuckle.

“You’re really cute you know?” you said to him. Xiaojun made a sad face,

“Surely if you invited me back to your apartment you must think I’m attractive, sexy, enthralling…” he said, quietly enough only you could hear him.

“You are all of those things too, but you really are cute Xiaojun, especially when you wear your glasses at work and your face concentrates on something hard.”

“You watch me at work? I never caught you staring at me once and I stare at you pretty often so I thought I would have noticed.”

“Always got to keep an eye on the competition.”

“I never knew you liked me back, that’s why I always kept my feeling hidden until now… I didn’t want to complicate anything, life is already hard enough,” Xiaojun explained.

“I didn’t realise I liked you either, I was too focused on winning, but at some point, I started to realise, I didn’t like winning if it meant you lost… that’s caring about someone I suppose. The passion… we already had that, enemies or lovers, the passion always existed.”

The car ride wasn’t much longer and neither of you said much, you simply paid the taxi driver and got out of the taxi, holding Xiaojun’s hand instinctively when you led him up the staircase to your flat.

It wasn’t an instant thing. You both spent your lives making split second decisions. You knew how important every second was and that’s perhaps why you took it slow.

When Xiaojun came in you hung his jacket up and asked him if he wanted anything to eat, he politely declined.

You settled for watching Netflix together in a drunken haze, your head resting against his shoulder, his arm around your shoulder.

It wasn’t until the two actors kissed, an hour into the movie that you began to refocus on why Xiaojun really was here.

His arm around you, suddenly seemed different to just moments before. Xiaojun’s blush matched yours as you turned to face each other. Unable to ignore the building tension any longer.

Neither of you were exactly pros, you spent far too much of your time working. When you thought back you hadn’t had sex in over a year. Now, sitting so close to Xiaojun, you wondered how it was possible that you had managed that. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to,” Xiaojun began, “we can just continue watching TV and then go to bed, I can even go home if you want me too.”

Once again you didn’t respond with words but by kissing him. You sat up and moved so you were kneeling over his lap and leaned downwards, pushing him into your sofa cushions, until your lips met his.

His lips were slightly chapped from the cold, but you didn’t care, melting into his touch as his hands moved to grab your waist.

He sat up slightly to move closer to you, his hands pushing you down against his hips as he began to press kisses to your jaw and down your neck.

You jolted slightly with pleasure causing the friction between you to increase as your hands messed up his hair.

Beneath your thigh you could already feel Xiaojun starting to harden as your hips rolled back and forth against his.

“How comfortable is your bed?” Xiaojun asked, pressing his forehead against his, his breathing already affected.

You moved off him to stand up, grabbing his hand before you had time to miss his touch.

“You can be the judge,” you told him.

Xiaojun sat on the edge of your bed, taking the time to look at you as you tossed your dress to the floor, revealing your black lingerie.

“Did I tell you, you are beautiful,” he uttered, his gazed fixed on you, mesmerised.

You notice him readjust his trousers slightly, the bulge forming, starting to appear uncomfortable.

You walked over to stand between his legs as he pulled his shirt over his head.

“Would you like me to help?” you laughed slightly, getting down onto your knees in front of him.

“Are you sure?” he asked, “I can move so you can be more comfortable?” he offered. You shook your head and smiled.

“I assure you, I’m anything but uncomfortable,” you said, reaching to unbuckle his belt, before tossing it away as well. You unzipped his trousers carefully, Xiaojun sighed at the slight relief of pressure.

You pulled his jeans off his legs until he was just left in his boxers. You didn’t remove them immediately, you instead began to touch him through the underwear, causing Xiaojun to bite his lip slightly.

When the precum started to stain, you decided to put him out of his misery, pulling on his waistband until his cock sprung free.

For the first time you didn’t waste any time. You placed your hand carefully around his shaft as you ran your tongue over his tip slightly.

When you finally took him into your mouth it caused Xiaojun to elicit a moan so sweet you felt your core weaken.

Xiaojun’s leaned back as you started to move faster, the salty taste of his precum leaking into your mouth.

“Can you look at me?” he asked, “I want to look into your eyes as you suck me off.”

If that was his wish you were happy to oblige. You gazed up at him as his cock hit the back of your throat. Xiaojun let out a low moan.

“Your so fucking perfect,” he praised as he came, his cum leaking down your cheek as you tried to swallow it, “I’m sorry,” was all he said.

Once again you shook your head, wiping his cum from your face.

“Stop apologising Xiaojun, it’s making you cute again, not sexy,” you joked causing Xiaojun to chuckle.

Once you were on the bed next to him, he pushed you back into the cushions, propping himself over you.

He kissed down your neck and to your collar bone, reaching back to undo your bra clasp. It was his turn to toss your clothes away as he revealed your breasts, his eyes dilating.

He clasped your breast as he kissed you, pinching your nipple slightly causing you to cry out in pleasure.

“I think I am sexy now, am I not?” he said, not waiting for an answer as he continued down your body, kissing your chest, down to your stomach until finally be pressed a kiss at your waistband.

“Are you ready babe?” he asked you, his eyes soft but his grin devious. You nodded, slightly lost for words as Xiaojun moved your panties to the side, not bothering to remove them before he dragged one finger across your wet opening.

You moaned loudly as he slipped his finger in, quickly adding a second as he pumped in and out. It was the best thing you had felt in ages, but it just wasn’t enough, you knew what you wanted.

“Please can you just fuck me already?” you asked him. Xiaojun bit his lip again grinning.

“Your wish is my command baby,” he said, finally dragging your panties down and leaving them to the side. He was already hard again from the sight of you in front of him.

He placed his cock against your wet folds but before he could enter you had another wish,

“Can I ride you?” you asked him. Xiaojun smiled slightly, pressing a soft kiss against your lips.

“You can have anything you want y/n,” he said, sitting back so you could get up. You positioned yourself above him, his hands on your hips as you finally started to lower.

Xiaojun hissed softly as his length slowly entered you. You didn’t stop until you had taken all of him inside of you. You placed your arms around his neck and kissed him softly as you started to move, up and down him at a tortuous pace.

You didn’t want the moment to be over too quickly.

Xiaojun had other ideas, after a minute or so he started to push up into you, getting the message you speeded up, fucking him as quickly as you could.

“Fuck y/n,” Xiaojun cried out as he came closer to coming. You grinned slightly before moving off him completely. Xiaojun swore again at the loss,

“Are you punishing me for all the times I teased you?” he asked. You just chuckled.

“No, my legs are just tired, we can have sex whatever way you want to make up for it,” you said, stroking his hair lightly.

“On your hands and knees then babe,” he ordered, and you obliged.

Xiaojun began to fuck you again, but with him in control it much faster, much more needy. You whined his name as he fucked you relentlessly, his grip on your hips now strong enough to leave some sort of bruise.

“Please come in me,” you pleaded as you felt your high coming.

“So many demands baby,” Xiaojun remarked, tutting in mock dissatisfaction but really, he was happy that he was able to make you feel so good.

“Xiaojun!” You called out as you met your high, the feeling of your walls clenching around him causing, Xiaojun to cum too, just seconds later, filling you up until he pulled out.

You collapsed down on the bed beside each other, exhausted, glistening with sweat.

“You’re the best thing that job ever gave me,” Xiaojun said, pulling you in towards him, so your head laid on his chest.

“I think I would even lose the competition for you if you wanted,” he said, his finger tracing your cheekbone.

“I would never ask you to do that,” you replied, “also you really think I need you to lose, I can beat you Xiaojun, mark my words.”

“No chance,” he laughed, “Okay maybe some chance, but still, I will be the winner.”

You hit his chest lightly in jest.

“You’re overconfident.”

“No, I just know I’m already the winner, I have you as my girlfriend?” he half said, half asked with a raised eyebrow. You nodded in agreement.

“I have you as my girlfriend,” he confirmed to himself, “then my wish has come true.”

“You’re cute Xiaojun,” you smiled, kissing his nose, “and very sexy,” you added.

From then on, every time you needed to make a wish; you knew Xiaojun would grant it.

[btsficsforthehumble]

adj.: 1. Modern, unfamiliar, or different

2. Not based on or conforming to what is generally done or believed

pairing: reader x ot7

genre: college au; angst, fluff, smut, poly, ot7

Summary: You begin your first year at a prestigious university, set out on achieving your academic goals when a series of men step into your life that change the way you view the definition of love.

Part Seven

Warnings: sexual insinuations, slight sexual harassment (catcalling)

Word count: 2.7k

You hear Hoseok’s cheery voice call out your name almost immediately after you step into the quaint coffee shop. You send him a smile and a wave. Spotting Taehyung across Hoseok at the table, you send him a slightly more hesitant smile. The one he returns is one you have grown used to, now --- cheeky.

You order your coffee and walk over to the table after you get it from the barista. As you walk over, Taehyung sees you, and quickly clears away his stuff so you can take the seat next to him, and not Hoseok. At the sight, you hold back the urge to frown. It seemed like the pain in the ass Taehyung was back.

You sit, and Hoseok looks up from the textbook in front of him. “Hey y/n! How are you?” he says, his classic sunny smile on his face.

“I’m good! And you?”

“I’m great! I was just beginning to practice some problems for the first chapter, do you want to do them together?” he asks.

“Yeah! Let me just take out my book,” you answer, already reaching in your bag.

“Here, just use mine.” Taehyung slides his book across the tabletop, leaving it directly in front of you.

“Don’t you need yours?” You ask, furrowing your brows in confusion.

“Nah, I already did chapter one,” he explains with a shrug.

“Oh, okay, if you’re sure…”

“Yeah, go for it.”

At that, you and Hoseok begin to tear through the problem sets, moving rapidly as you had secretly studied prior to coming. As you finish the first chapter, he looks up at you and gives a noise of surprise. “You didn’t need any help at all! You weren’t giving yourself enough credit, y/n!” he teases.

You divert your eyes, feeling a blush climb to your cheeks from his praise. When you look back up, it’s Taehyung that catches your gaze. He was giving you a knowing smirk, seemingly having picked up on your little crush on Hoseok.

Your eyes dart back to Hoseok as you respond. “Let’s see how the next chapter goes, it might not be so easy…”

He makes a noise of agreement, flipping his textbook to the next chapter. “Yeah, it does get a bit harder. I’m sure you are already a pro though, based off of chapter one!” He gives you a toothy grin, causing your blush to return. “Taehyung, you didn’t do chapter two, right?”

----

An hour later, the three of you had managed to get through all of the practice problems together. All of you feeling tired, you were fast to slip into conversation about anything other than the math in front of you.

You learn that Hoseok is an environmental science major, and a third year. He also shares that he was in your school’s dance club, but shyly declines to bust a move at your and Taehyung’s insistence. His bubbly personality only grows when talking about his passions.

Having learnt Taehyung’s major earlier today, the only new information you got out of him was that he is a second year student, and is taking calculus as a general math requirement. He doesn’t care for it, personally, he says. Despite that, he also seemed to do just fine when the three of you trudged through the problems.

Before you depart for the night, Taehyung catches both of you, and invites you both to a party, hosted by his roommate on Saturday.

“I was told to invite everyone, so feel free to bring anyone you want. It’s supposed to be a back to school thing,” he explains.

Hoseok frowns. “I already was invited to something on Saturday, actually. Maybe next time!”

Their eyes both move to you, waiting for your response. “Uhm, yeah, I’ll come,” you answer. You didn’t have plans and honestly, you imagine you’ll want to relieve some stress after this week anyway.

Taehyung looks like a cat that got the canary after you speak, and Hoseok looks happy you were able to accept the offer, as he’s smiling at both of you.

“Yay! That’ll be fun, y/n! I’m sure Tae here will make sure you have a good time!” he beams, completely oblivious to the subtext of his own words.

Unfortunately, Taehyung wasn’t. He didn’t seem to care about the casual nickname Hoseok had used, but more so about the dirty interpretation of his words. “Of course, it’s always a good time with me,” he says with a grin.

You felt yourself grow slightly restless at the dual conversation being had. You wanted to tell Taehyung to stop being annoying but didn’t want to draw Hoseok’s attention to the dirtiness of what was being said. Taehyung must have noticed your shiftiness, because he places one of his large hands on your knee.

“I wish I could come! You two have fun without me,” Hoseok pouts.

“Oh, we will! Next time, sunbae,” Taehyung answers, giving your knee a light squeeze.

The thoughts that filter through your mind at Taehyung's words are far from innocent. It was one thing to insinuate that you and Taehyung would be having sex, but to suggest that the time after Hoseok would also be involved? Combined with the thoughts and Taehyung’s hand on your knee, you felt yourself get slightly turned on. Trying to calm down, you squirm a little in your chair, which tips Taehyung off to the fact that you were affected by the situation. His grin turns downright wolfish, at your chagrin.

Hoseok appears oblivious, as he begins packing up his stuff preparing to go home. After a second, you hurry to follow suit. Taehyung removes his hand as you do, allowing you to gather your things peacefully while he gathers his own.

You all stand, ready to depart for the night. Slightly uncomfortable with your partially aroused status, you clutch onto your bag and bounce lightly on your feet. Taehyung’s obnoxious smile fails to leave his face as he watches you.

Eager to escape, you bid them both goodbye, and tell them both you’ll see them in class tomorrow before you hightail it out of the cafe. Before you get more than two steps out of the door however, you hear a voice call after you. You stop in your tracks, and Hoseok speeds out of the cafe to catch up to you.

“Do you want one of us to walk you home? It’s dark out, and neither of us mind, right Tae?” He turns over his shoulder to confirm this with Taehyung who had emerged from the cafe right after Hoseok had.

“No, of course not. I wouldn’t want anything to happen,” Taehyung replies, now leaning against the glass of the storefront.

You shift on your feet slightly, torn. They had a point, it would be safer to have one of them walk you, but you were already a little jittery from the suggestive conversation that was just had.

Seeing your indecisive state, Hoseok reasons, “I live over by Munsu Street, if you live over there it wouldn’t even be out of my way.”

You couldn’t figure out if you were disappointed or not that he lived in the complete opposite direction. “Actually, I’m on Bongdeog… don’t worry about it, I’m pretty far from you.”

Taehyung raises his eyebrows once he hears your street. “I’m only a street over from you. I’ll walk you home, it’s no problem,” he says while pushing off of the building.

You glance at Hoseok, who was smiling at Taehyung. “Great! All right guys, have a good night!” he says, already backing up to go the opposite direction of the one in which you and Taehyung were about to go.

“You too!” you call out to him as you start walking away, back facing his receding form.

Now you and Taehyung were alone. You feel safe, but are on edge --- but only because of how he riled you up only a number of minutes before. Taehyung, on the hand, seemed perfectly at ease. Hands in his pockets, he started walking --- no, more like strolling --- towards your street. You both fell into a silence. Tense on your part, but easy on his, it seems.

After a few minutes, you felt the tension in your shoulders start to fade. Taehyung probably didn’t want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable while you were alone, you thought. Which, honestly, was really thoughtful and sweet… it wouldn’t even occur to most guys to do that.

After another minute of walking, you see him tense up slightly and glance over to an alley that you were approaching. You look up at his face, with his heavy brows furrowed in concentration. He looks down at you, widens his eyes, seeming to ask for consent for something.

Confused, you nod. He quickly wraps his arm around your side to pull you into him, leaving you hip to hip, his hand still resting in the dip of your waist. You look up, startled at the action, but are interrupted before you can ask him what the hell he thought he was doing.

“Is that your girl? She’s mighty pretty.” A man's voice called, seeming to come from the alley that Taehyung had looked at with concern moments before.

You see a man step out, wearing what looked like baggy clothes with some mysterious stains on them. His hair looked unkempt and greasy all the way from where you were standing.

Now you understand why Taehyung had pulled you in. He must have known that alley held some shady figures.

“Just keep walking and ignore him. He won’t do anything with me here,” Taehyung leaned down to whisper in your ear. You nod in response, not wanting to draw any more attention to yourself from the man, who now was only several meters away.

“Hey, I’m talking to you pretty boy. You want me to take her off your hands?” In response to the man's provocation, you felt Taehyung’s fingers tighten slightly on your waist. You could tell now that the man was visibly drunk, barely able to stand on his own, and seemed to be a poor soul that was down on his luck. You felt a pang of sympathy for the man.

You look again up to examine Taehyung’s face. He had his lips pressed into a flat line, and still had his eyebrows furrowed. The contortion of his normally open and playful features only emphasized his beauty. He looked so handsome, you think to yourself.

The thought passes quickly as you are brought back to reality. You were both now getting closer to the stranger, trying to pass by. You become more stiff with nerves, and Taehyung gives you a light squeeze of reassurance in response.

To your surprise, Taehyung reaches into his back pocket and produces a few bills from his wallet as you get closer to standing in front of the man. As you pass, he hands his money to the drunkard.

“Stay safe,” he tells the man, who was now looking at him with the same wide eyes you were giving him.

Taehyung ignores your wide stares, and continues walking as if nothing had occurred, completely unbothered. His hand still rested around your waist, however.

Realizing his luck, the man quickly scurries back down the alley from which he emerged, probably in fear that Taehyung would demand his money back.

Still surprised at what had happened, you were processing quietly to yourself for a minute. Once you both were out range of the man, Taehyung respectfully dropped his arm and gave you space.

You weren’t sure you were as relieved about it as you should be at his release. Your mind returns to the act he had done a moment ago, and couldn’t resist asking him about it now that you felt safe with the man gone.

“What was that about?” you ask bluntly, looking up at him to read his expression.

He just shrugged. After a second, he says, “That man is there all the time. Pretty sure he’s homeless. Drinks to cope, I think.”

Your eyes soften at his words. You had seen a serious side to him this morning; and now you were seeing him show his thoughtfulness and kindness, even for a stranger. Taehyung was proving to be a deeper person than what you had originally pegged him to be.

“You really didn’t have to do that, you know,” you say, wanting to get more out of him.

“I know.” He maintains his nonchalance. Seems like you wouldn’t be digging any deeper.

You both keep walking, again in silence. This time though, it is a completely comfortable one. The boy next to seemed like a different person than the one who touched your leg in secret and made innuendos about threesomes earlier. He seemed more mature, mellow even.

Before you even noticed, you and Taehyung had walked all the way to your street, both lost in your own thoughts. Moments later, you arrive at the front of your apartment building.

You stop at the entrance, and look up at Taehyung to say goodbye.

“This is me,” you offer.

He leans against the building, hands in his pockets. “Do you want me to join you up there?” He gives you one of his cheeky smirks.

“I think I can handle it.”

He wiggles his eyebrows. “You sure?”

You sigh, and roll your eyes. “Try again next time, buddy.”

“You’ll want me soon? Wow, and here I was thinking you were a woman of virtue,” he grins.

“It doesn’t take virtue to turn you down, I’m afraid.”

He fakes a gasp, and covers his heart with his hand. “You wound me, y/n. And here I was thinking we were friends.”

“Ah, yes, because good friends keep trying to get in the pants of the other, I forgot.” You stretch your arms above your head, the textbook in your backpack beginning to weigh on your shoulders. You watched his eyes travel down your body and back up, becoming slightly hooded. You’ll admit stretching may have also been a way to tease Taehyung.

“You can’t blame me too much… you’re quite captivating, sweetheart,” he admits, but holds his teasing tone.

“Sure, if you find all random college girls captivating. Which, I guess if you’re a fuckboy, you might,” you say with a shrug.

He raises his eyebrows, and pulls his head back slightly at your accusation. “Don’t write yourself off so easily, y/n.” He tilts his head to the side. “Have you seen me pursue any other girls? Flirt with anyone else at all?”

You look down at your feet at his questioning. The truth was, you really hadn’t. He only ever seemed to focus on you, which you had previously found annoying, but were coming to enjoy secretly.

“I suppose not, but I’ve only known you for a few days. Who’s to say the list of girls you have isn't long?”

“Who’s to say that it is?”

You narrow your eyes and regard him carefully. You wanted to determine if he was just bullshitting you or was being genuine; his eyes were open and honest, and nothing about his body language told you he was lying.

“You’re a strange one, Kim Taehyung. Goodnight,” you say with finality while you turn around to head inside your building. You don’t know if you can deal with any more of him tonight. It feels like he turns your head upside down. You can never seem to get an accurate read on the guy.

