#anyway. everything sucks nobody cares but that's my own choice

[icedille]

having feelings and emotions is hell idk who thought this was a good idea I WANT A LOBOTOMY!!!!!!!

[whetstonefires]

Fanfic meme: questions 1 & 11, for a fic of your choice.

Oh no vikings, it's so much harder when I have to pick which one! 😭 What if I praise myself for a fic nobody likes or something?

I'll roll dice. I will...okay online rng rolled a 165 sided 'die' and came up 69. Which is not at all a sexy fic I regret(?) to tell you. 69 fics back is and amber is ageless, the Earth-3 Ultraman pov fic where he adopts a kitten.

1: What inspired you to write the fic this way?

Hah! Well, for one thing, my actual kitten that I found in a bush. Provided me with a lot of detailed inspiration about the minutiae of taking in and settling down a diseased little feline who'd been through the wringer, made that part basically effortless. I'd already decided Ultraman kept a cat in the Fortress, because he is so isolated and despite it all he's a version of Clark Kent and doesn't like too much alone, but drawing on recent personal experience made that part fun and easy to write.

The other 'this way' is 'from Kal's pov with only a dim self-awareness wrt how much he sucks' and that's harder to pin down. Lotta factors.

It's the second Ultraman pov fic I did, but the first one was only a little for the sake of his perspective and mostly to get outside pov on a Jokester & Alex Luthor interaction and showcase the hammer I'd lifted from the Countdown to Final Crisis earth-3 Jokester design. And I'd done his backstory as Lois breaking down her research for Alex. Because this setting is deliberately structured to focus on its own heroes, since canon mirrorverses get hung up on the evil version of their protagonists.

So part of it was I wanted a place to really dig into what makes him tick. The way Ultraman is a product of his upbringing in the opposite direction from Superman, but also the alignment flip I gave the world left him predisposed to dickishness in a way Superman is predisposed toward being considerate. Superman is always choosing to be good, largely as a result of the person the Kents raised him to be and the bedrock emotional security associated with that self-identity.

Ultraman is the opposite and I wanted to really get on the page how much insecurity in all senses plays into that.

Because I'd done Owlman and he is extremely uh. Strange person. Weird priorities. Possibly compelled by a variety of monomanias he believes to be purely rational. Sincerely convinced of his own supremacy, although also just vulnerable enough to doubt on this subject that his need to validate his own ego is still an exploitable weakness, in the way of supervillains.

(Superwoman can be baited this way only by the prospect of losing a head-to-head physical fight, but is much more easily distracted than Owlman because she cares about enjoying herself more than increasing or showing off her naturally enormous power.)

And the thing with Kal is that he's not. Not really strange. Does not really qualify for any kind of personality disorder. Psychologically he's mostly a pretty standard product of trauma and bad life decisions, the kind of guy who resents everything because he's so unhappy but can't conceive of a way to change his life to make him happier beyond hollow external models of 'success' like getting the girl. Who just so happens to have godlike power.

Of course it's not just so happens, because he was tough and strong from early childhood and accidentally killed his parents in a fairly normal grade-school tantrum, ruining his own life.

Which like. Definitely inspired by the old superbaby comics where Jonathan Kent is constantly stressing about the baby giving away his secret identity and it's like. Your life is in danger this toddler does not know how to not kill you.

Anyway he came up through the Kansas foster system having a bad time, and not having a much worse one only because of powers he kind of hated and felt freakish for because again he accidentally killed his own parents and only got away with it because no one knew he had super strength so lying about a 'big monster' smooshing his parents with the dining room table was more plausible. A huge part of his personality is based around the inadequate coping mechanisms he developed to cope with this formative trauma.

The idea that he was a Superior Existence (who was alone in the universe for reasons that were not his fault) was delivered to him when he went back to the old farmhouse, recovered the Jor-el materials, found out he was an alien, and set up the Fortress, and for him supervillainy is very much compensating for his underlying lack of self-worth and repressed guilt and vague sense of dysphoria, because when you feel like A Very Normal Guy who is also A Freak that's what happens. I think finding out he was an alien helped a lot with hating his own body, his body which was also himself and his chief asset considering he's an orphan who got a shit education.

Kal is both the one of the Big Three villains in this setting who is the most normal and whose behavior can be most accurately attributed to 'mental illness' as such, which I think is a neat dichotomy.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

I think I might have already covered this, whoops! Lmao it's definitely the effect I got where Kal is Just Some Guy who like, feels entitled to the girl he likes and thinks shitty misogynistic things when resenting other people's happiness. And whose gruesome fantasies of violence in reaction to minor inconveniences hit the beats of the average person's sense of aggravation but are backed by the fact that he really could put his hand through someone's face on a whim and has been known to do so.

But who also just. Is capable of being charmed by the attitude of a stray cat and wearing a leather glove to protect it from his skin when it keeps biting.

I think the technical element I'm most satisfied with is how I linked his reaction to Matchbox's defiance with his complicated Thing for Lois. I feel like I built up to it and showed it happening in a natural way, rather than just being like 'the kitten reminded him of Lois Lane.'

[lunar-years]

Curious on your thoughts about Taylor and the Mahomes if you care to share?

well. I certainly find it pretty deplorable to be a Trump supporter! not knowing one single other thing about Brittany Mahomes I strongly dislike her for using whatever platform she has to endorse that man, and I would never choose to be friends with her.

of course I wish Taylor would not closely align herself with Trump supporters. in an ideal world she would not be all bestie-bestie with shitty people. It unfortunately does not surprise me that she takes a "I can be friends with people who do not share my beliefs nor align with all of my values" approach.

It's wild to me that fans try to justify this with a "well we need to be able to have a dialogue with people who disagree with us or else how will we be able to educate them to change their minds!" type of discourse because whilst I do believe this is true, I can also acknowledge that there is an extremely slim chance Taylor is inviting Brittany over to her multi-million dollar mansion for a party and pulling her aside to discuss u.s. politics...like. if we're being honest with ourselves, this group of people are quite likely not spending their time together debating politics at all. they get to be neutral regarding one another's beliefs and "respect different opinions" because they are all coming from a place of incredible privilege where political outcomes rarely effect them or their lifestyles on a grand scale.

As swifties we obviously care most about Taylor and thus frame everything around her, but I find it sort of interesting that no one seems to be holding the same kind of "hold them accountable by association" mentality for Travis or Patrick Mahomes. I do not follow any of these people but there are certainly fans who are all affectionate about travis and patrick's friendship and cheering on patrick at the same time they're (rightfully) slamming his wife on their social media fan pages.. Not to go out on a limb but um... I'm gonna guess there is a non-zero chance patrick and brittany are politically aligned! But nobody much seems to care about that, it's just brittany [and Taylor by extension] they have a problem with? And actually I've seen a lot of weird twisted justifications about why travis and patrick should "clearly" be allowed to continue to be friends but taylor needs to cut brittany entirely out of her life or else she's cancelled. ...just interesting!

it sucks that the more we talk about brittany the more we keep her at the forefront and give her and her terrible beliefs extended visibility and exposure. It equally sucks that trump has latched on to her support and is promoting it with the obvious and barely masked motive of claiming Taylor's support by extension. it sucks that Taylor is being used as a pawn in that way. I certainly wish she would make the choice to stop hanging on with brittany and be more politically outspoken to combat this tactic, but I'm also realistic that she's probably not going to. At the end of the day, I still like her anyway.

Taylor has previously befriended and interacted with people I find equally unsavory. obviously matty is exhibit A. she's also longstanding friends with L*na D*nham, which I continue to find questionable! This sort of discourse has been going on for a decade in the fandom and as a result I've made the personal choice to be here at the end of the day for Taylor alone and not her friends. I basically pay no attention to any of them unless I have an interest in them independently of her, which would be very very few of them. I do however understand and respect if other people feel differently on matter.

going off of that, everyone's got to have their own hard line. my personal hard line would be if Taylor herself ever started endorsing Trump or republican & MAGA values. However, at the moment I still feel I know enough about to her and the values she has repeatedly upheld over the years to conclude that Trump's values are not her own.

this is a very long, not articulate mind dump to basically say: I don't like that she's friends with brittany/the mahomes. i wish she wouldn't be. yes it's a bad look for her. but i am still going to remain a Taylor Swift fan.

[optiwashere]

Opti, you said you were in fandom for a long time right?

What would you do if a show you're really into gets another season out of nowhere that you're excited to see but the fandom you were a part of actually was the worst (okay to be honest it wasnt the worste but the amount of disparity i see between content for the white characters and the non white characters makes me superimpose) and you're afraid of it reviving again?

Also tbh the shows not that good either it just gripped me in the special interest and now I can't let go

How to fix?

Heya anon!

First of all, I'm sorry that the fandom for this show was like that. There's definitely decades of history of fandoms hyperfocusing on white characters over all else, white men specifically, if there are even any non-white characters in the first place. That's awful, and I'm sorry you gotta deal with that.

Usually, my suggestion for that is to create that content you want to see. But I get that it's immensely frustrating when you have to do that because people are ignoring entire chunks of the original work. I also get if it's not something you've got the skills for. Fuck knows I can't draw for shit, so any visual art I would want out there can't come from me.

So as a general rule of thumb I always suggest the self-preservation method of fandom if you can! If you can carve out a niche of fandom that you can vibe with, not even necessarily agree with 100% of all topics on, then fandoms like that become infinitely more enjoyable.

I had to do that with all of my previous fandoms and I still do that with BG3. I curate everything I see really heavily by blocking anyone that worsens my experience on Tumblr/AO3/insert fandom hub of choice, blacklisting tags on those sites that would make my experience worse, and exercising some willpower in not trawling the general fandom tags*

Worsening my experience can mean anything from stressing me out about the type of posts they make or simply making me roll my eyes one too many times. I promise you they won't notice nor will they care. At least nobody I've blocked has ever cared because the feelings are typically mutual lol. Anyways, I strongly recommend getting well-acquainted with the block button.

So if you really want to enjoy this new season, watch it with people you like talking to if you can. Send anons to the people with the opinions you at least enjoy reading about (not necessarily agree with BTW) to stoke their hype and create that lovely feedback loop of fandom joy.

When you're in a fandom that you either don't enjoy or find yourself disagreeing with on major topics, you kinda have to curate it for yourself. I know it sucks to feel disconnected from the fandom sometimes. I'm a weirdly social creature with fandoms, so I really get that feeling of being completely and utterly disconnected from the greater whole (i.e., vampire man)

I can only suggest the above options for keeping yourself somewhat sane while also having fun!

Hope that helps 💜

*I fail at this too often for my own good tbh

[welcometotheravenclawcommonroom]

To top it off- and I know it’s not the first time someone’s said this, not by a long shot- but just dealing with the everyday hassles of living in a world that’s not designed for you and makes no accommodations- not even the ones that would be easy!!!- is it’s own form of violence.

