#anyway two months worth of drawings!! not much but honest work ^o^

[saintprivateer]

VW character designs for @shastafirecracker’s Trillium and Ivy, a modern au Trigun fic about a landscaping Vash and funeral director Nicholas! Something something the hardships of being dealt a bad hand in life and scraping all the love and peace you can get… but you’re in so much gay love so it’s all a little more bearable. c :

some close-ups under the cut!

[gaylienn]

February and March stuff

Ok so like the last two months I've been in an internship provided by the state or whatever, because I've been down with depression and I need to get up again or whatever. Doesn't matter, other than I just finished it and I'm going to miss the place, but for once I'm looking forward to the future! A few months ago I got an ask here asking me if I had a recommended tag, which I answered that no I don't, but always feel free to ask me about stuff, but now I've decided I wanna try to do one of those little blog like posts where I go through the media I've watched the past month and say a few words about it. I've never been good with words and analysis and shit, so it's not gonna be extremely... profound or whatever, but I'll just word vomit a bit. If anyone is interested in my thoughts and opinions on media, this is the place \o/ (I'll try to stay away from spoilers, but beware)

I'm doing February and March this time because I didn't consume that much in March

^ That's Cola, the cat from my internship :)

TV shows

So I just wanna warn yall that I've mostly (read only) been watching Korean dramas the past two months, but at least all the ones I'm going to talk about are on Netflix (at least here where I live)

All Of Us Are Dead

I love apocalypse stories, with or without zombies. There's something so interesting about human perseverance in the face of death and destruction that I just love. This show is about a zombie apocalypse outbreak on a high school, the school is the ground zero, and we follow a bunch of different high schoolers (and a few adults) dealing with the danger. I've seen people frustrated with various characters' actions in this show, but I personally really enjoyed the characters. They're clearly teenagers, and it's really hard to tell how people would react to or handle an event like this, so I usually enjoy most interpretations. Anyways, I really like this show too because it's relatively short, just 12 episodes long, and it wraps up its ending pretty satisfyingly in my opinion. It also focuses a lot on how the government and military handles the disaster, choosing who is worth saving and who isn't, something that's eerily familiar after two years of COVID pandemic... I'll recommend checking this show out if you're into zombie apocalypse media that focuses on the survivors especially. Also South Korea is just incredible with their zombie designs and acting.. man

Sweet Home

Okay, so I've had this show on my list for a long long time, but I've always kinda pushed it to the side because I didn't care much for the monster designs. And I still don't tbh. The show is based on a webtoon, and it's very obvious that it works really great as a comic, I think the monsters look way more interesting as drawings, than as CGI monsters. But still, I think they did well with what they had! And I didn't expect to like this show as much as I did to be honest. It's another Monster Apocalypse show, instead of zombies, people turn into various different monsters, and no one really knows why. We follow a group of mismatched people who are all stuck in the same apartment complex together after all hell breaks loose. We follow mostly Cha Hyun Soo (Song Kang) who pretty early one shows signs of turning into one of these monsters, but seems extraordinarily to be able to control it to some extend. There's this theme throughout the show of wanting to live, no matter what. Also each character is just interesting in their own way, showing all kinds of different viewpoints of life. Like varying ages and such (there are small kids, old people and anything in between.)

TW for some heavy themes like self-harm, suicide, abuse, alcoholism, bullying etc, take care of yourself first!

Kingdom

It's another fucking zombie show.. Would you believe it? Ok, Kingdom has been on my list for so long, and after the two previous shows, I was still on a zombie kick, so I finally watched it, and holy shit. This is so good. It's your "regular" zombie outbreak story, but this time it takes place in Korea during the 1500s (i think.) Already that makes it sound way more interesting and fresh! I gotta admit, I do not know that much about Korean history, so I can't speak much of that, but just based on what you're watching, it's working so well. The main character is the Crown Prince of Joseon (Korea) Lee Chang (Ju Ji Hoon), who under turmoil from a recent war, political conspiracy and the rumors of his father, the King's death, stumble across a plague of sorts, that seems to be resurrecting the death. Turns out, yeah, they're zombies. He allies with Seo Bi (Bae Doona), an assistant physician and Yeong Shin (Kim Sung Kyu), a young tiger hunter with a past. Both people were survivors from the "first" outbreak. It's a show filled with political intrigue, family matters and zombies, all in the beautiful backdrop of medieval Korea. The show has two seasons so far, I hope it gets another. It also has a prequel movie, called Kingdom: Ashin of the North, that I highly recommend checking out too. It's perfect to pick up after season 2's ending.

Juvenile Justice

Ok, so this one is a bit from left side. I don't mind law stories, and this was one was honestly okay. I'm at all not informed on South Korean law, but this show is apparently about a special law around juvenile criminals. The cases in themselves were honestly super interesting, what drives a child or a teenager to crime, and how each case is unique. I'm extremely bad at wording this, but it's just that my main issue with this show was the main characters. The juvenile judge Shim Eun Seok (Kim Hye Soo) who is very stern and hates juvenile criminals, and the compassionate judge Cha Tae Joo (Kim Moo Yeol) both seem like fun opposites, but I feel like they were just a bit too tropey for my liking. Like from almost the first episode it feels pretty obvious what both their pasts are, and it's not executed in the best way. Anyways, that's how I feel about them at least, but I kept watching for the kids to be honest.

TW for child abuse, sexual abuse, self-harm etc.

Film

Death on the Nile

I watched one movie in February, and it was this one. I went with my best friend to the cinema, we watched Murder on the Orient Express together too, so we've made it a tradition by now. Up front I gotta be real with you all, I have never read any of Agatha Christie's books (yet) or watched any of the older adaptions of her works, so I'm pretty blind and naive to these stories. I enjoyed Murder on the Orient Express, and I think Death on the Nile was just as entertaining. In case you don't know anything about this just like me (the sole other person in the world) this is a murder whodunnit story, from the POV of Hercule Poirot, a private detective or something. You know the type. He's invited by a friend of his that he runs into in Egypt, to a wedding of just the most peculiar couple. It's the perfect setting for social intrigue, and a murder :D

I can't say if it's worth it for fan of Hercule Poirot who already knows the story, but for someone like me who's going in entirely blind, it was very entertaining to follow along and try and figure out what happened! Also I'm curious to see where Kenneth Branagh is going with this seemingly connected story over the Poirot movies he's making.

Video Games

Elden Ring

Ok, so full disclosure, I haven't finished it yet. I know I'm getting relatively close to the ending, but I like to savoir these kinds of open world games. I decided to put it here because I have still used 110 hours on this game in March, so it deserves to be here. I haven't played any of the souls games before, only Bloodborne and Sekiro, both which are among my all time favourite games. The Dark Souls series hasn't spoken as much to me, because I'm a little tired of the medieval fantasy setting, so I was a little iffy about Elden Ring before it came out. Would I be able to enjoy it even if I hadn't played any of the souls games, would I like the setting which also seems to be medieval eurocentric fantasy? But fucking hell, this game is awesome. It's FromSoftware's first open world venture, and they delivered! I think an upgrade from some of the earlier FromSoft games, is the fact that you can run away. Sure you can do that too in the other games, but it's easier here, it's open world, if you're in a place you feel is too oppressive you can just go away.. Go somewhere else, explore that. I'm rambling a bit, anyways, I'm not entirely sure what's going on in the story, in true FromSoft style. Sekiro had a relatively straightforward story that you could follow somewhat, but my knowledge of Bloodborne's story is almost entirely thanks to this youtube video. So I hope that I'll get more informed on Elden Ring's story too sometime in the future :D

Gameplay is fun. Tough, but fun. It's an RPG so you can go in all sorts of directions, and personally I've ended up with two katanas, just hacking and slashing, and it works! The enemy designs are wild, interesting and fun! 10/10

Music

Idk music, idk how to talk about music, but I love listening to it, so I'll just list some of the music I've been listening to a lot the last couple months, in case you're interested.

Eve - Kaizin

Anything by Eve tbh

Woodkid - S16

JAURIM - 스물다섯, 스물하나

Bonus

I just wanna mention this here for fun, but I went to a fun escape room with my friends on my birthday, and it's only really relevant for people in Denmark, and specifically around Copenhagen, but if you're in a need of a fun escape room I really wanna recommend Midgaard Event's Downfall Spy Mission escape room, it was so much fun, and so much worth the money. It was well put together, the setting, the rooms, the acting, just all of it. Just be aware that you will need to crawl on all four at some point, just in case you got bad knees or something lmao

[smol-and-grumpy]

Sweet Relief

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean suffers a serious case of blue balls.

Warnings: Friends to lovers trope? Smut, hand job, masturbation, dirty talk, a hint of daddy kink, a little crack too

WC: 2255

A/N: This was written for @spnkinkbingo​​, filling out my ‘dirty talk’ square.

Dean’s hormones are all over the fucking place and he’s annoyed, to say the least. 

It has been what? Months. MONTHS! Since he got laid. And maybe, give or take, a week since he last had time to himself at all to rub himself off. For someone who gets it and does it regularly, it’s pure torture. He’s sure that if he doesn’t get a chance to get it out of his system any time soon, he’ll die of blue balls. They might burst into flames and fall off, maybe even explode in a thousand pieces and right about now, they feel like they weigh a goddamn ton. 

Okay, he might be exaggerating, but also he is kinda not. It’s hard to keep a straight head, to be honest.

Dean chuckles at the thought of dying of blue balls. Thinks that it’s most likely not the ending Chuck wrote for him. He also thinks that it would actually be fun to see Chuck throwing a tantrum because things don’t go his way, but Dean’s eyes widened in shock all of a sudden. What if it is the ending Chuck wrote out for him? Because yeah, Chuck’s a fucking pervert and Dean can’t really put it past him. 

“Dean?”

“Dean!”

Dean jerks from his daydream (daymare? What do you call when you have nightmares during the day anyway?), as an elbow nudges against his arm. 

“What!” It comes out of him, more annoyed than he intends to.

“Woah, grumpy much?” Y/N snorts beside him.

They are in a diner, having a feast after their latest monster of the week. Across from him were Sam and Eileen who act all lovey dovey and it makes Dean wanna throw up sometimes. Not that he’s not happy for Sammy but ugh, he could go with a little less PDA. At least they should consider his aching balls. It really wouldn’t be too much to ask for, would it?

“I need to pee,” Y/N says shamelessly, nudging him some more but he’s still too lost in thought, and his cock is on fucking half-mast. What’s with that thing anyway? He’s almost forty-fucking-one. It should not be doing all these kinda things, really.

Dean feels her lift herself up on her hands that are braced on the table and the seat, leveling up just high enough to place her leg on the other side of him and heaving herself over him. Her bottoms brush against his thighs and crotch in the process. 

“Woah, watch out, will ya?” Dean shouts grumpily. 

Being upset doesn’t help though. Doesn’t help that his dick stirs again, and there’s a breeze of her perfume that still lingers in the air, mixed with her sweat and musk. Dean’s head starts to spin. 

She rolls her eyes, while Sam sends him a glare. “Dude, she’s been asking you three times already, you wouldn’t even budge. What’s the matter with you?”

Dean doesn’t answer and keeps on eating the fries with a stern face. 

 ***

 Two more agonizing days had passed and every time Dean sat down and tried to ‘relax’ there was always something that required his attention. And all he wanted was to give attention to his fucking cock. 

Dean brings in the groceries, dropping the bags onto the counter. “You need any help?”

“Nah. Dinner’s in about two hours. Y/N is coming over later with her findings,” Sam answers as he walks around Eileen and the woman laughs while she deliberately blocks Sam’s way. 

Dean rolls his eyes, wants to get away from the cheesy couple, “K, I’ll be in my room.” 

Fucking finally.

 *

 “Dean?” 

“Dean,”

“Dean!” 

The door opens and Y/N bursts into his room. 

Dean’s instinct is to close the laptop but it was way out of reach from the position he’s in. 

The position being, Dean spread on his bed, his back leaning against the wall, and he’s bottomless, holding his hard cock in his hand. 

He’d rather his position being, somewhere in a hole on the floor with him burying himself as deep as he can go.

“Fuck,” Dean mutters under his breath, scrambles up quickly, and covers himself with a pillow. 

It’s silent between them. He can hear crickets chirping in his mind.

Well, silent, except from the moans of a girl screaming Please, harder. Fuck me harder!

“‘M sorry,” She says, and Dean can see that her cheeks are flush, “I knocked and I called and you didn’t answer, so I thought something terrible must have happened.”

“It’s okay,” He mumbles, “Can you leave me alone now?”

“Were you,” She points with her index finger up and down. 

“Duh, what did it look like?” He snarls.

She grins and closes the door before she walks towards the bed, “Want me to help?” 

“Well…” Dean huffs, “Yeah, but,” He feels nervous, “But why?” 

He’s not gonna lie, a little help would be great. 

“Because something came up and we need to leave soon. Maybe if I help it’ll be faster?” She was sitting down on the bed next to him now and Dean’s can’t explain why his dick’s still so hard even after the interruption. 

“Come on big guy, move a little, let me get behind you.” 

Dean’s eyebrows climb up his forehead.

“Just do what I say, can ya?” Y/N chuckles.

“Alright, alright!” He moves down the bed a little. The laptop is now closer and he reaches over in order to close it. 

“No, leave it. It helps me too.”

Y/N stands up and takes off her shirt, losing the bra next and Dean can't believe his eyes. He’s not going to lie, he always thought that she was cute. Always wondered what’s underneath the layer of clothing, wondered how sweet she must taste, how he could make her call his name in ecstasy. Dean just never could act up on that, because he doesn't want to jeopardize the friendship they have.

“You too, Dean.” She grins, climbing on the bed and kneels behind him. 

Of course Dean doesn’t have to be asked twice. His hands fumble at the hem of his henley and pull it over his head, throwing it on the heap of clothes on the floor. 

“Good,” She smiles, “Now, eyes on the laptop, alright?” 

“O..okay,” Dean swallows hard as he feels her body moving against his back, the peak of her nipples hardening against his skin. 

Her nose brushes his temple, “Relax, and leave your hands on your sides,” 

Dean can only nod. 

“Lube?” She asks but before Dean can answer, she’s found it, “Nevermind, I got it.” 

She opens the bottle, squirts a generous amount into her hand before she tosses the bottle on the bed somewhere. 

Her hands then come around his body from the back, and Dean jerks at the first touch of her fingers on his cock. He moans shamelessly, and it makes her chuckle against his cheek. 

“Good?” She asks as she kisses his shoulder, his neck, and she lets her tongue trail along his jaw. 

“Fuck, yeah,” Dean’s cock throbs and leaks as she works him with both her hands, applying the right amount of pressure, squeezing harder at the head, eliciting a wrecked sound from his throat that Dean knows he should be ashamed of, but he can’t bring himself to care.

“Look at them, Dean. Look how deep he fucks her,” She sucks at his earlobe, licking up his shell, “Imagine it’s you,” She works her hand to the same rhythm of the couple fucking on the screen. Slow and deep. “If you want, you can imagine that it’s me.” 

Dean turns his head to look at her and she just fucking winks. 

“Eyes on the screen, cowboy,” She giggles and Dean complies. 

Y/N sucks in a patch on his neck, a suction strong enough to draw blood to the surface. He wonders, if it’ll leave a mark, kind of hopes that it will. 

“You have a beautiful cock, Dean. Always knew that you’re packed, never thought it’ll look so delicious, though.” One of her hands leaves his cock, works its way further down, cupping his sac, “Mmh.. I’d love to have a taste,”

“Y-you can,” He stutters, her hand squeezing his balls on the right side of painful. 

Y/N chuckles lightly, “We don’t have time. Maybe next time,” 

Dean dick twitches just by her mentioning that there’s a possibility of a next fucking time. Because fuck yeah, he’d love to show her what his cock is really good for. 

Their eyes are back on the screen and she’s breathing next to his ear. 

Oh my god, your cock feels so good, daddy! The girl on the screen screams and pants. 

“Mmh,” She says, trailing her nose along his cheek and kisses him lightly as her hand abandons his balls. Her fingernails leave a wet trail along his body on their way up, until she brushes the pad of her finger against his erect nipple. 

Dean moans.

“You’re so sensitive there, aren’t you?”

“Fuck,” Dean breathes out, his cheeks are burning. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck! Daddy I’m gonna come! The girl on the screen shrieks.

Dean’s cock twitches at the sound and Y/N works him faster as the guy plunges his dick into the girl, “You like that, Dean? Huh? Like it when I call you Daddy?” It twitches again, getting harder too, and Dean doesn’t even know that it’s possible. 

“Yeah, you do,” She laughs softly before sucking at his shoulder and looking up at him. He’s too ashamed to look at her, instead, he keeps his eyes glued to the screen, “I would love to feel your cock in my pussy, Dean. Bet I’d have trouble working it in, it’s so big. I’d be so tight around you. But you’d feel so fucking perfect inside of me, I just know it.” 

Fuck, he’s gonna blow just imagining it.

“You’d know how to use it, too, don’t you? You’d fuck me deep,” She pinches his nipple and Dean groans again. “Maybe I can get on top. Would you like for me to ride you, Daddy?” 

Aaaand, there’s a twitch again. 

Jesus fucking Christ!

“Your dick feels so hot and hard, you’re going to come, don’t you?” 

“Uh-huh…” Dean can only manage to squeeze out some incoherent sounds past his throat.

“I’d ride you so good, Dean, my hands on your chest, pinching and tweaking your nipples while I grind down on your hard cock,” Her mouth is right behind his ear and Dean can feel her warm breath, “I’m soaking wet just thinking about it,” She kisses the back of his neck, “My cunt’s slick and tight, imagine me coming on your cock, Dean. My walls contracting around you, milking you for what you’re worth. Holding you captive. Both of us sliding, grinding wetly against each other,”

Fuck, he’d love to feel that. 

“You have a petty face, Dean,” She works her mouth over to his throat, sucks at his pulse point, “I’d love to ride that, too. Would you let me, huh? I’d love for you to bury your face in my dripping pussy, working your tongue inside of me, I could come on your face, how does that sound?” 

There’s a weird noise coming out of his throat and Dean knows that he should be ashamed, but he’s past caring.

“I’m on the pill and I know you’re clean, too. I’d let you finish inside of me, Daddy, shoot your load inside, making your cum leak out of me for days, that would be nice, huh,” 

“Fuck yeah,” 

“And just stay in there until your cock’s hard again and take me apart all over,” 

“Shit, I’m -” 

Dean squeezes his eyes shut. Both her hands are back on his cock. Y/N picks up the rhythm and he can’t help but buckle up, fucking himself into her hands.

“Come, Dean,” She leans over and to the side a little, and Dean opens his eyes to look at her. She had a stupid grin on her face and fuck, he just wants to kiss her. 

He doesn’t even have to ask though.

“Come for me,” She whispers before she kisses him, and he fucking groans into her mouth before his tongue takes over. It’s messy and Dean let out more air into her mouth than he intends to but his climax makes him see fucking stars, it has been that long. 

Y/N parts from the kiss and sits down, waits for Dean to come down from a fucking high and when he’s looking at her again, she fucking licks her fingers clean from his mess. She grins when she sees him staring, “Tastes good, Dean,” 

He can’t help but chuckle, and turns himself around to attack her and she shrieks in delight when she finds herself pinned to the mattress. Dean looks down to himself briefly, sees that he’s still fucking hard, makes a mental note to brag to Sam about his stamina at almost forty-fucking-one. 

Dean kisses her again, long, deep, fucking messy, tastes himself on her, doesn’t even fucking mind it. 

“Let me help you.” He mumbles against her lips. 

She laughs, “Maybe some other time, Sam and Eileen are waiting for us.” 

“Don’t care,” Dean says, mouths along her neck downwards, seals his lips around her nipple, sucking them in and letting them out with a lewd pop, one by one. She has her hand in his hair, blunt nails digging into his scalp.

[eirist]

Little Bits and Pieces of Heaven

ON OR OFF?

One-shot #: 21 

Disclaimer: One Piece (and its characters) belongs to Eiichiro Oda-sensei.

Reminder: I have no beta-reader. Any grammatical and spelling errors are solely mine.

Warning: OOC possible. One shot.

Rating: T. NSFW. (Nothing explicit, but adult talks.)

Note: I pretty much wonder what topics these two have when they are drinking together. Then I heard the question and got an idea. So here it is. Plus, #6 prompt from the ♣ prompt collection.

And pending prompt requests are still on the works. I get stuck sometimes that's why I write breathers like this one as right now I'm not really happy with the plots that I've come up with or the drafts I've written. I want to enjoy writing it rather than for the just jotting down a story and posting it.

Also, I might close the request box before this month ends. So if you have any more requests just message me.

Summary: "Wow! How strong is this bourbon" anyway?

​"Ok… so lights on or lights off?"

Nami smiled mischievously before downing the glass of two fingers worth of bourbon that was sitting on the counter in front of her. The golden brown liquid slid down her throat smoothly, leaving a burning yet delicious sensation. She set the glass down happily while savoring the spreading warmth on her cheeks.

The man beside her smirked, shaking his head at her question. Zoro then mirrored her action, knocking back his own drink in one gulp.

She waited a beat as he placed his glass back on the counter and reached out for the bottle they were sharing. He poured another round in his glass and surprisingly in hers as well.

She observed him for a moment, before nudging his leg with her own when he did not answer her question. 

"So?" Nami prodded playfully.

Zoro raised an eyebrow at her. He seemed to be thinking for a moment. With a shrug he finally replied, "Off."

The navigator straightened up at that. “Really?” She shot him with a downright curious stare. "Why?"

The swordsman paused for a moment. "No need to bother with the details if it's just one time thing.” He explained casually. “It’s not like you're gonna see them again."

Nami's lips formed an exaggerated 'o' at his response. She knows how straightforward Zoro is. But damn! Even in bed he is all business?

Though to be honest, he kinda got a point somehow...

"So it's wham bam thank you maam for you?” She inquired not bothering to fight the puckish grin that wanted to appear on her lips.

Zoro laughed loudly at that before emulating her grin. "That's all I need. Nothing more.”