“Sleep well, y/n.” You hear his deep voice call out as the door shuts behind you, and it sends shivers up your spine. You hated the fact that he had that power over you, but he was undeniably attractive. And the more you uncover about him, the more you feel his pull.

Just thinking about it made you realize how exhausted you were from today. Today felt insanely long, so much so that the Jimin/Yoongi fiasco felt like it happened ages ago. You could practically hear your bed calling your name, so with sleep in mind you rush to get some rest. Tomorrow, you’d deal with Taehyung in Calculus --- tomorrow.

[thadelightfulone]

All I Want... 25 Days of Christmas Challenge, Day 6

November 21st - Part 3

DeeDee heard both her phone and computer go off at the same time. She sighed, turned away from the computer and picked up the phone. She decided to see what the girls had to say first. 

Phyll: DeeDee. We can just hit the hookah spot tonight. No club.

Bev: Yeah, and you know you love the wings from Hakeem’s place. It’s a win-win for all of us.

“Ooooh, Hakeem’s wings.” Her stomach gurgled at the thought. “Ok, maybe not.”

DeeDee: Sorry ladies. I have a bottle of wine and a very interesting book calling my name. But you two have fun. 

Bev: Fine. Next week, then?

DeeDee: Yes, Bev. Definitely next week, I have no class or work. 

Bev: Great.  

Phyll: Punk. 

DeeDee: Love you both. Night. 

Bev: Night.

Phyll: Yeah.

DeeDee slid the phone on the coffee table and picked up the computer. Now, back to her book. She clicked on Erik’s email and started to read. 

SUBJECT: RE: ‘MgYHeArTaNdSOULa’

Ms. DeeDee, 

There is no need to pout. I promise you that. 

So, you want a career in teaching. You love to see it. I think that is amazing. 

It reminds me of the work I started when I first came to the Center. I used to run an afterschool science program for the local kids. With the same goal as you, I wanted more of us in STEM careers, looking out for us. 

Reading. I wish I had more time to do it. A good book is always a great escape. 

Speaking of which, what are you getting into tonight? 

Mister Erik

“My night? Oh, just in front of my computer. Talking to a man, I didn’t even know existed until a week ago. Just spilling my guts.”

DeeDee never told anyone that her parents met at Southern, but something about Erik made her want to share that with him. Then realization dawned on her. It was another perfect set up for him to talk about his love life and he smoothly dodged it again.

“This damn man.” She rolled her eyes and got up to put the rest of the pizza away. 

“And of course, he used to work with kids.” Like he couldn’t be anymore interesting. DeeDee sighed as her smile returned. She grabbed another bottle from the fridge. It was definitely about to be that kind of night. 

DeeDee came back to the couch and picked up the notebook. She pulled out the neatly folded note, spread it flat and read it for the umpteenth time. 

On paper, he seemed like a dream. Talking to him, even better. There is no way that he was not happily taken by some extremely lucky woman.

DeeDee wondered what it would have been like if she had met him while he was still at Southern. She was on campus back then. A shy and soft-spoken junior who lived in the chemistry labs on campus. And Erik obviously would have been in and out of those same labs, too. 

It’s funny that they never did meet. “I would have remembered crossing paths with him.”

But then again, she didn’t meet Dr. O until he was a Grad Assistant for one of her organic chemistry classes. And she never thought, he would be her mentor when she joined the Ph.D program.  

And then there’s that part. One degree of separation and it just has to be that he is friends with Dr. O. Erik is obviously entertaining her for professional reasons, and not because he could be interested in her romantically.

“Get it together Dee. He is taken.” And yet, somewhere deep inside she kind of hoped that he wasn’t. That maybe he could see her for more than just his friend’s student. 

DeeDee looked back at Erik’s email, quickly wrote her reply and closed the laptop. She popped the cork on the new bottle and started drinking directly from it. With wine in hand, she got up and started swaying to the soothing sounds of Alex Isley and Masego’s ‘Good and Plenty.’ 

--- 

It had only been 15 minutes, but to Erik it felt like forever and he worried that maybe she did have other plans. He ran upstairs to change into some work out clothes and came down when his email chimed. He ran over to read it immediately. 

SUBJECT: RE: ‘MgYHeArTaNdSOULa’

Mister Erik, 

I am sitting on my couch, enjoying pizza and wine. Although, my bottle is gone. 

Other than that, I have no plans for the night. 

I let my best friends drag me out last night, so indoors it is for me. 

What about you? Any plans for the evening, like with someone special? 

It’s pretty early over there; like 7 in Cali, right? 

Anyways, I should probably let you enjoy the evening. Don’t be a stranger.

Miss DeeDee

“Wait! What?” Erik rapidly typed his response and sent it to her. He dropped down onto his couch. “I really lost my touch and can’t even talk to a woman anymore.”

He only asked because he didn’t want to assume she was gonna be available to chat via email all night. Erik knew he would do it, too. He was fascinated with her. He wanted to hear whatever she was willing to share with him. And yes, that meant even if he eventually had to answer the question. 

Erik went to the kitchen and got two bottles of water. From the living room, grabbed the tablet and headed to his downstairs gym. If DeeDee stopped responding at least he could work off whatever feelings arose. He set everything down besides the punching bag.

---

DeeDee had danced and drank all around her living room. But once she started to spin, the dance party came to an abrupt halt. The wine finally caught up with her and she plopped down on the couch. She slowly leaned over to set the quarter full bottle down on the table and opened the laptop. 

She had a new email. She squinted at the screen. From Erik. 

Her chest started pounding, so she took a few deep breaths and opened it. 

SUBJECT: RE: ‘MgYHeArTaNdSOULa’

Miss DeeDee,

It is a rare night in for me. I usually work on Saturdays, but I have had the whole day to myself. 

I played ball with some kids from the neighborhood this morning. And I cooked earlier this afternoon and was planning to watch a movie before turning in. 

However, I have been having a wonderful conversation and don’t really want it to end. 

Would you care to join me on a video call?

Erik

“WHAT?” DeeDee threw her laptop down on the couch. She stood up and paced the floor, slowly. “He’s gotta be kidding. Right?” She looked at the message on the screen again. 

She sat back down and sent the first thing that came to mind. Was this actually happening? What is going on? Her thoughts were circling around in her head and all through a wine-induced fog. Just her luck. 

“He --” DeeDee giggled, “Oh my god.” She dropped her face into her hands. 

---

Cool, calm and collected, he was not. Erik’s stomach was in knots while he waited for DeeDee’s response, if any. He hit the punching bag a few times in jest before the nervous energy kept him going. He stayed there for 15 minutes before moving to the free weights in the corner. 

As Erik laid back on the bench to start lifting the barbell, he heard the email alert. He slowly sat up. His heart couldn’t race any faster since he had been working out anyway. But it felt like it was gonna just fly out of his chest. He wrung his hands while he sat on the bench. 

He stood up and made his way over to the punching bag where everything was. Erik grabbed a nearby towel and wiped himself off before he picked up the tablet. 

“Now or never.” He unlocked it and opened DeeDee’s email. 

SUBJECT: RE: ‘MgYHeArTaNdSOULa’

Uh Mister Erik, 

I am enjoying our conversation as well. But I am not camera ready. And I am definitely not changing to get ready either. 

Let’s do it some other time. 

DeeDee

Erik released the biggest breath. He didn’t realize that he was holding it as he read her answer. Then he started to chuckle. And that small chuckle grew into a big full body laugh. It even echoed off the walls, but he could not help it. He was relieved by what he read, and knew exactly how to respond to it. 

He grabbed all his stuff and left the gym. He went upstairs to his bedroom. Erik sent the email and dropped his tablet on the bed. 

SUBJECT: RE: ‘MgYHeArTaNdSOULa’

Now DeeDee, 

Did I say anything about being all dressed up for this call? Doesn’t matter if you are in a hoodie and some sweats. 

I just wanted to have the face-to-face interactions while we chat because I can imagine you pouting about a silly question. And I am sure you want to see my reactions to you calling me Mister after I told you not to. 

No pressure, though. You have my email, so use it to connect to me if you want. I’ll be around, you know, since it’s early over here. 

Erik

Taglist: @teakturn​ @ghostfacekill-monger​ @shaekingshitup​ @nahimjustfeelingit-writes​ @woahitslucyylu​ @ladymac82​ @bugngiz​ @eyeknowmywrites​ @ajspencer1892​ @arafatih​ @issimplyaamazinggg​ @tchallasbabymama​

[writing-frenzy]

Airplane Crossing Over Plots~

Like it says on the tin, these were ideas I had for crossovers involving our fav writer~ (EDIT: Thank you @guiltycorp for inspiring this a bit XD)

Now, I’ve mentioned before, with Airplane choosing the go home option, he ends up still with a golden core in all this mess but he needs to cultivate his body really carefully because of it. (come on, he put in all the time and effort to be an immortal master, he should be able to still have his bad ass skills; not to mention with it being a soul thing, because a golden core is just as spiritual as it is physical, so he will definitely still have it.)

So, sealing his core and having his Nascent Soul outside his body to relieve some of the pressure on it, (having it look like a little chibi SQH that usually hangs out in hoodie pockets or hiding in Airplane’s hair with an aura of disguise around it), Airplane has to go and actually work out, which isn’t too much of a hardship for him at least, seeing as he’s had years to get into a routine and survival instincts kicking in to help him out there.

And, he may have actually started taking school seriously again, actually applying himself, maybe even getting an online accounting job to help supply his income. When he’s steady with that, he finishes PIDW the way he had been leading up to, the ending that makes the most sense and satisfices the writer the most (and if it gives him some closure, he isn’t saying anything about that.) Now that he is finally free from PIDW, and has college and work to worry about, he writes whenever he damn well pleases, and whatever he wants to fuck what anyone says.

(He might or might not write some absolutely filthy porn whenever the mood hits him, and cackles how his fans both greedily read it and cry because his newer works are so tragic, even if they have happy endings at times. Yes, Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky is a porn writer, but first and foremost is he an angst writer more~ His fan’s tears and cries just make him stronger kind of writer~)

(I just honestly want Airplane to write what he wants to now, that is one of the biggest motives behind all this honestly)

So, we have the set up :D let’s get to what we can cross over here~

First Up: ~Cutivation Group Chat~

Come on, how can one resist this? Plopping good old Airplane into this wild ride is one of the few things that makes me so happy in life. The thought of it makes me grin, especially since it can go two ways in my opinion~

First way: Airplane replaces Song Shuhang; like, just seeing Airplane, who was an Immortal Master and Teacher in those situations would be so funny, yet intriguing as well to see how he handles it, because you know he’ll be able to, just in ways no one ever expects. (Besides, that werid luck of Shuhang’s would be perfect for him, tho he won’t seek death like the other would~ :D Airplane still has a lovely sense of self-preservation~)

Second way: Airplane is one of Song Shuhang’s roommates. (for this, I’m going to say their Dorm was big enough for five peeps, because I want Airplane to have more friends damn-it.) Just... the imagery of the two neutral disasters getting into so much mayhem and hijinxs together, giving Song Shuhang not only a friend/brother in arms he can always depend and rely on, but also a steady source for learning and cultivation as well :D

(Also, Airplane and Gou Moumou being writer friends, the two of them able to bounce ideas on to each other (oh god, now you have inspired me, how dare you make me write this./hahahaha, you know you want too/ bitch turnabout is fair play/ ah fuck.) also: just the image of Airplane meeting Senior White and being completely unaffected because not only is his survival instincts going in overdrive, but also:

Airplane: ? He’s not my type.

Everyone: *jaws dropped*

:D Anyways~

Second Idea: Card Room (Rebirth)

Now First, for those who don’t know Card Room (Rebirth), this is an action/survival/mystery thriller BL Unlimited Flow type of novel; it follows one Xiao Lou, a medical professor who specializes with examining the dead, and his journeys through multiple rooms after having died in reality, the difficulty of each of these rooms measured with Playing Cards from 2 to K and with different types of rooms being sorted by their suits of Hearts (Mystery), Diamonds (Puzzle), Spade (Survival), Club (Luck/Money). The Goal of the story is to beat all the rooms and return back to the world of the living once more. To aid in this, people can get special cards to help them fight/ take care of their health/ or even just daily life essentials to be able to actually get through places. 

So... this means after getting all used to living once more and getting into his grove in the modern world... Airplane unfortunately kicks the bucket, yet again! Thing is, this time it happened after he played a card game with some of his roommates, I’m going to say poker, and they were betting who would do what chores. Aiplane managed to make out pretty well, and was pleased with it, so was very much bummed when he ended up dying yet again.  He goes through the room, some by the skin of his teeth, but with his cultivation abilities still usable (can’t stop something on a soul level here) he gets by okay. Though, all his cards either deal with writing, supplies, and the rare cultivation one at times.

He gets by at least.

Now, because this series gives me some emotions, here is one thing I will say: Airplane and Liu Ying end up partnering up and break through together, because damn it, Liu Qiao and her sis deserve some damn happiness ;-; Maybe Airplane and Liu Ying meet by chance, Airplane impressed by the young woman’s intelligence and Liu Ying can in turn be grateful for Airplane’s resourcefulness. Maybe even include the original girl that Liu Ying teamed up with, So we have three people already in your team to survive! (because surviving the rooms 2-4 is already damn amazing considering how hellish they get :D ) 

This is a fun crossover for me to imagine honestly, because it would be perfect to showcase Airplane’s skills in logic, reasoning, and pure survival our boy is known for; let that resourceful and logistic riddled mind out to play as he fights to get the fuck out of this world, even if The City of the Moon is beautiful and all.

:D So, those were the ideas I would like to really see, but here is some more for anyone curious:

Honorable Mentions: These are ones I would love to see Airplane accidently going into, and just going yikes, or nope! or even ‘Really?’

Lord of End of World:

... This story, it concerns me greatly; I like the worldbuilding, even has a few really cool girls in it, and I find the protagonist rather curious (to an extent, blackened Gary Stu that he is...) but does it make me cringe at times with the underage theme to it; it’s part of their cultivation and all, but god damn does the way this story push some of it really sqink me out, I had to drop it because it made me so uncomfortable, so just a heads up there. this is one of those stories that makes me want to write spite fiction, but also make me cringe at the thought of remembering it at times.

Anyways, so, how it boils down to it is that this poor guy, known as the Young Master of the Unground Palace, was abused in all the ways one can practically be abused, just so their Master can get stronger themselves by forming the perfect cauldron to absorb, but who manages to kill their master only to die as well. He ends up transmigrating into Gong Lixin, a 16 year old wealthy young master about a year (I believe) before the apocalypse happens... (Like I said, I have so many damn issues with this damn story, I cry.)

Just, on one hand, imagining Airplane in this world also makes me laugh (and maybe hope), because maybe here Gong Lixin could actually learn a cultivation style thats not only suited to him, but also doesn’t need him to dual cultivate all the time and rely on cauldrons (maybe get some needed therapy as well, Airplane knows some peeps; I can dream~), he can have a stable, reliable teacher here who will have no lust or attraction to him, Airplane helping the kid out at first because they look like they’re recovered from a really bad Qi-Devitation and the teacher in him can’t leave that alone. Airplane can also relate with the youth about transmigrating, maybe even telling him about his own time with that. (And Airplane can use his own cultivation to smack around any bitch looking sideways at his student, because fuck that shit, he is only seventeen and traumatized.) Just, turning this story into a cute mentor and discipleship and emotional healing would make me so happy.

Monster Inn Rectification Report

So, this is another Transmigration story~ MC transmigrates as a poor canon fodder son, who would have ended up in a vegetable state after being neglected in favor of the super amazing awesome adopted son. He then goes on to accidently inheriting a supernatural end for Monsters~

Like, this idea makes me grin evilly; though things will change up a bit, since both of Airplane’s parents have already split up and have their own families? Just, the Former An Ding Peak Lord running an Inn? :D Building it from ground up from bascially nothing? :D Oh, man, this man has run worse things, and even a Demon Kingdom, he got you~

Supernatural Movie Actor App

Its a BL about a guy with a split personality who does realistic (as in for real) horror movies through an app, to get his wish to come true.

This actually goes really good with my idea of Airplane wanting to be an actor and all, only to have his dreams crushed :D He doesn’t at first realize what he is getting into when he gets the app, thinking it might be a chance for him to still be able to do his dream, only, surprise, surprise, he ends up entering a real life Horror movie environment~ I’m really curious about what he would dream about~

I Have Medicine

:D Airplane and Gu Zuo interactions make me smile~ these two would be so fun, seeing them bounce off each other would be a treat.

So What if You’re Reborn

.... hahahahahaha, oh, the chaos that could be unleashed in this timeline would be glorious~

Running Away From the Hero

:)

[xxanimecoolgirlxx]

@threateningkahootmusic Prejudice and Fame belongs to them.

Vickie sat at the bar, mindlessly looking at her drink. Another long day at work as a news reporter/ investigative journalist, this time something about a corrupt company. Now normally this wouldn’t be an issue.

Except for the fact that she wished she could legally punch in a couple of individuals teeth without immediately facing assault charges.

Among other things, the company was facing allegations of workplace harassment, discrimination, unequal pay of workers based of sex, and an hostile work environment. And from her experience for working undercover there, it was, indeed, true. In fact, she’d say that the allegations weren’t telling enough! The amount of sexist and racist remarks made at her by staff and management alike would be enough to ensure that no new hires would be daring enough to go there. Even Vickie was surprised at herself for getting this far without snapping at someone. Not that it would’ve made a difference if she did.

All of this evidence through recordings and screenshots would make this seem like an open and shut case, right? Not quite. Even with the damning audio recordings, the camera feed, the multitude of paper documents and such, she knew it wouldn’t be enough for anything to really change. She needed something bigger. She knew that as it stood right now, at the very worse the company would blame a few lowly managers as scapegoats, fire them, and then say that they will do better in the future while knowing good and well that they had no plans on doing anything. Hell, even if they did get any legal repercussions, they could just settle out of court and be done with it. No, Vickie would need something bigger.

Right now she would be doing more research into the company had her work friend not dragged her to this self proclaimed “high end club”. Apparently her friend had been assigned to do an interview to this celebrity, Fame, at least that’s what she hoped his stage name was. She didn’t see a point in drawing needless attention to herself to she opted to stay at the bar and subtly watch from afar. Not like she was dressed to be here anyways, her black knee length form fitting dress was too professional to be in a function like this, her black hair wasn’t styled up to anything fancy and her dark skin wasn’t adorned with any makeup too flashy. It looked like she was at a job interview more than a nightclub. She was more worried about her case than anything else.

“Come on now, I know your defining character quality is being a square, but lighten up a bit, let yourself have some fun.”

Vickie’s eyes wondered over to the ghost that seemingly followed her everywhere, Helena. Seeing that Helena was invincible to everyone but her most of the time, she couldn’t outright face her or talk to her in public without looking odd to say the very least. She raised an eyebrow at the ghost. Like hell she was going to let herself get sloppy drunk and make a complete fool of herself. Maybe that was some other’s tastes to get so blasted that the next morning they don’t know where they were, but it wasn’t Vickie’s taste.

Helena could see the look in Vickie’s eyes

“I know what your thinking. I’m not asking you to behave like an absolute moron. But just chill it. You’re not on the clock right now, you’ll always have time to do this tomorrow. But for the love of god stop worrying yourself.” Helena then crossed her arms

“I promise you if you burn yourself out and pass out from pulling an all nighter again, let me you tell, you will not hear the end of my lectures in the morning.”

Vickie sighed. Although she didn’t say anything, she did make it a point to relax her shoulders and let herself slightly slouch a bit. She finished her drink before ordering a new one when commotion could be heard from the other side of the club behind her. Even with the loud music, Vickie could tell something was going on. Helena looked over and moved closer to see what was going on.

“Oh goddamnit, Prejudice, this is the 5th time this month you’ve crashed the party!” Fame grumbled as Prejudice smirked, snatching a drink out of the hand of Vickie’s coworker.

“Yeah, and I’ll do it again. Besides, I like how you get all p!ssy about it.” Prejudice said as he took a drink from his stolen beverage.

Helena moved back over to Vickie

“Don’t look now, but I think that’s the CEO of that company you’re looking into.” Helena whispered despite knowing she couldn’t be heard by anyone else. Vickie stole a glance to confirm what Helena was saying before looking away just as quickly as to not accidentally get unwanted attention.

