#anyway. anyway what i am saying is why try to read romance into everything its so awful being friends with other wlw and having to

[cecilysass]

Mulder’s Depressed Vampire Sex: Me on 3

You know, I like the episode 3. I mean, not the casefile part of 3, which is whatever whatever, but the important part: the blood fetishist lady has her way with Mulder and then he cries.

I definitely loathed the episode back when the show was airing. Back then it seemed like it was intentionally hostile to the ship—like going out of its way to be hostile, having Kristen tell Mulder shit like “I can tell you’re missing someone, but attention please: just a friend. Definitely not more!!!” I honestly kind of felt like she was looking out of the screen directly at me when she said it.

But looking back, knowing that MSR was endgame (and that fans kinda took over the narrative anyway), I definitely see the episode totally differently.

From a Mulder character arc point of view, this episode is all about him being a sad, sad boy. It is all about his depression, his hopelessness, his grief for Scully. It’s also about his drive to try to save women and girls in order to save himself. And he so often seems to fail at this when it is someone he cares about (or even when it is someone he has a fleeting connection with, like Kristen). And that’s so, so devastating for him. In that sense, this episode is a really desperate expression of his grief and frustration.

The HIV/AIDS angle to this ep is super important, too, so we have to make sure we’re getting into the full 1994 mindset on this. Mulder says in alarm to Kristen back in the club, when she’s playing fast and loose with blood: “AIDS. Aren’t you afraid?” (To which she responds that she wants to die.) Mulder knows that HIV transmission through sharing fluids is no joke in 1994 (it probably really shouldn’t be now either, but that’s not today’s lecture). Yet later, when Kristen is shaving him and he’s nicked, he allows this to be the catalyst for sex, even as he makes attempts to stop her from tasting his blood.

So his choice to have sex with Kristen is depicted as reckless, with someone who has been shown being careless about HIV. And he is doing it not just because he is turned on, but because he is being intentionally reckless with himself, clearly knowing the consequences. He shows concern for her, yes, but he’s also self destructive. He wants to fuck the hot vampire, but he also wants to fuck with death.

In other words, there’s a difference between what the episode tells us about Mulder’s relationship to Scully and what it shows us. And what the episode shows us about their relationship is that Scully is central enough in his life that everything is fundamentally affected by her abduction. He’s broken. He’s visibly depressed. He makes decisions that risk his job and his life. All the while he is actually choosing to wear her cross: a symbol that traditionally wards off vampires, as Kristen observes, but also keeps Scully’s presence in his mind constantly and in every frame of the episode he's in. And the episode ends with him looking like a hero in a romance novel mournfully casting his eyes to the hills clutching her cross in his hand.

None of this obviously communicates “I miss my work friend,” right? No objective observer would see this and say, “ah, he clearly is missing someone—most likely a friend, I would say.” But probably that’s exactly why they included Kristen’s “just a friend” line. They knew his grief in this episode was reading very powerfully, and they didn’t want it to seem overtly romantic.

I also feel like it’s kind of significant that the only time we actually see Mulder have confirmed sex with someone (besides Scully later) is when he’s depressed and Scully is gone. Linking his grief for Scully to his very-rarely-seen acting out on sexual desire like this also seems kind of psychologically sus to me, but I don’t know, I read a lot of fanfic.

Speaking of which, I did a little fanfic search for 3. And unless I am missing obvious fics (always a possibility), it was kind of difficult. Partly because this is a stupidly hard episode to look in search engines for. (No one should ever name episodes after numbers, although this one I will forgive because it’s from 1994 and they couldn’t have fully understood about Google and AO3.)

But also I just think there hasn’t been a ton of 3 fanfic, probably because this episode isn’t very well-liked. And listen, I get that Scully isn’t in it, which is often unappealing for writers, and there is Mulder/other, which people don’t like. But I feel like there are a lot of possibilities for story ideas here that don’t necessarily take place during the events of the episode. Like: how does it affect them later? Personally I like fics where Mulder and Scully discuss the events of the episode long after (actually I wrote one, which I included in my recs because I’m not that cool). I also think Mulder’s angst and depression has a lot of ways it could go—not to mention it’s the last canonically confirmed time he has sex before like 2000 or something. And it seems like AU takes on what happened to Kristen could be interesting. So what I'm saying is: maybe try writing 3 fics.

3 Fanfic Recs

Three is a Crowd - wendelah1 Mulder has sex with Kristen but can’t stop thinking of Scully.

Analgesic- settledownfrohike Mulder has sex with Kristen but can’t stop being a self-loathing, self-destructive mess. And thinking of Scully.

The Woman In His Heart - Spangle This shorter piece frames Mulder’s time with Kristen as a revelation about his feelings. Angsty and nicely observed. A 2005 Spooky winner, evidently.

False Dawn - emmbright A sharply etched portrait of how Mulder moves through his life between 3 and One Breath. For me this fills in the blanks perfectly.

Dreams - Characteristically_Exuberant This is actually a (great) post-ep for Field Trip, and the events of 3 aren’t the main focus of the fic. But I like how this author discusses what happened with Mulder in that episode and contextualizes it for both agents.

We’re Not Here To Get Involved In Personal Problems - cecily_sass This is mine, also not really a 3 post-ep; it’s an X-Cops post-ep. I feel a little silly including it. But I had them discuss the events of 3 in this fic in a way that sort of lays out my own thesis of the episode, and I thought, hey, it’s my list. Mulder and Scully walk to a gas station in Willow Park in Los Angeles the morning after X-Cops; they discuss plenty.

Any others? I feel like I probably missed some.

[sundaycentric]

JING YUAN AND NEUV!!!!!

(I too am down horrendous for them)

(seperate) neuvillette & jing yuan x reader

content ★ headcanons, NOT PROOF READ!!, sfw, fluff

note ★ SO REAL!! i love them both sm its unreal.. anyways im just going to do some basic headcanons and drabbles bc im abt to go to a dance and i need something quick to post.. other requesters i am working on your stuff!!

NEUVILLETTE ★

He has no idea what it's like to be in a relationship. He has no experience whatsoever, besides for the in occasional movies Lady Furina will force him to watch with her.

Neuvillette isn't that dumb to take the movies as reality, though. So, he ends up just being a mess.

Before you start dating, Neuvillette will try to his best to hide his feelings. He often times pushes you away, but the sky darkens not soon after. He feels torn.

Neuvillette doesn't even understand his own emotions. He can barely process what he feels, let alone name it. He's confused and worried. He thinks it's love, but what if he isn't? He's never felt love to know what it's like.

It'd take some time for him to start working through his feelings. However, he still keeps his distance. He tries not to make it obvious he is avoiding you, but someone sees through him easily.

It doesn't take long for Lady Furina to find out what's happening, especially considering how observant she is to drama. She'll pester Neuvillette about it a bit, laughing at his reactions. Neuvillette tries to appear indifferent, but the sky's definitely different from what it was before.

For all her teasing, Lady Furina does genuinely care about Neuvillette (and you). She will offer some advice to Neuvillette, even though her experience in romance is just as limited as his. At least Lady Furina can work out her emotions, though.

Gradually, Neuvillette accepts your presence and allows him to take pleasure in it. A month ago, he was doing everything to stay out of your way, but now is he practically near you every time he can be.

He tries not to talk to you too much, though. He gets flustered. Although you might not be able to see it on his face, you might notice the sky becoming brighter—way brighter than normal when you talk to him.

He will never confess first. Well, unless he felt like he had to to avoid loosing you. Other that that scenario, though, he will keep quiet until you say something

Once you do say something and confess your feelings to him, Neuvillette will be so happy. His face might be a little smile, but there is no rain for entire week and lot's of people are getting sunburnt..

He will try his best to keep you happy. Neuvillette is very big on communication since he doesn't always understand what you feel. He does try though.

Neuvillette still doesn't talk much about himself. Instead, he prefers to listen to you. Even the small, mundane things you did during your day put a smile on his face.

Overall, he is very kind and considerate. Maybe even too much. He's scared of hurting you or pushing you away because of how he is. That hasn't happened yet, though. :)

JING YUAN ★

He definitely knows what he is doing. He's had some experience in the past, both watching and doing. Although, it is different when it comes to you.

Jing Yuan took interest in you. He was curious. Why? He doesn't know himself. He just likes you presence. You remind him of his finches, maybe even lion sometimes.

He learns as much as he can about you without being seen as creepy. He'll pay attention attention to you at events or when he is in public. When he catches you staring at him, he feels warm.

Eventually, he begins to come up to you. Jing Yuan prefers to take things slow, and really wants to come up with some sort of strategy to win your heart. It's a bit hard, though. He doesn't want to manipulate you, you aren't his enemy.

Jing Yuan tries to keep things in his control, both so he can spend as much time with you possible and just because he likes it. He will pay for your lunches, buy you things you like, pay for your trips. Jing Yuan has enough money, and he is willing to spend it all if you ask for it.

He'll slowly try to become closer with you. He doesn't want to push you away. After all, Jing Yuan has all the time in the world to wait for you. He only hopes you'll actually go to him.

Jing Yuan seems more unfocused at work now. He is usually not paying attention anyways (as he is sleeping), but it's becoming a bit worse now. Lady Fu catches on quick and reprimands him.

Jing Yuan, in his tired state, tries to excuse himself before Lady Fu gets angrier. He ends up slipping and saying your name. The two of them stare at each other before Fu Xuan starts scolding him again.

Fu Xuan is mad at Jing Yuan, yes, but she cannot deny that she cares about Jing Yuan. So, she might peek into the future to see if the two of you are together. She refuses to tell Jing Yuan what she sees, but she smiles as soon as he leaves.

Jing Yuan may be first to confess. He is fine with either. In the case that he confesses, he'll laugh at the way your face lights up. If you confess first, he'll find it funny how you seem a bit unsure of yourself.

He will reassure you with a kiss on the cheek before telling you that he loves you. Jing Yuan will hug you tightly while he sleeps and take care of anything you need.

He is like a teddy bear. :)

He is attentive, and he always knows what you're feeling. He might tease you sometimes, but he is ultimately very sweet and protective over you.

Yanqing definitely looks up to you as another parental figure. Good luck with that.

Overall, very nice to sleep on. He'll take care of everything he can for you and treat you like a precious gem.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Peaceful property is a bl even if it's not. It's also about so many other things although not really delivering on a consistent message.

I thought about adding my thoughts to this thread but it was getting long and I started to get sidetracked so I decided to just make my own post about it and share my thoughts on it. @lurkingshan @bengiyo and @twig-tea all made good point about why this show is faltering with its own themes, and @respectthepetty made a compelling argument that the show knows what its doing.

I think no one is wrong and I land somewhere in the middle with it. As in, depending on what I choose to care about. Much like @respectthepetty, I am bias about this show. For different reasons tho. I like Tay and New a lot so I lead with that instead of my critical thinking. just as a personal aside, I tend to do this when my brain and heart don't align. I ignore when my brain tells me that the show is doing something wrong so that I can enjoy the rest. This works particularly well with QL for some reason. I am after all a person who liked Dangerous Romance even when my brain kept trying to damper my enjoyment with logic. And also sometimes I'm a hypocrite and there's no reason for why I like a show and not another. Ok, there's usually a reason but it's most often not a good one, or a rational one at least. That's just how it is.

Anyway. Because of all the excellent points made by that post I decided to fully engage my brain and I've been thinking about what this show is trying to say and I agree that unfinished business is the main thing in the ghost stories but I would have to shut off my brain completely to not see how class factors into all of it as well.

The ghosts up until now, except the chef, were all lower class and one can argue that it played a part in how they died or what happened after. I'm not including episode 7 for reasons that I will explain in a bit. Even if Ride's unfinished business was about love, the fact that he was the only rider doing deliveries in the rain, at least to me, read as he was driven by the need to make money in the first place. Even in the chef's case, the customer that Peach basically poisoned was rich and it was a part of the headlines about it and the reason for the restaurant getting shut down. Also most of the individual stories didn't get deep into these issues, case of the week usual issues, but it was always an underlying theme. Also as @twig-tea said all the parallels work even better because this disparity also exists between Home and Peach.

All this gets me to how I started this post. This is a bl even if it isn't. The choice to include the tragic bl storyline in the middle of this, in my own brain, can only be explained if I believe this is a bl. (The tragic bit was thematically consistent with this show.) Specifically a gmmtv bl. Cause ultimately they have a tendency to forsake narrative consistency if it stops serving the main romance. It's also the only way I can explain having a bl pair mirroring the other bl pair on screen. So in that way it's consistent with gmmtv. Just brush aside anything that can get in the way of the couple not having a happy ending. This is also how I explain my biggest issue with it. Pangpang. She's the shipper. She's been the shipper from basically the start.

Home basically killed her brother, why would she be the driving force in getting him forgiven? Because of my previously admitted bias, I forgave Home almost immediately. It's New and he didn't mean it, it was an accident and he wanted to call for help and do the right thing but his family interfered and.... I could come up with a lot of reasons because I want to forgive him. So everything else can be ignored. But all this obviously doesn't apply to Pang. So it can only be the bl in the not a bl show.

