#anyway. maybe now i'll continue reading the book that i actually literally need to read for my exams. and if not the stupid light stays on. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

writtenonreceipts · 2 years ago

Note

Am I slightly evil? Yes. But that’s besides the point. I would love a what if Aelin was actually pregnant in Empire of Storms. DRAMA! ANGST! OH NO MAEVE! 🫣 do ur worst. Literally.

Thanks for sending this in!! <3 It's been a while since I read the book, lol. My reread came to a screeching halt a little while ago. SO! Some points will not occur as they did in the book because i have no memory. Anyways...canon au/divergence. Partial EOS/KOA rewrite.

find my other works here

READ ME--Warnings: torture, brief allusion to sexual assault, pain, violence, discussion of miscarriage and death. ANGST. you've been warned. Maybe happy ending???

~6.4k words

.*.*.*.*.

Until the Bitter End of Eternity

First, there was darkness. Thick and heavy and enough to make the entire world disappear. It was a darkness that slipped not just across her eyes but into her mind. Even when she tried, she couldn’t remember what day break looked like. She couldn’t remember the way the sun scraped over the Staghorns or gleamed across the sea. She couldn’t remember the shade of green that soothed her soul.

Second, there was pain. Hot as it burned on skin and bore through flesh and into bone. And she knew her pain. Her life was a continuous cycle of torture, of broken bones and skin. She had endured it all over and over. But this…this was a fresh hell.

Third, there was terror. Sharp in the way it drilled one thought repeatedly over and over into her head. Dry in the way that it leeched everything else from her.

Aelin had no choice but to feel each of these things. She had no choice but to let each thought and each feeling and each idea encompass her. Because it meant that she was alive. And to be alive was to be one step closer to returning to her mate (her mate, was that even possible?) and to be alive meant that the little flutter deep in her belly was real.

Perhaps she should regret not telling him. Instead, she'd told Lysandra. Begged Lysandra for help, for support, for confirmation. And her friend had assured her it would be fine. Assured her she was strong enough. Assured her that she would support Aelin if a certain choice needed to be made.

She should regret not having one more moment with Rowan, one last taste of hope that they could be together. A family.

"Well, well," a lilting voice permeated the darkness. And even when Aelin opened her eyes, even when she tried to seek out the light, there was nothing. "Niece, I thought you were stronger than this. But your fear. My, my. How did you ever gain a following? You're so close to falling apart, aren't you?"

Aelin dragged in a breath, the tang of iron and mold coating her tongue and burrowing in her lungs. A chill ran across her limbs, licking up any remnant of sweat. It took far too long to remember the coffin. She was trapped. Entombed. Locked away to be be saved for death. Maybe she’d pushed it too far back in her mind. Maybe she’d tried to give herself some sort of protection.

But it came racing back now in the desire to reach out and throttle that cruel little voice that echoed through the silence.

"No witty words? Fireheart?"

Bile rose in Aelin’s throat as the moniker crossed Maeve's lips. The cruel fae queen was trying to rile her up, trying to make Aelin betray herself. She swallowed the acid down.

Breathe, she thought. Just breathe.

"Don't worry,” Maeve continued, "I'll be gentle. For now."

And that cruel fae queen began the torture she’d always promised.

...

The coffin was cold. Impenetrable. And Aelin was acutely aware of the empty recesses to her magic.

It made her feel lost, distant, utterly remote from everything and anything. As a child and into her young adult years, she'd repressed her magic so much that she'd convinced herself she'd never had it. She’d convinced herself that it was a mere fantasy made up by a poor little girl struggling with reality. But after learning what it was and how to control it, she'd truly understood what it meant to be that wildfire she was so often called.

For a wildfire was more than just a force to be reckoned with.

And now, encased in iron and darkness, her skin burned in desperation. She needed to burn. She needed to feel again.

She didn't know how long she remained in that coffin. It could have been hours; it could have been days. It could have been millennia.

And the one thing that should have been a comfort, that small flutter of life in her womb, was only another cruel thing to use against her. Because just by existing, that life was the cruelest torture the gods had given her.

Aelin managed to brush her hand over her belly. Given the limited space of the coffin, it was a bit awkward, but it comforted her. It gave her just a little bit of hope, even for just the bare moment she gave herself. She had to be careful. She couldn’t let Maeve know. She couldn’t let her guards know.

As soon as they did, they would use it against her. And she couldn't bear what that would entail.

After what felt like years locked away with her own mind, there was finally the sound of rattling chains and grating stone. And then a strike of light fell across her face making her flinch. It had been so long since she'd been touched by light. So long since she'd felt it so freely on her skin. She didn't like it. She didn't trust it.

The coffin opened with a heavy groan and cool air rushed over Aelin, brushing her limbs, her face.

It tasted like salt and wood and death.

She didn't have time to adjust to it when large, calloused hands took hold and yanked her from the coffin. Aelin couldn’t keep her feet as she was set on the ground. She tried. She tried to hold onto that pride that had once so securely owned her. She tried to find that fire that once burned within her. She tried. But it wasn't enough.

Her feet slid on cold marble and her body fell against the outside of the iron coffin. She didn't have time to relax against it though. The cruel hands were back, digging into the flesh of her arms and forcing her to her feet.

Aelin bit back a moan of pain at being forced to move, to walk. She hadn’t been able to stretch within the coffin and her body had grown so used to not moving that even this motion nearly sent her to her knees.

But the male beside her wouldn't let her fall. He was quiet with his harsh eyes and beautiful face turned forward. The only acknowledgment she had that he was aware of her was the way his fingers clung to her skin.

She looked there, his tanned skin a contrast to her own. She could already see the bruises that would come from this. She could already taste the blood that would coat her tongue when Maeve would inevitably have him beat her.

Once she might have tried to tease him. Endovier hadn't broken her, Arobynn hadn’t either. Would she really allow Maeve the dishonor? The little flutter of life in her belly was all the answer she needed.

No. Aelin wouldn't be broken not for the possibility of hope and the image of a boy with his father's pine green eyes. Or maybe a girl with long silver hair that would dance among the forest with flowers in her hands.

What little strength she had went to shielding her stomach and protecting the innocent life. There was no guarantee that this would work for long, no promise that she’d carry to term, not with what she'd already been through and would continue to suffer.

It would take a miracle. And Aelin was sure she’d used all hers up.

Maeve would drag her within an inch of her life. And this little soul would face it too. Bile rose in Aelin’s throat as she thought about that.

The male beside her yanked Aelin to a stop just before the great doors that would lead to Maeve's throne room.

"The queen desires an audience," the male said, his curling blonde hair falling into his eyes. Aelin thought she recognized him as one of Rowan's Cadre.

She met his gaze and lifted her chin, ready to accept her fate.

...

The blood on her lips never stayed dry for long.

Even in her dreams, when she managed to sleep, Aelin was covered in red. It dibbled between her teeth, stained her gums, tainted her lips. Iron and salt were her only companion.

Her dreams never varied.

They were filled with images of forests wide and free. They sang of vast skies and warm burning suns. They hummed with magic that kissed her skin. But most importantly there was Rowan.

Rowan with his commanding presence. Rowan with his cold eyes and hard demeanor. Rowan who was her salvation and hope. Rowan who she could never quite keep close enough. No matter how she tried to chase after, to reach him, it was never enough. He would remain just out of her grasp and Aelin would be alone until her mind spiraled to the edge of an abyss of black.

Alone.

And then she would wake. And Maeve would beat and abuse her again. Again. Again.

Each time she would tell Aelin to give up, to release her magic, to allow Maeve access to her mind. Maeve sought to destroy her and Aelins will was chipped away.

Everyday Aelin would hold on though. She would think about that life within her, that perfect innocent life that she would hold onto. That life that would be a perfect mix of her and Rowan. That life that would live to know peace and hope.

So when the whips came out and the chains rattled on the stone floor, Aelin let her mind return to the darkest shadows of her subconscious that had given birth to Celaena. And as Cairn whispered threats into her ear and his hand were rough and cruel upon her skin, Aelin remembered where she had been and how far she had come.

Even as leather bit into her back and ruined the tattoos that marked her life—Aelin’s mind stayed locked.

Even when she would let out the inevitable scream—Aelin’s heart stayed strong.

Even when her nails tore and tears streamed—Aelin’s will stayed firm.

And when her body was torn and bruised and she returned to the coffin that wouldn't let her die, Aelin found herself staring at that male who led her to her daily torture. He was harsh and cruel and vile. The only thing she could think was that she would delight to see his blood on her hands.

When he didn’t whip her, Cairn would take a knife to her skin and carve into her flesh. Often it was useless strikes and cuts. Other times there were words. Aelin would watch the blood drip down her skin and pool on the marble of the throne room. It was strange seeing such things etched into her skin. Strange to have them burned into her eyes. Stranger still to feel the way the blood oozed in tracks along her arms. Her legs. Her back.

It was wicked and cruel and the male delighted in it.

Every time he drew blood his lips were at her ear. Do you like that, little princess? When her breath would stutter in her lungs he would draw a finger along her jaw. Let me hear you beg, bitch.

Maeve would always heal her though. She took away the marks at the end of a week. What fun was it when the subject of your ire was too cut up to feel anything?

Still. Aelin didn’t beg. She didn’t plead. She only stared forward at the male across the hall who brought her here on his queen’s order.

Fenrys never did speak to her. Only blink. Only blink and offer the barest hints of pressure as his fingers left her skin and delivered her to her prison once again.

...

She remembered the first time she wanted to die.

It was when she was in Arobynn's care. He had shown her how to slit a man's throat from a myriad of positions. This being when she was trapped beneath him. His hands would wander and he’d carefully arrange her just the way he wanted.

He taught her the best way to hold the knife. The best angle to cut. He called her his good girl and praised the chaos she would cause. And then he threw her to the wolves.

As she stared into Maeve’s eyes one day she imagined she could see Arobynn there. The cold delight, the deadly precision, the lack of empathy and care.

Aelin was in a mask of iron. A headpiece that covered her face so only her eyes could see slits of light and color. There was a mouthpiece she was forced to clamp down on with spikes that tore her tongue and the soft flesh of her cheeks and gums. Iron and faebane forged together that caused tears and blood to roll down her face.

Aelin didn't know how long she'd been held. She didn't know how long she'd been directing her magic to protect her baby. From what she could tell there'd been no growth. She was sick often enough that maybe, maybe, maybe it was okay. But she could have lost it and would never know what had finally done it. Only that she hadn't been strong enough.

She was strung up in chains and the iron mask deep in the recesses of Maeve’s palace. Had been for long enough that she stank of piss and vomit. She hadn’t been able to help either occurrence.

As her mind wandered from consciousness to dreams, she fought to focus on something other than the darkness, the pain, the terror. She tried to find something to hold onto. When she tried to think of the babe—it nearly sent her into hysterics. After all, she likely killed the child by submitting to this torture. She wasn’t strong enough to hold off the true pain and agony. She couldn’t protect herself so how, how could she protect that innocent life?

She came to herself as the door of her cell eased open. Aelin snapped to attention, ignoring the pain that tore through her body.

In the dull light from behind the door she could make out the shape of a male. Aelin pulled away even as the brackets around her wrists dug into the worn and tender flesh.

It had to be Cairn. She knew it did. He’d told her many times over that one of these days he’d come to her. He’d break her. He’d see her on her back as he—

“Aelin.”

A soft voice. Far kinder than what she’d expected.

Aelin blinked through tears and the fog surrounding her mind. Through the slits of the mask she could make out the face of Fenrys Moonbeam.

“We don’t have time,” he murmured.

His hands went to the chains at her wrists, making quick work of the locks. As the chains fell away, Aelin collapsed forward. Fenrys caught her easily, his strong arms supporting her as he took care of the chains at her ankles.

“I can’t get the mask,” he said, “not strong enough. Aelin. Look at me.”

A shudder of pain rippled through her. Her tongue cut on one of the spikes in her mouth and blood trickled down her throat. She gagged.

“Aelin,” Fenrys said again. “You have to run. I can get you to the woods but from there you’re on your own. Do you hear me? There is only so long she will be distracted.”

His words slowly pieced together in her mind. Run. Escape. Freedom.

A hand dropped to her abdomen. She couldn’t help it. She wouldn’t apologize for it. And maybe, maybe there was something there.

“Run.” she managed to spit through the iron gag in her mouth the rutted mask around her.

Fenrys wasted no time in leading her through the dungeons.

He supported most of her weight even when she came to herself. They were practically flying down different pathways and channels. Soon, the dank stench of excrement and blood dissipated and was replaced by something sweeter, fresher.

“Almost there,” Fenrys murmured into her ear.

Aelin barely managed a hum in response. She was too busy trying to find one more ounce of strength somewhere in her bones.

A light appeared at the end of the corridor they were moving down. So small, Aelin almost missed it. But the faster Fenrys moved the closer the light came. It was real. So real that in a few hundred yards they came to a grate that led out into freedom.

Fenrys ushed Aelin through the bars but didn’t follow. His fae eyes gleamed in the shadows and she could feel a preternatural power roll off of him.

“Run straight to the trees,” Fenrys told her. “Don’t stop. You cannot stop. You cannot give up. Not yet. He’ll find you; do you understand? He will find you.”

Rowan. She thought. She could only blink her response before Fenrys was shoving her out into the daylight.

It was so different from what she remembered. It wasn’t silent or still. Rather, there was a wind rustling in the trees, a bird in the distance. She could feel cold moss beneath her toes and a dampness in the air of a coming rain.

It was clean and pure and—

Run.

Her knees buckled at the first step. Her legs forgot that they knew this motion. She tried again with another step. Another. Another. Step upon step upon step that would take her directly into the trees.

Her bare feet dug into the detritus of the forest floor. Leave and sticks and dirt kicked up beneath her frantic scrambles. It didn’t help that her vision was so limited with the mask. She could hardly see one step in front of her, let alone two.

It was taking her too long to move. She knew it. She could feel a shift in the air.

What had Fenrys done to provide a distraction? Had anyone else helped him? She had no idea what would have been enough to drag Maeve away from the castle, away from Aelin when she was so close to breaking.

Somewhere behind her, she heard a scream. A roar, really. Something loud and violent that send a shudder through the forest.

Cairn. It had to be. She, his little play thing, was gone. He would come find her, she knew he would.

Aelin pushed herself forward. A tree nearly tossed her off balance but she kept moving. Quicker now. One step in front of the other as her knees picked up. There were far too many brambles and roots to keep her trajectory straight, but she didn’t stop.

She couldn’t stop. Not with one hand cradling her stomach that she swore was rounded just a bit. She hadn’t completely lost her mind, had she?

She couldn’t stop as her senses filled with clean air and fresh upturned earth. All around her, the forest was coming alive with fluttering wings and scampering paws. This was where she belonged, wasn’t it? Wild and free.

She ran.

She ran until her body was begging for relief. Until she could feel the wounds along her body burst and new blood rolled down her frame. Maeve hadn’t healed her for this week yet.

The blood would make it easier for Cairn to track. It would be easier for him to hunt her down and finish what he’d started.

Each of her nerve endings lit up as though they were on fire. All across her body, she felt as though she were disintegrating back into that pathetic ball of utter shame. She couldn’t even run properly let alone get herself to freedom without help. She was—

There was a shift in the air.

It was sudden and stark on her skin. She felt as though she’d stepped into a wall of ice as a chill wrapped around her, curling into every curve and angle of her body. She knew that feeling. She had felt it on many occasions before. Back when she’d been a flickering flame on the verge of burnout and he’d been there to ground her.

Aelin gasped for air desperate for a taste of the world around her.

Rowan. Pine and snow and sweet sweet relief. Rowan. Rowan. Rowan. Aelin stumbled in her frantic run. She could smell him. He was so close she could feel him and his strength and as desperation rolled through her, Aelin found her magic slowly unfurling. It quivered within her as it slowly rolled forth.

Rowan.

Rowan

Rowan.

