#anyway yeah this thing exists now. have a blast. i can explain stuff here just maybe later <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[rindomness]

I have been making more shuake crossover aus. this time it's avatar

[alcoveofconcealment]

Ok so I straight up did not know this game existed.

I will now, stream of conscious, rely my thoughts with very little editing so beware of weird side treks we go on. I will try my best to stay on topic but uh no promises. I am just like this sometimes.

Anyways I believe that that character model did George dirty and brushed over the injur(y/ies) and that bothers me.

Though my reasonings will be based on the more visual side of things rather than the outright representation in writing. As I said before, the game and it's design was unknown to me before you came along. Therefore I will not comment on that side of things.

Before I go on with further comments though, I want to clarify how I interpret canon as that will explain certain opinions I have.

[this counts as a small ramble that ended up not being too relevant looking back so feel free to skip]

My rule on non-main line book sources is "take what you like". This is due to the habit of said other media often falling into marketable design choices and cues that Universal Studious heavily pushed to market the movies. These choices however do not fall in line with the European medieval era style society that stopped following the "muggle's" in fashion and other such culture cues around the early to mid 1400s before splitting and separating entirely with the signing of the International Statute of Wizarding Secrecy in the late 1600s(according to the wiki around 1689 to 1692 as far as the signing an establishing)

So if I ignore something that's not inline with other books/games/movies, that's why.

[Ramble over]

With that said I will now elaborate on why the design choices for George based on the screenshots you graciously provided(I am thankful for as it did help) is kinda lame.

I will do so under a read more due to charts and images being with in the post.

Yes I am that annoying nerd.

To be frank, if his ear cannel did seal, this implies the whole ear and not just the outer ear but the whole ear was damaged; and if so when healed up to the best of their healer's abilities; George should have a ton of outer scaring on his face.

Dark Magic cannot be fully healed, it will leave scars, that's why George could not regrow his ear. I need you to keep that in mind when I type out this semi chaotic ramble

Here are some blood vessel charts:

So you know how I said in my dramatic og post about how the ear has a lot of blood vassals? Yeah here's the visual. It's a shit tone and I didn't even include all the tiny ones in the outer shell. As you can see the ear connects to some important stuff.

For the magic to have blasted all of that off then it should've gotten some of the facial level vessels as well. Practically around the neck and cheeks. And it's dark magic, just like Bill, he should have to live with the damage.

This damage, by the way, would've ended up messing with the nerves and muscles as well as it is a hemorrhaging of said vessels to the point of either strong implosion that leads to the tissue around it breaking allowing for outside leaks or a cutting of said skin, muscles and everything else to get to said vessels. That would cause of course at the very least minimal movement and feeling on to that side of his face.

Unless of course the implication is that the dark magic curse of healing resistance only applies to the direct area(never mind how the hell one would determine that in a spell like Sectumsempra)

So his facial smoothness bugs me.

Of course I always saw it, as since it was mostly just his ear and not his entire body like Draco, that the implosion would instead effect the outer and middle ear as well as some outer facial area vessels, but not the inner ear. As that deep you half to ask what other veins near would be affected.

This would leave a lot of scaring and destroy most of his hearing, plus maybe leaving him with some tinnitus, would still allow for a hearing aid to be insisted into the shell-less canal.

Though the aid would half to be anchor into his hair or a headband in order to keep it there.

[Side semi-off topic ramble incoming]

I then got off track and designed a magical two piece hearing aid vaguely inspired by radios, the Artificial Concha, the Auricles, the Precision Electro, and the Pocket Aid. It had one bit for faraway sounds another bit for close up sounds allowing for toggling based on needs, It was super fun to do. I then made a cane for any balancing/awareness issues he might have on days when he doesn't use the aid. Looking at older hearing aids to base the design and what not. AND IT'S ALL AU TERF BASED ON THE GAMES LMAO RIP

[Back on to topic]

No matter which way you want to roll(Sealed or unsealed cannel) his face should not be that smooth. And as you said, he should be partially deaf, with all the differences in living day to day that can entail.

Semi-canon is close enough for me sometimes, even if it sounds like(from your comments) that they missed the landing a bit.

George's ear was not cut off

Sectumsempra is the spell that George was hit with. It is describe as a spell that causes hemorrhages, and, in the fight against Draco, the spell is given the visual of blood seeping through clothing. This has the implication that it not only causes the implosion of blood vessels, but that it either 1. the magic cuts through the skin to cause the implosion and/or 2. the implosion is so strong it cuts through the skin from the inside.

There are a ton of tiny blood vessels that go in, around, and through the ear. Some of these vessels travel around the face and neck. We know that George's ear could not be grown back due to the spell being dark magic, how far does that apply? How many of those veins got hit? How much of George's face is permanently marked?

I don't know.

But what I do know is that George's ear was not cut off.

It was blasted off painfully quick and gory

[dycefic]

Have An Evil Day

No prompt this time, just a sequel to ‘Welcome To Evil-Mart’

Working at Evil-Mart is usually… well, it’s retail. It’s physically exhausting, you have to deal with a lot of idiots without being overtly rude, and your feet hurt. Even though the hours and pay are very good, the benefits are great, and our bosses treat us well compared to most retail employees, it’s still not what I’d call a fun job.

But it’s not what I’d call dull, either. Especially not on days like today.

I was promoted to supervisor after the Food Poisoning Incident, so I have a little more authority and a little less obligation to be pleasant and I got issued a weighted cosh because sometimes Evil-Mart customers get… feisty. I’d never had to use it, though, because those who hadn’t seen what I did to Majority Rules, either in person or on one of the cell-phone videos that circulated afterwards, had at least heard about it.  They didn’t give me any trouble.

I was halfway through my shift, and the worst things that’d happened had been running out of croissants and a machine oil spill in Aisle Seven, when our greeter pressed the alarm button, which sent an alert to my handset. As front-end supervisor, that meant me, so I went over. Sam, who is unusual in the henching community for having actually aged out rather than ‘being retired’ jerked his chin in the direction of a tall, swaggering figure. “He just came in,” he whispered.

I did a full double-take before I took it in. Superdyne. Fucking Superdyne.

We’d all heard about his dramatic heel-turn a couple of months ago. The whole world had heard about it. Superdyne, who’d skated closer and closer to the line for years, had decided to cross it in a blaze of bloodshed. He was a villain now, he said. There’d been a whole speech about how ingratitude had driven him to it blah blah blah.

I work at Evil-Mart. I’m from a hench family. If someone becomes a supervillain because they hate Mondays or want to turn us all into dinosaurs or whatever, I don’t judge. I will sell depth-charges and laser guns to anyone who can prove they’re over eighteen without hesitation. But even we get kind of grossed out by the ‘I am forced to turn evil because I haven’t been given enough love’ thing. People who are actually so fucked up by emotional abuse or neglect or some superhero killing their family, we’re fine with them. But they don’t say that’s why they do it, and most of them need a lot of therapy to even realize it. People who actually say that’s why are entitled dickwads.

And now the dickwad had walked into Evil-Mart like he was entitled. Like he thought he was one of us.

“Lockdown protocols,” I told Sam quietly. “On my authorisation.” That takes a minute or two, though, so I went over to talk to Superdyne. “Sir, I have to ask how you even knew where to find this place.”

He smirked at me. “I have my ways,” he said smugly. He’d either bribed or beaten someone, that was my guess. “So this is where the villains shop? We all thought you went to Wal-Mart.” He laughed, like he thought it was clever.

“Yes, so you all say,” I said dryly. I didn’t feel like pretending he was the first person to make the bad joke. “My next question, sir, is what made you think it was a good idea to come in here.”

He spread his hands. “I’m one of you now!” he said happily. “I’m a bad guy! So now I guess I shop where the bad guys shop!” He looked around, frowning a little. “Although I was expecting more weapons and explosives. A… more villainous atmosphere. I didn’t know Evil-Mart had fresh produce.”

“I don’t advise buying herbs here unless you’re a magical practitioner. Some of them have… unusual effects.” A lot of our produce is normal stuff, but some of it not only isn’t legal, it doesn’t exist anywhere else.

“Oh. Well, that makes sense. But the bright lights and the bakery?”

“We have excellent gluten-free breads. In many ways, Superdyne, this is just another store. We have sales, we mark down the breads in the afternoon, we even have a PA system.” I pulled out my handset, and thumbed the button that tied it to the PA. “Attention, shoppers,” I said in my most soothing Customer Service voice, which made him grin. “Evil-Mart wishes to inform you – “ The countdown on my handset reached zero, and I turned to look at the entrance as a huge blast door thudded down. That was the last part of the sequence – staff outside the area were already in lockdown and security were on their way. I smiled, and continued almost without a pause. “- That we are in lockdown at this time, due to the presence of Superdyne in the store. Please remain calm, and be advised that security are on their way to deal with the problem. If you have a personal grudge that you wish to address with Superdyne at this time, he is standing near Register Six with a stupid expression on his face.”

He was staring at me, stunned. “But… but…” he stammered, and damned if he didn’t look puzzled. “But I’m one of you now!”

“No,” I said flatly. “You were always evil, that’s true, but you’ll never be one of us. And for the record, I’m one of the people with a personal grudge. All those henchmen you’ve killed and maimed had families, asshole… and they all shop here.”

He swung at me, then, but I spent years in hench training. Even someone super-strong can be dodged, and once I slammed my cosh into his groin a few times his punches got a lot more aimless. Around then, Tiger Ty came over the register, claws out and snarling, and I figured I should stand out of the way.

About ten minutes later, I turned on the PA again. “Clean-up to Register Six,” I called, in the same special voice. “Category 7, class three. Shoppers, please be advised that lockdown is now lifted but Register Six will be closed until clean-up is completed.”

Hunter, who’d been working Register Six, came out from underneath it. He looked a little green. Well, he was still in his teens, this was probably his first fatal mobbing. “What’s Category 7?” he asked in a shaky voice. “I haven’t heard that before.”

“Biohazard.”

“Oh. Class three?”

“Send three people. He was a juicy one.” I stepped away from a spreading puddle of blood. “Run and get a couple of caution signs we can put around this mess.” I eyed it measuringly. “And one of those fifteen-gallon plastic tubs with a lid, I’ll damage it out.”

He eyed the mess. “Are you sure that’s big enough?”

“Yeah, the average human is only about seventeen gallons by volume, and I’m not going to put all the blood and mush in there, just the big pieces.”

He gulped. “Ah. Yes, ma’am.”

I called after him when he ran off. “One of the black tubs, not a clear one!” Which honestly should only be common sense, but you can’t count on a flustered teenager to have common sense.

We frown on killing customers at Evil-Mart, up to a point… but when a particularly murderous super-hero walks into our store, well, that’s something else. I’d have to fill out a ton of paperwork, though.

I had to chase off one of Doctor Malign’s minons and two members of the Genetic Reign before the clean-up crew arrived, both of whom urgently wanted samples. In the end I scraped a few pieces of liver and unidentified organ into two of the bags we use for possibly-contaminated money just to make them go away. (They’re good customers, and it was just going to go in the trash anyway.)

By the time the clean-up was done, all the big pieces were boxed up, and I’d finished the paperwork, my shift had been over for twenty minutes, and I’d been asked to come up to the boss’s office.

“Listen, I have no issues with how you handled the situation, I want you to know that.” Mr Trent leaned back in his chair, tapping his fingertips together. “It was quick, it was efficient, and… given your personal history with Superdyne, not to mention mine and that of half of our customer base… richly deserved.”

“Yes, sir,” I said. It came out too meek, and I cleared my throat and straightened up. It’s hard not to be intimidated by Mr Trent, when you’re in the same room with him. It’s not his fault, and he does his best, but even under the strictest control his fear-inducing powers tend to unsettle anyone who gets too close. We all know he’s not doing it on purpose and we try not to show our reactions. “Do you have any orders regarding the remains?”

“Doctor Order wants them.” He rubbed his chin. “Get someone from the pharmacy to prepare samples for him, please, including brain tissue. He’s our primary supplier, and we can’t offend him. As for the rest… as you know, I’m retired, and I don’t usually participate in the Endless War.” One of his hands dropped to his left thigh. His prosthetic leg is some of Doctor Order’s best work, but the injury that led to his retirement had been brutal even by our standards. “But this is different. Superdyne came here. To our place of safety. We need to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

I nodded. “Do you want the remains dumped somewhere public? Some kind of dramatic display?”

“No. Something more direct.” He rubbed his chin again, then tapped the intercom on his desk. “Iris, please send up Miss Fedorova from Marketing and Mr Levy from the warehouse.”

“Yes, sir,” Iris responded, and he clicked off the intercom again.

“The three of you worked together very well, during the food poisoning incident,” he explained. “And I believe they can assist us in a satisfactory conclusion.” He hesitated, then smiled ruefully. “Perhaps you should wait outside until they get here. I can tell I’m unsettling you.”

“Sir, I know you’re not – “

“Not doing it on purpose.” He sighed. “I do appreciate how hard you all work to make me feel… accepted, I really do. But I’m very annoyed right now, which makes control more difficult for me, so I think we’d both be more relaxed if you waited outside while I do my meditation exercises.”

I waited outside. When the three of us went into his office again, the miasma of low-level fear was definitely a bit lighter, and he smiled. “All right. Now, this conversation is going to be very confidential, and I will remind you all of the agreements you signed when you were employed.” We all chorused agreement, and he nodded. “Good. Now, this is very much a secret, even among Evil-Mart staff, but we do have a few online clients who are… ah… on the other side of the fence.”

Ms Fedorova blinked. “What?”

Knuckles sighed. “We ship to a few heroes,” he explained. “The ones who are… less homo than sapiens, if you get my drift.”

I didn’t, and from her expression Ms Fedorova didn’t either. Mr Trent spread his hands, drawing our eyes to his fingers. Which as a rule nobody looks at, because there’s fourteen of them, with four joints in each finger, and we know he’s self-conscious about it. “The less… purely human ones,” he said quietly. “One of the reasons I created Evil-Mart was to give those who can’t pass for human, like me, a place to be… people. To have dignity. So that the obligate carnivores weren’t reduced to living on pet-food or scavenging for scraps, so that those with complex metabolisms could get the supplements they need so that people who are still people, for all their outward differences, could shop in safety. There are a great many more monsters, demigods, abominations of science and other non-standard persons among our set than among the heroes, and I wanted to meet their needs, as well as selling weapons and Lair-away-from-home sets and so on.”

“And there are a few heroes who order from us for that reason,” Knuckles added. “The ones who can’t get medications to suit their metabolism, or need to eat things that you can’t get easily anywhere else.”

I nodded, because that much I understood. We have some very esoteric ‘dietary supplies’ that start with fresh, healthy, well-treated and disease-free prey animals frozen whole (from mouse up to calf and goat kept in stock, larger sizes by pre-order, halal and kosher certified where possible) and end with human blood (rejected blood bank stock mostly, we have an arrangement), and human flesh and organs (sourced from hospitals, morgues and crematoriums, guaranteed no murder, at least not by us). “Well, I suppose that makes sense. I’m surprised we ship to them, though.”

“Oh, they don’t know we know. It’s all assumed names and secret bank accounts.” Knuckles grinned. “But Mr Trent has all our online customers identified before we ship. And for the ones who don’t have any other options, well… we let it slide.”

“I can see why you don’t want that to get out.” Ms Fedorova tapped her chin. “What does this have to do with disposing of the body? I was planning to set up a really ghoulish display in a public place somewhere, I already have some sketches.” Marketing for Evil-Mart is… well, it includes more than designing our sale flyers.

“No. We’re going to deliver them to a hero… one of the ones who owes us… and make it very clear that just because someone decides to admit he’s a villain, that doesn’t make him one of us and it doesn’t entitle him to union services,” Mr Trent said flatly. “I want to make it crystal clear to all of them that a heel turn does not mean their sins are forgiven, or that we will accept them as anything other than a very brief amusement.”

Late that night – we were all on overtime, but it couldn’t be done in daylight – we wheeled a cart down the run-down hallway of a shoddy apartment building. “This is a terrible address for a hero,” Ms Fedorova muttered. “Are we sure he lives here?”

“I deliver here a couple of times a month.” Knuckles was pushing the cart. “I’m sure.”

“Okay.” Ms Fedorova cleared her throat, coughed once or twice, and suddenly her voice was deeper and her very faint Russian accent was as thick as pea soup. “This is intimidation tactic,” she said, grinning toothily. “Do not act surprised.”

I knocked on the door, but let Knuckles do the talking. “Delivery, Mr West,” he called, using the fake name the guy had been giving.

It worked… the door was unlocked and opened almost immediately. “I scheduled the order for next – “ the mark said, and then we were pushing inside, slamming the door behind us.

“Do not be alarmed, Mr… Dinoid, is it?” Ms Fedorova said, folding her arms. “Evil-Mart is knowing all along your real identity. But you are needing to eat, and we are not turning down regular business, so we make no trouble.”

Knuckles rolled his eyes behind her back at how much she was hamming it up, but I waved a hand. Let her have her fun. So Knuckles started unloading the boxes onto the table while she talked. “First, your Budget Bunny Box. Your favourite, da?” The next box, smaller, plunked down. “Two fresh chickens, halal certified, healthy and having lived good life, gift for good customer.” Knuckles dumped the plastic tub on the floor. “And mortal remains of Superdyne, with note.”

Dinoid was staring at us, but that made him shift into a combat stance, his long claws spread. “The… Superdyne’s dead? And in there?”

“Well. Most of him. The big pieces.” Ms Fedorova shrugged an impressively Russian shrug. I hadn’t even known that was a thing, but when she did it, it was obvious. “You must understand, when a mob tears a man apart, it is hard to find every little piece.”

“I’m pretty sure Doctor Malign and the Genetic Reign took off with doggy bags,” I said, as if I hadn’t handed them over myself. “And Doctor Order probably has some of him too, by now. So looking out for clones would be a good idea, I don’t know if that’s in the note.”

Insofar as that reptilian face could show readable expressions, he looked shocked. “Why on earth would… why? He changed sides? And why did you bring him to me?”

“We know your address, we know you don’t want to turn us in because we’re the only ones who can supply your meals, and our boss wanted us to make this very clear.” I indicated the note. Since Ms Fedorova was hamming up her Sexy Russian Supervillain act, and Knuckles was very obvious Muscle, I figured it was on me to be the Reasonable One. “He might have stopped being a hero, but that didn’t make him one of us. That didn’t make him acceptable to us. Our boss wants it made very clear that your failures shouldn’t expect to be accepted by us… or even spared by us.”

He shifted slowly, the tip of his tail twitching. “I… see. I understand why you would reject Superdyne. He was notorious for killing and maiming people on… your side. But I know other defectors have been accepted. Philomel, for example.”

“Philomel was child of villains. She is young, she is rebellious, she sides with heroes for a while.” Ms Fedorova shrugged. “Is understandable, da? The young do foolish things. She comes home, all is forgiven.”

He nodded slowly. “Tenebrous?”

“That story I don’t know.” Ms Fedorova glanced at me.

I nodded. “Tenebrous was just a kid. He was twelve when Varide recruited him. Nineteen when he broke with the guy. Varide put a kid into combat, left him with massive PTSD, then ditched him when he had a breakdown and went too far. Mx Frantique at least made sure he had a safe place to stay and some therapy.”

“It’s happened a few times.” Knuckles rested his elbows on the cart’s handles, his inhumanly big, strong hands dangling. “But there’s a process. A system. If someone’s sponsored by a villain in good standing, like Frantique sponsoring Tenbrous, they can be accepted. Nobody gets to just choose to join. Especially not a smug, entitled prick like Superdyne.”

Ms Fedorova suddenly leaned forward, scowling. “And why are you called Dinoid? You are not dinosaur. You are clearly monitor lizard. Golden monitor, I think.” She reached out and prodded his arm. “And not healthy, either. Look at colouration! You do not keep environment humid enough. Are having trouble with shedding, da?”

Now we were all staring at her. “You’re a lizard expert now?” Knuckles asked.

She shrugged. “What? Is hobby. Mamma’s little Varanus Acanthurus are pride and joy. Sadly, cannot keep larger monitors in city. Is unkind.”

Dinoid ran a hand over his head slowly. “Not many people realize,” he said slowly. “That’s why I order from you guys. I used to get frozen… food… from a pet supplier, but then I got contacted by someone who told me there was another option.”

“Is good thing. Those pet suppliers, they are rogues. They do not keep animals healthy, can get diseases or mites from those things.” Ms Fedorova sniffed. “I would never buy from them. My babies would get sick.”

He actually chuckled, then, seeming to relax a bit. “You’re not wrong. After… this happened… I got really sick a couple of times before I figured out what to eat, and where to get it. And even the reputable suppliers don’t always have the healthiest stock.” He opened his mouth wide, making a gagging noise. “You have no idea how bad that ‘reptile food’ is. Eating whole animals may be a little disgusting, but it’s nothing to some of that stuff.”

“I believe it,” I said emphatically. “There’s a reason Evil-Mart has such an extensive pet-food line. The horror stories we hear from some of our customers… well, you’d believe it, I bet, but most humans just look confused.”

Knuckles nodded, and spread his hands. “People who can’t pass for regular humans… or even for people, the way most normies see it… are a lot more common on our side of the fence than yours. That’s why we delivered to you. We figured you really needed it.”

“Does he order from the pharmacy?” Ms Fedorova was around behind him now, examining his back. “He is having calcium deficiency, am betting. He needs nutritional supplement.”

“I take a nutritional supplement,” he said defensively.

“The one for normal-sized lizards is not enough for man-sized monitor/human hybrid,” she said firmly. “Check pharmacy section next time. We are having excellent selection of supplements for hybrids, and chart to tell you how much to take for body-mass.”

He looked back and forth between the three of us. “You people are… not what I would have expected from an evil supermarket.”

“We may be… morally challenged,” I said, shrugging, “but we’re not heartless.” I looked around his tiny, shabby apartment. “Unlike some of your lot. I thought you were on a team. Why are you living here?”

He ducked his head. “I couldn’t live at the base,” he said, his tail drooping. “My… I made people uncomfortable. And the stipend isn’t much.”

