#anyway. all that to say. yes someone else technically owns the building

[musubiki]

Didn’t you say once that Oscar was the one who like inherited or bought the place that they run the shop out of and live in? So… is Oscar technically the boss cause he owns the place?

THAT WAS AN IDEA I HAD YEAH!!!!!!!!! i do think its a very funny idea if mochi does not actually own the lease to the building so one of them has the leverage to hold it over her head. cant be mean to oscar otherwise hes gonna kick us out LOL

but i think she does own the actual shop!!! hed be more like a landlord at that point

i had that idea back before lime joined the m34th because reasonably at that point oscar would be the only one with actual income, but actually now that lime has a really good job it wouldnt be too farfetched to say that hes the one who bought the house........hm.....

[blushweddinggowns]

Eddie didn’t even remember falling asleep. One second he was cradling the love of his life and the next his phone was blaring by his ear, forcing his eyes open.

That wasn’t even right, it was too loud to be his phone. It was two loud shrieking noises, bad enough to wake them both up. Steve blinked up at him, seemingly just as confused on how they’d gotten here as Eddie was.

Emotional exhaustion was a hell of a drug.

He didn’t know how long they were asleep for when he grabbed his phone, sleepily answering, “Hello?”

“Where the hell have you been?!” Chrissy’s voice greeted him, “I have been hiding in a damn airport bathroom for forty minutes! Like three people have already recognized me and I swear to God, if you aren’t here before that catches on-”

Fuck, “Shit, I’m so sorry, I’m on the way. Forty minutes, tops.”

“That doesn’t answer where you’ve been.”

Eddie glanced over at Steve, watching as he answered his own phone, “Steve came by and we talked.”

“He did?” Chrissy asked, on the edge of hopeful, “What did he say?”

“Well-”

“You SAID you would call me if it worked out! And did you call? No! You didn’t! Nancy and I are literally circling his apartment building because for all I know he could have killed you-”

Eddie watched, amused as Steve scrambled to take his phone off speaker. He tried to calm her down, “Robin, I’m fine. I’m sorry, we just got distracted.”

Eddie could still hear her yelling on the other end, muffled but still clear enough, “And how the hell would I know you’re fine? You had one job Steven, one!”

“Eddie? You there?” Chrissy voice asked, one more added to the madness, “Don’t leave me on a cliffhanger here! What happened?”

But Eddie’s mind was already wandering. As much as he loved Chrissy, leaving Steve here wasn’t high on his list of priorities. There was still a lot to talk about and shoving his best friend into his face after they just made up probably wasn’t a great call. But Robin was right outside.

His mind settled on an idea, it was a little out there but Eddie was selfish enough to try. Besides, if Chrissy hated it he could just take Steve along. He was going to meet her eventually anyway.

“I’ll tell you everything,” Eddie reassured, still half-listening to Steve’s conversation, “But things are still kind of fresh. How would you feel about someone else picking you up from the airport?”

“Who?”

“Steve’s sister?” Eddie tried, fully ready for her to call him crazy. He’d have to give her that one. He did technically make her fly all the way out here just to try and ditch her at the airport.

But Chrissy didn’t sound very put out. If anything she sounded curious, “Wait, you mean the girl from the pictures?”

Eddie narrowed his eyes at the plural, “I only sent you one picture.”

The silence that followed told him everything he needed to know, “Have you been stalking this girl’s instagram?”

“I-no? Wait a sec, I’m not the one on trial here! Don’t interrogate me!”

Eddie rolled his eyes, but he’d give it to her, “But you’re open to the idea?”

“If you can guarantee I won’t be kidnapped and murdered maybe.”

“Fair enough,” Eddie said, turning to nudge Steve, “Hey baby, can you ask Robin a weird question?”

“Eddie wants to know if you’ll pick up Chrissy Cunningham from the airport,” Steve immediately asked. Evidently, Eddie hadn’t been the only one eavesdropping, “As long as you promise not to kidnap and/or murder her. But I’m going to add drooling too. Neither of you can make her uncomfortable, got it?”

It was kind of impressive how easily Steve turned that conversation around, like he knew exactly what Robin was going to say. Probably because he did.

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, yes! We’ll do it!” Eddie heard from the other line, from what sounded like two separate voices, “But can you warn her we’re fans? We can only act so normal for so long. But we can keep a secret! We won’t like expose her or anything!”

Steve rolled his eyes, “All you have to do is drive her to her hotel. You can handle it for that long.”

“I’m paying for your hotel by the way,” Eddie said on his end, “And warning her and her girlfriend are both fans.”

“Damn right you’re paying for it,” Chrissy agreed, “I still have your credit card from the last time you were here. And uh, you said they’re both fans? Nancy too?”

Eddie paused, “Just how deep into the cyberstalking hole did you go with these people?”

“J-Just give me her number! I’ll let you know when I get there. Then you owe me every detail the second you are officially back together.”

Eddie bit his tongue, as he glanced over at Steve. He was running a hand through his hair, trying and failing to calm down the still screeching duo. Yeah, he was going to take one more day with him.

“I will,” Eddie promised, “When we figure it all out you’re the first stop. We’re coming straight to you, okay?”

“Good,” Chrissy said, appeased, “Enjoy him alone while you can.”

“I will. Thank you, Chrissy,” Eddie said, completely sincere, “For coming all the way out here for my dumbass. I love you, dude. See you soon.”

“Love you too.”

He hung up around the same time Steve did.

“I feel like we just started something,” Steve yawned as he laid right back down, “But I don’t know what.”

From the latest chapter of this fic

[cillyscribbles]

my modern!cats au giving me, an avid non-smoker, thoughts about smoking and self image, of all things. i will put them under the cut, but meanwhile! enjoy this 1. shameless illustration of my own fic 2. tugger not quite loving the makeup (or costuming) of his poet-murderer role. (yes a local staging of roberto zucco changed my life, very nice of you to ask!)

so smoking bad etc etc don't smoke. anyway, all three brothers deuteronomy smoke, or at least have smoked for large chunks of their lives, albeit for wildly different reasons and standpoints.

munkustrap's been smoking since middle school, his start more or less aligning with the time period when old deuteronomy falls sick, grizabella ramps up her work, and munkustrap, at the ripe old age of maybe 14, starts managing the household and finances and whatnot.

he wishes he'd never started smoking, don't get me wrong. he wishes the relief of the thing wasn't worth it. he quits and starts again throughout the years, over and over and over, climbing into the third decade of the habit without being able to break it, never moving past the numbed feeling of failure for it. it's the one crack you'll occasionally catch in that aged picture of constant steadfastness and responsibility he's got going on.

to be unable to handle it all feels to him as good as giving up entirely. he smokes behind the school. he puts away the ashtrays when he has guests over. he doesn't like smoking with company, and he hates his shame being made known. if you'll allow me a pretentious second, it's sort of like an upward climb that he wants to take on alone so nobody else sees him stumble, and no one helps him if he twists an ankle. it's fine by him because he needs to be able to handle it himself. he needs to.

so. all this, versus tugger, who started well into adulthood and barrelled into it full and consciously. tugger, who smokes to replace sleep and sanity when his life runs on cigarettes and caffeine. but nothing more. he doesn't care to quit, he doesn't care to change. cigarettes look good between his fingers. he knows how to hold them pretty, like he knows everything else about himself that builds the picture he wants.

and, on a more interpersonal level, it upsets him that munkustrap is so acutely ashamed of it, the same way munkustrap is upset tugger is so casual about it. to some degree, though, i think that's because tugger's entirely hyperaware of how fragile life is and on how small a technicality shit can go sideways and end up killing him or anyone else. it's hard for him not to think about it. but it gives him some sort of strength to look for morbid humour in the things munkustrap wouldn't let himself laugh at, i think. it's gallows humour, to be fair, but it's good humour to tugger nonetheless. he finds stakes if not thrilling then certainly intriguing.

besides, making any sort of change to himself for other people, to tugger, is like betraying himself. he's built up that resistance to outside influence, and he's built it up hard and total. he doesn't mold, he doesn't bend, he'll do and look and say whatever he wants, he associates seeking validation strictly with misery. he doesn't understand munkustrap's frustration, or desire to please people, nor does he want to.

the thing with how tugger is, i think, is that he's just prodded at enough for both the street culture he grew up in and the inclination towards self-preservation of someone visibly queer to mesh together into something that can be spectacular and unmovable, and sometimes still turn ugly. i think curiosity is easy to push into cruelty with tugger.

shame is easy to mock for someone who's overcome it and tries hard to forget how insidious it can be. i think both munkustrap and tugger can be cruel to each other without wanting to and without really transgressing toward each other in a way that would dent their relationship, primarily because it's such a strong relationship but also because they're used to some sort of cruelty from the world at least, they just know better where to hit each other verbally to mess each other up. so. self-control, boys. comes to one of them easier than the other, LOL. and again, don't get me wrong. tugger doesn't want to be cruel to munkustrap, but it's not always a thing he can push away the instinct for. munkustrap doesn't want to be cruel to tugger, but he's been making hard decisions for ages and all but expects someone to be hurt by the end of it, and tugger is manageable. so. damn

[theactualsunshinechild]

Fontaine archon storyline still has the opportunity to do the funniest thing ever and try to make Mr. "Genocide on a Whim" Childe a Christ figure by somehow trying to sacrifice him to the primordial sea for the sins of all of Fontaine

That's definitely not the plan, but it would be very funny. I love the concept of making completely un-christ-like characters into christ stand-ins.

I just keep thinking about how much opportunity they have to pull off something very biblical here with the whole "born with sin" "flood to cleanse sins" "literally building Noah's ark" "statue of the seven technically holding a cross" "passing final judgment only belongs to one entity" shit they have going on.

The entirety of Fontaine so far is so full of Christian references, whether intentional or not, that they could absolutely Christ-ify Childe if they wanted to! They're like, halfway there, they just need to sacrifice his ass and bring him back to life and they'll check off bingo.

I would be so grateful if they literally killed and revived him. can you imagine how much extra MC level Angst TM they could stuff into this man?

I love giving my most pathetic meow meows the hardest battles.

plus the added moral quandry of "is it right it to kill one guy to save our whole country even though he is not Fontanian and is blessed(???) by the primordial sea whale thing (pure of their inherent fontanian sin, kind of a son of god equivalent moment)? Is it right to do even if he isn't exactly a good person?"

And then of course the fact that the vast majority of the people affected by this decision would probably say yes, hesitantly or not. Like, if it were a guaranteed fix to the prophecy, there is no doubt in my mind that Arlecchino would be willing to nail Childe to the metaphorical cross herself AND cover it up to his family.

Neuvillette would probably consider it unjust, but could maybe potentially be swayed by the weight of just how many lives would be saved vs One Dangerous Criminal argument. (A Christ and Pontius Pilate reference? Childe WAS arrested and tried and found guilty for a crime he didn't commit by a guy who was unwilling, but forced to pronounce him guilty).

Wriothesley would be against the idea of sacrificing someone legally under his care, but if it's that vs everyone else in the fortress??? He would rather it was himself, as hell bent on fixing issues thrown his way as he is, but the man doesn't even know if he's Fontanian or not, he doesn't have the same circumstances surrounding him as Childe does to even offer to stand in his place.

