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psychovigilantewrites · 5 years ago

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Don’t Call Me That Pt. 2

Wordcount: 10,129

A/N: I thought this part 2 would total up to 10k words, but when it hit 10k, I realised that I was only about 65 percent done. So based on the responses I got from tumblr, I decided to publish this first and then conclude the story later on!

TW: mentions of r*pe, mentions of torture, mentions of drugging someone (??) , mental breakdowns, vulnerability, descriptions of anxiety

Also, HERE’S MY FAV MEMES!! I’m so sorry that I can’t tag respective meme creators, because I saved them on my phone and some of them I forgot to include your usernames!! I’M SO SORRY!!! And honest to god is wear there were more but i must have lost them im so sorry im so incompetent lmao

memeesss

You glanced at your phone.

It had already been a week in Hawaii with your friends, and Jason still hadn’t texted you.

Well, you should have expected it, really. Jason was a traumatised, mentally ill man who had been locked away for two years.

Of course he wouldn’t text you first.

You had contemplated texting him over the past few days, typing in an array of messages ranging from a simple “hey” to a whole paragraph, and deleting all of it without hitting send. Did he even switch the phone on? Was he surfing the internet? Or was the phone still there on the shelf where you had left it.

It was driving you crazy.

“Do you have a boyfriend we don’t know about?” a voice called.

You looked up and squinted at the man who was standing up, looking down at you. You were sitting on the beach, a little further away from the ocean where your friends were.

“What are you talking about?” you asked as Alex plopped down next to you.

“You’ve been fidgety the whole time,” he pointed out, combing back his dark shoulder length hair with his fingers, getting sand in them. “We’re on a private beach, and you’ve been fussing over your phone. Who are you talking to?”

“No one,” you grumbled truthfully.

“The girls have been gossiping,” he gestured to the two other girls playing in the water. Your closest friends. It was four of you in that inseparable group.

“Of course they have,” you groaned, “Tell them to SAY IT TO MY FACE, COWARDS!”

You shouted at them, earning you grins and middle fingers from the distance.

“They’re saying you’re in love with someone,” he chuckled, “But they always say stupid shit like that without any evidence. But sometimes, a girl’s intuition is just right, ya know?”

“Stop beating around the bush, Alex,” you rolled your eyes at him despite knowing he couldn’t see past your sunglasses. “No, I’m not in love. I’m just waiting for a text that might never come.”

“Why don’t you text him first?”

“Because it’s not as simple as that!” you flailed your arms, “He’s… complicated. I can’t just text him anything.”

“Girl, unless he’s Mr. Nottingham, or related to you, then it really isn’t that complicated,” he joked.

“Ugh,” you groaned again, falling back onto the cloth you spread out. “Fine. I’ll text him.”

“Atta girl,” Alex grinned, “I’m gonna head back in the water. Join us after. Please?”

“Yeah, yeah,” you waved.

Opening the text window for what had to be the thirtieth time, you finally decided to text him.

You: Miss me yet?

Staring intently at the small ‘sent’ below your message bubble, you waited for it to turn to ‘delivered’.

“Yes!” you hissed. It meant that Jason had indeed switched on the phone.

But after twenty minutes you realised that it didn’t matter if Jason switched on the phone if he didn’t want to talk to you. Cursing to yourself, you decided to join your friends in the water, hoping it’ll distract you from checking your phone every five minutes for a text message that might never come.

After an hour of actually spending time with your friends, all four of you returned to the villa, your mood elevated. Checking your phone, you could have jumped for joy when you saw not one, but four consecutive texts in a row.

Jason: Duck off. Jason: What the duck Jason: WHY CANT I SAY DUCK Jason: I DUCKING HATE THIS

You couldn’t let out a string of giggles.

“Oooh, lover boy texted you back, huh?” Alex peeked over your shoulder. “Gimme, I wanna mess with him.”

He snatched your phone from your hands, surprisingly swift and smooth for a civilian, raising it way above his head so you couldn’t reach it and opened the camera.

“Alex-!”

He threw his other arm over your shoulder and pulled you into his bare chest, crushing you before you could tackle him down. He snapped a picture and sent it.

You froze in horror.

“Why the hell did you do that?!” you yelled.

“Relax, I was just messing around,” he gave your phone back to you.

“You don’t- you don’t understand, you fucking asshole!” you screamed.

“I- I’m sorry,” Alex stuttered, surprised by your reaction. “I was just-”

“Fuck off!” you snapped.

Panicking, you saw the little notification below the picture turning from Received to Read.

No. No, no, no, no.

This was bad.

You didn’t want to overwhelm Jason by sending him photos of your activities, thinking that he might react badly to the sudden surplus of familiarity and sense of being close to someone. Now you were worried that he might start to push you away in fear, reverting back to how he was before, and months of progress would have been all for nothing.

He would probably start swearing at you, or worse- switch off the phone and reject any form of communication completely. You hurriedly texted a reply.

You: I’m so sorry! I didn’t send that, my friend was just messing around.

Expecting the worst, you braced yourself for the inevitable. Instead, he sent you:

Jason: Who the hell is that guy?? Jason: Why are you in your underwear??

Your mouth hung open as you stared in shock at the screen. Because you took so long to recover from the shock, he sent you another message.

Jason: ???

Snapping out of it, you texted back.

You: That’s just my friend. Sorry about that! And I’m not in my underwear, it’s a bikini! I’m in Hawaii.

You waited for him to reply, but ten minutes of you sitting anxiously on the turquoise sofa in the middle of the villa listening to the waves of the beach outside from the open doors passed by, and he still hadn’t.

Perhaps he’s busy- wait. There’s no way Jason would be busy. You tried to coax him into a conversation.

You: You can turn off your autocorrect if you want to swear without hassle. Go to your Keyboard settings.

You plopped your phone on the empty seat next to you and dried your hair.

“Ugh, come on!” complained Natalie, fully clothed and washed, walking towards the open concept kitchen from her room. “You’re getting sand everywhere!”

“Woops, my bad,” you grinned.

“There’s a shower outside on the porch for a reason you know,” she flipped her blond beach waves at you, looking through the fridge.

Alex stood quietly at the kitchen island, now scared to say anything.

You rolled your eyes. “Just don’t do it again.”

“Okay, I promise!” he grinned.

Ding.

Jason: fuck. fuck. fucking fuck. Jason: found it. You: Proud of you, man.

You went to your room and showered, then dried off and put on fresh clothes while waiting for Jason to reply.

Of course, he never did.

Groaning, you had to remind yourself that he was not used to human interaction, and texting would come unnaturally to him. Which meant that you had to be the one to keep the conversation going.

You: Do anything interesting since I left?

You saw him typing almost immediately this time.

Jason: no.

Of course not.

You: Have you been eating properly? Jason: yeah.

God, it was so difficult. You were in the middle of typing something when he replied again.

Jason: yoire not my mom Jason: yoire Jason: YOIRE Jason: FUCK WHY CANR I TYPE

You felt guilty for laughing, but you did anyway.

You: Now that you switched off autocorrect, it won’t correct your typos and misspells anymore. Jason: i fucking knw that. Ive been gone for two yeard not twenty. You: Then why do you sound like a grandpa? Jason: BECAISE YOU GAVE ME A FUCKINF IPHONE!! I USED AN ANDROID!!

Now you were really laughing out loud, so you sent him a GIF of a woman rolling her eyes.

Jason: wtf you can send gifs throug text now?? You: Welcome to 2020, my dude. Jason: im not your fucking dude

Typing a reply, Jason interrupted you once again.

Jason: teach me how to do that

Smiling widely, you found that you couldn’t wait for the next week to pass by so you could go back and see him.

***

“How’s Jason?” you asked the minute you reached the Cave computers, panting from the run down.

“Wow, hello to you, too,” Dick chuckled, spinning towards you on the wheeled chair.

It was a Sunday afternoon, and Bruce and Dick were in front of the computers, discussing a case that had connections to Bludhaven Police Department.

Gone for two weeks, you had a lot to catch up on.

“According to Alfred, he’s doing well,” Bruce answered, “Even started to ask for seconds last week. Now Alfred has been making portions for two.”

“He asked? For seconds?” you gasped. “How?”

“He left a note on the tray two days after you left. He’s been making meal requests, too. Texts Alfred in the morning to let him know.”

“Texted?!”

“Alfred slipped his number on the tray in case Jason wanted anything specific.”

“I slipped mine as well, but he hasn’t texted me yet,” Dick pouted.

“When did he start texting?” you ignored Dick.

“Last Sunday.”

So the same day you started texting him, then.

“He hasn’t texted me,” Dick sighed, looking dejected like a kid who was told Disneyland blew up.

“He’ll come around, Dick,” you offered him a smile, “I mean- he’s already texting Alfred!”

“Yeah,” he lamented.

“Okaaay, nice talk. I’m gonna go see him now, bye.”

You ran to the box, but stopped right before you opened the internal door. After checking your hair with your phone camera, you tried to stifle the butterflies in your stomach.

Ugh, you were so fucked.

Taking a deep breath, you knocked on the door.

“Yeah,” Jason’s muffled grunt answered you.

Pushing it open, your eyes immediately went to the bed only to find that he wasn’t lounging around reading a book like you expected. Instead, your mouth dropped open when you saw him on the floor, doing push ups.

Shirtless.

Jason had changed drastically during the two weeks you were gone. You noticed that he had definitely gained weight, as well as muscle mass.

“Uh, wh-what are you..?”

He stood up, and you swore your heart skipped a beat.

His muscles were much more prominent and defined now, and he looked like he was going to achieve Dick’s physique if he kept it up for another month or two.

“Welcome back,” he simply said before taking gulps from a water bottle you definitely had not seen before.

“Thanks,” you walked over and sat on his bed, “I’m glad to see that you decided to start taking care of yourself again.”

“What, this? This isn’t for me.”

“Huh?” you cocked your head in curiosity.

“I�� I lost a lot of muscle mass. My body- it isn’t how it used to be,” he frowned, “And I can’t have you lusting over it when it’s not at its peak.”

“What- what do you-?” you stammered, suddenly getting hot.

Jason merely smirked and then continued his push ups.

You watched as his developing muscles rippled, a thin layer of sweat making his skin glisten in the light. It was amazing how he had progressed so much in such a short period of time. You guessed that he must have just been occupying his days by working out.

No wonder he’s been asking for seconds.

“Enjoying the view?” Jason breathed, pausing with his arms straightened, his head angled upwards towards you.

“No, shut up,” you looked away.

“Here, be useful,” he started, “Sit on my back.”

“What?”

“I’ve gotten used to my own body weight, I need extra resistance,” he elaborated, “Come on, sit on my back.”

“But it’s all sweaty,” you whined, pretending to protest. Definitely pretending- for the sake of your own dignity.

You got up and went over towards him anyway.

Carefully, awkwardly, you sat on his back as you would a park bench. You rested your palms flat against his sticky skin to stabilise yourself. Suddenly, he dipped down without warning, earning a soft squeal from you.

“Fuck, you’re heavy,” he strained, but continued to do the push ups. He was shakier, struggling with the weight, and after twenty-five, he paused. “Okay, I think I’m done.”

But before you had the chance to get off him, he suddenly stood up, throwing you off his back to have you fall on the floor on your ass.

“Jason, you assho-” you clapped your hand over your mouth, realising what you had just said.

Oh, no. Oh, fuck.

He stood towering over you, his jaw clenching as he stared you down with his cold, blue eyes.

“I’m so sorry! I forgot! It was a reflex and-”

“Whatever. I don’t care anymore,” he rolled his eyes, reaching for his bottle.

You blinked. Then scrambled to your feet.

“You don’t care anymore?” you repeated slowly.

“I don’t care if you call me that,” he huffed.

That made your heart swell and melt at the same time.

“I got used to your voice,” he mumbled, expression changing as he looked away. He frowned, as if he was angrily staring at a distant object.

You had just guessed that he didn’t like to be called his name because of a sense of familiarity, but now you were thinking that there was much more to that than what you had originally thought.

“So, I can call you… Jason?” you tested.

“Yeah, call me whatever you want,” he sat on his bed, looking up at you.

You smiled, thankful that you had finally crossed that bridge. “You know, I could get some workout stuff for you? Weights, bands, that bar thing that you can put at your door frame for pull ups…”

“You’d like to see that, huh?” he smirked.

“You flatter yourself too much,” you scoffed.

“How was Hawaii?” he changed the subject all of a sudden.

“It was fun. Beach was great, locals were great, loved the vibe- what are you doing?”

Jason had stood back up and started to walk closer and closer to you, getting all up in your space like a predator finally cornering its prey. You kept on taking steps back until your ass hit the edge of the desk.

Nowhere else to run, your heart started hammering. He leaned in, his hands resting on the desk on either side of your body, trapping you against the table and himself. You looked up and gulped. You could almost feel the heat radiating from his bare skin.

“Are you afraid of me?” he muttered lowly.

“Why would I be afraid of you?” you whispered.

“You tell me,” he said.

“Well, I’m not afraid of you,” you stated.

“Oh really?” he raised an eyebrow. Then, you felt his hand grip your wrist tightly, pressing down on your skin with his fingers. “Your pulse is very fast for someone who’s not afraid of me.”

“It’s because you’re all up in my space!” you argued.

“Didn’t look like you mind when your friend,” he snarled the word, “was all up in your space.”

“My friend? What- oh,” you widen your eyes in realisation, “You mean Alex.”

“Is that his name?”

“Alex is just a friend, nothing more. He’s just someone I’m close to,” you reassured him.

Which then made you think about why you were reassuring him.

“Oh, you were definitely close to him,” Jason growled.

“Wait- are you… jealous?” a smile creeped your lips.

He scowled at you for a few moments, and you could see the little tics in his expression that said he was annoyed. The flared nostrils, the muscles of his jaw clenching and unclenching, the very slight twitches at the corner of his left eye.

“No,” he finally said, taking a step back from you. “I’m going to shower. Since you couldn’t stop staring at me, the invitation is still open for you to join.”

“You know, I’m starting to think that maybe I prefer it when you were broody instead of this. Please go back to your depressive mental state,” you sarcastically replied.

Jason barked out an actual laugh. Though his laugh was odd, like someone who’s only now discovering that humans were indeed capable of laughter, you found comfort in it. It was no longer hysterical and devoid of humor. He was getting better, learning to embrace a connection with someone, and it made you extremely happy.

“Maybe I should,” he answered with a cheeky glint in his eye, “Then that way you can give me more sponge baths.”

He left you alone in his room, flushed and at a loss for words.

***

“I find it very odd that people would yell ‘Batman!’ when they realise you’re there,” you rambled while climbing out of the Batmobile.

You were absolutely drenched from the downpour that had been going on all night. It was 4 am on a friday night and you had just returned from patrol.

Bruce took off his cowl immediately, revealing tired eyes despite the relatively slow night.

“It’s like they’re saying ‘Look at me! I’m here! Please knock me out or hang me upside down from the-’ Bruce?”

Bruce had stiffen, staring at something behind you. You turned around and was shocked to see Jason in the mid-distance, sitting on the ground outside the black box that was his room, leaning against the cool metal.