"Gosh Zoro that's just cold!"

He laughed again as her reaction entertained him.

"Leaving women behind just like that." Nami shook her head, feigning disappointment as her long, orange locks bounced around her from the movement. "You really are a brute."

“No use prolonging the interaction Nami," Zoro chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair. “It's not like I’m there to make love or something."

"Sanji-kun will have a fit when he hears you."

"So?" Nami chortled at his typical annoyed retort whenever their resident cook was brought up.

“I’m pretty sure you’d do the same… before robbing them blind of course.” He taunted.

“Excuse me! I’d never do it with the people I rob!” She frowned at him before reaching for her drink… her warm, brown eyes never leaving his. “If I rob them I just rob them,” she continued before tossing down her drink and sliding her glass towards him so he can fill it up again.

He quirked an eyebrow at her non-verbal demand.

She just answered him with a sassy smile. “Unless,” she whispered lowly. “They are hot stuff of course. Then… I might reconsider.”

Zoro studied her for a few seconds, before emptying his own drink and proceeding to refill their glasses. “Why are we even talking about this?” He asked, genuinely intrigued.

“Hmmm… I don’t know. But it seems to me you don’t mind having this conversation at all.”

He shrugged. They usually talk about a lot of random stuff when they are drinking—no holds barred. But they seldom venture towards... sex.

Though he wasn’t really surprised when Nami suddenly asked that question. She usually does it once in a while (this does not even compare to her other more outrageous and scandalous ones),  hoping to get some dirt on him that she can use for leverage.

“So how about you?”

He threw back the query at her, almost scoffing at the way her eyebrows disappeared behind her orange bangs as she looked startled. Apparently she did not expect him to return the honor.

“Me?”

“Yeah.”

Nami reached out for her drink with smile. “On of course. Since I’m kind of a sucker for visual stimulation.” She winked at him. “My eyes need to be pleased for me to be pleased as well. I have to see and admire the face and the body if I’m going to sleep with it.”

Zoro brought his own glass up if he was about to take a drink again but stopped, pondering about something. “Works for me if I like the girl.” He muttered indifferently, before swallowing the potent liquid down like it was nothing but water.   

“Whoa! What?!” She had just grabbed her glass and yet she almost slammed it back down on the counter.

“You know what I mean.”

The orange-haired girl pursed her lips, thinking. Well she did somehow understand what he was implying. She nodded slowly. "You mean, like emotionally attached?” She emphasized the word.

When he didn’t bother to confirm her assumption, she snorted. “Like you’ll ever be!”

“Oi. Aren’t you quick to judge onna?” He retorted, a bit insulted.

“Wait, wait! You mean you are capable of actually fancying someone?!” Nami gasped, slapping a hand down on his thigh in excitement. “You actually have a crush on someone?!”

Zoro glared at her. Then at her hand.

But she was far too distracted by the revelation to pay his scathing look any mind.

He chose to just ignore her, pouring the remaining contents of the bottle to his glass. He should draw the line here and call it a night… before her teasing leads to a nasty fight between them that can last for days.

“Hey, hey,” Nami shifted closer to him; face stopping an inch from his own and nose almost touching his cheek.

He glanced sideways at her, as he brought the glass to his lips.

Her voice was low but fascinated as she murmured in his ear; her warm breath tickling and sending shivers down his spine. “You mean if you are able to hook up with a girl you actually like… like someone you are crushing on… you’ll leave the lights on?”

Zoro scrutinized her for a moment. Nami had a really, really interested expression on her face.

Looks like he had unwittingly given her something to use on him. Damn it!

Though he found himself nodding in answer. “Yeah…” he muttered.

“Really?”

“Nothing's gonna stop me from admiring every inch of her body... all night long.”

Nami looked dumb-founded, mouth gaping open as she regarded him. Honestly, she never thought Zoro would answer her question knowing how tight-lipped he is.

But for heaven’s sake that last statement of his…

…was fucking turning her on.

She quickly drew back away from him to settle back on her stool, trying to cover up the sudden surge of arousal with feigned amazement. “Wow! How strong is this bourbon anyway? It's making your tongue loose!” She managed to josh as he chugged down the remaining bourbon in his glass.

“You tell me. You’re the one who started asking weird questions.”

"Let me try it again. Spill some more beans come on!”

“No.”

She pouted. “You’re no fun.” She looked like she was about to go into one of her famous fits when she suddenly laughed. Looking slyly at him, she snickered. “So light’s off huh? Then smash and dash, just like that?"

Zoro chuckled. “You make me sound so bad.”

She propped an arm on the counter and rested her chin on her hand, grinning like a Cheshire cat as she studied him. "Remind me never to sleep with you." She added in a wry tone as he burst out laughing again.

“Really now? Then you don’t know what you’re missing.”

It was her turn to explode with laughter, almost falling down from the bar stool if Zoro didn’t have half the mind to grab her arm and pull her towards him.

“I don’t think we will meet in the middle somehow…” Nami was still giggling so hard, even as she was almost draped on his lap. Slowly she righted herself up, lifting her head to give him a cheeky smile.

“Right.” Zoro made a tsk-ing sound. Though the smirk on his face betrayed the supposedly annoyed sound.

“Poor girls though,” she sing-songed.

Zoro merely fixed her with an inquisitive gaze.

“They'll never get to feast their eyes on you in all your naked glory with the lights off,” she teased him with an impish grin. “Damn, if that was me—”

“If it’s you, I’d leave the lights on Nami,” Zoro cut her off.

With that, he smoothly slid out of the bar stool and stood in front of her.

“Your face is heating up, is it something I said?” He remarked in a tone that was smug yet the smirk on his face was devilishly suggestive.

His lone grey eye raked over her body as her own grew as wide as saucers.

Then he turned away and sauntered towards where their nakama were still feasting.

And just like that he left her alone… with her words stuck inside her throat, her mind in a jumble as the heat that swiftly engulfed her face went spiraling down her body igniting every single nerve and setting her insides on fire when the realization of what he said finally struck her.

Her eyes settled on her still not finished drink. She swiftly grabbed it and guzzled it down, hoping the strong liquor might help bring her back to her senses.

Fuck!

[lveclouds]

a/n: yet another got7 drabble!! this is going to be a bit angsty, so i apologize in advance and honestly this banner is probably one of my favorites hehe and also this drabble took me a while to type up but it was worth it! and this is very much unedited so if you see any grammatical errors then that’s on me lmao 

genre: fluff, angst, college/university au, friends to lovers 

rating: pg (for mild swearing) 

warnings: light swearing, mild angst,a bit cheesy/cliche (jinyoung’s a huge dork in this hehe think wmylb jinyoung, but like a much tamer and softer version. wmylb jinyoung is uh, very passionate in voicing his opinions, and we love that, its just not fitting for the image that i have for him in this drabble)

pairing: literature major jinyoung x arts major reader 

word count: 2.3k 

you stared at the glowing laptop screen in front of you, eyes struggling to stay open, lashes fluttering, sleep threatening to take over. you couldn’t help but let out a small yawn, forcing yourself to keep your eyes open. the hardest exam of your life, and one that would have a major effect on your grade, was less than a week away, and you had barely looked at any of the review material. you had been so caught up in finishing your arts project and focusing on raising your grade that the anatomy exam had slipped your mind. and now, here you were, at three o clock in the morning, fighting sleep, trying to cram in information. you couldn’t believe you had been so foolish and careless. anatomy had always been a subject that you struggled in, and because you were stubborn and didn’t want people to think you were pathetic or lazy, you refused your professor’s suggestion to enlist the help of a tutor. you were so confident and sure that you could improve on your own, and well, you had never felt so idiotic in your life. 

despite looking over the review material and pouring over pages of the dictionary sized textbook you had to lug around nearly every day, not a single ounce of information seemed to be sticking. the last few days had been spent relentlessly studying countless websites, books, review material, and just about anything that could potentially help you. you were beginning to get a bit stressed out, but you supposed that all of this was because of you. after all, you were the one who had decided to neglect studying for an exam all to work on some stupid art project instead. “just a day in the life.” you mumbled, eyes focusing on the laptop screen in front of you, the blue light illuminating the darkness of your dorm, casting dark shadows onto the white carpeted floor. 

sighing, you shut your laptop closed and flopped back onto your bed in defeat, head softly hitting your pillow. there was no use in fighting sleep, after all, you could barely focus and dawn was drawing near, and soon you would have to trek across campus at exactly six a.m. for your early morning history lecture. sleep soon took over and all thoughts of studying and the exam faded away as you drifted off into dreamland. 

the next morning, you awoke to a soft knock on your door. groaning, you reluctantly got out of bed and went to answer it. to your surprise, it was jinyoung, dressed in an oversized white turtleneck, dark jeans, and loafers, holding two cups of warm coffee and a light blue paper bag.  his soft black hair was adorably rumpled, and despite it being five a.m., jinyoung still looked as gorgeous as ever, which you envied. “oh, hi jinyoung. what are you doing here?” you asked, rubbing the sleep from your eyes. “well, i figured you were up late last night again and i dropped by the cafe down the street, and i thought i’d just come by and give you some coffee. hopefully it’ll give you some energy. oh, and i brought some sandwiches that my roommate made last night. trust me, it’s not poisonous. jaebeom hyung’s a lot of things, and one of them is the ability to make a great sandwich.” you chuckled as he handed over your cup of coffee and the paper bag. “thanks for the coffee and the food. i’ll see you later?” “i-i was wondering if you wanted to walk to class together? “i’d love to. oh, please come inside. it’s a bit messy, so don’t mind all the clutter. i haven’t had time to clean lately.” jinyoung shook his head. “it’s fine. jaebeom hyung’s the same. he doesn’t have time to clean because he’s always so busy with writing music and classes, so i do all the cleaning in the dorm.” you gestured for jinyoung to sit on the couch, to make himself feel comfortable, and then disappeared into your room to take a quick shower and put on a decent outfit. 

as you and jinyoung walked across campus, he told you all about the song that jaebeom was working on for the upcoming showcase that your university put on every month. “wait, so he composes his own songs?” jinyoung nodded. “he does, its pretty impressive, if i’m being honest. he’s been writing songs ever since he could walk. jaebeom hyung wants to become a singer one day.” “ i wouldn’t be surprised if he does, he’s really talented.” you had seen jaebeom peforrm a few times, and his voice was smooth and angelic and unique, and you had no doubt that he would get recognized for his singing one day. “so, what’s been going on with you? haven’t seen you in a while.” “ah, well, my professors are bombarding me with assignments and i have an essay due next week, but it’s tolerable, i guess. been trying to take a breather every now and then, get my shit together, the usual. anwyays, enough about me, how have you been doing?”

you grimaced. “well, i haven’t been getting much sleep lately.  i kinda got too preoccupied in finishing an art project that i forgot all the about the anatomy exam i’m supposed to take, and it may or may not be less than a week away. so, i’ve been cramming.” jinyoung sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. “are you kdiding me, y/n?” you laughed nervously. “uh, oops?” jinyoung shook his head, letting out a defeated sigh. “how long has this been going on for?” “u-uh a f-few days?” you looked away, not wanting to see the frustrated and worried expression on jinyoung’s face, fighting back tears. ever since you had met jinyoung on a particular sunny day last summer, the two of you had gone through a lot together, from comforting each other after breakups to taking care of each other when one of you was drunk. you hated making jinyoung worry, as he had enough to deal with, and you didn’t want to burden him. “why didn’t you tell me you were having a hard time?” he asked, and you forced yourself to look at him, instantly regretting it. his gorgeous brown eyes were filled with concern and a worried frown was set upon his perfect lips, and you immediately felt as if you had been stabbed in the gut. “i-im sorry,i just didn’t want to be a burden.” you mumbled, trying to hold back tears. before you knew it, you were engulfed in a hug, strong arms wrapping around you, holding you tight. you felt jinyoung rub comforting circles on your back, and that alone was enough for you to break down, crying into the soft fabric of his sweater. all the pent up stress you had been holding in was finally let out, and jinyoung just held you, not uttering a single word, listening to your soft sobs. after your tears had subsided, you pulled away, wiping your eyes with the back of your hand, sniffling. “s-sorry about your sweater.” jinyoung waved away your apology. “don’t worry about it, i’m not gonna freeze to death just because you got tears on it.” 

“anyways, i’m sorry for not telling you.” “it’s ok, but y/n, please know that i’m always here for you and that you’re never a burden.” you felt your heart ache at how sincere he sounded, and despite his reassurances, you still felt extremely guilty for keeping your feelings locked away. 

“i’m a phonecall or a text away, remember that. i’m always here for you, you know that, right?” you nodded. “thank you, jinyoung.” “no need to thank me, y/n.” 

after class, you were feeling a bit better, as you had finally sought help from your classmates on the upcoming exam, and they had given you an overwhelming amount of notes, all of which were extremely detailed and well-written. and, as you were walking towards your dorm, you heard a familiar voice call out to you. turning, you saw im jaebeom, music major and jinyoung’s roommate, running towards you, a white envelope in his hand. “hey, you’re y/n, right?” he asked once he caught up to you, a bit breathless. “yeah, why?” jaebeom seemed to brighten at this, eyes turning into crescents as he smiled, gently placing the envelope in your hand. “jinyoung wanted me to give this to you. he’s in the library, working on an essay if you want to see him.” before you could say anything, jaebeom gave you a small wave before walking off to the other side of campus, leaving you speechless. what just happened? you thought as you opened the envelope, careful not to rip it. inside was a delicate piece of paper, with jinyoung’s familiar looping script written all over it. 

“dear y/n, ever since we met, i’ve always thought you were bright. for example, your smile. your smile practically lights up your face and makes my heartbeat a little faster. i’m aware this is quite cheesy, but its true. ever since we met, you have been the brightest person in my world, and the one girl who has managed to break down these walls i’ve kept around me for so long. before i met you, i didn’t know what love was, or rather, why people bothered with it. but, that all changed when i laid eyes on you. you were the most stunning girl i had ever seen, let alone meet, and when you said”hi, my name’s y/n”, i felt my world turn upside down, but, in a good way. you were the person who showed me that it’s ok to love. you also showed me how beautiful love can be. it doesn’t have to be destructive or painful or terrifying. love can be exciting and thrilling and life-changing. even though i’m a literature major and have written more essays than i can count, i seem to struggle with words whenever i’m around you, thus why i’m putting my feelings on paper. i like you, a lot. i’ve liked you ever since you bumped into me on that fateful day, you were the one who has managed to sweep me off my feet, quite literally, i might add, and though i am awkward and clumsy and not as mysterious and alluring as jaebeom hyung, i do have some worth. anyways, please meet me in the library after you read this, and if you don’t, then i know that you don’t feel the same. it’s ok if you don’t, but i just wanted to get this off my chest. 

sincerely,

park jinyoung

you felt tears prick the back of your eyes as you practically ran to the library, your heart aching. you didn’t know jinyoung felt that way about you, and you were so happy that he felt the same. you had liked him since the beginning, and you had fallen in love with his smile and all of his quirks. jinyoung was easily one of the most attractive guys on campus, with perfect eyebrows, a cute nose, perfectly sculpted cheekbones, gorgeous brown eyes, and one ot the prettiest smiles you had ever seen. his smile was stunning and never failed to take your breath away, eyes crinkling at the corners,perfect white teeth on display. his laugh was endearing and a sound that you would never get tired of hearing. on top of all that, he had a heart of gold, and was unfailingly kind and polite towards anyone, and also very selfless and humble. 

as soon as you arrived in the library, you looked around for jinyoung, and immediately spotted him at a table near the back, typing on his laptop, eyebrows furrowed in concentration. you rushed over to him, heart beating wildly in your chest, and cleared your throat, causing him to look up from his laptop in surprise. “y/n?” he asked, practically scrambling off the chair he’d been sitting on, gently grabbing ahold of your wrist. “what’s wrong? did something happen?” you took a deep breath and grabbed ahold of his sweater, the fabric bunching up in your hands, pulling him towards you and kissing him. you felt him jump a bit in surprise, but he quickly reciprocated the kiss, wrapping his arms around you. the kiss was short and sweet, but you enjoyed every minute of it. when you pulled away, a faint shade of pink had settled across jinyoung’s face. “i-i never knew you were so bold, y/n.” he teased, the corners of his eyes crinkling as he smiled. “i didn’t either, but i had to do it before i chickened out.” “so, does that mean you like me?” you fought the urge to roll your eyes. “yes, of course, jinyoung. i don’t just go up to random guys on campus and kiss them you know.” “i-i just wanted to make sure.” “ah, you’re so cute, jinyoung.” “s-shut up. i’m not cute.” “hmm, yes you are.” “anyways, will you be my girlfriend, then?” “well, considering that i just kissed the hell out of you in the middle of a library, i think it’d be foolish if we weren’t dating after that, so yes, yes i will.” 

a/n: hehe jinyoung drabble done!! i hope you all enjoyed this lengthy drabble!! i have two more got7 drabbles to write/post and then i will go back to my planned bts ones :) again, this drabble is dedicated to cara, aka @yongcherie​ one of my favorite humans ever (sends kisses and hugs) ily angel 💞💞and this is also dedicated to my sister issy aka @taeramisu​ bc i love her and she’s the one of the loveliest angels ever💖

[bow-woahh]

Spop Fic recs (Catradora)

(finally)

Hello Catradora trash can's today I finally give you what I've been promising for MONTHS - a fanfic rec list. Because, if you didn't already know, I read A LOT of Catradora fanfic, probably too much and although I'm definitely not the best judge of...anything, I really wanted to make this post, so here it is, weeks late.

(it's a long one though)

I’ve written my full opinions n shit on like the first 10 multi chapters and one shots because there’s a lot lol, and some I remember better than others (tbf I've re read all of them at this point), but yeahhh. For the others, I’ll describe it in less detail and a bit more jokily lol.

I'm sorry I haven't just linked all the fics bit I just want this to be out of my drafts loll, and I can assure you most of these are pretty easy to find, I apologise for the laziness though haha

Also I’ve tried to find the all the authors tumblr or other social media, but I couldn’t for all of them which sucks, so if you happen to be the author and I left you out, please comment :)

Anyway, Y'ALL NEED TO GET ON MY LEVEL SOOO WITHOUT FURTHER ADO HERE YOU GO:

(here's a key first)

Key:

(o) = ongoing

(f) = finished

[G]=General

[T] =Teen and up Audiences

[M]=Mature

[E]=Explicit

Multi-chapters:

1. Upper West Side by ceruleanstorm (o) 100,000+ words

@princessofgayskull

[Modern AU] [T]

This fic is so amazing!! It goes so deep into their psychology and past and damn is it hilarious at time. Also, I love the premise of it - Catra is a Uber driver and Adora ends up as her passenger. It's a fairly slowburn as it goes deep into the two girls' lives and really gives time for the relationship to develop naturally and that is honestly really appreciated because it makes the good moments between the two even better and more rewarding if I'm honest. A lot of angst though. All the other characters we know and love are also written amazingly in it too, and are made equally important. All in all, I love this fic and everything about it!

As of writing it has fairly infrequent updates, but each chapter is 10-20k+ words and has 9/12 chapters so...there’s a lot.

2. For my Sake by doublepasse (f) 100,000+ words

@doublepasse-writes

[Canon Compliant][E]

The story and world building is just - WOAH. This one is quite the slowburn but boy is it worth it. It's set a couple months to a year after season one, where Catra finally captures Adora but the tables turn very quickly when capturing her nearly results in her death, which Catra (unsurprisingly) didn’t want. The story has some BIG plot twists and is definitely one of the best canon universe Catradora fics I’ve ever read and the ending was very satisfying, but also open ended, BECAUSE there’s a part 2 coming and I couldn’t be more excited!

(Also, there is one chapter with nsfw content in it, but it has a sfw version)

3. Skinny Love by Maychup (o) 89,000+ words

@maychup

[Canon Compliant][M]

Another amazing fic that takes place in the canon universe that has such great world building, and is very plot heavy. It takes place days after the S1 finale and goes from there basically. The premise of it is similar to many fics and one shots you’ve probably read - sleeping with the enemy. From the first chapter it seemed like it could have easily been a five chapter easy redemption fic but nooooooo, it goes a lot LOT deeper. I feel like this fic did such a great job on character development, Catra’s specifically, she grows so much throughout the fic. She is also such a mother to all her Horde pals in this and I love that haha.

At the time of writing, it’s still ongoing, and boy am I excited to see where it goes. It’s also super angsty and has a fair-ish amount of smut so be warned!

4. The Heiress and The thief by Fuhadeza (f) 58,000+ words

@fuhadeza

[Regency AU][M]

As it says in the fic summary, it is literally the She-Ra regency AU I never knew I wanted likeeee, it’s so good! Premise - Adora is taken by Lady Brightmoon, leaving her boarding school, and her best friend behind, Catra, and everything is fine until her old friend face resurfaces. This one had me screaming at times (most of them did, but this especially). It was a really enjoyable read and I honestly loved the way the author dealt with love and the way Adora dealt with her feelings and just ahhh- read it.

5. Faded with feelings by yesimgay (f) 24,000+ words

[Roomates AU][T]

This fic. I read this a WHILEEE ago but to this day this is one of my favourite fan-fics ever like it’s hilarious, and fluffy and unproblematic and sometimes you need that tbh. Everything you need to know is established in the first chapter but the way it is done feels so natural, as if it’s just Adora‘s or Catra’s thoughts and I love it. Also the premise is GREAT - Catra has ADHD and smokes weed to help with it, and Adora accidentally takes an edible, which is when shenanigans start to ensue.

6. Dream of Me by DBsean (f) 18,000+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

Although it is on the shorter side with only five chapters, this was another fic that was so so good in quality and premise. For whatever reason, Catra and Adora start sharing dreams, enabling them to share moments together that they (unfortunately) can't have in real life, due to them being on opposite sides of the war, and in turn - enemies. The angst in this fic literally KILLED ME, and the characters dialogue is so good as well! I also recommend you check out some of the authors other fics, they're all great!