“The hell’s he doing here? Shouldn’t he be more worried about saving his company’s face by discrediting the allegations?” She muttered quietly to herself as she took a sip from her Bloody Mary. Helena glanced over

“It looks like him and that other fellow know each other.” Helena said. “I’ll keep watch.” Helena said as she floated over to the crowd. Vickie’s grip on her glass tightened. Maybe this could be the chance she’d been looking for to get solid concrete against the company. Since her coworker, besides from an obvious camera crew, had a recording pen on her, maybe the pen might catch something incriminating, maybe embezzlement, tax fraud, something that really couldn’t be ignored, something that could ruin this business and its corrupt ways.

As she took another swing of her drink, she started noticing the feeling of eyes burning into the back of her head, like someone was staring at her. At first she thought it was Helena, until the ghost floated back over and the feeling didn’t go away.

“Did you catch anything?” Vickie whispered subtly.

“No, but he’s been staring at you. I think? He may be looking at your general area but he’s definitely been looking intensely at the bar area.” Helena said.

Vickie wanted to test that theory. She got up from her chair and walked around, acting as though she was merely stretching. The feeling of being watched didn’t fade no matter where she went. Even well after she sat back down in her chair. Ok, he definitely was staring at her. Did this guy somehow know who she really was, what her goals were? She didn’t think so, she’d done a good job hiding it.

By this point, the amount of people in the club dwindled down a bit, at least in the area she was in. Fame had moved to a different spot of the club and so did a large group of the crowd there. Everyone else around her were either drunk or leaving. Vickie was mid drinking her beverage when she felt someone approaching. Great, just great. She didn’t look over as she just wanted to be left alone. But alas, her luck for the night turned to be Jack sh!t as Prejudice sat down in a chair next to hers at the bar.

Vickie didn’t look over, just remained silent and indifferent as Prejudice pretty much ordered the bartender for some hard liquor. Helena looked like she wanted to intervene but Vickie signaled her not to with some cleverly hidden hand signals the two hand memorized over the course of their friendship/ her being tethered to Vickie. It was quiet for a moment, before Prejudice slammed his shot glass. He glanced over at the bartender.

“I’d suggest you take your fat ginger freak a$$ out of here before you also get a taste of what this little dumb bimbo is going to get.” Prejudice said, in this almost joking way, though she could tell by his voice that He at the same time sounded serious. Either way, it was enough to get the bartender out of there.

Vickie didn’t even have time to get up herself when she felt a hand grab her by the hair and slam her face down onto the counter. She felt her arm being twisted behind her back, the grip getting tighter when she struggled. Helena tried to help, to pull the man off of her but she was swatted away like a fly, which set off all alarms bells in Vickie’s brain. This man clearly wasn’t human.

“Now what do we have here? You know, looking at you, I’d think you’re just another dime a dozen mortal sl/t with less brains than a mutt, it took me a bit to discover what you were actually trying to do.” Prejudice said in casual voice that somehow sounded threatening at the same time. Even then, it was how he said theses things that started grinding Vickie’s gears. He said these things like he was entitled to say them, like it was owed to him.

“You may have fooled my dipsh!t employees, you dumb b!tch, but I’m not exactly as easy to convince. I know you plan on finding whatever evidence you can to ‘ruin’ me or whatever you want to call it. What, you plan on cancelling me? You seem like the type to type essays on Twitter on inequalities or whatever nonsense about equality like anyone will give a damn. At least nobody important will care.” He grinned.

“Oh go f*ck yourself you pompous little sh!t!” Vickie growled. She let out a loud hiss of pain as he twisted her arm more as a result.

“Oh, a little feisty? Good, I’ve been wanting something more entertaining than some obedient little pets. So please, go on. I’m going to break that jaw of yours either way but still, I want to hear more.” Prejudice goated on. She felt his hand slowly leave her hair and travel down to her waist.

“You know, if you really wanted to make yourself useful, doll, than you should stop worrying about whatever job you work in and start worrying about wearing something nice. You dress like a sl/t that acts like they’re someone of any respect. Really you’re not fooling anyone ” Prejudice said, the cockiness in his voice was what sent Vickie off to a boiling peak.

Using the mobility gained by his hand not being holding her head down, she stomped on his foot with her heel, as hard as possible, the man let out a curse but before he could really do much she took a shot glass from the table, spun around and smashed it right in his eye. Sure, this did result in her held arm getting twisted even more and probably dislocated, it gave her the opportunity to get free from his grasp as he stumbled back.

She then took this opportunity to start beating him with pretty much everything and anything in sight, fists, heels, a wine bottle she smashed over his head, chairs, anything in sight. All whilst calling him every name in the book, every swear and curse she could think of, hell, she was pretty sure she set a record. But even all of that didn’t really do much, not when immediately after she was backhanded to the ground when he finally got his footing. She didn’t even have time to recover as he grabbed her by her throat and slammed up against a wall, several times. By the time he stopped her head was spinning and blood was dripping from the back of her head. He then held her up off her feet, hand still firmly on her neck and then he squeezed down, hard.

She desperately scratched at his hand, tried to take gasps of air. But his tight grasp cut off her airways, leaving her attempts useless. Even worse, there didn’t even look like she laid a scratch on him, as any and all injuries or bruises inflicted on him had somehow already healed.

Prejudice’s smirk became wider as he squeezed tighter, his free hand yanking out any remaining glass from his eye.

“God, aren’t you just a fidgety little spazz? Hmm? Did you really think you could fight off a god? Though you’ve been great entertainment so far, it’s been a while since someone’s actually tried to fight me. Good to know not every mortal nowadays are p/ssies.” He spoke.

Vickie could see her world starting to turn dark as Prejudice kept talking

“Let’s just get this part over with. You WILL delete whatever ‘evidence’ you have against my company, and you’ll drop this case. If you don’t, we’ll, I’m sure you don’t have many options here, unless you wanna have a meeting with Death.” He said.

“Then, I want you to meet me in my office as soon as you enter the building. Don’t try quitting now that you won’t be able to do that little expose thing. I can ruin you in so many ways I’m sure your pretty little brain won’t comprehend. It’s alright. You don’t have to think, just do as I say and I won’t have to hurt you.. too much, sweetheart.” That ‘sweetheart’ was said in the most patronizing tone that it would’ve made Vickie said had she not been on the brink of passing out from lack of oxygen.

That was when Prejudice finally dropped Vickie, leaving her on the floor taking greedy gasps for air, her lungs burning from the lack of it. Prejudice just smirked at her once more before checking his watch. He took him longer than he thought. No worries, he didn’t have too much planned for today’s anyways.

Vickie laid there weakly on the floor as Prejudice just walked away, as if he didn’t just do what he just did. Helena by this point finally came too and quickly picked up Vickie, getting her out of the club and into her car.

“Vickie, Vickie. Don’t pass out on me, Vickie just try and stay awake! I’ll get help!” Helena said as she dashed over somewhere as Vickie fought to keep her eyes open before exhaustion finally hit and she felt her eyes close, her body forcing her to rest for the sake of recovery.

[ladyreapermc]

Fic: Catching Feelings 10/10 (Keanu x OFC)

Summary: AU in which Keanu is down on his luck after he comes to Hollywood trying to be an actor. To earn some money, he joins this app for escorts and meets Steph, a rising star who hires him to try to forget her ex. Neither of them is expecting to fall in love and all the problems it brings. Previous Chapters ( 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9)

Author’s notes: This is it, folks. The last chapter. This fic has been such an amazing experience for me and I’m so proud of it. I look back at it and I know I’d like to work a bit in a few points, but I think overall, it turned out pretty good. I want to thank everyone who stayed until the end. I hope you guys enjoy this last chapter and maybe I’ll get back to it for a few outtakes and how the future looks like for Steph and Ke.

Wordcount: 4455

Warnings: fluff. so. much. fluff. Also very soft sex. 

Keanu’s cheeks hurt from grinning so wide as they stepped out of the stage. It had been a great set. The energy high, the crowd receptive. Some of them even knew a few lyrics, singing along with Brett. It was amazing and once again he gave a silent prayer to the universe that they could finally do this professionally. Well, to the universe and Steph. He had to admit if she hadn’t sent Mike their way, Dogstar would probably still be struggling.

Once again, his chest ached at the thought of her. She had been in his mind the entire day and the dull pain was pulsing on and off with every beat of his heart, reminding him of what he lost. Some days were easier to push thoughts of Steph aside, but between his conversation with Kim and playing Honesty Anyway, Keanu was missing her more than usual.

Needing a moment for himself, he waved at Brett and Robert and headed to the alley in back of the club so he could smoke a cigarette before joining his friends for a celebratory beer. The last thing he expected to see in that cold autumn night, in his hometown of all places, was Steph.

At first, Keanu thought he might be imagining her. His heart longing for her and making his mind see things, but her name still escaped his lips as he watched her standing there, her back to him. He knew it was real by the way she tensed at his voice, but his confirmation came when Steph finally turned and looked at him.

It always hit him like a punch how gorgeous she was. Keanu had always heard the expression breathtakingly beautiful, but he never really experienced it. That feel of air being sucked out your lungs at the sight of someone. Not until he met Steph.

He took an unconscious step forward needing to see her better, closer. To feel her warm skin and smell her scent and taste her lips again, but Keanu froze. He couldn’t. Not after everything that happened. Not with the way they hurt each other.

“I didn’t know you were performing tonight,” she whispered, fidgeting with the CD in her hands, looking anywhere but him. “We came here to celebrate the wrap up for the movie. I had no idea…”

“You were shooting here in Toronto?” Keanu asked and she nodded. What were the odds? It almost felt like fate. If one believed in that sort of thing.

Time trickled by as they stood there. The silence stretching between them, heavy with all the things left unsaid last time they shared the same space and Keanu raked his brain for something to say, but his voice was suddenly caught in his throat, overwhelmed by the sight of her.

“I should…” Steph gestured to the club. “People are probably wondering where I am.”

“Yeah.” Keanu nodded, struggling against the lump in his throat. “Same with Rob and Brett.”

“It was good to see you, Keanu,” she whispered, taking a step back. “You guys were really great.”

“Wait!” He called out before Steph could go too far and she turned to look at him again. “Can we talk? Please?”

He saw Steph hesitate, glancing back before looking at him. Keanu could see the doubt in her expression but also hope. Maybe. He wished it was hope. Like he felt it too. Keanu truly regretted how they left things back in Paris and he thought about reaching out countless times, but with the entire press circus, he thought it would be for the best to leave it be. However, she was here now, and the media had finally forgotten about them. Maybe it was time. Maybe there could be a way… If Steph was willing.

“Ok,” she agreed. “I’ll just grab my coat and let my people know I’m leaving.”

Keanu just nodded in reply, watching as she disappeared back in the club before he dug out his phone and texted Rob and Brett, finally lighting up the cigarette he had been planning to. This time the goal was the calm his nerves. She was here. Steph was here of all places.

Sooner than he expected, Steph re-emerged, dark coat wrapped around her shape, hair pulled back in a ponytail, a few strands had remained stubbornly loose sticking to her neck and Keanu had to fight the urge to push them aside and kiss her nape as he guided the way to a burger joint a couple of streets over.

The diner was an after-party kind of place, food greasy, furniture even greasier. He hadn’t been there in ages but his usual booth was free and Keanu slid across the familiar red vinyl seat letting the warm environment of the dinner surround him and soothe his nerves.

They placed their order and just sat there in awkward silence while it was getting made. Keanu drummed his fingers nervously, wondering why this was so hard when talking to Steph used to be as easy as breathing to him. She was one of the few people that knew almost everything there was to know about him. Including the bits, Keanu could never bring himself to tell Kim.

“I’m sorry,” he breathed out, at last making Steph look up startled. “About Paris. I didn’t understand what it would cost you…”

“Keanu, no,” she shook her head reaching across the table to take his hand. “I was the jerk. I should be the one apologizing. What I did in that restaurant, that was…”

“As bad as me ditching you half-drunk in a nightclub while your ex harassed you?” Keanu interrupted an awkward, sad smile in his lips.

He had come to terms that yes, what Steph did was terrible, but he wasn’t a saint either. Jealousy was an ugly look on both of them.

“I guess,” she huffed, not exactly a laugh. More like a realization. “I forgot about that.”

“I didn’t,” Keanu sighed, grabbing a napkin and twisting between the fingers of his free hand. “And I never even apologized for it. I’m sorry. For everything.”

“Me too,” Steph said and there was so much in those two words.

Time seemed to stand still while they sat there, gaze locked together, fingers entwined with each other. It felt like they were sharing an entire conversation without saying anything. Baring their hearts for one another with just one look that spoke of regret and guilt, but also longing and affection.

 The moment was broken when the waitress brought over their order: burgers, fries, and milkshakes for both, but it was alright. In those precious seconds in which they just looked at each other, that deep understanding they once shared returned and they knew they would be alright. There was a lot to figure out, but they both knew they would figure out as they went.

They stayed in the diner until closing time, talking and laughing like they used to do before everything turned to shit. It was perfect and it felt like no time had passed at all between them. Keanu wanted to kick himself for wasting so much time, for holding onto something that would never make him happy only due to his pride.

Keanu shared a uber with Steph back to her hotel even if it was a detour from his mother’s house, where he was staying. He just wasn’t ready to say goodbye to her, but as they stood on the steps that led to the reception area, he had no other excuse.

“Well, goodnight,” he said, hands in his pockets, head ducked, hair covering his eyes.

“‘Night, Ke,” Steph whispered, her lips brushing the corner of his, her small hand resting on his arm as she raised herself on her toes to kiss him. “I’m staying until Sunday, maybe we can get coffee or something?”

“I can’t…” he sighed with a wince. “We’re heading for Vancouver in the morning. Another gig.”

“Oh.” She looked disappointed, but proud at the same time as she met his eyes. “Then maybe we can meet when you’re back in LA.”

“Which won’t be for another month,” Keanu replied sheepishly. “So, I could maybe call you in the meanwhile. Like we used to do?”

“Yeah.” Steph grinned wide and nodded. “That sounds good.”

---

Keanu was exhausted, but happy. They had finished their tour very successfully. Most of their gigs had been packed and their CD sales had been great. Mike said they were heading the right way and after a couple of weeks of downtime, he expected Dogstar to be back in business, working on some new songs for a second record.

During the month he had been traveling around Canada and US playing, Keanu had kept in touch with Steph. They were hesitant at first, walking in eggshells and trying to avoid any tricky topics that might set off an argument until Keanu got sick of it. He wanted them to go back to how they were and he said so one night after one too many celebratory beers while they were facetiming.

“We can’t, Ke,” Steph sighed, a shadow of pain crossing over her expression. “But I hope we can find a way to make things different. Better.”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, tapping on his bottle. “Ok, rule number one: no bottling up. If we don’t feel good about something, we tell the other.”

“And the other has to actually listen before reacting,” Steph pointed out, a smile sneaking into her lips. “Also, we’re obviously not good at sharing so…”

“Yeah. Definitely,” Keanu nodded before she could even finish. “What you wanna do about the press?”

“Fuck them!” Steph declared, tone forceful and with a harsh edge. “I’m done living my life on their terms.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes,” she paused, bottom lip between her teeth. “You? And your band? Because it might affect them.”

“They’re fine with it,” Keanu assured with a little laugh. “Rob actually said he was happy the kicked puppy look was finally out of my face.” Steph chuckled too at that. “And I’m fine with it. If you really want this.”

“I do,” she assured, with a smile and he saw her glancing at something off the frame, before looking back at the screen. “Only three more weeks.”

“And time flies,” Keanu added, smiling too.

It did fly at first. Especially when Keanu was entertained with the band and the shows, but as the day of returning to Los Angeles got closer, this eagerness to see Steph in flesh and bone seemed to turn every minute in an hour. Every hour in a day.

He was unfocused and distracted, always lost in thoughts about what it would be like to see her again. At times, Brett and Rob had to call his name several times before Keanu could break away from his daydreaming to actually focus on the matter at hand. They both took it in stride, knowing very well how it felt to be in love like that and happy that their friend was finally getting back to his normal self.

Finally, he was home and anxiety consumed him as Keanu got ready to go see her. Steph assured that she was fine with waiting until morning, knowing that he would be landing so late at night, but Keanu wanted to head straight from the airport if that was ok. He couldn’t wait to see her. Not anymore. Not when they were in the same city once again, only minutes away from each other.

He packed put his bass case and duffle on the back of the taxi, twisting the hem of his shirt under his fingers as the car made its way through the sinuous roads of Hollywood Hills towards Steph’s house, the familiar landmarks making his heart beat faster at each turn until the cab finally stopped in front of her place.

Keanu was shaking when he got out of the car, duffle in one hand, bass on the other. Much like the first time he had been here, a slow drizzle was falling, filling the air with the scent of wet earth. He knew he should get out of the rain; his case wasn’t waterproof and he couldn’t risk damaging his bass.

It was only a couple of steps towards the intercom, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, his feet seemed stuck to the concrete sidewalk. What if he ruined this again? What if they couldn’t make it work?

Keanu jumped startled when the gate buzzed and swung open without prompt. When it registered in his mind, he couldn’t help but smile. Steph must have been watching the cameras or the window and saw him arriving. That was enough to make him take a step forward, still anxious, still afraid, but at least he knew he wasn’t the only one.

“Hi,” she greeted as soon as she pulled the door open, sounding as breathless as Keanu felt and his smile widened when he saw Steph was wearing his t-shirt. The one he had long left behind in her house.

“Hey.” It was the only thing that Keanu could manage. God, he missed her.

They stood awkwardly by the door, watching one another. Eyes mirroring each other awed of being physically together again until Steph let out a short chuckle and stepped aside so Keanu could actually walk in.

A lot had changed in her place since the last time he had been there. The walls featured a different color and there were no longer movie posters from her previous works hanging around. Instead, beautiful photographs from the landscapes and skylines hung in their place and he took a moment to admire them, recognizing one as the view from Hollywood Hills from that spot Keanu had taken her when they went for a motorcycle ride.

“What do you think?” Steph asked, standing a couple of steps behind him and Keanu glanced at her.

“Beautiful. Did you take them?” A blush spread through her cheeks as she nodded.

“I had a lot of time off these last few months,” she replied with a shrug. “I thought a new hobby was in order.” She led the way to the sitting room, gesturing for him to leave his things wherever it was convenient. “Did you eat? I think I have some leftover lasagna Vincent made last night…”

Steph trailed off when Keanu’s arm came around her waist, preventing her from making her into the kitchen, bringing her into his arms instead.

“Hi,” he said, resting his forehead against hers and Steph grinned.

“Hey.”

Their lips finally met for that much needed, much-yearned kiss and Keanu sighed in contentment at the taste of her; the feel of her in his arms. He didn’t know when it happened and couldn’t believe how he didn’t notice before, but Steph tasted and felt like home to him.

For how long, Keanu didn’t know, but it explained why he had felt adrift for the last few months, even when coming back to his home town and his mother’s house, Keanu hadn’t felt that same comfort, the belonging that he felt right now.

“I missed you so much,” Steph sighed against his mouth, her hands threading through his hair. “I thought about you every single day.”

“Me too,” he said, his hands coming under her shirt, desperate to feel the warmth and softness of her skin. “Gosh! Why were we such idiots?”

“I don’t know,” she chuckled, shoving at his jacket, making Keanu let go of her only long enough so she could push it off him, before returning to her back. “But I’m not letting you go again.”

“Good,” he smiled, nipping at her lower lip, making her giggle. “Because I’m not planning on going anywhere.”

With a grin, Keanu hoisted her Steph up, her legs coming around his waist as she grinned too and let him take her to the master bedroom, laying her gently on the bed, before standing up again and kicking his shoes and socks.

“How do you want me, ma’am?” he asked, kneeling in front of her and Steph paused, her eyes shining with warmth and love.

“Come’re, babe,” she called, offering him a hand and guiding Keanu until he was lying on top of her, between her legs, his clothed erection pressing against her hip as their lips met once more.

The kiss slow, soft, exploring. Their hands roaming each other’s bodies, touching and peeling off layers of clothing until they were naked together, chests pressed against one another as they moved in sync. Lips found those familiar spots that made the other moan, their breath catching in their throats, their bodies growing hotter, slick with sweat, sliding against each other.

