#i have nothing to say about swansea tho

[dragggd]

Okay so Wrong Organ posted the first part of their Q&A and I want to highlight some of my favorite parts from it.

Daisuke was truly just a kid who wanted to make his parents proud, the guy didn't even wanna be on that ship. He didn't get a chance to find meaning in his life. I want to ******************

We already kinda knew Anya wasn't the best nurse (even with Jimmy's twisted perspective) because her office is littered with beginner books for first aid, but the fact that she tried getting into medical school EIGHT TIMES is heartbreaking. She basically kept Curly alive for like 5 months after the crash completely burned his skin off and left him limbless, she tried her damn best and even that wasn't enough.

Also Curly is British </3 but y'know we lose some I guess.

how much do you wanna bet curly is the type of guy who thinks every pokémon is pikachu

[dykedvonte]

Curly had two days to act and Swansea had two months.

I think it’s just interesting that every defense of Swansea not immediately acting are the same ones that are argued against for Curly. “He didn’t want to alert Daisuke or makes things worse for Anya either Jimmy!” I mean people also assume that about Curly and the crew. “He has to think about his plan of action and a right moment!” Again so did Curly, power and authority aside, he still would have to think of what he had to do. “He makes sure he doesn’t have to be around Jimmy!” So did Curly and they only do this to an extent, both give Jimmy more than a few opening to keep harassing Anya.

This isn’t defense of Curly nor a damnation of Swansea. Their actions are very parallel to each others in tragic and sour ways when it comes to how they approached helping Anya. In the grand scheme of it all they both did the same thing: Nothing. No action either took stopped the inevitable outcome of her death nor Jimmy’s continued damage to themself.

The only real difference is Swansea didn’t like Jimmy which is pretty substantial, but also just as damning as Curly knowing how bad Jimmy could get to an extent. He had even less of a reason to wait, even more of a reason to act seeing as he was now worried for Anya AND Daisuke. He is not bound by the possible procedure as Captain and actively does not care about what happens next. So what does it matter if he acted in the moment? Why did he wait? I think he’s just as morally complex and grey as Curly and we hold him on a pedestal that still perpetuates things in rape culture the game critiques.

It’s not just enough to dislike and be abrasive to predators/abusers like Jimmy. It’s not enough to just put yourself between them and the other person. It’s not enough to hold tensions when you know someone is vulnerable. He and Curly do the exact same things but on different sides of the coin. I ask how is it better to not turn a blind eye but still not really do anything about what you are seeing? Not until it affects you atleast…

The game makes a big point to not put men doing the bare minimum or who wait to do more on pedestals and I’m actually surprised so many are missing that point.

[catfishofoldin99colours]

it's SO interesting seeing how different people react to the story of mouthwashing and how it unfolds, particularly the element of playing as curly and Jimmy

Having seen both gab smolders and jacksepticeye play it now, it's interesting seeing how differently they react to it all

Gab reacts to it similar to how she reacts to most pov horror games she plays, in that she takes the story in stride and the actions of the characters are accepted and interpreted through a lens of understanding that this is a horror story, and everyone is the worst version of themselves. What surprises her the most is just *how* intense the themes and suffering gets, such as the cannabalism and sheer vitriol Jimmy says to curly, but she's not surprised that Jimmy is awful at all. Even him being the main pov character for majority of the game play doesn't necessarily make any reveals about him (he got Anya pregnant, he was the one who crashed the ship) into a lesser being in her head, she's more intrigued by what they reveal about the story. That's not to say she thinks he's great at all, but any information doesn't take him down from a pedestal in her head because she never had one on him in the first place.

Given she loves horror stories and horror games and frequently talks about the horror books she reads, this makes sense. She's primed to come to a horror story knowing it's a tragedy and no one is good and accepts that immediately.

Jack, on the other hand, interprets the lenses of Jimmy as the inherent main character, and he is, but jack takes it as, 'he is the victim the story is happening to' rather than 'he is as much complacent and active in the horrors going on as the story wants to make him experience.' he gives Jimmy a normal voice when reading out his dialogue, and everyone else gets some kind of voice acting - a deviation from the norm, which is immediately Jimmy in his eyes. Even curly gets a rough scratchy voice and through that until jack sees his face, it can inferred jack sees him as the grizzled old man that Jimmy arguably is instead of curly (tho in the wake of most people seeing curly as nothing but a victim and incapable of causing any harm when he very much did, this is kind of refreshing to me).

It's only when Swansea is dead and Jimmy is REALLY descending into madness, that jack considers the idea that Jimmy may be the bad guy, and that in turn, he has been perpetuating many actions that have led to the horrible situation getting worse.

Interestingly, the puzzle - gab, who up until that point has been thoroughly horrified by everything that does happen and how graphic the game has been, seems to find a sort of dissociative comfort in making the pipes line up so curly can digest his own leg. Meanwhile jack cannot stop focusing on the horror of making curly digest his own leg to the point that he takes a while to figure out how the puzzle works to complete it, and eventually settles into a very uncomfortable silence as he makes it work.

It's two really interesting ways that this game has been interpreted and I kinda fucking love thinking about it.

[micro-meltdown]

Daisuke!!! Yippee!!!

Nothing bad ever happened to that boy TRUST

I have. A lot of thoughts about him.

I really dig the father-son dynamic between Swansea and Dai. That's a given. I also like to think him and Anya act like "siblings," which is cute and endearing. The relationship with Curly seems positive to me too, a healthy authority... But that's not what I want to talk about.

My thoughts always circle back to Jimmy.

In the wiki, it says that they're relationship is very negative, and even tho I do agree in some way, I don't believe it's entirely true.

The obvious: Jimmy looks down and manipulates him. It's blatantly obvious in the way he talks Dai into going into the vent. The way Jimmy gaslights him about drugging Swansea. He makes it clear that he thinks Daisuke is a rich, spoiled kid who had no business being in the ship. Useless.

But I think there's something... else.

Daisuke tries to be friendly and upbeat with everyone, and that's just how his personality is. But I have the feeling, from the way the game presents, he trusted Jimmy.

He didn't sleep next to Swansea, nor Anya. He felt comfortable and safe enough to sleep right next to Jimmy.

When Anya locked herself in, he didn't run to Swansea. He came running to Jimmy.

As horrible as that man is, you can't convince me he didn't feel some type of positive way for Dai. I think he felt the slightest hint of fondness the longer they survived. He didn't give a single shit about Anyas death because Curly was still alive. But he Freaked Out over Daisukes death.

We can't see his expression, but the way I read it he was Mortified. The burden of Dais death made him snap, pushing him further down the spiral. The first thing Jimmy did is grab the gun to kill Swansea for what he did. Some may say that Jimmy did it out of a selfish need for survival, but a part of me feels he was fueled with revenge.

I think there's Some significance that he sat Daisukes corpse closest to him. Swansea and Anya furthest.

"Daisuke would have hated him if he knew"

I see the point, but I dont agree. Daisuke would have been disgusted, horrified. He would have never condoned Jimmy's action. He would have clowned on him, defended Anya and Curly.

But Daisuke is a good kid who sees the good in everyone. He's not innocent nor pure, but he has naive faith. You can't tell me if Jimmy actually did work to change, and had something to show for it, Daisuke wouldn't have believed in him.

Maybe he would have hated him, but more likely, Daisuke would have had forgiveness in his heart.

And I think that makes everything so much more tragic. I think it would destroy Jimmy more than being hated. He can deal with hatred. It makes it easier to cope and accept.

