#anyway the demo was 3 minutes it was so fucking funny I only got to pull out elliot and it ended

[picorimori]

I miss re2 remake so much

[bomberqueen17]

yeet

the kitchen is empty.

the more i look at it the more it's obvious that the original owners of the house, who bought it as new construction in 1950, remodeled the kitchen sometime in the 1970s, probably around 1974.

anyway the only thing i'm actually sorry to lose is the milk delivery door in the wall. it's been covered over from the outside, and we never used it for anything-- there were random items in there that were still from the original owner of the house-- but it was a funny little "wait what is that" feature in an otherwise extremely uninteresting house. (photo and more wittering behind the cut)

[image description: a panel in a beige wall, like a small cupboard, set into the thickness of the wall, next to a built-in kitchen counter. Inside is unfinished brown wallboard, with a shelf near the top.]

i am getting lake effected on at the moment, which is inconvenient, but our neighborhood is only supposed to get 1-3" this morning and maybe another 1-3" tonight when the band swings back through. RIP to the southtowns, as is right and proper. (Hamburg got 16" yesterday. It's what you get, living in the snow belt. Outsiders don't understand, when everyone says "Buffalo gets a lot of snow" they don't mean the city itself they mean the region just to the south of it. The blizzard last Christmas was so devastating for a number of reasons but a large part of it was that the lake effect band swung north and dumped on all of us soft City-And-North neighborhoods that mostly just sort of gently chuckle at the travails of the Southtowns. We do NOT have the driveways or snowblowers for this. Sure we can drive in it because we have to commute through it half the time but we are not used to this happening to OUR houses. Also the City is run by incompetent grifters so there's a compounding factor.)

Anyway. Everything is out of the kitchen. I'm prepared to hole myself up in the office for the day once I make sure the workmen have what they need. I'm trying to simultaneously be available and also unobtrusive. Unfortunately the things I could work on are mostly in the basement, which I can only enter through the kitchen. But I also think I'm not going to try to do anything useful today. So I'm not really worried about it. I'm going to sit in the office and veg the fuck out most of the day. I have some hand-sewing and maybe will do some writing and maybe I will just fucking. Sit there and listen to the banging noises or whatever. I don't care. i've been go-go-go-go for weeks at this point and I'm just going to stare at a wall. Who cares. The house is a disaster but the kitchen is cleaned out entirely and they can do whatever they want.

I only hope they don't need me to move the cabinet sitting against the exterior kitchen wall, which is full of fragile glassware and has a bunch of fragile shit on top of it. Probably they'll want me to move that or something. I'll worry about it once they say so. They're demo-ing the other exterior kitchen wall but they're not touching that section, which is why I did not attempt to pack up that cabinet yet. But they might want me to. I'll deal with that when they say so. Give me fifteen minutes to clear everything off the top and then I bet we could just gently push the cabinet into the middle of the room and not fret any more. Whatever man.

OK maybe they were coming at 8:30? IDK. IDK.

[minijenn]

Hi so I'm interested in getting into the Kingdom Hearts series but I dont know which games to start, which games to avoid, and whether or not some of the games are canon or not. Could you help me please?

So the best thing you could get if you want to get into the series is this. (ignore the price tag Amazon has on it you can buy it at Walmart for like $20). It includes every game/cutscene movie in the series (except for the mobile game and the recently released Melody of Memory). Either way its the perfect collection to get you caught up to speed (I got caught up back before this complete collection existed so back then there were two collections you had to buy before they compiled them into just one lol). Either way, it includes basically every single thing you’ll need to get the (almost) complete story of KH. When it comes to what you’ll want to experience with it, here’s my take on things (in order of how you should play/watch them and what they are in that collection): 

Kingdom Hearts (full game playable in the collection): Absolutely MUST play, its a great game and its story is the most simple in the series, very fun and charming and sets up some of the major characters (namely our main Destiny Trio) very nicely. Even if its not the first timeline wise, you’ll want to start with KH1 because of how it introduces the series and its concepts and characters in the most simplistic of ways

Chain of Memories (full game playable in collection, but honestly? I recommend just watching the cutscenes online its NOT fun to play through in my opinion): Again experience the story of this one at least. Its the direct sequel to KH1 and its where things start to get... kind of confusing. To fully understand what happens in this one, you may have to revisit it more than once, I’ve watched through it twice now and I’m still fucking baffled by a lot of it tbh but it sets up 2 so for that its worthwhile I guess?

358/2 Days (Cutscene Movie in collection); So you can watch all of the cutscenes in this one on the collection in a few hours. Its a pretty touching and emotional story focused on the Sea Salt Trio though it does have some... kind of confusing tangents in it too tbh. Either way its well worth the time to look into to learn more about certain characters, as well as the inner workings of Organization XIII

Kingdom Hearts 2 (full game playable in collection): MUST play, its fantastic tbh. Its often cited as the fandom’s favorite for a reason; it builds a TON on what KH1 set up, offers some really fun Disney worlds, and its plot is absolutely fucking batshit and I love that about it. Highly recommend this one for some of the character moments in it especially there are some really funny, really touching, and really heartbreaking scenes in this one, its a wild ride

Birth By Sleep (full game playable): MUST play though its kind of not that great to play in my opinion? Then again I suck at KH games so I might not be the best to ask in that regard XD Its story is great though, focusing on the Wayfinder trio and their absolute tragic backstory. Speaking of backstories, this a prequel, set like 10 years before KH1, something important to keep in mind going into it to avoid confusion (though you do see younger versions of some characters that show up in the “present” games so I suppose that helps lol)

Re:Coded (cutscene movie): Ugh... honestly? You can skip this one, it adds fucking nothing and its boring as hell to get through. If you really wanna sit through it, feel free to but its mostly a big old confusing waste of time if you ask me, one that doesn’t really add much to the story at all. 

Union Cross/KHX/Back Cover: Ok so this is where it gets really confusing. Union Cross is the KH mobile game which I don’t recommend playing because from what I’ve heard its very grindy and basically its “pay to win”; so instead, I recommend getting caught up on this one through watching the “cutscenes” or reading through a plot synopsis online; This is another prequel, set waaaaaay before any of the other games and it has some... stuff thats significant mostly for the sake of KH3 and whatever will likely come after it more than anything else; Its story is... fine. Confusing as hell, but fine. Back Cover is a movie that’s on that collection that tells the story of the Foretellers and its boring as shit but I would recommend at least knowing what happens in it to understand the story of the first Keyblade War. 

Dream Drop Distance (full game playable): Absolutely recommend this one, its a delight to play through and has a really fun (but also hella fucking confusing) story (confusing is a word thats very often used to describe KH for a reason XD); Its set after KH2  and follows Sora and Riku and its basically building up towards KH3 and elements that show up there. Again, highly recommend this one its one of my favorites of the bunch 

Fragmentary Passage (full game playable): Though that game is only like 2 hours long. This is sort of another prequel though its also set during KH1 and you play as Aqua, who I’m in love with :) It was kind of made as a KH3 tech demo and that’s why its so short but its pretty fun and its story is compelling enough to keep you going as it continues building the way towards 3

Kingdom Hearts 3 (full game playable): Absolutely play this one; I may have my problems with its story, but its a hella fun time gameplay wise and its story has... its moments where its not fucking stupid. Though some of it is fucking stupid and I just have to deal with that :) Anyway KH3 is the conclusion of what’s called the “dark seeker” arc, which is really just the arc where we have Xehanort and the Organization as antagonists, tho knowing this hell series I’m sure they’ll all fucking come back someday :P Anyway its the culmination of a lot of things throughout the series and while some ends aren’t tied up the best, others are beautifully here. Totes recommend even if I personally have a very love/hate relationship with it ^_^ 

Re:Mind (bonus online purchase): This isn’t a game but its KH3′s DLC and it likely isn’t included in that story so far set. It basically adds more onto KH3′s ending and sets up for whatever game will come next after it (and also sets up MoM) 

Melody of Memory (not included in set): The newest game in the series and a rhythm game at that; its largely just a recap of past games and their events, but the gameplay is really fun and addictive, plus KH music slaps. It does have about 15 minutes of brand new story content tacked onto the end of it, which again, is setting up for whatever game likely comes next, but if ya wanna skip it, I wouldn’t blame you, its waaaaaaay too expensive right now, I’d honestly just wait for a price drop :P 

Dark Road: This is another mobile game and it basically tells Master Xehanort’s backstory; I personally haven’t looked into this one because I don’t give a single fuck about that asshole’s history but ya can if you want more context into his character  I guess :/

And those are all the KH games. There’s a fucking lot of them and I hate them all. I also love them all. I basically love/hate this entire hell series,, so much so that I decided to write a shitty angst fic about it (which I highly recommend if you do actually go through all of the KH games, Keys to the Kingdom is basically an AU of KH3 and also sort of a “fix it fic” of sorts XD its a good, tragic time all around XD (forgive the shameless self promotion)) Anyway, enjoy the insanity that is KH!

[gamerwoo]

Pentagon headcanon: Pentagon as mall workers

a/n: I’ve always lowkey wanted to do some sort of mall series but never actually had a solid plot so we gonna just do this instead. and Seventeen will be mentioned bc I wanna do one for them and I want them all to work in the same mall and no one can stop me 😤

-

Lee Hoetaek

the manager at FYE

everyone calls him Hui though

really good at reading people and just kind of knowing what they’d like

but y’know he doesn’t wanna be creepy so he asks what kind of music they’re into

and then he can pull any album and know it’s perfect for you

you always go to him when you’re looking for new music

he’s also always up to recommend some new stuff you might not have listened to

knows the store inside and out

if you’re looking for a specific album, he knows exactly where to go

the friendliest dude ever

he loves that you ask him about music so he always gives you his discount

sometimes makes you mixtapes

but he got that idea from his co-worker, Hansol

-

Jo Jinho

assistant manager at Music Center

lowkey salty that the manager is Jihoon who’s way younger than him

but honestly together, the two run the store really smoothly

they do their best to help out the other employees who might not know as much

like Joshua, for example since he really only knows guitars

Jinho often sings to himself while he’s working but the customers lowkey love it

honestly you only go in there to listen to him sing

and because Josh flirts with you but that’s neither here nor there

one time you were looking at a keyboard so Jinho offered to ‘demo’ it for you

he’s so talented you don’t know why he’s not famous instead of just working in some music store

-

Yang Hongseok

works at GNC

flirts with pretty much everyone who walks through the door

but lowkey though

gives really good advice on how to stay fit and what things to use

knows everything about everything in that store

still wondering why he’s not manager

oh yeah it’s because Matthew is lmao

even though he’s more of a flirt, he does take his job seriously and is a genuinely sweet guy

one time after a bad day, he saw you sitting on the bench outside his store and he went and got you bubble tea from the place downstairs

you go to Hongseok when you’re stressed now and he’ll listen

-

Ko Shinwon

works at Gamestop

always laughs about how he’s glad he’s not the manager because all the workers get treated like garbo by 12 year old boys and their parents

so he teases Wonwoo for having to get the bulk of the trouble

gets yelled at for playing the game demos instead of working

takes too many breaks to go get food but then downs it all in the back room in like 3 minutes

tbh the only reason he hasn’t gotten fired is probably because they’re short staffed

but you like him because he plays the game demos with you

you think he’s funny and if he wasn’t there, Gamestop just wouldn’t be the same

-

Yeo Changgu

works at Build-A-Bear

does so well with the kids even when they’re bratty

you don’t go into the store because you’re embarrassed to but he sees you always staring at the Eevee Build-A-Bear and he’s waiting for the day you come in to make it

and yes he would absolutely make you do the heart ritual thing

and yes he would giggle at how red your face would get

he loves doing that to people his age when they come in

“can we skip the heart thing?” “absolutely not”

they get so embarrassed doing it and he lives for it

he takes his job seriously ok

-

Yanan

barista at Starbucks

might be the most handsome one there which makes his manager, Jeonghan lowkey salty

kinda slow when it comes to making drinks but nobody seems to care

how could you care?? look at him

whenever you go to get a drink from Starbucks and Yanan’s at the register, you always stutter and get blushy

but it’s fine because he always seem flustered talking to customers too

he usually doesn’t work register though

-

Adachi Yuto

works at Hot Topic

he likes it because the store just doesn’t give a shit about anything and hardly anyone goes in so he can just dick around with Wooseok all day

plus he gets a discount on all his goth clothing lmao

people will go in the store just to see him though

you sometimes go in there for shirts or for pop figures and stuff and he’s always really nice

quietly asks how you’re doing and if you need help finding anything to let him know

but he won’t ask Wooseok or Soonyoung to do their job

he’s not annoyed by it anyway so it’s fine

the only responsible worker there tbh

-

Kang Hyunggu

works at Bubble Bee

everyone calls him Kino

tbh half the reason anyone goes to get bubble tea is because of Kino

he’s just so smiley all the time and so sweet????

between him and his coworker, Seokmin, they really draw in a good amount of business

and y’know bubble tea is like a big trend now, so there’s that

makes the best taro bubble tea you’ll ever have in your life

one time he was working a shift alone and it got busy and he got your order wrong so now he always always always makes extra sure that it’s what you wanted

like he literally has you try it while you’re in front of him to make sure it’s good

send you off with the biggest smile and a “have a good day, _____!”

-

Jung Wooseok

works at Hot Topic

that one employee that does not give two shits about actually working

but he knows he’ll get away with it because as I said, Hot Topic does not give a frick

likes to change the music in the store to bubblegum jpop

Yuto lowkey likes it which is half the reason Wooseok does it

he’s always either fucking around at the counter with Yuto or giggling and fucking things up with Soonyoung in the back

if you ask him for help, he calls someone else over

literally does not do anything

you know well enough to not bother asking Wooseok for anything so he likes you

whenever you go up to the register, he calls to Yuto to give you his store discount and then says “keep up the good work” when you’re leaving

to this day, you have yet to ask him for assistance

[borisbubbles]

20. SAN MARINO

Senhit - “Freaky!”

