#anyway. i fear i will continue giving everyone a sad life. everyone is assigned sad. by lily. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

allandoflimbo · 4 years ago

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Ashens (Part 19)

Summary: She falls in love with Bucky Barnes from the moment she sees him. Bucky, still in love with a woman from his past, hates Y/N and plans to make her life miserable. To both their dismay, they are assigned together to go undercover into The Capitol for six months. There, they develop a heartbreaking friend with benefits agreement. Dystopian.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 3,000

Chapter Warning: Smut.

Rating: M for Mature, E for explicit. Enemies to lovers trope, sharing a bed trope, friends with benefits trope, temporarily unrequited love, heavy and angry sex, heavy on the angst, and very strong language.

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You were woken up to the violent sound of vomiting.

Opening your eyes, you noticed the bedroom was still pitch black, so it must’ve been very late. Drowsily, you sat halfway up and looked over to see that Bucky wasn’t next to you.

You cringed as the soft glow from the A.I hit your irises.

The vomiting started again, followed by retching. Always being an emetophobic, you tried to ignore it, swallowing down thickly. You didn’t want it to affect you.

You stayed that way, sitting up and waiting for him to come back inside so you could ask him if he was okay.

After some time, You laid back down, and stared up at the ceiling. You grew concerned as long seconds turned to minutes.

He was taking too long for your liking.

Having made up your mind, you tossed the comforter aside and made your way to the end of the bed.

You hesitated for a moment before standing up. Your eyes quickly darted over to a pillow that was in the foyer, wondering how the hell it got there. Quietly, you made your way down the hallway until you saw the bathroom door ajar. The lights were on.

You stopped next to it before looking inside.

“Bucky?” You called out. Your voice was timid and soft.

No answer.

You began to hear crying.

Your heart tore in half at the sound. It was loud, but it was heavy. You could tell that he was trying to contain it as much as he could.

You grew even more concern, this time knocking softly on the door before pushing it open.

There he was, half hunched over the toilet, his other half falling towards the floor turned away from you. His metal hand gripped the side of the toilet while his right hand pulled at his hair.

You watched as he shook, sobs racking his body.

You didn’t want to seem annoying but you found yourself feeling scared.

“Bucky, what’s wrong?”

He didn’t say anything.

Blindly, he reached for the lid and closed the toilet. Then he crawled over to the wall directly in front of him, right next to the shower, and fell up against it.

He grabbed at his hair with both hands. You watched as his knuckles turned white.

He let out a groan as he started to shaking his head back and forth, sniffing hard. He ran his hands down his face before letting them fall at his sides.

The look on his face was heartbreaking.

He looked like he was suffering some kind of pain that you couldn’t physically see. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, tilting his head up towards the ceiling.

You know that it wasn’t something he ate. That’s not why he was sick. He was going through something emotionally. This was mental turmoil.

You didn’t realize how true your words rang about him needing to get help until now.

“Nightmare,” he says so quietly and out of breath that you wouldn’t have caught them if you weren’t staring at his lips, “nightmare.” He repeats again, almost defeated.

He looked disappointed in himself.

Bucky isn’t sure if he dozed off but when he opens his eyes again, you’re knelt down in front of him with a glass of water.

He looks at the glass and back up at you. You looks so scared.

He takes the glass and downs it in a few seconds, scorched.

He hands you back the glass.

“Thank you.” His voice is hoarse.

You put the glass on the floor and he watches your movements, still in a heavy daze.

When his eyes meet yours again he can see the worry in your eyes.

“You’re sweating so much.” You grab a towel from one of the cabinets and hand it to him. He takes it from you but just holds onto it, letting his eyes close again, “You don’t have to tell me what it was about, but I’m glad you’re awake. You’re here now.” You say.

He physically cringes at the end of your sentence and you notice.

You take the towel from him, seeing he wasn’t even using it, and your roll it up. You bring it gently to his forehead to wipe away his perspiration. He shivers at your touch. He watches you intently. You look so innocent and sweet on your knees like that, and the memory of how he’s treated you in bed eats away at him. Not only was it a distraction, but you weren’t a piece of meat. He doesn’t understand how you still care after all he’s done to you.

You continue to wipe down the sides of his face, and eventually, underneath his eyes where the tears have now dried.

You were beautiful.

“It was a memory.” He says as you finally pull away from him.

You do a double take. You didn’t expect him to tell you this.

“I was,” he looks away from you, “it was nineteen fourth five. I was in Germany.”

He looks at you hesitantly and you give him a short nod, raising the towel back to his forehead. “Hydra—Hydra had me go to a base, just outside of Buchenwald. эти проклятые ублюдки.” He mumbles is disgust, sniffing, “There was a concentration camp nearby,” you watched as his flesh hand shook violently at his side, “It wasn’t instructed for me to be there. But we took the drive by, and I —“ his voice broke and he closed his eyes again, “I remember the smell, the smell of death, and I remember the bodies. I

remember children watching, this one young boy, and I did nothing.”

He was surprised when you took his metal hand in his.

“Bucky…”

“I don’t understand how I couldn’t control myself, my body, how I could let it happen, how I couldn’t save him. It was like deep down somewhere I knew it was wrong what I saw but I couldn’t —”

“You need to stop blaming yourself for something that is not your fault.”

“I was a Nazi.” He spats like the words are venom.

“You were not a Nazi. They took advantage of you and you know that. Even if you did what you did, you weren’t aware of it. Those monsters did that. Not you.” Your grip on his hand was tight and he could feel it, “you were a young boy that they —“”

“I should’ve been stronger. I should’ve fought against them harder.”

“It was against your control.” He’s stunned at your conviction and he watches you curiously. You tilt your head at him, “But look at you now. Look where we are. You’re here to save the world. Everyone outside of The Capitol is counting on you, wether they know it or not. And that is something that it is you that is doing. This is who you are.”

Bucky closes his eyes together and another grimace fills his features. You feared he would start crying again.

“Have you—have you ever spoken to someone before?” You ask gently, “Bucky?” You repeat when he doesn’t answer.

“I did. I had a therapist, but it didn’t go well. I eventually just started to going to Sam,” you nod. You feel him grab your flesh hand, and he runs his thumb over the top of it. The act startles you, “but you don’t understand. I’m not just a veteran with PTSD. I’m different.”

His touch was hot against you.

“And I get that,” your voice shook slightly, “but you can’t stop trying.”

He tilts your head at you this time.

“Trying for what? I’ve tried what I can and I still feel empty. It’s not that I’m unhappy, I’m just, I don’t know.”

“You have suicidal thoughts.”

The silence that follows your comment is palpable.

“My time has come and gone,” his voice is filled with emotion and you feel your own eyes fill with tears, “I am glad I am doing this. I’m glad I’m here on this mission. But after this?” His eyes are filled with tears and you can tell he’s clawing at anything at this point, “give me something to live for.”

You slowly let go of his hand to wipe under your own eye. His words hurt you deeply. He was in so much pain you could feel it yourself.

Maybe you were an empath or maybe it just hit too close to home for you.

“I was bullied my entire life,” you started slowly, watching as his eyebrows came together, listening intently to you, “People made fun of me because I was always different. I didn’t hang with the cool crowd or the regular crowd. People always assumed things about me because of my parents. They always thought that just because mom and dad thought a certain way or had money, that I was taking advantage of them or I also thought like them. Nobody in my life ever took the time to get to know me just for me, and I was a girl that always cared about everyone, regardless of that.” His hand tightened around yours, “It didn’t matter when they dropped Mac and cheese down the front of my favorite sweater or when they would make me drop my books in the hallway and then laugh, because I knew they would grow up one day, and I knew the things that thought about me wasn’t true anyway,” Bucky’s heart began to fall as tears filled your eyes and your voice began to waver, “but I was still human.” Your voice broke. You cry quietly. You run the back of your hand under your nose, looking away from him, “so of course I still got sad. I got depressed. I used to eat lunch by myself in a dark classroom everyday. How could something like that not affect a person? At one point I also thought to myself, is this how I’ll be forever? Alone? Hated for no reason? Will no one care? Why am I here?”

The amount of guilt that consumed Bucky was intense.

A month ago he had selfishly vowed to not get to know you because he was afraid of getting too attached to his mission partner. Now he’s cursing himself for unbeknownst doing something that was your ultimate weakness and your greatest pain. Because of it, he had underestimated everything about you. You were already beautiful to him, but knowing your heart was just as pretty made him feel other things for you. Things he hadn’t felt in close to a century. It terrifies him.

The last time he felt this way about another woman, because of him, she was killed. He couldn’t handle that again, the risk or the pain.

“I’m sorry .”

“But I still stayed strong, because someone did end up giving me a chance.” His eyes meets yours, “Will.” You breathe his name, “And he got taken from me. You know what that taught me? That it might seem bad right now and like the future is impossible, but life is full of great surprises, too.”

Bucky watches as you grab the cup, getting off the floor. His heart is still swelling.

“About what I said yesterday,” you stop at the sound of his voice, “I was out of line to blame you for what happened between us. It was my idea, and I took it out on you because I was scared we ruined the mission. I wasn’t in the best mood. I take blame.”

You look down at the floor, somehow still feeling hollow inside.

“Thank you.”

“I—” he cuts himself short and clears his throat. You turn around to look at him. He wasn’t on the floor anymore. He was standing and he looked a bit shy, “Look, what I said before about us not doing anything ever again…” his voice runs off as he swallows down and looks down shamefully at your feet.

He felt disgusting. He felt insanely attracted to you and you didn’t even know it. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep using you, he wished he could give a part of his heart to you and if this was a different life, maybe you two could work out.

He feels disgusted with himself. You deserved so much better than him.

“You know what, it’s okay. Forget I was going to say anything.” He whispers, clearing his throat after. You watched as he walked over to the cabinet to grab a larger towel.

You don’t how what it was. Maybe you’re growing up. Maybe you’re changing, but you walk over to him and grab his arm.

He looks over at you surprised.

“It’d be different this time.” You say, eyes darting over his nose, lips, and neck, “before there was hostility and pent up energy. We’re friends now, right?” You searched his eyes.

He squints at you.

“I guess we are.”

You nod.

“Friends with benefits?”

“Friends who occasionally just have sex?” He asks.

“We’ll make rules. No physical gestures that can have a double meaning, no intense eye contact, just something to get our edge off.”

“No kissing, anywhere.” He says, “And only at night. During the day, we act like it doesn’t even happen. We can’t allow distractions.” “And when the mission is over—”

“We go our separate ways.” He finishes.

You continue to stare at each other for a few more seconds before you give him a nod. He watches you as you walk away.

He’d always watch you as you walked away.

+ + +

“This show is the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen. You like this?” Bucky asked with a mouth half full of sushi, pointing his chopsticks at the screen, comically.

You smirked as you took a sip of your water.

“This show is a classic. You just don’t get it because you’re old.”

“I’m not that old.”

You snickered.

“You old old man.”

“Shut up.” He says, “it’s not even from this century, right? What year did you say this came out?”

“Nineteen ninety four.” You grumbled, looking for another California roll in your plastic tray, “It the epitome of nineties and early two thousands era. It takes everyone back to a good time, before everyone used to just text each other.” You shrug, “it makes me happy.” You look over at him to see his eyes glued to the screen and a smile playing on his lips despite his verbal hate towards the show, “you don’t even have one character you like?”

He shrugs.

“Chandelier is funny.”

“Chandelier?” You laugh out loud, placing your tray on the coffee table as you do so. Bucky watches you, captivated by your laughter, “you mean Chandler?”

“Sure.”

You continue to glare at him, giving him a small smirk.

“I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.”

“I won’t tell you.” He says shoving another sushi in his mouth.

You continued to stare at him, intrigued. Was this the real Bucky Barnes finally showing his true colors?

Ever since your talk in the bathroom last week, things between the both of you got better. Despite the blow out fight you had in the kitchen the other day, you really were friends. Friends in the most messed up sense of the word.

After your talk, you both had agreed to becoming friends with benefits, but you had yet to consummate the agreement.

The mission had kept you both very busy, between you trying to avoid Silas at work and keeping your eyes for any other possible intel, to Bucky staking out his nights at the tower trying to find new information on Ashen, including where he lived.

Tonight was the first real night where you both felt relaxed for the first time in a very long time. Maybe too relaxed.

You heard Bucky snicker as a scene unfolded on TV -and you tried to contain your smile.

He liked it. Bucky liked Friends.

You watched from the corner of your eye as he leaned forward and put his own tray on the table.

“Does this remind you of your childhood?” He asks you.

“Kind of. I was very little when it ended but I remember that time period, yes. The world was different.”

“Tell me about it?” He asks you.

You perk a brow at him.

“Sure, but only after Ross accidentally says Rachel at the alter.”

“What?”

+ + +

“Could you stay on your side and with your fair share? You keep hogging up the blankets and the bed, Y/N.”

“I’m trying to make a cocoon because last time you snatched all the blankets in the middle of the night while I was asleep and I had to sleep shivering in fetal position.”

“I did not.”

“You did.”

“Not.”

You both calmed down until you started moving your legs around, trying to find a comfortable position.

You stopped, and then started again, tossing and turning.

“Oh my god, if you don’t stop I’ll cut off your legs.”

“Do it I dare you.”

“God.”

“It’s not my fault it’s somehow freezing and super hot at the same time.”

Thankful, he thought you had finally found a comfortable spot because you stopped. He was wrong because you started moving.

Fed up with you, he quickly turned around and grabbed your leg.

“Stop.” You stretched down to push his hand off of you when he grabbed your hand and quickly held it up against the pillow next to your head. He did the same with your other and caged you under him with his legs.

You were breathless as you stared up at him. Finding the proximity intoxicating.

He was panting against you as he stared down at your face.

He watched enthralled as you whispered the undeniable words:

“Fuck me.”

+ + +

His boxers had been flung somewhere across the room and he had your legs right around his waist.

He followed your rules. No excessive gestures and no eye contact.

He hated it. He absolutely hated not being able to cup your face as he stared down at your nose, his cock thrusting into your at a languid pace. Slow and torturous.

Instead, his hand grabbed at the pillow beneath your head.

Bucky moaned as he felt you squeeze around him.

“God, you know just how to do it to me.” He mumbles, licking his lips.

“Faster.” You whine, tightening your legs around him.

His thrusts pick up speed as he continues to fuck you for several minutes. Eventually he switches to hold onto the head board.

His right hand leaves it to hold onto your waist and his eyes goes to where his dick is fucking you.

You were so perfect for him. If this were another lifetime, he knows he could be good for you. He knows this could’ve have had a different ending. You were so good.

When his orgasm hits him, he flicks your clit with his thumb and he unravels with you. You both cum together.

When he goes to bed later than night after slipping out of you and throwing away the condom, you don’t feel used like you used to. At least you don’t think you do.

But you still wished you didn’t love him anymore. You wished he felt the same, and you wished you had the strength to stop torturing yourself.

As you looked out into the city with your bare back facing his front, you reminded yourself that Bucky Barnes would never love you.

This would always be just sex. And when it came to your friendship, it had no future. You were to both go separate ways at the end of this mission.

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thatsthetriick · 4 years ago

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Jjba characters in a coming of age movie with their s/o

Summary: What if you and (insert jjba character) are in a coming of age movie? What would happen in the movie, how would you interact? Header photo: Haruiro astronaut Pairings: Joestars x s/o

Jonathan Joestar ── Bleachers ♡ You’ll probably be in a boarding school in the 1960s in england. ♡ He is the star student and you’re probably just a normie and you wouldn’t want to associate yourself with him and you just want to live a peaceful life ♡ You’ll be asked to assist the rugby team in exchange for some grades and you couldn’t deny it so you agreed with your teacher and you two had a deal. Your job is simple, all you need to do is just to be in charge of the attendance and be the coach’s spokesman if he’s busy and it wasn’t that bad. ♡ You are also a supervisor whenever the coach is not around and you overall just support everyone just like an assistant. They need water? you��ll get some for the whole team, etc. ♡ Jonathan will honestly start developing feelings for you, and you to him, he starts helping you with your homework on the bleachers and you two will go anywhere together, and you’ll mostly be the one to rebel and sneak out at night to hang out with him and he’d usually feel scared to skip but he didnt let his fear take over him and he just followed you. ♡ The conflict is probably the fact that you witnessed a girl confessing to him near a fountain within school grounds, it kinda broke your heart and lost your motivation to assist the team yet you still continued. ♡ Your ending is probably depressing because he really likes this girl who confessed to him(probably Erina) so you’re left in the shadow and moreover it’s hard to skip and rebel with him when he prioritizes his girlfriend all the time. ♡ Your iconic scene with him is probably him helping you on the bleachers. Joseph Joestar ──Coward ♡ It’ll be 2000s in america as well probably and this movie will be a enemies to lovers thing huehue. ♡ You and Joseph hate each other and the whole school knew that and no one ever knew why, maybe because the first day you went to school you accidentally bumped to him and made your food go over him which made him held a grudge on you but at the same time flirt with you? Or make odd statements which just annoys you. ♡ You don’t take him seriously, you take him as a playboy so his flirts wouldn’t affect you at all and it’s not like you’ll take the praises that came out of that brunette’s mouth. ♡ It all changed when obviously you two got assigned in a project that requires the both of you to go to each other’s houses and at first you two argued a lot but you two started thinking that maybe it’s not that bad. ♡ The conflict is probably the fact that this guy likes another girl and you start getting confused with your emotions everytime he interacts with his girl crush, you really feel jealous but you’re still in denial. ♡ He also has feelings for you honestly but since he knew you practically hated so he knew he had NO chance which is why he just shooed his feelings away for you even though he genuinely really liked you. ♡ You get into a rivalary with the girl he liked which led to the two of you arguing publicly and you probably got embarrassed since she revealed to everyone that you liked Joseph. ♡ Joseph actually felt really happy to hear this and the movie ends with the two of you dating but being really good friends as well. ♡ Your iconic scene with him is both of you lying down on his bed while looking at the ceiling and talking about stories you two experienced. Jotaro Kujo ──Not that necessary ♡ The setting would probably be somewhere in the 1990s in america in a tiny town somewhere. ♡ Jotaro never really had a permanent home and by this he constantly moved town to town, which means he never really got close with anyone else in his schools and he’d prefer it that way that he wont just get close to anyone ♡ Though he continues being in arguments and physical fights and one of the fights got him in detention with you, now you in the other hand always get in detention for your little pranks to the teachers or skipping and getting caught, let’s just say that in this movie you’re not really the best student and you didn’t really care moreover mind, but when you saw Jotaro you got a vibe you two will get along. ♡ Since you two were the only ones in the classroom you whisper him to follow you as you two escape the window, he’ll probably groan or grunt at you at first but he’ll eventually follow you to get out of detention without using the front door. ♡ You two escape outside the window and run to a forest nearby probably, he’s not much of a talker so you did the talking for him most of the time, you two will do a lot of things in this movie, such as climbing rooftops of houses or going to playgrounds while talking or just bike around the neighbourhood, getting ice cream. ♡ The conflict here is that he’ll be moving soon and it’s hard for the both of you to be separated, since he doesnt’ want you to get hurt his immature 17 year old self would probably tell you that he doesn’t want to be friends or something that hurts, like “I never liked you as a friend anyways”, “ I just used you.” ♡ You would be heartbroken and deep inside you didn’t know why he would randomly tell these things to you and you would distance yourself from him and school generally that’s how much it affected your friendship. ♡ The ending would probably be upsetting and sad with you being left in the town and with Jotaro leaving, he really thought that he could make you leave him by insulting you but it just made you sad instead of being mad at him honestly. ♡ Though the epilogue would probably give the audiences hope since you two will bump to each other 8 years later as adults. ♡ Your iconic scene with him is probably walking to the forest and you doing the talking for him. Josuke Higashikata ──It started at the Diner ♡ The setting would probably be in the 50s in a 50s diner in america. ♡ You were a teenage regular customer there probably a loner and perfect student who’s got everything and is technically bored of life ♡ Everything changed when a bunch of deliquents sat on a table across yours and one of them got your attention the most, he probably saw you staring and you would feel embarrassed honestly and you will hesitate talking to him. ♡ You’ll only probably meet him there but you’ll eventually find him in the town and encounter him everywhere but you still hesitate to talk to him but you two started to talk and there was instant connection. ♡ The iconic scenes you would have with him is probably talking to him in a diner. ♡ The movie would probably also show about your boring life becoming more interesting as you rebel with him, the movie will show the message that teenagers should have fun while they can especially when they are still in their childhood, and that you should never miss the opportunity of meeting new people. ♡ The conflict in the movie is probably your school and your parents and their expectations and the fear that Josuke will be bored of you the more you focus on your education than friends and that he’ll eventually leave you, and how simple things in your life can easily block you from hanging out with him. ♡ The ending would probably be sweet and happy with the two of you spending your whole school year and summer bonding with each other, probably a open ending for the audience to decide. Giorno Giovanna ──Oh to see without my eyes ♡ Two of you are two teenagers in nothern italy which means you’re in a more grassy parts of italy, and you are in a wealthy family. The setting is 80s-90s italy ♡ He honestly goes to the same highschool as you and he was the new student probably. Your movie with him is probably wholesome and calming and peaceful. ♡ You always like going on the waters and beaches and he would just watch splashing water around and swimming. You two enjoy hanging out at nighttime the most, you would run around the town laughing and biking around near the forest and you would have midnight picnics where you would make snacks for the both of you. ♡ It’s instant connection, the day you met you two were already connected and already friends and it stayed until this day. You two eventually also get feelings for each other honestly as you guys hangout everyday to entertain yourselves. He was kind and polite moreover a gentleman ♡ The conflict is that he has a dream, that he wants to becoming a don of a mafia and you couldn’t stop him and instead you just wholeheartedly supported him till he eventually had to leave you to persue his dream, he went missing and missed a lot of school days because of this. ♡ The ending is sad you two never saw each other again and he intentionally did this because he didnt want you to be in danger ♡ Your iconic scene with him is probably you walking on the shore of the ocean with him by your side as you two talk away as you feel the cold touch of the water touching your bare feet as he stays dry on the sand.

Sorry dudes I’m still in part 5 :”DD, srry for typos im tryna speedrun this xD, might do the jobros and jofoes next >:DD

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clefairymuke · 4 years ago

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regrets | chapter thirteen

prev. chapter | next chapter

pairing: levi ackerman x reader

themes: enemies to lovers, slowburn, angst, fluff, smut

tw: violence / explicit sexual content

word count: 1715

It was hard to pay attention to the scene around you. It was chilly outside that day, the sky dull grey. Rain fell continuously, taking ten or so minutes to catch its breath before starting right back up to disappoint those hoping for some sun. Your friends -- Jean, Connie, and Sasha -- had pulled the bedside table out in front of you, all sitting around it. Everyone had a hand of cards, though you were unsure exactly of what game you were even playing as your thoughts traveled elsewhere. Hange had cancelled on you that day for a meeting; you weren't worried, though. The progress you were making practically promised that you would be back to normal within a few days. You had mixed feelings on that standpoint; it was hard to deny the good times your injury had brought you, and it would be sad to return to your normal life. You wondered how much would change.

Not that things weren't changing anyway.

Levi's words still rang through your mind as if he was next to you, repeating them in a whisper only you could hear over and over. "You looked too far into it." Your brain had chosen to torture you that day -- replaying the events of last night until you had no space for anything else to enter. It was cruel. Once again, it started at the beginning.

Levi entered your room, same as always, with his teapot and two cups. You were, same as always, sitting in your bed, patiently waiting for his arrival. Something was different, though. You smiled at him and said hello, expecting at least an upturn of the corner of his mouth in reply. He didn't acknowledge you. Wordlessly, he put everything down and pulled the table out between the two of you. Doesn't he typically say something by now?

He poured your cups without looking you in the eye, sitting straight up instead of leaning back and getting comfortable. Your face started to fall. "Is something wrong?" you asked him, furrowing your eyebrows. This was not the mood you expected tonight.

He didn't answer you immediately, taking a sip of tea and crossing one leg over the other before he finally looked up at you for the first time. His face was hard, but his eyes faltered. They were soft, and almost sad-looking. They assimilated with his face rather quickly, leaving you to wonder if it was your imagination. You decided it wasn't, however, when his free hand twitched forward then returned to its place. He wanted to reach for you. Why wasn't he?

"No," he answered bluntly, taking his eyes away from your face and going back to his tea.

"It's your turn," Jean told you, as he had to do every time it came back around to you today. "Is something bothering you?" You snapped out of your trance and locked eyes with him. He looked concerned. You laid your cards down and drew another, silently debating on telling him the truth.

"I'm fine. My leg is just bothering me a little bit." Connie and Sasha looked like they believed you, but Jean knew better. You could tell by the look in his eyes that he expected an explanation later. You wondered if you were prepared to give it.

To your right, Sasha was snacking on a potato she had sneaked back from lunch, leaving grease on her cards as she played her turn. It had been a while since you last spent time with her. Directly in front of you, Connie paid you no mind. He looked intently focused on the cards in his hand, as if he was trying to decipher some sort of ancient code. He looked like he was giving up when he finally discarded. Then, on your left, Jean eyed you warily. He already had his play picked out; all he had to do was lay it down before it was back to you.

This was getting repetitive.

After a while, you managed to get a little bit of conversation out of the man in front of you. It was not nearly as much as it usually was -- just a bit of small talk. It was enough to make you feel more confident. You wished it wouldn't have been; confidence was not what you needed in that moment. You wished you had depended more on your intuition that something felt wrong, because it surely was.

You had started to yawn, sleep pulling at your eyes. You grinned at Levi, and he lifted his eyebrow just barely. "Last night was nice," you told him, gearing up for the question. He didn't say anything, but that was no less than typical for him. He waited patiently for you to continue. You shouldn't have.

"I only have a few days left here. You don't have to stay in that chair all night," you moved over to give him some room. "Catch up on some more sleep with me?"

"No, thank you."

Embarrassed was an understatement.

The game was over. You were all too bored to play another round. Connie and Sasha soon packed up and left, mentioning something about going to see Ymir and Historia. You and Jean were left alone, concern still covering his features.

You really didn't want to talk.

Jean wasted no time. As soon as Connie and Sasha had left and the door closed behind them, he turned to you. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

You sighed, tugging at a strand of hair that hung in your face. "Levi was acting weird last night. I feel like an idiot," you said, wary of providing details. You were mortified. You looked too far into it.

"Weird how? Stop being all shy. You can tell me anything," he replied, laying his hand on top of yours. A single comforting touch. It was familiar.