Now, on full brainy mode, this last episode makes no sense with everything else this show has been saying until now. They used a branded pair to ignore any class disparity between our mains, since the last ghost story didn't really parallel that, and over the forgiveness part, and jump straight into Peach has forgiven Home and will probably now become his saviour. Don't even get me started on the fact that Peach is still broke but saving the rich dude that turned his life to crap will be the most important thing right now. I wonder if gmmtv has ever ignored class disparity between a main couple and instead focused on the richer dude's drama while ignoring the struggle of the other one, all in favour of the main romance and lovey dovey moments 🤔. But I guess I'll reserve full judgement on that until the next episode.

yeah, so basically this is where I am at with this show. My two sides are fighting but come next wednesday my brain will take the back seat for 45 minutes so I can enjoy Tay and New and after that maybe I'll think about it some more.

[fortunapre]

This part is definitely my favorite so far...

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒𖧞 16+(suggestive), fluff, there’s definitely romance going on, fem-gender mentioned, Use of Y/n, swearing

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𖧞 oscar piastri x fem!reader

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𖧞 (scene iii) 2.3k i got carried away…

𝐀/𝐍𖧞 AHHHH ITS STARTING! thanks everybody who’s been interacting, following and reading! should i start a taglist? this is all new to me, but lemme tell ya, it’s def fun! anyways enjoy :)

Go back? (scene i) click here.

Go back? (scene ii) click here.

𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐀𝐟𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐬 𖧞 Scene iii 𖧞 (𝐐𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧...?)

Tuesday, December 11th, 7:06 pm

“Seriously? What kind of question is that?” Oscar criticized me while moving his knight. “Come on mate, do better.”

It’s not my fault my mind went blank. How else am I supposed to react while playing chess? Of Course I'm putting all of my brain power into the game, because I have a burning desire to beat Oscar. Across from me, however, Oscar’s obviously beating me with ease. How was I supposed to know Oscar only wanted to play chess because apparently he’s a prodigy?

“What do you mean? My questions are perfectly fine, just answer.” I stared at the board in front of me, and the lack of pieces I've taken from Oscar. Then across from me, basically everything except my knights and king are lined up, having been taken by him. Ugh.

“Yeah, whatever,” I heard him mumble before he looked at me. I think this is the first time we’ve made eye contact since we started. “Um, I don’t listen to alot of music but something by The Neighborhood probably.”

Safe to say, I was baffled. My question was ‘What song would play in a movie about your life?’ I thought the question was pretty good, and was fully expecting some niche house music song to be his answer. But he’d surprised me. Yet again. Oscar’s surprised me a lot today actually. Maybe it’s just because I've also been paying more attention.

“Really? The Neighborhood? That’s my favor-” I began.

“Your favorite band.” He finished for me. “I know, I hear their music coming from your room practically every day.” He almost mumbled the last part.

“Um,” I wasn’t aware he was paying attention to anything I did, let alone my music taste. I was kind of shocked but decided to dwell on this new information later. Instead I said, “Ok, your turn.” I moved my king to the right.

Instead of firing questions like he was earlier, Oscar looked like he was really trying to think of a worthwhile question, given he probably only has a few left.

“Do you remember Christmas, two years ago? What happened…” He finally said. He looked up from the game, into my eyes looking for a reaction to his words.

My mind started whirring. Why would he ask that? What is he talking about? What happened two years ago?

We would have been 20, and I know that was the year the twins stayed at a friend's place instead of coming along. But… what could he possibly mean by that. What happened?

“Sorry?” I asked because maybe I’d miss-heard him.

“2 years ago. Christmas. In this cabin. Do. you. Remember?” He looked determined to get an answer from me. Like my answer mattered.

“I, uh, I don’t remember. What happened?” My eyebrows were scrunched together, genuinely confused by this.

As I answered, I watched Oscar’s worried expression slip away, replaced with relief. “Nothing important.” he said. He refused to meet my eyes as I watched him carefully, trying to make sense of his sudden switch-up.

“Ohh kayy,” I said slowly, “now my question.”

He nodded, watching me move. My pawn reached the end of the board, meaning I could trade it for a taken piece. I opted for my queen, obviously. I tried to move quickly, grabbing the plastic piece from next to him. I had to basically crawl over the chess board to reach my queen, moving awfully close to Oscar, himself. Once I replaced the piece, before moving back, I looked up to Oscar.

I smiled at him because of my new advantage in the game. But once I looked up, my smirk dropped and my breath hitched. I was a lot closer to his face than I thought. One small move and my lips could so easily touch his-

I quickly sat back down and folded my arms into my thick sweater, suddenly feeling awkward about the thoughts plaguing my mind. He smelled nice, like pine and spearmint.

Oscar cleared his throat and said, “Make this question better than the last.” He sort of laughed, low and awkward. His smile didn’t quite reach his eyes as he joked. “Don’t be boring.”

I laughed awkwardly. Then, I thought about what I wanted to ask. What do I want to know about Oscar Piastri? As I thought, my eyes traveled over him, looking for inspiration. He was leaning back, now, on his arms. His sleeves were still rolled up and on his wrist was a small, braided bracelet. Orange and black: it must be from a teammate.

My eyes traveled to the rest of him. His hair was messy in the front, and darker than I remembered.

He started moving around, situating himself so that he was now laying on his side, head being held up by his hand. He was watching me, waiting for me to say something.

I finally thought of a question, and before I could properly think about what I was about to say, it slipped off my tongue.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

His eyes widened and he cleared his throat. He was definitely not expecting that. His free hand, that was fiddling with a chess piece, froze. He almost looked like he had stopped breathing as well.

“Because you’re annoying, that’s why.” He joked, looking down. “You terrorize me any chance you get. Obviously, that doesn’t make me very fond of you.” he went back to fiddling with the chess piece, refusing to meet my eyes, and I could tell his answer was true. But it wasn’t everything.

“Really?” I questioned.

“Yeah, really.”

“What else?” I asked again, wanting to hear his full opinion. I don’t know what made me suddenly interested in his view of me, but curiosity was burning in my mind.

“That’s two questions, you gotta wait for me to ask something…” He tried to argue, but I needed answers.

“What. Else.” I was determined. His eyes bore into mine, suddenly understanding that I wasn’t going to let him get away from answering.

He nodded and then said, “your voice. Something about it makes me want to stay away. Same with your eyes.” He went on. “I don’t know what it is, but they just make me feel….”

He didn’t finish that thought and instead moved on. “Another thing is your attitude. Your so fucking snarky. Some of the things you say and the things you do make me want to just lock you outside, so I don’t need to be near you.”

I didn’t know what to say. Honestly, I don’t know what I was expecting. He genuinely seemed to hate me, which shouldn’t be surprising. But I think something in me was hoping this mutual hatred could fizzle out after some clarity.

“Ok.” is all I said. “Your question.”

It didn't take him long at all to think of a question this time:

“Why do you hate me?” He used my same words against me. I should have expected he wanted answers as well, and I didn’t hold back.

“The way you act. You act all saint-like around others but when it’s just us, you patronize the hell out of me. I’ve tried to explain how annoying you really are to someone, but they never believe me, because to everybody else, you're Mr. Perfectly Fine.” I rambled, my voice slightly raising. “It's just SO tiring. And also,” Once I'd started, I couldn't stop. “Your stupid smirk you do, God, I want to just wipe it off! And your voice as well. When it gets all deep when you tease me and joke, I just…” I stopped myself and let out a long sigh.

There was silence as he took in everything I said.

A beat later he spoke. “Wow, Y/n, why don’t you tell me what you really think.” Oscar teased, breaking the silence. I glared at him, rage filling my eyes.

“You asked, I answered.” I said sharply. Suddenly, I wanted to go back to my room, as far away from him as possible. I rolled my eyes and stood up, about to leave. I was about to start walking away when Oscar got up and grabbed my arm, stopping me.

“Wait,” he started laughing. “Wait, Y/n. Now I know why you hate me so much! It's just that... I wasn’t aware of just how much. It’s a little funny.” He wasn’t taking anything serious, just grinned. “Come back,” he tried. “I’m bored, just finish the game.”

I looked at him. Really looked at him. His grip on my arm had loosened but it was still there, holding me. I went to pull my arm away, but his grip only tightened, as he pulled me closer.

His face was now closer than before. His smirk had dropped, and his eyes were looking into mine. I watched his eyes flicker to my lips, to my eyes, and then back to my lips.

He smelled like pine and spearmint. His scent filled the space between us, or lack thereof. We just held in place, inches apart. My heart was still beating from the anger I was feeling before. Except now, my heart was beating from something else entirely. I couldn’t tell you what happened in the next few seconds but the proximity between us plus the heat of his touch must have flipped something in me.

I tilted my head up slightly, my nose barely brushing against his. We held there for a bit, both of us unsure. But the longer we stayed close the more desire built and beat against my chest. I met his piercing gaze and then closed my eyes, moving a little closer. I was still hesitant, but Oscar didn’t hold back. He took my movement as an invitation and crashed his lips against mine.

I took my arm out of his grip and moved to grasp the front of his hoodie with both hands, pulling him closer. I had no idea why this was happening or why it was happening right after we just proclaimed our hatred for each other, but I couldn't care less. His hands moved to my hips, pulling us flush together. He titled his head to the side, deepening the kiss. His hands moved slowly under my sweater touching the skin of my hips.

My skin burned under his touch. I gained sudden confidence and put my hands in his hair, tugging at the ends. The kiss was heated and intense now. Our lips moved in sync, devouring each other like lovers who haven't felt each other in ages. As his hands felt me and gripped harder, I gasped. It gave him an opening to slip his tongue between my lips.

Knowing Oscar for as long as I have, I never would have imagined how good of a kisser he was. But why would I, imagining what Oscar’s lips feel like was never ever something I’d ever think of. At least it didn’t use to be.

Now, the feel of him is all that's on my mind. Our tongues danced around each other, discovering. His taste was intoxicating and I couldn't get enough. Oscar’s teeth dug into my bottom lip, pulling slightly, making me release a small breathy noise from the back of my throat. Oscar made a similar noise and started walking forward, moving me with him. My back hit the wall softly.

Oscar pushed his hips into me more than before, and his hands traveled higher up, grazing my ribcage with his knuckles. His touch was driving me insane. I brought my hands around his neck, pulling closer, if that was even possible.

He let out a low moan into my mouth and kissed me harder.

My mind was going hazy from the kiss. Our teeth and tongues clashed and fought, wanting to be as close as possible. I felt the heat of Oscar’s entire body on mine. Everywhere. Heat pooled in my lower stomach and lust filled my every thought.

Oscar held nothing back as he used a hand to grab my chin. He moved my head to the side, unlocking our lips. I felt cold at the loss of his lips and took in a deep breath. But not a second later, his lips attached to my neck, sucking under my jawline. The spots he kissed turned sensitive and warm. I wanted his lips everywhere. He traveled lower, sucking, licking and biting.

I was loving the attention he was giving my neck but was more desperate for his lips to be back on mine. I pulled him back to me and kissed him. Both of us were breathing heavily and our lips were becoming swollen.

I couldn’t stop, though. He felt so good.

I let out a moan into his mouth when I felt his lower body push against me. My hands went back to his hair, messing it up further.

Just then, the door opened and I heard our families walk in the door. Where we were positioned, they couldn’t spot us immediately.

“Guys, we're back!” I heard my father yell, and I pushed Oscar away from me, hard. He stumbled back, looking wild. His lips were red and his face was flushed. God, post-makeout Oscar was sexy, but that’s not what’s important right now.

The fact that I even know what a post-makeout Oscar looks like is insane.

What. The. Fuck just happened. Everything suddenly cleared and I felt immense confusion and embarrassment.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand and walked away from Oscar, who looked dazed. I left him and went to my parents. Their hands were filled with brown paper bags of what looked like Christmas decorations.

They didn’t look at all like two people who just saw their daughter hardcore making out against the wall, thankfully. My face was burning so incredibly hot with embarrassment and simmering lust. I smoothed down my hair and put on a big smile.

“Hi!” I squeaked higher than normal. “You guys have fun?,” I asked, trying to sound normal.

“Yes, we did! Look at this honey, we found a small boutique with all of this cheap decor for the cabin. The Piastris bought just as much as we did so this place will be looking super festive in no time.” My mom had a huge smile on her face as she spoke. The twins walked in the door soon after, noses red front the cold.

“There was also this neat little bookstore I bet you would have enjoyed.” My father added.

I watched as my sister looked me up and down. She smiled a little while looking around, no doubt for evidence of something. She caught sight of Oscar and I’s unfinished chess game and then began searching intently around the room. She looked at me again and tilted her head. “Where’s Oscar?" she finally asked.

At her question, I looked behind me where I had left Oscar minutes before, but he had disappeared.

“I, um, I don’t know.” I answered truthfully.

“Here!” I heard from upstairs. He must have bolted up there earlier, because he looked normal again. His hair was fixed and he looked less tomato-y. “I’m right here, I was just in the bathroom.” He called, while jogging down the stairs. He caught my gaze and quickly looked away, putting on a smile for our parents.

“Have fun?” He asked the twins, ignoring me as best as he could. But I was just staring at him.

What have we done...

(scene iv) CLICK HERE

pinterest-piece 𖧞 𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐟𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐬 𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐩𝐡𝐢𝐜

[aurorawest]

The Scottish Boy by Alex de Campi - 5/5 stars

This book managed to rip my heart out at least 3 times. I loved it. Medieval enemies-to-lovers slow burn; very romantic. Kinda read like fanfiction at times but in a good way. 10/10 would read a follow-up love story about Arundel and Captain Wekena. If you like Captive Prince, give this one a try.