Before we start, SORRY for not updating sooner. PED hit me sooner *and* harder than I anticipated and one of my tooth fillings dropped, so I’m currently on painkillers. Also the EBU’s online ‘replacement show’ for the first semifinal... :shudders: 

However, allow me to bring some happiness into my life (and by proxy, yours), by discussing the one, the only, the true 2020 Queen of EuroTRASH....

...

...

... Samanta Tina, in a few updates. 🤭

Until then, let’s dish on Senhit.

Entry Analysis. 

Hang on. Senhit you say? THIS SENHIT?

Yes, I am FOREMOST cuckoo-completely for the fact that SRMTV dug up this haggard frump from her crypt and forced her to do Eurovision simply because they had no other options <3 (and also because they had an Azerbaijani hand-me-down more on that in NF Corner). I always liked Senile Drunk Auntie Senit more than probably should (yes, “Stand by” is boring but 2011 is a dungheap, LET ME HAVE MY RANDOM FAVES OKAY)

Second of all, the accompanying transformation of Senit into SenHIT. We went from this:

to this?

LIFE IS GOOD WHEN YOU’RE IN A FREAKING(!) MIDLIFE CRISIS. 

Holy shit, what a transformation into... idek what to describe FREAKY!’s video clip as? A neo-neon-nightmare, featuring aggressively sexual grinding by Senhit, inflicted upon half-naked men in a setting that borrow heavily from Hatari’s BDSM couture? It’s fucking BONKERS. 

 May I also remind you that Senhit is EVEN OLDER THAN *BICENTANNIAL WOMAN TAMTARATAM* and despite this she manages to sell her sexual aggression as a something *FUNNY* without making herself look like a desperate tart? HER POWER. 😍

I also have to mention the fucking MARKETING campaign that accompanied this mad, menopausal circus of bad taste. You diehards probably noticed the San Marino 2021 mugs (those HIDEOUS teal/pink/sand coloured mugs <3) like I did and like me probably thought it was an elaborate hoax? Turn out... it somehow *wasn’t* a hoax and you could order them on Senhit’s personal website??? WHAT??? Btw, forget about the mugs, how about PERSONALIZED CONDOMS?

SOLD OUT lmfao <3 Bet most Senhit fans never actually used a condom before <3

All of this hogwash for a song that can best be described as an irrideemable pile of disco dreck. 😍  God I was SO on board with UNIRONICALLY stanning San Marino for once. #YesWeSen. 

and... then Eurovision 2020 was taken away from me, you and Senhit, and my appreciation towards her quickly dried up before it could settle as unironic stanning.😬 Sigh. BUT WORRY NOT QUEEN’S GOT YOU COVERED.

<3

NF Corner

Oh my fucking god, yes, the codswallop that was “Digital Battle Eurovision”. So, after months of silence (other than Senhit nasically spoiling her participation on social media, which no one really took seriously because come on, it’s Senhit) San Marino held something that was supposed to pass as a “national final” and it’s the shoddiest thing I’ve ever seen in the 8 years I’ve been following the preshow <3 

Okay so... This is where Azerbaijan come in. You may not know this yet, but “Cleopatra” by Efendi was, at some point during development, given to San Marino. I’m not sure about the exact details, but from what I heard and assumed, Azer’s broadcaster Ichtimai decided they didn’t need “Cleopatra”, so they gave the demo to San Marino, who then recruited Senhit to sing it in. Sounds like fan fiction and fortunately for us the recordings have made they way to the yubtubs so I can prove you it is gospel. Observe:

Senhit - “Cleopatra”

YES QUEEN OF THE GAYS <3 (lol I should keep my opinions on Efendi’s Cleopatra hidden for now, but spoilers I am going to fucking RIP that crock of shit to shreds once I get there).

So anyway, at *SOME* point after giving “Cleopatra” to the San Marinese, Ichtimai must’ve decided that “nope, Cleopatra will be OUR entry, thx” and punted Senhit out of her glorious pseudo-historical trash anthem (more on that too when I rank Azerbaijan), a WEEK before the deadline, (😂🤣) which of course meant that San Marino had to *improvize*. 😅

Enter: a ramshackle SING-OFF between two songs, deadline ON THE MORNING OF THE DELEGATION MEETING. 🤣. Your choices:

SONG #1 A trashy disco song that never would have stood a prayer at Eurovision and would’ve been a disaster in every universe, especially *and* including our own, but was complete lip service towards any vocal Stan Marino.

SONG #2 The English translation of a competent, but somewhat tepid electropop song that Senhit had released in Italian in September, mere days after the 2020 season had started. Good, but nothing too exciting. 

Senhit - Obsessed

And honestly, it seemed clear that FREAKY! would win from second one? It seemed like the clear follow-up to Serhat (sorta?), a perfect fan service song to keep the balding gays busy so they don’t pick up their phones and vote for boring shit such as Gjon’s Tears. However, when FREAKY! won it was revealed it had only won by a TINY margin over Obsessed anyway. What the FUCK was this year honestly and why does NONE of it make sense. 

San Marino 2020 & San Marino 2021

I mean... yes, the second semifinal was compiled of a series of oozing trashheaps and boring smug, and yes, both demographs would provide qualifiers and no, Senhit *never* would’ve been one of them, being stuck in the first half. 

It would seem as if “FREAKY!” was a worthy successor to “Say na na na”, but I don’t think that comparison really works. The only things those two songs have in common is their camp and their singer’s inability to sing (lol have I ever said a positive thing about Serhat, ever, in print? I should counteract that by saying something kind: Serhat is very good at... um... being a dentist. 🙂)

However, “Say na na na” also had a universally positive message, even if it adhered the tried-and-true “BELIEVE IN YOURSELF IF YOU DO THIS BANALE THING” cliché.” FREAKY!” literally is a hodgepodge of acid trippy menopausal nonsense, which I personal find more endearing, but Europe would swiftly whisk towards the rubbish bin for being bad and female. C’est la vie. 

Nada on 2021 yet and given how desperate and scarce with information San Marino are, I expect no news until the literal last minute. I personally wouldn’t be too surprised if they withdrew, but eh, I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. As long as we have Samanta Demon to cover our trip-hop-trash needs, I couldn’t rly care less about San Marino. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I mean, even if you had *any* doubts how well Senhit would score in the category I named after her, let me recap

- San Marino recruited a random-ass-returnee nobody really asked for. - They initially gave her an Azeri hand-me-down trashpop song about a Macedonian-Greek pharaoh - Azerbaijan then took BACK said hand-me-down trashpop song and made it their entry - Which forced San Marino to flimsily put together a last-minute digital NF where you could decide which of these two HOPELESS songs would facilitate their NQ - The deadline of which was set *ON THE MORNING OF THE DELEGATION MEETING IN ROTTERDAM* (aka the literal submissions deadline) - The obvious winner *almost* lost the vote everyone expected them to win (again!) - and of course: the video clip, the website, the emails, the slogans, the CONDOMS. This is honestly what FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTORS! are made for. Happily take away the first (but not last) perfect score, queen. 

Score: 5 Senhits out of 5. 

[spiderrpcrkerwrites]

La Vie En Rose

a/n: Fell into the trap and finally wrote a bucky fic. I’m still on hiatus, just wrote this one night and thought I’d upload it. This is based on the film ‘Jaane Tu Ya Jaane Na’ and this is some self-indulgent floofy shit. Thanks to @thebookwormslytherin and @bucket-barn for beta reading it

This version of the song was my inspo for this (The other songs used are Almost (sweet) music by Hozier and That’s Amore by Dean Lewis

"Pullll me close and hold me fast, this magic spell you caaaaast…" the entire backseat droned on as Sam thought to join in before he saw Anne's face and decided not to.

"Sorry, this song just has a special meaning for our group." He said sheepishly, as Nat, Peggy, and Steve finished with a flourish. 

"Yes, that's why we're being treated to it since 5th Avenue."

"Told you guys, she's very funny." Sam turned around to face his friends before his eyes went to the road again. 

They had been traveling for a good 30 minutes, off to pick up some friends of, well, her semi-boyfriend's. When she'd initially met the other three, all of whom were his uni mates, Anne had liked them well enough. Now that all three were determined to raise Edith Pilaf from her grave, she felt ready to jump out of the window.

~

She strode away from Sam, trailing after Steve and Peggy who were walking hand in hand. Sam stopped to lock the car as Nat watched on.

"What?"

"When is your flight taking off?"

"Huh?"

"Sam, baby, when are you telling her?" 

"Telling who what?"

"You know, 'I wouldn't know where to start...'" Natasha sung in her worst baritone as he rolled his eyes.

"Look, we're taking it slow."

"Yes, very slow. Bring a pilot on her day off to an airport. You're such a dumbass." She smacked him on the shoulder.

They caught up to the other three, who sat outside the entrance. Anne was tapping at her phone angrily.

"Why are we outside?" He asked Steve.

"There's a bomb threat, apparently. And also their flight is late."

"Fuck me." Anne now looked up. "We'll have to stay out here?"

"Don't you like airports?" Peggy asked her, a single eyebrow raised. 

"Nope. Hate em."

"I love airports." Natasha sat down next to Anne. "Every goodbye here is full of stories."

"How nice. I hate stories. Especially those that end at airports." She frowned.

"Well, I've got a great story for you. And we don't have much to do anyway. There's some very bad weather on their side."

"Ugh, my battery is about to die. Go on then, this tale of yours. If it's boring I'll tell you though."

"I swear you won't. Okay then, how shall I start?"

"Tell her about the trip!" Steve sat up straight.

"Oh, let me start properly." Nat stretched her arms. "Sam, go get some snacks. This is a long story. Now, our story starts with Bucky and Y/N..."

~

"Any plans for what you're going to do after?" Nat asked Y/N as the latter stretched towards a taco. Frowning at Nat, she picked it up and sighed. 

"Nope. Probably going to waste my time going around on stupid outings like this." She gasped as Bucky took the taco out of her hand, biting into it, eyebrows raise. She smacked him on the shoulder and reached for another. 

"You two could always get married." Sam quipped, eyeing Steve as he said so, who turned away, suddenly fascinated with a wall clock.

"For the last time, no. Bucky snores in his sleep. Also, I'm sure his girlfriend would mind very much."

"Wait. Girlfriend?" Peggy sat up. "Seriously?"

"We've been on just two dates, guys. It's nothing serious."

"Pretty sure she'll have a problem with your other girlfriend, Buck." At this Y/N rolled her eyes. 

"Well, when are we meeting her?" At Nat saying this, the others joined in, teasing and threatening Bucky.

"I've asked her to come along on the skiing trip, you could meet her then." He got up. "I'm off. Doll, you coming?"

"Eww, they're dating?" 

"No, no. That's what everyone thought. They had been friends since childhood when Y/N had beat his ass with a barbie. Now, don't interrupt me."

~

The trip was supposed to be their last hurrah before they all took the world by storm. Or were supposed to, at least. Y/N didn't think it was a great time to introduce Bucky's girlfriend, Alyssa, who had met her and had asked her twice if she really was just his friend. 'Why else was she calling him at 3 A.M.?' Was her justification for the Spanish Inquisition.

Y/N sighed for the 50th time since coming back from the first day of skiing.

"You do that a lot these days?" Peggy sat down beside her, blowing a kiss at Steve, who sat a few feet away.

"Eugh. It's seeing all you lovey dovey people that's giving me a headache." Y/N had accidentally walked in on them making out after a party at Sam's apartment, who had grasped her by the shoulders and gently guided her out. He had explained the two had apparently fallen for each other over the course of describing their ideal partners to each other.

"Well, Sam's always available. Nat, I suspect, is off talking to Sharon so she might not be."

"Please, no. Now, tell Steve to get you hot cocoa I can steal off of you later."

"I'm sensing some unrequited love here." Anne was the one sighing now. It was interesting, yes, but she was not about to eat her words. Steve and Peggy returned from their jaunt to see when the flight would be landing, so far it didn't show any signs.

"Mmm, maybe. We were all sure they were the only ones who didn't realize how much they acted like a couple. Bucky and Alyssa kept dating, though. You had to practically keep them off each other like magnets."

"And Y/N? Didn't she say anything to Bucky?"

"I think she was happy at him being happy too. She cared about that more than anything else."

~

The bonfire spat and threw sparks into the air as the group sat in front, freezing cold. Alyssa was not present there, quoting a family urgency. Some sick part of Y/N felt great about it.  She kept quiet as she snuggled up next to Bucky, who put an arm around her. She looked up as Steve hummed quietly.

"Please, no singing." Sam woke up from his apparent sleep. Steve started singing loudly, leading everyone to start groaning.

"When the moon hits your eye…"

"No, God no!" Sam sat up straight as Nat hooted with laughter at him sticking his glove laced fingers in his ears.

"Okay, then, Sammy, what song would you sing if you fell in love?"

"Hmm. What about…" He played the opening lines of Almost Sweet Music on the guitar that had mostly been left alone the whole night. Y/N smiled and started clapping as Sam started to sing and later everyone joined in.

"What would you sing, James?" Peggy turned to Bucky now.

"Hmm. That's a secret."

"Come on." Y/N punched his arm. "Give us a demo."

"Noooo."

"Come onnnn!"

"Ugh fine. Probably La Vie En Rose." 

"Did you sing that to Alyssa yet?" Natasha turned to him as Sam gave Y/N a single raised eyebrow.

"We're not in love. But if it happens…"

"You should practice for that!" Y/N cheered as Sam handed her the guitar. "Come on, I'll play."

Bucky smiled, closed his eyes and began to sing. His phone glowed once or twice, but someone put it on silent. Meanwhile, a mile or so away, Alyssa slammed her phone down. 

"Uh oh. Trouble in paradise?"

"Like you couldn't imagine." Peggy smiled. "Those two really were idiots. And they would get more and more ridiculous as time went on."

~

After the trip, it seemed like Bucky and Alyssa couldn't even stand to talk to each other. She unceremoniously dumped him and came over once to give him his stuff. Noticing Y/N coming out of the washroom, she glared at her and left.

Were they really just friends if so many people seemed to suggest the opposite? Bucky wondered as Y/N put on a movie and crashed on the couch, snuggling up to him as usual. He didn't put his arm around her, opting to put it on the back of the sofa. She frowned and put it on her shoulders, seemingly paying no heed.