“Isn’t much? With the merchandising deals they have?” Ms Fedorova sounded shocked, and the accent had dropped back a lot. “I know for a fact that if the accountants ever got hold of their books they’d owe more in back taxes than… well, than Evil-Mart would if our illegal product arm ever got discovered. And we pay our taxes on the legitimate stuff scrupulously.”

Dinoid blinked rapidly, though I couldn’t tell whether he was more surprised by her suddenly dropping her act or the idea that Evil-Mart pays taxes. “You do?”

“Of course. Not under that name, of course, there’s a shell company.” She sniffed. “All villains do. Al Capone, you know. We’re not getting caught that way again.”

Knuckles and I both nodded when he looked at us, and he shook his head. “Huh. Makes sense, I guess.”

“It does.” I looked around again. The place really was crappy. “I know it’s a personal question, Mr… West, but under the circumstances I’d like to know��� how much is that stipend?”

He looked down at the floor for a while, then cleared his throat. “Uh. $1100 a month.”

We all stared at him. Ms Fedorova’s mouth fell open. Knuckles looked shocked, and I was horrified. “$1100 a month?!” I asked, my voice coming out louder than I’d intended. “For risking your life on a superhero team?! I have teenaged cashiers working part-time who make more than that!”

He looked almost as startled as we did. “For working a cash register?!”

“Evil-Mart pays pretty good.” Knuckles shrugged. “But that stipend is disgusting.”

“You are being exploited,” Ms Fedorova said, sounding really aghast. “That is terrible. Why, baseline henchman pay is twice that, and there are danger bonuses and…” Her voice dropped suddenly. “You don’t have a union, do you?”

“A union? Of course we don’t have a…” He trailed off. “You mean you do?”

“Of course we do. An extremely well-armed one.” Ms Fedorova folded her arms. “Henchmen And Allied Industries has represented us for generations. The last time a supervillain executed a union henchman for failure, he was boiled in oil… literally. On camera. Oh, of course some of the less reputable villains just pick up small-time trash from the streets, untrained rabble from the gangs and so on, so they can treat them as disposable, but we union members are skilled workers, with rights and protections. I bet you don’t even get overtime.”

“Of course not. Crime happens when it happens, and we have to…” He trailed off. “You guys get overtime?”

“We’re getting double time and a half for this conversation. And an extra day off.”

His eyes widened again. “Really? Wow, that’s… even when I was working a regular job, before this, I didn’t get pay like that.” He looked down at his hands and bared his teeth in what looked like an unhappy expression. “And now I can’t work anything but this kind of job. People don’t like having a scary dinosaur in their restaurant.”

There was a long pause.

“You can cook?” Ms Fedorova asked carefully.

“Yeah. I worked in my parents’ restaurant before… this.” He gestured at himself. “They were killed when we were attacked, and I was… changed.”

We all looked at each other. “After you’ve returned Superdyne’s remains to whoever you consider appropriate,” I said, grabbing a notepad and scribbling down my number, “I’d like you to give me a call. Evil-Mart is always hiring in the bakery and deli, and I mean always. Most bad guys aren’t great cooks. We don’t know why, it just seems to be one of those things.”

“You want me to join the bad guys?”

“I want you to work in a bakery. Villains and henchmen need to eat, and so do their families. Nobody’s going to ask you to rip superheroes in half, just maybe make a sandwich that won’t give anyone food poisoning.”

“That’s a regular concern?”

“Six months ago the three of us ran Evil-Mart’s physical store completely unassisted for most of a day because the only people who weren’t down with food poisoning were the ones who’d had the vegetarian and kosher meals.” I shuddered at the recollection. “Trust me. Someone who can cater staff functions without a major disaster would never have to live in an apartment like this working for us.”

“And we get full benefits, including dental.” Knuckles was shaking his head. “I bet you don’t even get hospital.”

“What hospital would take me? I always figured I’d go to the zoo and talk to the vet if – “

Ms Fedorova actually put her arms around him. “You,” she told him firmly, “are going to resign your terrible exploitative job, and then I will personally sponsor you to the union immediately. I have a spare room. You will like it. Humidity and temperature can be set just how you like, and Mamma Yelena will take you to real doctor expert in health of hybrids.”

“Those exist?” he asked, sounding a bit overwhelmed.

“Yeah, the Genetic Reign has like three of them,” I said sympathetically. “Listen, you can take some time to think it over, but you don’t have to put up with this kind of exploitation just because you don’t look human. Nearly a third of Evil-Mart’s staff can’t pass, and they’re treated just like everyone else.”

Superdyne’s dramatic demise got a lot of news coverage. Apparently it came as a real shock to the ‘good guys’ that there were some monsters even the superest villains wouldn’t embrace.

Dinoid no longer exists. Ismail Jameel works at Evil-Mart, and has expanded our fresh food lines a lot already. He’s a nice guy, and after Ms Fedorova told everyone how disgustingly he’d been exploited by those so-called ‘heroes’, he was welcomed with open arms. Literally, in at least one case – he’s dating someone from the warehouse, I’ve heard, though I don’t know who. He says we should rename the store, because we suck at being evil.

But evil is a really relative term. It can mean the blackest depravity, or a moment of viciousness, or even just ‘people on the other side’. Evil-Mart is called that because everyone, at least everyone on our side, is welcome. Plus, we all think it’s funny that the least-evil megacorporation is called ‘Evil-Mart’. What can we say? Bad guys have a sense of humour too.

Have an evil day!

[bookofmirth]

I like to bring this passage back from ACOSF everytime someone says Gwyn will be a background character in CC3/ACOTAR5 😊

Nesta arched a brow at the book. “What’s Merrill researching, anyway?”

Gwyn frowned. “Lots of things. Merrill’s brilliant. Horrible, but brilliant. When she first came here, she was obsessed with theories regarding the existence of different realms—different worlds. Living on top of each other without even knowing it. Whether there is merely one existence, our existence, or if it might be possible for worlds to overlap, occupying the same space but separated by time and a whole bunch of other things I can’t even begin to explain to you because I barely understand them myself.”

Nesta’s brows rose. “Really?”

“Some philosophers believe there are eleven worlds like that. And some believe there are as many as twenty-six, the last one being Time itself, which …” Gwyn’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Honestly, I looked at some of her early research and my eyes bled just reading hertheorizing and formulas.”

In that video Sarah said that a scene was cut from acosf, a scene that will be explained further in CC3.

Sarah: "There's a full length scene that ended up getting cut and was just referenced as Rhys being disturbed by some kind of star, and that like gets explained fully in Crescent City three [...] at least for Rhys the concept of like, they are not alone in the universe [...] he's already been thinking about that kind of thing. So like he saw Aelin in that moment and threw out his power to help her. So like you know, when this other girl from another world lands on his front lawn, he's kind of like, he's the only one that's been like, kind of ready for it."

Here is the quote she is referencing from ACOSF:

The mood hadn’t been helped by a rare red star blasting across the sky one day—an ill omen, Nesta had heard the priestesses muttering. Cassian reported that even Rhys had been rattled by it, seeming unusually contemplative afterward.

We don't know much about Merrill's background, but given that Sarah said that Rhys is the only one who has been prepared for other worlds to come into play, I would assume that Merrill was asked by Rhys to look into it, and that's why she was researching this stuff in the first place.

But after that quote you had, this is what Gwyn said:

Nesta chuckled. “I can imagine. But she’s researching something else now?”

“Yes, thank the Cauldron. She’s writing a comprehensive history of the Valkyries.”

“The who?”

Merril's research has clearly been reflecting major points in the plot. Gwyn is helping her with that research. It's not even about ships, it's just canon fact. Gwyn isn't just finding books for Merrill, she is active in the research process as well (these are all different scenes):

There were at least three dozen priestesses who worked and researched and healed here,

“I don’t know,” Gwyn said. “All I know is that I was assigned to work with Merrill and aid in her research, and I might have made a teensy mistake.” She grimaced.

Aren’t you researching Valkyries for Merrill? That might even give you further insight.”

Gwyn let out a breathy laugh. “I mean it. I learned about a new Valkyrie technique last night. It’s called Mind-Stilling.”

So... yeah. Rhys knew something was up, and who has been helping him learn more? Merrill and Gwyn.

[wienerbarnes]

Much Ado About Nothing (1/6)

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2,726

Warnings: enemies to lovers, talk of wedding and marriage stuff

A/N: enjoy the first part and let me know what u think!

MAIN MASTERLIST | MUCH ADO MASTERLIST

The ride back to New York feels a lot longer than the ride to Croatia, Bucky decides. HYDRA wasn’t kidding around when they said cut one head off and two take its place, whatever. No matter how hard Earth’s Mightiest Heroes try, there’s another facility that pops up at one point or another.

Bucky tries to think positively; they should be off HYDRA duty, if they keep up the consistent schedule of finding a new facility every three or so months, for a bit now.

“What’s the first thing you guys are gonna do when you get back? I’m gonna get some hot chocolate from the little cafeteria in the main building.” Sam hums from the seat directly behind Bucky.

Bucky’s in the passenger while Steve pilots and he gives his own answer at the same time as Steve,

“Shower.”

“Propose to Sharon.”

A small pause for the boys to ensure they heard that correctly.

“Wanna run that by us again, Cap?” Sam pipes up.

“When we land, I’m going to propose to Sharon.” Steve repeats nonchalantly.

“Since when?!” Bucky asks. He knows for a fact that Steve and Sharon adore each other, but Steve has never brought up marriage once in the time he’s dated Sharon, and clearly he hasn’t done so to Sam, either.

“Listen, I know we haven’t been dating long, but I know I love her and I know she loves me, so, what’s the point in waiting?” He explains.

“Is this about what happened earlier, Steve?” Bucky asks, knowing his best friend all too well.

A bomb was in the facility, of course, and Steve and Bucky tried to disarm it while Sam rallied the rest of prisoners out of the building.

Now, while Steve has obtained most of his training through his serum-fueled muscle memory and military experience over the last few decades, he is extremely lucky. Steve has successfully disarmed twenty-nine bombs throughout his Avengers career. Not a single failure. With no bomb training.

So when he cut one of the wires confidently and the timer started ticking faster, it made him nervous. And it made him even more nervous when he clipped a different wire and the time counter automatically set to zero. He froze in shock and was lucky Bucky was able to fling the two of them out a window and away from the direct blast.

“Okay, so, yeah, maybe I got a little scared. But, listen, it’s not a lie that we lead dangerous lives. Why should I hold back on the things I want if I know tomorrow isn’t promised?” Steve defends.

“Steve, you can’t marry a girl because you’re scared of dying!” Bucky exclaims.

“I’m not marrying her for that, Bucky, I love her!”

“I know you love her, but -”

“But?! -”

“Alright, alright, listen,” Sam interrupts their sibling bickering, “If this is what you want, I’m with you 100%, Cap.” Sam reassures.

Steve gives a thankful smile and looks back to Bucky, hoping for the same.

“You know I’m always on board with you, you punk.” Bucky slaps a hand on his shoulder.

“Thanks, guys.”

“Ah, big man’s gonna be engaged!” Sam throws his hands on Steve’s shoulders, jostling his body in the tiny pilot’s seat, and Bucky joins in on the teasing.

“I’m gonna tell everyone to meet in the hangar for when you ask her.” Sam says, pulling out his phone.

“You’re not gonna tell the Geek, are you?” Bucky groans.

“Of course, I’m gonna tell her. I don’t know why you don’t like her, man.”

Bucky rolls his eyes at the thought of the little lab rat. Sharon’s best friend. A young girl, born and raised in New York though thoroughly traveled through your work experience. Been to over fifty countries offering your expertise to combat cyberterrorism and have helped locate some of the hardest-to-find and worst people in the world.

You act like you’re all that just because you’re considered one of the youngest geniuses in the country and one of the greatest hackers in the world as well as the Avengers’ best tech expert of all time.

Whatever, big whoop, Bucky could care less.

As the jet lands, hugs and cheers are exchanged as the group of friends reacquaint themselves once again after a long mission. After greeting everyone, Bucky hangs on the outskirts of the group, waiting to see how Steve is going to pop his big question.

“C’mon, punk, don’t lose your courage.” Bucky talks to himself.

“I don’t know if you noticed, Bucky, but no one’s listening to you. You can stop talking.” Your voice pipes up next to him.

“Oh, hey, Little Miss Geeky, don’t you have some codes to hack, or something?” He bites at you.

“I told you not to call me that!”

“I told you not to call me that,” Bucky mocks you in a higher pitched voice.

“Geez, how does anyone stand you around here? I don’t get how all the female trainees are infatuated with you.”

“They definitely kiss my ass because I train them and I have the final say on whether or not they move on to second-class training, but even if I didn’t,” Bucky turns to face you now, “They’d still love me because every woman here loves me except for you, it seems.”

“Doesn’t matter anyway, I’m not interested in getting involved with anyone or anything right now, I don’t even know I’m capable of that, anymore.” Bucky finishes.

“Women everywhere are lucky, then. You’d make a horrible boyfriend. I’m glad I have no need for romance, either.”

“Hopefully you keep it that way, any guy that ends up with your catty ass will end up with his face scratched up.”

“Well, if his face looks anything like yours, a good scratching would only make it look better.”

“Alright, alright, enough, you two. Can’t even be civil around each other for five minutes.” Sam interrupts, slinging each of his arms around both you and Bucky’s shoulders, shoving himself in between the two of you.

“She started it.”

“No, he -”

“Stop! He’s about to do it.” Sam shushes you.

“He’s about to do what -”

“Guys, guys, I want everyone’s attention.” Steve’s voice calls out, and everyone quiets down immediately.

Steve turns to Sharon, “Sharon, you are the most beautiful, the strongest, the kindest, and most amazing woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on.” He begins.

“I’ve known for a while now, and I know you have, too, that I love you with every fiber of my being. You make me a better Captain, and a better man every day I’m with you. I truly and deeply believe that you’re my soulmate and I won’t ever find another girl like you in my life. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. So, I don’t want to waste anymore time,” Steve lowers down onto one knee and a few gasps echo from the group.

Bucky sees you slap a hand over your mouth in shock and Sam sniffles beside him. A small smile appears on Bucky’s face, too.

“Sharon, will you make me the happiest man alive, and marry me?”

“Yes, yes, yes! Steve, yes I’ll marry you!” Sharon cries out, jumping into Steve’s arms as he stands again, and the group claps and cheers for them.

They share sweet kiss after sweet kiss, relishing in the new step in their relationship.

Sharon’s voice catches everyone in their celebration, though, “Let’s get married now!”

Collective what’s come from the group of friends that surround them, “Like you said, babe, let’s not waste anymore time!”

“Sharon, if you think you’re not getting the most gorgeous and lovely wedding you deserve, you’re mistaken.” You tell her.

“For once, I agree with Techie, Shar. I mean you don’t have a dress, Steve doesn’t have a tux; hell, the two of you don’t even have rings!” Bucky says.

“I can make it happen in a week.” Tony’s voice booms from the group. Everyone looks to him.

“I can get you guys rings, I can get Sharon a dress, and Steve a suit, I can set up the smaller ballroom for a pre-wedding party for everyone tonight and get the bigger ballroom ready for a wedding by next Friday.” Tony offers.

“Consider it a wedding gift.” He smiles.

Sharon and Steve look to each other before looking back at Tony, “Next Friday it is, then.”

The group goes back to congratulating the newly engaged couple as well as conversing about the future wedding.

...

“Hey, did you guys hear about the rumored wedding?”

Bruce Banner pipes up in the empty lab after returning from downstairs. Well, not empty, of course, but empty of you, the intern’s tech leader in their internship.

“What idiot would want to get married, nowadays?” John pipes up.

The only reason he’s here is because his step-brother, Sam “The Falcon” Wilson insisted on getting him this internship gig. Everyone was always saying how he wasn’t going to live up to his big brother’s legacy, and he hated the fact that that was only ingrained into his existence further by the fact that Sam got him this position.

“Your brother’s best buddy.” Clint Barton enters and answers. Always roaming around the building, he is.

“What, that pretty boy, Steve?”

“That’s the one.” The archer confirms and plops himself down in a spinning chair.

“Huh. And I guess he’s marrying that pretty girlfriend of his? When did this happen?”

“That he is. It happened just downstairs now that they’ve returned from that mission. There’s a party tonight to celebrate.” Banner informs him, hoping the sound of a party will liven the kid’s spirits a bit.

Banner can see the kid’s frustration in living in his brother’s shadow - or feeling like so - and hopes that allowing him the opportunity to make some good memories will make his time here feel a little less miserable. Despite the connection to his brother, John’s incredibly smart for a nineteen-year-old, a teenager, and deserves to have a little play among all his work.

“Hmmm. I think I’ll go. Who doesn't love a good party, right?” John says, satisfying both Avengers in the lab with him.

Meanwhile, John’s fantasizing, he’s going to get into trouble around here.

…

Sharon, Tony, and you sit around a small table in the cafeteria while Sam waits for his hot chocolate across the room.

“If only I could find a guy in between Steve and Bucky. Steve’s too vanilla and Bucky’s too… Bucky.” You say.

“Keep thinking like that and you won’t find anyone.” Tony tells you.

“Well, good. I pray everyday that God doesn’t send me a husband. Ugh, and especially not a guy like Steve or Bucky; I can’t stand those beards.”

“Maybe you’ll find a husband that shaves.” Sharon offers.

“I know I’m not hearing my darling Geeky and husband as topics in the same conversation.” Sam finally joins with his cup of hot chocolate.

“You’re right, you’re not. I’ll start looking for a husband when they make men out of something other than trash. Speaking of which, I know Steve is America’s Golden Boy, or whatever, but you make sure he treats you right.” You say.

“I second that.” Sam agrees.

“I third it.” Tony follows.

Sharon laughs, “Guys, guys, I appreciate it, but I don’t need you guys to have that talk with me, Steve is amazing, and you all know it.”

“Yeah, yeah, anyway, I’m going to go shower for the party tonight, I’ve been holed up in the lab all morning.” You stand and go to exit the cafeteria.

Bucky’s way ahead of you in that aspect, following through with what he said on the jet and retreating up to his room to shower as soon as the congratulations were given to the happy couple.

Showering is a special ritual Bucky follows after a rough mission. Of course, everyone showers after a mission, but Bucky makes his post-mission showers extra special.

He double shampoos both his hair and his beard, lathering them up with a smooth conditioner after, while he washes all the dirt and gunk from his body with a lavender and grapeseed oil body soap.

He applies a face mask while he cleans up any wounds he might’ve sustained on the mission, as well as polishing and scrubbing his metal arm clean. Once he’s finished, he painfully reminds himself that he can’t just sleep for the next sixteen hours. He has to get ready to go to a party.

He sighs to himself, “Let’s get this over with.”

…

Everyone in the ballroom is dressed to the nines for the last-minute engagement party. There’s music, dancing, drinks, and just about everyone that works in the tower is in that room.

The group of friends all find each other eventually, and of course all of the attention is on the future bride and groom. Talk of colors and themes and cakes all overwhelm the couple - the question of whether or not Sharon will wear a garter makes Steve blush.

Quite honestly, they’re on the verge of just eloping downtown and saying to hell with all the parties and festivities.

“Okay, okay, can we talk about something else? I don’t want all this wedding stuff to be the only thing I hear about for the next seven days.” Sharon finally interrupts.

“Okay, what do you want to talk about, Miss Bride-to-be?” You ask.

“Well, how about when you’re going to find yourself a husband?” Sharon teases her friend, knowing how much she despises talking about her own love life, or lack thereof.

“Oh no, absolutely not, not this again. I’m going to get a drink.” You wave her off, stepping away from the group and making your way back towards the open bar.

“I hope I didn’t arrive just as we were talking about relationship stuff.” Bucky says as he arrives and finally finds his friends.

“I’m afraid you did.” Natasha confirms beside Sharon.

“In that case, I’m gonna follow Geeky’s lead and get a drink; I’ll certainly need one for that conversation.” Bucky excuses himself, the shadow of his dark blue suit follows the flow of your navy gown worn tonight; you surely matched by complete accident.

“Imagine if they were married.” Sharon thinks aloud to Natasha.

“Who? Barnes and Geek-a-Chic? Please, they’d kill each other within a week of being married.” Natasha argues.

“I hope y'all aren’t talking about our Barnes and Techie, because there’s no way in hell they’d be caught dead with each other like that.” Sam butts in, Steve by his side.

“C’mon guys, think about it. It’s like opposites attract and all that. Plus, I think they are the only people that are a match for their own wits.” Sharon explains.

“I don’t know, babe. They’re constantly at each other’s necks; I don’t even think they’ve had a normal conversation with each other without insults or bickering.” Steve says.

“I suggest we do the impossible.” Tony interrupts, clearly having had a few too many drinks.

“While we wait for the wedding to come, we are going to set those two up together.” He hiccups.

“Tony, you’re crazy.”

“That’ll never work.”

“I’m with it!” Sam shouts, excited to play along and work with Tony on his shenanigans.

“Atta boy, Sammy! C’mon, Sharon? Nat? Steve? Where’s Clint, I know he’ll be on board with this.” Tony whips his head around in all directions looking for the archer.

“C’mon, guys, it’ll be fun! The worst that can happen is that we fail.” Sam tries to convince.

“I think the worst that can happen is that we succeed! Imagine Barnes and her together!” Natasha exclaims.

“I just want her to be happy. She deserves a good boyfriend and husband.” Sharon says sweetly, Sam words slowly convincing her.

“I agree.” Steve chimes in, wanting the best for his own best friend as well.

The five of them turn towards the bar to see Bucky and their favorite tech nerd pushing and shoving at each other’s shoulders, clearly fighting about something once again.

“Alright, I’m on board. Let’s do it.” Natasha finally agrees.

John watches the happy friend group from a distance. He sees his brother smiling and laughing with his friends; his famous, talented, skilled friends, his friends who are soon going to be married and live happily ever after.

Not if he can help it, anyway.

[arlingtonpark]

SNK 139 Review Part I: On Eren Jeager and Genocide

Why?

Why is this happening?

Folks, I’m going to be honest here: there are no words for this. The main thrust of this chapter is completely inexplicable. It’s stupid. It’s ill conceived. FML.

Just…just the term itself is laughable.

Eren redemption arc.

Sksksksksksksksksksksk

After everything he’s done, everyone he’s killed, you’re going to try redeeming Eren in the final chapter?

