#anyway the point is this is a silly situation
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Guess who watched X-Men origins again
OK SO I got THOUGHTS of this movie but specially Wade's fight style because it's really similar to our current Deadpool's fighting style... so yeah I wanna yap about that hi
WELL FIRST OF wanna talk a lil about Victor, Logan and Wade's different styles... from a mortal's view point I am no expert on this just insane about these movies and I need to write my thoughts or i'll explode
Starting with Victor!! the ultimate kittycat girlypop
I love his kitty self I'm sorry ANYWAY EXAMPLES
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OKAY SO VICTOR. Victor's style is obviously very animalistic but also stylized, he makes the fight a show for himself! He likes to hunt and he tries to always give chase or play around a bit before the kill, just like a cat playing with his food!
AND IF you pay attention to the start of the movie, this game he's got with his target isn't initially how he fought, he kinda developed it as the years went by and the eviler he got the more he played with his food. The first few wars he goes to he's fighting like a human soldier, then you can see him slip up some animal jumps and uses his claws more until at the end he's full on predator chasing his prey (just like when he captures Scott, my god I love that scene he's terryfing)
AND A BIG DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HIM AND LOGAN (that I will also talk about later I guess) is that with this play thing Victor has going on it SHOWS that he THINKS about the stragety when fighting, he's aware of his surroundings and his target's strenghs and weaknesses, he's good at coming up with solutions on the spot (see his fight with John, he can predict where he's going to teleport and catch him) and how to give a good chase without losing WHILE LOGAN WELL, at least in this movie he seems very lost when fighting?? he mostly just launches at his target and attacks, if the target runs away he chases, very animalistic but in a feral-based on instincts way... prolly why he coulnt win agaisnt Victor at first, because he was being blinded by his rage while Victor was quite literally playing with him lmao
ANYWAY LOGAN our favorite traumatized babygirl
and boy does he suffer in this one aughh EXAMPLES
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Now you must be wondering why did I put the bathroom scene, well I feel like it represents Logan's general situation pretty well! (and its silly let me be), hes confused destroying everything and just keeps making it worse every time he tries to fix it.
The thing about Logan in this movie is that he's honestly just- confused and angry from the moment he killed his father, he runs away over and over again from EVERYTHING and he's constantly being manipulated BY EVERYONE!! Poor man has no idea what to do with himself of who he can actually trust but damn he tries, his enviroment is contantly changing and he's trying his best to adapt but he does it in a messy way.
The way he fights and acts in general is animalistic, yes, but more of the "scared dog attacks" kind of way, he's always acting on his instinct that it's mostly led by anger. When he fights he just throws himself and tries to slash whatever he can, he runs he hides and then when he gets the chance to he attacks again.
He constantly has little to no control of the situtation WHICH IS SPECIALLY SEEN pre-adamantium where he keeps losing to Victor because unlike him- he has no plan, he's being manipulated and kept blind of everything ON PURPOUSE which obviouly puts him in a disadvantage so yeah.
AFTER he gets the adamantium you can see his skills strengen with his knowledge, the more he lears about his situation the more focused he is and his fighting it's cleaner, he still moslty just launches himself head first into fights BUT he's not running away, he's able to evaluate his situation and adapt (See his fight with Gambit, he looks at him when running away and then destroys the stair so Gambit can't run away OR with Deadpool where he decides to gain height as a way to create the space needed to evaluate his enemy?? that one might be a lil bit of a stretch tho)
WADE WILSON THE ULTIMATE CUTIE PRINCESS
let's ignore how dirty they did him ok...