"He made it pretty clear that he doesn't feel the way I do. He wasn't the nicest about it either."

"What the fuck is your problem, Levi?" you finally asked him, sick of his nonchalant way of pretending everything was absolutely normal.

"I don't have a problem," he answered calmly, as if he expected your outburst. You wanted to scream.

"I find that hard to believe. Before you walked in that door tonight, the last thing that happened between us was a lot different. You slept with me. You held me, and rubbed my shoulders, and played with my fucking hair. You gave me your shirt. And now you come in acting like none of that ever happened?" You found yourself raising your voice, and reminded yourself that the infirmary was entirely public. As if it would take more than one harsh word from Levi for you to forget that and get even louder.

"You looked too far into it." His tone was cold and harsh and seething, but his face was not. It was confusing, the melancholy glint of his eye and soft set of his features. It was hard to notice in the moment, though, as you were already filled with rage. "Do you honestly think I would have done those things if not to comfort you?"

You were taken aback. You stuttered on your words for a moment before you finally stumbled along a suitable reply. "I didn't think you'd do those things even to comfort me, Levi. I thought--"

"You thought that maybe I felt the way you feel about me. I don't. It's inappropriate for you to even think that way." You felt tears start to well up in your eyes, from anger or sadness you weren't sure. "What was I to do? I did what I did to comfort you. Nothing more. I don't want to talk about this. Goodnight."

You felt utterly demolished. Without another word, you turned away from him and squeezed your eyes shut. When you woke up, he was gone.

Jean nodded as you finished telling him what happened, his face looking somewhat sad. He reached his arms out to you, unsure of what to say. You let yourself fall into them, fighting back tears until they finally prevailed.

At least you had him.

---

Levi sat at his desk in his suite, a fresh pot of tea perched at his side as he worked on Erwin's latest assignment. The sky was dark and rainy, the prospect of nicer weather looking rather bleak. The sight of tears in your eyes had been the itch on his mind all day, leaving him unable to focus. He was angry.

Anger was not unfamiliar to him. It was uncomfortable, of course, but not abnormal. Being angry with himself was most common, and this was no exception. Why did he allow himself to get so close to you?

He considered for a moment that he was wrong, that maybe it wasn't the inappropriate mess he foresaw when he looked at you a bit too long, or reached out his hand to caress you. On the other hand, he was your superior, and you were known to make trouble. What would his peers think? What would yours? It was difficult for him to come to any other conclusion.

He was no stranger to isolation. He considered the people he had allowed in before, knowing that, besides Erwin, they were all gone now. No matter how invincible you may seem, he could not deny that you were in danger every single day, as all of the scouts were. That was made apparent when you were injured. He didn't understand why that thought made him want to get even closer to you.

Despite all of this, he still felt a strange feeling when he looked at you. This was the only new thing -- the anger, the isolation, and the fear were all entirely normal, but the way he longed for you was not. He laid his head in one hand; it ached with confusion.

He straightened up when he heard a knock at the door. "Who is it?" he asked, somewhere deep down hoping it was you. When Commander Erwin came in, he refocused -- but the last thought in his mind was that he couldn't continue on with you, no matter how badly he wanted to.

#AoT #aot x reader #aot fanfiction #aot fic #levi attack on titan #levi x reader #levi ackerman #levi aot #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #snk #snk x reader #snk fic #slowburn #enemies to lovers #levi angst #levi smut #levi fluff #levi ackerman x reader

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laceymorganwrites · 4 years ago

Text

Souvenir

Word count: 2,076

Pairing: Mikey x fem!reader

Warnings: swearing, corruption

Summary: You´re a police officer, a bad one. Or a terribly good one. Depends on which side of the law you stand. Mikey is interested in you, so are you but it can´t be that easy, can it?

A/N: happy birthday to this maniac

Song inspo: Souvenir by Avril Lavigne

THIS CONTAINS MANGA SPOILERS

It was a hot summer day, the sky was clear and the heat in the city unbearable. A vacation was definitely long overdue.

Your parents had a vacation home at the coast but they themselves were currently hiking in the mountains. You were against it, telling them to do something more relaxing, after all they weren´t the youngest anymore. It was always you who took care of them, that was how it was supposed to be, not the other way around.

However they didn´t see it that way, saying as long as they were alive they´d always support you and take care of you, you were all they had after all.

And yet they always said you were the one working too much. You really didn´t. You loved your job, but compared to everything they´ve done for you, everything they continued to give up to ensure you have the best life possible, it was nothing.

Of course you were grateful! How couldn´t you be? But it just always felt like it wasn´t enough, you wanted to do something for them too, yet you could never get the chance.

Being a police officer made your private and personal life very hard.

The reason you took this job was because you wanted to create a safer neighborhood for your parents. And you got so lucky, being just a regular officer taking care of small town thugs. Every time you hear about your colleagues working on taking down a gang, you shuddered.

They were the ones who lost their families first. Of course their work was noble and they were so brave but you just couldn´t bear the thought of losing your parents.

Sure, it was selfish, but they were all you had. What did you care whether some gang wreaked havoc in the city? Let them. You never cared about the city and its people anyway, never really having any friends that lasted.

However your station was assigned to take down the Bonten, every officer had to work on that, no matter what their job was before that. That really was the last thing you needed or wanted right now. And because you were you, you didn´t listen. You just kept doing your work, finding any excuses to go on a standard patrol, saying you´d look for their hideout or something. It was all bullshit.

“Fucking great… mom, dad, thanks for everything you did for me. If I don´t come home anymore, if you´ll never find my body: thank my idiot boss who thought it was a great idea to take out the most dangerous guys in town. Fuck him! Doesn´t he have a family he cares about? There´s an order in this city, he can´t just disrupt it, fucking asshole” you grumbled, a bad habit you had. Every time you were mad about something you had to say it out loud, though you didn´t care if people thought of you as the crazy lady who talked to herself. At least that way they stayed away.

You heard a small chuckle from one of the alleyways, turning around and laughing at the absurdity.

That, was how you met Mikey.

He wasn´t anything like you imagined and that made him scarier than anyone else you could ever dream of meeting. Something that surprised you was that he didn´t kill you on the spot, neither did he have his underlings do it somewhere else, a clean job like it was usual for them.

No, they kept you alive. More than that: they wanted you to cooperate with them. They knew you were on their side and wanted to keep them in the game so that your parents could live a peaceful life. So why should they kill you? Besides, Mikey always found that interesting. The fact that you, a normal citizen with the most boring job imaginable, you out of all people understood that the city needed Bonten to survive, to keep the peace. It was fascinating to him. Everyone else was still believing that gangs like theirs, ruthless criminal organizations, should be exterminated. But not you. You wanted to preserve them and had such a… stupidly admirable determination in your eyes.

Mikey couldn´t help but become infatuated with you. That was why he came to greet you personally, something he never did.

And that was how you started working together, you kept them updated on the investigation, got rid of some proof and evidence and nobody suspected a thing. You were so incompetent at this kind of work that it just worked. You were doing such a good job for them, it left Mikey speechless and actually for the first time in a long time did he feel something else than utter numbness. He liked watching you work, finding it so funny how you deceived everyone around you, you were just as ruthless as him.

But there was a difference between the two of you that kept him looking and coming your way: you did it out of kindness. You were a genuinely kind person, even to him, sometimes he hoped especially to him.

He didn´t like the thought of distractions like yourself but then again he was the boss, he could do whatever he wanted. He was still invincible.

Now the only question was: how did you go about having a crush? He never gave it much thought, you were different than the women he used for a distraction. He wanted to get to know you, but didn´t know how. That wasn´t something he could get as easily as everything else. But that just made it so much more fun to him.

You were so integrated in his life and in the gang by now that he asked you to be an official member, still working at the police station to help them out.

Of course you said yes. You weren´t stupid, this was the easiest and best decision in your life.

Now you were sure that your parents were safe, as if the Bonten would kill their own. Well they did, but only the traitors.

And you´d never be one, they knew that. Even the most skeptical ones out of the lot trusted you by now.

Mikey was… special to say the least. He was a ruthless leader like everyone told you but nobody told you about the broken parts, nobody told you that he covered up all of his pain and hurt with sleepless nights and bloody murder. Though their murder was anything but bloody, it was clean and calculated.

You liked it that way. It was even more cruel and very thought out. Still, he needed a break and everyone could tell. Of course nobody dared to say anything. Never defy me, that was the sole rule everything was based on.

Protect the king.

Especially Sanzu was loyal to him, not that the others weren´t but he was very suspicious towards you. That was why you stayed away from him, no matter what you said or did he always thought you were a spy and honestly if it weren´t for the others you were sure you´d be dead by now.

The only reason you weren´t was because Mikey told him explicitly not to.

To this day you wondered why that was. But you´d find out soon enough.

This morning Mikey told you that you´d be the one to dispose of any proof with him this time.

Which basically meant going to a vacation home as an alibi, it was near the port and in this time a lot of students were there too since it were holidays too.

Somehow the thought of being alone with Mikey excited you more than it should, it was dangerous, you knew that.

And even so…. Or maybe precisely because of that, you fell in love with him.

There was something about the unreachable nature of him, people couldn´t help but keep looking at the burning building collapsing. Your presence was the gasoline.

“I came here often as a kid” he explained when you two arrived at the house. It was in the woods, but still close to the beach and port. Perfect to get rid of proof.

You didn´t expect him to talk to you, least of all about private things. Then again maybe he just needed someone to talk to, someone who saw him as Manjiro and not the coldblooded gang leader.

Some would say you had a savior complex and maybe they were right but what was so wrong about feeling special when you were with him? About him sharing things with you he didn´t share with anyone else?

“Sometimes I wonder where it all went wrong…” he sighed, a sad smile on his face. You could tell how hard it was for him to even do that. It was tragic, really. But then again he had it coming.

Mikey wanted the world and he got it. Mikey was ruthless and always got his way, he didn´t care about anything else but power and bloodshed. There was this darkness inside of him that was consuming the little pieces that were still left of Manjiro.

“Would you change it if you could?” you asked, eyes grazing his slightly.

“Well I can´t so there´s no use talking about it” he mumbled, his eyes wandering to the surface your hand was resting upon.

Yours was so different than his… so soft and clean, so fragile.

His was calloused, had seen more blood than human warmth and was always cold because who would voluntarily touch it?

You.

His heart jumped slightly as he felt your fingers entangled with his own. This sensation was so foreign to him, he couldn´t help but smile slightly.

You made him do things he hasn´t in ages, smile and feel for instance.

“Sometimes I wish I could stay here forever” he mumbled, looking down.

He looked so tired, he always looked so tired. You wondered if he ever slept. Though you highly doubted it.

“Staying a day more wouldn´t hurt, right? I mean you have to be here once a year anyway, why not stay the night?” you suggested. Mikey smiled sadly, he could do it… he was the boss after all. But he feared that if he did he would never want to leave again. And then he wouldn´t.

“Hm...I guess you´re right...I knew it would be a good choice to have you work with us” he smiled slightly but there was his usual sadness and tiredness in it. You smiled back at him, shutting your brain off for a moment to wrap your arms around him and pull him into a tight hug. Because right now, all the other times, he just looked like he needed one.

And you were right, by the way he held onto you, the way he relaxed into your touch. He really needed this. It were moments like these were he wished that he could stay like this forever and just not go back to his life. But he chose this life and he won. He made it to the top. But as clichee as it sounded, that was also where it was the most lonely. If you weren´t there beside him he´d have given up on himself a while ago.

The darkness was so easy to control around you.

You smiled at him, going back inside and getting the job done.

The next day felt like you were in a different world. It felt like a normal holiday you both knew as children and never ever had since then. You two would eat together, watch the sunrise together, even play in the ocean a bit.

Mikey even gave you his shirt when you were cold.

“Keep it” he told you when you were packing away everything, the day was over faster than any of you liked. But it also felt like an eternity, like you could truly escape from everything.

“As a promise. Meet me here this time next year, no matter what happens, okay?” he asked, he had a gentleness in his voice that you didn´t recognize, but it must´ve been there all his life. The cruelness just suppressed it all the time.

“Okay, it´s a promise” you smiled, taking his shirt and putting it in your bag so that the others wouldn´t see. For now everything would return to normal, whatever it was that you two had would have to happen in secret, in your sanctuary.

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers writing #tokyo revengers imagines #tokyo revengers oneshot #tokyo revengers angst #tokyo revengers scenarios #tokyo revengers drabbles #tokyo revengers fic #tokyo revengers fanfiction #tokyo revengers x y/n #tokyo revengers x you smut #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers x you #tokyo revengers mikey #sano manjiro x reader #mikey x reader

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lizbotw · 4 years ago

Note

hi!! can I ask for some shouto headcanons with a s/o who has frequent nightmares? ty! ily

Todoroki With a S/O That Has Frequent Nightmares

hi! wow, i really loved this request and enjoyed writing it! once again, it's a bit on the longer side and more scenario-like than just plain headcanons, so i hope you like it! tysm, ilyt!!! ♡

Todoroki Shouto

Everyone knows school is just plain hard and going to the top hero school in the nation meant things were… less than easy for you and your classmates.

All-nighters were common, especially now that everyone was living in the dorms together and were up to antics at all hours of the night, even despite the scolding of Iida (Aizawa admitted he couldn't care less what the class did as long as they kept it down and didn't cause too much trouble—just don’t interrupt his sleep and everything is all good).

It’s not like it was unusual for someone to complain offhandedly about being tired one day, or for your classmates to be spotted with eye bags, so no one ever thought to point out the sleepy look you seem to sport regularly from being kept up all night.

Everyone was basically kept up later than intended one way or another, whether it be finishing an assignment last minute or staying up to finish a movie, so they sympathized with your plight, assuming that it was similar to their own—but what they didn’t know was that the reason you were up was much different than any of their reasons.

While they slept peacefully only a few floors away from you, or sometimes even a few doors down the hallway, you were plagued by dark images, the type that twisted around in your mind, growing in ferocity and coiling around your heart with sticky, inky blackness so tightly that you felt as though you couldn’t breathe—any attempts against them that you took seemed futile and you always woke up gasping for air, a cold sweat breaking out across your forehead as your chest heaved, heavy with emotion.

You'd gotten used to hiding it, having been dealing with them for quite a while now, and while you eventually learned to brush them off due to their frequency, in the dead of the night, whenever they struck you, you felt as powerless and hopeless as the very first time they arrived.

It was only in the light of day that you were able to be reasonable with yourself and in which the fears lost most of their power (they were never completely gone though, the thoughts lingering in the back of your mind and causing you to mull over them whenever there was a dull moment in class and your attention started to drift).

Perhaps it's because you had these nightmares that you made the most of the energy you had during the day, fighting in your own way in the light to prove that you were still powerful, even if you were stripped of that power every night.

You'd adapted to running on only a few hours of sleep and tried to take short naps throughout the day to make up for lost time (although it was still hard after particularly difficult nights where you got almost zero relief from the terrifying images), so by the time life in U.A. came about, you were able to tough it out and focus on your training.

Speaking of training, you were vicious in class battles, taking many by surprise and were able to render several of your weaker classmates immobile in capture exercises and swept them off of their feet relatively quickly in one on one fights, including a certain “IcyHot” boy (although the way in which you swept him off his feet was much different—it was hard to beat him in normal fights anyway, but when it came to matters of the heart he was forced to surrender).

Your pure power may have caught his attention at first, but it wasn’t until Shouto spoke to you more and your personality came out that he was truly faced with the fact that he was falling for you hard.

A series of mishaps and a fair share of intervention from the rest of Class 1-A later and you two were miraculously dating and even could finally rest easy—they definitely had their work cut out when it came to getting you two together, but they ultimately bit the bullet because they could not stand the mutual pining and hopeless romanticism that continuously went on between you two.

It may take a while for Shouto to realize that spending the night at each other's dorms is a romantic™ thing couples do and that he should offer that up. That would be a great alternative actually versus the current are arrangement of that whenever you come over to study during the afternoons with him (which quickly turns into night because wow, time sure flies when you're being tortured by textbooks), and once it gets late enough, he comments about what time it is and how both of you should start getting ready for bed—effectively forcing you to leave his dorm. Don't blame him—the thought just never crossed his mind.

It was actually Mina, wanting to pry in on all U.A. relationships and resident sucker for romance, that probably brought the idea to his attention.

Something about asking how you two spent time together turned interrogation when she realized he could be clueless about certain things and made it her personal mission to school him on all things romance.

And then came the question, “So, have you guys had a couple’s sleepover yet?”

“A what?”

“Mina, please stop, just leave the poor guy alone,” came Jirou’s chiding from somewhere in the background. Mina had dragged her along with her for unknown reasons, but Jirou had made it very clear that she did not want to be there, slowly distancing herself from the conversation and discreetly trying to slip away.

While Mina took up arguing with Jirou about the “necessity” of these questions and Jirou facepalming and asking Mina why she didn’t just bring Hagakure (second in command on all things romance) with her, Shouto took the chance to mull over Mina’s words.

“And what does this... ‘couple’s sleepover’ entail exactly?” he interrupted their bickering after a few moments of contemplation and being unable to come up with an answer himself.

Mina absolutely lit up at that and turned to him once again, scuffle with Jirou long forgotten. “I am so glad you asked! Well, first of all-”

“She just means spending the night at each other’s dorms,” Jirou interrupted before Mina could go off on another tangent. Shouto turned to look at Jirou now and found her boredly examining her nails before then switching to nervously clinking the ends of her earphones jacks together when she noticed he was watching her.

“Then why-”

Jirou interrupted him this time. “Why did she call it a ‘couple’s sleepover?’ I don’t know, why don’t you ask Mina herself?”

It only took her a fraction of a second to realize her mistake when Mina opened her mouth to unleash the lengthy explanation she had prepared and Jirou immediately cut her off again before the damage could be done.

“Actually, never mind, don’t ask her. I don’t think I have to explain the sleepover part. Just spend the night doing fun things, like playing games or watching a movie or something, I don’t know. Typical sleepover things. And the couple’s part is because… well, you’re dating aren’t you? Bam, a couple.” She did unenthusiastic jazz hands at that. “Hmm… and I guess that means the sleepover activities will be more romantic than a typical sleepover too.” She scrunched her nose at the idea, not even wanting to imagine what that sort of description would entail.

Mina was getting antsy next to her, desperate to jump into the conversation with her own input and Jirou finally seemed to notice it. “Looks like Mina wants to go-” (“What? No, I don’t-”) “So see you later, Todoroki.” She grabbed Mina’s arm with one hand and gave Shouto a small wave goodbye with her free hand—one that he returned—as she pulled Mina away. “Oh, and don’t worry too much about it,” she said over her shoulder, “It’s literally just spending some time together and you do that already, right? The only difference is that this time it’ll be overnight, so just act natural. It’s not some big fancy event despite what Mina’s name for it might suggest.” And with that the two were gone, disappearing down the hallway in a fit of distant, mumbled bickering about how Mina is no longer allowed to give unsolicited love advice and how Jirou needs to learn the ways of love to truly understand, leaving Shouto all alone with his thoughts, trying to decipher what the fuck just happened.

Truthfully, he was always sad to see you go after a day of hanging out, wishing he could spend more time with you. For some reason he thought that as soon as night came, you deserved to head back to your own dorm for a proper night’s rest. He was just being concerned for your well being, isn’t that what proper boyfriends did? He considered the idea once of what if you spent the night together?, and despite that literally addressing all of his issues from before, he still brushed off the idea because it was preposterous. Shouto, where are your thinking skills???

After a while of back and forth with himself over the wisdom Mina and Jirou had bestowed upon him, he made the decision that next time things would be different.

Another late night study session had you packing up your things once you noticed the blinking alarm clock on Shouto's desk had stuck 11 P.M., the process routine at this point and you no longer waiting for your boyfriend to end the study session himself.

You rose and starting gathering the papers sprawled across his floor into a neat stack in your arms, absentmindedly talking about the things you had to do tomorrow as you went—it was like you were just inputting some closing remarks before calling it a night and Shouto fell easily into the conversation as he slipped stray pens and highlighters back into his pencil case.

You two usually cleaned up amongst the quiet hum of your words—discussing how you felt about the upcoming test, subjects either of you needed more help on next time, and what you were looking forward to eating for breakfast in the morning—but this night had Shouto's eyes straying away from the mess at his feet to you. Your back was to him most of the time, but even when you were facing him as you gathered up your books, your attention was focused on said objects, rather than him.

You guys didn't look at each other much as you cleaned, he realized—it was an obvious observation, but he still had the thought as he watched you, taking note of how this was just the perfect chance to admire you.

When you turned to him at one point though, gaze piercing, he quickly averted his eyes, shifting them to a highlighter that lay in front of him in your general direction, reaching to pick up. He ran his thumb over the smooth, bright yellow cylinder of it as you walked over to him, crouched down, hands planted on his shoulders, and leaned in to brush your lips against his. His eyes fluttered close and he leaned into the kiss, pushing back against you. He moved to deepen it, about to grip onto the fabric of your shirt for leverage, the highlighter rolling out of his grip, but the kiss was over in a matter of seconds and he opened his eyes, finding your smiling face right in front of him. You gave him a brief kiss on his cheek, as though to sign it off, and he had to admit that the heat of your face against his felt nice.

“Night, babe,” you said as you got up and turned to walk over to your bag that lay by the door.

“Night…” Right, that was just one of your normal goodnight kisses. That was also part of the routine but… something about the idea that that was the last kiss of the night didn’t sit right with him.

Shouto studied you once more, tongue in cheek, as he watched you stuff the papers and books you had gathered up back into your bag. The contemplative look never left his eye—it seemed as though you hadn’t noticed his staring from earlier so he was a bit more bold and confident about doing it now—and he almost lost himself to a trance of watching your methodical movements of picking something up from the pile of books you had lain at your feet and slipping them into the bag one by one.

When you slung the bag over your shoulder and moved towards the door, turning back to give him a final wave goodbye, he stiffened, remembering his plan.

“Wait-” He scrambled to his feet as you watched him in confusion, hand already on the doorknob. “Um… do you want to stay the night?” He flinched internally at the unsureness in his voice and straightened up, crossing his arms to create some semblance of nonchalance. “I mean, only if you want to. We don’t have to keep studying. I have a… movie? If you want to watch that together?”

Shouto’s eyes carefully tracked your movements, trying to gauge your reaction.

You tilted your head in bewilderment at the sudden offer, but then you grinned brightly and dropped your bag back at your feet, it landing on the ground with a thud from all of the heavy books inside. “Okay,” you beamed and Shouto was sure he was about to faint.

He followed Jirou’s advice to a T, or at least he tried to. He meant to ask if you wanted to play Monopoly but Kaminari had stolen it from the dorm’s game closet and refused to hand it over because his plans for the night included kicking Sero’s, Kirishima’s, and Bakugou’s asses at the game (Mina was there to be the unbiased banker because the boys were so sure that one of them kept stealing money out of the bank whenever no one was looking and Jirou was just there to bask in the chaos that was sure to ensure—when Mina and Jirou caught sight of Shouto, they both gave him a knowing look).

The loss of the Monopoly board meant you two instead played with the dingy Uno card deck Shouto found buried in his school supply drawer (he was pretty sure it was Midoriya’s and in his mind sent him a silent thank you—as for if he was going to give the desk back or continue “borrowing” it… well, that depended on how much you enjoyed playing with him).

You won three times in a row, but also Shouto seemed to keep getting distracted by something (spoiler alert: it was your smile) and you realized he wasn’t even playing his best cards most of the time so you easily crushed him. You clapped your hands in celebration at every victory and Shouto noticeably increased his speed while shuffling the deck whenever you did that (oh yeah, he was definitely keeping these, sorry, Deku).

You two eventually got around to watching the movie he had brought up before on his laptop, you slotted comfortably under his arm while it hung around your shoulder, and even had a late night snack run per your request (snack run = sneaking into the kitchen and stealing the plate of hot pockets Kaminari was making to supplement his game night—better yet, you made Shouto do the stealing with him timing his crime perfectly and waiting for Kaminari’s back to be turned.)

(You supervised the whole thing by peeking around a hidden corner, barely containing your laughter, and then jumped in to distract Kaminari right when he was about to turn around before quickly taking your leave once Shouto was out of sight. Kaminari’s screams once he realized what had happened could be heard down the hallway as you two rushed back to the elevator, stolen goods secured and you laughing freely.)

(You’re pretty sure you heard Shouto mumble, “How’s that for Monopoly, you electric bitch,” and while you’re honestly not sure what he’s talking about, you support his energy nonetheless.)

Soon it was time to actually sleep and you two were curled up under his blanket, limbs tangled together. You had taken brief naps together before so this wasn’t exactly anything new (even though it was, judging by what a big deal everyone had made of it, including you two), but you found yourself appreciating once again how Shouto was the perfect person to sleep against—he regulated his body temperature exactly how you liked it and you found yourself nodding off to sleep easily in between the quiet whispers about nonsensical late night topics between you two.

The brief concern about your nightmares had completely slipped your mind at this point—you found that short naps meant that they didn’t have much time to strike and since said naps were what you were used to with him, you forgot that this was a full night ordeal. When he had first proposed the idea of a sleepover, you had thought it would be good to have someone else there to comfort you, but then felt guilty about being selfish and wondered if your reaction to the nightmares would scare him off—although you eventually pushed those thoughts to the side because no way would you turn down spending some quality time with your boyfriend, and the night of fun had led to never returning to mull over that internal conflict.

You two fell asleep at some point without even realizing it, peaceful in each other's arms—that is, until a few hours later when disaster struck because of course something just had to ruin your perfect night.

Shouto blearily blinked his eyes open, confused at the sound that reached his ears and brain slow to comprehend what exactly was going on. It took him a moment to suck in a breath to clear his mind and decipher the situation, shifting in place—that is, until his arm brushed against yours and he stilled, mind suddenly clear as it recalled the events of the last hour he had been awake. You were spending the night with him.

Carefully, he sat up, head pounding a little. He brought up a hand to rest on top of his head, fingers curling around his hair and massaging away the beginnings of a headache. And then he heard it again—the sound that had woken him up. A quiet whimper maybe?

He was back to being confused, except now his eyes were darting around the room suspiciously, ready to go on the defensive, especially because you were next to him. U.A. had a proper security system, didn't it? He shouldn't be worried. Although, then again, his mind kept returning to those thoughts of uncertainty and how villains had been able to endanger his classmates time and time again recently.

