#anyway the thought of taking a vulnerable person (a child) and making them even more vulnerable as an act of psychological warfare got me

[yourpaceangel]

Synth children got me fucked up

[tokoyamisstuff]

Delicate

Homelander x F! Reader

Summary: You and Homelander have been official for a while now, but you have yet to understand why things never went beyond a certain line.

Warnings: slight angst, slight manhandling, somnophilia, masturbation, explicit smut, praise kink, dirty talk, oral sex

A/N: not proofread as always bc I cringe at my own writing. take it or leave it

Homelander had never learned how to be gentle.

Of course he knew how to touch someone without breaking them if necessary, but there's limits to his self-restraint. Especially when it came to the intimate kind of encounter.

This sadistic side of his was an expression of his desperate need for control, an inability to truly let himself fall and be vulnerable with another person.

For decades his mantra was that normal humans only exist for supes' - and mostly his - entertainment. Your weakness was his thrill, the sheer difference in power so ridiculously high that you might as well be filthy bugs - and Homelander was like a cruel child with a magnifying glass.

Usually his mates were supes themselves and even they could barely handle his violent urges, but you are a mere human. So fragile and precious that it terrified him at times.

What if he loses control in the heat of the moment? What if he breaks you? Or even worse: What if you see him for the monster he really is and run away like everyone eventually does?

A while ago Homelander heard the story about Ice Princess' fling, some Vought employee nobody. She accidentally froze his penis off during climax. Hilarious, honestly. The first time he heard this story he had a very good laugh, and he still can't look that guy in the eye without cackling when he passes him in the hallways.

But now, being romantically involved with one of those weaklings himself, the possibility of something similar happening to you made his stomach turn...

...but of course, as Homelander always does, he chose to ignore the problem at hand instead of addressing it.

Why bother with an unpleasant conversation if he can just prolong this innocent, chaste bond for as long as possible? He'd rather have you like this than unnecessarily putting you into harm's way.

You on the other hand slowly but steadily grew impatient with your boyfriend.

At first you thought he was merely being chivalrous, but it's been three months and still nothing. He's famous, so you had involuntarily learned about his past affairs - and he's definetly not old-fashioned.

Then why is he hesitating so much?

Most of the time you don't dare talking about what's bothering you, simply because any issue of yours seemed so insignificant compared to the horrible things John's been through.

Admittedly, he once literally lasered a guy's head into mush just for throwing a can to his son's head. So while his reactions can be a bit unpredictable, John cares so deeply about the few people he loves that you want to spare him any more trouble.

Unhealthy way of handling things, admittedly.

Last week you had planned it all out: What you could only describe as the perfect date was supposed to continue in his apartment, and you could literally see all blood flow from his brain to nether regions as you entered the bedroom in finest lingerie.

Anyways, you had initiated several times up until now, and initially he'd always go along with it. However as soon as your make-out-sessions turn more heated, he'd abruptly end them and practically storm off.

Everything went so well at first, with you straddling his waist and tentatively grinding against his lap. His hands moved against his will as his resolve crumbled, finding the curves of your body and relishing in the feeling of your exposed skin under his gloves. His jaw clenched as he fought the urge to go all out, fearing dangerous consequences.

A proper dosage of pain can function as aphrodisiac, at least in your opinion. So you didn't tell him to stop, in fact your senses were too clouded by desire to even notice the way his fingers dug into the cushion of your hips.

Yet there was just the tiniest microexpression, just the fraction of a second where your heart sped up and your face contorted in pain...

...and Homelander, shocked with himself, threw you so frantically off of his lap, you landed face firsr on the floor instead of the bed.

Against all reasoning, you laughed hysterically at his not-so-subtle rejection, and god knows you'll tease him about it until forever. But also, understandably, on the inside you were as hurt and confused as never before.

Doesn't make it any better that your boyfriend had been avoiding you like you were the goddamn pest ever since.

Just like today, when Homelander comes home to you way past midnight, double checking with his x-ray-vision whether you were already fast asleep.

John was aware that this topic has been tormenting you for a while now, and while he never intended to hurt you - quite the opposite, really - he also clung to this pleasant illusion he had created with you.

Lucky at cards, unlucky in love, or so they say.

The course of his life had convinced him that all remotely good things happening to him will be taken away again. A farce prepared by destiny itself just to mock him, maybe evening out the scales since he had been blessed with too much power.

On days as shitty as this one however, nothing compares to having someone to come home to - even when he made sure that you weren't awake to confront him. He tosses his boots aside, grateful for you to be a sound sleeper as they fell to the floor with a loud thump.

Your boyfriend's heart sinks as he pulls up the blanket, being greeted by a handprint-shaped bruise on the side of your hip. Seems like it still hurts too much to sleep on that side. His fingertips run over the dark purple-ish mark, a pained groan escaping your throat when he gives in to the temptation to squeeze your ass.

He really is the worst.

Homelander freezes until he's certain you continue sleeping undisturbed, the sound of his own heart hammering against his chest drowning out all other noise. His palm is still lingering on your body, running up and down your sides and earning relieved sighs in return.

Before you'd feel his excitement too much, he manages to tear his body away from you, his erection twitching painfully as he rolled onto his back.

John really had pure intentions when he embraced you from behind, simply wanting to distract himself and fall asleep while cradling you in his arms - yet instead his already hard cock buries itself neatly between your thighs, the friction making him utter vile things.

Damn it Y/N, why the fuck do you always sleep in underwear only?! Is it to taunt him or to test his limits? Because it's working.

A breathy moan escapes his lips as he spread his legs wide, cock already leaking precum when he ran his thumb across the slid. He grabs it fiercely, pumping hard to make quick work of it, while roaming every inch of your skin he can get his other free hand on.

"Need some help with that?"

Shit.

ShitshitshitshitSHIT!

Seems like he was a little too busy with getting off - so much that even his heightened senses didn't catch you waking up to this scene. Your boyfriend had a habit of sleeping naked, so right now there was none of what he did left to the imagination.

"Heyyy sweetheart..." John tried to put on his trusty showman attitude, an awkward grin stretched across his face while trying to cover himself with the next best pillow. "Sorry babe, didn't wanna wake you up. Just go back to slee-"

"And miss out on the show?" you chuckle half-sleepily and he wants to die. He's done worse things in his life, way worse to be precize - so why is he fucking shy nowy just because you caught him? "Aww, you're blushing." He contemplates lasering your lips together to make you shut up.

"C'mon, John, I know you're holding back for some reason, but we don't have to go all out." Shuffling closer to your boyfriend, you give him those damn doe-eyes he can never say no to. "And I'd love to lend you a hand, if you know what I mean."

John instinctively closes his eyes as your face moves closer, lips eagerly awaiting yours...

...but just when you were about to touch him, he takes a hold of your wrist. "Y/N, I-" he shakes his head, trying to regain his composure. "Just- just let me go to the bathroom, okay?"

You frown. Worse, the humiliation makes tears dwell in your eyes. Pushing your partner is wrong, but without context you really start doubting yourself here.

Suddenly the stench of fear was lingering in the air, and your heart starts racing like a hummingbird. Trying to calm yourself was a fruitless attempt in front of a man that could perceive almost anything, even your pathetic strangled sobs.

So he was right: You're afraid and maybe even disgusted by his behavior, and just offered yourself to placate him.

Maybe he should just snap your neck to escape the inevitable heartbreak.

"A-Are you cheating on me?"

"Huh?" That question caught him off guard. He was prepared to hear anything, seriously all kinds of insults or accusations, but that? "Are you dense? Why the fuck would I cheat on you?"

And that's when it dawns on him: You are scared - but not of him.

To your defense, he did have a reputation of not being able to keep it in his pants. Maeve had remarked that fact more than once so you wouldn't forget. And him constantly being swarmed by the prettiest celebrities didn't do any good to your self-esteem either.

You're scared of him leaving you.

"Then what is it?" you sniveled, shrinking into yourself as you hugged your own legs. Seeing you like this and knowing he's responsible was somehow even worse than his earlier apprehensions. "You always react as if you got burned whenever we touch. Did I do something wrong, or- or am I not attractive enough?"

"What the hell are you talking about?" John scoffs in an almost irritated tone, unable to refrain from rolling his eyes. Comforting people didn't really come easy to him, even if he hated himself for not being able to let the shielding facade drop just this once. "You're gorgeous and you know that! C'mon, you women are always causing arguments out of thin air. Stop making this about yourself, would y-"

Seeing your glossy eyes turn into a glare at his ramblings made him shut up immediately, but the damage has already been done. "You know what, I'll-" For a while, you sit on the edge of the bed thinking and with every passing second of silence, Homelander's anxiety skyrockets. "I think it's better if I sleep at my own place for a while."

That's exactly what he's talking about, damn it! The line between control and insanity is a thin thread, and he is not willing to take any chances - when it comes to you at least.

"No!" he almost screams at you, jumping up from the bed and pointing a warning finger at you. "You're not going fucking anywhere!" When he sees your wary expression John's eyes soften, instantly regretting his outburst.

Why does he always fuck up? Why can he never seem to keep what makes him happy? Why can't he be what you need?

Homelander buries his face in his hands, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself just like you taught him. "Look, I-" He reluctantly put his hands on each of your shoulders and when you don't flinch away, he starts rubbing circles on your back. You always do it for him when he's upset, so he figures maybe it can help you too. "Please...I'll tell you the truth, okay? Just...don't leave."

You turn around to face him, nodding mutely as he wipes a tear from your cheek with his thumb. Seeing you cry was gutwrenching, moreso when he was the reason. "I..." he helplessly gestures around, wishing there was a script to this like he was usually provided. "I tend to become...rough."

"So?" The initial hurt now turned into confusion, suspicion even about whether he was telling the truth. You defendingly cross your arms, like a barrier so you wouldn't falter before you got answers.

"I'm not made out of glass." Compared to his strenght, you might as well be. "And I can talk. If you become too wild I'll let you know."

Stubborn as always. But he loved that about you, too. "It's not that easy, Y/N." His head falls in defeat and exasperation. John's about to cry himself, and he hates you seeing him anything less than perfect. "I'll hurt you, and then you'll hate me. Or worse..."

Consciously ignoring the worse part, you cup both sides of his face, making him look up to meet your eyes. "John..."

You straddle his waist again, feeling relief now that you finally understood. Peppering kisses across his face and neck you whisper "I was so, so worried you had grown tired of me..."

"Never." Homelander wasn't someone to apologize often, let alone sincerely. The times he did ever since leaving the lab he can count on one hand.

But despite him being...well, him, John knows best what it's like to be plaqued by insecurities. He hugs you tight enough to make you feel the sincerity of his words. "I only wanted to protect you. I never wanted to make you feel this way."

"Next time talk to me from the start, okay?" You smile softly as he aggrees, and he doubts to be deserving of all your sympathy.

Your hands never leave his body, featherlight touch reassuringly calming his nerves. And yet together with the fact that the only thing currently separating your bodies was your thin panty, it was no wonder that his body reacted the way it did.

A moan disrups your conversation when his cock stiffens again, and you can't help but buck your hips against him in response. Your panties were already soaking anyway, due to the friction and his dirty little deed earlier.

The scent of your lust wipe all negative emotions from your boyfriend's mind, replacing them with something else.

"I want you, John" you breathe against his ear and he whines. "We could just take it slowly..."

"I don't know how" he admits, and you smile at his reluctant aggreement. Gently being shoved down on his back again, it feels like he melts beneathe your fingertips. "Then I'll teach you."

Goosebumps rise on his skin as your fingertips ghost over his body, and you lean over for a longdue kiss, so tender and affectionate John thinks he will fall apart.

Homelander's groan gets swallowed by your lips as you pull your panties aside, slick folds now grinding against his cock. Your name falls from his lips in meek whimpers and you refuse to believe this wonderful man could ever harm you.

"Let me take care of you." Shit, how do you always know exactly what to say?

Raking your hands through your hair as you sit up, air gets stuck in Homelander's throat at the sight, making him choke.

You look fucking magnificent.

Hell, he'd pay an artist to paint you like this so he could look at it forever. If only it didn't require another person seeing you naked...

"You know, I thought it was just my imagination..." A mischievous smile plays on your lips now that you think of it. "But my panties have been disappearing a lot lately."

Your boyfriend didn't respond anything else but a whimmer, shame washing over him at being caught. Not that he was really subtle to begin with.

"Speak up" you tease, giving his shaft a soft squeeze and he instinctively thrusts into your hand like a dog in heat. "Did you use them to get yourself off to your fantasies, huh? Naughty boy." His cock twitches in your palm at the words. "From now on, I want you to come to me for release. Always."

"I trust you" you add as doubt is clearly written on his face, voice firm and as unwavering as your loving eyes, driving tears into his own. You lower yourself on his cock, savouring the feeling of being filled out like this. "Mhh...you feel so good inside of me. Will you behave, John?"

"Y-Yes..." was all he managed to wring out, since it takes every ounce of strenght inside of him to not cum to your sweet affirmations right away. John clutches the bedframe so hard that it crumbles under his grip, but to his surprise you don't wince at the sound - quite the opposite, it shot a wave of heat right through your core.

"John...look at me." You guide his hands away from his eyes to cup your breasts instead, looking at him like he's the best fucking thing in the world. The intensity of your gaze causes him to shiver, makes him wanna hide.

Yes, this is too good to be true.

Whatever you see in him right now he will taint with his own hands given time.

And yet he can't stop anymore, now that he's aware of the depht your love helds for him.

You read him like a damn book, noticing his internal struggle so you silence the voices in his head with a passionate kiss. "So good for me, John" you cheer him on, moving your hips at a low pace.

Tension finally leaves his body and he dives his tongue into your mouth, groaning deeply as he moves his body alongside yours. His touch was careful yet bruising, sending pleasant tingles down your spine.

"I love you, John" you cry out as your foreheads touch, eyes never leaving his. "I love you so damn much!"

That declaration was enough to drive him over the edge.

Homelander pulls you as close as close as humanly possible when he stills momentarily, jackknive-like thrusts chasing after his high. The sounds he made as you got filled up bordered on obscene, as did the amount of cum spilling out of you.

"Shit" he speaks breathlessly against your skin, covering a bitemark he had just caused with kisses. "M'sorry..."

And yet he wasn't willing to let go off of you just yet, this amazing orgasm unable to ward off the embarassment of his poor performance.

"Never apologize for having a good time, silly" you chuckle, brushing your nose against his. "I'm flattered, if anything."

John never knew that sex could be so...satisfying, more than just physically. Filled with carefree laughter instead of expectations.

After all, he was conditioned to never wanna disappoint.

"Nah-a-ah." You yelped as he spun you around effortlessly, now him being the one howering over you, bearing his canines like a starved predator. "I refuse to let my goddess go unworshipped."

