#anyway the Winter Soldier stuff would have made this worse in terms of who Bucky can relate to

[daydreamerdrew]

I genuinely think that if Bucky had survived WWII (and ignoring Gretchen for a moment) that he wouldn’t have succeeded in forming a strong, lasting relationship with a woman that hadn’t been in combat at all and lived an ordinary life for an American woman at the time. I think it was necessary for him to be with someone like Natasha who could be his partner at home and in work, specifically the kind of fantastical violence and espionage he was involved in. I don’t think he would have actually been able to relate to and understand and be emotionally vulnerable with a woman otherwise. I don’t think he would have expected his work to become his life, but it would. I think about the way Bucky was raised, so embedded in the military and with girls as a distant ideal, the scene in Captain America and Bucky (2011) #620 where Bucky bribes a sergeant into taking him to a dance off-base, which he jokes is like going to heaven. Bucky was a casual, charming flirter for fun during the war in the short periods of time when he was around women, say nurses, but then afterwards to everyone’s shock he wouldn’t have been able to make something last, or if it did last it would have been eventually been begrudging and unhappy. women are nice in concept, he’s attracted to women, but it would have been hard for him to understand someone with such a different life experience, specifically as not having the skills that he values and that impress him, as a full human being. it was Natasha being both an amazing and intrinsically feminine fighter, like a ballerina, that made that work so well, that made him so attracted to her while also genuinely respecting her.

[avengerscompound]

Kintsugi - Chapter 1

Kintsugi: A Winterhawk Fanfic

Series Masterlist

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Clint Barton x  F!Reader

Word Count:  1928

Rating:  E

Warnings:  Trigger warning for the aftermath of rape and torture, but no explicit rape or torture, angst, PTSD, smut (M|M and bit MMF, oral sex, anal sex, vaginal sex, frottage, double penetration).

Synopsis:  When you finally snap out of the mind control of the Winter Soldier Program, you feel guilty and broken. There are two men who know that exact feeling. While they aren’t the people they used to be, the people they are becoming with each other is something you find beauty in.

Chapter 1

The memories are hazy, like looking through a frosted mirror.  You can remember before HYDRA.  Playing with the neighborhood children in the street.  Feeding your dog.  Doing math homework.  The way your parents looked when they smiled.  The sounds of them fighting.

Then there is nothing for a long time.  Years and years of feeling like a passenger in your own body.  Where you would fight and fight to get back control from this other - thing - and all you could do was watch as your body was used and defiled.  How you were given as a gift or pointed like a weapon.  The murders were worse.  The other stuff was just a further example of how your body wasn’t yours anymore.  They took it from you.  You just turned away and let it happen.  But when they made you take a life, they always made it happen up close.  So you could feel their pulse slow under your fingers.  You could hear each ragged breath in and out as you crushed their windpipe.  You let them claw at you.  Marking your body so it was as ugly as you felt.  It didn’t matter.  It never lasted.  They knew that.  That’s why they allowed you that extra pain.

The fog lifts and is replaced by blood.  It’s everywhere.  It runs down your skin and soaks through your clothes.  It spreads around you, pouring from the bodies laid out around you.  The bodies of men, women, and children you had just brutally slaughtered.

There is pain too.  The physical hits you first.  When the fog lifts it’s just replaced with bone searing pain.  You fall to your knees and scream, and as it burns through you, you realize what this means.  You’re yourself and either you stay yourself and you have to live with what they’ve made you do, or they find you and force you back into the fog and continue torturing you.

While your screams turn to wracking sobs the room fills with people.  You look up at them hoping they can take this pain away from you and knowing the only way they could do that was to kill you.  You recognize them but in a vague way.  In the ‘I’m supposed to kill these people on-site’ way.   Except for the one who had flanked you to the left.  You recognize him.  The long dark hair.  The body armor made of leather straps much like your own.  The metal arm.  He was a winter soldier like you.  The prototype.

The tall blond in front of you looks down at you with pity in his eyes, but he doesn’t drop his defensive stance, holding his star-emblazoned shield in front of him.  “Who are you?  What happened here?”

You reach forward to him and the Winter Soldier raises his gun.  “She’s a Winter Soldier, Steve.  Early one.  Like me.”

Steve looked from the Soldier to you.  “You did this?”

“I - I … please, oh god.”  You cry.  Your voice comes out harsh and quiet from a lack of use.  It has been a long time since you’ve needed to speak, and all your voice has been used for is screaming in pain as they wiped you again and again.

You see the soldier glance over to a sandy blond man who has a bow and arrow trained on you.  The archer furrows his brow as he looks at you and nods lowering his bow.  “You’re safe.”   He says softly, putting the arrow back into his quiver.   He crouches down and holds out his hand to you.  “We won’t let them get to you.”

“Clint,”  Steve warns, taking a step towards you.

The man named Clint holds up his hand up, gesturing to Steve to stay back.  Steve falters and you fall into Clint’s arms and just start sobbing.  Your whole body shakes with it.  He very slowly and tentatively closes his arms around you, giving you time so you don’t panic or lash out.  You don’t, you just let him hold you as you sob against his chest.

The soldier came up behind you and crouched down as Steve barked some orders into the comms.  “My names, Bucky.”  He said, putting his hand on your shoulder.  “Do you remember me?”

You nod.  “You’re the Winter Soldier.”

“Will you come with us quietly?”  He asks.