Eren didn’t need to be redeemed. He was a bullheaded kid who didn’t let anyone stop him from doing what he thought needed to be done. He sees the titans outside the walls as enemies to be exterminated. When he learns that his real enemies are other humans, who have a right to freedom as much as he does, he can’t accept it and decides to just exterminate them too. That mindset led him down a tragic path of genocide.

That’s not a bad character arc!

In fact, I’d say it’s very compelling. Nonconformity and obstinance are often presented as virtues; flipping that paradigm on its head and showing the vices of those virtues was legitimately smart and provocative.

Making people rethink what traits are virtues and vices is a great moral to the story, and it paired well with the other moral of cooperation and loving your fellow people.

Then this chapter came out, and they threw all that away.

Eren’s arc once made me think of Aristotle, who argued that true virtue lied between extremes: neither too submissive nor too rebellious.

Now Eren’s arc makes me think of pseudointellectual 4chan philosophy, and dumb teenagers: “He’s not a bad guy, he’s just human!!!”

Eren’s motivations are a mess now. He had no free will, but he also had a plan, but deep down he wanted to do the rumbling no matter what, but actually he really wanted to be with Mikasa.

Oh, and B T dubs, he killed his mom too.

You can tell Isayama is desperate to make Eren as sympathetic as possible to justify making him the anti-hero because he’s throwing everything he can pull out of his ass at Eren.

Really, though, all he ended up doing was smearing shit on the character.

Eren’s plan was to kill a significant part of the human population so the world wouldn’t be as overwhelming a threat as before. Simultaneously, he planned (“planned”) for the alliance to become vaunted heroes to the world when they killed him, thus paving the way to peace.

This…makes no sense?

There is no reason Eren should have believed this would work. During the battle of Trost, Pixis asked him if humanity could unite if threatened by a common enemy. Eren said no.

Eren is a pessimist about people. He sees how much the walldians fought with each other and concluded that people would always be at odds.

And the Tybur family helped defeat the Eldian Empire, but only the Tyburs were seen as heroes by the Marleyans. That good will was not imputed from the Tyburs to the other Eldians on the continent. There’s no reason to think that would happen here when it didn’t back then.

I’m assuming, anyway, that the alliance becoming heroes is supposed to lead to a world where Paradis is safe since that’s supposed to be Eren’s goal.

I’m willing to grant that maybe this part of Eren’s plan was more of a hope on his part. Peace would come only after his death, so he can’t truly “plan” for anything afterwards.

I think it’s safe to say that killing the world’s population was the main part of his plan, since that’s the part he had the most control over.

To the extent he had any control over his actions, which brings me to the next point.

So, turns out Eren had no free will.

Can you not feel Isayama’s desperation?

After all the awful things Eren’s done, Isayama’s brilliant idea to make him sympathetic is to strip him of all agency.

This is done by two routes throughout the chapter.

The first is by building him up as a victim. Eren’s mind is fucked; he can’t really control himself. Any decent person would feel pity for him, which is reinforced by the sorrow Armin visibly feels for him.

Then, like a shotgun blast to the face, we are told that Eren killed his mother in a moment that is clearly supposed to endear us to him.

This is such a transparent appeal for our sympathy. Isayama’s desperation leaps off the page and mugs us of it.

The only thing that this revelation adds to the story is that it gives Armin a reason to take up Eren’s hand, and show him support. You can see Armin’s heart breaking for Eren in that moment.

That’s mostly why this is here: to give the mass murderer a hard luck story so our hearts melt for him.

The second route is that depriving Eren of agency absolves him of blame for what he did.

Eren beat Armin bloody, but you can’t really blame him for it. He was drugged out on the Founding Titan and didn’t want to do it. He was acting on impulse, just going with the flow, so he deserves, at the very least, some leniency.

Eren both having a plan and not having much in the way of free will is contradictory. Everyone still talks about Eren as if he’s someone who is doing stuff even though we’re told he’s not really capable of rational decision making.

I’m going to be nice and assume Isayama’s intent is that when you parse this all out, you end up in a place where Eren is not truly responsible for what he did, and in any event this all ended with the titan curse broken and the world at peace, sooooo break out the champagne everyone, we achieved world peace!

…

Yeah, bub, I’m not partying right now.

Isayama’s ploy to absolve Eren of blame didn’t work. Eren is still responsible for the people he killed and his Founding Titan lobotomy counts for shit. Turns out it helps to know how free will works when you’re writing about free will.

Free will is the quality of being in control of your actions, at least to the extent necessary to be held responsible for them.

Eren was just going with the flow (wonder what Annie thought of that…), acting on impulse, and getting dragged along by fate, but that’s not actually important.

It’s been known for centuries that current events are caused by previous events and that the current events will bring about future events in a never ending chain of cause and effect. One domino causes another to fall causes another to fall and on and on. This is called determinism.

And that’s ok because we free will exists. It exists even if we can’t do anything other than what we are going to do. It exists in spite of, or even arises out of, determinism.

This premise, that free will and determinism are not mutually exclusive, is the foundation for a family of theories about free will called compatibilism.

Compatibilist free will is the most popular theory of free will. There are a couple of variations on the basic idea, but the gist is that free will exists when your actions can be linked to an aspect of yourself that you identify with.

For example, if you had no choice but to do something, but you’re ok with that because it’s what you wanted anyway, then you have free will.

Even if I didn’t know you’d stop me in the end, I think I still would have flattened this world. 

-Eren Jeager

That’s all I needed to hear.

EREN, FUCK YOU!!!!

Eren had free will, at least as much as necessary to blame him for his genocide.

Isayama threw this curveball at us and all it did was ruin Eren as a character while leaving him just as repugnant as before. Incredible. It’s the worst of both worlds.

Before this chapter Eren was a guy who believed in something and followed that belief no matter who got in his way. That was great! It was tragic and sad, but great storytelling.

Where does this chapter leave us?

What we learn in this chapter is that Eren didn’t really believe in anything. He may have free will enough to be a shithead for what he did, but that doesn’t mean he has free will enough to be an interesting character.

Eren coming to grips with him not being free, in an absolute sense, would have been so much more interesting than what we got. Eren started the series comparing humanity to cattle in a pen. He ends the series being literally sheparded by fate to his death like cattle to a slaughterhouse.

And yet we get no exploration of that at all.

It’s lame. Everything about this is lame. From a storytelling perspective, Eren was just along for the ride. Who would want to reread this series now? A story about a boy who’s quest for freedom neither ends tragically nor happily, but is just forgotten about by the end. What’s the point?

There is none.

Eren’s journey ends up lost in the author’s own ignorance of the very thing this is supposed to be about.

Unfortunately, SNK isn’t interested in 80% of the world being dead. If it were, Eren wouldn’t have gotten such a warm send off.

I was honestly shocked when I read this chapter.

I thought it had been made clear. SNK had come firmly down against genocide. I never imagined Isayama would try a 180 in the final chapter.

And, well, he did, and here we are.

SNK is pro-genocide.

To wit:

Once Eren’s abominable plan is explained to everyone, he is lavished with love and comfort by his friends.

Armin did punch Eren for being callous about Mikasa, but overall all Armin had nothing but sympathy and understanding for Eren. They held hands and hugged and gave Eren a tender farewell.

All they talk about is how great a sacrifice Eren is making.

Not the sacrifice of 80% of all people, but the sacrifice that Eren personally is making of himself.

I don’t know what deranged mindset Isayama has that made him think this was sensible, but no, Eren is not sacrificing anything. He was always going to die. We’ve known this for several dozen chapters. It’s not a sacrifice to befall the fate you were always going to suffer.

He lost nothing. If anything, he gained from this ending.

Eren died knowing he was loved and appreciated by his friends. What more could a dying man ask for?

Eren is rewarded by the story for killing 80% of humanity.

His ultimate fate was no worse than was expected even before he committed the genocide, and he went out in the knowledge that his friends loved him for it.

It doesn’t even make logical sense that his friends would be so receptive to what he did.

There is no difference between Eren’s plan and what we thought Eren’s plan was before this chapter came out.

Armin thought Eren’s plan was to murder humanity to ensure his safety, and Armin was appalled. Armin was willing to sacrifice his life to ensure Eren failed. He was truly acting for the greater good of humanity.

In this chapter, Armin learns that Eren’s plan is actually to murder most of humanity to ensure his safety, and Armin loves him.

Again, hand holding, hugging, “thank you.” No mention of the unfathomable harm caused. The 80% killed are not even a footnote in this chapter.

Even after the fact, Eren’s friends showed no qualms with Eren essentially winning and procuring their safety through genocide.

When previously the mere thought of that was what motivated them to lay down their lives to stop him.

I don’t think Isayama believes this genocide is supposed to bear on how we think of Eren. I say, having just read the chapter that’s all about Eren, in which his genocide doesn’t bear on how his friends think of him. At all.

Was that too great a leap in logic? I apologize if my rationality offends you.

Eren may have died, but he won in the end.

His friends are safe and the world looks set to conclude a peace treaty with Paradis.

I don’t buy for a second that the world is a threat to Paradis anymore, and I don’t buy for a second that there won’t be a peace shortly after the end of the story.

It’s very telling, to me, that it’s the world that’s come to grovel at Paradis’ feet, begging for peace, when previously it was the other way around.

The contours of this “peace,” if you can call it that, were made pretty clear in the epilogue. The world is in ruins while Paradis is stronger than ever, so the world sues for peace for fear of Paradis attacking further. 

This is the moral of the story. Frankly, it’s been staring at us in the face the whole time.

How do you end the cycle of violence?

The answer is to win. To be stronger. More determined.

The only peace is enforced peace through domination.

Peace through the barrel of a gun.

To be continued in part II (and possibly part III)

[symphonic-scream]

Okay so here's the summary of what happens in the first section of the ML Genshin au. If you're overly familiar with the lore of the game itself sorry in advance cause things are gonna be different. It's a mix of wanted to incorporate new ideas and I don't remember everything exactly lmao

This of course contains Spoilers for the first three Archon quests in Genshin Impact :) so there you've been warned. Also warning: long post. I'm sorry

--

So the story starts with two travelers soaring through the skies, visiting world after world as they go. However their journey is cut short when they encounter a strange god in the heavens above one such world

The travelers hold out against her for as long as they can, but she gets the upper hand, capturing one of the two travelers. She seals away the powers of the other, trapping him in this world

Some time passes. Our traveler has spent his time trying to survive in the wild in this new world, and has now fished a strange creature up out of the sea. Some floating cat thing, that insists he's not a cat. He calls himself Plagg

Our traveler is blond, with striking green eyes. His outfit is very strange, looking kinda like,, a thick leather armour type stuff but softer. There are dark stars on his shoulders, wrists, on the belt, and in the centre of his chest, and his shirt cuts off at the base of his ribs. Pants are much the same, boots ending just below the knees, and he's got some fancy golden gloves and padding on the knees

The traveler explains what he remembers of his story to Plagg, introducing himself as Adrien. He's not of this world, and he's going to find his identical cousin Felix, who was taken by a strange god, no matter what it takes

Plagg decides to be his guide in this world, which he calls Teyvat, and agrees to help him find the god and his cousin. He explains that Teyvat is divided into seven Nations, each under the rule of one of seven gods called Archons, collectively "the Seven". The land they're in now is called Mondstadt, the nation belonging to the Archon of freedom. And Anemo, the element of wind

Plagg leads Adrien into a small valley, a statue resting in the middle of a small lake right in the centre. The guide calls it a Statue of the seven, this one modeled after Barbatos, the name used for the Anemo Archon. Plagg believes there's a chance the strange god could be one of the seven, so perhaps praying to the statue may give them some answers

However when Adrien gets close, he's infused with a strange power. He now has control over Anemo

This is odd to Plagg because in Teyvat, only humans with something called a vision can use elemental abilities. Visions are gifts from the Archons, used to show who has earned their favour through what's usually some inhuman feat or something like that I guess

The statue left more questions than answers, so Plagg decides they should try to find the god in person in the City of Mondstadt. However on their way to the forest that will lead to the city, a dragon flies overhead

Plagg decides a dragon is too much work to deal with and suggests they turn back, cause maybe your cousin will show up on his own- wait - hey come back here-

Adrien marches on, interested in meeting a dragon. He walks carefully through the trees, stopping short when he spots the dragon and a shorter figure

The person slowly approaching the dragon has their back to Adrien, with pinkish-red hair, wearing a somewhat fancy looking grey hooded jacket, black high boots, and dark cyan trousers. On their left shoulder, attached to their lapel, is a spring green/seafoam?? Kinda? Idk- coloured gem

Their hand is outstretched towards the dragon, who growls lowly as the figure shushes them. Adrien leans in to see better, snapping a twig beneath his boots. At the sudden noise the dragon shoots off into the sky, flying off. The figure whips around to face Adrien, summoning a sword from thin air (vision users can just do this?? There's really no explanation that I've cared to read haha). The figure turns and runs off into the woods after staring at Adrien for a moment

Adrien and Plagg continue on their way through the woods, coming out the other end with no other issues. Once they exit the forest, a woman is calling for their attention

She's dressed in for the outdoors, emerald kinda green overalls that are cut like shorts, white,, idk kinda like tights but thicker?? And brown boots, the same colour as the pretty much useless belt around her waist, where a bright green gem and little pouches rest. Under the overalls is a navy collared shirt, soft fabric, button open at the top, a brown half jacket (cut like a crop top) open over it. Dark hair in two pigtails, bright blue eyes

She introduces herself as Marinette, an adventurer assisting the Knights of Favonius, who protect the city, with keeping monsters at bay from the city. She asks Adrien what he and his, cat? ("IM NOT A CAT!") Are doing outside the city, and he tells her he's looking for his cousin, and maybe Barbatos

Marinette explains that they haven't heard from their god in years, and only recently have they gotten any sign that the Archon actually exists, with the first Anemo vision to be given out in ages and the dragon attacks

Adrien helps her clear out a little monster camp before they head into the city, with Marinette planning on taking Adrien to see the Acting Grand Master to see if she can help

But OH NO DRAGON ATTACK. Adrien hears a voice and suddenly he's got boosted abilities, flying (using a wind glider) up with the dragon, chasing it away from the city by blasting it with Anemo energy

When he lands Marinette asks him what the hell he just did, and someone else steps in, claiming they were about to say the same thing. This woman has orange cat ears sticking out of bobbed orange hair, and is wearing glasses over teal eyes

She's got a simple, dark blue jacket on over a light blue collared shirt, a brown vest between the two. Dark pants, tall metallic, silver boots, a small kinda waist cape?? Idk what they are but she's got one and it's white and furred. A pale baby blue vision hangs from the side of her belt

This is Sabrina, one of the Captains with the knights, Marinette explains. Sabrina escorts the two of them to the headquarters of the knights, claiming the Acting Grand Master wants to speak with them

The Acting Grand Master has long blonde hair tied back in a ponytail, and tired blue eyes. She wears a long dark coat, an orangey brown vision just off the right shoulder. Under the jacket is a dark brown, thick blouse and vest combo. Her pants are a pale brown, and her boots are the same as Sabrina's. Her clothing looks rather lavish

The Acting Grand Master, Chloe, she insists they call her, listens to Adrien's tale. She explains she can help once things calm down with the whole dragon thing. He wants to help, but she can't just let him in for liability reasons and strikes a deal. If he can locate the one citizen that didn't check in and confirm their health after the attack, he earns honorary knight status

The knights and adventurers head out to seek out the temples of three of the four winds while Adrien and Plagg look for this missing person. They follow traces of Anemo energy, leading them to the roof of the knights headquarters where they come face to face with the figure from the woods, the missing citizen

The citizen attempts to run, but they stop her and say the knights are looking for her. The figure cautiously introduces herself as Alix Kubdel, watching the duo cautiously

Plagg speaks first breaking the silence, asking her about what she was doing with the dragon. You know, the dragon that attacked the city? Got an explanation for that?

Alix hesitates but explains that she was trying to calm down the dragon, bond with it. When asked why, she finally explains that she's the New Anemo Archon, and she's still getting used to what she has to do

New? What do you mean new? Plagg kinda hounds at her, Adrien apologizes, and Alix says the last Archon died, and she was eventually chosen as a replacement

By now the knights are returning from the temples and Adrien takes Alix in to talk with Chloe to convince her that they don't need to kill "Stormterror", the name given to the dragon by the city. Alix corrects them, stating his name is Dvalin

Alix has to reveal to Chloe as well that she's the new Archon in order to convince her to let them try Alix's "bonding plan", and they set into action. The group sets off for the lair of the dragon, to confront him headon

Adrien fights the dragon the same way as before, realizing Alix was the one that gave him the ability to do the funky blasting and flying, and then they've got him weak enough that Adrien can do some weird otherworldly healing thing on him

Apparently the dragon was poisoned by the monsters from the Abyss, and was under their orders. Without the aid of the Archon he couldn't fight it, but now that he's met the new Archon, Alix, all is great and dandy and they have a fun chat

They all head back to the city to celebrate, but they're ambushed by a group called the Fatui from one of the other nations, Schnezneya. During the ambush a woman known as Signora, one of the Harbingers who executes the will of the Cryo Archon, gets a hold of Alix

She snatches something called a gnosis from her, leaving her weak on the ground as they flee. The gnosis, uh, it holds like,, uh, the godly powers of an Archon? It's what makes em an Archon I guess? Sorta? Anyways Alix's was stolen so she doesn't have it now

And that's pretty much it. Alix goes to heal at this big ass tree and advises Adrien fo go check out the next nation, Liyue, and their Archon Morax, to see about his cousin and thats it

Adrien would do other stuff before leaving including meeting two Alchemists and helping them explore a mountain, assisting the two owners of the Harmony Tavern with some bullshit and all that but yeah

This is a very condensed version, of the events, but anymore detail and this would be that much longer lmao

If you have any questions comments complaints or whatever let me know. Sorry this was long I tried to condense it as best I could,

[wangxiandecoded]

Episode 9

Previous Episode | Next Episode

(Spoilers for the whole show ahead!)

Lan Zhan remembers what Wei Ying had mentioned about the puppets the first night at Cloud Recesses showing he remembers quite a lot about him, he just doesn’t let on.

NHS is a big mood in this scene, an absolutely useless gay depending on two warrior gays to save his life. But he’s hindering their flawless team work so Lan Zhan uses the silencing spell on him.

This dialogue is so uncalled for and delivered in a way that makes you think Wei Ying just wants to see Lan Zhan have an outburst, kick back and admire how hot that is.

Wei Ying’s “you can go ahead and blame me for everything that is wrong with this world but my man has done nothing wrong in his life ever” smile.

You didn’t have to expose him like that but thank you, Jiang Cheng.

Wei Ying’s “sorry I accidentally did a hetero thing, let us please not remember this for the sake of my clean conscience” smile.

Yet Another Plot Device To Show Off Wangxian’s Chemistry

The Dire Owl subplot is one of the dreamiest scenes on the show and a fight sequence that proves Wangxian own the patent for words like soulmates, symmetry, equilibrium, balance, yin and yang, mirrors and their derivatives.

Here’s something that’s bothered me : Wei Ying calls for Lan Zhan twice and he doesn’t answer him the first time even though he looks searchingly in his direction. It is only when they knock into each other the second time that he explains the fog is a hallucination caused by the Dire Owl. (But of course Lan Zhan doesn’t need to answer him, the red string of fate will inevitably help them find the other.) 

Clear-headed as he is, did he for a second believe that the Dire Owl was making him hallucinate Wei Ying’s voice the first time, and is that why he ignored him? Because Lan Zhan’s mind could be the spotless sea of tranquillity it is, but Wei Ying has now become the shrillest thought that breaks through and demands his attention. He doesn’t respond though, so he must have been sure Wei Ying is safe.

For Lan Zhan, Wei Ying will do even the impossible. He’ll try his best to seal off all his senses and mute his head that’s forever brimming with thoughts. 

Ok, pause. I cried when I watched this for the first time and let me tell you why. The implications of this fight scene are astounding. We all know Wangxian are soulmates who can confront anything together but did we know that they could feel and find their way to each other even when their senses are completely shut? I mean, how attuned to someone’s existence do you have to be to achieve that? They are hyper focusing on nothing but the Dire Owl and yet moving perfectly with eyes closed in an outrageously impressive synchrony. They can feel the other’s presence and have utmost trust in each other to shield their direction. They move as if they’ve spent infinite lifetimes by the other’s side mastering this skill; they leap, spin and swerve like they think with the same mind. The way they fit together is to die for, nearly impossible and the legendary stuff from stories that we all wish we could have with someone in this existence. If I was whatever that stood in Wangxian’s way, I’d be terrified and call it a day. They are not just soulmates, they are The Original Formidable Soulmates™. 

Wangxian Are Here To Kick Queerbaiters In The Ass

This fantastic display of battle prowess by the two heroes fighting back-to-back is one of the many things that convinced me The Untamed is not like the other stories out there. Simply because every stop of their journey is too romantic and the others don’t come close enough. It is an injustice to compare or group their relationship with the ‘dude bro, no homo’ chemistry that bromances usually sell. Lan Zhan and Wei Ying are two people who are so passionately devoted to and absolutely belong with each other, they are soulmates not just in the minds of the audience or because the creators were afraid to make them something more, but soulmates by their own admission. There are other factors that strengthen their already supergay case like the absence of a female love interest in their lives and their flirty interactions being genuinely adorable as heck, as opposed to just isolated instances of b(romance). And it really, really, helps our case that the novel is canonically gay but it is also remarkable that a show that’s teeming with gay subtext can exist at all and go on to become one that is widely embraced by everyone, casual watchers and shippers alike. 

Lan Zhan and Wei Ying's chemistry gives all the Western superheroes a run for their money. We no longer have to wonder what it looks like when two queer heroes who are in love get to kick ass together. See, this is what happens when you have the guts to invest in a gay romance. This show looked censorship in the eye and said gay rights anyway. (I’m going to digress from this show for a sec and just plainly weep for all the queer pairings on mainstream media that we shipped but couldn’t see the light of day because of the homophobic people behind them. It is great that the truth still lives in our hearts and the millions of words on ao3. But life feels a lot sweeter to know with certainty that our heroes are in love this time and celebrate the fact that the people who made this show knew and honoured that very well, that they honoured the audience. In my eyes, CQL is the unparalleled forefather of gay romance from now on. Because reading these epic queer stories is one thing but watching Wangxian’s story unfold along with the entire world means believing in the power of gay love. And seeing our favorite heroes in action makes the characters we look up to so much more real.)