He himself was staring intently at Bruce, not even sparing you a glance.

You looked back and forth between the two men, sensing a high tension silent conversation.

Then, Bruce’s eyes relaxed and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards ever so slightly in that hardly-there-Bruce-smile.

He gave Jason one stiff nod of understanding, then walked away to the computers at the other end of the cave, leaving you alone with his son.

Jason relaxed as you walked over to him, wringing your hair to squeeze out all the excess water.

“Aw, you waited up for me,” you teased, standing in front of him with your hands on your hips, grinning away.

“Fuck off,” he snorted, “I was bored.”

You noticed him clenching his jaw as he looked at you from top to bottom, eyes lingering longer on the ‘R’ on your left breast.

Ah, it was his first time seeing you in your uniform.

His uniform.

Suddenly, you felt like an imposter in those colors and had the strong urge to rip the uniform off.

You wanted to say something, but Jason beat you to it.

“There were times in that shit hole where I wanted to burn that uniform off my skin,” he grit, “Kept on thinking to myself. I wish I never became Robin. I wish I never met Bruce Wayne.”

Your heart shattered at his confession. It was extremely rare for him to bring up anything related to his two year torture, and the previous times were never in such detail.

Realising you needed to say something, you opened your mouth. “I’m so-”

“Don’t,” he cut you off, “You don’t have to say anything.”

Yes, sometimes you knew that he just wanted you to listen.

You nodded silently and went to sit next to him on the floor.

“It… suits you,” he forced out.

“Hmm?”

“The uniform. It suits you. More than it ever suited me,” he grumbled.

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I think your ass would look quite nice in green,” you joked, nudging his shoulder with your own.

He chuckled deeply, nudging you back even harder- hard enough for you to lose your balance and topple sideways, earning another breathy laugh from Jason.

***

Another month passed by, and you found yourself falling deeply for Jason- much to your dismay. You knew Jason wasn’t ready for any kind of intense emotions, and that it would take a very long time before he was.

So you swallowed your emotions down, stifling them and hoping it would go away.

The two of you had developed a pleasant friendship, often bickering and joking around, with Jason teasing you about your obvious physical attraction to him.

He also now occasionally waited outside his cube for you to come back after patrol, never really venturing too far from it, and still avoiding contact with both Bruce and Dick. Only you and Alfred had the privilege to speak to him.

Even then, sometimes you would visit his room but only getting a “I’m not feeling it today. Please leave.”

Understandingly, you would nod silently and leave him alone. You knew he still had his bad days, sometimes not eating his meals.

But mostly, he was getting better, both mentally and physically.

With nothing much to do the whole day, Jason was now obsessed with working out and bulking up. He now had a few simple equipment in his room- mostly weights.

You figured that it was a coping mechanism for him, a healthy outlet to channel all his rage and negative emotions into.

But come on. He was getting even hotter and it was making it extremely difficult for you to stop yourself from checking him out, fantasizing about him when he wasn’t around. Still, you couldn’t complain. Even though he hadn’t reached Dick’s size yet, he was very near to it, and his naturally bigger body frame and build made up for the still developing muscles.

Hell, he was now sporting a six pack.

But you knew that he was still not as well as you hoped he would be. The bloodshot eyes he had was proof that he doesn’t sleep well- and you soon found out why.

It was a little past midnight on your night off from patrol, and you were using your break in the best way you could think of- by sleeping. Something woke you up that night.

A soft knock on your door.

You frowned, eyes still closed, wondering who it was.

Bruce would usually knock twice. Strong, clear, and with purpose. Dick would start pounding rapidly on your door, annoying you intentionally. Alfred would give three soft knocks followed by a ‘Miss?’

Your eyes flew open. There was only one other person in the manor.

Throwing your covers aside, you jumped out of bed and rushed to the door to open it.

Jason stood outside your door in the dim lights of the hallway, frowning and running his fingers nervously through his messy dark hair. He was wearing a t-shirt with boxers, standing awkwardly.

“Jason?” you hated how your voice sounded so sleepy. You cleared your throat. “Are you okay? Would you like to come in?”

He nodded silently, and you made way for him to enter before closing the door behind you.

“Sit on the bed,” you told him while jumping back into yours, sitting up cross legged.

The bed dipped when he sat on it, copying your motion and crossed his legs.

You waited for him to say something, your eyes straining to catch his in the dark. But he just remained silent, staring into space and avoiding your eyes.

“How did you know this was my room?” you asked, starting with a light topic.

“Only one that was locked. I already know where everyone else sleeps,” he explained.

“That’s right,” you realised, “I tend to forget that you’re probably even more familiar with the manor than I am.”

“Did you know there’s an old dumbwaiter in Bruce’s room?” you saw him smirk from the shadows that was casted on his face, “I used to hide in there, waiting to catch him off guard.”

“What? Why?”

“Dick and I, we had a bet,” he recalled the memory, “Whoever gets to surprise Bruce first would owe the other a special favor. Only rule was that we had to have it on video as proof.”

You appreciated that moment, the first time he ever spoke about both Dick and Bruce as a fond memory.

“I won, by the way,” he continued, “But- I forgot to press record on my phone.”

“Oh, no,” you groaned for him.

“Yeah, and Dick refused to believe me,” he chuckled, “That old man didn’t want to admit it either. But I swear- the look on his face when I jumped out while he and some model were going at it- priceless.”

Your jaw dropped, and then you burst into a fit of laughter, tears filling your eyes.

“You- you- you jumped out on him while he was having sex?!” you squealed.

“Yeah,” he grinned, “I didn’t even care that it sort of scarred me, because I managed to catch Batman off guard.”

The both of you laughed, his deep voice mingling with your own on that quiet night.

“I’m glad you’re here, Jason,” you smiled warmly at him.

But then, his smile fell.

“I hate my name now.”

“I’m sorry,” you began, “You said it was okay to call you that, so I-”

“No, it’s fine,” he started running his fingers through his hair again, “It’s just- I don’t know.”

“You can tell me anything,” you reassured, “It won’t leave this room. I promise.”

He looked at you, worry in his eyes. “Okay. Fine. Yeah.”

You waited for him to begin.

He took a deep breath. “I’ve been having nightmares. Almost every night. It’s always the same one.”

“You want to tell me about it?” you prompted him after waiting for him to continue.

“I hate my name because he said it a lot. Joker,” he scowled, “After repeatedly burning my skin for my name, it’s like that’s all he said. In that annoying, high pitched, sing-song voice of his. Jason, Jason, Jason. It made me hate my name. It made me hate hearing it.”

“I- I didn’t know how much time passed when I was in there,” he continued, “But, fuck. It was- it was hell. And the worst part was that I kept on waiting for Bruce. Waiting and hoping for him to find me and save me. I was so desperate. You- I-”

He choked on his words. His eyes were squeezed shut and his lips tight.

You wanted to reach out to him, hug him, tell him that everything was okay now. But you didn’t. You waited for him to collect himself so he could finish telling you his story, just like how he wanted to.

“Anyway, I- despite all that,” he sighed, “That was the only thing that kept me sane. I kept on clinging onto the hope that he was out there, searching. And that helped for a while. Until- until that happened.”

He was breathing heavily now, fidgeting more. Jason was definitely getting increasingly agitated the deeper he went.

“Fuck,” he breathed, “Fuck.”

The moment you realised he was crying was when he let out a sniffle. You automatically took his hand in yours, squeezing it as a form of comfort.

“It’s okay,” you told him, “You don’t have to tell me if you’re not ready.”

“No,” he shook his head, “I need to. I have to. I can’t take this anymore. Keeping everything in, I feel like I’m about to fucking explode.”

“Okay, then take it slow,” you said, “No rush. Anytime you’re ready.”

He nodded, eyes still closed, as if he was afraid of letting you see him cry.

“One night,” he began, “I think- I don’t know what was different- but I think something went wrong for him. Or right? That’s how it was. Tormenting me was fun, but it was also an outlet for him. But at the same time when he was happy, he also tortured me. He came to me, and- injected me with some sort of drug. That never happened before. He made sure that my head was clear whenever he hurt me so that I could feel everything he did.”

“But- he did- and- immediately, I felt weak,” he continued, “I mean, I was already weak. But my head. It was cloudy. I remember everything clearly, but it was like my brain couldn’t process it, couldn’t communicate with my body. I felt like I was looking out through a window that was my eyes- like I was in someone else’s body, experiencing someone else’s moments.”

“He released me,” Jason’s voice was now barely a whisper. “He released me from the ropes, and I fell to the floor. And then he- he- fuck.”

He let go of your hand and started pulling at his hair, rocking back and forth on your bed. He was sobbing now, his shoulders jerking up in sharp intakes of breaths. The only thing you could do was to stay silent and hold back your own tears.

You rested your hand on his knee, giving him a textile connection with reality so he doesn’t fall into his own thoughts.

“You- he- he- ruh- ruhp-”

Your heart sank to your stomach in horror as you realised what Jason was trying to say. It was as if you were plunged into icy water, chills running down your spine at the true revelation of what he had gone through in that cursed cell.

“Oh, no,” you breathed.

“He pushed me down,” he choked, “Pushed me down and climbed on top. I- I couldn’t even fight him. I was- I was conscious the whole time and I knew what was happening, but I couldn’t fucking do anything.”

Your tears were falling down now, both at the sight of Jason looking so vulnerable and fragile, and at his confession. Not being able to help yourself, you threw your arms over his neck and crashed into his hard body, burying your face in the crook of his shoulder.

His arms immediately wrapped around you, clutching you so hard it was painful as he buried his own face into your shoulder.

“And he kept on saying my name,” he said in muffled cries, “Jason, Jason, Jason. The whole fucking time. And- and I knew. He didn’t do it for pleasure. He did it to torment me. He- he didn’t even- he didn’t even finish.”

Jason sobbed into your skin for the next few minutes, his tears soaking through your night shirt. “But I did. Even though it was painful. Fuck, the pain was worse than anything he had ever done to me before. But- he- I- I fucking came.”

The both of you were sobbing now, his ragged breaths mingling together with your own on that quiet night.

His grip on you was tight, as if he thought that if he let go, you would disappear. So he clung onto you with all his might to keep you there with him as he recalled the horrific events.

“That's what broke me. I was so disgusted with myself. I hated myself. And he- he saw everything and- and laughed. He laughed so hard, I thought he was going to choke and die. I’ve never seen him laugh like that. And I remember every single fucking moment of being helpless on that fucking floor while he- fuck. Fuck.”

“And then he left. He left me on the floor bleeding and I never saw him again. And I went fucking insane. I tried to kill myself so many fucking times. So many times, I lost count. That’s what I dream about every night. His laughs, and his ‘Jason, Jason, Jason’.”

And that was that. That was the story.

The end of Jason Todd.

The both of you cried long and hard that night in each other’s arms. Eventually, you both lied down on the pillows together, underneath the covers.

“Please don’t tell Bruce,” he whispered to you.

Your head was on his chest, his big arms wrapped around your waist, your legs tangled with his.

You smiled at that. Even with the trauma, even with the sense of abandonment he felt, he still wanted to protect Bruce from knowing the truth.

Because the both of you knew that the truth would kill him.

“I promise,” you whispered back.

And then the both of you fell asleep together.

***

“Has Jason been sleeping in your room with you?” Bruce asked you on one fine Saturday morning at breakfast.

It had been about a week and a half since the first time Jason knocked on your door and poured out his feelings to you.

“He gets nightmares,” you tried to explain.

He thought that if he told you everything, the nightmares would stop. But it didn’t. But he then realised that the only thing that made it better was sleeping by your side, having someone there to wake him up from living his own hell in a loop.

“And do the two of you… Just sleep?” Bruce frowned.

“Yes!” you widen your eyes in horror at the insinuation. “Bruce! Come on!”

“I know you have feelings for him, and I’m sure he does for you as well. But I don’t think something like that is what Jason needs right now,” he stated.

“Yes, I know!” you groaned at the thought having that kind of conversation with him, “Jesus, Bruce. I know. I’m just there to wake him up or help him fall back asleep. Nothing more.”

Bruce nodded, deep in thought. “Has he… told you? About what happened?”

You pursed your lips. “Yes.”

“You’re not going to tell me?”

“No.”

“Hmm,” his frown went deeper. “I understand. He will tell me when he is ready.”

“Exactly,” you smiled, hiding the fact that Jason may never tell Bruce what happened. Never the full story.

“He still hasn’t left the manor?”

“No,” you sighed, “I asked him if he wanted some fresh air. Just outside the main door, not even going down the steps. But he refused. Told me to, and I quote, ‘Fuck off’.”

“Well, he’s only just left the cave, and it’s just to your room,” Bruce thought out loud, “It’s still progress. Especially since he’s been talking to you about the past.”

“He only spoke about it one time,” you said, “And then never again.”

“I see,” he hummed, “And you’re okay with him sleeping with you?”

“Next to me, Bruce, sleeping next to me,” you corrected.

“Yes, and you’re okay with that?”

“Yeah, it’s all good,” you assured him, “I can kick him out any time I want- but I don’t want to. He looks like a lost puppy sometimes.”

“An angry lost puppy.”

You chuckled at that and couldn’t agree more.

*** While Jason got the sleep he needed when he was next to you, it was counterproductive on your end. You had never been with anyone before, and definitely had not slept on the same bed with another man.

So to feel his body heat and breaths against your skin, his occasional light snores, it made your mind go on hyperdrive.

Most of the time, the two of you would just lie down, your back against his front, or your backs against each other, or both on your backs just staring at the ceiling- and talked. You would be the one talking the most, of course, about anything you could think of. You would tell him about your day, your patrols, something you read about online, or the current news.

But that one particular night during week three of him sleeping next to you, the two of you were silent. It wasn’t an awkward or uncomfortable silence, but the kind of silence that was pleasant and was better described as a peaceful quiet.

You had your back pressed against his front and his arm was lazily draped over your waist. It was a cold night, and you were wearing just a tank top and pyjama shorts, snuggling under the covers that went up all the way to your nose.

Shifting a bit while snuggling comfortably, you pressed yourself against Jason’s body to get more of his heat. But then, you were met with something poking against your lower back.

“Ngh, please ignore that,” Jason huffed.

Oh.

For some reason, you forgot that Jason was a physically healthy male who was capable of having sexual thoughts and feelings. All this while, you thought you were the only one.

“Are you- uh- is that- uh-” you stuttered, feeling your face flush with heat.

Feeling your body suddenly alert with excitement.

“Yes, it’s my fucking penis,” he grit almost angrily, “What, never heard of an erection before?”

“Of course I have!” you argued rather defensively, “It’s just- I’m surprised, that’s all.”

“Why?” he demanded, “You didn’t think I could get it up or something?”

“No, of course not!” you denied, “It just didn’t cross my mind, that’s all.”

A pause. Then-

“Well,” he sighed, “You wouldn’t have been wrong.”

Your mind blanked for a second.

“What do you mean?” you asked softly.

“It’s my- fuck- it’s my first time,” he confessed.

“Your first time getting an erection?” you gasped.

“No, you idiot,” he snapped, “It’s my first time getting hard since… since… then.”

Oh. Oh, you were an idiot.

