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gabbylight · 5 years ago

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A 5:15 am thought

After dwelling in a wierd mood of depression for the past couple of days. It’s gonna be hard moving on from you. I’m going to start frustrated with her but after realizing something, youre a hypocrite after how much you talk shit about Carmina of how she found another guy. Not even a month you found someone else to replace me. I’m happy and kinda troubled by it because I’ve dated you for four years and I kinda know where it’s leading to

But i calm down a bit now, I’m glad that I had some eye opening stuff from her family, friends and subreddit. I don’t need coworkers to influence some stuff in the background or have them say stuff

As of right now life is alright, I’m talking to another girl not so I can hook up. So I can have more friends again, I lost plenty of friends because of this relationship because the way she is. But that was my decision to lose my friends so I can deal with her and focus on her

Anyways after reading our text from our stupid twitter and messages, I came to realize who it is at fault. Not me that is at fault alone it’s both of us, you can’t blame me for having the relationship to collapse from 2018. She needs to think about it, for two years I was happy and falling in love with Lia but once she left to SC to NYC everything changed, her priority and attention wasn’t towards to me anymore. Her attention was to her sister, brother in law and roommates. And with the response of her actions I got friendly with another girl at work because my own gf can’t give me the happiness, or attention anymore.

Dom is a cool person to be around, fun to talk I guess and she’s pretty (and for girls out there, I respect all girls are pretty but at the end of day the girl you’re dating is the prettiest) but I did have a small crush on her but at the end of day i didn’t like her because I was using her as my way to get some attention from the opposite sex since my gf couldn’t give it to me for the past 2 years. Plus She’s to much of a rave person and not my nerdy geeky girl like Lia. And this is where leads to issues, why I’m unblocking Dom and why I’m screenshot it. Bottom line is this, good friend she let me listen to my problems and be unbiased and the screenshot was uncalled for. And then another issue on Lia’s tumblr about her need of happiness.

I stop going to school so I can give you the attention and affection that you didn’t had. I sacrifice my school for my love to you and then I see you rambling on your tumblr that you weren’t happy. I bought you things but as time went on you started to materialistic, you wanted expensive name brand bags, you wanted iPads. Lia I understand you want this and that but what happened to the basic shit that I love you? And then we got your NYC issue during the last two years of dating you, you set yourself up. I understand that you wanted have fun with your roommates and laugh with your sister but if you can’t spend time with your bf at least 3 hours a day then that’s a recipe of disaster which lead me talking to Dom. So what you can laugh all day and talk to your roommates for 5 hours and I’m over here on the FaceTime doing nothing? Lia you did this to yourself you ignored me for hours everyday. And then you said you wanted happiness? Two years lia from late 2017 and Q2 2019 you neglected me to talk or even ask how’s my day. And I have to remind you every time just to ask my day or even text me at work when I’m waiting for your reply. We barely play games and if we do it’s a miracle.

So I hope if you do date Marshall you give him the attention and don’t repeat your mistakes what you did to me. Dom was your doing, it was your response for not giving me the attention I wanted from my gf. So this is how it feels like being cold in a relationship. Can’t even ask how my day is and I had to argue about that problem last May

Then here’s my own issue, I understand that I don’t have any priorities in life, in reality I wanted to make you happy as possible but we both know LDR is very limited. So after posting your tumblr about how you can sleep on Marshall’s shoulder because of anxiety it rattle me and how you said that. I did the exact same thing with you when I visit????

Anyways

Yes I understand my priorities were fucked but I was ready to move by the 25th so I can get my life straighten out and go back to school. But bottom line is this, idc what you think but you started to bring up unnecessary shit and heated the argument like you always do. And your mom doesn’t like me? For what reason? Because how your daughter doesn’t know when to stop or when to stop when I’m already done talking? Get mad as much as you want but I want people to be in the receiving end of your daughter when she wants to escalate everything.

And then another issue with babbling with your NYC buddies. you had the audacity to tell dan that you had to pay for everything like plane tickets and other expenses. Lia you never ever told me how much you make for two years I had an impression you get paid a lot compare to my measly 5.25 an hour and tips. Before you went to NYC, I worked five days cleaning tables so I can buy you three fuckinh tickets. And these are airplane tickets, but you weren’t happy because these weren’t business class tickets. Tell him that

Understand this Lia you never told me how much you made and I assumed you get paid a lot than me. You need to speak up and tell me, and that’s our issue: communication. So if you’re reading this tell Dan that, I still paid for my half and I paid 50-80 dollars more than you had to. And when I do pay I couldn’t buy anything for myself for the next three pay checks or till I see you. Hell ik you had to pay for other rent and shit but bottom line is this you never told me how much you made and then you requested me to buy stuff.

Anyways stop with your I deserved happiness speech, I still love you but you need to be in the other shoe and not be narrow minded. But it’s to late, Lia is already opening her heart to another relationship. Weirdly enough for me I’m talking to another girl and I don’t like it. Sure me and lia had issues but I realize many things since I’m observant

1. We don’t argue at all when we are see each other and these are times when I’m there for months end. Because the physical well being is there and we can talk it out

2. Lia and I are very cheesy and I still get butterflies when I see her or when I hold my hands with her. I just don’t tell her that because I’m shy

3. After our arguing we tease each other and laugh

4. Idk about her whenever I leave to work and tell her kiss kiss kiss in the lips I’ll be hkme around 11:45 I cheesy hard

5. She gets clingy when I see her and I love it

6. We talk about our future sometimes and I saw her in my future

7. Ik she can agree with this but I love being around her or when my body is next to her or touching hers. Sorry I’m acting like I’m in high school but it’s nice

At the end of day despite all the heat I still accept her, even though when she was in NYC talking with her roommates for hours I’m still happy that the FaceTime is still on and I can finally see her when she left. And with the break I had since I had mental breakdown, I deeply fell in love with her more

IK things didn’t go well on the 25th but I wished she waited till Saturday and not post that tweet and involve unnecessary people

If I had a time machine I would tell myself to go and leave my mom with the tumor she just recently told me and things would of been different

But it’s life now, I’m talking to someone who I wasn’t expecting at all to come back since I thought she hated me when that girl Edith lied to her but I’m in mood of being in relationship at this moment. But If Lia accepts me back I’ll be glad to go back but I’ll be better man, I woke up finally but I’m playing with devils advocate and it’s dangerous hoping if she accepts me back. And if she doesn’t then I hope my decision to joining the Boot Camp will fix my life.

But eventually if everything is at a stalemate I’ll have to remove Lia from everything and that’s going to sadden me the most

But I wished Lia could of waited till Saturday for the move and none of this would of happened

#personal

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grim-notes · 5 years ago

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We’re going to meet..

At this point we have been talking for about two weeks straight. We worked similar worked schedules. Sometimes I’d text her first thing in the morning and sometimes she would. There was always a text. We would talk throughout the day until we both went to bed. I loved getting a morning text from her. For once I felt like I had a purpose and that she valued and cared for me. She made me want to better myself . She was my inspiration. Just to see a text saying “ hope you have a good day at work” gave me such a warm feeling inside of me. What she doesn’t know is that everyday talking to her was a good day. Even on a crappy hot workday I didn’t let anything bother me cause I know when I’m done I had her to talk to about my day and how I was feeling. We always asked each other about how work was. We really cared for each other.

At night we would talk randomly about shows, movies, games, life. We always had a topic to talk about. Never a dull moment. We were both interested in the same things : games, animals, anime, art, fishing, memes. The list goes on and on. It was weird at first but really it was like we were made for each other.

We got serious a few times talking about her past. How her one bf was controlling and would let her be her trueself. And her other bf who is to abuse her to point where she didn’t feel safe home alone and moved back home. I never want to see any of them. I don’t like people who try to change a person cause it’s not up to their standards. Or someone who abuses people especially a girl. She also went a phase of drugs and alcohol. 0-100 she would say. She start by doing a lil bit then next day she’d be investing a lot of money for that drug and become a addict. She got off the drugs eventually and started to go to meetings with sponsors and sponsees talk about their lives and their drug problems. She said it helps her when she is having a bad time and makes sure she is not falling back into that cycle. I wish I knew more about it to better understand her. She didn’t deserve any of it. She is so special and deserves only the best. I often wonder that if we talked more when we were younger that maybe I could of saved her from the heartache and pain.

