#anyway there's no need to send me literally anything | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

imstillhere-butallislostart · 2 years ago

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It's my 8 months on testosterone and I'm having one of the worst days of my life, you want to send me money sooo bad

K*-fi.com/butallislost

P*aypal.me/Dannyampora

#no links bc Tumblr hates those #anyway there's no need to send me literally anything #but it would be greatly appreciated #this is probably the worst day I've had in the past year #which always makes it harder to deal with because when time passes I tend to lose the skills to cope #and I have a 300 dollar dentist appointment soon #and my testosterone needs to be picked up next month and that's 200 #and the job i thought would hire me has not reached out to me yet #bad month so far let me tell ya #i also don't post on ko fi #but I'm trying to #i just don't understand it #not art

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pendraegon · 25 days ago

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thesis updates: sent the draft to my advisor -> she said it was "incoherent" and that she was "shocked" at my work and instead of telling me anything in detail as to what's wrong directs me to the writing center then proceeds to cc my committee members saying that she's at a loss with what to do with me -> was confused because... did i send her the wrong draft?? it seemed pretty solid to me?? like i was genuinely proud of it??? -> next day she sends me another email saying that actually my draft isn't bad at all and it just needs some reworking ???????

#you know what the problem is.#she's been telling me to write my thesis like a research article so i've been copying how it is in the articles she sends me #and so im like. clearly this isn't working if she's upset by this and didn't expect this. go rooting around my uni's websites to see #what the hell im doing wrong bc i must be doing something wrong but i dont know and my advisor wont TELL me what's wrong with the format #no examples of theses on the theses/dissertations page of my uni. knew that already but checked again #no examples of theses on the theses page of my program. knew that but double checked.#ended up rooting around for an HOUR and then stumbled upon a bunch of theses from my program #that is [1] not linked ANYWHERE on my program page or on the thesis page. [2] literally by good luck that i stumbled upon this cause it has #a bunch of MA theses from the past 20 years on here #read like 20 of them. realize that there's a specific format that my advisor just NEVER TOLD ME????? TO WRITE IN??#realize that i just kinda need to restructure my work a bit but it's actually not as bad as i expected #also. during my 'fake' defense last semester she was pissed at me about my charts but...everyone is using the format of charts i did ??????#oh. that's another thing. my advisor said that i 'defended' to the program coordinator even though i didn't actually defend anything and #she just told me flat out it was a no go so. lol.#anyways. it's. 4 am and im working on this stupid thing. im SO over it.#guys. im starting to fear im not the problem but my advisor is LMAO

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deoidesign · 3 months ago

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I’m a trans man that recently got diagnosed with hyper mobile eds, so now seeing Steve makes me extra happy, because cool disabled ftm rep. Thanks for making the radical dude bro, he’s funky.

same disability (waving hand emoji)

Always extremely fulfilling to know my work makes people happy in some small way, it means a lot. Thank you for sharing with me

#I dont talk about having eds cause its not specifically really relevant to my work #been diagnosed with it since 17. woag 10 years next april...#anyways. yeah idk I like the blog to be about my art and I'm used to people asking me a LOT of questions about EDS or disability or canes #just a lot of stuff unrelated to my art. I'm happy to talk about it but I don't want it to be the focus of my blog!#So I've p much chosen to mostly just. not talk about it. even though I'm literally fine talking about it #it's just rarely relevant and no one needs to know LOL #but. I also know that EDS can feel very lonely #and that it's really nice to know other people out there have it #so. hi anon you're not alone #also just in case. literally don't feel bad about anything in the tags here LOL #mostly just like 'please people do not start sending me asks about whether or not you should go to the doctor'#or asks about ableist family members #or venting about pain...#just a lot of invasive and boundary crossing asks the more I talk about it hahahah #but I don't mind sharing at all.#sorry I think I lost the plot on this one #good luck on your journey. starting to accomodate yourself does wonders #and really just extremely happy my work could reach you in this way #sending you love #asks #anon

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icewindandboringhorror · 1 month ago

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I occasionally wish to reach out to old friends/acquaintances I haven't spoken to since high school/some other even earlier time in my life, but I have SOOO little social energy even for required tasks (like making dr phone calls or etc), I never have any leftover for extra ones, and it would be very odd to message someone I haven't spoken to in like 5 years out of the blue but then take 4 entire months to respond back lol.. My natural curiosity with nostalgia/collecting details of the past/etc. (literally if I were born a little earlier I would definitely do scrapbooking or something lol) is very strong, but, alas, not strong enough to beat out the Social Issues Demons apparently