Basically, if it is a guarantee, sacrificing him is simply the most practical choice that most people would make. In fact, out of all the characters we have in Fontaine, I think only the traveler might even bother truly standing up for him to the very end, because everyone else is very Personally affected, since it's their own lives on the line as well.

And that would be heartbreaking

The ANGST of Childe looking around him and seeing no one in his side in the face of impending sacrificial execution would shatter me into pieces.

Oh god, can you IMAGINE a cut scene of Childe being the first person to be sentenced to death in Fontaine in over a century and desperately looking around and meeting the traveller's eyes and we fucking grit our teeth and look away? Can you IMAGINE?!

That would break me.

Anyway, I don't think they'll do it since that's just not how Genshin writes, but it sure would be a missed opportunity.

[arttrampbelle]

Don't buy or go by anything nrs be selling in mk12/mk1

It completely ruins all the characters,lore,and build up over the 30+yrs it's been around.

Go by your own stories and be done with it.

Rejecting "canon" and not buying their games is the best thing to do now as a fan.

Besides we got more important things to do than that rn. (Even as a mk fan i hate what they are doing to shang tsung. They are legitimately ruining him by trying to make him like every other fucking character BUT his own)

So yeah your hcs now? Cool,not my cup of tea nessicarly,but I'd sooner take them than whatever nrs is doing atm. For the most part i like what people be cooking.

Because guess what? Fans know they character sadly better than the current writers. Why? Because they give a fuck.

Not all of them truly encapsulates the character. But by god they get his gusto,his energy,and his hutspa so to speak. They understand the fundamentals and core basis of the character. They understand nuance and not making him to be a copy paste of every other villain and antag in the Franchise.

AND THEY DON'T BLAME HIM FOR THE CURSES AND PROBLEMS HE'S IN. mortal kombat is a brutal world. But nrs sure dont fucking act like it. Shang tsung is a fucking survivor. Period. Dark magic is actually honestly in that world,at least it makes sense to be. The fucking most destructive,easy,force. And what better way to dispose of a foe? You guessed it,soul magic and spells to absolutely obliterate your opponents.

Im not saying he didn't have consequences. Oh of course. But nrs writes it now so fucking cheesy and takes the easy route.

Yes he has set backs. But it's not because of his own doing. No. It is technically the gods fault. Thats how it's been. It's actually pointing out that he was put into this position. And they were mad he took a different path. It's legitimately going against what you are told you should do. And doing what you personally feel is right for you not what society or peers tell you is "acceptable"

God ffs people. Shang tsung is so fucking luciferian coded it's not even funny. But y'all at nrs misinterpreted that (and some fans too).

Like i could go on about the complexities of shang tsung and how i feel fucking nrs/boon/and the like do not fucking deserve such an amazing and deep antagonist like shang tsung. But I'd be here all day.

I'll leave it at.

Mk12/mk1 shang tsung sucks outside of his voice and aesthetics. Nothing else of the character is truly worth it. Some ideas for him are best left to be in the draft paper. And never touched until someone with a brain,media literacy and respect can't write him. Whomever that may be.

He can be driven to madness by soul magic. But that's not what kickstarts it. No the gods put him in a corner and the only way out was to rip n tear. Literally. Like he made his hell his home. He was emperor of his dominion. He is lord of souls(basically). Like he said "fine you want bad!? I'll show you bad!!!" And bad he became. But deep down,he doesn't want this. He wants peace. He wants to live,he can't. Because the gods won't let him because he plays the game better than them. Like i have so many fucking ideas for him and i feel that everytime i see someone,fans or offical sources say something that just feels like it could have been for another character and fits another character better. It pisses me off.

Like shang is amazing,but either actually write some for him,and his character,that actually fits or make an oc or write it on another character.

Ugh.

Anyways enough rambling.

Some fans and especially netherealm studios don't fucking deserve this character

I just have so many ideas. And so much to say about this characters persona and the intricacies on shang's mind and good fucking god i wish i could safely infodump with someone. Especially on HOW HE BECAME WHO HE IS AND HONESTLY I HAVE SUCH A CAREFULLY CRAFTED BACKSTORY FOR SHANG TSUNG. And how his well magic works and WHY he's such a master at it. I wish i could infodump with someone fr.

I have so much love for this character. I wanna write for mortal kombat so bad. But at very least for shang tsung.

Good lord.

[norcalbruja]

Met another potential anito, and the avengers have assembled for... vengeance?

I do not know what the fuck keeps happening with my attempts to contact other Filipinos, but it's happening again.

My friend's friend who I contacted for spiritual help just seems to keep losing track of me for WEEKS at a time. I've been trying to schedule a consultation and recently asked her if she was busy and I should talk to someone else, but she just said "thank you for being patient with me," so... I don't actually know if she's busy.

I don't want to keep hounding her every week for a CONSULT before I can actually get help, so I asked her now if it's easier to just pay her a bit for the phone consultation, and then I'll pay her more for a proper spiritual session, when we actually figure out what the hell is wrong with me.

So I've been dealing with pest issues in the apartment, and this is REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING, considering my landlords raised the rent when all they did was fix the counters and give the apartment building a shitty boring paint-job to make the outside "look nicer."

--

Meanwhile, Haik Number Four has constantly been remarking on how miserable I am and he's said something a couple of times like, "This is evil, what people have done to you."

So I was like, "Haik, technically nobody's done anything to me. I email or message folks in the art business for help and most people just don't answer. Neither do most of the anito." And he went, "Doing nothing IS evil! You specifically ask people for help, but they can't even tell you 'I'm sorry, but we don't have time!' They leave you floating around for weeks with no answer!"

Meanwhile, Tatay the ancestral spirit says Haik Number Four is just "being dramatic," but... yeah, Haik obviously doesn't agree with that.

But late one night, Tony Stark stepped into my spiritual "room" and he was like, "God, your life is a mess. It shouldn't have taken you ten fucking years to get your art off the ground! Your friends are doing okay, but you're just stuck in a day-job and living with your mom! You're AT LEAST as talented as the Fifty Shades of Grey author who filed the copyrighted parts off her FANFICTION, but you can't even get your own place, or recognition from RICH people!"

So I was like, "Yes, Tony, I know. You helped me with my laptop, at least. I just need... more help, unfortunately."

So he said, "And that's why I'm here, Cyborg. To avenge those ten fucking years."

And I'm just thinking, 'Damn, Tony, that's class-traitor AND Green Goblin talk."

--

So a few days ago, Haik Number 4 brought me to this stone boulder/pillar thing, and it turned into a handsome Filipino guy, Who Calls Himself Dumakulem, the Tagalog mountain-god. His wife Anagolay also showed up and said hello.

Tealdeer, it ended the same way it ends with other spirits who say they want to help, but I'm just tired of hearing it. I don't want to get my hopes up and end up stuck in this same shitty apartment for another three years.

Behind the read-more button for, like... desperate screaming. And Eric Draven being brutally honest about my fears of "dying and THEN having people suddenly pay attention to my work, as if I haven't been begging people to read it constantly while I was alive."

--

So I tried to be polite with Possible-Dumakulem and Possible-Anagolay, but soon they started talking about how my situation is so alarming again.

I knew they were going to say they wanted to "help" or something, so I told them, "NO. DON'T SAY IT. PLEASE. I can tolerate spirits calling themselves the anito, but don't fucking tell me you want to help. Nobody ever does that! They feel bad for me, they say my life sounds boring and unfulfilled, but nothing changes anyway. My heart hurts all the time. I don't want to hear you'll help if you can't ACTUALLY HELP ME. Get me a briefcase full of money, or an art career where I can travel and hang out with people, just--JUST GIVE ME MY OWN FUCKING LIFE! IF YOU WANT TO HELP ME, JUST FUCKING DO IT!!! CHANGE ONE OF THE MANY SHITTY THINGS IN MY LIFE SO I CAN BE A BIT LESS MISERABLE! AND IF YOU CAN'T HELP ME YOURSELF, FIND SOMEONE WHO CAN! PLEASE!!!"

Lola Buwaya was, um... irritated at Possible-Dumakulem and Possible-Anagolay again. But they unfortunately switched to Tagalog, so now I've just got the half-understood gist of Lola ranting. She said something like, "Hayop siya na! Tony Stark heard her before you did! If you won't treat her like a person, don't be upset when she doesn't treat you like gods! You left her with a squid for years, and a sailing-god was the only one to answer her! But now you don't want to hear unkind words?! Do you want her to be a person again?! Then you must act like gods, and give her what she asks!"

Meanwhile, Spirit-Me just devolved into flailing and screaming "LET ME OUT!!! LET ME OUTTTTTTTTTTT!!!! LET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING HELLHOLE!!!! PLEASE!!!! I SWEAR I'LL PAY YOU BACK IF SOMEONE HELPS ME!!!! JUST LETTTTTTTT MEEEEEEE OUTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!"

As noted with Hera, I've lost my shit and just started "screaming to anyone who's listening" in my meditations before, but I really don't like if that happens in "public," with SPIRITS around (unless they're close spirits, like the Water-Spirit or Dionysus).

Unfortunately, Spirit-Me started coughing up blood again, and THAT was obviously not good.

So various spirits heard Spirit-Me and were trying to calm me down (again), ranging from Dionysus, to Tony Stark, to Tatay.

Eric Draven stepped in and he was like, "You know what I'm thinking about this mess with her people's gods? That it's just an excuse for people to wring their hands. None of you actually want to get off your ass and fucking help her."

And Tatay said, "Naku! The dead man again! And Haik is here--is he not one of the anito?!"

Eric told him, "You really think a squid and a sailing god can help her so much with art? Or buying a house? She's not afraid she's going to die: She's afraid she'll die AND THEN people will finally read her stuff, like she begged them to for years. They'll talk about how much POTENTIAL it had, and 'all the things she could have done,' and they'll pretend she wasn't ready to jump in and do it.

"They'll see her social-media and her blog, where her baking posts get more likes than her art posts, and then they'll feel guilty about never clicking the Share button or leaving a comment. It won't help her OR them at that point. So none of you should bother calming her down anymore. Just let her scream and bleed and wander the forest like an orphaned girl. If you won't help, that's okay--just let her find someone she can pawn her soul off to, or some shit. How much money is a soul worth? "

So the room just went DEAD silent and I think it actually got cold for a bit. Eric Draven doesn't fucking play around with... warnings about a needlessly wasted life???

--

So regarding Lola's rant to Possible-Dumakulem and Possible-Anagolay: 'Hayop ka' is normally a Tagalog insult and literally translates to "you're a beast/wild-animal." It's mostly used for when people aren't acting right. IE, if you're being rude or obnoxious, someone's gonna yell at you, "hayop ka!"

It's often used in tandem with "walang hiya" (shameless / you have no shame) or "walang utang na loob" (no responsibility / you're being ungrateful). In English, it would be something like "were you raised in a barn?!" or "you're running wild / you've turned feral," but as I understand it, 'hayop ka' has a REALLY distinct undertone of 'you have lost your humanity/civilization' as opposed to the English analogs mostly meaning 'you have no manners/respect."