“It’s just- after that- even when I was downstairs, alone and safe, I- I couldn’t,” he told you, “I kept on thinking back to that time and- and I couldn’t. I found it disgusting.”

And immediately, like someone doused you in cold water, any feeling of horniness you had when you first felt his erection against you disappeared. You just felt so sad for him, but also angry. Angry that he had to go through all of that, and angrier that there was nothing you could do about it.

“So, why do you think you’re getting it now?” you asked. Perhaps talking about it in an objective manner would help guide him through his thought process.

“Are you kidding me?” he scoffed, “You’re fucking pressing your ass against my dick, what did you think would happen?”

“Wait, what?” your eyes widen, “You’re hard because of me?”

“No shit,” he said, “You’re hardly wearing any clothes, too.”

You shouldn’t feel happy due to the circumstance and context, but there you were ecstatic that he found you attractive enough to pop a boner after so long.

“Fuck,” he sighed, suddenly pressing himself closer to you.

His hand that draped over your waist when to actually grip it. Then, then, he grinded his hard on against your ass.

“Mmm,” he rumbled deeply, “Feels good.”

There. That was it. You were once again flooded with the feeling of heat that pooled at your stomach, a tingling sensation started at your core. Feeling hot despite the low temperature of the night, you clenched your thighs together, needing the slight pressure.

“Yeah?” you whispered.

“Yeah,” he grinded on you again, and then unexpectedly let out a chuckle.

“What is it?” you smiled, loving it whenever you heard him laugh.

“I thought… For the longest time, I thought I was broken. That he broke me,” he revealed, “I thought I needed to get all Wingardium Leviosa on this little fucker.”

“Oh my God,” you laughed and groaned at the same time, “You’re so fucking embarassing.”

He laughed along with you and continued. “But now I’m hard and- and horny. You made me feel like I’m normal again. Like I’m sixteen again, and getting horny over everything.”

Sometimes, we take the normal things for granted. Food, shelter, clothes. In this case, it was a goddamned boner. In a way, Jason’s erection was symbolic- however funny it sounded. Getting your sexual appetite and need back after being so traumatised was a massive leap for many people who had experienced the same thing.

It meant that Jason was healing well.

“Does that make you happy?” you asked.

“Not particularly,” he admitted, “But I’m definitely not sad either.”

“That’s good enough for now, then,” you beamed.

“Yeah,” he breathed.

Another few moments of silence. You could feel it, his cock pushing into you. However tempted you were to push back and grind, you held yourself still.

“Uh, Jason?” you voiced.

“Yeah.”

“Do you want to like, take care of it?” you asked, “I mean. My bathroom is available. Or- there are many empty rooms.”

“No,” he simply stated.

“No?”

“No.”

“It’s kinda poking into me.”

“Just ignore it.”

“Ignore it?” you gaped, “How can I ignore it? You’re literally pressing it into my ass.”

“Well, then do you want to take care of it?” he teased.

You couldn’t argue back. “Fine, I’ll ignore it.”

He chuckled. “I’ll turn around.”

When he made the movement, you suddenly grabbed him by the wrist. “No, it’s fine. Stay here.”

You expected him to tease you like he usually would, make a crass comment, or even a ‘fuck off’.

Instead, he wrapped his arms around you again in silence, and the both of you drifted to sleep.

***

“Do you think this color suits me?” Natalie asked, holding up a floral red dress.

The four of you were at the mall in Diamond District. Now that high school was over, and everyone would be going off to separate colleges in a few months, you tried to spend time with each other as much as you could.

“Any color suits you, Nat,” you rolled your eyes, “You’re hot stuff.”

“Jesus, it’s like you’re shoving it in our faces at this point,” Sarah added, flipping her brunette hair to the side, tight curls flowing down.

“Aw, you guys,” Nat pretended to tear up, “I’m gonna miss you guys so much!”

“Not again,” Alex groaned, “We’ve been through this so many times.”

“I’m gonna be so miserable without you guys,” Natalie continued on, ignoring Alex’s interruption.

“I don’t know,” Sarah shrugged, “I think I’d enjoy New York. I can have pizza parties with the rats in my overpriced apartment.”

You chuckled at Sarah’s joke. Everyone was leaving Gotham except you. Deciding to continue with Robin, you opted for Gotham University- prestigious, old, and most importantly, close to home.

Your phone dinged in your pocket. You opened it to find texts from Dick.

Dick: OH MY GOD. Dick: I’m at the Manor. Dick: Was going to the Cave gym to work out. Dick: AND Dick: JASON IS HERE!!! WHAT DO I DO?!?!

That was new. Jason would usually just use whatever basic equipment he had in his room to work out. The fact that he was at the Cave’s sparring area where all the other fancier work out equipment were was out of the ordinary.

You: Just go. See if he reacts. If he suddenly stiffens and just stay there not doing anything, then leave. If he continues on, then it’s okay to stay- but don’t initiate anything! Dick: OKOKOK

You waited anxiously for Dick’s update. All four of you were now walking towards the food court, but you hardly listened to their bickering. Forty-five minutes passed before Dick texted you again.

Dick: OMG HE TALKED TO ME You: What did he say? Dick: He asked me to pass him his towel. You: That’s all he said? Dick: IT’S PROGRESS OKAY!!

Dick was right. It meant that Dick was now the third person Jason had spoken to. Adding another person to his list of contacts was definitely progress.

You were happy for him.

You:Is he still there? Dick: Nah he left Dick: But WOW he’s looking good. He must have been really going at it. I think he might get bigger than me soon You: All he does now is work out. He’s obsessed. Dick: Yeah I can tell

You decided to leave it at that for now and try to concentrate on your friends, but Dick sent another message.

Dick: ARE YOU TWO HAVING SEX?!?!

You spat out your drink, earning weird looks from everyone.

You: DICK!!!! WTF NO!!

Dick never replied.

***

“Can I ask you for a favor?” Jason asked, his voice breaking the silence of your dark room. The two of you were on your bed, lying down and staring at the ceiling.

“Of course,” you said. It didn’t matter to you what Jason asks for. He hardly ever asked for anything.

“Could you… Take me out tomorrow?” he requested, “If you’re not doing anything else, that is.”

“Uh, sure!” you nodded, surprised. “Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere,” he shrugged, “It doesn’t matter.”

“Yeah, okay,” you hesitated, “But- are you sure? I mean, you don’t have to go so far so quickly. Maybe you should start with just going to the backyard?”

“No, I’ll be fine,” he insisted. “I’m not a kid.”

“Okay then,” you agreed. “Tomorrow.”

You kept on glancing anxiously at him the next day as he climbed into the passenger seat of your car. He was quiet, but looked perfectly fine.

Switching the engine on, you drove out of the garage and out the large automatic gates. Trees soon surrounded the lonely road on both sides as you descended downhill into town.

“So where are we going?” he asked.

“I thought Robinson Park would be nice,” you said. It was around three in the afternoon, yet Gotham was dark as though the day was ending. It was cloudy, skies grey and wind blowing.

“You’re taking me to a park?” he scoffed.

“It’s more quiet than anywhere else,” you reasoned with him, “Less people. Spacious. Lots of greenery.”

“Whatever.”

Reaching the parking space of the park, you noticed that there were a few cars. Mothers and nannies liked to bring children out to the park around that time. Joggers and teens, college students and retired elderly seeking a little escape from the high rise buildings of concrete and glass.

You turned the engine off and proceeded to open the door, only then noticing Jason stiffening. Looking over to him, you saw that his eyebrows were pulled down in a deep frown, his jaw clenched, his hands in fists on his knees.

You didn’t say anything or make any comment. Leaning back into your seat, you waited until Jason was ready.

About five minutes passed before he took a deep breath, gave you a nod, and then opened his door.

The two of you walked along a path at the park, going deeper inside and further away from your car. There were a few joggers around, some tourists, and some teens taking photos. You saw a group of kids in the distance playing frisbee, and the others were walking their dogs.

An empty bench stood in the middle of the park, overlooking a clearing. You headed there, Jason following closely behind.

“It’s a bit gloomy today,” you pouted, “As if Gotham could be anything other than that, of course.”

You looked at Jason.

He looked like a scared dog being brought out for the first time.

His jittery knees were bouncing rapidly, his wide eyes were darting at every movement, his forehead was covered with a thin layer of sweat, and his breathing was heavy.

“Woah, woah,” you reached out to him, putting an arm on his back. “It’s okay. I’m here. Just listen to me talk, yeah?”

“Yeah,” he gulped.

“Try to calm your breathing,” you instructed, “Deep breaths, Jason. In… out… In… Out… Yeah, see that’s great.”

“Yeah,” he breathed, now calmer. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you smiled warmly, “You’re doing just fine.”

“No, I’m not,” he strained, “I feel like everything is too big. Too vast. The fucking sky looks like it’s going to crash down on me and at the same time suck me up into a void.”

“And despite all you’re feeling right now, you’re not breaking down or anything, are you?” you tried, “You’re okay, Jason. This is progress.”

“I guess,” he sighed, “I’m just- I’m so used to having four walls and a ceiling. Now everything feels too big.”

“I understand,” you empathized, “Whenever you want to go back, just say the word. Or we can even just go and sit in the car. No problem.”

“Yeah, okay, let’s do that,” he stood up.

The walk back to the car was faster.

“Fuck, I’m so fucking pathetic,” he said, running his fingers through his hair.

“No, you’re not,” you reassured him, “That was great, Jason. Come on, it was your first time outside in two years and a half. Cut yourself some slack.”

“I’m so fucking broken,” he choked.

“Don’t say that,” you scolded, “You’re not broken. And you know what, even if you think you are, we can always fix it. Baby steps. Maybe we can do this once a week. We were out for like, ten minutes? Next week we’ll try fifteen. How’s that sound?”

“Twice a week,” he stated, “I just want to be normal again.”

“Okay, twice a week, then,” you agreed, “We’ll try again in a couple of days, okay?”

“Okay,” he paused, “Thank you.”

“No problemo,” you grinned, “Would you like to stay here a bit longer or shall we go back?”

“Let’s go back.”

“Wanna stop by the diner? You can wait in the car while I ask for a take-away?”

“...okay.”

***

Jason and you had gone out twice more. Once three days after the first time, and the other a week later. The second time he went out, he lasted twenty minutes, though you were sure he was being stubborn on his part. He looked like he was having a heart attack, but he insisted on staying until he hit the twenty minute mark.

The third time, he was much much better. Surprisingly so. The two of you sat down on that bench for half an hour, with you even leaving him alone for a few minutes to get two ice cream cones.

After that, you took him for a drive around the city. He seemed to be more comfortable in the car, so you went all the way from Robinson Park to Diamond District, and back to the manor.

Bruce seemed very pleased with your update, and you swore you could see him actually smile.

“Thank you,” he had told you. “You’ve done more than I could have ever asked of you.”

“It’s no problem, Bruce. Really,” you reassured him.

“I’m his father. He is my responsibility. It’s my fault he’s even in that state. I wish I could do more for him,” he said solemnly.

“The fact that you understand what he needs is more than helpful, Bruce,” you smiled, “Not many parents can do that. You understand and respect him. That’s enough for now.”

He simply nodded.

Ever since your scheduled outings, Jason had become more and more relaxed whenever he was in the manor. He now walked to the kitchen on occasion to mess with Alfred while he cooked meals for him, sometimes sitting in the living room lounging on the couch while reading. Most of the time, though, he was down at the sparring zone of the Cave, working out.

But at night, he would never fail to knock on your door.

And at that particular night, you found yourself in the same situation again while lying down on your side with your back to his front, for the fifth time.

“You officially have to stop calling yourself broken,” you grumbled, “Because that thing poking into my ass is definitely not broken.”

He chuckled lowly. “You complaining, sweetheart?”

Oh, and yes. Jason now had started calling you ‘sweetheart’. Why? You had no clue. It was just a thing that happened. The look on your face when he first slipped it in was probably a sight to behold.

“No shit, I’m complaining, Jason,” you groaned, “You haven’t jerked off, yet? Not even once?”

“Nope,” he popped the P, “I just… I don’t want to… I don’t want to come.”

You sighed, understanding the situation. He had been disgusted with himself because he had ejaculated when Joker… Well, that. You hated to even think about it, so you always shoved the thought away.

“But unfortunately for me, I still get super horny,” he rumbled deeply, pushing his hips into you even more, “So fucking horny.”

“And then I have to suffer,” you complained.

“I can assure you, blue balls are more painful than something poking into you,” he bickered.

“It’s not that…”

“Then?”

“I get horny too, come on man,” you whined, “I’m a hormonal teenage girl. What did you expect?”

“You get horny too?” he whispered after a pause.

“Uh, yeah,” you admitted nervously. Somehow, the mood shifted, and your heart started drumming against your chest.

“Because of me?” he asked.

“Not you specifically, I mean,” you tried to back track, “You’re… Your dick pressing up against me like that, I mean, come on, Jason.”

“Simple question sweetheart,” he told you, “You get horny because of me, yes or no?”

You gulped. “Yes.”

Fuck, why did you say yes? You could have lied. You could have not answered.

“Yeah?” he breathed. You noticed that his hand was now on your hip, right above the waistband of your sleeping shorts, drawing circles onto your skin with his thumb.

You were nervous. The butterflies in your tummy was not helping you calm down.

“Yeah,” you squeezed your eyes shut, as if to protect yourself from anything he had to say.

“Fuck,” he groaned, gripping your hips and grinding his hard on against your ass even more. And did it… Fuck, did it get even harder?

Afraid of saying the wrong thing, and also out of nervousness, you remained silent. Jason’s chest rose and fall against your back, his respiratory rate increasing. His pinky finger slid underneath the waistband, testing the waters before slowly slipping his hand into your pants.

He went in so slowly, as if waiting for you to tell him no, to rip his hand away, to wrench yourself away from him. But you never did, so he went in deeper, caressing the skin beneath your pelvic bone, his heat just burning into you.

“You’re not wearing any underwear,” he commented, voice suddenly husky.

“I don’t wear them to bed,” you informed him.

“You mean to tell me,” he growled, “That all this while I’ve been sleeping next to you and you never had your panties on?”

“It’s more comfortable that way,” you mumbled.

“Jesus Christ,” he cursed. “Thank God I never knew. Would have been torture, and trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”

“Jason,” you gasped.

“It’s true,” he said, “Damn, sweetheart.”

He went lower, closer to your center.

Your core was tingly, small pulses of electricity buzzed through your body as Jason came closer and closer and closer and-

He slipped his hands between your closed thighs and cupped you.

“Mmm,” he moaned softly, “Warm. Fuzzy.”

“Fuzzy?” you laughed, even though you felt like screaming on the inside. Screaming for more.

“Yeah,” he mumbled, burying his face into your nape, taking a deep breath. “You smell nice.”

Oh, shit. You totally forgot about Jason’s aversion to strong smells.

“I’m sorry!” you quickly apologised, “I can switch to an unscented shampoo as well so it wouldn’t be too strong for you.”

“It’s fine,” he said, “I like it on you.”

He ground his hand into your center harder.

“Mmpf, Jay,” you breathed, “What are you doing?”