#facebook always does that 'here's a post from this day 8 years ago' thing. and I see old comments interacting #with people and it's so like.. OOOOO~~ where are they now?? what's going on? how much have they changed as people?#how much are they the same? this is fascinating. i should contact them!!' but then it's like... take that to it's logical conclusion though #you would contact them and then IF they even responded it would take you 80 years to respond and then they would #think there was something wrong or that you were trying to be insulting or something. To contact anyone I need to include an 85 page #disclaimer of all of my social issues & mental illness things. 'If i take 3 weeks to reply I promise it has nothing to do with u' etc lol #THIS is why more people need to be into phone calls/voice calls/some form of audio real time communication/etc.#I think one of the main things that's hard about messaging through text for me is it's so unscheduled and open ended #(plus it takes forever if you're talking about anything in detail and gets very long very quickly)#because like you can send a message and then just get a reply whenever. and then you're expected to reply back whenever #so it's like you never know when the response will come or when a new obligation to reply can come up? so it's like this sudden thing with #no outline?? if that makes sense. whereas a phone call is very like 'hello let's schedule a call from 10am - 2pm on thursday'. And you know #EXACTLY when the interaction will start and EXACTLY when it will end and you can plan around it in your schedule easily.#I have the reverse thing of a lot of people (how people don't pick up phone calls/hate calls/only text)#I would literally talk on the phone with a stranger. I would have a discord voice chat with someone I barely know.#if someone I hardly even remember from elementary school asked to have a voice call with me out of nowhere I would do it.#but if a stranger MESSAGED me?? or someone I barely know sent me a TEXT or something?? I will never reply probably #It's just too vague and weird. and you can't read voice tone over text. and the interaction could last forever with no clear end #point and etc. etc. But a call is like. set. established. clear boundaries. you can read the flow of conversation better. rapport. etc. etc #I get that I guess people feel more anonymous or distanced over text?? but you can have fake phone numbers on the computer. or do like disc #rd calls. or zoom without a camera or etc. etc. Also the distance that's present in text is BAD distance because it just means that tone is #not conveyed properly and you will never truly get a sense of the person's conversational vibe or mannerisms or how well you really click.#ANYWAY ghgjh...... I'm so so so interested in concepts of like.. How did that one kid I used to talk to in elementary school #but then they moved away in 5th grade - how did they end up? what are they doing now?? etc. etc. Like despite the severe social anhedonia #and general lack of connection with others I'm just really fascinated in like.. idk. the human development of it all and like #the concept of how we're actually a million different people through the course of our lives ever evolving in different iterations and etc.#PLUS again. i love nostalgia. sometimes old peple you know might remember a shared memory or can tell you about something you forgot #or etc. like it's SUCH A COOL THING in CONCEPT but I am too socially inept generally speaking lol. which people I still talk to today are #familiar with my 'phone call once every few months' communication style. but strangers would just be like... wtf. And I don't blame them #Sure I literally cannot change the physical health + brain issues i have - but also I know enough to not put others through that lol

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nomairuins · 2 months ago

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i like overthink everything now it makes me feel so dumb. i used 2 be able to just talk 2 ppl but nowadays every single thing im like Is that actually going to make them hate me. Yes probably. and then i just dont respond which makes ppl hate me. this is how it is