Anyway I'm working on an afterlife au where I explore all those things yippee

Those are all my opinions and personal headcanons, yall can disagree but I won't accept criticism <3

[fangs-claws-paws]

Alright, enjoyed mouthwashing the game and will now say my deranged thing. I will be putting it under spoilers tho, both for content and spoilers.

I need to get crispy curly pregnant. So far what I have idea wise is an AU. Which hinges on Curly being a Trans guy.

Curly get raped by Jimmy sometime close to the point Jimmy crashes the ship. Despite this Curly still doesn't do much, he still wants to believe that Jimmy's actions don't make him a monster, that he can move past this and be a better person. By the time Curly is aware he's probably pregnant, Jimmy crashes the ship.

So then it continues along the story beats, but there's things just off about Curly that Jimmy barely notices and Anya is aware of, but she doesn't have a lot of info to go on, especially with Jimmy 'helping' with Curly's pain meds. However it breaks off once Anya pieces together Curly's also pregnant, and the only person who could have done it was Jimmy. At this point Anya steals the code scanner from Jimmy to get the code for the gun box. She then lures Jimmy back towards medical under the guise of asking him to medicate Curly, and shoots him dead.

There's some surprise, but Swansea's more than glad to see the rat dead, and Daisuke understands after some explaining.

Anya manages to abort her baby, and she wants to help Curly abort his, but there's problems. Big one is they just don't have the medical supplies to do his, on top of there's serious risk he could go into shock and die should one thing go wrong. Not that him carrying to term is safe either, considering he'll have to have a cesarean as the burns have left his body completely fucked. But until rescue comes, it's the safest option for Curly's condition.

Most of the chapters after would be detailing Curly's pregnancy progressing, along with the difficulties that he's facing because of how fucked his body is. It'd also be a lot of Anya talking to Curly, both her trying to help him as well as her talking over the events the last couple months and how that affected her that he didn't do anything to stop or discipline Jimmy. Cause there's now for her the fact that on one hand Curly faced the same horrid act and the aftermath, but also he knew Jimmy was capable of this and still did nothing. We also get Curly feeling both guilt for what he excused from Jimmy cause he thought his friend could become better, but also cause he knows he's a burden due to his pregnancy and injuries.

They would get rescued at the end, but wouldn't be able to say how tbh.

[michaels-office-hours]

I was very tired so I just stockpiled the links if you couldn't tell.

Poor Anya. Sooooo understandable tho good gosh man do something *poke witha stick meme*

Daisuke draws anime all is right in the world. Shut up Swansea.

I- I dont have comment on this one. It's just. I love it. ToT

Like old man? Like party boy

Here's the gang! (Your art style is like fine expensive chocolate. I love it)

This is so cute. I love this

I- WHAT dude. This is amazing. I both hate and love it. (I know nothing about that either, you're good)

Hello. I love your art. Can I eat it pls? Like that one 8 year old with the famous dude? That'd make me happy.

The sunshine man

SHES SO PRETTY WHEN SHES HAPPY AAAAAAAA

This is genuinely one of my favorite headcanons. I love this kinda thing.

Swansea? Give the kid a break. He's trying.

I keep staring at this one because it makes me chuckle uncontrollably. Oh yeah. Jimmy jump scare btw

Another one of my favorite things ever

They are smol. Very good

He'd make a good pillow. That all I'm saying.

(My wife likes this kinda man hehe. Yes she's simping bad. She wants you to know tho? It's cause I'm one too.)

THE CREWWWWW (your style is one of those strawberry candies with the cream in the middle/very pos)

Gimme a sec... I need to wipe my eye... OK imma sit down for a sec. Just so proud. I- no I'm happy it's jsut-

THE GIIIRRRRRL you art is so swoopy of my word I love it

GO ANYA GO ANYA GO ANYA git his face Swansea. (Yeah I saw this reference on YouTube xD)

ONE OF MY FAV ARTISTS DREW THE CREW THIS IS NOT A DRILLLLLL

HERRRRRES JIMMYYYY I love the composition in thissss

Dkakwvroabw I love this so much xD

MORE PIRATES!!!

ACCURATE!!!!!

Oo0 amogus

Please let this be canon Jimmy lore. Let him be scared of every animal actually.

Keep thinking that man. It's what my parents think.

Daisuke... wipe the ketchup off you face... you're fine... cmon.... ToT

Bro... how about not?

I got jumpscared by this one/gen/pos

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Sunday 6 January 1833

8

11 ¼

fine morning hard frost F39 ½° at 8 just before lighting my fire – breakfast at 9 5 in an hour with my father and Marian soon came – at my desk at 10 10 - wrote 2 ½ pages to Dr Belcombe – really know not what to write or should have written sooner - ‘I never exactly understood before what nervousness meant and God grant that I may know no more of it in any case which concerns me much! nothing could be more judicious than your letter to Mr Sunderland’ – he a great friend of Dr Paley’s – paid not give me a vote of thanks for taking Miss W- to Dr Belcombe  ‘All I can say is, she really seems to prefer you as a medical man to all who have ever attended her, and that if I had time for nursing, I think our united efforts might be of service - but I am a young practitioner and my courage us much abated - it is dreary to combat sickness without disease, and misery without reason – medicals come [9.S.] from Mr Sunderland; but all I hear is that you and he are agreed as to the course to be pursued - I am to count the letters you have written, for the purpose of taking care that your pen shall not have laboured in vain. It is some satisfaction to me that you will ,at least be remembered, as among the cleverest and most agreeable of medicinae doctores and, should you be applied to when I am gone, I am sure you will do the best that such a case admits, in which the manner will do more than medicine, is the maxima veritas et praevalebit [the greatest truth will prevail]’ – would try to make time for another day on in, if I thought, it would do any good but my hopes not sanguine – will however, on my own account, see them all again if I am before my leaving England – but fear being kept here ‘till the utmost limit of my time, the end of this month or very beginning of the next – anxious to be off. ‘May this new year be felix ter et amplius [happy three times more]! Very faithfully yours. A.L.’  - then wrote letter about 2/3 of a p. rather small and close to Mr. Lister (Swansea) – saying I remitted him bill at 21 days for £35.3 deducting [?] £1.12.0 for insurance – sorry had come to no agreement about the water level gained – 6ft. valued at ��6 a year of which ½ belonged to him – had sent 2 law-letters and had 2 valuations and expense already between 3 and 4 pounds, but this should come out of the annual rent to be paid – or if I could get nothing would charge him nothing – vid. Business letter book vol. 2 – downstairs at 11 50 – from 12 in ¾ hour read the prayers and sermon 26 Mr Knight – at my desk at 1 ¼ - Letter from M- (Lawton) 3 pages and ends 3 lines of crossing widely written - ‘I hope and think you will find him (Thomas Beech) a valuable servant - he can read, write and cast accounts’ - then in the few lines dated yesterday adds ‘Thomas Beech agrees to all your proposals’ – i.e. £20 a year including washing and to be engaged from the 30th inst. and clean the carriage unless I hereafter order otherwise, but at any rate to clean it abroad and do all I desire him - Had I mentioned Martha Booth sooner would have taken her as under housemaid - should the one engaged not suit, will think of Martha - would not do for kitchen maid who must be a pretty good cook - ‘she has all the servants’ hall meals to prepare, both white and brown bread to make, and will have to