“The children.  I murdered them all.   I don’t even know why they wanted me to do that.  You should just take me out.”  You cry and your arms tighten around Clint.  He rubs your back in soothing circles.

“You can’t undo it.  But come with us.  You might be able to try and stop it from happening again.”   Bucky says.

They take you back to the compound cuffed.  Both Clint and Bucky argue for you, but you don’t resist.  You come along passively as you always did, only now you feel more in control of it.  You’re passive, not just your body.

They allow you to shower in the compound but the one they call Wanda stands at the door.  She seems so small and fragile, so you assume she must house a power greater than yours.  Not that you would have tried anything anyway.

You can’t seem to get the water hot enough to get clean.  It scalds your skin and relish it.  You sob under the stream until Wanda comes and tells you it was time to get out.

After that, you become a prisoner in the tower for a time.  They were trying to work you out.  Find out who you were.  If you were still a risk.  If the crimes you had committed were you or what they made you.   You wanted to be punished for them, begged for it.  Which only seems to prolong the decision.

“They’re not going to send you away, you know?”  Bucky steps out of the shadows as Clint is leading you back to your cell after yet another hearing.

“But I did it.  I did all of it.”  You mutter.  “Why won’t they see that?”

“You think I don’t know that?  I was a Winter Soldier too.  They’re just going to tell you it wasn’t you and you weren’t in control.”  Bucky growls.

Clint’s gaze snaps to Bucky.  “Take it easy, Buck.”

“She needs to know what’s going to happen.  She needs to figure out her own way to come to terms with what she did.”  Bucky says.

Clint opens his mouth to say something and then closes it.  “What no smart ass reply?”  Bucky asks.

Clint pushes the door to your cell open and nods you inside.  “Come on, Buck.  You know I know what it’s like too.”

You look at Clint as you step through the door.  “You too?”

He nods and drops his gaze.  “They were friends.  They had families.  They keep telling me it wasn’t me.  It was.  I just couldn’t stop it.”

You put your hand on his forearm and stroke your thumb along it.  At the same time, Bucky puts his arm around Clint’s shoulders.  For a second Clint leans into Bucky, seeking out comfort.  It doesn’t last.  He shakes his head and pushes him away.  “God, when did you get to be such a sap?”

It soon became clear that Bucky was right.  You were cleared of all crime.  It wasn’t you, it was them.  You were a weapon.  A puppet.  You had no control.  None of that helped the fact you could still taste their blood in your mouth.  Or the fact you still remembered what it felt like to crush a person’s windpipe in your hand.  It definitely didn’t help the fact you woke in your new room, with all its soft furnishings and creature comforts, screaming and gasping for breath.

What did help was when Clint or Bucky held you.  It was a week after you were moved from a cell to a room and told you were free to go if chose before one of them heard your screams.  Clint noticed first.  He jumped down out of the vents and you were so disoriented and terrified that it didn’t even strike you as weird he was up there.

He’d approached you slowly making a shushing noise.  You’d started when he touched your arm and then reached for him.  He’d held you, telling you, you were safe.  That they’d never control you again.

Bucky came in two days later.  He came through your door wearing only a pair of pajama pants.  He was quick to your side repeating your name over and over.  Telling you that you are you and not the soldier.  He’d climbed in under the covers and kept just whispering your name until you drifted back off.

It helped.  A little too well.  You started to wonder how you were going to exist without them.  Your feelings were getting confused.  You didn’t know if you loved them or you needed them and if you did love them, was it just because they were friends who seemed to genuinely care for you, or was it more?

Not that it mattered.  There was something else that was becoming quite obvious.  Bucky and Clint were together.

They didn’t flaunt that they were.  Though they weren’t exactly hiding it either.  You never saw them kissing, though sometimes one would take the others hand, or they’d lean against each other.  Once you had discovered them in the hall, Bucky had Clint pressed up against the wall and their foreheads pressed together.  When they’d spotted you, Clint ducked away under Bucky’s arm and made a joke about small spaces.

Months passed and sleep still alluded you when you were left alone.  One night they both show up.  Bucky is already curled around you, soothing you from your nightmare when Clint came in.

“Sorry.  Thought it was my night.”  He says, taking a step back.

Bucky shook his head and beckoned him over.  “There’s room for three.”

Clint looks back over his shoulder and closes the door.  He climbs into bed and spoons you from the other side.

“You take turns?”  You whisper.

“One of us might as well sleep,”  Clint replies.

“Maybe we all can tonight?”  Bucky says softly.

Clint barks out a laugh. “That’s funny, Buckaroo.  I thought I was the funny one.”

“I don’t … you shouldn’t…” You stutter.

Bucky presses his lips to your head.  “Shh, doll.  We understand better than anyone else.  Just try and sleep.”

“Is that how you and Clint got together?”  You ask.

“Hey!  Woah!  We’re not…”  Clint protests.

“Clint.”  Bucky scolds.

Clint groans.  “Fine.  Yes.  No.”

“What the idiot bird is trying to say is it’s how we got together.  It’s not the only reason we are.”  Bucky says.  “No one else really gets it.  Tasha does a little, but not that total loss of control.  We get each other.”

“Plus, I really like tall, dark and surly,”  Clint says.

“Why the big secret?”  You ask.