#ive been overthinking 1 light and casual mildly funny response to something but im worried itll come off as disrespectful and dismissive And #make me seem stupid and uncaring all at the same time. and also be seen as insulting. but like idt itd be insulting right like. im not #saying what it is so ig for all you guys know im like I mean if i say All your shit suck ball and i hateit kys. <- thats not the thing i was #going to say #like it doesnt matter now the window for response is closed now but i feel stupid bc i shouldve just said it it was light and casual. im so #bad at keeping convos gojng im convinced im not going to survive. In like a light and casual way like in a He will not make it through the #winter joke way. dw. im not going to do anything bc i had One failed interaction. if i was going to do anythjng itd be bc of the 8000000 #other failed interactions. But im not. anyways. it just makes me feel so useless 😭 like i want to respond i want to talk to ppl so bad but #i feel like i mess things up Irreparably every time i speak OR i take too LONG overthinking my response and then i just cant respond bc its #been too long and then its been 3 years and the only messages ive ever sent r my intro message and 1 message 2 years ago that nobody #responded to at all. or the conversation stopped immediately after. and like i used to be better at this i was lkke. talkative in a couple #muts servers like. i talked 2 ppl daily in those servers and i had fun and like. I was an important part of the group and i felt like it #but i just feel like such an outsider for Everything and its literally my fault bc i cant just like. Talk. The explosion. bc im always like #im gonna try im gonna do it this time im gonna get it back im going to finally be Good connor and im going to fix it all and make a Good #solid friend group and ill find HEALTHY LOVE and i wont selfsabotage and ill move out and have a job and ill balance it well and ill start #all my hobbies and ill have a great routine and be so loveable and on top of it and not stressed and content and happy and roll with the #punches and then theres a single hiccup and im like Well fuckinf whatever im going to be an unemployed hermit forever and im going to die b4 #im 25 anyways so Who cares and also im digging a little hole for myself. and its like. AUGHH ik i just have to persevere and overcome but #even saying that feels so stupid its not fucking hard its Talking to ppl. like. i literally if ive ever said a word to you i had to think #avt it and strategize how to respond right even for like. like. it makes it sound like its not genuine it is #like for example i want to say hey i love your art! but then i freak out and im like thats not normal thats like a rly generic comment they #hear that all the time theyll thjnk im being polite and my brains like hrmmm rewrite Your art changed my life. It shaped me. Ill never be #the same. Nad im like ok too far overcorrected go back and the sentence generator is like Your art has colors 💯 like. GOD. WHY IS IT SO #difficult. and then usually i either just dont say anythinf and feel awful abt it 4ever OR i send it on anon and then i spend like 15 #minutes ibsessively slightly tweaking the apelling and capitalization and punctuation to make sure it doesnt seem like its me just in case #it Is the worst possible thing to say but then i see the response and itll be like AWWW TYSM :] THIS MEANS A LOT or whathaveyou and i feel #stupid bc i couldve just Told them this to their face and it wouldve been a good positive interaction we had. but instead i had 2 hide and #tyoe entirely differently so they couldnt sniff me from my typing style. and it soesnt even feel like the thanks is actually 4 me bc i #tweaked the message sm. and it still makes me happy that the oersons hapoy but its like. that couldve been a nice mutual interaction #like not that i need a personal ty i compliment ppl when i Want to compliment ppl and when its genuine yk. i dont do it so i get mutualpoint

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autisticlenaluthor · 2 months ago

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i wish i could create a focus group of all the people who've read high school au so they could tell me exactly what they want to see in college au bc all I have is vibes and a mood board

#anyways if there's literally anything you want to see in the high school AU sequel #this is your sign to comment it or send me an ask #be as demanding as you want #and i will deliver #i need some ideas other than “the lalalalala song” from gilmore girls

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altruistic-meme · 6 months ago

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i think im going to need a moment of not opening messages right now. im going to read stormbringer instead.

#sigh #my friend keeps sending me video after video about how her floors are covered in fur bc if my dog #(who is staying with her for now)#but like. yes. i understand. i get it.#my dog has incredibly thick fur and is shedding her fucking winter coat. i dont know what the fuck you want me to do???????#i get it?? so sorry?? ill come vacuum your house like ?????#i get it that its annoying having her fur all over bc she has black fur in your light beige carpet #what i DON'T get is WHY YOU KEEP SENDING ME VIDEOS OR PHOTOS. MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY.#WHY. JUST WHY.#IM SORRY LITERALLY I CANT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT SHES A DOG SHE SHEDS LIKE.#shes going to my other sisters house soon and then she wont be shedding all over your floor and you KNOW THAT #so WHY.#im just. tired #i wanted to say 'i cant do this anymore' but that is unfortunately the doorway in which the suicidal thoughts will squirm through.#so. instead i will set my phone to the side and read my book.#it is much thicker than i expected it to be.#i cant turn my phone off bc my mom is going to be sending messages later that i need to look at but #im just going to try not to open any messages anyway and not touch my phone or anything #shh ac

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todayisafridaynight · 5 months ago

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thinking about vampiric arakawas again just so i can make a 'blood-sucking politician' joke