Lan Zhan comes flying like the Prince Charming he is to break the shackles of heteronormativity trying to kill his soulmate! Hell yeah, king! Save us from that straight trope that’s been choking us since time immemorial.

We did not just see Wei Ying pretend to be dead so he can outsmart the bird and simultaneously get Lan Zhan to save him just because he likes that sort of thing. Nope, totally didn’t happen. 

Oh, hello Ah Yuan! Details like this prove the show is well worth multiple rewatches.

There is nothing more uniquely Wangxian than the million thoughts they share with each other through mere glances, the frequency of which steadily increases. Who knew you could speak with zero articulation? Not having a soulmate sure sucks for the rest of us mortals. I doubt the audience can truly grasp the depth of their communication but I’m pretty sure it goes like this most of the time. 

Wei Ying teasing Lan Zhan that the Goddess Statue tried to kill him because she had a crush on him is all kinds of hilarious. Lan Zhan looks somewhere in between “Wei Ying, we’re talking about the fate of the universe, stop being gay for 2 seconds please,” and "STFU, just because I can find my way to you blind doesn't mean I will hesitate to Silence you again."

Wei Ying Is Crumbling All Of Lan Zhan’s Walls

Most people maintain their distance from Hanguang-Jun, the Noblest Of Them All, he whose robes command respect and inspire fear. There is hence something very sweetly domestic about Wei Ying latching on to his silk tassel while subtext-whining, "Where are you going Lan Zhan, I refuse to live without you", and "Ugh Lan Zhan, you're so lost without me, ok fine, I'll help you.” It’s like he granted himself the lifetime entitlement of being Lan Zhan’s nuisance-companion the night they met, and thank goodness for that because Lan Zhan wasn’t going to let anyone into his life. Wei Ying is the exception who managed to charm his way into his heart and dissolve his barriers.

Notice Wei Ying even turns down free alcohol for Lan Zhan. And the sheer undisguised panic on his face that Lan Zhan is going to leave him alone after all the bonding activities he made sure they went through is endearing comedy at its peak. 

We see Lan Zhan no longer believes resolutely in His Ways and lets Wei Ying persuade him to believe there is a better one. This is a great 𝙙𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙡𝙤𝙥𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩 for them because they’re communicating.

Lan Zhan doesn’t fight him anymore, period. 

The Yin Iron starts acting up and Wei Ying is immediately there for Lan Zhan, gently grounding him. He can feel the horror and pain Lan Zhan has seen in the vision because of course he can. But does Lan Zhan see how much Wei Ying loves him and hurts for him? He has to. In moments like this, Wei Ying’s presence shows how wrong Lan Zhan is in wanting to do everything alone. We all need a friend in life. And it was destiny that led them to each other because their lives would’ve evidently been a lot lonelier without the other in it. 

Episode 9 shows Lan Zhan warming up to Wei Ying some more : he has stopped being antagonistic altogether, lets Wei Ying pull him around, freely accepts his help, shares many glances with him and is ready to blast anything that lays a finger on Wei Ying sky high. (Of course we see that Wei Ying exaggerates needing his help most of the time. He plays the “I’m a frail man desperately in need of Hanguang-Jun’s protection” card because swooning into the arms of his lover is one of his favorite things. And not even Lan Zhan calls him out for it. They’re just so whipped for each other.)

[malewifegrantaire]

The Birthday Thing

READ PART ONE HERE

READ PART TWO HERE

PART THREE: The titular “Thing.”

Combeferre had put himself in charge of the cell phone bag, a move that Enjolras heartily objected to.

“You really don’t have to do that.” Enjolras said. “You should be having fun!”

“I will be having fun!” Combeferre promised. “But if we’re gonna enforce a no cell phone policy, someone has to keep an eye on them in case someone’s mom calls or something.”

“If my mom calls, do me a favor and send her to voicemail.” Courfeyrac interrupted. Courfeyrac had managed to simultaneously be the first and last person to arrive, even though the party was being thrown in his apartment. He’d set everything up, welcomed Enjolras and Combeferre, and then left to go pick up his plus-one who, Combeferre noticed, was standing very nervously behind Courfeyrac clutching a bouquet of flowers.

“Uh, hi. Thank you, uh, thanks for having me, I know we don’t know each other too well. We met once, I don’t know if you remember-“

“I remember.” Combeferre said, and Marius made a face that said quite plainly he wished he hadn’t remembered him at all. Enjolras only smiled.

“Oh, it’s you! You’re, yeah, you’re that guy, I remember you! Marius. Okay, yeah! Thank you for coming.” he said. Marius’ shoulders relaxed a bit, and he held out the bouquet.

“These are for you. Or for the house, I guess. I know it said no gifts but I thought, but if you don’t want anything I - sorry, I know that, but, it’s fine I can just-“

“These are very nice, thank you. I appreciate it.” Enjolras said graciously.

Combeferre grabbed the tote bag full of cell phones and held it open. “Well, confiscation time. Cough ‘em up, fellas.” he said. Courfeyrac took it upon himself to discard of Marius’ phone, but before he did, something on Marius’ screen made him giggle.

“I didn’t know you had a sister, Marius.”

Marius frowned. “Sister? What are you - oh!”

His lock screen was a selfie of a teenage girl, who was making a silly face into the camera. Marius’ eyes widened, and he quickly snatched his phone away to change the picture. “This isn’t my sister,” he explained, laughing nervously. “It’s, she’s this kid I know, my neighbor.” He set his screensaver to the first thing in his camera roll, a picture of a dog wearing rain boots, and tossed the phone into the tote bag.

“Okay!” Enjolras said brightly. “Thanks again for coming, and for the flowers. Have you met everyone yet.”

“Uh, yeah.” Marius said. “I know Joly and Bossuet, I already said hi to him. And Bahorel, is he here?”

“Yes, he’s . . . I don’t know, actually. He’s somewhere.”

“And uh, Grantaire, I know him. Is he here too?”

Enjolras’ face fell a bit. As a matter of fact, Grantaire wasn’t there. Not that it was unlike him to be “fashionably” late (Enjolras hadn’t a clue what was so fashionable about lack of punctuality, but you know.) But, still, Enjolras thought . . . seeing as it was his birthday and all . . .

“Not yet,” Combeferre cut in. “But he will be. Soon.”

Courfeyrac squinted at him. “Right.” he said. “Well, we’ll go and join the fray. Come on, Enjolras, you should come join us. Combeferre’s not allowed to hog you in the kitchen all night.”

“Well, alright.” Enjolras said with a pleased sigh. “Combeferre, you don’t have to stand guard by the phones all night.”

“Agreed. I expect you to join us for karaoke!” Courfeyrac said, dragging Enjolras and Marius into the living room to mingle.

Combeferre eyed his tote bag, which was now fairly heavy. Technically, the no cell phone rule applied to him too, but rules were made to be broken, no? He scrolled through his recent contacts and hit the call button, turning away from the kitchen island so as not to be spotted.

“Hello?”

“Uh, yeah, hello?” Combeferre whispered into the phone. “Where are you?”

“Hello??”

“Hello? Can you hear me?”

“Nah, I’m just fucking with you. You’ve reached Grantaire’s voicemail. My phone is either lost or dead or I just don’t want to pick up, so shoot me a text. If it’s an emergency, call literally anyone else. While you’re here, check out this sick beep.”

There was a beep. Fucker.

Combeferre groaned. He should have known this would happen. He looked at Enjolras, who was laughing at something Feuilly was saying. He was a great friend, Enjolras. Maybe the greatest. He didn’t want gifts or even a fancy party. He just wanted all of his friends under one roof for a night. It wasn’t that much to ask for.

He was going to get what he wanted. Combeferre would see to it.

***

Someone was knocking at the door, and Grantaire was pretty sure he knew who it was, but he opened it anyway. Combeferre was standing arms folded, looking angrier than Grantaire had ever seen him (and Grantaire had seen Combeferre argue about politics.)

“Who buzzed you in?” he asked stupidly.

Combeferre didn’t wait for an invitation, he brushed past Grantaire into the apartment. He looked like he was going to throw a punch. Grantaire almost hoped he would. He was usually better with fists than with words.

“What the fuck?” Combeferre asked. It wasn’t a rhetorical question.

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Say you got hit in the head and you’re suffering from amnesia, because other than that I can not think of a reason you are in this apartment in pajamas right now.”

Grantaire looked up at Combeferre. “I got hit in the head and I’m suffering from amnesia.” he said.

Combeferre wanted to scream. “Come on.” he said, exercising an impressive amount of restraint. “Get your clothes on. Let’s go.”

“Uh, no, I’m not going. I don’t even know why your here, I already texted Enjolras.”

Combeferre stared at him for a beat, then started rummaging through the tote bag he was carrying. Grantaire blinked in confusion.

“Is that everyone’s phones?” he asked.

“Yeah, it’s a screen free party.” Combeferre muttered.

“But you’re here. So nobody at the apartment has a phone. What if there’s an emergency?”

“There won’t be an emergency. Also, Jehan has his phone.” Combeferre had given it to him before he left. He said he was just running out to grab some more drinks, but he was pretty sure Jehan could tell he was lying. He probably should have left the entire bag with Jehan, but he hadn’t been thinking clearly. “Also,” Combeferre added, angrily. “I shouldn’t have had to leave anything with anyone, because you should be at Courfeyrac’s right now.”

Grantaire frowned. Combeferre noticed for the first time how very tired he looked. Very tired, and very unhappy. While he was at it, he also noticed an envelope with Enjolras’ name written in pretty cursive on the coffee table. And an outfit laid carefully out across the couch. Grantaire wasn’t acting his usual self. He seemed . . . more withdrawn. Combeferre always thought of Grantaire as bold and utterly shameless. Maybe this is what it looked like when Grantaire was embarrassed. He went back to looking for Enjolras’ phone.

sorry, can’t make it tonight. wish i could be there, not feeling well. have a blast.

Combeferre read the message aloud. “This is bullshit.” he decided. “I’m deleting this.”

“Oh, you know Enjolras’ password,” Grantaire commented, watching Combeferre. “How sweet.”

“It’s literally 1-2-3-4.” Why did he say that? Now Enjolras would have to change it. Goddamn it.

“Look, I’m actually not feeling well.” Grantaire lied. “So, if you could kindly fuck off? I’d super appreciate it.”

Combeferre looked him up and down. “I think you self sabotage, Grantaire.” he said, earning a mean bark of a laugh from the shorter man.

“Gee thanks. How much do I owe you for this session, doc?”

“Stop, I’m being - I’m trying to be real with you.” Grantaire looked amused by the notion. Combeferre carried on, “Everyone is trying to be friends with you. Why do you insist on making that so difficult?”

“Sorry it’s been such a pain in the ass, I truly am.” Grantaire said, rolling his eyes petulantly. “Look, we all know what kind of friend I am. I’m good for carousing and not much else. It’s no trouble, after all, everyone needs a good drinking buddy, and I am happy to oblige. But this shit? Dinner parties - sorry, not party, thing. And, and, folding laundry together and going for picnics in the park and Saturday brunch or whatever the fuck? That’s not me. Sorry. I really wish it was but, you know. ‘To thine own self be true’ and all that.”

Combeferre folded his arms across his chest. He knew what he needed to ask, but he really, really didn’t want to. Combeferre was a polite person, but what good is politeness if you can’t extend it to people that aren’t always easy to be around? Kind and good, that’s what he tried to be. But maybe he’d find out that he wasn’t kind or good, not really. Not when it counted.

“Grantaire, did I do something to you?”

Grantaire seemed taken aback. “What?”

Combeferre really didn’t want to ask again. “Did I, you know. Is there something I did? Or, I don’t know, do? I just . . . why don’t you like me?”

There was a silence. Grantaire looked at Combeferre, his face twisted in anxiety. This could not be happening.

“Combeferre.” he said slowly. “I don’t dislike you.”

“It’s okay, I shouldn’t have even - but like. You do hang out with the others. Like I know I’m not always down for whatever, but you’re friends with everyone. You’re friends with fucking Marius Pontmercy, who I literally forgot existed until this week. So I know you like all them, obviously you’re friends with Joly and Bossuet, and you go out with Bahorel and Courfeyrac a lot, and you’re always talking to Feuilly and Jehan about whatever, and obviously you like Enjolras so it’s just me, then. I feel like maybe I did something to you but I don’t know what it was or what it is and I don’t know how to fix it? Or apologize? I don’t know, I know we don’t all have to be friends, like I’m not forcing you to be my friend or anything, but I don’t know. I’d like to be.”

Grantaire frowned. “I hate when you do that.” he said, which is not exactly the response Combeferre was hoping for. His heart sunk.

“Do what?”

“Say stuff about Enjolras like that. Like wink-wink nudge-nudge, obviously you like him and oh my god he totally wanted you here. Like I get it, but you don’t have to make fun.” Grantaire’s eyes were fixed on the ground. His pajama pants didn’t have pockets to shove his hands into, so instead they were sort of nervously pulling at the drawstring.

Combeferre didn’t know what to say. He felt absolutely terrible. “I didn’t - I’m sorry. I never meant to make fun. I just meant that I know you guys have like, you know. You have a different relationship than the rest of us, I guess.”

“Fuck off.” Grantaire said, but it came out quiet and unsure of itself.

“Look, I’m only here because I want Enjolras to have a good birthday. I know my best friend, and I know that he will have a great time and be grateful for everyone who came whether you’re there or not.”

“Okay.” Grantaire said, meeting Combeferre’s eyes at last.

“But I also know that he’s going to be thinking all night about why you didn’t show, and he’s going to bring it up for the next month in the way he does whenever he brings you up as if he’s just casually curious even though he’s a terrible actor. And honestly? Maybe it’s selfish, but I don’t want to have to deal with all that. Which is why I’m here to bring you to the party.”

“I didn’t know you had a selfish bone in your body.” Grantaire laughed, almost sounding impressed.

“Well, I’m only human.”

“It doesn’t seem like that, sometimes.” Grantaire said. “You three. You seem like something else entirely. Demigods, maybe. Something out of a book.”

“Well, we’re not. We’re people. Get your clothes on, please.”

Maybe for the first time in all of their years of acquaintance, Grantaire nodded and quietly obliged.

***

“Well, look what the cat dragged in.” Bahorel said, more fond than annoyed. Everyone in the apartment greeted Grantaire with a cheer. He gave a sheepish grin in return.

“You know me. I never miss a party.” he said.

Courfeyrac intercepted Combeferre at the door. “I was wondering where you went.” he said, grinning from ear to ear. “Excellent work.”

“Well, you know. It’s his birthday.”

“Speak of the devil.”

Enjolras had made his way from across the apartment to say hello. He looked more beautiful than Grantaire had ever seen him, his golden hair tucked behind his ears, which were blushing pink. Not that this meant much - every time Grantaire looked at Enjolras he seemed more beautiful than the last.

“Glad you could make it.” he said, and he meant it.

“Better late than never, right?” Grantaire joked, but with much more gentleness and much less bravado than he jokes with any of the others. Enjolras usually had this effect on him. “You look nice.”

“Thank you.” Enjolras smiled, and his teeth were so white it was unfair and his eyes were so bright Grantaire could probably sue for damage to his retinas. He pulled an envelope out of his pocket.

“This is, uh, it’s for you. I know it said no gifts but in my opinion that’s bullshit, so. Here.”

“Thank you.” Enjolras said again. “Can I open it now?”

“It’s your present, so. It’s not much, just a gift card.”

Enjolras tore open the envelope. He looked at the contents curiously. Grantaire felt himself starting to sweat.

“What’s Claire’s?” Enjolras asked.

“The fuck?” Grantaire said, grabbing the gift card. Jesus Christ. “I meant to get a regular one, fuck me. Uh, I’m pretty sure Claire’s is a children’s jewelry store. You could get a phone case. Or pierce your ears, that could be fun! I think I have a receipt at home somewhere, I’ll get it to you and you can get an actual gift card. Sorry about that.”

“It’s fine.” Enjolras said, beaming. “Thank you.”

“No, uh, thanks for the invite.”

A phone started ringing from inside of Combeferre’s bag. He fished around for a while before finding the culprit. A familiar looking girl’s contact image lit up the screen.

“Marius, it’s your sister.”

Marius’ eyes went wide, and he rushed to grab his phone. “She’s not my sister. Hello?” he said into the speaker, his face contorting into an indecipherable expression before running into the bathroom to take his call. Combeferre couldn’t help but roll his eyes, which Grantaire noticed with a giggle. Courfeyrac had somehow made his way to the top of a stool, and he was clanging a fork to his glass.

“Everyone! Eyes up here! So, who’s ready for a game?!”

[thanksjro]

Dark Cybertron Chapter 3: This One’s All About Skywarp. Honest!

It’s a beautiful day during Cybertron’s apocalypse, and Starscream is talking to a corpse to work through his emotions. He goes through a very brief rundown of what happened last issue, I guess because Swerve’s too busy being in space to do the Story So Far, and caps it off with an apology to Metalhawk over killing him. Rattrap watches this go down in the background, because this is Skywarp’s toy tie-in issue.

After this very incriminating conversation, Starscream goes out to see to the massive crowd standing outside, including Scoops’ little Targetmaster buddies.

I don’t care for that man’s beard.

Starscream promises to go talk to the Titan, though he really doesn’t want to, and Rattrap catches up to him to touch base. The two of them go to see Megatron, who’s still trapped in the forcefield hamster ball Wheeljack stuffed inside his chest back in RID. Starscream teases Rattrap about trying to be conniving, comparing it to his own endeavors as the Decepticon SIC, and offers a bit of advice.

Implying that Starscream hasn’t been flying by the seat of his proverbial pants since he became a main character in Phase Two.

Starscream, having met his daily quota of rubbing his success in Megatron’s face, goes off to see what he can do about this Titan situation.

Over at the Titan itself, the Autobots and Decepticons are duking it out, with the man of the hour gracing us with his presence.

Outstanding, you funky little robot.

Arcee tries a little banter, but it falls flat, and instead she just decides to sword fight a cat. Bumblebee asks Soundwave just what the hell he thinks he’s doing, and Soundwave gives a complete non-answer in the form of Decepticon propaganda, because anything else would make things too easy. This is where Starscream shows up and has his little chat with the Titan.

Back over in prison, Rattrap’s getting the skinny on the dark prophecy Scoop introduced into the narrative last issue. Rattrap wants to know just how this information got passed around so well outside of jail, and Scoop suggests that there are people who perhaps have a vetted interest in what may or may not be happening with Starscream. Then Rattrap makes it weird by A) not being terribly concerned about the potential end of the world and B) being impressed by the idea that Starscream somehow planned said end of the world.

This Skywarp issue is really good.

Over with the Lost Light, Ultra Magnus has taken command, and the lads are about to make the quantum jump to chase after Jhiaxus. But wait! Something’s off! The ship’s moving in a way that it shouldn’t be! Very odd, that. Brainstorm calls with answers, asking Magnus to grab Getaway, for some friggin’ reason, and head down to the shuttle bay.

Getaway asks Magnus how it feels to be big man on campus, and Magnus seems to think it’s a bit overrated.

Wow, someone needs to go talk to Xaaron about maybe thinking through his debate topics before he posts them, so he doesn’t get pegged as a space racist. The Universal Killswitch happened, like, last week, my dude.

The two of them get to the shuttle bay to discover that Metroplex’s thumb- which they picked up back in Spotlight: Trailcutter- is floating, and more or less pushing the Lost Light off-course. Getaway is pretty jazzed to see this thing on the ship, sort of missing the bigger picture. Brainstorm hypothesizes that Metroplex is using his severed thumb to guide the Lost Light to him.

Not sure why Getaway needed to be here for this.

Back on Cybertron, Everyone watches as Starscream flies up to the Titan. Arcee is ready to blast him out of the sky with a gun as big as she is, but Bumblebee wants to see where this goes. This pisses Prowl the hell off, and he starts yelling, but Bumblebee tells him to shut up. Bumblebee tells a lot of people to shut up in “Dark Cybertron”.

So we’ve got a team-up going on between the Autobots and the Decepticons- Bumblebee says it isn’t, but it pretty much is. Soundwave and Prowl get into a bit of a scuff, as Starscream lands and asks the Titan to chat.

Yeah, that doesn’t really work out too well.

Starscream manages to escape the Titan death blast in his alt, as the poor bastards on the ground below begin to dissolve into black fizz.

But Skywarp’s okay, so it can’t be all bad!

Yeeeeah, Skywarp.

Prowl starts yelling at Bumblebee again, as if he can’t see that the friggin’ death wave the Titan shot out of its face is still heading for Iacon, Starscream just barely managing to stay ahead of it. He lands as it hits, screaming about how Cybertron is his and he’s not gonna let some murder energy to steal his thunder, bracing his arms out as if that’ll do anything. Everyone watching him do this has about the expression you’d expect from witnessing such madness.

As the Iaconian populace gets dusted, someone else wakes up from the dead. It’s Metalhawk, and it’s time for him to become a tool of the narrative.

Metalhawk launches into the air and lands on top of Starscream, interrupting his personal diatribe to gripe about how he killed him. Still, there are bigger fish to fry, as he kicks Starscream through a wall and walks into the room where they keep Megatron.

Metalhawk releases Megatron from his hamster ball prison and carries him away, despite Starscream maybe insinuating that Megatron is dead somehow? It’s not super clear. Anyway, Metalhawk must do some pretty intense arm exercises, because he carries Megatron out and shoots into the air, holding him one-handed to his side.

Eat your veggies, kids, and you too can kidnap an entire warlord.

As the city falls apart, Rattrap and Scoop enter the scene, the prison likely having collapsed in the aftershocks of the death wave. Good thing they’re giant robots who can’t be killed by mere crushing damage. Rattrap tries to connive, but Scoop is more concerned with the fact that many people are dying, because he’s a somewhat decent person. Some of these people have begun to turn on Starscream, who takes it about as well be you’d expect.