Bucky reaches over and runs his hand along Clint’s jaw.  Clint looks from Bucky to you.  “I am shit at relationships.  I get self-destructive.  So you know, multiple levels of fucked-up.”

“You’re fine,”  Bucky says and leans over you to kiss him.  It starts soft and gentle, but Clint deepens it, slipping his tongue into Bucky’s mouth.  His hand tightens on your hip.

You watch them kiss and run your hand up Bucky’s side.  He breaks the kiss and looks down at you.  “Sorry, doll.  Got carried away.  Let’s sleep.”

You nod and close your eyes, drifting off to sleep more confused than ever.

// NEXT

[britesparc]

Weekend Top Ten #476

Top Ten Theories About Falcon, the Winter Soldier, and the Future of the MCU

The penultimate episode of The Falcon and the Winter Soldier was amazing. Can we agree on that? I know in general the show isn’t the masterpiece WandaVision was; it doesn’t have the intricate puzzle-box structure, or that show’s desire to mess with form. It’s a show treading the same path as the Captain America movies (fittingly enough); relatively straight street-level bust-ups with a political globe-trotting bent. Bourne in tights, if you will. But even within that margin, it’s still not been tremendous; the pacing’s been a bit off, both in individual episodes and across the series as a whole. But there have been moments of greatness; the fight scenes and choreography has been mostly excellent, for a start. And the performances are great; it’s so nice to see Anthony Mackie and Sebastian Stan being given the space to cut loose and show what they’ve got as they move out of Chris Evans’ shadow. Wyatt Russell is superb as the tormented John Walker; and Daniel Brühl’s Zemo is already the stuff of meme legends. So, all in all, it’s pretty good, if not top tier; but the latest episode, man oh man.

One of the themes of the show has always been institutional racism (it’s right there from the start, with Sam and Rhodey’s first conversation). Bringing this issue right to the forefront, with Sam’s not-so-cosy chat with former supersoldier Isiah Bradley, the most recent episode offered a side of the MCU we’ve never really seen before. It’s so great a huge mass-market Disney property like this can allow its creators the chance to speak openly about race, to present marketable, profitable characters like Captain America as symptoms of a racist society. Bradley’s line about “they’ll never let a Black man be Captain America, and no self-respecting Black man would want to be,” is right up there with “bury me at sea, like my ancestors who leapt from the ships, because they knew death was better than bondage” in terms of things I never thought I’d hear from a Disney property. Sam’s struggle, and his acceptance of his role, was just terrific. I know it’s West Wing-style wishy-washiness, but the idea that the idea of Captain America – of America – is worth striving for and fighting for, is a glorious one; it’s what makes Hamilton so good, even though we know the reality is stained with blood like John Walker’s shield. All this plus Sam helping Bucky deal with his trauma! What a good episode.

Anyway, a bit like I did with WandaVision, here are ten thoughts about where the series could be heading as we approach the finale – and where the MCU itself might be going from here…

A Good Man: Dr. Erskine said it when Steve first took the formula; “Not a perfect soldier, but a good man.” Steve, it’s implied, is the best Super Soldier because he’s the best man. When he handed Sam the shield in Endgame, he said, “You’re a good man, Sam.” And Sam is a good man; witness how he tried to reason with Karli, how he helped his sister, how he reached out to Bucky to counsel him. The fact that he’s taking up the shield at all, despite everything Bradley said, is because someone needs to be Captain America, and that having a Black man in the role might just make things better for the next generation, even if it makes things worse for Sam. He’s just a good man, and this is going to become evident when all hell breaks loose and everyone descends on New York for the finale; you just know that he’ll be the one to make the sacrifice play, to reach out a hand to Karli or even John. And the whole world will be watching…

Heroes Without Borders: Captain America was created by the US government to fight a war; after Steve retired, they created their own new Cap in John Walker. It’s a role that’s therefore tied to the USA. But the history of the USA, even just in relation to the Super Soldier program, is downright murky. So I think Wilson’s Cap will make it very clear that he’s his own man. He’s wielding a shield that is (presumably) created in an alternate timeline, and wearing a suit built in Wakanda. He has no ties to the government, and it’ll stay that way – especially if he starts to recruit a new batch of Avengers…

The Death of the Winter Soldier…: Bucky’s arc is complete. He was captured and brainwashed, turned into a freeze-dried assassin for seventy years. After being rescued by Steve, he was healed by Shuri, but he still has decades of trauma and guilt. Teaming up with Sam, and being forced to work alongside Zemo, has mellowed him, allowed him to start forgiving himself. It looks as though, with his smiles and jokes on the boat, that he’s finally found some degree of peace. So it stands to reason that he’s going to die in the last episode. Probably defending Karli from John Walker or Batroc the Leaper or something like that.

…The Life of the White Wolf: alternatively, maybe he doesn’t die! Maybe, like he said, he’s going to bugger off to Wakanda. In that case, I think we’ll next see him as the White Wolf in Ryan Coogler’s Wakanda-set Disney+ series. Perhaps he’ll end up being an official Wakandan agent, helping to keep his adopted homeland safe.

Thunderbolts Are Go: in the comics, Zemo is associated with the team of villains-but-sometimes-not the Thunderbolts. I think that’s coming here, too; but I think it’ll be formed by Contessa Valentina Allegra de Fontaine; after all, she was in Washington picking up Captain Americas (Captains America?). Stands to reason that she has an eye on building her own team of Avengers. Maybe Batroc could join too? And – hey! – didn’t Black Widow have a sister…?