7. we've been making shades of purple out of red and blue by darklady21(o) 19,000+ words

[Roomates AU][M]

Another Roomates AU, bUT instead of being best friends, the two barely know each other, or interact at all...GREAT RIGHT?!? Honestly though, I think the author did a great job in making it not seem too rushed, especially in the setup and establishing how although they know each other, they DONT know each other, so the first couple chapters are basically that stage where they are learning more about each other and leaving stupid post it notes around the house, and it just feels so natural and great! Updates aren’t super regular, but there’s already nine chapters (as of writing) so definitely check it out, as well as their other works too!

8. Razorback by Starr_Reborn(o) 22,000+ words

[Canon Divergence AU][M]

Apparently, the author wrote this with the intent of it being fluffy. From the title you can tell that is NOT the case. At all. This one HURTS. This is very very angsty, and also has some themes of rape in it, so if that kinda thing triggers you I might wanna skip out on this one. It is a really good fic though and stands out from a lot of the others because of the way it is written. Chapters aren’t usually longer that 1000 words and the writing style is quite disjointed at times, and it a lot of the time a stream of consciousness. At times it can even be a little confusing or hard to follow, but I find it makes it even more interesting, and also means it will probably be a fic I come back to once completed. It is genuinely so unpredictable, I have no clue where it’s going, but I really love it for that!

9. Sunflower by TechnoSkittles (f) 6000+ words

@technoskittles

[High School AU][G]

Oh, BOY. Oh boyyy. This fic - it's 8 chapters and only 6000 words yet the story is just- Ahhh READ IT. It's so good! And like the author in general is so amazing at writing like check out all their works (especially their latest one shot omg I loved it). Anyway, read this, it's not too long, it's cute and also genuinely surprising, the ending was not something I saw coming AT ALL, so YEAH!

10. I like me better when I'm with you by lesbians_harold(f) 22,000+ words

@lesbians-harold

[High School AU][T]

Just a nice, fun, fluffy high school, friends to lovers AU. Catra moves to Adora’s school senior year and the twos friendship is quickly rekindled, after a rocky start albeit. Adora is a big ol’ jock and Catra draws which is a headcanon I LOVE. It’s written so well, and the characters are also written well too! It is a lil angsty at times, but not to worry - but it does pay off, I assure you.

11. I thought we were best friends by vanilla107 (o) 45,000+ words

@vanilla107

[University AU][T]

Breakups. Lots of breakups, and angst. This one will mend your heart then hurt you. BE SCARED. But go read it. I mean it. It's good!

12. Dirty Dancing by LilLegalLoli94 (o) 9000+ words

@lillegalloli94

[Dancing AU][M]

Basically lots of (sexual) tension after years of not seeing each other because Adora moved to Brightmoon Dance Academy. It's good. Real good.

13. Back to Black by eveynull (f) 6000+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

(Post War) Gays go and visit their past, staring angst, and featuring your favourite co-star - fluff!

14. how things are supposed to be by maggiesbombshell (o) 11,000+ words

@yeunslegacy

[High School AU][M]

A jolly slowburn that will hurt your soul because (internalised) homophobia and gay.

15. Some things you don't see coming by Trashibesensei (o) 20,000+ words

[High School AU][T]

Adora being a big ol' jock, and Catra being a big ol' gay. I’m not even gonna explain it, you have to find that out yourself.

16. A quarter after three by Maychup (o) 11,000+ words

@maychup

[Youtuber AU][M]

Adora's gay panic settles in when she bumps into her childhood bestie, Catra, live streaming in the streets of LA. My favourite part of this fic has to be the YouTube comments she gets. This one will make you laugh. And go AWWW CUTE.

17. A Song to My Heart by DemiRebel (f) 8000+ words

[Neighbors AU][G]

The cute girl next door keeps singing loud, and it sounds BELLE, so what else would you do other than creepily listen?? 10/10 for premise.

18. Occupied by Nny11 4000+ words

@nny11writes

[Modern AU][T]

The most hilarious soulmate AU I've read tbh. One word - bathrooms.

19. Whispering Dreams by dragonesdepapel (f) 7400+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

Adora finds a wounded and sick gay so obviously, she helps her out, much to her protesting. This fic will honestly make you go through the five stages of grief. Big ol' oof.

20. Why you SHOULD bring in your untrained cat to the rebellion by locuas (f) 6800+ words

[Canon Divergence AU][G]

This fic is a literal joke. But it will probably be the best crack you will ever read, so. READ IT.

ALSO HERES A LIL SELF PWOMO OF MY MULTI CHAP:

What drove her insane, 13,000+ words (f)

One shots:

1. hang tight (all you) by TechnoSkittles 9000+ words

@technoskittles

[High School AU][T]

This is a fic that will break your heart and mend it. It's about Adora coming to terms with her sexuality throughout high school in a pretty unsupportive environment, added onto the fact she has a crush on her best friend. It's paced so well, nothing feels rushed and although it's only 9000 words, it manages to flesh out characters that aren't even in the show, and it obviously does a great job with the topic at hand - sexuality and homophobia. Like it honestly touched my heart, reading it I genuinely wanted to cry. I loved everything about it, from the moment it started to the last line. It's just written in a way that is probably relatable to so many people who are or have struggled with coming to terms with themselves, and shows how for some it's really not an easy thing. It's also written beautifully, and I PROMISE you won't regret reading this! Definitely check out some more of their works too, they're all great reads!

2. you're my favorite song (and it's stuck in my head) by artemiswords 16,000+ words

@artemisbye 

[High School AU][T]

A belle valentine's day fan fic which I just,, ahhhhh this is some of the best 16k words I've ever read, it's so nice and fluffy! Premise - Catra has to take the bus to school, and ends up sitting next to this cute girl on the bus, Adora, and listening to TayTay (Swift), sharing earphones with this complete stranger. Obviously, Catra develops a crush, but she is sure Adora is straight. It's written so well, and is such an enjoyable read, with so many great moments and dialogue. Music is a very prevalent theme (which you can tell from the name tbh) in it, and the amount of song references in it also make it feel so fleshed out in a way, like their both just teenagers with somewhat questionable music taste. Just all the exchanges they have are great, especially the ones over text and social media, there were so many funny moments too. DEFO, recommend if you wanna read something nice and lighthearted!

3. The Interlude That Never Ends by FMLClexa 2000+ words

Twitter: catrxs

[Historical AU] [M]

Angst. Quite angsty. But also fairly fluffy, it has a good balance. And the writing style is just so - it gets your heart wrenching despite being fairly short, and is also very poetic, and I don't know about you, but I love things like that! The fic is a historical/soulmates AU where they are bound to fall in love, no matter the period they're reincarnated in. It's one of the most creative fic ideas I've ever read, and the concept is executed so well, which makes it even better. And it's, so so damn sweet ahh, read it read it READ IT!

4.  is there a knife in your bed or are you just happy to see me? by ceruleanstorm 6000+ words

@princessofgayskull

[Canon Universe][T]

This fic was everythinggg, it is so cute, like it’s basically 6k words of fluff! Also, if you didn’t already notice, the title (and the fic) heavily references the fact Adora keeps a knife under her bed (I DIED when that happened in s2).  Set post war, Catra sneaks away from her post to visit an overworked and stressed Adora in Bright Moon and cuteness ensues. I honestly just love everything about this fic, we need more fluffy and funny fics like this! The dynamic the two have in this is perfect and the dialogue and general writing style of it is great! And Adora’s internal dialogue in this honest to god had me dead. Needless to say this is one of my fav Canon Universe one shots.

5.Girl’s Become Lovers (Who Turn Into Mothers) by A_Zap 2000+ words

@azapofinspiration

[Canon Universe][G]

This has to be one of the cutest, well written, fic I’ve read! Catra brings home the only survivors from a tragedy her and Scorpia stumbled upon, but one thing Adora doesn’t expect is for them to be children. The,, emotions in this are so raw and powerful. Even though they obviously have these new little people in their life though, their problems don’t just go away, they still have their own issues, and have to deal with them while looking after these kids. In general they handle mental health so well, and Shadow Weavers lasting effect on Catra SHOWS and it shows hard. Honestly, it made me want to cry at some parts and the ending was EVERYTHING, so reAd IT.

6. baby, i'm a house on fire (and i wanna keep burning) by wittchers 7000+

@huremsultan

[Medival AU]

A really fun fic to read, with a very original premise: after the Horde defeats the kingdom Bright Moon, Hordak is crowned, Queen Angella was killed, and Princess Glimmer is missing, which leaves Lady Adora forced into an arranged marriage with Lord Catra, to keep her people happy. Obviously, being an arranged marriage, with her enemy, she ain’t too happy about it, nor is Catra. But they have to put up with it, and each other. Honestly, like the development of their relationships is sooo good, and there is the perfect balance e of angst and fluff (if you can call it that?) so don’t worry it won’t kill you! Like ahh, the emotions in this - so well described with so little words. And the ending is great, in general it’s great!

7. Adora Casts: Zone of Truth by Hemogobbler 2000+ words

@hemogobbler69

[Canon Universe][T]

Literally just 2000 words of utter cuteness and hilarious dialogue haha. Premise - Catra has just defected recently, and is still warming up to Adora, is still slightly shut off from her. So, to try remedy this, she gets a truth serum from Madame Razz, and slips it into their food, leading to them talking honestly about their feelings for the first time in a while. I just love it so much because I feel like this is genuinely something Adora would do, and also something I’d probably do in her situation - Catra opening up is a rare occurrence! Also, as I said, their are some really funny, laugh out loud moments, which out of context are so weird, yet somehow manage to make a lot of sense. Anyway, if you just had a bad day, I think this fic would definitely lift your spirits.

8. bloom by kimah 4000+ words

Twitter: whitehotmoons

[Modern AU][G]

A post break up fan fic where Catra's therapist suggests Catra write down her feelings, which leads her to write the things she hates about Adora, and their interactions they've had since their break up. The way it's written is so... angsty but like, not? I'm bad at this. Literally, reading this I really felt Catra's pain, and I just wanted to give her a hug at times. Adora too. The small details the author outs into the characters makes the characters all that more realisitic too, and I love it! Seriously though, the angst, will, get, you.

9. I do adore by thankskelley 6000+ words

Twitter: cosmicsporks

[Modern AU][G]

A Catradora fake dating AU. Is there anything more you need in life? Catra and Adora are are roomates, and one day, Adora bursts in, saying she finally came out to her parents, and also that her parent had assumed they are dating... leading her to ask if Catra could pretend to be her girlfriend for while. What could possibly go wrong? Hmm?? I've always loved the whole fake dating premise (to all the boyss) and with characters like Adora and Catra, (especially Catra like she is a TEASE) I always thought it'd be great. Who doesn't love oblivious gays? Their dynamic in this is also great, especially all the flirting and teasing. BUT, of course, it also a bit angsty too. I can promise you you'll love it!

10. Chocolate and Roses vs. Heartache by Trashibesensei 9000+ words

[High School AU][T]

Another high school AU...I know I have a problem leave me alone. This time, if you couldn’t tell by the title, there’s some heartache involved, because: this Valentines Day, Adora doesn’t spend it with her best friend (now ex bestie) Catra. Even despite her popularity that she now has due to being the star player of Bright Moon’s soccer team, she can’t shake of how much she yearns for her old friend. Somehow, even with all the angst, it is still sO fucking FUNNY, the way Mermista was written was great, and she had some of THE best lines. But yeah, it’s so pure and just - Catra needs a hug, Adora needs a hug, they need to hug EACH other tbh! It had a very nice and hopeful message, and also kinda surprised me with the end.

11. someone you like by caela 5000+ words

[High School AU][T]

As a gen z, or x, or whatever the fuck I am, I always appreciate a fic where the characters say stupid shit over Instagram to their crushes which results it getting a date to prom. Although I can assure you that would never happen to me. But this So FUCKING cute and funny so READ.

12. this is what it's like when we collide (this is how you bring me back to life) by azul (7daysoftorture) 5000+ words

@bluelipgloss

[Canon Universe][G]

This galaxy brain fic is amazing and that’s ThE TEA. Catra gets a wish stone from Hordak and we all knowww, WHO she (subconsciously) craves - Adora, which obviously leads to hell breaking loose, because, disaster gays. Anyway read this it’s great and made me feel forget about the cruel world we live in.

13. Five Times Catra was a Cat and One Time the Cat was Catra by sunscreams 2400+ words

@catradoramma

[Canon Universe][T]

A BELLE, well written 5 + 1 which is just pure fluff (some hurt/comfort too) and Catra being Catra (so a loveable pain in the ass) after joining Adora in Bright Moon.

14. Vital Signs by SereneKarma 2000+ words

@serene-karma

[Modern AU][G]

Like a dumbass Catra breaks her leg and gets put in hospital, but hey - it’s okay as long as she’s got a cute nurse to look after her! It’s pretty funny just based on the concept alone so read ThIs BiSh.

15. You put the cracks into my moral code by Littleamethystc 3000+ words

@littleamethystc

[Gang AU][T]

Catra is a hotshot mafia member, Glimmer and Bow are the PoPo, and Adora is underestimated as HELL. It’s also pretty funny, like the whole concept is just perfect, so check it out!

16. The Best Gift I Could Ever Ask For by blueninjasharpshooter 1500+ words

[Modern AU][G]

Just a short n sweet fic of Adora celebrating her birthday which she forgot, and also Adora has a pocket knife in her boot, which is so accurate lmaooo. As well as having the most accurate character portrayals, AWWWWwwwww, was my reaction to the end of this fic, so read it to find out wHY.

17. but i still don’t wish death on ‘em (i just reflect on ‘em) by ayushi_writes 1500+ words

@ayushipop

[Canon Universe][G]

(Post S1) A year after the battle of Bright Moon, Adora and Catra are standing on a cliff, and Catra finally has a chance to end it all. But WilL she?!?!  Let’s just say, Catradora are the queens of promises.

18. Whiskey and Eggnog by briony8969 3500+ words

@briony8969

[Modern Christmas AU][G]

A cute Christmas fic where a nervous Adora goes home for the first time in months with her new friends from college, scared of what they’ll think but more scared of a certain SOMEONE she hasn’t spoken to in months. So basically: sexual tension gAlore.

19. She's a Regular by BaronVonChop 1500+ words

@baronvonchop

[Coffee Shop AU][G]

Adora is gay. Catra is gay. Catra works at a coffee shop (badly), and Adora goes to said coffee shop soo much, that it gets on her friends nerves, coz she very obviously likes to flirt with a Catra. It’s funny too. That’s it. That’s the fic and I love it.

20. Hand in Hand, We Make Our Way to The End by thethirdphiladelphiavireo 6500+ words

[Canon Universe - Soulmate AU][T]

Catra and Adora figure out they are soulmates after years of not knowing what it meant, but OBVIOUSLY, cannot communicate like mature humans, because - same.

21. How Do You Tell A Girl You Really Like Her Eyes? by Gay_Panic 1000+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

(Pre Canon)Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, a very gay, very wholesome, very nice first kiss fic. They are very gay for each other in this one, they don’t even care if KYLE catches them kissing.

22. Tender Moments by yesimgay 1500+ words

[Canon Universe][G]

(Post-war) Catra still feels guilty about everything she did to Adora in the past, so instead of sleeping at the foot of the bed as usual , she decides to sleep next to Adora...So there’s fluff, lots of fluff, and it is very tender.

23. Perfectly intertwined by dragonesdepapel 2000+ words

[Canon Universe][G]

On Catra’s first official day in Bright Moon, Adora drags her to a festival and they do cute things and it’s cute, and you should defo read it.

24. a girl without freckles is like a sky without stars by dear_universe 900+ words

@catralovesgirls

[Canon Universe][G]

More bed sharing because I CANNOT help myself, I love fics like these! Catra can’t sleep without Adora on her first night at the rebellion, so, she knocks on Adora’s door and things go from there.

25. Something to remember you by by DBsean 3000+ words

[Canon Universe][G]

Adora sneaks back into the fright zone in attempt to retrieve something, when Catra catches her. It’s cute af. Despite the circumstances.

26. Skiffs & Ships by mysteryinc 900+ words

[Canon Universe][G]

(Pre-show) Just two gals being pals who missed each other a fuck ton while on separate missions. It’s pretty cute.

27. Starstruck by InvisiblePinkToast 2500+ words

@invisible-pink-toast

[Canon Universe][G]

(Pre-show) A lil bit of angst, and nightmares, and a little bit of fluff, Stargazing and bed sharing - what more could you need?

28. a truth so loud you can't ignore by adverbialstarlight 2500+ words

@adverbialstarlight

[High School AU][T]

Catra ignores the growing feelings she has for her best friend, until the truth is so loud she can’t ignore it (see what I did there?) But for real tho this fic really gave me angst that hurt my soul then fluff that healed it, so we StAN.

29. Horde kids are just Like That by gerti 1500+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

(Canon Divergence) What would happen if when Adora defected the Horde, her and  Catra where still girlfriends? Read this to find out because it’s FUCKING hilarious lmaoooo, like it’s so absurd but somehow still makes perfect sense.

30. The First Step by oldmountainsoul 2900+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

(Post S1) Apologies which end in getting shoved out off trees are now exclusively for the Catradora fandom only.

31. (You’re My) Haven by giraffewrites 400+ words

@giraffewrites

[Canon Universe - Pre Canon][G]

(Pre-Canon) Adora only kisses Catra when she thinks she’s asleep, but my girl Catra ain’t playing no more so one night she just goes in for the KILL, Aka, cute dorks just being cute dorks.

32. Beyond the Screen by SereneKarma 5000+ words

@serene-karma

[Youtuber AU][G]

If you can't tell I really like YouTuber AU's. Catra being the angsty gal she is starts a YouTube channel to rant about her old best friend who practically vanished when she was 15, and her viewers (who definitely have no life) end up finding her.

33. come on, sugar, don't you leave early by thesqian 1500+ words

Twitter: @crnkgmeplys

[Modern AU][G]

Two gays at a gay wedding, who clearly have some shit going on, but it’s okay because gay weddings always bring gays together. I said gay a lot in that sentence. Read the fic, it’s short n sweet and cute, so you can’t go wrong!

34. but we could never stay away (from each other) by adorassword 1500+ words

[Canon Universe][T]

Catra and Adora have a nice, not so nice chit chat on Adora’s balcony late at night, - these two need LOVE, and I needed a hug after reading this coz damn. Damn.

35. bad ideas by ranpoandpoe 1000+ words

[University AU][T]

How we all wish thinking about your crush at 2am would go. That’s the only context I’m giving, so READ IT.

Also, here are some of my fav one shots I’ve written:

Two Sides Of The Same Coin 1000+ words

[Gang AU][T]

If I was perfect 2500+ words

[Modern AU][T]

And check out my Catradora week series, however my fav is:

damn you, unrequited love 7000+ words

[Modern/Sixth Form AU][T]

Here are some more series packed with fics that I’ve really enjoyed too!

Catradora Oneshots by clicheusername5678 @hey-adora

Catradora Tumblr Prompts BY sunscreams @catradoramma

if I grind my teeth at night, would you hear it? By poetroe

in the bottom of a coffee cup  + pieces by inkwelled (their stuff is great)

Twitter: adorascatrq

Anyway, I hope you guys appreciate this, it took quite a while lol. I had a lot of fun making it, and I hope you check out some of the fics on the list (maybe all if you're a crazy mf)

Until next time (:

[alukaforyou]

and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

[chronicallylatetotheparty]

After the Fall Ch. 5 90% Honesty

LoganLight, AO3

He was improving. Slowly but surely Adrien was opening up to his other friends again. His father even let him out of the manor more often. Kagami was optimistic, but . . .

His fencing still troubled her. Adrien's style used to be singularly reckless and, she would often point out, undisciplined. She could feel his will to win in every riposte and parle. He was the only member of the fencing team Kagami wasn't sure she could beat. Not all the time.

This wasn't that. This was mechanical and without spirit. Without heart. Technically there was nothing wrong with his form but every move he made carried a certain hesitance that didn't belong on him. At this rate the newbies could wipe the floor with him.

That's why they were having a one on one practice session in the school courtyard . . . Not that it seemed to be helping.

"You need to move faster!" she rebuked while landing a hit.

"S-sorry." They retook their positions and he made a lung she dodged easily.

"Don't be sorry, be faster," she scored another hit.

He lunged. She parried. "Not like that!" Direct hit, it was getting repetitive.

"Sorry . . ."

Kagami glared even though he couldn't see her through the mask. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"That thing where you tell yourself that you never do anything right." She removed her mask so he could see just what she thought about that.

". . . Oh." He removed his own mask and sat on the practice mat. "Is it that obvious?"

"I'm serious. You're the second best fencer on the team . . ."

His shoulders hunched. "That's generous of you."

". . . Is that what this is about? You want to be number one?"

Adrien gave her a look. "Don't confuse my issues with yours."

Kagami blushed slightly. "It's just that you always took your losses gracefully. But, after the incident, I wondered if maybe you grew tired of it."

". . . Before going to school I didn't have anyone to play with. Except Chloe, but anyway. All the games I own said 'Adrien' for the High Score. Then, suddenly, I have friends who're actually allowed to come over and just like that I'm not the only one who's at the top of the scoreboards . . . And I loved it. I loved giving my friends a challenge and pushing each other to improve. I loved being number two 'cause that meant there was someone else besides j-just me."

Kagami stared at this sweet, naive, broken boy. He was right, she had seen the similarities between their parents and assumed. The Tsurugi family demanded excellence in all things. Gabriel Agreste was no different. But while Kagami followed her mother's expectations willingly, Adrien felt like he had no choice.

It was an odd feeling, knowing your friend understood you better than you understood him.

"You love fencing. You said it makes you feel free."

". . . It did. Now? It's just a reminder that I wasn't good enough."

"Adrien, I want to help. I do. But I can't if you don't let me. Why do you look at Nino like you're angry with him half the time and proud the other half?"

"It's a secret," he replied, glancing away.

"Why did you quit Rose's band? Officially."

"Creative differences."

"Unofficially."

"Creative! Differences!"

"Why does anything to do with Ladybug and Panthera make you block out everything so much we have to snap you out of it?"

"I'm getting better!" His eyes widened and he covered his mouth. "I-It's the akumas! I get flashbacks!"