“I don’t know,” he confessed, “I’ve never touched a girl like this before.”

“Really?” you widen your eyes in surprise.

“I was kept in a cell for two years, I couldn’t exactly talk, let alone touch, anyone can I?” he quipped.

“Right.”

“Teach me,” he said.

“What?” you whispered despite knowing what he meant.

A pause of silence. A deep intake of breath, a slow exhale.

“Teach me how to touch you,” he purred.

Fuck, you felt like exploding.

“Are you sure?” you asked.

“Yes. If you… If you want to.”

Your mind quickly tried to analyse the situation. Bruce had specifically said that Jason didn’t need any complicated matters in the relationship. It made sense. You didn’t want to overwhelm Jason with any confusion or uncertainty.

But at the same time, you’ve been figuring out how Jason thought, bit by bit. He’s told you many times that he just wanted to be normal again, to feel normal, to do normal things. And this was something that was normal, that he should do, that he wanted to do.

And you knew that he probably would take the rejection even worse.

“O-Okay,” you agreed.

Slowly, you separated your thighs, raising the one on top and hooking it over his legs behind you. Due to your shift in position, you felt the minute Jason’s fingers dip slightly into your folds.

“So, uh, this is my first time with a guy as well,” you squeaked, “But I’ll try to guide you.”

You licked your lips.

“Uhm, well, I guess you can start by running a finger up and down between my- oh! Yes, just like that.”

His middle finger slid down to your opening, and then up again slowly. His movements were uncertain, brushing only slightly against your clit unintentionally.

It was different, having someone else touch you. Somehow, despite the inexperience, it just felt better.

“Holy fuck,” he gasped, “You’re so fucking wet. Do you usually get this wet?”

You felt your cheeks heat up. “No? Yes? I don’t know! I can’t feel it.”

“Shit.”

You let him play with you some more, his fingers sliding up and down, sometimes pressing against your fleshy parts, sometimes circling and gathering your wetness, sometimes just parting your lips. Hell, he even tapped the tips of his fingers on you randomly or brushed into your delicate fuzz. You knew he was just exploring, feeling you for the first time.

And that thought made you smile and sigh.

“Teach me how to make you feel good,” he rasped.

“Uh, so your fingers are wet, right?”

“Yeah. Because you’re leaking all over them.”

“Okay, good. Now find my clit. It’s slightly above your finger, okay, to the left a bit. More. Okay, there! Yeah, right there,” you sighed, finally feeling that delicious pressure.

“Here?”

He tapped your clit.

“Ah!” you moaned, “Yes- but don’t just- nevermind, just gently circle it. Clockwise.”

He obeyed, and hell since when did Jason just obey?

He circled you gently, like you said. But he also went so, so slow.

“Faster, Jay,” you panted.

He went faster, making you groan in pleasure.

“Like this, sweetheart?” he muttered, his voice low and cracking, and sexy, and husky. You’ve never heard him sound like that before, and it drove you wild.

“Yeah,” you breathed, “Yeah, just like that. Fuck.”

“Feel good?”

“So good, Jay. Press a little harder now- fuck. Fuck. Yes, perfect. Just like that.”

The pressure built as his fingers did their magic.

“You- you’re surprisingly good at that,” you stuttered, “You sure- mmm- you sure you’ve never done this before?”

“Despite what you think,” he husked in your ear, warm breath tickling you. “I’m very good at following instructions.”

“I can see that.”

“But I’m also good at improvising.”

“Wha- oh. Oh. Fuck! Jason! Oh my fucking god!”

He started pressing even harder, and going even faster, throwing away the slow build you were going for and instead pushing you towards orgasm fast and hard, as if he was determined to prove something to you.

“Feel good, sweetheart?” he purred, “You gonna come soon?”

“Oh my- fuck, yes! Fuck, don’t stop!”

“You want to come for me?” his deep voice rumbled.

“Yes!”

What the hell? When did he learn how to talk like that?

Because with the mix of his heavy pants, his low voice coaxing you, his barrage of pleasure at your clit, you felt the familiar tightening of your core. You threw one hand back and found his hair. Running your fingers through them, you gripped them tight and pulled.

You pulled on his hair as he forced the orgasm onto you.

“Oh my God. Jason, I’m gonna- fuck- I’m- fuck- ah!”

You moaned loudly as you felt your walls flutter, clenching over nothing as you reached your high.

“O-okay, stop, fuck,” your hand went from his hair to his wrist, stilling him. He withdrew his hands from your pants, and went to grip you tight again by the waist.

“Fucking hell, sweetheart,” he groaned, grinding into you. You pushed your ass back, feeling his hardened length against your flesh in your post-orgasm bliss. “Jesus, that was so hot.”

“That was- yeah,” you giggled, “Fuck.”

His face was still buried in your neck. You could feel his lips on your skin.

“Uhm, I can, you know,” you sputtered, “Try to help you out?”

“It’s fine,” he breathed, body still tight against yours, “Just go to sleep.”

“Are you sure?” you asked again, feeling guilty that he didn’t get off. “I don’t mind.”

“I do,” he said, “It’s okay, sweetheart. That was great. I enjoyed that. I told you, I don’t want to come.”

“Okay,” you sighed.

“Go to bed.”

“Thank you, Jason.”

“Fuck, I’m so horny.”

“Jason,” you whined, “Really, I can help-”

“I’m kidding,” he chuckled, “Goodnight.”

You pursed your lips.

“Goodnight.”

#jason todd x reader #jason todd #red hood #robin #jason todd imagine #dont call me that

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bdluejay · 4 years ago

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according to spotify, it's been exactly one year since i got into lemon demon

i could have never expected that my intense enjoyment of one album would bring me the biggest hyperfixation of my life, introduce me to a lovely community, and allow me to meet so many new friends, including my best friend in the whole world.

lemon demon is incredible music that makes me so happy every time i listen to it. and aside from his music, neil cicierega makes so much great content that makes me very happy as well. him and all his friends that hes worked with are all so funny and talented.

the community around his content is so nice and welcoming. ive never been really involved in fandom, even back when i was a huge h*mestuck, but the excitement and passion and enthusiasm for neil and his content are so infectious that it's kept me into LD for an entire year.

shout out to everyone that has ever made fan content for lemon demon, you all are so talented and creative, it makes me lose my mind every time i go into the tag.

and shoutout to lemonology especially. everyone in that server is so nice, welcoming, talented, funny, creative, and just all around incredible people. ive made a bunch of friends because of this little subsection of the fandom and joining the server was the best decision ive made in my life. thank you to byona, evil, jake, and jay for being the spearheads of the server and thank you to literally everyone else who has ever been in the server for making it what it is today. i love yall

and because of lemonology and lemon demon, ive met my best friend in the whole world and my platonic soulmate, @yikes-strikes-again, miss natalie, and i cant thank the universe enough for the sequence of events that led to us meeting and befriending each other. i love you so much natalie and i cant wait to meet you some day soon :>

and also theres a ton of friends ive made other than natalie (but natalie is the most important do not forget that.) people like sabbath, ame, grace, miranda, andrew, jeremy, riley, tunny, pom, doohan, and sooooooo many more people have been amazing friends to me and an amazing community. lemon demon may be what brought us all together, but its the people in the community that makes it so great to be in.

and id be remiss if i didnt mention mister max pacheco, friend of neil, who i started watching his streams on a whim, and now i have a lovely community with him and his twitch chat, and a friend in him as well!! (and not to brag but im a mod in his twitch chat aha gently flexes how cool i am by proxy)

anyways, the main point of this is that i cant believe ive been into lemon demon for a whole ass year. this music has brought so much joy and happiness and love into my life and i cant repay neil enough for having made the stuff that he has.

i love all of you who ive met bc of LD so much, and i love everyone i havent met but who contribute to the community and make our little corner of the internet so great. here’s to many more years of a funny guy’s funny music <3

#jabber jay #this is very long i apologize but also dont #im a sappy lil bird and i have a lotta stuff to say #i love you all thank you if you read this n thank you if you are my friend i love you #lemon demon #neilcic #possessed by the lemon demon #long post

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az3422 · 4 years ago

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PeppersGhost's Proposal, I guess.

K/O Failure Scenario Hub » SPC-001 » PeppersGhost's Proposal, I guess.

rating: +263+–X

You are now connected.

[13:04] Topic is "Fuck credentials, fuck passwords, fuck secrecy, fuck everything. Just, fuck in general. Fuck like it's the end of the world, because it is. Fuck me, please oh lord im so alone | Welcome! If you're still alive to read this, good luck finding someone to talk to."

[13:04] DrTsega: Hello? Anyone here?

[19:32] DrTsega: I'll take that as a no, then.

[22:48] DrTsega: I can't be the only one left.

[22:49] DrTsega: Hey Queg, are you still running?

[22:49] Queg: Hello, DrTsega. What can I do for you?

[22:49] DrTsega: thank god

[22:50] DrTsega: !backscroll 10

[22:50] Queg: [04:33] SgtYitay: I've looked through the entire building

[22:50] Queg: [04:33] SgtYitay: Everyone is dead

[22:50] Queg: [04:33] AgentCaleb: No shit

[22:50] Queg: [04:33] AgentCaleb: I know nobody uses this thing anyway but DAMN it's been EMPTY

[22:50] Queg: [04:34] AgentCaleb: You think it's just the two of us?

[22:50] Queg: [04:37] AgentCaleb: You still there

[22:50] Queg: [04:39] AgentCaleb: Saaarrrrge

[22:50] Queg: [04:50] SgtYitay has been disconnected (Ping timeout)

[22:50] Queg: [18:22] AgentCaleb: oooookay well i think im gonna call it quits then. If anyone sees this tell my husband I love him

[22:50] Queg: [18:22] AgentCaleb: lol jk i'll see that dogfaced whore in hell 👍🕶👍

[22:51] DrTsega: hmm

[22:52] DrTsega: !seen Agent Caleb

[22:52] Queg: AgentCaleb was last seen 8 days ago saying: lol jk i'll see that dogfaced whore in hell 👍🕶👍

[22:52] DrTsega: shit

[22:53] DrTsega: shitballs

[22:53] DrTsega: shitmonkeys

[22:55] DrTsega: shit the nail on the head

[22:55] DrTsega: okay

[11:16] DrTsega: Good morning. If anyone sees this just ping me, I'll stay around as long as I can.

[09:48] DrTsega: I'm still here

[14:26] DrTsega: !quote CaptSumner

[14:26] Queg: CaptSumner: I may be shitting out of my pee parts but FUCK YOU I will WALK IT OFF

[14:26] DrTsega: haha what

[14:27] DrTsega: Good times, good times.

[14:28] DrTsega: I wish Sumner wasn't lying dead in the bathroom

[14:29] DrTsega: or anywhere, for that matter

[14:33] DrTsega: but especially the bathroom

[08:01] DrTsega: I'm still here

[12:55] DrTsega: Man, if anyone sees this later I'm going to look really pitiful

[05:51] DrTsega: okay I can't sleep so I guess I might as well do this

[05:52] DrTsega: !settopic Check the backscroll. Look for "Start here"

[05:52] Topic is "Check the backscroll. Look for "Start here""

[05:52] DrTsega: Start here

[05:53] DrTsega: If you're still alive to read this, congratulations. You survived.

[05:54] DrTsega: You also have access to working internet and enough knowledge about shadow governments to visit a (previously) private communications channel, so, hey, good on you.

[05:55] DrTsega: As a reward for being such a cool and alive person, I'm going to tell you the story of how we ended the world.

[05:55] DrTsega: For context, though, you'll probably want to start by reading a certain document…

[05:56] DrTsega: Actually, you can probably just skim it. A lot of this won't make sense to you anyway, so who cares?

[05:57] DrTsega: Anyway. I'll go find the link. If memory serves, they declassified everything when they realized we were all gonna die.

[06:13] DrTsega: How are these servers even still up? Isn't that just the craziest thing

[08:22] DrTsega: Found it.

NOTICE FROM THE CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE COORDINATION

AND PROJECTS OPERATION COMMAND OFFICE

There is nothing new to report regarding SPC-001 at this time.

Test subject displaying the results of his exposure to SPC-001.

Project #: SPC-001

Selachian Pugnātorial Capabilities: Individuals enhanced with SPC-001 display a dramatic improvement in pugilistic prowess and have consistently proven capable of easily dispatching 90% of squaloid entities in simulations, even with no prior training. Furthermore, SPC-001 subjects have reported a radical elevation in coastal requiescence position retention, even when under assault from extragranular sedimentary weaponry.

Project Components: SPC-001 is a manmade chemical substance which augments the biological strength and dexterity of human beings. After initial exposure to SPC-001, subjects will undergo a steady increase in muscle mass over the following 72 hours, accompanied by heightened energy levels and adroit perception of their surroundings. Increased lung capacity and resistance to deep-sea hydrostatic pressure are common side effects.

Following the DREAD PORPOISE COMMUNION and the subsequent activation of the ALL HANDS ON DECK PROTOCOL, SPC agents embedded in the food industry began introducing discreet amounts of SPC-001 into numerous products intended for public consumption. Centre researchers have projected a full global saturation of SPC-001 to be achieved by the year ████. In the event that the DREAD PORPOISE COMMUNION ends before global saturation can be achieved, more aggressive means of SPC-001 dispersal may be undertaken to prevent a complete End-of-World K/O Failure Scenario.

Nascency Impetus: On May 16, ████, all observed selachian entities across the globe simultaneously demanifested, including those in SPC captivity. No selachian entities or evidence of the continued presence of selachian entities have been observed since. A Maximum State of Emergency was declared soon after by the Executive Pugilist Assembly and the phenomenon was codified as the DREAD PORPOISE COMMUNION. It is the belief of the Assembly that the selachians are congregating in preparation for the FINAL CONFLICT, an event foretold by Elder Pugilord Azmanititas in the Centre's original constitutional documents in 1451.

[08:23] DrTsega: Did you get all that?

[08:23] DrTsega: No? Okay, I'll break it down for you.

[08:26] DrTsega: I was part of a group known as the Selachian Punching Centre. An organization dedicated to fighting the menace that plagued our oceans. "We punch underwater so you can live on the land." That's what we used to say.

[08:27] DrTsega: I know what you're thinking.

[08:29] DrTsega: Yes. It was us keeping you safe the entire time. The Centre safeguarded mankind for centuries. Civilization as we knew it wouldn't have been possible if we weren't around. Our influence was unparalleled, extending to every level of every government, changing the course of world events, yet remaining a complete secret from everybody, which was really quite tricky.

Then, one day, the selachian menace disappeared. Our immediate reaction was one of disbelief, followed by euphoria, followed by raucous celebration. We danced. We drank ourselves stupid. We sang the songs of our forefathers. The orgies weren't officially sanctioned, of course, but boy howdy-doo were they tremendous.

Sadly, our revelry wasn't meant to last.

"DREAD PORPOISE COMMUNION", the Assembly called it. The prophesied gathering of every selachian, big or small. Every sharp, slimy, putrid horror that haunted our dreams, coming together in one place to bring about the end of all other life on our beautiful, green planet.