The New Avengers: I said earlier, but I think one of Sam’s first jobs will be to reboot the Avengers. After the double-whammy of Civil War and Endgame, they’re toast; almost all their members are either dead or off the table. Let’s rule out Bucky for now; Sam’s first stop will probably be War Machine. Who’s next? Strange? Spidey? Sharon? I wonder if a simmering, recurring plot point in the next couple of movies/shows will be Sam’s attempts to rebuild the team. “Hey, Bruce; what’s your cousin Jennifer’s number?”

Brokered Power: the identity of the Power Broker is one of those no-one’s-talking-about-it-but-it’s-obviously-a-big-deal mysteries in the show. Nobody seems to care or be interested, but just who is this seemingly all-powerful string-puller in Madripoor? One thought could be that it’s Sharon Carter herself; her total about-face on the issue of heroism could be a façade to mask the decisions she’d made as the de facto crime empress. But that feels a bit too neat to me. Our new friend Valentina, perhaps? Sharon looked like she was siccing Batroc onto Karli at the Broker’s behest; is this just because the Broker wants his Serum (or revenge for Karli taking it), or does the Broker secretly have a more benign plan, and is actually trying to stop further bloodshed? My money’s on it either being someone totally new or relatively unknown, or a forgotten villain from an older MCU movie. Is it too much to hope that it turns out to be Trevor Slattery?

Agent Carter: regardless of what happens with the Power Broker, I think we really will see Sharon Carter return to the forefront of MCU heroics. She could actually fill the Black Widow slot in the Avengers, unless the plan is for Yelena to step into her sister’s big black boots (and assuming that Natasha really is dead, of course). But I think Sam’s heroics as the new Cap – plus him keeping his word – will be enough to convince her that there really was something to the heroism Aunt Peggy talked about for all those years. Maybe if the Avengers are too mainstream, she could lead a kind of “Agents of SWORD” black ops team? Maybe that’s where Bucky will end up too!

Teaming Up: and speaking of teams… does anyone else feel like we’re getting a veritable league of different super-teams in the MCU? We’ve got the Avengers and the Guardians already; once Ms. Marvel and Ironheart have taken their bow, I wouldn’t be surprised if Young Avengers reared their bumfluffed heads (maybe with a now-teenage reincarnated Tommy and Billy from WandaVision). Smart money is on Zemo and the Thunderbolts. There’s SWORD, filling the SHIELD void. They’re making a new movie about the Fantastic Four. Eternals comes out this year. At some point down the road we’ll see the X-Men. That’s a lot of different teams, and my crazy theory is this is all deliberate. At some point these teams are going to collide. Whether that’s just your typical Avengers-style team-up movie, or if this is where the whole franchise is pointing in ten years’ time, I don’t know; but it’ll be fun finding out!

Only One Captain America: so, where is Steve? Is he still around? Is he still alive? My theory is that he went home; it’s safe to assume that the Old Steve who sat on the bench in Endgame had travelled from an alternate timeline, one created by Steve returning to the 1940s to have a happy ever after with Peggy. A world where Cap was around after WWII would be very different; especially a Cap who knew about HYDRA’s plans to infiltrate the government, to say nothing of Thanos’ plan for half of everything. So it’s likely that he hasn’t just spent seventy years chilling on the veranda; I’m guessing he’s been at work. And I think he’s gone back home. Maybe his universe’s Sorcerer Supreme helped him with a bit of universe-skipping; who knows. But I just don’t think he’s around, and contrary to some suspicions, I don’t think we’ll see him in the FAWS finale. Whilst more Chris Evans is always nice, and whilst a few words of encouragement from Cap I to Cap II could be lovely, I don’t think they should detract from Sam’s moment by wheeling in his beloved predecessor. So, sorry, Steve; but I think from here on in there’s only one Captain America.

[imaginetonyandbucky]

Imagine JARVIS never stops hacking into SHIELD files after Avengers first movie (Obie taught him a lesson and he wanted to protect Sir after the nuke was sent out) and of course after a while discovers Hydra, the files of the Winter Soldier and of course the mission report of December 16, 1991. Tony has time to come to terms with the fact, therefore searches for Bucky, destroying Hydra on the way, gets rid of the mind control (BARF) and later they fall in love.

prompts, winteriron, tony stark, bucky barnes, tony x bucky,February,2014

“Wakeup, Daddy’s home.” The lights in the workshop flickered to life,but it seemed empty without DUM-E and U coming to greet him.

“Goodevening, sir,” JARVIS said. “And may I say what a relief it is tohave you home. Again.”

“Thanks,Jay,” Tony said. He dropped into the workstation chair and rubbedabsently at his chest. It was strange, not to have the arc reactoranymore. Helen -- you could call your doctor by their given name oncethey’d literallyhadyour heart in their hands, right? -- Helen had done an amazing jobwith the reconstructive surgery.

“ShallI contact the usual suppliers to see about having the Malibu houserebuilt?” JARVIS asked.

Tonyconsidered it. It would take months to rebuild the place, while therepairs and upgrades to Stark Tower had been completed months ago.Bruce was already here; Tony might as well just move back to NewYork, finally get around to issuing invitations to the rest of theAvengers. “Not yet,” he said. “Arrange to have the bratsrecovered and I’ll drive out and bring ‘em back here.”