SH:7/ML/E/15/0176

come as cook here whenever we happen to be over’ ‘the account you give me of your health and spirits delights me much I feel now as if come what may you will be happy and comfortable, it often made me unhappy to think your sole dependence should be on a prop which seemed hardly trustworthy you will see if Charles does not long outlive me, yet I am not ill, nor I do wish not to live, but somehow I feel, and have always felt, as if there was a period that with my constitution would be trying, it may or may not be so, this much of anticipation arises more form what may be, than any indisposition at present, for I am in pretty tolerable health tho’ not a little harassed’  expecting poor old Molly Ownes’ death the old woman (her great favourite) at the Liverpool Lodge - ‘her views of this life as connected with the future are clearer than those of anything I ever met with’ - and M-  has had much consolation from her - Miss Lawton going to marry an army surgeon a widower a Mr Hyne comes from Devonshire saying he makes £500 or £600 a year by his profession - but having no private fortune and 2 children the youngest 10th months old - Mr L- is indignant and refuses his consent - her brother, William L- equally angry - M- says little - wrote 3 pages and ends and under the seal (till 4 10) in answer - ‘I was beginning, my dearest Mary, to be rather impatient for your letter - it is come and has given me much comfort and pleasure - I am satisfied with what you say of yourself - tho’ I hope and trust your anticipation is groundless, yet it is well to set our house in order betimes, and you go about it so calmly, and so happily, that I have no motive for gainsaying - I am glad to have had it - my power to speak so comfortably of myself - you know the bitterness that providence has been pleased to mingle in my draught of life, but I have really learnt to consider it as making the beverage more wholesome, and to take with thankfulness - In fact, Mary, tho’ my conversion is of less long standing than it ought to be, surely it will be lasting as sincere, and, I trust, you will have no occasion to think of me again but with cheerfulness and satisfaction - We cannot tell the n° of our days, but, should we both live longer than you expect, I still hope to congratulate you on a brighter evening than noonday clouds have promised - I grieve over the loss you will have in poor Molly Owen’...... suppose she (M-) will be off to Leamington on the 14th beg to hear from her again 1st if only to give me Thomas’s address - wonder how Eugenie will suit me - have taken one of John’s daughter (will be 14 in a day or two) to bring up as Lady’s maid - shall tell M- my plan and advise with her at Leamington - thanks about Martha Booth - an under housemaid place must be ‘the utmost height she is fit to aspire to’ - sorry for Miss Lawton’s match ‘you say nothing about little Mariana - I have often wished it was possible to trace in her the smallest resemblance to you - what do you hear from York?’ - dare not attempt to fix a day for being off - expense here still going on to the amount of a couple of hundreds more - she must console me - shall have must to say at Leamington - not to forget to take all my letters ‘let us have the burning we have talked of ever since May - I am convinced you are right - we had better get it over before my going abroad again - I know nothing about my return - my aunt and father are both wonderfully well, and may live several years - a life of exertion suits me best - and, unless particularly called home, why should I hurry back? the new year is cold, but may you find it a happier than many of the years that are gone! I like to hear from you if it be but a line or two, so, busy or not, let me see your handwriting - God bless you Mary! there is to all a prop that cannot fail, and you and I may lean upon the same tho’ not together - I am well and happy and very especially and entirely yours AL’.

Added ½ dozen lines of crossing to M- to mention how nearly the farm house I have lately spent about £300 upon was burnt down yesterday week - from a [combers] stove being heated in an upstairs room - fire broke out about 4pm and out at 6 the watering pond being full of water and only one end of the house damaged.

wrote the last 27 lines in 25 minutes till 4 35 - then wrote 3 pages and ends pretty small and close to IN- should have written before but waited to tell her about my plans and about the man servant I was in treaty for and who, as I only heard this morning, agrees to my proposals and is engaged from the 30th of this month - hope IN- will not go to Croft before quite the end - if Mrs N- quite satisfied to have given up the Bath scheme, I am delighted as I have not quite given up the hope of having a peep at them but bare not say or think much about it for fear of disappointment - always one potheration or another to keep me here and put me to expense - mentioned Park-farm house being nearly burnt down yesterday week - will write to Mrs. N- when I know more of my plans - only know at present that I shall take Leamington en route, and see M- some of them will be there on the 14th and she hopes to be settled there on a week afterwards - If I can get off from here by the very end of this month or beginning of next shall be satisfied - should like best to go first, as I always intended, to Italy but uncertain yet whether I shall not be obliged to remain within reach for sometime to come - not on account of my aunt or father - they wonderfully well - will write to aunt Maria when I can tell her I am en route - joke and advise IN- not to mind the vulgarity of Esther’s mother in law - we do not marry a whole family at one fell swoop - in these times the high and low are oddity jostled together - the great fallen and the little ones grown big.....  dinner at 6 25 – at 7 10 sent off by John my letters to M- ‘Lawton hall, Lawton, Cheshire’ and to IN- ‘Langton hall, Malton’ – and to ‘Dr. Belcombe minster yard York’ and to ‘John Lister Esquire Swansea Glamorganshire’ wrote the last 15  lines till 7 25 – then standing by the fire, and looking a little into Horace, and asleep on the sofa till  9 10 – so cold in the drawing room cannot sit to do anything   I must give it up and come to my room

[shwinlsol]

Yess I've had fun these past few days just attempting to structure this bizarre company in my head. Based on the fact that Pony Express is the only name we ever see for it in the ship, it's likely just a delivery company—perhaps operating under some other big conglomerate—but it's weird because it has so much merch and paraphernalia scattered around everywhere, like it's marketed to kids (maybe a recruitment tactic of some sort?). Then again, I'm not the most familiar with shipping companies, so maybe stuff like that is normal. It was just kinda weird and Disney-like (especially with how Disney is always treating their employees. The PE propaganda posters with vaguely threatening regulations captioned under the silly cartoons really reminded me of that for some reason).

I've thought that it probably makes sense that there would be ships with different layouts in the company fleet; when Curly and Jimmy are talking about Daisuke's situation, Curly says he "should've made a bigger stink about that" in regards to how the ship is only built to accommodate four people. Whether that means he should've refused Daisuke's internship or pushed for a bigger ship is up in the air, but I'm really leaning towards the latter.

I think I saw an animatic a bit ago with someone's interpretation of how the ship would look from the outside, and the cargo hold took up most of the space while the rest of the ship where the crew would reside in was just sticking outta the side like an afterthought. I thought that it was very fitting—PE would build ships that could hold as much product as possible, but wouldn't spare any unnecessary expenses or space for the crew themselves. It certainly matched with how, in the game, the cargo hold is just some unfathomably huge space with rows and rows of boxes fading into the void. I imagine that every single ship would be like that.

Also the rest of the ships having the same sort of themed names is such a cool thought!! Although I don't know if they'd run out of names to choose from eventually. How many ships would PE even have? Based on how many corners they cut in just the Tulpar, I can't imagine they have very many more. And is the crew confined to just one ship for every job or do they get to switch ships for different deliveries? It's implied that that single crew had been together in the same ship for years: they reminisce about past surprise birthdays that Daisuke wasn't there for and Swansea says that the vent in Utility had been broken "for forever", which implies he's known about it for longer than just the current job they were on. There's also the fact that Anya was familiar enough with the ship to know that there was a gun stored in the cockpit, which could be attributed to Curly's honest nature (telling the crew where a lethal weapon was stored onboard so as to make them feel a little safer seems on-brand) or the fact that they've been there long enough that she'd figured it out/seen it on her own.

