#anyway when you can step away from fandom and not be affected by any of this then you know you’re privileged

[metagalacticx]

i’m actually tired of being pissed off at fandom stuff like i swear im not trying to be annoying on purpose but unfortunately i kinda spent most of my formative years on tumblr, in this fandom, and to see this kind of stuff still so prevalent is disheartening and it sucks i genuinely wish i didn’t care

[the-bat-writes-imagines]

A Sort of Affection

Fandom: Teen Wolf

Pairing: Peter Hale x McCall reader

Story Type: Angst, Fluff at the end.

Warnings: Age gap, violence, major character injury, near death experience, Peter is a little ooc, story not totally canon.

Summary: Scott's older sister, who is in her early 20's, is injured during a confrontation with Kali of the Alpha pack. She's human and therefore on the verge of death. Peter, despite his insistance that he is only out for himself, will do anything to help her.

...

You had a feeling you shouldn't have come out here with Peter, but you did it anyway. It was routine. You were trying to find evidence of where Noah and your mother were. Peter was headed to Ms. Blake's apartment to look for clues. You didn't trust him not to immediately act on anything he found without bringing it to the pack first. So you insisted on going with him.

There wasn't much to gather, other than the fact Ms. Blake clearly did not keep any evidence of her druid activities here. Honestly it didn't even seem like she actually even lived here. You should get back to the others and see if they were having better luck.

"Well, I don't think we're going to get much else from this place. Let's go back and meet up with the others?" You look to Peter, honestly expecting an argument. He never wanted to listen to anyone other than himself.

"Agreed."

"Well- wait what?!?" You ask in shock.

"I said, I agree, now let's get out of here." He gestures towards the door. You raised an eyebrow at him, trying to suppress a smirk. "What? I can be agreeable." He replies with mock offense.

"You? Peter Hale? Agreeable?" You shake your head in amusement.

"Yes, I can be very agreeable... as long as the person making the suggestion is not a complete idiot." He shrugs and you snort in amusement.

"So, I guess that means I'm not a complete idiot then?" You ask him as the two of you exit the apartment.

"You? No. Your brother and his friends however..." Peter trails off, feigning shame at the thought. You know him though, and you know there is not an ounce of shame there.

"Stop it." You playfully slap his abdomen with the back of your hand. "They're not idiots, you just think you're smarter than everyone else."

"I don't think that, I know it. Besides you're almost as smart as m-" Peter stops suddenly, just as you exit the building into a nearly empty parking garage. You turn back to him in surprise only to see one of the scariest sights you have ever seen. Peter Hale looking absolutely terrified.

"What is it?" You can hear the shakiness in your own voice.

"Get behind me." Peter steps forward and puts his arm out in front of you. Guiding you to stand behind him. That's when you hear it. The sickening scrape of claws on asphalt. Immediately you feel a shiver down your spine, cold sweat starting to trickle down your back. Kali.

"Well, well, well, look at this. A washed up, former alpha and McCall's pathetic human sister." She says with a sneer. A sadistic grin forming on her face. "Looks like this going to be easy." Peter leans forward into a fighting stance, a growl rumbling in his chest as he transforms. Claws and teeth extending. Kali smiles as she mirrors his stance.

"Y/N, run." Peter growls. You are frozen in fear for a moment before the two of them pounce at one another. As soon as the two collide you finally remember how to work your legs. You sprint as fast as you are able away from the wolves. Your breath immediately starting to become ragged. Damn asthma, never had you been so jealous of Scott no longer having to deal with his.

You make the mistake of looking behind you to see where Peter and Kali were. Only to see Peter on his own, staggering to his feet. Kali was nowhere to be seen.

"NOOO!" Peter roars out as you suddenly feel a hand on your neck. The wind is knocked out of you as you are lifted off your feet. Breath cut off by Kali's hand on your throat. You feel her claws drawing a bit of blood as they press into your skin. You struggle against her grip, but it's useless. She is too strong for you too fight. Peter is running toward the two of you as fast as he can.

"LET HER GO!!" He roars again. Kali cocks her head in intrigue, looking from Peter to you.

"Interesting." She says. Next thing you feel is your body flying through the air as Kali launches you at the wall of the building. You slam into the wall, head cracking against the stone before you crumple onto the ground. Your head is ringing, vision blurred as Peter runs toward you and Kali disappears from your sight.

"Y/N! Y/N! Are you okay?" Peter is frantic, face twisted with concern as he kneels down in front of you. You try to tell him you are fine, but all that comes out is weak groan. Peter takes in the damage done you. Checking the back of your head with his hand. Finding his fingers coated in blood as he pulls them away. Panic strikes him. He sees your eyes struggling to stay open as you try to focus on him.

"Y/N!" Peter shouts again. He pulls your limp body into his lap. That's when he notices your breathing. The shallow gasps as you struggle to catch your breath. Kali threw you against the wall so hard that you broke several ribs and one of them had punctured your lung. Peter didn't know that, but it was clear that the something was very, very wrong and he was terrified.

"Y/N, I'm going to need you to hold on baby. I'm going to call Derek and Scott. Just stay with me." Peter pulls his phone out and calls Derek.

The next few minutes are the longest of Peter's life as he prays the other two wolves get there in time. Holding you, taking as much of your pain away as he can. He is rethinking the whole night trying to see a way that this could have been prevented. Some way that he could have protected you.

"Y/N!" Scott's voice rang out across from across the lot. Peter sighed in relief as he saw Scott and Derek running toward the two of you.

"What the hell happened!!" Scott yells as they approach.

"Kali." Peter growled out, the name laced with rage. "She attacked us. Now, Derek help her!"

"What do mean 'Derek help her'? She needs to go to the hospital!" Interjects Scott.

"No, look at her Scott." Peter nods toward your limp form in his arms. "She's barely conscious and she can't breath! Scott, she's dying!" Peter's voice strains as he tells him.

"You want me to give her the bite?" Derek asks, standing above the three of you.

"The bite!" Scott is immediately terrified. "That can't be her only option."

"It is, Scott!" Peter insists. "She won't make it to the hospital, at least this will give her a chance." He is pleading now.

"He's right Scott." Derek adds. "Listen to her breathing." Scott looks at you, listening to your breath and hears it. You are fading and if they don't act quick, you will die.

"What if she doesn't want this?" Scott asks. Peter nearly looses it at Scott.

"Do you think she'd rather die!!" He shouts at Scott. "At least this will give her a chance. Please." Scott looks up at Derek.

"Do it." He says to Derek who simply nods in response. Derek kneels down next you and takes your arm. His eyes glow red and his fangs extend before he brings them up to your arm. The bite hurts. You groan in pain at the contact, fire lighting up in your veins. Peter takes your hand again easing your pain. All three of the wolves around you hold their breath as they wait for a sign of life.

A moment later and suddenly your breath evens out. There is a collective sigh of relief from all of them. Peter checks the injury to the back of your head.

"She's healing." He says.

"Thank god." Scott replies. "We should get her home."

"We're near my place, I'll take her back there to rest. You two go back to check on the others." Peter says as he stands up with you in his arms.

"I don't thi-"

"Scott, the others need you and she needs rest. I live right down the road. She can stay on my couch and I'll take care of her." Peter cuts Scott off before he protest, but Scott still looks unsure. Peter, in the most on brand move of the night, rolls his eyes. "And I'll make sure she calls you the second she wakes up, okay?"

"Fine." Scott grumbles.

Peter carried you all the way back to his apartment. You were unconscious for most of it. You stirred just enough to note him tucking you into bed and feel him press a gentle kiss to your forehead. Your last thought confusion over this sudden display of care from a man notorious for not caring about anyone other than himself.

...

The next morning you wake, warm and comfortable in a bed you don't recognize. For some reason you feel safe as you take in your surroundings. That's when you spot Peter, asleep in a chair next to the bed. The previous night starts to come back to you. Joking with Peter, then Kali, then pain and blood. Then your little brother was there and Derek. There was an argument. Then... a bite? That's right, Derek gave you the bite. You can't help yourself from pulling up your sleeve and inspecting the place where he bit you. There is obviously no mark, but you had to look anyway. Having a hard time processing that your whole life had changed last night and there wasn't even a scar to show it. You were so engrossed in your arm you don't notice Peter stirring.

"Are you okay?" He practically whispers. Your head jerks up at the sudden sound. You don't know how to answer him.

"Umm... I think so." Is the best you can manage. Peter stands up and steps toward before stopping himself. A look crossed his face, something you weren't familiar on him. Almost nervous?

"Okay, um, I'll go make some coffee." Peter quickly exits the room. You go to follow him, moving carefully expecting some pain or soreness. As you stand though, you realize you're fine. There's no pain, no sign of your injuries from last night. You need to talk to Peter about last night. There was something different about him last night. Peter was always out for himself. He only helped the pack when it meant saving himself. Yet last night he protected you. He put aside his own safety to care for you. He fought for you.

You quickly find Peter in the kitchen. Pausing for a moment to watch him move around the kitchen.

"Um, Peter are you okay?" You ask him as you lean against the doorframe. He pauses with two mugs in hand to look at you. He scoffs.

"Me? What could be wrong with me? I wasn't the one who got my brain scrambled like an egg last night." He shrugs, feigning nonchalance. You can't help but smile at him, seeing right through the deflection.

"You may not have gotten your brains scrambled last night, but you're acting like they're scrambled this morning." There was a bit of laughter to your tone, but neither of you really was in the mood to appreciate the joke.

"Maybe, but I guess I've got a lot to think about this morning." He responds quietly, almost to himself.

"Like what?" You ask. You take a few small steps further into the room, closer to him.

"You." He firmly places the mugs on the counter, seemingly in frustration. You take a few steps closer again until you're standing next to him.

"What about me?" Peter scoffs ever so lightly at your question. Leaning his head back and closing his eyes before he responds.

"Everything." His head hangs forward now. "Did you know when I first met you, when I first got brought back, I hated you. I saw the way you were with Scott and I knew in my very bones that I hated you. You were everything to Scott that I should have been for Derek. You have been there for him, protecting and loving him since the day he was born. Even after he was turned, you still set out to do everything you could to help him. I was jealous of the person that you were capable of being, the one that I could never seem to be." Peter leans on the counter palms pressed down onto it. He looked forward at the wall, refusing to look at you. You want to ask him what changed but decide it would be better to just let him speak. "Eventually though, that jealousy turned into a kind of admiration. I knew you were better than me and I started to realize that was a good thing. A great thing even. Then somewhere along the way that admiration morphed as well. It turned into a sort of..." Peter swallows hard like the word is difficult for him to say. "affection."

"Affection?" You ask quietly. He nods swallowing again.

"Once I recognized it, I couldn't let it go. Now it's practically all I think about." He runs a hand over his face. "All of sudden I can't help myself from wanting to be around you all of the time. Wanting to make sure that you're safe. Hell, last night when you volunteered to come with me I practically sighed with relief, because if you were with me I would know you were safe. I thought I would be able to protect you. I was clearly very wrong, but I thought I could." You step closer to him, placing your hand over his on the counter. He spreads his fingers so that you can intertwine yours with his before he continues. "I...I'm so sorry Y/N. When Kali went for you I thought my heart was going to rip itself out of my chest in fear. I... I should have stopped her, should have been faster." His head hangs low, eyes on the floor.

"But you did protect me, Peter." You say barely more than a whisper. "You did everything you could to keep her away from me. Then you stayed with me. Took away my pain. Made sure that my brother and Derek got to me in time."

"She should have never laid a hand on you." He responds sternly. "You should never have been hurt to begin with. And last night Scott was right. I made the choice for Derek to give the bite. I took that choice away from you, because I was too selfish to risk letting you go."

"You were right to push for the bite!" You respond in disbelief, causing him to turn to you for the first since you entered the kitchen.

"What?"

"Peter, if you hadn't pushed for the bite I would be dead. I'm not, because of you. I'm alive because of you. Maybe, I wouldn't have asked for this outside of a near death experience, but I'm glad that it happened. I know things are going to just get more complicated now, but at least I have some way to fight back. Some way to protect myself! Peter, if anything I'm grateful!" You plead with him, your other hand on his jaw to make him look at you. "You made me stronger and more importantly you kept me alive. Thank you."

"You're sure that you're okay with this?" He asks, making sure to look you in the eye as you respond.

"I'm sure. I want this and..." you trail off, making him nervous.

"What is it?"

"I...I want you." Peter can't help but let himself smile at that for second, but then his mask comes down. That stupid smirk of his comes out.

"Now there's something for the Beacon Hills' Top Ten Worst Ideas list." He says pulling back a bit.

"I mean it Peter. I've developed my own...sort of affection, for you." You say quietly. He looks at you, rolling his eyes, but he can't quite hide the smile that crosses his face. He is practically giddy hearing it, but he is Peter, so he can't let himself admit it.

"I still don't think that's a very good idea." He says it mockingly, but the tone isn't quite right. There is an undertone of sincerity there that you can hear. When you don't respond to him, he continues. "Everyone would hate it, especially your brother. I think the funny one wouldn't shut up about it for at least a year. Derek would brood over it for months. And Lydia - " You cut off his rant taking both of his hands in yours.

"Peter, I. Don't. Care. Scott and Stiles and Derek and whoever else can complain about it all they want. I still want this, with you."

"You really do mean that, don't you?" Peter stares directly into your eyes and you nod. He finds himself nodding with you before he leans down and presses his lips to yours. It's a gentle kiss at first, but you put your arms around his neck to pull him closer and he can't help himself. He wraps his arms around you and deepens the kiss. You don't want him to stop, but all of a sudden he pulls his head away. Arms not leaving your waist. He's looking at the apartment door, then he turns to you.

"I forgot to make you call your brother and now he's here." Just as Peter finishes his sentence a loud knocking proceeds at the door.

"Y/N!!" Calls your brother's voice from the other side of the door.

"Well, this is going to be fun." You say looking at Peter, still smiling to yourself when you make eye contact with him.

[brokenpieces-72]

Could I request a Gotham Knights request where r is the youngest knight who struggles with self-confidence and takes a hit for the knights when out on patrol due to this and they go big sibling mode?

Nice to see a request from another fandom. If I misunderstood the wording let me know, but I’m assuming the reader takes a hit for the knight and the knight goes big sibling mode.

