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lavendersage · 4 years ago

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i saw that post from the girl who's girlfriend isn't quite ready to be out. if ur blog didnt seem to celebrate love of all kinds (and i'm not talking straight vs gay, i'm talking happy vs sad) i would have kept this to myself, but between ur response and the op's story itself, i think im going to take this chance of sharing a burden on my heart, maybe to help someone else, or just for the shot at becoming at peace with it. a couple weeks ago, when u asked for everyone to send u stories of their lovers, i wrote most of this out but didnt send it.

i (21F) am a college student (god, is this reddit?). my entire life, i have cultivated the cleanest good girl image that i could. my parents sacrificed so much for my sister and i to grow up far more comfortable then they did, so i have tried to honor them with a little golden child they could brag about. straight As, never missed school, did community service, perfect SATs. i worked tirelessly to be on-paper perfect.

one of the reasons i've worked so hard to earn Good Noodle Stars is to make up for the fact that i am terminally homosexual. i realized real early that i could literally cure cancer and the first comment on the news video will be, "okay, she cured cancer, but at least I'm not gay like she is." i could raise thousands for charity, and my aunts would still say, "our kids may not get off the couch but at least they have sex correctly." so they dont know. few people do, none outside my closest circle.

in walks Mars(21NB). Mars is an anachronism. they are both a romantic with and without a capital R. be still my Dark Academia heart.

we got very close before school broke for Covid. Mars wrote me a letter every other week, encrypted and folded so that the only way to open them was to rip a paper seam that would show if someone had tampered with it. it was intoxicating. it was the first time i felt able to communicate freely about anything. i dont know - i didnt hold back my emotions, emboldened by writing in cipher. i spent all summer waiting for those red sealed envelopes, filled with stories and poetry and honeyed nonsense, and i refused to not respond with mirrored passion.

it was all great until it set in that I was going to have to face Mars again, in person. i prayed our school would decide all students had to stay remote. of course I wanted to see Mars, i want to do much more than just see them, but i knew it would only be a matter of time between us being reunited and them asking me out.

this was a person who crafted a puzzle where the answers were flowers that were a declaration of fidelity in Victorian Flower Language. of course i ate that up with a spoon. u would have too. listen, i know all aesthetics are fads and all fads age badly, but if the cottagecore girls get to learn to sew and bake and grow, i owe dark academia for teaching me the vocabulary and actions of my most treasured relationship yet, and giving me permission to be earnest and vulnerable in this life for 10 goddamn minutes. Mars is handsome and a genius and i was not used to feeling connected to anyone. but for all that joy, i was also drowning with the thought of having to break their heart by explaining i cant date anyone AFAB.

so the semester starts. Mars asks me over for a homecooked meal since restaurants don't exist here at the end of the world. they made me a beautiful dinner with all my dietary needs in mind. just like everything else i ate it up. and i made no effort to stop them from inviting me over for food and conversation again and again and a fourth time just to make sure it really hurt.

they kissed me after the last dinner. and I kissed them back, before stopping. they apologized for moving too quickly, but i explained that they had moved at the perfect pace, just with the wrong person.

there is no nice ending to this. it's real life. Mars took it as a breakup and didnt reach out to me again. i sobbed from halloween to christmas, i swear. i'm the villain in this story.

i started this post off as a sign of solidarity to the other young lady, but now im realizing that this letter would be better read by her fearful beloved, not her. it is 4am where i live, so i apologize if this has all gotten away from me.

love is a garden u have to water yourself. ngl, my favorite part about this blog is all the posts about learning to love yourself, learning to see ur intrinsic value dispite the core facets of u that have been deemed flaws, and trust the relationship between me, myself, and i.

i started out telling myself i was writing this to help the high school kid, but i havent shared this with anyone. writing this out has helped me process a thing or two, or at least start to. i like this idea of lavendersage being a kindly cryptid who will alchemise ur heartache into calm.

i hope you dont mind if i try to make this a thing.

my story is in the shape of a love letter. its tearstained before it even hits the water. i drop it in your river and watch it float away.

y’all are breaking my heart with these stories this week 🤧i feel so sad to read them and so helpless to respond, because i know how deep that pain must run and i don’t know if there’s truly anything i could say or do to take it away. but if i can lessen it from 100 to 99, well, then i’ll have fulfilled my goal of existing on this website. at the very least, i’m glad that writing this message helped you process some things on your own, but i’m happy to share my thoughts anyway.

your mars sounds like a top tier human being. victorian flower language? i’m swooning. it’s no surprise to me that you fell for them, and they were clearly head over heels for you. folks don’t make grand gestures like that for just anyone, that’s for sure 🥺

and i’m very sad to hear about the way things ended. but, anon, i can’t help but wonder if it is indeed over, or if hope exists on the precipice of a great act of bravery performed by you--something i know from experience is much easier said than done, and something i’ve failed to do in the past, so i’m not trying to be a hypocrite here. the ball is definitely in your court, though.

also...it doesn’t sit well with me to hear you call yourself a villain. i understand why you see it that way, as it’s clear that you deeply care for this person. but for many folks...the fear of what our family will say or think or do weighs so heavily on us that it robs us of any possibility of happiness with someone who isn’t the kind of person our family wants us to end up with. i’m sure plenty of folks, myself included, can empathize with this. and i’m sure on some level, mars does too.

my love, as with all things, i hope whatever happens next works out for the best, and that you don’t let this experience darken your heart. if things change between you and mars, please feel free to drop me a note. i’ll always be here to listen 💚💚💚`

#asks #Anonymous

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tylerwritez · 4 years ago

Text

Tuesday, june 22 2021

I've noticed I'm getting "the shiverys" or "the twitchy" a lot today. Like every time I FEEL something I take a moment to violently tic.... every time I think about certain things I tic.... good things, bad things, things from an hour ago and things from years ago. Tic, tic, tic.

Also, I have... some stuff to explain. Its really no big deal, but you know me: I'll freak out about it anyway. Basically I dissed my friend (rightfully so) around the time that we had just met cos they did something that threw me off.

He saw it in my phone... NOW. it's not RELEVANT anymore and I've since redacted that criticism...and now I gotta explain it to him anwyays. Oh well. I'm good at this stuff. I can get myself outta any situation. I dont even know why I'm talking like this tho... it's not a "Situation" it's just smthn I gotta explain rq.

Oh, today's song recommendation is Spirit Crusher by Death. I'm a huge Death fan...

Also! I gotta study... for my replacement exam. How stressful. Its about photosynthesis, but like, it's not simple. We went DEEP inside those fucking leaves.

One sec, lemme hook up my IV tube

Not an ACTUAL IV tube... just my headphones. But since I'm so #emo, it might as well be a fucking IV tube with the way that I cant live without it.

Its 3:08 and I'm walking home now. I was upset last night but me and Star have made up now lol... it was thAt easy. I'm so defective, making shit hard when it doesnt need to be.

It's so hot out damn. Idk. I had school today, so I had Bio class... I ACTUALLY PAID ATTENTION for once. I had lunch with Star and her friend group, and I honestly kinda feel like they're MY friends now too, even just a little bit.

Actually, I used to rant about feeling lonely like all the time but now I have so many friends it's crazy they all keep inviting me places and it's like people WANT ME AROUND... idk. It makes me happy.

Today I gotta ask if tommroow after school I can go to Bee's house to watch Supernatural (famous homoerotic ghost show)

I should also add songs to Erin's spotify playlist for our picnic saturday which I still need permission to go to.

I gotta ask for Wednesday after school to watch Insidious with Jay which is apparently really good

Also hes the friend that I gotta explain stuff to... the DrAmA... the ThEaTrE....

Update my dad said yes to hanging out with Bee but first I'm gonna miss school to fix my broken brackets on my braces

Also turns out the house I THOUGHT we were moving into has substantial damage from shifting so... we aRENT moving there.

In case you didn't know, shifting is when like the house that's been built literally SHIFTS like it moves around.

Anwyays Jay just texted me... I'm gonna change into shorts since it's hot, set up my study area,.... and respond to him.

The time is 3:22 p.m.

Wish me. Luck.

Luck is plentiful! As it so often is in my risky, risky life.

I play my cards right. It's a learnt skill.

But also there wasnt much to explain since it passed already and was tiny anywyas.

XD so I've made up with the whole goddamn world by now.

Its 6:31, we saw 1 house. Only one. Its kinda hot out but I'm gonna bike now since we just had supper. I finally finished my homework... I just have to finish one mixed media piece as my final project for art!

Friday is my replacement. On photosynthesis and cell resp. We know this. But what I didn't mention, or I dont THINK I did, is that if I finish my art project before then I have the second block FREE!!! Me, Star, and her friend

A are planning to leave for second block and maybe get mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Also I might eat her out XD

Anyways idk. I hope I can bike tonight to call Jay.

I keep accidentally using people's real names here then having to correct it... I dont know how much i care about MY identity being discovered... but to have my friends doxxed would suck.

Man I feel bad abt saying fuck star last night cos we made up....

Wait we r looking at another house? Idk I'm in the car still waiting to go home

Oh wait no now we r goin home

Its 6:39... I hope I still have time.

I went biking, called Jay. Went home. Idk, friendly conversation... we talked more tonight and I also talked to my other friend A. Jay is... I LOVE HIM?? SO MUCH??? I feel so happy. Talking to him thinking about him seeing his STUPID FUCKING FACE JESUS. his eyes alone... I could stare at his face all day probably. I want to kiss him... hOLD HIS HAND... omg... huG HIM!!! Eofjwpxjwie he's so sweet like I can't even... and I'm proabably not good enough for him like. Wtf. Hes easily a 10. And I dont rate things outta 10. How tf do I end up with HIM? Doing stuff, as friends. Like wHAT. I guess I got lucky XD. He says he loves my personality and I'm hot XD ofc I dont see it myself. But like. JESUS CHRIST he could proabably easily pull whOever. XD me?

Whatever though. As long as we r together and stuff. I LOVE HIM A LOT. he said he loved me. Every time he says that it makes me so overly happy.

Maybe I'm just sappy and stuff.... whatever. I think it would be nice to be hugged by him.

Yeah I'm cheesy.

I'm sorta tired now so maybe I'm not writing the best.

I just keep thinkinf about love. Love is a muscle of evil suggestion. But how evil can it really be? I am just a human being and that is all. Everything else is applied. I am just a human being with soemthing in my heart that pulls me all over the place. Love is this strange thing because I'm fucked up and to be able to love without that fucked up part of me, without the damage... is this complicated, hard thing to do and I can NEVER tell if I'm doing it right but I know I'm DOING IT. I know I FEEL LOVE. And soemtimes it's such an intense thing like when you go to surf on a wave at the beach with ur belly but u hit it wrong and it's so big and overwhelming it washes over you and PULLS you down to the bottom and smushes your face into the sand and YOU CANT BREATHE jesus Christ it's like that.

Or maybe I just want to experience love as it should be felt.

Obviously all of my problems surrounding this Damage could be easily fixed if I went to therapy but. there are reasons I can't.

I LOVE a lot. Too much for my own good. Enough to hurt me, get me into trouble, etc etc but also... enough to liberate me. I LOVE. I love Jay. So much. LIKE. MY BRAIN ORBITS AROUND HIM CONSTANTLY THINKING OF HIM AND PRAISING HIM AND MWUAH HE IS SO LOVELY I BOW BEFORE HIM...

I think as much as I love, a lot of the times I tend to focus even more on BEING loved.

If I am told I am loved, and shOwN I am loved... it is one of the most powerful things. Especially since I was literally emotionally neglected in childhood... yeah. I feel like I'm always trying to fill that hole.

Not EVERY feeling I have is for that reaosn but sometimes, if you tell me you love me, show me you love me, hug me,... I'll like start crying,,, that's the childhood emotional neglect kicking in. If you call me #smol and #cute and say I look young and fragile which happens more often than you'd think XD, I know I'm not supposed to like that shit, so I act like I dont....but I do. Which is PROBABLY ALSO THE CEN 🤪 like whatever lol

Anwyays I'm fucked up

You see how quickly things become complicated in my mind?

Convoluted? Is that the word?

Whatever. I OVERCOMPLICATE THINGS COS I OVERTHINK THEM BECAUSE I'm LITERALLY MENTALLY ILL IN SO MANY DIFFERENT WAYS. I'm not joking. I obviously have unresolved undiagnosed "issues"

I do Suspect things, though.

I can make a list

Maybe I shouldn't.

Maybe I will.

I shouldnt.

Whatever.

I used to hate when people brought up my self harm. I would actually panic. I still self harm but now? Now I'm fine with anyone talking about it as long as it's not an adult who can get me into trouble/force me into therapy over it. Because really? I kinda like having it mentioned. It's kinda validating and it's like hey... people can see that I'm sick.

I dont do it so people talk to me about it though. Dont get me wrong. If I did, I'd go vertically on the arms, not for suicide but so it healed and people would ask XD.

My scars are actually VERY hidden... cos I never intended for ANYONE to see. But for those who DO see them,,,, it's nice soemtimes to have people express concern.

I dont wanna be PITIED or anything, but idk I just think to myself "wow, they're CONCERNED... about ME... they arent angry or mean... they didnt yell at me or threaten me... they respect my autonomy and privacy...

And they CARE ABOUT ME..." and it makes me cry.

That's also the CEN.

I dont know. I just like when people express genuine concern. Even if they see and then just ask if I'm okay. That's all it takes cos then I go wow.

Its validating and irs lovely because finally people care... FINALLY PEOPLE CARE. FINALLY I GET SOME EMPATHY OR SYMPATHY AND NO ANGER.

Even just having them brought up tells me its noticeable enough

My brain does this thing where it thinks nothing bad that's ever happened to me was Bad Enough for me to be upset about.

And I dont know... its nice sometimes to be told shit like "omg that looks so bad" or to see that people who do see my cuts are somewhat shocked or revolted... it's nice because I go... "hey, it was bad enough for them..."

Or to have people comment on them with concern. Just ANYTHINT WHERE PEOPLE NOTICE IT AND ARENT ASSHOLES ABOUT IT IS VALIDATING.

Because I'm not used to that...

Because CEN

I'm. The worst perosn on the fucking planet.

I should kill myself.

I suddenly actually feel so self hating I do want to kill myself... oh god.

I ruin everything. Everything. Everything. Everything. What have I done. Like. Why. Oh god.

I'm just remembering when Star said my kindness seemed like an act. And how I've been called out for seeming fake like 2 other times.

DO I SEEM FAKE???? I DONT EVER PUT ON ACTS OF KINDESS.... CONCIOUSLY? but the very idea that I could be perceived that way...

Should I like not try to be nice or some shit?

Jesus christ she hurts my feelings even now when it was a long time ago.

But I cant blame her. I can't blame anyone for how i feel except my parents because they left me with fucking. Heart nerve damage or some shit.

I'm tired and now I'm sad too. Goodnight guys.

#JudeJournals

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jaeyooniverse · 5 years ago

Text

the FIRST COLLECTION commentary no one asked for, by yours truly

1. Good Guy

00:00 - I love that the recent comebacks have had That Sound at the beginning. Not the same sound but a distinct sound that the moment the song starts you just KNOW. They are sounds i love to imitate tbh

00:08 - okay idk why but the crescendo of the synth/strings (i dont know music words, bare with me for this) it’s so pretty and very well represents how i gradually get more excited as the song starts ( ilove this song). also i’ve watched so may stages that now my mind just immediately starts the fanchant

00:16/00:21/00:23/other times but i wont list them all - the echos!! ugh i love it *chefs kiss*

00:21 - okay i love all of taeyangs opening line but esp the “oh noo”

00:29 - the Slight autotune to dawon’s voice as he says “baby” is my aesthetic

00:38 - jaeyoon does this part so well like it’s just so PERFECT for him; i love how he says “yeah” sdfhdjkd

00:47 - THE BASS DURING THE CHORUS. this alone gets me so excited it’s so GOOD ; this chorus is the perfect type of addictive like it’s catchy but you wont get annoyed when it’s stuck in your head oof

01:01 - what do i even say,, inseong,,,,

01:14 - i’m probably gonna say this a million times but jaeyoons vocals are so perfect for his parts, props to whoever decides the line distribution, truly, and props to my man’s execution ♡_♡

01:17 - i’m upset youngbin’s part is so short bc it’s so GOOD esp the “feel it” and the “that’s what i like neoui jeonbureul YEH” and omg now whenever his part comes on i think about that penguin video and him reenacting it 🥺🥺

01:26 - zuhos part is also gold and i love the dance during his & bin’s parts !

01:36 - am i the only one(haha) who gets butterflies in my stomach when dawon sings?? something about the slight run when he sings “molla~ yeah”... oof

01:41 - ROWOON. Yes. i love how soft his voice is compared to when jaeyoon sings this shdfkjh

01:51 - i already mentioned the bass during the chorus but i MUST point it out again. i love the triple beat or WHATEVER you wanna call it ugh it’s my favorite part

02:02 - who can “oh yeah” like rowoon? no one can, no one’s doing it like him

02:19 - i can’t believe i had to wait more than 2 minutes to hear hwiyoung rap for like 2 seconds but ANWAY i love his part i love his rapping voice also the little guitar part in the bg!! good stuff!!!

02:33 - okay inseong i get it, you have vocals. also i was lowkey disappointed that note didn’t last longer?? also also the first time i heard this i got flashbacks to Be A Man by MBLAQ when G.O’s sings his “never” (that’s how long i wanted inseong’s note to be) and funnily so, it’s around the same time mark as this one lmaoo

02:36 - how the muic goes quiet afterwards,, inseong’s voice echoing and fading away,, poetic cinema

02:37 - THE BASS ,, it hits differently when it’s that end-of-the-song hype 😩

02:39 - THE “OH!”

02:46 - this part also hits different,, when you watch the stage and zuho is in center looking like THAT....it hits, it truly hits...

02:50 - okay waait i literally just noticed this but is that jaeyoon saying “you so bad” in the bg??