Reforged by Seth Haddon - 4/5 stars

Pretty good bodyguard romantasy. Ironically CS Pacat blurbed this one (another am-I-in-the-matrix moment). The world was interesting and I enjoyed the politics, though they're definitely not as complicated as other SFF politics I've gone feral over (see: Captive Prince, Winter's Orbit, A Memory Called Empire). I ordered the sequel after I finished this.

The Doctor's Date by Heidi Cullinan - 4/5 stars

A Power Unbound by Freya Marske - 5/5 stars

Where do I start? I love, love, LOVE A Marvellous Light. It's one of my favorite books ever. None of the rest of the books in the trilogy could live up to it, really, because it's so good. You'll notice I rated this one 5 stars though, because quite honestly I fell prey to a bit of The Academy Paying The Lord of the Rings Trilogy Its Due syndrome. I did love this book and thought it was better than A Restless Truth (which I still loved!) but part of that is, quite frankly, just due to the fact that I prefer m/m romance to f/f romance.

Anyway. This was such a good finale to the trilogy. I loved that the romance was a giant middle finger to purity cultists. I loved that one of the mains was Italian. I loved finally getting the story of what happened to the Alston twins. One thing I thought was really cool was how, viewed from the outside, you totally get why Edwin is such a loner. I really admire from a writing perspective how Marske pulled that off.

I feel like there's a lot to be said about what Marske was trying to SAY with this book, but I definitely need to reread it first before I can articulate any of it. The purity culture stuff is obvious, but the magic system too. I feel like Jack when he's almost able to connect everything in his mind into a bigger idea, but he can't quite get there.

I've got a special edition from Illumicrate coming, so I'll be rereading it when I have that.

Oh also, this book was the embodiment of all that one tumblr post -

The Guncle by Steven Rowley - 5/5 stars

I saw this in bookstores for years before I finally gave in and bought it. The blurb makes it sound insufferable and twee. Ignore the blurb. This was such a good book about grief and learning how to live again after terrible loss.

I Like Me Better by Robby Weber - 4/5 stars

At last I can stop getting the Lauv song stuck in my head whenever I set eyes on this book (it's stuck in my head as I type this). Pretty standard-issue YA, but it was cute and had a good message.

The Stagsblood King by Gideon E Wood - 4/5 stars

Another book about moving on from grief! This is the second book in a trilogy. When I was trying to determine if I wanted to read on beyond book 1, I scoured the internet for information about what happens in books 2 and 3. Eventually I decided, hell, I enjoyed book 1 well enough, even if what I want to happen in the rest of the trilogy doesn't happen, they're worth reading. SO, to that end, I will tell anyone looking for info that Tel gets romantically involved with a new man in this one, which, eh. I still want him to somehow end up with Vared. It was still quite good though.

In the Lives of Puppets by TJ Klune - DNF at pg 82

So funnily, we were at the bookstore the day I was about to start reading this, and my wife pointed out Ravensong (also by Klune) to me and said, "Do you have this one?" I made a face and said, "That's an older one of his books and I'm wary of his early work after that horrible Verania series. I don't think I've ever read an author as hit or miss as TJ Klune."

I wrote the above when I was 60 pages in and now I have officially DNFed this. Listen. You know how in Thor: Love and Thunder, Taika Waititi was clearly given free rein to do whatever he wanted, so all of his worst impulses made it to the final cut unchecked? Yeah. That's what this book is like.

Here's my Storygraph review: I see Klune is officially Too Big To Edit now. This book has exactly the same problem that his awful Verania series had—a joke that's funny at first but quickly grows tiresome when it's repeated five times per page. The emphasis on Victor's asexuality was also weird and read like Klune was just super proud of himself for writing an ace character.

Lion's Legacy by LC Rosen - 4.25/5 stars

Queer, YA Indiana Jones, but less #problematic. This book had some eerie similarities to my own archaeology adventure novel(s), which made me wonder half-seriously if I somehow know Lev Rosen? Anyway, I feared this would be very heavy-handed and not nuanced on archaeology's ethical dilemmas, since it's YA and also the current culture is to view said dilemmas as completely black and white with no nuance, but I was pleasantly surprised. It manages to examine that, queerness, and daddy issues, plus has time to be a genuinely fun and exciting adventure story. Highly recommend.

Too White to be Coloured, Too Coloured to be Black by Ismail Lagardien - 4/5 stars

I picked up this memoir in a bookstore at OR Tambo airport in Johannesburg as research for Six Places to Fall in Love, since Percy is coloured. A pretty brutal read, but good, and definitely good research. The author was a photographer and journalist through the most violent years of apartheid.

The Splendid and the Vile by Erik Larson - 5/5 stars

Two nonfiction books in a row?? This is the second book by Erik Larson I've read, the first being the excellent The Devil in the White City. I'm not, in general, all that interested in WWII when it comes to military history, but this book is about the day to day lives of Churchill and the people surrounding him (with brief stops to visit FDR and high-ranking Nazis sprinkled throughout). This is a very, very good book, and I recommend reading it if only as a reminder of the resilience and bravery of ordinary people under terrifying circumstances.

Some Desperate Glory by Emily Tesh - 5/5 stars

Holy shit. Holy shit is this book good. Imagine the love child of Lost, Person of Interest, and Battlestar Galactica, but queer and with multiverse shenanigans thrown in.

I need everyone to read this book. Now. Yesterday. Get to it.

[sammygender]

hi.. erm im back (anon from the last 2 asks) (im too scared to un-anon sorry) i want to ask (another) genuine question abt wincest because ur the nicest person ive ever met who's willing to talk abt it from both sides.

i guess i just don't get why people ship wincest? background: im aromantic and have a hard time understanding certain shippy stuff, but i do notice alot of arophobic statements in regards to the evidence given as to why people ship. ex: a lot of "brothers don't look at each other like that." type things. (which i know is not wincest exclusive and is often used by destiel shippers too)

also i notice alot of people being quite amatonormative (definition: the assumption that all human beings pursue love or romance.) so it's hard to even take wincest shippers seriously when all their evidence tends to be perpetuating arophobic sentiments and stuff.

we can all agree that their relationship is seriously unhealthy. but i just have a hard time with it being even borderline incestuous. i also really like the idea of relationship anarchy (definition: relationships within this structure are fluid, and therefore have no solid differentiation between sexual, romantic, or platonic relationships.) so to me it's like. well it's platonic because they say it is? only the people within a relationship can determine what that relationship is and they have?

anyways i know im throwing a lot of words and definitions at you. you're just extremely helpful to talk to and i like what you have to say, so id be extremely interested in your opinions about this.

hi anon!!! im so sorry i literally yapped like crazy in response to this. had no idea i was capable of this much thought on this topic. everything is under the read more

TLDR for the TLDR: for me the 'borderline incestuous' nature of their relationship isnt actually the way they act with each other cause i do think boundaries of romantic/platonic r weird and fake (tho by normal 'societal standards' sam and dean r strange). its more the framing of it by the narrative and genre conventions of spn as a horror. i think. <3

everything im abt to say has been written on at length by much smarter people than me - if ur interested i probably have reblogged other peoples posts on similar topics and tagged them somewhere under #poison in the water and maybe #she walked in on us. i am SO sorry for the mountain of yap you have unleashed.

before i rly start, re: talking abt the concept of wincest from different angles/sides - its honestly so totally beyond me why people dont actually DISCUSS this stuff more. ofc wincest shippers are sometimes obnoxious when they go ‘NORMAL BROTHERS DON’T ACT LIKE THIS!!!’ over anything (like i personally don’t like the whole ‘sam and dean are OBVIOUSLY in love because they bring each other back from the dead!!’ thing. like why is that romantic. i’d try my hardest to bring my siblings back from the dead too.) but like u said pretty much all shippers do that. i think people are (UNDERSTANDABLY) squicked out by the idea of incest, even fictional, and have an immediate kneejerk reaction when people ‘corrupt’ their favorite characters by talking abt it in relation to them. and i completely understand just not wanting to engage with readings you find uncomfortable or odd!! TV can just be escapism there’s nothing wrong with that!! but i tend to find immediate negative reactions against anything that even ACKNOWLEDGES the incestuous subtext in spn uncharitable and annoying. for one, incest is a real thing that happens and its not shipping goggles or creep behavior to look at fiction through the lens of it, just as its not whatsoever unreasonable to look at, for example, the azazel demon blood storyline as a CSA allegory (again of course all this is real heavy and just one interpretation and absolutely no hate for fans who like… just don’t want to think like this <3). for two, i do think there is an undercurrent of it written into supernatural with intentionality to further the themes of familial horror.

so to kind of…. explain i guess… why i say i can see canonical backing for sam and dean’s relationship as incestuous or incestuous-adjacent (lol), i have to go back to the general incest subtext in supernatural as a whole, from a completely academic-interest and not at all shippy way. like i said ofc SPN is primarily a show about FAMILY HORROR - ‘family is hell’, to quote eric kripke in the pilot commentary. or at least this is how i view it; a lot of destiel fans, for example, tend to see it more as…. idk really, i don’t claim to have much contact with them, but certainly not usually a horror. an action-adventure. a western. a story about a Tragic American Hero (sorry im being tongue in cheek and bitchy). i think viewing the show with a sam-focused lens tends to make you view it as horror for… a lot of reasons which i won’t get into here. but i PERSONALLY - getting off track here, sorry - view it as horror. that’s what he originally intended, and it’s what supernatural is most successful at doing. and incest in horror, especially gothic horror, especially gothic horror about the family and the home, is well-trodden territory (where’s my essay from last term about incest in wuthering heights where i somehow ended up, while researching, on an essay about wincest itself). - and supernatural is full of allusions to it. azazel’s silhouette in the pilot as intentionally strikingly similar to john’s, when he first feeds sam demon blood (framed as a CSA allegory, whether intentional or not). then azazel actually possessing john later. mary making the deal that dooms her family for years after via kissing her father on the mouth. hunting portrayed as something abnormal, irregular, taboo in direct opposition to a ‘normal family’ (tho abuse also comes from the nuclear family etc etc). then you can look at sam and dean specifically….

from the pilot, you have the woman in white telling sam, who has just left to go on a roadtrip with his brother, that he’s about to be unfaithful to jess; even if this could technically be said to be about the fact she then attempts to assault him (tho that doesn’t really fit with woman in white lore?? she goes after people who have already cheated…), it’s still portraying jess and dean as innately in opposition, just as jess has to die in order for sam to join dean. all the loaded lines about ‘the way they were raised’ - dean telling sam he can’t escape it. supernatural is clear: the rot is IN the family.

OF COURSE all of this can equally just be about familial abuse!! and IS about familial abuse!! but the way the story unfolds DOES position sam and dean in…. shall we say Roles. sam is the feminised ‘bitch’ to dean’s ‘jerk’; they’re mistaken for a couple in 1x08, in 1x18, in 2x16, in s8; they’re compared to bonnie and clyde, to mallory and mickey, serial killer lover duos. crowley tells dean, ‘you’re lying to sam like he’s your wife’. dean says, at a later opportunity, ‘what about sam? does he want a divorce?’. an ANGEL tells their HALF BROTHER that sam and dean are ‘psychotically, irrationally, EROTICALLY codependent’. dean himself is unable to name what’s between them, explicitly saying ‘love, family, whatever it is’ (which is just SUCH an odd line. Like it’s love and family between you two Dean is it not??? Why are you acting like neither of those words describe it???). then there’s the way jensen and jared act it, their physicality, eg. sam looking genuinely like he’s about to pull dean in for a kiss during playthings 2x16… i also find the whole ‘brothers don’t look at each other like that!!’ annoying, but tbh, they do give each other wild looks sometimes. the end of wendigo sticks out to me whenever i watch it as a genuine ‘why is jared/sam looking at jensen/dean like that… what possessed him…’.

wait another addition - when i first wrote this i also totally forgot about 4x14 sex and violence, which iirc has dean’s siren, originally described only in terms of sex/romance, literally telling him ‘i should be your little brother’. of course the concept of a siren that isn’t really about sex or even romance is really interesting and one valid reading - and also lends itself to a reading of dean as aro which i rly like. but i don’t think that reading is any more or less valid than the more obvious one. (irrelevant side bar but there’s a 2003 sociology book about sibling incest that i read for an essay on wuthering heights called ‘Siblings: Sex and Violence and that makes me go ??? every time i think about the episode. Literally what. That has to be a coincidence. But??)

i think in regards to why people ‘ship’ wincest, a lot of it is of course just that they just kind of See It, for whatever reason. whether it’s the thematic (which i talked on at length already sorry <3) or just the way they look at each other or just because jared and jensen are hot or just because they think it’s really interesting to explore an added dimension to sam and dean’s already messed up relationship. same with destiel, same with sastiel, same with whatever, like u said. shipping culture in general IS hugely amatonormative - people love to declare wide statements about what people who are In Love do and don’t do, which are always silly and shallow. partly why i don’t really consider myself as someone who ships things in general.

i also totally agree w u that only people within a relationship can determine what that relationship is. im not aro but i also really like the concept of relationship anarchy. however, when i see the incestuous subtext between sam and dean, it’s more in a media studies way than in a way of analysing their actual Relationship (though to be fair i’m not a wincest shipper); eg. asking the question why is their relationship portrayed ‘like that’, and what does that say about the themes of spn itself. also it is just an interesting concept to a lot of people.