And then she went and decided to date Brock Rumlow.

"What the fuck?" Anne was visibly shocked. Sam handed her a Dorito as she gasped at Natasha, who simply shrugged. 

"That was our exact reaction, too."

"Seriously? Rumlow? Doll, you have several options!"

"Bucky, you know him! He's Uncle Noah's son; he's nice. And it's just a movie."

"Correction: he used to be nice. Then he keyed a car and stole things and bullied the hell out of everyone."

"I didn't say anything about Alyssa, okay? Lemme live, jesus."

"Are they pining yet? Is the pining happening yet?"

"Patience, Annie dearest. It's barely begun. But yes, to answer your question, the pining had begun."

"I just don't know what she sees in him. I could find her a better guy." Bucky complained to Nat one night as they sat in her room, him angry over Y/N canceling plans over Brock thinking she and Bucky were too close.

"Then do it. Is there anyone out there who could meet your standards for the best guy for her?"

"I-I know Rumlow, okay? He's the worst." Maybe it wasn't about him. Maybe it was the fact that he had begun to see how well he and Y/N went together or how much he loathed to see her with anyone else.

"Aha! It's finally mutual! So,happy ending? They confess and Y/N and Brock broke up?"

"Hmm. Yes and no."

She did break up with Rumlow, when he started pointing too much at her and Bucky's friendship. Feelings annoyed her to hell.

She announced to everyone that she was off doing a three-year course in Los Angeles. Everyone felt she needed the break, but they also felt concerned at seeing Bucky and Y/N, who couldn't even go to the corner store without telling each other, would go without seeing each other for three whole years.

"Oh God, is this where the airport part comes in?"

"Bingo, baby!"

After they'd seen her off, Nat was driving them home. She saw Bucky in the passenger seat, incessantly texting someone. She hummed as he looked up.

"What."

"You should've told her. Its practically reeking off you two."

"The only thing worse than long distance friendship is a relationship, Nat."

"And the one thing worse than that is having mutual feelings but never conforming them. I'm pulling over,you call her right now."

"And then?"

"Then what, he called, we cheered. As soon as she picked up, he sang that stupid song of his, through a storm of tears. Judging by him jumping up and down, she probably accepted."

"And then?" Anne sat on the edge of her seat.

"Well, we drove straight to the airport to have a ticket done for him for three weeks later. They didn't get that epic cinematic kiss at the airport, because well, security, but they did send a disgusting one in a picture later."

"Hey! The flight's landed!" Sam announced as he jogged over to where they were sitting. The others cheered and stood up to go greet their friends as Anne remained sitting.

"What? You don't want to see the stars of the story?" He sat down beside her. She hung her head down and smiled at the ground, and started singing in the lowest of voices, "Came in from the outside..." as she looked up at him. Sam grinned and swept her into his arms.

~

"Oh ew, are they kissing?"

"Thank God, I couldn't stop through another Y/N-Bucky esque drama. One is quite enough."

"Speaking of, there they are!" Peggy waved at them as Natasha and Steve looked towards arrivals

Later, when Bucky and Y/N were informed it was Sam's now-girlfriend that had been told their story to pass the time, they tried to figure which was more confusing. The fact that a stranger knew about them or the fact that said stranger was now Sam's girlfriend.

They both gave up eventually.

[flannelpunkcalum]

The Devil Wears Kevlar - Part 2

Part 1 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 

Cover image credit goes to the amazing saintcalum!

it’s starting to get interesting!!!! this bit is quite a bit longer than the first which is fun - it’s about 4k words but that’s getting up there for me. hope you enjoy it!!! as always pls tell me what you think this is my baby and I love her

Monday morning is rough.

Aspen usually gets to work for nine, which means she has time to grab breakfast with her roommates before she lets the subway drag her to work. On her first morning as a personal assistant, she’s aiming to get to the coffee shop by eight, because she doesn’t trust herself or lines. She’s gonna put on some classy business makeup today, too, just do her eyebrows and put on mascara, not to mention her stress doublechecking her - well, Mr. Hood’s planner. This all means she’s trying to leave the house at the time she usually gets out of bed, which is very unfair.

She thinks about pretending to forget Calum’s coffee order all the way there. Honestly, she’d be better off in a lab somewhere, and the sooner he gets tired of her the sooner she’s elbow-deep in PCR and collagen synthesis. Still, she’s a try-hard at heart, and she mourns her honest nature the whole time she’s standing in line. Decaf, one cream.

Even with her comfortable margin of time, it’s almost eight-thirty when she gets to the front of the building. Her new business flats are already threatening to give her blisters, which sucks, but she straightens her back as a sleek car pulls up and her boss gets out of the backseat. Of course he doesn’t drive himself to work. Aspen smiles at the old man chauffeuring as Mr. Hood steps out, billion-dollar-briefcase in hand.

“Good morning!” She says, instead of “sweet ride my dude” or worse, her first instinct, to ask him why he’s having her bring him coffee when there’s almost undoubtedly better beans at his mansion.

She suspects it’s a test.

See, she came prepared today; she Googled her boss and her and Mel and Paige made fun of the articles that called him a “human sized lever pushing the industry forwards”, or worse, “Gotham’s Most Eligible Bachelor”. Jokes aside, though, she paid attention and she thinks she’s gonna be able to figure this out properly. He’s smart, no matter what Forbes or Business Insider says. He shows up to all sorts of galas with a pretty flavour of the month, which keeps both the Daily Gotham (“the idiot newspaper for criminals” her journalist roommate Paige calls it) and the New York Times very well entertained. When Aspen said she got a weird vibe, Paige said that he might be hiding something with this public image. Paige was probably joking (Aspen’s had all kinds of crackpot theories), but the more Aspen ruminates on it the more suspicious she feels.

She thinks back to the questions he asked in that interview. He probably doesn't trust her either.

So she hands him his coffee. “There’s a little- I dunno if you like pastries but these are my favourites. If you don’t want it I’ll eat it.”

Calum takes a sip as he walks into the lobby. He’s taller, and Aspen didn’t think much of that until she had to keep up with him. “I’m not really one for sweets.” He says, barely looking at her. By that time they've reached the elevators and she's almost surprised he doesn't have her press the button for him.

“Alright, that's cool. Snacks for later.” She says as the door dings open and they step in.

Aspen reaches out for the paper bag of pastry when she realizes Mr. Hood is looking at her, really looking, for the first time all morning. He doesn't move to hand it over. “Sorry, did I- you're not allergic or anything-”

“It's not that, no, you're very thoughtful. You're just very- people aren't usually very informal with me like that.” He says, and not like it's a good thing. Aspen’s stomach drops, and not just because this elevator goes up real high. She's pretty sure the whole city can see the blush on her cheeks.

“I didn't mean to overstep- I'm sorry.” She says. He has a ghost of a smile on his lips at that. “I'm sorry, sir.” She tries again, with a careful kind of laugh, but he seems to smile properly at that and she feels a little warmer.

“Don’t worry about it too much. It’s your first day. I’ll play nice.” He says, and if Aspen didn’t know better she would have said he winked before pressing the paper bag into her hand and turning to the doors.

She’s still trying to process that as the elevator dings again for the top floor and he steps out. No matter how warm the places where their skin met feel, she has to hurry to trail after him, which she does not like. Stupid long-legged CEOs, stupid business flats. Maybe this is another test, to see if she's content with falling behind or if she leans in to the cardio. Aspen is starting to think maybe she hates being a personal assistant, and it's only been five minutes.

Mr. Hood starts talking as they head through the reception area. “This is how most days are will go; once I arrive, you'll bring me my coffee and we'll go over my appointments and meetings for the day, lunch plans, etcetera. I may need you to accompany me to some of them, just to take notes. Your computer should be connected to my email, I'll need you to look through that in a second.” He opens the door of his office for her and follows her in, taking a seat at his desk and looking at her expectantly.

Well. No pressure, or anything.

“Alright, so here’s the agenda for the day, here's your copy,” She says, pulling a neatly folded piece of paper out of her bag. “First meeting is at ten with the-”

“It is 2019.”

What? Aspen almost panics. “What?”

“It's 2019, we have smartphones, you don't need to-” Calum gestures at the sheet, looking- not angry, not amused, just- unreadable.

“I know that. Sir.” Says Aspen, not like a defensive child at all. “It's just nice sometimes to have a hard copy. Maybe you'll like it.”

She gets a faintly amused vibe. Mr. Hood is definitely finding this a little funny. Asshole.

“Alright, then, go on.”

Aspen takes a deep breath. “SO, ten o’clock meeting with Julia Fedeski and the team from Hood Automotive, eleven thirty demo from Hood Tech that could be pushed to after lunch if the meeting goes long, then you have lunch with - it just says a question mark on your sheet, in the book there were like three names scribbled out.”

“That's fine.” Mr. Hood is definitely smiling a little now. Aspen really fuckin’ wished she knew why.

“Alright, then after lunch at one you're supposed to have a meeting with the sales rep - I wish I could be more specific but all it says is “the sales rep”. Um, and then at two thirty you have a phone interview with WGBS. Finally, at five it says you have to leave for a fitting for the Gotham Museum fundraiser and I can't let you be late to that. It's very clear. And that's what your day looks like!”

“Sir.” Mr. Hood reminds her, letting an honest smile show.

“Sir!” Aspen covers as best she can. “I'm sorry, I- I'm a scientist by trade, we're an irreverent bunch. I'll get it.”

“I know you will.” He seems cheerful as he takes another sip of his coffee. “Why don’t you check for messages and come back in, say, half an hour to bring me up to speed?”

“Absolutely, sir,” says Aspen, and she is out of that office as fast as politely possible.

Calum Hood is still terrifying, but at least that time Aspen didn't feel like she was about to spontaneously combust.

Half an hour gives her time to get a cup of tea before she heads back in to give the seventh richest person in the world an update. She doesn't burst into flames that time, either, and he doesn't have to remind her to address him all formal-like this time, either.

...maybe this could work.

By time Aspen emerges, glowing with happiness because she didn't fuck that exchange up, Liam and Janice are in. Janice gives her a really kind smile. Liam looks at her and his shoulders sag.

Aspen had hoped that Liam would have something to say to her today. An apology. She would have taken any excuse. She didn't want one of her best and most handsome work friends to be angry at her like this! It looks like that's not going to happen, though, which is- it's a shame.

“Good morning Janice, good morning Mr. Payne.” She chirps anyway.

Janice seems surprised to see her cheerful, but she says hello anyways. Liam grunts, but at least he doesn't try to grab her again.

Aspen suspects she's going to be counting her blessings fairly often this week.

She heads into her office and gets to… work, she thinks? She doesn't know what she's supposed to be doing until Mr. Hood needs her, so she pokes through file cabinets and tries not to look up through the glass to see what Liam's doing.

She makes a reservation for lunch.

She answers the phone and manages to direct them to Hood Tech.

She calls Mr. Hood fifteen minutes before his meeting to remind him and ask if she needs to take notes (she doesn't).

She watches him leave his office and head to the elevators. He doesn't wave.

Janice answers a phone call.

Liam coughs.

GOD, she's going to be here forever.

Aspen decides she hates being a personal assistant. Offices are terrible. Worst of all, she’s still over-analyzing the little exchange she had with her boss in the elevator, probably because her genius brain has nothing else to do. She’s really trying not to be silly about this but god, she fuckin’ yearns to be in a lab. No one expects a bunch of nerds to look poised and collected while they wait for something to happen! Aspen wishes she was back in the basement. Mouska, pretty Mouska who worked next door, would always let Aspen come around and watch her dissect turtle brains or whatever. Even when there was nothing to do, there was something to do. Here, all she can do us Google “what to do in an office when you are bored” and pray Liam can't see her browser history. One of the suggestions is “quit”. God, she wishes.

Things look up around eleven, when Calum gets back and has her draft an email for him. It takes her a nerve-wracking fifteen minutes to write one paragraph, but he approves it and then they finally get to head down to the levels of Hood Tech’s labs for the demo.

To say Aspen is psyched would be an understatement. She even grabs her safety glasses from the desk (of course she’s keeping them around) on her way to meet Mr. Hood at the elevators. Just in case. He meets her with eyebrows raised. “You don’t have to come along.” he says, but he doesn’t sound opposed to it so she presses on.

“If it’s all the same to you, sir, I’d really like to. Do you know how jealous Ash- Dr. Irwin is going to be when he hears about this?” She’s got a clipboard in her hand to make her look professional, and it seems to work because he smiles at her and turns to the elevator.

Hood Tech is so badass. Aspen remembers when they came out with the remote hacking device that helped Gotham City PD take down Firefly a few months before she moved to the city. Obviously with Gotham’s problems with corruption in the government, it makes her a little nervous, but god, she’s really into the science behind it. She can’t wait to see what they’re planning to show Mr. Hood.

She practically vibrates all the way down to the 19th floor, where everything is black and chrome when they step out. Aspen is a little envious that these guys get the flashy decor while her basement lab is a symphony in beige, but she has to admit she loves the effect. Someone is waiting by the elevators to walk them there, a middle-aged man in a lab coat and khakis. He doesn’t say much as they head through the labs, at least not to her. Mr. Hood talks to him in low tones. Usually being ignored would drive Aspen mad, but she takes this opportunity to try to peer into any lab with an open door and glean something about the research. Most of the doors are closed, but she sees a shooting range, shiny lab benches, and what looks like an fMRI machine. She’s really digging it.

They’re lead into a room with more men in lab coats standing around, and a chair in the middle of the room. One chair. As they step towards it, both Calum and the guy in the lab coat hesitate. “Oh, don’t worry, I can stand. I’m wearing sensible footwear and everything.” She jokes, wiggling her business flats. “I’m Aspen, by the way, nice to meet you all.” She waves cheerfully. She’s been told it’s disarming.