"John...I'm okay, really. Sex between lovers is not just about that..." And yet when he opens your legs, you don't resist.

He bets you taste just as fucking good as you smell, feisty little thing. Driving him crazy all those weeks. Do you have any idea how hard it was to endure this sweet torture for your sake?!

A shiver runs down your spine when he licks his lips at the sight of your leaking entrance, taking a deep inhale. There's a hunger in his eyes that no sane person could ever comprehend - but you indulged in it, craved in his twisted kind of love.

Heh, you were a goddamn freak just like him all along, isn't that right?

Homelander takes his time kissing a path down to your navel, admiring the marks he left on your body he was now able to see as the lovebites they are. He briefly looks up to assure himself of your consent, an answering smile all he needs to continue.

"Myyyy tuuuurn" he chants so cheerful, you almost thought he had put on his formal persona.

A relieving finger finally has mercy and slides into your already overstimulated sex, making you arch your back when he curls it inside. Pleads and curses falling from your lips as he enters a second one and then another, and you desperately try to move yourself deeper onto him.

"Attagirl!" Seems like his confidence has returned, at least judging by that damn smug smile his tone indicated. The frustrated pout you wore right now was so adorable, he decided to end your misery and bury his head between your legs as well.

You were still fucking yourself on his fingers while he relished the taste of himself on your pussy, before enveloping your clit with his tongue. "That's my fucking girl right there" he mouths as he ate you out, pumping his fingers keenly on your weak spot he so easily found. "Come on, I want to hear you."

When you came it felt like you were ascending to the afterlife, screaming his name at the top of your lungs before collapsing into the sheets.

Your legs had long since gave out but John put them over his shoulders, humping the mattress while his tongue still ran over your nerve endings, shooting jolts of overwhelming pleasure through your system.

"Oopsie" he coos, a predatory glint in his eyes as he crawled on top of you again, his kiss giving you a taste of your own spent. "Made me hard again."

You eyes flutter open after the last bit of your climax had ebbed out, exhausted yet invitingly batting your lashes as your limbs entangled once again.

"Seems like I found the Homelander's weakness."

[satvruu]

ೀ how they hug you

rewritten and reposted of my hc set from my old blog @/star-puff! thank you to all my old dedications as well as my new ones @kurooppi @wyllsravengard for making my return to this fandom possible <3

feedback is very appreciated!

ft. yuuji, megumi, gojo, getou, nanami

itadori yuuji embraces you warmly, fondly, sunlight streaming through the window and scattering over your bare skin. it's someplace safe and comforting, enveloped in his arms like he's taken it upon himself to protect you from everything horrible in the world; he is your knight, he is your shield, your safe haven to escape to, no matter how many wounds he will endure in the process. ("yuuji," you whisper, a hand coming up to rest gently on his arm. he bleeds desperation. "i'm okay, i promise." yuuji squeezes you tighter, trembling, and you wonder what you can do to make it true for him, too.) he holds you for far too long for it to be anything casual, but you can't really complain about it anyway—it's better this than to witness the alternative. after all, what is the sun without a place to hold its warmth; what becomes of a hero when they fail to protect the things that matter most?

fushigurou megumi comes to you slow, steady, a ripple of water in the pond. you coax him out gently, holding your arms out before wrapping them around him. his breath hitches (always, no matter how many times he tries to hide it) and his body stiffens, arms frozen at his sides. but slowly, surely, your head buried in his chest, megumi's arms begin to wrap around you in a manner you can only describe as tender—as if you could break if he held onto you too tight. (truthfully, megumi thinks he's just afraid. the jujutsu world is a dangerous one, after all, even to those who only know of it by name. megumi has lost too many people, and you're the one person he can't afford to lose.) he flinches at the thought, pulling away. you draw yourself closer in him, instead. moonlight behind the clouds, you'd gladly hold onto this night forever if it meant megumi was by your side.

gojo satoru is known as many things—a child prodigy, the strongest, a boy-god making his presence known on the lowly earth, but to you, he is simply just obnoxious. satoru makes it a spectacle each time he sees you: hollering, gallivanting, draping himself over you with his long limbs and impossible-to-miss frame. you huff and complain and uselessly try to drag yourself away from him each time, but satoru hooks onto you and refuses to let you go, nuzzling his face into yours. (they're mine, the action screams, a blaring warning to anyone unfortunate enough to get caught in the collateral. you've been too caught up in your irritation of him to notice this, of course, and you're certainly not someone who would take the explicit meaning of it kindly, but satoru finds that he doesn't really care. not when he has more important things to attend to.) gojo satoru is many things, but the one thing he absolutely isn't is someone who can share.

getou suguru smells of sandalwood incense, a musky amber you think you could identify blind. sometimes, you think you remember a different suguru, a kinder suguru, one that had easier things to worry about, a brighter look in his eyes, an easier weight to his gait. if you think back far enough, you suppose it might have been because he had somebody else by his side to keep it that way, a brighter light shining next to him to keep the darkness at bay. (but that was a long time ago. now, suguru is the one left to be lit by the fire, stuck in the ashes of his own kin for a future little understand. you're not sure who is to blame for that anymore.) you're not the light that can save him—no one can be, not anymore. when suguru reaches out to you, rare vulnerability bubbling over in a way you can only describe as drowning—as crumbling—the only thing you can do is curl yourself next to him in the incense burner, smearing yourself in the ash.

nanami kento thinks you need this, especially after a long, hard day. the melting comes slow: his hands on your back, gentle pats and quiet whispers of comfort as he rests his chin on your head. and then comes everything else. his hands slot perfectly into the dip of your back, the small of your waist, thumbs rubbing small circles over the fabric of your clothes, and in the eyes of no one but yourselves, the two of you begin to sway back and forth to a quiet melody nanami begins to hum. you cling onto the fabric of his shirt, trying to memorie the smell of his cologne, the rumble of his voice, the warmth of his arms. (it's too much, to have a memory of a future that will inevitably happen. you almost want to cry. don't go, you want to say, a lump in your throat, wishing for the impossible. don't go.) and still, selfish as you are, nanami hugs you like you're slow dancing in the dark.

[sailorspica]

dare i argue...

kenny has a very interesting, consistent morality that isn't all that aberrant compared to most of AoT's main cast.

he is our main source of ackerman lore, whose fallen status within the walls directly telegraphs the position of eldia in the larger world, so on closer inspection, kenny, levi, and mikasa are more than a bit analogous to grisha and the warriors. in kenny's case, i think most of the elder jaegers. hear me out:

my ongoing beef with the uprising arc anime adaptation includes this scene with kenny's grandfather. confoundingly, WIT cut significant length from grandpa's explanation about the ackermans' persecution at the hands of the MPs, but gave kenny a line that... is ghostwritten by zeke jaeger.

in the manga, kenny discouraged kuchel from carrying levi to term for reasons he doesn't verbalize (snk 65)

in the anime (aot 43), my subtitles say "I swear, ain't no point being born in a craphole world like this where there's not a single dream worth pursuing."

the dubbed line is "who'd want to be born into this piece of shit world anyway? there isn't a dream you could have worth suffering through it."

btw i think WIT giving kenny like, 5x more lines with the word "dream" is fucking cheesy and childish; i could see how this mindset is challenged immediately by carla in bystander, but does kenny have to be the one to say it? we get that from historia and alma and ymir already! plenty of characters express thoughts of regretting being born, but this and zeke's are particular to eldians and ackermans, not individuals

but what grandpa ackerman says about this "deal" between the ackerman patriarch and the crown echoes grisha and zeke's propaganda bedtime stories. the first generation born within the walls hoped that ignorance would spare future ackermans, and eldians left behind when the walls went up hoped compliance would save them from... paradise, conscription, what have you. historical omission and revision: neither fucking worked! that ackerman patriarch died pointlessly, every eldian sacrificed to marley's imperialism from foot soldiers in the trenches to the warriors and proto-warriors, ksaver's generation and older, died pointlessly.

much like the warriors, i don't think any of the above excuses or downplays kenny's wrongdoings, but contextualizes them:

he's a serial killer

as far as we know his Ripping was mostly MPs. as of this scene in ch. 65, the latest were lurking outside a dying old man's home, whether that means they monitored the eldest living ackerman closely, or they were there to jump kenny. point is, killing cops is uhhhhh cool. i don’t care he becomes one himself later. the old 2nd wave feminist adage of “the personal is political” applies to any gender, really, and we should all take police violence against vulnerable populations personally, so whether you frame kenny’s kill count before joining the MPs as self-defense or vengeance, there’s a net positive of fewer MPs terrorizing the streets of the interior and the underground.

he abandoned and/or abused levi

my guess is without his anime-only Zekeism™, kenny’s concern before levi's birth is more specific to kuchel’s circumstances, and also informs his abandonment:

raising a child would make kuchel’s life even more difficult;

the underground and moreover a brothel are no place to raise a child;

as his reaction to levi not knowing his last name goes, living as an ackerman is a curse unto itself (the zeke and ksaver conclusion), even if kenny’s relationship with uri has improved his circumstances;

my most charitable and extracanonical thought for this man is… i wonder what happened to his and kuchel’s own parents. how else do you lose track of your sister like this? did they feel abandoned themselves? did kenny already doubt kuchel would live long or be strong enough to protect a child (maternal mortality, which fellow MP nile dawk brings up in 108)? when he said “i’m not cut out to be some kid’s father,” did he also think that of kuchel? or did he think he also failed as an older brother—kenny and kuchel as grisha and faye...

we only get kenny’s POV of his time with levi, which lasts about five pages of chapter 69. my point is, levi whump revisionism tends to give him annie leonhart's canonical childhood, for which there is no evidence in chapter 69 or in bad boy.

of course, filling the blanks of kenny's pedagogy is grim, and popular fanon isn't unreasonable at all. there's no nonviolent way to teach violence, which kenny calls "the only tool he had" and likely thought of as the only thing he could offer levi. removing levi from the underground didn't seem to cross his mind, either, which could point to a pessimism that people kill people, above and below—the ackermans were wiped out on the surface, after all. but i actually find the understanding of their relationship to the royal family as feudal in the japanese sense helpful here: would bringing him along set levi's path for him, one in service to the reisses? cruel as it was, kenny guaranteed levi's freedom.

he's a cop

okay, this is where the manga gets a little ambiguous/inconsistent with chronology. when kenny gets the anti-personnel squad, he says he’s “never been part of the military before”—he’s actually following levi’s footsteps here, a criminal recruit far outclassing these graduates of the cadet corps. however, to historia, he identifies himself as part of the first interior squad in 845. the fuck?

what is more certain is after he meets uri and becomes his bodyguard 😏, he joins this "assembly" or "council" of nobles and wallists. "bodyguard" does not sound like a role in which kenny would wander the walls doing extrajudicial murder like sannes. when levi and hange interrogate sannes, he proudly lists his own resume (snk 55), which includes killing armin’s parents, erwin’s father, and historia’s mother (the 2nd worst thing to be in the walls is blond), so besides alma, kenny doesn't seem to be included in these panels of the first interior squad "bloodying [their] hands" for peace within the walls.

i think a reasonable conclusion is kenny joined the first interior squad after uri's death in 842, and this squad is so elusive as to be legendary to the average MP. there is probably some translation subtlety with "squad" and "section, " so my understanding is the anti-personnel squad is either part of the first interior squad, or an elite, separate but affiliated group much like levi's special operations squad.

i think of kenny in these three years as unmoored much like iseyama describes levi after shiganshina; the main thing guiding him seems to be his disdain for rod reiss, since he has no hard feeling against frieda. dare i say... rod is kenuri's zeke?

besides his worry for kuchel and debatable care for levi, kenny does, actually, express some of the humanitarianism that motivates his nephew, also in chapter 65 and also excluded from the anime adaptation:

"how much WE lost in those five years?! how many precious lives?!" "he don't give two shits about any of it! not his his family, not humanity, and certainly not you, historia!!

like, HELLO? who is he referring to? the residents of wall maria? the culling that killed armin's grandfather? historia's half-siblings? hell—trost and stohess, mere months ago? i think he's being genuine! this isn't a token, empty phrase, tugging at historia's heartstrings. a killer can value life, i don't think that's that crazy a thing to propose, least of all in attack on titan and least of all in the uprising arc where levi squad kills other humans (also all cops).

kenny's narration in chapter 69 and episode 47 revolves around power. his respect for uri starts from acknowledging him as "the strongest guy around," which echoes over the moment he abandons levi—he's done his level best to teach levi to be the strongest underground, and his philosophy of proving yourself to be the strongest or most powerful doesn't belie a sense of superiority over the weak or any desire to rule; it's the logical conclusion of the oppressed. he thinks of himself as strong, but doesn't call kuchel weak, and his use of "we"—he counts himself part of humanity. his later ambition to steal the founder... makes him more similar to erwin. he just wants the knowledge, the view from up there.

but i think kenny is a little dishonest in chapter 58 before one of levi's coldest "yeah"'s of all time:

i'll kill anyone if that's what it takes to get the job done. ya kill too when it benefits ya, right?

for both men, this object "you" is not themselves as individuals, despite their posturing. it could really, really be humanity, for all three ackermans. mikasa, ten chapters prior:

there are only so many lives i can value, and i decided who those people were six years ago, so you shouldn't try to ask for my pity. because right now, i don't have time to spare, or room in my heart.

and her series-long journey is excavating her heart for humanity. the common fandom complaint that she "only cares about eren" is, to me, similarly reductive as their view of kenny. characters can lie to themselves, or reveal they're more selfless than they thought.

in conclusion:

ACAB

WIT skipped a lot of exposition to animate an extra kenny-levi fight that doesn't even make sense spatially

of course he sucks! and so do the younger ackermans! but they all suck a lot less than they think they do

kenny is also historia's uncle by marriage, in my heart

someone draw him and zeke hanging out

[analy-sing-stuff]

Hi overthinkers :D

After a really messy gap of three years, I finally red "Boy meets Maria" and I'll never be able to express how much this short story made my heart ache and melt. I can't believe I took so long because it's pure genius how it's written, and it's so SO sad we won't get anymore of it.

Anyways, let me yap a bit about it because I got SO MUCH to say, especially towards Arima's gender. I'll try to be as respectful as I can and use they/them referring to them regardless of the conclusion I take.

⚘️ spoilers ahead ⚘️

Both of the main characters are SO WELL WRITTEN in a way I've rarely seen in media these days!

"Boy meets maria" is a comic novel that makes us question so many things we have barely thought about in modern society, being them specially gender roles and norms, or how abuse comes in all sizes, shapes and colors.

Let's start with Taiga!

In a way, Taiga is the "least complex" character in this mangá. His concept is simple; he lost his mom when he was very young, his dad was irresponsible taking care of a child and drowning on his drinking addiction, and after growing up with all that, Taiga decides he wants to be a hero.