Maybe I'm just overthinking things again tho, idk haha. There were so many open-ended things in the game (which was valid, seeing as they really had nothing to do with the plot), and it leaves so much room for speculation :'D hard not to think about it

The ship being called the Tulpar is so fitting actually. It's essentially just a big flying pony filled with mouthwash and dead dreams

[misslisterkeepsajournal]

1826 Sunday 5 March

6 3/4 11

Went into the stable - sat down at my desk at 7 1/2 - wrote 1 1/2 pages to Tattersall to ask him if he thought he could 'with advantage and without impropriety' try to sell a horse of mine at the sale (the week after next as said the man in the mail on Thursday) of Mr. Lambton's steed - described Hotspur - concluding with apologizing for asking an unnecessary question, but said, that, if Mr. T- [Tattersall] knew anything of a gentleman of the name of Emery in London who furnished Veturino horses for all parts of the continent, I should consider myself obliged to him to give me his address - then wrote 2 pages and the ends to Mrs. Norcliffe - thanking her for the guinea bird and her note on Tuesday and for her letter on Wednesday - thanked her for her opinion and advice respecting our going abroad -

'I have always valued the one, and often regretted not having followed the other, and entreat and hope you will continue to let me benefit by both so long as we are each of us permitted to sojourn here - I shall always remember all your kindness with affectionate gratitude, and never cease to think of you with pleasure as one of the best of my friends' -

Said my aunt wanted a dry air even more than a warm air, which dry air was not to be had anywhere in England - we were to follow the climate that suit us, and could not therefore as yet decide exactly where she should attempt to settle - had ordered Dr. Clarke's work on the different places on the continent resorted to by invalids, and should be much influenced by this - had ordered a carriage and should be much obliged to her for any hint she could give - mentioned about Betsy Harrison and desired to have Burnett's opinion enclosed a bill from Whitley of 3.9.6 dated 31 March 1824 for binding prints for Mrs. N- [Norcliffe] on cleaning the room after IN [Isabella Norcliffe] and I were gone, this bill (sent to IN [Isabella Norcliffe] was found on the floor - then wrote very nearly 3 pages to IN- [Isabella Norcliffe] mentioning what I had done in York, and that we expected M- [Mariana] tomorrow week, and there was still some chance of Miss Mc.L-'s [Maclean's] coming for I read or skimmed over the letter from her and M- [Mariana]

At 10 1/2 sent off my letter to 'Messers Tattersall and company Hyde Park corner London' my letter to 'Mrs. Norcliffe Langton hall Malton' and my letter to 'Miss Norcliffe the Reverend James Dalton's Croft Rectory Darlington' - then had my breakfast here (in my room) and read my letter from John Lister (Swansea) 2 pages very proper letter of thanks for the mourning ring, and for my 2 letters - He says of my uncles death 'it shocked us very much not knowing that he had a bad state of health' - I omitted to mention the name of the office in which his insurance is effected - I thought as soon as I had sent off my letter - I will write again - then read my letter from M- [Mariana] (lawton) 3 pages and the ends - she knows nothing to prevent her coming tomorrow week - has not shewed my last to Mr. C.L- [Charles Lawton] but perhaps may -

'I have very good reason for believing that neither your letter nor one 1/2 of mine was read - so strange a being as Mr. C.L- [Charles Lawton] to deal with, you cannot conceive - I will defy anyone that does not live with him to comprehend the difficulties which those that do are perpetually meeting with' -

Then read my letter from Miss Maclean (Edinburgh) 3 pages - the thought of my going abroad seems to have affected her much - she fancies we may never meet again - our leaving Shibden had never entered her head - she had thought of going to settle matters at Quinish in May (should they continue in Edinburgh) hoping I could go with her

'and the idea of travelling together, and spending a few weeks rambling thro' the wilds - without any one to interrupt our intercourse - was such a delightful thought, I fancied it must come to pass - then we must have got acquainted with each other but vain are human plans - the lonely - desolate feeling your letter occasioned, you, perhaps could not have guessed - but I am chasing it away - I have allowed myself to think too much of you, having not one but yourself whose thoughts are as my thoughts - whatever bitterness of spirit I might be in, your letters always cheered me, till this last'....

She wishes to come yet knows not if she can, or, if she can, if she ought while we are in the bustle perhaps of moving and while my aunt is so unwell - Sat down immediately and wrote 3 pages and the ends (she tells me, too, of a treasure of a woman servant aetatis 40, a highlander, a Macdonald) in answer, to go tomorrow -

'Sibbella! I have this moment received your letter - It affects me more deeply than you think; for I discover from it what I have scarcely vanity, or courage, call it which you please, to acknowledge to myself, much less to you, - I discover from it, that you have perhaps more regard for me, than we either of us felt assured till this moment - you do not write like a person who is heartless, or like one whose heart is lightly interested in the fate of this friend 'The lonely desolate feeling......(quoted to 'think too much of you') - Sibella! forgive me, if I can guess better than you imagine; - forgive me, if, on looking into my own heart, I seem in some sort looking into yours - I knew not - thought not- hoped not - your mind would muse upon a scheme so winning as 'the idea of travelling together....(quoted to 'interrupt our intercourse') - this sentence sinks deeply in my heart - yes! 'then we must have got acquainted with each other' - you would have known me, - known whether I was worth the thought and friendship you have given - Perhaps it may be still, - and, tho' not next summer, a summer afterwards that may not please us less - Why despair? Why give up the hope of meeting in happiness even in this world? If you are strong enough to bear the journey, come; if not, I will try to see you by some means or other'.....

Mention our expectation of seeing M- [Mariana] tomorrow week, and then afterwards, and our plans as far as we know them - if she can come early in June will meet her at Northallerton or Newcastle or wherever she likes, and bring her in the carriage from York - mention Dr. Duffin's handsome sister having married a Mr. Thompson? bookseller in Edinburgh - mine and my aunt's thanks for the trouble she has taken about the servant

'your account of Macdonald is very tempting - I only wish you had seen her Is her health good? Does about 40 mean rather less or rather more than that age? - Do you know if she can speak French? and if she is neat in her appearance, and altogether a nice looking person? I should like a Highlander - In your next will you answer these questions if you can, and give me her address? for if we'd not take the one in York, I should like to look after your Country woman' -

On speaking of the probability she would be more comfortable here than at Langton

'there is a something passing shew on which the joy of heart depends - I could name circumstances under which we might have taught each other this lesson practically - But Providence ordains it otherwise - and all thing are ordered wisely - Give me your friendship for ever, and I am satisfied - come, see what I am, and tell me, if you can, you have not repented the day we met' -

These 3 pages and the ends to Miss Mc.L- [Maclean] took me 1 1/2 hour till 12 3/4 - then wrote out the journals of Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday and so far of today, and had just done at 3 10/60 - it is four hundred and fifty a year - from then to 4 1/2 settling accounts - then wrote out my father's future rent-roll of the property here - which took me till 5 - Dressed and washed for I had not had time to do it before - Dinner at 6 10/60 - tea and coffee at at 8 - Fine morning before 12 - then showers of hail and rain, during the afternoon and evening - came up to bed at 9 3/4 at which hour Barometer 1/3 degree above changeable Fahrenheit 44° Read from page 153 to 171 the last no. [number] (65) of the Quarterly review on Gilly's history of the Vaudois - E..O.. -

Reference: SH:7/ML/E/9/0065 - SH:7/ML/E/9/0066

[peakysabrina]

Dark Horse: chapter 3

 Warnings: I don’t think there are any other than language and canon-typical violence? Hope you like it tho!!!!

Tommy and Ada declined the invitation for lunch, and decided to depart. None of them felt very comfortable amongst the visitors, and although not even Gigi lifted a finger against them, the sense of impending threat was weighing heavy over their heads. Despite having an agreement, it was clear as day that they couldn't trust the girl and her minions to abide by human law, let alone common sense.

"I wonder what will happen to those men" Ada mused, as they made their way back to Tommy's car. "I know they'll end up dead and at your doorstpe, but how do you think she'll do it?"

"There are some pictures in Welsh newspapers you might want to look at" Tom responded, clenching his jaw as he walked. It was a terrible habit of his, along with grinding his teeth. "It almost always involves knives, I'd imagine"

"How come she's never been caught?"