The shuffling of blankets and a sharp intake of breath had him refocused within a second and he looked down at you. Eyes now adjusted to the darkness, he could make out your face against the backdrop of his pillow, your features twisted into a troubled expression, teeth pulling on your bottom lip. Your hands gripped the blanket in a tight fist, your arms shaking a little.

You continued squirming under the blanket until you eventually kicked most of it off of you, almost as if there was someone there that you meant to hit. Your mouth curled into a silent scream, ragged breaths coming out in huffs as your chest rapidly rose and fell. He could tell you were mumbling now, voice low enough that he couldn't exactly make out what was being said—the syllables coming out in quick bursts and half formed as your focus seemed to jump from topic to topic, each of them bringing you increasing distress.

Shouto had been watching you in horrid fascination, unable to take his eyes off of you as much as his mind screamed at his body to just fucking move, but when a sliver of moonlight coming in from his window—peeking out from behind a gap in the drapes he hadn’t pulled together close enough—caught the glint of tears brimming your eyes, he was quick to react, gripping your upper arm and, as gently as he could while still being firm, shook you. "(Y/N)!" he hissed, not wanting to startle you, "Wake up, please. What's wrong?"

It took a few tries—him wanting to snap you back to consciousness right away, but also afraid of hurting you or making things worse—but before a minute had passed you were coming back to reality, forcing your eyes open as you realized the images plaguing you hadn't been real. You sat up quickly, almost bumping your head against Shouto's (not that you even noticed he was there), your breaths coming hard and fast.

You completely forgot where you were for a moment, just focusing on calming down, and it wasn't until Shouto managed a quiet, "(Y/N)?," concern clearly lacing his voice, that you whipped your head around to face him.

And then your eyes slowly traveled around the rest of the room, recalling where you were. If he hadn't been there, the unfamiliar environment probably would have made you feel alarmed when you came to and make you start wondering if you were stuck in another nightmare again.

You heard Shouto clear his throat as he looked at you curiously, and your eyes snapped back to him. Just the sight of him had your eyes watering and before you knew it, you had flung yourself into his chest, fingers finding purchase in the loose fabric of his shirt.

He easily managed to steady you two from the momentum of you crashing into him and wrapped his strong arms around you, squeezing you to him as you sobbed into his chest.

It would take a little while for him to calm you down and although he was incredibly concerned, he made sure to be the rock you needed and let you take all the time in the world to stabilize yourself.

You would probably be a little embarrassed to tell him about your dream, especially now that you were more lucid, and may even start apologizing for your behavior earlier until he cuts you off because you had every right to react as you did.

After a bit of coaxing, along with you realizing you felt comfortable around him and that you shouldn't worry about him judging you for something as trivial as this, you opened up and told Shouto about your frequent nightmares. He would play with your hands as you talked to let you know it was okay and a silent kiss—soft lips against yours—would confirm that he loved you no matter what.

Shouto wouldn’t mind staying up late into the early hours of the morning with you if you wanted to talk about what you had experienced and may even suggest that you two sneak down to the dorm kitchen and get something to eat and drink (now that was fun—teasing him by pretending to be on a spy mission and forcing him to glance around all of the corners with you, as though you were suspicious about someone catching you? absolutely gold).

Just laying together and talking because you didn’t want to go to sleep would be fine with him, even if you insisted that he should get some rest. He didn’t want you to feel bad about the situation or think that you were a burden, so he did his best to take your mind off of it.

If you wanted to stay up longer, you might watch another movie or even play a few more rounds of Uno (Kaminari, the bastard, still had Monopoly locked in his room for some reason and hadn’t returned it to the game closet—now not to say that Shouto considered leaving an anonymous tip to Iida about the blonde breaking the unwritten rules of the dorm by not returning the game as soon as he was done with it but… yeah, he definitely considered it).

Expect sleepovers to become a lot more common between you two from then on, especially after you admitted that having Shouto there made things a lot more bearable. Whether it be in your dorm or his, both of you were always open to falling asleep in each other's arms whenever the other person asked.

At your next late night hang out session, you two even played Monopoly!

(Shouto had frozen Kaminari’s feet to the ground when he saw him running towards the game closet to snag the game again, and then calmly walked off with his prize after plucking it from the shelf while Kamianri wailed in distress and tried to unstick his feet and pull them free. Shouto couldn’t help but crack a small grin to himself in victory as he walked away.)

Per your request, you two invited some of the other students to play Monopoly because it was always fun with more people (for some reason, Shouto expressly stated that Kaminari was not to be invited and while you were confused, you just shrugged and agreed, even when you heard him say something about forcing the blonde go through “Monopoly withdrawal” as a punishment—you decided not to question him on that point), and a few of those who didn’t want to play just came to watch as well.

(Midoriya was one of those who came to play and while he was glancing around the room, his eyes landed on Shouto’s desk and he squinted in confusion, scrutinizing the little deck he saw tucked in the corner.)

(“Hey, Todoroki, are those my Uno car-”)

(“Nope. Oh look, you just landed on Boardwalk and Uraraka has a hotel there. You only have $200, right?”)

(“Wha- oh, fu-”)

Shouto had to deal with his fair share of nightmares as a child and if you ever want to talk about what the latest disturbing image that had haunted you was, he’ll always be available. In turn, he feels ready to open up about his own fears to you, all while soothing away yours. Talking with him feels natural, just like anything else involving him, and not keeping everything bottled up has definitely helped you more, causing your performance both in class and out in the battlefield to improve.

Your chest definitely feels a lot lighter these days and your dark circles seem to be fading. You probably owe those to your wonderful boyfriend turned portable heater (what? he’s perfect for when you want to take naps and now that he knows about your nightmares during the night, you no longer have to explain to him why you like to sleep so frequently during the day).

Shouto is nothing short of supportive and if there’s anything you ever need to ease the nightmares and lull you off to sleep—whether it be him buying you a diffuser you saw online, getting you a custom sleeping mask, or just you needing him to whisper sweet nothings into your ear and pepper kisses along your temple to help you fall back asleep after being jolted awake again—he’s always there to provide it.

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knifefather · 4 years ago

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➼ Title: Tutor Me, Chapter 4 ➼ Pairing: Diego Brando/Reader, Johnny Joestar/Reader ➼ Fandom: JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure ➼ Word Count: 3.8k ➼ Rating: Explicit, 18+ ➼ Contains: Chubby AFAB!Reader, college AU, angst, and sexy fantasies! This is the fourth chapter of this work!

ミ★ View this on ao3! ★彡

ミ★ Twitter | Ko-Fi | Commissions Info ★彡

Preview

After finishing giving Johnny an explanation of the question he was working on, the blond took a minute to gaze at you. “I didn’t know that you were this studious. Maybe you should start tutoring me instead of Diego. Lord knows that I need the help more than him,” Johnny joked with an edge of seriousness in his voice, motioning to the red pen on his page where you marked questions wrong.

His comment hit you like a ton of bricks. Suddenly, your mind was swarmed with ideas of you and Johnny having the same kind of study sessions that you and Diego did.

Before the lewd thoughts could escalate any further, you blinked them away, closing your gaping mouth. You had to get it together before he began to suspect anything. Johnny was grinning at his words, and you stuttered your way through a response. “I-I don’t know, I’ll have to see what I have going on…” you replied, trying to brush it off as best as you could.

He laughed at you playfully. “I’ll hold you to that.”

Monday couldn’t come fast enough. You were elated to take Diego up on his promise that you both would study after school. Though it was unlikely that you would have sex again, part of you hoped that he would make another move on you during your session. Even if it wasn’t a sexual advance, you wanted some sort of hint that perhaps he was having the same feelings you were. The blooming feelings in your bosom were hard to place, but you knew that at this point, you viewed him as more than your classmate. More than just a friend, even. Diego was special to you and you were excited to see him again.

The flow of your thoughts was interrupted at the sound of Dr. Kujo clearing his throat and addressing the class.” Everyone, take your seats now. Class is beginning.” Most of the students were aware that Dr. Kujo ran a tight ship, and everyone promptly quieted and settled down. After a few minutes of the class being in session, your brows came together in worry as you realized that Diego wasn’t in the room. That’s okay. He’s late. He’s always late, but he shows up eventually… you thought to yourself, nervously tapping your pencil against the desk. That much was true. And when he did show up, he always made a scene and was incredibly loud about entering the class. Usually, Dr. Kujo didn’t take his buffoonery kindly and sternly told him to shut up and take a seat.

But that didn’t take place. Your professor instructed the class to take out their textbooks and flip to a specific page, but you weren’t paying attention to which page. A pit of worry formed in your stomach as you realized that Diego wouldn’t be coming to class today. You had mixed thoughts about this: you were worried that he was going to fall even further behind in class, but you were also disappointed that the chance of you studying with him after school was slim. You thought about shooting him a text when you got out of class, and you pondered it for the rest of the lesson. Knowing that you would more than likely be tutoring Diego on this information, too, you made sure to pay extra close attention and take more detailed notes than usual. Even without Diego, the world continued to spin, and your day proceeded as normal.

★・・・・・・★

It’s time for lunch and still no sign of your classmate. You took your usual seat at a lunch table by yourself, sitting your tray on the table. The pit in your stomach earlier scared away your appetite, so instead, you opted to crack open the book that you had been reading. Pulling it from your bag, a sigh escaped you before you began to read once more.

In the novel, the blond hunter is fighting the dark prince for his life while the protagonist is frozen in fear. She snaps out of it when the hunter takes a hard blow to the face. Using her quick thinking, she attacks the dark prince and allows the blond hunter to get a good shot in. However, the prince is meaner, more quick and fierce, and throws off the protagonist before promising her a dark punishment. He badly injures the hunter, who has no choice but to retreat, leaving the protagonist alone. The villain leans down close to her and whispers in her ear the promise of all the ways he will destroy her.

Normally, you would find this much more captivating, especially the suggestive bits, but it did little to arouse you. The book’s contents just made your sour mood grow sourer. As you sat and read, you found yourself feeling disappointed yet again. You weren’t interrupted by Diego like you had become accustomed to. You missed having him around. To keep your mind off of it, you read the book until your next class. By the time you arrived in the classroom, you had a massive headache.

★・・・・・・★

Four o’clock had rolled around and all of your classes were out for the day. Though you knew that it was improbable that Diego wouldn’t show up to the library, you went anyway. You walked into the building, several students still working inside. It was more lively than you were used to, that was for sure. The past few times that you had visited the library, it had been desolate sans you and Diego. You tried to shake those thoughts from your head. Quietly, you sat at a table off in the corner, alone, and waited.

Removing your textbook from your bag, you huffed and opened it up to the first few chapters that you had tried in vain to cover with Diego. This time, you printed out the textbook pages for him, so you wouldn’t be tempted if he read over your shoulder. While you waited, you decided to read more of your book since you had nothing better to do. With an air of sadness, you brought your book from your bag and continued from where you left off during lunch.

The plot of the book only grew darker as you read on. The protagonist has been thrown into a pit of despair, hopelessness grasping her. The dark prince kept her locked away in the cellar, the only light illuminating the space was the light of the moon through the bars of the window. Despite her depression, the protagonist still holds out hope that the hunter would come to save her. Countless times, the dark prince made his way down the cellar, promising her freedom if she would agree to be his queen. She declined every time, knowing that she was strong enough to resist the temptation. There is still no sign of the hunter anywhere. At this point in the story, it seems as though all hope has been lost.

A sharp ping! sound distracted you from the plot of the novel. With a jolt, you looked over at your phone, the screen lit up. First, you scolded yourself for leaving your ringer on while you were in the library and quickly switched your phone to silent. Next, you checked who the offending message was from.

Diego.

Your heart skipped several beats, making you feel as though you got the wind knocked out of you. Greedily, you opened the message and read what he had to say.

Diego 4:29 pm Hey. Just wanted to let you know I’m not gonna be there tonight.

The thundering of your heartbeat stuttered to a halt. The warm, giddy feeling that filled you before fell away to coldness. The disappointment formed an icy ball in your stomach. You could feel your frame drooping involuntarily. Though, you were curious as to if he was okay, and decided to ask him just that.

You 4:29 pm Hi. That’s okay. Where were you today? Are you doing alright?

Diego 4:31 pm You’re really good at asking too many questions

Diego 4:33 pm But if you must know, I’m training for the tournament. Losing is not an option.

Diego told you that you asked too many questions when you were in the car with him on Saturday. It was when you tried to ask him about his family. Perhaps you struck a nerve? You tried to steer the conversation away from something that was going to make him uncomfortable.

You 4:34 pm Sorry about that.

You 4:36 pm Your grade is going to drop if you don’t study :/

Diego 4:37 pm I don’t care. Winning is more important than a study session

Ouch. That really hurt, not going to lie. You wanted to take what Diego said at surface level and not read into it more than needed and hurt your own feelings. However, the thoughts came anyhow. You couldn’t help but feel that maybe his grades weren’t the only thing that wasn’t important besides winning. Unable to think of what to say in response, you left his message on ‘read’ and stowed your phone. The small device burned a hole in your pocket, your fingers itching to ask him more, but you leave it be. You don’t want to push him further away.

At that moment, you realized that you didn’t have much business in the library if you’re not going to be tutoring Diego. You paid attention in class and took all of the notes, and Dr. Kujo was merciful and decided not to assign homework, so you didn’t have to worry much about Marine Biology. Most of your homework was caught up in your other classes, too. With a heavy sigh, you began to pack up your books and leave.

Defeat settled over you as you walked out onto the sidewalk. You were intent on returning to the dorms until you saw two familiar faces that were about to enter the library. They saw you too, and both of the young men called out to you. Johnny and Gyro were both carrying books, looking like they were getting ready for an intense study sesh. “Hey, y/n! Good to see you here,” Johnny greeted, giving you a large, blue smile. His smile was crooked, but it was endearing and made you smile as well. His face fell a bit when he noticed the expression on your face. Gyro noticed as well, but he stayed quiet. “You don’t look so good. Are you okay?” Johnny asked, giving you a concerned look. They didn’t know about what was going on between you and Diego, and you wanted to keep it that way. The last thing you needed was to lose your friendship with Johnny and Gyro.

“Yeah, I’m okay! What are you guys doing here?” you asked, looking back and forth between the two of them.

“Studying for an upcoming anthropology exam. It’s supposed to be our hardest test yet,” Gyro said, motioning to the stack of books on Johnny’s lap.

Johnny gave an “mhm” and nodded along. “You know, you should come study with us! Or are you on your way out?” Johnny questioned, reaching out to touch your arm gently. You had to fight the blush that was rising to your cheeks as your classmate made contact with you. Gyro stiffened at his gesture, giving you an apprehensive look as you decided on whether or not to join them. Despite the weird look from Gyro, you figured that maybe you could find something to work on in the library after all. The Intro to Humanities notes you took earlier in the day wasn’t very legible because your teacher was talking a million miles a minute. Maybe you’ll rewrite those notes and sit with your friends.

“Actually… I can stay. There’s some stuff that I still need to work on,” you said, much to Johnny’s pleasure.

“Then what are we waiting for? Gyro, can you get the door?” Johnny asked, looking expectantly at his tall friend. Quietly, Gyro opened the door for the both of you, and you all entered the library.

It turns out that you remembered a bit of anthropology from high school. You were able to help Gyro and Johnny study, forgetting about rewriting your notes in favor of helping them. They were both progressing very well through the material, but Gyro moreso than Johnny. It seemed like the man had more of a knack for it, you supposed. After finishing giving Johnny an explanation of the question he was working on, the blond took a minute to gaze at you. “I didn’t know that you were this studious. Maybe you should start tutoring me instead of Diego. Lord knows that I need the help more than him,” Johnny joked with an edge of seriousness in his voice, motioning to the red pen on his page where you marked questions wrong.

His comment hit you like a ton of bricks. Suddenly, your mind was swarmed with ideas of you and Johnny having the same kind of study sessions that you and Diego did.

You envisioned yourself in the library with Johnny instead, alone, the lights dim. You were bouncing on his lap, your dress hiked up while he guided your hips back down to his waist, his callused hands gripping you tight. His blond hair was a mess on his shoulders, his beanie askew while he grabbed you. Blue eyes moved over your form greedily, looking at you as though you were good enough to eat. His cock was piercing you in the most delicious way, angling right into your favorite spot. In your mind's eye, you grabbed his shoulders tighter as he thrust into you.

Johnny’s mouth was open, moaning salacious things to you, that Kentucky twang prominent in his voice. “Come on darlin’, that’s it, move against me,” he moaned in your fantasy, breathing heavily while he rutted into you. “That’s my good girl, take my cock…”

Before the lewd thoughts could escalate any further, you blinked the them, closing your gaping mouth. You had to get it together before he began to suspect anything. Johnny was grinning at his words, and you stuttered your way through a response. “I-I don’t know, I’ll have to see what I have going on…” you replied, trying to brush it off as best as you could.

He laughed at you playfully. “I’ll hold you to that.”

You didn’t miss the way that Gyro’s lips pressed into a thin line. The Italian man played it cool, though, and laughed along half-heartedly with Johnny.

The rest of the study session was nice, and you left with Johnny and Gyro after about an hour or so. The two of them had to practice for the upcoming tournament after studying, so you parted ways with them and headed back to your dorm. While you were walking, you couldn’t shake a certain feeling that was blossoming in your chest. What if you took Johnny up on his invitation to tutoring him? Could you possibly have the same relationship with him that you do with Diego? Or maybe you’re reading his signals wrong? All of the possibilities were present in your mind, and you weren’t sure what to think. On one hand, Johnny was interested in you and would pay you more mind than Diego. However, Diego was the man that you lost your virginity to. And for some reason, you felt a bond with him that you can’t quite shake. You knew in your heart that the events that took place over the weekend changed everything between you and Diego, and that is an unchangeable fact.

The subject weighed heavily on your mind until you reached your dorm room. Hot Pants was there, getting ready to head down to the track. In the middle of putting on her equestrian helmet, she turned and greeted you politely. Chatting with her made your complex thoughts dissipate. Bantering with her was simple, easy. Even though you haven’t known her for very long, you were grateful for her and her ability to keep you from overthinking. She went to practice afterward and you were sad to see her go, now left alone with your deafening thoughts.

★・・・・・・★

It’s almost here, and that thought filled you with dread. It’s Friday, and the tournament is tomorrow. The school week had been rough on your mentality, and you barely saw Diego at all. You caught brief glimpses of him in the halls at school, but he never spared you a glance and always looked straight ahead. It fucked with your emotions, making your already challenging school experience even more difficult to get through. Even though you saw him in the halls, you never saw him in class, and part of you was convinced that he dropped the course. He hadn’t reached out to you since Monday. You thought about texting him first, but you didn’t want to be met with the same cold detachment that he exuded last time. Weirdly, that would have felt worse than being ignored.

Hot Pants, Johnny, and Gyro helped nurse your heartbreak without even realizing how much they were helping. You were beyond grateful for them. In between classes and practicing for the tournament, the four of you hung out almost every opportunity that you could get. The pleasant, budding feelings that you had blooming for Johnny were also a nice distraction from Diego’s absence. Even then, you shouldn’t shake the feeling of loss that tainted your every happy interaction. It felt as if you were going crazy and being with your friends was the only thing that reminded you of saner times.

Hot Pants sat on the edge of your bed in your dorm room, watching one of the newest Netflix dramas that released just that night. The two of you hung out and watched the show while scrolling through your phones periodically, sitting in comfortable silence for the most part. It was nice, relaxing, and definitely what you needed to shake your anxiety.

She knew about everything that happened between you and Diego. The fact that you were quieter when the boys weren’t around tipped her off. One night after class, the pink-haired woman cornered you in the room and asked you about what the hell was going on with you. You spilled everything to her, nearly crying while you went into the details. The crying wasn’t only out of the emotional pain, but also at how embarrassing it was to confess something like that to her. Surprisingly, Hot Pants accepted you and was supportive after you shared your story. While she didn’t have much advice to give, over the following days she was more gentle with you than usual. She would never know how much you appreciated her no matter how many times you told her.

While sitting on the bed, your phone buzzed beside you. Cocking your brow, you picked up the device and saw the message was from Johnny. This was a normal occurrence, but still, it brought a smile to your face when you opened it up.

Johnny 8:21 pm Hey you! <3 I wanted to shoot you a text and see if you’d be coming to the race this weekend?

Johnny 8:23 pm I would love to see you there!

Johnny 8:24 pm You can finally see what all of this practicing has been about ;)

A chuckle rippled through you before beginning to shoot back a reply. However, you hesitated, your fingers slowing. If you accepted the invitation, it is almost certain that you would see Diego at the race. Knowing him, he’d be swarmed by paparazzi and adoring fans, and that was not something that you could handle seeing right now. Though, the question that lingered in your mind was this: What was more important? Supporting the friends that had supported you, or keeping your distance from Diego? After a brief moment of consideration, the answer was clear to you. You texted Johnny back with a look of determination on your face.

You 8:27 pm Hi!! I would love to see you perform at the tournament! I know it’ll be a ton of fun :)

Johnny 8:28 pm Absolutely! I was wondering if you wanted to get dinner with me after the race.

Johnny 8:29 pm Without HP and Gyro, I mean. Just the two of us.

The bulbs of your cheeks were ablaze at the message you just received. Your eyes darted back and forth between the words several times, unable to believe what you read. Hot Pants gave you the side-eye and paused the show. “What’s up with you?” she asked, cocking a pink eyebrow.

You fumbled on your words for a minute before you were able to tell her about what Johnny just asked you. “I think that you should say yes,” Hot Pants said, giving you a steady look. You met her gaze. She understood the reasons why you were thinking about saying no, and yet she encouraged you.

“I think you’re right.��

You 8:32 pm I’m not sure if I can! I have some homework I need to get done before the weekend is up. Maybe if I can finish it I’ll come with you.

Johnny 8:33 pm No problem. Just let me know.

Johnny 8:34 pm Can’t wait to see you there, y/n

You 8:35 pm You too!! <3

A thundering sound was filling your ears as you finished your conversation with Johnny. It was hard to believe that Johnny had asked you out, but here you were, being properly asked out. Now more than ever, you were unsure about your feelings. You had to get some kind of closure for whatever has been going on between you and Diego. Given the time of night, he was probably out of practice and able to use his phone. Already having your messenger app open, you try to reach out to him.

You 8:39 pm Hi there. I just wanted to shoot you a message and say good luck at the tournament tomorrow! I was wondering if I’d be able to talk to you after the race?

For a few minutes, you waited. A response didn’t come. It read “Delivered” so you know a technical error wasn’t the case. Perhaps he’s busy? I’ll probably hear from him tomorrow, you thought to yourself, shrugging. But then you noticed that the “Delivered” line changed to something else.

“Read at 8:52 pm”

By then, Hot Pants had unpaused the program, the episode continuing. Tuning back into the show, you forgot about the message for quite some time. The both of you watched three more episodes, intending to binge the series in one go. The show seemed like it was going to be a typical cliché original, but it was turning out to be pretty entertaining. At some point, Hot Pants left to go use the restroom, and you took the opportunity to see if Diego texted you back.

Nothing.

The only thing that you were met with was the same “Read at 8:52 pm” that you had seen an hour ago.

He left you on read just as you had done to him on Monday. Honestly, you were upset, but you realized that it was fair. Brows furrowed, you locked your phone before sighing deeply. Something had to give, the situation had to change. With that in mind, you formulated a plan.

After the race, you were going to approach Diego when he was alone and ask him about what was going on. You wanted to keep it as private as possible. If he told you to leave him alone, you would drop it and move on with your life. But you couldn’t give up without trying at least once. With this in mind, you were granted some relief. Hot Pants came back into the room and you continued to binge the show, but the plot was the furthest thing from your mind.

#yall its here!!#sorry it took so long omg #diego brando x reader #johnny joestar x reader #not sfw #tutor me #my work #backup #steel ball run

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realllllfangirllllll · 4 years ago

Text

Beyond Lovers || Chp. 24

{More Than Friends Sequel}

Chairman!Jaehyun AU x CEO!Reader AU

Summary: You find yourself falling deeper and deeper in love with the former CEO after overcoming your fear of love. Although there were rough patches, both of you are now stronger than ever. However, you realize that maintaining a relationship and a company at the same time can be very difficult, especially if someone is out to destroy the both of you.

Warning: The vengeance we’ve all been waiting for?

Masterlist

{ Previous / Next }

Credits to rightful owner for this amazing gif

———

1 day ago

Drumming his fingers along the smooth leather steering wheel, Yuta kept watch for any movements on the quiet streets. Soon enough, he spotted his arrogant step-cousin drive up to the gate of her house. Quickly, he got out of his car dashing in front of the moving vehicle. The car came to an immediate stop as the screeching of tires can be heard.

The window to the driver’s seat rolled down and Emily stuck her head out in shock, “Are you fucking crazy?! I could’ve killed you!”

Yuta paid no mind to the risk and gave her a cold smirk, “Why hello my dearest cousin.”

She rolled her eyes, “Don’t ‘hello’ me. I have an important day ahead of me and I have no time to waste by talking to a psychotic sore loser like you.”

Smiling with his arms crossed, he asked, “And what game did I lose?”

“Oh don’t act like you don’t know dear Nakamoto. Weren’t you just begging me over text to give up?” She looked into Yuta's eyes with a wicked smile, “Don’t worry I won’t.”

“Emily. Don’t you fucking dare.”

With her arms crossed, she scoffed and looked him dead in the eye, “Who’s going to stop me?”

His arms shot up to grab her arm over the opened window, “Don’t you even-”

“Even what? Take over SM? Are you scared because you know daddy’s going to make me the heir of YG once I take over this shabby company too?”

Yuta let out a sigh and loosened his grip around her arm. “You know what?” He continued with an exhausted voice, “I give up. You’ll never listen anyway. You just do what you want and see what you want. There’s no stopping you anyways. There never was…”

Emily gave him a sly smile at his words as if she won the unspoken war of nerves. That was until he suddenly gave her a cold smile that sent shivers down her entire body. In a chilling tone, Yuta stared at her and warned, “But every action has its consequences my dear cousin.”

Emily feigned indifference and rolled her windows back up, driving into her house driveway.