Squire

You’re the youngest, the smallest, and the easiest to be tossed around. You have good instincts where it counts but you’re not always sure of yourself. During the day, you struggle with standing up for yourself, because sometimes you think they’re right. It’s started to affect your night life a little, putting doubt in your mind which affects your performance. This behaviour doesn’t go unnoticed.

Barbara notices almost immediately, as you keep returning to the clocktower with more scrapes and bruises. She sees you training plenty, so she knows you can drop some of those goons like a bad habit. You spar with the others too. What was going on?

When the two of you are on patrol you run into some goons and at first Barbara has it taken care of. You get cornered by a couple but you have it mostly in hand. Then you see one trying to flank her. You knocked out the one you were dealing with, and was able to grab Barbara’s attacker. He had a baton of some kind but you don’t get a good look before he hits you, when you get between him and his intended target. The hit is pretty nasty, but not hospital warranted. Once the goons are dealt with, Babs gets you back to the clocktower.

By this point if you don’t tell her what’s going on she was baring you from patrol duty. You don’t say much, and you don’t often say much anyways. As she’s putting the wrappings on your arm and you’re holding an ice pack to your bruised eye you tell her you’re fine. Yeah right, she wasn’t born yesterday. You don’t know what else she wants you to say. What’s been going on lately, during the day. Well, you don’t always feel sure of yourself, because people keep saying you’re not good enough. That you’re not doing enough and still getting away with it. You aren’t meeting their expectations, and that you aren’t setting high enough goals for yourself.

Barbara lets you vent more about it, telling stories of things teachers have said, coworkers putting their tasks on you, and all the while you’re running on little sleep. There was some tears, not really sobs. Babs doesn’t need a super computer or even her glasses to see your lack of confidence.

You stepped in between her and a guy ready to take a hard swing at her, a swing that may have killed her, and you stopped it and took it. But that was just adrenaline surely. No it wasn’t. You have plenty to live for in your life, you know people care about you, and you knew deep down, that you could take the hit. That you could protect people, and the ones you love.

You’re still barred from patrol for a while to heal your injuries, but Babs goes extra sister mode and says that if you need help with any projects or homework, she will help where she can, if only to give you extra reassurance.

Tim doesn’t share the same classes with you, but he notices you in the hallways and… yeah he’s noticed you having teachers and even other students breathing down your neck for a variety of things. He’s stood up for you before, especially with that group project where you did everything, told the teacher you did, and the teacher told you it could’ve been done better. Yeah that ticked him off enough to go to the higher ups of the school. When he sees how you are at night, he can tell that stuff has been bothering you. Hell, he’s had that feeling before.

While you keeping watch, and he was hacking into a computer, a couple of guys were trying to break down the door. Tim was almost done, he just needed a couple more second-fuck! The door got blasted off, and would’ve hit Tim if you hadn’t blocked it with yourself. You have bracers on your arms, so they take most of the damage that door would have done, damn it hurts though. Focus. Take em down, then get out.

Back at the clocktower, Tim thanks you for taking the hit. The impact left some internal bruising, but it would heal in time. You tell him you should have just pulled him away from the computer. He points out, the files they got would have been destroyed instead of retrieved. Still you should have barred the door, or posted up outside the door to keep them from getting in, or- Tim cuts you off. How the hell would you have accounted for that stuff? The mission was a success, you got the files and you kicked butt in the process. If all you do is fixate on what could have been, you’ll have too many ideas running through your head to act when you need to. But what if your first idea totally sucks? Then you learn from it and try again next time.

Tim tells you that you can’t let self-confidence get in the way of a judgement call, especially in a situation like that. Did you take a hard hit? Yes. Did you get the files? Yes! It won’t be easy, but if he’ll help you with your self confidence, and if that means reminding you each time that you’re doing a good job, then so be it. Hell, he’ll text you every day before class.

Dick knows self confidence can be hard, he’s a performer. Grayson also knows what you can do. Big sibling mode is not a thing for him, it’s just default Grayson. During sparring, he notices you’ll try to flee from attacks rather than guard or dodge. It’s one thing to step back, it’s another to scurry away. There’s plenty of times where he’ll have you just plant your feet to remind you it’s only practice, the batons won’t hurt when you have guards on. Soft swing, normal swing, harder swi- you flee again.

Grayson is still concerned when you two go out, investigating a warehouse that had a few thugs. He was ready to drop down on them, but not before asking if you can handle yourself. The question leaves you with plenty of self doubt. He accounted for this ahead of time, knowing you may not be up for it. He reminds you it’s only a couple of thugs for each of you. Yeah, you can do this. No problem. There wasn’t much of a problem either, you plant your feet, and are able to avoid most hits.

Then you hear the sound of something sharp and metal. You look over and Grayson is dealing with a knife now. A skilled knife. You’re stealing glances in between blows, and knife user is giving Grayson a run for his money. Once you have your current thug knocked down you rush over, seeing Grayson get punched in the face hard. The knife comes down on a dazed Grayson but you grab it, shoving it away, so it just gives a cut to shoulder. You take the stumble from your quick intervention, to kick the guy to ground. Once Grayson recovers, he takes the guy down.

A quick call and the police are on their way, while you’re gritting your teeth. Grayson didn’t see it before, but your hands are bleeding from grabbing the knife, as is your shoulder. As soon as the cops can be heard, he has you on the bike, driving to the clock tower, being careful not to make any hard turns since you can’t have on to him very easily.

The alcohol stings and you feel pretty foolish for grabbing the knife by the blade. Thankfully it wasn’t too deep, so stitches weren’t necessary, but bandages were and that also meant no fighting for a while. Once you’re all bandaged up, Grayson asks what’s been going on lately. You kept fleeing and he noticed you flinching quite a bit during the fight. You try to act like nothing is going on, and that his issue was with you grabbing the blade, but he’s persistent. You shrug, cause you don’t know, it was all so unreal sometimes, that you’re a vigilante fighting to protect your home. Yet during the day you couldn’t fight back against the ones who kept trying to take your stuff or told you you weren’t good enough.

You’re plenty good enough. Grayson reminds you of everything you’ve been able to pull off, all the fights you’ve won, all the bad guys you’ve brought to justice, and all of the hard work you’re doing now. You’re kicking ass, so don’t stop just because not everyone knows it. You’re trying not to tear up but Grayson gives you a hug, and yep, now you’re crying. Don’t say sorry, you’re doing great. Want to watch a horrible show that you can both mock and laugh at? You pick, he’ll get snacks.

Jason had been preoccupied with a lead, so he wasn’t paying you much mind. Your shooting was his main concern, since you were his little sniper buddy, dropping bad guys from a safe place. You wanted to get into the full action though. Jason wasn’t sure, but as long as you kept yourself out of the way he would allow it. You feel useless sometimes, only watching from above. You miss criminals which means Jason has to go after them or they get away. There’s also been some criminals who decide to make rude remarks about you being some child.

Jason had his main lead cornered, giving the guy a proper beating as well. You had been down there with him among the shipping crates that covered you from view of any cameras. Jason wasn’t sure if coast was as clear as he wanted, so you went looking for any stragglers. The concerns were warranted as you found a guy perched on one of the crates, taking aim. You don’t know whether the target is the lead or Jason, you don’t care either. Without another thought you run at the guy, not bothering with your own weapon, and shout.

The wrestle for the gunman’s weapon goes poorly. Jason takes notice, but by the time he turns there’s a gunshot, and you fall back, landing hard against the concrete below. Immediately, Jason has his gun out and fires on the gunman who isn’t quick enough to retreat. Once he knocks out the lead he hurries over to your crumpled body. He’s panicked too, thinking you may have just gotten yourself killed. The wound is a graze on your hip, nasty but not fatal. You’re gasping, trying to get air back in your lungs. Jason doesn’t hesitate to get the lower part of your mask off, letting you breathe easier.

Once you’re breathing and he gets something around the wound to soak up the blood, he gets you back to the clocktower. It’s not a fun time. Jason’s bedside manner is lacking. You literally took a bullet for him, all because he let you stay on the ground. He was so stupid. You watch him patch you up, grumbling to himself. Without thinking you apologize. Jason finishes up and gives you a look of, “where did that come from”.

You shouldn’t have overstepped. This lead was important and you just made it more difficult. Not only that you put your at risk, if you had been up on the crates you would’ve been fine. Instead you caused unnecessary risk. Jason sits there listening to you feel ashamed, and then call yourself a “stupid kid” and “childish”. Fucks sake he shouldn’t have to tell you this.

You’re a Robin now, maybe not like the rest of them. Doesn’t change the fact they were all young once and took risks. Everyone starts somewhere, and when you’re the youngest you have plenty of doubts. Confidence isn’t your strongest feature, but honestly he didn’t know many others your age who had the guts to take up a rifle and fight back against all the shit on these streets. If anything he blamed himself for not noticing you were struggling to begin with. You try to deflect blame back on to yourself and he settles for it being neither of your faults.

You’re not going out for a while, not with your injuries. Honestly it’s a miracle you didn’t do more damage. For now, you need to take care of yourself, and remind yourself that you’re more badass than you give yourself credit for. First get some rest, and then tomorrow night you’ll walk around as a civillian, focusing on some self care and he’ll be close by on his patrol. You don’t need to take crazy risks, that’s his job. He’s proud of you though.

Taglist: @yourlovely-moon @kaoyamamegami @h0n3y-l3m0n05 @sans-chara @1mommyrose4ever29 @smitten-haematite-quartz @talia-the-gemini @yuki2129 @whitetiger846 @graystorm444 @chibiduck @reaperxxxxzz @danielle143 @sobbingnshtting @cringeycookies @cryingpages @dcnocap207 @reaper-chan666 @bestbookfriends @thriving-n-jiving

[icarus-summer]

Wrote a swercy moment at the 3AM yesterday. Wasn't going to post it, but I thought maybe this would encourage the fandom to write more stuff!

It's essentially A Light Or Somethin' from Mercy's poin of view

•

"What's wrong? Kiss me."

Mercy had never been rejected before. The boys would trip over their feet to get a kiss from her. The girls too. Some of the orphans were actually so desperate that they tried to steal it anyway. So when Swan turned away from her approaching lips, she didn't understand.

"You know, from the moment we came up town, everything's gone wrong." Swan took a step back. "Let's just keep walking."

Mercy felt her lip quiver. She only knew Swan and the rest of the Warriors for what, a few hours? But it felt like it'd been months. Years. Like she knew those women all her life and was just waiting to be reminded of it. No one got her like they did. They had fought together, that had to mean something, right?

Maybe batting some clowns together was not the ideal first date, but Mercy had fun. She felt light and free and happy and a bunch of other things she didn't knew she could feel.

"If I'm everything wrong, why'd you keep me along?" she asked, trying her best to hide the shakiness of her voice. "Tell me."

Swan didn't say anything, just kept still, her back facing the other woman.

"Why stick up for a stranger in spite of the danger?" She took a step foward and held Swan's hand. "Tell me."

Swan turned just slightly, so Mercy could only read half of her expression. Mercy wished she knew what any of that meant.

"Look at me!" She pulled Swan by the shoulders. "What in the hell are you looking for?"

And why wasn't it her? Why couldn't it be her? Swan tried to turn away again, but this time Mercy decided she wouldn't let her. She grabbed her wrist to try to put her hand on her face again. At least so that Swan could look in her eyes.

"Look at me! God, let me know what you're looking for..."

Swan pulled her arm away. It was too dark to see her face right, but she looked upset. Well, Mercy felt the same. She was sick of running away, tired of staying in the background. If only Swan could see what she saw.

"Don't know what you want from me, don't know what you think you see in me." She gave a disheartened laugh, while passing her hand through her hair. Mercy wished she could do the same. Swan's curly hair looked so soft.

How could she think that? How could she not see how perfect she was? Swan was probably the bravest, most courageous, gorgeus and strong woman that Mercy met. No one could compare.

She opened her mouth to say something, but Swan cutted her off immediately.

"Don't tell me you believe in me, you don't even know me! You lonely? You'll be just as lonely in Coney!"

Mercy crossed her arms, uncomfortable on how much Swan seemed to be able to read her. Yes, she was lonely. She was lonely all her life. At seeing how affected Mercy was, Swan's voice gone softer. Her hand went for Mercys arm, close, but not enough to touch her. Mercy's entire body seemed to yearn for Swan's touch.

"Look, I've been in and out of juvie, I was sleeping under the boardwalk when the Warriors came and claimed me. Cleon took me in and named me Swan. Now Cleon's gone, and tonight can't be undone, nothing done can be undone."

Mercy understood that. There was a reason why she was with the orphans. She also had no one. However, unlike Swan, she never had a connection to the Orphans. And before Swan, she never realized how much she craved for it.

"I'm beat up, I'm broken..."

That was not true. Maybe if Swan could just see how Mercy looked at. Of she could see how her eyes lighted up.

"Look at me."

"Do not put your hope in me."

Mercy wasn't going to give up. It wasn't like her. Giving their height difference, Mercy got on her tip toes and pulled Swan's face close to hers.

"What do you see?"

Swan didn't pulled away this time. She reciprocated the gesture, with one hand on her ace and the other safely on her waist.

"Mercy, what do you want me to say? That you're beautiful? Because I think we all know that you're beautiful. You're more than beautiful!"

Mercy felt her heartbeat accelarate even more.

"...More than beautiful?"

She almost wanted to cry. In all her life, she felt like a failure. Like an abnormality. Her beauty was all she had. And it was hard to be beautiful when you lived like she did.

But no one ever saw her more than that. A girl. A beautiful girl. But still a girl.

"You're more than your body! More than these lips..." She rested her hand on Mercy's cheek. Her thumb caressed Mercy's parted lips. "And if we ever someone get out of this place..."

"Then we'll go?"

At the same time Swan said:

"Then you'll go."

No. No, no. Why? Swan was doing this again. Trying to push her away. They could be so good together.

"Find something new."

Swan really couldn't see, could she? She couldn't see how Mercy already had found what she wanted. And it was right in front of her.

"It's all new!"

There was something that both of them could agree on. The light on the end on that tunnel had nothing on them.

Mercy thought Swan was finally ging to kiss her, but then they heard a train noise. Quickly, Swan pushed her against the wall of the tunnel and used her own body as protection.

After the train passed, they knew their moment was gone. They needed to keep walking. They need to get to Union Square. They need to find the rest of the warriors.

"Keep walkin'."