"But fear not," said our trusted Assembly. They told us that the human race would fight back. They said that when the selachians returned with their armies and squaloid murder-drones, we would be ready.

And they were right. We were ready. Thanks to SPC-001, we managed to get the entire human race fighting fit. At first people were alarmed when everyone started getting super ripped for no apparent reason, but then they realized it was awesome and the panic died down. Within a few months, every man, woman, and child was a lean, mean, punching machine. Even babies had abs you could wash your clothes on. It seemed like everything was going fine.

And that's how it went for the first couple of years: fine. Sure, boxing had to be outlawed once folks could punch with the same Newtonian force as your average car crash, and there were a few riots now and then over tank top shortages, but for the most part everything felt normal.

Year three, people started getting antsy. We had kept ourselves busy at the Centre by devising new weapons for selachian warfare, but every innovation felt hollow with a lack of anything to use them on. We grew listless. Surely the assault would begin any day, right?

Year four. There was an aura of dread hanging over the whole organization. I remember sitting in the Site-71 cafeteria, eating pickled cabbage and creamed corn salads with my comrades, when I finally heard someone ask aloud what we'd all wondered in the dark corners of our heads.

"What if they don't come back?"

It was Simmons who said that, of course. Of course. I kicked him in the face—a punch would have really hurt him—but the damage was done. It's a scary thought, losing your purpose in life. Faced with that kind of existential ennui, it's no wonder that everyone responded by flipping their shit. Hersberger screamed and started smearing her salad all over her face. Gertzler stabbed his fork tines into his cheek with no visible emotion. Bühler just broke down and cried until his tears turned to blood.

But Schwartzentruber was downright fuming. Started shouting all sorts of obscenities. Said he'd shove his fist down Simmons' throat and rip out his toenails from the inside. And Simmons was all defensive, "you all were thinking it" and that kind of stuff. The two kept going at it. We shouldn't have just sat there and watched, but no one thought fists would ever get involved. How could we have known?

I remember the entire cafeteria going silent. One moment, the two colleagues had been arguing. Next thing we knew, Schwartzentruber was wearing Simmons' face around his arm like a bracelet. Fist went straight through. Nobody knew what to say. Hersberger just picked the brain matter from her hair. There was no finishing our dinner after something like that.

We all tried to write it off as an isolated incident, an unhinged employee who forgot his own strength in a moment of pure emotion. That illusion was shattered when reports started coming in from the other sites. Similar incidents were happening all over the world, and within a few weeks it wasn't just limited to SPC personnel. These arms were made for punching, and that's just what they did.

As time went on, it became harder for us to fight the itch. Punching bags were laughable at that point, so instead we invented punching blocks out of a titanium-concrete composite. Even fashioned them into the shape of selachians to help take the pain away, but it still wasn’t enough. Whenever we came close to a cure, someone would end up atomizing the equipment with a flick of the wrist and we'd have to start over.

Eventually, one day I walked into the cafeteria and found the floor covered in what must have been two inches of blood. I thought maybe a pipe had burst until I saw Bühler sitting on a table in the corner. Guy was slathered in viscera from top to bottom, and he was wearing human heads around his arms like they were snap bracelets. I asked if he wanted to talk, but he didn't answer. He just stared at his fists and trembled. Then, in the blink of an eye, he was dead, hole in his beefy chest so big I coulda driven my Grampy's Volvo through it.

That was what broke me, I think. I had never seen someone self-pugilate before. I didn't know how many people were still alive in Site-71, but I knew that I would not perpetuate the carnage. I gathered some medical supplies from the surgical augmentations lab and tied a tourniquet around my burgeoning, well-defined bicep. Carefully, I injected myself with the nearest substance that resembled an anesthetic and bid my guns goodbye.

Screaming, writhing, I hacked off my arm using only a pair of rusty toenail clippers. Needless to say, I was dizzy from pain, blood loss, and the 5 CCs of green apple daiquiri I'd injected myself with, but somehow I managed to drag myself back to the cafeteria to cauterize my stump in the kitchen's oven. Barely clinging to consciousness, I set the oven to preheat, wrapped my stump in a tent of foil, and stuck it inside, turning regularly to promote an even cauter and applying a light baste to keep it moist.

When the bleeding stopped, I went back and repeated the process with my other arm. The second time was harder, I think. With no free hands remaining, I was forced to grip the toenail clippers with my teeth. I also ran out of baste. It was the most agonizing experience I could ever possibly fathom, but here I am. Alive. My cannonball deltoids still ripple with pugilistic vigor now and then, but the stubs are too short to be lethal.

And that's it. That's my story. That's how I ended up here, barricaded alone in an underground facility, typing on a keyboard with my tongue. I haven't been able to get in touch with any other Centre sites, and I can't leave the building. Every day I lose a little more hope. My personal hygiene has suffered, too—partly because I can't look at a pair of clippers without bursting into tears. My toenails are getting really long now. I'll probably have to use a pair of scissors or something. I could even use that electric carving knife I got for my birthday. Hell, I think there's a chainsaw in the supply closet. No shortage of options, really.

Even if I'm alive now, there's no telling how long that will last. Sometimes I hear people punching on the reinforced doors, desperate to break in and claim another victim to slake their drunken punchlust. Someday they may succeed. There's enough food left around to keep me going a while, though just for a while. I've kept my mind occupied and my spirits up by watching Dr. Cavender's Walking Dead box sets, but I can feel that post-Season-Six quality drop looming just around the corner.

Maybe this was their plan all along. Maybe they just left the planet, knowing full well we'd destroy ourselves. Maybe when the last human has passed their final breath, the selachians will return from wherever they went and feast on our tight, sculpted corpses. Or maybe they're happier where they are now. Maybe they're not coming back. I hope that's not the case. As much as it pains me to say it: I miss them.

I miss sharks.

[23:19] DrTsega: With all the squats I've been doing, I could probably pop their heads between my fucking thighs.

[23:20] DrTsega: pop 'em just like cherries. hell yeah

doomsday2018goi-formatshark-punching-center

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taechnological · 4 years ago

Note

Hello sae, your a really nice person so I just wanted your advise on something, so I became an army in February and ive loved it in this bts fandom, (hobis my bias uwu) anyways so I left my phone on charge and then my dad comes downstairs and starts screaming at me coz he found out that I had been watching /listening to bts (he is really strict btw ) and then my mum started shouting at me saying they r girls and they r gay ect so I just went to my room, the next day I got screamed at even more coz they found out I had brought a bts album (coz it was in a shop I went to so why not innit?) and now they turned off the Internet from my phone my mobile data is running out and they banned me from liking / listening to bts coz they r a 'bad influence' and are 'weird'. I'm so upset i told them that there's nothing wrong w bts and their songs haven't got any swears or +18 stuff in them but they don't care, they said I'm not allowed Internet, I can't keep my phone in my room, and I can never watch bts ever or buy their merch, I'm so upset and angry I dunno what to do? Plz give me some advise sae or you can just ignore this rant TT

oh no D: i'm so sorry this is happening to u angel :( gosh i don't understand why your parents would think bts are a bad influence, did u try to tell them about how bts encourage self love and are inspirational in so many ways (i feel like u must have ;-;) also if u don't mind me asking are u a minor? bc if no then this is just ridiculous in all sense o.o and if yes then i'm sorry the only way is to let ur parents know the translations of their songs? idk how else to help u :(

#i feel bad for u :(#ask sae #ask taechnological

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jefferoni-quotes · 5 years ago

Text

Love, Thomas - Hamilton Oneshot

Ship: Jeffmads

Based off Love, Simon

High School AU (obviously)

- - -

Dearest, Grey

July 18th, 2019, 00:03 am

The emails we share never fail to make me smile. I don’t know what it is, but there’s an air of mystery around our conversations. I crave something, more, a deeper connection than Wifi. But, I can settle for now. I speculate a lot, probably to much. I wonder day and night about who you are. Do you attend the very same school as me? Perhaps we happen to share a class, but I just don’t know it...

Sorry, I’m rambling.

What I’m trying to say, Grey, is I think I want to know who you are. I’m intrigued by this other gay kid in my school. Or maybe you’re not even in the same state as me. I don’t know, you never specified. You’re a lot more closed in these emails than me. Maybe I share to much, I do tend to go off in tangents. But I have lots to speak about! With endless possibilities, why stop talking?

Anyways, I eagerly await your reply,

Yours, Magenta

- - -

Magenta,

July 19th, 2019, 6:55 am

I can see where you’re coming from, but I don’t feel particularly comfortable disclosing my identity just yet. Maybe in the foreseeable future, we will be able to meet for real. Who knows?

However, I can say, that I’m in the grand state of West Virginia. Which just so happens to be the exact state that you live in. You told me that information, I promise, I’m not internet stalking you. I just have a good memory. I shall not say more than that at this point in time.

I apologise, I keep going back to the same point. haha...

How was your day? Have you “”came out”” yet?

I hate the term coming out. I don’t think I should have to come out. I should be able to go home and say to my dad, “I got a date.” And he be fine with me going off with a guy. Not that i’ll ever get a date of course.

What’s your opinion on this?

- Grey x

- - -

For Grey,

July 19th, 2019, 7:41 am

Oooooh, and x at the end! I do feel special!

I’m glad you remembered I told you, because I forgot I did. I probably would’ve told you 10,000 times before I finally noticed I’ve told you before.

Coming out? Yeah, haven’t done that. My parents are super conservative and would most likely not be overjoyed to have their son come out as a “gay”. I don’t know if I eve will “come out.” I like your point, but society is heteronormative. Everyone just assumes who we are, and it’s not fair.

You know what we should do? We should come out together! Both of us, come out to our parents. Rip the bandaid off, ya know?

Sincerely, Magenta x

- - -

My Dear, Magenta,

July 19th, 2019, 4:06 pm

Maybe... how and when do you propose we do this?

- Grey x

- - -

Dearest, Grey-Senpai,

July 19th, 2019, 5:28 pm

Tomorrow, as soon as we get home. Walk in the door, turn around, shout up the stairs, “IM GAY AND NOW IVE CAME OUT IM GOING OUT!” Then go hang with some buds or whatever.

Yours, Magenta xx

- - -

Darling, Magenta,

July 20th, 2019, 4:21 am

1, kindly never refer to me as “Grey-Senpai” ever again.

2, that’s a very... forward way of coming out... but I like it! It’s a deal!

3, today marks seven months of emails! Happy seven months haha :)

Forever, Grey x

- - -

To, Grey-pai

July 20th, 2019, 4:29 am

1, suggestion noted and changed.

2, today is an important day then... scared? Cause I sure am... I’m fucking terrified... I can feel my heart in my throat.

3, Happy seven months is a very “coupley” thing to say, don’t you think? But despite that! Happy 7 months!

4, why are you up at 4 am?

Sincerely, Magenta xx

- - -

For my dear, Magenta,

July 20th, 2019, 5:09 am

1. That’s not really any better, but I shall deal with it.

2. It really is, I’ll keep you updated.

3. I’m sorry, I apologise if I made you feel uncomfortable. I’m very sorry, just don’t be mad ha ha...

4. You were up too, little hypocritical. But if you must know, I was doing Biology homework. My teacher is very strict and she expects homework to be done in a day. I had sport practice so I had to do it at 3 am.

Are you ready? You said you had conservative parents, do you think they’ll be mad? I know my father is rather accepting, but I don’t really know...

Much love, Grey-pai x

- - -

Grey-pai,

July 20th, 2019, 12:47 pm

I’m glad you’ve decided to accept the nicknames. Don’t try to fight it, as you really won’t win.

My parents are kinda shitty, but I don’t think they’ll be mad. Most likely shocked into silence, to which I will storm upstairs, lay face down on my bed until my sister comes upstairs and says my mom wants to talk to me. They’ll be unsure, but accepting.

You play sports? What ones? I play too, but I’m intrigued by what you do. Sorry that I’m prying.

Homework at 3 am has been proven bad for the mind. And if your biology teacher is like mine, I can relate. She’s, quite frankly, and excuse my French, a bitch.

Good luck today!

Yours, Magenta x

- - -

My dearest, Magenta,

July 20th, 2019, 1:39 pm

At least your family will respect you! I’m 99.99% sure that you’ll be perfectly fine!

I’m on the athletics team, but I’m honestly terrible at it. It’s not prying. I’ve realised that I don’t share much about myself. I don’t know why I was hiding so much, I want it to feel like you know my personality. Maybe not my face. I don’t want our relationship to change drastically. Over time... I don’t know... I’m horrifyingly bad at making decisions.

What do you play? I’m curious how sporty “Magenta” is. I don’t believe I’ve ever mentioned how much I like that both our names just so happen to be our favourite colours. Well, I assume magenta is your favourite colour. I know grey is the colour I love.

I realise its a horrible idea to try and learn in the middle of the night, but I don’t have any other choice. I don’t want to ruin my perfect score by receiving a detention.

Good luck to you too, Magenta!

Love, Grey xx

- - -

Darling, Grey-pai,

July 20th, 2019, 4:34 pm

I’m currently standing outside my house, and typing this email to distract myself from the bile rising in my stomach. I don’t know why I’m terrified. I’m not so sure why. I know they’ll be fine with it. Perhaps it’s the terror of sharing such a long kept secret. I don’t really know.

Looking in through the window, they’re all watching TV. This feels too... normal. I’ve been taught by society that this should be a big thing! A huge announcement. But no. It’s too... boring. I don’t know.

I’m going inside. Wish me luck,

- Magenta xx

- - -

Magenta,

July 20th, 2019, 4:41 pm

Good luck.

I’ve told my dad. He’s cool with it! And I’m so happy!

PS: What sports do you play?

Love, Grey xx

- - -

Dearest, Grey,

July 21st, 2019, 1:34 am

I needed it. My exact prediction came true. They were silent then my ma hugged me and pops patted my back. He said he was proud. They’re accepting!

Congrats to you too!

Love, Magenta x

- - -

Lovely, Magenta,

July 21st, 2019, 1:54 am

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GO!!

I’m so happy they’ve accepted you!

Sports??

Much love, Grey xx

- - -

Darling, Grey-pai,

July 21st, 2019, 8:33 pm

I’m so happy too!

Love, Magenta xx

- - -

My Dearest, Magenta,

July 22nd, 2019, 00:33 am

I’m so proud of you! I’m so impressed that both our families accepted us. I really wasn’t expecting it from the South to be perfectly honest.

All my love, Grey x

- - -

Magenta,

July 22nd, 2019, 00:34 am

Also, would it be weird if I said I think I know who you are?

- Grey xx

- - -

Grey,

July 22nd, 2019, 00:41 am

What?

Yours, Magenta x

- - -

Dearest, Magenta,

July 22nd, 2019, 00:47 am

You’re on the running team and the volleyball, right? You won gold in the last sports event for both. Friends with that John Adams guy?

Love, Grey x

- - -

For, Grey,

July 22nd, 2019, 00:52 am

how.

what if you’re wrong? what if you’re right? then i’d want to know who you are. but you’re not wanting me to know. that’s not fair, grey. it’s not fair.

- Magenta

- - -

Dear, Magenta,

July 22nd, 2019, 00:58 am

I’m sorry. If I’m right, we can set up a time and place to meet. If I’m wrong, I apologise.