She kept running. Running until she heard something in the trees around her. Running until she could smell magic in the air. Running until she burst into a clearing, stumbling to her knees. All the strength she’d put forth was eaten up. Her body so tired, her mind so numb. She didn’t know if she could go any further. But she could feel him, so immersive and familiar.

Aelin.

Her name whispered through the trees, light and cool.

Aelin,

Her name rang with desperation as it shuddered among the surrounding trees.

“Aelin!”

Her name was fierce and strong coming from the one person she'd thought about most in the last few months. Aelin managed to look up as Rowan fell to the ground in front of her. Even on his knees, he was massive. His broad frame blocked out anything from view as his magic pulsed between them.

“Aelin,” he whispered. Strong arms came around her as though they could offer security or protection.

Aelin shuddered in Rowan’s grasp as she tried to pull away.

“Off. Off. Take it off.” She demanded. Her fingers scrabbled at the metal mask over her face. Blood dribbled from the corners of her mouth and pain landed through her, but she didn't care. All she cared about was getting that damned mask off.

“It’s alright, Fireheart,” Rowan murmured. “Look at me. Look at me, love.”

In her frantic scrambling she’d twisted in his grasp and was now facing him. His green eyes found hers and for the first time in so many months, Aelin could breathe.

“Rowan,” she gasped. The metal mouthpiece scraped against her tender skin. All she cared about was Rowan before her.

His hands were gentle as they ran along the seam of the mask and Aelin’s neck. He kept talking to her in a mix of the old language and common tongue. She didn’t know what he was saying—couldn’t focus on anything but his hands—but it was the soothing lilt of his voice that kept her grounded.

She didn't know how long it took but soon the metal fell free and she could feel cool air on her face and tears tracked down her face.

A sob escaped her as she slumped against Rowan. His arms tightened around her as he murmured sweet assurances in her ear.

The relief didn’t last long.

Not as a new figure emerged from the trees. Aelin didn’t have to see his face to know who it was. She could smell her own blood on the long blade in his grasp.

Aelin dug her fingers into Rowan’s arm, the hard muscle unyielding as he slowly shifted her away from Cairn.

“Two little lambs,” Cairn crooned, “all ready for the slaughter.”

…

Rowan Whitethorn was a warrior. Three hundred years of life on this earth had turned him from a simple boy in his father’s land to a fae that yearned for the hunt.

He was not afraid of it. Nor was he averse to it. He respected the way of war and the blood that would be shed.

At least until this very moment.

Aelin shuddered in his grasp as she flinched away from the sight of Cairn. Aelin who was strong and capable and the most powerful creature he’d known shuddered. Rowan felt his body tense as he stood, gently leaving Aelin kneeling on the ground.

This male had touched her, had hurt her. And he was going to regret it.

“Cairn,” Rowan growled.

Magic thrummed in his bones and sang through his blood until it was all around him. He could feel power rising up from the deepest wells of his being, the very places he swore he would never touch.

Cain on cocked his head to the side as a predatory smile stretched across his mouth. “I think I’ll enjoy killing you, Whitethorn. And when my hands are covered in your blood I’ll take your little bitch and fu—”

Rowan attacked.

He drew the sword strapped to his back and a smaller knife strapped to his side and burned. His ice magic felt hot at it wrapped around him, urging him on. In a scant few steps, he was lunging for Cairn.

The other male hadn’t been expecting this. He fell back one step but it was all Rowan needed. He went for the exposed belly, swiping with his dagger. Cairn barely dodged and retaliated by drawing a knee up. Rowan threw him back with an icy snap of wind. The force of it threw Ciarn against a tree.

A resounding crack echoed through the forest as Rowan stalked forward.

Cairn struggled against the magic that held him. Surprise was written clear on his face. The fool either hadn’t remembered what Rowan was capable of or thought his pathetic alliance with Maeve would somehow save him.

Rowan would relish in the scent of blood that day.

…

Aelin didn't know how long it took or how it actually happened, but soon she was gathered in Rowans arms and he was running with her through the forest.

She could still smell the stench of fire and burning flesh on the air. She could still see the way Rowan moved towards Cairn with his weapons raised. She could still hear the last of Cairn’s screams on the wind.

Rowan had held nothing back in his attack. He’d taken his time to carve into Cairn’s flesh, to draw out as much pain and misery as he could.

Aelin could only watch. Watch and thank the gods for what Rowan was capable of.

Now, they eventually came to where Aelin’s growing army was camped, but she could hardly notice or care about the numbers that were gathering. All she could do was fall against Rowans chest and let him watch over her.

Even when Lysandra and Elide came to help bath and dress and treat the wounds that marred her skin. It was hard to do while stool as sentinel growling when anyone moved too close or too quick.

But Aelin couldn't bring herself to really notice or care. Not when Elide’s gentle fingers wove her damp hair into a braid and Lysandra rubbed oils and lotion into Aelin’s raw skin.

She couldn't hold back the flinch when Lysandra brushed her belly as she pulled a tunic over Aelin’s head. Lysandra froze remembering that night on the ship when Aelin told her she was with child.

"Aelin," Lysandra whispered. She hovered close, eyes darting to where Rowan glowered.

"What?" He demanded. "Is something wrong? Do we need Yrene?"

Aelin squeezed her eyes shut. Maybe it was better if Yrene came to tell her that her worst fears had been realized. But she couldn't bring herself to say the words. Even as Rowan's magic enveloped her, Aelin couldn't look at him.

"Sleep," she rasped. "I just want to sleep."

Maybe she'd be able to disappear into the darkness that had been her only companion. Maybe she'd be able to forget for one moment—

In an instant both Lysandra and Elide were gone and she was back in Rowan's arms. His nose was buried in her neck, arms tight around her.

"You're safe, Fireheart, " he told her. "I promise. You can rest now. Put down your magic, love. It's been flaring for too long now."

Aelin buried her fingers in his tunic until she found his bare flesh and she could feel him beneath her. Was she still flaring her magic? She'd grown so accustomed to holding that shield up around herself that it was second nature even in her exhausted state.

“Rowan,” she whispered, his name a balm against her lips. “I’m sorry.”

He held her tighter against his chest. “For what?”

But she was already asleep.

…

There were hands digging into her skin. Determined hands that picked and prodded as they tore her apart. They ripped at the thin nightgown she wore even as she tried to pull and tug away. But no matter what she did, there was no escape.

One hand went to her throat, fingers tightening until she was struggling for breath. The other hand flexed across her stomach, the touch rough and cold.

“I’ll make you scream,” a voice said. It didn’t take long for her to place that cold, cruel voice. “And then you’ll kneel before me and beg for mercy.”

Aelin’s own scream finally pulled her from the nightmare. She thrashed wildly, desperate to get away from Cairn’s horrific torture.

“Aelin, Aelin.” Another voice, different. A new set of hands came over her, these careful in the way they held her. “Fireheart, you’re safe.”

A snarl tore from her lips, she couldn’t help it. All she could hear was Cairn’s laugh and feel the way his knife cut her skin. She needed to get away. She could focus on nothing other than the how small this tent space and how best she could escape it.

“She needs to calm down, Prince,” a soft voice said from her left, “for her own safety.”

Aelin whirled toward the voice just as a pair of hands went to her waist, firm as they tried to hold her still. They were too close to her belly that Aelin couldn’t help the defensive flare that rose within her. Her instincts took over as she grabbed one of the hands and twisted it away. A flicker of fire raced from her fingers to singe her captor.

They grunted but held on tighter. Ice met her fire and in a low hiss, the small flames burned out.

Blinking rapidly, Aelin looked up to meet the pine green eyes of Rowan.

“Rowan,” she whispered. Her flames disappeared as she took him in.

Yes. This was right. He had come for her. He had held her. He had decimated Cairn as though it were his right.

“Aelin.” Rowan stared at her unblinking. There was caution in his eyes as he regarded her, as though he were expecting her to lash out and burn him again.

The planes of his face were hard as stone as she took him in. He was ragged with bags under his eyes and stubble on his chin. But it was still Rowan. Her Rowan.

“You found me,” she croaked, her voice broken from the screams. You found us.

She released him, nearly pushing him away as everything came back to her.

Oh to fade back into that darkness that was always so welcoming and good to her. That darkness that she could sink into and let take over. If she could disappear, she could forget. She could forget the pain and the fear. She could forget the whips and the whispers. She could forget that she had certainly destroyed the one bit of happiness that was left for her in this world.

Rowan didn’t move as he watched her. But she did note the way his eyes did finally dip from her face down to her stomach.

No. No. No.

Aelin shrunk away from him. She couldn’t bear to look at him, couldn’t bear to tell him—

She remembered the other body in the tent with them. Aelin turned to see Yrene standing near the closed tent flaps. She had her hair pulled back with a scrap of cloth, her warm brown skin was flushed and the hazel of her eyes was dimmed from the last time Aelin had seen her.

Of course the healer was here. Why wouldn’t she be if Aelin was so broken and torn apart? And if Aelin had killed—

“Aelin,” Yrene said softly. She held out a hand in supplication. “Aelin, it’s alright. You’re still healing. I did the best I could for now.”

Bile rose in Aelin’s throat at the words. Still healing. The best she could. Her fingers wound into the front of her tunic. The walls she’d been trying to keep up were frail and weak. She knew she was hemorrhaging emotions and information directly for Rowan to pick up on but she was so tired.

“Tell me,” Aelin managed to say. She couldn’t finish the thought but when Yrene’s features softened, she knew she’d been understood.

At her back, Aelin could feel Rowan. He didn’t touch her, not yet, but he was there. His strong presence buoyed Aelin up as she waited for Yrene’s answer.

The healer nodded once before managing a smile. “Five months, your majesty. You’re malnourished and need to gain weight, but—as far as I can tell right now—the baby is fine. Small but fine.”

Aelin could only stare as Yrene took her leave and left the tent.

Small but fine. Small but fine. Small but—

“Rowan.” Aelin reached a hand back until she found him. He took her hand in his and pulled her back against his chest, his other arm tentatively wrapping around her. “I thought…I thought I lost it. I thought I wasn’t, that I didn’t—”

Her words were cut off as a sob rose in her throat. When her legs gave out from the exertion of the past five minutes, Rowan was there to catch her. He held her against him as they both sank to the ground, wrapped up in each other as Aelin cried.

Rowan only held her. His face was once against buried in her neck; his lips soft against her skin as he whispered something in the Old Language. She had longed for a moment like this for so long that she didn’t dare move. Instead, she held on to Rowan as her cries continued and eventually her body stopped shaking.

It was then that Rowan lifted her into his arms and carried her back to the small cot she’d been sleeping in earlier. He laid her down gently before curling around her. One of his large hands hovered near her stomach but he didn’t dare touch her.

“You knew,” he said, his voice was rough and worn. “You knew before Maeve took you.”

Aelin closed her eyes to the sight of Rowan’s own mournful gaze. He’d been crying same as her.

With a long breath, she took her hand in his and rested it on that too small swell. As soon as he touched her, Rowan’s body went stiff then slack, then a shudder nearly broke him apart. His hold on her tightened just barely before stopping. Aelin could feel the trembles taking him as he waited. She pressed his hand more firmly against her, holding him there even when he tried to pull away.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered as she bowed her head forward until she rested against his chin. “I’m so sorry, Rowan.”

“I could have lost you,” he said, breath fanning over her hair.

“I didn’t think it was real,” she said. “I told myself it couldn’t be. And then I was in that coffin and I knew. I knew what I had done. And it would be my fault if—if—”

She felt another wave of tears come over her and she stopped talking. Rowan gently cradled her chin in his hand, tilting her face up. She kept her eyes closed, unable to look at him.

“And when C-c, when he started to hurt me,” she continued, forcing the words through trembling lips, “I put all my energy into trying to keep it real, to keep the—the baby safe. But every day I thought that would be it, that would be the time I failed. I’d already failed you, so why not that life?”

Rowan’s hand flexed against her stomach and his lips grazed her forehead, her eyes, her lips.

“You’d never fail me,” he assured her.

Was he not hearing her or was she not speaking clear enough? “I didn’t tell you.”

“You said it yourself; you didn’t think you were,” he said. “And when was the time? Everything happened so fast.”

His voice trailed off and Aelin finally opened her eyes. He was watching her with an unreadable expression. Aelin felt her heart tug. She had imagined him so many times in her captivity. He’d often been a dim voice in the back of her mind, but he’d been there nonetheless. Sometimes it had been him and only him that got her through a day.

“Rowan.” She kept her hand firmly over his where it rested on her belly. “I’m scared. When I close my eyes, I swear I’m back there. And when I sleep? I already nearly burned you. How can I do this? How can I do anything of this? Not just a child, but a war? How can I be strong enough when I’ve fallen apart so many times already?”

"You're not alone, Fireheart," he said. His voice was so soft Alein almost thought she'd imagined it. She watched that hard, carefully crafted expression of his soften. "Not anymore. But if this is too much, if you don't want— "

Aelin squeezed his hand knowing what he was suggesting. He broke off and only watched her.

"I choose this," she said. "And I choose you, Rowan Whitethorn. "

He nodded once at her words before leaning in to kiss her.

His lips were soft against hers. Soft and gentle as he explored her again. And Aelin, desperate for that feeling and taste of home, kissed him back. Rowan rested his hands on her hips as she rolled on top of him.

From there, she quickly took control, her mouth moving urgently against his until she was pulling his lower lip, sucking gently but needful. Her hands were roving his body tugging at Rowans tunic, the buttons of his pants. She needed him. Needed every bit of him that she could get.

And when they came together with careful kisses and whispered promises Aelin found for the first time, she was able to banish that terrible darkness away.

They still had so far to go and so much to learn—but they would get there together.

.*.*.*.*.*.

tags

@morganofthewildfire // @aelinchocolatelover // @sexy-dumpster-fire // @bamchickawowow // @ireallyshouldsleeprn // @courtofjurdan // @sassys-world // @sleeping-and-books // @superspiritfestival // @chieflemming // @julemmaes // @lysandra-ghost-leopard // @firestarsandseneschals // @rapunzel1523 // @booksofthemoon // @fangirlprincess09 // @highladysith // @tillyrubes10 // @bri-loves-sunflowers // @rowaelinismyotp // @sheharahu // @1islessthan3books // @fromthelibraryofemilyj // @vanzetanze // @foughtconquered // @acciowests // @cassianscool // @thegreyj // @acourtofsjmtrash // @story-scribbler // @jesstargaryenqueen // @amoretheiwa // @jorjy-jo // @danibutterr @live-the-fangirl-life // @foreverfallingforthestars // @pastasiren // @whimsicallyreading // @infernoqueen19 // @mis-lil-red // @lemonade-coolattas // @scribbled-semantics // @realbookloverproblems // @ghostlyrose2 // @rainbowcheetah512 // @bri-loves-sunflowers // @captain-swan-is-endgame // @mystic-bibliophile // @cretaceous-therapod // @swankii-art-teacher // @thisloveseternal // @gracie-rosee // @bananaanna23 // @goddess-aelin // @liars-lmao // @emily-gsh // @rowaelinrambling // @bookcide // @sideralwriting // @nerdperson524 // @thegloweringcastle //

#rowaelin #aelin galathynius #aelin x rowan #rowan whitethorn #throne of glass #empire of storms #kingdom of ash #angst #major angst #tw: violence #tw: torture #triggers #i warned you #canon divergence

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hottakehoulihan · 11 days ago

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Wicked

tl;dr I wasn't overwowed and I hesitate to endorse it, but I had fun and would like to see the next...or maybe I'll just hunt up the book.

and I figure you could do the same so either you want to read a long yammer about it (yay for you! You can!) or you don't intend to and you want to read yammer (yay!) or you just like yammers (!) or you're going to spare yourself and will avoid clicking this "Keep reading"

I don't think my hot-take on the movie will be that interesting but skip ahead to the line if you want it; I'm just blagging here

I never did read the book, and as a Bible-belt USA-ian I don't live near much in the way of theater (and as an IRL introvert I don't have an easy time getting out of the house)

but I used to get real joy out of hitting the matinee quite often; I'd catch a Ghibli remake or a weird art film about once a month.