I then tell her my story. I don’t share my past with anyone. I don’t have many friends and the handful that I do only know one or two of my past secrets. When I started to tell her my secrets I was nervous. I told her everything. I didn’t know what she was going to think. I thought she was just gonna hear it then run away from me. But I told her anyway. I had such strong feelings for her. I just hoped she did too. I told her how my stepdad was abusive to me growing up from when I was 4 till I was 18. He beat my confidence down through out the years. Always making fun of me. Whether it’s about my weight, looks, saying I’d end up in jail every chance he got. He was nothing like a father . I visited my dad on the weekends and had multiple chances to move in with him but said no every time. I didn’t want to leave my mother or sister. When I turned 18 I moved out. I could be around my stepdad anymore. This made my stepdad happy and my father furious. I didn’t move to my dads I moved to my friends house. Their parents were ok with it as long as I went to school. My father picked me up from my friends house and yelled and screamed at me asking if I was on drugs or on pills. I was not. I didn’t start doing drugs till i was like 19. And only marijuana. I didn’t care for anything else. I was so hurt my father thought I’d do something like that and worse he didn’t have my back. I was determined to prove my stepdad and mom wrong. But without my fathers support I stopped caring. Till this day I have seen my father only a handful of times. I don’t know if we will ever get back to normal. My stepdad cheated on my mom and they got a divorce. And when that happened she saw what I was going through my whole life and I’m her marriage. She said she thinks back on a day when I was about 10 and my sister was still a baby. Her n my stepdad got into a fight. We were leaving the house and she was upset. I told her we should run away from my stepdad and never come back. She knew I hated him. She said after the divorce that she should of listened to me. I didn’t hate her for my life but I feel like it could of been better without him after they had my sister of course. I think he’s the reason why I’m so shy and why I have problems interacting with people sometimes.

I then tell her about my life how I moved from place to place and job to job and was going no where in life. I did that for about 7 years until I finally went back to living at my moms where I started to get my life on track. 4 yrs later I have my own place, car and a good job. Still basically working paycheck to paycheck but I’m improving myself and I’m moving up in the company.

The one thing I didn’t tell her is about the scars on my arm. I was afraid she’d get weirded out and not talk to me. My gf when I was in high school was suicidal. Sometimes she would just cut herself. I didn’t understand why or how she get like that. Eventually she did it again and I had enough of it . I told her to stop doing that to herself and she wouldn’t. I was so upset. I told her if she cuts herself then I’m gonna cut myself. I didn’t slice across my wrists. I carved our initials in my arm with a razor. She stopped trying to cut herself which I was so grateful for. I now have a scar there and I am so embarrassed by it. I don’t want to draw any attention to it. I don’t want people to ask about it. I was young and dumb. Never have I done something like that. But at the time I wanted to do it. I don’t know why. Maybe to show her the pain she was causing me. I don’t why good people want to take their lives.

We had a deep connection talking about our pasts and I can tell that she cared and she wasn’t going anywhere after hearing that. She said she likes me for me. I like her for her. Just to know someone likes me for me was one of the happiest moments I’ve had. I finally felt cared for and nothing could break my spirit. I told her my secrets because I trusted her and believed there was a future between me and her. Only time could tell. After that night we started to talk about hanging out. We finally decided she’d come over and we could watch a movie. We were going to go to a Japanese restaurant and get bubble tea. But I told her we could go but I might not eat much cause if I get too nervous I lose my appetite. It’s quite embarrassing but she understood and thought a movie and video games would be a good first time meeting and getting to know each other. I was excited and nervous. I was afraid she was going to not like me. I told her I didn’t want to jump right a relationship cause I’ve been single for 10+ years. So it would be quite the change and I liked her. A lot. I was falling for her. I didn’t tell her that but I think she was falling for me too. I didn’t want to hurt her or myself. Even though I thought that, I also thought that when she met me she’d stop liking me. We eventually set up a date. The next Saturday we were going to hang out cause that’s the one day we both possibly have off. I couldn’t wait for that day. I couldn’t wait to lock eyes with her and to finally to be able to touch her and hug her. I had to make a good impression

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adambstingus · 7 years ago

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12 Guys Reveal What A Woman Did In Bed That Changed What They Expected From Sex Forever

1. I finally came from a blowjob

My current girlfriend was actually one of my best friends for a year or two before we started dating. As such, she knew a lot of things about me that GFs typically wouldn’t… for instance, that I had never gotten off from a blowjob before.

Our first time messing around, she suddenly gets all dominant on me and telling me what to do. This was a really big shocker because she typically she can’t even decide if she’s hungry or not. Anyways, she goes down, and does some serious business for a solid 10 minutes. She’s going at it like her one goal on earth is to ruin this streak of BJs I’ve had with no happy ending. It was great, but didn’t get me there. So she rolls onto her back and instructs me mount her chest and fuck her face. Shit got real. Streak over. The end.

2. She wantedto be fucked to death

Met a girl at a bar. She took me home. Started fucking almost immediately. Standard right? Would have been except we were strangers an hour before this and now she was having me choke her, smack her as hard as I could, and fuck her face…pretty violently…while she laid with her head hanging off the bed.

The whole time a CD with Elton John and Tracy Chapman is playing in the background. The disparity between the vibes of Tiny Dancer/Fast Car and me choke fucking and smacking a strange woman is something I’ll never forget. 9/10 would recommend.

3. Got horny from being tickled

I hate getting tickled, but this girl that I’m with changed that up for me. One day while hanging out, she started caressing my arm and she knows that I can’t handle that because I’m way too ticklish for it. As I tried to yank my arm away, she held my arm firmly so I couldn’t yank it and just kept going. I let her and then soon enough, I wasn’t even laughing.

I was buckling at the the tickling feeling, but instead of laughing, I was getting turned on. She went further up my arm, started tickling my armpits and sides (i hate getting my sides tickled), and next thing I know, I’m hard as a rock.

4. Most natural sex I ever had

Was with a girl and she was very afraid to have sex for the first time because she thought it would hurt (her mother scared her probably so she wouldn’t sleep around). I thus took it slow with her, making out, oral etc.

One day we were making out naked and we were really into it. And she was on top of me and somehow we didn’t even notice how and suddenly I realized we were actually fucking. She first didn’t get it either, but she was riding me. It was the same motion she would do anyways, except I was somehow inside her.

It was the most natural thing I have ever experienced. No words needed. Somehow it just felt so right in that moment that her fears were erased. Later she was embarrassed how easy it was.

And we got pizza that night

5. Made a girl cum by spanking her

Hooked up a girl, during it gave her a little spank (as one will do). Got a strong reaction and that’s the story of the first time I spanked a girl to orgasm.

10/10, would do again.

6. Checked on friend in between fucking

Went out to drink with a neighbor and her best friend. My neighbor ends up getting hammered and I carry her back to her apartment toilet so she can throw up. Once there, her friend and I start making out.

Neighbor ends up passing out on the toilet but since we didn’t want to stop, we continued making out as I carried and tucked my neighbor into bed, and then over her for like 10 minutes until she seemed fine enough to leave. We ended up fucking most of the night, but had a rule that the first one to orgasm during each session had to walk over to the neighbor’s to make sure she was OK.

7. The BJ just happened

Probably going from regular conversation to blowjob in 2 seconds. I was a little caught off guard, never really had it happen like that.

8. All she wanted was a penis inside her

I met this girl online. Lindsey looked super cute in her pics and seemed like she’d be fun. I picked her up and we went to a restaurant for standard date fare. She was super quiet the entire time, it was pretty lame trying to drag conversation out of her and I kind of just gave up figuring she wasn’t into me.

