#anyway very useless post i felt funny making this

[superfruitland]

okay okay okay i was gonna start doing the requests but i had a fleeting thought

[whatsjulietslastname]

Okay so this is me talking about everything that is wrong with Double Exposure because my first post about it was an angry reaction at the pricefield breaking up news and it wasn’t really diving into it. Obviously don’t read this if you haven’t played the game and do not want to get spoiled. Also, this is going to be long.

First of all, what I really want to speak about and what a lot of people are refusing to accept is how painfully out of character Max is throughout the whole game. “Yeah but she’s ten years older—” Don’t care. That doesn’t mean her entire personality has to change. I’ll say it over and over again, 2014 Max Caulfield would have absolutely despised her adult version. The thing that bugs me the most about 2024 Max Caulfield is how careless she is with her powers. She’s not asking herself where they came from, she doesn’t even freak out, or actually care. In the first game, right after she first rewinds, she constantly has to remind herself that she isn’t dreaming, and that this is real. In this game, she just accepts it, and goes on with her day, and uses her powers for the most useless reasons possible. What about the Max from her nightmare who represents the guilt she felt for using her powers wrong and putting all of those people in danger, you say? Absolutely forgotten. Max uses her powers so she can find items easier and so the people who rejected her in her main timeline want her in the other one. (Yes, after Chloe breaks up with her and expresses her worries about the fact that Max — apparently — uses her powers so things go her way — which is already incredibly out of character, because no, 2014 Max wouldn’t have used her powers on Chloe to avoid conflict, especially after what happened.) That is incredibly manipulative and shitty. SHE WOULDN’T FUCKING SAY THAT. And also, why on Earth would she try and use her powers to avoid her friend’s death when she KNOWS where this is leading. Did she not learn anything from the past? Apparently, she didn’t! And proceeded to completely forget about it all.

Something else that is incredibly annoying and gets tiring after like ten minutes is the amount of awkward sex-related jokes that Max (and every character, somehow) keeps making at any given moment. Pretty sure this was supposed to show us that Max is an adult now and that she hangs out with adults and knows what sex is but that is way too much. Nobody talks like that in real life (and if I ever meet someone who does I’m leaving the conversation). Max also makes cringey jokes all the time, because her dialogue (and hers only, which makes it sound even weirder) is the same as the 2014 one, except it was 2014 back then and it was acceptable. Now, if Max Caulfield says ‘let’s trash, shakabrah’, you’re only making it obvious how much fan-service you filled this game with. It would be funny if she said it to Chloe, because then it would have sounded like an inside joke, except she says it to her new lame love interest who has no idea what she’s talking about, and just. Why. Why would she, Deck Nine. The main problem about the fact that those jokes are thrown at us all the time is that Max’s inner dialogue is almost only focused on them. Something traumatic happens to her? Who cares. She’s gotta make a joke about the rock you pick up and then bring to another universe’s lame love interest who’s gonna reject her anyway and say ‘I’ll never apologize for my dad jokes’ because apparently, we’re never seeing the end of the fan-service in this game.

Chloe is out of character too the only few times we hear of her, but that’s only because Deck Nine makes it obvious how much they despise her. She leaves Max through a very underwhelming letter, which is already out of character enough. She then proceeds to never reach out for years (which is something Max has done to her and that has hurt her, so why the fuck would she do the same thing right after?) And apparently, she doesn’t care. She just moves on, and parties, and kind of starts flirting with Max’s high school bully, and makes cringey posts on the Internet that make her sound like an extremely corny player. That isn’t Chloe Price. That’s someone Chloe Price would make fun of, at most. I kept picturing 2014 Chloe reading the things her adult self apparently posts on social media and freeze in terror. Genuinely. Also, the whole ‘Joyce is dead and Chloe is angry at Max for it’. Sigh. Chloe gave Max the choice. She said ‘you’re the only one who can (make this choice)’. And then, when Max choses her, in front of her, and lets the town get blown away, Chloe says ‘I’ll always be with you’. Why the sudden switch up? Never explained. Chloe is just angry at Max for something she originally wasn’t angry at her for.

The writing in this game is super weak, too. There are a few cool scenes (I’m thinking the one where Safi tells Max to pulls the trigger in the middle of the storm, if you manage to make it past how boringly similar to LiS 1 it feels), but it’s mostly just…meh, at most. For instance, Safi asks Max about Chloe, we learn that Chloe and Max broke up, or that Chloe died, and then without giving us any time to process that, the game forces us to friendzone or flirt with some random girl that is apparently into Max. We don’t have any time to decide if we like her or not, you just take a look at her and decide if Max wants her. The dialogues are more often than not awful too. It sounds like something ChatGPT would write. Nearly every single interaction Max can have with basically anyone feels forced, and like people talk too much, or not enough, people say random thing that makes no sense and nobody cares, we suddenly hear Max’s thoughts in a middle of a conversation, there are awkward moments of silence. Painful to witness. Max has NO chemistry with either of her love interests (though the guy is somehow more interesting than the girl to interact with), and manages to have more romantic moments with her best friend who she’s not supposed to be into than with them. Both those love interests are useless and suck anyway, because they will both end up rejecting Max by the end anyway, and apparently won’t even return, which strikes the question of why the romantic plot lines were even involved. (Which also made me hate Amanda a lot. I guess she is somewhat likable at the beginning of the game, but she gradually becomes annoyingly pushy and ends up telling Max she’s too much to deal with at the end of the game anyway). Also, it’s annoying how obvious it is that the romantic plot line is way more explored with Amanda than it is with Vihn. Stop making Max look like she’s basically a lesbian but not completely because she hooks up with guys sometimes. Stop bisexual erasure, basically.

The game gives up on its own plot in the middle of it. It was promoted as a murder mystery but stop being one after a while to become a What The Hell Is Going On With Safi kind of thing. Also, there’s the whole thing with the detective. Why did they even create him only to treat him as a joke and never explain what happened with him. One of the most confusing thing about this game. What the hell was that for.

The nightmare sequence. God, how I hate it. If you want to deal with Max’s trauma, do it WELL. It’s a go big or go home thing, not a ‘let’s put some sort of references but never properly deal with anything’. IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING. There’s references about Chloe everywhere, and never Chloe. I get it, you don’t want her to be in this game. But if you do want to talk about Max’s trauma, you gotta swallow your pride and put her somewhere anyway. Max can’t have a nightmare about the things that traumatized her without Chloe being there. It just makes it even more obvious how much the studio avoided to put her in the game on purpose. The bathroom scene? God, please, what the fuck was that. Why would Max think of herself as some kind of Nathan Prescott parallel?? The only thing they had in common was pointing a gun at someone. That’s it. That was another poor attempt of the game to try and not put Chloe there but still say ‘look!! Max still thinks about her and is traumatized!! But she somehow dreams about it without seeing her face once!!’ like just stop. And the Dark Room part felt very underwhelming too. Kudos to Hannah Telle for the amazing voice acting on this, but the scene lasted ten seconds. Just don’t put it there, please.

The nightmare isn’t needed in every LiS game. So isn’t the Storm. So aren’t the nosebleed. Why does Diamond get nosebleed because of her powers? That was a Max thing. Daniel didn’t get nosebleed, Alex didn’t get nosebleed, Chris didn’t get nosebleed. (Rachel didn’t get nosebleed either). Why is this suddenly something everybody get because of their powers?? And why do every powers suddenly create Storms. It’s not a common Powers Problem, it was a Rewind Powers thing. God, this makes me mad.

And last but not least. The final choice. It felt so??? Underwhelming??? I use this word a lot, but it’s how the whole game feels for me. The LiS choices are hard to pick. There’s no morally wrong or right answer. It depends on who you are, what you stand for. The first game was about learning how to let go or refuse to let your friend get ruined by fate. The second game was about giving your life up for your brother to have a chance or refusing to give up on what you believe in and what makes you who you are, no matter what. Before the Storm was about protecting your loved ones from the truth or refusing to lie to them and let them hurt. True Colors was about forgive the unforgivable in the name of compassion or hold a grudge in the name of family.

And then there’s this game. ‘Do you wanna join the X-men me and my team of supervillains and take over the world lol’. Why would Max say yes to that. Just why. If you want to play the game in character, it’s obvious that you have to pick ‘refuse’. If you want to play an out of character evil Max just for the sake of it because it’s fun, alright! I don’t blame you. It’s fun. But why on Earth would Max Caulfield agree.

Also, they take you for an idiot with the cat content. Do NOT waste your money on it, you will regret it.

Anyway. This game would’ve been okay if it hadn’t been apart of the LiS franchise, and if it had starred a different main character. I still would’ve thought it was confusing and generally not great, but at least it wouldn’t have felt like such a let down. (Side note: everything I’ve said doesn’t include Moses and Gwen. I want to put them in my pocket and carry them around with me forever. Love them a lot.)

And congratulations if you’ve read this far. I probably would’ve gone ‘I ain’t reading allat’ and scrolled

[the-modern-typewriter]

PLEASEEEEE POST THE F/F SNIPPET I AM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH. I loved the last one you posted so when you said there's MORE? HELLO?

“Nope.” Astra flicked the light switch on the wall again, once, twice. “It’s definitely dead.” She moved over to the window, drawing the sweeping curtain aside and peering down the rain-sodden street. “Looks like the power’s gone out for everyone.”

It was supposed to be her birthday.  Who wanted to have a power-cut on their birthday? She couldn’t even cook the dinner she had planned. Of course, she hadn’t told anyone it was her birthday, it felt too much like a demand for gifts or attention, but she’d been looking forward to at least doing something special.

She turned.

Lucille hummed an acknowledgement, continuing to light candles, flitting from one to another. They made the room feel strangely more like a temple than before. Lucille was one of those impressively and sometimes terrifyingly uncluttered people; her attic flat was all smooth white lines and high ceilings. It always felt far more peaceful than Astra’s place, which tended to be sprawled through with half-finished easels, half-drunk cups of tea and stacks of marking at any given stage.

Astra bit her lip. She felt rather useless simply standing there staring, even if Lucille had already done most of the candles anyway, so asking if she could help felt a bit pointless. It was all clearly in hand. She cleared her throat.

Lucille shifted to face her at the sound and held her last match up to mouth, illuminating a flash of soft pink lips, before she blew the flame out. She shook the matchstick, trailing smoke as she set it aside, but held onto the candle in her other hand. The wax was a deep purple, the flame the same flickering gold as all the rest.

“Have you ever experimented with wax before?” Lucille asked, oh so casually.

Astra released a breath, startled by the sudden question, and shook her head. Her pulse shot up. “No,” she said. “But we talked about it.”

She very much doubted Lucille had forgotten that, judging by the look in her eyes.

They had met a little under a year ago, when Astra had wandered into one of Lucille’s exhibitions after work. Astra’s works were all traditional fine art paintings – when she had time anymore anyway – but Lucille’s had been shown in photographs that day.

“People get funny about me exhibiting actual people,” Lucille had said, coming to a stop next to her. “It’s a shame, really. A photograph doesn’t quite capture the same effect, you know?”

Lucille’s work had, technically, been painting also. It was just that she had painted on people’s skin rather than a canvas.

One man stood with his chest brushed skeletal, each line of his bones and ribs lit glossy white again. His heart was the only burst of colour. Another piece was a woman whose mastectomy scars had been painted over with blooming flowers, new growth, life. Another of the photographs still had been a portrait of a woman with half of her face perfectly made up with make-up, and the other half painted to be shattering like glass. Ruined.

“It’s quite an effect, though,” Astra had replied. Her heart had hammered wildly in her heart, too big, entranced in a way she hadn’t felt in a while.  “I can only imagine what the real thing is like.”

Lucille had smiled, head tipping to examine her, up and down. She watched Lucille back. She was a delicate sort of woman, cute and unthreatening. Astra had felt Lucille's attention slide through her veins like something molten all the same.

“I’d love to do you,” Lucille said, then. “Sometime. If you’re free.”

That was how it had started.

Astra didn’t consider herself the most lovely of models – she spent too many hours teaching art in classrooms and stealing chocolate digestives from the staffroom to be much of a work of art herself – but the paintbrush sweeping over her skin had been soothing.  

She’d been painted by Lucille a number of times since then, small things; a bluebird on her shoulder, an ocean up to her ankle, a ring of fingertip-shaped bruises meticulously crafted around her wrists. She was always reluctant to wash the paint off, but she’d spent a long time staring at the bruises in particular.