OKAY SO SADLY- The bullet scene is pretty much the only scene where we see him fight and it's honestly not enough to tell how his normal style is BUT I WILL SAY his general style is fancy to look at and scarily effective (which is mostly seen with our current Wade but you can see a bit in origins deadpool) he makes a show for everyone to see, which is also his stragedy to make himself even better at combat! He uses a lot of fancy movements and acrobatics that help him AND takes his enemies off-guard, confusing them as where they should attack or what he's going to hit?? anyway-
Comparison time yippieee THIS IS WHAT THIS POST IS SUPPOSED TO BE ABOUT LMAO
I did not get side tracked idk what you mean.... and now seeing it over and over I'm realizing not that noticeable.... so it's just not that much to talk about oops
LOOK AT THIS WADE, LOOK AT THE MOVEMENTS HE DOES WITH HIS LEGS!! HIS HANDS??? THIS MAN IS SHOWING OFF he's using all kinds of acrobatics and fancy movements while fighting, he attacks with his hands and dodges using mostly his legs, he's using all he has!! and it's making Logan lose BECAUSE LOGAN CAN'T FOCUS!! specially since he's so "target locked will attack", Wade makes it SO HARD for him to focus on a pose long enough to actually stab him also Logan ain't too good at dodging, I'm guessing it could be because he heals? dunno
now what inmediately came to my mind upon rewatch was THIS scene (maybe because I saw it recently who knows)
THE SETTING IS SO SIMILAR!! Wade is using a lot of fancy movements to get up, dodge and attack all way too fast for Logan to process, once again Logan is looking everywhere confused about where to aim bc this silly red guy it's dancing on his face and he's struggling to keep up JUST LIKE IN ORIGINS except well he IS able to get a hit bahah
Dodges like crazy, jumps over Logan (he did in origins too) just moves a lot between every attack
Actually now that I think about it Wade feels a bit less effective in the car, like yes sure he's putting up a good fight but Logan still feels like he's leading it BECAUSE WADE IS MORE EFFECTIVE WHEN HE HAS MORE SPACE!! he likes to be able to move around and do gimnastics while Logan it's a lot better the closer he gets to his target so omg yeah... ALSO LIKE WADE STILL TRIES TO MOVE AROUND he shoves Logan away from him, he gets out of the car choking logan with a seatbelt and gets to the back, he tries to create space because that's where his speciality WHILE LOGAN keeps trying to get closer to have him in his power, which he gets to do since the car isn't allowing Wade to move as freely as he would want to...
AND YOU CAN SEE HIS FANCY MOVEMENTS WITH FRANCIS TOO he's constantly circuling him, dodging and spinning while Francis is just trying to get a hit, Wade keeps his enemies chasing him when he fight THAT'S the way he controls it and gets it wherever he wants aughh
ANYWAY YEAH I think that's it, don't really know how much sense any of this does since I've been writing it on-and off the whole day lmao it's so messy but yeah feel free to add onto it I'd love to see opinions on this wahoo
Might keep talking about stuff I find interesting in the movies bahah this has been funn
#deadpool and wolverine#wade wilson#logan howlett#deadpool 3#deadpool#xmen origins#james logan howlett#origins deadpool#x men origins wolverine#Youtube
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wyrm thinking about jordana do you want to talk about your thoughts 👂
ok it was 2am so i saw this ask, thought to myself damn id be incomprehensible, and went to sleep to get up in time for my 9am lecture. BUT!!! yes i would like to share my thoughts.
first of all, ive been rotating lightning master au in my head a Lot. like tumblr doesnt even know a fifth of what ive got going on there. so ill share a little bit keep the general public updated nod nod (though im always happy to elaborate). jordana is so ignorant to non-imperium cultures and thats really fun to explore because it means that she knows little about elemental powers and even less about the significance of lightning in particular. at first jordana assumes that it was one of the new elements created by the merged (because, well, lightning sounds like a bit of a niche) and has no clue about the 'finding a new host' thing.
He was likely the holder of a new element created by the Merge, as so many now were. And just as quickly as the Merge had created it, Ras had destroyed it.
not to mention, almost every realm outside of imperium learnt the significance of the ninja in the aftermath of the merge, with them being such an important part of ninjago's culture. even as the rest of imperium became more open and started interacting with other cultures, jordana went with ras, continuing her isolation and only ever learning of the wyldness.
all this is to say that she is woefully unprepared for the reaction people would have towards her element.