"She said it herself, didn't she? She only kills bad men" the head of Shelby Brothers Ltd. chuckled, hands on the wheel, starting the car. "I would imagine that the good people of Swansea don't have a problem with her, and she does sell a fair share of newspapers"

"I don't trust her" Ada confessed, relieved to be driving away from Gigi Gold's camp. "I don't trust her, and I don't trust that man who was there when we arrived. I don't even trust her to honour our agreement"

"Romanis have rules, Ada. Rules that not even Georgia Gold can ignore. She made a deal with you, and I believe she will honour it. What we should worry about is what happens if we don't do our part. I, for one, am not any closer to finding who was able to undermine me, who managed to betray us. Meaning that I am no closer to finding out who killed that girl's father" Tommy had to admit, letting out a deep breath. "I don't like depending on people like this, but it's what needs to be done. Even without reading the articles, anyone who looks at her knows she's capable of killing us all, without even blinking. So we need to deliver to her what we promised, and if I have to come up with a scheme, or a lie, I will"

"We'll never feel safe again, will we, Thomas? You're in too deep, we are all in too deep" Ada sighed, more defeated than angry. She was almost ure Tommy knew it too, but sometimes he needed to hear it from someone else, he needed to hear it from her. "You can't just lie to her, she's not stupid"

"I've lied to more powerful people than Georgia"

"And look where it got you! Look at you, Tom! Look at you, and look at your family! We're falling apart, and it's only gonna get better once we clean up all the mess we've made. We cannot tell a grieving daughter and sister some half-arsed lie, it would only come back later to bite us in the arse. You have to understand that, Tom, don't you? And the shit with Mosley... I know it's almost impossible to let go of it, but you have to find a way, before we lose anyone else" Ada begged, tears in her eyes, hoping it was as simple as saying it to make it come true.

"It's not that fucking simple, Ada! How the fuck can you say those things, as if they were possible? I can't just turn my back on Mosley, he will destroy me if I do. Do I need to remind you of what happened to the father of your unborn child? Do I need to remind you of when Charlie, my own son, was taken? It's never as simple as just talking over a glass of whisky!"

"You have to try! You need to try. At least tell me you'll try" she concluded, not wanting to push her brother any further. And when it came to Ben Younger, well... she would rather leave it on the back of her mind, buried deep within her brain, nothing but a memory, keep Freddie company.

_____________________________________________________________

Gigi walked out of her wagon shortly after Tommy and Ada left. She was still barefoot, and didn't seem to mind the mud under the soles of her feet. If anything, it seemed natural to her, as was the gesture of picking up her dress to prevent it from becoming muddy as well.

"What did they want? Who are they?" the man in the top hat asked. His name was Lucas, and his demeanour was that of mockery and laziness.

"Thomas and Ada Shelby. They've employed us to kill some man associated with the people who killed Bonnie" Gigi simply responded, hands on her waist, made prominent by the corset she always wore. "They've also agreed to give me my father's killers"

"So, long story short... you invited the people you came here to kill into your wagon" Lucas chuckled, sitting on the step of his own vardo. "Why?"

"I made a deal with her. I would wait a month for them to find the person who killed my father. In return, I would not kill any of them"

"Do we intend on keeping our promise?" he enquired, extending a hand to help Gigi sit down next to him. "I'm asking not because I doubt your honour, but because I've never seen you accept others doing your job for you"

"I never thought I would, but I've a feeling these people are moving in circles where we do not belong... although they are responsible for my father's death, they might not have pulled the trigger. The ones who did are probably men who attend tables we wouldn't even be allowed to serve. I have no clue on how to get to someone like that, but they do. I will serve my justice, eventually " Gigi explained, reaching for the flask Lucas offered.

"He's quite handsome, isn't he? Thomas Shelby... Never thought he would be" Lucas said, furrowing his brow. He'd seen the man in photographs, but those didn't really denounce the sharp features and ice cold eyes the genuine product displayed.

"Is he? Seems pretty dull to me. The sister, though... The sister, Ada. She has something to her that he doesn't. A spark, a strength. He's bitter, and altogether too calculating for my taste. She's the kind of woman who could lead the masses, who could yield a sword with one hand, and nurture a babe with the other"

"Oh no, rakli, don't tell me you write poetry now. Are you in love?"

"What would I know about love, huh? Where would I have seen it?" Georgia asked, looking into the distance as she sipped on the lukewarm tea of the Lucas' flask. "Don't think I believe it, to be honest"

"Ah, but it's a beautiful thing. A very, very beautiful thing" Lucas let the sentence fade into nothing, remembering past days, where an orchard or an abandoned shed were enough to delight him, as long as a gentle pair of eyes and hands was there with him. Stolen kisses, stolen touches, stolen time from whatever chore needed to be done and dusted by nightfall.

"I believe you" Georgia laughed in return, thinking to herself that maybe love could be beautiful, but so was family. If she didn't know about the first, she made up for it with knowledge of the second.

[veryfineday]

Sunday 19 February 1832

8 35/..

12 3/4

L  +  L  L

fine but dullish morning Fahrenheit 56 1/2ºat 9 40/.. in my room and 42º at 10 in the balcony - at 8 1/2 Letter from my aunt Shibden 3 pp.[pages] ends and under to say she had had a begging letter from a James L-[Lister] saying he was the younger son of mr. william L-[Lister] of Laugharne - having lost his father at the age of three years and being the youngest of ten children had not had the same advantages of education as his older brothers -

‘am at present an officer of excise. and am in a fair way of being promoted which will attend with a little expense and absence from home - having a wife and small family whatever trifle mrs. Lister will have the goodness to bestow nice be highly expected of’ ..... James L-[Lister] officer of excise Birdgend, Glamorganshire’ - there would be no end to this - It is an odd sort of begging from a person one Knows nothing about, and who has respectable relations near to him - better, it strikes me, to take no notice of such a letter -

my aunt has found a lease granted to Benjamin Bottomley’s father in 1799, and this matter and the coal road settled about, my aunt supposes, by this time - John’s son has written for a frocK coat waistcoat, and malls, and gaiters - my aunt wrote to tell Scott to get them if wanted and send the bill to her - It should be ascertained what the boy can earn, and he must worK for his clothes, and trouble his father and anybody else longer than necessary -

my aunt says the town of H-x[Halifax] and neighbourhood is very sicKly - the history of YorKshire complete to and including the 49th no.[number] - but there are more nos.[numbers] as far as 70 at least for my father has got that number - they talK then of a property tax to commence at £500 a year  from 7 1/2 to 10 per cent -

br[eak]f[a]st at 10 5/.. - miss H-[Hobart] and I at church at 11 - mr. west preached 31 minutes from 2 Kings i. 20 - Set thine house in order for those shalt die - asleep - on coming home read or looKed over the paper and came upstairs at 1 1/2 - wrote the above of today - from 2 10/.. to 4, wrote 3 pp.[pages] and long ends very small and close and under the seal ditto ditto to my aunt 

‘my dear aunt  On consideration, I am really and decidedly of opinion, the best thing you can do will be to take no notice at all of the letter - ..... I suspect the thing exceedingly - a respectable officer of excise has no business to make such applications - he has respectable relations near him; and I am, on every account, persuaded, you had best give him no encouragement to expect anything from us -  Rely upon it, his cousin of Swansea would be very much annoyed, did he Know of the thing - and, were it advisable to make any inquiries at all, it might be better for you to write to mr. John L-[Lister] senior, then to the clergyman of the parish - But thinK about it, and I am persuaded, you will agree with me, that, in this case, you and I had best have nothing to do with the applicant - Perhaps he may not write again - I would leave even two letters unanswered; and if, which is perhaps unliKely, he should write 3 more, maKing four altogether, I would copy them all or at least the last of them mentioning having had 3 before in a letter to mr. J.L-[John Lister] of Swansea, and enclose him a 5 pounds banK of England note begging him to dispose of it as he thought would do most good to the applicant, and desiring, at the same time, that you might not be troubled any more, as all you had to spare for clarity was called for at home -’