TLDR the reason i can view sam and dean’s relationship as borderline incestuous isn’t due to their codependency, or dean’s intense possessiveness, or how close they are, or because they spend all of their time together, or because they’ve brought each other back from the dead multiple times and get suicidal without each other. this is even though in our society all that together IS often coded as romantic/sexual and is definitely acknowledged in that lens by the writers (hence constant comparison of them to married couples) - because it could also just as equally be completely platonic and completely insane and the result of the world’s worst trauma bond (the latter which it CERTAINLY is <3). when i talk abt canonical backing for their relationship as borderline incestuous, it’s more about the narrative framing and context surrounding it. at the very least, their relationship is ‘abnormal’, deviant (meant in the most literal meaning as an digression from social norms); different from accepted ‘sibling relationships’, pointed out by the characters around them. <- none of this makes any sense but its 3am and im on tumblr so its ok.

feel free to dm also if u want to or just send an ask back!! and also ofc feel free to argue with/disagree with me in any way u like. or ask wtf i mean by anything cause i talk too much. tbh from what u say it sounds like u just don’t really vibe with shipping culture in general (might be an assumption sorry if so) which i totally understand/agree w. but i hope i answered ur question in some way somehow

[jellyfishsthings]

Warnings: smut, minors do not interact, sex in a library, oral(fem!reader receiving), man handling, fucked from behind, rough, fluffy ending...

As Remus finished his essay for Magic History. His eyes hurt like hell. He removed his glasses and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He looked at his reflection in the library window opposite him. The person that looked back at him looked nothing like him. A scar ran across his nose. One of his first ones. His forest green eyes looked haunted. His curly fluffy hair was pushed back by his round wire-framed glasses.

A movement stole his attention. There she was. Her beautiful face morphed in interest when her curious eyes ran along the bookshelves and met the titles of the romance section. Tell me what you are reading love. I will do everything to you. Just say the word. He chuckled lightly at the thought. One day. One day, he would. Hopefully today.

She made her way towards the back room. Only eight people had access to that room. The Head Boys and Head Girls of every house could use that room. Lucky them, they both had that privilege. He grabbed his things and entered the room. Letting them sit at one of the tables and closing in on her form.

"What are you reading, dovey? Is it one of your erotica books again?" He whispered in her ear as he hugged her close and started leaving lazy hickeys in her neck.

"First of all, how dare you say such vile and filthy things to your girlfriend, mister? I shall have you reported to the Headmaster right away," she said as she leaned back on him. Teasing him. She was in a good mood today. "And I shall have you know that i-" she trailed off in her sentence as he slightly pinched her tits through her uniform.

"You were saying?" He teased back. Just as she opened her mouth to banter with him he proposed a deal. "Sweetheart, I want to try something."

"Okay"

"You see, you read all these books and I am curious to see why you like them so much. Yet I know that you would never let me read them. So I thought that we should make a deal. You can read them to me while I eat you out. You know how much I love eating you out, don't you? If you manage to read me at least one chapter I will reward you. What do you say, honey?"

"Right here?"

"We can wait until later when I can sneak into your dorm. But then I won't be able to fuck you against bookcases. Or while you are bent over these desks. It's your choice, my love."

"If I agree with your term, will you do both?"

"If you can take it…"

She didn't need to hear more. She ran towards one of the desks and hopped on one. He buried one hand in her hair and placed a kiss on her lips. "I love you" he whispered sweetly in the kiss and when he broke it he kneeled in front of her removing her trousers and her underwear.

"Yeah… me too. Now get on with it. I always wanted to try this" she demanded

He bit in her inner thighs, drawing a high-pitched squeal from her and mouthing over her cunt "bossy eager girl".

She whined and to which he responded "I am not starting until I hear you reading"

She huffed and began narrating. "Chapter 11. The phone rang as he was buried deep inside her.

"Don't answer that" she begged.

Yet he ignored her and reached for it any-anyway"

Her voice lost its volume as he started lapping at her. He knew how to drive each and every sound out of her. He was going easy.

She continued steadily until he started practically making out with her pussy. His tongue was entering her constantly. He sucked everywhere as if trying to form hickeys and separated her now swollen lips every few seconds.

"Continue," he said in a rough voice.

And that she did. She drew her whole willpower and focused on reading. Though as he got more eager she lost her concentration. She had read three whole pages and only one was left. He wouldn't notice. Especially since her thighs were so tightly pressed in his ears.

"Remus, please. More." Within a few seconds, she was undone by him. Cumming in his tongue, on his lips, as he devoured her like there was no tomorrow.

"Good job love. Only one page short. Next time you won't be able to read one sentence. Now stand on your feet." She complied without a pause.

"Turn around" she did. He placed one hand on her back and slowly pushed her down to lie at the table.

"Grab the edges and stay still" she didn't need to hear it twice.

He removed his pants and boxers. Grabbed her hips and entered her, hard. Making her cry in ecstasy. A slap was delivered to her ass shortly after "Quiet or else, I will leave you here. Alone. Aching in silence." She nodded fast and bit her arm to stay quiet.

He was flying in and out of her. Leaving always only his tip in. He was torturing her. His pace was animalistic. Hard and incredibly deep. Each thrust made her crazy with want and pleasure. One of his hands maintained its tight grip on her while the other tried to take hostage every curve, every slope, every inch of her. He was rough with her and they both absolutely loved it.

She was moving up and down from the force of his movements. Each one of them made her breasts brush the material of one of his old sweaters, as they had escaped from her bra, creating a great stimulation to her nipples.

"Do you think you can take it if we move to the bookcases? Or have I already turned your legs to Jello?"

"Bookcase …now" her voice was hitched and broke from his thrusts. He grabbed her, moving her five paces towards one of his favourite shelves. A plan formed in his head.

"Hands on each side. Spread your legs for me love" she did as she was told blindly. He reached even deeper now if that was even possible.

"Oh God"

"Glad to see you praising me, dove"

"You cocky bastard" she fired back in a voice so dreamy and breathy making her insult sound like a compliment.

"Your cocky bastard. Only yours" he said before he started pistoning his hips into hers. The sound of their skins slapping filled the room. His hand snaked in her front. Under her shirt and playing with one of her breasts. It was too much for her to handle. Her arms got tired and lost their strength. She placed her forehead in one of the bookcases and the sight in front of her made her lose her breath.

In her stomach, her skin moved. Could he reach that far in this position? His sure and rough thrusts made sure for this to happen, didn't they? Her eyes travelled lower, where her previous release was coating her thighs. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head. He was perfect, making her see stars and feel like she was in paradise. She must have said as much because the next thing she knew he repositioned her. Her upper body dropped to a horizontal line before…

"This is nothing sweetheart. The fun begins now".

Her legs couldn't hold on longer. Thank God he had placed his hands on her hips. Driving them into his as he fucked into her, making every stimulation ten times more pleasurable. Loud moans that sounded like his name echoed.

"That's it, love. Tell the world who makes you feel this good. Not giving a single fuck of getting caught." She clenched around him.

His left and dominant hand grabbed her throat lightly, not applying any pressure but giving the illusion of it.

"You would like that? Being caught, huh? Should I put public places on our list?"

"Yes," she yelled. How could he perform so well and taunt her at the same time? She wouldn't be complaining though.

"Alright now I want you to do me a favour. In the shelf in front of you my favourite book is stacked. If you find it before you cum, which you are so so close to do so, we can do anything you want. If you don't, we will do it in a public place next week."

Both options seemed terrific in her lust and pleasure-overridden brain. But a challenge was a challenge. Her eyes raked over the books. Her cloudy vision makes her work difficult. As she reached the edge she found it. Yet her release caught her off guard. Sounds that she would never make, exited her mouth. Only he could draw them out.

Remus. Remus. Remus. Her Remus. Only hers.

He continued strongly. Doing God's work on her.

"I'm so close. Will you cum with me?" His thrusts were sloppy but didn't lose their ability from bringing her close again. He started circling her clit with his thumb.

He fell from the edge first and took her with him. His hand clamped her throat a bit. Her vision blackened. He brought her close and rubbed her sides, calming her. They both looked in the place they were joined, their orgasms trying to escape by gushing down her legs.

"Legs up" he commanded, even though it didn't make sense she folded her legs and let his arm that hugged her middle keep her in place. As she practically hovered over the floor he placed her panties in her legs and started drawing them up.

"Kept them in my pocket. Don't want infections on my best girl" she giggled lightly at the comment. Trusting him with her life. As her underwear reached its rightful place, he removed himself and placed them there. Trying to contain everything inside her.

"Bad infections" she reasoned back or at least tried to.

"Yeah, really bad. You must really love me. For putting up with my and our sex cappeds"

"Rem" she said as she turned her head in his chest and whispered "tired"

"I know, let's get some rest, hm?"

"Mmm"

He carried her onto one of the couches and let her get comfortable on top of him. She placed a kiss over his heart and mumbled " I love you" before she dozed off.

"Love you too, my heart."

words count: 1732

[razorblade180]

“Courting”

Charlotte:Miss Furina!!! I have a very important question to ask, off the record of course.

Furina:A question? I don’t see why not.

Charlotte:Are you being courted by world renowned traveler, Aether!?

Furina:*red* C-Courted!? I wouldn’t exactly say-

The journalist whips out a polaroid photo of Furina with a warm smile on her face as she sits across from Aether during a late candle lit dinner.

Furina:Oh my god this came out so well. You can even see the- how did you have this!? Where were you!?

Charlotte:I was posed as a waitress!

Furina:….

Charlotte:…For a job! Not for you. Heavens no. By the way, I wouldn’t eat there again. Back to the topic at hand, good for you.! It’s a cute look. Your smile is brighter.

Furina:You just have good lighting.

Charlotte:Ha! Oh Furina…candle light is agonizing for photography.

Furina:Sounds like a hit a sore spot. Anyways, if you’re asking I assume you’re more or less aware of everything I am when it comes to Aether and romance.

Charlotte:Of course! I actually brought it up to him around our first time meeting. Had proof and everything so I can ask him “why an open relationship”

Furina:…You’re kinda scary at times.

Charlotte:If you’re not intense in my field then people try to circle around the truth. Like you were about to do until I showed the photo. You can keep that by the way. *fiddles with camera*

Furina:If you don’t mind, I’d like to ask you a question as well.

Charlotte:Ooo okay! I’m all ears!

Furina:You’ve known him longer, engaged with him more often, and seem interested from where I stand; yet I’m the one dat- is involved with him.

Charlotte:Do you have commitment issues?

Furina:Let me finish! What I’m getting at is why aren’t you two item. I’ve the comedically sized document about the dynamic. As it stands now…if I was close minded or acted selfishly…

Charlotte:Ah, I see. It’s interesting to see your mind at work, but unfortunately you’re overthinking things waaaay too much. This isn’t chess game or battle of wits. It would pretty low to treat others feelings like that without thought. Neither him or I would be able to stand ourselves to put a person filled with in a position where they either find new love or be forced to deal with the fact there’s someone else. Kinda defeats the point of an open relationship.

Furina:That’s…I see your point.

Charlotte:If you want Aether romantically all to yourself when it comes to Fontainian’s then by all means exercise that right. He’s still going to be one of my closest friends and partner in journalism! Though to be clear, this isn’t me conceding in any way. I do hope you enjoy my company as much as I love yours! Also… *pulls out photo*

It’s nothing particularly special. Just a really good picture of Aether in the middle of fishing without a care in the world.

Charlotte: Let’s be honest, he has a very nice face. Just ask Lyney! He thinks so too.

Furina:*red* I mean I guess it has its appeal.

Charlotte:You can keep that one too. Anyways, I gotta go before no more Aquabuses run. My latest story has gotten popular so you know…I’ll be back in the city in like three weeks? Hopefully? Eh, we’ll see.

Furina:What did you expose!?

Charlotte:It’ll be front page tomorrow! Read all about it! Bye! *runs off*

Furina thought she was pretty good at reading people, especially her audience. Right now she had no clue if the conversation just now was casual chatter, a weird bargain, or even pleasant congratulations with a side of flirting? She only knew what she’s known from the beginning. Charlotte is a really interesting, kind person who takes phenomenal photos.

Furina:…(I wonder if he knows that this photo was taken?)

xxxxx

Aether:I was fishing alone.

Furina:For the love of- how strong is that lens!? By the way…would you consider us…courting or something? *red*

Aether:

Aether: You literally made out with me a few days ago. Grabbed my scarf, and smooched my face. We spend time together consistently.

Furina:*nods slowly* You bring up a valid point.

Aether:A valid point!? *shows hickey*

Furina:Okay, several points! Wrap your scarf back up before someone sees!

Aether:Breaking news, crystal pure celebrity actually filters her murky mind.

Furina:I want my kisses back!