“Verygood, sir,” JARVIS said. “If you have no urgent business, I’veuncovered some information that you might wish to review.” Adisplay screen came to life and began spitting up windows ofinformation.

Tonyfrowned. “What am I looking at?”

“Whileyou were in recovery, sir, I took it upon myself to do some digging.Surmising that you would wish to know why SHIELD was not already incontrol of the Mandarin situation, I re-activated the backdoor codewe inserted into their mainframes.”

“Thesefiles are way older than that,” Tony said, flicking through them.“These go back decades.”

“Yes,sir,” JARVIS said delicately. “It appears that SHIELD may becompromised. I do urge you to particularly review the files that I’veflagged for your attention. And, sir... I’m sorry.”  

[mobile readers, ‘ware the read-more!]

March,2014

“Whatthe hell, Rogers,” Tony demanded, before he’d even pushed all theway through the hospital room door. Steve’s new guy, Wilson, boltedupright in the terrible visitor’s chair. Good reflexes. The instantWilson realized who Tony was, his eyes went big and round. Fast onthe uptake, too.

“You,I like you,” Tony said, clapping Wilson on the shoulder. “Come toNew York soon, we’ll get you some new wings.” He turned back tothe bed. Christ, but Cap was a mess. “I repeat, Rogers: what. Theactual. Hell.”

Stevecracked an eyelid -- the one that wasn’t surrounded by a mass ofbruises and stitched shut around the occipital bone. “Nice to seeyou too, Tony.”

“Youdon’t call, you don’t write,” Tony complained. “Bruce and I,we’re hurt, you didn’t invite us to the party.”

Stevetried to laugh and it turned into a weak cough. “C’mon, Tony, youknow I’m not gonna call the heavy hitters for the little stuff.”

“Thelittle stuff, like our purported leadership being riddled withHydra?” Tony challenged. “Or stuff like their number one assassinbeing your old right hand man?”

Thehumor fell off Steve’s face in a hurry. “You knew?”

“Onlyfor a couple of weeks,” Tony said. “JARVIS was vacationing inSHIELD’s systems and stumbled across some red flags. I tipped Furyoff that something was rotten and he asked me to keep it under my hatwhile he set up a sting. That bastard plays things so close to thechest that his own ribs can’t see the cards.”

“Youknew about Bucky,” Steve said, sounding even more breathless.

“Yeah,well, it took me a while to figure out what to do about that, soyou’ll have to excuse me for not texting you right away with myreview of the videofootage of him murdering my parents,”Tony snapped.

Stevewent even paler than he already was. “He-- Shit, Tony, I’m sorry.Zola told me Hydra had them killed, but I didn’t realize they’dused Bucky to do it.”

“Soit looks like we’re both guilty of holding back information,”Tony said. “Were you going to tell me?”

Steve’smouth tightened. “I’ve been a little busy, the last few days,”he said. “Hadn’t quite worked it all through yet.”

“Well,you’re you,”Tony said, more lightly than he felt. “I’m sure you’d havedecided to do what was right.” He glanced at Wilson, then lookedback at Steve. “Romanov says you’re planning to go after him.”

“Ofcourse I am,” Steve said, because of course he was. “Tony, it...it wasn’t him.You know that, right?”

Tonyhad to close his eyes. “Yeah,” he sighed. “If I’d had him infront of me right after I found out, I don’t know what I would’vedone, but... Once I calmed down and thought it through, I knew. Dadrecognizedhim,and he didn’t even--” Tony had to stop, to swallow around a tightthroat.

Stevelooked grim. “I’m sorry, Tony. I am.”

“Yeah,”Tony managed. “We’re going to make those assholes pay, though.”

“Damnright we will,” Steve agreed. “For your parents andforBucky. And undo whatever they put in his head.”

“Well,I’ve got some thoughts about that,” Tony said. “A littlesomething Bruce and I were working on together. You work on findingyour boy, and I’ll see what we can do about bringing him back.”

July 2015

“It’scalled Binarily Augmented Retrofitted Framing,” Tony said. “BARFfor short, and don’t say it -- we’re working on a new acronym.”

Atthe other end of the table, flanked by Steve and Sam, Bucky Barnesstared at his hands where they were clasped in front of him. “Hydrahad a device, too,” he said, almost too quiet for Tony to hear. Heswallowed, licked his lips, swallowed again. “It... hurt.”

“Yeah,I’ve seen the specs,” Tony said. “They were literally burningout chunks of your brain. The initial concept for BARF was traumarecovery -- specifically, I was going to use it on myself,and I am very attached to alltheparts of my brain, so while it’s not exactly a skip through thepark, it’s not going to cause any physicaldamage.The way this works...” Tony considered ways to explain how thememory retrofit worked. None of the men at the other end of the tablewere lacking in intelligence, but they weren’t geniuses, either.“You ever been in an argument, and then hours later, thought of theperfect thing to say, too late to actually say it? And you keepreplaying that conversation over and over in your head, wishing you’dthought of it at the right moment, to the point where sometimes thatreplay is a stronger memory than the actual event? This is like that,but a hundred times stronger and faster. It can’t change what’shappened, obviously, but it can adjust your responsetoit, let you rebuild the lesson that you took away from it.”

“Andit will fix me?” Barnes said, intent. “It will take theselandmines out of my head?”