She would believe him but in the last akuma attack he had been nothing if not calm and collected. Plus, all his impressive skills in the art of deception flew out the window when he was nervous.

"You can trust me."

Panic flared in his eyes and he looked down. He fidgeted with the slightly paler band of skin where his ring used to be. She kept quiet as he debated with himself. Hope and fear warring across his features. Finally his hands stilled and he looked up at her in determination.

"Okay," he took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay."

Adrien led her into one of the empty classrooms and, making sure no one was outside, propped a chair in the doorknob.

"So, I know this'll sound farfetched and you probably won't believe me. I wouldn't believe me either, it's crazy. But it's the truth. I've never told anyone else but it doesn't matter anymore, so I guess it's okay. What I'm trying to say is . . . I was Chat Noir."

Kagami's eyes widened in surprise. It made so much sense. His guilt at not being able to help Marinette, at not being able to save her. His feelings of inadequacy, because who wouldn't feel that way after being replaced so publicly? Chat Noir disappeared the same time Adrien died. All of the puzzle pieces fit, all the inconsistencies resol-

Ladybug left him alone.

Ladybug, his 'partner', left him alone and he'd never said a word against her.

Adrien shifted anxiously. "Kagami, please, say something!"

Snapping out of her thoughts Kagami told him what she should have said a long time ago:

"Thank you, for saving me."

He blushed and looked away. "I wasn't much help. Ladybug did all the important work."

"No." Kagami stepped forward. "I've seen the footage. Ladybug didn't stand a chance against Riposte. Not without you."

"Y-your just saying that to-"

She narrowed her eyes. "Adrien Agreste, when have I ever said anything about someone's capabilities that was vain flattery?"

". . . Never."

Right, now that that was out of the way:

"Who else knows about Chat Noir?"

"Just you and F- one other person. But he doesn't matter anymore." His eyes hardened at the memory.

"Seems like someone who knows your secret identity-"

"Former secret identity."

"-would be important."

"I don't want to talk about him." Adrien's tone left no room for argument, so she let it slide. For now.

"You haven't told Nino? I'd think he'd be the first person you told."

"Yeah . . . Except I don't want him to know."

"Why would you trust me more than the others? You've known them longer, technically I'm still the new kid."

Adrien gave her a confused look. "You've always been honest with me. I thought I should return the favor."

Touched if still a bit unsure at his reasoning, Kagami asked what all of Paris had wondered:

"Why did Chat Noir leave?"

He looked down in shame. ". . . Papillon found out who I was," he whispered so softly Kagami thought she misheard. "Oh, guess that's three people who know."

Kagami willed her voice to remain even. "The psychotic, brainwashing supervillain knows who you are? Why are you so calm about this? No, better question: Why hasn't he done anything about it? No offence Adrien, but you haven't exactly been in the best place these last few months. Why haven't you been akumatized yet?"

She could see Adrien struggle to pull himself out of the downward spiral his thoughts were taking. "I . . . don't know. Papillon hasn't balked at using every underhanded tactic he could think of. Why would he draw the line at . . . me?"

"Do you think he can't akumatize someone with . . . whatever it is you have?" He had never officially told her and the last time she'd brought it up had not ended well.

"Um, I don't think it's that. Even if Papillon won't, or can't, akumatize me, all the villains he's sent since Weredad haven't gone anywhere near the school. The only reason we got caught up in the last one was because the villain sent his minions all over the city. Papillon might have decided to test whether I still had the ring. Once Panthera showed up he must've thought I wasn't worth bothering with . . . Kind of reminds me of someone . . ."

She mulled that over. "Why would he wait so long? That month was the longest Paris has gone without an akuma attack since this whole mess started. Kicking the heroes while they're down is exactly what Papillon would do. So, why didn't he?"

"Maybe he was sick?" Adrien suggested unconvincingly.

Kagami stared at him.

"What? Supervillains can get sick too!"

"I just never thought of him as a person before," she admitted.

"He doesn't make a great argument for himself."

"Wait. If Ladybug doesn't know who you are, were, how would she get the Miraculous back to you?"

He looked away. "I shouldn't say anything, it's risky."

"I thought you were going to be honest with me?"

". . . Remember when I told you we had a supervisor of sorts?"

She nodded then her eyes widened. "That's where Ladybug gets all the other Miraculous!"

He straightened in surprise but slumped down quickly. "He's the 'Great Guardian of the Miraculous', the one who chose Ladybug . . . And who decided to replace Chat Noir."

"Baka!" Kagami hated the man already and she hadn't even met him.

Yet.

Adrien shook his head. "I don't . . . It was the smart thing to do. Chat Noir was c-compromised and . . . And Papillon already succeeded in getting my Miraculous o-o-once. What's stopping him from doing it again? I . . . I was so . . . useless."

"You are not useless!!!"  Kagami shouted, heedless of who would hear.

"Ha! Years of fencing and martial arts. Months of fighting superpowered villains. None of it mattered! It took Ladybug two days to get as good as she is now! How long did I have to catch up!? Two years!? I'm not on her level! Not even in her league! So is she just that good or am I just that incompetent!?"

Tears fell down his face which he wiped at angrily.

Kagami focused herself. She was going to get through to this stubborn boy if she had to beat it into him.

"I don't know Chat Noir. I don't know Ladybug. Or what it's like to wield a Miraculous. But I know Adrien. He is worth more than any name. He is worth more than some magic jewelry. You are worth more than Chat Noir."

There's a fragile hope in his eyes as the tears flowed, so delicate the softest pressure would shatter it. He reached out to her tentatively but paused halfway. So she closed the distance and embraced his lightly shaking form. They stayed that way for a while.

Ch. 1  Ch. 2  Ch. 3  Ch. 4    Ch. 6  Ch. 7  Ch. 8  Ch. 9  Ch. 10  Ch.11  Ch.12  Ch.13  Ch.14  Ch.15  Ch.16  Ch.17  Ch.18  Ch.19  Ch.20  Ch.21  Ch.22

[thearkhound]

Letters to the MSX

Letters to the MSX (MSXにおくる手紙/MSX ni okuru tegami) is an article that was published in the final issue of MSX-FAN magazine (dated August 1995), in which the publication sent out a questionnaire to various people within the video game, computing and consumer electronics industries (from companies such as Micro Cabin, Compile, Game Arts, Sony and Matsushita), asking them about their involvement with the MSX and their thoughts about the platform, which was being discontinued from the market after 12 years in the market.

Originally I only intended to translate Hideo Kojima’s answers to the questionnaire, but then I decided to do the whole article because not only does it bring a lot of insight to the MSX culture in Japan, but it also provides a picture of how the computer industry was back in the mid-90′s and where it was heading. This is why it took me a while to publish this translation (and why I have been inactive on Twitter for almost a month now), since it was not only quite a long article, but there’s also quite a bit of technical jargon and idioms that I wanted to make sure I would get right.

Anyway, I hope that you will enjoy it.

Introduction

We sent out this questionnaire to as many companies as possible who were involved with the MSX via fax or PC. We wanted to publish the thoughts of the people who were involved during that period. We do believe this will lead to our next step.

The contents of the questionnaires are as follows. Please read them fully and compare them.

The text has been printed the way it was sent to us, but editor’s notes have also been in parts that we believe might be too difficult for some readers to comprehend. The text after the red circle is written by the editorial department to introduce the developer who answered the questionnaire, followed by their answers to each question. If the answers to question 1 and 4 given by the person in the previous section, then “same as above” will written in its place.

MSX-FAN Final Questionnaire

Company’s name

Name and current department

Job(s) during the MSX era

Most notable MSX products by the company

Your most nostalgic MSX moment and why

Words you wish to impart to MSX-FAN readers

Bonus/ Secrets, inside stories or such you wish to share

Tokihiro Naito

We can’t help but feel from reading Mr. Naito’s comment that the MSX was a machine that everyone made good use of. With such powerful talents, his games have served as an inspiration to numerous players. Before long, people learn about the enjoyment of creating games just like Mr. Naito... We feel it’s quite a wonderful chain.

T&E Soft

Tokihiro Naito, Development Division

DD Club/Pattern Editor Programming and Manual Manuscript Creation, Undead Line/Game Design. Hydlide/Game Design and Direction, Hydlide 3/Main Programming, Rune Worth/Game and Direction. I feel there were more projects (I’ve worked on), but I don’t remember any of them.

3D Golf Simulation, Hydlide series, Laydock series, Daiva, Psy-O-Blade, Rune Worth, DD Club, T&E Disk Magazine, and more

Laydock/ The truth is that I want to talk about everything I’ve worked on, but this particular title left the most lasting impression. This had an unexpectedly short development time, meaning that it was released even before the new MSX hardware. However, the developing target was pretty unstable, and with the hardware and BIOS specifications changing everyday, it led to a difficult development period. The person in charge was all (^ ^;

The MSX was a very interesting job for me. The MSX was probably the first time I was introduced to the concept of a VDP at such an early stage. Since the MSX was also the first machine I’ve ever experienced the use of sprites with, it was personally very fun. Even though MSX-FAN might be gone now, I hope many people will still use the MSX as a starting machine for programming or for making CGI.

DD Club contained a tool called SPEN, which was not a product by the company. It was actually a hobby program I designed in my home for over two years. At any rate, the name stood for Special Pattern Editor for Naito. This program was given free of charge to T&E Soft as my dedication to them./During the development of Laydock, I received a new BIOS-ROM from ASCII almost everyday, but every time the BIOS was changed it would cause the game to stop running, and we had to cool out the prototype MSX2 computer with a paper fan while programming as soon as it was overheating./ The 800 kanji fonts for the MSX1 version of Hydlide III that were on a 7x8 pixel format were in fact created by me. Were they hard to read? I’m sorry if that was the case./ There are many more unrevealed inside stories, but... (Editor’s Note 1: We this much content, we can’t publish this letter without cutting off some parts. Hmm...) (Editor’s Note 2: Hmm, I wonder if the other editor has seen that one last sentence.) (^ ^;

Akira Misoda

In the MSX world there is Micro Cabin. Nothing else needs to be said. We are grateful to them for many things. We thank them for porting Princess Maker to the MSX. And in addition to providing software for our supplemental disks, we learned many things from Mr. Nakano as the lecturer for our Picture Story & Movie Classroom articles. Producer Misoda has made an effort to backup all the above. I don’t think the Princess Maker port would’ve happened without his influence.

Micro Cabin

Akira Misoda, 1st R&D Department

Producer & Programmer of Campaign Daisenryaku. Programmer of The Tower of Cabin. Producer of Princess Maker.

Fray, Xak, Xak II, Maison Ikkoku, Urusei Yatsura, Daisenryaku, Super Daisenryaku, Princess Maker, Illusion City, The Tower of Gazzel.

This doesn’t have anything to do with the MSX version specifically, but Xak was the first game I programmed desperately after I’ve joined the company. I gave the rough source code to Mr. Nakatsu when he joined the company to produce the MSX version, but I’m still impressed that such a difficult code to understand could be ported so well.

The MSX is a hardware that has raised many people. There are quite a few people at Micro Cabin who used to be MSX users before joining the company. With the proper knowhow, you could make games on the MSX without having to purchase any expensive add-on (compared to other platforms). In that sense, it’s such a great loss that another platform that has produced game-making geniuses (!?) is disappearing from the industry. I might be exaggerating a bit, but... I really feel that way.

I’ve worked on the MSX prior to joining Micro Cabin. I did around four outsourced jobs from three different companies, and two of them were for Micro Cabin.

Yasuhiko Nakatsu

Programmers are said to stay up all night, tend to run away and are all unusual men, but there is no one who makes good products that keeps his deadlines, sleeps on time, and provides gentle guidance to everyone. We at the editorial department asked for such a person to serve as our lecturer for our picture story show articles. We are grateful to Mr. Nakatsu for everything he did to us and we apologize for asking too much of him. We are truly sorry for that.

Same as above

Yasuhiko Nakatsu, 1st R&D Department

Planning, programming, writing

Same as above.

I have many fond memories of software that came out on the MSX. Among there was this software called Su**s Gri... Oops! I’ve almost mentioned something I shouldn’t. My bad. My bad. Personally, Illusion City was my most memorable game when it comes to the most hardships I have to endure.

Thank you for publishing my articles after such a long period. For those who are not good at programming at BASIC, please look up any back issues and try your best at creating a picture story. The MSX was a machine with many ways to enjoy oneself. I look forward to future activities with the platform.

I was the one responsible for raising the memory of the A1-GT to 512Kb. Thanks to that, the machine was able to play MIDI without the burden of access time. I’m truly grateful at everyone in Matsushita.

Hitoshi Suenaga

Rather than introduce the person, I thought it would be more fitting to introduce his projects. He’s a talented genius responsible for the character designs in Micro Cabin.

Same as above

Hitoshi Suenaga, 2nd R&D Department

Xak 1, Fray, Daisenryaku, Illusion City

Same as above

Xak 1, since it was the first MSX project I ever worked on after joining the company.

I am grateful to everyone who supported our work, as well as everyone answered the questionnaire. While it’s sad that the world will go on without the MSX, I will still use it for my hobbies and personal work. In fact the character units in the 3DO version of Konpeki no Kantai were drawn on my MSX computer and then converted to the console.

If you want to be honest, if ASCII had asked for my input, I would’ve balanced out the hardware specifications of the MSX turbo R a bit more and I think the platform would’ve been around a bit longer. When I learned about the MSX turbo R’s hardware specifications after unveiling conference, I began crying on my bed... I’m serious! The MSX2 was a serviceable upgrade from the MSX1, but after that...

Katsuya Nagai

Mr. Nagai made one MSX software after the other while in Micro Cabin thanks to his love for the MSX and the effort he made to program every day and night.

Same as above.

Katsuya Nagai, 1st R&D Department

Programmed the opening and ending of Xak I. Also made the fighting minigame in The Tower of Cabin.

Same as above.

I was involved with Xak I as soon as I’ve joined the company.

Even though we are no longer making MSX games, we hope you’ll still support Micro Cabin in the future.

The Fray vs. Pixie minigame from The Tower of Cabin was ported from the PC-9801 version and I got to draw the animation patterns of a special move that was planned for the game. However, not all the animation frames could fit into the game’s memory, so I ended up using the regular patterns instead.

Naoko Arakawa

When talking about the TAKERU software vending machines, there is Ms. Arakawa. She was always full of energy when we met her during events. She even worked together with our editorial staff on the Sorcerian port, which is a project that brings us deep memories. She also worked on Sorcerian Relay, which is included in this final issue. Since it’s just a relay race game featuring characters from Sorcerian created by the editorial staff, it might not be anything special, but... We would be grateful is she re-releases more classic MSX software via TAKERU.

Xing

Naoko Arakawa, TAKERU Executive Office (sales division G)

Sales promotion of MSX software for TAKERU

Sorcerian, BURAI Vol. 2, ect.

Thanks to the news announcement from MSX-FAN, our game reprinting project attracted attention from many users, which evolved into the TAKERU Meisaku Bunko (Masterpiece Library) series. We;re now re-releasing PC-9801 and X68000 games on TAKERU as well, becoming an important pillar of our service more than ever. I think it was all thanks to the planning of MSX-FAN and our MSX users.

I truly salute MSX users for their passion, enthusiasm and creative urge. While we gathered many games for our reprint series, there were still quite a few things that left a bit to be desired (like why we didn’t include games from a certain company or why we didn’t include a particular title). There were many games that did not come out on TAKERU due to various circumstances, so we apologize for that. From now on we’ll do our best to have software reach MSX users via TAKERU, even if it’s just a few game. Please support us.

I have strong memories of sneaking out to see the A-Bomb Dome while I was en route to the MSX Festival in Hiroshima. On another occasion, I was photographed by a professional for the first time when I was interviewed by Mr. Tokita and Mr. Sasaya. The photo looked like a portrait than any normal photo. It’s one of my most treasured possessions.

Akkii

Falcon is a company that undertook a substantial role in the porting of Sorcerian that MSX-FAN and TAKERU (Brother) helped produce. Their president, Ms. Midori Ito, while working for Yamaha to promote the MSX, unexpectedly ended up becoming a programmer herself and before long she ended up marrying Mr. Kazuhiko Ito, who was employed at Micro Cabin at the time. The two ended up forming their own software development company. Answering in this section is Mr. Moribe, who was the lead graphic designer.

Tierheit (aka Falcon)

Akkii, Planning & Development Department - Development Section 2

Pixel art, debugging, intermediary with TAKERU’s executive officer, and many other jobs

Sorcerian, Sengoku Sorcerian, Pyramid Sorcerian

All of it, of course. It was the first company I’ve joined and the first job I was employed at.

The ending of Sorcerian was very anti-climatic. I’m sorry about that. Of course, the MSX is a hardware that exists because of its users. Even if this magazine will no longer be in print, the MSX scene will remain active as long as there are users, especially when it comes graphic designing (personally). Good luck!

Well there’s something I want to say, but... Oh no!

Yoshihide

I often used to go to the MSX Fair. I used to work at Osaka, bu moved back to Tokyo along with my wife last year. I want to know if the secret title was Dragon Spirit or Valkyrie.

Namco

Yoshihide, Consumer Sales Department - Promotion Division

MSX software sales and PR activities (including planning). Since there weren’t that many people, I did a bit of everything.

Return of Ishtar, Xevious: Farland Saga, Pac-Mania, ect. We also did the Disk NG series too.

For Xevious, I remember doing a bit of everything ranging from joining in the planning, production, advertising, distribution, sales and public relations.

I wish good luck to everyone involved with the MSX at Namco (including our users).

There were many games that we announced, but didn’t get released. On one hand I think it’s regrettable, but on the other hand it’s a bit horrifying.

Masamitsu Niitani

It’s because of Disk Station magazine that the MSX became an interesting world. It’s because of them that we had the Puyo Puyo series and Carbunkle. With its low-price, the fun-packed Disk Station was a brilliant plan that managed to rejuvenate an industry that has hit a rut. It was always a pleasure to deal with President Niitani himself when calling the company, even if it was the middle of the night.

Compile

Masamitsu Niitani, President

Planner, Producer, Graphic Designer, Programmer

Guardic, Madō Monogatari, Nyanpi, Golvellius, Rune Master, Adventure of Randar, Disk Station

Disk Station

Let’s walk with the times

I want to talk to Mr. Nishii of ASCII about his thoughts on the MSX.

Yoichi Miyaji

The founders of Game Arts got their start as part-timers at ASCII back in the old days. Because of their talent, they quickly formed their own company, where they gave birth to Thexder. At any rate, we had a chance to seriously think about developing for the MSX with Mr. Miyaji.

Game Arts

Yoichi Miyaji, President

Producer

Thexder, Fire Hawk, the Gyuwamburaa Jikō Chūshinha series, the Sum series

The debugging of the MSX-BASIC rom was carried out back when the founders of Game Arts were employed at ASCII. I think the BASIC was made extremely well.

I treasured the MSX like it was my own child. I did my best with the belief that the MSX was a better hardware than the Famicom (NES). It’s been more than 10 years (ed’s note: 12 years precisely), the age of the Famicom is over now and it’s time to let the MSX go too. It’s truly been a long time.

Satoshi Uesaka

Mr. Uesaka was the one who originally created the card concentration game called Card Desu as soon as MSX-FAN started including supplemental disks on each issue. It had an edit function in hopes that it would lead to a series of edited works, but not many edited versions were made and the whole thing amounted to nothing.

Same as above.

Satoshi Uesaka, Section Chief of Development

Producer, Director, Programmer, Pixel Artist, Scripter... I did many things.

Same as above.

The Sum series ended with 14 games that were released in a span of a single year.

Never forget your dreams, even when they end. (plagiarized)

Kamiji

BIT2′s president Mr. Kuribayashi was observing various creative tools for the PC-9801 one day when said that he would make his own versions to surpass them on the MSX. So he ended up making the CGI tool Graphsaurus, the FM music tool Synthesaurus and the MIDI tool Midisaurus. Without these tools there would’ve been no CGI contest on MSX-FAN and no MIDI Sandogaza column. In Mr. Kuribayashi’s place, this questionnaire was answered by saleswoman Ms. Kamiji.

BIT²

Kamiji, Sales

Accounting

Graphsaurus, Synthesaurus, Famicle Parodic

When they started putting all their efforts into the Turbo R and GT was when the MSX started sinking.

We still wanted to make MSX software, but since not many people were buying them anymore, we had to discontinue them.

Toshikazu Awano

While persistently providing software for the MSX, he also provided his invaluable insights on the MSX during the MSX Symposium (see our June 1991 issue). It seems he got into this world from the records industry, but has since be transferred into KOEI’s U.S. subsidiary and is now busy selling English versions of the Nobugana’s Ambition series for consoles.

Koei

Toshikazu Awano, Koei Corporation (of America)

Head of Sales

Nobunaga’s Ambition, Romance of the Three Kingdoms

Nobunaga’s Ambition II came out when I’ve joined the company and since it sold pretty well, it left me with a strong impression.

Our company used to sell MSX soft until very late, but when we discontinued them, we suddenly receiving porting requests from MSX users. Many of them were specifically middle and high schoolers with a strong sense of appreciation.

Tatsuo Matsuda

As someone who greatly loves the MSX beyond all else, he aspired to turn it into a machine that gives everyone the opportunity to bloom their talents. That is, even if you’re not rich or you live in a rural area, you should be able to use the MSX to awaken your hidden talent by creating CGI and music or get the opportunity to express yourself.

ASCII

Tatsuo Matsuda, Multimedia Department Promotion Manager

Promotion for MSX Sales

MSX

We have shipped over 4 million home computers to young people around the world, including Japan.

I want you to become smart Japanese people with unique personalities who could work around the world.

There are still many people using the MSX around the world. The MSX should be classified as a computer, not a game console. I’m very pleased that many people have learned about computers from this platform and have found employment through it.

Hitoshi Suzuki

Everyone who was involved with MSX has called him a genius. Without his genius, perhaps MSX wouldn’t had gotten such a good BASIC program. Nevertheless, he’s a truly wonderful person with a sense of humor who made Basic-kun as a side-project

Same as above.