Yuta watched with pity as she disappeared into the front door. You always put up an act with everyone just to win a petty competition. It’s what your father raised you to be and there’s no way I can change you. Once this is all over, I hope you will learn to truly be yourself without having to worry whether your father will approve or not.

~~~

The building that started it all. You thought to yourself as you stared at the large building in front of you. You’ve seen the SM building countless times, but today felt different. And oddly enough, you don’t hate it. There was a time you’ve walked in with regret, fearing you’ll have to face your feelings for the man you had a one-night stand with. There was also another time you’ve walked in feeling anger and resentment coursing through your body, ready to meet the person who terrorized your boyfriend’s former position. This time, however, you felt none of those negative feelings. You were instead glad to be back as the person who will claim what’s rightfully yours and Jaehyun’s. This building held as much happiness as it did sadness, and you weren’t going to let some ungrateful chick take that away.

Stepping through the sliding glass doors, you strode in your pointed heels to the lobby desk with Mark by your side. The workers were shocked to see the two of you as you greeted them with a smile. “Wendy, Jisoo. Nice to see you’re still working just as diligently.”

“Y/n… Mark... W-what are you doing here?”

You playfully retorted, “You’re not going to call the security on us are you?”

The two women looked flabbergasted, unsure of whether they should carry out their duty or stay loyal to their former boss’s girlfriend. You chuckled and placed a hand on one of their shoulders. “I’m joking. Lighten up girls!” Taking out your id badge, the girls relaxed their bodies once they saw ‘Conference Attendee’ written on it. You analyzed their behaviors and scoffed, “I don’t know who took away the wit from my front desk girls, but I’ll be sure to bring it back,” you thought for a second as you placed a finger underneath your chin, “in about one hour…” They looked confused by your statement but you simply shared a knowing smile with Mark before scanning your id and passing the heavily-secured entrance.

As soon as you got in the elevator, you and Mark were met with Taeyong and his secretary. Although you have seen him many times, you were still stunned by the power his look held. He dressed in a dark navy blue suit with his hair parted and slicked to the right, much different than when you first met him as a casually dressed barista.

“Mr. Kim, please take the next elevator,” Taeyong firmly told his secretary before the elevator doors closed.

You chuckled slightly, “You know if anyone else did that, it would be extremely rude. But how do you still sound like a gentleman doing that?”

“It’s because I know how to treat my employees properly, and in return, I gain respect.”

You nodded over dramatically, “Wow. So sexy.”

He laughed and slouched a bit from his previous demeanor, “Ok stop teasing me y/n. You know it’s my job to maintain a serious image.”

Taeyong turned to stare at you oddly as you softly nodded, “What’s got you in such a cheery mood? I know everyone else right now is as nervous as I am.” He gestured towards Mark, “Look at this poor boy. He looks like he’s about to take the SAT without studying at all.” Mark responded with a glare as you laughed.

Tilting your head to the side, you tried to find the right words to explain to him. Taeyong cocked an eyebrow, expectantly waiting for a reply. Letting out a chuckle you asked, “Remember when I told you Emily laced my drink with food poisoning?”

He crossed his arms and turned toward you, “How can I ever forget? Jaehyun even had her arrested.” You laughed as Taeyong continued with a furrowed eyebrows, “Did the chairman ever find out?”

You scoffed, “If he did, do you think she’ll be able to attend this board meeting?”

Taeyong gave you an “oh right” as he slowly nodded his head. You chuckled and continued, “But that’s even better for us because now we can finally put this battle to its end. I felt so weak and clueless when I first met Jaehyun. I let Emily poison me, threaten my boyfriend, and even let her get in between my relationship. But you, Jaemin, and even Yuta showed me what it can be to stand up for myself. Frankly, I never thought about my future. I just lived according to what my brother wanted. I always thought that would be the only way to not feel like a disappointment. My exact thoughts were: I disappointed my parents and was abandoned, I don’t want my brother to think I’m a disappointment too.”

Your gaze met Taeyong’s and you saw a look of pity. Chuckling, you told him, “You don’t have to look at me like that.” With a genuine smile on your face, you assured, “I’m not the same person I once was. Jaehyun changed my perspective on life. I guess he showed me what it really felt to be strong, to own up to the world.”

Taeyong mirrored your smile, knowing very well that you were more than capable of handling anything. As the elevator doors opened, you gave him an imperturbable look. “Today isn’t any different.”

~~~

One by one, the shareholders of SM and other crucial directors started to fill the room. A few journalists sat at the side of the packed room, ready to announce to the media anything they find intriguing, or more so, scandalous. A few people gave you odd glances, wondering what NCT’s CEO was doing at SM’s board meeting, especially seated at the very front of the room. You paid no mind to them as you waited for the main characters of today’s show.

Annoyance filled your body as a fuming Emily caught your eye. She marched up to you with anger and looked down at your seated figure, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?”

She radiated negative energy and her impulsive statement caught the attention of other directors and even the reporters. You gave her a sly smirk, “Better keep your anger caged missy.” You glanced around the room and left your gaze lingering a second longer on the vigilant journalists then back to Emily. With a hint of mockery, you told her, “It won’t do you anything good to act like a snarling bitch in front of your VIPs, am I right?”

She looked around and saw the glances she was receiving. Taking a deep breath, she glared at you and left. Swallowing her pride, she took a seat at her assigned chair on the opposite side from you. The seat adjacent to hers was empty, waiting for the chairman to claim its place.

A few minutes later, you felt a tap on your shoulder, and you were met with a bright smile. You reciprocate the gesture as Jaemin sits in between you and Taeyong. As the remaining guests filed into the room, you checked your watch: 10 minutes, 20 minutes, to 30 minutes. It’s been exactly half an hour since you sat down and still, the chairman was nowhere to be found.

You looked at Jaemin and he gave you a slight nod of assurance. Glancing around the room, you can see the people around you were starting to get confused and impatient. However, a smirk appeared on your lips as the door swung open.

One of the directors was about to announce the rescheduling of the meeting but immediately stopped in his tracks. Quickly and nervously, he bowed to the elder and retreated back to his seat. As the chairman announced the start of the meeting through the microphone stand, you saw Emily sit up a little straighter than before.

“Thank you everyone for being patient with this old man.” He spoke firmly into the mic even as he was joking. The other attendees forced a laugh as he continued. “However, I will make this meeting short and concise.”

“As you all know, rumors have been speculating around the media about SM’s position of chief executive officer. I am here today to tell you that it is true.”

Emily’s eyes lit up as her father finished the statement. You saw her give you a cold smile but you brushed it off, waiting for the rest of his announcement.

“It is true,” the chairman cleared his throat, “that SM will no longer have Nakamoto Yuta as it’s CEO.”

Whispers and murmurs could be heard from the back as the reporters discussed amongst themselves. The chairman gave you a look of uneasiness as you stared back ushering him to continue with your eyes.

“However, my daughter, Emily Ahn will not hold the position to this title.” With that announcement, you saw Emily’s shocked gaze at her father as the shareholders and directors started to whisper amongst themselves as well.

The chairman ushered the secretary to turn off the lights as a projector screen lit up the room. “My main goal today is to share with you all the changes that will be taking place in this company the minute we walk out this room. Prior to my appearance at this meeting, I had a discussion with my lawyer to transfer my shares.” He then looked to the projected screen, “As you can all see on this chart, I no longer hold any amount of the shares in this company. What you see on this chart are the current shareholders and the percentage of shares they hold.”

The people in the room burned holes onto the screen, looking to see if, by chance, the chairman would’ve transferred his shares to them. But once they have thoroughly read the chart, they were left speechless. Emily stood out among the rest of the crowd as you, Taeyong, and Jaemin shared a knowing look with each other.

“As of today, the Chief Executive Officer of Starship, A Cup of Coffee, and NCT will be the top shareholders of SM Management.”

The sounds of the secretary furiously typing onto his laptop can be heard as he tried to keep up with the constant announcements. You saw some questioning looks from the shareholders and directors as Emily carried fire in her eyes. You felt her glare never leaving your side. A brave shareholder suddenly spoke up, “Mr. Ahn, with all due respect, I don’t see how any of this makes sense!” A group of shareholders and directors chimed in to agree but stopped immediately once the chairman cleared his throat in a loud manner.

“As you are all very well aware, Starship Enterprises is a major benefactor to SM Management and Lee Taeyong is a major key figure in the promotions of this company. As for-” Before he could continue his justification, Emily screeched out in anger, “As for NCT?! You can’t tell me you’re serious! What have they ever done that could be of use to this company?! They are just some dumpster start-up business that can’t even raise their stocks up!!”

Everyone’s eyes were on Emily now. The journalists smirking as Emily’s rage gave them exactly what they needed. The chairman kept a cool facade as he sighed out, “NCT has been and will continue to be the biggest contributor towards SM Management’s success. It seems my words aren’t enough to convince everyone,” his stare went towards Emily as if to warn her not to cause a scene, but she only reciprocated her father’s intense gaze. “So, I will let the person in question explain.”

Standing up confidently, you turned towards your audience. With your best smile, you rectified, “I’m not the person in question, per se, but I will tell you this today so all misunderstandings are cleared.” Everyone in the room turned towards you waiting for your response to clear up their confusion and anger. “I am the current CEO of NCT, but what has established the growing success of this company has nothing to do with me.” You gave them a shrug and an innocent smile, bathing in Emily’s anger. Continuing to speak, you started to move slowly around the room as if you were targeting your prey, “However, doesn’t one person come to mind when speaking of SM Management’s success? Who has built this company with his blood, sweat, and tears? Who was it that gave you all a high-paying job at this well-known management so you won’t have to crawl back to your family in shame?” You looked directly into the eyes of the directors as they look down in discomfort. You then turned your gaze towards the shareholders and said without remorse, “And do you think the company shares would have any value at all without his hard work in refining this management?” You let out a little laugh at their speechless figures and turned, stopping right next to Emily, “And do you, Miss Ahn, remember how many times this person has left you off the hook for fraud and even harassment?” Defeated, Emily dropped back down to her seat and stayed speechless like the others.

You turned toward the secretary in charge of meeting notes and told him, “Please make sure you get down every word of what I’m about to say. This will be the highlight of this meeting.” He gave you a questioning look but quickly nodded the moment you raised your eyebrow at him, warning him to question you any further. “SM Management has managed to become this successful because Jung Jaehyun was capable of handling this company with his brain and with his heart. If anyone wants to refute this claim then I guess we will be able to see who the traitors of this company are. Hence, the chairman is simply disconnecting his traces on this company because he knows who the real benefactor of SM Management is. Jaemin, Taeyong, and I are fully aware of this and are committed to restoring this company to its former glory.” You paused for a second as you glanced at your phone buzzing in the pocket of your blazer. You smiled and continued, “And if this doesn’t ease your concerns, I believe these two particular people will be able to help with that.”

The projector screen closed as the lights turned back on. Right on queue, the door to the conference room clicked open. Everyone’s eyes widened with shock as Yuta and Jaehyun appeared before the attendees. Yuta wore a sly smirk on his face while Jaehyun held a stone-cold look that could kill. Their crisp suits and slick, gelled hair perfectly accessorized their intimidating persona. A small smile crept up onto your face while Emily, on the other hand, had shaking pupils. The journalists sat up straighter and furiously scribbled all over their notes.

The two men stood side by side at the front of the room capturing everyone’s attention. Yuta spoke first with his firm but laid-back tone, “Clearly, all of you in this room must be taken aback by the changes in shares and the confirmation of my absence. I will tell you all right now that I, myself, have decided to leave from my title as SM Management’s Chief Executive Officer. And not because Miss Ahn over here,” Yuta turned toward the speechless woman next to the chairman and smugly said, “but because this title does not belong to me. However, before I leave my position there is one proposal I am here for. I, along with Ms. y/l/n, have recently flown to discuss with our Japanese investors to have SM Management merge with NCT as a cooperative branch.”

At this rate, the secretary seemed exhausted as he tried to keep up with the news of the meeting. Murmurs can be heard all over the room but everyone settled down the moment Jaehyun moved an inch. He spoke with a powerful yet calm voice, “If this proposal carries over, I, as chairman of NCT, will be handling all deals within both companies. I am sure the directors here at SM Management are capable enough to know whether or not the company will be in good hands. I also believe that the shareholders will understand the benefit and high possibility for the shares to sky-rocket once this merge has been made.”

The shareholders and directors were deep in discussion before the chairman spoke up. “As of right now we will take a vote for and against this proposal. Please keep in mind that your votes would be counted according to the changes I have mentioned earlier. The top 5 shareholders’ decisions will count for three votes each while the rest will be one vote per persons.”

A good amount of hands can be seen for both decisions. Everyone, especially Emily, grew anxious. Turning their attention toward the secretary, everyone awaited for his announcement for the voting, including the reporters and the chairman.

A mix of emotions can be seen as the secretary said, “By a vote of 3, this proposal has passed.”

———

• Back from hiatus! Thank you sm for waiting 🥺•

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escapewriter · 4 years ago

Text

pairing : yunho x reader

synopsis : yunho’s new school life isn’t as simple as it seems

genre : angst, school au, hella sarcasm tho

word count : 2.3k

warnings : lying lol, a bit dramatic too ngl

song playing : lie to me by 5sos (inspired)

a/n : i split these into two parts. the first part i wrote was early mornings or christmas at like 2am. second part i finished the whole thing at 1:30-2am. its always the time that plays a roll in these fics i swear. anyway, i guess its kinda sad? the sarcasm kinda cancels it out cuz pemdas but i hope you guys enjoy it lol. also this isnt proof read cuz i JUST finished it.

ateez masterlist || main masterlist

NOTE : italics is like the events that happened and the regular font is what yunho is thinking ig lol

“Alright, I got a question for you.” Yunho turned his head on the backpack he was laying on to look up at you sitting against the wall, “Have you ever felt, ya know, loved?” There was a slight pause in the air as he sat up, leaning on his forearms while making some sort of ‘tsk’ sound.

“Ha okay okay, next question, do you think about it? Like what it feels like?” He hummed, not knowing how to answer the question. Instead, he wondered how you came up with it in the first place. Were you going through something?

“You good there? You’re not sounding too well.”

“Oh shut up, its a genuine question because I have never seen you in a relationship.”

Yunho scoffed and lied down again, thinking about how ridiculous you sound, “Okay first of all, I’ve only known you for, what? Like 2 months? And second of all, I don’t need to be in a relationship to know what it’s like to feel loved.”

“Cap. There’s a difference between family love and relationship love. And how dare you criticize our 2 month long friendship? You know I’d do anything for you.”

His ears perked up, thinking about what you would do for him. “Anything, you say?” You hummed, taking a bite out of your sandwich. “Alright then, do this for me. Anytime I tell you to lie to me or if I ask if you love me, you say ‘I love you’, and then, maybe, I’ll be able to answer your question. Simple, right?”

But it wasn’t that simple at all, because before he knew it, Yunho just dug his own grave.

Oh yeah totally, that’s already a red flag right there and he knew that but he did it anyway which was the problem. He was hoping that you would show him what it was like to feel loved, and honestly, it actually worked. But that’s not the point here.

The point is, Yunho is having a whole story narration in his head and he isn’t even talking in first person. That’s the point.

But as he continues to think - and also continues to talk in third person - maybe he should be starting from the top. Obviously that whole picture reenactment scene was how it started, but he’s going to dive down deeper. Going back to two months before that scene, so buckle up, it’s going to be a hell of a ride.

Yunho sighed, staring at the building in front of him. He wasn’t sure why his parents decided to suddenly make him move schools, he was perfectly fine with the one he was at before. He dreaded to go in as he didn’t want to ask anyone for directions to the location of the office. Gosh, making friends will be even more difficult for him.

Taking a deep breath, he managed to take the big step of walking through the gates as he made his way through the hallways, all while attempting to avoid eye contact with anyone who looked his way - except everyone was in class already. However, after roaming the hallways, Yunho managed to locate the administration office.

Okay pause. He didn’t mean to get that into detail. Come on Yunho, speed it up a bit will ya? Again with the third person, really?

After speaking with the principal and getting situated with his class schedule, Yunho was assigned a particular student, aka you. What you instructed by the principle was to get him comfortable with his surroundings and fellow classmates. You were honestly dreading this because you didn’t want to have to babysit the new kid, and quite frankly, Yunho didn’t want a babysitter either. But the universe has its ways because there you two were, just two months later, eating your lunch and talking about love.

“Woah there, what? You call that simple?” Yunho simply shrugged his shoulders without a care in the world. “Yunho, wouldn’t it be better to hear it from someone who means it?”

Well, now that he thinks about it, yeah it would, but he can’t turn back time.

“I mean, I guess but either way, it’s nice to hear it, even if it feels empty, it feels good. Ya know? Like someone appreciates you.” He didn’t know what he was saying or why he was saying it, but all he knew was that he wanted to hear it from you and only you.

Maybe that’s when he knew he started to develop feelings for you. He only wanted you to say certain things to him and only him, but he knew they were empty. And it also felt good to be impulsive for reasons like this:

Yunho called for your attention away from your phone. You looked at him as he leaned on his forearms again shooting you a smirk, “Lie to me.” You hesitated, thinking that it was wrong, but it was also something he asked you to do for him. But it wasn’t like you haven’t said those three empty words before, he just doesn’t know who YOU are yet.

You gave him a soft smile, “I love you.”

So, at that point on, it was a sealed deal for the two of you. There weren’t any dates, no gifts, no anniversaries, just plain ‘I love you’s’ that you’d only say when he asked. It was a secret that no one knew about, and there were more secrets too, but he’ll get to that later. But either way, it was stupid of him to get involved, right? Why is he asking, no one’s listening to him anyway. Just continue the story Yunho.

Time began to pass as Yunho continued to dig his hole of death.

Or just continued to fall in love with you - in case no one understood. Again, who is he talking to?

The only times you ever hung out with Yunho were during the many classes you had together and lunch. Everyone knew you were table partners and lunch buddies, but because Yunho didn’t have that many friends - or just no friends except you - he didn’t hear about any rumors of you. No one was able to warn him about you.

No, it’s not a kdrama where the main lead or second lead is the bad guy or the ‘heartbreaker’.

You were never good at love. You were good at faking it, per say, but any relationship you were in, you could never find yourself to actually fall for the other person who did. It frustrated you more than anything because all of your exes are amazing people and deserve more. But because you couldn’t feel that love spark, you just lied to them in fear of hurting them without saying those three words back. You were a liar.

But times were different with Yunho. The obvious reason that he asked you to lie to him about loving him. It felt violating because it was something you weren’t exactly used to. Sure you’ve said it many times without meaning, but this time, it was just different, and maybe you did find yourself actually putting meaning to it after some time.

But it only got worse the second your friend found out.

“You’re kidding, right?” You shook your head. “Oh my god, and you agreed?” In disbelief, your friend couldn’t process what he was hearing right now. The shock immediately vanished as an evil smirk rose onto his lips, “So just to clarify, you don’t like this Yunho dude, correct?”

Well, they didn’t call you the liar for nothing.

“No, I don’t like him.” His smirk only got wider as you tried to hide the distasteful look on your face when you heard his next words.

“Let’s make a bet. You actually get him to fall in love with you just by saying those words, but you can’t fall for him.”

“Hmm, seems easy enough.”

He laughed softly, “Well of course it is, but the only catch is that you have until the rest of the school year to do it, and that’s only what, three months?” You purse your lips, thinking about the time you had, and also the fact that you were actually going along with this.

Well one thing’s for sure, you’re a liar AND a people pleaser.

“Okay, that all?”

“Wow? Taking it on so quickly, huh? Well then, I’ll add something justtt in case. If you do fall for him, and I honestly don’t think you will, I’ll give you a pass…” You let out a breath of relief, “Only if you ghost him.” Immediately, you looked down at the table you two were sitting at. You faintly hear him call out your name, “It’s only fair. And if you don’t ghost him, I’ll tell him about the bet. Deal?”

“No reward or anything if one of us wins?”

“Well if you win, I’ll get you that antique vinyl record you said your mom has been dying for. As for me, I already get my reward if you fall for him.”

“And what reward is that exactly?”

He smiled evilly, “To see you suffer the consequences.”

Yunho did not know why you took that bet, he left right after he found out. He couldn’t stand to be in your presence or even have the patience to believe a word you said. And he had every right to. But it’s not everyday you hear someone ask another to lie about loving them. So, as he said, he just kept digging because as time continued and you two talked, he always got those three words from you.

“Do you love me?”

“I love you Yunho.”

You don’t.

“You going to lie to me today?”

“I love you.”

You still don’t.

“Okay, I’ll see you at lunch, bye.”

“Bye, I love you.”

Maybe you do. He doesn’t know anymore. Gosh, how did everything even get so messy for him? It was just a simple thing to ask; it wasn’t supposed to be like this. And to think he truly trusted your words when he confessed.

You heard Yunho call for you after the final bell. You were quickly making your way to the bus stop to head home before getting stopped by him. “I need to ask you something or, er, tell you something.” Your heart pounded in your ears as you processed nothing he was saying, only reading his lips when he said the words back to you for the first time. The ringing in your ear subsided as he looked at you with hopeful eyes, “I want you to answer me honestly. Do you love me?”

Your mind went back to the bet with your friend. You technically won but also lost, and you didn’t know what to do, so you did the opposite of what you do best, you gave him the honest truth, “I love you.”

At that time, Yunho was as happy as he ever could be, except it came crashing down the second you left to catch the bus. He, unfortunately, met your friend, who then told him everything. Honestly, he thought it was unfair how your friend didn’t play by the rules of the bet, but it didn’t matter at the time because he was hurt. Based on the rules of the bet, if you did love him, you would have to ghost him, and you haven’t, so that only means one thing, right?

Yeah, yeah he knows he shouldn’t jump to conclusions but it was a moment of weakness. He confessed, thought he got everything he has ever wanted since he transferred to that school, then immediately found out it was all lies. Oh and that’s not all, it wasn’t the bet your friend only mentioned. It was your whole reputation, and Yunho had no idea how he didn’t find out sooner about this.

Maybe he does know who he’s talking to. Himself, he thinks.

He couldn’t let this information slide, so he texted you that evening to meet up to ask you about it.

He was standing outside your gate as you emerged from the comfort of your home, “Hey Yunho, what did you want to talk to me about?”

“I know.”

You knew what he was talking about the second those words came out of his mouth. Your friend had texted you, telling you that he told Yunho, but you had thought he was playing around. Why would your friend betray you like that? No, why would you even agree to that stupid bet in the first place? But you played dumb.

“What do you mean?”

“Cut the crap, I know about the bet.”

Your heart sank as no words left your open mouth. He scoffed, “Well at least that confirms everything.” He turned to leave.

“Wait, Yunho stop.” He didn’t listen and continued to walk away from you as you quickly tried to keep up with him in the cool air. “Yunho please, just wait a second.” He stopped in his tracks, breathing heavily as you saw the warm air float into the cool night air.

Softly, he said your name, “Just lie to me, please.”

You heard his voice crack, eyes pricking with tears. “Yunho, don’t.”

Quickly on his heels, he turned to look at you, hot tears streaming down his face. He says your name again, “I asked you to lie to me, just do it.”

You hesitate, feeling weak seeing him broken and vulnerable like this in front of you, “I hate you, Yunho.”

One thing Yunho asks himself as he sits in his room, still recovering from what happened that evening, would it still be simple if none of this happened? He doesn’t know because he was an idiot for asking you to do such a thing. But then again, you were always good at lying. So who knows, maybe if the circumstances were different and he confessed, maybe you would still lie about those three words like before.

However, he can’t help but think to give you a second chance, but would it be simple?

#ateez #ateez scenarios #ateez reactions #ateez oneshot #ateez imagines #yunho #jeong yunho #atz #escapewriter oneshot

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writingmyheartsout · 4 years ago

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I’ll be good..(..for all of the times that I never could)

Another fluff December story...this one is sweet and a bit sad...and long (for my own standards). Although the length, it’s an easy read like the rest of the series...i just get wordy sometimes..

An au where Dogma doesn’t get to prison and gets reassigned to the Coruscant Guards.

There may be errors but @plexflexico said it was good so i trust her <3

warnings: sadness, light mention of war, tears

pairing: Dogma x reader

words: almost 2k (so the full story is under the cut)

prompt: standing/sitting quietly together

so anyway, Dogma never had a tag number canonically, so for the sake of the story i made it up.

Flashbacks in italic

As soon as the news was made public, the first thing Dogma thought was to see you, to hold you, to be soothed just like you were able to do... so, as soon as it was possible, he left his station, in spite of orders, and ran, ran through the narrow streets of Coruscant, past all the different levels of the city until he found himself in front of your door, but he didn't have time to even knock that you opened the door.

There were no words, you just stared at each other for a moment and the second after he hugged you there on the doorstep, holding you against him as if he was afraid you might disappear at any minute, burying his face in the crook of your neck and finally breaking into tears. He felt overwhelmed, by everyone and everything, and being in your arms right now was the only happy place he could think of wanting to be. Celebrations would surely follow but none of those mattered to him now, he just craved silence and warmth after all the chaos he had suffered.

When you two first met it was purely by accident, he was on his way to his reassignment to the Coruscant Guards after the whole mess that was Umbara and you were there to make a complaint. In fact, right after the last sweep on the lower levels, your diner had suffered some serious property damage and you were looking for a solution, even if it meant going up to the ground level and pestering some troopers.

Both of you were in the lounge area, you had just done yelling at some young boy whose armor wasn't quite red enough yet, who assured you that one of the Commanders would come down to talk to you and that he was sorry for the whole thing, he was just waiting to be received by Commander Fox himself, with his new armor as pristine and white as the first time he was off Kamino.

"What did you do?" you asked as soon as you entered the room, bored and tired of wasting any more time.

"Excuse me?" he answered in confusion, barely turning his head to look at you and trying to figure out if he had seen you somewhere before.

"I mean, did you break any laws or ... code that all you guys have?" you repeated, not entirely interested in what he might have to say, you were just looking for something to help pass the time.

"They're called regulations" he pointed out in annoyance..." and I don't think it's any of your business why I'm here" he added then, with a visible frown on his face.

"Alright...okay" you gave up, raising your hands in mock surrender "...it was just a question".

He didn't answer you further, due to the fact that another soldier showed up right after, his armor red from head to toe, who called him into his office.

"CT-5390, Dogma..come with me, I already have your new assignment," he instructed authoritatively, he had his helmet tucked under his arm but he still instilled fear.

Then he turned to you briefly, looking you dead in the eyes.

"I heard about your complaint, I'll let you know that Commander Stone will be here in a minute" and with that, he turned around and left.

Dogma, in response, quickly stood up and followed him but not before looking briefly in your direction and politely saying...

"good day, ma'am" followed by a slight nod of his head.

"Are you okay?" you asked him moments later.

He was still in your arms, hugging you as much as he could, refusing to let go of you and he didn't care how tired he might feel, he needed to feel whole again.

"No..." he cried, another sob slipping from him.

"What else can I do to make you feel better?" you pressed again.