“Ibelieve so,” Tony said. “You’re a special case, so we won’tknow for certain until we give it a shot, but I feel pretty confidentabout it.”

Barnesworried at his lip with his teeth.

“Youdon’t have to do this,” Steve said, earnest and sorrowful.“You’ll have to witness the worst of the things they did to you.I can’t imagine how unpleasant that would be. We can find anotherway.”

“WhileI just while away my days in the Hulk Room?” Barnes said, not quitesharp. “Maybe it shouldbeunpleasant. Maybe that would be the smallest amount of justice forthe lives I took.”

“Buck,”Steve said. Tony could hear the crack in his voice from across theroom. “That wasn’t you. I keep telling you--”

“Itwas my hands,” Barnes said. He turned his hands over, as ifsearching for evidence of the blood they’d spilled. “I did it.Maybe I didn’t make that choice. But I did it anyway.” He lookedup at Tony, and it wasn’t until that moment Tony realized, with astart, that it was the first time Barnes had met Tony’s eyes sinceSteve had brought him to the Tower.

Barneshad pale blue eyes, almost the color of silver, and that gaze wassteady. “I’ll do it. Set it up.”

Theyset it up in the Hulk Room, in case Barnes was triggered. No one elsewould be able to see what he saw, Tony promised. Tony had done aprojection for the presentation at MIT, but that wasn’t a necessarycomponent of the system. And Tony figured, some things a man wantedto keep private.

Onthe other side of the glass, all Tony would be able to see werevitals and brainwave patterns, adrenaline levels and involuntarymuscle responses. Because Steve was hovering like a nervous newparent, Tony went through a session himself to show them what itlooked like from the outside, with Bruce at the monitoring station.

Hetook himself through the wormhole again, made himself stare up intothe black space and count the alien ships in their thousands. Iwill survive this,he told them, andwe willdefeatyou.

Tonylasted about five minutes in that memory, and came back to himselfpanting and dizzy, and outside the heavy glass of the Hulk Room,Bruce looked resigned and Sam looked worried and Steve looked grave.And Barnes...

Barneswas pale as a sheet, but his jaw was set and his eyes were locked onTony’s face. When their eyes met, he nodded, once grim.

Barneswas in the first memory for all of about ninety seconds when heripped off the goggles and fell to his knees, retching.

“Bucky!”Steve yelled, banging on the glass. “Bucky, what happened? Are youokay?”

“Ohgod,” Barnes gasped. “It’s so fuckin’ real...”He rocked back onto his heels and flapped a hand at Steve. “Stopthat, Rogers, you’re makin’ it worse.” He took a few deepbreaths, then looked straight at Tony, ignoring the way Steve waspractically pressed against the wall. “Let’s get this cleaned up,and get me a bucket or something for the next run.”

March 2016

Buckywas waiting for Tony outside the Hulk Room, just like always, leaningagainst the wall with his hands stuffed in his pockets. “Mornin’dollface,” he said without looking up. “Ready to dance?”

Theflirting had started a couple of months ago. Progress was slow, withfrequent setbacks, and the situation needed a little humor from timeto time. Tony could only helplessly admire his determination anddrive.

“WhySergeant Barnes,” Tony gasped, firing up the monitoring equipmentone-handed, “are you getting fresh with me?”

Buckygave him a wide-eyed look. “I wouldn’t dare try it, not with youbein’ so far outta my league,” he said. “All I want’s a danceor two.”

“Yousay that now,” Tony said. “But I know what you’re reallyafter.” He tapped the last code in and the pneumatic seal on theHulk Room’s door released with a hiss.

Buckyflinched -- his work with the BARF hadn’t stopped him fromdeveloping new pavlovian responses, and that sound was guaranteed tomake him pale and queasy. It didn’t stop him, though. He scooped upthe goggles and headpiece and stepped through the door without anyhesitation.

Asthe door swung slowly shut, Bucky slipped on the headpiece, adjustingits position with the ease of long practice, and covered his prettyeyes with the VR goggles. “Maybe this time,” he said, so quietlythat Tony wasn’t sure he was hearing it right, “I’ll make youproud enough to say yes.”

May 2017

Buckyhad gone pale when they’d walked into the room with the scanner, somuch blood draining away from his face that his lips had taken on ablueish tint, and his hand had trembled in Tony’s grip. But hedidn’t hesitate, even for an instant. He climbed into the chair andvery deliberately curled his hands over the ends of the armrests, hiseyes locked on Tony as he licked his lips.

“Areyou certain you wish to remain?” T’challa asked. “If he is notfully recovered, you will be in great danger.”

Tonylooked away from Bucky only for an instant, to let T’challa see thedetermination in his eyes, and then shifted his gaze back to Bucky.“I’ve been putting my life in the hands of my tech for more thana decade,” he said firmly. “He’s clean. This is only aformality.”

T’challawanted to argue; Tony could feel it hanging in the air. Tony wasready to tell him where to stick it -- Steve hadn’t been permittedto attend this review, and it was only after some rather franticnegotiation that the U.N. had agreed to let Tony come along forBucky’s moral support.

Finally,T’challa bowed his head, accepting. “Very well,” he agreed, andturned to the Wakandan neuroscientist and the team of expertsassigned by the U.N. who would be verifying Bucky’s mental state.“You may begin.”