Hitoshi Suzuki, Director of Digital System Division and Silicon Software Development

Listener to Mr. Matsuda’s complaints and causing uproars at parties.

I haven’t really done that much (Ed’s Note: He did a lot. Many of the programming for tools and systems used by the MSX were done by him.)

Yukiko Okada’s suicide haunted me. (Ed’s Note: At the time of her death, she was appearing in the advertising of a certain company.)

Our youth is a brief moment that only shines once. The memories that have gone through all of us at a rapid-pace will shine within me forever. And on my deathbed, I will utter “Em...Ess...Ex” as my last words.

There’s a huge mouse in Osaka. (Ed’s Note:It seems that the three main proponents of the MSX platform (Mr. Yamashita, Mr. Matsuda, Mr. Suzuki) once went to a business trip in Osaka. Nobody truly knows what happened there, but it seems that Mr. Matsuda was nicknamed Mr. Mouse after a certain incident. Don’t tell anyone, you meanie!)

Shingo Tamura

Mr. Tamura joined Sony at the midst of the audioboom. He was responsible for the famed live recording machine Densuke. Afterward, he became involved with the MSX and was in charge of the PalmTop. Even though Mr. Tamura is the section chief with a scary reputation, he’s actually a romantic who likes the stars, nature and soba noodles. We thought about what Sony means as a company with stuff such as sending mail through the internet in this day. Is it linked to their merchandising? We also wanted to emphasize the MSX’s side as a cool PC.

Sony

Shingo Murata, Planning and Development of Merchandising

Sales Chief of Planning and Development of Hardware, Software and Peripherals

The HB-55 was the first HiTBiT promoted by Saeko Matsuda. The HB-F1 was a budget-priced MSX2 computer that retailed at 32,800 yen. The HB-F1XD is an MSX2 with a floppy disk drive that retailed at 54,800 yen. In terms of games, there was The Wiz, which was perhaps a famed Sony original.

There was a software called Igo Club that was an online go game, and a Kanji Video Titler. There was also a BASIC-learning kit aimed at an industrial-level (after applying for the correspondence education, you would be sent an MSX with a handbook).

Every middle schooler who got their start on the MSX dreamed differently from Famicom owners. They could learn how to program or how to make a software run to their own accord. They continued in their creative endeavors now, even now as adults. If they can have home terminals like that in the 21st century, I think we can once again stir up some creativity. As long as people have dreams, we’ll embark on new challenges.

We tried to make and sell all kinds of products. The hardware is a business that really ought to make use of the software. With that in mind, we couldn’t make the DC machine (Ed’s note:a portable device) because the resolution was a bit overly optimistic and there were too many constraints. I would like to thank my subordinates, editor-in-chief Ms. Kitane and her staff, and my good friends at Sakurakai (Ed’s note: a liaison between multiple MSX hardware manufacturers that gathered once in every month, where they would improve on the good points, reflect on the bad ones and collaborate with each other. It was last held in May ‘95), even if they would normally be suspected of bid-rigging. And of course, everyone at ASCII. It was thanks to the MSX that I had a bond we all of the above people. And what would become of Mr. Kurami, our MSX historian at Sony who served as our walking encyclopedia? Thanks!

Naoya Kurami

Mr. Kurami is a delicate perfect fit for Sony’s corporate image. Everytime he received a call from our editorial department, he always winced momentarily whenever it was some kind of difficult call... Despite that, he seems to have what appears to be a poster of Saeko-chan...

Same as above.

Naoya Kurami, Vice Director of Planning and Development of Merchandising

Planning and Promotion of hardware, software and peripherals

Same as above

I don’t know if it can be said that its directly MSX-related, but do you know the stock-trading computer HB-T600 or the online go software Igo Club? Either way, studying stocks and studying go was a painful experience. And considering all that, the results were not quite good.

Well, for better or worse I spent the last ten years of my life working on the MSX. With this information now out on an MSX-related magazine, I feel a bit embarrassed. By the way, I own a train poster of Ms. Seiko Matsuda (advertising for our HiTBiT computers) as a souvenir from the past. I thought about selling it for a high price... I would like to thank all of editors at MSX-FAN and all of its readers. It’s been such a long time.

Hideaki Yagami

We, at the editorial staff, get the impression that the people at Matsushita are very serious and diligent. Both, their hardware and software are designed with the need to bring enjoyment to their users without betraying their expectations. Only Matsushita machines are strong against instantaneous blackouts and their PACs (Pana Amusement Cartridges) might had been a manifestation of that mentality. Under such circumstances, Mr. Yagami  (who is also skilled at skiing) was pretty good at gaining the trust of the software house (not just for the debugging meetings) and still is to this day.

Matsushita

Hideaki Yagami, Software Development Department of the Interactive Media Division

Development & Planning of Software at the Pana Amusement Production

The FS-5500F2 is famous for being the first MSX computer with 2 disk drives. The FS-A1 was a budget-pridced MSX2 that retailed 29,800 yen. The PACs were MSX cartridges containing S-RAM backup. Other products include the CF-XXX series, the FM-PAC, a Bowling System and an educational system aimed for Russia (that’s a secret)

The AshGuine series were a series of games starring the first character made by our company. We made the games all-night at the development site with the developers from the various companies involved to decide on the content of each game, their packaging and the posters.

When the MSX was brought to this world, a personal computer meant for the users something that could run the program they made, not just the packaged software they bought from a store. In today’s world, computers take many shape in order to support the needs of the world, but in spite of that it’s no longer easy to program by yourself, even if you own a PC. Even though PCs are becoming much closer to humans now, I can’t helped but feel a sense of nostalgia when the distance between them was more primitive, that is to say when a PC was just a programming tool. Back then the PC was the embodiment of a user’s dreams full of possibilities. It could be said that people who lived through the era when PCs were born are living witnesses of a valuable era that brought fruit to a trend of rapid creation and evolution. Keep those memories of freshness in mind and continue dreaming, seeking the possibilities of new challenges.

I wonder if there was any other unified effort between multiple home electronics manufacturers to promote a unified standard (MSX). MSX-FAN may have ended with this issue, but for the hardware manufacturers I think it was an era of everyone pursuing the dream of a single unified standard of PC. To all the companies that provided software, I’m truly grateful. I’m also grateful to Ms. Kitane and the rest of the editors of Tokuma for being there until the end. And finally, I would like to thank of all the MSX users who supported the platform.

Kazuaki Hiraga

Mr. Hiraga was suddenly put in charge of the MSX in a matter of months and became a familiar figure in ten years, leaving quite an impression. He has the personality you would expect. He plays Gekitotsu Pennant Race pretty well too. He also planned to lend out MSX computers to a culture festival. Thanks to that, he experienced a “ghost incident” in the Kanazawa Inn. At any rate, he held a mini-4WD competition to bring excitement to the event and played games with other users. In a sense, he was a familiar and energetic face to the MSX.

Same as above.

Kazuaki Hiraga, Software Development Department of the Interactive Media Division

As a member of the PAP, I’ve worked as a contact for various software providers and at the same time I was involved in the development of original software and peripherals (such as the PACs). I also planned  and managed nationwide events. I was Pana Amusement Club member no. 0001! By the way, the Amusement Club began business around the time Vampire Killer came out

Same as above.

At the beginning many hardware manufacturers created MSX machines, but in the end it became a fateful confrontation between Matsushita and Sony. Right now our Panasonic-branded products are selling quite well, especially our TVs and videos, but our no. 1 product in Japan is the “A1″. This symbolizes the magnitude of expectations that Matsushita applies to its products.

Looking at the current software industry, there are quite a few people who joined the industry from the MSX, so I feel it’s a big deal. in that sense, I appreciate all those people who are still passionate about the MSX and I’m eagerly awaiting even more people to become experts in the field of software development.

Thanks to the MSX, I have a nice family (ed’s note: Mr. Hiraga met his wife when she was the host of an MSX event. They now have a child together). It was also fun to go through various events nationwide and talk to representatives of software houses and magazines. Everyone gave it their best during the 4WD races in particular. (ed’s note:Mr. Naito of T&E Soft is known for using a turbo mode technique that connected batteries in a serial format.) One of the packaging illustrators for the AshGuine series was the now-famous Teppei Sasakura (who at the time was an unknown). Looking at the prices of Mr. Sasakura’s works recently, I tried to look for the original painting, but it’s nowhere to be found. Ah!

Masao Ito

Mr. Ito is an obliging person who planned out products he thought of while working on Matsushita’s hardware designs. If things are any indication, we believe he made the FM-PAC by embracing a headfirst approach. Within the people at Matsushita who supported the MSX until the end, Mr. Ito has been patiently answering various questions from our editorial staff up until this final issue.

Same as above.

Masao Ito, Planning and Selling of Foreign Software for the Interactive Media Division (I’m making 3DO stuff now).

First I worked on hardware designs. But then I acted as a jack-of-all-trades, examining the MSX standards at the same time. At the the end, I was responsible for product planning, as well as in charge of designing domestic and overseas systems.

Same as above

In Russia, I almost got arrested by the Moscow police one time after spending several consecutive nights bowling there.

The MSX was a cost-effective platform. It was useful in various ways if you knew how to use it well. While the MSX’s days are numbered, its ideal still remains true. The concept will surely be revived in the future (don’t hesitate to ask in which form).

I did quite a lot of things, but for some reason I am still an unknown in this industry. The PAC and FM-PAC cartridges were possible thanks to me! By the way, I’m still waiting to receive my own PAC and FM-PAC from the company.

Yuya Iwakiri

Mr. Iwakiri is a gentleman who organized many MSX events that gave us the chance to gather everyone. He supported up us until the end.

Same as above.

Yuya Iwakiri, Public Relations Department Editorial Department

As a professional, I’m a latecomer to the MSX when I was employed in 1989. In my private life, the first MSX computer I touched was a so-called King Kong word processor, which was a unique experience. Because I came from an advertising background, I focused on the planning and organizing of MSX fairs, where I involved in the creations of catalogs and advertisement (thinking about it though, the job was rather lonely since MSX-FAN was practically the only MSX-focused media remaining by that point), as well as the promotion and advertising of word processors (such as the UI series and the SLALA model).

Same as above.

For me, it’s perhaps the FS-A1GT, which ended up becoming the last MSX machine ever produced. The slight hopes of everyone who had an affection for the MSX, such as Ms. Kitagane, whom I have a strong rapport with, and the various celebrities (in every sense of the word) from all sorts of software house starting with Mr. Tanaka (director general of Micro Cabin), were gathered thanks  at the nationwide fairs thanks to this machine. Until the bitter end, there was hope for another model, hope for the uncertain future of the MSX... Even though I knew how it was going to end, I still couldn’t help but feel a sense of bitterness when it was over. It was like falling in love with someone you were forbidden to, like a feudal lord and a peasant or Romeo & Juliet...I thought about why I was given a job during such a moment.

There’s always one way or another to do things because of the mischief of the age. I don’t want to ponder any “what ifs”, “perhaps” and “if only”, but just like life, I still wonder if the MSX could ever return to the starting line... I’m sure everyone involved with the MSX is thinking this as well. In this age in which Microsoft is now threatening IBM’s grasp of the PC market, it would wonderful to imagine the MSX engine from Japan taking over the world.

My kids (ages 6 and 4) play all sorts of gaming platforms. The Game Boy, the Super Famicom and the 3DO. But they really like MSX games over everything else. Perhaps they inherited my preference and nostalgia for MSX games... DNA is quite a scary thing. Anyway, I’m truly grateful to all the MSX fans around the world! Until we’ll meet again.

Masayuki Takeuchi

“Study hard and play hard” is a saying that suits this person. That’s because studying and playing are truly above-average.

Same as above.

Masayuki Takeuchi, Interactive Media Division Software Development Department Promotion and Planning Section

Planning for advertising and sales promotion.

Same as above

Before PCs became widespread, we put out the first MSX word processor with a built-in printer, which was a pretty successful product. Another product we put out was the A1, a budget-priced MSX2 computer sold at 29,800 yen. In order to promote the A1 at the time, we did several publicity campaigns such as a truck that traveled all over the country and the advertising character AshGuine. They were pretty memorable ad campaigns.

I'm sorry that it’s over. However, I’m truly grateful that people still appreciate the MSX to this day.

There was a golf game from Hudson that was pretty popular where you could switch between a professional and amateur mode. There was also a shooting game called Zanac, in which I made a bet with another employee named S-kun, who offered me a yen for each point I made. He owes me 2.4 million.

Taro Sugimoto

Even though Panasonic has officially ceased advertising their MSX computers in our magazine, they continue to publish advertisement for their U1 word processors. Perhaps they did out of obligation, but I feel they cherish their users more than that. Some members of their MSX development team has since moved on to the 3DO, but they still demonstrate their power even in their word processors. Because my nickname among my seniors was also “Taro”, I would often ignore people calling me out during MSX events if they didn’t attach my surname.

Same as above.

Taro Sugimoto, I.T. Division Commercial Affairs

I was doing promotion and advertisement under Takeuchi, Iwakiri and Hiraga, all whom I’ve received regards individually. In particular I was in charge of the MSX game events that were held once in every season. Since I was employed by the sales and promotion department, I never got around to making my own product, but I did write a utility book for an A1 peripheral. As a freshman employee at the time, it was my first experience with a PC, so it was extremely memorable.

Same as above.

The above-mentioned event. While I still organize events nowadays, the MSX Festival was the basis for everything. I used to travel all around the country, ate various delicacies and became acquainted with various representatives of software publishers, including Ms. Kitane, all whom have become valuable assets to me. I still treasured the t-shirt and sweatshirt that were produced for those events.

I’m currently in charge of advertising and managing promotion for our word processors and MSX-FAN could help us out by published our ads in each issue... I think. I’m sorry.

While organizing an event in Osaka, there was lack of manpower, so I helped out while wearing a sweatshirt. I was already in my second year within the company and I ran into a college acquaintance at the venue and he asked me “you’re still working as a part-timer.” Anyway, please support our word processors.

Hideo Kojima

When one hears the name Konami, a mountain of memories pop up. Konami has been releasing software vigorously since the beginning of the MSX’s lifespan and they always had an amazing quality to them. We have wonderful memories of games such as the fun Antarctic Adventure and Space Manbow, which turned out to be a good game despite constant delays thanks to the commitment of the developers. It seems that Konami carries the philosophy during development that one has to observe games that are hits or duds, and understand why they sell or not. As a result, Konami has created the most splendid games in the world. In such circumstances, Mr. Kojima created a new kind of game with a scenario for the PC market that wouldn’t had been possible in an arcade environment.

Konami

Hideo Kojima, Development Section 5

Planning, writing, direction, and a few character designs

For Kojima: Metal Gear, Snatcher, Solid Snake. For Konami in general: the Nemesis series, the Knightmare trilogy, Yie-Ar Kung-Fu, Space Manbow, Penguin Adventure, The Goonies, and many more.

My most memorable project was the original Metal Gear. Back then I was a rookie who didn’t know to distinguish between his right and his left, so I didn’t know how to make a game at the time. I didn’t even know how to get assistance from people. I had no credibility as a planner (since my previous game proposal got rejected). I think it was pretty reckless of me to create a new type of game. I had nothing but enthusiasm to drive me.

With the MSX, there was a sense of “learning together” and “living together.” In particular, I was full of feelings that I shared with players during my youth. My game development career was never in the limelight, so I don’t know how much the sincere opinions of all my players have encouraged and supported me. Even now I’m still encouraged by the correspondences of players from those days. I think there’s some sort of coexistence that goes beyond the framework between a receiver and a sender.

Each year new talent enter the game industry. Among them are many people that choose this path by being inspired by the MSX. At the very the least they inherited a burning passion for the MSX. The users (receivers) and developers (senders) will always remember the “sensation” of that time. If they have “pride”, then I’m sure the game industry will move towards a good direction.

[choric]

( park jimin - demimale, he/they ) — did you see noeul han walking down the street? the twenty-three year old has lived here for three weeks. i heard they’re an aspiring painter & a part-time barista now, time sure flies. gooey by glass animals always did remind of them, maybe it’s because they’re so audacious & charitable. though i did hear they can also be commanding & capricious if you catch them on a bad day.

hey babes drum-roll it’s admin fany here to welcome yall~ with some random info about me I guess uh so I’m 26, living in northern europe, most of the time dying bc I’m not made for these hot ass summers, other times just being distracted twelve times outta ten jsyk I’m not ignoring anyone my attention span is just in the negatives. or I’m playing overwatch. or subnautica when I’m feeling particularly masochistic.  would drop dead without tea. ye. that’s all for today folks

anyway here’s Noeul’s profile if you wanna peep also a very messy plot page aaaand I’m gonna ramble about him now uwu

tw: emotional abuse, tw: assault ( kinda brief mentions, esp the assault, I tried keeping it safe )

born in Seoul but his family moved to USA when he was barely 6. they moved around a l o t since then but stayed within the borders. save for one weird year in France back in 2010

he haTED it. all the constant moving around and starting at new schools with new people trying to get new friends and find new hobbies and leaving pretty much everything behind so often just stressed the hell out of his young self and he was in a perpetual state of over-emotional about the whole ordeal and angry and bitter and yeah. not having a good time

over the years he managed to find ways to cope with it, drawing and painting being a major thing as it was one of very few things he could just continue without any special arrangements made or it feeling different. putting all that bent up negativity on paper was helpful in itself so he stuck with it without much thought then, clinging into a lifeline of one constant in a sea of variables

later on it morphed from being less of a therapeutic activity and more one of him being able just flow with creativity, paint with a less personal agenda and enjoy it way more too ( not to say he doesn't still use it as a form of escapism too )

reading was another thing he found enjoyment in, especially during his early teenage years. that is something he doesn't engage that often in anymore however

his parents didn’t really care about what hobbies he took on ( even with painting carrying throughout the years he ended up trying a whole slew of other things too ) until it became apparent he was actually considering art as a legit career path. neither agreed it being a good idea but they didn’t flat out deny him either.. just were very patronising about it for months and by that time he had come to actual decision of going through with it out of pettiness alone lmao. which of course served nothing but to legit piss them off and led to a number of arguments they still have to this day yikes

his parents entire view on life seemed to be there was no point getting attached to anything, sentimentality was a flaw and you could just buy everything you needed again without much care for what was left behind. especially his mom had a lot of emotionally abusive ways to steer his life in the direction she wanted, but giving just enough freedom for him to think he had a say in anything. not to say she wasn’t supportive and encouraging too but he honest to god can’t tell now how much of it was genuine. she was especially fond of using subtle blackmail in form of referring to her own feelings and how his actions will upset her, occasionally bursting into a loud tirade which was then quickly pushed to the side without any apologies for making him in turn upset so boy was always just on edge. this still happens but he pretty much only communicates with her through calls anymore so, Noeul just hangs up when she starts acting up. his dad was more the type to not involve himself into his hobbies and likes or anything at all he only cared about academic plans.

that all messed him up big time in his younger years bc he was inherently just very attached to everything and everyone but now.. it’s almost the complete opposite, enough repetition and shit will stick I guess cause he has next to no sentimental feelings towards anything, in turn actually loves travelling and meeting new people now. partially also cause he doesn’t feel obligated to uphold anything or allow himself being chained down, he treats everything like it’s fleeting, but not without care– don’t assume he doesn’t care when that’s something he does in abundance actually. he just.. accepts nothing lasts forever. ironic enough he’s adopted far too many of his parent’s habits to count now but has grown more tender with the experiences rather than cold. probably a miracle in itself. hella guarded about his feelings tho

so yeah he moved to LA ( parents were at the time both living in NYC ) for art school and got that bachelor of fine arts degree, graduating just spring last year and has no desire to further those studies cause screw school he’s done with institutions for a decade

also his parents filed for divorce while he was at it. before he was even done with freshman year. wasn’t all too surprising nor did he have anything to really say about it, except the times mom called him whilst drunk and essentially blamed it on him being a bad son :/// his dad’s fucked off somewhere he hasn’t heard whole lot from him in last three years beside birthday texts and money transfers to his bank account. and subtle messages through mom about how he expects him to clean up one of these days. meanwhile mom mostly contacts just to check he’s alive & doing well financially while slipping in vague ‘if you would have just listened to me‘s and ‘when will you come to your senses’s >_>

forgot to mention his dad’s a CEO of a small airline company. don’t ask me what his mom does idk prob some manager of a huge ass successful online shop?? something along those lines

will not speak about them if asked tbh don't expect anything other than "they're alive."

does not like announcing his ( their ) wealth to the world either and tries not to make decisions that could reflect that but something always has to give in the end. like he’s just way too happy to blow money on other people no matter how subtle he tries to be about it and often like his parents buys new stuff instead of finding ways to bring his old along, some of his clothes are also a dead giveaway it’s not so much that he specifically purchases anything cause it’s designer but if it looks nice he doesn’t see it as any different buying from any other store around. smells awfully lot like privilege but he’s unapologetic in getting exactly what he wants, it’s not his problem if someone takes offence to that

kind of also hates that he’s so dependant on parent’s money still but has made peace with it by giving away and works twice as hard for his own stuff, regardless if it yields anything cause he’s not doing this whole painting thing as a means to gain money ( would like to, but alas, it’s a tricky career path ) more from pure passion for the art

and noeul def is not gonna tell them to stop sending him cash he'll just have fun spending it in all the shit they'd hate-- even if they've basically set conditions but weird enough haven't cut him off yet.  guess that really is the only thing they can give him and they know it too :)) 

so. doesn’t actually like sitting idle even tho he all but could, yet cannot happily place himself in an establishment with very strict 9 to 5 shifts and such, so if and when he takes on extra work occasionally it’s always part-time, and for own personal gratification

in the case of him recently taking on a spot as a part-time barista here in acarike ( started like, two days ago or something ) was also bc of keeping up appearances ( surely he would run out of money eventually? no, but no one needs to know that ) and getting to know some of the people around since his group of road-tripping friends have seriously decided to settle in

if anyone was wondering yes he has experience working in cafes, among other places. his parents abhorred him taking on such jobs at all cause “what was the point? are we not providing enough?” first of all did he ask?