" Just hold me... I don't need anything else right now..." he answered quietly, his words slightly muffled by your shirt.

"Okay... but you might catch a cold out here..." you stated.... " get inside, come sit on the couch at least."

"Okay..." he replied, pulling slightly away from you.

He was tired, you could see it on his face, but there was also some kind of relief underneath, a renewed hope that hopefully would turn into a new beginning with him.

Once he was settled on your couch, you remained up in front of him, arms around his neck, watching him softly.

"So tell me, what exactly happened?"

The second time you saw him, he was out patrolling your level with a new squad of troopers, nothing much just overall security, considering that all the main battalions had been sent off to war and two of the Commanders were unavailable, there wasn't much else to do.

You were late for your shift, the second time this week, by this point you already knew that your friend and business partner was going to be very pissed.

It was just a week since you had reopened and things still weren't going so well.

As you tried to send a message while picking up your pace, you didn't notice what was in front of you and soon ran into a hard surface that turned out to be a trooper's armor

"oof...sorry" you quickly apologized..." I didn't see where I was going...I was in a rush"

"Don't worry, ma'am...are you okay?" the trooper in front of you promptly said, taking off his helmet quickly.

"Yeah...I guess," you started to say...but once you got a better look at him, you realized...

"Dogma?..." it slipped out of your mouth even before you could stop yourself, however when you saw his confused expression you added...." I... sorry, I'm good at memorizing names, I remember them very quickly and you probably don't remember me either...".

For the first time in your life, under his curious gaze, you were feeling slightly self-conscious.

"I... I have to say I feel like I know you..." he stuttered out at first, only to regain his composure shortly after"... I'm sorry, I'm still on duty, ma'am... we have to finish our shift for today..." he then said putting his helmet back on.

"Well, yeah sure... I have to get going too anyway, but if you... or the others are tired later, come by my diner, you can't miss it, it's the only one with the bright green sign with a snake on it..." you offered, addressing them all but with your attention still on Dogma, only to run off afterward.

After that he stood there for several seconds more, watching you leave, still baffled that anyone could even remember his name...

That very same night, after they finished their shift, the entire squad came over to your diner and although Dogma was still a little hesitant to let himself go, you still were able to get him to relax a bit.

He heartily smiled at your question...

So much had happened since you'd last seen each other, he'd been gone for weeks and everything had changed in a matter of seconds.

"Where do I start?..." he said.

"Wherever you want... anything you want to tell me," you just told him ... "I'm here to listen, Dogma...like I always do."

Oh, how he had missed you, your patience, the way you talked to him, the way you actually listened no matter what he had to said and the love you had for him that he felt like he didn't always deserve.

"The war is over... but you already know that," he stated.... "it seems like it's always been an inside job," eventually adding more, trying to better explain.

You just nodded to his words, giving him the time to process all the things he had been through.

" Alright, are you okay? And how is everyone else?..." you tried for more, without overstressing him.

"I...I'm fine, I guess," he admitted, wrapping his arms around you again and placing his head on your stomach..." as for the others... I actually don't know, I just...I just heard that all battalions had been ordered to return."

"...and that's good...now, what do you need?" you again asked .... "what can I do for you?"

"I just want to sleep...and keep hugging you, please" he mumbled, eventually calming down.

His pure confession made you chuckle at how honest and lovely it was but watching him relax in your arms made your heart a little tighter.

After that, you met again, rather by chance.

It was at the Guard's general offices, the time he was stationed there handling paperwork and you were there with yet another complaint. What had happened was pretty simple, one of your suppliers was blocked just off the planet and had been denied landing, making your job a lot slower and almost impossible. So the best solution you could think of was going straight to the source and asking what was going on.

When you arrived, there was no one around and the offices were mostly empty except for one, so you tried your luck and went to see if anyone could help you out and fix this mess...

"Hi, is there someone I can ask about a complaint?..." you inquired, peeking into the room.

"Nature of the problem? ..." the trooper replied, visibly annoyed...

"Security...I think..." you began to explain and as you quickly stepped inside... "one of my suppliers has been denied access to the planet, I would like to know why" you continued, asking the man in front of you, although his attention was still on the report in front of him.

"Suspected smuggling most likely...but it could be worse" he vaguely stated.... " freighter model and cargo description?" he then added further still without ever looking up.

"A VCX-100, an old model actually, and it was just my monthly supply of Meiloorun juice and Corellian beer" you pointed out...". Roj is not a smuggler, I've known him since he was a little boy" you replied a little more vehemently, putting both hands on the desk and getting closer to the trooper.

"Now, take a good look at me, and help me sort out this little problem... partly because I don't want any more hassle with you."

"Listen, ma'am..." he began, lifting his head and finally looking at you.... going speechless for a brief moment.

It was you once again, and even though he was dead tired... he felt strangely happy to see you.

"Oh..." you yelped, taken aback to see that it was Dogma "...sorry...".

"No, please...I'm...I was just really tired..." he quickly apologized.... "please, take a seat and tell me again about what happened."

Despite the initial rough start, your problem was quickly solved and on that same day, you also learned how, the trooper called Dogma, was indeed nice and quite talkative, despite an initial wariness. You left the office a few hours later with a smile on your face, but not before leaving him your personal contact…

Days passed after that night, many others after the day that changed all, things around you were now beginning to shift and improve for the better.

When others only saw a traitor once, someone who wasn’t worthy enough love and attention, you saw a man who loved too much and ended up broken, a man who needed directions and assurance, not just orders and rules, a man who now was free from everything that used to hold him back and ready to live once again.

For this personal fluff December i wanted to do more, but time and real life is not by my side...so that means that there will be just another one (i have to choose who..) Unfortunately i don’t cope very well with stress so i usually write small...

Anyway, hope you like it :)

reblogs, comments or just generals interactions are welcome :)

#star wars the clone wars #star wars #current fandom: star wars the clone wars #dogma x reader #dogma needs more love #dogma is underrated #i love him very much your honor #clone wars fanfics #star wars fanfiction #star wars writing #writemyheartsout's writing

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satokane0714 · 5 years ago

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Peter Parker (PS4) x Reader - Personalities

Peter knows, of course, that his girlfriend is wealthy. It’d be irresponsible not to! I mean, he’s her boyfriend after all. She’s already from a wealthy family, but she has her fashion line around the world. It was a big deal. But she was unassertive, respectful, and kind to all those around her. She volunteered to help at F.E.A.S.T, that’s where they first met after all. He didn’t even know who she is. She wore a simple flannel and high waisted jeans. She was approachable and kind as well, he had a crushed on her for that. She always has that bright smile on her when she helps the people at F.E.A.S.T, or when she helped May cooking. He’d always come on the weekend to meet her, then, they get to know each other, and eventually, May pushed them to have their first date at the local cafe.

Secrets can never be kept though, and the fact that he’s Spider-Man is laid out clearly before her. She didn’t fret or get angry at him, just tell him to always be careful, because she loves him. It was a sweet moment that Peter swore he’d never forget.

When he first visited her house, well… her penthouse, baffled was too light of a word to even used. He was not expecting her to be this… wealthy? There are shades of grey in everybody, he knows, but most millionaires he met were,…opposite of her. They were a bit proud and overbearing. But then again, most millionaires he had ever met was a villain anyway.

From then on, he often swings to her house at night to stay with her and watch movies after every patrol. He’s not using her though, god knows he’d never do that! She just pleaded him for late-night movies, with lots of snacks and blankets. And that’s the first time he ever learned, from those movie nights, that she’s a very emotional person. She’d cry and laugh as if she wears her emotions out in the open. He loves it. It’s adorable, he might say. He stayed over a few days and learned that her office is right under her house. ‘That’s convenient’, he thought.

He’d wake up in the morning and she’s already gone to her office, she often left notes saying she prepared breakfast and to eat before he goes web-swinging around New York. He’d always think that she’s a sweet person, in her sweatpants, watching movies and would cry into his chest whenever she’s sad.

She was the sweetest person he had ever known in his life. Until that incident happened. Well, she has nothing to hide, she didn’t even care about it, so it’s not technically an incident. But it changed his whole point of view of her.

* * *

They were cuddling at night on her couch when she said she’d like a lunch date tomorrow with him. And told him to come to her office and wait. She’d be finished quickly anyways. ‘Nothing too hard to do.’ he thought. So he agreed.

It was horrifying. When he walked into the office, he was welcomed with modern and minimalistic looking designs. Everyone is on fleek, busy walking around with files in their hand and talking from a sort of formal language that made him feel like an alien. He felt underdressed and weirded out.

“Ms. L/N will be with you shortly, meanwhile, would you like to wait in her office Mr. Parker?” her assistant told him. It seems like Y/N already told them about his visit. But “Mr. Parker?” Not only that it’s too formal for a person such as himself, but it’s also a little bit weird hearing people addressing him as “Parker”, it’s been a long time…

He sat down on the white couch anyways as he inspects the room closely. Her office overlooked the busy New York below and there is a big window that reached from the floor to the ceiling. Her table made out of dark wood as her laptop and files set neatly on there. Her office was decorated elegantly and beautifully.

Then, she walked into the room with a big frown on her face, her eyebrows pinched together. Her assistant trailing behind her as she gave him a polite nod and a slight smile. “Hi, Pete!”, (Y/N) said as her frown turned into a soft, sweet smile when she sees him. “Can you wait for me a little? I’m almost done. Then we’ll get something delicious, I’m starving.”. She continues to walk. Her long ponytail swaying as the curled ends pointed outward messily.

“No problem at all! I-I’ll wait for you!”, he replied, nervously. He gulped when he sees her outfit. A (f/c) suit, deep cut down the middle of her chest, sharp shoulders and a soft silk belt wrapped around her waist. The soft material of her long pants, with a slit from the calf down, making her look taller. She wore pumps today. He had never seen her wearing pumps before, it has always been sneakers at F.E.A.S.T and fluffy bunny slippers at her house. It’s pretty, and he loves the new style.

He stared at her dreamily for a while before her voice brought him back. “No no, this isn’t right. They were supposed to finish up the designs today? I extended their deadline! Do they know that this is a serious test for them to work here? Jesus, interns these days… Lucky this is JUST a small test for them.”, her eyebrows pinched together again.

“Yes, Ms. (L/N), but the interns have,… issues. As they called it... Seeing as it’s nothing but an excuse to extend the deadline again.”, her assistant replied, obviously agitated with the interns currently at their company. Peter was confused, he didn’t know what was happening. But what he did know, is that (Y/N) looked very agitated and he had never seen her like this before.

“Well, they’ll most definitely have a big issue when we denied their resumes and kick them out of this company. Did they know that we were serious about this? Don’t make me laugh with the busy excuse.” (Y/N) said, scowling. Making a quotation mark with her fingers when she says “busy excuse”. Peter was genuinely intimidated by this. He had always thought she was this sweet, kind, and adorable person. But then again, being lazy while interning at a big company is something that’d make anyone’s blood boiled. (Y/N) was seriously mad at this. The employees that work with her long before obviously respect her a lot. But those interns, they have a problem. He assumed that they’re some very young adults. And he’d be right.

Peter stared wide eyes at her, obviously shocked. “Call them in?” she said as she slumps down her big, leather chair. Her assistant gave a curt nod and walked out as she pushes up her glasses. Once the door is closed, (Y/N) gave a long sign. Peter wanted to do something about this situation, even though he knows he couldn’t help. He stands up and walks to her table, massaging her shoulder, and asked “Are you ok? You seem really stressed out.”. (Y/N) nod and lean into his arm. She suddenly turned around and hug his waist. “I’m fine… It’s just another day… I missed you a lot though, y’know?”. Peter’s cheek and ears flushed up as he hugs (Y/N) closely, running his hand along her back to comfort her.

Three loud knocks interrupted them and Peter retreated to his seat on the couch. Eyes following and narrowed at the assistant and the three intern girls to see them better. They dressed in short skirts and a white cropped top. If anyone hasn’t known yet, this is not appropriate attire for the workplace. Fashion company or not, they’re not dressed formally. Peter slowly understand why (Y/N) seems distressed about this. It’s her company that she took the time to build up to this point. She can’t just trust some dingy-looking interns to work for her and ruined it all. Both Peter’s and (Y/N)’s eyes narrowed at them, but Peter decided to sit back and let his girlfriend handle this. Deciding to watch the show.

“Did you know you’re late for the one assignment I gave you this month? MONTH! I gave you a month to give me your best idea. Any ideas. What were you doing with your time?! Partying?!—” (Y/N) pinched her eyebrows together and close her eyes. The interns retract themselves as she yelled at them. “You’re lucky because this is only a test,” she said, as she frowns at them. Anger plastered on her face. She was about to let them out before one of them spoke up.

“What’s the point of testing, if… we finished university? I mean… I- If this is serious work, we would’ve done better.” A girl said, as her friends nod in agreement, still, with fear in their eyes. Well… They can’t even look at their boss in the eyes.

After hearing that, (Y/N) looked straight at them. Staring holes into their dense head. Peter was shocked with his mouth agape, his eyebrows raised to the top of his head. ‘Wrong move’ he thought, ‘You've made a wrong move!’. If them being late for deadline didn’t pull the plug for (Y/N), this is it. She was furious. Her blood was boiling and her eyes lit up with hellfire.

“Are you serious right now?” she asked, low and slow voice sending chills up and down everyone’s bones. “What’s the point of testing?! If I haven’t tested you, I wouldn’t know you are all this lack-lusters, dense and useless pieces of humanity am I?! What would my company become if I have hired you?!? And ‘serious work’ you say? So you’re not seeing me, your BOSS at a company you wanted to work at, as not serious enough for you now?!”, she stood up, towering over their curled bodies. Slamming the files onto her desk harshly, she startled them and Peter himself. Her assistant just watch and shook her head slowly.

“Everyone in this company has been assigned a task, and they do it. If they’re smart and useful enough, they’ll be appreciated. You lots? Dense! No ideas where you are, what you’re doing, and frankly, why you’re here. From the start already! You’re not even hired yet and you dare ask me that? Your attitude towards working is o-1, no effort at all. Everyone has been kind enough to show you around, teaching you tips and tricks and you just, what? Threw them away?!”, she was met with silence, the three girls are on the verge of tears, slightly hiccuping and Peter was just astounded.

“The company doesn’t need people like you to be employees, you better pack your bags and head out today. This is my final decision.” she continues, they all suddenly speak up now and pleaded their boss for mercy. Spewing lies and lies of they’d “do anything!” from now on. But (Y/N) turned around to her window as her assistant drag the interns outside. The commotion caused a lot of attention, but people knew too well to even look at (Y/N)’s office. Then, it was just her and Peter in the room.

(Y/N) turned around as she tiredly treads to Peter, slumming her body against the couch and Peter’s chest. “Sorry Pete, you have to see this. Didn’t planned for it to turned out this way.” She let out a tired laugh, closing her eyes. Peter turns to her and hugs her body closer to him, kissing the top of her head.

“It’s fine… I love that I have a cool girlfriend now. I’m happy—” they both laughed at each other. Peter felt a warm sensation in his chest. He loved how she only showed her emotions to him and cry in front of him, he felt happy that she trusted him enough and he felt honored. The love of his life, sweet and adorable. But also, beautiful and tough. He loves it, he loves her even more now. “I love you soooo much Pete!!!”, she said as she kisses his cheek, making a loud ‘Mwah’ sound. His heart just popped. Then, she stands up.

As she separates from his arm to grab her bag, he looked at her warmly, a big smile still plastered on his face. Their fingers intertwined as they walk out of the office. Smiling at each other, (Y/N) whines about how starving she is and she hasn’t eaten breakfast. Peter smiles lovingly as he rubs her belly “Let’s get something delicious for you to eat then!” He said. She let out a small “Yay!” and skip her way to the car. Peter was so happy that he decided to come today, he loves his adorable girlfriend so much more now.

Ps: Hey! Author here! It’s my first ever story. Hope you liked it and give me plenty of feedbacks so I could improve my writing. Thanks a lot for reading this.

#ps4 peter parker x reader #peter parker x reader #peter parker fluff #ps4 spider man x reader #ps4 spider-man #insomniac spider-man x reader #spiderman x reader

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wincore · 6 years ago

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archenemies | huang renjun

pairing: renjun x reader

words: 8.8k

genre: ‘bad boy’!au, fluff

warnings: language, some juvenile activities, huang “fight me” renjun, he’s way too aries for this to be good

a/n: move aside it’s my emotional support bad boy fic

There are people who are lucky and people who have met Huang Renjun.

Every day is a reminder of all your mistakes, all the sins you’ve committed to have to deal with him. You’ve forgotten what began all the biting comments and burning quarrels, but you’re not going to lose to some quick-tempered punk. In all honesty, however, you’d prefer to never think of him again.

Huang Renjun is just a cog in the machine that controls your life and you’re going to best ignore him till someone upstairs decides to fix that machine. (You wish it were that easy.)

You eye the bruise on your knee with a sour taste in your mouth. It’s a darker shade of purple now, the blues mingling amidst only enhancing the size of it. You sigh heavily and crouch to retie your shoelaces. You’re going to have to slow down now, and not jump over the steps of a ragged staircase. There are few reasons to pass through the playground, when you can take a safer albeit longer way to the subway station.

It’s the shorter way, yes, but there’s more. Is it because of the lack of overenthusiastic students and the loud buzz? Is it because you can walk down the thick metal railing feeling free, arms stretched? Or perhaps, the most important of all—the illegal murals on the walls starting from your school. The art gets removed every time and not two weeks later, there’s a new one. If anything’s more cheerful in colour in this city, you’d gladly pay a pretty penny to see it.

You stand in front of the latest in the collection, eyes studying every stroke of paint. It’s a wolf, made with different colours of the rainbow and with a star gently held in its mouth. You swear its eyes move with the way they stare back at you, deep and alive. You wonder what this criminal artist sees in their head to create things so raw, so full of feeling. You’re always sad when they get painted over.

You take a picture of it on your phone to remember. Your first picture dates to about two years ago, when you accidentally stumbled into the backside of the school buildings. It was the mural of a trophy, more specifically the one your school awarded for academics each year. Except the trophy was made of branches intertwined far too loose and it held a rotting apple instead of a live golden one, greens faded to brown. The single piece of writing was in black—‘here lies our youth’. You had scoffed at it then. Undoubtedly, some sort of edgy loser had spilled ink on those walls. But you had to admit, the mural was unspeakably pretty and you took the picture for your own amusement.

The school, of course, had it removed at soon as they could but you still look at it on your phone once in a while. The look on your principal’s face was glorious when a new one showed up right beside the front gate. A withering rose with thorns made of silver, and a raccoon gazing at it with its head at a slight angle. It made no sense, of course. All of these have been abstract, almost hard to find meaning in but you felt a dash of impertinence in that piece of art. It was meant to piss them off.

And of course, the art continued blossoming. Over the months, they got better and better; every new piece held a different meaning. It became a sort of game for you, to find each work and photograph it before it was criticized by disgruntled police officers and hastily removed. Adults find no importance in these kinds of things; it’s too bright, too attention-seeking and too honest.

You tread carefully along the side of the street now, aware of your aching knee and curse yourself for being so frivolous in movement. Except you aren’t as careful as you think you are, and you bump rather harshly into a lean figure when you were looking elsewhere.

“Sorry! I really am,” the words tumble out of your mouth before you can recognize the boy. But when you do, you grimace, a familiar bitter taste on your tongue. “Renjun. Hi.”

Renjun glares at you as he massages the shoulder you had so carelessly rammed into. The white bones on his dark jacket sleeves and the skull on the back look painted, although you think Renjun couldn’t have made something remotely aesthetic. You await the biting comment he usually sends your way, but he quickly turns away after shooting you another scowl.

“Well, okay,” you tell yourself. “That’s new.”

If it wasn’t clear before, Huang Renjun isn’t the nicest of people you’ve met. With a flaring temper and sharp tongue, he’s on your list of people to avoid, but you cross paths quite literally way too many times. Of course, his entire group of friends is on your list of people to avoid, but it’s Renjun who seems to be fated to run into you every goddamn time. You’ve been assigned to do projects with him at least six times by some sort of treachery, and for all the years you’ve known him, his seat is almost always behind yours. It’s torturous, really. Renjun would be much more pleasant to face if he wasn’t glaring holes into the back of your head all the time.

You pull the vague memory of a shy new boy from middle school and shove it aside—no way can you relate the past and present. At school, he’s only a troubled student, not the type to sugar-coat words and with no restraint on words, he often pisses off people he shouldn’t be pissing off. Honesty is a good feature but not on people like him. Only the bravest of teachers take a liking to him, and the rest of the students are a little in awe of him. I wish I could be that honest, you’d heard one of your friends say. That way, I wouldn’t be afraid of the world. He was mistaken; there’s no one on earth born without fear. Needless to say, your peers like to romanticize him as some sort of cool, tough guy with mystery on his fingertips. You think he secretly likes the reputation. The only times Renjun’s softened is around his band of troublemakers.

You don’t trust reputations but you think Renjun is at least six times worse than what everyone thinks of him. (And you speak from experience.)

You have to admit, though, that you might be a little at fault here. You’ve accidentally spilled hydrochloric acid on him in the chemistry lab and smeared his neck with an obnoxious green in art before, but you don’t think that’s reason enough for Renjun to hate you. Regrettably, there are more cases of misfired actions and you’d rather not dwell on them.

If luck has anything to do in the universe, it loves to mess with you when you’re around Renjun. It’s miraculously always him the victim, and you, an unwitting culprit. Bad luck doesn’t even begin to describe what has bound the two of you. At least, that’s how it began. It’s not like you’re trying to be annoying; the circumstances provide the paint for your already messy canvas and Renjun is left more and more pissed at you at the end of every encounter. You’d feel sorry for him if he weren’t such a prick.

The times you’re not accidentally messing with Renjun, he’s the one with offhanded comments that make your blood boil. You don’t know if it’s payback but it ends up with the two of you neck-deep in hatred for each other yet again. Sometimes, you enjoy the misery you unintentionally give him, like that one time the stray cat you were holding launched itself at Renjun and he ended up with more scratches than what was good (although, he isn’t exactly a stranger to injuries) and of course, the glorious times you were the cause of Renjun’s detention. Sometimes even those aren’t enough to shut his quick mouth and honestly, you’re giving up on ever having an actual conversation with him without being at each other’s throats.

You shake your head for thinking about him for this long. Any thought lasting longer than three minutes about Renjun is a curse.

“(name)!”

Chenle waves at you from a few metres away. It’s always good to see him and you smile; the kid’s a ball of positivity. It’s much better than running into Renjun anyway, for whom you’d have to grit your teeth and brace for another jab, trying not to start another bout of bickering with him. In fact, you find the contrast between Chenle (someone you’ve only ever talked with comfortably and an occasional angel) and Renjun (literally the Devil’s advocate) so sharp that you find it hard to believe they’re friends. The only thing they seem to have in common is living at the dorms, as non-native students.

“Hi!” Chenle greets you from a few feet away as he jogs up to you. “Have you seen Renjun?”

You furrow your eyebrows. You wonder why someone as nice as Chenle would follow around a mean grouch like Renjun.

“Yeah, I just passed him,” you answer, a little piqued by Chenle’s rapid flurry of expressions. Something’s obviously not right.

“Thanks,” he says with a slight bow before he takes off in the other direction.

Now, given your history of unfortunate circumstances with Renjun, you shouldn’t be following Chenle. You shouldn’t. But of course, you’d take this chance to snoop around on Renjun, just watch him speechless as he can’t come up with any response at all. Information, secrets—they give you the upper hand. You’re being petty, sure. It’s good for your health.

You follow the loud footsteps at a safe distance, starting to wonder if it’s worth it. You almost walk into Renjun’s view and scramble back behind the wall. He’s sitting on one of the swings while Chenle pants beside him, trying to catch his breath.

“I told you to stop following me around. You look like some lost puppy.” You hear Renjun click his tongue.

“You’re so mean,” Chenle says with a pout, “Wait, doesn’t that mean I’m cute? Like a puppy? Never mind, don’t you wanna know how far the investigation is going?”

“You don’t have to do that for me,” Renjun responds, looking down at his hands.

Chenle smiles, radiant as ever. “It’s no biggie!”

Renjun laughs, a sound foreign to you. “You’re acting like I said ‘thank you’.”

“Didn’t you?” Chenle grins. “Anyway, you have to be careful for the next week. They’re going to increase patrols near school.”

Renjun scoffs. “Like they’ll ever catch me.”

You narrow your eyes. From all the rumours you’ve heard, Renjun is no stranger to delinquency and other things illegal for high school students. But they’ve only been rumours. This is your chance to get some dirt on him, and you’re certainly not missing it.

Chenle presses his lips together, a flash of worry passing through him.

“Be careful anyway, okay?” he says.

Renjun snaps his head to the side, an annoyed sound leaving his lips. He looks nothing but bothered by the conversation.

“Don’t talk to me like that.”

You let out a breath, annoyed with how ungrateful Renjun is. Of course, you don’t expect better from a no-good sociopath, or whatever the hell he pretends to be. You never realized how twisted your ties with Renjun has been this far. You can paint no other picture except of a demon every time you think of him.

“Now scram,” Renjun huffs.

Chenle looks like a kicked puppy and you almost march over to Renjun to reproach him. There is nothing he does that doesn’t get on your nerves. But you maintain your position; it’s not worth wasting your time over.

The twitch of your foot, however, brings you to the boys’ attention. You retreat your head and look forward, your body getting still. Half of you is terrified of Renjun finding you and the other half simply doesn’t care, in fact wanting to shove some choice words at him in case he does find you.

As fate would have it, Renjun emerges from behind the wall and you hit your head back against it. Your heartbeat evens out quick and you face him, not wanting to look stupid. He’s pissed off—you can tell by the knitted brows and bitter twist of his lips.

“I knew you were annoying but eavesdropping?” Renjun rebukes, “Congratulations on getting to a whole new level of weirdo.”

Your ears turn red and you click your tongue. “Whatever.”

“You should stop being so interested in me. Seriously.”

“Me? Interested in you? If anything, you’re the one way too interested in me.”

“I’m not the one eavesdropping.” Renjun stands up straighter, fists clenched. Your cheeks colour.

“And I’m not the one picking fights every day at lunch.”

Your hostilities aren’t unknown to the school, who look partly afraid and partly entertained with your jabs and arguments. You’ve figured they’re more afraid of Renjun and his cold face than they’re afraid of your fights. If only they didn’t think he’s cooler than he actually is. You could roll your eyes.

“You guys sound like children,” Chenle butts in.