‘Somehow or other, I have not yet had resolution to execute the will made by Lawton the proctor, and that you read over - the thing is, it is not, as I told you at the moment, exactly what I intended; but I hardly Know how to mend it just now - it would be far better than no will, and I thinK of executing it - or I may have some alterations made in London - If anything happens to me in the mean time, I am satisfied to thinK, there is a short will properly executed, in the middle drawer of the deal chest in the blue room, leaving everything I have to you’ -

said that John’s son ought to be taught to feel that he had only his own exertions to depend it would not do now that he was put into a way of getting his bread to be writing home for things - my aunt had asK Scott what wages he thought it right to give him, and not pay them to the boy himself till his father was repaid for the clothes he now bought for him - had better asK Scott’s real opinion of the boy, and say that tho’ she would do anything for him that was necessary, he must depend only on himself -

mentioned having engaged Francesco Bado from some time in April - very little and slim but looKed quicK and clever and would do anything - drive or cooK for me if I liKed - was in good hope of him because he had lived 7 years with his last master (named him) and had a small estate near Genoa - did not say he was married - I much better in health than I was at first, but still felt as if the sight of my booKs in Paris would do me good - If I could be off now, could sail from Dover and land at Calais with only 3 days quarantine - asK my aunt to write soon again for her letters always do me good -

at 4 began letter of condolence to miss Crompton (went downstairs and staid with miss H-[Hobart] from about 4 1/4 to 5 1/4) and wrote 1 1/2 page widely written - not much in it -

‘my dear miss Crompton  at this melancholy time I hesitate and almost fear to intrude ‘on your rememberance but even if I trouble you unseasonably I feel assured you will appreciate the motive and believe that I am unwilling you should thinK me forgetful of you in the day of affliction or the last among your friends to offer you my sincere condolence - I hope and trust that many palliative circumstances have conspired to lighten the affliction as much as possible, that you were not taKen at unawares, and that, being prepared. you are all resigned and as far as may be reconciled to this severe dispensation of providence’ -

then merely add that I hope to find Lady Herries in London in April and was sorry not to find her at home when I called in October on my return from Hampshire - my best regards to your sisters and believe me, my dear miss Crompton, ever very sincerely yours A Lister’ - copied all the above to line 17 from my letter to my aunt and wrote the rest from memory till 6 1/4 - sent off at 5 50/.. my letters to ‘mrs. Lister Shibden hall, Halifax, YorKshire’ and to miss Crompton, Esholt hall, Bradford, YorKshire'

dressed - dinner at 7 10/.. in 40 miutes - music- coffee at 8 3/4 - miss cutting scraps out of the newspapers and I looKed over Smith’s Italy - very good friends  I quiz her about her small house ‘remember (said she) I am come to Hastings’ meaning that that was not against our ultimately being together  she is much more liante than she was  miss H-[Hobart] had mr. and mr. morland calling this afternoon - Fine day came to my room at 11 35/.. p.m, Fahrenheit 58º. at 11 3/4 p.m. in my room and 41º at 12 1/2 in the balcony -

[margin: Miss H[obart] wrote this afternoon and put with her will a paper disposing of her trinkets and other such things among her friends]

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Saturday 17 August 1833

6 ½

11 ¾

fine morning – F66° at 8 a.m. told Eugénie to tell the porter not to order the horses for today – would go at 2 ¼ tomorrow - wrote in envelope note to ‘the honourable Mrs. Heneage’ dated Friday evening 16 August compliments much obliged for the note so good as send this morning had fixed to go on Tuesday detained till tomorrow (i.e. today Saturday) read aloud to Eugenie as usual and then wrote it out wrote ‘la comtesse de Bourke’ dated yesterday compliments et excessivement fâché de ne pas pouvoir partir demain à cause de la nouvelle d’Angleterre que je viens de recevoir (should have been de l’Angleterre?) - Miss Lister Madame de Bourke d'agréer sus excuses et de couler sur son départ dimanche elle ira chercher prendre Mademoiselle Ferrall à deux et demi d’après midi et prie la comtesse de Bourke d’agréer l’assurance de son amitié parfaite - ce vendre di soir 16 Aout’ - sent Thomas with these 2 notes at 8 ¼ - breakfast at 10 ¾ -  Mr. John Lister came at 11 10 for about ½ hour - advised his not thinking of trying for the infirmity at Swansea and settling there as surgeon and apothecary - no graduating with credit afterwards and a Glasgow diploma worth nothing - better toil on - make a sacrifice to graduate at Edinburgh - keep in sight of the friends he has made in the company’s service and hope and try for something by and by did not attempt to shake hands he is perhaps improved told him the great thing was to get gradually into better and better society and have the matters of a gentleman said I was intreated in his doing well would be glad but could not help him in a pecuniary way had my sister and my own immediate family (meaning my aunt)  he hoped I did not think he thought of such a thing oh no said I not on terms with his father’s family had not seen any of them for long - finished my breakfast after Mr. L- was gone - then till 3 ¼ (before and after breakfast) wrote a full (large sized ½ sheet) pretty close to lady S- de R- and ditto to old lady S- and ditto to V- all dated this morning meant to sleep tonight at Meaux - had given up Berlin and Leipzig for the present - all beyond Copenhagen to be settled there, governed by circumstances and good advice - do not meat to do anything too adventurous - tell Lady S- de R- Lady Gordon had told me all about Mrs. Frederic Byng - might not one pity her? fancied Lady S- thought one right - I more sufficient to myself alone than she with her 2 girls - she talked as if we might meet in Germany - burst into a loud (and to V- added opened - mouthed) laugh on hearing I was off today for Copenhagen - all three nice letters

SH:7/ML/E/16/0096

said never meant to leave Paris without writing to Lady S- de R- ‘tho’ I have no vain imagining about an agreeable letter I can at least thank you for your kindness, and, in these days, when people are so unwilling would advise even their particular friends, it was indeed kind of you to advise - I could have said at the moment of hearing your opinion, I had made up my mind, but it was better to wait till it might seem I have had time enough to be fairly convinced you were right - I should like very much to pay your judgment some compliment that with all my heart I think deserved but we often do a thing worst when anxious to do it best, and cannot attain even our common measure of success when we wish to exceed it’ - ..... ‘Vere says nothing of having received the likeness you gave me - my love to the dear girls, and believe me, my dear Lady Stuart, affectionately and very truly yours. AL’ - first time in my life I have concluded with affectionately? tho’ she once in Paris did it to me - from 3 ¼ wrote 3 pages and ends to lady H- de H- and 2 ½ pages small and close to M- dinner at 5 10 – out at 7 – ordered Grammaires des grammaires at Crochards’, and called for a few minutes at Dumontiers’ – he out – saw his wife – he is lecturing on phrenology and studying to be a physician! so gives up in 2 years, when his lease out, his anatomy shop – then to rue St. V- Thomas took my note of sorry très fâchée de ne pas pouvoir dire en personne mes adieus à ‘Madame la Baronne Cuvier au Jardin des Planes et a Mademoiselle Duvanscel’ – Madame Lister les prie d’agréer l’assurance du ses sentimens les plus distingués et de ses amitiés sincères – walked slowly home (brought away the remainder of the plate etc. to take with me) and came in at 9 ¼ -  from 9 1/4 to 10 25 with Mrs and Miss Barlow - she asked about burning my letters - said she might keep or destroy or do just what she liked with them - quite easy about it - she had thought it right to try to forget would not did not say she had succeeded might have had a scene the tears were in her eyes but I was too calm and philosophic Jane left us and was coming away without saluting but Mrs B- willed it otherwise I kissed her kindly but no more and quietly walked off will be very civil kind and attentive but no more nonsense whether she would or not - fine day – F66° now at 11 25 after having written the whole of this page –