That was how it had evolved.

“I think you’ll like wax,” Lucille continued. “Though, as ever, you are free to say no at any time.”

Astra walked across the candlelit room and sat down in the middle of the floor in response. She raised her brows at Lucille. It wasn’t what they’d had planned for the evening, before the blackout, but she certainly wasn’t objecting to the idea.

Lucille laughed, softly, under her breath. She filled a bowl of water in the sink before coming over too, sitting down. She set the candle and the bowl to the left and studied Astra for a beat. Her attention had turned laser focused again, in the way that always made Astra’s breath catch.

Lucille was the kind of woman who suited candlelight, moonlight; anything less defined than the bright fluorescent strips of artificial bulbs. They made her seem otherworldly. Astra watched her consider, something sliding honeyed in the pit of her belly.

“Off,” Lucille murmured.

Astra pulled her dress over her head with practiced ease and tossed it a safe distance away, somewhere without fire, before wriggling out of her tights. A shiver ran down her spine as the cooler air hit her bare skin. A second shiver followed as Lucille reached out, warm fingers brushing up her calf, before moving atop her knee to press and guide her legs away from where they hunched instinctively against her chest. Astra rested them flat stretched in front of her.

Lucille leaned in to press a kiss to her lips, deep and calming, before she pulled back.

“You look beautiful,” she whispered. “Stop worrying. I’ll do your front, so you can see the finished work.”

Astra huffed and smiled, waving a hand for Lucille to go ahead.

She watched as Lucille reached for the candle. She watched as Lucille held it over her legs with a steady hand, letting her see the first time. The purple wax pooled and dropped, splattering a starburst against Astra’s thigh.

“Oh, fuck.” It blurted out of her in a shocked astonishment.

If the paint brush had always had a lulling feeling, gentle and cold, then the heat of the wax was almost like being hit. It was the same flare of heat that quickly cooled. It was, all in all, impossible to focus on anything else.

“Okay?” Lucille asked.

Astra managed a nod and managed not to giggle, breathlessly. The world apart from them suddenly felt very far away.

“Good.” Lucille reached out with her free hand, and then in one swift movement grabbed Astra by the throat and pressed her to lay down on the floor. “Don’t move,” she whispered, against Astra’s ear, before nipping her neck.  “You’ll be in trouble if you make me start over.”

Astra bit her lip for an entirely different reason than awkwardness, face flushing. She didn’t move.

The candlelight painted the room awash in shades of ochre, amber, and red; softening and sharpening corners, transforming the world she knew into new definitions. The light rippled and danced across the ceiling.

The second droplet of wax landed on her stomach, then the third, the fourth, the fifth and a small sound escaped her throat. She couldn’t brace for it. It was too unpredictable, never exactly the same heat twice. Some stung, some burned, some were the same gentle warmth as a kiss. She squeezed her eyes shut, her breathing turning ragged.

Lucille shifted more candles closer, more shades for her palette. 

It took every inch of will power Astra had to hold still as the colour splashed over her; purples and blues and bright yellows and whites. She curled her fingers into fists, digging her nails into her palms. She thought she might scream – not from pain, exactly, but because of the way every burning wax-stroke made her more aware of her body than before. More sensitive.

Lucille stopped when she started whimpering, at a particularly hot droplet just below her waist. Her hips twitched. Needing to move. Needing to deal with it somehow. Lucille leaned down to blow cool air on the spot, another soft laugh on her lips.

Astra released another, helpless, curse word in response.

“If you can’t restrain yourself, dear, I’ll have to do it for you.” Lucille’s voice was teasing. “You’re being very distracting.”

“ME!?” Astra yelped.

Lucille smothered a grin, then started again.

She pieced her work together like the fragments of a mosaic and with time the heat turned to white noise, wax pattering like bright rain upon the windows of Astra’s mind.  It was not, exactly, soothing, by any means and yet something about it was. It was overwhelming. It didn’t allow for wandering minds or ordinary troubles. She was a work of art, nothing more, nothing less. All she had to do, in the grand scheme of everything, was hold still. It was easy to get lost in the feeling.

Every so often, Lucille would pause, but time lost all meaning. It came in drips and drops, rather than anything so plebeian as seconds or minutes.

 Finally, Lucille set the candles down completely.

Astra’s head swam, and the world felt softer, and she didn’t think it was just candlelight.

Lucille leaned back over her, arms braced on either side of Astra’s head, making sure not to dislodge the wax. Her blonde hair tickled Astra’s cheek.

“Good girl. Okay?” she asked.

Astra made a noise of agreement because words felt like far too much effort. She grinned up at Lucille to make it clear. Lucille smiled back. She leaned down to press another kiss to Astra’s mouth.

“Do you want to see?”  

Astra gave her a look, because yes, of course she wanted to see.

Lucille’s smile turned to a grin again too and she helped Astra to sit up, slowly, so that she could get a good look at what she had become.

Astra’s eyes widened, her gaze roaming over the purples and blues and bright yellows and whites. Lucille had made her a constellation, a galaxy, a twinkling array of stars picked out upon the deepest swirls of night.

“Ooh.” Astra’s breath left her in a long, amazed, sigh. “Wow.”

She was, without question, fucking beautiful.

She would go to an entire gallery filled with pictures like that, 3D across the curves of her body; painstaking, blot by pretty blot.

She met Lucille’s gaze.

“Happy birthday,” Lucille said.

She’d known.

“I didn’t get through enough candles, technically,” Lucille continued, “but you can still make a wish. If you like.”

Astra laughed, and dragged her into yet another kiss, another, and another still. She kissed her breathless. She could think of nothing to wish for, in that moment, except what she already had.

The lights above them flickered, before switching back on as the power outage came to an end. Astra blinked against the brightness.

Lucille gave the nape of her neck a reassuring squeeze and pulled back. “Get cleaned up,” she said. “I’ll get dinner on.”

Astra caught her hand, and squeezed it back.

“Thank you,” she replied.

Lucille tossed her a wink, bringing Astra's hand up to her lips and pressing a kiss to her knuckles.

She was never going to feel the same lighting candles on a power-cut again.

[s12e28]

AlCale Fanfiction Recommendations from a Crazy Person (Updating…)

For those who can accept anything.

All the works are from sotdae (솟대). I recommend reading in this order…!

I Don’t Love You (나는 당신을 사랑해지 않는다)

Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 2 (R18) • Epilogue (R18)

_

Of course it matters who the Young Master Shield dates! The mere rumor of the Rowoon Empire losing their Moon, their Silver Light, to a lover from a foreign power is already causing an uproar in the nobles’ conference—what more if the citizens caught wind? All the development in post-war stability will be for naught… unless…

“…What is it, Your Majesty?”

“Will you go out with me?”

“Are you crazy?”

If problems can be solved with bigger problems, then scandals can be solved with even bigger scandals.

Alver and Cale fake-date for political reasons. It progresses exactly how you’d expect it to.

_

Beautifully written. The author was able to excellently capture how two of the most calculating bastards would get together in their own special way.

Plot and Dialogue : S-Tier

_

Real Person Can Sue You

Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 2 (R18)

_

‘Why would he do something so stupid? He was so rich that additional income didn’t mean anything, and the honor he could lose was endless.’

OR

The one where Cale picks up a strange hobby after everything’s settled down.

_

If ancient Mesopotamia could churn out fanfiction for their local heroes Gilgamesh and Enkidu, then who’s to say Rowoon won’t have the same for their beloved Sun and Moon? Anyways, I dub this the “fujo cale fanfic”. It was a very funny unhinged premise, but still.

Plot and Dialogue : S-Tier

_

Hand (손)

Oneshot

_

There’s nothing in the hands of Rowoon’s newly crowned King that Cale desires.

Alver knows this.

And really, it’s not a bad thing at all.

“When you could read love in my eyes, did you think I couldn’t read love in yours?”

_

Well, I thought this was really… the character interpretation… I can see it in canon. Cale sat Alver on the throne because he knows that by then, the other’s number one priority will always be Rowoon. The second that priority wavers, Cale will definitely beat the King back to his senses. Don’t be distracted by useless emotions and focus. It was bittersweet, but the ending was really good. Alcale is real…

Plot and Dialogue: S-Tier

_

Bum of the Governor’s Family (관찰사댁의 한량이 되었다)

Part 1 • Part 2

(I’m not doing it any justice—but basically the title is a parody of the original work. Maybe a more literal translation of the title would be “I Became The Bum Bride of the Governor’s Household” because of 관찰사댁의. Also 한량이 is the more ancient term equivalent for “Slacker” with use dating back to the 900’s Goryeo Dynasty—so just imagine that setting and time period.)

_

A white hand like snow stretched out in front of Alver’s eyes.

“Take it, Your Highness. Then I’ll give you the world.”

The sweetest temptation.

Alver took its hand.

_

Oriental AU. Characteristics of secondary-sex and pheromones, but not necessarily omegaverse. If you’re a fan of Kingmaker Cale, then this one’s for you. Cunning til the end, while it does roughly follow the plot of the original—there are still some moments that will make you go: ah!

Plot and Dialogue: S-tier

_

Love Potion (사랑의 묘약)

Oneshot

_

There lay an empty a glass plate, its previous contents reduced to mere crumbs of sugar.

Funny thing is, apparently one of them had… a love potion!?

“Your Majesty, if you’re in love with me right now, give me a week’s vacation.”

“Well, the potion’s effects only last for three days…”

“Tch. Then three days.”

Alver smiled faintly.

“Young Master Cale, if you’re in love with me right now, please review this budget report.”

_

It was funny how they couldn’t tell who took the love potion. Whatever they felt has always been, in their own definition, love. A very sweet story.

Plot and Dialogue: S-tier

_

Jane

Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 (R18)

WARNING: The content of this story may not be suitable for those who are sensitive to: Rape, Adultery, Self-Harm, Blackmail (incest), Graphic descriptions of Death/Murder (infants, toddlers).

Please read with caution.

-

“Don’t call me, I won’t answer.”

“Then how do I catch you?”

Cale, who was inclined against the bedside, smiled brightly. He leaned his red head against the window, long hair flowing down and mixing with the moonlight.

“How can you catch me?”

_

If you can handle the heavy themes listed in the warning, then PLEASE give “Jane” a chance. No words can describe the emotional rollercoaster that was this story. Every description was as vivid as it was jarring. The downwards slope came gradually, but when it got steep—it felt impossible to turn back. For you as a reader, and for them as characters. Think about if Alver and Cale’s usual tacit agreement with each other took a twisted turn. I can guarantee none of what you’re thinking of now could prepare you for this fic.

Plot and Dialogue: SSS-Tier

_

copycat

Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 • Part 5 (R18) • Part 6 (R18) • Part 7 (R18) • Part 8 • Part 9

_

Basically LCF if it were the Sci-Fi genre. No excerpt, there are too many incredible parts. Heads up for scientists on steroids instead of mages, advanced AI robots instead of dragons, cyborgs instead of necromancers, and sick eugenicist AI White Star. Give it a read if you’re a fan of rich world building!

Plot and Dialogue: SSS-Tier

_

[ryuichirou]

Dark headcanons feat. Idia

Anonymous asked:

Got any more super dark head canons for our favorite hikikomori? I’m a glutton for punishment, I know.🫠

Anonymous asked:

being normal is overrated. fuck it gimme your most messed up idia hcs nsfw and sfw

Ask and you shall receive, dear Anons, even if it happens several months later 😭

I want to thank you once again for your patience; one of the reasons why it took me this long was that I always get excited when we receive asks about darker scenarios. I got so excited that, I think, some of the hcs are kind of like short stories lol even though I didn’t want to make them too long… well, anyways.

So, dark and messed up hcs! Obviously Idia-centric; a lot of it is Mob/Idia. Starting on a lighter note, but then it gets more messed up.

(I’m not talking about the Tweels and Idia this time (I know there are asks about them too!), they’ll get another post <3 Let’s hope that I’ll finish it soon)

Sometimes he tortures himself by having internet arguments lol He doesn’t feel good when he argues with randos, even though it’s funny sometimes, but sometimes he continues to do it fully knowing that the conversation is completely useless. A couple of times he connected to his opponent’s webcam log and found footage of them masturbating. He could’ve easily used it to end the argument quickly, but for some reason no matter how heated he gets, he doesn’t do it. He thinks about it though.