“Don’t interrupt me,” Renjun scowls.

“Don’t talk to him that way,” you warn.

“And who are you to tell me that?”

“A decent human being.”

“God, talking to you drains me of energy.” Renjun turns his head to the side, his frown never leaving.

“Looking at you drains me of energy,” you grumble.

With one last look of repugnance, you turn around to make your way back to where you were headed in the first place.

“I don’t know why you hang out with him, Chenle,” you say before you start walking off.

You can see Renjun tense up out of the corner of your eye. For a moment, you think he’ll yell an insult back at you but only the gentle breeze fills your surroundings. You like having the last word, but no part of this exchange was satisfying. You should’ve just gone your way.

The conversation you overheard leaves your mind as quickly as it entered. Soon, you’re on the subway home with a larger basket of reasons to avoid Huang Renjun.

As if high school wasn’t dull enough, being unable to skip class makes your sleepless body worse. The can of coffee you got at the vending machine offers no aid, and when you finally blink at the silhouette of escape, you seize it. You’ve never thought of skipping class as explicitly bad. It’s not good but neither is it an awful thing to do considering the condition of the present-day education system. You’d call it a necessary evil.

At least, that’s the excuse you use for yourself every time. You’ve only been caught once, and that’s because you fell asleep under the bleachers. Detention isn’t new, but it doesn’t put you in good books. You care for your future, and the inconvenience you cause others (unlike some others you know). It’s just that there are certain habits that you can’t help.

You’ve decided to be more careful, of course. You don’t want your mother getting any more upset with you nor do you want to spend more time at school through detention. There’s a prettier world outside these drudging walls.

Somehow, you sneak your way out to the back of the school building. The painting has been removed long since you first saw it, but the place has a sense of mystery to it. You’re drawn in, an optimistic explorer to lands that call. You shake yourself to prevent your imagination from wandering.

The weeds grow unkempt here, in the narrow gaps between walls and there’s messy graffiti (vaguely phallic and highly inappropriate) here and there. It’s not pretty but it’s fun walking through here, better than dozing off in class anyway.

The clicking sound grabs your attention. The thought of anyone else being here doesn’t make you very comfortable, but what could they do? There’s no way they’d land you in trouble without facing the same fate. You shrug and take slow, daunting steps towards the source. You might as well figure out who’s there.

You peek out from behind the concrete wall, only able to see a figure in a dark blue hoodie. Only a moment later, though, your eyes inevitably trail to the artwork on the wall.

It’s half done—without an outline or final touches. The strokes of paint make up what looks like a dragon skeleton, its wings spread out and a hollow look in its eyes. Even so, it’s funny to find it smiling. What stands out, though, is the burst of colour it’s made of. And without any prompt, you know it’s him—the mystery juvenile artist of your town. Why did he have to paint it here, where most people would never see it?

You step out from behind the wall, forgetting your hideout. It’s not like you’ll ever give away this artist’s identity, the only person who has the guts to make this place colourful. You’re about to call out when he turns and you freeze, your face morphing into disbelief.

“It’s you?!” you exclaim. This has to be a joke—what on earth is going on?

Renjun yelps at your appearance, dropping the spray can as he stumbles backward. He stands there horrified, eyes wider than usual and mouth apart in a stagnant pose.

“You’re following me again!” Renjun seems to have found words.

“I’m not following you, you dimwit,” you snapped. “I just happened to be here.”

“At least make up something more elaborate.” He takes a step towards you, still standing on the raised concrete between the walls.

You glare at him. “It’s true. I don’t care what you’re up to. But you’re the guy who’s been making these?”

You point to the painted wall, not wanting to believe a demon made something beautiful.

“And what if I am?” he snarls and steps off onto the ground in front of you. You’d be afraid of the look on his face, but you’ve seen it often.

“I could report you,” you say, almost smiling. You’ve wanted to see him squirm for a long time now.

You turn heel and walk inside, but Renjun runs after you, stopping only when you turn.

“What?” you ask, your smile smug.

He grabs your arm hastily before he pushes you against the wall, his hand gripping your shoulder too tight. There’s no doubt he’s learnt how to intimidate people. There are streaks of blue and yellow on the web of his thumb and parts of his wrists. The corridor is silent without lingering students, almost eerie without the buzz.

“Don’t you dare tell anyone.” He’s looking at you intensely, almost frantic. Of course, holding secrets takes courage.

You laugh, and he furrows his eyebrows, his frown deepening.

“What are you going to give me in return?”

Renjun scowls. He’s about to answer when you’re interrupted by a rather shrill yet familiar voice.

“No making out in the hallways!” your history teacher scolds. “I can’t believe you’re skipping class for this. I would say detention but I’m in a good mood. Jesus Christ, I know you’re young but there’s a time and place for everything.”

He leaves, his grumbling fading out soon but the two of you are frozen. You can see the red that’s flushed Renjun’s skin and you wonder if you look the same. His eyes are wide, his hand still in place against your shoulder. In his haste, Renjun had left no space between the two of you; in fact, if he were to dip his head a little lower, he’d have his lips brushing against yours.

Your cheeks flare up at the thought and you shove Renjun off you.

“That was- we weren’t- that didn’t happen,” you say quickly, your voice a pitch higher.

“That didn’t happen,” Renjun agrees, still flustered, the pink bathing his face and neck.

There’s an awkward silence before Renjun speaks again, a warning tone lacing his words.

“Don’t tell anyone.”

“You could add a ‘please’, at least.” The look on his face is way too enjoyable. You wait for him to realize you mean it and the look progresses into something even more fun.

“Don’t tell anyone…pl…uh, please.”

Renjun turns a few shades redder. Life just got far more splendid.

Renjun sighs enough times for Jaemin to take notice. The last thing he wants is for Jaemin to mother him but he needs some answer to his problem (you) too. He could kick the telephone pole beside him right now, but there’s no point in hurting himself. He slumps back against the wall.

“So did you finally ask (name) out? I heard rumours of you two…you know,” Jaemin grins, his tone more than teasing.

“Why the fuck would I ask (name) out?” Renjun tries his best to get his disgust across to Jaemin, though the warmth in his cheeks probably gives his embarrassment away.

“I mean, you’re always talking about them.”

“Because they make my life hell! And I’m not always talking about…them.”

Jaemin laughs and Renjun wants to kick him instead. Jeno breaks into a short laugh beside him but quickly recomposes himself at the glare Renjun sends his way. Have his friends always been this annoying? Donghyuck is thankfully absent and Yangyang’s probably hanging out at the bike garage. His friends like to add salt to cuts and wounds. And Renjun’s only used to the physical kind.

He sighs again, toning down the thoughts. If he thinks, he thinks of you and your ways of making him miserable. The smug look on your face had made Renjun want to set fire to something, preferably you.

“You guys don’t understand,” Renjun whines, “I literally got threatened to be reported to the police. By someone who hates me and will probably do it.”

Jaemin and Jeno exchange a look and it irks Renjun all the more.

“I don’t think it’s that serious,” Jeno says, “Or that (name) will do it.”

“Just talk it out,” Jaemin adds.

That’s nice and all but Renjun thinks they’ve completely missed the point. He’s dealing with the root of all his miseries and he sees no easy solution to this. For all he knows, you could be a demon launched directly from hell to make him pay for his crimes. Renjun shakes his head. He doesn’t want to think that way.

“Whatever,” Renjun sighs, “I’ll figure it out.”

It’s easier to get to solutions when it’s other people’s problems.

Jaemin wiggles his eyebrows and Renjun shoves him playfully, a smile falling into place.

You raise an eyebrow. You made a face when Renjun approached you as you left school but now that he’s piqued your interest, you relax against the wall. There’s no one around at this time in the park.

“You’re really making a deal?” You grin, hoping it gets on Renjun’s nerves.

“Yes,” he responds through clenched teeth. “Just don’t say something too outrageous.”

You press your finger to your lips, squinting your eyes to think. Renjun taps his foot impatiently and you almost consider whacking him across the head to stop the noise. There is no way you’d ever get along with him.

“Be my date for prom.”

“What?!” Renjun sputters.

You burst into a fit of laughter; the look on his face is far more enjoyable than anything you’ve seen so far this year. You like Renjun owing you.

“I’m kidding. I don’t have anything in mind,” you say, “I’ll let you know when I do.”

Renjun groans, drooping his shoulders. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re awful?”

“Multiple people actu—wait, I’m awful?! You’re the one with mean comments, little graffiti man.”

“Don’t call me that,” he snaps. “You’ve been making me miserable ever since I came here—oh, don’t make that face, it’s true!”

You cross your arms and try ignoring Renjun’s look of disdain. After a moment of hesitation, you sigh.

“I never meant to,” you say, voice softer.

Renjun blanks out for a moment and you use it to get back to the dilemma at hand.

“I won’t tell anyone,” you clarify, “But…you have to show me how you make the murals.”

Renjun frowns. “I don’t like that.”

“The alternative is agreeing to do whatever I say whenever I want till either of us dies.”

Renjun throws his head back, a sigh escaping his lips. “Fine. I’ll take you to the next place I work on. You better keep your end of the deal.”

“Of course.”

You smile. As much as you hate to believe the one person you admired for their creations turned out to be a demon, you’re curious. You might as well make the most of this situation while it lasts.

You won’t admit you lost sleep on a Friday night because you were excited to see Renjun spray paint a wall. It’s almost embarrassing, considering the history you have with him but you can’t deny what’s standing so clear in front you. The art you’ve saved in your precious folder in your gallery, its secrets will be laid open soon.

“You know, I heard this place is haunted,” you hum.

Renjun freezes in his path, and you almost bump into him. He turns around with distress across his face, eyebrows knit together.

“Don’t say that,” he says a little too quickly.

You narrow your eyes at him. “You’re afraid of ghosts?”

“No,” he starts, “Yes. A little bit. Whatever. This place is not haunted.”

You giggle. You didn’t expect Renjun of all people to have that look on his face. You know he’s not a tough guy (or, you refused to acknowledge he could be) but wouldn’t the school love to see him like this. He’s always come off as a little detached, uncaring of the world around him and he’s got scratches and bruises on him like he really doesn’t care which fight he’s picking. Of course the school got to talking about him—the foreign student with a mean temper and a rare smile. (“It gives him a rare charm! His laugh sounds so dreamy…” You rolled your eyes at your friends. “No. He’s just mean. And says mean things. You know. Like a mean person.”)

No one comes into this part of the subway station at night. The line is closed off during these hours, and you wonder how Renjun found out the hidden entrance. It's not easy to search over unchanging walls. The tunnel lights barely work, but the warm glow shoos away any unnerving feeling to leave empty spaces. It’s strange to not see platforms bustling with people; this one offering painted seats and large advertisements to no one now.

“What’re you going to make today?” you ask, making sure to not fall behind.

“Something simple,” he responds, taking the cans out of his satchel. “Maybe a remake of Starry Night.”

That does not classify as simple in your books, but you shrug, taking a seat by one of the tunnel walls.

Watching Renjun work is far different from staring at final products. The way his hands move in a fluid motion, the way he sprays the lines and curves with precision, the way he fills out the spaces with colour—you wish you could record all of it too. The clicking of the cans every time he shakes them is oddly satisfying, so are the full colours that transform the wall. His focus is trained and you maintain your silence, not wanting to break the encased time. You want to say you’re impressed, say it’s breath-taking to watch what he’s doing. But words don’t come easy at the cost of pride.

You tilt your head to focus on the large bruise-like mark on his hand. You thought it was paint, then a bruise but you can’t quite figure it out.

“What’s that?” you ask, tapping your own hand.

“A birthmark.” Renjun pauses momentarily to answer before turning back to his work.

You wonder how you never noticed that before. It’s like a little nebula, fitting for a boy who paints the sky with such adoration.

You don’t know how long you’ve been there but when you check your watch, time’s almost over. A little less than an hour left, you notify Renjun.

You never realized the importance of finishing touches. Neither did you ever think you’d find Van Gogh on subway walls.

An overused painting but there are Renjun’s touches to it—small tweaks in the colour and shape. There are still whirling clouds, bright stars and a sweet crescent moon. The village, though dark, somewhat adds meaning to the comfort of the lights from the houses. You shouldn’t forget why something was painted, Renjun had remarked as you were making your way here. This Starry Night holds no mourning, however.

“It’s lovely,” you say, finally. “I can’t believe you made this in a subway tunnel.”

Renjun looks up from organizing the spray cans back into the satchel. There’s a faint glow across his cheeks and he turns back to his bag quickly. His voice is unsteady when he speaks. “Thanks.”

You take your time searching for an angle with enough lighting to photograph it. Renjun looks at you dubiously at first but he steps aside with an indecipherable expression, his lips twitching at the corners.

The footsteps catch your attention. You share a look with Renjun, a cautious one when they get closer and you immediately move to stand near him.

“If that’s a police officer, I think we’re both going to jail,” you whisper.

“Or if it’s a ghost, I don’t think I’ll know what to do.”

“You seriously think it’s a ghost?!”

Renjun can’t answer for a figure comes into view, who most certainly belongs to higher authorities you’re not supposed to upset. Instead of saying anything, you share a look with Renjun and the two of you take off running. The adrenaline has already spiked into your veins as you follow your companion, who unquestionably knows his ways around these tunnels. You hear shouts from someone who’s most likely a patrolling guard but you keep running till an exit appears and you get out into the fresh summer air. You only feel the breeze for a moment before you have to break into a sprint again. You can tell dawn is on its way with the glint of the sky.

You can still hear trouble behind you as you leave the area and somewhere into your escape, Renjun takes a hold of your hand to keep you from tripping.

You reach the school dorms out of breath, sweat coating your skin and muscles throbbing. The two of you breathe heavily before a smile creeps onto your face and you laugh (or rather, wheeze) despite your lungs aching. Renjun looks at you incredulously and smiles back, the moment almost delicate. There’s a brief second when the two of you realize your hands are still clasped in each other’s and you let go with a start. You’ll brush this under the carpet too, of course.

“I hate running,” Renjun says in between huffs, bent over with his palms on his knees. “But the look on your face…I can’t stop thinking of it.”

Renjun breaks into laughter, the dimple on his cheek showing and making his features all the more pleasant.

You shake your head at him, deciding to let this one slide.

“I’ll treat you to breakfast at Red’s,” you say, unsure why you’re doing this. You don’t have to, but you feel like you should. It’s not every day you see the flicks of an artist’s wrists.

“Shouldn’t you get home? You live pretty far,” he says.

“It’s only a ten-minute subway ride,” you shrug, “How do you know I live far anyway? Does this mean you’re the one stalking me? Hm?”

“You’ve said you live far before, dumbass,” Renjun replies, his ears turning red.

You grin at him, hoping Red’s has opened for breakfast.

And just like that, you find you’ve both cast aside your differences. Everyone who knows you are in awe when you and Renjun simply shrug at the idea of being partners for a project. Only Jeno and Jaemin look smug when you laugh at what Renjun says, while Donghyuck and some of your friends leave teasing remarks. Your accidents have decreased by a decent amount and Renjun no longer glares holes into the back of your head in Calculus and Geography. In fact, you’ve been having civil conversations (save for light insults and jokes like between friends) and although something has changed, it doesn’t feel odd at all, like this was meant to be.

You don’t miss any opportunity to trail behind Renjun every time he comes up with something new to paint. It’s not like he keeps it secretive enough from you and although he acts annoyed, you think he’s glad to not venture into creepy, abandoned places alone. He’s a little bit of a coward, but a brave artist nonetheless. You’re lucky that more often than not, it’s a clean getaway (though Chenle’s snooping around the police station helps). Somewhere along the way, you shoved off your unnecessary hatred for Renjun. The night never ages when you’re together.

You sit atop the ledge of an apartment rooftop with Renjun beside you. There’s a bunch of obsolete items stashed around the small space—an old vending machine, partly broken flower vases, a rusted bicycle and more—some entertained by the overgrown vines cradling them. Renjun’s finished painting the floor of the roof, a sunflower field with vague meaning and a tiny Moomin hiding in between. This building will be gone soon and no one would find this one easily, yet he painted here. You don’t understand why he works on things that don’t last.

The building is too short for you to view the skyline; it’s quite dazzling to look at during night-time but it’s morning now. Thus, you only have the sky’s pink clouds and Renjun to keep your company interesting enough.

“I mean, come on. Don’t tell me you’ve never thought this way,” Renjun continues rambling, “If the universe doesn’t give a shit about you anyway—why shouldn’t you do whatever the hell you want? Our lives are too small when you compare it to stars and planets. And even they don’t matter in the end!”

“Optimistic nihilism is not an excuse to wreak havoc, Renjun,” you sigh. The breeze is finally picking up on the rooftop. Empty apartment buildings are hard to find these days. Of course, you’ve only learnt that because of Renjun.

Renjun rolls his eyes. “It’s not like you’re an angel, you know?”

You feign a shocked expression, hand flying over your heart. “But you’re the one in black, Mr. Huang Renjun. And I’m the one in a white sweatshirt, looking as angelic as I can be.”

Renjun drops his head to rest his cheek against his palm, the look of distaste across his face.

“You have no idea how miserable you made me all these years,” he huffs. “I remember when you dropped the pottery mud on me in sixth grade—you ruined my figurine and I never got to wear that shirt again!”

“Why do you remember what I did to you in sixth grade?”

“You expect me to forget tha—you don’t look very apologetic either.” He narrows his eyes at you.

“I swear I never meant to do any of that!” you defend, shaking your head profusely, “Maybe a little sometimes. But mostly never.”

Renjun breathes out, a defeated sigh tumbling out. He turns back to the sunflowers on the roof, a brief flash of respite passing his features. The following moments are coloured with silence and you lean back onto your arms. You can see the beautifully simple tattoo of Saturn on his left wrist peeking out of his sleeve. Renjun doesn’t like showing it to people often, and it’s not very easy to spot it either with his love for jackets and long sleeves. He said he wasn’t really thinking when he got it, just thought it was pretty. You think it’s just like him.

If you were to reach out right now, you could run your thumb over the ink, feel the skin. Your face turns warm. This is not supposed to be the feeling you get. You must not think the words, or you’ll accept them for reality.

You’ve started thinking this lately, but Renjun isn’t a bad person. He might be too honest for his own good but he has a strong sense of right and wrong, something your class is not wrong for admiring. He’s said he wants to be brave one of these passing days, (“I don’t want to run all the time. Just from the cops maybe. And anyone with a weapon.” “Glad to know you’re not going to jail any time soon.” “Don’t look so disappointed.”). You think he already is brave for being true to himself. He’s not always impulsive either, and he’s surprisingly kind often. He’s clever with his words, not just annoying. You realize you’ve seen only a shadow of him before. You feel guilty for having been so harsh.

“It’s funny,” he says, a small smile on his face, “People who know usually question me why I do this first. You haven’t questioned me yet.”

“Why do you do this?”

“I don’t know.” Renjun shrugs. “I just wanted to shove my feelings somewhere, I guess. You know. Choose your own sin, that kinda thing.”

“That’s nice,” you say, your smile mirroring his. “You don’t have to show off, Mr. Artist.”

Renjun laughs, his eyes twinkling with the stars. He doesn’t have to look like that. You look away for fear of delving deeper, something unknown gripping you. There’s an uncomfortable feeling choking you, its dark hands constricting around your neck. This isn’t good. You must not think the words, the feelings or they will become reality.

You get up suddenly.

“You think I can jump across to the opposite building?” It’s no use. The red must have started blossoming over your neck and ears already. No matter; you have to run away from this feeling somehow.

“What the fuck?”

“Treat me to ice-cream if I succeed,” you say, the adrenaline rushing in. Much better than whatever the hell had gripped you. The gap’s not that large; if you get enough momentum, you can leap onto the building’s ledge. You can run away.

Renjun stands up in haste.

“Did you get hit on the head?” He takes a step towards you. “Why the hell do you think this is a good idea?”

“Doesn’t hurt to try.”

Before you can step on the ledge, however, Renjun’s hand shoots to grip your wrist, the touch burning your skin.

“Don’t.”

Oh, you definitely know what this feeling is. You’re not sure what the outcome will be, especially when a mere touch to the wrist can bloom red all across your skin, free so many butterflies in your chest and stomach. You’re almost ashamed of yourself, yet a voice inside you is smug; it was bound to happen. Renjun pulls you down off the ledge and lets go.

“Oh, well. The last one to reach the ground treats ice-cream!” you declare before you rush to the door at lightning speed, and swing it open to exit. You don’t want your feelings written all over your face for him to read.

“No- what?! That’s cheating!” Renjun scrambles behind you, his voice full of annoyance, but a different kind than before. You wish it hadn’t changed, but you’re also not quite complaining.

Renjun hates this feeling more than he’s ever hated you. In fact, he can’t remember the feeling of hating you anymore. He wonders if it’s okay to have these thoughts about you.

Renjun spots your figure on the couch by yourself. Jaemin’s parties have two kinds of people—people drunk out of their minds and people only here by peer compulsion. He can’t say he’s ever seen you at parties before, maybe once or twice, not that he’s cared—he only wanted to avoid you then. He fidgets with the yellow sleeves of his sweatshirt; he doesn’t usually wear something this bright but he’ll blame you once more. He wishes you hadn’t been so elusive lately; a part of him feels weary without you and a part curses him for that.

Renjun’s heart leaps to his chest when he sits beside you, only to be greeted with a sweet smile and flushed cheeks. Stop looking at me like that, he wishes he could think the words into existence. There are scores of emotions tangled up inside him with no way to untie the multicoloured knots. It takes a while to calm his heartbeat, and even then, it’s unnatural. He might as well tell you at this point—tell you that he likes you, that he’s wanted you more than he’s ever wanted anyone. He read somewhere that summer is a good time to let out your feelings although he can’t be sure of the credibility of the article.

You’ve always been a problem for him, this stupid, annoying problem he wanted to get rid of as soon as he could. And yet, you’ve given him the sweetest picture of all. He doesn’t usually play this game—in fact, he’s never done anything like this before. He feels embarrassed every time he drifts past his daydream, wanting you to kiss him, caress his cheek and run your fingers through his hair. These thoughts feel more illicit than anything he’s ever done. Renjun feels weak in the head when you tug at his sleeve.

“Hi,” you greet, still smiling. Renjun desperately wishes you wouldn’t look at him like that.

Just confess, the voice inside his head tells him. Get it out of your system.

“Hey.”

However, the words halt on his tongue. This is the voice he’s been saying no to ever since you looked at him with wonder, with stars tugging your smile by those subway walls.

He needs to swallow his pride to confess— but just what is he doing? This is not what was supposed to happen, this is not something he’d ever imagine a few months ago. He’s practised the words, but he can’t look you in the eye. He can’t tell you, oh no. It’s easier to run away.

You tilt your head, your gaze soft and Renjun feels a sigh leave his mouth.

“I like you,” he blurts out. “Yes. I, uh, l-like you. That’s what I meant to say- what I’ve been meaning to say. For a while.”

“Oh, thank you,” you say, “That’s very sweet of you.”

You burst into a fit of giggles. Renjun is only slightly baffled as he examines your condition. Out of all the ways he’d imagined you reacting to his confession, this was not one of them.

“Are you- are you drunk?!” he asks, the realization dawning upon him. You reek of alcohol, he finds with a sniff.

“What? No. Go back to being sweet. What were you saying again?”

Renjun places his face in his hands and groans. Not only did his horribly timed confession go unheard, but also he’ll undoubtedly have to carry your drunk ass back home. He definitely does not want your family finding him with you in this state.

“How much did you drink?” Renjun asks with a grimace, helping you up.

“Renjun. You’re adorable,” you say, wrapping your arms around his torso. He freezes immediately, resisting an urge to push you off him. This is strange, the feeling is strange. Renjun’s cheeks have risen a few degrees, his chest blooming with electricity and his ears will blow steam if he doesn’t do anything soon.

“We need to get you home,” he says, the syllables distinct.

“How could I go home?” you whine, wrapping your arms tighter around him.

Renjun resists another urge to smack you over the head. His heartbeat is frantic at this point, and he wants nothing more than the sweet relief of death to free himself from you. Besides alcohol, he can smell strawberries, possibly from your shampoo, and a dash of fabric softener. You’re warm and comfortable, annoyingly so. If you stay like this, he might not be able to bear the thought of you moving away from him.

Of course, Jeno has to find the two of you like this, your head in the crook of his neck and arms wrapped around him as his own balance you. In the middle of the living room, you look like young lovers who have forgotten the rest of the room, the world. There are people all around, yet no one cares.

Better Jeno than the others, Renjun thinks when he meets his friend’s eyes, although Jeno can be equally teasing.

“Help me get them home,” Renjun says, pulling you apart and holding you steady. You let out a complaint that he ignores.

“You could take them to the dorms,” Jeno offers. “It’s nearby.”

“What?!” Renjun didn’t realize his pitch could rise that high. “Can’t they…stay here?”

“The rooms are occupied. Besides, your roommate’s on vacation, right? You can take the top bunk,” Jeno suppresses an amused smile. Renjun hates him looking so smug.

“Okay,” he says, “I’ll…do…that.”

“Need help sneaking (name) in?” Jeno has a teasing lilt to his voice.

“No, I’m good,” Renjun responds quickly. Jeno won’t let him live, will he?

In the end, with much difficulty, Renjun actually manages to sneak you in and with even more difficulty, he gets you to sit on the bed.

“I like you like this,” you say with a laugh. “I wish you’d always be this nice. And loving. And nice. Everyone would love you more. Not as cool guy Renjun. But sweet guy Renjun. I love sweet guy Renjun.”

Renjun sighs heavily. “If I gave all my love away like that, do you think people would care about me for me?”

He shakes his head. There’s no way he’s having a coherent conversation with you right now.

“I would,” you respond, your voice meek.

Renjun ignores your answer; you must be too drunk to think right now. With a hurried goodbye, he turns off the lights and clutches his heart tighter to bed.

You clear your throat, trying desperately to distract yourself from certain memories of last night and the fact that you’re currently in the school dorms, likely in Renjun’s room.

The afternoon has bled well into wisps of the evening, and you look around more nervous than ever. You remember clinging onto Renjun a little too tight, your hands around his waist—it’s the first time you’ve touched him save for the occasional swatting at his hands or punches to the shoulder. What would the school think of you two warmed up so close to each other like that—what would Renjun think of your stupid drunk self holding on to him like that?

Or even worse, what if you said something? What if you let slip something important at a time when words don’t mean as much?