So 'Hayop siya na' means "she's become an animal now," but Lola's basically saying that the anito's lack-of-action/support turned me spiritually "feral," so the unspoken part is "she's become an animal BECAUSE OF YOU." And now she thinks they're just swooping in and thinking/hoping that I have JUST enough humanity left to 'treat them like gods," despite running around for so long with snakes, crocodiles, and giant squid.

Honestly, there has been a constant theme in my spiritual shittiness regarding "what makes you human?" or "how much damage/neglect can a soul take?" and then there's the issues of "well, you're doing the same things that everyone else is. You're literally not doing anything unusual. But since you never got anywhere with it, now people keep thinking you're crazy and talking to yourself (or to 'spirits pretending to be gods'), but the actual issue seems to be that you have incredibly bad luck."

Like, a lot of spirits are consistent about how it should never have taken TEN YEARS for me to get my projects off the ground, because with all the stuff I write about the anito, SOMEONE should have stepped in and helped me out (besides a giant squid who is God-LEVEL in strength, but he can't actually grant wishes), and it's cruel/unnecessary/evil for me to basically keep doing this on my own.

I have a theater script called "Takotsubo: The Story of A Superhero" that I've been trying to get off the ground. It's a deconstruction of the 'superhero' genre that heavily involves "when white people suit up and start taking on criminals, they're heroes, but when Black and Brown people do it, they're gangsters/vigilantes."

Everyone I've asked about it tends to say, "well, this sounds really cool! But it's also gonna be expensive and you're an unpublished writer, so not many people will risk this for you," and I was like... "Well... Guess I have to win the lottery or find a rich comic fan, then?"

I was thinking of converting the script to an actual comic series after I finish it. Because as expensive as relearning how to draw is, or finding an artist to pay for that, drawings don't need fight training or insurance for medical bills.

And like... whenever I look at that group of documents and grumble about how I need to practice drawing again, the spirits are upset that I'm basically thinking of "starting over" and doing this by myself... as I've done with my PROSE works, and we all know that hasn't gone anywhere, either.

[abyssembraced]

Headcanon Generator Meme

((Except that some are reacted to ooc and others are in character))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ghost:

"If Ghost likes someone, they will give them a pretty rock."

((Yeah, I could see that! Headcanon accepted. Their mindset is along the lines of: they know that Giving Gifts is a Good Thing that People Like. But they don't know what actually constitutes a good gift. They know that many people like receiving flowers and that Ze'mer's flowers are especially precious, but they don't know why that is. They also know that most bugs like Geo, which are basically shiny fossils and rocks. So maybe this other rock is also a Good Gift? Here you go, Friend!))

"If the source media was a musical, Ghost would be the one character that asks why everyone is singing."

((I think that'd fit them really well actually, yeah! Not a verbal question, of course, but just a silent wondering! It fits in with them slowly becoming more conscious and 'alive' throughout their journey in Hallownest. They're not familiar with their own genre, so they wonder why everyone's singing! But over time they eventually come to understand or at least accept that That's How Things Work.))

"Ghost does not know what sleep is."

((Mmm. While it's true that they wouldn't really Need sleep after obtaining Void Heart, on account of becoming fully Void, they are familiar with what sleep is! And they're also sort of capable of it in at least some capacity.))

"Ghost will go feral. Watch out."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meta Knight:

"Meta Knight speaks only in meme references."

((I mean Honestly if we're talking about Kirby Right Back At Ya's Meta Knight, I could absolutely see a YTP featuring that. But! My Meta Knight is Not That, save for a couple details I took from it, so Nope asgshfhf. I could see Magolor doing that for like a day or something though just to annoy the others.))

"Meta Knight can hug you, but won't."

"Correct." Save for a select few people who might be able to force one out of him, anyway.

"Meta Knight is awful with kids."

"I am inclined to say so, yes, but... Kirby seems to insist otherwise." Surely he was just an outlier, however. A unique exception, solely due to the fact that they were each the only other member of their species that either of them had ever met. ...Why are you pointing at Sailor Waddle Dee. Stop That.

"It would not take much for Meta Knight to turn evil."

"I believe the strength of my will is powerful enough to resist such corruptive forces." Though as much as he might like to, he couldn't deny that the stray Dark Heart had gotten the better of him some time ago. Not to mention whatever it was that had happened to his mirror counterpart...

"Meta Knight likes to eat straight coffee beans."

"Though I do prefer my coffee black, I... Fear the raw beans may be too bitter, even for me."

...He was lying about even drinking his coffee black. He would always dump tons of sugar into his drinks. Straight coffee beans would be a definite 'no' for him.

"Meta Knight had an emo phase."

((Absolutely hilarious mental image that I will neither confirm nor deny, lmao))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

GLaDOS:

"GLaDOS knows the lyrics to every Hatsune Miku song by heart."

((Technically correct, but only because she's a robot and can just search for all the lyrics and download them if she desired. But I don't think she'd even know who Miku is unless she was prompted to research her.))

"GLaDOS will remind others in the midst of chaos how good *she's* being."

((. Yeah I could totally see this ashsdgwgdvf. But it'd have to be something specifically said to Chell while other people are Causing Problems and not her ((for once)). I don't think I could see her saying it to anyone else.))

"GLaDOS is in your house."

((If you live in the Aperture building then she is your house lmao))

"GLaDOS is a very good singer."

((So Very True <3))

"GLaDOS is going to hell."

"We would once again like to remind you that here at the Aperture Enrichment Center, Android Hell is a real place where rogue androids will be sent at the slightest hint of dissent."

"Unless you can turn on the neurotoxin emitters quickly enough. Which you don't have."

"GLaDOS is awful with kids."

"I don't know, I would consider my performance at the Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day to be a great success. Though I do work better with cats."

"GLaDOS is constantly singing for no reason."

"And you are constantly bumbling around like a useless idiot for no reason. What do you think of that?"

"GLaDOS can't make the voices go away."

"I did, actually. But it involved me being betrayed and murdered by a friend that I trusted, so I can't say I recommend my method."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tagged by: @bladesfromthedark (thank you!)

Tagging: @distrxst , @tazmilyxfamily , @musescfmusic , @quillheel , @hopeful-hugz , @pri-rp , @legalbrats , @galacticnova3 (I know you've already done it for your Lor blog, so. Maybe one of your other ones if you feel like it?). Just. Tags Everyone again so no one can feel left out dgsgsgf. And once again, feel free to do it for any blog(s) and muse(s), not necessarily the specific one I tagged!

[risingsunresistance]

ok ok i've been inspired here is a big ramble about worldbuilding stuff that i think makes the resistance fight more interesting

under a read more bc 1) i need this to be sectioned into paragraphs and 2) i imagine this is gonna be WAY LONGER on a phone than it is on my laptop screen rn

okay so first of all. SCREW YOU SKYBLOCK TIME THAT'S REALLY BORING!! so skyblock goes through a year in about 5 days in our time. one day/night cycle is 20 real minutes. cool right? dante's reign lasted a little over 2 years! WRONG. admins are lame and decided that it's not an Actual year, it's literally a period of 5 days. one of the hub NPCs explains that the nights just go by REALLY fast here. BUT WHY WOULD A DICTATOR ONLY BE ELECTED FOR LIKE 12 DAYS THAT'S SO LAME, A 2YR PERIOD GIVES THE SITUATION SO MUCH MORE URGENCY... i think it's more fun to imagine being "logged in" puts you in an odd state of time where you experience more time than what passes. players stuck in the server were only gone for ~12 days but they Felt over 2 years go by. like that one training chamber in dbz or whatever

ALSO IMPORTANT. travel was banned by dante after a while. this meant that you were stuck wherever you were. 2 things of note here tho. 1) it's implied that all the islands including the player homes are connected physically, so theoretically you could fly to someone else's island, maybe even to the hub and back, if you were someone who could fly (maybe you have wings?) or if you have enough mana and dedication lol... but also point number 2. you could still log out, technically that's travel when you think of the servers/smps/etc as all being connected in some way. well that's no fun. imagine instead being fully cut off from the outside world. no chat to friends who arent logged in, no escape, nothing. there were probably poor outsiders who saw their friend suddenly disappear without a trace for a while. skyblock players are prone to do that, but they arent even available in chat?? that's not like them :/ augh i love it i love thinking abt ppl wondering where their friend went and they're like "lol sorry we had to kill some dictator. yea it was this whole thing. the admins all trapped us on the server too. no they were on his side. yea :/"

so anyways with that out of the way, think of how much more serious the resistance becomes with just those two changes. TWO YEARS dante spends making the place unlivable, slowly taking everything from you. money, pets, access to buildings (unless you pledge your allegiance to him of course), travel... but eventually you find out there's ppl who are planning on rising up against him. well why rise up, cant we just contact the admins? nope, no contact with the outside, we're trapped here. also, they're on his side anyways. yes, even simon. this resistance is gonna secretly make and distribute armor with the power to fight off dante. apparently he gets his energy from the moon or something. also dante banned the sun. dont ask how. either simon did that for him or dante has some very concerning powers. they have to get people with their cause without getting caught, but dante eventually puts out a notice that he caught word of a resistance brewing... so we got caught somehow. are there other people are on his side? one of our own reported us? well that might be a MASSIVE problem one day. could have also been an admin, since two of the generals live with one (aaaaand one of them would eventually become an admin. he also didnt lay a hand on dante during the fight despite being a general. hmmmmmmm)

it's all done and settled and things need to be rebuilt. everything is okay. someone put up a grave for dante, saying dante best of course. so his supporters live on. great, awesome, love that. but much worse than that. a goon was spotted in the main hub. no not the skyblock hub. the MAIN hub. outside of the skyblock realm. they escaped........

[imnotgrimimjustagrumpyreaper]

💫🎀💞

(I couldn't pick just one zbzbxn)

AHHH FELLOW GRIM <3 <3 <3 <3 THANK YOU FOR THE ASK! 💫what is your favorite kind of comment/feedback?

GOD this one feels so goddamn arrogant like even more than the compliment one lol but my favorite comment I’ve ever gotten (and I’m by no means asking anyone else to do this) was from someone who saw their trauma and their flaws and shit in a character in my fic and commented telling me about it and how MY GODDAMN FIC of all things was helping them to work through it because the way I wrote the character was something they’d never seen before and it really connected with them. I JUST-. Like I said I am NOT asking anyone else to get that personal, I don’t expect that much from anyone but I still feel like I have to shout it out because it is ENTIRELY the reason I am still fighting to finish that fic through the burnout even after abandoning it for an extended period of time. 

On a much more general note I always write about my blorbos and my very specific headcanons of said blorbos so anything like musing on my portrayal of my blorbos will send me into a flurry of hand flaps. 