Idia has seen every single cursed thing on the internet. Things that would make some people traumatised, things that are way too much even for Idia. If cursed things on the internet were an iceberg meme, to Idia Blue Waffle and One Guy One Jar would be the most basic tier. Something that everyone knows and isn’t as shocking. Sometimes he wonders how Azul-shi or Crimson Muscle would react to some of the stuff he’s used to seeing.

Same goes with porn, to be honest. Idia could go months without masturbating or watching porn, but he isn’t sure if it’s because of his low sex drive or because of how bored he is with porn. Regular porn doesn’t do it for him at all, with kinks he either gets into them or suddenly loses interest, his favourite hentai tropes are pretty messed up. He ended up watching some banned illegal stuff a couple of times just to see if he’d feel anything. The next day he was back to his favourite hentai tropes though.

Idia got groped during his entrance ceremony. He has no idea why he was picked out of every single person there, but he thinks it’s because of his hair: everyone’s silhouette is the same in the ceremonial robe, but his hair makes him stand out. Even though his butt is small… When it happened, Idia got so shocked that he just stood there still, allowing them to touch him. He was upset, but at the same time remembered all the hentai and doujins that started this way, and it resulted in him feeling a weird mix of deep disgust and arousal. He had no idea if anyone noticed him getting molested, and if anyone saw that he had a boner, but he sure felt like every single person was looking at him and judging him. He got traumatised by that, but the situation was so bizarre to him that he came without touching himself after returning to his room as quickly as possible.

Despite being shy and antisocial, Idia is very cocky, and he was especially cocky when he was a freshman. Living with 3 other people was a huge stress for him, and as we talk about living with them 24/7, his natural response to stress was to start talking shit. He felt intimidated by everything and everyone back then, and at the same time felt super annoyed because he was a genius who was much more skilled and smart than most of his senpai, and definitely smarter than the goons that he had to share a room with. Long story short, his roommates thought he was weird and bullied him every time Ortho wasn’t around for some reason (i.e. when he was charging): stole his clothes and pillows, threw stuff at him, talked shit about him, not even trying to be quiet about it. One time they dogpiled him on his own bed and made him pee himself. The other time they wrote swear words all over his body, talking about how all this were the things that people called him when he wasn’t listening. Idia got his revenge after that (yay doxing), but he is a bit scared of these guys to this day.

Idia’s second year wasn’t much better because he still had to share a room with a guy. And if the first bunch were bullies that Ortho really didn’t like (he tried to protect Idia, but couldn’t do it all the time), his roommate during his second year was more sneaky. He had good relationship with Ortho, so Ortho didn’t mind leaving these two alone in the room. He even asked Idia to try and befriend the guy because he really thought Idia needed friends. Idia hated the guy though because not only did he treat him just as badly as the previous group, he also constantly threatened that he would complain about Ortho being dangerous, just to make Idia anxious to lose his knight in shining armor. This got so bad that he made Idia cry like a baby one time because the guy convinced him that he would make everything to take Ortho away from him. And Idia isn’t an idiot; he knew that this wasn’t as simple, but something about the way the guy said it made him break down and cry pathetically.

Idia pretty much lived in fear for an entire year, and somewhere around the middle of the first semester the guy started molesting him. Ortho didn’t intervene because Idia tried his best to hide it from him, even when the guy started demanding Idia to suck him off and started sticking fingers up Idia’s ass, mostly to humiliate him. This is why Idia thought that he was either a masochist or just unstable, because while he absolutely hated it, he felt like he also didn’t mind it enough. The guy got kicked out of NRC before he actually raped (=put his penis into Idia) him, and while Idia was super happy, he also felt disappointed. As if Idia deserved bad things to happen to him… or was he actually into this dynamic and wanted to feel punished and used by someone who treats him like shit? He was never into butt stuff before, but he felt himself aching for a dick that he sucked for months while the guy was humiliating him.

Sometimes Idia fantasises about getting violated by other NRC students. It’s not like he looks at them and sighs dreamily, more of a “what if/how would he do this” type of way. He thinks it’s just his morbid curiosity, and even thinks that it’s very self-centered of him to think that Azul or Rook or Sebek or Lilia or Cater or anyone else would want to rape him, but… what if? He has pretty solid scenarios in his head for some of them, it’s surprisingly easy to come up with them based on their interactions…

Idia kind of likes it when his entire head is being hidden during sex. Well, likes the idea of it. Maybe it’s due to the fact that it keeps him anonymous, but the idea of a bag on his head or a hole-in-the-wall thing kind of tickles him. He had a bunch of dreams about getting stuck in a hole in the wall and then being used as a fuck toy. These dreams always end with someone somehow recognising him and calling him “Idia?” though, so Idia wakes up covered in sweat.

One time Idia almost became one of those people who die due to strangling themselves during masturbation. And he isn’t even into this type of stuff, he just wanted to try to see if it would work or not. He didn’t pull his pants down or anything, he tried to do it through clothes, so he was fucking lucky that Ortho woke up just in time to see him passed out with a noose around his neck. Poor Ortho got so worried and obviously came to wrong conclusions, but Idia felt way too embarrassed to confess about the actual reason why he ended up in this situation… it feels horrible knowing that he made Ortho so worried and upset and heartbroken, but he just couldn’t say that he did it to feel good when he orgasms.

[betryl]

It's been said a lot of times before but I'll say it again because it's true: the country house section is one of the best, if not THE best section of the book.

It's weird to say considering how "useless" it is in terms of plot (there's the Bacchanal happening in the background but of course we know nothing about it yet), and there are many parts that are way more interesting in which actual things happen. Plus, it is quite long, so a lot of pages of basically nothing.

And yet in retrospect, that's the part that stuck with me the most in the end, and it still is one of the first things that come to mind when I think back on TSH.

It was just that vivid. Maybe it's because I've experienced something similar myself so I could sympathize with how Richard was feeling too. I just remember I was totally immersed in it the first time I read it. I really felt like I was there. And even if it did last longer than I expected and I wanted to go on with the story already, I didn't feel bored.

Apart from simply ✨the atmosphere✨ and ✨the aesthetic✨ being on point, I think the main reason for this is that it really fed the illusion, and it made you FEEL like Richard. We knew from the very first page (lines!) that this book was probably not going to be a joyful one. But while they were in that country house, everything seemed fine. Richard was finally making his way into the group, they were starting to be more open towards him, they were all having a great time together, we got to see their little stupid shenanigans which made us know all of them better and me inevitably attached to all of them (Bunny throwing Henry and Francis in the water will never not be funny to be) and they even started daydreaming about the possibility of living together in that house without anything changing in the future.

It was clear even while I was reading it that all those things would have never become true, and that the illusion would have shattered soon. But still a little part of me kept on believing that maybe that could last, because the way it was narrated by Richard was... weirdly hopeful, which isn't something I can say about any other part of the book I believe. It was hopeful, and yet there was that unsettling sense of dread creeping through the lines, because you KNEW the murder was coming soon and everything would end. But just like Richard, I just... didn't care in the moment.

The country house section to me was somehow a snippet into what could have been if they never murdered Bunny- or even before, if they never had the Bacchanal at all. Could things have gone wrong at some point still, for whatever other reason? Probably yes. Maybe they weren't meant to last anyways, maybe they weren't even friends in the first place, everyone has their own thoughts about this. But it's sweet to think about. Now knowing the whole story and how terrible the situation actually got makes those pages even more painful. Those really were their happiest times.

Also I could talk about Camilla cutting her foot too but that's maybe another post for another day before this becomes way too long lol.

Also also the cherry on top for me was definitely that last couple of lines which got to me HARD and make my heart ache still:

There was a ragged burst of laughter; faint, but clear, it floated back across the evening air. That laughter haunts me still.

[soap143]

hiiiiii I was wondering if you would want to write about lee! hyunjin? maybe something similar the chan story but hyunjin has to paint while tickled or there's a belt that's ticklish which he has to wear while dancing??

if you don't want to you don't have to write it :)))

thank youuuu

AAAAH I love this idea! I hope you won’t mind that I wrote this for the “Eye for an eye” series. I just think this concept really fits in here. Happy reading! (just a quick lil reminder that you should read Challenge before or after this fic)

•• ━━━━━━━ •• ❖ •• ━━━━━━━ ••

Eye for an eye

pt. 2

lee!hyunjin

ler!chan

•• ━━━━━━━ •• ❖ •• ━━━━━━━ ••

Ever since Chan had gotten revenge on the first kid, the rest had been avoiding him in fear of being mercilessly wrecked. Minho, being the amazing lee he was, ratted out the leader’s plan immediately, causing everyone to never let their guard down.

However, this evening he was completely alone with Hyunjin in the dorm. Changbin and Han convinced Chan to stay home while they finish up all the work. The oldest smirked, plotting his sweet revenge…

He thought that Hyunjin was scrolling on social media or wasting his precious free evening doing something useless, but was pleasantly surprised to see the exact opposite “Woah, you’re… painting? Should I-” the kangaroo’s sentence was cut short as Jinnie groaned, throwing his head back in annoyance “Can you please leave? I’m really focused on finishing this painting. I’ll post it on instagram later for STAY to see.”

“God forbid me from disturbing you, my prince! Don’t you remember what you and the kids did to me last week? I thought Lee Know had told you.” Chan mocked, inching closer to his future victim.

“Haha, very funny. You can’t tickle me now. The paint. It’s gonna get everywhere. You’re gonna ruin my painting. I’ll die.” Hyunjin brainstormed ramdom ideas to get his hyung away from his ticklish self.

The aussie nonchalantly grabbed an empty canvas and a chair, walking towards the ferret. He placed the chair behind the painter and the canvas in front, replacing the unfinished painting with it.

“I think STAY would love to see how to paint a simple auto portrait… While being tickled.” the shorter stated, wrapping his fingers around Jinnie’s sides, not doing anything yet.

Hyunjin gulped, dipping his dirty paintbrush into a cup, filled with water. Then, he patted it dry onto a piece of paper. Lastly, he proceeded to grab quite a generous amount of paint onto his brush.

For STAY…

He started slowly with his face. It was just a simple little sketch, nothing too important anyway, so he didn’t really care about proportions. He was about to get tickled, so it would surely get ruined anyway.

As he was finishing up his chin and starting on the jaw, he felt a quick jab on his side, causing him to jerk the opposite way “Yah! Thankfully, the brush wasn’t on the canvas… I almost ruined it because of you!” Hyunjin whined.

The person responsable for the tall boy’s screams just snickered, poking him once again.The artists tried to protect his sensitive torso with one hand and paint with the other.

As Jinnie hurriedly drew the ears, Chan properly dug into the vulnerable spot, making Hyunjin flinch harshly “CHAN! Now you’ve ruined it! Do you see this big, dark line? That’s your fault!” the ferret dramatically gasped, repeatedly pointing at the horrible mistake.

“Excuse me? Chan? It’s hyung to you!” the shorter pointed out, shoving his wiggly fingers under the younger’s arms “YAHAHAHAHA STOHOHOHOHOP! IHIHI MUHUHUHUHUHST FIHIHIHIHIHINISH THIHIHIHIHS HAHAHAHA!” the tallest member in Stray Kids yelped, twisting side to side.

To his disadvantage, the aussie wasn’t in the mood to show any mercy “Remeber how you tickled me without letting me sing those beutiful lyrics out? I was dying, yet none of you stopped for even a minute to let me push those words out. Have a taste of your own medicine, Jinnie. Eye for an eye…” Chan ranted, drilling in between the long haired boy’s ribs.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA PLEHEHEHEHEASE, IHIHIHIHI REHEHEHEHEALY HAHAHAHAVE TOHOHOHOHO- NOHOHOHOHO!” the talented painter tried to squeak his sentence out, only to be cut off by his own crazy cackles “Get to drawing, I really wanna see that beutiful result of your talent~” the kangaroo teased, mocking the way Hyunjin and kids tormented him.

The ferret quickly grabbed the paintbrush, splashing some abstract stains of paint, trying to resemble his hair “Wow, are those your beutiful locks of hair?” the older teasingly questioned the colourful puddles.

“IHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI CAHAHAHHAHAN’T- UGH! STOHOHOHOHOP, YOUHUHUH’RE ANOHOHOHOHOHYING!” the dancer tried to argue with the older, but was far too ticklish for that “Where are those beutiful eyes of yours? And your neck? I think you should draw yourself wearing a beutiful polo-shirt.” Chan suggested, squeezing his lee’s lower back.

