secretsthatlaybehindsmiles

[secretsthatlaybehindsmiles]

when you grow up being suicidal your whole life, it's hard to be anything else

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just got into a screaming match with my dad, should i kill myself??

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me making an extremely personal vent post to my thousands of followers

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[secretsthatlaybehindsmiles]

when it’s really bad again and it’s still way better than it used to be but it’s still really bad. and you do all the right stuff and you try and try and it still really hurts but it’s working but it still hurts and you go see the beautiful majesty of nature and your soul is so close to being at peace but your mind is still in pain. and it’s better but it’s still bad. and the sun is setting.

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knowing you don't care makes me nauseous

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first base is murdering you. second base is ressurecting you from the grave. third base is murdering you a second time

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just say you don't care! just say you don't want to talk to me! just be honest to me for once!

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"I should kill myself": self-serving, reactionary

"we should all kill ourselves": building community and connection, ideologically correct

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I always see people who have gone through way worse stuff than I have and they don't even seem like half as bad of a person as I am now. That makes me wonder, am I just choosing to be this way? What if I'm just a bad person?

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I'm desperately trying to fix my life but every step of the way all I can think about is the fact that just killing myself would be so much easier.

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fuuuuuck i have needs and wants and desires :( sadly they needto put me at the bottom of a deep as fuck hole and pour cement over me because of this

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inside me live two wolves

one constantly trying to undiagnosed me of bpd because clearly enough i do not suffer from this condition, i am totally fine

the other one feeling constantly invalidated and not sick enough and obsessively researching about bpd to ensure and re assure itself that the diagnosis is real

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remembering the fact bpd is considered a terminal illness and my own brain is trying to constantly kill me. im never going to be okay.

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i wish i had a real reason to be this fucked up.