🎀give yourself a compliment about your own writing

I love that I always (sometimes unintentionally) make very flawed and very broken characters. In TMDORG Janus was once a very toxic and selfish person and literally killed someone (inadvertently but still) , Remus ran away from his long term partner and completely shut him out for a solid year and Roman is- well- was an arrogant jackass who’s too wrapped up in his own problems to notice when he hurts other people. My OCs and my portrayal of other characters are all so mean and co-dependant and nihilistic and do fucked up shit without thinking first and sometimes even with thinking first they do it anyways. There’s a specific scene I’m thinking of from a series of un-posted vignettes I wrote where there’s some very DEEP intense longing going on and its like: this is the culmination of at least three years of headcanons and about a solid month of struggle to write this scene in this fic in this series alone, right? I work up the nerve to reach out to a friend of mine to read it and they’re like “Yeah this is fucking creepy and bad” and it stung a little (a lot) because I hadn’t really been thinking of it like that. But I turned around and re-read it and agreed with them. It killed a part of me I think but another grew to take its place: it IS a little fucked up because these are deeply fucked up people I’m writing and I’M GLAD its fucked up. I love my fucked up little people. But also the flip side to that is that I LOVE that they can be all that but still be good and lovable and deserving of love and good things, they can bounce off eachother like fucking cattle going down a round pannel shoot for medical treatment and still love and care about and try their goddamn hardest to do what’s right by each other. Am I giving myself too much praise? Yes. But is this more about how I personally see my characters and not how they actually are? Also yes. 

💞what's the most important part of a story for you? the plot, the characters, the worldbuilding, the technical stuff (grammar etc), the figurative language

100% the characters above all else, I write dreadfully slow painful character explorations and nothing else LOL. I do always try to make sure that something HAPPENS IE the “Murder mystery” in TMDORG or a better example of what you’re usually gonna get the slow build of a relationship in my most recent baby MWBEYH but exploring characters and their relationships is where my heart lies and is the reason I come up with stories and write them in the first place. I get an idea about a scenario or a very specific headcanon and I have to put the characters into the little Webkinz movie maker (side note you couldn’t say root beer in that stupid thing and it pissed me off SO MUCH) with the right pieces and press play. Usually this is to my detriment LOL if you want an example of this in action look at TMDORG: Initially the plot was a much heavier focus and it was going to BE an actual murder mystery, the character’s screen time/focus was going to be a lot more balanced but I got super caught up in the very very fraught relationship between Janus and Remus in the world I’d made and WHOOPS everything else fell to the wayside. Hopefully in the future I will have actually written another one of my bigger pet projects that I can reference besides TMDORG lol.  Thank you again! :)

[boypussydilf]

FINALLY. someone else who thinks 302 is boring as hell. i only ever see people talk about liking it like the majority of it isnt 2 different segments of 3 Rooms With One Music Track Looped For 45 Minutes (Or More)! that being said i love the concept and the astral projection framing device and i love that the remaster is giving maximus his stupid little newsboy hat. and of course there is the ending leading into 303 😁

ITS NOT JUST ME!!!!! oh my god ive never seen people talk about it at All i didnt even know if people liked it or not. People Like It? it’s like………. it’s All Setup. it has very little going for it on its own its just setup for the rest of the game. i’ve always wondered if it’s more fun to Play than to Watch, when you’re actually trying to Solve The Puzzles, but i do doubt it. it’s just. eh. eh. “the devil’s playhouse is such a great game one of my favorites” i say and then i consider one of its episodes an exhausting nightmare. the rest of the game is good but they did not do a very good job with that one i think. they flopped a little

BUT GOD. IVE ONLY HAD MAXIMUS WITH HIS HAT FOR 1 STILL IMAGE AND ALREADY SEEING HIM HATLESS IN THE ORIGINAL GAME JUST LOOKS SO WRONG. I CANNOT FUCKING WAIT FOR THE REMASTER AND HIS SILLY LITTLE NEWSBOY CAP!!!!!!!! THERE IS A GOOD AND JUST GOD (MAXIMUS HAT RESTORED)

this is only tangentially related but that just reminds me how excited i am to see any other changes/additions like that in the s3 remaster…. the Graphics/Lighting/Modeling/Animations updates are nice but s3 doesn’t need them as much as the first 2 did. it does extremely look like it was made in 2010, and it’s not as nice looking as the remasters, but visually it does totally still hold up, it’s Got good lighting and camerawork, no one’s opening this game and thinking “man this looks like shitty wet cardboard”. (and i’m Always going to be frustrated by the remaster having less Grit and Realistic Textures and being more smooth and vivid and cartoony. but it was a little jarring going straight from s2 to s3 and suddenly the buildings look like this game was made in gmod.) uhh i lost track of what i was saying. Oh right well anyway. aside from the Graphics Updates the other thing really fun about the remasters is all the stuff like… like giving maximus his hat from the concept art. like widening the hole into flint paper’s office and angling the camera through it. updating the Christmas Future scenery in 201 to be consistent with how they actually model that scene in the last episode. Doing all these things that they wanted to do the first time around but couldn’t because of technical limitations and now they can! So I wanna see what other things like that they might do in the tdp remaster……. this could’ve been its own post but i already got this far.

anyway hell yes for 302 having a really cool framing device and really cool ending 👍👍👍👍👍👍 hell no for how its so boring i would rather be looking at pretty much anything else 👎👎👎👎👎👎 and another hell yes for maxs dead grandpas gay little hat 👍👍👍👍👍👍

[bloodiedrogue]

*checking in my crew* WHAT DO YOU MEAN THE EPISODE DIDN'T AIR YESTERDAY??? *quickly put on the suit and grabs the microphone*

HELLO EVERYONE AND WELCOME BACK TO TUESDAY INTERVIEW

I'm your host Annie and today I'm once again here with the spectacular, the stunning, the sublime Summer!!!! Let me hear your appreciation, everyone!!!!

*standing ovation from the everywhere*

First and foremost, I must apologise for the late release of this Tuesday Interview, but we had some technical issues (aka Tumblr eat the ask like Gale eats his artifacts)

Anyway, Summer! I've heard that you've not only opened your commissions but some people have already commissioned you some delicious fics! How do you feel about this? Is writing commissions as you expected?

Onto another topic, I would like to remind everyone that in 4 DAYS the first part of "Curse You" will see the light of day, so you better stay tuned for some good old fashioned enemies to lovers with our lovely vampire Astarion and Summer's amazing OC, Zayis!! Anything you want to add on this Summer? A warning for the public, perhaps?

And before we go, Summer, what were you thoughts on the BG3 DnD one shot that recently aired? What were your favourite moments?

rip the og ask :') classic tumblr never working the way it should!!

glad we figured that out sooner rather than later. would hate to deprive the people of tuesday interview with bard annie. (it's me, i'm people, i love tuesday interview with bard annie.)

to answer your questions though, in regards to commissions i am very excited! i was a bit hesitant at first because i already write a lot for free. for a while i kind of felt like a jerk asking for money but then i realized that i work really hard and if someone just so happens to want to pay me for something cool who am i to say no???

that being said, everyone's been really nice and supportive and i hope people continue to commission me because i think it'll inevitably help with my writing skills in the long run?

moving onto curse you though i literally!! i'm very very very nervous to release her out into the wild. it's been a while since i've posted oc fics because i'm pretty critical of my own character building sometimes but i'm trying to get better! because i know it'll be fine and everyone will be nice and just... it's gonna be fine, right?

anyway, yeah i'm just excited. i don't really know what else to add other than i hope people enjoy zayis because she's my baby.

and also yes, sort of. i've caught the main highlights of both episodes and am currently fully half way through the first (i'm so bad at watching long form videos sometimes) and loving it. in terms of my favourite part i'd probably say all the clips i've seen of bing bong have been hilarious. i just love the idea of shadowheart and lae'zel failing to co-parent this poor little creature. also, gale's spa day obviously!!!

[fitzpirations]

my brother freaked out on my behalf tonight while I tried to explain to him what it’s like to pursue a career in a creative field/the arts. Fully said something like “I- I’m sad for you.”

It went like

me: well I’m working on a play right now that I wanted to submit to a one-act festival at the local theater, but they probably wouldn’t produce it based on content

him: what? So you’re setting yourself up for failure?

me: …no, I was using it as a goalpost but I’m still writing it, if there’s interest anywhere, it m it might be produced, just not there. It’s just that their building is technically owned by the archdiocese, and since there’s adult language & themes it probably wouldn’t get a green light.

him: so you just gotta hope someone else might put it on? But what if they don’t? All that for nothing?

me: well, I have to finish it, which means I’ll have to have people read it which is scary, and based on feedback it’ll go through some edits and ideally I’ll be able to workshop it somewhere and edit it, and then maybe it’ll get produced/performed somewhere, or I could publish it in some capacity & ideally would get paid every time it gets produced, if that happens.

him: so you’re just like… hoping someone want to put it on? But they might not?

me: well yeah, and no, that’s not the only reason I write but- most writers have like 4 finished books sitting in a drawer and the 5th one may get published

he’s incredulous. He doesn’t understand how I can’t just apply to work in a writer’s room for a television show somewhere. I explain that this is how it is for everyone, it’s unsustainable, you make it big or you struggle. I give info on the strike. Actors wait tables and audition and take classes at night and do low-paying/unpaid workshops for the chance to get noticed, they put so much work into auditions that lead nowhere, people work for years on things that run on Broadway for 3 months, etc etc

Him: so you’re either DiCaprio or a waiter?

Me: yeah, basically.

Him: why- and I’m not saying give up on your dreams, but like I realized I’d never be a pro baseball player and moved on. Why keep doing this? There’s no money and- and no stability? I’m so stressed for you, [insert reference to my current job & general availability/resume-building around it] aren’t you out of your mind?

Me: yes. But you do it because you love it. And you have to anyway, even if it goes nowhere. I couldn’t do what you do. I’d be miserable. More miserable than [at my day job]. But this is how it is. And this is what I want to do.

[survivedsarchived]

he hangs on every word, enraptured, and garrett's honored that leo's allowing him into his past. it can't be easy, regardless of how much time has passed, to reminiscence, to put that grief into words; it isn't something garrett can claim to understand, with his lack of romantic pursuits prior to societal collapse, but that doesn't mean he can't imagine how it must feel, to lose someone you shared your heart with. but it doesn't take any imagination to envision felix doing that for his father; their time together has been brief, but he sees the way he looks at leo. how he approaches the entire security of his family, this complex, with a passion that's seemingly insatiable — it's all very commendable.

the kind of love garrett has always strived to cultivate in the home he'd built for his children.

“i'm sorry,” he says softly, though the word always feels too short to be of any real comfort. “about your wife.” raising two children in those early days had been terrifying enough — to raise three while in mourning as well? there's a strength required for that that garrett doesn't think he could ever possess. but it's easy to see it in leo, a dazzling resilience that he wears well. garrett admires it.

“— oh, no need to apologize.” the assurance comes naturally, spoken with a smile. “i'm enjoying learning about you. and your family,” he adds, a slight blush darkening his cheeks. “it's nice to know that good people have survived out there. are still surviving, too, beyond just you and yours, i imagine. can't be just us left.” and them, he amends mentally, because the shadow of the CRM still stretches wide and long, and they still live in it — even if he wants to believe otherwise, even for a moment.

he scrapes his foot along the floor as he adjusts, mouth puckered in thought. yes, he loved his job, even if it doesn't feel as glamorous or important as the work leo does, but he was proud of it, dedicated. to anyone else in leo's profession, he'd perhaps be hesitant to admit it — worried that they would not understand — but that kindness in leo... garrett finds himself continually noting it, alongside the genuine curiosity in the way he posits his questions. it's ensnaring.