Every insidious policy- can’t save money if you’re on disability, can’t get married if you’re on disability- is another way of saying “we don’t want you here!” As a disabled professor of mine once put it, “they want us to live quietly and die quickly”. Every time they raise the price of insulin, and our protests do nothing, they’ve legally killed more people, because that’s what’s going to happen. State-sanctioned murder.

And on top of everything else- on top of the exhaustion of living in a world that’s not designed for us, even when those accommodations would be easy and simple- we’re supposed to advocate for ourselves and just. keep. telling. abled. people. the. same. goddamn. shit.

The burden of communication falls to us- “just tell me what you need!” Even though we’ve been telling you what we’ve needed for years and you’re not listening!!!

It’s fucking exhausting. We’ve been carrying the burden of communication on top of the exhaustion of living in a world that wasn’t designed for our needs for our whole damn lives, and then somehow it’s our fault that we don’t get the basic human decency we’re owed because you weren’t listening as we screamed it in any way we knew how and tried to tell you in language you understood, even when it wasn’t language that was easy or natural for us.

Self-advocacy is great and important, but it’s also a burden sometimes, even more so when sometimes just existing in a world that is actively working against you is an exhaustion too great to put words to. Especially when nobody listens to you anyway.

Being white knighted sucks, but sometimes abled people only listen to other abled people, so what are we supposed to do?! American Sign Language wasn’t even recognized as a language until a hearing linguist came along and said “hey guys, this has all the characteristics of a language!” Mind you, he had extensive help from two Deaf researchers, one of them an indigenous Hawaiian woman (I have forgotten all three names and googling them is hard atm since I’m on the move, but google is right there for you!).

My mother didn’t listen to anything I (autistic) tried to tell her in any way I knew about my communication style until my (presumably?) abled therapist called my mother to give her a “come to Jesus” type talk after I had the worst panic attack of my life in my therapist’s office. I still don’t know what that conversation entailed, but suddenly I was being at least somewhat listened to.

Abled people- listen to us. Fight for us. Take our tired voices and amplify exactly what we say. Take the burden of communication at least somewhat off our shoulders and do the work to meet us in the middle, because we’ve been doing the work to meet you at your end for years because we’ve had no other choice.

The disabled community is huge and multifaceted and has many different feelings about our various disabilities. For some of us, our disabilities aren’t even disabilities in our eyes, rather, we’re being actively disabled by the way the rest of the world treats us, and the road blocks they both knowingly and unknowingly place in our paths.

For other people, their conditions are genuinely painful and terrible and would still make life very difficult even in the best of circumstances- which they do not have- and it is the responsibility of the rest of us, as decent human beings, to do everything we can to create a world that is more livable for them. Because at the end of the day, humans do have a responsibility to each other. I don’t care what dystopian, Ann Rynd-ian mindset tells you otherwise, because you’re wrong. Humans make our most meaningful change and our greatest impact when we are working for each other.

So abled people- it is your ethical responsibility to listen to us and help us make a society where we are working for each other.

fyi things like insulin, hearing aids, wheelchairs, glasses costing money at all is a form of structural ableism

[shrimpalt8]

[● It's so hard to be me. I still have to heal but I can't because nothing will let me. Everyday is a new wave of pain, and I just have to hold onto the little things I have, but even they hurt. It's nice to be with people I care about, but it's also stressful. Only some of them know the real me, but everyone else doesn't. I wear a mask and act cool so they don't see how much I struggle to keep myself together every single day. I am scared to death of everything, and regret every single choice I make to avoid those things. I'm scared of losing friendships I have because I suck at keeping them. I can't hold onto anything I have ever. It's hell to keep on doing this every day with no real breaks from the struggle. I fight so many battles all at once and I know I'm gonna fail them, but I try again anyways. I hate that too.

I hate that I suffer from so much trauma and that nobody cares about it. I hate that I know everyone will leave me eventually because I'm too broken to love. I'm too irreparable and I'm just holding together the pieces of myself that haven't turned to dust yet. I wear so many different masks every day and try to fool myself so I can stop hurting but I never fall for my own tricks. I know too well that it's all a lie. I sometimes wish people saw me, and sometimes I'm glad they don't. Words can't heal me if they mean nothing to me. I can listen to anyone say "it's going to be okay" but I can't just hear someone say "I'm sorry I abused you growing up"

I will never heal because I am stuck with the people who hurt me and I have become too attached to them to let them go, because I care about them for some fucking reason even though they are both monsters. I hope that we all die one day except for the only one of us who has a goddamn glimmer of hope left in him. People can say anything they want, but they won't actually understand. You won't ever understand and nothing you say will ever make it okay. You don't know the kind of shit I went through.

I'm always reminded of how small I am. I play it off as a joke because I don't want to make people feel uncomfortable by telling them how I feel about that, but I have always felt small and like I will never be more than I seem. I want to be tall and stand higher than I usually would. I want to pretend I am more than I am right now, because I know this is all I will ever be because I don't want to fix myself. I am not allowed to fix myself and I am not allowed to move on because nothing has repaired me. Nothing will fix me. Nothing wants to fix me. I can't fix myself because I don't know how and every single attempt I've made has broken me and sometimes others. I want to be sorry but can't. I can say sorry as many times as I think will help but I don't feel sorry. Why should I be? Not everything has to be my fault.

I am too afraid of everything, so much so to the point I'm afraid of showing that because how dare I show signs of inferiority. I'll burn as bright as I need to be until I can burn bright enough for anyone else to see me as something more. Doesn't matter if I'm a villain to someone or a delight to others. I want to stop being small to everyone. It means so much when others tell me things I should have heard when I was young.

They ruined me. They continue to ruin me. I will never escape them. I will live in their shadows until I die. No wonder they care so heavily for the people who hurt me and despise the people who care the most about me. I talk about going to hell but I already live in it. It's always a gamble being in this household. They will find a way to get mad at you. I am a fucking wreck and I will never heal. It never gets better. The doctor knows it's a lost cause but he sticks needles into it anyways in hopes that we'll be okay. The great one laughs and tries to find ways to pull us forward instead of throwing us back into the abyss where we suffer and die.]

[rosewaterbaptism]

since i have tried reading a graphic novel that is not persepolis, my life has never known peace. snakes started manifesting in my house physically 

[elysianslove]

oblivion; fushiguro megumi & itadori yuuji

requested by anon; ❝ OMG HIII! I love love love your fics🤧🤧 I read about the poly and sub yuuji thing, AND i thought, what if they teased him to no end the night before thinking it was a day off, but then an emergency mission happened and he went there. Imagine him trying to fight off curses while having a limp and being sore all over jssjsjjsjsjsjsjs IDK BUT I THOUGH OF THIS HAHAHA ANYWAY DRINK LOTS OF WATER, SLEEP, AND TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF MWAH😚💕💕 ❞

pairings; fushiguro megumi x fem!reader x itadori yuuji

genre; smut, a little humor ig? 

warnings; oh lord — light bdsm, mentioned use of sex toys, nipple play, pleasure from pain, overstimulation, vaginal fingering, vaginal penetration, anal penetration, handjobs, oral (male!receiving), use of traffic light system, dirty talk, humiliation, praise, dumbification, i hope i didn’t miss anything!

note; thank you so much for your words that’s so kind of you!! and i hope you’re taking care of yourself too, and that you enjoy this!!! <333 i’m really sorry with how late this was though oh my god :(  <b>yuuji and megumi are both aged up here, and there is full consent to all the plays! smut is under the cut! 

not this being over 4.5k words 😃✋🏼

━━  he’s a burning presence beneath you. yuuji’s alive as ever as your straddle him, his heart racing and chest heaving as he sloppily kisses you, mouth wide and languidly pushing against yours. drool and spit spills from between your connected lips while you lightly cup his jaw, and when you pull back, a single line of spit connects you two. 

grinning down at him, your fingers trail featherlight across his cheek. “so gorgeous for me, yu,” you coo, and he sighs dreamily, eyes half lidded. 

he’s not just trapped beneath you, he’s completely bound. there’s a collar around his throat, with multiple hooks in it, the one at the bottom of his nape linked with a chain to the bed’s headboard. similarly, his hands are handcuffed behind him, chained tightly to the headboard and restricting his movements entirely. but it’s not like he’d try to move. when he’s like this, he’s so obedient.

 “already going under?”

it’s not you that speaks this time, but yuuji’s gaze remains on yours as if it were, eyes fluttering and head tilting to lean into your touch as you cup his cheek, almost like a puppy. next to you, the bed dips, and your other boyfriend leans closer. you shift a little to reveal yuuji to him, angling your face to gauge his reaction. 

megumi smiles, sweetly.

sighing lovingly, he reaches up to brush at yuuji’s hair. “you look so pretty,” he praises, and again, yuuji relaxes at the words. 

“see?” you affirm. “told ya.” 

you poke his nose lightly, and the pink haired boy hums a chuckle sinking deeper into the mattress. you hum appreciatively, settling more comfortably in his lap, rocking your hips. you feel him shiver beneath you, and the bulge of his cock nudges at your clothed cunt. at the first feel of his cock hardening, you smile teasingly, hips sinking harsher against his as you tilt your head to glance at megumi. 

“he’s so eager,” you tell him, touch ghosting along yuuji’s shoulders, to his collarbones, to his chest, nails lightly grazing his nipples before dipping down to his abs. 

as you do so, megumi’s hand leaves yuuji’s hair and rises to cup your chin, gripping it lightly as he draws you closer. “is he now?” he wonders, but it’s more rhetorical than anything, and soon enough his mouth finds yours. 

your lips are still wet and swollen from kissing yuuji, and megumi pulls back for a second, licking his lips before diving back to kiss you again. kissing megumi is so much more different than kissing yuuji. yuuji’s so much more enthusiastic, over-energetic, overwhelmingly passionate, even if you’re the one in control — maybe even especially. you’re the one leading the two of you, you’re the one kissing him. with megumi, it’s the complete opposite. he’s softer, gentler, but more dominant, and even when he’s the one beneath you, even if you’re completely in control, he’ll still hold the reigns, because kissing megumi overdoses your brain with dopamine. it floods and overflows and has you sighing and leaning into him. 

with a satisfied moan, megumi pulls back, pleased with the way you lean forward as if not having expected it. body flushed from kissing both of your boys, you turn back to yuuji, finding his mouth gaping and eyes wide and pleading. and when you settle deep on his lap again, you find he’s fully hard. it livens you up considerably. 