The meaning of a hero to Taiga is, simply explained, to be this great GREAT person. He wants to be a famous actor, succeed in life, and have this beautiful girlfriend to "save".

To be short, Taiga decides he doesn't want to be like his dad. His bright personality is basically his way of getting better, of being happy, and most important of all, of helping people.

I guess we can say Taiga is a very deeply conflicted character. looking for his way to the top on theater, I'd say this is him leaving his past behind and looking ou to show the world he is worth something, looking for something that may bring back to him the feeling of control contrasting how much he couldn't help but just watch his mother slowly die, and how weak he felt not knowing she was already being hurt by his father all along.

Let's say that the reason he's looking for a perfect girl for him to act like this perfect hero also has to do with the passing of his mom and the absence of his father, because to him, this is one unconscious second chance of treating a girl right and having a happy ending.

Then things don't go exactly as planned, and he meets Arima 😍

You see, Arima is a BIG part of Taiga's reality check because boy is completely HEAD OVER HEALS. Mind you, i saw some people saying they kind of cringed because of the way he acted and that he was unrealistic or a "manic pixie boy," and I totally disagree, I disagree even harder because I do know boys like him in real life and I can assure sometimes this big extroverted person is nothing more than a nod to the neglected child they were on the past.

So, yeah, when he chases Arima through the hall, this is basically him saying "don't say no to me, because I need this 😃 um excuse me, 😀 I need to be happy 🙂 dont say no" , and it's so persistent Arima ACTUALLY has to show him their genitals...so...uh...kinda crazy, huh?

But surprisingly, this is not a big deal to them if not for the inconvenience, and I'll say more, They lost all their notion of decency way before their childhood Trauma

Let's talk about Maria...No! Sorry, I mean...

Let's talk about Arima

Arima is a complex character that I appreciate so much due to never seeing a representation like them in media before.

I'd like to say that I'll not get into the sexual abuse too much because this may get too long, and it's sort of a sensitive topic for me, but I might mention it later if I feel like it.

Arima, since very little, was forced to be perceived as a girl by his mom, a type of abuse called forced feminization, where, well, you force a vulnerable individual to use exaggerated accessories that would match better a woman according to the known gender norm.

It was clear, However, that Arima never had a normal childhood being perceived as a girl, since none of what they had was granted because they wished, it was what their mom wished to fullfill HER wishes, and so on Arima felt like a boy but had to keep the image of being a girl solid and intact, after all, it was all they knew.

This is really big on their relationship with Taiga, since they basically reverse roles when they mature

This pannel, for example, is screaming gender roles, with Arima being stuck to pink and girl toys while Taiga is surrounded by all types of boy toys. This pannel has, also, big foreshadowing for their image of a hero when they were little. While Taiga thinks he can be this awesome image of a savior he wished to become, Arima holds on to a hero, shyly showing that not only they need to be who they truly are, since this is also the only toy on the picture that they hold on and that they're trully interested, but they also look for a saviour, someone who could take them out of the feeling of not belonging, someone who could understand what they need. The only thing also separating both of them is a flower, which is much symbolical to their different perspective growing up and the curious impact of Taiga's dad in their lives.

The cover for this mangá is the paralel we get from the back, and honestly, it's so beautiful how it doesn't necessarily mean it is about Arima detaching from their feminity, Rather just how much Taiga helped them realize they don't need to look feminine to be accepted and fullfill anyone's wishes.

To me, at the end of chapter 6, it's most likely that yes, Arima might be a boy suffering from detachment of something that they knew since they were very little, the role of a girl; AND HEAR ME OUT! THE THEATHER CONTEXT WAS GENIOUS!!!

Arima, their whole life, were assigned as this little girl, that deep down, was unhappy with their identity.

Then they go through this horrible fucking abuse and they feel vulnerable and weak,and they say, well, I'm a boy. That's it, that's who I always was.

And then, they go to their first play and they play as a boy, and they act (literally) as a boy, but the second their abuser is there to see them, (motherfucker) they lose it.

They lose it because, in the first place, all that happened to them was because of the rumor they weren't really a girl, and concluding that, they run away from their real them to avoid facing their trauma and their identity.

So Arima only acts as a girl on plays (literally) despite acting so well as a male character, hiding their talent and their feelings from everyone.

Until Taiga appears and never give up on them, which is beautiful.

And then, in the end, we understand that maybe they are not a boy, maybe they are not a girl, maybe they are both, maybe they are neither, but;

1. Their gender is not defined by what they look like

2. It's nobody's business

I can't put into words how well written this whole scene is. The way they mimick how the abuse was, the way they're scared of getting attached to someone again, the way they're mentally destroyed by the doubt and the feeling of weakness and how none of this matters because Taiga love's them.

No matter the gender, Taiga fell in love with Yuu.

And then they feel comfortable again, which seals pretty much this comic.

No matter which role (gender or theather lol) Yuu chooses, they'll always be Yuu Arima, and they'll always be special.

THAT'S IT OH MY GOD, I MIGHT HAVE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING, THIS TOOK ME SO LONG, ANYWAYS LOVE THEM SO SAD IT'S NOT A BIG SERIES BECAUSE IT WAS SO GOOD WTFF 🥹

[angelosearch]

Okay fam, how do we think Raine died? And please let me know if it's been word-of-god'ed somewhere. I don't think I've ever seen it.

I have a thought. I wouldn't even call it a theory because I have virtually no evidence to support it. It's more like... what I would find interesting.

I'm overthinking a 25-year-old videogame again...

Lil bit of a trigger warning here... Mention of some severe impacts of mental illness.

Honestly, I hate the "died in childbirth" thing. It's just... vague. Uninteresting. I don't know, kind of lazy. Okay, maybe she did die as a side effect of having Squall, but how? There's more than one way to die in childbirth.

And I am not saying dying in childbirth is unrealistic--it definitely is realistic, unfortunately--but I kind of hate how introducing a pregnant character and then killing them is always joined with the (again VERY BROAD) concept of "dying in childbirth."

Maybe it's just because I'm a Star Wars fan and Padme's death ruined me for "died in childbirth" as a suitable end for a pregnant character. I also just get annoyed in general how frequently pregnancy and childbirth in sci-fi/fantasy media is seen as something alien or bad or the end of a character. There's so many episodes where pregnancy is used as a parasitic plot point. I could go on.

And how often a mother is just killed off with "died in childbirth" off screen... It's just lazy! It's like saying a guy died because he "went off to war." Is it realistic? Sure. But specifics, backstory, please!!

But like!! These women have already done the incredible act of carrying a child, sometimes through war zones and major stressors, or, in Raine's case, while completely alone and waiting for her husband to come back from saving her adoptive daughter. If she "had" to die (at least in the eyes of the writers) immediately after Squall is born, I want her to have a death more specific to her character and more interesting overall! Also, it would be nice if she had SOME time with our little baby Squall, no matter the circumstances... Now, the way I think about Raine's death isn't exactly a nice way to die (if there is a such thing), but I think it would be enough to lock her ghost in Winhill. And, again, I think it gives her plot a realism that I want it to have.

Here is where I launch into some pretty reaching headcanons so... buckle up.

So Squall, we can all agree, exhibits signs of depression. He's able to push through it, because lots of us depressed people adapt to do that, but he definitely does. From what I know about therapy and psychology, I'd also say he has C-PTSD but that's another story.

But I'd like to propose that Squall is not just depressed, but potentially even bipolar.

Now, the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for bipolar disorder requires at least one manic episode followed by a depressive episode or hypomania. I don't believe Squall has ever experienced mania... But the thing about bipolar disorder is that a lot of times, it presents as depression until it isn't anymore. And for some individuals, that moment doesn't come until their late 20s or older. Hell, treating depression is sometimes what reveals the underlying disorder: Sometimes SSRIs trigger mania in bipolar patients.

I could see him experiencing hypomania, though. Accidentally training for 12 hours straight, racing thoughts, extreme agitation.

What we do see in the game is risk-taking behaviors, racing thoughts, anxiety, disregulated mood, feelings of worthlessness, difficulty sleeping, isolation... These are symptoms of C-PTSD, but ALSO bipolar disorder.

(which, his history of trauma makes him more vulnerable to bipolar disorder as well)

I will admit, I hc Squall this way because I see myself in him, and I was a high-functioning depressed person who had my first manic episode in my late 20s. But what I figure is, while he was probably never written to be bipolar, there's nothing in the game that completely refutes it.

ANYWAY, bipolar disorder is hereditary. It's not only hereditary, but it plays a part.

So here we go, this is the end I have in mind for Raine, and it's not a happy end, but I think it's realistic and I think it's worth representing in media. Trigger warning.

I think Raine was bipolar. We don't see enough of her in the game to know, but if Squall is (in my head) she might be too. I think she had a complicated pregnancy and that Ellone being kidnapped and Laguna leaving (reasonably) put her under a lot of stress. Any symptoms she had under control with medication/therapy/etc. probably flared. Who knows if she had her same access to resources, seeing that Laguna was gone.

I think, maybe, she suffered from postpartum psychosis. She might have had a few good days, weeks with Squall until things got bad. It would have been terrifying for her, and the people of Winhill, the delusions, the hallucinations. I can't imagine there is a doctor in Winhill that can help with that. And maybe, one of those hallucinations led her to her end.

Such a terrible death likely would have traumatized the people of Winhill, who we know cared deeply about her. Maybe they sent Ellone away so she'd never know; maybe they sent Squall away because he was too much of a reminder.

Thus ends my very sad Raine's death head canon.

My next long project may involve tackling this kind of stuff. I love writing/researching mental health!!

[idyllic-affections]

dad!pantalone brainrot (ft. il dottore & baizhu) iv.

summary. when their health issues flare up, there are very few doctors that their father will permit to treat them.

trigger & content warnings. implied canon-typical dottore violence, (empty) threats, chronic illness, blood, mentions of death, etc.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. hurt/comfort. dad!pantalone & reader, il dottore & reader, baizhu & reader. 0.7k words. they/them pronouns for reader. prev | next

author's thoughts. this series is never ending... in my defense, it was going to be a full-length fanfic but i never ended up pursuing that idea. anyway baizhu and pantalone are brothers here! idc if it ends up being non canon, its canon in my heart 💖 this got... slightly angstier than i intended. whoops!

when it comes to his child's health, pantalone only trusts two doctors in all of teyvat.

(he objectively trusts one far more than the other, though.)

il dottore is an... unfortunately large part of their life. the regrator did eventually accept that it was inevitable, given how "close" he and the doctor tend to be. dottore is one of their many tutors, though admittedly, his teaching methods are probably a little concerning... at least [name] is proficient in anatomy and physiology! perhaps pantalone should reconsider whether or not his child should be left alone with him. he'd somewhat gotten over his initial concerns about leaving them with him and his segments after seeing zeta nearly tear someone's head clean off in their defense, but perhaps it's time to reconsider! the second may not be hurting them, per se, but he is creating a desensitized little thing.

(though... it may very well be for the best, given their harbinger lineage. they cannot afford to be soft or squeamish. pantalone knows this very well.)

the second fatui harbinger is also largely responsible for making sure they're in good health. semiannual check-ups are a standard practice as opposed to annual ones; they did happen to inherit their father's poor immune system. dottore once offhandedly commented that it probably came more from the regrator's brother, as even pantalone isn't as prone to illness as his child is. the doctor has never met baizhu personally, but pantalone knows he's right. they tire so easily... sometimes it makes him sick with worry. regardless, it runs in the family, and some get it worse than others, so check-ups are more common.

(check-ups are always an amusing sight when zeta is around, wordlessly fiddling with a needle suspiciously close to their neck.

"put that needle in my throat and i will tear out yours."

he only smiles at them.

their smug aura does not mock him; contrary to popular belief, he finds it quite funny and endearing! they are the only person that can get away with talking shit like that. not even the other dottore clones can talk to him like that without getting a violent response. he lets it slide with omega because he has to, but beyond that...

he's fond of them. he's just too emotionally constipated to admit it.)

however, sometimes pantalone doesn't completely trust dottore not to harm them when they're seriously ill and vulnerable. he knows dottore would gain nothing by bringing them harm, and yet...

archons, becoming a father has made him awfully protective, hasn't it? surely he wasn't like this before he took them back from arlecchino?

times like those, times in which their illness would act up to the point of leaving them bedridden, making them shiver and tremble and spit up blood... times like those are when he calls upon baizhu.

he'd understand their illness better than dottore ever could, anyway. pantalone was right to make such an assumption.

"has your father taught you nothing of energy management?"

"energy management?" they scoffed sarcastically, the warmth from the cup of herbal tea in their hands soothing the chill in their trembling fingers, "from the man who hardly takes care of himself? please. he acts as if he isn't also chronically ill. he'll literally work himself to death if he isn't more careful. it's... worrying, actually." they tapped their nails against the cup mindlessly, chewing on the corner of their lip.

anxiety was not good for their health, especially not when they were already this ill.

"oh?" baizhu's interest was very much piqued at that, and their lips twitched upwards slightly at the way his hand stroked over their head calmingly. "in that case, i'll have to teach you my methods, but... he's been taking poor care of himself, has he?"

"the poorest."

"i see. do tell me everything, for... future reference."

they knew very well that 'future reference' meant a firm chiding. oh well! it's not like they purposely exposed their father's poor habits, no no. they were a loyal child. they'd never do something so terrible and unforgivable...

unless it was baizhu who asked, of couse. it would be awfully rude to withhold secrets about his own relatives from him, after all!

pantalone may get sick with worry over their health, but the sentiment is very much mutual.

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[rue-dixon]

Chilchuck's family

Entire timeline headcanons:

This uses what little canon information we do know about his past. And me trying my best to fill in the gabs with other information from my person physical copy of the manga and Adventurers Bible.

His wife will be referred to as Bellana Sams.

Quick background:

Chilchuck's family was quite big. He had 4 siblings, 2 older siblings, a brother and sister whom he didn't see much because they were on their own by the time he was born. He would occasionally see his mother receive letters from them and would see them at holidays but that was about it. Chilchuck's mother was a nice woman, but often too busy working to give him much attention. He was mostly fine with that as a child since he preferred to be alone anyways. His father on the other hand was a drunk, and he rarely saw him smile. Chilchuck often thought he most likely got his sharp tongue from him. Chilchuck has practically no memories of his father being sober. And although he never hit him or his mother or siblings. He was very mean with his words, never missing an opportunity to insult anyone of them. But Chilchuck still found it in his heart to care for his father, mostly due to the stories his mother would tell him when he was young and sober. Chilchuck's two younger brothers came shortly after him. Although they were never close or had much of a relationship. Due to all three of them having to work as soon as physically able to support their family and themselves. They practically worked for what they ate. Since their father "retired". His family often struggled because of this and he remembers being hungry a lot. Which is probably why not eating for 3 days in the dungeons didn't bother him so much when he was an adult. When they did talk however, it was mostly to make fun of each other. His youngest brother often made fun of him and Bellana as kids. Referring to her as "his girl." Which angered Chilchuck and his brother found it hilarious. Overall, Chilchuck's family life was very distant. Everyone just simply existing in the same space. And once Chilchuck's father drank himself to death when he was seven years old, the family seemed to somehow grow more distant. This is most likely the reason Chilchuck struggles with vulnerability and his emotional wellbeing even far into his adulthood.