Keanu reached between them, finding her entrance with his fingers, rubbing and teasing, making Steph arch up, her fingers digging on his back. He smiled against her neck as he toyed with her clit, the look of ecstasy in her face making the burning need in the base of his spine grow, his cock hard, heavy and leaking against her thigh as she rolled her hips against the two fingers he pushed inside her.

He moaned at the way of her walls quivered around his digits, tight and wet and how Keanu missed this. The feel of her cunt welcoming him in, gripping at him like it was trying to keep him there forever.

“Fuck me, Ke,” Steph gasped, pulling at his hair so he could look at her. “I need you inside me.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Keanu panted, a smile drawing on his lips as he replaced his fingers with his cock, pushing into her welcoming heat slowly, grunting and gasping at the perfect tightness around him. Steph’s own moans making the need inside him grow as they slotted together, his cock completely sheathed inside her, his sticky forehead resting against hers as they caught their breath and adjusted to the overwhelming feeling of being united again.

“I missed this,” she said, a wide smile in her lips as Steph brushed some strands of hair away from his face. “No one makes me feel like this.”

“I know what you mean,” he gasped, adjusting her legs around his waist. “Guess we were just made for each other.”

“Yeah,” Steph agreed, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “Now move, babe.”

There it was again, the command in her voice. That tone that seemed to ignite something deep inside Keanu, stroking the heat of pleasure and with a smirk, he pulled back until only his tip remained, before slamming into her, making Steph cry out and curse, her heels digging on his lower back.

“Fuck yes! Just like that, Ke,” she exclaimed, raising her hips to meet his as they found their rhythm, their bodies reacquainted with each other.

Sooner than Keanu liked, he felt the telltale coil in the pit of his spine ready to snap. Steph was shaking and quivering, her walls squeezing him tight. She was close too.

“I’m gonna…” he warned, speeding up his thrusts, desperately seeking his release. She just nodded, shifting her body underneath him until they were rooting against each other, mouths locked into a gasping kiss, sharing breath and moans.

“Come in me, babe,” she whispered, making him snap.

Keanu grunted and groaned her name as he kept thrusting through his orgasm until Steph was squeezing and pulsing around him, her head thrown back in a wordless cry as she came moments after him.

They laid there together, resting against each other until Keanu grew soft inside her and tried to pull away but Steph just tightened her hold around him, making him stay still. For such a tiny woman, she was surprisingly strong.

“We’re making a mess on the bed,” he chuckled, rubbing his nose against hers.

“We can change the duvet later.” Steph smiled at him. “I just want to stay here, with you for a little longer.”

“Ok,” Keanu relented, meeting her lips for a sweet kiss. “You know, you never let me be on top before.”

“Really?” she frowned at him, obviously thinking back on their previous encounters. “I should let you do it more often. It’s nice to just relax and take it.” Keanu chuckled against her cheek and Steph giggled too.

“Can we stay like this forever?” he asked, meeting her soft gaze.

“I told you, babe,” Steph started, caressing his cheek. “I’m not letting you go again.”

“Good,” Keanu smiled, settling against her chest so they could drift off to sleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

---

Steph wrung her hands together on her lap, her eyes darting over to her phone every couple of seconds as if she stared at it long enough, it would make it ring. Like she could mentally will Keanu’s flight to arrive when it was delayed due to a storm in Seattle.

“Stop doing that,” Jean chided coming into the room. “You’re gonna ruin your nails. He’ll be here.”

“I know, I know,” she sighed, settling her hands on her lap and trying to look at her friend and agent without turning her head and disturbing the stylish working on her hair. “I just worried. What if he doesn’t make it?”

“Then he won’t walk the red carpet with you,” he said with a gentle smile. “But we always knew that was a possibility, honey. He will be there for the movie and afterparty though. You know it.”

She did. Of course, she did. Keanu had assured her that if Steph wanted him to accompany her to the movie’s premiere, even if the fact would stir up the rumor mill again, he would do it and fuck the media. Jean and Steph even talked to Katheryn about it and she couldn’t care less.

The movie had done wonderfully in Cannes, which had been the first showing of it. Both Katheryn and Steph were showered with compliments for their work so the director was pretty confident that having some gossip about Steph and her boyfriend wouldn’t damage the movie’s success. And if it did, well, Katheryn didn’t want those judgmental people anywhere near her work. Steph only wished she had Katheryn’s confidence.

Despite telling Keanu she didn’t give a fuck about what the press would say about them, as soon as the first paparazzi pictures hit the tabloids, she felt it like a punch. The mean comments and jokes. Photographers hounding both of them for information, but they managed to push through it and after a couple of weeks, things died down.

Especially when news of Kevin’s divorce, only a month after his wedding, hit the news and gossip turned to him. It wasn’t surprising that he cheated on her, but it wasn’t often that the cheated spouse released the photos of the betrayal just so she could have the legal grounds to wipe out his bank account since she didn’t sign a prenup.

Steph didn’t want to be petty, but when Jean called her to deliver the news, she couldn’t help the small chuckle from escaping her lips. Karma truly was a bitch. That had been six months ago and while Kevin got what was coming for him, Steph was enjoying her best life and couldn’t be happier despite the first wave of insecurity.

After the first month, Keanu just moved into her place already, since he was barely seeing the inside of his own apartment. With the money he was saving by not paying rent, they converted her basement into a soundproof studio so he, Rob and Brett could work on their new album. Steph’s garage now held not only her Audi, but Keanu’s Norton and the prototype of a motorcycle Keanu and Gard were working on, trying to get it into the market so they could make Arch grow.

Her house was suddenly filled with people like never before in her life and Steph didn’t know she loved it this much. She loved sitting at a corner, watching Dogstar play. Taking pictures every now and then, since it was her newest passion ever since she took a break from acting.

She loved acting and she would always love it, but after everything that happened, Steph wanted to make sure she was picking the right roles not only moneywise but because they had an actual message to deliver, much like Katheryn’s movie. Fortunately, she had plenty of savings and slowly as few ad companies were coming back, asking to work with Steph again.  

After that mess of a year, it was nice to see things getting into place.

It was nice to be completely happy, be in peace with her career, her romantic life and have friends. They were even thinking about getting a pet together, maybe a rescue dog, though Steph had always been more of a cat person herself. They even had an appointment the Monday morning after the weekend premiere.

If Keanu made it back in time that is. Dogstar had flown over to Seattle to shoot their first music video and since the three of them loved grunge, it would only be fitting that they shot at the birthplace of that music genre.

“All done,” the stylish announced, bringing Steph back from her musings and she looked at the mirror, smiling at the simple, yet elegant side bun in her hair. It fit perfectly with her light makeup and knee-length black dress.

“Thank you so much,” Steph said, walking into the closet to put her dress on while Jean showed the woman out. She was still debating over which shoes to wear when she heard the door again. “Think I should go for the stilettos? I mean, they murder my feet but they’re so pretty…”

“They are,” the deep voice startled her, and Steph turned around quickly to look at Keanu, standing there in a tailored suit, hair neatly combed, looking so perfect. “Especially when you’re only wearing them and your lingerie.”

“Oh my God! You made it!” she all but shrieked, jumping on his waiting arms as Keanu chuckled against her ear.

“Watch the suit. If I get one wrinkle on it, Jean’s gonna murder me,” Keanu commented, putting her down. “You look beautiful.”

“You always say that,” Steph smiled, standing on her toes to meet his lips.

“That’s because you’re always beautiful.”

“You two stop being cute and get your ass in gear,” Jean called from the door. “Car is waiting.”

“Sir, yes sir,” Steph joked, grabbing her shoes and her purse and following Keanu outside.

“Are you ready to do this?” he asked, getting the door for her.

“With you?” Steph asked, pausing in front of him, a huge smile gracing her lips. “Always.”

XXX The end XXX

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[cruezins]

       ☣  ;  (  KIM TAEHYUNG  ,  24  ,  HE/HIM  )  coming up next on rebel radio is OPAUL by FREDDIE DREDD  .  this tune goes out to SIWON RYU  .  rumor has it they just rolled into town and are fightin’ for the GHOULS  .  they’re AFFABLE  ,  INQUISITIVE but also AIMLESS  ,  MERCURIAL so watch your backs out there  .  we wish them the best of luck here in our golded city of light  .  stay vigilant  ,  stay dirty rock ‘n rollers and we’ll catch you for the next one  .

𝐎𝐎𝐂  :  hello  !  i’m deni and i don’t know what editing is  .  i use she/her pronouns and live in the gmt+9 timezone  .   i’m terrible with ooc chats and half the time just want to vibe a connection or plot idea  ,  so please don’t hesitate to throw a half-formed thought at me because i swear i’ll do the same  .  my discord is gay fairy#6371  .  anyway  ,  here is siwon  ,  someone i’ve been work-shopping for a while  !  looking forward to writing with you  ♡

                     ☣  ;  𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐄 𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐁𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐇  .

cw  :  drug mentions  ;  stop me if you’ve heard this one before------

       his dad’s a junkie and he hasn’t seen his mom since some fatcats bought their restaurant for a steal a few years before  ,  but that’s the way of life for a lot of people in the underground  .  young  ,  bored  ,  and desperate to hear and smell anything that wasn’t the rottenness of his own childhood home  ,  siwon found himself on the streets more nights than not  ,  spray paint in one hand   ,  painting nights in greens and purples until reds and blues chased him away  .  makes his first steal before he can tie his shoes  .  creates alliances with the neighborhood kids  ,  sneaks around to watch how the haves live with their pretty  ,  pretty screens and their ugly  ,  ugly words  .  school isn’t anything special  ,  either  ,  and while siwon can’t remember shit that he reads from a page he can work with his hands  .  fast and efficient  ,  nimble fingers whether they’re flying across a keyboard or fucking around with some screws  .  you can make something of yourself  ,  some of his teachers tell him while others can’t stop bitching about homework or tardiness or the way he falls asleep in the middle of class  .  but what’s siwon supposed to make  ?  he and his ragtag group of weirdos he calls friends  .  when he gets older and nights get hungrier  ,  siwon learns to stop relying on the benevolence of neighbors and finds a job  ---  he’s fast  ,  after all  ,  with a sweet face and wide eyes  ,  makes a helluva getaway after years and years of running  .  

       thieving’s a natural grift  .  he’d been training for this his whole life  .  then he catches the eyes of a boss man who isn’t nearly as mad as he should be catching some kid with his wallet in his hands  .  courier comes next  ,  ferrying messages from a bunch of suits all over the city  .  siwon never opened the packages  ,  never second guesses the credits that start bloating his account  .  desperate  ,  he does what he’s told and does it well ------ and that’s the real kicker  ,  isn’t it  ?  that after a year and some-odd months of dedicated service they leave him high and dry with some bullshit he doesn’t have any involvement with  .  after years of running  ,  boys in blue finally catch him and he’s left to take the fall of some dumb fuckery  ,  man  ,  and he’s pissed  .  steaming in jail  ,  it’s a wonder some other gang didn’t get to him first  .  the longer he sat and talked with that ghoul member  ,  the more he grew to despise the rich  ,  the ones who left him to rot after all the shit he did for them  .  what was even the point anymore  ?  dog eat dog kind of bullshit  ,  no sense of loyalty or shit anywhere  .  the law and all that money was out to get him from the beginning and siwon had enough of it  .  a few months locked up but he learned and leaned and learned  ,  only able to get out on a technicality  .  the second he stepped back out into the sun  ,  siwon followed the map given to him and signed up for the ghouls  .  city of light be damned  .  the only lights he wants to see are flames eating this hellhole alive  .

                    ☣  ;  𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐂𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓  .

➤  full name.  ryu si-won ➤  date of birth.  january 29th ➤  hometown.  city of light ➤  gender.  cis male ➤  affiliation.  ghouls  ➤  primary occupation.  drug runner  ,  pickpocket  ➤  secondary occupation.  network manager at an internet cafe 

➤  sexual attraction.  pansexual ➤  romantic attraction.  panromantic ➤  character alignment.  chaotic neutral ➤  personality type.  enfp ➤  temperament.  sanguine ➤  wants.  power  ,  family

       stands around 5′11  .  broad shoulders  ,  slim hips  .  floppy  ,  messy hair and sun browned skin  .  half legs  .  a few pieces of silver in his ears and a small hoop on his bottom lip  .  dresses somewhere between a washed up rockstar  ,  your college weed dealer  ,  and a miami vice reject  .  style’s a whim with a closet’s chaotic mix of anything he thrifts or patches together  .  most of the time he’s sporting cuffed jeans  ,  vintage blouse  ,  a denim jacket or tweed blazer and thick ass boots  .  keeps all that hair back with a bandanna or a headband  ,  hair ties on his wrist  .  nothing in his closet’s technically new and he loves looking for a bargain steal —— or simply just a steal  .  likes colors just as much as he likes his neutrals  .  wears a black air filtration mask and fingerless gloves  .  considers his floral button-up shirts fancy material and his trousers cut off at the ankles  .  likes the smell of old leather and the breathing of fringe on a jacket  ,  the weight of heavy rings on his fingers and sunglasses swooped low on his nose  .  wears a monocle because he can’t be fucked with reading glasses  .   his hair’s been every color of the rainbow and he’s always changing it up thanks to temporary dye  .

                                    ☣  ;  𝐁𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐃 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐎 𝐎𝐍𝐄  .

       hustles at arcade halls  ,  scarfs down ramen and burritos like they’re gonna disappear  ,  looks as comfortable in a dark  ,  dirty alley as he does standing under all those lights in the neon district  .  pockets full of candy and a lollipop between his lips  .  likes cheap beer and cigarettes  ,  fast talking and smooth smiles  .  gets up when the sun goes down  .  who knows if he ever gets a full night’s sleep  ,  but you can find him taking a nap just about anywhere  .  seems to live for the dark hours and stays busy as a bee  ,  at the internet cafe one moment and grabbing fried cheese sticks in the next before crossing the bridge to watch the street races and venturing to the tunnels for the fighting rings  .  complains about being broke but puts down bets faster than anyone  .  lives for the feeling of wind in his hair so the window of his top-floor one bedroom shit hole stays open all the time  .  feels the rain on his skin  ,  plays with matches  .   learned how to assemble a gun in less than sixty seconds and stays packing nowadays though he can’t really shoot for shit  .  spray paints boobs on the sides of government buildings and dicks on malls  .  looks like an angel under all those holographic lights  .

       rides a motorbike and his skateboard  .  can do crazy math in his head and spot fake bills with incredible accuracy  .  can barely stand to sit still  ,  always moving except when there’s a computer screen in front of him  .  gets addicted to things so easily it’s scary  ---  people  ,  food  ,  liquor  ,  feelings  .  craves that intimacy  ,  craves that closeness that’s always been denied to him  .  has a loud as fuck laugh and a love for sneaking into places where he doesn’t belong  .  catches extra cash on the side by fixing up broken-down machines and can figure his way around a motor with a bit of elbow grease  .  still sees his family  .  not as much as a good son would  ,  but he sends cash when he can and looks after his younger sister  ,  makes sure she stays well and clean  .  they don’t know half of what he’s gotten up to since he was let out of prison  ,  but they might have some idea --- after all  ,  who’d pay a crooked boy with a record as well as he seems to be  ?  when the sun starts to come up and he crashes into bed  ,  siwon stares out the window and thinks about how in another world  ,  or in another time he probably could’ve been something  .  could’ve made something great  .  but for now he’s just got a whole lot of anger  ,  raw like a fresh wound he can’t stop picking at  .  

                           ☣  ;  𝐈𝐒 𝐈𝐓 𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐘𝐎𝐔  ?

➤  bonds.  my loyalty to my friends is unwavering  ;   i owe everything to my mentor --- a horrible person who’s rotting in jail somewhere  ;  i fleeced the wrong person and must work to ensure this individual never crosses paths with me  . ➤  flaws.  once i pick a goal  ,  i become obsessed with it to the detriment of everything else in my life  ;  when I see something valuable  ,  i can't think about anything but how to steal it  ;  i have a weakness for the vices of the city  . 

       he’s friendly  ,  but he doesn’t make friends easily --- the ones that he has made  ,  he’d do anything for  .  because that’s how he’s gotten this far  ,  right  ?  all those people who looked after him when others tried to stomp him out  .  he’s still close with his teen friends who threw a few grifts with him  ,  gaming buddies that he knows only through a screen  .  little escapes from all the other bullshit going on in the world  .  even though he isn’t a club guy  ,  he runs into more than a few faces on his rounds  .  maybe they’re bad influences or sweethearts who help that touch starved affliction that comes from living in a city so wired  .  on the flip side  ,  there’s some enemies --- competitors in the runner world  ,  antagonists he meets at the races or rings for whatever reason  (  insane bets make tempers run hot  ,  who knows when they’ll flare for good and siwon’s learning the hard way how to keep his mouth shut  )  .  he’s fixed up a few cars or weapons for people recently because he misses working with his hands  .  y’know  ,  making nice  .  then there’s people he’s caught in a crossfire with  ,  where they’ve met something nasty one too many times before over turf  ,  territory and clients  .  a newer face to the ghouls  ,  he’s bugged someone into mentoring him  ,  and gone on a few runs with someone he loves to call a coworker  .  

       eager to prove himself as more than a green kid with a keyboard and an eye for detail  ,  find him cutting deals and making trades in smokey barbecue houses  ,  hole-in-the wall ramen shops or by taco tents  .  a full bellied class of clients are happy clients in his opinion  ,  and siwon isn’t above not making deals with the other groups who’s names aren’t violent delights  .  speaking of which  ---  there are definitely some skeletons there he aims to confront  ,  some old demons to fight from that class of people that fucked him over  .  there’s an ex lover in there somewhere  ,  probably met in that pre-prison childhood phase when he mingled past class lines more  ( ~1.5-2 years ago )  .  someone he’s healthily fearful of for whatever reason  ,  and maybe a vendetta against the family that scammed his parents out of their business and basically sent his life spiraling  .  there’s someone who isn’t what they seem  --- he doesn’t know who they really are  ,  and maybe they don’t know who he is  ,  either  .  they’ll learn eventually  .  someone he’s protective over  ,  someone who protects him in ways he doesn’t even know  ,  and those he looks after because they grew up on the same side  .  desperate for connection  ,  desperate for a place  ,  he finds it all in heaven and hell  .

[goalkepa]

2k followers appreciation post💙

I did the appreciation post when I reached 1k probably a year ago. And I feel like I need to write this again, not only because I keep this as part of the memories but also because I regard it as a chance to show my gratefulness to every single one of you who has become my friends or just simply support me, unconditionally. This post will be pretty long I guess. You can just scroll through as long as you feel annoyed. But if you have time, especially those who I will mention later, I hope you can read it word by word, because you guys really take a big part in my life. Without further ado, let’s get started!