02:53 - not to be dramatic but the first time i heard this song i literally teared up (i still do, if i’m sensitive enough) when it got to this part like dawon’s voice is just something else !! when he sings “naya”,,, ugh the color, the emotion, the man,,,, also cant listen to this part and NOT think about (or do) his little dab move thing sdhfkjh

02:57 - the “chajabwa!” oh vocal king 😩

2. Am I the Only One

00:06 - 😳

00:11 - jaeYOON! I love how airy ? his voice can sound The echoes man, the echoes,,

00:38 - okay this is literally one of my favorite lines dawon’s voice sounds so good here i literally canNOT get over it any time i listen to this song. That “OoH” at ~00:43? the “geuriumi miumi dwaegimaneul I PRAY” ,, an instant classic

00:48 - the VOCALS at this part,, unmatched

01:07 - the “oh-ohh” in the bg i love it shjkshf

01:34 - loook when i tell you youngbins part is my fave part of this song!!! it’s a shame it’s so short but OH i’m always so excited when it starts,, idk what it is,, his voice? the vibes?? the rhymes?? whatever it is,,, it all comes together to make one of my fave youngbin verses

02:00 - yes I already pointed out dawon’s “i pray” part but it hits different everytime he does it, i’m telling you!

02:01 - the amount of layers in this song,, i think it’s inseong&rowoon right?? and then jaeyoon’s little “hey ay”s 🥺

02:39 - chani’s part is like, third favorite for this song. I love his voice, the vibes of this ,, the “yeh yeh” at ~2:43

02:54 - zuho does this thing where it sounds like he’s trying to rush and squish his verse into a certain frame of measures but in the end it still spills into the next measure and tbh i like it here dsfhjkh

02:57 - the POWER in this man’s VOICE ugh this verse is truly for me like going from dawon singing like THAT to jaeyoon, oof i’m in love

03:23 - youngbin’s “tell me where the love goes”,, the little echo of it (how many times will i mention echoes? stay tuned)

03:34 - that ending,, *chef’s kiss*

3. Shh

firstly i love that i now know Two (2) songs with this title (okay the Seventeen one has another ‘h’ but, still), and i love that they’re two diff feels. seventeens is that Good Noise, and has the “shh , just trust me” vibe, while sf9’s is just “shhhut up”

00:00 - the guitar! yes

00:12 - i dont even know what to call this sound but i love it

00:26 - LOVE tae’s vocals oof

00:28 - “right here is where i wanna be”,, you know where i wanna be?? an sf9 concert

00:33 - jaeyoon’s “baby don’t question me”,,, 😳

00:40 - the R is Rowoon stands for RealTalent

00:54 - the instrumental to this song is so good like i could just listen to that alone; also that “ooh~” we stan!

01:02 - inseong’s vocals in this song (okay in ANY song, but we’re talking about this song rn) are just,, amazing

01:26 - i just noticed how that “yeahhh” drags on idk how i feel about this im shdfjkh

01:36 - hi i’m tawa and i’m a dawonaholic

01:50 - shout to that beautiful saxophone tho,, gorgeous

02:03 - see i’m trying to limit how many times i mention dawons lines bc otherwise i would just comment on all of his lines ANYWAY this line hits different the second time around,, when he hits this note,,, i’m ascending as we speak

02:25 - okay the instrumental during zuho’s part,,, good stuff.. his part in general,, GOOD stuff!!

02:30 - the pause at the end of the line and then the little ‘ding’! musical gold

02:33 - his little “whoop”s and “hey”s and “ay”s omg Number One Hype Man Baek Juho!! the build up of the music & him increasing the speed of his rap,, who is doing it like zuho please tell me

02:39 - here’s a secret: i love dawon’s vocals

02:45/2:51 - K I M I N S E O N G

02:56 - okay just one more time,, i love dawons vocals

Wait was hwiyoungbin in this song? Sdfhkjh

4. Lullu Lalla

okay idk what i was on the first time i heard this song but for whatever reason i didn’t think much of it,, but now i have seen the [beautiful] light i absolutely love this song

00:00 - like it just started and the music is so cute and cheery omg i love this, youngbin’s little “here we go yo~”

00:07 - okay i know the lyric is “drop in” but in my mind i always say “jopping” 💀💀

00:11 - “hey what’s good?” sir it’s your voice,, your voice is whats good

00:20 - hwis voice is so cute i love it sdhfjkh

00:30 - the little “WheeEe” !! i giggle every time it’s so flippin cute like i have the stupidest smile on my face rn i love this part so mcuh

00:40 - the ‘ya jamkkan’ and then the small pause yo i LOVE this and also the “jinjja?” sdhfjkshj GOD i love this song

00:41 - if you try to tell me this song is not perfect for jaeyoon’s voice i will Not listen to you. youve lost your right to form opinions i’m sorry

00:54 - i have no idea what to call it but that little high pitch noise/sound/thing that kinda mimics the lyrics/rhythm is so cute to me, esp in a later part of the song but we’ll get to that when we get to that

01:05 - “DONT YOU STOP”, filed under “Lines Tawa Cannot Hear and NOT Sing Along To”

01:09 - i really cant think of any other word to describe dawons voice here except cute :(( maybe i just think hes cute :(( also inseong’s “you’re so crazy~” like okay we get it you have vocals

01:12 - sdhfjkhkj the only thing better than the “whee” is chani going “yeaayyy” 😭😭😭 tell me this isnt the cutest part of the song!! I dare you!!

01:22 - there goes zuho doing that thing with his rap again

01:24 - “nan sweet guy” is also filed under “Lines Tawa Cannot Hear and NOT Sing Along To”, i think jaeyoons voice is so soft and pretty here :c

02:07 - idk what to say i just like these lines

02:12 - completely unbiased but this is like my fave part of the song omg yes dawon bb hit those notes 😭 and the at the end of his note that high pitch thing comes in and does its little thing and it’s so cute okay? this whole song is just so CUte. i havent read the lyrics translations but the small words/phrases ive picked up oh it’s cute i should really read the translations for these songs sometime shdfkjsh

02:23 - the way dawon says “beolsseo time over” is like one of my favorite things ever, along with how he says “joha” (well, more like “jowa” sdhfkjh but it’s so cute ugh im devastated why do i love his voice so much okay anyway--

02:49 - yoo taeyang ily

02:53 - “that was crazy” you know what’s crazy? How cute that song is

5. One Love

00:00 omg cute funky queennn!! also not to be me but like,, jaeyoons ooh-ooh ooh’s at the beginning is enough reason for this to win aoty no i will not accept any other opinions

00:20 - idk why i just like how inseong says “naman bollae”

00:24 - jaeyoon ;;-;;

00:33 - just,, this,,, *heart eyes* taeyang’s lil airy voice is like,, so good,, so beautiful

00:41 - baby,,,i want you, so loving for you,,, you’re all i think about all day,,,,, bros this is lichrally me @ dawon i can’t believe the writers for this song would get inspo from me WHERE ARE MY ROYALTIES. okay but seriously his voice when he sings haru jongil ni saengakbbuniya :((( <33 i like to imagine he’s softly smiling as his voice softens and trails off at the end,,, oh no oh boy im soft look what ive done ive thought about this for too long lets move on before i start-- *cries*

01:09 - part 247023789 of my crying over dawon’s vocals. stay tuned for more

01:22 - ugh kim inseong if you dont stop

01:29 - OW

01:30 - love how taeyang sings this esp the ending syllable omg

01:44 - the little trill or whatever in jaeyoon’s voice,, filed under “Reasons to Smile”

01:57 - i lichrally screamed like his voice is just so pretty and then the layering when he says “bbuniya” im gonna cry see you guys later

02:43 - chani~~~

02:47 - whys hwi rapping like he had a time limit and he almost went over it like,,, they really just smooshed rap line all into this one part which like i guess i get? the way this song goes doesnt really lend itself to rap i guess ?

02:51 - the pause, the silence,,, only to be broken by the golden vocals of kim inseong,, im love

02:58 - seong’s lil “yeah!"

03:17 - “focus on my mind YEAH”

03:27 - sweet ending to a sweet song ;c

6. Like the Hands Held TIght

this song is truly Fall in Love’s little cousin like they are really related and im not good with words so i cant explain it but i just KNOW. sometimes i’ll be singing fall in love in my head but then somehow it turns into like the hands held tight?? If i could make song mash-ups i would

00:06 - i go “take my, my hands yeahh” at least once a day. thank you taeyang

00:14 - i need a taeyang solo and i need it now ; also i really like hwis verse? Idk what it is about it but it fits him very well and he does so good during the stages, he rocks it

00:32 - i like all of bin’s verse but esp this part especially especially bc of the choreo during it

00:37 - and then THIS part and dawon’s the only one on stage,,, what an experience,,

00:44 - the way he pronounces maeumeul is just.. *chefs kiss*

00:49 - another instance of tae’s wonderful airy? singing being absolutely perfect for the song concept

00:55 - aah~

01:00 - the EMOTION

01:08 - idk what it is but inseong singing ‘gotongdoO~!’,, my heart,, sasiliya feel it

01:12 - imma say it now bc you already know im thinking it,, jaeyoons voice is PERFECT for this song, hands down no questions,,, that falsetto

01:16 - “nae huimangui bichi neoya” ♡_♡

01:19 - “sumeul swineun iyudo”

01:21 - “AY. AY!”

Idk if it’s obvious but i just LOVE his part it’s so good i love the way he sings

01:34 - ‘yeah yeah yeah’

01:35 - omg i love rowoons part and his little dance during the stage it’s so good so wonderful just all around amazing great job seokwoo

01:37/01:39 - the little pause before the “yeah”s and just how different these two yeahs are but also i love them both equally

01:47 - *eun dan oh voice* HARU-YAH sdhfkjh okay anyway i love the way jaeyoon sings these lines esp how he says haru and naeili (also? Time over? like is this lullu lalla?)

01:57/02:06 - dawon :’)

02:42 - dAngerOUS neooreuuuul wihaaaae

02:47 - dawon’s vocals omgggg

02:53 - okay whos that high note im LIVING for this

02:57 - ugh okay i love taeyang in the background; taeyang in this song in general,,,

03:05 - jaeyoons lines are just so gooddd i love singing along to this song

7. Fire

00:00 - love the little sounds at the beginning,, quality start

00:04 - “it’s me” uhm okay but who are you?

00:05 - the instrumental is so good tho sdhkjh oof

00:36 - not biased or anything but oh my goodness dawon’s voice!! It’s so pretty :c

00:41 - ready! ready! (go)

00:43 - LET’S GOO

The chorus for this song is just,,, so GOOD im sorry i only have like 5 words in my vocabulary but omg it’s just,,good

00:49 - this line!! I love it

00:59 - rowoon has that kinda voice that he could be saying any nonsense and you’d just be like *heart eyes* yes say it again king;; the way he says “let it go, let it go”

01:05 - love me love me love me YEAH 👌🏾

01:15 - YES

01:25 - omg youngbin ily omg his part is so lit but not like HYPE lit it’s just,, it’s chill lit we vibin

01:38 - im a little bit in love with dawon’s vocals in this song. just a little.

01:42 - the way he says READY. YOU GUYS IM CRYING I LOVE HIM?

01:50 - the way inseong sings “neoman” just,, soO good. inseong... good.

02:01 - rowoon if you dont be careful im gonna ‘fall in love’ with you

02:15 - chani & zuhos raps + the music change im LOVE this it’s so good

2:24 - omg zuho finishes his rap on time OH YEAH

02:27 - *cries* okay this is it,, this is my favorite dawon line in this song

02:34 - is it really an sf9 song without inseong’s incredible vocals??

02:40 - wait maybe this is my favorite dawon line?? Idk dont touch me;;; the way he says “neoman”,,,,, give me amoemn t dklfmsd fn.l

02:41 - okay and this part, that note,,,, lee sanghyuk,,,,,

8. Stop it Now

00:01 - okay we vibin

00:16 - i really think hwi’s voice fits this song so well, along with like the hands held tight, also love the instrumental during his part;;; is this his longest verse on the album ,, sdhfkj

00:31 - im not gonna lie i think this is jaeyoon but part of me is like what if its taeyang,, either way,, beautiful voice

00:45 - THIS is taeyang and THIS LINE?? perfect, he executes it so well. this album was truly made for him; also love the instrumental here,, i feel like i’d hear it in the bg of a fantasy mmo/rpg

00:59 - idk what it is about inseongs voice but i love it

01:03 - chaniiii

01:06 - :)

01:16 - hello there sir

01:31 - oh his voice is so pretty ;-;

02:23 - zuho’s raps being the buildup is my aesthetic bro

02:31 - YES inseong homygod

02:36 - dawon ;cc also inseongs bg vocals,, thanks for your contribution king

02:40 - wait was i not paying attention or is this the first time rowoon sings (i probably wasnt paying attention)

02:44 - dawons little ‘yeah yeah’ and little adlibs?? filed under “Reasons to Stan”

02:51 - all the layering these background vocals and adlibs and just,,, what a lovely mix

02:53 - inseong imma let you finish but dawon’s “janin hage” is the greatest :// no im not biased

9. Dance with Us

00:01 - i love zuhos voice throughout this song omg :(

00:05 - omg the piano in the bg is so cute um i love it:((((

00:21 - the way inseong sings “nun bushyeo” 🥺

00:23 - tae’s high notes 🥺🥺🥺

00:28 - okay this line,, him saying ‘i like you’,,, ;;-;;

00:30 - lovvvvve hwis verse here, and the little “ay”s

00:38 - LMAO i just noticed the “AH!” in the bg??? Why??

00:40 - okay this line reminds me of bin’s verse in another song but i cant?? pinpoint it???? uhhhh i think it’s see u tomorrow?

00:47 - okay that transition from jaeyoon to taeyang,,, *chefs kiss*

00:52 - rowoon saying ‘haru’, they did it for us @extraordinary you stans

also im reading the lyrics as i do this and omg wait this song is so cute so precious,,”today was hard,wasnt it baby? Close your eyes you can hug me??” i’m sobbing?? I’m developing a new love for this song oh my heart--

00:56 - rowoons vocals when he says “naege angyeodo dwae” omg pls

00:57 - LOVE the layering during the chorus it’s so good but also i cant tell who the lower voice is? Zuho? Hwiyoung??

01:12 omg *a wild dawon appears*

01:16 - SKR SKRR

01:19 - no i’ll never shut up about dawon’s vocals

01:40 - these vocals mannnn,, you know what?? I need a jaeyoon & taeyang duet. like i know weve already got one from concerts but i need MORE

02:27 - i just love this part :((

02:31 - i was literally like “wheres inseong” and then he comes out with his powerful vocals as per usual,,,

02:35/’8 - like do you hear this??? go OFF sir also love how the music quiets down and then slowly builds back up !!

03:07/’8 - AAAAH YES BEST PART OF THE SONG I LOVE CHORUS/CHANTING OH IT’S SO GOOD I LOVE IT I LOVE THISS

03:23 - *whispers* dope

10. Beautiful Light

00:11 - “once in a lifetime~”

00:34 - i have already said and will continue to say this but rowoons voice is so perfect for this song

00:49 - dawon i would LOVE to be with you forever

00:53 - ugh this chorus is just so cute, so sweet ;c

00:59 - the way they sing “malhae JUlgeoya”,,, ugh love this little note jump thing idk what to call it,, it’s like a pretty version of a voice crack 😂😅

01:23 - zuhoooo

01:40 come through main vocalist kim youngkyunnnn!!

02:00 - yes im pointing out this line again i LOVE it

02:23 - this part 🥺🥺

02:29 - OKAY THIs PART!!! I swear rowoon’s voice is sooo pretty hear idk what it is but when he sings this line,,, my heart feels thing,,,emotions,,, it’s so much

02:33 - that “hoo-oh~” ugh rowoon please record an audiobook i could listen to you for hours 😔

02:44 - alright,, i have figured out the formula for sf9 songs,,, music slow down then build up with inseong’s high/long note around ~2:30-40 dkfhjsk before the last chorus but this time with more adlibs (probably also by inseong)

okay i’m done (for now) fsdfhjkhsf i’d be surprised if anyone actualy read any of this tbh. if you did read this, congratulations you have a better attention span that i do LMAO i would say stan sf9 but if youre reading this you probably already do

okay bye goodnight

#this is really over 3k words LMAO why did i do this #anyway i had fun i did it for me bc im always rambling in my head so i just needed to let the rambles out you know?#tawa.log

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blatherkatt · 6 years ago

Note

i just started reading your blumenthal kids reunionfic and i LOVE IT! Its so good and so full of potential and angst and I LOVE IT!!!💞💞💞 The way you write Eodwulf is soooo good hes such a mess and so gay help him. and Astrid Omg... I cant wait for more of her i checked out some of your posts on here and shes just great??? You've clearly put a lot of thought into them with the child designs and stuff, did you have any major inspo for the two of them like songs or other characters and stuff???

hey tumblr dont…delete part of my answer what the heck

anyway!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH,,, ed ( @tactfulgrimalkin ) is the one doing the actual writing but we plan everything together and i edit and do artwork so he deserves lots of love for the great writing…i dont remember what else i had here before tumblr deleted it so i hope thats the gist of it

eodwulf is a gay disaster of a bastard man and astrid is SO fun and im SO GLAD UR EXCITED TOO BECAUSE WE SURE ARE

anyway you just opened pandora’s box and i’m very sorry for the length of the rest of this answer but here we go prepare for some cursed content necessary to answer that question ( | ) w ( | ) it was a Wild Ride getting these two characters to where they are boy howdy

so the thing is in order to explain how we created these characters i actually have to get into the origins of the fic on the whole because the two are inextricably linked, and also, the origins of this fic are incredibly cursed and you can send all ur hatemail right here go on blast us we’re ready

but we were talking about caleb and how we’re both excited for whenever astrid and eodwulf turn up, and the thought came up for basically the rough skeleton of that scene in chapter 2:

“hey how messed up would it be if instead of them both hunting him down like we’re expecting…one of them comes in with a huge savior complex and sincerely thinks he’s delusional and should still be in the asylum, how MESSED UP would that be”

…and then shortly after that, this happened

thats the cursed part dont say i didnt warn u but listen you know we’re right

also that pic of caduceus didnt exist back then i went back and got this screenshot just to share the curse with you all

ANYWAY

in classic us format we got carried away and eodwulf got slotted into the role of that scene in chapter two and his character was largely developed around that scene, like, what kind of person would still be clinging to caleb after all this time to that degree to make that happen? and what was come up with was an extremely avoidant person clinging to a fantasy version of things wherein they don’t have to fight