Lots of love, Grey xx

- - -

Grey,

July 22nd, 2019, 1:01 am

When and where?

Love, Thomas x

- - -

Thomas slammed his laptop shut and pushed it down to the edge of his bed. He ran a hand through his matted, mop of curly hair and exhaled slowly. He thought about if he’d made a horrible decision, but tried to shake it off. The light from his screen peaked through the cracks. He slowly dragged it up to him, the covers crumpling as he did. He pulled the top open.

- - -

Dearest, Thomas/Magenta,

July 22nd, 2019, 1:12 am

Carnival, 9 pm. Tonight. See you there.

- Grey x

- - -

Grey,

July 22nd, 2019, 1:14 am

See you there.

Love, Magenta xx

- - -

He wiped the sleep from his eyes and turned his computer off. He placed it on his bedside table and flicked the bed sheets up to his chin. Thomas laid down, letting his hair fall over his face. He sunk into it, treating it like an ocean of emotion that he could drown in. A place where, once he reached the sea bed, he could lie in peace, without worries or feelings. And eventually, he lulled off to sleep.

Thomas woke up before his alarm and shut it off. It was a Saturday, and he still had 15 hours until he met his long term... lover? Crush? Love? What were they? Hell, he didn’t even know Grey’s name. What if he was some crazy, 50 year old stalker? Then again, he was fast and could either run away or fight.

No matter. He had 15 hours. 15 hours.

Breakfast.

14 hours.

Sitting inside.

13 hours.

Going outside.

12 hours.

Running practise.

11 hours.

Still running.

10 hours.

Lunch.

9 hours.

Panic starts.

8 hours.

Panic intensifies.

7 hours.

Panic calms.

6 hours.

Internet.

5 hours.

And a phone call with John Adams.

4 hours.

Phone call ends.

3 hours.

Argument with Alexander through Twitter.

2 hours.

Quick toast dinner. And then start changing.

1 hour.

More panic.

0 hours.

And he made it. Thomas looked down at his phone discreetly, sticking his hands in his pockets. The browned up grass pressed beneath his feet as he stepped. Someone tapped his shoulder.

“Hey, Thomas! What’s up!” John Adams grinned and leaned on his shoulder.

“Nothing. Just... waiting for someone.” Thomas smiled at his feet.

“Ooooh! Is it that Grey guy you told us about?” John nudged him with a cheeky wink, wriggling his eyebrows like caterpillars.

Thomas shoved him playfully. “Shut up. But yes, you’re right...” He sighed lovingly. “I’m scared.”

“That’s normal, dude.” John assured him, looking over. “When’s he supposed to be here?”

Thomas looked down at his phone again. “Ten minutes ago.”

“Huh.” John clicked his tongue with uncertainty, stepping forward so three girls could scatter past him. “Well, he doesn’t know where you are, for a start. Just give it a bit. He’ll turn up.”

And so they waited.

And they waited.

And then they waited some more.

In fact, it was around 10 pm when Thomas ushered into the big wheel. He hesitantly took a seat, weary of the fact that they were simple wooden benches with a metal bar to clutch onto.

He looked over at the two people that made him do this. Shortly after John had arrived, Maria had too. And she knew something. “Why are you making me do this?”

“Trust me, babe!” Maria yelled, rubbing her hands together with excitement.

“I swear to god...” Thomas mumbled. He was at his wits end, and very close to just giving up and going home.

“Ticket for one, please.” A voice called out of the silence, and the sound of change clanging against the ticket booth echoed.

A weight slid in next to him, and Thomas looked over as the bar was secured. “Grey?” Thomas questioned softly.

“Hi, Magenta.” He smiled graciously, looking straight on as the wheel started turning.

Thomas looked down, then at the boy. “James, isn’t it?”

“That’s right, Thomas.” James smiled, gingerly letting his arms hang by his sides. Thomas’ gaze fell to them, and he reached out, taking James’ hand in his own.

“So, it’s really you?”

“Yes.”

“Wow.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No, but it’s a good thing I always thought you were cute.” Thomas confessed as the ride got higher, eventually stopping at the top, letting them see the view. The moon was rising in the dark sky, which was glowing with street laps and stars. Fireflies buzzed below them and James turned to glance at Thomas.

“I’m glad.” He said happily.

Thomas shifted in his seat to face James properly. “Hey, can I...” Thomas moved a little closer, giving James a chance to say no, or pull away.

James’ face broke out into a grin. “You may.”

He closed the gap, and let his hand cup one of Thomas’ cheeks, the other curving around his waist. Jefferson moved his hands to the same comfortable position, keeping his eyes fluttered closed.

And after ten seconds or so, they pulled back, the distant whooping of Maria, John, Peggy and Aaron rising up to meet them. It became clear that James had dragged his friends along for emotional support too.

“So, how does a movie sound, Grey?” Thomas asked with a beaming grin.

“That sounds wonderful, Magenta.”

- - -

Whoops I got carried away.

Oneshot requests are open too, drabbles are short and dumb, Oneshot take longer. Please please please, when requesting, specify if you want a drabble or oneshot! Thank you and I hope y’all enjoyed!

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onepunchmiss · 6 years ago

Text

OPM s2e3 Live Blog

“The Hunt Begins”

Ok I had 3 screenshots leaked to me before seeing the episode, but only one of them was spoiler-y in that I wasn’t sure if we’d get that far in the episode. And of course not only did I not leave work early, but had to stay an hour late. So without further delay, I’m hoppin to it. Reminder, I’m watching each episode as someone who is caught up with both the manga and web comic.

Alright, off the bat we’re getting the Charanko expulsion over with. I wasn’t expecting that, but it makes sense- it’s a good hook to lead with and set up the Garou issue before actually getting into Garou destroying everyone.

BTW I am Still not over the opening theme- nope it still gets me both visually and musically. (I definitely was not listening to the song on repeat at work all day. nope. what kind of nerd would do that definitely not me hahaaaaaa)

I like that Charanko doesn’t bat an eye that The Worlds Strongest Man King is there, or Blizzard of Hell, he’s just like ‘ah they’re multiplying.’ Fuckin kek. Saitama oh sweetheart, “Silver Fang” may be cool but to us you’ll always be the One Punch Man oh dear my heart

oh OH YES Guys you have no idea how excited I am for this fight?? I know Tank Top Master isn’t really popular but like I’m a gym rat so I’ve got a soft spot for him and Superalloy. Guys, in the databook his favorite things are chicken breasts and protein. Also I mean hes actually a decent guy too, but----- Anyway, wasn’t too hard finding Garou, was it Charanko?

Oh, oh right. Let me clarify I’m excited to see TTM get some screen time. Also to watch trash son (aka Garou) kick some ass. I’m, I’m not excited about him kicking Mumen’s ass specifically. This is gonna hurt.

(garou scary face)

His faces literally make me shout WOAH at my screen ok thanks scary trash son. Ah, lookit the tanktopper army!! Fukkin Tank Top Mask is there to I’m- yes, just yes.

YES. MY BRO MY MAN KICK SOME ASS. Garou’s little ‘nani??’ omfg perfect.WAIT the little ‘haha~~’ THAT was perfect. I also need to point out here that in the manga Garou has a lot of crazy faces, like his expressions are very extra, (another way he’s a foil to Saitama, hah) but seeing them actually in motion speaking is borderline uncanny valley? They’ve creeped me out twice already and he’s been on screen for like 20 seconds? I mean i guess he IS going for the scary-monster thing, so uh, good job u freeky trash man you.

Oh, Tiger and Black Hole, I only missed you a little bit.

BOMB. ITS BOMB. YES. AAAHHH. I MEAN I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO SHOW UP IN THE EPISODE BUT IM STILL? HYPED??

Man the Garou music is really intense, holy shit. If I’m not mistaken something at least similar played when he was fighting at the HQ last episode. Honestly, I hope it’s not gonna be this sounding track every time garou gets in a fight. Cause, y’know, ge gets in a lot of those. It’s only been twice now and it’s still during establishing character moments so it passes, but I really really hope they switch it up or it will lose it’s epic feel.

Oh, there he goes with his creepy faces.

FUCK Mumen You FOOL. Also, how did you take that hit so well??? Tiger and Black hole are right for once. Oh you fools. Oh you fools. Stop it’s gonna get worse. ITS GONNA GET WORSE stOP TalKInG

Wait did Garou actually fake walk away in the manga?? I don’t remember that??? Gotta double check myself there cause that threw me off like? Garou??

Garou: 50% Uncanney Faces, 50% Badass

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand back to the freeky faces. Also, TTM’s “KUSO!!”

oh.

oh god.

The sound as he repeatedly bashes Mumen’s skull into the concrete. REPEATEDLY. my stomach. This fight is a rollercoaster of hype and pain oh no

Here have this screnecap so you can suffer, too

I must say, watching Garou fight otherwise is an absolute joy. The rest of this scene was so dynamic. I loved the way just glided through everyone and bounced around so fluidly. Keeping the water stream fist throughout it was also visually really pleasing. I need more. Give me more Garou fights, this is AMAZING. And that put us about half way through the episode like I predicted, which means I have no idea at what scene the episode will end.

“He’s here” Oh that was funny. Was that filler? I dont remember that either good shit good shit

YES IT THE

B A N A N A T I M E

TTM: “At least say I put up a good fight!!” Oh sweetheart I love you and appreciate you you did great

OH MY FUCK OH MY GOD OH FUCK GOOD OH FUCK SHIT FUCK

Oh shit that was a cool gag, how the newspaper flew past and garou just appeared. also. The most beautiful friendship is about to start and oh my god I’m so excited. Ok really I won’t lie- I would have been SCREAMING at Tareo on the screen if the didn’t just lead with Zombieman’s face in the catalog. I live for that pout. And his eyebrow is quirked like the heck u lookin at just. F. I’ve exhausted all my energy screaming at that. I’m so sorry.

Wait wait they still showed the side of his face again guys I’ve got it so bad for that 2D man help

I’ve waited so long for this scene. OH MY FUCK the little leg bob guys someone gif it NOW. I love both of them so much. Also, Tareo’s voice is adorable. Watching that kid go through some shit is gonna be heart wrenching. FFF Anyway, it looks like we are getting GoldenBall and Spring Mustachio this episode? I was torn either way if we’d see that much. huh.

Oohhh Shit Sea King and Melzalgald! Wassup flashbacks?? Oh my gosh Saitama looks so excited I think thats the happiest we’ve seen him in a long time? No wonder he takes an interest in martial arts! AH! The ticket! The ticket! The tournament ticket!! I know a bunch of people considered the tournament filler and found it annoying, but I’m so excited for it!! Like, it seriously gave me a whole new respect for Lightning Max and Snek, I can’t wait to see those boys get the spotlight for a second again!

OMFG What is this jiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-- wtf I am Cackling?? Oh my fuck its still going this is Peak Comedy

AH! I missed them! And I wish the screen wasn’t so dark, but otherwise SEE WHAT I MEAN? Shit watching Garou move is fun as hell, even if he’s barely moving. Also, is that legit bullet fire sound effects? I also love that those two get drinks together regularly enough that Spring knew something was up when GB wasn’t there. So good so good.

Garou: “Ding ding ding” Me: glorious you bastard

Question, what the fuck is that sword made of that it shoots rainbows for miles? Is it the power of gay? I mean I personally don’t ship Spring and GB buuuuuuuuuuuuuut…………………………….

OH IM SO DISAPPOINTED GAROU DIDNT JUST FLIP US ALL OFF JUST A THUMBS DOWN CMON I WAS EXCITED FOR THAT I FEEL RIPPED OFF. Also there’s that music again, but it didn’t play the whole time thank goodness.

“Here comes the fan service to your screen” amirite?

Eh at least I got the satisfaction of watching the sleezeball get decked in the face. The brunette’s face when he asked for a kiss on the cheek is SUCH a MOOD. And oh fuck the ‘relax its for peace” Those two girls are the real stars of this episode I love them.

Obligatory “YES”ing at the screen rn hold on

OH FUCK GAROUS REACTION IS PRICELESS

Hey wait. HEY WAIT ARE THEY GONNA SHOW MY TRASH SON WAKING UP IN THE TRASH WHERE HE BELONGS??? THAT’S VERY IMPORTANT VERY

THE POST CREDIT SCENE. Genos I love you never change. Just. look at this precious boy. And the voice acting is perfect. I’m glad they ended on a humorous note this time. Gold.

IN SUMMARY: I honestly don’t feel like I have much to say or reflect on. I just really loved this episode. Favorite one yet. I mean of course I’m going to like it more as the story kicks the fuck up, but I genuinely had zero complaints, and actively enjoyed watching the animation.

Warning for next week btw, I’m going to be out of the country and also not really near civilization, so I probably won’t have wifi, so theres a good chance I wont be able to blog next week’s episode till I get back. Which I’m actually pissed about. because

WE ARE GOING TO GET TO SEE METAL BAE KICK SOME MONSTER ASS AND IVE WAITED SO MANY YEARS TO SEE HIS STUPID DELINQUENT FACE IN ACTION FUCK MY TIMING MAN IM BOTH EXCITED AND PISSED of all the weeks I had to live in the wilderness UHG. Bet your ass I’m going to TRY MY DAMNDEST to get internet next Tuesday.

I’ll hopefully see yall next week, thanks for reading!

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blackmilkbangtan · 7 years ago

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bts reactions to you being insecure about your thighs

yoongi:

you know what they say; the freaks come out at night. and for yoongi, that was his status quo. his lips brushed against yours, leaving your face to grow hot at how sensual he was being. he then trailed down your neck, nipping and licking your chest and collarbones. his mouth left a path from your belly button, down to your entrance. his hot breath against it made your thighs want to close together, but was restrained by his veiny hands. right before he dived in -;)- he stopped and looked at your uncomfortable expression.

“mama what’s wrong.” he stopped his actions and rested his head on your plush stomach.

“i don’t know, it’s just sometimes i feel like im gonna suffocate you.” you muttered.

yoongi looked at you and laughed, “do you really think these,” he grabbed your thighs tightly “can suffocate me? im a grown man i can handle it” he said proudly. those few words boosted your confidence and tickled you at the same time.

“thanks baby, i lowkey needed that.” you giggled.

“now come on so i can eat.”

jin:

jin was preparing himself for another episode of eat! jin hosted on vlive. he sat down at his computer closing down his tabs so his internet would run faster, but one surprised him.

‘weight loss tips’

he immediately put two and two tighter and realized it was probably you, since you were the last one at his desk. it made him a little upset that you wanted to loose weight, maybe he wasnt loving you enough. he began his hunt and searched around the relatively small apartment you two shared. he ended finding you following along to a “how to properly squat” tutorial.

“what’s this?” jin asked, surprising you during your workout.

“im just working out, is that a problem?”

“it’s not like you’d notice anyway.” you said under your breath.

“now what’s that supposed to mean?” he was getting agitated now.

“you never want to have sex anymore,” his features softened at what you said, “do you honestly think that we’re not doing it because of your weight?”