Back on the Lost Light, the lads have decided to go find Metroplex, and to hell with bringing Jhiaxus to justice. At least for now. Of course, Ratchet tries to argue that they should do what Orion wanted them to do, but Orion isn’t here right now, is he? And Orion isn’t the space pope at this present time, now is he? So yeah. Metroplex time. They quantum jump, ending up underwater, with said water swarming with robots. That might be an issue, especially since they don’t seem to be terribly friendly.

Back in the Crystal City with Shockwave, Metalhawk’s dropped off the package, and Shockwave reminds us that he installed a space bridge in Megatron’s torso. Scientists sure do like to shove random bullshit into Megatron’s torso.

Hey.

Let’s talk about the NAILs for a second.

This is Tappet. I’ve been calling him Hat Guy up until this point, but his name is Tappet.

Everything Tappet done in the last 20+ issues of RID can be explained without him being the subject of the sentence:

The Decepticons kicked Tappet’s ass. Prowl sent Tappet to prison. Metalhawk bailed Tappet out of prison. Metalhawk brought Sky-Byte to the trashcan fire to talk to Tappet and some other neutrals. Starscream takes off his top as Tappet watches.

The point I’m trying to make here is that Tappet doesn’t actually do anything. None of the NAILs actually do anything, other than die and fill out crowd shots. Sometimes they bitch about the current situation, but even then, a lot of the time, those more vocal NAILs were actually involved in the war at some point.

This is an issue, because we’ve been presented with this entirely new group that’s in direct opposition of the war caused by every character we’d met prior to The Death of Optimus Prime.

And they have zero agency within the story. Shit just happens around them and they react. In fact, one of the major point points of RID is whether or not the Autobots should let the NAILs have agency within the very government that rules them, and it is such a point of contention that it takes literal in-story months and several disasters for them to reach a consensus. A decision that barely involves input from Metalhawk, the guy who is a NAIL, and is meant to be their advocate. Metalhawk, who is supposed to be on the same level as Bumblebee in terms of sway in the narrative.

At first, he did- he was the subtly conniving bastard who would trip Bumblebee up in front of others to make him look bad, and then deny anything of the sort happened if questioned. It was an interesting dynamic with a character that was new to the continuity. Metalhawk was interesting.

Then Starscream got involved, and Metalhawk’s role was reduced to yes-man and character motivation to both of them, because conniving is Starscream’s thing, and obviously we can’t have two bastards gang up on poor, sweet lil’ Bumblebee.

Who had a remote control that could blow up people’s heads if they pissed him off.

You remember when Bumblebee was the kid appeal character? Because I do.

The point is, the NAILs exist, but their existence isn’t justified within the story. They’re set-dressing, not characters. And now Metalhawk in particular is a prop for Shockwave, and somehow I doubt the other guys are going to be doing a hell of a lot in this story.

I dunno, it just seems like a bit of a waste.

Anyway, Skywarp sure was present in his toy tie-in issue, huh? Remember when he did that thing? And the stuff? Ah man, that was so cool!

Yeah, someone probably crossed their I’s and dotted their T’s on this one, because I’m pretty friggin’ sure this wasn’t meant to be his, even if the exclusive cover says otherwise.

[jokerfan99]

Slideshows (RWBY/RVB) by Necroceph

*RVB Opening Theme*

Inside the Blue base, Mess Hall

Gary: It wasn't my fault. I only help, Wyoming kidnapped the alien. Tucker: Junior! His name is Junior, asshole! Church: Not your fault, huh? What about that time when you tried to blow me into pieces, you lying jackass! Gary: Knock knock. Caboose: Who's there? Gary: You are all dirty dirty Shisnos. Ha Ha Ha. Caboose: You're mean!

The atmosphere in the mess hall is filled with insults and anger, both from the Blues and Gary. They traded words like ' Dirty Shisno' and 'Backstabbbing AI' at one another. Church said this is supposed to be an interrogation but look at the results on the reunion of two enemies. Weiss and Blake can see the whole situation and think that: "Yep they know each other." They turned away and continued to where their conversation had left off.

Blake: So, Ruby and Yang, are here in this canyon? Weiss: Yes. Blake: And they're still not happy to see you. Weiss: Sigh. Yes and... Blake: Wait don't tell me. They attacked when they saw you. Weiss: Well, Ruby didn't attack me and I was the first to punched her. But Yang, she almost tried to tear my head off if it wasn't for, Caboose! None of this wouldn't have happened, we would... Blake: Weiss, you don't have to remind me about it. Look you can't just keep hating each other forever. The past is the past. How about just give yourselves a chance to talk with each other and settle aside your differences. Weiss: Except that won't work like how you did with, Sun. The last time we met was when Ruby tried to hit me with a drip stand. Anyways, why are you doing here exactly? Another Xenotarian aid assignment? Blake: Before that, yeah. The ship I was in was flying was running out so I had to stop by here to fuel up. I found a base but the inhabitants there are... Weiss: Let me guess, they're all dead. Well we're in a war, after all. What did you expect? Blake: War? Weiss: Oh right, you may not have heard about this. We're currently at war with the Red army. Not sure why they're called that but I've been told they're a bunch of arrogant Insurgents that needed some discipline. Atlas sent me to aid the Blue Army as a support. Blake: And the Blue army are? Weiss: They're an independent military force from a neighboring colony. According to Atlas intelligence, they got a huge disagreement with the Reds to decide which property they own. Blake: That seems understandable. But I taught you can't enter the Atlesian Army after you... Weiss:... Blake: Sorry to bring that up. Weiss: None taken. Nah I still couldn't. But out of the blue, they decided to give me another chance by performing an assignment. If I transfer myself to another army, live through it and won the war, I can finally get into the Atlesian army like I wanted to! Plain and simple. Blake: Really? Wow, that's something I've never heard, Atlas would do. It's a very good second chance for you. Though I've never of any war in this sector. Weiss: Hmm, maybe the White Paw forgot to update about it. Church: Ahem!

Blake and Weiss turned to Church.

Church: Will you two shut up? We're interrogating here. Blake: Is he always like that? Weiss: Oh don't mind him. He's always a jerk. He's name Church. "Leader" of the Blood Gulch Outpost Alpha. If you ask me, he's the most incompetent team leader in this base with a hair trigger temper. Still waiting for Command to accept my request to becoming leader. The dark blue one's, Caboose or Michael if the name's too weird for you. He's lacking some brain cells. Probably from a bullet to the head, but he's alright when he gets the job done. The bright yellow is Kaikaina. Now keep your distance from her, she's a disgrace to women everywhere. The only thing she talks about is having sex. But not as worst as the aqua guy named... Tucker: 'Sup. Weiss: Sigh, Tucker.

Tucker approached the two, with his eyes fixated to Blake since the time she arrived here. She looks like the type whom he can hooked up her with her easily. He delivers his signature one-liner.

Tucker: Hey, baby. Never met one with cat-ears before. Maybe you can hear the cry of nature through them asking you to... Blake: I'm married and have two children back at home, thank you very much. Tucker: Fuck... do you still wanna hang out? Church: Alright, Gary, enough with the insults. Let's cut to the chase. First off, how did you survive the blast and more importantly, where's Tex? Gary: I would  tell you, once Caboose stops attempting to punch me. Caboose: Take that! And that! And that!

Caboose's fists passed through, Gary's holographic body to no effect at all.

Church: Stop it, dumbass. Caboose: Okay. Church: Now will you explain? Starting from the time when Andy blew up. Gary: As you wish. Luckily I've prepared a small presentation designed to easily explain my creators to what had transpired from the base I was in. Caboose: Oh give me three minutes, I'll get the popcorn. Kaikaina: Wait, we have popcorn? Tucker: Of course we do. It's popcorn, not a strip club. Kaikaina: Sigh. Someday.

Three minutes later and Caboose returns with the bowl of popcorn.

Blake: I only got here and met these people an hour ago, and I don't understand what's going on. Weiss: Me too. Hey Church.  Would you mind telling us the whole story here? Church: It worked with a guy named, Wyoming and tried to kidnapped Junior. That's all. Weiss: Gee, you're helpful. Caboose: Don't worry, I'll tell you the story. Weiss: Thank you, Caboose. Gary: As you all already know, I am the one who tricked you all into thinking that I'm a computer intelligence made a dead alien race which never existed and in reality worked with Wyoming to use the alien to manipulate his race as a savior and win the war. Church: Duh, who else doesn't remember that? Blake: Uhm... Weiss: Ahem. Church: Oh except for these two.

Gary creates a holographic screen big enough for the Blues to see. There's a title at the left upper corner which reads: "My Story: A PowerPoint Journey". The first slide he showed is a crudely drawn scene as if it was made by a three year old kid in his first attempt on Microsoft Paint. This made some of the Blues to laugh, Caboose makes better art than this! It depicts what looks like the pelican flying toward a base with an unknown trifoil logo on it. The Blues have never seen it, but Blake has. It was the same design she saw from the base she landed at.

Gary: Moments after, Andy exploded. The ship veered off course and coincidently crash landed on the Project Freelancer Operational Command Center. Kaikaina: Project Freelancer? Tucker: Aw crap... there's a base full of those fuckers?! Gary: Yes. Church: What about, Tex is she alright? Gary: She was dead when it crashed. Church: Sigh... crap.

The second slide shows Tex lying on the ground with a black box written with the words... well... "Black Box" on it.

Gary: The staff managed to recover Tex's corpse and the black box containing Sheila, Omega and me. They stored us inside containment before the Director decides what to do with us. Church: Director? Who's that? Gary: He is in charged with Project Freelancer.

The third slide shows, white armored soldiers running for their live as something, what looks like a generator,  behind them gets blown up or catches fire. Drawing's aren't so detail don't blame me.

Gary: Few days after the crash, one of the base's generators overheated, causing a chain reaction that freed me and Omega. No one knows how it happened but it is suggested that this wasn't a coincidence.

The fourth shows one of the soldiers laughing evilly over his dead comrade as the base behind him was on fire.

Gary: After we were freed, Omega started possessing the staff and killed them off, one by one, until Utah was left alive. I hid within one of the computers to hide from the chaos. For days I've waited for rescue until I met Blake. Does that answer your question?

Everyone are silent by Gary's story. Some don't believe him since his a liar, others were wondering whether he's really telling the truth. But the one thing that they all agree, is that Omega is back and is now somewhere on this planet wrecking havoc. Weiss and Blake, on the other hand, was not getting any sense of this.

Weiss:... Caboose: I like the last part. Kaikaina: O'Malley's back. That's bad right? Church: OF COURSE IT'S BAD! Weiss: O'Malley? Caboose: Oh that's what we call, Omega. The angry AI that tried to kill all of us. Blake: Wait a minute, you lied about being the base's computer system? Gary: Surprise, dirty shisno. Ha Ha Ha. Tucker: We told you he's a liar. So, where's O'Malley now and don't try lying this time! I'll tear of that AI chip from that armor and smash it with a hammer! Gary: Okay okay. I do not know where he is. I haven't seen him after the killing subsided. Church: Shit. Then he could be anywhere and inside any person on this planet. Tucker: But what of that 'Project Freelancer' stuff? Sounds like a military experiment. Church: I think he's referring to that classified military experiment, Tex took part in. The one where they implanted O'Malley into her armor. Weiss: AI implantation? I heard about that back at the Academy but it's very risky. What's a research like that doing on this war torn planet? Unless... this war is perfect place to run a military experiment. Church: That sounds like a plausible theory. But let's get to that later. For all we know, O'Malley's loose out there and his probably planning to take revenge on us. And the worst part, we don't know where he is. Caboose: Maybe we can ask the white guy the cat lady brought. Tucker: Hey good idea! He was from the base and probably the last person to saw O'Malley. . So where is he now? Blake: I had to lock him up in your base's janitor's closet. Tucker: The janitor's closet? Uhh... did you notice anything... off? Blake: No, just dirty mops. Tucker: Phew! Church: You disgust me, man. Well at least we got a lead. Blake: I'd advice you guys to be cautious. He's not mentally stable right now. Church: Thanks for the advice, lady. Tucker, Kai. Come with me. Kaikaina: I'll be the bad cop. Church: And NO strip teasing! Kaikaina: Pfft, asshole. Church: Caboose, Weiss. Take good care of our guest and keep an eye on, Gary, will ya? Caboose: Can I burrow your eye? Church: No.

Church, Tucker and Kai leaves the room.

Blake: I can't believe you just lied to me. Why would you do that after I found you? Gary: Well I didn't want to stay there forever so I had to use you. Blake: And that part of you going offline was a lie too? Gary: What? No. That was not originally part of the plan. I almost died if you hadn't removed me. Weiss: This is what I hate about military AIs. They're too human like to be controlled. Blake: I taught at one point you were interested in Dr. Catherine Halsey's theory of AI flash cloning? Weiss: Heh, true. But that's because Cortana was modeled after a human brain. So, Caboose. Now can you tell us what exactly transpired here before we both came? Just tell us the whole story. Caboose: Yay, storytime! This is going to fun. So you see, it started with me arriving at Blood Gulch and this tank lady named, Sheila...

Thirty minutes of the Blood Gulch Chronicles

Caboose:... and I said, "I meant why are we up here in the sun, when we could be standing down there in the shade". And then we stand under shade. The End! Weiss:... Blake:... Weiss:... This might take some time for me to process. Blake: Definitely. Though I kinda like this Doc. He's a very nice guy despite being possessed by a raging computer program.

Clearer Version: https://www.deviantart.com/necroceph/art/Slideshows-RWBY-RVB-860686887

Deviantart: https://www.deviantart.com/necroceph

[lookimtryingmybest]

“How to accidentally die, meet a shady ghost and become a half demon” A story by Logan Freud.

Part 1 Part 2

It was a quiet Sunday morning. Logan had left a note for his parents on the kitchen counter, grabbed his keys, and left the house. He played some music in his headphones as he made his way to the location where he had agreed to meet the others. The street noise was something he’d rather not deal with this early in the morning.

He knew the way. He knew which crossroads were dangerous. He knew to be more aware of his surroundings. Logan wasn’t going to be completely deaf to the world. He knew what he was doing.

Logan spotted Virgil on the meeting point, just across the street. Early as always, he noted.

He was going to cross safely. He swore to himself over and over that he was going to do it. Wait for the speeding cars to pass and then cross. 

But he couldn’t ignore the kid he spotted, standing in the middle of the road. 

Without thinking twice, something Logan didn’t have the tendency to do, he started running. He moved to grab the kid’s arm and pull him away.

He passed right through him.

The kid stared at him, and Logan stared back.

“You can see me?” The kid asked.

And before Logan could respond, he got hit by a car.

Virgil cursed when he saw Logan run and just stop. In the middle of the road. 

He screamed when he got hit.

He doesn’t remember much of what happened later. His legs moved for him, and someone called an ambulance.

The ambulance wasn’t fast enough.

Virgil’s memories started becoming more vivid after his parents got him home. He explained that they just wanted to meet and go have fun in the park. They just wanted to enjoy the swings and the slide without being looked at weird by the little kid’s mothers.

He stayed in his room for the rest of the day. His friends called. He ignored every one of those calls. 

His mind kept repeating the accident. How Logan ran. 

He never thought Logan could do something so careless. So stupid.

Virgil curled up in his bed, buried under blankets. He didn’t try to stop the tears.

“What the fuck has just happened.” Logan said, as he opened his eyes again. He remembered a kid, with golden eyes, and being on the road. Then everything became blurry. He thought he might’ve heard Virgil screaming over twenty one pilots’s ride. 

He looked around him. He was standing up. And dressed up in a suit. How did he wake up this way?

He saw Virgil from a distance, along their mutual friends. Logan smiled. 

He ran to them.

“Virgil!” He shouted. Virgil didn’t react. “Virgil?” 

Logan moved to grab his shoulder. He passed through him. He tried again. “Virgil? Virgil, listen to me!” He kept trying to grab him, failing.

He turned to the others. Patton was holding back tears, as he held Remus’s hand. Remus was a mess, not even trying to hold back on his sobbing. Roman kept drying away his own tears, smudging his eyeliner beyond recognition. 

“Guys?” Logan said, trying to get their attention. “Remus? Patton?” He tried to grab them. He passed through them. “Roman?”

He turned again, trying to understand what they were so upset about.

Oh. That made sense.

Logan saw himself, wearing the same tux he was wearing now, laid down in a coffin. Lilacs on his hands. Lilacs were always his favourites.

He gulped. No, this couldn’t be real, right? He couldn’t be dead, he was still here. He just needed for the others to see him.

Logan didn’t believe in ghosts.

Oh, the irony, he thought, once he had calmed down. After the funeral, his funeral, ended, not knowing which of his friends to follow. 

Something on the back of his mind told him to follow Virgil. And so he did.

Virgil’s house was old. Very old. Remus liked to joke it was haunted. It was a running gag now, Virgil had even made up Dennis, the ghost that lived in his house and that liked pushing his stuff to the ground like a bastard cat.

That joke didn’t seem so funny now to Logan.

He followed Virgil to his room and watched him burry himself in homework as a distraction. Logan could hear the music blasting from the headphones.

He looked around his room, not knowing what to do. He tried touching things. Anything. Nothing worked.

Logan looked around the house. He saw Virgil’s parents. They were talking. Logan decided it wasn’t his business. 

He went to the living room. 

And there was the kid from before, watching the TV.

Logan stared at the kid. They should be around his age, probably younger. He was dressed in dirty pajamas, no shoes on. His hair was a mess of brown curls and his skin was dark.

The kid turned to face him, and Logan saw the other half of his face.

He screamed. 

The kid jumped to his feet, startled by Logan’s presence. 

“Virgil, did you leave the TV on again?” Virgil’s father asked, entering the room. Both ghosts watched him as he turned off the TV and left.

Then they went back to staring at each other.

“Aw, man, I was watching that…” The kid complained, turning to the TV. He avoided Logan’s gaze. 

“What happened to your face?” Logan asked, trying not to look to half part of the kid’s face.

The kid grimaced. “Rude.” He said, sitting on the carpet again. “Why are you still here?”

“My apologies.” Logan said. He considered sitting next to the kid. “I was simply… surprised.” 

The kid scoffed. “You mean disgusted? Yeah, I get that a lot. Why are you still here?”

“What do you mean?” Logan said, sitting next to the kid. The kid moved away from him. 

“Move on, continue your business, however you wish to call it.” He said. “Why haven’t you done that already?”

“I can do that?” Logan asked.

“Yes.” The kid said. “Everyone does so. So just do it and leave me alone.”

Logan stared at the kid. He tried to do what he was doing. Move on. But he didn’t know how to do that. 

“I’m afraid I can’t.” Logan said. “Who are you?”

The kid turned to face him again, frowning. Logan made an effort not to stare at the burned flesh. “What do you mean you can’t? Everyone can!” He said, gesturing widely. 

“Well, if everyone can, why haven’t you moved on?” Logan asked.

The kid dropped his arms, staring at nothing for a few moments. “Almost everyone can. I can’t.” 

“Well, then, I suppose I’m in the same situation as you.” Logan said. He held out his hand for the kid. “I’m Logan Freud. And you?”

The kid stared at his hand before shaking it. Logan noticed how his hands were dirty with blood and ashes. “Janus.” He said. “Although Virgil calls me Dennis. He got the idea of that weird show about vampires. I really like that show.” 

“Buffy the vampire slayer, yes, I know that sho–wait you’re who?” Logan said.

“Janus. Yeah, I’ve been bothering Virgil for a while now. He’s fun to mess with.” He said, trying to sound causal. He failed, being far too awkward for this. 

“Oh my fucking god.” Logan said. “I thought you were a joke”

“Yeah, Virgil thinks so too.” Janus said, scratching the burn tissue on his hands, avoiding Logan’s gaze.

“I’ve laughed at the mere idea of you existing.” Logan said.

“Yeah, I know.” Janus said, getting tired of the topic. “I was there.”

“I… god, fuck…” Logan said, laughing. He didn’t even know why he was laughing. “I’m dead. Fuck, I’m dead.”

“Yep.” Janus said. “Welcome to the club.” He stood up. “Imma leave ya to your existential crisis and go bother Virgil.” 

Logan stared at the TV, as he heard Janus left. He stood up after a few moments. 

He didn’t notice he was heading to his home until he passed through the door. He heard their parents talking in the kitchen.

Logan couldn’t decipher what his parents were saying. He heard the words, but he couldn’t just figure them out. 

His parents weren’t crying. They weren’t grieving.

They didn’t care. 

Logan went back to the living room. He traced his fingers through his old piano. He should’ve played it more often when he was alive. It’s not like he loved doing so, but it was a good de-stressing method.

He pressed his hands against the keys. He jumped back when sound came out. After a few seconds of staring at the piano, he tried to grab the pillows on the sofa. Nothing. He passed through them.

He hesitated before placing his hands against the keys. He started playing a melody he knew from back when he was five.

He stopped when his mother entered the room, looking paler than usually. Logan moved away from the piano, smiling. 

“Mom, I–” He dropped his smile when his mother walked straight through him. 

He watched her close the piano’s lid and push the stall under it. She didn’t even bother putting the protective cloth on the keys before slamming the lid close.

Logan bit back tears as he tried to get the lid to open. It didn’t. He screamed in frustration and tried to hit something. He just kept passing through the furniture, which didn’t help calming him down.

He crumbled to the ground, hugging his knees. He let the tears ran down.

He was dead, he no longer cared. 

No one could see him. 

Not even his parents cared.

Roman had thrown himself into sewing. He grabbed his latest project right after breakfast and spent hours on it. 

He didn’t notice how thirsty he was until Remus forced him to go eat lunch. He almost didn’t believe how much time he’d spent focused on his dress. His hands hurt.

Remus didn’t look better either. He had stayed in bed until three o’clock, ignoring Roman. And the world. He hadn’t even bothered changing clothes since the funeral. 

They sat at the kitchen, as Remus forced his twin to eat some fruit. 

“Logan’s parents called” Remus said, peeling an orange with numb fingers. “They’re leaving for the month.”

“Oh.” Roman said, watching Remus struggle with the peel. He’d usually bit into the orange like an apple and spit out the peel later. “Ok.” 

“They’re asking us to watch over the house while they’re gone.” Remus said leaving the peeled orange on the counter. He wasn’t hungry anyways.

“Ok” Roman said again. “Jerk move. But ok.” He gulped down his chocolate milk. “You should eat as well.”

“I know.” Remus said. “I will.” He took the orange and contemplated it.