Swan pulled away, but offered her hand to Mercy to hold, which the woman gladly took it. With her free hand, Mercy pointed to the now visible end of the tunnel.

"I think I see a light or somethin'"

[nicolashippinghouse]

Just want to remind people of something: careful not to fall into some people's gaslighting. The backlash of some people about Nicola and Jake was veery much inflated by these same people, the shippers of Luke and Nicola. To the general audience, Jake and Nicola became a thing with the APE festival. It was everywhere, magazines, newspapers, news portals. They all called him her new boyfriend. and The public reaction was above 90% positive, in comments, likes and engagement. To the public, that was the reaction and that was the launch. NY and hand holding video was a fandom thing. The people reacting to it, was fandom. The people who were still unconvinced of her dating him was that part of the fandom, not the public. To the public, it was already old news. So, the reaction we see for NY and Hand Holding, and their relationship, was within the fandom. No magazines, Newspaper posted and even DM was only a story repost, deleted few hours later by the original posted, so the hate and anger we saw was clearly coming from the shippers. I'm saying that because it's obvious but some end up not noticing and falling for their narrative. Nicola's fans in huge majority support her happiness and don't care that she's dating Jake, the GA was very much supportive when they were informed of her dating Jake, only one group is loudly against, hating and bashing, lashing out: Lukola shippers. They are loud and they want to make seem like it's a general opinion, which is clearly not, as i pointed out. Just like they tried gaslighting people from the truth about Nicola and Jake, they keep gaslighting others into a narrative of this being negative to Nicola, it's just another form of thinking they can make her do what they want, if they create a situation of image where her relationship is negatively affecting her. It's pure manipulative nonsense. I mean, it comes from people who lie about deleted tags, about her team contacting people, about her 'running away' scared and that's why they grabbed each others hands...learn how to trace their obvious pattern. Check who is saying what at where. When you start to follow the narratives, you can see very clear who are the people who hate them together and will use any excuse to deny it. Another small thing: don't fall for the drama some want to create. One day it's people trying to make you spiral over songs, another over IG likes...be smart. Nicola ( and Jake too) is smart, and if she decided to take a public step, she considered the possible outcomes and she did it anyway, it's important to her, it means something, so just relax and see how things carry on.

Thank you for this!!!

[kltira]

Hiya! May I request mondo and kazuichi with an s/o that is very shy but is also very cuddly and their main love language is touch? I'm sorry if this is too much!! And may I be an 🌺anon? tysm!! <3 <3

┊₊˚{☁️}  “Loving your touch” ₊˚꒦｡

꒦꒷︶꒷ ꔫ Requested by...꒱꒱ @Anon 🌺 ( #cutiekittysender : Anon🌺)

ꔫ Fandom꒱꒱ Danganronpa

ꔫ Genre ꒱꒱ Fluff {100% sfw}

ꔫ Type and pairing꒱꒱ Imagines (x reader) ꔫ Featuring꒱꒱ Mondo, Kazuichi

ꔫ Pronouns꒱꒱ They/Them, GN reader

ꔫ Content Warning(s)꒱꒱ Danganronpa spoilers, pet names, suggestive if you *really* squint

ꔫ Summary꒱꒱ You've been dating your lover for a while, but you still have shy moments. However, you don't hide the fact that you adore their touches and cuddles so much.

ꔫ Author note(s)꒱꒱ Yippeeee!!! I'm writing again! :D I hope you enjoy <33 Super cute request!!!!

Mondo is super overprotective, it's often he would have your hand in his

Of course, this made you blush at the sudden initiation of affection

He would also blush though >:3

He feels so manly when your in contact with him as he feels as he could keep you safe no matter what

Don't worry, he knows you can take care of yourself but he wants to do it for you so you never have to lift a finger

Anyway, he doesn't give a shit and will proudly give you PDA if you enjoy it

If not, it's okay; he would be super cuddly with you in private as well, putting you on his lap and kissing your temple. ୨₊˚‿︵‿꒰🌸꒱‿︵‿˚₊୧ Mondo had his arm wrapped around you on the bench in the park as you licked the ice cream he bought for you. Your relationship being new to the public, many people stared at both of you, especially Mondo, who was an ultimate and a feared one, making it destined to happen. After a bit, you noticed, felt insecure, and got shy. You twiddled your thumbs for a second before tugging on Mondo’s jacket. “Ah, can we proceed to our dorm?” you asked, a blush on your face. The desire to cuddle him remained, but the disapproving glances made you feel as though it was inappropriate. Consequently, you concluded that the best course of action would be to cuddle in the privacy of your dorms. Mondo was a bit confused, but he soon put two and two together and nodded, helping you off the bench by guiding your hand and giving it a small kiss. In your dorm, Mondo hung his coat on the rack before helping you with yours. Mondo, despite looking tough, always treated you with gentleness. Once you two were settled, you embraced him and nuzzled your face against the chest part of his shirt. Soon, he took you to your bed as you got yourself comfortable on top of him. Mondo brushed his fingers through your hair. Moments like these were common between you two, but they were always special and made butterflies flutter in your stomach. “I love ya,” Mondo stated, lifting your chin as he kissed your lips. Bright red ran across your face, a little surprised, but you kissed back, your pupils dilated and just filled with pure joy. “I love you too, handsome,” you replied with a wink before going back to laying on his chest and nuzzling yourself against the biker. As you snuggled closer to Mondo, the warmth of his embrace enveloped you, melting away any lingering insecurities from the public gaze earlier. His heartbeat felt like a soothing rhythm against your cheek, and smelling his cologne mixed with the faint hint of leather from his jacket was comforting. With a contented sigh, you closed your eyes, relishing in the moment's intimacy. Mondo’s hand continued to caress your hair in a tender gesture, his touch conveying a sense of safety and affection that made your heart swell with happiness. Drifting into blissful relaxation, you couldn't help but feel grateful for someone like Mondo. He made every moment special.

You would have to initiate it with him. He’s really all talk and no bark

Meaning, even if he flirts like crazy, touching seems like too big of a step for him to do on his own

….even if you’ve been dating for a while. It gets better, but he would still prefer you to initiate physical contact first.

Blushes like CRAZY and squeals in joy sometimes when you hug him, hold his hand, kiss him

You get a bit nervous from the squealing, thinking you did something wrong at first, but he just leans into your kiss sweetly ୨₊˚‿︵‿꒰🌸꒱‿︵‿˚₊୧ Nervously, your heart fluttered as you stood at entering Kazuichi Souda’s workshop. While you had been dating the Ultimate Mechanic for a while now, his constant flirtations never failed to make you blush, but starting physical contact was always daunting. You skipped over to his workshop where Kazuichi would often be at. You open the door and peeked through, spotting the vibrant yellow jumpsuit he wore while working and his neon pink hair you often would play with. With unwavering concentration, Kazuichi skillfully wielded the wrench to fix the car, blocking out any distractions. You took a few steps inside with a smile on your face as you tapped your boyfriend on the shoulder. Kazuichi gets a bit startled, dropping his wrench before turning around and facing you. “Ahhh, I’m sorry Kazu!!” you blurted, picking up his wrench and handing it back to him. He blushed as his hand placed against yours, retrieving the wrench. “[Y-Y/N], I didn’t hear you come in...” Kazuichi squeaked, a blush following over his face looking at how stunning you were eyeing you up and down; he will never get over that you were his. You stared at him for a moment, curious about his staring, but you didn’t mention it, just giving a small chuckle. After a few moments of you just admiring how hard-working your boyfriend is and just giving him googly eyes, without warning, you just jump into his arms and pulling the mechanic into a tight, loving hug. Kazuichi froze for a second before returning the hug, his arms wrapping around you. He could feel his heart racing in his chest, the warmth of your embrace soothing his nerves. You took his face in yours and kissed his cheek playfully, making a dramatic popping noise before going back to admiring the pink-haired boy. Despite it being a daily occurrence, Kazuichi looked stunned and held you close with a blushing face. “... I uh- Do you? Do you wanna go to the bedroom?” he scratched behind his head, waiting for you to answer him, and answer you did with a soft nod and a smile. Your happiness stemmed from getting your boyfriend to spend some time with you. You were the only one he would drop his work for. You both leave the discarded car parts and half fixed car be as you dragged Kazuichi to your shared bedroom.

[sealeneee]

what's this. this bitch writes sometimes.

fandom: swtor

«failures», 762 words, pg-13, gen

warnings: swearing, suicidal themes, possible ooc

characters: theron shan & katona nardanna (oc); don't tag as ship

if you notice any typos/mistakes please let me know

Night has long fallen on Odessen as the Commander effortlessly steps over the railing of the base's roof. Carefully keeping her balance at the very edge, she grabs the banisters behind her, flinching at the coolness of the metal. Someone with a less grim mood would probably admire the starry void above.

"Going somewhere?"

The man's voice is rather casual for the situation he's facing. Katona smirks. At least he knows better than to get all teary-eyed at her.

"Yeah, wanted to go grab some bantha milk."

"What, you'd leave your kids all alone? I knew you were capable of cruelty, but that seems excessive even for you."

"«Kids», hah. Half the base's older than me, Theron."

"Aww, we're all still your little ducklings. Don't be silly."

The half-sincere, half-sarcastic tone of the conversation doesn't change. It has always been like that for them — masks of fake cheer not strong enough to cover the bleak nature of the conversation, but enough to chase away the heartrending unease of talking about your feelings.

"Seriously, though. What's bothering you? No promises on a resolution, of course, but I can offer things like getting blackout drunk or wreaking havoc."

"I already do the latter almost on a daily basis, Shan."

"True. So?"

"So."

The silence stretches for a couple minutes. It's never truly quiet — the soft hum of the electricity and the distant sounds of the local wildlife fill the void.

"I just feel like... like I'm running in circles. Powerless. Chasing shadows. Grasping at the faintest leads, and feeling them slip away from my fingers. I've accomplished nothing so far."

"Tona. You have an entire military base under your command."

"That was all Lana. I didn't even know it existed", she gestures at the buildings below them. "I didn't even want to lead this! But as usual, nobody else can, blah blah, it falls to me." The dramatic offense in her voice is insincere, playful.

"Right. And the killing of the Emperor was Lana too?"

"No, but if you didn't notice," she taps her temple, "that wasn't very successful either."

"Jeez. You really find a way to undermine all of your achievements."

"I'm just stating the obvious. I've failed spectacularly in many aspects of my life." Katona chuckles and shifts her weight, still balancing on the edge of the building. "Yet somehow that hasn't stopped people from assigning more shit to me."

"I don't see how most things in your life can be categorized as «failures»."

"Let's go through the list, then. Getting rid of the Emperor? Certainly didn't work out. Stopping his kids? Work in progress. Makeb? Not sure, but I was chewed out by Saresh anyway–"

"Hey, as if she doesn't chew everyone out for everything."

"Not the point. Still wasn't a good result. You know what else wasn't a good result? Fucking Ziost."

Theron's face darkens at the mention of the Imperial world. The failure of that operation can't be attributed to a single person, but he always seemed more affected by it than the rest.

"Anyway", Katona continues, not pausing to take a breath, "you get the point. I've failed many times. Guess the biggest failure is at being a Jedi — don't think I need to elaborate that one to you."

"No, you don't. But you know what?", he steps closer to the rails, "you're not the only one who failed at being Jedi here, Tona."

Katona turns to look at him, her expression skeptical. What he said is somewhat true, but the circumstances couldn't be more different. Theron doesn't stop at that.

"From one failed Jedi to another, let me tell you this. It gets better. Not quickly, that's for sure. But it does. And for days when it doesn't, I'll be here for you. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who shares the sentiment."

She doesn't answer him for a bit. When she finally does, her voice is softer, almost a whisper.

"Thanks." She smiles gently, turning her head to look at him. "So that's what we are, huh?"

"Yeah. Two nocturnal fuck-ups standing on a roof in the middle of the night."

Katona snorts.

"You came here of your own volition."

"Yeah, and now my volition says we're both leaving. You need at least a few hours of sleep."

Theron outstretches a hand, and Katona takes it, hopping back over the metal fence. The stars above them are just as uncaring, and the night air is just as cold, but something about the atmosphere doesn't feel as hostile and unwelcoming anymore.

[shewasverynice]

Fandoms: 呪術廻戦 | Jujutsu Kaisen 

⚠️ SPOILER HEAVY ⚠️

Major Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death 

Full tags/warnings on Chapter links post

Major Characters: Original Character, Gojo Satoru, Geto Suguru, Ieiri Shoko, Yaga Masamichi, Nanami Kento, Haibara Yu, Tsukumo Yuki, Choso

‎‧₊˚✧ Chapter 24 ✧˚₊‧

"If you fail, the repercussions could greatly affect society," Yaga had said, "Don't screw this up."

Satoru sipped at his drink as he mulled over those words for the second time. The first time he'd heard them he just thought that Yaga was exaggerating. "Surely it wouldn't be all THAT bad if Tengen evolved or whatever" he remembered thinking.

Holy shit was THAT wrong.

"What's wrong?" Suguru asked, shifting closer as they walked down the sidewalk towards the apartment building Amanai lived in.

"Ah, it's nothing," Satoru said with a grin, "But uh, you're still game to get the girl out of here right?"

"Of course," Suguru said with a smile, "She shouldn't have to die so some old geezer gets to live a little longer."

"Right, right," Satoru nodded, crushing up his can with his technique before tossing it in a bin nearby, "Yeah, I figured you wouldn't change your mind."

Suguru tilted his head then bumped his shoulder against Satoru's. His smile twisted into that trademark suspicious looking smirk, his thin eyes closed just like a fox. "That's not all, is it?" He asked, pushing at Satoru and almost knocking him off the sidewalk. 

Satoru stared at him from behind his sunglasses, then huffed and pushed them up. Suguru always was good at reading him. 

"Yeah, alright, that's not all," he sighed, "But it's not something I want to talk about."

How could he? What was he supposed to tell him? The whole thing? Everything? No. No way. Absolutely not. That would be insane. He might believe him which might be troublesome for later. After all, a lot was riding on Suguru's mental stability. Better to not shake him up with some crazy information.

"Are you sure?" Suguru asked, his brows knitting together in concern, "Because I--"

"No, I really don't," Satoru said flatly, cutting him off and moving a few steps ahead.

Suguru frowned. Satoru hated it when he looked like that at him. Nothing made him more irritable than being worried about for no reason. He was untouchable. Suguru should be worried about himself first and whatever it was that turned him so harshly to evil.