“please,” yuuji whispers, his biceps flexing as he resists pulling from the bindings. 

focused on yuuji, you don’t notice megumi slipping from next to you, to behind you. lifting a hand to his mouth, you thumb at yuuji’s lips, brushing across them, pleased with how wet they still are from your mixed spit. “please, what, gorgeous?”

yuuji shuts his mouth, whines behind tight lips, before he tosses his head back, sighing, “please fuck me.” 

you hum a giggle, lifting up your hips before lowering them again, grinding across his lap, your cunt soaking through your panties, dampening his boxers. he’s already doing enough of that with the precum he’s leaking, though. as you continue to tease him, megumi’s hands find your waist, before they trail up your back, finding the hook of your bra. 

all the while, you don’t stop grinding down on yuuji, and he can’t stop mewling and whining. his chest heaves as he gasps, unable to stop his hips from instinctively rutting and thrusting up, trying to increase the friction, trying to speed up your movements, trying to break through the barrier between you in any way. 

yuuji’s obedient, of course, but sometimes, he’s a little too eager for his own good. 

a hand settling on his hip, right by the hem of his boxers, you tut, slowing down your movements till it feels like you’re not moving at all. “you know better than that,” you scold. “don’t you, gorgeous?” 

he huffs, whines, forcing his hips back down on the bed as megumi slips the straps of your bra off your shoulders slowly, sensually. you let it fall on your lap, on yuuji’s lap, before you toss it carelessly aside, welcoming megumi’s lips along your shoulder and on your neck. 

“you know,” you start, “i don’t think i’ll fuck you.” you almost laugh at the way his eyes widen up at you. 

in between kisses, megumi sighs teasingly. “you’re so mean,” he sarcastically says, kissing at your jaw as his arms circle you, hands caressing all over body. at his ministrations, you lean back into him, letting him feel you up: he squeezes at your breasts, tugs at your nipples, nips with his teeth at your neck, until his hands finally dip lower. 

you’re a little breathless as you respond, grinning devilishly at yuuji as megumi’s fingers finally slip past your underwear. “he likes me mean.” 

when megumi’s fingers find your dripping cunt, yuuji moans with you. he can barely feel the brush of the darker haired boy’s fingers through your panties and his boxers, because he’s so hyperaware of everything that he really has no choice to notice it. and you know this, you can tell. of course you can — there’s nobody that knows him better than you.

your hips rise as megumi’s fingers circle your clit, before dipping between your folds to soak his fingers with your slick, brushing against your entrance, before trailing back up to your clit. beneath you, yuuji trembles with his attempt to stay still and unmoving, eyes wide and pupils blown as he watches megumi pleasure you, all while on his lap. megumi’s fingers tease and rub, until finally, when you whine softly and lift your hips to meet his hands, he dips them inside of you, eased by how soaked you are. 

“she feels so good,” megumi gasps, lips hovering by your neck as he gazes at yuuji through half lidded eyes. “she’s tight too. bet she’d feel so good around a cock, hm?” 

yuuji’s breath hitches at megumi’s words, and he shuts his eyes tightly, head bowing in as he tries to steady and ground himself. you feel his cock twitch helplessly beneath you, and your moans dissolve into a small sigh, feeling as megumi speeds up his fingers slightly and curls them within you. 

behind you, he tuts disapprovingly, catching yuuji’s attention. “watch,” he simply commands, and it’s so adorable how yuuji listens so well, so easily, so quickly. his eyes burn into your figure, tracing your curves, the arch of your back, the way your nipples stand hard and perky, megumi’s fingers disappearing inside of you. he seems to decide to focus on that, watching with wide eyes as megumi fucks you with his fingers, sloppy and messy as your hips rise and fall and grind. mouth drying, yuuji shuts momentarily, gulping and licking his lips, while megumi’s thumb settles on your clit. 

“hngh, fuck,” you gasp, hand lowering to grasp at megumi’s wrist. he sighs against you, his breath hot on your skin, the room growing warmer and warmer by the second as he brings you closer and closer to the edge. “gonna cum, ugh, fuck.” 

by now, your moans are so shamelessly loud, music to yuuji’s ears. he’s panting with you, mesmerized by the way you react to megumi fingering you. with the latter focused on you, and you lost to your near orgasmic bliss, he manages to roll his hips slightly, upwards, barely brushing against your dripping cunt and megumi’s fingers. 

“yes, yes, cum,” megumi whispers, teeth sinking into your skin, lips sucking hotly. “make a mess of yuuji, leave him filthy and drenched in your cum.” 

yuuji chokes at his words, his thighs tensing as he fists his hands tightly. he rocks his hips up faster, desperate for any type of friction, any sort of stimulation. and he realizes then and there that he’s thankful you hadn’t stripped him bare yet, because this would be a lot worse if he didn’t have his tight boxers pressing around his dick right now.

 you’re breathlessly gasping, megumi’s thumb rubbing harshly and quickly on your clit. “fuck, fuck, fuck,” you chant, mouth falling open as your body seizes up, and finally, finally, you tip over the edge, legs shaking and spasming on either side of yuuji as you fall forward, head resting on yuuji’s shoulders. megumi’s fingers are still curled inside of you, thumb pressing against your clit, but when he pulls away, you don’t whine from the loss, you simply sigh, grinding down on yuuji. 

his boxers are now completely soaked, sticky with your cum and—

“oh my god, you came,” you gasp, chest still heaving a little, and looking between you and yuuji, staring down at his lap. your fingers reach for the hem of his boxers, pulling and peeling it off, peering inside. “you really came.” you sound a little shocked, amused, but worse of all, as if you were trying to humiliate him. it only makes his cock twitch. past the clothing barrier you see it: his cock is messy, covered in and smeared with cum, the tip pink and wet. and still, after an orgasm, it’s still fat and hard and veiny, desperate and dripping. it makes you laugh as you begin to slide off his lap, his whine so pretty, and as you take his boxers with you. he obediently lifts at his hips to allow you to pull them away, and his cock springs up, slapping against his stomach. this is your favorite part when it’s yuuji’s turn to be played with— he’s always got so much in him, so much to give. 

you giggle again as you lower yourself onto your stomach, leaning on your elbows, coming face to face with his cock. 

“’m sorry,” yuuji stutters, shuddering as he feels your fingers accidentally brush against his inner thigh. 

“s’okay!” you reassure him. “was planning on getting you to cum for me anyways. it’s fine if you got an early start.” he sighs, in relief, and then intakes a sharp breath as you shuffle closer to him. instinctively, his legs spread for you, and, now close enough, you nudge at his dick with the tip of your nose, humming out another giggle. “besides, s’not like we got anything to do for tomorrow. right, ‘gumi?” 

the glint in megumi’s eye when yuuji looks up is too mischievous for his own liking, but he’s too far gone to even think straight, just nodding dumbly when megumi confirms, “yeah, baby.”

“please,” yuuji mewls out again, vaguely, and megumi sighs, leaning forward to ruffle at yuuji’s hair. you watch the interaction with endearment. 

“gotta use your big boy words, yu,” he reminds him, tone stern. 

your boyfriend nods, as if there really is no other thought that getting fucked stupid in his brain, and adds, “please, i wanna feel good. only you—” his gaze falls to you, “—only you—” he’s heaving at his inability to manage out any words, and it’s so cute, you pull yourself closer to him, almost out of pity. you lift yourself up, one arm now resting on his thigh, the other hand reaching out to grasp at his dick. 

at the first feel of your hand wrapped around him, yuuji gasps, legs bending at the knees in shock. your strokes start slow, careful, languid, and it eases him, allows him to settle and calm down. the shackles behind him are loud as they clash as he tenses, using all his self control and will not to buck up into you. 

“yuuji,” megumi calls out for him. yuuji’s in a daze, and he blinks, megumi’s voice sounding too far away despite being right by him. it almost feels as if he’s sinking underwater. your hand around him tightens, and you lean forward, lips wrapping around the tip of his cock, and he shivers, whining. “yuuji,” megumi repeats, more sternly. his head falls back and lolls to the side, meeting megumi’s eyes. “color?”

it comes all too quick for him. “green,” he says, surely. “green, green, ugh, fuck— don’t stop, m’green.” 

you release him from your mouth, kitten licking at the slit as you laugh. “i don’t plan on stopping. not for a long while,” you tell him, as a warning, drawling out the long. he doesn’t seem to hear it. oh well. 

wrapping your lips around the head again, you suck, your hand otherwise stimulating the rest of his cock. he’s needed no lube nor no spit, already wet from his smeared cum. you can taste it on your tongue as your jaw stretches to take more of him, and the feel of him, heavy on your tongue, stretching your lips wide, your mouth stuffed with more and more of him, feels just too good that you can’t help the loud moan that tumbles out, vibrating along his dick. 

he cries out a broken yell, his hips unintentionally bucking up. it’s okay though, you want him to. it’s all part of what you want to reduce him to. 

as his cock is finally fully in your mouth, you finally feel it. the nudge of megumi’s cock against your cunt. you can feel him rubbing it along your pussy lips, smearing and mixing his precum with your arousal. god, if you’d only discovered just how messy megumi likes it earlier on. in response to him, you moan again around yuuji’s dick, legs spreading for megumi. 

“good girl,” you hear him whisper, and it almost feels like you’re in yuuji’s place. one of megumi’s hands reaches out to grope your ass, spreading you even more for him, the other guiding him inside of you. it’s incomparable to his fingers. although yuuji’s cock is much thicker, megumi’s is long and pretty, and you know this, you can feel it with how he sinks deeper, and deeper, and deeper inside of you. it feels unbelievably good to be stuffed with two cocks from either end, especially when megumi starts to move. 

he thrusts slowly, pulling out leisurely, allowing you to feel every ridge and vein along his cock as he shifts until barely the tip rests in your pussy, before pushing the head in, filling you up all over again. both his hands now rest on your ass, spreading you and kneading, massaging, at the flesh. while he fucks you, you slurp and suck on yuuji’s cock, cheeks hollowing out and hand messy and wet. above you, yuuji’s completely losing all inhibitions. he tries to fall forward, to curve and lean into you, to stuff your throat with more of his cock, but he restraints stop him. the collar tightens on his airway when he leans too forward, his arms straining and muscles aching, bulging and tensing. 

you hum appreciatively as megumi’s thrusts speed up, one of your hands reaching out to fondle and squeeze at yuuji’s heavy, tight balls while you deepthroat him. 

“hah, haah, fu— mhm— fuck.” yuuji’s a mess as you draw him closer and closer to his orgasm, all too quickly for his liking. it feels like you’re rushing it, but he can’t exactly complain, not when it feels this good. his abs tense and roll as he arches his back, throwing his head back and crying out, eyes squeezing shut. he gasps and cries and borderline sobs, legs bending at the knees again as you swallow around him and suck harshly. 

all this, combined with the rocking of your body, the creaking of the bed as megumi fucks you, and your small, tiny gasps and moans that you manage to let out with your face stuffed, quickly send him over, and he sucks in a breath sharply, his cock twitching and bobbing in your mouth as he spills down your throat. you accept it all gratefully, swallowing and trying not to gag and cough up his cum as he spills and spills and spills. god, he still has so much to give? it’s amazing. 

when you pull off of him, your head falls forward, your body now more freely rocking with the force of megumi’s thrusts. yuuji watches in fear as his cock, messy with your spit and wet, leftover cum, twitches against his at the sight of you. he’s gonna get hard again, he’s sure. it’s embarrassing, how easily aroused he is because of you. you’re gasping and panting as megumi fucks into you, his thrusts now sloppier and less practiced. he’s close, yuuji’s sure. of course he is. who could ever hold back and last long when in a cunt as tight, as warm, as wet and inviting as yours? 

