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ponyregrets · 10 hours ago

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I wanted to write about Buck and Eddie going in the ocean and I'd written most of it before I thought to check what the weather in LA is actually like right now (look, I'm in New England, I just think of it as Warm down there, okay?) and I decided to go with it anyway. as @frightfullytreeish said, get chilly, idiots

(806 coda, 1900 words, also on AO3)

"Hey, what brings you joy?"

Eddie is expecting some waffling in Buck's response. Maybe some suspicion. It's a weird thing to ask, obviously. Joy isn't a word he uses much, isn't a go-to. But even if what makes you happy is a more normal question, it's not right. He needs something deeper.

And of course there's the Tommy of it all. Buck hasn't exactly been mourning or anything, but he's obviously down. It wouldn't be unreasonable for him to say that nothing is bringing him joy at the moment. It's not a particularly joyful time.

But Buck doesn't hesitate, doesn't question. He just says, "The ocean," and doesn't even ask why Eddie wants to know.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I never saw it until I left Hershey. We never went to the beach or anything when I was a kid. The first time I saw it, I fell in love. It was the best thing I'd ever seen."

"I didn't know that."

Buck shrugs. "Doesn't come up that much. And I guess I always think I'll get used to it? But it's amazing every time. I never get tired of it."

He should have known, right? They've gone to the ocean together. Or--well, they've had calls near the water before. That guy who got struck by lightning. The shark.

The tsunami.

But they've never just gone. Buck has never tagged along with him and Chris on any of their trips, and he and Buck have no reason to just take a beach day together.

Joy doesn't need a reason, right? He can just do it.

"Cool," says Eddie. "Let's go."

"Now?"

"What else are we doing?"

It hasn't been a problem, exactly, their lack of things to do. It's just kind of new, the way they're hanging out in the last week. Usually they have Chris, or girlfriends, or boyfriends. They have some reason to stop being together, and now they just…don't. And Buck just keeps on coming over, hanging out on Eddie's couch, in his space, like he can't bear to be in his loft now that Tommy isn't there.

Or something.

"You got some trunks I can borrow?" Buck asks.

"Are we swimming?"

"You want to go to the beach and not swim?"

Most of the time, that's what he does. When Chris was younger he'd get in the water, but the last few years it's been Eddie supervising while Chris does his own thing far enough away that it doesn't look like he's being supervised.

But Chris is in Texas. And, yeah, it's November, but Buck doesn't seem to care.

"I'll see what I've got," he says and finds he has two pairs of trunks in good enough shape that he's not embarrassed about anyone wearing them. Small miracles.

He throws the bigger pair to Buck and then goes to change in his bedroom. Buck will be doing the same thing in the bathroom, not for the first time, but he's never been changing into Eddie's trunks before. Did Ana ever wear anything of his? Marisol didn't. Buck might be the first person since Shannon.

As long as they fit, it's fine. Not a big deal at all.

They take Buck's car, the podcast he's listening to about the issues with the keto diet resuming as soon as he turns it on. Hen has gotten tired of explaining why his diets might be a problem herself and is outsourcing, which Eddie can't blame her for, but he doesn't find the resources nearly as interesting as Buck does. He already knows he doesn't want to do keto.

"You don't need to cheer me up, you know," Buck says, about halfway to the beach, without bothering to pause the keto thing. "I'm doing okay."

"I know."

It's mostly true. Buck has seemed fine with the breakup. Not happy, but not heartbroken either. He's been a little quiet about it, more so than Eddie was expecting. All he'll say is that Tommy initiated it, but he understands why.

"I'm trying to be happier," he tells Buck. "For me."

"Is that a thing you can try? Like, aren't you just happy or not?"

"If that was true, the ocean wouldn't bring you joy, right?" He lets out a breath, his stomach tied in inconvenient knots. "Someone pointed out that when I had the choice between something that would make me happy and something that wouldn't, I picked the one that wouldn't."

Buck mulls this over for a long moment. "I always figured that's because you're more mature than I am." It's only half a joke.

"Yeah, that's one way of looking at it." His breath shudders more this time. "Anyway. I'm not doing that anymore. I'm looking for things that bring me joy. So I figure if the ocean does that for you, maybe it'll do it for me, too."

"I hope so."