Hyunjin went bonkers when the chosen spot was mercilessly attacked. In fact, he even got some paint on his face.

In a desperate act, he snatched his painting tool and smuthered his not-so-empty canvas in random strokes. Most of them were unsuccessful, landing nowhere near the face. He tried once more, this time making them look somewhat close to a nose, eye and a singular eyebrow.

“You’re doing great! Just finish up the other half of the face and you’ll be done!” Channie commented, grabbing the top of the dancer’s thighs and pushing his fingers rapidly in and out of the flesh. The worst part: one hand was being so painfully gentle and the other seemed to be melting into the ticklish skin with its aggressiveness.

“OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOK O-OHOHOK IHIHIHIHIHI’M DO-DOHOHOHOHONE!” the younger announced “Nu-uh. The head, it’s floating. You better add a neck before it falls to the ground!”

The painting in question was full of uneven lines, some of them not even properly connecting. Hyunjin’s supposed face was half empty. Not to mention that it was covered in zig-zaggy strokes, most of which went over the line that separated the visage from the backround. The backround in question was covered with those exact same abstract, uneven strokes, lines and stains of paint.

Both of the boys stopped to admire their work. It seemed so… Modern “Look at what we’ve created…” Chan dramatically sighed in admiration “Excuse me? Who’s we? This is all my job!” Hyunjin tried to protest, only to be lowered back down by a few pokes to the side.

“STAY is gonna love this!” the aussie exclaimed, suddenly taking out his phone and stopping the video recording “YOU FILMED THAT?!” the artist roared “You filmed me! And posted it. This is called revenge!” the leader snickered, running away to hide into the safety of his room, before the taller boy could catch up.

That very same evening, Hyunjin’s instagram account was updated with two posts. One with the original painting he was working on, and the other painting: which his oldest hyung helped him make…

•• ━━━━━━━ •• ❖ •• ━━━━━━━ ••

Hope you enjoyed! Do you guys like this series and concept? Me personally, I love these shorter fics. Can’t wait to write more. Have a good day/night!❤️🙂

[piratefalls]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @ninzied! thank you friend!

How many works do you have on ao3?

40!

What's your total ao3 word count?

169,903, which is a shock to me because it really doesn't feel like that much.

What fandoms do you write for?

previously teen wolf/sterek and hawaii five-0/mcdanno, currently taking my first stab at rwrb/firstprince

Top five fics by kudos:

(Waiting) Until the Sky Falls Down on Me (sterek)

Today and Every Day (sterek)

I'm Gonna Give All My Secrets Away (stanny)

Man, Interrupted (sterek)

it's my (pants) party and i'll cry if i want to (sterek)

Do you respond to comments?

i do my best! sometimes i'm terrible at it, but i try!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angsty endings! I'm a HEA kinda girl.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably either Today and Every Day or it's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes because they both end in proposals lol

Do you get hate on fics?

never hate, but i've had a comment here and there that wasn't necessarily appreciated

Do you write smut?

not really anymore. i got myself to do it because it felt like the only thing that got traction and maybe if that was good enough it'd be a gateway to the stuff i enjoyed writing (and, frankly, stuff i spent far more time on). and i don't think i'm particularly good at smut anyway lol. but if given the choice between smut or funny/introspective i'm gonna go with the latter every time.

Craziest crossover:

I haven't done a crossover!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

so idk who remembers this but a while ago there were people who would post people's fics to Goodreads and one of mine wound up there and those reviews hurt my feelings enough that i quit writing for a while after.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

not to my knowledge!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

haven't, but i think it could be fun with the right partner!

All time favorite ship?

this is an impossible question and i can't choose. i love them all equally, just for different reasons.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

good lord my person of interest post-canon fic. will anyone read it? very unlikely. is it the principle of the thing? yes.

What are your writing strengths?

i genuinely have no idea. i've never given it any real thought. i mean, the build of what i write is some form of introspection mixed with humor, so probably those things.

What are your writing weaknesses?

plot and world building. i'm useless at it, for the most part. and like i said above, i don't think i'm great at smut. it's passable at best.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i love it. though i do miss the days when people regularly utilized that hover function that would show the translation if you left your mouse over the phrase for a few seconds. way better than having to scroll down to the notes for the translation.

First fandom you wrote in?

teen wolf. much simpler times.

Favorite fic you've written?

I don't have a single favorite so I'm gonna go with a few for different reasons

humor: Got Your Body On My Mind (I Want it Bad) - mcdanno & co get sent to a sexual harassment training seminar. chaos ensues.

character analysis: Written in the Scars on Our Hearts - steve mcgarrett and all the ways a person can be touched and the

most cathartic: & lift him back up again - working through my own grief by making a character sad

crack, my beloved: it's my (pants) party and i'll cry if i want to - every time stiles orgasms his dick sounds like a party horn. there's glitter come. i might have been hammered.

tagging @wellhalesbells @priincebutt + i feel like doing an open tag for anyone who wants to share what they love about their work!

[ghostiiess]

[NSB IMAGINES] - "your anxiety is lying to you, my love"

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚

pov: you have an anxious day and justin is here to help you!

REMEMBER!! To whoever's doing anxiety right now or have anxiety, know that I'm so proud of you of how you become and how you became <3 you are doing so well, my love. a lot of people are proud of you and if you can't think of one, think of me. i'm proud of you! i know it's hard, i, myself, have anxiety but know that everything is going to be fine and everything will be okay, i promise. you can do it, i believe in you. you got this <3 please, continue to be strong, it'll be worth it at the end of the day, i promise.

warning: talk and mention about anxiety, anxiety attack, mention of being scared for the future, mention of toxic parents, unhealthy and hurtful comments said towards the parent's child (just to clarify: you are not a child in this imagine!!)

type: comfort!

member: justin phan

words counts: 15 249 characters

You woke up with a lump in your stomach at around 8:23 in the morning. You had been trying to breathe in and out for about 15 minutes trying to get your anxiety out and maybe feel a little better. It was a technique your boyfriend used with you on days like today.

You sighed, not able to get it out off your chest and turned to him.

Justin Phan.

He looked so peaceful, so relaxed, so... cute and adorable.

You wanted to wake him up and explain how you felt, how your anxiety were doing today, but you knew it wasn't a great idea. After all, it was only a little bit of anxiety and it would go away in a few minutes anyway. At least, that's what you hoped. You didn't dare disturb him just for that kind of thing. He had to rest after all the efforts he was doing for his work, for the videos he was making for the Stars and the meetings he had almost every day. He deserved the rest and the breaks.

You sighed again, then got up from the bed and put on a hoodie that was lying around. It belonged to your boyfriend. You loved wearing his clothes. They always made you feel good and comfortable in them, maybe it was for their warm or because they were a bit bigger in you, but you felt safe in those. You wanted to stay forever in his hoodies. It was like if he was hugging you. It screamed the word "comfort". You hid your hands in the sleeves of the oversized sweater and put them up to your nose. You smelled it and closed your eyes. His smell was so comforting and sweet. It always helped a little when you were having anxious days like this.

You walked down the stairs, then into the kitchen, seeing your best friend Regie on his phone, probably watching instagram's stories or liking some posts on the app.

-'Morning! Regie said without looking up. Sleep well, Y/N?

-Yeah, I think so! you said. How about you?

The truth was, you were up very late yesterday for no good reason. You weren't stressed or anxious last night. You were normal, calm, fine. Unlike the night before, you felt ugly, useless, stressed, nervous, anxious, but you couldn't explain why or how it happened so randomly.

-You think so? Did you fucked all the night with JP, bruh? he laughed.

You blushed and searched for words. That was Regie Macalino talking, for sure.

-I'm kidding, don't worry. I didn't want to know the damn answer, anyway.

He closed his phone and looked at you:

-I slept well, though. But I woke up super early, so I think I'm going to the gym a bit earlier today. Do you want to come with me?

Your relationship with Regie was remarkable. Of all the other members, he was the first one you started your friendship with, the one you started to become a real teenager, to become a young adult, now. You were friends even before NSB was formed and let's say that with the band, you followed Regie everywhere when he allowed you to. It was also with him that you met Justin and let's say… You fell head over heels in love with him. He was funny, he was kind, he was smart, he was always there to listen to you... Let's say he felt the same way towards you and that your friendship soon turned into a love relationship..

You and him had been living the perfect love for about a year and it was now a recurring thing to see you in the house with the boys. The boys really liked you and loved to see you around and to them, it was like you were their little sister (except for Justin, of course).

-Oh well… you said. I think I'll go later with Justin, but thanks for the invite!

-Ok ok! he replied, getting up from the table and showing you his arms. I'm going to go make myself hotter than I already am, bro.

You chuckled a little and saw him leave for his room to get his gym bag and personal products.

You were now alone in the NSB kitchen. You sighed and relaxed your shoulders.

"Come on, it's okay, Y/N. You're okay. There's no reason to stress."

You opened the dish cupboard and saw the only clean glass on top of the cupboard. You sighed, climbed up on the counter and hung on to the cupboard to avoid falling. You picked up the glass and were about to go downstairs when a voice startled you.

-Good morning, babe.

You dropped the glass in surprise and turned back to the person who had just startled you.

-Ah fuck! you said. No, no, no, no, no!

Your anxiety had just escalated. You had just broken a glass and god knows how much every single glass counted in this house. There were only a few for the number of people who lived in the house. You felt bad for dropping it. Normally you would have felt guilty for a little while, but today it felt like this accident was going to ruin your and everyone's whole day..

Justin came up to you and held out his hand so you could get into his arms to avoid touching the floor covered in glass.

-Are you okay, babe? You didn't hurt yourself, did you?

-I'm fine, but I broke a glass. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'll clean up the mess, don't worry.

Justin set you down a little further on the floor and looked you in the eye.

-Hey, it's okay, we have a broom, we'll pick it up, don't worry. We've got plenty of other glasses and it's okay if you break one. Kane has already broken several and we're not angry with him, we know it's an accident. I caught you by surprise, too, sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

You felt a little bit better. He always found the right words, always made you feel better and always calmed you down when you started to feel too anxious like this.

- I'll go get the broom.

You nodded and took a random glass from the dishwasher, washed it and poured cold water into it. You felt a little better as you drank the water. Maybe you were just thirsty?

-Do you want to eat something on the way? your partner asked you as he swept the floor clean of all the broken glass that was covering the ground. I'm pretty hungry.

You nodded and put the glass on the counter.

-Let me do it, okay?

He gave you a little smile.

-Nah, you're good, babe. I got this. I don't want you to get hurt, he smiled. Anyways, you want to go to the gym after breakfast?

You nodded.

-Yeah, okay, if you want.

JP looked up and gave you one of his smiles.

-Great! Go get ready! You can have one of my tshirts if you don't know what you want to wear…

You smiled.

-You just want me to wear one of your tshirts, JP.

-What can I say? You look fucking adorable and cute in my clothes!

You smiled, then went back upstairs to get ready.

Your anxiety had finally decided to let go of you.

Or so you thought.

Finally ready, you got into your boyfriend's car and saw him smile at you. You smiled back at him and looked at your phone to check your notifications and what you have been missing since yesterday. While scrolling, one picked your eyes: a text message from your parents who had called you the day before, delivered with a dozens of text messages.

You and your parents were never very close. The comments they made to you were either always hurtful or toxic positivity. Sometimes, just the fact that you were getting notifications from them made you shiver with anxiety. You didn't know what they were going to say to you, if they were ever going to apologize for their behavior, if they were going to ask you to move back home, if they were going to insult you..

-Babe, are you okay? I asked you a question! said your bf quickly

-Oh, uh… Yeah, I was in my thoughts. Sorry.

Justin sighed, then started the car:

-That's okay. Where do you want to eat?

-It doesn't matter where, I'm not too hungry anyways.

He nodded and put his hand on your thigh.

-You seem out of it, love. Are you sure everything's okay?

-Yeah, don't worry.

After about ten minutes, you and Justin had arrived at the breakfast spot.

-We're here, baby.

-Oh, okay. Can I stay here? I'm comfortable in your car.

-Sure. What do you want?

You weren't very hungry due to your anxiety, but you knew you had to have something in your belly, so you decided to have a pancake, which was one of your favorite meals and one of your go-to foods when you weren't too hungry. They were easy to eat, not too sweet, just perfect.

-One pancake, please.