So we conclude the date and I say I’ll drive her home. At this she seems offended and says she wants to come to my place instead. I was surprised but glad she wanted to spend time with me. So we get to my house, I put on a flick and literally 15 mins into the movie she is buck nekkid riding me on my couch. Turns out she was a total nympho and we went at it for about 4 hours with a couple breather breaks here and there. I remember thinking it was hilarious as there were condoms all over my room just from that encounter. I took her home but she came back the next day and we did the same thing all day and evening on Saturday, just nothing but sex. She just wanted a penis in her at all times. She came over a couple times throughout the next week and honestly I was starting to get worn out from all the sex.

We made plans for her to spend the next weekend at my house and I was looking forward to more tiresome grueling but amazing sex all weekend long. Well Friday I text her and she says she’s all about it, then a couple hours later says that she’s changed her mind and is now getting back with her ex bf. I’m thinking… “does he know what you’ve been up to for the past week” lol. But no biggie, I was disappointed but over it pretty quick, she had some screws loose for sure.

But wait.. .there’s more! So my sister had been dating a guy for a while and they had recently moved in together. I liked the guy a lot and spent a lot of time hanging out at their place. So one day he says his brother is coming over to hang out along with his pregnant girlfriend. When they walked in my eyes popped out of my head, the girlfriend was Lindsey! She recognized me but we both pretended not to know one another. I had to take my sister aside and tell her as she knew all about the nympho story. Turns out Lindsey had gotten preggers right around the time we had our little stint and broke it off with the guy, fucked my brains out for a week then got back with him.

9. I almost cock blocked myself

Late night in college as a party is winding down, I’ve been on the porch smoking and talking about art for a couple of hours and completely missing signs from one of the housemates that she wants to show me a painting in her room. She goes inside for a beer, comes back out and sits next to me, then (without much subtlety) hands me her (wet) panties under the patio table.

Now catching on with lightning speed I ask to see the (not particularly memorable) painting and then sex until dawn. We ended up dating for a year and the friends I’m still in touch with continue to make fun of me for almost cockblocking myself if she hadn’t taken the initiative.

10. I found my fetish

Scratching. It was a girl that I had (and still do) have feelings for, but it just felt really good. It was the one time her and I did anything sexual.

It got me into restraining and now I have a set of handcuffs and leg irons that are like handcuffs.

11. “Blind date”

Back in college I got some girls number at a party, completely forgot because me and my friends partied hard that night. On like Tuesday of the next week I get a text from a name I don’t recall but it’s in my phone and it just said “so when are you gonna wine and dine me?”.

I had no idea who this chick was but I told her I’m free Friday night and went on a “blind date” with a girl I had met before. We got pizza and then went out for drinks later.

So I’m wasted, we go back to her dorm room, and one thing leads to another and next thing you know 3 different parts of me had been in her in various parts laces. The “date” part of the date wasn’t very good, but that night was the first time I essentially licked a strangers butthole. Good times.

12. Left the church and got fucked

So I was raised LDS and legitimately tried to go with it, but decided I needed to be happy more than make others happy.

I left the church at 25 a virgin and decided that needed to change to really sever ties and get my new life started. Problem was that the church scared the shit out of me when it came to women that I couldn’t even get it up when the opportunity arose.

I needed someone who was understanding of my situation and turned to my last bastion of hope – Craigslist.

I ended up meeting a flight attendant in her early 40th that was actually attractive. She was in town and had her own hotel for a few days. I brought a bottle of wine and drank 4/5ths of it, I was so damn nervous.

We get down to business and she’s just playing with damp rope for a good five minutes but she was dedicated to the cause.

Ended up fucking her 12 times over two days. Highlights include getting a blowjob in a shower and fucking her in the ass without realizing it.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/12-guys-reveal-what-a-woman-did-in-bed-that-changed-what-they-expected-from-sex-forever/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/173484646592

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samanthasroberts · 7 years ago

Text

12 Guys Reveal What A Woman Did In Bed That Changed What They Expected From Sex Forever

1. I finally came from a blowjob

2. She wantedto be fucked to death

3. Got horny from being tickled

4. Most natural sex I ever had

It was the most natural thing I have ever experienced. No words needed. Somehow it just felt so right in that moment that her fears were erased. Later she was embarrassed how easy it was.

And we got pizza that night

5. Made a girl cum by spanking her

Hooked up a girl, during it gave her a little spank (as one will do). Got a strong reaction and that’s the story of the first time I spanked a girl to orgasm.

10/10, would do again.

6. Checked on friend in between fucking

7. The BJ just happened

Probably going from regular conversation to blowjob in 2 seconds. I was a little caught off guard, never really had it happen like that.

8. All she wanted was a penis inside her

9. I almost cock blocked myself

10. I found my fetish

Scratching. It was a girl that I had (and still do) have feelings for, but it just felt really good. It was the one time her and I did anything sexual.

It got me into restraining and now I have a set of handcuffs and leg irons that are like handcuffs.

11. “Blind date”

I had no idea who this chick was but I told her I’m free Friday night and went on a “blind date” with a girl I had met before. We got pizza and then went out for drinks later.

12. Left the church and got fucked

So I was raised LDS and legitimately tried to go with it, but decided I needed to be happy more than make others happy.

I needed someone who was understanding of my situation and turned to my last bastion of hope – Craigslist.

We get down to business and she’s just playing with damp rope for a good five minutes but she was dedicated to the cause.

Ended up fucking her 12 times over two days. Highlights include getting a blowjob in a shower and fucking her in the ass without realizing it.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/12-guys-reveal-what-a-woman-did-in-bed-that-changed-what-they-expected-from-sex-forever/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/05/01/12-guys-reveal-what-a-woman-did-in-bed-that-changed-what-they-expected-from-sex-forever/

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allofbeercom · 7 years ago

Text

12 Guys Reveal What A Woman Did In Bed That Changed What They Expected From Sex Forever

1. I finally came from a blowjob

2. She wantedto be fucked to death

3. Got horny from being tickled

4. Most natural sex I ever had

It was the most natural thing I have ever experienced. No words needed. Somehow it just felt so right in that moment that her fears were erased. Later she was embarrassed how easy it was.

And we got pizza that night

5. Made a girl cum by spanking her

Hooked up a girl, during it gave her a little spank (as one will do). Got a strong reaction and that’s the story of the first time I spanked a girl to orgasm.

10/10, would do again.

6. Checked on friend in between fucking

7. The BJ just happened

Probably going from regular conversation to blowjob in 2 seconds. I was a little caught off guard, never really had it happen like that.

8. All she wanted was a penis inside her

9. I almost cock blocked myself

10. I found my fetish

Scratching. It was a girl that I had (and still do) have feelings for, but it just felt really good. It was the one time her and I did anything sexual.

It got me into restraining and now I have a set of handcuffs and leg irons that are like handcuffs.

11. “Blind date”

I had no idea who this chick was but I told her I’m free Friday night and went on a “blind date” with a girl I had met before. We got pizza and then went out for drinks later.

12. Left the church and got fucked

So I was raised LDS and legitimately tried to go with it, but decided I needed to be happy more than make others happy.

I needed someone who was understanding of my situation and turned to my last bastion of hope – Craigslist.

We get down to business and she’s just playing with damp rope for a good five minutes but she was dedicated to the cause.

Ended up fucking her 12 times over two days. Highlights include getting a blowjob in a shower and fucking her in the ass without realizing it.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/12-guys-reveal-what-a-woman-did-in-bed-that-changed-what-they-expected-from-sex-forever/

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jigsisanalien · 4 years ago

Text

As usual, my mom compromises to something and leaves us to deal with it.

A month ago my nana told us she had to get surgery on her eye and they could only do it in a city 3h away from her village (she lives 1h away from us), i told her and my mom that if its needed i could go to her house afterwards, spend a week or so to take care of her, everybody brushed it off. Anyway, two days before the surgery was when they told us so. My uncle was only talking with my mom even though my sis was asking him stuff, my mom wasnt telling us shit either, so i was like wtf. Well saturday (the day of the surgery) came around and it was only when my mom was entering the car with my nana, that she let me know that she was going with her, kay.

After they came back, obviously she needed special care, i though she was only going to stay til Sunday or Monday, since my uncle was meeting other people in the next city, i though he would just drop her off then pick her up when going home, but i was still prepared for the eventuality to go with her.