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Thursday 5 July 1832

6 ¾

11

finish morning F68° at 7 a.m. no motion the two last mornings and very little the morning before   as small short thick hard rather difficult one now   and writing copy of letter to Mr. Lister till eight breakfast at 8 50 – at 9 ¼ came up before finishing my breakfast to write note to ‘Mr. Carr Swan Inn’ returning him 2/6 out of eleven sovereigns brought up by his servant being in full of the last ½ years rent – off to H-x at 10 ¼ - down the o.b. to Whitleys’ to hear the news – Mr. Wortley went yesterday – sure of his election – to return on Monday to stay till this day week at Mr. (Christopher) Rawsons’ – then went to the bank – left there three hundred pounds and got an order of their bank in London for John Lister went back to Whitleys’ – wrote there my letter to ‘John Lister Esquire Swansea Glamorganshire’ and put it into the post, and then went to Mr. Parkers’ – saw Mr. Adam – desired him to write to Benjamin Bottomley and say I desired his right to the charges he sent me the other day on account of quitting his farm – Mr. A- thought he had no right to them under the old lease granted to his father in 1799 and tho’ the rent had been changed it would not be set aside by that – Desired to be let know when there would be meeting of the commissioners of the Leeds and Wakefield road and also of the Godley road - got to Stony Royde at 12 ¼ dined with Mrs Rawson at 1 ½ and came away at 3 - agreeable visit enough I think Marian is popular there I said not much about her but that now I could have neither man nor maid since George’s death had therefore no conveyance could not go about except walking – At Pickersgills’ at 3 35 – came home for the key of the cottage and went back with it – sauntered bout – a few drops more rain – heavy rain from about 12 ½ for an hour or more – home at 5 ¼ and wrote the above of today – Saw Throp in the street at H-x – said I could not do the planting I spoke of before quite to mind, and had therefore given it up, and should want nothing of him at least begged him not to keep either oaks or anything else for me copied into business letter book the letter to Mr. Lister  tea at 6 (not wanting a 2nd dinner) with my aunt and father – Marian not returned from H-x – out in my walk 1 ¼ hour till 9 – came to my room at 9 40 – Had just had very kind joint letter from Mr. and Mrs. Duffin  - 2 pp. from the former and 1p. and ends from the latter – regretting not having see ne, and the former hoping that I should go by and by (when cholera over) and stay with them as long as I could - very proper note from Mrs Briggs acknowledging the £10 note I sent yesterday and giving a better account of Mr Briggs but still not daring to be too sanguine – threatening rain all the day, but fine except as see line 10 from this – F69° now at 10 40 p.m. stood reading the courier -

[peakysabrina]

Dark Horse: chapter 9

So! Warning for like a makeout? So it’s like slightly NSFW. Nothing crazy tho. I promise. 

Sure, Gigi is in mortal peril, and that needs to be worked out, but it’s also super obvious her and Ada have like... chemistry. Hence the warning. 

The physician who was called shook from top to bottom, having been draggen to Polly Gray's home under the threat of Isaiah Jesus' shotgun. Neither the preacher's son nor the good doctor were aware of who it was who needed medical care, and only the latter one was allowed inside the home, and inside the guest bedroom. The patient had to be the blonde girl who laid on the bed, either sleeping, passed out, or dead already; covered in soot, it was hard to make out any other features.

"She inhaled a lot of smoke" Polly Gray informed, hand over her mouth. Philip Morris, the doctor, knew the lady fairy well, and couldn't say that he'd ever seen her as worried as she was now. "And she sometimes wakes up, but can't really speak"

"Does she look confused when she comes to?" Morris asked, approaching the patient and seeing that some efforts had been made to clean the afflicted girl, and there had been the common sense to open the windows, so that fresh air could come into the room. 

"I wouldn't say confused, no. She does have a hard time breathing, though, and seems to be in pain" Polly replied, making the doctor nod. Those symptoms were to be expected, as was the shallow breathing he could hear.

"Hm... Well, the first thing we need is some oxygen, but for that we need a..."

"Polly! Polly, I need help with this!" a voice shouted from what seemed to be front door. Following suit, both Polly and Morris went down the stairs, where none other than Ada Thorne stood, after seemingly have dragged a full cannister of oxygen, with what looked like a hose and a mask. 

"We need one of those, that's what I was about to say" doctor Morris completed, looking mildly concerned with the presence of a medical device outside of a hospital or GP practice. However, it shouldn't be surprising that a Shelby had access to whatever they needed, but it was strange that Ada knew such a thing existed and would be needed. "Let's get it upstairs" he prompted, deciding not to comment on it. 

"I shouted at a few nurses and pointed a gun at them until they gave me it" Ada commented, as if it was completely normal and not at all noteworthy. Polly nodded, as the three of them made their way to the guest bedroom. The girl, whoever she was, was still sleeping, and doctor Morris went to work setting up the machine, to hopefully save a life that day. 

"Did it work? Gigi? Gigi?" Ada Thorne let out the second the mask was on the girl's face. Morris did appreciate having a name for his patient, although Gigi was atrocious. "Gigi! Wake up, love!"

"Mrs. Thorne, she needs to take in a good dose of it before we can see any improvement" the doctor explained, breathing deeply. "We'll leave the mask for about an hour, and then we'll see how she feels, and if she needs some more of it to clear out her lungs" 

"Fine. Thank you, doctor" Polly even made an effort to smile, but rushed the doctor out quickly, advising him that he was to tell no one about what he'd gone to her house for, under the threat of consequences he would not appreciate. 

Ada, on the other hand, had not cared at all that a medical professional, or anyone else, had been to see Gigi. She knew enough about human anatomy to know that oxygen would help someone breathe, and that seemed to be Gigi's main issue at that moment. As to how she got her hands on oxygen, it was also pretty easy; if needed she was ready to go to the ends of the earth to get whatever Georgia needed. 

"Hey love, I'm back. You alright? Is the mask too tight?" Ada asked, taking Gigi's hands into hers, resuming their positions before she'd left for the hospital. Of course, there was no response, but at least something was being done. There was no way to tell whether the poor girl was sleeping or passed out, but there was a heartbeat, which Ada checked obsessively. 

"She's not going to die if you eat something" Polly chuckled from the door, trying not to smile too widely. "Or have some tea"

"Not hungry" her niece replied, brushing some stray hair from Gigi's face, as carefully and lovingly as she could. "I hate seeing her like this"

"I do too" Pol agreed, leaning on the doorway. "I did wish to see you and her together, but not like this"

"Why did you? I myself didn't realise how I was starting to feel about her until I found her there" Ada admitted, hating herself just a bit. She'd had three weeks to come to terms with what had started to bloom the first night Gigi appeared in her life, but she had ignored all of it. 

"I have my ways. Not to mention Gigi may have told me in great secrecy she had feelings for you" Polly confessed, opting for staying by the door, to take in the complete picture before her, equal parts beautiful and sad. 

"She did? Well, she... Gigi told me... back at the camp..." Ada stuttered, trying to decide whether she wanted to share that information, or if she wanted to keep that memory to herself. 