I’d love to mention some *old* friends first:

@thomas-partey :

Probably the one that has been there for me from the beginning of this journey? I always enjoy the time when we have talks, Yerika, about Atleti, about life. You are such a sweet and brave person, who will put all your efforts to reach the goals you set for yourself. That’s what I admire A LOT. Although we didn’t talk that much like we used to, because you’re not online pretty often anymore, just want you to know that I’m still here for you, always. And I feel like I’ll write you a message very soon🙈Thank you for always backing me up. Much love to you.💙

@coolsaul :

Awww Julie my superb French bean out there😍 I still remember when I traveled to Paris, I messaged you about some stupid questions like I was so worried that if I couldn’t find the location of Boutique FFF or if I went there and the store was not open etc. But you were so nice and patient to me at that time, and even now you will still answer ALL the things about Les Bleus and even share your amazing memories (like meeting all those French idiots) with me, which makes me feel so so honored and happy. Oh and not to mention how awesome you are as an Atleti’s fan and how ambitious you are as a beautiful lady. Wish everything goes well there in UK. Much love to you💙

And now here comes some *new blood*. I think I’ve talked to more people after World Cup compared to the time before this tournament. The reason? I don’t know. For me, this needs a lot of courage and I’m extremely glad that I sent the simple “hi” message to some of my mutuals (or few of you sent me first), who are all so freaking nice to me. I wrote the order randomly. In case I forgot to mention some of you, I’m truly sorry. It only means that I’m a dumbass and I honestly don’t know how to put my feelings into words. Anyway, I thank all of you a lot. Here we go:

@niguezsaul :

Needless to say, the funniest Colchoneros I could not ask for. When the game is live and you post your live update, it’s really entertaining. Sometimes it could be hilarious, or just so close to the truth. Your love for Atleti is very valuable and precious. Although I believe you’ve experienced the hardness of supporting this color, you will never give up, right? When the next season comes, you’ll definitely witness our spirit by yourself. Trust me, Karo. You won’t regret for being heartbroken for them over and over again. Much love to you💙

@the-place-to-sparkle :

Let me introduce you a sweet, kind, caring and beautiful lady. Her name is Cami. You’d better write it down. Girl, your love for the things you adore is the purest thing on this planet. Not only football, but also the way you dream of living in your life. On this site, there are too much hatred and negative things. But you are never affected by this. You’re always the one who shares positive stuffs, post some good vibes and reblog all those gentle reminders, which are helpful for those who need, including me. What makes you become such a unique person in my heart, is that you never hide the true side of yourself. This is why all of us love you, Cami. We love the real you and you should never change for anyone. Keep on sparkling✨ my lovely bean. Much love to you💙

@diogodxlot :

Okay so please let me say this again, you are so fucking beautiful ngl (Hector should open his eyes honestly😏) I really really love those locksreens you made, all of them. You have a good taste in aesthetic. I hope I can reach 1% of your level😂 And the thing that you said you cannot choose a single player to print on the jersey? That’s the cutest shit ever, Charvi, really. I hope you get yourself a jersey very very soon. Manchester United owes you one. And good luck to the last exam. You’re gonna SMASH IT. Much love to you💙

@lidah-itsme :

The most gorgeous Italian on this planet goes to…. Teresa🥳 You don’t know how much I love the story behind the name “Lidah”. This is not only such a cool thing but also a meaningful way to represent yourself. I love it. Also your love for Liverpool and Trent amazes me every single day. You’re such a nice fan, only focus on your team in a positive way. That’s what we need on this site✊🏻 By the way, I remember you love Eden Hazard, right? Maybe we should talk about how this happens, privately👀 Much love to you 💙

@draxla :

So, Nathália, my Atleti’s and Chelsea’s mutual. Becoming part of the Blues is not in my plan but here I am. And I’m so glad that there is someone who can experience the pain with me🤣 We haven’t talked too much, but I like you and your point of view. Your thoughts are so close to mine most of the times. I feel grateful for that. At here, there are too many different opinions and finding a person who thinks the way we do is such an awesome thing. I believe you can feel it too. Thank you so much for being my friend. Hope our teams still stop disappointing us for the rest of the season🙏🏻😂Much love to you💙

@erikscn :

Let’s first talk about the Gremi thing, joking😜 But this is probably the reason why we started our conversation. So, I guess, thanks to that😂You’re talented in writing. Your work for my boy Paulo is such a beautiful masterpiece. Promise me that you will never stop showing your talent, alright? What I adore you the most, is your personality. Those stories you told me give me clues about which kinds of person you are. And this IS the Greta I LOVE😌 Don’t ever feel that you’re dumb or not good enough. Being who you truly are is the reason why you’re on this post, and he knows it too! Much love to you💙

@holdmyhopeinyourhands :

First of all, thank you for being my coolest mutual askjsanjkn🙈 I honestly never saw anyone shares their deepest thought of players like you do, Mona. Those post you dedicated to specific players are enjoyable to read💞 And your love for PSG and Roma is the most supportive I’ve ever seen. They are lucky to have a fan like you. Never stop doing what you’re doing, including writing the umbrella academy fanfic. You have the rights to decide how to manage your blog and I’ll support you no matter what✊🏻 Much love to you💙

@avsensio :

Who is the funniest person on this site? Lexi. Whose posts always make me choke? Lexi. Who is the master of using memes? Lexi. I’m not going to give more clues about how awesome this girl is🤷🏻‍♀️ I still remember our first talk. It was an unforgettable night for me. After time goes by, we found out so many mutual points, like we are both March baby, our love for France NT and we both adore Lauv’s music etc… the things we share really cannot describe by words🥰 And remember you told me to not stop what I’m doing, to not affected by others? Your words sill impact me nowadays. And now it’s my turn to tell you, do not fucking change yourself for others. Yea it’s impossible to let everyone like you but you will always have my support. ALWAYS✊🏻Much love to you 💙

@fcsonny :

Nicole💞✨ Can’t believe we met on tumblr when you were at Taiwan. I noticed you because you reblogged my post of the football journal and said you are able to understand the content. My first thought was like “oh shit there are people who can understand what I’m rambling in the journal😱” and then I thought “wait you speak Chinese?!?!?😍” so we talked and this is honestly one of the coolest experience ever, not to mention how nice you are to me. Thank you for that and next time when you visit Taiwan for the fourth time, message me in advance so I can show you around👌🏻 Much love to you💙

@paudybalas :

I’ll never ever forget that you came to my ask box and told me I’m the reason why you decided to create a football blog😭That was definitely one of the warmest compliments ever happened in my life. And you know what? You’re meant to become an awesome football blogger. I may inspire you but you are the only one to make your blog perfect and honestly, I feel like a proud mom🙈Those gifs you made are art. Those personal stories we share with each other will forever be part of the memories in my heart. You inspire me as well, Ellie🥰Thanks a lot. Much love to you 💙

@football-laeli :

Don’t want to sound dramatic but you are absolutely one of the sweetest human beings here🤧 Positive vibes only, always trying to convey some good energy and that’s amazing, Janna. Also, I’m so glad that you decided not to hide your support for you club Ajax anymore💞You changed for your boys, is there anything more powerful than this? I guess none. You’re such a sweet lady, and I wish one day all these good things you give us could all go back to you, because that’s what you deserve😉 Much love to you💙

@disappointment-fc :

So, you are a special person to me. First, you support Real Madrid and you once tried to convince me to love Sergio Ramos😂 This...is honestly quite cool and you are a nice madridista, which surprised me the most najksjnjas🙈 Second, you like Jeremy Lin (right?). Please take care of him🙏🏻Third, you are my kid and I’m your mother. You never go to bed on time, which means I could spend more time talking to you so I’ll try not to ask you to sleep early in the future👀Anyways, you’re one of the few that sent me messages first and have always been nice to me since then, including encouraging me when my team falls down. That’s the kindest gesture I could not ask for more. Thank you, Chloe💞✨Much love to you💙

@theblxefox :

I’ll never stop saying how much I thank you for inviting me join the Chelsea family👀🤧 Without you, my love for Kepa would just remain the original level (now it’s unstoppable😏) I love the way you deal with Chelsea’s disaster, being sarcastic but the love is still strong. Also, on this site, you not only care about football, but also global issues, sometimes even political aspects. You are not afraid of speaking your thoughts. Meanwhile, you stay respectful and let others convey their opinions. We need more people like you, Tommer🙏🏻 You’re that kind of person I dream to become. A kind of person who is beautiful both inside and out. Much love to you 💙

@footballgotmeoncrack :

The only person I already met in real life before having a talk online✨ This is not a coincidence, Angie, I always believe it’s not. The story happened between us is the most unique, ever. I remember you because you were nice to me at the stadium, and you are still nice to me, every second since then. Your love for goalkeepers, like Hugo, Gigi and Iker, is so pure and strong. I could not quite understand why goalies needed to be loved before I also become a fan of a goalkeeper. That’s why I admire you a lot, because you already started to protect the most important and underappreciated role on the pitch✊🏻I’m so glad that you’re able to see your team Spurs this summer. I’ll pray for you to get Hugo’s autograph or even a chance to talk to him🙏🏻You deserve it, my bestie. Also, good luck to your studying in advance. Much love to you 💙

@madtimer :

My beloved Taiwanese mutual here🥳 It’s hard to find a girl who loves football in Taiwan. That’s why I feel grateful to meet one here, not to say how sweet this girl is. Your love for BVB and Milli reminds me of my love for Atelti and Grizi. They are quite the same. Being disappointed but we never give up on them, right Lisa? And all those gifs you made, the way you support your team, is something I want the most from a football fandom (tho I still haven’t download PS because I’m too lazy skajnskj) also you are the one that writes journal related to football, like print some players’ photos and puts some thoughts on it, which makes me so happy because I’m not the only weirdo doing this👀 Anyways, thank you for always being there for me when I need someone to talk in Chinese😜 Much love to you 💙

@hazantowifey :

Potato’s wife, sometimes I really want to punch your face when you said cruel things about football but sadly😂 I can’t, because those are the truths, and you help me accept it. I will never forget that day you commented below my post saying that I’m important to you. Like, I’m shocked because we didn’t really have a lot of conversation but you already regard me as your friend. I still can’t believe it really happened to me😭 You can never make me mad, because you always know how to make my heart go like “aww” by sending me Kepa’s gifs🤦🏻‍♀️ And I HATE you for that. Hope one day we can meet in real life. Maybe go to THE 1975’s concert or a football match, Belgium vs France, so you can wear your Hazard’s jersey and I can wear my Anto’s jersey😜 I’ll look forward to that day to come. Much love to you💙

@leroysanei

My dearest 🐰 , the one that sent me messages first when I need it the most. An important person who always knows how to cheer me up. A person who will send “good morning” to me. A person that truly regards me as a real friend in her life. You take a big part in my heart, 🐰. No one can replace you. Your kindness is the reason why I opened my heart again, to make me believe that there are people I can trust on this site, to make me believe there is someone who will understand my feelings even tho they didn’t know me before🙏🏻 Except for talking about football, I love the time when we share our lives more, oh but maybe also when we are pouring our love for Kepa janskjnskdj🙈wow I really drag you into it I’m 👀 so proud of myself. Your reaction when you said you wanna dance with him in the rain, gosh this is the cutest thought EVER (oops I’m exposing you again 😬). You’re such a clever, independent woman. You’re much more amazing than you expected. Anyways, 🐰, thank you for becoming my best friend in life. Much love to you 💙

For the last one, it will go to my forever soulmate @footballffbarbiex

The one that joined me from the beginning of this journey. The one that has saved me from depression over and over again. We have been through many hard moments and shits together, which others will hardly understand. There are a lot of times when I only sent you a simple sentence, but you got it all. I don’t really have to explain anything you just know me too well. I don’t know why I’m so lucky to meet you in my life, to have you as a friend, a family. Besides being my soulmate, you’re a blessing to this fandom. First, I love your writing, a lot. You have to admit that you’re so talented at this part. That shhhh seires? Masterpiece. That Kepa’s one shot? Masterpiece. I won’t go on for the smut ones because that will expose myself ajsnjnaksjn😜 Second, you have a great interaction with your readers. You listen to their opinions, talk to them and always being so nice. We should all be grateful for those beautiful works you’ve provided to us. Third, you always care about our feelings and always being so respectful to everyone. You deserve love and love only, Amy💞 Words will never be enough to describe my thankfulness. But meanwhile I’ll never stop saying this, thank you, for being one of the most important people in my life. I’ll love you forever and ever💙💙💙

At last, thank you all those who came to my blog and left some sweet, kind messages. Thank you all for liking my stuffs, giving me encouragements or sharing your thoughts with me. It literally means a lot to me🙏🏻

It’s such a pleasure to be on here and I sincerely hope I can bring more joy and positivity to all of you in the future 💙

Love you guys so much,

Steffi

[braindamageforbeginners]

Male Fragility and Male Pattern Baldness

14 months, two weeks, one day post-dx

This week, in addition to The Donald, the big news has been... Gillette shaving products. You might know this company for the various shaving-based products they make, or the catchy slogan, “The best a man can get.” Which sounds a little weird and unintentionally homoerotic, but I dislike bleeding when shaving, and, for travel purposes, they have the market for disposable razors.

In the wake of Brett Kavanaugh being confirmed and Cadet Bonespurs still not being called for using the word “pussy” on a live mic (okay, so, even if we want to accept the idea that men talk to each other in the locker room - we don’t, it is the most uncomfortable and awkward environment imaginable - you don’t repeat it in polite company, and YOU DO NOT REPEAT IT IN A TAPED INTERVIEW), it has come to light that America has a problem with massive, throbbing male egos that go unchecked until they inevitably screw up and alienate so many of their victims that Americans vote in loads of sensible, moderate people (previously known as “women,” but that was also when we voted based on gender and class lines instead of a person’s public record). Gillette then changed its slogan to “The best a man can be,” which, I have to admit, is almost as good as “The Most Interesting Man in the World” for aspirational marketing aimed at men. The goal of all this was, presumably, to start a discussion on toxic masculinity and gender roles. Now, I may have some misgivings about this conversation being helmed and instigated by a company with a definite financial and cultural stake in the (patriarchal) status quo, but it’s still a talk we need to have in society. My reaction of vague misgivings and semi-apathy was nothing, however, compared to white men on the Internet. They used all caps to rain impotent fury down upon this perceived slight, that, maybe, we should have a discussion about how framing masculinity only as it brutalizes and disenfranchises others isn’t such a good idea. As someone who’s had his country club privileges revoked but still gets passing privilege, I’d think it’s a discussion worth having, especially if you’re under the rather idiotic impression that your good health and luck will last forever. Now, even though I still stand by the idea that Rousseau was right, and that most of us are mostly-good; at the same time, when you’re forced into a position of vulnerability, people you thought you knew well can reveal themselves to be utter assholes. Yes, pain, torture, and crippling may reveal my inner nature to some extent, but how you treat me in this period is a much more revealing test of your character, dear reader. So, I’m fully prepared to discuss this whole “how you treat the least among you” idea, with the acknowledgment that, as the least among you (sort of), I am fully in favor of toppling the patriarchy and rebuilding it with something less creepy and predatory.

Then I got Rogaine. Full disclosure, Mother Dearest actually got it for me, because I still wear my hair in a rather severe mohawk to cover up the weird, radioactive/thin patches that were scalded off by the nuclear fire (undergoing cancer treatments is like puberty - you change pretty dramatically, physically, and you’re left looking almost, but not quite, like you used to, which is disconcerting to see in a mirror). Normally, the word “regrowth” is not a good one for a brain cancer patient, but, since everything else in my life has been completely upended and vivisected, I figured, “Why not?” In a weird way, even though I’m not in a position I’d wish upon someone I despised (well..), I don’t feel terribly emasculated. After all, how many rounds of chemo and radiation have you gone through? I know I can take a severe beating and get up afterward; even if that beating comes in the form of neurosurgery, radiation, and chemo (I realize my framing of that in terms of violence is probably typical of the problem, but we’re working our way toward other, more humorous topics).

If ever there was a physical embodiment of the sort of mindset that would fee attacked by Gillette’s rather flaccid suggestion we sort of talk about problems with traditional masculinity; it’s Rogaine. First of all, it comes with all these warning labels on it - I am not making this up - saying things like “Not intended for women” or “Not for use by women” (that last one is verbatim). It doesn’t actually go full-blown Alex Jones manthrocyte (or whatever male virility cure he’s hocking this week), nor do the words “male jelly” or “He-Man Woman Haters Club” appear on the box, but it’s amazingly close. What’s especially delightful - to me, anyway - is that a female friend of the family (who has issues with hair stress-related hair loss) is the one who recommended it. However, I am trying to be somewhat more sensible about what I put in myself these days, so I did some quick Internet research (that’s enough to make me an expert on the subject, I figure), and it’s a vasodilator - it’ll open your blood vessels (I still haven’t pieced together how that leads to increased hair growth, but I’m willing to take some things on faith). Apparently, you’re not supposed to take it orally. Which opened up a whole new set of questions, like, 1. What was the study where they found out someone was dumb enough to drink hair tonic? and, 2. If you do drink it, is that some sort of suicide warning? Bearing in mind that this is just the packaging - which, again, I get it’s targeting insecure middle-aged men and/or those of use who want our youthful appearance back while we’re still actually youthful; both of which are vulnerable to suggestion and hesitancy, and maybe they’d turn back at the thought that maybe someone would think less of them for using feminine hygiene products (supposedly, army medics have used tampons to seal wounds in combat, so even the most-feminine of feminine hygiene products is helpful to all genders under the right circumstance), let’s go on to what’s inside the box. Which is a series of bland-looking bottles that are perfect for not indicating someone is insecure about baldness. And an applicator. Let’s hold for a moment. In most medical products - even the CBD/THC oils I take (orally, but maybe I should try them on my hair) the “applicator” is either a glorified eye-dropper or more-glorified Q-tip (side-note: you don’t see Q-tips exclusively marketed to women, even though their most  common use is as a mascara applicator)(this is true; you’ve probably been sticking them in the wrong orifice for years). Not so with Rogaine. This comes with - depending on how you look at it - either a miniature turkey baster (perfect for basting Cornish hens), or a Cyclopean eye-dropper. In other words, there’s virtually no way you could screw up where you stick this thing and apply it nasally (again, I’m sure it’s been tried, and they rewrote the warnings and repackaged it). It is, in short, not only catered to male insecurity, it’s designed to completely idiot-proof (I guess they got that one right, most intelligent people wouldn’t be fooled into thinking that fancy, medically-worded hair tonic works)(normally, neither would I, but the woman who recommended it is smarter than me, so I’m willing to try it). It’s the perfect product for Homer J. Simpson.

After drizzling this stuff onto your radioactive-seared flesh, you’ll notice a slight tingling sensation. Either that or just the sensation of something liquid-y runnning over your scalp, I have a lot of scars, so it’s hard to tell. Then... nothing. Admittedly, I’ve only been using it for a few days, Apparently, you have to use it for a month or two before seeing results, at which point you’re either supposed to discontinue use, or, for the truly brave, drink it. Again, I just went 12 months straight with chemo, it’s not like something as minor as not seeing results will be a major deterrent.

For those of you wondering how I do it - go the full 12 rounds of chemo, radiation, and surgery, knowing I will eventually have to repeat it, and eventually lose - that’s how. You have to be able to look at every miniscule step on the path (and not much further ahead) and chuckle at how extraordinarily weird and fucked up it all is. And realize you want to be around to chuckle at the next weird, fucked up moment, even if you have weird, striated baldness on one side.

[crystalized-dreams]

So, we ended up going to Tennessee last weekend to see some friends (And well, go to Worlds while there anyway), which if you check my Twitter or are subscribed to my Youtube channel, you likely already knew 😛 But anyway, it was nice to go somewhere new. I had never been to Tennessee so I had fun just enjoying Nashville.

Before we get into the general trip stuff, I’ll talk about Pokemon and Pokemon Worlds a bit 🙂

So, we picked up our badges on Thursday afternoon. Figured it was best to get that and the shop out of the way ASAP. I think I generally liked the colors/theme of the Worlds 2017 stuff better, but I still really liked the lanyard at least. I loved all the Pokemon with the different instruments. I kind of wished there was more merchandise featuring all the Pokemon for this over just Pikachu. They did, however, give out this free poster which was perfect (And we were even given a few extras!):

So, while we didn’t really buy any of the exclusive stuff, we did get these adorable plushies: And here’s the bag by itself:

We also got some packs of cards with our spectator badges and these were essentially the highlights from our pack openings: I did not get nearly as nice cards from opening the digital versions 😛

They also had a demo station for the Let’s Go games! I was really excited to try them out:

And even got this cute Pokeball stress ball for playing:

I actually had a lot of fun with it. I really like the look of the game and how Pokemon show up and just exploring. The world feels so much more alive which is really nice. The Pokeball controller worked well, though, I found I accidentally would hit the button versus moving it sometimes, but I think that’s more just because I was getting used to it. It also reacted fairly well, but I couldn’t figure out exactly where the timing was for Pokemon who move around a lot and sadly, my time with the demo ended before I could play around with it more.

I’m really looking forward to it though. Now to just… finish Ultra Moon.

But yes, some pictures from the Pokemon Center, the main room, and where it was being held: #gallery-0-9 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-9 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 33%; } #gallery-0-9 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-9 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

The view was so nice.

The Prize Wall

I want one of these in my house.

One of the various stands around. Meloetta was the Pokemon available to download. If only it was able to come with a ribbon…

Part of the Stage! I love the building names.

All the set-ups were genuinely really neat.

They’re really nice. But honestly, the card artwork is my favorite.