Suguru sighed heavily, straightening up again. He shook his head, shoving his hands on his pockets and stared at the back of Satoru's head as he continued. "You're so stubborn," he muttered.

"Of course I am!" Satoru hissed, throwing his hands up dramatically, "I'm stubborn and rude and over the top. Everyone says that. That's not new."

"Yes, you are," Suguru hissed right back, "But you don't have to be. Especially not with me."

"Well don't ask about shit if I don't want to talk about it," Satoru grumbled, "Just leave me to deal with it myself."

"That's not how relationships work, Satoru," Suguru said with another heavy sigh, "You need to trust me. Maybe I can help with more than you think."

"I do trust you!" Satoru said, lifting up his sunglasses and stopping in his tracks. Really looking into his boyfriend's eyes and practically pleading. "Don't say that! I trust you!

"Satoru," Suguru said softly, stepping closer. He gently placed his hands on Satoru's arm, smiling at him with a genuine sweetness. "Relax. I know you trust me with your head, but not with your heart. You're going to need to let me help you when you're worried."

Satoru's lips parted but nothing came out. Instead he pushed up his sunglasses. "Please don't push this one," he said softly, "I... Any other time would be better for a lesson or whatever, but not this time."

Suguru let his hands fall away, nodding a little. The twitch of sadness in his smile wasn’t missed by Satoru, but he chose not to acknowledge it. Talking about this wouldn’t make him feel any better anyway. The best thing Satoru could do now was to keep his eyes open and pay close attention to anything that may have changed and be successful this time.

He’d already taken care of Q and The Star Religious group and even killed Toji. None of that guaranteed that Amanai was safe, but it certainly made for an easier mission. Three days to get her to Tengen, just like before, but this time she had time to “say her goodbyes”. Or at least the girl probably thought so.

All of them had agreed. Nanami, Haibara, Suguru, Sarah and Shoko had without hesitation agreed to give Amanai another chance and get her out of there. Even if they had to fight every single sorcerer on the planet, they were going to make it happen. Amanai deserved a life and they weren’t going to let anything get in their way.

His part in the plan was relatively simple: use the three days to get her as far away as possible. The rest of it was some complex plan that Nanami and Suguru had come up with, most of which Satoru hadn’t really paid attention to. What he did know was he was going to get her on a plane and overseas. Once she was there they’d take her somewhere where she and Kuroi could be off the grid and hide out until the higher-ups moved on. Everything would work out just fine.

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

“What do you mean, “run away” and hide out?” Amanai shouted, jumping out of her seat, “Are you out of your mind? This is a sacred duty and I–”

“Yeah, yeah, duty and whatever,” Satoru grumbled, waving his hand dismissively, “Do you think your life’s only value is only in this one thing about you? That you were just born to die for an old man in a basement?”

“I believe Master Tengen was originally female,” Suguru corrected and Satoru pointed at him then looked back at Amanai.

“Alright, some old hag in the basement, whatever,” He said with a shrug before leaning back and crossing one long leg over the other. Jutting his chin towards Amanai he asked, “Point is, are you just gonna let someone else decide how to live your life or are you gonna take control?”

Amanai’s hands slowly curled into fists, her jaw still dropped and eyes flicking between Satoru and Suguru. Kuroi hadn’t said a word since the boys had explained their plan. Her hands trembled just a little as her mouth started to form some sort of protest before she shut it. She pressed her lips into a thin line before she stormed out of the room, muttering about getting ready for school.

Kuroi watched her disappear into her room before she turned to face the boys. She shook her head and quietly said, “While I do appreciate your mindset, I’m not sure this is the right thing.” Her fingers wound together in front of her, twisting nervously. “I do wish she could have a good long life, but if she–”

“Then why say no?” Suguru asked, “Talk to her. Explain how you feel. She’s lived her life as if she only had limited time and we’re giving her more. It’s a simple thing, isn’t it? Just tell her she doesn’t have to die.”

Kuroi hesitated. One of her hands came up to her lips, covering her mouth as her eyes fell to the floor. Finally she nodded, then followed Amanai into her room.

“Man, I thought she’d just agree,” Satoru sighed, dropping his head onto the backrest of the couch, “Why is she so unsure? It seems pretty obvious to me.”

“Well, I’d imagine it would be difficult to hear,” Suguru said with a soft chuckle, “She has likely been told many times how important this is and how she should be honored or any other sugar coated lies from everyone in her life.”

“Well, now she doesn’t need to hear that bullshit,” Satoru said, uncrossing his legs and letting them stretch out across the floor, “So she should be grateful.”

Suguru chuckled again. “She should be, but she may need more time to process all this,” he said, patting Satoru’s knee. He stood up, stretching his arms over his head before he strode over to the coffee pot. 

Satoru watched him sniff at the liquid before pouring it into a cup. He tilted his head, watching the dark haired boy pour in a little sugar before taking a test sip. With a scowl, he let his head fall back again and stared through his sunglasses out the huge window.

Satoru was irritated. That’s what it was. But why? What was making him so irritated about all of this? It wasn’t Amanai being unsure, that made sense in a way. Annoying also, but the main cause of what was making him feel so off. Something was really bugging him about this whole thing and he wasn’t really sure how to figure it out.

Even hours later when they’d taken Amanai to school and wandered around in the area, keeping themselves busy while she enjoyed her “last day”. He still couldn’t help but feel like something was grating on him. Plus he’d already told Suguru he didn’t want to talk about it with him, which was definitely still true. But who the hell could he even–

Satoru pulled out his phone, sitting down on a bench. 

Satoru: Hey, you got a minute?

Sarah: Yeh, ol’ man Nishimiya is teaching today. What’s up?

Satoru: Ew, the perv?

Sarah: Yup.

Satoru: It’s a lot to type. Can you sneak out or something?

He watched a few dots pop up on the screen, then disappear. Then about three minutes later his phone rang and he smiled before he answered.

“Sup, Glacier Freeze?” she whispered and he laughed.

“Got somethin’ that’s buggin’ me,” He said, running his free hand through his hair, “Got time to talk?”

“I guess,” she mumbled. He could hear the slight echo in her voice. She must have been in the bathroom. Classic place to hide. “Okay, let it rip. What’s up?”

He snorted. “Beyblade?” he teased and heard her muffle a laugh.

“Why not?” she said, then put her mouth super close to the mic to say, “Stop stalling.”

“Okay, alright,” he chuckled. With a sigh he gathered himself before he said, “I’m feeling weird today about something that’s kind of hard to explain. It’s kind of like… What do you do when you remember something awful that’s happened and the person who was with you doesn’t?”

“Huh? Is this something that a curse did or something?” she asked.

“Nah, not exactly,” he answered, “But I remember it and it’s really fucked up but this other person–”

“Suguru?”

“Okay, yeah,” Satoru admitted, “He doesn’t remember it and I can’t stop thinkin’ about it.”

“So you’re pissed that you have to live with it and he doesn’t?” She asked and his mouth fell open.

“How are you so good at this?” he muttered, his eyes flicking over to Suguru who was aimlessly pacing by some vending machines.

“Because I gotta be good at something, right?” she teased. He heard her lean up against the wall. “That’s a shitty feeling though, huh?” she asked, “It’s like… You have no right to be mad, but you still are since you’re stuck with it and he isn’t.”

“God, that’s so true,” he groaned, pushing up his sunglasses and pinching the bridge of his nose, “That's exactly it. They should be paying you for this shit.”

“Pfff,” she scoffed, “I’m only good at it with friends.”

“What do I even do about it?” he sighed, pushing down his sunglasses again, “It would fuck him up to know about it but it’s fucked up that I want him to be fucked up too.”

“That’s… I mean,” She muttered. He could hear her shifting; her breath as she thought about what to say. “Do you want to tell me about it?” she asked quietly, “It’s obviously fucked up to tell him, but you still want to talk about it don’t you?”

Satoru chewed his lip. He did want to talk about it.

“Alright, how about tonight?” he asked softly, “... unless you change your mind or something?”

“Nah, it’s cool,” she said, “I’ll wait up for you to call, okay?”

“Sure,” he said, then after a beat he added, “Thanks.”

“Of course,” she said with a little laugh, “Talk to ya later then, big guy.”

“See ya.”

“Was that Sarah?” Suguru asked, walking closer and holding out a drink for Satoru.

“Yeah,” he said, smiling as he took the drink. He looked up at Suguru and asked, “How’d you know?”

Suguru shrugged as he sat down beside him. “It’s just a guess,” he said, popping open the can.

“I just wanted to talk to her I guess,” Satoru said after taking a sip of his own drink.

“Well, as long as you talk to someone,” Suguru said, smiling and leaning just a little closer. Their shoulders touched and Satoru swallowed as a jolt shot through him. He laughed a little, feeling the blush creep up his cheeks. 

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

“So, how’s it going?” Sarah asked later as soon as she picked up.

Satoru leaned over the railing on the balcony of the hotel room. His eyes scanned over the cityscape sprawling in front of him and eventually he answered, “She’s being a little stubborn.”

“Yeah I bet,” she laughed, “Poor thing. It’s hard to hear about “your destiny” your whole life.”

“You’d know, yeah?” he teased, grinning at her groan of frustration.

“Uh, yeah,” She scoffed, “Absolutely I would.”

“Then we should have brought you too,” he huffed.

“I wouldn’t want to interrupt your romantic vacation with your boyfriend,” Sarah teased, the sly grin that was clearly plastered on her face unmistakable. He didn’t need to see that shit to hear it.

“Shut up,” he muttered, a smile on his lips anyway.

“Oh, hang on,” she said, “Going downstairs.”

“Wait,” he interrupted, “You’re not in your room yet?”

“Mm? No? Why?” He could hear her stop in her tracks and the voices of her handlers fussing at her in the background.

That actually solved something he was worried about. “Nah, it’s good,” he said, “Go ahead.”

He heard a loud rustling, clearly one of the handlers putting his hand over her phone. Then a muffled cry of agony, then nothing for a while. Shortly afterwards she spoke again.

“You wanted to make sure the outside me remembered that you called, huh?” she asked suddenly.

Satoru chuckled. “I didn’t want to hurt her feelings,” he admitted, “She’d think I forgot and I’d get an earful.”

Sarah chuckled as well. “That’s true,” she agreed, “So, go ahead. Tell me the whole story.”

“Where do I even start,” Satoru sighed. Then his brows furrowed. Where should he start? Should he just… tell her? Normally he wouldn’t have hesitated in this kind of situation. He never felt unsure of this kind of thing before, but when it came to her he was actually afraid to hurt her feelings. But how could he explain this without telling her everything? No, he had to trust that she could handle it. 

“So, I’ve lived all this before,” he admitted. She definitely was surprised, the little hitch in her breath was unmistakable. “I won't go into all the details, it won't really help right now anyway. But Suguru and I have been on this mission before only… it didn’t go well the first time.”

She listened intently, barely asking any questions as he told the whole story. From when they first left to even when Suguru had left the school. He hadn’t had any intention of telling her EVERYTHING everything, but once the words started to spill out he found he just couldn’t stop. She just… listened to him. She didn’t ask for justification or excuses or even try to rationalize why he made his choices. She listened until he finally stopped, just after the part when Suguru had left the school.

“Damn,” she muttered after a long pause. She inhaled before she let it out in a long heavy sigh and muttered, “Damn.” one more time.

Satoru was surprised to find himself trembling; just barely enough for him to notice. His heart was beating like crazy and a cold feeling was running through his skin. His head even felt a little fuzzy. What on earth was this feeling? Equal parts relief and something foreign. 

“Well, for one,” she finally said, making him tense up, “That’s fuckin’ awful and I’m really sorry it all went down like that.”

His shoulders fell, his eyes sliding closed as his body leaned into the balcony railing and his lungs remembered to breathe again. The cold feeling faded and he felt something new blossoming in its place. Warmth, although the slight tremble still remained.

“I take it you had a hand in why Q and the Star Religious group got into it?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he chuckled, “Sure did.”

“That makes sense. You would do something wild like that,” She said with a soft breathy laugh in her words. “So now it makes sense why you want to give Amanai another chance. Poor girl never stood a chance.”

“Pff,” Satoru scoffed, “Are you sayin’ Suguru and I couldn’t handle it?”

“No,” she said and he could hear the roll in her eyes, “I’m saying that she spent her whole life being told she’s gotta die and then, when you two big assholes showed up and gave her a chance, a bigger asshole came and killed her. It’s not your fault you lost. They sent two sixteen year old boys on a mission that even adults would have failed.”

“We’re the strongest,” Satoru said with a shrug, “It makes sense that they’d choose us.”

“No it doesn’t,” she scoffed, “That’s stupid. They should have at least sent ONE adult with you. It’s stupid to send children into a situation like that alone.”

“... Well sometimes they can handle it…” He muttered. When she put it like that maybe his teaching methods needed some work… he didn’t think that was the part that was wrong about all this but when she just said it like that…

“I guess what it was, was that you got really outplayed,” she continued, “That Toji guy sounds like a big pain in the ass. He must have been really smart. Any adult with you probably would have died too.”

“See?” he said, “And this time around I… well I fucked up and warned him ahead of time  trying to threaten him so he uhh…” He awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck before he admitted, “So he came and killed Suguru and Shoko and you had to send me back again.”

She snorted and laughed and he couldn’t help but smile. “You’re so stupid,” she said, the giggle still ringing in her voice, “But whatever. I’ll make sure you get to whatever goal you’re trying to accomplish.”

“Why are you so okay with it anyway?” he asked, “Last time it was even you that brought it up. You’re just okay with killing yourself to help me?”

“I guess it’s like…” she hummed a little as she gathered her words before she said, “It’s not really dying right? You’re still gonna be there and you’re gonna make sure we get through it, so why shouldn't I trust you?”

He sniffed with pride, slicking his hair back with his free hand. “I’ll take that compliment,” he said, “Glad you trust me to do what I'm good at.”

“Shut up,” she laughed, “I’m being serious. Why wouldn’t I? I mean, I must have trusted you in the future too, right? We’re really good friends so I can see why.”

“It’s funny,” he said, propping his head up with his fist and leaning on the railing, “I didn’t actually know you before so I’m not sure why you did it all in the first place.”

“Does that matter?” she asked.

“Just seems weird to me,” he admitted, “I’m so used to doing everything by myself that someone just offering help to me is so… weird? Especially someone who didn’t even know me.”