“fuck, i’m so close— hngh,“ megumi gasps, moaning as he feels your cunt clench around him. “i’m gonna cum— y’feel so good,” he slurs, arms shaking as he tightens his hold on your ass, squeezing roughly. 

your arms’ strength falter and you fall, face pushed down on the mattress between yuuji’s legs. “inside,” you manage to mumble, voice muffled by the bed.

the shackles clang as yuuji struggles again. you look so good, laid out like this and pressed flat onto the mattress as megumi pushes into you once, twice, before he grunts sharply, stilling and pushing as deep as he can, arms trembling as he cums inside of you. you feel it as it fills you up, shooting inside of you, his cock pulsating against your walls. it’s a dizzying feeling, when he moves ever so slowly, fucking himself through his orgasm, the cum trickling and oozing out when the head of his cock falls out of your cunt. 

megumi grabs at it, gripping his cock tightly, as he fucks his cum back into you, and yuuji says it before thinks it. 

“sit on my face.” 

you’re grinning as you lift your head up to look at him. 

you’re not sure how many hours have passed by now. you’ve cum too many times, two only from sitting on yuuji’s face and his eager cunt eating, while megumi’s cum one additional time. yuuji, though. yuuji’s a lot worse off than either of you. or maybe better. 

since he’d asked you to sit on his face, you’d changed his position, and so, his restraints too. he lays on his back now, body slick with sweat and cum, yours, his, megumi’s, it doesn’t matter. his arms are raised up, and there’s a handcuff on each wrist, binding him to the headboard. he stills dons the collar, but this time, instead of attaching him to the headboard, a chain dangles from the singular front hook, and at each end of it are clamps, tightly pressing down on his nipples. 

he’s sore in every way, disgusting and filthy, and every part of his body hurts. but when you reach out for his cock, again, for the hundredth time, and you ask him his color, he still manages out a raspy, whiny, “green.” 

the vibrator that’s been pushed inside of him buzzes alive, and yuuji’s eyes widen, his entire body tensing up as he cries out behind a closed mouth. you reach for his cock, and his mouth falls open, his legs shaking and the handcuffs click and clang. when he throws his head back, eyes squeezing shut in pain as you grip his cock, the clamps pull at his nipples, and he keens, body attempting to curve in on itself in response to the pain. 

“aren’t you a good boy?” you coo, stroking his cock eagerly. 

one of megumi’s hands caresses the expanse of yuuji’s chest, the other fiddles with the buttons of the vibrator’s remote. “a really good boy,” he agrees with you. “like a puppy.” cocking his head and narrowing his eyes at the fucked out boy beneath him, he increases the speed of the toy inside of yuuji, watching as yuuji’s back arches up and his eyes cross, more tears leaking out. the toy is shaped in a way that constantly presses against his prostrate when fully inside of him. that, along with the fact that it vibrates, and your hand around his cock has him crying for the two of you. 

actually crying. fat tears roll down his cheeks, replacing the stain of the old ones with these fresh ones as you jerk him off. 

“puppy!” you exclaim happily, delighted with the way yuuji seems to respond so positively to the nickname. “oh, puppy, i love you.”

yuuji whines, panting desperately as his tongue lolls out. megumi’s finger trails up to his lips, his thumb lifting and pressing down on the muscle in yuuji’s mouth. “it fits him,” he decides, and you hum in agreement, jerking yuuji off faster, harder. 

his past orgasm had been dry, painfully so. yuuji had expected that to be the last of it. you’d pulled so many out of him: the bed is damp with the evidence, and his skin is sticky with it too. but still, you’d whined and pouted at him, asking him for once more. yuuji doesn’t think he can feel the rest of his body anymore, and he thinks he’s actually gone braindead. 

if megumi was asked, he’d agree in a heartbeat. 

yuuji’s mouth twitches against the press of megumi’s thumb on his tongue, but the dark haired boy only moves his thumb to replace it with his index and middle finger. he pushes deeper until his fingers tickle the entrance of yuuji’s throat, until he hears him gag. 

you thumb at the slit of yuuji’s cock, pressing down unforgivingly as yuuji gargles out, “gonna— cum— hngh.” it hadn’t taken long at all. it’s almost pathetic how quick he’d been sent over the edge, his hips rolling and thrusting up and his cock spasming in your hand as he orgasms, the clamps tugging and pulling at his nipples with every movement of his, sending shocks of pain up his spine. he’s too stupified to even consider disliking it though. and you can’t say you blame him for cumming quick, not with what you and megumi’d just put him through. the thought makes you giggle as yuuji uses your tight hand to ride out his final— hopefully— orgasm. 

mercifully, your hand falls away from his cock, and you pat his thigh lovingly as megumi slows down the vibrator. you pull it out of him slowly, mesmerized with how yuuji clamps down and clenches around it like he doesn’t want it to leave him. as you do so, megumi smoothes at his hair, slowly unclasping his nipples and removing his handcuffs, his fingers rubbing soothingly at the sore skin. “dumb little puppy,” he whispers, helping yuuji lower his arms, and moving to remove his collar. 

you laugh lightly as you crawl up along yuuji’s body, placing either hand on the mattress on either side of his face, and leaning down to press a kiss to his lips. “love you, puppy,” you whisper, sincerely, and it’s okay if he doesn’t kiss you back, lacking too much of his energy to even move an inch. you know he loves you back. 

he did just let you do all that to him, after all. 

“did you two know?” 

it’s nearly 24 hours later that yuuji’s called upon by your superiors, an impromptu mission announced. he’s glaring accusingly at you and megumi now, and you honestly can’t say you’ve ever seen megumi this amused. 

he answers for the two of you. “no, but it’s a nice coincidence,” he replies to yuuji, and the latter harshens his glare. 

he moves to lift an accustoary arm up, but winces in pain and instead, keeps at his side. “there’s no way you didn’t know!” he argues. 

you chuckle to yourself, approaching yuuji. when your hand comes up to cup his face, he relaxes, a little. he’s still radiating anger and betrayal, however. you doubt he’d let this go, ever. if not seriously, then to get back at you. and you keep that thought in mind as you comfortingly reassure him, “come on, love. this is your duty. you knew what was up when you decided to become a jujutsu sorcerer years back.”

he huffs, glare returning as his angry eyes meet your faux innocent ones. 

you roll your eyes, leaning up to press a kiss to his cheek, and when you do, you pause for a moment. as you steal in a breath to begin to speak, yuuji curls in on you, leaning closer to hear you. “make me proud, puppy,” you whisper by his ear. “and only then can you have your fun with me.” 

yuuji freezes, straightening up. his eyes meet megumi’s, and it’s that mischievous glint shining in them. this time, he matches him, and grins.

end note; holy shit was that long. and filthy. and long. i was gonna make it even longer and go in more depth with the smut but i was like that’s just gonna be boring lmfao hfksjs ANYWAYS i hope you guys enjoyed this!!! let me know what you think and if i should do any other poly scenarios with these two!! <3</p>

[tacocrisp69]

Bingo!!, You share your opinion, I'll share mine, Feel free to get angry, No pussying out please, 💕

All whites are ugly, all asians are ugly, Eastern motherfuckers are ugly, Arabs are fucking ugly, Germans especially, you guys are HIDEOUS, British people are ugly, Christian, Satanic, Witchcraft, WHATEVER fucking religion you are, you're ugly and suffer from a mighty case of "i think im special syndrome!!!" Fuck nerodivergents, WHAT A SHOCKER!!! world doesn't revolve around you..🥺 Fat and thin, you're still not good enough, just kill yourself and quit dieting. No matter what you eat, no matter what you do, it's never good enough, Democrat, Republican, One's self centered and the other's delusional. You still suck at managing the world, Biden, Trump, Obama, Hillary, They've all done horrific shit, there has never once been a good president, Its even bad because my own grandmother agreed with me on this and she's FUCKING 79💀

Depressed mfs can just go die, Whatever they're going through is the bottom of the barrel therfore they're just massive fucking pussies, The world just hates you! This shit happens for a REASON, It is what it is. Stop bitching and making it your WHOLE PERSONALITY, Muscular and fit assholes, VEGAN PEOPLE ESPECIALLY are the same shit, they do the bare minimum and make it their whole personality, You'll end up dying from cancer anyways, you're not special. Men, Woman, Non Binary, we are all capable of rape, murder, and degeneracy, We are all god awful individuals and i know how we as a human race is why aliens haven't visited us yet. They just ain't interested in selfishness and 24/7 self Indulgence,

Pedophiles, Its hard to think so many think this sickening disgusting personality trait is only exclusive to men, while it is on a broader spectrum, Females, Non Binaries, whatever THE FUCK YOU ARE, Can still be the same exact shit and that's horrifically upsetting, You're just as bad, Nobodies excluded, everyone should go die.

Also, there's only 2 genders, being non binary is just pronoun specific, a personal choice, therfore i don't count it as a gender but its okay i don't hate you guys, i actually hate you all + you to make it even , 💖

Also, if you dare actually have these "genders" Please go die. Do you remember a timeline saying if you collected genders like pokemon cards would send you to a fucking insane asylum? I do not CARE if you're autistic or whatever, stop acting like the world revolves around you, Autistic isn't even autistic. Nobody in this world is Autistic, You guys hate nerotypicals so much yet you live and die with terms made by them to "express" yourselfs+ use it as an excuse for fucking everything. We live in a day and age where Gender has lost its meaning, You may be BuckBumbleCartic or whatever the fuck, BUT deep down. You're still either a female, or a male, look at your genitals please, if i woke up and saw Neco Arc replacing my genitals i would kill myself, but thats what the copy-paste chronically online Pinterest user wants, Oh and there by say something sooo bad about necoarc gender you're racist! You're homophobic! You're every BUZZWORD IN THE BOOK!!! Don't care. I'll misgender you fucking hoes every chance i get. I really do not care, Even the queen of fucking England doesn't get the special princess treatment like you want, Even so if you're offended, you'll forget about my existence in a month. Remember? "The wired is just of series of communications. You must not mix it up with the real world"

I think i said enough, anyways I really really hope the world ends next year, I hope there's another world war and we're the first targets. God bless America,

Black men are ugly. White men are ugly. Brown men are ugly. Asian men are ugly. Western men are ugly. Eastern men are ugly. Arab men are ugly. South Asian men are ugly. Christian men are ugly. Muslim men are ugly. Catholic men are ugly. Jewish men are ugly. Palestinian men are ugly. Israeli men are ugly. Disabled men are ugly. Abled men are ugly. Fat men are ugly. Thin men are ugly. Muscular men are ugly. Blind men are ugly. Autistic men are ugly. Trans women are ugly. All men are ugly. Basically, if you have a Y-chromosome you’re ugly and trash and should kill yourself.