And then COVID hit and I haven't been to the theater since.

Until today, where I found myself walking with freedom at hand and whimsy in my heart. And Wicked seemed cool. I seem to like old-people music and Wicked is pretty old, so it felt like a good gamble. ...also I read literally all of L. Frank Baum once. I don't remember much. I wonder if I could do it again?

Anyway, I found myself at a theater. And as I'm kind of a country mouse, I struggled to even figure the place out. No humans nearby, and the movie "Queer" was also showing but no poster to explain what it was (I could have pulled out my smartphone but eh...I'd have had to kill an hour waiting for it to start, if I'd bought that ticket.)

So Wicked. For a noon-thirty showing there were only five other people in the theater; a pair of women in the front row, a guy in the row behind me, and a guy in the very back. And me. And the popcorn I got which...I arrived in the theater at precisely the time the film was to start, and then sat through a full half hour of advertisements for other films (why isn't Tom Cruise dead yet? Oh yeah; he's rich and has a captive stable of people to bleed the blood and souls from.)

And the last of the advertisements was for a sequel to a CGI-fur sequel to Lion King? So dumb; there's no emotive quality in having "The Incredible Journey" style photorealistic-animals-as-voiced-by-people. Even "The Incredible Journey" (not sure I watched the whole thing; it was on a TV at one point and I'd read the book in elementary school) probably only succeeded because it came out when videos of animals were a novelty and you could get excited about watching Rin-Tin-Tin or something.

Even though, as Rachel Lindt pointed out, the dang dog changed every few scenes (I haven't ever watched or read anything RinTinTin. I think I owned a tattered used Lassie book once.)

Anyway, to the movie

=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-==-=-=-===-==-=-=-=--==--==-=-=

If I ran things I'd put a lot of effort into making the first musical number be so arresting, be-hooked, and singable that...

Well probably people DO try. But dang if 'Ding Dong the Witch is Dead' isn't a banger, and I couldn't name two songs from Wicked 2024 now (mere hours after watching it) without long meditation. Hmm. ...okay, I could, but three is Right Out.

But it starts, after the obligatory dancing and singing about the woman's death

(My leading lover tells me that having to live as someone who can't be touched by water and therefore cannot easily bathe or easily enjoy the comfort of a bath or shower would be a big step toward becoming a bit standoffish and intolerant of the company of others. ...a reasonable point)

with the good witch (an elfishly thin hollywood blonde) doing the necessary of corroborating that yeah, The Witch is dead and celebrations are in order and now she needs to go powder her nose so they can continue without her

and you can tell she's not super enthused

and she almost makes her escape but someone asks her

"Wait, were you once her friend?"

and this leads into the flashback that is actually the movie.

(and probably the book)

The movie ends at what I think is the first act end so if this is a classic three-act --nope I websearched it Wicked is TWO acts--anyway the movie goes only to where our green-skinned friend becomes known as The Witch

and her green skin is not just real, it's important

(and see, green skin isn't really part of the Frank Baum books. It was invented for the movie and became such a part of culture that I think there's a chance--I'm not researching this for that you want EducatedEssaysEscobar or something--that maybe the Wicked musical becoming a cinema work was delayed by copyright nonsense about having a green-skinned witch)

because this story has a sprinkling of arguable diversity. Lots of the characters are black, a few are asian, one or two are "Hollywood fat", many are short, some are little people, exactly one is in a wheelchair,

oh, and there are talking sapient animals somewhat integrated into society

yet for some reason, when momma (who had an affair and it's hinted it was with Oz?) gives birth to her first child, the girl comes out green and everyone gasps in horror, fear, and even disgust. And daddy says to "take it away".

And the talking bear nursemaid (except probably she didn't do the nursing with bear teats but who knows?) takes care of young Alpheba (I guess that's her name; maybe the book explained it as a lazy take on "alphabet" like the nursemaid picked the first word in the abridged dictionary that seemed namelike?)

And then later her-father-the-mayor sires another daughter and mommy dies and the daughter grows to elementary school age but is alas handicapped (the only physically handicapped person in all of Oz as far as we know) (oh and all of this happens offscreen during a time skip) and now Alpheba (henceforth aka Emerelda or Eme) enthusiastically helps younger sister when possible but of course daddy still hates her.

Much later we find out that little sister's handicap and mommy's death (oh yeah; she died. We also find this out then) are because daddy had mommy OD on folk medicine for good birth so that he didn't give birth to another green girl.

Anyway, none of this matters. The story truly starts--with adult-sized Eme--on the first day of college. Little sister is gonna go to school. Eme's gonna go live in the woodshed forever. Little sister wants people to stop babying her and stop FUCKING TOUCHING her GODDAMN CHAIR. ...but at the last minute Daddy orders Eme to "help" little sister and for some reason Eme is dutiful (possibly guilt over inspiring daddy to push mommy to overdose) and this doesn't quite work

but actually? Now the movie is REALLY starting

because we are introduced to Skeleton Barbie!

No, that was unkind. She's very thin, very blonde, and very very PINK.

But that's all intentional and

anyway they have a meet-contempt

and then they flirt with ...I'm not sure I fit the phrase "toxic yuri"

but I am oversplaining

I went too long

shortening

Blondie leads a bullying campaign against Eme but it turns out Eme has magic powers.

And see, there are two teachers at this school.

A goat who teaches history. Some strong nods to censorship in classrooms are present for this part of the film. Because apparently talking animals have been subject to hate crimes and some of those crimes happen during this film, along with implied holocausts.

A sorceress. Played by whitehaired Michelle Yeoh.

Michelle Yeoh (Henceforth Miyo because I don't bother learning names) sees Eme's magic manifested (strong poltergeist) when someone starts dragging little sister (in wheelchair) to class against everyone's will.

And Blondie wanted to be teacher's pet but Eme's gonna get the role, so Blondie steps up when Miyo asks for a volunteer and ends up accidentally ceding part of her richgirl private suite to Eme so that Eme can attend school on a Miyo-scholarship.

So yeah, Blondie and Eme dislike each other and are stuck with each other and Blondie is automatically Popular and so ostracism/mockery/bullying-lite happens to Eme

And Miyo has contempt for Blondie but Blondie is too self-important and used to getting her own way to register it.

And meanwhile Goat teacher befrends Eme because Eme understands what it's like to be Different

Different

Given the somewhat-too-long-or-perhaps-not-to-my-taste musical dance numbers (I suspect I like musical numbers and I like watching dancing but merely tolerate musical dance? I am still figuring myself out) and the strongly-done-intentionally-unsubtle conflicts, I had some time to look away from the screen and ponder things

and I was trying to figure out the "Different" and if it was a specific theme or it it was just a theme.

Like, the presence of some "Hollywood Fat" actors, some Asian actors, and many little and black actors suggests to me that they're trying to make it be not about skin color or body type.

and while the only queerness I see so much as a hint of in this is the possible sapphic tension between Blondie and Eme (and I do not think there is much; I think it's a stretch and they're both written as heterosexual)

Soooooo neurodivergence?

That's all I've got. If we're gonna make this an allegory, I think that's it. Otherwise, I think they're really trying to avoid making an allegory and are trying to say "Different" because they mean "Different."

Which works.

Because I'm fucking weird. I've had decades to learn to pretend to be normal and I can mask and blend with the best of them

but it cracks and people are jerks and so I felt some of this in a way that wasn't pleasant

even though it was intentionally (IMHO) unsubtle

(I can't say hamhanded or hammy (a word that derives from using lard as cold-cream-makeup-remover I think and leaving a ham smell) or anything because I think that's a calumny and that if an ordinary story needs (and it does) three hints for every one the author intends the audience to catch, a campy musical needs "hints" to be "stomp stomp")

anyway

speaking of allegory

the talking-goat (Doolittle, I think was actually his name) professor is leading a sort of underground information network among other marginalized talking animals and Eme finds out about it and about their struggles

and she's horrified, but then even more horrified when on the second day of class with him (the first was cut short when hatecrime-grafitti was uncovered) he's arrested and dragged off by jackbooted thugs who don't want him teaching his woke history, and then the new guy shows up and starts teaching about how if you abuse talking animal babies enough they never start talking and isn't that great

and Eme snaps

and puts the room to sleep

Except for the guy

I didn't mention the guy

he's the male lead I guess.

He had a meet-contempt with her earlier when he almost ran her over with his horse

and he shows up to the library and start stomping on books and kicking them around and singing about how being dumb is the best way to be happy so college is stupid and they should all dance with and fuck him

and all the people there want to fuck him. This is the other gay thing in the movie I forgot, but everyone wants him

Except Eme

Except when she puts the classroom to sleep, he's the other one who doesn't fall asleep and so he helps her rescue the baby lion kitten from the torturecage the new evilteacher brought

and they have a romantic moment while they're releasing the kitten near a mountain stream

but she later sings that she can't touch him (henceforth Dude) because Blondie and Dude have a thing going on...so no hoping for the pretty guy

and I suspect that in the book she wasn't as into him as in this movie, but she's a little into him

but anyway Miyo stumbled across the sleeping classroom and thinks "Yay! My pet project is so cool I'm gonna write Oz about her!"

See we know that you can ask to meet Oz and he'll grant your wish if you're cool enough.

And Miyo got Eme an invitation.

Oh, and also Blondie and Eme became friends. ...because Blondie accidentally did a favor for Little Sis and Eme decided to force Miyo to let Blondie study sorcery. ...and Blondie realized that Eme was kind of badass a little? It's ambiguous, but Blondie seems to have a heart in there under all the privilege.

And so Eme drags Blondie off to Emerald City

and Oz is played by the Jeff Goldblum, who has been evil in 100% of his roles I think.

Yes, especially his role as "Doctor Chaos; releaser of dinosaurs"

so it's no surprise that when he points her at the book of DOOM

that she can read it and cast spells (whups; gave the enslaved monkeys wings!) and that he has been faking it for years

but she doesn't know that yet and when he offers to make her not be green she's like (earlier she sang a very transparent "I want" song about how she'd maybe like to not be fucking weird and instantly ostracized all the time) "That's sweet but actually could you do something about the hatecriming and genocide?"

and she finds out he has been bringing new and exciting ideas from the enlightened land of Omaha and that vilifying and marginalizing the animal peoples was his idea

oh and Miyo is his sidekick

and so blondie and Eme try to run away

and Eme tries to cast the monkeywings spell on herself but it fucks up and she just gets a flying broom

and Eme escapes and learns to fly but Blondie is stuck behind

and the flying monkeys are still slaves to Oz. Not sure how that'll change. Right now they're slaves because Oz has their families as hostages.

Well.

Anyway

yeah this is where we got "Intermission"

and I'm reminded of a Bob the Angry Flower strip, where Bob is happily reading 1984 and kicking his feet over the side of the bed and saying "Ahh Winston, how are you going to get out of this one?"

Or like a lover said as I started Red Dead Redemption 2: "We played the first game. This is a prequel. We know this is a tragedy."

...so...I'm kind of eager to watch the next movie, and kind of frustrated that I watched what amounts to half the story, and kind of feeling silly for signing on for a lowercase-t-tragedy

And I think the catchiest song is maybe the one at the end where Eme (I'm intentionally playing off of "Esme" from Discworld) sings about how she'll never know what's impossible for her until she tries and so she's gonna try defying gravity

or maybe it just stuck with me the longest because it's at the very end

Maybe the best song is "all you need to know is that you're better off knowing nothing" that was sung in the abused library around all the getting-mangled books

(not okay with that)

(They were hollywood books. The end credits should have had a scene saying "no books were harmed during the making of this film") but no.

(There's no stinger after the credits; I sat through them just in case)

Okay, the two main actresses? Blondie and Eme? They were pretty. darn. good. at. acting.

The songs? Forgettable. I just reviewed the list. Forgettable. IMO.

The story? Remains to be seen. Even as an origin story, it's not there; she's only been cast out and declared other at the end of the first film; she still hasn't committed to DOING anything.

Ultimately I don't advise you to avoid it but I cannot endorse anyone seek it out either.

And if I had it to do again I might wait until I had them both on DVD.

Or I might get the book and skip the movie entirely.

<shrug>

#HHH.txt #Wicked 2024 #wicked the movie #Wicked Spoilers #anti-wicked #not really but I'm trying to think of how I'd warn people I'm not being nice to their “comfort media”

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pendragonthegreat · 4 months ago

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okay so. i haven't made a real post about seeing dj in hollywood last week because it was really last minute that i decided to take the trip. and it was really different than when i saw him a few months ago (that i talked about here) and it was kind of crazy so i needed time to process it. i'm not going to put every detail in this post but i want to tell you guys the big thing that happened so here we go

the biggest difference between this event and creature feature was the amount of people there to see dj. there's probably more factors than the relative popularity of pendragon vs ayaotd (advertising, location, etc) but the difference was a lot. i mean there were maybe 4 other people who talked to him. which meant i talked to him for much much longer

i was determined to talk about stuff i hadn't heard dj talk about before but i also know at this point that dj is able to take control of the conversation and come up with stories to tell so i didn't really have a plan. so first of all he recognized me but i had to remind him from where. so then i had at admit that i am actually not from california and actually the entire opposite coast and he was so shocked. i showed him the pictures of my collection and i think that and the fact that i came from so far away has shattered any idea dj might have had that i'm a casual fan. but yeah he seemed flattered and not totally weirded out which i was a little nervous about

sooo we talked about pendragon of course—somehow got back onto book 10 (must every conversation about pendragon end up at the soldiers of halla somehow?) but as i said i didn't want to rehash old topics so i was like "you know when people talk about book 10 it always seems to be about either solara or the epilogue, but a lot of other stuff happened in that book" and he was like "you know what? you're right!" so we talked about spader and nevva and the general adventure in book 10 YAYYYY

we talked about sylo and the sylo movie and he told me some more about why they didn't go through with making the movie. basically the scripts were bad. i can say more detail if anyone cares. and then we talked about f29d which i think he was excited about because people don't talk to him about that show as much so i heard a few stories i've never heard before! the biggest thing was that the production of f29d was much closer to lost than i thought—both in terms of the crew and literally, physically, the filming locations were basically on the same beach. he told me sometimes they would go and steal props from lost (lmao) and they kept the lost airplane wreck and the f29d wreck in the same hangar!

okay enough rambling VVV THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART VVV

we started talking about his new book (if you don't know, his next book is going to be a continuation of the last story in Beyond Midnight) and i was saying i'm excited to read it and i'll be sure to look out for it. he said the book is written but he's not sure yet if he's going to self-publish it or not. then he told me this: that just for me, because i came from so far away and was a huge fan, he would send ME the manuscript for the book early. holy shit lol i can still hardly believe it. but i'm telling you this so you know dj really is such a nice guy. he talked to me for so long and he did not have to give me anything but it's such a wonderful special gift to have. :)

anyway the book did just have a sticker on the cover. but it's doubly special now with dj's second signature and personalization :D

#pendrabbles #dj #no other tags this is for true pendragonthegreat fans

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airiat · 2 years ago

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writerly thumbprint challenge~

rules: look back on your work, both past and present, finished and unfinished. what are five (or more!) narrative elements, themes, topics or tropes that continuously pop up in your work?

tagged by the distinguished @mareenavee, tagging @banjotea @mongoose-bite @obsidianshadow & anyone else who sees this and is down--tag me!

in particular order: fate, trauma, romance, figurative language, kurt vonnegut(?)

fate

always, always always. it's all i write about. different shades, different depictions, but that's what it comes down to. i'm obsessed. i'm obsessed with the idea that the world could bend itself to bring people who need each other together. what that looks like, what that means, how it falls apart--that's what i live to write.