They set up like Eddie would with Chris, towels and belongings planted in the sand, the only difference that they left their phones in the car since no one is staying behind. He keeps his back turned as they shed the layers of clothing they have on, but when Buck hands him a tube of sunscreen, he has no choice but to stare at the expanse of bare back. The motions are familiar, nothing he hasn't done a thousand times for Chris, but…

Well, he's never done it for Buck.

Buck makes him turn around so he can return the favor, a much less familiar process. These days, he usually leaves his shirt on.

But he knows Buck's hands. They're familiar, all heat and callus. Careful, incongruously so. Buck looks like he's built clumsy, someone who can't do delicate work, and maybe he knows that too. Like happiness to Eddie, precision doesn't come naturally to Buck. He has to put the effort in, and he does. Eddie's skin lights up with every stroke of Buck's hands, so he's sure that Buck gets every inch.

And then he keeps going a little longer. Just to make sure.

"Okay," says Buck at last. "We're good to go."

Eddie is expecting Buck to run into the ocean like an overgrown puppy, all bright enthusiasm despite the chill, but he's cautious. He dips a toe in, then his foot, then the other. He walks in slowly enough that Eddie overtakes him, even though he's not running. He's just eager.

"The first time I went into the ocean, I was in Virginia Beach," Buck explains without making Eddie ask. "It was May, and I thought it would be warm enough, it was a hot May. But I ran in and it was so cold. I ran right back out."

"Goes to show," says Eddie.

"What, exactly? I know how the water's going to be today. It's cold."

The water is probably around the same temperature as it was in Virginia Beach in May. Eddie shivers, but doesn't stop, not until he's up past his knees. He smiles at Buck, who's still just letting the waves lap his toes. "Yeah, it's nice anyway. It's hot out."

"Not hot enough."

"It's fine."

He's in up to his ankles now. "You're not getting the joy, though."

"I am."

"Eddie."

"I'm getting used to it."

"You're not supposed to get used to it. You're supposed to be be making choices that make you happy right away, right?"

"I am happy," he says again, and it doesn't feel like a lie. "It's nice, there's no one else here. And it's not cold enough for us to get hypothermia."

"Are you sure this isn't just for me?" Eddie cocks his head, and Buck clarifies, "For my benefit."

"Should it be?"

Buck kicks at a wave. "He said I wasn't ready. Tommy. That's why he broke up with me. I asked him to move in with me, and he broke it off instead."

"So he's an idiot," Eddie says. "Always knew there was a chance, but I was hoping I was wrong."

"Is he, though? Was he wrong? I didn't really want him to move in. I just wanted…" He huffs. "I want to be done with this, you know? I'm ready to be with someone. And I think it could have been him."

It's not like getting shot, or even like getting punched. It's like a bullet or a fist going past him, close enough to graze the skin. Close enough that he's thinking about how much it could have hurt.

"But that's shitty, right? Like, how long could I have kepg going just because I didn't have a reason to break up with him? He was…fun. I liked him. I liked feeling like I'd figured it out. Like that was the last piece. I like guys too."

"Maybe it was," Eddie says. The water is lapping against his legs, the surf gentle. He's used to the temperature where he's submerged, but it's only halfway up his thighs. Every time the droplets splash higher, there's this shock of sharp little pinpricks.

He's so fucking happy.

"Maybe that was the last piece, but that doesn't mean Tommy is it. Maybe you're ready, but you're not ready for him."

"I'm just tired," says Buck. "I'm tired of waiting for someone to want me enough, you know? I'm ready to settle."

"You shouldn't," says Eddie. "You shouldn't be with someone just to be with anyone."

"You can build it," he argues, like Chris angling for a later bedtime or more video games before homework. "Love. Like you and Shannon did."

Nausea roils his stomach. "We didn't. It wasn't like that."

"I know it wasn't perfect, but you two were working on it. You were going to--"

"She wanted a divorce. Before she died. That was one of the last things she told me. We weren't going to have another kid, we weren't going to get married again, we weren't going to be together." He's not crying, but in that way where he is very aware that he's not crying. Where Not Crying is currently defining his existence. "I think we could have been friends," he says. "And maybe we could have figured it out. Been together again, made it good. That's what I told myself. And that's…easy."

"Easy?" Buck asks, in a small voice. Like Eddie is telling him a fairy tale he wishes could be true.

Which Eddie is, actually.

"If she was the love of my life and I lost her, then that was it. No one else would ever measure up. Nothing else could ever be as good. It was never going to work."

