#anyway. brain go brrr
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#my brain is so Fucked .#i gotta . talk to my dad abt my stulid fucking ex.#bc . i have been Mostly bottling up how i feel as of late#like . idk i dont want his view n opinion but like . i kinda do at the same time .#like . idk if he'll get it but i think he'll . give me advice or sonethunf that i need bc he usually does .#instead of nust . tellibg me to gst over it or wtv like everyone else has#DAWG . anyway . my brain is just firing off realisations n i hate that i dont get to see my theraoist for another 2wks#n idk wjat they even are 5 sec later im high vut i am Crying n Sad#its . fun rlly#anyway. brain go brrr
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currently thinking about how tommy said that ctommy waking up underwater every day in exile was a metaphor for his mental health, and that the further and further out to sea he got and the further he was sinking the more deteriorated he became and eventually he would end up unable to resurface had they not done something about cdream.
currently thinking about how if ctommy couldn't resurface, he'd drown in his own thoughts, believing his friends and family all hated him. nobody would see the kid they once knew in him anymore. maybe he'd never be seen again at all.
currently thinking about how ctommy saw one anxious, forgetful enderman lad, roped him into a crime, and took 100% of the fall when they didn't get away with it. ctommy could have ignored the situation. he didnt have to go to ctubbo and say "it was just me, man". as cranboo said, he could have said it was all him. there was evidence it was him.
but i think that after everything, ctommy would still be unable to live with himself if it'd been cranboo in exile instead of him. on the surface, he's a child. a soldier and a veteran and a criminal, yes, but still a child.
but beneath that, he's learnt. he's decided he'd rather throw himself into trouble than let his friends go through any amount of suffering.
i think that if cranboo were to ask, "why did you do that?" ctommy would sigh, that familiar shaky sigh we all know, and he'd speak quietly in reply, "i know what some of those bastards are capable of. i'd rather go through all that than have you do it for me. plus, it wasn't your fault."
or maybe that's just me.
#my insane ramblings#Me seeing that one video of tommy explaining the Water Thing:#WRITE THIS SHIT DOWN#anyway heres some thoughts#i dont know what i mean by this#im literally just yapping about my silly smp#but i digress#the minecraft men are infecting my brain#minecraft brainworms#dsmp#i miss the dream smp#can you tell#idk im just going#“heehoo silly smp go brrr”#i cant think of anything else to add#so here#tommyinnit#dsmp tommy#dsmp lore#tommyinnit exile arc#dsmp exile arc
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showered, getting sleepy + entering chilling mode, and now 'm somehow fighting the urge to ramble + shitpost abt yandere santa, dilf ver. 🥴
#godnectar#nectar's rambling#dilf ver. bc all of my yan men gotta be hot ofc#and big#and pretty#I ain't writing about yan infant#but would surely do about a non-existent and old and bearded and sweet man 👌#anyways–#maybe this is just me and my brain going stupidly brrr#but meh#might do if I feel dumb dumb for Christmas#or sooner idk#gonna also search for some nice fanart to post after this#so this silly shitpost gets looked over and ignored or sum 🤙
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Mutual left this tag on one of my Fuuta analyses and yeah...
Part two of "Fuuta’s central theme is invasion of privacy and he has extreme anxiety over being watched, so it's interesting that we get to pick him apart and see all his worst, most private thoughts" :(
#milgram#fuuta kajiyama#i didnt want to be annoying with a tag but thank you trinipopkt for the original tag :3#ive never posted something like this so let me know if i need to tag anything#my writing brain may be struggling rn but you can bet im still over here drawing fuuta 😅👍#part one was the lil moodboard on main#this also had slight oc connections (my brain was going brrr having a scientist oc) but once again its general to the audience overall#plus i was really proud of the composition/posing/colors i switched to -- i was excited to share!!#it took me like 80 years to pick a composition/pose that worked asdfsadsg#and i had to redo all my coloring and shading because i wanted a more neutral sterile science look than what i originally had#anyway it wasnt my usual type of drawing so it was a lot of fun to see it come together!#i did the first version and my partner said it was mean (and against procedure) to keep him awake#but then the second version felt equally mean :(((( so in conclusion rip fuuta#he is my little bug and i am going to figure out what makes him tick
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missing whatever was happening with them on any podium, or any situation tbh
#cats bopping noses#kissing even!#never getting over the first one#lewis not waiting for seb to get down from the car for the hug#(not mentioning whatever that champagne pouring obscene situation that took place because brain goes brrr)#anyway going back to my wip goodbye#lewis hamilton#sebastian vettel#sewis#f1#abu dhabi gp 2010#jo.edit
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Some more Vashes as Howl Pendragon
(Pssst, you can get them as a sticker pack on Redbubble)
Edit: the stickers got taken down by Redbubble 🙄