I guess he is currently residing in the stardust motel?? but is looking for a place

for him travelling in the past few years has been sorta cathartic, inspiring if I dare say both in personal growth and in his work since he can decide on everything by himself, where he wants to go, for how long, for why etc

sometimes likes when he has company for that, other times he just needs to make a trip in solitary. altogether prefers meeting random people along the way

is a kind of odd friend, loyal, compassionate and all that but puts himself before anyone else. or rather puts his emotional and other needs before everything else. if he feels you’re the one getting more out of it than he is it’s not worth it sorry. very generous tho and sees it as his duty to help others in any way if it doesn’t inconvenience him. not unreliable but available only when it suits him. so unless it’s life threatening or emotional distress he will not drop everything for even a friend’s sake you can wait an hour or two. can make friends as quick as he drops them

might get a little inappropriately affectionate with friends. especially so when intoxicated

is an even weirder lover. he loves the idea and feeling of being in love and the emotional thrill of it. relationships are fun yeah but commitment?? not in his. vocabulary. to elaborate he lives for the push and pull and the suspense of it all and needs things to stay stimulating on all levels across the board when deepening relationships further while also being able to maintain a sense of own freedom. he craves the sort of emotional security and gratification it all brings but refuses to become dependant on it ( he knows how that will go ), furthermore does not like all the limitations it brings nor everything being perfect to the point of feeling fake??

tries to make it clear that he’s NOT looking for anything long term but even then people haven’t taken it well when he out of the blue announces they should stop whatever it is they’re doing. he always feels bad about it and tries to part in good terms but yeah :// many hearts have been broken. it’s probably even worse for the other person cause Noeul himself seems to have absolutely no problem continuing his life like nothing happened. all this has made him into a bit of a serial dater??

in whole he takes everything as they are, nothing is everlasting and he doesn’t try to make it so, doesn’t necessarily want to. values experiences but doesn’t get too hung up on letting go of them. including relationships. this is something a lot of people in his life wont understand and it’s frustrating for everyone involved sometimes but you gotta do what you gotta do. might be scared of opening up to people. of that attachment. maybe he’s actually just picky and is waiting for something out of the world magical who knows

repels all negativity as if his life depended on it like. add begone thot meme here

but can also be very confrontational so???

is actually in constant war with himself over positive and negative emotions but filters that out pretty handily. most of the time. cause uh absolutely will turn vicious and loud when angry. sensitive to criticism and personal attacks but gets over it quick enough. does hold grudges but mainly towards people whose opinion he cares about. strangers rarely phase him. has random emotion™ bursts but tbh only cries when being shouted at and/or being target of someone’s wrath-- OR when noeul's angry himself?? also lowkey dramatic but most of the time he’s just sorta chill and cheery, occasionally sarcastic but in a good-natured way he doesn’t mean ill with it. has very strong opinions on some things but doesn’t care if someone else sees it differently. as long as they’re not saying their way is the only right way. or if their reasoning is utter bullshit which he will call out then :))

negative people just make him laugh. will not take your ass seriously at all if you’re being a douche. used to take offence to these kinds of people all the time but he’s grown out of it and learned to simply ignore people who don’t deserve the time of his day. at least outwardly.

similarly used to be very.. well. lets say prone to letting people control and push him around cause that’s what he had learned to accept but whoo boy when he finally figured it out and took the reigns into own hands no one could stop him try it bitch

likes doing things in own terms in general, need for control has kinda taken off so will not take kindly to being ordered around in any manner. tries not to impose on other people or be pushy himself but cannot stand indecisiveness so. it happens. for better or for worse

in tune with his surroundings and current community of people if something’s off he can sense it and it will bug him to no end before it’s fixed. this could be anything from his room being in disarray to something going on in the city in whole

I ain’t saying he’s a psychic but actually stupid intuitive most cases WILL see through your bullshit don’t even try

…ok but lowkey into supernatural stuff and spirituality all that jazz he’s gone through it all while trying to find himself– which is a whole another can of worms we ain’t opening here

did I forget to mention noeul and co ( minho & jae ) rolled into town in this shiny big rv. he's def looking to buy a smaller car to drive around

not too keen on giving rides to strangers since this one time two summers ago that went south real fast when a guy pulled a knife on him. has a pretty big scar to show for it on his right side? tummy?? there’s a pic in the profile page if you’re curious. he jokes about it now "it adds character" but is actually terrified of that happening again so perpetually jumpy minho blames himself for it cause he's dumb

you can prob hear him coming 5 miles away with the amount of jewellery he adorns

don’t get me started on his wardrobe it’s a mixed bag and then some. gender norms belong into the fiery pits of a volcano

is equal parts a tea & coffee enthusiast basically lives off that stuff. i'm probably not even exaggerating here boy forgets to eat when he gets focused on something and just wolfs down a pot of coffee.

obsessed with watermelon flavoured lollipops probably has one on him at all times somehow magically pulls them outta thin air??

you can prob find him painting outside in the randomest places when the weather's nice

likes painting on people probably as much as painting them

it’s not an intimacy thing I swear. but. can be?? probably accidentally turns that way that’s just how he is

prefers either to focus on faces ( eyes specifically ) or nude models in general fcking @ him

this. is so long already I’m sorry omg

and that’s all I got my brains’ fried over this all but yo come plot with me pls also check my plots maybe orrr if you want me to check your plots ( I’d love to!! ) come poke me ay ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[hot-gothics]

I am almost an entire month late in doing this, lol, but here it finally is! It's pretty fun to put this all together and see what my focus was for each month~ Thank you all for sticking with me throughout the year and thanks to all the newcomers who've joined me in my journey of art <3 Here's to another great year of art! \o/ I have a lot planned and I'm probably too ambitious, but here we gooooooooOOOOOOOOOOO!! I'm gonna give little blurbs about each month's piece or what I remember going through each month haha, so feel free to read over my ramblings and such >w>

January - 

I chose this piece because of the lighting and the expression. I really liked how the torn down wall turned out behind him and overall this is one of the best completed works of that month. It was a hard choice between this one and one with a sunset behind a female crocodile woman, but I ended up choosing this one for the color in the hair and that it was furry while the other one was a human with crocodile features. (both were not my commissions)

February -

This is probably one of the best pictures I've ever done to be honest haha. I still love the idea of it, the layout, the lighting, ALL of it. I even entered it into a scholarship contest and WON. But the best part of that contest was that it was for my university and this is KIRBY FANART xD that still kills me! haha

March -

Every time that I hang out with my friend :userVibrantEchoes: I end up drawing either Kirby or Pokemon stuff and this piece came from one of my sketches I did while hanging out with her. It was really just something I pulled out of files to work on after completing commissions in a stream but I experimented with lighting and I remember switching between two versions of my preferred art program (because a new update was released that changed nearly everything about the main tools I use) in order to get used to how the new version worked. This was a complete experimentation for all kinds of things but it turned out to be the best piece of the month (in my opinion anyway lol)

April -

Apparently April was when I started to get REALLY into Overwatch, haha. All the work I had available to choose from was Overwatch related and most of those were sketches or colored sketch style comics that I had done at the time. So I went with one of my FAVORITE colored sketch pieces where I had included a big ol' essay about Hanzo and how I adored that character and for what reasons, applying all I'd learned in my psychology classes as well as my own personal experience with depression and loss of family and difficulties with siblings to my claims. Then I tied in how McCree works really well as either a good friend or a lover for him based on their pasts. People seemed to LOVE it too! Though I honestly was expecting some sort of hate for that analysis of him but lots of people commented (this feedback is mostly on tumblr, btw) and messaged me about the analysis or left tags on their reblogs about how they were thinking similar things or that I did really well with it. I love getting feedback on anything, but the sheer amount of it for THIS post... it was amazing and totally worth it.

May -

I shipped a few different pairings from Overwatch >w> Pharmercy is also one of them~ This piece was a pun on how Mercy's line in the game says "healing stream engaged" and I put a ring on her finger and titled it "Healing stream (and healer!) engaged!" ...unfortunately no one commented on that :'c

June -

This is around the time that I started switching from drawing BnF artwork to drawing furry art almost exclusively. I had been MAJORLY involved with the BnF roleplay community there for a while and did a lot of work for people on that site between doing my own roleplays. This was done for a dear friend of mine from that site of one of his new characters. Tagging on from the Pharmercy piece in May - I had become really drawn to doing a glow effect for some reason and wanted to do some sort of magic piece. So this one came about. The character himself was a mimic octopus, hence the designs on his skin and the almost tentacle texture to his hair. 

July

-

In July I spent a LOT of time sketching and doodling furry stuff so I didn't really have any "fully finished" things to choose from for this month. After attending Texas Furry Fiesta in March I wanted to get more involved with the furry community but I didn't know how. I downloaded Telegram and tried talking with the artists/friends I had met at the convention but nothing was really sticking with me because I barely knew anyone local. But July was when I found out about the local Texas chats and started attending furmeets and events, made friends, etc. I started making LOTS of stickers for myself of my brand new fursona design to use in the chats (after years of having two separate sonas I combined the species into one that feels like ME rather than characters). Overall it's been a fantastic experience and I've made SO MANY new friends in the local furry community, it's great. BUT! Splatoon 2 had also come out and I discovered Marina because of one of my new furry friends who was/is obsessed with Splatoon and fell in love with her design >w> so I did a little bit of fanart for her during this month~

August -

The last month before school starting up was also the last time that I drew the kemono design of Dimitri with his BnF boyfriend Onnen the elk. At this point I had fully decided that I was moving on from BnF to get more involved with the furry community and I had mostly stopped drawing Overwatch fanart all the time too. I believe my computer was broken at some point and the game had to be deleted, the drive wiped and such. I lost a lot of files that I had been working on... but I didn't re-install the game and ended up not playing anymore because school started up at the end of the month and it was my last semester so I had some pretty big classes that needed my attention more. 

September -

I'm really amazed that I had next to NOTHING for this month to choose from. All I had done in September was school work, some Telegram stickers, and maybe some sketches here and there. So what I chose for this month is an example of one of my favorite stickers that I had completed during the month (for Siber) and one of my projects during that month was to use Adobe Illustrator and design a sign or logo then use the laser cutters at the school to both do etching and cutting. And I redesigned my logo from about a year before and included elements that are super important to me (bunny and dragon, since I'm a dragunny, and the star since my last name is Starr). I also created my own font for the actual letters in my username too, which got me big points in my critique in class. It totally went to my head when everyone in there was just blown away with my design of it x3 I was struttin' the rest of the day~

October - 

This piece is super emotional for me. As some of you may be aware; I lost my dad a few years ago. For some reason the thought came to mind that when/if I get married I'm not going to have my dad around to dance with me during the traditional father-daughter dance and then I tried to remember if he and I had EVER done that together and I'm pretty sure we never did. Maybe when I was very very young, but I don't remember ever going to anything like a "father-daughter dance". So... this is a drawing of a moment that will never happen. Also - my dad's fursona is a lion with a "chipped" afro, by the way. He loved the character I designed for him too x3 It's just kind of hard to see that in this drawing since it's cropped and he's mostly behind my sona's head

November - 

I didn't have much to choose from for this month as I was still super busy with school, but this is when I started getting back into traditional art and began making badges for people~ One of my first commissioned traditional badges was for a local fur and I really like how it came out :3c so that's the one I chose to represent this month! \o/

December - 

Another piece with Siber here, haha. But this one had a bunch of elements in it that I really enjoyed doing. There's the "magic" effect with the music around him, the color scheme is super wintery, there's foreground and background elements that I think really make the picture work well, and I really just like this picture haha. I think it's a strong representation of my styles mixed together since all I'd drawn of him up until this point was stickers so I was pretty set into a certain way of drawing this character. But this turned out really well and I just really like it haha

Boy that was a lot of blurbing >-> lolol Thanks for reading if you did! I'd love to read your comments on what month is your favorite or if you had a piece from last year that is definitely one of YOUR favorites that I didn't include (I'm super interested in that actually, please let me know lol) Do you think I chose good work for this? :3c Do you think I over-explained my own reasons behind choosing these? lol Lemme know what you think in the tags or comments or through my inbox! \o/  I DO definitely read all of that ~ ❤❤❤ And thank you again for following me ❤❤❤

[dpargyle]

Winter of My Discontents

Alright, moving on –

So this is the first day of shit weather this year where I live.  It’s weird – growing up in New York I remember the seasons – but here we only have two – winter and construction.  It goes from 80 to 40 (F) in about a week – so yesterday was 75 and sunny and I could read outside and actually talk to people and today it’s 59 and rainy and cloudy and I just wanna set everything on fire.

I fucking hate it.

Kids – I fucking hate winter.  It glooms over you – and everything goes from bright and outside to monochrome and “fuck you.”  My wheelchair can’t go over the snow and it snows here from like the beginning of November to the middle of April and all of those months here I loathe.  Summer’s ok here but you’re still surrounded by religious lunatics.  

Nobody plows their fucking sidewalk in winter so I have to literally risk my life by driving my wheelchair in the middle of roads with cars in order to cross my own godsdamn street just to get food and now this year

my Dad wants me to come into the office three times a week.  

(So – to explain my work situation – OK – so technically I’m unemployed – and that’s cuz of the stupid fucking government who says like “oh you’re making above this much money as a person in a wheelchair?  Well in that case Medicaid isn’t gonna pay for your attendants to help you get up in the morning and go to bed at night (I’d need to make, like, 25k or so a year to afford that basically)” and also if you save literally one dollar more than $2,000 at one time on all your bank accounts combined we’ll also cut your Medicaid funding for the attendants and very expensive medical equipment (my chair costs 36k every 5 years) as well!” so I’m very much hamstrung by bureaucratic bullshit) –

so in order to get around all this nonsense – I (with the help of my family) am officially unemployed but I live in an apartment that’s technically rented by my Dad’s company – and in return I write and edit (and have been for like 6 years now) an e-magazine about the 3D Printing Industry (I don’t put my name on it though because again, government…) – which is kinda interesting and has allowed me to do both that and focus on my creative work as well – and I also do some freelance writing and one time an artistic thing for the company as well – (that money gets funneled to a bank account the government doesn’t know about) but mostly I’m glad I’ve had these jobs but they’re not…I don’t get excited about them.  I know other people might, but – I’m not one of them hahaha.  I really want to work creatively, but you know…)

In any case, while my Dad does run the main company as CEO he didn’t hire me – it wasn’t his idea – the owner of the company (who has lots of $$$) – after a year of me searching for jobs after college (very unsuccessfully) called me up one day and was like “you’re doing this for us now” and I needed to move out of my folks’ house ASAP so I was like “OK” –

But now my Dad wants me to come in to the office on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays – and I totally understand his reasoning (he’s trying to help me out) – he thinks that if I’m in the office other people there will involve me more in freelance-type work and I’ll be able to earn more $ - and this is probably true – and he also wants me to “get out of your warren” – cuz he knows my brother was basically the only person I interacted with socially in this entire city on any regular basis and now that he’s gone, well….

So my Dad seems to think being social with the other workers or something will be good for me? I mean maybe he’s right but I know everyone in there and they’re all super old and while they’re very nice I don’t have much in common with them and even if I did it’s still super awkward cuz I’m the boss’s son and it’s just awkward – I mean this is part of the reason why my brother left anyway – he worked there for three years but after those three years he was ready to not work at his Dad’s company anymore – and plus he and his wife fuckin hated Utah anyway and I don’t blame them at all I mostly hate it too haahahaha (cries)…

Though if I’m being honest anywhere I’d live I’d probably find all the flaws in real quick…

But maybe somewhere like California where actual things happen and I don’t have to fucking war against winter every year…

Cuz like I’ve tried the work many days a week with a commute in this city – and in summer it’s ok – there’s a very good tram-line system and I’m close to a station (for this purpose) – but in winter…

So for the first year I lived in Salt Lake I was working the magazine job and I was also working at the local Apple Store as well and that winter I literally nearly died commuting cuz I was super tired all the time (my fatigue tolerance level is super low) and dealing with customers and then doing the magazine job and then I was trying to write a book in my free time (it was the first one I wrote and it was complete shit but I’m proud of it cuz it was the first thing I’d ever finished) but I was basically operating at only 15% power and then one night I was on the train platform and there was ice and I slipped off it and half my wheelchair and I fell into the gap between the platform and the train and if that train operator hadn’t seen me he would’ve pulled out of the station and I woulda been warm meat paste…

(I nearly die at least six times a year…)

And that was the night I decided I’d quit that Apple job cuz no job is worth that hellish commute.

Even in subtler ways, though the winter is a killer for me here – there are days when the weather or the pressure changes and my right shoulder (the arm I drive my power wheelchair with) is in so much agony I can hardly move at all – and this lasts 2 or 3 days sometimes 4 –

and then they have these frikken godsforsaken mines here and we’re in this bowl-shaped valley so they mine all this dust into the air and so there’s this inversion here in winter and you can literally visibly see the dust in the air and your throat burns for like four months straight and it’s like the fuckin dust bowl or something god I hate unregulated red states…

And to top it all off, when I travel a lot in the cold my feet rub against my shoes which happened when I commuted to the apple store and by the end of that year I had sores on my heels that took 6 months to heal and in that time one of my best friends from high school died and I couldn’t travel to his funeral because I couldn’t even get out of my door and….I hated myself for that – I’d let him down (again.)

To be honest with you – when I first got offered that job at Apple I was so proud and happy and excited – I’d been looking for a job for a year after college and I looked everywhere – all over the world – in every industry I could think of – and there was just nothing.  Nobody even offered me an interview before they did – and I have self-esteem issues anyway so I started thinking – like – is it cuz I’m in a wheelchair?  Is that why nobody wants me?  (I really have issues dealing with any kind of rejection because of this…)

But then Apple came along and said “Yes!”  And I was like OMG this is amazing – I’m doing retail but it’s gonna be in an interesting (kind of) industry and I’m gonna work with young peeps like me and I’m gonna do creative stuff in my free time and slowly work my way up the ladder and I’m still young I got tons of time to do everything and be everywhere I wanna be going…and then the month before I had the job orientation with Apple my old high school friend had the sudden accident which would lead to his passing a few months later – and….nothing mattered like it had anymore…

He was hovering between life and death all the way in New York and I was in Utah doing…what? Selling expensive crap to rich Mormons? Nothing made sense anymore.  For six years before that point I’d been an insufferable evangelical Christian zealot – and although for two years my faith had been wavering due to me beginning to question its draconian teachings – at that point I still had it – but then this happened and very quickly what little faith I’d been holding onto died with my friend.  

I’m glad I’ve grown in my empathy and inclusiveness since then – but on the other hand, I feel I’ve lost something…

And then a month after my friend’s accident I had to present myself to Apple and be an enthusiastic team player filled with evangelism for the products and I just…I couldn’t do it…I remember that week so vividly too cuz that was the week George Lucas sold Lucasfilm to Disney and they announced they were doing MORE STAR WARS and I was like holy fuck that’s what I wanna do – maybe not necessarily Star Wars (though !!!) – but telling stories and weaving myths – and making a thing that MATTERED to people – that moved them and shook them and changed them and nourished them and gave them some godsdamned fucking hope in this unjust world…

But I was stuck here in Utah…

So I started writing that book and I pushed myself so incredibly hard cuz literally by that point it was the only thing that mattered to me and made sense – feeling like I’d been put on this Earth to make art and I wasn’t gonna waste anymore time because maybe I didn’t have anymore time, you know?

And like I couldn’t connect with my coworkers – they were my age but many of them were Mormons with whole families they were supporting and most of the rest (save for my good friend @soundscomplicated) – I just…it was hard to connect to.  In college I’d been surrounded by interesting people who challenged my brain and soul parts (at least sometimes – though academia drove me nuts) …but now….now I was stuck in the wasteland with no way out…

I finished the book and it was crap but at least I’d done something.  Then I made that personal safety decision to quit Apple and for the last four years I’ve been working from home…

And this past year or so I finally began to put it all together again maybe – my drawing skills were improving – I was writing another book that scared the crap outta me (but that was a good thing) – about a group of nerds who lost someone close to them and whose worlds were turned upside down as a result – where the protagonist was a kid in a wheelchair like me and for the first time I felt like I was writing something IMPORTANT that MATTERED that might move people – letting out all my pain and hope and regret and love -

But then I sent it out to potential agents and waited and waited and waited for months and months and literally none of them even sent me a solid rejection.  It was all just nothingness into the void.  I understand they get so many submissions though so I tried not to take it personally –

And I decided this story and these words that I’d finished were important enough for me to publish on Amazon – so I did – and it was one of the proudest moments of my life (this was back in April or so) but then – nobody bought it.  And it’s not like I expected to make out like gangbusters – I don’t know anything about marketing or being social media savvy (I mean just witness the godsdamned length of this friggen post hahaha) – but I thought at least everyone in my extended family would buy it – but nope. It sold like 11 copies.  Let’s just say I will love those 11 people forever but I just…

Like I’d killed myself over this fucking book.  I went down into the deepest parts of my soul and ripped them out for all the world to see – I didn’t do anything but this book.  I did my paying work for the company but hanging out with people other than my brother sometimes?  I didn’t have time.  I didn’t have the energy.

In the flesh connections are so hard and when you’re working on something you truly believe in – well – you feel compelled to WORK WORK WORK and where was I gonna meet people here anyway?  

This story mattered more than my own happiness.

And now that it hasn’t done well?  What was it all for?  Really? It’s not that I’m not totally effing proud of what came out – I am – probably more than any other art I’ve ever made – but…I dunno I guess I just have delusions of grandeur for myself…sometimes I feel like if I’m not Shakespeare – if I can’t support myself with my art – I’m a failure.  

I’ve failed.  My life has been a waste!

And then I sit back and I try to remind myself that’s an incredibly toxic and terrible way of thinking but at this point I literally can’t help it…

I don’t know what to work on next creatively.  And now I’m having to spend more time away from my creative stuff and I don’t want to – I really don’t give a shit about the meager extra money I’m gonna get by going into the office – I want those hours I’m gonna waste there back!  I don’t want to spend more hours not doing what I was born on this earth to do.