The door opens and you flinch, turning your head to find the object of your afflictions. Renjun blinks for a moment or two before he sits beside you. He’s wearing a thin jacket; it’s not cold outside but he prefers those anyway. There are a gash and a bruise on his cheek and you wonder which obviously larger and stronger opponent he pissed off again.

“I thought you’d never wake,” Renjun says, nodding to emphasize. “That’s my bed, by the way.”

“Who’d you get into a fight with?” You shift closer, narrowing your eyes.

Renjun sighs, making a face. “Some idiot. Why does that matter?”

“Hold that tongue of yours for once,” you chide.

He heaves a noise of annoyance. “What are you, my mom? I let you sleep here all of last night and most of today—and the first thing you do is complain. I could’ve left you at Jaemin’s house, you know?”

“See! That’s what I’m talking about—you have no control over what you say sometimes,” you state, an old feeling bubbling up. “You pick a fight with everyone.”

“No. Everyone picks a fight with me and they do that because they hate the truth.” He pauses to let his frown show in his eyes. “Are you telling me I shouldn’t tell people to stop being rude to waitresses or tell the other kids to stop whining about not doing anything? They know the truth too.”

“When will you realize there are things more important than the truth?” Your voice is louder already. But you don’t think you mean the words; they’re just cowardly, from a person too afraid to lay their feelings out in the open.

“So you’ve decided to be this way then,” he says, scowling already. This is an old scene alright.

“I’m just telling you what might help—God, never mind,” you say, standing up quickly, “This what I hate about you. You’re just- there are just so many things I hate about you.”

No, you don’t mean any of this but habits die slow.

Renjun looks up at you silently. The sunlight makes its way to his cheek, caressing it with golden hues. His hair brushes against his browbone, the sun apparent in the brownish loose strands. The gash on his cheek is unbecoming but if anything, it highlights the rosy hues of his lips and nose. You’ve never been this infuriated yet fascinated with someone before. Your hands twitch, head still clouded with unfamiliar thoughts and a hangover. You wish you hadn’t snuck a look at his lips.

“Go on then,” he whispers, eyes flickering down for barely a moment, “Tell me what you hate about me.”

Do you take the risk? You hold the fragile thread against your thumb, a small tug required to snap it off.

You pull him up by the lapels of his jacket into a kiss, his lips rough against yours. The force of your pull sends the two of you stumbling backward three steps before your lower back hits the side of the study desk. You hold your position, your shaking hands bunching up the cloth you tightly hold.

When he doesn't respond, you feel a tremor of panic—maybe you shouldn't have been so hasty, maybe you figured wrong. You pull away with a start, an apology popping up on your lips and warmth across your face. But in the brief stretch of a moment, Renjun slides one arm around your waist and the other against the table for balance, his torso relaxing as he pushes against your lips again to further the kiss.

When you pull away, Renjun’s face is a sweet shade of pink. He looks embarrassed for a moment before he furrows his eyebrows, lips curving to a frown.

“You shouldn’t go around crashing your lips onto other people’s,” he scolds.

Your face flushes hot and you stumble over words to excuse yourself.

“Sorry,” you say, “I should have asked.”

“You’re lucky I like you,” he mumbles. “You’re lucky I wanted to kiss you the moment I entered this room.”

You feel another rush of warmth to your cheeks. Renjun is no different, face splashed pink from his words and your actions.

Renjun dips his head and you press your lips against his in another kiss, this one much calmer as a promise, the feeling already getting familiar. Maybe fate had different plans all along and the two of you misunderstood. Or perhaps, you’ve fallen into something fate forgot to acknowledge, perhaps fate grew tired.

Renjun pulls away first, lips parting into an open smile. Your heart swells, all the contempt inside driven out.

“I was wrong,” you confess, “I was wrong about you- about a lot of things, actually.”

“I’m glad we’re on the same boat,” he says softly.

You bury your head against his neck again, the smell of summer wind and green tea hand cream wafting in. You can’t quite describe it but you’ve grown used it, the scent and the warmth. You’ve grown used to Renjun as a person now and not as the bane of your existence.

“You know, I actually wouldn’t mind,” Renjun says.

“What?”

“Going to prom with you.”

You laugh. He looks away bashfully, the dimple appearing once more and you know right then you’ve been wrong in cursing fate—this is a gift that took time, one you unwrapped late. He’s only occasionally timid, not looking to pick a fight and you want to cherish moments like these. You don’t have to say things to mean them with him; you don’t have to hold his hand to feel warmth. Whatever had been set up for you, the two of you have finished it and as your mother says, only once in a blue moon does fate betray its course.

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amayawolfe · 4 years ago

Text

Bubblegum Blood Prologue Pt.3 - The Show Must Go On!

My Stories Masterlist

Word Count: 4756

Summary: Hisoka gets ready for the side shows to be put on by the performance troupe. As he prepares, ghosts and echoes of his past come to haunt him; both threaten to drag him down into the dark depths from which they came.

Warnings: violence, homophobia, homophobic slurs, mental struggle, angst, mentions of death, description of gore, suggestions of past abuse/sexual abuse/non-consensuel, emotional trauma, harsh language

Hisoka

Hisoka watched as his friend hurried by the group of utter human trash. A part of him wished Drake or Jasper would try something as she walked by just so he had an excuse to throw his fork next. When nothing happened he sighed in mild disappointment.

Disposing of those two would be a favor unto the world,~ ♢ Hisoka thought to himself. His heart quickened at the thought of taking care of the matter himself. His trainer’s words on how killing should only be done if there were no other choice replayed in his head; he snickered.

Well, I suppose if no one else is willing to do it, then I have no other choice, now do I?~ ♢

Glancing out the window Hisoka noticed the sun was starting to set. He decided it was best to get ready for the show and rose from his seat, leaving behind his nearly full plate of cold food.

As he started to walk by the fire performers, Jasper quickly stuck his foot out in attempts to trip Hisoka. Having expected the trainee to pull something like this, Hisoka easily stepped over Jasper’s foot, turned, winked, blew a kiss then turned back around and continued at his own casual walking pace towards the stairs. He added a little more sway to his hips than normal just to aggravate them. The overall speed and grace Hisoka applied to the move had nearly made it look like he was doing a little dance step.

He could feel Drake, Jasper, and most likely a couple other people, burning a glare into the back of his head. The sensation caused him to smirk as he ascended the stairs.

The troupe had sleeping arrangements done so everyone shared rooms to help save money; minus Morintonio who had his own private room. Hisoka and Abaki were each assigned to rooms with accommodations to fit eight people; having a bunk bed in each corner and a table with chairs in the center. Hisoka’s roommates consisted of three other trainees and four trained adults.

Upon entering the room he found one trainee and two adults getting ready for the shows. They glanced up at him as he entered, said nothing, and continued getting ready for their own acts. Hisoka smirked a little and went over to his assigned bunk and retrieved his travel bag.

Having been found with nothing more than the ruined clothes on his back, Hisoka had very little when it came to personal possessions. A few changes of clothes courtesy of Magikana and Abaki, some toiletries, a pack of his favorite gum, decks of playing cards, makeup, and a special outfit for when he assisted Magikana in her magic acts.

Throwing the travel bag over his shoulder Hisoka turned and headed to one of the shared bathrooms. Upon entering he closed and locked the door behind himself and tossed his bag atop the bathroom counter next to the sink. He ran his long slim fingers through his soft red raspberry hair, took a deep breath, held it, then let it out slowly. Turning his head to look into the mirror, he hesitated.

Hisoka loathed looking into mirrors and avoided them as much as possible; only using them when he needed to put on his performance makeup. He closed his eyes, licked his lips, and felt a strained smile spread across his face.

This is absurd ♠, he thought dismally to himself, she can’t hurt you anymore. Can’t lie to you anymore. She’s dead, dead by your own two hands. He balled both of his hands into tight, white knuckled fists. And the dead can’t hurt anyone! There’s simply no reason to be afraid anymore. ♣

Yet he was. Hisoka was momentarily frozen with not only fear, but disgust and guilt as well. He stood there trembling in silence for several minutes. It was the sounds of the other troupe members getting ready just outside the bathroom door that brought him back around.

Turning his head the rest of the way and fully facing the mirror, Hisoka slowly opened his eyes. His gaze locked with the person that was staring back at him from the reflective surface. A woman with medium-long dark brown hair, fair skin peppered with freckles, a strong jaw, and a pointed nose was staring right back at the young redhead. Hisoka’s facial features closely resembled the woman’s, but the feature that was most strikingly similar were the eyes.

The woman had the exact same eyes as Hisoka. Or rather, Hisoka had the exact same eyes as the woman. The same shade of golden amber that changed in intensity depending on the mood of the bearer. They even had the same lost and lonely feelings buried deep within the warm colors.

One thing about this woman that was difficult to miss was the dried blood splattered over her face and the horrid gash across her throat. The gash ran deep enough one could see her trachea had been split wide open.

“Hello, mother… ♠” Hisoka whispered bitterly. Nothing changed minus a small, sad smile that touched the woman’s lips. He sighed then pinched the bridge of his nose.

“When are you going to stop haunting me, mother? You’ve been dead for nearly half a year after all. ♣.” He took several slow, deep, calming breaths to lower his heart rate and hone in his focus.

Upon opening his eyes, the woman was gone. Hisoka let out a sigh of relief along with a small, strained laugh. When he was under severe stress, he would sometimes find it extremely difficult to be able to focus enough to get his mother to go away. Even though he didn’t believe in ghosts, Hisoka often wondered if her spirit haunted him.

Frowning slightly he studied his own features in the mirror for a moment. After a few minutes he shrugged and smirked to himself. He knew there was something not right with him, something that continuously caused him to see his dead mother every time he looked into a mirror. Regardless of the fact that he held no remorse for his past actions. Well, for the most part, anyway.

“Oh well,~ ♣” he sighed as he unzipped his travel bag, “the show must go on.~ ♢”

Hisoka rummaged around his bag and pulled out his makeup. He also pulled out a piece of strawberry flavored BungeeGum brand bubble gum. He looked at the wrapper for a moment and tilted his head to one side as he stared at the little face on the wrapper. Looking back up at the mirror Hisoka tried to mimic the smile and did an eerily realistic job of it. Such a wide smile on his face came across as somewhat disturbing. He liked it.

He unwrapped the gummy, rubbery treat and popped it into his mouth. The strawberry flavored gum was his favorite. With a small sigh of contentment he straightened out the wrapper and laid it out on the bathroom counter. Hisoka then dove back into his bag and pulled out a pair of charcoal grey velvet lycra leggings. He examined the material carefully, running his fingers over the smooth material as the shades of grey shifted in the light with each movement before setting it down.

Next, he pulled out a light pink satin tunic with closed billowy sleeves and a high collar. Following the tunic was a two button double breasted vest that ended just below his chest and was in a medium shade of pastel yellow. The vest had silvery embroidered designs and the buttons were in the shapes of playing card suits. He smirked a little as he ran his fingers on the spade, club, heart, and diamond buttons in turn.

Playing cards had a huge significance in Hisoka's life; both for better and for worse. So he always seemed to get mixed feelings when he used playing cards and or bore their symbols.

Hisoka changed out of his current set of clothes and put on his performance attire. After tucking in his tunic he looked back at himself in the mirror and smiled. He loved how the colors complimented his hair and eyes. He turned his body this way and that to get a better look at himself then did a full pirouette. The action amused Hisoka and caused him to giggle a little at himself.

He particularly loved how the shirt sleeves moved with every motion of his arms. This was actually meant to draw the eyes of onlookers away from what he was doing as he performed magic tricks. Magikana had told him that the method was called “zee art of misdirection”. Although he had not known what it was called at the time, Hisoka had actually learned a lot about this art from someone else, his mother.

Shortly after he had made a nearly full recovery, Morintonio and Magikana found Hisoka shuffling a deck of playing cards. There had been some discussion as to whether or not the redheaded teen should be allowed to come along with the troupe; so upon seeing Hisoka with the cards, Morintonio had asked him if he knew any magic tricks.

The boy simply smiled and performed a few magic tricks. Most of them were basic and simple, but he did manage to pull off a couple that impressed both the ring leader and the magician. When asked about his talents, Hisoka simply replied, “My mother was a clever and talented woman.” It was then Morintonio offered for him to join the troupe and Magikana volunteered to take the boy under her wing.

Drawing his attention back to the task at hand, Hisoka opened up his makeup and glanced down at the BungeeGum wrapper he had laid out. With a steady and practiced hand he applied his eye liner and some light blue eyeshadow to compliment the pinks and yellows of his outfit. He then applied a tinted lip gloss to give his full lips both shine and color.

“And now for the finishing touches,~ ♢” he mused to himself. He leaned in close to the mirror and painted a yellow teardrop on his left cheek and a pink star on his right cheek, both just below the outer corners of his eyes. Hisoka then leaned back and admired his work.

“Why, aren’t I just the little treat! ♡” he smiled to himself. Hisoka instantly regretted his words as a memory ripped through his mind.

He was in a small, poorly lit room and there was a mixed scent of dirty bed sheets and alcohol. He wore nothing more than his boxers. His body trembling had not been due to him being cold, he was scared and felt horribly vulnerable. He wasn’t alone, a man stood swaying before him with a bottle in one hand. The man’s glazed eyes slowly went over the poor, nearly naked boy with the look of a predator. The man reached over to Hisoka and firmly took his chin in a rough hand, forcing Hisoka to look up at him. Hisoka shuddered as the man ran a rough thumb over his lips.

“My,” the man slurred, “aren’t chu jusht the little treat.”

Hisoka cried out and tore his vision away from the mirror. His body trembled just as it had in the memory and his breathing came out in quick, ragged breaths. Tears started to form in his eyes as he stared at the floor with his hands braced against his knees. His mind raced as he struggled to get his thoughts back under control.

“H-hey, Hisoka? You okay in there, kid?” It was one of the adults that was sharing the sleeping area. The sudden voice caused Hisoka to blink out of his traumatic trance and glance quickly around the bathroom to assure himself of where he was and that he was safe. He then jumped a little when there was a loud knock at the bathroom door.

“Hey! Hisoka! You okay?!” The man was now shouting and even sounded a little concerned as he tried the locked door knob. Hisoka wasn’t sure how long he had been standing there in that state or how long someone had been knocking at the bathroom door.

“I’m f-fine,” Hisoka’s voice cracked. He internally cursed himself then cleared his throat.

“I’m fine, thank you, ♡” he said in a more confident voice, “I’ll be out in a minute. ♣”

After a quick glance in the mirror to check his makeup, Hisoka threw his previous outfit and everything else into his travel bag then grabbed it and headed for the door. He unlocked it, threw it open and strode out like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. As he did so, he passed by a tall, limber man with no hair and wearing a tumblers outfit.

The man put one hand on his hip while he rubbed his bald head with the other, watching the redheaded teen with a look of concern.

“You sure you okay, kid? It sounded like you were screaming in there.”

Hisoka suppressed a cringe, disgusted and agitated with his lack of control over himself. He looked up at the man and smiled.

“Yes, I accidentally stubbed my toe you see,~ ♠” he lied, “It just simply caught me off guard is all. ♣”

The man frowned and Hisoka could tell he didn’t believe him. But instead of pressing the matter any further, the man shrugged, grabbed a large bag filled with juggling pins, balls, and rings then headed out of the room closing the door behind him.

As soon as the man left, Hisoka’s false smile fell away from his face and he let loose an irritated sigh. Hisoka felt as though his mental state wasn’t getting any worse, but it sure as hell wasn’t getting much better.

A sudden surge of loneliness washed over him as he secretly wished there was someone he could talk to. He did consider Abaki and Magikana to be friends, to a point, but he knew they wouldn’t understand him and would most likely ostracize him if he told them of his past. There was Morintonio, but Hisoka simply felt he did not know enough about the man to feel comfortable or safe enough to spill his dark secrets.

It began to feel as though a cold, lonely feeling of despair had coiled around him and was squeezing him tightly; so much to the point it felt like it was becoming harder to breathe. Hisoka swallowed the growing lump in his throat and wrapped his arms around himself as his shoulders started to tremble. Tears began to prick his eyes and his lower lip quivered a little. He thought of simply calling it a night and going to bed. After all, Magikana was more than capable of putting on a small sideshow all by herself.

A boisterous group out in the hallway laughed and carried on as they passed the room’s closed door. The sudden noise caused him to start and it snapped him out of his dark thoughts, allowing him to shake off some of the melancholy he was sinking into. He wanted to be a part of that, a part of the laughter and joy. He wanted people to see him and see how great and wonderful he could be. Would hiding in this room all balled up and feeling sorry for himself achieve that?

“No! ♣” he said loudly to no one other than himself, “The show must go on! And I will wow and dazzle them like no other! ♢”

With a surge of confidence and the determination not to let life bring him down, Hisoka snatched a couple packs of playing out of his bag, put them in his breast pockets then tossed his bag up onto his bunk. Next he grabbed his performance boots made of soft medium grey leather and pulled them on. They nearly came up to his knee, had two inch heels, and had the card suit symbols as studs set in a diamond pattern on the outer side of each boot.

Hisoka then hopped to his feet and tapped his boots in place before bolting for the door. He threw open the door and nearly crashed right into Abaki who was standing just on the other side. Hisoka had to grab the door frame to stop so suddenly and Abaki grabbed him by the shoulders in a surprised response.

“Oh!” she gasped, “There you are! Kana was looking for you, you two will be starting in just a few minutes, come on!”

Before Hisoka even had a chance to respond Akabi grabbed him by the hand and started running down the hall towards the stairs with him in tow. Hisoka was grateful he had been able to pull himself back together when he had, he did not want his one of two friends to see him in the unstable state he had been in.

Without hesitation Abaki ran down the flight of stairs while still holding his hand and made a beeline for the door. As soon as they got outside and to the harbor, Hisoka was astounded by the amount of people that had come to see the little side shows. He could feel a small surge of adrenaline from excitement and anticipation start to flow in his veins. Abaki released his hand and pointed in a direction through the crowds.

“Kana should be over there finishing getting ready. You better hurry! I have to get to my group, break a leg!” She then turned and started to push through the crowd in the opposite direction she had pointed.

As Hisoka started to make his way through he barely heard Abaki shout out to him, “Oh! Hisoka! Meet me back here when you’re done and we can walk along the beach for shells!”

Not sure if his friend could see him, the redheaded teen simply reached up and waved his hand above his head to confirm he had heard her. He then continued pushing through the crowd in the direction Abaki had told him to go. After a couple minutes, he breached the mass of people and stepped in the empty circular space that they had formed around his trainer.

Magikana was dressed wonderfully in her full performance attire. She wore a scarlet satin tunic with open billowy sleeves and black velvet lycra leggings. A set of black card suit symbols went down the front of her tunic. On her shoulders was a black shawl with a high collar and bright silvery embroidery along with silver card suit symbols. On the underside of the shawl was a vibrant yellow satin material with more card suit patterns. Her boots were the same as Hisoka’s minus the fact they were black instead of grey. A vibrant yellow top hat with a dark blue top and red and black card suit symbols encircling near the base completed the outfit.

The magician straightened up from leaning over her chest of supplies and gave her trainee a small frown. She mouthed the words “you are late”. In response Hisoka gave a sheepish grin and shrugged. She looked like she was about to say more but stopped herself as she looked over his face carefully. After a moment she pressed her lips tightly together and gave him a single nod followed by the signal to get the show started.

Hisoka’s smile became genuine as his heart began to race with excitement and he turned to face the crowd. He then began to announce as loudly and clearly as possible, “Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages! ♣ You are about to be tantalizingly wonderfied and mind numbingly mystified by the greatest magic show Moritintio’s Traveling Circus has to offer. ♢” As he spoke he swept his hands and arms gracefully through the air while practically dancing along the edge of the crowd, drawing everyone’s eyes to him.

“Introducing the lady of mystery and mistress of the arts of magic and illusions, the one and only, Magikana! ♡” Hisoka turned and made a sweeping gesture towards Magikana’s back, and in doing so, delivered everyone’s attention over to her.

Magikana twirled in place so that she now faced her apprentice. She made a wide, sweeping bow towards the crowd. Standing up smiled out to the crowd and started to walk forward.

“Zank you, my dear, for zat marvelous intro-” Magikana suddenly tripped and stumbled over her own feet. Hisoka winced as people around the crowd began to snicker.

“Ah ha, v-vell,” Magikana stuttered as she straightened back up and smiled nervously. “Ve all make mistake, yes?” She pulled out a deck of playing cards seemingly out of thin air and began to shuffle them. “Now, for my first trick I-”

She was cut off again as the cards suddenly flew from her hand and all about the ground. A look of horror came across her face as Hisoka brought a hand up to cover his face in shame. People began to laugh and boo as Magikana stood there and nervously chewed a fingernail.

Just as it looked like people were about to leave, a sly, mysterious smile spread across Magikana’s wide, thin lips and a mischievous glint flashed in her eyes. She twirled in place and let out a cry as she came down into a wide stanced crouch and slapped one palm down upon the ground. As soon as she did, each card that was laying on the ground suddenly burst into small clouds of different colored smoke. From the smoke flew out two to three pink and red hemotropic butterflies. The startled crowd made noises of awe as they watched the butterflies flit about before heading towards the inn the troupe was staying in.

“Now zat I have your undivided attention,” Magikana crowed, shuffling yet another deck of cards that had mysteriously appeared in her hands, “Zee real show can begin!”

With that, time went by in a blur. Both Magikana and Hisoka put on a glamorous show that kept people guessing for days; looking back and wondering just how objects seemingly appeared out of thin air or floated about, defying gravity. Before long, the donation box Hisoka would periodically work around the edge of the crowd was fit to burst.

In a little over an hours time the show was over and people were slowly departing. Magikana and Hisoka were cleaning up their area when she looked over at her young apprentice and smiled.

“You did very vell tonight, little vun,” she praised, “I vas concerned at first, I could tell you had been upset. Everything is okay now, yes?”

Hisoka opened his mouth to respond but decided against his words. He then simply smiled and nodded instead. Magikana gave him a warm, sympathetic look.

“You know, you can alvays talk to me, my deary,” she said gently. “You are like nephew to me, I vill alvays have time to listen to you.”

Yes, that may be true, but you may not like what you hear… ♠ Hisoka thought bitterly to himself. And if you knew the truth about me, would you still call me your nephew? ♣

“I will be sure to keep that in mind, sensei, thank you. ♡” His words and appreciation were genuine, but Magikana could tell something was still being kept from her. She let out a soft sigh and changed the subject.

“Night is still young, you have plans?”

“Actually, I do. Abaki asked me to join her to collect shells along the beach. ♡”

“Ah, zat sounds vunderful. And moonlight is good enough for such venture.” Magikana then made a shooing gesture with her hand. “Go zen, I vill get zee rest.”

Hisoka hesitated as there was still quite a bit of cleanup to do.

“Are you sure? ♣”

She nodded, “Yes, little vun should go and have fun vith friend. Ah! But if you see starfish, bring back for me. Add to collection.”

Hisoka smirked, nodded, then turned and headed towards the direction he was supposed to meet Abaki.

The crowds were still thick as the other shows had also ended. People milled about as they were slowly making their own way while conversing about what they had just seen. Hisoka decided to move to the outer edge of the crowd and work his way up along so that the buildings and alleys were to his left and the masses of people to his right. This made movement a little easier.

He was in good spirits now, the emotional traumas he experienced not that long ago were pushed far back into the recesses of his mind. And he looked forward to a nice moonlit walk on the beach with his friend.

Perhaps I can convince Abaki to ask Camilla to join us. That would really rub Jasper the wrong way.~ ♡ Hisoka chuckled at his own thoughts.

Unfortunately, Hisoka’s divided attention between his own thoughts and avoiding the crowds streaming past had caused him to not pay enough attention to the narrow alleys he was passing. A large, strong hand reached out and grabbed him by the wrist, retching him into the ally and throwing him down on the filthy ground a couple meters in.

Even though mildly stunned, Hisoka was quick to get back onto his feet only to receive a blow to the stomach. The redheaded teen gagged and stumbled a few steps back. Through watering eyes he looked up to see Jasper standing tall with a look of triumph and malice.

“Hello, twink,” he sneered. “I overheard Abaki saying she was to meet you after the shows. I knew you two were more than friends. Does she know you’re just leading her on?”

“Why?~ ♣” Hisoka smirked and straightened up more, still holding one hand to his stomach, “Are you jealous, Jasper? I’m sorry to say this, but, you’re just not my type.~ ♠”

Jasper sneered in disgust at Hisoka using Abaki’s own words at him. But Hisoka wasn’t done.

“Besides, what you’re saying doesn’t make any sense. Why would I lead Abaki on if I were gay? ♣”

Jasper hesitated before he gave a triumphant grin and pointed at Hisoka.

“It’s because you want more to be like you!”

“Oh?~ ♣”

“Yeah! Being gay is messed up and you don’t want to be alone, that’s why you’ve corrupted Abaki!”

Hisoka couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. He popped a hip and moved his hand from his stomach to that hip.

“You poor homophobic fool,~ ♠” he chuckled and shook his head. “Abaki was interested in girls for quite some time before I even showed up. She told me herself. ♡And, if I recall correctly, she’s told you the same. ♣”

“You’re lying,” Jasper snarled. He balled his hands into tight fists of anger.

“Oh? Am I now? ♣ Or are you just too naive and stubborn to face the truth that Abaki isn’t in you? And that, in fact, the girl you like is interested in your sister instead?~ ♡”

“Shut up,” Jasper spat, “you shut your filthy queer mouth right now!”

Hisoka’s smile became mischievous. He enjoyed upsetting Jasper to no end and wanted to push him even further.

“And, if you ask me, it would appear your sister likes Aba-”

“I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!!”

Jasper charged Hisoka in a fit of rage. Hisoka simply smirked as Jasper had played right into Hisoka’s hands. As Jasper threw a punch aimed for Hisoka’s face, Hisoka easily sidestepped the blow and brought his elbow down on the back of Jasper’s neck as hard as he could.

If the blow to the back of Jasper’s neck hadn’t rendered him unconscious, then the harsh impact of his face meeting the hard ground did. Hisoka snickered at the unconscious Jasper now at his feet.

“Pathetic,” he sighed, “I expected a better fight from you than that.~ ♠”

As he was about to turn and walk out of the alley when something caught Hisoka’s attention. Jasper’s hands, they were smaller than the hand that had grabbed him and threw him into the alley.

Just as Hisoka realized this there was noise of movement behind him. He started to spin around and attempted to put up his nen in defense, but he wasn’t fast enough. Without seeing who his surprise attacker was, Hisoka felt a sudden sharp pain to the back of his head and everything went dark.