#I still haven’t gotten him out of my system yet 😔💕#I’ve got one more Vash Howl sketch to get through and then i gotta actually focus on updating my OC refs but brain go brrr#Vash#Vash the stampede#trigun#trigun stampede#tristamp#trigun 98#Trigun maximum#trimax#tri max#trigun fan art#howl’s moving castle#chibi#anime#also I got the earrings right this time I think#anyways: HE’S SO BABYYYYY#also if you do happen to get the stickers: the small size will probably turn out hella blurry#just as a note. Redbubble stickers aren’t the best quality unfort and this is a little more detailed than their printers can handle p sure#MQ doodles
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have any of you seen id: invaded. have any of you seen id: invaded. have any of you seen id: invaded. have any of you seen id: invaded. have any of you seen id: invaded
show of all time
#pleasepleaseoleaseoleasepleasepleaseplease#the brian rot#it's the show ever and i made all my friends watch it and nobody on the interwebs has seen it#i have no profound thoughts about it i just rewatched the first couple episodes and went oughhh anime#this show makes my brain go brrr in a way nothing else has since#it got me into the mystery genre#but because the series is unfinished i am forced to rattle it around in my head with no answers forever#(but please please the main first arc is done but the manga. the manga. they told me nothing.#what are they gonna do with kiki. why is the situation what it is. the answer to the break broken mystery just poses more questions.)#anyway.#normal now.#i had a rough day and it's my comfort show (it is NOT comforting don't expect it to be comforting)#please watch id invaded#repetition#id invaded
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Testing out some new brushes with the second-year Best Boys™! Inumaki and Yuuta you two take up a large section of my brain.
Reference image is under the cut!
Drawn by Terumi Nishii, one of JJK's animators.
#i'm making things again!!!#and i'm finishing them!! and i'm happy with them!!#and taking advantage of this as long as it lasts#woohoo and yippee etc etc#anyways this fun i love playing with brushes and textures it makes my brain go brrr almost as much as these two guys do#inumaki toge#okkotsu yuuta#jjk#jujutsu kaisen#art from the ally
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Winter 2023 Anime Watchlist
Gokushufudou Season 2 - January 1
Bungou Stray Dogs 4th Season - January 4
Koori Zokusei Danshi to Cool na Douryou Joshi - January 4
Tomo-chan wa Onnanoko! - January 5
Spy Kyoushitsu - January 5
Oniichan wa Oshimai! - January 5
Revenger - January 5
Technoroid: Overmind - January 5
Sugar Apple Fairy Tale - January 6
NieR:Automata Ver1.1a - January 7
Buddy Daddies - January 7
UniteUp! - January 7
Otonari no Tenshi-sama ni Itsunomanika Dame Ningen ni Sareteita Ken - January 7
Endo and Kobayashi Live! The Latest on Tsundere Villainess Lieselotte - January 7
The Misfit of Demon King Academy II - January 8
Ijiranaide, Nagatoro-san 2nd Attack - January 8
Tokyo Revengers: Seiya Kessen-hen - January 8
Kyuuketsuki Sugu Shinu 2 - January 9
Mou Ippon! - January 9
Vinland Saga Season 2 - January 10
Mononogatari - January 10
Ayakashi Triangle - January 10
Kubo-san wa Mob wo Yurusanai - January 10
Ooyukiumi no Kaina - January 12
Hikari no Ou - January 14
Flaglia: Natsuyasumi no Monogatari - January 17
Shuumatsu no Walküre II - January 26
Sasaki to Miyano Movie: Sotsugyou-hen - February 17
Hirano to Kagiura - February 17
Blue Giant - February 17
Aggressive Retsuko (ONA) 5th Season - February
#as always my watchlist I am super behind but I like doing it either way <33#ill post my fall 2022 thoughts soon too#a bit late but I like keeping track of my thoughts.. also my 2022 anime recs once I catch up to some more#anyways!!! excited for some of these !!!! bsd brain goes brrR#also tokyo revengers guys we are getting the kazufuyu scene guys guys kokonui guys going mental#sasaki to piyano content too letsGOooO and aggretsukooo#tokyo revengers#buddy daddies also looks boMb I am so hyped#the misfit of demon king academy#nagatoro#vinland saga#bsd#Endo and Kobayashi Live! The Latest on Tsundere Villainess Lieselotte#Kubo-san wa Mob wo Yurusanai#Otonari no Tenshi-sama ni Itsunomanika Dame Ningen ni Sareteita Ken#nier#Spy Kyoushitsu#Tomo-chan wa Onnanoko!#Koori Zokusei Danshi to Cool na Douryou Joshi#Oniichan wa Oshimai!#Ayakashi Triangle#Buddy Daddies#Ooyukiumi no Kaina#Kyuuketsuki Sugu Shinu 2#Revenger#Mononogatari#Sugar Apple Fairy Tale#Hikari no Ou#Flaglia: Natsuyasumi no Monogatari#Gokushufudou Season 2
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Doodles while watching my dad play a game
#if you havent played twilight princess dont read the tags pls ty#last warning >:(#alright anyway#so i had to do diababa because he couldn't get the hang of the boomerang#i think it was giving him motion sickness which is completely fair#i hate the way it spins around the camera sometimes#he got really frustrated at the controls because he's not familiar enough with them to do quick events#like throwing bombs and whatnot#but he's starting to get the hang of z targeting which is what's most important#and he did the entire tutorial by himself#hell yeah dad#i got all the wolf parts bc he didnt wanna do them which is fine by me#i actually like the tear collection sequences now#it only took four seperate runs and me memorizing the tear locations for it to start growing on me the *teeensiest* bit#oh yeah this is a deltarune post#i like drawing ralsei#fluffy boy make brain go brrr#ralsei#deltarune
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is it time for me to add ritsu again or do I try my hand at
#writing the autistic king serizawa anyway#seeing one of my old hyperfixations spoken about has made my autism brain go brrr#I have to do some writing when I get home in a few hours but !!!#ray noises#ooc.