-Okay! I'll be back in 5-10 minutes. Just stay there. You can change the controls if you're too cold or too hot, just try not to set my car on fire, though! he said laughing

You gave Phan a small smile and closed your eyes. A few seconds later, a sound was heard throughout your boyfriend's car. You sighed and opened your eyes to see who dared to disturb your precious rest.

Your parents.

You felt a lump inside you getting bigger and bigger. You knew you had to answer, you felt an obligation to do so. You'd been living with Justin and his best friends for a few weeks now and let's just say it only made your parents more aggressive. You wanted to block them, but you knew that if you did, you would take a lot of hate from them. You were so tired of being criticized from morning till night, of being put down and of always having to do your best because you were afraid that you might have a big impact on it in the future.

You were afraid of the future. You still didn't know what you wanted to do, you were going to college following your passions, but even still… You didn't know if you were going to be that interested to do this for the rest of your life.

You felt the vibrations of your anxiety and your phone mixing together. Without thinking, you pressed the "pick up" button and took a breath.

"Come on Y/N, maybe they'll apologize this time!"

You still had hope that they would. That they would apologize to you after your 19 years of existence. You were now 20 and let's say on your birthday, they just told you that you had to find a new home since you were starting to become delinquent and they didn't want to have you in their projects and in what they were doing. In truth, you were only starting to be friends with Regie's friends and starting to get happy without them.

-Hello? you answer with a weak voice

-Y/N!! Finally! You finally pick up the god damn phone! What's happening?! Are you deaf now? Are you ignoring us again? You didn't heard the ringtone?

You sighed:

-I-I was just being busy, sorry.

Your mother sighed loud enough for you to hear from miles away:

-Busy doing what?! You don't have a job and your boyfriend surely doesn't take up all your time, does he?

You shrug:

-I'm busy doing my college work and being with my friends. We're really close them and I.

-Your friends? Your boyfriend's friends are friends with you? Honey, you deserve better. You know they are bad influences, right? They don't have jobs (it literally hurts me to write this) and all they do is shoot videos on the internet and that's it! You're going to end up like them, out of work!!

You breathed in, hoping to calm down:

-Don't talk about them like that, it's their job and they do it super well. Their job is super hard and exhausting. They have a tons of meetings and projects they need to do. And I'm so proud of them because they manage their time to do it at the perfection. They've been helping me a lot in the last few weeks and I'm really thankful for that.

Your mother sighed again.

-Are you really defending them? My darling, don't be like them! You'll end up to jail, you won't have a real job and you'll do nothing! Don't come crying to your parents when you're poor! We won't help you!!

-Stop, I work hard and-

She interrupted you and began to shout through her phone. Tears began to well up, letting your anxiety do the same.

They were never going to apologize.

-No! You procrastinate all the fucking time, you do nothing but shit, you're just like your boyfriend: you do everything to have things easy. You don't even work! Take a lesson from us! Are we persistent? Yes! We are not fucking like you! We work hard while you... Y/N, god damn! You live with boys, instead of us and you dare to say that we treat you badly?! We could have thrown you out, but we kept you!

-You literally told me to leave as soon as I turned 19.

-You're disappointing me. You know nothing about your future life and you're going to fail miserably! You're only thinking about yourself. Not even about us! We were right to let you go at 19. I swear, Y/N, you're going to regret this one day.

You put your phone away and looked out the window.

"Come on, Justin, hurry up.."

You felt tears coming out of your eyes, falling down your cheeks, you could hardly control yourself, you knew what was going to happen. You closed your eyes and tried to breath in and out.

"Your mother is right: you've been in college for one year and you still haven't gotten a good grade!"

"You're just a coward… You don't do anything during the day, all you do is eat and be with your boyfriend"

"The boys probably don't even like you"

You curled up into a ball and kept hearing your mother's voice as she continued to insult you.

Suddenly, the door opened at last. Justin smiled, then put the bags on the back seats. He exclaimed:

-Sorry for the wait, a Karen was there. She was-Hey, hey, what's up? What's up? Are you okay?

-It's my parents, you whispered soflty

Justin knew about your parents. Even though they disparaged him, he still liked you. He knew how toxic they could be and you… You were anything but like them.

You tried to formulate a sentence, but failed. It broke Justin's heart to see you like this.

-Can I touch your hands? he asked

You nodded slowly. You liked it when he asked you before he did anything. He always wanted you to feel comfortable in the relationship.

He took your hands and made circles on them with his fingers, something you appreciated because it always helped you. He took your phone and sighed.

-Respectfully, go fuck yourself. You've been insulting her since she was born. Let her go, she's decided to make a life with me and the guys, let her go. She's in good hands with us. Stop fucking calling or texting.

Then he hung up and blocked the number.

-They'll never bother us again and if they do, me and the boys will start to get involved.

He sighed and gave you a hug.

-Hug me as much as you want, okay? You're going to be okay. I know it's not easy. Give me all your anxiety, I'll absorb it. You're in security in my arms.

You squeeze him a little tighter.

-Inhale, 3…2…1… Exhale…3…2…1…

You did this exercise a few times and started to feel a bit more relaxed.

-You are so not what your parents told you, babe. You are so much more than that: you are persistent, hardworking, so passionate about everything you do, you are so smart and so kind and so caring! I could never name all of your qualities, but know you are worth so much to me and the boys, baby… We love you so god damn much. Even the Stars love you. You're like our little sister.

He stroked the top of your head:

-Your anxiety is lying to you, my love. Don't listen to it. It's trying to make you think your parents are right. Focus on my voice and only mine.

He was so gentle with you. For the next fifteen minutes, he continued to comfort you and make you feel better.

-You did so good. I'm so fucking proud of you, my love. You are so strong. I knew you could do it!

He kissed the top of your head.

-How are you feeling right now?

-A little better. But.. Can we go home and watch something? I would like to cuddle you.

JP nodded:

-You don't have to ask me twice.

You smiled. Justin always managed to make you smile and feel better. You couldn't ask for a better boyfriend.

Hope you guys liked it! <3

[the-invisible-queer]

I feel like this is gonna make me sound both like a know-it-all nitpicking you and an insane weirdo who was way too invested in the relationship of two teenagers I don't know but. As someone who literally hyperfixated on both Nick and Miley for basically all of my formative years, and as a result just permanently has an encyclopedia's worth of useless information about their teenage selves stored in my brain even though both fixations died off years ago and I barely pay attention to either of them now, some parts of your post about them are simply killing me and I HAVE to correct and expand on it or I'll explode lol, I'm sorry it's nothing personal:

Kevin misspoke in the doc; the Hannah Montana episode wasn't when they met, they were already dating by then. They met at a charity event on June 11, 2006 according to Miley's book, with Nick also eventually calling June 11 their anniversary in Wedding Bells. IIRC Miley said in the book that Hannah Montana had only been airing for a few months when they met and the boys hadn't really done much of anything with Disney yet, which would definitely indicate emotions happening before any publicity did.

(There's also a very funny/interesting/wtf piece of lore re: this date from yearrrrrs later where Miley either mixed up the dates herself or tried to retcon her own life and gaslight everyone about public information by claiming on Twitter that June 11 was her anniversary with Liam, then deleted it, then announced her divorce very shortly after. That's not really directly related to anything we're discussing here but it was such a bizarre thing to watch happen in real time that it almost dragged me back into the fixation again as a grown ass adult, so I felt compelled to bring it up anyway lmao.)

A LOT of the og Niley Lore came from Miles to Go, where Miley dedicated an entire chapter to Nick (called "Prince Charming" in the book) and their relationship. I don't remember every detail anymore but she definitely said they clicked instantly, became boyfriend and girlfriend the day they met, and stayed up talking on the phone until like 4 a.m. that night, all of which backs up what Kevin said about love at first sight. She also explicitly said in the book that they truly loved each other and had a serious relationship despite how young they were.

A lotttttt of JB songs, especially but not exclusively the ones from the mid-to-late 2000s, are thought to be about Miley and some are very obvious if you know The Lore, but the only ones I know were ever explicitly confirmed besides the ones you mentioned are Sorry, Can't Have You and, of course, Before the Storm. The "hugs are overrated" part of SOS is sometimes thought to be a reference to the day they met, where according to Miley's book he tried to shake her hand and she told him she only did hugs, but I've always assumed that was probably just a coincidence since it seems like logistically it must have been written before they broke up and that would be a weirdly snarky line to write about your current girlfriend. Burnin' Up is also very very heavily thought to have been inspired by Miley, specifically by her look at the 2007 AMAs, which you can Google if you're interested enough; I do believe this one, which makes Selena's appearance in that specific music video much, much funnier.

Essentially all of Miley's earlier Miley songs (as opposed to Hannah ones) are also either confirmed or commonly thought to be about Nick. Also possibly of note is that some of Demi's early songs are also rumored to have a lot of Miley inspiration in them due to Nick co-writing them, which is simply amusing to me, especially considering the chances that at least one song probably ended up being partially about Nick's ex and partially about his brother. I never fixated on Demi or her music as hard as I did on these two though, so I no longer remember which specific songs were implicated here.

Nick confirmed Wedding Bells in his 'answering Google's most searched questions' video, where you could tell even he was thinking "who tf else did y'all think that one could have been about" lmao.

The messy little ping pong game Nick played between Miley and Selena for a while was definitely confirmed; I don't remember if any of them ever explicitly acknowledged it (outside of lyrics like "you love me, you like her" from 7 Things which...damn girl scalp him again), but to me and the other hyperfixated kids following along at the time, the dates alone made it obvious lol. He first got with Selena after the first time he and Miley broke up and then repeated that exact pattern at least two more times over the next few years, rarely being single for any significant length of time at all in between. Baby fuckboi behavior.

In conclusion, both of them have been pretty clear and consistent over the years that the emotions of it all came first and were very real, even if Disney may have capitalized on those emotions for publicity purposes. My specific examples are fuzzy since the fixations were dead by then but I know both of them have described the other as their first love and first heartbreak well into adulthood, including as recently as I think last year for Miley (where she revealed that the first time they broke up she asked if she could give him a hug goodbye and he said no, which is lowkey hilarious even though it makes baby Nick sound like a douche - although knowing his sensitive ass he was probably just afraid he'd start sobbing or something if she hugged him lol).

The only non-Niley piece of input I have to add is that in recent years Miley has definitely expressed negative and complicated emotions about starting her career so young, not in the sense that she didn't actually want it at the time but in the sense that like...children often want to do things that wouldn't be good for them or that they aren't capable of fully understanding the ramifications of, but that doesn't mean their parents should allow them to do those things or that they'll appreciate having been allowed to do those things when they look back as an adult. I don't know a ton about her feelings on it since again, I don't actively follow her anymore and only really see what comes across my feed, but it seems like it was definitely much more complicated than "her dad sold her to Disney Channel" or "she wasn't forced into it so it was fine." For the record I've often wondered if any of the Jonas boys have similar emotions about their young stardom, as most child stars seem to to some degree, but honestly feel like if they do we'll never ever hear about it; they just don't give me the vibe that they'd ever be comfortable talking about that publicly, especially if it involves any complex feelings towards their parents, who they seem to have much closer and healthier relationships with than Miley has with hers.

OKAY I'M DONE sorry that was a whole novel you didn't ask for but I literally have had all these stupid factoids about these two strangers just bouncing around in my head for like almost twenty years and almost never get the chance to put this wealth of knowledge to "use" anywhere, so on the rare occasions I can vomit all this up I kind of get carried away lmao whoops

BESTIE NEVER APOLOGIZE! Especially not when it comes to rambling about fixations. My blog is a safe space!

Though I wish you could add cuts in asks because RIP to everyone's dash I'll try to add tags so people with long posts blocked can ignore.

I'll be the first one to admit my fuck up with Jonas lore. Deadass don't remember anything Miley wrote in her book about Nick and I read Miles to Go twice but I have the memory of a twig.

I can't even remember what I was doing 5min ago - no joke.

Also my timeliness are SO fucking hazy - it's the trauma - because I'm learning shit I thought happened with JB in 2011 happened in 2009.

I am not the most reliable source.

Also I didn't care about Nick much back then. That's from when he was my least favorite (derogatory).

Thank you for illuminating us on the subject! I actually did learn a lot from that.