Bellana's family on the other hand was the exact opposite. They were simple farmers who lived down the street from the Tims family. She had a younger brother whom she loved very much, was very close to, and protective of. And was always secretly touched with how good Chilchuck was with him, and how much her brother seemed to always love him. Her mother was a loving woman, her father a hard worker but good family man. Who was always unnecessarily tough on Chilchuck for no apparent reason. Her brother was always up to mischief. But they were relatively close as siblings. Both her parents were pretty old fashioned, and took their traditions seriously. Their family followed "the old ways", no magic, hard work is good work, etc. Altogether the family had a warm atmosphere to them.

Childhood friends

⁃ Chilchuck Tims and Bellana Sams met when they were little kids. Went to school together and were neighbors.

- They met under an apple tree where Bellana made fun of Chilchuck reading, who was studying different languages. Bellana had been climbing the tree, trying to get the better apples at the top when Chilchuck sat down at the foot of it. Not realizing she was there, he started to study. Bellana watched him for a few minutes. Before taking an apple and tossed it at his head. "Ow! What the- who are you?!" "What are you doing?" "I'm teaching myself another language, duh!" "... what a loser."

- They didn't get along at first, they found each other annoying. Bellana constantly teasing him and annoying him. While Chilchuck would scoff and say she's just a dramatic girl. But the more time they would spent together in school and just in close proximity, and the older they got they got along better. Bellana got bored of teasing him. While Chilchuck started to feel more empathy for Bellana instead of finding her annoying. So they became friends. Getting closer and closer the older they got. Until they were practically spending every day together.

⁃ Chilchuck was always well mannered and mature. But had a sharp tongue and quick temper. While Bellana was passionate and easily moved, with a heavy attitude and a quick fuse. But upheld her and her families reputation and traditions. Always finding her image always important.

⁃ as kids, Chilchuck would tell Bellana his dream of exploring dungeons. He'd fantasize about being an adventurer. Making more money than most halfings and living a life most people only dreamed of. She'd say that he's being silly and no way a half-foot could do that. He'd get frustrated with her, and she'd tease him. Eventually he stopped talking about it and she assumed he grew out of it. "One day.. I'm gonna be an adventurer. And lead people through dungeons..!"

⁃ Chilchuck thinks he first unconsciously started to fall in love with her around age seven, when his father had passed away. And although he wasn't close with him, and he was no model father, he was still his father. With the way his family dynamic was, no comfort or solidarity was provided to anyone. During the funeral, as he was being buried, Chilchuck stood and watched. Everything seemed blurry to him, his mother's sobs in the background as his older sister held her. His older brother burying him. As his two younger brothers trembled with anger on his other side. He wasn't sure how he felt. If he should be sad? Relieved? The death happened so fast. That was until he felt from behind, a small hand gently grabbed his. He didn't need to look back to see it was Bellana's. She got closer to him when he didn't push her away and gently hugged his arm. Showing her silent support. For whatever reason, this made Chilchuck realized this was real. And began to cry. Bellana held him. And helped him through the rest of the grieving period. He felt that this was the first time someone cared for him like that.

⁃ around the age of ten, Chilchuck realized he had feelings for Bellana. He denied it for awhile. Hitting himself when he'd catch himself admiring her. Saying that it's normal, that he was a boy so obviously he would find her attractive! It was normal and didn't mean anything! They were just friends. Bellana realized around age eleven. Realizing how her cheeks would heat up when he stood so close to her that she'd have to look up to meet his eyes. And how everything she does seems to be better if he's by her side.

⁃ one night when they were both eleven, their village held a big party to celebrate the new year. It was a big banquet outside. Starting at sundown. First they'd eat then dance until sunrise. On an outdoor dance floor decorated with banners, balloons, candles and fire lights. The village had them every year. But this one seemed special to them.

⁃ Bellana was talking with her girl friends on the dance floor about who they hoped would ask them to dance tonight. When Bellana was asked, she bashfully said Chilchuck. Her friends criticized her, saying Chilchuck was very shy and seemed rude to most. But some said they see the appeal (saying they liked that he was tall.)

⁃ That same night, Chilchuck couldn't keep his eyes off her. She was wearing a new blue sun dress her mother made for her. And he thought she looked beautiful. Thinking about how the low lights with the light blue dress seemed to make her glow. That's when one of his brothers noticed this, caught on quickly, and tried to get him to ask her to dance. He refused, saying he couldn't. This caused his brother to get annoyed and shoved Chilchuck into Bellana.

⁃ Chilchuck was of course a mess, and basically the convo went like this. "B-Bel..! You- uh.. would you- I mean- uh you wanna- (cursing in a different tongue.)" "Are you... asking me to dance, Chil..?" "Uh.. yeah...?"

⁃ About a year later and a half later, another party/festival was thrown. Their village often had stuff like this, and the two would go to every one of them together. Drinking and dancing had become their thing. And it wasn't long until the whole village new of the young love birds. People were now just making bets of when they would get married. but they had been doing that since they were kids.

⁃ this time, Chilchuck walked her there, brought her a flower, she wore a brand new yellow dress with her nicer jewelry. Since it was a special holiday for the half-foots.

⁃ the two did a lot more drinking this time; being thirteen, so close to adults no one really cared. They both got pretty drunk by the end of the night. And danced until morning. But even when the party shut down, they still wanted some more time together. So they went for a walk. Finding their way to Bellana family's barn. They had laid on the hayloft. Looking at the stars through a hole in the roof and talking. where the alcohol got the better of them. And ended up making love in the hayloft out of wedlock. Which is l considered very taboo for their hometown.

⁃ Bellana noticed her period was late about three weeks later. And was already experiencing symptoms since half-foot pregnancies only last 4 months. Such as vomiting and fatigue. She told Chilchuck right away. Who was shocked but slightly (extremely) panicked.

⁃ Bellana was extremely upset, she cried and was convinced her parents would kick her out. And that they'd be shamed, and their child would be shunned from the village. So Chilchuck said they should just get married. if they got married now people wouldn't find out. Bellana didn't really like this, since she always wanted a nice wedding and not a rushed one, even if it was Chilchuck. And wanted Chilchuck to propose to her properly because he loved her, not because they had to out of obligation. But Chilchuck reassured her he always wanted to marry her anyways. And might as well do it now rather than later.

⁃ so they had a very quick wedding which was basically the papers and I dos with the witnesses being her parents and his mother.

⁃ Bellana's parents were suspicious of the sudden quick wedding. Especially since they weren't even fourteen yet. But they didn't want to think their daughter would do something like that. Meanwhile Chilchuck's mother didn't really care, having five kids and all, two of which were married and living in on their own.

⁃ a couple weeks later when it was clear Bellana couldn't hide her pregnancy anymore she told both families. Her mother was happy, but her father was suspicious. He had always been not so approving of Chilchuck to begin with. Thinking his daughter deserved better than an emotionally distant locksmith who already had drinking problems before fifteen. This caused many fights between Bellana and her father.

Meijack

⁃ Since she was pregnant, Bellana's parents let Chilchuck stay with them for awhile.

⁃ one night when just the two of them were eating. Bellana said she wanted to move out of the village when they were both fourteen. Chilchuck was surprised, and asked if she was sure. She said despite the wedding the villagers caught on and weren't happy. That she wanted a fresh start, and her parents being so overbearing was hard on her too.

⁃ Chilchuck always wanted to leave and explore dungeons as his dream job. So he agreed, he brought the idea up to Bellana, but she said she didn't like it. She said that it was no time to chase his silly childhood dream. So he didn't bring it up again. Being a locksmith was fine for now.

⁃ Bellana was on the shorter side while Chilchuck is quite tall. Meijack got his genes and was a bigger baby. That made the first pregnancy harder on Bellana. By the 4th month she found it hard to move and breathe. Chilchuck took off work just so he could stay home and take care of her during these times. Despite her strong protests against it saying she's fine.

⁃ when he was finally aloud to see his daughter he cried a bit. Bellana was sleeping. When she woke up she asked if he was disappointed it wasn't a son. Chilchuck said no, that having a son or daughter meant nothing to him. Bellana felt touched, and loved how Meijack looked like him. She came up with the name Mei, Chilchuck picked Jack. So there came Meijack Chils.

Flertom

⁃ Two months later, being parents was a lot harder for them than they were expecting. one night when her parents were gone, And Meijack was finally in bed. They sat down and drank together for the first time in a very long time. They had too much to drink.

⁃ Flertom was conceived that night.

⁃ when Bellana realized she was pregnant again she was pissed at Chilchuck for several days. Who felt bad, saying he really tried to pull out in time but in his drunken state had totally forgotten.

⁃ when they told her parents, her father got upset. Saying they were going too fast for not even being adults yet. Bellana and her father argued at the dinner table. He brought up Chilchuck's job and saying he couldn't support her or their kids financially or emotionally. Causing Bellana to storm out.

⁃ Chilchuck stayed, nervous. That's when her father talked some sense into him. Saying that if he wanted to be a good husband and father, he needed to get his issues with being emotionally vulnerable and open under control. Which actually helped Chilchuck. And along his wife's second pregnancy, he worked on himself for his new family.

⁃ Chilchuck and Bellana talk, and decided that they'll wait until the second baby is born until they move. They're from the northern continent in small village in a half-foot territory. They decided to move to the eastern continent, where a decent sized half-foot city was. And they figured it wasn't too far from home. Since their children deserved to see their grandparents at least on some holidays. And there were many dungeons in the eastern continent, which is why Chilchuck agreed but he didn't tell Bellana this.

⁃ Bellana's second pregnancy was a bit more draining since her body hadn't fully recovered from the first one. One night, she woke up with an intense fever. This caught Chilchuck's attention, he cooled her off with some cold rags. She went back to sleep, but he stayed up all night watching her. She still had a fever in the morning so he tried to get her to go to the doctor. She refused saying she's fine, after some back and forth she gave in. They went to the doctors, and were told that she would be more likely to get sick than last time. Being her immune system was still down from the first pregnancy.

⁃ this pregnancy wasn't as hard on her body physically as last time. But she got more frequent and intense fevers and sickness, and it was harder to eat than with Meijack.

⁃ Bellana felt very insecure this pregnancy. Chilchuck could see this, but didn't really know how to handle it. He wanted to tell her how beautiful he thought she still was, but was often too shy and awkward to do so. So instead he'd bring her flowers and candies when he came home from work everyday. And held her closer to him at night.

⁃ Chilchuck turned fourteen while she was pregnant with Flertom. Bellana is a couple months older than him, she turned 14 in the two month gap between pregnancies.

⁃ bellana felt bad she couldn't do more for his birthday being so pregnant. But she made him a cake, and his signature gloves that he always wears. Chilchuck loved them obviously and wore them almost everyday he worked for years.

⁃ the two bickered a lot during the second pregnancy. Although Bellana doesn't remember them very well due to exhaustion. Chilchuck however did, but tried not to hold a grudge. Which was very hard for him, being his character to often do so. But he made an effort for her and their marriage. They were never serious arguments, just petty disagreements about small things.

⁃ her birth was like the last one. But this time Chilchuck argued to stay in the room with bellana. Which made her mother's opinion on him turn sour. But Bellana got him to leave finally saying he needed to take care of Meijack.

Moving

⁃ Bellana's parents didn't take the news that they were moving well. Chilchuck's mother was hurt but accepted it and wished him well.

⁃ bellana and her father got into a big argument. Where it was revealed they knew the whole time of the premarital sex and marrying out of obligation and they were trying to ignore it. Which is why they were not very supportive throughout the pregnancies or marriage.

⁃ her father actually said that he didn't believe they married out of love, and that they would be divorced in two years and she'll come back to them with both of the kids. (Which is actually part of the reason Bellana lived with Flertom during their estranged period. Because she didn't want to prove her parents right. It was also a reason she didn't get a full on divorce as well and it was more of a break if anything. Besides the obvious, that she still loved Chilchuck and wanted things to work. But her father's words did have some influence lol)

⁃ Their moving day got sped up because of that. And ended up catching a merchant in the early morning that would bring them to the harbor, which they took a ship to the eastern continent. They had a long talk on the ride there. Where they both admitted they didn't regret the girls or getting married, they just wished it came later in life.

⁃ They moved to a more populated area towards the west. It was closer to mixed race territories, but where they actually settled down was in a half-foot town. Since it was a bigger and more populated area, they could purchase a house instead of building one. They bought a decent sized one with the money Chilchuck saved up. But it only had two bedrooms. So the girls would have to share.

⁃ for a few years when the girls were young he just worked as a simple lock smith. It was hard, but some days it barely got the family of four by. This is when he habits of not eating as much as he should started. Wanting more for his girls and wife. Bellana often protested but he would put his foot down. Eventually it became clear he needed more than what he was bringing to the table. So he started dungeon work, very much against Bellana's wishes.

⁃ When he first brought it up it was a huge fight. Her throwing at him "you have two daughters to think about?! You're going to just go off and die and leave them fatherless, and me, a widow to raise them on my own?!" But soon she couldn't protest any longer. They're not many jobs he could do since they lived in a more mixed race area. Not many jobs paid good for half-foots. So she agreed. But he'd only do light work. Which is what he did for awhile. He'd tag with adventures on small dungeons, lock pic, translate, and be a better pair of eyes and ears. It was on these small trips that he learned about traps. Almost getting caught a couple times had scared him enough to read up heavily on them. And when he went out again he could put these things he learned into practice. Being the fast learner that he is he picked it up in no time.

Puckpatti

⁃ funny enough Puckpatti was also unplanned and more or less an accident. But just as welcomed and loved as the other two girls.

⁃ they were doing good for awhile. It wasn't until Puckpatti was born a year after they moved that he started to really panic.

⁃ although since they were away from the village and away from her mother. Chilchuck not only finally got to be in the room for his daughters birth but was actually the one to deliver her this time. He was nervous as hell and was panicking like crazy when her water broke. But soon he went into full serious dad/husband mode. Putting the girls up in their room with toys and snacks telling them not to leave unless they had to. As he stayed with his wife. It was easier obviously because by this time Bellana was a pro at this.

⁃ as much as Bellana being pregnant made him want to work more. He knew he had to cut back to take care of his wife and young children. He cut back in work more and more the later into her pregnancy. But the second the baby was born went to working much more to make up for lost time.