“The most shocking competitor of the tournament!” A burst of amusement at the pun, courtesy of Jay. “Jordana - master of Lightning!”
For a brief second Jordana enjoyed the shocked look that washed over the ninja, but as the expressions of shock turned to dread, her smug smile twisted into an uneasy frown.
The arena and stands had fallen into eerie silence. Jordana felt like she was missing out on the punchline of a joke, a common feeling having grown up isolated in Imperium’s culture and more recently finding herself surrounded by citizens of the Merged Realms, all of which had learnt from and shared with and found understanding in one another.
There was common knowledge underlying the dread, she knew. She just didn’t know what it was until one of the ninja - the master of Earth - stepped forwards.
“Your element is… lightning?”
Her hand found its way to her chest, rubbing above where her heart would be. “What does that matter?” She said, not dismissively but with fear creeping into her voice.
the tournament is an awful place to realise the significance of your situation. surrounded by friends of the ninja and a city of people who know far more about elemental powers than jordana, who has held the element of lightning for maybe a month at this point. all of whom know what it means for jordana to be the master of lightning, far more than she herself does. to jordana, every ounce that someone cares about jay is an ounce less that they care about her. the silence as an entire city of people understands and processes and starts to mourn the death of jay is the backing track to when peoples perception of jordana changes from a kid participating in a competition to an enemy. effectively through her introduction she has made a far greater enemy of herself than she has ever been considered before
so silly that jays attempt to give jordana protection (by passing on his element to her, hoping that it would defend her against ras) instead leads to her persecution at the hands of the ninja and allies
anyway. breaking out of lightning master au, lets trans jordanas gender. i think this would save her. i really do.
oh fuck i have another lecture uh. more thoughts later
#wyrm rambles#ninjago#lego ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#ninjago jordana#jordana ninjago#jordana lightning master au
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chapter 7 of my @ladrienjune fic is up now!!
you can read it here
see y’all tomorrow!!<3
#ladrien#ladrien june#ladrien june 2023#miraculous ladybug#ml#miraculous ladybug fic#im writing the draft for this post now and i have a feeling im going to be posting it in the middle of a concert😀#i have to drive two hours to get there and there’s apparently a huge line ALREADY (there was a line starting at 2PM .)#(THIS IS A POP PUNK BAND . PLEASE GOD TAKE ME BACK TO 15 BUCK BAR CONCERTS)#anyway the point is this is a silly situation#edit: it’s not during the concert but i am waiting in line to get in#also: my feeling FUCKING HUUUUUUUUUURT WHY DID I CHOOSE TO WEAR THE NEW SEXY SHOES OH MY GOD BLISTERS ARE FORMING ALREADY
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I do think Blazing Saddles handled its one depiction of native americans very poorly, and the full extent of its representation of chinese workers on the railroad is they were literally just there. not even one single speaking line. unclear if this is worse or better than the redface.
it's fucking phenomenal at lampooning antiblack racism though. extremely blatant, extremely funny satire, which is constantly and loudly saying "racism is the philosophy of the terminally stupid at best and morally depraved at worst, and we should all be pointing and laughing at them 24/7"
plus the main character is a heroic black man who has to navigate a whole lot of bullshit but is constantly smirking at the extraordinarily stupid racists and inviting the audience into the joke. the one heroic white character is a guy who was suicidally depressed until he met the protagonist and they just instantly became buds, and he's firmly in a supporting role the whole time and happy to be there. the protagonist saves the day with the help of his black friends from the railroad, and uses the position of power he was given to uplift not only those friends, but all the railroad workers of other minorities too, in an explicit show of solidarity.
anyone saying "Blazing Saddles is racist" had better be talking about its treatment of non-black minorities. it had better not be such superficial takes as "oh but they say the n-word all the time" or "they have nazis and the kkk in there!" because goddamn if that's the full extent of your critique I very seriously suggest you read up on media analysis. there is too much going over your head, you need to learn to recognize satire.