“Well that sucks,” she grumbled, “Everyone else sucks.”

He laughed, covering his eyes with his hands. “It’s probably my fault too, I have a pretty shit personality.”

“You do not,” she said and he knew she would have swatted at him if she was next to him. “You’re just a lot and some people can’t handle that. You’re a cool dude and you’re definitely worth the effort.”

“Okay, alright,” he mumbled, “Don’t do that to me. You’re gonna make me explode or something.”

“Ew.”

“Not like that you degenerate!” he laughed, making her crack up as well. It faded after a moment and they both sighed before he said, “Okay, but we got way off track. You got all the details now, do the thing you’re good at. What’s got me all fucked up today?”

“Oh, you’re just feeling bitter,” she said matter-of-factly, “But I think anyone would in that situation.”

“Bitter, huh? Seems a bit stronger than bitter,” he said, raising a brow.

“Bitter can be different levels,” She said with a shrug, “But think about it? You have to be stuck with feeling so shook up and he doesn’t. Currently, he’s never had a real loss before. He’s never had that big moment where he had to realize that being the strongest doesn’t mean you’ll always succeed and that feels unfair to you.”

“Damn, you’re good,” he sighed.

“Yeah, well it’s pretty obvious,” she continued, “I mean, I feel that way about my outside self. She gets to flop around and have fun all day and I have to stay awake at night and have nightmares about being killed every six months.”

He sucked air through his teeth and quietly said, “Yeeeeah… yeah that’s pretty messed up.”

“And it makes you kinda mad, right? Like at Suguru?” she asked.

“Fuck. Yeah, you’re so right,” he groaned, “That’s so wrong, isn’t it?”

“Nah, I wouldn’t say so,” she reassured him, “I think it’s pretty natural to feel bitter about people who don’t know how bad you have it.”

“Is it?” he asked, “It feels kinda shitty.”

“Didn’t you ever have to deal with this before?” she asked, “Or haven’t you talked to anyone else feeling like that too?”

“I’m gonna be honest with you,” he said dryly, “All I did in my first life was work and sleep. Once Suguru left the school I didn’t have any real friends.”

She didn’t say anything. He might as well have heard the wheels turning in her head.

“Well…” She said, “Then I guess this time is a lot more fun, huh? You’ve got a lot of real friends this time, right?” She inhaled and paused then blew out, “I dunno man, that’s really heavy.”

He laughed, dropping his head onto his hand on the railing. “That’s heavy? Not the part about all the horrible traumatic shit?”

“C’mon I dunno!” she cackled, “You’re so much fun! It’s pretty ridiculous that no one wanted to be your friend.”

He sighed, wiping at his eyes. He cleared his throat as he considered what she said, smiling a little sadly. “Well… they may have wanted to, but it’s probably just as likely that I pushed them away,” he admitted, surprised as the realization was hitting him.

She blew a raspberry and he heard her stand up. “Okay!” she said with a huff, “Listen to me!”

He grinned. “Yes, ma’am!”

“You are allowed to feel bitter about things not being as green as they look on the other side,” She said, “But you’re not allowed to be mad at Suguru because you love him and he wouldn’t be mad at you for that.”

“Yeah…” he mumbled.

“So instead we’re gonna fuck up the old geezers, right?” she said, “Turn the tables on them!”

“Damn right we are,” he said with a smirk. He stood up, glancing over his shoulder as Suguru entered the room once again. “Talk to ya later, yeah?”

“Yeah, good luck!” she said, just before hanging up.

Suguru smiled as Satoru walked over, tilting his head. “Oh? Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah, actually,” Satoru said softly, “And uhh… sorry about earlier. I was being unintentionally petty about something.”

Suguru patted him on the back and grinned, “It’s alright. I get it.”

“You forgive me?” Satoru asked, looking up at Suguru with his eyelashes fluttering.

Suguru gave him a deadpan look, then pushed him back gently with his hand over his face. “Don’t push your luck,” he snickered.

Satoru sighed, then nodded towards the couch. “I’ll sleep over here, you can have the bed.”

“Oh?” Suguru said as he sat down on the edge of the mattress. He picked up his brush before letting his silky black hair down. “Are you sure?”

Satoru narrowed his eyes. That was an invitation wasn’t it? It was… right? Maybe it wasn't? It's not like Suguru had any experience in that category and he could easily be reading too much into it.

Still, as appealing as the idea sounded, when he looked at Suguru he felt a hesitation. Better not to push things too far, was how he was rationalizing it. Better not freak him out and try to get too close too fast.

“Yeah, it’s fine.” Satoru said, snatching one of the pillows and sitting down on the couch with a smirk.

Suguru shrugged, “Well, alright. I thought you’d want to argue about it since I won the last few times.”

“Nah,” Satoru chuckled, “I’m good right here.”

⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂⠁⠁⠂⠄⠄⠂ ⠂⠄⠄⠂☆

“The goodwill event is coming up,” Haibara said, standing up as he finished laceing up his shoes. “We're gonna train hard!”

“The goodwill event is only for second years and up,” Nanami reminded him, “Why would you bring us out here to train for an event we can't participate in.”

Haibara rushed forward and muttered, “That's the cover story, duh,” right in Nanami's ear.

Nanami pushed him back and rolled his eyes. “We don't need a cover story for training,” he grumbled, “We can just train.”

“Cover story?” Sarah asked, “For what?”

“For incase… y’know…” Haibara gestured towards the sky.

Nanami and Sarah stared at him.

He blinked then moved his hands and pointed downward this time. “Y’know?” He repeated.

“No,” Nanami said slowly, “I don't.”

Haibara grinned and laughed. “In case Tengen is mad about what we're doing with Amanai.”

“Oh,” Sarah laughed. She walked up and patted his cheek, making him blush and bite his lip just a little. “Don't worry about all that. Nee-chan will take care of Tengen for us.”

“I didn't know you had a sister?” Nanami said, tilting his head as he looked at her.

“Oh, well, she's more like a sister figure,” Sarah said with an aimless gesture of her hands, “She's been kind of a mentor for me for a while and she's got an in with Tengen.”

“An “in” with Tengen?” Nanami repeated, “What exactly does that mean?”

“Uhh… y’know to be honest I'm not sure,” Sarah said, rubbing her chin. Her eyes widened and she furrowed her brows. 

“H-hey! Uhh why don't we have a– a competition?” Haibara stammered out quickly, moving to stand in front of Sarah and snapping her out of it.

Sarah looked up at him, the worrying thought leaving her and a smile replacing it. Haibara continued to keep her distracted, but Nanami couldn't help but sigh. This binding vow was irritating. He had questions that demanded answers, but every time they got close to something the poor girl would have a panic attack.

“What a disgusting way to keep someone under control,” Nanami thought. The higher-ups were truly despicable in his mind, and it had only been reinforced over the spring time he'd spent at the school. Most of the adults were jaded and crazy and anyone else left was so uncaring and apathetic that it made him sick.

This was supposed to be something he could take pride in! This was supposed to be something special that only he could do for the good of everyone! Instead he'd found himself thrown into a pen with other sheep, most of which willingly obeyed without question. 

And yet… there was an appeal to the idea of working with his annoying upperclassmen. As soon as Yaga had given them a glimpse of what the even darker reality was beneath, Gojo, Geto, and Shoko had included Haibara and himself in all of their plans. Still loose and still waiting for better circumstances, but they still had plans to overturn everything.

“Nanami?” Haibara called, and Nanami looked up at him.

“Yes, I'm sorry,” he said, clearing his throat, “I'm here. Let's go.”

⤶ Prev Main Next ↪

Taglist: @inthedarkshadows000

[manyothermusingsofmine]

Protective || Drabble

Fandom: Xmen

Warnings: being harrassed by Some Guy TM to the point of wishing violence upon him. Please do not throw glasses at people's faces unless you're 100% sure you'll win the self-defense claim in court and don't take anything I say as legal advice anyway

Wordcount: 1428

Summary: Just because Miranda is capable of handling an annoying person bothering her doesn't mean getting back up from Kurt isn't nice or appreciated ------------------------------ Being as tall as Gambit was definitely had its advantages. It was easy to see over a crowd of mingling mutants, even easier to keep his eye on where Miranda was standing outside the glass doors of the venue. He had been watching the guy who had felt the need to approach her like a hawk; while Miranda hadn't given any distress signals she sure was sporting a body language that gave a very clear 'No, fuck off,' to anyone who bothered to pay attention to it for even a second.

Gambit wouldn't even feel the need to step in and defend her had it been anyone but Riptide getting on her nerves. As soon as he planned on taking a step forward though he saw something blue from the peripheral of his eyes slither through the crowd like an lithe cat, a slight smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. Miranda just looked bored, save for the iron grip she had on the glass in her hand, while the man in front of her went on yapping about how great a guy he was. Even her blinking was somehow bored.

"I'm not interested," she said deadpan when he halted a moment to breathe

"Oh, come on, I could show you a great time. Why would you not be interested?!"

"I'm not interested is a full sentence. But since you're asking; I'm already taken."

"Sure you are," Riptide answered, leaning in to which she immediately took a step backwards, "and who is the lucky man who stole away such a beauty, hmm?"

"None of your business."

"Oh, come on baby, don't be like that. I'm just trying to make conversation. Or can you not put a name to your imaginary boyfr-"

"Fine. It’s Nightcrawler."

At that the guy in front of her just laughed, while Miranda looked no less bored by the situation. His laughter clearly didn't impress her in any kind of way

"Now I know you're lying, girl. Of all the people you'd be dating Nightcrawler? What would be the odds? And really, a gorgeous girl like you with a loser like him? You should trade up, honey."

With every condescending nickname he had been using now combined with the unnecessary stab at Kurt it became way more enticing to just skip throwing the contents of her glass into his face and settle on throwing the entire glass instead, and that was when she felt a very familiar tail coil around her waist which ever so lightly and gently pulled her backwards. Kurt very deliberately put an arm over her shoulders, lightly pulling her closer to his side while his yellow glowing eyes bore into Riptides eyes that seemed to spit fire back at the blue mutant.

"Come on, both of you have got to be joking. Do you really think I buy that you two are together? Piss off, Wagner. I was having a great conversation with her before you decided to come in and white knight for her."

For some reason or another Miranda was suddenly well aware of the strength she felt in Kurt's arm and tail, her eyes slowly going to him while she didn't move another muscle. Everything about him was tense in a way she didn't recall ever seeing in him before, ready to lash out. He wasn't just protecting her, he was anchoring himself to her to try and hold himself back. Her eyes went back to Riptide. There had to be bad blood between them, or Kurt wouldn't be acting like-

"She's with me."

Miranda had to do everything in her will power to not visibly shiver at the low growl he said those words with, but she very much felt a shiver run over the whole length of her spine. Thankfully, she seemed to manage to play it off that she wasn’t affected and Riptide didn't seem to notice anyway; he was far too wrapped up in this stare down with Kurt to pay attention to her.

"You're lying through your teeth, boy. I thought your precious faith forbids that?"

"Do people usually fabricate entire relationships just to get out of a conversation with you?" Miranda mused somehow still in a deadpan tone, "because that says a lot more about you than it does about either of us."

A few people around the three started chuckling at that, which was enough to make Riptide feel surrounded by people on their side rather than his. He glared at the both of them.

"Whatever, enjoy your fake ass 'relationship' with a loser, bitch," and with that he stalked off where Miranda just rolled her eyes, lightly placing her hand to Kurt's chest as she could tell he was about to go after the guy.

"Don't, he's not worth it."

"But he called you a..." Kurt's voice trailed off, not wanting to repeat the word. Miranda just lightly turned to him, pressing a soft and loving kiss to his cheek.

"Oh, I was about to show him how much of a bitch I can be," she said, shaking her glass in a threatening manner, "it was a good thing you were holding me back. Bad blood between the two of you, huh?"

"... Yeah," Kurt admitted softly, his demeanor finally easing up, "sorry, I don't want to imply you can't defend yourself; but I saw him, he leaned into your space and I just... I haven't felt my blood boil like that in a long time. I.. wasn't trying to hold you back..."

"You were trying to hold yourself back by holding onto me, to ground yourself?"

Kurt nodded and Miranda gave him the softest little smile, green eyes twinkling with a deep sense of love. The idea that Kurt sought out her comfort, specifically holding on to her in an attempt to soothe himself... she just felt her heart flutter. He needed her.

"I'm sure Gambit saw me coming your way," Kurt said softly, his tail still coiled around her waist protectively, "thought he would be ready to throw hands too; they dont exactly get along either. Where's he gone off to?"

"Knowing him?" Miranda said with a light laugh, "either on the roof pretending to be a cast member of the Gargoyles, or somewhere around the back with Shadow getting up to something."

She looked around for a spell, nestling a bit closer to Kurt so she could lean in and very softly whisper so that only his sharp ears would hear: "I'm just glad Riptide didn't see me get weak in the knees over you growling at him, it would've ruined the dead pan disinterested vibe I was going for."

"Mhh, very likely," Kurt laughed in return, pressing a soft kiss to her cheek and lingering by her ear as well

"Didn't mean to spoil your game plan there, darling. I don't know about you, but if the latter is the case Gambit and Shadow got the right idea," he whispered in return, "this place is far too crowded for my liking, so I'm kind of hoping your social battery is running on empty so we can leave."

"Oh, what a coincidence; said battery just went dead," Miranda said with a grin. It was all Kurt needed to truly steal her away, teleporting off the premises of the mutant get together to hide away in one of the many quiet alleys around the place all to steal a proper kiss from her, unable to stop himself from lightly purring while they kissed.

"You know what I do wonder?" Miranda asked as they broke apart, "is it still considered French kissing if neither party involved is French?"

Kurt just laughed at that, while Miranda's heart fluttered at the sound of it. It was so beautiful, so warm in tone when he genuinely laughed, and it brought her unrivaled happiness to be the one making him laugh.

"Maybe it means we need to kiss long enough for our passports to change nationalities?"

"Oh, that sounds divine- I mean, worth a try," Miranda giggled, barely capable of getting through her words with her dead pan façade intact. She looked into his warm yellow eyes, drawn in by them like she always was. She was sure hers were showing him the depths of her love for him; because she sure saw his love for her in the deep, swirling pools of his eyes.

"Kiss me again," she whispered, "please?"