“yes — i loved it very much. i tried my best to carry out certain duties, still, like monitoring local wildlife... not always intervening when the dead attacked them.” a sorrow settles into his eyes, a remorse from deep within. it had been difficult, but he told himself, this is the way of the world now: this is the next evolution. certain populations needed to be culled to prevent disease, anyway, and here was an opportunity to make up for the decline in hunters — but it never made the screams any easier to hear, when they did echo through the trees. swallowing, he flashes a melancholic smile, as if to say, what can you do?

nothing to do but to redirect the conversation to better things - brighter things. his eyes brighten some, and he nods shortly. “i guess it's obvious, huh? yeah, i'm looking forward to getting back outside. not to return to the tower - i don't think that'd be a good idea, sadly. but i'd love to check out the growths around here. see what nature's taking back, how fast - it might be a little morbid, but there's some beauty in the way the grass is reclaiming the roads, flowers blooming on buildings...”

(he wishes he could find a camera to document it; the old one he'd kept in the fire tower ceased operations years ago, given in to age and wear. another thing to query felix or will about — maybe they know where to unearth one.)

there's a heavy sigh, and his hand lifts, brushing through his short hair. “well, i was born in brazil, if you want to get technical...” he falls naturally into his own story, as leo had done, gesturing vaguely with his hand. “but yes. the watch tower was where i'd worked before — when things got bad, i brought luna and harlan there. i thought we'd just be there a few days, but days turned to weeks, and i didn't have another plan, so we stayed. but it's the same woods i found them in, so — maybe it was fate.” maybe they were meant to be raised there, in a place he loved dearly — and maybe it's the same for leo's children. an educated man raising his family in a place of education; life's little ironies. garrett finds comfort in them.

“but i'm glad we're here now. it is good for the kids, to be around other people. your family, especially. it'll be even better when it's complete again.” because from what he knows of iris so far, it seems there's little doubt she'll complete her mission — and he's looking forward to meeting her.

(and garrett ignores, for now, how suddenly the thought comes to him that he wants her to like him, because he fears how it could impact leo's opinion if she doesn't — and there's a growing realization of how important leo's opinion is to him.)

“—seems we all have much to learn,” he says, grin growing steadily once again, the corners of his eyes creasing. “from our children — from each other. and, really, anything i can do to help around here. i always enjoyed science in school.”

leo smiles at the words, looking ahead, around the lab he's proud to have built. he pushes himself too hard sometimes, and he is often far more invested than he may need to be, but he loves his work. he loves what he's able to do, he loves knowing his knowledge has real value in the world they live in now. there are things he regrets about his work, like making a deal with the devil and allowing it to pull him away from his kids ( they're all okay now, safe, and he knows that if they'd all stayed, they would likely all be dead -- but that doesn't take away the guilt he still feels for all his kids endured for his safety and at the hands of the CRM. )

❝  i do love my job. it's certainly changed over the last decade, ❞ he notes with a soft laugh. ❝ you know, i never minded investing my time in trying to figure out . . . all of this. it helped, after the sky all, knowing i could put my energy into maybe making some real impact on our future. but i suppose it was a nice distraction, too, ❞ he admits, looking up to garrett. ❝  my wife, we lost her the night the sky fell. trying to accept that, trying take care of the three of them-- felix was a big help. that kid had to grow up too fast as it was, and i wish i didn't have to lean on him the way i did, too, but i don't think i could have done any of this without him. and knowing my work was still relevant? ❞ he pushes out a breath, shaking his head. ❝  it grounded me. kept me on a daily schedule that made it a little harder to accept that the world had flipped on its head. i was comfortable with that. maybe too comfortable, ❞ he admits, considering how it was all taken away so quickly.

he realizes he's spilling so easily -- likely, because it's been a long time since it's just been him with another adult, one he can trust. he poured his heart out to lyla, and she dissected every word he said; he still feels so exposed, so used, despite how much love he knows he has for a woman who had her own heart used against her, just as they wanted him to, too. but garrett -- he's different. he's not a scientist he's spent these past few years with talking about only this work with, he's not one of his kids he's still trying to make up for lost time with. it's just nice, easy, and he likes his company.

his hand rubs over his mouth, and he lets out a soft chuckle as he looks over to garrett, almost bashfully. ❝  -- i'm sorry. i suppose it's been a while since i've had a conversation with an adult that wasn't about . . . well, fungi, ❞ he admits, grinning back at him. ❝  i suppose that's enough about me. your job, you loved it? you managed to carry it on, too, right? ❞ he thinks, calculating in his head for a moment. ❝  i'm sure you're itching to get back outside. this must be quite the change, i imagine? ❞

he nods, hands clasping together on his lap as he thinks back to the place. ❝  yeah, a university. same one i taught at. everything came together pretty quickly, and we did well there. i took it for granted, i realize that now, but -- there are things about this mall that remind me of that place, too. ❞ it's still very different, but there's comfort in it, too. ❝  where we found you-- were you from around there? ❞

leo smiles proudly, though there's a ping of sorrow that runs through him at iris's name missing. she and luna would get along well, he thinks, adding it to his mental list of things to tell iris when she returns. ❝  they are. iris is, too. she's out there ready to save hundreds of people, and i know she can do it. i can't take all the credit, though. my girls, they learned a lot from felix, their mom, and--- from being out there, without me. every day i grow more and more proud. everything, all of this -- it's for them, ❞ he notes, glancing around the room to show him how much his work matters. he looks back to him, his smile warm. ❝  they are. the twins, they're lucky to have you as a father. you have such a beautiful family, garrett, and i'm really honored you've chosen to be a part of all of this here. it's nice, seeing kids be kids. makes all of this worth fighting for. i'm glad they get to be around other kids, too. i can't wait for them to meet iris. you, too. i think she'd like you, ❞ he notes, though, maybe that's his own projection -- he finds garrett impossible not to like.

he raises a brow, impressed by his kids. ❝  a bow? well, i imagine you wouldn't be alone in that. can't imagine i'm a good shot with one, either, ❞ he laughs. ❝  one year away from my children, and i see them again, they're all professionals. i've got them teaching me now. ❞ he doesn't mind that; he likes learning from them, too. he just wishes they never had to use them in the first place. the offer excites him as he raises a brow in garrett's direction, tapping his fingers against his own arm. ❝  you know what-- i think we could really put your skills to good use. maybe you could teach me a thing or two, too. ❞

[lazyliars]

/rp

Before I get into it, I want to state that is EXPLICITLY an analysis of the Characters, and is not intended to touch on how the cc’s played them in a meta sense unless specifically stated otherwise.

Also, this is technically a part two to my other post, which took a more in depth look at Techno and Phil’s reactions to Tommy’s death. It’s not necessary when reading this post, but I don’t address their reactions here.

So. The question must be asked.

Are we [the Syndicate] the baddies?

Yes.

The End.

 Why are the Syndicate the baddies?

They got damn logo is a wither skull.

The End.

That's not how this works.

Yeah, yeah. You’re right.

The Syndicate's goals as an organization are not inherently bad. They seem to have good intentions behind them, and the focus on the freedom of it's individual group members is important to remember when talking about it; It is not a government. There is no hierarchical power system. No one is forced to do anything against their will, or surrender any of their rights or power to remain a member. It is not a government.

I also want to address Techno and Phil backing Ranboo into a corner – I see them getting a lot of flack for this, but I personally do not think it is relevant to the greater discussion, or necessarily representative of any contradictions within the organization. It was clearly played for laughs, and after they back off they clarify to Ranboo that they won't force him. Then later when Phil and Ranboo are alone, Ranboo feels safe enough to express that he felt like he was pressured into it, and Phil assures him he is allowed to leave whenever he wants; He is not being forced to do anything, and he is not being coerced or blackmailed.

None of the Syndicate members have done any wrongs against each other in the context of the Syndicate, OR gone against any of the Syndicate's core principles.

That, said, holy shit are they the baddies.

Listen, there's trying to telegraph a meaning or message to the audience and then there's having your logo be wither skulls on blackstone. That is straight out of the skit I keep referencing, seriously.

Okay, but, they laughed at it! It was played as a joke, just like the Ranboo thing!

The Ranboo thing was improv, the Syndicate's headquarters were planned – the artistic choices that they made reflect on what role they want the build and the organization inhabiting it to play in the future storylines.

Wither Skulls kind of have some CONNOTATIONS. Techno is an English major, I don't think he chose the most threatening imagery possible on accident, and then joked about the way people would interpret it just to stir the pot. This reads as hugely intentional.

And beyond that, the jokes they make during this part aren't “haha yeah, we look bad but we're actually good!” they're “you can tell by looking at these that we're the good guys wink wink, this is good guy stuff right here :)” It is a joke about how they are definitely not the good guys. This isn't even a case of unreliable narrators, this is one step down from flat out saying the meta intent.

But okay, I hear you, I'm talking about things that haven't happened yet. The Syndicate hasn't used any Withers, they could be an aesthetic choice.  Lets look at what they do in practice.

So, they barge into private property, assess Snowchester's right to continue existing based entirely on their own ideals of what Freedom is, and then only once Tubbo assures them that they have no standing leader do they grant the place their approval to, and I gotta stress this part, continue existing.

 In my Quackity meta, I already talked about how Government in the context of a M1necraft RP cannot be compared to IRL Governments on a one-to-one scale. They don't serve the same purposes or have the same type of power. What I didn't talk about was Agency in the context of m1necraft governments.

In an irl government, if you are born into one, you can't really leave without committing a massive overhaul on your life, which can be expensive and difficult, if not impossible for many people. Even in a “benevolent” government, the simple physicality of where you were born can prevent you from leaving it easily.

The same hurdles do not exist in the Dream SMP. People who join M1necraft governments choose to. They want to, either at the beginning when they form one, or later on when they join up. So far, no Government has just Sprung Up and forced the current residents of an area to become dependent on them, except maybe the Eggpire, who's status as a government is... shakey.

And even when people want to leave or separate from the government, they have been historically able to do so without any trouble or any effort from said governments to stop them. Jack Manifold emancipated from Manberg. Fundy and Quackity both left to start new nations. In all cases they were allowed to do so without any attempts on the part of the governments to stop them, either through force, or institutions preventing them from doing so.

The most anyone has lost when leaving a government is their house, which is still usually their property anyway, and is something that is easily rebuilt elsewhere and is inconvenient to move anyway.

The only exceptions to this might be Schlatt exiling Wilbur and Tommy - but even then, they weren’t trying to leave, they were trying to get back in, and of course the original L’manberg revolution, where Dream attempted to force L’manberg back into the Dream SMP, which wasn’t even a government at that point in time.

I don’t consider Phil’s house arrest an example of a government forcing someone to stay a citizen - that was treated less as a matter of a citizen wanting to leave the country and more as a threat to national security. Still pretty fucked up, but it’s a different issue.