“Are they asking us to go inside?” Roman asked, watching his brother munch on the orange as if it was an apple, juice dripping down his arm. 

“Yeah.” Remus said, his mouth full. “Once per day, to check for squatters.”

“As if people were dumb enough for choosing an obviously occupied house.” Roman said, bitterness slipping into his tongue. He had never liked Logan’s parents much. “Let’s get this over with for today.” He stood up, leaving his mug on the sink. “I want to finish the dress today.”

“You said it would take you a few weeks to finish…” Remus said, following him. Orange juice dripped to the floor. None of the twins mentioned it.

“Did I fucking stutter?” Roman asked. 

Remus just shrugged. “They left the keys under the doormat.”

“Stupid decision.” Roman pointed out. Remus hummed in agreement.

Roman contemplated the option of changing clothes. The pajamas were comfortable, though, and he wanted to get this over with as fast as he could. Get into the house, check the rooms and go back to sewing until his hands fell off.

Remus opened the door and clicked the lights on. Neither of the twins made any attempts to move inside the house. 

Roman grimaced. “Let’s get this over with.” He said, brushing his brother as he entered. 

They passed through the kitchen, the living room and Logan’s parents’s room. 

If Remus noticed how Roman purposely ignored Logan’s room, he didn’t dare to mention it.

Remus looked at the old piano. It was closed. Logan hated it when people closed his piano.

Without thinking twice, he opens the lid and brushed his fingers against the keys.

He jumped away, falling to the ground, when the piano played on its own.

He heard Roman approaching. 

“Remus, stop playing the piano, we have to–” He stopped, staring at Remus in the ground. He blinked twice before looking at the piano, that kept playing.

Then he fainted.

Remus felt like screaming. Instead, he crawled to his side, trying to ignore the piano as it kept playing. He poked his brother in the face. 

“Please don’t be dead.” He said, barely above a whisper. “Roman, please, don’t be dead.”

The piano music stopped. Remus felt a breeze pass through, sending shivers through his body. 

Then Roman opened his eyes, and stared at the ceiling. 

“Remus, what the fuck?” He said, sitting up. He rubbed the back of his head, feeling a numb headache coming.

“Ah, thanks, I thought you just died.” Remus said, trying to smile. 

“What has just happened?” He asked, getting up.

Remus looked at the piano and then at Roman. 

“Bold of you to assume I have any idea.” He said. “The piano is automatic, or something.”

A chord interrupted him.

“Never mind, it’s haunted.” Remus said, smiling nervously. “Let’s fucking leave.”

“Wait.” Roman said. He approached the piano. “Ok, eh… can you hear us?”

“What are you doing?” Remus said. “It’s a piano it can’t respond you, let’s just fucking lea–”

A single note interrupted him. A ti. 

“Ok, B. What does a B mean?” Roman said.

“Why are you asking questions to a piano?!” Remus said. He was starting to lose his composure. “Roman, please let’s just go home, I’m seriously freaking out.”

“B meant ti, right?” Roman said, ignoring his brother’s panic. “In like, the British English?”

“Yes, Roman, B means ti or si.” Remus said. “Congratulations, you remember music lessons, can we now go away?”

“Si. Sí. Yes. He’s saying yes.” Roman said. The piano played a few other tis, as if it wanted to confirm it. 

Remus ran his hands through his hair. “It’s a piano! Not a person!” He said, voice filled with desperation. “Please, Roman, I really need to leave.”

“You leave.” Roman said. “I’m going to…” He sighted, looking at the piano. “I’m going to talk to Logan.”

“You what?” Remus exclaimed. “Are you out of your mind? That’s not Logan!” He gestured to the piano like a maniac. “It’s a piano!”

“His piano.” Roman said. “He could be playing it.”

“He’s not. Logan’s dead, there’s no way.” Remus said. His voice cracked. “There’s no way. He’s dead.”

Roman looked down, guilt pooling in his stomach. He inhaled deeply before turning to the piano. “Are you Logan?” 

A ti note played again.

“Roman, quit it, it’s not funny” Remus pleaded.

“Ok, Do for no, ti for yes.” Roman continued, trying to ignore the tears that went down Remus’s face. “If you are Logan, did you like peaches?” 

A do. Logan hated peaches. 

“It’s not Logan, it’s just tricking us.” Remus said, drying his tears. “I’m leaving. Stay with the damn piano all you want.” 

“Wait.” Roman said, reaching out to grab Remus arm. “Please?”

Remus hesitated, before pulling his arm from Roman’s grip.

“You have one more question.” He said. “Choose wisely.”

Roman sighted. He turned to the piano again. “If you really are Logan, play Remus’s favourite song. You know the one.”

There was silence for a few seconds. Remus scoffed, turning away.

Then Pop goes the Weasel started playing. And Remus froze, not knowing what to do.

“Ok…” He said. “Ok, stop!” He snapped, and the melody stopped. 

“…Remus?” Roman asked, reaching out to him.

“We need a notebook.” Remus said. “I have an idea.”

Logan watched Remus and Roman leave his house. He stared at the half eaten orange that had been abandoned in the floor. Gross.

He stayed by the piano, playing soft tunes. He hadn’t meant to scare anyone, he just wanted to talk to his friends. He didn’t want to make Remus cry ever again.

He stopped playing when the main door opened again. How long had he been playing?

The Twins rushed into the living room. Remus was holding a stack of cut out post-it notes. Without hesitation, he started sticking them to the piano’s keys. 

Logan was almost mortified by such thing done to his beautiful piano, until he noticed the letters written on the notes. 

Remus was smart, he noted. 

In fact, he had also added a comma, a point, interrogation and exclamation points. And numbers.

Remus was very smart.

“Ok!” He said. “If you’re Logan, –I’m still not sure about that one– talk to us! Say anything, whatever you want!”

Logan eyed both twins. Roman held his notebook, waiting to write down whatever Logan played. He was shaking slightly. Logan couldn’t blame him.

He placed his hands on the piano and thought. What should he say?

An idea clicked on his mind and he started playing, slowly enough so Roman could write everything down.

“The birds work for the bourgeoisie.” Roman said. He stared at the piano. “Really? Out of all the things you can say?”

Logan didn’t even bother holding back his laughter. “It was the first thing Remus told me in history class.” He said, as he started playing the sequence of keys. 

Roman read the sentence out loud and looked at his brother. “How am I not surprised?”

“So it is him.” Remus said. 

‘Of course it’s me’ Logan played out. Roman read it out loud again.

“Should we call the others?” Roman asked. “I think we should tell them.” 

‘Dennis is real, btw. His name is Janus’ Logan played. 

Roman frowned. “Repeat that slower, I didn’t copy it right.”

Logan sighted, doing so. 

“What did he say?” Remus asked. “I got lost after the second n.” 

Roman stared at the sentence he had written. “Dennis is real. The fucker in Virgil’s house is real.” 

“I knew it!” Remus said, bouncing up and down. “I fucking knew it!”

“Ok, that’s it, Imma go call the others.” Roman said, handling the notebook to Remus. “You keep Logan company, I’ll try explain this without causing them to freak out.”

Logan watched as Roman left. Remus grabbed the notebook and sat on the piano stool. He passed right through Logan. It was a weird feeling.

“So… how is it being dead?” Remus asked.

Logan thought about what to answer for a few seconds. ‘Lonely’

“What about Dennis? Can’t he keep you company?” Remus said.

‘His name isn’t Dennis. And he wasn’t sociable.’ Logan played.

“Lol.” Remus said. Logan sighted. He hated when Remus said text slang out loud. “So… do you know how to get you back?”

Logan smiled fondly. He sighted, before playing. ‘There’s no way, Remus, I’m dead.’

Remus’s smile dropped. He stood from the stool. “Right” he muttered, getting away from the piano. “I’m going to check on Roman”

Having said that, he left.

Janus floated behind Virgil as he made his way to meet the twins. Janus liked the twins. They were funny. 

He frowned when they passed the twin’s house, walking straight towards Logan’s. 

Logan wouldn’t have been able of communicating with them, right?

If Janus hadn’t managed a single thing after fifty three years of trying, it was imposible for Logan to have communicated in just a few days.

They entered the house, and went straight into the living room. Janus ignored the twin’s explanations of what they were doing in Logan’s house and went to the living room.

Someone had filled the piano with stick notes.

He looked at Logan, who was standing there. With his hands over the piano keys.

“How the fuck did you manage that?” Janus asked. 

Logan shrugged. “I don’t know. How did I see you when you were a ghost?”

“I dunno, I didn’t do shit that time.” Janus said. “I was just waiting to see what the fuck you five had planned, and if it was worth it to watch.”

“We were planning on… well, vandalizing the park sounds a bit too crude, doesn’t it?” Logan said. “We just wanted to paint on the ground with chalk.” 

“Meh, probably worth it.” Janus said, shrugging. “Anyways, what did you do?”

“Oh, right!” Logan said, turning to the piano. “I managed to do this:”

He placed his hands on the keys again and started playing a soft melody. Janus heard Virgil and Patton curse, and yelp in surprise. 

Logan stopped. 

“How the fuck?” Janus said.

“Language” Logan reprimanded. “And I have as little idea as you.” 

“Logan?” Remus called. “You’re still there, right?”

Logan played a series of three notes. Janus noticed the papers sticked to them spelled ‘yes’. 

“I’m going to tell them about you.” Logan said. “It’s that alright?”

Janus thought it for a moment. “Yeah… It’s ok…” He could work this into his favour. He could actually make this work.

Logan started playing a series of notes. Janus got lost after the third note. He was never a fast reader.

“Yes. Janus is here as well.” Roman read out loud. “Who’s Janus? It sounds like a middle school librarian name.” 

“Another ghost?” Patton asked. “I thought ghosts weren’t real…” 

Virgil shrunk back into his hoodie, sitting on top of the couch. “If this is a sick prank, I’m murdering you two.” 

“It’s not!” Remus said. He grabbed Roman’s notebook and gave it to Virgil. “Copy the messages and watch for yourself.” He turned to the piano. “Look, Logan, can you tell us who Janus is?” 

Logan sighted and started playing again. 

After a few seconds, Virgil spoke, with a shaky voice. “The ghost that lives with Virgil. Dennis.” 

Everyone stared at Virgil for a few seconds. He looked moments away from fainting. 

“Holy fuck, I’ve been living with a ghost.” He said. Patton rubbed his arm, trying to calm him down. “For how long?”

“How long?” Logan asked. 

“Eh, I’ve been dead for fifty three years, so since always.” Janus said. 

Logan sighted. “How am I not surprised?” He said, as he started playing again.

“Fifty three years.” Virgil read. “Oh, god, he saw me as a stupid little kid.” He blushed, hiding his face with his hoodie. “God, why?”

“Tell them to get a fucking ouija. I’ve been waiting years for Virgil to get one, but the damn emo won’t do it.” Janus said.

“Virgil is too scared to do so. And so is Remus, no matter what he might say.” Logan said. “I’ll ask them for one.”

Virgil scribbled down Logan’s message. 

“He wants us to get an ouija.” He explained. 

“But we already got the piano.” Roman said. 

Logan played again. Janus didn’t even bother trying to decipher it. 

“He says Janus can’t use the piano.” Virgil said. “God, getting used to an actual ghost being in my house is going to take a while.”

“Yeah, I think getting used to all this is just… not going to be easy.” Patton said. “I think my cousin Remy has a ouija. I can go ask him to lend it to me, and we’ll meet here tomorrow?”

“That sounds like a good idea, padre.” Roman said. “At the same hour?”

“Yeah, sure, I don’t have anything to do on Sundays anyways. Except apparently talk to a ghost. Oh, god, he heard me sing” Virgil said.

“He sings well when he isn’t trying to hard to hit the high notes.” Janus commented. “Who are you going to follow?” 

“I’ll stick to Patton.” Logan said. “I want to see Remy. He’s a cool guy.” 

“Yeah, I know, I was with Virgil when y’all met him, remember?” Janus said.

“Right. I tend to forget you actually existed.” Logan said. He turned to the piano and played a message. 

Virgil groaned as he struggled to write everything down. 

“He says he’s gonna follow Patton. And he wishes us good luck.” He said. 

“Aw, thanks Logan!” Patton said. “It’s so nice to be able of talking to you!” 

“Ok, let’s get the fuck out of here, I can’t handle this shit more.” Remus said. “My heart is going to fucking explote.”

“You ok?” Roman asked.

“Ha. No.” Remus said. “Too much adrenaline for today. I’m going to go back to bed now.”

“You’ve been out of bed less than an hour today.” Roman said. “It’s not healthy.”

“Fuck healthy, I do what I want.” 

“Gays, don’t fight.” Patton said. “Let’s just go out now, I’ll call Remy when I get home.” 

“…fine.” Roman said. 

“See ya, Lobot” Janus said, following Virgil. He floated right through the door.

“How the fuck does he float?” Logan wondered to himself, walking behind Patton.

It took Virgil a lot not to panic when he was alone on his room again.

Dennis, or should Virgil call him Janus, was real. He had been watching him.

God, that was so messed up.

Virgil groaned, throwing himself to bed. 

“If you’re still there, fuck off.” He told the ghost. “I don’t want to live with a ghost.”

There was no response. Seconds later, Virgil’s pencil case fell to the ground, scattering its contents. 

“Jerk.” Muttered Virgil, getting up to pick it up.

He couldn’t help to smirk, though. There was finally an explanation to all the weird falling things in his house.

As fucked up as it was.

Remy had a ouija board. He hadn’t used it twice, after almost dying of a heart attack when Emile decided to prank him and his friends while they were playing. Shutting down the lights was not a pleasant experience for neither of them.

Remy knew about Patton’s friends. He had met a few. 

He knew about Logan’s accident.

And that’s why he didn’t think it was a good idea giving Patton the Ouija board.

“Remy, please, just for one night” Patton pleaded. “One night. And I’ll give it back.”

“This shit doesn’t work.” Remy said. “Patton, I know you’re hurt, but this is not way to cope.”

“I know.” Patton said. “But I need it. Just one night. Promise.”

Remy looked at his cousin, who was giving him the best puppy eyes performance Remy had ever seen. 

He sighted. “You promise not to tell our parents and to be careful?” 

“Yes!” Patton said. “I do!”

Remy looked at Patton. He shook his head as he went over to his closet, were he kept the ouija board, under dozens of other board games.

He blew the dust of it.

“Here.” Remy said. “Have fun. Ghosts aren’t real, and I don’t know what you’re attempting to do, but be careful.”

“Thank you!” Patton said, pulling the ouija board close to his chest. “Thank you thank you thank you!” 

Remy was left alone, watching as Patton left his house. He was lucky his parents weren’t there. They would’ve been more strict, yet Remy had always had a soft spot for Patton. 

He shivered when he heard a thank you. Patton was nowhere close. He was home alone.

“Ghosts aren’t real.” He said to himself, bracing himself and trying to believe his words. “Ghosts aren’t real.”

Remus drew the curtains closed, not for the ambient, but because he didn’t want anyone to see what they were about to do.

It was Sunday. Their parents had left for work, leaving the twins alone at home. 

Roman had called the others, asking them to come over. Remus started making space on the living room, moving the table away and getting enough pillows for everyone to sit down.

He contemplated getting a pillow for Logan. He was a ghost, ghost wouldn’t be able of sitting, right? He got a pillow nonetheless.

He sat down and waited for the others to arrive. 

Roman entered the room, followed by the others. Patton had a cardboard box under his arm. 

“Ya got it?” Remus asked.

Patton nodded, sitting down in between the twins. “I had to disguise it so my parents didn’t notice.” He explained, taking the ouija board out and setting it on the middle of the ground.

“You’re sure about this?” Virgil said, fidgeting with the ends of his hoodie. “It always ends poorly in movies.”

“We’re not a movie.” Roman said. “And it’s Logan, Logan wouldn’t hurt us.”

“Janus could try…” Virgil said. “I mean, he’s been living with me and hasn’t tried anything, but still…”

Patton placed the wooden triangle on top of the board. “How does one use a ouija board?”

“Oh, it’s easy” Remus said. “We ask questions, put one hand each on the triangular thingie and wait for an answer.” 

“Oh, ok, Logan?” Patton said, looking at the empty pillow in front of him. “Are you there?”

“You forgot about the hands on tri–” Roman started saying, only to be left speechless when the triangle moved on it’s own. 

It slid through the board, towards the ‘yes’.

Everyone stared at it for a few seconds. 

“Ok, is Janus here as well?” Virgil asked, biting his lip.

The triangule raised on the air and fell to the ‘yes’ once more.

“Do any of you two want to hurt us?” Remus asked. “Whether it’s killing us, torturing us physically or psychologically, mutilating us, sewing our li–”

“Remus, please don’t give them any ideas.” Roman said, interrupting him.

The triangle moved to the ‘no’. Then it continued moving.

Roman struggled to scribble down the message. 

“I’m not letting you get hurt.” He read aloud. 

“Aw, thanks,”–Patton said, bouncing on his pillow–“but if Janus turns out to be an evil poltergeist, you won’t stand a chance.”

The triangle moved again. “Rude.” Roman read. 

Remus laughed. Virgil hid a laughter as a cough. Patton pouted.

“I’m not rude!” He said, childishly crossing his arms. 

The triangle moved to the ‘yes’ space. Patton pouted even more, before breaking into laughter.

“I wanna say something too.” Janus said, trying to grab the wooden triangle. Logan pushed him away.

“Wait for your turn.” He said, answering another dumb question from his friends.

Janus tried to grab the triangle again. “You’ve been at it for long enough, my turn.”

He grabbed the wood piece, snatching it from Logan’s hands.

“Hey!” Logan exclaimed, trying to get it back. 

Janus held it away. “It’s my turn, fuck off!”

“They’re my friends, fuck off!” Logan said, grabbing the triangle and pulling. Janus didn’t let go of it.

“I’ve been dead longer, fuck off!” Janus said, trying desperately not to let go of the triangle.

“Well I’m dead because of you!” Logan yelled, pushing Janus away.

Janus fell through Roman, who couldn’t help a shiver. He turned in the air as if failing with no gravity. 

Logan dropped the triangle, his hands flying to his mouth.

Janus straightened himself, standing up as if he was alive.

“Janus, I’m so sorry.” Logan said. “I didn’t–”

“I’ll be going now.” Janus said, bitterness dripping into his voice. “Have fun with your friends.”

“Logan?” Remus called, gaining his attention. “Is everything alright?”

Logan sighted, grabbing the triangle. He kneeled next to the board and placed it on the ‘yes’. 

‘Janus wanted control over the board. We argued. He left.’

He waited as Roman read aloud the sentence. 

“I have an idea.” Virgil said. “It might be stupid.” 

‘Go ahead’

Roman read it aloud once more. Virgil nodded, shifting on his pillow. He reached out and grabbed the triangle. He raised it to his face, peering over the hole.

Logan scoffed. “Like that’s gonna work…” He muttered to himself.

Virgil drew in a shaky breath, his hands shaking. “It does, though.” He said.

[huntsman-ash]

LiveThoughts: RWBY V8E6

Second attempt at this since last time Chrome just DIED for no reason...

Im going to put literally the entire thing with Cinder under one note; Called it.

Its a great set of stuff, sure, but it doesnt relaly tell us anything we didnt already know about Cinder, and I personally feel it doesnt really explain why she turned out the way she did. I feel like we’ve had another weird twist of the situation again...M+K? Coronas fault? Who knows. Either way, this section isnt great by my taste and I kinda skipped most of it. 

Few things to note though; Apperently in Mistral scrubbing by hand is still more viable floor cleaning tech than using Dust.

The wind vane on the roof has the Rooster Teeth symbols rooster on it. 

The hotel Cinder is bought by is named the Glass Unicorn, fittingly enough for...several reasons. 

The coffees behind the stepsisters when we first see them are the animated versions of the real life stuff RT put out just before this season went live. 

No one seems to notice the fact cinder has orange eyes. I wonder if weird eye colors are just a THING in Remnant?

The control collar/shock thing is incredibly inefficient in design, since it doesnt actually hold on to her very well. A more effective brace/choker design would have worked better.

The song that goes on during all of this is...kind of obvious and a little bland? Fitting for younger Cinder I guess. 

Mmm. Random greasy huntsman. 

I guess in Atlas its fine to laugh at struggling teenagers?

Im going to assume there’s a 3+ year gap here where she gets older, cause she stops being smol and gets closer to how we see her now.

Also even here, in Atlas...really? The most effective way to clean these carpeted floors is to have a TEENAGER SCRUB THEM BY HAND?

How do you scrub...I assume its carpet anyway?

And how you tell civilians are lame in Atlas; they are impressed...by a sword.  Just a sword. A boring, half-cut sword. Losers.

I assume this would be Cinder’s semblance manifesting. Also note on the desk; “we do not serve faunus”. Well THAT doesnt surprise me.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHHEHEHEHEHEHEHE. Get fucked Cinder. HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

I dont even feel pity for her, this is funny to me.  Also the fact that this kind of shit aCTUALLY EXISTS is...amusing to me. Like, really? So I guess indentured servitude is a thing in Remnant too. 

And this is why Cinder likes to use swords. Really. Wow. LAMEO.

Huh. Dual maces. Interesting. Thats a prety cool weapon.  Looks like they open up too. Bet he could bash some skulls with that.

“Hurting them isnt going to make your life any better”. Um, excuse me? I think hurting them is the very best thing to do in this situation. At least, for the moment anyway. 

Huh. So she’s ten at this point? Even as a child, shes older than she looks. 

And training montage. Huh. Or at least I assume it is. I get the feeling being able to go where you want too and do what you want too is the main reason Hunters exist. There must be crazy tight immigration laws...or, maybe, its just that traveling between kingdoms is stupid dangerous cause of Grimm. I think the latter is most likely considering every form of public transit extra-kingdom we’ve seen (even between cities, see Argus Limited) has some kind of defensive weaponry. Limited and ineffective, for th emost part oddly.

So you can take the exam at 18. Okay cool. Pre-that must be prep school. Wonder what happens if you wash out? Also I like how this dude is just “yeah, 7 years of training, we got this.”

I think this is the first time we’ve seen the other side of the moon. Or at least, the proper other side...bloody hell I STILL dont know how all those piesces are still held in place, the thing looks like it should start yeeting bolides at Remnant. 