Sunday night (my mom had the weekend off), my mom tells me that indeed my nana is going to stay for the whole week at our house because she would have us to take care of her, well, also turns out that my mom was going to work for the whole week leaving who to take care of her? ME! I told my mom once again that ive could have gone there because it was better, not only she wouldnt be so dependent on me because she doesnt know how to move around my house, also my nana as an outside area at her house, i wouldnt be needing to remain inside for the whole fucking week. My mom was the one who compromised in taking care of our nana, but yet i was the one who had to deal with it, reschedule everything i had at last minute, without anyone asking me for it or giving me an heads up, just telling me the day before. Im not going to lie that its harder than i though, its a full day care, i couldnt do any shit at all, plus my nana doesnt eat much or certain things, so i never know what to cook for her, i wasnt able to sleep either because im always aware that my nana could do something she doesnt know. Thurdays i woke up in full pain but i still had to manage to get up and take care of her, and my mom couldnt care less.

I had to make my buy groceries, i asked her if she needed anything, i asked more than once, all she told me was bread, she could texted me or call me if she needed something else, she didnt. Next day she tells me she needed to go to the supermarket, i tell her i went on the day before, she could have asked but fuck it, as i got home at 6.30h i told her to hurry up because i had to take care of my nephew, she spent 30min just getting ready for it...obviously when we were there i had to hurry, she always takes an hour to do it because she just stares at stuff for 5 min each, knowing her, of course i would rush her. It still took us 40min and she only bought like 5 items.

Next day, once again she told me she needed to buy another thing she forgot plus going to the pharmacy, which wasnt that urgent, so i went to pick her up at work, left her at home and went to see my friend which had the supermarket next to her, bought what she wanted even more bread. Next day, was the day i woke up in full pain, obviously i couldnt pick her up at work, i told her i was in full pain when she asked me and all she told me "oh now i have to go all loaded(carrying heavy stuff aka more groceries)" it was 20min after she left work, how she managed that, idk, but i started to think that she wasnt leaving work at 3.30pm like she said.

As she gets home after like 2h of leaving work, she realizes she was still missing milk...i went downstairs because she once again was playing the victim of "oh im grabbing a taxi in the morning and buy it or catch the bus" as if, she was even willing to catch the 6pm bus and coming on the 6.30pm bus just to buy milk, when i started to scream at her because once again she was playing the victim and all i did was to go to the supermarket for 3 days straight and she kept saying she forgot something making me go there again, her excuse "oh you were always in a hurry" i went 3 fucking times and she could call, nope once again she turned the blame at me, i left, she continued to play the victim, indeed caught the bus and brought two packs of milk, which nobody drank till two days after and it was me, such an urgent thing.

Friday, she really lost her shit, she went to work in the afternoon and would leave at 9.30pm. Obviously by then my nana was already tired of being here, she barelly left the bed, she didnt even went upstairs to wash herself, she was cleaning the dishes with the kitchen cloth, all because she noticed my mom would leave the dirty dishes piling up and felt bad. She cant go outside, she doesnt have her stuff to take care, thats why i wanted to go there to take care of her, instead of her staying here, because i knew she couldnt stand being isolated inside having to depend on others. Well what my mom did was the worst, knowing she had her mom at home needing care, she decided to meet her bf after work. My nana obviously couldnt sleep because she was worrying my mom wouldnt come home, it was almost midnight when she finally got home and she pressed red when i tried to call her. My nana even asked me if i could take her home afterwards, so i made plans with my friend because i dont want to travel all alone.

Next day, my sister comes here, they are now saying that my unlce is coming either next day or afterwards, but if they could eventually take her, my bil and sis not me, they didnt even mention me, because fuck me right, why i even bother honestly, my mom only does what she wants and fuck everybody else, doesnt even tells us shit.

Once again i canceled plans because of them. Sunday morning my sister had to call them to make the plans for the day, they told her indeed our uncle would come today...probably, so we said fuck it and went to do our thing, taking a stroll in a park, then later i went to my friend. They didnt said shit, later i went to babysit and was only when i got home late that day, when i didnt saw my nana that i knew they left, i though that since they were making plans at last minute my uncle couldnt make it and eventually would be left for us to deal.

The fucked up part was when i got home, my mom was talking to my nana and my nana was probably wanting to thank me, my mom turns to her and says "oh she didnt do more than her own obligation" my obligation???? Her obligation, its HER mom, not mine, it was never my obligation, i just had to deal with it, because once again she compromised to something and left others to deal with it and fuck them and whatever plans or life they have.

#writes

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disparais · 7 years ago

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above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim

eventful first week back at college. trying not to list anything in exceedingly great detail like i was previously wont to do, so-

monday:

first day of school! skipped last lecture to go kayaking with l, h and a. we didn’t end up doing much kayaking + just talked a lot, but being around people i’m genuinely comfortable with was so relaxing it was liberating.

quite proud of myself for having the willpower to stay up and craft l a decent card. i’d feel bad calligraphing her something because it smacks of no effort.

tuesday:

a came in the day to crash a lecture, and she loved the penyet wuhu.

highlight of the day: cf. well, more specifically, running into s at hv (where she proceeded to spectacularly embarrass me by yelling my name across the street), running into s and c at daily scoop, having to sit beside them because the place was ridiculously crowded, and the ensuing invigorating conversation on the panopticon + gender + capitalism + predestination + moral subjectivism with p, s and c.

(nearly burst out laughing when p told j “give me 10 minutes” HAHA)

wednesday:

skipped my first lecture of the year (abnormal bleeding) for an emergency fc meeting.

got stressed af at night when jp arrived at my suite because i hadn’t responded to a’s texts (hey i’d really been busy with ifg training and all). i hate having my personal space invaded by people i’m not close to (i.e. if i didn’t invite you in, you shouldn’t be here) and i was especially rankled by the fact that jp himself was clearly colossally stressed (and i uncharacteristically mirrored him). he’d spent the week speaking in this annoying as fuck hushed tone which made him supremely hard to hear, and he oscillated between sounding exasperated and exhausted which made things difficult because i was torn between frustration (with him, and with the situation) and sympathy/guilt (because he really did have a lot on his plate and the stress, while poorly-managed, was understandable).

i’m ashamed to admit i got snappish and chased g away (as nicely as i was able to, under the circumstances) to protect her from my immediate ire. i wish i’d had better control over my emotions - i seldom melt down this severely under stress, but the pressure that day was somehow overwhelming and her attentions made me feel suffocated and distracted (i mostly needed her to go away so that i could focus on my work). felt so bad thinking these thoughts because she’s so genuine and sweet and sincere and deserved better than what she got from me that night.

g whipped out her strawberry paper and wrote me a card + got kt to write as well. so grateful for them both.

thursday:

lunched with l at bv - my paleo buddy hehe. g gave us some strange butterfly pea-blue cake from chalk farm (sobs mad throwback to london).

fc, d-day.

was mildly triggered when g texted me about it raining because i was in lectures and i’d honestly have preferred it if she hadn’t, but i’m also frankly amazed that i was on her mind and that she was filled with dismay on my behalf - that is moving, and so very selfless.

was bitter and angry about the rain at first, but the bitterness quickly gave way to a sincere desire to understand His will for me.

i was no closer to finding answers/peace by the time the event came round, but i soldiered through with the wet-weather plan i’d firmed up the night before (grateful that jp convinced me to bother with a matrix). was livid with m and jp though, because they failed to keep their promise about letting me call the shots re wet/dry weather, but when it came to the crunch, they opposed me. foolish optimists.

closing ceremony was beyond excellent. electric atmosphere, heard the event heads cried and DO loved it...ahh so fulfilled. and l came! l told me about how the rain’d prevented her from exploring lab park and how all her friends just so happened to be unavailable, resulting in her hanging out with her last resort - her sister. i was so touched by her story, and was more than a little grateful (both towards her and God) for having a reason to be joyful even given the circumstances.

came back completely wiped (my parents gave jp and m a lift back to utown at midnight), and shared my day with g and kt. (took a lotta courage to invite kt, because g and i both agree kt seems to be feelin’ the suite thing less and less these days) was frankly surprised kt acquiesced. i miss how easy things were between the 3 of us last sem; y1s2 feels like an eternity ago now, and kt feels so much more distant all of a sudden.

