#anyway the next month and a half is gonna be the existential version of the boat ride to hell from willy wonka

[medinaquirin]

Listen, I know - I know - that the entire idea of women essentially having a shelf life is some jacked up misogynistic bullshit designed to sell face creams and get women to get married and pump out babies as early as possible.

It's bullshit, and I am fully aware of this.

That being said, teetering on the cusp of 40 with no partner and no career and no degree of higher education and basically twisting in the wind with nothing to show for those 40 years besides quite a lot of mental health issues...feels rather bad.

[elisaphoenix13]

(AT) To Bring Them Home

A more in depth version of Remembering The Departed (but with Harley and Cassie added so other fics fit).

"Hey Mama Bear. If you find this recording, don't post it on social media. It's gonna be a real tear jerker." Tony sighs heavily and leans back against the wall of the ship. " It's not like you're ever going to see these anyway. I watched you fade to nothing in front of me after all. You and Peter. I guess I'm recording these for my own sanity. It helps to pretend you're getting these messages. Totally lame right?"

The engineer clears his parched throat. He was desperate for anything to moisten his mouth at this point.

"Today's day twenty-one? No. Twenty-two. You know if it wasn't for the existential terror of staring into the literal void of space, I'd say I'm feeling a little better today. The infection has run its course thanks to the blue meanie back there." He weakly motions to Nebula somewhere in the vicinity behind him. "Oh you'd love her. Very practical. Only a tiny bit sadistic."

Stephen probably would like the cyborg. He may have been cautious of her at first, but if she treated the kids well, the sorcerer would have immediately warmed up  to Nebula. The poor woman just needed a friend.

"So the fuel cells were cracked during battle and we figured out a way to reverse the ion charge by ourselves and bought 48 hours of flight time. But it's now dead in the water a thousand light years from the nearest 7-11. Oxygen will run out tomorrow morning, and that'll be it." Tony rubs his eyes. "It looks like...well you know what it looks like. Don't feel bad about this. I mean actually if you grovel for a couple weeks and then move on with enormous guilt..." He trails off as he fights off the impending lure of sleep.

"I should probably lie down for a minute. Rest my eyes. If by some miracle I make it back home, the first thing I'm going to do is look for Harley and Diana. God I hope they're still at home. If I go home and they're gone too...I don't know what I'm going to do." He would very likely off himself but he didn't need to say that. Tony was sure that if somehow, Stephen was able to see these messages, he would know. "Please know, when I drift off, it'll be like every night lately. I'm fine...totally fine. I dream about you. God it's always you." Tony says with a broken whisper.

He was hungry, dehydrated, and lost in space with a robotic woman and for once he looked forward to sleep. Dreams of Stephen and their family was his only salvation in this terrible situation he found himself in. He was already hallucinating blue butterflies, and he tried to touch one the first time he saw it, but it had disappeared as soon as his fingers went through the illusion. Tony just ignored them after that. He never asked Nebula if she saw them, because he knew the answer would be a 'no', and she would watch him like a hawk.

With a sigh, he shuts off the recording mechanism in his helmet and pulls on a jacket before laying down. This would quite possibly be the last time his eyes would be open, but at least when he went, it would be to pleasant dreams. Dreams, and the part of him that believed that the blue butterfly settling on the arm he was laying on, was Stephen watching over him.

________________________

Carol had miraculously come across them and took them back to Earth, and once an IV was shoved into him, the remaining Avengers held a meeting. Tony really just wanted to keep to his promise and looks for his other two kids, but he also needed to know who else they had lost. Picture after picture popped up on the multiple screens in the meeting room at the compound, and Tony had to hold himself together when Stephen and Peter's picture came up. He almost lost it when Harley's appeared as well, but then the pictures stopped and the screens vanished.

He never saw Diana and that made him jump to his feet and almost fall over from how weak he was. Pepper had to step forward and steady him as he points a shaky finger as the previous location of the screens.