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Aces
Story Technicals:
-Synopsis: The Boys try to use their powers on you, to no avail. Little do they know, you are Ace.
-Written in second person for inclusivity of all kinds! :D
-Slightly excesssive use of italics because that's apparently how I write emphasis *vampiric shrug*
-Word Count: 3,768
-Also why is writing people flirting so. freaking. hard.
♠️Soapbox below intro, fic below soapbox&references. Please read the soapbox, it explains certain bits of the fic <3 and asexuality ♠️
(banners courtesy of cafekitsune!)
HI BEANS!!! Gods, this fic has been in the works for a hot minute. The idea came about and is fully credited to @checkitoutmikey! I love this idea and I really really r e a l l y wanted to do it justice. There's so much misunderstanding about asexuality and Aces that I wanted to clear the air a little via fic. (I find that sometimes it's easier to grasp a concept if it's written using characters you know!)
Alright. Soapbox time.
As an Ace (a person who identifies as asexual), I have based this on my own experiences, stories I have heard, and I have fact checked things I wasn't 100% on, such as the black ring—♠️Please let it be known that, according to this webpage, the black ace ring did not come about until 2005, but for the purposes of this fic, it felt like an important piece of information to include.♠️ This being said, this part of the fic is not time accurate. Sorry, Santa Carla. *another vampiric shrug*
I really poured my heart and soul into this fic. I want to spread awareness to those who may not know about asexuality. I was in high school when I found out that there was a word for what I was feeling. It was revolutionary to learn that there wasn't anything wrong with me. It was so, so freeing. If my words can be the medium that introduces someone out there to asexuality and lets them know that they're not broken, then this fic will have served its purpose. As a bonus, I’ll put a few resources below that I find exceptionally helpful for learning about asexuality (please feel free to reblog with more resources or, if you'd rather, you can DM me the sources so I can add them to the post!).
Okay, okay, I did play on the cake cliché (because, at least in my case, it's TRUE), but aside from that, I think I explained things pretty accurately and cliché-free. I know there’s a lot more information I could have included (see: dragons), but then I would be writing forever and this would never get posted and let's face it—we all need a dose of our gay 80s vampires in this year of 2024.
If you have someone who expresses their aceness to you, accept them and support them, for the love of cheese, crackers, and rock box tapes. Not experiencing/experiencing very little sexual attraction in a society that basically runs and prides itself on sex can be incredibly isolating and depressing. Disclosing this information to people takes a hel of a lot of energy, bravery, confidence, and trust. Allow us to disclose this information to the people we choose and DO NOT do the job of coming out for us. Not all of us want or can come out. Respect our boundaries and we'll remember the effort forever.
We are not broken. We are not faking it. We are valid and there is nothing wrong with us. You are not alone.
Resources:
♠️‘I Am Ace (Advice on Living Your Best Asexual Life)’ by Cody Daigle-Orians ($15-$20 on Amazon, around $10 on ThriftBooks)
THE BEST BOOK I HAVE EVER BOUGHT WITH MY ADULT MONEY. Essentially a handbook on everything (or almost everything) you've ever needed or wanted to know about asexuality. I think everyone needs to read this book at least once in their lives. It explains asexuality so thoroughly and concisely without being bitchy or conceited. Daigle-Orians shares his experiences throughout the book, and it was incredibly validating to know that I wasn't alone in some of these experiences.