That probably sounds super privileged of me and I’m lucky to be where I am and blah blah blah but I just……and when the winter really comes and there’s snow on the ground I literally will not be able to go to the office (or even leave my apartment easily for that matter) and my Dad understands that – but I just…

Maybe I just don’t want to do that stuff anymore?  I’m probably coming across as a super lazy and ungrateful person – and I am, but…

I just don’t have many friends here anyway and spending energy on commuting is just not gonna help that at all and I see no way out and I’m literally crying as I type this and I want OUT OUT OUT so bad but I don’t know what that means or what that looks like and I am cold and scared and lonely and tired and

For the past month it’s been warm and sunny and I’ve had Blondie to distract me from all this pain and mounting mediocrity and it’s been nice cuz I haven’t really had a crush in the flesh since college – like literally the last girl I allowed myself to fall for is now married with two kids hahaha and that night I got my head stuck in the fridge and I didn’t say this in the original post but

I was literally kind of sobbing because my brother was leaving (he’s gone now) and I don’t have many good friends (especially here) and my book I cared so much about fucking crashed and burned and I put my fucking soul into that thing and it wasn’t good enough I’M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH and then my chair crapped out and I was about to die and I cried for like an hour (I haven’t cried like that in like seven years – since before my friend died) but then I stopped crying cuz Leia’s Theme came on my shuffle and it gave me some hope so instead of crying I was yelling and then somebody busted open my front door

And she was literally an angel and just sweet and all my everything just washed away and everything was OK but now – it’s just – that distraction is fading away and I am facing my reality and…

As with every winter here, I am growing restless…

[overwatch-imagines-hub]

Overwatch Men: Reaction to S/O Wanting to Run Away

The winner of a poll I made a couple days ago, won by four votes! Overwatch men and Overwatch women will have two separate posts as to not continue my string of long-ass posts. <D

This subject is kind of near and dear to my heart, especially recently, and I can’t say that I’m not happy that y’all voted it first. 

Thanks everyone for voting, stay sweet, and I hope you enjoy the headcanons!

~~~

Genji

The topic slipped out while the both of you were relaxing one evening

You had been complaining about you day and how stressed you were, while your boyfriend rubbed your shoulders and listened with open ears

And the words had just slipped out, “Sometimes I wish I could just run away from everything”

Your boy was shook

Boy did he know what that feeling was like, wanting to run and hide away from the rest of the world

Of course, he also knew what it was like to actually succeed with that plan and knew just how tough it was

So he questions you for you to confirm your intentions

“(Y/N), was that a serious thought or did you just say it to say it?”

“I mean... Sometimes it’s a serious thought. That doesn’t mean I want to leave you, of course. It’s just the work and the constant war, and the chaos, and the stress.. Sometimes running away sounds like the most amazing paradise I could hope for.”

Then you can’t help but add, “Aside from being alone with you and snuggling all night long.”

The attempt at lightening the mood was noted by a soft smile that briefly appeared across Genji’s features but quite brief it was

Genji wanted nothing more for you to be happy and if that meant going your way, that was that

However, you didn’t have to go as far as you might have thought

“What if you traveled with Zenyatta for a while?”

Your curious gaze encouraged his explanation

“He’s a traveling monk, a guru. He avoids danger and conflict unless there’s no other way, the traveling is worldwide and always peaceful. Your stress would wane away, the chaos would be removed, you’d have a friend--a peaceful one--to after you, and I could keep in touch; I could visit even.”

You get teary eyed because he’s doing the exact opposite of what you thought he would do

Not only is he not trying to make you stay, he’s helping you figure out options

You hug him tight and bury your face in his neck

He hugs you right back

“Whatever will make you happy, I will try to you with it.”

“Genji, thank you...”

Hanzo

Before suggesting any alternatives, he’d do everything in his power to attempt to keep you from leaving

You want people gone? Done. You want a promotion/demotion? He’ll make it happen. You want a different job? He can find you a better one.

Vacations, trips, pampering, protection, he tries everything he can

But sometimes things just need to happen

“Hanzo, I know you’re trying but I think this is something I need to do.”

“I can make you disappear.”

Wat

Hanzo, e x p l a i n

“I mean, I can make you disappear for as long as you want. I have some ties with old family friends. You can get taken off the radar for as long as you wish. Live in a nice, secluded place. You’ll be protected and you don’t have to deal with the wars and the stress. Only my people and I will know where you are; you have my word.

“Just... Please don’t leave me.”

The poor boy’s still heartbroken about the whole ordeal, that your life has gotten so bad to the point that you feel like disappearing from society for a while

But, like I said, he’s going to do everything in his power

McCree

He understands right off the bat

Hell, he’s had his fair share of running off by himself for a while just to get away from it all

He’s really just kind of a lone ranger himself

Like hell he’ll let you go alone though

“Fine, let’s do it.”

You look at him, confused

“What?”

“Let’s do it. Run away together. Get away from all the craziness. We can get a ranch and live there for a while. As soon as you decide you want back in, we’ll do it.”

You try to protest that he has a life he needs to continue with but he stops you before you can

“We all need a break from life sometime.”

Then he starts packing and research

Zenyatta

He’s probably the second most understand person behind Genji in this type of situation

You don’t travel with him during his journeys; you work away at an irritating job at home while waiting for your omnic partner to return

So

Why not turn the situation on its head and do travel with him?

Or he can suggest to you a cozy, pleasant monastery of sorts for you to visit for a while

Or he can take you to a calm little place in Nepal where you can hide away to your heart’s content

He offers several different options for you to pick from, although he makes it clear that he’d prefer you travel with him over the others

Of course, it’s your decision and he respects you either way

If you choose to stay somewhere else, he offers to visit you as long as you’re comfortable with it

If he’s part of the life you want to distance yourself from, he’ll accept that as well; however, he’ll always keep a close watch over you to make sure that you’re in no danger and that you’re happy and healthy

 Reaper

To be honest, he’s relieved that you want to run away

Not because he wants you to leave or because he loves you any less

But because he knows that he can’t hurt you in anyway if you’re gone

He helps you pack and assures your safety via Talon guards but you’re on your own when it comes to deciding where you want to go and how you want to live

Is it his best judgement? Absolutely not. But he doesn’t see it as pushing you away so much as protecting you from him.

After you leave, the nightmares and pain come back

He cries at night because your gone

He only gets your whereabouts a while after you’ve left to check in on you from a distance without your knowledge

You being protected means being protected from him as well

Reinhardt

He gets teary when you tell him your intentions

He offers you a deal to try and fix things: Give him a week to come up with some sort of plan; if he can’t by the time the limit’s up, you get to leave and he won’t stop you

He absolutely desperate for this to work

He runs around everywhere, researching, asking others for ideas

Sure, he’s been left before but this was you leaving, completely detaching yourself from your old life for who knows how long

At the end of the time, he (weak) plan is to relocate to remote Germany for a few months or so

He’ll take care of work and protection, and you get to do whatever you please

It’s not ideal, this is true

But hell, the puppy-man is trying so hard

It’s worth a shot, right?

The old boy actually breaks down crying when you say you’ll take his deal

He’s so happy

Picks you up and spins you around

Just don’t leave him, okay?

Soldier 76

He’s pretty accepting about the entire thing

He wants to run away sometimes too, so it’s a fair thought in his book

But he doesn’t want you remaking your life from absolute scratch

He has a farmhouse he inherited from his parents when he was younger

No one knows about it but him and the people of the small peaceful town it’s in

So it would be running away from everything but not starting completely over

He’d buy you the first set of groceries and even help you unpack

He’d visit every other weekend or so, periodically but not common enough to draw questioning eyes to your location

It’s a perfect plan in his book

And he’s also just mildly excited for you to meet the people of his birthplace

Roadhog

He’s not letting you run away

One, because it’s not healthy

Two, because he’d much rather change your surroundings to better suit you

This means getting rid of people and moving the literal earth if need be

Seriously

He’s the one-man apocalypse for a reason

And you’re his little piggy

He’s ready to kick ass and take names

You’re not running away though

Instead he makes up a binge-eating date that revolves around you spilling everything that’s ever made you want to run away

And him taking notes on who and what needs to be eliminated

Junkrat

This man is a child, okay

He’s like a kicked puppy

He gets all clingy and whimpery

“W-well, Shiela, just tell me what I have to do to make ye stay! Is it the people? I can take care of the people! Or we can move! Just.. just don’t me..”

Like Roadhog, he’s ready to remove toxic people and blow up things on your command

Probably with the help of Roadhog himself

Roadhog thinks it’s unhealthy for Junkrat this time but this time it’s not his call so he’ll help if he can instead

Get ready for the dynamic duo hookin’ ‘em and cookin’ ‘em just for you

He’ll even teach you some skills to take care of people yourself

Lucio

Okay, he might be the most chill person about the situation

All he asks is for you to clarify whether or not you’ll still be together and confirms that he gets to know where you’re going

After that, all he asks for is period video chats/video dates after you get settled down where you want to be

That’s pretty much it

He’ll buy you your plane tickets and help you pay your new rent if need be

Of course, if things don’t go well, he’s going to hunt you down and bring you home to live with him and you’ll figure out things from there

But he’s okay with you trying your soul-searching journey first

~~~

Writing Reinhardt’s hurt my heart. ;w;

[lotsofdogs]

Postpartum Q&A: Part Two

My second postpartum Q&A post is coming at you today!

If you’re just catching up, you may find my previous postpartum blog posts here:

The Great Big Postpartum Post 

Postpartum Q&A: Part One

As I mentioned before, I decided to break my Q&A post up into two separate posts to address all of the questions I received in a way that didn’t feel too overwhelming. Today I am addressing all of your questions related to breastfeeding and the two-kid transition. You may find answers to questions about my physical and emotional recovery, postpartum body thoughts, how I feel about having two boys and Ryder in my previous Q&A post.

Breastfeeding

How do you handle nursing hunger? I’m starving all the time!

Oh man, I feel you on this one!! I am so, so ravenous when I’m nursing. Thankfully my hunger has settled a little bit now that we’re three months into our breastfeeding journey but it’s still definitely elevated. In the beginning I truly felt like I could not eat enough and was a snacking machine. I still need to snack all the time and can almost feel like Ryder is physically draining my energy if I’m nursing and haven’t eaten in a while. Is that crazy!? I don’t know but I need to eat a lot and I need to eat often!

When it comes to satisfying my nursing hunger, I’ve found some of the more satiating snacks to be smoothies/smoothie bowls (I make them daily), chia seed pudding, nut butter (either on a spoon or on top of fruit, a muffin, toast, etc.), energy bites, a small wrap with leftover chicken or salmon, veggies, mayo and mustard, Greek yogurt with nuts and berries… Pretty much anything that includes a healthy combination of protein, fats, carbs and fiber.

Is this what my snacks look like all the time? Absolutely not, as convenience wins out sometimes and I grab whatever food is on hand in the pantry or fridge that is fast and appealing. However, when I take a moment to assemble a more well-rounded snack, it is waaay more satisfying and usually worth the little bit of extra effort. I actually want to do a post about some of my healthy prep-ahead nursing snacks that I’ll make in the beginning of the week to snack on, so stay tuned for that one!

Do you pump? Will you be bottle feeding?

I actually just started pumping and freezing breastmilk for the first time last week. Since I will be home with Ryder all day, I will probably do what I did with Chase which is mostly nurse but I do want to try to give Ryder bottles here and there so he’s comfortable with them should I want/need to be away from him for more than an hour or two.

Do you have the excess lipase issue with your breastmilk this time?

I’m not sure since we haven’t given Ryder a bottle since his time in the NICU but I really, really hope not!

For those in the dark about the excess lipase enzyme issue, according to KellyMom (<—a great breastfeeding resource for any new moms out there!), breastfeeding women who notice that their breastmilk turns bad quickly may have an excess of the enzyme lipase in their milk, which begins to break down the milk fat soon after the milk is expressed. Most babies do not mind a mild change in taste, and the milk is not harmful, but the stronger the taste the more likely a baby will reject it.

I had NO idea this was my issue with Chase rejecting bottled breastmilk and wanted to highlight this here again for any moms out there who might be scratching their heads and feeling frustrated when their breastmilk seems to turn bad so quickly.

Do you have a nursing bra you’d recommend? 

YES! Without a doubt my favorite nursing bra is the Bravado! seamless nursing bra. It’s incredibly soft and comfortable and doesn’t make your boobs look weird through clothing. All the important stuff!

For sleep or just to wear under casual clothing, I also really love the Bravado! ballet sleep bra. It’s a pull-on style bra that doesn’t dig into my sides at all. It’s a great go-to nursing bra to have in a few colors.

What workout clothes do you wear that are easy for breastfeeding? 

For some reason I haven’t really adopted a breastfeeding-friendly workout wardrobe. In addition to not wanting to buy tops I won’t wear for all that long, to be honest I find a lot of the nursing-friendly tops and bras just plain ugly. I’m mostly wearing my normal workout gear but I also don’t really mind simply lifting up my shirt, rolling up a sports bra over one breast and nursing Ryder that way. (This might be a little more feasible for me since I have a rather small chest… not sure!)

I do much prefer high-waisted leggings though since they keep my stomach covered during on-the-fly nursing sessions. My current favorites are the lululemon Align Pant (the same ones that were my pregnancy obsession — I bought four pairs!), Zella Live In High Waist Leggings and Fabletics High-Waisted Powerhold 7/8 Leggings.

As far as sports bras are concerned, I made the mistake of wearing a sports bra with no lining to boot camp last week and it was not the best idea. I dropped Chase off at preschool and then nursed Ryder in the car before boot camp and didn’t realize that the breast Ryder wasn’t nursing from apparently felt left out and decided to leak as he fed. Let’s just say I walked into boot camp with a wet milk mark in a rather embarrassing spot that day. Yeesh! Thankfully the Burn Boot Camp crew is a supportive and encouraging one and my friends just laughed it off with me but it’s not a mistake I plan to make again. I’ll be sticking to lined sports bras and am currently loving the Reebok CrossFit sports bras I’ve had for years, Montiel Teardrop sports bras, lululemon Free to Be bra and the super-soft bras from Balance Collection that I find at TJMaxx or Marshalls.

I’m wondering how you juggle getting out of the house with nursing? Do you nurse in public a lot? 

Right now I try to be as flexible with my schedule as possible to accommodate nursing. I try my best to time leaving the house right after a good nursing session so Ryder is full and happy. Of course this is not always feasible and I’ve done a lot of nursing in my (parked) car. I keep a Boppy breastfeeding pillow in my car which helps a lot with both Ryder’s comfort and my own during on-the-fly nursing sessions.

I’ve also become fairly comfortable nursing in public and just look for more secluded areas to nurse since added stimulation around Ryder leads to distracted nursing. (He’ll come on and off my breast and I’ll end up spraying milk everywhere which is not the most fun.) I also always have a muslin blanket with me to drape over us if I’m in a really public place but many times I just forget a cover and do my best to be as discreet as possible. Ryder, like his big brother, doesn’t seem to like to be covered when nursing and I’ve pretty much adopted the attitude that if someone has a problem with me nursing in public, that’s their problem and not mine.

(Nursing in the airport last month.)

I feel like for the most part Ryder’s head covers the important areas when he’s nursing anyway so I’ve become a lot more relaxed about nursing in public.

What are your favorite postpartum clothing items? Loose clothing? Compression? Any other nursing-friendly tops you love? 

I am all about casual, flowy tops and elastic waistbands right now! Like I mentioned above, I am opting for a lot of tops I can roll up if I want to nurse on the go and love comfy v-neck t-shirts in a size or two up from my pre-pregnancy size. I am living in Victoria’s Secret Perfect V-Neck Tees (size large which worked both during pregnancy and postpartum) and LAmade V-Pocket Tee which I love for the added length.

If I know I’m going to be nursing in public a lot, I will often wear a nursing tank underneath whatever top I’m wearing. My absolute favorite nursing tanks are the Gilligan & O’Malley camis you guys recommended to me after Chase was born. I’m wearing the same ones I wore after my first pregnancy and they’ve held up well.

As far as dresses, I LOVE my Gap Maternity Nursing T-shirt Dress. It’s comfortable and makes nursing in public much easier. I can dress it up with wedges or down with sneakers and a denim jacket and have worn it everywhere!

For nursing-friendly pajamas you cannot beat Nordstrom’s Moonlight Pajamas. I wore them in the hospital after delivery and have been living in them! I own both the pants and shorts versions and even gave a pair to my sister at her baby shower, too. They’re the best!

How do you explain nursing to Chase? What do you do when you need to feed Ryder but Chase needs attention? 

Chase is incredibly curious and interested in just about everything in the world and nursing is no different! I’ve tried my best to explain nursing to him in a way he can understand and he seems to get it. When it came time to talk to him about nursing, I took a similar approach to the one I used to explaining potty training and his questions about private parts. I try my best to be as accurate and open as possible and use proper names for everything. Even though Chase says milk comes out of Mom’s “nibbles,” I think he gets it and he will often tell me that Ryder “needs some milk” when he gets fussy. I let him watch and sit next to me if he wants to but usually he gets bored and wanders off to play with his toys.

(I snapped that picture when Chase told me Elmo needed milk “from his nibbles” when Ryder was 10 days old. Ha!)

When Chase is in a mood or extra fussy and Ryder needs to nurse, I try really hard to speak to him calmly and explain that we can do x, y, z once Ryder is done eating. I’ll also often provide some ideas for things he can do while I’m nursing (play with trains, draw a picture and Mom will guess what it is, pick out a book for Mom to read to you, etc.). While I initially worried that emphasizing Ryder’s needs over Chase’s would lead to jealousy, I’ve let that go during nursing sessions because I think it’s honestly a good thing for Chase to learn from a young age that sometimes we need to be patient and wait to get whatever it is we want when someone else needs attention.

The Two-Kid Transition 

How do you handle nap time with both boys? How do you get Chase or Ryder down when the other child is awake and noisy? 

My answer to this question is admittedly kind of crazy and I have no idea why or how I started to handle nap time this way but it’s all about embracing whatever works, right!?  We are ALL about a pre-nap time “picnic” over here these days. When Ryder is awake and playful during the time I need to begin to settle Chase down for his nap, the three of us head into Chase’s room with a snack for a “floor picnic” and some stories. Ryder will happily kick and look around the room while Chase eats a snack and I read some books. When I can tell Ryder is getting fussy, I wrap up story time and then tuck Chase into his bed and head out. This shockingly works REALLY well for us and we do pre-nap picnics ALL the time.

As far as how I handle naps for one of the boys when the other one is awake, needy and noisy, I try to be flexible on timing. If Ryder is crying and needs attention, Chase’s nap will get pushed back until Ryder is soothed. Ryder is thankfully still at the age where he can sleep in a rather noisy environment, so he naps in his Rock ‘n’ Play in our family room while Chase plays and it usually works out well. While this doesn’t happen every day, this strategy has actually helped get both of the boys napping around a similar time in the afternoon since Ryder is often awake for longer spurts when Chase is up and noisy and then he sleeps for longer stretches when Chase is asleep and things are calmer around him.

How do you handle bedtime with two kids when your husband isn’t home and your baby is cranky?

Sometimes bed time can feel like one battle after the next, especially on the nights when Ryan is working late or traveling. I’ve tackled bed time alone many times at this point and more often than not I feel like I’m making things up on the fly.

When bed time rolls around, I just try to be calm and firm but also flexible. It is much harder for me to soothe Ryder, nurse him, swaddle him and get him down for the night when Chase is still awake so I typically don’t even try. I try to take advantage of the time when Ryder is awake and happy to begin settling Chase. Only after I have Chase in bed does it feel possible to nurse and swaddle Ryder and get him down for the night. (Note: This is very different from the way I handle Ryder’s daytime naps which feel much more laid back and the daytime nap soothing often takes place with Chase around. Ryder sleeps in a bassinet in our room at night with a noise machine and I want nighttime sleep to feel different than daytime naps to hopefully cultivate deeper and longer stretches of sleep. Ryder also typically needs a very calm, stimulation-free environment to go to sleep at night which isn’t possible when Chase is awake.)

One HUGE thing I’ve learned about bed time with two kids is to start the process WAY early. We typically stay home in the afternoon and begin the winding down process immediately after dinner. If I want Chase in bed with the door to his room closed by 7:30 p.m., I try my best to make my way upstairs with the boys by 6:30 p.m. This gives us time ease into bed time which Chase responds to better than a rushed “we need to get to bed NOW” strategy.

What was Chase’s reaction when he found out you had a boy? 

I like to joke and say it was a non-event to Chase. It was almost like a “duh” moment for him because he really and truly never believed we’d be having a girl. Anytime someone would ask him about the baby in my belly, he’d confidently tell them it was a boy named Thomas the Train and get almost defiant if they ever said it might be a girl. When Ryder arrived, I think Chase simply got the baby brother he expected!

How has Chase handled the adjustment/shift in attention? 

You may read all about how Chase has handled becoming a big brother in the first few weeks of Ryder’s life in this post: Chase’s Three Year Update. To elaborate a bit more, Chase is adjusting really, really well and is so sweet with Ryder for the most part buuuut something happened around 9 weeks and a switch flipped and Chase was all of the sudden fussier and needier than usual. This coincided with a cold (which, in retrospect, I think was to blame for a LOT of his weepy emotions), a bunch of back-to-back dropped afternoon naps and Ryder needing more attention (he was no longer sleeping all day long) and we just seemed to have an all-around whinier and more tearful three-year-old. All Chase wanted all week long was Mom and my undivided attention. That was a really, really tough week. Thankfully that seemed to be fleeting and Chase is back to being his sweet and joyful self but just thinking back on that week makes me feel exhausted and tearful all over again. It was HARD.

Now, on a day to day basis, things are going really well with our two boys! Chase asks me to put Ryder on a blanket on the floor for him to play with multiple times a day every day.