[ashtray-girl]

Sorry if i'm bothering you but i really wanted to rant abt Johnny and Moz and hear some of your thoughts about these two certain topics that i can't get out of my head:  

I find it incredibly weird that Johnny and Morrissey (as far as we know) never became friends again or never tried to reconcile their relationship after the breakup - like how do you go from being best friends and hanging out with each other 24/7 to "We haven’t known each other for 35 years - which is many lifetimes ago." as Morrissey said on that letter. The strangest part to me is that, since the break up and to this day both Johnny and Moz never hesitate to mention again and again how much their relationship meant to them in the band and how much they loved each other during that period of their lives - i mean the way they describe each other and the words that they use come straight up from a romance novel. Also the fact that Morrissey continued to write songs abt how much Johnny meant to him and like Johnny getting that swallow tattoo on his neck and other weird stuff like why care to mention each other so much and make everything so dramatic when you - as you claim - haven't known each other for a lifetime? And idk on a personal level if it would be me in their situation i would at some point try to fix whatever we had if we obv meant that much to each other after all these years.

In all honestly when i read abt Marrissey Johnny sometimes just comes off as someone who suffered (and maybe still does) from internalised homophobia, when you read the way Moz talks abt him in his lyrics it definitely gives off that vibe "Though she needs you More than she loves you " , "Love is natural and real But not for such as you and I" or "I am born to hang but not to have kids and to never be wed - no, to someone whom I don't even love" and that interview when Moz said that "That perhaps Johnny Marr was in fact madly in love with me, but didn't feel he could act on that - or that he didn't have the courage to ever take it any further?'" And i don't want to seem like i'm trying to bash Angie or anything but i find they way the got married pretty weird and almost rushed in way like would they even get married if Joe Moss hadn't insisted that they do? Even Andy thought it was weird "They got married in some evangelical church. It was pretty bizarre. There were only about 10 of us there, including the crew. The ceremony only lasted about 15 minutes. I was a witness. Afterwards they hired a function room in the hotel and we had champagne and a buffet. It was a nice day, but it was just weird. It didn't seem real. You know what it's like in America - everything's plastic and phoney. It just didn't seem like a proper wedding. No relatives were there."

Anyway sorry for the long rant!! I just wanted to say that i absolutely love your Marrissey ramblings, Have a nice day :)

Hi anon! don't worry you're not bothering me at all, i'm always down to talk abt marrissey haha i'll just have to reply w/2 separate parts bc there's so much i want to say lmao 1. i've been chatting to @loathsome-tonight abt this (comparing notes, so to speak) and both of us agree that the "no-contact" situation after The Smiths' breakup is essentially bullshit, and for quite a few reasons: - first of all, there's proof they were exchanging notes around the time Morrissey was recording Viva Hate - when Johnny Rogan first published his book Morrissey and Marr: The Severed Alliance Morrissey predictably wanted no part in it, and Johnny only got involved bc he felt pressured by the author getting a bit too close to his friends and family. however, once the book came out Johnny apparently felt compelled to call Morrissey and reassure him abt the extent and the reasons of his involvement - when Morrissey released The Last of the Famous International Playboys, Johnny apparently sent him a note to congratulate him on its success - if you've read Morrissey's Autobio, you'll know he sent Johnny a letter in 1992, to which Johnny replied telling him he was sorry for everything that happened and taking "full responsibility". they then met each other and went for a drive on the moors - after that meeting, their relationship seemed to improve. in a 1993 interview for Select, Johnny said: "the relationship between me and Morrissey is the best in the group, of the four of us. i still see him now. i called him last night. last time i saw him was a couple of days before he went to do his recent album. we let a bored media get the better of us, but there's always been a certain telepathy between us even when we didn't see each other. we played a game with the press and they played with us, but it's not true life. no, we're friends." - then, the trial happened. and that's when things went south again between them. being interviewed with Bernard Sumner for The Face in july 1996, and being asked if he and Morrissey were still friends, Johnny said: "not... (pregnant pause) not particularly... [...] if i'm too glib then people think i'm being disrespectful and if i'm too serious they think there's a reconciliation on the cards. i just don't have any feelings about it." except a month earlier, once again being interviewed with Bernard Sumner (for the NME this time) he was playing quite a different tune. asked if he was still in contact with Morrissey, he said: "occasionally. last time we met it was a really nice experience. it was really good to see him, especially since a... a feud that didn't really exist had become public property. and because of the relationship we had it was time to resolve it in private and do something ourselves because it was really quite a serious situation. i was tired of being involved in other people's games and i wanted to do something for us. [...] i know it's interesting for other people, but it's kinda private. i certainly don't wish him - or anyone i've worked with - ill. life's too short." whatever happened between them at that time, it seems like 1996 was quite a turbulent year for their relationship... - years after (seemingly) going their separate ways, in 2008, they met once again. this time in person, in a pub in Manchester. apparently they even talked abt a potential Smiths' reunion, but Johnny already had other engagements with The Cribs, so nothing was done abt it - in recent years, Johnny also mentioned exchanging emails with Morrissey so even tho i highly doubt they're still in contact now, there was definitely a time when they were on speaking terms, even after The Smiths broke up. however, it seems like their relationship was quite volatile and hot and cold, with them being fine one moment and being snarky the next. personally, i've found it surprising how none of the biographers/journos that wrote abt them directly challenged them on this, bc ultimately it's very easily disprovable.

[asherlockstudy]

Ask answers and thoughts on the latest EB "Why do people think we're gay"

It has been a pretty busy week and I could not get into it and to people's asks earlier. Anyway, I will come clean and say that before watching, I thought people were overreacting. As I started watching I started thinking that I could see why people overreacted and by the middle of it, I genuinely thought this episode must have been some kind of a joke.

BUT. I don't want to see it that way. I would hate to be the type of person who shuts her ears and whistles. I don't want to be considered as someone who WANTS them to be together no matter what rather than the person that landed on this conclusion based on simple observation. I don't want to be perceived as someone who projects through them (simply because I am not).

It feels bad for me to hold a stance like "that's all very well but I don't believe you" because this would make me feel like an obnoxious, obtuse person and at the same time like I attempt to invalidate their feelings and identities. I actively dislike this. At the same time, I feel that if I accept everything stated in this episode without a moment's hesitation, I then invalidate my brain. And that is even bigger of a problem for me personally. You might think "well asherlockstudy maybe your brain doesn't work all that well after all" and...fair enough, I guess. Perhaps I am perceiving things wrongly! But apparently many people do, right? Since when they were in high school and even earlier, like they said, right? Up to this very day, right?

The episode seemed candid, Link looked candid, which is what confused me more than anything else. But let's start with the asks I received and see where that leads us.

Long post is LONG and also people who don't want to read second thoughts on Rhett and Link's very clear statements perhaps wouldn't be interested in this, so I have the rest under the cut. If you have sent me an ask about their "Why people think we're gay" podcast episode, it is here below:

Anon #1 said:

That seemed like one of the very few consistent with their typical behaviour things they said in this episode. But I will argue that this is something that can be said by lifelong best friends. Besides, there are also people that value friendship higher than romance and I am not saying it is certainly their case but it might be. Link, for one, does not like the Rolling Stones very much, except for one song of theirs, "Waiting On A Friend".

Watching girls go passing by It ain't the latest thing I'm just standing in a doorway I'm just trying to make some sense Out of these girls passing by The tales they tell of men I'm not waiting on a lady I'm just waiting on friend A smile relieves a heart that grieves Remember what I said I'm not waiting on a lady I'm just waiting on a friend Don't need a whore, I don't need no booze Don't need a virgin priest But I need someone I can cry to I need someone to protect Making love and breaking hearts It is a game for youth But I'm not waiting on a lady I'm just waiting on a friend

Let me tell you, as a 17 years long Stones fan myself, to only like this song a lot is a choice. This song, you like it for its lyrics, not its music. So for Link to like that song, it is a very conscious choice.

Link to me is one of these people that values the friendly companionship more than anything. But I see this through his dynamic with Rhett, not through how he talks about his other friends. At times however he has also spoken about how relationship-oriented he is, he wouldn't like to be single one bit. He at times has seemed unable to understand how people can be single by choice, for example. Then as a teen, he had written in Rhett's yearbook "yeah finally it's summer we won't have to deal with all these girls anymore".... Whether he calls it friendship or romance, Link yearns for camaraderie and commitment. However, had it not been for this EB's Link, I would be pretty doubtful Link can genuinely experience this in such a depth with a woman.

They did not talk about touching and hugging. They did not talk about many things. All the studies they found were one-sided, presenting male friendships as repressed and shallow and women's friendships as deep and mature. I guess they didn't find any of these studies about male friendships being quieter but much more enduring and women's friendship being vulnerable to competition, gossip or romances (they brushed through something like that 1 minute before the end). Of course all these are generalizations and thus inherently questionable but my point is that they seemed to pick carefully those studies that could back whatever message they wanted to push on that day. Which was... that apparently their friendship conforms to the pattern of male friendships being expressionless, repressed, standard, shallow appearing??? That's what I got from them. Because they did not say "people are thinking we are gay because we shit on all the male stereotypes". They said they do many things that are exactly stereotypical and proven in these studies. Their friendship was presented as strong yet stereotypical. So... this brings us to the first question again. Why do people think they are gay? If they don't even speak tenderly to each other? If they don't call or meet unless it's for the work or some hobby?

But there's another question. Weren't they calling each other every morning on the way to work at least? Link was perhaps right about saying "I love you" to Rhett for the first time in GMM (when he mixed his words and then defended himself against the viewers by saying he is not gonna apologize for it) but haven't they relentlessly done it other times too? Hasn't Rhett said "I'd die for you" when Link was hurt by his gorilla joke?

And, lastly, wasn't Link complaining for ages around the years 2018-2019 that Rhett doesn't open up about his feelings and his thoughts to him? But this EB's Link was very much like Rhett. Link can't say the L word. He can't show emotionality. Link. Okay. The only consistent thing is in The Lost Causes of Bleak Creek.

As an unspoken corollary of this vow, Leif had made sure nothing in his behavior gave even the slightest hint of his crush. At times, he’d swung too far in the other direction, harping endlessly on Alicia’s minimal flaws (such as her inability to be punctual), seeming like he actually despised her. But he preferred that to revealing the truth, which would surely alter their trio’s dynamic forever. Besides, the odds seemed good that Alicia didn’t feel the same way, so what was the point of baring his soul for no reason?

Leif, Link's alter ego in the book, does not want to show emotionality at all but it is a case of romance. Of course, with a girl. But a girl who was his best friend, come crush.

They also didn't speak about that weird agreement they had for a while 4-5 years ago to stop seeing each other outside work. Yes, this is true. They had an agreement to dedicate more time to their families and less to themselves. They explicitly said in an old EB that once they returned to NC for Christmas, if they accidentally met up in some supermarket corridor, not only they shouldn't talk to each other, they should also avoid eye contact! I think it was in the same EB, when they said that in an effort to regulate their "friendship" nothing they did should get out of the norm at all. And the example they offered - not so wisely - was: "Oh you're helping me with my seatbelt? Alarms go off. You don't usually help me put my seat belt". And again this is not 20 year old paranoid Rhett and Link. We are talking 4-5 years ago. And it was a new arrangement between them, for some reason. Mysteriously enough, about a year later they said job was draining their friendship and actively tried to find more time for them as friends.

There, you see. Unfortunately this time they did not explain how all this conforms to a typical close laconic male friendship. However they like to call what they have, it is not typical.

Anon #2 said:

He said it was negative in the past. They were taught to hate being gay or other gay people growing up and this must have been very hard to get rid of as adults. To be honest, no matter how many rainbows and proud Mythicality t-shirts they wear, I feel they always struggle a bit inside with this. They want to change but childhood teachings get the tightest grip on you. Let alone they were apparently getting the gay "accusation" since they were very young and because of this they must have lived in fear and uncertainty.

Let's consider this: non-confrontational Rhett was more mad at the guy who was making jokes that Link and he are gay than he was about a friend of his and his girlfriend cheating on him. Wow. The TONS we could unpack in this.

The stuff we could unpack in Rhett saying he went peacefully to that boy spreading the rumour but then somehow the boy ended up in the principal's office all the same.

The stuff we could unpack in them reasoning that it was weird they were considered gay even though they were dating the two sexiest girls in school. (Whispers: the attractiveness doesn't really have anything to do with evidence of your straightness, on the contrary the straightest you are, the more women you are going to be attracted to without being overly nitpicky). Or as if it hasn't been long established that Link just sat there doing nothing while he had girls throwing themselves to him.

The stuff we could unpack in Rhett immediately breaking up with the cheating girlfriend but seeing the friend with whom she cheated on him the next day and being like "heeey man lol haha". a) The misogyny involved, I mean, even Link was like "I am not gonna partake in this", because apparently the girlfriend was a promiscuous woman, the friend was the pal who did what men do, b) he clearly was not in love with the girl, Link confirmed Rhett was hurt but not mad, yes he was hurt because his pride was wounded otherwise he clearly did not care a bit about her besides finding her sexually attractive and clearly he would not sacrifice even a standard random friend for her sake, c) he wanted to act cool, not like a sentimental weak boy who ends friendships for... a girl and whine-cries to another guy. Such a macho man, right? He doesn't even care another bro used his girl! *the disgust I feel right now tho*

And this is not a one time thing, Rhett has said how he was totally obsessed with girls all the time and then the moment he got in a relationship with somebody, the relationship fizzled out quickly. I assume he could not channel his sexual needs due to his spiritual beliefs and therefore he soon lost interest because he did not form an emotional bond with his girlfriends. Equally, the girls had neither the emotional nor their sexual needs met and that's why they would lose interest in him quickly too.