"D-Diana?" He mentally curses when he stumbles over the single word. "Where...is she...is she alive?"

Steve steps over to his other side to help keep him steady, and offers him a small smile. "She's alive. Out of all of the kids, she and Cassie are still here."

Tony nearly sobs with relief. "Clint and Scott?"

Natasha frowns. "Neither of them are responding to any of our calls. We have to assume they were victims too."

"I want to see my daughter." The engineer whispers, and Pepper gently rubs his back.

"You will, but you need rest."

"I'll rest when I..." Tony blinks away the black spots forming in his vision and the room begins to spin. "When I--"

Then he collapsed. The little bit of effort he had put into talking and standing was too much for his body, and it forced him to rest. He slept for two days without waking, but he woke up on third day and Rhodey all but forced him to eat. In any or he scenario he would have fought, but Diana was alive and all he cared about was seeing her. Tony caved when his best friend promised he could see her as soon as he ate, and he did. He ate as much as he could stomach and Rhodey kept to his promise by having Natasha bring Diana to him. Big blue eyes brightened when his six-month-old daughter saw him and she squealed happily as she reached out for him.

"Dada!"

That one simple word was what broke Tony when he finally got to hold his baby girl. She was all he had left if his family. His husband was gone, his two sons were gone, and half of his friends were gone too. He was broken and tired and wanted to get away from it all. All of the memories.

So as soon as he was able again, Tony took Diana and Cassie with him to a lake house he bought. Cassie's mother and stepfather were out of reach since they had been traveling over seas when the snap happened, so they didn't know if they were even alive. Scott was MIA as well, but Tony promised to take care of her. She was surprisingly happy that the engineer told her to get her things and she did without a fuss.

Tony watched Diana and Cassie grow up over the next five years. As Cassie got older, she helped with Diana and eventually took a liking to cooking and baking that she was starting to throw Tony out of his own kitchen. Like now.

"You're kicking me out of my own kitchen?! You have a lot of nerve Miss Sass." Tony moves away from the island counter and accidently knocks a glass cup off of it and watches it fall and shatter on the ground. "Shit."

Cassie giggles. "That is exactly why. How did you manage to feed us before I took over?"

Tony picks up the broken glass with a towel and dumps it all in the trash bin. "I'll have you know I made dinner plenty of times. I make a mean sauce. Even Peter drank--"

He immediately clams up at the mention of his youngest son. Tony locked those memories away tears ago, but every once in a while, one would slip through. What were once pleasant dreams when he was dying in space, now haunted him in the safety of his home. In his dreams and just looking at Diana. She reminded him of Stephen every day and it was hard to ignore. She even inherited the man's cheeky mouth.

Cassie learned how to read him over the five years they lived at the lake house, and she could tell that talk to him about his family wasn't a good idea right now. "Can you see if there are any raspberries left? They would be good in the salad."

Tony scoffs. "If there are any left."

"With the way your alpaca eats them I wouldn't be surprised if they were gone!"

"My alpaca? You and Dia were the ones that wanted a pet!"

"Yeah! Like a cat! But you had to be extra and come home with a freaking alpaca!" Cassie snarks as she points a knife in his direction and Tony holds his hands up.

"He has a name." The engineer says with a smirk.

"Gerald is a terrible name." Cassie throws a walnut at his head, and narrows her eyes when Tony catches it in his mouth. "Check for berries."

"I've adopted a slave-driver."

Cassie sniggers as he walks out the back door and he pats Gerald's head as he passes by the mammal and into the garden. It was Cassie's idea and he had to admit it was nice having fresh vegetables and berries a few feet away, even if he had to beat their pet alpaca to them. The girls wanted a cat, but it only would have reminded him of Tibbs, and even the poor cat had been a victim of the snap. He just wasn't ready for another one. Tibbs was a pretty awesome cat and Tony kind of missed him sometimes.