What I'm saying is, If Tubbo wants to create a government out in the middle of nowhere, threatening no one, forcing no one to join either through force or desperation, and allowing people to join willingly because they want to, then he should be allowed to do that.

The Irony of the Syndicate, a group of people consisting of some of the richest, strongest people on the server, going around and enforcing 'Freedom' that entails no one person having more power than any other, is absurd. 

It shows an extreme lack of self-awareness and/or self-righteousness, as they seem to think that they deserve to be the ones who decide what constitutes a government.

Snowchester is a small independent nation - they shouldn’t have to live in fear of being obliterated if they don’t walk on eggshells to meet an arbitrary standard decided by people who’s only authority on the matter COMES FROM THEIR PERSONAL POWER. No one elected them! No one chose them! They were not “approved” by the server at large to enact this kind of law.

The Syndicate are not a government, but they are an unsupervised power structure exerting their ideals on a land that did not ask for them. Like, These people have invented an actual Authoritarian-Anarchist faction. How the hell did they manage this?????

Back on topic.

Tubbo shows them the crater left by his nukes. The reaction is oddly positive – the nukes are fine by the morals of the Syndicate, apparently. I'd argue that they come across as more impressed than anything else; they seem to respect Tubbo for having gotten ahold of “real” power.

(There's a few good memes out there about “We can excuse nuclear weaponry, but we draw the line at Government!”)

So. By the Syndicate's standards: A single person or group of acceptably equal persons with weapons of mass-destruction are only worth “keeping an eye on” because they might provoke other people.

Like, I consider Project Dreamcatcher to be one of, if not the most morally ambiguous thing Tubbo has ever done, largely because it was all on his own initiative. He holds some culpability for The Butcher Army and Phil's house arrest, but they weren't his ideas and he was mostly following Quackity at that point.

And Phil tells Tubbo, IMMEDIATELY AFTER SEEING THE NUCLEAR CRATER:

“Looks like you've reformed a little bit Tubbo, I'm proud.”

And it's fine. Crimes against nature? Fine. A sign of healing in fact!! Tubbo is having a sweeeelll time and he definitely didn't make these nukes specifically in fear of being attacked by these exact people! Tubbo is doing great. Tubbo is doing fine. Tubbo. is. FINE.

Anyway.

I don't think this presentation of the Syndicate was an accident. Looking at the greater lore of SMP right now, after the Egg is done, their list of enemies is slim, and considering that they seem solely invested in taking down governments, that leaves maybe Snowchester, Kinoko Kingdom, and Eret and the greater Dream SMP.

Snowchester has not been shown to be corrupt, evil, or have any intent to go down that route. The most ambiguous thing they've done is, again, is the nukes. Other than that, it's pretty much your average cottagecore snow village.

Kinoko is presented in an even more morally 'good' light, Karl having founded it specifically for his Time-travel library purposes, which are currently being treated by the narrative as a selfless act, if not downright heroic.

Eret is also a fairly 'good' aligned character atm. He's been on that redemption grind since the og betrayal, and doesn't seem keen on backtracking. He's actively tried to leverage his position as king to make things better, and hasn't been quiet about that. He was also 'validated' by Tommy*, a character who has been described both by his allies and enemies as “the hero,” so take that as you will.

What I'm getting at is, all of the current potential enemies for the Syndicate aside from the Egg, are currently being cast as 'good,' and if they were to be attacked, they would undoubtedly have the moral high-ground, unless something drastically changed.

The only potential shakeups I can think of is are a Dream escape and/or a Wilbur revival, both of which could draw the Syndicate's attention and ire, depending on how things go. That said, it's just as likely that either or both of them would join the Syndicate – Dream still has that favor, and Phil and Techno both seemed to think Wilbur would've agreed with their blowing up L'manberg.

Both of those characters are currently **villains – the fact that they're both prime candidates for the Syndicate is a huge indication of the direction it's going to go as the plot moves forward.

((*I know some people are gonna come at me for painting Tommy as the “deciding factor” of what is morally good, so lemme just stop you there. I'm not talking about Tommy somehow having the 'right' to decide who is and isn't good, and definitely not the right to decide who should and shouldn't be king. I'm saying that Tommy, a character who the narrative treats as, if not a good person, then a person who is trying to be good, was in support of Eret, a character who has also been trying to be good.

Eret doesn't gain the moral highground because Tommy said so, he gets it because a character who the narrative treats as trying to do better, acknowledged Eret's earnest attempts at doing the same.

**I'm referring to Wilbur here as a villain because Tommy seemed convinced he would be if he were to be brought back. There is always the possibility that he's wrong.))

So, to summarize this: I read the Syndicate as being intentionally positioned as future antagonists, if not outright villains of a future arc. They are NOT a Government but their goals are contradictory with their means, and it is important to keep in mind that they plan to enforce their own brand of freedom on people who did not grant them either the authority or permission to do so.

So, uh. Can you tell I loved these streams? They were seriously so good. I kept switching between Ranboo and Techno's POV's trying to keep up with everything. I still have to watch Niki's!

All in all, I'm super, super excited for whats coming next, egg stuff, Syndicate stuff, Tommy stuff, all of it.

[astaroth1357]

Demon Brothers as Roommates

Intro:

So, the MC has left the Devildom and, of course, everybody is quite sad… But this time around, they have a little trick up their sleeve. With just a bit of magic (and training thanks to Solomon) the MC can now summon one of their favorite demon boys up to the human world with them! There's just, uh, one problem though… After being summoned to their side, their beloved demon now refuses to leave it.

Alright MC, enjoy your new demonic roommate!!

Lucifer

Apparently Lucifer is on sabbatical… And yes, he does appreciate that irony in that.

Lucifer actually has a surprising amount of human world money stashed away in alias accounts (because this man renting a cheap motel on business trips? Let's be real) so he uses that wealth to get them a place befitting his standards… which are high.

Spacious apartments in nice areas that would make even the upper middle-class shit their pants? Congrats, MC, that's where you're staying now!

Even with all that money, though, Lucifer CANNOT sit idle for a second. The guy is used to working all his life and just sitting around would drive him insane!

Expect him to still be running some Devildom affairs long-distance style while doing something else on the side, probably stock market stuff tbh.

Is going to want to pay for and provide everything himself but will respect the MC if they still want to work and split the bills (not to a ridiculous degree, though, like half-and-half because that would mean getting three jobs at least).

A lot of trips and vacations too, especially if the MC likes to travel. It’s a good excuse to relax while also technically doing something so he doesn’t lose his mind doing nothing in particular.

He is going to be that strict roommate who expects you not to be a slob and isn't afraid to say so. Regularly scheduled cleaning/organization days are mandatory because hygiene is important. Take some pride in yourself and wash up, MC. That kind of thing.

Also going to have short-fuse for… antics. If you want to prank him, do so at your own risk because he may prank back (and that’s not nearly as fun as it sounds, trust me.)

Mammon

Yeah so, living with Mammon is like the inverse of Lucifer. Prepare to be poooor.

Man has no human money, are you kidding me? Even if he did, he wouldn’t keep it for very long. Couples budgeting is a MUST if you’re looking to survive.

The apartment is going to be whatever the MC can more or less afford on their own with Mammon shoved in somewhere like a cheap lamp… Don’t expect a lot of room.

However, Mammon is great at the hustle. Man can work multiple jobs and actually be pretty dang good at them. For the most part, anyway. He may occasionally trip up and get himself fired, but he bounces back quick.

If the MC isn’t so moral he can also uh… “find” some extra money lying around too. Just be careful when playing with fire, right?

Even if they’re poor as shit, Mammon is still a blast to be around. The guy knows how to have fun on and off of a budget. Lots of “window shopping” (getting kicked out of stores for goofing off), nightclubs, amusement parks, and cheap fun. They’ll never be without a story to tell or a smile on their face!

He IS pretty slobbish though. He’s not going to remember to clean up after himself unless told, but he’s also not going to be bothered if they don’t do the same thing. A weekly cleaning day is going to be ideal unless they don’t mind living in a pigsty...

Prank waaaaars!! The kind of guy to get them both water guns and have a war in the middle of the apartment complex. Good luck getting any rest with Mammon around.

Leviathan 

Whelp, your room is now his room, quite literally MC. You had to pick the shut-in…

The guy isn’t exactly poor but what human money he does have is all wrapped up in his many interests… Merch interests specifically. 

Thankfully, he won’t take up too much space. Put him in a room with a desk, bed (or bathtub), TV, and computer and he’s good to go! 

He’s not going to be a complete bum, thankfully. There’s no way that they can get him to leave the apartment, but he can run small online stores (usually anime themed) or become a streamer. Probably enough to help pay the bills, but not much more.

If they don’t mind having a literally permanent housemate, then being with Levi has its own kind fun. Lots of anime marathons, movie nights, and game nights. Really, it’s just like how he was in the House, but now transported to the human world.

Is probably going to want a pet goldfish, snake ,or lizard so prepare to house Henry 3.0.

When he does leave the apartment, it’s to take the MC to conventions, concerts, or anime stores. He always manages to get just enough money for these trips, but never says where the money comes from… Best not to ask. Could be black market for they know...

… He’s a shut-in. He’s a shut-in roommate. Hygiene isn’t exactly his main concern. If they ask him to, he’ll make sure to clean up after himself, but he may need a reminder.

Can have a fun side, but just don’t mess with his stuff too much. He doesn’t need a Mammon 2.0 around too...

Satan

He's either hatching a plan for world domination or adopting 10 cats… One or the other.

About as poor as Mammon at first, but threat not. He won’t be for very long. Satan is intelligent beyond his years (or equivalent his years maybe?) so he’ll probably net himself several degrees within a couple semesters like a certified prodigy.

At that point, there really isn’t much to worry about (aside from student loans, join our pain Satan) but he can sell himself just fine and probably get some high paying job like a lawyer or doctor or whatever… I’m not jealous…

They’ll start out in a pretty modest place, but there will be upgrades fairly quickly when he starts racking it in so Satan’s a fairly decent choice as a roommate.

He does still have that nasty habit of breaking things when he’s pissed off, but that can be subverted by getting a pet! Just hold up whatever cat you own when he’s about to rampage then declare that he’s scaring/upsetting them and he’ll stop in his tracks. Works every time!

Probably going to be the most domestic out of the brothers. He enjoys cooking (and ain’t half bad at it either), shopping is a practical necessity, he’ll take care your pets like they were his own flesh and blood, etc.

There will even to be points where he’s in bed reading in the middle of the night with tea and reading glasses like some kind of grandma so take that image for what you will.

Satan is the prankster of the household, but he does his pranks more as a way to give grief to his enemies rather than for funsies. Be warned, if you poke this bear he will retaliate for sweet, sweet revenge and he has centuries worth of pranks behind him. Good luck.

Asmodeus 

It's a new party every night, sweetie, get used to it!

Asmo is the only other brother who has some amount of money to offer from his own trips to the human world, but it's just a modest amount.

Is totally willing to work to help pay for a nice place. He wants a building nice enough to host parties!