(eodwulf was developed into a Person before astrid, i should note at this point, and ed did most of that developing; i took point on astrid later on)

but around this time i went “screw it im gonna do some concept art we’re both in too deep now” so here’s some of that for u guys

started with them all as teens and did a couple sketches as well as one of baby (well. teen. so baby) caleb/bren/we were calling him felix at the time as some of u probably already know

first draft had astrid with longer hair than eodwulf lmao check this out

flipped the hair length on those two which was for the best because at the time we were imagining eodwulf as a bit more mischevious which is another thing that got reversed over time now astrids the prankster and eodwulfs the overworked mom friend because bren takes astrid’s ideas and makes them SO MUCH WORSE but he still looks better with longer hair and then i played around w/ colors for a while and wound up w/ this

voila, the initial kid concepts, to which subtle yet vital changes were made after time. if any of you are curious about if im frustrated that that’s still the best i’ve ever drawn eodwulf’s nose the answer is yes. yes i am.

astrid’s hair is not messy enough, theres not enough freckles, and she does not look ready to fight the entire world for a dare. 0/10.

anyway then i did adult versions which look WAY OFF NOW LMAO

eodwulf with way too much beard, looking far too messy when he ought to look very clean so that he can hide how much of a disaster he actually is, and also a glimpse into the very boring Ice Queen/Heartless Bitch we vaguely had astrid as to start with. even more out of character tho is the earring, astrid as she is today would absolutely never tolerate an earring unless she absolutely had to, girl’s got sensory issues but she didn’t back then. ALSO STILL NOT ENOUGH FRECKLE

anyWHO a while after this it was decided that eodwulf has ADHD, something both the authors have a whole lot of lmao, and that was the point where ed REALLY took off and developing eodwulf went out of control and we both went Well I Guess We’re Gonna Have To Write This At Some Point Now

and with that happening is when developing astrid took more priority i think, because man, at that point in the game she came way too close to that really annoying trope that shows up in fanfic a lot wherein The Girl is A Bitch who is Getting In The Way Of ~*The Yaois*~ and thats like, thats bad. we knew from the outset we were absolutely not setting this up as a love triangle because we both hate those but even w/ her having no romantic relationship to either of the two, like…she was kind of just There and the one who was most loyal to trent (the only thing of her original characterization that really stuck, honestly) and sooo boring????

so like, and i say this honestly, i managed to COMPLETELY FORGET that “reverse sasuke” cursed comment from the beginning of all this and STILL go “well what if we made her more like caleb’s rival that’d be fun”

and that’s how astrid sorta wound up accidentally morphing into the Scrappy Underdog of this anime trio and calling her a naruto analogue is extremely cursed but also not inaccurate tbh

started out with the concept of her popping into bren’s window because she heard they were doing magic and wanted to learn it too and evolved from there; we decided that she was gonna be neurodivergent too but, hilariously, initially that she was “the best at pretending to be neurotypical” (WE COMPLETELY REVERSED THAT AND IT IS FOR THE BETTER. SHE’S SO MUCH MORE FUN NOW) and made her also autistic because it one meant she could be like SAME HAT at bren really hard which’d make her feel more like part of the group instead of just the odd one out, and two because it fits with the whole rivals thing

branching off of that we made her just. INCREDIBLY direct. like. astrid’s thought process is “how can i accomplish what i want accomplished with the smallest number of steps? what are the consequences of doing it this way? do i give a shit? no? im gonna do that.”

(which is why she climbed a tree to get into bren’s attic instead of using the door because that way she just completely skipped having to convince his mom to let her in)

i cant get into it much here because so many spoilers and we’re gonna explore it all, but like, astrid’s backstory turned into this exploration of the intersection of sexism and ableism especially as applied to a medieval-esque society in which the word “autism” doesn’t even EXIST and in which a convenient double standard exists Right There in the form of bren and like,, its gonna be good guys im excited for it

as far as characters tho she does also have just a touch of Vimes from discworld to her, albeit like, she’s lawful evil to his lawful good, but she’s got the same tendency to stick REALLY FIERCELY to the rules that she thinks are important, even when they inconvenience her, even if it’d be so much easier to bend them just this once

and for songs i cannot link like any astrid songs because they all might accidentally give away so much BUT I CAN LINK AN EODWULF SONG

youtube

this one was HUGE for him

uhhhh i think that’s everything i can think of that we can say right now unfortunately so i’ll end this with a comparison to the current teen designs we have now that are being used in the actual fic, even tho im not fond of how bren came out in this picture, but like, for the sake of comparison

lets see how far we’ve come

I N C R E A S E F R E C K L E

#longpost #SORRY TO PEOPLE ON MOBILE #zemnianghosts #i also got a lot better at drawing them all over time #just like. so much

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palmettoes · 6 years ago

Note

hi babe so have you ever considered neil and matt sharing an apartment? maybe they're on the same team or close enough to share one, and it's absolutely amazing because these boys love and support each other so much. but then.. they're also both absolute children when left alone together and the foxes get updates of whatever the most recent thing is with one completely ridiculous picture that never gets explained (like the Sofa Incident). basically love and fun and the brothers they never got!!

(em you already Know how much i love this prompt but like ,, in case you needed a reminder i LOVE this prompt im still crying thANK U anyway this took probably too long but i highkey poured my heart into this dumb little fic i hope u love it ur such an angel ily !!!)

read it on ao3! | prompts are closed :(

◊

Months from now, Neil will be grateful for this lifeline.It’s the offering of comfort and stability he needs long before he knows he’sallowed to want it, and Matt is holding it out to him without a second ofhesitation. Months from now, Neil will appreciate it for what it is. But fornow it feels bigger than he deserves.

“I don’t need a babysitter,” he says, placing a neatly foldedshirt on top of the growing pile beside his suitcase and turning to look atMatt. “I can look after myself.”

Matt, to his credit, doesn’t roll his eyes but Neil watchesthe corners twitch and he knows it’s a near thing.

“I know you can. I’m not asking to be your babysitter. I’masking to be your roommate.”

“Why?”

Neil can’t help it. The question is itching under his skin,making him shifty and uncomfortable. He doesn’t understand Matt’s motives: hespent three years living in close quarters with Neil and half of the last twopractically glued to Neil’s couch at any given opportunity. Why he is willinglysigning up for another year of it, Neil cannot fathom.

“We’re playing for the same team. It just makes sense,” Mattsays and he makes it sound like it really does. Neil frowns and purses his lipsand can’t think of any good reason to dispute it.

“You don’t share an apartment with any of your otherteammates.”

Matt does roll his eyes this time, but it’s a gesturefilled with fondness and, for reasons Neil can’t explain, the rest of hiscomplaints stick in his throat.

“None of my other teammates are my best friend.”

◊

It’s surprisingly easy, Neil thinks, to fall into theroutine of living with Matt. The apartment is already full of Matt’sbelongings, from his two year head start, but bits and pieces of Neil slip intothe cracks—his running shoes by the door, two mugs by the coffee pot eachmorning, Andrew’s hoodie on the back of the couch. It becomes theirs intrinsicallyuntil the discomfiture ebbs away and the word home seeps through.

When Neil wakes up in his new apartment for the first time,the morning feels stretched and torpid. The absence of weight in the bed besidehim is a hollow ache in his chest, and he gets up just to avoid the immensityof it. The world is drowsy outside his window, dark and slow as it blinksitself back to life, but their apartment is already alight with the smell ofcoffee and the muffled sound of socked footsteps.

Neil finds Matt in the kitchen, one hand pouring milk into amug of coffee, the other stirring porridge on the stove. Matt looks up at hisarrival and grins, all teeth and dimples. He sets down the milk carton andhooks his fingers around the handle of the other mug, holding it out to Neil.

“Morning, princess,” he says. Neil wraps his stiff fingersaround the mug, letting the warmth seep through to his bones and wake himproperly.

“Your porridge is done,” he observes, because he can see itthickening around Matt’s spoon as he steps past. Matt yelps and flicks off thegas, transferring the pot to a cool hob and reaching for a bowl in the samemovement.

“There’s enough for two,” he says as he scrapes the gloopymixture into his bowl. Neil stands on his toes to open one of the cupboards andgrab a granola bar from the second shelf.

“I’m good, thanks.”

Neil holds the half-opened granola bar up in defence whenMatt shoots him the look he reserves for disapproval at Neil’s tendency to skipmeals. He doesn’t comment but the tilt of his mouth is displeased. Neil shrugsit off and sips his coffee.

“Excited to meet the team later?” Matt asks as he runs hotwater into the empty pot to soak. Neil waits until the gurgle of the tap shutsoff to reply.

“Not really. I don’t care what they’re like. It’s how theyplay that matters.”

Matt turns to lean against the kitchen bench, bowl in hand,and rolls his eyes fondly—something of a recurring action around Neil.

“Now you sound like Kevin.”

“Kevin sounds like me,” Neil corrects, just to be contrary.

Matt grins around a mouthful of porridge. “You’re both asbad as each other. Come on, you can have first shower. I want to show you thebest route to the supermarket before we’re due at the stadium.”

◊

The team, as it turns out, arefar more excited to meet Neil than he is to meet them. There are three new teammembers, including him; one other first year pro and a transfer from Denver,but Neil inadvertently steals most of the attention. It’s some mixture of hismemorable face gracing television far more than any college student has a rightto, and Matt singing his praises over the past two years, that gives him adegree of interest the Cannons gravitate towards. All Neil really wants to dois talk to the Denver recruit about a certain goalkeeper on his old team, butMatt squeezes his shoulder lightly and it is as much a warning as it is acomfort. Play nice.

Neil smiles and lets KatiLaskey—starting striker—hook her elbow around his neck and rub her other handlightly through his hair. If he closed his eyes, her weight against his bodywould almost feel like Dan. The thought is both reassuring and saddening, likea weight constricting his chest not quite enough to leave him breathless, butspiking discomfort through his ribcage all the same. He finds he cannot makeeye contact with any of his new teammates.

“They’re not Foxes,” he says,when Matt prompts him for an opinion as they ease into traffic on their wayhome. Matt hums assent because it’s true, they are not and never will be theshape of puzzle pieces cut from the same jigsaw. They are Cannons, equal partschaos and content, and they have dug a Neil-sized hole in their line-up, but itis a manufactured kind of welcoming, a family born of necessity rather thandesire.

“They’re good people,” Matt saysand Neil cannot find fault to disagree.

“They’re good as teammates,” hesays instead. Matt flicks him a look under the guise of checking his blind spotbefore signalling the turn-off. They turn down the side street connected totheir apartment complex and Neil traces the vaguely familiar shapes outside thewindow with his finger.

It is still warm yet, the airhumid and muggy with the weight of summer. He can see heat hanging heavy overthe pavement and pooling in pockets between the clouds. He hates days likethese, but this one feels less like a burden and more like a blanket, swathinghim in the absence of body heat. Not ideal, but somehow enough all the same.

“They’re good as teammates, but Ialready have all the family I need.”

When Matt looks at him this time,it is with blatant intent and his smile is blinding.

◊

mattyb: someone come collect neil he’s making me sad

gaynolds: what did he tell you this time??

mattyb: a story about his mom

gaynolds: fuck those are the worst

wildz: u all g josten?

jos10: I’m fine.

gaynolds: :/

mattyb: he let me pat his head

wildz: 4 his comfort or urs ???

mattyb: honestly mine but i like to think it’shelping him too

jos10: It’s nice. Thank you.

nickyminaj: omg neil :( u cant be sad when im too faraway to hug u

jos10: I’m not sad.

jos10: Matt is.

mattyb: I AM

nickyminaj: mattie no :(

nickyminaj: coming to hug u both rn

wildz: me 2

gaynolds: me three

wildz: group hug @ the b/j apt.

nickyminaj: the WHAT

wildz: boyd/josten but im just rlzing how bad thtsounds

mattyb: H

mattyb: NNNN OFJAJKM.VWQ3JFJEZ/.DS’’;XMLD

nickyminaj: uh

wildz: r u dyin ???

mattyb: might have to take a raincheck on the grouphug

mattyb: OH HOLY FUCK

wildz: ?????

gaynolds: omg

mattyb: NEIL JUST

mattyb: CHRIST

nickyminaj: what did he do now lmfao

gaynolds: b/j apartment is my favourite soap

nickyminaj: ^^^

wildz: r they actually ded ????

gaynolds: matt??

nickyminaj: 50 bucks says neil started a fire tryingto make dinner

gaynolds: you’re on

gaynolds: josten knows how to cook

nickyminaj: lmaooo

nickyminaj: u didn’t see him try to use the sandwichpress at the columbia house

nickyminaj: andrew banished him from the kitchen

gaynolds: fuck

wildz: can confirm, neil knos how 2 cook but nt how 2use tech

kevinday: What’s happening?

mattyb: [image attached]

kevinday: What the fuck.

gaynolds: what the fuck

nickyminaj: WHAT THE FUCK

wildz: wht hppnd???

nickyminaj: UR COUCH IM CRYING

kevinday: How did that happen?

gaynolds: is neil BLEEDING

nickyminaj: holy fuck yeah his face

wildz: shit

kevinday: Is that a bird?

gaynolds: IS THAT A BIRD

nickyminaj: oh my god

wildz: matt wtf is goin on?

jos10: We’re fine. Matt had to sit down because hewas laughing too much.

wildz: neil ????

nickyminaj: EXPLAIN

jos10: I have to go. It’s fine.

gaynolds: josten you’re bleeding out of your face andthere is a pigeon on your head

kevinday: Neil

nickyminaj: oh my god

nickyminaj: we’re pretending this is normal oh my god

aaminyard: what is going on?

aaminyard: oh that couch is in shreds lol

nickyminaj: AARON PLS

wildz: called matt but it went str8 2 vmail

gaynolds: the bird probably fucking murdered them

aaminyard: finally

nickyminaj: aaron pls

wildz: aaron pls

gaynolds: aaron pls

aminyard: aaron no

◊

(The bird is collected by an ABC volunteer.

They buy a new couch.)

◊

Integrating himself into an already functioning team is botheasier and harder than knitting together the torn edges of the Foxes. TheCannons are professionals—polite because they are paid to be and serious whereexy is concerned—but they are friends off the court as well. Three months intotheir season, Neil has grown used to one or another of their teammates crashingon the couch in his and Matt’s apartment, or showing up unannounced withtakeout on their days off. Kati takes him out for coffee twice a week at asugar-free café two blocks from his apartment (which Neil delights in tellingAndrew about) and fills him in on the details of her personal life. (Her longdistance girlfriend just moved over from Missouri. They’re adopting cats.) Inreturn, Neil shows her the latest picture Andrew has texted him (the curl ofsmoke against a city skyline, or the glint of a blade under sunlight, or theopen freeway above the Maserati dashboard). Neil is never very sure, but hethinks this makes them friends.

Somewhere along the way, the team become less likecolleagues and more like something personal, something that spreads like warmbutter inside Neil’s chest. He knows parts of their lives that go deeper thannecessity for survival, while they learn where he likes to go to eat and what hiscollege major was. He lets them scavenge through his life for the titbits thatshould not matter yet somehow do, but saves the intimate details to sharebetween Matt and Kati. It’s not that he and Andrew are a secret, but Neil isprivate by nature and the Cannons, for all their friendship, are still notfamily.

They seem content to take what they’re given and pry nofurther, so Neil isn’t concerned when their captain, Breanna Ramírez, asks himto spare a minute after practice. He detours past Matt on his way off the courtto let him know he’ll make his own way home. Matt swings an arm around Neil’sshoulders and leans down to knock their heads together.

“Nice work today, honey,” he says and lets go, waving asNeil heads to the locker room.

Breanna takes him to a patisserie ten minutes from thestadium where, she tells him, they sell petits fours that her husbandthinks are to-die-for. Neil texts a picture of the display cabinet followed bya question mark to Andrew while he waits for Breanna to order. They get theircoffees to-go and Breanna’s husband’s petits fours in a small paper bag,and walk the short distance to a nearby park.

They talk about the season, about the flaws in the startingline-up, and about the kids Breanna and her husband are currently fostering.Neil wants to tell her he and Matt almost adopted an injured bird that they letfly into their apartment, but decides she might not take it in her stride aseasily as the Foxes.

Instead he says, “Maybe I’ll stop by the patisserie again onthe way home. Matt loves pain au chocolat.”

Breanna looks at him, looks away, sighs, looks at him again.

“Josten.” She fiddles with the lid of her coffee cup. “Neil.I didn’t want to say anything, but I feel, I don’t know, morally obligated.”

Neil’s pulse jumps in his wrist and he blinks at Breanna,confused and apprehensive.

“Morally obligated to what?”

“Look, you and Boyd are both lovely and I know it isn’treally my business, but the team has been talking and— Well, I’m not trying topreach to you, but sometimes his fiancée comes to visit and I just want to beclear that none of us are comfortable covering for you. If it comes to that.”

She’s doing everything to avoid his gaze now and Neil hasnever seen her so unsure of herself. He frowns, turning her words over in hishead but no matter which way he pushes and pulls he can’t make sense of them.

“What does Dan have to do with this?”

“You know, because of your… thing with Boyd.”

“My—” Neil stares at her as the pieces click into place,forming a complete picture, albeit one that makes Neil’s head ache. “You thinkI’m having an affair with Matt?”

“You’re not?” Breanna finally makes eye contact, head tiltedand eyebrows knit. Neil almost laughs but something about the set of her jawstops him.

“What makes you think we’re having an affair?”

“You’re very affectionate,” she says, shrugging. “We’venoticed things.”

“He’s my best friend.” Neil’s tongue feels numb in his mouth.His words come slowly, as though his brain is still catching up to theconversation. “We’re just like that.”

“You’re close.”

“Yeah. He’s my best friend,” Neil says again, like she mighthave missed it the first time. Breanna bites her lip and glances down at whereher fingers have twisted in the paper bag.

“There’s really nothing going on there, is there?” she asksin a small voice, and Neil’s patience slips a little.

“He wouldn’t do that to Dan. I wouldn’t do that toDan.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—”

“Didn’t mean to what? Imply that we’re both cheatingassholes? Yes, you did, otherwise you wouldn’t have said anything.”

He knows his temper is sparking, knows he should put a lidon it, but his mouth is running faster than he can catch it. He doesn’tunderstand how she can’t see that they’re the two least likely people to beunfaithful to their partners, or why she thinks it’s any of her concern anyway.