"Alright Gerald, I hope you left us some raspberries or we'll both be in the dog house." Two more steps and he found a plant full of the berries. "Small miracles." He glances over at the blanket fort a few feet away and smiles. "Princess Diana! Come help me pick berries!"

"I'm coloring Daddy!" Diana shouts from inside her fort and Tony chuckles quietly. She definitely had Stephen's snark, and she even said it in an exasperated tone.

"I guess you don't get Cassie's chocolate chip cookies for dessert!"

A loud groan follows and Tony grins as Diana comes out of her fort and joins her father. "It was important."

"Oh yeah? Well you'll have to finish after dinner."

Diana doesn't argue any further and the two of them pick enough berries to fill a small container that Tony gives the responsibility of holding to his daughter. A couple of raspberries disappear into her mouth and Tony gives her a fond look as he wipes away some of the juice at the corner of her mouth before it stains. Sass aside, he was lucky that Diana was so well behaved. She even stopped asking about her mother and brothers because she didn't like the forlorn look Tony always wore when they were brought up, but he was also pretty sure that Cassie was telling her instead. Tony always kicked himself over that. Diana should be able to ask him without worrying about him getting upset over it, but instead her pseudo-sister was telling her the stories. Sometimes Pepper, Happy, and the other Avengers whenever they had time to stop by.

"Don't fill up Little Miss. You think we have enough?"

Diana nods. "Uh-huh."

"Alright. Let's get these back in to the Alpha Female if we want to have dinner. I can smell it from here." He kisses her on the cheek before standing back up and lifting Diana into his arms, and he stops next to Gerald when the exit the garden. "Give one to our loyal guard alpaca."

The five year old grabs a raspberry from the container in her hands and gives it to Gerald who eats it out of her hand happily and thanks her with a nuzzle. With that done, Tony walks back toward the house until he hears the unmistakable sound of tires crunching over gravel. He and Diana look at each other before Tony makes his way around the house to the driveway, and his eyes widen when Scott all but falls out of the car in his haste to get out. Steve and Natasha followed after him as the ex-criminal approaches the billionaire and Diana pushes Tony's mouth closed.

"Scott?" Tony wonders with surprise.

"Cassie? Is she here? They said she was here." The man rambles, but before Tony could even reply, the front door opened and Cassie stepped out.

"Daddy?"

Scott's head whips around and the fifteen year old girl immediately runs over to him and hugs him tightly. Everyone else watches the small reunion as Scott hold his daughter close, and he eventually moves away to study his grown daughter.

"You're so big!" Scott looks Cassie over for a few more seconds and then sniffs the air. "Is that food? Oh my god, I'm starving."

Both Cassie and Tony laugh. "You have good timing Thumbelina. You guys can stay for dinner and tell us where the hell you've been."

"Good, because according to Nat and the Cap, I literally haven't eaten for five years."

Tony looks over at the other two adults. "Dinner?"

Natasha smiles. "Only if I get the baby."

"You heard her Little Miss. Go to Auntie Nat." The engineer says as he takes the container of berries and Diana happily goes to Natasha before they head inside.

Scott was quiet for the majority of dinner because he was too busy eating, but when he eventually slowed down so he could at least breath and taste his food, he told them where he had been. The Quantum Realm. What felt like an hour to him had been five years, so when he finally escaped, he was confused when he saw all the missing posters and the monuments with the names of the Snap victims. He explained that he went straight to the tower but when he found he empty, he went to the compound where he found Steve and Natasha. He told them the same thing he was telling Tony and they jumped right back into the car and came straight to the lake house when he asked about Cassie.

Steve clears his throat and Tony watches Natasha suspiciously when she mumbles in Russian and herds Diana away from the table after dinner. An adult conversation was coming up and he wasn't sure whether or not he was glad that the assassin took the initiative to distract his daughter. As soon as the two were out of ear shot, Scott opened his mouth again.