“i mean everytime we go out, you always look at these skinny ass girls”

“they don’t have anything to look at! im just happy that ive got someone that can sit on my lap without a bone ramming into my thigh!” he exclaimed.

you broke out crying, not because of what he said, just that you hate when someone yells at you. jin moved closer and wrapped you into a tight hug.

“look babe, i love you so much, you don’t even understand.” he hunched over so he could put his head in the crook of your neck.

“i love you too jin” he separated his body from yours and gazed into your eyes.

“c’mon into this room so i can show you how much i love you.”

namjoon:

you were laying in the bed with namjoon, spending his day off as it should be; a day off.

while you were scrolling through social media laughing at memes until you scrolled along a stupid post ranting about how namjoon doesn’t “deserve to be with a fat bitch like you.” you always know armys were overly possessive, but to comment on something that doesn’t concern you is disgusting.

the bad bitch inside of you wanted to clap back, but the sad bitch in you took over and you started to cry.

“babygirl what’s wrong, you was just chillin and now you crying. what happened?” he cooed, rubbing his large hands lovingly on your thighs.

“some stupid -probably no jam army, called me fat and said i don’t deserve you, nothing to bad” you chuckled with tears still forming in your eyes.

“your not fat, there’s just more to love.” he tried to reassure you.

“you know how many fan fictions ive read that said that exact same thing”

“but i mean it, you have nothing to be upset about. why do you think my favorite position is doggy style? i love seeing your ass jiggle when im-“ you cut his inappropriate sentence off with a quick playful punch on the shoulder.

“now get off that phone, i got something else you can play with.”

taehyung:

while walking home you were being harassed by two grown men commenting about your weight.

“where’s a fat bitch like you going?”

“yeah, you fucking whale” his friend went along with him. you decided to be the bigger person and ignore them, yet they still followed you home.

“can you guys just leave me alone” you shouted at them.

“yeah” a deep voice cut in. you looked up to see a handsome man to be your defender.

“what’s some good looking guy like you hanging out with...this?”

“look, while im smashing this thick beautiful girl, you can go back to dicking down bitches that when they throw it back it sound like a screenshot.” he clapped back. while they stared at him like he was nuts, your cheeks grew hot as the attractive stranger talked about you so openly, like you knew him.

“youre dismissed,” his scrawny ass jumped at him. the guys left with a muttering of “fucker” and “fat ass” -referring to you. he then wrapped his arms around your waist.

“thanks for the help, nobody usually stands up for me like that.”

“nobody as fine and cute as you should be getting pick on by some bummy dudes.” this guy was smooth a hell, made you want to suck his dick right on the spot.

“i was finally feeling confident about my thighs, i guess i got to go back to being insecure and hiding them.” you half joked, using it as a coping mechanism.

“i like them, better to grab when im-“ he stopped himself, realizing that he was going too far to be talking to a stranger.

“im taehyung” he stopped to shake your hand.

“(your name).”

“here take my number, call me when you get home” he quickly put his number in and headed off, waving while walking in the opposite direction. your heart fluttered as he left, you took a look at what he saved his number as. “that cute asian boy”, a small smile grew on your face as you shoved the phone back in your pocket and headed home.

jungkook:

you and jungkook haven’t been dating for a while, but that didn’t mean your feelings for each other weren’t true. jungkook had officially introduced you to his group members. and he decided to get you acquainted with them by jin cooking a meal for all of you. as for your outfit, the shorts you wore exposed the bottom part of your ass. it wasn’t like you were self-conscious about your body, except your thighs which were ridden with cellulite.

while at dinner, you helped jin pass out the plates. each time you leaned over they all stared longingly at your thighs, fixated which each step you took. your face grew hot, you began to lose confidence each time a pair of their pupils landed on you. you quickly dashed your way to the nearest bathroom.

“(your name), wait up-“

you sat on the toilet, with your face in your hands silently crying. even though it was such a little inconvenience, it made your anxiety skyrocket. while in the midst of thinking, two small knocks echoed throughout the small room and jungkook came in.

“babe, what happened out there?” jungkook knelt down to your eye level.

“they were looking at me,”

“that’s all? why-“

“no, they were looking at me like i was disgusting, like i’m too big-“

“look, baby, they’ve literally never seen a thick girl in korea never in their lives, shit i was even surprised to see you.” your heart rested a little easier as his hand settled on your lap.

“take it as a compliment, your beautiful no matter what size you are. on some sappy cliche shit; i love you no matter what.” once the two of you exited the bathroom, the chatter in the dining room stopped.

“can you guys stop staring? this is mine”

jimin:

you and jimin were walking around the mall, window shopping and such. you finally landed your eyes on a cute pair of floral shorts.

“hey jimin honey, can i get a pair of those?” you gazed at how beautiful the shorts were from outside the window.

“of course, come on let’s head in.” he lead your already intertwined hands into the shop. one of the workers came up to you guys with a face full of fake politeness.

“how can i help you today?” she questioned, you could’ve sworn you saw her roll her eyes at me.

“i would like those pair of shorts in the window there, in an xl please.” you decided to go a size up since an american medium is probably small in korea.

“im sorry but i don’t think we carry that for...your kind of size,” she disrespectfully said, eyeing you up and down.

“first of all-“ you were so angry that you were almost on the verge of tears.

“(your name) come on let’s go to a different store” jimin ushered you out the store. “so you just gon let that weenie hut jr lookin’ ass bitch talk about me like that? to my face?” you said with a hushed shout.

“i didn’t want to cause a sce-“

“cause a scene my ass, you know how i feel about myself. she just basically called me fat you know.” jimin stopped in his tracks, and held both of his hands on either side of your shoulder.

“there’s nothing wrong with your body at all,” he said sternly.

“listen, you being chubby doesn’t change the way i feel about you,” he then pulled you into a tight hug.

“now come on, that store was weak anyway, let’s go buy you some gucci.”

hoseok:

“muffin whats taking you so long in there?” hoseok shouted from the other side of the door. hoseok wanted to take you to the beach for his day off, and you wanted to cover up as much as your thighs and the cellulite that ruled over it as well.

you went over at least 17 outfits, and it’s taking you hours to decide on one.

“stop playing around, they’re gonna close the beach in like 2 and a half hours” another bang on the door followed as he finished his sentence.

“ok i’m done” the door swung open and you walked out in a pair of sweat pants and a throw on shirt.

“you’re not going outside like that”

“why?”

“why? you’re gonna have a fucking heat stroke wearing that, go but on your swim suit and some shorts.” he pushed you back into the room and he followed suit.

“people are gonna stare,” you looked down, being to shy to admit that your super insecure about your thighs. hoseok pulled you on the bed with him,

“you have nothing to worry about,”

“yes i-“

“no, you don’t.”

“but what about th-“

“those ‘all skin and bone’ girls at the beach that look at you?” his hand rested on your thigh and ran his thumb against the sides of them. “listen, theyre just mad that their boyfriends don’t feed them at home.” he joked. he always found a way to turn everything into something funny and you loved it.

“now out on the swimsuit that makes your ass look juicy.”

“the red one?”

“the red one.”

a.n.= unedited and i feel like hoseoks and jimins are a lil’ shitty. sorry @anon 🐝

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iwriteficsnottragediesladies · 6 years ago

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Girl Can SING pt 7

Request: I have an idea for Girl Can SING but it’s probs really stupid so totally ignore this if you want! So what if y/n is on stage with Brendon at one of her first shows with P!ATD and she gets bottled and is knocked out and won’t wake up so is rushed to the ER. She wakes up and is all scared and has a panic attack and only Brendon can calm her (my heart 😩). I love your blog so much!!!

The day had finally come: you were at the Reading and Leeds Festival. The plane ride from LA all the way to London was long and exhausting. The jet lag hit you like a bus, but luckily you had an extra 2 days to adjust before performing.

This show is a big deal. Not only is it one of Brendon's favorite places to play, you're also the headliners. Crowds were expecting Panic to be a big finale, the best of the best. It was a lot of pressure on its own, not even including the bottling.

It was a customary rite of passage for new bands to have bottles thrown at them. Even though Panic had played there before, you hadn't, so there was a possibility the crowd would do it. You all prepared yourselves just in case. You were assigned to protecting Dallon while Brendon guarded Kenny since they don't have any hands free to protect themselves.

When you're about to go on, Brendon can see the anxiety written all over your face. He wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you close.

"Don't worry, Y/n," he reassured you, "It's going to be great."

You took great comfort in his soothing words and smiled a little. He kisses you gently and you feel a warm blanket of confidence wrap around you.

It's minutes later that you're running on stage, the crowd roaring. Your opening song goes well. Only one bottle was thrown and it barely even made it on stage. By the third song, you were comfortable with your performance.

But you let your guard down, which was a big mistake.

In the middle of LA Devotee, you turned to walk towards the other end of the stage. A bottle was careening through the air. Before you could even flinch, it collided with your head as Brendon watched, unable to react quickly enough.

The end of the word you were singing fell from your mouth as you started to fall to the ground. Your vision was black and suddenly you were gone.

"Y/N!" Brendon yelled as you collapsed down onto the stage. The boys immediately stopped playing at the sound of his strangled voice.

There was a collective gasp from the audience. Zack was sprinting on stage over to you.

"Y/n?" Brendon called to you as he dropped to his knees next to you, placing a hand on your cheek.

You don't respond, your eyes remaining shut. Brendon feels something warm on his fingertips and realizes there is now blood running across them. You're bleeding from a cut on the side on your head.

"Shit," He swears to himself before placing his hand over the wound in an attempt to stop the slow but steady flow of blood. "Y/n?" He begged, desperate for any movement, any sign that you could hear him.

Zack arrived, skidding to a stop as he got down on the ground with you and Brendon. He sees the red seeping through Brendon's hand and an extra shock of adrenaline races over him.

Zack looked offstage and signaled for more help with a wave.

"WE NEED MEDICS HERE!" He shouted to the stage crew, "NOW!"

Zack focused back on you.

"Y/n?" Zack tried as he squeezed your shoulder but you remained completely unresponsive.

"Baby, open your eyes," Brendon pleaded.

The rest of the boys were in shock, not moving from where they stood. When Dallon notices the blood coming from your head, he grabs a clean towel and runs it over to Brendon. He takes it and covers your cut, holding it to your head. Dallon steps back and looks on with anxiety, his hand cradling his forehead.

Brendon was completely helpless, unable to do anything to help you other than watch your blood slowly spread across the towel. The only thing he took comfort in was watching your chest rise and fall. You're breathing. That's something.

Medics are soon moving Brendon and Zack out of the way. They take over, quickly assessing you, strapping you to a long yellow board and sliding a brace around your neck.

Brendon was a mess. He couldn't stop his racing thoughts, Oh god, was all of this necessary? Was it that bad? Oh god. Why hasn't she woken up? When is she going to wake up? What if she never wakes up?

You're placed on a stretcher and swept off into the ambulance, Brendon hot on the medics' heels. Once you're inside, Brendon joins you, taking your hand and just praying to a god he doesn't even believe in.

The paramedics were in a flurry of activity around you, attaching machines and putting in an IV.

"Why," Brendon stuttered, trying to ask them a question, "Why hasn't she woken up yet? When?"

"Sir, please stay calm," The medic said reassuringly, "We're doing everything we can to help her. The best thing now is to get her to the hospital, okay?"

Brendon nodded hesitantly, finding little comfort in his answer. He watches as something wonderful happens.

You open your eyes.

"Y/n?" Brendon asks quickly.

You wake to bright lights and far away sound, feeling that your body is in motion but not moving. Your senses begin to align more clearly.

"Y/n?" The paramedic asked, "Hey, can you hear me?"

You focus on the strange man above you and try to respond, but not much more than a noise comes out. A big, throbbing pain exploded in your head and the light was suddenly too much. You go to lift your hand so you can cover your eyes and find that you can't: your arms are restrained at your sides.

You realize that you can't move. Your legs are strapped down, your arms, even your head. Your face drops into terror and you want to get it all off so desperately. Brendon and the paramedic both notice your panic.

"Y/n, it's okay," the paramedic started slowly, "I need you to stay still, alright?"

It's no use.

You manage to slip a hand out and start grabbing at the plastic surrounding your neck, frantically trying to remove it. You scream and Brendon's heart shatters.

"Y/n!" Brendon jumps up and tries to still you, "No no no, it's okay darlin."

You're only escalating, now trying to kick your legs. You feel like you can't breathe. The paramedic is trying to talk to you but you can't hear him over your shear panic.

"No!" You manage to squeak fearfully.

"Shhhhh," Brendon quieted you. He got himself into your line of vision. "Y/n, it's okay."

Your eyes locked onto his. The fear in you made Brendon want to cry.

"I'm right here, Y/n," He soothed, "You're safe."

You try to figure out where you were but it was hard to look around with your head taped down.

"We're in an ambulance sweetheart," Brendon explained sweetly, "You got hit in the head so we're going to the hospital to fix you up, okay?"

Well, that's why your head hurts so fucking badly. You blink a few times, processing his words. You're still clawing weakly at the brace around your neck.

"Get it off," you squeak hopelessly, starting to cry quiet tears.

"I'm sorry baby," Brendon cooed and stroked your hand as he guided it away, "You have to leave it on." You squinted your eyes, trying to block out some of the irritating light.

"It's a brace that's protecting your neck in case you hurt it," the paramedic explained, "I know it's uncomfortable but it's important, okay?"

"'K," you whispered and settled down.

"There you go," Brendon reassured you, "Just take a breath."

"What happened?" You asked Brendon.

"We were performing and someone threw a bottle, got you in the head," He replied, "You were out for a little while."

"How are you feeling now, Y/n?" The paramedic asked, "any pain?"

"Yeah," reply weakly, "My head, my eyes... Dizzy."

The paramedic typed away on the laptop and nodded. Brendon gave you a sad smile and stroked your hand with his thumb.

"What happened?" You asked him again. Brendon looks at you a bit confused. Had you already forgotten what he'd said?

"Someone hit you with a bottle while we were on stage," He reminded you. He could see in your eyes that it was as if you were hearing this information for the first time. Fear gripped him.

"There's a good chance that the memory loss is only temporary," the paramedic said quietly to Brendon, "I would wait until she sees the doctor before worrying about it."

Brendon nodded hesitantly, still scared. He looks at you again.

"We're gonna get you fixed up, okay?" Brendon soothed you.

Once you had arrived at the hospital, the doctor who examined you declared that you needed to spend the night. You had a pretty severe concussion but your scan didn't show any internal bleeding. Your memory was slowly returning to normal too and Brendon was so relieved.

When a nurse came to do your stitches, your grip on Brendon grew tighter.

"I'm right here, Y/n," Brendon said sweetly, "Squeeze my hand as hard as you want."

"Okay," you replied quietly, still so afraid.

"You're alright," Brendon spoke softly, "In a few minutes it'll all be over." He continued to talk to you, telling jokes and recounting funny stories about Penny Lane. He always had ways to make you smile, even in the worst of times.

The nurse bandaged your head when she was finished and you breathed a sigh of relief once she left the room.

The band came to see you. They were all worried sick. The last they knew, you were completely unconscious. Walking into your hospital room and finding you awake, sitting up, talking to Brendon was a relief.