⁃ he was horrified of the thought that his girls would go hungry. Or that his children would have to get jobs young like he did to feed and clothe themselves. He started going into work alcoholic mode. He was going deeper and deeper into dungeons everyday. Staying later and later, longer and longer. To where he was no longer coming home to his family every night, but instead every few days. But he would leave almost immediately the next day or two days.

⁃ this greatly effected bellana of course. Causing her a lot of stress and anxiety. Not to mention the girls missed him more and more everyday. As did she. So once night she sat him down and had a talk. She discussed how it was hard doing this alone. Especially that he was never around. He understood, and started taking longer breaks in between jobs. This was good for everyone, and was nice for awhile. But in order to do this, Chilchuck had to go deeper into the dungeons for more money quicker so he could take these longer breaks.

Raising the girls/dungeon work

⁃ Because he was going deeper into dungeons more quickly. It was harder and harder each day. But he never died on these small dungeons, since they weren't like Thistle's where they had a spell on it. And weren't as dangerous either.

⁃ it was around this time he started drinking again. It was slow, and only really did it after jobs and when the girls were asleep. It was more like a hobby for him at this time. Since he's not actually an alcoholic like his father is. Alcoholism is partly a genetic trait, and he wasn't sure if he had inherited it from his father or not. But since he seemed to be able to control himself, and was able to think and look forward to other things throughout the day. He assumed he was in the clear.

⁃ When he spent his time at home, he spent most of his time with his girls. The first day he would come back he'd spend all day sleeping. Where Bellana would tell the girls not to bother their father, because he needs his rest. They always whine but understand. Because the next day he'll spend the whole day with his family. He'd also help around the house with chores and anything else while he was there. Which Bellana would also tell him he didn't need to do and it was her job, his job was to provide. But he'd always argue that he couldn't just sit there while everyone else was working. Despite her protests, she's always happy he's willing to help. Sometimes she does have to have certain jobs that she holds for him, because she'd rather he do it.

⁃ Meijack caused her parents a lot of worry when she was younger. She was always a shy kid, hiding behind her parent's legs when meeting new people. But that was normal for some children. When she was a baby she rarely cried and rarely made noise. Even as a toddler, while Flertom was babbling nonsense away at a young age, Meijack was quiet. If she wanted something she'd hum and point, drag her parents to what she wanted, or put something in their hand to communicate. This greatly worried them, especially Bellana who would cry to Chilchuck at night wondering why her daughter wasn't talking. Chilchuck would comfort her, saying she was probably just a late bloomer. And if not, and she really was mute. They'd get through it together, and figure out what they'd need to do for her. Finally, when she was about three, she said her first words. Which were "more please" durning dinner. Bellana was so happy she almost cried. As Meijack grew older she got more confident with her speech with her family. But was very quiet in public and basically never talked in wide social situations. Finally at four they took her to a doctor where she was diagnosed to have selective mutism.

⁃ When Puckpatti was younger, she got bullied a lot. Mostly for being small and what other kids considered "dumb" because of her carefree, airhead like attitude. This really hurt her self esteem for awhile. Meijack being the over protective sister she was, would defend her, tell the kids off especially if they were older. And would start walking with her to school. Flertom was less confrontational. But if she saw it happening she would step in. Normally though she'd just comfort her little sister. This obviously upset her parents. Chilchuck would be angry and Bellana upset. She'd tell Puckpatti that the kids were just jealous, and that's what kids do and they're cruel. Chilchuck would want to talk to their parents, but Bellana would worry that it could disrupt the peace. Luckily it never got physical, and it only lasted when she was really little. It was gone by the time she was in her teens. Which reminds me of this dialogue: "Dad, am I ugly?" "Of course not. You're the most beautiful girl in the world."

⁃ Chilchuck would tell the girls lots of folklore from their homeland when he was home. Although most of them wouldn't have happy endings, and would end up scaring the girl. Bellana would fuss at him to go easier on them. But he would argue that fear is how they learn and it would keep them safe. He would tell stories of trolls that would take kids that wandered too far in the woods. Fairies that steal your sweets if you don't eat your vegetables. Mermaids that would drown you if you swam too far in the sea or lakes even. But, he would also tell them stories of the dungeons with the purpose of keeping them away from the dungeons. Stories of an adventurer who thought exploring dungeons would be fun, and him never comes home. Obviously that terrified them, because he goes in dungeons. And for awhile they were more clingy and terrified of him not coming home one day. Where he has to give them the talk; "I've always come home before haven't I? And I'll always come home after."

⁃ Chilchuck had a bad habit of yelling and losing his temper quickly. Mostly when they would do something that could've gotten them hurt, and he got angry out of worry. But after he calmed down, he'd always apologize to them, and calmly explained that he just worried about them because he loved them. And didn't want to see them get hurt, then tell them what they did was wrong or dangerous and why they shouldn't do it again.

⁃ when they were only babes, Bellana discussed with Chilchuck how she'd like him to teach them some of the other languages he spoke. Since he knew seven whole languages and her only three. So growing up he'd talk to them in multiple languages, Meijack learned three fluently and parts of two. Flertom also learned three and parts of one other, (and ended up learning dwarfish herself later on.) but Puckpatti only learned one extra one since she never took her father's lessons seriously.

⁃ when Meijack and Flertom were young. One night they couldn't sleep because Bellana and Chilchuck were arguing in the next room. Flertom earlier that day had learned that they were both born the same year their parents got married. Meijack had memorized their wedding date due to a previous conversation. Being a bit older, they did the math with Meijack's birthday and the wedding. And revealed she was probably conceived about a month before than. Flertom made the comment of "you made them get married before they were ready. No wonder they fight all the time." Not thinking anything of it. Because of this, Meijack has actually blamed herself as a child (irrationally of course) for her parents issues for awhile. When they could fight she secretly wished she wasn't born, thinking it was her fault.

⁃ at ages four and two ish, Flertom had found a black, orange and white calico kitty. She brought it home and begged her mother to let her keep it. Meijack and Puckpatti saw this as well and joined in. Also wanting the kitty. Chilchuck was on a job at the time. So Bellana said it was up to their father, since his money would ultimately be the one paying for it. But she made it clear she wouldn't be taking care of the cat, and it would be the girls' collective responsibility. They agreed and waited for their father to return. Letting the cat stay with them til' then. When Chilchuck finally came home the very first thing he saw was a cat being shoved in his face and all three of his daughters' big puppy eyes. With a "daddy can we keep him. Pleeeeeeeease." Chilchuck wanted to say no at first, but seeing them all beg him like that wore him down. And he reluctantly agreed. He was the stereotypical dad who didn't want the cat but ended up loving the cat. The girls argued on a name, but eventually settled on Pebbles.

⁃ the girls favorite toys growing up were, a lock box and a few spinners for Meijack. A red dragon plush that had dried rice in it for Flertom. And a doll with button eyes and yarn hair for Puckpatti. Which Chilchuck all kept in a box in his workshop when they got older. Filled with more of their toys and some baby clothes and blankets they liked as well.

⁃ Meijack had some more problems too growing up. As Chilchuck slowly started to spend more and more time in the dungeons. Leaving for weeks and weeks at a time. Rumors around their town started to circle. The other parents would talk. Gossiping, saying he must not love his wife. And dungeon work must be an excuse to stay away from home. That Bellana must be a mean wife. That he must find his children irritating. Etc etc. which of course trickled down to the children. Who would make fun of Meijack and Flertom. Laughing at them saying their father doesn't really love them and is avoiding them. Flertom would just cry, saying they're wrong. While Meijack would get angry and violent. Ending up getting into fights with other half-foot children. If it was another race child, she'd end up throwing rocks or sticks at them. She would get badly hurt, and of course in a lot of trouble. Bellana was furious with her when she was first dragged in by one of the parents. That is until Meijack broke down sobbing, telling her everything that had been happening. Meijack being Meijack, she didn't tell her parents about any of this til now. This caught Bellana by surprise since she never acts like this, causing her to be softer. But the one that talked to Meijack most about this was of course Chilchuck, her having always been a daddy's girl after all. He would hold her, calm her down after her fits of rage, clean her up. When the parents finally got together to talk about what was happening. Chilchuck made it very clear that "his situation. His family, and his marriage were not a topic of gossip. And they should be ashamed of themselves for getting the children involved."

⁃ once they were old enough he tired to teach all of them trades and skills he knew. Such as lock picking, how to tailor clothing, haggling prices down, repairing things like that. Meijack obviously picked up lock picking very well. So as she grew older he continued to teach her the trade. Flertom surprisingly really took to haggling and bargaining. So much so that when her mother moved in with her as an adult, she ended up doing all the shopping because she could always get the seller to bring the price down. And Puckpatti, somehow learned from her father's lessons is how to have a good poker face and become a convincing liar. Chilchuck still isn't sure how that happened.

⁃ Flertom was a sensitive girl. She'd cry the most, was the most affectionate, and wanted to spend the most time with the parents. Chilchuck and Bellana referred to her as, "the little sweetheart." But said she had her mother's temper and father's sharp tongue when it came to it.

⁃ Puckpatti was always the baby. She gave them the most trouble growing up. Having the most tantrums as a child. If she didn't get her way she'd simply start screaming. She was especially hard on poor Chilchuck when he was taking care of her by himself. Sometimes even holding her breath until she got her way. When she would throw her tantrums, Bellana would deal with it by talking her down. And Chilchuck would simply ignore her til she tired herself out, then talk to her about what happened and what made her upset like his wife does.

⁃ when Meijack was eleven she told her parents she was feeling attraction to other woman, and not men. Flertom always had been a bit boy crazy. So it scared her that she never felt the things her sister did. But instead, seemed to get flustered when the pretty elf girls or half-foots would compliment her freckles and long, ginger hair. She told Chilchuck first, who was more excepting immediately with his more world and people experience. She was more scared to tell her mother. Bellana didn't get it at first, not understanding. But she wasn't prejudiced. Just didn't quite understand, not hearing something like that often. But after some time, and some talking with Chilchuck. She understood one simple thing, she loved her daughter and just wanted her to be happy.

⁃ as the girls got older and more independent. he didn't necessarily need to spend as much time at home. So he started moving back to doing longer dungeon work. Staying out longer, going deeper, not staying home as much anymore. It bothered Bellana at first but she kept quiet. Knowing they needed the money.

⁃ Meijack moved out a few weeks after she turned fourteen. Getting employed as a locksmith under a larger company. Chilchuck gave all his girls a sum of money to get them on their feet when they moved out. Flertom moved out a few months after her fourteenth birthday. Staying close to home, she got a job at a local tavern as a waitress. In an area popular among dwarves. Puckpatti stayed about a year after her sisters. But left when she was only twelve. Both Chilchuck and Bellana heavily protested, saying she should wait til she's an adult like her sisters and they did. But she argued saying they got married before they were adults so she should be aloud to move out. So despite her parent's wishes, she left. Neither of them really knew what she did, since she barely kept in touch the first year which heavily worried them. but soon she started sending letters, saying she was traveling with a group and she was okay. Later Chilchuck would run into her at a market where she was selling dragon dung. He was a little disappointed this is what she decided to do, but knew he couldn't stop her. In his own words, "it'll burn her someday." So he just reminded her that she will always have a place to come back to if (when) needed.

The island

⁃ About a year later Chilchuck wanted to retired and open up his own locksmith shop as a way to continue to support him and his wife, keep himself busy, and to save money to pass onto his girls when they both pass. But he was no where near the goal he needed to reach. This was around the time of the rumor of the island with a huge dungeon under it where you couldn't die had been going around local adventurers. So after a very, very, very long and hard talk with Bellana. She agreed to move to the island with him. Only really agreeing to it because apparently he wouldn't die. So they moved, more temporarily if anything, Flertom took over their old home.

⁃ One of the first jobs was where he was tricked to be used as bait for a succubus. This is the first time he went home and Bellana saw him truly terrified, and on the verge of tears. She tried to comfort him but he was practically inconsolable. She saw a noticeable change that night with him.

⁃ After that, he dove harder into work, and alcohol. He started the guild to protect half-foots. And started to be a bigger advocate for them, even though he had always been very outspoken against the harsh treatment towards his people. He became even more so.

⁃ so Bellana began to see less and less of her beloved husband. And every time he'd come home, he seemed different every time. Every time he came back from a job his attitude got worse and worse. He drank more and more. Where it went from just a hobby before to now a coping mechanism. Although he never ever laid a hand on her, and never insulted her or had violent outbursts of any kind. He was noticeably more cold and distant. Seemingly always something on his mind. He never shared what happened when he was away, which he did before hand as well. It didn't bother her much back then since he always seemed fine and came back with a smile. But now he was coming home with injuries she'd never seen before. And he was never home. He'd be gone for weeks, come home for only two days before he was gone again on average. Leaving Bellana alone in the house, on an island where she knew no one. Their affection of course dropped, they had barely made love since they moved there. And would barely be affectionate when he was home. Bellana quickly grew tired. Beginning to think that maybe he was finally growing bored of her, moving on or falling out of love even. The thoughts of another woman also crossed her mind.

⁃ along the way, Chilchuck met a group whom he quickly grew rather fond of. He told them happily about his beautiful wife and three daughters who were already all independent and living on their own.

⁃ one particular trip, they ran into a group of succubus. Two succubus had gone after Chilchuck, both blond beauties with long hair, light eyes and tall slender yet curvy figures. The group saves him, and immediately assumes that must be what his wife looks like! Chilchuck on the other hand is horrified, his wife looks absolutely nothing like that! But he figured they'd drop it. He questions his subconscious loyalty to his wife for awhile. Until he comes to the conclusion that they were just showing a sexual fantasy he had and nothing more. He still loves Bellana and she is still the most beautiful woman in the world to him. She is his wife and mother of his three kids. They were just a horny thought. Nothing more.

⁃ this isn't brought up again until the night the party meet Bellana. The party insisted they meet her, very curious about their young looking member's family. Eventually he agrees, seeing no harm in it. Bellana is delighted when he invites her to dinner with his coworkers. She thinks this could be the start for things to look up with them. That maybe this was him letting her into this part of his life. she gets herself all dressed up. A little bit extra to hope maybe she'll catch his attention and maybe even make love again that night afterwards. They hadn't in months at this point. But Chilchuck grumbles at her, saying it's not that big of a deal and it's just casual. It hurts her a bit but she pushes it away. Trying to understand where he was coming from.