Chase loves incorporating Ryder into imagination games and enjoys trying to “teach” him things as well as dancing for him and making silly voices to try to get Ryder to smile, coo and chirp. Chase gives Ryder kisses all the time and talks about being a big brother in a very positive way when people ask him about his little brother which melts my heart. Ryder is enamored with Chase and stares at him all the time! Overall, Chase has absolutely exceeded my expectations and handled the transition really well and we try really hard to praise Chase for his kind, inclusive, gentle and positive behavior around his little brother.

How are you finding time and energy to cook?

I seriously swear by meal planning. In the beginning I gave myself a lot of grace when it came to preparing meals and we did a lot of sandwiches, smoothies, wraps, pasta and simple one-dish recipes. Now that we’re emerging from the newborn fog, I’m trying to get back into meal planning and it’s making a big difference. I have a much stronger desire to put time and energy into meals when I have a plan versus when I find myself opening the fridge, freezer or pantry and waiting for inspiration to strike.

I also try hard to do a lot of food prep/cooking when Chase is awake. Chase loves helping in the kitchen and this makes cooking and food prep an interactive activity and also frees up any free time that might pop up during nap time for me to work. (Yes, this means our kitchen is often a mess but lowering my expectations for a sparkling clean house at the end of every day is crucial during this phase of life.) If Chase is content to play by himself and Ryder is napping or happy and awake, I’ll chop veggies, whip up a batch of muffins, begin dinner prep, etc.

I’ve also become a HUGE fan of Instacart. I never thought I’d be the type to order groceries delivered to our house but grocery shopping with both boys isn’t exactly a blast and since I usually do my meal planning on Sundays, if Ryan or I don’t make it to the grocery store over the weekend, I’ll often have an Instacart delivery come to the house on Monday. This may die down a bit now that Chase is in preschool but Instacart seriously saved us for a few weeks there and helped prevent us from ordering takeout all the time. Though there is a delivery fee, there are often promotions in place that make delivery free that I take advantage of and I truly think Instacart saves me money in the long run since I’m not impulse buying things during trips to the grocery store. Anything I can do to streamline the process of cooking/shopping/meal planning sounds great to me right now! We also love Blue Apron for easy, delicious meals delivered to our house and have ordered a handful of Blue Apron deliveries, too.

When it comes to lunches, I look to leftovers, smoothies or wraps and I am also still on a huge Daily Harvest harvest bowl kick. I love the way their harvest bowls come packed with veggies, herbs and good-for-you ingredients. The prep work is done for me and I typically just add something like leftover chicken, salmon or black beans to the bowls to make them a little more satiating. I chatted with one of my friends last week about how the first few months with a new baby is all about convenience and making things work and these are a few things that have helped me a lot!

Did you make any freezer-friendly meals to have on hand before you had Ryder? 

I didn’t but I wish I would have! Pinch of Yum just shared an awesome blog post featuring 12 healthy freezer meals that seems like it would be incredibly helpful to anyone looking to prep some freezer-friendly dinners before baby.

More details on sleep! How do you get longer stretches? 

I mentioned this briefly in my first postpartum post, but I am increasingly becoming a believer that some babies are naturally good sleepers and some aren’t and Ryan and I can now say we’ve had one of each. Looking back, Chase was a tough baby when it came to sleep and we were up with him constantly for months and months. (I don’t think he officially slept through the night until I stopped nursing at 15 months!) I would love to give more advice to help those of you out there struggling with baby sleep and while I do think following a schedule or certain sleep training methods can absolutely work, with Ryder we honestly haven’t done much to cultivate good sleep habits but I do have a few staples I swear by for baby sleep. None of these are anything new and you’ve probably read about all of them but just in case, I’ll detail them below.

With Ryder’s naps, I’m pretty laid back since he’s still young and not really on a schedule yet but I am already much more rigid with nighttime sleep. We always have a white noise machine on at night and try to keep our room as dark as possible for night time sleep. I also swaddle Ryder in his Ollie swaddle every night (that thing is a MIRACLE worker for those who struggle to snuggly swaddle their babies) and once he was around 6 weeks old and I got the okay from my pediatrician, I tried to hold off from responding to every little peep and chirp from his bassinet. (I still respond to any cries but in the beginning I was responding to everything.) I think this helped Ryder get used to longer stretches of sleep at night from an earlier age. Ryder’s weight is heavier than Chase by a ways (Chase was born in the first percentile for weight) and I have to think his extra weight also helps him go longer between feedings and sleep better through the night. Who knows if this is really the case, but I’m just counting my blessings for a decent sleeper this time around… and I am also well aware this could change at any moment!

I was wondering how Ryan finds energy to work out at 5 a.m. everyday while you have a newborn in the home? We are expecting our second child any day now and I know my husband is worried about having energy to get to the gym for his normal routine.

I should probably let Ryan answer this question but I know after Chase was born, he didn’t stick to his normal 5 a.m. routine for months because we were up so often in the night trying to soothe and settle Chase. This actually led to him outfitting our home gym so he could squeeze in a quick workout before work rather than have to take the extra time to drive to and from the gym before work.

With Ryder, I honestly have no idea how Ryan kept to his 5 a.m. workouts for the first few weeks there, but somehow he did. I think this may be because I was (and still am) really the only one up with Ryder during his nighttime feedings since we haven’t done the bottle thing yet. (This is by choice since I hate pumping and would rather just nurse right now.) Ryan is also blessed with the ability to not hear baby noises like my sonic ears do and can somehow often sleep through nursing sessions without realizing Ryder and I were just up. (You know that joke, “Forget sleeping like a baby, I want to sleep like my husband.” Yep, that definitely applies here!)

Ryder was also pretty good about nursing and going back to sleep fairly quickly (totally opposite from Chase) so this undoubtedly helped! So basically I don’t have any words of wisdom to offer here but if you have the space/ability to create a place where you might be able to work out from home, that might help with consistency once you’ve both emerged from the newborn fog!

How do you plan to balance working from home and being a mom to two? Will you have babysitting help? 

Oh man this question is a tough one! When I was pregnant with Chase, I truly thought I’d have childcare help but never ended up going that route. I tried my best to do as much work as possible in the early morning before Chase was up, during his nap time and then during his preschool time once he turned two years old and was in preschool two mornings a week. I am not sure how feasible squeezing in small spurts of work is with two kids in the mix (especially when naps don’t align) and I am trying to figure everything out right now.

Honestly, focusing on being a mom is where my heart wants to be in this phase of life and if that means scaling back on what I have the time to share in this space for a while, I am okay with that right now. I absolutely love blogging and connecting with all of you and it’s something that continues to bring me joy, so I absolutely want to keep writing and sharing my life, recipes, workouts and randomness here with you guys. I also have a bazillion blog posts I’m dying to write!

My gut tells me I will likely not seek out childcare but if all of the sudden I feel like I’m drowning and need help, I’ll absolutely go that route and would probably look to find a nanny to help with Ryder a few mornings a week when Chase is at preschool so I’d have some solo work time. Buuut we will see!

Do you want to have more children? 

The short answer to this question is yes. Neither Ryan nor I feel done having kids but I am admittedly a much more anxious person when I think about pregnancy and babies these days. Neither are a given in life and right now we’re focusing on our amazing boys and enjoying our family!

I didn’t get my cycle back until Chase was almost completely weaned at 15 months old and breastfeeding is a priority for me so even if we wanted to have another child ASAP, I think my body would want me to wait a bit. (And yes, I know breastfeeding is not a reliable form of birth control but I also know it can effect fertility.) Buuut when we talk about the future we definitely do talk about a shared desire for more children.

[Read More ...] https://www.pbfingers.com/postpartum-qa-part-two/

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Armchair Analyst: Your complete guide to the Week 18 MLS slate

June 29, 201812:54PM EDT

The World Cup group stage is over and there are, as we speak, a cadre of MLS players winging back home. None of them will play this weekend, but most will play again soon.

Let’s dive into Week 18:

Friday Forecast

Minnesota United FC vs. FC Dallas

8 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

Let’s forget the Loons for a second because we know all about them at this point (they’ll play a 4-2-3-1, they’ll be soft at central midfield, they’ll be disorganized at the back and Darwin Quintero can ball). There’s just not much left to explore.

There’s a bit more to unpack about FC Dallas, who could be on the verge of entering the post-Mauro Diaz era. The Magic Little Unicorn™ is, according to reports from multiple outlets, on his way out, with his landing spot said to be Shabab Al-Ahli Dubai FC in Dubai. It seems credible and it seems very close to final, and that means Dallas are going to have to find a new way to define themselves as an attacking club.

Because since his arrival in 2013, that was Diaz’s job (when he was healthy, which was not often enough). He was/is/has been a throwback No. 10, built in the Valderrama mode – find the ball at midfield, avoid a challenge, then release a throughball to put the Dallas wingers into space, or to put a forward through on goal. When he was on the field Dallas pretty much always had the answer to “How do we move the ball into the attacking third and get dangerous?” and, because of that skillset, it was worth adjusting the rest of the team to account for Diaz’s individual weaknesses.

To put a point on it: He was literally the best player for the best team in FC Dallas history (the 2016 Supporters’ Shield/U.S. Open Cup double winners), and was their best player so far this season as well.

When he’s not been on the field the last five years, Dallas have struggled. There were times when “sit deep and counter through Fabian Castillo” worked pretty well and, early last year, “Let Kellyn Acosta spray to the flanks” had its moments. But Castillo’s long gone and Acosta’s not the guy he was 12 months ago, and there’s a reasonable concern that this team could suddenly be short of ideas.

There are, at this point, three possibilities as direct replacements for Diaz on the roster:

Roland Lamah: The Belgian veteran has low-key had a nice season (6g/4a in 1000 minutes), and was part of one of the most interesting tactical wrinkles of the season from Dallas when Oscar Pareja moved him off the flank and into a No. 10 role, while Diaz was shifted wide to the left. It was bizarre and I thought it wouldn’t work, but it did – really, really well. Lamah doesn’t have the passing vision of a pure playmaker, but if Dallas want to go pure counterattack, using him underneath the center forward would be a very reasonable choice in large part because his movement and speed would disrupt opposing defensive midfielders (they’d have to drop deeper just to track him, which would cause dislocation in their own shape).

Santiago Mosquera: The Colombian, acquired this offseason, hasn’t been great (1g/3a in 700 minutes), but has shown flashes of the talent that made Dallas decide to go out and get him in the first place. His movement isn’t as sophisticated as Lamah’s, but his vision’s better and he’s a more natural central player. He’s also arguably more of a modern No. 10 than Diaz, in that he absolutely will push up into the 18 and get his fair share of looks. At the same time he’s nowhere near the same kind of through-ball artist – who is, really?

Mosquera has been rehabbing, but he did travel this weekend. And long-term, he’s probably the best bet to take this spot.

Paxton Pomykal: The 18-year-old has been dominant in his age group, but has had too many injuries and too few minutes to become an effective pro as of yet. If he’d been getting minutes for a USL team the past two years, perhaps he’d be more ready to take on a larger role, but FCD have yet to make the investment in their own affiliate (though – good news, everybody – Dallas TD Fernando Clavijo once again confirmed they’d have their own USL club starting next year).

Pomykal might not be a No. 10, anyway. He’s often looked more comfortable on the flank, and sometimes as a No. 8. And as a passer he’s looked more of a zone-mover rather than a chance creator. Who he really is as a pro is a very open-ended question.

And that’s true of FC Dallas as a team at this point. Up until last week they’d lost just twice all season across all competitions. Now they’ve lost twice in a week, shipping six goals and scoring just twice, and lost their best player. I absolutely understand why they’ll sell Diaz – this is a business for one, and for two they learned to their detriment last year that holding on to players for too long can/will have long-term fatal consequences on a their season.

But they’ve got some problems to solve now. There’s hope that the answers can come from within, but nothing in this life’s guaranteed.

Saturday Slate

Seattle Sounders vs. Portland Timbers

4:30 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

Portland took care of the home/easy part of their schedule, and over the past two games have edged into the more difficult run of games. A scoreless home draw against Sporting was fine; a 1-1 draw at Atlanta United last weekend was better than that. Another result would run their unbeaten streak to 10 games (12 in all competitions), and it’s because of their defense.

I can’t sum it up better than this:

Gio’s Timbers have shown themselves to be a really effective reactive team. They’ve limited and countered ATL, NYFC, and LAFC — some of the best attacks in MLS this year.

They haven’t shown they can impose themselves on an opponent and dominate, though. #RCTID

— Chris Rifer (@ChrisRifer) June 24, 2018

Are the Sounders a team they want to try to impose themselves upon, on the road? I doubt it. Seattle’s too inviting a target to counter against given their lack of mobility in central defense and the way they throw their fullbacks way upfield. Expect more of the same from Portland (though with Sebastian Blanco coming off a knock, it’s an open question as to whether or not their three-man attack will be as effective as it was through April and May).

Atlanta United vs. Orlando City SC

7 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

Atlanta United are going to miss Darlington Nagbe. Our Ben Baer broke down what the US international has brought to the Five Stripes this year, and it’s not been insignificant. His ability to hold onto the ball has remained elite, and Tata Martino has turned that into a weapon.

My guess is they compensate by moving Julian Gressel into the No. 8 role, shifting back to the 4-2-3-1 Martino prefers, and finally getting Tito Villalba into the XI.

For Orlando City… I don’t know. They’ve played two games under interim head coach Bobby Murphy and both times it’s been a back five rather than the back four everybody’s gotten used to. I’m not sure how much he could or should change, and to be honest I’m nowhere near convinced that the formation has been the problem. Bottom line is that no matter who’s been on the field for the Purple Lions, and where, it’s felt, looked and played like a series of individuals rather than a collective.

Notice how Sané slows down. He needs to be sprinting to his spot so he can open his body toward the field. He doesn’t & he doesn’t and you see what happens. It’s so poor technically and, quite frankly, just lazy and lets his team down. pic.twitter.com/KDI8f69TDH

— Bobby Warshaw (@bwarshaw14) June 24, 2018

Murphy’s not going to be able to fix that on an interim basis. They need a new, permanent head coach within the next week.

EDIT: As I wrote that, Paul Tenorio reported that they’re closing in on Louisville City’s head coach James O’Connor as the new boss. I haven’t watched a ton of Lou City this year, but the smart USL-watchers I speak with always name O’Connor first when I ask for their list of the best USL coaches, and as Portland’s Gio Savarese has proved this season, if you’re good at your job you can make the jump from the lower divisions into MLS pretty seamlessly.

Montreal Impact vs. Sporting KC

7:30 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

The Impact have won three of four, and credit to them for that. But as with Orlando City’s good run a few months back, it’s important to pay attention to who they’re actually beating. In Montreal’s case it was the Dynamo reserves at the start of the month, and then a pair of wins over the death-spiraling Lions.

So enjoy the wins, but don’t get too far ahead of yourselves, my Quebecois friends.

Meanwhile, Daniel Salloi is developing into a star:

If the season ended today, Daniel Salloi would have the highest G+A per 90 among 21-yr old forwards of the past 11 seasons. Here he is next to the other 3 who finished above .7 over a whole season pic.twitter.com/DLkiJE9Ejd

— Kevin Minkus (@kevinminkus) June 28, 2018

Since Week 2 Sporting are 11-1-5 across all competitions with a +20 goal differential. If the Impact win this won, then we’ll start to talk.

Columbus Crew SC vs. Real Salt Lake

7:30 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

Wil Trapp drops deep and splits the defenders. The fullbacks push up. Artur and Federico Higuain present second- and third-line passing options. Trapp sprays. And the machine hums.

That’s the rough sketch of the Columbus Crew SC system, which has propelled them up to fourth in the Eastern Conference. It’s been running smooth as ever from the back, but so far it’s been breaking down in the attacking third because their finishing has just not been good enough. Other than Gyasi Zardes, nobody on this team has more than a single open play goal.

As per Opt,a Columbus have generated 30.67 expected goals, and that’s translated to just 22 goals total. That means they’re underperforming by 8.67 goals, and only Seattle are in the neighborhood (11 goals on 17.05 expected) in terms of front-of-net profligacy. Nobody else in the league has underperformed by even half as much as Columbus.

Fortunately for Zardes et al, RSL’s 33.49 expected goals against is worst in the league, and that they’ve allowed 30 goals off of that, and that they have been particularly bad on the road (1-6-1, -15 GD).

Crew SC are winless in five, and are actually just 4-5-5 in their last 14 games. This will be their 11th home game of the season, and while I still like the way they’re playing and their defense has been rock solid… this is a must-win game for them, especially with five of the next seven on the road. They have to get three points.

New England Revolution vs. D.C. United

7:30 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

The Revs are a lot like Columbus: They got off to a hot start in March and have been sort of scuffling along ever since. They’re 3-3-5 in their last 11 – 3-4-5 in all competitions – and the press that caused so much discomfort for so many at the start of the season has suddenly been at least a little bit gappy.

A month back, Columbus simply played over the press. In New England’s last outing, San Jose just played through it:

D.C. have the ability to do that, though they haven’t shown it much because they haven’t been able to comfortably push either fullback up the pitch (both sides of have been an issue, to put it mildly).

This is the start of a three-game homestand for New England, before they play five of six on the road. For D.C. we’re entering the very end of their unbalanced schedule, as this is the second-to-last road game before they open Audi Field in the middle of July.

United have some pretty big tactical fish to fry coming up, by the way.

Chicago Fire vs. New York City FC

8 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

Since Dax McCarty and Luis Solignac got healthy a month back, Veljko Paunovic has mostly dropped the game-by-game adjustment cha-cha and have consistently played in a 4-3-3. Brandt Bronico has won a job beside McCarty and Bastian Schweinsteiger in central midfield, playing as a ground-eating, ball-moving No. 8 who does a bunch of unselfish running. Schweinsteiger’s been more of a pure playmaker than at any point in his recent career.

Here’s their network passing map, courtesy of Opta, from two games ago against Colorado:

Solignac (No. 9) has a different job than his opposite-side winger, Aleksandar Katai (No. 10). Katai stays high and is a pure attacker, while Chicago use Solignac’s non-stop engine to run endline-to-endline, drop into the middle to help defensively, and generally raise hell. His work allows the central midfield trio to stay compact.

The Fire have one win and three draws since making the switch, and have generally carried play against their opponents. NYCFC, even without the injured David Villa, is a very worthwhile measuring stick.

LAFC vs. Philadelphia Union

8 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

I wrote a ton about the Union after last weekend’s impressive showing, and with Haris Medunjanin suspended, all of that stands. I’m planning to write a ton about LAFC this weekend, so let’s not dive in too deep here.

I’ll just leave it at this: Earlier in the year LAFC were getting goals based upon their ability to create space and chances via flowing, back-to-front moves in transition. That’s what happens when you have Carlos Vela and Marco Ureña on hand.

Without those guys, and with the additions of Lee Nguyen and Adama Diomande, they’ve become much more of a “quick combinations in the final third” type of team. So in part they’ve flipped their identity from “center forward creates space for the attacking midfielder and wingers against a stretched defense” to “attacking midfielder and wingers create chances for the center forward against a back-foot defense.”

San Jose Earthquakes vs. LA Galaxy

10 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

Mikael Stahre has continued to tinker as he’s tried to figure out a workable formula for his Quakes. In recent weeks he’s stayed with some version of a 4-4-2, though at times it’s been closer to a 4-4-2 diamond and at other times it’s been a 4-1-3-2 and at other times it’s been an almost perfectly flat midfield four.

Always with the two up front, though, because Danny Hoesen is quietly having an All-Star caliber season, and while Chris Wondolowski isn’t (4g/3a in 1133 minutes), it’s not like anybody on the roster is making a compelling case to take his playing time away.

Amazingly, this is just LA’s fifth game against a team below the playoff line this season. So far they’re 3-1-0, which includes a 1-0 win over these Quakes a month back. And last time out, they dominated an RSL team that had been on a good run of form entering the game.

This was my favorite sequence of play from the Galaxy in that one:

LA’s midfielders have slowly figured out how to make dangerous, complementary runs off of Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s hold-up play, and there’s been genuine chemistry at times both on and off the ball. They’re 3-1-1 in their last five.

Sunday Doubleheader

Toronto FC vs. New York Red Bulls

4:30 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

This one’s simple: RBNY are the highest, hardest-pressing team in MLS (and I’d say they’re the highest, hardest-pressing team in MLS history). They live off of turnovers, winning 50/50 balls all over the field and wearing teams out until they make a fatal mistake.

Toronto FC have been the sloppiest team in the league playing out of their own end, and have been one of the league’s worst defensive teams over the final 15 minutes of games. They looked and played exhausted in the second half last weekend against NYCFC, and if you do that against the Red Bulls you lose by 50.

Also remember that the last time these two teams met, in last year’s playoffs, Jesse Marsch entirely pulled off a bit of trickery by playing a 4-4-2 diamond with Tyler Adams at the point. The object wasn’t to have him be the playmaker, but for him to make Michael Bradley’s life a living hell and prevent any sort of meaningful distribution from the TFC lynchpin.

It worked. RBNY won the game and should’ve won the series. Only some poor finishing kept them from advancing.

Vancouver Whitecaps FC vs. Colorado Rapids

7 pm ET | Match Preview | TV & streaming info

The Rapids got their first win since April 14 last weekend, dominating 10-man MNUFC in the closing stages before Tommy Smith’s headed winner off a corner kick in stoppage time. It was a cathartic moment for a team that has not been good thus far in 2018.

“Cathartic” does not mean “corrective,” though. The issues that have plagued Colorado all season were still on display against the injured and short-handed Loons, and the one that’s been most decisive has been their inability to defend in space:

Darwin Quintero 1v1 against just about anyone is a mismatch. Quintero 1v1 against a retreating center back?

I don’t know why the Rapids aren’t more compact, and why their big CBs are asked, week after week, to make plays in the open field. These are plays they can’t make.

And so enter the Whitecaps, a team that can and will eviscerate you if you let them get into the open field. Last time these two teams met, at the start of the month… yup. And yup. And yup. And honestly it just keeps going.

The ‘Caps need to be patient and sharper than they were last weekend against Philly. As long as that happens, they’ll find chances.

One More Thing to Ponder

Happy weekending, everybody.

Series: 

Topics: 

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Armchair Analyst: Your complete guide to the Week 18 MLS slate was originally published on 365 Football