"But she wasn't?"

"Maybe she was. Or maybe--" He's Not Crying. "Maybe I don't just get one love, or even just one life. Maybe it doesn't have to be about finding her again. It can be about finding someone new. Someone who…"

He chokes then, the words dying in his throat. Buck is dazzling in the sunlight, his eyes as blue as the sea, his expression open, waiting. His whole existence focused on Eddie.

Eddie would marry him today. Eddie would marry him tomorrow, Eddie would marry him yesterday. Eddie would tie himself to Buck in any way Buck could think of, in every way, with wills, with contracts, with mortgages, with handcuffs, with string.

"Someone who brings me joy," he finishes.

"Joy," says Buck. He looks over the horizon, smiles, shakes his head.

Eddie's chest is too small and too big. He's never had so much in him.

"I've never had that," he muses. "Someone who makes me feel like the ocean."

"Like the ocean," Eddie says. "Yeah."

#9-1-1 #911 spoilers #buddie #911 fic

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softquietsteadylove · 5 months ago

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Hiii darling, how are you?

I had a promt idea and i wanted to share it with you.

What about thenamesh being broken up 😈.

Like i know thats basically imposible because they can not be apart from each other for a long time ( but relationships are hard you know).

So they haven't seen each other in a very long time, and they completely over one another, they even dated other people, but both are currently single.

They are completely over each other, Gilgamesh is NOT constantly thinking about Thena's beautiful sunshine hair, or how smarth she was or her gorgeous long legs he could stare at all day long of course not, and is not like Thena everyday thinks about how charming Gilgamesh was, or how he could make her feel better just saying something dumb or how she got distracted just by looking at those big and strong arms of his, not at all they are soo over each other and they don't even wanna meet again.

But when they do see each other again it goes like this:

- Thena and Gil walking directly to each other whitout realising.

They make eyecontact and fully stop

They stare at each other intensely

Gil : Thena hello ! - dumb smile

Thena : Hello - small blush

The tension in the air can be cut with a butter knife

"Mamma mia" by ABBA starst playing in the background

And thats about it 😊, sorry for any mistakes english is not my first language, and thank you for sharing your works with us they are so beautiful, i love them all, they make my days better 🩷🤍.

"Come on, Gil, don't get all emo on us now!"

But he'd had enough--more than enough. He had only agreed to a night out with the boys because he had dodged them ten times for every one, and tonight was the eleventh hour. Even with all that, it wasn't enough to keep him in the pub with pounding music and the stink of smoke.

Thena hated the smell of smoke.

His friends would tell him not to think that way. For all the times he had sworn to them that he was over her, here he was thinking of her again?

But of course he was! Thinking about Thena was as natural to him as breathing, and the breakup had done nothing to change that. It still felt almost surreal sometimes, as if the last year and a half of his life was still in the haze of post-breakup blues. All the months spent moping around his apartment, the weeks after of being set up with blank face after blank face. He had even maintained a relationship eventually, only to have called her 'Thena' one time (entirely by accident).

He had omitted that part of the story to his friends when they asked 'what happened to what's-her-name?'.

Gil had tried the dating thing, but it was becoming clearer and clearer that it wasn't working for him. If it wasn't Thena, it wasn't for him. And that didn't bode well, considering they had parted ways with the stark promise that there would be no getting back together.

No regrets, they had said. He was going to put the hours into the kitchen that he needed to as the new head chef of a long established restaurant. Thena was going to focus her razor sharp intellect into pursuing her PHD while working at the museum. He had once called her the 'rock star' of the historical world. She hadn't appreciated it at the time.

For their shared declaration of no regrets, there were plenty. He had lamented to his friends how he hadn't expressed enough interest in Thena's work. He didn't watch the historical programs she liked to watch in bed; he fell asleep to them. Although in his defense, Thena never could get through a boxing match without checking a work email or swearing she was paying attention while she read something on her phone.

Thena was on the other side of town, in Sersi's old flat after she and Dane had decided to finally move in together. She had always done best with her own space, after all. Yet another regret; their half-assed compromise - which made neither of them happy - on how to use the second bedroom. Gil wanted a home gym and Thena wanted a home office. It ended up housing his exercise equipment cramped in with all the books she couldn't fit onto the living room shelves.

It was the truest compromise, in the sense that they were both left frustrated and unsatisfied by the results.