She gets one awkward wave back, so she counts it as a success. Calum sits down. Aspen stands behind his chair and tries to prepare herself for the marvels she’s undoubtedly about to see. Hood Tech does not disappoint. They’re shown a robot the size of her thumbnail that holds a camera and microphone and hovers, and as soon as it gets a portable power source it’ll be a breakthrough in surveillance. Next, the team brings out a voice synthesizer and has Calum speak into it, and soon the entire room of scientists has taken a turn speaking in his voice. Aspen’s clipboard is dangling at her side; she knows they’ve saved the best for last, and she’s so anxious to see what it is. The scientists seem just as excited as she is; she can catch the bright looks they give each other while Mr. Hood looks over the voice synthesizer.

He can sense it too. “...And?” Calum says, setting the device aside.  

Dr. Fox, the head of the team, grins. “And the Hive.”

Someone opens a box, and, yeah, it’s a swarm of drones that fly out to hover around Calum’s chair. Aspen, who’s standing right behind him, is also surrounded, but one of the robots around her beeps at her reassuringly. She thinks she likes it. No, she knows she likes it. “Autonomous swarm!” She exclaims, grinning.

Some of the researchers look surprised. Good, Aspen thinks. Let that be the last time they underestimate her.

Mr. Hood looks much less impressed, both with her and with the robots. “They certainly look good. What are the implications?”

“Well, as your, um, companion mentioned, it’s an autonomous swarm system that has many possible applications. The Navy has been testing similar systems for defence as well as offence, but we think that it could, for a start, act as security in the building while we improve its range.” Dr. Fox says, looking confident. “It’s just a start, mind you. I’d like to show you something more.

“The swarm can explore on its own, but it can also cluster around any object, moving or not. The nature of the swarm also has some… interesting features.” The good doctor pulls out a remote from his lab coat and presses a button.

Instantly, the whirring of the swarm’s motors changes to something sinister, and they start to move faster, tighter. They haven’t touched her yet, but suddenly they’re scary. Less like something from Star Wars, more like something from a nightmare. Aspen flinches, even though she knows it’s stupid.

Calum Hood isn’t immune to this, either. Aspen can hear it in his voice when he says, “Nicely done.” He’s uneasy. Even some of the scientists outside of the Hive look nervous.

Dr. Fox must press another button, because the swarm softens, retreats back into the box. “I’d like to discuss it more with you inside my office, Mr. Hood.”

Calum stands up and brushes off his suit. He doesn’t look shaken, but that doesn’t mean anything. “Excellent. Could someone show Aspen back to-”

“I can wait.” Aspen says brightly, brushing her hair back. She’s going to take a look at those drones if it kills her.

Her boss doesn’t look like he expected anything else. “Suit yourself.”

“I will!” She says as Dr. Fox shows him into the office.

As soon as the door closes, she makes a beeline for the box of robots, smiling at the scientists to show she means no harm. There are three of them now, in various states of apprehension. “You guys do great work here, I’m a huge fan. How’d you do that- with the- the aggressive Hive, or whatever?”

Aspen had thought that would be a nice icebreaker, but the scientist she’s direction her charm at just seems more nervous when she brings that up. “It was actually, um, some of Dr. Crane’s research, before he-”

“Ooh. Say no more.” That had been a scandal and a half. Well, scandal was the wrong word for it. Rather, it was a tragedy and a shame. Dr. Jonathan Crane had been working for Hood Enterprises as a researching psychologist when it came out that he had been performing unethical experiments on animals and on his own colleagues after hours. Very MKUltra. He had been fired and was now awaiting trial. This had all happened about a month or two before Aspen had gotten her job - she suspects it had a small part by scaring away some competition.

The man, dressed in a lab coat like every other schmuck in here, scratches the back of his neck and nods awkwardly. “Yeah, it was- not great for the project, I’ll say that much. But, uh, it means results, so we’ll keep getting funding. So. I’m Dr. Kaziman, by the way. Call me Nari.” He extends his hand to shake.

Aspen smiles and shakes. “Nice to meet you! I’m still Aspen.”

That usually gets a laugh, and it does now.

It turns out these guys have a lot more going on that what they’ve shown Calum, but some of it’s not ready, or it’s mostly just experimental. Once she explains her scientific background, they only take a little pressing to show her what they’re personally proud of. One of the engineers shows her one of his self-folding origami models - he hopes it could be useful for space travel, or some sort of biomedical shit, but right now he’s just trying to figure out how to make a little folded piano.  The main programmer lets her look at the code for the Hive, which she adores but absolutely cannot understand. It’s not long until Mr. Hood re-emerges from the office, but by the time he does Aspen’s feeling just a little bit better.

He doesn’t say much of anything, just nods at her to follow as he gives a stiff wave to Dr. Fox. Aspen follows with a much more cheerful “goodbye!” Mr. Hood doesn’t say anything until they reach the elevator, and even on the way up he’s silent until Aspen decides to speak up.

“Thanks for letting me tag along. I hope I didn’t get in your way or anything.” She says, with her very best trustworthy grin.

He returns the smile, thankfully enough. “Not at all. You really enjoyed that.”

It is so not a question. “Well, yeah, cutting-edge technology... it’s so cool, what those guys are doing, sir. You can’t expect me not to get excited.”

Aspen thinks she hears a chuckle. “Autonomous swarm.” He repeats, running a hand through his hair.

“Autonomous swarm! And the voice synthesizer, and- like, it’s not my field and all, but I loved it.” She shrugs, pleased. “Oh, also your reservation at the Cactus Club with Mr. Lord is in half an hour.”

The elevator dings for their floor. “Thank you, Aspen.” Says Mr. Hood, stony-faced again, and he leaves as soon as the door is open. It’s abrupt enough to give her pause before she exits the elevator. It sounds like a dismissal.

Well, alright.

Maybe he just doesn't like Mr. Lord?

Aspen doesn't really get a lunch break that day. Mr. Hood gets her to make an appointment with the Mayor and also draft an email, and being on hold all that time decimates her chances at sneaking down and seeing her friends. She's back to miserable, and she sees Liam walk past her to the elevators with a smirk.

Things stagnate again.

It’s 4:30 when she calls Mr. Hood in his office to remind him of his fitting, and it says a lot about what she’s doing that that’s the most exciting thing that happens after her non-existent lunch. Mr. Hood says he’s a bit busy but he’ll do his best, and she says something vaguely respectful how it said it was very important in the book and not to let him be late. She’s still got to prove herself, after all.

At 4:45 she’s anxious to go and makes a few phone calls, just to look like she’s working a little while longer. Maybe she likes having a little control over this, too. She’s been following Mr. Hood all day, and it’s about time he had to stick to her schedule, and oh, it says at 5:26 she has to get home and immediately lie facedown on the couch for three hours. That’s non-negotiable.

She generously gives him until 5:01 to come out of his office. He doesn’t, so she knocks on the door and is already pushing it open when he says “come in”. “This appointment was underlined four times, sir.” She says, by way of explanation.

“You do good work, Ms. McMichael.” He says, all resigned, as he stands up to gather his coat. “I was wondering why Alfred was outside.”

Aspen is proud of that. “Yeah, well, I do what I can. Do you want me to carry anything for you?”

Calum seems like he has to suppress a laugh. “Eager to head home?”

Yes. “No, sir, just trying to do my job.” She says, smiling, because they both know it’s a lie.

Mr. Hood gathers some papers into a briefcase and tugs his suit jacket on. Aspen, unbidden, heads over to the coathanger and brings his coat over, helping him get it over his broad shoulders. “Thank you,” he says, quiet, and before she steps away he catches her shoulder and gives it a squeeze, just for a second. “You’ve done so well today.” He says, as he lets her go. “You should be proud.”

Aspen smiles. It’s nice to hear her terrifying boss say she did well. Of course, that doesn’t explain why the hair on the back of her neck is standing up, but she’ll deal with that later. “Thank you. Sir.” She adds, almost entirely on her own.

Calum Hood doesn’t look so scary when he’s smiling like that. “Thank you. And go home! Get some rest. Busy days ahead.”

Yes. “I’ll see you tomorrow, sir.” She smiles brightly as he leaves his office. As soon as she hears the elevator ding she catches her breath, runs a hand through her hair.

Well.

Aspen doesn’t know if she likes that Mr. Hood didn’t go out himself when he noticed the car - he waited for her to get him, instead. He’s probably a little spoiled. Plus everything is a test, she’s pretty sure. Even- that look he gave her as he left, the one she’d call tender if she didn’t know better, that was probably a test too. It’s done now, though, and she waves goodbye to Liam and Janice as she heads out.

Aspen’s first day was… not uneventful. But fuck if it couldn’t have been a lot worse. She expected to royally fuck up, get screamed at, to be sent back to the lab in disgrace. To be completely honest, she’s not sure if she’s pleased about that; sure, seeing Hood Tech was nice and all, but she sort of missed wearing a lab coat. Plus, Mr. Hood… he’s impossible for her to get a read on.

Unfortunately for her, she’s tenacious in nature, which means she wants to see how this all plays out. The pay is good, too, especially for the amount of work she does.

Whatever.

She’s going to eat her body weight in pizza when she gets home.

[cloneslugs]

oh fuck u sent me multiple so demo/engie/medic/scout and also u can do the one i already sent

ty i love you

Demo

favorite thing about them

he’s super fun!!! but also really smart and caring and just an all around cool dude he’s like B) !

least favorite thing about them

this isnt about him personally lol but like official stuff(comics) lighten the fuck out of his skin and its like. dont

favorite line

i didnt even see this question when i first did this wtf but uh all his “i love you” esque lines are really excellent

brOTP

exclusing soldier lol!!! probably sniper or engie!!

OTP

soldier :’)

nOTP

besides scout & pyro & just like. looking at just the mercs no one really demo deserves love

random headcanon

he likes turtles a lot & just reptiles/amphibians in general just in a kinda neat/favorite animal type way nothing special, he gets around with engie and sniper and they all get drunk and they talk about cryptids, he has a super big heart he loves love, outside of the battlefield he’s pretty apprehensive and cautious moreso than lots of the others at least, he doesnt push himself to be it often just bc he doesnt like leaderly positions but he defo has one of the more valid voices of reason amongst all of them, he loves to help and just listen to people he’s always ready to offer you a drink and take a load off and just talk things out & he’s super chill and easy to talk to anyway, he comes off as really lazy but he can jump up and make do when he needs to

unpopular opinion

idk whats considered popular or not on here lol but like!! he’s not just stupid silly drunk man he’s actually got heart and is pretty intelligent & like probably one of the better off mercs if he wanted himself to be

song i associate with them (this is literally the worst question im so bad at this if i dont have lots n lots of searching time and also i forget all music ever)

cheap thrills - sia

favorite picture of them (sorry 4 bg edits im doing what i have on hand lol)

hes so fucking happy i love you!!!

Engie

favorite thing about them

he’s my fucking husband he makes my heart fucking soar!!! he’s a quiet little sweetheart and he’s just really smart and nice and has morals iusdahui

least favorite thing about them

fucking nothing you animals 

favorite line

all his fucking nerdy engineering lines are so fucking good ;____; he’s so smart and passionate god“i love engines! pinion shafts! flanges. mitigating shock loads. but most of all: i love winnin’!” “they won’t know what hit ‘em! though it’ll likely to be bullets. statistically speaking” theres more but im like ;___; just thinking about him ah

brOTP

medic babey!!!!!! i have a thing for shitty best friends that tire each other out (especially on one side) but love each other at the end of the day and are just ride or diepyro also but for completely different reasons :-)

OTP

spy is fucking excellent -.- dont @ me

nOTP

soldier lol (excluding pyro & scout)

random headcanon

i think all the mercs are autsitic but engie is one of my fucking fav ahhhhh, he and medic info dump for hours especially where their special interests overlap and it gets really boring if youre not one of them lol, he loves learning but he hated school so much ):, he has pretty bad anxiety but only under certain circumstance, he’s kinda jealous that spy gets to automatically be seen as a paternal figure bc of scout and he kinda wishes he could settle in like that but he also doesnt think he’d be very good at it for a very prolonged amount of time, he loves math!!!! he loves numbers a lot he associates it with lots of fun and colors and just !!!!! wow wow!!, he has really really really high empathy when it comes to machines and stuff, he loves dogs especially smaller ones, he really loves to fidget w/ tools and stuff bc he always has one on hand and theres lots you can do with some of them, he’s really lazy and has a hard time applying himself sometimes

unpopular opinion

the comics really brush him aside i need to see him more please for the love of god he’s just as interesting as anyone else also fat engie is the only valid engie & also soldier/engie is fucking forced and weird idk where it comes from except they wear hats lol & also people call engie short but if you dont make him 5′00 give or take 3 inches youre doing it wrong and i cant stand by it

song i associate with them

this is like. also a soldier song for me lol but Here I Dreamt I Was An Architect - the decemberists

favorite picture of them

ms pauling and medic!! his buddies :) also i just love the shadowboxers art

his fly costume makes me so ;___; i love you little man

also i hate to default to beard engie but this is literally the sexiest man alive

Medic

favorite thing about them

i have a thing for shitty men with halfway decent hearts but are trying(sometimes) okay like okay he’s so chaotic and bad but ;___; i love you

least favorite thing about them

this mostly applies to his Meet the vid but he comes off as really apathetic and cruel? i think in everything else he comes off as a bit nicer if not absentminded and not too socially aware which is :)

favorite line

bro when he warns heavy about that gun in the comix? gay rights U__U also the like “you can take the brain out of the criminal and put it in a pumpkin, but you cant take the criminal out of the brain in the pumpkin” or whatever shit sir i love you

brOTP

engie baby!!!! i also really like spy & sniper bc im weak for shitty support relationships i think med just works really good w/ everyone really in some way

OTP

heavy baby!!!