“But you can see how it seemed like that, right? I mean, hecalls you pet names all the time. You buy him pastries for no reason. Lastweek, he kissed you at practice.”

“On the forehead,” Neil feels the need to remind her. “Becausewe’re friends. Do you need a rundown of every interaction we’ve ever had toprove that? How about a timeline of the development of our friendship?”

“This really isn’t any of my business,” Breanna says andNeil’s mouth twists in scorn.

“You’re right, it isn’t. I should go. I still want to get tothe patisserie before it closes.” He stands up, forcibly releasing the tensionin his fists, and tells himself to walk away. “See you at practice tomorrow.”

“Neil, I’m sorry,” she starts to say but he waves her off.He only makes it three steps before he decides he’s not finished. He pivots onthe spot, clenches his fists, and inhales sharply.

“For the record, I have a boyfriend and we’re very happy,”he says and watches Breanna’s face go slack, her mouth opening on words thatdon’t come out. It takes her three tries to find them.

“You never said.”

“It was never any of your business.”

She bows her head little, then looks up to meet his eyes,her cheek dimpled where it’s caught between her teeth. Neil shrugs.

“Just so you know. He’s the only one I’m interested in.”

Breanna nods and looks like she wants to say something else,but she doesn’t protest when Neil turns again to walk away. He has a funnyfeeling the patisserie doesn’t open late and he really doesn’t want to missthem.

◊

“The team think we’re having an affair,” he tells Mattlater, perched on the kitchen workbench to the left of the stove. Matt iscooking pasta sauce in a large pot, which means he’s making enough to freezethe leftovers because he knows Neil will happily go hungry if it means hedoesn’t have to cook on days when he can’t find the energy.

“Our team?” Matt asks incredulously. Neil nods,absentmindedly popping the seal on a half-empty jar of olives.

“Ramírez told me it’s been team gossip for weeks.”

Matt laughs, reaching around Neil to lift another pot downfrom the shelf above his head. He puts it on one of the empty hobs and returnsto stirring his sauce, so Neil leans over to flick the switch on the kettle. Hesettles back into his earlier position and searches Matt’s face, but all hefinds are traces of amusement. It calms him a little, his temper over Breanna’saccusations dissipating.

“Fifty bucks says Pav started it,” Matt says, grinning.Aleksei Pavlov is one of their starting backliners and notorious for hisoutlandish but widely believed rumours. He and Matt have a friendly rivalrythat involves playful nicknames and good-natured trash talking at every turn.

“I don’t bet,” Neil reminds Matt unnecessarily. The kettlepings as the water reaches boiling point and he lifts it over to pour into theempty pot on the stovetop. “Allison would have a field day with this though.”

“Oh God, let’s not tell her. If she finds out, Dan findsout, and I’ll be trying to live it down until I’m old and grey,” Matt laughs.Neil hands him a pair of scissors to cut open the bag of pasta in his hand, andreplaces the now empty kettle on its outlet.

“She wouldn’t be mad?”

“Hardly. She’d think it was hilarious.” Matt pours pastainto the pot and flicks the gas on, before giving Neil a curious look. “WouldAndrew be mad?”

Neil hums, returning to pressing the lid of the olive jarand letting it pop back into place. He doesn’t know what Andrew wouldthink—they’ve never had cause to discuss it before—but he can count on one handthe amount of times Andrew has shown interest in things that don’t directlyconcern him.

“I don’t think he’d care.”

“What, he hears his boyfriend is off gallivanting with hishot roommate halfway across the country and he doesn’t even want to check up?”

“He knows we’re not. Andrew doesn’t care for rumours,” Neilsays, shrugging. Thinking of Andrew’s signature apathy dispels the remainder ofhis anger and he finds that he doesn’t care for the rumour either. Andrew’svoice in his head asks why he cares what other people think and Neil can’t finda reason.

“That’s true enough,” Matt agrees. He twists off the heatunder the sauce and gestures at Neil. “Pass me those olives, would you, mylove?”

Neil snorts, releases the seal on the jar, and hands itover. “This is why people think we’re having an affair.”

“Maybe we are.”

Matt’s tongue dips out to lick the corner of his smile andNeil rolls his eyes.

“If I was going to cheat, I think I could at least do betterthan you.”

Neil earns himself an olive pitted straight at his foreheadfor that one. He catches its rebound in his hand and pops it into his mouth,rubbing the stain off his skin and kicking half-heartedly in Matt’s direction.Matt takes an exaggerated step out of the way and returns to slicing olives andsprinkling them into the sauce.

“Do you really want to be insulting me when the fate of yourdinner rests in my hands?” Matt asks. Neil leans over to steal another olive.

“I’ll tell Kevin you’re intentionally depriving me of abalanced diet.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“I have him on speed dial,” Neil says, slipping his phoneout of his pocket and holding it up for emphasis. He pushes off the counterwith his hands, landing softly on the linoleum floor and using the momentum toslide on socked feet to the other side of the kitchen. He bends to take twobowls from the cupboard and leans over to the cutlery drawer as he hears Mattchecking on the pasta behind him.

“Hey, sweetheart?”

Neil turns to find Matt beckoning to him, a strand ofspaghetti dangling from his fingers. He steps over and holds out his hand whenprompted by Matt’s grabby motions. Matt loops the spaghetti around his ringfinger, twisting and squeezing the ends until they mush together, effectivelytying the pasta to Neil’s finger.

“Give the team something to talk about, hey,” he says,exaggerating the wink that accompanies it. Neil turns his hand around and holdsup his middle finger in response. Matt laughs and the sound is white horsesbreaking over Neil’s head. He lets himself be pulled under.

◊

mattyb: [image attached]

mattyb: he said yes!

wildz: what

gaynolds: what

renesbian: what

nickyminaj: what

aminyard: what.

nickyminaj: omg

◊

Andrew calls him two hours later while Matt is making hotchocolate and Neil is flicking through sports channels with the TV on mute.

“I let you do one thing on your own and you get engaged toBoyd,” he says by way of hello. Neil smiles, tipping his head against the backof the couch and tapping the remote against his thigh.

“Jealous, are we?”

Andrew huffs, just barely but Neil catches it. He bites downon a laugh and lets his eyes slip closed.

“I thought you at least had better taste than that.”

“I chose you, didn’t I?” Neil says. Warm honey oozes downhis spine and he melts into the cracks between the couch cushions, the wholeworld slipping away and zeroing in on the static crackling down the phone line.Andrew’s voice is sturdy and smooth, garbled by the distance but stillunmistakeably his. Neil relaxes into it.

“Is that an affirmation of your good taste or further proofof your idiocy?”

Neil hums around a grin but doesn’t reply. He knows Andrewknows what he means, even though neither of them will acknowledge it. Theylapse into steady silence, soft breaths and fleeting movements between them.Neil can hear the buzz of traffic from Andrew’s end and assumes he’s on thebalcony of his high-rise apartment, overlooking the bustling street. Neilremembers the city lights and cool breeze from his last visit, the smell ofsmoke and petrol mixing in the air, the way the railing felt digging into hisback when Andrew kissed him up against it. He lets out a half-sigh, abortedbefore Andrew can make anything of it, and swallows the whiskey-flavouredmemory.

“My team knows about you,” he says, just to have somethingto say. It’s a lot like that with Andrew now—they no longer deal in weightedtruths and bleeding secrets. Neil finds that he doesn’t mind half as much as hethought he would, back when he used to worry they would run out of things tosay one day. Sometimes they have conversations without substance; after all,Andrew has always been good at making something out of nothing.

“I would hope so. They’ve played me twice,” Andrew says onan exhale. With his eyes pressed shut and his lips parted on a breath, Neil canalmost taste the smoke leaking from Andrew’s mouth.

“Funny,” he deadpans. Neither of them laugh. “I mean aboutus.”

He half expects Andrew to be difficult for the sake of it,but Andrew has long since stopped denying they are two parts of the same whole.He fiddles with his cigarette instead; Neil can hear his fingers tap away theash.

“Is that a problem?” he asks and Neil hears the part hedoesn’t say, the I don’t mind if you don’t, the this was never secretto anyone who was looking.

“No.”

“Okay.”

Neil breathes. Andrew smokes. The silence fills spacesbetween them.

Neil cracks an eye open when Matt taps him on the shoulder,holding out a steaming mug. From the smell, it’s a fruity blend from the packof herbal teas Kati had given him as thanks for helping out with hergirlfriend’s move. The mug is hot beneath his fingers so he balances it on hisknee while he resituates his grip to the handle, and raises it to his lips.

Andrew? Matt mouths as he settles onto the other sideof the couch, his own mug of hot chocolate warming his palms. Neil nods,nestling the phone between his ear and his shoulder so he can tap the ringfinger of his opposite hand, an explanation of Andrew’s call. Matt grins aroundthe lip of his mug before taking a sip.

“Tell him if he likes it then he should have put a ring onit.”

Neil frowns, glances down at his hand, and then back up atMatt. He mouths what in return but Matt just flaps his hand at thephone.

“Matt says,” Neil looks at him again and Matt gives him athumbs up, “if you like it then you should have put a ring on it?”

There’s a shuffling sound as Andrew shifts around, thesqueak of a screen door sliding open and closed, before the city noises cut offand the silence takes on a new shape.

“Tell Boyd if he likes his tongue he should keep it in hismouth.”

Neil relays the threat and Matt laughs aloud, his hotchocolate sloshing dangerously close to the rim of his mug. Neil watches him inshock—it’s the first time he can remember seeing Matt find genuine humour inanything one of Andrew’s lot have said.

“Did you just make a joke?” he asks Andrew. He’s not surewhich he’s more caught off guard by: that Andrew made a joke or that Matt foundit funny.

“It wasn’t a joke. It was a warning.”

A cupboard door clips shut from Andrew’s end and Neil hearsthe chink of crockery. He makes eye contact with Matt, who raises his eyebrowsand sips his hot chocolate, before shrugging off his surprise.

“I have to make dinner,” Andrew says. It isn’t a dismissalbut Neil can tell by his voice Andrew doesn’t feel like talking.

“Okay,” he agrees, “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Andrew grunts, which is an affirmation in its own way, andhangs up without saying goodbye. Neil drops his phone between his thighs forsafekeeping and takes another drink of his tea. Matt nudges Neil’s shin withhis toe, nodding at the TV.

“You watching that?”

There’s a replay of an Exy match from the previous week, butNeil’s already seen it and it isn’t Andrew or Kevin’s team. He hands Matt theremote in lieu of a response and lets his eyes drift shut on the snippets ofsoaps flashing by as Matt switches channels.

◊

gaynolds: it’s been 8 days since our last b/jnonsense

nickyminaj: is that a record?

gaynolds: i think so

wildz: wild

wildz: get it haha

jos10: What’s b/j nonsense?

gaynolds: it’s you honey

aaminyard: aka every time you message this chateveryone has a stroke

nickyminaj: lmfao tru

jos10: Why?

wildz: u n matt r disasters

wildz: always gttin up 2 crzy shit

nickyminaj: u send the most concerning messages andnever elaborate

jos10: No, we don’t?

gaynolds: NO WE DON’T HE SAYS

nickyminaj: remember when matt and neil’s couch gotripped to shreds by a bird

nickyminaj: and they never explained how

gaynolds: remember when matt and neil got married

renesbian: remember when Neil texted the group chat‘cowabunga’ followed by three hashtags

renesbian: then ten seconds later said he rememberedMatt was visiting Dan and not to worry

wildz: rmbr wen m drank 3L of mntn dew at once

wildz: & n sent a pic of him passed out w ac.board cutout of dolly parton

wildz: y do they hav a c.board cutout of dolly parton

jos10: We can’t recycle her without concerning theneighbours.

renesbian: I think the question is why do you haveher in the first place

jos10: Oh.

jos10: We got her from Dollar Tree.

gaynolds: dollar tree sells cardboard cutouts ofdolly parton ???

jos10: I don’t think she was for sale.

nickyminaj: u STOLE dolly parton from dollar tree

aaminyard: you sound surprised

nickyminaj: i mean yeah

nickyminaj: aren’t u ??

aaminyard: no

gaynolds: no

wildz: no

renesbian: no

nickyminaj: good point

jos10: [image attached]

jos10: She lives in the shower.

gaynolds: that is quite literally the most terrifyingcombination of information/image i’ve ever seen

wildz: 1 time i stayed @ b/j apt & she slept inth bed w me n matt

aaminyard: what the fuck

gaynolds: why did we ever let those two live together

nickyminaj: yeah this has gone too far

wildz: m can move in w me if andrew will take n ??

aminyard: deal.

jos10: Who gets Dolly?

aminyard: never mind I don’t want him.

◊

When Neil wakes up in his and Matt’s apartment on what Mattdubs their ‘roommate-iversary’, the morning feels like a wave, hugging the bayit crashes into and guiding Neil’s breaths through the ebb and flow. A yearstretches across the floorboards, worn smooth under their tread, and laps atthe walls, where they’ve taken to sticking photographs and reminders andsmiley-face messages from one to the other. The world is quiet around him, butfor the buzz of the radio and the familiar pattern of footfalls againstlinoleum floor.

Neil finds Matt in the kitchen, two mugs on the worktop anda pancake flipping through the air towards the pan in his outstretched hand.

“Morning, princess,” Matt says, holding up one of the mugswithout turning. Neil loops his fingers through the handle and around theceramic curve, bringing it to his lips to blow the billow of steam away fromthe rim.

“Morning, sunshine,” he says, leaning against the corner ofthe fridge. The way Matt freezes is almost comedic, like each muscle isolatingand tensing one by one. When he looks up, his gigawatt smile is alreadyplastered over his face, bright enough to dissolve the dreary heaviness of themorning, and Neil’s returning grin bites into his cheeks before he can hold itback. Matt returns to his breakfast with crinkles by his eyes. Neil blowslightly on his coffee and takes a sip.

◊

mattyb has changed their name to sunshine.

jos10 has changed their name to princess.

◊

#maz.dox #mdb #naj #andreil #fic #remussloopin #answered

162 notes · View notes

faunusrights · 6 years ago

Text

OFFAL HUNT REMASTER LIVEBLOG // CHAPTER 9

oh goody!

well this is it. the Date Chapter. the chapter, in which, the Date happens. lowkey im so fucking hype for this stupid goddamn chapter AAAAAAAAAAAA this is when the sexy got kicked up about seven notches and i know its gonna be a fucking twenty from here on out so LETS GO LESBIANS LETS GO

“Is this your date, Ms. Fall?” he asked.

Cinder didn’t look away from Glynda. “Mhm.”

STRAIGHT OUT OF THE GODDAMN GATE WE DIDN’T EVEN HAVE A SECOND TO EVEN GATHER OURSELVES JUST STRAIGHT UP HUH!!!!!!!!! ‘is this your date’ im legally dead

What the fuck.

already im fucking THRIVING im so glad this chapter’s mood got encapsulated within the first ten seconds and im definitely gonna have to re-read this chapter for the full unannotated experience OOOOOOOOOH MY GOD IM SO READY

Glynda’s thoughts ricocheted inside her head like coins left in a dryer. A part of her couldn’t understand what was happening and disengaged. The rest of her, grasping for purchase in all this, reasoned that going with Cinder was better than staying here confused, alone, and utterly displaced.

glynda ‘i aint ever had a gf before’ goodwitch at her PEAK right here. like GOD shes gone from ‘cinder’s trying to murder me’ to ‘cinder just plopped me right into a date’ like CINDER. CINDER YR CHANGING GEARS SO FAST. YOU DIDNT EVEN SEND FLOWERS OR ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

is it because shes a u-haul lesbian or

Higher, Glynda realized the dress itself was backless, revealing the black tattoo she’d seen so often before, perfectly centered between sharp shoulder blades.

this gay energy is BONKERS, quite frankly??????? where did cinder get her dress from? why does she have it? did she buy it just for this fuckery? or will she pull the ‘i just had a this lil number laying around’ line????????? does she wanna seduce glynda to death?????? was this PLANNED OR DID SHE JUST DECIDE SHE WANTED A DATE AND WTH LIFE REALLY IS SHORT ON REMNANT THESE DAYS?????????? cinder fall please explain your workings to the class

maybe Glynda wasn’t the only one who’d become adept at reading her opponent.

👏 when 👏 will 👏 they 👏 kiss 👏 already 👏👏👏👏

me: this is a slowburn also me: if u assholes dont give me this in the next ten seconds-

“Unarmed? As if you could be so helpless.”

cinder’s style of flirting is just. commentating on a person’s deadliness. that’s IT it’s the only TRICK SHE HAS and its working, is the thing,

im reading the description of the table and remembering the shitpost and oh my god i have to draw this???? hell IS real!!!!!! COULDNT YALL JUST TOSS EM IN A PLAIN BOX,

Cinder eyed her from her bastion of dark cushions,

cinder, ass-deep in cushions: this is peak cuddle territory come and join me

Cinder, for her part, seemed delighted Glynda had noticed. Touching the pendant more gently than Glynda might have ever thought her capable of, Cinder said, “Yours? You didn’t seem to mind parting with it.”

im still deeply enjoying this powermove the novelty NEVER wears off (and at risk of light spoilers i do enjoy its place in this story 👀)

Cinder let the necklace drop, settling against the swell of her bust once more,

/lightly coughs 👀👀👀

im losing my MIND at how gay this bit is i physically cannot HANDLE IT and if they even describe the meal once im gonna pop off cause i am. SO HUNGRY RN. AAAAAAAAAAAA

Cinder indicated a dish of lamb and vegetables, served on a bed of rice and drizzled in some sort of sauce.

SRY THIS ISNT GAY BUT OH MY GOD IM SO HUNGRY I WANNA E A T I T THAT SOUNDS SO GOOD UGHGHGHGHGHGH WHY DID THIS CHAPTER HAVE TO BE TODAY OF ALL THE DAYS,

Glynda cleared her throat, working out: “The Grimm.”

like. GOD WE KNOW GLYNDA IS JUST SO FUNCTIONALLY BAD AT CONVERSATION BUT OF ALL THE THINGS glynda please just. just. stop thinking abt her sexy tattoos for a fifth of a second,

“You can control them.” A sedate blink. For all the world, Glynda might have just commented on the weather.

which is a faux pas for a date!!!!!!!!!!! at least tell her the DRESS IS SEXY WE ALL KNO WHATS WHAT YR THINKIN ABT

Glancing down as though it were being pointed out to her for the first time, Cinder shrugged and adjusted the end of the glove a little higher on her bicep. “And?”

a quick aside im enjoying how like... visually expressive cinder is in this remaster! i can see her facial expressions and her motions really clearly in my mind’s eye which is a fun little boon if only because i have to redraw this nonsense hjsgdfjhfksgd but cinder’s got a Good Face this time around! A QUALITY FACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You should know by now, there’s something about you that’s simply irresistible to Grimm.”