[fuzzballsheltiepants]

Hi,.....if you don't mind me asking, can I ask your top 5 (or top 3) favorite characters from AFTG series? And why do you love them? And your top 5 favorite moments from the novels? Sorry if you've answered this question before....Thanks....

ooh asking me to narrow things down, I love your bold choice! Thanks for the ask!

here goes, top 5 characters (I kind of hate that they're all men but oh well):

Andrew Minyard. I know he's an asshole; I know he's morally grey; I know he's violent at times. But he has an internal logic, an internal morality that does not match that of the world around him because his life has absolutely sucked. Though he rarely lets himself care, when he does, it's passionate and with his whole soul. He's a survivor, an endurer, probably neurodivergent, and that's something I can understand. He's also funny as hell, something I try to lean into when I write him!

Neil Josten. A survivor in a totally different way from Andrew. Where Andrew shuts down and endures what he must, Neil fights - often to his own detriment. He's so quick to pick up on things, he's so freaking smart in so many ways, he's complicated and messy in a way that is so real. I love the wry awareness in his voice because he knows when he's being a dumbass and yet he does it anyway. Plus, y'know, he was one of the first voices that resonated with my own when it came to attraction or lack thereof and made me go hm, perhaps I am ace-spec...

David Wymack. Look, the man's heart is far too big, he loves broadly and without judgement or fear. I know he's gruff, like the rest of the Foxes he can be kind of a dick, he's ableist at times at least in his language. But he believes in his little crew of fucked-up kids, he believes they deserve a chance not to prove they can be normal, but to prove that they deserve respect and love despite the fact that they're not.

Jean Moreau. We see so little of him, but he's just as much a survivor as Andrew and Neil. He's dramatic in a way that makes me suspect he's whistling in the dark - he's finding a way to be himself despite the abuse he endures. And while some of his taking care of Neil at the Nest was because he had to, there's reason to suspect that part of it was because he gets something out of caring for another. Maybe it reminds him that he's human.

Nicky Hemmick. He reminds me so much of queer kids I grew up with, people who leaned into and embraced stereotypes as soon as they were free of their abusive, homophobic parents because it was a way of asserting their identities. I know he seriously fucked up at Eden's, and he doesn't understand Andrew at all, but he suffered so much abuse, he went through so much, and he came through just wanting to help others who are also suffering. He gave up a good, happy life to take care of Aaron and Andrew, the former who he barely knew and the latter who he'd never met. He's a Fox through and through.

Top 5 moments in the books, in no particular order:

When Andrew came back for Neil when Neil called him during his panic attack, culminating in the kiss on the roof. Andrew's steadiness in that entire scene, the way he's just there for Neil while Neil is shutting down, and then the "I am not your answer, and you sure as fuck aren't mine" line... It shows how hard Andrew is working on his mental health and recovery, that he understands that as much Neil means to him he can't be everything because nobody can be everything for another person. But it also is when Andrew first makes it clear how much Neil means and just, oh, my heart.

Wymack picking up Neil from the airport and the entire scene afterward. Wymack being the one person Neil knew he could call, who he knew would pick him up and give him what he needed in that moment, after Neil was so afraid of him at the beginning. The fact that Neil looked totally different, and yet Wymack still instantly knew who he was. That Neil let himself fall asleep so deeply that he didn't wake up when being carried into the fucking apartment, because he knew he was safe. It's a huge breakthough and gets me in the heart every time.

The Baltimore reunion scene in the motel. Not sure I need to explain this one, but I think the line "I have to go, I don't trust them to give you back" sums it all up.

The shower scene. The intimacy they allow themselves there - not just physical, but emotional; the reconnection; Neil's desperation to know that Andrew still wants him, his need to just make Andrew look at him, his relief when Andrew opened up to him. Then the tenderness after, Andrew being careful when drying him around his injuries, and Andrew wearing his clothes, it's too much.

Nicky and Neil in the library. Nicky telling some of his story, us (and Neil) getting to understand more of what he went through and why that makes him so desperate for Neil not to think he's all on his own or to become too dependent on Exy. This is where we get the sense that Nicky understands at least the edges of Neil's mental health struggles, where he makes the connection between his own depression and suicidal tendencies and how letting other people in and finding people he could trust saved him. He sees Neil struggling and wants the same for him, and it always moves me. Then there's Neil immediately thinking of Andrew as being someone he can let in and trust and then going, no no, I can't (HA! you thought)

[bonky-n-steeb]

𝐵𝑅𝐸𝐴𝑇𝐻𝐸

𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝙾𝙽𝙴

𝘿𝘼𝙍𝙆!𝘽𝙐𝘾𝙆𝙔 𝘽𝘼𝙍𝙉𝙀𝙎 𝙭 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍 | 𝙈𝙊𝘽!𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙑𝙀 𝙍𝙊𝙂𝙀𝙍𝙎 𝙓 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍

𝗦𝗨𝗠𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗬: Your life is as good as it gets. The perfect husband, the perfect daughter, the perfect job. But what you are unaware is that your husband is a deadly assassin and your long-lost friend, now a fearsome mob boss is hell bent on getting you back. But what you don’t know can't hurt you, right?

𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦: psychological disorder, PTSD, domestic abuse, yandere, obsession, violence, cursing. If you find any of this triggering please DNI. Also inform me if I left something out.

ᴛʜɪs ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇᴛᴀ ʀᴇᴀᴅ, sᴏ ᴀʟʟ ᴍɪsᴛᴀᴋᴇs ᴀʀᴇ ᴍʏ ᴏᴡɴ

Oh, lawd! i have to post everything again! Send me all your energy. If you wanna be tagged, just inform me!

Also, I’ll be changing the story by a little, (or by a lot, idk) from my previous version.

You were feeling like John Travolta from the music video of Stayin’ Alive. Vibing to your own rhythm, living your own freedom. Attending college miles away from your hometown, you were the captain of your ship. Though you loved your parents more than anything, you were glad for the freedom granted upon you.

Your Freshmen year had just begun and you had already made a few friends. But what you didn’t want to accept just yet was your crush on one of them, Bucky. With his steely blue eyes and boyish charm, even a goddess might fall for him, and you were just a mortal. You were simply happy with being friends as you believed he would never like you and well, a little crush never hurt nobody.  

Completing your shift in a local bookstore, just outside the campus, you were walking back, lost in your own thoughts. What caught your attention was a group of howling high schoolers; from the look of it, they were barely a year to two younger than you. A group of tall and popular kids were bullying a skinny, helpless dude; ufff the usual cliché you thought to yourself. What you failed to notice though was his bleeding nose.  

You were a kind soul, always helping others, but you were no fool. All alone in an unknown town, you weren't going to confront the burly teens who were twice your own size. After giggling and cracking some stupid jokes on the poor dude trying to impress a girl, they left him and that’s when you noticed all the blood. You quickly crossed the road and walked towards him. He seemed smaller than he was as he was crouching down and trying to rub all the blood.

“Hey! Pinch your nose, don’t disturb it by rubbing.” you said while bending down. “Uhh, okay... thanks!” he looked at you with big doe eyes and you were utterly mesmerized by the blue oceans he had for his eyes. “Do you.. Do you need something else kid? Where do you live?” you asked giving him a candy and your water bottle. “I’m no kid!” he exclaimed and you flinched.  

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. You are helping me and here I am shouting at you.” You could clearly see remorse in his eyes and you wondered why would someone hurt him? “yeah, yeah.. It's Okay... now have this candy, the sugar will help you feel better.” you said with a soft smile. “thank you so much... and by the way I live two streets across. I mean I can go by myself, I'm a grown-up.. But...” he trailed off and you helped him get up.

“I’m Steve” he tried his best to smile and you followed by sharing your own name. And with that his chatter train began, he explained that he was just trying to help another girl getting bullied, when the bullies decided to change their target and chase Steve instead.

“you should wear your own mask first and then help others wear theirs.” you quipped and instantly bit your tongue. “Hmm, what?” he asked genuinely curious. “what I meant is that you did what is correct and very brave, but sometimes you gotta think for yourself too. But these are just my thoughts.” you shrugged. “I’ll remember that.” he said with a genuine expression. And after a million thank yous he finally went in his house. By the size of his house, he seemed rich and you wondered maybe this wasn't that cliché.  

☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎

The next day, you were walking back the same road, when you thought of Steve. He really was a kind and sweet person. This world needed more of people like him. And just then you saw him smiling brightly and waving at you, his nose bandaged. He had a huge box in his hand.

“Heyyyyy! Thank you for helping me yesterday. So I just... kinda got this as a ... a token of appreciation. I considered you might like donuts, so I got you this.” He said rubbing his nape. His cheeks had become so red he looked like a ripe tomato. “well, if you haven’t already given me diabetes by saying so many thank yous, after eating sooo many donuts I’ll surely get it.” At that you both chuckled and the atmosphere became lighter. As you picked a donut, he looked at you with such admiration you thought you would melt then and there.

Suddenly with a stern expression you asked “what if it’s drugged?” His eyes widened and he stuttered, “I... I would never do that ...” he looked down and you thought he might cry. “hey waittt.. don’t get so sad.. I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry. I was just joking. I have this really bad habit of saying things when I shouldn’t. God I just ruined everything.” You just made a mental note not to joke around him, he seemed to be quite emotional. Though it was going to be difficult to tame your tongue. “don’t be. I just take things too literally.... anyway let’s have some donuts what say?” He said with such shine in his eyes you wondered whether he was sad just a moment before.

You both walked up to your university campus, munching on donuts. You both shared things about yourselves. You told him how you were passionate in becoming a doctor. He on the other hand talked about his struggles in studying. “will you help me? You are so smart and bright, will you help me study if I have a doubt or something?” he asked giving his big doe eyes.

You weren’t going to agree at first, you had just met him a day ago. But after looking in those calm blue pools of his eyes you agreed. Seeing the joy on his face, you wondered whether he just won an Oscar.

What you didn’t know was that Steve had already fallen in love with you, yes love, he was convinced that you were the one for him, his one true love. Not a moment had he been able to think of anything but you since he had met you. You were everything he needed and wanted and much more. He was simply desperate to spend more time with you.

☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎

It had been around six months since you met Steve. Over the time you two had turned out to be best friends. While Steve had fallen even more in love with you, you had fallen hopelessly in love with bucky. While you always told bucky about Steve and vice versa, you never confessed to Steve about your love for Bucky, thus furthermore increasing his hopes. You desperately wished to make Steve and Bucky meet. They were two important people in your life and you more than anything wished that they got together well.  

Today was the day when you decided to arrange a small meet and greet at the park where you and Steve met every day. You and Bucky walked together towards the tree where you usually sat with Steve waiting there for you. You knew both would like each other, but somewhere deep within your gut you were getting a not-so good feeling about this.  