nOTP

all of the mercs are fine (excluding the usual lol) but like cHeavymed people are freaks die

random headcanon

he has really poor eating & sleeping habits he almost relies on everyone else to keep him alive, he’s autistic & he’s jewish but not really practicing, he pulls & tugs on things when he’s stressed, he’s actually really smart medically he just doesn’t like showing it/messing w/ people (it makes some of the smarter mercs nervous lol), when he gets bored & has nothing to play with he digs for drama he loves to start unnecessary arguments that have no value whatssoever, he’s scared of dogs, he only trusts sniper & maybe heavy to handle his birds if he were to die, heavy & archimedes are like mega comfort objects(?) for him !!, he’s kinda really bad at showing he likes/cares for people, this goes especially hard on engie ):, he has a really big sweet tooth, he cant cook, he doesnt ever censor himself and can be pretty rude, he’s an open book and has no sense of integrity, he got super attached to heavy right off the bat for seemingly no reason and it was just super awkward lol, he gets distracted really easily and drops projects too often when he gets bored/forgets, his room is a mess he doesnt know how to do chores, he’s trans and hasnt done anything to medically transition but he handles everyone on team who is 

unpopular opinion

he’s not a fucking sociopath lol like he has a heart and cares he just has a hard time differentiating right from wrong and doesnt think things out i love you

song i associate with them

this is my emo music time i keep changing this but im gonna go It Was A Swift Not A Swallow - Crywank

favorite picture of them

i cant pick between these two he’s saving his fucking boyfriends life & also the 2nd he just looks so peaceful and :)

Scout

favorite thing about them

he’s a sweet boy!!! he just wants friends and he’s stuck with a bunch of middle aged men we have to love his endurance also he’s a little baby faced menace i love you

least favorite thing about them

in the canon i ignore lol.. too straight we cant have that

favorite line

all his lines talking about how the group of them are all best friends and stuff??? i love that

brOTP

sniper !!!! also spy also everyone

OTP

no one really lol pyro is like. the only one im comfy w/

nOTP

sniper lol if we’re talking popular things & all the rest of the mercs really

random headcanon

he’s a super sweet boy who loves everyone on the team, he warmed up the fastest out of all of them and became super attached!!, he really wants a base dog, he really likes to spend time with everyone and listen to them talk like he loves sitting with engie and having him explain nerdy engineering nonsense that he’ll never get but he tries to but its just fun seeing how excited the other person is!!!, he became super close to sniper right off the bat for some reason which is weird bc scout can talk forever and sniper doesn’t know how to hold a conversation for more than 5 minutes but they like hanging out even if it gets tiring, he lives off of sugary drinks medic keeps telling him to stop, he loves to hang out w/ spy and they get on each others nerves but really enjoy it at the end of the day, he has little to no sense of boundaries, he loves to give hugs!!, he really tries to engage with everyone’s interests like i said he just loves making/seeing other people happy, he loves being part of big groups it always just feels like a big family to him

unpopular opinion

he gay :)

song i associate with them

the calculation - regina spektor

favorite picture of them

trans rights!!!

Soldier

favorite thing about them

he is a sweetheart he is my big stupid husband and we both love raccoons =.=

least favorite thing about them

the patriotism……  we arent having that

favorite line

he’s literally so fucking funny especially all his things w/ merasmus and just. everything

brOTP

excluding demo uh !!! SPY!!!! :D

OTP

demo :)

nOTP

engie x.x

random headcanon

he’s super sweet !!! he loves his friends so much, he loves to show off his raccoons to everyone :), he bonds w/ sniper over wildlife(raccoons), everyone has a lot of patience w/ him bc he struggles to communicate things a lot and kinda needs his time to get points across, he’s actually really observant and it would be really good if he just didnt jump to wild conclusions based off of it all the time, he’s really conscious of his actions and how they affect others like he’s kinda violent impulsively but hes taken note of who is and isnt okay with it or who’s okay w/ him saying what in front of them, he’s really protective of his friends!!! he knows theyre capable but he loves looking out for them, he loves to drag them off on fitness expeditions/training but he tires out before a good number of them/gets bored, he wakes up the earlies he loves the mornings, he can cook but nobody knows it, like scout he loves to indulge in what other people like but he’s more handson he loves to screw in screws for engie or hand medic tools or read out loud to spy or heavy or show sniper things he catches/turn over rocks with him, he loves medics birds but doc wont let him touch them ):, he wants to get a base dog too, he has no volume or tone control, probably the best hugger, he’s kinda shy about personal things like himself in general or being trans & liking guys he’s actually pretty decent at keeping personal things to himself not that he wouldnt share it just feels weird, 

unpopular opinion

he’s not just like shouty mean stupid man,,, he’s actually really sweet 

song i associate with them

rejoice- AJJ 

favorite picture of them

i have worse naked honey pics but this is fucking it lads gay rights

[uniformbravo]

“quick” life update while i wait for my ipod to charge

(do ppl even still use ipods in this day & age. whats spotify)

i never made any posts abt it but i started the new semester & im taking 2 classes, it’s funny actually bc i waited even more til the last minute than i usually do to figure out my classes & spent the 1st week of school trying to see a counselor to find out if i still needed classes and that’s a whole other story for a whole other day but long story short the answer was no but i decided to take a couple anyway

mainly because every time im not in school The Depression takes over & i just needed something to Do so im taking intermediate painting (even tho painting 1 made me want 2 die every day) and animation (even tho i’ve already decided i don’t want to be an animator????)

so heres the thing, okay, since these are classes i don’t need in order to fill any requirements or anything i had to pick them based on nothing, really, like my main reason for taking classes this semester was to give myself something to do, right. i picked painting because my friend had told me she was taking it so i was like yo i’ll just do that too bc we had fun last time & it’s a good way to stay in contact. originally that was gonna be my only class bc i knew it’d be a lot of work and time but then i talked to my school’s art counselor about transferring to another school after im graduated from here and i’d said i was maybe interested in storyboarding so we looked at schools with animation programs and i decided super last minute to just take the animation class here and Boy what a mistake

last semester i was talking on here about a computer art class i had considered taking but dropped bc it seemed kinda... shitty?? because i hated the way the teacher taught and i felt like i wasn’t gonna gain anything from the class??? well animation is taught by the same guy and hhhhhhhhh he’s so fucking unhelpful it’s such a nothing class

see i was hoping to learn some hand-drawn animation basics like timing, squash & stretch, the fucking bouncing ball assignment, shit like that, right. the teacher was like “today we’re gonna go over the 12 principles of animation” and i was like “sweet i’ve heard of that this’ll be good” & literally he brought up a list, read off most of the names, briefly described a few, and told us to google it if we wanted more info like?? holy shit dude????? thanks for nothing oh my god

i’ve been taking a lot of time practicing animating in flipnote studio on my 3ds and watching youtube videos and i’ve been learning so much more from that than anything explained by my teacher bc godddd. basically what the class boils down to is like. flash animation. so far we’ve been working in adobe illustrator and animate & i cannot stand illustrator. i know it’s a good and useful program and if i wanted to i could learn how to use it & eventually get used to it but just the way he teaches it makes me want 2 slam dunk my computer

the computer art basics class was strongly recommended to be taken before this class but tbh i don’t even think that’s the issue here because i tried to take that class and his method was the same; he does a demo on screen that you’re supposed to follow along and do with him and he explains what hes doing as he goes but he goes so fast that if u miss a step ur fucked 

and it’s not just that he goes fast, it’s also that theres no understanding of the program itself, like ok u know how in math there’s all these formulas where if u just plug numbers into them it gives u the right answer? i always understood formulas better when i knew what each variable stood for & why the values were being added or multiplied together because then it made it easier to extract the information i needed from word problems and also helped me memorize the formulas themselves easier because i could make those associations between numbers and purpose. i had the groundwork of the formula, so i could apply it to all kinds of situations

this class is like, he only gives you the very specific formulas required to accomplish very specific tasks in the programs so i can’t make the connections to figure out how to perform other tasks and i get super lost every time & it’s super frustrating & i could ask for help because he comes around and helps people who need it but i sit in the back corner so he never really even looks my way so i feel like i can’t get his attention w/o speaking up or getting up to go get him & i get lost so often that it’s really just a pain to ask him every single time

i just hate when i have a problem in one of the programs & i just have absolutely no clue how to fix it or even work around it? im used to photoshop and illustrator is just so opposite that my brain doesn’t want to work with it so im. 100% floundering in this class

we have 2 assignments during the whole semester, the first was a group project where we hand draw a 3-second animation (~30 frames) and that was literally the very first thing we did in the class with no prior guidance and honestly i suspect that the only reason he assigns it is to fill the requirement for a group project (which i know is a thing bc a lot of my past teachers have talked about it being a thing) so it was literally just. a nothing project

the second assignment is our final which is a 90-second animation (~1080 frames) and we have basically the rest of the semester to work on it, so about a month and a half-ish? and all we’ve learned how to do so far is motion tweening in animate, basically. i mean we did a ball-and-string thing which was kind of different but it mostly involved a lot of copy+paste bullshit in illustrator & also like automatic shortcuts & stuff, there was really no drawing involved at all

also it’s one of those classes where everyone just kind of messes around and does their own thing like?? i saw one girl reading manga on her computer & these two dudes at my table were comparing yugioh cards & i hear like 50 thousand conversations about anime every day & i mean im not one to talk tbh but it’s just the atmosphere, it feels like u either know what ur doing or u just fuck around w/ ur friends and im in the “neither of those” category and the girl who was reading manga is in the “both” category bc every other time i’ve looked over there she’s got this amazing masterpiece on her screen that she made in illustrator & i die inside every time what the fuckkc 

he showed us examples of final projects from last semester and i noticed that some of them were done traditionally or in programs that were obviously not illustrator so i asked him about it & he said it doesn’t have to be done in illustrator/animate as long as it’s 90 seconds long so Guess What i think i’m just gonna make it somewhere else lmaooo i mean i feel like it’s a missed opportunity bc i have these programs at my disposal & im not even using them but god amn. god fuckign damn

im thinking of animating it in flipnote bc that’s what i’ve been using & im pretty familiar with it by now but im not sure because there are some important things im not sure i’ll be able to accomplish with it like backgrounds (which are another requirement for the assignment) and i don’t want to back myself into a corner, especially with how little time i have to do it, so idk for sure. my other idea was to use clip studio paint but i have the pro version which only lets u use 24 frames per animation which totals out to a whopping 2 seconds so idk if i want to have to deal with that bullshit either. right now im considering making the rough animation in flipnote so i can figure out the timing & shit and then slapping it into clip studio to finalize everything (or technically i could even do that in photoshop, since im more familiar w/ it & can probably work faster there- from photoshop it’d be a matter of copying the finished frames into clip studio to export into 2-second clips & then compile those in movie maker & then bam finished animation)

so!!! it’s a lot of shit im dealing with in this class & im just like. if im doing it this way then why do i even need to show up for class. what am i even in this class for im just basically making an animation on my own time with my own resources using none of the techniques taught in the class. im only doing this animation because it’s an assignment for the class im not gaining anything from. it just seems so pointless & the only thing getting me through it is the thought that i could possibly put this in a portfolio somewhere down the line, and for that i’d want it to look nice and not rushed so im thinking that for the sake of finishing the assignment i might just use my rough animation so that i can spend more time on the “nice” version afterward

aaaanyway it’s um Late for me & i went on about this for too long but i needed to get it off my chest tbh, i’ve been thinking abt making this post for like 2 weeks so there u go. i didn’t even talk about my painting troubles good lord. if you’ve been wondering why i havent been online as much lately This is why. also bc im a huge loser and 100% of my free time has been going into watching anime bye

[90sgrungewriter]

5. Untitled - Eddie Vedder

You woke the next morning with a small headache. You thanked god it wasn't too bad. You would just pop an advil before heading to work. You turned to see the clock read 10:26 AM.

FUCK! You were over two hours late! You flew out of bed and quickly noticed that Eddie was still sleeping on you couch, snoring softly. You took a moment to study his facial features, because you wouldn't get caught doing it if he was asleep.

Since when the fuck did you get so creepy?

His chest rose and fell, and for some reason made you feel very calm. It was quiet in your apartment, besides his light snores. His mouth was partially opened, and the crease between his eye brows was gone. He looked at peace, and for some reason, it also made you feel the same way. After a few minutes of mentally fighting with yourself, you thought, fuck it. You weren't even going to show up to your class today. Something you had never done yet, so not feeling as guilty as you probably should. You mentally high fived yourself for being such a good student.

"Dani?" You heard a small voice. That pulled you out of your thoughts to notice that you were still staring at Eddie, and he had woken up.

Great. Still caught in the act after all. Your silence and facial expression must've made it look like something was wrong. Eddie sprung up from his position to sit upright, blanket still half around his legs.

"Are you okay? Do you want me to leave? I ca-"

"No, uh..sorry I uh-" you didn't know what to say. You were just caught staring at some very sexy dude you barely know who spent the night sleeping on your couch. Thinking about it like that made it sound even more weird.

"I slept through my class. I'm two and a half hours late." you rocked back and forth gently on your feet.

Eddie's mouth formed a small O shape in realisation. He peaked at the clock hanging on your wall.

"Shit, are you gonna go now?" He questioned, removing the blanket from his legs to stand up. It was then you noticed he stood at least a foot taller than you. But that wasn't hard to do.

"No, nope. Fuck it, I say." You tore your eyes away from his and looked around your apartment. "I've never missed a class since I've started my courses. I think I can afford to miss a day."

He nodded, unsure of what to say or do at this point.

"Uh- I can make us some breakfast?"  you questioned heading toward the kitchen.

"Oh, you don't have to..I don't want to trouble you. Thanks for letting me sleep on your futon." You locked eyes again as you turned to look at him as he spoke. You nodded.

"Anytime man. Don't feel like you have to rush off y'know...unless you want to go, then thats fine to-"

"Maybe we could just go out?"

Huh? Your look of confusion must have sent him a clue and he quickly spoke up.

"Breakfast! We could uh...just go out for breakfast." He tore his eyes away and glued them to the ground.

"Good idea. If you thought my cooking was bad, you're right. It is." No point in fibbing. You were always a shit cook. You didn't want Ed to go just yet...

He laughed lightly and nodded his head. It was quiet for a few moments when his eyes darted quickly from your eyes down, and up again. For a minute, you thought 'fuck yeah he totally checked me out!' but then you realized you were still in your pj's. They had little donuts with smiley faces on them and a black t shirt. Not to mention you weren't wearing a bra. You wanted to crawl away (n brush away loose grounds... lol sorry had to) and die. Yup.