Acomputer technician approached and Bucky closed his eyes tightly.“Try to relax,” the neuroscientist said, a heavy Wakandan accentlending music to the syllables. “The process should be painless,but a thorough mapping will take some time.” She used a vividlyblue gel to attach several electrodes to Bucky’s face and neck, andspoke to the technician in Wakandan, which Tony didn’t speak, butbased on the way the screens on the computer bank flickered to lifeand began displaying graphs and numbers, they were going through astartup sequence.

“Mr.Barnes,” she said after a moment, “we will present a number ofimages to you, some still, some short scenes. The complete collectionof possible images is quite large; no one will know precisely whichimages you see, though there is an algorithm that ensures certaincategories are among those chosen. I -- and the analysts -- will seeonly your measured responses, as compared to the range of responsesfor that image already acquired. You need do nothing but allow theimages to appear; your subconscious response will be measured almostinstantaneously. Do you understand the procedure, Mr. Barnes?”

Buckynodded without opening his eyes.

“Doyou consent to the procedure?” she asked.

“It’swhy we came all this way,” he said, voice husky. “Might ‘swell.”

Thescientist looked tolerably amused, but pressed, “I must have aclear affirmative before we begin, Mr. Barnes.”

Buckyhuffed. “Yes,” he said. “I consent.”

“Thankyou.” She nodded at them both. “I will be watching from theobservation room,” she told them. “If you need to call a halt,you need only say so.” She left the room, very carefully closingthe door behind her.

Whenthe heavy bolts shot home, sealing them in, Bucky’s eyes flew open.“They didn’t strap me down,” he said.

“Noneed,” Tony said lightly. “You’re going to be fine.”

“I’mscared,” Bucky admitted in a whisper.

Tonytook Bucky’s hand in his own. “I’ll be right here the wholetime,” he promised.

Buckystarted to answer, but then frowned slightly, his eyes goingunfocused. It had begun.

Unableto see the images that Bucky was getting, his outward responses weresomewhat mystifying to Tony. His breathing and heart rate sped andslowed, his pupils dilated and contracted, muscles all over his bodytwitched. He smiled, he frowned, he grimaced. His skin flushed andthen faded. Once he choked out, “No!” Some time later, hewhispered, “Please,” but he sounded... happy?

“Arethey showing you porn in there?” Tony teased.

Buckycocked his head, eyes flicking around in sightless confusion. Itfaded again after a moment, and Tony kept his mouth shut after that.

Thecomplete process took hours,but Bucky never asked for a break, and perforce, neither did Tony. Bythe time it was done, Bucky was soaked with sweat and shaking like aleaf. The scanning equipment powered down, and Bucky’s eyes slowlyfocused on Tony. “They done?” he asked, his voice a hoarse rasp.

“Thinkso,” Tony said. “You okay?”

“Hell,no,” Bucky said. “That was... that was rough.”

“Yeah,”Tony agreed. “But you did great.”

“We’llsee, I guess.” Bucky didn’t look too confident.

Tonyglanced toward the door -- it would be just like those petty U.N.officials to draw out their deliberation just because they could,making Bucky sweat out of a sense of power. “Hey, after they cut usloose,” Tony said, trying for distraction, “how about dinner?Wakandan cuisine is really something, and it’s hard to come by ifyou’re not actually in Wakanda.”

“Youaskin’ for a date, gorgeous?” Bucky managed a wan smile.

“Well,if you don’t have a more pressing engagement,” Tony said, liftinghis eyebrows, “yes.”

Bucky’seyes went round. “Wait, really?”

Tonyheld out his hand, palm up, offering. Slowly, Bucky took it, and Tonyclosed his fingers around Bucky’s, smiling. “For the record,because I didn’t think you’d believe me until this was allsettled, I’ve been proud of you since the first time you said you’dtry it. And I’ve wanted to take you out for months.”

Thelight and wonder in Bucky’s eyes was worth all the heartache andwork it had taken to get to this moment, Tony thought. “I neverthought,” Bucky whispered, “never thought I’d--”

Thedoor opened to reveal T’challa, the doctor and the U.N. committeehead behind him. He met Tony’s eyes, then Bucky’s. Slow, like asleepy cat, he smiled.

~ @everyworldneedslove

[ravensimps]

Soldier Mode Ch10 Linked (The Winter Soldier / OC) (Bucky Barnes / OC) (Loki / OC)

I wake up with a killer headache "What the hell is that?!" I feel a very uncomfortable feeling 'Down below' Ok I need answers "Jarvis get Tony now!"

XX

About 5 minutes later Tony walks in "What the hell is in my you know?" He laughs "Well in idiot terms for you its a piss and poop tube one for both obviously" My eyes go wide "WHO PUT IT THERE!?" I go red "Calm down it was a female nurse look I will get her to come remove them then I will send Loki in, Ok?" I nod "Please Hurry it is very uncomfortable" I groan as he walks out.

XX

The nurse finally comes in about 20 minutes later "Fair warning this won't exactly be pleasant" I groan "Can't be any worse than how it feels now".

After 5 minutes of pain the tubes are out and the pain immediately goes away "Miss Mikealson? Loki is on his way" The nurse grabs her stuff and leaves.

XX

A few minutes later Loki walks in "Hey how do you feel?" I glare at him "Did you know that would happen?" He looks at the ceiling "I may have had a hunch" I use my powers to throw a lamp at him but it goes straight through him and hits the wall "Look it is normal for that to happen and I kind of thought you would react like that hence I am not really here" I groan "How long was I out?" He hesitates "2 days" I scream "OK GET OUT!" He looks at me shocked but he leaves anyway.