Would go back to modeling and maybe dip his toe into acting from time to time… He gets a lot of gigs (this IS the Avatar of Lust after all) so they won't be strapped for cash. Which is good, because Asmo is a very "business by day, but party every night" kind of person. 

Do know that his shopping is NOT going to slow down either. Keep an eye on the budget.

He’s also going to make friends wherever he goes so he’s going to want for them all to hang out at least somewhat regularly.

That being said, he can tone it down some if the MC so desires, just know that they can’t keep him cooped up in the apartment for too long or he’ll start getting antsy. You can’t keep this stallion locked up, MC, he needs to run free!!

Being with Asmo is going to be like having a free pass to whatever gathering the MC wants to go to, at least. He could even get them into red carpet events with just his sheer charisma, charm, and er-… “charms.” Who doesn’t want to meet their favorite actress or singer, eh?

But oh, sweetie, please don’t prank him! Life is too short to waste on silly games (he also just genuinely just doesn’t enjoy being messed with so best not do it).

Beelzebub 

Brave choice, MC, but quick question. How in the world are you going to pay your food bills???

Beel is a real sweetheart through and through but his stomach is NOT. That thing will eat them out of house and home! (Maybe even literally!!) Both of them are going to have to work and probably some pretty looong hours (cause he’s got no money either).

Honestly, Beel would be best as a personal trainer in the human world. He’s a pretty decent combination of tough but genuinely kind and motivating. (The fact that he’s pretty easy on the eyes would help out a lot too).

But the MC won’t have to worry about Beel sneaking off with someone just looking for some “quality time.” He’d take his job seriously, though he’s not particularly versed in what the human body can’t handle so only the really dedicated (or masochistic) would stick with him anyway.

“Good work last week, April! You did so well that we’re going to go from 500 pushups to a thousand! … I can see you’re worried, but I believe in you.”

But hey, he can deadlift well over 2,000 pounds without breaking a sweat so who has the balls to argue with him, anyway?

Trying out every restaurant in town would be a must. He’d even plan out vacations for them with the sole purpose of travelling the globe and tasting the different flavors. Food trips!!

He's neat enough since he used to tidy up a lot for Belphie so no need to worry about him picking up after himself (except for the occasional pile of wrappers. Toss those out unless you want ants)

I mean, you can prank Beel if you want. He'll be pretty good-natured about it as long as it stays harmless. Just don't ruin any of his food, got it?

Belphegor 

So… Belphie makes for some excellent décor! Really he is great at laying around and looking fantastic just… he’s not that great at much else...

Realistically, choosing Belphie as a roommate is kind like having a high maintenance pet. He’s good for love and cuddles, but he’s not going to be helping with the bills or anything unless they whine incessantly about it.

If the MC can make enough for the both of them, then it should be fine. They won’t get upset and he won’t be crabby but if not… Oh boy.

Regular job Belphie is a needy Belphie. He’ll come back from whatever job he’s working, likely a night shift, and demand attention or cuddles right then and there. He needs to recharge those batteries, after all...

If he isn’t working then he's at his happiest. He can even pull off being a “househusband” of sorts. He’s not going to go above and beyond the call of duty, but he can keep the place clean, get a basic meal on the table (provided someone teaches him some human recipes), and get groceries if he needs to… You know, basic domestic shit.

They’re going to have to come to terms with the fact that, at some level, Belphie just doesn’t believe in “common curtesy” or “human decency.” If some neighbors are being too noisy for his liking, he will troll them to oblivion and beyond. He may even get sued for it if he takes it too far, so the MC will have to keep an eye on him…

He’s the House’s #2 prankster, but unlike Satan he doesn’t need any malice to be a little shit. The MC will be pranked and it will be at the most unexpected times. Be warned...

Check out my Masterlist for more!

[wheelsup]

the taming of the shrew | one

he is more a shrew than she

penelope reveals her plan to get you and spencer together. unfortunately, her plan has a few hitches. 

A/N: again, big thanks to @homoose for being my helpful beta reader, and to YOU for reading it now. 

category: fluff, spencer reid x fem!reader, series

wc: 4.1k

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Penelope came back to your place the following night, bearing a new bottle of wine and a collection of materials she mentioned were integral to executing the plan.

Very quickly into Penelope’s explanation of this Genius Plan –– her words, not yours –– you remembered what it was she did for work. Officially, she was some sort of technical computer-y person for the Federal Bureau. As you knew her, she’s a danger to society and anyone with a traceable digital presence.

She managed to construct a comprehensive list of every place in D.C. and Virginia that her friend liked going to, along with the approximate times in which you were most likely to find him there. Approximate meaning, exactly which days he visits and the roughly time of day, down to a mere one hour margin of error.

You scanned the list over, shocked at its detail. Where he cut his hair, got his coffee, bought his books. His favorite restaurants, the chess clubs he’s a member of, his local hospital.

His local hospital?!

“I’m not going to need to know that, am I?” you paused.

“Probably not, but it comes in handy with this job,” she shrugged with a nonchalance that was rather alarming.

There had to be a dozen more places on the sheet –– ranked, in order of his (assumed) preference for them. Penelope calculated it based on the frequency of his visits, their average duration per session, and how often he’d mentioned about the place.

“What?” she tossed her palms up, taking offense when you asked her if she had evil plans to take over the tristate area. “Hang out with him long enough, you tell me if you pick up a knack for researching or not.”

Researching. Mining private data through questionable methods. It’s a small difference to Penelope.

“Remind me not to get on your bad side, Penelope,” you muttered under your breath, flipping the sheet back and forth. “You could ruin my whole life with ten minutes on a computer.”

“I wanted to be thorough,” she defended, shrugging. “And I’d only need five.”

You laughed through your nose, giving the paper one last scan. “You left out one important thing, though.”

“No, I put his home address on there,” her brows wrinkled together as she pointed it out on the sheet with one hot pink polished finger.

“His name,” you berated. “Jesus, you think I’m going to show up at his home?!”

“Again! I’m thorough,” she cried at your accusatory tone. “His name’s Spencer. You’ll like him when you meet him.” 

_

You didn’t doubt that Penelope’s friend was a likeable guy, but you weren’t exactly dying to go out of your way to meet him. You told her that you’d get around to it when you had a chance and left it at that.

And two weeks later, you found yourself in need of a caffeine fix that your tea kettle wasn’t strong enough to satisfy. You started on a new piece late the previous night, and midnight rolled into four in the morning, which pushed you into the arms of seven o’clock. Reinforcements were needed.

Throwing on a large sweater to cover up your messy clothes and grabbing the closest pair of shoes you could find, you originally planned on heading to your usual spot just around your street corner. Just as you were leaving, the list, still sitting untouched in the exact spot that Penelope left it in, caught your eye.

It’d been a while since you told Penelope you’d help her out. Enough time had passed that you now felt like there was an invisible deadline over your head.

Maybe it won’t hurt to try something new?

Besides, meeting someone at a coffee shop seemed like an easy, foolproof way to go about this. From all the movies and romance novels, you knew that cafes are the pinnacle of meet-cute situations. Or, in your case, a meet-forced.

Regardless, it should’ve been simple enough, and it would’ve gotten the favor off your shoulder.

You scanned the sheet for the cafe Spencer would be at on a Thursday at 8 a.m., and got there with barely five minutes to spare before he was expected to show.

It was just your luck that he had to pick a cafe practically as far from your home as he could get, and the transfer train had to have a delay that made you walk the last three-quarters of a mile there. Call it crazy, but you didn’t expect to actually have to put in work for this. You expected it better be worth the hassle.

You took a seat in the back of the cafe to catch your breath as you waited for him to show up. Sitting in the booth, with your head down so you coudn’t be seen, the plan started to feel stupid all over again. You were running around the city, spying on this stranger, and for what?

The silver bell hung over the door frame interrupted before your thoughts could travel down that path of questioning. It rang each time a new patron enters, and within the next twenty minutes it rang only eight or nine times. None of them appeared to be Spencer.

You were prepared to call this one a failure and leave, when you realized your colossal mistake. You only had his name, and no idea what he looks like. So unless he happened to wear a name tag around you could’ve already missed him. You realized then that there were more than a few flaws in this plan.

Keeping an eye on the door, you dialed Penelope’s contact as a swarm of new patrons flooded in.

“How am I supposed to know what he looks like?” you whispered into the phone, failing to cover it with a hand cupped over the speaker. Penelope was confused for only a second by the apparent lack of context.

“Oh! He’s tall, has mousy brown hair but he cut it recently. It’s like… missing on the sides, but it’s all there in the front!” she explained.

What the hell does she mean missing?

“Pen, brunette? That’s like all the guys in here…” You took a look around the full cafe; various men typing on computers, taking calls. All of them looked the same, from their brown hair to their khakis and puffer coats. “You’re going to have to give me a little more than brown hair.”

Penelope struggled to explain and with each new feature she gave you, your mental picture of him got more clouded. “He’s skinny! Dresses like a vintage teddy bear!”

“Does he have kind of like… a hot English teacher vibe?” you quirked your head, spying a man approaching from the sidewalk and drinking him in with your eyes. Tall, brunette, clad in corduroy head to toe with a plaid sweater vest underneath. Vintage Teddy Bear F/W 1978 collection.

“Yes! He teaches sometimes! And you think he’s hot?”

Your mouth gaped even though she couldn’t see you. “No, I - I didn’t say that. I said he had the vibes of a hot teacher.”

“And how different is that from saying he’s––”

“Pen, I gotta go. Your guy’s walking in.” You put the phone away before she could pick apart what you said.

The bell on the front door rang as he came in and you stared intently at his face. If this was like the movies, he’d turn his head right then, at the perfect time, and make eye contact. He’d fall madly in love from the first look, and your work would be done. You sat at the edge of your seat, burning holes into his skull, waiting for that moment.

But alas, he never looked up from the linoleum flooring as he walked up to the counter. With a groan, you slid out of your booth and quickly hopped into the line before anyone else could claim the spot behind him.

New plan: eavesdrop, order the same coffee as him, and pretend to go for the cup at the same time. Laugh about the coincidence, how if you share the same coffee order you must certainly have a lot in common, and have him fall in love with you.

But you overheard him rattle off his order and were absolutely horrified. Black coffee, extra sugar. Like, extra, extra sugar.

You were going to need a second change of plans.

You eyed him up and down, searching for something you could approach him about. He was donning black converse under a fitted pair of dark brown corduroy trousers, with a blazer to match, and a deep green plaid vest underneath. On paper, this outfit shouldn’t work. In practice, it… really did.

A little too well, given how good he looks in it. More fashionable than a federal agent ought to be as required by dress codes, right?

“Can I help you?” you heard, and it poked the bubble of your thoughts. Your head shot up to meet his for the first time, eyes wide as heat crawled up your face.

“Uh. No ––” Shit. You didn’t even realize how long you were staring at his legs. Long, long legs. And shit, why did you say no? That was your opening to talk to him.

The man –– Spencer –– nodded his head slowly, uncomfortably, and turned away with a forced grin. He grabbed the coffee cup placed on the counter and you thought now was the time to say something. But by the time you thought of it, he’d already picked up his cup and made his way to the door.

The stupid silver bell mocked you as he left.