He also touches on aromanticism! Cody Daigle-Orians has Instagram, YouTube, and a webpage: ♠️Instagram ♠️YouTube ♠️Webpage
♠️Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)
An absolute fount of knowledge about all things Asexuality (and occasionally Aromanticism!). Their Tumblr answers Asks semi-often, too! ♠️Website ♠️Tumblr
Trigger warnings (in order of appearance) ⚠️:
David smoking cigs
General cuss words
Being cat-called / harassed by Surf Nazis (the Boys protect you, don't worry)
Does kinda/sorta include a microaggression (‘don't know til u try it’ one)
Unwanted pet-name ("doll face")
Talk of David eating any future cat-callers
The Boys attempting to use powers of persuasion on you (Da-da-da, does not work)
The topic of consent/non-consensual sex coming up because the MC asks our undead idiots (/pos) if they understand the concept of consent (they do)
The MC being worried about the Boys thinking they're ‘broken’ (THIS ISN'T POSSIBLE BC ACES AREN'T BROKENNNNN)
Marko hitting the MC with the ‘plant’ microaggression bc bro is cute but he can be a little dense (it hurt to write, trust me, but idk. something in me felt like it was important to show the Ace's side of microaggressions, especially the ones that come from people who are genuinely trying to understand)
If I missed any warnings, please let me know! I always try to cover anything that could even be partially/potentially triggering, just in case!
WITH ALL THAT BEING SAID, HAPPY (belated) PRIDE MY DARLINGS AND MOTOR BABIES!!! ENJOY THE RIDE!!!!
🥳🥳🥳🥳
Combat boots. Grippy jeans. Band t-shirt. A flannel that barely hugged your hips since the knot was coming undone. You tightened it, flashing a wicked smile at your boys.
"Finally decided to show up," you sauntered up to the four, taking your time crossing the boardwalk.
"We've been waiting on you for 10 minutes." David exhaled cig smoke with each word.
"I know." You smirked. You rolled your eyes at his unrelenting glare—the glare you knew was fake because you knew this ringleader little vamp was secretly so so excited to see you—and pecked his cheek. "I got caught up in traffic."
"You ride a bike."
"Motorbike. And unlike some," you fussed with his coat, just to have an excuse to touch him. "I have to follow traffic laws. Can't have me dying on my way here, huh?" He brought the cigarette close to his mouth, but you pushed it away, planting a kiss on his warm, nicotine-tinted lips. You felt him tense, surprised, but soon relaxing into it. Pulling back, you took his face in your hands. Taking the kiss from him early was slightly amusing. "I'm sorry. It happens."
"C'mon, David! Don't hog the kisses!" Paul whined. You grinned, bouncing over and tackle-hugging Paul, pressing kisses all over his gleeful face.
"There's plenty, Paulie!" You relished in the sound of his giggles. His pale face grew colorful due to his bright smile. "So! What chaos are we committing tonight?" Your wicked little grin finally broke David's frown.
"Cotton candy, carousel," Marko matched your grin with his own. "Paul wants to check out the live music."
"The sax guy's back!"
"Jewelry store got a new shipment, too. Might swipe you somethin' nice." Dwayne purred into your ear, pulling you from Paul and to his chest. You shuddered at the sound and the feeling of his nose against your neck. You moved, grinning up at him and making a smile break across his face. "Hi, sweetheart."
"Hi," a giggle slipped from your throat. You felt yourself being yanked into another solid frame: multi-colored patches and blond curls. "Marko!" You could hear his grin laced within the Italian he muttered into your ear. He knew damn well you couldn't understand him, but he didn't care, and nor did you. You found it endlessly attractive.
"Let's go fuel up." He said. You nodded, allowing yourself to be pulled away by the hyper blond.
Waiting in line for funnel cakes, David and Dwayne watched in silent amusement as you and the terror twins kept pinballing off of each other's energy, talking about which rides to go on before the live music. Finally retrieving 5 of the fried treats, you parked yourselves on a railing, chowing down and laughing over nothing.
"I can not finish this. One of you want it?" You held out the plate. David—still licking the powdered sugar from his fingers—held out his free hand, demanding the plate. "You just barely finished yours, David." Again, his hand beckoned the plate forward—the stoic vampire equivalent of grabby hands.
"David fuckin' loves funnel cake. Don't try to stop him." Paul snickered. Now satisfyingly snackless, you stood and stretched, popping your neck and scaring the shit out of Marko. A whistle interrupted his retort.
"Hey, baby, come over here!" Surf Nazis. "We got better snacks than those boys do!" Gyration followed by loud cackling. You rolled your eyes, perching next to Marko.
"Pricks." You huffed. You moved your foot, heel pressed into Dwayne's shoulder to stop him from standing. "Leave it alone. They'll get bored."
But they didn't get bored. Instead, the gaggle of Surf Nazis made their way over. Your silent seething held your vampires in place. You ignored the group until they spoke.
"Why don't you come spend some time with real men?" The ringleader tried to slide close. You put a foot up against his chest, stopping him.
"I know how I like my men, and honey, you're not done cooking." Your voice was ice, eyes boring holes into his skull. Snort from Paul. The other Surf Nazis chittered.
"How do you know if you've never tried?" The ringleader wouldn't give in.
"I don't need to drink poison to know the taste will be bitter." That wiped the smirk from his face. You pushed him away, dropping your foot and staring him down. He, once again, tried to come onto you.