"And what did you say to that?"

"I told her I was falling in love with her, and she told me she already was in love with me" 

There was no point in hiding that information from Polly, was there? Love wasn't really something to be afraid of, or embarrassed by. As for the precious memory involved, Ada refused to believe those words were the last thing Gigi would say and hear. There would be time for them to say it, to feel it, to discover what it meant for a future that seemed uncertain. 

"We'll have to find a way to hide her, and probably get her away from here without Tommy knowing" Polly reminded, going from the door to the window, and looking out to the back garden. There were Blinders somewhere around there, but she knew from experience that they couldn't hear them from that distance. 

"Do you think he'll still want to..."

"Do you think Gigi will suddenly change her mind when she's well enough to walk by herself?" Polly asked, lighting a cigarette. "Her father will still be dead, and it will still be Tommy who's to blame for employing him" 

"You're right. Fuck, Pol; what do we do?" 

"I don't know. But I think that the best option would be to get her back to Swansea, or to travel with one of her sisters. Let Tommy believe she's really gone" Polly admitted, breathing as deeply as she could. Of course, her heartbreak was lessened by a daughter she couldn't keep close; another loss for her already extensive list. Letters would have to sufice, and that was already better. 

"I know" Ada sighed, conflicted between brain and heart. It was too dangerous to keep Gigi around, it could threaten her life again, but damn it she didn't want to let go. The thought alone hurt, and it was all because of Tommy. Tommy had gotten them into this mess, had gotten Aberama Gold killed, which in turn had lit the fire of vengeance in Gigi. Between the two of them, there could only be one outcome: death. "What if she came back to London with me?" 

"And have to hide for the rest of her life? Looking over her shoulder, thinking about what might happen if she lets down her guard?"

"Thinking about what might happen to you and your children when he tries to get to me?" Gigi asked, having managed to take off the mask, and even attempt to sit up. Ada's face lit up with a smile as she helped her sit, a sigh of relief loud and clear. 

"How do you feel? Better?" Ada asked, hands on Gigi's cheeks, examining every inch of her skin, and then slooking straight into her eyes. "Does anything hurt, can you breathe?"

"I'm fine, I'm alright, I feel great" Gigi chuckled, albeit a bit breathless from the effort of sitting up. "I don't know where I am right now, but I have to go before Tommy finds out and hurts you" 

"You're not going anywhere" Polly ordered, chucking her cigarette and closing the window. "You need to rest, and you need to recover before you do anything. Tommy won't find out anything, and we need time to think about where it would be safest"

"Swansea. Swansea is safest" Gigi argued, looking around. "I know the rest of them are dead, they couldn't have survived, I remember their trailers on fire. But I've more people loyal to me in Wales, and Tommy wouldn't dare go that far"

"He would, Georgia. You don't know him like we do. He thinks his life's in danger, and he will stop at nothing to get rid of you. He's got resources, he's got..." Ada explained, sadly aware that Gigi would have to leave the country, and never come back. 

"Well, he's right. His life is in danger. He tried to kill me, and killed people I cared about. I'm willing to go back to Swansea, to my home, to make sure the heat dies down. But I can't guarantee I won't be back to finish what needs to be done" Gigi informed, her eyes darkening significantly. It was impossible to doubt her, her expression provided all the proof that she would, indeed, stop at nothing to see Thomas Shelby die. "What I refuse to let happen is him finding out you helped me get away, and doing something to hurt you"

"What about me, eh? What about me? You'll go back to fucking Swansea, and leave me here? And then what? After what you said, after what I said? Does that mean absolutely nothing?" Ada spat, in a tone that surprised Gigi. She sounded beyond cross, she sounded furious, betrayed. "Fuck, I sound like a teenager. I sound like a brat"

"You don't, actually. You sound like I want to sound, and you're saying what I want to say" Gigi admitted, lowering her eyes to their intertwined fingers. "I don't want to go, and it's absolutely my fault that we're in this situation. I should never have come here"

"Don't say that, that's not true and you know it" Ada responded, dismissing those hurtful words. "We would never have met if you hadn't come, and I would've never fallen for you"

"Well yes, but this? This situation we're in? I can't... Ada, I can't give you anything but trouble. I want to, I desperately want to give you the world, settle into a little cottage in the middle of the Brecon Beacons and kiss you every day for the rest of my life, play with your kids, go get wood for our fireplace, sleep by your side... but I can't. You've a business, you've a job, and your brother would never let us have a normal life" Gigi confessed, with tears gathering at the corner of her eye. "Believe me, I want to be with you, more than anything in this world..." 

Ada never knew how that sentence would end, because she found herself moving forward to kiss Gigi as hard as she could, knocking the oxygen right out of both their lungs. Gigi kissed back, fueled by the energy she'd gained in the last hour, and by the absolute pleasure of feeling her beloved's lips on her, her tongue in her mouth. Out of the blue, but as welcome as sunshine after a rainy day, Ada moved so that her body could be on top of Gigi's, deepening the kiss, destroying any awareness of the outside world. Polly was long gone, reading the room as one she didn't belong in any longer, so they were alone, and free to get rid of their clothes, carelessly throwing them on the floor, anxious to feel closer. 

[whatdoesshedotothem]

Saturday 15 June 1833

6 25

1 10

very fine and F56° at 6 25 at my desk at 7 25 – settling 1 thing or other – breakfast at 9 50 in ½ hour – then at my desk – interrupted about an hour at noon by S. Washington – Mrs. Walsh does not take in any part of the old road but there really are 1110 yards scale-hole – he agreed 6d. a yard for more than its worth – but said she asked 1/. – would advise I think my giving £30 for the whole – left him to do this – and left him much too his discretion but to say if we could not agree he was to take the wall down put up boundary stones after walling my own ground off at the low end, and leave her to make what she could of her land – if she takes £30, her son aet. 17 is to sign – tho’ legally of no use, his own handwriting will be valued with him as a man of principle – wished he might agree for £30 – told him to keep in his hands £100 for the museum and the rest for current expense there will be about £50 which he thought would be enough to pay Mrs. Walsh and all – so that there will be nothing to put into the bank – at 1st desired the £100 to be lodged in my name at Briggs’ – then changed this, but hinted at Mr. Rawsons’ indiscretion about the letter of credit and my not being pleased about it – did not say I would change my banker – but if I do SW- will not be surprised – Pickels wants 50/. for making the bit about Whiskam pond into land – he told me he thought it would be worth 40/. – I did not name this to SW- told him not to let the Hopwood lane fields under £14. - Gave  him £6.16 to pay Kendell for the chiffonier - in my hurry gave him the full amount tho’ 7/. allowed for discount - the chiffonier arrived this afternoon and John and I took it out of the case - it is very nearly and suits the dark between the drawing rooms windows very well – wrote to Messrs. Delisle and co. and to Mr. Lister about the water level agreement – sent him Mr. Parkers’ copy of it – all settled at last – with these several interruptions at my accounts till 6 5 but brought down cashbook to the last payment belonging to it of today – that I can leave all those bills at home and settle private and travelling D. books at my leisure – I shall be sadly hurried – have all my papers to put up – dinner at 6 20 in 20 minutes and then packing writing box etc. till 9 ½ - then downstairs till off at 11 ½ - had to wait above ¼ hour at the Swan – mail full inside and out – John and I walked back again – back at 12 ½ and got into bed as fast as I could – great deal of heavy rain during the day but fine night after 8 p.m. – sent John at 7 p.m. with my letter to ‘Messrs. Delisle Janvrin and Delisle London post paid’ and with my letter to ‘John Lister Esquire Swansea Glamorgan line’ -