#blazing saddles#finx watches tv#finx rambles#I recognize that I'm saying all this as someone who's not black#but I am also saying it as someone with a basic understanding of race relations in the usa#and a basic understanding of sarcasm#bc it really does not take more than that to recognize what they're doing in this movie#it is NOT subtle#and it is very funny#mel brooks movies are kinda hit or miss for me ngl#men in tights is great if a bit too crass for my taste#spaceballs has great jokes but the central story lacks any real heart so it doesn't grab me#history of the world was just kind of unpleasant and then I switched it off#but blazing saddles? phenomenal#I could not stop laughing the whole way through#and the central story DOES have heart bc it's the friendship between bart and#whassisname#jim#the Kid#plus bart working out how to succeed at an impossible task#also frankly cleavon little just grounds the comedy really well even before gene wilder shows up and we get their chemistry#bc he's cool calm collected and constantly inviting the audience into the joke#but the character's not too cool to ever mess up or ever be silly#he makes bad choices and gets into bad situations and then has to get himself out of them#but it's.....oh wait duh there's a term for this already#he's the straight man#he grounds all the zany nonsense by being in strong contrast to it#and he does a great job of it!#anyway#point is I deeply enjoyed this movie and I'm glad I finally watched it
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brain will not let me sleep until I say
same age padawans au where they’ve been in a weird wired frenemies thing for ages but now that they’re both mature adults (all of 24/25 years old) they’re more friends than enemies….
And it’s Obi-Wan that Anakin tells when he’s decided he’s going to leave the Order, not anyone else. He has a wife. There was a pregnancy scare a few weeks ago and it made her want their relationship to stop being a secret so they could really have kids. He has to leave the Order. Doesn’t Obi-Wan understand?
Obi-Wan, who has been a little in love with Anakin since they were younglings, does not understand. Not one bit. Instead of wishing him well and helping him pack, he goes to the Council and requests a mission in the Outer Rim….perhaps a month long or more…perhaps undercover? No contact with anyone on Coruscant. And maybe they could assign Anakin Skywalker as his back up? He can help with the undercover aspect.
And at first, Anakin is pissed because he was planning to resign from the Order in the next few days, but Obi-Wan convinces him to go on this mission with him….one last mission as a Jedi. To say goodbye to the Jedi life.
Obviously, Obi-Wan sort of wants to go on one last mission with Anakin because in his dreams, he wants the mission to go so perfectly that Anakin stays with him the Order. But realistically, he mostly wants to go on this mission to say goodbye to Anakin and then let him go, soaking up all his warmth and light, memorizing every casual touch bestowed on him because he knows they’re ticking down to the last handful of seconds together.
But then obviously the mission works TOO well and Anakin falls in love with Obi-Wan but doesn’t admit to it even to himself before they’re on the ship about to head back to Coruscant and Anakin realizes he doesn’t want to leave this planet because he doesn’t want to leave Obi-Wan if it could always be like this so he crashes the ship during take off so they can stay longer because he’s 24 and doesn’t know how to handle the immensity of his love except through destruction
#Kit’s silly lil AUs#obikin#I couldn’t finish the Democratic fic part today writing was so hard :(#I offer this instead <3#hopefully will get it up tomorrow#but anyway: no physical cheating but probably emotional infidelity as anakin falls in love with obi-wan but doesn’t notice#and a lot of pining but being brave about it obi-wan which could also turn into finding his rebound in the outer rim obiwan#which would then turn into seethingly jealous anakin#+ bonus points is that their cover is theyre newly weds#and obi-wan is like <3 you can touch me mister we have an open marriage <3#and this poor guy at the bar is being stared down by a vicious anakin and he’s like uh does your husband knkw that ????#but yeah here for pretty newly knighted obi-wan creating a situation where he gets to feel anakin touch him and kiss him on the cheek#and hold his hand and call him pet names#all the while being convinced that this is all he will ever get so he has to be satisfied with this#that the yearning will stop and he will find comfort in the memory of anakin’s arm around his shoulders once he’s left the order and obiwan#to be with his wife#also obi-wan gets wasted one night and someone asks how they met or when they fell in love#and obi-wan accidentally tells the drunken truth#not the cover story#and it makes anakin go 👀🧐#but then he gets too drunk and forgets it
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will when he told the police that el hitting angela with a roller skate was an accident and also when he defended her and max spying on them last summer
#and some of y'all wanna call him a misogynist smh.... he supports women's rights AND their wrongs!!!#will byers#willel#willelmax#stranger things#mine#this is a silly goofy post im not making a judgment on the angela situation jus saying tht he's a ride or die for his girlies#and even tho he was mad as fuck over el lying to mike he still kept quiet until shit escalated to the point tht he couldn't anymore#for her sake. anyway. silly goofy post. don't vague me abt it pls lord it's a Joak -_-
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He said "Fuck this shit, I'm out" I'm crying. Toriyama's Vegeta was so top shelf 🤌
(From Neko Majin Z Chapter 5!)