"Tony...we think we can reverse what happened. Bring everyone back."

His breath catches in his throat. "What?"

"Like I told you, it only felt like an hour in the Quantum Realm for me when realistically it's been five years. Time works differently there. Maybe if we can manipulate it--"

"You're talking about a time machine." Tony interrupts.

Steve grimaces. "For lack of a better word, yes."

"I can't take that chance." Scott opens his mouth again but Tony cuts him off and points toward the direction Natasha and Diana disappeared to. "She is all I have left. I can't risk that for a chance. Diana is the only reason I'm even still here!" He admits and the other two men wince and Cassie frowns. "I lost my wife, and my two sons. I can't lose her too."

The three stare at each other in silence until Diana and Natasha return, and Tony's heart clenches when he finds a familiar leather book in his daughter's hands.

Peter's photo album.

"Where..." The mechanic starts and Scott sighs.

"I told you I went to the tower. I grabbed that just in case." He says quietly as Diana sets the album on the table in front of Tony.

"Tony...at least look through it." Steve says quietly. "Even if you still don't want to help, you and Diana both deserve those memories."

Cassie places her hand on the album and pushes it closer to Tony. "I think it's a good idea."

Tony sighs. "Even Miss Sass is ganging up on me."

He reluctantly agrees though and they all eat their dessert of cookies before everyone sans Tony retires to bed. He offered for them to stay since it was a long drive back, and they accepted gratefully. Cassie was nice enough to take Diana to bed since she knew the little girl's schedule and Tony had gone into the makeshift lab to look through the photo album. Not until he had FRIDAY working on potential ways to be able to use the Quantum Realm as a time machine though. He highly doubted they would find anything, but he could at least say he tried. Looking through the album was hard but it was necessary if he was going to have to tell Diana the stories behind each picture. His daughter deserved that much if FRIDAY couldn't--

"Test run successful Boss."

Tony's head snaps up to the hologram and he drops the album so he can cover his mouth in disbelief. He did it. He found a way to time travel. Something he never thought possible if he were honest. A Time Stone was one thing, but a machine? Even he had been skeptical.

"Shit."

That one single word about summed everything up.

He could bring his family back.

[lost-incident-kid]

Happy Birthday Miyu Sugisaki (for tommorow) might do some art for her idk

———

Edit: ah heck! Ive had this queued for months, but i forgot to actually do the art haha, i’ll get something done overnight so it might be rushed and look like trash, it might look reasonably ok. Who knows at this point. I dont trust the sleepy version of myself to create anything good but hey, theyv created some stuff that wasn’t horrifying before :/

Ok, starting here i legit just start live-blogging myself staying up alnight drawing. Ignore me. I didnt know where else to say it. I’ll delete it later.

Edit 2: this isnt gonna be done. Like frick, i just spent 6 hours on miyu’s fricking hairstyle, thats all done and even shaded and looking fabulous but ive only got a rough lineart for litterally everything else. This might not be done, but if it is then her hair is gonna be a fuckign masterpiece (i hope). Im writing this edit at 1:42am, and im gonna go to bed somewhere between 4 and 5, lets go! Hell yeah! I might do this! Perhaps! Im gonna try! 3-4 sprint time! Yeah!

Edit 3: frick, im failing to do this, miserably. Its 3:03am and i got distracted playing mobile games and didn’t get anything done. My existence is futile, existentially im a waste and I should not exist. The atoms within me deserve to be part of something better. Sorry. I’m a f*ck up and unless I get my sh*t together in the next like 5 mins (unlikely) then this aint gonna be finished.

Edit 4: ok, meltdown like 20% over. Its 3:52am, I think the issue then was the face. Faces r hard bruh, they suck do draw. They a festive lil ho ho ho. I was drawing everything too high up on the face cuz my dumb *ss forgot to draw the line thingys on the face or even look at a reference image for proportions. Ive done it now amd life is now a bit more on track. Might get this done if I continue work in the morning.