[sendmyresignation]

loooove reading your musings about different music scenes. i feel like you offer a really good insight and perspective i haven't read before, is there something you're working on related to riot grrrl?

omg thank you so much! im glad my rambling makes some sort of sense :)

but, as far as a larger project, that's kinda a funny story lmao. technically, no but tangentially yes i'm working on something riot grrl related. so last summer when where are your boys tonight was released I kept being frustrated by this common rhetorical thread in written reviews talking about the book and emo and payne's focuses; most of the articles would link Jessica Hopper's 2003 piece Emo: Where the Women Aren't. which is fine- its a good zine piece! but i felt like (1) that was as far a people would engage with the topic of women in the scene- linking a decades old, deeply personal story of isolation and NOT ENGAGING WITH IT AT ALL they'd be like "cool knocked talk about emo's misogyny in vague terms off the checklist, moving on" and (2) um there were a lot of women mentioned and interviewed for payne's oral history, they were just photographers! record label employees! and, very tellingly imo, non-frontwomen. and to meeee that felt emblematic of this belief that somehow hayley williams was like the first woman involved in third wave emo- she broke some kind of glass ceiling. and like obv, on a public facing level her involvement is incredibly important but! that's just not true lmao, esp when we talk about the underground. esp when we talk about women who were drummers, guitarists, keyboardists, ect ect- most people when they listen to a band automatically assume, unless the vocalist is a woman, that the band is all dudes. like thats just the reality. so anyway, in an effort to challenge this idea that women weren't involved i started building an archive of like, every band i could find post-rev summer with a woman in the band (or as a featured performer. or a live touring musician) as like, literal proof.

but, so the reason im reading abt riot grrl lmao- jessica hopper (whose work ive tried to engage with outside of one like 3 page article she wrote in 2003) was a riot grrl and, honestly, the riot grrl "canon" of musicians has, i think, affected our retrospective understanding of women in music (positively and negatively). so im trying to actually read more about that perspective and history. which is fun! i like a lot of these bands. sometimes. and riot grrl has a huge dc connection, which is also significant when you think about post rev summer punk music and the shape of post-hardcore (ive seen people argue that riot grrl is its own arm of post-hardcore which i do kinda vibe with- but post genres are notoriously vague and a little useless so idk!) anyway long story short im researching :)

[hanzajesthanza]

by the way, i wanted to thank everybody for so many kind, encouraging, and thoughtful responses to my first video. (slight vent post :>)

it did indeed take a lot of work and a lot out of me, a lot of research, multiple stupid all-nighters… but as unhealthy as it was, it was actually really good for me, i think. it was a real experiment, i honestly haven’t worked so hard on something since my thesis to graduate last year.

i felt cathartic, that i had it in me to make something like this, that i’m not useless…

i mean, i know i’m not, but ever since graduation i’ve felt so, so burned out and as a result of that, just, stupid and inexperienced compared to everyone else in my field, socially isolated, agoraphobic, even, in some cases.

(i’m one of those people that worked really hard in high school and college, and now that i’ve graduated it’s like, who am i? what is my purpose? what is my value? add burnout to that, and you have a year of feeling guilty that i’m not killing myself constantly with projects.)

so to be able to actually fucking make something that not only took a lot of work, but had me constantly pushing my comfort zone, reorganizing my space (physically and digitally) and just trying my hardest to get it done… on top of it, being really, really be passionate about what i was working on… it feels like…

it feels like, if a close friend of yours died a year ago… and you went numb with mourning… but then you just got news that they’re alive…

but the thing is, that friend is you.

it’s funny how dramatic i’m being, because i actually decided today that i don’t like the video much, and that it’s not very well-produced. (it only took me two-to-four days to start hating my artwork, of course. well, i had a good time being proud of myself while it lasted).

it’s something along the lines of calanthe’s “i hope my outburst didn’t offend you. the form, not the content.” i hope this video didn’t offend you—the form, not the content. i’m secure in the content, the research. but the form… again, like calanthe’s, very ‘in the moment.’

i woke up this morning really mad at myself for making some creative decisions that i feel cheapen the whole thing. (i don’t know what posessed me to use my accent color for a background color, it makes the whole thing look gaudy and unprofessional. i guess i just didn’t want a boring white background, but ugh… that is going to be on my list of regrets for a while).

but i placated myself knowing that the video does its job as a biography and a source of information. and the fact that youtubers sometimes remake their first videos later in their careers. (well, at least my first video is a topic that will never go out of style, it’s an essential, expository, evergreen topic of interest). and that i will make more videos, improving one thing at a time. one thing at a time. slow steps to progress.

i want to make engaging videos, but it’s really difficult because i don’t think i have a very engaging personality… it’s very “book report”-ish at the moment, lmao, i’d like to be myself. if i know who that person is.

i had a ton of anxiety about how i would be judged or what if i got it entirely wrong… (i rerecorded some parts due to this and i think that may have been a bad decision, because the cuts sound terrible, but anyways). but everyone was so encouraging and just had such a warmhearted reception to it, i don’t think i expected that. i expected mean comments for some reason, idk lol. i also expected way more pushback and cringe because i was talking about sapkowski (who, as we all know, is not very popular, for some reasons more valid than others). so i honestly have no idea where the positivity came from, except your own good souls and goodwill towards me, which is astounding, so thank you.

i want to make more videos and improve. and grow the channel, so it can serve people who are interested in the books. the books deserve something of their own, their own space. i know they’ve had their own space for as long as they’ve existed, but this would be my space for them. if that makes sense. i’m carving out an intentional space for the witcher books, slowly but surely, it will get there with time.

at the same time, i have to balance this with real life. ugh, real life. i might have serious committments this week, but i have no idea... the exact details yet. essentially, committments that may eat up all my time to the point where i’ll have no time for this large crazy video experiment after all.

my name, nimue, is… an emanation of myself. like krzysztof’s katarzyna. a poet’s name.

my person that exists within book pages, the mind, and the web. but not in real life. or rather, not yet in real life. i think they’re stuck somewhere between the screen and the floor.

i’d like to bring them to life, soon. but it will take time, work. i have no idea if i’ll have that kind of time soon. i have no idea what adulthood brings me in terms of commitments. it hurts me to abandon nimue like this. for once, i was able to bargain something for them, release myself, give into the creative flow. i spent a week being them, i think that’s the longest nimue has ever existed in the real world. and now… i have to jump back into my ‘real’ self again. “no fun allowed.” damn it. and i had just tasted that freedom, that creation.

all i know is that i can’t let them die. though i think they’re immortal inside me, after all. and perhaps one day we’ll become the same person. it could happen!

[hotchocolatelovesyou]

A monster made of clay

Um hi, this sucks and I’m losing my mind over it, so I’m gonna post whatever the fuck this is anyway because I’m not a coward. English is not my first language and you can tell. Open to criticism, but please don't be mean lol

Robert x Dadsona

Dadsona: Hector Amanti.

enjoy (or don’t idk)

pss pss every dumb mistake you can find, take it on grammarly. that bitch is so useful so useless I hate it

-

-

-

It was weird. Really weird. Why did it have that shape? Why was it so long? Why was it so big?

"Robert, my very dear friend, I hope you'll pardon me for asking in such manners, but what the fuck are you doing?"

"Language, Hector. Language. You'd not want to scandalize a poor little innocent boy like me, would you?" Hector raised an eyebrow, still eyeing the weird statue.

"I would never. It's not like said poor little innocent boy is creating a giant di-"

"You lack artistic vision", he replied, interrupting the younger man. Hector clutched his chest dramatically, pretending to be mortally wounded.

The memory of him, Damien, Joseph and Hugo at the museum was still very present. He was a changed man after that: he finally understood art after many years of his relatively long but actually short life. Everything, everything, in art - and it didn't matter from where and when a piece was - revolved around butts. That's how it was. That's how it should have been. Amen to butts, one of Mother Nature's most lovely creations.

"Lacking artistic vision? Moi? That's it, cruel world. I'm ready to go." Hector hurriedly touched his throat as if he was suffocating, one hand still on his chest to stop the imaginary bleeding. Robert went back to smooth the surface of his, ehm, anatomically bizarre work.

"There has to be someone funnier than the other between us, and I happen to know who is who." Robert didn't bat an eye, apparently focused on his project.  

"Hghkk... Robert, I'm dying." The other man exhaled hard through his nose, annoyed by the distraction from his masterpiece. He was trying to create a vein with a stick for the fourth time in ten minutes. Hector stopped his theatrics then and rolled his eyes, bored by the minimal reaction. He blew a lock of curly hair away from his face, his own hands covered in green clay.

They both had stains here and there because they kept trying to make the other fuck up. Hector had to completely start again whatever he was trying to do at least three times, Robert just two. That vein not coming out right had absolutely nothing to do with Hector.

"I don't find clowns funny" was his calm reply, a second later. Hector gasped, pretending to be hurt.

"You bitch!" he whispered, getting closer to Robert with an exaggerated angry face. 

When Robert eventually appeared to give him attention, he stuck his tongue out at him and went back to his work with a raised chin.

"You don't deserve me. I'm gonna stop talking to you."

"Thank God, finally. Another word and I was going to toss this at you", joked Robert, showing the enormous dick of clay he had been working on the whole time. Hector laughed at the vision, though when the handsome older man went to fake-throw the thing, Hector almost fell out of his chair, attempting to dodge it. At that vision, it was Robert's turn to laugh, trying to hit a giggling Hector with his clay dick. 

He, Mary and Robert had become a good trio with time, they always met for drinks essentially every weekend. Sometimes one of the other dads was invited too, but it was mostly the three of them. Mind you, Hector had some veeeery embarrassing moments he’d like to bury in the back of his mind, but with the two he also created some of the best memories in his life.

Yet, this week Mary and Joseph were out of town visiting her parents with their children.

For the first time in a while, it would have been just Hector and Robert. 

When Hector heard the news, his heart skipped a few beats. It felt nice, knowing it was just the two of them for once. Really nice. And also extremely fucking stressful.

There was no need to make things weird, right? It wasn’t even the first time they hung out alone. Deep breaths, no touching, and acting like an adult would have done the trick. He was awkard already on his own, no need to overthink it and make things worse for the both of them.

So, Hector tried his best to search for something relaxing or at least, um, not too weird? 

Hector had found the course by accident, wasting precious time of his life that would've never come back - basically, he was scrolling on the internet - when puff! There was this small announcement on the online news of their town: it was a sculpting class that, coincidently, started on their usual 'drinking' night. It could have been fun, different from their typical nights at the bar, especially considering that Robert had stopped drinking months ago anyways. 

He proposed the idea, already waiting for a no, when Robert pleasantly surprised him. Hector half suspected it was because they had more than enough time to hunt cryptids later since the class wouldn't have ended too late.

And there they were now, fighting like kids who happened to be waaayyy too old.

When Robert shoved the gigantic clay dick near his face again, Hector, laughing hysterically, grabbed the upper half and attempted to move it away. Robert, grinning like an idiot, tried to make him lose his grip by pulling that monstrosity towards him holding the lower half. With the poor thing being pushed hard in two different directions, the dick tore in the middle, and both the men fell out of their seats. Two very explosive laughs echoed around the big room, capturing everyone's attention.

Hector was the first to be back on his feet, while Robert sat up, still holding the rest of his creation.  The curly-haired man fixed the glasses on his nose and went to help the bearded man with a smile.

Hector was pretty sure he had a dick-shaped spot of clay on the back of his t-shirt. He held his hand out to help Robert get up, but a mischievous grin suspiciously appeared on the older man's face. He suddenly pulled his wrist, testing his balance, trying to make him tumble. Hector miraculously resisted.

"Hah!" exulted Hector, actually helping a chuckling Robert to stand on his feet now.

He had already fallen for Robert, it was unnecessary to fall on him too.

When Robert's deep brown eyes were finally on his same level, if not a bit higher, they met Hector's gaze with an amused warmth. Robert was still smiling and the younger man couldn't help but reciprocate with enthusiasm. 

Everything was warmer with Robert. From the rays of the sun to the heat in his cheekbones when he looked at him a second too much, or even to whatever charge of electricity he could feel buzzing in his fingertips when they happened to be so close that their hands could touch; not to mention the boiling liquid in his chest when Robert allowed himself to show how tired he was, and how vulnerable, delicate and hard his new approach to his mental health and addiction was to maintain.

Those were times when he told Hector stories about his life, his daughter, and (very rarely) even his wife. Hector, in exchange, confessed his own struggles, his fight against depression, and his social anxiety. He offered comfort in grieving those who they had both lost and reassurance about how good he was doing.  