"I'm obviously not gonna go like this, and DON'T tell Stone I have these, he'll never let me live it down." You would be mortified. He laughed and held his hands up in defense.

"Alright, I won't tell a soul." He promised.

You quickly ran back to your room to change quickly. You were pretty hungry, and you were sure he was too, so you didn't want to make him wait around long.

You changed into a pair of old high waisted jeans, and paired it with a cream colored sweater that you tucked inside your jeans. You ran your fingers through your short hair so you didn't look like you woke up from a very good night before...

You opened the door to find him waiting there patiently.

"Alright I'm good to go." You grabbed your purse from the living room table and laced up your boots at the same time as Eddie.

You two were out the door, but when you stepped outside, you realised you didn't know where you's would go.

"Any place in mind?"

"You act like I've been here for more than 3 weeks." He said jokingly. You mentally slapped yourself. Duh.

"Touche. Definitely hanging around Stone too much." You laughed bumping his arm with your shoulder.

"I'll give you that one." He looked around the not so busy street.

"I know a place. Not far from here, never been but Sean swears by there breakfast burritos." You explained.

"Breakfast burritos?" He quirked his brow. Damn, that was cute.

"Mhm. Come on, I'll lead the way!" you saluted.

When you guys entered the small diner, there wasn't too many people. Which was nice.

You took a seat at a table, as a waitress came forth and gave you some menus.

"Drinks for anyone?" She asked, looking at you first.

"Just a coffee please." You thanked her.

"Make that two." Ed was observing the small diner. She nodded and left our table.

"So breakfast burritos?" He asked quizically.

"Breakfast burritos." You laughed. The waitress came back with our coffees and took our orders. She seemed nice, and was a pretty girl. It was cool that she had respect and wasn't hitting on Eddie either. Some faith in humanity was restored that day.

A few moments of silenced had passed, neither of you really knowing what to say. You cleared your throat, as he looked everywhere but at you.

Whenever you locked eyes, it was probably the funniest thing ever. Why? You weren't so sure. Maybe the moment, the situation. You were both so awkward with eachother that from an outsiders perspective, this was probably funny and cringy as fuck. Soon, the two of you were giggling like mad.  He had such a whimsical laugh, and it made your heart beat so fast and made you terrified at the same time. You couldn't remember the last time you felt this way, or if you had even ever felt this way before. Whatever the hell he was doing to you, it could not happen. Not right now. He broke things off with his girlfriend like two days ago. Even though he tried to play it off cool, you knew that she had meant something to him. Seven years is a long fucking time to be with someone you didn't really care about. There was no way he was interested in you like that, not right now. But you couldn't deny the attraction being present in the air. You weren't sure if  he felt it too.

You tried to stifle your laughter to speak. "Yeah, this is awkward isn't it?" You just decided to voice it now, because things probably couldn't get any more awkward. He nodded, our laughters dying down now.

"A bit." He shrugged his shoulders and looked down, tearing his eyes away from your own.

Within the next few moments, your waitress came back with your burritos. You thanked her, and looked at Eddie to find him staring down at the burritos. You giggled, and he looked up at you.

"The moment of truth!" You spoke as he grabbed the burrito in his hands. He took a bite, and the look on his face was priceless.

"Fuck." He said with a mouthful of food. Cute.

"Yeah, thats what I thought." You dug in to your own plate of food.

After that, things seemed to take a turn for the better. You talked about a lot of things, you rarely saw your mom as she moved to Cincinnati with her ex-boyfriend, (you knew that because she called you like, twice a year) which was fucking stupid and you wished she'd just fuck off and not call at all. The only thing she would do is talk about how things were going for her anyway. You told him how your father passed away when you were very young, and you talked to him about your art. He told you the story of his father, which was the inspiration of the song on the demo. You learned he loved to surf, and used to be in a Chili Peppers cover band. You laughed at that. He also told you about some of his friends from San Diego. The conversation was definitely flowing a lot better than it was and before you knew it, you were walking back to your apartment.

"So she looks to Jeff and just lets it rip man, I've never seen a guy get so roasted before. It was hilarious. I felt kinda bad but it was just funny at the time." Eddie was in fits of laughter over one of your high school party stories. Not that you had that many though. Stone and Jeff definitely went to more than you did.

"Wow, poor guy. She just walked in at the wrong time, huh." You nodded in agreement. The two of you turned up your street and you could see the infamous truck parked in front of your building. You wondered who it was. Maybe the guys thought Eddie got kidnapped last night or something. Or worse...they would tease you about getting laid or something. The poor guy was gonna be so red in the face by the time this confrontation was over, and you knew felt bad for him. Things would be pretty awful for you too though.

"Alright Ed, listen up." You pointed to truck and he nodded slowly.

"Thats Jeff's truck, right?"

"Yes it is. Now they're probably here looking for you. I mean, you didn't go home last night so...their feeble minds are probably going to assume we got laid or something" His expression became slightly worried, eyes darting down to your lips for half a second once again. You wished he would stop. It was making you feel things. "Just don't take anything they say personally. They know I wouldn't do that, and I'm sure they know that you wouldn't want to sleep with me anyway." You joked, laughing and punched his arm lightly. "They're just going to try to be funny. Don't worry about it." You reassured him.

"Yeah, I could see that happening. Alright, I'll be prepared." He smiled, his face turning a light shade of pink.

Things were definitely not as awkward and you could for sure say you knew him a lot better than before. He didn't seem to be as quiet or shy around you as much anymore, and there were less and less moments of silence.

The both of you made it up to your apartment. Opening the door you find Stone, Jeff and Mike sitting on your couch. Stone is the first to spring up from his seat as he heard the door being opened. Before you could even enter your apartment, he was already shouting.

"Dani! Eddie didn't come home last night and we think he might not be okay, like where would he have even spent -" Stone stopped mid sentence seeing Eddie trail behind me. His expression went from that of shock, to contorted in distaste.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me." He sounded...mad? Thats not what you expected. You thought he was thinking you got lucky, congratulate you and tease you about it. You were pretty confused at this point.

Jeff stood and gently patted Stone on the back, but all he could do was stare at you. You were so fucking confused. You turned to look at Eddie whom had a confused look on his face too.

"How could you Dani? To me-to us? Why would you go sleep with hi-" You could NOT believe what you were hearing? What the fuck? You cut him off before he could finish.

"Stone, what the fuck are you talking about, us? What does that even mean? First of all, I did not sleep with Eddie." Eddie shook his head.

"Second of all, who are you to tell me who I can and cannot sleep with? Last I checked, you were my best fucking friend, Stone not my guardian." You were pissed. You could practically see fumes seeping out of his ears. Then, he fucking said it.

"Because I'm in fucking love with you! Can't you see that? Don't be so blind. I'm tired of pretending." He spat, and made his way over to the door. He swung it open and left your apartment.

Huh?

You didn't know what to say, or do. You just kinda stood there, trying to process this information. The guys were...right? Eddie was right... One of your best friends was in love with you, but you didn't feel the same way. How could you tell him that? It would surely hurt him, and thats not what you wanted to do. You wanted to make him happy but from the means of a friend. You were lost in conflict and started to feel a bit sick.

"I need to sit down." Your eyes fell to the ground and you slowly made your way over to your couch. You felt an arm slide around your shoulder to assist in leading you to the couch. It was Eddie. Once you sat down, he sat on the small coffee table across from you. Jeff sat to your left, and to his left, Mike. Jeff put a comforting hand on your knee and spoke up.

"So, what happend last night then?" He spoke, eyes darting between the both of you.

"Shouldn't one of us go after him? Make sure he's okay?" Your tone was filled with worry, completely dodging his question.

"Stone will be fine. He'd probably rather be alone for a little while." Mike stated, looking at you with concern.

"When I had got here Eddie left. I thought he was going home and I heard it start to pour rain outside, my window was open so I went close it. I seen Eddie standing at the old Mac's across the road. It didn't look like it was going to stop rainig anytime soon and it didn't." Eddie was nodded his head, confirming the events. "I didn't want him to get sick because you guys need him on that stage. So I asked him to sleep on the futon. Look, his fucking pillow and blanket is still there." You pointed over to it, as Jeff nodded his head slowly, understanding.

"I believe you. I was kinda hoping, y'know...but, whatever." He shrugged his shoulders, a playful smile on his lips. You punched his shoulder.

"What about Stone, you guys. How long have you known? What am I supposed to do? He's my best friend I dont want to hurt him. But I just...I don't...uh-" Miked interrupted you.

"Feel the same way?" You nodded. It was quiet for a few moments, until Jeff spoke up.

"He'll be okay. Just talk to him. It's gonna be hard at first but he'll come to terms and move on. Might take a while, but it'll happen. We've known for years." Years?!

"Stone will understand. As long as he still has you in his life, I think thats the most important thing to him." Mike encouraged.

"Thanks guys." You gave them a small smile.

"So where were you guys coming from? And hey, didn't you say you had a class today?" Mike asked.

"Yeah I skipped it. Woke up late." They looked at you like you had a second head.

"I know, I know. I never do that which is why I don't feel so guilty."

They laughed. "You always were a trooper." Jeff joked.

"So we were coming back from breakfast. I changed his world with breakfast burritos." You pointed to Ed and he smiled.

"Its true, those things were fucking delicious." He spoke truthfully. Everyone laughed. 

“Well, we should probably get going. I gotta work in an hour.” Jeff stated as he looked at the clock.

“Alright, I’ll see you sometime soon, okay?” You stood and gave him a tight hug, and he rubbed your back comfortingly. 

“Don’t think too much about this Stone thing, alright? He’ll be okay, just give him some time.” You nodded, letting go.

“I’ll go find him. I’ll call you later and let you know how he is, that sound good?” Mike said as he came to hug you too. 

“Thanks, Mikey.” You were so happy to have these guys in your life.

“You two have fun now! But not too much fun...” Jeff winked and slammed the door shut before you could even scold him.

You snorted. “What a bunch of buffoons.” Ed laughed, standing up from his seat on the coffee table.

“I’m sorry you had to be here to witness that..”You apologized, not meeting his gaze. 

“For what? You did nothing wrong.”

You debated what to say next. “I just...I don’t know. Stuff like this doesn’t usually happen to me and I don’t know what to do..” You trailed off. You sat back down on your couch, and covered your face with your hands. You sighed deeply. You felt the couch seep in beside you, signalling Eddie had taken a seat. It was quiet for a few moments.

“Maybe do something to occupy your mind?” He suggested. “Maybe try doing some of your art.”

You thought about it for a moment, it probably would make you feel better, but you didn’t want to be alone. That was for sure. Then, you thought of something.

“Paint with me?” 

[83gigsof90semocore-blog]

Post 4: The letter C

Welcome back! It sure wasn't yesterday, how have you been? I'm fine thanks, been a little busy myself and had to put this project on the backburner as you can probably tell. I alluded to being really busy in the last post and that's been pretty much true for all of the past year. Luckily, things are looking a bit better up ahead so I might actually start posting regularly soon!

Much has happened outside of the blog too. I toyed with the idea of moving this beuat over to blogspot (where all the real emo blogs are anyway) when it looked like tumblr was self-destructing for a hot minute. But in the end cooler heads prevailed and it looks like tumblr is just gonna keep existing albeit with less popularity. In the emo world, 125, Rue Montmartre, the first band I covered about a year ago are releasing their discography on vinyl and are now on spotify. All thanks to my blog, I'm sure. Don't be fooled by my modest follower count

I actually have quite a few prestigious readers. Most notably perhaps being Prof. Anders Ahlén, a man important enough to have his own wikipedia page.

C has been the longest letter so far by far clocking in at a mighty 6.56 GB as opposed to the average of 2.8. I've been listening to it in phases with sometimes a month or more in between so it hasn't really been a coherent experience. It has been a real slog though, which is part of why I gave up several times. This has also been a letter with a great number of "famous" emo bands. Because part of the purpose of this listening experience is to experience 90's emo "as it was" rather than colored by nostalgia or what is deemed worthy of attention by the internet discourse I'm disqualifying bands that are prominent in the emo canon from best name, song or image. I will however still do a quick write up on them for those of you not as familiar with emo, chances are I'll reference them in the future so do take notes.

Emo classics

Cap'n Jazz

It's almost impossible to tell the story of 90's emo without Cap'n Jazz. Among their members they have Tim Kinsella, who would later go on to play in Joan of Arc and Owls, his brother Mike Kinsella who would later play in American Football as well as Owls, Their/They're/There and Owen and also Davey von Bohlen who would later play in the Promise ring. When they formed in '89 they where just a bunch teenagers, Mike being just 12. They released their first album 6 years later which goes by the title Burritos, Inspiration Point, Fork Balloon Sports, Cards in the Spokes, Automatic Biographies, Kites, Kung Fu, Trophies, Banana Peels We’ve Slipped on, and Egg Shells We’ve Tippy Toed Over, but is simply referred to as Schmap'n Schmazz by fans. Most of the lyrics where supposedly written by Tim one night while high on mushrooms. They have a wonderful surreal dadaist quality to them with lines such as Hey coffee eyes, you've got me coughing up my cookie heart or You are colder than oldness could ever be. The music is chaotic and full of a warm messy energy. I am personally absolutely enamored with their cover of Aha's Take on me which I insist on putting in as many playlists where it makes some sense whatsoever. As you can hear, Tims vocals do absolutely not Morten Harkets heights (not an easy feat in Tims defense) and you can plainly hear a teenagers voice falseto-cracking and it's absolutely amazing somehow.

Cap'n Jazz really hit the spot of this awkward sensitive yet punk energy that from the start was very central to emo. Although Cap'n Jazz are a big helping sillier and more pubertal than, say, Rites of Spring.

One popular quip about the Velvet underground is the following:

The Velvet Underground didn't sell many records, but everyone who bought one went out and started a band.

I suppose Cap'n Jazz is a bit like that for emo although their presence was perhaps felt as strongest around 2010 with bands such as Snowing, Glocca Morra and in particular Algernon Cadwallader aping their style.