When you checked your phone, you weren't exactly delighted to see that a video of your incident was all over the internet. You expected this much, though. Brendon sees you frown and sits down on your bed.

"That can wait, babe," Brendon suggests, "The doctor said looking at screens was bad anyway. Just rest, okay?"

You sigh and nod in agreement, putting your phone away. You scoot over a little and reach out to him. He lays down next to you and holds you close.

"I'm sorry," you whisper against him.

He pulls back and looks at you in confusion.

"Y/n, don't be ridiculous," Brendon comforts you.

"I should have been paying better attention," You shook your head in disappointment, "We didn't even get to finish the set."

"This isn't your fault," Brendon said emphatically, "And don't worry about the set. We're just glad you're alright."

You nod.

"God, I was so worried," Brendon shut his eyes and held you tightly.

You nuzzled into him.

"I love you, Y/n," Brendon replied, "So much."

"I love you too," You smiled.

"Get some rest," He said, "I'll be right here."

A/N: Woo, long time, no write! Hope you liked it. I kind of hate the way this came out, but OH WELL, maybe it’s just me. Like/reblog if you’re feelin’ it!

#Panic! at the Disco #brendon urie #brendon urie fanfiction #patd #brendon urie x reader #reader insert #girl can sing #Panic at the Disco #panic!#dallon weekes #Kenneth Harris #dan pawlovich #zack cloud hall #hurt/comfort #bottle #bottling #reading and leeds

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f4kef4airy · 2 years ago

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i dont know how to write authentically because ive been consuming layers of criticism and irony and nuance on the internet for so long that i have a choir of detractors in my head shouting down every idea i try to entertain

or am i trying to be honest? whats the difference between authenticity and honesty?

a year and a half ago i didnt have a personality. i was making all my decisions based on the opinions and perceptions of others. i was so far removed from myself i didnt know what i liked. i didnt have any opinions.

ive built myself back up from there, a little at a time, and im more robustly myself than i ever have been. i feel like i have an indomitable outlook on life, even on my worst days during the depths of my worst feelings. ive channeled that detachment into knowing that every state is temporary, and that everything will work out because it has to, and if it doesnt ill be dead anyways. i know my resilience and i know my creativity.

i write pages and pages of things ill never show anyone. and i love it so much it feels unnatural to put anything somewhere visible. i love hoarding my little notes app poems and diary entries and stories and jokes and ideas and lists. and i love that they are all mine.

instead of feeling like i have no personality i now feel like im overflowing with self. i have built such a rich internal world that nobody could even glimpse. i have plans and goals and ideas and theories and philosophies galore. every time i am alone i revel in myself whether if its a dark and moody moment or a light one.

i guess every form of self expression is honest and authentic even if its a complete lie. the lie is authentic, the lie is true, even if the words arent, because the fact that you did it is true. something in you moved you to get it out of you. and you are always true.

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jaz-xedarix · 7 years ago

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Merry Christmas!!!

Hey guys!!!! I am sooo bloody busy! (mexicans goes crazy when you have to cook for many people...)

I am done with the translation of the introduction, but I will post it here because the coloring I did was a surprise I wanted to give you with this translation. I didn’t have time to finish it and give it to someone who can check it, even if there are just few pages...

I decided to take the risk and post it as I did it, because this time I didn’t use a bloody translator to do it (no internet conection at home. Here it is, as terrible as me, and with this coloring I made with all my love.

ROM IV

Prologue The Winter Visitor

…and in the name of our God we will put up our flags. Psalms, 20-5

—We request permission to enter into combat, excellence.

The first snow storm of the winter had turned the snowy road into a mud puddle. The mist. that was floating from the river that cross the plain was covering the terrain in a cold embrace.

It was six in the morning and the sun hadn't rise yet, which was normal in that time of the year. Typically, the darkness and the silence should have dominated the scene, but that day was different. The peace of the dawn disappeared with the clatter of the hoofs of the horses that were ridden by six figures and many lights were pursuing them. Turning to those lights that shine between the lush trees, an old man called out again:

—If we continue like this will be a matter of time to be captured. We will entertain them here so your excellence can scape.

— Silence, Ahmed!

Even with the fur of her horse all wet in sweat, the Countess of Babylon hit it again with the whip, while she asked her loyal servant to shut up. In the frozen air of the dawn, her screams turned into a pale steam.

—I will not left behind any of you. Instead of loose the time saying foolish things, you should run faster!

— I... I am so... sorry, exellence... It's my fault, we were discovered because of me.

The shaking voice was from Selim, that was riding beside his mistress. The youngest of the servants of the Countess of Babylon was holding the reins with a worried face.

— If only they hadn't saw me...

— Now it doesn't matter, stop blaming yourself — the Countess sighed trying to calm down the young terran

There had been three days since they escaped from Timisoara through those savage lands. At first they had traveled without being recognized, being careful they don't look suspicious when they got provisions in the Terran villages. But an inconvenient scream of the young Terran provoked that the barbarians discovered them. When they found a patrol, Selim. thought that the tobacco that the soldiers were smoking was a fire.

Anyway, the Countess of Babylon did not have the intention to scold the inexperienced guy. At the end, the fact that they were in that situation was her fault. If she hadn't been implicated without knowing in the complot organized by her uncle, the Duke of Tigris, she hadn't had to abandon her country taking her servants along, and they hadn't been persecuted by those barbarians of foreign lands.

Everything was because of her new condition as a rebel.

— We are lost, your excellence, the sun will rise soon! — Ahmed shrieked as he saw the outline on the mountains beyond the river.

The snow filled clouds had made them to take a long time to realize the bluish color that had begun to take over the sky. The original plan had been to hide in the thick woods and wait there for the sunset. The next day, they would continue their way to Albion through those barbarian lands. That was what they had planned, but everything had changed at once. As the situation was, even if they managed to escape the barbarians, they would not have time to find refuge in the city before sunrise.

— Stop everyone! ordered the countess, raising her arm.

In the distance were the domes and pinnacles of the strange city, surrounded by the course of the river.

It seemed like a lively city, but she knew her body would not last long enough. After making a decision, the Countess turned to her vassals.

— I want to thank you for following me until here. The house of the Counts of Babylon will always be grateful to you for the fidelity and dedication you have shown

— But ... what are you doing, Your Grace? — Ahmed cried urgently.

How could her mistress allow herself to talk so calmly in such a desperate moment? With the face of wanting to grab her from the lapels and run away, she continued in an urgent tone:

— We must hurry or they will overtake us!

— Indeed. Anyway, reaching us is only a matter of time ... That's why I've decided that I'll stay behind.

The faces of the vassals looks like if they were electrified. They were so astonished that they even forgot to answer, while the countess of Babylon spoke to them with serenity, but in a tone that could not allow a negative.

— I'll stay here. Thus, while I gain some time, you can flee. Then you can go back to the Empire and look for a new lord, or stay abroad ... From now on you are free.

— Have you lost your reason, Your Grace? — Ahmed cried when he recovered from the surprise. The old servant, who had accompanied his mistress since childhood in the house of the Duke of Tigris, shed tears of pain.

—No matter how many nobles there are in the Empire, we have no other mistress than you! Be it on the outside or in the Badlands, we will never abandon you! Please allow us to follow you.

— No way!

The whip banged hard.

With her eyes glittering, the imperial noble looked upon her vassals.

— Even if it was against my will, to have betrayed Augusta is my responsibility. If I also drag my vassals with me into disgrace, the name of my family will be dishonored for all eternity ... I have thought long and hard to make this decision. The next one who answers me I will slap him!

— But, mylady ...

Under the glare of amethyst of their mistress, the vassals bowed their heads.

If they had stretched out the arm, they could already have touched the halo of light of the lamps that pursued them. The gigantic silhouettes covered with iron plates would have them within reach of their automatic weapons in a few minutes.

Under normal circumstances, the fighting power of an imperial aristocrat would have been sufficient to disperse a patrol of armored cars like that. However, they were in hostile territory, and their final destination, Albion, was still more than a thousand miles away. To leave her mistress in such a situation was for the vassals as ripping off half of the body, and more considering that it would be for them alone to be safe.

—Then we'll take our own lives right here — Ahmed muttered, his head drawn, drawing his sword and wrapping it around his neck. — if our lady asks us to leave her behind. It is not for a loyal vassal to live more than his master. Even less to abandon his master in enemy territory, when every option is unloyality, there’s no other way than death!

— Dobitoc! What kind of nonesense are you saying! — shout the Countess with a nervous stare when she look at the first drops of blood running on the blade — you only have a short life and you want to waste it like this?

— Excuse my daring to said this but, isn’t your excelency the one who is going to waste her life? —answered Ahmed, without quiting the blade off his neck—. In this Badlands there’s not a wall of lapislazuli that can protect a methuselah. Staying here, alone is equal to suicide, you are smart to understand it!

The old man was screaming while his tears run through his cheeks, He wasn’t the only one who was sobbing. Selim, who was beside her and the rest of the vassels, all of them have the face full of tears. Looking at the Countess who was silent, ashamed, Ahmed tried hard to convince her.

— We are weak, but we have enough strenght to protect you from those barbarians… I beg you, let us stay with you until the end!

— You fools…

For an Aristocrat of the Empire, crying in front of Terrans was a big shame. The Countess rised her face to look to the sky, that was taking the color of the dove’s wings and said firmly

—The truth is, you don’t have remedy, well then, if you insist, I don’t have anything else to said. Do as you pleased.

— Tha… Thank you!

The five of them lower their heads at the same time. Looking at the wet but smiling faces of her vassals, the Countess of Babylon sigh to herself with a hint of hapiness.

Until when they will continue following a master so irresponsible as her? Any other noble would be happy to have so loyal vassals. They could have turned into vassals of the State or serving another aristocrat family. They could do whatever they wanted, instead of following her to a defeat and abandon the land where they had always lived in. They could…

“I have to protect them at any price”

“The noblest blood is the first to run” The Countess of Babylon took with decision two large silvery gloves that were hid on the saddle. She put them and extend them to the elbow and make the horse turn to face the armored vehicles that were chasing them.

— Well, the priority is to disperse the enemy, follow me! — she shout while whiping the horse.

As if it was possesed by the warrior spirit of its rider, it run like a bullet to the armored vehicle. When the machinegun on the vehicle of the right turn to shoot her, the methuselah wasn’t on the saddle anymore.

The Countess appeared like a mirage on the turret marked with the emblem of the double cross and aim in middle force one of her arms dressed in silver to the armor of the vehicle.

With a dull noise, the turret began to burn, the protection didn’t show any visible damage, but the engine of the of the iron monster was all destroyed and with a squeak of the brakes, the vehicle fall into a gutter and stopped.

—Now, Ahmed! Take advantage and cross their lines! — shout the countess when she was aiming to the next vehicle.

After she check that her vassals listened her orders, she tense her body again to enter into haste mode. The precious gems on the silver gloves began to shine with a blue light and the air surrounded her tremble like a flame under the effect of the vibration of the artefacts.

Meanwhile, their enemies hadn’t been with the arms crossed. The vehicle of the center managed to aim to the methuselah with the machinegun and fired.

The gust of bullets go through the bluish wind stright to where the Countess was.

But there wasn’t any agonic scream or the noise of ripped flesh. With a metallic noise, the bullets were deflected. It was like if an invisible wall appeared in front of their objective, the methuselah rush upon the origin of the attack. She put her hands under the vehicle and it and turn it around with a savage yell. The armored vehicle roll through the floor and it was now useless.

—Now the last one…

Looking at how their comrades dissapear at that rate, the vehicle of the left had a moment of confusion and it move erratically through the moody terrain. When they notice the confusion of their enemies, the countess smile. She didn’t lnow what was going to happen further, but it seems they can be out of this. Anyway… how weak were those enemies. She didn’t expect that the army of the Vatican…

Viendo cómo sus compañeros desaparecían a esa velocidad, el vehículo de la izquierda tuvo un momento de desconcierto en el que se movió de manera errática por el lodazal. Al percatarse de la confusión de sus adversarios, la condesa esbozó una sonrisa. No sabía qué les esperaba más adelante, pero de momento parecía que podrían salir de aquélla. De todos modos, vaya enemigos más debiluchos. No esperaba que el ejército del Vaticano…

—Your excelency!

The tense voice was of one of her vassals.

Up to the hill, there were more enemies!

—Damn! ¡Ahmed, you give up, I will…!

The voice of the Countess cut suddenly, she didn’t even know what was going on.

An horrible pain run all through her body, like if she was in the middle of a fire and a bright white light blind her. When she turn around, tambaleándose, her skin was full of burn wounds.

Was it the sun?

She can’t even scream.

A golden light illuminated the hills that were on the left. Even if the winter sun was weak, that golden disk was the lethal enemy of the methuselah. The bacilum, activated with the ultraviolet rays began to devour the body of her host. The aristocrat fall to the floor, suffering as if she was burning alive.

—No, your excelency!

Selim rush to her mistress and tried to rescue her. The methuselah was shaking and her mouth was forthing.

—Excelency, excelency!, hold on!

—Exceleny, are you ok?!

If they have keep on riding, maybe some of them could make it in the middle of the confussion. Whatever, the five vassals turn around their horses. As if they weren’t saw by the soldiers that were decending from the vehicle, they all go to see their mistress.

—Excelency, please, answer!

— Wh… why didn’t you scaped…? — the countess moaned violently, spitting blood, while she was looking all the worried faces of her vassals and the soldiers that were getting closer with their weapons ready — You must escape, there’s no need to…

—Excelency, please don’t ask us to…

The blood was filling the mouth of the methuselah turn her words into an incomprenhensable mumble. Anyways, her vassals seem to understand her perfectly.

— You are everything for us. — said Ahmed— If we have to left you behind, it’s the same for us to live or to die. Even the first choice is the worst… if we couldn’t survive all together, at least we will die together.

Kneeling, the five vassals were in circle around their mistress, trying to protect her from the sun with their shadows. At their back, the chief of the soldiers that surrounded them make a sign with his arm.

— Aim!—said to the soldiers and the machinegun of the armored vehicle, shout with tense voice. — The enemy is a vampire, we cannot fail, it was…!

—Wait, lieutenant Dobó!

The voice that interrupted the officer came from the vehicle

The man, equiped with auriculars, that looks like being a radio operator, shout from the top of vehicle

— There’s a call from the headquarters for you lieutenant!

—A call?

Once he recovered from the impression, the officer nod. He run to the vehicle and took the auriculars.

— It’s Dobó —said with an annoying formality—. Affirmative. One of the objectives is in fact a vampire. We had captured it and we are going to kill… What!?, no, but… fine, understood. We will do as you instructed.

The lieuteneant was nodding with an angry expression like if he was taking a nasty medicine. When the red light announcing the end of the connection turns on, he give back the auriculars to the radio operator and turn to face his second officer that was looking at him, waiting for orders.

— Hit the prisioners until they shut their mouths — said firmly —. And prepare the Holy Water, we are going to act according to the protocol.

I hope you like it, and it don’t have so many mistakes, if so please tell me. Merry Xmas! <3

#trinity blood #trinity blood manga #manga colorings #fan translation

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