anyway, things were almost strained, which was beyond heartbreaking - i tried drawing her in/engaging her, but she didn’t really want to take the bait, and eventually she left midway through the conversation. it’s hard to believe there isn’t something inherently broken within me, socially, whenever things like these happen (okay, the rational part of me knows that this is my full-blown shame trigger, but still. i’ll keep this thought here, because it’s frightening that it even crossed my mind.) (it’s not like she offered a “i gotta sleep soon, sorry” or anything. and i think i saw her light on? even close to 3.). i felt really bad because i think the topic of conversation was too moralistic and religiously-tinted, which made it by nature exclusive.

i don’t know how to achieve the same kind of balance that suitefam had last semester. right now, things have just been distilled into me + g. but then again there was the card that came just last night. idk what’s up la sigh don’t overthink this girl this is just gonna go the cupcake route.

got mad abdominal colic after that (can’t tell it if it was a drawn-out sympathetic response to the social anxiety) and excused myself for a while before returning to a half-asleep g. /end convo

friday:

s ahhh i can’t help but admit i feel like he gets me better than j does these days and that makes me so so sad + filled with helplessness

he’s so demanding and i always somehow find it in myself to indulge it sometimes; i can’t believe myself. i always did have a thing for 霸道 people and indulging their whims though - and j used to bother, i think. maybe he still does. i hope he still does - i love him first and foremost, and i really hope he understands where i’m coming from (more on that later).

logically this isn’t going anywhere, s isn’t able to do this and i’m still hoping against hope that j+i can work out somehow, but there’s a tiny traitorous portion of my heart that’s like nope i don’t think so. a much larger portion of my heart is like yas this is the elder brother i never had ;___; the thing i have with s is super precious and all la i really hope we last long friendship-wise haha

anyway. s walked me to nuh the staff way - it was super cool haha and i totally noticed he walked me far further than he originally said he would. was xiao touched la all the words of affirmation and encouragement and sdgl;kgetnrv that day he really read me shockingly well (i guess i trust him to the extent that i don’t throw up (m)any barriers - my occlumency is pretty legit ok) and bolstered my confidence + determination a whole lot.

arrived at nuh only to discover j talking to b and nearly chickened out of telling him a single thing but thankfully b wised up and left. (b is with sb omg) was lowkey annoyed by j settling cgl stuff during dinner (though at least he apologized, not that that makes it acceptable), and was extremely miffed by him cutting me off mid-sentence to deal with more things on his phone. really?

s told me to get up and walk away HAHA but i’d never had a flair for the dramatic, and i certainly wasn’t about to start then.

walked all the way to acjc + ticket saga which mercifully got resolved. he wanted to study gs for the extra hour we had before the concert began and that was when something inside me snapped - seriously, we hardly get to meet and you want to use our one precious hour of free time to study?

/c i’m too tired to go into my discussion with j now (i grade his performance at a solid B- though. and s gave me my first A of medsku wuhu)

came back and called s (see he’s like my de facto bf. ok just kidding he’s a very good friend who is somehow very invested in making sure my relationship works since it involves his near&dear sorta-childhood friend + his “counsellee”) for like 1.5h (mostly post-mortem-ing the discussion) + suppered with j and j.

saturday:

overslept so i didn’t go for commserv in the end haha.

party at js’ house-

i think s was oblivious re the contact (!! wholly initiated by him) but he broke that barrier like 10 times or something haha. as someone who’s fairly sensitive to touch i was kinda shocked but it was nice - touch is the most reserved and special of love languages for me with exceptional close friends/+ and s somehow qualifies. (but of course it would be Inappropriate of me to initiate HAHA)

also s is fucking fantastic at floating. literally the best i have ever played against, m included. don’t think anyone can top m as my best contract partner, though.

+ s told me something and ahh let’s just say i’m certain we won’t get entangled in the near future so it’s all fine for now; my conscience is clear.

also qx --> s. he literally hates me lmao s noted how he actively avoided talking to me at all costs. rip. and c is a parrot

so yeah, as i said, eventful week. week 2 hmu!!! ok 3.17am i really need to sleep because 9am haem tutorial tomorrow (today) sigh. s is coming over for dinner + berries and that’s all i have to be excited about apart from breakfast with g s i g h long day ahead go sleep you silly creature you

#ramble #updates

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hellotvv · 8 years ago

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More Life

More Life. It’s been a while since I recap, and idk how much detail I will go in when writing this. Since, I’m kinda lazy, but I do wanna recap everything as well.

Friday, my first day back home for Spring Break! On Thursday, it was my last day of finals. But I wasn’t too stressed on Thursday tho, since it was an easy Greek Myth final. I could have went home on Thursday, but idk I was kinda sleep deprived after studying so hard for Wednesday final. I also wanted one last day to hang out with my friends, and I recall having a nice dinner with Brent, Brooke, and Elizabeth! Oh also playing some Sm4sh with Brent, since he finished with his finals on Thursday too. I actually saw Kai for the first time in like 2 months that day too LOL, since she had a Greek Myth final with me. I actually haven’t seen her in a long time, since she pretty much just stays at her bf’s place. But anyways, on Friday morning, I woke up early and packed for spring break! I was on my way home and texted Fyona that I was on my way home. She told me that she had a shoot around 3ish at Huntington Beach Pier, and asked me to come along. I asked who it was, and she linked me her instagram. I was like ehh sure why not, nothing better to do. So I picked up Fyona once I arrived in the OC area, she treated me to Raising Canes (which was really sweet), and then we went to Ikea for a quick ice cream run lol. Then we met up with Ali (model) at Huntington Beach Pier, and we shot. She was Laos, which is pretty rare uh ethnicity. I have a cousin that is half Laos and half Vietnamese haha, and him + his Laos mom + sister are really tan. So I was surprised Ali was so light skinned. Anyways, she goes to UCI and was fairly talkative/nice to work with! She was friendly and I’d work with her again in the future given the chance. I think I ended up dropping Fyona home after the shoot, and I’m not quite sure what I did Friday night tbh... Friday was a while back and became kinda a blur ;-;.. This is what I get for not posting about my recaps earlier.