2. trauma

everyone has it. why would i not write about it? but maybe that's just the psychologist in me. usually, i keep the actual trauma in the past. i write the recovery. i tend to like to spin the most convoluted, fucked up situation i can possibly think of, then work my way back out of it. what would it take for this character to heal? that's what i write.

3. romance

maybe this is not so unique and too broad. i have this yearning to experience every single manifestation of love, but unless i somehow become immortal, that's impossible. it's even impossible to achieve in writing. so, i just write what's otherworldly and entirely unachievable.

lmnit is about two literal chosen ones falling in love; ap&nd is about two people loving each other for literal hundreds of years and shepherding in a new world together, which becomes folklore; awfw is about someone who was literally created to love this one specific person. i suppose northern sky is the mundane outlier, but that one's more just for me anyway.

maybe i'll eat my words somewhere down the line, but i cannot imagine ever writing anything other than romance.

4. figurative language

"who cares if the curtains are blue? that doesn't mean anything!"

yes, it does. for me, it does. well, maybe not the curtains, but most of everything else. i'm heavy, heavy, heavy on metaphor and symbolism. i've always been detail-oriented. it's fun to me to string together a collection of little, significant details to paint the big picture. i'm pointillism. everything has to serve a purpose, to mean something. maybe things are missed by a reader, sometimes. that's okay. maybe they'll get it in the next read, maybe it infiltrated the quiet, hidden part of their mind and they don't realize except to have a whole understanding. but maybe it's misinterpreted. that's okay, too. i account for that. i encourage that. you'll see what you want to see, and get out of it what you need to. i'm just painting my little dots on a canvas.

5. kurt vonnegut?

this one's a little murky to me. i read a few of his books in high school, which was a while ago. slaughterhouse five and cat's cradle were chiefly among them, but there may have been a third or even a fourth. i'd have to read them to be reminded, but i haven't done that yet except for slaughterhouse five. i was going through a time when i thought i had to read widely lauded authors to be taken seriously as a writer. now, i don't care. every single bit of writing has merit. but, then, i would say that i enjoy reading vonnegut. and i would say it just like that: vonnegut. baby, you were 15 years old. it's not that deep. anyway, i'll call him kurt vonnegut now and i'll say it with this gentle sort of affection like he's my grandfather, my predecessor, because i'm fairly certain--i feel it as flicker of kinship in something i hadn't read in ten years--that many of my more metaphysical concepts were born from his. without even realizing it. but i'll need to do a little more investigating on this one.

#my posts #my writing

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smokedust · 2 months ago

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I'm not sure if this play was planned in advance, but it's clear that the person who planned it was a pervert.

"I think I've seen enough of the closet."

Even though she was this far behind, she still haven't found the most important piece of evidence.

As with the other floors, her top priority is to find the "fragment of Sarah's diary" that could be a clue to the case.

Maybe it's in the bookshelf. Sarah turned her eyes to the large bookshelf filled with books.

[System: Starting the search of the 'Holy Bookshelf'.]

Perhaps because it was a 'purification room', unlike 'Sarah's room', which was full of obscene adult novels, it was filled with religious books that were not at all her taste.

Perhaps Marquis Abbott created both the chapel and this room in the hope that his daughter would come to her senses a little.

'Let's pick out the titles that seem relevant one by one.'

Anyway, the items that provide clues to the game were set up so that a system window would pop up the moment Sarah picked them up.

Sarah spotted a title that caught her eye and promptly pulled it out.

[System: Do you want to see the item 'Night of the Unholy Temple'?

>Yes/No]

As expected, that's right. This was something that had to be taken out from the beginning. In this holy bookshelf, this is a title that stands out to anyone, right?

It was a book that was completely different in purpose, even though the religious material was similar.

As she opened the book, a note fell out.

[System: You have acquired the item 'Sarah Abbott’s Reflection Paper'.]

A reflection paper? She remembered that Sarah had written a reflection paper every day while she was in seclusion at the temple.

Knowing that this had caused Sebastian quite a headache, she read it out of curiosity, and the content was quite impressive.

[To the High Priest.

This is the novel that has impressed me the most lately.

The relationship between the priest and the believer is so close. I feel my faith growing even stronger.

I've been reading a lot lately. If you have any books like this, please recommend them!

Reading is good, but it's not as enjoyable as seeing High Priest in your priestly robes.

If you don't mind, let's pray together. I'll be waiting naked in the prayer room.

- From Sarah Abbott, who is still undressing.]

It was an outrageous content that could not be found even if one looked for reflection.

She knew that she had written down the lyrics of obscene songs, but she had been so creative in her seduction and torment.

Somehow, it wasn't much different from the way she had been trying so hard to bring him down.

'Seeing that Sebastian still has the 'virgin' keyword, it means he didn't fall for it and endured it.'

If he had received such a reflection paper every day, it must have been a hardship for him in many ways.

"...Damn it."

Was this what it means to be embarrassed by other’s behaviour? Her face flushed at Sarah Abbott’s misdeeds.

She put 'Sarah's Reflection Paper' in her inventory and closed the book.

'I still haven't found the diary.'

It seemed that more searching was needed.

As she scanned the bookshelf intently, Sarah discovered a note with no title in the far corner.

[System: Do you want to read the item 'Sebastian Klein's Faith Journal'?

>Yes/No]

Faith journal. For now, it seemed relevant, so it would be good to take a look.

After she selected 'Yes', she began to read it.

As it was literally a journal, there wasn't much content. It was just a simple list of things to do and plans for the day. That was all.

However, since there was still something to find, Sarah continued her search. As she rummaged through it, a small piece of note that had been tucked inside his faith journal fell out.

[System: You have acquired the item 'Young Sarah's Diary Fragment'.]

Yes, that's it.

She was wondering when it would come out. Actually, what Sarah had been looking for from the beginning was a fragment of her diary.

[I went to the temple today.

While Father was talking to the high priest, a young priest spilled wine on my dress.

It was specially made at the Leblanc Boutique.

I was annoyed that my favorite dress was ruined, but I felt sorry for him when he cried like a poor puppy, so I just said it was my mistake.

He was such a pitiful child. Even though he was a priest, he was so young. How unlucky that he made a mistake with the daughter of the biggest sponsor. Doesn't God take care of him?

He was so skinny that he looked like he hadn't eaten a decent meal, and he was covered in bruises. Where would you hit such a small child?

I think it was probably the work of that sinister-looking high priest. That bastard only cares about money. He's just disgusting.

If I were Father, I wouldn't donate to a place with such a disgusting bastard.

I guess he has a lot of money left. I'm an only daughter, so I have to take responsibility and work hard to save it.]

To take the blame for a young priest's mistake. She was surprised to see this side of Sarah Abbott.

'Is she nicer than I thought?'

It seemed that she had shown mercy that did not fit her notoriety on that day.

'Of course, the last line was typical of Sarah Abbott, saying that she would work hard to save money.'

Sarah smiled and was about to close the faith journal when a system window popped up.

[System: Do you want to check 'High Priest's Memo' from 'Sebastian Klein's Faith Journal'?

>Yes/No]

If they hadn't told her, she would have just passed it by. It must have been some necessary information.

Sarah selected 'Yes'. The page where the diary fragment had just been inserted was shining.

[Things to do today]

It seemed to be a memo of things that Sebastian had to do. Judging from the date, it was only a few days different from the date Sarah had submitted her reflection paper.

- Find books on demons or exorcism in the library.

It seemed that this was an area he had been interested in for a long time. Perhaps that was why his eyes had lit up when Sarah brought up the story of the demons.

- Make a priest's robe at the Leblanc Boutique.

Leblanc Boutique, is that the high-end boutique mentioned in Sarah's diary?

‘Something about the priest's robe didn't seem quite right.’

It was good, though. Sebastian in the priest's robe looked like a masterpiece crafted by God.

‘Still, it's a bit too luxurious for a priest.’

He was usually so frugal and honest, so she hadn't expected him to be fitted at such a high-end boutique. It gave her a strange sense of dissonance.

"Oh, my head."

Her head throbbed from absorbing so much information at once. Sarah scanned the inventory list again.

[System: Results of searching the 'Purification Room' on the 2nd floor]

- Suspicious items prepared in advance by someone (sacred objects, costume set).

- Sarah’s letter of reflection submitted to Sebastian (obscene letter).

- Sebastian's notes (evil spirits, books on exorcism, and high-end boutiques).

- A fragment of Sarah’s diary (about a young priest).

She seemed to have gathered as much information as she could for now, but when she tried to turn the doorknob to leave, it still wouldn't budge.

Was there somewhere she hadn't checked yet?

"I haven't looked in the bathroom yet."

It seemed like there was something left in the bathroom.

As she approached the tightly closed bathroom door, Sarah sensed a suspicious presence inside.

[System: Starting search of 'Bathroom'.]

She carefully opened the door and saw a figure sitting in the bathtub.

[System: You have discovered where 'Sebastian Klein' was hiding.]

Her heart skipped a beat at the unexpected system prompt, but Sarah held her breath.

"...Ugh, sob..."

Sebastian was sitting in the bathtub, his face flushed red as he cried.

'Why is he crying?'

He was definitely crying. Thick tears were rolling down his pale cheeks, visible even from here.

He was rubbing his cheeks with a handkerchief, as if trying to wipe away his tears.

His body was shaking so much as he sobbed that the water in the bathtub was rippling and overflowing.

"Huff, Sarah."

Of all people, he was calling her name.

'Is he crying because of me?'

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allylikethecat · 5 months ago

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Omg! Hey Ally how are you??! I swear life just gets in the crazy sometimes! Can’t believe i missed a talk shop Tuesday!!! Anyway, I’ve gotten over my illness since the last time I sent an ask and then I just got absolutely slammed at work and all of the sudden it’s Thursday and I hadn’t opened Tumblr at all??

Ok so let’s talk ATKH: I’m literally so sad our last chapter (not sure if epilogue is going to be posted at the same time as the “last chapter”) is actually TOMORROW! I also kind of can’t believe we’ve been here for 23ish weeks!! It’s genuinely flown by so quick. My god. The reality check that George got was more than a slap in the face. It was a punch, stomp, assassination, everything. Ross being the one to enlighten George was also crazy. I know Ross was friends with George first and he still loves him but damn I also wonder how many other people know what went down and if they also are siding with Matty. This story being just from Georges POV has been super cool but I’m also like itching to know what Matty is thinking about all of this!! I need them to talk or fight it out, I don’t even care if they get back together I just NEED closure!!! I also need Sally safe and sound preferably with Matty but if not then I want Carly to have her lol

Do you think you’ll ever write snippets of ATKH from Matty’s POV? Also do you think you’d ever delve into his backstory more since we all know about The Accident but the rest of his story is just alluded to? If not that’s valid but it would definitely be interesting!

🥤

AHHH Hello My Dear Smoothie Anon!! I am so deeply sorry that I took so long to reply to this lovely lovely ask that you took the time to send me! I'm so happy to hear that you're feeling better and hope you were able to get through work being super busy! Hopefully it's calmed down some!

Thank you so much for reading and for the kind words about ATKH!! I debated a lot about who should give Fictional!George the reality check - early drafts had it as both Fictional!Carly at one point and Fictional!Charli at another. BUT Fictional!Ross felt right? Like that was Fictional!George's BOY and now he's like umm dude wtf I hope you enjoyed the final chapter and the epilogue! I know I had a lot of fun writing them even though I 100% cried because I was sad it was over. This was the first fic I've written where I've fully managed to stay in one POV and it's something I really like about this fic since like... Fictional!George is such an unreliable narrator lol

At this point I don't have any plans to write anything more in this universe BUT Maybe one day I'll write some snippets or a prequel from Fictional!Matty's POV about what things were like before he came to Dirty Hit (His relationship with his mother, his relationship with the jockey that worked for his dad, how toxic his time in New Jersey was...) BUT if anyone has any specific questions about different headcanons my DMs are always open to discuss lol

Thank you SO MUCH for reading and being so lovely and sending me this wonderful ask! I'm sorry again for continuing to be so slow in responding to asks, real life has been real life-ing and I've been spending my free "computer time" writing instead of on Tumblr RIP. (Also... one of my mutuals, you know who you are because we talked about it! Recommended this book series to me and it has had me in such a chokehold I haven't been able to like... do anything else. Life is literally work, write, and read these books at the moment lol) BUT thank you so much for the continued support!! I hope your Tuesday is going well and that you have a great rest of your week!

❤️Ally

#allylikethecat #ask ally #anon ask #keep it kind #fanfiction #gatty #matty fic #fanfic #questions #equestrian au #all the king's horses #atkh #smoothie anon #🥤 anon #🥤#im sorry for being so offline lately

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dirtydragonthoughts · 8 months ago

Text

I've now finished Part 2 of Exiles.

I am so angry about this book. I'm not really mad that someone got paid to write this; I'm over that. I'm now mad that a) someone got paid to edit this book (maybe? Maybe no one did get paid for that, and that's why it's Like This), and b) there are some good little worldbuilding nuggets in here, but they are completely drowned out by the awful prose.

Ok, onto my thoughts about Part 2, behind the cut.

I'm not going to do a specific review of the plot or anything; suffice it to say that this book is a VERY mid MacGuffin quest story (and actually it's now become a two-fer MacGuffin quest, where they're now looking for TWO things). This is just the things that jumped out at me while I was reading, or things that made me stop and go "what the actual fuck."

I'll start with the good! Junkion is actually a pretty cool concept in this book. It's described as a planetoid made entirely out of junk (mostly old spaceships). There is some vague mentions that pirates abandoned their plundered ships here, and they eventually accreted into Junkion, but that doesn't make a huge amount of sense? Why would you bother hauling a stripped ship halfway across the galaxy just to dump it in a specific place? Space is BIG. Just leave it where you captured it. Anyway, there's a scene where Optimus digs down to the center of the planet and finds a VERY old ship. The viewscreen had been busted in by the pressure of the junk outside the ship, but the interior of the ship itself was in good shape. Anyway, I loved the visual idea of that, digging down through debris and finding intact ships down there. Very neat. Prowl also investigates some of these ships, and it's a nice little view into the depth of Cybertronian history.

Oh, Optimus. He has no agency in this book. He is getting hauled around from plot point to plot point by the Matrix, just as if he was on a leash. Go here. Look at that. Pick that up. Go over there. Et cetera. There's a line "He didn't ask any questions, he just went. The Matrix guided him, as it always had." I mean, why even put the Matrix in a living bot at this point? Why not just install it in a drone?

Characterizations and reactions to things continue to be bizarre. For example, when the Autobots first arrive at Junkion, no one really wants to go down to it. (It looks like a dump, so fair.) But Jazz announces he would rather do maintenance instead of going down to the planet. So Optimus assigns a different team, headed by Hound. Then Jazz gets all butthurt and asks if this means he's getting demoted. Jazz. You literally just asked not to go down to the surface. You're getting what you wanted. What is your problem? The sassing continues for another full page. Complete filler, for no reason other than for Jazz to bitch, and then it's never brought up again.

We get our first scene with the Decepticons, who were all knocked unconscious by some kind of space bridge whatever. During the course of this scene, we do a LOT of POV head-hopping, which I hate. We go from Starscream's thoughts to Megatron's, to Thundercracker, back to Megatron, back to Thundercracker, and finally back to Starscream. OMG, just pick someone's view point to describe the scene from! (On the other hand, we see that the "command trine" is now Thundercracker, Skywarp, and Slipstream!)

Oh, and Soundwave (who took a vow of silence, remember that from the first book) has a line of dialogue that's basically just "Yeah, me too." 🤷‍♀️

I LOL'd at the scene were Prowl and Silverbolt are investigating a dead body. Prowl was there because he had previously investigated murders when he was law enforcement on Cybertron. Silverbolt was there because he'd watched a lot of cop shows on TV. No, I'm not kidding:

At the end of this part, Optimus decides that the dangerous mission he's about to embark on needs Sideswipe and Ratchet. He wishes he could take Bumblebee, but because of Bee's voicebox issues he decides that's a bad idea because communication that was clear and quick could be important. Literally one page later he forgets all of that invites Bee on the mission.