Steve’s eyes lit up seeing you but as they turned to Bucky, it felt as if all the energy had been sucked out of him. You didn’t like that one bit. “Bucky!?” Steve exclaimed in half disappointment and half fear. “You both... you both know each other?” you ask bewildered. You tried chuckling to lighten the mood but by the looks of it they were sworn enemies, but you prayed that you were wrong. “yeah, we know each other a little too well... Uh... We were good friends once.” Steve quietly admitted.

All this time Bucky had his jaw clenched, dragging in a deep breath he began. “I knew it! I knew it would be you, you little fucker! You want to have everything don’t you? Goddammit! I had this feeling it was you but I thought it was too much of a coincidence, but no. fate had to be so cruel.” you were shocked to see Bucky's sudden outburst. You wondered what conspired between the two, as either hadn’t ever mentioned the other.  

You were snapped out of your thoughts with Bucky calling your name. “let’s go. I don’t want to see him even for a minute more and neither do you.” Bucky started pulling your hand but you stopped him “Bucky no. I guess you have some misunderstanding; Steve is a good person. And you don’t get to tell me who to talk to and who to not.”

Suddenly Bucky turned back to Steve, anger written all over his face. “You didn’t tell her, huh, did you? Don’t worry I'll tell her. Steve is the son of Joseph Rogers and he is the freaking Don Corleone of this area. Do you know how my father died? Steve’s father had him killed just because unknowingly he provided shelter to his father’s fugitive. Steve just pretends to be a caring, emotional person but he is a snake behind that mask, so is everyone in his family.” towards the end Bucky was in tears and you were in utter shock. Now that you tried to remember, Steve never really did tell you much about his family. And the fact that Steve wasn’t denying any single allegation made you want to puke your guts out.

“You have taken too much from me. But not this. Not her. Not the woman I love more than anything.” Bucky said it out loud in the heat of the moment. You were too dumbstruck to even blink. Did Bucky just confess that he loved you?  

Bucky turned to you and held your arm with such softness you wondered if he was just now screaming his lungs out at Steve. “I know I can't tell you who to be with, and I promise I never will in the future, but trust me you want to be caught up with him or his family. And still, if you choose him, well then, I can’t be with you.”

You knew you had to make a choice then and there, there was no going back, and you chose Bucky.

[procrastinatingsapphictrash]

I came back for you

Word count: 2123

Genre: Angst but happy end

Pairing: Natasha x gn!reader

Warnings: Abusive prison/government (let me know if I need to add any)

Request: Hey, so this is kind of a weird request, but could you do a Nattie x Powered! Reader during Civil War, where Nat, of course, is on Tony's team, and the Reader is trying to keep the peace between the two teams. Maybe the government takes (Y/n) and puts her in a shock collar like Wanda's because they think she was on Steve's team? Sorry this is so weird . . .

Summary: You are neutral in the fight, or so you think before you are told you can't be and are taken away with the rest of Cap's team.

A/n: Thanks @thewidowsghost for requesting this! Honestly I didn't plan on writing anything or posting anything today but I saw that I had a little bit of this done and to be honest my day has sucked so I needed a distraction and this worked perfectly. Also I could someone tell me how the formatting looks? I'm trying the new beta editor and I think I'm doing things right but idk. Anyways I hope you all enjoy!

As you take in the scene that surrounds you you can’t believe that you once considered everybody to be a big weird family. Certainly none of them are acting like it now. It breaks your heart to see them on opposite sides, throwing themselves at each other because apparently their personal beliefs are more important than their friends.

Neither of them are right or wrong in your opinion. There’s too many factors and both options suck, it’s the government’s fault for placing the team in this situation. However you are not happy with the way anyone is handling it, especially Steve, Tony and Natasha. Both Tony and Steve are acting based on what they think is right without considering the other sides to the story, although you can’t say that’s surprising coming from them. You do know that they genuinely do care for others but they can be very hard headed and neither of them like to be wrong.

It’s Natasha who you’re most disappointed in though, you thought that she would be a better negotiation, helping ease the tension but she’s out there fighting like the rest of the idiots. You thought that she would agree with you and try to bring together the two sides.

You narrow your eyes and zoom in your vision to the far side of the airport where you see Spiderman. You have no idea who he is but you can tell just by looking at him that he’s only a kid and it was irresponsible of everyone to let him be here and to fight him. You use your superspeed to get to him quickly and take him out of the way of flying cars and leave him by the side where it should be relatively safe.

“Stay here.” you tell him.

“But-”

You glare. “Stay here.”

You rush off before you can make sure he listens because you can hear a grunt of pain from Rhodney. He’s lying on the ground with Tony standing over him and Sam a few meters back. The fight seems to be ending now, you see the plane leaving and the rest of the avengers start to gather but it doesn’t matter because the damage is already done. You don’t know exactly what happened but it looks like a freak accident, somehow nobody’s fault and yet everybody’s fault for getting into this situation in the first place.

The mood is weird, as if everybody is holding their breath and taking in what they’ve done. In the background you can hear trucks pulling up and footsteps follow soon after. The first man grabs Wanda and she blasts him back lightly so he falls down. Immediately a circle forms around her, everyone pointing their guns. Clint takes a step in, raising his arms and trying to calm the situation down but the guns shift to him and one agent steps forward and roughly grabs him, forcing his wrists into cuffs.

They go for Sam next and he looks pissed but lets them cuff him without comment. Scott looks completely confused and out of his depth. You don’t know him but it’s obvious that he is not trained for these types of situations and is in over his head.

It’s Wanda that makes your heart break the most though. She’s like a little sister to you so seeing the tears in her eyes and the terror on her face as the agents move in to cuff her makes you want to wrap your arms around her and promise it will all be okay. But you can’t, that would be a lie because everything is not okay and trying to hug her would only make things worse.

The agents start to move away, leading Cap's team to their trucks to be taken away. One of them turns back and notices you, murmuring something to the agents beside them. Before you can even understand what is happening they are right back and grabbing at your arms roughly. Naturally you try to pull away but they are strong and once you realize what is happening you stop struggling.

“I didn’t pick a side,” you try to explain, “I was just trying to make sure everyone was okay.”

“You didn’t sign the accords and therefore have no right to be here.” one of the men tells you. You look towards Tony’s team for help but they all seem to be busy. Tony and Vision are trying to make sure Rhodney is okay and the kid is luckily back where you left him. T’challa is shaking hands with one of the agents and although it makes you sick because of the way they are treating some of the others you understand, he does have a country to run and his people must come first after all.

Natasha is the only one not doing anything and she meets your eyes. You silently beg her to do something, anything against what is happening. She stares you straight in the eye and shakes her head. You actually shiver at how cold her look is because you never thought that would be directed at you, you thought that the two of you were close.

“I’m not going to help you Y/n, you made your own choice and I made mine.” Is all she says before turning away. You watch her back as long as you can as you are led into the trucks, wondering how everything went wrong so quickly.

---

Nobody talks. You aren’t even sure if you’re allowed to. There is no way what they are doing is legal but who is going to argue with the government. A secret prison built just for enhanced individuals and imprisoning people without trial isn’t right. You were neutral before but the more you see of how the government operates the more you start to lean towards supporting Steve and the rest of his “team”.

You shift slightly because the shock collar is getting even more uncomfortable. Wanda is wearing one too, probably since the two of you are the only ones that have powers unrelated to technology and suits. She looks smaller than ever in her cell and you close your eyes because if you continue to look at her you know you’ll end up crying.

Nothing changes throughout the day until you hear the door creak open. Everyone glares when they see it’s Tony and he and Clint share a few words before Tony practically begs Sam for information. Sam’s reluctant but gives in, seeing that Tony is sincere and knowing that although he disagrees with Tony it’s not really his fault that you’re all here, it’s the government’s.

When Tony leaves things go silent again for a few hours. You haven’t been fed since you’ve gotten here, you realize, but you aren’t hungry anyways, your mind can’t stop picturing the fight, being arrested and most of all Natasha’s attitude towards you. It hurts even more than you would like to admit. You considered her your best friend but you also had feelings for her and you were dumb enough to think that just maybe she felt the same things about you. Obviously that is completely untrue and you wonder if even your friendship was a lie.

“How long do you think we’ll be stuck here for?” Wanda asks finally and although her voice is quiet you wince at how it breaks the silence.

“I don’t know kid.” Clint responds. “Too long. My wife is going to kill me and my kids-”

He stops himself, getting a little choked up which surprises you. You’ve never seen him this emotional before.

“I already miss my daughter.” Scott adds on and there is a moment of understanding that passes between the two of them.

“I don’t have my own family but I’m going to miss my sister.” Sam says. “She probably won’t even find out what’s happening until it’s on the news, if the news even covers it.”

“I miss the team.” you add. “Before this fight, we weren’t perfect but I considered everyone family.”

“So did I.” Wanda says and you all take a moment to miss what used to be.

“I miss pizza.” Sam jokes, trying to lighten the mood. It works and soon everyone is adding on ridiculous things they miss and things they want to do when you get out (you can’t even think about the fact that the “when” might actually be “if”).

Your eyes snap to the door when it opens and everyone shuts up immediately. You look warily at Natasha, unsure of why she’s here. Maybe the government sent her in to interrogate, god knows she is amazing at that and you honestly wouldn’t be able to not talk to her, as much as you’re mad at her right now.

She doesn’t speak, going straight towards Sam’s door and kneeling down, fiddling with the lock. After a few seconds it clicks and the door swings open.

“When did you switch sides?” He asks, raising his eyebrows, impressed.

“I don’t pick sides, I do what makes the most sense and right now breaking you out is the right thing to do. Besides I’m wanted now too, apparently the government doesn’t like it when you aid fugitives in escaping.” she responds smoothly, moving onto Wanda’s cell and repeating her actions until it opens.

“Do you know how to take the collar off?” she asks and Sam nods. He gets to work while Natasha moves on. Both Clint and Scott pass at her offer of freeing them. They both look like they’re itching to escape but you respect that they’re putting their families first.

You’re surprised by how emotional you get when she unlocks your cell. You thought she didn’t care about you so to have her here now is amazing and makes you feel bad you ever doubted that she would do the right thing.

“Y/n, it’s okay, I’ve got you.” she tells you as she undoes your shock collar carefully, doing her best to not hurt you.

“I-I thought you didn’t care about me anymore.” you admit, a single tear dripping down your face.

She wipes it away with her thumb. “Oh sweetheart I care about you so much, more than you could ever know and I want you to always remember that, promise me.”

You nod, sniffing. “I promise Tasha.”

“Good because I came back for you and I will always come back for you.” she says, leaning in closer. You look down at her lips as she continues to lean in because she is so close and it seems like she’s going to kiss you.

“Glad to know Y/n was the only reason you came back.” Sam says, smirking. You love him but you also want to strangle him right now, that bastard could totally see what was happening and ruined the moment on purpose.