Saturday was a pretty fun day. Since it was BEYOND!! I woke up and hung out with Catherine, if I recalled correctly. Haven’t seen her in a while, so we grabbed lunch together. I don’t remember what we got for lunch :I ugh, I legit can’t remember ;-; I feel bad when my memory lets me down. But yeah, I recall having a good time catching up with her, and I believed I said hi to her grandma when picking her up. Catherine told me her family misses me lolol, and I think it’s cute! Idk ;-; I think I’m not too bad with parents, but apparently Stefanie’s parents didn’t like me that much, and my first gf (well technically Kristy is first real gf, but 6th grade ‘gf’ Jennifer)’s parents didn’t like me and thought I was very spoiled boy since picky eater. So idk, I really I guess appreciate it being liked by parents :D I remember Kristy’s parents (her mom especially) liked me ;-;!! OH wait, checked google maps history and remember now LOL. We went to yard house, since she wanted to go there, and went to the Irvine Spectrum one. It was nice, we walked around, and yeah! Then after dropping her off, I grabbed the stuff that I packed for beyond, and headed to Redlands! I remember The Heirs kdrama shot at University of Redlands for Lee Min Ho’s campus haha. I arrived to the Airbnb at like 4:30 PMish, and it was pretty cute! It had enough beds + softbed for everyone (all 8 of us). Chloe was already there and Arthur. Kris (Rebecca’s bf and Arthur’s hs friend) arrived a bit after, then Bryan came, then Amanda(Rebecca’s HS friend), then Rebecca and Amy arrived. Originally group was just Rebecca, Amy, Chloe, Bryan, and me, but grew to include Kris, Arthur, and Amanda. Amanda, Kris, and Arthur seemed pretty nice and talked to them a bit. Then the boys pregamed while the girls were getting ready... They ended up taking over 2 HOURS to get ready holy jesus. Bryan and I were getting pretty tilted, since Beyond starts at 5, and some of the good acts were at like 6:45, but it’s like 7ish and they were still doing makeup... ._. Bryan and I were even considering just calling an uber by ourselves and get there asap first. But yeah, the girls finished, and we all pregamed a bit. I only took 3 shots, since Bryan and I were gonna roll O_O... I was gonna roll for my first time, and it feels like idk I’m a bad boy now :( but I’m a good sweet boy deep down maybe, I don’t smoke, rarely drink, and yeah... Idk how I got convinced, but Bryan was very convincing. He didn’t drink too much either, since we were gonna roll. We were gonna split half a pill each :O Anyways, ended up calling the uber and finally arrived around like 8ish lol... But got inside fairly quickly, Bryan and I bought water and split the pill to take it. Then we all as a big 8 person group went inside Queen’s Domain and listened to Ookay. Chloe was dancing with Arthur, Rebecca was dancing with Kris. While Amanda, Amy, Bryan, and I were just dancing to the music. Bryan and I slowly tried to shift away to uhh dance with scandalously dressed broads, but Chloe sees us kinda far away and drags us back to the group LOL and goes, ‘omg u guys are so far!’ T_T she did this 3x more LOL... Eventually they took a break to go to the rest room, and Bryan and I ditched. We had a good time dancing on our own, talked/interacted with strangers that were rolling too, and eventually the pill hit me like 45-1 hour later. Which is PRETTY late O_O apparently, since it generally hits ppl 30 mins in. I guess the way I could describe it is, you’re essentially sober tbh. It’s even hard to tell maybe. Like you’re not drunk or feel drunk, you have perfect hand-eye coordination, your not hallucinating or anything, you’re just happy? Like idk it’s like similar to being hyper or happy while being drunk, but yeah you’re just happy and can appreciate the shitty music (if shitty music is playing) and willing to dance to it. My feet NEVER got sore tho :O like normally I get tired and have to sit down occasionally. But idk I guess either the pill or adrenaline or idk, but my feet never got tired and I pretty much could go without ever taking a break! Crazy~ Ended up meeting some dude from SLO actually. Some Asian guy lost his group of friends, and we helped him find his group of friends. Then we dance with his group of friends, and they were nice and from SLO, and the dude lived in Rowland Heights and surprisingly knew my friend Harrison Tan! Kinda cool befriending random strangers even if it’s just for the night. I was supposed to meet up with my model friend Cindy or my HS friend Dana, but the phone reception was so bad lol... Dana’s text on where to meet up legit arrived THE NEXT DAY... Omg... I just thought she was too busy to reply lol~ Then Bryan and I met up with his group of HS friends that were there, and danced/hung out with them. Nice guys/girls! :) Stuck with them until the end of the night where Snails closed around 2 AM. Then Bryan and I met up with our group haha finally at the end of the rave. Turns out Rebecca and Chloe ended up rolling for the first time too, I think they got convinced by the guys. Uhm, then took forever to get an uber, since everyone was calling one -.- and the rates were insane legit $50 surge, when the price is originally $12. Got back to the airbnb around 4, and I knocked out in the bed.

Sunday, I slept alright and ended up waking up almost first amongst everyone at like 9:30 AM. Got changed and got ready to go, once everyone was up and ready, since check out was at 12. Bryan and I decided to get lunch together before we split off. Since he needed to head to thousand oaks, and I need to head back to the oc area. We got a nice lunch together, talked about how we both had a good time at Beyond, and wished each other a nice spring break! So I drove home and got back around 2ish I believe. I showered and changed, then chilled for a bit. I had plans to hang out with Catherine again after she finishes work at 3:30 PM. So I stopped to harass her at Icey Cream Roll (dumb name lol) which is a new ice cream place in the plaza next to my house. Came by to visit her and snapchat harass her, and she made me free ice cream ;-; and gave it to me so sweet. She didn’t eat lunch and wanted olive garden lol, so I took her there. I ate again T_T sigh two lunches omg... Since idk this is how I gain back weight I GUESS, but I didn’t want to make it awkward if she just eats lol. But yeah, ate again at Olive Garden, and when we were paying she tried to take out her card. But she couldn’t find it, so she wondered if she forgot it while paying at Yard House the other day with me, since she didn’t use her card since then. She calls yard house, but they said they haven’t seen it but will call back if they do. We drive to her house, I saw her grandma and mom, and said hi and they asked me idk smalltalk questions like oh am I home for spring break/etc, and yeah! She ended up finding her credit card in her bag at home, and she was very relieved. Then we headed out to Huntington Beach Pier to shoot, since she wanted to shoot with me. I obliged, since idk and we shot for fun, then she stopped by forever 21 to buy some clothes. She found clothes she liked and went to buy it, but she was like O_O where’s my wallet, and checked her pockets. So she assumed she left it in my car, and I was like oh my this catherine. I was a nice guy and just used my debit card and took the $70 transaction on my card ;-;. Then the wallet was not in my car at all lol... So we drove back to her house, and it turns out she left wallet at her house lol... Then I just chilled at her place, we watched Iron Fist first episode together, and her mom offered me dinner but I was way too full after the two lunches... After the first Iron Fist episode, it was getting late like 8-9ish idr, so went home chilled and passed out! I had plans to hang out with Hope the next day and Catherine told me to have fun~