#dbtag#Idk why Toei didn't lean into Vegeta being a version of Piccolo you could put in funnier situations like Toriyama wrote#He's reserved and professional and proud but JUST immature enough to bite down on a gag that Piccolo would readily swerve#But they take a lot of Goku's chaotic comedy away too in favor of Hero(tm) writing and that is why I keep pulling my hair out aklsjdlas#Toriyama was sO funny and it bums me out so much that the anime derailed how lighthearted and straight up silly the humor is#and replaced it with Misogyny Is Funny and humiliation kinks asjklfhadjk and it's not just my complaints about Vegeta and Bulma!!#“Goku is running away from his very reasonable wife because he is a goofy little guy who doesn't want to do his chores” becomes#“Chichi is Cruel to Goku who is Trying to be a good husband because she doesn't relate to his passions and vilifies him for having them"#which is not their dynamic at all but dudes in the writing room are like “being married is fucking awful amirite fellas hahaha”#but Toriyama was like “Being married is not for everybody but it can be really great if you and your partner are on the same page”#Chichi's reasonable! And Goku isn't romantically wired but Goku can enthusiastically consent to sex and still not enjoy kissing#those things can be and are true for a lot of people! And it makes even more sense if you hc Goku to be aspec (and audhd coded) like I do#Kissing can feel gross and can be a sensory overload for many folks. Doesn't mean they're stupid or innocent.#(although Goku CAN still ride nimbus so idk what Pure entails in this universe askljad)#Like I am the FIRST person to joke and drag Goku about his marriage as an aspec myself but like legit Goten is a Last Night On Earth baby#He knows what sex is. But also between how socially removed Goku is and how Shy and Conservative Chichi it's not out of line#to assume the actual words sex and kiss have never been spoken in that house skljdlajdf I FULLY believe Chichi uses code words#Chichi thinks her son being blonde makes him a delinquent and still uses honorifics with Goku like it is fully reasonable to assume#that the joke of Goku's naivetè centers around the fact that his wife is too embarrassed to talk about Certain Matters in a normal way#While Bulma and Vegeta are slutty hedonistic cityfolk who need jesus (according to chichi probably...and me but I support them)#anyway. point is. Toriyama was funny as hell and Nekomajin is absolutely ridiculous and goofy and has a fully amoral main character#which just reminded me that toei is allergic to letting goku be a gremlin and so vegeta's not allowed to be a gremlin wrangler#even though that's been his job since the day he met raditz alksdjaskljd
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if I made a dumb little coffee shop au of my own and had stanley throw a drink at the narrator, would that be too much or am I allowed to go wild with it. serious questions here. so serious
#delete later#/SILLY#nah but fr would that be unrealistic to do?#it’s in character for certain like I want to make stanley do it and I think he would#but I know you can’t exactly. do that to customers lmao#so would it be too much to have him do that at some point?#like example situation. the narrator is pulling some bullshit and Stanley gets fed up#and he throws (splashes?) the drink on him (cold drink don’t worry) to get him to shut up#would that be cool okay to do. I guess my fear with this decision is that Stanley would just immediately get fired lmao#which I don’t want to happen lol#i figured maybe it would be alright if he had reason to? like if he was trying to diffuse a situation#sorry I know coffee shop aus are cheesy as hell but I rlly love the idea of an enemies coffee shop#no lovers. just enemies. frenemies maybe? sure lol#anyway I just think the idea of coffee shop au where they both fucking despise each other is very funny and fitting for them lol
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pulps law is that whenever i get insane enough about something, i will inevitably attempt to make a persona 5 au, regardless of whether or not i am successful at it.
