#anyway these are just scraps i've made while playing the game haha

[beamattack]

assorted Persona 3 scribbles (i finished the game a couple of days ago)

[sysig]

I have made

the rough

of an improv card game

[pyjamacryptid]

*points with a whole lot of passionate agreement and teary eyes!!!!* I love your further analysis, and as a result I have more thoughts so I'm going to ramble them here, rather than get cut off by the tag limit (I can't believe I reached it last time lmaooo). This is no planned out essay but I'm going to put it under a keep reading break because this is Getting Long lol

I've noticed Morgana only deals in extremes. If she loves you, she LOVES you. If she hates you, she HATES you. If she didn't care for you? Um, do you even exist lol? But she's so extreme that the two "sides" are actually right next to one another. She thinks she's pulled a 180 when really it's a 360 and she's simply at the joining end of the circle, facing where she began. If she hates you, it's because she loves you too much to know how to deal with the pain she's feeling. If she hates you, it's because you're the next best thing to direct her pain and loathing at. And, like I said, Arthur was the next best thing. Uther had his legacy on a marble pedestal and polished it every waking second while his son was begging by his feet for scraps of acknowledgement and his daughter pleading just to be let in the room.

Then the coward died. Arthur inherited the throne. Morgana inherited his hatred.

Arthur opened the door to Morgana but by that point she had made him a substitute. Because, like it was with Merlin's reveal at the end of the series, it was never about the magic. Less and less was her vendetta about magic liberation. It was "I'll hate you before you can hate me first". It was "it's only fair I take what Uther treasured more than me, that I destroy what Uther valued over me" Uther valued (and feared) appearance over his own familial bonds. Uther did love them, as much as he can probably love someone (condition upon upon condition upon condition). But he saw his children as extensions of himself and not as real, true, autonomous people. Yes, it's true that appearances are certainly important in such a political world, especially as a ruler. But Uther used appearances to control Arthur and Morgana.

Arthur, whether he knows it in those words or not, knows Uther values this. He was probably taught this, groomed to be King like he was. And so, he caters to Uther's value and fear of appearance. He mitigates any "scenes" in court. He makes sure not to appear like he's against his father when in the company of others and court. If he must convince Uther of something, he frames it as beneficial to Camelot and/or how it might make them appear to allies/enemies (negatively or positively). If someone speaks out stupidly in court (Merlin) or is being punished for speaking out (Morgana), he makes it appear to Uther like he will deal with his servant (as if it's below Uther, and he's Arthur's responsibility anyway, so sorry sire) when really he's agreeing with Merlin and plans to help him, and he makes it appear to Uther like Morgana has tooootally learnt her lesson, so remorseful (gnashing her teeth and swearing in the bg lol), maybe no more dungeon haha yeah sire?

But, even if Arthur has learned how to play the game Uther has forced him to participate in, Arthur is more prisoner to it than anything else. Even after Uther dies. It's so ingrained in him, by then. Like, for eg, when Agravaine manipulated him to kill the King of Carleon, Agravaine weaved a huge tapestry of BULLSHIT about how this will make him appear like a strong king, like his father. Despite, this - and despite relapses - Arthur usually manages to break out of it. Because Arthur values honesty. He might need reminding of it (which I think he's aware of, in some way. Merlin is his main touchstone but he surrounds himself with anchors), but once he is reminded of it, he sheds the mask Uther wanted to be his own face. But, unfortunately, that doesn't always mean people see that. Especially not when they don't want to see it. You can be as honest and as vulnerable as you want but some people have already made up their minds. Like Morgana had. Morgana also knew how to play this game. Of course she did. Despite her compulsive smirking (affectionate), she wasn't caught by anyone but Merlin and Gwen until she wanted to be. Because she had appearance on her side. Because she was Uther's ward, whom he loved so much, oh-so-traumatised from a year of captivity. But, unlike Arthur who catered to Uther's value and fear of appearances, Morgana - even pre-s3 - always challenged appearances. From the first episode. "Let's give them a night they'll really remember." She used it when it was beneficial to her, and fought it when it was no longer beneficial to her.

Morgana had the freedom to challenge them, however (this statement is made in comparison to Arthur, keep in mind). She was a ward, not an heir. But, just like Arthur, she was also prisoner to it. Though, differently. I bet Arthur has done the "agree with father in public, believe morgana in private" routine hundreds of times, even before Merlin came to Camelot and we, the audience, could see it. But, it's like Morgana falls for it every time. And I don't necessarily blame her. Imagine screaming in a room and everyone looking at you like you're crazy or care too much and the one person who probably believes you and has some power to back you up is like "nope, boss is right" in front of everyone. That SUCKS. Even if it was all a lie and he's totally on your side anyway. Because it's all behind closed-doors. But, she continued to see only the appearances. Even when Arthur is kneeling in front of her, trapped and heartbroken, she can't see beyond the memory of the mask. Or, she doesn't want to. I don't know. But, bringing it back to Uther (naturally, because he's the root cause of this rot, isn't he) - Uther imprisoned Arthur with the appearances an heir should be concerned with. Uther imprisoned Morgana with the exact same appearances. Only, it was the "protection" of Arthur's appearances, which was really, ultimately, the "protection" of Uther's appearances, all by shoving Morgana in a locked box and yeeting it into the Mariana Trench.

This took priority over telling his daughter she was his daughter, even privately, even after she had just woken up from almost dying.

Uther went on about how he couldn't lose Morgana, that she meant so much to him, that he would do anything to save her - but it wasn't enough to tell her just how much she meant? It must make his love feel like deceit. It must have reinforced what Morgana was already concluding; Uther's legacy meant more to him than she did. He would do anything to save her? Yeah, right. Not up against that. Appearances can be deceiving. And I'm pretty sure Morgana chose what "face" to believe long before Arthur could have done much of anything to prove otherwise.

I always think of this scene and the feast with Sarrum in conjunction.

Arthur seems betrayed over and over again by Morgana, like every time is the first time, because it feels like the first time to him

He’s always had the uncanny ability to stand up for her in court, behind Uther’s back for sure, but he had made her a priority when she showed up at his door

And on his trips. And for his counsel. And at his battles. Wherever she invited herself along, he would make the effort to see her, and value her input, like she was equally as important as an advisor even as a cast-off ward, or however much a nobody the rest of the court perceived her- ‘high strung’ and valuable only to look at

…He would think of her, and her well-being, constantly

Even if he had to smile through the pain and lift his goblet at Sarrum, even if he had to put up the pretense of not caring

Just like he said in ‘Lancelot and Guinevere’ - “my father is right Morgana” when she had begged him for help publicly

But afterwards, when he retires to his chambers, he would put on his armor for Morgana

Take up his sword and shield

And believe her

Even if he must do it in secret…

And that’s what makes this scene all the more heartbreaking to me, because yes, appearances can be deceiving

And he had his friends and family fooled all along, if they believed that he had ever stopped loving her