And when I was talking about the writing, here's an example:

I've shown this to a few people who've written fic and they all agreed: wtf is this sentence even.

While out for a walk today, Spouse and I workshopped a rewrite of this. Breaking it into multiple sentences would make it MUCH more clear and help with the readability. There are lots of ways this could be rewritten, but here's a (very fast, off the cuff) rewrite on how it could be fixed up.

The Autobots put the Ark in a parking orbit over what appeared to be a population center. The only thing that made this point on the planet stick out from any other point on the surface was the larger concentration of Spark signals the Ark's sensors could identify.

In this sample, I kept most of the same wording, and I even maintained the "focus" of the paragraph being the Autobots sticking their ship in orbit.

A more vigorous rewrite (pulling in things from the paragraphs around it) might be something like:

The surface of Junkion was nearly uniform, with any given point appearing to be nearly indistinguishable from any other point. However, at one particular point the Ark identified a larger collection of Spark signals, and the onboard systems determined this may be a population center. Optimus ordered the Ark to be placed into a parking orbit over that point, in the hopes that they could find out who was in charge on this planet.

(Incidentally, picking a passage of a book or article and rewriting it in your own style is a very valid writing exercise that I encourage everyone to try once in a while.)

On to Part 3.

I'm finally getting around to reading Transformers: Exiles and

omg. It is so bad. Like, bad on multiple levels.

I read Transformers: Exodus a few years ago. It was... OK. Definitely not a great work of literature, and there were some "huh" moments in it, but it was fine. But now I'm starting on the next book. I didn't look at the TFWiki entry for Exiles until last night, but just the Errors section is absolutely sending me. (The idea that the book was panic rewritten by Hasbro just before publication would explain a LOT of the issues I'm seeing.)

As someone who loves the franchise, it physically hurts that this guy was paid to write this. It is completely phoned in. Now, I'm sure he was writing on spec, and was probably handed an outline or specific plot points/characters that needed to be included, but even with that limitation it could have been a LOT better.

Anyway I'm going to jot down some of my impressions in this thread because I want to make sure I remember why I didn't like this book, years down the road when I see the book still sitting on my bookshelf. (If I even keep it, that is up for debate.) I'll even keep away from the things mentioned in the Error section of the wiki entry, since that's low-hanging fruit.

(If you enjoyed this book I'm glad for you, but I am down to just hate-reading it now. Sorry about that.)

Impressions will be behind cuts in case you don't want to spoil yourself for this masterpiece. XD

I've finished Part 1 and some of the things that stuck with me have been:

There's a thing in fiction writing that's often bandied about, how you should show and don't tell. It's hard to explain to new authors what this means, and why it's a bad thing. Well, this book has about a million examples. Instead of showing how a character is feeling, it just tells us. Optimus was stressed. Optimus was worried. Prowl was irritated.

Related to the showing/telling thing, this book loves just giving a laundry list of things that happen, regardless of how important it is. For example, we got a whole paragraph on what happened after a race on Velocitron. None of these details mattered to the story in any way, but we still got a whole half page of detail about it:

We got a multi-page scene of Prowl cultivating an informant. He gets named (Armco). A few chapters later Prowl brings him in saying "Here's someone who can keep his mouth shut" and then IMMEDIATELY someone tries to blow up the Ark, and Armco falls out of the plot, never to be seen again. RIP Armco, we never knew ya.

Weird character note: The Autobots show up on Velocitron and discover there's a schism in the leadership there, with factions forming on both sides. While the Autobots are preparing to leave the planet, the "bad" leader says something relatively innocuous to Optimus, who then punches the Velocitronian in the face. This sets off a giant battle between the two factions, whereupon the Autobots dip and go through the space bridge. Brilliant.

More when I finish part 2.

#piper reads exiles #transformers: exiles #maccadam

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snowbatsims · 2 years ago

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VAMPIRE INTERMISSION #1

Let's see what these immortal dorks have been up to since the last time I was posting about their shenanigans.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE: So this will be a soft continuation of the previous vampire shenanigans I used to post here! You don't need to have read them, it has mostly been played as a vampire sitcom anyway, but the past events of that game are still canon to this world.

Don't worry though, I'll provide enough context for you to know what's going on. See, sometimes I wanna play my vampires too, and since they're immortal they'll always exist alongside the legacy :3 ]

Without further ado, let's look into whatever they're up to at the given moment.

Rune has been keeping up his piano skills.

Einarr has been relearning his knitting and embroidery. totally not because i haven't really played in this savefile since before they introduced these skills to the game, nooo

Morten.... decided to quit their job at the culinary career. They had been promoted a bit too much, forcing them to work in the daytime hours, which... obviously doesn't work for him anymore. Due to the whole vampire thing and all.

Meanwhile, Bat just slept through the entire day, as vampires sometimes do, especially ones with day phobia. You'll see him later.

-------

LATER.......

While Einarr was gone fishing at his night job, the younger three decided to go check up on the kid they raised once:

Kvikindi, the alien-vampire.

MORTEN: hiiiii so good to see you again!! KVIKINDI: what's up!!! MORTEN: the- KVIKINDI: .... and don't say the ceiling. MORTEN: you know me too well

Since the last time we saw her, she has gone to college, she has gotten married to Lilith Pleasant, moved to Forgotten Hollow, and now they have two kids. That's all the context you need.

It has been a few years.

CARMILLA: i don't remember ever seeing you around here. BAT: yeah. CARMILLA: that's it? that's all you've got to say? BAT: yeah

MORTEN: so this is one of your kids? KVIKINDI: sure is. kanaya, this is mort, say hello! KANAYA: hewwo KVIKINDI: are you trying to look human again? MORTEN: ??? KVIKINDI: it's fine, uncle morty is safe~ KVIKINDI: you can show your true self

KVIK: see! isn't she adorable? MORT: "uncle morty"..??? KVIK: well yeah. you don't exactly pass for a grandpa. MORT: grandpa??? oh jeesh. have i already been a vampire for this long?? how old am i even...

MORT: i could have sworn i only became a vampire last year. i'm still in my early twenties... KVIKINDI: nice try! i'm in my late twenties. MORT: what

MORT: man, the passage of time is weird.

MORT: she's so adorable though!! so small and green.... MORT: i didn't know you decided to read homestuck though. KVIK: huh? MORT: you didn't? KVIK: i just named her after myself. that's my middle name. MORT: ....oh my god. this is my fault. KANAYA: weh MORT: you wanna go back on the floor? sure thing.

KANAYA: 😂 MORTEN: should i read you a little book? KANAYA: bah!! KVIKINDI: alright, i trust you to entertain her somehow. i gotta-

KVIKINDI: crap. it's already happeŇƗŇǤ,

MORTEN: wait, what's... oh no.

MORTEN: OH NO............... KVIKINDI: β€ΔỮŦ¥β€ΔỮŦ¥β€ΔỮŦ¥β€ΔỮŦ¥β€ΔỮŦ¥β€ΔỮŦ¥

MORTEN: WHAT!! i thought we cured you!!! we literally went through all of that back in strangerville some time ago, hey-- RUNE QUIT PLAYING RUNE: huh? MORTEN: KVIKKI'S BEEN POSSESSED AGAIN RUNE: wait, what???

RUNE: kvikindi? you there? not this again...

KVIKINDI: ŞỮβΜƗŦ ŦØ ΜØŦĦ€Ř ¥ØỮ ŴƗŁŁ RUNE: OH HELL NO.

KVIKINDI: ΜØŦĦ€Ř Ş€€Ş ΔŁŁ. ΜØŦĦ€Ř ƗŞ ĦΔƤƤ¥ ŦØ Ş€€ ¥ØỮ RUNE: i can't believe i have to get you another cure. how did this happen??? i thought we killed the mother plant???? KVIKINDI: βƗŦ€βƗŦ€βƗŦ€βƗŦ€βƗŦ€βƗŦ€ RUNE: actually, i should go ask your wife, maybe she knows. KVIKINDI: ŦĦ€ ƤŁΔŇ€ Ø₣ ĆŘΔŞĦ ŞΜ€ŁŁŞ ŁƗҜ€ ƤƗŞŞ Ø₣ ĐØǤŞ MORTEN: ... and i should distract the child.

CONTINUE ->

#my sims #vampire intermissions #gameplay #god dammit i can't have more than 30 pictures in one post 😔😔😔#i wanted to fit this whole visit into one post but i guess not!!!

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midgardianweasley · 4 years ago

Text

The Royal Ball

Loki laufeyson x Fem!reader

Summary: There is an Asgard ball being hosted in the palace, Y/N is yet to find a date to accompany her. She’s disappointed when a certain God doesn’t ask her, however, what happens when he sees someone else getting a little too close for comfort throughout the night?

Warnings: lil bit angsty, self doubt, JEALOUS LOKI, fluffy ending

Word Count: 3.3k

Message/ask if you’d like to be added to the taglist!

Requests are open loves <3

Y/F/N - Your Friend’s Name

It was a beautiful autumn’s day, crisp brown leaves were falling off of the large trees in the courtyard and scattering the cobbled ground. Loki and I had been wandering around for some time now, discussing everything from the books we’ve been reading to the dreams that have come to us in our sleep.

“And then this huge ghost thing was chasing me around the halls! and if that wasn’t weird enough, you popped up-”

“Ah, seeing me in your dreams are we, darling?” Loki chuckled, taking great pleasure at the fact that he had made an appearance in my subconscious, completely ignoring my distress at being chased by a supernatural being.

“Funny you should say that, right after seeing you, I woke up. The sight must’ve given me quite the scare.” I scoffed, a smile unable to stop itself from making its way onto my face, eyes meeting his, face etched with shock. With a hand to his chest, he spoke again in disbelief.

“You have truly offended me, love. I never knew you had this side to you.”

“What can I say? I’m a woman of many talents.” I winked, nudging his side slightly with my elbow.

“Really? Can you produce illusions?”

“No.”

“Look inside other people’s heads?”

“Well, no, but-”

“Turn yourself into a snake to scare your eight year old brother?”

“I still can’t believe you did that”

“My greatest achievement yet.” He smirked, the memory never failing to amuse him.

His stories always had me in awe of his capabilities, even if it was to give his brother a long-term fear, it was still an incredible talent. Whenever he tells me of his latest adventures or tricks, I always think of how well his title fits him. God of Mischief. Maybe that’s why I liked him much more than what a best friend should, not that I'd ever admit it. Not to him anyway.

We soon found ourselves standing next to one of the windows of the hallway, the crystal clear glass giving a beautiful view of the city of Asgard. From here, you could see the Queen’s gardens, full of flowers in all different colours and types, grass cut to perfection. You could see the families in the town, walking around the different buildings, children playing. It was lovely to watch, seeing everyone enjoy the seasonal weather and the light bounce off of the windows, it was ethereal.

“I never get tired of this.” I sighed, voice only slightly above a whisper

“Tired of what, love?”

“Just, this. This view, this kingdom, it’s incredible.” I looked up at Loki, trying to see if he was seeing the same beauty that I did. He was already looking at me when I met his eyes and upon seeing the way they sparkled, I assumed he did.

“Actually, speaking of the Kingdom, I have something to tell you. There’s-”

Abruptly stopping him from continuing his sentence, voices were heard from the other end of the hallway, though we couldn’t make out the words until they came closer. We gave each other a quick look of confusion before turning to see where the commotion was coming from, hearing the quick and heavy footsteps before being able to put names to the faces.

“Loki! Y/N!” A deep voice bellowed. Was that Thor making all of that noise?

Before I could process any more information, a blur of a pastel pink dress was in my face and hands were placed on my shoulders. I smiled down at the slightly out of breath figure using me as a support stand, it was Y/F/N.

“Wow, Y/F/N, you sound much different than when I spoke to you yesterday, did you drink something funny?” I chuckled, receiving a glare from my friend and a quiet laugh from the God beside me. Thor soon appeared next to Y/F/N, hands on his hips and head thrown back as he tried to compose himself.

“My God, Y/F/N, you run fast.” He pants.

“Care to tell us why you’re both running like madmen through the palace?” Loki speaks, one eyebrow raised in curiosity and what looked a little like concern.

“We..had to..tell you..there’s a ball..next week.” Y/F/N spoke, a bit more stable now, but still in between breaths.

I felt my eyes widen, a ball? I didn’t know Asgard held balls.

“Father is opening up the palace next week to neighbouring kingdoms, in hopes to be closer with them, open Asgard up to more trade opportunities, build relationships and whatnot.” Thor explained, emitting a loud sigh to come from Loki.

“I was just about to tell her, brother. Thank you for interrupting.” He rolled his eyes, half joking, half serious. I reached up and patted his shoulder gently, a small smile on my face.

“Maybe next time Lok” He nodded in response, I didn’t get a chance to comfort him much more before I was being pulled away by Y/F/N. With a small huff of surprise, I gave Loki a glance, silently apologising for our conversation being cut short, receiving a shake of his head in reply, affirming me to not worry about it.

“So.” she begins. “We need to find you a date and a dress. I’m thinking blue. I’m wearing purple so it’s probably best to avoid that one. Hmm. let’s see..oh! I know! we could- Y/N? You listening?” I snapped my head around, not missing the sly smile that was plastered all over my friend’s face.

“Y/F/N, don’t-”

“Loki! He has to be your date. You could wear green and match! If he’s even going to wear green, I'm sure I can get Thor to find out, I assume they’ll get ready together. And black accessories! I have so many ideas.” She clapped her hands, over-excited about the opportunity to plan this evening for us. Except for one minor detail.

“That sounds great, Y/F/N, it sounds wonderful, you’re just missing something.”

“Missing something? Oh, if you mean our hair then i’ve already-”

“No, not our hair. Loki hasn’t asked me, and I doubt he will.” I spoke, the second half coming out more as a whisper, my heart dropping a little at the thought. He’d never really expressed having those kinds of feelings for me and I'd always seen him be close with different girls around the palace, he’ll probably ask one of them.

“He might ask you, you never know what’s around the corner.”

“I guess so, we’ll have to wait and see.”

And that was the last we spoke of it before she went into full planner mode again, while I continued to ponder over all of the thoughts running through my head. I mean, he could ask me, right?

--------------------------

He didn’t.

After talking about it with Y/F/N, I had a glimmer of hope that maybe I was wrong, maybe I hadn’t noticed something that she had, that Loki would approach me and ask me to be his company for the evening.

I spent the next couple of days with him, hoping he would ask me, everytime a pause would appear in conversation, maybe he was finally going to do it. And everytime, a little bit of the hope I had, had fizzled out.

I’d even considered other reasons as to why he hadn’t asked, maybe the King didn’t want him and Thor to have dates so that they could mingle with members of the other kingdoms. Of course that theory had flown right out one of the Palace’s windows when Y/F/N told me that Thor was going to be her date. I was right then, he wasn’t wanting to go with me.

I guess I understood, I’m the best friend, we’d always been that. I think a part of me just thought that maybe he, like me, wanted something a little more. Clearly, I was mistaken.

Y/F/N and I had been getting ready for a while now, our hair was styled to perfection, our dresses were on and both of us were fully accessorized. We were looking at ourselves in the mirror, doing spins and curtseys and gushing over how good the other looked.

“You look amazing tonight, Y/N, really. Loki is missing out.”

“Thank you, and I'm sure his date is beautiful.” I spoke, fidgeting with the fabric of my dress, trying to avoid the subject and the twisting knot in my stomach at the thought of him with someone else all night. “You look incredible! You were right to pick purple, it’s definitely your colour.”

“Y/N’s right, you look gorgeous.” Thor declared, leaning against the doorway sporting a black suit and a dark purple tie, the perfect match with his date’s dress. I could feel my eyes light up when seeing how happy the simple, yet effective comment had made Y/F/N. Rushing over, she engulfed Thor in a hug before leaning up slightly and giving him a peck on the cheek.