Rhett reasoned that that boy called them gay because he was friendzoned by their girlfriends and was jealous. He did not tell us his perspective on what his friends thought about him doing such a bad thing to their boyfriends! Whose side did the girlfriends take and how much did they care? Or were there concerns the girls were voicing to their friends that gave their friend the opportunity to crack a big joke at Rhett and Link's expense?

No it's not that the society doesn't like male closeness so that it explains it as romantic - it's that the society fears constantly that two males may be romantic so it condemns their closeness in advance. That's what they were saying. Again, the episode was a conundrum because they implied they felt burdened by the constant social presumptions yet at the same time they described their friendship as very common, stereotypically male and not based on expessions of care and appreciation. So... honestly I have no idea. It's like you were listening to 34 year old Rhett and Link talk.

Anon #3 said:

Yes, Anon, I agree with you, except for the theory that they are not aware of their feelings for each other. No, they are no five year olds. And they have been together too long to not have realised what they feel. Let alone that I think they acted on it years ago but again apparently I am wrong in everything XD

But, they do have serious daddy issues. Link had an absent father and Rhett had a never pleased father for whose splinters of appreciation he struggled constantly. Their daddy issues have shaped their personalities a great deal and one would think their sexualities as well, had they not explicitly denied that in the latest EB. So.. I dunno what to say. But given this episode, I don't expect a coming out any time soon, if ever. It's weird, I can't reconcile this podcast with all their latest R&L videos, and all Link's "I want to jump out of the plane", "I want to celebrate who I really am" and tearing up, like, what the heck is all this? This thing had such a different energy. As a result, yes they also sounded emotionally stunted and although I already thought there was room for improvement in this department anyway, this time it was uncharacteristically worse.

It's also how they said that they base their friendship on shared interests and not on connection and Rhett said he asks Link about his life but it's not the priority over a shared hobby or creating for the job. Again, it comes in such a contrast with them knowing every single thing about each other and when they forget some minor detail, the other is about to snatch their head off. Aren't all these things...true? Am I making this stuff up? For real. It seemed to me like they made their friendship a great disservice and it's not even about the romance at this point.

I also loathed that...um... hopefully joke about how Link is gonna deal once Rhett and Christy are gone. Especially about Christy. Saying that once she dies, supposedly in old age, 85 year old Link would jump on dating immediately and would take aiding pills for his dick to work. I know it was a joke but it was so, so cheap. So apparently new Link is so straight and horny, he's gonna be the new Mick Jagger or Al Pacino. And is he gonna be dating other 85 year olds down for sex or is he gonna go play in the younger field? And of course not a single word for grievance for the wife of 65 years! Again, I realise it was a joke and I am taking this too seriously but after all this emotional stuntedness, like you also observed, this was for me the cherry on top and it really put me off big time.

The interesting thing is that in all this unpleasant emotional obtuseness, there were still a few intriguing moments. Most were by Link. The first was how Link emphasised mostly on the fear of losing Rhett rather than Christy and he said that he is making a lot of friends so that, if he loses Rhett, they can keep him "above ground". VERY interesting choice of words and very very strong. Could he ever mean that literally?!

Another classic Link moment we had was when Rhett said that he had finally formed an emotional bond with his wife after all these years of freaking living together and Link could not stop himself from asking "Is this really enough?" First of all, well, Link, it is near enough. If the emotional bond is not the strongest thing to a relationship, what is? Of course physical intimacy is very significant but the need for it varies from person to person. However, I have never heard of a person entering a longterm committed relationship without at least emotional bonding as the absolute prerequisite. So what was this? Maybe Link's typical quickness to belittle Rhett's relationship with his wife, even in this episode in which he was certainly not supposed to. Besides, it was totally out of place since the whole point in this episode was how even men secretly yearn for emotional intimacy. So Link should be happy Rhett found this in his wife, not question it and downplay its importance.

He also scoffed when Rhett referred to Jessie as "my beautiful wife", as is also typical of him.

Lastly, another weird ass moment was when Link explained he initially was sad he is the one to initiate their meetings but he grew to appreciate that Rhett does not initiate but he is always up for his suggestions. Rhett did not object to that. Excuse me, don't we know the exact opposite to be the case? Isn't it always Rhett the one to come up with ideas about what to do, how to connect, where to go out and Link either accepts or dismisses his ideas? And then Rhett works with what Link accepts? Isn't this the very foundation of their dynamic??? It's like I am going crazy??? LMAO

It was honestly a different Rhett and Link. Or I had different ears. I don't know. But you can message me anytime!!!

Anon #4 said:

Well that EB episode was a very good start.

To be clear, it can't easily make me unthink everything I have thought all these years but it can make me change my mind about their future, what they want from it and how their relationship will evolve. Their future dynamics also have to be consistent in order for this EB to be proven to be sincere, because it certainly isn't consistent with their past dynamics on screen for all the reasons I already discussed. Again, I don't want to be that person but I explained this in detail, many statements there come in contrast with older statements. I will however stress again that they did look honest. So, there's that.

It will be interesting to see what their next main channel videos are going to be like. Have they uploaded the risky video yet after all? Was it the 1984? And if yes, what exactly made it the riskiest since they made a whole episode about them having trouble enjoyring their repressed male friendship out of fear of being mistaken as gay, even though even the 1984 video wasn't enough for any serious number of people to consider it had any homosexual undertones? Is it gonna be the next one, the supposed fourth? And if so, how? How and why risky? And if it is risky this way, how will they justify this EB episode then? Subversing expectations like in Game of Thrones? This is reality here. It can't be that. And as we are at it, what was so self-expressing in the Digging A Hole video? Because I thought it fitted very well as an allegory of a secret sexual relationship but apparently that wasn't the case. So how was it a deep project of expression? Only Rhett and Link know. I frankly still think I make more sense in my wild theories than they do in their own podcast. But it is not a very good thing for me to say.

Link had said in the first EB discussing the new videos, that there was an important question they had, waiting to be answered by the reception of one of the videos and once they knew, this would inform their next steps. Is this about the work? Is this about what they create? Or is it about something more personal?

Could it be that they saw something in these videos' reception, like maybe, a stubborn refusal from the fans to view them as allegories, which made them conclude that this is not the way to communicate with the people or that the people consciously or subconsciously do not want to receive that particular message? So they went plan B? Like Anon # 3 suggested, to make the people believe a certain thing for good so they can go on living their truth undisturbed for good?

I don't know. Just one more wild theory in a sea of apparently wild theories.

[oxfordthyme]

The Duality of Max

An emotional story about trauma, shame and love hiding inside a very smutty, very dark fic. NSFW

Max Mayfield has just begun senior year at Hawkins High alongside her stepbrother Billy, her best friend Eddie and her possibly-more-than-friend Steve. As she navigates an inter-clique romance among tribal high school politics, tensions between her and Billy explode at home, and she becomes trapped in a secret and extremely abusive relationship. The rest of Hawkins has no idea what is going on behind closed doors at the Mayfield-Hargrove house, and Max intends to keep it that way.

Billy x Max x Steve (all aged up to 18+)

Rating: Explicit, 18+ only

Genre/vibes: Romance, dark romance, drama, whump, hurt/comfort, angsty, smutty

Warnings: Sexually explicit content, heavy non-con (dead dove: do not eat), abuse, narcotic use, brief descriptions of suicidal thoughts

Word count: 86,735

Author's notes: This is my first finished public longfic! It was strangely cathartic to write. I will say it's not for the faint of heart as there are some very intense non con scenes. There is a sweet, funny romance & friendship at its core but everything else is VERY dark. It's ultimately a story about trauma, shame, and how toxic masculinity keeps those alive and continues cycles of abuse. How a shamelessly smutty fic turned into all of that, your guess is as good as mine.

Chapter 1 Excerpt (Read more on AO3 HERE)

The buckles on Billy's boots jangled as he strolled up to Max and Steve. He had his faded leather bomber on, but despite the plummeting temperature, half of his shirt was unbuttoned, as usual. It was like his chest was allergic to fabric.

“Well, well, well,” he said, glaring at her as he approached. “Why am I not surprised?” He looked at Steve. “Slumming it with the burnouts tonight, Harrington?” 

Steve shrugged. “We were having a nice time before you and your nipples showed up.”

Billy smiled, a malicious glint in his eye.

“Relax,” Eddie said, walking back to Max holding his hands up, “this one’s on me. I picked her up from Rita’s.”

“Mind your own business, Munson. We’re leaving, Max.”

“She’s an adult, man,” Steve said, “she doesn’t have to listen to you.”

Billy raised his eyebrows in amusement. “Is that right?”

Max looked between Steve and Billy nervously. Billy was smiling, but the malicious glint had turned to intent. She’d seen him fight before; he was frighteningly quick, strong, and ruthless. Eddie was not a fighter, and she didn’t know about Steve, but, most likely, Billy would beat the shit out of both of them and enjoy it.

“Hey, man,” Spike said, “come hang, have a drink.” Max couldn’t tell if he was trying to play peacemaker or was genuinely oblivious to the tension.

Billy ignored him. He and Steve glared at each other.

“Or—you know, just throwing out options—you can fuck off,” Steve shrugged.

“I was just about to suggest the same,” Eddie said, crossing his arms.

Steve and Eddie’s sharp tongues wouldn’t help them in a fight. Max shot a warning look at them, but neither saw her. Billy’s eyes flashed as he took a step towards Steve, and Max’s heart jumped into her throat. She hurriedly stepped between them.

“Stop,” she said, “come on, let’s just go home.”

“Max—“ Steve said, but Max silenced him with a stern look and subtle shake of her head.

“It’s okay,” Max said, “I’m tired anyway. Really. I’ll see you guys later.” Her friends looked at her sadly as she tugged at Billy’s arm. He looked down at her and shot a final derisive glance at Steve before he turned around, yanked his arm from her and strode toward the Camaro. ---------------- Max anxiously gripped the passenger’s side door as Billy sped through the dark country roads. She was afraid—of his driving, of him, and of what he might do to make her life even worse now that their parents were gone for almost two weeks.

He was quiet, but she knew he was furious. Of course he was angry; he was always angry, and, honestly, so was she. She had just turned eighteen, so she should be free of Billy and her stepdad Neil’s oppressive bullshit. But as Neil liked to remind her: his house, his rules—and he was a raging misogynist, so those rules were different for Max than for Billy. Billy was only a year older than she was, but he and Neil treated her like like a child. It was infuriating.

Billy had repeated a grade sometime in elementary school, so he and Max had been in the same class together since sixth grade back in California. They were acquaintances at best back then, but in their freshman year, they became enemies pretty quickly when their parents met and married.

Max loathed Billy’s father, Neil; he was a bigoted misogynist and when she and her mother Susan moved in with him and Billy, Max frequently ran away to stay with her father, a kind-hearted but unstable gambling and drug addict. Neil made the unilateral decision that Max’s father should be cut out of her life, and he accepted a job as the head of the police union in Indiana, forcing them all to uproot their lives and Billy and Max to start junior year in a new town.

Billy blamed Max for being ripped out of his hometown, and only seemed to be content when he was able to make her as miserable as he was. Neil encouraged him to take on the role of overprotective brother, and Billy used it as cover to antagonize and control her.

All she wanted was to do make the most of her senior year, but Billy thwarted her every attempt.

Billy lit a cigarette, inhaled and exhaled smoke through his nose. “I warned you about lying to me,” he said, a little too calmly. “You fucked up, Max.”

Max scowled at him. “Why can’t you just mind your own business?”

“You are my business, dipshit,” he said, “Something happens to you, it’s my ass. Not enough that you get us moved to this shit hole town—“

Max rolled her eyes, “Are you still bitching about that? We’ve been here for a year. What, are you jealous that I made more friends than you?”

“You call those burnouts friends? All they do is get you shitfaced.”

“I thought you liked Spike.”

“Spike put fucking ‘ludes in your drink last week.”

“That was an accident. He thought it was his.”

“Don’t be an idiot. That asshole drugged you and I had to cut my night short to drag your sorry ass home.”

Max crossed her arms. “I would’ve been fine without you. Eddie was there.”

Billy snuffed as he finally pulled into their driveway. “Yeah, he was probably waiting for you to pass out so he could have a chance to fuck you.”

“You’re an asshole,” she snarled, shooting him a disgusted look before she got out of the car and stormed into the house.

Max took off her jacket, tossed it on the couch, then paused, realizing she left her camera in the car. She turned around to go back outside but Billy walked in and slammed the door behind him, glowering at her. He strode toward her and she instinctively stepped back until she hit the wall. He was almost always angry with her, but something was different about the fury in his eyes tonight.

“You’re delusional if you think your stoner friends can protect you.”

“I can handle myself. Last week was a mistake.”

“Do you want to get raped, Max? Is that it?”

Max bristled. “Fuck off,” she said, and tried unsuccessfully to push him aside. Suddenly, his hand shot out and grabbed her by the throat.

Max’s hands flew to his, trying to pull his fingers away from her neck to no avail. He slammed her against the wall.

He had surprised her; she didn’t have time to take in any air before he cut off her airway and she couldn’t speak. She pushed against his chest and hit him, but he didn’t let go. He just smirked at her, trying and succeeding in making his point: she had no hope of overpowering him. Billy was a foot taller than her, significantly stronger, and there was something in his eyes that made her worry about the lengths he’d go to hammer his point home.