Natasha flips him the finger but otherwise ignores him. “Steve and Bucky are waiting in the jet outside, I was able to dismantle alarms and cameras but we only have a few minutes left so follow me and be quiet.”

She grabs your hand as she moves out of your cell and you walk with her, the others trailing behind slightly. The halls are clear and it’s only a few turns before she ushers everyone into a vent. It’s a tight squeeze but you make it through and you pop out to find sturdy wires attached to the side of the raft coming from a nearby jet. Wanda and Sam each take one and their wires retract, pulling them into the jet. You gulp nervously, heights are definitely not one of your favourite things.

“We have to go Y/n.” Natasha whispers just as alarms start to sound, the noises loud with flashing lights.

You take a deep breath and grab the remaining wire and once you’re secure Natasha grabs it too. Closing your eyes tightly so you don’t look down you feel a strange whooshing sensation before it disappears and your feet touch down on the jet floor.

“So what next?” Sam asks once you’ve all collected yourselves, directing his question at Steve.

“We lie low and try to help as best we can.” he responds, sighing heavily. “We’ll figure out the details as we go, what matters is that everybody is safe.”

Natasha holds your hand again and squeezes it tightly. “And that we are together.” she whispers into your ear so only you hear.

You squeeze her hand tightly back. Your relationship with her has gone through a rollercoaster of a day and is mostly undefined but she’s right, all that matters is that you’re together now and you wouldn’t rather be with anyone else.

---

Taglist: @fayhar @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @acertainredhead @madamevirgo @megaqueenmaeve @cherryblossomskye @aaron-despair @chickenhavewisdom @emril-osvigne @nyankitty987 @agathaharkness-simp @thewidowsghost @nyx-aira @stephanieromanoff @satxnsupreme @likefirenrain @wlwlovesreading @stop-drop-and-drumroll @peggycarter-steverogers @casperlikej @redswing @mochamoff @king-star @blackbat2020

[whysojiminimnida]

A bit triggering so i understand if you dont want to publish this ask. To that anon: saying "Can we talk positively about people who offed themselves?" I'm speechless. You obviously never been through what even a bit of us go through. I'm not saying our struggle and reasons are the same, but as someone who was one minute away from "off ourselves", anywhere is better than that the state we were in. Nothing positive about that. Fck get off the Internet. Tk is not real i guarantee you that

OH LOOK EVERYONE YOONGI IS WORKING ON HIS MIXTAPE, "L'iL Friskies"! That is exciting but if you read my last post you know that when Yoongi the cat not the man is at work there MIGHT BE TRIGGERS AHEAD SO READ CAREFULLY OR MOVE ALONG. You matter, your safety is important. If you are my nice anon or you feel okay to keep reading, hit the link under my cat's butt headphones:

Everything about this subject is triggering, anon, and I am really not sure if by answering this I will make it worse for anyone. I don't want to do that but you are important, and so I'm gonna hope that people pay attention to the big ass TW I posted right before I answered this. Y'know, I use gallows humor and very morbid vernacular a lot. So I get that often things I say off the cuff, like stating in another post that my sister "offed herself intentionally or otherwise", probably sounded really harsh to a lot of more sensitive ears. I do need to be more careful about my use of words, huh? Because that super weird anon used my own terminology against me and by extension against you and my other readers. That's not cool. I'm sorry about that.

But that wasn't your point, was it? Here, have a group hug, anon:

I hate that you've been there.

I hate that I've been there and more often than I care to admit.

I hate that in my own life I've had three family members get there and not make it back alive in the last year.

OKAY THAT SUCKED SORRY. But it DOES SUCK. It's horrible for those of us who get to that last minute and those who think about it and those who genuinely believe they are making other's lives better and those who just don't have the strength to care anymore. Here. Time for another hug.

When we get to that place where our decision to end things is the BETTER CHOICE - and oh yes it absolutely feels that way - we're already in Hell. You know this. I suspect a lot of us know this. That anon, and others like her (I shouldn't assume gender but I'm gonna go right on and do it, that's the least offensive thing I've done this week) - they have NO IDEA. None. Not a shadow of a fucking clue. Hug.

But, lovely anon, I am so sorry you've hurt that much. You don't deserve that. Nobody, not even that anon, deserves that. Nothing you have done has deserved that. You are valuable way beyond your imagination. You know, that thing Tae keeps telling that anon and her friends to get out of.

What they are doing and have done is awful, it's hateful, it's - for lack of a better word - evil.

But you're none of those things. And if you, or anyone reading this, is hurting, please reach out to me, to anyone you trust, hell, Google your local crisis line and give them a fake name and address so they can't send the team (source: have done it. Have also not done it and ended up in the ER so do whatever you need to get through and stay here.) Just, please make sure that you are taking care of you the best way you can, whether that looks right to anyone else or not. Please do what you can to not to get to that one minute again. I'm so glad you made it back. Wanna stick around awhile? PS: This would be the WORST TIME to haul out my "suicide is never the answer little trooper" meme but when I feel like drinking the drain fluid I pull out Heathers or Better Off Dead and just have me a marathon. Not that it'll work for you, but if you need some horrible gallows humor you will find it in the movies of my teenage years. We were FUCKED UP in the 80s. Anyway I'm here if you wanna yell or cuss or talk about anything.

[ignitedbynatsu]

I Trust You pt. 2

A/N: Ah, yes, humor as a coping mechanism, I totally don't use that every day 👀. ANywayz, @xbay-beex here is the last part your request, I hope you liked what I did with your request ❤ 

Genre: angst to fluff with a little bit of crack

Warnings: reader being hurt, self-loathing

Previous ~ next

⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡⚡

He shouldn’t have listened. He shouldn’t have let you convince him, nor should he have let his ego get the best of him. It was foolish and reckless of him to believe that he could successfully take that shot. How could he have been so naïve? He knew he messed up badly in the past, but when you joined the guild, heard of what he did, and didn’t even care, it was at that very moment when he vowed to never hurt you. You had told him that his actions in the past didn’t define the man he was now, that you were certain that he was a good man, you believed in him, even with all the mistakes he made. And yet here he was, being the one responsible for putting you in that bed. He was the one who made you walk the fine line between life and death. He always had to mess it up one way or another. 

Freed placed a hand on his friend's shoulder, snapping him out of his destructive thought process. The blonde glanced at the other male for a second before fixating his eyes back on your resting form, hoping for you to wake up. Wanting nothing but seeing your beautiful eyes again. “You should get something to eat” 

He shook his head “I’m not hungry”, but the rumble in his stomach that followed contradicted his statement. 

“We’ll look after her. Just go, please” Laxus hadn’t even noticed that Bickslow and Evergreen were in the room as well. He looked up at them, meeting the same pitiful looks he received from everyone. He shouldn’t deserve their sympathy, he was the one who put you in that state anyway. If anything they should resent him, but none of them did. “Alright” 

Once Mira-Jane caught a glimpse of Laxus figure, she quickly whipped up a meal and placed it in front of the seat he took at the bar “thank you” Nobody dared to speak to him. Not even Natsu dared to open his mouth. They didn’t know how to act around the sulking mage since they had never seen him so deflated before. Everyone knew the two of you were very close, but for you to have such an impact on the feared S-class mage was a whole new world that opened up. 

 Laxus was aimlessly poking his food around, hardly eating anything, when suddenly his name got called “Laxus! She’s awake” His eyes shot up and met Bickslows hopeful ones. He wanted nothing more than jump from his seat and sprint to your room, but he couldn’t move. He was frozen in his seat. The relief he felt just now was completely overshadowed by guilt. How could he ever face you after what he did? 

“Laxus?” all eyes were trained on the dragon slayer who could do nothing more but stare at the ground “I… I can’t face her. Tell her I’m sorry” With that he stood up from his seat and walked through the front door, ignoring the shouts from his grandfather to get back. He just couldn’t do it. Too afraid of the rejection in your eyes. He always messes everything up, so it would be for the better if he just left you. 

 A loud explosion stopped him in his track and made him snap his head back towards the guild. “(Y/N)” this time his legs didn’t hesitate for a second as they carried his body instinctively to wear you laid. 

“Oh how nice of you to come and visit me” He took notice of the now broken vase on the bedside table and the sheepish smile that played on your lips. It was a smile you only displayed when you had done something you shouldn’t have. “I swear we tried to stop her” 

“Freed, Bickslow, Ever, could you give us a moment?” You interrupted Freed before he could completely snitch on you, even though you were sure that Laxus had figured out by now what you had done. The three nodded their head and closed the door softly after them, giving you all the privacy you needed. 

“So how much money did we make?” You started, a playful glint evident in your eyes. If he hadn’t known better Laxus would’ve never guessed you were on death’s doorstep only moments ago “this is not a laughing matter, (Y/N)” 

“I know it isn’t. I need to pay my rent” You agreed making him scoff and roll his eyes. You never liked serious moments, it made you feel uncomfortable, but you knew you wouldn’t be able to joke your way out of this one, not this time. “Hey”

Laxus glanced at you for a mere second but quickly averted his eyes again. He could not deal with the disappointment that could potentially fill those beautiful orbs of yours “It’s not your fault, you know?” 

A scoff passed his lips once again as he heard those words everyone kept telling him “how could you say that when you’re laying there like that?” 

“Simple, I just said it, didn’t I?” A smile was playing on your lips once again, but when you saw that your attempts at lightening the mood were going nowhere, a heavy sigh escaped your lips “Laxus, it was a joined decision. I told you to do it. It sucks that it didn’t work, but we had no other choice” 

“Maybe there was, and we just didn’t think hard enough” He shook his head. You were just trying to make him feel better. There was no way you didn’t resent him at least a little. 

“Okay fine, let’s think about it then. How could we have possibly escaped from that moment without at least one of us getting hurt?” you challenged him, but what followed was dead silence. He couldn’t think of anything. “You see what I mean? We didn’t have many options and that one had the most chance of nobody getting hurt.” 

“Why do you have so much faith in me? You keep giving me second chances no matter how hard I mess up” You were a bit taken back by the sudden revelation of his emotions, but quickly regained your posture “You’re not a bad man, Laxus”

 “You keep saying that, but yet here you are, laying in this bed all because of my doings” He didn’t care how vulnerable he was right now. He had to let it out, or he would explode “I was terrified of the thought of losing you, of never seeing those two beautiful eyes look at me again, of never seeing that warm smile greet me every time you see me.” 

“Laxus… What are you saying?” You had a hunch of where this was going, but you wanted to hear the words coming from his mouth. 

 “You’re the reason why I wanna be better, (Y/N). I aspire to be a man worthy of putting your faith in one day. Worthy of giving your heart to even. But, I know I’m not there yet, and I know you deserve someone better. I… Just give me a bit of time, I promise I’ll love you unconditionally until the day I die” He vowed, making you chuckle a little “Was that too much?” 

“You already own my heart, silly” you smiled lovingly at him and for the first time he realized that that smile was the same smile you gave him every day when you greeted him. “Why?” 