#snap chats #have i ever posted my vampire arakawa musings. i think i did long ago in a distant land. or at least for halloween vjaERLVKJ #anyway i was having my evening stroll with my dog and thinking about how much i love dark-renaissance age stories and whatever #which is a weird way to lead into vampires since At Least Dracula vampire stories dont start until the victorian - progressive era #though i guess you can do whatever you want with mythical creatures and its not as if vampiric stories cant start during the 1400s either #theyre immortal and Not Real (i hope) so anythings possible theres no need to be super restrictive #i am. literally not getting to the point Point Is it could be funny .....#thats why they cna be really good assassins like just eat your targets tf <- vampires dont eat people #but then of course i have to wonder the implications ... oh ive definitely made this post but im still curious #fuuuck man i wanted to make my joke but i just realized how do i even get to that joke cause i dont think masato would be a vampire #dhampir as i definitely said way back then IF THAT. what were the circumstances wait shut up why are there police next door #bro im too nosy this post is interrupted hang on #not nosy enough to keep watching im bored its probably nothing anyawy. cause i think sawashiro and ikumi woudlve been human #like during the uhhh idk dark ages and maybe arakawa turns sawashiro into a vampire later on but what of masato .....#idk im not gonna think too hard about it. right now just take my blood-sucking politician joke idea we'll figure it out later #stopppp i was wondering about vampires in japanese pop culture but then i rmemebered mandurugo WHICH. are filipino but STILL FOUL #im everywhere im ending the post now bye #wait i have to end this post cause why tf did my bestie send me a tweet being like 'look forward to the future of chao'#since shadow x sonic generations is coming soon LIKE DONT PLAY WITH ME AVBOUT CHAO I DONT PLAY ABOUT THEM FUCKERS #ok im ending the post now for real bye im gonna throw up

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sherlock-is-ace · 6 months ago

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#remind me to never ask my mother for opinions on absolutely anything ever again #i only wanted to see which illustration should go on my portfolio for kidlit art #and her wonderful opinion was to take out an illustration of two dudes EATING TOGETHER because and i quote #"gay relationships are not suitable for children books. it simply isn't their target audience''#does she need the list of the thousand of books that are literally about gay couples or about gay kids?!#they're not even like overtly gay they are literally eating together!!! (sure it is actually gay cause it's fanart of a bl but whatever lol #it's literally two guys sitting at the same table eating...#how is that not appropriate for children?!#also even if they were gettin married or whatever... how's that inappropiate?!#ALSO also i'm sick of reading in every illustration agency how they're looking for artists and writers and whatever who tackle queer storie #like sure i'm not gonna say gay people don't experience discrimination but it's not the fucking 50s... there are opportunities out there #idk i'm just so fuckin upset right now because she's saying I'M the one that's taking it bad #like the whole ''i'm not homophobic but.... blah blah''#and it drives me up the fucking walls to have to deal with this when the only thing i wanted was to have a char about which drawing looks #the best for a professional portfolio lol #anyways now out of fucking spite i'm gonna send all the gay ones i have lol #dkfjhkdfg #angel talks #personal #wish me luck on this email btw i need work!#dfkjghdfg

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iqmmir · 8 months ago

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Hi im back . For some time

#.mimiming ❜#um . hi im gonna slee soon but i missed you all so much #umm first of all im trying to ccut down in screentime because my therapist told me to #second. after two or three months of convincing myself that i literally do not care im only going to school for just a few more days (onl #y today and wednesday) i literally do not care #i almost keep crying . because well um #idk. i was originally planning on cutting off contact with everyone #because of stuff thats happened before #but my friends. my current friends dont just treat me as a therapist or something so #also one of my wives would probably hunt me down and kill me if i tried to cut off contact #but ill still miss this stupid class and this stupid school and all the stupid teachers and students #and the horrible tasting canteen food #and the playground ive played in eight times total despite being here for 12 years #idk man #also because of my periods my mood swings were so much worse #and i just ..idk i needed a break ig #anyways im back for sometime then ill start looking for a job #me friend said maybe we can do something together #idk #you can always send me asks and dms tho 👍👍#im not really sure . like about anything right now #ill try to get the drawing requests done soon maybe #wild how time passes huh #god i need to stop acting like such a grownup im literally three years old

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critterchitters-closedcaptions · 3 days ago

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trying to decipher if the overwhelming dread & Thoughts are cause of the state of the world or cause i need a shower.