Then Monday, was a day where I hung out with Hope!! I haven’t seen Hope in a long time and it was cool to finally hang with her. She wanted to shoot together in the morning, since she had a b-day party or something later in the day :( so I had to wake up early... T_T So we got chick-fil-a together since she suggested it and she actually treated me :D I was like waow friend so nice!! What did I do to deserve this LOL. Fyona asked me what I was doing today, and I told her I was shooting with Hope, and she wanted to come along. Fyona and Hope shot together before, and they’re kinda friends probably haha. I asked Hope if it was okay, and Hope was down since she likes Fyona and the more the merrier. So we picked up Fyona, since she lives near chick-fil-a too, and then headed to Newport Beach’ beach. I haven’t been to this beach in a pretty long time tbh, I mostly go to Huntington Beach pier or something. But I remember it was a fairly nice beach and I was right. I drove all of us, parked, and we tried to shoot around. It was really sunny, since we’re freaking shooting at like noonish or 1 PM if I recall correctly! So had to shoot in the shade, but I think photos came out okie :) despite the sun. Idk, I swear I always end up shooting at like non-golden hour times lolol.. When I ideally only want to shoot at golden hour ;-; I guess shooting at like 6 PM (since sunset 7:11 PM or something nowadays) isn’t convenient for most ppl :P Fyona didn’t model or anything as well, she kinda just tagged along and talked to Hope/me and it was fun. Since Fyona is really talkative and yeah~ We stopped by a boba place nearby for a break and I got a drink there, and the Thai Tea was actually super good surprisingly o.o... I pretty much only get Thai Tea or regular milk tea or iced/snow milk tea from places (sometimes Taro too I guess rarely tho), and the Thai Tea was pretty good! Was much surprised :O I generally expect idk not much from places that I don’t hear too much about haha. Anyways, after shooting together and talking, I drove back to my house, and Hope headed out afterwards to her friend’s b-day party. Fyona was still chilling and didn’t really have plans, but I actually had plans! I had plans with Jennifer (goes by Peach nowadays lol), who is an old HS friend and actually my good friend Kristy’s ex. I know I shouldn’t be friends with her, since Peach kinda wronged Kristy one of my close friends :( but idk... Peach has been really nice to me kinda like always, and idk... I guess it’s like yeah, I wasn’t dating Peach so technically she never did anything that should make me stop being friends with her. But I’m way closer with Kristy and she did wronged my friend by cheating on her. Idk, weird situation uhh idk Kristy happy nowadays with Jessica for over a year now, and they broke up maybe 2 almost 3 years ago. So maybe it’s okay? Idk. Haven’t really thought too much about whether it’s right to be friends with Peach or not, since maybe I should be taking a side or maybe I shouldn’t or maybe morally I shouldn’t be friends with someone who INCREDIBLY wronged my close friend even if I was never told to pick a side? SOOOO enough of that. Peach goes to UCSC nowadays and was actually in the oc area with two of her UCSC friends (one is her future bf - currently seeing him & other is her best friend at UCSC) and the 3rd person she’s with is her UCSC best friend sister. I think the names are Eric for future bf, Jen for her best friend, & Kathy for Jen’s sister. Fyona came along, since she had no other plans, and Peach said okie! We met up with them all at south coast plaza, Jen and her sister Kathy went to go shopping around south coast. Eric, Jen, and Kathy are all from NorCal and it’s basically a cool vaca for them in the oc area haha, so shopping understandable. Eric, Peach, Fyona, and I all split off from them for a bit to idk talk and hang out. We sat at some paris restaurant not to eat, but for fyona to eat. Then I talked to Eric and we REALLY hit it off. He saw me spinning the fork like idk casually, and was like wtf do u know pen spinning. I was like yeah, I learned it a long time ago haha, then we talked about modded pens, tricks we knew, and yeah. He’s into photography, so I started idk teaching him a lot about photography, we talked about hobbies, and games. He thinks I’m super cool, since idk I have a lot of ‘cool’ hobbies apparently, and Peach hypes me up to the whole group apparently :O I was like woah, I didn’t know Peach found me so cool, and she told them I’m pretty talkative lol, which is fairly true if I don’t see ppl in a while or still at the small talk level. Since I have a bunch of interests to potentially share with ppl. So Eric and I talked about raves, school, how he met peach, music, games, lots about photography, a bit on pen spinning, how I got into fashion/fragrances (cologne)/photography, and yeah. Then Fyona split off, since she got picked up by one of her friends to hang out. Eric, Peach, and I joined up with Jen and Kathy again. We headed to the lab, which is nearby south coast plaza where the honey & butter truck used to be! At the lab, Jen and Kathy split up again to go shopping even tho not much to shop. While Eric, Peach, and I started shooting. Peach was nice enough to model for us and I basically taught Eric a lot of what I know about photography. I taught him about compositions, a lot about how to pose, how to shoot backlit, framing, how I like to shoot, and etc. I have to teach him about editing another time. But I pretty much taught him a lot of technical stuff like focusing on eyes, etc etc etc! So he’s getting pretty good by the end of it and REALLY appreciated the idk free teaching. Since I really really went indepth and he liked how I posed Peach, and etc. It was almost 7 and they were gonna go eat at Kitakata where Peach and Kristy used to work. I was thinking about joining them, but uhh I had other plans... But before I left, it turns out Kathy goes to UCSB, while everyone else goes to UCSC. It turns out she’s a 1st year bio major waow, so I gave her advice on teachers and kinda how classes are like and etc, she really appreciated it. She noticed that I was wear common project shoes, so I was like wow ;O how she know! Her sister was like, uhh is that a brand new or something?? Then Kathy was like uhh yeahhh! Then Peach was like yeah Theo is kinda balling. I was like ;-; friends I’m not balling (in my head ofc). But Kathy gets brownie points for going to ucsb and being a bio major! She will uh come into play in Saturday’s story lol... So at night my plans were to dick down this random broad... Uhm do not want to expand on this, since not necessarily trying to remember this event. But dang o.o girl got attached really quick what theeeee. Uhm, it didn’t feel very good tbh :l idk even kissing was like ehh... It wasn’t like she was a bad kisser or anything, just idk everything felt kinda meh even putting it in. Like I didn’t really feel anything? Idk if it’s just her or what, but I guess it just didn’t feel very good. I guess I’ve just been a relationship person generally and this kinda just helps remind me that, I really don’t like doing these things with people I don’t at least really like, and even if I’m horny I should remember that lol... But yeah, one night stand basically, and I guess it was the first time I did anything with another girl, since freaking August O_O... Well I had a long period of being a good boy and trying to be happy single and move on. But yeah, I don’t think I’ll be dicking down any girls again anytime soon, unless I’m dating them. Since it really isn’t that enjoyable :( from kissing to everything... There’s just something a lot more idk great about looking at the girl, knowing you really really love her, kiss her, exchange ilys, the intimacy and everything is what makes sex feels good at least for me. Also knowing you can cuddle with her after given the chance and idk, I think casual sex is just not for me. :( It may seem idk kinda cool in the moment, but yeah... Anyways, uhh after that, went home played games, and never talking to that girl again :D even tho she wanted to plan another day, like uhh no!!

The next day was a very interesting day, since it’s the day that I met up with Kristy. Kristy was my ‘real’ girlfriend essentially. She was my first kiss, my first lots of things, and yeah. We broke up my senior year kinda mutually, but I initiated it. At the time, she was idk maybe in love with me (who knows really), but wasn’t necessarily putting in that much effort anymore, and wasn’t too into being in a serious relationship anymore. I guess she was a sophomore in college and wanted to idk date around and etc, which is understandable. But I guess I didn’t see a point in continuing in the relationship, if she felt that way and wasn’t going to put some effort into the relationship since it would be unfair for me, who was. But we didn’t end over a fight or anything, we kept each other on social media/etc, just didn’t talk for like actually 4 months or so? By then, she had a new bf, I moved on and was happy, and we even became friends again after that. I think we generally continued to be friends from there, but maybe drifted away somewhere between when I was going to start college at UCSB, and she started UCI. I mean we were friends, but just didn’t talk that much around that time, I guess life just got busy. I do remember the first time we hung out tho, after breaking up. It was pretty interesting actually. I think we met up at a mall, I’d like to think it was round 1 mall in city of industry (?), and I remember one of the first initial thoughts after seeing her again post-breakup was, “o.o i’ve seen this girl completely naked before” lol... Yeah, I didn’t imagine her naked or anything, but it was just like a really dumb and random first thought haha... Following that day, I think we still hung out a couple times following that, I even recall helping her move into her apartment in Irvine with her mom one time, and she treated me to yardhouse afterwards. I think she even slept over once at my house, but in a diff room, and we were already broken up. She actually never slept over when were together!!! How wasted in a way or like uhh, I think I was thinking at the time, wowow this would be a lot more lit if we were dating lol. But ofc, feelings were gone by then, and yeah. Eventually Kristy and I got into a random dumb argument and stopped talking. Then she messaged me (kinda like after the breakup actually a long time ago) and said hi, and then we reconnected again. Anyways, met up with her at raising canes, where she’s never been before. Seeing her again for the first time in a year, she honestly generally look the same. It was fun catching up with her on the past year of our lives, and yeah. She told me about her crazy ex-bf and then her new dude that she’s seeing, life after graduating from UCI, hobbies, and we talked about life, future, idk plans in general, and etc etc. It was fun, we went to South Coast Plaza, walked around, talked about fashion a bit, and then bid each other goodbye. She said that we should hang out again before I leave, and I agreed. At night, I met up with my friend Jia for the movies! Jia texted me asking if I wanted to watch a movie with her and I agreed. She picked me up and I really appreciated it, since she’s pretty much the only friend of mine that actually drives me lol... I always drive other people, so it’s nice to be driven! Talked to her about beyond, rolling for first time, what’s new from the last time I saw her which was prob like a 3 day weekend not too long ago, and then we headed to Bella Terra to watch beauty and the beast. But the seats were pretty much all taken!! wowow lame. So we drove to irvine spectrum, which has this lit VIP seating thing nowadays. Where they deliver food/drinks during the movie to you and having those cool reclining chairs haha. We ate at the melt, since the movie started late at like 9 for the VIP tickets, and the melt was pretty good tbh! Good choice by Jia! I ate it before at an la mall food court, but it was pretty bad there... But it was soliddd at irvine spectrum tho! Anyways, movie began and took a bunch of snaps, since it was kinda cool. We got alcohol delivered (since jia has her cousin’s ID) and cake delivered during the movie, and had a good time watching Beauty and The Beast. It was a good movie! I kinda want to go on a date in the future and use the irvine spectrum vip movie whatever :) would be cool to chill with a date with reclining seats and have food delivered during the movie! Anyways, it was like 12 by the time the movie ended, said goodbye to Jia, it was fun and she dropped me off at home.