I really love these so much

I was so tempted to buy one of these, but $50 was too much for me… 😦

I really loved the stage. I love the buildings being all Pokemon world themed and it just really makes me wish there was some big combined Pokemon game of all the various cities and things we’ve gotten from every game. The Pokemon World is already so huge and there’s so much to see and I wish they’d actually use that versus constant new regions. At this point, I’m just kind of tired of new regions and new Pokemon. I’d mind a new region less if we could visit it alongside familiar ones, but I think there’s plenty of Pokemon at this point 😦

Moving a bit more outside the convention center, I wish we got to do more in Pokemon GO, honestly. We seemed to manage to miss every single raid, there weren’t too many Pokestops actually in the main room, my GPS was constantly a bit finnicky, and I just didn’t have much luck with spawns either. I at least finally got a Sneasel and I did get a shiny Sunkern:

Also Tom traded me one of the Shiny Mareep he caught when we had visited back in April so yay 😀 And I at least got a lot of gifts to send back to people. Since I don’t go out much (and sometimes just can’t especially with the weather lately), I don’t usually have many chances to give gifts out 😦

But yes, as to one of the biggest reasons for going, it was to pick up this from a very amazing friend:

This was one of the prizes for the first winner of the Sylveon Girls Battle in 2016 in Japan and one of my most wanted items that featured Mega Audino T~T My next big goal will be Mega Audino Ddakji:

So, if you’re in Korea or know someone who could maybe help with those, let me know! ❤

Going into general Tennessee, it’s time for various random tourist-y pictures and food tours 😛 #gallery-0-10 { margin: auto; } #gallery-0-10 .gallery-item { float: left; margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 33%; } #gallery-0-10 img { border: 2px solid #cfcfcf; } #gallery-0-10 .gallery-caption { margin-left: 0; } /* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes/media.php */

I couldn’t help but take pictures of some of the things at the airport when we landed

This was in the center of the hotel’s main entrance. Though, this was taken as we were leaving…

Close-up because of the cute bird in the tree!

Fireplace in the lobby.

Flowers in the hall.

Our hotel room!

The breakfast at the hotel! It was nice.

The hotel actually occasionally had stuff for dinner too though.

And for lunch as well!

And they switched it up a bit. Some nachos with chili and cheese! They also always had cookies–chocolate chip and oatmeal raisin.

Our very first meal was at the Corner Bakery Cafe that was right at the corner of the hotel. I had a Club Panini with Chicken Carbonara.

My husband had the BBLT with the Asian Wonton Salad. The drink was a Hibiscus Lemonade. I actually really liked this place, but due to the hours, we didn’t manage to go there again sadly.

This pig was near the entrance of Martin’s Bar-B-Que Joint. You’ll see we ate there a few times 😛 As it was my husband’s favorite and pretty much everything we had there was good. I wonder if this pig has a name. I will name him Sir Pig for now.

Meanwhile, I got a sausage sandwich and potato salad

My husband’s pulled pork and corn bread~

Dessert! I got pecan pie while he got their fried pie to try.

On another day, my husband got the “redneck taco” and potato salad.

Meanwhile, I got the sausage platter with hush puppies and cornbread.

On our final day, I had actually still been sick from the day before and so, we didn’t have lunch (paired with just not many people being open on Sunday). In combination with that and it being our last day and my husband still wanting to try a lot, we kind of overdid it a bit. I got a brisket sandwich with a side of mac & cheese and a baked potato. He got the the Brisket Burger with the cornbread, and then Loaded Fries and Catfish for sharing. And a strawberry cake for dessert.

They also had homemade brownies. I miss this brownie.

Also cheesy bread to share.

And olives! My only issue is only some were pitted and it wasn’t even just like… one specific type that wasn’t pitted. It was a bit random.

My husband’s pizza~

This is from Hot Diggity Dogs 🙂 I got a normal hotdog and the Polish Sausage while my husband got the Nashville and Bratwurst. Also cheese fries.

Straight down from the convention center was Al Taglio, a pizza place. I got an all cheese pizza.

Wild Bill’s was essentially a soda stand in the convention center. They had all kinds of different soda’s and if you got one of their special cups, you could get free refills on Friday and Saturday. While soda isn’t really my thing, my husband enjoyed it.

One thing we saw a lot was a Party Bike. Which was like a Party Bus… but with a group of people biking. They were always kind of amusing to see.

Butterfly we saw at the airport!

But yeah, I had more fun than I would have expected and there’s definitely more I would like to do and see so hopefully we have time to go again. And hopefully we won’t have another person pulling the fire alarm or another super hot day that destroys me because those were really the only bad things.

As for Pokemon Worlds next year… We don’t have too many plans, but Washington DC is a pretty good location for us, so maybe~

A Trip to Tennessee! (Pokemon Worlds and Goals) So, we ended up going to Tennessee last weekend to see some friends (And well, go to Worlds while there anyway), which if you check my Twitter or are subscribed to my Youtube channel, you likely already knew 😛 But anyway, it was nice to go somewhere new.

[overwhelminglyme]

Well, Hello there.

Do people still post on tumblr? It’s 2022. I haven’t been here in yearrrrrssss!

I’ve often been told that writing things down is therapeutic. I have a self diagnosed carpal tunnel syndrome so I’m going to type it out instead. I’m going to attempt and be my own therapist, because ya girl is broke AF!

Anyway, I don’t know where to begin... Well, I am now part of the 30s club. I still live at home. COVID took all of my savings. I am now single. We moved. Mochi passed away. I work for the county. My hair is purple. I got my AA 6 years after finishing school. I don’t practice as an LVN but still keep my license active. I have a much better relationship with my parents and my sister.

I can’t seem to figure out what I want to do with my life. I spend everyday wondering how my life would be had I started of a different way. I spend more time thinking about how I want my life to be than actually doing something about it. I started this year with a BANG! attitude. I’m gonna focus on myself and figure out what I want to do with my life, find true happiness, true passion & true love.

Me, being the dreamer (and not doer) that I am.. I haven’t done much to progress my search.

I am, however, slowly realizing that maybe I am making moves towards those goals. I don’t know. We’ll see. I can’t think anymore. I’ll be back in a bit. Wish me luck!

[xfilescat]

a river in egypt (steve harrington x female!reader)

word count: around 5k

warnings: language as per usual, it gets a bit saucy sometimes, & of course there’s a little angst because I apparently can’t write a story without it :,)

preview: “You may be at each other’s throats most of the time, but if there’s one thing you both always agree on, it’s that you definitely do not have feelings for each other. The kids, however, are deadset in their belief that you’re meant to be together, and Max once posited that maybe that’s why you’re constantly arguing—it’s your way of dealing with all of the “sexual tension” between you two (her words exactly). That theory threw you for a loop for a few days, but you’re positive it’s not true. Right?”

A/N: omg this bitch (me) finally posted something! it’s only been, what, seven years? i’m terribly sorry. ANYways, this is based on an idea from @32bees who is super nice btw! i kinda took their request and ran wayyy too far with it, but it’s fine. also i literally just made up the layout of Steve’s house (and ignored major plot points/character traits) as i wrote so just pretend it’s right. also btw spoons is a real game and it’s the SHIT! definitely recommend. also i totally ripped off scenes from an episode of new girl and from an episode of friends so if you catch that, don’t judge me! i just love those shows so much! anyway i hope u enjoy, friends! love you all <3

If someone had told you a few months ago—before you’d been clued in to the whole Upside Down fiasco—that you’d be spending most of your senior year with a bunch of middle schoolers and Steve Harrington, you’d have laughed in their face. Well, maybe not so much about the middle schoolers part, because you babysit all the time and you love kids. But the Steve part? No way, you would’ve said. That’s crazy—you’d never even talked to the guy before. Yet here you are, standing on his porch waiting for him to come to the door, a plate of cookies in your hands and a smile on your face. You absolutely love nights like this.

The door flies open a moment after you knock, but it’s not Steve who opens it. Dustin grins at you before turning to the living room. “Y/N’s here,” he shouts before he looks back at you—more specifically, at what you’re holding. “Ooh, cookies! Let me help you with those,” Dustin says, grabbing the plate and dashing back inside. You chuckle, following him into the house and closing the door behind you. “I feel like you guys only invite me to these things ’cause I always bring food,” you call out, taking off your shoes and coat and placing them in the hall closet.

All you hear in response is incoherent yelling. You smile to yourself. Everyone must be involved in some kind of contentious board game. The last time you were here, you guys spent ten minutes crawling around the room searching for a missing chess piece because a disgruntled Lucas had flipped the board after a devastating loss to Max. These people take their games seriously, not unlike yourself.

You round the corner into the living room. Not a lot of things surprise you anymore, but you’re definitely confused when you see everybody sitting in a circle on the floor, playing cards in their hands and a pile of spoons in front of them. They’re all eating your cookies, too. You cross the room and take a seat between Will and El. “Hi guys. If you don’t mind my asking, what the heck are you doing?”

Everyone greets you with a smile, and El turns to you. “Playing spoons!”

“What’s spoons?”

“Dustin taught us.”

You look to Dustin for further explanation. He sets his cards down with a sigh. “Okay, this is like my third time going over this because somebody—,” he pauses to glare at Lucas, “—doesn’t know how to listen. Basically, everyone gets four cards to start. The goal of the game is to get four of a kind. The dealer—which is me—takes one card from the deck and passes it around. If you need that card, you keep it and get rid of another card, ’cause you can only have four in your hand at a time. Whoever gets all their cards first gets to take a spoon, and once that person takes one, everyone else can too. There are enough spoons for every player but one. If you’re the only player left without a spoon, you’re out.”

You nod slowly. “Got it. Why spoons, though?”

Mike, who’s sitting between Dustin and El, shrugs. “Why not spoons?”

“Touché. Alright, deal me in, Dusty. And get ready to lose.”

Dustin shakes his head. “I was just about to say the same thing to you.”

You smirk playfully. “Oh, you think you can beat me?”

“No, I know I can’t, but Steve’s won every round we’ve played so far. He’s, like, a spoons prodigy. Undefeatable.”

You level your gaze at Steve, who’s directly across from you and grinning smugly. “Not for long, he’s not.”

Steve raises his eyebrows. “Okay, Y/L/N, show us what you’ve got.”

“I intend to, Harrington.”

For some unknown reason, Steve brings out a furiously competitive side of you. You ponder this as Dustin reshuffles the deck and starts handing out cards. Whether it’s playing board games, giving the kids advice, or leading expeditions into other dimensions, you’re always trying to one-up Steve and he seems to be just as ambitious to win as you are. Further, the two of you are always disagreeing on things, and those disagreements are heightened by your competitive natures—neither of you ever want to admit you’re wrong. You once argued for a good five minutes about whether cats were better than dogs, and you would’ve kept going all night if Max hadn’t shouted at you both to shut up.

Of course, all of this arguing is in good fun. Steve’s become your closest friend and confidant over the past few months and you don’t know what you’d do without him. You’d never have thought that the infamous King Steve would actually be extremely kind, caring, and protective—especially of you and the kids. You love him (as a friend, obviously), but something about him just… you don’t know. He just gets you so fired up sometimes.

The game begins, and it’s not long before you get the hang of it. In fact, you’ve managed to make it to the semi-finals: it’s just you, Steve, and Will left in the circle. You’re going for sevens, you’ve decided. You’ve currently got three out of four and you’re pretty sure you’ve got this in the bag. Will passes you a card face-down and you try to maintain your poker face when you see that it’s the last seven. Nonchalantly passing an unnecessary five off to Steve, you surreptitiously reach for one of the two spoons in front of you.

Steve catches you and quickly grabs the other one. Will’s still staring at his cards, but he looks up when he hears you and Steve cheering. “Oh, man,” he groans, dropping his cards and standing up to join the rest of the Party, who are devouring the rest of your cookies on the couch. “Better luck next time, buddy,” you say as you place your spoon back into the center.

Steve stares you down as he collects all the cards and shuffles the deck. “Ready to lose?”

You laugh. “You wish. Deal.”

He smiles at you brightly before he complies, and you’re not sure why you feel your face heat up. It’s not like you to get flustered, especially not around Steve. You may be at each other’s throats most of the time, but if there’s one thing you both always agree on, it’s that you definitely do not have feelings for each other. The kids, however, are deadset in their belief that you’re meant to be together, and Max once posited that maybe that’s why you’re constantly arguing—it’s your way of dealing with all of the “sexual tension” between you two (her words exactly). That theory threw you for a loop for a few days, but you’re positive it’s not true. Right? You quickly look down at your cards and pretend to be very invested in them. Steve notices.

“What, are you nervous, Y/N?” He sounds cocky, and you roll your eyes.

“No. Not at all. Let’s go.”

The Party has moved from the couch back to the circle, eager to watch the final round. They seem to have chosen sides: Dustin, Lucas, and Max are cheering for Steve and Will, Mike, and El are rooting for you. Dustin is by far the most enthusiastic.

“C’mon, Steve! Kick her ass!”

“Henderson, I’m trying to concentrate.”

“Right. Sorry.”

You and Steve play for a little while, exchanging trash talk that makes the kids laugh like crazy. This time, you’re going for kings. You’ve only got two, and you’re starting to get worried. “Maybe you should go for something else,” Mike whispers. You shake your head, staring daggers at the cards in front of you. “I know what I’m doing.”

“You sure about that?”

You snap your head up at the sound of Steve’s question, fearing the worst. You shriek when you see him holding the spoon. “NO! No! No way! You’ve got to be kidding me!”

He passes you his cards with a smirk. He’s got four queens. “Sorry, sweetheart. Like Dustin said: undefeatable.”

You throw all of the cards down in anguish and the kids erupt into cheers, chanting Steve’s name. Even your own fan club has joined in. So much for them being on your side. “Fuck you, Harrington,” you groan, standing up and throwing yourself onto the couch. Steve feigns shock. “Language, Y/N! Such a sore loser.”

“Shut the hell up. That wasn’t even a real game! I guarantee Dustin just made it up.”

Dustin narrows his eyes. “Did not! My mom taught me!”

“Whatever! All I’m saying is that I’m still better than Steve at everything else in the world—especially babysitting you assholes.”

The kids’ jaws drop at your boldness and Steve’s definitely shocked for real this time, but he instantly regains his composure. “Really, Y/N? You think so?”

“Oh, I know so.”

Max bursts out laughing. You turn to her. “What’s so funny? You don’t believe me?”

She shakes her head. “Nope. It’s Steve for sure.” Lucas and Dustin nod their agreement, and Steve flashes you another one of those infuriatingly arrogant grins. Well, you think with a frown, this isn’t exactly going your way. You sit up and cross your arms. “Guys, c’mon! I’ve been babysitting half of you since you were in elementary school. Steve’s only been doing it for, like, three months.”

“She’s got a point, guys,” Will says, and Mike nods. El follows suit. Looks like you’ve got your fan club back.

The others stand their ground, shrugging off your argument. “Don’t you remember him with that bat? You know, while you were off hiding in the back of the bus? He was amazing,” Lucas says.

You scoff. “That wasn’t babysitting.”

Dustin furrows his eyebrows. “Then what was it?”

“Stupidity. He could’ve died, and then who would’ve been there to save your asses? Me, of course.”

Max chuckles. “Oh, right, because you crying in the corner was very badass!”

“I wasn’t crying!” Okay, maybe you were, but it was a tough day, alright?

“Alright, that’s enough. Leave Y/N alone.” Steve says sternly. You’re pleasantly surprised that he’s coming to your rescue. “Hey, thanks,” you say with a smile. He grins back, sitting down next to you and glaring at the kids. “Now, I don’t want to hear another word about me being the better babysitter.” He throws his arm around your shoulder and lowers his voice to a stage-whisper. “We all know it’s true, but I don’t want her to cry again.”

You shove him off of you and leap to your feet. “That’s it! God, I hate you all. Not you guys,” you say, pointing to your little team of Will, Mike, and El, “but especially you, Steve.” He’s still too busy laughing at his own joke to respond, which makes you even angrier. This is all his fault. If he hadn’t thrown you off your game with that annoyingly perfect smile, you would’ve won the round of spoons and you wouldn’t be in this mess. Why is he suddenly doing this to you? Why are you losing all your senses around him while he remains totally composed? Why can’t you stop picturing that fucking smile? You hate this.

Dustin perks up. “Oh my god, I just got the best idea! I know how we can settle this!”

Steve raises an eyebrow. “How?”

“A contest! A babysitting contest!”

You tilt your head to the side, amused. “How would that even work?”

“Alright, hear me out: we’ll set up a bunch of events based on all of the classic babysitting skills: cooking, entertaining, putting the kids to bed, all that kinda stuff. Whoever wins the most events is the best babysitter!”

The kids all voice their support for this idea, and you and Steve exchange a look. “I’m in if you are,” he says. “I’m always down for a chance to wipe that smile off your face,” you retort. He breathes a laugh, shaking his head. “Okay, Dustin,” he says as he stands up next to you. “You’ve got us.”

The kids huddle up for a moment, whispering back and forth. After a minute, Dustin steps away and claps his hands together. “Great! First event: keeping the kids out of harm’s way. Go!”

You freeze. “What?”

“I call playing with matches,” Max shouts, heading towards the kitchen.

“Yeah, and I’ll run with scissors,” calls Will, following her.

“We’ll go run by the edge of the pool,” Mike says, sprinting to the back door with El in tow.

“And Dustin and I will raid Steve’s parents’ wine cabinet,” Lucas states triumphantly.

“THIS IS NOT WHAT WE AGREED TO,” you scream, running into the kitchen and yanking the offending items out of the kids’ hands. Steve apprehends Mike and El before they make it outside, and he shuts down Dustin and Lucas with just one look. “Not fuckin’ cool, you dickheads,” he says when you all return to the living room. You nod, breathing heavily. All that adrenaline has made the room feel much hotter, so you unzip your hoodie and throw it over the back of the couch. You’re tying your hair up into a high ponytail when Dustin says, “I think that round goes to Steve.”

You open your mouth to argue, but when you see the look on Steve’s face, you’re rendered speechless. It’s every bit as smug as it usually is, but there’s something more there, too. Something different. Something intense. He’s never looked at you this way before. You feel yourself blush furiously. What the hell is going on? You quickly cross your arms over your chest and jump back into the conversation. “Okay, Dustin. What’s the next round?”

The rest of the competition is a lot less harrowing, but you’re still reeling over the way Steve looked at you. Does he… no, hell no. There’s no way he likes you. I mean, any teenage guy would check out a teenage girl like that. It doesn’t mean anything. And any teenage girl would blush if a teenage guy checked her out like that, so that doesn’t mean anything, either. Neither of you like each other, nothing means anything, and everything is completely normal. Riiight?

To distract yourself from your inner turmoil, you decide to throw yourself into the contest with everything you have. You crushed Steve in the cooking round, which consisted of the two of you trying to make the best meal out of whatever you could find in Steve’s pantry. You lost to him, however, during the entertainment event. You just couldn’t match the way he could so effortlessly make the kids laugh—primarily by teasing you. This pattern continued: you won at one thing, he won at the next. The two of you were taking a water break in the kitchen when the kids called you out into the living room.

“Competitors, this is the final round. Score’s tied, so bring your A-game,” Lucas announces. “Are you guys ready?”

“I was born ready,” Steve says. You nod, tightening your ponytail.

Max clears her throat. “You’ll notice that Dustin is missing from the room.”

Steve grins. “That explains why it was so quiet all of a sudden.” There’s a muffled “Hey!” from somewhere in the house, and you giggle.

“Your goal is to find him before the other babysitter does. Ready… set… go!”

You two take off running and end up racing each other up the stairs. You make it to the top first and you’re halfway down the hallway when Steve grabs your arm, pulls you behind him, and sprints on ahead of you. You stomp your foot. “Cheater!” He’s already searching his bedroom, and you know Dustin wouldn’t have hidden in the guestroom or Steve’s parents’ room, so you eliminate those. You’re just about to check the bathroom when Steve runs in first, cutting you off again. You throw your hands up in frustration. “Oh my god! Stop doing that!”

He looks back at you and smirks. “Sorry. I don’t know about you, Y/L/N, but I’m playing to win.” You roll your eyes and opt for heading back to the first floor. You do a quick scan of the front hall before your eyes land on the closet. That's it! You can see light spilling out from the bottom of the door and you chuckle. Rookie mistake, Dustin. You dash over and throw the door open. Sure enough, he’s there, and you jump up and down in excitement. “Hell yes! I win! Fuck yeah!”

The rest of the Party runs into the room and Steve appears at the top of the stairs. When he sees you celebrating, he groans. “Shit! C’mon, Henderson, why’d you go for the most obvious spot?”