#pulp speaks#anyways guys youre never going to guess what au ive been thinking of lately .#i know the correct way to go about this is make sidestep the main character but you see#i will not be doing that. and actually in fact i will not be following the storyline of persona 5 in the slightest. because lol#but morgana exists in this au purely because i dont think the others would survive without him explaining what the metaverse is 💀#the rangers are a team of detective for the public sector in this au#and dr mortum is an unassuming everyday scientist that should not peak the rangers interest in any way. at all#in the video game that exists in my head the player can pick between playing julia or ricardo#it doesnt change the storyline that much but it does make the character relationships funky so#in my head chen is best friends with julia and argent is best friends with ricardo#chen and ortega stumble into the metaverse together so if you pick julia its two best friends in a life or death situation#but if you pick ricardo its your sisters best friend+kinda your boss in a life or death situation which personally i find extremely funny#regardless of which ortega you play with the other one doesnt know about the metaverse until id say like. the end of the first palace? beca#use thats when they start getting suspicious#and because this is ortega they follow them and find out about the metaverse that way#i dont think they become a phantom thief but i think they do end up covering the others asses irl#dr mortum still isnt actually a doctor but i think theyre the one providing medicine to them at the start of the game#theyre extremely wary of the rangers at the start and ortega can barely convince them to sell them things which they still charge-#-extremely high over. i think the turning point comes when they discover the metaverse because holy fuck they are So excited about it#both because of the implications and what the metaverse could be used For#chen is not thrilled about letting them know this but theyre kind of their supplier so its not like he can argue#i think mortum joins the phantom thieves eventually but as a navi#obviously its in their best interest to provide everything for free now that theyre part of the team but they still have to order supplies-#-so i think the way it works out in game is that theres certain days supplies can be ordered and you have to pay for it but the items can b#-picked up at any day of the week#but also i have no idea how that would work practically (its all in my head anyway so it doesnt actually matter but yk)#theres still more thoughts about this but im ✨running out of tags✨ and also i cannot organize my thoughts enough to explain it#im not main tagging this its going to be my silly self indulgent au for eternity ok
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You step into the main cabin and your captain and his first lieutenant are sitting like this wyd 👀
#EXTREMELY non-canonical situation hornblower would never ever let himself be seen being human#but also i think he deserves to sit in bush's lap and look pretty so take that forester#they should get a room and also they should get married <3#there's no way that this is at any point when bush is a lieutenant but whatever#the uniforms are also wrong bc *stephen maturin voice* who cares about your silly little naval hierarchies#(aka i still haven't found good reference pictures. but also i can't be bothered to care about uniforms anyways)#hornblower#scribblings & such#perce rambles
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I think the writing is gentle, often funny, and sustained (overall) but it’s the acting and the chemistry that takes it to the next level.