It was really funny tho, since I snapchat all my friends who I’ve been hanging out with over break, and I would get snaps from ucsb friends saying wowow your friends are so pretty. Like Amandi, Chloe, Kristy (ex, I guess not UCSB friend in this case) would be like wow ur friends are so pretty! I’d show my friend that I’m with what they snap chat me, and they’re like haha thanks. Idk, I guess I’ve only really hung out with female friends generally this break o.o... They just happen to be female and apparently cute. But I wasn’t hitting on any of them.. Chloe was like, damnn Theo get at those cute girls, I see youuu. But I’m not tho D: Fyona is prob one of my best friends, Catherine uhh no more with that, Hope has a bf, Jia one of my oldest friend and no, Peach uhh can’t since Kristy’s ex and she has dude, and idk if I’m forgetting anyone else. But yeahhh~ Had to explain to Chloe that they generally have bfs LOL. They’re just my good friends :) I think it’s funny tho that ppl think that I have cute friends and that I should get at them.

Anyways, Wednesday was a fairly chill day. My dad brought me lunch, we went to get my car I guess get an estimate on how much it’ll cost to polished the car to return since lease running out, then had a nice dinner out with mom and dad! I did talk to my dad and mom about my future, and they really believe in me still with becoming a doctor, but we also discussed other potential options for grad school too. Idk I feel bad when they really believe in me, and I feel like I’m letting them down sometimes if I’m not acing all my classes with solid As or something... Since I want to :( and my parents do work really hard to put me in school, make sure I’m living well and eating well, and do try to make sure I’m happy... So I want to be happy, successful, and live well for them, and take care of them when I get older.. But yeah, maybe more on that another time.

On Thursday, I was pretty bored in the morning. Fyona asked if she could come over and chill a bit, before her friend Pdiddy comes to pick her up and take her to pick up her wallet that she left in some photographer’s car. So I guess it was kinda cool just talking to her. My dad think she’s pretty and polite, and I should go after her LOL... I asked Catherine, if she wanted to grab lunch and hang, and she was down. But I did warn her that my dad was making me go car shopping. My dad said it should only take like 45 mins-1 hour, so I told Catherine that. I picked up Catherine, and then we headed over to my house. Uhh, she met my dad, and I explained to my dad how I oddly spend a lot of time with another vietnamese family (catherine’s family) nearby LOL. He was like wut, and I was like ye, they live like 2 blocks down. Anyways, uhm, got to the car dealership, and this was an adventure... But basically, dad was super cancerous with negotiation. I thought he was wasting our time and it seemed like that. Catherine and I was legit waiting 4-5 hours straight while my dad annoying negotiate for the car lease. Eventually he won, and he got pretty much the lowest price ever for the car lease (the finance dude even said so, he was like wtf this is a crazy good deal, and the finance dude wasn’t in the negotiations at all just saw price). Catherine was uhh fairly annoyed, since she was like 45 mins right Theo. I was like ;-;!! I treated her to cafe maji and uh ice cream, so it was okie! She wasn’t that mad or anything :3 at least I don’t think so lol.

Friday - On Friday, I was gonna accompany Hope to a shoot with some random photographer that wanted to shoot Hope. But right when I got to Hope’s house around 4, the shoot got canceled last minute since idk photographer had a family emergency. So we called up Catherine and it turns out she was at uh the Santa Ana Mall, where round 1 is. So Hope and I met up with her, but Catherine was with her mom and shopping. We hung out with Catherine and her mom for a bit. Catherine tried to leave with us/hang with us, but she had to do lots of important shopping with mom, since Catherine was leaving on Sunday to New York for a week. So I played DDR with Hope and it was fun, and a rhythm game at round 1. Then I dropped her off, and headed to hang out with Dana. I met up with Dana at Santa Ana 4th street market, and we got food and talked/caught up. She wanted to hang out, since she thought about starting a blog/instagram/etc, since she was going to transfer to SDSU. So I gave her tips about hashtags, etc etc etc. Then she wanted to head to the Artic to take a nice shot. She didn’t want photos of her, but she was kinda interested in learning photography haha. So I spent like legit 1-2 hours of just talking and teaching her photography. Stuff from aperture, shutter speed, settings, iso, composition, lenses, etc etc the essential basics. She really appreciated it and learned a lot! She doesn’t know if she’ll invest in a nice camera any time soon, but she really appreciated the composition tips! So basically over spring break, I taught 2 ppl photography lol :3 But yeah, it feels good idk teaching and sharing my knowledge. I always kinda want like an apprentice, where I could just dump all my sick knowledge of fashion/photography/etc haha. Anyways, fun night hanging out with friends like Hope/Catherine, and old friends.

Saturday - On Saturday, it was a busy busy day. I basically woke up at 8 am and went over to pick up Catherine. Since there was this sick warehouse sale where shoes are like $5, $10, $15, and $20 and the sale starts at 9 AM in Chino Hills. Chino Hills is like 45 mins away, but I drove and accompanied Catherine for the shoe sale, since I owed her after she waited 4-5 hours for my car shopping lol. We got there, the line was crazy long, waited 1 hour just to get in, and then Catherine only bought 3 pairs of shoes. This is actually not that many pairs, since other girls were buying like 7-10 pairs, since some shoes are just $5 or $10! But uh, carried her bags, and kinda just stood in hot sun for like a couple hours. Then we ate, and head back to our respective houses. Then at like 5, we met up with some photographer name Anthony Kwon to shoot in Laguna Beach. We actually shot at the beach, and I haven’t shot at laguna beach’s actual beach yet. It was really sunny, so it was kinda hard for me to take my shots. Anthony Kwon was a really nice dude, and apparently he does photography for a living. He’s a wedding photographer and apparently works for one of the biggest wedding photography agency or whatever. This was a bit surprising tbh, since uhh I don’t think he’s that good of a photographer based on his portfolio haha... But he does use uhm strobes and external flash and reflectors/etc. But the problem is, I think he doesn’t know how to use them well. Since using flash poorly gives a really idk bad look, but if you can use it well then you can get some really dramatic shots. Idk, I just prefer natural light, since it does take some skill to use natural light well. But I generally don’t like the look of flash, unless someone is especially skilled with it, or it’s like some studio shot. But yeah, shooting with Catherine and Anthony was fun, it was getting late like 7-8ish, so I head home and ate with family. Then I rested a bit, and Kristy was bored and fb messaged me that she was craving pho. I already ate dinner, so I wasn’t gonna eat with her, but I told her that I’d join her and order like Thai Tea or something, if she wants to get pho nearby me lol. She did want to, and at like 12:45 we met up at a pho place near my house. She said the pho was okay, and I just ordered a drink. We talked and it was kinda fun to talk to her more. I told her how I got into like chinese novels, and she was like ooh recommend me some, and I’ll check them out. I was like woah, nobody ever takes the initiate to idk try reading them after I mention about it. Then it kinda remind me back when I used to date her a long time ago. She was also fairly down to get into my hobbies/interests and I was down to get into hers. I got into tumblr more because of her, she got into reddit and began to actively use it. I got into watching the walking dead and dynstopian novels, well I didn’t really get into them, but I tried them at least for her. She was also into knitting/sewing, which I didn’t get into but appreciated lol. I think she got into some mangas cause of me back then and some other hobby. But I just think it’s cool when ppl are open minded and tries chino hills shoe shopping with catherine, then shoot at laguna beach and met anthony kwon, and then met up with kristy 1st gf at night just now for midnight pho run lol, how she was down to read wuxia novels, how it’s cool and how I previously liked in our relationship how she would get into my hobbies and I get into hers. Okay, I don’t want to make it sound like I’m interested in Kristy or anything lmao. Feelings are long gone, I just think it’s cool like oh hey, she still has this characteristic that I really appreciated about her back then. But yeah, recommend her stuff, and she suggested getting roasting waters with her and this dude she’s seeing before I head off to SB the next day.

Sunday - I met up with Steven and Kristy the next day around noon, we got roasting waters, then ate at mcdonalds together haha. Steven was a nice dude, pretty interesting. He does magic tricks and they were pretty cool~ Then, I headed off back to SB, unpacked, and etc then passed out!

That was pretty much my Spring Break :D

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