Read more on AO3 HERE

[noglorysavehonor]

Just read the book If You Could See The Sun by Ann Liang.

I liked it a lot, especially considering it's not really my genre! It was almost everything I wanted out of a Gen Z, class-conscious, YA straight romance book. As someone who isn't Chinese, but has had many Third Culture friends, I really enjoyed reading its exploration of the Chinese / Third Culture Kid experience.

I do think for the author's first novel it's a very strong work. The characterization and growth of the protagonist was strong, and felt emotionally authentic. The exploration of class and race and culture shock is well-integrated to the plot, and feels neither grimdark nor saccharine... the people just feel like people, not paragons or villains. I think both of these areas were real accomplishments!

My main critiques are about the ending, which IMO is also always the hardest part to pull off. It also means I can't easily talk about my feelings in detail without spoilers, so I'll put em under a readmore.

Overall, for my tastes, I'd give the book a B (85/100). But if a YA romance set in an international highschool in Beijing with class consciousness and mild supernatural elements sounds like your kind of book, I strongly recommend it. I knew going in that it's not my normal thing, and I enjoyed it anyways!

Okay, my (long) thoughts on the ending under the cut:

[Before I start, in case you're a megafan (or the actual author herself??): These critiques come from a place of love and respect; I Am Not A Hater. I just have strong personal opinions about what I want to see in a story ending, and wanted to express them while analyzing how the book didn't fulfill them. My opinions are not facts, art is subjective, etc. ANYWAYS.]

My biggest complaint is pretty common with the way straight romances are often portrayed, and is a major pet peeve of mine:

The payoff of a romance, for me, is hearing the other person say what they like about the protagonist!

Henry's interest in Alice is always implied, of course, but there's never a scene where he outright says every single little thing he adores about Alice (flustering her terribly in the process!) Instead, the payoff of the romance is watching him flex his richboy power to help her (which is great, and I don't begrudge it) and then the kiss.

The kiss is...it's fine. I understand making it the center piece. But I wish it had more to back it up.

I think this sort of approach to writing romance is based on the idea that... you want to leave the romantic lead vague so that the reader can fill in what elements they'd like best. But for me, I want the complete opposite approach. I want to know exactly what these two people are like, and exactly why they like each other!! The whole pull of romance media is seeing two weirdos fit each other perfectly!!

First-person romance especially is so good when we finally get to hear how the protagonist is being interpreted by outside viewers. Which the novel does explore, a bit, with her Study Machine nickname! But I was so sad when it didn't give Henry the chance to explain himself and let us understand him better.

That would have allowed us to reread the whole book while understanding what Henry's moments of bare affection are about! That sense of dramatic romantic irony is so delicious and makes romance stories so re-readable! AND- wouldn't it have been wonderful to watch Alice try her best to deflect and argue Henry out of every positive trait he lists?? To get almost ANGRY that he dares to love her as a flawed person, not just for her successes!!!

AUGH.

Anyways sdkdflkjsd those are my Romance Critiques. (I had the same major complaint with Kimi no Na wa, too...)

My other main critique is: It feels like her characterization as being strongly self-analytical fell off at the end.

I think the best way of pointing it out is the scene in which she lies to her Baba about the true nature of the Beijing Ghost app without feeling a shred of guilt. It felt a little odd given her characterization of strong guilt and filial piety in the rest of the book.

Plus, it's a tough pill to swallow that... she had this entire major thing going on in her life, and she's just not ever going to open up about it with her family, who clearly deeply love her. I recognize that it would be pretty hard to do so given her family dynamic and potential legal consequences. But still, I'd at least like an acknowledgement that it's a sucky position for her to be in, to have to lie (for the rest of her life?) about that.

And while she does recognize that she's been chasing what other people find valuable and not considering what she wants... and she also realizes that if she, as a kid of a poor family, is offered A Million Yuan to do a crime, that's deeply coercive and she shouldn't be held completely at fault while the rich person gets off scotch free (we LOVE the class consciousness!!!)...

I guess I would have loved to see her put two and two together and recognize that Airington is genuinely a bad place for her to be. That she is destroying her health, committing a HUGE amount of crime, and has ZERO social life, all so she can fit to a mold that wasn't meant for her, and kicked her out as soon as her desperation became too evident.

Which, like, she got a chance to call the school out for those things, which is awesome! Very necessary catharsis! And she was close to realizing this stuff, like in the hotel scene where she can't bring herself to enjoy the socialization. She just doesn't make much more progress past that point.

TL;DR: I think overall there's an understandable desire to speed up the narrative once we're past the big climax, but I feel like it went by so fast that important threads of character development lost their chance to reach satisfying conclusions. So a lot of things I personally wanted to see happen in the romance and her own personal growth never got shown.

(Maybe at some point I'll write down my whole visualization of how I would rewrite the ending to address all these things. Listen. The Fanfiction Instinct is upon me. Which means I liked the book! I only ever want to remix stories I really enjoyed! It's a compliment! slkdfjdslkjf)

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

This was the hardest monthly wrap up I ever had to do because I forgot about it until like two days ago and my brain is not at its best and I'm tired so I can't really write a lot. So anyway as usual, spoilers and opinions below, read at your own risk.

QL - Currently Watching

🇹🇼 Blue Canvas of Youthful Days [2/12] - I really like the look of this show and all the art. I'm not yet sold on the main couple as a possible item but I really like the characters individually. I adore the second couple. The scene with the hearing aid was beautiful and I like the fact that it's not about the couple. Perhaps in a bl from a different country this would be about them finally being able to communicate, but because Liu knows sign language, it's simply about helping Tan Yin. Don't know why but I really liked this.

🇰🇷🇹🇭 Eccentric Romance [8/12] - It's not the worst thing ever but at several points during the episodes I find myself asking, what am I watching?

🇹🇭 Every You, Every Me [4/8] - This show constantly surprises me. The different stories every week and the aspec rep was how they got me at first but now I'm invested in the meta and the absolutely adorable mains. And this show is just so gorgeous to watch.

🇹🇭 Fourever You [5/16] - Beautiful Pond. Cute Earth. I'm annoyed. Hopefully the next couple is better in terms of storyline.

🇹🇭 Jack & Joker [8/12] - Can they just get together first and then give me all the drama? I'm okay with that. I actually liked Love Mechanics, so give it to me. But Jack is all over the place with his behaviour, he says Joke is family and they seem to have a shared view of the future, and they sure behave as if they're a couple, but then he hides things from Joke, supposedly 'for his own good'. I feel for Joke, because he's being jerked around by Jack.

🇹🇭 Kidnap [8/12] - I love Ohm. And that is the one and only reason I'm still here.

🇰🇷 Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo [6/8] - I'm obsessed. I think about this show way too much. It's painful and beautiful, brilliant writing and visuals and I need it to be over but I don't want it to end. I think we're gonna have a second time skip since they are not in our present yet and I just want to see them happy.

🇰🇷 Love in the Big City [4/8] - Obsessed in a total different way. This story is like an open tab in my brain at all times. I'm dreaming of edits and gifsets. I think of Young and my chest tightens. I'm having a hard time writing about the second part of the show because it's just so much, although it feels lighter than the novel. I'm dreading the next part.

🇯🇵 Love is a Poison [7/10] - I love it here. Everything about it. This being Shiba's first love sure explains a lot, and the onsen date was amazing. I think the actors are nailing this.

🇹🇭 Peaceful Property [10/12] - I've said enough about it. I'm here for TayNew and trying to just ignore everything else.

🇹🇭 Perfect 10 Liners [1/24] - And so it begins. Every gmmtv boy is here and they are all playing engineers. They got two Flukes and everything. I wish Force wasn't once again an asshole jock and Book the clueless fool but I guess that's too much to ask. This is the couple I'm least interested here so I want to see the rest.

🇹🇼 See Your Love [3/13] - Taiwan just doing giving all the rep with disabled characters and as usual a parade of bl actors. It's fine for now.

🇯🇵 Smells like Green Spirit [6/9] - I love Mishima. I think the scenes with him and Kirino are always great. I'm still not totally on board with the romance but I'm somewhat fascinated with Yumeno.

QL - Finished

🇹🇼 First Note of Love - I feel like I need to rewatch this as a binge because I think this format didn't help this particular show. Although I like the mains and I really liked the actors, their romance never truly clicked for me. I need more of the sides. The language banter was my favourite thing about this.

🇹🇭 I Saw You In My Dream - This is super cute. They are all adorable and they actually communicate. Ultimately I was a little underwhelmed about the concept.

🇹🇭 Monster Next Door - It's fine. I like Big and he was great here. But I've already forgotten everything about this.

🇭🇰 Our Golden Times - I watched it. It was okay.

🇹🇭 Reverse 4 You - Pretty show. Good concept. Not great execution all the way through.

Dropped / On Hold

Waiting to binge - 🇹🇭 The Loyal Pin | 🇹🇭 Apple | 🇻🇳 Teenager Judge

Rose Watches OJBL

Same Difference aka Docchi mo Docchi (2014) - I don't even know what to say. It's not good. That's it.

Others - Watched

🇯🇵Densetsu no Head Sho| 🇰🇷Black Out | 🇯🇵Double

Upcoming Shows - November

As usual my ask box is open. Have a wonderful weekend💜

[therubyreader]

My Review of Lockwood and Co. [Netflix]

See a full list of my book reviews here

*Disclaimer: there will be spoilers later on in the review*

Review Word Count, non-spoiler: 871 Review Word Count Total: 1,517

Trigger warning for the contents of this show: death, violence, creepy ghost faces, mild horror, very brief gun violence (let me know if I missed any)

I know, this isn't a book, technically. While I am usually a book/book review blog I have come with my first ever tv show review that's based on a book series so close enough. Now I know what you're saying, "Val, why don't you just read the books, it'll fit your concept" but quite frankly I don't want to. This isn't meant to be a diss towards the author, I'm sure the books are great, but it's just because the ven diagram of books I like to read and movies/shows I like to watch mostly overlaps save for a few things like ghost stories. I honestly don't know why I can't read ghost books but I can watch ghost shows and movies, for the most part because I am a wimp so it can't be too scary. But I have heard multiple people say that it's the most accurate book to screen adaptation ever so I will trust those people and we'll count this towards my book review list.

Anyways, about the show. Lockwood and Co. takes place in an alternate reality London where ghosts are real and they pose a threat to the city at large, because if you get touched by one you die. In this reality the only people who can see ghosts are gifted children, they posses some combination of either ghost sight, touch, or hearing, but usually one more so than the others, and they are able to use these gifts to track down and contain these ghosts. As they age their gifts start to fade so the entire ghost containment industry is staffed by child soldiers.

Now we get to our main character, Lucy Carlyle who is a listener, and after a ghost hunting adventure gone wrong, leading to the death of some of her friends, she leaves her small town in northern England for London hoping to create a fresh start for herself there. After unsuccessfully trying to join a prestigious London agency she manages to find Lockwood and Co. (roll credits) a ghost hunting agency run by two teenage boys, Anthony Lockwood, the one who's name is on the door, and his best friend George Karim. Lucy joins up with them and together they hunt down ghosts and solve the mysteries that take place over the course of the first two books in the series.

I do have so much to say about this show but for the sake of your eyes I'll try to keep it short, key word try. Overall I loved it, this show has a good mix of action, mystery, comedy, and even a slow burn romance (which I will get to in more detail in the spoiler part of the review). If you can stomach the aforementioned content warnings then I recommend the show to you. It honestly has something for everyone, and if you're not super into plot (which I don't know why you wouldn't be) the characters do really carry a lot of the story. Their internal battles and struggles propel the story forward just as much as the actual ghost hunting. You can see these characters really learn and grow over the course of the show, and they make mistakes and have real problems that most people can relate to. There is also a found family trope which I absolutely love, because who isn't a sucker for found family, and there's even a point where Lucy calls them her family which I thought was cute and sweet.

Something that I don't think this show gets enough credit for is the lighting. Now I'm not an expert on cinematography, I literally took one film class in college and it's been two years since that happened so I'm just winging it here, but the lighting of the show is great. I know its been a common theme for a lot of media recently to be horribly lit, like everything is super dark for no reason, but this show, despite most of the action taking place at night, was well lit, you could see what was happening. I hope the editors of the show win multiple awards for that and also the rest of the editing. The ghosts, for the most part, don't look super cheesy and weird. Sure the first one is kind of cartoony but the rest of the series has ghosts that look pretty creepy and you can understand the fear the characters feel. There are also different types of ghosts that all look different despite all being ghosts and the editors do a great job of making them all look unique and scary but also ghostly.

I am really really really hoping Netflix renews the show for a second season and beyond because it was just so good. I honestly binged it in one day and I'm rewatching it right now with my brother because I need him to experience it. It's honestly at the point where I keep checking google at least once a day to see if it's been renewed. If it isn't I'll actually cry for real. But yes, I recommend this show to quite literally everyone, please watch it, I need another season especially after the cliffhanger ending.

Spoilers Below!!!

You all know I have to talk about it: Locklyle. Listen, I am a sucker for a good slow burn but on the other hand I am extremely inpatient so I want it to happen now. According to my research (because I'm a fucking nerd) Lockwood and Lucy don't get together in the books which is upsetting, apparently it's only implied at the very end of the last book which is kind of rude tbh. It looks like the writers are playing into the fact that they like each other so I hope it becomes cannon in the show because if all that build up is for nothing I will cry.