“As I said before, you’re not a bad man, Laxus. Sure you’ve made some mistakes in the past, but you’ve learned from them. And even so, all your mistakes were always born out of good intentions, even when you tried to rebrand Fairy Tail. You may put on this unbothered façade, but I know you’d sacrifice your life in an instant for anyone in this guild, and that right there is a man deserving of my love” You explained as you placed your hand softly against his cheek. “You’re the only one I’d trust with my heart, so you better take good care of it” 

“You can never be serious for longer then 10 seconds, can you?” he chuckled as he placed his forehead against yours. You closed your eyes and hummed in satisfaction “just shut up and kiss me”

[lokislynx]

Once upon a time I was a girl who loved... obsessed about The Phantom of the Opera. Erik was more than a comfort character to me. Still is. Gaston Leroux's book saved my life. I was bullied at school. My grandmother, a narcissistic psycopath was close to me... I thought I was ugly and I hated myself. I wanted to die. But then this story came into my life and changed everything. It was like I had walked through my life eyes closed and then somebody told me to open my eyes.

It is a story of accepting difference. A story of what happens when society decides who is ugly and who is beautiful. And most of all it is a story of love. It tells how important it is to love yourself and others... to see the beauty of the beast.

I am truly shocked of what's going around here these days. Phans going for other phans throats and accusing them of ugly things like phobia and racism for writing fanfiction... Fanfiction! Not everybody is a writer. Some of the writers are just kids!

Other thing... these angry phans are going after a book that was written over 100 years ago! In 1910 nobody knew or viewed homosexuality, transgender people... even people with other than "white" skin color like we view and know them today. And other books written at closer to "our time" are influenced by this 100 year old novel. The writers (like Susan Kay) had/have to make a choice weither to follow the original or take another direction.

Some of us treasure this over a 100 years old book. That doesn't make us racists. I for one like writing fanfiction of it. I follow the book... some of it anyway... knowing fully well the novel is reflecting the times and ideas that were common in that day's europian/french society... books reflect the writer and writer reflects the times they live in.

I write a lot and my fav books are old... trust me it shows. I mean nothing bad by it. I just turn into a gay 100 year old when I write. I write like a gay vampire... perhaps I even suck too. I don't care if I suck, it keeps me ALIVE. I love it. And I haven't let any one read what I have written.

Anyway The Phantom of the opera is a story. Written 1910. By a french man. Sure it's racist. But it's also a pretty revolutionary statement: find beauty in the beast, everyone deserves to be treated with compassion and respect... or else they might become insane murderers...

So... I really don't understand why we can't just be nice to each other.

If you don't like someone's fanfiction, don't read it. If you feel someone is offending you, think first. That someone could just be a child or someone's granny... or grandpa... that someone could just be expressing a deep need to express their own personal trauma using a comfort character. They might not mean any harm. That someone might not be fully at their senses. Ask yourself: does this piece of fanfiction truly hurt me, can it actually influence the world enough to hurt others... is it truly worth the fight? Could you fight stupidity, ignorance, phobia, hate with love?

[helion-ism]

let’s talk about elucien

there are so many reasons why I love elain x lucien and why I think these two would not only be amazing together, but also why they belong together. one of those reasons is lucien’s sassy personality, which we already got a glimpse of in acotar (and that I miss terribly btw), and which is, in my opinion, exactly what elain needs in her life. we’re talking about lucien “your eyes are like stars, and your hair like burnished gold” vanserra. we know he’s got quite a big mouth, that’s how we got to know him, but we also know that mouth is exactly what’s gotten him into trouble before. case in point: the eye incident. lucien doesn’t mince his words and yes, that is one of the reasons why elain really needs to spend some more time with him. 

she has been coddled by not only her father, nesta, feyre, but also the entire inner circle, which has allowed her to live her life passively. yes, she killed the king of hybern, and good for her, but she did it because nobody else could have done it at that point in time. ever since the war ended, elain has not actively contributed to any plot matters, whether by choice or because someone else took the choice from her. azriel said in acosf, “there is an innate darkness to the dread trove that elain should not be exposed to.” even amren pointed out that elain is capable of defending herself, but for some reason, nobody let her even though elain said she would try to find it: “then I will find it. I might require some time to … reacquaint myself with my powers, but I could start today.” and yet,  by the end of the book, elain’s been barely in it and has not contributed at all. (I know some people claim there’s certain things already happening in the background, but honestly, I’m not satisfied with that development happening off page, so I can’t wait to finally go on her journey and actually see her do stuff)

this moment is crucial:

does it look like she is happy with the way the others treat her? not really. when nesta snapped at her, elain started laughing. that signals relief to me because nesta, the one who has always tried to protect elain the most (nesta baby Ilysm), is the one who suddenly lost her patience. elain needs somebody like lucien, somebody with a big mouth and sassy attitude, who can coax her out of that paralysis she’s been stuck in, a bit like nesta in this scene. additionally, the banter would be top tier. I want another “if I offer you the moon on a string, will you give me a kiss, too?” moment, please. god please. (elain blinks. “and where would you like that kiss?” — and lucien just loses his mind.)

another thing that lives in my head rent free is the fact that lucien has travelled almost everywhere and could introduce elain, who wishes to see more of the world (see: “elain had always wanted to visit the continent to study the tulips and other famed flowers”), to the different courts and the continent. I refuse to accept that we will not get to learn more about the other courts, for my sake, but also for elain’s sake. I want her to see the spring court at least once. I want her to go and see those tulips she’s dreamt of. I want her and lucien to discover the day court as a new home, which brings me to the next point. 

elain has been craving sunshine for some time now. there’s several quotes that emphasise her connection to sunshine/light, here are a few of my favourites: 

I marveled at it, actually — that those years of poverty hadn‘t stripped away that light from elain.

the suite was filled with sunlight. every curtain shoved back as far as it could go, to let in as much sun as possible. as if any bit of darkness was abhorrent.

she had been always so full of light. perhaps that was why she now kept all the curtains open. to fill the void that existed where all of that light had once been. and now nothing remained.

what can I get you, elain? — sunshine.

elain doesn’t belong into the night court. feyre has found her family there, with rhys and the inner circle. nesta has found (or should I say accepted) cassian and found gwyn and emerie, her chosen sisters. but elain?

elain is somewhere in the background hiding with the twins and tending to gardens of the citizens of velaris. you can’t tell me that is satisfactory to you. she is currently ignoring her seer abilities, and the members of the inner circle are basically encouraging her to do so. the only time she’s been confronted lately was during that conversation with nesta and her reaction was not exactly what any of us readers would have expected, was it? that tells me there’s much more about her we don’t know yet, and I’m convinced we won’t know until she finally leaves and finds her own people, finds herself again and start dealing with everything that happened to her. elain must leave the night court, i.e. the darkness, behind in order to grow.

the same goes to lucien: he’s not at a place where he can just jump into a relationship or mating bond. he’s got so much stuff going on. lucien was forced to abandon his home and his abusive family, his “father” killed the fae he loved in front of his eyes, his best friend is an abusive pos who never appreciated him anyway, and neither has anyone in the night court. lucien is used because of his connections and because of the mating bond that ties him to elain, whether he wanted it or not. feyre knows he would never turn away from elain unless she explicitly wishes him to, and so she and rhys and the others use that to their advantage. it is smart, of course, but at the same time, they also keep important information about his own life from him that could change many, many things. so he’s spending his time with mortals in the human lands — a place where he as a fae really does not belong. 

lucien being the heir to the day court, well, to me, it feels like sjm is practically screaming it into our face: how could he find a home in the night court, the literal opposite to the day? darkness vs. light. and what about elain “he’d never once in the two years he’d known her found elain to be plain, but wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court … it sucked the life from her” archeron? just looking at the symbolism, not only do the quotes from above indicate that the night court cannot possibly be her home, but also very recent quotes from the latest book. elain is a side character in the night court. and so is lucien. they both need to leave in order to become main characters — and it doesn’t even matter that both are already crucial to the further plot of the series because how can they possibly contribute to it in a place where they are both kept down? 

mor said in acofas: “stay out of it. she’s not ready, and neither is he, no matter how many presents he brings.” and “let him figure out where he wants to be. who he wants to be. the same goes with her.” mor’s power is “truth”, whatever that means. but there you have it. they’re not ready to be with each other yet, and that’s okay. 

[elain and lucien are also connected not only because of the mating bond, but also because of the plot. lucien must know quite a lot about her and her sisters simply because of all the time he spent with their father. the father who made a bargain with koschei. koschei who put a spell on vassa. lucien is therefore tied to both papa archeron as well as koschei and vassa. elain, we know, is a seer, despite her not using her abilities (or is she, and we simply don’t know?). elain is (obviously) connected to her father, but also to koschei and vassa (remember those visions she had).]

now let’s get to the mating bond stuff, and I need to say this loud and clear: elain has always had and will always have one (1) true mate. there’s no such thing as “false mate” or even multiple mates. there has been no indication whatsoever. lucien is the mate the cauldron had given her when she was born. and elain is the mate the cauldron had given him when he was born. even when she was still human, they already belonged together — tied together by strings of fate. absolutely nothing will change this fact. should elain reject the bond, lucien will remain a part of her life/her soul forever. should lucien reject the bond, elain will remain a part of his life/his soul forever.

when she was still human, lucien had already felt a pull between them and tried to save and protect her from hybern. when elain was already fae, when it came to protecting her, azriel clapped cassian’s shoulder and left (is this the true mate they’re all talking about?). it’s unfair to lucien, elain, AND azriel and this comparison alone is enough to disprove this theory.

the thing is, lucien has been nothing but respectful, kind and caring towards elain. when he arrived in velaris in acowar, he could immediately sense what she needed and said, “she needs fresh air” (vs. the response “we’ll judge what she needs”) and “take her to the sea. take her to some garden. but get her out of this house for an hour or two.” (I’m gonna make another post about this because I have a few thoughts on this)

of course, she doesn’t owe him anything, but elain herself doesn’t wish to be treated like a child, she maybe she should start acting like an adult because although she doesn’t owe lucien an apology or explanation, she has to have a conversation with him, like two responsible adults. there is no way feyre or anyone in the inner circle hasn’t told her that she can reject the bond and move on with her life. but just like her powers, this is another thing she chooses to ignore. I’m not blaming her because I know she has to work through her trauma first and heal, but by the end of the series, she has to acknowledge that at least.

in acosf, elain says “I am not a child to be fought over” when they discuss the dread trove. I wonder what she would say about the fact azriel threatens to challenge lucien to the blood duel because of her? based on literally everything we know about lucien, I can say with certainty that he would not physically fight over elain. if she only had a conversation with him and told him to move on and leave her alone, lucien would do just that. he would leave her alone and try to move on as best as he could (which we know is difficult for males). but he would never act as entitled to her as to demand a blood duel and fight to death. it goes against his principles. 

to finish this off, sjm summing up everything I just said: