#anyway very useless post i felt funny making this

[superfruitland]

okay okay okay i was gonna start doing the requests but i had a fleeting thought

[whatsjulietslastname]

Okay so this is me talking about everything that is wrong with Double Exposure because my first post about it was an angry reaction at the pricefield breaking up news and it wasn’t really diving into it. Obviously don’t read this if you haven’t played the game and do not want to get spoiled. Also, this is going to be long.

First of all, what I really want to speak about and what a lot of people are refusing to accept is how painfully out of character Max is throughout the whole game. “Yeah but she’s ten years older—” Don’t care. That doesn’t mean her entire personality has to change. I’ll say it over and over again, 2014 Max Caulfield would have absolutely despised her adult version. The thing that bugs me the most about 2024 Max Caulfield is how careless she is with her powers. She’s not asking herself where they came from, she doesn’t even freak out, or actually care. In the first game, right after she first rewinds, she constantly has to remind herself that she isn’t dreaming, and that this is real. In this game, she just accepts it, and goes on with her day, and uses her powers for the most useless reasons possible. What about the Max from her nightmare who represents the guilt she felt for using her powers wrong and putting all of those people in danger, you say? Absolutely forgotten. Max uses her powers so she can find items easier and so the people who rejected her in her main timeline want her in the other one. (Yes, after Chloe breaks up with her and expresses her worries about the fact that Max — apparently — uses her powers so things go her way — which is already incredibly out of character, because no, 2014 Max wouldn’t have used her powers on Chloe to avoid conflict, especially after what happened.) That is incredibly manipulative and shitty. SHE WOULDN’T FUCKING SAY THAT. And also, why on Earth would she try and use her powers to avoid her friend’s death when she KNOWS where this is leading. Did she not learn anything from the past? Apparently, she didn’t! And proceeded to completely forget about it all.

Something else that is incredibly annoying and gets tiring after like ten minutes is the amount of awkward sex-related jokes that Max (and every character, somehow) keeps making at any given moment. Pretty sure this was supposed to show us that Max is an adult now and that she hangs out with adults and knows what sex is but that is way too much. Nobody talks like that in real life (and if I ever meet someone who does I’m leaving the conversation). Max also makes cringey jokes all the time, because her dialogue (and hers only, which makes it sound even weirder) is the same as the 2014 one, except it was 2014 back then and it was acceptable. Now, if Max Caulfield says ‘let’s trash, shakabrah’, you’re only making it obvious how much fan-service you filled this game with. It would be funny if she said it to Chloe, because then it would have sounded like an inside joke, except she says it to her new lame love interest who has no idea what she’s talking about, and just. Why. Why would she, Deck Nine. The main problem about the fact that those jokes are thrown at us all the time is that Max’s inner dialogue is almost only focused on them. Something traumatic happens to her? Who cares. She’s gotta make a joke about the rock you pick up and then bring to another universe’s lame love interest who’s gonna reject her anyway and say ‘I’ll never apologize for my dad jokes’ because apparently, we’re never seeing the end of the fan-service in this game.

Chloe is out of character too the only few times we hear of her, but that’s only because Deck Nine makes it obvious how much they despise her. She leaves Max through a very underwhelming letter, which is already out of character enough. She then proceeds to never reach out for years (which is something Max has done to her and that has hurt her, so why the fuck would she do the same thing right after?) And apparently, she doesn’t care. She just moves on, and parties, and kind of starts flirting with Max’s high school bully, and makes cringey posts on the Internet that make her sound like an extremely corny player. That isn’t Chloe Price. That’s someone Chloe Price would make fun of, at most. I kept picturing 2014 Chloe reading the things her adult self apparently posts on social media and freeze in terror. Genuinely. Also, the whole ‘Joyce is dead and Chloe is angry at Max for it’. Sigh. Chloe gave Max the choice. She said ‘you’re the only one who can (make this choice)’. And then, when Max choses her, in front of her, and lets the town get blown away, Chloe says ‘I’ll always be with you’. Why the sudden switch up? Never explained. Chloe is just angry at Max for something she originally wasn’t angry at her for.

The writing in this game is super weak, too. There are a few cool scenes (I’m thinking the one where Safi tells Max to pulls the trigger in the middle of the storm, if you manage to make it past how boringly similar to LiS 1 it feels), but it’s mostly just…meh, at most. For instance, Safi asks Max about Chloe, we learn that Chloe and Max broke up, or that Chloe died, and then without giving us any time to process that, the game forces us to friendzone or flirt with some random girl that is apparently into Max. We don’t have any time to decide if we like her or not, you just take a look at her and decide if Max wants her. The dialogues are more often than not awful too. It sounds like something ChatGPT would write. Nearly every single interaction Max can have with basically anyone feels forced, and like people talk too much, or not enough, people say random thing that makes no sense and nobody cares, we suddenly hear Max’s thoughts in a middle of a conversation, there are awkward moments of silence. Painful to witness. Max has NO chemistry with either of her love interests (though the guy is somehow more interesting than the girl to interact with), and manages to have more romantic moments with her best friend who she’s not supposed to be into than with them. Both those love interests are useless and suck anyway, because they will both end up rejecting Max by the end anyway, and apparently won’t even return, which strikes the question of why the romantic plot lines were even involved. (Which also made me hate Amanda a lot. I guess she is somewhat likable at the beginning of the game, but she gradually becomes annoyingly pushy and ends up telling Max she’s too much to deal with at the end of the game anyway). Also, it’s annoying how obvious it is that the romantic plot line is way more explored with Amanda than it is with Vihn. Stop making Max look like she’s basically a lesbian but not completely because she hooks up with guys sometimes. Stop bisexual erasure, basically.

The game gives up on its own plot in the middle of it. It was promoted as a murder mystery but stop being one after a while to become a What The Hell Is Going On With Safi kind of thing. Also, there’s the whole thing with the detective. Why did they even create him only to treat him as a joke and never explain what happened with him. One of the most confusing thing about this game. What the hell was that for.

The nightmare sequence. God, how I hate it. If you want to deal with Max’s trauma, do it WELL. It’s a go big or go home thing, not a ‘let’s put some sort of references but never properly deal with anything’. IT WAS SO FRUSTRATING. There’s references about Chloe everywhere, and never Chloe. I get it, you don’t want her to be in this game. But if you do want to talk about Max’s trauma, you gotta swallow your pride and put her somewhere anyway. Max can’t have a nightmare about the things that traumatized her without Chloe being there. It just makes it even more obvious how much the studio avoided to put her in the game on purpose. The bathroom scene? God, please, what the fuck was that. Why would Max think of herself as some kind of Nathan Prescott parallel?? The only thing they had in common was pointing a gun at someone. That’s it. That was another poor attempt of the game to try and not put Chloe there but still say ‘look!! Max still thinks about her and is traumatized!! But she somehow dreams about it without seeing her face once!!’ like just stop. And the Dark Room part felt very underwhelming too. Kudos to Hannah Telle for the amazing voice acting on this, but the scene lasted ten seconds. Just don’t put it there, please.

The nightmare isn’t needed in every LiS game. So isn’t the Storm. So aren’t the nosebleed. Why does Diamond get nosebleed because of her powers? That was a Max thing. Daniel didn’t get nosebleed, Alex didn’t get nosebleed, Chris didn’t get nosebleed. (Rachel didn’t get nosebleed either). Why is this suddenly something everybody get because of their powers?? And why do every powers suddenly create Storms. It’s not a common Powers Problem, it was a Rewind Powers thing. God, this makes me mad.

And last but not least. The final choice. It felt so??? Underwhelming??? I use this word a lot, but it’s how the whole game feels for me. The LiS choices are hard to pick. There’s no morally wrong or right answer. It depends on who you are, what you stand for. The first game was about learning how to let go or refuse to let your friend get ruined by fate. The second game was about giving your life up for your brother to have a chance or refusing to give up on what you believe in and what makes you who you are, no matter what. Before the Storm was about protecting your loved ones from the truth or refusing to lie to them and let them hurt. True Colors was about forgive the unforgivable in the name of compassion or hold a grudge in the name of family.

And then there’s this game. ‘Do you wanna join the X-men me and my team of supervillains and take over the world lol’. Why would Max say yes to that. Just why. If you want to play the game in character, it’s obvious that you have to pick ‘refuse’. If you want to play an out of character evil Max just for the sake of it because it’s fun, alright! I don’t blame you. It’s fun. But why on Earth would Max Caulfield agree.

Also, they take you for an idiot with the cat content. Do NOT waste your money on it, you will regret it.

Anyway. This game would’ve been okay if it hadn’t been apart of the LiS franchise, and if it had starred a different main character. I still would’ve thought it was confusing and generally not great, but at least it wouldn’t have felt like such a let down. (Side note: everything I’ve said doesn’t include Moses and Gwen. I want to put them in my pocket and carry them around with me forever. Love them a lot.)

And congratulations if you’ve read this far. I probably would’ve gone ‘I ain’t reading allat’ and scrolled

[lumieumie]

I AM HAVING THOUGHTS. (Apologies to my followers who do not follow me for Voltron just ignore this post)

I haven’t really seen much about this in particular so I don’t know if it’s an unpopular opinion or not, but I just did not like Hunk and Pidge in the last few seasons, even when it first came out back when I was younger. I really liked them in the first few seasons, I liked how they were like a little trio. But as the show built on Lance’s insecurities, it made their friendship in the later seasons… bad. Because not only was it actively acknowledged that Lance had these doubts about himself, but Hunk and Pidge just seemed to confirm his doubts about himself.

Yeah, sometimes their antics towards Lance were played off as comedic, but unlike the typical teasing amongst friends where everyone gets a laugh out of it, Lance seemed hurt more often than not. He didn’t seem to find these things funny.

They went from a cute little trio to a duo who actively made fun of the ‘odd one out’ because he wasn’t as ‘smart’ as them. And no, Lance wasn’t techy, but he also wasn’t STUPID. He was in an elite military school, you don’t get into those places by being stupid. Sure, he wasn’t a science whizz or anything, but that was never what he was there for anyways. He wasn’t trying to become a scientist or an engineer, he was there to be a pilot. There are other ways of being smart that don’t involve math and science.

Overall, Pidge and Hunk’s treatment of Lance and disregard for his feelings and opinions in the last couple of seasons was just gross. It’s not how real friends treat each other.

And then the game show makes it SO MUCH WORSE.

It felt like a really bitter punch in the gut after all the talk in the show about his insecurities and then it barely gets acknowledged, and THEN the game show episode basically puts it ALL INTO STONE that his insecurities are VERY FOUNDED, that his team, his FRIENDS all think he’s stupid. Then the poor treatment from the rest of the team is never brought up again and he just. Becomes a farmer. It really just sucks because it felt like it was all “he’s insecure but he can overcome those insecurities and reach his potential through facing them head on!” and it suddenly shifted to “ACTUALLY everyone does think he’s useless and stupid and also he never embraces his potential after the show he becomes a farmer lol”

I’ve been told a few times that I shouldn’t expect anything beyond what was given, because it’s a kids show and that kind of depth isn’t warranted.

In my opinion, the fact that it’s a kids show makes it WORSE.

You’re showing this guy’s best friends treating him like absolute garbage without any consequences ever. There is no apology, or a definite stop to the behaviour, his friends just get to use him as the butt of the joke even when he doesn’t find it funny. Lance is even shown to be hurt by their words. What kind of message is that sending kids?

Like. It’s showing them that one, it’s okay if their friends treat them horribly, because it’s ’just a joke’ so it doesn’t matter if they hurt you, and two, it’s showing kids that they can treat their friends like this without any consequences. As long as it’s funny to you, it’s fine. These are both HORRIBLE messages for kids.

Tldr: the borderline bullying from Hunk and Pidge was just unnecessary. They should’ve just cut it, because it made Hunk and Pidge very unlikeable as characters overall.

[s12e28]

AlCale Fanfiction Recommendations from a Crazy Person (Updating…)

For those who can accept anything.

All the works are from sotdae (솟대). I recommend reading in this order…!

I Don’t Love You (나는 당신을 사랑해지 않는다)

Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 2 (R18) • Epilogue (R18)

_

Of course it matters who the Young Master Shield dates! The mere rumor of the Rowoon Empire losing their Moon, their Silver Light, to a lover from a foreign power is already causing an uproar in the nobles’ conference—what more if the citizens caught wind? All the development in post-war stability will be for naught… unless…

“…What is it, Your Majesty?”

“Will you go out with me?”

“Are you crazy?”

If problems can be solved with bigger problems, then scandals can be solved with even bigger scandals.

Alver and Cale fake-date for political reasons. It progresses exactly how you’d expect it to.

_

Beautifully written. The author was able to excellently capture how two of the most calculating bastards would get together in their own special way.

Plot and Dialogue : S-Tier

_

Real Person Can Sue You

Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 2 (R18)

_

‘Why would he do something so stupid? He was so rich that additional income didn’t mean anything, and the honor he could lose was endless.’

OR

The one where Cale picks up a strange hobby after everything’s settled down.

_

If ancient Mesopotamia could churn out fanfiction for their local heroes Gilgamesh and Enkidu, then who’s to say Rowoon won’t have the same for their beloved Sun and Moon? Anyways, I dub this the “fujo cale fanfic”. It was a very funny unhinged premise, but still.

Plot and Dialogue : S-Tier

_

Hand (손)

Oneshot

_

There’s nothing in the hands of Rowoon’s newly crowned King that Cale desires.

Alver knows this.

And really, it’s not a bad thing at all.

“When you could read love in my eyes, did you think I couldn’t read love in yours?”

_

Well, I thought this was really… the character interpretation… I can see it in canon. Cale sat Alver on the throne because he knows that by then, the other’s number one priority will always be Rowoon. The second that priority wavers, Cale will definitely beat the King back to his senses. Don’t be distracted by useless emotions and focus. It was bittersweet, but the ending was really good. Alcale is real…

Plot and Dialogue: S-Tier

_

Bum of the Governor’s Family (관찰사댁의 한량이 되었다)

Part 1 • Part 2

(I’m not doing it any justice—but basically the title is a parody of the original work. Maybe a more literal translation of the title would be “I Became The Bum Bride of the Governor’s Household” because of 관찰사댁의. Also 한량이 is the more ancient term equivalent for “Slacker” with use dating back to the 900’s Goryeo Dynasty—so just imagine that setting and time period.)

_

A white hand like snow stretched out in front of Alver’s eyes.

“Take it, Your Highness. Then I’ll give you the world.”

The sweetest temptation.

Alver took its hand.

_

Oriental AU. Characteristics of secondary-sex and pheromones, but not necessarily omegaverse. If you’re a fan of Kingmaker Cale, then this one’s for you. Cunning til the end, while it does roughly follow the plot of the original—there are still some moments that will make you go: ah!

Plot and Dialogue: S-tier

_

Love Potion (사랑의 묘약)

Oneshot

_

There lay an empty a glass plate, its previous contents reduced to mere crumbs of sugar.

Funny thing is, apparently one of them had… a love potion!?

“Your Majesty, if you’re in love with me right now, give me a week’s vacation.”

“Well, the potion’s effects only last for three days…”

“Tch. Then three days.”

Alver smiled faintly.

“Young Master Cale, if you’re in love with me right now, please review this budget report.”

_

It was funny how they couldn’t tell who took the love potion. Whatever they felt has always been, in their own definition, love. A very sweet story.

Plot and Dialogue: S-tier

_

Jane

Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 (R18)

WARNING: The content of this story may not be suitable for those who are sensitive to: Rape, Adultery, Self-Harm, Blackmail (incest), Graphic descriptions of Death/Murder (infants, toddlers).

Please read with caution.

-

“Don’t call me, I won’t answer.”

“Then how do I catch you?”

Cale, who was inclined against the bedside, smiled brightly. He leaned his red head against the window, long hair flowing down and mixing with the moonlight.

“How can you catch me?”

_

If you can handle the heavy themes listed in the warning, then PLEASE give “Jane” a chance. No words can describe the emotional rollercoaster that was this story. Every description was as vivid as it was jarring. The downwards slope came gradually, but when it got steep—it felt impossible to turn back. For you as a reader, and for them as characters. Think about if Alver and Cale’s usual tacit agreement with each other took a twisted turn. I can guarantee none of what you’re thinking of now could prepare you for this fic.

Plot and Dialogue: SSS-Tier

_

copycat

Part 1 • Part 2 • Part 3 • Part 4 • Part 5 (R18) • Part 6 (R18) • Part 7 (R18) • Part 8 • Part 9

_

Basically LCF if it were the Sci-Fi genre. No excerpt, there are too many incredible parts. Heads up for scientists on steroids instead of mages, advanced AI robots instead of dragons, cyborgs instead of necromancers, and sick eugenicist AI White Star. Give it a read if you’re a fan of rich world building!

Plot and Dialogue: SSS-Tier

_

[phantoms-lair]

BnHAxFFXIV Hero Names

Izuku stood in front of the class with clutching the board with his chosen hero name written on it. "Okay, I chose this when I got accepted here, and I thought about changing it when certain recent events happened, but I decided to stick with it anyways." he flipped his board around to reveal the name 'Seventh Dawn'.

"The Scions of the Seventh Dawn were a group created in the wake of the Calamity of the sixth Astral Era by a merger of the two factions, the Circle of Knowing and the Path of the Twelve-"

"We don't need a history lesson, Pussnboots." Bakugou called out.

"He's right!" Midnight cracked her whip. "Your name should reflect you, not require otherworldly knowledge to understand."

Right. Focus down. "It's like how Kirishima's name is an homage to to Crimson Riot. The Scions of the Seventh Dawn are everything I aspire to be in a hero. Someone who helps other regardless of background or borders, and against any odds. The Dawn in the name is a promise that no made how dark things seem, there will be a light at the end, and I will be that light."

"Brava!" Midnight clapped her hands. "Mysterious and hopeful, approved!"

Izuku took a deep breath of relief and sat back down.

Bakugou looked at his own board. He'd picked out the name years ago, but like Izuku did when he realized he didn't need to name himself in remembrance of loved ones he'd never see again, he rethought it after Izuku had returned. Even now, he wasn't sure. But...he was never one to back away from anything. Not even this.

And if Izukun reacted badly, he'd find something else.

He strode to the center of the room, board hidden from sight. "So when I was a kid I was a real asshat. Wasn't entirely my fault, I was surrounded by adults who had a crapsack 'Might Makes Right' attitude and encouraged me to put weaker kids 'in their place'. But it took me longer than it should have to realize they were full of shit."

He fiddled with the board. "This name serves two purposes. The first is a reminder of what I used to be so I never fall into that trap again. The second-" here it was. "I'm not naïve enough to think that never happened elsewhere, that other jerkwads elsewhere used similar insults to me. So I want those victims to see me standing at the top with this name and never having to feel shame when people call the useless. Because from now one," He flipped his board over and saw Izukun's eyes widen.

"Deku is the name of a God Damn hero!"

~~~~

So when I decided on Bakugou redeeming himself in this I knew Izuku would need a knew name. He doesn't need to reclaim it, as no one's called him that in years and his old bully fervently apologized for his actions. Uraraka would never associate it with deikru because she'd never hear anyone say it. I waffled a bit on Seventh Dawn, but went for it as when he got accepted into UA, he was still mourning his Da and aunts and uncles in the group, and would want to carry on their legacy. Of course they reconnected post USA, but I think by then he'd already accepted the name and felt awkward about changing it. Prolly already discussed it with them too. (They were very flattered in the way you can only be when a small kid imitates you) Then I realized there was someone for whom the name Deku still held a lot of meaning and thought 'Wouldn't it be funny if..."

[ryuichirou]

Dark headcanons feat. Idia

Anonymous asked:

Got any more super dark head canons for our favorite hikikomori? I’m a glutton for punishment, I know.🫠

Anonymous asked:

being normal is overrated. fuck it gimme your most messed up idia hcs nsfw and sfw

Ask and you shall receive, dear Anons, even if it happens several months later 😭

I want to thank you once again for your patience; one of the reasons why it took me this long was that I always get excited when we receive asks about darker scenarios. I got so excited that, I think, some of the hcs are kind of like short stories lol even though I didn’t want to make them too long… well, anyways.

So, dark and messed up hcs! Obviously Idia-centric; a lot of it is Mob/Idia. Starting on a lighter note, but then it gets more messed up.

(I’m not talking about the Tweels and Idia this time (I know there are asks about them too!), they’ll get another post <3 Let’s hope that I’ll finish it soon)

Sometimes he tortures himself by having internet arguments lol He doesn’t feel good when he argues with randos, even though it’s funny sometimes, but sometimes he continues to do it fully knowing that the conversation is completely useless. A couple of times he connected to his opponent’s webcam log and found footage of them masturbating. He could’ve easily used it to end the argument quickly, but for some reason no matter how heated he gets, he doesn’t do it. He thinks about it though.

Idia has seen every single cursed thing on the internet. Things that would make some people traumatised, things that are way too much even for Idia. If cursed things on the internet were an iceberg meme, to Idia Blue Waffle and One Guy One Jar would be the most basic tier. Something that everyone knows and isn’t as shocking. Sometimes he wonders how Azul-shi or Crimson Muscle would react to some of the stuff he’s used to seeing.

Same goes with porn, to be honest. Idia could go months without masturbating or watching porn, but he isn’t sure if it’s because of his low sex drive or because of how bored he is with porn. Regular porn doesn’t do it for him at all, with kinks he either gets into them or suddenly loses interest, his favourite hentai tropes are pretty messed up. He ended up watching some banned illegal stuff a couple of times just to see if he’d feel anything. The next day he was back to his favourite hentai tropes though.

Idia got groped during his entrance ceremony. He has no idea why he was picked out of every single person there, but he thinks it’s because of his hair: everyone’s silhouette is the same in the ceremonial robe, but his hair makes him stand out. Even though his butt is small… When it happened, Idia got so shocked that he just stood there still, allowing them to touch him. He was upset, but at the same time remembered all the hentai and doujins that started this way, and it resulted in him feeling a weird mix of deep disgust and arousal. He had no idea if anyone noticed him getting molested, and if anyone saw that he had a boner, but he sure felt like every single person was looking at him and judging him. He got traumatised by that, but the situation was so bizarre to him that he came without touching himself after returning to his room as quickly as possible.

Despite being shy and antisocial, Idia is very cocky, and he was especially cocky when he was a freshman. Living with 3 other people was a huge stress for him, and as we talk about living with them 24/7, his natural response to stress was to start talking shit. He felt intimidated by everything and everyone back then, and at the same time felt super annoyed because he was a genius who was much more skilled and smart than most of his senpai, and definitely smarter than the goons that he had to share a room with. Long story short, his roommates thought he was weird and bullied him every time Ortho wasn’t around for some reason (i.e. when he was charging): stole his clothes and pillows, threw stuff at him, talked shit about him, not even trying to be quiet about it. One time they dogpiled him on his own bed and made him pee himself. The other time they wrote swear words all over his body, talking about how all this were the things that people called him when he wasn’t listening. Idia got his revenge after that (yay doxing), but he is a bit scared of these guys to this day.

Idia’s second year wasn’t much better because he still had to share a room with a guy. And if the first bunch were bullies that Ortho really didn’t like (he tried to protect Idia, but couldn’t do it all the time), his roommate during his second year was more sneaky. He had good relationship with Ortho, so Ortho didn’t mind leaving these two alone in the room. He even asked Idia to try and befriend the guy because he really thought Idia needed friends. Idia hated the guy though because not only did he treat him just as badly as the previous group, he also constantly threatened that he would complain about Ortho being dangerous, just to make Idia anxious to lose his knight in shining armor. This got so bad that he made Idia cry like a baby one time because the guy convinced him that he would make everything to take Ortho away from him. And Idia isn’t an idiot; he knew that this wasn’t as simple, but something about the way the guy said it made him break down and cry pathetically.

Idia pretty much lived in fear for an entire year, and somewhere around the middle of the first semester the guy started molesting him. Ortho didn’t intervene because Idia tried his best to hide it from him, even when the guy started demanding Idia to suck him off and started sticking fingers up Idia’s ass, mostly to humiliate him. This is why Idia thought that he was either a masochist or just unstable, because while he absolutely hated it, he felt like he also didn’t mind it enough. The guy got kicked out of NRC before he actually raped (=put his penis into Idia) him, and while Idia was super happy, he also felt disappointed. As if Idia deserved bad things to happen to him… or was he actually into this dynamic and wanted to feel punished and used by someone who treats him like shit? He was never into butt stuff before, but he felt himself aching for a dick that he sucked for months while the guy was humiliating him.

Sometimes Idia fantasises about getting violated by other NRC students. It’s not like he looks at them and sighs dreamily, more of a “what if/how would he do this” type of way. He thinks it’s just his morbid curiosity, and even thinks that it’s very self-centered of him to think that Azul or Rook or Sebek or Lilia or Cater or anyone else would want to rape him, but… what if? He has pretty solid scenarios in his head for some of them, it’s surprisingly easy to come up with them based on their interactions…

Idia kind of likes it when his entire head is being hidden during sex. Well, likes the idea of it. Maybe it’s due to the fact that it keeps him anonymous, but the idea of a bag on his head or a hole-in-the-wall thing kind of tickles him. He had a bunch of dreams about getting stuck in a hole in the wall and then being used as a fuck toy. These dreams always end with someone somehow recognising him and calling him “Idia?” though, so Idia wakes up covered in sweat.

One time Idia almost became one of those people who die due to strangling themselves during masturbation. And he isn’t even into this type of stuff, he just wanted to try to see if it would work or not. He didn’t pull his pants down or anything, he tried to do it through clothes, so he was fucking lucky that Ortho woke up just in time to see him passed out with a noose around his neck. Poor Ortho got so worried and obviously came to wrong conclusions, but Idia felt way too embarrassed to confess about the actual reason why he ended up in this situation… it feels horrible knowing that he made Ortho so worried and upset and heartbroken, but he just couldn’t say that he did it to feel good when he orgasms.

[betryl]

It's been said a lot of times before but I'll say it again because it's true: the country house section is one of the best, if not THE best section of the book.

It's weird to say considering how "useless" it is in terms of plot (there's the Bacchanal happening in the background but of course we know nothing about it yet), and there are many parts that are way more interesting in which actual things happen. Plus, it is quite long, so a lot of pages of basically nothing.

And yet in retrospect, that's the part that stuck with me the most in the end, and it still is one of the first things that come to mind when I think back on TSH.

It was just that vivid. Maybe it's because I've experienced something similar myself so I could sympathize with how Richard was feeling too. I just remember I was totally immersed in it the first time I read it. I really felt like I was there. And even if it did last longer than I expected and I wanted to go on with the story already, I didn't feel bored.

Apart from simply ✨the atmosphere✨ and ✨the aesthetic✨ being on point, I think the main reason for this is that it really fed the illusion, and it made you FEEL like Richard. We knew from the very first page (lines!) that this book was probably not going to be a joyful one. But while they were in that country house, everything seemed fine. Richard was finally making his way into the group, they were starting to be more open towards him, they were all having a great time together, we got to see their little stupid shenanigans which made us know all of them better and me inevitably attached to all of them (Bunny throwing Henry and Francis in the water will never not be funny to be) and they even started daydreaming about the possibility of living together in that house without anything changing in the future.

It was clear even while I was reading it that all those things would have never become true, and that the illusion would have shattered soon. But still a little part of me kept on believing that maybe that could last, because the way it was narrated by Richard was... weirdly hopeful, which isn't something I can say about any other part of the book I believe. It was hopeful, and yet there was that unsettling sense of dread creeping through the lines, because you KNEW the murder was coming soon and everything would end. But just like Richard, I just... didn't care in the moment.

The country house section to me was somehow a snippet into what could have been if they never murdered Bunny- or even before, if they never had the Bacchanal at all. Could things have gone wrong at some point still, for whatever other reason? Probably yes. Maybe they weren't meant to last anyways, maybe they weren't even friends in the first place, everyone has their own thoughts about this. But it's sweet to think about. Now knowing the whole story and how terrible the situation actually got makes those pages even more painful. Those really were their happiest times.

Also I could talk about Camilla cutting her foot too but that's maybe another post for another day before this becomes way too long lol.

Also also the cherry on top for me was definitely that last couple of lines which got to me HARD and make my heart ache still:

There was a ragged burst of laughter; faint, but clear, it floated back across the evening air. That laughter haunts me still.

[soap143]

hiiiiii I was wondering if you would want to write about lee! hyunjin? maybe something similar the chan story but hyunjin has to paint while tickled or there's a belt that's ticklish which he has to wear while dancing??

if you don't want to you don't have to write it :)))

thank youuuu

AAAAH I love this idea! I hope you won’t mind that I wrote this for the “Eye for an eye” series. I just think this concept really fits in here. Happy reading! (just a quick lil reminder that you should read Challenge before or after this fic)

•• ━━━━━━━ •• ❖ •• ━━━━━━━ ••

Eye for an eye

pt. 2

lee!hyunjin

ler!chan

•• ━━━━━━━ •• ❖ •• ━━━━━━━ ••

Ever since Chan had gotten revenge on the first kid, the rest had been avoiding him in fear of being mercilessly wrecked. Minho, being the amazing lee he was, ratted out the leader’s plan immediately, causing everyone to never let their guard down.

However, this evening he was completely alone with Hyunjin in the dorm. Changbin and Han convinced Chan to stay home while they finish up all the work. The oldest smirked, plotting his sweet revenge…

He thought that Hyunjin was scrolling on social media or wasting his precious free evening doing something useless, but was pleasantly surprised to see the exact opposite “Woah, you’re… painting? Should I-” the kangaroo’s sentence was cut short as Jinnie groaned, throwing his head back in annoyance “Can you please leave? I’m really focused on finishing this painting. I’ll post it on instagram later for STAY to see.”

“God forbid me from disturbing you, my prince! Don’t you remember what you and the kids did to me last week? I thought Lee Know had told you.” Chan mocked, inching closer to his future victim.

“Haha, very funny. You can’t tickle me now. The paint. It’s gonna get everywhere. You’re gonna ruin my painting. I’ll die.” Hyunjin brainstormed ramdom ideas to get his hyung away from his ticklish self.

The aussie nonchalantly grabbed an empty canvas and a chair, walking towards the ferret. He placed the chair behind the painter and the canvas in front, replacing the unfinished painting with it.

“I think STAY would love to see how to paint a simple auto portrait… While being tickled.” the shorter stated, wrapping his fingers around Jinnie’s sides, not doing anything yet.

Hyunjin gulped, dipping his dirty paintbrush into a cup, filled with water. Then, he patted it dry onto a piece of paper. Lastly, he proceeded to grab quite a generous amount of paint onto his brush.

For STAY…

He started slowly with his face. It was just a simple little sketch, nothing too important anyway, so he didn’t really care about proportions. He was about to get tickled, so it would surely get ruined anyway.

As he was finishing up his chin and starting on the jaw, he felt a quick jab on his side, causing him to jerk the opposite way “Yah! Thankfully, the brush wasn’t on the canvas… I almost ruined it because of you!” Hyunjin whined.

The person responsable for the tall boy’s screams just snickered, poking him once again.The artists tried to protect his sensitive torso with one hand and paint with the other.

As Jinnie hurriedly drew the ears, Chan properly dug into the vulnerable spot, making Hyunjin flinch harshly “CHAN! Now you’ve ruined it! Do you see this big, dark line? That’s your fault!” the ferret dramatically gasped, repeatedly pointing at the horrible mistake.

“Excuse me? Chan? It’s hyung to you!” the shorter pointed out, shoving his wiggly fingers under the younger’s arms “YAHAHAHAHA STOHOHOHOHOP! IHIHI MUHUHUHUHUHST FIHIHIHIHIHINISH THIHIHIHIHS HAHAHAHA!” the tallest member in Stray Kids yelped, twisting side to side.

To his disadvantage, the aussie wasn’t in the mood to show any mercy “Remeber how you tickled me without letting me sing those beutiful lyrics out? I was dying, yet none of you stopped for even a minute to let me push those words out. Have a taste of your own medicine, Jinnie. Eye for an eye…” Chan ranted, drilling in between the long haired boy’s ribs.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA PLEHEHEHEHEASE, IHIHIHIHI REHEHEHEHEALY HAHAHAHAVE TOHOHOHOHO- NOHOHOHOHO!” the talented painter tried to squeak his sentence out, only to be cut off by his own crazy cackles “Get to drawing, I really wanna see that beutiful result of your talent~” the kangaroo teased, mocking the way Hyunjin and kids tormented him.

The ferret quickly grabbed the paintbrush, splashing some abstract stains of paint, trying to resemble his hair “Wow, are those your beutiful locks of hair?” the older teasingly questioned the colourful puddles.

“IHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI CAHAHAHHAHAN’T- UGH! STOHOHOHOHOP, YOUHUHUH’RE ANOHOHOHOHOHYING!” the dancer tried to argue with the older, but was far too ticklish for that “Where are those beutiful eyes of yours? And your neck? I think you should draw yourself wearing a beutiful polo-shirt.” Chan suggested, squeezing his lee’s lower back.

Hyunjin went bonkers when the chosen spot was mercilessly attacked. In fact, he even got some paint on his face.

In a desperate act, he snatched his painting tool and smuthered his not-so-empty canvas in random strokes. Most of them were unsuccessful, landing nowhere near the face. He tried once more, this time making them look somewhat close to a nose, eye and a singular eyebrow.

“You’re doing great! Just finish up the other half of the face and you’ll be done!” Channie commented, grabbing the top of the dancer’s thighs and pushing his fingers rapidly in and out of the flesh. The worst part: one hand was being so painfully gentle and the other seemed to be melting into the ticklish skin with its aggressiveness.

“OHOHOHOHOHOHOHOK O-OHOHOK IHIHIHIHIHI’M DO-DOHOHOHOHONE!” the younger announced “Nu-uh. The head, it’s floating. You better add a neck before it falls to the ground!”

The painting in question was full of uneven lines, some of them not even properly connecting. Hyunjin’s supposed face was half empty. Not to mention that it was covered in zig-zaggy strokes, most of which went over the line that separated the visage from the backround. The backround in question was covered with those exact same abstract, uneven strokes, lines and stains of paint.

Both of the boys stopped to admire their work. It seemed so… Modern “Look at what we’ve created…” Chan dramatically sighed in admiration “Excuse me? Who’s we? This is all my job!” Hyunjin tried to protest, only to be lowered back down by a few pokes to the side.

“STAY is gonna love this!” the aussie exclaimed, suddenly taking out his phone and stopping the video recording “YOU FILMED THAT?!” the artist roared “You filmed me! And posted it. This is called revenge!” the leader snickered, running away to hide into the safety of his room, before the taller boy could catch up.

That very same evening, Hyunjin’s instagram account was updated with two posts. One with the original painting he was working on, and the other painting: which his oldest hyung helped him make…

•• ━━━━━━━ •• ❖ •• ━━━━━━━ ••

Hope you enjoyed! Do you guys like this series and concept? Me personally, I love these shorter fics. Can’t wait to write more. Have a good day/night!❤️🙂

[piratefalls]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @ninzied! thank you friend!

How many works do you have on ao3?

40!

What's your total ao3 word count?

169,903, which is a shock to me because it really doesn't feel like that much.

What fandoms do you write for?

previously teen wolf/sterek and hawaii five-0/mcdanno, currently taking my first stab at rwrb/firstprince

Top five fics by kudos:

(Waiting) Until the Sky Falls Down on Me (sterek)

Today and Every Day (sterek)

I'm Gonna Give All My Secrets Away (stanny)

Man, Interrupted (sterek)

it's my (pants) party and i'll cry if i want to (sterek)

Do you respond to comments?

i do my best! sometimes i'm terrible at it, but i try!

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really do angsty endings! I'm a HEA kinda girl.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

probably either Today and Every Day or it's like taking a guess when the only answer is yes because they both end in proposals lol

Do you get hate on fics?

never hate, but i've had a comment here and there that wasn't necessarily appreciated

Do you write smut?

not really anymore. i got myself to do it because it felt like the only thing that got traction and maybe if that was good enough it'd be a gateway to the stuff i enjoyed writing (and, frankly, stuff i spent far more time on). and i don't think i'm particularly good at smut anyway lol. but if given the choice between smut or funny/introspective i'm gonna go with the latter every time.

Craziest crossover:

I haven't done a crossover!

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

so idk who remembers this but a while ago there were people who would post people's fics to Goodreads and one of mine wound up there and those reviews hurt my feelings enough that i quit writing for a while after.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

not to my knowledge!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

haven't, but i think it could be fun with the right partner!

All time favorite ship?

this is an impossible question and i can't choose. i love them all equally, just for different reasons.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

good lord my person of interest post-canon fic. will anyone read it? very unlikely. is it the principle of the thing? yes.

What are your writing strengths?

i genuinely have no idea. i've never given it any real thought. i mean, the build of what i write is some form of introspection mixed with humor, so probably those things.

What are your writing weaknesses?

plot and world building. i'm useless at it, for the most part. and like i said above, i don't think i'm great at smut. it's passable at best.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

i love it. though i do miss the days when people regularly utilized that hover function that would show the translation if you left your mouse over the phrase for a few seconds. way better than having to scroll down to the notes for the translation.

First fandom you wrote in?

teen wolf. much simpler times.

Favorite fic you've written?

I don't have a single favorite so I'm gonna go with a few for different reasons

humor: Got Your Body On My Mind (I Want it Bad) - mcdanno & co get sent to a sexual harassment training seminar. chaos ensues.

character analysis: Written in the Scars on Our Hearts - steve mcgarrett and all the ways a person can be touched and the

most cathartic: & lift him back up again - working through my own grief by making a character sad

crack, my beloved: it's my (pants) party and i'll cry if i want to - every time stiles orgasms his dick sounds like a party horn. there's glitter come. i might have been hammered.

tagging @wellhalesbells @priincebutt + i feel like doing an open tag for anyone who wants to share what they love about their work!

[the-invisible-queer]

I feel like this is gonna make me sound both like a know-it-all nitpicking you and an insane weirdo who was way too invested in the relationship of two teenagers I don't know but. As someone who literally hyperfixated on both Nick and Miley for basically all of my formative years, and as a result just permanently has an encyclopedia's worth of useless information about their teenage selves stored in my brain even though both fixations died off years ago and I barely pay attention to either of them now, some parts of your post about them are simply killing me and I HAVE to correct and expand on it or I'll explode lol, I'm sorry it's nothing personal:

Kevin misspoke in the doc; the Hannah Montana episode wasn't when they met, they were already dating by then. They met at a charity event on June 11, 2006 according to Miley's book, with Nick also eventually calling June 11 their anniversary in Wedding Bells. IIRC Miley said in the book that Hannah Montana had only been airing for a few months when they met and the boys hadn't really done much of anything with Disney yet, which would definitely indicate emotions happening before any publicity did.

(There's also a very funny/interesting/wtf piece of lore re: this date from yearrrrrs later where Miley either mixed up the dates herself or tried to retcon her own life and gaslight everyone about public information by claiming on Twitter that June 11 was her anniversary with Liam, then deleted it, then announced her divorce very shortly after. That's not really directly related to anything we're discussing here but it was such a bizarre thing to watch happen in real time that it almost dragged me back into the fixation again as a grown ass adult, so I felt compelled to bring it up anyway lmao.)

A LOT of the og Niley Lore came from Miles to Go, where Miley dedicated an entire chapter to Nick (called "Prince Charming" in the book) and their relationship. I don't remember every detail anymore but she definitely said they clicked instantly, became boyfriend and girlfriend the day they met, and stayed up talking on the phone until like 4 a.m. that night, all of which backs up what Kevin said about love at first sight. She also explicitly said in the book that they truly loved each other and had a serious relationship despite how young they were.

A lotttttt of JB songs, especially but not exclusively the ones from the mid-to-late 2000s, are thought to be about Miley and some are very obvious if you know The Lore, but the only ones I know were ever explicitly confirmed besides the ones you mentioned are Sorry, Can't Have You and, of course, Before the Storm. The "hugs are overrated" part of SOS is sometimes thought to be a reference to the day they met, where according to Miley's book he tried to shake her hand and she told him she only did hugs, but I've always assumed that was probably just a coincidence since it seems like logistically it must have been written before they broke up and that would be a weirdly snarky line to write about your current girlfriend. Burnin' Up is also very very heavily thought to have been inspired by Miley, specifically by her look at the 2007 AMAs, which you can Google if you're interested enough; I do believe this one, which makes Selena's appearance in that specific music video much, much funnier.

Essentially all of Miley's earlier Miley songs (as opposed to Hannah ones) are also either confirmed or commonly thought to be about Nick. Also possibly of note is that some of Demi's early songs are also rumored to have a lot of Miley inspiration in them due to Nick co-writing them, which is simply amusing to me, especially considering the chances that at least one song probably ended up being partially about Nick's ex and partially about his brother. I never fixated on Demi or her music as hard as I did on these two though, so I no longer remember which specific songs were implicated here.

Nick confirmed Wedding Bells in his 'answering Google's most searched questions' video, where you could tell even he was thinking "who tf else did y'all think that one could have been about" lmao.

The messy little ping pong game Nick played between Miley and Selena for a while was definitely confirmed; I don't remember if any of them ever explicitly acknowledged it (outside of lyrics like "you love me, you like her" from 7 Things which...damn girl scalp him again), but to me and the other hyperfixated kids following along at the time, the dates alone made it obvious lol. He first got with Selena after the first time he and Miley broke up and then repeated that exact pattern at least two more times over the next few years, rarely being single for any significant length of time at all in between. Baby fuckboi behavior.

In conclusion, both of them have been pretty clear and consistent over the years that the emotions of it all came first and were very real, even if Disney may have capitalized on those emotions for publicity purposes. My specific examples are fuzzy since the fixations were dead by then but I know both of them have described the other as their first love and first heartbreak well into adulthood, including as recently as I think last year for Miley (where she revealed that the first time they broke up she asked if she could give him a hug goodbye and he said no, which is lowkey hilarious even though it makes baby Nick sound like a douche - although knowing his sensitive ass he was probably just afraid he'd start sobbing or something if she hugged him lol).

The only non-Niley piece of input I have to add is that in recent years Miley has definitely expressed negative and complicated emotions about starting her career so young, not in the sense that she didn't actually want it at the time but in the sense that like...children often want to do things that wouldn't be good for them or that they aren't capable of fully understanding the ramifications of, but that doesn't mean their parents should allow them to do those things or that they'll appreciate having been allowed to do those things when they look back as an adult. I don't know a ton about her feelings on it since again, I don't actively follow her anymore and only really see what comes across my feed, but it seems like it was definitely much more complicated than "her dad sold her to Disney Channel" or "she wasn't forced into it so it was fine." For the record I've often wondered if any of the Jonas boys have similar emotions about their young stardom, as most child stars seem to to some degree, but honestly feel like if they do we'll never ever hear about it; they just don't give me the vibe that they'd ever be comfortable talking about that publicly, especially if it involves any complex feelings towards their parents, who they seem to have much closer and healthier relationships with than Miley has with hers.

OKAY I'M DONE sorry that was a whole novel you didn't ask for but I literally have had all these stupid factoids about these two strangers just bouncing around in my head for like almost twenty years and almost never get the chance to put this wealth of knowledge to "use" anywhere, so on the rare occasions I can vomit all this up I kind of get carried away lmao whoops

BESTIE NEVER APOLOGIZE! Especially not when it comes to rambling about fixations. My blog is a safe space!

Though I wish you could add cuts in asks because RIP to everyone's dash I'll try to add tags so people with long posts blocked can ignore.

I'll be the first one to admit my fuck up with Jonas lore. Deadass don't remember anything Miley wrote in her book about Nick and I read Miles to Go twice but I have the memory of a twig.

I can't even remember what I was doing 5min ago - no joke.

Also my timeliness are SO fucking hazy - it's the trauma - because I'm learning shit I thought happened with JB in 2011 happened in 2009.

I am not the most reliable source.

Also I didn't care about Nick much back then. That's from when he was my least favorite (derogatory).

Thank you for illuminating us on the subject! I actually did learn a lot from that.

[sendmyresignation]

loooove reading your musings about different music scenes. i feel like you offer a really good insight and perspective i haven't read before, is there something you're working on related to riot grrrl?

omg thank you so much! im glad my rambling makes some sort of sense :)

but, as far as a larger project, that's kinda a funny story lmao. technically, no but tangentially yes i'm working on something riot grrl related. so last summer when where are your boys tonight was released I kept being frustrated by this common rhetorical thread in written reviews talking about the book and emo and payne's focuses; most of the articles would link Jessica Hopper's 2003 piece Emo: Where the Women Aren't. which is fine- its a good zine piece! but i felt like (1) that was as far a people would engage with the topic of women in the scene- linking a decades old, deeply personal story of isolation and NOT ENGAGING WITH IT AT ALL they'd be like "cool knocked talk about emo's misogyny in vague terms off the checklist, moving on" and (2) um there were a lot of women mentioned and interviewed for payne's oral history, they were just photographers! record label employees! and, very tellingly imo, non-frontwomen. and to meeee that felt emblematic of this belief that somehow hayley williams was like the first woman involved in third wave emo- she broke some kind of glass ceiling. and like obv, on a public facing level her involvement is incredibly important but! that's just not true lmao, esp when we talk about the underground. esp when we talk about women who were drummers, guitarists, keyboardists, ect ect- most people when they listen to a band automatically assume, unless the vocalist is a woman, that the band is all dudes. like thats just the reality. so anyway, in an effort to challenge this idea that women weren't involved i started building an archive of like, every band i could find post-rev summer with a woman in the band (or as a featured performer. or a live touring musician) as like, literal proof.

but, so the reason im reading abt riot grrl lmao- jessica hopper (whose work ive tried to engage with outside of one like 3 page article she wrote in 2003) was a riot grrl and, honestly, the riot grrl "canon" of musicians has, i think, affected our retrospective understanding of women in music (positively and negatively). so im trying to actually read more about that perspective and history. which is fun! i like a lot of these bands. sometimes. and riot grrl has a huge dc connection, which is also significant when you think about post rev summer punk music and the shape of post-hardcore (ive seen people argue that riot grrl is its own arm of post-hardcore which i do kinda vibe with- but post genres are notoriously vague and a little useless so idk!) anyway long story short im researching :)

[hanzajesthanza]

by the way, i wanted to thank everybody for so many kind, encouraging, and thoughtful responses to my first video. (slight vent post :>)

it did indeed take a lot of work and a lot out of me, a lot of research, multiple stupid all-nighters… but as unhealthy as it was, it was actually really good for me, i think. it was a real experiment, i honestly haven’t worked so hard on something since my thesis to graduate last year.

i felt cathartic, that i had it in me to make something like this, that i’m not useless…

i mean, i know i’m not, but ever since graduation i’ve felt so, so burned out and as a result of that, just, stupid and inexperienced compared to everyone else in my field, socially isolated, agoraphobic, even, in some cases.

(i’m one of those people that worked really hard in high school and college, and now that i’ve graduated it’s like, who am i? what is my purpose? what is my value? add burnout to that, and you have a year of feeling guilty that i’m not killing myself constantly with projects.)

so to be able to actually fucking make something that not only took a lot of work, but had me constantly pushing my comfort zone, reorganizing my space (physically and digitally) and just trying my hardest to get it done… on top of it, being really, really be passionate about what i was working on… it feels like…

it feels like, if a close friend of yours died a year ago… and you went numb with mourning… but then you just got news that they’re alive…

but the thing is, that friend is you.

it’s funny how dramatic i’m being, because i actually decided today that i don’t like the video much, and that it’s not very well-produced. (it only took me two-to-four days to start hating my artwork, of course. well, i had a good time being proud of myself while it lasted).

it’s something along the lines of calanthe’s “i hope my outburst didn’t offend you. the form, not the content.” i hope this video didn’t offend you—the form, not the content. i’m secure in the content, the research. but the form… again, like calanthe’s, very ‘in the moment.’

i woke up this morning really mad at myself for making some creative decisions that i feel cheapen the whole thing. (i don’t know what posessed me to use my accent color for a background color, it makes the whole thing look gaudy and unprofessional. i guess i just didn’t want a boring white background, but ugh… that is going to be on my list of regrets for a while).

but i placated myself knowing that the video does its job as a biography and a source of information. and the fact that youtubers sometimes remake their first videos later in their careers. (well, at least my first video is a topic that will never go out of style, it’s an essential, expository, evergreen topic of interest). and that i will make more videos, improving one thing at a time. one thing at a time. slow steps to progress.

i want to make engaging videos, but it’s really difficult because i don’t think i have a very engaging personality… it’s very “book report”-ish at the moment, lmao, i’d like to be myself. if i know who that person is.

i had a ton of anxiety about how i would be judged or what if i got it entirely wrong… (i rerecorded some parts due to this and i think that may have been a bad decision, because the cuts sound terrible, but anyways). but everyone was so encouraging and just had such a warmhearted reception to it, i don’t think i expected that. i expected mean comments for some reason, idk lol. i also expected way more pushback and cringe because i was talking about sapkowski (who, as we all know, is not very popular, for some reasons more valid than others). so i honestly have no idea where the positivity came from, except your own good souls and goodwill towards me, which is astounding, so thank you.

i want to make more videos and improve. and grow the channel, so it can serve people who are interested in the books. the books deserve something of their own, their own space. i know they’ve had their own space for as long as they’ve existed, but this would be my space for them. if that makes sense. i’m carving out an intentional space for the witcher books, slowly but surely, it will get there with time.

at the same time, i have to balance this with real life. ugh, real life. i might have serious committments this week, but i have no idea... the exact details yet. essentially, committments that may eat up all my time to the point where i’ll have no time for this large crazy video experiment after all.

my name, nimue, is… an emanation of myself. like krzysztof’s katarzyna. a poet’s name.

my person that exists within book pages, the mind, and the web. but not in real life. or rather, not yet in real life. i think they’re stuck somewhere between the screen and the floor.

i’d like to bring them to life, soon. but it will take time, work. i have no idea if i’ll have that kind of time soon. i have no idea what adulthood brings me in terms of commitments. it hurts me to abandon nimue like this. for once, i was able to bargain something for them, release myself, give into the creative flow. i spent a week being them, i think that’s the longest nimue has ever existed in the real world. and now… i have to jump back into my ‘real’ self again. “no fun allowed.” damn it. and i had just tasted that freedom, that creation.

all i know is that i can’t let them die. though i think they’re immortal inside me, after all. and perhaps one day we’ll become the same person. it could happen!

[kyogre-blue]

White Clouds done for the first time. It took almost exactly 30 hours, whew.

I slowed down a bit toward the end because I started talking to every student in my class after Jeralt's death. They don't generally have much interesting to say, but I've hit the majority of available B ranks, so they've grown on me.

So, first, about this specific section. The escalation pace felt a bit fast though not necessarily in a bad way. It's just that the rest of the year had drip fed relevant info at such a comparatively slow rate that the last few month felt kinda crazy. Crazy villagers! Students turning into monsters! Jeralt dies! Byleth almost dies and merges with Sothis! Edelgard is the Flame Emperor and invading now! Bam, timeskip.

I think there is something to be said about this kind of pre-war period to help build up the characters and relationships before we get to the juicy part, but 30 hours of doing what I'd consider a fairly average amount of stuff is kind of a lot to hit what would be the inciting incident of older FE games. The calendar did not help with the pacing issues for sure.

Aside from that, I think we've gotten all the Byleth-related lore we're gonna get for a good while, and I spent a fair amount of time trying to ponder out what Rhea thinks is going on and what she wants to happen to Byleth. She talks about Byleth regaining their lost memories, which makes it seem like she considers them to be amnesiac Sothis, but she also refers to them as a vessel that will become one with the power within them, thus resurrecting Sothis...? It's really unclear what she thinks of the current Byleth, what she thinks will happen concretely, and how this would affect Byleth as an individual.

However, all this discussion only takes place AFTER Solon, so Sothis and Byleth have already merged. Byleth not only came out on top (albeit presumably based on Sothis's decision that it be so), but the first thing post timeskip text scroll is Sothis talking to you again, so it seems like the merger aspect might not even be the end of the subsumed personality.

The main point being, Byleth is not really in danger from anything except Rhea potentially reacting badly if we reveal that Sothis is gone. And since her actual aims are so unclear, it's hard to feel any particular concern or unease at that point. As a budding Rhea apologist, I wish we could had had more elaboration on this storyline.

As for White Clouds as a whole...

The pacing really is a mess. And while playing through once can be considered a reasonable experience, I do not enjoy the idea of doing it every single branch, especially with how little variation there seems to be. Up until Remire or so, what would even be different except the supports? And since you can recruit anyway.... Not great, to put it mildly.

It's unfortunate, because I think the calendar and monastery base could be have provided very good worldbuilding and immersion, but they just did not have enough put into them, whether because the developers did not understand how to use them, did not focus on this aspect enough, or did not have the time/budget to realize their vision. The calendar is very poorly laid out and too bare aside from repetitive grinding in the middle of the month, the explorable areas do not change according to seasons, making the calendar feel tacked on, etc. Just a lot of presentational shortcomings.

Liveblogging notes:

Kinda forgor what happened since Jeralt bit it because I took a few days break.

Well, regardless of the mission I forgot, I do recall Kronya got offed by her own ally, which was funny but kind of useless? I didn't really feel anything.

And then Solon had Byleth "swallowed by the mystical darkness of a forbidden spell." I guess if you can't deal with a problem (the protagonist), just yeet them into the void.

Lysithea shows no particular reaction to Solon, and neither does Flayn. I guess they're speaking generic lines here, which can go to practically any team member who is still alive to say them.

Everyone quite underreacts to the situation tbh. Claude's canned animations are very funny to see here.

Sothis speculates that Byleth was emotionless because of her. Presumably because she was still asleep until the start of the game, so Byleth, who is connected to her, was not entirely "awake" either?

It's kind of funny that Sothis calls herself a progenitor god but also the one who watches over Fodlan and all its creatures. But this world explicitly has more than just Fodlan. There's Almyra and other lands as well... Usually, the FE games are on separated continents specifically to avoid these questions.

The stuff Sothis says about needing to relinquish her power to you because she doesn't have a body... doesn't she directly possess Byleth in Hopes?

Sothis's soul with join with Byleth's, which I guess means Byleth does have their own soul.

The visuals somehow... feel so dated, it's weird.

Solon seems to not have realized that Byleth IS Sothis before this.

Seteth snuck a peak at Jeralt's diary too?? man, no privacy or respect for the dead. Interesting that Seteth has been so unsettled by Rhea's shenanigans that he's gone behind her back to investigate.

Rhea seems to think Sothis will revive through you for reals?

The monastery was built over the Holy Tomb, where Sothis sleeps... so they left her sleeping a ways from Zanado, where they lived, which is interesting.

This entire scene is hilarious if you know everyone's identities. Rhea is spouting pure nonsense about Seiros while being Seiros, and Seteth who knows all this and is in full doubt mode still has to go along with it.

Claude just directly eavesdrops on your meeting with Rhea? lmao

According to Cyril, Almyra is all plains and sky. Also has a city.

Ignatz just casually goes "let's go to Almyra after the war :D" Which is... Uh. Interesting that this doesn't present any travel concerns, but also what war

Imperial Army invades the Holy Tomb, wanting to take the Crest Stones there... But whose crest stones are they? I think dragons can traditionally create more than one dragonstone, but I'm not sure how crest stones function. I'm asking because it's unclear how many dragons there actually were. We have murals with the 10-something that have specific crests (who do not otherwise belong to any unified group, btw), but those crest stones would largely be accounted for, so were there other dragons too?

Also, not entirely sure what Rhea was expecting to happen. It doesn't seem like she directly expects you to get replaced by Sothis? My best guess is she expects Sothis to awaken (memories intact) and speak to you, but she doesn't know amnesia Sothis was already awake and is now gone...?

Suddenly, Edelgard

Edelgard's big invasion speech is hilariously propaganda. Ah yeah, Seteth and Rhea sure do want rule the world. Seteth is a grumpy but well meaning man, and Rhea has consistently cared about misuse of Relics/Crest Stones and Byleth and.... basically nothing else.

Also, this is not a subtle game. They want you to know Tomas is sus? Boy, they will make sure you know it. So Edelgard going "they divided the Kingdom and the Alliance from the Empire" "they live in extravagance by exploiting the masses"... NONE of this has ever been even slightly supported. There's nothing particularly extravagant about the monastery, and we have never even heard of people paying tithe. And while the Kingdom and Alliance history was mentioned somewhere, the Church was never brought up in association.

No one among the Deer students has anything to say about Edelgard's speech, just concern about this being a war. There's not even a hint that anyone thinks she's right lol

Seteth directly says that Edelgard is out to conquer the continent. His first thought after confirmation of the invasion is to have the surrounding villages evacuate.

OK, Rhea thinks Byleth's "lost memories" are beginning to return and that they've guessed "the truth of who they are." She says she has acted as "the proxy" for "Byleth." But to Seteth, she describes Byleth as a "vessel" and in time, the vessel will become one with the power within, at which point the progenitor god will return to this world. It's not entirely clear what she thinks of Byleth as an individual. She asks Seteth to "help our friend and in doing so, help her." So Byleth is a friend, but... they mention stuff like Flayn owing her life to Byleth and that Byleth may prove to be "their brethren"... Really hard to parse what they think is going to happen, specifically.

But since Sothis has already merged with Byleth and Byleth is obviously fine, there's not really anything to fear from this. It can't really read as ominous when the merging has already happened lol Edelgard supposedly spent the entire year gathering her forces at the monastery, speaking them in disguised as merchants and pilgrims.

Funny how all the Empire students are chilling at the monastery, telling us how their fathers and such are supporting Edelgard. Good thing we're too nice to take them hostage or something.

Sitri 1139 - 1159, Jeralt ?? - 1180. I guess we're in 1181 now...? Hang on, it's the 3rd month. Holy Tomb was 2nd month. Sothis merger would have been first month. So Jeralt death was 12th month of previous year, right?

It's cute how Claude says he'll always be on Byleth's side. Tbh I think the story would benefit from being able to highlight his ride or die side more. But since Byleth has very little direction in their own story, it ends up being more about Claude's ambitions.

Who the heck are Randolph and Ladislava

This music is very cool tho

The monastery walls are hella tall? Wow

I'm not sure what to make of this angle of Rhea leaving the monastery and the Church to Byleth.

Rhea just body slams the invading army.

The masked black beasts are creepy. Masks are a control mechanism, I suppose.

Byleth gets bodied by Thales lol. Where did this pit even come from

And that's that! The Unification of Fodlan has begun.

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

I had intended to post photos from the convention tonight, but honestly I am as too depressed.

To be clear, this was NOT the fault of the convention. It’s a lovely convention full of enthusiastic and friendly people. I’m sure the majority will remember it joyously, as they should.

Now I did go into the convention with several disadvantages. On top of the lack of sleep, the trip began with a flat tire! (What is it with me going to this convention and flat tires?!?!) My money situation was worse than I’d expected and I couldn’t get my blasted ankle brace and boots on without agony.

At the convention I had an extreme excess of pain and serious lack of funds, neither of which makes for a ton of fun when you are spending seven hours walking around in a room full of people selling very nice things they’ve frequently put their heart and souls into. I was walking about with my sleep deprived brain only able to focus on PAIN.