Edit 4.5: nothin much (hence the .5), its 4:14am, just downed 4 cups o tea for caffeine and sugar (all the coffee we got is decaf lol). I’m gonna get this sh*t done! Ive litterally only coloured down to the face, neck and the hair but still.... I’m gonna get it done anyway! I dont care about going to bed between 4-5 anymore! I’m getting this done!

Edit 5: its less than ten mins later (4:22am) and im taking a quick 20m break to watch youtube while I wait for the caffeine to kick in because im too braindead to continue right now. Like what art style am i even trying? Idk... its really fricking complex tho. Lowkey pretty tho, like if i finish this im gonna be so proud of it like it looks great. But its taking forever and im need break.

Edit 6: ok we back. Its 4:41am, caffeine has not really kicked in but i cant permit myself any more time anyway. Back to drawning.

Edit 7: holy frick, new episode of the vrains dub came out. Man... im leaving vrains fanart to watch the vrains dub. Am I obsessed? Is this hyperfixation? Probably? Either way, its 4:50am and im going to go watch the new episode. I’ll come back to this when im done.

Edit 8: HOLY FRICK GUYS! THE DRAWING APP IM USING KEEPS CRASHING AND SAYS ITS STILL THERE BUT WONT LET ME CONTINUE AND KICKING ME OFF THE APP?!?! ITS 5:06AM AND THE PANIC ATTAC IS BACC! The new episode of the dub isnt completely out yet, im watching that version on yt where its just smol clips of it. Not all the clips r up yet. I was just going on it while waiting for the next clips to go up and thats when the app did the thing and life got 280% sucky-er.

Edit: 8.5 wahoot it stopped kicking me off the app and it let me continue. Its 5:12am and we are FINALLY continuing.

Edit 9: its 5:36 Im tired sleep time I’ll finis thos in the morning goodbye yall have a greatt day

Edit 10: ok, so im a failure. We live in the timeline that god abandoned. I cannot sleep. I shall get more cups of tea, watch yt until the caffeine actually kicks in, and then continue. Its 6:03 right now, I shall be back. Perhaps half an hour?

Edit 10.5: its 6:11am. Not much has happened, just a slight change of plans. Ik its irrelevant but im liveblogging so i gotta say, my eye hurts so im gonna stop looking at screens. Perhaps gonna try to sleep again, if not then i’ll put read a book, redo my makeup (it smudgey) or straight up just listen to music and stare into the void. Litterally anything other than look at my laptop/phone. Peace out homies, i’ll be back at some point before 7 probably (unless i do go to sleep).

Edit 11: Its 6:41am, my eye hurts. Ive been staring into the darkness and listening to various fallout boy songs. Now i feel edgy. Its been half an hour, so im gonna continue drawing. Caffeine and sugar has worn off again so im tired and unmotivated but yno what, it is what it is. Aint life nifty, i gotta get this done.

Edit 12: 6:52 everything burns im in pain my eye is on frickign fire and it looks bloodshot but now also weird azz headache that i never got one like this before so im gonna turn off all lights cuz that seems to make it marginally better am i dying probably idk either way im not gonna continue for multiple hours it is stare into the void time and stare into the void time alone ok this should be the last update

Edit 13: It is 3:16pm, didn’t continue liveblogging cuz i got one heck of a migrane. Im back and well... Happy birthday Miyu for today! I’m still gonna try to get this god forsaken art done, but holy shit what is that art style i did. Its genuinely nothing like anything ive done before, I don’t remember doing any of the colouring but apparently I did and it looks better than anything ive done before and idk if non-fricked up me can replicate it. I’m starting to wonder if i got bored and just copied it or something, like idk how i did it. Look at it

The grey is the lineart I remember doing but man tHE FRICKIGN HAIR like i couldnt have created that, could I? I can see why it was taking so long yesterday like holy shit man that stuff takes time yno