⁃ Chilchuck was grumpy in the beginning of the night. But loosened up when he started drinking and talking to his friends. Bellana saw how happy he was smiling with his companions and even other woman that it hurt her. It made her feel insignificant, and that he was falling out of love with her. The attention she got from the men of the party, and how Chilchuck barely bothered to tell them to "fuck off she's taken." Hurt as well, but she felt she was being nit-picky. Until finally, one of the party members spoke up. Saying that she was nothing what they all thought she'd look like, since she looks nothing like his fantasy. Confused, Bellana asked them to explain. Whole Chilchuck's face dropped, he immediately aggressively shook his head, waving his arms wildly to tell them to shut it. But soon the whole party started to join in, finding it funny. They explained what a succubus was. And what they do, they explained, in great detail, how his succubus turned into naked woman with long, curly blond hair and blue or green eyes with model type bodies. Some, not even being half-foots. That absolutely broke Bellana, and in her mind confirmed it. Chilchuck had completely fallen out of love with her. He didn't even find her physically attractive anymore. And that maybe the succubus had even turned into his mistress.

⁃ Chilchuck tried to explain, saying it was nothing more than a fantasy he's had since a child. Soon the party laughed it off, and the conversation moved on. Chilchuck tried to forget about it and moved on himself shortly afterwards. But Bellana didn't say anything much for the rest of the dinner.

⁃ on their way home they night, she had completely shut down. Refusing to take his arm when he offered, barely looking at him, and answering in a short blunt tone as they walked home. Which Chilchuck remembered as her just being "moody." He thought maybe the party members had said something to upset her. Or she was just tired. So he let it go. Which hurt Bellana even more that he never even bothered to ask what was wrong.

- the next morning he was gone. That party had ended up planning another run, it was much shorter so he saw no harm in not waking Bellana up to say goodbye this time.

⁃ Bellana woke up to an empty bed. And the first thing she did was cry. She sobbed alone in an empty house all morning. Until finally pulling herself together. She made her decision. She was going to get off the island. She would go to Flertom, since she was closest. If Chilchuck didn't love her anymore like she suspected then fine. But if he did, then surely he'd come find her right? He'd come and they'd talk and they'd be able to work out their problems and be happy again like they use to be. Bellana didn't pack much, mostly just clothes, but by night fall she was on a ship towards the eastern continent.

⁃ a few days later she arrived at Flertom's aka her old door step in the rain. Tears streaming down her cheeks. Flertom was shocked, letting her in. Her mind went to the worse. Dad was dead. He either drank himself to death or was killed in the dungeons. But once Bellana explained Flertom felt sad. As a kid they seemed so in love. She had no idea they've had so many problems for years. The last year being the absolute worst. She didn't remember all the fights they had when she and Mei were young. (Meijack did however. Being very perceptive. But never mentioned it in typical Meijack fashion.) Flertom let her mother stay there again of course. Asking what the plan is. Bellana said she'd wait. For her husband? She didn't know. For her to move on. For Chilchuck to come find her. For another man to sweep her off her feet and make her feel young again. She had no clue. But she was just going to wait and see.

⁃ when Chilchuck came home to an empty home he immediately panicked. Freaking out thinking the worse, he looked all over until he found the letter on his doorstep. Opening it, half expecting some sort of ransom letter. He was relieved but confused. Once he read that his wife had, in Flertom's words, "needed some air". He felt angry, betrayed and confused. He didn't know what to do, so of course, he drank himself until he was black out drunk.

⁃ For months he was too angry with her to do anything but seethe at every passing thought of her. To him this was a complete betrayal. As time passed, he subconsciously realized that he probably was all his fault. That he pushed her away in hindsight. But he had too much pride and anger to ever admit that to himself. So instead of dealing with it like an adult, he just fully threw himself into work. Never home. He eventually cleared out the house of all personal belongings. Barely standing to stay in it. He rented it out, moved all the stuff down in the basement where he stayed. The most frequent person he rented it too was actually Bellana's younger brother. "Gotta say Chil.. I really thought you and my big sis would last. You always seemed like quite the love birds when we were kids." "For the last time.. we're not divorced. Just estranged. We're still married. There's a clear difference. Now let's stop talking about this." "Uh huh..."

⁃ meanwhile Bellana had tried to date a man again mostly due to the daughters influence. But it felt wrong, and she ended up ghosting the poor green-eyed bartender after three dates.

Retirement

⁃ Then a year later he met Laios. He was planning to retire when Laios came to the guild wanting to hire a half-foot. Of course the obvious answer was for Chilchuck to go. But hearing that Laios wanted to go deeper, it seemed like a perfect excuse to get his mind off his marital problems. And we all know how most of that went. Three years later Falin got eaten and yada yada.

⁃ MANGA SPOILERS: after the kingdom rose from the sea. Chilchuck made it his job to help the half-foots get back on their feet. Partly another distraction. He started up the union again, to help put the half-foots back in work. It didn't take long with the new kingdom forming. So soon he was able to open up his shop like he wanted. Figuring it was still something to do and not just sit around in his misery. He decided to open it up in the kingdom instead since it was growing bigger by the day. And he would be the first locksmith shop. And also due to marcille's begging. He didn't bother seeing his wife again until Meijack had moved into the kingdom to work with Chilchuck.

⁃ Chilchuck had matured a lot since then. And mellowed out with the new quiet life. One night, he had invited all his girls to dinner at the castle. Heavily from Marcille's influence. But the other party members were curious about his daughters as well. Most of the night consisted of chasing Puckpatti away from Laios. Dragging Flertom away from Senshi. And removing Meijack from both Falin and Marcille. Marcille at dinner asked if he had talked to any of his other family members often. He had dinner with Flertom a few times and exchanged letters with Puckpatti, and seen her in passing once. She then popped the question about his wife, where he kinda shut down again. She scolded him, saying he said he would apologize to her after it was over. And it's been a year. He sighed and says she's right. He accidentally makes eye contact with Meijack. Who's staring at him intensely with a hopeful look in her eyes. He gets nervous and looks to the other side of him. Where Puckpatti and Flertom were both looking at him. Flertom with wide, teary eyes. And Puckpatti's bottom lip quivering. Those looks from his girls broke his heart.

⁃ that night he was up all night thinking everything over. He knew it was his fault. He knew he drove her away. He knew he had changed, and she didn't like it. He was finally able to admit it to himself. And he finally admitted to himself, that he did in fact, miss Bellana dearly.

⁃ within the next week. He traveled to their old home. He stood at the doorstep for at least ten minutes before finally knocking. Flertom was already home, so she answered. She was confused at first. Asking if he had sent a letter and she just missed it. He said no, and he was sorry for showing up unannounced. But he wanted to talk to her mother. Flertom looked shocked and like she was about to cry. She said of course and said she needed to go run some errands anyways (which was a lie) and she left. Despite Chilchuck saying she didn't need to. But he still appreciated the privacy.

⁃ Bellana was angry at first, not angry that he came. But angry it took him four years. The first words out of Chilchuck's mouth were. "I'm so sorry, Bel.." bellana asked what he wanted and he said to talk, but more importantly to apologize. She said fine, but she wanted to speak first. And she explained how she felt all those years. And explained what happened that night. He listened, her pointing out things he hadn't even thought of. And she apologized for not being the best wife at times. For starting fights when they were younger, and expecting more when he already did more than he could handle some days. He tried to tell her she had nothing to apologize for but she insisted she did. Then it was his turn. He explained what was happening, why he changed so much, and why it took him so long to find her again. And apologized for all of it. They fell into silence, when Bellana asked, "did you still love me..?" Which made Chilchuck felt like he was going to cry. Saying of course he did, he never stopped loving her and that even now he still does. Even during the years he was so angry with her and tried to convince himself he was better off, he knew deep down he still loved her.

⁃ she began to cry, and Chilchuck took her in his arms for the first time in years. They stood there and just cried with each other for awhile. Eventually asking what this meant for them. Chilchuck said he wanted to try again, but it was all up to her. She said she did too, but she wanted to take things slow. He agreed.

⁃ they started off seeing each other everyday. Going on little dates and outings. Chilchuck (eventually) introduced her to everyone at the party. Although he was very embarrassed, even more so as Bellana went out of her way to let them know how affectionate and "romantic" he was when they were younger. and telling them embarrassing stories about him and the girls as well. They also started having dinner as a whole family. Which was an adjustment for everyone. Affection was a little weird a first, not so much awkward as it was not knowing. Neither wanting to go too fast or make the other uncomfortable. They didn't sleep together again until about three months in. After about nine months of this things got back to almost how it was before. They moved into a one room cottage together a little ways away from his shop with a nice plot of land around it. Complete with a little white fence and everything.

⁃ about a year or two years. Chilchuck's prediction about Puck became true. Puckpatti's unserious attitude had gotten her into trouble. She got scammed out of all her money by people she had been traveling with, and robbed by a precious "business partner." And when trying to get back on her feet again, a group of fisherman she tried to get a job with tried to use her as bait for sea beasts. She managed to escape. And immediately went to her parents' home.

⁃ she collapsed into her mothers arms crying. Chilchuck was at work when this happened. Coming home to seeing Puckpatti wrapped up in a blanket as Bellana made dinner. He asked what she was doing here, and through tears she explained the situation. He sighed, he said he had warned her about all this. Not surprised but still sorry for her. Bellana scolded him gently, saying she needed comfort and empathy right now and not a lecture. He sighed and apologized. Then gave Puckpatti a hug. Saying she was welcomed in the home as long as she needed. Puckpatti stayed with them for a few months. Eventually finding a job at a flower shop. And moved out a few more months after working.

⁃ Meijack inherited Chilchuck's shop when he fully retired at forty-eight . She also met a big eyed, curly haired half-foot girl later in her life. Although they were never publicly affectionate, and were never married or even official courted. It was clear they were in a romantic relationship. They lived together above Meijack's shop. And really the only people who knew they were romantic was family. Everyone else in town thought they were simply friends and roommates. And really the only reason Meijack's family knew is because she was brought to family events and they were together for every holiday. And who brings their roommate to that stuff? Meijack took on an Puckpatti's son as an apprentice and would pass the shop onto him when she retired.

⁃ Flertom down the road eventually did meet a half-foot boy whom she quickly fell for. They had a very fast and messy relationship, and she ended up getting pregnant. They had a son, but he was unwilling to marry her. He said he just wanted to wait until he had more money. Chilchuck warned her, saying how he never liked the guy because he seemed to childish and not serious about her. That he thought her and her baby deserved better. and not marrying her was a red flag and she should be careful. Flertom got defensive, saying that he just wanted to provide for them. And that just because him and mom had a shotgun wedding doesn't mean she should. Chilchuck felt hurt but understood she was a grown adult. Flertom continued to work with the baby, Bellana baby sitting during the day. It was a boy named Kamkate, with the nickname Kammy. It wasn't until about a year later when Flertom got pregnant yet again that things went wrong. Her man still refused to marry her. So being done, and already having plenty or problems with him, (including suspects of him cheating,) she said he either marry her and start taking being a father for their children seriously. Or get out of her life. Fed up, he turned and walked out the door. Never to be seen again. Flertom struggled for awhile. Not able to keep up with everything as a now single mom of two, with a new baby girl named Starlea. Chilchuck decided to fund her money, enough the she wouldn't need to work and could raise her babies. Flertom was grateful, crying to him. Apologizing for their fight and saying he was doing too much. He told her to stop crying and that he would be a sad excuse for a father if he didn't held his daughter at her lowest point in life. Bellana also helped, going over almost everyday. Helping take care of the babies and teaching her all the things she's learned. Originally they had the last name of their father. But to be petty and since he clearly wasn't going to be apart of their lives, she gave their family names Chils instead. Chilchuck acted like he didn't care, but secretly he was flattered. (And proud because he knew he oneuped the shitty asshole that hurt his baby.) Once they were old enough for school Flertom was able to work again. About 2 years later she met a young dwarf man who was impressed that she was a single mother of two and was able to keep her and her babies afloat. Although it wasn't rich like her original fantasy he was a successful blacksmith. They fell in love, married, and later her children both learned the blacksmith trade. Able to make some pretty intricate stuff with their small hands. But despite getting married finally, Flertom kept their family names as Chils.

⁃ Puckpatti went through a lot of relationships through her life. With half-foots, tall men and even elves. Which caused her parents to be very worried for her. But despite this she never got pregnant. She took any get-rich-quick opportunity she could find. Constantly changing who she was traveling with and always moving. She didn't have a real job or even home for a long time. It wasn't until eveything went down and she moved back with her parents that she got her life together. As I said before she got a job as a florist. Very later in her life she met a grey-eyed tall man. It was nice for a while and they even got engaged. But it was broke off when he realized how badly he wanted children. It devastated her for awhile but she got back on her feet. She got a second job part time in a local book store, hired by an elderly gnome woman who was getting too old to run the shop. Eventually she took over when the gnome retired. 6 months later she met a blue eyes half foot who was a traveler from the north selling potions. He fell instantly for her, but she was cautious. But soon fell for him too. They got married about a year later and almost immediately had a son named Pepermac. Everyone was very relieved that she finally settled down to say the least.

[mushrubes]

Arguments

Masterlist | Call of duty masterlist |

Requested : no

Based on character ai { John Price by @/zwombite }

Pairing :Captain John Price x reader

Pronouns : you/yours

Type :  angst + fluff

Word count : 692

Content: established relationship, argument, slightly ooc + non canonical <3

Have a great day !! <3

————

You and Price hadn't always come to an agreement when it came to some things in your relationship. He was set in his own ways. There was no changing it. But of course, he had to be a dick about it. In an argument you were trying to explain your side of things, raising your voice so you could be heard by him. But he took it all the wrong way. "You're being immature, Ruby. Stop acting like a child." He huffed, trying to ridicule you for being significantly younger. "Then listen to me for once, price!" you groaned, holding your head in your hand in disbelief. Price rolled his eyes and snorted. "There you go again, always taking things so personal. Grow up, seriously." He scoffed. "Stop overreacting."

"Screw you. Screw this." You scoffed, picking up my drink and walking out of his office. Price didn't even try to chase after you. He was well used to this behaviour by now. You'd be back to grovel within the hour anyway. "Don't be so immature, Ruby," he called out in a mocking tone. "I'm going to clear my head before I say something I regret!" you huffed, walking through the corridor and going outside, sitting just outside the training area. You found some seclusion in a corner of the yard. It was a peaceful escape from that loud moron. But you were too angry to appreciate the tranquillity. You sat there nursing your anger and trying to understand where the relationship went south. He used to be sweet and caring. So why is he acting like… a dick now? You thought. You sat down in front of the tree, head in your arms, soft sobs escaping you.

You started to cry quietly. It was a relief to finally let your feelings out. Suddenly you were aware of a presence nearby. Someone stood in front of you, but you were too distraught to look up at them. You don't push him away as you feel him wrap his arms around you. You felt a pair of strong arms wrap around you, a masculine body leaning over you, comforting you in your sorrow. You looked up and saw Price, his expression softened, gazing at you with concern. You didn't expect this from him at all. "I'm sorry," he whispered, caressing the back of your head. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." you repeated, sobbing into his chest. Price hugged you tightly. "I was an idiot," he murmured. "It's been a tough day and I took my stress out on you. I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry." You noticed his eyes were sparkling with remorse. He seemed genuinely apologetic now. "I'm so sick of all this arguing, price." your voice a whisper as you looked at him.