“Ah and can’t forget, Y/N, you look stunning tonight.” He gestured to me, arm almost scanning me up and down.

“Stop, you’ll make me blush.” I laughed. “You both head off, I’ll catch up.”

“Are you sure? We don’t mind waiting?” Y/F/N questioned.

“Don’t be silly. You guys go on ahead, I'll meet you there.”

With a nod and a wave, they were off. They really did look like a perfect match tonight. I continued to look at myself in the mirror, fixing any stray hairs, flattening any kinks in my dress. Realistically, I was probably trying to prolong leaving for as long as I could. I was excited, but I was turning up on my own while everyone else had someone, it was a bit nerve-wracking. I still wanted to look my best though.

“Stop trying to convince yourself that you look good, you could literally blow an army of men away by looks alone.” A voice spoke, I spun to see who was speaking, the flash of green was enough to decipher who it was.

“You look lovely tonight, darling.” He grinned, the pet name had set off butterflies in my stomach.

“Thank you. As do you.”

“Well, I did put in an effort, nice to know it’s appreciated.” He joked, a breathy laugh left my lips, entertained by his words.

“Yes, well, I'm sure plenty of others will too.”

“The eyes will never leave me, I'm sure. Unless they’re on you, then I'd be surprised if I get even so much as a glimpse in my direction. Someone is a very lucky guy tonight, that’s for sure.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked, confused by his statement.

“Well, they get to be beside you all evening, it’s a beautiful view.” He winked.

It could’ve been you, I thought. I knew he was joking, however that didn’t stop the fire in me from igniting.

“I could say the same for you, someone is a very lucky girl.”

“I’ll be sure to let her know if she ever thinks otherwise.” Joking, again.

So he had asked someone. Albeit disappointed, I'm happy he’s happy. Though I still wish I was the girl in question, I couldn't stop him if he was interested in someone else. That wasn’t fair.

Giving him a brief nod and a tight lipped smile, I picked up the front of my dress a little bit and made my way out of the room and downstairs to the ball. I could still enjoy myself, the night is young, I've got this.

------------------

“It was crazy! And let me tell you, my dad was so angry with me. He didn’t let me serve Turkey again after that year.” Charlie, a guy that I had met an hour or so ago, finished his story of the Christmas horror he had, allowing me to relax for the first time that evening. Up until now, it had felt like all I’d seen was either happy couples, or stares from across the room. Usually the second and usually Loki. The same Loki who had a girl’s arm linked with his and was looking at him like he held the world in his grasp. I broke the gaze, finding it difficult to look at the pair for any longer, as I turned back to Charlie so he could have my attention again, a lazy smile was present as he took a sip of his wine.

“I don’t blame him, really, it sounds like you started a riot!” I exclaimed, sending us both into a full on belly laugh, thinking back to the story. This continued for another five or so minutes, laughter turning into a low chuckle, as if we were about to be told off for how loud we were being. Just as my hand had reached his arm to help hold me up, saving me from laughing myself into the ground, Loki and his date had made their way over.

“Enjoying ourselves, I hope?” He beamed, taking one look at me before giving his full attention to Charlie.

“Yes, yes we are, thank you. How about the two of you?”

“Ye-”

“It’s been fine, yeah, good. So, what’s your name then?” Loki interrupted, his date having no choice but to leave him to respond instead.

“I’m Charlie Fernsby.” He held his hand out, greeting Loki. A gesture that was very awkwardly not reciprocated as he let his hand fall back to his side before Loki spoke up again.

“Charlie..Charlie, now, isn’t that a girl’s name?”

“Loki!” I scolded, giving him an evil side glance, what was he doing?

“No, no it’s okay. Yeah, it can be used for girls too, but it's common for boys to have the name Charlie.” Polite as ever, he responded. A mischievous look made its way onto the God’s face. Oh no.

“So, I take it your parents wanted a girl?”

“I- I’m sorry?”

“I assume your parents wanted a girl, considering they’ve given you a girl’s name?” I rolled my eyes, this teasing was unnecessary.

“Charlie, let’s go and get a drink.” I tried to tug him away, only to be halted by another sentence leaving my best friend’s mouth.

“It was only a question, I'm sure he doesn’t mind answering, do you Carl?”

“Charlie.”

“That’s what I said.”

“You said-” I tried to interject, but he was quick to stop me

“I know what I said, Y/N, but I'm speaking to him. Let him answer the question.”

Loki’s date was long gone by now, she’d left to speak to another group of people, presumably another few couples, leaving us three to have this discussion, thing, whatever you would think to call it.

“I’m just saying, maybe they would’ve preferred a daughter, seeing as they’ve very obviously made that clear.” He beamed, expecting me to join in and agree with him, I don’t find this funny. At all.

“Can you excuse us, Charlie? Loki, A word.” I pointed to the door, giving him a look implying for him not to test me.

“I’m in trouble. Wish me luck Carlos.”

“Charlie.”

“I know, that’s what I said.”

I pushed him all the way out the door, into the hallway and round the corner so as not to disturb everyone else’s evening. When I’d made sure there was no one else around, I looked up at the Asgardian, my arms crossed, eyebrows furrowed, I wasn’t impressed anymore.

“So, are we out here for some hide or seek, or?”

“What the hell was that in there?!” I raised my voice slightly, his need to always make everything a joke wasn’t working this time. He had his night, his date, he didn’t need to come over and insult mine.

“What was what, darling? I was making conversation.”

“You were making fun of him.”

“No, I showed some concern about his parents choices, that’s all. Friendly advice if anything.” He looked a bit more frustrated with me now, as though he was stating the obvious and it was going over my head. I wasn’t having it this time.

“No, Loki. You weren’t and you know you weren’t. You had your date, she was fine, you were fine-”

“Well-”

“Let me finish. Everything was fine. Until you caught sight of me having a friendly conversation with another guy who wasn’t you. But guess what Lok, I’m allowed to do that! I’m an adult, I can speak with whoever I like!” My arms were all over the place now, my frustration was starting to show itself, it seems I had a bit pent up.

I saw his lips move, I heard something, but it was so quiet I couldn't make it out.

“Speak up, Loki. I can’t hear you.”

“I said, if you think he was just being friendly, you’re clearly out of your mind.”

Is he serious?

“Are you- Loki, you have no right to make a judgement on who and how and why I interact with other people. Not that it should matter to you anyway, you’ve spoken to other women before and I've never said a word or tried to stop you. Why does this matter so much?”

Silence.

“No, please, go on, tell me, enlighten me as to why this bothered you so much tonight, because trust me, I'm dying to know, truly.” I was shouting now, I just wanted answers for his behaviour, I didn’t think it would be this difficult.

His hands had made his way into his trouser pockets, eyes looking everywhere before settling on mine. He looked conflicted, I wanted to drop it when I saw his troubled gaze, but I couldn’t go back in there without an explanation.

“Ple-”

“I like you, okay? Is that what you wanted to hear, love? That I was so uncomfortable seeing some you get close with some guy that I had to embarrass him in front of you? Something I'm sure my father won’t be so impressed to hear, but there, you’ve got your confession.” His voice had gone much louder than mine, taking me by surprise, so much so that it took me a minute to process what he had said. He liked me?

He turned to leave, I assume because I hadn't said anything for a matter of minutes, but I gently grabbed his arm, tugging him back towards me. I looked up into his eyes again. I was so close that you could see the specs of different colours spotted in them, they were flawless. This view beats the Asgard view anyday.

“Why didn’t you mention this before?”

He shrugged, “I don’t know. Worried I guess. We’d never spoken of moving past friendship and I didn’t think you’d be interested.”

“I’m more than interested, Loki.” I grinned, my smile meeting my eyes, never leaving his.

“Not Chelsey?”

“For the love, it’s Ch-”

I couldn’t say his name, a certain pair of lips had stopped me from doing so. As they molded against mine, my hands went up to tangle themselves in his hair, his hands falling to my waist and pulling me closer, I didn’t even think that could be possible. We pulled away when we needed to catch a breath, foreheads falling against each other, smiles painted on both of our faces.

“I bet I'll be in your dreams again tonight.” He whispered.

“I bet I'll be in yours.”

“Always are, Darling. Always are.”

taglist: @horrorxweasley

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winterandwords · 2 years ago

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Cautiously peeking round the door

I haven't been online much lately, from taking a break to focus on writing to declaring an actual hiatus. I've needed it. I still need it to an extent.

Health stuff is a fucking mess and I'm trying to figure out a lot of life-things to make it more manageable. It's complicated and frustrating and not a fun topic, so I'm not getting into it. It's just for context here because I don't want it to seem like I'm suffering from a state of pathological onlineness or like I just need to step away from the screen and touch some grass or whatever. It isn't that at all.

Anyway. I popped back in the other day to add community labels to a handful of old posts and figure out how to prevent That One Post from continuing to take over my notifications, and I realised I really fucking miss being here.

I had a scroll through my dash and there's something lovely about this place, or at least the little corner of it that I'm lucky enough to have landed in. Something about a sense of community, about writers being writerly with each other without the constant BUY MY BOOK copy-pasta spam and stat-chasing bullshit that makes me not want to go anywhere near Twitter at the moment.

Major writing activity isn't an option for me right now (literally just sitting up and typing this post is a lot, so that's where things are at), but I'm reading through the most recent draft of Project Frequency in very short bursts on my phone and making notes. Feeling excited about my book made me want to share those vibes with other writers who are excited about their books too and this is where that happens in ways that make me smile.

So I don't know. I'm back? Kind of? Carefully? Maybe just a little bit, sometimes, slowly? I'm honestly not sure that I'm going to be able to catch up with all the notes from the last wee or that I'll be up for anywhere near my usual level of activity, but my sanity really needs little anchors right now and Tumblr is one of those little anchors for me (whatever that says about me as a person).

#the shit in my head

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mxtcha-tea · 4 years ago

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domestic shiratorizawa

⊹summary; the life inside the dorms of shiratorizawa

⊹pilots; gn![y/n], ushijima, tendou, semi, yamagata, reon, kawanishi, shirabu, goshiki (pairings showed; yamagata x reader, goshiki x reader)

⊹genre; fluff, crack and some cursings (no proofread)

⊹flight details; i've once made a domestic imagines in my old blog so imma make a small reboot of it <3

random shopping

normal day, normal life. you could've seen yourself laying or even napping in your room while a compilation of minecraft songs plays in the background. but no. instead, you're inside an antique shop with Yamagata, Ushijima and Tendou.

you have no idea when, or how did the process happened but you surely is done with getting dragged inside the shop by Tendou and Yamagata.

while Ushijima's stuck on a section, you don't know where, but he's definitely stuck there, "[y/n]! look at what i found,"

Yamagata called you as you turned around to see him holding up a pretty heavy doll. you raise your brow, "what the hell is that?" walking towards him and taking a closer look at the object in hand,

"i think it's a, um, i think a matryoska doll? matroyska? is that how you say it?" "why're you asking me, i don't know jack shit about russian stuff,"

"ah you mean, matryoshka doll?" Tendou butted in, startling you two, "it's also called a 'nesting doll' and did you actually know that it was actually originated from china?"

Yamagata's eyes practically sparkled at that with a surprised look, "from china? really?"

you can only roll your eyes, "and how can you even know all that?" Tendou snickered and put on a smug face, "i'm actually very smart, y'know. ya'll just don't know about it," "says the person in class 2,"

"i blame the mathematic old hags for adding letters in math, and the apple that fucking hit my man Isaac," you tsk'ed and walk towards the next section. Yamagata passive aggressively put the matryoshka doll down and follow after you along with Tendou,

"also, we need to find ushijima, i think he's stuck in some section between here...ah there," you stopped walking and turn to your right where you find Ushijima reading a book.

Tendou skipped towards him and smack his shoulder, "you okay, wakatoshi-kun? you sure did took longer to look at the stuff here," while Tendou chats with Ushijima, Yamagata look up at the shelves as something caught his eyes.

he tried to reach it while tip toing but due to his height, he can't reach it. then, he jumped from his spot to grab the object but end up hitting his head onto the board, "AGH, FUCK!" which causes you all to look at him, watching him hold his head while shivering from the pain,

"are you okay, yamagata?" ushijima ask, putting back the book on the shelves, "yeah, yeah, i'm just tryna get that," he shakes his head before pointing up.

you followed his finger and caught a glimpse of an old polaroid. it's a little bit dusty but other than that, it looks new. Ushijima reached it from his spot and managed to grab it, "here,"

he hands it to Yamagata as he instantly recovered from his recent pain and snatch it from Ushijima's hand, subtly thanking him with a grin, "why do you even need a polaroid?" Tendou asked, leaning his arm over Ushijima's shoulder with one brow up,

"pfft, for journaling of course,"

a gust of wind went through you while staring at him with a poker face, the same with Tendou with a small cat like smile. Ushijima just looked the same,

"okay," "WHAT'S WITH THE TONE??" you blinked and just knit your eyebrows, "i mean, since when you started journaling? you're not even the type of person to do something aesthetic,"

he pouted and just crosses his arms, "so what? that doesn't mean i can't do it, right? have faith in me god darn it. and honestly, my journal looks good so far," "well, fine,"

you waved your hand at him and continue going through the other section. and just like that, "hey wait!" Yamagata tailed after you.

Tendou snickered at the two and focus back on Ushijima, who's still watching the display yet again, "have you thought of what to buy wakatoshi-kun?" "i'm not sure, there's a lot of interesting stuff here," "well, you've only been in this section but okay~"

studying

"agh, why did those idiots really have to call me at this time...?"

you groaned, slowly walking through the halls with a slouched figure. tracing your fingers along the wall with a dejected look. you're suppose to sleep today.

an hour or two long sleep. it's finally the weekend which means the time for you to sleep all of your problems away. drifting into slumber with fluffy pillows and warm blankets, enjoying your dream as long as you can.

until your ringtone annoyingly rings next to your ear. you answer the call, and again greeted by the most annoying human in the planet,

"[y/n], we need you at the gym right now!"

"huh? oh fuck off Tendou, i need to sleep right now,"

"nuh uh, you can sleep later after you go to the gym,"

"why? are you, i don't know, practicing or something?"

"you have to find out. if you don't move your ass from that bed, we'll send Hayato to wake you up~"

". . ."

and now, you find yourself standing in front of the door of shiratorizawa's volleyball gym. not only that Tendou wakes you up from your sleep, you also had to WALK all the way from your dorm to the gym,

"i'm gonna add more time to their practices after this..."

sliding the door open, you expect them to be doing serves or maybe spikes.

but instead, you're seeing them—as in the 3rd years—all sitting down at the middle of the court, with books around them.

and what's even more confusing is that they somehow managed to bring a table inside. no, not the flip-able table.

literally a whole ass table.

Reon looks up from his book and notices your figure standing on the door way. he waves his hand at you, you did the same but still with a confused look.

Yamagata was next to see you as he abruptly stand up from his spot, shaking the table in the process,

"Hayato! stop shaking the table," "oops, sorry. ah, wait, [y/n]!"

that caught all of the boys attention as they look at you, "what taking you so long to arrive?" Tendou asked, a pen rested in between his upper lip and nose.

Semi smacked him in the face—earning an 'ow'—before shaking his head,

"their dorm is literally far from the gym, and why do you even proposed your idea of studying at the gym anyway?"

you make your way towards them, Reon patting the empty spot next to him. you sat down on your spot as Yamagata did the same. seemed like he was waiting for you.

Tendou rubbed his nose and pouted at Semi, "this was the best place to study anyway! it have much more room,"

"we should've gone to the cafeteria OR the LIBRARY," Semi groaned, looking back at his book before writing on it,

"pfft, the cafeteria's no fun. and i got banned from the library," Reon looks at Tendou with confusion, "well, it's not surprising,"

Tendou shrugged, "i was also banned from the library," Ushijima said, not looking up from his notes as you knit your eyebrows at that,

"you're also banned from the library? Satori, what did you and Ushijima did—" "anyways, um,"

he cut you off, fidgeting with his pen before pointing it at you, "right, you need to tutor us on this subject~!"

you blinked, looking down at the book they're studying about, "haven't the teacher covered this already?"