HERE COMES THE PLOT (and a single surviving line so far... this one sentence has survived all the world could throw at it... we stan)

Cinder straightened, and Glynda saw that this was what she’d been waiting for.

“It isn’t every day the great Glynda Goodwitch kneels before her adversary, is it?”

HELLO??????????????????????????? WHATS THIS WORDING????????? honestly tho for a second i thought she meant like. quite literally and i thought id missed some PROPER SHIT RIGHT THERE BUT YEAH WTH!!!!!!! C I N D E R

“You cheated. You can’t beat me on your own.”

yes glynda we gathered that yr a top

“Really, Glynda? Poison?” she sneered, something like offense simmering in her expression. “After all this?”

looks at the camera

anyway,

god im literally losing grasp of words to say because theres such a charged mood in this scene............. theyre brushing fingers............ trading jabs.......... im slurpin it up babey!!!!!!!! this rly is the BEST remaster of this whole scene it DESERVES this wordcount!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Beat you,” Cinder corrected. “And call it a point of pride.”

yes cinder we gathered yr a brat,

this dynamic is why this fic is so fuckign good when will winter have a swift return to add even more fuckery to this wild ride

Then, with a heavy-lidded look, Cinder found Glynda’s hand between them, the touch so sudden and daring that Glynda flinched. The fabric of those gloves was smooth against Glynda’s flesh, and for all that cruelty had marked every other instance of contact between them, Cinder was surprisingly gentle.

whomp there go my nuts

WHAT IS THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHO MADE THE EXECUTIVE CHOICE TO ADD THIS LINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO???????????? im losing my BRAINCELLS

What she wasn’t ready for was for Cinder to guide her hand to her own throat and hold it there.

THERE IS IT THERE’S THE KINK IT’S BEEN SPOTTED

oh my GOD what even IS THIS WHO ADDED THIS SECTION WHO ALLOWED THIS TO COME TO P A S S WHAT THE FUCK EVEN IS RN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HELLO????????? HEWWO??????????

Now… Now Cinder interested her.

tbh how can i liveblog this? what commentary can i POSSIBLY add that we arent already all THINKING. we just launched into a level of hell so deep that lucifers gonna have to pull some goddamn tricks to follow us down here!!!!!!!!!! WHAT IS THIS SCENE! THIS MOMENT! IM SCREAMING

Glynda mirrored the expression back at him, and finally, he coughed, not making strong eye contact with either of them. He set their plate before them and hurried out without so much as a check-in.

i just KNEW that was gonna happen JHGDSFGJHKSDF he was gonna walk in on SMTHNG but i didnt think itd be CINDER’S CHOKING KINK,

okay i took a break and ate my weight in roast chicken and we’re back babey

Almost nervously, her fingers carded through her own dark hair, and there, among the locks, Glynda spotted a glimpse of something white, structured and ridged.

AND I AM INSTANTLY KNOCKED BACK UPON MY ASS 👈W👈H😨A👈T👈

It was easier to ignore the rest of it—whatever it was.

glynda you are a fool and a moron im withering into DUST

On no level had she expected those to be Glynda’s words.

then what... did she expect... well probably -- and rightly so -- ‘bitch WHAT ARE THOSE’ TBH

wait sorry i have to jump back because i forgot customary fingerguns on the most brazen bit of Shit yet:

Cinder was occupying herself with something else: the head of a dragon, perched over the door and staring down at the two of them with red, glossy eyes.

👈👈👈😎👈👈👈

okay BACK TO THE FIC

Fangs snapped together around the word.

aka back to me horni

/chanting TEETH! TEETH! TE

okay but the reason i doubled back to catch that fingergun is because we’re getting ass-deep into plot now!!!!!!!!!!! WITCHES AND DRAGONS BABEY......... HERE’S WHAT OFFAL HUNT IS ALL ABT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant rly drop more fingerguns than that because any astute reader will start realising the dots im shouting abt and honestly half the fun of this fic is the ride so >:3c

“Funny. I was sure he would have told you.”

that blow was so low i think cinder hit the concrete with that one

oh god theyre gonna get to the bit and i-

“Is that what all of this has been about? You called me here to remind me that I'm autistic?”

/SCREAMS

The words were delivered firmly, calmly, but Cinder’s response was the opposite, sudden upheaval seizing her. Her expression opened in something akin to panic. “Wh—no? What? No! That's not what I—”

/SCREAMS

oh my GOD CINDER YOU HAVE FUCKED UP LEGENDARILY!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD SHE WAS FELL ASS-FIRST ONTO A LANDMINE OH MY GOD

offal hunt v1 cinder: im totally in control and im playing glynda every step of the way

offal hunt v2 cinder: OH JESUS OH FUCK OH NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I MEANT-

Cinder seemed genuinely stressed now, speaking quicker as though trying to bury the last sixty seconds.

i knew this remaster would have sections that would blow me away but this bit really took the fcuking cake DGHSJFSJHFDG holy SHIT this is AMAZING

It was difficult to tell in the low light, but if Glynda wasn't mistaken, there was a bright flush of embarrassment coloring Cinder’s cheeks.

this is SUCH prime content hey remember in one of the early liveblogs that cinder would descend into full dork? WELL THE DESCENT CAME EARLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! /pops bottles

“Cinder.” There was a very real line of threat in Glynda’s tone. “Don’t.”

oh this whole scene just keeps getting better i am LOVING this dynamic now!!!!!!! before it was all pretty one-sided so having the conversation rock back and forth is 👌👌👌

That Witch soul of yours—it was designed to void out everything but the prey before you. To be numb to all human emotion. To focus on the hunt and nothing else.

finally the fruit of 50% of my fingerguns COMES TO LIGHT!!!!!!!!!!! PLOT PLOT PLOT

“This is bullshit.” Jabbing an accusing finger at Cinder, Glynda said, “You’re a liar. You’re a criminal!”

i LOVE glyndas pottymouth in this its such a good like... change from her being strict and formal and teachery and now shes full on gremlin huntress hell YES BABY!!!!!!!!!! GO OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“There’s all kinds of things I bet he never told you.” Cinder continued. “Did you know he was close to your predecessor? The Witch who came before you—they were inseparable.”

SRY IM LIKE STRUGGLIN TO COMMENTATE because so much of this like. speaking as an Old-Ass Reader this is like. a LOT! A LOT HAS CHANGED and yet,,,, stayed the same,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, yall kids WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL CHAPTER LIKE................ 15 FOR THIS SHIT (but like. chapter 15 was different because this chapter used to be like chapter 7? so now everythings moved along so chapter 15 doesnt sound that impressive but trust me it was a different fic back then)

When they fell away, burnt and ruined, she could see Cinder’s bare arms for the first time. The red lines drawn across her skin sloped down the entire length of her arms, circling her elbows, carved into her wrists. They ended right at her hands, ensuring any long-sleeved garment would hide them. Every covered inch of her was filled like a canvas, like abstract art.

lets pause the fight scene for glynda to be gay!!!!! god im. okay look i said this earlier but im so glad we have more cinder like this tbh. the first version was rly lacking w/ cinder content until late-game when the plot sorta. got itself going? but now we’re eye-deep in this content i LOVE cinder i love this WEIRDO who is a HUGE LOSER and IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM LOVE HER SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And Glynda could not dispel the fear that she had been telling the truth.

and after committing Some Amount In Damages, we’re at the end of the chapter!

okay so i really enjoyed this version SO MUCH MORE. everything abt it was polished and worked together so much better and it really needed the space to breathe in its own chapter. its been horny, gay, intense, hilarious, and way more in one chapter and its SO good this really is PEAK offal hunt!!!!!!!!!!!! good job diesel and kc but im still going to murder you both,

#rwby #offal hunt #liveblog

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tenecity · 7 years ago

Text

from haters to lovers; zhu zhengting

from haters to lovers—a series where nine percent and you have the cliche, typical love story

warning: mentions of gender discrimnation

sosososososososo after much procrastination, crying and cracking my head, i finally got someth to possibly hate abt zzt hell yes god

also! taking into consideration tt china is still a v much conservative society, gender discrimnation is everywhere and rlly, as of yet, cant b helped

so which is why, imagine ure a chinese woman you found it weird, almost distasteful that a boy would be in yr dance class

i mean, guys are suppose to be strong people, doing more physical stuff like wushu or smth, and then there’s this boy here, doing pointe and perfect turns

“zhu zhengting is here!!!! oml doesn’t he look like a fairy?” your best friend tugs your sleeve as she discreetly point to the said boy. you roll your eyes. youre tired of this whole rave about him. literally, the entire class fangirls abt him; and apparently, it is not just for his looks, for also for his dance

spsjssjnsnsbs hE IS SO ELEGANT

you wld nvr admit it, but ok i guess ure borderline jealous.

i mean, his lines r clean, force controlled in his movements, perfect timing for rushed movements and then he slows down with such grace that you will never have

but its still irks you, that a boy should dance so softly and gracefully. doesn’t seem to sit well with your traditional thinking

so anyway, sidenote! you suck at turns wowww so coincidental

and every lesson, you usually would stay back just to practice it and you always end up with bruises and what nots as you fall repeatedly, no one there to catch you when you fall

somehow, zhengting stays back today as well, rehearsing his main role in the upcoming performance, “swan lake”

and you can’t keep your eyes off his figure

it is mesmerising, how he can convey emotions, feelings, an entire story, through mere movements of the arms and legs. you observe how his every move is calculated, strength justttt the right amount that it looks elegant instead of overly powerful.

and then you stare at the mirror and you sigh. probably why you only got a minor role in the performance.

shaking your head, trying to push all those nonsensical thoughts out of your brain, you continue trying to turn, but you just can’t find the balance

yixing: balance baLanCe bALANCE

once again, your arms aren’t fully stretched out and it creates an imbalance, causing you to once again, fall backwards, out of turn

you shut your eyes, bracing yourself for the impact

but it doesn’t come

surprise surprise

eyelids fluttering open slowly, you realise just how close your are to zhengting, his ragged breath from his exhausting rehearsal fan across your face, inevitably making them the colour of cherries.

“you ok?” he softly asks, as he lowers you down.

“...yea im fine.” you mumble, head bowed.

“....do you need help with the turns?”

“....”

“you know, you’re almost there. its just the part at the 180 degree mark, where you have to pull in your hands. your arms don’t always cross, or are pulled in too fast, which breaks your flow and speed and causes you to fall out of turn.”

how does he know? bc he has been looking at you, dumbass

also i hve no idea how accurate this is i suck at body anatomy

you nod slowly. he makes sense. and its true, you always fall when you are just about to spin to the opposite side.

getting up, your arms are poised, ready to try again.

andddd they become frigid as hands land on your middle, firm and supportive.

“look, its not even straight here. you need it to be 90 degrees here, before you can even start turning.” he adjusts you accordingly.

“im going to spin you slowly, and we try to perfect each section, ok?”

he spins you slowly, your arms closing in in slow motion. he corrects you at certain parts, one hand leaving your waist as he repositions yr arm.

and now, ure facing him, head bowed as a flush colours your cheeks when u realise how close the two of u r. a slight movement will just allow yr lips to brush against his.

but of course his hand is steady as hell and he just turns you slowly and you face the other direction

which, makes ur stomach churn and disappointment flows thru u????

so skipskip next scene

its after class and ure packing up when u hear some commotion at the corridor

n u follow ur busybody classmates

u can barely see who is shouting bc u a cute shortie :)

but u recognise the voice

"NO i'm staying dad. this is what i want to do."

"No, no, no. teacher, im v sorry, but i will like to pull my son out of this dance class now. i will pay the rest of the fees, but he will not be performing that stupid recital-”

“i am performing, dad.” the voice is calm and collected and you try to tiptoe, just barely catching sight of the brown locks

“no u r not. zhu zhengting, u r a boy, u cannot do this kind of girly things! it makes u look v 娘* do you know that? a disgrace, an utter disgrace!”

the voice rings as everyone falls silent, heads turning towards zhengting, waiting for his response to the harsh comment.

“i will prove to you that there is nothing to be ashamed of.” he quietly says, bowing and turning his heel, head held high, with no sign of regret or disappointment

as you watch the figure go, everything falls together like pieces of a puzzle

why he works so hard

why when it already seems perfect enuf, he still practices, saying there is still space for improvement

why he was so desperate to get the main role

he wanted to b in the spotlight and give a flawless performance bc he wanted to prove to his father, that boys dont have to b restrained to a singular activity and stereotype. they can do whatever they want, so long as they like it

guilt washes over u as u watch his father storm after his son, realising that this man is a reflection of you

new found respect is the word u will use on zhengting.

everyone applauds him. an art form shld never be restricted to a gender.

ur heart opens up to him more, and admiration for him blooms as u watch him place high expectations on himself, doing a particular move over and over again, even tho in your eyes, it alr seems perfect enuf

just like how he is to you; perfect and flawless

its addicting to watch him. his pale arms, his clean movements, his strong legs, his silky brown locks, the way his eyes sparkle when he talks about dance, the way the edges crinkle when he laughs, the way he is so bubbly about everything.

and he starts to take notice of you too, helping you to readjust properly, telling you tricks and tips on how to keep perfect balance, how to put the correct about of strength into a movement.

for the next few weeks, you end up gg hme later than usual, staying bck with more than an hour just to spend time with him, and not gg to lie, you r falling for him

but... you kinda don’t rlly knw i mean

he’s nice to everyone

what makes you so special?

anywayyyyyyy

FINALLY RECITAL DAY WOOHOO

everyone’s pretty hyped about it

but u knw the main dancers will be extremely nervous and u decide to go find zhengting in his dressing room, just to give him assurance, if he needs any.

“zhengting?”

“hmmm?” he says (???) as he turns around and oMLORD JESUS CHRIST IS HE A BEAUT

the eyeshadow makes him look sultry, the foundation emphasising how his skin is flawless and hydrated, his eyebrows strong and dark, a true prince indeed

he snaps his fingers, pulling u out of yr trance. “did you want to say anything?” u hear a hint of hope and u almost smirk

“uh...you look good? and good luck.” you mumble, tripping over your words, unused to a god-like creature looking at u with such intensity in his dark eyes

“what did you say?” he teases, cheekiness flowing through his words

“i said,” you clear your throat. “you look good and good luck for your performance

how you wish to wipe that smirk off that face, if not for the fact that u secretly find it EXTREMELY HOT and your cheeks are flaring red at the sight of it.

“if u want to wish me good luck,” he leans forward. flirtatious. “how about a kiss on the cheek?”

you roll your eyes and try to push him away but he is quick to grab your hands and stop them midway, intertwining your cold, clammy ones with his own.

“please?”

“fine,” you try to sound nonchalant but the nervousness is so evident that u see the smirk creeping up his face again.

lips barely brush over the smooth skin and you pull away, blood surging upwards into the blood vessels of your face.

“bye,” you want nothing more than to dig a hole and hide your burning face

“see you afterwards?”

but u’ve already rushed out and he chuckles to himself, warmth oozing thru his being, and his cheeks flush as he thinks about the kiss you give him.

he will definitely have to find you later to give you a proper one ;)

you guys wld b cute buBS UWU

my endings suck dbhasdjbfhjdbkjf

#i gave up on the three parts #i just let this flow

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eternal-bangtan · 5 years ago

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So long story short I was a really big fan of bts for awhile but I got bored of them when boy with luv came out, didn’t listen to it that much but it grew on me. Tonight my mom called me into her room bc bts was on James Corden and it made me realize that idk I’ve kinda felt empty without them. The point of this: I don’t really like one of the members. I don’t wanna say because I know the backlash for this member would be awful. I don’t know what to do bc I always hear Stan one of none. Plz help

holy shit i never thought that i can get an ask like this and i dont even know if im the right person or can explain properly dhdjdjdd but im gonna just say my thoughts ok? maybe they will help u maybe they wont we r all different and need different approaches right

to me personally the idea of ‘stan ot7’ is a whole realization that everything matters and without 7 members/fans/some dumb shit/whatever happened good or bad there wouldnt be bts we know and that member u may not like is also as huge part of this path as other members without this one member at some point there could not be bts at all its a short version of my thoughts

i dont wanna sound too loud or weird rn but every time people say ‘i read the lyrics and that song spoke to me oh it helped oh this song helped me to accept and love myself oh this song made me cry cuz this is the way i felt too this cured my depression this gave me strength etc’ if everything didnt happen the way it did (aka 7 members complicated path a lot of shit but also good things) there wouldnt be these comments from ppl all over the world there wouldnt be songs wouldnt be uh lets call them saved fans cuz as i saw many people discovered them when they felt really bad and their songs and lyrics and messages helped them

so about not liking one member

1 when i first discovered bts and watched my first mv (ok even before that and when i only saw one clip of bts randomly without knowing them) i had a bias already and he made me dig a little deeper and when i decided to have a blog on tumblr at first i was following only blogs about this member and no one else and thought meh i only liked him why should i follow someone else related blogs rn 🤷‍♂️ and i didnt know how the whole kpop wolrd worked at that time lol

2 after some time i got used to them but felt a little strange about couple members i just couldnt get them i was puzzled and careful