Better still we see it MOVE, rotate in time to the passing of years. So it literally does rotate on its own axis, and more importantly, unlike OUR moon, its NOT tidally locked. We only ever see the same side of our moon. REmnants rotates MUCH faster. Also it doesnt seem to have phases like ours does. I’ll check on why that is. 

Well at least we have an explanation for why Cinders so damn good at fighting people. Trained by an Atlas Huntsman.

Also as a note the device is quite literally just an electrical Dust crystal attached to a necklace. Things the most inefficent torture device Ive ever fucking seen. 

Wonder how often they have to change the crystal.

And there goes the moon rotating again.

I like how NO ONE comment on the blade going missing and that guy never came back for it. I guess he must have just bought a new one.

I get the very distinct feeling they wont just let her go honestly, permission or not. 

AWWW WE DONT EVEN GET TO SEE CINDER MURDER THE SISTERS. Also no blood. Odd.  Good kill on the  stepmother though. Oh, that NECK CRACK.  I like how all the bitch can do is try and shock Cinder, like, uh...adrenaline up? SHE HAS A SWORD? MAYBE FIGHT BACK?

Hah. Weak ass fuckin Atlas people.  Also the clock going off in the back ground twelve times. How fitting. Welcome to midnight. 

Also shes kind of glowing here cause the room is dark, and I find it amusing this is probably the last time she wears white.

And THERES the Cinder we know

Sick ass music, cool. Also THAT is an interesting semblance...I guess he turns himself to metal? Also DAMN his aura broke after THAT? Hes a Huntsman...ah who cares. Again probably in Cinders memory more than anything. Which at this point is probably about as reliable as a coked up hookers.

SHANKED. Sucker. You shoulda seen THAT one coming.

And thats all it took to get the shock collar off. Lol. 

So what happened to the hotel? Did they just...write it off? I mean four people got murdered in there...

And now we’re back on the whale. HOW THE SCREAMING FUCK DID CINDER JUST...

Wow. She just got up after eating that blast. Fucking plot armor.

Merc making the hard calls honestly.  Im actually gonna watch all of this now which is nice because I want to know whats happening in the real world. PITY MORE THAN HALF THE EPISODE WAS THIS FUCKING FILLER.

I like how Cinder just...goes quiet the moment she realizes shes lost Mercury. Not that he was USEFUL mind you but if I had to guess she liked being the boss. But now shes...basically back where she started. 

So the whale is basically a ship. It has a bridge. Probably Salems throne room.

Man, Oscars literally just RTs punching bag this season isnt he? Literally in this case. 

His clothes are still scortched too which I find interesting.  The black eyes also staying. Auras not back up then? Aura repair and regen seems...werid half the time. Like RT does what they want with it.

Ah so someone finally says it...but at the same time what exactly does Salem have to fear? If she cant fight the whole world...what could they do? Maybe overwhelming her? It...Im having a hard time putting the “she cant be stopped” with “shes afraid of fighting all of Remnant”. 

Somethings missing here. I know it.

The sound of the “door” opening reminds me of the Flood doors in High Charity in Halo 3s Cortana. Fleshy twisting.

Mention from Hazel, but AGAIN...no details. I guess if you nail down how she can do stuff its harder to write? 

Glad someone made a comment on the futility of the Hunter academies. 

I really hate how Salems giving us creepy mommy shades. 

Hmm. So yeah the bridge IS the throne room/command deck. I like how Neo doesnt give a fuck is just casually kneeling. 

Ah okay THATS why he grabbed the scroll. 

Heh. Interesting. How exactly does this work I wonder. 

...Why does Salem have a ring. Has she always had that ring?

Neo looking at the Hound like “oh, I could ride this thing”. 

Oh cool the Ace Ops. And they’re arguing, shocker. Sounds like Elm doesnt trust tech either. No shock there.  Idiot.

Atlas elite. Yeah, right.

Huh, is this a Manta with landing gear? I guess they do have them...seems kind of silly to have them so high up though. I guess thats what the thing under the door is for, so they can deploy a ramp. Man, I really dont like Atlas’s airship design.

Hare needs some fuckin suppresants. 

Annnnddd...here we go, things go straight to hell. I was warned of this. I am going to try and not be mad...but from what Ive heard the incomptence of the military in this particular section is astronomical.

Huh. So...Grimm can be convirted into a rock-punching liquid? Interesting. Has that always been a thing or... Also why the fuck are you jsut standing there in awe, go kill the fucking thing! Fucking Specialists.

...that is all it took to get through Atlas’s shield? THAT?

I also love how no one does anything. Ironwoods like “wait what the fuck”. Come on bro. 

And...thats the Atlas navy. Everyone. Two lasers. One of which missed. Remind me again what exactly these things are used to shoot?

Wait, no, that took down part of it, and then the rest is, surprise, hitting the soft rock on the outside. 

THERE goes the shield. 

Hang on a second, how long have those giant squid things been there?

And...what. The whale just approaches, nothing happens? You’ve got 12 fucking ships there, shoot the fucking thing.

Again, WHY IS NO ONE DOING ANYTHING?

Oh, it just beach-headed. Okay fine, whatever. 

Im not really worried.

Lets see how RT makes this WORSE though...

And thats this weeks episode.

[taiblogcomics]

Trigon With the Wind

Hey there, Lake Manitoba. Are you guys ready for more New 52 Titans stuff?? Because, like, I'm not. I don't read these beforehand, you know. I never have any idea what's coming any more than you do~

Here's the cover. Or at least part of it:

Yeah, part of. See that hand in the lower right? This is a fold-out cover. Yeah, the other side shows who they're attacking: Trigon, Raven, and, of all people, Beast Boy. We last saw him during The Culling, and Ravagers is... not quite finished yet, but it's close. Issue 11 of 12 came out the same month as this issue. So who even knows with this timeline. Anyway, this is probably more tentacles than should legally be allowed on a mainstream comics cover, especially one involving teenagers. "Trapped and Terrified" does accurately describe my mood reviewing these comics, though~

We open with Cassie having a disagreement with Tim Drake over the events of last issue. And by "disagreement", I mean she's physically slamming him into walls, demanding to know what the hell the Suicide Squad thing was all about. Kid Flash and Bunker pull her off, and they vouch for Tim. They may not always like the methods Tim's used, but he's never actually steered them wrong and deserves a chance to explain. Tim, however, decides to act like a dick and say he doesn't owe them an explanation, and they should just be grateful he lets them stay here. Which is, you know, horrible characterisation and not what he promised last issue.

Before they can go after Tim and tell him that Dick was the name of a different Robin, Cassie suddenly collapses, surrounded by red lightning. She's suddenly sensed that Trigon is here on Earth. Because apparently her armour can do that now. And we cut over to Trigon being awesome, same as we ended last issue. Except his horse has three heads in this issue. I dunno if it grew another head in between issues or if I just didn't notice, but you have to admit a three-headed demon horse is even cooler than a two-headed demon horse. Psimon puts in a brief appearance here, killing a woman with his mind so he can have a hiding place to himself. So far I don't think there's been a likeable person in this issue~

Before Psimon and Trigon can develop a rappaport based on their interest in power and similar cadance to their names, Cassie flies up and punches Trigon in the face. And it's no mere punch, either; Trigon topples over and crushes a school bus, complaining he actually felt that one. But he quickly gets up and retorts by slamming her through the street. Not into the street, through the street. He also taunts her something about her lineage, but before he can elaborate, the rest of the Titans get involved. Superboy punches Trigon while Bunker destablises the ground somehow. Kid Flash then super-speeds them out of the way before Trigon can blast them with hellfire. Gotta say, I do like the teamwork here~

As they regroup, we cut over to Beast Boy lying in a pile of rubble. The captions inform us that the Ravagers no longer exist thanks to Deathstroke, telling us to read Ravagers #12 to find out. That didn't come out until the following month, so good job spoiling the ending here, comic. Not that anyone was actually invested in the plot of Ravagers, but I was planning to review it after this series.

Anyways, Raven finds Beast Boy and revives him. She laments that humans treat their children almost as badly as her hell dimension. This is immediately followed by her noticing her father is on Earth and conscripting Beast Boy to go help him. "Humans are almost as terrible as my hell home. Anyway, I have to go help my demon father." No trace of irony.

Back at the battle, Trigon starts getting the upper hand. This is because he's so tall, all his hands are upper. He somehow makes Bunker's bricks start encasing Bunker. When Kid Flash rushes in to help, he gestures and Kid Flash's memories start returning. I guess Trigon's powers are more mental than previous depictions. Before anything else can happen, Raven appears with a mind-controlled Beast Boy, who uses his powers to become a tentacle monster and grab all the Titans--and Psimon too, since he's still here. Solstice tries to comfort Psimon and tell him to not be afraid.

But Psimon is not afraid. In fact, he's pissed, and he thinks Trigon is absolutely right. He's got power, everyone else is beneath him. So he lashes out with his mind, and kills the military that were just showing up to battle Trigon. Pissed that he killed some people, Beast Boy breaks free of the mind control and attacks Psimon.

Apparently "mind over matter" isn't a concern, because the two "cancel each other out". I don't know how shapeshifting cancels out psionic power either, but both of them suddenly become unconscious. And Trigon's suddenly gone too. Even Raven seems confused, promising that while she wants to claim their souls for Trigon and strip them of their humanity and friendship, she would never resort to murder to do so. That's just crass~

This issue... actually isn’t that bad. Oh sure, practically everyone’s an asshole in some way (except Solstice and Bunker, and maybe Superboy), but that’s pretty standard for the New 52. Sure, the whole issue is mostly fight scenes, but at least they’re fight scenes that A) advance the plot, and 2) are against actual Titans villains. That’s more than you can say for last issue.

The real question is, what happened to the three-headed horse Trigon was riding? It stops appearing as soon as Cassie punches him into a bus~

[shadowthrone-ammanas]

Can we get a sequel to Chat? If possible?

Thank you both for the request!

Something’s Off

Cooking was one of the things Hat Kid just wasn’t interested in. Food was great, she loved eating, but making it was a real pain and not fun at all. But it was Cooking Cat’s thing and she’d gotten Mu into too. So Hat Kid let the two of them to play around in her kitchen while she translated a recipe from her one and only cookbook for them.

Their enthusiasm made it the most fun cooking session Hat Kid had ever had. Not that that was saying much because cooking just wasn’t fun to her. But she was still grateful for the distraction when the sound of the kitchen door flopping open came from behind her.

She placed the cook book on the counter before snapping around to see who it was. … “Snatcher!” She hadn’t expected to see him here ever. Normally when he wanted to talk to her, he went to his spot in her room and waited. He’d had to shrink quite a bit to fit through the kitchen doors too, something she’d never seen him do before.

“Hey kiddo,” she said with his usual cocky grin though.

“You,” Mu said with a huff, crossing her arms and glaring at him. “You’re garbage.”

“Uh… Mu, maybe don’t insult the powerful specter,” Cooking Cat said with a grimace as she put a hand on Mu’s shoulder.

“I’ll do what I want. He’s a bastard and I hate him.”

“Eh, it’s whatever,” he said with a dismissive handwave. There was something off about it though? Like, the movement didn’t seem quite right. Though Hat Kid couldn’t pin down exactly why, maybe she was just imagining things. “Hate me if you wish, I can’t be bothered to care.”

“Please be nice Mu,” Hat Kid said. “He’s my BFF so you guys need to get along.”

“You’re insane, befriending him. But whatever, we all knew that already. Let’s get back to cooking.” Mu turned away to face the stove again.

“You want to help us cook Snatcher?” Hat Kid was pleased by the idea of spending time with multiple of her friends at once, it didn’t happen often.

“I’m a ghost kid, what makes you think I’d have any interest in cooking?” He moved his arms as he spoke, not too unusual but… still it still didn’t seem right.

A tad worried now, Hat Kid jogged over to him. She might be imagining things but more often than not when her instincts told her something was off, it was. “Are you okay?” she asked, leaning to whisper so Cooking Cat and Mu wouldn’t hear. “Is something wrong?”

Snatcher’s grin widened. “You really do care about me, huh? How sweet!”

“Um… yes of course I care about you, you’re my BFF. But you didn’t answer my question. You seem a bit off today so… what’s up with that?”

“Oh, lots of stuff really. I’ve been having a rather bad day, things just keep going wrong.” Okay, yeah, he wasn’t just a bit off, he was super off. He would never be open like that. “It’s about to get better though.”

He snapped forward, wrapping a hand around her throat before she could react. Squeezing, he lifted her, leaving her feet to dangle several feet off the ground as she pawed at his hand.

“Hey!” Mu shouted from the other side of the room followed a second later by the sound of magic blasting.

“Let’s not anger the powerful specter,” Snatcher said. “It’s not a smart idea, especially when I have a hostage.”

Mu growled in frustration, meaning she thankfully probably hadn’t been hit by the blast. Vision starting to grow fuzzy already, Hat Kid pulled out her umbrella and whacked Snatcher with it.

“Nope, can’t hurt me,” he said with a giggle. Not how he normally laughed at all.

He ducked back through the kitchen doors into the central area and tossed her. She hit the glass window with a thump before falling to the floor. Gasping for breath, she struggled to stand up and retrieve her umbrella from where it had fallen. She straightened in time to see Snatcher had jumped down from the balcony and Mu and Cooking Cat and run out of the kitchen to watch what was going on.

“It’s not him,” Hat Kid said. “It’s someone pretending to be him.” Another ghost probably, they could shapeshift after all and change their voices. So, she knew it wasn’t Snatcher.

“Nope, kiddo, I assure you, it’s me. Want some proof?” He shapeshifted to look an awful lot like the pictures she’d seen of the Prince in Vanessa’s mansion. “Let’s have some fun though.” He snapped, forming a magic barrier just in time to block Mu from jumping onto him with her teeth bared, it would’ve been funny under different circumstances.

More barriers popped up, boxing the two of them in. Hat Kid rushed him, smacking him with the umbrella. It did nothing of course, he was a ghost, without the blue potion she couldn’t hurt him. He giggled again as he summoned a pecking sword into his hand.

“You know,” he said with a grin as he lifted it, “I never actually learned how to use one of these. You’d think I would, being a prince and all, but nope, no one ever taught me. I learned to play the cello instead which honestly is more interesting anyway, more useful, less cliché. But that should make this interesting.” He swung at her.

She jumped back, avoiding it quite easily because it was slower that she would’ve thought. “You’re a bastard! Why are you doing this?”

“I’m bored and it’s fun.” He swung again, sloppy and slow, far too easy to dodge. He really didn’t know how to use a melee weapon. So why was he using one? Especially when he had magic.

He insisted on it though, slashing at her some more. If she didn’t know better, she’d said he was purposefully making it easy to dodge his attacks. He wasn’t even using magic other than for the barriers. She attacked back at every opportunity, smacking him with her umbrella, throwing her own exploding cocktails at him with the brewing hat which did nothing. But what else could she do? She was boxed in with him, she was going to fight.

“You know,” he eventually said with a sigh, “I was expecting you to call out to me during this battle. Appeal to the ‘real’ me and all that, normally when one’s loved one attacks them, that’s what they do. But you’re just wailing away at me like it’s no big deal if you hurt your BFF or not.”

“Huh? What are you talking about asshole? You’re not giving me any choice! Stop impersonating Snatcher and trying to hit me with your sword and I’ll stop attacking you.” She ducked in to whack him again, hard as she could in the midsection.

“I told you I’m not impersonating him, I’m the real Snatcher. I even proved it to you.”

“You didn’t prove shit! If I can find out about that, so can other people and ghosts. So stop impersonating him, it’s rude!”

He sighed again and stopped attacking. She came in for another whack but this time he caught the umbrella, dropping the sword to do so. He lifted it, bringing her up with it, kicking as she clung to the umbrella’s handle. “I could kill you but… I have a bit of a soft spot for kids. And you’re an alien, that makes you interesting. I suppose instead, I shall reveal the game, you’re lack of understanding makes it less fun. Though, I suppose I can’t blame you for that, one would not normally think a powerful ghost could be possessed or controlled by another being. It’s unprecedented for sure.”

Before she could ask what the heck that meant, the air above and a bit behind Snatcher shimmered. Another being faded into existence faded into that space. Gray and misshapen hands, face, and head, in dirty once regal clothing. There were red strings coming form his fingers, going into Snatcher’s back. He moved his fingers and Snatcher moved, letting go of the umbrella. Hat Kid somehow managed to land on her feet and not lose balance, barely though.

“I’m Moonjumper. I hail from the horizon.” He bowed slightly. Snatcher, still obviously in his control mimicked the move, a bit slower and stiffer. … That explained the odd slow movements, he was being controlled like a puppet.

“Let him go!” Hat Kid pointed her umbrella at Moonjumper, still ready to do battle. He may be floating too high for her to reach but she’d find a way if she had to.

He giggled, very similar to the way he’d made Snatcher giggle. “I suppose I can. I had my fun and he was vulnerable to your attacks so you gave him quite the beating so at least someone’s hurting. Maybe we’ll play this game some other time and have a real fight. I think I’d win. Bye!” He lifted a hand and waved, making Snatcher do this same.

“It was fun,” he made Snatcher say before vanishing in a puff of fog.

Free of the red strings, Snatcher slumped limply to ground with a groan. He mumbled something that was probably a curse word but Hat Kid wasn’t sure.

“Ha!” Mu shouted. The barriers were gone too, allowing her and Cooking Cat to see what was happening. “You won Hat Kid, good job! Take that you dumb noodle ghost! It’s what you get!”

“Like I told you, it wasn’t him,” Hat Kid said, glaring at her. “You didn’t see, but it wasn’t him. So be nice.” She crouched down beside him as he shifted into his normal shape. “You okay?”

“No,” he said with a groan. “You hit real hard kid. And as a whole, being puppeteered ain’t fun.”

“I thought you were immune to physical attacks most of the time.”

“Most of the time yeah, not all the time.”

“Oof.” Hat Kid grimaced. She’d hit him an awful lot, huh? “I’m sorry.”

“Whatever.” He vanished, teleporting away like a jerk. He could’ve stayed and explained things more while he rested some. She’d have to track him down later for answers and to make sure he was okay.

“You okay hon?” Cooking Cat asked from across the room with Mu. “You maybe want to explain what just happened?”

With a sigh, Hat Kid stood up. “I’m fine. And uh… basically Snatcher was being controlled by a guy named Moonjumper. He was a real jerk and I hate him.” If he ever showed his face around here again, she’d smack it with an umbrella. He deserved no less.

For this request event.

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

Lets debunk the BS from this. Up top a lot of this BS comes from Bob Chipman/MovieBob who is the guy who if you recall said:

-         Superheroes like Superman (and thus by extension Spider-Man who marry civilians were jerks for putting their spouses through the same stuff soldiers’ spouses go through

-         Spider-Man appeals best to teens (even though he provably doesn’t since most people get into him before their teens and he appealed to college students in his heyday)

-         The Spider-Marriage was nothing more than a forced publicity stunt

-         Sins Past is worse than OMD

-         Spider-Man is about passive aggressive power

-         And the best one, ever since OMD Peter and MJ had become ‘more interesting’

That all being said lets dive into this:

Someone asked the panel what a queer reading would add to the character of Miles…Jesus…that’s just the greatest sign of hope for this podcast isn’t it? Shoot me now…

Miles was not 3 dimensional when he was created. Even if you disagree it is nonsense to say that Peter wasn’t  three dimensional when he was first created. Just look at how much Stan explored Peter’s psychology in this singular panel from ASM #50

Look at that. Peter Parker pulled between the two sides of his life. Making a judgement of someone. But then calling out his own judgement of them and acknowledging maybe he’s in the wrong.

This was 1967!

That isn’t three dimensional?

Additionally other people would disagree that Peter wasn’t three dimensional early on.

And even if you disagree with that it’s nonsense to say he hasn’t SINCE become three dimensional or that retaining his origin story (which Miles broadly uses as the basis for his story in every version of his character) somehow holds him back from being three dimensional. If nothing else Peter was at least multifaceted for the time period.

Spider-Man wasn’t an example of stories about a 15 year old made for 7 year olds. Spider-Man was intended to be a senior in AF #15 and the stories were written by Stan for at worst an older audience but at best basically just for him.

Stan Lee confirmed that AF #15 was written not as a one off but as something that if successful COULD become an on-going series.

Its BS to say Peter makes no sense as a character because he makes sense about as much as any character within the confines of the superhero genre can. MILES doesn’t somehow make more sense whatsoever.

No. Spider-Man wasn’t merely a thrown together ‘hey here is a teenage superhero story with a downer ending’ it was a story about selfishness, responsibility and appealed via it’s relative normalcy and lack of idealization of the superhero protagonist.

The psychology and thematic idea of his exclusive powers (invisibility+venom blast) is the same…how? How is disappearing and repelling people the same thing? They keep saying that in the podcast as though it’s obvious and it’s really not

Great Power=Great responsibility isn’t Peter’s catch phrase it’s the philosophy underpinning everything he does

‘The young end millennials have been thrown under the bus by society so the optimism is reserved for the young end millenials like Miles and Gwen’ oh but also ‘you need 5-10 years added to each character to have this make sense and also Spide-Ham doesn’t quit fit’…So…the theory doesn’t  make sense then does it. Also, what optimism is there for teen millenials in the late 2010s? We are all shit scared Global warming needs to be fixed within the next 10-20 years. The young end millenials will not be in much of a position to do that. Maybe not the high-end millenials either. The power rests in older Gen Xers or even older generations. So this ‘generational’ theory is bullshit. Yeah, Miles as the next generation maybe makes sense but not when you apply real world concepts of who the different generations are. Especially considering that’s made up bullshit anyway.

‘Blah blah blah for most of my life I’ve been uninterested in Spider-Man because I’ve believed him to be WHITE MALE teenaged wish fulfilment.’…*internally groans*…oh boy…this woman is one of those  types huh. Frankly I, and I would advocate others too, take a salt shaker with them whenever they hear someone say something like this. But more importantly Spider-Man is seriously NOT what she describes. For starters Peter was a senior in high school when he began and shouldered adult responsibilities when his father died. That’s wish fulfilment? That’s a BURDEN. The reason that spoke to so many people was because he was just different and because his imperfections made him more relatable. The whiteness idea is also bullshit since he was intentionally or otherwise subtextually Jewish and has spoken to countless people of all colours across the generations. He very particularly has a HUGE following among African Americans which was partially what prompted the creation of Miles Morals in the first place!  Shit, the showrunner for the 1994 Spider-Man cartoon was black for God’s sake. Many of the head honcho creators for ITSV were people of colour who were clearly MASSIVE Spider-Man fans!