Really, it was them making old fights into new ones. He knew she liked having her own space. Anyone would, after growing up with an annoying twin brother like Ikaris their whole life, he could admit. But he hadn't really appreciated her bringing up that he was an only child as a reason for him not sympathising with her more.

It was little things, really. Little things that had just...piled up on them. Him kicking his shoes off hastily, forgetting that Thena had grown up in a preparatory school and liked everything arranged neatly. Her leaving her teabags piled up in the garbage instead of in the organic waste container he kept in the fridge, specifically because the kitchen was his domain and he didn't like unwanted smells hovering around.

Little things piling up; it was for the best, they had agreed.

And now, a year and a half later, here he was, outside a pub, in the snow. He checked his phone; the night was young, but his friends were enough pints in that maybe they wouldn't notice if he decided to just...leave. If they asked, he could say it was way later, they just weren't remembering it right.

He walked slowly, still staring at his phone. It was the blank, default phone background. He hadn't settled on a new one after needing to take down the picture of him and Thena on their trip to Australia. It wasn't any more pathetic than the rest of his life.

"Sorry," a soft voice uttered, scuffling feet in snow filling the air as they narrowly avoided one another.

Her eyes rose to meet his, still a sparkling green that contrasted the hair that was the colour of pure sunshine. She was dressed in all white, as she always was. He had always said it was her colour. "Hey."

The one word was like the cavalry call. Memories flowed through him. Some of the bad times. But the happy ones far, far outweighed them. There were so many happy ones it was a wonder they had ever decided they weren't worth the bad.

Thena was still the most beautiful woman Gil had ever seen. Her edges were so sharp, and yet she still possessed a softness--a fragility to her delicate frame. It was hard to tell under her long white coat if she looked different, but he remembered those long legs entwined with his in the hammock on their balcony. Her lips were still full and succulent like a berry.

"Hey." He smiled, and she smiled as well. There was a lightness to it that hadn't been there when she had left her key with him and closed the door behind her. "How are you?"

"Good," she answered plainly, as she always had. Her eyes darted down to the ground and she tucked some hair behind her ear, still a clear tell of when she was nervous. His heart skipped a beat as he caught a blush in her cheeks. "And you?"

"Yeah," he answered, not that it was much of an answer. He had yet to stop smiling, but she was still smiling too. "Restaurant's doing well--same old."

Thena nodded, some of her hair tumbling from her scarf wound loosely around her. "I read a review of it. Your praises were sung most eloquently."

She had such a poetry to her language. Some found it odd, but Gil had always admired her more elegant word choice in comparison to his easy and casual phrases. He had tried writing poetry, but he was no match for her simply describing how her day was.

"Yeah?" he grinned. The idea of her checking a review of his work was more than he could have hoped for. It felt like hearing that she had asked if he was seeing anyone.

"I'm not surprised," she stated more than confessed. "You have always been an excellent chef. I wouldn't have needed some culinary reporter to tell me that."

Emboldened by her olive branch, Gil stepped closer. "And how's the doctorate?"

Her pleased smile returned, her scarf even picking up in the wind and brushing the front of his army green jacket. She used to always put her hand on his chest for no good reason, whenever she wanted. "I'll be submitting by the end of this year. Nothing is signed yet, but I'm told things look promising."

His grin stretched wider. The word 'rock star' was on his tongue again but he inhaled, drawing up his shouldering instead of wrapping his arms around her and picking her up off the ground. "Hey, that's great! I mean, I knew you'd get it. You're way too good not to."

Thena's eyes drifted downward again. Her smile turned shaky and her hands went to the buttons of her coat. She swayed on the spot, as if unsure of which direction to lean. "Thanks, Gil."

The snow filled in the silence between them, Mamma Mia positively blaring from inside the pub. The flashing, coloured lights inside proved stronger than the tint of the windows, reflecting on the snow already fallen.

Thena broke the silence first. "I'm surprised you're out this late."

Once, that might have been a barb about how he always had to sleep early to get into the restaurant early (especially on nights when she had a work social at the museum). But that was years ago, and now it was a casual - if nervous - question asked in a playful tone.

Gil smiled. "Well, usually I wouldn't. But the guys have really started giving me a hard time about-"

He clamped his mouth shut, suddenly terrified of uttering the truth of his dismal life since her exit. Surely it was pathetic of him to tell his ex-girlfriend about how all he did was lie around watching the same five shows and living almost completely off of leftovers from work.