Price loosened his grip as you spoke, giving you space. "I know." He said quietly, his tone gentle. "We got off on the wrong foot. I don't want us fighting anymore, I promise." Then he gently took your hands. "I'm not going anywhere. We'll work things out, okay? It's not the end of the world. And I'll do better." he promised, his voice genuine. You hug him tightly, burying your face into his chest. Price strokes your hair as you hug him, soothing you and comforting you in the moment. He seems completely different from the brash jerk you used to know.

He's kind and caring now, and you can see a flicker of love in his eyes. Suddenly you feel a spark of attraction, your anger dissipating as you melt into his embrace. He's so much stronger than you and so attractive. You don't want to let go. Price's expression softens even more as you utter those three words. All traces of sternness or arrogance melt away, making him look completely vulnerable. He looks down at you with adoring eyes, taking in every detail of your face. He lowers his head and kisses you gently. He wraps you in his arms, kissing your lips softly and lovingly. The kiss lasts for several long seconds, Price reluctant to pull away but eventually doing so.

"I love you too."

[timdrakemybeloved]

Snape makes me so fucking mad holy fuck, I’m incapable of thinking of him positively. I don’t even like Draco and I think of him 10x more positively than I think of Snape.

What kind of person gets bullied as a child and then grows up and bullies the child of his bully like that makes him way worse than James (btw I love James and I fully believe he matured and grew up and is a good person who deserved more than for Snape to tell a literal Nazi terrorist to kill him and his infant son but to leave his wife alive). Snape had way more power over the kids he taught than James did over him and what did he do with it?

He made fun of their appearance and scared them to the point that he was Neville’s boggart (which when you think about it is so awful because 1, Neville’s parents got tortured into insanity and I’m pretty sure he was there, and his boggart probably should have been Bellatrix or his uncle even, and 2, he did it because Neville was the other possible prophecy child and Snape was upset that Voldie didn’t pick him to kill when HE GAVE HIM THE PROPHECY IN THE FIRST PLACE).

He said shitty things about Harry’s dead parents and orphan-hood, was glaring at Harry literally right off the bat so don’t say it was because he got into trouble a lot, asked him questions he couldn’t possibly know, told Draco to summon a serpent during duelling club??? How irresponsible is that???

Literally lied to the minister just to get Sirius killed, which atp is ridiculous (I think Sirius was dumb as fuck, careless, possibly malicious, to tell snape where to go to find moony, but snape literally already suspected that Remus was a werewolf so idk what the fuck he thought was gonna happen if he found him during the full moon, and calling it a murder attempt is a stretch), like grow up please this man was in Azkaban for 12 years which is a hugely disproportionate punishment for anything he did do to you, and the reason he was there in the first place was literally fraudulent, which he knew and he lied anyway.

And honestly the Legilimancy lessons were fucking joke, who looks through an abused kids memories and makes fun of both the abuse and the few good memories he has?? And then he’s surprised that Harry tried to equal the playing field between them?? Snape had way more power than Harry did, and obviously it wasn’t the best thing to do to a person but yk what I’m not going to judge Harry’s actions, Snape was abusive and the victim isn’t to blame for their reactions to their abuser.

And he threw Harry across the room for seeing his memories?? Abuse. To be honest even seeing the memory about James being a bully felt like JKR trying to make shit up as fast as possible to make Snape seem more redeemable, which apparently worked for some people who think abusing kids is okay as long as you have a tragic backstory and an abusive parent. And it actually makes me really mad that he thought Harry was treated like a prince so decided to treat him like shit so he wouldn’t get any ideas about having self esteem or confidence, then found out that he was abused and then just did nothing and tbh treated him worse. And the lessons themselves were actually painful to Harry?? They definitely made his mind more vulnerable, he had more nightmares.

And let’s not forget that he joined a Nazi group that wanted to exterminate people like his best friend, called his best friend a slur, viewed Lily as an exception to the other muggleborns, and invented sectumsempura for his enemies IN SCHOOL which means the Maurauders.

And it makes me sick that he looked in a room with a crying baby whose parents just got murdered, his mom right in front of him, and a dead woman who was killed by his Nazi leader like directly because of his actions, and then he ignored the baby and went to hug the woman’s dead body. Like if I was Lily, I wouldn’t want him near either my body or my child, but if he was my only option, then he better be fucking taking care of my living son. Like she rejected him his weird obsession for her freaks me tf out.

And I get that without Snape asking for Lily to be spared, Voldemort wouldn’t have asked Lily to stand aside and the blood protection wouldn’t have been activated, but literally once good thing happening because of a tragedy he caused doesn’t make him a good person.

Anyway. Think I got it out of my system for now. Fuck Snape. :)

Edit: Just to be clear, I actually find his character really compelling, even though I dislike him and his actions. And of course I’m not saying no one can like Snape.

[nereidprinc3ss]

OMG. i’m just a bit of a overthinker so i have this bit of a bad habit where i tend to overanalyze everything when i shouldn’t 😃 but since you asked, here are some of the things that made me consider that reader might have daddy issues.

just please please don’t let this affect your work, your writing is absolutely perfect and nothing about it should be changed. again, it’s just me being a weird intp autistic overthinker.

1. it kinda looks like she uses sex to feel loved. she even confronts him by speculating that he might not be attracted to her. through the entire series reader is constantly scared of the idea of spencer leaving her after finding out who she actually is as a vulnerable person based on her nakedness if that makes any sense?

“But I just… sometimes I worry I’ll scare you away once you realize I’m not as pretty or… good as you thought.”

2. spencer’s character is obviously well known for having an eloquent vocabulary but he even gives me the vibe of being a little bit much older than reader. which is a common thing in women with daddy issues, like me. but again, this is just my way of interpreting the whole thing. he always seems to be so put up together but of course, that might change with the new chapter. even his actions make him sound more older, like in here:

“He smiles up at you like you’re something divine and lets his hands trail over your hips.” 

i’m probably just being weird about it but i just THINK it’s impossible for a guy close to reader’s age to think like this and be this gentle because young men are stupid by default and very few have this sense of gentleness with their actions. even with the way he calls her honey, i have never in my life seen a guy my age call their girlfriend “honey” and sure, this is merely fiction but for this reason i picture both of them with bit of an age gap going on in their relationship.

3. spencer is a bit of a emotionally unreachable boyfriend sometimes! and i’m analyzing this based on his confession towards reader about him regretting his first time. like there is so much rambling in this dynamic and it takes him long enough to be able to directly say it to her. yeah, he wasn’t ready to tell reader he loved her but there were other ways to tell her that he regretted his first time. almost like there is no emotional connection or actual trust between them.

4. sometimes reader is also unable to trust spencer, it’s so easy to see how she’s constantly battling in her head to ask him a simple question or even taking a compliment from him. i know it’s just meant to be portrayed as insecurity but this is actually a common thing in daddy issues as far as i know.

“He likes me and my questions are important to him, you repeat to yourself silently as you work up the strength.”

5. and moreover, this one sentence:

“It’s every fiber of your being screaming to tell him how you feel, to beg him on your knees not to go because you love him like a child loves a parent or a bee loves honeysuckle or the ocean loves the horizon.”

and this one part as well: Somehow, he makes you feel like a scolded child. But he makes it appealing in ways you don’t understand. 

But again, your work is PERFECT. and i wouldn’t have it any other way. you keep doing you. ❤️

me rambling about the DYBMN age gap and reader potentially being neurodiverse below the cut 🙏 bless

oh so it is definitely interwoven throughout the entire thing and i didn’t even realize you are so right omg😭 this is like in tangled when rapunzel realizes she’s been painting the sun emblem subconsciously her whole life

anyway bff this just made me so ridiculously happy. like the analysis??? the attention to detail???? im ecstatic im losing my mind ily this is so insanely thoughtful thank you for doing this!!!

and yeah i think you could be right about the age gap. i think i technically only put it as an implied warning for one of the chapters but the more i write the more i realize that is definitely a part of the dynamic. but also like?? not all the time?? not for sure?? and i don’t necessarily think that if they DO have an age gap it’s a super big one (although it’s up to you guys, none of my business) i think i feel that way because oftentimes they will behave like peers in the same age group which is how i wrote them on purpose. but it could also be that they’re peers in other ways like let me explain something i’ve been thinking about

reader is insecure not only about being inexperienced in romance but in life, and feeling powerless/helpless in the way that a child might. i think that comes from me being neurodivergent and putting bits and pieces of me into the writing. a very common thing among neurodiverse people is feeling behind developmentally from their peers which the reader is DEFINITELY struggling with so i think she’s lowkey nd coded which wasnt my intent but here we are—and so even if she and spencer aren’t super close in age they might be peers in that sense. as an nd person i often don’t relate well with ppl my age and find myself much more comfortable and finding natural connection w people significantly older than me. so that could very much be a part of it but iddkkkkk reader doesn’t have to be nd and they don’t have to have an age gap but it’s fun to theorize! anyway thank you so much for your thoughts lovely they are so appreciated!!

[hoes4hoseok]

enhypen as folklore

i enjoyed writing this so so so much and i had forgotten how much i liked writing these! the last few i churned out from a sense of obligation but i had a lot of fun with this one :) i hope you like it!

ni-ki as my tears ricochet

"cursing my name, wishing i stayed, look at how my tears ricochet"

i'm so sorry for this...we sure are starting with a bang because the lyric "i can go anywhere i want, just not home" physically makes me ache when i'm thinking about ni-ki 😭

1. he's literally far from home irl & 2. if you were with ni-ki...he'd feel like home & any end to the relationship would make you feel lost

overall, i just associate that type of hurt with ni-ki (yikes🤧💔)

jay as mirrorball

"i'm still on that tightrope, i'm still tryin' everything to get you laughing at me"

oh my goodness jay is such a mirrorball.

i'm not saying that he's desperate for attention or that he doesn't get any, (that's not what the song describes, anyways) but rather that he's trying. his best.

i get it if you don't understand the vision at first glance but after i gave it some thought i can see it so clearly

jungwon as seven

"we can be pirates, then you won't have to cry, or hide in the closet"

this song is so sweet & innocent in how it describes a childhood perspective of things & how simple we thought problems were then

i think that jungwon maintains a little bit of that innocent optimism even though he's older now :)

what really seals the deal for me is that he's the leader & literally solves problems for the group all the time (presumably)

i don't mean that he solves them like a child would, but the nostalgic comfort that the song brings is similar to the comfort i feel you'd get talking to jungwon 🤧

jake as august

"august slipped away into a moment in time 'cause it was never mine"

jake is wouldn't hurt you on purpose, & i think that goes without saying because he seems like such a sweetheart

but man, if you catch him at a vulnerable moment when his heart resides with someone else...he will break. your. heart.

the whole idea of not being able to call the end of a relationship what it is in your heart because you were never really together & he never really cared the way you did...CHILLS. terrifying. (my heart goes out to those who have experienced that irl, i'm so sorry).

jake fits the idea because i think he's trustworthy. like,, he could smile & you'd probably be sold (no offense)

again, at the end of the day, he didn't mean to hurt you. maybe that's what hurts most 👊

heeseung as illicit affairs

"you know damn well, for you, i would ruin myself a million little times"

i've always heard this song in two ways: a very literal sense of having a physical affair in secret && a more emotional version of it

personally, i can picture myself getting my heart broken by heeseung in both senses! might just be me though 😀

the thing is, he seems so charming & falling fast for him would be so easy that if you did, it's very possible that he wouldn't fall in the same way you did (i'm crying the song has been playing on loop for ten minutes now)

i was originally gonna give this one to jay & mirrorball to heeseung!! lmk what you think

sunoo as betty

"the only thing i wanna do is make it up to you"

sunoo would 100% be willing to serenade his apology...that being said, i do not think he's a cheater!

i feel like if he hurt you he'd want to make it up to you & apologize at the same time instead of hoping you just take the apology alone...like this man will make you feel WORTH IT

AGAIN he'd never cheat though ✋ (i think) but if he made you feel bad he's gonna fix it,, he isn't leaving you feeling like an old cardigan under someone's bed

for the record, i'm a 'betty takes james back' truther though.

sunghoon as the lakes

"i'm setting off, but not without my muse, no, not without you"

i am so passionate about preaching how this song & sunghoon are perfect for each other EEK

i love assigning songs about heartbreak to sunghoon because i just see him as a heartbreaker (whoops) but whoever he DOES end up with (if anyone) is one lucky mf

the idea of "all you need is each other" makes me melt because it's so so so romantic

it's not realistic for all couples & that's okay but i can see sunghoon wanting that kind of relationship someday :)

but beyond that he's also private & not very social (by his own description) so he just generally seems like he'd resonate with it 🥰

txt version ☆ evermore version ☆ masterlist

[miracles-and-butterflies]

Ok, so, what if all the madrigal kids were put on the "golden child" pedestal? Even Mirabel (she can have a gift or no gift, it's your choice).

Isabela = The perfect girl who can create flowers. She's agile, sweet, and beautiful. If you had a bad day she can give you a few flowers to make you feel better. She can also help with birthdays, funerals, weddings, etc.

Dolores = The girl who can hear if anyone is in trouble or just someone to spill the tea with. She can also help if any person or child is going through abuse of some kind.

Luisa = Has the strength to protect anyone in the family and just help around with heavy things. She's also just as agile and almost never smudges her clothes when she's out doing chores.

Mirabel = ?

Camilo = the perfect gentleman and sweetheart of the family. Always willing to help mothers or parents have a break. Or just willing to make you laugh or smile.

Antonio = The second sweetest boy of the family. Always willing to give a hug or help around. Especially with his new gift, he can easily speak to the animals of Encanto for anything the villagers need. (And to tell the bee's Agustin isn't a threat)

(I'm already writing an au like this, but I just wanted to see what your version of the au would be like. In my version Mirabel got the gift of creating diamonds (jewelry), crystals, and pearls. You can choose if she gets a gift or not tho)

To be honest, I wouldn’t want to do an AU too similar to that of someone else’s, if that makes sense? It isn’t that I dislike the idea though.

Anyway, here are my thoughts on this:

Having all of them be the “golden child” at once kind of renders the trope pointless. If they are all perfect, they are all equal; so there wouldn’t really be a pedestal or favouritism. In addition, having so much may also make it quite messy.

But it is a very intriguing idea to play around with what each child would be like in the role.

Isabela is already the favourite in canon. I don’t have anything to add here.

Dolores is definitely an interesting case. Her gift is one of the ones usually regarded as a curse or associated with negative connotations. Which it isn’t, it is arguably one of the more helpful gifts. Combined with her passion and intelligence, she would make a very capable golden child and definitely achieve that ideal of a perfect, young lady that we see Abuela going for with Isabela in canon.