"Any time, Süße," and with that he eagerly planted his lips back on hers, a happy purr rumbling in his chest.

[sleepingdeath-light]

how he’d be as a father hcs ; barnaby

requested by ; anonymous (21/05/23)

fandom(s) ; welcome home

fandom masterlist(s) ; here

character(s) ; barnaby b beagle

outline ; “Hello! I LOVE your welcome home fics so much! 👉👈 would it be ok to request Barnaby adopting the reader/ being the reader’s father hcs? I love the idea of Papa Barnaby,

Hope you are having a wonderful day!”

warning(s) ; none, just fluff!

barnaby is, first and foremost, a dad who is trying his best — he’s not a perfect parent (then again, who is?), but he does whatever he can to keep you happy, entertained, taken care of, and accommodated in whatever ways you need (whether that means cooking old favourite meals in new ways to accommodate any allergies or aversions, asking howdy to order in medications for the bugdega, helping you decorate your mobility aides, or taking you out of the neighbourhood to go to check ups)

he calls you his ‘pup’ and is constantly bragging about how amazing his kid is to anyone who will listen — he’s the ultimate proud dad and will celebrate each and every achievement of yours, no matter how small, with the same level of boundless excitement towards you and everyone nearby (which is usually his best friend, and your ‘uncle’, wally)

he’s protective of you but he’s not overbearing — he wants you to explore and have fun and make mistakes and learn (of course he’ll be there for you every step of the way, though), but the moment someone tries to be cruel towards you, you can bet that barnaby will be stepping in and correcting that behaviour as swiftly as possible

he saves every drawing and painting and card you make/write for him — hanging them up on the fridge until there’s no room left and then buying a bit folder to keep the rest in (and when you’re an adult, you’ll catch him flipping through its pages often with a nostalgic smile on his face — and the pictures on the fridge never get taken down)

barnaby is forever joking around with you — encouraging you to have fun and be yourself whilst providing an endless stream of puns, dad jokes, pranks and more (and he gives as good as he gets, complimenting you for a prank well done and laughing at every joke)

he also loves playing games with you — whether that’s something sporty, something active that you just made up, a board game you bought (for two shiny pebbles and a really pretty leaf) from howdy, or something completely different — because he loves making you laugh and smile

he’s not afraid to ask for help from his neighbours when needed and he makes sure that you have a good community around you as you grow up: uncle wally and aunt sally are always there to help you explore your creative side, your uncles eddie and frank are happy to help you get a thorough understanding of the world (with the latter arranging the actual topics of learning and the former turning them into fun and memorable activities to make sure it all sticks), uncle howdy calls you his ‘little helper’ and is always willing to lend a hand (or four) to look after you when your dad is busy whilst helping you develop a solid work ethic, your aunt julie is there to help you learn to express yourself and find your style whilst developing your confidence as a young person, and your aunt poppy is always the first to volunteer to babysit you (helping you develop key skills like cooking and cleaning and baking whilst being a comforting presence for you to talk to about any topics that you’re nervous to discuss with barnaby)

and on top of it all, you also have your beloved grandmother there to spoil you rotten — always visiting with stacks of gifts and foods piled up in her wings, smothering you in affection whilst your dad puts everything away (well, the delicate things anyway — the hardier stuff just gets left in a pile somewhere out of the way)

[wiseabsol]

Hey! I wanted to tell you that I love your Dominion reviews, and I also wanted to ask you about your opinion on a possible Azula-Catra comparison. Because people tend to compare Zuko’s and Catra’s redemption arcs in order to debunk the latter, and though I can see the parallelisms, I’ve always believed that Catra is, at heart, much more similar to Azula, and even more if you consider Dominion!Azula (which will never not be the real, full-fledged Azula to me, never mind canon). What do you think?

So I think any redemption arc in media tends to get compared to Zuko's because, A.) The people doing the comparing often grew up with ATLA, so it's the first one that comes to mind, and B.) It's a redemption arc that takes time to develop, has setbacks, and has Zuko working towards earning the trust of those he hurt in the past.

Catra's, I think, is harder for people to swallow. A large part of this is because she spends 4 out of the 5 seasons being an angry, toxic person, especially towards Adora and Scorpia (Scorpia, I want to point out, does not respect Catra's boundaries, forcing physical affection on her when she doesn't want it. This doesn't mean that Scorpia deserved how Catra's treated her, but I think that friendship was unhealthy both ways). I can understand why people, looking at Catra, would say that getting only one season for a redemption arc wouldn't be enough--especially because she nearly destroyed the world and did, functionally, kill Angella. Zuko, in comparison, stalked people and burned down people's homes, but didn't kill anyone.

But personally, I liked Catra's redemption arc. I liked her acknowledging her anger issues and having a therapy animal to help her manage it. I liked her apologizing and trying to make things right to the people she hurt. I liked her realizing that her ambitions in the earlier seasons were mostly a means to have some control over her life and gain the favor of the adults around her. Catra, all things considered, is a pretty self-aware character--she knows how she's been treated all of her life is wrong, and that the side she's on is evil, and that what she wants most of all is to be with Adora. However, she gets hung up over feeling abandoned, lashes out when she's afraid and upset, and ultimately feels so guilty over pushing people away and the things she's done that she's suicidal about it. Dying doing a heroic thing seems, to her, the only way to make things right.

Which doesn't happen, of course. Catra is saved. And ultimately, she's offered a spot of the best friend squad, because people are still willing to give her a chance to be a better person (in part because she took that first step to try to make things right). And that, I think, is really important--because while it's no one else's job to fix you, if no one ever gives you the chance to grow and is always waiting for you to mess up--to prove yourself to be a monster--then what motivation do you have to get better?

But I'm getting off topic. What you actually asked me is if I see similarities between Azula and Catra. And in some ways, yes--mostly in how the fandoms treat them--but in other ways, no. Let's dig into it:

Catra knows that she has been abused by Shadow Weaver and that Shadow Weaver is a bad person and parent. Azula does not realize consciously that she's been abused, or that Ozai is a bad person and parent (though she knows he's capable of hurting his children, due to what he did to Zuko).

Their responses to this abuse differs. Catra is more angry, defiant, and irreverent, and is physically hurt by Shadow Weaver as a result (which isn't her fault--it's Shadow Weaver who's in the wrong). Azula decides to become the perfect firebender and ally to her father, and in doing so secures "safety" for herself from Ozai. Incidentally, Adora also picked the striving for perfection route of appeasement.

Catra knows that the Hoard is evil, but goes along with their goals anyway, largely to get back at Adora for leaving her and to gain Shadow Weaver's and Hordak's "respect." Azula doesn't know that the Fire Nation is in the wrong, because she's fully been indoctrinated. In fact, Azula and Adora are more similar on this point, at least before Adora realizes the Hoard is attacking villages. Would she have realized this, though, if she hadn't spent time there beforehand with Glimmer and Bow? In any case, Azula stays with the Fire Nation because she's never been given a reason to question their conquest, and because that's how she earns her father's "love" and "respect."

Catra is happy about Adora's promotion until she realizes that she won't be shipping out with Adora (and thus is being left behind). Azula and Zuko grow up in an environment where if one of them succeeds, that means the other one is failing, and thus are never happy about each other's accomplishments.

Catra just wants to be the one Adora chooses and tries several times to get her to come "home." Azula desperately wants to be chosen by someone, hence her attachment to Ozai. But also, Azula goes to great lengths to get Zuko to come home too, setting him up with Mai and letting him take credit for killing Aang.

Catra and Azula both break down and lash out when the people they love leave them. They also both experience guilt over what they've done, though Catra, I think, confronts this more head on, while Azula tries to rationalize her actions ("Trust is for fools."). They also both fully believe that they're monsters who no one can love.

Both Catra and Azula treat their best friends poorly and drive them away. Catra, after doing some soul-searching, tries to sacrifice herself to make things right, and is given the chance to redeem herself after she survives. Azula attempts to do some soul-searching, hits a "does not compute" error message, and is not given a chance to redeem herself, in part because there's no more show left. If there had been a season four, perhaps we would have gotten that, but unfortunately, all we have are the (terrible) comics.

Azula is 14 during ATLA. No one reaches out to her or encourages her to think critically about what her side is doing. Catra is apparently 17-18 at the start of SPOP and 20-21 at the end of it. People do reach out to her and encourage her to think critically about what her side is doing. Azula gets no shot at redemption. Catra does.

Azula and Catra are both demonized by some of the fanbase, with Azula commonly being pathologized. Azula, despite being younger, being less self-aware than Catra, and being given fewer chances for improvement, is actually treated with more vitriol than Catra--even though Catra knows she's in an evil organization and chooses to stay, and objectively does worse things over the course of the show. My guess is that this is because SPOP offers more sympathetic moments to Catra, which ATLA doesn't give Azula. Regardless, explaining to these fans that these characters are young victims of abuse who responded to it in maladaptive ways, and deserve sympathy and a chance to heal, doesn't work. Instead, because they were toxic and hurt the characters we like (characters on the other side of a war), they are ruined forever. Despite being incredibly young and, for the most part, barely stepping out of the abusive environments they grew up in.

And to be clear on this point--I can understand it if the people these two hurt never accepted them back. Their pain is valid (in fact, I wish Scorpia had told Catra that she needed time, rather than forgiving her easily at the end). However, saying Azula and Catra are lost causes who can't become better people or develop healthy relationships with other people is incredibly reductive. It also tells real people that if you fuck up in your youths, you'll never get better and no one will ever love you again, which is appalling. As someone who had maladaptive reactions to growing up abused, if this had been what I was told--rather than having loved ones who were patient with me, told me how I messed up, and encouraged me to self-reflect and grow--I might not be here right now.

Which brings me to my final point: To be happy and find peace, what Catra and Azula both need is acceptance and love from healthy sources. Catra receives it and works on herself. Azula...doesn't. And I'm not sure I can blame a 14-year-old for stagnating as a result.

[dream-critical]

i’m gonna say this really nicely so i don’t get misinterpreted but like. when you’ve spent a period of time far away from this side of the internet you’ll realise that this does not matter in the slightest. none of it does. none of the discourse you participate in here exists irl. and you wouldn’t even keep it in the back of your head.

and when i say it doesn’t matter and it doesn’t exist irl i don’t mean it in the way some people say that like they’re so self-aware but then go off and start arguments online anyways, i genuinely mean it. dream was obsolete to me, i did not spend a second of the day thinking about him, nor did i spend that time thinking about any other kind of discourse. when you just don’t have that kind of time on your hand you don’t even have the time to think about random internet opinions that you disagree with. and honestly once you’ve experienced that you finally realise just how much that improves your life.

because in truth, and i’ll be completely blunt with you, this isn’t healthy. we say stans are parasocial all the time, and they are, but it’s not exactly normal to devote so much effort into hating the man either. it does not enrich your life, it does not expand your horizons, it does nothing good for you, your constant anger and frustration towards this dude on the internet that has never personally impacted you does no good for you. yes, even if you are a part of a minority that has been affected by his actions, you have not been personally impacted. and i would know because i’m one of those minorities. constant anger and frustration isn’t good for your mental health either, so unless you’re willing to throw your wellbeing under the bus for the thrill of the dopamine hit when you win an argument online, maybe we just all need to take a step back and really reflect on our priorities.

this isn’t going to apply for everyone, some people might argue that the people who were doxxed, or attacked, or harassed by dream stans wouldn’t agree with me, and i can see why. but at the end of the day, dream didn’t do that. he contributed A Lot to it, sure, but you’re not gonna get that through to him, because he doesn’t know you. unless dream personally sat down and spent the time to doxx you, yelling at him isn’t going to help you.

the truth is, at least to me, dream’s not gonna crash and burn like eveyone’s hoping for. unless something happens that would make at least half of his fandom suddenly up and left, he’ll just keep going. short of dream quitting youtube and twitch himself, he’s just gonna stick around. eventually, his stans will grow out of it, but so will his antis, and he’ll just fade. because that’s how it always end, with all youtubers, streamers, and generally informal entertainment industry figures, they become irrelevant naturally through time. when his audience grew older and the new generation doesn’t seem to bat an eye, it would be years before you realise you never heard from him anymore. and even then it wouldn’t matter, as random and as sudden as the thought is, it’s not going to linger, probably not even long enough for you to search up his name and see how he’s doing, or if he’s done.

take a breather. and if you feel like arguing with me about this post clearly you have not read it through.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I am extremely sad and missing all the boys, but I have to say, for the first time in a while, the fandom these past couple days has been very enjoyable to be in, and has provided me the most comfort through my sadness. I love the energy that is happening around OT7 content.

Enjoying being an Army and an OT7 right now, when just a couple months ago I was seriously contemplating if I could call myself that anymore is an interesting feeling. I love all 7 so much, but even still, I was very much sucked in by solo rhetoric for a bit. I have a bad habit of 'wanting to see all sides' of things, and wanting to see what everyone is saying so I can create a less naive, more informed opinion about something, but at some point while doing that I started getting sucked in. I didn't want it to, I'd step away for a day when I'd notice myself getting angry or some of it sort of got shaken loose when they'd hate on another member, but only temporarily, and then I'd find myself back at it looking at solo content again, so instead I just felt kind of guilty occasionally reading somewhat snarky remarks made about people I felt so much affection for (I never was able to deal with the genuinely hateful ones, just the ones that made snide comments now and again).

The thing that finally snapped me out of it was reading a different member's solos claims. They sounded absolutely ridiculous, and were almost verbatim what the solos I'd been reading think pieces from for the last three months were saying. Being able to stand on the outside of those claims, knowing they're nonsense, forced me to acknowledge the similarities and the hooks in my brain finally came loose.

I was never posting negative thoughts, or #ARMYDONTRESPECTX #HYBERESPECTX, and I definitely wasn't joining in on any of the hate toward any of the members (I own and stream every member's solo albums, solos could never make me hate them, it was always way more about how I felt about ARMY's feelings/treatment of the members).

I know that you think people who fall for solo rhetoric are unintelligent, and would have ended up like that anyway. But, as someone who was actually very distressed knowing I was headed down that path but was also unable to pull myself out of that place for a while, I went to blogs like yours and other similar ones hoping to find thoughts that could help me break the bitterness but even if I understood and even agreed with a lot of things you or others said. it never provided me with the answers I'd hoped for. It was only until I was able to hold a mirror up to myself that so many of my questions went away. I understand why ARMY have no desire to give an ounce of space to most solos, and I don't think that's an incorrect thing to do. But I do think that, more than people being stupid and predisposed for hatred/solo stanning, a lot of people have questions or concerns, and unfortunately, find answers in the worst spaces in the fandom.