‘As a woman Spider-Man didn’t resonate with me’. Spider-Man is male. And he acts in ways a male would in the context of the situations. But the character as a whole, in his deepest themes and concepts, is a universal character. He does and has spoken to people across race, gender, sex, sexuality, class, culture and generations. Spider-Girl, Mayday Parker, was her father’s daughter and far more similar than different to him. She spoke to male and female readers. Peter Parker himself has had female fans since his inception. There is no end of female fans here on tumblr or in other online spaces that are the proof of this, to say nothing of old letters pages.

Miles feels more like a real kid and fits together better than most other versions of Peter Parker?...how? I don’t like USM the comic but hwo the fuck do you take that, Spec Spidey, the 1994 cartoon and the Raimi movies (that MovieBob adores btw) and say ‘it doesn’t fit together properly like Miles’. Dude, Comic Book Miles Morales is a teenager in New York who goes to a bordering school for scientifically gifted kids and yet is supposed to be an everyman. That fits together well? He risked his life before  being motivated to do so which is how most 13 year old woudn’t  have acted. Then he feels guilty about Peter dying but his BFF explains it’s not his fault and he accepts this but then goes on to become Spider-Man anyway. And somehow this equates to guilt+responsibility. THAT’s better put together? His character got web-shooters two different ways by the same writer and the guy he was a legacy to was resurrected within like 3 years of Miles’ debut. That’s well put together? This makes more sense and is more believable than a kid who’s Dad dies because he didn’t use his gifts altruistically, so he spends his whole life striving to use them altruistically?

Blah blah blah MovieBob spewing more shit about how Peter is a teenage wish fulfilment power fantasy even though he clearly isn’t from a modern POV and REALLY wasn’t in the early 1960s.

By extension arguing Peter is an adult male’s retroactive teenaged wish fulfilment fantasy of working stuff out is so plainly wrong. Peter Parker in the early 1960s didn’t have everything figured out. The whole world was against him totally unfairly. He needed Aunt May or the Human Torch at times to give him pep talks. His social life was barely existent! You wanna see a middle aged man’s retroactive young wish fulfilment fantasy? Go read Brand New Day, which MovieBob claims was superior to the pre-OMD era. What is the wish fulfilment here? That attractive young women like him? Is that it? That one thing vs. all the horrible shit beating Peter down?

Bob claims there was a lot more Steve Ditko in the early issues of his run compared to Stan Lee because Peter was very angry. First of all Ditko was such a private person claiming he was definitely angry and that the anger was all him is a MASSIVE speculation. Especially considering Stan wrote Spidey as angry plenty after Ditko left. More importantly, Peter wasn’t  angry in the early Ditko issues except for maybe issue #8. He had his moments sure, but it wasn’t at all consistent. He wasn’t raging out or smashing shit like he did later  in Ditko’s run. He was more anxious and neurotic in those early issues which is comparatively closer to how Stan and Romita handled Peter in their earliest issues together. Peter and the whole world of Spidey got angrier towards the end  of Ditko’s run. You know when Stan was letting Steve plot stuff more and more…It’s almost like Bob is full of shit or something

Bob tries to claim by the time ITSV was being written the kinks in Miles’ character had been worked out in the comics. Nah fam. If anything they’d been exacerbated. In reality it was the ITSV writers who took the wonky early Miles character and worked out those kinks themselves, creating an overall superior rendition of the character. A viewpoint I am not alone in.

‘The Prowler has never been a particularly noteworthy villain in the comics’ That’s because he’s not  a villain. He was kind of a villain in his debut but he very quickly became an ally to Spidey

The panel then get into a very pretentious discussion about how ITSV preaches you arne’t stapled to your origin, you are not your trauma. That claiming that is pretentious ala Zack Snyder. But like…isn’t that the POINT of super hero origins? That they contextualize everything about the heroes thereafter? Isn’t carrying his trauma with everything they do practically the point of Batman and Spider-Man’s origins; you know the 2 most popular heroes? Uncle Ben’s death IS stapled to Spider-Man because it underlines everything he ever does. Shit it doesn’t even make sense when applied to Miles in ITSV. He does what he does because his Spider-Man died and then so did his uncle. There is even a whole scene in his dorm room where each Spider-Hero relays the grief that shaped their own lives. I’m not saying you need death and tragedy to be Spider-Man. But that’s neither a bad thing nor something that ISN’T applicable to Peter nor ITSV Miles. Aren’t these idiots supposed to be film buffs? How do you screw up such a basic reading like that?

One of the pundits claimed the movie preaches acting heroically in spite of your tragedies not because of them. Again though…that’ not Spider-Man. Peter is a hero specifically because his uncle died. Miles endeavours to become Spider-Man because his Peter died. His Uncle Aaron’s death further fuels him and allows him to make to final leap of faith. Yes, Peter B. continues to be a hero in spite of his failings but it is only his experiences with Miles that make that possible.

‘They don’t need the tragedies to be heroic they are already heroic in their own right. Look, I don’t disagree with that more broadly. Mayday Parker didn’t need tragedy to be a hero. But in terms of the specific characters in this movie? That’s clearly not true:

This whole ‘in spite of tragedy’ shit is so pre-Marvel DC comics it hurts. Heroes who just innately do the right thing because it is the right thing to do is a dated and archaic invention Spidey and the other Marvel heroes were reacting against.

‘Spider-Man Noir detracted from the film’s message of diversity because he was a brooding WHITE MAN who prowled the night to enact fist based justice!!!!’ Do I even need to say anything to that? First of all literally every hero in the movie enacts fist based justice. Why does Noir operating at night make him worse than Peter B? Why does him being male make that worse than Peni or Gwen? Why does him being white make that worse than Miles or Peni? And as for detracting from the message of diversity, shockingly diversity can be found within the same ethnic or gender group. You know white/male people aren’t a monolith and all that. Plus creatively you want PERSONALITY diversity more than anything else. In this movie in particular you want shorthand conceptual differences too. ‘Spider-Man but an anime mech girl’ ‘Spider-Man but a noir character’. ‘Spider-Man but a cartoon pig’. This is how asinine this disgusting modern day mentality is.

Wow…MovieBob defending Noir from the asinine comment. I’m genuinely surprised. Too bad he doesn’t use the most obvious defence of ‘that is obviously a ridiculous statement to make you moron’

The next topic of discussion was related to Marvel moving away from Gwen as Spider-Man’s dead girlfriend. I spoke a lot about Bob’s ice cold take on that in this post.

He claims they introduced Spider-Gwen because the idea would be taboo and thus would get people talking. HA! Spider-Gwen was done as just a general idea not something to spark controversy. It wouldn’t even BE controversial. Marvel brought back a version of Gwen within 2 years of her death. They brought her back again 15 years after her death. They brought her back again 22 years after her death along with other versions who melted because it was the Clone Saga. During and after all those times they had AUs of Gwen in What If, Age of Apocalypse, Spider-Man Loves Mary Jane and other such stuff. An explicitly AU of Gwen Stacy in 2014 was one of the most aggressively uncontroversial  things you could do.

Gwen’s ballet shoes differentiate her from every other Spider-Man ever. I mean yes in terms of being a dancer I suppose but in terms of being dedicated and studious, training hard and earning immense physical control? There have been plenty of versions of Spider-Man pre-2018 who are like that.

The only way you can make Spider-Gwen work going forward is by not tying it to her death in the canon? Boy…too God damn bad her debut and origin is entirely built upon that. Her origin in the comics and in the movies is built  upon a role reversal because it is Peter who dies to motivate her. Film audiences would’ve still grasped that role reversal because it was only 4 years ago Emma Stone’s highly popular rendition of the character died. And that was in the last pre-MCU Spider-Man movie to boot!

‘The only Iron Man story anyone cared about was Demon in a Bottle’ Actually they only cared about that story and Armor Wars. But yeah, the MCU version is lesser for neither having his alcoholism nor a crippling heart condition. The mere fact people became complacent about that doesn’t mean it wasn’t reductive.

‘These are fictional characters they need to grow and change with the times to remain popular’ Gwen Stacy sucked shit in the 1960s-1970s and was then killed off and defined by her death. Somehow she still  wound up becoming a fan favourite by the 90s and 21st century. Spider-Gwen sucks as a character but not in concept. I never had a problem with the concept. But the idea that she needed to exist to keep Gwen popular is bullshit because Gwen had somehow become immensely popular in spite of being a nothing character. And that even presumes anyone needed to perform maintenance on Gwen to keep her popular. No we didn’t. She was an irrelevant character beyond her death. It’s like saying we need to change Uncle Ben or Bruce’s parents to keep them popular.

Gwen’s affect on Peter Parker was important for awhile but we aren’t that society anymore. It’s not a fucking societal concern!  Putting aside how a 2014 movie did Gwen’s death just a few years before ITSV, Gwen’s death is about a universal human experience.  Death, grief, moving on. Oh, I see. This halfwit mistakenly believes Gwen is an example of women in the refrigerator.

Gwen died because Peter had this perfect lovely girlfriend and everything was too great for him and they didn’t know how to write beyond that. An oversimplification. Gwen died because they needed to shake things up for sales in general. Because Conway shipped Peter with MJ. And a 20 year old Spidey in 1973 really was too young to be killed off. Oh and you know she was written like shit. Yeah that’s the part no one ever talks about. Gwen is played up as this underserving victim of a character but she sucked shit.

It’s almost the 2020s! So fucking what? People still lose loved ones in the 2020s? I’m not even saying Spider-Gwen should have died in ITSV or revolved around her counterpart dying. I’m saying this dumbass is wrong for bringing it up as though killing Gwen off is dated on principle. But this is the same moron who unironically said ‘I never connected to Spider-Man because he is a teenaged white male wish fulfilment fantasy’. I’m sure she got top marks in her gender studies class

‘sOme PpL nEEd 2 gEt oVa iTTTTTTT’ I genuinely wish this person would wake up mute someday.

‘We could do a whole movie about Spider-Gwen’. I don’t respect where this opinion is coming from but I don’t necesarilly disag- ‘Get Seanen Maguire to write it’…nevermind. This gets even worse when you consider Maguire had only been writing Gwen for literally 3 issues at the time this podcast was released. Of the back of three issues  you are declaring this writer qualified to write an entire movie about the character? Not even Jason Latour who created her. I smell someone who just jumped on the bandwagon or worse is blinded by agenda and ideology.

‘Gwen could’ve done with 5 more minutes’ It’s not her movie!  It’s Miles’ movie and secondarily Peter B’s movie because he is Miles mentor. It is through their mutual relationship that Miles learns to be Spider-Man and Peter learns to be Spider-Man again.

It never made sense for an 80 year old woman to be raising a 16 year old boy! Aunt May in the 1960s wasn’t in her 80s. She just looked that way because, duh, standards of health were different back then. A 40 year old now looks much younger and in better health than someone who potentially might’ve been born in the 19th century circa 1962! A working class  woman no less…With chronic health problems! Even if she was in her mid-late 50s her looking like that was totally believable in context! And her raising Peter was also entirely believable depending upon how old Ben and May were when Richard and Mary were born. It’s not beyond possibility at all that there was 15-20 years separating Ben and his younger brother, meaning if Peter was born when Richard was 25, Ben and May would’ve been in their 40s. Thus by the time Peter was 15 they’d be in their 50s or 60s.

These idiots keep treating Peter from Miles’ universe as a bona fide version of 616 Peter when it’s blindingly obvious he’s supposed to be an idealized rendition of the character. A version intended to be a juxtaposition to the version we all know walking into the movie.

Peter B. Parker having a more traditional version of Aunt May as opposed to a more proactive and involved version has left him with a sense of giving up. Er…no. It’s pretty obvious Peter B. Parker is the Spider-Man we know and love who normally doesn’t give up but one string of failures after another has brought him to his lowest. But he rises back up again. Look Peter is supposed to be a representation of human beings. Human beings need people and need emotional support. When you lose those people and are alone you can go to a very dark place. That’s Peter B’s story. If Aunt May had been more involved but everything else went wrong (including her death) he’d have still wound up in the dark place he went to. Blonde Peter might’ve weathered May’s death better in theory but he had OTHER stuff in his life to keep him afloat. Peter B lost most everything. What horseshit it is to argue if Aunt May was different he’d have not given up.

There was no purpose for Aunt May being as old as she was or on the cusp of death in the original comics. Er…yeah there was. She was that old because it made her more vulnerable and thus accentuated the loss of her husband and the need for Peter to be her support network. It also internally justified why she was so frail and unwell. Old people usually have health problems. Duh! But then Bob admits there is a reason for those decisions. So he is contradicting himself.

Bob presumes Blonde Peter told Aunt May his secret even though there is no evidence in the movie to support that idea.

Kids today aren’t resentful of their grandparents like older generations were, that’s why Aunt May is played differently now. Um…Peter was never resentful of Aunt May in the first place. He sincerely loved her and felt he needed to pay her back for all she’d done for him.

‘Kids today have cool grandparents because 50% of them would have been hippies.’ Hippies aren’t cool. And never were. They were pretentious losers that hid behind causes as an excuse to do drugs and have lots of sex. Over half a century later the world they claimed to fight for and want to build has yet to materialise and in fact is in a lot of ways far worse off than it was before their generation rose to the seats of power. The hippy generation are part of the baby boomer generation that are so thoroughly mocked today. The people in power who’ve fucked up the job and housing market for consequent generations. These idiots literally spouted a dumbass theory earlier on about how first wave millenials have been thrown under the bus. Who do you think did that? The baby boomers, many of whom used  to be hippies! And NONE of this demands Aunt May has to be different. I have no problem with her being different in ITSV. But the idea of someone who used to be a hippy being doting? Being a worry wart? Why the Hell is that a dated concept?

These idiots clearly view the world aggressively through an identitarian and group weighted lens as opposed to how the world really is. I.e. 7 billion+ individuals

There was a weird amount of focus upon gangsters in the Spec Spidey cartoon considering it was for kids. Not really, the show was reverential of the original comics. The original comics (which were for children) had lots of gangsters

To the people who bitch and moan about getting another Spider-Man it doesn’t take away from the one you had before. No one was complaining about Miles as another Spider-Man in this movie. People weren’t claiming it ruins the Raimi movies or something. People resent it in the comics because it waters down the brand and makes Spider-Man himself less special when he is an ONGOING character. It’d be one thing maybe if the torch was passed from person to person. But nowadays it’s literally all of them co-existing.

Blah blah bah symbolism of a young black boy fighting a big WHITE business MAN. Blah blah blah this is the type of bad guy Miles would fight in real life blah blah blah…Jesus Christ… these people really just buy that type of Kool-aid in bulk don’t they? As if Miles, were he ‘real’ wouldn’t fight anyone who’s doing bad things. FFS they just got done talking about Tombstone from the Spec cartoon. Tombstone is an African American!  And he’s in this fucking movie. He’s not some weird fantastical guy, he’s a regular gangster who happens to be albino. That’s it. Miles fights him in this fucking movie! Miles first major adversary in the comics was the Prowler who was another African American. Miles wouldn’t JUST fight ‘evil white businessMEN’

‘As far as I know about Doc Ock from Superior Spider-Man, which is excellent’ Wow. So, as would be obvious with anyone with a working brain and some prior knowledge of Otto, Superior is garbage. And saying you are basing your assessments of Otto on Superior is like saying you have never known about the character

Doc Ock is in so many Spidey stories as a scientific assistant to other people because the Green Goblin is always either dead or completely untrustworthy. Bob really just said that huh? This is further proof Bob has read precious little Spider-Man material. Doc Ock is NOBODY’s assistant. Even in Secret Wars he had to be threatened into compliance by Doom himself when Ultron was his attack dog. Doc Ock isn’t recruited by other people for his genius, he is the mover and shaker. He recruits other people and is the man in charge. And who the fuck is looking to get the help of Norman Osborn because he’s a scientist? Not to mention Norman is untrustworthy, oh but Otto?????????? The guy who tried to nuke NYC???????? WTF is Bob talking about?

Since we are in the ‘age of heroes’ (whatever THAT means?) it is impossible for Spider-Man to not be mentored by some other hero. Er…yeah it is? This is obviously a defence of MCU Spider-Man and it holds no water. First of all DC and Marvel have had young heroes show up when there are a plethora of heroes around they’ve not had mentors. Second of all it’s entirely possible for Peter to not WANT a mentor and it’d be entirely believable that the other heroes might not see themselves as mentors or might mistrust him.

The Spider-Heroes take their grief and turn it into action. WHOA WHOA WHOA! Didn’t these guys say earlier that the movie preaches the heroes are more than their trauma? That they aren’t stapled to their origins? That they move on from it? What’s this change of tune all of a sudden?

Miles Dad was probably made into a cop to avoid having a difficult discussion about how the police would react to a black super hero or a black Spider-Man. Yeah, or it’s because you know…his Dad worked in law enforcement in the comics so you know…faithfulness. Also the police don’t discriminate against black heroes in the MCU except Luke Cage. Also, also not every fucking cop is racist. Also, also, also how would they know Miles is black his costume covers his whole body!

Miles Dad was super authoritarian. Dude. He didn’t like vigilantes and he followed basic rules like stopping not abusing police sirens. That’s hardly akin to being a jackbooted fascist.

Miles would’ve had a different relationship with authority and the police if his Dad hadn’t been a cop. Er…no not necessarily. First of all being the son of a cop doesn’t mean he’d have not experienced institutionalized racism from the police. Second of all even if he had experienced that he could still believe in justice and taking down obviously evil and dangerous people like Kingpin.

They never touched upon institutional racism from the police in Luke Cage which was for adults. Er, yes they did. The rapper in the later episodes of season 1 (the Bulletproof Love guy) stated he wasn’t going to call the police. The police were stopping and searching black men in their hunt for Cage. Black people wore shirts with holes in them in order to protect Cage and defy the cops. The rap mentioned how nobody was interested in protecting their neighbourhood.

Nobody wants the tell a superhero story about institutional racism within the authorities. Isn’t that literally Luke Cage’s origin? Didn’t Black Panther mention that earlier in the year ITSV was released.

I’m going to disagree that Miles fighting Kingpin was unnecessary because of the cultural connotations we talked about….God…You couldn’t just say ‘the main hero obviously has to defeat the main villain. Duh!’…

Dan Slott is a dang genius! As if you needed more proof these people are unqualified  to talk about Spider-Man…

Spider-Verse’s (the comic’s) fan service is what happens when you get Spider-Man fans to do the story vs. ITSV. Nah fam. ITSV is what happens when you get real fans who are talented  vs. Spider-Verse is what happens when you get a real fan who fundamentally misunderstands the characters and is a hack

There is no real Peter Parker. Who cares! The real Peter Parker is the original because he is the one everyone else is derivative of and therefore based upon. And fans AND creators and Marvel itself clearly care about that because they sure as fuck didn’t kill him  off so Miles could replace him. They killed off the secondary and surplus Ultimate Peter Parker. Treating the original version as the true  one doesn’t invalidate any other versions because they can still be great characters unto themselves. But given how disgustingly SJW this whole podcast has been I am unsurprised they go in for this participation trophy form of analysis where everything is equal all the time.

It also doesn’t invalidate the idea of Spider-Man being anyone. Spider-Man CAN be anyone. But not everyone can be Peter Parker. If we are going to say otherwise the praise these jackoffs lauded onto Miles for how his specific identity was explored is invalidated. Peter is Peter. Miles is Miles. They can both be Spider-Heroes worthy of the mantle.

Because Miles is a POC people who don’t look like Peter can believe they can be Spider-Man. I’m not arguing against Miles but seriously, that was the case before Miles existed. The showrunner of Spider-Man 1994 was an African American and he related to Peter Parker in the 1960s. Poc can relate to Spider-Man regardless of skin colour.

The original comic book version of Spider-Man isn’t the true one just because he is the original. Er….yeah. It seriously does precisely BECAUSE he is the version all the other ones are derivative of. Hence he’s from the PRIME universe. Shit the Spider-Verse comic book the movie takes mild inspiration from literally says that. Granted it then contradicts itself but the point still stands. Because he is the original one he IS the true one because without him the others would not exist. He is the canonical one!

The true 616 Spider-Man will never be in any adaptation because there is too much continuity…Yeah…so? How does that make him not  the original one in the broad context though when you compare every version?

Continuity is the killer of enjoyment when it comes to movies. No, this podcast is the killer of enjoyment. And btw, maybe ask all the people who went to see Infinity War earlier in the year ITSV was released and ask them if continuity ruined that movie for them. This is such a lazy, myopic attitude.

If continuity is used to exclude people it is bad. Good job nobody was ever saying ITSV shouldn’t exist because Miles isn’t Peter then

Infinity War is a fine movie even if you do not know who everybody is. No it isn’t. Infinity War is wholly inaccessible if you do not know who everyone is because it’s throwing dozens of characters at you with little-no context provided.

Black Panther is better than Infinity War, this proves continuity is bad. No. Black Panther not having to have it’s story wrapped up in everything else in the wider universe was what helped make it better. FFS, Winter Soldier is better than Avengers 2012 and that still relies upon plenty of continuity. Civil War is better than Thor the Dark World and the latter has way less continuity than the former. It’s not about having continuity it’s about how you use it. Black Panther was world building in it’s own corner. It wasn’t plugged in so directly to the wider universe the way Homecoming or FFH was. THAT’s what made it good but that’s not a continuity issue that’s a world building issue.

Continuity is toxic when you use it to claim a long running fantasy series didn’t satisfy you. Uh huh, hey do you wanna ask all the people who hated Game of Thrones’ final season that?

Oh, and one of the pundits, the one who bleeted on about Spidey as a ‘tEEnAgE WHITE mAle wish fUlLfiLmEnt fantasy!’ is a Hollywood actress. Now her views make waaaaaaaaaay too much sense

In conclusion…Sigh…For a podcast called School of Movies I think these guys need to go back to kindergarten.