Dustin steps out with a mischievous smirk. “Because we knew at least one of you would fall for it.”

You narrow your eyes. “Fall for wh—”

You’re interrupted by Dustin pushing you into the closet and immediately slamming the door. Stunned, you trip backward over a pair of shoes and land ungracefully on the floor. “What the HELL?” You stand up and grab the handle, but it won’t turn. You bang on the door. “Dustin, let me out! This really isn’t funny!” You can tell your voice sounds panicked. You start to feel like you can’t breathe. You’re not so good with being alone in confined spaces. You hear Steve make his way down the stairs and across the foyer.

“Hey, let her out, man. I’m serious.” There’s that protective side of him, the one you never knew he had. It stirs up that flustered feeling in you again and you try to brush it off. You hear Dustin sigh defeatedly. “Alright, alright.” You breathe out in relief when the door opens up. However, instead of letting you climb out, Dustin pushes Steve in with you. Steve trips over the shoes just like you did before, landing at your feet with a thud. You look at each other in shock as the door shuts once more. This time, you hear someone slide something underneath the handle—probably a chair.

You give Steve your hand, pulling him upright. The two of you start pounding on the door. “You shitheads better let us out of here,” he yells.

“Stop knocking,” shouts Max.

You continue hitting the door. “No! Not until you tell us what the HELL is going on!”

“We would if you’d be quiet!”

“Oh.” You both stop.

“Okay, so you’re probably wondering why we’ve locked you in there,” Dustin calls.

Steve rolls his eyes. “No shit.”

“Well,” Max continues, “we lied when we told you that finding Dustin was the final round. This is the real final round.”

You scoff. “What, you want us to fight to the death in here or something?”

Lucas laughs. “The opposite, actually.”

You hear a slapping sound. “Stick to the script, you idiot!” It’s Mike speaking this time. “This last event is about not giving in. Babysitters can’t give in because then, kids would get away with anything they wanted.”

“Whoever gives in to their feelings first loses,” Dustin says proudly.

Fuck. You should’ve known they’d pull some stunt like this. Remember the time they told you and Steve they wanted to go out to dinner as a big group and then none of them showed up, leaving you and Steve alone on what was technically a date? Yeah. This isn’t surprising. “Oh my god,” you shout. “How many times do we have to tell you that we don’t have feelings for each other?”

“’Til you can say it honestly,” Max responds.

“I’m honestly going to kick all of your asses,” Steve yells.

“You’re in a river in Egypt, Steve,” Dustin says.

“What?”

“You’re in DENIAL!”

The kids burst into hysterics and you two groan. You try to appeal to their better nature one last time. “Please, guys. Please open the door.” Your voice is small and desperate and you can feel Steve’s eyes on you. The lights go out, and you inhale sharply. “Not falling for it, Y/L/N. Good luck,” Max chirps. You hear the group walk away, and after a moment the radio in the living room turns on.

You turn around so your back is against the door and slowly sink to the ground. “Hey, you okay?” Steve sounds concerned. You nod before remembering he can’t see you. “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I just really don’t like being closed in like this,” you say with a quick laugh. He sighs, sitting down next to you. “Those kids… they’re gonna be the death of me. They should’ve let you out.”

“S’okay, they didn’t know any better. This is probably a flawless plan in their minds.”

He chuckles. “Are you sure you’re alright? Because I’ll break the door down if you want me to.”

You smile. “Not necessary. I’ll be okay. It’s easier with you here.”

He wraps his arm around you and pulls you close. He’s done stuff like that a million times since you two became friends because he’s naturally very touchy-feely, but this time, you feel butterflies in your stomach and your pulse starts racing. It’s unsettling. You decide to go back to teasing him in hopes that it’ll make things feel like normal again. “But honestly, I’d like to see you try to break down the door. Bet I could do it before you.”

He laughs. “You’re cute when you’re competitive.”

That catches you off guard. So much for returning to normalcy. “What?”

“You heard me.”

You blink. “I thought—I thought you said you didn’t have feelings for me.”

“Oh, I don’t. That’s just a fact.”

Your eyes have adjusted enough to the dark that you can sort of see him, so you look him dead in the eye. “Oh yeah? Well you’re insufferable when you’re competitive.”

“Excuse me?”

“You heard me.”

“Insufferable, huh?” He leans back with a smirk like you just payed him a compliment.

“Yes! And that’s not a good thing, you dick! You make me so fucking mad. And I hate it when you smile at me like that when we’re arguing.”

“Like what? Like this?” He grins at you just like he did before the card game and your heart beats faster. You hope he can’t hear it.

“Ugh, yes! Stop it! I hate that!”

“Well, if I have to stop that, you have to stop getting all nervous and blush-y around me, ’cause I hate that.”

“That never happens,” you lie, feeling your face heat up.

“It’s literally happening right now.”

“Jesus, do you have superhuman vision or something? How the hell can you see that well in the dark?”

“Actually, it was just a guess, but now I know it’s true.”

You laugh in spite of yourself. “Fuck you.”

He pulls you closer. “You can if you want to.” You know he’s joking, but there’s an alarming hint of seriousness in his tone. You freak out.

“God, no! Stop it! You’re falling into the kids’ trap. They want us to live out one of those cliché movie scenes where the guy and the girl start making out in the middle of an argument.”

“Okay, okay. You’re right. Let’s just stop talking, then.”

“Wonderful idea.”

You’re grateful for the quiet. That conversation was giving you whiplash. You’ve spent so much time and energy trying to convince yourself that Steve doesn’t like you like that, and then all of a sudden, he comes right out and tells you that he does. And then he takes it back one second later. And then he invites you to fuck him, only half joking. It’s like a freakin’ roller coaster ride.

“I wouldn’t want to kiss you that way,” he says after a few minutes, breaking the silence.

“Wait, what? Wh-who said anything about kissing?”

“Um, you did, remember? When you were talking about the cliché movie scenes?”

“Oh. Right. Well, I don’t want to kiss you at all.”

He scoffs. “I don’t believe you. I know you like me, too.”

“Too?”

He sighs heavily. “Yes, I really do like you, okay? Can we both stop pretending now?”

“I’m not pretending,” you say as definitively as you can manage, looking away.

“Y/N,” he says gently, pulling you toward his chest. You push him away, stand up, and start knocking on the door. This is getting a little overwhelming, and you kinda feel like the walls are closing in. “Let us out, you jerks!”

Steve sighs. “They’re not gonna let us out.”

You ignore him. “Open the fucking door!”

“Y/N.”

You grow more and more frantic. “C’mon, guys, please!”

“Y/N!” He stands up and grabs your shoulders, spinning you away from the door. “Please stop it. Just talk to me.”

You look down. “I have to get out of here,” you say, your voice hoarse from yelling.

“Why won’t you admit you like me?”

You don’t answer.

“You can tell me anything, and you know that. So why are you lying?”

You finally meet his gaze. “Because what if it doesn’t work out?”

Damn. There it is. It’s definitely as surprising a response to you as it is to him. Oh my god, that’s why you’ve been denying your feelings for so long, that’s why you’ve been using arguing and competing with him as defense mechanisms, that’s why you feel like you can’t catch your breath right now. You’re scared.

Steve looks incredulous. “Why—why wouldn’t it work out?”

You sit back down and hug your knees to your chest. “Well, aside from the fact that we both know life likes to throw us major, earth-shattering curve balls,” you say with a humorless chuckle, “have you ever been in a relationship that didn’t crash and burn?”

He sits next to you, his shoulder touching yours. “No, but—”

“Exactly.”

Steve’s just about to respond when there’s a commotion outside and the door flies open. You both fall onto your backs on the hardwood. You look up and see the Party staring down at you.

“Shit, sorry! Didn’t mean to interrupt,” Dustin says with a suggestive wink.

“You’re not interrupting anything,” you reply as you climb to your feet and breeze past the kids into the living room. You can tell everyone’s staring at you. You grab your hoodie and hurriedly put it on.

“What’s with her?” You hear Max ask Steve quietly.

“Oh, I don’t know, maybe she just got locked in a closet against her will! Anybody wanna tell me who’s bright idea that was?”

Everybody says a different name, and Steve sighs. You walk back across the foyer and pull open the front door.

“Are you leaving?” Dustin sounds confused.

“Just need some fresh air.”

“You forgot your shoes,” Lucas points out.

“I’m fine,” you say flatly, locking eyes with Steve before shutting the door a little harder than necessary. Hopefully he’ll take the hint and won’t do that thing where he follows you and tries to make you feel better. That’s a classic Steve move. You don’t need him, you tell yourself. Like you said: you’re fine.

Obviously you’re not really fine, though. Everything's pretty much falling to pieces, and all you want is to be able to erase everything that just happened. Also, you probably should’ve grabbed your shoes and coat because it’s still early March and there’s snow on the ground, but you don’t care. The cold is a welcome distraction from the realization that Steve likes you and he knows you like him. This is so not how you expected this night to go.

You hear the front door open and slam shut behind you. You jump half a foot in the air and whirl around. Steve’s standing there with his arms crossed indignantly. “What the hell, Harrington? You almost gave me a heart attack.”

“You know, you’re kind of an idiot,” he says sharply.

You put your hands on your hips. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Yeah, you’re being stupid right now. So what if we’ve never been in relationships that lasted before? You’re missing the whole damn point. It’s so obvious.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“Don’t you get it? It’s only gotta last once. One time. Maybe nothing’s ever worked out before because it wasn’t supposed to, because maybe you and me are supposed to.”

For the second time tonight, he leaves you speechless for a moment. “You really feel that way?”

“I have for a long time,” he says, his voice softer now.

You meet his eyes and there’s nothing but sincerity there. You’re not sure how to respond, so you just say what comes to mind first. “You’re my best friend.”

“You’re my best friend, too.”

“I don’t wanna lose you.”

He closes the distance between you, wrapping his arms around your waist. “You’re not losing a best friend, you’re gaining a boyfriend.”

You laugh. “You sure you wanna do this?”

“I’m in if you are.”

“Alright, Steve. You wore me down.”

He smiles that goddamn smile again, the one that breaks down all of your walls. You narrow your eyes. “Did we not just talk about that smile? You’ve gotta stop.”

“I’ll think about it. By the way, can I kiss you now, or would it still be too cliché?”

You instantly blush, and he rolls his eyes. “Oh my god, never mind. If you’re gonna do that every time, this definitely isn’t going to work out. I’m gonna lose my mind.”

“Shut up,” you breathe as you lean in and press your lips to his.

Kissing him is nothing like you would’ve thought it would be. With all the buildup, all the flirtatious arguing and teasing, you expected fiery passion and urgency. However, he kisses you softly, sweetly, and slowly, like he’s got all the time in the world to do it. Your hands tangle in his hair and he gently pulls you up against him, deepening the kiss. It feels so incredibly right that you forget why you ever tried to resist him. Maybe the kids weren’t too far off when they said you were meant to be together.

After a little while, he pulls away. “I’m telling the kids you gave in first.”

Before you can tell him to fuck off, his lips are back on yours and you forget everything again. You can’t feel the ice under your socks or the wintry air on your skin anymore. This kiss is different. It’s intense. It’s hot enough to dry up a river in Egypt. He’s definitely a better kisser than you are, no contest. You’re never ever gonna admit that to him, though. No way.

[guardiandae]

OKAY it’s time for that write up about my trip to Boston

aka Why I’m Glad I’m Still Alive and also Dae Makes Bad Life Choices And Needs To Be Grounded :c 

(long, long post)

okay so, my friend H takes a trip down to Boston every year to visit her friend D who goes to college there. She invited me to go a few days beforehand, and as luck would have it I managed to arrange to have Friday & Saturday off work, and Sunday closing shift, so I could make it down there and back.

Of course, I had a runny nose and stuff beforehand... and then the night before (Thursday night, I think) I had a really hard time at work bc I felt feverish... I got home and my temp went up from 99.6 (which is already 100% a fever for me, my temp runs low) to 101.3 during the night. I kept waking up every three hours, and I had to get a bag of ice to press against my head. I went to bed early but slept in longer than I expected so I got like 13 hours of sleep and felt a lot better in the morning, aside from a sore throat. Actually, my throat does this fun thing where from time to time, it will close up on me and I can’t breathe. It can happen even from drinking water. So I took cough syrup and my throat closed up. Yikes. No more cough syrup for me, just cold & flu tablets! I can’t remember the other incident, maybe I drank something harsh, but I remember it did that twice, two times in two days. So, yeah. Gotta be careful what I drink with this sore throat.

Friend wants me to spend Friday night at her house so we can leave at 3am Saturday. So I go to H’s house, with her boyfriend T. My throat is like, raw as fuck. We hang out, they pack, and we all take a nap before we leave. I get like another 3 hours of sleep, then we all get up and hit the road.

We pick up T’s friend, S.  My friend H keeps trying to hook me up with S despite the fact that I am 1. gay 2. asexual 3. not interested in douchebags. And she’s been teasing me about the fact that, S and I will have to share a bed at the hotel. My god. Mind you, the plan she has in Boston is to take me to a strip club and I’m like, sdgkdfkgjd. No? Maybe. No.

We stop at a gas station and I get myself a big powerade for my RAW AS FUCK throat. Swallowing is seriously painful at this point. My friend swaps seats to sit beside me in the back, so now T and S are in the front. THEY FUCKING START CHAINSMOKING ALL THE WAY DOWN. So they have their windows cracked, freezing cold air pouring in, secondhand smoke making my eyes water and lungs burn, all the way down. Maybe at most they would stop for two minutes and then, boom, another FUCKING cigarette. On top of that, they listened to really gross rap music on the way down, like violent, sexually-explicit, drug-endorsing songs that were just honestly annoying lyrics aside, total crap, lol.

My friend and I show each other memes (she pronounces it me-me and I think it’s too funny to correct her) all the way down. We arrive at her friend D’s campus at about 6am. He has keys to all the buildings and has to make rounds, so we’re going to walk with him all across his campus.

D is a really interesting dude. My friend H told me, “he’s a bible-thumper” beforehand and I was like, eh. great. But he’s this 40-ish year old guy going to a religious college studying to be a minister. He’s super friendly and considerate as soon as we meet him. It’s 6am in January, fairly warm considering the time of year, but I’m still in just my hoodie and SICK, so while I was kind of excited for the experience, my body is so not. We’re going from building to building, up flights of stairs and back down again, and I am wheezing. My voice is pretty rough at this point too.

But let’s talk about the school, and the setting, because... I love it.

In Maine (my state) the trees here are mostly pines, maples, oaks, etc.

But in Boston, I’m not sure what kind of trees they might be, but my gosh. It’s a grey, chilly day (my favorite weather 100% honestly, too bad I was sick) and the trees are bare. Their branches are all twisted in different directions, like the fingers on an old man. Ever seen those kind of forests from creepy horror movies? They are just like that and it’s absolutely gorgeous. Most of the buildings on campus are very old, so some of them still have old fashioned latches, like the thumb-latches in my grandfather’s house.

The other thing I really loved about the campus, is that the students attending are actually very liberal and diverse, despite the religious focus. As D put it later, the other three people in our group, H, T, and S, doubled the population of straight (and cis) students by being on campus. Haha.

Anyway, I survive running around campus, and then we head down to catch the Green Line subway into town. At this point, I really wish I had realized we were going to be gone from the car for several hours, because I would've at least grabbed my hat. :c

This is the first time I've ever been on anything like a subway and I'm so glad that we had D with us to be our guide, because it was so confusing. The car was packed with people because of the Women's March going on. I don't know how this compares to other subways, but this went pretty fast and had a lot of hills and turns, and with every change in momentum I'm hanging onto the rail for dear fucking life trying not to fall over. My friend H has a lot of anxiety, especially around crowds of people, and riding this subway itself, so she is SHAKING and trying really hard to just hold on and get through the ride, and so am I. We get off a big station and decide to go up and walk the rest of the way instead of waiting for the next car, because my friend and I are curious to see the march going on.

We ended up walking around a lottt down all of these different side streets. H, T and S wanted to find a big tall building to go all the way to the top floor and take pictures, so we kept trying to enter different buildings at random, and most of them were locked and one we were politely told to leave, lol.

The whole walking around event was kind of more random than planned... we ended up at Bruins arena which I think was my friend's only actual goal, so she could buy her brother a gift. We saw tons of protesters everywhere and I got one of the pink hats from a nice lady who brought extras. But after that, our wandering was pretty aimless. We headed towards Boston market (still trying to find tall buildings) and accidentally stumbled onto the Holocaust memorial.

H and I were like 'oh... damn' and of course, I had to go in. The memorial consists of four towers made of panes of glass, with steam inside rising up. When I walked into the first one, the panes of glass had quotes from survivors of the Holocaust written on both sides in side, and on every single pane of glass, going up to the sky, there were the serial numbers the nazis tattooed onto people. I took a few pictures, but once I entered that first tower I put my phone away because it just didn't feel right. We walked through and read each quote... I was trying not to cry because the two guys with us (D excluded) were pretty douchey and I wasn't sure they even would, y'know, care. But when I read one of the quotes about the homosexuals being put into the death camps, I definitely cried and I was like, yeah. This is why we fight. This is why we can't stop fighting.

When we left, H was pretty shaken too (the quotes about children were the ones that got to her the most, I think) and D suggested that we head to the farmer's market to try to lighten up the mood. While we were walking there, S decides to ask a question, in a suspiciously condescending tone of voice, "I wonder what the founding fathers would think about all of this."

The rest of us were like, ???  "Think about what?"

S: "You know, the protests that are going on right now."

Guys, my voice was half gone but you know I clapped back.

"They'd probably think that they're exercising their CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS??? What do you think the founding fathers did against the British???"

Then he said something about how, people keep pushing and pushing for more rights, and he thinks that's a bad thing because it just ends up dividing people into more and more different groups and takes away rights from others. At this point I was like, HOLY SHIT, this fucking white boy is one of those people who thinks that EQUAL RIGHTS means his rights are somehow being TAKEN AWAY from HIM. Like, you DO realize that my great-great grandmother and your great-great grandmother didn't have the fucking right to vote??? and in MY lifetime, I had to go fucking vote on my  right to get MARRIED??? It didn't take away SHIT from poor helpless straight white men, it just GAVE more people the SAME FUCKING RIGHTS. HOLY FUCK.

So anyway we headed on to the market area, checked out the Newbury Comics store and I was exciiited bc I found a cute pair of knee-high socks to buy (my new aesthetic). But while in pursuit of my knee-highs, I wandered too close to the Dick's bar, and at this point everyone was ready to drink/eat and had been searching for a bar for a while. There were sooo many to choose from, including really nice looking Irish bars, and historic old bars, which I actually wanted to check out. But which bar did we go to? The fucking cock-themed bar.

They ordered drinks. I just sat by them kind of uncomfortably bc everything is not only "I love dicks" but the mascot is a sleezy overweight balding man and the waitress makes fart jokes. Like. For real. But I'm watching the tv, making small talk with D (who is awesome) and H, while S and T get drinks and fries. Some guy brings his CHILD into this establishment, and is apparently very familiar with their theme bc he plays right along with the waitress's fart jokes like he sees her every Saturday or something. What the hell. Then the party at the opposite end starts putting on these huge condom hats made out of white paper. I can hear a child crying on the other side, maybe the same kid. Why the fuck. And then the waitress starts kind of badgering ME now, like, "Why are you just sitting there without a drink?" I tell her, in my really hoarse voice, "If I have any alcohol I'm pretty sure I will stop breathing" and she's just like "Well it's not like you can't have a water or a juice"  (me: where the fuck is there water or juice advertised ANYWHERE on this shitty menu??? also the food was ridiculously overpriced otherwise I would've been happy to order >_< )  and then I look over and realize that, S has already had two beers, but he JUST ordered a fucking THIRD. Now I'm angry and I tell my friend I don't wanna sit in this (shitty) bar all day, so I'm going to head to the comic store again.

Comic store is right across the street.... but... I'm legitimately pissed off right now, so as soon as I step outside I'm like, actually, lol, fuck off, bye, I'm gone.