3 after some more time i watched a lot of content i read some things and oK i got a whole ass knowledge (idk how many months passed) about every member and i remember having a ‘oh my god i love him so much hes such an amazing human being and makes my heart melt’ thingy with every memberrr at some point but it happened gradually

but in ur case u were a big fan as u say before idk for how long idk how old r u idk what kind of person r u so this may be a little harder

so what do i think about not liking one member

we all r very different and our surroundings r very different and our minds too and our preferences etc etc etc and if u think about it as not a kpop situation it would be normal right dhsjdj but we r here talking about kpop and it has some rules so,,, i will continue i personally tried to get to know those members a little more and better to understand them to know what do they feel and how do they treat others or how others treat these members and what r their roles etc and even if i didnt like some idk lets say ‘habits’ after some time i just accepted these ‘habits’ like a part of their personality u know? but yeah at this point i think of them as a family hdjdjdjd after stuff they have been through and how they all supported each other,,, idk its so precious to me its huge and important maybe im a lil oversensitive or empathic but i get it a little and appreciate that they became the way they r today ( while im writing all of this somehow THE EDINGING OF WE R BULLETPROOF ETERNAL KEEPS PLAYING IN MY HEAD AND IM ALMOST A SOBBING MESS) idk how it works but with bts u r breaking ur own principles and it makes sth inside of u expand and be more open minded and mentally flexible

but yO recently in their interviews they mentioned how hard it is ( i think it was hoseok i even took a screenshot oNE SEC) here it is

cr to op

so as u see its a normal thing and even they got used to each other after some time 🤷‍♂️ (i mean not from the beginning and they needed that t i m e to learn and grow up and accept etc) and ITS REALLY PRECIOUS THAT THEY R AT THIS POINT RN THAT THEY LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH it makes me think a lot about me and my friends and rethink some shit or the way i behave 😔

but wait was ur question ‘how do i accept the fact that everyone says love ot7 and i love ot6’ or ‘how do i love that seventh member’

ok about first question even tho i dont like solos etc even tho im ot7 i can say that people love to generalize anyway or love to attack or make assumptions so if u r not thinking anything bad about that member or not discrediting him and u r really realizing his huge role in their group and u just not a big fan of his ‘personality’ i think its not awful cuz we may not like some certain things in people and it happens esp irl with ppl 🤔 but if u r that type of ot6 like ‘ugh when will ______ quIT I H8TE HIM HES ABSOLUTELY POINTLESS’ its not good cuz well h8ing is the most self destructing thing lol and well wishing that someone should quit is also bad (and im saying this not from fans point of view) and should i even explain why

if its about second question hm u know after the beginning of this path of stanning bts and this fandom i faced many of my inner demons all of a sudden and after realizing whats the reason whats the source of those demons and after some work with them i felt a lot better and freer and relieved,, what if after accepting this seventh member and starting liking him too u will feel better too? what if its about having an inner conflict i really mean it think about ‘what do i not like about him/ why do i not like this or that/ is this that bad/ what if i liked ___ about him even tho i never liked this ever in my life/can i change the way i feel about it/ etc’ maybe u have this question in ur head rn cuz it meant to happen and u meant to work with ur inner state through this ?

i truly believe in few things 1 everything happens for the better (even tho realization can hit after many years) 2 everything happens in the best timing (for this thing! in ur life and u r ready for it) 3 if u dont like something and cant get rid of it just change ur reaction/perseption whatever that word is saying this from my own experience and there r more but dhhdhd

so at first just think about it if u need u can write it down somewhere it will help u to get to know urself better as well

ok maybe its not that deep but for quite some time whenever something bothers me i write it down to the notes starting from what happened what do i feel what exactly made me feel like this and why and what can i do to feel better

fr everyone can think of everything like ‘its not that deep’ but at the end of the day literally everything even little thing can help us with our mental state (after some work ofc) we better not underesetimate this world and things that happen to us 😔😔😔

also i wanna apologize for couple things english is not my first language so i tried my best but ofc there r typos and yes i dont have a habit of using punctuation i hope its not a big problem to u 😔

#SORRY IT TOOK MORE THAN ALMOST 1.5 HOURS IK #ask #id also love to say that its not about me treating such ‘simple’ things in this way #as i said it may be not that deep #but i decided to share my own experience #and it is really deeper even tho we may not think it is #everything that u like that surrounds u the way u think #its part of ur life #and u choose this path in particular #so i personally think #if sth bothers u #even such small things #u should think why #and thats why i wrote that whole write it down ask urself questions thingy #cuz it works like this with everything #it may not be about kpop it may be u about liking some art in particular or some way of behaviour or concepts of living #u know? u should listen to urself always #there r situations when others made us think/feel some type of way about sth and we feel conflicted after feeling it in another way #have u ever felt like this?#the most important thing is to listen to urself and not let others do this for u #yeah its more about how to live a life at this point #not about ‘i dont like one member what do i do’#i hope at least sth here will help u somehow 😔

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parkwoojin · 7 years ago

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the shipping in the wanna one fandom is cute, can you ship some of you mutuals with the wanna one members

- daniel w/ val @kingdans ; tbh i was debating either dan or ong in the end i flipped a coin which means fate wants her nd dan to be together LOL she’s always screaming abt him in her tags and i think its rlly cute ;; i also think daniel would find her funny and that they’d balance each other out v well! he would take care of her and tell her cheesy jokes that she’d pretend to hate

-jihoon w/ naia @parkji-hoons ; naia like hardly ever tags posts and the only times she does is when its of jihoon and shes professing her love to him JFDKLS it makes me laugh she’s so great! also jihoon is like an odd sort of manly u know what i mean like though he does do a lot of aegyo he’s v chill and playful so i think he needs a good spirited person to take care of him which i think naia is ideal for, plus jihoon wld make her v happy which she deserves!!

-daehwi w/ claire @dearlydaehwi ; her dedication nd love for daehwi is unbelievable!! she is always on the ball w/ info and updates bc she loves him so much and i love screaming about the brand new boys w/ her! she’s also a bright person who’s v easy to talk too, just like daehwi so ofc they belong together…. they soulmates dont u know!! plus they’re both super super cute and i want to protect them both!!!!!

-jaehwan w/ lucy @kimjaehwanswife ; lucy is rlly one of the funniest blogs i follow hJDFLSFAF everytime she makes text posts i die laughing….. she hates and loves jaehwan at the same time like thts tru luv yall!!!!!! she’s also v strongminded and protective of her friends so i think she’d be a good match for jaehwan bc he’s been thru some rough times and she’d be good at cheering him up!! jaehwan, the funniest member of wanna one and lucy, one of the funniest people on tumblr.com wow can u imagine anything better

-seongwoo w/ ginny @ongsecngwoo ; i have an unexplainable soft spot for ginny hFJDLFsf is that weird i think its bc she and i tag posts in a similar fashion like our lil comments nd keysmashes hAHA anyway, she’s one of the first ong blogs i followed so i now associate the both of them together so it has to be ginny! 2 kind amazin ppl, ong wld make her laugh a lot and i dun think he’d be pressured about being funny in front of her & THEY CLD GO ON CUTE DRIVES 2GETHER……

-woojin w/ gee @darkpastwoojin ; TBH I SHIP ALL WOOJIN STANS W/ WOOJIN WE LOVE OUR GUY!!!! but if i must pick one it has to be gee! like she rlly loves him so much i think she’s rb every post of woojin to exist on tumblr LOL i always see her rb my posts with the cutest tags her love for woojin makes me smile so hard!!! she’s also so kind and sweet! also i called woojin yesterday nd he told me he loves her; no printer just fax out here - them hearts he was shooting out at the fansign? all for her

-guanlin w/ mel @1guanlins ; mel is rlly bright and happy she tags guanlin as her sunshine nd das rlly cute ! and other times she’ll say she wants to light herself on fire bc of him which i think truly captures the duality that both her and guanlin have…. as in sometimes guanlin is the softest baby boy to ever live and other times he looks like he came straight out of a magazine w/ those amAZING visuals i cant believe hes only turning 16 this yr its too much; also mel uses a lot of emojis in her tags which is young hip and in the know just like guanlin #OTP

-jisung w/ jasmyn @yoonjsung ; ah i sometimes see her interactions w/ the emoboiz squad and from what i can tell she’s so caring and kind to her friends so her and jisung would make literally the P E R F E C T match! he’s always looking out for w1 but he needs some1 to look out for him too so i think jasmyn and him would be nice! i think jisung wld also be v attentive plus he’s good w/ kids so thats v important!

-minhyun w/ sarah @minhwangs ; though sarah occupies 3 lanes simultaneously (min, dan, and woojin - how you ask? her car is huge) she belongs w/ minhyun in my heart - the og OTP!!! they’re both such affectionate and kind people who care for others while also retaining some silliness LOL i love sarah!!! treat minhyun well girl…. have tea parties w/ the busan line okay use ur opportunity well

-jinyoung w/ abia @rosybaejin ; bc when i think baejin i think abia she was one of the only baejin blogs i followed for a while so again i associate her w/ jinyoung! 70% of the baejin content on my dash is from her LOL she loves him a lot and i think he’d pair well with her he’s such a soft sweet shy and happy boy

-sungwoon w/ yan @sung-woons ; if you’ve seen yan you’ll know she looks like an angel aka a being who lives up in the clouds and sungwoon is a cloud ill let yall connect the dots!!!! LOL but truly her love for sungwoon is so pure nd cute so i have to ship them

#ask #anon #reply #omg ik ive like never spoken to some of yall b4 so i apologize if this is a lil weird hJDFKDJLf #tag game #Anonymous

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deafinatlyafan · 8 years ago

Text

It gets Handsy

Sign language is very broad and different, usually sign language has its own grammar, but I will be writing them in English grammar when referring to Anxiety’s point of view because he understands the language a bit more. For prince, he is confused and still learning sign so it the grammar is funny to him, but it will basically be in English, just in a weird away. I’m still learning sign so I don’t know how the grammar works just yet.

He does finger spell most of the time, but sometimes he uses actual signs so when you see stiff like t-h-i-s- -i-t- - j-u-s-t- means he is fingerspelling (spelling each letter with the alphabet.)

((sometimes he uses the alphabet because he needs to slow his thoughts down a bit and it helped with his spelling, plus it was less inconspicuous to use finger spelling so that it was well hidden under the table for example or he just sign at his side. It also looked like he was just fidgeting with air so not many people commented on it when he would sign with his arms to his side.)))

Anxiety had been using sign language to help him stay grounded, or even to say whatever he wanted without the others understanding. It was great, and he loved it. He especially loved it to help when he was about to have a panic attack. Although it didn’t work every time, it helped give him a distraction when he could handle it. He always signed with a straight face, which he knew wasn’t the proper way to do it, but he was the only one of the sides that knew sign language. He didn’t want the others to know how he really felt. Plus, he was worried they would understand more if he showed even an expression on his face.

It was strange, letting your thoughts out, but having no one understand what you were saying. It did help slow his thoughts down though, especially when trying to figure out if he spelt something right. “G-r-e-e-n- y-e-l-l-o-w- -b-l-a-c-k- -b-r-o-w-n” Anxiety was trying to calm himself by fingerspelling whatever color he could see in front of him. He was in the coom’s room which was mostly dark green, with brown chairs. Anxiety had his yellow sunshine pillow Morality gave him, that he would snuggling with. (He would always scowl at those who judged him about it, but it made Morality happy. Plus, it was snuggly.) “w-h-y- a-m -I- l-i-k-e- -t-h-i-s- I- - h-a-t-e e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g o-h -i-t h-u r-t-s -p-l-e-a-s-e s-t-o-p -i-t -p-l-e-a-s-e p-l-e-a-s-e- -p-l-e-a-s-e.” Anxiety never liked panic attacks (who wouldn’t) but he hated it even more if he had a panic attack outside of his room. “t-h-i-s- -i-s- -g-r-e-a-t- -j-u-s-t- -g-r-e-a-t- -i-t- -w-a-s- -j-u-s-t- -f-r-e-a-k-i-n-g-l-y- -f-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c-a-l-l-y- -g-r-e-a-t.”

“Anxiety are you okay?” Morality asked. He didn’t realize Morality or Prince was there until he was right in front of him. “Mh hm.” Anxiety answered, but his hands were saying “n-o -n-o- -n-o- p-l-e-a-s-e- -h-e-l-p-, - I- don’t want - -t-o- -b-e- alone -a-g-a-i-n-“ and continued, spelling all the thing in his head. Morality smiled, (but Anxiety didn't see,) not believing it, but assuming Anxiety would tell him if he was ready so he walked away, humming some tune nobody recognized. Prince frowned. He was following Morality, but it seemed like Anxiety needed him more. Plus, he wanted to see if he could understand what he was signing so he could help his crush. He had managed to read the first few letters Anxiety signed, but he didn’t get the rest. This was his moment to see if he could help Anxiety.

Prince didn’t want anyone to know he was learning until he could understand most of what Anxiety said, but he knew Anx would want company. He went across the emo side and sat across from him but on the couch, just pretending to play on his phone as he watched Anxiety. He wasn’t recording him, it was just his way of watching Anx while not actually looking at him so Anxiety didn’t feel uncomfortable. However, this made it difficult to see what Anx was signing; but he didn't want to look suspicious standing in front of the TV. “w-h-y- -d-o- -I- -h-a-v-e- -t-o- -b-e- -l-i-k-e- -t-h-i-s-? -I- -c-a-n-t- -d-o- -a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g- -r-i-g-h-t-, -w-h-y- -c-a-n-t- -i-t- -b-e- -d-o-n-e- -with. Please stop Prince is in here and I can’t have my crush see me like this.” Anxiety was trying so hard to keep breathing normally and it seemed to be working since Prince wasn’t telling him to breathe so he kept signing. Anxiety was switching from fingerspelling to signing and since Prince was new to sign it confused him a little (plus he could only see Anxiety from his side so he couldn’t see which letters were which for sure.) He was thrilled when he recognized a sign but all he could pull out was “Prince” and “crush”. He felt excited-hopeful for a minute before realizing that it was impossible for Anxiety to have a crush on him. Anxiety found him too annoying to ever crush on him. Wait, did Anxiety know he was watching from the camera? Wait, no he would be in worse condition if he thought he was being watched. Anxiety was signing with a straight face so Prince couldn’t tell how he was really feeling. Prince pretended to type on the phone and scroll but he kept watching Anxiety through the camera. “why -d-o- -I- -h-a-v-e- -t-o- feel t-h-i-s- -w-a-y-, -I-m- s-o- stupid i can’t do anything right, -w-h-y- -w-h-y- -w-h-y.” Anxiety signed. Prince understood the sign “cant,” and the letters “w-y” which he figured out was “why” after the third spelling. He was too fast and he never really understood it but he could grasp some of signs-kind of. He watched Anxiety for a few minutes trying to grab anything he could understand but he was singing so fast. He saw “I” and a sign that looked like “like” but it looked like he was throwing it away or-Wait, that meant “don’t like!” He was excited to understand more so he watched closer.

Wait did he just say he “I don’t like me?” Horror settled in his face when he realized what Anxiety had just said. “I hate myself.” His heart hurt but he continued watching. All he could grasp was “Everyone hates you,” and “don’t deserve help”

All Prince could do stare in shock. I mean, he knew that Anxiety hated people, but he never thought he hated himself. He always acted confident.

Well that was hypocritical, Prince felt the same way about himself and people always said they admired him for his confidence, although he barely had any. After a few more minutes of Anxiety’s attack, his singing slowed down and he seemed more relaxed. Hesitantly, Prince asked “is that you really think of yourself?”

Anxiety stopped signing. “W-what?” Anxiety croaked. “What you singed the whole time-is that what you really think about yourself?” Anxiety was horrified. “Wh-what” Anxiety could barely let it out. He hated talking after his panic attacks, but he was horrified. What if Prince had seen his admit his crush? Oh crap, what if Prince saw what a pathetic loser he was? Wait, what if-if he just leading him on just to break his heart?

“Whoa, slow down, Anxiety I can’t understand what you’re signing.” Prince said, standing up and moving in front of him-but not too close, just close enough to see what he was saying. Anxiety suddenly realized he was signing everything he was thinking. He grew furious but couldn’t bring himself to speak.

“Well good! You have no right to know what I’m thinking and I don’t have to tell you anything!” Anxiety was signing furiously, and poor Prince was confused.

“Anxiety-“

“No! you don’t have a right to know what I’m thinking of, you could have at least warned me you knew sign!” he kept signing. He was near tears. Crap. He was going to be so exhausted soon.

“Anxiety! Just because I know some sign doesn’t mean I know it all! Can you please slow down?” Prince was signing slowly, but he spoke too so Anx could understand him (he wasn’t looking at Prince anyways), “I noticed that you signed while having panic attacks, and sometimes I thought you were trying to tell us things so I just wanted to learn so I could help you so if you were signing for us to do something, I could help, but I couldn’t tell.”

“Did you understand the crush part?” Anxiety signed, suddenly regretting it. If Prince didn’t notice him signing crush then he would notice now. He felt scared when Prince looked unsure about something.

“I only understood the I dislike myself and Prince but I didn’t see anything about your crush, why did they do something to you?” Prince asked, lying straight through his teeth, hurt by the thought that he had a crush, and worrying that Anxiety’s crush did something to him.

“What? No I just-I-I just didn’t want you to know about my crush.” Anxiety was blushing as he signed. Prince frowned. Did he really not trust him that much?

“I’m sorry-I” Prince was interrupted when Anxiety suddenly closed his eyes and raced to his room. Prince was so confused. What?

“I didn’t know you could sign.” Logic said, Prince jumped before turning to him. “Sheesh could you be any quieter?” Prince asked sarcastically. Logan ignored his comment and said; “You know he hates surprises, right?” Logic asked.

“What?” Prince asked. “I saw you signing with Anxiety. I’m impressed that you did that, but he hates surprises. especially during his panic attacks.” Logic pointed out. Princes eyes grew wide:

“Oh crap” Prince brought his hands up to his face and sat down on the chair, groaning. How could he have forgotten about his dislike for surprises. “Its okay, Prince, at least you can understand him when he starts signing. My advice would be to offer to watch a movie with Anxiety. I don’t think he wants to be alone. Maybe not hugged, but not alone.” Prince was going to speak up but Logic had already walked away. Prince sighed then suddenly remembered something. He headed to his room and opened the door, going to his Disney section, frantically looking for a movie. He smiled once he saw the movie cover. Perfect. He headed to Anxiety’s room.

Meanwhile Anxiety was laying in his bed, trying to keep himself calm.

“I c-a-n-t- -b-e-l-i-v-e- Prince did that! why did he do that?! Okay, I need to focus on -s-o-m-e-t-h-i-n-g-, the color of the wall? Well there’s black, black, black, look at the -t-e-c-t-u-r-e- -o-f- -t-h-i-s-,- -i-s-n-’-t- -i-t- -f-r-e-a-k-i-n-g-- ugly? Yeah it is, why did I get this? Why c-a-n-t I figure out what the sign for that is. Okay but seriously Prince, how could he?! Well he was trying to be nice but why -d-i-d he have to do that! -U-g- If I had any chances of being closer to him I’ve lost it all know. Why do I always ruin everything?” Anxiety started signing with one hand, since his other was under his head. He was growing tired, he hated being this tired, but maybe this time he could get some sleep. He could hear a knock at the door. Anxiety frowned and turned to face the door.