~ ~ ~

Previous Chapter: Bubblegum Blood Prologue Pt. 2 - A Glimpse of Darkness

Next Chapter: Bubblegum Blood Ch. 4 - On Death’s Doorstep

~ ~ ~

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, if you did, please be sure to slap that heart note!

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ct7567329 · 5 years ago

Text

Thank You: Fives x Reader

Kinda Sad, sorry

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

"And that is why I would never, EVER, threaten to steal Rex's hair dye again!" Jesse laughed. You and Kix did the same. The 501st was on Coruscant so you decided to spend the day at 79's, or the clone bar as some call it, with your friends Kix and Jesse. Just because you were their general, it didn't mean you couldn't be their friends. You wanted to spend the day with your boyfriend Fives, but apparently he was going to have a secret talk with the chancellor. Jesse and Kix were hysterical, but your laughs didn't laugh long though. Suddenly, a screen in the bar lit up with a picture of Fives.

"Guys look!" you gasped.

The screen read: Wanted: Treason to the Republic, Assassination attempt of the Chancellor.

"That can't be right!" Kix muttered as you and Jesse shook your heads. You tried to call him on his comlink, but the call never went through. Worry began to take over your body. Kix got up to go to the bathroom while Jesse was trying to make you comfortable.

"Look's like the 501st made its way to Coruscant," Fives mumbled, causing Kix to turn around.

"Fives! What are you doing here?!" Kix whispered with spite, "I heard you tried to assassinate the chancellor!"

"It's not what you think! Where's (Y/N)? I need (Y/N)!" Fives panicked.

"She's here right now, I can get -" Kix was cut off by Fives.

"No, no, I need her to meet me at these coordinates! Please tell her to hurry. Tell Rex and General Skywalker to come to those coordinates too. But give them to (Y/N) first. Please," Fives pleaded. "I must be going now!"

Kix stood in the bathroom for a minute, speechless. Finally, he decided to come out of the bathroom to speak to you and Jesse.

"He was here! I can sense it! I know it!" you were almost screaming as Jesse was holding you, trying to relax you.

"(Y/N), Fives has given me coordinates, he wants to see you. He begged to see you. You must go here," Kix informed you.

Instantly, you jumped out of Jesse's grasp and ran out of the bar.

"Poor girl," Kix sighed, taking a sip of his drink.

Outside the bar, you hopped onto the closest speeder and sped off into the depths of Coruscant. "It's impossible. Fives wouldn't try to kill the chancellor. He's probably so scared. Something isn't right," you kept thinking. Before long, you were finally at the coordinates Fives gave to Kix. It was a warehouse. You slowly walk in.

"Fives? Fives, it's me. I'm here. Fives?" you were getting no response. Your insides started to shake, you feared for Fives' life.

"(Y/N)?" Fives called. The fear in his voice gave you chills.

"Yes Fives, I'm here!" you called back, finally seeing him behind some boxes. You run up to him and jump into his arms. He embraces you as tight as he can, tears running down his face. "Fives, what happened?!"

He tries to make out words between sobs. "(Y/N). As crazy as this seems you must believe me, you have to. Please. I would never lie to you!"

"I believe you Fives, please talk to me," you say with compassion in your tone, rubbing his head, which was pressed against your chest.

"The chancellor. He's the Sith Lord, (Y/N)! He told me all of the clones have a chip in their heads. All he has to do is give us a command and all the clone will turn against the Jedi and kill all of them! It's the ultimate plan against the Republic. (Y/N), his order would make every clone want to kill the Jedi, even you!" Fives cried, "You have to make sure every clone has their chip removed!"

"Fives," you cried along with him, "Fives, who told you this."

"The chancellor himself!" Fives was shaking at this point.

"Fives, don't worry. I've got you. We will get through this," you insure him, continuing to rub his head.

"Fives? It's Anakin and Rex. We're here to talk to you," you both heard Anakin say.

You let go of Fives and go to meet Anakin. Before you do though, Fives tells you no to tell Anakin anything. You promise not to. You walk to Anakin.

"Anakin?" you call out.

"(Y/N). What are you doing here?" Anakin asked, seeming defensive.

"I was given the coordinate from Kix. I'm here to talk to Fives. I was looking around for him."

"We need to find him," Anakin started to say, "Fives, Fives! We're here to talk to you! We won't hurt you. It's just me, Rex and (Y/N)."

"Uh, put down your weapons!" Fives yells.

"I don't think so Fives," Anakin replied with some sass.

"Please General!" Fives cries out.

"Okay Fives," Anakin groans, putting his lightsaber down as Rex puts his blasters down. You also put your lightsaber down as well. "We all put our weapons down Fives," Anakin sighs.

Suddenly, a ray shield comes down around you, Rex and Anakin.

"Fives!" Rex yells.

Fives jumps out from behind the boxes. "I'm sorry, I just need to talk to you guys."

"Well we don't have a choice now, do we?" Anakin sarcastically adds.

"There's a sinister plot, in the works, against the Jedi! I have proof of it! I can prove that everything I know is true beyond a shadow of a doubt!" Fives started to yell.

"Show me the evidence!" Anakin commanded.

"The evidence, is, in here. It's in here!" Fives hardly got out, pointing to his head, "It's in all of us, every clone!"

"What is it?" Rex growled under his breath.

"Organic chips built into our genetic code, to make us do whatever someone wants, even kill the Jedi. It's all in here!" Fives kept pointing to his head.

You exchanged a distressed look with Rex.

"Let's just get you some help first the we can review everything. You'll be okay Fives, we'll sort this out," Anakin reasoned with Fives. Watching the pain in Fives tortured your heart.

"You don't believe me!" Fives yelled. You looked at Fives with fear in your eyes.

"I believe you Fives," you told him, trying to put compassion in your tone.

"Fives, we are listening to you. We only want to help," Rex told Fives, trying to calm him down.

"How do I know you're not tricking me? How do I know it won't be a trap? The chancellor will try to kill me! I promise you that!" Fives yelled at Rex. You tried to calm Fives with your eyes, but he wouldn't look at you.

"The chancellor?" Anakin questioned.

At this point, little did you know, a squadron of clones, assigned to arrest Fives were approaching the warehouse.

"He's in on it! I don't know to what extent, but I know but I now he orchestrated much of this. He told me in the medical bay," Fives tried to explain.

"He told you, when you tried to assassinate him?! You have gone too far Fives! The chancellor is incapable of what you claim!" Anakin yelled at Fives. You put your hand on Anakin's shoulder to try to calm him down, but it was no use. Anakin, pushed your hand off him.

"He is! I swear to you general! You have no idea!" Fives started to say, but he was interrupted, but a squadron of clones.

"Stand down trooper! Stand down! Down on your knees!" Fox screamed, rushing into the warehouse.

"No! NO! Stay back!" Fives yelled back, eyeing Rex's pistols resting on a box.

"Fives don't do it!" You begged, screaming at him.

"Get away from me!" Fives growled as loud as he could, grabbing Rex's pistol.

"Fives, no!" Rex yelled as you remembered you always kept a blaster on your belt. You instantly grabbed it and shot the ray shield that had you, Anakin and Rex held in. As soon as the shield fell, Fox took a shot a Fives, but you shoved Fives out of the way, taking the blast right into your side.

Fives dropped Rex's blaster and rushed to your side, you were still standing up, but gasping for air.

"(Y/N)!" Anakin yelled, helping Fives keep you up, but you fell to the ground anyway.

"Call a medic!" Rex commanded, "Get help!"

Fox quickly commed a medic to come, guilt flooding his mind. "General, I am so sorry," he started to say.

"Shut up!" Fives yelled at him. "(Y/N), my love, (Y/N)," Fives cried, stroking your face. Everyone in the room was taken back by Fives calling you "his love" but due to the circumstances, they didn't do much about it.

"Fives," you gasped.

"Yes?" Fives cried.

"You, you are the most driven guy I have ever met. You also also taught me what it mean to love and be loved. You changed my life Fives. I never said it enough, but I love you Fives. Thank you for being my lover for over a year now. You were the first thing on my mind when I woke up and last thing when I went to bed. You made me want to do better and Fives, I would do anything for you. My last wish is to have you not be wanted anymore. To have the Jedi talk to you, not kill you. Thank you Fives, thank you, I lov-" you faded out in his arms.

"(Y/N)! (Y/N) No! No! You killed her! You kriffing killed her!" Fives cried, putting your lifeless body close to his. "She was all I lived for!"

Anakin fell to the ground and stared at you, "She was going to be the most powerful Jedi Master, I knew it."

Rex put his head down, "I can't believe it."

"She's gone! I can't believe she's gone!" Fives began to choke, "I can't take it! I loved her. I loved her so much."

#fives x reader #clone x reader #captain rex x reader #ct7567329writes

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slytherinbarnes · 5 years ago

Text

Sub Rosa [3]

iii. earth kills

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x reader

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings: Language, violence, character death.

Summary: Bellamy takes a small group of hunters into the woods, and you catch someone trying to follow along. When you follow, you end up stuck with your least favorite person.

a/n: I’m dedicating this chapter to the two sweet anons that messaged me to tell me they were enjoying this series so far, thank you! also, hello new followers and readers, thank you for being here!!!

previous chapter // season masterlist // series masterlist

(flashbacks are italicized)

The sound of the TV floats through the thin walls of the Ark, into the room you share with Clarke. Outside the bedroom, in the living room, sits the rest of your family, Clarke’s best friend, and his father, the Chancellor.

In other words, make a sound, and you’re screwed.

You’re hidden in a closet, behind a false wall engineered by your father, in the play space you and Clarke used as kids. Now, it serves as your prison cell. Your parents rarely invite anyone over, and you don’t have to stay in the space during the day anymore, like you used to when you were younger. But occasionally, the Jaha family comes over for dinner or to watch sports games. Your parents say it’s unavoidable, and the best way to prevent any suspicion. So on the designated days, you crawl into the playspace and keep quiet, forever playing the role of the secret twin.

You’re going through Clarke’s schoolbooks, working on the same assignments she has to do. It’s something your parents always insisted on; you may not be able to see the Ark, and live like the others, but you were going to get the same education Clarke got, no matter what.

You glance up from your work when you hear the creak of the front door open, and strain to listen.

“What’d I miss?”

You can hear her move further into the room, her voice growing more faint as she nears the TV. The chancellor’s response barely reaches you in the confined space. “Your husband and daughter being obnoxious.”

Daughter. Singular.

You try to push down the rising pang in your chest, closing your eyes and breathing in deeply, ignoring the sounds of the group just outside the door. You feel your breathing start to calm just as your dad’s voice grows louder. “Just for a few minutes.”

“Everything okay?”

The door scrapes open, and his voice starts to fade as he leaves. “You know this old boat. It’s always something.”

You wake with a start, the memory fading from your mind as someone’s screams enter it.

“No! No!”

You sit up, and look down from the tree, eyes landing on a small girl sleeping at the base. You start to rise, preparing to climb down to wake her up, when Clarke steps into your line of vision, reaching for her. “Hey, wake up. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s just a dream.” The girl sits up and looks around, fear written all over her face. “You’re Charlotte, right? I’m Clarke. It’s okay to be scared. Do you want to talk about it?”

Clarke settles down next to Charlotte, as the girl quietly answers, “It’s…my parents. They were floated and they…and I see it in my dreams and I just…”

Clarke’s voice is soft when she answers, “I understand. My dad was floated, too.” You see her fingers brush against her wrist, touching the watch, and the bracelet she’s worn since you were kids. She takes a deep breath, “So, how did you end up here?”

“Well…we were taking my parents’ things to the redistribution center and…I kind of lost it. They said I assaulted a guard.”

“I can’t say I blame you.” She smiles and looks up, past your tree to the clear night sky. She points a bright light in the sky, larger than the stars around it. “See that bright star up there? That’s The Ark orbiting above us. I think whatever happened up there, you know, the pain,” she glances at her wrist, “the loss...maybe we can move past that now. Maybe being on the ground is our second chance.”

“Do you really believe that?”

She pulls Charlotte close, comforting her. “I’m trying to.”

As she settles against the base of the tree, you settle against the branches above her, following her eyes as they seek out the one place you called home before landing on Earth.

Jasper’s groaning affects everyone in camp.

Most of the delinquents keep their distance from the dropship, trying to get away from the sounds of his pain, each scream a stark reminder that anyone could be next. You are no exception, and spend most of your day wandering the camp and picking berries and people watching.

It’s midday when you decide to find Octavia, but she finds you first. “Have you seen my brother?”

You shake your head. “Not since last night. But when you see him, tell him he’s a dick.”

She plops down on the log beside you. “You too?”

“Yeah, we had a moment last night. Brought up some stuff I didn’t really want to relive.” You turn and give her a small smile, “What did he do to you?”

“You know Atom? The one he got to babysit me while you guys were gone?” You nod. “Well, we kissed.” Your mouth drops in shock, but you smile as she continues, “A few times actually. And things were going really good, until Bellamy went on a power trip, and now Atom won’t even look at me.”

“I’m sorry, Octavia.”

“It was the first time I really felt like a teenager. Or a person, really.”

You both sit in companionable silence, feeling the same things, before you bump her with your shoulder. “Was he a good kisser, at least?”

She laughs and elbows you, and you burst into laughter with her. As you both start to calm down, she whispers, “The best.” and it sends you both off again.

You’re both still quietly giggling when a scream rings out across camp. You and Octavia turn to each other with matching looks of alarm, and you mutter, “Jasper.”

His name pushes you both into action and you take off running towards the dropship. She makes it to the ladder first and you follow, and when your head breaches the second level, you see Octavia running towards Jasper, who’s passed out. Finn and Wells are holding his legs down, and Clarke is at his side, blade in hand. Octavia screams out, “Stop it! You’re killing him.”

You walk over to the group and kneel on the other side of Jasper, acoss from Clarke. Finn looks up at Octavia, “She’s trying to save his life.”

A voice immediately follows Finn’s, “She can’t.” Seconds later, Bellamy’s head pops through the hatch and he steps onto the second floor.

Wells stands from Jasper’s legs, and gets right in Bellamy’s face. “Back off.”

“We didn’t drag him through miles of woods just to let him die,” Clarke bites back, while checking his wounds.

“Kid’s a goner. If you can’t see that, you’re deluded. He’s making people crazy.”

“Sorry if Jasper’s an inconvenience to you, but this isn’t the Ark. Down here, every life matters.” You meet Clarke’s eyes, and offer a nod in agreement.

Bellamy’s voice is hard and angry, his glare leveled at the back of Clarke’s head. “Take a look at him. He’s a lost cause.”

You look up at Bellamy, “Why don’t you just go to hell? No one wants you here anyways.”

The room is silent, until Clarke turns to Octavia and whispers, “Octavia, I’ve spent my whole life watching my mother heal people. If I say there’s hope, there’s hope.”

Bellamy responds to Clarke, but his eyes never leave yours. “This isn’t about hope, it’s about guts. You don’t have the guts to make the hard choices. I do. He’s been like this for three days. If he’s not better by tomorrow, I’ll kill him myself.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

Bellamy ignores you and turns to leave, stopping only to look at his sister. “Octavia, let’s go.”

“I’m staying here.”

He says nothing, and turns back to the ladder, climbing down quickly. Monty watches him leave, glaring. “Power-hungry, self-serving jackass. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” He turns and looks at Octavia, “No offense.”

Finn looks around at the group. “Yeah. Bellamy is all that. But he also happens to be right.”

You all turn to glare at Finn, before Clarke looks at you. “Can you get me some clean water?”

“Sure, be right back.”

You climb down the ladder, dropping to the floor below, and head out of the dropship to the water supply. As you’re filling up the containers, you watch as Charlotte looks around before sneaking off, away from the camp. Curious, you put the water containers on the ground and follow her. You find her quickly, darting in and out of bushes, ducking behind trees, eyes trained on something up ahead. You jog ahead, light on your feet, reaching her in a few seconds. You touch her lightly on the shoulder, “Charlotte?” She nearly jumps out of her skin and turns to face you, looking scared. When she recognizes you as one of the 100, she calms. “What are you doing out here?”

“A hunting party just left. I wanted to go with them, but I knew they wouldn’t let me, so I decided to follow them.”

You nod, “Mind if I walk with you? I could use the air.”

She nods her head, and you both start walking again, following the path of the hunting party. You keep your eyes on the horizon, the faint outline of the group of boys just visible enough for you to follow them. “I heard about your parents.” You glance over at her, and sadness passes across her features. “I’m sorry. I know how hard it is.”

“You do?”

“Clarke’s my twin. Our dad got floated while I was locked up.”

She turns to study your features, “You’re the invisible twin?”

You cringe at the only name people ever seem to call you. “The very same.”

Up ahead, the hunting party stops, growing larger as you both move closer. “What’s it like?” You look down, a question in your eyes. “To have a sister, I mean. A twin.”

A smile graces your features as memories flash across your brain. “I have a built in best friend. Someone that truly understands me. Someone to tell all my secrets to, cry with, laugh with. We shared everything.” You glance over at her, “You know, sisters don’t always have to be related by blood.”

“They don’t?”

“Nope. Sometimes, you find people in your life that become your family, even though you aren’t related by blood. Sisters included.” You pause when you hear the loud sounds of a boar, and you grab Charlotte. “Stay close, there’s a boar nearby.”

She nods and you both creep forward slowly, the group of boys now within walking distance to you. Up ahead you see Bellamy inching closer to the boar, axe in hand. Charlotte must see it too, because she steps forward quickly, snapping a twig in the process. You see Bellamy turn, and instinctively you grab Charlotte and pull her behind you. Your eyes meet Bellamy’s, just as his axe lands in the tree inches from your head. He glares as he stalks towards you. “What the hell are you doing? I almost killed you.”

He steps forward and pries the axe from the tree, and you glare back as you answer him. “Charlotte wandered from camp and I followed her to make sure she was okay. She wanted to see you hunt.”

Charlotte steps from behind you, into Bellamy’s line of sight, and his gaze softens. “Okay then,” he reaches down and pulls out a knife, handing it to Charlotte. “But you can’t hunt without a weapon. Ever killed something before?”

Charlotte shakes her head and he smiles, “Who knows? Maybe you’re good at it.”

He turns and walks towards the rest of the group and you and Charlotte follow. As you near the fallen pig and the rest of the hunting party, a horn sounds through the forest. You turn and look around, confused. “What was that?”

“Grounders?” someone asks, and you step closer to Charlotte. Suddenly, a sound comes rumbling through the trees, preceded by a group of screaming teenagers. “It’s a poisonous cloud, run!”

You grab Charlotte’s hand and take off running, with Bellamy right beside you. You turn and look over your shoulder at the approaching fog, yellow and electric. You trip over something and stumble, losing Charlotte’s hand, and barely catching yourself from falling.

Bellamy turns back to you and Charlotte, “Come on! There are caves this way.”

You both follow Bellamy, frantic, and he turns and grabs Charlotte’s hand, pulling her in front of him. He reaches back and grabs yours, guiding you as he stumbles through the trees and over a small hill. He pulls you both around a corner and pushes Charlotte into the cave first, before pulling you in afterwards. As you make it through the doorway, Atom yells from somewhere outside. “Bellamy!”

Bellamy steps back into the fog, which makes him instantly cough, and you pull him back through the doorway. When he’s inside, you both look down at your joined hands, and you pull yours away angrily, before moving deeper inside the cave, as far away as you can get in the enclosed space.

Before long, night falls, and you stand from your spot. “I’ll take first watch, you two get some sleep.”

Bellamy nods and pulls off his jacket, draping it over an already sleeping Charlotte. You move to the front of the cave and look out into the night, keeping an eye for any sign of danger.

Bellamy isn’t asleep for long when Charlotte starts to cry out, tortured by another nightmare. You stand and move closer to wake her, but Bellamy wakes up and puts a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Charlotte, wake up.”

“I’m sorry.”

Bellamy’s voice is quiet when he asks, “Does it happen often?”

She says nothing, only letting out a sigh, and Bellamy nods. “What are you scared of?” She’s silent and he shakes his head, “You know what? It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you do about it.”

“But… I’m asleep.”

He smiles softly, “Fears are fears. Slay your demons when you’re awake, they won’t be there to get you when you sleep.”

“Yeah, but…How?”

“You can’t afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death, fear is death.” They stare at each other for a minute, before he gets an idea. “Let me see that knife I gave you.”

She pulls the knife out and passes it to him, and he holds it tightly. “Now, when you feel afraid, you hold tight to that knife and you say, ‘screw you. I’m not afraid.’”

He hands the knife back to her and she grips it in both hands, quietly repeating, “Screw you. I’m not afraid.”

He gives her an unimpressed look, and she repeats it with more confidence. “Screw you. I’m not afraid."

He smiles at her and pats her knee. “Slay your demons, kid. Then you’ll be able to sleep.”

He turns away, and his eyes meet yours. He stands and moves to the mouth of the cave, near you, as Charlotte rolls over and falls back asleep. You sit there in silence, stewing, before you spit, “It’s interesting to see you play nice, when you make a joke out of assault.”

His head whips towards you, face in shock, and he mutters, “Assault? What are you talking about?”

You roll your eyes before standing up. “I’m going to bed. Wake me up if something happens.”

Shumway steals your dreams. And you are full of relief when Bellamy shakes your shoulder the next morning, freeing you from the nightmare of memories stuck on repeat in your head. He ventures into the morning air first, unharmed, before turning to you and Charlotte. “It’s all clear.” He raises his voice and yells into the trees, “Anybody out here? Jones?”

Somewhere to the right, Jones' voice reaches you, “We’re here!”

You follow Bellamy through the forest, and soon, you are standing amongst the hunting party from the day before. Bellamy appraises the group, “Lost you in the stew. Where’d you go?”

“Made it to a cave down there. The hell was that?”

“I don’t know.” Bellamy looks over the three members. "Where's Atom?"

They all shrug, and Bellamy shifts into leadership mode. “Split up, we have to find him.”

Everyone branches off, searching for any sign of Atom. It’s not long before Charlotte screams out in fear, and you run closer to her, “What? What is it?”

She’s standing at the top of a hill and she points down at the base of it, where a body rests on the ground. You cover her eyes, and pull her into a hug, “Hey, don’t look.”

She cries into your jacket and Bellamy runs up a second later, watching Charlotte as she sobs in your arms. He looks up at you with a questioning gaze, and you tip your head towards Atom’s body. “Son of a bitch. Atom!”

He rushes towards Atom, and you step away from Charlotte. “I’m going to go help him, okay? Stay here, and don’t look.”

She nods and wipes away her tears, and you jog down the hill after Bellamy, who is now kneeling beside Atom. He looks over at you, unsure what to do. “Your mom’s a doctor, and Clarke…”

“I’m not her. I only know a few things that I picked up over the years, I wasn’t in training like her.”

You look down at Atom, and work hard to hide the fear in your eyes. His skin is bloody and covered in blisters, eyes cloudy, and his breath struggles as it leaves and enters his lungs. Atom turns towards Bellamy, begging, “Kill me. Kill me. Kill...me.”

Bellamy stands unsure what to do, and Charlotte steps down the hill and wanders closer. Eyes still locked on Atom, she reaches into her pocket and pulls out her knife, before sliding it into Bellamy’s grip.

His eyes lock on her in shock and she whispers, “Don’t be afraid.”

Regaining his composure, he turns to the others, “Go back to camp.” They follow his command and walk off, and Bellamy turns back to Charlotte. “Charlotte, you too.”

She turns and walks away, and Bellamy kneels back beside Atom again, watching him. “Kill...me. Bell...a...my... pl...ea..se.”

Bellamy holds the knife in his hand, over Atom’s body, watching in horror as he struggles to breathe, but unable to do anything about it. You watch as Bellamy lets out a shaky breath, and he looks over at you. You place a comforting hand on Atom’s chest, and he turns towards you. "Plea...se."

You look up at Bellamy and see his jaw clenching as he hears Atom’s pain. You take a shaky breath and smile down at him, “You’re going to be okay, Atom. You won’t be in any more pain.”

You start humming a song your dad always hummed to you when you didn’t feel well, ‘Clair de lune’. As you hum the familiar song, you reach towards Bellamy, and slide the knife from his grip, before pushing it into the side of Atom’s neck, killing him almost instantly. When you’re sure he’s no longer suffering, you stop humming, and look over at Bellamy, who’s watching you closely. “We should, um.” You wipe away a few tears, “We should get him back to camp. Do you have something we can carry him with?”

Bellamy nods, and pulls out a piece of parachute from his pack. “Okay, we need two thick branches, and we can make a stretcher.”

You both split off, each returning minutes later with a long branch. You tie the parachute between the branches, and place the stretcher beside Atom’s body. Then you each take a side and carefully lift him and place him into the parachute, before you take off your jacket and use it to cover his face. When you’re finished, Bellamy turns to you, “I’ll take the lead.”

You agree before you each lift one end, and make the trip back to the campsite in mutual silence, both of you still in shock. When you arrive back to camp, Wells is the first to meet you. “I’ll get started on the grave.”

Bellamy nods and you both lower Atom’s body to the ground carefully. Octavia comes running from the dropship, eyes locked on Bellamy, “It’s about time. Where have you been?”

You step forward and grab her arm to try to stop her from getting any closer, “C’mon, you can update me on Jasper.”

She pulls her arm free and gives you a weird look before making a beeline for Bellamy. “Octavia, just stay there. Please, stay back.”

He grabs her and tries to stop her, but she pulls her wrist free. “Bell, stop.” She sees the stretcher on the ground behind him and walks towards it, kneeling down to get a closer look. She pulls your jacket down, revealing Atom’s face, and her breath comes out in a shaky gasp. “Atom.”

Bellamy looks at her, the hurt obvious in his eyes, “There’s nothing I could do.”

She holds up a hand to silence him, “Don’t.” She starts to cry before covering his face again, and running off.

You stand to the side, watching, and when you meet his eyes, you seem to sense the question in them. Nodding once, you run after Octavia, preparing to comfort her.

You find her sitting in a small clearing, sobbing quietly. She turns when she hears your footsteps, and you offer her a sad smile. “Can I join you?”

She says nothing, only nods, before wiping away her tears. You sit beside her, and reach for her hand. “I’m sorry about Atom.”

She inhales a shaky breath, “I guess we’re gonna have to get used to people dying down here, aren’t we?”

You give her hand a light squeeze, and whisper, “Probably. But that doesn’t stop the hurt you’re feeling right now.”

She rests her head on your shoulder, and you both sit in silence for a long time, lost in your own worlds.

next chapter

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