Christie Front Drive

I think part of the reason for Cap'n Jazz's status as a cornerstone band stems from their originality. Christine Front Drive is in contrast a very prototypical 90's emo band. They have a sound that borrows heavily from both post-hardcore and indie-rock with the slightly whiny vocals typical for the genre and era. On their song November they sing Still the same // Fucked for what you've done // Still over // Staged over // November's almost done // Still the same which I think is a nice cross section of their lyrics (most of the rest of the song are just variations on the same words with "remember" also thrown into the mix). The overall sound is slow, moody and a bit dreamy, very typical of their brand of emo. As easy as it is to find bands that sound similar to CFD, I dare say that they did it better than most and that this is what has earned them their spot in the emo cannon.

Cursive

Cursive formed in 1995 and has since been together on and off up to the present day, the drive only has music up to 2005 though. This includes their 2003 release the Ugly Organ which was released by Saddle Creek and is the only one I've heard before starting this project. By that point they had already moved away from their emo roots though, and I'm glad to finally have gotten around to their earlier stuff. The Ugly Organ is artsy, catchy and a bit baroque, but also definitely on the outskirts of emo to the point where I'd perhaps describe it as an indie/alternative album if I wasn't talking about them in the context of emo. This doesn't mean that it isn't worth a listen because it absolutely is. Their early stuff is more typical of what the rest of the drive is like with a sound more in the ballpark of CFD but much more punk, with a higher tempo and angrier vocals while still maintaining a somewhat whiny voice, introspective lyrical content and the cold, big guitar sound typical to this branch of emo.

My favorite band

Car vs Driver

So far I've generally picked bands that stand out a bit because in a long stream of relative sameness, that's what you end up paying attention to. Car vs Driver is however not one of theses bands that stand out but rather pretty typical of the emocore sound. They do it pretty well though. They are undeniably punk, but with more introspective lyrics and a slightly melodic edge, which is exactly how emo was first conceived. One some of their tracks like the featured Without A Day day even flirt a bit more with an alt-rock sound but they also have songs that are a lot more hardcore like Livid Step.

When researching them I half expected them to be a pretty substantial band that I had somehow managed to miss, but they're actually very unheard of, something which I consider to be a shame.

I did however find that the drummer of the band has a blogspot at beyondfaliure.blogstopt.com where he catalogs various bands he's been a part of. There is a collection of Car vs Driver flyers as well as two live recordings and this summary he wrote for their discography

Car vs. Driver began when I was 17 years old. By the time we played our final show, I was 19. This band was the music of my life during a period when people usually experience the greatest amount of freedom, which is what I think of whenever I listen to this music now. There were so many new experiences: living on our own, meeting new people, getting a new perspective on life. Our lifestyle in turn gave us a new perspective on expressing music, and we poured all of our energy and emotion into it. Music that now seems a world away – music from a different life. It’s hard to remember that everything about being in a band at that time was simply making a 7”, buying the cheapest van you could find, and touring the country for the summer. There was no infrastructure to build your music around, which also removed its barriers. Instead of running our band like a corporation, we played peoples living rooms and basements, engaged in kickball tournaments, made record covers out of manila envelopes, slept on top of our van, cooked pasta, and played with some of the most amazing bands in the process. Bands that epitomized the time – like Spirit Assembly, Policy of 3, Friction, Current, The Yah Mos, Assfactor 4, Frail, Hoover, Freemasonry, Scout, and Inkwell. The experience we had is something that could never be recreated, and I consider myself incredibly lucky to have been a part of that moment in time. Thank you Matt, Steve, and Jonathan for bringing this to me.

James Joyce August 2004

This compilation is dedicated to our faithful roadies Ashley Lawrence Moore and William Anthony Nation.

We froze, sweat, bled, argued, and laughed.

Amazing stuff in all, I can highly recommend clicking around their for a while if you, like me are a bit obsessed with the 90's emo scene.

My favorite band name

Christopher Robin

Christopher Robin is a screamo band that go pretty hard. The name is a funny contrast to this and the juxtaposition between childhood nostalgia and angsty screaming works really well.

My favorite picture

Featured is the cover to a demo tape by french screamo band Cather Mathra, which features songs such as Ils M'ont Oubliés (they forgot me) or Leur Révolution (their revolution). You can read more about them on psychoviolence, a blog dedicated to French punk & violence. I think that using a medieval (?) drawing for a cover is pretty cool, especially if you're a french screamo band.

Curiosly they don’t have any music on youtube, you’ll have to check out the drive if you want to listen to them. Tumblr has a limit of 5 embedded videos anyway, so that worked out nicely I suppose.

[exotahu]

The Bronycon 2017 big text post!

This is the longest thing I ever write but here is my of the 2017 Bronycon.

Lets get to it. 

Thursday:

We met at Bill's house so we could travel down in two groups, since we had too many people to fit in one car. (8 of us, Me, Andrew, Justin and Ethan in one car, Kyle, Bill, Nick and Josh in another.) We managed to pretty much stay together and stopped at the same gas station together. It was the good-hot dog speedway. They only had two left and everyone looked at me like I was crazy for wanting gas station hot dogs. I ate those two and asked if they had any more. They totally did. I intended to eat a couple more but NOPE. Everybody else decided to try the gas station hotdogs and doubled up. Oh well, it was kinda funny. The next stop was Baltimore. There was crazy construction in the city, atleast around our hotel. Slowed us down a bit. Justin really had to use the bathroom, so he jumped out of the car in still traffic and went into a nearby subway rather than waiting until we got to the hotel. As soon as he did, traffic moved, like we thought it would. It was easy to direct him from there to the hotel though. They had the special keys, but there wasn't a wifi password this year. I'm a Marriott member so I got free wifi anyway though. We hung around for a bit and went to get our badges. Went pretty quick for us basic pass holders, only like 45 minutes. Not bad at all. Deposited our con things at the hotel. Went to Dick's Last Resort. Nick decided he wanted to arm wrestle me for some reason. I won. Of course the waiter saw this so he challenged me. I lost pretty quick, he was large. Might have been better had I not planted my elbow on the goddamn laminated menu, but what can you do? The funniest part was when he brought our drinks, he brought one. Left the others at the station thingy. I got up and got just mine. Then everyone else slowly did it. It was funny. Managed to place a Pokemon on the gym there too. Didn't last that long but was nice anyway. Then we went to Fells Point. Everybody went to a ramen shop but I decided to go to the bar trot early. I was the only one to actually sign up for it in our group. The original company running the bar trot apparently closed. I didn't know there wasn't to be one until a month before, and then I noticed a new company doing it but it was definitely very last minute for them. There were only two bars participating, neither of them being the admiral, which seemed kinda lame. However the Admiral, being awesome as it as, participated ANYWAY. They had the themed drink including the Great and Powerful Trixie. Drank a fuckton of it. They also had a Pinkie Pie and Applejack themed drink that I saw. Then the bartender made a Rainbow Dash drink by combining them all. It was fuckin' awesome. We then went to the Soundgarden because apparently it's just right there and back to the hotel for bed.

 Friday:

 I got up relatively early, think I actually got almost 8 hours of sleep. Decided to bring my bad Derpy cosplay. Product of a 3$ costume store clearance wing/ear/tail set and a shirt photo transfer. I actually went to opening ceremonies because A. I woke up for it on time, B. I didn't want to just book it to the vendor hall.  It was neat, maybe I'll try to do opening ceremonies again. After that, I got to meet up with a group of people from a Scisetdaily (a really cute Sciset tumblr askblog thingy) discord server I joined, which was really cool. We hung out and ate some con food before we split off to do other things. I went to the vendor hall at this point and wandered. Bought one of the cool engraved lighters. It has Princess Luna on it. I also got some 4de plushies (Specifically Fluttershy and Trixie), a fantastic JoJo shirt and some a couple Cutie Corral plushies. Specifically the comic universe reverse world princesses. Apparently its their last year doing cons : (. Comics hadn't been set up yet so I held off on that. Then I bought an absolutely adorable Derpy playmat. Also I got to see something neat. The MyLittleTies booth had A VR demo for the occulus rift where you could wander around Ponyville. It was really cool, even though I had to take my glasses off I could still see well enough for it to be cool. And yes I totally want an occulus rift for this reason.... Sad my computer won't support it. It was sort of disorienting, but I'm sure if I used VR more, I'd get used to it. After this I went to the hotel and deposited my things and headed to the Fursuit photoshoot with a couple friends. Next was the CMC VA panel which was cool. I like the VA panels. I kinda just wandered around again after that before going back to the main hall. I was going to watch the comic creators panel, but the adjacent room had a tesla coil set up and i really wanted to watch them go. Ultimately ended up watching the tesla coils go cause I needed to charge my phone and that is where an outlet was. Caught the end of the comic panel though. I hate when two panels I want to see conflict. Ate some more con food and did a bunch of wandering. Went back to the hotel and switched to a normal shirt and prepped for bronypalooza. Hung out in the other room and played some splatoon2. Really wanted to see Vylet. His set was fuckin awesome. Other acts were really cool too. A lot more electronic music than usual for that early in the night. Then I did something different. Rather than stay at the palooza, I met up with everyone and went to the Anthology 6 panel. Fuckin hysterical. Everyone else went back to the hotel and I went back to the palooza to catch Silva Hound's set. Then went back to the hotel and went to sleep.

 Saturday: Decided last minute to bring my Chrysalis cosplay. Ran into the guy I met at an Otakon a few years back, which was cool. I went to the vendor hall first. The comic booth had a box of variant covers for 5$ each. I dropped 60$ on comics. Then I found a Madoka playmat. I also got Bill to grab a movie playmat for me when they went to the vendor hall day 1. I got like 3 mats. I mostly just wandered and observed. Saw a dakimakura that was real funny bud I didn't want to drop 100 at that time. It was a cartoon-y chrysalis laying on a fuzzy pink background and that fuzzy pink background was Fluffllepuff. Next I got to meet up with the cool people from the internet again and we went to the Kelly Sheridan and Kyle Rideout panel as one big group. I thought of a q&a question but by that point the line was to infinity and I knew there was no way, perhaps another time. Once that ended I grabbed some food and went to the crystal arena. Bill and Josh wanted to see how the game had changed and see what the game was like now. They were running a novice tournament that was 10$ you got a deck to play with and two packs and at the end. It was neat learning the game again. It sounds like it really became good. They streamlined it a lot. Went to another fursuit photoshoot. Then we went back and got ready for palooza. I stayed the entire time this time. Really liked Michelle Creber and BlackGryph0n’s set. Chilled out and sat for one of the acts with Andrew and Ethan, needed to save my legs which were super sore. It was fantastic. Got to see Garnika, he's probably my favorite of all the regular artists there. I bought one of his shirts. Although I heard this might have been his last Bronycon? Infinite sadness if thats true. This is about when Kyle and Josh showed up. I also got a message that the fire alarm went off at the hotel. Everybody there had a clusterfuck, Justin slept through it. Turns out someone was vaping or smoking or some nonsense. then Andrew and Ethan returned in time for the end of Garnika's set and Alex S. Was a great time.

 Sunday: Waking up was a bit rough since I hadnt gotten to bed until like 330-4. I wanted to go the VA panel but it was at 10 am (Goddamn who DOES that) but I was way to tired to get out of bed on time. I caught the end of it though! Then I went to the vendor hall. I was trying to avoid buying prints, but guess what. Bought so many goddamn prints. Again. Fuck. Oh well. I've tetris'd my walls before and I can totes do it again. Was trying to buy other neat things. I did too. I got a lazer etched geode slice and an edge lit acrylic pane. I really just hung out in the vendor hall with various people and looked at things. Also Nick got me a commission from an artist named Baron Engle. It's Lapis and Peridot as ponies in his style. Really fucking cool. Also bought another glass. Fluttershy this time. Was hoping one of the bands was gonna be at the Bronypalooza table but they weren't. Also had a print ordered to be shipped to me cause one of the print places printer broke. (There are certain booths that will sell art on behalf of the artists that can't be there.) Also bought a little digital nametag thing. It's pretty cool. I gotta get a cord to hook it up to the computer though. Wandered the con a little bit then deposited stuff at the hotel. We went to closing ceremonies after that. Ran into Garnika on the way there which was neat. Before it started we were playing music and everyone was just kinda goofing around. Closing ceremonies were cool. They said they were short 219 from their 33000 charity goal. So they asked the crowd if they could do that and SO MANY people got up to give them money (myself included). Turns out they made like 1200 $ They were then 10 short from 34k, and someone gave them 10$ We got our annual group photo and then headed to the Inner Harbor for some food and to play some Pokemon Go. Went to Bubba Gump's Shrimp Co. Place remains to be fucking fanstastic. Shrimpers Heaven is the best. While we waited for a table we managed to find a whole bunch of cool pokemon, Even did a Machamp raid. Found a fuckin Sandshew, Totodile and Mantine as well. Those are all things I've never seen around here ever. The Bronycon gym was blue so we couldn't do it yet decided to try later. I also evolved my first Gyrados. I decided to do it down there because that's where I essentially started my game. Went around an played some more Pokemon after dinner. The bronycon gym had changed but unfortunately the game broke real hard, we managed to get it down after a half hour of error-ing out a game crashes. Then we should have had it but it turned yellow in the clusterfuck. And no one had it in them to stand there for another half hour of broken game to beat one Blissey. We went back the next day but it had once again turned blue so we never got on it. Then we all went back to the hotel and watched the newest Rick and Morty while packing. Got our shit together and slept.

 Monday: We got up and hung out before loading vehicles. Checkout and hotel exiting was pretty easy. Decided to hang around in the inner harbor for a bit. Got lunch at an Irish pub in the pavilion. Yay for pub burgers and vodka cranberries! Then went to do a raid. A bunch of us went to get ice cream, but I went to the bigass Barnes and Noble instead. I had been looking for the Daring Do books at the con but no one had them. Barnes and Noble had one of the ones I was missing. After all that we walked back and headed out. We tried to stay together but traffic was nonsensical so it was hard. Unfortunately a rock flew up and cracked Kyle's windshield. Minor but still annoying. We  met up one last time in Wilkes-Barre at a Sheetz. I got some 2 for a dollar hot dogs and they were not good. After hanging out some they left about 15 minutes before us. We thought it'd be funny if we managed to pass them since they had such a ridiculously long head start and guess what? We totally did. It was funny. Got home after that.