“Hi, it-its Prince. I just wanted to apologize.”

Anxiety sighed and grabbed any energy he could and walked to the door, opening it. Ah great, Prince had something behind his back, is it a weapon?

“A-h, Prince, it was just you. I was afraid it was somebody important.” Anxiety signed. He suddenly felt hesitant and wondered if Prince understood any of what he said, remembering that he didn’t know all signs. Prince looked surprised but smiled a little.

“Oh, I think my bunny slippers just ran for cover.” Prince smiled a little as he spoke and signed bunny, slippers and showed it running away. Anx was nervous. Everything seemed normal, but Prince never came to his room or signed for that matter.

“Why are you here Prince?” Anxiety signed (with his eye brows furrowed.)

“I really am sorry that I surprised you so much. I didn’t know you didn’t like surprises. So, I though I would make it up to you by asking if you wanted to watch The Black Cauldron? I haven’t seen it for so long and thought that maybe you’d want company?”

“Didn’t you just watch it like last week?” Anxiety signed furrowing his eyebrows again. He was glad Prince didn’t understand the part that he signed about his crush; although, he was pissed that Roman knew some of what he said, he was more embarrassed, and frankly too tired to talk about it. “Yeah, but I’ve missed my darling babies!!” Prince smiled as he brought out “The Black Cauldron” DVD from behind his back, “I thought maybe you would want to watch it in your room? Or not, that’s perfectly fine, whatever you feel up to.” Prince smiled hopefully. Maybe Anxiety could see that Prince wanted to bond with him after the horrible mistake he made. Anxiety rolled his eyes but replied “come on” and signed the alphabet too fast for Princey to make out. Prince looked at him confused and tried to copy what Anxiety just did. Anxiety noticed so he sighed it slower “S-i-r- -s-i-n-g- -a- -l-o-t.”

After a couple more tries Prince understood. “Ah, thank you!” Prince said and signed, smiling walking into his room. He was surprised to see how dark and dirty the room was. There was light emitting from the window, so he could still see the room very well but the color made it look dark.

“So, do you want to watch it in here?” Prince askes suddenly feeling stupid. Anxiety probably wouldn’t have invited him into his room of he wanted to do it in the coom’s room. Anx frowned but signed;

“I’d prefer my room, I don’t like how bright it is out there,” Anxiety signed the last part by squinting his eyes as if his hand were the sun. “Wow he’s great at signing! Why is he so adorable?” Prince snapped out of his thoughts when he noticed Anxiety was waiting for him to reply, so he placed the DVD under his armpit and signed; “Where did you learn sign?” Prince signed, eye furrowed. “Internet. I was mostly learning for myself before I got interested in the culture around it. It was an intriguing read.” Anxiety signed puckering his lips at the end.

Prince had never seen Anxiety use as much expression as he was using right now. It was very cute! He wanted to keep singing with him, to see how much cuter he could be, but he could see Anxiety was tired.

“Alright I’ll plug in the movie now.” Prince signed, turning to the TV. He turned the power on and set up the DVD. He turned to face Anxiety who was curled into a ball on the edge of his king-sized bed. Prince went and sat at the edge feeling awkward. He felt something on his shoulder and turned to face Anxiety who has trying to hand him the remote.

“Here you go Pretty boy.” Anxiety signed.

“What for?” Prince asked trying not to focus on the nickname.

“I’m not pushing those buttons its hard work.” Anxiety signed, putting his head back as if he was doing a dramatic death, than did a teasing smirk at the end. Prince rolled his eyes, but grabbed the remote and tried to fast forward the screen, it didn’t work so he had to wait for Tinkerbelle to show up so he could press “skip to main menu.” It took a second but it finally worked. He went to the settings and turned the subtitles on; it actually helped Roman to read better, since he had such difficulty and he knew Anxiety liked to read instead of listen sometimes, especially if he put his headphones on.

The movie started and Prince stared at the screen, watching the scene play out. He was getting so into the movie that he almost didn’t notice Anxiety leaning towards his shoulder. He jumped a little but he was surprised to see a sleepy Anxiety with earbuds in. Prince smiled at the sleeping emo. He was adorable and looked peaceful. He couldn’t help giving him a kiss on the forehead before returning his attention to the screen aware of his crush on his shoulder.

Meanwhile in Anxiety’s dream, Prince was running with him in the woods. At first it was a teasing chase. Anxiety had stolen his favourite red stash (though why this was his favourite Anxiety would never know) and Prince was grinning, calling out to the other. Next thing he knew they were face to face with a skeleton. Anxiety frowned before realizing he recognized this villain.

It was the horned king from “The Black Cauldron.”

“’I’m sorry my love.” Prince said, Anxiety was confused before he realized the only way to kill the Cauldron King was to jump in the cauldron.

“NO! You can’t do it Prince! We don’t have the healer here! They can’t bring you back to life if you do this!” Anxiety would’ve insult him but he was too scared to even remember an old insult he had used.

“No Anxiety I have to do this.” Prince turned to him, “for you my love.” Before Anxiety could react Prince turned and jumped in the tiny cauldron.

“NO, PRINCE NO!” Anxiety reached out, but the skeletons had already grabbed him.

The horned king was smirking at him and slowly pointed at him. His armies were now surrounding him, shaking him and screeching. “Let go of me! Prince! No!”

“Anxiety!” one of the skeletons looking concerned said. Anxiety was so confused until the next second he saw Princys face. “Hey hey, its okay I’m here.” Prince said. Anxiety was sobbing and shaking, how could his boyfriend do that? You know never mind he was okay, he was okay. He just leaned forward, grabbed Prince’s face and kissed him. Prince was momentarily shocked before he leaned in. They kept kissing. It all felt so perfect and right with Prince, but he was wondering why it felt like he had never done it before.

“Wait.” Anxiety thought. Suddenly he remembered Prince was not his boyfriend, and he had been dreaming. Anxiety pulled away suddenly causing Prince to fall over a little and started signing. “Oh Prince, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean- I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry- I” Anxiety was starting to shake as he signed and kept rambling, not knowing what to say and hating himself for being such an idiot. Prince was a little hurt but the sudden stop, thinking that Anxiety hated it, but when he saw Anxiety was about to cry, he was confused. Prince snapped out of his thinking; he needed to help his prince.

“No- no its okay-I -I liked it.” Prince said, blushing. Anxiety looked at him, he was on the verge of tears.

“You did?” he signed, hands shaking. “Yeah, and I’d like to do it again if you don’t mind- and only if you want to, we don’t have to do anything you don’t want.” Prince was embarrassed and he would’ve just kissed him, but he didn’t want to make Anxiety uncomfortable if he was on the verge of crying. Anx hesitated before he leaned forward (Prince doing the same) and gently place his lips on his Prince. Lets just say things got a little handsy.

((not that handsy you dirty minded people.))

bonus scene thanks to @starrykid‘s imagination:

“Lets watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl and make out during the scary parts” Prince said to Anxiety. Anxiety raised His eyebrows. “… The scary parts… of Sharkboy and Lavagirl? Prince you are a sad strange little man and you have my pity.” he signed.

Prince was quiet for a minute. trying to decipher what he said. “Wait, did you just make a reference to toy story?!”

Anxiety smiled before he leaned in to kiss Prince.

#it gets handsy #see that how you wanna #my fic #fic #cay #sign language #Anxiety #Prince #Prinxiety #I just realized I could have made Anxiety deaf #huh #that could work #anyways #have fun #asl

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comicteaparty · 6 years ago

Text

January 31st, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party chat that occurred on January 31st, 2019, from 5PM - 7PM PST. The chat focused on Apricot Cookie(s)! by Louis Lloyd-Judson.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB START!

Good evening, everyone~! This week’s Thursday Book Club is officially beginning! Today we are discussing Apricot Cookie(s)! by Louis Lloyd-Judson~! (https://apricotcookies.net/)

Remember that Thursday discussions are completely freeform! However, every 30 minutes I will drop in OPTIONAL discussion questions in case you’d like a bit of a prompt. If you miss out on one of these prompts, you can find them pinned for the chat’s duration. Additionally, remember that while constructive criticism is allowed, our focus is fun and respectfully appreciating the comic. All that said, let’s begin!

QUESTION 1. What is your favorite scene in the comic so far and why?

Superjustinbros

Hello!

RebelVampire

hey super~!

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Hi everyone This is late into the comic, but I loved the reveal of Apricot's family -- how it was treated as normal and matter-of-fact in-universe, because for her it is, even though it's a real Wham Moment for the readers.

Superjustinbros

Glad to be here!

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

(And that's gotta be the reason why she can't transform properly, right?)(edited)

Superjustinbros

https://tapas.io/episode/1265858 This oen gave me a good chuckle

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Yeah, I love all the self-aware genre jokes.

RebelVampire

i agree with erin. my favorite scene is when we find out that apricot's secret is that shes the princess of darkness. because i did not expect the secret reveal right then, and just like the entire process as things evolved was personally comical for me. cause first her dad shows up in this weird attire, then grandma darkness, then the helmet thing, and then just more from there. like it was a bunch of puzzle pieces all falling into place. if i was a cartoon character thats when a lightbulb and exclamation point wouldve appeared over my head.

Superjustinbros

the genral humor of the comic is top notch

and how it plays with stereotypes

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Ooh, it was totally unexpected. And most people would consider this as a possible reason why she can't transform! But it's perfectly in-character for her that she never spoiled the reveal by even thinking about it.

She's such a ditz, I love her.

RebelVampire

yeah. the humor of the comic is definitely top notch. this, imo at least, is parody done right. because its walking that fine line between mocking the tropes but having them and loving them anyway.

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Definitely.

RebelVampire

i also love the reveal cause suddenly this page made more sense https://tapas.io/episode/274726

and i love that sneaky foreshadowing i didnt mark in my mind as sneaky foreshadowing

Superjustinbros

Yes^(edited)

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Ooh, nice.

RebelVampire

but yeah, i definitely think everything played out in a natural way for apricot. cause of course she denies all the things. cause her family doesnt fit into her tragic back story

which btw i love when shes talking about that and her dad is just sitting there reading the newspaper

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

A+ introduction there.

mathtans

I like how it all clicked together too. Though I think my favourite moment was on this page: https://apricotcookies.net/5/31 ... Not only a BTTF reference at the sake of fashion but also a callback to an earlier joke that I hadn't expected.

Superjustinbros

Time traveling movie references in a reference to a past joke. Genius(edited)

mathtans

Yeah, it's interesting the stuff in the background, not just that bit with her dad, but her sister in the background of one shot, and I was like, hmmmm wait? Then it all gets explained.

Missed the "An" bit though.

RebelVampire

yes. i love that this joke made a comeback. like this is the sort of attention to detail i love and that i think really makes the comic's humor top notch.

mathtans

Speaking of which, I will say, not impressed by the fart humour. I feel like it's (comic's) too clever to need to reach for the bottom shelf there. It's the one thing I shake my head over.(edited)

But that's me.

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Nah, it's me too.

Superjustinbros

Fart humor in 2018/19?

mathtans

Back to the amusing, the line about her being "16 but 18 outside of Japan". OMG.

RebelVampire

that was way too topical and i loved that line

cause its so true

Superjustinbros

Indeed

mathtans

I was thinking about it again when she was in England. Like... hm?

RebelVampire

especially now with more companies cracking down

and suddenly all these 18 year old high school girls

mathtans

Yis. eyeroll

Superjustinbros

eyerolls

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

That's a good example of a joke that's clever and genre-savvy, it just happens to refer to something that's bad news IRL. In contrast to the "it's gross, that automatically makes it funny" bits.

mathtans

Yeah, there's lots of clever genre stuff.

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

A little more seriously...I really liked Starlit Pony's whole arc. It's irreverent and wacky but there's actually something sincere underneath.

mathtans

Sorry, which? Abysmal with names.

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

The trans one!

mathtans

Ah! I suspected but wasn't sure. I'm still not entirely sure how I feel about that one, like I almost wish it had gone deeper. I wasn't sure if the dad was being sarcastic with the "son" comments near the start or not. But I agree there was some good consideration there.

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

She's a great counter-example for the kind of people who say "what, you don't want us to make fun of crossdressing-boy characters?? How will we be funny now? You obviously just hate jokes!"

Like, no, you can be funny and respect trans people. Here's proof.

Superjustinbros

RebelVampire

i really liked they involved the trainers aspect more in that arc. because i also love the boys all card duel just as much as i love the girls are all magical girls.

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

And her dad refers to her as his daughter eventually -- it's a happy conclusion, that he comes around to accepting her gender.

mathtans

Yup, smashing stereotypes through use of stereotypes. Or something.

Erin: Yes, but I wasn't sure if she was actually a girl who liked cards, or a boy who liked magic. Like, the way it was presented felt ambiguous, even through the dad's comments, until later.

Of course, I'm also sleep deprived.

Gawd I hate January.

Superjustinbros

As someone that dislikes stereotypes anything that's used to bash/take shots at them is welcome by me

I know that feel

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Well, she's a girl who likes magic. But she has the card-based powers because apparently those are divided by biology, not gender identity.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 2. One of the main aspects of the comic is to parody manga and anime in a comedic manner. Of all the parodies so far, which one do you think is the most accurate? What about its execution in the comic do you think makes it work as a parody? Additionally, which of the parodies did you find the funniest? Outside of the writing, there are also plenty of visual gags. Visually speaking, which moment stood out to you as particularly comedic? Lastly, what do you personally feel the underlying commentary is saying about manga and anime? Has any parody in the comic made you think about manga or anime in a new light?

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

It's really funny that there's this whole card-game-based conflict going on in the same world, in the background to the magical-power-based conflict.

Like, that's how the industry as a whole feels sometimes -- though obviously it's not along such a rigid divide (much as marketing companies wish it was).

mathtans

The visit to the Convention was rather amusing. There's these times when the creator pokes fun at themselves, visually or otherwise. (eg "No one does these things in full colour").

Superjustinbros

lol

Yeah, doujinshi are rarely drawn in full color

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Yeah, that was good. I love that even the in-between pages have that kind of self-referential gag. "This is best read out loud, in a crowded place, such as on a train."

mathtans

I had feels for the artist when Apricot critiqued. Though Apricot also seems to appreciate things that are "hard to draw".

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

mathtans

Yeah, the explanation pages are clever. I like how it's actually a different character and bird each time.

I still remember when they were looking at that post with all the wires too.

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Usually "that looks hard to draw" is a cartoonist's lampshading of the fact that they're fudging their way out of drawing something. Here, nope, we get to see the whole thing.

Superjustinbros

This^

RebelVampire

i love thatd moment where they took a moment to look at the electrical telephone pole

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

("They", I say, as if I'm not included in this group, heh.)

RebelVampire

for the hard to draw thing

A+ joke

mathtans

I liked the dark lord muttering about having to watch teenage girls too. With the globe he got and everything. He probably would prefer Anzu to be doing it as part of her training.

Actually, his intros are hilarious.

I'm not sure what it parodies, but it works.

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

He seems like a riff on the standard Video Game Final Boss to me.

RebelVampire

i think my favorite parody of them all is the one where apricot actually does wake up late and then takes the time to go get bread, and etc. etc. cause its just so drawn out in how long it takes. but its true, you cant go late to anime school without toast in your mouth.

Superjustinbros

lol yes

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

...realizing now that I don't actually have much personal experience with Video Game Final Bosses, I'm basing this impression mostly on how they get parodied in other webcomics. Like RPG World, or Adventurers.

mathtans

Heh. That was clever (the toast). I felt like it went on a bit long was the only thing. (Also, in the background, 11-11. Subtle.)(edited)

The language thing (are we speaking Japanese or English) felt like it went on a bit long too. I think it only stands out because usually the pacing feels very good.

I don't play the Video Games, I only watch Let'S Plays.

RebelVampire

i also loved the translation bit. it did go on for a bit, yet i think what sold me on it was the OK that was supposed to be english was actually changed to the correct universal font for trying to show things in english

mathtans

I did notice that. Another clever detail.

RebelVampire

he seems most assuredly a riff on video game final bosses, especially considering everyone mistook him for sephiroth at the convention

Superjustinbros

lol

mathtans

Do not challenge him. He will summon your parents.

Superjustinbros

that would be amazing

RebelVampire

one of my fave visual gags is probably this page https://tapas.io/episode/483838

mathtans

The navigation is also really clever (on the main site). My first time there, I just clicked right arrow. It brought me to the first page again, and I had to actually read what was going on.

RebelVampire

where shes telling jacques shes surely pretty under that helmet

but nope

Superjustinbros

those eyes tho o_o

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

And the "sorry if you were looking for recipes" in the header cracks me up.

mathtans

Jacques is creepy. Another nice detail with the missing a leg in human form, but like, wtf with birds.

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

I'm so glad she put the helmet back on

RebelVampire

yes i really loved that detail in the header

mathtans

Header's good too, yup.

RebelVampire

but makes me wonder how many ppl have gotten to this site wanting apricot cookie recipes XD

mathtans

I like how "Anzu" means "Apricot". Though it just adds more language confusion.

RebelVampire

oh lol, i didnt know that. never crossed my mind to translate her name XD

mathtans

I suspected, so I went to a translation program.

Superjustinbros

god bless translations

RebelVampire

smart. thats a great detail then

https://apricotcookies.net/5/21

i enjoy the last panel

about the adaptions

especially cause the hollywood one would be terrible

too accurate

but i also appreciate the art style switch in the next page

cause that takes some skill

Superjustinbros

yes

RebelVampire

and i love the filters kind of effect on it that references the kind of shit quality 90s anime had

mathtans

I'm bad for noticing art stuff at times.

Interesting how she started blonde though.

RebelVampire

i assume the blond is their natural color, and their hair only becomes black when infused with dark power

so ya know

typical anime stuff

QUESTION 3. The comic features a slew of colorful characters with even more colorful personalities. Which character at the moment is your favorite and why? Further, of the comedic moments related to them, which one do you think was the best? What sort of scenarios are you hoping to see this character in in the future? Finally, what do you think their relationship with our protagonist Apricot adds to the story? Speaking of relationship dynamics with Apricot, how do you feel like those dynamics in general might change between all the characters as the story continues? Overall, what typical manga scenarios are you hoping to see addressed in the comic, and which character are you hoping to see participate in them?

mathtans

It amusing that Apricot wants her parents to be dead in her backstory, but her real story is kind of messed up too.