They also shared the good parts, the happy memories. They revealed themselves to the other, piece by piece.

Hector was simply honoured that Robert had learned to trust him so much. Sure, he still tried to sneak in some bullshit one way or another, but by now he had learned to call his bluffs.

They had learnt to know each other and, at this point, they seemed to be joined at the hips. There was a special bond between them, one Hector would have treasured with his whole being. 

It didn't matter that he had to fight the urge, always more often, to kiss him senselessly. Hector made a promise that day, and he intended to respect it, even 'til his last dying breath.

Okay, maybe that was a bit dramatic, but yeah, he had a lot of patience and didn't make promises lightly, so...

Besides, things were great. Hector was genuinely proud of how far Robert had come. He'd been there on some of Robert's most difficult nights, and seeing him like that made him even prouder of how he was now.

Still looking at him, Hector noticed how much more relaxed he appeared. There weren't those deep, dark circles anymore, his eyes shined a bit more of their own light, and he was taking care of his hair and beard more. He seemed happier, too. He had a better relationship with his daughter, their monthly calls slowly turned weekly, and by now they called or texted each other almost daily.

He dared to glance down, where he met Robert's soft smile again. Hector was very satisfied with himself: he was the one who put that smile on those very, very kissable lips. Robert was happy because of him. They were a bit chapped, but Hector never gave a flying fuck about those things. As if such small detail could have stopped him from totally devouring him, body and soul, never letting him go and-- ah, for fuck's sake. Hector, stop right now. 

"Hey, you two! Are you done acting like middle schoolers? I'm talking here!" Hector jumped out of his skin, having honestly forgotten where they were. A man with a red sweatshirt and sunglasses was clearly scowling at them, even if Hector couldn't see his eyes.

"Who the fuck wears sunglasses inside?" 

"The moon probably hits too hard for him." Robert snickered at that and Hector felt like he won a prize. 

"Since you're being so active, why don't you show the class what you made?" the tutor continued, heading to their table. The problem was that after a few steps closer, he recognised the duo. Hector also had the same realization, freezing in horror.

Robert, instead, was more than ready.

"Hey, I know you! You were-"

"Listen here, dude", started Robert in a low voice, to be heard just by the two of them, "we are doing a very important job here, we are undercover. Tell people to turn their attention elsewhere immediately." The tour guide-art teacher looked around angsty at the worried tone, noticing how everyone was watching them. He gulped and cleared his voice.

"Just get back to your work y'all." Robert gave him a grateful look while Hector let out a sigh of relief, immediately on with the plan. When someone had a best friend like Robert, one had to learn how to improvise quickly. 

"Good. But now our positions might be compromised", said the older man, his face turned towards Hector, seeming tense. Hector sighed again. 

"It's not said the last word. We could still be able to continue with our plans." Robert didn't look too convinced. Hector tried to reassure him by placing a hand on his arm - and felt the muscles bulge under the leather jacket - but before he could speak, the third man lowered his head, whispering his worries so fast that he almost resulted uncomprehensible.

"Is everything alright? Am I in danger? Should I end the class now? I don't want to die this way! Wait, no, maybe I do. Do I? Am I s-" Robert quietly shushed him, stopping his bumbling. The tour guide, poor soul, practically smelled of anxiety. He squeezed himself into his old sweatshirt with a shiver.

"First, you need to stay calm. You are the one in charge here. If you are nervous, people will detect it, and you might create more trouble." The other man nodded, his shoulders still too tense

“Yeah dude, be the alpha we know you are” added Hector, feeling bad for the guy.  At the words, the man in sunglasses straightened his back, with a bit more confidence. Robert kicked him under the table, Hector hit him back with a moan of pain.

"It would be better if you stayed away from us", Hector said again, without getting hit in the process.

"Second, we just need you to keep doing what you are doing. Watch the others, tell people what they should be doing and how to do it, stuff like that." The art teacher-tour guide... didn't he also work as a quiz host? seemed a bit unsure of himself, though he nodded again.

"We are trying to monitor the whole room, it's not as easy as it looks. It would be a huge help if no one disturbs either of us. Subtly. We don't need to get attention." What was his name? Quinn? He listened attentively to his words before hugging himself.

“But, uh, why are you here? What is your mission?” Robert clicked his tongue at that. Hector rested his forearms on the workbench, in a conspiratory tone.

“We can’t reveal anything, it’s for your own good” murmured the curly-haired man, tucking a curl behind his ear and staining his cheekbone green.

“B-but I’m the alpha, I need to know if-”

“All you need to know”, interrupted Robert, rolling his eyes, “is that you shouldn’t play too much with this material.” A flash of pure panic crossed the teacher’s face.

“We have been testing it the whole time, it’s very bizarre” revealed his partner in crime.

“I-I have no idea where this is from, it was already here! I-” Hector gently gestured for him to lower his voice.

“Just pretend nothing is happening, we’ll take care of the rest” ordered Robert, with a spooky look in his eyes, one of a man who was ready to go on a battle. Hector loved this type of theatrics.

"I'll do my best to let you go under the radar." He was going to say something else, probably wondering if to give them an earful since they probably were the loudest angle in the room. Hector was aware of that, at least. He couldn't see his eyes, he was still wearing sunglasses (why? Just why?), but the frown he was reading on his face didn't please either of the fake-ass-ghost-hunters.

"If you see us behaving like idiots..." began the younger idiot in question, "... just know that it's part of the plan. We can't act like we are constantly studying people, it'd be too suspicious", ended Robert, throwing a glance at the man on his side. Hector immediately caught it.

"Obviously. Duh." Their tutor for the night smacked his hand on his forehead at their words. He bit his lip, unsure, and lowered his head.

"I, uh, would thank you but... ehm, I forgot your names..." he admitted shyly, shoving his hands in his pocket, his black lens shining under the white lights.

"You have forgotten them?" Hector asked, sounding truly hurt. 

"You know what? Maybe it's better this way" intervened Robert, apparently trying to console Hector. 

"Tell people you don't know us and we've never met", commanded Robert gravely, a serious look on his face. The teacher threw them a glance from over his glasses. He opened his mouth, thought better of it, then simply turned around and left, going back to his station. 

Hector bit his lip, trying not to laugh. He elbowed Robert gently.

"What even was my name that night?"

"Fuck me if I could remember", Robert simply stated, immediately working to create a new dick, even bigger than the one he previously made. Hector looked sympathetically at the cute, little panda he had shaped.

I'm gonna call it Po.

It didn't take much more time for the class to end. Hector gave Po to Robert as gift a few minutes later, already knowing the poor guy would get lost in the woods. He liked it though, and that was enough.

Surprisingly, it wasn't Po the one they had to let go, but Greenzilla (the name Robert chose for his mastodontic work), when Hector, a proud coward, took it to protect them from God knows what. 

He had to make the rational choice of throwing it at something hiding in the trees. Because there was something in the trees, right? Right, Robert?

They both started running back to the car, scared shitless, and cracked up from the adrenaline rush once on the road.

Sure, Hector had to listen to Robert scolding him when things calmed down - he had spent so much time on Greenzilla, and now he was just gone. They had a moment of silence, to commemorate the friend they failed so soon - but it was worth it. The whole night had been worth it.

And for Robert? He'd have thrown as many gigantic dicks as needed, if not more.

Hector went to sleep with a warm laugh still in his mind.

[3fling]

I have a lot of thoughts about character development and their reception

(Obvi focusing too much on ghost and soap, which lead to focusing too much on project freelancer, and I’m reading too many books that are sparking the hyperfixation too atm, but if they inspire me to think then that’s fine.)

I love mischaracterization when they’re funny or just objectively good fandom choices. I don’t mind that much when characters are mischaracterized either. That’s not the point tho. The point is the depth of/implications made by really good character assessments.

Probably gonna be major spoilers for Red vs Blue, and the entire Mistborn series beyond this point.

(Maybe also for modern warfare 2 but I’ve never interacted with the source material and everything I know is from fan content so I don’t really know?? Anyway proceed with caution I’ll try to tag stuff as I talk.)

But like. Okay yes Wash is the tired dad guy in RVB post-freelancers. It’s very funny bc he’s a seasoned soldier and the reds and blues are pretty much useless. I’ve been rewatching seasons 9&10 lately, and I’m realizing just how much Wash has changed. He’s still a bit of a dick (which is fine), but when he was a true freelancer he was… personable? Optimistic? I would even say excited about being a soldier. Fast forward through 1.) losing everyone he’s ever known (yes Carolina too, but I’ll come back to that), 2.) being betrayed by some of the people he trusted the most, 3.) being forced to work with the animated corpse of his best friend and teammate and ultimately almost get killed by him before watching him die, and 4.) losing his last sliver of connection to the person he was before — we get to present day Wash (circa season 14, I haven’t watched past that). Wash is a broken man. Like so entirely and inescapably broken.

It takes him such a long time to start caring about the reds and blues bc he’s seen people he believed to be invincible get slaughtered. He watched his family get destroyed from the inside out. Every single person he knew all those years ago is dead, including the people he and Carolina used to be. He gets portrayed like “haha isn’t it funny how this seasoned vet has to hang out with these guys who have no idea how the military works?? Lol” and then at the same time he is just so desperately trying to persist. Not even survive. By the time Maine dies, I genuinely feel like Wash felt he had lost too much. He’s so reluctant to trust in and care about the reds and blues because he has been to the absolute depths of despair and loss and he doesn’t want to go back there.

Carolina, too. Like I didn’t realize the first time that she and York met before enlisting. That they enlisted together, that they were canonically romantically-involved like long term throughout all of the freelancer arc. They were a perfect match (I genuinely believe this, but I’m not going to take more space on this particular post to explore it). Then Carolina thinks he’s betraying her when he starts working against PFL and ends up abandoning him to die. She doesn’t realize until she’s also betrayed for real by active freelancers how wrong she was. The scene where she finds the Delta unit hit so much harder the more you dig into her and York’s story. Even after she abandoned him, York had faith he could win her back. He was planning to propose to her for YEARS. Even after she left him. He had so much faith that she would see the truth and they would make amends. She knows that now that it’s too late and she has to live with that knowledge for the rest of her life.

She was also betrayed by Maine, the man who took multiple shots for her and defended her with his life, only for him to turn on her and try to kill her just to loot her body. (Again I realize there was more to this plot point than that, but from her POV he had just lost it and betrayed her). Even Washington crosses her at some point. By the time she realizes how fucked up the entire PFL situation is, almost everyone she’s ever known has been murdered or is MIA-presumed-KIA and she has to live with the guilt of surviving that while defending the very thing that killed them all. So yeah, she and Wash “survived” but they are NOT the same people from the start of the story.

With Mistborn: The Lost Metal, seeing into the depths of Wayne’s regret and pain really fleshes his character out in a way I had assumed Brandon had already covered. Wayne didn’t just ruin that girls life, he’s ruined a lot of peoples lives, including his own. The worst part is, he can’t bring himself to do anything to change it and he’s fully aware of that fact and it makes him feel even worse. When he says the worst thing in the world is someone who wants to be like him, because he knows him and he hates that man… when MeLaan confessed that she didn’t really love him she was just sort of passing time with him and his conclusion is that it was because he wasn’t good enough for her?? God that hurts. But it’s so real and I feel like people aren’t talking about that aspect of Wayne enough. He’s goofy and stupid as a form of self-medication (since he can’t drink away his problems) in order to distract himself from his crushing guilt, regret, and self-loathing. He doesn’t want to be funny just to be funny. It’s almost entirely self-serving as a way to give himself a sense of worth and as a distraction, and his character deserves to have that recognized.

With Mistborn Era 1/Secret History, I’ve seen a lot of people complain that SH betrayed Kelsier’s character and motivation, but I think it solidified what Brandon had been hinting at all along. While his motivation may have initially been to fulfill Mare’s dream, over time it transformed into a desire to destroy the upper class/Lord Ruler as pure, unadulterated revenge. Marsh says something at one point I think to the effect of “is this what Mare would have done? Would she have wanted you to do this?” And Kelsier just sort of tells him to fuck off, but he’s RIGHT. Marsh tells us that Kelsier is a little crazy, biased, ambitious, and takes things too far. In my opinion, his decision to give up the afterlife in lieu of getting to keep living and furthering his personal goals is a clear decider. I’m not saying he doesn’t still love Mare or want to make her proud, but his own ambition now usurps his desire to do what Mare wanted to do. He’s willingly turned his back on seeing her again in favor of continuing his work toward his goals. I still love him as a character, but I can’t understand how people miss this critical character flaw and chalk it up to bad writing on Brandon’s part.