But Thena laughed. It was gentle, and light, and he still found it really cute. "So, you came out tonight just to appease them?"

Her laughter drew out his as well. His shoulders lowered and his hands shuffled around in his pockets. "Guess so."

Thena looked towards the dark glass of the windows. It took her a few minutes to build up to what she had to say. But rather than eagerly rush her, he waited, happy to admire her. "I have become even less social than before, if you can believe it."

"Wow," he commented outright, earning the mildest form of her glare possible. He chuckled, though. "I can't believe it."

She could have left it there if she wanted. But she kept holding her scarf at the ends, braving on. "It seems I've been a bit reclusive since..."

It was Thena to bridge the unspoken gap, utter those completely forbidden words. But in that way, it was also her extending her hand, asking him to take it.

Gil turned soft, as he always did with her. His voice lowered to nearly a whisper, like it would after she'd had a night terror and needed comforting. "I guess I have too."

She had closed the distance as much as she could. She needed more from him, going quiet again and staring into his chest.

Gil eagerly met her halfway, pulling his hands from his pockets and crushing her against him. It was just a hug, something friends could do (if she decided she would regret this, too). "I missed you."

But she slid her arms around him. She buried her nose in his jacket and he leaned over her, practically engulfing her in his arms. She inhaled, drinking in the scent of him.

"Sorry, I probably smell like fryer oil," he excused. She had always hated that smell.

She shook her head, still buried in him. "I missed it."

How was he not supposed to fall in love with her all over again?

"Hey," he said gently, only encouraging her to pull away enough to look at him. He brushed some hair from the crown of her head. "Would you wanna grab something? We could get a decaf...something--you still don't drink, right?"

Thena beamed as if he had asked her something so much more than just terrible coffee. But small things - like remembering that she didn't really enjoy drinking - always meant the most to her. "I'd love to."

Just hearing the word from her lips made his heart leap in joy. It remembered hearing that word so often from her. It wanted to hear it again.

"So, uh," Gil began, leading her away from the pub with her hand in his. Maybe it was too much to hold hands with someone he had just asked out, but Thena's hand held onto his just as firmly. "That 24 hour place is still open. I heard they have daily specials now."

"Sounds lovely." She hadn't become a conversationalist. But she held onto his hand, letting him go on about the pastries in the window and how it was under new ownership. He didn't mention how he couldn't even look at the place for the first two months after their breakup.

Gil looked at her but didn't stop walking as she leaned against him. "You okay? We don't have to go out, if you're tired. You can just come over and I can make you some tea."

She buried her face in his sleeve. "You think I'm the type to go home with you on the first night we've met?"

He paused for a second before letting out a laugh that would wake anyone out of a dead sleep. "Are you flirting with me?"

"You seem much more the flirtatious type."

Thena was happy to play coy about it, but he knew she was flirting because she was terrible at it when they'd first started dating. "Maybe I am."

"You could take a girl to dinner, first." It was light, witty banter, her favourite kind. She was relaxing more and more.

"How's tomorrow?"

He waited for her response, only able to look at the top of her head with her leaning on him. But it made him think of the beach in Australia when he had first told her he loved her. He had thought it plenty of times before, but that was the first time he had spoken the words. Maybe he would get the chance to say them again.

Thena adjusted their arms, linking them at the elbows, still revealing nothing of her expression as she said, "it's a date."

#Thenamesh AU #thank you so much for the ask!!!!!#this is an incredible idea!#and never be embarrassed about your English you're doing amazing sweetie!#anyway this is such an amazing concept I really hope you like it #because you're right relationships are hard #life happens #these two fall so hard and so fast that there's no time for anythign else #even as two people at the most crucial time in their careers #Gil is always going in early and staying late for the restaurant #Thena has to be buried in resarch and work and theses all day #they have no quality time to just...chill #Gil tries dating #it does NOT go well #listen no one wants the guy hung up on his ex #they meet him for ten minutes and go oh no he's still in love with her #he didn't even realise he'd called her Thena until she was slamming the door behind her #Thena has kept it very very secret #she's tried to date a few times #she gets coffee because of course she does #she's not wasting her time on a whole ass dinner #and just as well because she never likes them anyway #they're not as sweet as Gil #or as charming or as funny or as handsome #the last date she went on she legitimately faked a phone call emergency and ran out #Mamma mia here we go again indeed

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