"Jarvis please ask Tony to come speak with me and to please bring Cap" I get out of bed and stretch "Oh?" I notice a drip in my arm "Yeah Jarvis tell Tony to move a bit faster please".

XX

About 5 minutes pass before Tony and Cap walk in "Tony I hate needles! Get this out of me now!" I feel a panic attack coming on "Hey calm down" Cap slowly pulls the drip out and as the wound starts to heal I calm down "S-Sorry I just really hate needles" I sniffle and sit back down. "Loki said this 2 day coma means the link is working" Tony smiles "Well that's good, So it has me thinking can I maybe pay The Soldier a visit? No door between us just to test it? I mean you saw how calm he was 2 days ago" I put on the puppy eyes "Lets start with the door, Then if you get some training in we can see about no door" I smile "Ok agreed but I want to train with Cap and Thor I mean they probably match The Soldier strength best" I look to Cap "I will train you, You just need to ask Thor" He smiles "Of course thank you Cap"

"Miss Mikealson, I have asked Thor to come visit you he is on his way now"

"Thank you Jarvis" I sit back in bed as Tony and Cap leave now just waiting on Thor.

XX

"LADY RAVEN!" I jump and scream as Thor literally bursts through the door "THOR!PLEASE!" I hold my heart "Oh sorry" He now whispers "Ok then silly god" He laughs "I am mighty not silly" He sits by my bed "I have a question to ask you" He smiles "Then ask it Lady Raven"

"Can you please train with me sometime? Tony won't let me go into the cell with The Soldier until I get more training in and You and Cap match his strength more than anyone else, Even with this link I am not sure how much it will influence him" Thor nods "If you wish to train with me then of course I will" I smile "Thank you Thor mighty god" He blushes "W-Well Lady Raven I must take my leave" He hugs me "Bye Thor" I put on the TV and watch a movie for a while.

XX

It has been around 3 hours I managed to get through 2 movies World War Z and Resident Evil Retribution. As I get up and stretch there is a knock and both Hawk and Wanda walk in "Get in bed!" Wanda squeals and makes me sit back on the bed "Hey I'm all good, Need a change of clothes though" She jumps up and down "Can I get and pick them please!?" I smile "Sure bu-" She is gone "When did she get so fast?" I ask Hawk who looks just as confused. "Anyway how are you?" Hawk asks sitting on the bed "I feel perfectly fine however I feel this tugging need to go see The Soldier, I think it is just the link I need to ask Loki" I groan "Do you think Barnes feels it too?" I shrug "I have no idea, If it is the link then probably" We sit and watch Kung Fu Panda until Wanda comes I know it is a kids movie blame Hawk.

XX

The movie finishes just as Wanda walks in with my clothes and shoes, "What took you so long?" Hawk asks "She has so many pretty clothes! I couldn't make up my mind!" I groan "Ok so what did you bring?" She hands me a black dress with a lace design and black wedge sandals to match "Wanda I'm not going to a party or funeral" She smirks "No but Loki will like it" I laugh "Yeah maybe but still"

"Ok well we shall let you get dressed and see you in a bit" Hawk grabs Wanda's arm and gently pulls her out of the room with him, I laugh as she protests and after the door closes I get dressed.

I get my shoes on, Put the tv and stuff off and head to the Kitchen/Living room area I am starving.

XX

"Hey" I mumble as I pass Loki on the sofa, He smiles at me as I go and make some food. I make a turkey sandwich and a cup of coffee, I take a seat at the breakfast bar thingy and groan I want to talk to Loki but I am stubborn so I just smile at him.

He comes over and takes a seat "You look ravishing" He smirks "Blame Wanda" I smile and eat my sandwich.

"So I um actually have something to ask you" He nods "Go ahead" I cough "Since I woke up I have been having this tugging need to go to The Soldier, Is that normal?" He laughs "Yeah it is normal and I bet he is feeling it too, Raven I am sorry I did not tell you about the coma part" I groan "Yeah I mean you are a dick but it's ok I would still have done it anyway" I finish my coffee and stand up "Ok I'm gonna go pay him a visit" I hug Loki and kiss his cheek before heading to the cells.

XX

"Bună ziua Soldier" (Hello Soldier) I smile and sit cross-legged on the floor making sure my dress is covering my private area

"Ce vrei?" (What do you want?) He glares but I see something else in his eyes "Ce a fost asta?" (What was that?) He looks at me confused "Ce a fost?"(What was what?) He asks back "nothing" I mumble "Există vreun motiv că sunteți aici?" (Is there a reason you are here?) He snaps as I just sit and relax "What do you feel toward me?" I ask bold but..."I still want to murder you, But I can feel a difference" I nod "Yeah I thought so" I mumble "Ce dracu ai făcut?!" (What the hell did you do?!) He walks over to the glass and bends down to make eye contact with me "I-I made sure you can't hurt anyone" He gets that look in his eyes again "I can see you are afraid of me still and that means I can hurt you" I smile "Uh huh ok you think that" I get up and back to my room suddenly feeling drained.

XX

I get to my room and don't even bother getting PJs on I just strip down to my bra and underwear before jumping into bed and dozing off.

End of Chapter hope you enjoyed

-Ray