"well, i'm sorry, class 6. but we have no idea how this thing works. maybe only Reon, but look at Semi,"

Tendou wrapped his arm around Semi's neck, practically head locking him, "he's from class 1 and i think you should teach him about this the most," "I'll rip your fucking head off, Tendou!"

while both of them tried to strangle each other, Yamagata caught your attention next,

"and also, it won't be fun without you, y'know," Reon nodded, "and don't forget that you can't leave me alone in this,"

"oh right," "hm? what was that?" Yamagata asked. you just shake your head with a defeated smile, "nothing..."

after clearing your throat, you snatched Semi's book away before flipping through the pages,

"okay you scumbags, it's time to learn,"

oblivious enough

the birds chirped from the tree, the hallway's as loud as ever. Semi and Tendou's leaning against the window, each of them drinking apple juice and eating yakisoba bread.

it was silence between them before Semi spoke, "hey, Tendou," "yes Semi-Semi?" "y'know,"

Semi turned his head to look at Tendou as the redhead did the same, "have you, noticed the relationship between [y/n] and Yamagata lately?"

the latter made a thinking face, before nodding, "hm, seems so,"

"do you think, either one of them ever noticed about it?" Tendou shakes his head at the question, "nope, i don't think they do. in fact, they might be completely oblivious to it,"

Semi snickered, "right, like that one time..."

"[y/n], do you think my lips are dry right now?"

you look up from your clipboard, seeing Yamagata pointing his lips, "hm, nah. they're fine, but if you want, i can but on some lip balm,"

his eyes sparkled at that as he nodded his head with excitement, "sure!" you walk towards your bag with Yamagata following you. opening the zipper and search inside it, you pull out your lip balm,

"here, hold still," you put a hand on his cheek while the other applies lip balm onto his lips. it was a slow process but he managed to not move at all while making eye contact with you.

once you finished applying, he pop his lips before humming, "mn, cherry," "let me know if you need anything else,"

he nodded with now flushed cheeks as he smile at you. you did the same, gently patting his arm.

from a distance, Shirabu looks at them with a disgusted look, "ugh, can't they be more subtle about it,"

Kawanishi shrugged, "just let them be,"

"how can i redo my memory? i don't need to see that this early," "well, what if it was us?" "i would be twice as grossed, i can put my own lip balm," "hm yeah, you're right, i honestly would be like that too," "good,"

"haha yeah, now that i think about it, they do it all the time right?" Tendou nodded at Semi's statement before hearing the all too familiar voice just a few meters away from them,

"[y/n]!"

you turned your head around while still sipping your drink. Yamagata stood in front of you, holding out his visibly crumpled necktie with a small smile,

"my necktie!" "ah again? whatever," you give your drink to him as he hold it for you.

grabbing the necktie from his hand, looping it around his collar shirt and started tying it with a concentrated look,

"i can't say that it'll be clean when i finished tying it," "it's okay! that's why i'm asking you to do it, messy or not, at least i have it on," "hm, yeah,"

after you finished tying it and patting it a little, Yamagata hugged you, "thank you!" "yeah, you're welcome,"

the aura literally radiates on the slightly crowded hallway as some of the students who passed you talked among themselves.

Semi and Tendou stared at you two, expressionless eyes but with a small smile,

'ah, right,'

Tendou sighed, intertwining his fingers together and lifting it up to his cheeks, "ah, young love~"

"we're all the same age,"

"young love~"

bonus; reliable kouhai

lifeless.

is what goshiki would say when he took a few glances at you from his book. you promised to tutor him about this subject he's struggling on. but didn't really expect to see your slouched form walking inside the library.

he's not even sure if you even hear anything you're saying right now, "get a shovel and two-" your head hit the table, creating a loud sound and catching the attention of almost everyone inside the library,

"[y/n]-senpai, um, are you okay??" you groaned and rapidly blink your eyes, covering your forehead, "yeah, 'm just..."

a yawn escaped from your mouth before you can even finish your sentence, "...tired. those stupid senpais of yours need help tutoring too even tho being grown ass men,"

goshiki closes his book and creating a small 'thump', snapping you out from your mind,

"well, if that so then you didn't have to come, you could've just tell me and i would be fine with it!" your hoarse laugh caught him off guard as a shade of red ran across his cheeks, "i can't break a promise, tsutomu. why do you even think i agree on tutoring you?"

"uh, cause you want to help me with my studies?" "one of it, and cause i enjoy tutoring you," he can feel his cheeks heating up more when you made eye contact with him, a small smile laced upon your face,

"and honestly, you're smarter than i thought. class 4 right? that's cool," he looked away, trying to calm his nerves down, "t-thanks! a lot of people thought i was in a lower class, so i, i appreciate it,"

goshiki took a peek at you, now burying your face onto your face, "also, senpai," "hm?"

"you should take a nap for now, i think i can start understanding this formula," you slightly look up at him, "you sure? i was prolly talking craps just now," "yeah! your health is more important anyway,"

you hum, offering him a warm smile, "thanks, i know i can count on you," you rested onto your side and close your eyes. lips slightly parted and just like that, you're deep in your dreams.

he pursed his lips, slowly leaning against the table to look at your face. it's calm, peaceful and beautiful, kissable lips. he wonder if he could lean in a little closer until you two-

goshiki instantly jolted up and hit himself on the head, face's covered in the color red, 'no! don't think about that, curse you Tendou-San for introducing me to those mangas...'

Tendou's faces ran across his mind as he grunted,

'why're they so pretty??'

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syubub · 4 years ago

Text

2021 Reading for BTS and the collective!!

Wow wow wow! I didn't disappear or get dragged away by a demon. No no, I just got thrust into unexpected shadow work and I now have an unhealthy obsession with sea shanties and a love of pasta.

I had this idea planned to be early in January but that didn't pan out so I'm doing it now. I have another yoongi reading in the works and another fun thing coming soon as well!!

I promise I won't bore you to death any longer but I hope you've all been doing well!!

Disclaimer: This is for entertainment purposes only and not to be taken as fact.

If this message doesn't apply, let it fly!

Cool cool cool.

Let's get it.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Oki. I first want to say that this I gonna be long lol. I did a meditation and gathered some little pieces of things y'all might need to hear and then I pulled cards for every month. The fountain tarot deck is the cards for us, the collective, and the rider-waite cards are for bts. It'll make more sense when I add picks and stuff. I did a little extra card pull for yoongi for the month of May too :) I'll make sure to type out all the cards in text so you know what they are (the pics are kinda wack.) I also used my pendulum to ask if there was a bts related event for every month and that's at the bottom. It's just to take in the possible energy for the month and something that could result from that energy!

LETTUCE BEGIN (hehe)

Starting with the section for the channeled messages. I want to reiterate that this was collective so if it doesn't resonate with you, the message might not be for you! Use your intuition.

(Enough talking. Damn)

So. As I said this was through meditation and connecting to the big column tree thing (I told my cousin about the tree/pillar and they were like,, "so basically a big energy dildo in the æther?" .... I CAN'T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT. h e l p m e) and asking if there was any messages or advice that needed to be delivered and it was... intresting?

Things came fragmented. So there was little messages like, "Its gonna be okay" and "things are changing for everyone" and "open your eyes if you want to see" (that's sassy.) There was one particular thing that was confusing me though. Straight up it was just "flower" on repeat and like a really bad picture of a flower? Like you could tell what it was but it was bad quality. Anyway, I was like "okay. Kindly shut the fuck up. Pls." And I wrote down flower, pink flower and rose. Sooo.... idk but there you go.

More messages were things like, "the block isn't in your head", "try calling forth that which you seek" and... February. Possibly there is specific (very very very loose) connection to the 10th-19th? I'm not to sure what or why but I'd say maybe look out for opportunities on these days and also maybe external events.

Continuing with dates. In the last this 21 and January 21 came up. It came up again but with 2 messages. So first, either 21st is a day where something is put into motion (possibly private or public) or announced and the second was "add them together dumbass" that's not very kind but 3. Again this has been discussed too but but but... maybe a signal of a third mixtape 👀 (not necessarily on the 21st per say but possibly in March? I'm really not sure).

Oki. I got side tracked like I always do and started thinking about tattoos and stuff and I really want koo to have a peony tattoo. I feel it in my BONES. It would suit him so well. and as I was thinking about tattoos I heard, "don't be surprised if yoongi gets/shows a tattoo this year" ??? What the fuck? I think maybe they messing with me but now I have hopes and I don't want them to be crushed and thrown to the wind :(

Back to normal stuff, "the theme is growth" I think that fits very well with the reading. "Blue might be a lucky color" self explanatory. It might be lucky. "Start practicing grounding and centering" this was LOUD. This will help you in how you react to events in the future. Really do practice this if you haven't.

This is where it gets a little weird. So, I got a message that said "start living as if you never existed." I am not a 100% sure what this means but I think I have a pretty good guess. I hate to make it sound weird like this but by sort of focusing on something that is so hard to comprehend (because our brains can't comprehend not existing very well) you kinda break the 4th wall? Like in Deadpool when he addresses the audience and is aware that he is a character played by Ryan Reynolds? anyway, focusing on something that seemingly impossible you kind of accidentally open up the floodgates for a lot of other things. I would say if you are not in the right headspace to do this don't do it but it can be a powerful way to break up the monotony of reality. The theory that everything happens simultaneously bc time isn't a linear progression events blah blah we are energy blah blah the multiverse blah blah.. Theres so so so so so so so so so much about this and how it applies to things that I could probably write you 10+ dictionaries worth of material but for the sake of simplicity and not wanting to write a novel right now, I will continue. The main lesson is to start challenging your perception of the world around you. Ask why and why and why and why. Essentially seeing cracks in the matrix. Pulling your head out of your cosmic ass, realizing that rose you're smelling is actually daffodil ect. It's not supposed to bring you fear but just kinda encouraging you to question all the things that you perceive as given truths.

I tried to make that sound cohesive but really it's such a big concept that I can't really wrap it up all nice and neat.

Oki. May and March are also important times.

Listen to your intuition and try not to take everything so seriously. I'm not saying to check out and go squat in the Himalayas but it's important to find joy in the now. Life is already tough enough so don't forget to watch a silly show that you like or change your hair to a style you've never tried, wear makeup in a very loud way. Just have fun and don't worry so much about things that you can't control. Listen to yourself and your intuition.

Well that was all over the place. Let's get on to the actual tarot part now.

For the record, the pictures are right to left.

January for the collective

We have the empress, the sun, 7 of swords and a fortune that says "act well your part; there the honor lies"

Hmm. Ngl I was a little confused to see the empress and the sun for January... I mean it hasn't been great. So I pulled clarity card 7 of swords. The 7 of swords is all about betrayal. It's about the deception and and actively getting away with things. This is people lying, cheating, sneaking and the works.

This makes much more sense!! The Sun card is usually about joy and success and happiness but in this case I see it as illuminating the betrayal. It's shining light on the deception and keeps the spotlight there. Its also an energetic card so I think that shows passion for uncovering the truth.

With the empress card too I think January is all about getting creative in all forms. Creative ways to protest, to mourn, to celebrate, to connect. Also taking in the abundance that we DO have. The beauty that surrounds us. I like to think of aphrodite energy for this. Its not just love and passion and creativity but is also asserting yourself and having strong passion for what you love and fighting for it. Did you know aphrodite was also called upon in ancient Greece in times of war? She was honored as a goddess of war but still a goddess of love, the sea, fertility ect. What I'm trying to say is that being a creative and "feminine" energy is in no way weak. Sometimes the most powerful things come from this energy. Love aggressively with good intentions. The point is that you should take whatever you're feeling and translate it into something creative or something you care about. The fact that covid is still a thing really sucks but take any rage, hurt, sadness, joy, love whatever and use that shit to make something amazing. Bake bread and punch the fuck out of it, paint your frustration, play hopscotch in higheels while you listen to heavy metal. You get the point.

Now January for BTS!!

We have the death card. (I only pulled one card bc I have things planned from this)

January has been... strange? To say the least.

This card can be a lot of things for them. I think this points to more maturity in their music? Like they've finally ditched the "shiny kpop boy band" label and are being taken seriously in the west. I also think that they're going through a musical/concept transformation~ I think it also signified the change in plans bc of the Grammys perhaps they had things planned an that fell through so they were forced to rapidly change plan/course.

For January: possible mixtape or announcement.

February for the collective

We have 8 of coins reverse and hanged man reverse.

The 8 of pentacles reverse talks a lot about self improvement. Doing that good good inner work and self care. Working on developing parts of you that you've maybe neglected. It's also learning how to work with how you are instead of wishing you weren't the way you are. If you have a therapist its a great time to maybe ask for any extra tips that you can practice daily to help you even more. Maybe exploring more into insecurities relating to finance or jobs or your passions. If you don't have a therapist but you have the means to get one I always highly recommend. You don't have to have "problems" to see a therapist. Everyone could use a non biased point of view that is literally trained to help you be you best self. If you can't get therapy, I get it. Shits tough rn but there's still things we can do to better ourselves like Journaling and reading therapy blogs or self help books (not the taky shit) or trying a hobby you fell out of touch with. There's also a lot of places where you can get therapy promise on the internet. Most importantly, better yourself in the way that you need. Take time in February to take notice of what you want to improve upon. The 8 of coins reversed does come with the warning not to get stuck in perfectionism. Go easy on yourself and if you find yourself getting frustrated when working on projects, try to take a step back and practice whatever it is in a fun way and then come back to it later

Hanged man reverse talks about knowing that you need to chill but you don't. You'll need too. Maybe you'll find yourself swept up in work and tasks and you're over whelmed and know you need to stop and catch your breath but you resist. Why? Well, perhaps you're trying to ignore reality by filling the empty spaces with things and stuff so you don't have to face what's bothering you. Not wise. Take time for yourself. There's also the flips side where people are just kinda stuck.. creative block. Maybe you want something to turn out one way and it just isn't, so your stuck and frustrated and can't move past it. Let go of your expectation of how it should be and let it be what it is. Go with the flow and maybe you'll see a new way to overcome your problem. You'll eventually get that break through that you need! The theme of February is about self improvement. Listen to yourself.

February for BTS

We have judgment.

Hehe yeah. This card is about rebirth and the inner calling. Letting go of the old to step into the new version of you. This is also a very spiritual card lol. This can talk about a new decision that you have to trust your gut on. This is a very significant card that screams comeback to me. It also can talk about sharing your struggles with a group of people and that to me sounds comeback ish. Maybe this will be an announcement in February, maybe they'll be working on it idk but this is ultimate comeback energy so I hope they utilize this for a big group project!!

February: possible BTS comeback (even my pendulum knows)

March for the collective

The chariot and justice

This plays directly off of February! With the chariot you're taking the self improvement that you've done and putting it to action! Now is the time to act on the dreams and passions that you have don't wait and hope for the best. March is about action and standing in your power.

Justice card is cause and effect and truth. What you do will have consequences good or bad. Not doing anything also has consequences. Cease the moment and make the best of it. You'll be taking responsibility for what you do. You start a business? Now you have the responsibility of running it and you get the credit. Stuff like that. Stand by your decisions with conviction and trust yourself.

There's also the side of justice that talks about bringing justice. If you've been wronged, you'll be brought justice if you stand up for yourself.

We also carry the continuous lesson of learning what we truly believe and challenge those beliefs!

March for BTS

Oki we have the hermit and the 6 of pentacles reverse.