 Overall:

             It was a good fucking time. Usually is. Bought some neat stuff. Got to meet some cool people from the internet. (Honestly, if any of y'all are reading this, even though it wasn't for that long at any given point you were all cool to meet and hang out with. I hope we get to again sometime.) It's honestly been a while since I've done that. It's funny, despite having done this the last 5 years, I don't feel at all burned out. Though next year, I think I'm going to do something different for my usual con photography. I'm going to shoot everything in black and white. (I accidentally left my camera in black and white mode for my first shot) I want to see how that makes things different.  

 (Also as always my memory is pretty butthole, and I essentially wrote this twice, so there might be errors and things I missed or got in the wrong order.)

[vivaciouswordsmith]

Chapter 2 already?!

Wow you guys. I could never have expected such an overwhelmingly positive response to Four-Legged Fiend. You guys seriously are the best. I’d had about two or three chapters planned out already, so expect the delays to start popping up after chapter 3. But who knows? I certainly don’t. :)

Also I absolutely based the first two chapters on my mom’s experience with her two newest kittens, Dipper and Mabel. She “fostered” them for about thirty minutes before deciding to adopt them, then spent about two weeks trying to convince my dad to let her keep them. He resisted up until Christmas.

So I guess, in a way, I have them to thank for the beginning of this story.

This is them, by the way.

And, of course, thanks to the lovely @ask-thevagabond for giving me the idea in the first place. :D

Anyway, I finished chapter 2 quicker than expected, so I’m putting it up now. As always, you can read it here or beneath the cut. Enjoy!

Chapter 2: Another Man’s Treasure

“I told you, we’re not keeping that thing!”

Jack scowled at Geoff and scooped up the pup. “He is not a thing.”

Geoff crossed his arms. “Fine. We’re not keeping him. Is that better?”

Jack huffed and left the living room. They’d returned to their home two days ago when their contacts sounded the all-clear. As it turned out, the pup was indeed old enough to eat solid food, and he’d turned into a little vacuum cleaner. Jack swore the little thing had sucked down more than double his weight in food in a matter of hours, and he ran out of canned food only two days into their stay. With his belly full, the pup grew much bolder. He stopped hiding in Jack’s lap and explored their little hideout from top to bottom. Geoff spent the whole time eyeing the pup balefully and grumbling under his breath.

He nearly flipped his lid when the pup squatted in the corner and peed all over the power cables. It took Jack nearly fifteen minutes to remind Geoff that the pup wasn’t paper trained and he didn’t deliberately target the cables to piss him off. His partner eventually relented with the promise that Jack would keep the pup out of trouble for the remainder of their stay, and would find him a good home when they returned to Los Santos.

Jack had yet to make good on the second part of that promise.

Truth be told, the pup had won him over the moment he saw that tiny skull-face peeping up at him from the depths of the garbage bag. Jack couldn’t even imagine getting rid of the little pup now. Hell, the first thing he did after getting back to Los Santos was read up on dogs and raid the nearest pet store. There was now a box in his room stuffed to the brim with dog toys, a shelf full of wet puppy food in the kitchen, a ceramic bowl covered in dog prints in the sink, several dog beds strewn about the apartment, a leash hanging beside the door, pee pads in every corner he thought the pup could reach, and an entire slew of tiny shirts and collars residing in his dresser drawer. He’d blown a sizable chunk of his cut from the heist on puppy stuff.

He didn’t regret it one bit. Especially not when he saw the little black and white baby curled up in a corner of the giant dog bed the cashier had assured him the pup would grow into one day.

God, he already had eight billion puppy photos on his phone. He was so fucked.

Jack chuckled and waltzed into the kitchen. Most of the articles he’d found online said the pup needed plenty of food to grow into a good, strong dog. The pup ate like it was going out of style, and Jack swore he’d already doubled in size. He wiggled in Jack’s arms and pushed his wet nose into his beard. His little stick of a tail wagged as soon as Jack put him on the counter and set his bowl beside him. He had half a can left over from the pup’s breakfast, which he quickly retrieved from the fridge. The pup yipped and scampered around on the counter.

“It’s coming, it’s coming.” Jack dumped the remainder of the can into the bowl, and it was immediately beset by the pup. He smacked and slurped at the food, and little bits of processed meat flew out and spattered over the counter. Jack beamed and brushed his fingers over the pup’s back. He currently wore a shirt that proclaimed I’m a Bad Boy, with a skull and crossbones beneath the text. Out of the twenty-odd shirts Jack had bought, it was currently his favorite.

“Don’t tell me you’re feeding him on the counter again.” Geoff bumped past Jack and pulled a beer from the fridge. He closed the door, retrieved a bottle opener from the utensil drawer, and popped the top off. “We make shit on that counter.”

“You know Clorox exists, right?”

“I don’t fucking care.” He chugged half the beer in one go and burped. “The fuck is he wearing, anyway?”

“A shirt?”

“Why the fuck is he wearing a shirt?”

“Cause it’s funny and he doesn’t seem to mind?”

“Who does that?!”

“Literally everyone who owns a dog?”

Geoff shook his head. “It’s weird.”

“Is it any weirder than anything else people do for their pets?”

“You know what? I’ll tell you what’s weird. His fucking face. His fucking face is weird.” Geoff pointed at the pup. “That skull face isn’t natural. Little freak.”

“Really, Geoff? Really?” Jack patted the pup’s back a few times. “You’re not a freak, are you?”

“Number nine on Los Santos’s most wanted list, everybody.”

The pup polished off his lunch and looked up at Jack. His head tilted to one side. “That’s all you’re getting until dinnertime, champ.” He put the bowl in the sink and picked the pup up again. “How about you and me go for a walk?”

“How about you and him find him a home that isn’t here?”

“I’m working on it.”

“Says the guy who bought a dog fucking t-shirts!” Geoff tramped back into the living room and flopped into a worn armchair. “I’ll find one myself if you don’t.”

“Sure. Once you convince some assholes to come work for us, you can find the pup a home.”

Geoff groaned and let his head flop back against the aging leather. “Don’t fucking remind me. I’m talking to this guy up in New Jersey right now, but it’s like pulling fucking teeth.”

“Why are you talking to a guy in New Jersey?” Jack pulled the leash and a tiny blue harness off the peg next to the front door and set the pup on the ground. He growled and ran over to Geoff’s ottoman. “Goddammit, I know you don’t like it, but you have to wear a leash when we go out!”

“He claims he’s the best demo guy in the business, and he’s job hunting at the moment, and he’s interested in joining a proper crew.”

“So what’s the problem?” Jack managed to catch the pup and wrestled him into his harness. The pup growled and spent several minutes trying to bite the straps on his shoulders.

“The problem? The problem is we’re in Los Santos and he’s in fucking New Jersey and he’s not sure he wants to relocate two thousand goddamn miles away from home!” Geoff sipped at his beer and sighed. “I’m trying to negotiate with him, but it’s looking unlikely.”

“Then find someone closer to home.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“Why not? Sounds pretty fucking simple to me.” Jack clipped the leash onto the harness and opened the door. “We’ll be back in about fifteen minutes, okay?”

“Whatever.”

The pup resisted being led by the leash right up until they left the apartment. His little ears stood up straight and he immediately ran in front of Jack. He sniffed the slimy-looking sidewalk and darted over to a beer can with several cigarette butts sticking out of the aperture. Jack tugged on the leash and pulled the pup away from the debris. God, this apartment was a shithole.

While they walked, Jack mused on what Geoff had said earlier. He’d talked for several years now about forming a proper crew, but it was only when they got back from their most recent heist that he’d seriously started looking into recruiting. Apparently he’d been pinching his pennies for quite some time so he could hire what he called “the best in the business.” He promised Jack that things would be better once they got some guys. No more squatting in holes. No more fearing the LSPD would come knocking on their door. No more drug running in the middle of the night. No more kowtowing to greasy-looking shitheads who were half as old as them. They would be the ones calling the shots. They would be the ones on top. They’d sit back sipping champagne and laugh while their underlings did the dirty work.

At least, that was Geoff’s dream. God only knew how it would turn out.

Most of the fifteen minute walk went by uneventfully, save for a few moments where Jack had to keep the pup from exploring upturned trash cans and abandoned buildings. He trotted along happily enough, which left Jack to his contemplating. Soon enough it was over and they were heading home. The little pup climbed a set of three stairs leading up into the parking lot all by himself, and looked down on Jack with what almost looked like pride.

“Good job, buddy!” The pup’s tail wagged, and warmth settled over the criminal’s insides. He scooped the pup up and carried him back into the apartment.

Geoff now snored in his worn chair, laptop still resting on his knees, though it looked dangerously close to smashing on the floor. Jack sighed and put the laptop on the coffee table. “So much for that crew thing,” he muttered. The pup looked at him and tilted his head. “C’mon, buddy, let’s go take a nap.”

When Jack woke up, the pup was not in his bed. A moment of panic flashed through him and he jumped out of his bed. He ran into the living room and glanced around several times before finally catching sight of the pup. Relief washed over him, and then he let out a soft laugh.

The pup had somehow crawled onto Geoff’s lap and fallen asleep with his legs stretched out and his muzzle buried in his partner’s knees. His sock-clad back leg occasionally twitched in time with an unseen dream, and the pup let out a tiny grunt every so often.

Jack pulled out his phone and took a few pictures. The shutter sound eventually caused Geoff to stir. He let out an incomprehensible grumble and looked down into his lap. His shoulders stiffened, and he glared at Jack.

“Don’t…fucking…say…anything.”

“Say what? I didn’t put him there.”

“This…this changes nothing! He’ll be out of here by Thursday, I swear to fucking Christ!” The pup rolled over and showed Geoff his black and white underbelly. His front paws folded up against his chest and his back paws stretched out into Geoff’s lap. His mouth opened ever so slightly, revealing the tip of a bright pink tongue. Jack’s partner swallowed and tore his eyes away. “Friday. But that’s my final offer.”

“How can you look at that and still want to give him away?”

“I don’t! I mean, I do, but – shut up. Just shut up.” Geoff shifted in his chair until he was able to grab his laptop and set it on the arm of the chair. “I’m looking up good homes for puppies right now, I swear to fucking Christ.”

“Sure you are.” Jack meandered over to the kitchen and got a beer and a bag of chips for himself. When he walked by Geoff he glanced over at his laptop screen and saw an Amazon store page full of dogs wearing little suits and hats. “We’re not keeping him, huh?”

“What? Uh, it’s not what it looks like!” Geoff alt-tabbed out of the page and quickly googled ‘dog homes’. He only became more frantic when the results were all dog houses. “I, uh, you know, guy’s gotta look his best if he’s gonna win his new family over, right?”

“Uh huh. Sure.”

“Seriously. I want him to make a good first impression.”

The pup stirred and yawned widely. His tiny white teeth flashed in the light. He rolled onto his paws, shook himself and jumped onto the arm of the chair. He snuffled at the dogs on the screen and looked up at Geoff.

“Yeah? Like what you see, buddy?” Geoff rubbed between the pup’s ears. “I bet this blue deal would bring out your eyes.” He pointed at something on the screen. The pup licked his finger and wagged his tail. “We’ll make you look handsome as fuck.”

Jack just watched the scene play out like it was a movie. He hid his smile behind his beer bottle and munched on chips. The ‘staunch resistance’ looked like it would peter out soon enough.

“‘We’re not keeping him’ my ass,” he said under his breath.

“What was that?” Geoff looked up from the screen. His fingers still rested on the pup’s back.

“Nothing.”

“Seriously? This is so stupid.”

“He needs a name, dude.”

Jack looked over at the opposite wall and raised his eyebrows. “On that, we agree, sure. But this is your best solution?”

The pup’s name had been a topic of heated debate all week long. Both of them had entire lists of wonderful names that neither of them agreed on. Then, that Wednesday morning, right after Jack had finished a rather difficult carjacking job, Geoff pulled him into the living room and told him all their name troubles were solved. His ‘solution’ involved covering their dartboard in over a dozen Post-It notes with names scrawled on them in Sharpie. One toss of a dart would finally end their week long debate.

“Look, it was either this or drawing names from a hat. If you have a better idea, I’m all ears.”

“Nope. This is all you.” The pup ran toward them and sat down at Jack’s feet. He bent down and scooped him up, smiling when the pup snuffled at his cheek. “Looks like you’ll finally get a name now, if Geoff ever throws the damn dart.”

“I’m working on it!” Geoff picked up a red-fletched dart, which he claimed was his lucky dart, closed one eye, and cocked it over his shoulder. “Okay…aiming for Skeletor…really…feeling…Skeletor.”

“For the last time, we’re not naming him Skeletor.”

“Yeah? When this dart lands on Skeletor, you’re gonna look real stupid. Like…right now!” Geoff stepped forward and threw the dart. It thunked solidly into the Post-It note directly below the ‘Skeletor’ note. “Fuck.”

“Like I said, we’re not naming him Skeletor.” Jack walked forward and pulled the dart out of the board.

“That, uh, that was a misfire. That means I get a retry.”

“What – no you don’t get a retry! You said one shot would decide this! That was your one shot! So we’re naming him…” Jack grabbed the Post-It note and glanced at it. “Ryan. We’re naming him Ryan.”

“Oh my God, that’s the most boring name in the universe,” said Geoff. “I still say we should go for Skeletor.”

“Well, what do you think?” Jack looked at the pup in his arms. He gazed solemnly back at him. “You think Ryan’s a good name?” The pup tilted his head, and his tongue flopped out of his mouth. “Ryan it is then.”

Geoff glared at the faded marks on the red dart. “Traitor.”

Jack burst out laughing. The pup – now Ryan, he supposed – wiggled in his arms and let out a yip.

“Don’t get too excited, Ryan. Next up is your vet appointment.”

Ryan whined and ducked his head into Jack’s arm.