Luisa is one of the more likely to be a golden child for me. If Abuela valued more hard work than reputation, as Luisa could easily be argued as the one who does the most to benefit the community alongside her mother. At the same time, she is also this figure of bravery and protection, which easily adds to the possible idolisation of her character to the town.

Camilo is similar to Luisa. Given his optimistic spirit and the desire to bring smiles or laughter to all, he is definitely one of the more friendly and social members of the family - it is easy to imagine him being the favourite of the town because of how his work brings him so close to their lives. He’d fall into a similar trap to Isabela, hiding his more mischievous and chaotic nature, in favour of a more gentlemen persona to please Abuela.

Mirabel is not usually handled well in AUs where she’s swapped to be the favourite. She gets wildly out of character and just becomes another Señorita Perfecta Isabela or idolised for being more vulnerable (which… why? You’d have to have the same feelings to the entire town). Mirabel is the brains of her sisters (Luisa = brawn, Isabela = beauty). There is so much potential behind a mind or logic based gift and the subsequent pressures Mirabel might face as “the most intelligent girl in town”. And I will never get why nobody takes advantage of it.

Antonio is another one to see being an easy charmer. The youngest favouritism is rather common and how could you say anything bad about a sweet, little boy who can talk to animals? I haven’t seen anyone experiment with him as the favourite before, so it would be very exciting to see what someone comes up with.

[deconstructed-paradise]

Why are you back here. Aren’t you an anesthesiologist?

I get paid double to deal with you, and there’s a skirt I’ve had my eye on for a while.

A skirt? Seriously?

It has pockets. Look, I’m not trained for… whatever you have going on, but they decided that I’m good for your mental health.

Tch. I don’t know why anyone would want to deal with me.

Is that why you’re not allowing visitors?

…I had a fight with my daughter. It’s probably best if it’s the last fight.

You’ve had fights with her before, though?

She brought her girlfriend this time.

Not a fan of that?

No! I— stop giving me that look, I’m not homophobic, her taste in girls is awful. I’ve told her not to let that girl in, and she just— ignored me.

So, that was a deal breaker for you?

…I know. I don’t deserve to set rules, my kids are growing up, whatever. I just don’t have much left to me. I thought, if I set rules and everyone could follow them, we’d be okay. She can come visit me on my good days, and if I get… snippy, with her, she can leave. But now everything’s out of balance. And I know, I know I should be better at this, I should stop being so controlling, but I can’t do it. I tried to make her leave, so that— she’s dating the bitch who gave me a black eye. That girl said to my face that she thinks I’m hopeless. Why should I feel safe around her?

You can’t just say, hey, please don’t allow this weirdly threatening child into my hospital room while I’m vulnerable? Between you and me, ma’am, that’s half of your face that’s bruised. And weirdly threatening kids aren't a joke.

I tried! She— they managed to get through the barricade anyways.

Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you not to make a barricade again. That’s a fire hazard, and a safety hazard.

I don’t have a lock on my door. I don’t have any control over who comes, and who goes. If I have to crawl on my hands and knees to shove furniture around—

Okay, okay, so this is a security hazard that makes you feel unsafe. And if you had control over who entered, if you could turn away visitors at the door, you wouldn’t do this kind of risky behavior?

Wh— I mean, no, I wouldn’t. But why would I ask for that, I’ve caused everyone enough trouble already.

You are the patient. Your job is to cause trouble. My job is to sit here and take it, until I can go home and be a hedonist.

Sounds like a shitty job.

Someone’s gotta do it. I take pride in my work, and that pays for a damn good life off the clock.

Well, I’m sure you’d rather be doing your actual job than talking to me.

My actual job entails being fingers deep in someone’s intestines because there’s a clamp shortage, actually. And there’s a chair in your room, with back support. So I’m okay with this, actually. I’m probably not good at it— there’s a reason I’m not in psych—

What do you. Think of me? Be honest.

Your ankles are consistent with someone who’s worn heels far more than is healthy, and your bone density is something you should be working on. I don’t care about anti-aging skincare, you need better bones to prepare you for the future. Two kids did a number on you.

I meant my personality.

Well, I think you’re insecure if you’re asking me. 

Tch.

Hey, I told you I wasn’t good at this.

I get it. You don’t want to be near me because I’m a hateful little cunt.

Are you kidding— you’re not kidding. That's even worse. Gods, do you know the horrid things I’ve had patients try to fling at me? Do you know the unspeakable fluids I have had to wash off my scrubs? You’re mildly bitchy at worst. I was reluctant to come here because like I said, I take pride in my work. When you were in your coma, I was the one who monitored your vitals, your brainwaves, your oxygen intake. I was good at that. Right now… I’m floundering. 

You don’t seem like it.

I’m very good at pretending when I’m on the clock. I’m serious about the bone density, though. Aging gracefully isn’t about looking young forever, it’s about preparing your body for the future.

What if I don’t think I have a future?

Then maybe you need to stop lying on your psych evals.

Oh, fuck off.

Is that it? You’re lying and pushing people away because you don’t have a lot of power right here and now, so you have to defend yourself any way you can.

You said you were no good at psychology!

I’m not. I had a shitty ex who did that, actually.

Great. I get to be the substitute for someone’s toxic ex.

You know. We’ve been getting some data for your brain scans, and it’s pretty damn close to bipolar depression. We need a little more time, but if you can get some progress, eat consistently, we’re going to see if we can’t get a psychiatrist in to put you on something for it. Mood stabilizers, maybe antidepressants. But we can’t do that if you’re so inconsistent about recovery. 

I know a bribe when I see one. Look. If it gets me back to normal, if I can… think clearly. Then fine.

We’re thinking of treating it in the same way as we would fibromyalgia. Since it’s a neurological issue that’s causing joint pain, after all. There are a couple antidepressants that are used for this, we just need to get you cleared for treatment while we wait for genetic testing to come back and tell us what the safest drugs are to try. 

And if they're not safe, if I don't cooperate, I expect I won't have a choice in the matter. I'd probably just get drugged and tied to the bed so I can't hurt myself.

We wouldn’t do that. It makes us look terrible and gets us in trouble with human rights organizations.

Seriously? That's your reasoning?

Would you believe me if I said I found it morally reprehensible?

No, no, carry on.

You're still a person. With human rights. Look, if there is a single thing I can do for you to make you more comfortable, what would it be?

I don't deserve that.

Ma'am, we are trying to work with you so that you don't do things like crawl around shoving furniture against the door. What happened to you was shitty. You were physically weak, and someone violated a boundary you'd set despite your best efforts to maintain it. And that sucks. So, I put in an application to have someone guarding your door. So please, just work with us.

...I was hoping to watch a show that isn't on the hospital network. You don't have streaming, do you? Or a DVD?

[evenmoreofadisaster]

the last chapter was my favorite in the whole fic so far! I'm very invested and very pleased to see how fleshed out this has become- I absolutely love the dynamics. I'm so intrigued to see how this story plays out, thank you for the wonderful writing!

Apologies if this has been asked before, but regarding Two not getting enough praise and feeling lesser than in comparison to One, is there a particular vulnerability that hurts more than the others? I'm assuming the list is fairly long but the ones I can think of are their names, his softshell, his tech malfunctioning, and his lost arm.

(I think this was in reference to Smart Lair, I just took a while to respond, sorry about that)

Thank you! I don't think this has been asked before actually

I think those are the main things so I'll just dig into them a bit more ehe

yeah, the names are a big one, mostly because of the ranks associated with them.

Two's tech is another important one since he thinks it's the only thing that makes him truly valuable (as an extension of his intellect). So, when One insults his tech or it malfunctions he gets defensive and takes criticism personally.

I would say the lost arm and softshell are insecurities to a lesser extent. Two's more sensitive about the experiment he conducted than the lost arm itself. That's mostly because Draxum uses it as a reason not to trust Two to work unsupervised, which justifies Two's lower rank, while One uses it to take Two's credibility away when he needs to (I feel like that's mostly for the events in the fic, though, since he's actively trying to deceive Draxum AND Two). Two personally sees the actual amputation as proof that he can not only come back from anything but come back even better than before, in this case with the enhanced prosthetic. So, it's a bit of a complicated subject for him since Draxum only sees it as a reason to distrust him. I don't really think Two would be insecure about losing an arm, since we figured Draxum would be able and willing to train him to fight without it (I can't remember if we mentioned Two more directly removing himself from training than Draxum, who just avoided him for a bit.) So it's more the accident itself and the way it changed his reputation that he's insecure about. The arm is a sensitive subject as a reminder of his personal and professional failure. I tried to sort of hint at that in this comic.

I haven't actually thought of Two's softshell being an insecurity in depth before but now that I am I'd say it's a sort of similar situation. Two, like canon Donnie, is aware that his softshell is a weak spot that his brother does not have to worry about, which is why it's a comparative disadvantage. As far as I understand, softshell carapaces aren't SUPER fragile on their own, they're just more fragile than other turtles. So Two would have the same kind of durability as a normal yokai or human child. Perhaps when he was younger he was more insecure about it because Draxum would probably warn Two and One to be careful which would just be an early example of One stepping up as the 'oldest' which Two isn't super happy about (I've talked about Two struggling with feeling respected in the household). But when he's older, probably after he lost his arm and after One's accident he ends up just erasing the weak point by giving it defensive capabilities. I wouldn't be surprised if he installed them after giving himself the arm as if to overcompensate for losing the arm in the first place. Like, in stead of just fixing his mistake so he's as he was before, he's showing he'll make himself even better, both by adding enhanced systems and tools to his prosthetic and by giving himself the spines. But i'm not 100% sure so that may change lol. But anyway, the shell is a vulnerability by being something people can use to prove that One is better than Two, and by being a literal weak spot as a turtle. Two installs the spines in his shell so that his enemies can't take advantage of his soft shell, and so that he has a way to make himself equal to and even surpass the tactile advantage that One gets from his shell. "Take that, mother nature" --Two, probably.

Aside from those, another vulnerability would be Two's temperament. He's got a lot of anger and aggression that he doesn't have much control over, which can make him a liability for One and Draxum, and thus makes him anxious because the more emotional he gets the more of a problem he is. It's just another reason Draxum can't fully trust Two, and he knows it. Two's unpredictable, temperamental, and pretty uncontrollable when he wants to be. I love these qualities because it really shows how passionate Two is, and is a good tell for when Two is really hurting or adamant about something, but One and Draxum will shut Two up by telling him he's forgetting himself or being overemotional, and it's one of the things that Two is not proud of so it usually works. Two tries to remain unaffected and composed and usually succeeds except when it comes to his anger, which is usually born from anxiety or hurt.

That one ties into the vulnerability that hurts the most, which is the notion that Two is a "loose cannon," as One puts it in Smart Lair. It's what ties back to most of the stuff that is on this list and is a big topic in Mind Meld and Smart Lair. In Mind Meld, Two snaps at Splinter when he calls his experiments crazy ("'I am not crazy!'"). He gets worked up when One messes with his technology because, of course, it's his job and he takes it very seriously, but it's also because every haywire experiment is just another docked point against his credibility, and the same goes for his emotional outbursts. He got the label when he did the experiments that got himself and One hurt, and being a high profile criminal in the Hidden City just proves the point and further threatens Draxum's mission. Draxum doesn't trust Two because he is afraid of what he's capable of, but instead of respecting Two's commitment he calls his unpredictable behavior a flaw that keeps him in the second rank. Two's furious because his ambition and passion are labelled as unpredictable and erratic, and that leaves Two constantly trying to fight against behavior that he believes makes him an invaluable asset to Draxum. So that's why Two fluctuates between following orders without question and working on really dangerous projects on his own

Great ask! thank you! I hope this all makes sense :)

[princess-of-the-corner]

Gosh I had a 'fun' thought on the "Butterfly can do the Peacock" thing.

So Butterfly made (Sentimonsters) Familiars, work mostly like regular Sentimonsters are described, save maybe more ethereal looking.

IE, Akumatize item, transmit butterfly magic into subject, transmit emotion out, transform said emotion.

Said emotion however needs constant emotional fuel from its source point. Hence being a Familiar, it is directly connected to the target through the item, & so won't harm what they are an extension of.

They can still be dangerous & go rogue as Feast did. If they exist long enough they eventually stabilize & become their own entity. This bad as they don't need the item, butterfly, or external emotion source.

Meaning they tend to run wild as one would expect of a creature defined largely by simplistic and intense emotional drives and needs with no other instincts, plus magical powers.

Feast still happened as Fu was either that good at manifesting a Familiar, or kept Feast as a secret pet until it turned ravenous.

This process however takes a long time and can be quite fraught.

Making a Butterfly child is worse.

The reason being, Emilie had to transmit every emotion at once, drawing on far, far more of them and then violently cut them off.

Followed up with her trying to incept an independent, human life & not a magical companion, she drew more of the butterflies power at once than any user should.

Add in that she then placed said being inside her to grow and she was being directly exposed to unfiltered & unstable (Because emotions) magical energy.

Suffice to say it was obscenely dangerous and a bad idea to do it once, let alone if she also made Felix or other Butterfly children.

This could also be what nearly kills Nathalie, namely her making a believable Senti-Bug requires her to rip far more from herself all at once than is good for the mind or body. Then draw on far more of the Miraculous's power while still in a vulnerable state to fully manifest her as a physical being. Which also made her more independent.

So yeah, doing all that at once was a bad idea, because unlike say, becoming a permanent Akuma (Imago) this isn't just welcoming a magical transformation of the self via magic. Its literally ripping away one's own essence to make a new and entirely separate thing.

If someone wants a permanent Familiar they should let it grow over a long period of time, & ensure the emotions are stable. IE, Fu did not realize how much he resented the order, or how much his starvation trauma influenced Feast's growth even if it did get other emotions.

These rules apply to doing it to one's self or others.

Though generally there's enough raw survival instinct in a person, Akuma, or even partially manifested Familiar to destroy the item if Hawk Moth tried to force it.

Plus he'd still be exhausted after & given the emotions fueling it would be negative and manic, the resulting creature wouldn't be useful to him anyway.

Final thought:

I imagine the Familiar design serve as sort of mirrors of their source, or more like windows into their head-space and specific emotions. Meaning they tend to be a little abstract but also a bit more like primal representations of the subjects identity & emotions.

With Akuma, they tend to be more specific and exaggerated, continuing that reflection theme. But overall major changes in overall design, or powers, likely rely on the person's identity changing heavily & radically different needs.

Hence why Gabriel always gets a Moth with the same abilities regardless of the emotion he's using. As well as why even if Fu made another critter it would have looked like Feast & shared his ingrained starvation trauma & turned out the same. A modern Fu would have something different.

Oh that's fascinating.