"Look." You stood. "See this ring? It means I'm a member of the Black Ring Society. We have a very specific set of qualifications that allow us entry. These qualifications make us immune to mortals' pathetic attempts at enticing us with their corporeal form, such as the pitiful display you're putting on now." David choked on his drink, trying not to laugh. The Surf Nazis all looked dumbfounded.
"W-What?"
"I don't wanna ride your dick. Go away."
At this, Dwayne stood. Your cleverness was clearly wasted on these idiots. The other three stood around you as well, prepared to pounce while simultaneously providing a silent, yet protective, barrier.
"This isn't a fight you want to start tonight." Dwayne growled. You heard Marko popping his knuckles for effect, ready to knock the lights out of whoever approached him first.
"You don't know what we want." A lower Surf Nazi got stopped by a higher up.
"Yes we do, and you're not getti-"
"I'm not a piece of meat. I said no." You raised your voice, cutting Paul off. "If you and your cohorts don't leave, I will call for the boardwalk officer." You knew the officer wouldn't be pleased to see you and the boys either, but the Surf Nazis loved their beach time too much to risk it.
"Watch your back, doll face." Defeated, the ringleader sauntered off, his crew following behind. You huffed, leaning against the railing again.
"You okay?" Marko looked at you. You shrugged.
"Let's go ride some rides."
Several rides into the night, your mood had improved considerably. Paul practically ripped your arm from its socket dragging you to the music stage. Settled in a sandy little corner near a fire bin, you waited impatiently, but your thought process was interrupted by an arm snaking around your waist.
"Feeling better, darling?" David.
"Yeah. I get shit like that all the time." You shrugged, leaning into his embrace. "Don't worry. Nothin's happened."
"If it does, I'll murder them and eat the entrails." He promised, an unlit cig perched at his lips. You took it before he could light it. Confusion rippled over his pretty features. You hated when he frowned.
"Wait this once? The smells out here are a lot right now." At your unintentional puppy face, David couldn't find himself able to say no. He slid the nic-stick back into the carton, contenting himself with holding you close. Despite the bodies and fire nearby, there was a distinct chill in the air. You burrowed into David, wrapping yourself in his coat. He chuckled, moving you in front of him and cocooning you in the extra fabric. Now warm, you grinned, burying your face in it. Hints of cig smoke, mints, and pilfered cologne reached your nose, soothing the overworked sense.
"If you wanna be so close, why don't we go back to the cave? I'll keep you warm, kitten." His voice was low and gravelly. He pressed a tiny kiss to your ear, smirking. "You're so sweet, I could eat you up like a funnel cake." With that, he nipped your ear. You laughed, but frowned. He was puzzled to see confusion on your face.
"We came for the music, though. Why would we go back to the cave?" You looked at his dumbfounded face, lost. You didn't have a lot of time to dwell on this thought because the crowd of people around you erupted. The music was starting.
****
An hour set! It was amazing. You danced with the four respectively, the music fueling your soul in a way that funnel cake couldn't. Paul was so giddy and happy he got to see "sax guy" again.
"C'mere, peaches." He twirled you to him, catching you in his arms. His nose brushed yours, mischief in his eyes. "I prolly got some dance moves left that you've not seen."
"Is that so?" You laughed. "I think I saw them all on the dance floor." You broke free of his grip, moving to cooler air. Dancing had replaced all chills with sweat. To your astonishment, Paul looked dumbfounded as well, glancing at Marko and David. "What do you boys wanna do now?"
"I can think of a couple things." Marko purred, grabbing your hips and pulling you into him. "You look so good in those jeans, baby. I'd love to draw your pretty curves in 'em." His forehead to yours, you got lost in his eyes for a moment. He tightened the flannel at your middle, hand traipsing up your side a bit, but you grabbed it, seamlessly sliding out of his grip, giggling. You were riding a concert high, eyes sparkling. Marko looked surprised, but Dwayne took your hand.
"How 'bout a milkshake?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Sounds delectable!" You grinned. It had been too long since you had had a milkshake. The other three looked positively shocked. You giggled, sliding up to David. You hooked his chin with your finger, closing his pretty mouth. "You look like a bunny when your mouth hangs open like that, luvvie. Keep it up, and I'll kiss your little teeth." David blinked, looking at you. He smiled now, moving to peck the appendage at his chin.
"You heard 'em, boys. Milkshakes await," he raised an eyebrow, taking your hand. You laughed, moving back over to Dwayne and letting him drape an arm around you as you walked.
The small diner was crowded, but thinning out. Four of you slid into a booth, Paul taking the odd seat at the end of the table. The waiter was clearly overwhelmed when they came up to you, but you assured them that you were in no hurry.
"You're doing great," you smiled. They relaxed a bit, smiling. They looked close to tears.
"What can I get ya?"