And I just keep walking, back the way we came in. I sit down at a bench for a while, half thinking that D or H had followed me, but nobody had. So I'm like, cool, and contemplating actually buying a train ticket home if I had to. But I'm sick as fuck and my legs are killing me and my lungs are wheezing and it's cold and I know that no train goes all the fucking way home, so I'm like, :)))

I decided to go and see something that *I* wanted to see so I looked at my phone and saw the Samuel Adams statue was nearby. They texted me "where are you" and I told them Sam Adams (of course, knowing them they probably looked for a damn bar). But I got lost getting to the statue, lmao, bc it was RIGHT BESIDE ME and I was expecting something larger and headed towards a crowd of people instead. By the time I circled back, I hung up on like three phone calls and ignored several texts, just texted back again "sam adams" when they asked where I was. Took a picture of the statue, then sat down again and waited. Still more texts and calls to not respond to. Finally I was really annoyed but got up to go back to the bar and was thinking, if they aren't here, I'm fucking off again, lol. But they were there and ... my friend H was in tears.

Uh oh. Nice going, Dae.

I put my frustration aside and just fell back into step... she didn't talk to me for a little while. I felt like such an asshole. It was only later I saw some texts that hadn't come through then... half of them already had their phones dead, the others were almost dead, and they'd texted me that they were going to head to the car without me and pick me up in a couple hours. Of courese, my phone was low battery too. I almost fucking stranded myself in Boston, extremely sick, with no cellphone, please ground me.

We went back to the subway (there was another station right near to us, thankfully, so no long walk), and rode all the way back to our original station. Then we had to trek back UP the hill we came down from the campus... I was wheezing hard.

Everyone crashed in D's room for a while. I collapsed on the couch and they all went into the bathroom to smoke pot. I considered leaving to the car to get my phone charger but was like, if I do they'll probably think I bailed again. and then I could literally hear them talking about me, and S saying, "I bet when we come out, she'll be gone again" and I just... felt so angry at him but also like such an asshole bc I'm sick and having a miserable time when I WANT to have fun but instead I'm being a bitch and I can't help it. And they want to drink and get high and I don't like either of those things even when I'm NOT sick as a dog and barely able to breathe, so fuck no I'm not doing that, thanks.

I think after that we finally went to our hotel bc it was check in time (3pm). My friend had reserved the room but they wouldn't let her pay because her card didn't have her name on it, and the others only had cash, so I stepped up to put the room on my card. It made me feel better about being there at all, because they literally wouldn't have had a place to stay (this was a fairly long drive away from Boston).

We went out to eat and this is where S shows once again how much of an asshole he is...

I'm not sure WHERE this came from, but out of the blue while we're sitting in this restaurant, S says something like, "If a drunk girl tells me to fuck her and then she passes out, I can tap that without getting in trouble."

Yeah... I'm positive I didn't remember that right but the statement he made didn't make ANY sense.

All four of us (D, H, T, and myself) were like, ???? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. That is RAPE.

D and I start trying to explain, for one, UNCONSCIOUS = no, and two, in this hypothetical she gave her "consent" while drunk, and you cannot legally consent while drunk!

"But what if we're both drunk"

We're trying to explain that technically neither could consent, it's a risky situation, and then he goes,

"So what if my ex texts me and says 'come tie me up and have your way with me'."

D is like, "I can't even begin with how many variables there are in that situation."

Me: "It depends. Is she sober? Is it actually HER texting? Is she going to say no when you get there?"

S: "She'd have to prove that it wasn't her texting..."

We kept talking about this and trying to explain like, the limits of consent and finally T is like, "Why are we talking about this?"

D and I: "Because it came up and it's worth talking about! There are a lot of people who don't understand."

But anyway, we pretty quickly dropped the topic, but I cannot get over the fact that S randomly said that he'd fuck an unconscious woman. And I am expected to share a bed with him at the hotel.

I was super super pissed with S at this point like, this actual FUCKBOY, first he thinks that equal rights means his rights get taken away, now he's stated that he'd rape somebody?? like?? get the fuck away from me, permanently.

We had to drive D back to his room and it's dark outside now.

I haven't yet mentioned, but as beautiful as Boston is to walk around, the roads are crazy and driving is a fucking nightmare. There are some normal streets but almost everything connects directly onto a highway (at least where we were... and I'm not sure if highway is the right word bc fuck if I know anything about driving but they are SCARY multi-lane roads). The highways are like 4, 3, or 5 fucking lanes of people driving like there's no speed limit, cars constantly switching lanes and assholes flying past us.

All of that is scary enough, but worse is that:

- T is the one driving, because H is too scared to drive in Boston traffic. - T does not have a license. - The car's left blinker doesn't fucking work, so switching lanes to the left is a deathwish. - Did I mention the drinking and getting high? Yeah. - Also, the chainsmoking resumes and I am in fucking misery.

We manage to drop D off, and they had mentioned the fact that they HAVE the lightbulb for the back blinker, but didn't take the time to install is before leaving. D had mentioned that he could probably do it. So I'm like, hey, how about we do that?  D takes a look and realizes that it'd take some time to take apart, but he'd be able to do it with some assistance. T is like, nah it'd take some work, and I'm disheartened (bc I want this car to be as legal as fucking possible bc if we get pulled over I'm 100% sure that I'm fucked on getting home, best case scenario. Worst case scenario, I might charged with something just for being with these guys. Idk if that's even rational but honestly.) but they agree to just deal with it later.

We get back to the hotel and H and I decide to go swimming in the pool. It's honestly one of the highlights of the trip for me bc I rarely get to go swimming, so we enjoyed ourselves for a while, talking about how T and S were kind of annoying both of us. The guys were getting alcohol and stuff while we swam, and they drank some and then joined us. It was kind of funny bc H had worn her bikini bottom but also swim trunks over them, and S didn't have anything to wear to swim in, so she gave him her trunks. They fit him so tightly lmaoo. The guys were splashing around, goofing off, and at this point I'm less angry and more just like, letting it all go, I know I don't like S whatsoever, he's fucking dumb, but I don't want to be hostile and I'm trying as much as possible to not be a huge bitch and a wet blanket, so it's whatever. We joked around a lot, and had fun, and finally got out of the pool when it was closing. But it was really awkward bc they had to go to change and T had gone into the women's room with H so I had to stand outside and wait to change my clothes... and I could hear H yelling at him about... peeing wildly everywhere? Oh my god. I don't even wanna know. It was one of those moments where I was like, there is nudity beyond both of these doors and I am probably forever going to be not comfortable with that. It's kind of a bizarre and shitty realization that everyone else is on a different plane of existence. Like, I'm the weird one because I don't wanna see dicks flopping around. Huh.

Rinsed off, changed clothes, went back upstairs, blow dried my hair and flopped onto the bed. At this point, I'm physically worn down but.... not.... tired. So I'm not sure if I'm going to fall asleep. But they want to run around, and ask about the strip club plans, and my friend is like, "Dae said she didn't want to go" (which is true, I told her no because I'm very sick and felt uncomfortable about the whole idea anyway) but the guys are like, "You're killing us, we're not going?" and she's like, "Are we?" and I'm so sick and tired at this point that I'm like, "Actually yeah let's go" and get up and get dressed again, ready to impress, ready to jump in and see some ladies and titties and see how uncomfortable I feel about it all.

We get into the car, and all of us have been trying to see what the nearest strip club is... there really isn't one. What the nearest bar is... eh. We're trying to find something really close by, because the guys have been drinking and T has no LICENSE and the car blinker is broken so instead I'm like, "Where's the nearest Walmart?"  over 100 miles away jfc. "Where's the nearest target?" Less than a mile away. Awesome! My mood is UP bc we're going to Target, now this is my idea of a good time.

Yeah, no. My phone is a piece of SHIT and they refuse to even look at it, but their phone won't update fast enough while we're driving and we CAN'T FUCKING MERGE LEFT because we'll be killed in this traffic, so we have to go to the right. We see other stores and want to go to them, but the problem is, when we turned right we already missed that opportunity. And this road merges directly into a fucking interstate. And we cannot turn off of it. And now we are going 80 mph in the wrong direction and have to take the next off ramp.

For the next fucking 30 minutes at least, we are desperately trying to get our fucking phones to tell us where we are and where we need to go. Everything loops in circles, because of the highways and off ramps. We keep missing fucking turns and ending up in even more of a tangled mess. Our phones did not charge up much at the hotel and are on the verge of dying once again and we cannot fucking turn LEFT. T and S are getting frustrated, I'm convinced I'm going to fucking die, and H is having an anxiety attack, texting me like, "This is my car and if we crash everyone is going to get hurt and it's my fault" and I'm like... can we please fucking stop somewhere and just fix the fucking light.

By the time we finally make it back to where we belong, we just go straight to the hotel. So fucking much for strip clubs, or bars, or even Target. Fuck that noise. We aren't driving anywhere after all, we all agree on that and we're all really frustrated and stressed.

I ask again like, even if it takes a while we should really fix the light bc driving down to Mass we had the same problem, and we're going to keep having that problem until we fix it, but the guys are like, we'd have to take apart the whole back end, if it were a quick fix we'd have done it already. In the daylight it'll be okay, it's really just at night that's the worst because all they see is our tail lights, and a lack of left blinker means someone might get killed. So I'm like, alright and let it go.

We get snacks from the vending machines, and crash in the hotel room again. Despite all the hyped talk from the guys about drinking and drugs (seriously, S was like, "Let's go  get some ecstacy or heroin" before we left on that horrific ride, and H was like "UHHHH NO, NOT HAPPENING."  He also talked about forcing girls to choke on his dick, so if anyone was wondering if he learned anything from the Consent Discussion, the answer is, probably no. And people wonder why I have sex anxiety jfc.)

Thankfully, I crashed on one bed, and H, T, and S all crashed on the other bed... probably bc they didn't want to catch my germs tbh. I heard S saying "bacterial pneumonia" to his phone.

Sleep was... hellish. I woke up at 4am, SHAKING uncontrollably and had to turn up the heat for a while. I think I was running a fever so it didn't help me at all.. after that I had to press a cold drink against my forehead and didn't fall asleep again until 6am, and we all get up around 8:50am.

Btw, the hotel was pretty shitty... a bunch of ants were under my shoes at the indoor pool when I picked my shoes up... they were coming up from the vents because I guess I stepped in something sugary. H freaked out a bit. Then in our 3rd floor room, there was another of those ants on my pillow. Nice. The breakfast service was shitty. The only edible thing for me was the apple juice, the rest of it was awful cheap stuff. We went to burger king instead, which H had wanted for breakfast anyway. My voice was nearly gone at this point and I had to type my order onto my phone and let the cashier read it. The burger king was also super shitty lmao it was under construction but the bathrooms were just, awful and unkept. We realized we had to head straight home now in order to get back in time for everything H and I had to do, so we got straight onto the highway.

Once again... terrifying traffic, and the difficulty of merging to the left. Every time T had to merge, I had to close my eyes and post facebook statuses like "pray for me because I am going to die." At this point, T and S are like, "We should've just fixed the light before we left" and I am like, internally fucking screaming BECAUSE I SAID THAT ALREADY OH MY GOD. Also, CUE THE CHAINSMOKING AGAIN.

I got dropped off directly at my work a couple hours before my shift, and then worked my closing shift.

Remember, at this point I've had very little sleep and fevers every night since Friday... my voice is just a whisper, I spent hours walking around Boston, hours awake at night, I should be exhausted but I am wide the fuck awake. By the time I finally got home, I still didn't even fall asleep until almost 2am.

So yeah.... I'm not even sure how to summarize my trip to Boston and how it made me feel. Everything was really random and accidental. It took a long time for it to occur to me, holy shit I am in BOSTON, historic Boston, and should be taking pictures and seeing the Freedom Trail and actually interesting stuff like that, but it didn't seem to occur to any of us until the day we had to go back and H wwas like, "I wish I'd taken more pictures."  I wish I had too, especially of the march, but since I ws sick before I even left, I actually wasn't even aware that the marches were going on, I was completely out of the loop. It's something I was super excited about and would've never been able to go to normally, but somehow I accidentally happened to end up there at the right time.

In all it was, frustrating, miserable, beautiful, surprisingly nice and diverse, historic, terrifying, stupid, and extremely lucky. Lucky that we managed to arrange the trip on short notice, lucky that we didn't die on the way down, lucky that I happened to be there for a huge protest event that I was able to partake in at least a tiny bit, lucky that I didn't have to go to the strip club after all, lucky that we didn't get arrested, lucky that we made it back safely, lucky that I didn't chop S's dick off and shove it down his throat. I think I might've used up all of the luck for the next ten years, and I'm a bit frightened.

For those keeping score at home, 

Reasons Why Dae Needs to be Grounded:

- going on a trip with sketchy drug dealing wannabe-gangsters who are racist, transphobic, homophobic, misogynistic dumbasses - going on this trip while extremely sick - ditching my friend and the group while extremely sick, in a strange city, with all of our cell phones dying, and ignoring their calls - swimming in the pool while extremely sick (I broke the pool rules whoops) - getting BACK into the defective car with a driver who had been drinking and has no license, at night - going to work directly after this trip, while extremely sick - still trying to talk while my voice is 99% gone - not cleaning my room (it’s so messy help) - staying up late at night to type this instead of sleeping

and now my throat feels much better but I’ve 100% lost my voice and can only communicate through strained whispers and interpretive dance.

but I have tomorrow off and I plan to finally.... rest. 

assuming that I can even fall asleep.

[thrashermaxey]

Ramblings: Barry Trotz, Galchenyuk-Domi, Shea Weber, and More – June 19

The big news from Monday was that the current head coach for the current Stanley Cup champions would become the former head coach for the current Stanley Cup champions. In the afternoon, Washington announced that Barry Trotz would be resigning from the club.

According Isabelle Khurshudyan of the Washington Post, Trotz had a clause in his contract that were he to win the Stanley Cup, an automatic two-year extension would kick in, on top of an extra $300 000 to each season, bringing his pay to $1.8-million per year. For those unfamiliar with the going rate for top-end coaches, particularly Cup-winning ones, he might be able to get three times that amount on the open market. It should be noted that this was an automatic extension, meaning the Caps had to accept his resignation, else they could just make him sit home for two years. They are allowing him to break his contract which, if he can get close to what coaches like Mike Babcock and Joel Quenneville earn, will be a big boost to Trotz’s bank account.

The Caps weren’t willing to give him the money and the term he was reportedly asking for. But someone will *cough* Islanders *cough*.

Bob McKenzie points out that it’s likely Todd Reirden gets promoted and takes over the bench boss duties but that there will still be some sort of formal coaching search. Until the time comes when the official coaching duties are announced, there’s no point in speculating what a new coach will do to the roster or systems.

All the same, best wishes to Trotz on whatever he does next. He helped bring a Cup to a long-suffering fanbase and did so after spending a decade and a half making hockey a must-watch sporting event in Nashville. Kudos to the Caps for allowing him to go get what he’s worth and good luck to Trotz.

*

There has been a lot of coverage here on the site with regards to the trade between Montreal and Arizona over the weekend. You can read Cam Robinson’s analysis of the Alex Galchenyuk–Max Domi deal and Ian Gooding’s here as well.

One point where I agree with both Ian and Cam is that league setup matters when trying to figure out the value for these guys. Galchenyuk has fewer penalty minutes over his last 205 regular season games than Domi had in 2017-18 alone. That is a difference-maker in leagues that count PIMs.

Other than that, though, this isn’t necessarily an upgrade for Domi. He likely lines up on the second line next year which means he gets Jonathan Drouin as his pivot. Drouin did not show the ability to play a top-end centre position last season. Does he improve on that this year? It’s possible. Does Domi get better line mates than Derek Stepan and Clayton Keller, his line mates when Domi put up 9 points in 13 October games? No.

Like Cam discussed, where Galchenyuk lines up will matter. Stepan is the top-line centre and Dylan Strome is the presumed number-2. Is Galchenyuk the third-line centre? It could work in a sheltered role but maybe he’d be better served on the wing in the top-six. My hunch is that maybe he plays a bit everywhere but eventually settles on the wing. There isn’t a lot of scoring depth on the wings in Arizona and he can help in this regard.

Galchenyuk’s defensive problems are well-documented and founded. That doesn’t mean he can’t be an impact player for the Coyotes. He should get top-six minutes with top power play minutes. A player with his skills can succeed with that. Again, league setups matter but I would still lean Galchenyuk here.

One final thing I’ll mention: he’ll be a great value in drafts come September if Domi can re-find his scoring touch in Montreal (i.e. not shoot 7 percent over two seasons). With his penalty minute potential, anything close to his rookie year can lead him to being very solid in roto leagues. He’s probably overvalued in real hockey but he’s probably going to be undervalued in fantasy hockey. Smart owners can take advantage of people who can’t separate the two.

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Also wanted to point out Dobber’s take on Marc Bergevin’s move here. The move itself isn’t horrific. But it’s probably another trade the Habs lose, however thin that margin is. If you keep losing deals, even with small margins, over and over, it’s death by a thousand cuts. One move that doesn’t work out is fine; several moves that don’t work out is a pattern of ineptitude.

There’s a lesson there for fantasy owners. You can’t be afraid of making trades in your leagues. You have to give something to get something, and sometimes you’re going to lose a trade. I can think of a laundry list of trades I’ve made over the years that didn’t work out. It happens. Now, if it happens all the time, maybe review what considerations you’re making when proposing, mulling over, or accepting a trade. There is something clearly wrong in your process. You can’t be afraid of making mistakes when going for a title, but you also can’t keep making mistakes over and over.

Try to be more like David Poile and less like Marc Bergevin.

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With the draft ahead this week, don’t forget to grab your copy of the Dobber Prospects Report! Get a head start on your league mates to know the players and situations for rookie drafts, dynasty drafts, and more!

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Speaking of topics that are being beaten to death: John Tavares!

Also according to McKenzie, the Leafs may be putting together some sort of promotional package. Knowing just how absolutely brutal any promotional/marketing material by almost every team in the league is, I hope this is made public sometime. It’s either going to be so bad it’s awful or so bad it’s really good.

Anyway, to fantasy-related stuff.

I said it months ago in a Ramblings and I stand by it: I would love to see Tavares go Vegas. This is a team with a young core that is only going to improve but we saw them run into problems with scoring depth at times. With the uncertainty of David Perron and James Neal, it’s 40-some goals that they may need to replace. It would provide a buffer and some safety for youngsters Nick Suzuki and Cody Glass while providing the team with a true, bona fide superstar.

The most likely conclusion here is just Tavares re-signing with the Islanders. We all know that. It doesn’t mean we can speculate. That’s the point of fantasy hockey!

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Not really fantasy-relevant (yet) but the ownership group looking to bring a franchise to Seattle hired former Arizona coach Dave Tippett to be their senior advisor. He would be responsible for helping get things moving on the hockey operations side of things. Whether he stays on after they get a team (if they get a team) remains to be seen but it’s just one more needle tick in the direction of the Western Conference getting another team sooner rather than later.

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While I was thinking about Galchenyuk, Shea Weber came to mind for me. Namely, I’m wondering where his ADP is going to be next season. Or is it this season? Can we say “this season” yet? What’s the cut-off?

Injuries limited him to 26 games in 2017-18 but if you worked out his “on pace” numbers, this is what we get for 78 games, a number he reached in eight straight 82-game seasons: 18 goals, 30 assists, 42 PIMs, 225 shots, 198 hits, 177 blocks. That number of goals would have led the NHL among defencemen. The 30 assists would have been one off a four-year high. The 225 assists would have been the highest mark in three years. Those PIMs would have also been a three-year high. The blocks would have been a career high. The hits would have been his highest mark since 2010-11.

In all, *if* he could have kept up those marks for a full year, he would have been an excellent fantasy commodity.

Back to my question: what’s his ADP going to be? He was probably drafted in the top-10 defencemen in your fantasy drafts for 2017-18. Does he fall out of the top-10? Where does he have to go for you to feel comfortable drafting him?

I won’t start my projections until free agency settles down but assuming Weber doesn’t lose his PP slotting – which I cannot imagine he does – is there a reason, other than health, that Weber takes a step back next season? He’s getting older but he didn’t really seem to take a step back, at least for fantasy production, last year. If he plays 25 minutes a night with top PP time, maybe he can be the guy we have seen for the last few years. If I can grab him as a second defenceman in 12-team leagues, I’ll be hard-pressed to pass that up.

from All About Sports https://dobberhockey.com/hockey-rambling/ramblings-barry-trotz-galchenyuk-domi-shea-weber-and-more-june-19/