Well... let's start with the 6 of pentacles reverse. This can really talk about being so generous and giving to everyone else that you forget about yourself. I think that maybe they might be over exerting themselves and giving so much that they're exhausted physically and emotionally as well. I think too, they take on so much of our pain like its their own? Idk but this would be a good time to do a large scale fan project to show them a little extra love!

With the hermit card it talks about a self introspection so they could be looking inward as a team and kinda evaluating their bond.

I also see this as maybe being alone as in they maybe can't physically go to the grammys? Or maybe they had been planning the rescheduled concerts and they had to be pushed back even further? Things like that. Regardless this signals re thinking/reevaluating the goals that they have and considering what direction to go in!

March: possible mixtape or solo project?

April for the collective

We have 6 of coins and 3 of cups reverse.

Let's start with the 6 of coins. It's about sharing. It can be about charity so sharing money via donation but also giving time, effort, energy to people as well. Giving knowledge is good too! It's an all round exchange. Maybe someone lends you money or you lend money to someone. It's give and take. It's a two way street. It's also a card of balanced finance. So money stuff should be looking promising around this time (for you U.S people this could point to more stimulus help as well)

And for the 3 of cups reversed... I see this as reopening of places and people struggling to find the balance. So think people who've been in lockdown celebrating by throwing a big party... yikes. This card reminds that we should be mindful of the long-term consequences that come with our actions.. maybe also people that are experiencing fear of being in public places now. This is only one facet though. Bc I think this also means in general, missing being with friends and having a renewed relationship because you've really realized how important it is to have these people that mean so much to you in your life. Don't forget that you have people that love you and want the best for you. Call them when you feel alone.

April for BTS

The heirophant

Mhmm. This one kinda gives me vibes that they'll be mentoring people? Idk but I see them more as the heirophant teaching what they've learned/ know to help guide others. HOWEVER this could also be them taking a new task under their belt. Learning something new. Since this is as a group reading I assume that this talks about the group as a whole. This card is also very tradition oriented so maybe they are taking lessons that are connected to traditional Korean culture? Maybe its for RUN or maybe its to incorporate into music and preformance. Think bts mma preformance but all of them learning together? Idk, it's just a thought (maybe wishful thinking). It also talks about seeking counseling so maybe they'll do yoongis idea from the most recent RUN.

This can also be them embracing this kind of leadership/ status.

April: I got nothing. It does feel like something though

May for the collective

Five of cups and queen of cups reversed

Five of cups is disappointment, regret and self pity. Now honestly this to me looks like possibly a tightening of restrictions yet again. Regardless of the situation that this is talking about, the best thing you can do is not wallow in the bullshit. You scrape yourself off the pavement and move foward. You'll need forgiveness of yourself and others and that if shit isn't going your way, you need to pull your head out of your ass and look around bc there's options out there. It's like drowning in a kiddie pool. Just stand up, dude. The water is like 5 inches.

Queen of cups reversed talks about self love and self care. It's more of that look inwards energy. Think about really taking care of yourself. May might be emotionally draining so you need to be ready to take care of you! Part of self care is making sure that your boundaries are well enforced.

Be on the look out for codependent behaviors. Check in with yourself.

The queen of cups is very intuitive and having it in reverse can talk about you not taking enough time to listen to it. Make an effort to meditate for like 5 minutes a day at least. Do something to let yourself connect to your intuition and higher self.

May for BTS

9 of pentacles

This about enjoying the fruits of your labor and absolute abundance and luxury. This could talk about them rolling in the dough after signing a new partnership or having a concert or something if the sort. This could also be a time where we see them buying new things like houses, cars and rings (lol) but also this could be them doing a very high production value project! Also namjoon and his bonsai army are thriving in this time!

May: possible concert or scheduled concert event. Activity of some kind.

Yoongi interlude

I asked for one card to give me an idea of what the mystical May 13th really is. I got: the star, 2 of cups, 4 of wands, the world and the sun.

Guys. I can't with this. 2 of cups is a card of union, romance, soulmate. 4 of wands is celebration, joy, homecoming, bliss. The world is completion and the sun is happiness, joy, marriage, enlightenment.

I've said it a billion times but that's some soulmate shit. So soft so cute and May will be eventful for his personal life.

June for the collective

Death and the heirophant reversed.

Wow wow wow death is transformation and a new chapter so a new way of life and something new/ different that changes how we see things. Again this could be relating to new covid things and new policies and stuff like that but also new as in new to all of us. Groundbreaking perhaps?

The heirophant reversed talks about teaching yourself. Being your own teacher and making your own path. This might be spiritual or otherwise. Challange what the world wants from you and instead listen to what you truly want bc you don't need anyone's approval. Continue to ask questions about why things are the way that they are.

June for BTS

Page of pentacles

Oki oki page of pentacles means a new creative venture and manifestation. Maybe something that they've been wanting for a while finally comes to fruition. This might be the start of a new project that they haven't done before or something cross genre? Idk but its a really good sign of being motivated for a new endeavor and manifesting any projects that they've ever wanted to do. Love this promising energy!!

June: idk

July for the collective

10 of swords and 9 of cups reversed.

10 of swords signals a painful ending. Also deceit. Its a necessary end to a long battle. The only thing you can do is control how you react in these situations. You just kinda gotta surrender into the pain and know that it's temporary. Take time to reflect on what happened and why and how it will help you grow.

The 9 of cups reversed talks about valuing stuff and material things over emotions and spiritual things. This can be talking about society in general, that we are becoming more aware to the fact that there is often more value placed on ephemeral items rather than humanity as a whole. This also can be talking about coming to the realization that we've been working so hard towards... something we don't really care about simply because we were told that it's what you do.

If you want something different to happen you have to put in effort. You can't be sitting in front of a water fountain being like, "damn. I'm thirsty. I really really want water so why isn't it in my mouth yet?" Like?? Hello? You have to take the first step, my dude.

Certainly don't try to do anything that would cost you finatial security or health.

You have the potential to find happiness within yourself. So try looking inside instead of looking outward.

July for BTS

4 of swords.

This is about rest and relaxation!

Taking time to meditate and take some time to look at what you've done objectively. Ots like the hermit in a way but much more focused on resting and relaxing so you can come back stronger and with better direction. Maybe they'll take a break for a couple days but I really see it as them reassessing options. Especially if July goes how I think it will. Maybe they'll film something like In The Soop again? Maybe we'll see bon voyage type thing? Idk. But it could be something kinda out of the spotlight? Maybe something more healing?

July: maybe something?? I'm not sure but it seems like something might be in store.

August for the collective

5 of coins and the wheel of fortune

Well let's see. 5 of pentacles talks about isolation and a negative mindset. This talks about falling on hard times but its a temporary set back. This energy can be talking about falling on hard times emotionally as well. In the card it shows a woman outside of a church shivering and cold but she's too busy thinking about all that she's lost that she doesn't notice the warm church that she could step into for shelter.

But then with he wheel of fortune that talks about fate/destiny, opportunity and luck so maybe this is a necessary loss so that a new door can open. This does kinda tie in with July as well. The end of something is painful but it's often a necessary thing. Might be a bit uncomfy but that's how things change. Again I see this maybe hinting more towards society but none the less it's definitely a theme for August to have doors closing and new ones opening so be on the lookout for that.

August for BTS

The devil.

Now don't fret. The devil talks a lot about choice. Most notably the choice between instant gratification and and something more substantial and the devil leans towards indulgence. It also has a lot to do with the shadow side. This could talk about ~scandal~ sure, but I think its more of a time where you become aware of negative patterns and you shine a light on that part you've ignored. On a much lighter note this card talks also about an incredible bond between people. It can be unhealthy if not given space or boundaries. Listen to pied piper and come back to me.

I also REALLY REALLY REALLY hope that this card points to this: sexuality. The boys have always been pretty pg when it comes to the topic of sex and embracing sexuality so I really do hope to see something more daring and grown up and exploring a tastefully sexy concept. On the same vain as sexuality this card also talks about kinks and stuff like that so don't be surprised if we get more outfits like fake love Era bondage harnesses.

August: ???

September for the collective

We have the world and 10 of wands reversed.

The 10 of wands reversed talks about carrying burden. Doing extra work and taking on more responsibility. Doing everything by yourself and carrying this heavy load alone will get you burnt out quicker than anything. You might be taking on too much and you'll need to prioritize what you really need to focus on. I also think there will just be a lot happening in September for a lot of people. It's a lot of working hard because you know it's good work or because it's what's right. This could be social responsibility that's placed on you or work responsibility. For whatever reason this burden isn't something you want to share with others because you think its yours alone to deal with. It's not though bc you'll figure out eventually that if it hurts so much you'll find a way to lessen the burden. 10 in tarot is all about the completion of a cycle and going through the wands cycle is hard work because for anything to be made of passion, you need to put the work behind it. The burden isn't forever, the heavy work load will lighten but this is you seeing things out. It's a good thing!

Especially considering this is paired with with world. The world is all about completion and that's what you're doing here is finding completion. You are seeing things out until the end but you just need to learn to give up some responsibility, lessen your burden.

This also talks about hard work being put into wider social spheres as well. Things like the vaccines becoming more widespread through the whole globe or at least better planing and infrastructures not related to covid. Things are looking up!

September for BTS

Knight of swords reverse

This bad boi is restless energy. It's being so pent up that you're ready to burst and you really want to take action but you can't because something is keeping you from taking that action. Again I do think this is kinda covid related in regards to touring bc if they do tour in 2021 its gonna look a lot different. This energy can be a bit impulsive and directionless so I think maybe they'll channel this into album material something? I'm not really sure tbh. I'm suprised this energy didn't show up earlier because it almost seems inevitable.

September: no clue

October for the collective

Ten of coins and the star reverse.

Welp let's start with the 10 of coins. Its about wealth, financial security, and long term success so this is a pretty prosperous time. This talks about the obvious monetary wealth and material wealth but also an abundance of opportunities. So this is definitely a good time to enjoy whatever consistency you have. This energy is really really abundant in the career space as well. So October could be very prosperous in the job field and you'll have likely found what it is you really want and could be successful at. This could be the actual act or just the idea. This is could also talk about investing in something for your future, this could be time or money.

With the star reversed it can talk about a loss of faith and a disconnection. This often points to feeling like you've just been forgotten or left out. Like the universe doesn't give a shit about you and left you out to die. Things might seem unfair but always try to look for the lesson that you can take from the experience. Seeing the 10 of coins and the star makes me think that a lot of people have kinda lost faith in their manifestations and also just in the concept of not living in a state of need. Especially if you see other people doing well and you've been trying so fucking hard but you haven't gotten a break. I know we hate to hear it but this can serve as a test of faith. Or rather an opportunity to get your shit in line and take a second to breath. Do something good for yourself and then continue on. This star in reverse serves to show you what no longer sparks joy and helps you find what does and what that initial spark was in the first place. Helps you get back to the original vision/ spark.

October for BTS

5 of pentacles reverse.

This signals the end of difficult times and getting that groove back. The last month was restless energy with no where to go but this month that energy is certainly put to good use. They might be figuring out what has been missing In their lives and starting to rectify that. They are definitely reminded that material wealth doesn't bring spiritual or emotional wealth. Might be also feeling a bit alienated too.

October: something is likely but idk

November for collective

Six of swords reversed and the moon.

Transition and change is prevalent. The 6 of swords is about leaving behind the familiar. Maune this is leaving a job, a new change in the status quo, leaving a relationship ect. The thing you have to keep in mind is just how amazing this is in terms of what it will do. It will alow growth!! And bring clarity!! Thos can also be societal as well, something being left behind in favor of something new. It's letting go and reflecting so that you can move foward.

This is strengthened by the moon card. The moon card is the subconscious and all the things that come with it. The anxiety, the illusion, the uncertainty. You'll want to deal with whatever emotions come up. The moon can signify a confusing time where things aren't what they seem to be. That's the illusions so you'll have rely more on intuition at a time like this. Your dreams might hold significance in this time as well. Listen to your guides and your own guidance because it will help you understand more than you did before this journey began. Using moon cycles to your advantage in November might really help you!!

November for BTS

7 of wands

Challenge and competition. People are envious of bts. We know this. But people will be challenging them for what they've gained: music industry domination. This might co.e in the way that people will spread vicious rumors in attempt to disenfanchise or possibly it will be a fair fight. It could also be a challenge/ battle for some other aspect that involves legal matters.

My best guess though is good old competition. Bts has proven again and again that they will continue to do what they do how they do but they will not be trampled over. In the best way this could renew some of that spirit in friendly competition. They will tear eachothers throats out for a pack of ramen so maybe a bit of competition will be good for them. It keeps life intresting.

November: nothin

December for the collective

Two of cups and the emperor!

Let's start off with the emperor card talks about stability and order. It can also signify being the "breadwinner" so its a good sign that you'll kinda be on top of your shit. The emperor is also an amazing leader so you might find yourself taking on a leadership role too! This is very organized energy that works very smoothly!

two of cups is such a lovely way to end out the year! It's love and partnership and attraction so if you aren't in a relationship by this time you might meet someone who strikes your fancy!! On a none romantic relationship note though, this card is also great for business partnership bc it signifies that you're on the same page and have the same goals in mind!

It's harmonious relationships and trust between them!! Love love love this energy so much! Cups are the suit of emotions and this card is so promising.

If you are in a relationship, this can talk about "falling in love all over again" like you're just reminded of how good they are.

December for BTS

Queen of cups

Intuition, creativity and emotional stability. They're using intuition to guide their moves foward with emotional maturity. They are in a place of knowing what they want and why. This would be a good time to work on an album or a book or to release them. The queen of cups is like the friend that you can tell absolutely anything and somehow they have a helpful answer. This card is really calm and it can also talk about subconscious thoughts.

I think that bts is maybe making more of a conscious effort to make sure that what they do is just as emotionally fulfilling for them as it is for us! They might be kinda pondering the future at this time and considering if this is what fills their emotional cup!

December: possibly a thing?

Now these cards are the vibe of the year and some advice.

For the collective (on the left)

Three of swords and judgment reverse.

The fortune says "accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory"

The 3 of swords is about disappointment and hurt and heartbreak. It's about the emotional release that we all need when shit gets tough. Don't pretend to be strong. If you need to cry, fucking cry. This year is about letting go of expectations and do what you have to do to release so you can move foward and not have these things pile up.

You have to make an effort to not let yourself take on what other people think of you. You aren't defined by what some asshole says. You define yourself.

Judgment reverse is about self doubt and ignoring your path. It's being stagnant and being harsh on yourself. This year has a focus on building yourself up and noticing when you are not. Bring light to the things that are holding you back without harsh judgment for yourself. You can't beat yourself up. If you make a bad decision you know not to make it again. Take accountability and move on.

The oracle card is inner temple.

Seriously all the focus of this year is in self improvement and dear god, please take time to work on yourself spiritually!!! Everything you want to know is there if you take the time to listen. This should be a place where you feel safe and welcome. It definitely should not feel like something you HAVE to do.

For BTS

10 of swords and page of swords

The fortune says "you create your own stage. The audience is waiting" (how tje fuck?? This is the perfect fortune)

The 10 of swords is a painful but necessary end. This is accepting the current situation. They maintain focus for 2021 for them is adapting and keeping their spirits up.

With the page of swords it talks about new ideas and that kind of creativity. It's also a lot about communication so I really think that they'll be figuring out new ways to connect and new projects that will be prosperous.

The oracle card is Pleiades

This is what we talk about all the time. Bts has helped so many people want to be better and do better. They are uplifting humanity and giving people a sense if belonging. Bts finds you when you need them most 💜💜💜

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Wow I had to write this up over 2 days bc this was so fucking long. I need a nap. Idk if I'll proof read this before I post it so don't hate me for the mistakes (honestly, there's like 10,000 spelling and grammar mistakes in my other posts too 🙃)

I hope you guys enjoyed it and maybe this will be helpful to to have a forecast of some possible energy for you to look out for!!

Also bts bc I love them. I have another bts 2021 reading I'll do soon too!

Hope you guys are happy and well 💜

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