You ordered the milkshakes with ease, laying dramatically on Dwayne as you waited. He rolled his eyes, but moved his arm to support your weight. Marko and Paul bounced off your energy, but overall, the four just seemed… confused. In an attempt to combat their frowns, you reached up and squished Dwayne's stoic face in your hand, making him smile. He moved your hand, wrinkling his nose up at you. You tried to grab his pouty little face again, but he pretended to bite at your hand, making you laugh outright.
"Okay!" You sat up.
"Silly little pretty one." He teased, pressing a kiss to your head. Your heart melted, beating twice as fast. "If you want a kiss, just ask."
"Maybe I will," you grinned mischievously. He rolled his eyes dramatically.
"Here ya go!" The waiter passed them out. "Enjoy!"
"Thank you!" You answered for the boys, who were already sipping on the sweet drinks. You caught David's eye, giggling slightly.
"What?"
"Chocoholic." You accused. He kicked your foot lightly under the table, biting back a grin.
"As opposed to… what did you get?" He frowned at the sprinkles on top of your shake.
"Birthday cake," you unsheathed your straw, taking a huge sip. The vampiric grabby hands returned. You couldn't save your drink from him as a brain freeze settled behind your eyes. It thawed out just in time to see David's face wrinkle up.
"No." He slid it back to you, shaking his head. You laughed.
"Chocoholic."
"Cake fanatic."
"Thank you!" You fake gasped. He pretended to ignore you.
"Maybe once we're done here, I can show y-" Marko shoved a napkin in Paul's mouth, cutting him off.
"Do not ruin their cake obsession." He quipped, ignoring the coughing fit he sent his brother into. Once it passed, you looked at the rocker.
"What were you saying?" He squirmed slightly under the glares of the others.
"Just askin' if you wanted to go to the cave, peaches." He stirred his milkshake around sheepishly, not looking up from the sweet confection. You frowned.
"What is it with the cave tonight?" You pressed. "You all have been dying to spend tonight on the boardwalk, but you keep trying to get back there." You frowned at your milkshake now, upset by the confusing conversations scattered throughout the night. Dwayne nudged your arm, getting your attention.
"You know about our.. specific dietary tastes, right?" He started. You nodded. "And that we have… certain… qualities?"
"Well, yeah." You had no idea where this was going. You were in public. They could get caught talking about bloodthirst and powers out in the open. "I saw David make a Surf Nazi eat a slushie covered pretzel from the trash last week." The vamp in question snickered at this, half-hiding his face in his treat.
"That skill set in particular, persuasion.." Dwayne was trailing off a lot and it was kind of irritating. You huffed. He got the message. "It includes relationship things. Partner things." He brushed your hair from your face.
"What do you mean?" You weren't getting it.
"We've been flirting all night." David said flatly. Dwayne scoffed at him, a 'really?' look on his face. "What was it you said? ‘Enticement of the corporeal form?’" Heat flooded your face as you fidgeted with your straw, staring at the treat.
They were hitting on you.
"So the cave… you wanted.. alone time." The idea repulsed you. You were all massive flirts, but the thought of that made your stomach flip. The milkshake in front of you no longer sounded appealing. "If this has all just been a game for you four to inevitably get in my pants and then eat me-"
"Relax." Marko stopped your words. "If that were the case, we'd have done it by now. We love you for you, baby." His bluntness took you aback, but you noted the gentleness in his voice. You still squirmed at the idea.
"So… what? You've been trying to make me… have sex with you?" The word was revolting. You hated the taste.
"I was teasing. At the music, when you were wrapped up in my coat. I had no intention, really, but it didn't work on you." David explained.
"You used your powers on me???" You hissed. He nodded curtly, earning him a violent kick to the shin. He visibly winced, nearly spilling his milkshake.
"They didn't work!" He hissed right back. "All of us tried it."
"All of you?" Rage settled in your veins. David biting your ear. Paul's 'dance moves.' Marko's comment about your jeans. It all made so much more sense.
"We weren't going to go through with it!" Paul insisted. "Really. The only reason we did it was to try to figure out why they aren't working on you." His puppy eyes ripped at you, but you ignored him.
"They didn't work?" You raised an eyebrow.
"Mine did, but it didn't take much to convince you to get a milkshake." Dwayne piped up. He sipped on his drink lightly, clearly enjoying that he wasn't in the kill zone.
"Don't think you're safe." His smirk dropped. "What the hel makes you think I want to have sex?” You pointed this question at the ringleader, staring him down as he rubbed at his shin.
"You're so fuckin flirty, peaches! We all just.. sorta assumed-" you smacked the back of Paul's head.
"Idiots. Just because you're not sick doesn't mean you can't joke about it." You stood, taking your milkshake to the counter and getting a to-go cup. You paid and left, sitting beachside as you finished your treat. It was quite a while until the boys found you. When they approached, you didn't acknowledge them.