__

The first attempt left you slightly jilted, but a few days later you found yourself in need of a few grocery items. You just happened to be in his neighborhood that day, and though it was very much out of the way of your own, you didn’t plan on it being a problem. He’d never see where you lived anyways, and he’d never need to know how unlikely this chance encounter really was.

You had Penelope text you the address of his regular grocery store, and upon arrival, felt immediate concern. It was not a grocery store. It was a convenience mart slash liquor store at the corner of the street, below a building of worn apartments.

As you walked through the aisles, the only things you found were a large assortment of wines that took up half the small store space, an aisle of candy packets and chips, a section for household supplies, and one measly aisle for canned and boxed foods.

Cereal, instant noodles, soup cans, pancake mix… nothing very fresh.

Spencer seemed like a pretty scrawny guy. You now believed it might’ve been from the fact that his food choices were so off-putting that he simply didn’t eat. It wasn’t your place to be concerned, but you decided that if you ever ended up taking him out, a farmer’s market might be good for him.

You loitered around for perhaps longer than necessary. The inquisitive shop attendant asked if you need help –– as in, why are you still here, get out of my store –– and you told her you were just really conflicted on which detergent brand you needed. Finally, the man you were after arrived at the scene.

“Hi, Dolores,” he greete with a small wave. The attendant, Dolores, greets back with a positivity that she sorely lacked when talking to you. Dolores has favorites, apparently.

An unexpected panic settled in your stomach and you quickly turned back to your selection of fabric softeners. You weren’t hiding, you just didn’t want him to catch you staring again. You picked up your two props, pretending to read the labels on the back and compare the chemical formulas on each of them, when you saw him out of the corner of your eyes.

He went into the aisle in front of yours, and over the short shelves you saw the back of his head sweeping over the modest food section. He turned around to inspect the other side of the aisle, and you ducked your head even lower. It was in vain. He spotted you anyway.

You fixed your eyes even harder onto the bottles, afraid to look anywhere else. He shuffled out of his aisle and turned the corner into yours. You started sweating a little.

“Uhm. Excuse me,” he said.

“Yeah?” You looked up from your bottles, putting on your best caught-off-guard face. Like you were a girl in a movie, reading a book on the beach (not detergent labels in a liquor store) and your romantic interest just noticed how beautiful you looked doing it, deciding he had to introduce himself.

“Can you… can you move…” he asked, gesturing to the section of cleaners that you’re blocking.

Never mind.

“Oh! Yeah, sorry.” You burned up, moving out of his way. He reached for what he needed and you peeked down to inspect the contents of his basket. Organic whole wheat bread, cream of mushroom soup, and somehow, he’d managed to find the only two apples this place must carry. At least there was light at the end of the dark, dark tunnel.

He tossed a bottle of Snuggle fabric softener and you raised your brows. Given that he was “grocery shopping’’ in a three-piece suit –– a good one, too, black trousers, vest and blazer with an eggplant purple shirt and lavender tie –– you would’ve expected him to simply send his clothes out for dry cleaning.

“Snuggle, huh?” you said. He gave you a confused look. “Oh, uh. I was looking at these. Couldn’t pick between the two.” You raised your two bottles of softener; Snuggle and Tide.

You needed him to know you weren’t just saying Snuggle to insinuate that you would like to do that to him. You remembered Penelope telling you he had a degree in chemistry or some sort of science field, and asked, “Is… is that one like, more organic? I was trying to read the formulas but I don’t… I don’t recognize the chemicals,” you trailed off. You could see yourself losing his interest the more you spoke. He barely looked at you as he grabbed whatever else he needed.

“I don’t know… I just like it,” he bristled. You looked down at the bottle and flipped it over to the front. It had a drawing of a teddy bear on it. How fitting.

You go to comment on it but yet again he’d made an escape, already at the checkout counter and unloading his basket by the time you looked up again. You rolled your eyes, wondering if it’s even worth it to follow him into line and see if he sparks up a conversation this time.

You could tell that he wouldn’t. So you gave him the space to buy his items and leave.

You didn’t really need the detergent, but Dolores gave you a pointed look before you could even think about putting it back on the shelf. You ended up buying the detergent, a loaf of bread, and two packets of sweets out of guilt.

As you took the train home, digging into your packet of sour peach rings, you began to doubt if you can carry out Penelope’s request.

_

After two failed attempts, you were prepared to tell Penelope that this just wasn’t going to work out. You didn’t expect it to be this difficult to talk to Spencer nor did you see yourself getting closer to him anytime soon. It would be best if she just found someone else to do it.

You caught her in the hallway, leaving her apartment just as you came home from the store. It seemed like as good of a time as any to let her know how unsuccessful your escapades were going. With your tail between your legs, you approached her with the intention of breaking the plan off.

But the second she saw you, it was like she could read through you. She clocked what you were about to say and before you could, she gave you a warm hug. It was the first one you’d ever received from her, actually. And she thanked you for trying.

It didn’t make you feel guilty, per se, but it definitely made you feel weird about telling her the news. So you bit back on telling her what you were really going to say. She didn’t need to know the details of your failure, or the fact that you were seconds away from giving up on her friend.

Maybe you didn’t need to give up right away.

After all, you did only talk to the guy twice. Don’t they always say the third time’s the charm?

You left the conversation at just that –– letting her know that you’re happy to do this for her, even if you aren’t really –– and slinked back into your apartment. The list, buried under the magazines and paint tubes and half-full cups of cold coffee on your table, called for you.

If by any stroke of luck you happened to share one interest with this guy, you promised yourself to give it one more try.

According to the list, that overlapping interest was the wonderful world of Gatsby Books –– a small, locally owned bookstore residing in the heart of D.C. ’s arts district. That neighborhood was smack in the middle of your’s and Spencer’s, and it was where the gallery you showcase at was.

You’d been meaning to get down there for a while now, anyways. It really was the cutest bookstore in the world; inside it lived a white, bushy-furred cat named Gatsby, and he was always there. After all, it was his bookstore.

It wasn’t such a burden to make your visit fit Spencer’s schedule, really. And it would make Penelope happy if you did. So on Saturday afternoon, you took a lovely walk through the sunny arts district of D.C., a smile on your face and a tote in hand for all the books you were planning on hauling back.

The smell of paper and coffee greeted your nose at the door, and you practically fell into a trance, letting it lead you through the aisles of the store without much thought of where you wandered. Not that it mattered, you could’ve roamed the shelves aimlessly all day long.

In the mystery and thrillers section, you found Gatsby. He jumped down from his perch on a step stool and weaved between your legs, greeting one of his long-time regulars. He was such a good shop owner.

“Hi, Mr. Gatsby.” You smiled and bent down to give him a little head scratch when he started running off in the other direction, taunting you into following him.

He rounded the corner and came to a stop at a pair of boot-clad feet; your eyes moved up to find your favorite employee (after Gatsby, of course) restocking the shelves.

“Miles!” you whispered, but he still jumped out of his skin. He turned around, hand still over his chest, and sighed when he realized it was just you. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” you laughed.

“Hey, long time, no see. Back for some more recommendations?” You ‘ooh’ed at his offer.

“I was just gonna say, the ones you gave me last time were so good. I finished them in, like, a week.”

“Really?” He smiled, brows happily up his forehead. You nodded in assent. “Okay, well I’ll give you more this time, see if the list’ll last you a little longer than that.”

You grinned eagerly, following him to the shop counter where he pulled out a stack of bright green post-its and a pen.

“I’ve actually been waiting for you to come in, I already had these in mind for you,” he mumbled, scrawling across the paper quickly. He handed the note over, and it took a moment to decipher the chicken scratches.

“Okay, first you gave me Al-Shayk and Bradbury. Now you’re giving me Chaucer, Dickens, and Doyle,” you recited the note, giving him a teasing look. “Are we just going through the alphabet, Miles?” you joked.

“Honest mistake. But I’d be happy to give you all the other twenty-two letters of the alphabet if needed.”

“I might hold you to that.” You nodded, folding the post-it in your palm to prevent the sticky backing from gunking up. It’d make quite the good bookmark for later. “Thanks for these!”

“No problem, just a part of the job.”

Nonetheless, you thanked him again before disappearing back into the aisles. You found Miles’ books as well as a few of your own and nearly lost yourself in the rows of floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, until you made a turn. Standing in the middle of the next aisle was Spencer.

A week ago, he was the whole point of coming to the store. That day, you completely forgot about it, and it stopped you in your tracks to see him there. He was just standing in the middle of the walkway, staring blankly at the shelf in front of him.

“Excuse me,” you grinned, “Could you move?”

You thought it was a cute reference back to the laundry detergent fiasco, a chance for you to turn the tables, but he had no reaction to it whatsoever. His face was straight as he merely pivoted his shoulder out of your way as you reached for the book you needed; The Narrative of John Smith.

His eyes narrowed at you and his nostrils flared, and you wondered if it was called for because you grabbed the last copy they had in stock.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want this?” you asked, waving the book in his face. He was just standing there for so long, you didn’t think he actually wanted anything since he never picked it up.

“No,” he said coldly.

Contrary to Penelope’s review, he didn’t actually seem that warm of a person. But you smiled tightly at him, letting a forced laugh fill the stale air.

“I… I swear I’m not stalking you,” you laughed, rubbing the back of your neck. Technically it was a bit of a lie, but he didn’t need to know. It’s just something people say when they have the happy coincidence of running into a stranger so often.

“What did you say to me?” he bit. His tone was sharper than you felt like this conversation deserves.

“I mean, I’ve just been seeing you around a lot… it was, like, a joke? Like, ‘ahh watch out, I’m stalking you!’ you know?” With each second he stared you down, you felt your throat dry out, getting more flustered as you felt the need to over explain yourself.

“Maybe you should work on your comedy routine,” he barked, his voice just faintly cracking. He shoulder-checked you as he rushed out of the store in long strides and a brisk pace.

What in the absolute fuck.

You couldn’t stay in the shop for another minute. You dropped your stack of books at the counter with Miles, giving him a rushed apology for leaving them behind as you stormed out of the shop and headed in the opposite direction of where Spencer ran off to.

The air outside was now frosty as the sun disappeared behind the horizon; the wind nipped at your hot cheeks as you charged home. There weren’t enough words to quantify the anger you felt. Your mind ran rampant with how much you now hated this man.

Not only did he bite your head off for no good reason, but he publicly embarrassed you at your favorite place and had gone so far as to bruise your shoulder to make a point. And you know what? If he really wanted you out of his way, you were more than happy to leave him the hell alone for the rest of your life.

You reached into your jacket pocket for your phone and dialed Penelope.

“Hey! How are––” she cheered.

“It’s off.”

“What?”

“It’s off. I’m not dating your fucking friend.”

“What happened? I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding––” she started in a panic. She pleaded that you overlook whatever went wrong and promised that she’d have a talk with Spencer about it. She’d try to encourage him into the direction that you need.

None of that registered in your brain, hot blood filling your ears instead of her words.

“He’s a fucking ass,” you spat. “The more I see of him, the less I like him, and… I’m pretty sure we’d rather kill each other than date at this point. So yeah, I’m done.”

☆

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