#crash landing on you#which is often the way I find with my favorite love stories#in movies/tv shows#like reylo. comes down to the acting. especially Adam’s (though Daisy is wonderful too)#because you can actually tell a love story through facial expressions/shift in voices/body language#all of those can and do communicate love and personality. interplay and the necessary balance that makes for a great love story#and man they are soooo good. especially her (I mean especially both of them)#but she sets such a high standard. and the way her face flickers between so many different shades of feeling#and not just feeling but personality#instant layers to who she is. and he responds to them all. and you know WHY he does#you know why he’s completely in her chokehold#he’s completely caught by her personality. and she is caught by the ways in which he takes care of her/expresses his love through action#(which is ultimately his personality too)#but in the way of many of my favorite love stories she just has to exist and he has to—-wants to!—do the work#they’re also silly and cute and in Situations where they can Display Behaviors (positive)#but like. it comes down to the quality of the acting creating 3-dimensional people and real love at the same time#I am now wandering from the point#and rambling. but man!#anyway I’m going to go back to bed now
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Page 38
Start of Episode | Previous Page | Next Page
#wolf 359 comic#renée minkowski#doug eiffel#alexander hilbert#episode 1: succulent rat killing tar#I asked a friend if it would be funnier if Hilbert was completely unaware of the fire#or funnier if he was actively fighting the fire and lying blatantly to his coworkers#and they pointed out that Hilbert absolutely does not want to look like as much of a Hot Mess as he actually is#and that lying blatantly to his coworkers about the very real situation he's in is 100% in character#anyway I was 50/50 on what would be funnier myself but this gave me the opportunity for more silly Hilbert faces so I chose this path#there's your once-in-a-blue-moon editorial commentary#back to silence for me
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reconnecting with a certain somewhat estranged family member next month......i am ready to let her back in but i have a singular prerequisite which may likely go unmet and i still cannot figure out why. She is self-identified as "androgynous", a dedicated Quaker in a lesbian relationship, and a (supposed) outspoken ally to the transgender......and after four years of arguing still refers to me as her grandson but now ONLY behind my back. Supposedly due to the ungrammatical nature of the singular they 🤔 for which she recommended I use "xe" as a replacement..... 🤔 this bizarre situation. I'm trying to figure out if she's just a narcissist (due to more than just this circumstance) but she keeps surprising me with kind and rational responses every time I'm ready to cut her off....which maybe is part of the plan.
#meanwhile G's grandmother (also early 80s but lived the straightest Catholic life imaginable) has had no issue 🤷#Hey my name is ellory my pronouns are sie/hir cause my grandma asked me to um..use those ones...so yeah#she also brags about having a transgender grandchild for Quaker Points and has decided that I go by Ell (never said that)#ANYWAY LOLLL WHAT A SILLY SITUATION
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i need to stop forgetting things exist the fucking second they leave my field of vision. why is is impossible for two things to occupy my mind at once especially when im tired. like. i feel like a sim. i feel like actions are being canceled and i just. move on. and completely forget what i was doing moments before. i fucking hate it
#i feel like it’s getting worse too#like its always hasn’t been great but the past few weeks have been especially bad#why can’t i remember things!! why is my short term memory sucking ass!!!!!!#like if i don’t write/type things down i loose it#making me wanna rip my hair out what the fuck is going on!!!!!#gonna start playing those phone games that improve memory or whatever#it’s either that or going to my mom for an essential oil recommendation#i know it’s probably some undiagnosed shit but im also like. i can’t keep blaming whatever is wrong with my brain because its a problem with#/me/. ya know?? like. yeah it is something with my brain. obviously. but i need to take some sort of action to fix it. and i dont know what#that action is#besides the two options i said before#or carrying a fucking notebook around and writing down everything. which is stupid also and i know won’t last a week#problem is im gonna forget about any rule i come up with since as soon as im preoccupied with something else. i’ll forget the rule#i would need a hat with the reminder on paper tapped to the hat#so it’s always dangling in front of my eyes#i don’t know what else to do at this point!!!!#it’s making me so worried about going away for college. cause yeah i did really well at community. but if i have the deteriorating memory#of a goldfish who’s constantly banging its head against the glass. how am i gonna make it through university.#i love writing essays in the tags that no one will read <3#having a ball rn. a great time. not feeling like a waste of resources at all rn. feeling great.#if my mom doesn’t let me wear my earbuds tomorrow i think ill scream#anyways. gonna bake some blueberry lemon sweet rolls tomorrow#me rambling#i love being undiagnosed#but let’s be real#being diagnosed won’t give me anything other than more of an excuse#because i can’t go on meds with my current living situation#and i also don’t really want to go on meds because i don’t trust them#feeling silly i think ill actually post this one maybe someone has a suggestion for what to do#vent
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ignore this.