I don't have a solution to keep this from happening, only that maybe if you post this maybe someone who is also struggling with those feelings might see this and relate and maybe can start work on realizing that ARMY may not have the answers to your questions, but neither do solos. You're not going to find anything illuminating, because nobody is actually saying anything new or unique, it's literally all the same angry claims of mistreatment and sabotage.

Anyway, stream No More Dream and Attack on Bangtan, and Standing Next to You and Like Crazy, and Slow Dancing, and Hageum, and The Astronaut and Wildflower, and Arson, or whatever songs are your favorite, go listen and be happy, BTS is great and getting to be a fan of all of them, collectively and separately, is great, listening to their discography or watching original content is probably the best answer to most questions anyone may have.

***

“You're not going to find anything illuminating, because nobody is actually saying anything new or unique, it's literally all the same angry claims of mistreatment and sabotage.”

This is what I thought I’d been communicating for the last year, but I suppose it’s one thing to read someone else write it, and another thing to experience for yourself.

I think BTS is the most (and best) documented Korean artist in recent times, whether filmed footage or written interviews, there’s no other k-pop group or idol that’s been as filmed or interviewed as BTS, and they are actually fairly consistent in their views about the group and about themselves. Everything required to understand the kind of group BTS is, is right there. And so when I see people struggle, I just take it as an indication of the limits on their capacity to get it. Some reasons for those limits might be due to language and prior experiences, things that aren’t their fault exactly, but it is what it is.

It’s encouraging to read you were able to pull yourself out of that mind muck. Like some other Anon said, it’s far easier to go from ARMY to solo than the other way around, so I don’t take it for granted that you’ve found your way back. At least for now lol.

Thanks for the write-in. Here’s to hoping more people find their way out.

Enjoy the calm the fandom is experiencing right now. We both know it’s temporary lol (until we get the next major release and then the madness starts all over again). I wish both you and me luck navigating the madness the second go around.

[demigodsanswer]

Twice Upon a Pointe: 7/13

Vision

Percy woke up to the soft early February sun on his face as it poured in through Annabeth’s large bedroom window. He cracked his eyes open, squinting at the light, and saw that she had already gotten up. He rolled over to check his phone – 8:30 a.m.

They both had today and the next day off as other casts ran their dress rehearsals. Usually he spent his days off wandering the city, catching up on TV, or bothering Grover to play video games with him when his 9-to-5 ended. But those days off didn’t usually start in Annabeth Chase’s bed – in fact, none of them ever had. He hoped that maybe they’d end up spending the day together.

Or maybe she’d ask him to leave as soon as he got up.

He stayed there for another moment, trying to think of the perfect “spend the day with me” line, but he came up blank. He imagined what Grover might suggest. “ Have you tried,” he imagined Grover saying to him, “ ‘spend the day with me?’” 

He’d just have to wing it.

 ~

He opened the door and stepped into the living room. Annabeth was standing in the kitchen over a frying pan, still in her pajamas (now rumpled from a night of sleep), and her blonde hair was up in a high ponytail, the ends tangled together.

She looked up and smiled at him. If Percy thought his affection for her was under control and barely perceivable, that delusion was thoroughly shattered by the sight of her in the morning. Something in his chest tugged at him -- a desire to see this every day. Even sleep rumpled and eyes still puffy from the night before, she was gorgeous. He did his best to pull his thoughts back down to earth.  

Before he could say anything to her, though, she told him: “You drool when you sleep.”

Percy flushed, a hand going up to his mouth to wipe away any trace of drool that might still be there. She laughed at him, and he smiled. 

She turned back to the frying pan. “I’m making eggs. I hope that’s okay.”

“Eggs are great,” he said. “I thought you didn’t cook.”

She shrugged. “I told you, I’m not completely incompetent. I can scramble an egg reasonably well.” She said, dishing out the servings onto two plates.

Percy took a seat at the table. “How long have you been up?” He asked.

“‘Bout half an hour,” she said. “Coffee?” 

He nodded, and she put a mug down in front of him, and then his plate of eggs and avocado toast.

She sat down at the other end of the table.

“Thanks,” Percy said, about to dig in.

He piled some eggs on top of his toast and took a bite. They were good, although he would struggle to find an adult who couldn’t make a decent scrambled egg. “How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Better,” she said. “A lot better. Thanks for listening to me and for staying the night.”

Percy smiled. “Of course, any time.” He felt his ears get hot. “Anyway …” he tried to think of literally anything else to say, but nothing came to mind. He tried to keep his face neutral, but he was pretty sure his pupils had become heart shaped, and his eyes were about to spring out of his head as steam came out of his ears. He tried to find the right words for spend the day with me? 

“Do you have any plans for today?” Annabeth asked.

It took a moment for Percy to register what she had said. He was preoccupied by the casual way she sat at the other end of the table, sunlight bouncing off her curls, as if they sat together like this every day. 

Finally, though, he remembered she’d asked him a question. “No, not really,” He told her. 

“Do you want to hang out downtown for a little while?” She asked.

Percy smiled. That was one way to do it. “Sure, that’d be great.”

 ~

Percy stood in front of Annabeth's bathroom mirror, which had fogged up with steam from his shower. He leaned forward and drew a smiley face on her mirror for her to discover the next time she showered.

He dressed quickly, only having the same sweatpants and tee shirt from the night before, but it would have to do.

Annabeth was waiting on her couch for him to get ready. She was dressed in a light pink sweater and light jeans with her hair braided over her shoulder.

“Ready to go?” She asked.

Percy nodded. They grabbed their jackets and headed out the door.

~ 

They walked down the avenue to Washington Square Park, stopping on the way to indulge in some hot chocolates. It was just starting to get a little warmer – their daily temperature tended to hang out in the forties during the day, rather than what Percy called ‘face hurting temperatures.’

Still, he wished it was a little warmer so they could sit on a bench or the grass for a while and just relax in the Spring sun. But the cold sun of the end of February would have to do.

It did come with its perks, Percy realized, when a cold wind blew, prompting Annabeth to instinctively move closer to him. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her into his chest for a moment as the breeze blew by. When it was over, they parted, neither blushing or uncomfortable.

Sure, he was usually physically close to her, but stage intimacy was far less erotic than many people assumed. On stage or during rehearsal, both were sweaty, trying not to breathe too hard, and mostly worrying about their own steps and safety and the safety of their partner.

A gentle closeness so far removed from the studio, though, felt deeply intimate. He almost reached down to hold her hand, but she had it in her jacket pocket. He left his hand by his side in case she had the same thought, but she never reached for it.

When they reached the arch, Annabeth paused in front of it. “You know, if I hadn’t joined the company, I probably would have gone to school for architecture.”

“Really?” Percy asked, looking at her.

She nodded. “I guess I kind of am or was at least,” She said. “I was part time at NYU for a few years, but between being a principal, and planning a wedding, then calling off the wedding, and everything that came after that, I haven’t taken a class in almost …” she paused, “almost two years, I guess.”

“Why architecture?” Percy asked.

She shrugged. “Aesthetics, partly. I really enjoy aesthetic, design, and flow. Obviously, I do, or I wouldn’t be a dancer. But buildings can have all of those things too, just not in the same way.” She sipped her hot chocolate. “It’s also the opposite of dance. Buildings are static, and they’re so permanent.”

Percy nodded. The fleeting nature of ballet loomed over all of them. Most men could go until thirty-five at least, and a lot of women made it to forty, if not longer. But one bad injury could end a career in an instant.

“Do you want to be an architect when you retire?” He asked.

She shrugged. “Maybe, but that’s a hard career to start at forty. Knowing myself I’ll end up directing or choreographing. I don’t think I could ever really leave it behind, you know?”

“You could design theaters,” he suggested.

She smiled at him like she had had the thought before. “Yeah, I could.” Her hand dropped out of her pocket and rested near his, but he didn’t feel courageous enough to take it. “What about you?” She asked.

“Oh, I have no idea,” Percy said. “I barely graduated high school. College is not my speed, so I’ll probably linger in the ballet world as long as they’ll have me.”

She bumped him with her shoulder. “Come on, you have no ideas?” He shook his head. “Wildest dream? If a genie showed up right now and told you he’d give you your dream career, what would it be?”

“Well,” Percy said, “if I’m wishing for stuff, I’d just wish to be able to dance forever.”

“Alright that’s on me,” Annabeth said, laughing, “I set the bar too low.” She took his hand as they kept walking, lacing their fingers together, and he smiled. “Seriously, I won’t judge you.” She squeezed his hand, and Percy felt his smile get wider against his will. 

It was a hard question to answer. Percy had spent a lot of time in his training thinking about what he’d do if he didn’t get a company contract when his training ended. Teaching was one option, but he didn’t know if he’d like doing that if his own dreams had fallen through. With his poor grades, he always figured he’d just get a retail or restaurant job and try and work his way through management and dance on the weekends.

But if today were the day that he had to stop dancing …

“I guess I’d teach,” he admitted, “but I don’t know if I’d want to teach at SAB.”

“Why not?” She asked. They started walking out of the park and towards the street, wandering aimlessly through the West Village.

He had never really wanted to teach at SAB, he realized. Sure, the prospect of training a new group of kids who would go on to join City Ballet, and other top companies like Miami, Royal Ballet, Pacific Northwest was exciting, but he was lucky to have had that training at all. So many things had to go right in his life to even make it into their ranks – a good ballet teacher off the bat, scholarship money, his mom marrying a man who had a savings account and cared about her son. Without any of those things, Percy wouldn’t have a career.

“I was on my own at SAB,” he said, “one of the only kids who started late and didn’t have great training before that. Most other kids were,” like you, he thought, but he didn’t say it, “born lucky. They had exposure to ballet young, good training, and they never had to worry about how they were going to pay for things. I had to worry about that all the time. And I was still luckier than most.” He said. “Just think about how many talented kids there are just on my block alone that will never get my chance.” He looked ahead towards the street. The West Village had once a bohemian shithole, but (thanks in no small part to NYU) it had been gentrified into one of the most expensive areas in the city. “I guess if I could do anything I’d just try and help those kids. Don’t know how I’d do it, but that’s what I’d really like to do.” He told her. “I know it’s crazy.”

She stopped walking and pulled him to the side of the path, getting out of everyone's way.

“It’s not crazy,” She said.

For a moment on the edge of the sidewalk, hugging the wall of some coffee shop, neither of them moved. She looked at him, tilting her head up just slightly to look him in the eye. When she licked her lips slightly, Percy’s heart almost exploded, sure that she was going to lean in. But instead she broke the tension, turning back to the middle of the sidewalk to keep forward, dropping his hand.

“At least,” she said, not looking at him, “not as crazy as wanting to pivot to architecture.”

He jogged to catch up with her. “That’s not crazy either. Besides, if I know you at all, I know nothing will stop you from getting what you want.”

She smiled, looking down at the sidewalk as she walked forward. “Nothing stops you either as far as I can tell.”

“I am notoriously scrappy.” He said, pulling a laugh out her, which dissolved any remaining uncomfortable tension while taking away any remaining hope of a kiss.

~

When they finally got too cold to stand walking around any longer, they ducked into a dimly lit pub.

“Do you ever just wish you had a job where you didn’t have to worry so much about what you ate and drank?” Annabeth asked him. They did eat a lot, of course. They both probably ate more than the average person, they just also had to eat way healthier than the average person.

“Pretty much every day.” Percy said. “Every time a season ends, I just crush a cheeseburger, first thing.”

Annabeth had been to the pub before, and guided Percy through some good options on the menu.

Their conversation stayed light – childhood stories, embarrassing moments, favorite TV shows. When Annabeth started to ramble about how architecture was a universal language for people, one that was like dance -- beyond words -- Percy couldn’t stop smiling. Her gaze was distant, but her eyes were bright. Percy was delighted to see her so happy.

There were still so many little things he’d never known about her, he realized. For all their rehearsal time, for all of the detailed ways they understood one another, and everything they’d shared the night before, Annabeth was still a bit of a mystery to him. 

“You said you have a stepmom?” He asked. 

“Yeah,” she said, barely hiding her contempt for the woman. 

“Is your birth mom …” Percy trailed off, realizing the question was maybe too rude or invasive. 

Annabeth took a bite of food, stalling to decide what she would tell him. “She left when I was a baby. I never knew her.” She paused, her fork pushed around the peas on her plate. “Sometimes I wonder if she’ll come to the ballet, if she’d recognize me. Or if I’d recognize her walking down the street. I don’t think I would.” 

Percy reached across the table and took her hand. It was becoming incredibly mundane to hold her hand, he realized. Maybe this was a date. He ran a thumb over her knuckles to comfort her. 

“I never knew my dad either,” he paused before sharing the ridiculous part. “My mom told me he was lost at sea.” He watched Annabeth bite her lip to keep from laughing. “You can laugh, it’s an incredibly 19th century way to die.” She let herself smile, even giggled a little. “I have a hard time believing it, honestly. It always sounded like the deadbeat dad equivalent of your dog going upstate to live on a farm.” 

“So, one dad lost at sea, the other drowned in the river?” Annabeth asked. 

“We insist Paul stay away from large bodies of water for his own safety.” 

When the check came, Annabeth grabbed it off the table before Percy could even reach for it.

“Absolutely not,” Annabeth said when Percy reached across the table. “You’ve done so much for me the last few days, buying you lunch is the least I can do.”

Percy didn’t protest anymore, instead just choosing to thank her for the meal. He hoped it wasn’t the last one they got to share together.

~ 

As the afternoon went on and the sun started to set, Percy realized he needed to go home. He didn’t want to leave Annabeth, but he also didn’t want to be wearing the same clothes for twenty-four hours.

“I can come back if you need anything, or if Luke comes around,” he said as they headed towards the subway.

Annabeth shook her head. “I should be fine. I think I’m going to call Beck and Silena and talk some things out with them.” You can talk to me, Percy wanted to insist. But he knew she was closer with them than with him, no matter what he wanted to be true.

“Call me if you need anything,” he told her. She nodded and promised she would.

They stood at the top of the subway stairs, doing their best to stay out of everyone else’s way, but that was almost impossible to do when you were standing still on the New York City sidewalk.