Superjustinbros

Design wise, Meal Deal and Moonlight Spritzer.

mathtans

Cream ftw. For definite.

Can't beat teleporting and quipping like Spiderman.

I'm bad for noticing designs too.

Superjustinbros

Especially with a name like Cream

RebelVampire

im really sad there wont be more moonlight spritzer cause shes now an office lady

Superjustinbros

r.i.p.

mathtans

... ... I had always pictured it as "cream and sugar" until you said that ...

I was amused by "that doesn't count". I'm not a motorcycle fan though. ^.^

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

I was thinking whipped cream. To go with the other desserts.

mathtans

I guess I was automatically onto the tea or coffee mindset.

Wait, butter's a dessert?

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Butter cookies are?

They're not all desserts, just several of them.

mathtans

Did not even pick up on that. Point.

Superjustinbros

mmm, butter

mathtans

Speaking of, Apricot's interest in Butter, like trying not to look at her transforming or how she reacted to the idea it was just the two of them at a sleepover... that amused me. Because of the yuri implications. ^.^

Though I guess Apricot's turned out to be... pansexual?

RebelVampire

they at least all have a food theme i think.

mathtans

Not sure if that's the right term.

RebelVampire

i assume apricot is just into whatever although i doubt were gonna get any actual ships going on alas.

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Bisexual or pansexual would both work. Unless she uses a specific word in-universe...and AFAIK there aren't separate words in Japanese.

She just says she's into "men and women...and trains."

mathtans

Bisexual implies male or female to me though, versus the trains thing. ^^

RebelVampire

apricot x trains otp

mathtans

apricot x ships?

Superjustinbros

apricots on ships sounds liek the name to a song

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Eh, there are straight and gay people who talk about weird xeno attractions too.

💩 💩 💩 YY 💩 💩 💩

Geh. 9A9 I'm late! jumps in anyway

I like the Apricot x Butter ship. XDDD

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

So many anime with trains/planes/boats/etc personified as sexy moe girls...

Superjustinbros

💩 💩 💩 YY 💩 💩 💩

Much agreed with Erin. ; v ;

RebelVampire

i wonder if jacques plays hatoful boyfriend

mathtans

Erin: ... Point. I hadn't even gone there yet. O.o

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

It would be some epic planning if the endgame ships turned out to be foreshadowed by "they're named after foods that go together well."

💩 💩 💩 YY 💩 💩 💩

I've had Apricot Butter before... 8L

mathtans

Well, the girls seem to go for harem-style guys (aside from Butter).

💩 💩 💩 YY 💩 💩 💩

I do have to say, I didn't expect Butter to be called Butter because she's got a blue scheme going.

Superjustinbros

In before there's a yellow-themed girl called blueberry

mathtans

I wonder why Butter sleeps underwater.

RebelVampire

yeah butter's mostly blueness really stood out to me. but maybe reflective that you dont want too much butter

Superjustinbros

Yeah, lol

RebelVampire

cause you put too much butter on something and it tastes icky

mathtans

I can't believe it's not Butter.

Superjustinbros

Too much butter on something is kinda gross tbh

I can't believe I missed that reference/joke Math just said

RebelVampire

the character i really want to see more of is jammy smasher the head bully. cause she and apricot need to have that arc where they become the true best friends who still constantly bicker but are on the same team and all those shenanigans. cause im really interested to see what punches the comic throws at all those tropes

mathtans

Just gotta put Butter on Apricot.

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

I'd be into this Jammy Smasher arc.

mathtans

I could see that, Rebel, though it might get subverted.

ShaRose49

I only read some of the beginning so far but I wanted to say all it’s breaking of the fourth wall was great. I liked the lord of darkness guy the best or whatever his name was

mathtans

I'm still on about Cream. She knows more about Apricot's family now, could be relevant later.

Superjustinbros

always love me some good fourth wall destruction

ShaRose49

@Superjustinbros sometimes it needs to be broken

💩 💩 💩 YY 💩 💩 💩

I actually got a bit confused when I started out reading because I thought Lord of Darkness would be the main character. XDDD

RebelVampire

he can be the main character in your heart

💩 💩 💩 YY 💩 💩 💩

True, true. ;v;

RebelVampire

and im sure hed be the type to tell you everyone is the main character of their own life story

mathtans

Dude can't even figure out slide shows, let alone the internet. (Though I guess now we see where some of Apricot's incompetence comes from.)

RebelVampire

and his mom did say his love story with his wife would be like a 10 year manga so he can be the protag of that

and 100% its gonna get subverted cause this is a parody comic. no way theyll play it straight. i half expect apricot to turn to jammy in the climatic bond moment where they admit they arent so bad and apricot just goes "just kidding youre a bitch"

Superjustinbros

well stories aren't limited to just one main

💩 💩 💩 YY 💩 💩 💩

That too~~. XD

Superjustinbros

Sometimes you get a side character or two that has such a large impact on the story that they become a major fofure

RebelVampire

i really did like the opening introduction though where the lord of darkness treats it like a business meeting and such.

although

who exactly are we in this context. like what if this isnt just a fourth wall break, but were just first person cameraing a character

💩 💩 💩 YY 💩 💩 💩

I actually felt like I was being thrown back into the days when I was in Uni. XDDDD

Like, Lord of Darkness felt like a professor and his powerpoint struggles... ; v ;(edited)

RebelVampire

i enjoyed that he called tech support XD just wasting more of the time. and i enjoy that panel where hes crying about the wasted hours he spent on a powerpoint that doesnt even work

💩 💩 💩 YY 💩 💩 💩

RIP oh great Lord of Darkness. XDDD

RebelVampire

QUESTION 4. Apricot’s one true dream in the story is to become a magical girl. Do you think that Apricot will achieve her dream eventually and learn to transform? If so, what measures do you think she might have to take to ultimately achieve this dream? How might this affect Apricot’s relationship with her family? Alternatively, will she eventually come to accept her role as the Princess of Darkness? Regardless of which event occurs, how do you think Apricot’s friends/school mates would react to finding out who her parents are? Do you think they’ll find out or will it stay a secret forever? Finally, what shenanigans do you think Apricot will get up to in general throughout the story?

💩 💩 💩 YY 💩 💩 💩

I havent' read that far, but I think Apricot will become a magical girl at some point.

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

I think she's gonna get a Devil Homura type of magical-girl form. And it'll be epic.

Superjustinbros

Yes

mathtans

(Back - little one's entered a fussier time of the evening.)

RebelVampire

that would be awesome if her form just winds up being pretty evil looking. as long as all the others comment loudly about it. like "Wow who would expect the ditz girl to have a form like this." "Isn't this form a little evil looking?" and apricot just has to flail assuring them nah its fine, perfectly normal

mathtans

The others are all aware of a great power when Apricot tries to transform. Thing is, didn't someone say at some point that Princesses couldn't transform? I think she'd need to renounce her throne for it to work. Which she might do, but then regret.

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

I thought it was "only the Princess can transform without relying on her bird companion."

mathtans

I'm torn between thinking her form would show off too much, or like practically cover her entirely like a snowsuit. (There's few in betweens with her.)

Erin: Oh, that might have been it, good call.

Maybe that's the important thing the bird had wanted to tell her, the power's in you, I'm only holding you back.

RebelVampire

it was specifically the princess of light though. who can transform without a bird companion. and her sister is the princess of light and i assume its a there can only be one thing.

Superjustinbros

Hmm

Is that so?

RebelVampire

although idk what would happen if the parents decided to have a third child

very convenient they stopped after two

mathtans

Princess of darkness might have similar restrictions.

What if it was a boy? Would darkness have a deck of cards?

Superjustinbros

What about the princess of in-between?

RebelVampire

yes i support this if the third child is a boy. a boy who is destined for a magical cube that contains the soul of an egyptian pharoah. and that even as a baby he becomes the best dueller in japan.

and you cant have a princess of in-between. theres only light and darkness. this isnt real life where all the things are actually gray and cant be fit into two boxes O_O

Superjustinbros

Are you sure about that

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

I get the impression there could be multiple light/dark Princesses within the family -- it's just that this kind of power can't manifest outside the family.

Superjustinbros

Aah ok

RebelVampire

definitely can agree it cant manifest outside the family.

i def cant wait to see the fallout when others find out apricot's secret. not that i expect huge amounts of drama

but no way they wont react

i could actually see them encouraging apricot to accept her role

cause once her dad retires what are they supposed to fight if theres no ruler of the darkness

director of darkness

cause suddenly remembered the appropriate title

Superjustinbros

Director of Darkness sounds badass

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Maybe at some point they'll meet a girl who hates being a frilly magical girl and longs for a dark evil powerset. (With parallels/foreshadowing in how Starlit was born with the deck-of-cards powerset but wanted the frilly powerset.) And then she and Apricot can engineer a swap somehow.

Superjustinbros

Lol

Well not every girl wants to be some sweet and dainty rightly colored girl that's for sure

RebelVampire

this does seem like a potential arc, but more like the kind thatll blow up in their faces and not work out. XD

mathtans

(Back again.)

RebelVampire

i really hope chapter 7 is about cream though. cause as i think math mentioned earlier, i want to see cream deal with being the only one who knows at the very least that almond and apricot are sisters

mathtans

Maybe the family decides to adopt.

I just want more Cream! ^.^

Superjustinbros

*ads more cream to Math's dessert

mathtans

I wonder, if students transfer to Japan, do they get wrapped up in this stuff? Because there aren't magical girls in the UK, as Cream indicated.

RebelVampire

i think cream is evidence that yes

Superjustinbros

What about in the US?

RebelVampire

yes they do

it is destiny

the comic hasnt said anything about the US

mathtans

So what if they move away? Powers are sealed?

(Reminds me, they're able to toe the line rather neatly, what with tentacles and rope tricks, without crossing over.)

RebelVampire

thats basically what is implied. that they dont get to use their powers anymore. since cream was barely there a few mins before the visa kicked in

i was looking at earlier pages

https://apricotcookies.net/1/8

i wanna know who the figure is that got her own panel

cause that is the chara who shouldve been butter if we go by color scheme XD

mathtans

Oh yeah, the figurine. I'd forgotten about that.

Also, sleeping in hair ties for branding. Hah.

Superjustinbros

If only we had known

mathtans

(Was it Cream who said "in the name of the spoon?"... I forget but it sounds like something she'd say.)

Maybe the figurine is Mom when she was younger.

Superjustinbros

Anyways since the tea party's ending I'd like to wish Louis luck on continuing the comic, this is a great read so far and I'l looking forward to what happens next

mathtans

One last wondering, is Apricot's last name "Cookie"? Or is that a web cookie pun? Because her real last name is "Hikari", right?

Superjustinbros

Lol, that'd be one hell of a last name

RebelVampire

i assume its apricot's pre-chosen magical girl name

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

Same.

RebelVampire

considering her first name is anzu

not apricot

Superjustinbros

Fair enough

ErinPtah (Leif & Thorn | BICP)

But anzu means apricot, yes? So that's just a translation thing.

RebelVampire

yeah but still her actual first name. i dont think its necessarily just a translation joke

mathtans

I suppose. I wondered about translations.

Superjustinbros

Anyways cya (edited)

mathtans

Anyway, final remark is the recipe if people hadn't spotted it yet. With 3D printing. Well done. https://apricotcookies.net/specials/2

All very clever.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- THURSDAY BOOK CLUB END!

Sadly, this wraps up this week’s Thursday Book Club chat for now. Thank you so much to everyone for reading and joining us! We want to give a special thank you to Louis Lloyd-Judson, as well, for making Apricot Cookie(s)!. If you liked the comic, make sure to support Louis Lloyd-Judson’s efforts however you’re able to~!

Read and Comment: https://apricotcookies.net/

Louis’ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/Louistrations

Louis’ Ko-Fi: https://ko-fi.com/louistrations

Louis’ Twitter: https://twitter.com/Louistrations

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #book club #bookclub #webcomic book club #webcomic bookclub #comic tea party #ctp #apricot cookies #apricot cookie(s)!#louis lloyd-judson

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iamgee27 · 7 years ago

Text

The trials and tribulations of the toy industry

I have been in business for almost thirty years but I can honestly say that the toy industry is the most exciting and challenging of all the others. With annual worldwide sales in the billions you can imagine the fierce competition and commitment involved to get a new product into the market.

In the beginning I had no idea how difficult this task would be but quickly learnt early on that it would prove to be a huge challenge and that strategy, bravery, humor and passion were required to have any chance of success. Having a great product does not guarantee success but it does help to get you started. We had Nutty Putty. You know, the putty that’s non-messy, non- drying and every creation transforms to rubber if baked.

Anyway more on Nutty Putty another time.

Our grand launch would be at the Spring Fair in Birmingham but we didn’t even have the packaging finalized and we panicked. It was a mad rush and a mistake because when this happens there is always a higher risk of making fundamental errors. We packed our cars with everything we could think of and made our merry way up to the NEC and set up our stand with far too much stock to open our own toy shop.I guess it was all the excitement but my poor back disagreed. I remember the opening day well. We went through our list. Order book pens calculator business cards creations and chocolates. The voice over the tanoy system interrupted. “ The 2015 Spring Fair is now open.” I looked at my business partner ( Eliana ) and we knew this was it. The anticipation the panic and the thought of those thousands of pounds we had spent had come to this. The moment of truth and the adrenaline kicked in.

Standing there watching buyers go by your stand while trying your hardest to read those little ID cards dangling from their neck. Wondering if you misread. Was it Tesco or Tes & Co was it Toys R Us or Toys and Us? Did we miss an opportunity? Should I run around the opposite way and start shouting “ This Nutty Putty is amazing” or should I catch up with them and just do my Dean Martin impression out of pure panic. I’m happy to say these thoughts quickly passed and we ultimately had a good show.

I wont bore you with all the details but thankfully the launch was a success. We had taken enough orders to justify the cost of the exhibition and to give us the encouragement that we did indeed have a fantastic product.

Deliveries went out and social media was updated every day with creations, news and demo dates. This was and still is a vital part of our business. The public are curious, they need to know, they want to be the first to see something and comment but most important of all they want to have a sense of belonging to a brand.

Success with the smaller independent stores was easier because most were accessible by email or phone and therefore a good business relationship quickly formed. Our target now was to go for the larger companies whilst of course still taking care of our existing retailers. Easier said than done. The first hurdle you face is how to get the buyers name, their email address and contact number. Heaven forbid if you could call reception and ask. I think it is easier to get in touch with the queen than to get hold of the senior buyer of a company. How many times have I been told? “ I’m sorry sir I cant give you their details but please send an email to info@....” So you dig deeper, you Google, you look through LinkedIn, you ask colleagues friends, family or even random people in coffee shops in the hope someone knows someone or if you are duped to regularly advertise in the trade magazines they may even name drop every so often to entice you to pay for next months advert. Before I move on I have to say that I consciously make a great effort now to respond to every email and message. This is because I find it extremely aggravating when someone doesn’t respond.

I remember getting the contact details of my first senior buyer. It actually felt that I had five of the six numbers in the lottery and was waiting for that last number to drop so I sent her an email. Every hour thereafter I was checking my inbox but no reply. Maybe she was sitting down holding a meeting to discuss this great product. That had to be the reason! I woke up the next day and nothing again. Two weeks went but no reply so I decided to send a sample box along with a lovely creation made out of Nutty Putty. I chained up our resident artist until she came up with something special and wrapped it up with all my love as if it was a wedding gift. I hurriedly rushed to the post office and you guessed it, I paid extra for first class and recorded delivery. I was so excited. Our product was going to land on her desk and she was going to open it, see the creation and say “Arghh how sweet” then see the Nutty Putty box set, stand up and shout ” Eureka “ and call me to place a million pound order.

Obviously that didn’t quite happen I had no luck but the key here is to never give up. I had decided I would do whatever I could (within reason) to get a response whilst also having to accept that it may be a no. In order for me to do this I had to put my highly sensitive side on hold. All I wanted was a fair opportunity otherwise I would forever feel that I didn’t try hard enough.I took a chance. I researched the CEO of the company and followed my gut feeling. Now I know what you’re thinking. This guy is crazy but its not like that. I found out that this particular CEO loved crafts and that we had a mutual connection who happened to be a dear friend. I asked my friend if she could write a letter to introduce me, which she kindly did, and at the same time I also sent the CEO a box of Nutty Putty. I suddenly had a minor panic attack. What if the senior buyer contacts me and is angry that I went against protocol but I quickly waved this to one side because I felt justified. The normal route had not worked and left me somewhere between the deleted or trash folder on her computer. Two days later I got a phone call. It was the senior buyer and the convo went something like this. “ Hello George my CEO gave me the box set you sent her. You are not going to give up are you? Its a good thing I like your product and I think we need to arrange a meeting. When can you come down? “ OMG, my heart started beating faster and faster. From my excitement I almost said now but a little voice in my head said, “Compose yourself George”. I checked my diary and gave her possible days and agreed to see her a week later. I immediately called my business partner. Elated we drove to one of their stores with a box set, skipped in and placed it on their shelf visualizing the whole range and feeling all smug. I think we actually went overboard and celebrated with weak cappuccino and an oatmeal biscuit. Honestly there’s never a dull moment in our company. A month later we got our first orders from them and are now selling it in all their stores. Obviously I am not suggesting that you all bombard the CEO’s with your products all I am saying is that you should research every possible angle to get a buyer to give you a fair chance and to genuinely review your product.

Prepare for all outcomes because sometimes people can be rude. One day I was searching through the net and came across the details of the owner/buyer to a well-known toy company. Brilliant I thought and sent an email but had the usual no response so I called his phone number. I was met with so much verbal abuse that if I were face to face with him he would have been knocked out after the second syllable. How dare I call him and where the hell did I get his number blah blah blah but being in business I swallowed the abuse and apologized even though I did nothing wrong because at the back of my mind I thought one day my product will be on your shelves and that’s enough payback. It’s been three years and I think time to contact him again. ;)

To be continued'

#bussiness #my work #funny #adayinmylife

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