See, my nature is to wander around chatting with everyone I can. I then divide up what money I have and buy some little things from as many people as I can. The more love and enthusiasm they have, the less I worry about whether it’s my thing. Over the years I’ve bought a lot of really bad comics from people I want to encourage to keep creating.

This year I just didn’t have it in me. I didn’t have the energy. I especially didn’t have the money.

When I did I talked the pain was screeching away in the background. And when folks found out I was too broke to spend, they naturally would lose interest in chatting. Sometimes it wasn’t even about the money when they would turn away as I was mid sentence.

The problem is me. Boring, useless, broke me. I’m not interesting or funny or whatever it is people like. I can’t even plug into any fandom deeply enough to be embraced. I like geeky, nerdy stuff, but I don’t have a single passion.

In the past I have been better at this. Maybe it’s like when people starve for weeks they can’t launch into a four course meal. Their bodies can’t take it. I’ve finally gone too long on my, too little human connection. I’ve starved for people, and when thrown into a room of them I’m a wreck.

I dunno. A room full of people, and everyone either with or meeting up with someone. Families. Friends. It reminds me of my being alone.

I did try to call Mom at the con. I struggled to find a place away from all the noise, but it didn’t matter. I couldn’t get her.

Somehow I just felt like such a damn freak. I wanted to feel a sense of belonging, amid folks that actually know the things I enjoy and many that actually make things. But even among geeks I’m a weirdo in so many ways. I won’t make a list. I’m too tired and sad. No point in dwelling on it. I belong nowhere. That’s just the nature of being me.

The trouble is a part of me lives in hope. I hope that this time someone will like me. This time I will make a friend. I will find some sense of connection, of belonging, a break from my isolation….

A bit much to ask of just seven hours wandering around a convention center full of strangers. I’m not special enough to pull that off. Weird, odd, but not appealing.

Again, just the nature of being me. All these decades it shouldn’t bother me. It bothers me

On a minor note about the con, my concern my Discworld shirt would inspire people to expect me to know about the subject proved utterly unfounded. I had several people ask me what the shirt was about, never having heard of Discworld or Terry Pratchett. If anyone knew they didn’t say anything. It’s a rather obscure fandom in these parts.

Anyway, this is too long a vent. The con is over for another year. I’m depressed and lonely and am feeling a sense of despair.

The central point is simply I am doomed to be an outsider. I feel a bit like someone that put their hand out as they were falling and failed to catch anything. Maybe I need to finally accept that there isn’t any point in trying anymore?

So back to another year of being alone in my hick town where not a damn person shares a single one of my interests, and 90% of my time is spent alone on the farm, in the woods or whatever.

Oh well. I’m not entirely alone. Maybe some of the animals sorta love me and I can “make friends” by sculpting them badly into being….

[llycaons]

ep43 (2/3): the most beautiful and emotionally evocative scene ever shot in the snow

there she is :( arguments about her consent to being married and t being imprisoned for her entire life aside, she doesn't wear a headband. I wonder how she felt to see her sons wear it

of course he did 🥺 mama's boy

I love lqr but he has no idea how to talk to children about death. useless idiot piece of crap guardian. your child is kneeling IN THE SNOW. don't reprimand him, EXPLAIN

but he's holding hands with lxc 🥺 anyway this imagery kills me

yeah this little moment makes me inordinately fond of lqr even though it's like the bare minimum and also not even that. I guess I didn't expect him to even do this

and THIS line? oof, what a powerful mental image. what powerful symbolism. I wish they'd been able to incorporate it into the show, but rest assured the fics have it covered.

...though not as thoroughly as you'd think

another piece of information that's given long after the fact, but still slots into what we know and enhances the character

I will complain about lwj being underdeveloped but through this episode alone it's clear that he's not poorly written. his backstory, choices, and role in the narrative all make sense, are really interesting and powerful, carry tremendous weight, and are endlessly compelling. I mean, if you like him. obviously. but he has a short yet rich personal history that provides perfect explanations for why he is the way he is, and his character development springboards off of his initial personality, values, and motivations. it's narrow in scope, but quite deep, which is a hell of a lot more than hua cheng got

people laughed at lxc for playing flute 'at awkward moments' but that is so rude and insensitive. he was playing a mourning song for his mother. idiots

this line confuses me a bit. doesn't lxc know how passionate and messy lwj is? does he really think his brother is icy after knowing him his entire life? maybe he's just commenting on how different people view lwj differently

ah the classic <3 wwx should probably drink less but I think if you told him to give up emperor's smile in any universe he's start crying. it's symbolic now

this scene hit me SO hard. lwj with his hair down all informal. wwx, now more aware of how much lwj has given up for him and how deeply he trusts him, coming in slowly to this domestic scene. he's blurry, his back is t the camera. he's the unknown element in a quiet and peaceful scene. and he enters warily, like a wild animal, which is funny because he's been less openly cautious in the past when he has less reason to trust lwj

I guess now...being that deeply trusted and cared for is intimidating. and wwx isn't very good with sincerity or vulnerability. it's easy to imagine his earlier carelessness was hiding a readiness to cut and run at any time, back when he wasn't sure what lwj was doing or why. but now....but now

well, he's still shy

this scene is so nice and peaceful. lwj pouring drinks, handing them over to wwx. really simple and comforting. wwx hasn't had a home in so long. that got me choked up. with what happened at koi tower and what he's just learned, it's sinking in. he's starting to really trust. and that's hard for someone with his history! I'm really proud of him!

literally some of the most gorgeous shots in the show. there's talking about his past, exploring it, what he wants to do moving forward

his bitterness, his rejection of the rest of the world. his loneliness and isolation

THIS shot. this is my favorite in the entire series. legendary. wwx on his own out in the cold, distancing himself once again, lwj staying behind near the shelter but not leaving him

sideways allusion to the novel canon, where he WAS responsible for all of that?

also a post I remember pointed out that he lowered the jar of ES after hearing wuji start, and they claimed like wwx stopped drinking so much bc he heard wuji, but that wasn't what happened. he had already taken a sip and he didn't stop at any point during this scene

lwj playing wuji again, telling him he's trusted, that lwj will always be with him, that there's a safe and warm shelter for him, that he's loved. and he doesn't go in quite yet. he still has some thinking to do. he didn't have much time, back in his old life. he avoided things that might have hurt him. he kept running

and that's why it's so rewarding to see him sit down and acknowledge his hurt, and his isolation. something something you don't realize how bad something is until you're relieved of it. now that he's in a safe place, wwx is able to process some of those feelings. maybe break down over them, though he doesn't in this scene. it's a start

I really love this entire scene, not just for being visially stunning and for allowing wwx a tiny bit of processing, but because it presents yet another microcosm of wwx and lwj's dynamic postcanon. wwx wary, wandering, exploring his feelings. lwj steady and warm and welcoming, keeping a place at the table for him when he's ready to come in, and reminding him he's still cared for. it's beautiful. it's exactly the kind of support I love about the relationship

oh yeah and the soulmate telepathy that never got explained

yesss they said soulmate!!!!

this line does confuse me a bit. I assume that lwj trusting in wwx = wwx having that clear conscience bc he trusts lwj to judge righteously, but in that case why is lwj the one to deliver this line?

his I'm sorry and thank you is very nice and I treasure it dearly, but almost nicer is this smile from him. just so much fondness and warmth in it. I wouldn't call it bedroom eyes, but I can tell why people do

we can very vaguely can see wwx doing SOMETHING as the camera pans away and it probably is him untying his sash or taking off his robe because I don't know what else would cause such a flurry of black material. again I don't think they did anything more this night (their dynamic is exactly the same the next morning, for one) but I can appreciate why people think they did

and on to part three! YOU KNOW WHO'S COMING!!!

[supercool-here]

I'm on strike because I don't want staff to change this hell site, but I needed to post this because where else can I talk about unimportant events of my life that just felt meaningful to me????

So I went out with my sister because she needed to go to the bank, and on the way there we ran into our aunt so we stopped to say hi, and while we were talking some people came out of the building my aunt's office is at, and one of them was this guy I know from school, and because my brain has fun storing random useless information and I have fun regurgitating it; that guy's name is Leo, he is a year younger than me, and we went to the same schools for elementary school and middle school, he is cute and I know/remember his name because he was popular. Back to the story, I saw him and looked away but noticed that he has grown up quite handsomely. Not that he wasn't handsome before, but since he's always been a year younger, he always seemed just "cute" to me, but now he is grown up and I wouldn't be able to tell he is a year younger than me because he does look my age and I appreciate his handsome. He totally grew up to his potential, put in very vain terms, and I apologize. Anyway, we parted from our aunt and resumed our way to the bank. We got there. My sister and I were talking about her day. And she indicated me to click "yes it's me" on the ATM but I didn't hear the first, nor the second time, and this is something that happens quite a lot with me, I have a hearing deficiency that I don't know to which body part pin, is it my ears? Is it my brain? Is it ADHD? We don't know! So my sister (a doctor, btw, the medicine kind) said to me, half jokingly, half seriously; maybe you're depressed, a lack of concentration is one of the first symptoms. But, before she had said that, almost a few seconds after I realized she had given me an instruction and I did not understand it, the guy, Leo, had entered the bank. The bank was empty except for the three of us, Leo, my sister and I. He took to an ATM near the entrance. And my sister's comment took place just as we were walking by Leo, making our way out of the bank. So he probably heard that I might be depressed. It's not embarrassing, and I did not reply in such a way that would indicate I was embarrassed. Except, when I thought about it, it did seem funny. He probably doesn't know me, let alone remember me. But to me, almost everything that happens in my life has to be part of the narrative, because I grew up watching TV and movies and reading books and I have this belief, ingrained in my head, that my life is a story, leading to something exciting, and therefore everything must amount to something, and everything must be compelling, everything must have a meaning, and everything must have a reason to be. So, in those terms, what had just happened was that me, a lame girl, had been seen at her poor-looking state, by a handsome younger former classmate, who also learned that she might be depressed. If I take off my "my life must follow a storyline to make sense and I'm guessing the plot" and put on my "objective reality" glasses, I realize that's not what happened. Things just happened and that's that. And I might need to see a therapist.