“Can we sit?” David asked. You noted the slight embarrassment behind his voice, but nodded. The four perched in the sand, antsy and guilty looking. Simply put, they looked like drenched little bats—upset and shivering under your cold gaze.
“We're sorry, peaches.” Paul actually had tears in his eyes, bless his undead little heart. “We should've been honest with you.”
“We were mostly confused why they weren't working, and you ended up being the guinea pig.” Marko added. “They always work on Surf Nazis and nosy adults and annoying eight-year-olds, but not on you. Not… not for that.” You tensed.
“Which is still the most appalling, downright nasty thing any creature could ever do! Have you even heard of consent?”
“We have! We know, peaches!”
“Trust us, Max drilled that into our heads way before we turned.” David said quietly. “We shouldn't have used our powers on you, kitten.” David apologizing. That was one for the history books. That didn't excuse anything though.
“Don't do it again or I swear-”
“We swear.” Dwayne cut you off before your voice got louder than the waves. “On jaguars and funnel cake and the rock box and pigeons.” He held out a pinky. You looked over all four of them; genuine regret poured from their vibes, heavy and thick and sludgy. You turned away from Dwayne, looking instead at the ocean.
“I want to know why.” Your voice was icier than David's irises.
“We told you, we don't know.” Dwayne sighed. “It worked when you wanted to learn to skate but were too scared to initiate. Which is the only time we've done it outside this!” He added quickly, recoiling under your glare.
“Yeah, I remember. It was ‘cuz I told you to. I knew I was too much of a wuss and didn't wanna back out.” You relented. You listened to the waves for a few minutes, the five of you thinking.
“Babe, what was that thing you said to that Surf Nazi earlier?” Marko asked. You frowned.
“Uhm.. oh, that. It's a long-winded and overly clever way of explaining my ring.” He still looked confused. “I was telling them that they couldn't seduce me with their bodies because that type of thing doesn't interest me.”
“What does that mean?” Dwayne asked slowly. “You don't.. you don't feel attraction?” You were about to be mad, but the genuine curiosity and want to understand on his face calmed the wave of rage down to a small ripple.
“Not sexual attraction, no.” You said. David looked bewildered, to say the least. You laughed lightly, your grin confusing them more. “I'm asexual.”
“Asexual? Like plan-”
“You idiot, of course not!” You kicked Marko. “It means a person who experiences very little or no sexual attraction. In my case, I experience none. The entire concept of sex feels too… vulnerable and invasive. So for me, I'm sex repulsed. The entire notion makes me anxious and nauseous.”
“So what about... romantic attraction?” David piped up. “You aren't just playing us, are you?” He almost looked hurt. The wall you put up softened a little.
“Boys.” You smiled weakly. They were truly trying to understand, they just didn't have the information to do so. “Of course not. Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are very different. You can still want the romance without the sex. The lack of romantic attraction is called being aromantic. You can be aro/ace—which is just lingo for aromantic and asexual respectively—or you can be one or the other. Or neither. That's also an option.” They chuckled.
“So you're still with us?” You smiled at Paul's sheepishness.
“I'm still your partner, yes.” You said. The air got less tense. “Did that answer your questions?”
“Most of ‘em.” Marko said. He was still rubbing his arm. “Still doesn't explain the persuasion not working.” You thought about this for a moment, fidgeting with your flannel.
“You were trying to convince me to.. have sex with you, right?” Your stomach flipped at the idea. Color rushed to their translucent faces, but they nodded. It clicked. You grinned. “I think it didn't work because you can't make someone feel something they aren't hardwired to feel. The idea wouldn't stick because I don't feel that attraction.” Realization flooded the air. The vibe lightened.
“What about the ring?”
“It's a symbol for asexuality, a way for us to show our pride in public in a quiet way. A way for other aces to see and recognize each other. A black ring on your right middle finger. For aromantics, it's the same concept, but a white ring on your left middle finger.” They nodded, small smiles on their faces. A thought tugged at your brain, making your confidence and smile drain right out of you. What if you messed things up by explaining? The boys must think you're weird or pining for attention.
“You don't think of me differently now, do you?”
“How do you mean?” David asked.
“Just.. thinking I'm weird… or confused... or broken.” You looked down, embarrassed and afraid. Their silence was deafening. It would be easier to deal with if they just started yell-
“Of course not, peaches.” Paul's voice left no room for argument. “We don't think you're broken or weird. You just experience the world a little differently, and that's okay.” Your head shot up, looking at him. The other three nodded. A weight left your chest, forcing air into your lungs as your brain forgot how to breathe. They didn't think you were broken. They didn't think you were weird or looking for attention or confused. They saw you for you. Pressure pooled behind your eyes, blurring your vision before a blink sent the warm water down your face.
“You mean it?” Your voice shook and you hated it. The four looked stricken with worry and a deep sense of care.
“Of course we mean it, darling. We love you for you.”