vent post in the tags. idk. do whatever 👍

#sorry bros im about to ventpost in these mf tags 👍#im so fucking tired man. im already suicidal to begin with but the Everything happening is making it Worse. Yippe Yahoo Hooray.#therapy in a week though so ive got that at least.#this is the worst time of year for shit to go south.but Uh Oh saying that makes me feel like a selfish fuckass because other people -#- have it worse. like. god fucking damn. i get Extra suicidal around september -> march range sure. but other people are literally suffering #like as we fucking speak. and ive done fuckall to help cause i dont know HOW to help. but thats not a fucking excuse #im just being comfortable in my lazy ass depression spiral cause im a selfish fucking prick. “i cant spare the energy to vett things”#other people are fucking dying and im over here like “noo im too tiwed :( i cant do anyfing so im not gona do anyfing cuz im wazy and tiwed”#what the fuck is wrong with me lmao. knowing me im not gona change shit anyway despite fucking complaining about it cause im just. fucking #Like That.#idk. i was reblogging some of those “hold in there dont kill yourselves” posts cause like. yk. suicide bad or fucking whatever. but someone #on this site said something along the lines of “ok but how many people reblogging/posting these told jews to kill themselves” and like.#i dont know. i dont fucking know dude. so i guess im not reblogging Those anymore.#theres bigger issues out there and here i am focusing on some queer people who might kill themselves. idk. i should just join them yk #cause i never fucking focus on the bigger shit cause “i dont know how” and “i dont want to make things worse so i just wont do anything” so #im not doing fuckall other than just being part of the fucking problem here.#i should probably just delete social media for a while and see from there.#or just fucking drink about it thats the other option. its worked for me before (lie) so i may as well do it again am i right #im sorry i never like. boost gofundmes or fundraisers and shit i just.#i dont have a fucking excuse. im just a lazy fucking bastard in my own stupid fucking comfort circle.#“oh no seeing that people are dying makes me uncomforyable :(” ok well people are fucking dying you self absorbed douchebag. why cant you #get off your stupid fucking ass and do something. get a job so you can fucking help people or *something #its not like you have to pay rent and shit.#<- all about myself. cause yk. self centered douchbag. hooray.#i dont pay rent and i dont have to pay for my own food. i still live with my parents. im fucking useless to society so i may as well get a #job and send the money i dont fucking need to somrone who DOES need it. but here i am.#in.my stupid fucking bed til noon cause “the world is scary and jobs are hard :(”#its fucking retail. retail isnt as fucking hard as like. construction and shit but here i am anyway “unable” to do shit.#i fucking could if i just fucking ballsed up and put up with shit. but no. here i fucking am going “nooo i should just kill myself instead”#vent post

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teaandinanity · 18 days ago

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Have just been reminded how much I actually like politics. Not like, the shitshow going on at the national level.

But one of the local candidates had a table set up at the early voting location closest to me and she was friendly and asked if I had any questions, and the local dems sent me a hand-written postcard when I registered, and I'm just like.

Oh, right. I like this, actually. The part where local people care about things and want to make them better.

#did also get another mailer from the agent orange campaign and I'm just like ????#I registered as a DEMOCRAT #for THIS EXACT REASON #WHY are they sending me anything I literally registered as Absolutely Not That Guy #anyway I need to go meet the local dems and get involved again that was good and fun in TX and I bet it's also good and fun here

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icewindandboringhorror · 9 months ago

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I have a big google doc thing where I keep track of media and stuff (putting everything in loosely ranked categories), which is mostly just for my own reference so I know what tv shows I've already seen before, etc. and I never really look back through it, typically just a quick "okay, watched two movie in the past 8 months, need to quickly slap them somewhere in the lists. okay. done. save document. exit". But today I was actually reading through some of the old notes and there are like... MULTIPLE places where my comment is basically "It would have been good if it were about elves" or "I wish there was a fantasy show made in this same style" or "It's well made, but I just keep thinking about how I would like it more if everyone was an elf or was in old 1700s costumes" or etc like...... lol.... Most biased media ranking system on earth blatantly made by someone with an extremely hyperspecific range of narrow interests. It'd be like if a food reviewer only had 5 foods they actually liked, so they'd just go to a pizza place and be like "eh, the pizza was okay, but I just think it would be better if it was cereal instead. :/ ...2 out of 10"