“Percy,” she said looking up at him, “thank you. Seriously, thank you for everything.” She pulled him into a tight hug, burying her face in his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, trying to hold her even closer. Her hair smelled like lemons.

“Anytime,” he told her. He pressed a gentle kiss into the top of her head; if she noticed or minded, she didn’t show any sign of it.

Annabeth pulled away after a little too long (not that Percy minded) and smiled at him. “Get home safe,” she said, before turning to head towards her apartment.

~ 

Percy rested his head back against the subway window, grateful for a seat on his way back up town, trying to remember the way Annabeth’s hair smelled, and the ways her eyes lit up when she was excited.

He hoped that they stayed close when they weren’t dancing together anymore. They have to, he figured. They were friends now, not just coworkers or dance partners.

He knew from experience that performances come and go too quickly – a month of rehearsal just for four shows? It was almost unfair. Lee’s husband, a Broadway actor, had once complained about his eight shows a week schedule at a company party. Eight Sleeping Beauty’s a week was probably physically impossible, but Percy did sometimes miss doing six or eight ballets a week as an apprentice or corps member. He certainly wouldn’t pass up one or two extra performances of Sleeping Beauty if he had the chance . He wanted to hold onto it for just a little bit longer.  

~

When Percy woke up the next morning, his chest was already tight with anxiety, his heart thumping loudly. He didn’t remember his dream, but he’d had enough pre-show nightmares to imagine what public embarrassments his subconscious had created for him. He performed tomorrow, he remembered. He took a deep breath, but it didn’t do anything to calm his anxiety. He did his daily morning routine of breakfast, pilates, and stretching, the rapid beating of his heart calming only ever long enough for him to notice. 

He had fleeting moments of confidence as a dancer – moments where he was sure he was good, that he was going to succeed, moments where, if he closed his eyes, he could swear that he was flying, not just jumping. That feeling of freedom. But mostly he would rag on himself for things he couldn’t do or didn’t do well. Those fleeting moments of confidence could be diminished by any small error.

He had to succeed. His mother had sacrificed so much just to get him to dance practice and to keep him enrolled at the school. There were so many years of his career where principal felt impossible. But now he was so close. If he never made it that next step …

When he was twelve and his YMCA teacher told Sally that he should be in more advanced classes, Sally asked him if he wanted to continue ballet. Just say no, he had told himself, knowing that there was no way his mom could pay for all the lessons he’d need. It would hurt less to stop dancing at twelve than to make it all the way to fourteen or fifteen only to give it up then.

He had spent as much time dancing as he spent worrying that at some point the rug would be pulled out from under him, and he’d lose it all. That there would be a point where he just couldn’t continue. He already spent most of his training playing catch-up with people who had been dancing since they could stand.

But when the words “No, I don’t want to keep dancing” had left his twelve-year old mouth, his mother looked at him with knowing eyes. 

 “If you want to do it, we will do what we have to do,” she told him. 

That meant he had to switch to public school and working jobs to pay for summer intensives and after-school classes. Dance was more than just a way to stay out of the house, away from Gabe. He’d started getting into fewer and fewer fights. Once Gabe was gone, he really shaped up. He’d never even met the principal of the public school he went to before moving to SAB. Even his grades improved. He was no Einstein, but he’d gotten a B in his science class. 

Even with all that, and his scholarships, it was Paul that made any of it possible. He’d gotten lucky; finally, some of that luck that seemed to grace some of the worst people finally trickled down to him and his mom. She had married a man with a savings account and love of the arts. He had no problem helping them pay for his summer intensives or his academy tuition.

He thought of his meeting with Chiron at the end of his last year at SAB. The year before, when he was seventeen, he had been encouraged to stay another year, and to try out for other companies. “An apprenticeship isn’t out of the picture,” Chiron told him, but Percy had barely heard it.  

He stumbled home in a daze. He didn’t know what he’d expected. He felt dumb for hoping even a little bit that he might finally earn a spot. 

When he opened the door to the apartment, he tried to run past his mom, who shouted after him asking about his day. Chiron never scheduled the one-on-ones in advance; it made the whole thing more and less anxiety inducing. He threw his bag on the bed, filled with a familiar anger he hadn’t felt in years. He wanted to hit the wall, or go outside and find some bully he could punch. It wasn’t fair . 

His door cracked open, and the anger dissipated. 

“Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” She asked. Percy couldn’t remember the last time he cried. He thought he’d lost the ability to really, really break down somewhere in middle school. But he was out of practice holding back tears with anger, and with the anger gone, there wasn’t anything to stop it. 

Before he really knew what was happening, his mom had him in her arms, sitting him on the bed as she hugged him. 

“I’m so sorry, Mom,” he cried, guilt and disappointment cut through his stomach and chest like a knife. Sally had tried to assure him that he wasn’t a failure, but that didn’t change any of his thinking on the issue. “I tried so hard.” 

When Nutcracker season came, and Percy wasn’t offered an apprenticeship, he figured that it truly was over. “Men almost never get chosen this time of year,” his friend Rachel reminded him. “They need girls.” Her eyes were rimmed red; he’d noticed the way she’d snuck out once word got out that the apprentices had been chosen, and she hadn’t been one of them. 

He went through the motions of audition season, determined to get a spot in a different top five company, or at least one in an exciting location, like England or Germany. After weeks of no positive news, he had almost gotten to a point where he thought his entire dance career was over, until Lupa Lopez had called him back about his audition, and offered him a spot at Miami. He and Rachel were the only two from SAB she’d chosen. His mom had let him have a glass of champagne to celebrate.  

Chiron was less enthusiastic than his mother had been. When Percy told him the good news, he kept a straight face and asked, “Have you signed anything yet?”

“No.”

“Good, don’t.”

He was called into the office two days later. “Lupa and I have the same eye for dancers,” he said. “She’s taken some of my best away from me. So, it wasn’t surprising to hear that she was interested in you joining her company. She must see the same things in you that I see.”

Percy’s eyes went wide.

“You’re talented, Percy,” Chiron continued, “and disciplined,” that was the first time a teacher had said that about him, he realized. Chiron handed Percy a stack of a few papers. “And you should stay with City Ballet.”

It took Percy a moment to realize what he was looking at. His dyslexia only acted up when he got stressed. Finally, he deciphered it. “Wait … is this for real?” He was holding an apprentice contract with his name on it.

“Sorry for making you go on all of those auditions,” Chiron said. He wanted to ask why it had taken so long, but he held back his pride long enough to make it out of the office without fucking up his career before it started. 

Percy hadn’t even waited to get home to tell his mom. Instead, he found a quiet stairwell where he could tell her and cry with her. He thought she was going to break his ribs with how tightly she hugged him when he got home. “I’m just so happy,” she said, “that you don’t have to move to Miami.”

He was tired of barely succeeding – barely making it into SAB, barely getting an apprenticeship, barely getting leading roles. He wondered for a moment if she had these fleeting moments of confidence met quickly by self-doubt, before he remembered their last “Diamonds” rehearsal. It had taken her nine months to come back to New York, to step on stage again. Even now, in The Sleeping Beauty rehearsals, she sometimes faltered, losing confidence in her left foot, or some other part of herself. She hadn’t just gotten injured during “Diamonds.” She had broken something much deeper; she had hit a level of doubt and pain that you can’t easily pull yourself out of.

He didn’t have the luxury of breaking, though. He could only bend.

Annabeth couldn’t break either. Luke had been in the wings during “Diamonds,” he remembered. He thought then what everyone else thought -- just a fiancé watching his girl. He felt a chill, and remembered the way Luke hadn’t moved a muscle to help her when she fell. He was waiting, Percy realized, for her to fail. And he was in New York now, waiting in the audience for her to fall again. 

Don’t let me fall, she’d asked him during their very first run of the pas together. He wouldn’t, he decided. He didn’t care what they had to do, they were going to hold each other upright. 

They both had to bend and bend far. Four shows, Percy realized, four shows to get it right. Just don’t forget the choreography, and don’t drop her. He told himself. And if you forget the choreography, just make it up.    

Luke had left a principal male spot open that Chiron still hadn’t filled. In a fleeting moment of confidence, Percy told himself You’re the perfect fit.

He felt like he was standing on the edge of a cliff, but he couldn’t see what was at the bottom. He was safe as long as he stayed on land. If he jumped, he could die, or he could land safely in the water. There wasn’t another way forward.

[mimikoolover]

Hi I’m the anon from the other day who went on a ramble about jikook and the fandom, hope you’re having a good day😊

You’re right that a lot of negativity is on twitter and it’s like its own bubble, it’s always the same in every fandom… and just twitter in general lol it really makes for such a hostile environment. But it’s also really good for getting some sort of overview of fandoms I feel, don’t really get that on any other app. Anyway, I totally understand when you’ve been a fan for a long time the need to step away and toxicity ruining your experience, been there. As a newer fan of something it’s easier to just watch it all go down and not get affected as much, but I try to focus on the positive!

I’ve been having SO much fun becoming a fan watching their content (which seriously, idk if I’ll even get through it all before they all come back… how did new fans ever have time to catch up on old stuff while they were being active in real time too??) But most of all - I can’t believe I’ve been missing out on all this amazing music for so many years! I’ve been somewhat aware of bts for a long time, but never really knew anything or listened to them. After 2020 I assumed it was all Dynamite type stuff, so the chock when I came across Set me free pt 2 and Agust D was real, in the BEST way!

I’ve grown so fond of so many of the group songs, and even the ones I didn’t initially love keep growing on me. I have a new fave every day it seems! They really are so so good and diverse. And as for solo, I love some songs from all of them, but Yoongi and Jimin are the most interesting to me music wise. Hobi too tho, absolutely LOVE some of his songs. Love Fri(end)s too, Namjoons new album keeps growing on me, The Astronaut makes me emo every time I hear it, some of JK’s songs are bops for sure even if I don’t feel as much connection with them. I’m super looking forward to Never let go though!

Gahhh I could talk about their music and content and dynamics and just THEM forever, for you it’s probably like yea dude we been knew they’re amazing lol but here I am sharing the new fan joy!🙌 haha

hey anon nice to hear from you again💜and it's super nice to read how much you're enjoying discovering new content! I definitely miss being a new fan and discovering it all. you may indeed not manage to finish everything before bts comes back🤣but I def recommend watching run! bts and gayo if you can! I'm planning on rewatching them this summer too.

it's funny you say that about their solo work because yoongi's first solo songs solidified me becoming a fan too. like I really enjoyed bts songs obviously but their solo work was so impressive too, it made me an even bigger fan quicker. it's just so good discovering all their music😭

definitely give still with you and my you by jungkook a listen, they're songs he produced/wrote/made like never let go so i expect never let go to be similar and tbh they are my comfort songs along with letter🥹

june is the best month as a bts fan, i hope you're enjoying it a lot🤍

[byers7wheeler]

Firstly I really, truly need you to understand you’re not a bad person for still enjoying the show and I am so sorry you’ve been made to feel that way.

I’m going to try and lay things out in a way that’s easy to understand:

Boycott - It can’t be boycott. ST is already getting made. Everyone is already getting paid. Nothing is stopping season 5’s release. People are being dramatic as hell and all you really can do to assist is cancel your Netflix subscription and not interact with posts on official pages (but absolutely post clips or screenshots etc same as usual for your own pages and enjoy them that way! For official accs it’s interaction levels people want to target)

You can also not buy merch, however if you receive merch as gifts from those who know that you like ST you are not a bad person for loving and keeping them!!! It’s not your money! I have to say that because I have seen others believe that, which is ridiculous. No logic to that.

“But then again there’s a literal genocide going on.” - Darling, it’s okay! It’s great that you show so much empathy, but there’s really only so much you can do. This specific situation is so dire, even things like donations as one normally would do to help have been discouraged because it’s not making it to the actual people! There’s a reason we sometimes feel helpless about it okay? You spread awareness when you feel you can, you go to protests if safe in your city, you write to any officials in your govt if safe to, you avoid giving to any brands you’re financially able to not support, and that’s kind of all right now. Recognizing your privilege in being able to step away when it feels mentally heavy is good too, but you’re still allowed to take a breather for a few days if needed. Nothing, absolutely nothing to do with your favorite show and your enjoyment of it.

The main thing:

A fandom is merely an extension of its source material, that is all fic writers, fan artists, video editors etc are doing. It is all fictional and removed from the streaming service. Nobody here is a marketing team - we all have SO much smaller influence than people think; we are not influencers, we are not promoters or journalists or review critics. Posting to your fandom feed does nothing. Posting to your personal Insta story about a new trailer? yeah that’s more promoting than sharing hype in a fandom space is.

If others can’t separate characters from actors, or are still at an immature stage where seeing someone’s face is enough to ruin their whole day and feel the need to change a character’s appearance because of it, or are unable to regulate themselves and step away and come back after cooling down instead of saying a million unnecessary things in the heat of the moment - that’s not my problem. It’s not your problem. They will try and make you think it’s your problem, what they’re saying and doing is truly morally correct (can’t be, they lack nuance in everything), that because they’re right you have to do exactly what they do - but you don’t. You can’t shut down a fandom and you shouldn’t. They can go away if they can’t separate things (and thankfully most are going away 🙏).

Nobody is pathetic or an asshole for still enjoying the show and everyone should keep an eye on the types of people who say things like that to guilt you (usually a fellow minor, mean spirited and often gets in random fights anyway, stans celebrities and isn’t used to a fandom where it’s understood fictional characters are not real people.).

Another big thing - it’s understandable to want opinions or talk things out with others, but I so discourage listening to anyone who tries to help but does so in a mean way (your gut will tell you). I say this because I saw you say the pressure of others is getting to you. Again I’m sorry, because that pressure is affecting so many people and it’s so good you broke free from that and asked instead of following blindly. So many of those people especially on tiktok will be minors and while they may know information, they don’t have a lot of experience and context to put it into and it’s all very surface level and performative. Not all of them, but definitely the one’s going for people’s throats. You’re 21 - find better sources and don’t listen to them. Step away from tiktok for a bit if you have to.

You’re not a shitty person. You’re not a shitty person. I hope you keep enjoying the show and when a wave of hate comes once filming starts or trailers drop I hope you stay strong! Try and find some people (preferably other mature adults) on tumblr or something to lean on! All love to you.

Omg anon you’re actually so fucking nice and sweet, I won’t even respond to all this I’ll respond more to your second one