learning to shut up when i dont have anything new to say to the discussions my mutuals are having about the treatment of the female characters in this show and fandom
even though ive just gone ahead and rambled in the tags a bunch of bullshit
#lohst.txt#they're all so right#because this fandom has had problems since the beginning#its always about the boys#the fics and the art and everything#and the fact that a large portion of this fandom is obsessed with the squip. the ACTUAL villain. yet would wish a 16 year old girl death#yeah. chloe did some fucked up things. yeah. dywh is an awful situation that was not handled well#(because this show has awful writing. you guys have been saying that already and youre right)#but come on. y'all act like the other characters did nothing wrong#if the writers would have cared to put actual depth into these characters#i havent listened to the source material in. a while. and i never got around to watching any other boot other than two rivers#i dont know what im saying#it was so easy to join bmc rp servers because no one ever picked the girls#did that mean i was left out of the rps? mostly. yeah#i mean. those servers always had the same rich and jake so we'd team up#but the jeremy and michael would barely give room for anyone else to interact with them#i used to have some discussions with someone about the flaws of this show and how the girls are constantly ignored#(back when i had sort of dipped out of the fandom)#anyway im never one to get involved in discourse directly#i support my mutuals and reblog art and post my silly little fics#mostly because im always too tired to put a lot of thought into any in depth analysis#(even though i have alot of thoughts on chloe and fairytales. which has nothing to do with this whatsoever)#everyone else has said it so much better than what i can currently come up with rn#but the way that the girls get watered down to one personality trait (this includes madeline). and are always used as background characters#the way there was so much christine hate at one point because she got inn the way of boyf riends#i looked chloe up on pinterest the other day out of curiosity#and there was so much hate#everyone likes christine and brooke#theyre the nice girls#the ones that get watered down to innocent and naïve and the mum friend of the group
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idly wondering with what experts would diagnose me if I was 100% truthful and could remember every single thing that happened to me and every single quirk I developed because of it <3
#like esp. at the start my mother would sit in on all my therapy sessions#and i didn't yet grasp what therapy was for at age 11 so i just talked about my day#and showed the nice lady my latest drawings orz#all that got me was a 'oh that kid is just shy and a little scared going to school just force him to go it'll be fine <3'#never said anything about the nefarious bullying or the things going on at home#because at that point i was so naive i thought it was NORMAL#and other therapists later on only ever focused on my weight and how sloppy i dressed. never addressing all my other issues so i gave up#never talked about all the other stuff for a while.#also that ONE situation i can barely remember but that fucked me up the most i think back in kindergarten... never told anyone about it#except a friend last year. wondering what therapists would say about that if i ever opened up about that to them#after a bit of thought it'd also explain my aversion to being touched/examined by doctors in that area. great.#ANYWAY just wondering <333#also all the 'negative' feelings i immediately throw in the repression bin. like jealousy frustration anger annoyance entitlement etc#been told one too many times that these things are ugly and shouldn't be displayed. should stop acting like a spoiled brat#never learned how to handle any of that <333#recently have taken to being overly analytical about it all. trying to find what triggers these emotions and then rationalising them away <3#they do still fester deep in my soul tho <333#good thing i'm so good at repression that i forget about it all eventually until something makes me remember and then i suffer#but then i repress again and i can live in blissful ignorance again <333333#wish i could be a dumb silly billy more often and not think about things too much like i usually do haha#maybe that's why i'm so drawn to and fadcinated by the bimbocore subculture/movement...... 🤔#anyway anyway just thinking haha
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