“Thank you for trusting us with this. We know coming out can be hard, but it means a lot that you explained it to us.”
“We won't tell anyone, promise. That's information that is yours to disclose to whomever you choose.”
“We're still here for you, darling, that hasn't changed.”
******
It had been a few weeks since you had explained asexuality to your protective vampires. True to their word, nothing changed, and that small but incomparable fact made your heart soar. For the first time in a long time, you felt validated. You felt seen. You felt accepted.
Your pride grew even more when you noticed Paul start to wear a black ring on his right middle finger. From then on, you were a bit more loud and proud about your aceness.
#the lost boys#tlb david#tlb paul#tlb dwayne#tlb marko#the lost boys 1987#the lost boys movie#asexuality#ace#ace MC#fic request#my fic#dum lil vampire movie makes brain go BRRR#genuinely i am so proud of this fic and all the research that went into it#i hope this goes on to help luvvies understand asexuality a bit more and spread awareness and respect#lgbtqia#meant to post this during pride month#oops#my bad y'all#anyways#heres some gay vampites in our year of 2024#love yall#peace :*#poly!tlb#human mc
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every time i draw i always dread lining, so i usually don't, i just refine the sketch and slap colors on it. but then when i actually suck it up and bring myself to line something cleanly, its never actually as bad as i think it is and i always love how it ends up looking
#mae rambles#idk im thinking thoughts. i lined something cleanly last night and it made my brain go brrr when i finished the piece#so ig the takeaway is... do it anyways?#shrug
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tell me about the wip selfish. idk if I'm not in the fandom I wanna know everything
(you tagged a fucked up post with it so now I'm so so curious)
hehe HIII Kate 🥰
yeah it's a bungo stray dogs fic but I can and will still tell you about it :)
its. hm. best way to explain it....
i guess it's a canon divergence AU where Dazai makes a deal with Mori before he meets Chuuya, where if Dazai can find someone that Mori is more interested in him, then he'll take them on as his second and leave Dazai under Kouyou's command instead. and then Dazai finds Chuuya and drags him to Mori's attention, before eventually realizing "hey wait, no, actually Chuuya makes me feel things I've never felt before, I dont want him to suffer under Mori, he'll ruin his humanity" except it's too late by that point. so when Chuuya and Dazai properly join the Port Mafia, their positions are switched from canon with Chuuya working under Mori and Dazai working under Kouyou.
the fucked up part of it being Mori's treatment of Chuuya, largely, from SA to experimenting on him, and then also Chuuya and Dazai's relationship being all sorts of toxic and fucked up as well, bc Dazai has guilt for putting Chuuya in that position and Chuuya knows it's Dazai's fault. but Chuuya also refuses to switch them back bc he wants to protect Dazai from Mori since he knows what it's like. and Dazai wants to get close to Chuuya to help him out of guilt but doesn't know how to do that in a healthy way, and Chuuya wants to keep Dazai away from him for protection and will do anything he can to make that happen.
and then looking at their future where Dazai is in a better place bc he left the mafia, but he left Chuuya without even the meager support he had been providing before, which puts Chuuya in a worse position than he had been in. and trying to explore Dazai wanting again to help Chuuya and Chuuya again wanting to just protect Dazai. and figuring out how to get Chuuya out of the Mafia, and then the aftermath of that + his trauma and history.
and its name coming from the selfishness Dazai portrays throughout the whole story. from his original deal with Mori, to let someone else suffer in his place. to him trying to get close to Chuuya out of the guilt of putting him in that position in the first place. and then 4 years later, him doing everything to "save" Chuuya to ease his own conscious for having left him behind, without ever stopping to actually ask Chuuya if that WOULD help him at this point. or even WHAT could help him.
and. yeah. it will easily be the darkest thing I've ever written when I do finally start writing it. and that's also kind of the point of it. to explore a darker version of Chuuya, and more toxic version of skk, and a version of Dazai that isn't AS heavily influenced by Mori.
#it makes my brain go brrr.#its also just. my cup of tea as someone who likes to read a lot of angsty and dark fic#which is so funny considering i usually just write like. fluff. hurt/comfort at the worst.#but YEAH that's it that's the plot#wip: selfish#bsd#skk#this is also the fic i think i mentioned somewhere once#where i will be intentionally making mori the bad guy but i WILL be making a disclaimer at the start#saying that no i don't think mori is actually like this i don't think he did anything like this in canon#the only reason he's doing it in this fic is bc i went 'wouldn't it be fucked up if he did?' and then decided to figure out how#fucked up i could make it#anyway#thank you for asking about it kate im jsjsjjvjsjjsjfhs#i do want it to have a happy ending though. MAYBE bittersweet at the worst.#askers#kevin-day-is-bi#shh ac
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bondage is awesome shoutout to my best friend bondage
#sorry im kinkposting so much today. guess what i was up to#no don't perceive me#anyway#im just so !!!! brain go brrr#dreamy talks
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