Anyway this all came from seeing someone talking about how if we were gonna be honest Ghost isn’t baby girl and instead would be:

Very wary, scared of forming attachments

Anti-touch, loathe any and all physical contact

Terrible at empathizing or connecting or communicating

And how basically all the really sweet and wonderful aspects about his babygirlification would unfortunately not happen as he is (much like all our other war veterans in this post) a DEEPLY broken man.

Idk that’s all I’ve just been thinking about that a lot lately.

[kyogre-blue]

White Clouds done for the first time. It took almost exactly 30 hours, whew.

I slowed down a bit toward the end because I started talking to every student in my class after Jeralt's death. They don't generally have much interesting to say, but I've hit the majority of available B ranks, so they've grown on me.

So, first, about this specific section. The escalation pace felt a bit fast though not necessarily in a bad way. It's just that the rest of the year had drip fed relevant info at such a comparatively slow rate that the last few month felt kinda crazy. Crazy villagers! Students turning into monsters! Jeralt dies! Byleth almost dies and merges with Sothis! Edelgard is the Flame Emperor and invading now! Bam, timeskip.

I think there is something to be said about this kind of pre-war period to help build up the characters and relationships before we get to the juicy part, but 30 hours of doing what I'd consider a fairly average amount of stuff is kind of a lot to hit what would be the inciting incident of older FE games. The calendar did not help with the pacing issues for sure.

Aside from that, I think we've gotten all the Byleth-related lore we're gonna get for a good while, and I spent a fair amount of time trying to ponder out what Rhea thinks is going on and what she wants to happen to Byleth. She talks about Byleth regaining their lost memories, which makes it seem like she considers them to be amnesiac Sothis, but she also refers to them as a vessel that will become one with the power within them, thus resurrecting Sothis...? It's really unclear what she thinks of the current Byleth, what she thinks will happen concretely, and how this would affect Byleth as an individual.

However, all this discussion only takes place AFTER Solon, so Sothis and Byleth have already merged. Byleth not only came out on top (albeit presumably based on Sothis's decision that it be so), but the first thing post timeskip text scroll is Sothis talking to you again, so it seems like the merger aspect might not even be the end of the subsumed personality.

The main point being, Byleth is not really in danger from anything except Rhea potentially reacting badly if we reveal that Sothis is gone. And since her actual aims are so unclear, it's hard to feel any particular concern or unease at that point. As a budding Rhea apologist, I wish we could had had more elaboration on this storyline.

As for White Clouds as a whole...

The pacing really is a mess. And while playing through once can be considered a reasonable experience, I do not enjoy the idea of doing it every single branch, especially with how little variation there seems to be. Up until Remire or so, what would even be different except the supports? And since you can recruit anyway.... Not great, to put it mildly.

It's unfortunate, because I think the calendar and monastery base could be have provided very good worldbuilding and immersion, but they just did not have enough put into them, whether because the developers did not understand how to use them, did not focus on this aspect enough, or did not have the time/budget to realize their vision. The calendar is very poorly laid out and too bare aside from repetitive grinding in the middle of the month, the explorable areas do not change according to seasons, making the calendar feel tacked on, etc. Just a lot of presentational shortcomings.

Liveblogging notes:

Kinda forgor what happened since Jeralt bit it because I took a few days break.

Well, regardless of the mission I forgot, I do recall Kronya got offed by her own ally, which was funny but kind of useless? I didn't really feel anything.

And then Solon had Byleth "swallowed by the mystical darkness of a forbidden spell." I guess if you can't deal with a problem (the protagonist), just yeet them into the void.

Lysithea shows no particular reaction to Solon, and neither does Flayn. I guess they're speaking generic lines here, which can go to practically any team member who is still alive to say them.

Everyone quite underreacts to the situation tbh. Claude's canned animations are very funny to see here.

Sothis speculates that Byleth was emotionless because of her. Presumably because she was still asleep until the start of the game, so Byleth, who is connected to her, was not entirely "awake" either?

It's kind of funny that Sothis calls herself a progenitor god but also the one who watches over Fodlan and all its creatures. But this world explicitly has more than just Fodlan. There's Almyra and other lands as well... Usually, the FE games are on separated continents specifically to avoid these questions.

The stuff Sothis says about needing to relinquish her power to you because she doesn't have a body... doesn't she directly possess Byleth in Hopes?

Sothis's soul with join with Byleth's, which I guess means Byleth does have their own soul.

The visuals somehow... feel so dated, it's weird.

Solon seems to not have realized that Byleth IS Sothis before this.

Seteth snuck a peak at Jeralt's diary too?? man, no privacy or respect for the dead. Interesting that Seteth has been so unsettled by Rhea's shenanigans that he's gone behind her back to investigate.

Rhea seems to think Sothis will revive through you for reals?

The monastery was built over the Holy Tomb, where Sothis sleeps... so they left her sleeping a ways from Zanado, where they lived, which is interesting.

This entire scene is hilarious if you know everyone's identities. Rhea is spouting pure nonsense about Seiros while being Seiros, and Seteth who knows all this and is in full doubt mode still has to go along with it.

Claude just directly eavesdrops on your meeting with Rhea? lmao

According to Cyril, Almyra is all plains and sky. Also has a city.

Ignatz just casually goes "let's go to Almyra after the war :D" Which is... Uh. Interesting that this doesn't present any travel concerns, but also what war

Imperial Army invades the Holy Tomb, wanting to take the Crest Stones there... But whose crest stones are they? I think dragons can traditionally create more than one dragonstone, but I'm not sure how crest stones function. I'm asking because it's unclear how many dragons there actually were. We have murals with the 10-something that have specific crests (who do not otherwise belong to any unified group, btw), but those crest stones would largely be accounted for, so were there other dragons too?

Also, not entirely sure what Rhea was expecting to happen. It doesn't seem like she directly expects you to get replaced by Sothis? My best guess is she expects Sothis to awaken (memories intact) and speak to you, but she doesn't know amnesia Sothis was already awake and is now gone...?

Suddenly, Edelgard

Edelgard's big invasion speech is hilariously propaganda. Ah yeah, Seteth and Rhea sure do want rule the world. Seteth is a grumpy but well meaning man, and Rhea has consistently cared about misuse of Relics/Crest Stones and Byleth and.... basically nothing else.

Also, this is not a subtle game. They want you to know Tomas is sus? Boy, they will make sure you know it. So Edelgard going "they divided the Kingdom and the Alliance from the Empire" "they live in extravagance by exploiting the masses"... NONE of this has ever been even slightly supported. There's nothing particularly extravagant about the monastery, and we have never even heard of people paying tithe. And while the Kingdom and Alliance history was mentioned somewhere, the Church was never brought up in association.

No one among the Deer students has anything to say about Edelgard's speech, just concern about this being a war. There's not even a hint that anyone thinks she's right lol

Seteth directly says that Edelgard is out to conquer the continent. His first thought after confirmation of the invasion is to have the surrounding villages evacuate.

OK, Rhea thinks Byleth's "lost memories" are beginning to return and that they've guessed "the truth of who they are." She says she has acted as "the proxy" for "Byleth." But to Seteth, she describes Byleth as a "vessel" and in time, the vessel will become one with the power within, at which point the progenitor god will return to this world. It's not entirely clear what she thinks of Byleth as an individual. She asks Seteth to "help our friend and in doing so, help her." So Byleth is a friend, but... they mention stuff like Flayn owing her life to Byleth and that Byleth may prove to be "their brethren"... Really hard to parse what they think is going to happen, specifically.

But since Sothis has already merged with Byleth and Byleth is obviously fine, there's not really anything to fear from this. It can't really read as ominous when the merging has already happened lol Edelgard supposedly spent the entire year gathering her forces at the monastery, speaking them in disguised as merchants and pilgrims.

Funny how all the Empire students are chilling at the monastery, telling us how their fathers and such are supporting Edelgard. Good thing we're too nice to take them hostage or something.

Sitri 1139 - 1159, Jeralt ?? - 1180. I guess we're in 1181 now...? Hang on, it's the 3rd month. Holy Tomb was 2nd month. Sothis merger would have been first month. So Jeralt death was 12th month of previous year, right?

It's cute how Claude says he'll always be on Byleth's side. Tbh I think the story would benefit from being able to highlight his ride or die side more. But since Byleth has very little direction in their own story, it ends up being more about Claude's ambitions.

Who the heck are Randolph and Ladislava

This music is very cool tho

The monastery walls are hella tall? Wow

I'm not sure what to make of this angle of Rhea leaving the monastery and the Church to Byleth.

Rhea just body slams the invading army.

The masked black beasts are creepy. Masks are a control mechanism, I suppose.

Byleth gets bodied by Thales lol. Where did this pit even come from

And that's that! The Unification of Fodlan has begun.

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

I had intended to post photos from the convention tonight, but honestly I am as too depressed.

To be clear, this was NOT the fault of the convention. It’s a lovely convention full of enthusiastic and friendly people. I’m sure the majority will remember it joyously, as they should.

Now I did go into the convention with several disadvantages. On top of the lack of sleep, the trip began with a flat tire! (What is it with me going to this convention and flat tires?!?!) My money situation was worse than I’d expected and I couldn’t get my blasted ankle brace and boots on without agony.

At the convention I had an extreme excess of pain and serious lack of funds, neither of which makes for a ton of fun when you are spending seven hours walking around in a room full of people selling very nice things they’ve frequently put their heart and souls into. I was walking about with my sleep deprived brain only able to focus on PAIN.

See, my nature is to wander around chatting with everyone I can. I then divide up what money I have and buy some little things from as many people as I can. The more love and enthusiasm they have, the less I worry about whether it’s my thing. Over the years I’ve bought a lot of really bad comics from people I want to encourage to keep creating.

This year I just didn’t have it in me. I didn’t have the energy. I especially didn’t have the money.

When I did I talked the pain was screeching away in the background. And when folks found out I was too broke to spend, they naturally would lose interest in chatting. Sometimes it wasn’t even about the money when they would turn away as I was mid sentence.

The problem is me. Boring, useless, broke me. I’m not interesting or funny or whatever it is people like. I can’t even plug into any fandom deeply enough to be embraced. I like geeky, nerdy stuff, but I don’t have a single passion.

In the past I have been better at this. Maybe it’s like when people starve for weeks they can’t launch into a four course meal. Their bodies can’t take it. I’ve finally gone too long on my, too little human connection. I’ve starved for people, and when thrown into a room of them I’m a wreck.

I dunno. A room full of people, and everyone either with or meeting up with someone. Families. Friends. It reminds me of my being alone.

I did try to call Mom at the con. I struggled to find a place away from all the noise, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t get her.

Somehow I just felt like such a damn freak. I wanted to feel a sense of belonging, amid folks that actually know the things I enjoy and many that actually make things. But even among geeks I’m a weirdo in so many ways. I won’t make a list. I’m too tired and sad. No point in dwelling on it. I belong nowhere. That’s just the nature of being me.

The trouble is a part of me lives in hope. I hope that this time someone will like me. This time I will make a friend. I will find some sense of connection, of belonging, a break from my isolation….

A bit much to ask of just seven hours wandering around a convention center full of strangers. I’m not special enough to pull that off. Weird, odd, but not appealing.

Again, just the nature of being me. All these decades it shouldn’t bother me. It bothers me

On a minor note about the con, my concern my Discworld shirt would inspire people to expect me to know about the subject proved utterly unfounded. I had several people ask me what the shirt was about, never having heard of Discworld or Terry Pratchett. If anyone knew they didn’t say anything. It’s a rather obscure fandom in these parts.

Anyway, this is too long a vent. The con is over for another year. I’m depressed and lonely and am feeling a sense of despair.

The central point is simply I am doomed to be an outsider. I feel a bit like someone that put their hand out as they were falling and failed to catch anything. Maybe I need to finally accept that there isn’t any point in trying anymore?

So back to another year of being alone in my hick town where not a damn person shares a single one of my interests, and 90% of my time is spent alone on the farm, in the woods or whatever.

Oh well. I’m not entirely alone. Maybe some of the animals sorta love me and I can “make friends” by sculpting them badly into being….