My favorite part of the whole Locklyle thing is when on two separate occasions Lockwood was confronted with how him and Lucy look at each other by two separate people. And they're right, the way they look at each other is adorable (hey God, I know you're tired of me, but hear me out). Also the way that they would just casually hold hands? Like if you blinked you would miss it, that's just how casual and cute they were and I ate it up.

The previously mentioned research was me trying to find out what exactly the necklace that Lockwood gave Lucy was. Which, side note, was super cute and the fact that Lucy just kept it on for the rest of season if I'm remembering correctly. But, going back to the research, I was trying to figure out what the necklace actually was, like I can't make out what the shape of it is, which book readers please tell me what it's supposed to be I don't care if you spoil the plot for me. I did come across an article that mentioned the necklace but also that Lucy and Lockwood don't end up dating in the books which is why I was talking about that earlier, and I swear to everything holy the show writers better not do that to me.

On to my main dude George, aka probably my favorite character. With the exception of him being mesmerized by the mirror and making dumb choices because of it, he was a solid dude. My favorite part is definitely when they're in the graveyard and he's just talking shit about all of the kids on night watch and when one of them hears him he just tells her to "go write a poem about it" and I was losing my mind, it was so funny.

I feel like George is so underrated, every time I look into the Lockwood and Co. tag on here there are just posts about either Locklyle or Lockwood x reader fan fiction but nothing for my main dude George. This isn't to say I read the fan fics, I haven't read any since I was in my teens (once again, being old on main) but also because the characters are technically teenagers, even though the actors that portray them are my age, reading fan fic about kids as a grown adult feels icky. Also this isn't me trying to discredit any of the authors, I'm in support of you all, it's just not my thing. But can we please have more George related content, he is so good and pure, and also I have a newfound crush on Ali Hadji-Heshmati that needs to be fueled.

Honestly I could keep talking for ages about this show, and I honestly might especially since I'm rewatching it and looking to see if I can pick up on any new details that I missed, so I guess be making more posts about the show as time goes on. But if there were any scenes in the show that you want me to talk about, drop an ask, I'm down to scream and fan girl about it for the rest of forever.

Tag list: @batteredbooks @chibi-chellist

[wander-wren]

THE POINT ABOUT SHIVER BEING A CASHGRAB THAT GOT DERAILED

i’m actually semi-qualified this time! i’ve done a lot of research into publishing, bc i want to Get Published, and i happen to have recently written a small essay on maggie stiefvater so i have info about how shiver came to be.

i also have a lot of anger. i will try to contain it. ahem. also i apologize to the person/people who made the cashgrab allegations originally, i am not mad at you so much as at the general world/attitude. patpat. we’re all good buddy

basically, i don’t think shiver was a cashgrab. i try not to have parasocial relationships with authors, but i do think maggie stiefvater is dedicated enough to authenticity to not, like, do that. specifically i remember reading this blog post about author-reader and reader-author responsibility.

everything i’m about to say, unless stated otherwise, comes from maggie’s interview on the First Draft podcast. i’m too lazy to track down links, but i’ll try to at least say where i got things from.

so, shiver is maggie’s third book. the first, she sold to a small publishing house for an advance that was around $2000 that’s small as fuck. the average advance is $25,000, the median is $50,000, and those numbers if memory serves come from a 2021 survey of debut authors.

(average and median, for people who are curious, are so far apart because most advances are on the smaller side, but big six and seven figure outliers affect the median. i think. i gave a speech on this but that was six months ago. i may be getting them backwards, the principle stands.)

so anyway, maggie sells her first book, ballad, buys a mattress, and keeps writing. she sells its sequel, lament, and also happens to have shiver ready at the same time. the house also wants shiver, so the two go together. ballad and lament both come out very quietly. shiver comes out about a year and a half later (i don’t know why, publishing is fickle), and immediately lands on the nyt bestseller list. this was august 2009. mstief couldve very well written it bc of the twilight paranormal romance boom, was probably writing it around 2005, 2006. lament was published january 2008, meaning both books had probably been bought in 2006 or 2007. but we don’t know what her thinking was.

small house, quiet releases, and none of the Peak twilight tropes. somehow i don’t think maggie was aiming for, or expecting, a cash grab.

and i hate this! i hate this assumption. not bc i think a very famous very successful author needs to be defended on tumblr, but because it’s such a common assumption that authors (especially ya, especially fantasy romance) are just out for money. it sucks.

first of all, publishing is almost impossible to make a living in. see those advances up there? they’re split into chunks. right now, usually quarters, each to be paid on a specific milestone of the publishing process. often, when the book comes out an author has not received all or even most of their advance payments. yes, that is stupid. we hate it too. and you can’t receive royalties until after the advance is paid, so that 25k or 50k or what-have-you may take two or three years to get to you. and then there’s taxes and a 15% cut for your agent. @xiranjayzhao (ohgod i’m so scared to tag you if you see this hii) has spoken before about how they could not live off the money from iron widow, despite it being a huge bestseller.

it’s very difficult to make a living off of books. it’s even more difficult to make a living off of books while being honest. people with ghostwriters or ai help or just a lot of determination can churn out dozens of crap romance novels and perhaps make that work. and that’s valid. yknow, i respect the hustle.

but quality and authenticity take time and this industry moves SO goddamn slow that even if you can write a sellable book in a month it’ll be two years before it comes out so what’s the point in writing to the current market?

i don’t care what you think privately about maggie stiefvater or shiver but i DO care that there’s this strange culture that if something is a little bit tropey or a little too much like something popular it has to be a cash grab. that authors are doing this for the money. some are. most aren’t.

maybe i’m just a bit sensitive bc i’m working towards hopefully the final round of edits on a book heavily inspired by six of crows and i agree wholeheartedly with the blog post i linked above. i’ve ranted before about how important authenticity in writing is to me and how much i hate the implication that i value quantity over quality or whatever the fuck.

so here’s a post that is probably too long with a whole lot of numbers to tell you that sometimes people are actually honest. and sometimes people do care about art for art’s sake. and if you don’t like a book, that’s okay, but at least dislike it for accurate reasons, thank you

[rainswept]

i’m not really interactive. i like to consume content and move on. it's easier just to get my instant gratification and keep myself from being perceived in any way because it makes me nervous. but even though i don't make use of tumblr’s basic functions, in my mindless haze i still remember feelings, words, and sometimes, urls too.

when i see “rainswept” i think of lyney. i feel like that's self explanatory, via the tag for lyney x reader, i found your blog. to be honest the first few times i came across your work i scrolled past it. wasn't really interested, wanted something shorter. but one morning, i was on the hunt again and actually sat down to read a fic from your account. it took me a while to process it after, and i was very distracted for the rest of the day. weeks later, still thinking about it, the words going from my head to a pit in my stomach that nothing seemed to satisfy. and then, strangely, i found myself looking up “rainswept” more and more often to reread instead of refreshing the daily “lyney x reader”

i dont know what model of brain you have, but it's great

your writing was not the idle comfort i was used to. it hurt to read, but it hurt worse to be without. i wanted to stay with my personal image of a flirty guy who's just that. flirty. easier to digest. i couldn't.

the way you described lyney in the few works i saw took my soft hand and shoved it into a hot fire of angst. longing. fire that rises, but also falls and churns like the sea. wholly consuming in its warpath. it did not let me keep that image of lyney. in fact, the tides of rising flame tore it away from me. burned it. because there's wayy more to be said about him and how he sees the world than who he falls in love with (“curtain call” is my roman empire)

absolutely crazy idea to me at the time. wow, imagine characters having actual feelings??? wtf. to be described so viscerally, picked apart by language and left crumpled amongst the carnage of your own being on a fandom page is to be loved. i want to love the way you do

so, to me, “rainswept” is the url that introduced me to really passionate interpretations of characters i like and the beauty of prose that holds you as if it were a lingering chill on the darkest of nights. i don't think i would be nearly as interested in trying to understand characters for who they are beyond romance without your work.

“rainswept” taught me how to love a character

it could have happened eventually with someone else's blog, but it was yours. through looking at your blog and the things you repost (v fun tags, by the way), i even found others i like too. (wow, it's almost like i’m discovering how the internet works!!!) you've indirectly taught me how to appreciate nuances in writing. now, i can proudly say my taste has definitely developed away from the 2018 wattpad era

that's pretty cool. character development for me i guess? i still have a long way to go before i can understand everything in my own way, but i’m learning. today was another one of those days where your url came to mind, it's been a while. i was more than happy to follow my whim

anyways! that's all, just thought i'd share. it's my first time sending an ask (´;︵;`) i had a lot to say, and i think i still have a lot to say, but i’m sure you know the difficulties of putting feelings into words. i wanted to make sure i expressed what i could before i lost the confidence to say anything at all

thank you for sharing your writing and silly thoughts, tumblr user rainswept

P.S. i would be sad if rain actually sweeps you off your feet, which is why i also offer an umbrella—in case the weather ever becomes too harsh. be safe, dude ☂️

long post i’m putting it under a read more

what in the WORLD anon. PH:WIYbpiHWbpi,HIDDNFLWUIEBFLIHABCKUGASVCKHVSEKUHBRWLUHBGW J,H?/?/?//

GOOD LORD i think something in me literally shattered with this ask. i am SHAKing TREMBLING EVEN i cannog even get a full BREAATH in i;m LOSING MY MIND

this ask is literally the reason i made my blog. the reason i ever posted to begin with. my writing ever being seen like this was my ultimate goal. if there was anything i’ve ever wanted it was this. to move people, to change their minds, to get them to see things beyond their outward appearances — and i guess i’ve achieved that because. oh my god.

i don’t know how to do this ask justice anon. i saw it and if i was standing i think i would have fallen over. you say my prose is beautiful yet yours left me breathless. seriously, not just because it being directed towards me meant so much but also just the quality of it. i understand not wanting to present yourself publicly on tumblr, but i think you are an amazing writer and if you ever did i’d be your first follower. i would read all of the writing of yours i could get my hands on. so if you have ever had any inkling to do that, do it. you only live once (and i’d go feral for it)

speaking of writing. aside from just writing because i want to, my whole mission of sorts on here is to change how people view characters. i know i can’t alter everyone’s perception — if they think someone like lyney is just flirty snd nothing more, they’re usually going to continue thinking that — but to know that i’ve had even one person change their mind on even one character is .. astounding. not even to mention changing how someone views characters as a whole? indirectly causing someone to look deeper into them, to analyze them closer, to pick them apart like you said, to feel more when reading about them? that’s absolutely insane (positive). i will never be the same after this actually.

i write to feel, and i write to make others feel, even emotions i or they may not want to. i like digging deep into characters, into pain and sadness, because i’ve always noticed that stories that hurt stay with me longer. they make me think and think and i keep going back to them. and they may not make me feel better, but i like it anyway because, to me, what is the point of reading if it isn’t going to stick with you? what is the point of feeling if, as soon as you pry your eyes away from the pages, the emotion fades with the ink?

to know that you kept thinking about my writing, then kept coming back, and that i altered the way you view characters is. crazy to me. absolutely crazy. despite desiring it so deeply, i never thought i’d have that effect on someone else.

maybe i changed how you view characters and writing, but you continue to give me the motivation to continue doing so. and actually both are so valuable to me. to know i have moved someone enough for them to send an ask like this. i don’t know how to put into words how much this,,, affected me?? i could honestly die peacefully right now. like this is all i’ve ever wanted.

“i want to love the way you do” i think you do. i think you have. i think to send an ask like this it may take more of it. this may have not been your intent or expected outcome but this has genuinely moved me. so so much.

“rainswept taught me how to love a character” oh my GOD.

i’m so glad you did have the courage to send this, because it means more to me than you know. i will cherish this forever. i’m so honored, both that what you wanted to say to me overpowered the fear of sending an ask and the fact that you even had these words to say to me to begin with. i get what it’s like to be afraid when it comes to reaching out, but know you will always be welcome here, whether it’s heartfelt words or genuinely anything. if you do have more to say, ever, i will absolutely welcome it with open arms

it takes a lot to reach out like this, but just know this is the most valuable interaction i think i have ever had on tumblr. if this doesn’t stick with me for life i think it’ll be safe to say i’ve lost all my memories. maybe i’m being dramatic, but i want you to know the extent that this has changed me (it’s fundamentally).

i don’t know how to say thank you for this. i think this will singlehandedly carry my motivation and will to keep creating for the rest of my life. i think i will keep writing because of it (and because of you, to know you are out there and once continued to return, even if i leave tumblr, even if you no longer do). to know someone out there was genuinely moved by what i also was is the greatest motivation i could ever dream of. whoever you are, i love you.

i was going to copy and paste some things you said and comment on them in particular, but i could literally do that to the entire ask. but i hope you know i will likely continue to reread every single word of this ask over and over until i can recite it because oh my god i will be thinking about this for the rest of my life

“curtain call is my roman empire” anon THIS is my roman empire 😭

this is so so all over the place because it made me so emotional LMAO i am so sorry. i don’t know how to summarize all i want to say, or go over everything you have said, but just know that i will keep every single word of this close to my heart and cherish it like i probably never have anything else.

thank you for everything. including the umbrella — rain doesn’t usually sweep me off my feet, but this ask did so i’ll use it for that instead.